#200 - Kam Patterson

Kam Patterson joins the pod to discuss growing up in Orlando, how it's hard to be a thug when you live near Disney, putting his grandma on blast at her 60th birthday, policing the star player on the basketball team for not practicing hard enough, how Al Pacino is still popping off and having kids old AF, and much more. Kam and Stav help callers including a guy who's wondering if he should tell his girlfriend he hooked up with an old friend of hers in the past, and a Black man who loves Greek food but whose favorite restaurant is racist. See Kam Patterson live and follow him on social media: https://kampatterson.com/ https://x.com/Guapedupkam https://www.instagram.com/kamsoofunny/ https://www.youtube.com/@Kamsoofunny https://www.tiktok.com/@kamsoofunny1 Thanks to our sponsors!! Visible - https://www.visible.com/ SWITCH NOW! Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations Keep It Twisted!! ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎤 Watch Stav's new special Uncle Stav on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/82055929 ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld 🎟️ See Stavvy live!! 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:28Speaker 01

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• 0:59Stavros Halkias?

  Hup ba! Welcome, everybody, to Stobby's World. 904-800-Stobby. Call the Stobby's World hotline, sponsored by Visible. We'll solve all your problems, baby. And today on the couch, very happy to have Cam Patterson. Cam, thank you for coming.

• 1:14Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, sir.

• 1:16Speaker 03

  Good to have you, man.

• 1:16Stavros Halkias?

  Thanks for coming out. Florida's own.

• 1:19Speaker 03

  Come on, man. West Orlando soles.

• 1:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, West Orlando. I didn't know, what's the Orlando west-east divide? Is it west-east or is it like, because Baltimore is very east and west Baltimore?

• 1:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:32Stavros Halkias?

  There's no real north-south? I mean, I guess southwest Baltimore. Is there like, what's the divide in Orlando? How does it go?

• 1:39Speaker 03

  Uh.

• 1:40Stavros Halkias?

  And is one of your rivals on the other side of town like Mickey Mouse?

• 1:44Speaker 03

  No, that's Kissimmee. That's over there. That's not even in Orlando.

• 1:47Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, interesting.

• 1:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, I do this, it's a big thing for me. I let everybody in there.

• 1:51Stavros Halkias?

  Everyone thinks Mickey Mouse.

• 1:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:53Stavros Halkias?

  Like, no.

• 1:53Speaker 03

  We got Universal. That's in Orlando. That's our shit. Like, we fuck on Universal. Like, that's good. I'm cool with that. Yeah, I ain't really a big.

• 2:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 2:03Speaker 03

  I realize I have to stop saying fuck Disney on the podcast. Because I would, I mean, I would like to do maybe something on there one day. But I've said fuck Disney. I said fuck Disney enough times, they're like, oh, put that nigga in, that's it.

• 2:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:14Speaker 03

  Don't give him no rose, man.

• 2:15Stavros Halkias?

  You're really painting yourself into an NBC Universal corner.

• 2:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's it.

• 2:20Stavros Halkias?

  I see what's going on here. This motherfucker's a fucking Universal man. He's a company man.

• 2:24Speaker 03

  Because really, man, you go, yeah, you right. Yeah, fuck Disney.

• 2:28Speaker 03

  As I realize, yeah, fuck Disney. Yeah. Fuck them over there, man.

• 2:33Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah. Well, I, yeah, I, uh, Cam's views on Disney are his own.

• 2:42Stavros Halkias?

  I, actually, have they done anything? What's the, has Disney put out a banger?

• 2:46Speaker 03

  They do shit.

• 2:47Stavros Halkias?

  Toy Story 5, it's like.

• 2:48Speaker 03

  Did you see it?

• 2:49Stavros Halkias?

  No, I didn't. But it's like, five? The thing is, I love sequels to movies when they're shitty action movies or shitty horror movies.

• 2:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:56Stavros Halkias?

  When you get to five?

• 2:57Speaker 03

  It's like.

• 2:58Stavros Halkias?

  That can't be good still.

• 2:59Speaker 03

  What's the plan?

• 3:00Stavros Halkias?

  Four, what's the last five that was really good?

• 3:02Speaker 03

  I would say, though, the only reason I think.

• 3:03Stavros Halkias?

  Rocky V sucked dick.

• 3:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:05Stavros Halkias?

  Rocky IV is incredible. I guess four, Rocky IV is all, and then Creed is so good. I love Creed. But it kind of tops out of four. And then I recently watched, uh, Friday the 13th, eight and 10.

• 3:18Speaker 03

  Hmm?

• 3:19Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome, because they're so bad, right? They're, like, one is on eight, they, it's, they go to Manhattan. They sail a boat from Lake Pleasant or Lake, what is it? What is it in Friday the 13th? Placid? I'm a fucking, I'm gonna be exposed as a fake horror, as a fake horror fan, which I am, but my friends, I'm not a horror guy. Uh, but they sail from there to Manhattan.

• 3:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:40Stavros Halkias?

  From a lake in upstate New York to Manhattan. And they're like, at some points, it feels like they're in the ocean, they're in the, like, ocean, it makes no sense. And then 10, Jason is in space.

• 3:50Speaker 03

  That makes no, that makes sense.

• 3:54Speaker 03

  The lake to Manhattan, that's, that don't make no sense. That's in space?

• 3:58Stavros Halkias?

  Jason in space. That's good shit.

• 4:00Speaker 03

  That makes, I can see how they sold that, too.

• 4:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:03Speaker 03

  Let me tell you something.

• 4:04Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, it's a simple pitch.

• 4:05Speaker 03

  Hey, very easy.

• 4:05Stavros Halkias?

  It's just that, Jason in space. Yeah. Your response was what those fucking executives were like. You're a genius.

• 4:12Speaker 03

  We're doing it. We have to get this done.

• 4:14Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah, dude. Yeah, no, uh, but anyway, I don't know. Maybe Disney's falling off, who knows? I haven't, I don't know, when's the last awesome new shit they've done?

• 4:21Speaker 03

  Man, I just hate that niggas always be like, Orlando is Disney. Because that is like our big thing.

• 4:25Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 4:25Speaker 03

  But it's like, but it's over there.

• 4:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:27Speaker 03

  Like, it's far away.

• 4:28Stavros Halkias?

  Because every time I've done gigs, it really feels like this. Like, even the hotels that aren't Disney. One time, me and Elders stayed in the fucking, uh, it was called like the Castle of Magic Hotel.

• 4:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:39Stavros Halkias?

  And it's like, it's clearly like 80 minutes from Disney, and they're trying to trick, like, like.

• 4:45Speaker 03

  They're trying to trick your brain.

• 4:46Stavros Halkias?

  They're trying to trick like a thrifty mom or dad.

• 4:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:49Stavros Halkias?

  Doing a vacation, like, oh, we're staying at the Castle Magic, and it has nothing to do with Disney.

• 4:54Speaker 03

  No idea, they're close to me.

• 4:55Stavros Halkias?

  No, yeah, they're, definitely. It's so funny, dude, yeah. Um, but I get, so was that, yeah, that's kind, it is hard to set, like, who's the biggest, like, uh, like, who's the biggest cool art? It's kind of hard to be cool when your city is Disney-affiliated.

• 5:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's kind of.

• 5:12Stavros Halkias?

  That's a hard hole you have to dig out of.

• 5:14Speaker 03

  It's hard to be like, bro, I'm a street nigga, and it's like, but Mickey Mouse is like your neighbor. It's really tough, like, like, nah, really, like, niggas, I know, like, Rob and, like, really do shit, like, ah, but Mickey Mouse is like your dog.

• 5:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:26Speaker 03

  It's really tough to be a street nigga when Mickey Mouse your home.

• 5:29Stavros Halkias?

  When there's like, when there's like, on this, like, the same corners you could sell drugs on, someone is selling bootleg Disney merch on.

• 5:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, there's a goddamn, there's a, there's a street lamp shaped like Mickey Mouse. You can't be a.

• 5:40Stavros Halkias?

  Under the daisy duck, under the light of daisy duck, you can't really sell crack.

• 5:45Speaker 03

  Like, goddamn, bro, they making it really hard to be a dog, dawg. They making it so tough to be a real nigga. They don't know how hard they made it. It's really fucked up what they did.

• 5:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you guys are getting your, I mean, I feel like South Florida is everybody, that's kind of the, like, the Miami vibe, that's what everybody thinks of. And I mean, like, you know, what are even, is anybody, like, do you have city pride? Are there, is there any good musicians that?

• 6:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:10Stavros Halkias?

  Who's out of Orlando?

• 6:11Speaker 03

  We got, uh, we got Hot Boy. We had, we had Glock 9, they was beefing.

• 6:15Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, okay.

• 6:15Speaker 03

  And now that's, that's, that's, well.

• 6:17Stavros Halkias?

  Do you, do you not, do you not fuck with any, like, do you claim Florida in general? Do you feel allegiance to Orlando specifically?

• 6:25Speaker 03

  Not claim Florida in general.

• 6:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, smart.

• 6:26Speaker 03

  But I'm not really like, you feel me?

• 6:27Stavros Halkias?

  It dilutes the Mickey Mouse thing.

• 6:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, as a whole, yeah, yeah, as a whole. Because it's like, also, it's like, we are insane.

• 6:33Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 6:33Speaker 03

  So we have Mickey Mouse, but we also like.

• 6:34Stavros Halkias?

  It's an insane state. It really is fucking crazy. It's the most, I remember we were driving through, like, back in the day, before I even had, like, you know, Elders being a tour. It was like me, actually, I was opening for Bobby, and we went to these, like, fucked up towns in Florida. And it was just like, you'll, you'll see an old white woman who truly sounds like Gucci Man.

• 6:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:55Stavros Halkias?

  Like, it's fucking nuts. It'll just be like, she looks like a fuck, like a, like a, you know, a grandma, and she just has the deepest, southern drawl.

• 7:03Speaker 03

  What the fuck did that?

• 7:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:05Speaker 03

  She making cookies or some shit.

• 7:06Stavros Halkias?

  Did you, so you, I, were you born and raised?

• 7:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:10Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, interesting, hell, yeah. I mean, you're pretty young, or how old are you?

• 7:12Speaker 03

  Twenty-seven.

• 7:13Stavros Halkias?

  Twenty-seven, okay, yeah, yeah. So you went straight from, you went to Orlando and then, did you move to Austin briefly before coming here?

• 7:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was, Austin, two years.

• 7:20Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, two years, okay, nice. Hell, yeah, dude. What was the, uh, how many, how many siblings and shit did you have?

• 7:26Speaker 03

  I had, I got, I got four siblings and five siblings.

• 7:28Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah.

• 7:28Speaker 03

  Yes, I got two older, two younger.

• 7:30Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, nice, right in the middle.

• 7:31Speaker 03

  Hell, yeah, the record.

• 7:32Stavros Halkias?

  Did you have any middle child shit? Because you, I feel like most middle children, like, withdrawn, you're very fucking outgoing.

• 7:38Speaker 03

  Nah.

• 7:38Stavros Halkias?

  You think you just needed to get attention?

• 7:39Speaker 03

  I don't know, my mom only kid.

• 7:41Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I see, I see, I see.

• 7:42Speaker 03

  You know what I'm saying? But all the other ones, they got like a pair.

• 7:44Stavros Halkias?

  Aight.

• 7:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The older two, they, they like four, and then the other, the younger two are four, and then it's just like, I'm just here.

• 7:51Stavros Halkias?

  I see, I see.

• 7:51Speaker 03

  You feel me?

• 7:52Stavros Halkias?

  So you're, yeah, you're a middle, you're sort of a middle child, but you got your own setup.

• 7:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:56Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 7:57Speaker 03

  Like, I would go to my, I'll be at my mama's house, and I'll just be vibing by myself, chilling, and then I go to my dad's, and now I have siblings.

• 8:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:03Speaker 03

  It was very funny, because like, growing up, my mama stayed like somewhere, and my daddy stayed like the hood, so it'd be funny, like, to like, my mama would.

• 8:08Stavros Halkias?

  You had all the room by yourself.

• 8:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:10Stavros Halkias?

  And then you go to the hood.

• 8:11Speaker 03

  But she wouldn't let me do nothing, like, she, I couldn't go outside around the corner, nothing like that. I was like, it was very like lockdown.

• 8:16Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 8:17Speaker 03

  And I go to my dad's house, he'd be like, hey, nigga, like, you know how to get home.

• 8:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:22Speaker 03

  You know how to get back.

• 8:23Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally. There's some pizza on the Kitchen Island.

• 8:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:26Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, there's, it's been out all day.

• 8:27Speaker 03

  You can figure that out, man. Yo, yo, figure that, I believe in you.

• 8:31Stavros Halkias?

  So wait, so it was older and then younger, so your parents, did your dad, how did that work?

• 8:36Speaker 03

  My, my dad had his first wife.

• 8:38Stavros Halkias?

  Gotcha.

• 8:39Speaker 03

  Had my, the first two, then my mom and his third wife.

• 8:41Stavros Halkias?

  Gotcha.

• 8:42Speaker 03

  My stepmom.

• 8:42Stavros Halkias?

  Is he set up now? You think it's good, stepmom's the last one?

• 8:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he's retired?

• 8:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:48Stavros Halkias?

  No more, no more strange for pops?

• 8:51Speaker 03

  He's 66, dawg, hey. He got it anymore, I'm gonna be blowed as fuck, man. I'm like, hey, bro, you can't, I'm not claiming them. They're not, that's not my sibling. I don't know them, how do I know them? That's like, now it's like, my, at this point, it's like, that's my, that's my nephew or something. It's like, that can't be my little brother, dawg.

• 9:06Stavros Halkias?

  Little brother when you're, you would be 27 years older than them.

• 9:10Speaker 03

  It's too late.

• 9:11Stavros Halkias?

  That's tough.

• 9:11Speaker 03

  It's too late, bro.

• 9:12Stavros Halkias?

  That's, I mean, when you see like, Al Pacino still nutting in, in 27, you're, like, people your age.

• 9:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's crazy.

• 9:19Stavros Halkias?

  That's tough.

• 9:19Speaker 03

  But also, it's like.

• 9:20Stavros Halkias?

  I respect it.

• 9:21Speaker 03

  Hang out.

• 9:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 9:22Speaker 03

  It's, it's crazy when it's not you. You know what I'm saying? Like, when you're looking at it, just like, aw, that's insane to do.

• 9:27Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 9:28Speaker 03

  It's like, if I'm, if I'm 70.

• 9:29Stavros Halkias?

  If I'm old.

• 9:30Speaker 03

  You know what I'm saying? Now, now.

• 9:32Stavros Halkias?

  Why not get a vasectomy, Al? You got old jizz.

• 9:35Speaker 03

  Because you're gonna, he's gonna die, and the kid's not gonna know who the fuck he is.

• 9:37Stavros Halkias?

  Right, exactly. Because, look, I respect busting inside. I'm, I'm not gonna come here.

• 9:43Speaker 03

  Hey.

• 9:43Stavros Halkias?

  I'm not gonna come here on a public platform and come out against.

• 9:47Speaker 03

  Listen.

• 9:47Stavros Halkias?

  Treating yourself to an inside nut.

• 9:49Speaker 03

  It's the best thing in the world, man.

• 9:52Stavros Halkias?

  Literally biologically.

• 9:55Speaker 03

  Oh man, it's like, it's truly what we were evolved to.

• 10:01Stavros Halkias?

  Truly, so I get it, but Al, you're fucking eighty-four, whatever age you are, and you are, listen, you are, you are a legend. I get that, why not snip your old nuts? How hard would it be to do a vasectomy on an old guy? I bet you could do it with like, with tweezers. If he goes down a really fast elevator and his nuts kinda jump.

• 10:27Speaker 03

  On a, uh, uh, on a, uh, roller coaster.

• 10:29Stavros Halkias?

  Taking a universal.

• 10:31Speaker 03

  We'll put him on a velocicoaster. Get around that bit two, three times.

• 10:35Stavros Halkias?

  Scramble his nuts.

• 10:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, no more kids.

• 10:37Stavros Halkias?

  Like, have you ever seen, uh, like a viral video where they shake an egg? And they boil it and then it comes out yellow like scrambled eggs? Do that to Al Pacino's nuts.

• 10:46Speaker 03

  Said to me, that's he too old, now they gonna be no sense, he might break or something, nah, roller coaster three times.

• 10:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Roller coaster three times and Al's good, you're so fucking right.

• 10:54Speaker 03

  The velocicoaster.

• 10:58Stavros Halkias?

  I was not a, I was not an amusement parks guy.

• 11:00Speaker 03

  For real?

• 11:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I was also, I was truly a coward, I was scared of, of roller coasters. Uh, we all, me and my brothers almost died in Wildwood, New Jersey on like some fucking Tilt-A-Whirl shit.

