Pod Insights So True with Caleb Hearon Punkie Johnson Fell in a Hole About this episode Welcome! This week’s guest is the hilarious Punkie Johnson! Punkie and Caleb talk growing up in New Orleans, various styles of flirting, favorite moments from SNL, a certain childhood game, cooking, and much more!
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Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud
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So True is a Headgum podcast, created and hosted by Caleb Hearon. The show is produced by Chance Nichols with Associate Producer Allie Kahan. So True is engineered and edited by Nicole Lyons. Kaiti Moos is our VP of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Luke Rogers for our show art and Virginia Muller our social media manager.
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Transcript 11,461 words · 2 speakers
0:01 Speaker 00 This is a HeadGum Podcast.
0:05 Speaker 01 I liked it. I was like, no worries. All the boys want to jump on me? That's not a problem. I like that.
0:09 Speaker 00 That was a problem. The boys wanted to smear me.
0:16 Speaker 01 Yeah, if the girls were spitting me, I'd be pissed.
0:21 Speaker 01 But yeah, last time I saw you was on Alex English's show and you were lit that night.
0:25 Speaker 00 I...
0:28 Speaker 00 I shouldn't do anything with Alex English.
0:31 Speaker 01 You were lit, Punkie.
0:32 Speaker 00 Me and Alex, you know what? Me and Alex, we are a very dangerous combination.
0:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:37 Speaker 00 We are, we're not even a yin and a yang. We like the yang and the yang.
0:42 Speaker 00 We are too much of the same person in public. We, I cannot be around Alex without getting into some type of trouble or being dead the very next day. I don't even remember, Alex. Was that the show where we go sit on a stage and we talk about what's on the screen or something?
0:56 Speaker 01 Yes, we were sitting on the stage talking about what's on the screen. I was there with Marie and we were laughing so hard because at one point you, you were, you were pretty drunk at this point in the show, in a very fun way. And who were you up there? You were up there with Ziwei and someone else.
1:10 Speaker 00 Yeah, it was Ziwei.
1:11 Speaker 01 You went off about how much you love the American flag.
1:16 Speaker 01 And you were, you were like, fuck the pride flag. We already have a pride flag. It's called the American flag. And you were going, and Alex was like, Alex was like, Punkie, Punkie, Punkie. And you were going off.
1:26 Speaker 00 No wonder why I was getting hate mail from Black Lives Matter out of myself.
1:30 Speaker 01 It was cracking me up, dude.
1:32 Speaker 00 Well, because I love America.
1:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:34 Speaker 00 Sometimes I get really upset with all the things that's going on in America. But I really love this country. This is land of the free, home of the brave.
1:41 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:42 Speaker 00 That's how I try to still live by it.
1:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:44 Speaker 00 You know what I'm saying?
1:45 Speaker 01 You're from New Orleans.
1:46 Speaker 00 From New Orleans, Louisiana.
1:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:48 Speaker 00 And just to, just to piggyback, just to backtrack to Alex one time. I just wanted to let the world know.
1:53 Speaker 01 Get him back in here, yeah.
1:54 Speaker 00 I just want to let the world know that Alex took me out one time. I went to Los Angeles and Alex took me out and he kept saying stuff like, "I'mma show you how a real man do things."
2:08 Speaker 00 As he walking like this with arching his back.
2:11 Speaker 01 Hey, girls.
2:12 Speaker 00 He held my hand the whole night.
2:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:15 Speaker 00 Bought me drinks and you know what, you know what I realized, I have not, you know, I was married for 20 years. And then I got divorced and then I kind of played a little bit, but I never really went on the gay scene. I kind of just met women, however, I met them grocery store, bank, whatever. And I went to the gay club with him and I really never really noticed how gay men just be being gay.
2:39 Speaker 01 What do you mean?
2:40 Speaker 00 Gay men is gay as fuck. He, they all just be dancing with each other, they just go home with each other. It is like such a fast connection.
2:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:49 Speaker 00 Alex was macking.
2:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, of course, he's gorgeous.
2:52 Speaker 00 I was like, Alex.
2:54 Speaker 01 Beautiful, charming.
2:55 Speaker 00 Everybody wanted him, they was just all over him and it was like, some guys confused me because they would be like the biggest thug of the thug. And Alex would just basically like top them.
3:07 Speaker 00 And I'd be at the bar like, what the fuck is going on in this club?
3:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
3:11 Speaker 00 It was insane because with girls, we're just so different, I didn't realize how different we were. It's just like, we go up, hi, how you doing, let's get to know each other, maybe we exchange numbers. We're not all over each other like that from person to person to person.
3:23 Speaker 01 Yeah.
3:24 Speaker 00 You know, it's very rare, I haven't had that many one night stands in my life, but I think gay men have a bunch.
