The Basement Yard
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The next chapter is here. The Hulu original series, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives: Orange County, is coming to Hulu and Hulu on Disney+ on November 12.
We've all been shaped by Mormonism in one way or another.
But there are moral divides that are pushing everyone to opposite directions. I am here to be a good example for the church. I think it's a cult. We're gonna have a problem.
Watch the Hulu original series, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives: Orange County, November 12, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+ for Bumble subscribers. Terms apply.
Welcome back to the ba-
Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, how's it going? In brown again.
Why, see, why do you, why?
No, I'm saying, that was an observation.
Just an observation.
You look great in brown.
Thank you. I feel good in my earth tones. Greens, browns, beiges. It feels like it just works with me.
Beiges.
What a stupid way to spell a word.
Beige? It's French. They're so stupid out there.
Is it, is it French?
Look at how it's spelled. An E's and I's and G's and E's.
What happened to tan?
Uh...
Tan. Tan is beige.
But see, the thing with tan, though, is that tan is subjective.
When you drew white people when you were a kid, what color crayon did you use? Did you use peach? Were you one of those guys?
Yeah, I did peach.
You peach?
I peach'd it up, honestly.
I never used white.
Yes, you did. You would X out the black. I remember.
Fr-
I remember Joey would, Joey would X out any people of color, and then he would color in everyone white. I remember that very clearly.
That is not what happened. I wouldn't use peach. Sometimes, you know what I would do? I would take the orange one, but then I would go very lightly.
Oh.
Because it was like, I'm giving the white people a tan.
Well, that's why peach would make more sense.
Or like a brown? You know what? You know what's crazy? Sorry to cut you off again.
No, you're not, you're not sorry.
That's the third time, I think, so far.
Two minutes in, by the way.
I don't know that I've ever tried to draw a person of color when I was younger. Because I was afraid.
Of them? Yeah, I know.
No!
I was afraid of being like, oh, I can't, I don't know how to do this.
Yeah, no, no, I hear you. I, I remember in, uh, it must've been like seventh or eighth grade, we had to do like, you remember, I was a, I was a baccalaureate and they were all like, you have like a big project for every class at the end of the year.
Okay.
You like worked toward it. And in our art class, we had to do self-portraits. And I never finished mine because I just couldn't get.
Your skin tone?
My skin tone right. And by the time I would mix and get it right, class would be over.
Paint or what?
Paint, baby, paint.
You had to paint a self-portrait?
Yeah, yeah, it was tough, man.
So, you started with brown?
I started with, I, well, what I would do is I would start, I would literally go white and then I would little drops of brown and I, where I would get it to, I would feel so good and then I would just stop.
How would you describe your skin tone? Like, we, compare it to an item?
Um, um, uh...
Like, are we getting like a, like a light potato, something like that?
Don't, don't call my p- skin potato.
I'm saying, I'm thinking colors.
Alright, if we're going colors.
Like a?
I'm going like a, I'm go- ooh, like a whipped, here we go.
Whipped?
Here we go. Like, uh, you ever see people that were like making that like whipped coffee drink during quarantine? And it was like such a light brown?
You pick it.
You're like a latte.
You know what I'm like? Dolgana. You remember, uh, Dolgana?
What Pokemon is that?
No, no, no, no, no, remember, remember Squid Game, the game that he'd lick, he'd lick it?
Yeah.
That color, but a little...
Frank, that color was like, you'd have jaundice if you were that color.
No, it was, it was kinda brown. It wasn't yellow.
It was like closer to yellow than brown.
It might've been, it might've been, honestly.
No, not might. I've seen the show. I mean, you'd be, I'd put you in the hospital if you'd like that.
Let's see, let's see.
It might have been gold, to be honest with you.
I, I would, I would, I would.
Frank, you're not gold colored.
Oh, look, a Dolgana coffee. That, but a little lighter, right?
That looks like a glass of milk.
You don't see the coffee, the whipped coffee on top, baby?
Okay, I do see that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You see that, like a little?
It's a little dark.
It's a little, it's a little dark. But light, that's why I said lighten it up a little bit.
Dolgana, though.
You're definitely like a latte. You got...
I could see this. Give me that bitch.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Give me that bitch.
Oh, that's fine, that's fine, I'll take that.
You're not taking anything, it's my skin!
I'll give that.
You can't have my skin!
What about, what about me, what am I?
Don't, and be nice.
Cause I'm not being mean. Oh, okay, um, see, it, the only way to describe it is just white hands, like...
Not, look, don't look at my hands.
Okay, just like...
Look at my face, what am I, what co- what, what do I look like, like, what thing do I look like?
Uh, huh huh.
Skip over the first two.
Yeah, okay.
You look like, um, like a coconut, like a, like a, like a coconut custard pie. Like, not as golden, but just whiten it up a little bit.
Okay, uh, my legs, we're getting into like...
Now we're getting translucent, like, your legs look like a spring roll.
We're getting into like a key lime pie territory.
Like a spring roll.
Look at the, yeah, like one of those, like, look at my leg.
That's bad.
That's white as hell.
I would show you, I'm wearing jeans right now, I'm not pulling my pants down.
Yeah, that's good, that's crazy.
This is like my skin tone for most of the year, I would say, even probably a little darker right now, because it's still a little sunny out.
See, I kinda look like a pig, sometimes.
You do, I, I've often said that.
You know what I mean? Like, my under, under my arm, looks like a pig's body, kind of, like, I get pink.
Like, if you were to roll over a pig, and roll you onto like, your side, I wouldn't be able to tell the difference.
I mean, you'd be able to tell the difference.
I don't know, that's what I'm saying.
You ever feel a pig? I've felt a pig race a lo-
I love pigs.
I don't like the way they feel, though, I think they're cute.
They just feel like big old fat pigs.