• 11:11Speaker 03

  Oh, that's, that's pussy.

• 11:12Stavros Halkias?

  I know, that's what I'm saying, and after that, cause we was like, you know, a fucking child running the thing.

• 11:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:17Stavros Halkias?

  Um, and he just was like, oh, my bad, and he didn't give, nobody gave a fuck.

• 11:21Speaker 03

  Oh, I'mma die for real.

• 11:22Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, dude, I don't mean I got scared, I mean, we got out of the thing and the fucking carny running it just started it up. Cause it was just me and my brothers, it was like a very horrible carnival, it was like off-season Wildwood, New Jersey. My, we used to go to Greece and then we, you know, had no money, obviously, and so my dad, so they tried one year, my parents like, well, we'll go to the, the beach in New Jersey, worst fucking vacation of all time, and yeah, literally, it was just me and my brothers, and we kept getting up and going around. And one time this guy just like wasn't paying attention, and we got out of our seats and he fucking started it up again, and I think I'm a little, I also had, I, I think I was way too young when I went on this really little, little dick like dragon roller coaster.

• 12:04Stavros Halkias?

  At my, at the Greek festival, shout out to Saint Nicholas, uh, and that scared me when I was four, and I wonder if I waited till I was six. If I'd have a different relationship with roller coasters, but I'm also a coward when it comes to that shit anyway, so that's part of why I wasn't, you know, that amped. And when you're a little fat child, every snack is so expensive, your parent isn't buying you.

• 12:24Speaker 03

  It's not, it's not that much fun.

• 12:25Stavros Halkias?

  No, dude, I'd rather just, you know, but I don't know, again, or you're, you're in the shadow of Orlando, so that's the culture around there.

• 12:33Speaker 03

  I would say, I went to a summer camp one time and I almost, I almost died on the Hulk at Universal.

• 12:37Stavros Halkias?

  Oh shit.

• 12:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, cause I was, I was too, I was too small to go on a ride, but they kinda just like, it just sandwiched me in between two counselors. I'm like, nah, you good, and then I got on a ride and I was like, oh, there's a reason you have to be a certain height.

• 12:49Stavros Halkias?

  You're slipping out of this shit.

• 12:50Speaker 03

  Truly holding on for my, my dear life.

• 12:52Stavros Halkias?

  Were you two fat counselors or regular?

• 12:54Speaker 03

  Regular side, but I'm, I'm, I was little, like, I'm five, I'm five eight now.

• 12:57Stavros Halkias?

  I see, I see.

• 12:58Speaker 03

  You know what I'm saying, so then I was like, shh.

• 13:00Stavros Halkias?

  You were skinny as a kid.

• 13:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, what? I'm nimble.

• 13:03Stavros Halkias?

  I see, I see.

• 13:04Speaker 03

  You feel me? Truly holding on for my life.

• 13:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:07Speaker 03

  Truly holding on for my life.

• 13:08Stavros Halkias?

  What kind of summer camp was it, like, uh?

• 13:10Speaker 03

  It was like one of the summer camps, they sent like hood kids to like do other shit.

• 13:12Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 13:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, like we went ice skating one time, on the highway there in Florida, that was cool though.

• 13:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:17Speaker 03

  I enjoyed it.

• 13:18Stavros Halkias?

  You enjoyed ice skating?

• 13:19Speaker 03

  That was fun.

• 13:21Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 13:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:21Stavros Halkias?

  I'm bad, that's another thing I, I, they would take us to, cause I went to like a summer camp, my, with my like, you know, the rec center at my school. And they would do some shit like that too, where they would take us ice skating, we would, it was mostly like, we, we did like public pools, public rinks and shit like that. Patterson Park actually in both.

• 13:38Speaker 03

  Hell yeah, that's hard.

• 13:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Patterson Park, right, yeah, right by there, I grew up right over there, and I was so fucking, I was like clinging on to the shit, I was so embarrassed.

• 13:46Speaker 03

  You roller skate?

• 13:47Stavros Halkias?

  I can, I can roller skate, I used to be, dude, I'm never roller skating again.

• 13:51Speaker 03

  I mean.

• 13:51Stavros Halkias?

  I'm done, dude, I threw my fucking back out this year and I was like, I'm washed, bro, it's done. No more, no more like, no more anything where a freak accident could paralyze me now. Cause my, my fucking, my, my spine, bro, is like, it's, I don't know, the B, it's like the BQE, it's fucking crumbling.

• 14:10Speaker 03

  What's that?

• 14:11Stavros Halkias?

  The BQE is a, the asphalt, apparently the biggest fucking highway from Brooklyn to Queens, the Brooklyn Queens Expressway. The concrete on that shit was only supposed to, they're supposed to replace it like forty years ago. And it was only made for like half the traffic, cause when they designed it, nobody had fucking cars.

• 14:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:26Stavros Halkias?

  And now it's like, hey, uh, this shit's about to fucking explode, like truly, uh, John Wilson just, he, he did a documentary called The History of Concrete, and I think they talk about that in it, and he, he did a documentary about concrete, and he was like, I will no longer drive on the BQE, so take that, whatever you guys wanna do, what, you know.

• 14:46Speaker 03

  I gotta figure out where that is right now. There's a lot of bridges, I don't know where the fuck, I have no idea, I feel like that's a big ass bridge.

• 14:53Stavros Halkias?

  What do you, what do you mean, there's not? Bro, I don't know, I don't, I'm fucking dumb too, I just heard it's crumbling and that's what my spine is like, uh huh, but yeah, it's apparently we're fucked. That, the infrastructure is just fucking completely fucked.

• 15:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, but we was never supposed to add as many people.

• 15:06Stavros Halkias?

  No, that is true, that is true, it is funny when you see some shit about New York and it's like, it was like a little farming Dutch village. Basically where Wall Street is, like the very bottom of Manhattan, and then all this shit happened off that, it's fucking nuts, dude.

• 15:20Speaker 03

  We just built up.

• 15:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:22Speaker 03

  We just gonna go up.

• 15:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, have you been liking it? I mean, New York is a different vibe than, than.

• 15:27Speaker 03

  The game plan was to get here anyway.

• 15:29Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, you were always a New York guy, hell yeah.

• 15:31Speaker 03

  The game plan was to get here off the dribble.

• 15:33Stavros Halkias?

  I love it.

• 15:33Speaker 03

  You feel me?

• 15:34Stavros Halkias?

  Did you ever, like, when you were a little kid going to these like camps, did you ever, is that where you did some performance, like was there ever like a talent show, was there like a play or some shit?

• 15:42Speaker 03

  Nah.

• 15:43Stavros Halkias?

  No?

• 15:43Speaker 03

  Nah, I was, I was, people kept me away from microphones real young. They was like, you put a microphone in this nigga's face, he gonna say whatever don't need to be said at all time.

• 15:53Stavros Halkias?

  Did you get in trouble for saying wild shit as a little kid?

• 15:55Speaker 03

  What? Yeah. I got, at my, at my grandma's birthday party, when she was like turning like sixty or something, all my cousins got up and said how much they love my grandma. And they were got up, they was like, oh, I love Granny, cause Granny takes me here.

• 16:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:07Speaker 03

  But then they were like, you understand, like, my cousins were all scared of my grandma's house, I used to go to my grandma's house all the time, so I knew my grandma, I love my grandma, but like, I knew my grandma.

• 16:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you had a real relationship.

• 16:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, so they, they be like, oh, Granny does this for me and I love that, and I got, and I was like, one thing I tell you about Granny, I'm, bro, I'm ten. One thing I tell you about Granny, Granny like to go to the arcade, I didn't know what that was at the time, gamble, some gambling.

• 16:28Stavros Halkias?

  So you're exposing.

• 16:31Speaker 03

  The dribble, like, hey, first of all, my grandma be gambling like shit, and then, when she go to gamble, I'mma tell you this, she always be like, oh, Jazzy, the dog, watch Cameron, bitch. Hot dog, I watch me, I'm ten, and I said that, and they were like, take the mic.

• 16:46Speaker 03

  Take, take the mic, put him in, put him somewhere dark, please.

• 16:50Stavros Halkias?

  This is a classic like family, everybody from the family.

• 16:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:53Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, cause it's like grandma, everyone that just fucking, she essentially caused their birth.

• 16:58Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 16:59Stavros Halkias?

  So it's like probably forty, fifty.

• 17:00Speaker 03

  And my grandma like famous in her town, so it's like, and it's like, she like in like, she like the Elks and money, she's, she, she like big in the church, so it's like more than just family.

• 17:08Stavros Halkias?

  I see.

• 17:09Speaker 03

  I'm going crazy in front of like half of Gainesville.

• 17:11Stavros Halkias?

  She's a pillar of the Gainesville community.

• 17:13Speaker 03

  Yes, and I'm, I'm going off, you don't understand, but like, she be gambling in my face.

• 17:20Speaker 03

  Somebody get the mic from Cam.

• 17:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, was this your mom or dad's mom?

• 17:24Speaker 03

  My mom.

• 17:24Stavros Halkias?

  Mom, okay, I see, hell yeah.

• 17:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, my dad's side of the family, they treat me like a folk tale, bro.

• 17:28Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 17:29Speaker 03

  They treat me like, I mean, one time, I met, I met one of my, one of my cousins, my dad got thirteen brothers and sisters.

• 17:33Stavros Halkias?

  Holy shit.

• 17:34Speaker 03

  We got like, it's like through the roof, they miss a lot of them.

• 17:36Stavros Halkias?

  So him going with five is like, he's being modest.

• 17:39Speaker 03

  He chilling, he five. Cause my grandpa was at that bit.

• 17:43Stavros Halkias?

  Damn.

• 17:43Speaker 03

  Popping them out.

• 17:44Stavros Halkias?

  And, and what it was, did grandpa do a similar move, three or more spouses or was one guy?

• 17:51Speaker 03

  Nah, one, one, yeah, my grandma had all of them.

• 17:53Stavros Halkias?

  Damn.

• 17:54Speaker 03

  And they all are like the clumps.

• 17:58Speaker 03

  I shit you not, I shit you not, they all are like a different version of my dad. If I had, if I had the picture, I'd sue you.

• 18:06Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking awesome, dude.

• 18:07Speaker 03

  And I don't know all their names, I love them.

• 18:09Stavros Halkias?

  So many aunts and uncles that you don't even fucking know.

• 18:12Speaker 03

  Love them though, but it's so many, bro.

• 18:13Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking.

• 18:14Speaker 03

  But yeah, but over there, like, I meet one of my cousins that I ain't seen in forever, and I had just be like, hey, hey, bro, you remember what you did when you was seven? I'm like, oh, you, what you talking about, so one day I remember you came, you came through Jacksonville and the, the minivan opened up, you ran, bit me my leg and then ran off.

• 18:30Stavros Halkias?

  Bit you?

• 18:30Speaker 03

  And I was like, oh.

• 18:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 18:32Speaker 03

  I'm sorry, I apologize, dog.

• 18:34Stavros Halkias?

  Damn dude, so we're talking, did they ever have like the classic huge black family reunion with that?

• 18:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 18:42Stavros Halkias?

  Hence, like the, I've, I was always so envious, when I would go to the park and I would see like two hundred black people. And just smell like, truly like ribs and they got the grill going, and I'm like, you know, with my, we're just there to like play fucking soccer or whatever.

• 18:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:58Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 18:59Speaker 03

  Nah, it's dope.

• 18:59Stavros Halkias?

  Cause I, I come from a very small, like Greek people usually have a lot of cousins and shit, but I come from like, two cousins on one side, one cousin on the other side.

• 19:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:08Stavros Halkias?

  Pisses me the fuck off, I would want a huge fucking, I would want a family so big you could accidentally fuck a cousin and not realize it.

• 19:15Speaker 03

  Nah, that's crazy.

• 19:16Stavros Halkias?

  I don't wanna do it, I don't wanna do it, but I wanna be eligible for it. I just want that to be something that could happen to me by accident, uh, but yeah, right now I just got, we're, we're real, but it, that always looked fun as fuck.

• 19:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, I missed my last one, I tried to get off when we do my family reun, cause I try like not do shows and shit, I missed the last one. And they said my cousin, my cousin Bianca, she a lesbian, so she look like me.

• 19:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, same, same style.

• 19:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, same, like, same, but it was like, she was having a time, like she had got a fake go yard bag and she was going crazy, I'm like, I miss some lesbian shit.

• 19:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 19:51Speaker 03

  The last one I went to, we was playing craps in a hotel room, and there's a picture, I gotta find this picture, dog, and we in, we in a hotel, we playing craps. And my, my cousin is on the floor shirtless, all fours.

• 20:03Speaker 03

  Oh, big nigga, big nigga.

• 20:05Stavros Halkias?

  I love, I love the idea of taking over like a fucking Marriott.

• 20:08Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, we, are we.

• 20:09Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking, shooting dice in a fucking Holiday Inn is so funny.

• 20:13Speaker 03

  Like, we on for that weekend, or we on, but my little cousin did the funniest shit. My little cousin, my auntie's daughter. So she, she, um, they, there's not a lot, there's not like a lot of cousins her age, like, but she's like a, there's like two her age. And she's like a, she's a big girl, she's like seven, but she's like a bullet.

• 20:28Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, hell, yeah.

• 20:29Speaker 03

  So she, she wanted to, she, she wanted to play hide and seek, but everybody is in the door. She asked all of us, like, all of us, like, you wanna play hide and seek? I'm like, bro, I'm, I'm twenty seven. I'm not playing hide and seek with you. I shit you not, after she asked me, she asked all my cousins around me, right? And they, we all said, no. We were like, we're not playing hide and seek with you.

• 20:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 20:47Speaker 03

  An hour later, her and the other little cousin, they go missing.

• 20:51Stavros Halkias?

  Hilarious. We're gonna make you play hide and seek one way or another.

• 20:56Speaker 03

  They get ready, everybody get ready to call the police.

• 20:59Stavros Halkias?

  Either you play hide and seek with me, or this is an Amber alert.

• 21:03Speaker 03

  Bro, I shit you not, bro.

• 21:04Stavros Halkias?

  Respect.

• 21:06Speaker 03

  They locked, but we couldn't find her for like an hour and a half.

• 21:09Stavros Halkias?

  Holy fuck.

• 21:09Speaker 03

  When we found them, my little cousin, so I'm like, shh, don't say shit. When they look under the table, don't fucking say nothing, you hear me? We gonna play hide and seek.

• 21:17Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking funny, dude.

• 21:19Speaker 03

  That shit killed me, dawg.

• 21:20Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking hilarious. Elders, how we doing on the, it feels hotter in here than usual. Do we have?

• 21:24Speaker 03

  Nah, I do just sweat.

• 21:25Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, I, but me too. It's not just you. Yeah, yeah. How do we look? Can you fucking lower the shit down or text somebody to do it? Yeah, yeah, there you go. We got fucking eighty people working out there. Somebody can fucking press down on the fucking air conditioner. This motherfucker, we still haven't figured out the air conditioning in here.

• 21:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:41Stavros Halkias?

  And for this room to be kinda cold, the rest of the office has to be cold as fuck. And Elders is a bitch ass when we're all working here and not recording. He usually has this room cold as fuck, so you need like a parka outside.

• 21:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:52Stavros Halkias?

  The one time we're recording, it's fucking warm, you motherfucker. This episode is brought to you by Visible. The smartest upgrade this season isn't a new phone, it's a better wireless plan. Switch to Visible, the ultimate wireless hack. You get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon. We have Visible here at Stavi Baby Enterprises. We love it. We just got a new assistant. She loves it. She's taking all our sushi orders. They're going through the Visible network, brought to you by Verizon. It's fast, it's reliable, it's so sick. They sponsor the Stavies World hotline, as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out. Oh my God, they're the best. Switch today at visible.com. The Visible plan starts at twenty five dollars a month.

• 22:35Stavros Halkias?

  Or get the premium Visible Plus Pro plan and save ten dollars on your first month with promo code STAV. Terms apply. Oh, baby, the fall, October, a chill in the air. The leaves are turning. Your body's all messed up. It's dark outside, fast. You're getting off. You gotta switch from summer to the fall? That's where your AG1 routine earns its spot. It's not fixing your sleep or your alarm time. It's giving your body what it needs so the dark mornings don't tank you before you even start. One scoop cold water every morning before anything else. AG1 Next Gen has seventy five plus ingredients, including vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics, and you're not gonna believe this, superfoods.

• 23:20Stavros Halkias?

