Bonus #189 - News Brothers Vol. 1 [PATREON PREVIEW]

Patreon preview. Unlock full episode at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld JP McDade and Anthony Devito join the pod for a very important non-kush news edition, that includes a special report on the Albanian protests against the Jared Kushner-backed resorts, Lindsey Graham’s sudden death, Mitch McConnell’s mysterious health status, a guy who burned his mom’s garage by lighting his dismembered dong on fire, and more. JP, Anthony and Stav help callers including a woman dating a guy who’s got a really tiny dong but who’s a sweet guy, and a man whose buddy is in denial about being divorced from his wife for over a year. Follow JP McDade on social media: https://twitter.com/jp_mcdade https://www.instagram.com/mcdadebaby Follow Anthony Devito on social media: http://www.anthonydevitocomedy.com/ http://www.facebook.com/1260596015 https://twitter.com/AnthonyDeVito_ http://instagram.com/comediananthonydevito https://www.youtube.com/@comediananthonydevito ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Stavros Halkias?

  Hey listeners, Stavi here. Thank you for tuning into Stavi's World each week. If you want to hear new episodes ad-free, subscribe to Sirius XM Podcast Plus on Apple Podcasts, or visit SiriusXM.com/podcastplus to listen with Spotify or another app of your choice.

• 0:18Speaker 01

  Today, I kinda got a special feature laid out on the status of Albania.

• 0:24Stavros Halkias?

  I do think it's about time.

• 0:25Speaker 01

  And the Kushner trunk, Trump takeover.

• 0:28Stavros Halkias?

  I do think it's about time, and you know what I would say? I am in Albanian colors for this episode. Shout out to the Double Eagle. The people of Albania.

• 0:37Speaker 02

  Albania is keeping it solid right now.

• 0:39Stavros Halkias?

  Elvis just got back from his vacation, and what he was doing was throwing his body in front of the protesters and trying to secure Jared Kushner's luxury hotels. I said, "Stop, guys, he's trying to help us."

• 0:52Speaker 03

  We're gonna get Wi-Fi.

• 0:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we'll finally get Wi-Fi in Albania now.

• 0:57Speaker 01

  They've injected a lot of money into the economy, guys.

• 1:00Stavros Halkias?

  Good for us.

• 1:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, Albania is really going through it, and salute to our brothers.

• 1:08Speaker 02

  Going through it, but also ascending. Like, I don't know if this is part of it, but did you see that the Google Street View images updated in like Tirana? And they're like, they look awesome now. They look so much better than they did 10 years ago.

• 1:19Stavros Halkias?

  Let's focus on the main news stories.

• 1:22Speaker 02

  Albania is on the come up.

• 1:24Speaker 01

  Well, okay, I'll just start a quick synopsis. Kushner is trying to take over Sazan Island.

• 1:30Speaker 02

  And bleep the first part of his name, because he's not Kush. He's not a Kush brother. He's just Bichner.

• 1:34Stavros Halkias?

  Jared Bichner, you're right. He doesn't deserve the Kush prefix.

• 1:38Speaker 02

  Kush is an honorary title.

• 1:40Stavros Halkias?

  He does not deserve to have Kush to be a part of his name. His new name is Jared Bichner.

• 1:45Speaker 03

  He will not be at the Tokis.

• 1:46Stavros Halkias?

  You are in a vanguard, are not invited to the Tokis.

• 1:52Speaker 03

  Our facial recognition software.

• 1:54Speaker 02

  It's gonna be at MSG.

• 1:56Stavros Halkias?

  Basically, the Kushners are trying to go, they're trying to get real Israel with it over in Albania.

• 2:01Speaker 02

  Wherever there's beachfront property, be it Gaza or...

• 2:04Stavros Halkias?

  No, I'm sorry, I forgot the part of the Bible where you guys were also promised Albania.

• 2:11Stavros Halkias?

  Is there a different 8,000 year old book?

• 2:13Speaker 02

  Which river were we talking about?

• 2:15Stavros Halkias?

  Jared Kushner gets Albania too? Did I miss that part too? Anyway, let's so yeah, give us what go ahead, Elvis, take the wheel.

• 2:23Speaker 01

  It's Cezanne Island, uh, it's a little island off Albania. It's also like a protected ecological site. They got flamingos and shit, but let's hear.

