The Basement Yard
Original podcast
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17,823 words · 4 speakers
Pink Pantheress here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together, and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences, and personalized products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, booked just for you, based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com.
Welcome back to the basement.
Welcome back to the basement yard. Oh, we're in, we're in, we're in shaggy coat season, aren't we? We're in sherpa. We're in throw over fleeces, aren't we? It's a sherpa. It's a sherpa, it's sherpa season. It's sherpa time. Yeah. Is that like full, like, oh, I thought it was a quarter zip. I thought you were really giving into being white. No, she's got a full, she's got a full, and she's got- She's got a full diaper? And she's got a secret hole. Not secret, pretty common for, you know, sweatshirts and stuff like that. I love when you can pull stuff out of the secret pocket and you're like, here you go. I'll be honest with you. I love wearing like suits and like sports coats, as they're stupidly called for some reason. No, no, no sports involved. Uh, blazers, because I love the feeling of pulling something out of a jacket pocket. Yeah. It just felt cool.
It's just always just like, here you go. Like I- Like a cigarette. I never, sure, if I smoked cigarettes- Oh my God, I'd be so much cooler now. If I smoked cigarettes, oh my God, I'd be so cool. I just, yeah. If I smoked cigarettes, which I haven't and I won't. Me neither. I would want one of those metal books. The metal tins that they- Ah, yeah. You know, they're like old school white whores used to have? I would roll my own and be like, yeah, I roll my own tobacco. Oh, no, well, you would. You would and you'd be like, I got like a fucking like, it's like a, it's a special tobacco that I got from a fucking underground bodega in Brooklyn. No, I, no, or I would smoke it out of a pipe like a old bitch. I knew someone that smoked tobacco out of a pipe fairly frequently.
It's cool. It requires a lot of cleaning. You'd be surprised, like you need to clean like the court- I'm out. I don't want to have too much of that. Too mu- too much to do. I mean, I'm smoking tobacco. I need to clean it? Bro, I know it's in there. I, uh, you know what? A long pipe that you can hold like- Yeah, like I'm Albert Einstein. Just like- But it needs to be corn cob pipe.
What does that mean?
They make corn cob pipes.
Same question.
That's a type of pipe.
Should I say again?
I mean, you're asking for information that I don't have.
You've already had, you had it.
I said corn cob pipe.
Right. What does it look like?
Corn cob pipe.
It does kinda look like a corn cob.
It does.
Can I see it?
It's not actually, you can make a pipe out of corn cob. But it's...
You could turn anything into a pipe.
Yeah, you remember people that were smoking?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are cool. No, I want the fucking long circular fucking...
Oh, you want like a, like a long pipe that like races...
It looks like a tuba.
Like races British men would smoke and then just be like, "You're not getting into my college."
Yeah. Uh, you know what? I don't mind the, okay, that long one is a fucking joke.
The crazy long one is a bit much.
Yeah, that's a, that one's fine.
I mean, we don't know, we don't have context for how long that is. It also said wizard pipe, which I will say, if I could smoke and just have it, and then just support the bottom of it.
Yeah, see, now we're getting into my kinda shit.
We're, we're getting into colors.
Yeah.
Get at, when, when it's like, you know, like purple and pink, it needs to be wood, and it needs to be... Wood.
See, I, I would, I would, I would smoke that pipe. That's crazy. He was gonna say.
What was I gonna say? Suck that pipe? It's gonna be something.
You'd suck, you'd suck that pipe until there's nothing left.
I also think just lighting a pipe. You know what, you know what it is about cigarettes? That's cool, that like, when you're, when someone's, you know what I love? When someone's about to be murdered, and they're like, just, they're just gonna smoke as a, no, but not scared, like now chill, they're like, alright, I'm getting shot. So it's kinda like, alright, fuck you, you know what I mean?
What's that from? What's, I mean, I remember in The Mask, which we've already discussed as a cinematic piece of history, when, uh, Reggie Caffey's character, like when he's about to go, was it Reggie Caffey? I think it was. But, and his boy, he got shot, and they think that Mask did it, and he's like, "Here, here, here, let me light a cigarette," and he lights it and it just falls out his mouth.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, I don't smoke, and I, I really think it's bad for you.
It is.
But right before you're about to die in like a super dramatic way.
Nothing better than smoking.
It's kinda sick, dude.
That's the time to do it. When you know you're about to be shot in the head, pull out a cigarette and talk some shit. Like, just be like... You know, your mother was a whore.
Like, you know, like, that's what, that's where you're-
Jesus Christ, so, alright, so can we make-
So, the guy's about to shoot me.
So, can we make, can we make an agreement?
If I have to murder you, I'm gonna talk so crazily to you.
Really?
With a cigarette in my mouth?
I wasn't gonna say, I'm saying, like, I'll bring the cigarettes and the murder, and the murder weapon, and you just smoke. Maybe bring the matches-
They have to be my cigarettes.
Oh, you need to pull them out?
Or you have them on the table like they're yours, and I just take them from you. Cause like, that's how ballsy I am in my last moments.
That is pretty, and it's just like, I know what's happening right here. You grab the cigarettes, and you, you do that thing that they do?
Where they hit it? And then you take, are you taking one out? Or are you taking, like, several?
Just one.
Okay.
And then I'm tossing the thing back, and just being like...
And then how are you gonna, be honest, how are you gonna do it? Are you smoking it like this? Are you smoking it like this? Are you smoking it like... I don't know how many ways you could talk something- Are you smoking it like this?
No, no, I think I would just smoke it regular, and then the, the last one, before I'm about to talk shit, like, I'll smoke it regularly like this, and the last one, I'll kinda just do this. Yeah?
Oh, so you're gonna be a wise guy about it?
Yeah, I'll just be an asshole.
You're gonna be a smart piece of shit about it?
Yeah, bro.
Well, then I'm gonna, I'm not even gonna give you the satisfaction, you'll be dead before you lit the thing.
Yeah, I mean, you should, because I, I will say stuff that will hurt your feelings.
Oh, so you're trying to, alright, hold on, so let's, let's, let's roleplay this a little bit. Okay? Acting yard, welcome back.
We've already gotten through what would happen in the entire situation.
I am going, I'm here to kill you. My name is, um, gimme, gimme a scenario.
Frank.
My name is Frank.
Get the D20 out, we're gonna roll this thing.
Alright. And you, I'm gonna get you because you, uh... I found out you were on the Epstein list or something crazy.
Wait, what?
What?
You found out that I was on the list?
Yeah, so I'm gonna kill you for it.
Okay?
And who are you?
I'm Frank.
Alright, now-
Cigarette's right here, you ready?
And-
Can I be closer, so I don't have to get other than-
I mean, you can, yeah, go.
Pretend we're closer.
Okay. Okay? And, action.
What year is it?
This kid pulled out a revolver.
He's sharpening a bow, dude.
I have a revolver, dude. Come on, that's the coolest gun to use in handguns.
Man, I wouldn't like to... Have you ever shot a revolver?
No.
It's scary.
Yeah? It kicks your butt?
Bro.
Handguns are way scarier than, uh...
The other ones are scary. But they're harder to shoot, is what I meant.
Um, okay.
So scarier in like, if you're gonna shoot one.
At a range, at a range!
At a range, let's make that very clear.
But I have a gun.
Yeah, yeah, you do.
So...
Well, you gotta make me believe that you're actually gonna kill me.
You're not gonna say anything?
I'm going to kill you. Is that what you want? You want me to spell it out for you? That's what Joey would do. Joey would do that, he'd be like, "It is not super apparent right now that you're actually going to be murdering me."
First of all, that sounds like you, bro.
I need to know where you sit right now, like, tell me about how you're feeling in this moment, right here.
That's you! Someone would be like, "I'm gonna kill you," and you're like, "Okay, when you say 'you,'" like, it really depends on your definition of 'you.'"
Kill is subjective.
Yeah, I was like...
We kill on stage.
Logically, I don't think you can kill because I've already killed myself emotionally.
Yeah, because like, I am...
Guy would just kill himself.
Yeah, I am internally dead, so like, what you are killing is really... It's just a shell, it's just a shell.
Yeah, you're right, you're right.
So just, just pantomime how you're grabbing the cigarettes. What kind of cigarettes, too, because that's a big part of it.
I don't know, the harder, the better.
Okay, like, American Natural, is that one of them?
It's... American Spirit, I think.
American Spirit, okay.
American Natural. American Big Naturals, I think?
Are those the size 36Ds you got in there?
You got any Big Naturals for me? That's how, that's how much we don't smoke. Walk into a deli, "Can I get a pack of the Big Naturals?"
Big Naturals, size 22F.
You got any, uh, Triple D Big Naturals?
Yeah, how you doing buddy? Can I get a Gatorade, bacon, egg, and cheese? Let me get a pack of the big naturals as well.
Fat naturals. Right next to, right next to the condoms, the fat naturals you got right there.
No, no, no, no, no.
The big, yeah, no.
Red pack, red pack.
The big oily naturals. Yes, thank you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The big oily ones.
Sweet. How much?
Forget it, forget it. Dude, how about like in Europe when you go buy fucking cigarettes, there's like dead people on them.
Yeah, they're not very subtle with their messaging.
I mean, that's good.
I agree.
Cause you know, if you're gonna get the packaging and you're gonna look at someone being like, dude, I'm literally dead.
And then you're gonna be like, yeah, I know.
And you're gonna smoke it anyway. I've never seen them firsthand, but I have seen people post pictures where it's like, it'll be like, I bought these cigarettes. Let's make sure we all call them the same thing over there in London.
Yeah, guys.
Yeah, guys. This is...
In 2025?
What are you doing? In 2025, that's what you're using?
Yeah, I feel like we're just trying to get away with something now.
Nice try, okay? We see what you're trying to do.
Not very nice.
Yeah. Uh, but, and it's like a picture of like, like, but we had that too. Remember all those truth commercials? And it was like the guy that had the, um, yeah, fuck, what's it called? The, the...
Speaker?
No, no, no, but there's the, like, the, you know what I'm talking about. It's...