3:29 Speaker 01 Oh, for sure.
3:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, we do, yeah, we do, yeah.
3:34 Speaker 00 I've had like maybe two or three.
3:36 Speaker 01 Really?
3:36 Speaker 00 Yeah.
3:37 Speaker 01 Because I kind of thought you were playing around a little more than that.
3:39 Speaker 00 Well, you know what, also, I'm a woman, so I mean, like, I am butch, but I like a little bit more of a deeper connection. You know what I'm saying, when I have sex, I'll be, I'll be for real.
3:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
3:49 Speaker 00 I can't give, I'll be in it, boy, I can't be for real with some random woman, you know? Like even if I get to know a woman for like a week or two and if I establish a nice, strong connection, she gonna get the business.
4:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, I know that's right.
4:02 Speaker 00 The business.
4:07 Speaker 01 You're gonna get the punky treatment, guaranteed, the punky guarantee.
4:10 Speaker 00 Listen, and I'll send you out with a little care package.
4:15 Speaker 01 I love that, I'm so happy to hear that for these girls.
4:18 Speaker 00 Hey, and you know, I'm a gentle woman too, so I'm very gentle and like, I could get crazy though. Don't, don't, like if we coming out, we had a nice, strong night and we all, you know, we all messed up from the alcohol and you want to get slotted out, I got something for that too.
4:38 Speaker 01 We'll be a gentlewoman, we'll slut you out.
4:40 Speaker 00 Hey, hey, hey, listen. Hey, I could wear, I could, I could wear basketball clothes and I could wear a suit. What's happening?
4:50 Speaker 01 A true verse. In that regard.
4:53 Speaker 00 Hell, yeah.
4:53 Speaker 01 That's so funny, dude. Uh, married for 20 years.
4:57 Speaker 00 I was, I was married for 20 years. I was. I, my, um, high school sweetheart, I, I met her when I was, I think, 15 years old. She was like 14. I, yeah, I think I was 16, whatever. It was a long time ago, it was like 30 years ago. 15, I don't know, I can't do numbers right now. I was drinking last night.
5:16 Speaker 01 Don't ask me to do math. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
5:18 Speaker 00 But it, we were, we were babies, known each other more than half our lives and we thought we were gonna be together forever. And then, you know, things change and tragic things happen and then one person can handle the tragedy and one person can't, so.
5:30 Speaker 01 Yeah.
5:30 Speaker 00 She spiraled out, got a little depressed, I was just like, and then started doing like crazy stuff and I'm just like, I can't help you no more.
5:37 Speaker 01 Are y'all friends now or no?
5:38 Speaker 00 We could try to be friends, but she is still mentally just, she just, she's just not mentally ready to. She's, she be inside, I don't think she's stepped out of her house in three years.
5:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
5:53 Speaker 00 Maybe to walk the dog that we have, but she's, she's a great dog mom, I trust her with the dog, she handles that.
5:59 Speaker 01 Marrying someone so young is such a big choice for such, like, y'all were kids when you got married, that's really crazy.
6:04 Speaker 00 You know what, we were, we didn't get married till maybe 12 years into it. So we were still very young. We were, yeah, we were very young when we got married.
6:12 Speaker 01 Still, that's crazy, yeah.
6:13 Speaker 00 Yeah, that was my baby, I loved her so much, I still love her.
6:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:16 Speaker 00 But it's, it's, it's, it's, it's further than I can reach, you know, so I'm just like, I gotta let it go.
6:22 Speaker 01 You gotta let it go sometimes.
6:23 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm over the love part, I'm over the being with her part, I'm over all of that shit. I just, I just, I, I want her to be well. Now, when we was getting divorced, I did not wish that bitch well.
6:36 Speaker 01 Did it get a little toxic?
6:38 Speaker 00 It was very, very toxic. You know, we got on drugs together, but the difference is I got off the drugs.
6:43 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:44 Speaker 00 I was just, you know, God gave me something very special and I appreciate him for it. He gave me a light switch.
6:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:49 Speaker 00 I can flip this. I could stop drinking when I feel like it. I could stop eating when I feel like it. I could, anything I need to do to get to where I need to be, I could just cut it off.
6:57 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:58 Speaker 00 So, we, we did drugs for a little bit. I saw my life wasn't going anywhere. I just overnight, just done. No more, no more coke.
7:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:06 Speaker 00 And then, but she didn't. So it just spiraled from there. I would come home, strangers in the house. I'd be like, who are all these niggas?
7:12 Speaker 01 Not the strangers.
7:13 Speaker 00 But it would be, I was like, it's, you know, cause crackheads, no crackheads.
