#201 - John Wilson

John Wilson joins the pod to discuss his new movie The History of Concrete, hatmogging Stav, his Long Island emo phase, his early canon of Hi8 Johnsterpieces, discovering the self-healing properties of ancient Roman concrete, working for a PI, his warning to James Cameron, and much more. John and Stav help callers including a woman whose deadbeat mom is dating and living with her next door neighbor after the caller had to kick her out, and a man wondering if he should try to fulfill his ultimate nerd fantasy by making a move on a hot voice actress at an anime convention. Watch John Wilson’s new movie The History of Concrete in theaters now! Follow John Wilson on social media: https://www.johnsmovies.com/ https://www.instagram.com/peepingjohn/ Thanks to our sponsors!! Visible - https://www.visible.com/ SWITCH NOW! Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations Keep It Twisted!! Ridge - Get 10% Off Ridge with code STAVVY at https://www. Ridge.com/STAVVY Chubbies - Your new wardrobe awaits! Get $20 off Chubbies with the code stavvy at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/stavvy ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎤 Watch Uncle Stav on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/82055929 ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld 🎟️ See Stavvy live!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:26Speaker 01

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• 0:56Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, welcome everyone to Stavies World 904-800-Stav. Call the Stavies hotline, sponsored by Visible. We'll solve all your problems. We have on the couch today, very pumped, John Wilson on the couch.

• 1:11Speaker 03

  Hello.

• 1:12Stavros Halkias?

  Honestly, the only time I've been pissed at a guest for outdoing me.

• 1:15Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:15Stavros Halkias?

  I've been brutally hat-mogged.

• 1:18Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:19Stavros Halkias?

  On my own, to be, and look, I know this is an audio medium, half of you have no idea what's going on. John is wearing one of the most tremendous pieces of headwear I've ever come across. He's wearing a novelty sailor's cap. It says Captain Horny on it.

• 1:37Speaker 03

  It was a gift.

• 1:38Stavros Halkias?

  It was a gift.

• 1:41Stavros Halkias?

  What did you do to earn, what did you do to earn that hat, John?

• 1:45Speaker 03

  I think I was, yeah.

• 1:47Stavros Halkias?

  You were a horny lieutenant first?

• 1:49Speaker 03

  Had a bad haircut.

• 1:51Stavros Halkias?

  No, no. How dare you. That's a beautiful, that actually does.

• 1:56Speaker 03

  I knew you would like it, that's why.

• 1:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, thank you, man. I really appreciate that.

• 1:59Speaker 03

  Let you know, yeah, where I stood.

• 2:01Stavros Halkias?

  I appreciate that you're pro horny. This, you know what, which is interesting, because people might not know that, looking at you. Because you do, you had, as a.

• 2:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, you look at my movies, you look at.

• 2:11Stavros Halkias?

  True.

• 2:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:12Stavros Halkias?

  But as a, I think, maybe as a, what's it, what's the fucking, the guy who looks, the voyeur.

• 2:19Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 2:19Stavros Halkias?

  The documentarian is a voyeur by nature.

• 2:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think it's, yeah, it's kind of funny that, you know, I think documentarians don't always, you know, they're not always forward about.

• 2:29Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 2:30Speaker 03

  You know, the, the kind of perversion of the documentarian.

• 2:33Stavros Halkias?

  The document, at its core is a perversion, which I appreciate about your work. Because you.

• 2:40Speaker 03

  It's funny to lean into it.

• 2:41Stavros Halkias?

  It is funny to lean into, and I think you have this beautiful, like, you have an invisibility cloak of looking like a mild-mannered guy.

• 2:49Speaker 03

  Normal guy.

• 2:50Stavros Halkias?

  Normal guy, but there's a sick fuck in there. There's a real freak, there's a real horny captain in there.

• 2:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, you develop a sickness over the years as a, as a non-fiction filmmaker.

• 3:02Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely. And I like it, because it, I like when it's, when you just, a little glimpse, just a little glimpse. I mean, and also as.

• 3:12Speaker 03

  I should, I should wear this more, yeah.

• 3:16Speaker 03

  When I go out and shoot, I feel like, I feel like.

• 3:19Stavros Halkias?

  You'll get a different, you'll get different people coming up to you if you have a camera and you got Captain Horny on.

• 3:27Stavros Halkias?

  It would be awesome if just one thing you do, just if you, the way you cut into these insane people's lives from time to time. One of them is just pornography. Just P and V on camera.

• 3:40Speaker 03

  I just, I gotta find the right network.

• 3:43Stavros Halkias?

  We're getting there, dude.

• 3:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:45Stavros Halkias?

  The point where nothing means anything anymore.

• 3:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:47Stavros Halkias?

  We're gonna get to like, there's just a feed that everyone posts everything on. There's just a chronological web, we're fine, we're getting to the slop conveyor belt. And we're all, eventually, we'll just put our stuff into like one, you know, oh, the feed, it will be called the feed.

• 4:03Speaker 03

  I mean, I predict, I feel like I predicted this to myself.

• 4:06Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah?

• 4:07Speaker 03

  A little, you know, just, I think before AI was like a real thing, I was like, you're just gonna have the thing you want to see, it is, it is made.

• 4:15Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 4:16Speaker 03

  It is made somehow, and then it just, you watch it, and then everyone just sees what they want.

• 4:22Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 4:23Speaker 03

  But like, I don't know, I feel like that we're halfway there. We're in a very strange period with AI and stuff right now, where everything's just kind of misspelled and like, a little off.

• 4:33Stavros Halkias?

  I know, even someone who hates AI and is against it, we are up against, it's a, it's a real foe. Like, the idea, like, I love being like, fuck AI, it's not gonna work, and on some level, I do think when push comes to shove, it is missing, there is just a intangible element it will always miss. But that could also just be like, human romanticization, and the reality is, no, it's not. And nothing we do is actually that impressive. And eventually, computers will figure out, and it'll do, and yes, I will be able to watch John Wick fight Goku someday. You know what I mean? Like, because of, it's possible that they do that, and then Bulma comes out and she pulls her tits out.

• 5:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:15Stavros Halkias?

  That would be awesome.

• 5:16Speaker 03

  That's what you want.

• 5:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and then at the end, after I beat off, they like to show me like steak videos. It kind of just takes, honestly, what's gonna happen is they'll take your feed. Yeah, my feed is all like chicks with huge tits, people grilling steak.

• 5:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:32Stavros Halkias?

  And then like clips from Dragon Ball Z.

• 5:36Stavros Halkias?

  I've gotten into a Dragon Ball Z. I'm, I'm kind of reconnecting with my youth right now. I don't know.

• 5:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:44Stavros Halkias?

  And so I've gone back to comforting things, so that's.

• 5:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, no problem.

• 5:48Stavros Halkias?

  Huge tits, grilled meats, and, you know, cartoons. What was it, did you have a, did you, I, I remember there was an episode where you had a bunch of Matrix action figures.

• 6:00Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 6:00Stavros Halkias?

  But what was your like obsession as a, as like a teen or like young kid or whatever? Were you a DBZ guy?

• 6:06Speaker 03

  I was a DBZ guy, yeah.

• 6:07Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 6:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, I liked, I liked DBZ a lot.

• 6:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I think that's actually culturally what, there is no greater bond for millennial men than Dragon Ball Z across all creeds, religions, and cultures.

• 6:19Speaker 03

  I mean, how, that's how.

• 6:20Stavros Halkias?

  I was just chomping at the bit to chime in.

• 6:22Speaker 04

  Well, I was just gonna say, I don't even like anime and shit.

• 6:24Stavros Halkias?

  Me neither.

• 6:25Speaker 04

  Even I fucked with DBZ.

• 6:26Stavros Halkias?

  Everyone did, and like, and black guys did too, and not just anime black guys, like, cool black guys like DBZ. Mexicans love, you'll go to Mexico City and see the mural of Goku, like, like hanging out with fucking Jesus. Like Goku will be doing a bicycle kick, and like Mother Teresa will be fucking getting scored on in Mexico, you know what I mean? Like, there is something, and I would love to know other cultures, because I bet you there's random nations that love Goku that we don't even fucking know about. The History of Goku, that's your next fucking movie.

• 6:56Speaker 03

  Okay, yeah.

• 6:58Speaker 03

  I don't know, I don't want to go to Comic-Con already.

• 7:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's true. What if you did a non-comic, actually Goku in his non-anime zones is a kind of a, I'm not telling you to do it, you had your own fucking idea.

• 7:11Speaker 03

  Non-anime zones, like go.

• 7:13Stavros Halkias?

  Like Mexico City, like, you know.

• 7:15Speaker 03

  You, yeah, just throw, any ideas you got, just throw at me.

• 7:18Stavros Halkias?

  Let's pitch, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we should say, the movie John is actually gonna promote is The History of Concrete, which is really fucking good. I was, they sent me, I got sent a screener, and I watched, I watched it so fucking high, I was like, damn, this is awesome. And the next day, I was like, let me formulate some opinions and questions, and I was like, wait, I don't fucking remember a single thing that happened. And then I went and watched it in theaters that day, because I was like, fuck yeah, dude, I know I like this, and I also want to experience it. I even tried watching it twice high, no. For real, I watched it, I've watched your movie three times.

• 7:57Speaker 03

  I mean, that's the way to do it.

• 7:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and actually, I think there's something to that.

• 8:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think, yeah, you just kind of just let it, yeah, I don't know. I think it's cool to see it in the IFC, though. It feels more transgressive. I feel like it shouldn't be there.

• 8:10Stavros Halkias?

  I know what you mean, yeah, yeah. It's, it's fun, because it's a comedy, because the laughs are interesting, because you have an understated style that is fucking hilarious, and a lot of it is, a lot of, a lot of the humor for me is like, you're caught off guard by how quickly you fucking, you basically, speaking of Goku, you basically instant transmission into different worlds.

• 8:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:32Stavros Halkias?

  And like, in one moment, you're at a grocery store, the next moment, you know, a guy's got, maybe one of my favorite things in the world is when that guy's got his cock on his headboard, and we just see, we just see some guy's kind of big cock, get, get his foreskin stretched, and he's just a mild-mannered dad.

• 8:49Speaker 03

  He had a beautiful member, yeah. Has, has.

• 8:52Stavros Halkias?

  Has, has, you still with us?

• 8:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, but he's, but he stopped making the foreskin restoration device.

• 8:56Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 8:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, like he, I thought that the episode would kind of help boost his sales.

• 9:02Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely, the TC Tugger.

• 9:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:04Stavros Halkias?

  It's over, the TC Tugger's done?

• 9:07Speaker 03

  It's, yeah, he stopped production, and I think he laid off his, one or two employees, and then,

• 9:14Stavros Halkias?

  Do you think?

• 9:14Speaker 03

  Now he's busking, last I heard, he was busking around England doing his foreskin restoration songs. On the street.

• 9:24Stavros Halkias?

  Didn't he have a wife and children?

• 9:26Speaker 03

  He does, yeah, but they're, I don't know.

• 9:27Stavros Halkias?

  I get there out of the house.

• 9:28Speaker 03

  He's living his best life, I think.

• 9:30Stavros Halkias?

  Empty nester.

• 9:31Speaker 03

  I don't know, I still have my TLC Tugger, but I.

• 9:34Stavros Halkias?

  You're clipped, I assume?

• 9:36Speaker 03

  I, yeah, I'm, yeah, I'm clipped.

• 9:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you ever try the Tugger out?

• 9:41Speaker 03

  The Tugger was tough because I didn't, like, I would have needed to, it's not fit to me.

• 9:48Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 9:49Speaker 03

  You have to have it kind of, you need, he needs to take like kind of measurements of your.

• 9:52Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, he needs to, the guy.

• 9:54Speaker 03

  Well, you send him in, I don't know, I never did the, he sent me, he gave me a stock.

• 9:58Stavros Halkias?

  Gotcha, gotcha.

• 9:59Speaker 03

  Tugger, so I haven't like, I, I haven't, like, I, I assume it doesn't fit.

• 10:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, right, right, right.

• 10:05Speaker 03

  Because my penis is either big or too small.

• 10:08Stavros Halkias?

  You'll never know, folks. That's this guy, that's, that's why this guy's a great artist. He just said it won't fit. It's up to the eye of the beholder to know why.

• 10:16Speaker 03

  He's got, yeah, but you know, there's a lot of, you know, Dragon Ball kind of in the work, you know, a lot of powering up.

• 10:23Stavros Halkias?

  There is a lot of powering up, yeah.

• 10:26Speaker 03

  You know, that's kind of what concrete, you know, that's in there too. I don't know.

• 10:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, well, I was, I was just saying, like, watching, yes, it was awesome to see, and if you're in New York, you should go see it at IFC. If, if they're playing it somewhere, because it is cool to see, I mean, also just like the, you're around people that would go see the movie. People you agree, some, there's like a weird sense of community when you see something in a place different than normal.

• 10:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:53Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, people like your show, you know, for years, it was, the show you had was How To with John Wilson, great. If you haven't seen it, fucking watch that. I don't know, you probably don't make any fucking money anymore off that, do you?

• 11:03Speaker 03

  I don't know, not really.

• 11:04Stavros Halkias?

  Do you get a little dime when they go to HBO Max or nothing?

• 11:06Speaker 03

  The WGA sends me some checks sometimes, but it's not really that much anymore.

• 11:11Stavros Halkias?

  That sucks, dude. Yeah, so actually fuck watching How To.

• 11:15Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 11:15Stavros Halkias?

  Just watch history of, no, no, you should watch it because it's good.

• 11:17Speaker 03

  None of it makes any sense to me. I don't like, it's just like, everything is, I don't know, whatever.

• 11:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you kind of just have to make shit and hope somehow it leads to money.

• 11:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:28Stavros Halkias?

  Again, I don't know how this happened, that this is the only, this is the only industry that makes money in entertainment. I don't know how podcasting, the worst one, truly the least artful form of art there ever was. Like, what if radio was shittier is the question?

• 11:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:44Stavros Halkias?

  How did we become the only thing when it's like, yeah, your shit is, you'll follow, and another thing I love is you'll just randomly just.

• 11:53Stavros Halkias?

  I love the, just needle, like, not needling, but like, just kind of seeing how far people will take it politely, though. You're never at anybody's face, but you'll, you'll randomly ask someone to go on a road trip with them, for example.

• 12:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:06Stavros Halkias?

  Or you'll ask someone, or you'll fly to Rome.

• 12:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:09Stavros Halkias?

  Because you heard the Roman Empire had self-healing concrete, which was one of my favorite parts of the documentary.

• 12:16Speaker 03

  I know, I would, yeah, it was nice to have the, the different languages in this, in this picture.

• 12:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:22Speaker 03

  You know, trying to communicate with like Italian cops is like, really great for comedy.

• 12:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes, yes, they were awesome. They were, those guys were great, and then you try, and they did have self-healing concrete, which is fucking fascinating.

• 12:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:38Stavros Halkias?

  It was like the lyre or some shit, it was like rainwater.

• 12:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, like volcanic ash and like the limestone, I don't know, some, some.

• 12:45Stavros Halkias?

  Every time it rained.

• 12:46Speaker 03

  Strange mixture, it would, it would self-heal if there was a crack. Again, this is like how the pitches went, which is why.

• 12:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 12:52Speaker 03

  Like, that's why we didn't like have any money for a while.

• 12:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:57Speaker 03

  Um, you know, you're just like giving people like real, like, kind of reference textbook facts about.

• 13:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:04Speaker 03

  Cement and concrete and ecological, uh, kind of horror stories about it.

• 13:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 13:11Speaker 03

  But, and then by the end of it, like, they're, um, they're just so bored.

• 13:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, it's a weird pitch.

• 13:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, because then it's hard to be, to say all that stuff and then say like, but something fun, then, but something funny is gonna happen.

• 13:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, which it shouldn't be, by the way, because like, of course, like, it's the set, like, you're, you're like, this is the setup. All, concrete is the setup, and you find a series of punchlines throughout it. You find the humanity, you find the like, that's the whole thing. And if these fucking dumbasses had seen one episode of your show, they would, they should understand what you were going for.

• 13:51Speaker 03

  No, it doesn't, if, if I had to like pitch any other titles, any other like episodes from the show, the same way that Concrete, it would have been just as hard.

• 13:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 13:59Speaker 03

  Where it's like, you, it's, I'm like, I don't know what's gonna happen, you know, but this will take roughly a year or two.

• 14:08Speaker 03

  You know, and I'm just gonna, you know, follow whatever is funny, I don't know.

• 14:16Stavros Halkias?

  How many, it was a couple of years? How long did it take you?

• 14:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like two, two and a half years.

• 14:19Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, damn. It's good, it's fucking awesome, it's hilarious.

• 14:22Speaker 03

  Amen. Oh, yeah, sure.

• 14:25Stavros Halkias?

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• 15:03Stavros Halkias?

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• 15:45Stavros Halkias?

  And, you're not gonna believe this, superfoods. It's backed by four separate gold standard clinical trials and specifically formulated to support immune defense, so you can stay ahead of the season. I'm loving AG1, you know, I'm back in, I'm back at it with the health. Stavi Gets Ripped is coming back. AG1 is now, now they're a nice building block to me. Keep checking back, folks, let's see how it's going. I'm feeling more energetic, I'm ready to go. And I will say, other little vitamin, I've tried a lot of stuff, the taste of AG1 is pretty delectable while you're getting healthy. Go to drinkag1.com/stavi and for a limited time, get a free immune support bundle, including a bottle of omega-3 fish oil

• 16:29Stavros Halkias?

  and a bottle of vitamin D3K2 with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/stavi. And we, I do want to go back though, I do want to close the loop on, you were a DBZ guy, what other stuff were you into as a child? What, what, what was the, what was the type of shit you were playing with?

• 16:52Speaker 03

  Playing with?

• 16:53Stavros Halkias?

  Or that like, you know, piqued your interest as a young, as a young boy?

• 16:57Speaker 03

  I think I was, uh, I don't know, I was always a movie kid.

• 17:01Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 17:02Speaker 03

  I always had like movies around, I don't know, I.

• 17:07Stavros Halkias?

  VHS kid or like a?

• 17:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, VHS kid, yeah, I would edit VHS tapes together.

• 17:14Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow, holy fuck.

• 17:15Speaker 03

  Um, and just like make weird stuff.

• 17:18Stavros Halkias?

  Like in camera you would do edits or what?

• 17:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, really, I don't know, it was, it was fun, but, I don't know, I was in like musicals as a kid too.

• 17:26Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, hell, yeah.

• 17:29Stavros Halkias?

  So you had flair.

• 17:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was in Damn Yankees, and yeah, I played like the baseball, like, hunk.

• 17:36Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah.

• 17:38Speaker 03

  You know, and, what's, it's not funny.

• 17:42Stavros Halkias?

  It's not funny, it makes sense, Eldon.

• 17:43Speaker 03

  It makes sense.

• 17:44Stavros Halkias?

  Shut the fuck up back there. We're trying to do an interview that people are interested in, you're guffawing.

• 17:49Speaker 04

  Sorry, sorry, I was thinking of something else. I know, I know John is Captain Horny.

• 17:55Stavros Halkias?

  How dare you besmirch Captain Horny's ability to read as a heartthrob in middle school?

• 18:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, on the day of my podcast appearance.

• 18:05Stavros Halkias?

  Not disrespect Captain Horny when he's got the hat on, Eldis. For fuck's sake. Yeah, give yourself a boo, you piece of shit.

• 18:14Stavros Halkias?

  Did you see yourself with the hunk at that point in your life?