No, they, they feel like, like a scab.
No, I don't know what you were petting, that might have been a diseased pig.
It was, no, it was a big fat pig, and I've pet multiple.
Uh, their hair is too like, hairy to me, you know what I'm saying, like...
It's like, barely hair.
But I don't, no, it's pretty hair, like, it's very much so hair.
It's very hair.
I don't like it, have like, more like, fur, I don't fuck with hair.
I like fur.
Hair on animals fucks me up.
I don't, you're right, fur?
For animals.
Fur, cool. If animals have hair, that's disgusting.
Oh, my god.
If they have fur, I love that.
I love that, because that's what's, it's supposed to be, if I feel, I'm like, this should just be a human.
Unless you're a horse, that's, that's hair, like, that's a mane.
Yeah, but no one calls a horse's hair, they call it horse hair. Like it has its own type of hair.
It's fair.
You know, like, no one calls it like, oh, this is like pig hair. They just call it regular hair. Fuck the pigs.
Yeah, well, don't fuck the pigs.
Well, not like have sex with them, you know, like Black Mirror. I'm talking about like their hair.
Right.
How? How did we get here? How did we get here?
How in God's name?
Have we, have we gotten here?
So what was the thing, your dolatricks, what was it called?
Dolgana?
Dolgana.
I haven't had one of those. I wanna, I wanna-
I ate one.
I remember you did a video with-
It's just sugar.
Eh, well, it's, it's honey and like baking soda.
Yeah, yeah.
And, and they like cook it.
Uh, I like it.
Do you?
It tastes like, I mean, of course it tastes like, but like, like a, without the cream, like a creme brulee, like the top of the creme brulee. It tastes like that.
So sugar?
Yeah, that's why I said sugar.
That's it?
Yeah. Was it you who made the edible glass for like a science fair in like fifth grade?
No, I wish, no, that's pretty cool.
I think it was my sister then.
How would you mix us up?
Because I remember being in that school.
Someone that you loved dearly?
Uh, just making edible glass. And it kinda tasted like that also.
I mean, just sugar.
It was more brown.
Just sugar.
I'm, I'm, um-
I'm not looking for the ingredients list. I know what it is.
When we were, when I did fiddler on the roof in high school, we had one of the breakable glass bottles. And it was sugar. I wanna get a couple. Can we just buy those? Just, how fun would it be on this show?
Just a break glass.
If you just pissed me off if I just threw a glass bottle at you? You know what I'm saying?
I wonder if they still hurt a little bit.
I mean, they're still sharp, right? Like in, what, what movie if I'm thinking about right now? Glass.
Are you just saying the word glass?
Yeah. When the Grinch eats the glass?
And he's like-
It can't be that sharp if he's eating it like that.
I mean, it's Jim Carrey. This guy's got teeth on him.
He does have chompers.
He's got, this guy's got some fucking biters, dude. Um, let's get props that would make our show better. Glass bottles.
Mm-hmm.
You haven't thought this far.
A gasoline can, but with water in it.
What's that gonna do?
How funny would it be if you just pissed me off and I just doused? I doused myself in gasoline.
You're giving it away. One day you should do that. You'd be like...
Just pick up a thing and dump it on your head. How funny would...
Start flicking a match.
How funny would that be?
It'd be so funny. I guess what? Youtube wouldn't find it funny.
De-monetized.
Pissed right now.
Deplatformed.
It's like, we're not... Can't be fucking...
Committing the Susan on TV.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So a gas can, glass bottles, one of those like fake like, uh, like gag knives that like, they like...
They go into, you know what I'm trying to say?
Yeah, they say you could stab?
Into the handle?
How sick would it be?
To fake stab each other?
Fake stab each other.
So far, we've only picked violent things. And the first thing that popped into my head when you brought that up was chain mail, which is sick.
I would... Why don't, why haven't we done an episode in chain mail?
I don't know.
Didn't Danny do an episode in chain mail on his show?
No, he like, he, there was a birthday party where he was like...
He was dressed up as like a knight and he had chain mail.
He had full chain mail.
I would love some chain mail.
Yeah, I would too, but if we have chain mail, we gotta test it.
We have to stab each other.
I would literally, we would have to stab each other, not like as hard as we can.
Not puncture stab. I'm, I'm good to take a hack at you.
Oh, you're gonna take a hack at me?
Yeah, with like a sword.
Don't hack at me. I wanna see if it goes through. I would like to be stabbed like...
Oh!
Yeah, like that.
Give me your best, give me your best stab right now. But it's someone, no, no, no, stop, stop, stop.
All right, let's set the scene here. I didn't tell you to close your eyes.
I didn't close my eyes.
Oh, they were just looking down.
I was looking down.
Got you. All right, now close your eyes. Go, so... Oh, they're open again. It's the love of your life.
Who stabs me?
Who stabs you, but you understand why they had to do it. It's for the greater good.
And... Action.
Wait, you gotta stab me?
You get it?
Look at me, look at me, I have tears, I have tears in my eyes.
That's good!
Academy motherfucking award.
Leonardo the craps!
Who's the craps?
Who is Leonardo the craps? Who is the craps? Joey Santa guy. Listen, Scorsese.
Put us in.
I'm just saying-
Let me get stabbed in a movie.
Watch this, you ready?
Actors and directors, you watching?
All of them are watching now, go.
Yeah, Tom Holland, you guys are boys now.
I wish.
He might. Watch this, you ready?
Go.
Alright, Joe?
Yep.
You've just been betrayed by the love of your life. We're gonna sting you.
Have I been stabbed?
You've been, but no, like, you've been like figuratively stabbed. In the back, by the love of your life.
Oh, in the back, okay.
Alright?
I'm the love of your life. In just this scenario.
Right?
Yes.