7:17 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:17 Speaker 00 So I would be in the house with all these crackheads in the house. I'm like, who are these people?
7:21 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:21 Speaker 00 It just, it just got really, really bad. But for a crackhead, it's really fun.
7:25 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:26 Speaker 00 You know what I'm saying? I was like, I'm not doing it.
7:29 Speaker 01 These are people I met. This is a good time.
7:31 Speaker 00 I'm not having fun anymore.
7:32 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:33 Speaker 00 So, we just, you know what I'm saying? And she, and she know I love her. I'm not, you know, I, I be trying to tell people. They be like, you gotta stop putting her business out. I'm like, this is, I can tell my side of the story without insulting her or like, this is just my POV of what happened.
7:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, these are facts. These are facts of what transpired. You're not telling anything like deep, dark, intimate. You're just like, oh, this is our way. Yeah.
7:51 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah. I'll, I'll never try to hurt her like that. I hope she know that, so.
7:54 Speaker 01 Yeah. You think you'll ever get married again?
7:57 Speaker 00 You know what? I do not think I'll get married again.
8:00 Speaker 01 Hmm.
8:01 Speaker 00 But you know, but also, I stopped believing in love after I got married and I fell in love.
8:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
8:08 Speaker 00 And you just, you just never know. And, and the reason why I say that is because I'm very traumatized at how our divorce took place and how we was just so mean to each other. And, I mean, it was, it was just nonstop. I, I, we lost the friendship in the divorce and it was very hurtful. So I say that to say... I, I don't wanna break up. It's divorces are just so hard and it's so crazy that I'm skipping the marriage and the love part and jumping straight into I can't get married because of the divorce.
8:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
8:38 Speaker 00 But I'm, I'm still just pretty like, really still just dealing with the healing of that. So maybe once I come out on the other side, maybe I'll get married again.
8:45 Speaker 01 It's a big, huge thing.
8:46 Speaker 00 Yeah.
8:47 Speaker 01 So you, you grew up in New Orleans.
8:48 Speaker 00 Yeah.
8:49 Speaker 01 You went to high school in New Orleans, you went to college in New Orleans.
8:52 Speaker 00 I went to college an hour away.
8:53 Speaker 01 Tidbito?
8:54 Speaker 00 Tidbito, Louisiana.
8:55 Speaker 01 And you majored in general studies?
8:57 Speaker 00 I majored in physical education.
8:58 Speaker 01 Okay.
8:59 Speaker 00 Then, whenever you major in something where you have to work with students, they send you to, to the schools.
9:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
9:07 Speaker 00 To, uh, do internships.
9:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
9:09 Speaker 00 And when I tell you I went to a school and these children was bad.
9:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
9:16 Speaker 00 I'm talking first, soon as I walked up in there, they just circled me like they was, like I was just a piece of meat.
9:23 Speaker 00 And they, they clapped. I'll never forget it like it was yesterday. They was like, uh, fresh meat, fresh meat. And I'm young, I'm like 20 years old. I'm 20 years old, bitch, I'll fight you. I'll fight you right now.
9:34 Speaker 01 I'm basically y'all's age, we can fight, yeah.
9:35 Speaker 00 Cause I was like 16, I'm like, what's up, you know?
9:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
9:38 Speaker 00 And just like, it just went, and then like, they, they, they train you to be the teacher. So I had to handle all like the demerits and the behavior issues and how I would do this and A, B, C, D. And I remember talking to the pa- cause you know, the stu- the kids are gonna be the kids.
9:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
9:52 Speaker 00 You know, we can't, that's just how they gonna act. But it was for me, once I started talking to the parents, and one of the parents was like, oh, that's your problem? I say, change, I went straight and changed my, uh, major.
10:02 Speaker 01 To?
10:02 Speaker 00 I was like, general studies. I was like, it don't even make sense to even go through the obstacles it would take to become a, a teacher.
10:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
10:09 Speaker 00 I'm not taking the test, I'm not doing it. Cause if I go to one of these schools, I'm gonna lose my career.
10:15 Speaker 00 If the parents don't help, then.
10:17 Speaker 01 I'm not doing all that, yeah.
10:19 Speaker 00 So I'm like, changed general studies. I had all the credits, ended up graduating with the credits that I had. I ain't had to overwork over, I was good.
10:25 Speaker 01 Yeah. So what, when you got out of college, what was, what was the vibe? Where were you living? What were you doing for work?
10:31 Speaker 00 Um, got out of college, I tried to go to graduate school.
10:34 Speaker 01 Really?
10:35 Speaker 00 Don't, don't ask me why. I don't know where my brain was at that time, but I guess I was just in Thibodeaux and I didn't really know how to return back home.
10:42 Speaker 01 Yeah.