• 2:32Stavros Halkias?

  Albanian flamingos, huh? We're not gay like other flamingo. We are barely pink.

• 2:39Speaker 01

  But let's hear it.

• 2:40Stavros Halkias?

  We are not big like Bulgarian, like Bulgarian flamingo. Hold on, there's Albanian flamingos. You can't just walk past that. That's crazy. There's no way that's fucking true.

• 2:53Stavros Halkias?

  Let's see what the Albanian flamingos look like.

• 2:56Speaker 02

  They're just, they're just kidnapped from some other Balkan state and they're made to stand on one foot in the pond.

• 3:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Their people who are dressed up. Albania's battle, click on that, over Cezanne Island.

• 3:08Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, is this part of this?

• 3:08Speaker 02

  In Albania, what happens is if you do something dishonorable, they tar and feather you with pink feathers and they make you stand in a pool.

• 3:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, they actually.

• 3:16Speaker 02

  And those are the Albanian flamingos.

• 3:17Stavros Halkias?

  They bred flamingos so they could have pink flowers to tar and feather gay people with.

• 3:24Stavros Halkias?

  It just saves them time. They don't have to, they don't have to dye the flowers, the feathers pink when they're tar. They, that's a big part of the Albanian legal system is tarring and feathering. All right. Looks like, looks like your claim of flamingos.

• 3:39Speaker 02

  Really? Yeah, it smothers you, smothers your skin.

• 3:43Speaker 01

  Here's some protesters holding cutouts of flamingos, uh.

• 3:48Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, whatever, we'll take, we'll take your name for it.

• 3:50Speaker 01

  The, the disclosure comes amid sustained unrest over the development which sits on wetlands and beaches along Albania's southern coast that are home to sea turtles and flamingos. The latter adopted as a symbol by the self-styled flamingo revolution.

• 4:04Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 4:04Speaker 01

  Against a resort and alleged government corruption in general.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  So this says Bichner and his wife Ivanka Trump have said the idea for the resort came to them after they spotted the coastline from a yacht.

• 4:19Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  Renderings of hotels, villas and marinas on social media.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  Literally just being like Daniel Plainview like, why don't I own this?

• 4:28Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, why don't I own this? As a joke, these people should be killed in the streets. As a joke, you're on a yacht and you see a beautiful island and you're like, I want it. And again, in some kind of fantasy scenario, someone should take a block of granite and smash their heads open till the brains come out.

• 4:49Speaker 02

  Jared Kushner with his porcelain skin standing under an umbrella that someone else is holding and be like, can we do something about the frightening birds on this island? Remove them.

• 4:59Stavros Halkias?

  God damn, these people are such fucking pieces of shit.

• 5:02Speaker 02

  Hurry, get me back indoors.

• 5:05Speaker 01

  Let's just listen to a few seconds of Ivanka talking about it because the way she's framing it is pretty hilarious.

• 5:10Speaker 02

  She's heavier than Jared Bichner, I'm sure.

• 5:12Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 5:12Speaker 02

  I think.

• 5:13Speaker 04

  Beautiful, beautiful 1400 hectare private island in the middle of the Mediterranean.

• 5:19Speaker 01

  So, so she doesn't even say Albania when she's describing this. She just says in the middle of the Mediterranean.

• 5:25Speaker 04

  We were on a friend's boat and we stopped for a swim. Effectively, that's how we found it. We swam to the islands. We went on a hike. Barefoot all the way up to the top.

• 5:35Stavros Halkias?

  You fell for AI retard.

• 5:37Speaker 01

  This was an actual interview that like came out. It was like a extended interview.

• 5:42Stavros Halkias?

  It's, you guys are with me though. It's edited and.

• 5:44Speaker 02

  She's ghoulish.

• 5:45Stavros Halkias?

  It smoothed over like it feels like AI, but anyway, all right.

• 5:49Speaker 04

  Captivated and it stayed with us ever since and.

• 5:53Speaker 02

  You know what this is? It's Emma Stone's character, Begonia, doing the 30th take of her.

• 5:58Stavros Halkias?

  It really is.

• 6:00Speaker 02

  Her diversity video.

• 6:01Stavros Halkias?

  So right.

• 6:02Speaker 02

  It's just diversity a lot of times.

• 6:03Speaker 01

  But you know, that just, that just one thing that stuck out to me when I saw this.

