SYSK- TRENDING - What Your Dog is Really Thinking

Anyone who has ever owned a dog has probably wondered what goes on inside that furry little head. Does your dog feel guilty after chewing up your favorite shoes? Does it know when you've had a bad day? Does it love you the way you love it? We often assume we know what our dogs are thinking, but many of our assumptions are completely wrong. Understanding how dogs actually perceive the world can transform the relationship you have with your pet. According to dog behavior expert Camilla Gray-Nelson, dogs don't think the way humans do, and many common training mistakes happen because people expect dogs to understand things they simply don't. Once you begin to see the world from your dog's perspective, communication becomes easier, unwanted behaviors are easier to change, and training becomes far less frustrating—for both of you. Camilla shares fascinating insights into how dogs interpret our actions, what motivates their behavior, and how to build a happier, more cooperative relationship with your four-legged companion. She is author of Lipstick & the Leash: Dog Training a Woman's Way (http://amzn.to/2mkKr5Z). PLEASE SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS AIR DOCTOR: Head to ⁠https://AirDoctorPro.com⁠ and use promo code SYSK to get $250 off select AirDoctor air purifiers, including the 3500, 4000, and 5500 models. Plus, you’ll receive a free 3year warranty, an $84 value, and AirDoctor’s 30-day money back guarantee WAYFAIR: Ready to upgrade your home for way less? Head to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://Wayfair.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ right now to shop all things home and get your space ready for less. QUINCE: Elevate your everyday. Go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://Quince.com/sysk⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too! SHOPIFY: It's time to turn those "what ifs" into CHA CHING with Shopify Today! Sign up for your $1 per month trail and start selling today at ⁠https://Shopify.com/realm⁠ INDEED: Get a $75 Sponsored Job credit to help get your job the premium status it deserves at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://Indeed.com/PODCAST⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Mike Carruthers?

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• 0:41Mike Carruthers?

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• 1:26Mike Carruthers?

  But have you ever looked at your dog and wondered, what's really going on in that furry little head? Do they feel guilt when they chew up your favorite shoes? Do they actually understand any of the words you say? Or are they just reading your body language? Scientists are learning more than ever about how dogs think, communicate, and experience the world. And some of what they've discovered may surprise you. That's why today's SYSK trending topic is what your dog is really thinking. Today, you'll hear from dog behavior expert Camilla Gray Nelson, who explains how to better understand your dog's thoughts, emotions, and behavior, and how that understanding can strengthen the bond you share.

• 2:11Mike Carruthers?

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• 3:36Mike Carruthers?

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• 4:20Mike Carruthers?

  But how realistic is that? What are dogs really thinking? Here to discuss dog behavior and dog thinking, and how to train your dog to do what you want it to do, is Camilla Gray Nelson. She's author of the book Lipstick and the Leash: Dog Training a Woman's Way. Welcome, Camilla. So if I fell down the well instead of Timmy, how likely is it my dog would sense that I was in danger and would want to do something to help? Because I'm thinking that what my dog would probably do is eat the sandwich that I left on the side of the well before I fell down.

• 4:56Speaker 01

  It's a lovely thought to think that our dog has feelings like humans, that they would save us from the well if we fall in. But the fact is, as with so many myths, it just isn't so. The problem with the Lassie syndrome myth is that not only does it give us false expectations of what our dog should be and should do for us, that a dog can never live up to, but it actually puts us in an unsafe predicament with our dogs sometimes. Meaning, we are not careful around dogs as the animals that they are, thinking that

• 5:40Speaker 01

  they are gentle, benign creatures that would never harm us.

• 5:44Mike Carruthers?

  Yeah, I heard someone say, and maybe it was you being quoted somewhere, that you should never leave young children alone with a dog.

• 5:53Speaker 01

  Well, that is so true. And nowhere is the true nature of the dog revealed in that advice, because dogs, after all, are predatory hunters. And there have been more than one case of a young child left alone with a dog that did not survive. That's a horrible thing to think about, but the fact is, dogs are hunters, and they are programmed to take advantage in their primordial state, in their instinctive state, to take advantage of the old and the young, the weak, not the strong.

• 6:33Mike Carruthers?

  So if my dog is not thinking, how can I please you? How can I save you if you fall down the well? What is the dog, what is its motivation? What is it thinking?

• 6:44Speaker 01

  What a dog wants to know most of all is, who's in charge here? And instead of thinking, how can I please you? What a dog is really doing is trying to figure out, how can I avoid displeasing my boss and my leader? Slightly different, but profoundly different in its application.

• 7:09Mike Carruthers?

  Which is a very different mindset than what we think of, that the dog is there to make us happy and to do what, you know, get our slippers and that kind of thing.