It's got like a hole.
Esophagus, like...
Ephazema?
No, that's a disease.
I think that's the disease you get.
Yeah, but it's like a...
A trich- trichotomy?
Tracheotomy, tracheotomy. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. And he would like, like, those are fucking terrifying commercials.
Yeah, man.
You know, and, and, so...
He was like talking with like a, looked like a taser, kind of. How do those work?
I imagine they go off of vibration.
Ah.
Because like, you can't, you remember we played basketball with someone that had that?
Bro, a kid in my middle school had that.
Dude, we played basketball, there was a kid that would like, not frequently, kid is, you know, kind of rough. Like, he was probably in his mid twenties when we were like eighteen. But like, he had, he came to like forty eighth and played basketball with it a couple times.
Wait, so maybe I'm thinking of that kid. Was that, was that a Hispanic kid?
Hispanic kid, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, so I thought that was middle school, but yeah, I remember that.
He must, he must have hit you with the sickest N1.
Bro, he was kinda nice.
I mean... I can't do this.
We're not gonna make a joke.
No, we can't do the voice.
But he was, he legitimately was like a decent basketball player.
But he barely like, he couldn't like really like talk.
Obviously. But I don't think that it was not one of those things that you kind of like.
He didn't talk, but he definitely had like the.
I think that was probably just like a thing from birth or something.
I don't know where it came from, but he definitely had it. He definitely had it.
Smoke enough cigarettes to.
I mean, it could happen at any point.
I had heard.
It could also be secondhand smoke. You never know what happened in his household.
Do you remember in, in a, in school where they would do like the DARE program or whatever? And I remember them talking to us about emphysema and they like gave us a straw.
A straw, yeah.
And they'd like try to breathe like that's what it's like. I always think about that.
Cystic fibrosis apparently feels the same way too.
What is that?
I don't know.
But I remember there was a sorority on our campus that like they're like, everyone had like a.
You needed to have it to be in.
No, stop. It was like one philanthropy that they like, were like the most dedicated to and did a lot of time with.
Got it.
Ours was St. Jude. Theirs was the, uh, I don't remember. I think it was just called the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, but same thing. It's like they're like breathe through the straw and that's what they feel like breathing all the time.
Terrible.
Yeah, that's crazy.
Well.
MSG was fun.
Um, yeah, there's no real good way to pivot out of that.
How do we pivot from cystic fibrosis to Madison Square Garden?
Hmm, it's gonna be tough. Dig out of the hole. Um, yeah, I guess we're, we're, uh, how long are we? Like a week out?
Well, we can change by the time they see this.
Oh yeah, but we're exactly a week.
This is exactly a week.
Exactly a week ago today, we were in sound check.
Does it feel closer or further?
Uh.
Like it happened longer ago?
No, it feels pretty recent.
For me. Yeah. What about you?
It feels a little like, it felt like a while. I think that day was just so long that I'm like.
That day was very long.
Yeah, we had got to MSG at like noon. Um, and.
Some of us sooner than others because they forgot what time noon was.
Yeah, I thought noon meant 11. I'm not even gonna try and figure out how you get there. He's 31. Anyway, uh, yeah, but that was such a crazy thing, man. We did Madison Square Garden.
It was wild. First of all, thank you for everyone that came and, and, and has watched and shared and posted and blah, blah, blah, because the reality is we were able to do that because of every single person.
Uh, but it was also like, I, I'm gonna be honest with you. I cannot, I'm so excited to never hear, how do you feel about MSG?
The after-party was-
Ever again.
Because like, it was such a difficult thing to comprehend and like, in the moment, cause like, as you were saying, I think in the episode before, like that had come out on Patreon, like, it was, you're excited for the structure of the day and being busy because it's just gonna make the time pass a little bit better. There was so much going on and so much that like, we had to do both like actively doing stuff and just kinda waiting around as things were happening, that it was hard for the time to not move quickly. Like, I was like, oh, I got here at noon and then I was like, oh, fuck, it's 7 o'clock already.
I just like, I don't know, that was, that was a wild day. Cause I, I remember, um, like during soundtrack, when you, when we first walked out there, they didn't have the seats on the floor set up yet. And you're just kinda looking around at all the other seats. And you're like, holy shit, there's gonna be so many people here.
And they haven't even set up the chairs yet. So, once they set up the chairs, then I was like, dude, did we actually sell this out? Like, I was like, what the fuck? Cause it goes up so high.
It goes-
I've been there so many times for Rangers games and I'm like, bro, this is a lot of people.
But you're right, when we first went there, we were standing in, under, like what is technically the court or the rink, depending on what sport, you know, you, you, you are more familiar in Madison Square Garden with, but, and like, you just see the seats around, but then when they put down the seats and I stood on stage and I saw those seats, I was like, fuck dude, like that, that is a lot of people just there on the floor. And then when you just do this, you're just like, holy shit. It was a lot. And it was electric.
Yeah, man. Uh, did I tell, I didn't even tell you this. I told Greg and he's like, I'm so glad you didn't tell me that, but when Ahmed was on stage, I thought I was gonna throw up. Like, not even from nerves. But like, for me, I like, the anxiety that you feel right before you go on, on stage is not like nerves. It's more of just like, I'm anxious to go. And we had been there all day and I was just ready to like, start the show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cause I didn't wanna just sit there and just keep like, you know, whatever. So I just wanted to go. And then Ahmed was on stage, I know he's like halfway through his set, and I was like,
wha- like, my throat feels like it's closing right now.
Oh, boy.
So I like, went back to the green room and I just like, drank some water. And then I was just like, alright, like, I'm like, I'm good. And then we were just like, walking out.
See, I, I was very much so anticipating it and like, you know, like, there are very few shows beforehand that I like, you know, I kinda like, get, like, I sit down or I like, you know, like, get into like a, like a squatting position almost. For that one, I felt like I needed to get my legs under me. And then the moment we walked to the steps, it was just like, you got it. Like, it just like, a s- a switch for me just went on.
And then it felt like, just the rest of the show. Like, it, it was obviously, because as you had said in anticipation of it, if I had sit there and really, really tried my best to digest the weight and the massive scale of the situation, it was gonna fuck me up.
Dude, and also I saw, like, the pictures from like, all the way back, when you could see everything. I was like, bro, if I saw this picture before we went in, I'd probably shit my pants. Dude, those seem so much bigger from back there.
I fucking, it, it doesn't make, like, I've seen videos and the pictures that, you know, Jimmy and Zach, uh, did, and forgive me for forgetting Zach's cousin's name.
Farrah.
Farrah. Um, I see those and I'm just like, What, who, who's that? Like, who, what is going on here? Like, there was a sense of just like, when you see it at that scale, it completely fucked me up. And then, the video that Mikey put together at the end, I was just like, holy shit, dude.
Yeah, it was a lot of frames, dude.
That was a lot-
Very slow motion.
It was slow motion, and that fucking, I'm gonna tell you something right now. If anyone here, that is watching this, and I hope you all get this opportunity, if you want it, to perform on a scale that size, get confetti.
Yeah, you gotta get confetti.
You gotta get confetti. That confetti was a paid actor. Let me tell ya, because it went off perfectly, and it fell perfectly, and it took some-
The guy before was like, "You guys got a lot of confetti." And I was like, "Really?" He said we got four times the normal amount of confetti. Did he say that? I mean, I didn't, I didn't, it was two grand. I'll just say that. Two thousand dollars to have confetti. We didn't pick how much confetti. They were like, "Do you want confetti?" And I was like, "How much is it?" And they're like, "Two grand." I was like, "Yeah." Oh, I thought Greg put in some kind of like, request or order.
It was like, "Confetti or no confetti?" I was like, "Yeah, for, for-" I wouldn't be surprised if on the back end, Greg was just like, "I asked them for like, what's their normal amount?" And I said, "Double it."
I wouldn't be surprised if he did that. But there was a point when that confetti was falling, that I looked out, and I was like, "Oh, I can't see-"
Couldn't see anything.
And not that I could really see, because those lights were intense.
But like, I really couldn't see.
Bro, also, when I, like, was introing you, to do poetry, and it, it was a blackout, it was a blackout. I didn't move, because I was like, "I can't, I, I will fall."
Hmm.
Like, I, I literally like, was, usually I just start walking towards you when we pass each other. But I was like, "I'm gonna wait until the light comes on, because I legitimately am gonna kick over one of these lights up here." Like, I was like, "Oh shit, I can't see anything."
When I told, excuse me, when Francisco said like, "Put your lights up", I was standing backstage, and I looked out, and I saw all the lights in the dome, and I was just like, "Holy shit." Like, that place for like, a split second was like, lit up.
It was nuts, man. And then, I don't know if you felt this way, we had an after-party, thank you Red Bull. That was a lot of fun, we really appreciate it. But I was so spent- From the whole day that I was like dragging. I got there and I immediately downed like a tequila soda and I was like, I need to wake up.
I didn't drink anything when I was there. I got there and I was like, oh, because I was thinking about how fun that would be. And Red Bull was like super helpful with like helping like pick out a place and they got a photo booth and all this shit. So like they're awesome. But when, when I was walking in to the party for the first time and I saw everyone turn around and look at me, I was like, oh God, this is just.
Pink Pantheress here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences and personalized products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, booked just for you based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com.
It's gonna have to be like, like a wedding. Like you gotta say hi to all the guests.
That's exactly what it was.
It took me an hour to get to my mom, dude. Dude, I was just trying to get to my mom. I literally, when we walked in, because like the way the place was, it was like a little ramp.
And then like there's people on the sides of it, the bar's right here. And then there's people basically all around the inside and the outside. So like, I did have to do that where I had to like stop and say hi to everyone.
But.
Bro, you know me.
Oh, you went to. You went right to the back.
Well, I want to.
But you stayed pretty late. Like you stayed until most people were gone.
I stayed until 1:30, yeah.