  It's backed by four separate gold standard clinical trials and specifically formulated to support immune defense. So you could stay ahead of the season. I'm loving AG1. You know, I'm back in, I'm back at it with the health. Stavi Gets Ripped is coming back. AG1 is now, now they're a nice building block to me. Keep checking back, folks. Let's see how it's going. I'm feeling more energetic. I'm ready to go. And I will say, other little vitamin, I've tried a lot of stuff. The taste of AG1 is pretty delectable while you're getting healthy. Go to drinkag1.com/stavi and for a limited time, get a free immune support bundle, including a bottle of omega three fish oil and a bottle of vitamin D three K two

• 24:04Stavros Halkias?

  with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/stavi. Did you ever, did you ever meet an Albanian, Cam?

• 24:15Speaker 03

  Albanian?

• 24:15Stavros Halkias?

  Do you have Albanians in Florida?

• 24:17Speaker 03

  I'm trying, we probably do.

• 24:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:19Speaker 03

  I'm trying to think, I ain't.

• 24:20Stavros Halkias?

  What's the most exotic white person you've met? What style?

• 24:24Speaker 03

  Exotic white, damn.

• 24:26Stavros Halkias?

  Is there any kind of, any kind of like bulk, I mean, I'm trying to, Florida seems mostly to be like Hispanic, white trash. You know, light skinned Cubans are sort of.

• 24:36Speaker 03

  That what the east side, the east side is mainly like.

• 24:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:39Speaker 03

  Spanish people.

• 24:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:41Stavros Halkias?

  I guess that, I don't even know, I guess there, there is like, in Tampa, there's a bunch of Greek people, but, you know.

• 24:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm trying to think, man, the most exotic white one probably won't care, tell me when I met Ari.

• 24:50Stavros Halkias?

  Okay. Yeah, oh, true.

• 24:52Speaker 03

  Estonia.

• 24:52Stavros Halkias?

  Estonia, that's a good one, that's a good one, that is a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's one of those that I'm like, what the fu- With those countries, you're like, were they communists or fascists?

• 25:02Speaker 03

  What is the?

• 25:02Stavros Halkias?

  Were they sort of both in a weird way? Like, a lot of, a lot of.

• 25:05Speaker 03

  What y'all playing over there? I always got a game y'all had going on.

• 25:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, that's some other shit. Those motherfuckers, you know, some of that Eastern European shit gets fucking sad.

• 25:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:14Stavros Halkias?

  Like, gets real fucking bad. He's literally, Elders is literally a refugee from Albania.

• 25:18Speaker 03

  Say you swear.

• 25:19Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 25:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 25:20Speaker 04

  I am. We got, we got, we came around the lottery, like, we got sponsored by a church in Greece. And a church in Baltimore, and they helped set us up and everything.

• 25:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude.

• 25:29Speaker 04

  So we are some off the boat ass motherfuckers.

• 25:32Stavros Halkias?

  If his parents didn't win a lottery fucking forty years ago. This motherfucker would be a sheep farmer right now. This fucking guy would not speak English at all, dude. Isn't that crazy? I was born here, this, this, he's not eligible to be president. I am.

• 25:50Speaker 04

  Damn. We'll change that law.

• 25:54Speaker 03

  I could be the president. I could do it. You cannot do it. Your president had to draw fucking five numbers in the room.

• 26:04Stavros Halkias?

  The America Powerball.

• 26:06Speaker 03

  Ooh, ooh, say, say eleven, say eleven, god damn it, twelve, fuck.

• 26:11Stavros Halkias?

  God damn it.

• 26:11Speaker 03

  I hate these goats.

• 26:12Stavros Halkias?

  All right, I guess I'll go back to fucking shearing these fucking sheep. I guess I'll get my, give my grandma enough wool to make me a sweater for the winter.

• 26:20Speaker 03

  Potato soup again. God damn it, bro.

• 26:24Stavros Halkias?

  I know, dude, it's fucking, it is, it's fucking insane to think about that shit.

• 26:27Speaker 03

  No, it's sad.

• 26:27Stavros Halkias?

  Like, hit, like, not even that far back.

• 26:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:31Stavros Halkias?

  Like, this motherfucker sitting in front of us, and a completely American guy.

• 26:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:35Stavros Halkias?

  Like, just fucking, yeah, different, something goes different, or just a bribe hits the right Albanian and a different family gets to America.

• 26:42Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 26:43Speaker 04

  I do feel estranged from my culture. I gotta really lock in and learn about the history of Albania and get in touch a little more.

• 26:49Stavros Halkias?

  Well, you're about to have a fucking kid.

• 26:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly.

• 26:51Stavros Halkias?

  You're gonna have a kid, congratulations.

• 26:52Speaker 04

  Thank you, thank you, yeah.

• 26:53Stavros Halkias?

  So, yeah, you wanna fucking honky, dude?

• 26:55Speaker 04

  I know, I don't want a honky that won't know how to speak like Albanian. Like, I gotta teach him.

• 27:00Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta take him there.

• 27:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, for sure.

• 27:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. So they'll have fucking, hold him hostage.

• 27:06Stavros Halkias?

  Send us our new microphone. We want to podcast here.

• 27:10Speaker 03

  The family that, the family that didn't get to go.

• 27:13Stavros Halkias?

  It was my dream be podcast producer.

• 27:18Stavros Halkias?

  You stole everything from me, Sula.

• 27:22Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking awesome, dude. Yeah. What do you, do you, because of, I mean, what are you, what's your philosophy on kids? Since you come from such a huge family, you, you know, you're grant, you have so many cousins, even your immediate family, you have a bunch of kids, like.

• 27:35Speaker 03

  Nah, I want, I want, I want kids, I want kids like now, Ben.

• 27:38Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, really?

• 27:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I want kids like now.

• 27:40Stavros Halkias?

  You're ready to make a crucial error?

• 27:42Speaker 03

  I mean, that's what everybody say. But also like, but for me, it's like, bro, I tell stories, so it's like.

• 27:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 27:46Speaker 03

  I have a kid.

• 27:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:48Speaker 03

  I'm gonna let that nigga special number one.

• 27:51Speaker 03

  Welcome to the party special.

• 27:53Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, listen, Ali Siddique, that motherfucker keeps having kids, he keeps doing specials. He's the best, he's the fucking best storytelling comic. He's incredible. And that motherfucker, he's a great example, so that's, there's, there's worse guys to fucking.

• 28:07Speaker 03

  I get a kid, I'm like, all right, fuck it, you better do something quick.

• 28:12Speaker 03

  I need a new thirty, you hear me? Hurry up, whoa, say something crazy, dawg.

• 28:19Stavros Halkias?

  I bet, but look, I guess you're right. That's, that shows my fucking dumbass brain where I'm like, this fuck, this kid's a baby.

• 28:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:26Stavros Halkias?

  He's barely twenty seven. He just got on SNL. He's in no position to have children. Meanwhile, like, you know, your fucking great grand, your fucking grandparents were just like, churning them out.

• 28:37Speaker 03

  My granddad probably on, at twenty seven, probably on three.

• 28:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 28:41Speaker 03

  Had to be, or maybe more.

• 28:42Stavros Halkias?

  Easy, probably way more, dude. At twenty, twenty seven, if you have fucking thirteen kids.

• 28:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, he probably on, I gotta ask, probably shit.

• 28:49Stavros Halkias?

  The pacing is crazy. The pacing is nuts. Cause I think about that shit too, cause I'm like, I'm thirty seven. If I wanna have kids, which, you know, I don't really know if I give a fuck about, I think enough people around, I'm like so designed to be an uncle.

• 29:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:02Stavros Halkias?

  That it's like.

• 29:03Speaker 03

  I say that, I say that, I say my dad was never supposed to be a dad. He was never supposed to be, he was supposed to be my uncle one thousand percent. He one thousand percent supposed to be my uncle. And then somehow it was like, oh, just give him the kid.

• 29:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, he went out Pacino mode too many times.

• 29:17Speaker 03

  Ah, you got him now, there you go. Yeah, cuz it's like, man, my dad's a situation where it's like, yeah, you're too much fun for a father.

• 29:23Stavros Halkias?

  So he's a fucking awesome dude.

• 29:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's good.

• 29:26Stavros Halkias?

  I feel that way about my dad too, where I'm like, if we were, if I met you as a guy, we would be boys.

• 29:32Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 29:32Stavros Halkias?

  But as a dad. We have some crucial issues.

• 29:36Speaker 03

  But my dad would understand cuz he's so, it's a thing of like, he's so proud of what I'm doing, but also he would understand like, like what's like, so I'm, we'll do shows and people to be, my dog, my, my, my dog, Jarrett, like my open this him, he'll, he'll see this, he'll watch this happen. I've been agreeing with you, I did a meet greet, meet greet done, you feel what I'm saying? I met everybody, all that shit. He'll watch like a guy leaving that didn't get to meet me. He'll be like, you wanna meet him?

• 29:58Stavros Halkias?

  Your dad will?

• 29:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:59Stavros Halkias?

  Just bring him back to the.

• 30:00Speaker 03

  Bro, bring him back, black, and look who I found back there looking for you. The nigga was walking out the door, man, I'm like, I got, I have so much access to this nigga, you will not believe.

• 30:10Stavros Halkias?

  Your dad is selling bootleg meet and greets?

• 30:14Stavros Halkias?

  He's fucking propping open the door to the kitchen of the Funny Bone. Come on, fellas.

• 30:19Stavros Halkias?

  Don't, hey, don't touch any fry, don't.

• 30:21Speaker 03

  You just came to meet the nigga, don't do all this shit. You want food, I say you food. You just came to meet the guy.

• 30:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and then he goes and puts in the order, he's also taking their orders and putting it on your tab.

• 30:33Stavros Halkias?

  He's selling them fucking, uh, tenders and shit, that's so fucking awesome. What was like, what, uh, like what kind, he was just like a party guy, like what was his thing, did he have gambling?

• 30:43Speaker 03

  No, my dad don't drink or smoke or nothing, he just like a goofy guy.

• 30:47Stavros Halkias?

  Gotcha.

• 30:48Speaker 03

  He just a, like a, just a truly a goofy individual.

• 30:50Stavros Halkias?

  What he do growing up, what's his job, what do he?

• 30:52Speaker 03

  My, so, uh, my, my, my, his, he like, he's like super, well, his parents are super like religious, they have like apostolic and stuff like that.

• 30:59Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, interesting.

• 30:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:00Stavros Halkias?

  What are the, what's, what's the apostolic, are they tongues?

• 31:02Speaker 03

  I don't.

• 31:04Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, just check, fucking do a little research.

• 31:05Speaker 03

  I can't describe, I, I can't.

• 31:07Stavros Halkias?

  He'll figure it out, it's all good. But he grew up religious as fuck.

• 31:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:10Stavros Halkias?

  And these are the thirteen, that makes sense.

• 31:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:12Stavros Halkias?

  Thirteen kids, that's like some fucking like, the way we think about like, yeah, Amish people.

• 31:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 31:17Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean?

• 31:18Speaker 03

  Like my dad, my dad's only dream was really to work with his dad.

• 31:20Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, cool, interesting.

• 31:22Speaker 03

  So like.

• 31:22Stavros Halkias?

  And what do you, what do they do?

• 31:23Speaker 03

  My, my grandmother was like architect.

• 31:25Stavros Halkias?

  Sick, dude.

• 31:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:26Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, that's fucking awesome. It's so funny to be an arc, that's so funny to be an architect and have thirteen kids.

• 31:31Speaker 03

  It is very.

• 31:31Stavros Halkias?

  Cuz that's like, uh, you think about that and you're like, oh, I don't know, or do they have a fucking family business and they wanted free like labor? Cuz that's what my grandmother, they had like all, they kept having kids like, work at their store, you know what I mean? So it's so funny to just be at a desk doing a white collar job and then be like, alright, time to fuck my wife.

• 31:52Stavros Halkias?

  Number ten on the way. Fuck, I gotta keep fucking making houses, I gotta keep drawing fucking bridges and shit.

• 31:59Speaker 03

  No, really shit.

• 32:01Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck, yeah, so your dad wanted to be an architect and he just, but he didn't or?

• 32:05Speaker 03

  He, I mean, I mean, I tell her about it all the time, man. I guess, my dad was like.

• 32:10Stavros Halkias?

  What does that, what do you, how can you be sort of an architect?

• 32:13Speaker 03

  My dad was like, I never, okay, this one, I tell him all the time, I tell him all this shit, cuz it's be like, like, cuz you know, when you young, cuz you don't really know so much. Like my mom, but until, but until I was like, until I was like eleven, I don't think I knew what she did.

• 32:23Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, that's so, your parents have like the two top like TV show jobs.

• 32:28Speaker 03

  The truth.

• 32:28Stavros Halkias?

  Like film jobs, every guy's an architect and like every woman's like a fucking, that's so fucking awesome.

• 32:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:34Stavros Halkias?

  Those are fun, and I bet you got to fly, cuz.

• 32:36Speaker 03

  Well, I ain't start flying for comedy for real.

• 32:38Stavros Halkias?

  You, you were going on the buddy pass?

• 32:40Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, when I first started, well, I was telling them, I would go places and I'd just be like, hey, bro, like, you ain't gotta pay me nothing, go pay my, I'll get there.

• 32:47Stavros Halkias?

  That's, dude, as a broke comic trying to work the road, the, cuz I had very briefly.

• 32:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:53Stavros Halkias?

  A girlfriend in college who I basically broke up with because I was doing too much stand up, and look, she was completely right.

• 32:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:59Stavros Halkias?

  I completely, she was a nice person, I was, I was like blowing her off to do open mics.

• 33:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, but yeah, I mean.

• 33:05Stavros Halkias?

  I'm a piece of shit.

• 33:06Speaker 03

  Look what happened.

• 33:07Stavros Halkias?

  It, it, we both, exactly, we both are doing good, whatever, but she, I was dating someone who's like, family member had a buddy pass and I really, the guy was, her cousin was cool.

• 33:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:17Stavros Halkias?

  And I was kinda trying to maneuver and we traveled on a couple, I was broke as fuck, obviously.

• 33:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:21Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, when I'm twenty or whatever, we travel on a couple buddy passes and I was like, fuck dude. I, I liked comedy so much, even though I wasn't sure about the relationship, I was like, if I, this gets like serious, maybe I could use the buddy pass this more, you know what I mean? But it's awesome, so that, so, so you had no idea as a kid, you're like, yeah, you don't really know, I guess maybe your mom is getting dressed and leaving.

• 33:42Speaker 03

  My brother is older than me and he would always tell me, he'd just be like, hey, when you get older, dog, you gonna be able to do so much cruel ass shit, you don't have to stand.

• 33:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's so, and, and you're your mom's only kid too, so you, you really got the fucking.

• 33:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was like.

• 33:54Stavros Halkias?

  The flight attendant hookup. So you're saying, but you were saying you were like, uh, you don't really know what you're fucking.

• 33:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, I didn't know what they did, and my dad, I never asked him, I was just like, the nigga just was always on the phone, but I was like, and one time he was on the phone and he got a phone call and he, this nigga was like, I remember like, I remember being like fifteen or something, old enough to realize and to know like, this is not, this ain't a hundred percent correct.

• 34:15Stavros Halkias?

  Weird, yeah.

• 34:15Speaker 03

  He just went, listen, understand, man, now, if you wanna put a Porsche there, we can do it. The shit ain't not gonna, but I, trust me.

• 34:25Speaker 03

  I can get it done.

• 34:27Stavros Halkias?

  Selling fucked up blueprints. That's really funny, dude, cuz you never think about a shitty architect. Every architect you think of is like a guy in a pristine suit at his drafting table, rolling up his sleeves, but it's like, it could be a guy in his fucking dining room.

• 34:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:43Stavros Halkias?

  Like eating fucking Chinese.

• 34:44Speaker 03

  Nah, listen, I'll, I'll make it happen. Try, best believe I can, I can get it done.

• 34:48Stavros Halkias?

  So you need a door that locks only from the inside?

• 34:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, in the basement. Yeah, I could probably design something like that.

• 34:57Speaker 03

  Simple, easy shit, bro. Send me fifteen hundred niggas done tomorrow.

• 35:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fucking awesome, dude, that's fucking, I guess I knew what my dad did cuz he was a carpenter.

• 35:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:07Stavros Halkias?

  And he just came home covered in sawdust and smelling like shit, so you put that, and I would go, hey, I mean, he would like baby, babysit us and my mom would drop us off there. And he did have a sick, awesome, he had a huge where, like workspace because we were friends with like, you know, uh, the guy who had like a body shop in the same spot. And so it's like, it was big enough for you to like play soccer and shit as a little kid. It was fun, and you know, you'd watch fucking TV on the, on the little shitty, his little shitty break room, drink a nice brisk iced tea.

• 35:36Speaker 03

  That was a big thing.

• 35:37Stavros Halkias?

  Those were nice, those were nice. Those were nice, I mean, those were some of the, I'm trying to, I'm trying to be positive about like me and my dad and it was like, those were some awesome memories. Summertime, drinking a fucking brisk, going to see Greek soccer at the coffee shop.

