#113 - Jon Gabrus

Jon Gabrus joins the pod to kick off a new batch of Stavvy's World episodes from Los Angeles!! Jon discusses his and Stav's overlapping audience demographics, getting bullied by his high school teachers, his early career delusions, his dad working as a boat valet and taking adult karate classes, TRT, Ozempic, forgetting to lose weight, and much more. Jon and Stav help callers including a woman who doesn't want to date her old manager even though he quit his job to be with her, and a man who's concerned about a classmate in his grad program confessing that he is pro-fascist. Visit https://www.thuma.co/ to get $100 off your first bed purchase. Follow Jon Gabrus on social media: https://gabrus.com/ https://twitter.com/gabrus https://www.instagram.com/gabrus/ https://letterboxd.com/gabrus/ Thanks to our friends at Bad Ladder Collective for letting us take over the studio! Book and follow: https://www.badladder.com/ https://www.instagram.com/badladder/ 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Rent or buy LET'S START A CULT at https://stavvy.biz/movie ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This podcast is supported by Nurtac ODT. Remedy Pant. We know you didn't ask for an interruption, but migraine doesn't wait for the right moment to interrupt either. It just barges in, takes your time, and throws everything off. So when migraine takes your time, take Nurtac. It's for the acute treatment of migraine with or without aura in adults. Nurtac can provide pain relief in two hours, which can last up to two days. Ask your healthcare provider if Nurtac is right for you, because your time is for you, not migraine. Don't take if allergic to Nurtac ODT. Allergic reactions can occur even days after use. Get help right away for trouble breathing, rash, swelling of face, mouth, tongue, or throat. High blood pressure and Raynaud's syndrome can occur. Get help for high blood pressure, numbness, coolness, pain,

• 0:45Speaker 00

  or color changes in fingers and toes. Common side effect is nausea. For full prescribing information, call 1-833-4-NURTC or visit Nurtac.com. All right, back to your podcast, playlist, or whatever's keeping you going today.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  Too soon for Black Friday at Lowe's? Not when the deals are this good. Get your choice of a DeWalt 20V Max reciprocating saw or circular saw for just $99. Plus, MyLowe's Rewards members get free same-day delivery. Black Friday deals are on now at Lowe's, in-store and online. Valid through 11/4. $25 minimum and loyalty membership required. Order eligible items by 2 p.m. Subject to weight and size restrictions and availability. Terms at Lowe's.com/SheBeTerms.

• 1:33Stavros Halkias?

  Welcome, everybody, to Stav's World. 904-800-Stav. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We're continuing our Los Angeles series, Hollywood Halкус. And we are taking, we get some of our favorites from LA, and I'm pumped to have on the couch John Gabris.

• 1:52Speaker 03

  Oh, pumped to be here.

• 1:52Stavros Halkias?

  Thanks for being here, dude.

• 1:54Speaker 03

  Oh, hell, yeah. I can't believe we're in the same location.

• 1:56Stavros Halkias?

  It feels wrong, right?

• 1:58Speaker 03

  There's like nine bear chasers slash podcast freaks who are so hyped for this.

• 2:03Stavros Halkias?

  There's one guy. There's one gay podcast fan that this would be, he'd get so hard, dude.

• 2:10Speaker 03

  He's the one who responds to my pics on the toilet with, "I wish that was me."

• 2:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, I read those message requests and I don't respond.

• 2:21Stavros Halkias?

  I have, there's a guy, and I don't know if I should keep talk, he probably does, I legit think he doesn't speak English. But my, my, my most recent gay guy that wants to fuck me is, I believe, a Turkish guy. That's just been blowing me, every story gets a response. It is funny to know, just have a little piece of what an insanely hot woman goes through.

• 2:41Speaker 03

  Oh dude, I have since talked to girls that I know, I'm like, I get it, I can only imagine what it's like for you.

• 2:47Stavros Halkias?

  We get 1% of it. But like, I imagine that 100 times a day.

• 2:52Speaker 03

  I know, and I understand for, for a woman might have a hard time, I get a slash of flattery out of it. Because I'm not getting like chicks posting their tits like, oh, you're, I love your podcast. I get like some dude who's like, fuck me daddy, and I'm like, oh.

• 3:10Speaker 03

  And I'm like, I just be like, you know, it feels good to be attractive.

• 3:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes.

• 3:16Speaker 03

  Or, or some girl will be like, you remind me of my husband, and I'll like click through and look at her husband, and I'll be like, fuck you. I'll fuck you.

• 3:24Stavros Halkias?

  That's a real tough one.

• 3:25Speaker 03

  That's mean.

• 3:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 3:26Speaker 03

  I know, I, I don't look, I look like that, but I drink water.

• 3:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, well, it is what, that'll happen to me where I'll be at a show and a woman's being very flirty, but in a way that I'm like, I don't, she's being so flirty, but some of my spider sense is like, I can't fuck this woman. It's like, she, I could just tell, and then I'm like, what's going on here though, she's even like touching an arm? And then I'm like, as I'm trying to put it together, the fattest guy you've ever seen in the world comes up and like grabs her by the waist, and is like, we love the show, bro, and it's like, ah. That's what it is.

• 4:01Speaker 03

  Sometimes they're like honey trapping you as like for their husband, the fan. And they're like, oh shit, I have blue hair and my tits are out, and they're like, hey, stop it.

• 4:10Stavros Halkias?

  You should get a drink with us.

• 4:12Speaker 03

  And then you come over and her husband who looks like you, like your before picture, is like, I'm a huge fan. And you're like, oh, fuck. Is he a big fat, fat podcaster?

• 4:26Stavros Halkias?

  Uh dude, a couple of the first tours I went on, how many like, like one fucking Moscow mule I had to sit through? When I got like a DM, it's like a girl, it's a picture like, "Come meet, come meet us for a drink." I don't think who the us is, I just see like, I just see a hot woman, I'm like, "Oh, I'm gonna fuck this bitch and a girl that's even hotter than her." If I, all I have to do is go meet them for a drink and it's fully, sometimes it's five guys and she's not even there and she's like, "Alright, well, I'll see you guys later, I've done my due diligence here."

• 4:59Speaker 03

  That, the only worst fan interaction in the, I call, I should say listener interaction, because I don't know if they're actually fans. Because the way they behave, they'll come up and be like, "You're a fat fucking pig and your dead father hates you, ah." And it's like, wait, no, no, no. I, that's how I talk about myself.

• 5:17Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 5:18Speaker 03

  For entertainment.

• 5:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 5:20Speaker 03

  Whispering that to me is absolutely traumatizing.

• 5:23Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know you at all.

• 5:25Speaker 03

  I know. Probably because your little dick and big butt is a terrible problem, right? I'm like, yo!

• 5:31Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck you, man. I don't know you, we're not friends. And I will fu, like, you'll make me, I'll, I'll get my ass kicked, but I'll swing on you if you keep-

• 5:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm ready to get jumped.

• 5:41Stavros Halkias?

  If you keep doing this, dude, I will fucking swing on you. Yeah, dude, it is fucking hilarious, but, I love, yeah, thanks for being here, because this does, you know, we, we've never met in person, actually, I've been a fan for a long time.

• 5:53Speaker 03

  Same, doc, same, yeah.

• 5:54Stavros Halkias?

  Back in the day of the like, you know, I'm sure you get this all the time, but, starting with Gino Lombardo.

• 6:00Speaker 03

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 6:00Stavros Halkias?

  When I was at a, I was at my, at my, um, uh, paralegal job, where I did nothing, where I truly was listening to podcasts. One day I listened to a, an eight hour podcast about the Roman Empire. Just the whole day.

• 6:15Speaker 03

  That's fucking awesome.

• 6:16Stavros Halkias?

  Didn't pause once, right? And that, that's where the first time, this was like years ago, this must've been like your, when you were just on that and then I've been following you ever since, and it does feel like, uh, I like, it feels like, like, now that the spider verse, or like the multiverse is like a concept everybody- understands.

• 6:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:33Stavros Halkias?

  It does kind of feel like we're multiverse versions of each other.

• 6:36Speaker 03

  Totally. It does feel crazy that this is our first time overlapping.

• 6:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes.

• 6:41Speaker 03

  It's like we walked, we were both walking backwards and bumped into each other. We're like, what are you doing on this case?

• 6:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 6:46Speaker 03

  The FBI sent me. Well, the LAPD sent me.

• 6:50Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right. No, absolutely.

• 6:54Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, I've, I've been a fan for a long time, too.

• 6:56Stavros Halkias?

  Thanks, man.

• 6:56Speaker 03

  Truly, I, I, someone was like, you and Stavi are long lost brothers. Just someone sent that text to me and I had no context. I'm like, what do you mean? And then I clicked through a search and I was like, oh yeah, okay.

• 7:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:08Speaker 03

  Mediterranean cousins. Yeah, that's for sure.

• 7:10Stavros Halkias?

  Our lives took slightly different paths. Like I, cause you've been like married forever, right?

• 7:15Speaker 03

  Yes. I've been with the same chicks since college.

• 7:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 7:18Speaker 03

  Over 20 years.

• 7:19Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, college. Wow.

• 7:20Speaker 03

  We started dating junior year of college.

• 7:23Stavros Halkias?

  Holy shit. Where'd you go to school?

• 7:24Speaker 03

  I went to Marist College in Poughkeepsie, New York, which is like a feeder from Catholic high schools in the tri-state. All the coolest guys.

• 7:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:33Speaker 03

  It's just a million chicks named some version of Christina, Christine, Kristen, Kirsten, Chrissy, Carrie. And they all just are PR majors.

• 7:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude. Hell, yeah. And you were both there. That's where you found love.

• 7:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, we found love in intro to communications. Which the irony when we're in couples therapy, that we met as communications majors. And that we cannot figure it out.

• 7:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude. That's, cause I, I always think about that where I'll be like, oh, what if I had just met a wonderful woman in college and I wouldn't have to be this fucking pathetic, constantly trying to get pussy guy? Like I'd literally look at you. I'm like, is that what my life would be like?

• 8:12Speaker 03

  You'd be just chasing, your new pussy would be validation.

• 8:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, well.

• 8:17Speaker 03

  You'd be like, I got the pussy on lock.

• 8:18Stavros Halkias?

  We got that too.

• 8:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:21Stavros Halkias?

  I don't got that either.

• 8:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was a crazy experience being in my early twenties. Like I ended up bonding with like my buddy Adam Pally because he also had a long-term girlfriend that's now his wife. So we were like the only two 20-somethings that had like five-year girlfriends.

• 8:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude.

• 8:36Speaker 03

  So we were like, we can't, we don't want to go out to the bar after. We want, our wives are here. Let's go get dinner or whatever.

• 8:42Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 8:43Speaker 03

  So then we ended up, and then I always felt like kind of mature. And now I'm so glad I wasn't single in my twenties in the early aughts. I'd be like, there'd be like a Reddit thread about me.

• 8:53Speaker 03

  You would have to end up putting in a notes apology and then a donation to some fucking clause.

• 8:58Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, after, yeah, I'd have to fucking do like a, I would have to direct to camera, self held apology. I did not know about the allegations.

• 9:06Speaker 03

  We're taking down all the clips and then we are donating to, I keep wanting to say a charity, but that's gonna make me seem like I'm telling on myself.

• 9:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 9:14Speaker 03

  Rwandan genocide or whatever. It's like, what did he do?

• 9:19Stavros Halkias?

  I just heard about the events in the U C V green room in two thousand eight. I had no idea.

• 9:28Speaker 03

  He's being called the Coney of U C V.

• 9:34Speaker 03

  What does that mean he did?

• 9:37Stavros Halkias?

  Well, they did have a child's improv class and he trained them up into a militia.

• 9:46Speaker 03

  He also fucked a couple of them.

• 9:49Stavros Halkias?

  Coney style.

• 9:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude. No, cuz you were, yeah, I mean, I could see that. You were, you're just a little older and you are from Long Island.

• 10:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, which is its own form of trash.

• 10:03Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. So I definitely think you would have been susceptible to minor sex crimes.

• 10:07Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 10:08Stavros Halkias?

  If you were not in a relationship.

• 10:09Speaker 03

  If I, if it just, if iPhones existed. Period. Like I dodged such a bullet. I remember when my buddy got a digital camera, like a Canon Elf three point two megapixels. It was like five hundred dollars. We were like twenty. This is two thousand and two and he's like, bro, it's the best blackout prevention. And I was like, huh? And he'd be like, look at last night. And we'd be like, oh. And then I was, once smartphones came around, you're like, this is why you have to take selfies. For the next day of like, oh shit, we were at McCoy's Steakhouse?

• 10:47Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking awesome, dude. Yeah, I mean, there is, that is a nice, I guess you did just catch it before the ubiquity.

• 10:54Speaker 03

  When people talk about that elder millennial shit of like being, that just means you printed up black and white JPEGs of naked chicks.

• 11:06Speaker 03

  Are you still using the computer? I'm like, shut the fuck up.

• 11:09Stavros Halkias?

  I have a science project tomorrow.

• 11:11Speaker 03

  It's just Jenny McCarthy, standing, topless, no background. Cause if it had a background, it would be like, eat all the ink. And you're like, who the fuck ate all the fucking ink?

• 11:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. You taught yourself how to use MS Paint solely to remove backgrounds so you could print tits easier?

• 11:28Speaker 03

  Like, that is just such a specific time in technology when I was like, yes, you can find pornographic images online, but I still can't jerk off at the family computer. So I have to like, print and then hide. So it's like, the bridge between magazines and Pornhub.

• 11:42Stavros Halkias?

  I jerked off to the, at the family computer.

• 11:45Speaker 03

  Oh, I eventually got into, I, I, I used to, we had like a, the, the first big screen I've ever seen when we moved at 14, to one of those, like, you can't have the wind, like, you can't have the shades open when you try to watch it, cause it's like, barely, it's like, just a low lamp that makes it. And it's like, 700 pounds.

• 12:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 12:02Speaker 03

  And it had a VCR on top of it. And this was the era of VHS porn. And we would have one in the neighborhood. So if you were like, staying homesick from school, you'd be like, hey Dennis, leave it behind your pool. And you'd have to like, sneak out, get the VHS tape, bring it back to your house while your parents are at work. And I was beaten off so much to VCR porn that there was a blue screen that said auto-tracking. I gave myself like, a Pavlovian hard-on, to the, like, point when I would like, rent a movie with my family and put in a movie and say, auto-tracking, my body would be like, let's fucking go.

• 12:33Stavros Halkias?

  Your dick would start getting hard. That's like, you're about to watch an officer and a gentleman with your mom, and your dick is getting hard.

• 12:40Speaker 03

  My dad's like, are you hard at the beginning of Commando, again?

• 12:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. It's just beautiful, the life he's carved out, with his daughter.

• 12:50Speaker 03

  Poor Alyssa Milano, I hope she's okay.

• 12:55Stavros Halkias?

  It's, this is a boner of fear, for the child.

• 12:58Speaker 03

  For what might happen.

• 13:00Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, dude, yeah, that's, that's fucking hilarious. So, this, and do you remember what the porno was?

• 13:05Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 13:06Stavros Halkias?

  Was it a specific one?

• 13:07Speaker 03

  There was two that we had in the neighborhood for a long time, and, and it was Passenger 69, Part 2.

• 13:13Speaker 03

  Which featured a, honestly, it might have been shot in this studio. Like, it featured a fake sixty-nine on a parachute scene, so it was like, they were sixty-nining with just two ropes going off camera, and fan, audible fans blowing on them, as if they were skydiving with it, it was so awesome. And it's so funny, we had like, we had like the two removed from a good porno, you know what I mean? Where I would have killed to just have like, it's four different sex scenes, instead, the other one we had in the neighborhood was called E3: The Extra Testicle.

• 13:46Stavros Halkias?

  And it was like a joke porno?

• 13:48Speaker 03

  It was like a joke porno, it was like, the one thing that we could jerk off to had the main character be a blue guy. And I'm so, this is so-

• 13:56Stavros Halkias?

  And was it a guy whose dick was coming through the blue thing?

• 13:59Speaker 03

  Yes, this is, it's so crazy that you bring this up. I remember nothing about the porno, except they do one like, special effects close-up of his dick, and it's like, blue and pulsing with like glowing and stuff like that, and it's all fake, like a big, like, it looks like the aggro crag on guts or something, it's like, there's like a fucking atmosphere and dry ice or something, and I'm like-

• 14:19Stavros Halkias?

  It's steaming off.

• 14:21Speaker 03

  And you're like, I just wanna see titties, now I've gotta like, be triggered by a blue fucking glowing dick.

• 14:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, and they were like, legally had to make him blue too, they're like, can't be brown.

• 14:31Speaker 03

  Can't be brown, we got sued by Spielberg again, we gotta lose the Reese's Pieces and the girl's asshole part.

• 14:37Stavros Halkias?

  No, they can't be Skittles either, too close.

• 14:40Speaker 03

  We can't say taste the rainbow when he comes out with shit all over his face.

• 14:43Stavros Halkias?

  You can do dots, we negotiated, we can get dots, that's it.

• 14:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, we know it looks like toilet paper when it's in her ass, we can't help that.

• 14:54Stavros Halkias?

  No, raising that smoke work, they'll look like shit, come on, man. That, yeah, we had fat, my dad's porno that we found was Loose Times at Ridgely High. So I also had like a novelty porno, and it was just very, you know, there was obviously a, the Spicola character's really the only one, they par, no, they parodied, everything else was just like, it's just high school chicks.

• 15:17Speaker 03

  There's like a weird abortion scene.

• 15:22Stavros Halkias?

  They keep the fucking harrowing abortion scene.

• 15:28Stavros Halkias?

  Where you're like, I remember being a kid and being like, nice, there's probably, I remember like, you hear about the, you know, you see in, uh, what's your face's tit, the famous Phoebe Cates is like, I'm like, yes, dude, I see your fucking tits, I'm, Spicoli's hilarious, you know what I mean? I'm like, I'm so bummed this movie, and then that girl like gets, ki- not exactly assaulted, but like, it's like weird, it's like an old guy taking advantage of an older guy.

• 15:55Speaker 03

  It doesn't let you enjoy, dude, the amount of movies from our childhood, like, we watch a lot of old movies on Action Boys, uh, my podcast, and-

• 16:02Stavros Halkias?

  Action Boys is great, by the way.

• 16:03Speaker 03

  Oh, thank you so much.

• 16:04Stavros Halkias?