Okay, here we go.
Wait, that's it?
Alright, so-
Forget it, don't even, don't even, don't even-
Alright, no, no, his emotions will tell the story. I'm trying to hype you up here, baby.
No, no, I know.
Alright.
Oh, I'm in character.
Oh, sorry, my bad. Alright.
You gonna say action?
Yeah, I'm fucked up, sorry!
You betrayed me.
Normally I'm in front of the camera. Alright? And, action! God, that actually hurt pretty bad. Alright, shut up, shut up, bitch. And, action!
Yeah, I just wanna know why.
You already know.
Maybe it's because you farted on my tits.
That's why?
Maybe, maybe it's because I asked for non-farts.
You knew what you were getting when you got into this relationship.
Look, did you see that? Did you see the composure that he had there, Marty Scorsese? That was really good.
Come on.
Honestly, we had stuff to talk about. I kinda wanna just do these acting scenarios now.
For the rest of time.
Honestly, okay. This is the last one we're gonna do until the next one.
You're with the love of your life.
Frank, give me a different scene.
I don't want you typecasted, you're right, okay.
Yeah, you don't wanna pigeonhole me?
You just found out that you got the best news of your life, but it means that you need to kill your whole family.
What the hell? And I'm gonna do it?
Well, that's... You... Express it. Give me something here.
Give me something. All right? And...
The best news of your life, but I have to kill my... But my whole family's gonna die.
Well, no, you have to kill them.
I have to do it.
You have to do it. You have to be delivering for the final blow.
All right, and... Action!
Wow. Unbelievable. I mean, look at how... Look at how he is exploring the space around him.
Exploring the space.
You see what he did there, folks? If you're not, by the way, if you're not watching this on video, all of this is gone.
Yeah. Guys, what you're missing is an Academy Award-winning performance.
A tour de force, baby.
A tour de force.
My face is like a book that you can read.
And enjoy.
And every... Every... Every single atom around his body right there, he explored that whole space. He used it all up.
I felt the pain.
There's no more room in this... In this room.
There's no...
Because I've used it all.
Babe, call your carbon dioxide. You took the air out of the room.
Oh, God. You're so good. Guy has a way with words, too. You're good. You're like a savant.
I don't know if...
Okay, all right.
A word savant?
Can you... Can you...
You want one?
Give me something.
You know? Give me a little. Let me show it off. You never know who's watching here, babe. This is weekly. We're live... We're not live.
We're not. Um, okay. So...
You're married to the love of your life.
So, it's always the love of your life, so it's high stakes. So it's love of your life. You come home, you're slightly drunk. Not hammered, you're slightly drunk.
And you looked through the window and you see like, one of your, like the neighbor is in there and you don't know why.
No, what are they doing there?
Well, what are they doing there? So you're a little confused and you're a little scared.
Yeah, this is tough.
Alright, wait, wait, wait. Give me a sec to get in fucking character.
Alright, get in character, here we go.
You know?
First, first thing you're gonna do is open the door, alright?
Oh, you want me to pantomime the door?
Explore my space, right?
I'll, I'll be the love of your life.
Okay, ready?
Action.
What's up?
Hi.
What's up? What's going on?
Nothing, we're just, just talking.
Well, what's up dude?
I didn't know you're here. Am I him too?
No, no, no, you're, oh, do you wanna be?
No, I don't. Um, nothing, how was, uh, how was work?
Oh, alright, you know, well, I didn't.
Are you drunk?
What?
No, I had, like, three beers.
Okay, you just sound like a little drunk.
No, no, no, no, no, I'm good. Um, what were you guys talking about?
Uh, nothing. Uh, Jake was, he just came through next door, he was like, walking by.
Jakey, what's up? Kids good? Alright, what were you guys talking about?
Uh, no, Jake was just talking about the kids and whatever, I invited him in just for some coffee or whatever.
You okay?
I told you what would happen. I told you what would happen.
What are you doing?
What needs to be done?
You see that? You see the roller coaster of emotions? Goodness gracious.
What needs to be done? You made me do this.
No, but see, I didn't have a steady hand. I did have a steady hand. No shake. Because I knew internally...
You already knew the answer.
This is where, if I had had to shake the hand...
This is the tipping point.
There was no doubt in my mind that Jake was dying.
You weren't dying.
Oh, you pointed at me.
I know, but Jake, like it's the old double, the do-si-do, you know?
Do-si-do.
Do-si-do is where you...
That's what I'm trying to say. That's what I'm trying... I'm a little drunk.
See, I had to get in it right there.
And that's acting, folks.
Acting 101 with Joe and Frank.
If you guys were wondering, that's showbiz right there.
I know what you're thinking. Do these guys have no formal training?
Correct.
Yes, we don't.
Did they figure that all out on their own?
So?
Put us in a fucking movie.
That's what we're trying to say.
Listen, God, why, you know, not God.
Oh, I thought you were speaking to God.
Via pod.
I mean, you never know, they might be... God's always watching. And Santa Claus. Weird how those are the two.
The only two that are always watching.
Yeah, God and Santa Claus.
And Big Brother.
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Yeah, and if you want someone to join you when you're working out, why don't you go to patreon.com/thebasementyard. You sign up today for that first tier, you get these weekly episodes. One week in advance, that second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. And you know, there's some more stuff coming down the pipeline. Joe, Greg, myself, and the team we got over here are working to make uh make the next step. Give you guys more content, more stuff. So go check it out, because there'll be some stuff on there you're definitely gonna want to be, you know, dialed in on. So, patreon.com/thebasementyard. Thank you guys so much for getting us to a consistent, record-breaking number. We want to keep growing, want to keep giving you guys more and more and more. So, we're gonna be able to do that with Patreon's help. So, thank you guys. Patreon.com/thebasementyard. Go check it out. Baby, baby.