The people that were left, because I left maybe like 25 minutes after you. The people that were still there, it was just like, we need to let these people have their night. They're clearly trying to have a night. Like, I looked over and there were certain people that were just like getting after it. And I was like, good for you, man. Um, I, I told you both this, but I, it's a funny story to share for people. But when I walked in, I recognized, I would say like 70% of the people.
Uh huh.
But there was also some people that I didn't recognize, but I could see them like talking to like, you know, the picky boys, or I could see them talking to your mom or like, so I knew that they were people that were like in the realm of like, oh, they were invited in some capacity. I might not know them, but I know that they should be here.
Right.
There were certain people that I saw and I was like, there's no reason these people should be here.
There, there was some people that like worked at like WME or something.
Not even that. I'm just saying people that like clearly like saw that there was.
A party?
A party and like just got in line with our friends and family and just made it in.
Yeah, well, you know.
It happens. Yeah, I mean, whatever. There was some dude that came up to me and he was just like, dude, dap me up. He's like, dude, I swear to God, you look like you do a podcast. You do a podcast? Now, we're at our after-party. So I was like, yeah, alright, yeah, I do, man. He was like, cool, cool. What's you guys' name again? And I was like, oh, you're serious? You know, like, I thought he was fucking around.
And he was like, yeah. Do what, do you guys, I've seen your face all over.
In that moment, he's probably like, does this guy think he's the most famous guy in the world? Like, I don't know your fucking name, pal!
Nah, the kid was like afraid of his own shadow. But like, I was like, yeah, you're serious? He's like, yeah. I was like, yo, you're at our after-party. Like, we just, we just did a show at Madison Square Garden. Oh my God, I'm so sorry, dude! He's like, he got like so apologetic. He's like, I'm so sorry. I'm, oh my God. He like, you know how like Roger Rabbit? When he says something dumb, he's like, no, no, no. And he's like smacking himself in the head with shit.
I do not know that!
Never seen who framed Roger Rabbit?
That was 20 years ago that I saw that.
You should watch it. It's incredible.
Yeah?
Um, but,
he was like doing that. I was like, it's alright, you know, I just,
Who are you here with, you know?
Most likely no one.
I had a good time though. Like, after the first round of hellos, then I was like, alright, like, now I can kind of like, just chill and have a conversation, but, you know, you, it was, it was just like, it was a good thing. I mean, I'm glad that we had that because I wanted to see everyone afterwards.
Cause we had a, before the show, we had like our friends and family in this room, um, where they do the press conferences, which is pretty cool. Um, but then, uh, yeah, I just wanted to see everyone after. I thought it was cool. But I was definitely like exhausted. And I think like, I slept like 11 hours two days later. I think that's when I caught back up. And then also, Mikey got sick. Greg got sick. Like, I think it was like the stress of that day and then just being like, oh, we're done. And then your immune system's like, oh, me too. And then you just get sick.
Um, cause it kinda, I felt like, I didn't feel sick, but I definitely felt so drained.
Like physically drained that I was just like, oh man, like I, I, I don't think I realized how long. Like in the Uber home, that was like the first time I felt like I breathed all day, like I took a real breath. Yeah.
Yeah, that's definitely how I felt, like I felt like a sense of relief, like. Yeah. The next morning, I only slept like five hours, I woke up and I woke, but I woke up like refreshed immediately. Yeah. And yeah, I was tired, but I felt good. I also, I did. Uh oh. I did have Burger King and Taco Bell the next day, cause I was just like, tour's done. In the same meal? Come on, brother. Me come on. Yeah. Me come on. Yeah. You come on. I came on. Is it the same? No. So what was breakfast? Bagel. Oh, so you had a bagel and then for lunch? Bacon, egg and cheese. You had a bacon, egg and cheese for breakfast? Yes, I did. Lunch? Was a Whopper. And what else? Whopper.
Chicken fries? Frank. Onion rings. Okay, now we're gonna, was there a soda? Oh, of course it was. You're leaving stuff out here. Fountain Coca-Cola, baby. Okay, so we had a Whopper, we had onion rings, we had a, we had a soda. Yeah. What kind of soda? It was a 5,000 calorie day meal, like. Day meal. It was, it was a 5,000 calorie day. And then, and then dinner, you're like, might as well run it up. Yeah. And then, and then what was that? That was, uh, Taco Bell. Yeah, yeah, I'm saying, was it something Supreme? It was, so, no, it was, you're gonna fucking. I'm gonna like it. Oh yeah, you are. Two cheesy gordita crunches, no Baja sauce. Okay. What the fuck is Baja sauce? It's like their spicy ranch. Oh, I thought that was like some Mountain Dew shit. Nah, I don't like it. Baja Blast.
That's Baja Blast, close enough, and then a Crunchwrap Supreme meal with a Starry, which is Sierra Mist. And it comes with a Taco Supreme. What is a Taco Supreme? Just a taco, just like a hard shell taco. So you had like four tacos? Yeah. Yes, I did. Listen, man, I felt, you know, like, after all of that, and like, just did MSG, I was just like, I'm just gonna fucking indulge. And how did I indulge? Yeah. On some fast food. Listen, I've said it before, I'll say it again, of fast food burger joints, number one is Burger King. Of Taco Bell's, Taco Bell's number one. Gotta be. That's it, man. I ride hard for what I like.
On the Taco Bell, like Taco Bell's at the top, yeah. You know, I ride for my mother effing people. Careful. But, yeah, that's a, that's a big thing. That's so funny. It just like, there was such a sense of like, holy fuck, like, cause I do remember last year, someone coming up to us at Radio. The scent, the, doing Radio City is crazy. Yeah. That is still insane. And then there was a representative at Radio City that came up to us and said like, next year, the Garden. Right. And like, our mentality, at least, I think I could speak on your behalf, was just like, okay, you know, just like, at, mine definitely was, where I was just like, alright.
And then now, having like, looked back on that, and then just like, the two years of touring in its entirety, I was just like, I, like, I felt like I could breathe. You know, like, cause it, it's, you know, it has its, its difficulties, and it has its stuff like that, and, and then like, all the planning that goes into it, and, you know, like, I, I spoke with Francisco, the three time Slam Poetry of the Year winner. And he shared with me, like, those poems are stressful to him, for him to write. Yeah. So like, gone through all of that, and then on the back end, just coming out of it, it's just like. So you felt like there was a weight lifted off of your chest? Without a doubt. And then you put a, a wapper of five tacos on top?
He's like, you know, I felt like this weight lifted off of my chest, and then I just put an IV of Baja sauce in me. Hell, well, no Baja sauce. You know the law. No Baja sauce. I absolutely did, you know. Listen, man, I am just trying to- Did you cry?
Uh, did I cry afterward?
Like, maybe not that night, but like, another night?
Uh, before it, I did.
Before MSG?
Before MSG, I had some emotional moments with Becca, you know?
Actually, that's not true. Becca wrote a very sweet post for me that, you know, just kinda like, looking back on tour and what it is.
Oh, you said, I think you said poster. I was like, what?
She wrote me a poster. No, that, that, that definitely made me cry. Just, you know, kinda looking back on that.
That was after, no?
That's after. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, that, that got me.
But before you, you said?
Before, I had some moments.
You know, I had all tour, to be, you know, really honest. Like, there were some moments, you know, because of the weight of it all and the, just like, the enormity of it all and, you know, the, the Taco Bell of it all, you know? There was just so much.
There was just so much like-
Did you cry?
Baja moments, yeah.
You were, can I share?
Go ahead.
How you were after the show?
One word.
Well, I mean, emotional is, is the word.
Silent.
That, that's the word, too.
I walked into the room after and I went, oh.
It is so quiet.
You got, you got emotional.
For a second, for a second, cause like, for a second.
For a second, relax!
For a second. No, because it's like, I understand you guys getting super emotional, but I walked into the room and it was so quiet, I went, oh. And I just sat in between you guys and we're just, I get it. We're just living in it.
After, after the show was over, like, I, we went back to the green room and I just sat on the couch and I just like, couldn't talk. And it was just me and Ahmed at one point. And Ahmed was like, I think he was crying, cause he had his hands like this. And I can kind of hear like, him breathing a little heavy and I was like, he was probably crying. And I was just sitting there and it was such a weird feeling. And it's never like this after a show. Like, usually it's like, alright, cool, that was nice, whatever. And we were just all dead silent.
Like, afterwards. It was just like, yo, that was crazy.
After, I would say, the va- like, 99% of the shows, we're tired and we're trying to eat and we're trying to go to sleep. Like, that's what it is. But there was, there was definitely more of like, you could hear a pin drop in that room.
Yeah, it was very quiet.
And Joey, like, you were, I think, like, I came up to you and I was like, you alright? And he was like, yup. And I was like, okay, he's.
Yeah, I was, I was definitely like processing. Like, I wasn't like emotional yet.
That's a lot to process.
Like, I wasn't emotional yet, but then the next morning, I was in bed and I watched some fucking TikTok from some fucking asshole who, who was videotaping me when the confetti was falling and they like wrote some shit and whatever. And then I saw some comments of people saying just like really nice stuff. And then I was just like, oh god. That's when it actually came out. And I was just like crying, like legitimately in my bed, like damn dude, like that happened yesterday.
But that's it. It was just another day at the office. Can a, can a white boy cry a little bit? God damn.
Come on, keep going, keep going while you're at it.
Just keep going. What else, how else is it hard to be a white boy? Come on, white boy.
Come on, little white boy.
Nah, it was, it was insane. I, I, you know, all the people that have been posting on social media, like that TikTok algorithm, it, it works like over time. Like, once you watch one.
Oh my god, there was like a bunch of them.
You're, you're, you're, you're massaging the mic a lot.
My bad, my bad.
You're good, you're good. I'm just making sure.
Dude, is this good? Am I fucking this up, dude?
No, you actually are. Just, you know, just trying to do my job over here.
Yeah, yeah, I appreciate it.
Yeah, sorry.
Yeah, no, there were, there were.
Job.
Now you gotta start again. Sorry. Nah, there was.
Wait, are we editing that out?
No, we don't have to.
Oh, okay.