  I will fucking, I don't like to listen to comedy podcasts, but I got into, I got into like, uh, you know, and then I was like, listened to a lot of sports stuff, but then I got really into like, I'm just watching so many movies over the last year, I took time off touring, and I was just looking for shit to like, you know, I was just trying to find stuff, and I didn't even know you did it, because it was, you know, Patreon, I guess, and it's kinda like, but I found the, like, uh, the ones you put out for free, and it's so fucking funny, you guys are fucking hilarious.

• 16:32Speaker 03

  Thank you, man.

• 16:33Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, the, the, the, so now every time I'll just like, if I watch an action movie just for fun, I'll be like, I will, like, a couple days later, be like, I wonder if they checked it out, and I'll just, I'm on the Patreon now, I'll just search it. So that's, I don't wa- listen to Chronological, but I'm like, whenever I, because I feel like we have very similar taste in movies.

• 16:50Speaker 03

  Oh, sure, yeah.

• 16:50Stavros Halkias?

  So whenever I just happen to watch fucking, like, we just watched, um, fuck, what did we just watch, Aldous? With Harrison Ford?

• 16:58Speaker 04

  Oh, uh, Air Force One.

• 16:59Stavros Halkias?

  Air Force One, and I was like, there's no way they haven't done Air Force One.

• 17:04Stavros Halkias?

  And then I was like, alright, hell yeah, dude.

• 17:06Speaker 03

  That's so awesome, man.

• 17:07Stavros Halkias?

  So anyway, but yeah, that's a, that's a great podcast.

• 17:09Speaker 03

  You watch, you watch a lot of these old movies, and you're like, I remember there being titties in this movie when I was a kid, and then the titties are during like, a sexual assault, right? And you're like, oh, wait a minute.

• 17:18Stavros Halkias?

  She's being held hostage, she's scared.

• 17:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, could that have really fucked my brain up, being, I, so, the times I saw tits in movies were attached to violence against women?

• 17:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's very possible.

• 17:28Speaker 03

  And I'm always like, uh, that gives me a hard on, but now when I watch it, I'm like, this is like, they're cutting her shirt off?

• 17:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this why everyone's choking? Yeah. Is this why the whole, our entire, everyone who's this age is choking? I don't want to get political, but it does feel like everyone in power grew up on these movies, but didn't understand like detachment. Like there are people who are like on the cops and Rambo's side. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. There are people who are like, Tony Soprano is right. He's awesome. And back to Blue, by the way. My favorite guy is a mafia guy and also the cops.

• 18:06Stavros Halkias?

  That is fucking. You contain multitudes. You're so smart, dude. Yeah.

• 18:10Speaker 03

  I don't have one. I'll do it though.

• 18:11Stavros Halkias?

  There you go. Hell, yeah. This episode is brought to you by Visible. The smartest upgrade this season isn't a new phone. It's a better wireless plan. Switch to Visible, the ultimate wireless hack. You get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon. We have Visible here at Stobby Baby Enterprises. We love it. We just got a new assistant. She loves it. She's taking all our sushi orders. They're going through the Visible network brought to you by Verizon. It's fast, it's reliable, it's so sick. They sponsor the Stobies World hotline, as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out. Oh my God, they're the best. Switch today at visible.com. The Visible plan starts at $25 a month,

• 18:52Stavros Halkias?

  or get the premium Visible Plus Pro Plan and save $10 on your first month with promo code STOV. Terms apply. Ah, November, what a month. The whole, everything you've been doing all year comes to roost. You're coming right into the holidays. It's getting cold. Why not have a little questionable, little treat in between lunch and dinner? Why not overstuffed the calendar with fun, with family obligations, holiday parties? So much chaos going on. That's where AG1 earns its spot. Not when life is easy and you got time for a whole routine, right now, when everything is full and something has to give. One scoop covers what a full stack of separate supplements would.

• 19:34Stavros Halkias?

  75 plus ingredients, vitamins, minerals, adaptogens, pre and probiotics, superfoods, no cabinet full of bottles, no figuring out what to take and when. And with their new AG1 Pro

• 19:47Speaker 03

  You get the same daily drink now with a performance and recovery layer built in. I'm a first thing in the morning guy. I start my day with that beautiful AG1. Puts a little pep in my step. You know, I'm back on my health journey and it's going beautiful. For a limited time, visit drinkag1.com/stavi and get a free immune support bundle, including omega 3 fish oil and vitamin D3 plus K2 with your first subscription of AG1, Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/stavi.

• 20:19Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, that's, that's Long Island to a T though.

• 20:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, as being a 42 year old guy with a backwards hat and shorts on.

• 20:25Stavros Halkias?

  And be like, the cops are awesome.

• 20:26Speaker 03

  Dude, cops were the most aspirational job of my generation. Like in the eighties and nineties, the stereotype was like, you gotta be a doctor or a lawyer. But on Long Island, it's like a Suffolk County cop actually makes six figures. That was, that's like widely known. The Suffolk County cops are the highest paid cops like in America. And we lived in Nassau, which is a little trashy here, but my family would be like, you know, you could be a Suffolk cop. Acting like that was like going to grad school or something. It's like two years of college, you get a gun and six figures.

• 20:58Stavros Halkias?

  You get a gun, you get all the overtime you want. You work a giant as security, basically shake them down. Just stand there and beat a kid who shoplifts candy to fucking.

• 21:09Speaker 03

  And your kid will just be the worst behaved kid in school because he knows he can't get in like too much trouble. Like always, all the cops kids in my school would be like the speeders, the guys would be like, I'll go pick up all. Well, the one thing you'd like about them is like, I'll go buy all the beer and you're like, oh, hell yeah. Cause you got that PBA card.

• 21:25Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, dude.

• 21:27Speaker 03

  You're Sergeant so and so, you're Sergeant Nunzio's kid. That's what's Long Island. Sergeant Feldman and Sergeant Nunzio's kids are here.

• 21:35Stavros Halkias?

  I know. I love how cops act like justice and the law is like working at Cold Stone and giving yourself an extra scoop of ice cream. Yeah, I get drunk driving. I'm a cop. I work at the drunk driving store. I'm allowed to let myself drunk drive a little bit.

• 21:53Speaker 03

  Dude, I know, I know cops who just drive on the shoulder in full traffic, like on the highway. They're just like, it's fine. It's like, I just want to go to the gym.

• 22:03Speaker 03

  I want to go take tren and do curls.

• 22:07Stavros Halkias?

  If I don't shrug in the next 15 minutes, I'm going to hit my wife harder when I get home.

• 22:14Speaker 03

  I gotta get, I gotta get to 24 hour fitness and then get home in time because my son's private batting coach is coming over.

• 22:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude, that's fucking awesome. The, uh, yeah, I mean, it just is so funny that that childhood must have been like a very funny. Cause Long Island just is such a, it just, being a New York City suburb is such a funny thing to be.

• 22:37Speaker 03

  It's so crazy.

• 22:38Stavros Halkias?

  So close to New York and it is truly a fully different world.

• 22:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think, uh, uh, you know, we, we have a lot of famous comedians come out of there. Eddie Murphy, Jerry Seinfeld, Tim Dillon.

• 22:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 22:49Speaker 03

  Tim Dillon used to say it's 45 minutes away and 45 years behind New York City. And it really is. It just, like, it's full of a bunch of people who go like, why would I go to New York City?

• 23:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 23:00Speaker 03

  You're like, oh, because it's a place where people fly from all over the world to visit because it's like an amazing, like one of the top cities in the universe.

• 23:07Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 23:08Speaker 03

  But I got a Thai restaurant right here, you know, and has it.

• 23:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I got, I got a Thai restaurant. They got the best teriyaki I ever had.

• 23:16Speaker 03

  My fucking, I don't, I'm gonna leave out family members' names, but like my brother eats like, uh, chicken tempura sushi. Like, that's a chicken tender with rice on it.

• 23:28Speaker 03

  Why would I go to the city? Like, it just, to me, it was so crazy. I, I moved to Brook, my pa, my family thought it was crazy that I lived in Brooklyn. They were like, you could live at home and just drive in. And I'm like, no, you cannot.

• 23:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 23:39Speaker 03

  I can't like get coffee. Like, I wanna live this, I wanna live like a city life.

• 23:43Stavros Halkias?

  It is very funny because it's like, there's like, that's not true of any of the other suburbs. If you go to like fucking Westchester, it feels like what you would assume New York suburbs are. It's like, you know, like people just got tired of living in the city, even parts of Jersey. But yeah, truly, Long Island is like, how did you get all the culturally worst parts of New York?

• 24:02Speaker 03

  Yes, and none of the progressive, none of the interesting, none of the art scene.

• 24:06Stavros Halkias?

  It's like you bred it with Ohio, no disrespect, Elvis, but you bred like the parts of Queens that voted for Trump with, with fucking like Cincinnati.

• 24:17Stavros Halkias?

  And you're like, yup, we're gonna fucking, this is where we're fucking go. Actually, that might, that might be disrespectful to Cincinnati.

• 24:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, I think Cincinnati is rightfully offended at that point.

• 24:27Stavros Halkias?

  We had a good time in Cincinnati. Yeah, I don't even know what the crossbreed is, but.

• 24:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, Long Island in the eighties and nineties was fucking cra- it was like, I, like, not a lot of comedians, or the, the circles I run in at the soft ass, like, improv groups. No one was like, you, I was like, you didn't get, like, jumped all the time? And they're like, what are you talking about? I was like, I just jumped all the time. They're like, how? I'm like, I don't know why.

• 24:50Stavros Halkias?

  It just happened.

• 24:51Speaker 03

  My name, my last name is Gabrus. And my, my high school football coach, who was also a history teacher.

• 24:58Stavros Halkias?

  Love that.

• 24:59Speaker 03

  My nickname was Gay Boy. The gym teacher called me Grab Ass. And the fucking dean of admissions called me Garbage. There's three adult men who bullied me. If, like, I, if I didn't fucking shoot up my school, I, I had to do comedy. Otherwise, I was gonna fucking call, once Columbine happened, a lot, so a lot of people in my school would be like, okay.

• 25:21Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting. If only we, if only there was a way to get guns not from black people, because we, we are racist.

• 25:29Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, we're still racist, yeah.

• 25:31Stavros Halkias?

  Like, in their heads, they're like, well, you know, I can get a gun if I talk to a minority. That's the only thing stopping me from shooting up the school.

• 25:39Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking hilarious, dude. So you, so you grow up there in the, like, yeah, you're growing up there and how many, you have brothers, right?

• 25:46Speaker 03

  I have two younger brothers.

• 25:47Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you're the oldest?

• 25:48Speaker 03

  I'm the oldest of three, and my, my dad was a, a stagehand and my mom was a nurse, so they worked, like, create the weird hours, not the traditional school hours. So we were like fucking loose children. Yeah, we were feral. Me and my brother are three years apart, and then we have another brother who's seven or eight years younger than me. Okay. And so we had like a, we would be like, fully experimenting on this.

• 26:12Speaker 03

  Yo, I bet you if we put the hamper upside down with him in it, he can't get out. When I talk about some of the shit we did, my, I see, like, my therapist, like, I talk, I talk like it's funny, and he's like, and so where was your parents during this? I'm like, oh, they were gone for like twelve hours. They're like, I was like, oh, yeah, you know, me and my brother, we used, we had to settle across gloves. One was left, one was right. My brother was a lefty, I was a righty. What'd we do? Tie our other hands together and just fight with one glove each.

• 26:39Speaker 03

  Just straight up tie these two hands together with a karate belt.

• 26:42Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 26:43Speaker 03

  Dude.

• 26:44Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh, Long Island karate, dude.

• 26:45Speaker 03

  You had to. I had a Korean War vet, an Italian guy who had USMC tattooed on his knuckles. And he was my karate, he was my sensei, Sensei Nick.

• 26:55Stavros Halkias?

  Sensei Nick?

• 26:56Speaker 03

  In his garage.

• 26:59Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking awesome.

• 27:00Speaker 03

  Here's the fucking beater.

• 27:01Stavros Halkias?

  Do we have a fucking sandbag? Sorry, just to get you going. No, no, it's all good. Tell me about Sensei Nick, bro.

• 27:07Speaker 03

  Sensei Nick was this straight, like, genzo gangster dude, Korean War vet, USMC on his. And he, me and my brother started taking taekwondo there because he was like a local Freeport guy. And that was like where all my relatives were from.

• 27:21Stavros Halkias?

  I love that he picked up taekwondo. That is the Korean martial arts.

• 27:24Speaker 03

  Yes, right.

• 27:25Stavros Halkias?

  So he's in Korea.

• 27:27Speaker 03

  I'll bring it back and teach it to the worst kids I've ever met. I will teach some of the worst bullies in Long Island, on Long Island, I will teach them how to fight.

• 27:37Stavros Halkias?

  I will empower these bullies.

• 27:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. I will give these two kids the, the ability to kick each other in the face when they're home alone. But the worst part is like, just as we got old enough to think it was gay and we didn't want to do it anymore. My dad started doing it. After driving us to and from.

• 27:53Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, later?

• 27:54Speaker 03

  He got so into it that towards the end of our time there, he started off with the adult class. And so then we were like 16, thinking that the fact that we did karate was corny. Going to my dad's black belt test in a VFW.

• 28:09Stavros Halkias?

  Your dad's fucking fully breaking, fucking.

• 28:11Speaker 03

  I've got a, I've got a picture on my Instagram.

• 28:14Stavros Halkias?

  Here comes mysterious Mo with the sandbag.

• 28:18Stavros Halkias?

  We'll blow your face out, Mo, don't worry. Blur out his hands too. I don't want them knowing what race he is.

• 28:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's why we nicknamed him Mo. It's like one of those, it could be anything.

• 28:28Stavros Halkias?

  Mo really could be anything, truly. I would not be surprised. Could be a little gay Asian guy, could be the fattest black guy you ever met in your life.

• 28:36Speaker 03

  Could be my, short for Mohammed.

• 28:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's everything. There's Italians, there's, I know Greeks named Mo.

• 28:42Speaker 03

  Oh, hell yeah. Mo is a very common name.

• 28:44Stavros Halkias?

  Mo can, Mo can fuck it. It's like that, it's like those like Hispanic guys that also play Taliban guy. You know what I mean? Like, Mo is one of those, like, you could do whatever with Mo, dude.

• 28:55Speaker 03

  There's that dude who's in Training Day who's played like, I, I think he's actually like Polynesian.

• 29:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes.

• 29:01Speaker 03

  He's played like every minority gangster.

• 29:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes, yes. I know that guy. I know exactly who you're talking about.

• 29:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, we went to my dad's black belt test. He's breaking bricks and shit. There was a demonstration. This is one of the, like, my core memories of my childhood. There's a demonstration by a second degree black belt who we only knew as Joey. And he had a blonde curly mullet, like, and he did commas, which are those little sticks with like the hooked blade that look like sickles. He did two of those. He did a routine set to, uh, Snaps, I Got the Power. Which was a song from, uh, Perfect Weapon, in which Jeff Speaklin does that with two sticks to a couch. So it was like, he's like clearly doing a movie reference, like, it's so fucking funny. And he's like.

• 29:50Stavros Halkias?

  He's nice with it?

• 29:51Speaker 03

  And now I, now I'm like, fuck, why didn't I just stick with karate forever? That would be such a cool thing. I'm ba- I, I do take martial arts again.

• 29:59Stavros Halkias?

  You're back. You're back in the zone, dude.

• 30:01Speaker 03

  I've got to the point in my life where I've started caring less about succeeding in the industry and more about like gaining levels, like I'm some sort of RPG character.

• 30:11Stavros Halkias?

  You're doing side quests?

• 30:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm like, I'm gonna learn Spanish and Jeet Kune Do this year.

• 30:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I'm link and I'm fishing all day.

• 30:18Speaker 03

  Right, exactly.

• 30:19Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck figuring out the puzzles. I'm fucking making stews.

• 30:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, that was like, I got like Skyrim and Vaporizer at the same week when I, when I lived in Brooklyn. And I was unemployed and my wife would come out and I'd be like, well, she's like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm making gloves. She's like, what? I'm like, I made like forty gloves. It's like three in the morning. And I'm like, she's like, like, I see it in her face and she's like, you don't even like work this hard on anything in real life.

• 30:46Stavros Halkias?

  You became a glove merchant essentially?

• 30:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, and then you're like, I'm imagining, I'm like, I could probably have learned how to actually make gloves.

• 30:55Stavros Halkias?

  You could have been making bespoke gloves for yourself.

• 30:58Speaker 03

  Or at least walked on a treadmill.

• 30:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so fucking, yeah, that's so, it's funny to think about that era, going through that era with a wife. You know what I mean? Cause I know, I, I went through it with Eldis on our, on our couch in Queens. I'm just fucking playing Red Dead Redemption high as shit. But it's like, I can't even imagine the woman I'm spending my life with seeing me like that.

• 31:21Speaker 03

  Especially if she had like a full-time corporate job at the time. It was like so. I was like having like a lifestyle affair.

• 31:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 31:31Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? Like I had a second family, but that family was just me.

• 31:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 31:35Speaker 03

  Where I'd be like, Noah, while you were gone today, I went to the coffee shop, I wrote, I had that commercial audition, me mom just like, huh.

• 31:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:42Speaker 03

  And all I had to do was make sure no shit was out when she got home. And it would just be like, how was your day? I'm like, you know, like.

• 31:48Stavros Halkias?

  Tough.

• 31:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:49Stavros Halkias?

  I don't even wanna get into it.

• 31:51Speaker 03

  Five hours of Diablo 2, yeah, I know. You don't, I don't need to get into how my rogue is gaining levels through the roof. I finally got the fourth piece of armor and it links up in the green satin. I'm so, I'm Gucci for another, at least another 10 levels. What the fuck? Yeah, sorry, I was in the middle of Starcraft 2 when the weed delivery guy came. And I know our downstairs neighbor's a DEA agent, so I panicked and then we lost. My clan is all mad at me. And instead I'm just like, how was your day? Good.

• 32:19Stavros Halkias?

  Good.

• 32:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's good.

• 32:21Speaker 03

  I, I, I got that, I got, I heard back an email from an agent.

• 32:28Stavros Halkias?

  The email, the email from a manager.

• 32:32Speaker 03

  Oh dude, the time is, when I was younger, the amount of time I would spend crafting emails. And I'd be like, and conclusively, would you think like, you know, I'm like writing it like it's a business. And I'm like, here are seven things I wanted to just, you know, and like they just write back like, yes, let's talk about it.

• 32:49Stavros Halkias?

  Sounds good, sent from my BlackBerry.