• 18:16Speaker 03

  No, I was like, I was like a, I was a, you know, my hair was dyed black, you know, I had like black fingernails.

• 18:24Stavros Halkias?

  Make off?

• 18:25Speaker 03

  I was like kind of emo. It was like Long Island emo, you know?

• 18:28Stavros Halkias?

  Long Island emo.

• 18:29Speaker 03

  Like that. I had a big phase like that, you know? And.

• 18:34Stavros Halkias?

  You ever with Duster?

• 18:35Speaker 03

  Duster, yeah.

• 18:36Stavros Halkias?

  You ever go full length?

• 18:36Speaker 03

  I, no, no, no.

• 18:38Stavros Halkias?

  No, post Columbine tough.

• 18:39Speaker 03

  No, no, not, no, yeah, not Columbine chic.

• 18:44Speaker 03

  More just like, I don't know, type, like, tight clothing.

• 18:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes. Some stripes, maybe?

• 18:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, that was like a period of like, where I kind of was just was with emo kids for a second and then. But, you know, I still have a great fondness for that. I didn't realize, I thought that everyone in the world was emo at that time. I didn't realize that it was like, like a Long Island specific, like thing in certain ways.

• 19:06Stavros Halkias?

  Well, you had two options at on Long Island at that period. It was emo or it was pretend to be black, basically. It would be like, it was a word that we're not saying anymore, but everybody knows what it.

• 19:17Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 19:18Stavros Halkias?

  Starts with a W and it rhymes with a horrific slur.

• 19:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, that word, that word was bandied about a lot.

• 19:24Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, but that was basically like, if, growing up on Long Island was like, was like a fucking Final Fantasy or whatever, and you could do the like, the, the like, tree, the chart, the skill tree or whatever the fuck.

• 19:36Speaker 03

  Uh huh.

• 19:36Stavros Halkias?

  You had to decide whether you were gonna go emo or you were gonna be, a friend of the show Brendan Sagalow, for example, like a fat little Long Island kid that would, that dyed his hair blonde to be like Eminem.

• 19:47Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:47Stavros Halkias?

  You got to go Eminem or you got to go like, sort of, again, not Charles.

• 19:51Speaker 03

  Taking Back Sunday, yeah.

• 19:52Stavros Halkias?

  Taking Back Sunday, that's the one, that's the one. Yes, yes, yes.

• 19:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, that was, I, I didn't realize that so many of those bands were just from Long Island when I was like, listening to them and stuff.

• 20:02Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 20:02Speaker 03

  I don't know, I did not think I would be talking about this too.

• 20:07Stavros Halkias?

  Well, we need to fucking figure out what Captain Horny's on about.

• 20:11Stavros Halkias?

  No, this shit's fascinating though, because it's like, when you're, so when you're like an emo child, or is that when, when did the camera first start, come out? Because I will say, it's so pathetic to think about. I used to do a podcast on my little cassette. Like, my parents gave me like one of those cassettes with a microphone.

• 20:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:30Stavros Halkias?

  And my grandfather from Greece would send tapes of Greek music. And I remember my dad getting pissed at me, because I was like, I was taping over my grandfather, like, mixtapes. He was making, it was maybe one of the only forms of communication, you know, to, to generations of repressed emotional men.

• 20:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:50Stavros Halkias?

  My dad and grandfather never got to the bottom of how my dad moved into America. And I could tell that was the great, in hindsight, that was the great, like, regret of my father's life that he'll never admit. And now he's just, by the way, repeating the same mistakes, whatever, whatever, it's, it's fine.

• 21:07Speaker 03

  Uh huh.

• 21:08Stavros Halkias?

  But, as a fucking fat seven-year-old, I would hear like, ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding. And I'd be like, oh, folks, we have some more shitty music to cover over. And I would just be like, and I'd just be like, so today I was, and I was just, I was literally podcasting pathetically, in my, in the little like, computer room. Eldis, remember the little room, uh, off, off my living room? Me and Eldis have known each other since we were four years old.

• 21:31Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 21:32Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, in, in, before I jacked off in there, I used to do podcasts at like seven hilariously. And I would just talk by myself, and if I heard a good song, I'd be like, hey, this one's not bad. But anyway, so what I'm saying is, I do feel like very early on, there's just signs that you're gonna be who you are. Were you bringing the, the mini DV out when you're?

• 21:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, I was shooting on like, Hi8, and, I don't know, there was like, you know, there was the, there was the music, you know, music phase, but the, you know, it was like blended with the movie phase, I think, to begin with. But, it was, there were never emo films.

• 22:07Stavros Halkias?

  Never emo films?

• 22:08Speaker 03

  No, they were like, they were kind of like movie spoofs for a while.

• 22:11Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, sick.

• 22:12Speaker 03

  Just like, you know, uh, but they all had my name in it, you know, like, John Ward.

• 22:17Stavros Halkias?

  Branding.

• 22:18Speaker 03

  Like.

• 22:19Stavros Halkias?

  Smart.

• 22:19Speaker 03

  John Work Orange.

• 22:21Stavros Halkias?

  John Work Orange is awesome.

• 22:25Stavros Halkias?

  Because you're thinking at the time as well, I'm a, these are brands and I'm a brand.

• 22:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:30Stavros Halkias?

  Time to, time to, John, John X Clockwork Orange. This is what the people have been, this is the collab that people have been waiting for.

• 22:38Speaker 03

  We did a lot of Kubrick, like, like Full Metal John was another.

• 22:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, Full Metal John is awesome.

• 22:45Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck dude, I want the Criterion, the John collection.

• 22:50Speaker 03

  It's out there.

• 22:50Stavros Halkias?

  I want to be on a turtleneck talking about how groundbreaking.

• 22:53Speaker 03

  It's on all the, all the tapes I gave, like, I, I, in like, around college or something, I went over and I watched all the tapes at a friend, a neighborhood friend's house that we would make the movies with, and I left them all there. And I don't know where they are now.

• 23:07Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck.

• 23:07Speaker 03

  So, it's like, which, you know, if there's any gumshoes out there.

• 23:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, get out there.

• 23:12Speaker 03

  They're out there, but I hope you don't find them at the same time.

• 23:16Stavros Halkias?

  I do. Eldis, hire, hire a gumshoe to get this, go to Long Island, start harassing everyone that ever bought a Taking Back Sunday album.

• 23:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:24Stavros Halkias?

  That ought to narrow it down.

• 23:26Speaker 03

  Long Island Medium, or Long Island, what is it, that show? Long Island Psychic?

• 23:30Stavros Halkias?

  I believe it's Long Island Medium.

• 23:31Speaker 03

  Long Island Medium.

• 23:32Stavros Halkias?

  Didn't somebody used to have a joke about getting, jerking off of the Long Island Medium's son in a parking lot? I think they did, I think I can use some, fuck.

• 23:41Speaker 03

  That's a joke?

• 23:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it was a joke, it was a great joke. It was a big, I think she started mentioning, she hangs the Long Island Medium out there, and you think it's just color.

• 23:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:51Stavros Halkias?

  And then it all comes back around and it actually turns out she jacked off his son in a car.

• 23:55Speaker 03

  Wow. You heard it here.

• 23:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, one of my friends maybe had a joke about it. It feels like from the open mic days, that feels like, uh, like, like, I feel like I heard that at Creek in the Cave back in the day.

• 24:10Speaker 03

  If it wasn't true, you manifested, I think.

• 24:12Stavros Halkias?

  True, yeah, yeah. Well, someone's son jerked off the Long Island Medium.

• 24:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:16Stavros Halkias?

  Or someone's daughter.

• 24:19Stavros Halkias?

  And maybe someone's son jerked off the Long Island Medium's son too. I don't fucking know what he was up to.

• 24:24Speaker 03

  I love finding those tapes. I've been going to a lot of estate sales and looking for tapes of like, things that, like, it'll say like wedding or something on the side. But then, like, a couple of times, it has been classically like, recorded with like, uh, pornography or like some other weird shit.

• 24:39Stavros Halkias?

  I love that. I mean, classic, my, me and my brothers found my father's pornography, and it said Barney, and it was, it was literally, and it starts as Barney, so that at its one point it had Barney on it. And I guess my dad was like, alright, my fucking bitch ass sons of outgrown Barney, time to jack off. And literally, it was a, we've talked about it before, it was, speaking of spoofs, it was a Fast Times at Ridgemont High spoof. It was called like, Fast Times at Ridgely High or?

• 25:09Speaker 03

  And that was the erotic film?

• 25:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he taped over it, so I guess he bootlegged Fast Times at Ridgely High over a Barney post. What was it called, Eldis? Did you find it?

• 25:20Speaker 03

  You've, you're looking for it?

• 25:22Stavros Halkias?

  I promise you I could find the title in one second if I tried.

• 25:24Speaker 03

  It would have been so much cooler if it was like a Barney, like, like Purple Man.

• 25:28Stavros Halkias?

  He takes the shit off?

• 25:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:30Stavros Halkias?

  The guy takes the shit off? He cuts a hole in his cock, he just brings his cock through an off-brand purple dinosaur thing?

• 25:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:38Stavros Halkias?

  Um, interesting, so you found, and was it amateur pornography or?

• 25:44Speaker 03

  No, it was like, it was produced stuff, but, I don't know. I'm always just looking for like, if there's ever like a tape in a camcorder at like a thrift store. It's like, there's always something like, that's never been digitized on there.

• 25:57Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 25:57Speaker 03

  Which is like, I don't know, I don't know what I do with this stuff. I usually just like, just throw them out or like sell it at a yard sale or something, after I like.

• 26:05Stavros Halkias?

  After you digitize it?

• 26:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, I looked through it. Some, some of it's not worth digitizing and not worth like, you don't, like, some of it you just like, don't want to have.

• 26:12Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 26:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:14Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, so you have an incinerator in the office? I see what you're saying.

• 26:18Speaker 03

  I don't know. You, you roll the dice.

• 26:20Stavros Halkias?

  You buy everything cash?

• 26:23Stavros Halkias?

  You want no paper trail on some of these, some of these random Long Island videotapes from the 90s?

• 26:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, you know, I don't know, it's, it's crazy what people, you know, people don't have nuance about like, the kind of stuff with art making and, it's like, you know, I think about the Pee-wee Herman doc a lot, you know, not to go full Pee-wee here, but he, you know, he.

• 26:44Stavros Halkias?

  Please go full Pee-wee. He pull, he pull, pull his dick out, start jacking off. Ah, he just nodded!

• 26:50Speaker 03

  He like, he had all this like vintage erotica like in his place, you know? But they, when the cops found it, they like, tried to make it seem like, that was like.

• 27:02Stavros Halkias?

  Depraved?

• 27:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, depraved or something like that. But it was like, you know.

• 27:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, is that surprising?

• 27:08Speaker 03

  I don't know, but, but it's also like, these are like, kind of beautiful, like, paper objects at the same time, you know? And it's like, as a collector or just like, as just like an artist who's doing weird shit like that, you do have a bunch of weird shit. I don't know. I'm not, it sounds like I'm trying to dig myself, dig myself out of a hole.

• 27:26Stavros Halkias?

  I was in art, I was looking at that stuff artistically.

• 27:30Speaker 03

  I'm more so just like.

• 27:33Stavros Halkias?

  I know exactly what you mean.

• 27:34Speaker 03

  I'm into people, I, I, I wish people were more open about the weird shit that they maybe had in their house.

• 27:39Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 27:39Speaker 03

  I don't know. Not that everyone's constantly denying it, but I, I, I think it's like.

• 27:44Stavros Halkias?

  I know what you mean though. And I think that's a lot of what your work is, truly, is like, you know, not to tell you what your own shit is, but what I love about it is that, yes, you start with something that's like, how, the history of concrete, or how to fucking make restaurant, uh, or how to split the bill or whatever the fuck, right? Uh, and it's like, oh, what is this bullshit? You know what I mean? Like, what is this some fucking like, you know, uh, it almost feels like the trappings of. The, the like, uh, you know, school sex ads or like, you know what I mean? Like, like these old, almost like newsreel footage of how to brush your pussy, you know, how to wash your teeth or whatever.

• 28:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:21Stavros Halkias?

  Brush your teeth, not, you know, whatever. How to like have hygiene or whatever. And immediately, you know, your POV is interesting. It's like, whoa, is this just some fucking guy holding the camera? And then you take these, what seems like banal questions, you're like, and then you just dive into these worlds and, and peel apart how even the most bullshit question, the most simple bullshit question, there are so many layers of humanity underneath and so much weird. Everything is so interconnected and that's, there's so much, I, that's one of the things I love about all your stuff. And so it makes so much sense to me that you're like, what is this seemingly normal object? And what does it tell us about the people that owned it? Or like, you know?

• 29:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:05Stavros Halkias?

  And, and particularly video, I know, like, that is fascinating because people in the eighties and nineties, they thought no one would ever see their fucking home.

• 29:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know.

• 29:14Stavros Halkias?

  You could really go buck wild back then. There was no.

• 29:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:17Stavros Halkias?

  There's no getting hacked. No one had to worry about the shit on their phone. And I bet you there was some really good, uh, amateur pornography that we'll never see, that we'll, that we'll never see, that people were going. Cause even now, if you're getting, if you're taking a video of yourself getting your dick hypothetically, in the back of your.

• 29:35Speaker 03

  On your phone?

• 29:35Stavros Halkias?

  On your phone, you're scared that someone will hack into your phone and see your little ass dick hypothetically.

• 29:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, that's why you just don't, yeah, I don't do stuff like, I don't, I don't have anything like that on my phone.

• 29:47Stavros Halkias?

  I believe you.

• 29:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:50Stavros Halkias?

  I think, I, I think you'd make a million dollars if you took some kind of like unhackable.

• 29:54Speaker 03

  But if someone hacked your.

• 29:55Stavros Halkias?

  Pornography camera.

• 29:56Speaker 03

  Okay. If you.

• 29:59Stavros Halkias?

  I think that's a great idea.

• 30:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:01Stavros Halkias?

  The unhackable pornography camera immediately gets hacked.

• 30:05Speaker 03

  I know, yeah, like Hello Sharks.

• 30:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 30:11Stavros Halkias?

  Mark Cuban, have you ever worried that people will see your penis and say it's not that big, even though you're getting it sucked by an objectively pretty hot girl?

• 30:20Speaker 03

  But if you're like, if, but my logic is like, even if you do have nasty stuff.

• 30:25Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 30:26Speaker 03

  And someone hacks it on your phone, it's like, that's bad on them.

• 30:30Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 30:31Speaker 03

  And it's like, if anyone is viewing this thing that was meant to be private, I don't know, depending on the severity of what the thing is.

• 30:37Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 30:38Speaker 03

  But like.

• 30:38Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 30:39Speaker 03

  It's kind of like, you know, and, you know, easier to say is like, I don't know, as a guy too, I don't, I don't really know.

• 30:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:46Speaker 03

  But it's like, it's.

• 30:47Stavros Halkias?

  Revenge porn, we don't have to worry about.

• 30:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's like a shame, that's like an extremely shameful act, kind of behavior, you know? So it's like, but I think about that, like, I, you know, I don't like to have, I don't know, like sometimes I keep my blinds, you know, down.

• 31:02Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 31:02Speaker 03

  Because I just like, I just don't like the thought of someone maybe like filming inside my apartment or something like that.

• 31:10Stavros Halkias?

  Some sick fuck like you lurking out.

• 31:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, but it's like, I don't know, but you know, if it, but if that were to happen, that's bad on them, you know? Depending on how it's like used or.

• 31:21Stavros Halkias?

  So do you see this, the like surreptitious footage you obtain as bad on you?

• 31:27Speaker 03

  Um, no, I feel like it's a, I like to be on the razor's edge of.

• 31:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 31:31Speaker 03

  Kind of what's okay and what's not. I think that's what makes it kind of exciting.

• 31:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:35Speaker 03

  And, um, I don't know, it's like, I, I feel like I told you this before, but you know, I used to work for a private investigator.

• 31:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 31:41Speaker 03

  For a little while.

• 31:42Stavros Halkias?

  I love that.

• 31:42Speaker 03

  And like.

• 31:43Stavros Halkias?

  One of my favorite details about you.

• 31:46Speaker 03

  And it was, I don't know, it trains your eye in a certain way. And, uh, I think there's something like more kind of, uh, kind of erotic about the banal, you know?

• 31:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:59Speaker 03

  Sometimes and like, like even, even just like a, a funny like gesture or something like that can be like so much more exciting.

• 32:07Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:07Speaker 03

  Than like a fucking car crash. I mean, no offense, if your movie is a car crash, yeah, yeah.

• 32:14Stavros Halkias?

  If your stand up special ends with a, uh, out of nowhere car crash, for example?

• 32:19Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. The car crash looked really good, yeah. You, you guys did a great special.

• 32:23Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you, thank you, appreciate it. Um, I do briefly, the private, how long did you do that? Cause that is, I, I have always been obsessed, I really love detective private eye shit. I love all that stuff, like, and I know the reality of it is so much, it's not a guy with a fucking trench coat, there's no like.

• 32:42Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no.

• 32:43Stavros Halkias?

  A dame with red lipstick.

• 32:44Speaker 03

  No, I mean, it's guys that look like, you know, I don't know.

• 32:47Stavros Halkias?

  Like what?

• 32:51Speaker 03

  No, it's just like a guy in, in a tinted minivan.

• 32:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yes.

• 32:55Speaker 03

  Like, it's, it's really the most unromantic thing. They just have a license, you know?

• 33:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:00Speaker 03

  And, and they just like go out, they'll stake out someone's house for hours, waiting for them to get out, like walk out of their wheelchair, you know?

• 33:08Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right.

• 33:09Speaker 03

  And a lot of it.

• 33:10Stavros Halkias?

  It's mostly insurance, right?

• 33:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, like workman, yeah, work compensation kind of stuff. Um, but you know, I would take, they would have broken cameras and stuff and I would always take them and kind of like tinker with them and, uh, like try to, you know, I would use them for myself.

• 33:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:23Speaker 03

  I also like started a blog where I would like take some of the footage.

• 33:27Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, sick.

• 33:28Speaker 03

  And like, kind of like make little like gifs out of it. Um, but, you know, it's just for like me and 10 friends or something.

• 33:35Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 33:35Speaker 03

  Because it's, you know, you can't really like, you can't do that.

• 33:38Stavros Halkias?

  No, you can't, on the clock.

• 33:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:41Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, in, in the middle of an ongoing investigation.

• 33:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:45Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, that is what always shocked me about a private eye. It's like, it's literally just a guy. It's a guy being annoying.

• 33:52Speaker 03

  It's a guy, yeah.

• 33:53Stavros Halkias?

  There's no other, it's a guy like being nosy and asking questions.

• 33:57Speaker 03

  It's not that hard too. It's like, there, there are certain databases that you could just access as a civilian also.

• 34:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 34:02Speaker 03

  It's like not really that hard to look up every known associate, every, you know.

• 34:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:07Speaker 03

  Like, uh, place you've ever worked, lived, you know, it's, uh, it's not that hard.

• 34:12Stavros Halkias?

  Did you do any investigating for your own, like, did you do, was there ever like anyone you wanted to take down, dig up dirt on?

• 34:19Speaker 03

  Oh, interesting.

• 34:20Stavros Halkias?

  Do you have any enemies?

• 34:21Speaker 03

  I'm really, uh, enemy focused.

• 34:27Speaker 03

  In the work. I don't know, I, I think like.

• 34:30Stavros Halkias?

  Even for fun, was there a guy you didn't like, you're like, I bet this guy did something fucked up?

• 34:34Speaker 03

  Um.