10:43 Speaker 00 And the woman who I married, we were together at the time and she was still in school. So I was like, I guess I'll just go to graduate school. I ain't got nothing else to do. Went, did that shit for one month, dropped everything. I was like, I ain't, I'm done. I ain't doing this shit no more. And then I worked at this place. Have y'all ever heard of this place called Schwann's?
11:01 Speaker 01 No.
11:03 Speaker 00 Yes.
11:04 Speaker 01 A delivery food?
11:05 Speaker 00 So wait, I worked at this place called Schwann's. I got like eight hundred dollars a week. I thought that was so much money. And I drove and delivered chicken, fucking ice cream and chicken.
11:17 Speaker 01 I would fucking love for you to show up at my door with ice cream. That would be the most important thing in the world to me.
11:23 Speaker 00 It was the, the truck is designed to be a refrigerator on one side and it's a freezer on the other. So I was out here selling Hungry Man meals and ice cream.
11:34 Speaker 00 Sauceberry steaks.
11:35 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:36 Speaker 00 Mint ice cream.
11:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:38 Speaker 00 Chicken, green beans, potatoes. I was out here doing that. But the, the thing, the problem was I had to travel to every single city. And not just Thibodeaux. So I had to go to Gray, Louisiana.
11:50 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:50 Speaker 00 Homer, Louisiana, uh Franklin, Louisiana.
11:53 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:54 Speaker 00 And it was just, I was just like, no, I'm not doing this.
11:56 Speaker 01 That is so interesting. Did you meet interesting people doing that or just kind of like whatever?
12:00 Speaker 00 I met a lot of interesting folks. It was, it was, um, it was, it's the country.
12:04 Speaker 01 Yeah.
12:04 Speaker 00 So you gonna meet some, alright, I'll get some, you gonna meet some crazy like hillbilly and Cajun motherfuckers out there, but it was, it was just not the job for me. Uh but I had a CDL, so.
12:14 Speaker 01 Ooh.
12:15 Speaker 00 You know, had a green license. That was fun.
12:17 Speaker 01 Yeah.
12:18 Speaker 00 But I had to quit that shit. And then I think a hurricane hit or something, like Hurricane Ida or something. And then we, and then our house was destroyed. So me and my wife at the time, uh, we had to move back home.
12:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
12:32 Speaker 00 And then when I got back home, I became a bartender at, uh, this place called The Daiquiri Shop.
12:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
12:37 Speaker 00 And that's when my life took off. And that's when I learned how to make drinks. I'm like, this way I belong, at the bar.
12:44 Speaker 00 The bar was, after college, I worked at a bar. I didn't even have to go to college. That was crazy, but it was good to do it because, you know, I was the first one in my immediate family. But like, worked at a bar, learned how to bartend, got fucked up at work. It was the perfect job for a New Orleans person to do. Out till 2:00 in the morning, and then you just wake up at 6:00 PM and start all over again.
13:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, hell yeah. And so you were, were you doing shows at the time?
13:09 Speaker 00 I was not, I was not. This was, I was, yeah, I was, this was like 2010.
13:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
13:13 Speaker 00 I didn't start comedy till 2011.
13:15 Speaker 01 Really? I didn't know that.
13:17 Speaker 00 My, me and my girlfriend, wife-girlfriend at the time, we broke up and I couldn't handle it. I couldn't, I was just like, I can't be in the same city with you. And that is what pushed me to go chase my dreams.
13:27 Speaker 01 Yeah.
13:27 Speaker 00 That's when I went to California.
13:29 Speaker 01 Now, I know that growing up, you were, uh, I know that you're a big Whoopi Goldberg fan.
13:33 Speaker 00 Yes.
13:33 Speaker 01 I feel like I remember you were like a Richard Pryor fan.
13:36 Speaker 00 Absolutely.
13:36 Speaker 01 Uh, Eddie Murphy was big for you as well.
13:38 Speaker 00 100, yeah.
13:39 Speaker 01 So at what point were, was punky in Louisiana, like, I need to try this? Like, what point did you know it and then, how long until you did it?
13:46 Speaker 00 Well, you know what, I knew it my entire life. Cause I went, the last thing I would watch before I went to sleep at night was Comic View.
13:51 Speaker 01 Yeah.
13:52 Speaker 00 Where you have like, when, that's when I met, uh, through the screen, D.L. Hughley.
13:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
13:57 Speaker 00 Montana, if you remember Montana. Um, uh, D.C. Curry.
14:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:03 Speaker 00 Cedric the Entertainer, Steve Harvey.
14:05 Speaker 01 Cedric, Cedric was a big one for me.
14:07 Speaker 00 Yeah, you know, uh, just, uh, D-Ray was popping on, just, we just met. I, I watched it every single night, I watched every rerun. And I was like, I'm gonna be a comedian.