• 32:51Speaker 03

  Yes. You spent like 40 minutes going like, dear sir, I better have a joke. I seem too serious here. It's your fat fuck guy that pitched you. You're like, wait, too self-deprecating. I can't believe you wanna read my stupid fucking idea. Here you go. It was always just like, it's about a Long Island scumbag, who likes?

• 33:12Stavros Halkias?

  But guess what? He's got a fucking heart of gold.

• 33:15Speaker 03

  The thing about him, he's hard as gold.

• 33:20Speaker 03

  He actually loves his mom.

• 33:23Stavros Halkias?

  The twist on him is he's in a Long Island ten.

• 33:27Speaker 03

  Who loves his mother.

• 33:28Stavros Halkias?

  That's what makes this a little bit different.

• 33:34Stavros Halkias?

  They're like, oh, great. That's a great idea.

• 33:38Speaker 03

  We have not seen that.

• 33:41Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, dude, I'm still stuck on your dad getting into karate afterwards.

• 33:45Speaker 03

  My dad got really into karate and he he's the one who got me into action movies. He took us to see T two when it came out and I would have been maybe 11.

• 33:54Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, hell, yeah, dude.

• 33:56Speaker 03

  And I'm like, fuck.

• 33:57Stavros Halkias?

  That must have been fucking awesome.

• 33:59Speaker 03

  Dude, this is of the in the era too, where having seen T two was like social currency.

• 34:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 34:05Speaker 03

  Like you go back to school and you can just talk about T two to the kids who haven't seen it.

• 34:09Stavros Halkias?

  Believe me, I was my mom was very strict about shit that we could see. And so I said that was at South Park was big when I was in third grade.

• 34:18Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 34:18Stavros Halkias?

  Cause it was like, and I remember we just could not, you could not, my mom would not allow. She just knew about South. For some reason, if something hit the news in the outrage cycle, my mom picked it up.

• 34:28Speaker 03

  Right. And that's all she had was like some Tipper Gore ass knowledge.

• 34:31Stavros Halkias?

  Totally. And she could, there were a lot of blind spots, but if something got in there and South Park was the fucking coolest thing. It was like cursing and it was a cartoon. It was, and so I remember I did so much pretending I had seen Terminator and South Park.

• 34:46Speaker 03

  You got it.

• 34:46Stavros Halkias?

  Like, oh, yeah, I love that. Like, somebody would make some, I'm like, oh, yeah, that was my favorite part, too. It was like, oh, yeah, I love when they um, they kill Kenny every ep- not sure if that happens.

• 35:00Speaker 03

  I had a friend like that who whatever he, whatever movie you saw, he also saw and his favorite part was something from the trailer.

• 35:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, so. I thought it was so sick when he said, I'll be back. You're like, okay. That's one of 90 seconds that they show on TV.

• 35:16Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, when he was wearing sunglasses, I fucking love that, dude.

• 35:22Speaker 03

  The sunglasses part is sick.

• 35:23Stavros Halkias?

  I couldn't get over the fucking jet leather jacket. Oh, man, it's just so much good stuff.

• 35:29Speaker 03

  My dad was so into these action movies and he got us into them and of course, all the martial arts movies of the times like the Van Damms and the Sagals. But then my dad like accidentally, I don't know about accidentally, but unbeknownst to us at least, started like adopting a lot of Sagal mannerisms.

• 35:46Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 35:46Speaker 03

  He definitely like aspired to be him. There was a period of time where my dad had his hair pulled back into a rubber band. In like the mid 90s, he's like 50. He's got a beard and he, I'm not exaggerating, starts whispering all the time.

• 36:00Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god.

• 36:02Speaker 03

  He like starts getting into like talk soft, carry big stick Sagal shit. And I remember a fight with my mom, with his, him fighting with my mom where my mom's like, what? What are you saying hon? I can't hear you. Jesus Christ, you think you're fucking Steven Sagal? He got so like, my dad was so mean and he got so mad at that.

• 36:22Stavros Halkias?

  She got him.

• 36:23Speaker 03

  Cause he would always just be like, Johnny, Johnny. And like you're in the car and I'm like, what? I'm all the way in the back of the minivan. I can't fucking hear you. Johnny, you wanna go to a pizza parlor tonight? Why are you talking like that?

• 36:35Stavros Halkias?

  Holy fuck.

• 36:36Speaker 03

  My dad was one of those like.

• 36:38Stavros Halkias?

  That's incredible.

• 36:39Speaker 03

  Yeah. He was like a crazy alpha guy who would always be like, you know, wouldn't sit with his back to a door at a restaurant.

• 36:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he's gotta, he's gotta survey all the exits.

• 36:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 36:49Speaker 03

  He's like, if you ever had a fight Johnny, you hit the biggest guy first and see if they can sort it out after that. And I'm like, okay, if I'm ever getting jumped by multiple guys in prison, thank you dad.

• 36:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 36:59Speaker 03

  And then like some of the shit came in handy. Like I remember one thing he always told me was like, if you're ever gonna whale on a guy, don't put your fingers like this. You can sprain all eight fingers. And I remember being like, thank you. And then like one day I'm fighting this fucking like weird freak in school and I just like, just do like double hammer fist. And I was like, yeah.

• 37:19Stavros Halkias?

  But like he was worried you would try and hit him like this?

• 37:21Speaker 03

  Yeah. He said he ax handled someone like that when he was a kid and like broke like three of his fingers.

• 37:27Stavros Halkias?

  What the, where was he, did he grow up on Long Island too?

• 37:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:30Stavros Halkias?

  Oh wow.

• 37:30Speaker 03

  My dad was uh.

• 37:31Stavros Halkias?

  How many generations Long Islander are we talking?

• 37:33Speaker 03

  Dude, here's the uh exclusively, it goes back like, cause my, my dad's side of the family, this is where it gets complicated. My dad's doesn't know his real dad, he left him when he was young, but my dad's mom was like only educated up to like second, this is my grandma, only educated up to second grade. Now this isn't like the antebellum South.

• 37:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 37:54Speaker 03

  1940s New York.

• 37:56Stavros Halkias?

  Holy shit.

• 37:57Speaker 03

  She was, they lived on the last like potato farm on Long Island.

• 38:01Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 38:01Speaker 03

  My dad's side of the family is, is so special. It's like, it is like, I should, I should write like a Running with Scissors, David Sedaris book about it, but it wouldn't even be funny.

• 38:12Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 38:13Speaker 03

  That's okay, man. Like, we're all proud of you. And you, and you can read?

• 38:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Holy shit. And they were like, what, immigrated to Long Island?

• 38:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know, cause, cause they were all also like crazy liars.

• 38:26Stavros Halkias?

  Oh wow.

• 38:27Speaker 03

  My, my mom's side came from Naples, Italy in like the early 1900s, late 1800s or whatever. But they're all stagehands in New York, which is like, like if the Irish are to cops in New York, Italians are to stagehands. It's like a mafia adjacent job.

• 38:45Stavros Halkias?

  That's their union, that's the union job they got.

• 38:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like longshoremen and stagehands.

• 38:48Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 38:49Speaker 03

  All, all of my cousins are all like, I work off Broadway, I'm doing the, the amazing John, I went to see the amazing Jonathan for free. Cause my uncle was doing the grips.

• 38:59Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking awesome. So you probably have like a Ginzo cousin that's like working on Colascolas, Mary Todd Lincoln.

• 39:06Speaker 03

  I guarantee someone in the Valentino empire. Yeah, dude, I have so many, like I have so many cousins that have a name that just ends in Y. You know, I got like six Nickies, Tommies, Johnnies, Joey's, like everyone like that. And so they're, they're all uh stagehands on that, on that side. Then my dad's side is all just like some sort of welfare scam.

• 39:29Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting, interesting.

• 39:31Speaker 03

  That's the house where on Thanksgiving, when I was like 11, the police came in riot gear and broke up like a full-blown family rumble.

• 39:39Stavros Halkias?

  Riot gear?

• 39:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, like they had like the helmets and like the shields and the sticks.

• 39:42Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god.

• 39:42Speaker 03

  Arresting like my dad and uncles.

• 39:47Stavros Halkias?

  The family fucking.

• 39:48Speaker 03

  It was a full blown.

• 39:49Stavros Halkias?

  The family fight. And what are they arguing about?

• 39:51Speaker 03

  They were, someone pantsed my grandfather and he started crying. And he was a German immigrant. And he was in alcohol, like they were all, obviously there's an umbrella of alcoholism over here.

• 40:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, of course, of course.

• 40:04Speaker 03

  And my grandpa got pantsed and he started crying. And then my dad, I guess it was one of the uncles did it. My dad like attacked him. And they're like, let's take this shit outside.

• 40:12Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god, dude.

• 40:12Speaker 03

  And then he's like one of six. So all of a sudden like, it was like a brother rumble.

• 40:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 40:16Speaker 03

  They're that level of trash where they're like, this is my friend Marty. He lived on a bunk bed with us in this house for 10 years. And it's like, what? And he's like, that guy's in the fight. And it's like, there's like just 50 year old men.

• 40:27Stavros Halkias?

  Love that dude.

• 40:28Speaker 03

  A distinct thing I remember was my father kicking the shit out of his little brother, my uncle. And then I was like, dad, that was crazy. You were punching uncle. Leave names out of this. Punching uncle in the face like dozens of times. He's like, he's lucky. Cause I could have kicked him. And that's what my dad said. Like I, I treated my, my little brother right by just punching him in the face. In front of his kids and mine.

• 40:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're making some real memories there. Dude, pantsing your father and starts crying and then you fight your brothers over it is fucking insane, dude.

• 41:01Speaker 03

  It's aspirational almost. It's like.

• 41:03Stavros Halkias?

  No, you're right. You're right. What you said about the fact that it's like you're, that your family even figured it out. It's incredible that your dad just held down a job. I guess your mom got him the stagehand job?

• 41:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, my mom's dad told my dad, if you get a GED, cut your hair. I'll let you, I'll get you a job and then you can marry my daughter.

• 41:22Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 41:23Speaker 03

  And my dad was like, fuck it, you know?

• 41:24Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 41:24Speaker 03

  My mom was a little bit of like an, an Italian American princess.

• 41:28Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 41:29Speaker 03

  They had like the plastic furniture.

• 41:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 41:31Speaker 03

  And like, you know, oh, she goes to Catholic school and she's a, she's on the dance squad.

• 41:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:37Speaker 03

  She, she's like, she's 15, dating a guy five years older who's a high school dropout. You know, it's like, that's my dad.

• 41:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's the, that's the Long Island like fairy tale.

• 41:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, my dad had maybe the most Long Island job of the seventies you could possibly have. He was a car dealer, car detailer and boat valet.

• 41:58Speaker 03

  Down on the dock, he'd jump onto like rich guys boats and help to park it.

• 42:03Stavros Halkias?

  Just fucking smoking a cigarette.

• 42:05Speaker 03

  His big story was Johnny, one time this millionaire had only had uh flip flops and they wouldn't let him in the restaurant. And he gave me a hundred dollars to borrow my shoes.

• 42:16Speaker 03

  He told me that like this was like, I met a king.

• 42:20Stavros Halkias?

  The Pope blessed me once. Pope John Paul touched the fringe of my khakis. And ever since then, I never, I only had luck when I wore those pants.

• 42:32Speaker 03

  And that man, Jeff Hostetler.

• 42:37Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking awesome, dude. That fucking rules.

• 42:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, that good, it sounds like you did good, man, marrying into the, you know.

• 42:45Speaker 03

  What was Baltimore like growing up? Like what, what, what crews were you running in? Like what was, what were you and your friends doing?

• 42:51Stavros Halkias?

  It was interesting because Baltimore, it, you could have such a range of outcomes because even between me and my brothers, like our adolescence were all three of us had something different going on. Cause I was just like, I just tested good on like standardized tests and shit.

• 43:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:08Stavros Halkias?

  And if you went to your public.

• 43:10Speaker 03

  Another thing making me a long lost brother is.

• 43:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That like people thinking you're smarter just because your brain worked in that specific way.

• 43:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think I was just as smart as I am now in like sixth grade and they were like, this kid's a genius. And then I just like leveled out hard.

• 43:25Stavros Halkias?

  My reading comprehension has only dropped. Dude, I've read full books and then been like, and then like been in my fucking like Kindle library and be like, oh, what's that? And I'll be like 90 pages in and be like, I have read this before. Like that's how little I fucking remember, how fucking stupid I am. Or I'll read a book and be like, that was awesome. And I'll like recommend it to elders. He's like, what's it about? I'm like, um. It's a, there's a fucking guy and somebody, um, it's in Ireland.

• 43:55Speaker 03

  Like, it's a girl and she's gone? I, I can barely remember the details.

• 44:02Stavros Halkias?

  But it was so, I went to like, the, like, you tested into, from, from elementary school, you would have to take tests and then you would basically legitimately, depending on how you did on this test in fifth grade, a lot of your future is decided, which is so fucked up.

• 44:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like some, it's like some standardized version of like, uh, race sorting slash like, called like, redlining, that shit is so real.

• 44:29Stavros Halkias?

  It's crazy, cause so like, you, I, I tested well and I got, there was literally like, three good middle schools in the whole system, right? And I went to the best one and my brothers went to like, the third best one. But even that, even the drop off from that was fucking nuts, dude. Like, I, my shit was like, kids from my classes went to like, hard, they were truly like, kids that, it was the smartest kids in, and dude, it was actually nice to get into that class, cause I was the dumbest kid in my class. And that was a freeing feeling. In elementary school, you know, I only had to compete with fucking idiots like Eldis. I was the smartest guy in fucking elementary school. And then you get there and I'm like, oh, these kids are so fucking smart. I'm gonna cheat and fucking just have a good ass

• 45:14Stavros Halkias?

  time. And it really laid out my whole life. I just copied their homework. I was the dumbest guy in the smart classes. Um, and, and so I didn't really like, get into anything fucking wild until even like, like, like the end of high school. Whereas like, my brothers, it was like, at their school, kids were getting stabbed for Pokemon cards. A pregnant teacher one time was trying to break up, like, there's a kid in the hall trying to fight or whatever, and she tried to, uh, break it up and a girl like, elbowed her in the stomach and this bitch fucking cold cocked the child. Cause she was pregnant, she was like, I'm, you don't touch my fucking baby. And she literally like, ice, like knocked this little, this girl out fucking

• 45:57Stavros Halkias?

  cold. It was like, and so, the crew was like, I, and me and Eldis were friends from like, elementary school. And it was like, we had, we basically had like, essentially a long distance friendship. And we had another one of our buddies, the, the elusive Big P. Who we'll never bring up. He'll, he doesn't want his name out there. We would fucking all hang out and like, you know, and I was just kinda like, I went to Greek youth, like Greek youth, like, uh, after school shit and like you would get drunk with those kids. But it was like, it was pretty tame in that I was fucking scared of the shit going like, you know, of everything going, and my parents, we were test tube babies and it took them forever to have kids. And so they were like,

• 46:41Speaker 03

  A little older.

• 46:42Stavros Halkias?

  Everyone will kill you. Everything will kill you. Like they were so scared.

• 46:45Speaker 03

  So blessed that you were like, they got you.

• 46:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes. They were so protective and like, don't, you can't, like, we weren't allowed to like walk to like the rec center until I was like, you know, 14 or something. So I was like, and then it was like, and then, you know, once you get the fucking, once we got, once I was whipping my mom's Dodge Grand Caravan.

• 47:05Speaker 03

  Oh, hell yeah. Very familiar.

• 47:07Stavros Halkias?

  Then we're fucking smoking weed and listening to Lil Wayne and getting no pussy whatsoever.

• 47:11Speaker 03

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 47:11Stavros Halkias?

  But it was just pure.

• 47:12Speaker 03

  See another parallel.

• 47:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, we, we were, we were drinking, listening to Weezer, getting no pussy.

• 47:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, my, I, I went to like a all black and Hispanic, uh, school system up until I was in like sixth grade. I was just like one of like five white kids in the grade.

• 47:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:29Speaker 03

  So I was only ever being bullied just for being white.

• 47:31Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 47:32Speaker 03

  And I was just kind of like, felt normal.

• 47:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 47:34Speaker 03

  Then when I moved, like my, when my mom, this is like the most fucking, this is like the dark side of the American dream. It's like my mom got a second income and we moved to like two towns over to a much better school system. Uh, and then it was way more white kids and then I was bullied for who I was.

• 47:52Stavros Halkias?

  For being a loser.

• 47:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, and then all of a sudden I was like, oh no, I have like no defense to this. These people are like, you're a fuck. And I was a new kid. So then I latched on to what we are still all friends to, three 43 year old guys called the nerd herd. And we, we still are on a text thread where it's about video games and about Diablo.

• 48:09Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, it sounds very similar, yeah.

• 48:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, we like, I found these dudes and we like stuck together and started playing Dungeons and Dragons. But then in seventh grade, we were just enough of like,

• 48:21Speaker 03

  Almost like we were freaks that were entertaining. We got like, kinda jesterized.

• 48:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 48:28Speaker 03

  All the cool kids would be like, "We're drinking at Martin Avenue tonight. Do you guys want? We'll buy you 40s. You come hang out."

• 48:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 48:34Speaker 03

  Cause everyone of, everyone in our grade had older brothers, except for like, us freaks. We're the old kid. So the older brothers in the high school would, they already like, full back their way to a social life.

• 48:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 48:45Speaker 03

  So in ninth grade, starting in seventh grade, we were just drinking every Friday and Saturday night.

• 48:50Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah, dude.

• 48:51Speaker 03

  And in hindsight, being bullied.

• 48:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 48:55Speaker 03

  In hindsight, being like, "Yeah, remember when Mike's older brother made me do the truffle shuffle on the diving board in front of all those girls? And I started crying?"

• 49:04Speaker 03

  And I was like, "How funny was that?"

• 49:05Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, that was so funny.

• 49:07Speaker 03

  When I think about it now, I'm like, "Oh my god."

• 49:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 49:11Speaker 03

  The older brother, he used to play a game called Gaylord.

• 49:14Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:15Speaker 03

  And the way Gaylord worked was, it was a swimming race.

• 49:17Stavros Halkias?

  Love it.

• 49:18Speaker 03

  And whoever lost had to go up against the fence with their pants down and get a basketball thrown at them. This guy was six years older than us. We were 14, racing against his 20-year-old. And he's like, "I win. Line up."

• 49:30Stavros Halkias?

  This guy was 20, hanging out with 14-year-olds?

• 49:33Speaker 03

  Just absolutely bullying us. My friend's older brother.

• 49:36Stavros Halkias?

  Jesus Christ.

• 49:37Speaker 03

  They did something called the Stamp of Approval, which was he just pulled your shirt up and slapped you on the back.

• 49:42Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god.

• 49:42Speaker 03

  So we were like the Uruk-hai. We all had like these big ass handprints on our back.

• 49:46Stavros Halkias?

  They're like, "It's so awesome being cool." You're like, "I'm so, finally making friends, mom and dad. I don't need to go to Taekwondo anymore."

• 49:55Speaker 03

  We would be like playing D and D in, in his basement at a sleepover, and then the older brother would like, come home drunk with like, five cool kids at, who in hindsight were absolute dirtbags.

• 50:05Stavros Halkias?

  Just pieces of shit.

• 50:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, they were cool because they had rims and speakers and jobs, even though like, being, having a full-time job instead of high school.

• 50:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 50:12Speaker 03

  It's not like, but to us, it was like, "This guy fucking cool."

• 50:15Stavros Halkias?

  Believe me, dude, that's the one, that, another parallel is like, Greek people, half the kids' dads just had carryouts. And like, had diners or carryouts. So it was like, the kids that were awesome, had the job they have now, when they were 16.

• 50:29Speaker 03

  Right, right.

• 50:30Stavros Halkias?

  They were like managers of a shitty pizza restaurant. They had Nextels. They had like fucking used BMWs. They were getting pussy. And I was like, "Dude, they made fun of me for going to college." They were like, "What are you going to college, pussy?"

• 50:44Speaker 03

  Bro, I'm already making 57K a year.

• 50:48Speaker 03

  You're like, gets an unfathomable number.

• 50:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude, I remember being like, one day, maybe I make forty five K a year, get a house in Greek town, like that's, I couldn't fathom moving when I was like, you know, until I was like, I guess I went to college and I was like, you just can meet, even though I went to a shitty small school, you just meet enough different people.

• 51:08Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 51:09Stavros Halkias?

  That it's like, but I remember how parochial it felt where I was just like, yeah, maybe someday I can live, I never even, at first I was like, I'm gonna stay in Greek town, I'm gonna just get a nice job.

• 51:18Speaker 03

  I couldn't, I, I just imagined being wealthy enough to move closer to the beach.

• 51:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 51:23Speaker 03

  That was like, that's all I had, was like, I'm not gonna leave Long Island.

• 51:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 51:26Speaker 03

  I know mom's a ten minute drive from Jones Beach, but what if I was a five minute drive? You know, I wasn't dreaming of on the beach, that was for a different class of people. That's crazy. Uh, that's so fu, I, I think about this, I went to that, a small college outside of New York solely because this is like where my mom's like, this is cute and it's less than three hours away.

• 51:43Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 51:43Speaker 03

  In hindsight, but I remember being like in my early twenties in New York, walking past a bar on Saturday and college football's on and I just like stop and look in and I see that there's a University of Hawaii playing and I go to my buddy, I'm like, they have colleges in Hawaii? And he's like, yeah, I'm like, what the fuck? And then I just like, in that moment, realized I can do anything.

• 52:03Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, believe me, I only applied to the University of Maryland, the University of Maryland, Baltimore County, which is where I went, and Johns Hopkins, which was like the good school. That was me thinking, which is in Baltimore City. And I got waitlisted at Hopkins and I got into the other tube and UMBC gave me a scholarship and I was like, guess that's where I'm going. And then I remember, I actually remember this moment of listening to, and I also just went to college because my parents, I'm an immigrant, they, I was the first person in my family, like, it's the only reason I went. And I remember listening to, I think it was Donald Glover's, uh, Maron, and he talks about how he went to NYU for comedy writing? And I was like, the same moment of you with Hawaii, I was like, what the fuck?

• 52:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, the dream.

• 52:45Stavros Halkias?

  I was like, I could go to school for, I don't have to pretend to care about history and then do shitty open mics? I could have just gone to school for fucking comedy, I mean.

• 52:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, NYU, NYU kinda broke me open too, when I started doing UCB classes at twenty two.

• 52:59Stavros Halkias?

  And you meet all those kids.

• 53:00Speaker 03

  And I'm meeting like my buddy Dominic Dierkis and he's like, yeah, I've been in UCB classes since I was seventeen.

• 53:05Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right.

• 53:06Speaker 03

  I'm like, oh, you're twenty two and got the fucking world, like, oh, fuck you, man.

• 53:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:11Speaker 03

  I'm moving to the city, I'm living in a fucking loft that's getting set on fire like every weekend.

• 53:17Stavros Halkias?

  Was that, yeah, what's your first move to New York? What's the, what's the setup like?

• 53:21Speaker 03

  I moved to, uh-

• 53:22Stavros Halkias?

  You graduate, I guess?

• 53:23Speaker 03

  I gra- I do graduate. I live at home for like nine months. My first summer home, I worked Monday through Friday as a P A at V H one. And then Saturday and Sunday, ten hour days at the beach, because I couldn't give up my lifeguarding job. Because even to date, I've been a travel show host. I've been on Drunk History. I get paid to talk about action movies with my friends.

• 53:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 53:43Speaker 03

  And lifeguarding is still the best job I've ever had. I'm on, I'm on the L A Fire Department email list about the lifeguard test. Because this is my midlife crisis shit. Is I'll get on test and the T R T. And just become a fucking roided out lifeguard at forty-five.

• 54:00Stavros Halkias?

  Why? Let's all return. Who are we pretending, dude?

• 54:03Speaker 03

  I, I would be so, like, you could still podcast as a lifeguard.

• 54:06Stavros Halkias?

  No, of course. Action Boys, you'd be better at Action Boys if you were on T R T. You would be literally, it would be better.

• 54:14Speaker 03

  I could use my business account to buy my T R T.

• 54:16Stavros Halkias?

  You would understand it in a, you would tap in in a primal way if you were a fucking, a guy from Long Island in his forties on steroids. That should needs to be watching mid-tier Rob Van Damme movies. You know what I mean? Like, that would be fucking perfect.

• 54:33Speaker 03

  That's so true. Also, now that you say it, it's like, most of the successful podcasters in our industry are on T R T as well.

• 54:40Stavros Halkias?

  Apps, are you kidding me?

• 54:41Speaker 03

  All, all the guys with Spotify money, all the bears in caves.

• 54:47Stavros Halkias?

  I don't even know what the fuck Bert's on. He, he told, he told me some-

• 54:49Speaker 03

  Bert's like, I, I took two days off drinking and now I have a six pack.

• 54:56Stavros Halkias?

  He's on some, he's on medicines I haven't heard of. He told me that one, I was like, what is that? He was like, I don't even, he doesn't even know, respect.

• 55:03Speaker 03

  They're like concierge, hospital, wealthy, I know.

• 55:06Stavros Halkias?

  I need, dude, I'm ready to get zamped up.

• 55:08Speaker 03

  I said-

• 55:09Stavros Halkias?

  I'm ready, bro.

• 55:11Speaker 03

  I'm on a text thread with a couple of friends that is exclusively about like, when are you gonna pull the needle?

• 55:16Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, I'm gonna be the fucking guinea pig. Because I'm ready to, I, I took this whole year to try and get, and I lost forty-five pounds.

• 55:23Speaker 03

  Hey, that, that is fucking no joke.

• 55:26Stavros Halkias?

  But, the second, we shot tires, and the second I'm on a, a set with fucking unlimited Uncrustables.

• 55:32Speaker 03

  The second your routine is broken like in the slightest.

• 55:35Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly, dude. Even a little bit. And I have snacks. I gained 20 pounds back.

• 55:41Speaker 03

  And you don't even have to tell me about like, oh, well, I worked today, even if it is being on the set of tires with funny friends. Like, I worked today, so I deserve this.

• 55:48Stavros Halkias?

  I deserve, you know, and it's like, look.

• 55:50Speaker 03

  I had a bad day. I deserved this. I had a great day. I deserved this.

• 55:53Stavros Halkias?

  And then you get into like, well, I had a bad day today. I ate, I ate kinda bad. I'm not gonna eat healthy for dinner. When I get home, I'm getting Popeyes. Yeah. Today's over.

• 56:03Speaker 03

  Sunk cost.

• 56:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, as if it's like a, it's like a past fail situation. And it's not amount of calories ingested. I'm like, well, today goes in the X column. Tomorrow will be a check.

• 56:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like getting like the fourth star in GTA. You're like, fuck it, I'll use a bazooka on the helicopter.

• 56:23Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right.

• 56:24Speaker 03

  Rather than trying to cool off and like, switch to salad. You're like, I'm fucking annihilating my innards tonight.

• 56:29Stavros Halkias?

  I'm getting two, uh, three pieces, cause I've done the math and it's cheaper that way on Uber Eats. Thanks to this way the specific Astoria Popeyes lists their chicken. Like, I know all the little tricks. On this way, you get the sauces for free.

• 56:46Stavros Halkias?

  And you don't have to pay. They have crazy upcharge on their sauces. But if you get two separate ones, they each come with two sauces. It's like, you know that level of fucking eating like shit.

• 56:57Speaker 03

  I know I saved four bucks. Yeah, I pay a $27 service fee. But I saved four bucks and don't have to make eye contact with anyone. Yeah. That's so funny. I literally said to myself, like, in the beginning of the year, I'm like, I'm not gonna do a Zenback. I'm gonna take this year to really, and then like, we are recording this on December 9th. And I turned to my wife today, this morning, I was like, I was supposed to lose weight this year. Like, I remember like I was supposed to move my car.

• 57:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:22Speaker 03

  I was like, oh, well, was I supposed to lose 50 pounds this year? Oh, shoot, I forgot. I put on six instead. Yeah, it's like something I'm constantly thinking about and I don't understand what my hesitancy is.

• 57:36Stavros Halkias?

  I'm with you dude, yeah.

• 57:37Speaker 03

  And part of me thinks it's like, I don't want to be on a medication, but I'm already on blood pressure medication that I could foreseeably get off of if I was ever gonna lose weight.

• 57:46Stavros Halkias?

  And it's like, I have done every other drug. Like now I care about drugs. I used to take pills off of the floor. I just swore.

• 57:55Speaker 03

  That's how I got so pro vaccine. Yeah. My brother, I was like, brother, I drank blue juice for 10 years.

• 58:01Stavros Halkias?

  Me too.

• 58:02Speaker 03

  I'm gonna shoot me up.

• 58:04Stavros Halkias?

  There's no way this is worse than the like, the fucking.

• 58:08Speaker 03

  I ate cicadas for money.

• 58:11Stavros Halkias?

  I know. I don't even trust it. I don't care. I think it's 50/50. It works or it doesn't. But in the 50% chance it works, I'll take it. I rolled the dice on worse.

• 58:23Speaker 03

  I'm not gonna die from vaccine.

• 58:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 58:26Speaker 03

  I got a long list of shit that's gonna take me out before that.

• 58:28Stavros Halkias?

  Me and Eldis smoked fucking codeine.

• 58:33Stavros Halkias?

  We crushed up, we crushed up pills in a shitty gas station metal, essentially a crack pipe, and sprinkled a little horrible weed on it and watched a Tonya Harding documentary.

• 58:48Stavros Halkias?

  Whatever they're doing is not gonna be fun. And by the way.

• 58:50Speaker 03

  In the comics, that would like turn you into a hero or a villain. That would be your origin story.

• 58:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 58:57Speaker 03

  I was at an Arcade Fire, and this is like the whitest 40-year-old guy story ever. I was at an Arcade Fire show at Central Park Summer Stage and I just started smoking weed in like my mid 20s. And a dude turns to me, he's like, you wanna hit it this? And I'm like, oh man, this is awesome. I take a rip. And this, and like a movie, the second I hand it back to him, he's like, it's got that cheese in it. And I was like, oh, that must mean like weed. And then I go back and it must have been like dust or something, cause I just immediately was the most fucked up I've ever been in my entire life. I look over and my, my wife is there who didn't hit it and I'm like, good thing you didn't hit the weed. And she's like, what's the matter? You're so sweaty?

• 59:34Stavros Halkias?

  You're sweating.

• 59:36Speaker 03

  I just like immediately started sweating. And like, you think David Bowie? Bruce Springsteen is gonna come out for the end of the set. I'm like immediately, I was like, I don't know what I just fucking smoked.

• 59:45Stavros Halkias?

  I've never heard of the cheese. It's got that cheese in it.

• 59:49Speaker 03

  Another time in Puerto Rico, I smoked a blunt with some dude and he kept saying, it's got that something and I could not. He had enough of an accent. He wasn't even Puerto Rican. He was like a southern black guy, but his accent was so heavy. I still couldn't tell what he was saying. And, and he's like, I got the, it's what? He's like that monskin. And I'm like, the what? He goes, it hits you right here. I'm like, just smoking it. And I'm like, cool, man. I'm with my buddy Adam and I'm like, should we like really follow up as to what's in here? What are we doing? And we're like, we're at this point of like hospitality where we're like, we have to smoke the whole blunt with him.

• 1:00:23Stavros Halkias?

  You don't wanna be rude.

• 1:00:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, so I've just smoked a whole blunt of like, and I can't truly understand.

• 1:00:27Stavros Halkias?

  I love that you smoked the whole thing. You weren't just like, let me take a little puff.

• 1:00:30Speaker 03

  I should have just gone like, oh, hey, thanks, man. Good hanging out. Instead, I was like, oh, wait, let me try the, it is hitting me right here.

• 1:00:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:37Speaker 03

  My heart is racing and that's good, right?

• 1:00:41Stavros Halkias?

  I know, man. The fucking, the, I've taken this year to be sober and it fucking sucks. I mean, I will do drugs again for sure.

• 1:00:47Speaker 03

  You wait, you did a whole year?

• 1:00:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, pretty soon. So I turned 35 and I was like, I gotta have at least one more year of my life. So like, the last time I was totally sober for a year was probably when I was like 13.

• 1:00:58Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:00:58Stavros Halkias?

  So I was just like, all right, I need one year on record as an adult sober. And I also was on the road and getting so fucked up. And I thought, I was like, you know what? We'll stay for a year and I'll probably not. I'll probably just like being sober, but I do not.

• 1:01:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:14Stavros Halkias?

  And I wanna, but I think I'll probably just stick to just light weed.

• 1:01:18Speaker 03

  That's where I'm trying, that's where I'm trying to get at too. I'm in like a legit like health crisis point in my life, like where I'm like.

• 1:01:23Stavros Halkias?

  Now's the time.

• 1:01:24Speaker 03

  In the pandemic, I shifted my relationship with booze in such a way that I'm very happy with my new relationship with booze. But then I ruined my relationship with cannabis and food. And now I've gotta like get back to some sort of, my dream, this is such old man shit, but my dream is to treat cannabis how normies treat alcohol.

• 1:01:41Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:01:42Speaker 03

  Where it's like, all right, Friday night, I'm done with work, I can get high. Instead of like me driving up to an audition with like a joint in my mouth and like tapping a car, parallel parking and shit like, why do I do this?

• 1:01:54Stavros Halkias?

  Believe me dude, me doing the math of like, all right, if the edible hits now and the show is in six hours.

• 1:02:00Speaker 03

  I'll be coming down if I have an espresso, I'll probably be okay. The first will be a little rough, but by the second show.

• 1:02:05Stavros Halkias?

  It's a fucking 2000 seat theater. These people have like got a babysitter. They've planned it for months and I'm like.

• 1:02:15Speaker 03

  This is the most relatable shit. I always like, if I have to go do a show, the way I like to treat, I tell myself is like, I'll eat an edible on the drive home. And then I get home and I'm high. And so I say to my wife when I'm leaving, I'm like, I'm gonna bring edibles to eat on the drive home from the podcast, because it's Sunday night.

• 1:02:32Speaker 03

  And she's like, didn't you just say it's only 10 minutes away? And I was like, uh, yeah, I'll just wait. You're right, I should wait 10 minutes to come home.

• 1:02:42Speaker 03

  Gotta eat drugs in my car, eat gummies in my car real quick before I drive.

• 1:02:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you set an alarm to go on during the pod and just fucking pop an edible.

• 1:02:51Speaker 03

  That'd be awesome. You have like the Monday through Sunday, like vitamin things and it's just got like weird starbursts.

• 1:02:57Stavros Halkias?

  Pictures of fucking Scooby Doo with 25 milligrams.

• 1:03:05Stavros Halkias?

  That would be all fucking awesome. But yeah, I'm with you dude, because I was thinking about this, where I'm like, I'm looking at the way the tour is set up, because I also don't want to fucking go crazy on the road, but I'm like.

• 1:03:14Speaker 03

  Because it's already, it's already so easy to treat yourself when you're on the road, because you like, feel like shit, or you feel out of whack and you're like.

• 1:03:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're lonely, whatever.

• 1:03:23Speaker 03

  All we have in the lobby is like a fucking steakhouse or whatever.

• 1:03:27Stavros Halkias?

  So I'm just like, alright, I'll smoke weed. I won't smoke weed unless I have the day off the next day. Like, I'm trying to, trying to put some, we'll see, you know?

• 1:03:37Speaker 03

  I've been trying to, I've been, another thing I'm doing, this is again, all weird old man shit, which, this is our huberman.

• 1:03:44Stavros Halkias?

  Are you fat as shit? And can barely control your vices?

• 1:03:49Speaker 03

  You're sauna's cold plunges, forget fucking CrossFit. This is just how you smoke slightly less weed per week.

• 1:03:57Stavros Halkias?

  A little less weed from two of the fattest guys that are.

• 1:04:01Speaker 03

  Take it from us.

• 1:04:02Stavros Halkias?

  Take it from us. Guys have been getting fatter every year, their entire lives.

• 1:04:08Speaker 03

  Welcome back to Two Bears, One Hospital Bed.

• 1:04:15Stavros Halkias?

  But you know what? I have a sneaking suspicion we have some incredibly fat men listening right now.

• 1:04:21Speaker 03

  Oh, I'm positive.

• 1:04:22Stavros Halkias?

  That this will actually help.

• 1:04:23Speaker 03

  Because luckily, here's something that we forget every once in a while. We call ourselves fat all the time. We are objectively overweight gentlemen. We are LA fat. But then when you go to Dallas.

• 1:04:34Stavros Halkias?

  That is true.

• 1:04:35Speaker 03

  You are like a fucking college athlete. These guys get out with that like, like three tiered fupas. You know? You're like sweatpants, like everything is like, you have like pubic hair in their fucking neck. You know? And you're like, okay. I forget, because all my friends are on TRT or wealthy with personal trainers.

• 1:04:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes. Well, no, I remember feeling that when we, literally in Dallas, remember, remember how roomy those booths were? It was the first time we sat in a restaurant, we were like, I don't have to move my side of the table.

• 1:05:09Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:05:09Stavros Halkias?

  A little bit to the other side.

• 1:05:11Speaker 03

  I'm so fucking tired of. Walking into a restaurant with my wife and her going like, yeah, you need to sit over here, right? Like, it's like the reverse of a booster seat. You're gonna go lay on the floor here next to that bowl full of bread and butter. You're like, uh huh, ajaba nobada. As she chokes me out with a chain.

• 1:05:36Stavros Halkias?

  What are you gonna do?

• 1:05:37Speaker 03

  I've been trying to be way more present with my weed, where I'm like, this is the blunt I'm gonna smoke.

• 1:05:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:43Speaker 03

  Let's enjoy it. You know what I mean? And I like try to like settle in because previously I'm just like, dah dah. Like just mind off fucking Baldur's Gate 3, hour 175. And I'm just, oh, chain smoking joints and I'm not, I'm not even enjoying it. I'm just trying to not be sober.

• 1:06:01Stavros Halkias?

  You're just trying to get your head, you're trying to fast forward your brain a little bit.

• 1:06:04Speaker 03

  Just time travel to happiness.

• 1:06:06Stavros Halkias?

  Fully. You're like, maybe in six hours I'll not be depressed. Maybe I won't want to kill myself when I come off this edible.

• 1:06:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, when you're in the fucking pocket on cannabis, your schedule starts looking like, well, tomorrow I have that podcast. It's done at three and then I don't have anything till two the next day.

• 1:06:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:21Speaker 03

  That's like a good 23 hours of just degeneracy.

• 1:06:25Stavros Halkias?

  That's exactly.

• 1:06:26Speaker 03

  Solo degeneracy, like true, like shut the lights off troll life shit.

• 1:06:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:06:31Speaker 03

  You, you, you mentioned opening up your Kindle, the frequency in which I'm like, ooh, Scott Adkins martial arts movie. Sick. That's why it's like, continue?

• 1:06:42Speaker 03

  Watch an hour of this and then you put it on like, oh, I've watched an hour of this multiple times.

• 1:06:46Stavros Halkias?

  Let's, let's run back the first 40 minutes of Revenger. Right now, that's a banger. That's a good one.

• 1:06:54Stavros Halkias?

  All right. Well, look, we've already started giving advice to the fat weed heads out there. Why not keep it moving and really address some of these questions directly?

• 1:07:03Speaker 03

  All right. The premise of the podcast.

• 1:07:05Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course, of course. Yeah.

• 1:07:08Speaker 03

  Now that he stopped talking about his problems.

• 1:07:10Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, we like to introduce our guests so they know exactly who they're dealing with. What expertise you have to help them. And I think you really do here. And yeah, the midway point, some stuff to plug. Action, boys. I'm a fan.

• 1:07:24Speaker 03

  Oh, thank you so much.

• 1:07:25Stavros Halkias?

  Whatever else you want to plug.

• 1:07:26Speaker 03

  You mentioned the Gino Lombardo show. I'm putting out physical media of all 30 episodes of Gino's. I, I made a separate series that was behind a paywall for a long time. But now I'm selling a cassette tape with like all original art from this Long Island artist. And it has all 30 episodes. It's a USB drive that looks like a cassette tape. And that's on sale at gino.gabrus.com.

• 1:07:46Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I'm gonna pick me up one of those.

• 1:07:48Speaker 03

  I, I'm trying, you know, if comedy doesn't work out, I'll sell fucking merch.

• 1:07:53Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, believe me, the first, the only, actually I should fucking plug the calendar. The first successful thing I've done, thank you. The first thing that ever made me money was a nude calendar. Merch is the way to go, brother. Merch is it. Yeah, go check that out. Buy the, buy the, buy the cassette USB, listen to the pods. And yeah, let's take some fucking calls here, Elders.

• 1:08:14Speaker 03

  Football Sundays are at my house this year, so I've been making a Total Wine & More run before every kickoff. And this time of year, I like to bring in some fall flavors along with the beer. A bottle of maple whiskey and a salted caramel whiskey that even my friends who don't drink whiskey end up trying. I get everything I need at the lowest prices at Total Wine. Discover your favorite fall flavors at Total Wine & More. Spirits are not sold in Virginia and North Carolina. Drink responsibly. Be 21.

• 1:08:40Speaker 05

  Quick question. How much of your day is spent typing? Emails, Slack, notes, prompts to ChatGPT. Whisperflow is a voice to text app. Instead of typing, you talk and it types for you. And any app on your Mac, Windows, iPhone, or Android. It takes out the ums, fixes the typos, and the result sounds like you wrote it. Four times faster than typing. So the email that used to take two minutes now takes 30 seconds. Whisper Flow is free. Download it at whisperflow.ai. That's W I S P R flow dot A I.

• 1:09:11Speaker 06

  I will be firing away, bitch. Hello, my name is Amanda. If it sounds weird, I'm currently walking my dog. But I am with the same guy for our 10 year anniversary is coming up, April 2025. We are so happy together. We love each other very much. I never thought this would happen to me, and it fucking did. This guy's a fucking catch. Nice. And context, I am bisexual. He's straight as a fucking arrow. Perfect. And we have talked about maybe opening our relationship strictly sexually to invite a third into the bedroom. No problems there. Definitely a woman. I'm not fucking any other man ever again in my life. Sorry, love you guys. Oh, come on.

• 1:09:57Speaker 06

  And we have talked about it, and Jeff and Len had really fruitful, healthy conversations about it. Love him so much. We've gotten so far. I'm like, we're both kind of ready. And I don't know how to find somebody that would fuck us. I kind of want to watch some other hot chick suck my fucking boyfriend's dick. I'm sorry. And yes, he's my boyfriend. We're not fucking married. We don't want to get married. I don't want to hear any bullshit about that. But like, we just want to find somebody and have some fun. We're both ready for it. We love it. I love him so much. I am his first girlfriend ever. Okay. He's never been in another woman before me. So I want to watch this motherfucker have some fun, you know?

• 1:10:42Speaker 06

  Interesting. I'm not saying I was a slut before we met, but I've got a couple of partners, you know? So, and I've never gotten off before him. Never gotten off. I'm very happy. This is interesting. Um, so yeah, just want some advice. Like, how do you go out? How do you find someone? I don't want to use a dating app. I don't want to fuck him. I don't know. How do you find people that want to fuck your boyfriend?

• 1:11:05Speaker 06

  Let me know. Love you guys. You guys rock. I think I'm on the wrong show.

• 1:11:18Speaker 03

  Wait, what?

• 1:11:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, this is hilarious.

• 1:11:23Speaker 03

  This is wild.

• 1:11:25Stavros Halkias?

  This is awesome.

• 1:11:25Speaker 03

  Is Amanda a real person? Because it seems like she's, she's like created by a male screenwriter. I just wanna watch my virgin boyfriend get his dick sucked by a stranger.

• 1:11:36Stavros Halkias?

  My virgin boyfriend who makes me bust so much.

• 1:11:39Speaker 03

  He's the only one who's ever hit me deep. What the fuck?

• 1:11:43Stavros Halkias?

  You're so right. This feels like an AI-generated. Like, this is like someone's, this is someone's like Joe Pantoliano Matrix fantasy. This is like an incels. This is like a guy who's never gotten pussy. He's like, oh, put me back. I want a bisexual girl. That wants to watch me, let me fuck a girl. I'll kill, fuck, I'll fucking destroy the Nebuchadnezzar.

• 1:12:06Speaker 03

  She needs to not know the steps to make it happen. She needs to reach out to two guys, probably with limited experience and needs to fire this.

• 1:12:16Stavros Halkias?

  I love this. This is like a-

• 1:12:17Speaker 03

  I'd even open Instagram in front of my wife. You're never gonna fucking be able to figure out how to get a third chick.

• 1:12:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yes. No, this obviously cannot be man-driven. You need a woman with the exact kind of mental illness that our friend here has.

• 1:12:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, you need, Amanda needs someone to match her freak.

• 1:12:37Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 1:12:37Speaker 03

  Because then the hus- the boyfriend, not your husband, sorry, I don't wanna give you that bullshit.

• 1:12:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:43Speaker 03

  That seems a little defensive.

• 1:12:44Stavros Halkias?

  We don't believe in the patriarchy here.

• 1:12:46Speaker 03

  That's kinda wild that she's his first lay, too.

• 1:12:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, let's see. Let's say they're in their 30s. They met when they were like 20 or something, you know what I mean?

• 1:12:55Speaker 03

  That's not undeniable. I mean, I won't, like, my wife's my third lay.

• 1:12:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fucked, yeah, that's, that isn't, that's, again, that's what I, when I think about the, like, the multiverse thing, I'm like, seems nice.

• 1:13:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, it's great-

• 1:13:07Stavros Halkias?

  Seems great to not constantly have to fucking-

• 1:13:09Speaker 03

  I haven't worn a condom in 20 years, haven't sweated one minute, you know what I mean?

• 1:13:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yes, yes, I have, I've sweated, I'll tell you that much. We have something similar in the condom department, but I have had a couple sweats.

• 1:13:22Speaker 03

  I too dislike condoms, but I have to deal with that.

• 1:13:26Stavros Halkias?

  But it has come with some sleepless nights. I'll tell you that much.

• 1:13:31Speaker 03

  Just banking on my own lack of motility.

• 1:13:34Stavros Halkias?

  I'm this fucking fat. I drank a lot of Mountain Dew.

• 1:13:39Speaker 03

  I spent my twenties in a Speedo in the hot tub. There's no way. My boys are cooked.

• 1:13:44Stavros Halkias?

  Um, okay, so very interesting setup our friend here has. Um, look, if that's what you want, I'm not gonna dissuade you. Especially since it feels like a nice thing you're doing since he's never fucked another woman. Part of me would say, uh, do you really wanna open up Pandora's box like this? You seem very happy.

• 1:14:05Speaker 03

  Second pussy, like that's hard.

• 1:14:07Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa.

• 1:14:08Speaker 03

  He'd be like, this is awesome. Fucking other women rocks. I'm gonna do more of this. Wait, he's got like, like a kid who's been in like homeschool, going to Baskin Robbins. There's thirty other flavors.

• 1:14:21Stavros Halkias?

  I don't have to get vanilla.

• 1:14:24Speaker 03

  Not saying you're vanilla, man, but even Chuck's your cookie dough gets tired.

• 1:14:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, she's definitely a good flavor. I can tell.

• 1:14:30Speaker 03

  You can tell.

• 1:14:31Stavros Halkias?

  You can tell this woman who makes this call fucks good. No doubt about it.

• 1:14:38Stavros Halkias?

  But look, why, why don't you wanna go on a dating app? I don't understand. Uh, you're bi, right? You, but here's the thing, you're finding a woman to fuck and you're gonna, and obviously you should make, I mean, I've seen, there's couples who are on like Tinder. There's also Field.

• 1:14:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, the F E E L D.

• 1:14:57Stavros Halkias?

  Which seems to be the one where it's like you'll, you're gonna find like, I bet you there are women in your specific situ- not in your, but like-minded women that would find this incredibly hot. That would find the idea of even the like, being the temptress for a man who's only fucked one woman, like this is, this is an erotic setup for freaks where it's like, I think, but I think you gotta open up your mind and go to a more freak, and a more freak-centric thing because- You want someone who wants it to be just about sex.

• 1:15:29Speaker 03

  Sex party situation, or like some sort of.

• 1:15:32Stavros Halkias?

  Even a sex worker, what's going on? Why not? You want it to be purely sexual. You don't want, you don't want him to fucking, you know, get this woman, you know, it's, he's not gonna pretty, it's not gonna be a pretty woman situation.

• 1:15:46Speaker 03

  The barista at your coffee shop.

• 1:15:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you don't want somebody he knows, like, oh, this woman he's had a crush on for, you know, that he's had.

• 1:15:51Speaker 03

  Also, I would say maybe Amanda, don't ask him who he wants, because that might be telling on, because imagine, like, you get that? My wife goes, babe, who do you want to add? And I'm like, your friend blank. She's like, what? You're like, oh, you didn't want me to have that answer locked and ready to go? Your aunt.

• 1:16:11Stavros Halkias?

  Your recently widowed aunt. I think we can get her while she's, while she's fucking vulnerable.

• 1:16:21Stavros Halkias?

  So, yeah, I don't know. I would say, open, you're happy, whatever. I think, treat him to a nice, high-end sex worker. Nothing wrong with that. Or if not, yeah, go to like a freak-forward dating app. I don't know why you're so against dating apps. I would personally say, let this feel less like dating and more like a sexual adventure.

• 1:16:43Speaker 03

  Yes, like an appointment.

• 1:16:44Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly, exactly. Because like, you have a great relationship. I'm a little, you know, we're not, we're not, we're, don't slut shame here, we're not prudes by any means, but.

• 1:16:54Speaker 03

  I'm literally, we're not prudes here, but I am literally out of my depth. I'm hard as a rock and can't focus at all.

• 1:17:04Speaker 03

  This is honestly, after being married for 20 years, this is like seeing the University of Hawaii.

• 1:17:11Speaker 03

  I'm like, wait, there's chicks out there who want to see someone else suck, I think?

• 1:17:16Stavros Halkias?

  There are, but they probably would have fucking like stolen your carburetor when you were playing Baldur's Gate.

• 1:17:22Speaker 03

  Did you delete my Baldur's Gate save?

• 1:17:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:25Speaker 03

  You deserved it. I stole all your fucking Star Wars customizable cards.

• 1:17:31Speaker 03

  Not my Obie's lightsaber.

• 1:17:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:17:33Speaker 03

  That was Black Room. Sorry.

• 1:17:35Stavros Halkias?

  No, it's okay, man. That's okay.

• 1:17:38Speaker 03

  Getting genuinely upset about a hypothetical situation.

• 1:17:42Speaker 03

  I gave myself like sense memory.

• 1:17:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not my fucking card.

• 1:17:47Speaker 03

  What if someone actually did that?

• 1:17:48Stavros Halkias?

  That will fucking piss me off. You guys have a nice thing going. I would keep the variables you introduced to a minimum. Make them purely sexual. That's my advice to you.

• 1:17:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:17:58Stavros Halkias?

  Go, you know, that's, that is hot. I'm not in a relationship.

• 1:18:02Speaker 03

  You would want to present it as like a one time thing with, you know, with in the back of your mind. Hey, if we dig this, we could do it again.

• 1:18:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:09Speaker 03

  But I wouldn't like want to say, I don't think you should say to your partner cold here of like, we're ready to start bringing heads in.

• 1:18:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yes. Dip your toes in the water. Don't cannonball into the waters of strange pussy. Take a little beep. You know what I mean?

• 1:18:21Speaker 03

  Could be really shallow. Could be one of those things where asshole gets caught on the filter. Gives you the pink sock. You gotta be careful.

• 1:18:27Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta be careful. Yeah, this is quite the setup.

• 1:18:32Speaker 03

  I think I like read that shit in like Penthouse. That's the kind of shit when you're like at a sleepover party, you're like, imagine.

• 1:18:38Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, that's my co- that's the wife I want. She lets me fuck other chicks and she eats pussy too. And you know what's hilarious?

• 1:18:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, I just wanted to, I wanted Jenny McCarthy because she had huge tits and like did fake nose picking.

• 1:18:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:18:53Speaker 03

  That's the pinnacle of women.

• 1:18:55Stavros Halkias?

  I really wish that what I, the character I just did isn't what in the back of my mind I hope my wife is like. You know what I mean? Like, I'm like, I'm like holding out hope that I get a fucking, that specific kind of bisexual woman. But probably won't happen. I'm, I'm open for love, even if you're more conventional ladies. And if you just want to suck me off, hit the DMs. Lead with your tits. It never hurts. Next, next question, Eldis.

• 1:19:27Speaker 04

  Hey, Stavros, Eldis, friends. I'll try to keep this short and sweet. So I'm a grad student. At some university in the southeast of the US. And I'm in my fourth year of hopefully four years, maybe five. And I made this friend the first year.

• 1:19:47Speaker 06

  He's in my, uh, he's in my class or whatever of like six other grad mates that were gonna, you know, be graduating together.

• 1:19:55Stavros Halkias?

  Nice man.

• 1:19:56Speaker 06

  And, you know, he's really like my, he was my only friend that I kinda made out of these six people. And, you know, he, he, we got comfortable with each other. He started sharing more and more about, you know, his beliefs and things.

• 1:20:12Stavros Halkias?

  Oh no, oh no.

• 1:20:13Speaker 06

  You know, long story short, a couple of months ago, he kinda confesses to me that he's like a literal Nazi.

• 1:20:21Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 1:20:22Speaker 06

  Or at least a fascist is the word.

• 1:20:24Stavros Halkias?

  What the fuck?

• 1:20:26Speaker 06

  So, you know, I don't know what the fuck to do. He's not my friend anymore.

• 1:20:31Stavros Halkias?

  You don't know what to do?

• 1:20:32Speaker 06

  That's for sure. And I've been ignoring him.

• 1:20:34Speaker 03

  I just wanna watch someone suck his dick.

• 1:20:35Speaker 06

  But my main concern is...

• 1:20:38Stavros Halkias?

  What's up? We see a guy in an SS uniform, put his thumbs in his ass and suck his dick. Is that so much to ask?

• 1:20:48Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, keep going, Elvis?

• 1:20:49Speaker 06

  For sure. And I've been ignoring him and he's been picking me up. But my main concern is, like, do I just let this guy, this fascist, exist?

• 1:20:59Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, what are you gonna do about it?

• 1:21:00Speaker 06

  Like, throughout the world? Not really throughout the world, but, you know, in my program amongst my peers and like just not tell anyone about it? I'm not, I don't wanna report him and play into the whole rights cancel culture bullshit, you know?

• 1:21:15Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, it's a little different, isn't it?

• 1:21:16Speaker 06

  Let me know. Let me know what you guys think I should do. Alright, thank you, see ya.

• 1:21:21Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, this is fucking wild.

• 1:21:23Speaker 03

  This is such a modern issue. I mean, it's also like an ancient nineteen forty's issue.

• 1:21:27Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:21:28Speaker 03

  Somehow it's also now is such a modern issue.

• 1:21:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Yeah, my friend is secretly a Nazi.

• 1:21:33Speaker 03

  In grad school? That feels crazy, too.

• 1:21:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:36Speaker 03

  He's studying like brain size.

• 1:21:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:38Speaker 03

  You know, oh, great.

• 1:21:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:21:41Speaker 03

  He's a phrenologist, uh, PhD.

• 1:21:43Stavros Halkias?

  In my phrenology program. We got, uh...

• 1:21:47Speaker 03

  We found a literal Nazi. My white Argentinian friend.

• 1:21:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. My Argentinian friend Klaus.

• 1:21:58Speaker 03

  This is fucking crazy. And I actually don't know what to do.

• 1:22:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I don't, I don't think it's fucking super cut and dry. I mean, depending on how much of a friend he is. Here's the thing, you always have to make an attempt, I think. Like, we always say have a conversation, even if it doesn't go right. Cause like, sometimes people like this get alienated.

• 1:22:19Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:22:20Stavros Halkias?

  Because like, this might ha- like, how many times do you, like, it doesn't always happen, but there are those like weirdly heartwarming stories where like someone just talks to someone and it's so clear, they became, they weren't a gang because like, no one accepted them, they were abused, they were like, you know, like that shit happens. And like, you know, now, maybe this guy doesn't want to do that. He doesn't want to be the guy who reforms a Nazi. And I also, I also fully understand that.

• 1:22:48Speaker 03

  It's not your responsibility.

• 1:22:49Stavros Halkias?

  It's not your responsibility, but it's like, how good a friend is he? And be like, can you explain to me, like, like, I just, you can have the conversation like, hey, man, it's one thing to have different political beliefs. I just don't, like, it's, I don't think people are inferior, like, where did this start? Like, what is, where is this coming from? Like, I really think, and, and you're my friend.

• 1:23:11Speaker 03

  This is the right move. I think this guy needs to at least hear that you don't want to engage with him anymore because of that.

• 1:23:17Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:23:18Speaker 03

  He needs to know that this is, in your mind, caller, this is the wrong choice that this guy's making. Maybe he hasn't heard that yet. Because no one online is going, hey, I know we're all Nazis in this chat room. But has anyone ever thought about like, has anyone ever met a cool black guy?

• 1:23:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:38Stavros Halkias?

  And so like, dude, will this work? Probably not, right? But it's also like, if it's an actual friend and not, he says it is, right? He says it's like the guy who's stuck around for like six years.

• 1:23:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:23:48Stavros Halkias?

  Um, you know, what le- like, I do think it merits like some discussion of like, you know, what the fuck dude, like, what, for rea- where did this come from? I don't think, you know, you don't strike me as this kind of person. This is very hateful ideology. Like, I don't think, like, I think this shit is fucked up. Um, and have that conversation. He might just, you know, say you're fucking, say you're a libtard. You know what I mean? Say you're a pussy, whatever. They, like, sometimes people are too entrenched.

• 1:24:18Speaker 03

  But the fact that there's some psychology behind the fact that this guy hid it for so long.

• 1:24:22Stavros Halkias?

  For sure.

• 1:24:23Speaker 03

  Cause like, the one thing I know about these guys is they like to share their beliefs.

• 1:24:27Stavros Halkias?

  That's true.

• 1:24:27Speaker 03

  I'm never sitting next to someone at a bar out of town and they turn to me and go like, I'm crazy liberal.

• 1:24:36Speaker 03

  Whatever you believe, the people who are down to tell you what they believe are usually Trump guys.

• 1:24:41Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, come, you know, between you and me, I think we should have maternity leave over, over, I think women should get a year maternity leave.

• 1:24:48Speaker 03

  I say, open the borders.

• 1:24:53Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, I don't know. I mean, this is very, this is fucking weird. And yeah, you gotta, I guess, sort of make the attempt.

• 1:24:59Speaker 03

  I have like a million more follow-ups, cause I'm, I'm curious how this guy revealed himself to be a literal Nazi, or at least a fascist, is the phrase that you used, like, cause those are slightly different categories.

• 1:25:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, neither of them are good.

• 1:25:12Speaker 03

  No, yeah. Yes, exactly.

• 1:25:15Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking good. And, and, and then it's also like, what do you do about it? I mean, certainly you can just, if it comes up, be like, you don't have to snitch, but it's like, you don't have to report him, obviously. I don't know. I mean, at the end of the day, is this guy doing hateful shit, or is he just like, a fucking weird, he also, some of these guys do it for attention. Some of these guys, like, it's like, you know, you, you can tell your friends, hey, what happened? You never hang out with Mark? Well, this motherfucker does this, this and this. And it's like, that's, it is funny because this is, there's an old Mark Norman joke of like,

• 1:25:51Stavros Halkias?

  when someone confesses they're racist to you and you're like, you know, I, I think what you're saying is horrible, but I didn't, I didn't know you think, I didn't think, I didn't know you thought we were this close. Like, it's like, it is like a weird badge of honor how much he likes the guy.

• 1:26:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was. I guess we're better friends than I thought. He's revealing this fucked up shit. But also, I have to walk away now.

• 1:26:11Stavros Halkias?

  But now we'll never, I'll never speak to you again. But yeah, dude, I don't know. I think it's worth it at least. And I do think is like, Incredibly fucked up as this is. You owe one fact finding potential, can I save my friend conversation if he's your true friend? And after that, it's like, alright, man, if you're really fuck, if you're really this kind of a piece of shit.

• 1:26:30Speaker 03

  Someone cares about him and then also if that doesn't work, he needs to know that his beliefs are so disgusting that he's gonna lose what little friends he has in that school.

• 1:26:41Stavros Halkias?

  Truly, because at the end of the day, there is something to that of like, there's like, you have to exist in a fucking society. And it's like, if your beliefs are that despicable.

• 1:26:51Speaker 03

  The most real fucking response is just like, guys, we all fucking have to live here.

• 1:26:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 1:26:57Speaker 03

  Like if you were all in just a dorm room, you'd be like, take that fucking poster down, dude, we all have to live here.

• 1:27:02Stavros Halkias?

  Sucks dude, and then you might fuck him up, you know what I mean? But like, I don't know, you just have to, and yeah, he has to understand that in the real world. Because this, this smacks of radicalized online, maybe this hasn't affected him in real life, who knows?

• 1:27:16Speaker 03

  Because this is not just like, he voted for Trump.

• 1:27:18Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 1:27:20Speaker 03

  This is not just like, I'm a big JD Vance head.

• 1:27:22Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right, right. Which is still like, I would still be like, you like JD? You like that guy?

• 1:27:29Speaker 03

  That's my.

• 1:27:30Stavros Halkias?

  You find him charismatic and think his policies are good, okay?

• 1:27:36Speaker 03

  I loved his book.

• 1:27:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude, but again, at the end of the day, you don't have to fucking save some guy. But it's like, one conversation to fucking try and reach some humanity is fine. And then, you know, don't report unless this guy's fucking, unless there's like a guy who's fucking, you're like, oh, they, some guy threw a brick through a synagogue. And he, and he guesses, maybe then you can say, ah, I got a guy we might want to fucking see.

• 1:28:05Speaker 03

  He just got nominated to be a member of the DEI board. Yeah, I think we should say something now.

• 1:28:14Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, tough dude.

• 1:28:15Speaker 03

  That's fucking crazy.

• 1:28:17Stavros Halkias?

  The rise of Nazi, it's like-

• 1:28:18Speaker 03

  Imagine having like a fascist sculptor MFA or something?

• 1:28:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:28:23Speaker 03

  Someone who's got a graduate degree in there, but they are a piece of shit.

• 1:28:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, and he is a great sculptor. It's like, fuck. It's good stuff, man. Um, yeah, who do we got here? I mean, it is fuck, the Nazi shit is cra- like, I guess we're far enough away from World War II that young people, to them, it's like what the Civil War was for us.

• 1:28:43Speaker 03

  Yes, we're like, I'm a rebel. We can watch Dukes of Hazzard and it's funny.

• 1:28:47Stavros Halkias?

  It might be that, which is fucking crazy. I mean, it's, I mean, in Europe, it's crazy too. I mean, there's Greek people who say they're fascist and it's like, they literally took, like, they fucking took over Greece. They like, it's just insane how much people have forgotten, how quickly people forget this shit. It's like, it's fucking nuts. You're just eat, they're like, you see that and you're like, those guys are a little misunderstood. Like, it's funny that there's, it's crazy in America, there's people that are like, okay, both fascism and communism are bad, but with a couple tweaks fascism could work.

• 1:29:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:29:22Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, that's the one you want to tweak?

• 1:29:23Speaker 03

  Yeah. You refusal, you refusal to tweak the other one, because Russians were communists.

• 1:29:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's like, it is funny, because that is so funny, because we're both big action movie fans and the politics are so atrocious and how they're like, you know, commies, every, commies are pieces of shit.

• 1:29:40Speaker 03

  I watched the show Lioness, this Taylor show, this show that I love. It's so fucking violent and crazy.

• 1:29:45Stavros Halkias?

  That's on my, and it was filmed in Baltimore the first season.

• 1:29:47Speaker 03

  Oh, hell yeah, the politics are bananas. It's like the worst, it's like playing Call of Duty politics where they're like, well, we gotta get in there and kill Saddam. It's like, why? So we can plant the nuclear bomb. You're like, okay.

• 1:30:00Stavros Halkias?

  We know that was a mistake. Like, we have information that that was wrong, a bad move.

• 1:30:06Speaker 03

  Part of this shit feels like, uh, instigator arms race too of like, I, I'm a weird online troll. And it's like, the worst kind of troll you can be is a fascist Nazi. And it's like, look how mad everyone, I trigger everyone when I say this. And you're like, but what you're saying is historic- Like, you're choosing the bad guys.

• 1:30:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:30:26Speaker 03

  Like, how do you?

• 1:30:27Stavros Halkias?

  And, by the way, you're a pussy. Like, that's the other thing, is like, couldn't you actually kill another human being? Could you fucking round up people and shoot them in the fucking head? Or are you a fucking pussy on the internet? And it's like, probably they're just weird trying to, it's, it is the, the like, logical conclusion to trolls. One branch is like, what's the most hated type of thing?

• 1:30:49Speaker 03

  How can I be so offensive?

• 1:30:50Stavros Halkias?

  I could pretend in good faith, I'm, I'm like, supporting it. It's just crazy, it is fucking nuts.

• 1:30:56Speaker 03

  It's banana, like, it, it should be like, you should be persona non grata the second that happens. Everyone should like, get the lineup, punch you in the gut like a movie. And then you're like, everyone's like, alright, everyone in class gets to punch this Nazi fuck in the gut.

• 1:31:10Stavros Halkias?

  He understood, he gets his, he got his lesson. Now let's go back, no more Nazi shit. And it's such a fucking, just, they're all, it's also like lame, it's not fun. It's like, you wanna spend, you're clearly not fucking, right? Like, this, that's part of the insulting, it's like, you wanna get into, like, just getting into any politics is fucking gay?

• 1:31:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, I agree.

• 1:31:32Stavros Halkias?

  But then being like, I'm a Nazi? You think that's gonna make your life more fun?

• 1:31:37Speaker 03

  Honestly, it would be, being like an anarchist would be more trolly, being a fucking crazy socialist would be almost troll at this point. Just choose the one where like, people aren't considered inferior.

• 1:31:47Stavros Halkias?

  I, it's, I know, exactly, it's like, yeah, you could make people mad that way, but, whatever, I guess there is like, it's also wrapped up in like weird.

• 1:31:55Speaker 03

  You could just go say, go Red Sox in a Yankees Reddit thread, too, at least, like, just go do that.

• 1:31:58Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that doesn't hit the same, you gotta be a fascist now, I guess. It is like, you know, it's the way, it's the way we could jack off to printed black and white pictures. Like a troll back then, just be like, the Yankees are gay! And they're like, how dare you!

• 1:32:12Speaker 03

  Get him!

• 1:32:13Stavros Halkias?

  Now you have to be like, here's my ranking of all the races.

• 1:32:19Stavros Halkias?

  It's an arms race.

• 1:32:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, you gotta just like.

• 1:32:20Stavros Halkias?

  Porn is like, kids are jacking off to the craziest shit.

• 1:32:23Speaker 03

  And stepmoms stuck in washing machines. And a return to fucking 1940s Germany.

• 1:32:30Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god. Alright, well, let's see what we got here. Maybe a question about jacking off or something?

• 1:32:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:32:37Speaker 04

  Stavi, you beautiful bastard, what's happening? And shout out to the best producer in podcasting, Mr. Eldis. How are y'all? I hope y'all are doing well. Look, I've got this problem. Um, I met a girl on the internet.

• 1:32:53Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 1:32:54Speaker 04

  And she is drop dead gorgeous. Colombian immigrant.

• 1:32:59Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 1:33:00Speaker 04

  No baggage, no family here, no kids, 10 years younger than me, smoking hot. Always wanted to come to America and find a blue eyed white boy. To just be with for the rest of her life. Sounds awesome, right?

• 1:33:17Stavros Halkias?

  I guess, if we're to believe that, yes.

• 1:33:19Speaker 04

  Well, here's where the problem lies.

• 1:33:22Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, the problem hasn't happened?

• 1:33:23Speaker 04

  I am going through the worst period of my entire life. Just got a divorce, credit.

• 1:33:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're telling me you uncritically believe all of that?

• 1:33:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, you, I thought this was going to be the problem. And then he's like, well, the problem is. Here's where it gets complicated. I'm like, brother, you have sent her so much airline money already. I know you have.

• 1:33:47Stavros Halkias?

  Oh man, alright, respect. Let's see what else he's got.

• 1:33:50Speaker 04

  Be with for the rest of her life. Sounds awesome, right? Sounds great. Well, here's where the problem lies. I am going through the worst period of my entire life. Just got a divorce, credit destroyed because of it. Horribly alone. Go home every night to an empty house. Nobody, nobody there to greet me while, while I'm.

• 1:34:18Stavros Halkias?

  Sounds like a guy who's ripe for a Colombian scam.

• 1:34:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:34:23Stavros Halkias?

  Sounds like the kinda guy.

• 1:34:25Speaker 03

  El Gato Pesco, the catfish.

• 1:34:29Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, this is all she wants.

• 1:34:32Speaker 03

  Not to be the long-term married guy, but I'm relishing in the coming home to an empty house. Sounds nice.

• 1:34:39Speaker 03

  Alone at night, quiet.

• 1:34:41Stavros Halkias?

  I get the fucking.

• 1:34:42Speaker 03

  Choosing your own dinner and movie.

• 1:34:45Stavros Halkias?

  Get to throw on Army of One.

• 1:34:49Stavros Halkias?

  Some early Chuck Norris work.

• 1:34:53Stavros Halkias?

  Free on Amazon Prime right now. Let's just plug that. I haven't plugged my own movie in like eight episodes. Check out Chuck Norris, Army of One.

• 1:35:04Stavros Halkias?

  I keep forgetting to plug my tour and my fucking and my movie, but hey, guys. Check out Bosch.

• 1:35:13Speaker 03

  We plugged Field Reacher.

• 1:35:17Stavros Halkias?

  Banger. Love Reacher, man. Great stuff. All right. All right. Let's keep going here.

• 1:35:22Speaker 04

  Treat me while while I've been gone.

• 1:35:28Speaker 04

  So I feel like my judgment has been clouded.

• 1:35:32Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, we're getting somewhere.

• 1:35:34Speaker 04

  As much as I want it, I know that this is probably a green card marriage. Situation. And I don't know what to do. She's assured me that's not why she's here. She's assured me that she's not here for a green card or a a child that would keep her in the country. But my judgment tells me better, but again, going through the things that I have been going through.

• 1:36:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:36:02Speaker 04

  And being alone for as long as I have.

• 1:36:06Speaker 04

  I don't know if this is a good idea. I need the wisdom.

• 1:36:10Stavros Halkias?

  All right.

• 1:36:11Speaker 04

  Of the beautiful ancient Greek god of the portly gentleman.

• 1:36:16Stavros Halkias?

  That's right.

• 1:36:16Speaker 04

  So holla at you, boy. Let me know. Y'all take it easy.

• 1:36:20Stavros Halkias?

  Wow. Okay. A little self-awareness there towards the end.

• 1:36:23Speaker 03

  I wouldn't normally tell a guy with that pacing and accent to trust your judgment.

• 1:36:30Speaker 03

  But in this case, Alabama slammer, I say, trust your judgment.

• 1:36:36Stavros Halkias?

  Now, okay, the fact that he's even, he won me over in the end, where now I'm trying to figure out a way for him to get pussy. So I'm trying to do the math here. All right. He's going through a horrible divorce.

• 1:36:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:36:49Stavros Halkias?

  His credit's ruined.

• 1:36:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:36:51Stavros Halkias?

  What is he, what does this bitch have to take from him?

• 1:36:54Speaker 03

  Are you not?

• 1:36:55Stavros Halkias?

  He's got nothing.

• 1:36:56Speaker 03

  You might want to shoot the bazooka at the helicopter.

• 1:36:59Stavros Halkias?

  Now, fuck it, sunk cost, I'm in.

• 1:37:01Speaker 03

  Your life isn't the lowest it's ever been. I say fucking go to Columbia and become herd dependent.

• 1:37:10Speaker 03

  I say you go, you know what, babe, you're right, and you show up in fucking Medellin and move in with her.

• 1:37:15Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely. That's a great move.

• 1:37:18Speaker 03

  You're right, babe. We should get married.

• 1:37:21Stavros Halkias?

  We should be together.

• 1:37:21Speaker 03

  Fly in and stay there.

• 1:37:22Stavros Halkias?

  We should be together.

• 1:37:23Speaker 03

  Imagine the feeling you are if you catfish someone and they move in with you.

• 1:37:27Stavros Halkias?

  They reverse it?

• 1:37:29Speaker 03

  Like a judo catfish.

• 1:37:30Stavros Halkias?

  That would be awesome. Now, he is saying that she's in America. Is that right? She's a real human being that he knows?

• 1:37:40Speaker 03

  It's hard to tell, he says.

• 1:37:41Stavros Halkias?

  I better go on the internet. He met her on the internet, but he says that's not why she's here. She's not here. So, okay, then here's my follow up to you, little buddy. If you, if she's here. He says, always wanted to come to America. Oh, well, I guess that's not clear either, yeah. From the way he's talking, it sounds like she's here. You're right. If she's here, you're divorced, you have nothing for her to take, you're lonely, she's hot, and claiming she's not, let her. If she's trying to, if she's trying to take you for your wealth, let her find out the hard way.

• 1:38:12Speaker 03

  Then the couch is empty, baby. That Wells Fargo account is as empty as your balls are gonna be, if God willing. Honey trapper with a bag of dead bees.

• 1:38:24Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, so yeah, dude, that's my other thing that I would say is like, and let's play this out. Let's say she wants a green card. She's smoking hot. What do you have to, you're lonely right now. Let's say you're married for five years. She gets permanent residency and you got the fucker for five years. Is that the worst thing in the world? Is that really that bad? So, okay, he's got, actually.

• 1:38:52Speaker 03

  This is the kind of, this is how we get the conservatives to come around on immigration. We'll get some chick with a fucking donk to fly in here. I dare you to tell her to leave.

• 1:39:06Stavros Halkias?

  All right, but if you get her, we let two little, two other guys in. That's how it works. We two for one it. We two for one it. One hot woman for two ugly motherfuckers with a hard work ethic. So, I don't know, man. I mean, look, at the end of the day, if she's here, what do you have to lose by going on a couple of dates?

• 1:39:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:39:30Stavros Halkias?

  And my other question is, why haven't you gone on dates yet?

• 1:39:33Speaker 03

  It's making me wonder if she like lives in another city and wants to be flewed out, you know? And like, that's the kind of stuff where, that's what I foresee like, okay, I'll do it. She's like, no, I just need some money for the airline ticket. And you're like, yeah, of course, I'll send you 200 bucks. It's only fair if you're visiting me. And she's like, oh, it's so weird to get out of, it's so weird to get out of the account because I actually, can you send like another 60? You know? And all of a sudden you're like, some guy, like, okay. You're just sitting there with a hard dick going, she'd be here any fucking minute. Like, why didn't I take the honey pack already?

• 1:40:04Stavros Halkias?

  You're in the fucking part, the airport pickup lot with the hardest dick you've ever had in your life. She's like, oh, it's still delayed. Oh, you won't believe it, they canceled my flight, but United has one leaving in 45 minutes. I just need 400.

• 1:40:18Speaker 03

  Extended leg room.

• 1:40:21Stavros Halkias?

  So, yeah, I would, that's, we need a little more information here. If you can do, I would say if you could do this in a way where there's no, and have you FaceTimed with this woman?

• 1:40:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:40:30Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, let's go through the basic catfish protocols.

• 1:40:34Speaker 03

  FaceTime with her and go like, oh, do you have like a newspaper or today's magazine or anything you can hold on?

• 1:40:41Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, how do we got a chance to check out the paper?

• 1:40:44Speaker 03

  Can you put on Channel 7 in the background?

• 1:40:48Stavros Halkias?

  Hey, what's the fucking Rams game, score of the Rams game? Can you pull that up real fast? Yup, just hit up ESPN for me right now. Yeah, dude, if there's a way to do it where it's just going on a date with someone who's assuring you that she's not, and by the way, the fact that he's brought this up to her and she's like, nah.

• 1:41:09Speaker 03

  You're not just trying to get me to knock you up. She's like, oh shit, hold on. No.

• 1:41:16Speaker 03

  What should I write back? Write back? No.

• 1:41:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:41:19Speaker 03

  No way, babe.

• 1:41:20Stavros Halkias?

  Well, yeah, it's like a guy on Google Translate. It's just like some fucking, it's not even a Hispanic guy.

• 1:41:26Speaker 03

  But I, it's also nice to hear, cause I know so many white guys who've fallen in love with like unattractive exotic chicks who are like, bro, she's Venezuelan. And if you look at her and you're like, okay, you're into the fact that she's. It's fun to hear the flip of like, she always wanted a blue eyed American. He's like, always wanting one of them blue eyed Americans. I'm like, she's like, whoa.

• 1:41:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:41:50Speaker 03

  I haven't seen that many Americans.

• 1:41:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. There is a path to this happening. It's a very small, very small strenuous path. It's a fucking, it's a rope bridge between two fucking high ass cliffs. You might be able to, maybe, but just if you can just go on a date with her, FaceTime, literally like go through the catfish protocols.

• 1:42:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:42:16Stavros Halkias?

  Go on a date, you have really nothing to lose right now. So I don't understand your hesitancy. It feels like there's a piece we're missing, right? Doesn't it feel like otherwise?

• 1:42:25Speaker 03

  If she starts asking like what your mother's maiden name is or childhood pets and stuff like that, you know? Sniff that out, but otherwise, otherwise I say fucking let her rip, brother.

• 1:42:36Stavros Halkias?

  Proceed with caution.

• 1:42:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. You've been warned, but I say, like using Stavi's rope bridge analogy, I think the back one is lit on fire.

• 1:42:50Speaker 03

  Leap with the fucking fire in the back.

• 1:42:52Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 1:42:53Speaker 03

  Ayuda me!

• 1:42:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're either making it across or you're fucking dead. But either way, you know, it might be good enough for the chance of pussy. And now, the more I'm thinking about it, no way this is real, but hey.

• 1:43:07Speaker 03

  Hey, but we need to make content every week, so.

• 1:43:09Stavros Halkias?

  No way this woman exists.

• 1:43:13Stavros Halkias?

  But hey, man, try and make it happen, brother. That's all I can tell you. All right, interesting stuff here.

• 1:43:21Speaker 03

  Oh, man, what a wildlife.

• 1:43:23Stavros Halkias?

  I know, that is crazy. Who else we got on LD?

• 1:43:27Speaker 06

  Hello, Star Rose and guest.

• 1:43:32Speaker 06

  I don't know how to speak, so I'll just get right to the point here. I've been working a really good, luxe job, good health insurance, good pay.

• 1:43:42Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 1:43:43Speaker 06

  I could play Nintendo at work for like three years now.

• 1:43:47Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome.

• 1:43:48Speaker 06

  But one of my managers quit his job so that we could try dating.

• 1:43:56Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no.

• 1:43:57Speaker 06

  And now that that's happening.

• 1:44:02Speaker 06

  I don't, I don't want, I do not, I do not want to date this man.

• 1:44:06Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 1:44:07Speaker 06

  In fact, maybe I'm gay, maybe I'm asexual. I don't know what's going on, but I do not want to date this man, but I have to. But, but, but we just, we just had a going away dinner party with our whole entire fucking work group.

• 1:44:19Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no.

• 1:44:22Speaker 06

  And everyone's looking at me and I, I hate my life, so should, should, should, what should I do?

• 1:44:32Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, my god. What the fuck is going on? How did this happen?

• 1:44:40Speaker 03

  How did you get in this position?

• 1:44:42Stavros Halkias?

  This is fucking nuts.

• 1:44:44Speaker 03

  This is bananas, and I think just right off the bat, I'll tell you, you owe this dude nothing.

• 1:44:50Stavros Halkias?

  True, that is, it's insane to be like, um, I'll break up if we can be together. You're like, uh, I guess. I mean, this is fucking wild.

• 1:45:00Speaker 03

  It'd be awesome if she got promoted into his position and shit.

• 1:45:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:45:04Speaker 03

  That's fucking crazy, and I, I wish I knew the, like, I'm trying to imagine the workplace.

• 1:45:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Tech, or, I mean, programming.

• 1:45:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:45:12Stavros Halkias?

  This is not a, uh, this guy is not fucking Rico Suave.

• 1:45:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:45:16Stavros Halkias?

  Like, the one woman who worked there, she's like, "I'll throw my life away for you, let me see your pussy." "Oh, getting a new job, just let me see your pussy for a second, please, please, please, please, please, please."

• 1:45:24Speaker 03

  Holy shit, imagine quitting your job for a chick, and her response is, "I might be either gay or asexual."

• 1:45:32Stavros Halkias?

  Which is just not true. You just don't wanna fuck this guy. They probably fucked once, and she's like, "Rat roll."

• 1:45:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:45:39Stavros Halkias?

  And he's like, "Don't worry, I'll step down, don't say anything to the boss, I'll quit, I'll quit." But then we'll be together, if we can finally be together. I, I, we need, I, I hate to be the guy who's like, "We need a little more info," but like, how the fuck did this happen for real?

• 1:45:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, I gotta know.

• 1:45:53Stavros Halkias?

  Like, and look, it sucks, now let's, let's say, let's just say, nothing weird happened, right?

• 1:46:00Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:46:00Stavros Halkias?

  Let's just-

• 1:46:01Speaker 03

  It's all above board.

• 1:46:02Stavros Halkias?

  Let's say it's all above board.

• 1:46:03Speaker 03

  Would you like to grab a drink sometime, while you're my boss? I quit.

• 1:46:06Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:46:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, I guess I'll get a beer.

• 1:46:09Stavros Halkias?

  Or even if she was in on it, let's say.

• 1:46:10Speaker 03

  Right, right.

• 1:46:11Stavros Halkias?

  Let's say they had some kind of rapport, and, who knows? Let's just, just, even though I doubt it, I don't know how that would happen.

• 1:46:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:46:19Stavros Halkias?

  But let's just say that's what happened, and like, so let's just say you were even sort of, you wanted to be in a relationship, and now you really don't want to be in one. I get feeling guilt, like, if you actually liked this person, and thought they were nice, and were like, "Let's give it a whirl, whatever." It was a mistake, both of you made a crazy mistake.

• 1:46:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, he might be feeling that, too.

• 1:46:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean-

• 1:46:43Speaker 03

  If, if you guys fucked, and you had in your head that you might be asexual or a lesbian, he felt that.

• 1:46:50Stavros Halkias?

  What's wrong with your pussy? I've never seen a pussy snap shut like a Venus flytrap before. How did that happen? Your pussy lips, they're braiding each other to close your hole.

• 1:47:03Speaker 03

  Why do I hear the, the sound of a faucet closing?

• 1:47:08Speaker 03

  Why do I feel the hose faucet tightening? Righty tighty.

• 1:47:15Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, so in a world where this was a mistake you both made,

• 1:47:22Stavros Halkias?

  and you really are not having a good time, unfortunately, now we can tell you, like, now if there was some weird thing where there was an abuse of power thing and you kind of felt like you had to agree to it or some weird shit, that's a different story. But if you just, like, that's a different story. You should be able to keep your job. And if anybody tries to do anything about it, there should be like legal.

• 1:47:46Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:47:46Stavros Halkias?

  Whatever. But if you just said, "Yeah dude, I'd love to date. Let's do it."

• 1:47:51Speaker 03

  And he was like,

• 1:47:52Stavros Halkias?

  Quit your job.

• 1:47:53Speaker 03

  That's perfect. I'm gonna quit my job, burn my house down, shave my head, and then we're gonna start dating. Like, wait, what were those three things?

• 1:47:59Stavros Halkias?

  What were those last three? And like, let's just say you even encouraged it and you've just made a mistake here. I mean, you shouldn't be in a relationship you don't want to be in, but,

• 1:48:13Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, realistically, like, if this guy's like a beloved figure in the office, like, you just might need to fuck, and everything was above board, it's just gonna affect your life. You can break up with him and be like, but it's, there will be blowback. I mean, there just will be, like,

• 1:48:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:48:32Stavros Halkias?

  Especially if there was, if you wanted this to happen.

• 1:48:35Speaker 03

  This is why you don't fuck at work.

• 1:48:37Stavros Halkias?

  This is so clearly why. This is so clearly why.

• 1:48:40Speaker 03

  You're doing it like as above board as possible and it is still disassembling your life.

• 1:48:45Stavros Halkias?

  And it could fuck both of your lives up.

• 1:48:47Speaker 03

  And we're not even saying that the hardest hitting part of this paragraph for me is the idea of a good job with good health insurance where you could play Nintendo all day.

• 1:48:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, that's,

• 1:48:54Speaker 03

  That shit has got me strapped the fuck in. I'm like, I need that.

• 1:48:57Stavros Halkias?

  I get why she doesn't want to fucking leave that job. And I would say, don't, don't quit because you feel bad. Like, look, break up with him, see how the office, see how the office takes it.

• 1:49:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, and there's a manager position that's open in your company, there's room for growth.

• 1:49:10Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe you can fucking transfer to a different office. I don't know, but like, If you really are feeling this way, right? And look, here's the other thing. I've also been in, I have commitment issues, right? Like, and I've been with someone that I really liked. And then the second it was official and real, I freaked the fuck out, broke up, and I've ruined multiple relationships that way.

• 1:49:34Speaker 03

  And then have like those like six month later regrets and shit.

• 1:49:36Stavros Halkias?

  Not even six months, but like two weeks or like, I just had an emotional response.

• 1:49:40Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:49:41Stavros Halkias?

  And like that really felt like psychological and that I, and like I've worked on, and I now I know I might have that feeling momentarily, but I have to let it go.

• 1:49:49Speaker 03

  But that doesn't mean I need to act on that in this moment.

• 1:49:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and that I even might be, so like, we don't even know what's going on. Like, do you have that? Or, like, so I don't, we just-

• 1:49:57Speaker 03

  It's the fear of like, oh shit, this is too real happening and that's where like, I might be asexual.

• 1:50:01Stavros Halkias?

  Cause by the way, that's a lot of pressure, right? The fact that somebody quit their fucking job for you, even if you liked them, that could make you feel weird.

• 1:50:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, that's like, that's like a weird power dynamic or shape.

• 1:50:13Stavros Halkias?

  Already, already you go in owing them something.

• 1:50:16Speaker 03

  Right, yeah.

• 1:50:16Stavros Halkias?

  And that might be what feels weird to you. It's like, it doesn't, maybe you had a fun flirty back and forth at the office, but now it's like, if I don't fucking love this guy.

• 1:50:25Speaker 03

  That too real, too fast, and now you're like, oh.

• 1:50:27Stavros Halkias?

  This is like moving in, this is like the level of moving in together.

• 1:50:30Speaker 03

  Right, it's like, it's like an accidental two sped up version of the relationship.

• 1:50:35Stavros Halkias?

  A hundred percent.

• 1:50:36Speaker 03

  I'll leave my job for you. It's like, but we've only fucked once.

• 1:50:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:50:41Speaker 03

  I feel like, I feel like, why doesn't she just split the difference and be like, okay, break up, give, give this guy two or three months? Not even to give your chance, yourself a chance to like him, but just like, give yourself a three month deadline to break up with him. So then it's like a little cleaner than just like breaking up with him the second he leaves the job. It's kind of like, oh, it's kind of like, oh, I can't break up, or you got this trip booked this summer.

• 1:51:07Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right.

• 1:51:07Speaker 03

  We're going to this wedding. It's like, the same kind of thing, you know? Give the guy a few weeks.

• 1:51:12Stavros Halkias?

  True, give it a real honest college try. I mean, but that's why we don't-

• 1:51:16Speaker 03

  Not even a college try, but like, just wait a little bit.

• 1:51:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, true.

• 1:51:19Speaker 03

  Slow play him if you have to. Yeah, we'll hang out next week. Yeah, it's not good advice usually to be like-

• 1:51:25Stavros Halkias?

  Be in a relationship you don't want to be in, but like, you know, you gotta make your clay, your case like a little clean or something. But that's also why we need more info, right? Because I think that's good advice if she was like an active participant in this plan.

• 1:51:39Speaker 03

  Right, she kinda pushed it on him. She's like, yeah, if she's bought, she's like one of the architects of you leaving your job so we can fuck. But. Cause I, I understand how that sounds on paper, like

• 1:51:48Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 1:51:49Speaker 03

  You're fucking DMing with some coworker and he's like, I wish we could fuck with these stupid HR rules.

• 1:51:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:51:55Speaker 03

  And she's like, well, why don't you quit your job and I'll suck your dick? And he's like, fuck, yeah. And then he shows up and he's like, I quit. And she's like, wait, what?

• 1:52:02Stavros Halkias?

  What the fuck?

• 1:52:03Speaker 03

  Uh, I'm gay.

• 1:52:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, she's really like going for the spacey defense.

• 1:52:11Stavros Halkias?

  I've committed unspeakable crimes, uh, I'm gay.

• 1:52:14Speaker 03

  I like alcohol and men. Doesn't that make me not evil?

• 1:52:19Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, so yeah, that's why, but I do wish we had a little more info about how this started, but.

• 1:52:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, and if this job, this company is hiring.

• 1:52:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:52:28Speaker 03

  I have a steam deck and noise cancelling headphones, you never even have to see me.

• 1:52:31Stavros Halkias?

  Do they have a lifeguard position opening up?

• 1:52:33Speaker 03

  Do they have a pool?

• 1:52:33Stavros Halkias?

  Is there a pool? Do they need a lifeguard?

• 1:52:36Speaker 03

  Kids just drowning as I'm playing fucking Shadow of Mordor for the eighth time.

• 1:52:41Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, man, I feel for, I mean, I definitely feel for our call. I feel like she, I feel like she also like, absolutely do not move in with him. If this is a situation where, you know, she's just really passive and going with the flow, do not move in with him. And in fact, if he tries to like get that going fast, that could be a clean, that could be her out to be like, I don't know. This is moving a little too fast for me. Let's see if we can get her on a fucking live call for real. Alright. I need to know a little more about this fucking situation. We do, we do a couple of live calls on Patreon sometimes.

• 1:53:13Speaker 03

  Oh, you'll get like some follow up from the people. Oh, that's awesome.

• 1:53:16Stavros Halkias?

  Or we'll have like people.

• 1:53:17Speaker 03

  Let me know if you get Amanda that day. I wanna hear it word for word slowly, her watching some chick suck his, her boyfriend's dick. Boyfriend, not on his penis.

• 1:53:26Stavros Halkias?

  Let me know if you get Amanda, maybe her and my wife could become friends and maybe talk some stuff out.

• 1:53:33Speaker 03

  What do we, what else we got here, LD?

• 1:53:35Speaker 07

  Football Sundays are at my house this year, so I've been making a Total Wine & More run before every kickoff. And this time of year, I like to bring in some fall flavors, along with the beer. A bottle of maple whiskey and a salted caramel whiskey that even my friends who don't drink whiskey end up trying. I get everything I need at the lowest prices at Total Wine. Discover your favorite fall flavors at Total Wine & More. Spirits are not sold in Virginia and North Carolina. Drink responsibly. Be 21. Lucky Land Casino. Imagine signing up and finding your welcome surprise already waiting. Spin free with gold coins or collect sweep coins, plus daily login delights. Sign up now. Let the magic talk. Lucky Land Casino, where the magic happens.

• 1:54:20Speaker 07

  No purchase necessary. VGW Group. Void where prohibited by law. CT&Cs 21+

• 1:54:27Speaker 04

  Stavi, baby. Hey, I thought I'd call and give an update. You answered my question quite a while ago, but I called about my wife hitting her early 40s and really stepping it up a notch with her sexual appetite. And I was looking for advice on how to kind of spice things up a little bit more. You guys' advice was awesome.

• 1:54:51Stavros Halkias?

  This was from the George and Sam episode a long time ago.

• 1:54:54Speaker 03

  His, wasn't his like wife was a freak and he couldn't keep up?

• 1:54:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, basically. She's like, she's like 40 or something.

• 1:55:02Speaker 03

  That's something that happens to women in their 40s.

• 1:55:05Stavros Halkias?

  Gabriel's like, I just want to eat Domino's.

• 1:55:08Speaker 03

  Yeah. The cruel punishment that God, that the supreme being put in our bodies is that men at 40 start to fail and women at 40 are like, I cannot get enough. And you're just like, missing.

• 1:55:21Stavros Halkias?

  I can't put in, there's too much hymns in my bloodstream.

• 1:55:24Speaker 03

  Promo code Stavi for hymns.

• 1:55:26Stavros Halkias?

  I'm more hymns than blood.

• 1:55:29Speaker 03

  More hymns and then hymns in. More hymns and then hymns in.

• 1:55:36Speaker 03

  Yes, promo code Stavi.

• 1:55:39Speaker 04

  A couple comedians on. George. Sivers and Sam Taggart, having the two gay guys on there was hilarious.

• 1:55:47Stavros Halkias?

  That is true.

• 1:55:47Speaker 03

  They're awesome.

• 1:55:49Speaker 04

  I wasn't, uh, it, that neither of us were interested in butt stuff. Well, it turns out she is, so, uh, long story short.

• 1:55:56Stavros Halkias?

  Turns out I am.

• 1:55:57Speaker 04

  I've been going pretty well. She, she likes, uh, some of the ass play stuff we've been doing.

• 1:56:02Stavros Halkias?

  Nice dude.

• 1:56:03Speaker 04

  But I was calling to, uh, also ask an additional question. See if, uh, what your advice would be on asking her and talking to her about watching some porn together.

• 1:56:13Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 1:56:13Speaker 04

  Um, it, a little background would be, we've never really talked about it. It's kind of don't ask, don't tell.

• 1:56:21Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 1:56:22Speaker 04

  And I always just assume she knew that I still watch some porn here and there. But when I stop and think about it, I always wonder if she really does know that. Maybe she assumes I don't.

• 1:56:33Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 1:56:33Speaker 04

  I don't know. Obviously she's not a prude, uh, but I think in the past, she may have looked at that kind of as a cheating type thing. Anyway.

• 1:56:43Stavros Halkias?

  What is going on here?

• 1:56:45Speaker 04

  Just curious, uh, what.

• 1:56:47Stavros Halkias?

  People keep talking about porn as cheating. Is something in the zeitgeist here? Are we really getting that conservative as a country that people are starting to talk about?

• 1:56:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, not politically conservative, but socially conservative to the degree where Jacking off is cheating. Save your seed for me. What the fuck?

• 1:57:04Stavros Halkias?

  Especially this guy's calling is like, yeah, my wife's a freak now in her 40s.

• 1:57:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, she lets me fucking rip her asshole out. I'm worried about letting her know I, I watch Pornhub. You're good, bro. She lets you call into a podcast and say, she liked the ass play, gay guys. So I think she's chill, dude.

• 1:57:25Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, watching porn, yeah, that's great. I think that's another thing to spice it up.

• 1:57:30Speaker 03

  I would, I would say that this is, this is a fun couples activity. But just keep in mind, the male taste and the female taste could be pretty far apart. And you, like, the thing I'm always worried about when, when men, young men tell, ask me about this stuff or I hear, I'm always concerned that like, you know, when you've been like, to go back to a cannabis analogy, you've been smoking fucking keef bong rips and like laced joints. And then you have like a friend over and you, you forget that they're not up to that level. Remember that with pornography, we don't necessarily, she might not want to kick it off with like mascara running throat jobs.

• 1:58:09Speaker 03

  This is called 8th Street Latinas. You might not want to go right into hard like, so kinda let her lead.

• 1:58:19Stavros Halkias?

  I will say by the flip side, I have dated some women who watch the most atrocious things you could possibly imagine.

• 1:58:25Speaker 03

  You gotta find out from them though. Cause you don't want to overstep and be like, what, what, what kind of stuff turns you on? It's like this and she's like, what? But the other trick is maybe you find like one porn star that looks kinda like your girl. And you're like, I like her.

• 1:58:39Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, she's hot. Oh, she, you're fucking like.

• 1:58:43Speaker 03

  I jerk off to regu- I jerk off to regular girls. I mean, to be fair, that is kind of my thing now. It's just like, I like when a TV is on in the background. I want it to be so amateur that I'm like, this could be like, you know, this could be a colleague.

• 1:58:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I, I got you. But yeah, dude, you're in there, dude. You're, yeah, start slow. I think that's good advice and then fucking, she's definitely going to be into watching porn. That's a fun little spice up activity.

• 1:59:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, that seems kind of like, not that you should like rank kinks, but like to me, watching porn is probably lower on the than your first ass encounter.

• 1:59:22Stavros Halkias?

  Then late in life, like butt plugs.

• 1:59:25Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:59:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude, you should have started with porn. You're fine. Now you're going back, you're beating level one with all, you got the fireballs.

• 1:59:34Speaker 03

  You're gonna 100% it. Yeah. You want to get all the map. You want to complete the map.

• 1:59:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you skip that somehow.

• 1:59:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're back to tutorials. You got this X to jump, Y to crawl.

• 1:59:45Stavros Halkias?

  All right. You got something fun for us to go out on here, Eldis?

• 1:59:48Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:59:49Stavros Halkias?

  This has been so fun, dude. Thanks for coming.

• 1:59:51Speaker 03

  Oh, please. I'm having a fucking blast and we're really helping people. That's what's important.

• 1:59:58Speaker 06

  Oh my God, that was amazing. Um, hi, Stavi. Uh, I'm a trans dude. I just wanted to call in and ask if you have any tips for making guy friends?

• 2:00:12Speaker 06

  I would love to have some more guy friends, but I don't seem to be able to speak their language.

• 2:00:22Speaker 06

  They, I don't know, they all seem kinda aloof and they don't really talk about their feelings.

• 2:00:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yep, welcome brother. Uh. That's what it's like around here.

• 2:00:35Speaker 06

  You know, like, how are you doing? How's your mental health? And they stare at me like no one's ever asked how they feel ever in their life. And either it goes really well, or they're like, Jesus Christ, what are you talking about, dude? Um, so yeah, uh, I need, I need dude information from the inside. So, I don't know.

• 2:00:56Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:00:57Speaker 03

  All right. So I'm assuming, uh, you know, you're, you're taking whatever steps are, uh, as part of your transition. The main step you need, I think, from a layman when transitioning to being a man is to watch the movie Heat.

• 2:01:12Speaker 03

  And then you will always have something to talk to guys about.

• 2:01:18Speaker 03

  It goes across all ages.

• 2:01:20Stavros Halkias?

  Absolute, 100%.

• 2:01:21Speaker 03

  You can just say fucking heat, right? And everyone will be like, yeah, Val Kilmer with the guns.

• 2:01:25Stavros Halkias?

  Val Kilmer's awesome. Michael Mann. There's so many rich veins to fly out on after that.

• 2:01:31Speaker 03

  Pacino.

• 2:01:32Stavros Halkias?

  The De Niro Pacino, the Michael Mann. Why didn't Val Kilmer ever really figure it out? You know, like, why didn't we get that guy in his own movie? You know what I mean? There's so much good stuff.

• 2:01:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, it's, it's funny what he's asking, like.

• 2:01:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 2:01:45Speaker 03

  He's, he's 100%. I don't wanna compare our lives at all, but this is something I dealt with. As like just a sensitive heterosexual citizen guy. I'm just like, how's everyone feeling? And they're like, you're gay.

• 2:01:58Stavros Halkias?

  Shut the fuck up, pussy. That's how we're feeling.

• 2:02:01Speaker 03

  If Stav ever asked me, how's my mental health? I'd be like, are you okay?

• 2:02:05Stavros Halkias?

  He's my best friend.

• 2:02:08Speaker 03

  Not each other in 25 years. I would be, I would be 34. If he asked me that after my mom died.

• 2:02:14Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think I did ask you that. After your mom died, I was like, damn dude, that sucks.

• 2:02:20Speaker 03

  It sucks.

• 2:02:20Stavros Halkias?

  Your mom, who we both, who I probably love, the woman I love the most after my own mother just passed away. And we never had a direct conversation about it. We just flew you out to LA and smoked weed when I did that show. That was a great weekend though. But that is a good.

• 2:02:38Speaker 03

  This is a lot like collateral.

• 2:02:43Stavros Halkias?

  We literally took mushrooms and we fucking watched, yeah, that's, but that is, that's, that might kind of be the answer is like, when you are, if you are worried about a dude, don't ask him directly, just do something awesome with him.

• 2:03:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, just be present, like, like Stavi and I have never met before, we have just sat here and had like a random bit conversation about our childhoods, found all these parallels. That's all you need. Honestly, men connect, if sports aren't for you, that's like, sports is a-

• 2:03:16Stavros Halkias?

  Sports is so, it's a, it's a very cheat code. The NFL for small talk, easiest thing in the fucking world.

• 2:03:23Speaker 03

  I call it father-in-law conversations.

• 2:03:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 2:03:26Speaker 03

  And it's like, this is what you can talk to your Trump-supporting father-in-law about, is movies, sports, like, what kind of car you drive, even if you are not a carhead. Just telling a 70-year-old man you have a Subaru Outback, they're like, all-wheel-drive, huh?

• 2:03:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:03:44Speaker 03

  And then now we're buddies, yeah.

• 2:03:45Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 2:03:46Speaker 03

  You'd be surprised also how low the bar is, like, if, if you go to a gym and you've said to some person twice, like, "Hey, nice lift," or "Sup," that person may consider you a gym friend.

• 2:03:58Stavros Halkias?

  100%.

• 2:03:59Speaker 03

  Like, I have nod friends that I'm like, "That's my boy."

• 2:04:02Stavros Halkias?

  I wonder what he's up to, yeah, yeah. I wonder what that guy's up to, man. And so, yeah, that's something, you might just be overthinking this in a crazy manner. There's, there's like the, just, you just hang out, you just do, and maybe like, the, again, instead of, instead of making the effort to directly ask about mental health, like, an effort that might go, because the other thing I'll say about, uh, bros, almost no one is good at making plans. If you figure out, let's say they're showing, they're showing a print of heat, and you're like, "Boys, I got four tickets, there's a wing place around there."

• 2:04:42Speaker 03

  I got the 4K of Big Trouble in Little China.

• 2:04:45Stavros Halkias?

  Just having a sick activity and passing time together, that is what a fucking true conversation is. Like, that is like connection, and you will-

• 2:04:58Stavros Halkias?

  Eventually, you'll have those real convos, but it's like, it happens when you're not expecting it.

• 2:05:03Speaker 03

  No.

• 2:05:03Stavros Halkias?

  It sometimes just randomly happens. Like, I feel like we have just been like playing Mario Tennis. And just, we've had a profound discussion about you, like, when you were still thinking about, when it just like, hey, I think I literally was just like, why haven't you proposed to your girlfriend yet? Like, out of nowhere, just kind of felt right, and we had a legit, not making any eye contact. I'm fucking, I'm boo, hitting my fu- I'm serving, I'm doing the weird boo serve. He's fucking Waluigi. We're not looking at each other's eyes. And we're having one of the deepest conversations of our lives.

• 2:05:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, one of my best friends, uh, we were wasted at his mom's lake house, and we ended up like hugging with life vests on in the lake. After like, fuck, we were like drunk having a conversation, and I was like, I fucking love you, man. And like, this is when it happens, while we're treading water.

• 2:05:52Stavros Halkias?

  It's when it happens, so like-

• 2:05:53Speaker 03

  It is so funny to me, now, I- I'm wading into some, uh, dangerous territory here. I support every choice-

• 2:05:59Stavros Halkias?

  Everyone knows that about Stavi's world.

• 2:06:01Speaker 03

  I am into whatever you want to do, no matter what. I could, it comes from a little bit of, I could give a shit.

• 2:06:08Stavros Halkias?

  Totally. But that's the most important thing we're all forgetting. At the end of the day, I don't really give a fuck what anyone is doing if they don't bother me.

• 2:06:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, if they're not hurting anyone else, so, but it is wild to want to be a man. You know what I mean? Like, to me, that seems like a crazy thing of like, hey, I finally realized my dream of being a man, and now I'm a man, and you guys are kind of fucking lit. And it's like, oh, brother, I could have said, welcome aboard the Titanic, the day you started, uh, whatever, uh, system you started. Cause it, what you're describing is real. It is what we are. Like, I'll be in couples therapy, and my couples therapist will straight up say shit, like, that's what guys are like to my wife. And it's like, it is kind of crazy to say that in 2024.

• 2:06:55Stavros Halkias?

  Look, it just is, lady.

• 2:06:56Speaker 03

  But there are some universal truths. For some reason, little boys like trucks. And for some reason, big boys don't like eye contact.

• 2:07:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's, I mean, that's the, that's really, if there is a secret, it's like- Hang out, play video games, like the best times when me, Eldis, and our friends that we've known for 15 years hang out. What we always do is that we come over, like maybe we'll go out to dinner, whatever, but otherwise we'll come over to my apartment because I have the best setup for watching movies. We will watch a stupid movie.

• 2:07:30Speaker 03

  The single guy with a pretty good paying job.

• 2:07:32Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly, I'm the rich guy, I'm the rich single guy. And so we come to my place, we watch my sick projector, we order Chinese food, we call each other gay, we say our dicks are small. And then like for one second we'll be like, oh whatever, how about that girl? It's like, ah, she's a fucking bitch dude. And then we're like, alright, well, back to the movie, you know what I mean? And that's it. And those are my best friends in the world.

• 2:07:55Speaker 03

  Guys I've been friends with for 32 years, when we get together, we play video games and then just say random kids we went to school with's full names. Just to like surprise each other. Like, have you thought of this guy? When's the last time you thought of this? Be like, Michael Carter.

• 2:08:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 2:08:13Speaker 03

  And you're like, oh, fuck, that freak.

• 2:08:15Stavros Halkias?

  And then you look him up, you're like, oh damn, this guy's hot.

• 2:08:19Speaker 03

  He was another cop that shot a guy. The fifth guy we looked up from our high school that was a cop who's been fired.

• 2:08:29Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, fuck. But hey, man, that's what it's like. Welcome.

• 2:08:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, welcome to, a literal, it's honestly a little, I'm a little honored that someone is choosing to jump to this team, you know what I mean? Like, that's crazy. Welcome. If you're ever around me, just fire off like what movie you watched recently and I can talk to you. Honestly, I have like friends of mine who I'm like, I officiated their wedding and I just show up and when I see them, I go, I saw Y2K today, it was hysterical. And they're like, oh, I want to see The Brutalist. It's like, oh, I want to see, and we just say that for like 40 minutes. It's like, it was so good hanging out with Jimmy. Oh yeah, that looks awesome.

• 2:09:13Stavros Halkias?

  That looks fucking sick dude, we should see that, you don't see it together.

• 2:09:18Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, if you come up with a little bit of a, I think that's so much more valuable of what the team is missing is a little planning.

• 2:09:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:09:27Stavros Halkias?

  In my experience, like, how many times if one of us had, and we have a friend who actually is like, he sometimes will plan something, or he'll be like, should we go to this restaurant? And like, it's fu- we're all pumped.

• 2:09:38Speaker 03

  If he makes the rez, you're like, fuck, yeah.

• 2:09:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that sounds awesome. Or he'll be like, that's always a fun move too, is like, hey, no pressure, I got tickets to this. And then sometimes half of us come, sometimes all of us go. That's the other thing is like, it's gotta be no pressure, it can't be direct, and it's gotta be a fun thing.

• 2:09:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:09:57Stavros Halkias?

  And then you've got, it's, it's quality time with the bros, that's what it is, man.

• 2:10:01Speaker 03

  I'm that guy, my wife tells me I have camp counselor energy, because I'm always the guy that's like, I looked it up, Billy Joel is playing this Friday in Vegas, if we go on Thursday, we can do blank, blank, and blank, we do crafts, we can eat at Yard Burm, we can do that. And they're like, alright, I'm in. And I'm like, click, click, click. I just, I'm fucking high at a computer all the time. It's so easy to be like, I can make plans.

• 2:10:21Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, dude. In a different, in a different world, you'd be a lifeguard slash travel agent.

• 2:10:25Speaker 03

  Oh, the fucking dream.

• 2:10:26Stavros Halkias?

  On the Long Island Sound.

• 2:10:29Speaker 03

  Eat much island life for an islander like me.

• 2:10:33Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, good luck, bro.

• 2:10:35Speaker 03

  Welcome aboard the Titanic.

• 2:10:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, that's good. I'm, we're rooting for you, let us know.

• 2:10:41Speaker 03

  It's a great time to be a white guy, smart move.

• 2:10:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. It's swinging back, actually, it's swinging back. Um, alright, yeah. Congrats to you, as well as us, for Trump's, uh, Trump getting elected.

• 2:10:55Speaker 03

  It's a great time to be a white man.

• 2:10:56Stavros Halkias?

  I know it's a little bittersweet for you, but still a guy now, so it's actually sick.

• 2:11:07Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, but yeah, that's gonna do it, John, dude. Thank you so much, this was so fun.

• 2:11:10Speaker 03

  Dude, Stavi, this was a blast, I'm so glad we got to hang, dude.

• 2:11:13Stavros Halkias?

  Hit us up when you're in New York, dude. I know you're probably, if you go, if you're back on the island and you're coming, coming into Queens, dude, we're in Astoria. It's not, you don't even have to fully get into the city.

• 2:11:23Speaker 03

  I don't even have to go over water.

• 2:11:29Stavros Halkias?

  That's gonna do it for this episode, guys. Thanks, and we'll talk to you next time. Bye, bye.

• 2:11:49Speaker 01

  Toyota trucks are equipped for your journey through mountain peaks, desert trails, and weekends off-grid. Whether you're heading out solo, packing up the family, or towing your gear, there's a Toyota truck designed to fit your lifestyle. Choose from the 4Runner, Tacoma, Tundra, Sequoia, and Land Cruiser to take you off the beaten path and discover something new about the world and yourself. Make every mile count with a Toyota truck that's built to outlast, so you can outlive. Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co-founder of Angie. From roof repair to emergency plumbing and more, when you use Angie for your home projects, you know all your jobs will be done well. Angie, the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find a pro for your project at angie.com.