• 7:19Speaker 01

  If a dog were truly motivated by making us happy, I, as a dog trainer, would be out of business, because the dog would be pleasing us. If that's what they want to do, they would be doing it. But clearly, that's not the dog's motivation. The dog is built with an internal testing mechanism, testing behavior, trying certain things. What they're really doing with this behavior is they're testing, are you in charge of me? Who's going to stop me? Because the status of a dog in a social group is totally dependent on how he can

• 8:02Speaker 01

  control and limit the behaviors of others.

• 8:08Mike Carruthers?

  So what does that mean to me as the dog owner, in terms of, do I need to tell the dog in some sort of dog language that I'm in charge here?

• 8:20Speaker 01

  The way to tell your dog you're in charge, and hence to get your dog to actually want to obey you, because he sees you as the leader, is nothing more complicated than setting boundaries, rules, reining in your dog's freedom. The moment you start reining in your dog's freedom, instead of letting the dog go where he wants, do what he wants, and have whatever he wants, the minute you start dialing back those freedoms, you have actually put yourself in a leadership position. And it's miraculous, the change in your dog's behavior, once you do that in a way that he understands from his cultural background.

• 9:02Mike Carruthers?

  Ooh, but what about that last part? I mean, how do you know what his cultural background is?

• 9:08Speaker 01

  He's a canine. That's what I mean.

• 9:10Mike Carruthers?

  Oh.

• 9:11Speaker 01

  In the canine world, they are seeking a leader. They're hungry for a leader. But what most people mistake for leadership is...

• 9:25Speaker 01

  Is raising your voice, being intimidating, wagging your finger and scolding your dog. You know, in his culture, that's the mark of a pretender, not a leader. Real leaders in the animal world, and this is true for all social mammals, not just dogs, but people as well. In the animal world, true leaders are marked by cool and calm control of their emotions. They are unflappable in the face of conflict. They're unflappable. That's a mark of their confidence which makes them rise to the top. When we give in to our emotions and we start to get angry, frustrated, and let that show,

• 10:09Speaker 01

  the dog is actually seeing weakness, not strength. And yet, I see it so often in dog owners trying to take control, but doing it through anger and frustration and punishment, which actually doesn't work.

• 10:23Mike Carruthers?

  I want to know how you correct a dog's behavior without making it crystal clear that this behavior is unacceptable. This behavior is bad. And we'll dive into that when we come back, right after this. A big thank you to today's sponsor, Vinted. I think most of us have what I call someday clothes. I'll wear that someday. That'll fit better someday. Someday, I'll have a place to wear that. Meanwhile, it's been hanging in the closet for three years. Vinted offers another possibility: Sell it. Every day, people can sell clothes they're no longer wearing and make some extra money.

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• 12:26Mike Carruthers?

  Our SYSK trending topic today is what your dog is really thinking. And my guest is dog behavior expert Camilla Gray Nelson. She's author of a book called Lipstick and the Leash. So Camilla, if you want to correct a behavior that the dog is doing, a negative behavior, pooping in the house or chewing up the furniture, how do you correct the behavior without making it clear, without pointing out, this is bad?

• 12:56Speaker 01

  You can correct a behavior by stopping it and limiting it. But if you do it without anger, that's the secret. You see, what I'll do, let's take, let's say, jumping, for example. What a dog does to stop another dog from jumping on him is to whip around and bark right in that dog's face. That bark is not angry, it's more pragmatic. Basically, it says, excuse me, but I don't allow you to jump on me. They're not screaming when they do it. They're just pragmatically saying, I don't allow that. That's what I mean by boundaries. I can't bark like a dog. But what I do have is a little device, pennies in a can. I'm going to let you listen to it right now. Hear that? That had no emotion in it.

• 13:41Speaker 01

  But it was like a bark. It was a startling, sudden noise that I can meet my dog's jump with. Pardon the grammar. And the dog will understand, oh, I didn't like how that turned out for me. I'm not a bad dog. I just didn't like how that turned out for me. Dogs are results-driven. And you give a result that's slightly less pleasant than the behavior you want them to achieve, and they will avoid that behavior. Indeed, correction is absolutely necessary. But if it's infused with anger or made as punishment, then you go over into the dark side and it actually won't work.

• 14:20Mike Carruthers?

  Well, what about when the dog does things when you're not around?

• 14:26Speaker 01

  Well, what a good question is that. Dogs, as pack animals, are not designed to live alone. They do not have an off switch or a conscience because they were designed to live under the supervision of other dogs in a group situation 24/7. So what you have to do when you leave, if your dog is of an age where he's still experimenting with behaviors and waiting for someone to stop him, if you're not there to stop him, you must confine the dog to a space where he's not able to live out his experimentations. He's not tempted by things.