14:17 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:17 Speaker 00 And then my mom cleaned the house with, you know how moms typically clean the house with music? My mom cleaned the house to the sounds of comedy.
14:25 Speaker 01 Wow.
14:26 Speaker 00 So I loved comedy, I knew I wanted to do it, but for me, I never really saw it. Cause I was just like, I'm just a small dyke in New Orleans, I'll never do it.
14:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:36 Speaker 00 But.
14:37 Speaker 01 Name of the special, by the way.
14:38 Speaker 00 I ended up doing it and it became the best move I ever did in my life.
14:42 Speaker 01 Well, it's you, I think it's what you're meant to do. I mean, you're so, you're such a natural at it.
14:46 Speaker 00 And then you had to learn how to do it. I had to fight for every single, that's, that's one thing about this business that I can truly attest to. I've had to fight tooth and nail for every single thing that I've gotten.
14:55 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:56 Speaker 00 Nobody gave my ass nothing. And I get it, you know, to know me is to love me. You know what I'm saying? But man, whoo, it's been a journey.
15:02 Speaker 01 Yeah. It's so interesting that your mom is such a huge comedy fan because I, I, I know that when you moved to New York to do SNL, she left, like, hid a bunch of letters in your luggage, right? Or something like that? Gave you some letters?
15:15 Speaker 00 Had me cry my ass off.
15:16 Speaker 01 And one of them said, you're, you're one step closer to paying me back for the life I gave you.
15:19 Speaker 00 Yeah.
15:22 Speaker 01 So she was really invested in the Punkie story.
15:25 Speaker 00 Yes. I have all of the letters that she gave me are kind of faded right now. I should have got them laminated. But I still have them all up on my bar and I'll read them sometimes. And I'll be, I still cry.
15:36 Speaker 01 Go get those laminated.
15:37 Speaker 00 I know.
15:38 Speaker 01 Please go get those protected.
15:39 Speaker 00 Yeah, I, I will, I will. They fading out, so I will.
15:42 Speaker 01 Yeah, get them protected. Those are so special.
15:43 Speaker 00 But that tramp dog, gonna tell me I owe her for life and all of that stuff.
15:48 Speaker 01 That's so funny.
15:50 Speaker 00 I'm sitting up there reading the letter, you know, all the, the whole, the whole first page is all, you know, emotional and inspirational and all that shit. And then I flip it over, yeah, but you owe me money with your bitch ass. I'm like, god damn.
16:01 Speaker 01 That's so funny.
16:02 Speaker 00 But that's our family dynamic, you know? We don't really like to do the, the, if we ever want to say something emotional, we have to write it down. We cannot talk to each other. We all weird. Like, if I talk to my brother and I be like, hey, bro, I just want to let you know I, I appreciate you. He gonna say, man, if you don't get the fuck with that bullshit.
16:21 Speaker 00 I don't know why we like that, but we just.
16:23 Speaker 01 Stop being gay, Punkie. Get the hell out of here.
16:27 Speaker 01 So, okay, so you're in, you're working at the bar in New Orleans. And then, do, when do you start, do you start comedy in New Orleans?
16:34 Speaker 00 No.
16:35 Speaker 01 LA?
16:36 Speaker 00 So, New Orleans is just like expanding, like now.
16:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
16:39 Speaker 00 Like, it's, the comedy scene is fantastic, people, the comics there, the local comics, they are really, really bringing it up.
16:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
16:45 Speaker 00 So, at the time, there was, there was, it was not, it was not a lot going on.
16:51 Speaker 01 Yeah.
16:51 Speaker 00 So, what I did was, when I moved to Los Angeles, he'll go to crazy board. What really helped me move to Los Angeles was why I fell, I fell in a hole.
17:01 Speaker 01 What?
17:02 Speaker 00 I fell down.
17:03 Speaker 01 No!
17:04 Speaker 00 I was walking down the street, and next thing I know, I was under fucking ground.
17:07 Speaker 01 What?
17:12 Speaker 01 Punkie, what?
17:14 Speaker 00 I don't know, they didn't have it sealed off, it was cement, it was wet pavement.
17:18 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:18 Speaker 00 And I fell in it, and then I was up to here.
17:21 Speaker 01 No.
17:22 Speaker 00 And so, I was laughing at myself without understanding the true danger that I was in.
17:27 Speaker 01 You were laughing in the hole?
17:28 Speaker 00 I was laughing in the hole, I was like, you big dumb bitch, how you fall in the hole? Meanwhile, I am going down, okay? I am going down.
17:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:40 Speaker 00 So, then I panicked.