Okay. Oh, you're gonna keep my double, my double gawk gawk in there?
Well, now people should deserve to have that.
Don't call it that.
People deserve to have that now.
No, they don't deserve to have it.
I'm making it worse.
Have what?
Like, there were a lot of like people just like, you know, like, there were several that I saw that were just like someone's face hysterically crying and then they turn the camera and it's the confetti going off and shit like that. And I think that's like, if I could be non-joking me for a sec.
I think one of the things that I consider us to be very lucky with is like, I really do feel like we shared that moment with the people that put us there. Like, the people that sat in the seats, the people that came to any of our shows, the people that haven't been able to make it to the shows, like, that is really a testament, like, us getting that opportunity is a testament to, like, doing it with those people, and like, they feel emotional about it, and it is emotional because we, we've kind of like, shared that with them. Am I crazy for thinking that?
No, like, I think, I, I've said that before, I think at the end of some shows, maybe that was like the first year of tour, but it's interesting because it feels like, yes, these people are like fans of our show and stuff like that, but also the things that they say, that, that people have said to me, or have said to you, or that I see online, there's like a care in there, like, in, in the way that they're supportive and what they're saying is like, you know, "I'm just so happy for you guys, and I'm so proud of you guys for doing this thing," and whatever, and that feels different, you know, because like, I'm fans of people, and like, I guess in ways, I'm like, but I'm not proud of-
But you'd never tell Noah Kahan that you're proud of him.
Right, like, I'm not like-
That's a weird thing.
I'm not proud of Noah Kahan.
Hey, Aaron Judge, I'm proud of you.
Yeah, you know, like, because, I mean, I don't know, it feels like a different thing, but when people say that, it's like, I could feel that, like, for real.
It feels more personal, absolutely.
Yeah, it does.
And I think it's because, like-
I am proud of you, Noah.
You too, Aaron?
Hey, dog.
Also, I, I announced onstage that he won his third MVP.
Yeah, and then I, fuck it, my, our friends thought I was serious, because I was like, "And Aaron Judge is here, actually."
Yeah, that would've been bananas.
Boss was like, "Bro, I don't know, you're doing the Garden, anything's, nothing's off the books."
That's fair, that is fair, um, but I, I, I think it's because, like, the way in which, like, the road and the path that has brought us to that stage has been just kind of like a bit of transparency, like, we're on this show, and we're kind of being ourselves and just bullshitting as normal people, so like, it's easier for people to connect with that, and maybe, I mean, maybe that's, like, when you look at, like, and this is not me taking away from people that have, you know, found their way in other forms of art, whether it be acting, theater, TV, uh, you know, music, but like-
You're getting a polished version of them in whatever you like them in, so like if we use like,
give me your favorite movie.
Shawshank Redemption.
Okay, sure Shawshank Redemption, I was gonna make a joke, you bastard, but.
Trolls 2.
I was gonna say Django Unchained.
You know what's crazy?
It's a great movie.
No, actually, my favorite movie is Inglourious Basterds.
Okay, well, you, you, you don't consider it a drama. I mean, it is a drama, but.
I know what you're trying to do.
A tragedy is what you consider it.
But like, if you see, Brad Pitt's a bad example, but like if you were to see Christoph Waltz, you wouldn't say like, I'm proud of you. You know, because like, you're getting just a version of the character that you like, so like, the fact that it's us and we're doing it together is pretty cool.
Am I wrong for thinking that was a terrible example?
It's a horrible example.
Oh, okay, okay. I thought, cause I didn't know, I didn't know, I thought it was really a bad example. Why is that a bad example? Because like, it's not as much emotional connection as like. But that's what I'm saying, like, there are people that, certain people here that feel a huge connection to Inglourious Basterds. Right, right, right, right, right.
I do like.
No, but you know what I'm saying, like, if fucking like Jennifer Lawrence wins best actress, it's like, they're doing that, but like, when someone sees them, if they're like, I'm proud of you, it's like, oh, you're just saying you're proud of the, like, the performance and the character. Not, like, you don't really know the person, like, it's us on that stage, you know? Better?
Closer, but not there.
Better?
Not there. Repeating.
Not there.
Just different actor.
I think I'm making great sense, and that's all I need at the end of the day.
I know what you're saying, but I think it's just because people have been along for the journey. I don't necessarily think it's like, like, if people knew Jennifer Lawrence when she like, first started doing like, a theater or a play, like, those people being like, I'm proud of you. And it feels like we've ju, like, we, it was a slow thing for us.
Did I not say that before, when I said like, it's about the journey that led us to that stage?
Well, right, but then you, but then you went like, oh, if this random, insert random celebrity wins.
I don't need you, hey!
Right, right.
Enough.
I didn't think you were gonna say that, that was so funny. Am I crazy for thinking that's a horrible example?
Hey, guess what? I appreciate transparency, the honesty.
And the criticism.
I don't appreciate that part of it. I appreciate all the... But stroke my ego, please.
I got you.
You saw how Joey was doing that two-hander before? Do that to my ego.
I did it with one hand. I don't know if that's better or worse. I don't know.
But...
You know, this moment that we did have on the stage at Madison Square Garden was all speaking in another square, Squarespace, which this podcast is sponsored by.
This guy is such a fucking pro, dude.
Squarespace is a website where you can build your website, okay? So if you're gonna build a website, you have an ecommerce business, or you make content, or you have anything that you wanna show off to people, you need a professional-looking website because it is your first impression. People are gonna come to your website, they're either gonna trust you, or they're gonna go, "This doesn't look too good, I'm out." You know, so you want it to look professional. Squarespace is gonna help you get that up and running, and give you all the necessary tools to make sure that it's functioning, and you can tell where all the people are coming from, where the traffic is, and how to increase your traffic, and you have all your analytics all in one place. And, like I said, can build your website and run your website through Squarespace. We do that for all of our websites, we use Squarespace. So, for anyone out there that would like to use this,
you can head to Squarespace.com/basement, and you will save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain using that code basement, okay? Again, that is Squarespace.com/basement, and you will save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain when you use that code basement. But, like I said, Squarespace is the platform that we use for all of our websites, so get out there and get to it. This podcast is also sponsored by BetterHelp, which is online therapy. BetterHelp has been a sponsor of ours for many years, but if you wanna get into therapy, which I suggest that everyone should be in it, honestly, I think that it's done wonders for me, and, you know, it's not always like, you know, every session is this thing where you're talking about something dramatic, and you're crying, and it's, you know, I think that people, that's kind of their view, but...
It is just very helpful to have a third party that you can kind of just talk to very transparently. You don't have to worry about this person sort of using that against you or whatever. They're your therapist. It feels good to let go of a lot of stuff like that. So I suggest everyone is in it and BetterHelp, they make it very easy to onboard with a therapist. You could do so in just under 48 hours and you can switch from therapist to therapist to find the right fit for you because that is like the most important thing in my opinion. But yeah, so this is like a great thing. If you want to get hooked up with one of their 30,000 therapists, you can do so and you can get 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.
BetterHelp.com/BasementYard. Okay, so that is BetterHelp spelled B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com/BasementYard to get 10% off. Alright, so if you want to jump into the world of therapy, there's your sign.
Are you done?
Yep.
You want me to talk now? You want me to talk about my things, right? How about I tell them about Patreon? Is that what you want?
That's kind of...
You want me to tell them about Patreon.com/TheBasementYard where they can go up and they can sign up for our Patreon service where if they sign up for that first tier, they get weekly episodes one week in advance? Is that what you want? Or do you want me to tell them about if they sign up for that second tier, Joey? They get exclusive episodes every single Friday so they can start and end their week with the Basement Yard, more of us. Is that what they want? Is that what you want? You're forcing me into a thing here. Oh, and let me guess, you want me to tell them that if they go to the web URL in a web browser and go to Patreon.com/TheBasementYard and sign up using that HTML code, that they're going to be able to fucking save some money? I'm going to tell them about that. Because I want these people to save money. Because I'm going to tell them that if they use the smart apps, these tech overlords are going to take extra money from them.
So if they go and they go to a web browser, they save themselves some money signing up for Patreon.com/TheBasementYard. That's what I'm going to do, Joe.
Such an interesting approach.
Approach to what?
You said web browser back there.
That's what it is.
You said, oh, smart apps. That was another one.
That's a smart app.
God, that's so bad.
What's bad about it being the smart app?
What's it about? What's it about being a smart up? What's about about it? What's about about it? Yeah. Aw, man. Web browsers.
Am I right, kids? Yeah, I was gonna say, are you opening up a conversation there with that? Am I right, kids? Yeah, what were you saying?
He's just giving a tad bit of unk status over there.
Yeah, it is. I could be unk. You could be... Who's older than that? Pop?
Uh, OG?
I could be OG unk. I think that's Shannon Sharp, right? Are we talking about him yet? What is your hands? Pulled back. Yeah, what are you talking about? Didn't he?
I think he was acquitted. I could be making that up.
Okay. What is he? I didn't...
Quick little... Go to your favorite web browser and Google him, Joe. My favorite... My search engine. Go to AskJeeves.com. Damn, what happened to Ask Jeeves? I think it's still around, but it's just... Go to AskJeeves.com. Like a dog shit... Like Bing. No offense, Bing. Why are you saying it so hard?
I don't know what this is.
I think it's just Ask... Wait, you don't know what Ask Jeeves is? No, what am I gonna... You've never heard of Ask Jeeves? Yeah, we're old.
How do I spell it?
Jeeves. Try to spell it. It's Jeeves. It's spelled Jeeves. Oh! G? It's Jeeves, not Jeeves. I think it's just Ask.com.
It's just Ask.com now.
They got rid of Jeeves? They got rid of Jeeves. Who's that? That's a cat.
I think it's a lynx.
They got rid of Jeeves? Aw, that's kinda disrespectful. Can you still Ask Jeeves?
So what do I do?
AskAsk.com, where's Jeeves go? Say, where is fucking Jeeves? Where's Jeeves from Ask Jeeves, Ask.com? Ask the Jeeves. Where is Jeeves? Where is Jeeves? Jeeves?