Baby, baby.
Yeah. Also, we should talk about, you know, there was something in the news, Frank said this before, he was like, Olivia Rodrigo.
She's in a little trouble.
She got, nah, I didn't like, trubs?
Couple.
Couple?
A couple of trubs.
A couple of trubs?
Apparently, there was like a kiss cam at her concert.
Yeah, why? That's the first thing. Why?
It's like a pop concert.
But like, why do we do kiss cams at places?
I mean, I would like-
Don't force me to kiss.
I would, I would-
I love kissing, but don't force me to kiss.
Have you ever showed up on a Jumbotron?
Hmm, yes. Once. At a Yankee game.
What'd you do?
Air guitar.
Frankie.
Yeah. Becca has a video of it.
You did air guitar?
Oh, yeah.
Was it, was it, were they like prompting people to do-
It was like the air guitar cam.
Oh, okay.
And I fucking shredded, let me tell ya. I don't remember what song it was. It could have been Crazy Train.
It could have been Paradise City.
It could have been, you know-
You can stop naming songs.
Oh, are you sure?
You just went like, "Eeeehhh."
Oh, you know how I get with air guitar.
You stood up?
Did I?
Yes, I did.
Um, but, the reason why we even brought that up, Olivia Rodrigo, she like had a kiss cam, these two people showed up on it, and she was like, "Kiss, kiss right now, kiss." They ended up being bro and sis.
Now you have, you're a big anxiety guy.
Yeah?
If someone puts you in that position, does your anxiety tell you, like, I have to kiss my brother or sister? Or like, you're just like, no way, dude?
Hey, man, what the fuck kind of question is that?
Well, because like, the anxiety of like, you're on screen and like, Olivia Rodrigo is screaming at you.
Frank, easiest decision I ever made.
Yeah, to not kiss my fucking brother or sister.
I'm with you, I'm not kissing any of my siblings.
Uh, but like, alright, I know, like, you and I've had talks behind the scenes, what about if it was one of your cousins?
What does that mean?
I thought you were gonna ask, like, if me and you showed up on a kiss cam.
No, no, no, no, no.
I, I, I mean, it is a funny accident, though.
Telling a brother and a sister to kiss. I've learned at my age to never assume people are couples.
You know, because then if they are brother and sister, there's like, ew, what?
Or you ever see two people that, that are, that look alike, and they're like, dating?
Yeah!
And you're like, huh. What is that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, or like-
There's a lot of that weird shit, where people say, oh, you date someone that reminds you of your mom, I was like, what?
Well, yeah, they always say that women end up with someone that's like their father.
Oh, okay, so are we all just like, doing that?
I mean, I don't know, I don't think I'm, I think in ways, in good ways, I'm like Becca's dad. You know, but, that's weird.
I know!
I think like, in terms of like, you want like, the, the sentiment is like, if you're treated well by your father, you're gonna end up with someone that also treats you well.
That's pretty vague, though, like, I wouldn't say that means like, oh, it's my dad, cuz they're both nice, like, come on.
I know, but you know, people, these horoscope people will make anything fit.
They love it!
They'll read a message in the newspaper that'll be like, tomorrow the stars will be for you, and it's just like, oh my god.
I do feel better tomorrow.
I do feel that, honestly, you know?
Oh my god, tomorrow feels so different. But yeah, that's kinda crazy, I don't know that she got in trouble, but-
I mean, also, just say, oh, my bad, you know, oh, your brother and sister, that's, that's a funny accident, sorry.
Yeah, it's out of she took their heads.
Why do we need to like, issue apologies for stuff like that now?
Did she issue an apology?
I think she had to like, say like, my bad, like, sorry guys, I'm, I'm, that was a mistake, also-
Like, you know, actually.
What the hell are you about to say?
I know what we're talking about. What are you thinking about?
I was gonna say like. Has this ever, do you think this has happened and people have kissed?
Like they're.
The brother or sister or someone like that?
I would hope not.
Or like they put it on like, you ever see the one where it's like they put it on like the wrong, it's just two random people sitting next to each other and they, and they kiss?
I'm sure that's happened.
Where they're just like, alright, I kissed!
I, I, yeah, I think that's happened.
I don't wanna be on a kiss cam.
Me neither. I don't wanna be on the camera when there's anything else going on.
I do want to be at like a Knicks game and they show like a clip of us and then we're there and like, you know, people are just like, oh my god, yeah! It's like.
Yeah, that's the one.
That one.
That one is my favorite one where there's like. You know, and they just pointed their hat and scream. Yeah, yeah, yeah!
But I mean, if they, if they put us on the Jumbotron at MSG. I don't think there's gonna be an insane roar.
I would hope. Give me, give me a couple, give me a couple chips.
Yeah, I would like like two people in my section like, yeah!
Oh my god, yeah, oh shit! You know, like.
I think there'd be more like, why do I, for some reason?
Yeah, oh my god, yo, did you see the Costco guys went on Fallon?
I did see that.
Did you see? He was not having it, brother.
Yeah, he, they're like, boom, boom! He's like, yeah, boom, boom, boom!
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like saying that he's like, the boom meter is like, and he's just like, what? Dude, uh, he's, he's just.
He wasn't into it.
He was not into it. To his defense.
I will say the Rizler looked like a Lego.
You ever see a Lego sit in a chair?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It looked exactly like that.
He did, he did. Where did that, you know, like, he's, just cause he's a small boy, is what I mean.
He's short, is what you're referencing, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, his legs are like straight and he's sitting straight up.
Yeah, and he's just like.
Yeah, what is that? Like, is he giving the sign to bunt? Like, what is he doing? He's like...
Like, what are we doing?
It's gotta be.
Swing away?
It's gotta, yeah, there's gotta be some, like, coaching aspect to it or something like that.