• 34:35Stavros Halkias?

  Or do you know, do you, do you take no joy from that type of thing?

• 34:38Speaker 03

  I don't know. I feel like I, you know, I never, I try, when, when, when I start to get into expose territory, I begin to be like, what's going on here?

• 34:47Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 34:48Speaker 03

  Like, if I'm really digging up dirt, it's like the person's gotta be, I think, pretty evil or something.

• 34:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I just meant for yourself, not even for work. Like, if, have you ever, cause I have a, I do have a friend.

• 35:00Speaker 03

  No, not really.

• 35:00Stavros Halkias?

  Anytime somebody crosses him or, or us or anybody, he, he knows some of these databases and we found some hilarious stuff out about people.

• 35:09Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 35:09Stavros Halkias?

  But that's just for us, just to laugh, we would never expose them. We all did a really funny thing where we, there was a different time where you can just, there was, we had a different enemy and you can, and he had like some, you know, I don't remember what it was, like drunk driving or maybe, maybe this guy pulled his dick, like a different, like, uh, sexual, like, you know, I think he pulled his dick out or something like a peep, like not peeping Tom shit, but like, you know, exposed himself to somebody.

• 35:38Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 35:39Stavros Halkias?

  And you can request the MP3s of the cord recording.

• 35:45Speaker 03

  Oh, really?

• 35:46Stavros Halkias?

  But on the docket, it'll say someone requested these files.

• 35:51Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 35:52Stavros Halkias?

  A sort of light devious thing to do is never, never, never like use the, the information for evil, but just, it's possible that they got a call from their lawyer like, hey, just so you know, someone asked for the transcript and the, and the MP3 of this and that'll, if somebody wronged you, look up their old cases and look up information.

• 36:15Speaker 03

  Oh, wow.

• 36:15Stavros Halkias?

  I bet it will at least make them think like, fuck, who's looking into this?

• 36:19Speaker 03

  Oh, wow. Yeah.

• 36:21Stavros Halkias?

  I love, I, I do have, revenge is something I like and you know.

• 36:24Speaker 03

  I mean, yeah.

• 36:26Stavros Halkias?

  It's something I take great personal joy from and, and you know.

• 36:32Speaker 03

  I feel that.

• 36:32Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know.

• 36:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, I feel like I've done that. I mean, I could, I've, I've made a couple of kind of like revenge or kind of spite films.

• 36:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 36:39Speaker 03

  I think, just like when someone wasn't paying me like for, for like a gig or something.

• 36:43Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 36:43Speaker 03

  Like, yeah, I made this. Like I, yeah, this guy owed me like a thousand dollars at one point and I just like, I, he was not responding to me and I did something really juvenile, you know? I mean, this was like a while ago.

• 36:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 36:56Speaker 03

  But I was just like, I called, I looked up his LinkedIn, I called every single place he used to work. And talked to the boss and said, this guy owes me money and they're just like, this is not the place.

• 37:10Stavros Halkias?

  What a funny, imagine being that boss and be like, okay.

• 37:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:14Stavros Halkias?

  The fuck do I care, some coder that worked for me nine months ago owes some dickhead, I don't know, a thousand dollars?

• 37:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was on like a, kind of a reputation, like, kind of spree.

• 37:26Stavros Halkias?

  Just in case he needed to go back.

• 37:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:28Stavros Halkias?

  Go back to his old employers.

• 37:30Speaker 04

  They'll think twice next time they offer a reference.

• 37:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, man. I don't know, I just, you know, I, I think it's, it's not right.

• 37:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I agree. And fuck that guy, by the way.

• 37:40Speaker 03

  Fuck that guy.

• 37:40Stavros Halkias?

  That's what I say as well, he's a fucking piece of shit.

• 37:45Stavros Halkias?

  You grew up on Long Island, you were born in Queens, right?

• 37:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:49Stavros Halkias?

  And then you're, and now you're a Queens boy.

• 37:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm back, yeah, I, I think I've spent more time in Queens at this point than Long Island, but yeah, I grew up, I went to school in like all school in Long Island.

• 38:01Stavros Halkias?

  Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

• 38:02Speaker 03

  But, yeah, I don't know, I always just wanted to be back in the city.

• 38:06Stavros Halkias?

  I get that.

• 38:07Speaker 03

  Just because like, I think Long Island's a cool place to grow up and I feel like I'm, like, I'm appreciating it more now that like I am an adult and I have a car and I can just like see different parts of it and there's just like, it's not, I don't know, there, there, there's, it's, it's, there's a lot of interesting stuff there.

• 38:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I, I, I don't think I'd ever, I'd gone to do a movie, there was a gig at a movie theater that was pretty good that I did a couple of years ago and a buddy just got married there, so I drove out all the way to the end of it and it was fucking nice.

• 38:37Speaker 03

  Where, where, out east?

• 38:39Stavros Halkias?

  It was, it was like, it was, it was all the way Montauk.

• 38:41Speaker 03

  Oh, cool.

• 38:42Stavros Halkias?

  It was like the end of that.

• 38:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 38:43Stavros Halkias?

  And I'd never been out there, I mean, the weather sucked dick, it was northeast or whatever, but it was, I was like, wait, why the fuck haven't I ever gone to Long Island or like, or like gone thrifting or some shit or like gone to the beach or some, like, it is funny that.

• 38:57Speaker 03

  A couple of wrecks, I don't know.

• 38:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're right.

• 38:59Speaker 03

  It's like, I, cause yeah, it is like hard to find the diamonds, I think, sometimes when you don't know. There's a great burger spot I think you'd like.

• 39:07Stavros Halkias?

  Alright.

• 39:08Speaker 03

  Uh, All American Burger.

• 39:09Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah.

• 39:10Speaker 03

  It's the best, it's got like nineties prices, you know?

• 39:14Stavros Halkias?

  Great name, too.

• 39:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's delicious, got robbed recently, someone was fucking texting me.

• 39:21Speaker 03

  This better be good.

• 39:22Stavros Halkias?

  It's the first mate on the SS Horny.

• 39:24Speaker 03

  Shut up.

• 39:24Stavros Halkias?

  Captain Horny, there's a lot of pussy here, we need someone to fuck it.

• 39:30Speaker 03

  Turning off my phone.

• 39:30Stavros Halkias?

  No, it's all good, I don't give a fuck at all.

• 39:33Speaker 03

  I just, I hate, I hate like getting text messages.

• 39:35Stavros Halkias?

  I know what you mean. And, and if you have a group chat too, cause sometimes it's like, wait, is an emergency happening or like, did one of my friends just have a fucking meatball sub and wants to tell me, tell me and eight other fat guys about it? And you'd never know if it's like an emergency is happening or the dumbest thing of all time, or someone wants to say, you know, that someone wants to give their resident evil opinion, you know what I mean? You just don't know which one if you're getting blown up via text.

• 40:01Speaker 03

  I don't know, do you find, I don't know, yeah, I, I like to have a certain kind of like peace, I think, when I'm like not actively, I don't know. Like when I'm like shooting something or doing some, I don't know, I, I just like, when I'm getting like a bunch of text messages, I'm just like, it, it really takes me out of like whatever is, I mean, this is not new, but it's like.

• 40:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 40:19Speaker 03

  It really does like distract me and I'm just like, not that people can't text me, you can text me.

• 40:26Stavros Halkias?

  Sounds like you're fucking going on record, don't, don't text, if you have my number, don't fucking text me.

• 40:31Speaker 03

  If I'm on stoppage, don't text me.

• 40:33Stavros Halkias?

  Don't text. When the, when, when the captain's here, man, when the SS is docked downstairs and he's about to get off and his ship is full of girls with huge tits down there, do not text him.

• 40:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:44Stavros Halkias?

  Do not text him. I mean, I feel like, when you're, when you're in the middle, like, cause I feel like all the texts and shit, cause I'm with you, I feel like I've just existed in a state of con perpetu, I just gave over to perpetually being unfocused.

• 41:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:00Stavros Halkias?

  Like everything I've, like, I've had a really, I've done a lot of shit the last, this year, and I don't think I was locked in for one moment. In fact, for months, I was really addicted to edibles, like I was doing, I was, I was acting so high sometimes, cause it's like, cause a lot of times you have to talk, that's the secret with acting, you're like, oh, this is a visual medium, I just have to be in the background and making a fat face, I should be like, you know what I mean, I have to do that five times, so, there were, and look, I wasn't planning to be fucked up, I just hadn't figured out edibles.

• 41:32Speaker 03

  You know, you smile, you frown.

• 41:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you smile, you frown, there's like, there's like, and it's not, listen, it's easy for me, cause I, let me also be very clear, I respect the good actors, the stuff I do is like so easy, it's like bully somebody, it's like, you know, be horny, you know, whatever.

• 41:49Speaker 03

  Okay, well, you were in some, so what were you in, what was the most recent thing you were in?

• 41:52Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, Tony, the movie.

• 41:53Speaker 03

  Tony, oh, it's great, yeah, you did a great job.

• 41:54Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you, but that was super fun, cause it was just, you know.

• 41:58Speaker 03

  I like that movie, it's a very nor, yeah, a nice, normal movie.

• 42:01Stavros Halkias?

  Normal movie, Matt needed to make a normal movie.

• 42:04Speaker 03

  Normal.

• 42:04Stavros Halkias?

  No one's killing themselves in this one, there's no, there's no, you know, there's no time travel or school shooting, um.

• 42:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, watch that, I just watched that Billie Eilish, uh, tour document, uh.

• 42:16Stavros Halkias?

  Was it good?

• 42:16Speaker 03

  Documentary too, James Cameron directed it.

• 42:18Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, fuck.

• 42:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:20Stavros Halkias?

  That's so funny, I forgot he, is, so it must be good, she's doing it all underwater?

• 42:23Speaker 03

  It's pretty, it's, yeah, she's in a hyperbaric.

• 42:26Stavros Halkias?

  Is he, does he like Billie Eilish's songs?

• 42:29Speaker 03

  I, it's, it seems like, it's, it's just like, you look at his filmography right now and it's just like, uh, Terminator, Abyss, like Avatar, Billie Eilish.

• 42:39Stavros Halkias?

  Aliens, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:40Speaker 03

  And it's just like, but I think he's kind of doing some how to stuff in there.

• 42:44Stavros Halkias?

  In the Billie Eilish that you think, you think fucking Jim, Big Jim ripped your shit off?

• 42:48Speaker 03

  Well, he's like holding the camera and talking to Billie from behind the camera in this way that, uh, I've never seen him do before.

• 42:54Stavros Halkias?

  Should we go fuck his ass up?

• 42:55Speaker 03

  I'm just saying, James.

• 42:57Stavros Halkias?

  Don't text Captain Horny and he's coming for you.

• 42:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, James Cameron, I, um, am angry that you, uh, made all the movie theaters convert to digital for Avatar, the first one.

• 43:09Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh, yes.

• 43:10Speaker 03

  So.

• 43:10Stavros Halkias?

  Let this motherfucker know.

• 43:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think that.

• 43:13Stavros Halkias?

  Is that him, is that why film's out?

• 43:15Speaker 03

  I think that it was a big reason, like around 2009, that's why a lot of 35 systems went out.

• 43:20Stavros Halkias?

  Get the fuck out of here.

• 43:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:22Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck, Jim, you motherfucker.

• 43:23Speaker 03

  Jim, if you took them out, you are responsible for bringing them back.

• 43:27Stavros Halkias?

  Put them back in.

• 43:28Speaker 03

  Put them back.

• 43:28Stavros Halkias?

  Make a movie on film, you fuck, enough with the CGI bullshit.

• 43:32Speaker 03

  Make a movie on film, you coward.

• 43:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, how about, how about this, get a lady, paint her tits blue, you know what I mean, is that so hard, Jim? Can we?

• 43:43Stavros Halkias?

  Can we get tall guys, paint them blue, instead of this, and shoot it on 35, you motherfu, shoot it on 70 for all I give a fuck. But shoot it on film.

• 43:53Speaker 03

  That's too hefty.

• 43:53Stavros Halkias?

  Too hefty, back to 35, I take it back, I take it back.

• 43:57Speaker 03

  I don't know, we have the Odyssey on, uh, my friend Spencer made us the Odyssey VHS that we've been playing.

• 44:02Stavros Halkias?

  That's hilarious.

• 44:03Speaker 03

  At the movie theater.

• 44:04Stavros Halkias?

  Oh yes, by the way, the cool, the other shit you've done that's like the dream is your own movie theater, which is so fucking cool, In Ridgewood. Do you feel like, people must know your exact address at this point, right?

• 44:15Speaker 03

  I don't like to think about it.

• 44:16Stavros Halkias?

  You put it in your movie, you put it in your show.

• 44:18Speaker 03

  I don't know, I, I've, I've been at bars, you know, I've been at bars and people, someone I've never seen before will just come up and be like, you know, I'm your backyard neighbor.

• 44:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 44:26Speaker 03

  And I'm just like, I don't wanna know.

• 44:28Stavros Halkias?

  Don't tell me that, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 44:30Speaker 03

  But, it's fine, I get it, I'm just like, but I, I also just like, I think it's like easier, the relationship to, to me is like, is easier in a certain way when you're just like out there and like the terms are very much that and it's like, you know, if people want to, you know, people don't make you feel as uncomfortable, I feel, like when you really put yourself out.

• 44:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 44:55Speaker 03

  And like, it's like, and I'm just like, you know, if I'm working at the movie theater, I'm just like making popcorn.

• 45:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 45:02Speaker 03

  And it's like, they treat you like someone making popcorn.

• 45:04Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 45:04Speaker 03

  You know, and that's it.

• 45:05Stavros Halkias?

  If, yes, you, you have to set the like, I'm a, I'm a guy at work, man.

• 45:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:11Stavros Halkias?

  And you could talk to me, cause like you talk to a guy at work, but ultimately.

• 45:14Speaker 03

  I gotta get back to work.

• 45:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, ultimately the fucking, the butter's not, the poppers aren't gonna butter itself.

• 45:19Speaker 03

  Not gonna butter itself, no.

• 45:20Stavros Halkias?

  So you, you have this fucking awesome theater in Ridge, what was the like, what's the process, were you just, were you just like, yeah, I'm obviously doing this? Did something come up, like, what is the, the brief story or were you just like, I need to have a movie theater in my neighborhood?

• 45:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know, I just, I felt like, I mean, I, I opened it with my friends Davis and Cosmo, uh, uh. Cosmo and I had been ambu, ambiently kind of talking about it for years and then we finally found a spot. I don't know, I think it's just like a natural kind of thoughtless thing you do, as like a movie freak, you just, it's just like, yeah, okay, this will probably happen one day.

• 45:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 45:57Speaker 03

  But then, I don't know, I just like, I feel like, uh, the size of it is cool and, you know, it's all an experiment just to like, you know, I think people, I think things became so big with your kind of Regals and AMC types that, you know, I mean, those are cool, but.

• 46:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, they serve a purpose.

• 46:15Speaker 03

  I think that like the city used to be like, have so many tiny theaters in it, you know?

• 46:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 46:20Speaker 03

  And like, I think it's just kind of a shame that they were all kind of, uh, wiped out during the Giuliani, you know, years.

• 46:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, James Cameron and Rudy Giuliani.

• 46:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:31Stavros Halkias?

  Who are the biggest pieces of shit.

• 46:33Speaker 03

  You guys.

• 46:33Stavros Halkias?

  When it comes to movies.

• 46:36Speaker 03

  They are, man, they just were trying to clean up, yeah.

• 46:39Stavros Halkias?

  And yeah, cause I guess they cleaned them up because people are beating their shit in there or what, what do you think?

• 46:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, but just like, that should be.

• 46:45Stavros Halkias?

  You should be allowed, there should be.

• 46:46Speaker 03

  That should be okay.

• 46:48Stavros Halkias?

  I, I do agree with you, you're not in a serious city if there's not one place you can jack off in public.

• 46:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:54Stavros Halkias?

  You need one place, Montreal's got a sex theater, you know what I mean?

• 46:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, and it's just like, sure.

• 46:59Stavros Halkias?

  What happened to culture?

• 47:00Speaker 03

  I mean, I wanna own it or like, whatever.

• 47:03Stavros Halkias?

  You don't wanna own the jack off theater?

• 47:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, probably not, but.

• 47:06Stavros Halkias?

  I agree, but someone does.

• 47:07Speaker 03

  It's true.

• 47:08Stavros Halkias?

  Can I tell you something? You might have to take the hat off. If you don't, if you don't wanna own the jack off theater, you're kind of sending mixed messages, John. Are you Captain Horny or are you merely Admiral Horny?

• 47:20Speaker 03

  No.

• 47:21Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, is Admiral better? I think it is actually.

• 47:24Speaker 03

  Well, I'll get you one of those hats.

• 47:25Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh, I would love, it's gotta be big like Captain Crunch's. Oh, fuck, I should show up to your fucking theater wearing that. Yeah, who's fucking horny now, Wilson, you piece of shit? Come to my podcast with a cool hat, I'll show you.

• 47:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:41Speaker 04

  Admiral is higher in rank than Cap.

• 47:43Stavros Halkias?

  Give me.

• 47:43Speaker 04

  One day.

• 47:44Stavros Halkias?

  Break him down.

• 47:45Speaker 03

  Oh, wow, okay.

• 47:46Speaker 04

  Oh shit, I don't have the full rank.

• 47:47Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, Jesus Christ, you could not, you couldn't have foreseen that, could you? Fatherhood hasn't dulled your podcasting instincts at all, Aldous, I'll say that.

• 47:55Speaker 04

  Sharpen, sharpen.

• 47:58Speaker 03

  But yeah, I mean, I think it's cool that, I know, this is a really good book. The Samuel, Samuel Delaney book, Times Square Red, Times Square Blue.

• 48:07Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, sick.

• 48:07Speaker 03

  Where he, you know, he was like, he's like a sci fi writer, but he used, it's kind of like a first person account of what it was like in the seventies.

• 48:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 48:15Speaker 03

  In the Times Square kind of porno theaters.

• 48:18Stavros Halkias?

  Taxi driver type shit.

• 48:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, like really like graphic kind of in detail of like what it was like. But you know, his argument is for, is that it's like a primal need that like a lot of people, as we as a species have, that it's like going to come out in some way.

• 48:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 48:36Speaker 03

  And, but, but it's like, the way that it happens in a place, places in like a city like we have now is like, it happens in bathrooms or like whatever, which is like heavily policed. And then they like basically like criminalize.

• 48:50Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 48:50Speaker 03

  Homosexuality or just like whatever, like, you know, the people that usually cruise in those areas.

• 48:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 48:55Speaker 03

  It's like, so like having a space like that, even though it is like, I don't know.

• 49:00Stavros Halkias?

  I know exactly what you mean. Implicitly, by not having a space like that, it's like, basically the argument is like, look. Yeah, you guys aren't gonna not suck each other off in public.

• 49:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:10Stavros Halkias?

  So let's, it's sort of the Amsterdam argument from The Wire. It's sort of the like.

• 49:14Speaker 03

  What's that?

• 49:15Stavros Halkias?

  Do you ever, so The Wire.

• 49:16Speaker 03

  I never really watched that.

• 49:17Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you gotta check it out, dude. What the fuck?

• 49:19Speaker 03

  I know.

• 49:19Stavros Halkias?

  There, there's one guy who basically is like, let's legalize like drug use on this one block. And that way it's like, we get people resources, we do all this other shit. Whereas like when, it's sort of a way to implicitly sort like keep, it's like only, only proper behavior is allowed. And that, what's implied there is that like, there is a way to behave and there's a way to not behave. And like, you guys are all degenerate sick freaks where it's like, we all know that at the top of our fucking society is the biggest freaks in the world.