• 15:09Speaker 01

  He can't pee on your carpet, destroy your shoes, steal food off the counter. Like I say, you lock the liquor cabinet when you leave. And that's sometimes creating the dog, sometimes putting them in a small room, sometimes an outdoor dog run, depending on your environment and your dog.

• 15:28Mike Carruthers?

  Well, but it's hard to remember to do that all the time.

• 15:31Speaker 01

  Well, that's not the dog's fault.

• 15:34Mike Carruthers?

  I guess not. But we're having, you know...

• 15:37Speaker 01

  That is our responsibility. It's interesting, once you get into that mindset, though, and women can be quite good at this, because what do we do with two-year-olds when we need to take a shower? Or a one-year-old? We put them in a playpen. See? You get into a mindset of when you can't supervise, you need to confine safely somehow. And so remembering to do that becomes second nature, once you get into that habit.

• 16:07Mike Carruthers?

  But what, does the dog ever stop trying?

• 16:14Speaker 01

  Indeed, a dog will stop trying to bend the rules when he knows what the rules are. A dog will try to figure out the rules if they're not clear to him, and when they're in a young developmental stage. As a dog grows and matures, and you have done a good job of keeping the rules consistent, they eventually stop trying as often. Here's my analogy. Dogs are like Jell-O. And they're like soft Jell-O when you first get a dog and you start training them into the ways of your home. You are the mold, the dog is the Jell-O.

• 16:54Speaker 01

  If you take the mold off too soon, you know what happens to the Jell-O. Keep the mold on long enough till that dog is habituated into the form of the behaviors that you want. And then you can take the mold off, and the Jell-O will retain its shape. The dog will be habituated into good behaviors. People take the mold off the Jell-O. They take the rules away from the dog too soon, or they never put it on at all.

• 17:27Mike Carruthers?

  Do dogs, as you said earlier, are looking to know who's the leader, but do dogs ever say, hey, I want to be the leader?

• 17:34Speaker 01

  Oh, indeed, dogs say that. Dogs of a certain personality will say that routinely. And a dog that wasn't even born with a personality suited for the corner, you know, for the penthouse office, will take charge if nobody else does. They are so driven towards that organization that a dog will take charge if you don't. Now, the dogs that are born with confident personalities, that if in nature, left to their own devices, would take the lead role, those dogs are more challenging.

• 18:13Speaker 01

  They don't, they do not readily take orders because they feel they should be giving them. In my book, Lipstick and the Leash, I talk about how to deal with dogs of that ilk, or people, by the way. And it's a different kind of methodology. You come at things from the sides. You don't meet head-on. You avoid confrontation and argument, and you use sweet influence instead.

• 18:44Mike Carruthers?

  When dogs jump over people when they come over, what are they doing?

• 18:51Speaker 01

  When dogs jump on you or others, it's an interesting behavior because it has multiple purposes. Yes, it's a greeting. Dogs jump on each other to greet. It's also a very subtle testing and ranking ritual. A dog that's allowed to jump on another dog consistently is the dominant dog. A dog that's allowed to jump on you consistently without you ever saying, I don't allow that, can be led to believe that he has more power in their relationship or in the home than you do. So jumping is a ranking ritual as well as something that's fun.

• 19:31Speaker 01

  What I recommend for dogs that are crazy jumpers when guests arrive, have a leash handy. When the doorbell rings, put a leash on your dog's collar. You can control his behavior by that simple act and let him know subtly but clearly that you are running the show.

• 19:55Mike Carruthers?

  That does seem to be the key, is to let them know that you are running the show.

• 20:01Speaker 01

  And running the show does not involve yelling. Running the show is simply knowing what you want, following through and getting it, even if it takes a while. It's not how fast you get a response or obedience, it's the fact that you eventually get it. What I find as a dog trainer of 24 years and counting, and after 10,000-plus clients, is that to a client, to a dog owner, they do not understand dogs. They've owned dogs, they've loved dogs, they've had many dogs.

• 20:41Speaker 01

  But they don't truly understand how the dog thinks, how his culture works, and how he's programmed by nature to act and react. Until you really understand a dog and dog life and dog culture, you cannot successfully train a dog.

• 21:01Mike Carruthers?

  Well, I know it's so easy to treat a dog like a member of the family and almost as if the dog is a person, but as you've clearly pointed out, you know, people are people and dogs are dogs, and we need to respect the differences. Camilla Gray Nelson has been my guest. She is author of the book Lipstick and the Leash: Dog Training a Woman's Way. And you'll find a link to her book in the show notes. And that's it for this week's SYSK trending episode. I'm Mike Carruthers. Thanks for listening today to Something You Should Know.