Yeah, I'm just very confused.
I gotta say, we could make up our own, like, face thing. You know what I mean?
No, I don't know what you mean. What did I do?
Like, the Rizler has the...
Do you know what it is, actually? Do you know the motions?
He said it on the show, and I don't know. Oh, he does it all the time. I think it's just like...
Like, shush, here's my chin, shut up?
Shush, chin. Shush, chin. But like, can we have our own, like, face thing?
Go ahead, make one.
The basement yard? Where we're just like, like...
Okay, I take back everything I said. Rizler face.
Oh, here we go. Riz face.
It's the, it's the, the, the shush, shush. Let me show you my jawline.
Oh, and this, and this.
Like this, look.
Yeah, what is that?
He's just like, he's telling, he's like, "I'm thinking about shutting you up and looking at my jawline."
You're giving them fucking free promo now? These kids are fucking getting songs on our show? Relax, I don't even know what that was. It was like two fucking thirteen-year-olds.
Bro, they've made...
Dancing with lunch lady in their hand.
They've made rap songs, dude.
Who?
The Costco guys.
Oh, I heard the original one, "Here Comes the Boom" thing.
Yeah, and now they have the new one still bringing it.
Oh, the sequel?
Still going on?
It's still going, and then they had a remix with the Rizler on it, dude.
The Rizler dropped a quick sixteen and he was...
A wild feature!
He was out, dude. Rizler came in, dropped sixteen, up and fucking left.
That's kinda wild.
We're gonna have a problem.
We can have our own, like our own face where it could be like.
You suck at it dude, just let him do it.
Why, why, why do I suck? Give me a face.
Oh, very good.
I don't have, there's only one Riz face.
You know what?
It's the boy.
You know what fucking drove me nuts? Do you remember around like 2010, 2011? People did like the whole like, I don't know how to smile, like awkward, like.
What are you talking about?
You don't remember that shit? Bro, it was like those same group of people that referred to food as nom-noms. You know what I'm talking about? And they, like their, their fucking Facebook picture was them and their name was just like Melissa Rar XD. You know, or like, you know, like, like Stephanie Panic at the Disco.
Or Stephanie at the Disco, you know, and then they got to a point where like they wouldn't, they would pretend they didn't know how to smile. So they'd be like.
Oh my god.
I do remember that. And I remember there was a girl in my high school who she was like, uh. Is seen the right word? What is that? I don't know. With the black hair that would just like come across.
Emo, emo, emo.
I guess emo, yeah. And she had a picture on her MySpace that scared the fuck out of me. She had a picture where she was just going like this.
Oh shit.
And her hand was so bony.
What was in her hand? Nothing? A skull? Nothing? An apple?
I think the caption was something about.
A fucking something, some form of fruit.
I think it was like the caption was something about the world.
It was like, the earth crumbles beneath my posterity.
And it, and she was just going like this. And I was like, that scared the fuck out of me.
It was like the people that took the picture up here and it was like them and their feet were like, like Greg, you know? And they had the black and white checkered socks and the black and white checkered and they'd be like. Ooh, you know?
God, I hated those people.
They hated us too. Let's be honest about it.
Props. Well, I mean, and we were all, I mean, we were much better. What we were doing.
The fucking digital camera flash, can't see shit.
Oh, man.
But it was the style.
It was the style. It was, and we were, we were, we were cool. That's what, that's what I tell myself.
It was us.
It was very cool.
Uh, but I feel like, looping it back up. Twenty years ago, that would have been Olivia Rodrigo. She would have been one of those, you know, like, you know, like Avril Lavigne. You know, like the, the, the, you remember it was like the skull and crossbones that had a pink ribbon on its head?
And it was, y'all, oh my god, and like, that was their like AIM profile, uh, you know, like picture and stuff like that?
Yeah, cuz I love Olivia Rodrigo. I think she has great music.
Everything I've heard from her, very talented.
All of her music, not all of her music, but a good deal of her music is like, fuck this dude who I used to date or something.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The song, what's that song?
Good for you. Bro, the song Good for you is so fucking good.
You were off and then you got on track.
Oh, yeah, yeah, help me here.
Yeah, yeah, no, I mean, you did, you got, you got there eventually, yeah, yeah. It just took you a second.
Took me a second, okay. What's wrong with that, bitch?
You gotta get on the track.
Nothing is wrong with that.
Um, but, yeah, for everything I've seen, but she was definitely one of those, like, you know, uh, fucking, oh, there's.
But you are like the male version of that because.
Get the fart outta here, dude.
Every, e- v- r- e. Away message, or title, or anything, was a subtweet towards the girl that you liked.
E- v- r- e what?
Joey, do me a favor.
Say no, say no!
Do me a favor.
Say that's not true!
Well, do me a favor. What's the HVAC like in that fucking glass house of yours, bitch? Alright? Don't you fucking dare try to, cuz Joey.
Oh, this is, this is so worked up.
Okay, okay, okay.
This is what he would do, he'd be like, your away messages were targeted at girls that you liked. And it was like, so were yours! Sorry, you also included a line, like a fucking motivational line from fucking like, you know, Trent Lott, or someone, like a, a, a obscure fucking athlete that no one remembers.
You know who that is?
Yes, you do, bitch.
But what you would do, Frankie would update his in real time. That's the difference, alright? I will admit I did that as well, but you in like real time, one day you.
Hot kettle, we're both black!
Well, but, don't take that outta context!
No, but Frankie, like, one day you'd get home and his MySpace name would be changed to, "I guess I'll just walk home."
Something like that!
Yes, yes! Fair, fair, fair, fair, bitch. It'll be like, "I asked the girl if I could walk her home and she said no." And my, my then-away message that night would just be like, "I don't like walking people home."