• 49:54Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 49:54Stavros Halkias?

  It's sort of the thing where, they've actually priced out regular people from being freaks that don't sex traffic people. Everything has happened, it's like, you either, you either have to jack off on the subway or you have to be on Epstein's island. Even like being a sexual deviant has been like one percented in America.

• 50:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly.

• 50:12Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, listen, if you're successful enough, you get your own island and we don't care what you do on it.

• 50:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly.

• 50:17Stavros Halkias?

  But no theaters, God forbid. What if a fucking guy from Iowa who's taking his also fat wife to see, you know, Les Mis, stumbles into one and, you know, they write an email? Like who fucking cares? Go back to fucking Iowa. We jack off in this city.

• 50:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:32Stavros Halkias?

  I'm gonna, I'm gonna read that.

• 50:34Speaker 03

  I think for a healthy, yeah, civilization, I think you might need some stuff like that.

• 50:38Stavros Halkias?

  I, some release valves.

• 50:40Speaker 03

  Some release valves, yeah, you know, it's, it's about, you know, it's about taboo, it's about shame, you know, and it's like, like, yeah, everyone is doing crazy, I don't know, I mean.

• 50:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, no, shame is a, is a, it's very powerful, it's like soft power, where it's like, you don't have to legislate things if you just shame them implicitly or explicitly. That's why, I mean, what you're saying resonates a lot with me, because when I was in Amsterdam, I, the first time I went, I was like twenty or whatever. And I was like, eh, fucking party, I'm gonna smoke weed, fucking get my, get head or whatever. I'm like, whoa, this must be like, you know, it must be like spring fucking break, dude, it's gonna be awesome. And then you go there and it's just like, a really low key nice city. And like the red light district is like, not that far from a like park where like families are playing and you're like, oh.

• 51:30Stavros Halkias?

  This is not this at all, this is just humanity for real. These are people who are like, not in denial about people's desires and needs.

• 51:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:39Stavros Halkias?

  And want to do them all in a safe way. And then also have a society that doesn't, it felt very like shame free, but not, sometimes when people are like, shame is holding us back. It's like, yeah, you're right. And then they overdo it and they have no shame. That can be a real big problem.

• 51:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 51:55Stavros Halkias?

  So I felt like, when I was in Amsterdam, I was like, this is, I'm fucking Goldilocks right now. This shit is just right for me.

• 52:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:01Stavros Halkias?

  You know, like, like, so, we should have a couple more, we should have a couple brothels, we should have some.

• 52:06Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, I remember, I remember my dad had a really funny idea growing up where he like, you know, we, we had kind of a dead main street. And he always just like would joke about wanting to rent one storefront and just never open it, but just have, just have a sign that says adult outside of it.

• 52:21Speaker 03

  And just like, kind of see how, like if the community would, would revolt.

• 52:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, they, they definitely would.

• 52:27Speaker 03

  Just like the word adult, like what does that mean?

• 52:29Stavros Halkias?

  A hundred percent, a hundred percent. Just having it out there might start some civic pride.

• 52:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, and like pink letters.

• 52:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. I mean, I remember there was a fight when I was, they were trying to make a bar, they were trying to zone a bar where I grew up for live music. And I remember every mom in the neighborhood realizing like, oh, that's the same zoning you need for a strip club. And that they were, and this was Baltimore in the nineties, so they were like, obviously if we allow this, they're just gonna turn this into like strip clubs or whatever, which now I'm thinking like, maybe my mom fucked up fighting that tooth and nail.

• 53:05Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 53:06Stavros Halkias?

  Cause she did.

• 53:07Speaker 03

  I mean, I don't know, you know, morality changes throughout one's lifetime.

• 53:12Stavros Halkias?

  That's true. I mean, I get where she was coming from. She's right, she was objectively right at the time. Our neighborhood was fucking dog shit.

• 53:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, there was something like, I kind of, I don't know, I, in hindsight, maybe kind of nice, like about the, how kind of sanitized, like a lot of my Long Island upbringing was in a certain way. Where I'm just like, I don't know, I didn't, I didn't feel like I was repressing anything, but I was just like, I, I don't know, I, I liked the, the different stages of things that I, you know, at the times I accessed them in a certain way.

• 53:43Stavros Halkias?

  I, I know what you mean, where I'm like, it's nice to be able to just like, let a kid start their like adult life fresh. You know what I mean? Start, a kid starting at zero, right? Or even like, you want something, you want something kind of bland, like I think about that where it's like kids who grew up in Manhattan, it's like, they should be like on a registry site. Like, these are people that like went to rehab at eleven, you know what I mean? Like, these are people who's like, you know, you know, like stockbroker, like, you know, uh, older cousins got, you know what I mean? Like killed themselves because they had a bad, they watched somebody jump off a fucking, you know, uh, like penthouse and just kill, you know what I mean?

• 54:23Stavros Halkias?

  Like they've just, they've experienced so much shit where it's like, you want people to have, I do think like raising kids, you want them, it's just kind of boring. You also want them to have some baseline shit to kind of lightly rebel against.

• 54:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:36Stavros Halkias?

  Like kids who are like atheist children, it's like, no, man, you have to realize this is dumb at eleven. Like you need to, you have to believe in this implicitly so that then when you're fucking, when you're thirteen, you could be like, wait, is this all fucking bullshit? Is this, you know what I mean? Like, I almost feel like you, I don't know, I've thought about this a lot because, you know, uh, he had a kid, my brother had a kid, my other best friend had two kids. So like, I think I'm definitely in the uncle zone. I don't think I'm gonna be a kid's, I'm realizing recently like, wait, I think having like four babies that I actually care about. Is enough for me.

• 55:12Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 55:13Stavros Halkias?

  But I have been thinking about like, wait, how do we make that? Cause I'm like, dude, your kid's gonna grow up, your kid is lit, is, it's first year is in Williamsburg? That's disgusting.

• 55:22Speaker 03

  I know.

• 55:23Stavros Halkias?

  Imagine, that sucks dick, dude.

• 55:26Speaker 04

  We had, we had, uh, we had my wife's birth doula over doing a check in on, at the apartment the other day. And we're like, you know, we live in a one and a half bedroom in Nice, Williamsburg, and she was like, we're like, yeah, we can't believe we have like a baby in here. She was like, it's okay, I can tell you guys are simple people.

• 55:46Speaker 04

  So you know, he'll have a humble beginning.

• 55:50Speaker 03

  Simple people.

• 55:51Stavros Halkias?

  So she could tell you're Albanian, basically. She saw the ridging on your forehead.

• 55:56Speaker 04

  She was very surprised I was Albanian. Well, my wife said that, she's like, what? She was like, she stuck on it for a few beats. She's like, you're Albanian? I would have never told, I would have never been able to tell.

• 56:07Stavros Halkias?

  You haven't sexually harassed me once that I've been in here.

• 56:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, she was shocked at that. But yeah, she said we're simple people.

• 56:18Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, are there a lot of Albanians in the neighborhood in Ridgewood? Where do you, where do you encounter Albanians mostly?

• 56:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, there, there's a, there's a.

• 56:25Stavros Halkias?

  Cause you seem to be very pro pre podcast.

• 56:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, I, I think the Albanians are doing some cool stuff in the neighborhood.

• 56:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, they are. I like, I've turned around on them due to them, them kind of destroying Jared Kushner's forklifts and stuff.

• 56:42Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 56:42Stavros Halkias?

  They're trying to like build, they're trying to, you know, make fucking West Bank two in Albania right now.

• 56:47Speaker 03

  Oh, really?

• 56:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. But shout out to the, shout out to the fucking, what is it? Sheptar, what do you say?

• 56:53Speaker 04

  Sheptar, yeah.

• 56:54Stavros Halkias?

  Shout out to the Sheptar.

• 56:55Speaker 04

  People.

• 56:57Speaker 03

  I don't know, yeah, there's a couple of bars and they, they know how to make, uh, they know how to keep the neighborhood social. It's, it's, it's nice, like they. They they know they have a lot of outdoor seating, they you know.

• 57:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 57:13Speaker 03

  Can like it's a little relaxed like what the rules are.

• 57:16Stavros Halkias?

  Albanians love to hang and not really do that much.

• 57:19Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 57:19Stavros Halkias?

  Just pound a few coffees out and you know.

• 57:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, ultimate, I mean, you know, ultimately, it's just that that European shit of like, let's hang, let's say what's up to our neighbors. I mean, the funniest thing in the world, one thing that stuck with me the first time I watched, like this, this might, maybe this was season one of the show. Were you just like, would hang out with your, I assume, Polish landlady?

• 57:40Speaker 03

  Oh, she was a, she was Slavic, she was like, uh, she was, uh, what is it, Yugoslav?

• 57:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yugoslavian before.

• 57:47Speaker 03

  I think.

• 57:48Stavros Halkias?

  They split off.

• 57:48Speaker 03

  Serbian, Serbian.

• 57:49Stavros Halkias?

  Serbian, yeah, yeah, Serbian, okay. Yeah, you would chill with your Serbian landlord and watch Jeopardy.

• 57:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:56Stavros Halkias?

  And that was a very cute, that was a very wholesome relationship, but it was very funny that you watched Jeopardy every night. Was it really every night with your old landlady?

• 58:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, and she would, you know, she was, she didn't really understand, like, it, she doesn't speak English very well.

• 58:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, listen, you don't have to explain those people to me and elders. Every, every, half our family was that, like, I saw that lady, I was like, that's his grandma, that's my grandma. Like, that, that instantly, I was like, I have 100% had that experience, but it was my own grandmother. You had like a, you had a Balkan grandmother, basically, for a couple of years.

• 58:31Speaker 03

  There's something about the neighborhood where like, being named John is really helpful.

• 58:40Speaker 03

  It's true.

• 58:43Stavros Halkias?

  Cause it's monosyllabic and it's a, it's a name every culture has.

• 58:46Speaker 03

  But all the Pol, like, so many Polish people, so many Albanian people in the neighborhood are named John, like, my, I have multiple neighbors within, like, right next to me named John.

• 58:56Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 58:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, like, uh, this bar, uh, bar nurse kids named John, my, my, the, my landlord, the old lady's, uh, late husband was named John, so I think that, like, helped when she was moving out. I think there was like a kind of a spiritual continuity there with her.

• 59:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 59:15Speaker 03

  She sold me the building for like a pretty good number.

• 59:17Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 59:18Speaker 03

  You know, and, um, yeah, it's, it really helps.

• 59:21Stavros Halkias?

  That's fu, that's so funny that just John, cause that's, cause I, cause our John is Yanni, which is actually one of the, it's actually one of the Greek names that doesn't translate as easily, but like Nick, Nicks and Georges are everywhere. What's, what's an Albanian John, Aldous, do you know?

• 59:36Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 59:39Speaker 03

  Is it Yanni? Throw a stick in Ridgewood. Yanni, Yanni, Yanni.

• 59:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yanni, that makes way more sense, that, that, that's a, uh, that's a one for one, I would say, Yanni. Um, all right, well, look, we gotta fucking, John, we gotta take your beautiful mind and apply it to our callers here.

• 59:56Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, I was excited about this, you were actually, we were doing that.

• 59:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

• 1:00:00Speaker 03

  Okay, cool, yeah.

• 1:00:01Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, we're doing it, sorry.

• 1:00:01Speaker 03

  I wasn't sure how this works.

• 1:00:02Stavros Halkias?

  I'm just having a blast.

• 1:00:04Speaker 03

  You know, I've seen the show.

• 1:00:05Stavros Halkias?

  You know this shit.

• 1:00:06Speaker 03

  No, no, no, we're, we're cool.

• 1:00:07Stavros Halkias?

  Great, great, great. Um, because, yes, I literally, we could, we could talk, I mean, I wanna, I wanna know that book, I gotta read that motherfucker.

• 1:00:14Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, you love it.

• 1:00:15Stavros Halkias?

  I might ask you for a couple, cause I, I need to, I need to fucking read, dude, my brain is.

• 1:00:19Speaker 03

  You know what you should read, I was just talking about this, the, the new Jon Ronson book is very good.

• 1:00:23Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah?

• 1:00:23Speaker 03

  It's all about like, the kind of, uh, why lonely men are doing such insane things.

• 1:00:29Stavros Halkias?

  I would love to read that, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:31Speaker 03

  It's like a nonfiction, it's just like investigative book, it's like really cool.

• 1:00:34Stavros Halkias?

  That is cool because I do feel like people place this show in the middle of that narrative a lot. People are like, here's the one show your incel loser fat little brother should watch, and maybe he won't kill himself or someone else, but he probably still will, like, that's, you know, and it's like.

• 1:00:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, it's a, you know, it's, it's just a step, uh, better than, you know, your, uh, extremely toxic man, manosphere.

• 1:01:01Stavros Halkias?

  Truly just a step. The fact that cold, yeah, anyway, I don't wanna, I don't wanna talk about it too much, I'm done, I don't, I'm, it's, the, the, talking about yourself is one of, I mean, you know, having to promote my fucking special almost killed me, cause it's like so many just questions about you in non funny contexts.

• 1:01:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:20Stavros Halkias?

  And that sucks, dude, I mean, I appreciate that people wanted to talk to me and shit, and I was like going to much different avenues than usual, like I did fucking CBS, I did like daytime, I did the Drew Barrymore Show, which is fun as shit.

• 1:01:32Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, I saw that.

• 1:01:33Stavros Halkias?

  But like, you know, daytime shit, like, that's not my, I'm trying to get new.

• 1:01:37Speaker 03

  What do people ask you about, like, what, like, you made, like, that's what, that's the thing, it's like, well, like, I tried to just make the movies packed with so much shit that there would be so much to talk about in there, because I knew I would have to talk about it.

• 1:01:49Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 1:01:50Speaker 03

  Like, you know, partially, that's, that's why that stuff's in there, but it's like, but yeah, it's like when you're, come out with this thing and it's like, the thing is, I don't know.

• 1:02:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I don't know, I guess it's not even what, what they're asking me, it's just the fact that like, I'm used to going on something and the whole point being joking. And I just feel like I wasn't funny, it's also for me, right, where I'm like, I think I didn't work hard enough at being funny in every context, because I was so burned out from doing everything, and I guess what I'm real, what I was realizing was like, oh, these shit, like, it's gonna take re, it actually takes a lot of work to not just like, to be actually funny and that to come through in environments that you're not naturally comfortable in, you know what I mean, like, like, I like,

• 1:02:36Stavros Halkias?

  like, I just should have had more stuff ready to go for some of these like serious, I don't know, it's just, it's just a thing of like, I just hate, and it's also in standup, it's not that, it's like, you know, I, I thought of a fucking hour of funny stuff.

• 1:02:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:02:51Stavros Halkias?

  And it's, I guess, the mind, there's my nephew shit, whatever, but I don't know, I just, it's just so weird to have a like, uh, someone's just ask, and people will, you know, I'm sure, I talk way too much in general, so people are like, what, you love talk? We didn't hear shit about John, you started talking about yourself, you fat idiot, and that's true, but that's in my own, that's in my own home, you motherfuckers.

• 1:03:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's allowed.

• 1:03:14Stavros Halkias?

  I'm allowed, I'm allowed to be a fucking loud mouth, actually, I have thought about, should I try at the podcast at some point? So far, the answer is no, but.

• 1:03:22Speaker 03

  The podcast, what is this?

• 1:03:24Stavros Halkias?

  This is not me trying at all.

• 1:03:25Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 1:03:25Stavros Halkias?

  This is me.

• 1:03:26Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 1:03:27Stavros Halkias?

  This is me having, well, it's easy with you, cause I love your work and I think you're so fun to talk to, but there, it, but like, sometimes, you know, when I just have my friend, like, just people here where I'm like, yeah, whatever, just fucking start recording.

• 1:03:41Stavros Halkias?

  We got, we gotta stick to the schedule.

• 1:03:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, right.

• 1:03:43Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, anyway, sorry.

• 1:03:44Speaker 03

  Shoot the shit. So are there live callers, actually?

• 1:03:47Stavros Halkias?

  There are not live callers, they're, they're, uh, voicemails, but if you ever wanna come back and do a live call, you let us know.

• 1:03:52Speaker 03

  All right.

• 1:03:53Stavros Halkias?

  But, John, as you know, cause we talked about it at the beginning, it's now time to hit the Visible hotline, or the Stavies World hotline sponsored by Visible, of course.

• 1:04:01Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 1:04:02Stavros Halkias?

  You know, yeah, yeah, we're calling, yeah, so Aldous.

• 1:04:04Speaker 03

  You're not doing Twisted Tea?

• 1:04:05Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, well, don't fuck it, don't get ahead of yourself.

• 1:04:08Speaker 03

  Oh, sorry, okay, sorry.

• 1:04:10Stavros Halkias?

  Look, I, I don't know, there may or may not be a twisted ass motherfucking question of the week coming in a, in one or two, but for now.

• 1:04:17Speaker 03

  I forgot how this goes.

• 1:04:18Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's the conduit, as you, as you know, John, there'd be no way to do the twisted ass, motherfucking ass, fucked up question of the week. If not, that, the river we paddle is the, is the Visible hotline.

• 1:04:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:32Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean, and that's, that's the river we're on, so Aldous, why don't we, why don't we get a couple tubes? And why don't we lazy float down the, down the river of questions that is the Visible, the Stavies World hotline sponsored by Visible?

• 1:04:47Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:04:47Speaker 05

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• 1:05:46Speaker 06

  Hi, Stavie baby, hi Aldous. So I had a question about how I should deal with my mother. I'm a 30 year old adult living in a house by myself. Uh, last year, my mother needed to move in with me for a little while to help get her back on her feet. Uh, she ended up acting like a complete asshole, which is not outside of her MO. And unfortunately, I had to kick her out of my house, which was super uncomfortable for, uh, both of us.

• 1:06:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, of course.

• 1:06:14Speaker 06

  But, um, immediately after that, she began dating my next door neighbor. And then moved in next door to me.

• 1:06:23Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, she stunted on your ass. She fucking checkmated your bitch ass, you thought you got rid of me? I'm gonna fuck your neighbor. Uh, sorry, go, that's fucking hilarious, that's so funny.

• 1:06:37Speaker 06

  Brr. And then moved in next door to me. And ever since she moved in next door to me, she has been making my life extremely uncomfortable, and I'm not sure how to deal with that. Uh, for example, she is now claiming that her boyfriend likes to watch me through my windows and that he's in love with me.

• 1:06:59Speaker 03

  We were just talking about this.

• 1:07:00Speaker 06

  Garage, waiting for me to come home so that he can watch me.

• 1:07:04Speaker 03

  What the fuck?

• 1:07:05Speaker 06

  And I expressed being uncomfortable with it.

• 1:07:08Speaker 03

  This guy sounds cool.

• 1:07:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, the guy's cool, he's like, yeah, I'd love to fuck the daughter, but for now, the mom will give me head in exchange for shelter. So I'll just buy some binoculars.

• 1:07:22Stavros Halkias?

  Bide, bide my time.

• 1:07:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're gonna level up. Keep going on this.

• 1:07:29Speaker 06

  Um, mind you, I don't think this man watches me. Uh, I think my mom is just a fucking lunatic. And, um, but now it's gone to the point to where she is like screaming at me if him and I are mowing the grass at the same time. And now I'm kind of just perpetually hiding and hoping that I don't see her.

• 1:07:48Stavros Halkias?

  What the fuck?

• 1:07:50Speaker 06

  And I, and I could list a thousand stories about this lady being like a shitty parent.