17:41 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:42 Speaker 00 But while I'm trying to get out, I'm pulling every muscle in my, I don't understand how much I'm hurting myself.
17:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:49 Speaker 00 Trying to survive in this damn hole. And I get out, I go to like Walgreens to change my clothes, and then I just go back to work, I don't even, my adrenaline is going so much, I don't even understand that I fucked all my back, my neck up, my wrists, my arms, I messed everything up.
18:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
18:05 Speaker 00 And then I go home, and my mama like, what the hell happened to you? I was like, I fell in.
18:12 Speaker 01 I fell in a hole, goddamn.
18:14 Speaker 00 I'm like, I fell in a hole. She was like, Kevin, this girl, I'm fell in a goddamn hole. So, then my daddy come out, cause see, I just thought I was goofy.
18:21 Speaker 01 Yeah.
18:21 Speaker 00 They were pissed.
18:22 Speaker 01 Yeah.
18:23 Speaker 00 They was like, we're getting on the goddamn phone with the attorney, like, that was the first time I ever saw the white side of my parents.
18:28 Speaker 01 Yeah.
18:28 Speaker 00 We called our lawyer, I went to, I went, like, took care of it, I didn't know I had to go to the hospital, went to the hospital, all, all, I pulled all kinda shit, sprained my wrists.
18:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
18:39 Speaker 00 Had to, you know, had to do all kinda therapy, I think the lawyer got me like, I don't know, like 20 grand.
18:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
18:45 Speaker 00 And I took that money. And I went to, uh, Los Angeles with it, and that's how it all started.
18:50 Speaker 01 Thank God for the hole.
18:51 Speaker 00 Thank the, I know.
18:52 Speaker 01 Thank God for the hole.
18:53 Speaker 00 Thank God I survived the hole.
18:54 Speaker 01 Thank God you survived the hole. And thank God your mom was like, lawsuit. Immediately lawsuit. And then you moved to LA and got a job at the Comedy Store.
19:02 Speaker 00 I did.
19:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:03 Speaker 00 I did. And with that, this is what I learned in Los Angeles.
19:07 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:07 Speaker 00 Everything is like a roll call, okay?
19:12 Speaker 00 I went to a, a, a, uh,
19:16 Speaker 00 a job interview. And it was like an audition. So when I walked into the original room, first of all, I thought it was a comic book store.
19:22 Speaker 01 Right.
19:23 Speaker 00 That's what I thought.
19:23 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:24 Speaker 00 I was like, what the, I was like, a comic book star store hiring a cocktail waitress? This is gonna be interesting.
19:32 Speaker 00 So I go and, I'm from New Orleans. When we go get a job, we casket sharp, got a whole suit on.
19:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:39 Speaker 00 Hair was done, earrings on, like, they want cocktail, so I had to play the feminine role a little bit. I had makeup on, I had a briefcase, I was looking sharp.
19:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:46 Speaker 00 I get up in there, it's like seventy-five people.
19:48 Speaker 01 Yeah, of course.
19:49 Speaker 00 And they all look like this, us.
19:51 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:51 Speaker 00 Jeans on. I'm like, this ain't how you get no job. But that's when I told the universe and God, I'm like, if I get this job out of all these people, I'm gonna start comedy. Cause it was like, no way I'm gonna get this job.
20:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
20:01 Speaker 00 Too many people. Why would they pick me? Man, I got that job because the dude that hired me, he was gay.
20:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
20:07 Speaker 00 We bonded off queerness.
20:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
20:09 Speaker 00 And he loved New Orleans.
20:11 Speaker 01 Damn.
20:12 Speaker 00 We bonded so hard, and he gave me the job, and then I started doing comedy.
20:16 Speaker 01 Did you, when you met the guy, do you remember, did you tell him about the hole?
20:20 Speaker 00 No.
20:20 Speaker 01 Okay.
20:21 Speaker 00 No, I don't think I told him about the hole.
20:23 Speaker 01 Cause I was saying, I probably would've hired you if you're like, I fell in a hole and I used the lawsuit money to move here. I'd be like, damn, here's a job, yeah.
20:28 Speaker 00 I think, I think he asked me what I miss about New Orleans.
20:31 Speaker 01 Not the hole.
20:31 Speaker 00 And that's another reason why I got the job too, cause I was like, what I miss about New Orleans? He's like, yeah. I said, them good old ham hocks. He said, ham hocks? Would you make me a ham hock? I said, I'll make you a ham hock.
20:41 Speaker 01 Did you?
20:41 Speaker 00 Uh, no, I did not make him a ham hock.
20:44 Speaker 01 But we say what we have to say.
20:45 Speaker 00 Yeah, I would have, I would have. You know, I cook all the time. I don't care.
20:48 Speaker 01 Really?
20:48 Speaker 00 Yeah.
20:49 Speaker 01 You're a good cook?
20:49 Speaker 00 I'm a great cook.
20:50 Speaker 01 What's your, what do you make?
20:51 Speaker 00 You know, that's how I get the women.
20:53 Speaker 01 Yeah.
20:53 Speaker 00 Yeah.
20:54 Speaker 01 I don't think you, I don't see you having a problem getting women.
20:56 Speaker 00 It's like, it's like a thing of like, once, once you come to the house and I cook you a meal.
21:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
21:02 Speaker 00 I, it's a wrap. I don't know what, it's just a wrap.
21:05 Speaker 01 Come on.
21:05 Speaker 00 And then I make good New Orleans food too.
21:07 Speaker 01 Yeah.
21:07 Speaker 00 Stuff that people, a lot of, a lot of people have not had New Orleans food that I meet. You know, they're either from Cali or New York and they've never, New York food is fantastic.
21:17 Speaker 01 Yeah.
21:17 Speaker 00 You can't get, you gotta, you gotta get that roux. Once you get that roux and them girls taste that roux.
21:21 Speaker 01 You're making gumbo?
21:22 Speaker 00 They be like, what the, what is this?
21:24 Speaker 01 Yeah.
21:25 Speaker 00 And, ooh.
21:26 Speaker 01 You making crawfish etouffee?
21:27 Speaker 00 I'll make etouffee, I'll make shrimp Creole.
21:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, ooh.
21:30 Speaker 00 I'll make smothered chicken, smothered pork chop. I'll make some good gumbo. I just made, it's gumbo season right now.
21:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
21:37 Speaker 00 I'm about to probably fuck the kitchen up.
21:38 Speaker 01 Love gumbo. Gumbo is my favorite.
21:40 Speaker 00 Yeah.
21:41 Speaker 01 I need, honestly, invite me over when you make gumbo next, please.
21:44 Speaker 00 Oh, absolutely.
21:44 Speaker 01 I'll come, I'll make some cornbread and come over.
21:46 Speaker 00 Oh, don't, don't, don't, don't play with me.
21:48 Speaker 01 Let's go. What are we doing? Let's go. It's about to get cold too.
21:51 Speaker 00 Listen, my nipples get hard when I hear cornbread.
21:54 Speaker 00 I'll make some cornbread now.
21:55 Speaker 01 I'll bring some very good cornbread over.
21:57 Speaker 00 Hell, yeah.
21:58 Speaker 01 Let's go.
21:59 Speaker 00 I'll be, I'll be, man, like, I'll be, I'll be cooking.
22:01 Speaker 01 That sounds so good right now.
22:02 Speaker 00 I'll be cooking good, too.
22:04 Speaker 01 Now, okay, when you make gumbo, what all are you putting in it? Are we talking sausage, chicken, shrimp?
22:10 Speaker 00 I do sausage, chicken, shrimp, crab.
22:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, crab, okay.
22:14 Speaker 00 Uh, always crab.
22:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
22:16 Speaker 00 Blue crab preferably.
22:17 Speaker 01 Yeah.
22:17 Speaker 00 Sometimes you gotta get rock crab, cause sometimes the East Coast don't have blue crab.
22:21 Speaker 01 Yeah.
22:21 Speaker 00 Um, onions, garlic, bell pepper.
22:25 Speaker 01 Of course.
22:25 Speaker 00 Celery.
22:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, hoa trinale.
22:27 Speaker 00 Of course. I, sometimes I like to use ghee butter, depending on how healthy I'm trying to be. I'll use a little ghee, a little oil, make my, and flour, of course, to make my roux.
22:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, my mouth is watering.
22:36 Speaker 00 It's so, it'd be so good. And then you just store all that shit in the pot and you season it till it tastes good.
22:41 Speaker 01 Now, are you, okay, are you, when you're cooking for these women, are you pulling it out quick and early? Are you making them wait a little bit? How, how soon are you cooking a delicious meal for a woman?
22:50 Speaker 00 Um, I do not like people, strangers in my house. So I would have to date you at least two months before you come over.
22:58 Speaker 01 Wow.
22:59 Speaker 00 Yeah.
22:59 Speaker 01 You really are not like gay guys.
23:01 Speaker 00 I'm very, yeah. I'll come to your house.
23:04 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:04 Speaker 00 You know.
23:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:05 Speaker 00 Cause I don't, I don't like to be rude. So if you do come over and you don't get the signs that I want you to go, and I'll be like this.
23:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:13 Speaker 00 I need you to get the fuck out.
23:14 Speaker 01 This was so much fun.