Or like, "Walking home alone is, like, actually very dangerous."
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Some shit like that, where it would be, but you did the same shit!
I almost got killed tonight.
No, I, I, I don't, well, I probably. It would be something like, it'd be something like, "Chased by three raccoons, guess that's what happens when you walk home alone." You know? That's what it would be. But Joe, you would do the same shit!
But I would do it, it would be more general, like, I would just put in an away message, this is for no reason, by the way, not pointing at anyone, just pointing at everyone.
And it would be just a broken heart.
That's what it would be!
Or...
And then I, mine, you, this is what, this is, I didn't understand, I didn't understand subtext. You did! I gave full context.
Joey would fucking post a broken heart and thirty people would hit him up saying, "What's wrong?" I would post like, "Damn, damn, I guess..." You want to cast a white net, you're a fucking fisherman out there. I would post like, "Damn, alright, I guess breaking hearts is just part of the routine now." And people would just be like, "This is fucking stupid."
"This is dumb, leave this kid alone."
Oh my god. Like, I, I remember one time, I think I've said this before on the show, but, in my bio, on, in, on the Instagram, whatever, I remember I just put, "You gon' miss me when I'm gone." Bro, I was in seventh grade.
I'd do that now, if I'm being honest. Every now and then, just to get a rise out of Becca, I'll just be like, "You know, one day I'll be gone." And she's like, "You have to stop."
Yeah, I mean, that's stupid.
Yeah, well, it's, you know, a testament to, I, sometimes, certain things never change.
Consistency.
I...
And that's what we want.
If I'm nothing else, I am the same person I've always been.
Yikes.
In ways. No, but, yes, Olivia Rodrigo would have been one of those people, where it would have been like, you know, her away message would have been like, you know, "At Pac Sun, because I'm heartbroken."
You know, some shit like that.
Maybe food will make me feel better.
Yeah, "Ooh, uh, nice pizza, rar."
Pizza has my heart.
You know what's funny about this? The other day, I posted on my story, "Everything is bothering me today."
And I never do that anymore.
Who, who? Who, who? Who does this? You do does this.
First of all, I could do it 100 times and the score wouldn't even be fucking close.
Oh, fuck.
That is fair. We do have, hold on, we have to get, we have to get sponsors. We do have some more sponsors here, okay?
Come on!
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It's been a really good week, honestly.
I wouldn't say it's been a good week.
I mean...
Yesterday was horrible.
Yesterday, well, my entire day was great. We did trick-or-treating with the kids.
Nice, that's good.
But, you know, at night, watching the Yankees lose was not fun.
Not fun.
But, we did go to one of the games.
The one game that they did win, we were there.
I'm not, listen, the superstitious person in me has to acknowledge that the only game they won was the one we went to, and it was because our friends at SeatGeek sent us there. That was fucking unbelievable.
Yeah, World Series tickets, I don't know if you guys took a peek at how much those were going for, but, whoa, a lot of muns.
Yeah, got a big, thank you guys, thank you SeatGeek for sending us to the game. That was really like, an insane opportunity that we got to do, and we got to see the Yankees win, and...
Anthony Volpe Grand Slam.
Let me tell you something real quick. If you guys have never lost your voice, go to a sports game and watch something happen.
That's it.
That's great advice. I thought I was gonna pass out when I screamed when he hit that.
Yo legitimately, I had to grab onto Greg.
I was seeing stars.
And then I turned around to the guy next to me, no clue who he was. I grabbed him by his collar and I shook him as hard as I could. And I had to, I apologized to him after. I was like, "I'm sorry buddy." He was like, "Oh, it's good, man. Let's go Yankees."
Let's go Yankees, yeah, exactly.
But it was, it was a really like a fucking outstanding opportunity to get to go to a World Series game.
Fifteen years since the Yankees went there. Who knows how long, you know, it'll take them to get back, but...
Didn't think we would be able to go. Like, tickets are really expensive. We also sat in great seats, so thank you to SeatGeek. And, uh, you know, I always talk about SeatGeek. If you guys go download the SeatGeek app, uh, if you use the code JOE15, you'll get 15% off any ticket. So, whether you bought tickets before, or whatever the case is, use the code JOE15. You'll get 15% off of any tickets you buy on SeatGeek. And again, thank you so much for sending us. Bucket list thing to see the Yankees win a World Series game.
Yeah, really appreciate it.
Unfortunately, didn't come away with the series! But, we were there, and it was awesome.
Yeah, so thank you SeatGeek, and we really appreciate it. Uh, before the game, though. Getting in was a funny one. First of all, 90% sure my car was not gonna be where I left it.
Why?
Well, I parked it in a garage, and I drive it, and it was like, normal parking for the garage. And then, like, a girl comes up to my window, knocks on the window, and she goes, "For a tip, I'll give you this parking spot. It's right near the exit." And I was like, "Okay." I checked my wallet, and I only had like, 15 bucks on me. So I gave it to her, she's like, "That's more than enough." I walked out of there, I was like, "This car is gonna be on blocks when I get back."
This may be a stupid question. Did she work there?
How, why did you think that she did? Cause she...
Cause she had the confidence, Joey.
Conviction.
You know what I'm talking about? Like, she had the, she came, she was like, "Excuse me." She's an entrepreneur. Honestly, if the worst thing I did that day was I supported a small business woman. A scammer.
Potentially.
In your eyes.
Does she wear a, does she wear a jacket?
She had a hoodie on. It was an all-black hoodie. It might have, it might have had the logo of the parking garage on it, but I don't, I don't remember.
I don't remember. I was so excited to get in.
It's a good scam, though.
Kind of smart, if you ask me.
Hell, yeah.
Your one year at the lake house, I did that. I, I charged people to pay, uh, like during like 4th of July, I charged people 20 bucks to park at the lake house. Like, in our, like, parking area.