• 1:07:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:55Speaker 06

  But, um, trying to go no contact with her, with her being right next door to me. What, what, what do I do?

• 1:08:01Stavros Halkias?

  So funny. She's such a piece of shit.

• 1:08:03Speaker 06

  Do I burn it down? I don't really know, but, uh, let me know what you think. Appreciate you guys. Love the podcast. Have a good one.

• 1:08:11Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, this is nuts.

• 1:08:12Speaker 03

  I think she, I think she should, uh, I think she should write a treatment and sell this to ABC for a new sitcom.

• 1:08:19Stavros Halkias?

  I like that.

• 1:08:19Speaker 03

  Of some kind.

• 1:08:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:21Speaker 03

  Just like, I think that this, there's a lot of, it sounds really, this sounds like fun and funny.

• 1:08:28Stavros Halkias?

  It is really. Now, th- this is funny because you are right. These have some classic sitcom archetypes here, right? Where it's like the kind of insane horny older mother, the like doofus neighbor who's like, oh yeah, you can live with me. Trying to fuck you, the, the main character the whole time. She's a working girl who tried to have it all.

• 1:08:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, and then maybe she gets like a new mom.

• 1:08:54Stavros Halkias?

  She tries out a new mom.

• 1:08:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:56Stavros Halkias?

  I like that.

• 1:08:56Speaker 03

  However, that works.

• 1:08:58Stavros Halkias?

  That would be good to make your mom jealous, because I mean, this woman is so clearly insane. This mom is so insane in like a classic, sometimes, this comes up on the show every once in a while, where it's like, the mother daughter, the moms who have this weird rivalry with their daughters are some of the scariest people in the world. It's like a man, like, look, dad, dad versus son rivalries are sort of like classic. At the end of the day, it's like, yeah, we just want to beat the fuck out of each other. Like me and my dad, I think our lives would probably be better if like, we had fought 10 years ago before his heart might have exploded and before I was too fat to, to throw a punch without worrying about my spine, uh, completely coming apart.

• 1:09:40Stavros Halkias?

  I think we probably, my, basically dad, son stuff is like, kind of so simple, because dudes are kind of simple. Whereas like mom, daughter stuff is one of the most psychologically fucked up scenarios I've seen.

• 1:09:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:09:53Stavros Halkias?

  Like a mom is trying to compete with her dau- you know what I mean? Like the hot, like the mom who's like, clearly jealous of her daughter, which is what this feels like.

• 1:10:01Speaker 03

  You see this on reality TV a lot too. It's like, yeah, it's a common dynamic, but yeah, I don't, you know, I don't, I can't fully relate, but.

• 1:10:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you, you, your mom's not mad that you're more beautiful than her?

• 1:10:16Speaker 03

  No, my mom is very happy. I'm a handsome young boy.

• 1:10:19Stavros Halkias?

  That's good, that's good, that's good, that's healthy.

• 1:10:22Speaker 03

  But, I don't know, I mean, she said sell the house.

• 1:10:25Stavros Halkias?

  Sells, the house is nuts.

• 1:10:27Speaker 03

  I think that could work.

• 1:10:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, that is, the simplest answer is do anything it takes to get away from your mom and not let her know where you live.

• 1:10:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, and yeah, go full, uh, witness protection if you want to, but also, I don't know, you could befriend the, yeah, you could befriend her boyfriend.

• 1:10:50Stavros Halkias?

  You could fuck her boyfriend.

• 1:10:51Speaker 03

  Why, why was it, why weren't you friends with the guy, the neighbor?

• 1:10:54Stavros Halkias?

  He's probably, I mean, he's the kind of guy who hears two women have a screaming match for months, and then the older one goes over to his house, is like, can I be your wife? He's like, yeah, I don't fucking care. That's why, because he's that kind of guy. Either that, or the mom is diabolical and like when put, when her back's against the wall, is just a survivor who figures it out. But clearly her mission here is to make her daughter's life miserable, right?

• 1:11:21Speaker 03

  Well, if that's the case, then you should rent, you should, you should sublet out your place to, you know, to some insane, like, uh, Burning Man.

• 1:11:31Stavros Halkias?

  Burning Man, some, some subculture.

• 1:11:33Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:11:33Stavros Halkias?

  Burning Man, yeah, have a bunch of polyamorous Burning Man fucking old guys with ponytails go on Pee Wee Herman mode in there, you know what I mean? Turn your home, ooh, turn your home into a cruising spot. Sucking and fucking in your shed at all hours of the night.

• 1:11:51Speaker 03

  That, that'll teach her.

• 1:11:52Stavros Halkias?

  That'll show her. I like this though, you're right. The, Hank, the value in this, well, you want to sell it though.

• 1:12:00Speaker 03

  You want to sell your house.

• 1:12:01Stavros Halkias?

  You want to sell it.

• 1:12:01Speaker 03

  You could sell it to, to someone, uh, yeah.

• 1:12:05Stavros Halkias?

  No, this is good, this is like, here's what you need, a break from your mom, right? Take a vacation or like, or like, uh, you know, seas- I don't know what you do for work, do you, can you work from home? Can you take a seasonal job at a fucking tourist place for two months or something? Sublet it and just have your weirdest friends, tell your weirdest friends to do weird shit there. Uh, just something your mom would hate.

• 1:12:31Speaker 03

  What does she hate?

• 1:12:32Stavros Halkias?

  Is she racist? Can you, can you let your friends, you know, can you get some black and Asian people in there? What's the type of race she hates the most? Move them in to show her that bigotry has no place on your block.

• 1:12:46Speaker 03

  But that, but this didn't originate with bigotry.

• 1:12:49Stavros Halkias?

  No, it's, I'm just saying stuff she hates. Hotter, younger women, have, uh, you, she clearly has an issue with you, you know, have someone fuck her boyfriend, just, just like.

• 1:12:59Speaker 03

  It might have to originate with whatever, uh, you know, she said it was too much to go into, like what, you know, maybe why they were on bad terms, but.

• 1:13:07Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, I think, to me, this is like classic, this is a really bad parent, right? This person has, the one thing the parent has been, done good, has, has been, uh, capable of doing here is guilting her daughter, and things got bad enough that her daughter's a good person and is like, okay, she's homeless, whatever, I, she's sick, whatever the fuck, I, I'm gonna do my duties as family, even though this is a difficult person, and hey, maybe this will be the thing that brings us together. Because in the back of every child who has a bad relationship with their parent, there's part of you that's like, man, it would just be nice if they, out of the blue, became a completely

• 1:13:50Stavros Halkias?

  different person who loves me the regular way, right? And I think that's probably what happened here. You've learned your lesson, you can never trust your mother, she's a piece of shit that needs to be out of your life completely. And I think what you do now is, she's trying to neighbors you, you neighbors her. She thinks she's Zac Efron, now you know, you're fucking Zac Efron, you throw fucking parties or whatever the fuck.

• 1:14:13Speaker 03

  That was a great movie.

• 1:14:14Stavros Halkias?

  Great movie.

• 1:14:14Speaker 03

  Really good.

• 1:14:15Stavros Halkias?

  Shout out to F, dude, let's get, let's get Efron back.

• 1:14:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, you need to start dating Zac Efron.

• 1:14:21Stavros Halkias?

  He's a cool guy. Let me know, you know, I'll text him, I'll let him know, I'll tell him, I'll tell him there's a lady in wherever the fuck, you know, uh, but yeah, get F, or just.

• 1:14:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, did she say where it was?

• 1:14:34Stavros Halkias?

  No, for anonymity's sake, but yes, you need to get the fuck away from your mom. The, the over, the big lesson here is, she's a piece of shit who's never gonna change and never gonna do right by you, get the fu- sell the house is nuts, but.

• 1:14:51Speaker 03

  I don't know, I mean, but also it's like you kind of, I don't know, where you, it's easy to ignore certain neighbors at the same time.

• 1:14:58Stavros Halkias?

  True.

• 1:14:59Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 1:15:00Stavros Halkias?

  The greatest victory would be to give her nothing. Clearly she's trying to get a rise out of you, clearly.

• 1:15:06Speaker 03

  I mean, uh, uh, yeah, she's trying to get a rise, but the, the, her boyfriend does seem like a pervert.

• 1:15:11Stavros Halkias?

  For sure.

• 1:15:12Speaker 03

  And maybe you can somehow trap him.

• 1:15:15Stavros Halkias?

  Honey pot.

• 1:15:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know, like, and, uh, make them both, I don't know, if, if he, if he is spying on you, you could, you could make it backfire on him.

• 1:15:28Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:15:28Speaker 03

  In an interesting way.

• 1:15:29Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:15:30Speaker 03

  Like, um, by, I don't know, this.

• 1:15:33Stavros Halkias?

  Private investigator though, this could be interesting, get dirt on this guy. You know what I mean?

• 1:15:37Speaker 03

  Okay, yeah.

• 1:15:38Stavros Halkias?

  Like you, let's figure out how to, you're right, he ultimately needs to go, because he's her way in, unless she just goes to the guy next, you know, catty cornered to you or whatever.

• 1:15:48Speaker 03

  What are they doing dirty work, like put a bunch of fish?

• 1:15:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, fish, but it actually, it's a, it triggers a mafia hit.

• 1:15:54Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:15:57Stavros Halkias?

  By the way, really good doc, I think it's out by the time the episode, uh, plugging just a different doc. The Norm, the Norm doc.

• 1:16:05Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:16:05Stavros Halkias?

  Netflix is really good.

• 1:16:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, was that out?

• 1:16:07Stavros Halkias?

  It's not out yet, you know, my buddy, my boy Judd might have hit me up.

• 1:16:11Speaker 03

  No, yeah.

• 1:16:11Stavros Halkias?

  With the, with an advanced copy.

• 1:16:13Speaker 03

  He sent it to me too.

• 1:16:14Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah?

• 1:16:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, I watched it, yeah.

• 1:16:15Stavros Halkias?

  It's good, right?

• 1:16:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's cool, I love it. I mean, Norm was like huge right?

• 1:16:19Stavros Halkias?

  Unbelievable, and the, the doc was so good at like, because Norm was so good at hiding who, like biographical details, it, as a Norm super fan, I learned shit, where it's like, usually for these comedy documentaries, it's more like it reminds you of shit that you're, but like, there was a lot of stuff that I had no, no idea about, which was really fucking good.

• 1:16:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:16:40Stavros Halkias?

  Or just the scope of it, or getting everything on, on record.

• 1:16:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, Norm, yeah, it's just so funny how like much you just would just lie about stuff.

• 1:16:48Stavros Halkias?

  It's awesome.

• 1:16:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:16:49Stavros Halkias?

  Because it's funny, that's a good point. Nor, it's like, I wasn't as fun, obviously this is an unattainable North Star, but like, I should be trying to be as funny as Norm MacDonald at every interview, and that's hard, but that takes a lot of work, and it's like, somebody like Meg Stalter's another great example, where, where she really thinks about these banal things, it's like, how do I make this funny, right? And so I think that's my takeaway for the future is like, every situation, let me actually think about how to be funny, instead of just giving a real interview, because who gives a fuck about that?

• 1:17:22Stavros Halkias?

  But anyway, fucking kill your mom.

• 1:17:23Speaker 03

  Kill your mom, sell the makeup, uh, write a pilot, uh, sell it to Hulu.

• 1:17:29Stavros Halkias?

  Gotta go Hulu.

• 1:17:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:17:31Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta go Hulu. This could be like a nice companion to adults, you know?

• 1:17:36Speaker 03

  Adults?

• 1:17:37Stavros Halkias?

  The Hulu show.

• 1:17:38Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 1:17:38Stavros Halkias?

  It's good, it's really funny, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it could be like adults, and then the next one is, what if your crazy ass mom moves in, whatever, you, you know what the fuck to do. Get the fuck, get away from your mom.

• 1:17:49Speaker 03

  It's a moneymaker, and I think that's the best revenge.

• 1:17:51Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 1:17:53Speaker 03

  Against your mom, is to become extremely wealthy off of her, uh, trying to make your life miserable.

• 1:17:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, go Jeanette McCurdy with it.

• 1:18:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:18:01Stavros Halkias?

  Do a memoir.

• 1:18:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 1:18:04Stavros Halkias?

  What else we got, Eldis? Oh, fuck, what the fuck? Oh shit.

• 1:18:09Speaker 03

  What is that?

• 1:18:10Stavros Halkias?

  Oh fuck, dude.

• 1:18:13Stavros Halkias?

  You're not the only one with a fucking awesome hat? Because it's time to, yeah, that's right, you spoke into existence, John. You're too powerful. You created the motherfucking ass fucked up twisted question of the week brought by Twisted Tea.

• 1:18:27Speaker 03

  It's an honor.

• 1:18:29Stavros Halkias?

  What's the most, what's the fucking ass fucked up motherfucked fucking question of the week, Eldis?

• 1:18:36Speaker 06

  Hi, Stav. First time, long time. So I am in a little bit of a ethical conundrum with my therapist.

• 1:18:46Speaker 06

  Backstory, I recently got out of a long-term relationship. And I'm getting back into the poly lifestyle. A month ago, I found myself at a swinger party. It was really fun. But afterwards, I was thinking about it and my therapist is also in that lifestyle and lives in the same town as me. So at our next session, I asked him if he knew these people. And of course he did. And he said that he also attends their party sometimes. I thought that that was going to be the end of our therapeutic relationship.

• 1:19:28Stavros Halkias?

  As it should have been.

• 1:19:29Speaker 06

  But to my surprise, we spent the next thirty minutes coming up with a game plan of what we were gonna do. We saw each other at a sex party.

• 1:19:37Stavros Halkias?

  All right. This is unbelievable. This is too twisted. This therapist is keeping it way too fucking twisted. This is not an appropriate level of twisted to keep it. You, okay.

• 1:19:50Speaker 03

  Is that like, that's not all right. Is that okay to do?

• 1:19:53Stavros Halkias?

  No, certainly not.

• 1:19:55Speaker 03

  I don't know what the laws are with therapists.

• 1:19:57Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, listen, this is all fake. Like, there's no like actual, like, nobody knows anything, really.

• 1:20:02Speaker 03

  Therapy police.

• 1:20:03Stavros Halkias?

  There, yeah, yeah, exactly. It's like, look, if therapy makes you feel better, you're working on it. It's working, in my opinion. But if you have, first, I was gonna say, polytherapist, that's a big problem, number one.

• 1:20:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:20:15Stavros Halkias?

  That's a big issue. And look, no disrespect to the poly community, but.

• 1:20:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, because I do look to like my therapist for advice in certain ways that I kind of like, don't wanna get. If the person is a little too twisted, I kind of.

• 1:20:28Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. You need someone not just twi- you want him twisted for a normal guy.

• 1:20:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:20:34Stavros Halkias?

  Not all the way the fuck twisted where him and his wi- his wife is pulling out fucking beads from his ass while he's eating like, you know, male woman's pussy at, at, at somebody's party or whatever.

• 1:20:44Speaker 03

  I just don't wanna know about it.

• 1:20:45Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly, exactly. And listen, yes, exactly. You, you, I don't need to ever find, if I find out that my therapist is poly, that's a problem. They can be poly if they keep it professional and they give regular advice. If their advice isn't like, have you ever thought about, uh, fucking somebody who wasn't your husband? You know what I mean? Like, but if they're not trying to push their poly agenda upon me, like, it would be the same thing if I went to a therapist and they were like, you know, pick a religion and they kept trying to get me to convert.

• 1:21:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, right.

• 1:21:15Stavros Halkias?

  Any, any.

• 1:21:16Speaker 03

  Oh, of course.

• 1:21:17Stavros Halkias?

  Any therapist that like brings too much, who doesn't act as just a conduit for your thoughts, is a problem for me. Now, all of that could have just been my anti-polie bias. You know what I mean? Whereas like, whereas like, it's not that I think it's wrong or I actually don't give a fuck. And I, listen, I've had some poly friends. I've, it's the best setup in the world to date someone who's got a husband. They don't give a fuck about you. They're just, they're just there to suck you off and have a slice of pizza. That's awesome. That's a great relationship. And I'm happy to be a part of someone's larger polyamorous web, right? I like to be on the outskirts.

• 1:21:56Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 1:21:56Stavros Halkias?

  But I don't, but someone who's, and, and so I would have been like, okay, maybe I'm being too harsh on poly people. But the fact that this horny piece of shit's like, well, like, what are we gonna do if I see you? How much of my, you're allowed to see one quarter of my shaft, but anything more than that, like.

• 1:22:14Speaker 03

  Well, that's, it, it feels, I think my issue is it feel, and you're like, talking about religion, you know, it's like how, it feels like a religion to some people. And like, that's why I, it would feel like strange if so, like a therapist would be pushy with something like that where it's, and that, like, I, yeah, I have poly friends, like.

• 1:22:34Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, you're in a fucking small theater in Ridgewood.

• 1:22:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:22:41Stavros Halkias?

  You're in an arthouse theater in Ridgewood. You got a couple of poly friends, John.

• 1:22:46Speaker 03

  I'm not saying like, don't, yeah, I'm not saying don't ask, don't tell. I'm, I'm just, I'm more saying like, I, like, for, for, for some people, it be- they become like kind of zealous about it.

• 1:22:57Stavros Halkias?

  Sure. Zealotry in any form, I don't want from my therapist.

• 1:23:00Speaker 03

  Like, as if this is the solution to any relationship issue, which, which I find to be really kind of nearsighted and it doesn't, I think, factor in some very human.

• 1:23:11Stavros Halkias?

  A hundred percent.

• 1:23:12Speaker 03

  Emotions.

• 1:23:13Stavros Halkias?

  Jealousy.

• 1:23:15Speaker 03

  And it's just like, well, there was this show, um, uh, Lily Marata turned me on to this show, uh, called This Is Poly. That, uh, I gotta, I'll, I'll send you if you haven't seen it. It's really, really good.

• 1:23:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:27Speaker 03

  And they, but it's like.

• 1:23:28Stavros Halkias?

  That's not the show we used to watch, is it?

• 1:23:30Speaker 03

  It came out.

• 1:23:31Speaker 04

  There's another show, Polyamorous. I think we watched that.

• 1:23:33Stavros Halkias?

  We used to watch it back in the day in a story, and that's where you heard fluid bonding, but I'm sorry to cut you off.

• 1:23:39Speaker 03

  Okay, yeah, they're, uh, yeah, they have interesting, uh, phrases that they use. Like, there's this one, like lesbian polyamorous relationship that was just like setting the ground rules and they're like, no hot fish. And I was like, what does that mean?

• 1:23:56Stavros Halkias?

  Would you ever get to the bottom of it?

• 1:23:58Speaker 03

  I was asking lesbians and I couldn't still, a lot of them didn't really know. Anyway. Yeah, but, but, uh, you know, on top of like, you know, like no, no like scammers, no, you know, like whatever.

• 1:24:11Speaker 03

  But, yeah, it's like, it does.

• 1:24:14Speaker 04

  No hot fish means maintaining proper personal hygiene and cleanliness? Specifically referring to keeping intimate areas.

• 1:24:23Stavros Halkias?

  That's crazy.

• 1:24:24Speaker 03

  Wow, maybe a Grok has, uh, like, figured out the answer in the time since I last asked.

• 1:24:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, Eldis, Eldis was a big Grok guy. He's, he's working on getting the implant directly into his head.

• 1:24:39Speaker 03

  But, but yeah, it, it's kind of like, they, you know, the, the way they, they speak about it in this way as if there's no problem. But then it's like, the, the, the, the very basic human jealousy things, it's just like, they always come up. And it's like, I think I'm more cool with it if you can just like, recognize that as like a baseline like thing that will be happening and that that's a danger of this, not that like you've, you've like.