• 35:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:50Stavros Halkias?

  Great, good shit, but that's why I knew, I would just go to his, uh, I went to his fucking workshop all the time, my mom was a waitress and she brought home food, so I knew she.

• 35:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:58Stavros Halkias?

  I was very locked in on her job.

• 36:00Speaker 03

  I know exactly what you do.

• 36:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know you do a hundred percent. My mom's been mad at me cuz every fucking interview I do where they ask, I say she brought home leftovers.

• 36:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:09Stavros Halkias?

  She was like, no, no, no, I made sure they made you fresh calamari. She was like, that was coming out of my end, that was, they wouldn't, and her boss was kinda cheap and he wouldn't give her a full meal.

• 36:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:20Stavros Halkias?

  She was paying like half off, but still, that was coming out of her tips, so shout out to mom, I'm sorry for accusing you of giving me the leftovers in the, in the fucking fry basket.

• 36:28Speaker 03

  So mom do that, my mom do the same thing.

• 36:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, hell yeah, dude.

• 36:31Speaker 03

  She do the exact, I do podcasts and I'll come, and when it come to comedy, my dad was like the first one to like be on war with it.

• 36:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:36Speaker 03

  And so I say that and my mom be like, hey, I, you don't even, I gave you a car when you got out of high school. But that's like, that's a different part of the dream, like I wasn't even doing standing, I would take your car, I was selling weed, like I wasn't like, you know what I'm saying, I wasn't making goodness.

• 36:50Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 36:50Speaker 03

  In that, in that car, I got your car and then you totaled it. See how I'm at, tell them you fucking crashed the car I gave you, I'm like, oh, yeah, you did, my mom was like.

• 36:59Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I'm sorry I had you in the suburbs in a nice house alone. Yeah, yo, the guy who had you fucking eating hot Cheetos for dinner, un, completely un, uh, un, unattended, he was your fucking hero.

• 37:11Speaker 03

  He the guy, okay, yeah, for, yeah, for sure.

• 37:13Stavros Halkias?

  I, I guess that's also a divorced kid thing, there's gotta be a lot of like, oh, really? Oh, you like him more than me?

• 37:18Speaker 03

  Oh, my god, but one time my, my, cuz I did, I did a show, I did my first like sold out show back in Orlando.

• 37:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 37:24Speaker 03

  And my mom.

• 37:25Stavros Halkias?

  Great feeling, when you do the, when you do the sold out show at home, it's the best.

• 37:27Speaker 03

  Oh, man, it's the best shit ever. I walk through, I, I, we go through the show, my mom's agreeing, my dad's there and stuff, and then my, my dad just look at my mom, she walked by and she don't say nothing, she'd go, maybe she more like, hi Kenny, but that was it.

• 37:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:38Speaker 03

  And she walks back to the green room and they go, you see this shit? I only get a fucking thank you or nothing.

• 37:45Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you is hilarious.

• 37:46Speaker 03

  I believed in this shit.

• 37:49Speaker 03

  You don't say, oh, thank you for believing in our son, kid, none of that shit, that's bullshit, man. Fucked up.

• 37:56Stavros Halkias?

  He wanted credit for believing in his son from his ex-wife.

• 38:01Stavros Halkias?

  I could have been a real scumbag to him.

• 38:03Speaker 03

  I could have said no and all that shit.

• 38:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:05Speaker 03

  None of this happens.

• 38:06Stavros Halkias?

  Well, you know what is true though, like, a parent should tell you no. This is a bad idea.

• 38:13Speaker 03

  Bro, work out.

• 38:14Stavros Halkias?

  And both of us got insanely lucky. We both should have gotten degrees and had real jobs.

• 38:19Speaker 03

  Went to school.

• 38:20Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean?

• 38:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:21Stavros Halkias?

  But we hit a lottery and the sensible parent is the right one to not believe in this.

• 38:27Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 38:27Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, there's so, it's like, yeah, absolutely, we shouldn't do this, right?

• 38:31Speaker 03

  A hundred percent.

• 38:32Stavros Halkias?

  And, and maybe the good way to, like, the dreamer, like when your dad's like, awesome, dude, that's a fucking great idea.

• 38:39Speaker 03

  Hey.

• 38:39Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome, he's like, yeah, you want eight windows in one side? Yeah, we could do a fucking wall of windows, yeah, no problem. Oh, but you don't want people to know you're looking at them. Yeah, it could, it could be one way glass, don't worry about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:51Speaker 03

  You get that shit done fast, huh?

• 38:52Stavros Halkias?

  That, cuz yeah, that's actually a good point, the parent who believes in a stupid dream is actually a bad parent. If a fuck, if your eighteen year old weed selling son is telling you, I'm gonna be on TV, pop.

• 39:05Speaker 03

  I'm telling you.

• 39:05Stavros Halkias?

  Be like, shut, go, go to fucking, go get vocational school.

• 39:08Speaker 03

  It's like, hey.

• 39:09Stavros Halkias?

  Be, be an HVAC guy.

• 39:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you should do air conditioning.

• 39:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, in Florida, that's big business.

• 39:14Speaker 03

  Big money, my mom always tell me, my mom like, people ask her all the time, they be like, did you ever see this film, son? And she always be like, well, I knew he couldn't work a regular day.

• 39:25Stavros Halkias?

  What an incredible politician answer. That's, that's a no, that, yeah, well, my son was a fucking idiot, if that's what you're asking me.

• 39:33Speaker 03

  He couldn't, I mean, he really couldn't do most of the things he need to do to have a regular job. So absolutely not.

• 39:41Speaker 03

  But, I mean, you know, God is good.

• 39:44Stavros Halkias?

  That's perfect. That's the perfect way to look at it. So were you like real mis, like you had, you probably had some ADD shit? You had some like, like learning, cause like, like what was, were you acting up in school?

• 39:54Speaker 03

  I was never bad. I just wasn't like bad at school, no sense. That shit, some of that shit did not, that's not how you learn.

• 39:59Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, of course.

• 40:00Speaker 03

  It just wasn't, that shit was never wasn't for me for real.

• 40:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:03Speaker 03

  Like never, like I could, I could kinda focus, like when it came to basketball season.

• 40:08Stavros Halkias?

  Cause you can't play if your grades are bad.

• 40:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, nah, but, but I had, nigga, I had the most ups and downs as a basketball player. I had the most ups and downs of best warmers ever had.

• 40:17Stavros Halkias?

  Five eight and skinny as fuck.

• 40:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:19Speaker 03

  But I made it to you, never played.

• 40:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 40:21Speaker 03

  Ooh, never played.

• 40:23Stavros Halkias?

  But on practice, you were, you were probably full court pressing the starters.

• 40:26Speaker 03

  Oh, come on, man.

• 40:27Stavros Halkias?

  You were like, I'm gonna show you, coach. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:30Speaker 03

  But one time, it was, it was a dude on my team, um, he, he was cold, bruh. I'm trying to remember his nigga name. He was cold, bruh. But he was like, he was like two years, he was like a sophomore. Like, I mean, like he was fire, like pray.

• 40:41Stavros Halkias?

  So as a sophomore, he's playing varsity.

• 40:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, but way, way better than me, like by a thousand.

• 40:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:46Speaker 03

  By like a thousand percent. He's taking like practice like light, cause he's the fucking star.

• 40:49Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 40:50Speaker 03

  And so I'm mad, I'm like, you're not even trying hard.

• 40:54Speaker 03

  I'm pissed, like I'm like, man, you're not even fucking, you got all this fucking talent, you're not even trying, nigga. And so we, we going at it and shit.

• 41:01Stavros Halkias?

  Like the first act of a body swap comedy? Where it's like, if I had your abilities, it would be so different.

• 41:07Speaker 03

  I swap for cheese, bro.

• 41:08Stavros Halkias?

  And then you both, you both piss into an enchanted urinal at the same time and you switch bodies or whatever the fuck?

• 41:14Speaker 03

  Like, oh, this is tough.

• 41:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 41:16Speaker 03

  Oh, this life sucks, man.

• 41:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:19Speaker 03

  This life is terrible.

• 41:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that guy just kills himself and you're stuck in his body, you're like, nice. Now I just get to be fucking good at basketball.

• 41:24Speaker 03

  I'm the best.

• 41:27Stavros Halkias?

  That would be, let's fucking do that movie. I like that movie, dude. It's actually a sketch, dude, go ahead, fucking write that, dude.

• 41:35Speaker 03

  So I'm, I'm gonna kill myself. What, oh, wait, we're actually, yeah. But wait a minute.

• 41:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, fuck yeah, that's so funny. So yeah, so you're mad at the star.

• 41:43Speaker 03

  I was pissed off.

• 41:44Stavros Halkias?

  Which by the way, what a fucking door, what a loser.

• 41:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:47Stavros Halkias?

  To be like, you need to try hard.

• 41:49Speaker 03

  I was a real bitch.

• 41:49Stavros Halkias?

  You're not even eating your vegetables and doing your homework.

• 41:51Speaker 03

  Come on, man.

• 41:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:53Speaker 03

  You could be great.

• 41:56Speaker 03

  Bruh, you got it all, man. You could fucking be somebody, man. What you wasting all this talent on, what? And I'm, I'm like, I'm going off and then we do something and then like, we go at it and I push him. And like.

• 42:10Stavros Halkias?

  Big mistake.

• 42:10Speaker 03

  Bruh, first of all.

• 42:11Stavros Halkias?

  The coaches, when you push a star player.

• 42:14Speaker 03

  Bro, my, first of all.

• 42:15Stavros Halkias?

  The coaches fucking.

• 42:15Speaker 03

  My coach wasn't there. My head coach wasn't even there, like it was like, it was like an assistant coach.

• 42:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 42:20Speaker 03

  And so I push him, this is how I knew I didn't wanna fight him. I'm gonna tell you exactly the moment I realized, so he had like on a compression shirt.

• 42:27Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 42:27Speaker 03

  And we've been practicing, so he get sweat, like you know, you know how hard it is to take those off.

• 42:31Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 42:31Speaker 03

  I blink, compression shirt gone. Like.

• 42:36Stavros Halkias?

  He doesn't wanna get his, his fit tech fucking.

• 42:38Speaker 03

  But he took it off.

• 42:39Stavros Halkias?

  Dry tech fucking bloody.

• 42:41Speaker 03

  He took it off so fast, bruh, and I was like, hey, bruh, you know what?

• 42:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I'm fucking around.

• 42:45Speaker 03

  Hey, look, man, you do whatever you wanna do.

• 42:49Speaker 03

  It's your team, dawg, like, it's, it's your world, man.

• 42:53Stavros Halkias?

  That's so funny.

• 42:54Speaker 03

  They gonna put your name in the gym, fuck who, I don't, I don't know why, I don't give a fuck, I don't, I don't, I don't play.

• 42:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:00Speaker 03

  But the next day my coach gets back, he goes, heard you, his name Blake, shout out Blake, he's five, great basketball player. He goes, I heard you were gonna, I heard you finna try to fight Blake? And I was like, yeah, he was, I just got temper flare, he was like, man, I'm glad you didn't do that, man. You know, the fucked up part is like, what if he would've broke his hand on your face? And he said it so sincere, like he cared about me.

• 43:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think you could've lived with that, can you?

• 43:26Speaker 03

  Bro, you'd have fucked our whole team up.

• 43:27Stavros Halkias?

  We would've sucked dick, cause you're a fucking piece of shit.

• 43:30Speaker 03

  Cause you wanna get mad at our star player.

• 43:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, cause you wanted our star player to run suicides when the coach wasn't even there?

• 43:35Speaker 03

  Come on, man.

• 43:36Stavros Halkias?

  You're talking about also when the coach isn't there, that's supposed to be the funnest day of practice.

• 43:39Speaker 03

  I'm like, I was on.

• 43:40Stavros Halkias?

  You're just playing, you're just playing fucking pickup and you're like, guys, can we do a little structure?

• 43:44Speaker 03

  It's like, come on.

• 43:44Stavros Halkias?

  Can we run the weave?

• 43:49Speaker 03

  We need to run more suicides. We're not trying as a.

• 43:52Stavros Halkias?

  You bring your own whistle?

• 43:55Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking hilarious, dude. Yeah, that's fucking, did you ever, what was your greatest moment? Did they ever, was it a blowout? Did they sub you in? Did you get any, did you score? Did you have like one game that you're like, alright?

• 44:05Speaker 03

  Nah, I had, I had 22 on JV once.

• 44:07Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, there you go. That's big.

• 44:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I also.

• 44:10Stavros Halkias?

  By the way, can I just, before we finish the story? How hilarious the psychology of men is that like, you're, you're in move, you were just in a movie with Kevin Hart, you're on SNL? And you're like, man, I had 22 on JV once? And I'm, dude, I think about, I had one game in middle school basketball, where they subbed me into, they subbed me in as like, you know when they like, as a wake up call to the starters, they're like, we're gonna get the little fat white guy. He's gonna, he's playing center now and I just went off. I just got so lucky, I scored like fucking, you know, 12, 12 points in a middle school game?

• 44:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:42Stavros Halkias?

  And like, you know, everyone's like, and like, it was the best, cause it was like a home game, I never played again.

• 44:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:48Stavros Halkias?

  But everyone, all the away games, I don't even touch the.

• 44:51Speaker 03

  I know, your mind is also like, this is, this is how it changes.

• 44:54Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, dude, I'm like, well, this, step one to the NBA.

• 44:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, you're home that night like this, bruh, I, I can't wait to get to the Bron.

• 45:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 45:04Speaker 03

  We probably be three days.

• 45:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly. I've heard a lot of stuff about this kid in Akron. Yeah, he's a little older than me, just wait till I tangle with him.

• 45:13Speaker 03

  Real shit.

• 45:13Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking funny. So 22 on JV, that must've felt incredible.

• 45:17Speaker 03

  But also like, I was, I was, uh, so I was, this is the thing, I had two coaches that were two insane people.

• 45:23Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 45:23Speaker 03

  So I was, I was a junior on JV.

• 45:26Stavros Halkias?

  Hilarious.

• 45:29Speaker 03

  And, here, here this, give me, give me good on this one.

• 45:31Stavros Halkias?

  Junior, upperclassman?

• 45:33Speaker 03

  Bro, I'm 18. I had just turned 18, cause I failed the second grade, I'm, I'm old as shit.

• 45:44Speaker 03

  I'm giving 14 year olds real work.

• 45:46Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking funny, dude.

• 45:48Speaker 03

  This is how I know I wasn't gonna be good, bruh.

• 45:50Stavros Halkias?

  Kids just haven't even gone through puberty yet?

• 45:52Speaker 03

  Nah, not even, I'm, I'm, I'm cooking these niggas, like I'm, I'm going, oh. That gets crazy, like, I, I get so old dude, he had no idea, I still look young, so.

• 46:02Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 46:03Speaker 03

  He's like, oh, this freshman is gonna be somebody, I'm eight, I'm a grown man.

• 46:08Stavros Halkias?

  You voted?

• 46:11Speaker 03

  I drove to the game, nigga.

• 46:14Speaker 03

  I drove there.

• 46:15Stavros Halkias?

  You're cooking kids that just got out of middle school.

• 46:17Speaker 03

  Bruh, I'm on they, I'm on they head.

• 46:19Stavros Halkias?

  God, that's so fucking funny.

• 46:21Speaker 03

  That, and that's how I knew I wasn't gonna be great back, cause like, but I remember, I, we had, I was a senior. Uh, uh, the new freshman coach seeing me, he was like, boy, you gonna be my star, I'm like, bruh, I'm.

• 46:30Stavros Halkias?

  I'm actually, uh.

• 46:32Speaker 03

  I'm a grown man.

• 46:32Stavros Halkias?

  I'm a grown man. If I hadn't failed, uh, second grade, I would be in community.

• 46:37Speaker 03

  Be out of here by now.

• 46:38Stavros Halkias?

  I would be in my mother's garage, bagging up fucking nickel bags right now.

• 46:42Speaker 03

  Oh, really?

• 46:42Stavros Halkias?

  Selling them of, of the Corolla she gave me used.

• 46:46Speaker 03

  Hey, speaking of nickel bag, I told my dog gonna tell this story.

• 46:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, please.

• 46:49Speaker 03

  Dog, I was on, I was on, uh, I wear the Foot Locker. I sold, uh, I sold a nickel bag to a dude and he gave it to me in all quarters. And I spent all the money on bubble gum.

• 47:01Speaker 03

  I spent, oh, I told my dog, man, I said that, I spent, I, I spent all the money on bubble gum.

• 47:05Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, that shows you, you were too young to sell drugs.

• 47:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, that, and I was never gonna make.

• 47:10Stavros Halkias?

  You're like, yay, bubble gum.