I mean,
I mean, that's not like scamming. It's your, it's your property.
That's not the same. I don't know.
I made like 400 bucks that day, baby.
Whoa.
Yeah, I would crush that shit.
It's a lot of cars.
Um, so, uh, but I was, I don't know if I told you this. I was getting, I was online to get in, and there were two, you guessed it, drunk white guys that were trying to like hop the barricades and people kept yelling at them. Cause the way that like my gate was set up was like, it was just barricades like just snaking around.
I was in the barricades for mad long.
Ours went super, I didn't stop. I just kept walking. It, but it was just like a half mile long. And they kept trying to hop and people were like yelling at them. So then I lost track of them. And then there, as I get to like the gate where like the, uh, fucking metal detector is, the guys are in there. I, I see them yelling and the cops have them.
Oh, good.
And one of the, like, there's a woman yelling at them and I hear, and she goes, "They kept", she was Hispanic, "And I could do it", "Go ahead", she goes, "They kept", "All right, I'm not gonna do it." She was yelling at them and she was telling the cops, like, they kept trying to jump the barricade. And the guy's like, "What in the way, dude? Absolutely not." And she's like, and then she points to one of the guys, she goes, "He was pissing behind this car right here." And he goes, "What?" And the other guy goes, "He didn't mean to do that."
He didn't mean to?
He didn't mean it. That's one of my favorite responses.
You're taking the piss out of context.
Oh, my god. He didn't mean to pull his dick out and pee. He just accidentally did that.
Bro, I also, I don't know if I told you this, but we, me and Greg were get, were online, right?
And it's snaking back and forth like crazy.
Snakes are out. There's a guy in front of us. It's like this big white guy. And he's wearing an Otani jersey, right? And the guys, like, you know, you have to walk past pretty much the same people every time you're sneaking back and forth. So the guy who was walking past, there was a guy in a Yankee uniform being like, "I should gut you. I should gut you."
Jesus, gutting.
Saying that to the guy wearing the Otani jersey, right? But they're like joking back and forth and they just kept laughing. First of all, the snake, maybe six times, he did the joke every time.
And I was like, I was like, I feel bad for this guy. He's just like, you know, whatever.
Oh, did you give him a little sign of like reassurance, like a pat on the back, buddy?
Didn't do that. I was having a panic attack. Uh.
Were you really?
I don't know why. I was just having a panic attack.
Oh, no. Are you okay?
Yeah, I was totally, yeah, that was two days ago.
I mean.
No, yeah, I was alright, I was alright.
This is the first I'm hearing of it.
I literally was just like, oh god, fuck, but I was fine. Um, no, but so then we're walking, I was like, oh, I feel bad for this guy, like whatever. Cause the guy, like literally every single time, and I turned to Greg, I'm like, he's gonna do that joke every time.
He kept being like, "I should, I should gut you." And I was like, fucking relax.
We also, how did we know? Oh no, keep going, sorry.
So, listen, then, we're walking and there's a like, I'm assuming Japanese woman and a Japanese cameraman with the light and a microphone. So they're like, "Oh, come talk to us," right? To the white guy.
To the white guy, they said this?
Cause he's wearing an Otani jersey.
Who's, oh, not the, I thought you meant the guy that was offering to gut him.
No, they're talking to the guy who's wearing the Otani jersey.
Gotcha, okay.
I'm assuming they're Japanese for, because of Otani, you know?
Duh.
So, he, and this is the guy that I'm like, oh, I feel bad for this guy. So, he walks over and he just goes, "Otani!" And then runs away. And then I look at Greg and I'm like, "That was racist."
What the hell?
I was like, what is happening here?
How is that, why would he do that?
Did you ask him?
Ask him. I didn't wanna get near the fucking guy after that. He was canned, he was massive.
But he ran over to this woman and she was so excited to be like, cause, you know, there's a bunch of Yankee fans. They wanna talk to a Dodgers fan wearing an Otani jersey. And he went over and did that, and I was like, to Greg, and I was like... Was that bad?
That was insane.
Like, what the fuck?
I, I-
It was mad weird.
We didn't talk about this, but the first play of the bottom of the first, when the guys grabbed Mookie Betts in the stands. Listen, let's, let's, let's, let's say this.
That was dumb.
Dumb.
Don't do that. Also hysterical.
Hysterical.
Absolutely the funniest thing I've ever heard.
And like, first of all, his name was just like, "Buca di Beppo, Goppa Giggoli", or something like that. And the guys like, they, they interviewed him, he's like, "Listen, for the Yankees, I gotta D up a little bit."
He said that?
Yeah! Yo.
Did you hear, by the way, Gronk was like, "I went to college with him, that was one of my friends."
Really?
Swear to god.
On brand.
He was like, he was on the hockey team, he like, always talked about how he loved the Yankees.
I gotta say, cause I also saw at the game, the game that we went to, that Siki sent us to, thank you, Siki. They, like,
first of all, be rational. As a fan, whether your team is winning or losing, don't be one of those pieces of shit that's just like, "I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna, I'm gonna scream at this little kid." But, don't goad Yankee fans. Yankee fans are one of the
few fandoms that I would say like, don't poke the bear.
Not good.
Cause you're going, even if your team wins, you're gonna lose the battle.
You'll, you'll win the battle, you'll lose the war with the Yankee fans.
Like, you can, like, they're, like, Yankee fans specifically are up there with some of the worst fans.
The worst.
Like, it's, I-
And that's a lifelong
diehard Yankee fan.
Yeah. Phillies, like- Phillies up there.
Philly, Eagle fans.
Eagles fans is really the, the ones.
Though, they're known as-
They're worse than the Phillies, I would say.