• 1:25:06Stavros Halkias?

  You've solved it. You've evolved past it. It's like, and by the way, the only time friends of mine where it makes sense tell me is like, yeah, of course I'm, I'm not like pumped to the, you know, my wife's going on a date with, that's not my, the favorite part of my week. You know, my wife's going, but I don't, you know, it's just like, I understand that that's something you just get over and it's like momentary. And look, for some people, it is momentary and they let it wash over them and then they're like, well, but I also get a lot out of it, whatever. To come back to our friend here, your therapist having a breakdown so where he can continue to uh, take money from you while getting his dick sucked by your mutual friends, that's a problem. Let her finish. Is there more?

• 1:25:48Speaker 04

  Let's hear the point counter.

• 1:25:50Speaker 03

  Oh, oh, oh, sure.

• 1:25:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:25:52Speaker 06

  And I was like, I don't know, like, if I saw you at a sex party, I would probably just leave. And he was like, well, we can just like go to opposite ends of the house. And like, as long as we don't have sex, it's fine.

• 1:26:06Stavros Halkias?

  No, it's not.

• 1:26:08Speaker 06

  And I'm like, I don't know, bro.

• 1:26:09Stavros Halkias?

  I don't wanna fuck up, I don't wanna watch him get his dick sucked while I can breathe his sweat in. Keep going.

• 1:26:15Speaker 06

  And I'm like, I don't know, bro. I think this is kind of weird, don't you? And he basically told me that he could see why I think it's weird. But he has had this conversation with multiple clients in the past.

• 1:26:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's a big problem. Big problem.

• 1:26:33Speaker 06

  So I just don't know if I should terminate him as my therapist. He is good at his job and does help me.

• 1:26:41Stavros Halkias?

  That's interesting.

• 1:26:43Speaker 06

  I just can't really stop thinking about it. Also, the swingers whose house I was at keep hitting me up like every weekend, trying to get me to come back over. And I'm running out of excuses as to why I can't come over. So any advice you could give me would be great.

• 1:26:59Speaker 03

  I just don't get, it, it's just like, it continues to frustrate me because it's just like, of course this is gonna happen. It's just like, like, of course it's gonna be an insanely thorny, annoying lifestyle.

• 1:27:15Speaker 03

  What? Like, why, why are you surprised by this?

• 1:27:18Stavros Halkias?

  Imagine Larry Day, you know what I'd love to see? Curb your enthusiasm where Larry's poly. The amount of little, like Larry David style, uh, misunderstandings that could happen in polyamory, and especially when you're a social, so, okay. The, the, the bigger red flag is that this has happened to him multiple times.

• 1:27:40Speaker 03

  But, yeah, well, yeah, with different clients.

• 1:27:43Stavros Halkias?

  Different clients.

• 1:27:44Speaker 03

  But I think they're very, I think she and her therapist are very aligned, I think, in terms of lifestyle.

• 1:27:50Stavros Halkias?

  True, that's a good point.

• 1:27:51Speaker 03

  And I think she could actually like, I think, might benefit from continuing to see him.

• 1:27:57Stavros Halkias?

  That's interesting.

• 1:27:57Speaker 03

  Even though, like, she may wanna have boundaries with this one specific house.

• 1:28:04Stavros Halkias?

  This is an interesting point where you're saying, is this man too twisted for me? Sure. But if you're already twisted, if she's the, she's the appropriate amount of twisted. So she can deal with someone a little more twisted than me or you would be interested in dealing with, perhaps.

• 1:28:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I think if you can shut off the valve, you know, of, of, of having sex with him.

• 1:28:28Speaker 03

  Like, you know, at this party, and, you know, that's not part of their relationship, but I think that maybe emotionally she could she'd benefit from it, you know, just by talking with someone who goes through the same stuff.

• 1:28:37Stavros Halkias?

  Sure. The prob- I would say the problem here is he cares about getting his nut off at this particular couple's house more than he cares about what are clearly should be, what should be clearly defined boundaries. Which to me is like, we can both go to, we can even both go to the, you know, be in this community, but we probably should never be at the same sex party. Do you really wanna be, first of all, let's take therapist out of it. I don't wanna watch my dentist get her pussy eaten. I don't wanna watch, you know, well, I had one dentist, but my current dentist, I don't. But here's the thing.

• 1:29:19Speaker 03

  Totally normal.

• 1:29:21Stavros Halkias?

  But that's what I mean is like.

• 1:29:22Speaker 04

  A few dental lab techs, though.

• 1:29:23Stavros Halkias?

  Lab techs, I'm listening in a major way. I wanna watch real up close, if you catch my drift.

• 1:29:29Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:29:29Stavros Halkias?

  From a real POV John Wilson how-to style, that's how I wanna look at them getting their pussy eaten.

• 1:29:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, from across the street.

• 1:29:39Stavros Halkias?

  Zoom lens, but they're still mic'd up.

• 1:29:42Speaker 04

  Admiral Horni reporting the duty.

• 1:29:48Stavros Halkias?

  Um, I just, okay, you bring up a really good counterpoint that they are aligned lifestyle wise. I would say, here's what I would do if I were you. If you really think that, if you're really getting something out of it, I would just, there's no re, the whole point of this poly shit is let's be honest about everything. Let's talk about our feelings. Tell your friends, like, I have a blast. If you, if they're poly, maybe you guys want to go on a day, I don't know if it's a couple or whatever, maybe you want to fuck them solo. That's great. Just tell them like, listen, had a great time. I just realized that, you know, I am seeing whatever the fuck they know, because fucking eight of their eight people, eight other people have been in this situation apparently. This is, this doubles as, he's, he's handing out flyers at these sex parties apparently.

• 1:30:31Speaker 03

  Well, that's what makes it feel predatory in a way, in that like he is using his practice as a potential kind of casting couch.

• 1:30:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, right. That's a really good question, because I could see this being like, no, we should never fuck. We could be there though, and who knows what happens. Like, I don't want to accuse this guy of trying to fuck you, because he probably, it seems, maybe he's not, but I would ask, has he ever fucked? This has happened before? Has he ever fucked another client? Has he ever fucked up? Like, could this be some weird? Because I could see this guy being the kind of freak that gets something out of this, and that it might be the ultimate forbidden, if you're already poly and you're saying, all, getting head is all fine. The forbidden fruit of fucking someone, this guy's eliminated forbidden fruit from his pussy diet completely.

• 1:31:22Stavros Halkias?

  This is, this is something, this is, this is like professional cheating in a way that like poly people have gotten away from like the eroticism of affairs, and is this guy cheating on being a therapist with his client? Is that a sexual thrill he might have? Again, if he's keeping it way too mother effing twisted.

• 1:31:43Speaker 03

  But what's the difference between being poly and being single? You know?

• 1:31:47Stavros Halkias?

  This is one of my great arguments.

• 1:31:50Speaker 03

  You're, if you're just, I mean, I, you know, I know there's probably a lot of-

• 1:31:53Stavros Halkias?

  Someone says they're solo, first of all, like, yeah, a lot of people are about to be mad. Solo poly just means you're getting pussy or dick a lot. That's all it means, guys. Can we be honest for a second? And that's fine.

• 1:32:03Speaker 03

  Right. If he's just a single guy that is a therapist and he's still trying to have sex with his, you know?

• 1:32:09Stavros Halkias?

  To, to give him credit, he hasn't, he, all we know so far is that he has been adamant that they should, his take is, let's stay the opposite ends of the, you get, you give head in the dining room, I'll give head in the fucking living room, right?

• 1:32:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:32:24Stavros Halkias?

  But to me, that's not a good enough solution. Anyway, I guess what I would do is explicitly be like, I don't want to go to these parties when my therapist is there, but I like working with him. Uh, and then I would just, you know, if you're getting a lot out of it, didn't you say, what did you say? She got divorced or out of a relationship?

• 1:32:43Speaker 04

  A, a long-term relationship out of one.

• 1:32:46Stavros Halkias?

  Do you think you're gonna go to poly, or you, or is our caller here sort of using the poly lifestyle as like, and if you want to have a little ho phase, I could see coming into a, a supportive poly community as kind of a safe way to do that. Right? Like, you don't, these people are all friends, they're all fucking sharing vegan potluck recipes or whatever the fuck. Like, it's having, they're having a good time. It's safer than going to bars and trying to, you know, hook up with random people. So, that's, that would be my other question. Long-term, you know, are you gonna live here? Is this the community you're gonna be in?

• 1:33:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:33:23Stavros Halkias?

  Is this your therapist long-term? Because, you know, if it's not-

• 1:33:27Speaker 03

  If, because if you, if you fire him as your therapist, you're still gonna run the risk of seeing him at this party.

• 1:33:34Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:33:35Speaker 03

  So, you're gonna have to like figure this out. But again, this is just part of like the minefields that is like having to deal with it.

• 1:33:43Stavros Halkias?

  And I think for you, I would guess, if this is temporary, I would say, just peel back from the, that party, or just be like, hey, I'd love to be there, but you know, whatever, fucking Frank, if Frank is there, I, it just, I would prefer not to. And again, I would also make, I would just communicate your boundary to your fucking therapist. Because if you're like, hey, it actually would make me uncomfortable to be at the house at the same time as you, and your therapist is like, come on. You don't want that. You don't want your therapist being like, please, can I keep going and charging you a hundred dollars a week? Please, I want both of these things.

• 1:34:20Speaker 04

  I, I do like what you said, Stav. I think asking him outright if he's ever fucked anyone from these parties, or if he's ever gotten, if he's ever turned someone he's fucked into a client, those are both the good questions, because part of me was like, you know, what are the ethics of, yes, it's uncomfortable, but should he necessarily remove himself from the parties?

• 1:34:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:34:42Speaker 04

  To be a good therapist, if, if that's like his community or something?

• 1:34:47Stavros Halkias?

  It's one or the other to me. Remove, be like, I'll give you a referral to a non-freaky ass therapist, or I'm not going to these parties until you tell me you would be comfortable with that. That's what I think. Clearly, that's one of, one of those two is the appropriate response in my mind. And so, if he's a good enough therapist for you to not do those things, then yes, ask some follow-up questions, make sure he's not on some weird predatory shit, and, and just kind of go from there. It's also possible he's like gay or bi or whatever, so maybe they don't, they're not even into the same shit.

• 1:35:19Speaker 03

  Interesting, yeah.

• 1:35:20Stavros Halkias?

  But, I feel like these sex parties are usually pretty segmented off, where it's like, if it is a queer one, it's pretty, you know what I mean? Like, it's not co-ed, it's like, hey, that, that's the gay wing of the house, this is the straight, it's usually like either straight or, you know, all, or it's all one or the other. From my experience with friends going to these, I could never go, I don't want to be watched while I fuck.

• 1:35:43Speaker 03

  I know. Ultimately, we're just jealous.

• 1:35:47Stavros Halkias?

  I am jealous on some level, yeah, yeah. Have you, have you ever like, have you ever dated anyone or been with someone who's floated that out to some like, some like shit to you of like, hey, why don't we go to one of these?

• 1:35:56Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:35:57Stavros Halkias?

  Because I, to me, it's been floated, and I'm like, I'll be honest with you, I'm not interested in that whatsoever.

• 1:36:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:36:01Stavros Halkias?

  It's just like, I, and maybe part of it is like, so much of my life is performance, I can't even have sex, like, you know, privately. But, but also, it's like, you know, I, I don't know. I would love, now, I amend my statement if it's all hot girls and me. That to me sounds awesome.

• 1:36:20Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 1:36:21Stavros Halkias?

  But, again, that's a fantasy where it's like, you know?

• 1:36:23Speaker 03

  I'm just curious, because I like, I don't know, I, I-

• 1:36:26Stavros Halkias?

  You would go as a-

• 1:36:27Speaker 03

  I just as a-

• 1:36:28Stavros Halkias?

  It's your nature to know.

• 1:36:29Speaker 03

  Just the, the extremes of anything, you know, is always kind of, I, I just, I like to see rare rooms, you know, like whatever, like that is.

• 1:36:37Stavros Halkias?

  Has there been a swinger situation with you, or am I misremembering a different doc?

• 1:36:41Speaker 03

  No, no, no.

• 1:36:42Stavros Halkias?

  You've never, you've never like gone into like a swinger?

• 1:36:45Speaker 03

  No, no, no.

• 1:36:45Stavros Halkias?

  I think I watched something-

• 1:36:46Speaker 03

  Maybe like a Louis Theroux or something.

• 1:36:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, maybe some shit like that. Yeah, it's-

• 1:36:52Speaker 03

  Like, he, he had a couple of good docs about swingers and stuff. But anyway, I'll, I'll send you the, this is poly stuff.

• 1:36:58Stavros Halkias?

  Please.

• 1:36:58Speaker 03

  Like, it's kind of funny, because there's just like one couple that's like poly, but it's actually just the boyfriend is cheating on his girlfriend.

• 1:37:07Speaker 03

  And she's just like, that's not poly.

• 1:37:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do, I have had friends who have figured out how to cheat within a poly framework, and it's almost like respect. Respect for you figuring that out. But, anyway, this fucking therapist is keeping it way too motherfucking twisted. And I would say at the end of the day, here's, you guys hang out, it's crisp, it's fall, get together, crack open a couple ice cold twisted things, and talk over your sexual dynamics with your poly therapist.

• 1:37:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:37:39Stavros Halkias?

  And, and remember, always. Keep it twisted. Oh, fuck. Holy shit. What the fuck?

• 1:37:50Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, fuck, we're out of the twisted zone.

• 1:37:55Stavros Halkias?

  We gotta figure out some animation for that, Elvis.

• 1:38:00Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, speak of the devil.

• 1:38:01Speaker 04

  What do you mean? There is animation on that.

• 1:38:03Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, whatever, fuck you. Uh, please, another fucking call you little piece of shit.

• 1:38:09Speaker 05

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• 1:39:08Speaker 07

  Hello, starving and beautiful guests. Eldis, thank you all for doing this podcast. I've got a funny story and I'd love your advice. I'm gonna let you know right off the bat, this is basically the ultimate nerd fantasy. And I'm completely aware of how stereotypical this is. I also think it's pretty funny, so maybe we'll get some, uh, something funny out of this.

• 1:39:30Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's the idea of the show.

• 1:39:31Speaker 07

  I go to a lot of game conventions, anime conventions, blah, blah, blah. I run my own business in that kinda nerd geek space. So, go to a lot of these. And there's one that I'm coming to in a couple of months.

• 1:39:44Stavros Halkias?

  He owns his own business in the nerd geek space, which is underwear you can come in your own pants. It's like Thinks, remember when they had period panties that you could just have your period in? He's making incel underwear where you can nut in your fucking boxer briefs? And your mom doesn't have to do the laundry for seven whole days?

• 1:40:00Speaker 03

  I know, yeah, I know, it sounds super nerdy.

• 1:40:03Stavros Halkias?

  Keep going.

• 1:40:04Speaker 07

  Go to a lot of these.

• 1:40:06Stavros Halkias?

  You could also shit yourself in them. They're basically diapers. He makes heavy duty diapers?

• 1:40:11Speaker 04

  Hello, sharks.

• 1:40:12Stavros Halkias?

  Hello, sharks. If you don't like the Jack, what was our first idea? I forgot. Something to do with the Jack off theater? Keep going, Eldis.

• 1:40:20Speaker 07

  Go to a lot of these. And there's one that I'm coming to in a couple of months. And one of the featured guests is a particular voice actress. When I was a young man, she voiced a character, kind of a older, wise, milsey type, who I had a big crush on. And I'd love to see, hey, maybe there's any opportunity you wanna go get drinks afterwards? I'd love to talk to you.

• 1:40:48Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, the question is, okay, actually, I'm gonna look this up.

• 1:40:51Speaker 03

  I think I know who this is.

• 1:40:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, the guy calling or the lady?

• 1:40:54Speaker 03

  No, the lady. No, I don't, I haven't, I, I-

• 1:40:56Stavros Halkias?

  I think I know, okay, my guess for the lady is, I think one of, I think the lady who does Tommy Pickles has sort of weirdly huge tits. She just looks hot. There's a voice actress that has-

• 1:41:08Speaker 03

  How do you-

• 1:41:09Stavros Halkias?

  Because, I just popped up on my IG, I told you on my IG feed.

• 1:41:12Speaker 03

  She's on the bright, she's just part of the algo.

• 1:41:14Stavros Halkias?

  I think it was like, yeah, there was a weird voice, she was in the, right? Isn't there, isn't there like a voice actress that's like awesome fake tits?

• 1:41:21Speaker 03

  There is. I, my guess is that it's the, it's the woman that, uh, did the voice for, uh, Ash Ketchum, the Pokemon.

• 1:41:30Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, really? She's hot as well?

• 1:41:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, look her up.

• 1:41:32Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting. Interesting, I didn't know that. Keep, uh, keep playing, though.

• 1:41:38Speaker 07

  Uh, your voice acting about how, how great you are, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So, I know it's a one in a million chance, but hey, what do you, what do you think? What is, what would be your advice? And this admittedly, I'm not gonna cry for more than 40 minutes if it doesn't happen, uh, kinda thing. I should also say, I don't have a major infatuation with this person. I just, I think it would be interesting to meet them. And even if things went very successful, I'm not gonna like ask-

• 1:42:08Stavros Halkias?

  What the fuck are you talking about? Are you out of your fucking mind? The question is, the question is, oh, I run a fucking, I have a business in the space. Because you fucking make the, uh, card protectors for fucking Pokemon cards? You think the lady who voiced, uh, the mom from Dexter's Laboratory is gonna suck your dick? What the fuck are you talking about? I'm sorry to be so, sometimes I gotta slap my friends around.

• 1:42:35Speaker 03

  This has happened, so he called-

• 1:42:37Stavros Halkias?

  He called the doctor once to fuck a lady.

• 1:42:39Speaker 03

  An hour and 40 minutes before this happened, this was supposed to happen?

• 1:42:41Stavros Halkias?

  But there's no play, I thought he DM'd her, she weirdly responded. I thought there was anything to go off of. Buddy, what the fuck are you talking about?

• 1:42:51Speaker 03

  You're gonna have to engineer some kind of meet cute on the street, uh, far away from the venue.

• 1:42:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You have, yes, you have to create a completely different life.

• 1:43:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:43:01Stavros Halkias?

  What is, yeah, yeah, you can, she can in fact not know you're like this at all. You have to start wearing three-piece suits and hanging out like where she, you know, gets coffee or something. And pretend you're, have a briefcase, fucking gel your hair back.

• 1:43:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, you gotta like, yeah, you gotta like, what, like Lana Del Rey's husband or whatever. Like, he's, he's like a windboat driver.

• 1:43:24Stavros Halkias?

  He's just some regular ass guy.

• 1:43:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, so get a windboat license.

• 1:43:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yes, or a cop, didn't she date a cop too? We, we can't tell you to be a cop, but get a wind license.

• 1:43:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, if you wanna play the long game, exit the biz.

• 1:43:37Stavros Halkias?

  Exit the biz.

• 1:43:37Speaker 03

  Um, try something new. And maybe you can court her, I think, because of, your differences will unite you somehow.

• 1:43:46Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:43:46Speaker 03

  Um, I don't know. It's tough at a convention that, that's like, the, the wall is higher than it's ever been at a convention. Like, I, I, maybe not.

• 1:43:56Stavros Halkias?

  And no, no, no, no, that's, that's actually the most insane part of this whole thing. Is that you maybe could not have picked a worse scenario to try and fuck this lady at.

• 1:44:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:44:05Stavros Halkias?

  You think you're the only guy who's got this big idea? You don't think, and by the way, you're probably, in terms of the percentile, you're at least probably top 50% of the guys that wanna fuck this lady at this thing. You got a business, you, sounds like you're well put together enough to form full sentences. Now, those sentences are fucking insane. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you, you have a phone to call us, you probably have access to wifi.

• 1:44:35Stavros Halkias?

  But like, I need to be very honest with you. This question is, there's a semi-famous lady that I'd like to fuck. How do I do it? And the question is, you don't get to do that. Like, and if you do, it's not at a convention. It's like, I, this is crazy, but, you know, the, the lady, you know, my new neighbor or like this lady I see at my coffee shop is like, it's like, you, you're starting at negative 1,000. This is not even zero, this feels like zero. This is so far beyond zero. And it's like, by the way, does she have, now, does she have a reputation for fucking these, you know, like, fans?

• 1:45:16Stavros Halkias?

  Cause they're, I do, one of my favorite things about Carrie Fisher, where she was like, yeah, I mean, you know how many guys who loved Princess Leia that I fucked? Cause it was awesome. She was like, it was cool as fuck, they were so pumped. And she just, so it's like, now, if you're cool, is she cool? Does she, are, now, but are you the sexiest guy at the convention?

• 1:45:35Speaker 03

  Have you paid for a dinner with her? Like, as a part of a contest?

• 1:45:39Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right, right.

• 1:45:41Speaker 03

  What is, like, are you going to try to hit on her while she's signing, uh, like a glossy?

• 1:45:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, these are all questions that he has for us.

• 1:45:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:45:51Stavros Halkias?

  Right? I'm not misreading this, right?

• 1:45:52Speaker 03

  He knows that she's in the building.

• 1:45:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, basically, your thing is, I know the location of, for one day, I will know the location of a woman I want to fuck. How do I do it? Is there more, no, right?

• 1:46:06Speaker 04

  There's more, but that's basically the gist.

• 1:46:08Stavros Halkias?

  That's the gist, okay. Get real, pal. You're not fucking this lady.

• 1:46:13Speaker 03

  I mean, unless-

• 1:46:14Stavros Halkias?

  At a convention?

• 1:46:15Speaker 03

  I don't know, I, I mean, maybe this guy has riz that we don't know about. Maybe he's, maybe he's extremely, maybe he looks like, you know-

• 1:46:22Stavros Halkias?

  It could be true.

• 1:46:23Speaker 03

  Oscar Isaac or something.

• 1:46:24Stavros Halkias?

  He could look like Oscar Isaac.

• 1:46:25Speaker 03

  He could just be really handsome and-

• 1:46:27Stavros Halkias?

  Does he know anything about this woman? Is she even single? Aren't these people married?

• 1:46:32Speaker 03

  I think you should-

• 1:46:32Speaker 04

  Here, there's, there's a couple, there's a couple more clues.

• 1:46:35Stavros Halkias?

  Let's finish, let's finish.

• 1:46:36Speaker 07

  Them to do the voice or anything, cause that's a little too goofy. I should say, um-

• 1:46:41Stavros Halkias?

  Right, that's ridic, that would be ridiculous.

• 1:46:42Speaker 07

  Personally, I'm pretty social. I mean, that's for others to decide, really. I'm pretty good looking, well, that's also for others to decide. I'm very lucky in that I've got a nice network of people. And I know a decent number of the guests who are already going. But, yeah, what do you think about finding a good way to be like, hey, you wanna get together, get drinks after? Me and my friends are going out to blah, blah, blah, et cetera, et cetera. Anyway, good job with the pod, good job with everything.

• 1:47:08Stavros Halkias?

  Thanks, man. You know what? I'm gonna dial it back.

• 1:47:13Speaker 03

  What?

• 1:47:13Stavros Halkias?

  He's an earnest, nice guy.

• 1:47:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's not gonna go, you know, full malady with it.

• 1:47:18Stavros Halkias?

  No, he's not, he's not. In fact, I mi, I didn't misread him. I mean, this is still insane, but I think the fact, there's an innocence to this question that is the only shot you have. The fact that this is not calculated, the fact that you really are literally like, you know what? There's a lady I'd like to speak to at the event I'm going at. And then when he was like, I know some of the other people that are going there, so, and he says he's in the business. So, now this is starting to get semi-interesting, right? Because depending on the context, you cannot, under any circumstances, meet her as the context of pure fan, and this is gonna work. But if you have mutual friends, if you meet her in a business context, if you tell her,

• 1:47:59Stavros Halkias?

  hey, I really, you know, I admire your work, I love whatever, you, you wanna throw her something she actually liked, not like the big, don't tell her about the thing that she probably fucking can't stand voicing that you loved as a kid. Find some interesting work that she's done and give her a real compliment about something. But basically, my thing is, this is a one in one million chance. You, you say, hey, pleasure to meet you, whatever. If, if you don't hit it off immediately, just move on, brother. You can give it a whirl, you could, whatever, but it's just not-

• 1:48:33Speaker 03

  I think the move might be just like, do not lead with any acknowledgement of their, uh, voice acting career and just say, we have these people, just like, we have these people in common. Um, I hear you might know this person.

• 1:48:47Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:48:48Speaker 03

  Um, then you talk for 30 seconds about that.

• 1:48:51Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:48:52Speaker 03

  And then it's like, we're going out for drinks later, if you wanna come.

• 1:48:55Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:48:56Speaker 03

  I don't know, I, I think like all X-factors that we can't see aside, I think that would maybe be the best.

• 1:49:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, your, your, your thing here is like, you have a one in a million chance and the answer is be polite and not weird.

• 1:49:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:49:09Stavros Halkias?

  And if, you know, do not push the envelope whatsoever at all. The first instance of a no or, or whatever, rebuffing you get, you hit the, you go away and you go, you go talk to some cosplayers.

• 1:49:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, and yeah, don't dress like an otaku with like a pacifier in his mouth, you know?

• 1:49:29Stavros Halkias?

  Mommy. So, have you ever changed like adult diapers?

• 1:49:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, that could be-

• 1:49:36Stavros Halkias?

  And do you like poopy or pee pee diapers more?

• 1:49:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, depends on what you're wearing too.

• 1:49:41Stavros Halkias?

  But he sound, hearing him talk, I'm like, you know what? This is just a nice guy with an actual question. So, yeah, it comes down to, how do I, you just have to decide if, if you have to look out for vibes. And listen, sometimes you'll be shocked at who you connect with too. I don't know if this has ever happened to you where it's like, you know- Started, I mean, in the movie, actually, there's a part where you're at like the GQ dinner, which is so fucking funny.

• 1:50:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:50:08Stavros Halkias?

  I, I, I don't actually, we'll talk, talk about it off air, but like shit like that, where you're like at a random place where you're like, what do I, I don't belong here. This year, I've started getting into a couple of those rooms. And you'll be shocked at who, just because like everyone there is just a person at work, essentially, you'll just randomly hit it off with people, right? And sometimes that's friendships, sometimes that could be romantic, who knows? And sometimes it's not even people you expect it to be, right? I don't know if you've ever had that experience where you're like, whoa, that fucking guy's cooler than I fucking gave him credit for, or whatever the fuck.

• 1:50:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:50:41Stavros Halkias?

  And so, look, maybe that happens to you.

• 1:50:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, everyone's just like a person.

• 1:50:45Stavros Halkias?

  It probably won't. Yeah, and then who knows? Maybe this lady's having a bad day, she's, because that's the other thing. I felt bad where it's like, I'm on the road and I have like friends or something in a city, and they're like, we gotta hang out, we gotta, and I'm in the middle of a fucking two-week tour, and I just need to sleep literally all day because I'm so fu- you know, I'm sick, I'm hungover, I have a show that night, and I don't want to do anything. This woman might just be at work. That's another thing.

• 1:51:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:51:13Stavros Halkias?

  So, again, this isn't gonna happen. Your only shot is to be

• 1:51:17Speaker 03

  But.

• 1:51:17Stavros Halkias?

  very polite, and if by some strange bizarre reason, there is a, an actual connection there, you're like, hey, we're going out to this fucking place or whatever, or you maneuver to get into like a dinner with other people that you know there, whatever, with mutual friends.

• 1:51:34Speaker 03

  Don't hit her with a hand buzzer.

• 1:51:36Stavros Halkias?

  No, yeah.

• 1:51:39Speaker 03

  Women hate that.

• 1:51:40Stavros Halkias?

  They hate that kind of stuff.

• 1:51:41Speaker 03

  They hate that.

• 1:51:43Stavros Halkias?

  Do not, under any circumstances, have a little fucking

• 1:51:46Speaker 03

  Squirtin' flower.

• 1:51:47Stavros Halkias?

  Squirt carnation that you squirt water.

• 1:51:49Speaker 03

  Don't do that.

• 1:51:49Stavros Halkias?

  Like, gotcha. Uh, so yeah, good luck, I appreciate the moxie, I appreciate the desire.

• 1:51:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, and if it works out, bring her to the cinema.

• 1:51:58Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely, bring her to the cinema, with, without question. If it works out, let us know, I will, I will mail you a check for $1,000 American. Literally, I will do that. Give us a call, little eldest.

• 1:52:14Speaker 07

  What's up, Stavi and the scene guest? I got a question for you. Started talking to this gal probably about a year ago.

• 1:52:23Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 1:52:24Speaker 07

  Going back and forth, sending pics, video calls, she lives in San Diego, I'm in Texas.

• 1:52:31Stavros Halkias?

  A year?

• 1:52:31Speaker 07

  Not really used to flying to meet somebody, or having them fly to me. But basically, I decided to pull the trigger, booked the flight.

• 1:52:42Stavros Halkias?

  And shot her, yeah. Tried to pull the trigger, she's either gonna be my wife, or she's gonna die. Keep going.

• 1:52:55Speaker 07

  Headed out there to meet her, and then she goes, hey, I just went to a tattoo shop. She's, a little context too, I'm in my mid-30s, she's probably 26. And she goes, hey, I'm going to a tattoo shop, I just got a tattoo on my lip. And I said, oh, what's on it, you know, like what, what word did you get? Did you get WWJD, did you get, you know, uh, swag?

• 1:53:27Stavros Halkias?

  Good job, bud.

• 1:53:29Speaker 07

  No, I'm gonna video call you and show you. And she hops on the call, and it says, it says the word bitch.

• 1:53:38Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome.

• 1:53:39Speaker 07

  This gal, who I thought I knew, has the word bitch tattooed on her lower lip.

• 1:53:46Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, like, like underneath the gums, like? Like this? Who cares?

• 1:53:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know. You never see that.

• 1:53:54Speaker 07

  And that's just, I kinda like to realize I don't really know this person, which maybe that's just answering my question right there, but is that like grounds enough to sort of, you know, reject her, and how do I, how do I do that tactfully? Obviously, your body, she can do what she wants with it.

• 1:54:14Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:54:15Speaker 07

  And

• 1:54:16Stavros Halkias?

  Of course. But it does reflect totally on you, if your bitch has tattoos you're approving. Everyone knows, this man's a doormat, if his bitch has a tattoo he doesn't like.

• 1:54:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, exactly, that nobody can see.

• 1:54:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, exactly, I mean, the fact that, that the word bitch is too much for you, it's like, you listen to this podcast, don't you?

• 1:54:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:54:39Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, listen, if it's on her, like, if it's a weird mustache, if we're missing something and she has a straight-up face tattoo, but it sounds like it's one of these, right?

• 1:54:48Speaker 03

  But is she a bitch?

• 1:54:50Stavros Halkias?

  Is she a bitch, or is it just funny?

• 1:54:51Speaker 03

  Like, what, like, how, why is this a surprise to you?

• 1:54:54Stavros Halkias?

  And she must be insanely tatted up, if she's getting ironic lip tattoos, so that's probably part of it.

• 1:55:00Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 1:55:01Speaker 04

  I get the sense that he doesn't care about the profanity, he's just kinda corny, you know?

• 1:55:07Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you think so, you think he's not, he's not pearl clutching, he just thinks like, oh, honestly, you know, it'd be worse than the, than the bitch, it'd be like, if someone just got a mustache on to her index finger and just started doing that?

• 1:55:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think, I think it's like that for him.

• 1:55:20Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, interesting. That's not how I read it from him.

• 1:55:23Speaker 04

  Really?

• 1:55:24Speaker 03

  I don't know, it's hard to say.

• 1:55:25Stavros Halkias?

  Remember this, I feel so bad, because there was a girl who got this when she was like, when I was like 16 and she was 17, and this is 20 years ago. And this was groundbreaking.

• 1:55:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:55:36Stavros Halkias?

  She was the first girl I saw with index finger mustache, in 2000, what was this, '06? That was funny.

• 1:55:45Speaker 03

  Where is she now?

• 1:55:46Stavros Halkias?

  I actually don't know. I should look her up, what the fuck was her name? She was somebody's cousin, so she wasn't, you know, when it's like, you know, like those kids that weren't in the main, like, social circle, but it's like someone's cousin's coming to visit or something like that?

• 1:55:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, the cousins.

• 1:56:00Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, but you know what I mean, like, it's like when a new girl, that you're like, whoa, is this the smartest, funniest? Maybe I was under that a little bit too, where it's like a girl who hadn't rejected me yet, uh, or just hadn't, by, you know, hadn't implied reject, because everyone you grow up with, it's like, you know what I mean, you know who wants to, who wants to hook up with who when you're like a kid.

• 1:56:22Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 1:56:23Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, this girl had that mustache, and I thought that was a fucking good move in 2006, but

• 1:56:28Speaker 04

  See, I feel like that inner lip tattoo kinda like has that, it, it, it's in, it's in this family as well.

• 1:56:35Stavros Halkias?

  I won't, I'm not saying it's cool, but what I'm saying is, to me, it's not a deal breaker, because it's hidden. If she got a horny-ass, like, millennial tattoo that was obvious, that's different to me, inner lip is like, that's a safe space to be a corny bitch, in my opinion.

• 1:56:54Speaker 03

  It feels almost arbitrary that it's a tattoo, because like, I can't tell if it's, it's, because if, it's, it's not a superficial embarrassment that he's worried about, I think it's more of like

• 1:57:04Stavros Halkias?

  You're right.

• 1:57:04Speaker 03

  It's like internal embarrassment.

• 1:57:06Stavros Halkias?

  What it says about her, which is kinda, you're, you're, you two are aligned here. That's fair, I guess

• 1:57:11Speaker 03

  It goes away, I think, I mean

• 1:57:12Stavros Halkias?

  It does.

• 1:57:13Speaker 03

  Supposedly.

• 1:57:13Stavros Halkias?

  Like in four or five years, or whatever. That's a good point, well, is he done?

• 1:57:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:57:20Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, look, whatever you want is a deal breaker, you don't have to fucking date anybody you don't want to.

• 1:57:25Speaker 03

  I mean, I have some bad tattoos.

• 1:57:26Stavros Halkias?

  What do we got?

• 1:57:28Speaker 03

  And they didn't, you know, nobody broke up with me.

• 1:57:33Stavros Halkias?

  What is your worst tattoo?

• 1:57:34Speaker 03

  I mean, I got a tattoo when I was 18, that's on my butt.

• 1:57:38Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:57:38Speaker 03

  That just says the word balls.

• 1:57:42Stavros Halkias?

  That's a great tattoo.

• 1:57:46Speaker 03

  But it's like, it's pretty like, it's pretty like faded from sitting on it for all those years.

• 1:57:52Stavros Halkias?

  Is that how tattoos work? You sit on it, it fades?

• 1:57:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, you like, I was originally gonna get it on the bottom of my foot, but then the tattoo artist was like, that'll fade away, and I was like, oh, yeah, God forbid.

• 1:58:03Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I need this. I can't, this is a, this is a testament to who I am.

• 1:58:08Speaker 03

  So I gotta get it.

• 1:58:09Stavros Halkias?

  I'm fucking, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:58:11Speaker 03

  But, you know, that was, you know, history, and, you know, that's different than if I got it now, I think

• 1:58:20Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 1:58:20Speaker 03

  Like a friend or someone would be like, why, like, that's so immature, why would you do that?

• 1:58:26Stavros Halkias?

  That's a good point, I guess we don't know the, what is, what is the picture of this woman, right? Because to me, here's the other thing, though, how many tattoos does she have?

• 1:58:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, does she have a bunch of Halloween-free, you know, Lucky 13 Halloween tattoos everywhere?

• 1:58:41Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, if she's a super tattooed person, to me, this actually means almost nothing, right? Like, to me, it's like, someone with that many tattoos getting this, it's like, it almost becomes meta-ironic on cer- on, on a level, I mean, tattoo artists have some of the worst tattoos you've ever seen in your fucking life, the people who respect this art form the most, right? The biggest fans of tattoos have like kinda dumb tattoos, and it doesn't mean much, so

• 1:59:09Speaker 03

  That's why I love Ink Master.

• 1:59:11Stavros Halkias?

  I love Ink Master.

• 1:59:12Speaker 03

  You know, it's like the best.

• 1:59:13Stavros Halkias?

  It's such a good show, and it's, and it's also so, it's awesome because of what it represents, but also, the way, the, the way they shoot these shows where these people are clearly in a place for one week, and they're not sleeping enough, and then they're forcing random people to get horrific tattoos, so that they like, so it fits in their, like, challenge or whatever, it's like, do a whole back piece in four hours.

• 1:59:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:59:39Stavros Halkias?

  And they have to talk to these poor people that VH1 or whoever has signed, they've signed a release.

• 1:59:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know, it's like, we're doing like a, we're doing like a, like a koi fish that's like, you know, uh, what do they call it, trash polka?

• 1:59:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:59:56Speaker 03

  That's the most, that is the most horrific tattoo genre of all time.

• 2:00:01Stavros Halkias?

  Trash polka?

• 2:00:01Speaker 03

  Trash polka, if you look that up.

• 2:00:03Stavros Halkias?

  I gotta fuck it.

• 2:00:03Speaker 03

  Look it up, you've seen it around.

• 2:00:05Stavros Halkias?

  I've seen it probably, because I did, I did drop off

• 2:00:07Speaker 03

  Those challenges are the most heinous.

• 2:00:08Stavros Halkias?

  I did drop off Ink Masters recently, but I might have to get back in, this might be a

• 2:00:11Speaker 03

  It's worth catching up, I mean, there was that great finale episode where Dave Navarro was suspended by hooks on his back and was being flown, like, just flown around

• 2:00:21Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome.

• 2:00:22Speaker 03

  the stage.

• 2:00:23Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, I see what you mean, this is fucking horrible.

• 2:00:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, like, stuff like that.

• 2:00:26Stavros Halkias?

  This is some millennial shit to the max, for sure, this is the worst parts of us. Although, I'm seeing a, I'm seeing one half trash polka that's V for Vendetta, and the other half is a skull. What beautiful imagery that is.

• 2:00:41Speaker 03

  It's, yeah, it's a little American idiot.

• 2:00:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely, fuck, that's brutal.

• 2:00:47Speaker 04

  I have, I have a friend who one time was like, dating this girl from a dating app who You know, she was good looking, whatever, but she was just like, she let him fuck on the first date. It was just like a nice stream of pussy for a little while. But he could tell, he could tell that, he could tell that she was just like into him in a very uneven, almost manic way. She was super into it and I feel like

• 2:01:13Stavros Halkias?

  Obsession.

• 2:01:14Speaker 04

  And I feel like he was just like, hey, I'm just fucking.

• 2:01:17Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 2:01:17Speaker 04

  And one day she texted him

• 2:01:20Stavros Halkias?

  She got it.

• 2:01:20Speaker 04

  A picture of a tattoo of, it was the word babe in a way that was like very tied into like a weird, cutesy like inside joke. That was kind of developing within them, between them. And she just sent that with a caption, I did a thing.

• 2:01:37Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I did a thing.

• 2:01:40Speaker 03

  Oh, no.

• 2:01:40Stavros Halkias?

  So that just happened. She hit him with the Marvel Captain America fucking little comedic relief.

• 2:01:49Speaker 04

  Yes, and I think, I think that moment, he was just like, I've gone too far.

• 2:01:55Stavros Halkias?

  I did a thing.

• 2:01:56Speaker 04

  I've led her on to such a crazy thing, like this was

• 2:02:00Stavros Halkias?

  You should have to pay court ordered restitution for that woman.

• 2:02:03Speaker 04

  This was not, this was not worth a few extra times I got pussy. And I feel like that's what this guy is feeling, the same thing my friend was feeling.

• 2:02:12Stavros Halkias?

  But he didn't though, this guy's been in, this guy's been in a like long distance relationship with somebody he doesn't even know.

• 2:02:16Speaker 04

  I think he said he only flew out like once.

• 2:02:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, he did an LDR, wait, I forget how they met, but it's like, I mean, it's more of the shock of like not realizing you don't know a person.

• 2:02:26Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 2:02:26Speaker 04

  He says, he says, he says like, I feel like I realize I don't know this person. I feel like he realized how much she doesn't understand him. And she would think he would be excited by like her corny lip tattoo that says bitch, you know?

• 2:02:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and also it's like, what do you mean you don't know her? You actually talk to her more than like, you probably talk, when you're in a weird, long distance relationship, where you haven't fucked that much, it's actually, it's actually a weird scenario where kind of even more communicative. It's one thing if you dated someone for like six months, then they have to move for work or whatever. It's like, you know, you probably FaceTime a little more, whatever, but when you started, when you met online, and the only way for you to have connection is by talking all the time, I think you probably know this person kind of more than you would someone you were casually dating in your own city is my read on it.

• 2:03:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:03:18Stavros Halkias?

  And he's just like, has he been, you know, pusmatized? Has he been reverse dickmatized? About, is she just hot? She's a decade younger than him, maybe she's tattooed up, maybe she's hot, maybe that's all this is. And that's his, his kind of way of being like, what, what he means by, I don't know her that well is, fuck, I just like wasted 18 months of my life talking to a hot girl I don't respect, basically.

• 2:03:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, I guess.

• 2:03:44Stavros Halkias?

  That's a possibility.

• 2:03:45Speaker 03

  I don't know, you just

• 2:03:47Stavros Halkias?

  To me, that's not, for me personally, it's not enough of a deal breaker. But ultimately, everyone gets to decide what a deal breaker is, that's what being in a relationship is. You don't have to stay stuck because you feel bad.

• 2:03:58Speaker 03

  If this is like a major red flag, then the, the, like, you know, everything around it must have been shallow enough that you don't

• 2:04:06Stavros Halkias?

  That's a great point.

• 2:04:07Speaker 03

  You wouldn't really know this or, I don't know.

• 2:04:10Stavros Halkias?

  No, that's a great point. It shouldn't have taken this long.

• 2:04:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, it shouldn't have taken this long.

• 2:04:14Stavros Halkias?

  And, and do you, I don't think there's anything wrong with being like

• 2:04:18Speaker 03

  By the time they get bitch tattooed on their lip, like, you should know.

• 2:04:22Stavros Halkias?

  You should have, there's been some signs.

• 2:04:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:04:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good, that's a really good point. Yes, she wanted to wa, she keeps, she keeps sending you Invader Zim memes.

• 2:04:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:04:32Stavros Halkias?

  Or whatever the fuck, now we're dating ourselves.

• 2:04:34Speaker 03

  But maybe, I mean, did he

• 2:04:35Stavros Halkias?

  She's 28, what's the equivalent?

• 2:04:36Speaker 03

  Call her a bitch and that's why she got it?

• 2:04:39Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that'd be an inside joke.

• 2:04:41Speaker 03

  An inside joke?

• 2:04:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, is she into being degraded sexually and like she wants to pull that while she's getting fucked, she wants to be like, oh, fucking bitch.

• 2:04:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:04:50Stavros Halkias?

  That could be cool. To me, that's an interesting application of that.

• 2:04:54Speaker 03

  Like if we were, if, if we were, you know, having this conversation right now and you pulled up your shirt and there was a, a huge Deadpool piece.

• 2:05:05Speaker 03

  I would be like, I don't know.

• 2:05:07Stavros Halkias?

  Deadpool thug life? Like I get it, front stomach, a Deadpool stomach piece where his face is my entire round's belly, that's not bad.

• 2:05:16Speaker 03

  I don't know about how I would feel about everything that came previous.

• 2:05:18Stavros Halkias?

  Right, that is true. There are, there are

• 2:05:21Speaker 03

  But you wouldn't, I don't know, but it's like hard to, to mentally, you know, make sense of that because it's like, you, you wouldn't be the same person.

• 2:05:27Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, no, no, I know what you mean, I know what you mean. But yeah, I guess, and then, I guess he, now he wants to know how to get out of this or whatever, and it's like, that's not hard.

• 2:05:35Speaker 03

  That's not hard.

• 2:05:36Stavros Halkias?

  You don't live in the same fucking town.

• 2:05:37Speaker 03

  Turn off your phone, yeah.

• 2:05:41Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 2:05:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, just be like, hey, you're great, whatever, but I, you could literally just blame it on the long distance thing.

• 2:05:49Speaker 03

  Or just get your own lip tattoo that says like, this isn't, you know, gonna work.

• 2:05:53Stavros Halkias?

  That, it's embarrassing to get tattooed here and I consider it a deal breaker. And then send her a picture of that.

• 2:06:03Stavros Halkias?

  And then be like, see, I gave, I sacrificed as well.

• 2:06:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:06:07Stavros Halkias?

  I am also hurt here and for four years I'll have to look at this.

• 2:06:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, or maybe take inventory of things like that that you have in your life. That may, that may be a deal breaker for her that she's looking beyond.

• 2:06:18Stavros Halkias?

  That's a good point.

• 2:06:19Speaker 03

  You know, just, you know, maybe it might be a way to humble yourself in a certain way and just realize that everyone is, you know, has their own quirks that may not always line up with your romantic ideals, but you know.

• 2:06:33Stavros Halkias?

  That's a great way to put, every, all of us have corny shit other people shouldn't see ever, you know what I mean? I mean, you know, stand up, doing podcasting and loving stand up are, are kind of the top for me. But I don't know, but like tattoo, you know, can we all just admit the person you're with is not gonna have, yeah, like you said, it's not gonna, not everyone lines up perfectly and there is, you know, stuff that you're not, that you don't give a fuck about. And to me, it feels like he's just kind of out here and he's pretending this is some big aha moment. When in reality, it's like, you probably are just, let's be honest, you might just be tired of being in a long distance relationship with someone, that's actually

• 2:07:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, the younger

• 2:07:13Stavros Halkias?

  Long distance relationship with someone you don't love is insane.

• 2:07:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:07:18Stavros Halkias?

  This is someone you met online, what the fuck are we talking, probably, I guess, I don't know. But it's like, an LDR has got to be with someone you fuck it like, you're like, this is so fucking annoying, but I love this person. One day we will have a beautiful relationship together in the same city. If that's not your vibe, get the fuck out, tattoo or no tattoo.

• 2:07:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, I tried that once or twice.

• 2:07:38Stavros Halkias?

  Did you?

• 2:07:38Speaker 03

  Like years ago, and it's just like, I just don't like talking on the phone.

• 2:07:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 2:07:43Speaker 03

  I just like, I, I prefer, you know, like I'm really present whenever I'm with anyone in person, you know? Like I, I really like thrive off that, but it's just like, on the phone, I'm just like,

• 2:07:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 2:07:55Speaker 03

  I don't know, I can't, like the humor doesn't work as well.

• 2:07:58Stavros Halkias?

  I know, I know.

• 2:07:59Speaker 03

  It's kind of hard, it's like I like to see people's facial expressions and stuff.

• 2:08:02Stavros Halkias?

  You know, I weirdly do like talking on the phone. I think it's from like years of commuting to do stand up and then driving on the road and like,

• 2:08:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:08:11Stavros Halkias?

  There were times in my life where I feel like, Eldest, we kept in touch in a crazy way because I had all these like two hour drives for stand up. And I would just call, I would call you, I would call Ben, I would call Straight George, I just had like, the guys that now are just in my life constantly, we used to talk all the time. And so I kind of, sometimes

• 2:08:30Speaker 03

  I can get into that.

• 2:08:31Stavros Halkias?

  And sometimes I, I had, I had like, when I was dating girls, they would be like, it was right in the sweet spot of like, me feeling like an old man, where I'd be like, I would call like a girl who's like, you know, six years younger than me on the phone, she'd be like, what are you, my fucking dad? Like I miss, FaceTime to me is weird.

• 2:08:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:08:50Stavros Halkias?

  And texting is like, I, I actually feel the way you feel about the phone about texting, I think.

• 2:08:55Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 2:08:56Stavros Halkias?

  I actually fucking despise it in a, I'm just, I don't like doing it, like if I wasn't in a couple of group chats with friends. I don't feel like that's a real connection, only when I'm really like at my laptop and almost it's instant messenger. Do I feel like I'm having a conversation with someone?

• 2:09:13Speaker 03

  Had your laptop on, on instant messenger?

• 2:09:15Stavros Halkias?

  What's up?

• 2:09:16Speaker 03

  On instant messenger on your laptop?

• 2:09:18Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, yeah, you know, when like you have fucking

• 2:09:20Speaker 03

  When you're live chatting.

• 2:09:21Stavros Halkias?

  Huh?

• 2:09:22Speaker 03

  When you're live chatting, you're shooting off messages like

• 2:09:25Stavros Halkias?

  I'm going crazy.

• 2:09:26Speaker 03

  Crazy, yeah.

• 2:09:26Stavros Halkias?

  I'm like having a real like, like it feels like AIM, opposed to iMessage, you know?

• 2:09:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:09:32Stavros Halkias?

  That's rare, that's you're on a flight or some shit, you know, like when the fuck are you ever gonna, the only times I ever had those conversations, I'm like, I'm literally on like some five hour flight and I'm like, yeah, fuck it, this person wants to keep talking to me, heats up the flight, nice.

• 2:09:43Speaker 03

  Smarter child.

• 2:09:44Stavros Halkias?

  Smarter child, the original AI, bring back smarter child.

• 2:09:48Speaker 03

  We should.

• 2:09:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that was cool to be like, so are you a fucking bitch, smarter child?

• 2:09:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, so just, yeah, design some kind of, if you want to cut it off, design some kind of like relay system where it actually puts her in touch with smarter child.

• 2:10:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 2:10:03Speaker 03

  When, when she's texting you.

• 2:10:05Stavros Halkias?

  You need an AI.

• 2:10:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:10:07Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh, that's true, you need an even bigger dramatic reveal. Go back and pretend she's never spoken to you, she's been talking to your AI, AI or your chatbot. And she'll feel like, oh, this guy doesn't know me at all. She'll feel what you're feeling with the bitch tattoo. With the fake realization that she's never spoken to you, but in reality, she has been talking to you, but you're just not listening at all because you're thinking about nutting on her.

• 2:10:32Stavros Halkias?

  And you had one brief moment of clarity for the first time and it's 16 months where you're like,

• 2:10:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:10:38Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, do I even fucking give a fuck about this lady? And the answer might be no.

• 2:10:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, this is, this is always what it took, just be glad it happened.

• 2:10:48Speaker 03

  Sooner than later.

• 2:10:49Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, well, I think that's gonna do it for us here on Stavi's World. Folks, go watch The History of Concrete.

• 2:10:56Speaker 03

  Wow, you really should, it's very good.

• 2:10:57Stavros Halkias?

  It's very, it is really fucking good. Like I said, I've seen it three times.

• 2:11:01Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 2:11:02Stavros Halkias?

  One time in theaters and sober.

• 2:11:04Speaker 03

  Wow, all right, all right, thank you.

• 2:11:06Stavros Halkias?

  But if you can't see it in theaters, go see it, it's fun as fuck. And yeah, just go to the, go to the actual theater if you're in New York.

• 2:11:12Speaker 03

  Cinema.

• 2:11:13Stavros Halkias?

  The cinema, what's the actual name of it?

• 2:11:15Speaker 03

  Low Cinema.

• 2:11:16Stavros Halkias?

  Low Cinema?

• 2:11:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, L O W, but yeah, you don't got to see it there. Uh, you know, the, the, the end will, the run will end there eventually, but uh, yeah, just go around, laugh with other people, it's a very good feeling.

• 2:11:28Stavros Halkias?

  It's very funny to think you literally found a way to make, you know, documentary comedic filmmaking into a small business. Cause you're like, eventually I will run my own film at my cinema and charge tickets for it. I mean, this is like, this is like what immigrants think getting into movies is. You buy a small cinema, you put your movies in there for free.

• 2:11:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 2:11:52Stavros Halkias?

  Like, it's very funny that you have sort of turned Ridgewood into like a village.

• 2:11:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, it is kind of like this, a kind of Ghanaian way of like, of like, uh, you know.

• 2:12:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we'll make our money back 12 bucks a pop. On matinees at my, at the cinema I own.

• 2:12:11Speaker 03

  Well, that's the thing is that, well, with Magnolia, well, I was like, I was like, when the movie was about to come out, I was like, do, I was like, do I have to pay you guys to play my own movie at my own movie theater? And they were like, like, oh, that's unprecedented. Uh, yeah.

• 2:12:26Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, those cocksuckers.

• 2:12:28Speaker 03

  So, yeah, but after the first 45 days, then we get to keep, we have to pay them like 50% or something.

• 2:12:35Stavros Halkias?

  Gotcha.

• 2:12:36Speaker 03

  For the first 45 days.

• 2:12:36Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, right. Second run movie theater type of stuff. I, did you ever grow up going to those where it's like they're playing? Yeah, I saw Stuart Little nine months after it came out.

• 2:12:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, or like Lost in Space or something.

• 2:12:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes, yes, yes.

• 2:12:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, we're kind of like that. We're trying to get some more first run stuff. I don't know. Your, your, your thing to go in theater, the, the stand up special.

• 2:12:55Stavros Halkias?

  Special? No, no.

• 2:12:55Speaker 03

  That was Netflix, right?

• 2:12:56Stavros Halkias?

  Netflix, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but you know, I don't know, I've been, I've been thinking about what does a special even mean anymore? They're so, it's like such an, it is in reality, an outdated concept where it was.

• 2:13:08Speaker 03

  I don't know. You got to call director to make it. I don't know.

• 2:13:10Stavros Halkias?

  No, I, I love it. Don't get me wrong. I'm really proud of it. And like, yes, Matt, it was awesome working with Matt. But I just mean like culturally, these things existed when you didn't have access to stand ups. When it was like, I really, and by the way, they didn't tour as much or you lived somewhere. So it's like, it was awesome to be like, whoa, Richard Pryor is going to do an hour of his best stuff and put it in movie theaters. Whereas now it's like, people are sick of their favorite comics. They, they hear me talk, three hours a week, maybe minimum, or at least an hour and a half, whatever. Then we're posting clips, then we're, I'm on everybody else's fucking podcast. You know what I mean? It's just like, it, it just makes you rethink, whereas something like putting it in theaters is interesting.

• 2:13:52Stavros Halkias?

  Or putting like a non completely finished version of it, like in communal spaces where it's like, cause if the whole point is let's get more people to see it, maybe like, I mean, yeah, anyway.

• 2:14:04Speaker 03

  I mean, I'm less interested in the idea of viewers than I am in the idea of like, just like having an optimized way to watch it.

• 2:14:15Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 2:14:15Speaker 03

  You know, just like with other people.

• 2:14:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. The communal experience is so, is very important. So it's like, yes, I guess what I'm saying, what I'm trying to get at is like, look, most people are going to see this shit online if, if left to their own devices. Or I have to go do it in person, basically. It's like,

• 2:14:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:14:33Stavros Halkias?

  The, is, is like showing stuff in theaters for maybe even free, like talking to cool indie theaters, being like, go wa, like, charge nothing.

• 2:14:44Speaker 03

  I mean, that's what we did with the Sherman, our Sherman special.

• 2:14:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 2:14:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, then we just like showed it for free.

• 2:14:48Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 2:14:49Speaker 03

  Um, I mean, we would have charged money for it, but.

• 2:14:52Stavros Halkias?

  Of course. Yeah, yeah. Legally.

• 2:14:54Speaker 03

  No, we would, like, wouldn't have made anything.

• 2:14:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, a lot of guys, some, you know, we offered soup and a use of a restroom for seven minutes with purchase, with, with signing up of every ticket to see Sarah, Sarah's special. John, thank you, brother. Thanks for doing the pod. This is fucking awesome. I can't wait. I have not checked out the, you know, who's a big fan of your cinemas are, is friend of the show, Zach Cherry.

• 2:15:22Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:15:23Stavros Halkias?

  He, he goes all the time. I've been meaning to go, I've been meaning to go, uh, check out a picture with my boy. Uh, but yeah, I'm excited, man. I.

• 2:15:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, anytime. Let me know you when you want to come. We always save tickets for the door. So I was just like, you know.

• 2:15:36Stavros Halkias?

  I will hit you up for sure.

• 2:15:37Speaker 03

  We got, we got nice seats.

• 2:15:39Stavros Halkias?

  I love the nice seats.

• 2:15:40Speaker 03

  Comfortable.

• 2:15:41Stavros Halkias?

  Comfy's big, with a bad back. I've been, I've been watching a lot of movies and I will say is, are some of our beautiful movie palaces, they need a refresh bad.

• 2:15:51Speaker 03

  They need it. They do need a refresh.

• 2:15:52Stavros Halkias?

  They need a refresh real bad.

• 2:15:54Speaker 03

  We got our seats from a strip mall church in like Ann Arbor or something.

• 2:15:58Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 2:15:59Speaker 03

  That, uh, there was like a website called seatsandchairs.com.

• 2:16:04Speaker 03

  There's the phone number. There's one guy that picks up the phone. Like, it is the most like Tim Robinson, like ass.

• 2:16:10Stavros Halkias?

  Hello?

• 2:16:11Speaker 03

  Job.

• 2:16:11Stavros Halkias?

  How many you need?

• 2:16:12Speaker 03

  How many seats or chairs do you want?

• 2:16:15Stavros Halkias?

  Now, are we doing seats or chairs today?

• 2:16:19Stavros Halkias?

  All right. So check out, uh, how, uh, check out the how to archives where John doesn't get paid. More importantly, check out the history of concrete and finally check out seatsandchairs.com.

• 2:16:33Speaker 03

  Please do, yeah.

• 2:16:34Stavros Halkias?

  If you're looking for a movie theater seat or a bench, it sounds like they got you covered.

• 2:16:38Speaker 03

  If that's the one thing that's stopping you from opening your own theater, this guy's got you covered.

• 2:16:42Stavros Halkias?

  That guy's got you covered. We'll see you next time, guys. Oh, and I get, no, we're done plugging the special. It's over. We'll see you next time. Bye.

• 2:16:49Speaker 03

  See the special.

• 2:16:49Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you.

• 2:16:59Stavros Halkias?

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