What is this?
It's a... It's a... Wooster and Jeeves. Wooster and Jeeves? Jeeves went and hung out with somebody else? A Wooster? Type in Ask Jeeves and then go to Google Images. We gotta find Jeeves. I don't... It was... He was an old, white, British butler. Go to Ask Jeeves! I can't believe you are this inept. Click on that!
This?
No, yes! And just type in Ask Jeeves. If it just reroutes us... Don't go to a website. You're typing at the website! Type in Ask Jeeves.
Your instructions are very...
There he is, Jeeves! Oh, he's getting a back massage from someone. Oh, whoa, what's going on here? Whoa, Jeeves? Why everyone stopped asking Jeeves? Speak for yourself. Me and Jeeves get asked all the time. This was...
What was that?
I was gonna say something.
His gun jammed.
This is what people asked before they asked fucking dumbass ChapGPT.
That was Jeeves.
That Jeeves was a human, look, go to the left, all the way to the left.
Yeah, that's what the website.
Oh, look, they literally just said what I said out on that.
Oh, wow. Why is it butter yellow?
That was the internet back in the day, baby. That was the internet color back in the day.
So this was like a search engine, you would just type like, like anything you type into Google.
Be like, Jeeves, why the hell is Ant's fucking so hot?
Right. Yeah, he saved it there, man, that was close.
But, but why would Jeeves, like, what did Jeeves answer?
Anything, like, it was like Google.
It was like Google, it would, he wouldn't be like, hey, it's me, Jeeves, I got an answer for you.
It was just a website. But they had a mascot, and that's Jeeves.
Remember Clippy, that fuck?
Clippy, Microsoft Word.
Yes, baby.
Yeah, do you know him?
Clippy?
Yo, we should do an episode.
What's going on with you?
Hold on, we should do an episode.
You know what Pix is? Do you know Pix? Is that what it's called?
No, it ain't. KidPix.
I don't wanna Google KidPix. Oh, yeah, that's bad.
Fair, fair, fair, fair, fair.
It's with an X, which I don't know.
One X.
Not three X's. Not three X's. Type in KidPix with an X, one word, be careful. We could run out of here. KidPix, yes, yes, yes.
Now we're talking about, okay.
That's a wild reaction, we're looking at KidPix.
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. Dude, so, there is a whole, I just realized, there is a whole generation of stuff that we experienced as a kid that Ant didn't. We can do an episode, look.
Yeah, you never had KidPix.
You never had KidPix.
So look, look, look, you see, you see in the circle?
That was when you blew it up.
So like, you would draw stuff on here, right? And then you, and then in two.
That's even late, though. That's, that's, that's a more, we need the more primitive KidPix, that's the first picture.
Go to RGB Rules.
Yeah, I guess it is, but also red, green, blue. No, it's red, green, yeah. Oh, I mean, hey. But RGB, she ruled. Technically. By definition. She did.
But if you would do this, you would draw that, right? Then you would take a bomb and you would click and it would do this bomb and it would erase everything.
It would be a stick of dynamite. Go to YouTube?
I think I faintly remember this.
You don't know KidPix! Bro, you don't know KidPix! This is not even a joke. You were born in 97, right? Yes, sir. We were playing with KidPix. The computer game. Yeah. When you were born.
Man, that's a bad name for a company.
They clearly didn't have benefit of foresight on their, on their end.
KidPix is crazy.
Dude, just go, go like Google, go to YouTube and just type in KidPix Dynamite. Also, also bad.
KidPix that are dynamite. Type in KidPix that are so dynamite.
Go, go to YouTube.
My favorite app, KidPix.
KidPix.
And it's dynamite.
And it's fucking, oh, I would use it every day, my KidPix.
There wasn't a day that I could wake up without KidPix. Every day in school, I'd go to the computer.
Imagine being a teacher at that point in time. And just being like, hey, we're gonna do something in school today. What is it? Get on the computer, I've got KidPix for ya. What is this? Go down, KidPix 4, no, 2004 is too late, baby. That, that one. I don't know if we're gonna find. No, that one! These videos are all 17 minutes long. Yeah, it's way too long. No, there's a 430, you don't need to do the whole thing, but scrub through it. Scrub a dub dub, find that fucking. There's an ad. Oh, fucking advertisement. Now they want free plugs. It's crazy, dude. Look at this, baby. This is KidPix. This is KidPix. Look. You can have a stamp! And they would make, they would make sounds like. Yeah, and then you could do straight lines. You're just narrating. Look at that.
Look at the hands, dude. Ding dong. Yeah! That was a ding dong! I forgot about that! There was multiple ways to erase, and one of them was a ding dong, and then this, and then it would open and be like, yo, my shit is gone. Yeah, and they would do shapes, and look, oh, I love this, yeah! The gay, the gays color. Come on, man. I'm not kidding, I thought the doorbell rang. We don't have a doorbell. This was such, like, this is when.
Oh, don't get Frank started.
When companies were playful.
No, but like, look at how fun-
Oh, go back. When they erase. I need to see how they erase again.
That one's ass, bro.
That was so ass as balls.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Go back to that one.
Go back, go back.
Here we go. Watch this. Watch. Oh, that sounded good.
Well, I saw a cross on there. What the hell was that?
Yeah, that was kinda freaky, bro. That one was whack. I don't even wanna see this. I'm disgusted by it.
If I don't see the dynamite, I'm gonna be so fucking mad, dude.
I need to see the goddamn dynamite. Did they bury the dynamite because they know we wanna see the dynamite?
I think there's no dynamite.
Go back. There was a circular one. That was circle. That was... This, this. Go to this.
No, I think they drew that.
No, this is another one. It's like a bomb that comes in, boom, and it erases. That one's kinda cool.
That's fucking up my eyes, brother.
It's gonna give kids.
Yeah, that's if, if, if anyone suffered from some form of epilepsy.
There will be no picks left.
Do they have KidPix? The computer game-
We have to, yeah.
Available today.
Make sure you say the full name.
See if they have it. Because I remember I'd go home and I'd open Microsoft Paint and it was so fucking dumb. It'd be like, oh, I can draw with a pencil.
So, can I play with KidPix with an X today?
Just write KidPix-
Yo, don't say that. Don't write that.
Just write KidPix 2025.
I can't.
I mean, listen, there's a lot of- I see, why, why do they do this to us?
I hate the name of this company.
Uh, likely refers to the Vtech Kill Kid zoom-
KidPix 3D?
Yeah, try that.
Don't- 3D KidPix, don't do it.
So, this is probably the new, the new version.
A 15-day trial?
I did realize clicking on that could have been-
Also, what website is this? Makiev?
Yeah, I, I, this feels, this feels like we're getting-
Oh, KidPix!
I don't-
Fuck, it's the website. It's the official website.
No, I've been, my mom has been caught with this before. Social Security thing.
Your mom's been caught with KidPix?
No, that was, that was not good. That was not good.
We're never, what is she getting caught with?
Like, she's given her social security, I don't know.
Oh, I get you, so, gotcha.
I think it happened to my mom, too.
Your mom, your kid picks.
But there were so many, so you don't know, so you don't know about, uh...
Go to Clippy, type in Clippy.
Clippy, you don't know Clippy for Microsoft?
This little invasive bastard. I'd be trying to put something in WordArt.
You don't know Clippy, bro? I've seen, I've seen this guy.
And he would pop up and he'd be like, "Looks like you're making a poster board. Let me tell you about this." Like dude, I'm just trying to write the scientific method. Okay?
I mean, I, I've, I've like, I've leaned on Clippy like a few times in my life.
Be honest with something. Be really fucking honest with something. When you were in like, middle school or high school, did you ever plagiarize?
Be honest? Bro.
I would say sixty-eight percent of my entire academic career was not me.
Okay? I mean, when I, when I got to college, they had like the web, like, like portals that like you had to upload your paper to and they would come back and be like, "You're good," or like, "You're not." But I remember in sixth grade, I did a paper, and I'm not kidding. It was the Wikipedia entry, just copy and paste it to the paper.
Like, not even-
Oh, in sixth grade, you think you're so smart?
I mean, but the teacher's gonna look at it and be like, "What?" No, I didn't get caught for it.
Yeah, so she was like, "What?"
Who was your sixth grade teacher?
I'm not gonna say her name.
That was 141, though?
Yeah, it was.
Yeah, that checks out.
That was the same one that called me disgusting. Like, you disgust me?
In s- a sixth grader?
Yeah, because I had told her, like, the reason I missed a month of homework is because my grandfather died.
Yeah, you are disgusting, though. But she's not supposed to say that.
But I did, my grandfather did die.
Yeah, ten years prior.
Three.
That's-
No, more, more like six.
Yeah, what's that?
No kid picks for you, buddy.
That's fine.
You wanna, you wanna get this one upset? Take away this kid picks.
Come on, see, why you gotta do that? Why you gotta do all that, Joey?
Oh, man, I love the kid picks.
With an X. I just, there's so much-
With an X.
What X? So like, you didn't have a Goosebumps book?
I had Goosebumps books.
Yeah, you gotta feel those.
You had to feel like the ones that were like ribbed.
Oh, but ribbed for her pleasure?
Or like the one with like the dad's like hand was on it. Where it was like stay out the basement. The one that had like the purple goo, I'm like, oh, it's ribbed for her pleasure. Like you could kind of feel it in your hands.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like the one that was just like, uh, say cheese or die. And it's like the Polaroid of just like the skeletons and he's like cooking and shit like that. Yo, those were like trading cards back in the day. And I know what you're thinking. Yes, I've looked into eBay listings to get like OG first edition Goosebumps books.
You remember when, when, uh, fucking Captain Underpants was mad popular?
Yo, that was a big, like, I read those books.
Yo, I like bartered one at a classic book fair once. I was like, yo, I only got like a dollar and like a fucking eraser. Like, give me this fucking book. I need it.
Well, back in the day, a dollar got you fucking like a whole like Christmas season's worth of gifts for your family. Like I remember I'd come home with that little white bag that looks like they're from the dentist. You know what I'm talking about?
I do.
And I'd be like, alright, so I got Criff, a thing of slime. I got Jessica and a Wraith her. Alright, I got mom, mom.
Oh shit, the slime!
Yeah, they would have little cups. Like, they were like little like-
And like glittery kinda.
Yeah, they were hard and they smelled so good, dude. I don't remember the stink of them. There was certain slimes that were stinky.
Yeah. They were like wet and farty and stinky.
Whoa. Jeez.
Mm-hmm. I read Goosebumps and as soon as it said, oh, if you pick this thing, go to this page, I said, this too complicated. I stopped reading.
Taking small direction was just a little too much for you.
It's like, you could choose, like, choose your own adventure Goosebumps.
Oh.
If you went left, go to page four hundred. I was like-
Yeah, it literally would be like you'd read five pages and it'd be like you can either go to page forty-five or you can go to page six.
Just give me the monsters.
I mean, they were all over the place. They were, they were monsters everywhere.
R.L. Stine. When I picture, I have no idea what that guy looks like, but-
You don't, dude- You don't know who RL, what RL Stein looks like?
I am, I don't know if I wanna know, do I wanna know? Well, what do you imagine?
Hold on, wait, no, no, Joey, close your eyes, look up a picture of RL Stein and then look up a picture of some other random person. I guarantee he'll know who RL Stein is.
I'm sure he looks like how I think he looks like.
He looks like RL Stein, brother. Like, there's no way, and this is a, a, a-
Look up RL Stein, let's take a look at his stuff.
Do you know that he has sold more books than, uh, Stephen King?
Yeah, that's-
Oh! That's about right. Is he in the intro, am I bugging?
Uh, he's in some of the shows. Where he's just like, "I'm RL Stein."
Robert Lawrence Stein. Stephen King looks like Stephen King. Yeah.
Dude, talk about cocaine.
Talk-
Stephen King. Some of his books are fucking out there, brother.
Why do, why do these guys look like the books? You know what I'm saying?
I guess, you know, like, you find that they get popular some way, and then you see them, and you just kind of like-
Type in Goosebumps Skeleton. Book.
It's, no, Say Cheese and Die.
Is that the one?
Yeah, you don't need to go through it, I know what it is, there was Say Cheese and Die, there was-
Type that in. Goosebumps Skeleton?
Just go to Goosebumps Covers. And you'll see all the ones, and you'll be like, "Oh, I remember that one."
I'll tell you, I'll tell you what I thought RL Stein looked like.
I stole one of these books from Lauren.
Lauren Bett?
Yeah. LBs.
LBs. I don't know if this is what we wanted. No.
Why not?
There was, I, I remember there being a cover where there was like a skeleton on it? Or a mummy, maybe?
I mean, there was a mummy book.
No, this isn't, oh my god, that fucking guy's face though.
Say Cheese or Die, that's the first one, look at it.
I don't like it, scares me. This one?
Oh, that's not the one I'm thinking of. There was one where it was like a, a mummy or something, and he was like looking like this, and I was like, "That's what I think RL Stein looks like, like a mummy."
I mean, that's pretty, pretty good.
Yeah, it's pretty good.
Camp Jelly Jam, I remember that one.
That, I don't like when, things are drawn like that, where it's like people are smiling really hard and their eyes are open, I don't like that. Kinda freaks me out.
Dude, so fucking good.
Do you think that Goosebumps would be successful if their books weren't ribbed for her ple- pleasure?
No way, absolutely not, no, a big part of, a big part of what made Goosebumps successful was like how much effort they put into the aesthetics of this book.
The rib, the ribbed.
And like, also, and not even just that, but like- The pages being like basically made of just like papyrus? Yeah, I fucked with it. Like it, like you open that book and you smell it, like books aren't made with that shit no more, dude. Yeah, I don't like this. I don't like modern books! I mean either. I miss when they smell like shit. Dude, I love opening a book and just be like, I don't know if this was printed last year or in fucking 1501. Yeah, dude, I feel like back in the day, I would walk into a library and I'd be like, it smells like diarrhea. But like, good diarrhea. Good, yo, I'm not even- Like a book diarrhea. And I knew, like, when I walked into a library, I knew that it was the stinkiest, safest, safest place on earth. And then the librarian walked over, she smelled like shit. Yeah, she was a bitch too.
She smelled, she's a mean, mean person that could have had a dirty diaper. Probably. But the love of books- She was mean, but good. We're dealing with books, my guy. We can't have someone soft in here. Like the Dewey Decimal System is about- Bro, the Dewey Decimal System is not meant to be fucked with. And I don't, I don't know it. I don't, and guess what? I'll never learn it. Is it just decimals? What is the Dewey? Who's Dewey? Why does he have his own decimal system? And how do we, as the basement yard, get our own numeric system? I just miss when books are fucking filthy bastards. They smell like money, kinda. I love, dude, I love when people would slam a book down and it would just look like dust. Yeah.
Like, and it was just an old, fat, stupid book that you know, just like, you, if you open that thing, you're like, who had this? Do kids still have textbooks? This is a crazy, like, it's a very disconnected question, but like, do kids still have textbooks? Because I used to love textbooks too. One of the best parts was like, opening up, and for whatever reason, I liked, in high school, I'd, I'd be looking for like, a famous person's name. It'd be like, yo, has Brad Pitt used this book? Like, I don't know anyone in this fucking book. I thought you were gonna say like, you open to like, a random page, and you'll find a funny picture, and it'll just be like, yo, turn to page 61. And they'll turn, and it's like- It's a penis. Yeah, aw, man. Or like, a random dick drawn on page 14. Dude, this is part of being a child. Dude, handed down textbooks?
Was so
Book socks! Bro!
Yeah, you see how he just jumps there?
Book socks!
I remember a book sock!
Yo, those were fire!
Some of us, some of us, our mom had to do the fucking like cardboard paper, construction paper. Remember? They would be like, "You have to cover your own book or you're in trouble."
Fuck you. And it was the librarian, who I give her pass because she had a lot going on. That Dewey Decimal System's tough, but get the fuck out of here.
Dude, and also, you remember like, there was a couple of Asian kids that did this fucking-
Oh, the Asian, the best stationery.
Bro, they had this like, plastic wrap that was so tightly wrapped around this book, I was like, "Nothing's gonna get to this book."
Not even just that, but it was like, they put it on and then used like a heat gun.
Yeah, there was no bubbles, no nothing. It was like perfectly put on!
Yeah, dude.
I was like, "Yo, fuck, what is this?"
It was crazy. It was honestly crazy, but like, they were book socks.
Love that.
Which were basically, it was just spandex for a book.
Yeah, it was like, but sometimes you'd wear it as a durag.
Some of us.
I've done that.
Okay. I'd be like, "Yo," and then, and then what, what would you say in said durag?
Well, this was in middle school.
Gotcha. This was peak, you know, like, Don, Don Santa Gato.
Tejo Santa Gato.
Nah, you know what it is, like, back then, I feel like my Spanish and black friends were like, "We really wanna see you in a durag."
So that, you know, once a quarter-
And you did it. Did it give you waves?
Um, no, it did not.
Didn't give you waves?
No, it didn't.
Your durag did not give you waves?
Oh, man. The book sucks, man. Those are great. Damn.
Bro, you remember reading logs? I, I forged-
Let me tell you something.
I, my parents had never signed a reading log. That's what I'll say. Oh, I, I, I mean, I've told you what my approach was.
This is great. This is great.
You know, I mean, you know what my approach was for the reading logs? Is I would have my grandmother who-
Oh, that's a bad one.
Wait, who, I thought you were complimenting me exploiting my demented grandma.
Well, I, I, I do respect that. I know that sounds bad, but I do.
Respect the game.
I, I do respect the game.
Wait, what, what were you thinking I was gonna say?
I thought you were gonna say that as long as you forge from the beginning, you can't go wrong.
Oh, I, my thought process didn't go that far in 4th grade.
My mom, my mom has like incredible penmanship. Like, she has like this magical-
Yep, my mom too.
Uh, like, you know, whatever. That's because they would beat them in school until they got it right.
Yes, absolutely.
Which stopped with us, so our handwriting is not as good as theirs.
That's why, that is why our, our, our whole generation is sucks.
You want people to have better handwriting?
Hit them with a yardstick.
You gotta let the teachers kick the shit out of their kids.
You know what's wrong with this-
The handwriting will improve.
You know what's wrong with this country and the youth? They didn't get their ass whooped by their teachers.
Their teacher wasn't beating them with a yardstick.
Yeah. That's why we have failed.
Obviously, that's appropriate.
That's why we have failed. Who is, you think it's crazy that teachers were paid well and then beaten the shit out of our kids?
Listen, what, what do you, what do you think matters more? Perfect handwriting?
Penmanship.
Or, and, and like, uh, uh, trauma? Or, or no trauma and bad handwriting? You tell me. You think, you, trauma, bro, whatever. You got, you probably, you know, you got a few screws loose when you get older and like it's hard for you to make relationships because you were beaten by your teacher and then your parents-
Teachers, teachers need a place, place to blow off steam.
Yeah, they gotta-
Why in God's name shouldn't it be with their fists?
And children.
And their children's faces.
And children that aren't theirs.
Exactly.
You know?
And look at how good the handwriting was.
Do you think my grandmother got good handwriting because her teacher was nice to her? No, it was because she was afraid that she was gonna gut her like a pig in school.
Come on guys! Yeah! When I think back to like our parents being like, "Oh, our teacher used to hit us." I'd be like, "I would literally kill my teacher." Yo! If someone touched me, bro! First of all, if I went home today- Oh, man. And one of my children said like, "Oh, my teacher hit me with a ruler." Bro, I'm coming with you! I'm driving my car through their living room. Yeah, that's crazy. Like, it's not gonna be a fun reaction. It's crazy.
My dad would, my dad would sign my homework so poorly that the teacher thought that it was me forging it, and then I would get in trouble and then I would cry.
That's fire.
Yeah, that's kinda, that's kinda, I mean-
That's cuz your dad didn't get his ass whooped, probably.
Yeah, your dad-
What he needed was the yardstick, beating his head in! Your dad, Mr. Yellow? He did not, he did not get his ass whooped enough.
Yeah, that's what he needed. Um, but you know what else we need in this world?
Aura Frames, okay? Aura Frames, uh-
You could have pictures of your grandparents!
You could have pictures of your grandparents and your favorite teachers who helped you in this life. But Aura Frames, these are, these are great gifts. I mean, the holidays are coming up and I always suggest this to people. I think it's a great gift, especially for like a parent or a grandparent or whatever. Um, you know, people you don't get to see often, but it's a digital frame that you can upload pictures and videos to, and then it's kind of like a slideshow. So like, we got one for my mom last year and, you know, all the, my siblings and I, we kind of upload pictures to it, so she has it like on her nightstand and then now they have kids and stuff, so she gets all these pictures, which is fairly nice. So, it's really cool, um, it's an awesome gift. Uh, you can have unlimited photos and video. Uh, you can preload some of the photos before you ship it, so she doesn't open it and it's like, "Oh, this is a picture of nothing."
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Yeah, highly recommended. Got one of their beds. Incredible. Uh...
What were we just talking about?
I have a question. Do you think, like, how much about, like, 90s culture do you know and not know? Like, if we were to pull up random, like, toys or items, would you, like, have no clue what they were?
If we pull up KidPix...
Yeah. They would have to...
Well, he didn't know KidPix, which was huge.
They would have to have bled into the early 2000s at least.
So like, I can't think of anything. If I were to give an example, would you know Moon Shoes?
Yeah, but Moon Shoes...
What's the skip shit? Skip it.
That's a, yep, that's a good name for it.
You don't know Skip It?
Type in Skip It.
Skip to my Lou.
Skip it.
That's EAT.
Skip It Toys 90s.
Yes. You never seen one of these things?
You never saw skip it?
You put it around your ankle and it kinda just rolls and you skip over.
And then like you kinda go in a circle and you jump over it and you're supposed to see how many times you could skip it.
I wasn't good at the skipping.
I was never good at skip its. I was also never good at, uh, jumping rope.
You know, you know bop it.
You know bop it. You know sockem boppers.
Sockem boppers?
You've never socked bop?
The two robots?
Those are rockem sockems. You don't know the difference.
Rockem sockem robots.
You don't know the difference between sockem boppers and rockem sockems? Rockem sockems does not sockem boppers. Sockem boppers is when you're bopping someone's sock. And bockums rockem sockems is rockem sockem sockem rockums.
Look, there's, there's giant sockem boppers.
Yeah, but these were something else that I had. It wasn't these.
You had an off-brand sockem bopper?
I think I had the updated.
You remember the commercials? Soccer boppers. We could sock all day and bop all night. That was the, I swear, that was the real commercial.
That's insane that there was.
That was the real commercial.
Between KidPix and that, I mean, what are we doing here?
Yeah, I mean, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not writing these. The adults that wrote and performed that jingle should be ashamed of themselves.
Yeah, the 90s are a wild west.
These were just a way to just punch your friend in the face and pretend it didn't hurt.
Yeah, it absolutely still hurt, by the way.
It did, absolutely.
But you did, uh, you did like, uh, what was it? The sockem, rockem sockem bockem?
Alright, okay. Oh no, don't, don't start looking at stuff. You know Polly Pocket?
Uh, don't piss me off if you didn't know Polly Pocket.
But those are so popular. They transcend like...
Uh, but see, here's the thing is I don't want to like you start looking into this. Like I'd rather us pull it up and then like see if Ant knows it? Or is it not a good full-length episode?
I don't know, but like, we're talking about it now.
Yeah. Alright, so if I were to say Betty Spaghetti, you know who we're rocking with?
Is that Play-Doh with coming out of the hair?
No, pretty close though.
I think you're thinking of like Chia Pets?
Nope.
No, that's plants.
Yeah. You're literally, it's literally like Play-Doh when they would like put it and then they'd like pull it down and it was like a barber section of Play-Doh.
That's what I just said.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's what I said you're thinking of.
Okay. I know that one.
Hit Clips.
Who?
Hit Clips?
I thought you said klits. Hit clips.
I didn't know that in the 90s.
Klits? I would hope not. You were three at oldest.
Barely know now.
What the f- oh my god! You don't remember hit clips? I had no- dude, I forgot what this is called. They were like 12 to 15 second versions of songs on like a miniature little like thing. And you could play it like that, yep. It was hit songs on little clips. Yeah, so they were- It was little clips of hit songs. Yeah, they were hit clips. Yeah. You know, obviously you know what a furby is. Did you have a furby? No, never got into that. I had a furby. I don't like furby's in my house. They- their eyes, I don't like it. They definitely had eyes. But like their eyes were so open. This is, I mean, this looks- I have so much to talk about, guys.
These hit, these hit clips, these look-
Nineties.
This looks old.
Yeah, yeah, this is old as shit. What about Yak Back? Do you remember a Yak Back? What's that? You definitely remember a Yak Back. Yak Back?
Nah.
Oh, yeah, it was just like a voice recorder. But you could like talk to it, you could be like, "Hey, what's up?" And then you could just start it to be like a, a robot. Like, "Hey, what's up?"
Nah, I don't know what this is.
That was a pretty good like RFK Junior there. What did I just do? "Hey, what's up?" I can't believe you didn't have Yak Back.
Mm-mm.
Oh, man, what else? Did you ever have a yo-yo?
I, I could yo-yo.
You can yo-yo?
I've walked a dog in my day.
Oh, I've never a big walk the dogger. What's the shit with the triangle where I like- It was like the tick tock clock or something like that.
Yeah, I did that one once and I was like, "This is a great day."
I knew someone that was like a legit world champion yo-yoer. Oh. They have had, I know what you're thinking. No sex? They had sex. They have had sex. Not with me. I know people that they've had sex with.
If you're the world champion in anything, it's gotta be cool.
You'll find somebody. Yeah. Dude, I could imagine-
Girl like ready.
I could imagine, I, I mean, if you could pull someone being a world champion yo-yoer, I imagine that's pretty difficult.
No, you're the world champion.
There's gotta be like, there's, there's other people involved. In the scene. Yeah. And you're the best? You're the world champion. Yeah. Let me teach you how to walk the dog. Like, "Oh, you want me to bring you around the world, sweetie?" That's, I mean, that's what I'm saying.
Yeah, you're getting there.
No, I can't, I can't imagine. He's probably definitely making, as a world champion, you're probably, you gotta be making at least a couple hundred bucks.
A couple dozen bucks, dude.
Let me take her around the world.
You ever play Cat's Cradle?
Like Jax? Which one is that?
The string?
That's the yo-yo? Oh, oh yeah, that thing, yeah. What is that?
I don't, I don't know. It was like an old timey game, speaking of, that our fucking, our librarian taught us.
She taught us that?
Yeah, I remember she taught us that.
Ms. Martinez, shout out.
And then it was...
But do you, you play it? Ms. Martinez used to bark at us, dude. Really?
Yeah, our librarian. I'm not kidding. Whatever happened to women of a certain era that could scream with bass, yo?
That's so true. Our fifth grade teacher, her, her name, her last name was Schnitzer.
There was, yo, there was, I can na- I'm not even kidding, I can name five teachers in our elementary school that screamed with like the bass of Barry White.
Bro, Ms. Schnitzer was this old rickety, like-
German woman.
German woman. But she would let it go like a beast.
Dude, I remember-
Fucking reamed him one day.
Oh yeah, she got me.
And I was like, yo!
She got me.
I thought he was gonna hit the fucking wall.
She got me. I just wanted to go and play some Kid Pix.
And she was mad at me.
She was pissed.
No, and then you remember Pogerbin?
Pogerbin had some pipes on her-
Bro, this woman was like-
She was a thousand also!
Bro, this woman was like five foot zero.
And she could scream-
My god.
Like fucking the lead singer of Guar.
She literally was like fucking Axl Rose.
Yo, she was letting it, and I remember she got, "Oh, with it!" She was like, "How, duh, duh, duh!"
Oh yo, Ms. Lynch, bro, there was a teacher-
Yo, I'm not-
And she had a megaphone.
And I'm not-
She didn't need it.
I'm not convinced she was a real person. She was, I'm telling you right now, thinking back on Ms. Lynch from our fucking elementary school cafeteria.
She was created to be a lunch lady.
Yo, she, she deadass was like the mitochondria of that school.
Powerhouse of the cell, baby.
She, she literally like, she was like in charge of the entire lunchroom, and it's like, yo, you gotta, you gotta really, you know, be that bitch if you're gonna be, if you're gonna be in charge. And she had the whole fucking school listening.
You know why, right?
Cause they could hear her at all times.
And you know why, right?
Why?
Probably got her ass kicked by her teacher, dude.
Her teachers beat the shit out of her.
The dog shit out of her. Dog walked her. And also-
R.I.P.
I imagine. She was fucking 900 when we were kids. That was 30 years ago. I am, you have to also put yourself in that position. That lunchroom looked like it was built to be a fallout shelter.
It was brick.
Bricks.
I'm talking Brick City.
And all those, the, the
All the pillars and all the windows had cages on them.
They literally had cages.
This was a prison for little children.
It looked like an insane asylum.
It, yo, I'm not kidding. Yo, I swear to God, it looked like the scene in Good Burger where they went to the insane asylum. Do you remember that scene?
Dude, yes, it looked exactly like that. And then when you go in the bathrooms, anything that was metal in that school, if there was a chip, you would realize this has been painted over one
billion times.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. With like red, lead paint.
The reddest paint.
Dude.
Blood, maybe.
I remember, I used to hate touching the handrails because my hands would smell
like just raw iron.
There's no way that paint
And then they would have
passes any sort of health code test.
And zero, zero. I'm not even kidding. It was like, the paint was so caked on to these fucking handrails. It was like, and also the stairs, cage.
Cages, stairs.
Cages, bro.
The stairs are good.
I haven't been in there. Can we go back?
I would love to.
I would love to like do a video of us like taking a tour of our fucking elementary school.
I literally would chip into the handrail and just see, it would look like a jawbreaker, dude.
Yo, I couldn't tell if my hands smelled of raw iron or chicken. That's what that fucking place was like. It was incredible, though.
Yeah, but that, that building could crank out a rectangle pizza. Let me tell you right now.
Fuck a rectangle pizza, baby. When that fucking mystery ravioli came out, that was just 48 million ounces of sauce and one ravioli you had to find.
You had the power of the sun in the middle of that ravioli.
Yes, you did. And then you had
Fucking, just the voice of all voices, Ms. Lynch, just bellowing out. Yo, like, like, I'm gonna put it in terms that you'll understand, Pokemon.
Loudred. Like, like, this, she had the fucking power on her, that was just like, holy fuck, like.
Bro, think about this, you're in a, what feels like an insane asylum, surrounded by children, all the, all the windows have cages. You're eating a ravioli that is one million degrees in the center, so you're burning your mouth. There's a teacher screaming so loud into a megaphone that is peaking and cracking because her voice is so loud. And she's selling pretzels in the middle of the fucking lunchroom.
And let me.
And then you're getting a nosebleed. Like, it's like, this was my life. Like, that was my life. Like, getting nosebleeds was like, all the time.
Oh, and I know what you're thinking. Not hot pretzels, baby. Ice cold, sopping wet pretzels that were covered in the coarsest, biggest chunks of salt that you have ever seen.
The first few bites of those pretzels tasted like the cardboard box that they arrived in.
Absolutely. And then the last three bites, if you made it that far, was basically just like licking a Himalayan pink salt lamp. Okay? And then you look around and there are children lined up everywhere.
Yeah, for whatever reason.
Because they would like stagger the lunch periods. Do you remember?
So like, we would get there as like, third grade was getting ready to leave. So like, we're on the line around the whole room and getting ready to get our food. And then third graders are just heckling us, walking in between, just like, "Oh, you fifth graders are gay." We're just like, "We're not gay."
Bro, honestly, I forgot about all that. There's new children lined up everywhere.
I say, hear me out, because I know your, your, your mom used to work there, she probably has some connect still, right?
Yeah, I imagine.
Just get us in there to do a tour. Have him follow us with a camera and we just talk about.
I'm sure you remember everything.
I, I'm not kidding.
It's like brand, they did a whole giant extension. Did you know that?
Dumb, stupid, leave it how it was.
Yeah, I'm not into that. I love the OG building.
I also hope they have those old school fucking doorknobs.
Those are cool knobs.
Those are cool doorknobs.
They were like custom.
Yo, this is back when we cared about stuff. Now what? Now what? You're gonna have a prefab door that you had a fucking made in a factory in China because it's cheaper?
And you bought it at Home Depot?
This is all Shark Tank's fault.
Yeah, these were custom knobs.
Custom knobs.
That said the name of the school and everything.
Knobs, kid pics, and just screaming short little fucking German women. Why were all of our teachers German?
You wanna hear something crazy too?
Poggerbin, Schnitzer.
Bro, do you remember, I mean, I know that you remember, but in, in that school, that you would take one of your friends, not one of your friends, but they'd be like, alright, someone's gotta clean the erasers. Because that's when we use chalkboards. There was a dedicated room in the building that was the size of this white thing here.
Yo, not, not a joke.
There was a machine that was louder than the German teachers.
And you would turn it on, and there'd be a thing that goes like this, like a brush, and then you would clean it in there. The entire room is covered in chalk, and there was no light.
No ventilation, no light? We were six years old, hotboxing. School chalk. Yo, we walked out of there like, fucking like, what a rough day in the mines.
It was in my lungs and in my eyes and shit. I had another nosebleed, like.
Life was so simple.
I bled from my nose more than I, than anyone who's ever done cocaine in their twenties.
Yeah, and they would send the piece of shit kids like me and Joey to go down and do that. And then the cool kids that were three fucking levels ahead in reaving would get to use the big purple sponge on the board to clean the board. While all the cool Asian kids have the cool stationery, and what do we have? Just fucking chalk lungs.
Send them down to the mines, go clean the fucking chalk, the chalk erasers.
And then they gave our poor art teacher a room under the stairs in the basement. R.I.P.
I remember the first day of class for, for the teacher, we, uh, we drew the planets. That's the last thing I'll say.
Well, it's the last thing she probably heard too, because she died.
I love you.
I was calling God there.
We're not gonna say her name.
Yeah, no, we're not.
What is wrong with school nowadays? I think, listen, I know, I know how-
The last 20 minutes have been a blur.
I know how like, much you guys have rallied for getting rid of the Department of Education. So if I can make- If I can make, well, you just talked about abolishing the Department of Ed.
My family lived off of the Department of Ed.
If you, if I can make one suggestion. I say, make schools, like, only use schools that were built in the 1910s.
So, the ones that are filled with asbestos?
You can get them out.
Sure.
You can, abate them, get kids back in there. Cause there's a sense of just like, you need personality in the walls. If you just go to school and you're like, "Oh, it's just, you know, a smart board." If I find out my kids learning on a whiteboard, I'm taking that board and I'm tearing it out.
Did you guys, I know you have, we had this together, but like, did you have, did you ever use a chalkboard, grown up?
So, did you get to the point where it was like, "Okay, there's these new boards." And then in order to use the new boards, there was like this whole system where you had to go over and like, click the-
I think about that all the time and I'm like, "Oh my god, this is like, so cool." Where you had to like, click the X here, then the X there.
It's like, "Oh, now we can use this thing."
Yeah, and they ended up sucking nuts.
Oh my god.
They were not good.
It was basically like using an Etch A Sketch.
Yeah, uh, but I remember when we would do like handwriting and it had like, the wood block that had like, the three metal things on it and you put the chalk in it and you drag it across.
Mmm, that was my shit.
Dude, bring chalk, chalkboard back!
Why are we all like, dude, a- as someone that has written on a chalk- Chalk! As someone that has written on a chalkboard and a whiteboard, I do not see the value in anything other than a chalkboard.
Whiteboards are just too clean, like, school needs to be gritty!
I think you could upload like, files and stuff.
Ugh.
Paper.
Who cares? I mean, I do like the like-
Is chalk bad, like?
I mean, it definitely took some life off of it.
I hope up, I hope up.
Do you hope up?
I just got a stroke. I hope not!
I hope up, yo. I hope up.
I hope up and down.
What happened to me?
I, I hope, I hope not.
Not up. Uh, look at up. Is, is, is board, are chalkboards bad for you?
For you?
Like, just Google that. Listen, I need you to understand something here, my friend, okay?
Are chalkboards bad for you?
I, I, I only-
If you eat them, how many calories is a chalkboard?
Why aren't they used?
Oh, like it's not one of the things up there. And don't look at the AI answer.
Oh, it could be bad for you due to dust.
It's more the chalk and the dust.
So they were just fucking, basically waterboarding us with chalk fumes. They were gassing us with chalk fumes in this building.
The chalk dust.
It's the dust.
Which makes sense because I would get that chalk in my lungs and I'd be like- I'm not gonna lie, I love, I would wanna eat chalk, bro.
Hell yeah.
Just like the crunch of it.
Chalk and sawdust, two of my favorites.
Saw, we should go, we should do a whole episode on the best types of dust.
Chalk dust.
That's such a bad idea.
Sawdust.
Stardust?
Stardust. Angel dust.
Ooh, that's a good dust.
Pixie?
Pixie dust?
Pixie dust.
Is that a thing?
That's a good one.
What's pixie dust?
Kit pixie dust.
I think it makes you fly.
Oh, you're talking Tinker Bell.
Um, what about? Dust bunnies?
Bro, that's not a type of dust, that's a type of bunny.
No, dust bunnies are dust, aren't they?
Yeah, but it's a collection of dust, and a collection of-
You're thinking, you're thinking of slob bunnies.
What's that?
Slob and these nuts, oh god, I got him, god, I got him, I got him so good.
Piece of shit.
To be fair, to be fair, he said what first. I just followed the what. So he got your slob and he nuts.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
I'm still not a hundred percent sure. Oh, slob on these.
I thought it was like a meme thing, like slob any.
Slob and these nuts got him.
You didn't get me, you didn't get me.
Oh, that was good.
You did not get me.
Thank you for that.
You having fun?
What are you writing down even right now?
Uh, the, the notes.
I can only imagine what that pad looks like at the moment.
I have sucking pipe.
Killing Joe? Question mark? MSG recap, ad, kid pics, modern books, 90's toys.
So far, it's been a full episode.
It's been a great episode, honestly. One of our best.
Yeah. Definitely an interesting one, for sure.
We're gonna get a whole new demographic of people liking our show because we are pro teachers beating the shit out of people.
That's how we get the boomers.
That's what I'm saying.
We get the boomers by being like, "Yeah, teachers should beat kids." And then all of a sudden, we sneak in right after they turn it off to being like, "Hey, obviously, you shouldn't beat the kids."
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Next year, we'll do shows with just at senior living homes.
Or just be like, "You guys, why do all these kids have poor penmanship?"
Why is Gen Z, they don't have jobs in their game?
Yeah, why, why? Oh, what, they have purple hair now?
We hate it too, just like you.
You know who had purple hair when we were kids? Eisenhower.
What? I'm just trying to relate to an older demographic. Eisenhower, dude. I don't know. Uh, alright, well, that was fun, I guess, but...
Don't guess.
Yes, you're right. It was fun. But, anyway, thank you guys for making it all the way through this episode. Frank, where can they find you?
The Frank Alvarez everywhere, baby.
And?
@frankprisco on Instagram.
Hey, still got it on there, man.
Joey's giving you an inch of him every week.
You guys can follow me at TheJoeSanagawa. Go follow the show at The Basement Yard, and that is all. See you guys next time.
Bye, babies.
Page updated October 31, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated