#193 - Chris Distefano

Chris Distefano returns to the pod to discuss his search for meaning, his neverending desire to move into a new house, being sensitive in Long Island, being a nerdy cuck at heart, fabricating stories about himself as a defense mechanism, and much more. Chris and Stav help callers including a freshly single 38-year-old trying to decide between a 41-year-old and a 21-year-old he’s dating, and a guy who’s getting annoyed that his buddy is bringing random girls he’s dating to their regular movie nights. See Chris Distefano live and follow him on social media: https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ https://www.facebook.com/chrisdcomedy/ https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ https://www.tiktok.com/@chrisdcomedy https://www.youtube.com/c/chrisdcomedy https://patreon.com/chrisdcomedy Thanks to our sponsors! Visible - https://www.visible.com/ SWITCH NOW! Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations Keep It Twisted!! Chubbies - Get 20% off with code STAVVY at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/stavvy Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/wyx330el #CashAppPod Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N. A., pursuant to a license from Visa U. S. A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and Bancorp debit flex card. Cash App Green features, Savings, Direct deposit, Round ups, Overdraft coverage and Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  How do you want to split it?

• 0:01Speaker 01

  Actually, dinner's on me.

• 0:02Speaker 00

  Okay, big money.

• 0:03Speaker 01

  Well, I got a Venmo balance that I can spend with my Venmo debit MasterCard, so.

• 0:08Speaker 00

  Well, I Venmo'd you three times last week, so it's kinda on me, actually.

• 0:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, you send it, I spend it.

• 0:13Speaker 00

  Did my money get reincarnated?

• 0:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's chicken shawarma. Want it back?

• 0:18Speaker 00

  I can't believe you ate my Venmo.

• 0:21Speaker 01

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• 0:30Speaker 02

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• 0:57Speaker 03

  Prices and participation may vary while supplies last. Taxes, fees, extra.

• 1:01Stavros Halkias?

  Papa! Welcome, everybody, to Stavvy's World. 904-800-Stav. Call the Visible hotline, bud. Call the Stavvy's World hotline, presented by Visible. Keep it in. We love Visible. We use our office line as visible, and they have sponsored the Stavvy hotline. And today, in a little bit, about 40 minutes, 45 minutes, me and my good pal Chris DiStefano are gonna be taking calls on the hotline. Chrissy D, thanks for coming.

• 1:27Speaker 05

  I love it, dude. Shout out Visible. You can suck it.

• 1:32Stavros Halkias?

  Bleep that out. I believe they're also a sponsor.

• 1:34Speaker 05

  Oh, they are? Sorry about that.

• 1:39Stavros Halkias?

  And they're not that connected. It's a weird thing to say "suck it" to.

• 1:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, I probably shouldn't have said that, but hey, you know what, dude? I'm having fun in here and I'm just letting it rip.

• 1:47Stavros Halkias?

  That's what it's about.

• 1:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:48Stavros Halkias?

  It feels so, you know, something feels right about being with you in the summer, man.

• 1:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:53Stavros Halkias?

  We had such a beaut- this is a Summer Bears reunion.

• 1:55Speaker 05

  And it's one of those things where, you know, Tom has been public.

• 1:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, there's not much to talk about when it comes to the Bears right now.

• 2:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, Tom's been very public, and I said, and I, and I'm good friends with Tom, and I just texted him, you know, checking in, you know, "Hope everything's good with the divorce, blah, blah, blah, blah." And then I said, "Hey, man, dude..."

• 2:13Stavros Halkias?

  Who's your guy?

• 2:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:15Stavros Halkias?

  You're like, "Where are you hiding your money?" Because I'm getting, the reason, I've been thinking, the reason you probably took so long to get married is because you were figuring out opening up accounts in the Cayman Islands.

• 2:25Speaker 05

  Yes, yeah. And the thing is, it just takes a little while because my father does have a criminal background. So, the Cayman Islands were just a little slow, but we did officially get it done, and it feels like...

• 2:34Stavros Halkias?

  And on paper, you're on food stamp.

• 2:37Speaker 05

  Oh, dude, it's amazing, bro. It's amazing. I mean, yeah, dude. And so I asked Tom, I said, I said, you know, "Dude, Stavros, you know, I know he's home now, he's been in the movies, but..." So I said, "We can kinda, if you want to..." "Summer Bears if you need," and Tom's response was, "Not happening this summer." So it's just one of those things where I think Tom is saying, "You know what? I made a clip of the divorce."

• 2:59Stavros Halkias?

  I think, let them finish all their legal proceedings before they put up, they learned their lesson.

• 3:05Speaker 05

  Right, yeah, yeah.

• 3:06Stavros Halkias?

  Trusting two fucking idiots like us to take over their million-dollar property.

• 3:11Speaker 05

  Well, I know, I asked Tom once, Tom was like, I was like, "How you liking Summer Bears or Winter Bears?" He's like, "Dude, I love it." He was like, "And I love it because the first 30 minutes of seemingly every episode is just you two shitting on Burt."

• 3:24Speaker 05

  So he was like, "Burt kind of just," he was like, "I watched Burt just kind of taking all this in about how the comedy scene really feels about him." And then he said, "It's just, it's fun for me to watch Burt."

• 3:33Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course.

• 3:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:34Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, smart for Tom, because this would have been his summer.

• 3:36Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 3:37Stavros Halkias?

  This would have been the summer that Tom's in the crosshairs. That's why he's the shrewdest between the two of them.

• 3:42Speaker 05

  Let me tell you something right now. Out of all the people we know, we know, now we know a lot of people who are making real money, and we're at the point now, we've been doing this so long, where it's like, we've watched our peers become moguls. Some of them become moguls, and it's just one of those things where, but Tom, out of all of them, is the shrewdest. Like, Tom is one of those guys, when I was talking to Tom once, I did a show with him, I opened up for him at the freaking United Center, right? Killed whatever, and then immediately after, you know, I was like, "How'd you like the show?" Tom was like, "Oh, it was great." Within five seconds, somebody came up to him with a clipboard and was going over the F and B, the merchandise, the food and beverage, the merchandise, and basically the profit in, the numbers in, numbers out.

• 4:22Stavros Halkias?

  See, respect, but I didn't do comedy, do gay shit like that. That sucks. I think the business, the like, comedians becoming businessmen sucks. That's not who the fuck we are. We're not smart, and we're not business guys.

• 4:38Speaker 05

  That's why Christina wanted the divorce.

• 4:40Stavros Halkias?

  Why can't we just be fun? Look, I don't wanna, I will not, no conjecture here, those are actual friends of ours going through a public divorce. I do not envy them.

• 4:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:51Stavros Halkias?

  But look, I will say, everyone's looking at it from the, "Oh, guy gets, guy get..."

• 4:56Speaker 05

  Rich and hot, yeah.

• 4:58Stavros Halkias?

  "He divorced." Do you think it's fu- who do you think it's more fun to be married to? A fun fat guy or a guy on peptides?

• 5:05Speaker 05

  Right.

• 5:05Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean?

• 5:06Speaker 05

  Right.

• 5:06Stavros Halkias?

  If you had to pick, in your old age, like, that's what I'm banking on.

• 5:10Speaker 05

  Hundred percent.

• 5:10Stavros Halkias?

  For me, the, like, the prime of my life, I've known since I was a boy, is gonna be my 40s.

• 5:18Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:18Stavros Halkias?

  As a child, you would look at me and you're like, "That child should be bald, obese..."

• 5:24Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 5:25Stavros Halkias?

  "...with a bad back, and that will be the prime of his life."

• 5:28Speaker 05

  That will be the-

• 5:28Stavros Halkias?

  That was my, you could see it in my face. Like, this is who I was always meant to be.

• 5:32Speaker 05

  No, any girl out there listening, just know, if you want to get the best fucking of your life from Stavros, it's right now. Because as you're losing weight and getting healthier, it's gonna get shittier and shittier. But right now, you can pipe something with the bad back.

• 5:45Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you're right. It's, my life depends.

• 5:47Speaker 05

  Dude, I guarantee you, the best, the best sex you ever had is when you had no teeth. When you had, when you were missing your two front teeth, you were probably piping girls because you knew how hard you had to work for it.

• 5:56Stavros Halkias?

  That is true. All I had, I was like, I was like, "Look, I've sort of, I have, I won't say tricked, that's a legal connotation."

• 6:05Speaker 05

  I was gonna say that, that, yeah.

• 6:06Stavros Halkias?

  But not tricked. Everything was above board, and it was full, everyone was happy to be there. But I'll say this, I think many women that I hooked up with when I was toothless were very surprised that I, that I, that like, my, I had charm. They see a toothless guy and they're like, "This is, you know, you know what I'm saying?" I fucked a lot of girls who were like, "This is fun."

• 6:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:28Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean?

• 6:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:29Stavros Halkias?

  Like, "I'll never do this again."

• 6:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, like, because you were the guy-

• 6:31Stavros Halkias?

  It's like me going salsa dancing.

• 6:33Speaker 05

  Right.

• 6:33Stavros Halkias?

  "I'll try it once, I'll have a good time, I'm never doing it again."

• 6:36Speaker 05

  I dabble.

• 6:36Stavros Halkias?

  A lot of girls fucked me back then, and still to this day, as a fun, and like, huh.

• 6:41Speaker 05

  Well, I mean, think about the point of view from, you know, the women that you were having sex with, like some hot yoga chick, you know, the next day hits the group chat, and the girl's like, "How was your night last?" And she's like, "I fucked a toothless fat guy."

• 6:51Stavros Halkias?

  And exactly, if you're bad at fucking, basically what I'm saying is, you have earned, it's like, it's like, it's like being a, like a kid from a disadvantaged background, and you have a criminal record, right? And you're trying to get into college, you're like, "I know my grades aren't great, and I know I had a shady past, but you will not regret it if you give me a chance." If that kid goes and fails and robs, you know, steals a box of Uncrustables from the cafeteria,

• 7:17Speaker 05

  Right.

• 7:17Stavros Halkias?

  He's going to jail. If, basically, as a fat toothless broke, also broke back then, like, come down, was starting to make money, but I wasn't, you know, I had, I wasn't like, you know, I couldn't just be like, flex with cash, right? I had enough to take you on a nice date, but everything I had going for me, if, if I then am bad at fucking, then, then they're gonna be like, "Biggest mistake of my fucking," they're gonna be pissed, but if I'm good at fucking, they're like, "Hey, that was a fun little experience."

• 7:45Speaker 05

  Hell, yeah.

• 7:46Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking that toothless guy who's, "Well, my clit fit in the gap in his teeth."

• 7:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:50Stavros Halkias?

  He could just gum my pussy for a little-

• 7:52Speaker 05

  And now, and now, and now, cut to that hot chick, like, she's married three years later, and, you know, her husband takes her to go see Tony. And then, she's, he's looking like, "Look at this fat fucker," and then she's like, "Yeah, no, ew."

• 8:04Stavros Halkias?

  You know what? That is really funny, because they probably are, that's gonna be tough, especially if these guys were like, Come Town fans or something.

• 8:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:12Stavros Halkias?

  Because those guys all hate, like, not all, the ones that have stuck with me are the best, like, people who are with you from the time you're 25, and have been with you at every incarnation, those are, I love you guys so much, but there is a nice contingent that blames me for steal, take, in their minds, they see it as I have destroyed the one thing they loved.

• 8:30Speaker 05

  Got it.

• 8:30Stavros Halkias?

  Right? And if one of those, if I happen to have fucked one of those guys, the lady he ends up marrying, if that comes out, that could be really devastating, and don't tell them, girls.

• 8:41Speaker 05

  Right.

• 8:41Stavros Halkias?

  Never tell, it's not worth it.

• 8:43Speaker 05

  That actually would be one of those moments where it's like, you fear for your safety, like, you gotta know how to defend yourself.

• 8:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, I didn't even fuck some guy's current wife, it's just, I fucked some guy's now-wife seven years ago, and I still think, if it's the right guy, that's a big problem.

• 8:58Speaker 05

  That actually happened to me once. I was at a show, I think it was at the Charlotte Comedy Zone, shout out to Charlotte Comedy Zone, which I will be returning to in November.

• 9:05Stavros Halkias?

  We did the even shittier one, the Greensboro Comedy Zone, and I had a blast. Shout out to them. And you know you're, listen, it is just shitty, let's, let's not, it's in the B, I could, you could see the BP. Like, it like, there is no, you could see the parking lot you're in.

• 9:20Speaker 05

  Right.

• 9:21Stavros Halkias?

  In the thing, and it was, it was clearly like a, it used to be like a, like a stone store, like they sold like bricks or some shit?

• 9:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 9:28Stavros Halkias?

  And so they had, they had like hilarious, like beautiful stonework, masonry around it, and clearly this used to be a showroom for tiles.

• 9:37Speaker 05

  Right.

• 9:37Stavros Halkias?

  But they didn't, they didn't change the decor, and literally the owner, who was the man, working the fryer.

• 9:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 9:43Stavros Halkias?

  The owner was making pizzas, working the fryer, and kind of like checking on us in the green.

• 9:48Speaker 05

  I've never had the privilege or the honor, but hopefully my agent's listening.

• 9:51Stavros Halkias?

  It was, yeah.

• 9:52Speaker 05

  That's where we want to go next, right after we do the Sacramento Punchline, which is above that mattress store.

• 9:56Stavros Halkias?

  Somebody brought a babe, oh, yes, the, yeah, sorry to step on that, yes. I love, that's a great club.

• 10:01Speaker 05

  That is a great club.

• 10:02Stavros Halkias?

  It is above a mattress store, although you know what's weird about that? And listen, I work at a lot of Live Nation venues, why is Live Nation buying comedy clubs?

• 10:10Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 10:10Stavros Halkias?

  That sucks. Listen-

• 10:13Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think we should have, I think there should be, it's so funny because people talk about capitalism is good. The version of American capitalism we have is just like a company gets successful and now they just buy everything.

• 10:23Speaker 05

  Right.

• 10:23Stavros Halkias?

  And it's like, I've had a great time working with Live Nation, but I would love if they had two competitors, like

• 10:27Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 10:28Stavros Halkias?

  More, five competitors, right?

• 10:29Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 10:30Stavros Halkias?

  Or just that, no company should own every anything.

• 10:34Speaker 05

  Right.

• 10:34Stavros Halkias?

  Especially not every art venue. And so, and look, the big theaters, that's one thing, but a comedy, like, it's above a fucking mattress.

• 10:41Speaker 05

  Come on.

• 10:42Stavros Halkias?

  You need this Live Nation?

• 10:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:44Stavros Halkias?

  There's a fish restaurant I can smell next door.

• 10:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, you own Madison Square Garden.

• 10:49Stavros Halkias?

  I believe that's your boy Dolan.

• 10:50Speaker 05

  Oh, that is, that is. But Live Nation is, they're in with Madison. Aren't they, like, the official MSG buyer?

• 10:56Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you know what? You're probably right.

• 10:57Speaker 05

  I thought they were.

• 10:58Stavros Halkias?

  But I just know they have a bunch of awesome, MSG owns like every awesome, shout out to Radio City. I did Radio City this year. That was fucking awesome. You did the, the theater.

• 11:06Speaker 05

  At MSG, yeah. I did Radio City in 2023. It was one of those moments where I did, I did Radio City Friday, Theater at MSG Saturday.

• 11:14Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 11:15Speaker 05

  And I felt like, literally like the king of the world.

• 11:18Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, that's incredible.

• 11:18Speaker 05

  Yes. And then, you know, systematically, year by year, it's, it's just went like this.

• 11:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 11:24Speaker 05

  But I can feel myself getting back up.

• 11:26Stavros Halkias?

  Can I ask you a question, though? Do you have to get back up? For real, for real.

• 11:31Speaker 05

  Never thought about.

• 11:32Stavros Halkias?

  You, what you're describing is two of the most iconic venues in New York. You sold it, you sold, that's 10,000 tickets.

• 11:38Speaker 05

  It was, yeah.

• 11:40Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking ridiculous.

• 11:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:42Stavros Halkias?

  And to do that once, you did it. I think, like this.

• 11:45Speaker 05

  It's a good point.

• 11:46Stavros Halkias?

  It's, it's sort of like the, the Pat Riley, what is, I think what is striking comedy right now is the Pat Riley idea, which popular, I, I've heard Bill Simmons, I'm not gonna sit here and pretend I lis-

• 11:56Speaker 05

  By the way, Pat Riley, 1990s Pat Riley Knicks, every single one of our mothers wanted to fuck him.

• 12:01Stavros Halkias?

  A hundred percent. I, I, I had to fuck him. Like, if you showed me a picture of that guy, now he was so suave.

• 12:05Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:06Stavros Halkias?

  Like, if you could, he looked so good in a fucking suit. Um, the disease of more is his idea. It's like, once you win a championship, like, uh, again, I'm just parroting Bill Simmons, who was quoting Pat Riley here. Once you win a championship, even role players, like, it gets their head, right? And look, I think we're both funny guys.

• 12:25Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 12:26Stavros Halkias?

  We're, we're calm, we're, we're at the, at the top of stand-up, but we're role players.

• 12:30Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 12:30Stavros Halkias?

  Or do we have to be, do we have to be MJ? We're not.

• 12:33Speaker 05

  No.

• 12:34Stavros Halkias?

  Malaney, Shane.

• 12:35Speaker 05

  Do it.

• 12:36Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, you guys fucking, you guys keep playing arenas.

• 12:39Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 12:39Stavros Halkias?

  Um, I would lo-, I actually kind of want my career to stop going this much.

• 12:43Speaker 05

  Interesting.

• 12:44Stavros Halkias?

  I would love to just play, it's a blessing to play 2,000 seaters.

• 12:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 12:49Stavros Halkias?

  Did you ever in your wildest dreams, when your fucking dad is, you know, putting, putting, uh, putting bets on the Mets?

• 12:55Speaker 05

  Yeah, when, when my mom is smuggling me in the back of an Amtrak car to get away from my father, who's wanted by the mafia, and I'm, I'm living the first six months of my life in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. No, I never dreamed that I'd even sell out Gotham Comedy Club.

• 13:08Stavros Halkias?

  I was like, one day I'll do a Thursday at McGooey's. And now I'm playing the Chicago Theater, I'm playing MSG. I don't fucking deserve this.

• 13:16Speaker 05

  Right.

• 13:16Stavros Halkias?

  Our heroes, the people we looked up to, they never, better comics than us.

• 13:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:21Stavros Halkias?

  Never played theaters the way we did. We just got lucky.

• 13:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:25Stavros Halkias?

  We're in the era of $200 million guaranteed contracts.

• 13:28Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 13:28Stavros Halkias?

  And they were in the era of fucking Converse's and flying.

• 13:31Speaker 05

  Good point.

• 13:32Stavros Halkias?

  Right? Like, legends played comedy clubs, and look, we play comedy clubs a lot, too, but they played, they might have done a theater once or tw- Like, somebody was telling me a story where it's like, Ray Romano, when he, maybe it was even you.

• 13:43Speaker 05

  I did. I was just gonna bring him up. Ray Romano, I was at, with him at the Comedy Cellar once, great guy, obviously legendary comic, you know, made tons of money.

• 13:52Stavros Halkias?

  And a great guy, like, I think people forget comic, I don't know him as a guy, he probably, she seems like a great guy. I think people forget because he's so, and he became sneakily, crazily a great actor, like, imagine Martin Scorsese didn't know who he was.

• 14:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:05Stavros Halkias?

  And he just liked him as an actor for The Irishman, and he was great in it.

• 14:09Speaker 05

  Great.

• 14:09Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, Romano might have the be-, in terms of the best lives.

• 14:13Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:14Stavros Halkias?

  I think it might be him.

• 14:15Speaker 05

  Ray Romano.

• 14:16Stavros Halkias?

  Even Sandler, who's the man, he's so famous.

• 14:19Speaker 05

  Right.

• 14:20Stavros Halkias?

  And he, and, and, and like, he's figured out making movies with your friends, but Ray Romano, dude, great comic, legendary sitcom at a time where if you have a sitcom, you are richer than God.

• 14:31Speaker 05

  No, dude, Ray Romano, to this day, is still getting, I would assume, checks from Everybody Loves Raymond for millions and millions of dollars.

• 14:37Stavros Halkias?

  Elvis' entire Albanian family would, would, would huddle up against the fucking TV and watch Ray every, every must-see TV.

• 14:44Speaker 06

  We loved Everybody Loves Raymond.

• 14:45Speaker 05

  Watching it live from a dirt hut.

• 14:50Stavros Halkias?

  They saved up the electricity for the week, just to watch an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, no hot water.

• 14:55Speaker 06

  I interviewed Brad Garrett at my old job one time for some show he was doing, and he was like, I was like, oh, I just gotta tell you before we start, my family loved Everybody Loves Raymond. One Thanksgiving, we like binged a marathon of it for 10 hours. He was like, was your TV broken?

• 15:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I'm sure he loved hearing that.

• 15:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, but you know what, dude? He, Ray Romano.

• 15:15Stavros Halkias?

  He's, he's probably there promoting some indie movie where he's trying to like make a pivoted drama.

• 15:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:20Stavros Halkias?

  And Elvis is like, I loved when you played the fat, or the, the big dumb older brother.

• 15:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. Is there a way, is there a way that you can, uh, you know, put me in touch with Ray? That's my life, too. It's like, somebody would come up to me and be like, dude, I'm such a big fan, I love you. Can you get me Sal Volcano's info? I loved Hey Babe. And, and so, and so.

• 15:40Stavros Halkias?

  But I'm sorry.

• 15:40Speaker 05

  But with Ray, so, so we're seeing at Comedy Cellar, and he goes, uh, and he said, you know, all this thing, and he started mentioning ticket sales. And he said, you know, at the height, at the height of Everybody Loves Raymond, the most tickets he ever sold was the Beacon Theater, which is 2,000 seats, which is, was an amazing, and still is amazing, but now it's like.

• 15:57Stavros Halkias?

  And, and I'm gonna say this, and it's gonna sound like I'm bragging, but what I'm saying is this is an injustice. I sold out the Beacon three times.

• 16:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:04Stavros Halkias?

  I am not a better comic, and I do not deserve that in the way Ray Romano did.

• 16:09Speaker 05

  Right.

• 16:09Stavros Halkias?

  And comedy needs to be, uh, we, we literally need to, it's getting to the point where I'm like, tax even us.

• 16:15Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 16:16Stavros Halkias?

  Like, not even.

• 16:16Speaker 05

  Well, I'm not, I don't condone that.

• 16:20Stavros Halkias?

  I'm just saying, man, do we really deserve this shit?

• 16:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 16:23Stavros Halkias?

  We're fucking stupid.

• 16:24Speaker 05

  No, dude, I'm telling you.

• 16:25Stavros Halkias?

  We're dumb as shit.

• 16:26Speaker 05

  I'm telling you, Yanis always tells me, Yanis has this thing where he's like, the thing about our lives as, you know, podcasters and doing stand-up is, it's such a dream, it's such a good, that you have to tell yourself. You have to convince yourself that you don't have any of these real problems that you think you have. You're just literally getting paid to make people laugh, and it should become like, almost effortless to you. He was like, so, don't get in your head like this and that, like, he, he thinks it's even better than being an athlete, because like, athletes, you got your body, you're on the road all the time. He was like, us, it's like, you're using your mind, it's different.

• 16:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we don't, we really don't deserve it at all.

• 16:58Speaker 05

  We don't deserve it. And Ray Romano, too, he's a funny guy. I was at a, I was at a Knicks game with him once, and he was wearing a Jets shirt. And somebody in like the back room was like, you're wearing a Jets shirt to a Knicks game? And he was like, yeah, I'm Ray Romano.

• 17:12Stavros Halkias?

  And I was laughing your cock on the table, Ray.

• 17:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:15Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck that bitch.

• 17:16Speaker 05

  Nice, dude.

• 17:16Stavros Halkias?

  And I was like, hell, yeah.

• 17:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 17:18Stavros Halkias?

  Good for you, Ray. He's the man. Dream guest. Elvis, we need to do, we should do a Patreon where we like, we've put our fucking list of dream guests, because Ray is way up there.

• 17:27Speaker 05

  And he's by close, I mean, he'll come on this pod no problem. I mean.

• 17:30Stavros Halkias?

  Rosie O'Donnell, big one for me.

• 17:31Speaker 05

  Do you come to the Comedy Cellar? I don't, I haven't been to the Comedy Cellar in a while, but you go?

• 17:35Stavros Halkias?

  I can't wait. I'm gonna, my plan, I, I'm, I'm very, I have nothing after this, you know, the special comes out next month, September 8th, guys. Tony is out in New York this week, New York and LA this week. Tires comes out next week, it's the summer of stuff.

• 17:50Speaker 05

  Come on, dude.

• 17:51Stavros Halkias?

  But, once all that is over, and I'm gonna promote the fuck out of my special, because I really believe in it, and I worked really hard on it, and we got Matt Johnson to direct it, uh, who's the fucking man. Uh, once that's done, though, I, I was gonna go to Greece, but I decided like, it's gonna end in around October.

• 18:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:08Stavros Halkias?

  The best city in the world to be in, in October, November, is New York. The fall in New York is unbelievable.

• 18:13Speaker 05

  The best.

• 18:14Stavros Halkias?

  So I'm basically just gonna be a tourist here and do stand-up for fun, dude.

• 18:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:17Stavros Halkias?

  Just go up and, and, and not try and work on anything, not worry about, oh, a special, oh, I need, I need fucking clips. I'm just gonna go have fun, eat, eat the wings that took my tooth, because the Comedy Cellar.

• 18:29Speaker 05

  Is that true? Did you break your tooth?

• 18:31Stavros Halkias?

  I was watching Mark Norman run his hour at the Fat Black Pussycat, and I cracked my fucking tooth. And this is when I was fucking broke, dude.

• 18:39Speaker 05

  Right.

• 18:40Stavros Halkias?

  This is before, this was like the very early days of Come Town, where it was like shit was not going good, right?

• 18:45Speaker 05

  Right.

• 18:46Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, and I could, I didn't have a dentist, I had to go to my mom. I cracked the tooth, or actually, you know what? The tooth cracked because. Uh, what it had started bothering me before I even moved to New York. It was in Baltimore the year before I moved and I went to my mom. My mom just had a dentist who was like a nice guy that just did cash root canals.

• 19:07Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 19:07Stavros Halkias?

  You know, in between his real paying customers and

• 19:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:11Stavros Halkias?

  Nice guy and everything. He fucked my root canal up.

• 19:13Speaker 05

  I mean, cash root canals, yeah.

• 19:14Stavros Halkias?

  Cash root canal. That's something I would like a paper trail for.

• 19:17Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:18Stavros Halkias?

  That's something that it's like, you know, I don't want, I don't want someone to squeeze me in on a root canal. I would really like him to have his full attention on my, on my front tooth's root canal, right?

• 19:28Speaker 05

  Makes sense.

• 19:29Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, but I cracked it literally watching Mark, um, run his hour or something. And yeah, it was on the, it was the olive tree's wings.

• 19:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:37Stavros Halkias?

  And they're, I think they're the best wings in the city.

• 19:39Speaker 05

  They are.

• 19:40Stavros Halkias?

  And the best ranch, by the way, or blue, I don't even know what it is. It's some kind of ranch, blue cheese hybrid, perhaps?

• 19:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:46Stavros Halkias?

  The, the, what the, the Comedy Cellar has better wings and ranch than they do comedy. And that's not even shitting on the comedy. That's how good the wings are.

• 19:55Speaker 05

  They are. I mean, there's, there, there are multiple people that only go to the Olive Tree Cafe, which is above the Comedy Cellar that go there for the wings and only find out years into them going that there's a comedy club downstairs.

• 20:05Stavros Halkias?

  I would have, if I didn't do comedy, I would have been one of those people. I promise you. This episode is brought to you by Visible. The smartest upgrade this season isn't in your phone. It's a better wireless plan. Switch to Visible, the ultimate wireless hack. You get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon. We have Visible here at Stavi Baby Enterprises. We love it. We just got a new assistant. She loves it. She's taking all our sushi orders. They're going through the Visible network brought to you by Verizon. It's fast, it's reliable, it's so sick. They sponsor the Stavies World hotline, as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out. Oh my God, they're the best. Switch today at visible.com. The Visible plan starts at $25 a month

• 20:47Stavros Halkias?

  or get the premium Visible Plus Pro plan and save $10 on your first month with promo code STAV. Terms apply. Oh baby, the fall, October, a chill in the air. The leaves are turning. Your body's all messed up. It's dark outside, fast. You're getting off. You gotta switch from summer to the fall? That's where your AG1 routine earns its spot. It's not fixing your sleep or your alarm time. It's giving your body what it needs so the dark mornings don't tank you before you even start. One scoop cold water every morning before anything else. AG1 Next Gen has 75 plus ingredients, including vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics. And you're not gonna believe this, superfoods.

• 21:32Stavros Halkias?

  It's backed by four separate gold standard clinical trials and specifically formulated to support immune defense so you could stay ahead of the season. I'm loving AG1. You know, I'm back in, I'm back at it with the health. Stavi Gets Rip is coming back. AG1 is now, now they're a nice building block to me. Keep checking back, folks. Let's see how it's going. I'm feeling more energetic. I'm ready to go. And I will say, other little vitamin, I've tried a lot of stuff. The taste of AG1 is pretty delectable while you're getting healthy. Go to drinkag1.com/stavi and for a limited time, get a free immune support bundle, including a bottle of omega three fish oil and a bottle of vitamin D3K2

• 22:16Stavros Halkias?

  with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/stavi. Um, uh, and, uh, anyway, so, um, I cracked it there. What the fuck was I talking about?

• 22:29Speaker 05

  We were talking about your teeth. We were talking about, um, what else?

• 22:33Stavros Halkias?

  So I'm off the Zepi. My mom came to visit and I had to take her, I had to take her to get some beautiful meals.

• 22:39Speaker 05

  Where'd you take her?

• 22:40Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, I took her to get some Chinese, uh, uh, it was pretty good. But she like, she wanted to do the traditional New York shit. So we, we didn't get the line that she came on a weekend, the line at Katz's was too long. But we went to, um, Russ and Daughters, which is

• 22:54Speaker 05

  I've never been there.

• 22:55Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, the best lox and ba, the best bagel lox in the city, I would say.

• 22:59Speaker 05

  Interesting.

• 22:59Stavros Halkias?

  Cause they have very high, they have many different types of high quality smoked salmon. So my mom got the gravlax, I got the pastrami. They have a loin, they have a fatty.

• 23:08Speaker 05

  Right.

• 23:08Stavros Halkias?

  A loin cut. They have different smoke, different levels of

• 23:12Speaker 05

  See, smoked salmon and cream cheese, I've only, again, recently gotten into. And I do like it because again, I'm from a place called Ridgewood, Queens, which is mostly German immigrants. So at that time, any type of lox and cream cheese was just referred to as Jew shit.

• 23:25Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 23:25Speaker 05

  So, so now that I'm out of that and the fog is cleared of that and I'm more cultured, I realized that lox and cream cheese on a bagel is maybe one of the best things you can eat in your life.

• 23:33Stavros Halkias?

  It's so fucking good, but it did fuck my stomach up. And when, and I was fresh off, it was the first day of Zep. You can't get, you shouldn't do

• 23:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:41Stavros Halkias?

  fatty fish and creamy cheeses.

• 23:43Speaker 05

  On day one, Zepi.

• 23:44Stavros Halkias?

  Day one of the Zep.

• 23:45Speaker 05

  What milligrams are you up to now?

• 23:47Stavros Halkias?

  I'm at a, I'm at a nice 10.

• 23:48Speaker 05

  Wow. So you're pumping, are you doing the, uh, those quick pens or are you just loading it up?

• 23:53Stavros Halkias?

  Quick pen.

• 23:54Speaker 05

  Stomach?

• 23:54Stavros Halkias?

  I haven't, stomach.

• 23:55Speaker 05

  Yeah, dude.

• 23:56Stavros Halkias?

  Stomach. Check out Uncle Stav. There might be some material about my journey with Zepbound.

• 24:00Speaker 05

  So when you Zep, and I mean, 10 milligrams, now you're pushing that thing in for like 20 seconds, right? Like it's slower? Do you just light it, let it?

• 24:06Stavros Halkias?

  I think you just light it up.

• 24:07Speaker 05

  Light it up, let it go.

• 24:08Stavros Halkias?

  It's not like more liquid. It's just more medicine. It's a more, it's a better

• 24:12Speaker 05

  Right. 10 milligrams though, do you've noticed that like day one, day two, it's, it's really working and then it starts to fade?

• 24:18Stavros Halkias?

  All of it starts, the way this shit works is it hits you like a fucking brick wall. Actually, it takes like four hours to kick in, in my experience, four, five, maybe even six hours.

• 24:27Speaker 05

  Well, you know, at this point, you know, it's like, oh, Zepi hit me.

• 24:30Stavros Halkias?

  I know the, I know the rhythms. Typically, it hits me the most, kind of, let's say 30 hours, 30, 30 to 36 hours after is when it's the, it gets you the most. Like I've been sick. Cause if you eat, cause the, the thing I've learned, and I definitely ate through it for months.

• 24:48Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 24:49Stavros Halkias?

  If you overdo it day, cause there's a, you do it and there's like four hours before it hits you. And if you, like a moron, eat like shit during those four hours, all the junk food you ate, you binged basically, cause at the end, the end of your last shot, the second the fucking medicine kicks in.

• 25:07Speaker 05

  Right.

• 25:07Stavros Halkias?

  They're like, oh, you wanted, oh, you wanted fucking pizza and wings at 2 a.m. buddy? You used diarrhea for a whole day and you're gonna burp those disgusting like

• 25:15Speaker 05

  Sulfur burps.

• 25:16Stavros Halkias?

  Sulfur burps, yeah.

• 25:17Speaker 05

  And because

• 25:17Stavros Halkias?

  Which I've gotten over, thank God, because I've learned.

• 25:19Speaker 05

  Right.

• 25:20Stavros Halkias?

  I honestly, it's like, you ever play like, this is such a bad analogy, but like, uh, like a, like, like, uh, solids, Metal Gear Solid, where you have to sneak around?

• 25:30Speaker 05

  Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 25:31Stavros Halkias?

  And like, or even like a James Bond, like 007, where it's like the guard walks down the hallway.

• 25:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:37Stavros Halkias?

  And when there's like a moment where the guard like turns his back, that you could like,

• 25:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:41Stavros Halkias?

  sneak to your objective. Day seven of the shot.

• 25:45Speaker 05

  Right.

• 25:45Stavros Halkias?

  Like the day before you take the shot, that's the guard is all the way at the other end of the hallway.

• 25:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:50Stavros Halkias?

  And that's where you'd be like

• 25:53Stavros Halkias?

  and just fucking go crazy and eat like an animal.

• 25:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:55Stavros Halkias?

  But if you don't stop, if you do it a little too long and the guard turns his back and he catches you.

• 26:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:01Stavros Halkias?

  You are gonna be shitting your brains out. You're gonna be throwing up.

• 26:04Speaker 05

  Well, cause it, yeah, it's, it's that slows gastric emptying. So like that food that would have normally, I mean, went out of you in 90 miles an hour shit and then you're done is now

• 26:13Stavros Halkias?

  You get the radar gun, come at my, you point my ass at the radar gun.

• 26:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:17Stavros Halkias?

  It's, it's

• 26:18Speaker 05

  You don't even have to wipe.

• 26:18Stavros Halkias?

  Randy Johnson destroying the bird.

• 26:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, just

• 26:21Stavros Halkias?

  That's, that's the fucking velocity I'm shitting at without Zepbound.

• 26:24Speaker 05

  Without Zepbound, but, but so, but I think, you know, the, the, cause what happened with me, what I, see, cause the, I, I, I took it. I took a couple of Zepis. I took, I tried a little Zepbound and it

• 26:34Stavros Halkias?

  You dipped your toes.

• 26:35Speaker 05

  I dipped my toes in it and

• 26:37Stavros Halkias?

  You're looking good, by the way.

• 26:38Speaker 05

  Thank you, baby. And, and so, and so I had, I had stopped it. I had taken, I was taking the Red A True Tide, which I, I told you on Chrissy Chaos podcast, that that's like the triple Agnes. That's like the crazy one. That's like not street legal yet.

• 26:51Stavros Halkias?

  And where did you find about, find out about this?

• 26:53Speaker 05

  That, that, the algorithm. I just started talking to ChatGPT every day and you, you know, Instagram's just always listening to you. So then it just started pumping me all these meatheads that, but then it started, which at first

• 27:04Stavros Halkias?

  You talked to ChatGPT.

• 27:05Speaker 05

  Well, the meatheads at first were telling me about Red A True Tide on Instagram, but I was like, I don't believe them. But then jacked, actual medical doctor started talking about Red A True Tide on Instagram. So I said, now I'm in. I know.

• 27:15Stavros Halkias?

  I don't like a jacked doctor.

• 27:17Speaker 05

  No.

• 27:17Stavros Halkias?

  Something about it, I don't like my doctors, the extremes, right? Uh, the little muscle that's fine.

• 27:24Speaker 05

  Right.

• 27:24Stavros Halkias?

  Don't, don't send me a guy that looks like Sam Sulek.

• 27:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 27:27Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Don't, don't send me a doctor that's like So your blood type's looking a little, and look, I know you guys, I'm fat as shit. Who is he to fucking tell you doesn't, oh, he's fucking, I'm just saying me personally.

• 27:38Speaker 05

  Right.

• 27:39Stavros Halkias?

  I have an aversion, and by the way, I want a healthy looking doctor. I want a doctor with a little pop in his bice.

• 27:43Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 27:43Stavros Halkias?

  I just don't want, I don't want neck.

• 27:45Speaker 05

  Right.

• 27:45Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? I don't want like, and I also don't want, and if they're jacked, I want them to hide it in the office setting.

• 27:51Speaker 05

  Interesting.

• 27:52Stavros Halkias?

  When you see a doctor that is wearing a shirt that is just a little too small, cause he wants you to know he's jacked. Cause I have, listen, I have a sex, I actually, I went to a pretty handsome doctor. I don't want, I don't want to dox him, but the guy's a, he's a piece of ass, right? He knows it. Good guy. Shout out. I'll, next time I see him, I'll ask him if he's comfortable with me.

• 28:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, you'll DM me his info.

• 28:11Stavros Halkias?

  He's awesome. He's the man. He helped me with my back a lot. And he's a handsome guy, and I bet you, he could dress in a way that probably accentuates his body more.

• 28:19Speaker 05

  Right.

• 28:19Stavros Halkias?

  But I don't want to notice my doctor's body.

• 28:21Speaker 05

  No, yeah.

• 28:21Stavros Halkias?

  Cause what I want is my doctor to be like, almost like a, like a, an ethereal being of pure medical knowledge.

• 28:29Speaker 05

  Right.

• 28:29Stavros Halkias?

  My doctor could be a light beam.

• 28:31Speaker 05

  Right.

• 28:31Stavros Halkias?

  That like, doesn't speak with sound waves, but like, shoots ener- energy.

• 28:36Speaker 05

  Right.

• 28:37Stavros Halkias?

  Information into my eyes.

• 28:38Speaker 05

  You want an Indian doctor. Like you want, or with Indian energy.

• 28:41Stavros Halkias?

  I know.

• 28:42Speaker 05

  No, like, I didn't like, I mean like, I mean like an ancient wisdom.

• 28:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 28:46Speaker 05

  Which is.

• 28:47Stavros Halkias?

  A shaman.

• 28:48Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 28:48Stavros Halkias?

  Who also went to, is a real scientist.

• 28:51Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 28:51Stavros Halkias?

  I want, that's a good point. I want some mix of like, I want the vibe of a, a traditional medicine healer.

• 28:59Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 28:59Stavros Halkias?

  With the, the knowledge and the study of modern medicine.

• 29:03Speaker 05

  I get it. You don't want your doctor to be coming in with a sleeveless lab coat.

• 29:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, exactly. And I just don't want to think of them as human beings. I want them to be entities, right?

• 29:12Speaker 05

  Right.

• 29:12Stavros Halkias?

  Which is tough. They're humans, of course, but, you know, and same goes like, if, if, like, like, for example, I had a, I think I've told this story before, but I had, back again, back in the day when I'm, when I was broke, I just went to the first dentist I saw. Like, there was just a dentist on Steinway, did no research.

• 29:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 29:27Stavros Halkias?

  I was just like, alright, fuck it, I'll, I need a teeth cleaning.

• 29:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 29:29Stavros Halkias?

  And they're like, your teeth are really fucked. I hadn't been to the dentist like a decade, right?

• 29:32Speaker 05

  Right.

• 29:33Stavros Halkias?

  And they're like, Jesus Christ, your gums are fucked. You know, I was getting to the point where it was like, if I brushed my teeth, it was just like, I was spitting out Hawaiian punch.

• 29:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:40Stavros Halkias?

  Cause I didn't brush, I also just didn't brush my teeth for like four years. And now I'm big on brushing. I know, I'm a thirty year old man bragging about brushing, suck my dick. But, uh, I know I'm thirty seven, but I started brushing my teeth regularly at thirty years old, you know?

• 29:54Speaker 05

  That's amazing. So you would go weeks without brushing once.

• 29:57Stavros Halkias?

  And on the road, I didn't even pack a toothbrush.

• 29:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:00Stavros Halkias?

  I would just be like, if my mouth feel disgusted, I would do one of fucking these, you know? That was a real piece of shit.

• 30:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:05Stavros Halkias?

  Um, uh, you know, what, what you do, your parents are overworked, they try their hardest, there's gonna be some blind spots when your mom works for jobs and your dad is, uh, working late, but you know, just.

• 30:14Speaker 05

  You figured it out.

• 30:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:16Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:16Stavros Halkias?

  Um, anyway, I had at that point, my doctor, who at the time I thought was hot as shit, in hindsight, she was just a Korean woman with lip fillers.

• 30:25Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 30:26Stavros Halkias?

  But at the time.

• 30:27Speaker 05

  I liked that though.

• 30:28Stavros Halkias?

  Listen, I still like that, but at the time it was rea- I was really doing it for me. She was kinda trashy.

• 30:32Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:32Stavros Halkias?

  And it was like, she had, and, and it's like, she was hot and she had like lashes.

• 30:36Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 30:37Stavros Halkias?

  And I literally pretended I didn't need anesthesia, because I was like, I don't want her to think I'm a bitch, you know?

• 30:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:44Stavros Halkias?

  Cause, so, because I was like, in what world am I ever gonna fuck this woman? None, right?

• 30:49Speaker 05

  Right.

• 30:49Stavros Halkias?

  But, that, just that caveman brain, where you're like, a beautiful, a, a hot woman that you wanna fuck.

• 30:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:56Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, you just don't want to admit weakness in front of her, and this was my doctor, right? So what I'm saying is, hot guy, jacked guy, also, by the way, fat as shit. I don't want a doctor that's fat.

• 31:08Speaker 05

  No.

• 31:08Stavros Halkias?

  I'll say, I'll say, I'll be a traitor to my own community.

• 31:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 31:11Stavros Halkias?

  Um, I'll listen to the, and listen, I'll listen to both the jacked and the fat doctor.

• 31:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 31:15Stavros Halkias?

  But I'm listening to them less than just a reg- I just want base. I want neutrality out of my doctor.

• 31:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 31:21Stavros Halkias?

  So anyway, I'm sorry to cut you off.

• 31:22Speaker 05

  I.

• 31:22Stavros Halkias?

  A jacked doctor was telling you about Red A True Tide.

• 31:24Speaker 05

  I get that. Yeah, no, but listen.

• 31:26Stavros Halkias?

  A guy in a Chip and Dale's bow tie.

• 31:27Speaker 05

  All this makes sense. Like, even, even with the doctor, like, I don't even want a doctor to like, let me know that they know I do comedy. It already makes me feel like now I, I don't trust you. If you're spending, you should, all your time should be researching cancer medicines. What are you watching my podcast?

• 31:41Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 31:41Speaker 05

  I'm not gonna help you at all. So, but.

• 31:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's a good point.

• 31:45Speaker 05

  But he said Red A True Tide, so, so I started taking.

• 31:47Stavros Halkias?

  And this was your doctor? This is a jacked doctor on Instagram?

• 31:50Speaker 05

  Well, no, no, no. So what happened was, is, is the doctor, jacked doctor on Instagram kind of broke down Red A True Tide and all the benefits of it, and then my friend who is a doctor.

• 31:58Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck, sorry.

• 31:59Speaker 05

  No, and my friend who is.

• 32:00Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, put it, put it, put it.

• 32:01Speaker 05

  Okay. My friend who is a doctor, told me that he thinks like, the benefits are there. So when, anyway, I started taking it, and then I just started being like, ah, maybe this is, this is, you know, coming from China, these are Chinese peptides, who knows what's in it? So I said, let me do the Zepbound, cause that's the real FDA approved stuff. And I liked it, but for whatever reason, it just kind of, the, the hunger appetite suppression effects were a little bit more than the Red A True Tide, because I'm sure I was just in, I was probably not injecting anything in my body.

• 32:26Stavros Halkias?

  You didn't get the Red A True Tide from a doctor.

• 32:27Speaker 05

  No, no, no, yeah, probably I not, it was just placebo.

• 32:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, I was getting fatter, actually.

• 32:31Stavros Halkias?

  Clear eyes. Somebody, somebody went and got fucking eye drops.

• 32:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:34Stavros Halkias?

  Poured it into a little glass vial and was like, here you go, Chris. I was reading about this, it's good for you.

• 32:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, six fifty cash only.

• 32:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 32:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, like, the way I don't want cash only, uh, fucking.

• 32:46Speaker 05

  Root canals?

• 32:46Stavros Halkias?

  I don't want cash only fucking.

• 32:48Speaker 05

  But, so what happened was, is I took it, and then like, it was doing what it was supposed to do, making you not hungry, a little nauseous, and then, I kinda was feeling like a little constipated, and I don't.

• 32:57Stavros Halkias?

  That does happen.

• 32:58Speaker 05

  And so I don't know what happened. Like, I woke up, actually on our trip in Colonial Williamsburg, Virginia, which is where I make my family go each, each year.

• 33:05Stavros Halkias?

  You're the funniest guy in the world.

• 33:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:07Stavros Halkias?

  You really are just a dork.

• 33:09Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 33:09Stavros Halkias?

  Who's like, liberal, likes gay, like, and I don't mean that in derisive way, you like gay media. We were talking on your podcast, you like Muna, which is a band I love.

• 33:18Speaker 05

  I love, yeah.

• 33:19Stavros Halkias?

  They're so good, but they're, it's like lesbians and trans and non-binary people.

• 33:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:23Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, who make just bangers.

• 33:25Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:25Stavros Halkias?

  You like the nineteen seventy five, which is, I like that band also, cause I like, you know, but that's literally music for women.

• 33:32Speaker 05

  No, I literally, the way I found out about Muna is because I put the nineteen seventy five Spotify playlist on and Muna came up, and I was like, I like them, cause they kind of sound like if the nineteen seventy five were even bigger lesbians.

• 33:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:45Speaker 05

  And so I was like, I'm in, you know?

• 33:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

• 33:47Speaker 05

  So, so, but.

• 33:48Stavros Halkias?

  I love listening to, to nineteen seventy five and pretending a model broke up with me.

• 33:51Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 33:52Stavros Halkias?

  You know that piece of shit's writing songs about the hottest woman of all time?

• 33:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:55Stavros Halkias?

  And they're, and you know what I mean? It's like, I love pretending that's my life.

• 33:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, I know.

• 33:58Stavros Halkias?

  I love listening to that and pretending I'm a fopish little British man.

• 34:01Speaker 05

  Right.

• 34:01Stavros Halkias?

  Who just got head from, who, you know, broke some hot woman's heart, or she cheated on him or something like that.

• 34:05Speaker 05

  Banging Taylor Swift.

• 34:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, oh, that's right.

• 34:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:07Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, famously, of course.

• 34:08Speaker 05

  Famously, and, and, and so Matty Healy, good, good.

• 34:11Stavros Halkias?

  The Adam Freeland Show.

• 34:12Speaker 05

  Great.

• 34:12Stavros Halkias?

  I remember that, that he went on, he went on their show, and he was, oh man, that was so funny.

• 34:18Speaker 05

  I was so upset when I saw Matty Healy on the Adam Freeland Show, cause I was like, I wanted to be the comic that got him, and I.

• 34:23Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, he probably would hate you.

• 34:24Speaker 05

  And I, I know, I know. Yeah, well, I, I purposely brought him up on Joe Rogan, just so I was like, maybe he'll hear this.

• 34:31Stavros Halkias?

  Hilarious.

• 34:31Speaker 05

  And he did, and then he reached out, he DM'd me, he reached out.

• 34:34Stavros Halkias?

  No, he's the man.

• 34:35Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, and, and so, and so we started talking. He's a, he's a funny, cool guy.

• 34:38Stavros Halkias?

  He actually is funny, yeah.

• 34:39Speaker 05

  But it is, it does, Jasmine, my wife, like, we went to the nineteen seventy five concert in Master Grade Garden, and I was like, couldn't wait to like, go backstage and meet him, and I, I could feel it was turning Jasmine off. You know?

• 34:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 34:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, it is, it's the meme of like, is it, uh, fellas, is it gay to like music? You know what I mean? And you know what? When your wife's Puerto Rican.

• 35:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 35:00Stavros Halkias?

  It is.

• 35:01Speaker 05

  It is.

• 35:01Stavros Halkias?

  Cause you're, it's, that's a, if it's a man, and you like the song too much, you're gay.

• 35:07Speaker 05

  Right.

• 35:07Stavros Halkias?

  And if it's a woman and you like it too much, she's, you're like, oh, well, you wanna fuck her?

• 35:11Speaker 05

  Fuck her, right.

• 35:12Stavros Halkias?

  Kind of in a, you can't, you really can't win unless you listen to Bachata.

• 35:15Speaker 05

  Well, do you do this with music? When I listen to the nineteen seventy five, or any musician, what I do is I get, go into La La Land and go into a dream fugue state, because I envision my, me being the lead singer. Like, I envision me being the lead singer in the nineteen seventy five, singing to the crowd.

• 35:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:31Speaker 05

  Does that, is that what you do?

• 35:32Stavros Halkias?

  When I was a little boy, that's how I used to behave, where I was like, I'm like this, cause there was, I've said this before, but I was like, I really thought I was so hot, cause I think my mom believed in me so much.

• 35:42Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 35:42Stavros Halkias?

  And told me I was a handsome boy so much, that like, it really took me like, until fourth or fifth grade to be like, wait, I'm a little, I'm a little fat guy.

• 35:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 35:51Stavros Halkias?

  I'm not the piece of, like, I was like, why don't these girls like me?

• 35:54Speaker 05

  Right.

• 35:55Stavros Halkias?

  I was like, huh, in the movies, all the characters that I identify with, go up to a girl and she's immediately in love with them.

• 36:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:02Stavros Halkias?

  But in my life, they're all really mad when I try and talk to them.

• 36:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:06Stavros Halkias?

  What's going on there?

• 36:07Speaker 05

  What is it? Yeah.

• 36:08Stavros Halkias?

  And then it, I figured out, oh, my life's gonna be different. Like, literally, Stamos, I thought I was John Stamos.

• 36:15Speaker 05

  Right.

• 36:15Stavros Halkias?

  In my head, when I was a, a little fat boy, I saw myself as a child version of John Stamos in a leather jacket with my hair slicked.

• 36:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, you're like, mom.

• 36:23Stavros Halkias?

  I'm not joking.

• 36:24Speaker 05

  You're like, mom, is it, does it, in America, is it normal when girls like you for them to pepper spray you?

• 36:32Stavros Halkias?

  Is calling the police, cause you asked them how their day was, is that a type of flirting, mom?

• 36:37Speaker 05

  Is that American, or is that how it is in Greece, mommy?

• 36:41Speaker 05

  Um, but, but so, but so.

• 36:42Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, I don't do that, but yeah.

• 36:44Speaker 05

  The Zepbound thing, uh, so I took.

• 36:46Stavros Halkias?

  I was talking about Colonial Williams, I just think it's so funny that you're, at your heart, you're a like.

• 36:49Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 36:49Stavros Halkias?

  You're a liberal who likes, uh, you know, queer.

• 36:53Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 36:54Stavros Halkias?

  Coded, uh, art, and is a history.

• 36:56Speaker 05

  And I love history, and I was beaten up for it a lot, growing up in Ridgewood, which is, by the way, is the biggest historically designated, uh, place in the whole state of New York. Um, but.

• 37:06Stavros Halkias?

  Ridgewood is the.

• 37:07Speaker 05

  Ridgewood, if you go throughout Ridgewood, Queens, all brown, you'll know, because all the street signs are brown. When you see a brown, when you see a brown street sign, that means it's a historically designated area. When you see a black street sign.

• 37:19Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 37:20Speaker 05

  That means that, that actual street, not only is it historically designated, but the root of it hasn't been changed since they discovered it.

• 37:26Stavros Halkias?

  So cool.

• 37:27Speaker 05

  So you see those a lot downtown, and then green is just regular.

• 37:30Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 37:30Speaker 05

  So, so that's pretty gay that I even know that.

• 37:33Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome. I love that. No, but you're a dork, is my point.

• 37:35Speaker 05

  Right.

• 37:35Stavros Halkias?

  You're a dork and your wife is like a hot.

• 37:38Speaker 05

  Latina spin instructor.

• 37:39Stavros Halkias?

  Spin instructor, and your children will probably not respect you.

• 37:43Speaker 05

  Hundred percent, yeah.

• 37:44Stavros Halkias?

  They're gonna see you as a dork, but that's good. That's who you're meant to be.

• 37:48Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 37:48Stavros Halkias?

  I think the problem is, you need to get cucked.

• 37:51Speaker 05

  Right.

• 37:51Stavros Halkias?

  You, in your heart, you're a cuck.

• 37:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 37:53Stavros Halkias?

  And you're fighting against it, and you're trying to be an Italian who cheats.

• 37:57Speaker 05

  Right.

• 37:57Stavros Halkias?

  And you're actually a dork.

• 37:58Speaker 05

  Right.

• 37:59Stavros Halkias?

  Who should be, be getting cheated on.

• 38:01Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 38:01Stavros Halkias?

  And then you on the side hire a non-binary dominatrix.

• 38:04Speaker 05

  That's.

• 38:04Stavros Halkias?

  To get, to get it out of your.

• 38:05Speaker 05

  But I do think I'm getting closer to that being, I think I'm getting closer to realizing who I actually am, and what kind of life I actually want.

• 38:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:13Speaker 05

  Cause I've been living the version of what other people want me to live, but it's not really what I want. I wanna, I wanna, I wanna be front row at Muna, while my wife is having an affair.

• 38:25Stavros Halkias?

  And you know what? That's exactly what you need and deserve.

• 38:28Speaker 05

  Yes, that is.

• 38:29Stavros Halkias?

  That will bring balance to your life.

• 38:31Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 38:31Stavros Halkias?

  Truly in a way that I'm not even joking anymore.

• 38:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. And I think then you'll see the best, my best, how you're, you put out your best work on Netflix and this special coming out. You'll see my best work. You'll see my best work when that happens.

• 38:44Stavros Halkias?

  Honestly, yeah, Chrissy Cuck special.

• 38:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:46Stavros Halkias?

  The, the, like you dealing with getting cheated on, accepting it and becoming a good, you know, and just being like, but this is my life.

• 38:54Speaker 05

  Right.

• 38:54Stavros Halkias?

  And I'm happy to do it. I love her.

• 38:56Speaker 05

  Right.

• 38:57Stavros Halkias?

  The best.

• 38:57Speaker 05

  Because I.

• 38:58Stavros Halkias?

  It would also be really interesting.

• 38:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 39:00Stavros Halkias?

  It would be interesting art to, has anybody done a special about getting cucked?

• 39:05Speaker 05

  Right.

• 39:05Stavros Halkias?

  Cause people have done, obviously we've got divorce specials. We've got.

• 39:08Speaker 05

  No.

• 39:08Stavros Halkias?

  Richard Pryor setting himself on fire.

• 39:10Speaker 05

  No.

• 39:11Stavros Halkias?

  I would love a really good, and we've had obviously some like, you know, there've been like, let's bounce back from getting canceled specials. Uh, that have their own specific energy.

• 39:19Speaker 05

  But bounce back from getting cucked specials. Now that's new.

• 39:22Stavros Halkias?

  Seen that.

• 39:23Speaker 05

  Because I.

• 39:23Stavros Halkias?

  That's not, artistically, that's interesting.

• 39:26Speaker 05

  That could be it because, because I've noticed something about me is as the years have went on in my career is, is I have the look of like people like, you know, some of like the, the more like liberal crowd or the crowd of like maybe comedians who came in and were like beaten up as kids in school and they got into comedy. They initially look at me and they're like, fuck that guy. But then they get to know me. They're like, you know what? Chris is okay. I like Chris. Like even, even Red Band who, who hates everybody. And eventually he did come around to fully despising me, but initially, but initially when he first heard about me, he was like, you know what? I, I, I'm on the fence with Chris. I don't hate him right away. I don't hate him right away.

• 39:59Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 39:59Speaker 05

  So that tells me that there's something in me. I'm projecting something that I'm not is what it is.

• 40:04Stavros Halkias?

  Did you ever bully? Like, did you?

• 40:06Speaker 05

  No.

• 40:06Stavros Halkias?

  You never bullied?

• 40:07Speaker 05

  I never bullied. As a matter of fact, when I was always on, you know, on the teams or the athlete, whatever.

• 40:11Stavros Halkias?

  You were, yeah, you were.

• 40:11Speaker 05

  I was hanging out.

• 40:12Stavros Halkias?

  You were great at, you were great at basketball.

• 40:14Speaker 05

  Could play sports.

• 40:14Stavros Halkias?

  You had the ability to bully. You had the build to.

• 40:17Speaker 05

  And I never did it.

• 40:18Stavros Halkias?

  And you never.

• 40:18Speaker 05

  I never did it. I was always the guy that was like talking, like, like there's multiple people that I went to high school with, that the friends in my group chat when I went to high school with, don't even know that they spent four years of their life with, you know, that Korean immigrant kid. But I know, you know, son, you know, and I would talk to him and we would hang out. I never played the Dungeons and Dragons and that stuff, but I was never mean to them. And I would never like, you know, just flip over their table or hit them. You know, hit them with ketchup. I would just never did that. I'm like, ah, whatever. So, so, so for me, I think as life is going on, I'm realizing like, okay. You presented yourself as somebody for all these years, but that really with comedy, the real you's gotta come out here.

• 40:58Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 40:59Speaker 05

  Now, now who that guy is, I'm still figuring out, but I know it's probably, cause I, the first five years of my comedy career, I presented myself as an Italian immigrant.

• 41:07Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 41:07Speaker 05

  And then I realized that I'm actually mostly German.

• 41:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I mean, I remember we, I didn't know you at all and I was still like an open mic'er. You had a great Letterman set about sort of your dad being in the mafia.

• 41:17Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 41:18Stavros Halkias?

  And it was really, it was really interesting.

• 41:20Speaker 05

  And it's not true.

• 41:20Stavros Halkias?

  And it's, yeah, it's mostly fabricated.

• 41:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even my nine 11 bit is mostly fabricated. The one thing that's, that's made me stand out from the pack.

• 41:31Speaker 05

  But I look at, I think it's more of who I wanted my dad to be.

• 41:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 41:36Speaker 05

  You know?

• 41:36Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 41:37Speaker 05

  So that, so it's interesting.

• 41:38Stavros Halkias?

  Dad sucked the guy's dick.

• 41:39Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:39Stavros Halkias?

  The real story. He's like, I'll do anything.

• 41:43Speaker 05

  So, so my therapist told me, he was like, you know, you've done something interesting. You've taken who you wanna be and who you want your dad to be and your mom to be and your life to be. And you've presented it, which is what creative artists do. So he's like, it's you've, you know, if you were a painter, maybe you'd be painting stuff, but you do comedy. So the presented, he goes, the problem with you is because you are such a naturally honest, vulnerable person. You're presenting these things as truth when really in your heart, it's not who you are. So you gotta get to the point now, hey, present who actually I am, who actually my family is.

• 42:14Stavros Halkias?

  Did you have, as a child, were you a liar?

• 42:16Speaker 05

  Yo, big time.

• 42:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:18Speaker 05

  But I was a liar, but it wasn't, it was interesting therapist uncovered this. It wasn't to be deceitful. The, the lying that I would do about my dad or family heritage was, was more of a protective state. Cause like, I didn't wanna tell someone that, oh, actually my dad, you know, gambled and lost everything and him and my mom, I would say, oh, he's not here cause he's in the mafia. So I would, that's what it was. It wasn't to like get to be deceitful, like give me stuff.

• 42:42Stavros Halkias?

  It was, right, right. It was, you didn't wanna explain the sort of very specific kind, like a, a complicated guy, right?

• 42:50Speaker 05

  Right.

• 42:50Stavros Halkias?

  Half a dead meat, half a good dad.

• 42:52Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 42:53Stavros Halkias?

  Had a weird, very weird relationship with your mom, even when they were, were separated.

• 42:57Speaker 05

  Yes, very weird.

• 42:58Stavros Halkias?

  It's, it's, it's, it's hard to, uh, it's hard to communicate that in a schoolyard.

• 43:03Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 43:03Stavros Halkias?

  So you then go to.

• 43:05Speaker 05

  In the neighborhood I grew up in. If I grew up somewhere else, if I was like in Long Island, you could be more open, but it's like, you're not.

• 43:10Stavros Halkias?

  To you, you grew up in a neighborhood where Long Island is the place you could be more open and with your feelings.

• 43:16Speaker 05

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 43:17Stavros Halkias?

  You know, liberal Long High.

• 43:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:20Stavros Halkias?

  You go to, you go over to the shore and you can actually stay how.

• 43:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, these fucking homos on Long Island with their grass.

• 43:28Speaker 05

  What, you got a backyard pussy? We live in apartments. Yeah. So, so, so I, but it's interesting as life, because as, as I'm getting older here, you know, I'm gonna be 42. It's like, you realize like, okay, you have career, you're having fun, you have a family. It's like, you've mostly done stuff that other people want you to do, even though you presented as, oh, this is what I wanna do.

• 43:49Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 43:49Speaker 05

  So now it's like, what do you actually wanna do? What do you want your life to look at? Now unfortunately for me and my family, that does include moving one more time.

• 43:56Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 43:57Speaker 05

  I know.

• 43:57Stavros Halkias?

  You really wanna?

• 43:58Speaker 05

  No, no, no, I can't. I, I actually legally can't this time. And so I'm, I'm.

• 44:02Stavros Halkias?

  You were fucking baking pies for the police force in your.

• 44:05Speaker 05

  I know. I'm bound to it. I will say, I will stay in that village cause my kids love the schools, but I don't know if I can keep living in that house.

• 44:10Stavros Halkias?

  You're out of your fucking mind.

• 44:12Speaker 05

  I know. I do make two.

• 44:14Stavros Halkias?

  Stop talking about finding yourself and being deceitful. You weren't deceitful cause you weren't lying out of deceit. It was for protection. Getting you therapist.

• 44:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 44:23Stavros Halkias?

  And get to the bottom of why the fuck you move houses every fucking.

• 44:26Speaker 05

  I know, or why I constantly want to. It's something cra- dude, I don't know. There's.

• 44:31Stavros Halkias?

  Can I guess?

• 44:32Speaker 05

  Tell me.

• 44:32Stavros Halkias?

  Here's my.

• 44:33Speaker 05

  What are you, seriously? Yeah.

• 44:34Stavros Halkias?

  Here is my guess. The second you move into your permanent home with your family, there is no more wiggle room. There is no more, maybe this won't work out. Maybe I will be sing, you know, maybe I will just be a single dad and co-parent and like whatever. Maybe. That is the final symbolic end to your youth, your scumbaggery, your fucking random whores, your, your free, freedom on some, cause I also had a father who saw. He saw his kids as an obligation, right? And I think your dad was, it sounds like you have a good relationship.

• 45:13Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:13Stavros Halkias?

  And he was around, but also he left when he felt like it.

• 45:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:17Stavros Halkias?

  You don't have that, you don't wanna do that.

• 45:20Speaker 05

  No, no, no.

• 45:20Stavros Halkias?

  You wanna be there, but somewhere deep inside to you, you, you, you crave the freedom your father had.

• 45:28Speaker 05

  Right.

• 45:29Stavros Halkias?

  To just whenever you feel like it, pick up and leave.

• 45:31Speaker 05

  Right.

• 45:32Stavros Halkias?

  And when you finally move, you renovate, you put everything in there, even though now you're married. I mean, how fucking long did it take you to get married to a woman?

• 45:40Speaker 05

  14 years. Yeah.

• 45:41Stavros Halkias?

  Like.

• 45:42Speaker 05

  I had to make sure it was serious.

• 45:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have fought tooth and nail not to accelerate the seriousness of your relationship because I think that represents, uh, that represents sort of finality.

• 45:55Speaker 05

  Right.

• 45:56Stavros Halkias?

  That represents being, the positive way, great. I found my person. I'm with my family. We're gonna raise our kids in this beautiful home.

• 46:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:04Stavros Halkias?

  Whatever.

• 46:04Speaker 05

  Can relax actually.

• 46:05Stavros Halkias?

  The negative is, well, I'm trapped.

• 46:08Speaker 05

  Right.

• 46:08Stavros Halkias?

  Right? And so that's my.

• 46:10Speaker 05

  Does every guy feel that though?

• 46:12Stavros Halkias?

  Do you?

• 46:13Speaker 05

  No. Would you feel that? You don't feel that?

• 46:14Stavros Halkias?

  I do. He doesn't.

• 46:15Speaker 06

  I don't.

• 46:16Speaker 05

  You have a wife and kids?

• 46:18Speaker 06

  No, no kids, but wife, yes.

• 46:19Speaker 05

  And you don't feel that? You feel like this person makes me better? This is what I, this I'm, I like.

• 46:24Speaker 06

  She is like, you know.

• 46:27Stavros Halkias?

  Most people don't feel that.

• 46:28Speaker 06

  I have my friends, but I'm like, I could like just spend infinite time with her.

• 46:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:33Speaker 06

  And it's like easy. It's not annoying. I don't know.

• 46:36Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. She feeds the mules. She does all the things that Albanian women need to do. She.

• 46:41Stavros Halkias?

  She polishes the stone. She polishes the stone to go sell at the market, you know, so maybe they make fucking forty cents.

• 46:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:48Stavros Halkias?

  And they can buy a rutabaga and make a soup with it.

• 46:51Speaker 05

  But it's very nice. But you're saying, Stombros, you feel different. That's why you don't wanna get married.

• 46:55Stavros Halkias?

  I have what you have. I have a, my guess is, no, being friends now for a decade and seeing it, I have a different version of what you have. Cause you, you are sort of like, you're, you've been, I think the moving, even though it's not true, you're committed.

• 47:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 47:11Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? You're in there.

• 47:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 47:12Stavros Halkias?

  Psychologically, I think the moving is the one final.

• 47:16Speaker 05

  Right.

• 47:16Stavros Halkias?

  One foot in both worlds thing.

• 47:18Speaker 05

  Right.

• 47:18Stavros Halkias?

  Because until you're in the house, you're, these kids are gonna spend the rest of their lives with, and I would say to you. Stop doing that because you're fucking your kid. At this point.

• 47:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 47:27Stavros Halkias?

  They're too, they can't keep moving to different houses, dude.

• 47:29Speaker 05

  And different schools.

• 47:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, your, your daughter has like been in more Airbnbs than a touring comedian.

• 47:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:35Stavros Halkias?

  She's been in fucking corporate houses.

• 47:37Speaker 05

  And I'm like, oh, kids do it military dads. Like, yeah, we're not in the military.

• 47:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:42Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right. Exactly. So anyway, that's my hunch. That's my, uh.

• 47:45Speaker 05

  It's a good point.

• 47:45Stavros Halkias?

  That's, that's my guess.

• 47:46Speaker 05

  Moving to kids' schools where I, I, I even, I was joking around, this is recently, I was joking around the other day with my 11 year old. And I was like, I was like, wouldn't it be great to go back to Queens? And she literally put, she was, had a spoonful of cheerios.

• 47:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 47:59Speaker 05

  She had a spoonful of Cheerios right here. She put the spoon down and she said, Dad, I do not want to move again.

• 48:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I mean, what you're doing, whatever the fuck you've done to her.

• 48:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:11Stavros Halkias?

  She will in 30 years be talking to her, she'll be having this.

• 48:15Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 48:15Stavros Halkias?

  Conversation.

• 48:16Speaker 05

  Right.

• 48:17Stavros Halkias?

  And one of her friends will be like, look, the reason you refuse to move is because of all the, yeah. Like, your daughter is going to be in the shittiest house of all time for her entire life.

• 48:24Speaker 05

  Right.

• 48:24Stavros Halkias?

  Because she.

• 48:25Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:25Stavros Halkias?

  That's the, you know, that's the like flip of it.

• 48:27Speaker 05

  Flip of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 48:28Stavros Halkias?

  Who knows? That's.

• 48:28Speaker 05

  Because she'll never wants to move. I know. Well, the thing is too, I think that, I think that now I finally am like that feeling of like, ah, I want to move, I want to, I'm, I'm getting used to it. And I, and what Jasmine said is she was like, I've noticed this feeling comes up a lot with you when you come off the road. She was like, part of your life, I think part of you being healthy for you is you need to change scenarios a lot. So keep the family in one place here and you move around.

• 48:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Well, that's, that's the beauty of being a touring comic. It's like when you get tired. I mean, I quote this Tom Papa joke all the time, but he's like, somebody, he had a joke back, I used to open for Tom, he's the man. And he had a joke where it was like, people ask him like, oh, I mean, you're on the, you're on the road, you're away from your family every weekend. What's the hardest part of spending so much time away? And he said, and his answer was not whistling while I pack.

• 49:22Stavros Halkias?

  Which is true. It's like, this, I do think in a weird way, this is a healthy way to channel that.

• 49:27Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 49:27Stavros Halkias?

  You have the kind of job where you do get to escape for a weekend.

• 49:30Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 49:30Stavros Halkias?

  And you're with your boys. You can have a childish existence.

• 49:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, dude, my dad was like, look, this life is, would be perfect and you can rent and all that if you didn't have a wife and kids.

• 49:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 49:39Speaker 05

  But because you have a wife and kids, you cannot continue to do that.

• 49:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 49:42Speaker 05

  I knew it was bad, the last, the last move and it had to be the final one, and it is, where even my dad, who's done wild shit, was like, Chris, this is getting crazy now.

• 49:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 49:50Speaker 05

  You cannot continue to do this.

• 49:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Well, how about we get, listen, we, we need to, I need the people know what you, what your mental problems are.

• 49:58Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 50:00Stavros Halkias?

  Chime in the comments. Is this what the root of Chris's maniacal desire to move constantly is?

• 50:05Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 50:06Stavros Halkias?

  You let us know your theories. We're ready to hit the Stavvy's World hotline presented by Visible. You've told us what your theories are on Chris by now in the comments. Uh, let's see what they have. Let's see what our, what our, what our beloved listeners have to say. Hit us, LD.

• 50:20Speaker 06

  Hey Richmond, Mark Smith, Midas Richmond, 2026. We have been doing what we do for 29 years. Total car care, total community care. In 2026, we are donating $365,000, a thousand dollars a day for the nonprofits we've historically supported. Gooch and Care, Shalom Farms, St. Joseph's Villa, Ask, the Colonial Heights Food Pantry, everybody we've helped over the years. These are important things making a big impact in our society right now. Total car care, total community care. That is Midas of Richmond.

• 50:50Speaker 00

  How do you want to split it?

• 50:51Speaker 01

  Actually, dinner's on me.

• 50:53Speaker 00

  Okay, big money.

• 50:54Speaker 01

  Well, I got a Venmo balance that I can spend with my Venmo debit MasterCard, so.

• 50:58Speaker 00

  Well, I Venmo'd you three times last week, so it's kind of on me, actually.

• 51:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, you send it, I spend it.

• 51:04Speaker 00

  Did my money get like reincarnated?

• 51:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's chicken shawarma. Want it back?

• 51:09Speaker 00

  I can't believe you like ate my Venmo.

• 51:11Speaker 01

  Spend your balance instantly with the Venmo debit card. No monthly fee or minimum balance. Venmo balance account required to get a card and use a balance. A Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank NA.

• 51:21Speaker 07

  What up, Doug? This is, called it a few times. Um, I'm the guy who on the live show, you told that maybe I should quit my job as a legal assistant, which I did do.

• 51:31Speaker 00

  At the what?

• 51:32Speaker 07

  But I got a different problem.

• 51:34Speaker 06

  He called down a live show. You told him to quit his job as a legal assistant, which he did do.

• 51:39Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, nice.

• 51:39Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 51:39Stavros Halkias?

  Good for him. He's like, now my life's horrible. I'm poor. I have no job. I'm desperate.

• 51:45Speaker 05

  What the hell?

• 51:45Stavros Halkias?

  I'm jerking off guys under the bridge.

• 51:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 51:48Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, go ahead.

• 51:51Speaker 07

  So my girlfriend randomly brought up the idea of a threesome in like a very nebulous way. She was like, would you be down?

• 52:02Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 52:02Speaker 07

  In the hypothetical.

• 52:04Stavros Halkias?

  Quite interesting.

• 52:05Speaker 07

  Well, yeah.

• 52:07Stavros Halkias?

  No hesitation.

• 52:07Speaker 07

  And like, now I'm like, well, dad, she definitely wants a threesome. The problem being, we've had some, let's call them loyalty issues in the past. Um, so I feel sort of like.

• 52:17Stavros Halkias?

  Her.

• 52:18Speaker 07

  Not cool bringing it up myself. But I think then she'll, again, I'm going to trigger anything like that.

• 52:25Stavros Halkias?

  Pause this. Does he tell, does he say who has the loyalty issues?

• 52:29Speaker 06

  He doesn't specify, but it looks like, it sounds like he's, you know.

• 52:33Stavros Halkias?

  Either he cheated.

• 52:35Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 52:35Stavros Halkias?

  Which, listen, if she's bringing it up and you cheated, hey.

• 52:40Speaker 05

  What are you gonna do? Yeah.

• 52:41Stavros Halkias?

  But if she cheated and you have the loyalty issues, like you're scared about her, you, you saying, I don't want to trigger her about it means you're a coward. Who actually is feeling a little insecure about this idea, but doesn't want to bring it up to his girlfriend who cheated on him in the past. So either way, I think if, if, if she's the one who cheated, I think, uh, you know, you should bring it up. If you're the one who cheated, you don't have to talk to her about it, but you need to search your soul.

• 53:09Speaker 05

  Right.

• 53:10Stavros Halkias?

  Really think, are you capable of having this threesome and not?

• 53:13Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 53:13Stavros Halkias?

  You know, like the, like the fucking sharks in Finding Nemo. When you taste a little strange pussy, are you going to go crazy afterwards again? You know what I mean?

• 53:20Speaker 05

  Yeah. And if, and if she's the one that cheated and this threesome isn't going to include you and another guy and her, then what I do is I cordially invite you to the Muna concert with me.

• 53:32Stavros Halkias?

  It's just a matter of time till you and Chris are front row.

• 53:35Speaker 05

  We're gonna be there. Checking their schedule right after.

• 53:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Finish, let's, let's see what else he has to say.

• 53:41Speaker 07

  Do I split a rock and see if she brings it up again? Or is there a way I can finagle this actually happening?

• 53:46Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 53:47Speaker 07

  All right. Peace.

• 53:48Stavros Halkias?

  That's all. Okay. Uh, that's, okay. Interesting. I mean, again, going back to what we just said, think about those two things.

• 53:58Stavros Halkias?

  I would, I would let it, I would not force it. I would not bring it up unless truly the perfect situation, which I don't even know what it would be, right? And my other question would be like, is your girl, like, yeah, what kind of threesome is this?

• 54:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's the big question for me.

• 54:17Stavros Halkias?

  I assume it's girl. It's, my assumptions from his overall demeanor is that it's girl, girl and, uh, she's injured a girl. But I, my hunch is that she's the one who cheated. Maybe I'm wrong. I just, maybe.

• 54:29Speaker 05

  Well, he said she's had some loyalty issues in the past.

• 54:31Stavros Halkias?

  Say she did or we did.

• 54:33Speaker 06

  He said we did.

• 54:34Speaker 05

  Oh, okay.

• 54:35Stavros Halkias?

  So my guess is that we, you didn't give us enough information from being completely honest, but what are these loyalty issues? Let me ask you, first thing you have to realize is do you actually want this? Do you actually think you can handle this?

• 54:50Speaker 05

  Right.

• 54:51Stavros Halkias?

  The fact that you even brought up the loyalty issues to me say, no.

• 54:54Speaker 05

  Right.

• 54:54Stavros Halkias?

  Right? Like to me, this is such an incredible needle to thread.

• 54:59Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 55:00Stavros Halkias?

  Like, or thread to needle, needle to thread, needle to thread. This is such a tight needle to thread. Fuck you. Don't fucking laugh at me, you fucking piece of shit. That, that it has to be comically perfect circumstances.

• 55:12Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 55:12Stavros Halkias?

  For this to A, happen, but B, happen and not ruin a relationship.

• 55:18Speaker 05

  I'll tell you this, it's never worked for me.

• 55:25Speaker 05

  It just, I think it's a bad idea.

• 55:27Stavros Halkias?

  Have you had them in relationships or have you floated them in past relationships?

• 55:30Speaker 05

  Well, it's been floated in past relationships. It got floated to me by a girl and I didn't realize that how eagerly and aggressively.

• 55:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yes!

• 55:39Speaker 05

  And it, yes.

• 55:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yes!

• 55:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 55:41Stavros Halkias?

  No! Woo! Woo! Hurry up!

• 55:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, like that. And it was, I walked into a trap. It was set up to see that she wanted to see that knee jerk reaction and it, and it confirmed all the.

• 55:53Stavros Halkias?

  I see.

• 55:53Speaker 05

  Things she believed and it ended the relationship in, in a matter of days.

• 55:58Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my God. You fell for the like, the cop being like, so you've been drinking tonight?

• 56:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 56:02Stavros Halkias?

  Well, just a couple, officer. You literally, just five.

• 56:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. Like it was like.

• 56:08Stavros Halkias?

  That was a long time ago.

• 56:09Speaker 05

  It was like, hey, like, you know, you go on the road. I know there's other women, like you can't have sex, but you can get blowjobs. And I was like. Oh, great. That that really great. And she was like, no, the answer is supposed to be no. You know what? This isn't working out.

• 56:22Stavros Halkias?

  Good for her. I'm on her side.

• 56:23Speaker 05

  Yeah. I mean, that would be pretty sweet if a wife was okay with that, but ninety, actually 100% of them are not.

• 56:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chris just did it to himself.

• 56:32Speaker 05

  Right.

• 56:32Stavros Halkias?

  No woman even asked him. He felt you fell for it yourself.

• 56:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 56:37Stavros Halkias?

  You just said, oh, that was dumb in the past. And then you're like, now, listen, if somebody let me do that, I'd be awesome.

• 56:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, I mean, you know, that's why that auto block machine is.

• 56:44Stavros Halkias?

  Cuck 27, Chrissy Cuck 2027. That's what you need. That's the vision board.

• 56:49Speaker 05

  That's what it is.

• 56:50Stavros Halkias?

  You need to get cheated on.

• 56:52Speaker 05

  It's coming.

• 56:52Stavros Halkias?

  Let's flip the paradigm.

• 56:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:54Stavros Halkias?

  And that's when you'll be free.

• 56:55Speaker 05

  Free.

• 56:56Stavros Halkias?

  Because I also think part of cheating that much is kind of an insecurity of wanting to have kind of

• 57:03Speaker 05

  Right.

• 57:03Stavros Halkias?

  the upper hand when you're sort of, you don't really believe in yourself at the very, very core of of things. But anyway, that's more that's more armchair, armchair speculation.

• 57:12Speaker 05

  I like, but that's why we're here.

• 57:13Stavros Halkias?

  That's why we're here. This is, this is, none of this is legal. You don't, I'm not, you can't fucking sue me for shit. This is all entertainment.

• 57:20Speaker 05

  That's what it is.

• 57:21Stavros Halkias?

  So, yeah, dude, I think, I would say you're just not capable. I can hear the, how eager you are in your voice. This loyalty issue I need to know more about.

• 57:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 57:29Stavros Halkias?

  But my main question is, do you think you could handle it on multiple levels? A, do you think you convince her? That's a hard, but no, she brought it up, maybe, right? So I will actually give you, you might be able to convince her.

• 57:42Speaker 05

  Right.

• 57:42Stavros Halkias?

  B, think about this, man. Think about this actual experience. I would say, I know, I know Uncle Stav on Netflix is coming out in September, but why don't you check out Live at the Lodge Room? Where my final joke was about the first time I had a threesome and my dick could not get hard. I was so overwhelmed.

• 58:00Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. I've been there.

• 58:02Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. That's what I'm saying. It's like, it's like, it's like, look, we all want to play. A lot of people say, I want to be in the finals. I want to play in the playoffs. Those bright lights hit, a lot of people shrink.

• 58:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, dude.

• 58:12Stavros Halkias?

  Do you think you have it in you to fuck two girls nice?

• 58:15Speaker 05

  And that's, my nickname in back in Queens is because there was this big tournament, this big three on three tournament called the Tommy Ashton Tournament at, at St. Sebastian's in Woodside. And you would play on the side courts like it was a big tournament. And then if you got the championship, you played on the main court in front of everyone. And I was lights out on the side court. We would every year make to the championship and then my knees would buckle. And I would be awful. So my name to my friends is Chrissy Side Courts.

• 58:41Stavros Halkias?

  Chrissy Side Courts.

• 58:42Speaker 05

  They call me that because I, again, and bringing up to the beginning of our conversation, I'm not the guy that wants the arena or my dick will get soft in the beginning of threesome. So

• 58:51Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 58:51Speaker 05

  understand like this American dream is not, it does, you don't, you don't have to go, you don't have to eat at all.

• 58:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 58:56Speaker 05

  Take little bites.

• 58:57Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 58:57Speaker 05

  So the threesome might be, I can already, I can also hear in his voice like he's not a threesome guy. If you're calling into the show to get advice on it, you're not that dude. You're not that dude that's gonna just.

• 59:07Stavros Halkias?

  Actually, that's a really good point.

• 59:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 59:09Stavros Halkias?

  The guy who's, who's ready for this does not need my advice.

• 59:12Speaker 05

  No.

• 59:12Stavros Halkias?

  To have a threesome. So, but I would just say, that's what I, that's the worksheet you have to do.

• 59:17Speaker 05

  Right.

• 59:18Stavros Halkias?

  Is, can you convince her? If you got it, do you think you'd do a good job and enjoy yourself? Do you think your relationship could survive it?

• 59:25Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 59:26Stavros Halkias?

  If you're not sure about any part of that, don't do it.

• 59:30Speaker 05

  Don't do it.

• 59:30Stavros Halkias?

  Especially, that's all I can tell you with this general information.

• 59:32Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 59:33Stavros Halkias?

  And without you telling us what the loyalty issue is.

• 59:35Speaker 05

  Because what's gonna happen, dude, is, is you're gonna, first of all, if this girl, you're in the relationship with this girl and then you winds up being a threesome with another chick, you're gonna come in three pumps with the other chick. And then your current girlfriend is gonna be like, what the fuck was that? Because it's new pussy and you're just gonna, you know?

• 59:50Stavros Halkias?

  A lot of ways this could go bad.

• 59:52Speaker 05

  It's just got mostly downsides.

• 59:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 59:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 59:54Stavros Halkias?

  And look, if.

• 59:54Speaker 05

  Using Occam's razor.

• 59:56Stavros Halkias?

  Occam's razor.

• 59:57Speaker 05

  I would say.

• 59:57Stavros Halkias?

  Without question.

• 59:58Speaker 05

  The Occam's razor would say, don't do this.

• 1:00:00Stavros Halkias?

  But look, you gotta be a dreamer sometimes.

• 1:00:02Speaker 05

  Hundred percent.

• 1:00:02Stavros Halkias?

  And I'm not, if you think you can pull it off, I'm not gonna tell you not to swing. Dream to imagine.

• 1:00:08Speaker 05

  Dude.

• 1:00:08Stavros Halkias?

  A classic, that's a refrain in my life. And I will also say, and actually, here's a fourth thing to say. Let's, okay, for this, can I pull this threesome off rubric? Those three, if you want this relationship to last.

• 1:00:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:00:21Stavros Halkias?

  Now, let's say this woman cheated on you and you're still resentful on some level. And you're like, fuck, I just want to have a threesome. This isn't gonna last.

• 1:00:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:00:30Stavros Halkias?

  I'm not gonna on the record tell you to do that.

• 1:00:32Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:00:33Stavros Halkias?

  But if that's what, you have to make this decision in your heart. And I would also say, look, maybe it is a, maybe it is a casual relationship and you're both in it for something, for fun.

• 1:00:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:00:43Stavros Halkias?

  Who knows? Who gives a fuck? But do the, do the worksheet, fill out the worksheet we just gave you and you have to make the decision for yourself, my friend.

• 1:00:52Speaker 05

  Go hard or go home.

• 1:00:54Stavros Halkias?

  What else we got, Eld?

• 1:01:01Speaker 05

  What's up, Stavvy? Love the show. I'm 38, turning 39 in September. I'm currently trapped in a classic male midlife crisis.

• 1:01:10Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking loud as shit.

• 1:01:12Speaker 05

  And I kinda need you to take it away. So option A, I've been seeing this 41 year old woman. She is supercharged, successful in my like similar career paths. Uh, but she's an entrepreneur.

• 1:01:25Speaker 05

  But she's on this like warp speed timeline to have kids kind of immediately. Part of me likes the idea of a stable future, but I'm three months out of an eight year relationship. And you know, I don't even know if I want children. Um, okay, so we got option B. I'm also talking to a 21 year old. It's a completely fun, easy, zero pressure. And it like feels amazing. Uh, mostly because my brain is fried from this baby clock pressure with option A, but.

• 1:01:57Stavros Halkias?

  Right, your brain is fried, so you have to fuck a 21 year old.

• 1:02:00Speaker 05

  It's the only way out.

• 1:02:01Stavros Halkias?

  Come on, dude. And also 39, look, I'm not gonna tell you not to fuck somebody much younger than you, right? I think age gap stuff is a little overdone.

• 1:02:09Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:02:10Stavros Halkias?

  39 and 21, like, look, there's a point where it's like, we just have to decide, these, we're all adults. But I do think you bump it up a couple of years every, the older you get, right?

• 1:02:21Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:02:21Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe in your mid 30s, 21 is something.

• 1:02:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:02:24Stavros Halkias?

  39, I would bump it up to 24.

• 1:02:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:02:27Stavros Halkias?

  I think to me, my line is kind of 24.

• 1:02:30Speaker 05

  24, yeah.

• 1:02:31Stavros Halkias?

  And it's not, I just feel like that's where it starts. I'm 37.

• 1:02:33Speaker 05

  Yeah. Most of your movies are with 824. Yeah, so.

• 1:02:37Stavros Halkias?

  824 put out, yeah. My, my, my movies are by 824.

• 1:02:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:02:41Stavros Halkias?

  I get head from 824 year olds.

• 1:02:45Stavros Halkias?

  That's how I live my life.

• 1:02:47Speaker 05

  Dude, the company's so happy for that. They're proud of, you're a company man.

• 1:02:50Stavros Halkias?

  I'm actually, I signed a deal with 824. I can only get head from 24 year olds.

• 1:02:55Stavros Halkias?

  But anyway, look, I'm not gonna poo poo, whatever. I, I think the age gap shit can get overdone.

• 1:03:00Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:03:00Stavros Halkias?

  But I do think there's just, what are you talking about with a 21?

• 1:03:06Speaker 05

  I think a 21 year old.

• 1:03:07Stavros Halkias?

  Also, you said entrepreneur, which.

• 1:03:09Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:03:09Stavros Halkias?

  If I hear the term entrepreneur, you're down three pegs in my.

• 1:03:13Speaker 05

  One thing that changed for me, because I am a man of science, is one thing that changed for me.

• 1:03:18Stavros Halkias?

  First and foremost, you're a man of science.

• 1:03:19Speaker 05

  Hundred percent. Is that I saw this whole science thing and then looked really into it, that most peoples, females included, their brains don't fully form until they're 25.

• 1:03:30Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:03:31Speaker 05

  So really theoretically, even at 25 should be the age. Now, I did bring plenty of girls through 20, 21, you can't change your past.

• 1:03:39Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure, sure.

• 1:03:41Speaker 05

  But since I found that information,

• 1:03:45Speaker 05

  I wouldn't touch any, I wouldn't even entertain the idea. If I was single, which I'm not, I'm a happy, loving marriage.

• 1:03:51Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:03:52Speaker 05

  25 would be 25 and over.

• 1:03:55Stavros Halkias?

  I, and I think, yes. And actually, going back to Ray Romano, I remember a joke where he had where so, I think maybe it was in a later season where he like his daughter was getting, was a teenager, maybe he had like a niece or something. And, and, and, uh, and they were like, well, you're gonna, you, you know, it's like, oh, come on, you know, uh, I don't remember. Anyway, the, I, fuck, I'm, this makes no sense.

• 1:04:18Speaker 05

  You got death brain.

• 1:04:20Stavros Halkias?

  The joke was something about, I don't like that on girls under 25 either. It was something about dressing slut.

• 1:04:25Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 1:04:25Stavros Halkias?

  And I, let's, I remember Ray Romano in, in Everybody Loves Raymond, making a joke about, even to him as a, as a married man, like 25 was the cutoff. And I think that's actually, let's bump it up. You know what? Sorry, 824. I'm gonna, I'm gonna bump my up. I'm gonna, I'm, I'm now 825.

• 1:04:43Speaker 05

  825.

• 1:04:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. Like, that's, that's, that feels like a good cutoff.

• 1:04:47Speaker 05

  And that's good. And I think with this guy's problem is the 21 year old is not gonna, that's gonna be a nightmare. The 21 year old.

• 1:04:55Stavros Halkias?

  How about, let's, let's let him finish. Because to me, would kind of bothers me, he's not even dating somebody younger. But it's this weird juxtaposition he's done where it's like either a woman who's age appropriate or a 21 year old.

• 1:05:07Speaker 05

  And it's also like the answer's right there in the math. Just date a 30 year old and you're good. Right in between.

• 1:05:14Stavros Halkias?

  You know what? You're a man of science. Now you're a man of mathematics.

• 1:05:15Speaker 05

  That's what it is.

• 1:05:16Stavros Halkias?

  Let's get the mean.

• 1:05:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:05:17Stavros Halkias?

  40 plus 21, 61.

• 1:05:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:05:19Stavros Halkias?

  Divided by two, 30.5.

• 1:05:21Speaker 05

  That's why. And then you have zero problem.

• 1:05:23Stavros Halkias?

  And then you're kind of right in the, right beautifully in the zone.

• 1:05:26Speaker 05

  In the Goldilocks zone.

• 1:05:27Stavros Halkias?

  Do we need to, yes, exactly. Exactly. Right now, one is too hot, one is too cold. Let's get right in the middle. Does he have more elders?

• 1:05:35Speaker 05

  With option A, but man, I'm 39.

• 1:05:38Speaker 02

  And she's 21. I kinda just like look like her cool uncle.

• 1:05:42Stavros Halkias?

  You don't look like that.

• 1:05:43Speaker 02

  Weird, but so my question is, do I snuck it up?

• 1:05:50Speaker 02

  A rise a reckless rebound wave with option B? Or do I just stop being a coward and kinda just pull the plug on both of them?

• 1:06:01Stavros Halkias?

  We were joking about it. We've heard enough. We we were joking about it, but literally what we said is what he should do.

• 1:06:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:06:07Stavros Halkias?

  This is not A or B. The first woman sounds great, but you're not ready for that. You're just not ready for that. You're you're probably you're kind of immature.

• 1:06:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:06:17Stavros Halkias?

  And also you just got out of the relationship, right?

• 1:06:19Speaker 05

  You can't you can't also be banging a girl where there's a more than 50% chance you're the same age as her father.

• 1:06:26Speaker 05

  That's also.

• 1:06:27Stavros Halkias?

  You're right. Holy.

• 1:06:27Speaker 05

  Right? Cause you cause many people have kids at 18, 19 years old. So I'm just saying it's still probably there's it's a higher chance than normal.

• 1:06:35Stavros Halkias?

  You're right.

• 1:06:35Speaker 05

  You know?

• 1:06:36Stavros Halkias?

  You're right. It's it should be 25, 25 and up, and then 15 is the age gap that should be the.

• 1:06:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:06:42Stavros Halkias?

  When can you not be her dad?

• 1:06:44Speaker 05

  Right, exactly. Yeah.

• 1:06:45Stavros Halkias?

  Start doing that.

• 1:06:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:06:46Stavros Halkias?

  Cause 16, I feel like 16 is when all the teen pregnancies.

• 1:06:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:06:50Stavros Halkias?

  Shows start. So, okay, we're doing a lot of science here.

• 1:06:53Speaker 05

  See?

• 1:06:53Stavros Halkias?

  But but yes, dude, look, I don't understand why you've you've, I think you've made two mistakes. One is getting into a, starting to date someone who could be a real partner for you. If you were in a different place in your life, and look, also, that's a bit of a cop out if you really wanted to be with her. Like the idea that you're out of an eight year relationship and you're not ready for something serious. Other people might say like, hey, cause you're not fucking young either, right? Like I've been thinking this where everybody around me is having kids and I'm like. If I, I gotta, if it's gonna happen, it's gotta happen soon, right?

• 1:07:26Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:07:26Stavros Halkias?

  And so, uh, for you, it's not her, she's not being out of line, wanting to have kids with you. She's 41, you're 39. You have more in common, you're in the same field, like that makes sense. You're clearly not ready for that for a combination of reasons, right? Let's not even get into it. Maybe you're immature, maybe you really are, you know, that breakup is still fresh, whatever, that's fine. You're all you've, that's a mistake getting into that relationship. It was a mistake to, I'm not, when I even tell you don't have a reckless rebound. Have it with a 25 year old. But probably take a second. Yeah, he said like sit in a dark room somewhere. Yeah, dude, maybe take, I'm thinking about going. Valsell for the fall.

• 1:08:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:08:07Stavros Halkias?

  Not fully, maybe a couple of weeks, you know. Give me two weeks, like anyway, whatever, whatever. I'm thinking about just spending a moment. For like just not worrying about this, whatever. Maybe you need to do that, my friend. Take a second. And then when you're done, when the fog of war has lifted.

• 1:08:22Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 1:08:22Stavros Halkias?

  Then go date a 30.5 year old.

• 1:08:24Speaker 05

  Right, 30.5. And then also too, it's not fair to the 41 year old who's kind of saying that she kind of wants kids and she, you know, her biological clock is ticking when you're out there. Banging a fucking, you know, student.

• 1:08:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's the, yes, right, right, right, right. You're banging a professor and her fucking student.

• 1:08:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:38Stavros Halkias?

  Um, and that's the other thing, you clearly don't care about the 41 year old because you are seeing someone, you know, that you see as a fling. So. Anyway, next question.

• 1:08:51Speaker 07

  Avros, el- eldest, what's going on, fellas? I'm in a kind of a weird situation in my life. Um, so I have a niece and she just turned 30 the other week. And so me and her are going on like a little uncle.

• 1:09:04Stavros Halkias?

  That's cute.

• 1:09:04Speaker 07

  Niece date or whatever.

• 1:09:05Stavros Halkias?

  I love that.

• 1:09:06Speaker 07

  And it's my first time that I'm gonna be like out and about just alone with her, like without my sister and uh, my brother in law and all that. And my girlfriend brought up this thing to me. And she was like, well, what are you gonna have to, like, what are you gonna do when she has to go to the bathroom? And I was like, I don't know, just let her go to the bathroom. Apparently you can't let them go to the bathroom by themselves.

• 1:09:28Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, how old is?

• 1:09:29Speaker 07

  And like, I don't know, I don't feel very comfortable walking into a woman's bathroom with a child that is not mine. I am her uncle, but like, I don't know.

• 1:09:36Stavros Halkias?

  What do you do?

• 1:09:40Stavros Halkias?

  What the fuck are you talking about?

• 1:09:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:09:41Stavros Halkias?

  I'm good to be in here. I got a fucking baby with.

• 1:09:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. She ain't my kid.

• 1:09:45Stavros Halkias?

  She ain't my kid. So hey, if you want me to look at your pussy, I will, but I'm just here for the kid who's not mine, by the way.

• 1:09:50Speaker 05

  Yeah. No, you bring her into the boys' men's room.

• 1:09:54Stavros Halkias?

  The fact that you're even, that this is confusing to you. Ah, this, okay, people have joked a lot, like, these people call, people call in for this. But this is, this makes me feel a little.

• 1:10:06Speaker 05

  It actually makes me want to, as a father, somehow get in touch with your sister and brother in law and send them this and say, don't let your daughter. Leave with this kid.

• 1:10:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:16Speaker 05

  Because he doesn't even know, he doesn't even have a bathroom plan.

• 1:10:19Stavros Halkias?

  He doesn't, yeah, I got news for you. She's gonna have to piss.

• 1:10:23Speaker 05

  Hundred percent. And you better know, if you've never done this before, you better know which way to wipe.

• 1:10:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:28Speaker 05

  Front to back or back to front, because one of them gives an infection and one of them doesn't. And I'm not gonna tell you the answer.

• 1:10:32Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right. Do a little research.

• 1:10:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:10:35Stavros Halkias?

  What else? See, what else you got to say?

• 1:10:37Speaker 07

  I am her uncle, but like, I don't know. It just seems like a very weird situation. And I feel like you guys would have like some, some takes and some advice.

• 1:10:45Stavros Halkias?

  There's no take.

• 1:10:46Speaker 07

  I don't know what I'm gonna end up doing.

• 1:10:47Stavros Halkias?

  Baby that has to piss.

• 1:10:48Speaker 07

  I might just have to bring my girlfriend with me.

• 1:10:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:10:51Speaker 07

  I don't know, is that not weird?

• 1:10:53Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:10:53Speaker 07

  That's a little weird, but anyways, thank you, boys. Elders, stop, bros, take care.

• 1:10:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, I I think bring your girlfriend anyway.

• 1:11:00Stavros Halkias?

  Can I ask what's weird? You're taking care of your baby niece. Like, yeah, you do, like. Okay, yours, you think this is weird because you're pretending she's a fucking grown up?

• 1:11:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:11:12Stavros Halkias?

  She's a child. Uh, what, like, if she shits her pants when she's seven, which might happen.

• 1:11:18Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 1:11:18Stavros Halkias?

  Is that, is it weird to change her? No, dude, it's a fucking little kid. We, I do think there's something weird going on where. I don't know, man, all the, like, all the, like, uh, like, a lot of people have, like, and obviously. We're ruled by pedophiles clearly, and they should all be in jail, whatever. But this guy's like, I, it seems like he's, he's afraid to be thought of as a creep.

• 1:11:38Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:11:39Stavros Halkias?

  That's, that's my, that's what I'm reading. That's the sort of like, uh, you know.

• 1:11:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, there's nothing creepy about that. It's a family member.

• 1:11:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, what I'm, I think the thing to say is like, that's insane to think that.

• 1:11:50Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:11:50Stavros Halkias?

  This is a child, this is a baby that is under your care, yet if if she was a grown adult, it would be weird to take her to the bathroom. It would be weird to change her. Is it weird to change a baby's diapers?

• 1:12:00Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:12:01Stavros Halkias?

  Like, why, why do you think, just because she can walk, that she, like, would you let her drive a car?

• 1:12:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:12:06Stavros Halkias?

  Like, I don't understand what you're talking about.

• 1:12:07Speaker 05

  It's like, what are you gonna?

• 1:12:08Stavros Halkias?

  You think she's either baby or adult? And it's like, dude, these are children.

• 1:12:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, and also too, I I am thankful that you called in because if you would have walked into the woman's bathroom.

• 1:12:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:16Speaker 05

  With that child, you'd be on the news. You, obviously you have to go into the male bathroom. And if you really feel uncomfortable about this, just. Have her shit in a plastic bag behind the venue, right?

• 1:12:26Stavros Halkias?

  Go, go, go fucking Chinese immigrant style.

• 1:12:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:12:29Stavros Halkias?

  Just have her squat on the sidewalk.

• 1:12:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:12:31Stavros Halkias?

  That was, I loved seeing that in China. You'll still catch that in Chinatown sometimes. Malon had a great story about seeing a woman pull a turd out of her baby son's ass.

• 1:12:39Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:12:39Stavros Halkias?

  Just, just on the street.

• 1:12:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:12:41Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean?

• 1:12:41Speaker 05

  That's how they roll.

• 1:12:42Stavros Halkias?

  Um, but anyway, dude, yeah, don't, you're looking after a child, like, have you never, like, changed her diaper? I guess he probably hasn't, but like, you know. Yeah, dude, this is part of being an uncle.

• 1:12:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:12:52Stavros Halkias?

  It's no big deal.

• 1:12:53Speaker 06

  I'll play devil's advocate a little bit for this guy. I took my like niece to karate once. And she had to like pee during it. And I was like, oh, okay, cool. And I was like, you know, I've never really thought about this once. How much does she know in terms of like how to clean herself up? And wipe or whatever. And I was like, okay, I went in there, I kinda like supervised, I helped her out. I got her right, but. My point is.

• 1:13:19Stavros Halkias?

  How old, but hold on, your niece was already at fucking karate.

• 1:13:22Speaker 06

  She was. She, she, she went like hilariously young.

• 1:13:24Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, really?

• 1:13:25Speaker 06

  They just like put her in, she was, she was like three years old.

• 1:13:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, she did, yeah. She's in there with a pacifier.

• 1:13:30Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:13:30Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:13:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:31Speaker 05

  Rolling people.

• 1:13:32Stavros Halkias?

  That's really funny. All right, all right, all right, all right.

• 1:13:34Speaker 06

  But.

• 1:13:34Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe we're a little unfair.

• 1:13:35Speaker 06

  There is something to, you know, it's good he's at least thinking about this. So now he can like have a plan. And the plan is really like, okay, imagine you were a fucking three year old baby who doesn't know jack shit.

• 1:13:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:48Speaker 06

  How would you like the, the adult who's your custodian for the day to fucking treat you? You'd want them to fucking make sure you're cleaned up after you take a piss.

• 1:13:57Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 1:13:57Speaker 06

  And all that, so.

• 1:13:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:59Speaker 06

  I don't know, just think like that and.

• 1:14:00Stavros Halkias?

  Totally. And look, I also get your very first knee jerk reaction being like, that's fucking weird or like, cause it is. In terms of a day with your three year old niece or nephew, having to fucking supervise baby genitalia.

• 1:14:15Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:14:15Stavros Halkias?

  Is the worst part of it.

• 1:14:16Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 1:14:17Stavros Halkias?

  Eating ice cream and swinging them on the swing, that's a lot better. I, of course, and I, I get having a knee jerk reaction that's like, ugh. That's gonna be annoying. And sure, it's the most annoying part, but it's not something you should feel uncomfortable. It's just caring for a child.

• 1:14:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think, I think that.

• 1:14:33Stavros Halkias?

  And yeah, if you need to take your girlfriend, that's fine, but I would also say like, you should be, you know, this is, being an uncle is sort of like. You get to barely, barely scratch the surface of what a parent goes through.

• 1:14:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:14:46Stavros Halkias?

  To just observe more than anything. So like, this is, see, this also is a, this is a big growth for you. This is a preparation for you, maybe one day having a kid, you know?

• 1:14:53Speaker 05

  Yeah. But if you bring your girlfriend, have your girlfriend go into the bathroom with her. That's the best move.

• 1:14:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, if they're close, she likes her, she trusts her. I mean, she might even be more comfortable with your girlfriend.

• 1:15:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:15:02Stavros Halkias?

  Who knows? Uh, but yeah, don't feel weirded out about this. It's just. Uh, you know.

• 1:15:06Speaker 05

  That's it.

• 1:15:07Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, caring for a child.

• 1:15:10Speaker 07

  Dobby baby, eldest, the community. I realized, listening to the show has been a theme of a lot of ass-related questions, so I figured I'd finally call and ask my ass-related question.

• 1:15:24Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:15:25Speaker 07

  Uh, lifelong passionate heterosexual ass eater here. Uh, been with my wife a long time.

• 1:15:34Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, I like where this is going.

• 1:15:36Speaker 07

  From the moment we first started getting sexual, I've always eaten her ass.

• 1:15:40Stavros Halkias?

  Hell yeah.

• 1:15:41Speaker 07

  You know, just in general been a fan of it. She's got a big rap video ass on her. It's pretty spectacular.

• 1:15:48Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 1:15:49Speaker 07

  Um, lately, uh, you know, just kind of, you know, laying in bed or whatever, and I'll just be kind of grabbing her butt like we're snuggling or something like that.

• 1:16:00Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome dude, that's.

• 1:16:01Speaker 07

  And she stops me and she goes like, you know, I'm, you know, I play with my ass a lot and stuff, like, that's fine, but why do you have to go like in between the cheeks? Like, can't it just stop with just the ass? And I was kind of just taken aback and.

• 1:16:19Stavros Halkias?

  That's heartbreaking, but.

• 1:16:21Speaker 07

  I'm kind of starting to wonder if she thinks that it has something to do with like shit or scat or something like that.

• 1:16:31Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 1:16:31Speaker 07

  Um, and it could not be further from the truth, um.

• 1:16:36Stavros Halkias?

  You, you think you're.

• 1:16:37Speaker 07

  I tried to explain to her, I was like, look, people.

• 1:16:39Stavros Halkias?

  Your wife finally expresses a preference she's probably been slightly uncomfortable about for your entire relationship, and you're like, she thinks I want to eat her shit. No, she might just not like getting her ass eaten. That's like, why do you immediately think she thinks you want to eat shit? I don't, I really, I do not understand.

• 1:16:56Speaker 05

  It makes me think actually you do want to eat shit.

• 1:16:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, actually, you know, maybe you, yeah, he's like, nah, further, nothing could be further from the truth.

• 1:17:02Speaker 05

  As he just has a pile of shit.

• 1:17:04Stavros Halkias?

  I don't want to put a freshly baked waffle cone under her ass as she shits, swirl it around and take a big lick on a hot summer day. Ew, that's gross to me. Let him finish, I suppose.

• 1:17:17Speaker 07

  Explain to her, it's like, look, people who eat pussy aren't fantasizing about piss. People who eat ass aren't fantasizing about shit, but.

• 1:17:25Stavros Halkias?

  You know, there's a different piss hole in the pussy, right?

• 1:17:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, I don't think he does.

• 1:17:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, actually, definitely doesn't. Yeah, you don't, also, you, you associate pussy with piss?

• 1:17:36Speaker 05

  I've never thought about being a pussy thinking about there's piss here.

• 1:17:39Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting, alright, keep going.

• 1:17:42Speaker 05

  I like this guy.

• 1:17:43Speaker 07

  Been kind of alarming to kind of hear that she's, kind of just sounds like she's just put up with me doing this for all these years and kind of like a staple item for me.

• 1:17:58Stavros Halkias?

  Right, that's tough.

• 1:17:59Speaker 07

  So I guess the question would just be, how do I convince her if there's nothing gross or weird about it? Is there still a stigma around eating ass?

• 1:18:08Stavros Halkias?

  This is not about, she's, she's not taken aback by this. This isn't new to her. She's just fine, like dude, I don't understand why he thinks she's like recently read literature about ass eating.

• 1:18:20Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:18:21Stavros Halkias?

  Clearly, yes, you're, all this is, is that she has, she's just not that into getting her ass eaten. I think it's so, let's get back to Occam's razor.

• 1:18:31Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:18:31Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Occam's razor, maybe she doesn't want to use Occam's razor to shave her asshole.

• 1:18:34Speaker 05

  That's what it is.

• 1:18:35Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe she wants, maybe she just doesn't want you to eat her ass. Maybe she just wants you to play with her, jiggle her ass, maybe take a fucking little bite, give it a smooch, whatever. She doesn't want you getting in the hole. I don't think it's anything crazy, I don't think, you know, and yes, I get why he's devastated.

• 1:18:49Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 1:18:49Stavros Halkias?

  But you should, you shouldn't be confused or trying, uh, like, you know, be like, ma, I'm not trying to eat your shit. She, I think if you said that, then she'd be like, what the fuck are you talking about? This is tough though, I get it, like if Taco Bell took the Crunchwrap Supreme off the menu, I'd be sad.

• 1:19:05Speaker 05

  Be sad.

• 1:19:06Stavros Halkias?

  This woman's about to take the ass eating off the menu potentially.

• 1:19:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, and I.

• 1:19:09Stavros Halkias?

  Or she might make it a seasonal item.

• 1:19:11Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:19:11Stavros Halkias?

  You know, maybe now, ass eating used to be the Big Mac for you, now it's the McRib, right? Maybe you get it twice a year when pork prices fall.

• 1:19:19Speaker 05

  And listen, I know initially, it coming off the menu and only, and going back to seasonal for you might initially seem like this is upsetting, I can't do this, I need to eat her ass every day, but, think about this, if she pulls that back and you can only eat it four times a year, the chances of her one of those four times letting you eat her shit goes up.

• 1:19:38Stavros Halkias?

  Right, which is obviously what you want to do. It's so clear you want to eat her shit.

• 1:19:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, so think about it that way.

• 1:19:46Stavros Halkias?

  Think about it that way, um, and look, I will say this again, this is just, she has just communicated with you, this is her way of indirectly, slightly indirectly, being like, you know what, what, what is this about? Why do you like eating my ass so much? And, and the implication is, she doesn't like it that much. And I think all, from now, the thing you, you discuss, now you negotiate something that works for both of you.

• 1:20:10Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:20:11Stavros Halkias?

  Right? Now you're like, alright, do you actively dislike it? Like, I have dated girls who are like, I don't want my pussy, and I'm like, can I just, it's kind of part of my warm-up.

• 1:20:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:20:22Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? It's kind of part of my whole thing. It's like LeBron has to get to the arena four hours early. If you don't let him get, he has to get a pre-game pump on.

• 1:20:30Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:20:30Stavros Halkias?

  If you don't let LeBron lift his weights and throw his chalk up in the air, he doesn't want to get right to the game, and look, for me, I want to take a couple little, every once in a while, not every time, but you can't not let me eat pussy ever.

• 1:20:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:20:41Stavros Halkias?

  I can't live like that.

• 1:20:42Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:20:43Stavros Halkias?

  I can't, and I also, the opposite is happening, where someone's like, look, I don't, I'm not really into sucking dick, and I was like, that's going to be a really big problem around here.

• 1:20:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:20:51Stavros Halkias?

  Like, we're going to have to negotiate a settlement where we can both live with things, so, you need to be like, look, do you hate this? Does it make you feel like a piece of shit? Because if you hate it, I'll never, we don't have to do it, but if it's something you tolerate, I can do it less, and let's come to a number that feels right, or, you know, naturally you'll find a rhythm where it's like, you throw it in once a month, you throw it in twice a month, whatever.

• 1:21:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, we can go, I don't have to eat your ass after every meal. Like, what was previously, but let, but we can't just go to zero.

• 1:21:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's all this is, I don't think, I think you have the conversation, and the logical follow-up is, hey, hey, I just like it, you, you, and you were taken aback so you couldn't communicate, and I get that, right? Like, um, the best time to have a conversation is like in the moment, but that can be hard, those are emotional, and not just sexual stuff, like, you know, real arguments, when you have a problem, when you've been offended, when someone's pissed you off, but you're, you, you know, it's natural to not, it's actually like a hard thing to be the kind of person who just says what they feel immediately, even in adverse situations.

• 1:22:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:22:00Stavros Halkias?

  You were caught off-guard, you were, you didn't, you didn't, you weren't ready to defend your love of ass eating, but this is your wife, this is the woman you love, you can now bring this up and say, hey, I was thinking about the conversation we had, I just fucking, I just think, you're, I love your ass.

• 1:22:15Speaker 05

  I love your ass.

• 1:22:15Stavros Halkias?

  I like it, if you don't, if you don't like it, I thought you liked, I just assumed you really liked this because I do it every time.

• 1:22:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:22:21Stavros Halkias?

  We can dial it back, I, if, if you don't mind, I'd like to keep it in the mix though.

• 1:22:26Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 1:22:26Stavros Halkias?

  I'd like to make it, I'd like to maybe drop down, like we said, from an everyday item to a seasonal item, but that's all dude, that's the conversation you need to have.

• 1:22:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:22:34Stavros Halkias?

  And then you, look, she might be like, oh, okay, well, no, keep doing it, that's fine, you know, it's not my favorite thing, but I don't mind, like, who knows? But again, like, like most, most fucking calls here, communication is key, baby.

• 1:22:46Speaker 05

  That's what it is.

• 1:22:46Stavros Halkias?

  That's all you got to do, you got to figure it out with your, with your.

• 1:22:48Speaker 05

  Was that a sulfur burp?

• 1:22:50Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, that was just a, that was just a, uh, just regular heartburn, I think.

• 1:22:54Speaker 05

  Oh, nice, yeah, that was, that was just a, that was just a pending heart attack.

• 1:22:57Stavros Halkias?

  That was, yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys smell toaster. Hell, just turn the toaster off, come on. I start speaking, hi, she's fine, she's, I just started speaking German, I've never spoken in my.

• 1:23:07Speaker 05

  My arm starts going up.

• 1:23:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Kaliso to, t'kans reeldes, p'g'ne g'v'valt'it o'stiara, I start speaking in Greek.

• 1:23:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, convulsing.

• 1:23:16Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, Chris, pezmo, t'g'nete mit' yinek, t'k'k'ano meto.

• 1:23:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, your face is dry, yeah.

• 1:23:21Stavros Halkias?

  So, am'at'is tros to kol'lo, d'ep'na t'hi, d'ep'na, and I'm just fucking going crazy. Anyway, I'm not having a stroke, I don't have sulfur burps, I'm going to live till at least sixty-two.

• 1:23:33Speaker 05

  Great, great.

• 1:23:35Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, next question, the little Eldons.

• 1:23:37Speaker 05

  How do you want to split it?

• 1:23:38Speaker 01

  Actually, dinner's on me.

• 1:23:40Speaker 05

  Okay, big money.

• 1:23:41Speaker 01

  Well, I got a Venmo balance that I can spend with my Venmo debit MasterCard, so.

• 1:23:45Speaker 05

  Well, I Venmo'd you three times last week, so it's kind of on me, actually.

• 1:23:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, you send it, I spend it.

• 1:23:51Speaker 05

  Did my money get like reincarnated?

• 1:23:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's chicken shawarma, want it back?

• 1:23:56Speaker 05

  I can't believe you like ate my Venmo.

• 1:23:58Speaker 01

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• 1:24:07Speaker 06

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• 1:24:39Speaker 05

  Hey, Stav, and esteemed guests, coming to ask you with a close friend question. Uh, my buddy.

• 1:24:47Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm, your buddy.

• 1:24:48Speaker 05

  We have a weekly movie night on Friday nights.

• 1:24:51Stavros Halkias?

  Love that.

• 1:24:52Speaker 05

  With a rotating pick between me, him, and my girlfriend, who I've been with for about five years.

• 1:25:02Stavros Halkias?

  Um, let me guess, this guy's got a new girlfriend?

• 1:25:05Speaker 05

  He has started inviting the girls that he has been dating for two, three weeks.

• 1:25:13Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:25:14Speaker 05

  And they have been cycled through.

• 1:25:17Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, let, let, let me let him finish before I jump down his throat.

• 1:25:21Speaker 05

  And they have been cycled through. And my girlfriend is uncomfortable with.

• 1:25:29Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, this is different than I would.

• 1:25:30Speaker 05

  New women consistently coming around.

• 1:25:33Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, that's fair.

• 1:25:34Speaker 05

  Would I be a dickhead for telling him that I want him to date the women that he brings to my house?

• 1:25:44Stavros Halkias?

  For more than a month before he brings them here.

• 1:25:51Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you. Okay, this is interesting. My initial knee jerk reaction was to be like, dude, shut the fuck up. Watching fucking, you know, Dario Argento movies with your fucking girlfriend and your and some guy and some like and your best friend and the girl he's banging every once in a while. This is not hallowed. This is not Thanksgiving with your grandmother, right? But if he's doing it every if every two weeks, there's a different girl, that would annoy me, right? And especially because it's like if I like, actually, we kind of have a perfect analog here, Eldis, which is like you, you and your wife. If I came, if we were watching a movie, look, if I brought a girl that I was casually dating every once in a while,

• 1:26:34Stavros Halkias?

  no one would bat an eyelash. But if every week we had a tradition and it's the only time and look, as you as you become adults, you don't really see your friends that much. It's the only time you get to kind of chill. If every time our anchor for connection, my girlfriend has to be like, so what do you do for work? You know what I mean? Like, you're kind of forcing, if I was forcing Eldis's wife to make stilted small talk with a woman, uh, you know, an insane woman from Instagram.

• 1:27:02Speaker 05

  With some whore from Raya.

• 1:27:05Stavros Halkias?

  These are beautiful women. Uh, if I did it all the time, that's weird. So I don't think you're a dickhead, but this is an interesting need. Again, I keep saying needle thread, but this is an interesting situation where it's like, look, but I also don't think, you know, if you did it every once in a while, I would say relax. But the fact that it's every couple of weeks is weird.

• 1:27:26Speaker 05

  That and also too, the one thing you said is that your wife or girlfriend or whatever is the one with the problem with it. For me, then you have no choice. If your girlfriend was cool with it, who cares? But because she's not, you got like, I have a friend who frequents prostitutes and we've met and he's and but he like goes escort.

• 1:27:45Speaker 06

  A friend.

• 1:27:47Speaker 05

  Looking in the mirror. And he brings these girls around like he he pays to like hang out with them like he's one of those guys. And we've met them a couple of different girls, whatever. It's always fun.

• 1:27:58Stavros Halkias?

  What do you mean we?

• 1:27:59Speaker 05

  Me and my wife Jasmine, because we hang out with this guy a lot, but he she had to tell him, hey, listen, you know, obviously been invited to our wedding, you cannot bring an escort. Just don't.

• 1:28:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:11Speaker 05

  And he and he was kind of like, well, then I guess I'll just come solo. And because that's what, because that's just how he is, you know?

• 1:28:17Stavros Halkias?

  And look, no, yeah, that's a very fascinating relationship.

• 1:28:21Speaker 05

  And I want to, by the way, give a shout out to that friend. You know who you are. You just made lieutenant at the NYPD. So congrats. So it's foolproof because he knows where all the stings are.

• 1:28:33Stavros Halkias?

  And that's, that's the best part about cops, how they equally follow the law.

• 1:28:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:28:37Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, and don't take advantage of their position ever at all. Um, that's fucking insane. And look, and I'm I'm pro sex work, whatever, but it is, it's I just find that an odd relation. It's an odd thing to do.

• 1:28:50Speaker 05

  I don't love that. Yeah.

• 1:28:51Stavros Halkias?

  To bring to like, and look, I'll be honest, you want to if you're if it's like a party, if it's like a bar, whatever, but like,

• 1:28:57Speaker 05

  My home?

• 1:28:58Stavros Halkias?

  Folsome. And again, no disrespect to, I would, it's almost like bring a sex worker off duty to your home, no problem. I just don't want her working at brunch. You know what I mean? Like, that's that just feels like an odd energetic mix.

• 1:29:11Speaker 05

  Well, and this guy too, like if this guy's always gotten new girls, it's like you also don't know who you're bringing into your homes, like some random stranger that.

• 1:29:18Stavros Halkias?

  But I gotta say, gotta be nice for her. She's like, oh, I get ex Benedict instead of sucking this lieutenant's dick. Instead of sucking his fucking probably like peptide injected cock. It's probably it's probably hot dog red from his fucking off brand TRT.

• 1:29:33Speaker 05

  He's the he's the guy I got the peptide from.

• 1:29:37Speaker 05

  He gets them straight out of the East River. They intercept them from the Chinese government.

• 1:29:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he's like, Chrissy, we just busted another shipping container. Peptide's on me another year. Yeah, I mean, look, I think, yeah, you're not, I don't think you're in the wrong at all here. I think like, and and look, it's again, it's different how old they are. If this is college, who gives a fuck? But again, as you get older, you don't get to see your friends as much. You don't have community in our fucking, everything in America is so atomized, especially if you live in the burbs, you live in like a walkable city. It's a real effort to have a weekly appointment with your friend. And it's, by the way, that's cool. I think more people should do that. I'm really excited for when I get set up and I'm off the road. I want to have like a weekly, I want to have fucking like in this office. I want to have like,

• 1:30:23Stavros Halkias?

  you know, brunch, I want to have parties, I want to actually get to see my friends and hang out. Um, and it's good that you're doing that, but no, I don't think you're in the wrong at all to be like, hey, man, I barely get to see you. And and really, like you said, it's his girl, your girl has the problem. You're like, can we just, can this just be us or or we're happy to, we want to meet the girl you're like, if I brought, I think your wife would be thrilled if I finally had a girlfriend, right? Like if she if she could actually make friends with someone I loved and respected, I think she would really like that. And I'm sure this guy, because you know, they're friends, like he, you don't, you don't third wheel a weekly appointment without actually being friends with the girlfriend as well.

• 1:31:04Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 1:31:04Stavros Halkias?

  Like clearly, all three of you have a good friendship, you know, whatever. And I'm sure she would be pumped if he had a serious girlfriend and you could just be like, look, dude, we this is the only time we get to see you. We spent half the time fucking asking this girl, essentially, you make my girlfriend go on a first date with a girl that you don't even know. Can we just institute a one month dating rule?

• 1:31:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:31:25Stavros Halkias?

  And that's and by the way, that's even lax.

• 1:31:28Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:31:28Stavros Halkias?

  Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, one month isn't that crazy, you know? Uh, so I don't think you're in the wrong here at all. And I think like, you know, it's an interesting one because I would I would be curious to see how he reacts because this guy might just be seeing this as like, nice, I don't have to spend money on dating these fucking bitches. He might be like, great, I don't have to pay for a date. They think it's more serious because I'm introducing them to their friends, but really, I just want them to drink your sodas and popcorn.

• 1:31:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:31:51Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, he could be kind of scumbagging this.

• 1:31:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:31:54Stavros Halkias?

  Because also I'll say, I I I would find it weird to do this as somebody who's not.

• 1:31:59Speaker 05

  I don't think I would.

• 1:32:00Stavros Halkias?

  You know, like I would not behave this way. It's very strange.

• 1:32:02Speaker 05

  Even in my single days when I was an absolute idiot, I don't think I would do this.

• 1:32:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:32:07Stavros Halkias?

  No, I agree. So, yeah, you're totally, you're totally in the, you have no, I see no problem in having this conversation with him. And I would frame it as like, look, dude, we make an effort to stay in each other's lives and we have to use half of that time.

• 1:32:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, and these girls better have been showing up with fucking snacks and charcuterie boards and something.

• 1:32:25Stavros Halkias?

  No, but I don't even expect them to do that. That's expecting them to do too much. They don't even fucking know this guy.

• 1:32:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, they're probably weird. That's also probably why you have a new girlfriend every three weeks because after you keep taking them to like your friend's wife's house to watch movies, they're like, I don't like this guy.

• 1:32:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:32:39Speaker 06

  That's the thing. He's not doing like his due diligence to date and get pussy and stuff. It's like, yeah, you can't just outsource the social.

• 1:32:46Stavros Halkias?

  To me, this that's what this feels like to me. He's just like, great. I don't have to make reservations. We're going to Frank's house and watching fucking World.

• 1:32:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, I don't love it.

• 1:32:56Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, we got some, where are we at here? We got something fun for us to go out on, Eldis?

• 1:33:00Speaker 06

  Yeah, let's, uh.

• 1:33:02Stavros Halkias?

  And Chrissy, in the meantime, we should we'll, you know, we should say Chrissy Chaos.

• 1:33:06Speaker 05

  Come on. Patreon dot com slash history hyenas, christie comedy dot com. Got stand up dates. Go check them out. See if I'm coming to your city.

• 1:33:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yep, yep. Summer Bear, Summer Bears, uh, two, maybe next summer.

• 1:33:17Speaker 05

  Probably next summer.

• 1:33:18Stavros Halkias?

  Three summers from now.

• 1:33:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:33:19Stavros Halkias?

  Who knows?

• 1:33:20Speaker 06

  We should just syndicate that right onto our channel here. Start doing it out of the studio.

• 1:33:25Speaker 05

  Well, if Bert has another stroke, we're in.

• 1:33:29Stavros Halkias?

  I did not even know he had a fucking stroke.

• 1:33:31Speaker 05

  I I heard he had a stroke. It might not have been true.

• 1:33:35Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe you you catch up with your friends the same way you do research about peptides.

• 1:33:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:33:38Stavros Halkias?

  You saw an Instagram reel, you saw some comedy drama channels telling him fat and you're like, oh, I must have had a.

• 1:33:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Crackamiko said he had a stroke.

• 1:33:48Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, yeah, give us something fun here to go out on, Big Eld.

• 1:33:52Speaker 07

  Hey, Stav. Hey, Eldis. Hi, esteemed guest. This is just a response to a caller on the Carl Tart episode. Uh, it was the guy with the huge cock and the OnlyFans girlfriend.

• 1:34:05Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:34:05Speaker 07

  That, you know, his cock's so big, she has to get the IUD taken out and he's having trouble with.

• 1:34:09Stavros Halkias?

  For no reason, he told us.

• 1:34:10Speaker 07

  Coming up with birth control ideas. Just want to say the 28 year old man who has gotten a sex. To me myself, best experience of my life.

• 1:34:18Stavros Halkias?

  That's early.

• 1:34:18Speaker 07

  Not only did my doctor prescribe me a, uh, oh, I got the single Xanax to pop on my way in. But during the procedure, I got the Huff nitrous the entire time and laughed the entire fifteen minute.

• 1:34:31Stavros Halkias?

  Laughing while someone slices your cock is, that's, I mean, that's the Joker. You're literally the Heath Ledger Joker. Yeah. Someone's got a scalpel, someone's fucking butterflying your dick down the center. He like it's fucking chicken court on blue and you're fucking.

• 1:34:48Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking funny. So he's a twenty eight year old that got his shit snipped, huh?

• 1:34:52Speaker 05

  That's even earlier than Ari.

• 1:34:53Stavros Halkias?

  Respect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. Ari, it should have been in the womb.

• 1:34:57Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:35:00Speaker 07

  So highly recommend the vasectomy, the recovery, one week tops, three out of ten pain. Ten out of ten recommend. Um, let's grab upon this guy's vasectomy.

• 1:35:13Stavros Halkias?

  I like that. I think if I were ever to have children or decide I don't want children, I would definitely get a vasectomy.

• 1:35:19Speaker 05

  Yeah. I mean, I have pretty much, I mean, I have two biological and a stepson, so three kids that I'm raising. And everybody, I know, everybody I know who's my age, who's my situation has two or more kids. Like, why would you get a vasectomy? But I just feel like it takes something from my manhood. I don't know what I want. I, I don't know why. I know it's ridiculous. I know. And I don't, I don't want to get.

• 1:35:39Stavros Halkias?

  That's such Italian Ridgewood. Remember, you're not, you're not an Italian Ridgewood. You're a German who likes fucking Muna, who likes.

• 1:35:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:35:46Stavros Halkias?

  Who wants to do Colonial Williamsburg.

• 1:35:47Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:35:48Stavros Halkias?

  That's not a challenge to your manhood, you fucking idiot.

• 1:35:50Speaker 05

  I know.

• 1:35:50Stavros Halkias?

  A procedure that makes it so you won't have a fourth kid.

• 1:35:53Speaker 05

  I know. And it's already.

• 1:35:54Stavros Halkias?

  And then by the way, the next time you move, you'll have to look for seven bedrooms.

• 1:35:57Speaker 05

  Right. Yeah.

• 1:35:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. When you move in six months, you want to look for another nursery?

• 1:36:01Speaker 05

  I know. And it's also like, I've already upset my German ancestors by having children outside of the gene pool.

• 1:36:06Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:36:07Speaker 05

  So it's like, well, I'm just going to continue to do that. So.

• 1:36:09Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 1:36:09Speaker 05

  My German ancestors would want me to get a vasectomy. They would want you to say, stop.

• 1:36:14Stavros Halkias?

  That's true.

• 1:36:14Speaker 05

  Yeah. You haven't done right.

• 1:36:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:36:17Speaker 05

  No, but I.

• 1:36:17Stavros Halkias?

  They would, they'd be like, look, send some of your jizz over to Dusseldorf.

• 1:36:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:36:21Stavros Halkias?

  And give it to a blond haired, blue eyed lady.

• 1:36:23Speaker 05

  That's what we want.

• 1:36:24Stavros Halkias?

  Snip your shit up.

• 1:36:25Speaker 05

  Everybody who I know who has gotten a vasectomy says it's painless. And he says, actually, part of the rehab is you have to clear the chamber. So the doctors encourage you to jerk off, that you have to jerk off, I think it's something like ten times in three days. You have to go, you have to like.

• 1:36:40Stavros Halkias?

  You have to go middle school mode.

• 1:36:41Speaker 05

  Yes. You have to, and it's like, literally like.

• 1:36:43Stavros Halkias?

  Get an FHM magazine where they get Alyssa Milano on the cover.

• 1:36:47Speaker 05

  But it's like two days of like, you have to call off from work and like, tell your wife and family, like, I'm in the basement jerking off.

• 1:36:52Stavros Halkias?

  Sorry. Prescribed jerking my shit. My doctor said I must beat my shit. Well, uh, that's interesting. And that's, that's good advice. Elders, would you ever get one? You also probably think it takes your manhood away, don't you?

• 1:37:03Speaker 06

  Yeah, I can't give up my fucking vitality.

• 1:37:06Stavros Halkias?

  Albanian.

• 1:37:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, my Albanian, my Albanian goo.

• 1:37:10Speaker 06

  I'll be less than a man if I do that.

• 1:37:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll basically be a Kosovar.

• 1:37:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:37:17Stavros Halkias?

  All right. Interesting. Well, that's good advice. That's, our callers even end with advice. Chrissy, thank you so much for being here.

• 1:37:22Speaker 05

  Thanks, baby.

• 1:37:23Stavros Halkias?

  Great to see you. Uh, check out Chris. Watch Tony if you're in New York or LA this week. Watch Tires next week and it's on September eighth. This is the big one. Please, please watch Uncle Stav. I worked really hard on it. Directed by Matt Johnson. We're working to get some really cool, a really cool band to do the music. We're almost, we've almost finalized the deal for that. So I'm really, really proud of it. And I will say, I'm proud of the hour. I worked really hard on it. And I also, I'm proud of, we're, we're doing some creative stuff. I mean, when you get Matt Johnson, he's a fucking, I would never, like, I would never tell this to his face. I would never compliment it to his face. He is a visionary in many ways. He's so creative and his boy, his editors are the best. Have you, have you seen Nirvana, the band, the show?

• 1:38:04Speaker 05

  No, but Jasmine was watching it on a flight to Ireland and dying laughing.

• 1:38:07Stavros Halkias?

  It's so fucking funny. It's also such an incredible, like, technical achievement, how those guys edited. Shout out to Kurt and Bobby. Shout out to Jared, the DP on the, on the, on the special. Their whole team, the guys who did that, and they edited, uh, Tony too, Kurt and Bobby, so good. I fucking, so I, I, I mean, I can't say enough. So. If it's, if it, it'll pop up on Netflix soon, it's like, remind me, please do that, whatever you can, tell all your friends. This is the fucking thing I've worked the hardest on. And when I'm done this, I will not ask you for anything for a year at least. I'm not going on tour. I'm not promoting shit, but you, I will be begging you to watch this special from now until the end of September. So just get ready.

• 1:38:49Stavros Halkias?

  I will be shilling nonstop. Um, but anyway, a lot of stuff going on here, but lots of opportunities to see me. I'm in, I'm in the Cineplex, I'm on Netflix, I'm on a sitcom, I'm doing it all. And after that, I'm, I'm going to disappear. Once and for all, a lot of people say this, oh, oh, let me guess, you're going to lose weight. Fuck you. Yes, I am this time, man.

• 1:39:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:39:07Stavros Halkias?

  I have to, I'm going to fucking die. I won't be able to walk if I don't lose weight soon. I can't keep getting cortisone shots to do stand up. You know how pathetic that is? Anyway, before I spiral completely, I, I started plugging things and I was, and then I just started losing my mind. Check out Chris, check out my shit and, uh, we'll see you soon.

• 1:39:34Speaker 02

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