• 6:08Stavros Halkias?

  These fucking pieces of shit just think they can have anything they want.

• 6:10Speaker 01

  I know.

• 6:10Stavros Halkias?

  God, I hope, I really hope some awesome stuff happens.

• 6:12Speaker 02

  We need to arm Albania with torpedoes.

• 6:14Stavros Halkias?

  We really do, bro.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  Interesting you should mention that. We don't quite have torpedoes, but uh, fuck, where is it? Oh. But, but like a few weeks ago, protesters went hard on the prime minister's fucking

• 6:34Speaker 01

  petrol bombs and fireworks. And Prime Minister Eddie Roberts

• 6:40Stavros Halkias?

  They were firebombing the prime minister's personal residence. Also, the prime minister just lives in an apartment building.

• 6:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, you know, it's just like right above a Chipotle.

• 6:55Speaker 02

  It's an in-unit laundry.

• 6:58Speaker 01

  Here's just some footage of it.

• 7:01Speaker 02

  Shelling the fuck.

• 7:05Stavros Halkias?

  And, and, and your boy ED, he's all for it, right? He's fucking.

• 7:09Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 7:10Stavros Halkias?

  He's sucking.

• 7:11Speaker 02

  He's on the take, you think? He's getting a little

• 7:13Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 7:14Speaker 02

  wetting the beak on this action.

• 7:15Speaker 01

  His dick is super hard for it.

• 7:18Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, shout out to Albania and they, what else have they been up to, Aldous?

• 7:21Speaker 01

  Well, hold on. I'll, I'll show you another awesome clip. This is just a sick clip.

• 7:27Speaker 02

  Colin Farrell?

• 7:28Speaker 01

  This is an awesome clip of a guy who was giving an interview when he was protesting. I kind of talked about it in another episode, but it's just so awesome because he's sort of like, he's basically saying, Lord, help these people. We're giving them, here, yeah, I'll, I'll try to do a line by line translate.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  He says, we're, we're giving them, we're giving them a little time out of the goodness of our hearts.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  Cause we're patriots and hold on.

• 8:03Speaker 02

  Pass me a gun and I'm gonna give you time to run while I rapidly peel.

• 8:12Speaker 01

  That's how we're, that's how we're taught and come, that's how we were come up to, to hurt the, to hurt the traitors.

• 8:26Speaker 01

  But out of the goodness and tolerance of our hearts, we're giving them 24 hours.

• 8:33Speaker 03

  We're being gentleman about this.

• 8:43Speaker 01

  We pray to God to help them.

• 8:48Speaker 01

  He's like, and we pray to Christ too, and that's a Catholic thing, but you know, we're...

• 8:55Speaker 01

  He's like, but even the Catholics aren't gonna wait any longer.

• 8:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think it's sanctified by the Pope. The Pope's giving the green light.

• 9:02Speaker 01

  And let's just watch a little more, because it ends awesome.

• 9:15Speaker 02

  He's talking about the Soros family?

• 9:16Speaker 01

  He says Soros, if I see you, your whole personal world, you're gonna have to take it up with me, and then...

• 9:23Speaker 05

  I will fuck your mother!

• 9:26Speaker 03

  Yes!

• 9:29Speaker 03

  That is a news brother! He is an honorary news brother!

• 9:35Speaker 02

  Oh, 10 pounds of cush for you.

• 9:39Speaker 05

  I will fuck your mother! I will fuck your sister! I will kill you motherfuckers, bitches!

• 9:46Speaker 06

  Fernando!

• 9:48Speaker 03

  Yes!

• 9:51Speaker 02

  Never has a dismount been stuck so perfectly.

• 9:56Stavros Halkias?

  I will fuck your mother, I will fuck your sister.

• 9:58Speaker 03

  I want your heart, I'm gonna eat his children, c'est voilà!

• 10:02Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god, dude! That was unbelievable.

• 10:05Speaker 02

  Code switching to English for "I will fuck your mother."

• 10:08Stavros Halkias?

  Just so nothing's lost in translation.

• 10:20Stavros Halkias?

  Hey listeners, Stavi here. Thank you for tuning into Stavi's World each week. If you want to hear new episodes ad-free, subscribe to SiriusXM Podcast Plus on Apple Podcasts, or visit siriusxm.com/podcastplus to listen with Spotify or another app of your choice.