I mean, I, I, you know, you would know, cause you're a
They're pretty bad.
bigger giant fan than I think Yankee fan, but like, I can't like, don't-
But Yankee fans are pretty bad.
Like, if you, there was a guy that was sitting next to our section, that was in full Dodgers gear, whatever, okay, but he brought a broom.
That was a bad idea.
For those of you guys that don't understand the context, I'm gonna mansplain it to you. Do you understand life? No. So, the Yankees were down 3-0, and it's the first team to win 4. So, he brought the broom as like, you know, it's gonna be a sweep. He kept turning around and holding it up and like, pointing at Yankee fans with it.
Regardless of what you're doing, like, just don't, most of these guys are drunk Italians from the Bronx that will fuck you up.
Like, they're not all me. They're not all lovable, kind, handsome.
Smart.
Too many.
They're gonna kill you if you give them the chance.
It was a good time though. I had a great time.
It was a really good time. I was very excited.
How many hot dogs did you eat?
Only two.
Only two?
Yeah, only two. I did, uh, uh, well, I went into like the Pepsi Lounge and like, they were just like, they didn't have it because Joey wanted, Joey goes, oh, he looked at the menu, he goes, I'll take a pretzel. As we walked away from the season, I said to Greg, I was like, he's getting a hot dog.
Oh, alright.
You were not getting a pretzel.
Well, the thing, I like had just ate before I got there. So I was like, I don't need to eat a hot dog, but I'll like.
Did you eat a hot dog last night, by the way?
Did I eat a hot dog last night?
No?
Just want to throw this out there. Go to a game, eat a hot dog, they win.
Don't go to the game.
Don't go to the game and don't eat a hot dog, they lose. I ate two hot dogs. I committed to the bit.
I said, Joey, one picture was me drinking wine, a really nice bottle of wine. And then the second one was me just dogging two hot dogs at nine thirty at night.
Hey, man, you commit to the bit. I only know one speed.
I had a grilled cheese and vegetable soup.
What kind of cheese?
Uh, cheddar and provolone.
What kind of bread?
Sour.
I have a trick for grilled cheeses.
Frank, it's just cheese and bread.
No, baby.
There is no tricks.
No, baby. The outside of the bread?
Mayo.
I've done that.
Not on, not on grilled cheese, but like on sandwiches.
No, no, I know, but you toast it.
Yeah, in a pan.
Fuck, dude.
I want a grilled cheese now. I'm trying to do no bread, no pasta right now, so.
Yeah, I have to eat an insane amount of bread in the next four days.
That's right. You got the marathon coming up. How you feeling?
I'm ready. I went for a run last night. Super easy, feel good.
Yeah, half?
No, I ran like four miles.
And you're feeling good, man?
Yeah, you're not supposed to run long now.
Jokes aside.
I want to say this.
Mm-hmm. Don't be proud of me yet. Didn't do it.
Okay, never mind. Nah, I'm not.
Don't do it!
Not gonna say anything until after.
By the way, solid chance we don't record when we normally do next week, right?
You're gonna be shot, brother.
Oh, no, I'll be fine.
Alright, cool.
Yeah, yeah. Um, anyway, I guess we can end that podcast there. Yeah. You slay in the last of your tea?
A little bit, baby.
Don't spit. You love spitting.
Yeah, you do. I'm surprised we didn't get peanuts at the game. That's the one thing that we fucked up.
You know, they had them for free in that lounge, but I didn't get them. I'm sorry, I got hot dogs and sweet Italian sausage. You know, all the way. Also, got all that for pennies because the person that was there gave us a discount because she was a fan. Thank you.
Don't remember her name?
Carla.
Nice. She worked at the, in the, uh, thing?
Yeah. She did the classic, like, "Oh, my god. My friends love you."
That's fun, dude.
Yeah, so, but no, seriously, best of luck. Next time that they, the people will see you. Well, actually, that's not true. They'll see you.
I should have a medal.
You get a medal?
That's the whole reason why I'm doing this.
Oh, I thought it was just for, like, internal fortitude.
No, I wouldn't do it for that.
You would do it, you need the physical.
Frank, I need the swag. You know what I mean? I'm buying a hat, I'm buying a jacket.
But then you get a free medal. Once you cross the finish line, they give it to you immediately.
That's so cool.
It looks like a fucking Olympic medal.
Is it bronze?
I don't know what it is.
Is it gold?
They can't give thousands of people gold medals. That'd be a little much.
Not a chance.
It's probably made out of just, like, recycled manhole covers.
Probably. If it was gold, I'd be punching people and taking medals.
People, other people would probably be doing that, too.
That's gonna be sick. Well, listen, guys, make sure you check us out. Patreon.com slash The Basement Yard. You could find me at FAlvarez8085 on Twitter, TheFrankAlvarez on all the forms of social media. Check out The Basement Yard on all forms of social media. Thank you for all the love that we're getting across TikTok, Instagram, all over the place. We appreciate it. We love you. We see you. Go check out Joe.
Yeah, you guys can check me out, @JoeSanagato on TikTok, Instagram, whatever else, uh, and, uh, yeah, go check out the Patreon and everything. We appreciate you guys so much. Uh, thank you again to C Key for sending us to the World Series bucket list thing. So we appreciate that. And, uh...
TBYTorMish.com, I guess?
Oh yeah, we forgot that.
I don't know if it's still up.
Uh oh, Greg. Greg might be mad at us.
TBYTorMish.
He's alright. Greg's on vacation, so he doesn't give a fuck.
It's true.
He doesn't give a shart.
He's on vacation, he's fine.
He doesn't give any sharts.
None.
That is all for this week's episode.
Do you remember on tour when Greg crapped his pants?
Every, every show.
You remember that, right?
Yeah, all the time.
Alright, well now it's true.
See you guys next time, bye.
Page updated November 7, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated