#105 - Blair Socci

Blair Socci joins the pod to discuss her special LIVE FROM THE BIG DOG, being Italian on the west coast, competitive volleyball, the first time she met Stav, getting forced to go to church, writing short stories, and much more. Blair and Stav help callers including a guy whose mom wants him and his girlfriend to sign a lease, and a woman who wants to make sure she uses her witchcraft for good and not evil. Watch Blair Socci's special LIVE FROM THE BIG DOG out now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oyau71a5XE Go to https://www.prettylitter.com/stavvy to save 20% off your first order — AND get a free cat toy Exclusive $45-off Carver Mat at https://AuraFrames.com/. Use code STAVVY at checkout to save! Get a refreshing Twisted Tea today. Keep It Twisted!! Visit https://www.twistedtea.com/locations to find Twisted Tea near you. Discover personalized ED treatment options at Hims. Start your free online visit at https://www.hims.com/stavvy Go to https://BuyRaycon.com/STAVVY to get up to 25% sitewide on earbuds, headphones and more. Follow Blair Socci on social media: https://blairsocci.com/ https://www.instagram.com/blairsocci/ https://x.com/blairsocci https://www.tiktok.com/@blairsocci https://www.youtube.com/user/bsocci/ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:09Speaker 00

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• 0:18Speaker 01

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• 0:19Speaker 00

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• 0:32Speaker 02

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• 1:01Stavros Halkias?

  Hoppa. Welcome, everybody, to Stavvi's World. 904-800-Stav. Call in for us to solve all of your problems. We have on the couch, it was about time we got some surfer bro representation. All the way from the beautiful shores of Southern California. Blair Saki is here. Thanks for coming, Blair.

• 1:25Speaker 04

  Oh, Stav, it's great to see you.

• 1:28Stavros Halkias?

  I know.

• 1:29Speaker 04

  This feels like 2017.

• 1:31Stavros Halkias?

  I know, it is crazy. We, uh, yeah, we were just talking about how it's, because we met, actually, I was thinking about this, you may have been the first person who I did not know at all, like, the first friend I made?

• 1:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:46Stavros Halkias?

  With no pre-existing connections to New York whatsoever. Because we met at New York Comedy Club when I was like, I mean, my first fucking couple of months in New York.

• 1:56Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, you hated it.

• 1:58Stavros Halkias?

  It was so horrible. I was subletting a room with, unbeknownst to me at the time, bedbugs. And I kept being like, remember that? And I kept being like, hey, guys, I'm kind of ancient. They're like, oh, yeah, you're just... Just getting bit by mosquitoes at the Creek in the Cave open mic. And I'm like, oh, okay, I guess I don't know the city. I guess they got real bad mosquitoes over there. No one else seems to be getting them this bad, but hey, I must just be sweet blooded.

• 2:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 2:24Speaker 04

  And I was like, come, come with me, sweet little Greek. I'll take you to the, I'll take you to the open mic.

• 2:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:32Stavros Halkias?

  We had some, we had some indoor open mics.

• 2:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:35Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, that was, yeah, that was, that was fucking atrocious. Sub, uh, subletting a room with, uh, a couple who were, you know, I'm, were friends of ours, but just, again, in hindsight, how it was like bedbug addiction, in hindsight, they were just the most toxic couple of all time. In the throes of, they were both addicted to amphetamines. And they just like never left the apartment. And I was like, I guess this is how you make it in New York City.

• 3:05Speaker 04

  Oh, my God.

• 3:07Stavros Halkias?

  Stay in this apartment and hang out with your pals and I guess talk comedy.

• 3:11Speaker 04

  That is the craziest, uh, welcome to New York entrance ever. But look at you now.

• 3:18Stavros Halkias?

  Look at me now, baby. I haven't had bedbugs in, it's been, it's been nine years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's been nine years since I've had bedbugs. But I did freak out. There were multiple times where I would just like, come home and be like, I've got bedbugs and throw everything away. And, and I got a metal bed one time because I was like, well, bedbugs can't be in metal. I had no money either. That's the other thing. I was throwing away clothes. I just, anyway, whatever.

• 3:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, but I think once you have an experience like that, like the phantom forever. Like if you have a slight itch, you're like, ah.

• 3:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to the dermatologist. They just prescribed me like lotion.

• 3:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:55Stavros Halkias?

  They prescribed me like a specific kind of, I just had dry skin.

• 3:59Speaker 04

  Right.

• 3:59Stavros Halkias?

  Um, but yeah.

• 4:00Speaker 04

  But you're like, but it could be.

• 4:02Stavros Halkias?

  But it could be bedbugs.

• 4:03Speaker 04

  It could be.

• 4:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:04Speaker 04

  That's so cool. That's so cool. We have matching glasses on today.

• 4:07Stavros Halkias?

  We do. They're pretty similar.

• 4:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:09Stavros Halkias?

  Mine are for sight. Yours are because you had an allergic reaction to a dog.

• 4:16Stavros Halkias?

  Sorry to expose you. Sorry to expose you.

• 4:19Speaker 04

  That's the truth.

• 4:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're like, I wanna look extra fuckable on the pod. None of your fans are gonna wanna smash if I got puffy eyes, so I gotta hide them. You were saying all this stuff.

• 4:31Speaker 04

  That's what, that's.

• 4:32Stavros Halkias?

  You're like, the bigger the incel, the better for me, baby. That's my kinda guy. And we're like, we got a couple of those, Blair, don't you worry.

• 4:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, my, uh, my main objective on male comedy podcasts is, um, yeah. How, how sexy can I get when I go on there? I want all those dudes to look at me and be like, I don't even hear this bitch. I don't even listen to what she has to say. Is she a model?

• 5:00Stavros Halkias?

  I'm tuning out that angelic voice.

• 5:04Speaker 04

  Thank you for saying that. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you so much. I get a lot of lovely feedback.

• 5:13Stavros Halkias?

  Sorry. I don't wanna stoke the clay. I like your voice. I think it's very fun.

• 5:18Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 5:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, um, that, sorry to stoke the, uh, the, the feedback flames. No, no one be, this is what really works on the internet. Nobody be mean to Blair.

• 5:30Speaker 04

  Thank you, Soff. Thank you very much. You know what's crazy about Instagram? I mean, you, your Instagram is like so big, you probably don't like see if anyone. But like, someone, if they catch me on the wrong day, usually I don't like say anything. But the other day I just wrote one, wrote back, shut up bitch, to a comment. And then Instagram goes, you're suspended.

• 5:53Stavros Halkias?

  That happened to me.

• 5:54Speaker 04

  And I was like, I was like, I can't write shut up bitch to a troll on my own page.

• 5:58Stavros Halkias?

  That happened to me, yeah. I said something about I fucked a guy's mom. And it was doing great. People were fucking torching him. Yeah, yeah. And these, these guys can't handle it. And then they're like, haha, we'll see about that.

• 6:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:10Stavros Halkias?

  And now you get auto suspend. If you have a big enough account, they'll just auto delete it and be like, you're stri- watch out. You can't do that again. Literally, shut up bitch, talking about how little a guy's dick is. Really taking the li- the, cause look.

• 6:24Speaker 04

  The fun out of it.

• 6:25Stavros Halkias?

  I would, I I mostly ignore, but then every once in a while you just treat yourself.

• 6:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:30Stavros Halkias?

  To calling someone a bitch.

• 6:31Speaker 04

  Treat myself, the day before my period, I get to, I wanna say shut up bitch.

• 6:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and you deserve that.

• 6:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, and then, and then, and to me also, shut up bitch is so innocuous.

• 6:40Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 6:41Speaker 04

  I mean, these people are like saying, you know, they want to like string, like string you alive.

• 6:48Stavros Halkias?

  They are, it is like you keep, you have to get, they almost like make you get creative to not get, to not get like, uh, you know, your shit deleted.

• 6:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, and it's also like, but they're inside my house.

• 7:01Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 7:04Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely. You absolutely can. That's a, that's a sacred right.

• 7:08Speaker 04

  Right.

• 7:08Stavros Halkias?

  To tell someone to fuck right off. Yeah, um, yeah, most of, I get the most, yeah, I I guess I've stopped, which is a shame. It was always fun. I guess, that's the Twitter being gone now, that was always fun, just to pick some random piece of shit, quote tweet him.

• 7:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, I'm still on there. I'm still on there. I don't know why I'm going down with the ship, I guess. Um, but yeah, I do, I just write the dumbest shit on there. I enjoy it.

• 7:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, good for you.

• 7:37Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 7:39Stavros Halkias?

  Just making, just enjoying your life.

• 7:41Speaker 04

  I love to enjoy life.

• 7:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, I mean, you absconded, so you were here, and it did feel like you were, it was interesting, cause you probably never should have come to New York. It was like, it's like, it's like, you were like a, you were like a fucking octopus that was just like finding little puddles of water to drink, like you should have been in the water, but you're like, no, no, I love it here. You're like the most California person that's ever existed.

• 8:05Speaker 04

  You know what's so funny? I swear to God, this happened last night.

• 8:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 8:10Speaker 04

  I was like getting dinner with Irene before the show, and these two guys come up, and they go, excuse me, uh, to me, and they go, are you from California?

• 8:22Speaker 04

  I go, yeah, and he goes, okay, well, cuz I bet my friend fifty dollars and I just lost fifty dollars.

• 8:28Stavros Halkias?

  That's crazy.

• 8:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, and uh, but um, everyone did say that to me when I was here. I loved it so much when I live here.

• 8:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. What, so you just wanted to come, you were like, this is my, cuz another thing, an interesting thing about you, a crypto jock. People don't know this, you're like, you're like now, you're doing like breathwork stuff, you're like on the beach, you're back in California, you're like miss mindfulness or whatever the fuck you're up to.

• 8:54Stavros Halkias?

  You're just, you're just like all about like, I gotta get my shit right, I don't, I have to protect my peace, shit like that. You know what I mean? Like, you moved back to kinda do. Just that kinda stuff, you know, you're just like, it felt like you were going through a spiritual.

• 9:09Speaker 04

  Well, yeah, I mean, you know why? During covid, it was like LA was a lockdown, it was like lockdown for like three years.

• 9:18Stavros Halkias?

  I see, I see.

• 9:19Speaker 04

  I was just like in my apartment. I was like, I guess I'll just breathe or some shit.

• 9:25Stavros Halkias?

  Can you, are you one of those motherfuckers that can breathe in a glacier and stay warm?

• 9:29Speaker 04

  Um, I don't know, probably.

• 9:31Stavros Halkias?

  Is your guy, is Wim Hof your guy?

• 9:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, Wim Hof, uh, hey, Wim.

• 9:38Stavros Halkias?

  Right, he's that fucking guy that just goes.

• 9:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, I found him to be an interesting man. I don't know what, you know, sitting down to dinner with him would be like.

• 9:47Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 9:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:48Stavros Halkias?

  But he can fucking be in a glacier and just be chilling.

• 9:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:52Stavros Halkias?

  Do you aspire to that? No. I tried it for a second, I was like, alright, this seems to be good for you, and I did it. Somebody had, I was doing, uh, I was doing a show in Burt, it was the, the big tour, and so he has a bunch of random shit.

• 10:06Speaker 04

  He like makes you guys do all these activities, right?

• 10:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's like a summer camp you didn't know you signed up for. You're like, I thought I'm doing shows, and they're like, arts and crafts! And there's fucking eight cameras in your face, I'm like, oh, I kinda would rather, and they're like, arts and crafts. I'm like, and then they turn the camera off, and then it comes back on, I'm like, I'm so excited to be doing arts and crafts.

• 10:33Stavros Halkias?

  But they had a, I was pumped, they had a ice bath and I was like, cause I also got, I got a little into, I'm not a very spiritual person, but I definitely this year got into a little bit of like self-care.

• 10:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:48Stavros Halkias?

  I'm gonna get my shit, I'm gonna get my mind right.

• 10:51Speaker 04

  What kind of self-care?

• 10:52Stavros Halkias?

  Mostly exercise, eating right, some sauna, I'm a sauna guy, but I get.

• 10:56Speaker 04

  But that's spiritual to you?

• 10:57Stavros Halkias?

  To me, yes, that's the closest I get to spiritualism. That's what I just realized, it's like, I had six months of just thinking and like, no, not worrying about anything and I was like, the closest I got to spirituality is just like, I, a couple of times I would be in the, in the sauna, total dark, just kinda be zoning out. And then I started watching Bosch on an Amazon Kindle Fire tablet.

• 11:21Speaker 04

  Been there, pal, huh? Haven't we all?

• 11:24Stavros Halkias?

  And then to me, that felt spiritual, like just putting on a.

• 11:28Speaker 04

  Just watching Bosch in the sauna dark.

• 11:30Stavros Halkias?

  Forty-six, no, forty-six minutes of Bosch in the sauna, just right, my body gets used to it.

• 11:36Speaker 04

  Until I see God.

• 11:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's how I connect. Cause Hieronymus Bosch, there's a, his, the thing is, his code, there's a beauty to his code that we can all aspire to.

• 11:46Speaker 04

  Uh huh.

• 11:46Stavros Halkias?

  It's justice and truth above all else, whether that's his personal responsibilities, whether that's uh, the red tape that the LAPD wants to impose upon him.

• 11:57Speaker 04

  Right.

• 11:57Stavros Halkias?

  Whether that's just societal norms, Bosch doesn't care. His, the danger of himself, that's out the window.

• 12:03Speaker 04

  Bosch lives outside the lines, baby.

• 12:05Stavros Halkias?

  Well Bosch is for trying to find justice for the victims.

• 12:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:09Stavros Halkias?

  Everyone counts or no one counts, that's a kind of a go-to motto for Bosch.

• 12:13Speaker 04

  And I've always said that about you too.

• 12:16Speaker 04

  And that's, that's what I've always loved about you.

• 12:19Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you, thank you.

• 12:20Speaker 04

  For you to find that representation on Amazon Prime, it's truly.

• 12:26Stavros Halkias?

  And yeah, was such a good company that I love and respect so much.

• 12:29Speaker 04

  Right. But you, you actually are, um, not actually a very soulful, soulful person.

• 12:35Stavros Halkias?

  Soulful, you would say, okay, I'll take that.

• 12:37Speaker 04

  Yeah. I mean, a lot of people might not know that about you.

• 12:40Stavros Halkias?

  I think, I guess, I'm for the first time realizing I have no, just having this conversation, cause I've just, I guess I don't.

• 12:50Stavros Halkias?

  I do think spiritual shit is dumb as fuck. And then like, I think there's something to just like chilling and being with your thoughts and like going on a nice walk and watching the sunset and being like, oh, hell yeah, that's sick.

• 13:03Speaker 04

  I think that's what it is.

• 13:04Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, I'll take that.

• 13:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, cuz I think that a lot of it can get really weird.

• 13:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 13:11Speaker 04

  My whole thing with everything.

• 13:13Stavros Halkias?

  Sorry, I was just, I was gonna come up with a guy who's like, well, I'm not spiritual, but I'm really religious. I just love the rules and I love feeling better than people and I love guilt, but I don't believe in any spirituality. Like, that's a funny guy to me, but anyway, sorry.

• 13:26Speaker 04

  No, no, um, I think that I'm not religious at all cuz I think it's really weird.

• 13:33Stavros Halkias?

  Were you raised religious?

• 13:35Speaker 04

  Um, only like culturally, like, um, the hardcore Italian thing. Like, we had to do all the catechism and all the classes and of course I took every word literally. And I was like, I have to save my family from the fiery pits of hell. It was a lot of pressure.

• 13:49Stavros Halkias?

  So you're Catholic, Catholic?

• 13:51Speaker 04

  Catholic, yeah, but then when I would like ask my parents about God, they would like immediately change the subject.

• 13:58Speaker 04

  What are you doing?

• 13:59Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting. Oh, so the guy I just made up is literally your family? Like, we don't believe in anything, but we want you to feel bad, like, we felt bad.

• 14:08Speaker 04

  No, no, I think it's just like an Italian thing.

• 14:11Stavros Halkias?

  I think it, there is a cultural thing. My dad clearly does not think about God ever. And, uh, he would never go to church, but when we were like, why the fu- you're never at church, you always go watch soccer.

• 14:23Speaker 04

  Right.

• 14:23Stavros Halkias?

  At a Greek coffee shop. Basically, it really is, and, and his response was like, I went when I had to. As a child, and now you go when you have to, and when that's over, I don't fucking care what you do. Like, my mom, which is very interesting, my mom is not, I never thought of her as religious, Lil V, shout out to her. Um, I never thought of her as religious, but she, I think, actually does. Believe in God and it's a little sad. I just don't believe in God at all.

• 14:52Speaker 04

  Right.

• 14:53Stavros Halkias?

  And my dad, boo, but she never forced really us to go to church. I think she just kinda wanted us to find our own thing. But my dad, who did want us to go to church, just cuz it was like you have to.

• 15:03Speaker 04

  Right.

• 15:03Stavros Halkias?

  He's like, just, I don't, I'm not, I don't know why. I'm not gonna think about why, but it's just something you have to do. He, I don't think, I don't know if he thinks about God at all. He probably will be one of those, that's why, that's why people have those deathbed confessions. Cuz it's like, I can see my dad really weirdly getting religious if he knows he's about to die.

• 15:24Speaker 04

  Right.

• 15:24Stavros Halkias?

  Try and sneak in a little.

• 15:26Speaker 04

  Oh, sneak it in.

• 15:27Stavros Halkias?

  Sneak in a little fucking path to heaven.

• 15:29Speaker 04

  Hey, uh, how've you been? Anyways, I'm on my way out.

• 15:34Speaker 04

  I, I actually pray a lot. I, I like, I don't know to who, or like, it's not like a religious god or anything.

• 15:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just putting it out there.

• 15:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, I like to pray.

• 15:44Stavros Halkias?

  Into the ether.

• 15:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:45Stavros Halkias?

  It's funny that you, so you're, you're, both your parents were telling you, your dad's side?

• 15:49Speaker 04

  My dad's a hundred percent. My mom's Swedish.

• 15:51Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, okay, that makes sense.

• 15:53Speaker 04

  Yeah. I look like my mom.

• 15:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. It's just so funny to say hardcore. Again, it's like, I know there are people who technically are Italian that are so LA-coded, but it's just hilarious to be like, yeah, I'm Italian, bro. Oh, hey, I'm looking for Don Finucci. Yeah, um, actually, um, actually, uh, our families are actually engaged in a centuries-long blood feud and I'm actually back from SoCal to, um, kind of slit your throat.

• 16:25Speaker 04

  Is that how you think I sound?

• 16:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, in my head, in my head, that's how you talk.

• 16:30Speaker 04

  You know what's crazy is because my parents, like, injuries do sound fake. Like, my dad, um, got

• 16:38Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 16:39Speaker 04

  Blasted by a stingray the other day.

• 16:41Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, my god.

• 16:43Speaker 04

  On the top of his foot.

• 16:45Stavros Halkias?

  Holy, you almost got Steve Irwin?

• 16:46Speaker 04

  Like, truly.

• 16:47Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 16:48Speaker 04

  But it was like on the top of his foot and it hit an artery.

• 16:52Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god.

• 16:53Speaker 04

  And so, blood was like going this high.

• 16:55Stavros Halkias?

  Gushing, holy fuck.

• 16:56Speaker 04

  Like a geyser.

• 16:57Stavros Halkias?

  From a stingray?

• 16:58Speaker 04

  And my brothers had to carry him to like take him to the hospital, the seven year old man.

• 17:02Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking nuts.

• 17:03Speaker 04

  And like when I say that, people, it just sounds too, and then like where my mom tore her Achilles wake surfing.

• 17:11Speaker 04

  I mean, not her Achilles, her hamstring, like five years ago.

• 17:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, holy shit.

• 17:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, like a woman in her sixties.

• 17:17Stavros Halkias?

  Damn.

• 17:17Speaker 04

  No bindings, baby.

• 17:18Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, wake surfing, good for her. That's fucking nuts, yeah. But it is just so funny to think of that, being like, your dad being Italian, just, when did, when did the family move to, how did they get to California?

• 17:32Speaker 04

  Uh, well, my dad grew up in New Jersey and then his dad got transferred, um, when he was eighteen and it, to, uh, Orange County.

• 17:43Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, transferred where? He was in the military or just a job?

• 17:45Speaker 04

  His job.

• 17:46Stavros Halkias?

  You don't know what it was?

• 17:47Speaker 04

  No.

• 17:48Stavros Halkias?

  Any idea? Is it because it's problematic? You're like, he was, um...

• 17:52Speaker 04

  No, I think it was like mortgages.

• 17:53Stavros Halkias?

  He was running a, a private prison and they actually, they actually were trying to take advantage of the booming Latino community. They had, they had locked up enough black people in Jersey and they were like, alright, we need someone to head up the Latino division in Orange County. And your girl's like, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

• 18:11Speaker 04

  Wait, this is the number one political podcast, right?

• 18:14Stavros Halkias?

  This is the number one political podcast in America, yep.

• 18:18Speaker 04

  This is where you sort of get to the bottom of the issues, right?

• 18:21Stavros Halkias?

  We expose our guests. We expose our guests for being nepo baby, uh, corporate prison. Corporate heirs to a prison fortune.

• 18:31Speaker 04

  Corporate heirs?

• 18:34Speaker 04

  To prison?

• 18:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 18:35Speaker 04

  Wow, that's incredible.

• 18:37Stavros Halkias?

  The dark, the dark secret behind Blair Saki.

• 18:42Stavros Halkias?

  She doesn't even talk like that. It's to keep people off the scent.

• 18:48Speaker 04

  That was really good.

• 18:49Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you.

• 18:50Speaker 04

  You could do a movie trailer.

• 18:51Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you, I'm thinking about it.

• 18:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:53Stavros Halkias?

  I'm thinking about doing more voice work.

• 18:55Speaker 04

  Uh, you could do a lot of it.

• 18:57Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you, wow, what a supportive friend.

• 18:59Speaker 04

  You could probably call them right now.

• 19:00Stavros Halkias?

  Who's that?

• 19:01Speaker 04

  Say, "Listen Pixar."

• 19:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:03Speaker 04

  I'm ready.

• 19:04Stavros Halkias?

  I'm ready, let's get a new fu- let's cook up something new, uh, girl has her period or something.

• 19:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, I watched.

• 19:10Stavros Halkias?

  Turns into a panda, isn't that one of them?

• 19:13Speaker 04

  Yes. I saw the first five minutes of that, I was like, this isn't really what it's about.

• 19:17Stavros Halkias?

  It's called red. And she turns, she gets her period, she turns into a giant red panda, and it's like, I mean, come on, guys. We can't, one layer of subtlety, one layer of metaphor? We can't do like... It's also like, it looks like a soaked, like it looks like, it looks like a tampon raccoon.

• 19:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, it got dipped in a toilet full of blood. That is truly the wildest premise for a movie.

• 19:45Stavros Halkias?

  I bet you it's good too, but it's like...

• 19:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:48Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, come on, she can't turn into a different...

• 19:50Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 19:51Stavros Halkias?

  It's gotta be red.

• 19:52Speaker 04

  Sure, she has to be, turning red. Yeah, that is really on the nose.

• 19:56Stavros Halkias?

  It's a little, it just feels like a second draft. It's not the first one, the first one's like, uh, Madame Pussy Blood. And they're like, "No, no, we can't say pussy or blood."

• 20:10Stavros Halkias?

  And they're like, "Yeah, about red, okay." And then they were like, they didn't fucking massage it at all, but, again, I bet it's good, you know? Pixar does a lot of good stuff.

• 20:21Speaker 04

  I love it, and I'm available if you guys need my phone number.

• 20:24Stavros Halkias?

  Oh yeah, what's going on? You have, why aren't you, why aren't you like voicing like a haunted Jack in the Box?

• 20:30Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 20:31Stavros Halkias?

  Or something like that.

• 20:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, I really, that's my dream, to voice a haunted Jack in the Box. I would've thought more like Polly Pocket or something, but thank you.

• 20:38Stavros Halkias?

  That's good too, but on either end of the spectrum. I'm trying to think outside the box. I could've said a, you know, a cute little squirrel or something, but I said, I said a haunted jack in the box.

• 20:50Speaker 04

  Oh my gosh, you know the main thing that people comment on my shit now is that um she has the same condition as RFK Junior.

• 20:58Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, interesting.

• 21:00Speaker 04

  They just all write RFK Junior.

• 21:02Stavros Halkias?

  Really? I don't ca- I don't see that.

• 21:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 21:05Stavros Halkias?

  It doesn't waver as much.

• 21:05Speaker 04

  I'm like, can't you see these?

• 21:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, does he?

• 21:08Speaker 04

  Why is voices like that? Right?

• 21:09Stavros Halkias?

  I thought he got fucking hit in the throat or something.

• 21:12Speaker 04

  Oh, really?

• 21:12Stavros Halkias?

  I think so.

• 21:13Speaker 04

  Oh, I made that up then.

• 21:14Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know, he might. I don't fucking know what RFK's up to. He was showing his dick to some reporter. That's pretty fucking funny. By the way, who gives a-

• 21:23Speaker 04

  Tommy!

• 21:23Stavros Halkias?

  Who gives a fuck that, that, oh, uh, Kennedy was cheating?

• 21:30Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 21:31Speaker 04

  But it is wild, the sheer magnitude.

• 21:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I didn't-

• 21:34Speaker 04

  I'm like, how do you have that much time while also campaigning?

• 21:37Stavros Halkias?

  It is true. Well, before, that's the thing. That's where he fucked up, is trying to be president. He had an awesome life.

• 21:43Speaker 04

  He had a great game.

• 21:43Stavros Halkias?

  Getting all the side pussy he wants. Cheryl from fucking Curb is not gonna stop him. You know what I mean? She doesn't give a fuck really. And I believe they met while he was cheating.

• 21:53Speaker 04

  Really?

• 21:53Stavros Halkias?

  I believe it's a marriage born out of cheating, which is-

• 21:56Speaker 04

  I don't know anything about it, but maybe she's doing the, maybe she's got it going as well.

• 22:00Stavros Halkias?

  Oh yeah, that could be an open situation.

• 22:02Speaker 04

  You know, who knows?

• 22:03Stavros Halkias?

  How did RFK and Harold shot? Thank you for doing a little, uh, uh, producing. Not, not from her Wikipedia. They're not gonna say the whole, the real story, dude. Whatever, man. Who gives a fuck? It doesn't matter that much. I think he, I don't fucking know what happened to RFK, but salute to him.

• 22:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, salute. Salute, baby.

• 22:22Stavros Halkias?

  He's got some great-

• 22:24Speaker 04

  Love your voice. Incredible. Sounds great, baby.

• 22:27Stavros Halkias?

  You don't have an RFK thing going at all.

• 22:29Speaker 04

  Thank you. Why did he write that?

• 22:30Stavros Halkias?

  They're, they're internet hacks.

• 22:32Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 22:33Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 22:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, thank you.

• 22:34Stavros Halkias?

  It doesn't waver, your voice.

• 22:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, except for if I get tired or have too much caffeine.

• 22:40Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 22:41Speaker 04

  Or even have one adult beverage the night before.

• 22:43Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, really? I'm gonna hang over your dog.

• 22:46Speaker 04

  It like, it can get weak.

• 22:50Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 22:51Speaker 04

  I also scream on stage a lot.

• 22:52Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure. She has to be on vocal rest. Okay, interesting. Alright, so, okay, let's get back to the origins of the Saki family. So, grandpa gets off work, long day at the prison. And your dad comes home.

• 23:08Speaker 04

  I think he was like mortgages or something.

• 23:11Stavros Halkias?

  Your dad got an internship at the prison. He loved it.

• 23:18Speaker 04

  I don't think there are any prisons in Orange County.

• 23:21Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, there's definitely prisons in Orange County.

• 23:23Speaker 04

  They're probably like underground or just a sinister.

• 23:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 23:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:28Stavros Halkias?

  Um, so, and your dad, your dad just like, fuck it, I'm going to, I'm going to California?

• 23:33Speaker 04

  I, apparently he really didn't want to go and he had like, long hair and, um.

• 23:39Stavros Halkias?

  A hippie.

• 23:39Speaker 04

  Sort of like, um, that guy in, um, Remember the Titans.

• 23:44Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sunshine.

• 23:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, and sunshine.

• 23:48Speaker 04

  Um, cause my dad's like so like type A and clean cut and all this stuff. And so it's so wild to hear that and apparently like he wouldn't play football because the football coach told him he had to cut his hair.

• 23:58Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 23:59Speaker 04

  And so, yeah, so I, I find out where I got my stubbornness from.

• 24:03Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 24:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:04Stavros Halkias?

  From pops.

• 24:05Speaker 04

  From pops.

• 24:06Stavros Halkias?

  Your mom's not like that? Your mom's a go with the flow type person?

• 24:08Speaker 04

  No, yeah, that's a.

• 24:10Stavros Halkias?

  No, also stubborn?

• 24:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think our whole family's really stubborn. You know?

• 24:15Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting. So you're the most laid back one of the family, would you say?

• 24:18Speaker 04

  I don't know, I.

• 24:19Stavros Halkias?

  Cause you have all brothers, right?

• 24:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:21Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 24:22Speaker 04

  I don't know if I'm laid back. I'm just like a, I'm a really sensitive nervous woman.

• 24:29Speaker 04

  I, I laugh a lot. I have a good time, but I'm genuinely, gen- generally pretty worried.

• 24:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:37Speaker 04

  I don't know about what.

• 24:38Stavros Halkias?

  That's the downside to having the Cali aesthetic. Everyone thinks you're just like going with the flow, but no, you're having a panic attack.

• 24:46Speaker 04

  A lot of things. I don't know what about me gives that all.

• 24:51Stavros Halkias?

  What do you mean? Just the way you look. That's, people are stupid. Blair, that's what you have to understand. We're trapped. We're prisoners to the most, like, basic, like, things we're putting out.

• 25:05Stavros Halkias?

  Or like we're we'll never escape that. I would it would be nice if people were judged by what's inside, but it will never happen.

• 25:13Speaker 04

  Right, right, right.

• 25:14Stavros Halkias?

  So you better just kind of adapt.

• 25:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:17Stavros Halkias?

  Be pushed into the boxes society tells you to.

• 25:19Speaker 04

  You know what I want to be, though, is that person that's like, it's not that deep. It's not that deep. Like, I want to be it's not that deep person. I'm working on it, but I would never say it out loud.

• 25:28Stavros Halkias?

  See, that's why.

• 25:28Speaker 04

  That's rude and it's dismissive to other people's emotions. But in my head to myself, I want to be like, it's not that deep.

• 25:35Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's where I think that's where I think you fucked up because you are fighting your nature as a jock, as a blonde jock. By like being introspective and like thinking. You are naturally an it's not that deep shut up nerd person.

• 25:50Speaker 04

  I am.

• 25:51Stavros Halkias?

  And you're trying. And you're trying not to be, you know what I mean? I've seen the, don't think I, don't think I haven't seen the real estate pictures.

• 26:01Speaker 04

  That's private.

• 26:04Stavros Halkias?

  Twenty-three-year-old Blair, blonde as hell.

• 26:07Speaker 04

  How did you even find that?

• 26:11Speaker 04

  Oh, my God, that is secret.

• 26:15Stavros Halkias?

  That's who you are, bro. That's who you are. You shouldn't have come to New York to find yourself.

• 26:21Speaker 04

  I came here to be a novelist.

• 26:22Stavros Halkias?

  A novelist?

• 26:27Speaker 04

  When I said you, I was in grad school.

• 26:29Stavros Halkias?

  You were still in grad school?

• 26:30Speaker 04

  To be a novelist.

• 26:31Stavros Halkias?

  I didn't know it was novelist. I knew you were like writing.

• 26:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:35Stavros Halkias?

  But I just, I guess I didn't remember.

• 26:36Speaker 04

  Accidentally started a comedy.

• 26:38Stavros Halkias?

  That's so funny.

• 26:39Speaker 04

  Like, very oddly, like, and like, I started comedy like right when I found out about comedy. Like, I had like barely ever even seen it.

• 26:45Stavros Halkias?

  Incredible. That's so.

• 26:47Speaker 04

  Before I started.

• 26:48Stavros Halkias?

  Respect. What a way to make a life decision.

• 26:52Speaker 04

  I just like did not think it was a life decision when I started. I thought I was doing some weird, secret, quirky thing across the country that no one was gonna find out about. Like, I was like living my own felicities.

• 27:06Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, before going back home.

• 27:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:09Stavros Halkias?

  Getting a job at the prison.

• 27:10Speaker 04

  Married the banker. Married the banker, living in Newport Beach.

• 27:14Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly, which there's still time.

• 27:16Speaker 04

  Maybe.

• 27:20Stavros Halkias?

  Um, novelist, I love that.

• 27:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:23Stavros Halkias?

  The, the, the, the, the na- waves were gnarly today.

• 27:31Stavros Halkias?

  As Sebastian

• 27:34Stavros Halkias?

  got on his board, he noticed, he couldn't help but thinking, maybe in the winter, there'll be fresh powder as well. But for the summertime, he could only enjoy the tasty waves.

• 27:50Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, well, did you have any like, did you have any like, were you, had you sketched out any ideas for a novel or like, your, what was your great novel gonna be about?

• 27:58Speaker 04

  I actually, well, I graduated, which is the most hilarious thing.

• 28:03Stavros Halkias?

  That's crazy.

• 28:04Speaker 04

  That's how much I didn't know this was a career.

• 28:06Stavros Halkias?

  You were fully in classes when we met.

• 28:08Speaker 04

  The whole time.

• 28:09Stavros Halkias?

  That's insane.

• 28:10Speaker 04

  For two years.

• 28:11Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking crazy. I truly like, had some idea, but yeah, yeah. I completely forgot.

• 28:19Speaker 04

  I genuinely forget that any of that happened or that I even have a degree.

• 28:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:22Speaker 04

  Like, because.

• 28:23Stavros Halkias?

  You have an MFA, I guess?

• 28:24Speaker 04

  I guess so. I guess I do. Yeah. But for what? I don't know why. For who?

• 28:31Stavros Halkias?

  So what was the thi- what was your, what was your like, final project or thesis or whatever?

• 28:35Speaker 04

  Um, collection of short stories.

• 28:37Stavros Halkias?

  Very nice. Hell, yeah. Give us, what was, what was your favorite one? Let's go. Give me one. Give me the plot of one.

• 28:44Speaker 04

  I genuinely don't even remember. It was all a blur, as you know.

• 28:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 28:49Speaker 04

  Um, yeah, I feel like all we did was like, we, none of us were ever went home and we were just like out, like all night.

• 28:59Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 28:59Speaker 04

  And never, like, I don't know when I did any of that writing.

• 29:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:03Speaker 04

  And just doing so many shows and mics, just like, ah, comedy, ah.

• 29:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me not take seriously this thousands of dollars, education.

• 29:13Speaker 04

  I did get an academic scholarship, but, but still, it was like lighting, um, money on fire. I mean, one of the dumbest things anyone's ever done.

• 29:23Stavros Halkias?

  Out of state MFA that you weren't like also a TA for? There's no, even unless they give you like a hundred thousand dollar scholarship.

• 29:30Speaker 04

  I really thought that that was gonna be my career.

• 29:33Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 29:33Speaker 04

  Like, and I was gonna.

• 29:34Stavros Halkias?

  Who did you want to pattern your life after? Like, was there a novel?

• 29:38Speaker 04

  George Saunders or whatever, like, I don't know.

• 29:41Stavros Halkias?

  Who the fuck is he, Elders?

• 29:42Speaker 04

  He writes, well, he writes some novels. But he was, he's most, I feel like he's most famous for short stories.

• 29:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, okay.

• 29:49Speaker 05

  And he like, he like started writing when he was working as like a technical writer in his like late twenties or some shit. And I think, where's he from, like Buffalo or something?

• 29:57Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 29:58Stavros Halkias?

  What's a fucking good story of his?

• 30:00Speaker 05

  I've never read any of his stories.

• 30:01Stavros Halkias?

  Okay. Elders know, elders reads.

• 30:03Speaker 04

  Like a famous one, I think it's called The Spider.

• 30:05Stavros Halkias?

  The Spider?

• 30:06Speaker 04

  Something, The Spider. There was a movie with, um.

• 30:10Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, Tobey Maguire, Spider-Man. Spider-Man one, okay.

• 30:15Speaker 04

  Your listeners are like, what the fuck are they talking about?

• 30:19Stavros Halkias?

  Oh yeah, of course. There's the, there's like, there's like, there's like a handful of like writer nerds who are so pissed right now. Sorry.

• 30:27Speaker 04

  But you're actually super intellectual. They know that about you.

• 30:30Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know that I'm intellectual, but I do like.

• 30:33Speaker 04

  A lot about politics and you know a lot about things.

• 30:34Stavros Halkias?

  I don't really know a lot much about stuff.

• 30:37Speaker 04

  Okay, maybe not anymore.

• 30:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly. I used to be, I, since I was twenty, my knowledge of everything has been dwindling.

• 30:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, when I met you, you were like.

• 30:47Stavros Halkias?

  It was a.

• 30:47Speaker 04

  On your way to the White House.

• 30:49Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know. I don't know about that.

• 30:51Speaker 04

  Things really took a turn.

• 30:52Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know about that. Honestly, after Bernie, now to, for real, it's like, I, I am truly the most stereotypical Bernie bro, but after Bernie lost, I was like, who fucking cares? We're fucked. There's nothing good is ever gonna happen. I'm not learning anymore about politics. And then like, you know, but who, you know, who gives a fuck? I did know stuff, but it's over now.

• 31:12Speaker 04

  I did know stuff, but it's over.

• 31:14Stavros Halkias?

  It's all over. All my knowledge is in podcasting and stand-up comedy. Two of the most important art forms for, for humanity.

• 31:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, but now you're like, it's so crazy. You're like, you're a comedy giant.

• 31:28Stavros Halkias?

  Come relax.

• 31:29Speaker 04

  You are.

• 31:29Stavros Halkias?

  Tell me I'm fucking intellectual and a comedy giant. I can't handle this, Blair. I'm not. I'm doing fine.

• 31:35Speaker 04

  It's crazy.

• 31:36Stavros Halkias?

  We're doing okay here at Stavi's World, you know?

• 31:39Speaker 05

  You're like a modern philosopher.

• 31:40Stavros Halkias?

  That's true.

• 31:43Stavros Halkias?

  Now, finally, something I can get behind. I do, I am leading a, a generation with my, with my emotional intelligence.

• 31:56Stavros Halkias?

  Um, I, you can't weasel out of your upbringings that easily.

• 32:00Speaker 04

  Oh, okay.

• 32:01Stavros Halkias?

  With compliments.

• 32:01Speaker 04

  What?

• 32:02Stavros Halkias?

  I just.

• 32:03Speaker 04

  Look, I shred, I did shred. I, you know, I surfed, I surfed for a while.

• 32:08Stavros Halkias?

  You surfed?

• 32:09Speaker 04

  Then went into volleyball, I write a lot of books and that was sort of it.

• 32:12Stavros Halkias?

  But when you say went into volleyball, you played volleyball and it fucking what, UCLA?

• 32:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:17Stavros Halkias?

  That's kinda nuts, right?

• 32:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, that was.

• 32:19Stavros Halkias?

  You were like a serious volleyball player.

• 32:23Speaker 04

  You can't even say that with a straight face.

• 32:25Stavros Halkias?

  It's funny to me. It is funny to me that you are, that you were.

• 32:29Speaker 04

  I mean, this is like seventy years ago, but yeah, that was like my whole lifetime.

• 32:33Stavros Halkias?

  Were you like a little jock in high school? Was that your whole personality?

• 32:37Speaker 04

  I was like a jock when it came out of the womb.

• 32:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 32:41Speaker 04

  Just like a full fucking meathead.

• 32:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:44Speaker 04

  You know, like when I played, uh, all the, cause when you have older brothers, you just don't even.

• 32:48Stavros Halkias?

  They're just fucking with you.

• 32:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, like, it's like, it's like hand to hand combat, like you're just, it's like survival every moment.

• 32:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:55Speaker 04

  So like when I would then go to like play soccer with the little girls like my age, I would just like.

• 33:03Speaker 04

  I would just literally mow bitches down like as if it was totally normal.

• 33:07Stavros Halkias?

  How many?

• 33:08Speaker 04

  That's what I thought it was.

• 33:09Stavros Halkias?

  You have how many older brothers?

• 33:10Speaker 04

  Two older brothers, but we lived in a neighborhood where there was thirteen families with boys the same age and no girls.

• 33:19Stavros Halkias?

  Really? You were the only one or like one of a handful?

• 33:22Speaker 04

  No, I was the only one.

• 33:23Stavros Halkias?

  That's crazy.

• 33:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, and so like, and they were all.

• 33:25Stavros Halkias?

  Thirteen families.

• 33:26Speaker 04

  With all boys the same age.

• 33:28Stavros Halkias?

  And one girl.

• 33:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, there was like other kids and stuff, there were, like, there weren't any really girls my age.

• 33:34Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, who was like your first, who was your first like friend?

• 33:37Speaker 04

  No, I mean, I had girlfriends like from school and sports and stuff, but I just mean like in the neighborhood.

• 33:41Stavros Halkias?

  Gotcha.

• 33:42Speaker 04

  And so it was just like this mob of, and I was just like, wanted to share air with them, you know, like, and I would, and like if, if they needed a, if one guy wasn't around and they needed a fourth to come play Nintendo sixty-four, and I would just like sit there quietly like praying I got called up to the majors.

• 34:00Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right.

• 34:00Speaker 04

  You know?

• 34:00Stavros Halkias?

  They're like, I guess you just have to throw away the N sixty-four. I guess we'll just fucking throw it in the trash.

• 34:07Speaker 04

  No, they'd be like, Blair, come on.

• 34:10Stavros Halkias?

  Just pissed they had to play with you.

• 34:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, and then like, and then I would be like, oh my god, don't move the controller, don't like, you know, cause that's the girl thing. Where you like, go move the controller turn. And I'm like, okay, so, and then like, I would go play when they were gone. And they would, I would lose their spot where they saved on the, and they would get so mad at me. They're like, Blair, you were playing Star Fox again when we were gone. That wasn't me, that was mom. I didn't do that.

• 34:40Stavros Halkias?

  So you had to survive, you, you had to be physical for survive. They must have beat the shit out of you.

• 34:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, a little sister with two older brothers, yeah.

• 34:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:49Stavros Halkias?

  And then you started playing sports from the jump, basically? Nice.

• 34:53Speaker 04

  Like, it was cra- I mean, a lot of this stuff sounds made up.

• 34:58Stavros Halkias?

  No, I mean, I get it.

• 34:59Speaker 04

  I was the fastest downhill skier in California when I was four years old.

• 35:05Stavros Halkias?

  Why do they even? What, you, you had Coca-Cola sponsorship? Wow. You were probably, yeah, you were probably a cute little blonde kid.

• 35:14Speaker 04

  I guess, I don't know.

• 35:15Stavros Halkias?

  Perfect to drink a little Coke. Are they supposed to give four year olds Coke?

• 35:19Speaker 04

  I don't know, it was like, no, what happened was I, I, it all happened accidentally, of course, like everything. Um, where, like, it was a, I was just going down the hill, but it was like a, a setup racing thing. And I guess it's like, but, but really I was just chasing my family, trying to get down the hill so they didn't leave me.

• 35:37Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 35:38Speaker 04

  You know?

• 35:39Stavros Halkias?

  Look at that.

• 35:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:40Stavros Halkias?

  Your whole life, your whole life was just trying to fucking chase your family, who's like, you know, not that interested. Like, they care, but they don't, it's not the biggest fucking concern of theirs, what's up with you? You're always trying to figure that out.

• 35:55Speaker 04

  No, my parents finally saw me do stand up for the first time at my special.

• 35:59Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow. That's cool.

• 36:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, my my parents.

• 36:03Speaker 04

  Your parents watch you?

• 36:04Stavros Halkias?

  No, I mean, my parents have come to Baltimore shows and now they want to come and it's kind of fucking annoying to be honest with you because it's like.

• 36:10Speaker 04

  Because you're like talking about dick sucking and stuff?

• 36:12Stavros Halkias?

  No, actually, that I don't care about. It's them. I want to talk about them. Or like my family. I'm like, come on. You're ruining my art form. It's like you like, you like all the little perks that have come with me doing well?

• 36:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:24Stavros Halkias?

  Then you gotta let me talk about the, some of the most crucial mistakes you've made in your lives. Some of the many ways you fucked me and my brothers up. You have to, I have to talk about that for the world. But I don't want you in the audience while it's happening.

• 36:38Speaker 04

  Right.

• 36:39Stavros Halkias?

  But whatever.

• 36:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, I like don't talk about my family anymore.

• 36:42Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm. Now it's current events.

• 36:49Speaker 04

  I truly hate political comedy.

• 36:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:52Speaker 04

  Just because, just because, uh, it's just like all you hear about. And so I'm like, when I want to going to be entertained, like that's just not what I feel like hearing about.

• 37:02Stavros Halkias?

  And plus the Babylon Bee just does it so good. How are you gonna top that shit? Yeah, no, it sucks and it's it's so hard to get right. Um, but so, because I, I mean, it is interesting to think about because little kids, and you actually played in college, but like so much of a little kid's life is sports.

• 37:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:21Stavros Halkias?

  And it is, like, I think about that, like, I, who am not a talented athlete.

• 37:26Speaker 04

  No, don't say that about my friend Starbuck. That is not true.

• 37:32Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, I'm a real.

• 37:33Speaker 04

  I know you got some moves.

• 37:34Stavros Halkias?

  Thanks, buddy.

• 37:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:36Stavros Halkias?

  Um, but who, you know, obviously I couldn't play on like a fucking more serious level. But when I was little, that's all I did until I, until I legitimately got out of high school.

• 37:45Speaker 04

  Right.

• 37:46Stavros Halkias?

  And then it was just like, that's out of your life completely? Was that, because you, you played, I guess, you know, I guess downhill skiing didn't really continue for you, but volleyball did?

• 37:56Speaker 04

  I was just like, when it, no, like, that wasn't even like a big sport for me.

• 38:01Stavros Halkias?

  You just set records, it doesn't, you're not even trying. Like, I was just trying to get some hot cocoa.

• 38:06Speaker 04

  Truly.

• 38:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 38:08Speaker 04

  That's all I cared about.

• 38:10Stavros Halkias?

  Um, so you must have been on volleyball teams then for the re- that was like your main sport?

• 38:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, I wanted to play soccer and this is like the saddest thing, like I still talk to my mom about it. Where, but my mom took me out of volleyball because like she met my dad at San Diego State and she was like, I wanted to put you in volleyball so you'd be able to play on the beach with the boys, like I never could. And I was like, bitch, I could have been an Olympian. But then I said that to Greta once and she was like, yeah, but you would be teaching clinics in Torrey Pines right now.

• 38:41Stavros Halkias?

  Sounds like a good life, I don't know. Torrey Pines is nice.

• 38:45Speaker 04

  It is nice.

• 38:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, see?

• 38:47Speaker 04

  Do you golf?

• 38:48Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 38:48Speaker 04

  I feel like you're gonna get into golf, so I feel it coming.

• 38:51Stavros Halkias?

  I'm not gonna be a golf, now look, does riding around in the cart?

• 38:55Speaker 04

  Uh, that's what I like.

• 38:56Stavros Halkias?

  Getting fucked up.

• 38:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, and being in nature, manicured nature.

• 39:01Stavros Halkias?

  That seems fun, doing that once, but like, I will never be a guy who cares. It's also like, I don't know, I'm, I, I don't wanna do like, like just rich guy stuff that just rich guys do, that's boring to me.

• 39:13Speaker 04

  What do you do that is rich guy stuff?

• 39:16Stavros Halkias?

  I don't, that's what I'm saying. I live in the place you, you've been to this place before when I had no money.

• 39:22Speaker 04

  From before I left.

• 39:25Speaker 04

  I feel like we watched like the first season of Drag Race here.

• 39:29Stavros Halkias?

  We de- there was definitely some Drag Race watched on that, on that for sure.

• 39:34Speaker 04

  That is very humble of you that you're still here.

• 39:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, well, uh, who knows how long, but, uh.

• 39:41Speaker 04

  Uh, going to Austin next?

• 39:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I'm gonna get a condo right above the, the mothership. I'm gonna, I'm gonna be next door neighbor, Tony has a great condo, I'm gonna sit next to, I'm gonna be next to him. No, I, I'm.

• 39:54Speaker 04

  Going to condo.

• 39:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I just wanna do that condo life. Um, no, I would actually, I thought about this and I, I, uh, would rather probably kill myself than live in Texas.

• 40:04Speaker 04

  Really?

• 40:05Stavros Halkias?

  I, cause it's a great visit place, but like. It's fucking hot as shit.

• 40:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's it is really hot.

• 40:11Stavros Halkias?

  It's so hot, it's just like, I like a city, I like walking around, I like, I like public transit, like, I like Europe.

• 40:18Speaker 04

  You like to be by the Greeks.

• 40:20Stavros Halkias?

  I love being by Greeks. I also like a flight that's closer to Greece, for real. Like, it's not that hard to get to Greece from New York. New York's the best place on the, on the east coast. Like, seven hours, seven hours there, ten hours back.

• 40:33Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 40:34Stavros Halkias?

  So it's not that, I mean, it's long, but I mean, LA is five hours. I go, I try and go every year.

• 40:39Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 40:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 40:40Speaker 04

  Where do you go? I wanna go so bad.

• 40:42Stavros Halkias?

  I go, I mean, my family's in Athens and my godfather's on Noxo. And I try and go to a different island every time.

• 40:50Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 40:51Stavros Halkias?

  So I went to, uh, Gherkira this time, this island, I think.

• 40:56Speaker 04

  Beautiful pronunciation.

• 40:57Stavros Halkias?

  It's called Corfu. I don't know why it's called Corfu in English, but.

• 41:01Speaker 04

  Oh, I went there once for a day on like a seven hundred dollar cruise, um, and I got food poisoning.

• 41:07Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 41:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, I, I, you know, I went absolutely ham on some moussaka.

• 41:12Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 41:12Speaker 04

  Didn't turn out well for me, but I still enjoyed it.

• 41:15Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome to eat that on the, on like a beach trip.

• 41:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:18Stavros Halkias?

  Cause that's like a homemade, like, casserole.

• 41:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:22Stavros Halkias?

  It's like a heavy ass. It's good, but I like to go grilled when I'm on the beach personally.

• 41:27Speaker 04

  Like what? Oh, like seafood?

• 41:28Stavros Halkias?

  Seafood, meats.

• 41:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:30Stavros Halkias?

  Salad, all that kinda shit.

• 41:32Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 41:32Stavros Halkias?

  What was the cruise? Was it a family cruise? It was a relationship cruise?

• 41:36Speaker 04

  Um, no, it was like this cruise I begged my mom to go with me, like, I saw some and it was literally like seven hundred dollars, like, all inclusive.

• 41:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, hell yeah.

• 41:44Speaker 04

  And my mom, the whole time, they lost her luggage, it took like three flights to get there. My mom was in fucking hell. Yeah, it was just me and my mom and.

• 41:51Stavros Halkias?

  And then you got food poisoning.

• 41:52Speaker 04

  Corfu was tight though, for the, uh, eight hours we were there.

• 41:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:56Speaker 04

  Gorgeous.

• 41:57Stavros Halkias?

  And then you got food poisoning on a boat?

• 41:59Speaker 04

  No, I got, well, I got it from off the boat, but yeah.

• 42:02Stavros Halkias?

  But then you had to deal with the ramifications on a boat.

• 42:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, throw it in, just absolutely blowing chunks everywhere, like, mom, you love this trip?

• 42:12Speaker 04

  Mom, isn't it tight?

• 42:14Stavros Halkias?

  Isn't this awesome?

• 42:15Speaker 04

  Mom, aren't you glad we came here?

• 42:17Stavros Halkias?

  Are you glad?

• 42:18Speaker 04

  Your personal floating hell?

• 42:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, a cruise is atrocious.

• 42:23Speaker 04

  No, I'm not, I'll never, I, I got that, um, you know, out of the way. I don't think I need to ever do that again, no. And then like, it is weird, cause like, the whole point of traveling is to be able to like, go to dinner and nightlife and stuff.

• 42:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:36Speaker 04

  And like, it's like curfew, like you're on a field trip, like you have to be back at the boat at like five.

• 42:41Stavros Halkias?

  And then you sleep on a fucking boat.

• 42:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:43Stavros Halkias?

  Like a migrant being sh- like sh- sex trafficked, like it sucks.

• 42:52Stavros Halkias?

  That's what, you are not having a much different experience than some fucking lady in a shipping container is my point. And you paid thousands of dollars for it.

• 43:00Speaker 04

  No, seven hundred.

• 43:01Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I'm sorry, seven, and that was probably part of the problem. If you're gonna do it, maybe chip in a couple of extra bucks.

• 43:08Speaker 04

  I was like, I was like twenty-two or something.

• 43:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, fresh, fresh off the fucking volleyball court.

• 43:13Speaker 04

  Oh, you can eat buffet, baby, this is my heaven. Yeah.

• 43:17Stavros Halkias?

  So what was your most devastating volleyball loss?

• 43:24Stavros Halkias?

  There must have been a few, yeah.

• 43:26Speaker 04

  Um, I had a lot of crazy stories, like the most humiliating.

• 43:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 43:31Speaker 04

  Um, it wasn't even the loss, it was my personal moment, um. I was a freshman and we were playing University of Arizona and it was their senior night, so like, everyone came out.

• 43:43Stavros Halkias?

  Big night.

• 43:43Speaker 04

  To their entire, like.

• 43:45Stavros Halkias?

  Crowd's going crazy, yeah.

• 43:47Speaker 04

  Like was full, the whole school was there.

• 43:48Stavros Halkias?

  And that's a big school.

• 43:49Speaker 04

  And, and they had this senior who's in ki- uh, Kim Glass and she's an Olympian.

• 43:56Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 43:56Speaker 04

  And, um, am- amazing, huge, like six-three, and was also on America's Next Top Model, beautiful woman.

• 44:02Stavros Halkias?

  Sounds awesome, what's she up to these days?

• 44:04Speaker 04

  And, I don't know.

• 44:05Stavros Halkias?

  Tell her I said what's up if you see her.

• 44:08Speaker 04

  And I was like at the five foot line and she just drills a ball off my face.

• 44:16Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no.

• 44:17Speaker 04

  Like straight down, like straight down, like I was like so close to the net.

• 44:20Stavros Halkias?

  Tough.

• 44:21Speaker 04

  Right off my face and.

• 44:22Stavros Halkias?

  Did it fuck your nose up or anything?

• 44:24Speaker 04

  The entire, over the loudspeaker goes, uh, Kim Glass with her career one thousand kill.

• 44:33Speaker 04

  And the entire stadium stands up. And so this moment where I'm seeing stars and I'm like, don't touch your face. The whole thing is don't touch your face. So it's like acts like it's not affecting you. I can't fucking see. I don't know where I am. The moment lasts. It was like a 20 minute.

• 44:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 44:51Speaker 04

  Moment.

• 44:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 44:52Speaker 04

  It just kept going on and on.

• 44:52Stavros Halkias?

  The ovation must have been good for you though, because that gave you time to blink it off. So you didn't have to be like, ah!

• 44:59Speaker 04

  Everyone's watching. It was so humiliating.

• 45:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Oh my god.

• 45:03Speaker 04

  Like, the whole thing.

• 45:05Stavros Halkias?

  Is that highlight anywhere?

• 45:08Stavros Halkias?

  Kim Glass, look up Kim Glass 1000. Kim Glass 1000. 1000 career kills. 1000 career kill.

• 45:16Speaker 04

  No, Eldis, type something else.

• 45:18Stavros Halkias?

  Go to video.

• 45:20Speaker 04

  There's no video.

• 45:21Stavros Halkias?

  Please god, let there be video.

• 45:22Speaker 04

  No, there's no video. Okay, okay, thank god.

• 45:25Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, ah, no. Call of Duty. Fuck.

• 45:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, it wasn't, no.

• 45:28Stavros Halkias?

  Look up Kim Glass. Kim Glass college highlights.

• 45:36Speaker 04

  Oh, another thing that was like really, really embarrassing.

• 45:39Stavros Halkias?

  It's all you Team USA stuff. You're lucky. You're fucking so, I'm gonna find this.

• 45:43Speaker 04

  No, it's not on there.

• 45:44Stavros Halkias?

  I'm gonna do some fucking research.

• 45:45Speaker 04

  Nobody look. Nobody look. There's no research.

• 45:48Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway.

• 45:49Speaker 04

  No.

• 45:50Stavros Halkias?

  Look up Blair, look up Blair Saki college highlights.

• 45:54Speaker 04

  Lisa, thank you. Take that off. I've moved on.

• 46:00Speaker 04

  Why does it always say Blair Saki's husband?

• 46:02Stavros Halkias?

  Video. I don't know. They're trying to figure out who it is.

• 46:05Speaker 04

  I am, I always have a.

• 46:07Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 46:11Stavros Halkias?

  That's pretty fun. Our defensive specialist slash libero.

• 46:15Speaker 04

  Okay, please stop. This was a lifetime ago. I am an entertainment professional now.

• 46:23Stavros Halkias?

  That's entertainment.

• 46:24Speaker 04

  I have given up all athletics.

• 46:26Stavros Halkias?

  Playing in front of that, that amount of crowd though, is better than doing stand up in front of big crowds.

• 46:33Speaker 04

  Well, I'll say like, there were some crazy things. Like when we played Nebraska, like those Midwest teams where it's like, they're so all about it.

• 46:39Stavros Halkias?

  They have nothing else.

• 46:40Speaker 04

  Their entire, it was 16,000 people.

• 46:42Stavros Halkias?

  Holy shit. That's, that's gotta be fucking cool as shit.

• 46:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was really scary though.

• 46:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I see.

• 46:48Speaker 04

  I was like.

• 46:48Stavros Halkias?

  Not built like me, dude. I would have been like, fa fa fa. And energized by the crowd. I would have been like. Jumping higher than I ever have.

• 46:56Speaker 04

  I was a freshman. I was like, what the fuck is going on?

• 46:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, freshman is kinda crazy.

• 47:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, um, but yeah, then I went to grad school and met you.

• 47:06Stavros Halkias?

  So you went to, you were done playing volleyball and you were like, time to be a novelist?

• 47:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, I was like, I'm an artist now.

• 47:11Stavros Halkias?

  I'm an artist.

• 47:12Speaker 04

  I, you know what's funny is like when I quit volleyball, I just never thought about it again.

• 47:16Stavros Halkias?

  That's pretty interesting, yeah.

• 47:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, I was just like, oh, I had spent my whole life. I was like, there's so many other things I wanna do. I would like try out for plays, but I never had time because I had such a gnarly athletic schedule.

• 47:26Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 47:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, did you do pla- you did plays, did you?

• 47:29Stavros Halkias?

  I did the opposite where I so clearly should have done acting, but I was like, nah, I'm a jock. Like I, I talked about this on a recent episode, and by the way, speaking of acting, I guess I should plug.

• 47:43Stavros Halkias?

  Let's Start a Cult, I believe is out in theaters right now and coming to VOD soon. We gotta do that in the beginning.

• 47:50Speaker 04

  Wait, did you write the movie?

• 47:52Stavros Halkias?

  I wrote it with a couple friends, yeah.

• 47:54Speaker 04

  I can't wait to see this.

• 47:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's gonna be.

• 47:56Speaker 04

  I'm so excited.

• 47:57Stavros Halkias?

  I, I'm, I'm, I'm really excited for it, but yeah, I just talked about this, but I basically did that where I was like, I just wanted to play sports and I wanted to be a fucking jock so bad. And I was, whatever, I could play high school sports, but.

• 48:11Speaker 04

  No, I know, I know you had mad hops.

• 48:15Stavros Halkias?

  That, that I can't even ironically go with.

• 48:17Speaker 04

  You guys got boosties.

• 48:18Stavros Halkias?

  I had, I got, I got this far off the ground.

• 48:21Speaker 04

  No way.

• 48:22Stavros Halkias?

  I got, but I was, I was, I was, I was a.

• 48:24Speaker 04

  I know you could get rid.

• 48:26Stavros Halkias?

  Nah, yeah, I used to dunk. No, I got cut. I probably got to cut the fastest anyone's gotten cut from a high school basketball tryout. Where they did like the, they lined everybody up. It was just the clearly like, okay, everybody who's five, seven is cut immediately. And it was like, it was like, all right, everybody line up. We did like literally like a sprint and like a dribble and they're like, all right, the seven fat, short, white kids are gone. And, and then they started the real.

• 48:55Speaker 04

  They handled.

• 48:55Stavros Halkias?

  They didn't even, I could have been a floor general.

• 48:58Speaker 04

  Oh, no, you would have run that shit like the Navy.

• 49:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's right.

• 49:02Speaker 04

  Oh, my God.

• 49:03Stavros Halkias?

  That's right, but you know, that's Baltimore Polytechnic Institute's loss.

• 49:07Speaker 04

  Right.

• 49:09Stavros Halkias?

  But then

• 49:09Speaker 04

  Now you're like the face of Baltimore sports.

• 49:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 49:13Speaker 04

  So you showed up.

• 49:14Stavros Halkias?

  That is true.

• 49:14Speaker 04

  You ever like?

• 49:15Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe I should try and make the Ravens.

• 49:17Speaker 04

  You should send a little note to your high school co- coach and say, look at me now, bitch.

• 49:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, well, I did play football, okay?

• 49:24Speaker 04

  Right.

• 49:24Stavros Halkias?

  So they know I had some athletic ability.

• 49:27Speaker 04

  Baltimore.

• 49:31Stavros Halkias?

  I wrestled, I played lacrosse for a semester.

• 49:34Speaker 04

  I, can you please explain the wrestling thing to me? I've never understood why anyone would want to do that.

• 49:40Stavros Halkias?

  It's just, you know, pure brute force.

• 49:42Speaker 04

  But it just sounds, it just looks so unenjoyable.

• 49:46Stavros Halkias?

  It's cool to be like, I'm fucking, I'm stronger than you, bitch.

• 49:49Speaker 04

  But what if you're just like sleepy and you're just like, damn, I don't feel like attacking a man right now?

• 49:54Stavros Halkias?

  Nah.

• 49:56Speaker 04

  Never.

• 49:56Stavros Halkias?

  You got to. What I, I mean, whatever you did was way worse. All the bullshit you had to do for sure, college volleyball.

• 50:04Speaker 04

  But wrestling as just like as a concept, as a sport, like, uh, it just looks just really unenjoyable. Same as swimming, like, I did swim team for one year because my parents forced me and I hated it so much. And but you just like look at all the little boys and they'd be like in speedos being like, and it's cold and no one wants to go in. And you're just like, oh, just like, it just seems not fun at all.

• 50:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 50:25Speaker 04

  That's what in wrestling also.

• 50:27Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's true. I forgot about worrying about how little your dick looks in the singlet. That, that was a real worry, but you get over that. Um, and then.

• 50:36Speaker 04

  I forgot that you always talk about your.

• 50:38Stavros Halkias?

  I don't always. I don't always, but.

• 50:41Speaker 04

  You love talking about having a little dick. That's all you talk about since I've known you.

• 50:47Stavros Halkias?

  It's a big, it's a, you know, part of what I think about quite, I mean, I'm over it now, but definitely in high school.

• 50:52Speaker 04

  Really? Cause like, I didn't, like, what if this is just a shtick and you really got a hammer on it?

• 50:57Stavros Halkias?

  I wish. I, I'm not that god of a genius. Look, am I maybe underplaying my dick? Sell, you know?

• 51:04Speaker 04

  Under sell, over deliver?

• 51:05Stavros Halkias?

  Under sell, over deliver, but we're not over delivering by much.

• 51:07Speaker 04

  Right.

• 51:08Stavros Halkias?

  We're just, I barely don't have the smallest dick of all time is kind of how I look at it. Yeah.

• 51:13Speaker 04

  Wait, so then the smallest dick of all time?

• 51:15Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, ma-

• 51:16Speaker 04

  Is that like a micropenis?

• 51:17Stavros Halkias?

  I don't have a micropenis.

• 51:19Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 51:19Stavros Halkias?

  I will put that on the record, but as far as regular cocks go, my shit is ru- we- just a, just a maybe right at average.

• 51:28Speaker 04

  Okay, but also like

• 51:30Stavros Halkias?

  But spiritually, my dick is small. Actually spiritually, it's pretty big.

• 51:33Speaker 04

  No, I feel like spiritually, it's big.

• 51:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 51:37Speaker 04

  Uh, no, but then I always said this about like really hot people and I feel like it's probably the same thing with like a huge hog.

• 51:44Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 51:45Speaker 04

  Um, uh, is that like you never had to-

• 51:49Stavros Halkias?

  Take them off so they can see you?

• 51:50Speaker 04

  Um, you never had to like cultivate any charisma or like anything interesting about you or-

• 51:59Stavros Halkias?

  And if you're fucked up looking and have a little dick, imagine how much charisma you'd have to cultivate. Enough to be a intellectual comedy giant.

• 52:07Speaker 04

  Yeah. You heard it here first.

• 52:10Stavros Halkias?

  And the modern philosopher of our times.

• 52:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, absolutely. I always think of you as a modern philosopher.

• 52:16Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you. Yeah, I might go to grad school. We'll see. That would be so awesome.

• 52:21Speaker 04

  I think I went once. I don't know.

• 52:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 52:24Speaker 04

  I'm not sure.

• 52:25Stavros Halkias?

  Well, um, we should, we should bring your unique perspective. You've lived many lives.

• 52:30Speaker 04

  I have, yeah.

• 52:31Stavros Halkias?

  And so why don't we try and help some of our, uh, some of our callers here? And do you have anything you want to plug here at the midway point of the show?

• 52:38Speaker 04

  Oh, I, I thank you very much. I do. Yes. I have a, a new special out called Live From The Big Dog on YouTube. And I would love for you guys, uh, to check it out and write some really nice comments.

• 52:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 52:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Be like, Kim Glass owns you.

• 52:59Speaker 04

  How's your face?

• 53:01Stavros Halkias?

  Still recovering?

• 53:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:03Stavros Halkias?

  It's been fifteen years, but-

• 53:05Speaker 04

  All right, easy.

• 53:07Stavros Halkias?

  Sorry to do the math. Sorry to do the math that quick. It's been, uh, six years.

• 53:15Speaker 04

  My face still hurts from last year.

• 53:22Stavros Halkias?

  All right, Big Eld, play us some calls here.

• 53:28Speaker 06

  Hey Stavi, alright, I got a question for you. I always trust your advice.

• 53:33Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you.

• 53:33Speaker 06

  So, I'm starting a new relationship. It's only like 3 months in. Uh, we have had sex.

• 53:40Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 53:40Speaker 06

  But I tried to take everything super slow, cuz I have a history of jumping into relationships and like being a love addict.

• 53:48Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 53:49Speaker 06

  So, I'm trying to correct for some past behaviors on my part and not start another photo pin in a relationship. Anyway, about like a week ago, my new guy mentioned that he had had sex with his roommate, who's an older woman. They had like a sexual relationship for 6 or 7 months over the winter and they stopped having sex about 2 months before.

• 54:16Speaker 04

  Oh, that's fresh, baby.

• 54:17Stavros Halkias?

  That's wild. I mean, this, this guy's pretty interesting. He's got, first of all, older woman roommate. Just that, if you don't fuck them, is a great, a hilarious dynamic.

• 54:29Speaker 04

  This sounds like porn.

• 54:30Stavros Halkias?

  It really is porn. It's like, "Oh, I just got fired." "Do you mind if, uh, uh..."

• 54:36Speaker 04

  Knock, knock.

• 54:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. It's like, "Oh yeah, I'm renting out my room. Ever since my husband passed, I can't afford the payments myself." "I'm so sad and lonely." Uh, just, and just, if my tits ever jump out of my dress while I'm washing dishes, just let me know, you know, it's just been me and my husband here. I'm not used to having to cover up. Um, so this is hilarious, but anyway, 2 months, you're right. To live with someone that you stopped having sex with 2 months ago.

• 55:07Speaker 04

  And that is, you still share a bathroom with.

• 55:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, well, who knows? They might got their own in-suite, but who knows, you know, who's to say? Probably not. Um, also, you got the lady you fucked right there while the new girl you're going on a couple of dates with ain't doling out pussy. I wonder if, I wonder if his roommate ever got a rapping at the door um, 1 month into that relationship, but I won't, who knows?

• 55:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:32Stavros Halkias?

  I don't wanna make you more paranoid than you already are.

• 55:33Speaker 04

  Pure speculation.

• 55:34Stavros Halkias?

  Pure speculation, not based on, not based on any fact. Uh, but this, this is what I'm paid, this is what I'm paid to do, is to just really attack it from every angle. Um, keep going, Eld.

• 55:48Speaker 06

  But the weird thing is amongst other things is that she like thought they were kind of together.

• 55:57Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 55:58Speaker 06

  But she also didn't want anyone to know that they were together or have this kind of sexual dynamic.

• 56:04Speaker 04

  Oh, been there, pal.

• 56:10Speaker 04

  I hear you, sister.

• 56:12Stavros Halkias?

  This is, this is wild. This is tough.

• 56:16Speaker 06

  Didn't want anyone to know that they were together or have this kind of sexual dynamic to their roommate relationship.

• 56:24Stavros Halkias?

  Sacred, the roommate relationship.

• 56:25Speaker 06

  Anyway, like, I think she got pissed that he started seeing me.

• 56:31Speaker 06

  I think the whole thing is super messy.

• 56:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 56:34Speaker 06

  I don't really understand why he would have sex with his roommate, first of all. And then why he would accept the kind of dynamic where you, she sounds like completely out of it. I don't understand how she could have that perspective.

• 56:52Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 56:53Speaker 06

  Anywho, what do you think?

• 56:54Speaker 04

  Well, I do see how she could have that perspective. They live together and have sex.

• 56:59Stavros Halkias?

  They had sex for seven months. I think actually pretty, it's actually much harder.

• 57:06Speaker 05

  He's like saying, "I love you" as he busts inside her the second time.

• 57:10Stavros Halkias?

  And this girl's like, I mean, this, I mean, you are so, it's insane. You're the world's worst journalist. You have one source who's directly involved in everything. You're just taking his word for it. I mean, yeah, this is, this is so fucked up and weird.

• 57:28Speaker 04

  I am laughing right now because I remember when I used to have these conversations about like guys are like, and you'd be like, what are you talking about? How can you not see that? Exactly what's happening.

• 57:41Stavros Halkias?

  That's what I'm bringing, that's the, that's the perspective I bring to this show.

• 57:45Speaker 04

  The truth.

• 57:46Stavros Halkias?

  The truth, baby.

• 57:47Speaker 04

  Brutal.

• 57:48Stavros Halkias?

  Like, like Hieronymus Bosch. I'm always looking for justice in this, in this world. I'm sort of the Bosch of call-in advice podcasts.

• 57:55Speaker 04

  For everyone or no one?

• 57:58Stavros Halkias?

  Everyone counts or no one counts. Um, so yeah, this is really strange and weird. And he's not telling you everything. You're just accepting his side of the story, but

• 58:13Stavros Halkias?

  from our outside perspective, they had a, he should, yes, he shouldn't have fucked his roommate. Guess what? He did. And he fucked her for six or seven months over the winter.

• 58:22Speaker 04

  That's a long relationship.

• 58:24Stavros Halkias?

  And then he says they, they stopped having sex about two months before he met you. That to me, sounds like if I were going to lie, and what's the closest time? That is acceptable for me to have cut it off, I would probably pick two months.

• 58:39Speaker 04

  I need to call into this podcast.

• 58:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I wouldn't. I, I'm just a little dubious about this whole thing. And you do see, like, it's good that you took it slow. You didn't like dive right in, but like, you can see this is fucking weird. Um, and yeah, I mean, whatever you, you, didn't she say she'd be dating him three months?

• 59:03Speaker 05

  For three months.

• 59:03Stavros Halkias?

  So this woman had a twice as long relationship, whatever you want to say, they had a relationship, whether it was casual, whether it was whatever. I don't know how casual it can be when you fucking live with someone and you fuck them. Um, even.

• 59:16Speaker 04

  It's no, there's nothing even slightly casual about that, no matter how hard you try to twist it.

• 59:22Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. It would take the world's, two of the world's clearest communicators with like, who are on the same exact page for that to be true. And I got, I have a hunch, that's not what we have here, right? Like clearly the woman thought they were together. This guy, I don't trust him. I don't, I don't know why you're trusting him implicitly. Cause I don't know that I take what he would, I don't know that I would take what he's saying, uh, as the, uh, as truth necessarily. As the completely unvarnished truth.

• 59:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, sister, I'm, I'm on, you know, I have your best interest in my heart right now. Um, but I don't know why you're thinking she's crazy.

• 1:00:03Speaker 04

  You're like, uh, I don't know, she sounds out of it. She's lived with him and they've been fucking forever. Why would she think they're together?

• 1:00:11Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 1:00:12Speaker 04

  But I don't think, I think this, I don't know, this doesn't sound like a nice, easeful. Lovely situation for you. I think I would bounce if I were you.

• 1:00:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes, so, and now to, to play a little devil's advocate here, the, this woman is also an idiot who fucked her roommate, right? So let's put, let's, they're both dumb, right? So, uh, just to-

• 1:00:33Speaker 04

  That's why I don't believe in roommates.

• 1:00:34Stavros Halkias?

  Just to give credit where credit's due, because you fuck, keep fucking them.

• 1:00:41Speaker 04

  I've never had a male roommate.

• 1:00:43Stavros Halkias?

  Smart.

• 1:00:43Speaker 05

  That's why I had to stop living with Stav.

• 1:00:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, Eldis was sucking me off too sweetly.

• 1:00:47Speaker 04

  God, you guys are obsessed.

• 1:00:52Speaker 04

  Work and pleasure, baby.

• 1:00:53Stavros Halkias?

  It's all, it's all one fucked up, one big trough. Our lives are one big pig's trough. And it's like work, friends, yeah, kind of, yeah. This is, Eldis' wife is calling in.

• 1:01:11Stavros Halkias?

  So, yeah, I, but your, your point though is, is a good one, Blair, because she's calling in and talking about, she wants to take it slow. She wants to be like intentional about dating now.

• 1:01:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:22Stavros Halkias?

  And this to me is like a great, one of the benefits of you taking it slow and not feeling emotionally entangled with this guy is that you can now see, this is fucked up, I'm better off just kind of starting over somewhere else. That's kind of my read on the situation. It's a little fucking weird.

• 1:01:40Speaker 04

  Unfortunately, I think you are already emotionally involved, given that you are making this phone call. But imagine-

• 1:01:47Stavros Halkias?

  Not as bad as she could have been, right?

• 1:01:48Speaker 04

  Much worse than it would, will be in like a year when this man has turned you inside out.

• 1:01:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 1:01:53Speaker 04

  I say, take the money and run, bitch.

• 1:01:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 1:01:56Speaker 04

  Get out of there.

• 1:01:57Stavros Halkias?

  Get out of there.

• 1:01:58Speaker 04

  Make like Bosch and get out of there.

• 1:02:00Stavros Halkias?

  Well, Bosch sticks around until justice is served.

• 1:02:03Speaker 04

  Whoa, whoa, whoa.

• 1:02:03Stavros Halkias?

  Let's not, let's not play fast and loose with the Bosch, Bosch mythology, Blair. And I really think you should check out Bosch. And also Bosch Legacy.

• 1:02:14Speaker 04

  If I, if I could.

• 1:02:16Stavros Halkias?

  Bosch Legacy, season one on Freebie, season two, commercial free.

• 1:02:23Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, all right, play another one, Eldis.

• 1:02:28Speaker 04

  I pray for that girl.

• 1:02:30Stavros Halkias?

  I know.

• 1:02:32Speaker 07

  Hey Stavi, long time, first time. Uh, I've been with my girl for about six years. Uh, lived in an apartment, moved out from my parents about two years ago. Um, shit's been pretty good, but uh, because of how expensive everything is, we're gonna be moving back in with them uh, at the end of this month.

• 1:02:50Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:02:51Speaker 07

  Uh, my question is, uh, about two or three years ago, we, during covid, we, or towards the end of covid, we, we were going on vacation and we have a dog, so we set up a camera, like a puppy camera, in my bedroom while we were living with my, my mom and dad at the time. Um.

• 1:03:10Stavros Halkias?

  What? Wherever this is going.

• 1:03:13Speaker 07

  Camera wasn't like hidden or anything, it just was like up, you know, on a shelf, that way you could see where the dog was. Uh, about twenty, thirty minutes after we left to go to the Outer Banks, we checked the camera, and we see my mom digging through my girlfriend's shit.

• 1:03:27Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa.

• 1:03:28Speaker 07

  Digging through my shit, just being fucking Snoopy dude.

• 1:03:30Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 1:03:30Speaker 07

  Um, and then on the camera, we see, she sees the camera, immediately like freaks out about it, texts us, thinks that we're like spying on her, and so we kinda have to go on vacation with this just like looming in the back of our mind. We come back from vacation, it never really gets addressed. My girlfriend tries to apologize, which I don't even fucking think she had anything to apologize for.

• 1:03:52Stavros Halkias?

  No, what the?

• 1:03:53Speaker 04

  Why is she apologizing?

• 1:03:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely not, we agree with you, your mom was being a fucking dumb bitch.

• 1:03:59Speaker 07

  To apologize for, you know, I think my mom was in the wrong on this one. Um, but she tries to apologize, my mom basically turns it back to her, won't tell her anything, like won't even like acknowledge the situation. Fast forward to now, we're getting ready to move back in. Um, my mom sends this super passive aggressive text uh, to me and my girlfriend, saying that we're gonna have to sign a lease, uh, we're gonna have a late fee if we don't pay on time, we're gonna have to have all guests freaked uh, in our living area.

• 1:04:30Stavros Halkias?

  This is crazy.

• 1:04:31Speaker 04

  What did she see?

• 1:04:33Stavros Halkias?

  I, I don't know.

• 1:04:33Speaker 04

  What could have been there?

• 1:04:35Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think she saw anything, I think.

• 1:04:36Speaker 05

  I don't think it's what she found, I think she just felt like they were spying on her because they didn't trust her or something.

• 1:04:41Stavros Halkias?

  That's, first of all, that's crazy.

• 1:04:43Speaker 04

  Look, everyone is allowed to have Diddy cameras, okay? What is like, what's the problem here?

• 1:04:50Stavros Halkias?

  I agree, unless, unless they're charging you rent. You get to pay for the, if your mom wants to watch you fuck, she can't charge you rent. Um, okay, this, I hate his mother so far. I think she's one of the fucking biggest dumbass characters we've had about a call-in show. A nosey, clearly snooping, clearly gets caught, goes on the offensive because she feels guilty. That's what that whole thing about spying, she doesn't fucking actually care. It's like, also, it's their room. Are they living there or are they not living there? They should have their own space. And then, this is some fucking European shit, but it's like, charging your fucking kid's rent? Are you fucking, that's despicable.

• 1:05:35Stavros Halkias?

  Charging your kid, making your kids sign a lease? What the fuck are we talking about here? So, anyway, let's finish it up, unless you have anything.

• 1:05:43Speaker 04

  I feel like this is one of those situations, and maybe you know this, where it's like, the boy mom just cannot deal with the, the boy, her son, like, moving on and having a relationship that she just feels left out.

• 1:05:57Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, it could be, but my mom's liked my girlfriends more than me, to be honest with you. So, I don't, I don't know if that's the case.

• 1:06:05Speaker 04

  That's his little sweetie pie.

• 1:06:05Stavros Halkias?

  She is great, that's true. Um, but, there's definitely something, there is a toxic version of what you're discussing, for sure. That's kind of like the flip side of the mom who competes with her daughter. The, like, overly protective mom.

• 1:06:18Speaker 04

  I feel like that's what this is like, like, she's just like, I feel abandoned, so I'm gonna make you your life with your girlfriend now.

• 1:06:25Stavros Halkias?

  She could just be a snoopy bitch, though, is what it, I mean.

• 1:06:27Speaker 04

  But what is she looking for, I wonder?

• 1:06:30Stavros Halkias?

  I know plenty of busybodies like this.

• 1:06:32Speaker 04

  Really?

• 1:06:33Stavros Halkias?

  I know plenty of fucking, plenty of, I have some friends' moms that are like this, for sure. But, let's finish this call, and then we'll get into it.

• 1:06:42Speaker 07

  To have all guests approved uh in our living area um and the like little spiteful thing was she said we can't have any recording devices of any kind at all um so like I don't know like it's just like it tripped my girlfriend out tripped me out like our relationship's already rocky because I'm a scumbag piece of shit and did a whole bunch of shitty stuff that you know we've been working through that and now like

• 1:07:06Stavros Halkias?

  Okay and there that's the other part of this and maybe that maybe that's a little bit of the missing context maybe that's a little bit of the missing context here

• 1:07:17Speaker 04

  But we do love the self-working

• 1:07:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah yeah maybe yeah the camera I mean the camera is annoying and if you're a scumbag is your girlfriend a scumbag and is your mom just kind of and it's like yeah they're making a sign a lease um they said they're gonna call they said if they find the uh appliances ripped out of the wall and pawned they're gonna make us pay for it we're not allowed to have any crack in the house

• 1:07:45Speaker 04

  God my mom's a bitch

• 1:07:46Stavros Halkias?

  My mom's being a fucking bitch um okay so that's an interesting bit let's see if he has any more any more interesting details for us

• 1:07:56Speaker 07

  My girlfriend out tripped me out like our relationship's already rocky because I'm a scumbag piece of shit and did a whole bunch of shitty stuff that you know we've been working through that and now like moving back in with my parents um a six-year relationship it feels like this is just like a fucking death knell uh waiting to happen well what should we do should we should we find somewhere else to fucking live like even though we've already built furniture down in in the area that we're gonna be living and like move stuff over there or should we just like we're getting a really good deal on the price should we just fucking fight the bullet and try to stack money I really don't know what to do um yeah my family's crazy thank you love you bye

• 1:08:39Speaker 04

  Get out of this gummy

• 1:08:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah I mean there's no way this is gonna work if you're at your parents' house I mean the odds of this relationship surviving in general Low, very low, but it ain't gonna, and like dude, if it means having to work in a couple extra shifts for you to make up for fingering someone at a tattoo parlor or whatever the fuck you did, like, you can't, you're, this is a bad setup, this is a horrible setup, and we don't even know all of it, so, we don't know, we don't have all the information, but there's clearly so much fucking shit going on here, and if you feel uncomfortable in your home, it's like, especially when it's a parent dynamic, like, you're better

• 1:09:24Stavros Halkias?

  off living somewhere shittier for the same money, and like, feeling like you're an adult with some autonomy, than you are, and it would be much different if your, if your family was supportive, right, like, then it sounds like maybe you could use that, you could use a little like, but that's not the case, that's not the hand you were dealt, and I think, somebody going through your shit and then turning it on you, is crazy, and I'm sure you probably did something fucked up that your mom was able to like, leverage for, to get out of trouble or whatever, I'm also a little, I'm unclear if, by, by hearing it more, it sounds like the scumbag shit happened in his relationship, not necessarily

• 1:10:05Stavros Halkias?

  to him and his parents, so, that, if that's the case, then you just need to fucking make this right for your girl, like, if you're already fucking, like, convincing somebody to move in with their parents because it's too expensive, and you're a fucking piece of shit, is like, I don't know, man, that's a lot, that's, that's a lot to fucking-

• 1:10:27Speaker 04

  This girl's life sounds like American Ninja Warrior.

• 1:10:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, for real, and, and like, I don't know what the fuck's going on with her, her life must be even worse than yours, or she's a really nice person, I don't know, six years is a lot.

• 1:10:39Speaker 04

  That's so long, I'm also wondering how long, I, I have like, I'm like, is this guy like thirty-nine or twenty-two?

• 1:10:46Stavros Halkias?

  True.

• 1:10:47Speaker 04

  I'm like, the age matters so much here.

• 1:10:49Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, if they've been together six years, he's probably at least, you know, at least- At least mid twenties or whatever. Mid twenties at the earliest, right?

• 1:10:58Speaker 05

  It's a thing like everything he's saying about his mom like is he's right and she is annoying and being like out of line. But it's like at a certain point, you're like an adult man who's like my mom's being unfair.

• 1:11:17Stavros Halkias?

  That's true.

• 1:11:18Speaker 05

  And it's like, you know.

• 1:11:19Speaker 04

  Get out of there bud.

• 1:11:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:11:21Stavros Halkias?

  That's a good point, Aldous.

• 1:11:22Speaker 05

  It's like that's the reason you want to move out of your childhood home and not live with your fucking parents.

• 1:11:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:28Speaker 05

  You know, even when you're an adult, parents are fucking annoying.

• 1:11:33Stavros Halkias?

  And you regress too.

• 1:11:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, you regress in like a couple of weeks and just feel like a teenager again, like no matter what age you are. So that's why you paid to like move the fuck out and just.

• 1:11:44Stavros Halkias?

  And by the way, getting a good price? This is again gringo shit right here, brother. I, the only way I would consider is if you didn't have to pay them rent like that's. I, I, I'm again, I mean, this is some fucking old world shit, but it's like, I can't believe someone's charging their kid rent unless. Again, he's like, you know, stolen from them and they're trying to teach him responsibility. But anyway, I, I, this does not feel like something that can work if you stay at your, at your house now. If the relationship goes tits up and you want to stay home and regress and save money personally, that's one thing, but. I don't think you can put your, you can subject your girlfriend through this, especially if you've done some other shit.

• 1:12:26Speaker 04

  I think you should put cameras all around the house and see what happens.

• 1:12:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you should get, honestly, that would be funny.

• 1:12:32Speaker 04

  You should Truman Show this shit. I think Double Down could be a good idea.

• 1:12:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you, and by the way, you weren't trying to hide them. They make really easy to hide cameras now.

• 1:12:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, take the money for rent and just spend it on a new set of cameras. I think you should, I think get creative, you know? I think really put them everywhere. Get, get a whole control room.

• 1:12:53Stavros Halkias?

  You should move out and put the cameras in.

• 1:12:55Speaker 04

  That's even better.

• 1:12:56Stavros Halkias?

  And that way you can watch.

• 1:12:58Speaker 05

  Make your mom the subject of like a Big Brother type YouTube stream without her consent.

• 1:13:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:05Speaker 04

  Say, say, um, Venmo me bitch or this is going on Twitter right now.

• 1:13:10Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:13:11Speaker 04

  Ever heard of YouTube mom?

• 1:13:13Stavros Halkias?

  Ever heard of it? Well, you're gonna be all fucking over calling your friend Diana bitch. And she's gonna tell everybody else.

• 1:13:22Stavros Halkias?

  All right, Aldous, what else?

• 1:13:25Speaker 04

  Guys, I have to pee so bad. Do you care if I pee really fast?

• 1:13:27Stavros Halkias?

  You can go pee.

• 1:13:28Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:13:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:30Speaker 04

  Ow, ow, it hurts!

• 1:13:31Stavros Halkias?

  Take a pee break.

• 1:13:32Speaker 04

  Ow, ow, ow!

• 1:13:37Speaker 06

  Ladies, gentlemen, and guests, feel free to play this on the Patreon if it's worth your time. My question is kind of dumb in general, but how do you deal with getting older? I'm twenty-eight, and I feel like it's a good age because I'm not young and stupid anymore. I've made a lot of my youthful mistakes, and I've still got potential and like room to grow. But I'm also not able to be young and stupid anymore. So like I'll never be a twenty-two-year-old student again, burning the midnight oil. I'll never be nineteen, making out with everyone at the club. And I feel like I didn't get into enough shenanigans or troubles when I was. Like, I feel like I've just played it too safe and been too boring.

• 1:14:20Speaker 06

  And I feel like life is moving too fast now, and it's getting away from me. I have boxes to check off, but I've checked off a lot already. So I've got a mortgage, I've got a fiance, pets, a job and friends. But I feel like I've wasted potential and I could be doing better or having more fun.

• 1:14:38Speaker 04

  Get on that pole, bitch!

• 1:14:39Speaker 06

  Basically, I just want a life I can tell stories about, and I guess I'm just scared of letting life pass me by and realizing that eventually I'll have more mediocre memories than future left in me.

• 1:14:50Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 1:14:51Speaker 06

  So how do you grapple with that and make sure you're living life well enough that you can say goodbye to your twenties without being sad about it? Thanks.

• 1:15:00Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, this is age-old. Everybody goes through this, right? Um, I definitely have been thinking about it. I mean, I'm older than this. I'm older. Blair just graduated college.

• 1:15:09Speaker 04

  I just graduated.

• 1:15:10Stavros Halkias?

  She just got spiked in the face.

• 1:15:12Speaker 04

  So it's hard for me to relate, but...

• 1:15:13Stavros Halkias?

  She just got spiked in the face by, what was her name, Eldis?

• 1:15:16Speaker 04

  We forgot.

• 1:15:17Stavros Halkias?

  Eldis?

• 1:15:18Speaker 05

  Kelly something?

• 1:15:19Stavros Halkias?

  Kelly Glass?

• 1:15:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, Kelly.

• 1:15:24Stavros Halkias?

  Whatever.

• 1:15:24Speaker 05

  Kim Glass.

• 1:15:25Stavros Halkias?

  Kim Glass.

• 1:15:25Speaker 04

  Eldis! Eldis!

• 1:15:30Stavros Halkias?

  Um, but I mean, I definitely, I legit have been struggling with these thoughts. Um, yeah, I'm thirty five, so little, you're, you're still, you're, you're a baby. Seven, you got seven prime youth years. Um, but there is a moment where you just have to realize there is no more when I grow up.

• 1:15:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:15:55Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, that's very powerful. Potential is one of the best things in the world.

• 1:16:00Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:16:00Stavros Halkias?

  Cause it's all, you never, you don't have to do shit. It's just all these limitless fucking possibilities, right?

• 1:16:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're just like, oh my god, there's so many things that could happen.

• 1:16:08Stavros Halkias?

  I could be anything.

• 1:16:09Speaker 04

  So many different ways past to go.

• 1:16:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and I guess that's theoretic, but that's not even true. That's not, you can't be all those things. You can, you know, you kinda, realistically, you have to narrow it down to some extent. And also there's realizing like, alright, there's no more when I grow up. Time is finite, right? Like, we just all have to make that switch over from, I'm gonna live forever to, well, I am gonna die. Like, and it's, it's not gonna be tomorrow, but you do, you feel that realization and it's depressing. And you're in stage one of that, right? You're in stage one of like, oh, I'm not in, I'm not immortal anymore, which is how you feel when you're twenty, whatever, right? Um.

• 1:16:50Speaker 04

  But I feel like you have everything, it sounds like, that everybody wants. So, I'm wondering, are you depressed? Or do we just need like a new hobby or like something to shake things up? Because it sounds like on paper, like you said, you got everything going pretty well.

• 1:17:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and I think, I also think it's pretty, it is ba- it, there is like some human nature to the grass is always greener shit.

• 1:17:16Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:17:17Stavros Halkias?

  You know, I feel like my, like in some ways, I've way surpassed what I thought was possible in my life, right? Like, truly. But like I and it's like crazy, but then it's like none of that stuff matters if I also feel like I'm really behind on the like

• 1:17:35Speaker 04

  Me too.

• 1:17:35Stavros Halkias?

  On the family side of things on the like and not just the like starting my own family, but like I don't have that many close relationships day to day or I didn't because I was just too busy working and it's like there's just trade offs in everything. And what you're going through is normal. That's an important thing to realize. Everybody has that thought. And a thing that's kind of freeing to me is I get older is like, nobody feels the age they are.

• 1:17:59Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:18:00Stavros Halkias?

  Everyone who what if you're 28, you're like, how can I be 28? I'm 25.

• 1:18:06Speaker 04

  I was just talking to Rosebud about this before I left and I was like, I just wish I had more time and she's like, you're so young.

• 1:18:12Stavros Halkias?

  And every and everyone thinks that if they're 70, they're like, I feel 60. If you're 35, I feel like I'm in my, you know, early third like no one believes that they're old. No, this is a, this is the, the traditional human experience, I think. And it's also important to realize like, some of those feelings are fleeting, right? The feeling of being like, I haven't had a crazy enough life. It's like, you know, whatever, like you, that sounds cool being like going out to, you know, having an all nighter and going on a bender sounds fun, but it's like you go, you do it and you're like, my body hurts.

• 1:18:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:18:47Stavros Halkias?

  This isn't as good as it used to be. I remember one time me and my friend went to Greece. We had a specific Greek trip when we were like 20. And we had a blast. We went to like an, you know, and I'm, we were like, oh, this was so sick. We were just like getting drunk all night and it was awesome. And then like six years later, we kind of went back. We were like, dude, that place was so fun. Let's go back.

• 1:19:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:19:08Stavros Halkias?

  And you go back and you're like, oh, it was fun when we were 20.

• 1:19:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:19:11Stavros Halkias?

  It's all 19 and to 23. Now we're kind, now we feel old like

• 1:19:15Speaker 04

  A hundred percent.

• 1:19:16Stavros Halkias?

  Part of life just keeps moving, right? And you can't go back and yeah, some things you didn't do as well as much as you wanted. Some things you did better than you thought, right? Everything is a fucking trade off. You know, maybe you didn't, you'd make out with as many strangers in a club as you'd like. But you have, you have other stuff that's better. Um.

• 1:19:36Speaker 04

  I'm a big action guy, so I feel like if you're having these feelings enough that you're calling in the show, like, why not just make a list of ten things you wanna do and just do it like, okay, I wanna go do mushrooms like for a night with my friends and my fiance. I wanna skydive, I wanna go to Big Sur, I wanna go, yeah, and just like shake it up.

• 1:20:00Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck is California over here, even her, even her fucking dream, her outlandish dreams are doing mushrooms and going to Big Sur, man.

• 1:20:11Speaker 04

  This very young woman with a mortgage.

• 1:20:14Stavros Halkias?

  Getting a Cali-style burrito.

• 1:20:19Speaker 04

  Go shred some nice slabs. I feel like that would really help you out.

• 1:20:23Stavros Halkias?

  But no, you, you are right in that, like, you, like, you have a lot of good shit going for you. And what you said earlier to our caller, that you, you've made some of those mistakes, you're not young and dumb anymore. And yeah, you're right, you're not, you're just not as young, that's over. You just have to mourn whatever's, whatever's gone, but also realize you have such an opportunity, you are young and, but it is important, you could fast forward ten years and your fears could be realized, right? You could just go through life and just go through the motions. So I think what Blair said is very important, what are the things that could spice it up for you? Like, you know, like going on a, yeah, traveling to whatever, whether it's California or somewhere else, like,

• 1:21:08Stavros Halkias?

  going on a trip, having these experiences, you know, I think we took a, you went, we, you went to Albania, I went to Greece, we met. We met up, we went to my cousin's wedding, we, we went on that boat, like,

• 1:21:20Speaker 04

  That sounds like a movie.

• 1:21:21Stavros Halkias?

  We really had an, that was an insane trip, that was like a super fun trip. And, um, you know, you have to decide what you want, like, that when there's family stuff going on, from like, for me, it's like, I wanna be able to work. I wanna organize my life in a way that I can work really hard, but then I can also take time off and be there and like not miss important family milestones, right? And I think for you, you're just settling into. Like kind of more or less a general rhythm of your life. That's also the scary thing. When you go from college age and early twenties to twenty eight.

• 1:22:01Speaker 04

  Oh, it's such a big difference.

• 1:22:02Stavros Halkias?

  Fiance, mortgage. You do, here, here's something that is both scary and kind of liberating. You kind of know what your life is gonna look like.

• 1:22:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:22:11Stavros Halkias?

  For the next ten years. And that's the first time you can ever say that at twenty eight, right? And that is a little scary. That does make you feel both old and accomplished and also just old, right?

• 1:22:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:22:21Stavros Halkias?

  But how are you going to disrupt that? Use the stability that that brings you as a positive? And make sure you break up the monotony that's the negative as much as possible? And I think if you do that, you're in a great position. Sounds like you've accomplished a lot of stuff and like you can get a lot more firsts. You know, and a lot more things where you feel kind of like you're telling stories and doing stuff like. You can do that. Use the stability of your life as like a positive, break up the monotony of it. And just like, but it will take a little work. The way you can just kind of live life in your teens and something crazy happens? That's over because you have fucking responsibilities now.

• 1:23:03Stavros Halkias?

  So, yeah, you might have to plan a fucking sick European vacation, but guess what? You get to go on it too.

• 1:23:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, you can do that.

• 1:23:09Stavros Halkias?

  And now you have the money to do it, right?

• 1:23:11Speaker 04

  I think there's a natural ennui that sometimes happens with stability. And if you didn't have a crazy, yeah, cuz it seems like you accomplished a lot of like these life markers. Pretty young, mortgage, fiance, pets, like good job, all this stuff. And if you didn't do, if you didn't feel like you got to be wild when you were younger. Like now you have the means to do the things that you want to do. And also, life is short, like you have to think. I, I had a therapist say once, like your happiness is your own responsibility, which seems weighty. But it's like, you have to figure out what makes you happy and do it because life is short.

• 1:23:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:23:48Stavros Halkias?

  So there you go, little buddy.

• 1:23:49Speaker 04

  There you go, little buddy.

• 1:23:50Stavros Halkias?

  We're rooting for you.

• 1:23:51Speaker 04

  Just getting, we just some modern philosophy.

• 1:23:54Stavros Halkias?

  That's, this, I am a philosopher. I'm such a good philosopher, I even, even those around me become smarter just by proxy.

• 1:24:01Speaker 04

  Totally, I just got so much smarter.

• 1:24:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're gonna have a headache. You're gonna leave the studio, you're gonna be like, ah!

• 1:24:06Speaker 04

  What?

• 1:24:07Stavros Halkias?

  I just did all my thinking for two weeks.

• 1:24:09Speaker 04

  My brain just goes so much bigger.

• 1:24:11Stavros Halkias?

  Someone give me an Al Pastor taco, quick.

• 1:24:15Speaker 04

  God, I fucking love an al pastor. I could put down seven without even blinking.

• 1:24:20Stavros Halkias?

  They're so good.

• 1:24:21Speaker 04

  I love al pastor.

• 1:24:23Stavros Halkias?

  All right, Aldous, what have we got?

• 1:24:27Speaker 06

  Hi, Savi. Um, so I'm having this problem right now where I've kind of been taught to use witchcraft.

• 1:24:36Speaker 04

  Oh, yes, here we go, bitch. It was fucking hell.

• 1:24:38Speaker 06

  Like just tarot cards and shit like that, like.

• 1:24:42Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, dude, you should have put this in the cheek zone.

• 1:24:46Speaker 06

  So I'm having this problem right now where I've kind of been taught to use witchcraft since I was little. And it was fine, like just tarot cards and shit like that, like normal, nothing unusual. I'm like, okay, this is probably fake.

• 1:25:02Speaker 06

  But then when I started dating people, if someone really fucked me over, my mom would like ask for an article of their clothing and then hex them. And then usually something was really bad would happen, like this one guy tore his groin skiing the next day. Another guy like crashed his Pontiac.

• 1:25:22Speaker 04

  She made him crash his Pontiac?

• 1:25:25Speaker 06

  So then I kind of forgot about it, went to college. Um, did it to this guy that cheated on me. He got scabies the next day, which was crazy resurrected, like some 1800 shit. And then the only other time I've personally hexed anyone was my ex boyfriend. And the next day, there were hundreds, like I'm talking hundreds, possibly even thousands of dead bees.

• 1:25:49Speaker 04

  This is so cool.

• 1:25:50Speaker 06

  All over the basement where I did the hex. It was actually insane. Um, there were eyewitnesses to this. I swear on my life. Um, it was crazy, craziest thing that's ever happened. So the problem I'm having now is I don't know if I should like be a good witch or a bad witch. Because I think I could be a bad witch for good. Um. And my issue right now is my best friend has a roommate who's really, really like shitty to him. And I want to hex the roommate and I have one of his socks. But I'm afraid something really bad's gonna happen to him and I'm trying to be a force for like positivity in the world.

• 1:26:33Speaker 06

  But also if I'm just redelivering people's karma to them, is I'm not making the world a better place?

• 1:26:39Stavros Halkias?

  Right, there was an episode of My Name Is Earl about this.

• 1:26:43Speaker 04

  There's actually, it's funny that you bring this up. There's an episode of Bosch, that was right.

• 1:26:48Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, Bosch does not deal with the occult. Bosch, it's all just good detective work. And, and just gumption that gets Bosch, uh, to solve his cases.

• 1:26:59Speaker 04

  Wow, I love that, um, you are being sought out for this ethical dilemma. From seventeen twenty-nine.

• 1:27:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, this, this is crazy, obviously, and this is insane that you're saying this.

• 1:27:15Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, here, here's my question. If you really think this is real, right? You can't get a little bit of like a deeper education in it, like, it's all like you just do the hex? And then you just don't know the level of, cause like, you know, if the roommate gets, like I said, food poisoning or something. Like really bad food poisoning, that's one thing, but if they fucking get their leg amputated, yeah, the pontiac, it's like, how shitty is this roommate being? I think if you have these.

• 1:27:47Speaker 04

  You need to educate, you need to get to platform nine and three quarters quick, before somebody gets hurt.

• 1:27:52Stavros Halkias?

  She might, she probably hates that. She's like, it's not like that. It's not, that's how Hollywood says it is. No one's British.

• 1:28:01Stavros Halkias?

  What the fuck, so?

• 1:28:03Speaker 05

  Here's, here's.

• 1:28:04Stavros Halkias?

  Can you do a po- what's a positive spell?

• 1:28:07Speaker 05

  That's what, that's what I was gonna say, like, are you, how confident are you that you're in control of these powers? And it's not just a coincidence? And the way to try would be like, okay, what if you have someone's, uh, article of clothing and, yeah, have you ever tried like a positive thing? Had something good happen to a person who needs some good karma redelivered to them? Cause if it's all just bad stuff?

• 1:28:30Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:28:31Speaker 05

  It's like. How are you doing the hexes? How deliberate is it?

• 1:28:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, did your mom cut the brake line?

• 1:28:37Speaker 04

  She's like the Dexter of witches. But I also, and this is my take, and we have discussed this a lot. But I, I don't think that revenge is ever the answer. I think it, because in my personal opinion, it just comes back to you harder.

• 1:28:51Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:28:52Speaker 04

  Like, I don't think that-

• 1:28:52Stavros Halkias?

  What if there's an even more talented witch? That hexes you?

• 1:28:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, and there's even more fucking bees.

• 1:28:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:00Speaker 04

  No, I, I personally don't think, and I get that, I, I get that impulse because I'm very protective of my loved ones. Like, you know, loyalty to the death. But I, I don't think that you should be doing any harm. They do no harm.

• 1:29:17Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:29:17Speaker 04

  It's like the Hippocratic Oath.

• 1:29:19Stavros Halkias?

  Well, she's not a doctor.

• 1:29:20Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:29:23Stavros Halkias?

  That's true.

• 1:29:23Speaker 04

  They were the only doctors.

• 1:29:25Stavros Halkias?

  That is true. You could only get treated by a witch.

• 1:29:27Speaker 04

  But they didn't want, they didn't want women to have any way of making money, so they had to hang them all.

• 1:29:32Stavros Halkias?

  Makes sense to me.

• 1:29:39Stavros Halkias?

  So, I would say, yeah, I would, I would honestly flip this, right? Do a couple positive spells. Let's see how that works. Can you, can you, can you do, can you fucking cast an orb of protection around your friend against the roommate? Can you make their life better?

• 1:29:58Speaker 04

  That's beautiful stuff.

• 1:29:59Stavros Halkias?

  Like, what are we talking about here? Why is it only hexes? Um, I'm, you know, I'm not-

• 1:30:04Speaker 04

  Kill them with kindness, but don't really kill them since that seems to be a concern.

• 1:30:09Stavros Halkias?

  And like, and if, and it's like, if you really want to try, like, how can we get her someone? Somebody really evil's socks?

• 1:30:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, or, you know what, and it sounds like you don't have much control over this, which to Soff's point, like, maybe we could look into some education or something. But maybe you could make your magic have sort of a mischievous turn, so it's more fun and silly versus sinister.

• 1:30:34Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right.

• 1:30:36Speaker 04

  Maybe you could just like, um, you know, all of a sudden, I don't know, someone gets like wings for a day or something.

• 1:30:46Stavros Halkias?

  Wings?

• 1:30:47Speaker 04

  And they're like, what the fuck are these wings?

• 1:30:48Stavros Halkias?

  That's too powerful. She doesn't have wing magic.

• 1:30:50Speaker 04

  Oh, alright, okay, fair.

• 1:30:52Stavros Halkias?

  You know, like, that'd be cool as fuck if she was like-

• 1:30:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:30:56Stavros Halkias?

  Wings, but I like what you're thinking.

• 1:30:59Speaker 04

  I got really carried away because I love witches and magic.

• 1:31:01Stavros Halkias?

  Sure. Well, what if it's something like, uh, every time they fucking, uh, they hiccup, a little bubble comes out?

• 1:31:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, or their voice starts to just, you make them talk like a helium balloon, you know?

• 1:31:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yep, that's good.

• 1:31:15Speaker 04

  I think that would be really cool.

• 1:31:17Stavros Halkias?

  How about this? Or it looks like they're wearing lip gloss. But they don't see it. And everyone who asks them, they're like, hey, are you wearing lip gloss? They're like, no.

• 1:31:27Speaker 04

  I'm not, I'm not fucking wearing lip gloss.

• 1:31:29Stavros Halkias?

  Why does everybody keep fucking asking me that? That's kind of funny.

• 1:31:32Speaker 04

  That's funny.

• 1:31:32Stavros Halkias?

  You know?

• 1:31:34Speaker 04

  Now we're getting somewhere.

• 1:31:35Stavros Halkias?

  We're cooking, we're starting to cook stuff up.

• 1:31:37Speaker 05

  Make them step in some dog poop or something.

• 1:31:39Speaker 04

  There you go. Here we go.

• 1:31:41Stavros Halkias?

  Classic, classic.

• 1:31:42Speaker 04

  That's a good one.

• 1:31:43Stavros Halkias?

  Dog shit, classic.

• 1:31:44Speaker 04

  Or make their shoelaces tie together, cartoon, cartoon style.

• 1:31:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 1:31:49Speaker 04

  You know?

• 1:31:49Stavros Halkias?

  A bird sits on them three times in one day.

• 1:31:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:31:52Stavros Halkias?

  Because even two, you could be like, well, that's weird bad luck. But three, you're like, you start going crazy.

• 1:31:58Speaker 04

  You're like, someone's out to get me. I did something bad. This is my retribution.

• 1:32:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 1:32:03Speaker 04

  I had actually, uh, when I was in, I don't know, I was doing like Rooster D feathers or something and I was in the hotel and it was actually a cute hotel, but someone like, every morning, the maintenance people would bring a leaf blower in the hallway, in the hallway, outside the door. And I was like, I was like, oh no, this is specific to me.

• 1:32:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:26Speaker 04

  This is my, like, this is my deepest.

• 1:32:29Stavros Halkias?

  What time?

• 1:32:29Speaker 04

  Like, early.

• 1:32:31Stavros Halkias?

  Brutal.

• 1:32:31Speaker 04

  And I would be like, oh, this is my number one thing that someone could do to me.

• 1:32:36Stavros Halkias?

  Could drive me insane.

• 1:32:37Speaker 04

  To make me, like, this is my Guantanamo Bay, you know? And, and I was like, oh, I, I had that thought. I was like, this is a specific karmic retribution.

• 1:32:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, maybe you are a bad person.

• 1:32:48Speaker 04

  Maybe.

• 1:32:49Stavros Halkias?

  Um, next question, Elders. Good luck out there, witch.

• 1:32:53Speaker 04

  Good luck, witch.

• 1:32:54Stavros Halkias?

  Can you cast a two-inch growth spell? You know what I'm saying? I'm not greedy. Just give me two extra inches. That's all I need.

• 1:33:06Speaker 04

  I would also love a pair of fake cans with no breast implant illness.

• 1:33:10Stavros Halkias?

  That'd be cool, yeah, yeah, just. Now, that's a power, making tits big. If that's true, I'm.

• 1:33:17Speaker 04

  Use your powers for good, babe.

• 1:33:18Stavros Halkias?

  If that's, if that's true, I'm going to fucking, I'm going to wizard school.

• 1:33:22Speaker 04

  I would love to go to wizard school.

• 1:33:24Stavros Halkias?

  Making big cans all across America.

• 1:33:28Stavros Halkias?

  Like fucking Doctor Strange.

• 1:33:31Stavros Halkias?

  I'm making tits juicy all across the USA.

• 1:33:34Speaker 04

  This is, this is.

• 1:33:41Stavros Halkias?

  Alright, that's good, that's very interesting.

• 1:33:44Speaker 04

  Very interesting, that was incredible.

• 1:33:46Stavros Halkias?

  I'd love to, I, I could feel it. Hold on, let's see, can I make your tits big? Anything, nothing?

• 1:33:54Speaker 04

  Anything?

• 1:33:55Stavros Halkias?

  I'm pretty tired. I'll wake up tomorrow, leave an article of your clothing.

• 1:34:01Stavros Halkias?

  Leave your socks, I'll try, and your feet get huge.

• 1:34:06Speaker 04

  Huge feet would be devastating, you know?

• 1:34:09Stavros Halkias?

  The Peggy Hill feet, yeah.

• 1:34:11Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 1:34:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's tough.

• 1:34:13Speaker 04

  Feels like you're wearing a couple fins, you know?

• 1:34:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, of course, I, I.

• 1:34:17Speaker 04

  When you go body surfing?

• 1:34:18Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, yeah, you couldn't have that, well, that would save you fin money, though. I'll save you money on surfing footwear.

• 1:34:26Stavros Halkias?

  What do we got, Eldis?

• 1:34:28Speaker 07

  Hey, Salvy, hope you're doing well, long time fan.

• 1:34:31Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you, my friend.

• 1:34:32Speaker 07

  Hope you are kicking it as always. And Eldis is there, and esteemed guest, hello, I hope you are also doing well.

• 1:34:40Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 1:34:41Speaker 07

  Um, I wanted to reach out and get some advice from you, basically relating to dating, as per usual. Um, I am recently sober, uh, first.

• 1:34:55Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 1:34:56Speaker 07

  Time I've been sober for this long in quite a while. Uh, I am just about at a month now.

• 1:35:04Speaker 07

  So, I, uh, have been adjusting to sober life and I've been doing pretty well about it. I'm able to like go to bars and concerts and stuff and still have a good time.

• 1:35:12Stavros Halkias?

  Damn dude, in a month?

• 1:35:13Speaker 07

  Uh, just without drinking.

• 1:35:15Stavros Halkias?

  This man has such a good fucking social life.

• 1:35:17Speaker 07

  My biggest issue is that I don't want to look like a creep when I match with people online and then they're like, oh, you don't want to drink, but we're gonna meet up for drinks. And, you know, the implication there not being very good. Um, basically, I've just been like getting asked like, hey, let's go out for drinks, just like catch up or meet up or whatever at a bar. And I have to say like, hey, you know, I don't really drink, but like, you're welcome to still do it. And it's like, that comes off as kind of weird. Um, there's someone who, you know, for instance, had matched with me and they were like, let's meet up for drinks. And I was like, hey, just so you know, I don't really drink, but we can still meet up at a bar or something.

• 1:36:01Speaker 07

  And they were like, and this is like 10 o'clock at night, so nothing else was open. And they were like, yeah, I mean, I don't know, that's kind of weird. And then they like later told me that they were concerned about their safety, which like, they're still talking to me. I don't know what that's about. Um, that might just be an individual thing, but.

• 1:36:20Stavros Halkias?

  It's just your vibe.

• 1:36:21Speaker 07

  Give me some advice, Stav, how do I not come off as a creep just because I'm sober? Uh, what do I tell women on the first date? You know, when do I tell them that I'm, I'm sober? What do I do? Thanks a lot, Stav, I appreciate you and your guest and your Albanian. Thanks a lot. And if you could make mine the twisted question of the week, I would appreciate it.

• 1:36:40Stavros Halkias?

  Relax. It's not, first of all, it's not that twisted. Um, um, so, okay, I have some, I mean, I think a lot of this is in our friend's head here. I think he's.

• 1:36:52Speaker 04

  It's all in his head.

• 1:36:53Stavros Halkias?

  I think it's all in your head. I think like one person being like concerned about, like, I do know, there is a general thing where it is, it is a little weird in that it's a difference from the norm. But if any person with fucking half a brain in their head thinks about it for a second, they'll be like, oh, he's sober. He can have a fucking tonic water while I have a fucking beer and it's no big deal.

• 1:37:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, like when I go on first dates, um, at my age now, usually because they're trying to be nice, they're like asked to go to dinner. And I'm like, but we don't know each other and dinner is too big of a commitment. So I say, I say, let's get a drink. And sometimes like, I don't really drink very much anymore. So like, I just have like one drink or whatever. And a lot of times guys will be like, I don't drink, but it's just like, it's not about the drink. They can just have a seltzer or whatever. It's just, it's just like a casual nighttime.

• 1:37:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:47Speaker 04

  Thing, but I don't think anything of it if a guy says they're sober.

• 1:37:51Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 1:37:51Speaker 04

  But maybe.

• 1:37:52Stavros Halkias?

  But also, we know a lot of comics.

• 1:37:53Speaker 04

  Until like everyone.

• 1:37:54Stavros Halkias?

  A lot of people in our lives. Yeah, I mean, everyone gets sober that does comedy, one way or another.

• 1:37:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:38:00Speaker 05

  I mean, I remember doing this when I was sober.

• 1:38:02Stavros Halkias?

  I was just gonna ask, cause you had a sober year.

• 1:38:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:38:04Stavros Halkias?

  And you were still, you were a, an active bachelor on the scene.

• 1:38:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, and I was like, it, it wasn't even like old, it was like when I was like twenty seven, you know, and you.

• 1:38:13Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, that was that long ago?

• 1:38:15Speaker 05

  When was that? Yeah, it must have been like.

• 1:38:16Stavros Halkias?

  It's crazy.

• 1:38:17Speaker 05

  Seven years ago, twenty seven or twenty eight, but.

• 1:38:19Speaker 04

  Oh my god, this is like all we do now.

• 1:38:21Stavros Halkias?

  It's, that's the fucked up thing of literally having eldest in my life since I was five years old. Is that we have memories that are decades old.

• 1:38:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:38:30Stavros Halkias?

  And what he's describing, his sober year, I guess I'm realizing it, you literally met your wife.

• 1:38:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:38:35Stavros Halkias?

  Your first date was during that, so it must have been a while ago.

• 1:38:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:38:39Stavros Halkias?

  But in my head, I'm like, oh yeah, eldest is sober year. What was that, like three, four years ago? What was that, right before the pandemic? And it's like, no, that was not eight, seven years ago.

• 1:38:48Speaker 05

  I can't believe it's that long ago either.

• 1:38:50Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 1:38:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, but, I mean, I did it and it was honestly like, super easy, like I never, people were like, oh, okay, cool. And he needs to think of it as like, you know, it's not just for them, it's like a screening process for you. So you don't like, go and waste your time.

• 1:39:05Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 1:39:06Speaker 05

  You know, you can go to a bar and just have a drink and then like, you don't wanna like, freak someone out by springing this on them without like, their any prior knowledge. And if they do think it's weird, they can just like, be like, eh, I don't know, not for me, and just like, you know.

• 1:39:21Stavros Halkias?

  For sure.

• 1:39:22Speaker 05

  So you, so you don't waste your time too.

• 1:39:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, totally.

• 1:39:24Stavros Halkias?

  That's a great point.

• 1:39:25Speaker 04

  Not judging, judging you, accepting you for who you are.

• 1:39:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, imagine a woman being like, you don't fucking drink, pussy? You're like, alright, well, I'll see you later. Honestly, you are probably look.

• 1:39:36Speaker 04

  I'm gonna give you a swirly now.

• 1:39:39Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, any woman who would think you're a bitch for not drinking, probably pretty good pussy, to be honest. She's probably insane, she probably fucks good, but your life would be worse off for having her in it. So yes, it's a good screening process, and truly, any, like, put yourself in, flip the situation. If a woman was like, hey, I'm newly sober, I don't really drink, I'm just gonna get a Sprite, would you be like, fuck? No, you wouldn't give a fuck. You'd be like, what? But ah, it's gonna be harder to fuck you now. But if you're drunk, you might fuck me.

• 1:40:13Speaker 04

  It sounds like some, it sounds like some girl freaked him out, like saying something about safety and it's like, also maybe because the first date was like spur of the moment 10pm. I think if you're asking someone to go on like a 7pm drink at like a nice bar, no one's gonna say anything. They're not gonna be afraid of you because you're not fucking blasted.

• 1:40:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, also it's like what you want the guy, like.

• 1:40:38Speaker 04

  Wasted? Yeah.

• 1:40:39Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, whatever. That, that lady's fucking dumb, but yeah, dude, you're fine. You're a little in your head. It's a month in. We've all been there where it's like, we're so much more self-conscious about something than, you know, than, like I even sort of, like I've been, I'm taking a sober year. In the first couple of months, I felt kinda weird just even doing social stuff and like, you know, whatever, but it doesn't fucking matter.

• 1:41:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're like, oh, this person's actually boring.

• 1:41:04Stavros Halkias?

  I'm like, oh, this sucks. Legit, I'm like, I'm not stoned as fuck. I'm not high. I'm not high. I'm not drunk. Um, what do you got, Eldis? Something nice to go out on?

• 1:41:14Speaker 04

  You sound like an angel. Good luck. You're doing great.

• 1:41:16Stavros Halkias?

  Good luck, little buddy. He's probably relapsed by now.

• 1:41:21Stavros Halkias?

  But if you haven't, stick to it. And even if you have, get back on the horse or off it. I, I don't really understand which way that works.

• 1:41:29Speaker 07

  What's up, Eldis? What's up, uh, if there's a guest, how you doing, guest?

• 1:41:33Speaker 04

  Hello, angel.

• 1:41:34Speaker 07

  Everything going well? Uh, love the show. Been listening for a long time.

• 1:41:37Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you, dude.

• 1:41:38Speaker 07

  Um, I have a question. I don't think you'll get to it in the time that I need it, but I figured I'd ask anyway for the better.

• 1:41:44Stavros Halkias?

  Good. It's like plant a tree even when you're 60. You know what I mean? Future generations will sit in the shade of this question. Go ahead, Eldis.

• 1:41:55Speaker 07

  Um, at what point in a relationship or like a situationship do you think? Like if you wanna break up with someone, at what point do you like owe them the in person?

• 1:42:07Stavros Halkias?

  I've been with them six years.

• 1:42:08Speaker 07

  No longer, like if it's heck, it's no longer acceptable. Uh, is it a matter of time you've been with this person? Is it like a milestone thing? Like you fuck versus you haven't fucked, but you better family, now you owe her an in person.

• 1:42:17Stavros Halkias?

  Family?

• 1:42:18Speaker 07

  I just.

• 1:42:19Stavros Halkias?

  Situationship, you meet them.

• 1:42:21Speaker 04

  Really wants to dust this bitch on test?

• 1:42:24Stavros Halkias?

  He's like, what, you buy her?

• 1:42:26Speaker 04

  Give me the gift, give me the gold, give me the green light, please.

• 1:42:31Stavros Halkias?

  And she's only had one abortion and that was month, that was, you know, just a week or two ago. How long after? Okay.

• 1:42:41Speaker 07

  Go through the whole like in person song and dance. I don't feel like this current situationship that I wanna end really warrants all that. Um, but also I'm a pussy. I don't really feel like.

• 1:42:52Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:42:52Speaker 07

  Looking someone in the eye.

• 1:42:53Stavros Halkias?

  That's what it is. Breaking their heart, let's relax.

• 1:42:57Speaker 07

  I'm looking for an out here. I'll be honest, I just should just go back to like, you know, where's the barrier?

• 1:43:02Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, so, I mean, break her heart's hilarious, that's number one. Couple of things going on here. You won't even tell us what's going, for sure you need to see her in person.

• 1:43:16Stavros Halkias?

  Because you won't tell us. And you're just hoping, like, why didn't you tell us your situation so we could fucking judge it? Um, I mean, it really is a case by case basis, right? Like, if you could say it's length of time, but let's say you've hook, you're hooking up with somebody and you see them like once a month.

• 1:43:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, versus like every night.

• 1:43:35Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, it just, it really, it really just depends on the situation. Like, I certainly have like just seen people over a weirdly long period of time, but we've maybe like met up like six times over like a year and a half or, you know what I mean? Or something like that.

• 1:43:51Speaker 04

  Met up means?

• 1:43:53Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like went out, whatever, just got sucked each other off, whatever it is. Uh, but like, so it just depends on each specific circumstance like. You, the fact that you even threw out met their family is so insane. Because that's not what it, that is a relationship, like there's no, there's no, oh, oh yeah, hey mom, this is the girl I fuck every, every six weeks. My mom's not meeting those people, your parents shouldn't meet those people, um.

• 1:44:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, I don't know, I mean, it really just is a case by, you fully are a coward, I can hear it in your voice. And you don't want to, you just want to be able to kind of weasel your way out now.

• 1:44:40Speaker 04

  He's already got the text in the drafts.

• 1:44:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

• 1:44:44Speaker 04

  He's just waiting for the, the signal to press go.

• 1:44:48Stavros Halkias?

  But it also depends on, it depends on the like, how serious it was, or have you had any conversations like? If you at the start of it were like, hey, I'm not looking for something serious, like, you know, I like, yeah, we have fun together. If that's, if that doesn't work for you, I totally get it. And if they say yes, don't worry, that works for me. You could probably text your way out of that, cause they know the, the rules of engagement, right?

• 1:45:14Speaker 04

  And like, everyone's on the same page and like, gauging and communicating the whole way. What happens in those situationships is when people don't do that and then they're doing all relationship stuff.

• 1:45:27Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right.

• 1:45:28Speaker 04

  But someone like can't commit even though they're like treating that person like a full partner.

• 1:45:34Stavros Halkias?

  And listen, if you can't commit, that's fine, but if that's what you're doing, then yes, you should break up with them in person.

• 1:45:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:45:39Stavros Halkias?

  You know, then you, you've treated it like a relationship, you have to get out of it like a relationship, so. That's our general rule of thumb, we don't know your specifics, again, I'm guessing fully, you've like. You've probably like spent the night at her house four times in a row or some, something insane, you've probably gone on a vacation with her, um.

• 1:45:58Speaker 04

  You guys share a bank account.

• 1:46:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, you know, some of our real estate holdings are together, but I can have the money guy figure that out and I could just text her.

• 1:46:08Speaker 04

  Fine, really?

• 1:46:10Stavros Halkias?

  So, so yeah, that's, I would say that's the general rule of thumb, even though it's really just case by case, brother, and I'm willing to bet, because you wouldn't describe your situation, you definitely need to break up in person. And you, and by the way, you should work on being a coward. You should work on, you said it yourself, I'm a pussy, I don't want to see someone, I don't want to look someone in the eyes. It's like, that's part of life, man. Doing shit that sucks is important for you too. Not, this isn't really who we're, you know, we're, we're, we should worry about treating the people you date with respect, and that's important, but also, just as a human being, having a hard conversation,

• 1:46:49Stavros Halkias?

  every time I've had one of those, where I don't feel like it, I would pay $10,000 to get out of like, an annoying conversation, whether that's with a relationship, a family member, a work thing, whatever it is, after I've had a, something that I wasn't looking forward to, I honestly do feel like I level up every time. I feel accomplished for having done that. And the next one will get, once you've done something hard, that, that's not hard anymore. The next one's easier.

• 1:47:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, and treating people like that, I believe, comes back to you, and also, like, all that discomfort in the avoidance, I feel compounds the other way too.

• 1:47:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:27Speaker 04

  I mean, and it just ends up making things so much worse than when you have a difficult conversation with dignity, you know, versus just like, leaving someone in the dark, like, confused and just frustrated to death.

• 1:47:41Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:47:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:47:42Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, sorry, I didn't text you for seven months. But yeah, it is over. But anyway, good luck, dude. Maybe, maybe we read you wrong, and you can just text her out of it, but I doubt it. Anyway, that's the show for this week. Blair, thank you so much for being on the pod.

• 1:47:59Speaker 04

  Oh my god, it was so fun.

• 1:48:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yep, very fun. Check out, check out Blair, watch her special.

• 1:48:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:48:07Stavros Halkias?

  And, you know, see, let's start a cult if it's near you, and we'll see you next time. Bye bye.

• 1:48:13Speaker 04

  Bye, thanks guys, love ya.

• 1:48:27Stavros Halkias?

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• 1:49:10Stavros Halkias?

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