• 47:12Speaker 03

  Hell, yeah.

• 47:13Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 47:15Speaker 03

  But every quarter, every last quarter, not like, I had, I had like a dollar, two dollars left. No, every quarter was, was bubble gum.

• 47:22Stavros Halkias?

  Did you get any of those little toys in the plastic, in the plastic, uh, cylinders, you know what I mean?

• 47:27Speaker 03

  I never liked it that, I never liked, hell nah, that shit was like.

• 47:29Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe some Runts?

• 47:30Speaker 03

  Runts was five.

• 47:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, maybe some Runts.

• 47:32Speaker 03

  Runts, that shit, Runts, what else, what else came in the little, in the little, uh?

• 47:36Stavros Halkias?

  These kids today, man, this, this is some other old, this is the, I'm so happy to be washed, bro. Cause I get to say all the stuff I'm mad the kids don't get anymore.

• 47:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:45Stavros Halkias?

  And no baby is excited to see one of those little.

• 47:50Speaker 03

  You got a quarter? To them, it's like disgusting, huh, huh.

• 47:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 47:53Speaker 03

  Why would it be in that thing?

• 47:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, a quarter's disgusting, like, what do you mean? I just order anything I want off my mom's phone.

• 47:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, stupid.

• 47:59Stavros Halkias?

  Like babies know, like a baby could order 400 Twizzlers.

• 48:03Speaker 03

  My little cousin was trying to do like, she was like, when she was like three, she was like to the Google system, like, Google, baby shark.

• 48:12Speaker 03

  Google.

• 48:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 48:13Speaker 03

  Baby shark.

• 48:17Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, I can't, that's the thing, Eldis, you can, you gotta take the Alexas out of your home. You can't have your fucking kid being like, Alexa?

• 48:26Speaker 04

  I'm worried about it, but I don't know.

• 48:27Stavros Halkias?

  Your brain, you're already so fucking dumb and love AI that your kid is gonna be even stupider.

• 48:31Speaker 04

  I know, I'm on the screen all day, I'm like, it's gonna be hard to set a good example for my kid and take the-

• 48:36Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's, that's why you literally have to just come into the, the office might save your child-

• 48:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:41Stavros Halkias?

  From being, I mean, look, it's fighting Albanian genes, so that's tough.

• 48:45Speaker 03

  Uphill battle.

• 48:49Stavros Halkias?

  But you know, your wife's side of the family, you know, they got some, there's some, they got some stuff there, that's, that might be the saving grace. But yeah, dude, when you see a baby like, like somebody, it was like a meme or whatever, um, somebody posted that like, this woman couldn't, this, this mom was like trying to figure out, their baby was saying like a word she couldn't figure out, and it turned out, she was calling her own mom Alexa? Or maybe she was calling her teacher Alexa, and it was like, and it, cause they were, the baby was just used to like asking Alexa for shit, dude. That shit fucking scares the fuck out of me.

• 49:21Speaker 03

  That's terrifying. Imagine like, imagine you at like, 12, but now?

• 49:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 49:26Speaker 03

  Alexa, titties.

• 49:28Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 49:28Speaker 03

  Alexa, Siri.

• 49:30Stavros Halkias?

  Siri, show me tits. Siri boobs, Siri girls boobs, boobs bouncing up and down. Siri, girl that looks like the girls that I go to high school with?

• 49:44Stavros Halkias?

  The girl that looks like Sarah from Algebra?

• 49:47Speaker 03

  You sending a picture?

• 49:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh no! These kids are gonna be able to do face match, they're gonna be able to face match-

• 49:54Speaker 03

  Oh, this is not good.

• 49:55Stavros Halkias?

  That's bad.

• 49:56Speaker 03

  Oh, this is not good, oh, this is bad.

• 49:57Stavros Halkias?

  That's really bad.

• 49:58Speaker 03

  This is sad, it's awful.

• 49:59Stavros Halkias?

  And the thing is, if I, if I grew up in a world where I was 11-

• 50:03Speaker 03

  Hey.

• 50:03Stavros Halkias?

  And I could get the exact, the porn star was the closest match to the girl I wanted to fuck, of course I would do it. You're an animal, you're a horny little animal.

• 50:13Speaker 03

  I don't even know, I just, I just, I just have, I'm 11, I got a nut, dawg.

• 50:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I might need to, you know what, you might need to make a pornography library in your home, Eldis, for your child to use to ju, to pleasure themselves, cause they need, we need to go, we need to go back to, uh-

• 50:27Speaker 03

  Playboy?

• 50:28Stavros Halkias?

  We got some Playboys out there, but we need to go back to, we need to go back to, yes, image pornography. I think the videos have even cooked my brain.

• 50:37Speaker 03

  Nah, that's a lot.

• 50:38Stavros Halkias?

  You know, let alone these children that have-

• 50:40Speaker 03

  Twitter is tough.

• 50:41Stavros Halkias?

  Is. I took it off my phone, and it's been excellent for me, because I would just be looking at like, oh, let me just scroll Twitter real fast. I would probably jack off, I would say, 60% of the time I just got on Twitter.

• 50:54Speaker 03

  Bro, it's-

• 50:54Stavros Halkias?

  Just cause it's like, oh, nice tits, wait.

• 50:57Speaker 03

  It's right here.

• 50:57Stavros Halkias?

  What if that girl was sucking dick, too?

• 50:59Speaker 03

  And then-

• 51:00Stavros Halkias?

  And then you just find it.

• 51:02Speaker 03

  It's not even like, it's not like, what if it's like, oh, I know it's here.

• 51:05Stavros Halkias?

  The next cut, it's something, yeah, yeah.

• 51:06Speaker 03

  Don't even worry about it, I'm like, the whole thing is right here, don't even worry about it.

• 51:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 51:10Speaker 03

  It's like, yo, what the fuck?

• 51:11Stavros Halkias?

  That is, yeah, I mean, Twitter is, it's so funny how much they fucked that website up.

• 51:15Speaker 03

  There they were.

• 51:15Stavros Halkias?

  Where it's like, it's all Nazis and fucking girls getting their asses fucked, and it's like, what? It wasn't good before, but at least, at least you could find out who got traded.

• 51:25Speaker 03

  Hey, what is this?

• 51:26Stavros Halkias?

  Like, I used to be able to, every time, Twitter was the funnest when like, like the Luca trade.

• 51:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:31Stavros Halkias?

  The Luca trade, old Twitter, it would have been so fun, cause I remember you get that, you get that notification, you're like, what the? I mean, the, the Sixers trade, the Celtics-

• 51:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:40Stavros Halkias?

  That Twitter's completely washed, cause back in the day, that would just be, you would get on there, and all of Twitter would be talking about that, and now it's like, you're fucking like, you're like, Jews will not replace us, and then it's like, fucking, somebody, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and you're like, huh?

• 51:53Speaker 03

  It's a bitch in LeBron jersey getting in, it's like, yo, this is not, it's not what I asked for.

• 51:56Stavros Halkias?

  Someone's made AI porn of like, LeBron getting his dick sucked by Thomas Jefferson, welcome to Philadelphia, goat.

• 52:06Stavros Halkias?

  That actually is good, that is-

• 52:07Speaker 03

  We need it.

• 52:08Stavros Halkias?

  That's the only good application of AI.

• 52:10Speaker 03

  You been seeing the Jim Carrey in like, all hood movies?

• 52:12Stavros Halkias?

  No, that's off.

• 52:13Speaker 03

  You haven't seen that?

• 52:14Stavros Halkias?

  People like, putting it into hood movies.

• 52:15Speaker 03

  They put Jim Carrey like, paid in full, and like, poetic justice and shit. Dawg, it's my favorite shit I've ever seen, it's Jim Carrey on a block with a, with a Draco-

• 52:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 52:25Speaker 03

  And Ben Diamond TV, I'm like, yeah, this is, we keep, this is good.

• 52:29Stavros Halkias?

  It's tough because like, it's tough because you do see if, I feel bad for people that do use AI. I had a friend actually who was like, really early on AI, before any of this shit, and he just thought it was really interesting to generate like, thousands of images, pick the best one, then generate another thousand off those, pick the best one of the, and he would really painstakingly, and it was before anybody knew anything about the water, whatever, and it was interesting, and there are interesting applications for it, but it's so cooked.

• 52:57Speaker 03

  It's fucked.

• 52:57Stavros Halkias?

  You just can't, I can't eat, cause that would make me laugh, and I will say the one thing that always works for me is when they take a video of a clearly homophobic man, and they edit the, with AI and make it look like he's kissing someone. That to me, like, if you show an old, I mean, an old black guy, that's the funniest thing you could do to that. Like, show them a video of them kissing a guy, they'll be like, and they'll get, they'll like, try and fight you, or like, you know, an old fucking, you know, Greek guy, any old fucking like, homophobic set in his ways immigrant, or fu, or like, black person, like, any community that is still very homophobic-

• 53:33Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 53:33Stavros Halkias?

  Especially the older guys, you show them, like, a video of them hanging out with their boy and then edit it for them to kiss each other? The best content there is. That, that, I'm willing to maybe, if we get a, a low water usage data center, if we put it somewhere, if we don't put it in a, you know, if we don't put it with a community that's already struggling, I'm willing to maybe do an exception for making old homophobic guys watch videos of them kissing another guy.

• 54:00Speaker 03

  I did, um, Lucas and McCray and, uh, Liz Black, they do a show in Austin, and me and, me and my OG, uh, Jolly did it, David Jolly, and they did that, they did that to us, we had like an old, we had like an old skit.

• 54:11Stavros Halkias?

  That's so-

• 54:12Speaker 03

  We had like an old skit for like, fucking, like, 2021 or some shit.

• 54:15Stavros Halkias?

  That's, oh, really?

• 54:16Speaker 03

  And so, we're talking, like, we're, we're doing an interview, we're talking and shit, and they, they start playing in the background, we don't know. And Jolly is like-

• 54:24Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta find this video, and put this into the, put this into the episode, Eldis.

• 54:28Speaker 03

  No, we don't, no, no.

• 54:31Speaker 03

  Jolly, he's like, we turn around, he's like, hey, come on, what the fuck going on?

• 54:36Speaker 03

  Leaves, he walks out, there's no more questions.

• 54:38Stavros Halkias?

  He just leaves?

• 54:39Speaker 03

  He just leaves. I start, they do like, there was like a thing, I think they would do at that time, like, people like had, they like died in front of us before, and so I just started robbing the, the dead bodies, and I left, it was, it was-

• 54:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fucking hilarious. That's beautiful, and again, we're looking at it right now, and everybody's having a good laugh.

• 54:56Speaker 03

  But it is, it is fucked up.

• 54:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, totally, it's cra, I mean-

• 54:59Speaker 03

  AI is like-

• 55:00Stavros Halkias?

  Also, I mean, let's be honest, they're just trying to get people to not, they're just, they're truly trying to stop us from having objective reality, cause now they can be like, well, that's didn't hap, like, dude, if, for example, if Epstein's Island, if the Epstein shit was like, now, or like, even in 10 years, they're just gonna start, they would have made AI videos of every celebrity hang out on Epstein's Island, and they'd be like, see, these are clearly fake, to like, they're gonna use that, dude, cause like, they've completely destroyed journalism, and now they're like, even the stuff you see with your own eyes could be fake.

• 55:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:31Stavros Halkias?

  And so now they're just gonna make it to the point, and they're gonna scan every fuck it, they're gonna try and scan every book, learn shit from it, and then just burn the physical copies, I promise you, they're gonna try and do that shit.

• 55:40Speaker 03

  Ooh.

• 55:41Stavros Halkias?

  We're fucked, bro, in a, in a hilarious way, but maybe we'll be okay. We, again, won a lottery ticket, we got, we get to fucking make money doing the dumbest shit of all time, including giving advice that we're not really, uh, experts on, so, why don't we hit that motherfucking visible hotline, Eldis? Let's hit that visible hotline, and let's, let's take some calls. I guess the Stavi hotline is sponsored by Visible. Visible, you know, you know who you're doing business with, alright? We're not gonna get it right every time, that's part of the charm.

• 56:13Speaker 05

  What up, Stav? Eldis, esteemed guest. I'm calling because it's, it's getting a little serious with this girl I'm talking to, and I got some skeletons in the closet that I'm, I'm nervous about them coming out. So, in short, couple of weeks ago, she found out that I was fucking her ex-best friend. Not at the, not during the current time, but I worked with them two years ago at the same restaurant.

• 56:43Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 56:44Speaker 05

  So, when I left that restaurant, I was like, okay, I see you both are fucking with me. I hopped on one, then I hopped to the next.

• 56:51Stavros Halkias?

  You cannot, I mean, this is a, you built a home on a swamp. Like, like you were fucked from the jump, it's never gonna be serious, you hid that you fucked her enemy, I mean, ex-best friends means enemy.

• 57:05Speaker 03

  They, they, they really-

• 57:06Stavros Halkias?

  There's no, there's nothing good, so, unless something changes, you're fucked, but go ahead.

• 57:10Speaker 04

  Let's let him go.

• 57:11Speaker 05

  Now, that happened two years ago, I only fucked homegirl once, so the girl I'm getting serious with, you know, where else, she asked some questions like, hey, did you end up fucking homegirl?

• 57:24Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, alright.

• 57:25Speaker 03

  Wait, pause, pause, okay, pause.

• 57:28Speaker 03

  Next thing he says is very crucial.

• 57:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, what he says is crucial.

• 57:31Speaker 03

  If he say he lied, he's fucked forever.

• 57:35Stavros Halkias?

  But here's the thing, why lie if you only fucked her once?

• 57:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, but also-

• 57:38Stavros Halkias?

  Once is kind of the perfect amount.

• 57:39Speaker 03

  As a man, it was like, what, what if I, oh shit.

• 57:42Stavros Halkias?

  No, I know what you mean.

• 57:43Speaker 03

  If I tell, if I tell the truth, though, I could also be fucked forever.

• 57:46Stavros Halkias?

  I know what you mean, there's, there's, there is a impulse to be like, let me just completely lie. Instead of, instead of taking my medicine, instead of being a, a courageous man, let me be a coward who could avoid all, uh, all, uh, you know, accountability for my actions.

• 58:03Speaker 03

  Risky.

• 58:04Stavros Halkias?

  You know, and I, I get that, you're right, cause I've done, in the past, the urge to just lie, when there's no reason to-

• 58:10Speaker 03

  Not at all.

• 58:11Stavros Halkias?

  When a woman is pressing you on something, is very, very strong.

• 58:14Speaker 03

  My stepmom, when I was younger, I was in high school, she goes camp. If you just tell women the truth, I promise you it's better than a lie. I remember, I remember being like 16, be like, bitch, what you know about hoes?

• 58:25Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, is that true? How many, are you sure it's only five from my dad?

• 58:29Speaker 03

  Yes, be quiet.

• 58:34Stavros Halkias?

  All right, keep going.

• 58:35Speaker 05

  And when she initially asked a year ago, I said no.

• 58:47Stavros Halkias?

  You're fucked, dog.

• 58:49Speaker 03

  You're fucked.

• 58:50Stavros Halkias?

  And you had it, you motherfucker.

• 58:51Speaker 03

  It was right here.

• 58:52Stavros Halkias?

  It was in your fingers, because one time, it was perfect. Because if you say no, you seem like you're lying.

• 58:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:57Stavros Halkias?

  And if you fucked her a bunch, and you lie, oh, I only fucked her a couple of times. Once was the per- because you guys weren't together, and you could even be like,

• 59:06Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 59:07Stavros Halkias?

  she was bad, she sucked.

• 59:10Speaker 03

  Bruh.

• 59:10Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know what I was thinking, it was a huge mistake. You actually had the most perfect answer. Because she knew it, right? Because they worked together, clearly he was flirting with them. Like, you can, when you're in a restaurant environment, they all suck and fuck each other anyway. You had a beautiful out. I really don't see the escape route here.

• 59:28Speaker 03

  You're fucked, brother.

• 59:28Stavros Halkias?

  But let's, you know, let's see.

• 59:30Speaker 05

  More recently, because I'm taking it a little more serious, I was honest with her.

• 59:36Stavros Halkias?

  Did you bring it up, or did she bring it up?

• 59:38Speaker 03

  Too late.

• 59:39Speaker 05

  A little more serious, I was honest with her. Now, the real caveat that's got me a little nervous is...

• 59:47Speaker 03

  Another caveat.

• 59:49Speaker 05

  I had sat down with her, talked to her about the whole situation, because she was pretty upset, because they had a big falling out, like, I didn't realize the levels of, like, friendship that was there. Because I had just started working.

• 1:00:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you were fucking high, making fucking jalapeno poppers, trying to fuck everyone you worked with. You didn't give a fuck what their inner, inner lives were like. You just knew they had big tits or a fat ass.

• 1:00:13Speaker 03

  Ooh, wee.

• 1:00:14Speaker 05

  In our conversation, did you, like, how many of my other friends have you fucked? And I immediately followed that up with, well, who would you consider a friend?

• 1:00:22Speaker 03

  Ooh!

• 1:00:23Speaker 05

  Because I know for a fact, like, her and this third girl, if you will, aren't friends anymore.

• 1:00:30Stavros Halkias?

  Oh!

• 1:00:30Speaker 05

  And I did fuck her. So do I tell her before it gets more serious?

• 1:00:35Stavros Halkias?

  You already fucked her? What do you mean?

• 1:00:38Speaker 03

  Fuck it, keep lying, keep lying, keep lying, too late.

• 1:00:41Stavros Halkias?

  What do you mean? She asked you a question, did you answer it then, or did you lie again? If you didn't, why didn't you say?

• 1:00:49Speaker 03

  He's like, hold on, I have to go make a call in the other room.

• 1:00:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, let me consult with my lawyer. Dude, this is so fucking funny. What do you mean, dude? She asked you a direct question, and you obfuscated with a follow-up. You're like, well, what is, I mean, you pulled the Bill Clinton, what does i- what is is? Who would you consider a friend? How many times? Is there more?

• 1:01:14Speaker 03

  There's a little more.

• 1:01:15Stavros Halkias?

  There's a little more, all right. This is insane.

• 1:01:17Speaker 05

  Away for about a month, or it gets more serious. I mean, she's going away for about a month to Turkey, so I got a lot of time to think. Do you want to, just wanted to know your thoughts? Thank you, guys.

• 1:01:30Stavros Halkias?

  You think the longer you do another lie? You think you have a month?

• 1:01:38Stavros Halkias?

  You think when she comes back fresh from vacation, feeling good, she's gonna be like, ah, you know what I'd love to hear? Another devastating truth. Another, another lie that could have been completely avoided. You had, dude, how did you not learn your, this is so fucking funny.

• 1:01:55Speaker 03

  Should I lie again, dog?

• 1:01:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:58Speaker 03

  First of all, to be like...

• 1:01:59Stavros Halkias?

  I guess this is the third time. He lied the first time, I guess he told the truth, I guess this is, this was his second lie. And he's saying, should I continue with the third lie, basically? And no. The sooner you tell the truth, the more your chances are. Stop lying.

• 1:02:15Speaker 03

  You have to tell the truth now.

• 1:02:16Stavros Halkias?

  I can't believe you said, who would you consider a friend?

• 1:02:18Speaker 03

  Because I was already like, you telling it, you already kind of like...

• 1:02:20Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I've obviously fucked a bunch of girls you know. But did you guys ever fucking get high and watch SpongeBob together?

• 1:02:26Speaker 03

  I understand, like, is your sister really your friend? That's the question which I had. Because you consider your sister a friend? Aw, man, I'm sorry, dude.

• 1:02:38Stavros Halkias?

  This is so funny. He mu- did he say his age? He must be young as fuck.

• 1:02:41Speaker 03

  He did not.

• 1:02:41Stavros Halkias?

  Because he worked, they met at a restaurant.

• 1:02:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:43Stavros Halkias?

  She's going to Turkey for a month, which means either she's like studying abroad, or she's going on vacation with her family. Because who the fuck who's young can afford, you know, who?

• 1:02:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:02:52Stavros Halkias?

  Like, who, who fucks a guy like this can afford to go on a month-long vacation?

• 1:02:56Speaker 03

  A month is crazy.

• 1:02:56Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe her family's from there, I don't know what the situation is. But, um, or maybe, I guess she could be going for work, who fucking knows? But, yeah, dude, you're, this is a lesson to just heed Cam's stepmother's advice.

• 1:03:08Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:03:09Stavros Halkias?

  And just tell the truth.

• 1:03:10Speaker 03

  Just tell the truth. It's the easiest thing ever, man.

• 1:03:12Stavros Halkias?

  Especially this, it's like, I could maybe see if the lie was, like, cheat on, if you did something really unforgivable, and you're like, even though it's still, obviously, that's more wrong to do.

• 1:03:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:25Stavros Halkias?

  I could understand the human impulse to do it. Now, again, this is the same impulse. This is when a baby doesn't want to get in trouble for, for like, it's like, oh, there's a, there's ha- there's tiny handprints, chocolate handprints on the wall, and I walk in on a baby drinking Hershey's syrup, right? And a toddler is like, hey, do you, did you do that? And he's like, no. It's like, just because he doesn't want to deal with it. So I get it, but this is a time for you to grow up.

• 1:03:51Speaker 03

  Got to grow up, man.

• 1:03:52Stavros Halkias?

  You got to go tell her the truth, you have to apologize, you have to say, this was insanely immature, I'm really sorry for not communicating this earlier. I, because you're saying you're thi- now, for the sake of this girl, I think you should stop seeing her. Because she could do much better, right?

• 1:04:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:09Stavros Halkias?

  But for you, since you're, I'm counseling you, and we're your lawyers, we're not her counsel here. If I were you, and I really wanted to take this seriously, I would say, look, I fucked up, I don't, I'm sorry. I just was so scared you're gonna be mad at me, and I've developed, I've developed these feelings. From now on, I promise you, and you have to abide by it, complete honesty. Because like, you still are young enough, and she might be dumb enough to accept that, right? So that's what I would do if I were in your position. That's what I would tell you to do. Now, to be honest, he's, if he's like twenty-three, twenty-four, whatever, what I would do in your position probably is keep lying until the walls closed in on me. On, that's, that's how I used to behave as a youth, but we want better for you. Don't live like that. And by the way, that's very stressful. You don't, you can't deal with that shit.

• 1:04:54Stavros Halkias?

  So you're saying it's getting a little more serious? Commit, try and have a girlfriend, it's gonna be good for you, that's another thing. I waited a while to have like a serious relationship, because I was always had, you know, commitment issues, family stuff, whatever.

• 1:05:08Stavros Halkias?

  It's the, I mean, it was like, it was very good, it's gonna be very good for you at, for your development as a human being, to be in a committed relationship that you actually try for. But, man, that's so funny. I love how you called that motherfucker. But you, you...

• 1:05:22Speaker 03

  From the, I could hear, I could hear, crack. Now, listen, I was, I was twenty, I was twenty-one, twenty-four. Yeah, same thing, I'm lying to the, and then you, then he, then the, then the walls close in on you, you go, how did I get?

• 1:05:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, totally, totally.

• 1:05:33Speaker 03

  Go what?

• 1:05:33Stavros Halkias?

  And then you still try and like, fuck, maybe I'll just like, move for a month.

• 1:05:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:38Stavros Halkias?

  Until she forgets.

• 1:05:39Speaker 03

  Maybe she'll forget about this.

• 1:05:40Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, I do envy ba- I mean, it is another problem with our digitally connected world. You can't just move two towns over, grow different facial hair, and say your name is Jeffrey now. You know what I mean? Yeah, you can't do that, and that's a shame, that's a real shame. Uh, play us another one, Eld.

• 1:05:56Speaker 00

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• 1:06:25Speaker 01

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• 1:06:56Speaker 06

  Hey, Stav, Eldis, team guests. Uh, I, I have like a bit of a dilemma with, uh, I just got engaged.

• 1:07:03Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm, yes.

• 1:07:04Speaker 06

  Um, and, uh, my partner is, uh...

• 1:07:11Speaker 06

  Puerto Rican and Dominican.

• 1:07:12Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 1:07:13Speaker 06

  And uh, we hate all the tradi- traditional wedding stuff. Uh, my family's Italian for reference. We hate all the traditional wedding stuff and uh, we had this idea that we were gonna elope in Puerto Rico.

• 1:07:24Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 1:07:24Speaker 06

  And throw like kind of a semi informal reception.

• 1:07:27Stavros Halkias?

  A party, that's fun.

• 1:07:28Speaker 06

  Uh, her family loved it. Uh, they're psyched to go to Puerto Rico.

• 1:07:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:32Speaker 06

  We love it, cause you know, it's like beautiful islands, you know, our family's from there. Uh, when I dropped the news on my Italian side of the family. Um, everything fell apart.

• 1:07:43Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, what the fu- what am I eating fucking tacos for your wedding? Hey, I can't even get a B's over there. Well, I'm gonna fly in a Galago. Oh, what, it's gonna be, everybody's gonna be the, how do you know who's the waiter and who's the, at the reception? We do it in fucking Puerto Rico. Keep going.

• 1:08:02Speaker 06

  Fell apart. They were very upset. Uh, they like, don't really seem like they wanna go to Puerto Rico. They're like upset that, you know, my second cousin isn't gonna come. And uh,

• 1:08:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:14Speaker 06

  It's, it's all a mess. It's cause a lot of tension.

• 1:08:17Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 1:08:17Speaker 06

  My girlfriend thinks that my parents are like, kind of like a little racist now.

• 1:08:22Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, yeah.

• 1:08:23Speaker 06

  Because of their, you know, feelings about Puerto Rico. I'm kind of in the middle of it. Uh, we, we are.

• 1:08:30Stavros Halkias?

  You notice he didn't say, and they're not. He just said, the cat's finally out of the bag. I've been trying to,

• 1:08:35Speaker 04

  Found out.

• 1:08:36Stavros Halkias?

  Trying to obscure how racist they really are.

• 1:08:38Speaker 04

  She says that, he's just like, I know.

• 1:08:40Stavros Halkias?

  No, he doesn't even say anything. He's just like, hm, hm.

• 1:08:43Speaker 03

  I mean, well, you know.

• 1:08:45Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right. And so what do you think? Yeah, carnation, what kind of flowers? That's so fucking funny.

• 1:08:52Speaker 06

  We, we are, you know, the whole point of this was to avoid like all the wedding planning bullshit. And now we're kind of getting bogged down with family bullshit and the reception and all that stuff, so. I need your advice. How do I bring peace between my two families?

• 1:09:07Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:09:07Speaker 06

  Between two cultures?

• 1:09:08Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:09:09Speaker 06

  Uh, I know there's only one man for the job and it's you, so.

• 1:09:12Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 1:09:13Speaker 06

  Let me know.

• 1:09:15Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah. This is hilarious. I mean, this is, I mean, look, now I will say, some of their point, I understand. Cause a, a destination wedding.

• 1:09:25Speaker 03

  Is a lot.

• 1:09:26Stavros Halkias?

  Is annoying, right? Like, like my, I remember my cousin did it in Greece and leading up to it, I was like, fuck. But I mean, look, it was nice. It ended up actually, the timing ended up being perfect because we went, I was in Gre- Eldis fucking came. Eldis, my boy, our boy Straight George was there.

• 1:09:42Speaker 03

  Straight George?

• 1:09:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:43Speaker 03

  Hilarious name.

• 1:09:44Stavros Halkias?

  Straight George was there.

• 1:09:45Speaker 03

  Straight George?

• 1:09:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. And, and uh,

• 1:09:47Speaker 03

  Do you have a, get there a gate?

• 1:09:48Stavros Halkias?

  No, no. If you meet, wait, someday you'll meet George. We, we plan on having some parties around here. You'll understand the, where the nickname comes from.

• 1:09:55Speaker 03

  Straight George?

• 1:09:56Stavros Halkias?

  It's a, it's a nickname that completely makes sense when you meet Straight George, but. So it was actually really fun. It was awesome. Getting there, it was one of the best experi- it was the best wedding I've ever been to, the most fun I've had. We, they chartered a boat. We fucking went on a little, little fucking sunset cruise.

• 1:10:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:12Stavros Halkias?

  This fucking cru- literally the captain, the captain and his two fucking boys, they just, they paused, middle of the day, they stopped the boat. Cook, fucking pull out a grill, cook fresh pork chops, cook a fresh fucking, chop up a fresh salad. It was like one of the best meals I've had. Then you swim, you jump off the boat, swim to the beach and watch the fucking sunset. It was beautiful, right? But getting there was a pain in the ass and a lot of people couldn't make it, cause it is fucking annoying, right? So I understand being like, ah, well, isn't it, wouldn't it be nice to have everybody together? And I get that, but if you're saying, look, I think here was your mistake, was, was saying the wedding is in Puerto Rico.

• 1:10:52Stavros Halkias?

  What you say is, we're gonna have two weddings. We're gonna have a small vacation elopement. And then we're gonna, and then we're gonna, for, for whoever wants to come to Puerto Rico and enjoy the beach, whatever. We want, we think that would be fun. And then we wanna, we don't wanna, this is the, this is how you should have.

• 1:11:11Speaker 03

  Very smart.

• 1:11:11Stavros Halkias?

  What you should have done, here's how you spin the reception. You're like, if we do a full, full, formal reception here at fucking St. Anthony's or whatever the fuck. And you know, we, we ca- we go to like the nicest fucking Italian, whatever these fucking goombas want you to do. You could say, well, you know, we'd have to cut people and you have to, and then not everybody can come. But this way, we're gonna have a very small ceremony for just the closest family and whoever can make it. And if you can't make it, no big deal. And we wanna have an even bigger ceremony that's a slightly less formal, so that we can have everybody in the whole fucking family. That, and if you can try and re-spin it, if you can try and redo that and be like, alright, you guys are right. We don't want anybody to miss anything, so we're just gonna split it in two.

• 1:11:56Stavros Halkias?

  And what might help your dumb Italian family is to give the religious ceremony to them, right? Like get a priest or get someone to, get those fucking idiots seeing a ceremony. And they might think, well, alright, good. At least they didn't give the Hispanics the real wedding. You know what I mean? Like, that might be what your dumb fucking father thinks. And if you're like, and if you just go and do like a, a beautiful on the beach, that's how I would handle it personally. Because this is, I just think you fucked up, cause you said, we're gonna elope and have a party or whatever and have a reception. You should have said, we wanna have two weddings. And I do think if you, I think I would give them the bargaining chip of the quote unquote real

• 1:12:37Stavros Halkias?

  ceremony happening in, in wherever, Bayonne, New Jersey, or wherever the fuck you're calling from. And, and have the Puerto Rico thing be more of like a, in fact, you might even wanna swap them and be like, we wanna have our honeymoon in Puerto Rico. So why don't we do a beautiful ceremony for, like, there's a lot of little tricks you can do here, I think.

• 1:12:57Speaker 03

  You better, that was a great, that was a great, I was just gonna say, man, fuck it. You two woke, goes to Puerto Rico, but I don't even tell them, you grown ass man.

• 1:13:03Stavros Halkias?

  I, I actu- I fully agree with you, right?

• 1:13:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:13:06Stavros Halkias?

  Like, that is the actual answer at the end of this is like, a- and if they're still being fucking weird about it, and she's like, alright, well, listen. Fuck you.

• 1:13:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:13:14Stavros Halkias?

  I'm going to Puerto Rico.

• 1:13:15Speaker 03

  I love my lady, I'm doing that.

• 1:13:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:16Speaker 03

  You know what I'm saying?

• 1:13:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly. And I know.

• 1:13:18Speaker 03

  You can come or you don't gotta come.

• 1:13:19Stavros Halkias?

  And I know that sucks because again, this is just, this is why family's fucking annoying, right? It's like, they, cause if it's not your family, you would just be like, okay, suck my dick. I don't care what you think. But you're gonna have to put up with these people for the rest of your fucking life, right?

• 1:13:33Speaker 03

  It's your mom, your grandma, your pops.

• 1:13:35Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right. And so, that's why I would try a diplomatic approach, which basically is just kind of like jangling your keys in front of your Italian family and being like, it's totally different. Look at this, you know what I mean?

• 1:13:46Speaker 03

  It's exactly what you, what you don't want, but what you want.

• 1:13:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or get like, yeah, and then, and then, you know, really like, who's a, get fucking one of the, one of the Real Housewives from New Jersey as a celebrity guest at the fucking reception. Give them something, feed a little meat to the Italians. What do they want? What, what, like, what can we, you know? Make it all lasagna, whatever, whatever the reception is, but I would say that, give them some token. So they feel like they've, they're heard. And, but ultimately, you know, you got it. We say this all the time, when you get married, you have to understand, that's your family now, right? And it's, I'm not saying your family, family isn't your, but like your unit, your like nuclear family is you and your wife.

• 1:14:32Stavros Halkias?

  And your family goes from mattering the most to now there is someone that matters less than them, or more than them, right? And so, at the end of the day, you also have to set the precedent of like, hey, I love you guys. And I'm gonna try as best I can to make you happy. But if you, if what you want is directly at odds with what me and my wife want, you lose that, right? A lot of people get very cucked by their family and are just like such cowards. And this is a really important time for you to be like, here's how the rest of my life is gonna go.

• 1:15:02Speaker 03

  That's all.

• 1:15:03Stavros Halkias?

  I'm not waiting, I'm not gonna fuck, I'm not gonna care what the fuck you, I'm not your, I am your son, but I'm not your little child anymore.

• 1:15:09Speaker 03

  That's real.

• 1:15:10Stavros Halkias?

  And you gotta get off my dick and let me have my wedding the way I want to.

• 1:15:13Speaker 03

  That's real.

• 1:15:13Stavros Halkias?

  But I think you can figure it out both. I think you do both, pretty easily. Just, it's a matter of PR, my friend.

• 1:15:18Speaker 03

  It's seeing how stubborn it is, these people.

• 1:15:20Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally. What do you, you wanna do a fucking sunset be, uh, Universal Studios wedding? What do you want?

• 1:15:27Speaker 03

  I, I say I do on the Hulk, that's my.

• 1:15:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, do it on the Hulk. Come back as a man.

• 1:15:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, real shit.

• 1:15:32Stavros Halkias?

  The, the ride that almost claimed you as a boy. Now it'll be the first ride you take with your wife.

• 1:15:38Speaker 03

  That's the plan.

• 1:15:39Stavros Halkias?

  Al Pacino next to you scrambling his balls.

• 1:15:43Stavros Halkias?

  Actually, invite Al Pacino to your wedding. Have him nut in one of your cousins.

• 1:15:48Speaker 03

  They'll never forget it.

• 1:15:49Stavros Halkias?

  Now they, now you fused your family with the Pacino bloodline. They'll love you forever. You go to Puerto Rico as many times you want. They'll start eating tostones now. They'll fucking, you know what I mean? Give us another Eld. Hey, Stavi, hey, Eldis. I'm just looking for some advice. A pretty long.

• 1:16:07Speaker 06

  Story short, I was in a friends with benefits situation for like four or five years, a lot longer than I should have. It got messy in the end. Um, and then I ended up moving five hours away from home.

• 1:16:23Stavros Halkias?

  That's good.

• 1:16:23Speaker 06

  And when I moved, we didn't talk a lot.

• 1:16:27Stavros Halkias?

  You didn't, okay, she didn't talk. I was gonna say, let me guess, you didn't take that as a clear opportunity to break this off and move to a new like situation. But anyway, let's see what she has to say.

• 1:16:37Speaker 06

  And when I moved, we didn't talk a lot. And I ended up meeting a guy here, started dating, got engaged.

• 1:16:48Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome.

• 1:16:48Speaker 06

  We were engaged for about four years. And then we called it off.

• 1:16:53Stavros Halkias?

  Engagement, which by the way, is just a situation with a ring.

• 1:16:58Speaker 03

  She has the worst luck.

• 1:16:59Stavros Halkias?

  Benefit, I know, four, five years in a friends with benefits.

• 1:17:03Speaker 03

  Five hours away, met that other guy's cousin.

• 1:17:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm, I love you for real. This is gonna be great, but also I'm not ready for much after this.

• 1:17:14Stavros Halkias?

  Honestly, the prolonged engagement is maybe one of the most cowardly things a man can do.

• 1:17:19Speaker 03

  Cause it's also like, here, fuck it, damn, that's exactly what I did. Have this.

• 1:17:23Stavros Halkias?

  It's totally, and you're lying to them. You're making them think, cause that is a problem. I don't, you know, I'm not, it's not a traditional show by any means, right? I don't have a traditional lifestyle, don't believe most of that shit. But I do think when you get engaged, that is a tr- actual promise to spend the rest of your life with someone. And when you're like, yeah, yeah, this will just fucking buy me some time. Yeah, that's a scumbag move. And to do it for four years is fucking crazy. But let's finish, let's see if we're missing anything.

• 1:17:49Speaker 06

  And then we called it off and broke up a few months ago.

• 1:17:53Stavros Halkias?

  Tough.

• 1:17:53Speaker 06

  And I've just kind of been single, but I've started thinking about this old friends with benefits guy. And I have been thinking of reaching back out to him.

• 1:18:05Stavros Halkias?

  He's five hours away.

• 1:18:06Speaker 06

  Be like, hey.

• 1:18:09Speaker 03

  Fuck it. I say fuck it.

• 1:18:12Stavros Halkias?

  Let's, let's let her finish.

• 1:18:15Speaker 06

  When I come back home and visit, like, do you wanna fuck around again? But I had to block him on multiple social media channels.

• 1:18:26Stavros Halkias?

  Wait a minute, girl, that's your fucking answer right there.

• 1:18:28Speaker 06

  When I was with my ex fiance, because he was reaching out. And it was causing problems in that relationship.

• 1:18:36Stavros Halkias?

  Hilarious.

• 1:18:37Speaker 06

  So I guess I'm kind of asking how I unblock someone and start talking to them again.

• 1:18:43Speaker 03

  Oh, it's easy.

• 1:18:43Stavros Halkias?

  Well, yeah, I mean, listen.

• 1:18:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, what?

• 1:18:46Stavros Halkias?

  The good news is, if a woman that hate, used to hate me, but used to suck me off, unblocks, you think I'm mad?

• 1:18:53Speaker 03

  What, you're gonna be upset?

• 1:18:53Stavros Halkias?

  Can I come over and fuck you? I'd be like, yes.

• 1:18:59Stavros Halkias?

  I knew it, you fucking bitch. You were coming back. Just fucking, just fucking wiping Doritos off my shit, be like, fucking whore, couldn't resist me.

• 1:19:11Stavros Halkias?

  No, I'd be much more respectful. And if anybody's in that situation and thinking about unblocking me and hitting me up, do it.

• 1:19:18Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 1:19:20Speaker 03

  Same for everybody.

• 1:19:23Stavros Halkias?

  So that's the good news.

• 1:19:27Stavros Halkias?

  The good news is you're ready to rock if you wanna do this.

• 1:19:30Speaker 03

  It's all in your, ball in your court, baby.

• 1:19:32Stavros Halkias?

  The bad news is, we cannot tell you, we cannot counsel you to do this. This guy clearly was a, you said it got messy, it was five years. When you were fucking engaged, he's DMing you. You're like, I get it, I understand the impulse to go to something familiar. And if you set ver- here's, the other good news is, if you set really clear boundaries.

• 1:19:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:19:55Stavros Halkias?

  If you're like, look, do you wanna go, here's the thing, I just gotta have a, well, I just gotta have a thing. I just want this to be purely physical. I don't even wanna fucking talk to you otherwise. But it would be nice to just clear out the cobwebs from my pussy. Can you do that?

• 1:20:12Speaker 03

  Can I tell you?

• 1:20:13Stavros Halkias?

  Again.

• 1:20:13Speaker 03

  The answer is gonna be for him.

• 1:20:16Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly.

• 1:20:16Speaker 03

  One thousand, of course.

• 1:20:17Stavros Halkias?

  One of the most one thousand percent no brainer yeses of all time.

• 1:20:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:20:21Stavros Halkias?

  It's almost, what I'm describing, when what you could do is like, a pathetic teenage fantasy.

• 1:20:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:20:29Stavros Halkias?

  Like, it's, when, when you jack off to shit like that, when you like, you know, maybe you come up on an Instagram story and you're like, ah, man, I wish you let me fuck again. And you're like, what if she just knocked on my door and asked to suck me off and no strings attached? I mean, it's like, that never happens. And if it did, some guys, listen, better, men of higher moral standing than us, might turn it down. This guy ain't one of those. This guy ain't that, this guy's fucking worse than we are.

• 1:20:56Speaker 03

  He's a bad guy.

• 1:20:57Stavros Halkias?

  He's a fucking piece of shit. Clearly, he's a piece of shit.

• 1:21:00Speaker 03

  Call you back and be like, I want him back. We only gotta do no foot play.

• 1:21:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:05Speaker 03

  I don't gotta talk to you at all.

• 1:21:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's cool. I'll just be, have my VR goggles on the whole time. So, but again, I don't think you should do this. I do think like, I think there's a way for you to get, uh, you know, I think there is a way for you to hook up, finding you, friends with benefits, you're of, rebound off of an engagement is a classic. If you wanna stay out of a relationship, it's so easy to, if you're hooking up with someone and they wanna make it like, serious.

• 1:21:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:21:36Stavros Halkias?

  You can be like, I just got out of a really fucked up five year relationship, I can't. So you, and again, this is way more, way more important than the opposite gender dynamics. Usually, usually, like I tell my divorced male friends, like, you have the Mario star for staying out of a relationship for two years. Once you're divorced and any girl wants to date, you'd be like, just got divorced. Too easy, I would, I, too soon, I couldn't do it. So that's my advice to you. I would say, I don't think, I think it's easy for, for a, you know, a nice young woman like yourself to find a, a fuck buddy. Also, it could be in your town. Now, if you're thinking, look, I don't live there anymore, I would be in and out, I, but I just.

• 1:22:18Speaker 03

  So we should go home.

• 1:22:19Stavros Halkias?

  In general, I know, in general, I just think dredging shit up like this, very rarely works. Now, it is pretty hot. I will also say, fucking someone you're not supposed to, it's new and familiar at the same time, kind of incredible, kind of an awesome nut to let off, but

• 1:22:42Stavros Halkias?

  this is a, we're talking a decade of your fucking life.

• 1:22:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:22:45Stavros Halkias?

  We're talking nine fucking years.

• 1:22:46Speaker 03

  But what if, what if?

• 1:22:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:48Speaker 03

  They, they fuck again?

• 1:22:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:50Speaker 03

  And they like, really like locked in.

• 1:22:52Stavros Halkias?

  It's possible, I suppose. Hallmark, white trash Hallmark movie.

• 1:22:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I just needed somebody to fu- yeah, I, I, yeah, it's, that's another thing that's possible. And I do believe in love and that's, but this was a, this was a, this is a thing that was like messy at the end, five years, whatever.

• 1:23:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:23:10Stavros Halkias?

  Now, I do think it's possible for people to break up. Like, when people try and get back together too quick, that shit never works. But if you break up with someone, sp- spend time, you both go off into different directions, and maybe you grow into people that are more compatible in better times in your life, that's possible.

• 1:23:26Speaker 03

  You're a real diplomat, dawg. I could never do nothing like this. You have great, you have great, like, oh, you, you just, I'm like, hey, man, go back there, fuck that nigga, hang out. Go out there the whole time, man.

• 1:23:36Stavros Halkias?

  No, you fucked enough, though. It has to be one of those things where you're like.

• 1:23:39Speaker 03

  No, yeah, no, you, you.

• 1:23:40Stavros Halkias?

  If enough time has passed.

• 1:23:41Speaker 03

  This makes a bunch of sense.

• 1:23:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:23:43Speaker 03

  Everything you're doing is, is perfect.

• 1:23:44Stavros Halkias?

  What I'm, what you're describing is this is too fresh. In three, come see me in four years about this girl. After you've, you know what I mean? Who knows what kind of fucking, what kind of backup SNL dancer pussy you've gotten? What kind of Doja Cat's backup dancers you've gotten sucked off by, by then? You know what I mean? Like, who knows? You've, you've had so many experiences that you don't even care about, that guy's a fu- you know, the guy she fucked or whatever, you're like, who cares? Like, that's what I'm saying. You actually proved my point. Because when you have that feeling jump out, it can never work. But when it's totally done, and maybe completely, cause I don't know who had the feelings for who back then.

• 1:24:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:24:20Stavros Halkias?

  But it sounds like for you, this is completely done, you don't fucking care about this guy. I suppose it's possible. The fact that he was reaching out and you had to block him is a huge problem.

• 1:24:29Speaker 03

  He, he was reaching out that much?

• 1:24:31Stavros Halkias?

  If this guy was just dormant, and you just hit him up, and when you go home, it's different. If it was a friends with benefits that ended on slightly better terms, and this guy wasn't a pest in your life.

• 1:24:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:24:43Stavros Halkias?

  I would say, I would be much more open to this, right? But, uh, but this, this is a little tricky. You sound too de- and the thing is, you sound so depressed and down in the dumps, that this is you're trying to drink water from the poison, poisonous well. The old pussy well, the, I mean, for me, usually, this metaphor, actually, we, actually, straight George helped me develop it. It is drinking from the poison well. When you're so thirsty, you're like, I know there's fucking larvae and maggots and fucking, and whatever in that well.

• 1:25:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:25:16Stavros Halkias?

  But I'll just, I'll put some leaves, I'll filter it like that, and, you know what I mean? It'll be better. And no, then you fucking, you have diarrhea in the woods after that.

• 1:25:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:25:24Stavros Halkias?

  Go fucking get a fresh stream, get a new source of dick. Don't do this. I think that's, but if you do, we told you how to. So you have both options. The ball is in your court. Here's with another one, little L.

• 1:25:38Speaker 00

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• 1:26:06Speaker 01

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• 1:26:39Speaker 05

  Hey, what's up, Stav? Eldis guest. Love the show. I'm re-recording to make this a little bit more concise. Basically, I have a question about Greek food and racism. I'm a black man living near the Greek town of a major city. I love Greek food. But I keep having these like bad racist experiences with Greek restaurants.

• 1:27:00Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck dude. Um, I've been to- And he's so right. Like, I have no- he's just- I don't know that I have the answer, bro.

• 1:27:06Speaker 05

  Wait, what?

• 1:27:07Stavros Halkias?

  I'm sorry. I mean, a lot of Greek people are racist as fuck. Truly.

• 1:27:12Speaker 05

  Um, I've been to two smaller, very authentic, kinda like mom and pop shops. Uh, they have delicious, authentic food, but like terrible, like weird vibes. Uh, I'm talking, like, me getting ignored by servers.

• 1:27:27Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck dude, this sucks.

• 1:27:29Speaker 05

  Getting like wordless stares from the staff and like the old Greek people eating there. Uh, people like openly shitting on other races and like mocking people with Indian accents, so.

• 1:27:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:40Speaker 05

  I feel like I've been burned.

• 1:27:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's a tough one.

• 1:27:43Speaker 05

  And like, I'm about to give up, but my main question is, next time I crave Greek food, should I, like, expect different from a larger restaurant along the main street of the Greek town?

• 1:27:56Stavros Halkias?

  This is tough.

• 1:27:58Speaker 05

  Instead of these kind of like tucked away mom and pop shops?

• 1:28:00Stavros Halkias?

  Listen, how-

• 1:28:01Speaker 05

  I don't wanna be naive here, you know, I've been, uh, I'm sure I've been fed food by a lot of racists.

• 1:28:06Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 1:28:07Speaker 05

  But am I going wrong by hitting up these, uh, smaller, like, local shops? Anyway, love the show and as one of the most popular Greek podcasters, um, you clearly, you know, have to answer for the racism of all Greek people everywhere.

• 1:28:22Stavros Halkias?

  This is a tough one.

• 1:28:23Speaker 05

  You know, let me know what you think. Thank you.

• 1:28:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, listen, brother, how authentic do you want the food? You know what I mean? Like, like, like, how authentic do you want the food? Cause your, your instincts are correct. If you go to a place that's a larger restaurant, that has an advertising budget, that, they are, they are business first, food and racism second, right? When you go, and I've always said, the best Greek food, you don't want it, you want things to be fucked up. You don't want a good Greek restaurant to have an advertising budget. You don't want the graphic design of the restaurant, the menus to make sense.

• 1:29:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:29:03Stavros Halkias?

  You want it, fuck it. You want the AC broken, you want it to be one guy and his fat wife or cousin, you can't tell, like, she's the one, she's the waitress, he's fucking, he's, he's cooking you fucking lamb chops and his fucking, you know, knuckle hairs are getting on it, right? That's what you want, and unfortunately, for the best food, and unfortunately, those guys, what do you think they think? What do you think their fucking perspective on other cultures is? They live in America and they don't speak English still. They don't even like white American culture. You think they're, you think they're gonna open up on Indian? I wish it was different. I'm not saying it's good or correct.

• 1:29:46Stavros Halkias?

  And I'm, now I'm thinking, I'm thinking to my favorite Greek restaurant in Baltimore, which is a, it used to be a coffee shop where the guy just used to cook for his friends sometimes, and it was so good that, uh, he just was like, fuck it, I guess I'm a restaurant now.

• 1:30:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:30:03Stavros Halkias?

  They're not as bad as this, but would they, would they give him a couple like, huh? If an Indian guy walked in? Yes, they would. Now, my guys wouldn't do the voice in front of you, but they would be like, oh, when he leaves.

• 1:30:16Speaker 04

  This guy, this guy's black for the record.

• 1:30:18Stavros Halkias?

  He's black? Oh, interesting. I thought he, I thought he said Indian voice.

• 1:30:21Speaker 04

  He said, well, he said other cultures, but he's black, yeah.

• 1:30:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'd love to know the city, cause that also matters. Cause it's like, cause it is funny, a lot of, a lot of Greek towns are in like these major east coast urban hubs. They're like Baltimore. I mean, the big, the ones I know are Baltimore, Chicago, Detroit, like, you know.

• 1:30:42Speaker 04

  This is interesting. Maybe we'll bleep it, but it's the area that it-

• 1:30:47Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's even, that's even more interesting.

• 1:30:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:30:49Stavros Halkias?

  That makes a lot of sense as well.

• 1:30:51Speaker 03

  But it's very diverse. I was just there.

• 1:30:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it is, but that's the thing. When some, that's the thing, when something is so diverse, that you have a lot of authentic subcultures, they stay racist. They stay racist in a like, let's just, you know, this is how things go. It's like, it's kinda like how, it's kinda like how the, like, uh, you know, like the neighborhoods here, it's like Little Italy, that kind of- It's like within, we're in a, yeah, New York's diverse, but you go to the wrong part of, especially, not now anymore, but like, when Little Italy was bigger, you'd think black guys were getting great service at Little Italy just cause New York is diverse? You know what I mean? So, now, I do think, yes, if you go to the bigger place where they have a business idea, where they care about profits, the food will be worse, but the treatment will be better.

• 1:31:37Stavros Halkias?

  And I really have no excuse here, and I will say-

• 1:31:40Speaker 03

  That's hilarious.

• 1:31:41Stavros Halkias?

  My, my advice to you would be like, that, cause I've said it before, if you go to Greece, you will get sort of whimsical racism. You'll get like, you'll get like, like, you'll get people calling you Michael Jordan and, and-

• 1:31:55Speaker 03

  But also, that's like, nah.

• 1:31:56Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally. But that's the problem is when you combine how much of a novelty it is to see a person of a different race in Europe with just, you know, the, the culture of America is racist. You know what I mean? Like, so it's like, you know, when you combine that into like, you know, I don't know, dude. So, my advice would be, hmm, yeah, man, it's doordash it.

• 1:32:25Speaker 03

  And then pick a, pick a white man, dude.

• 1:32:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, pick a generic name. Say it's for John.

• 1:32:31Speaker 03

  John Smith.

• 1:32:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:34Speaker 03

  Thank you very much.

• 1:32:35Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, bro, I really wish I had something else, but I'm thinking about the, my favorite restaurants in Baltimore's Greek town, and of the four, one is not racist.

• 1:32:47Speaker 03

  And is it, is it, is it the best one?

• 1:32:49Stavros Halkias?

  It's, yeah, I would say it's one of the best one. I think it's arguable. It's what you're going for.

• 1:32:53Speaker 03

  It's like, it's like-

• 1:32:54Stavros Halkias?

  Some people do certain things better, but it's also the one that is like, it's pretty auth- it is authentic, but it is, they've been around the longest, they're the best business. So, yeah, the better the business, the less racism, cause racism is bad business, right? So, but the food will be worse. So, I would say doordash the authentic stuff, and if you're out on a date, go to the fucking place that's run well.

• 1:33:14Speaker 03

  That's hilarious.

• 1:33:14Stavros Halkias?

  Cause they have, they have, you know, they have fucking taken out the racism by then. Business has forced them to take out the, profits and losses, uh, has forced them to take it out. But man, that is just embarrassing and you are completely right.

• 1:33:27Speaker 03

  That's hilarious.

• 1:33:28Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, and it is, that is what my fucking countrymen are like. I mean, a lot, it is funny, cause a lot of, it's funny that conservatives don't like immigrants, cause immigrants are the most racist homophobic people in the world. First generation, first generation guys from Africa, you're like Greek, it's like, you think they're chill? You think Muslims are cool with trans people? You should want more if you're a fucking idiot transphobe. But that's the thing, they're too fucking stupid to understand, they could have multicultural Nazis. They could have, like, they could build a, they could build a multicultural coalition of people that hate who they hate, but unfortunately, that is the problem with racists and transphobes are fucking stupid, so, you know.

• 1:34:11Stavros Halkias?

  I'm, I hope that you never catch on. Fuck you guys.

• 1:34:14Speaker 03

  Yeah. Fuck y'all.

• 1:34:18Stavros Halkias?

  Hit us, uh, hit it, and, ah, fuck, should I have said?

• 1:34:22Stavros Halkias?

  Nah, they're pretty fucking homophobic.

• 1:34:24Speaker 03

  It do be a thing when I get to a point in life where I was like, I have to watch-

• 1:34:27Stavros Halkias?

  You know what? Bleep it out.

• 1:34:29Speaker 03

  I would say, dog, this shit gets, this shit gets scary. I'm saying like, what should I say now?

• 1:34:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. I think keeping it general was good. Keeping it the continents of Europe and Africa's fine, but I don't wanna zero in on the, the-

• 1:34:42Speaker 04

  You name like seven countries.

• 1:34:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:34:46Stavros Halkias?

  I didn't, we've bleeped it out. It was both Europe and Africa.

• 1:34:51Speaker 03

  And I sat here and just smiled. I think I might be worse.

• 1:34:56Speaker 03

  You ain't gonna say shit now? Hey, man, I'm just, I'm just vibing.

• 1:35:05Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, fuck. Got something fun for us to go out on, Eldis?

• 1:35:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:35:09Speaker 07

  Hi, Stavi. Hi, Eldis. Hi, guests. I have a completely hypothetical question, but it would be great if you guys had like a male, um, guest to answer as well. So, me and my best friend have been best friends since 11. We came up with this idea when we were high as hell in our early twenties. I am a bisexual woman, and my best friend at the time was a lesbian, but now she's being a trans man, so I guess maybe it still applies.

• 1:35:33Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 1:35:33Speaker 07

  I am low-key, high-key a cook, and I came up with this idea of my future has been- Impregnating my best friend as well as myself. Um, just because of course.

• 1:35:43Stavros Halkias?

  As well.

• 1:35:44Speaker 07

  And now she's with a trans man, so she can't have kids with her current partner. And I was like, our but our kids could be cousins, siblings, best friends.

• 1:35:53Stavros Halkias?

  They would be si- they would be siblings. They wouldn't be cousins. Yeah, you're like, they'd be half siblings. But anyway, keep going.

• 1:35:59Speaker 07

  Best friends. And every time I bring it up to a guy, I've only brought it up to guys a handful of times. But they have not a problem with it, but they they they think they have to think about it.

• 1:36:10Stavros Halkias?

  It is weird.

• 1:36:10Speaker 07

  Have to think about it because they're like, I don't know if I could rate like be so close to a child that's mine and I'm not raising them. What do you guys think? Is this a possibility? Can this work? It doesn't have to be a sister wise situation. We're not gonna share my man. He's had sexually, maybe a few times.

• 1:36:26Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, this is.

• 1:36:27Speaker 07

  But, um, what do you think? Can this work?

• 1:36:32Speaker 03

  I wish this was me.

• 1:36:35Speaker 03

  Aw, man, it sounds so fucking cool, man. Actually, tell her call me person.

• 1:36:41Stavros Halkias?

  Now, I now, maybe there's something fucked up about my psychology. This sounds fucking awesome.

• 1:36:45Speaker 03

  I would say it sounded cool until the the she brought the point where the dude was like, I just wanna raise.

• 1:36:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, like, what if what if they're like, yeah, what if?

• 1:36:53Speaker 03

  I don't wanna raise both of them.

• 1:36:54Stavros Halkias?

  But what if, yeah, what if they raise your kid and they're like, no, you can't watch fucking, you can't watch sports? You're like, you gotta, you know what I mean? Like, what if, like, what? And I don't wanna, if I had a kid, I wouldn't want, and you know, my friends, I wouldn't want them to play football, but it's like, I would like the kid to like, play some sports, do some shit. Or what if they're like, in my case, what if they're like, I mean, these type of people wouldn't do that, but what if they're like, we're gonna raise them devoutly religious? And I'm now realizing you never told us the type of Christian that Cam's family is, because you're a fucking bad producer. Uh, that was an hour and twenty minutes ago, almost, but that's okay. But, but yeah, I I guess I'm realizing, like, there's a couple of problems here. One, what if they wanna raise your kid in a completely different way?

• 1:37:38Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, than you would want to. But I feel like these people would all be pretty aligned.

• 1:37:41Speaker 03

  They'd be close. What if there's a falling out? Like, I've been cool since eleven, but what if y'all?

• 1:37:45Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:37:46Speaker 03

  Don't become not like my kid is like.

• 1:37:47Stavros Halkias?

  And then, and then what if, and here's the other thing, you're biologically this kid's fucking dad. What if there's a falling out and then this woman's like, and I'm suing you for child support? Or like, they're like, and they're like, wait, I thought you said I just nut in you and you guys raise it. That, to me, it's honestly the legal and the life. The legal thing is the thing that would trip me up the most.

• 1:38:06Speaker 03

  Imagine that telling that to a judge. Listen.

• 1:38:08Stavros Halkias?

  Your honor, I was getting, I was, while getting double top, she said, would you just wanna nut in my friend? And what am I gonna say? No?

• 1:38:16Speaker 03

  Come on, what do you mean?

• 1:38:16Stavros Halkias?

  Your honor, I do the, what am I, a bitch defense?

• 1:38:21Speaker 03

  Come on, y'all, please, come on, bro.

• 1:38:23Stavros Halkias?

  Come on, you.

• 1:38:24Speaker 03

  Put those up in my shoes right now, bro.

• 1:38:27Speaker 03

  Both these ladies giving you head. One of them go, hey, nut in me.

• 1:38:35Speaker 03

  Come on, dawg.

• 1:38:36Stavros Halkias?

  I would like to get my my my lawyer files for petition to have this transferred to bro court. I would like to reconvene MTV two's bro code and have have John Gabris, uh, uh, be the one who weighs in on this.

• 1:38:50Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, yeah, DiStefano and Gabris. I would like the tribunal of them to weigh in on this, but, um, yeah. As a fantasy, it's incredible.

• 1:38:59Speaker 03

  It's a great fantasy.

• 1:39:00Stavros Halkias?

  As a fantasy, you're a cuck, and it's like, and it's like, I want you to like, you know, uh, impregnate my, you know, and have like, because I do, sometimes I do think, and maybe it's because I made the cult movie, and I was like researching and shit, and I was like, it would be kinda awesome to have like a sex cult where everybody, you just fuck everybody and they're like, you're the man, we love you, you know what I mean? And so for me, this, as a fantasy, really works. But yes, I think the legalities of it are actually what's tripping me up.

• 1:39:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:39:31Stavros Halkias?

  The falling out, falling out's big, because it's like, maybe you could be okay with being an active participant in this kid's life, because essentially, even though it's not your kid, and by the way, if this girl's friend is with a a a trans man who can't get, then they can't get pregnant. You're essentially a donor, which is no problem there, right?

• 1:39:50Speaker 03

  Does that change the legality of it?

• 1:39:52Stavros Halkias?

  I think if you fuck her, I don't know.

• 1:39:54Speaker 04

  I feel like if you do this, you, I would assume they would do like, you know, proper guardianships or whatever.

• 1:40:00Stavros Halkias?

  But all that shit, I I I, yes, but none of us know what that is. And none of us know if that holds up in court with a, like, because sometimes they they could just be like, well, let's do a DNA test. You know what I mean? And we don't know if like, like, the way prenups actually don't matter sometimes, depending on state law, whatever agreement you have might not matter, is what I'm saying. And if you, I would, if, now, look, if you could get this airtight, uh, here's the thing, I probably would still wanna, and and we had a falling out and they asked for money, I'd be like, of course I would. You just, you just, you're more than a uncle to this kid.

• 1:40:32Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:40:33Stavros Halkias?

  You're an uncle plus, basically.

• 1:40:35Speaker 03

  It's like, nigga, you, I mean, they explaining it to the kid.

• 1:40:37Stavros Halkias?

  And sometimes you've, yeah, yeah.

• 1:40:39Speaker 03

  Not explaining to the kid.

• 1:40:39Stavros Halkias?

  That's actually a really good.

• 1:40:41Speaker 03

  So, so wait a minute, you're not my dad, but you, listen, let me tell you something.

• 1:40:44Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, your dad is your dad. I'm the guy who fucked your mom. No, no, your dad can't nut jizz. I can.

• 1:40:52Speaker 03

  Let me have two girl look at you at the same time.

• 1:40:56Stavros Halkias?

  So, yeah, I would, this is what, that is, it's a tough one. I think ultimately I could be swayed if the situation was correct, but you are asking an insane thing.

• 1:41:06Speaker 03

  It's a lot. I mean, this is, it is crazy, but I do, I do like the fact of being a donor.

• 1:41:11Stavros Halkias?

  Donor's nice.

• 1:41:12Speaker 03

  That's cool.

• 1:41:12Stavros Halkias?

  And getting to do it old fashioned's nice. So, so, yeah, looking at it as more of a donor situation, I think.

• 1:41:18Speaker 03

  Because she never said how her, how her, uh, how her, her friend's man feels.

• 1:41:22Stavros Halkias?

  I I assume he's, he's on, he's on board, or else why the, how would the fuck would they even have this discussion?

• 1:41:27Speaker 03

  Very true.

• 1:41:28Stavros Halkias?

  Um, and also, it's like, so, yeah, I would, uh, but but from a general, she's basically just asking us like our general perspective.

• 1:41:37Stavros Halkias?

  I, you are asking an insane thing that is a hard needle to thread, or, yeah, hard. So, I would say, of course, they need to think about it. And now, I think how you warm them up is like, fuck, you know, take, maybe start with the fantasy. And be like, and you you say, hey, one day, this is what I've always thought about, and be like, and you know, I don't know if I really wanna do it, but why don't we just like, all fuck and it'll be hot or whatever. And it's like, start with the fantasy, because like, that could really loosen up my stance.

• 1:42:06Speaker 03

  I understand, like.

• 1:42:07Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, that's a very powerful tool of persuasion.

• 1:42:10Speaker 03

  I'm fucking a lady that I wanna have a kid with, and then I'm also fucking her friend.

• 1:42:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:15Speaker 03

  And, and then she just go, hey, by the way, if you, you wanna nut in both of us. At the moment of having sex, I'm like, I do whatever y'all want.

• 1:42:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 1:42:23Speaker 03

  Whatever y'all need from me to do. Donor? Yeah, whatever.

• 1:42:25Stavros Halkias?

  It's, it's kind of the same impulse as lying when you know you don't have to. It's like, don't know, what are you doing? Like, there's part of your head that's like, you don't need to do this. Don't, just fucking nut, just nut in the air.

• 1:42:34Speaker 03

  Pull out, dawg.

• 1:42:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, pull out.

• 1:42:36Speaker 03

  Please pull out.

• 1:42:36Stavros Halkias?

  Pull out, this could be still as awesome, but that same part, those parts of the brain are connected.

• 1:42:41Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:42:42Speaker 04

  The promise of potential double pussy in the future would be a nice carrot to dangle.

• 1:42:46Stavros Halkias?

  It would as well, but but that that is, that's a, but that, those are, those are the the arrows in your quiver.

• 1:42:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:42:53Stavros Halkias?

  It's mo- and the thing is, do you really want to extort a man with pussy to have two children? I don't know that you do. I don't know that that's, and again, we are not a, we are not a, uh, a family values, small c conservative show here. We are very, very open minded, and I would consider this, but it would take a lot of consideration, and it would have to feel right, and everything would have, and it is, what you're asking is hard, but to fuck both of you, that's the easiest thing.

• 1:43:22Speaker 03

  Hey, very simple.

• 1:43:23Stavros Halkias?

  So, start there. Uh, that is gonna do it for us, Cam. Thank you so much. This was so fun. You gotta come back, my friend. Um, we should have said, do you have anything to plug? You're on, you're on the road, but this comes out, this will come out later. This will come out like October.

• 1:43:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:43:36Stavros Halkias?

  So, you know.

• 1:43:36Speaker 03

  I'll say, just, hey, catch more SNL. I got, I'm on a rule. You can go to my Instagram at, uh, cancel funny, and I got cancel funny dot com, so.

• 1:43:43Stavros Halkias?

  I love it.

• 1:43:44Speaker 03

  You can get tickets there.

• 1:43:45Stavros Halkias?

  Check out Cam, fucking hilarious. Go see him on the road. It is, I was telling you earlier, it's nice to see, like, you're fucking working your ass off on the, on the SNL hiatus, you're on the road. That's fucking important, man, because like, that job's awesome, obviously, and it it leads to a lot of stuff, but you see a lot of comics kind of fucking stop hitting the road when they, when they get, um, and not just SNL, a lot of jobs, right? A lot of acting shit. And so I like seeing somebody who fucking is, you know, you're you're getting everything out of it that you should, so go see Cam on the road, watch his stuff, and, uh, we will, we will catch you guys next time. Bye, bye.

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