23:15 Speaker 00 And when I go by somebody's house, I, I be out. We do what we gotta do and I'll leave expeditiously. So I'm not, you know, if you're not like my girlfriend, I don't, you know, I don't really see a reason for us to be like laid up under each other like that, but.
23:29 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:30 Speaker 00 But if I know you for like two months and I'm like feeling you, feeling you.
23:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:34 Speaker 00 I'mma throw down for you.
23:35 Speaker 01 Yeah, a good meal.
23:36 Speaker 00 Yeah, and then I'mma slut you out.
23:38 Speaker 01 I like that. The slut you out is really killing me.
23:41 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah. A good meal and a slut out.
23:43 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:44 Speaker 00 You know, you know, when a woman wake up on her stomach, arm falling off the bed, half the cover on.
23:50 Speaker 01 No, Bunky, I don't know.
23:54 Speaker 01 I've not seen a woman like that.
23:57 Speaker 01 I can promise you that.
23:58 Speaker 00 I'll be trying to knock them down, but.
24:03 Speaker 01 You know, I think we all have like legendary sets that we've seen, like legendary, like comics doing a set that's so legendary to us. Like, uh, the Bernie Mac set.
24:11 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah.
24:12 Speaker 01 I'm not scared of y'all. The, uh, for me, uh, Monique, Queens of Comedy set.
24:15 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah.
24:16 Speaker 01 Is a huge one. Uh, have you seen one of those in person, like a comic, even someone we're friends with? Have you seen a set that you're like, goddamn, this is legendary?
24:25 Speaker 00 Um, probably Dave, Dave Chappelle. You know who I like to, you know, cause since working at SNL, we get to see them in action, right?
24:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
24:34 Speaker 00 And then like a lot of comedians, a lot of hosts that come to the show.
24:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
24:38 Speaker 00 You, uh, the, the, the team, the writers are writing their monologues for them.
24:43 Speaker 01 Yeah.
24:43 Speaker 00 But the comedians that come, they perform, they write their own monologue.
24:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
24:47 Speaker 00 And if they need a little help with tagging, then they'll get the help. But I love to watch Bill Burr when he's on the show. I love to watch him in action. I love to watch Chris Rock on the show.
24:55 Speaker 01 Yeah.
24:55 Speaker 00 I like to watch them articulate their jokes. I love to watch the progress from it, from when they practicing on Friday. They go into it on Saturday. They do it for the, the run through and then they do it for the live. I like to watch. How it, the, the specific changes that they've made. Especially like Dave Chappelle, because sometimes Dave Chappelle, he's just so fast.
25:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:13 Speaker 00 He's so clever and he's so smart. That what he'll do is, he'll do a whole monologue, his, his, uh, performance for one show. And then a second show, you'd be like, that ain't what he did for the, for the run through.
25:26 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:26 Speaker 00 He'll do a whole different twenty-two minutes.
25:28 Speaker 01 He's prolific, yeah.
25:29 Speaker 00 It's supposed to be seven minutes.
25:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:31 Speaker 00 That bitch'll do twenty-two.
25:32 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:33 Speaker 00 But you're sitting up there and you're like, oh, man, he's a genius. But come on, man, I'm trying to be on TV. You know what I'm saying? Get your ass off the stage, motherfucker.
25:41 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:41 Speaker 00 But, yeah, I mean, I really enjoy, I really, really enjoy watching Chris Rock work.
25:48 Speaker 01 I mean, I do have an obvious question for you about Dave, which is like, he's, he's an undeniable legend.
25:53 Speaker 00 Absolutely.
25:54 Speaker 01 But he's spent so much of the last several years of his career really going in on this trans stuff.
25:58 Speaker 00 He did.
25:58 Speaker 01 What do you make of it? Like, how does that make you feel?
26:00 Speaker 00 We have several conversations about it. Number, number one thing about Dave, he's not anti-trans.
26:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
26:06 Speaker 00 He's just, he's, he's just a fucking idiot.
26:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
26:09 Speaker 00 He's just like, he's not anti-gay, he's not anti-trans, he's not like that. But the problem is, once he tell one joke and he get a rise out of people, he will continue to, to get that rise. He's like, he's like, uh, in, he's like rebellious in that way. You know what I'm saying? And you have those friendship conversations where you're like, come on, man, come on. Don't do another one, dog.
26:29 Speaker 01 I've had, I've had those with comics, yeah.
26:31 Speaker 00 He gonna, he gonna do what he wanna do, he, he, he fucking Dave. And it's just like, with, with him, if you know him and you know his heart, you wouldn't take offense to it. But in this climate, I could understand why it's received the way it's received. You know what I'm saying?
26:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, absolutely.
26:45 Speaker 00 So it's just like, on some, like, I went to a, like a trans party.
26:50 Speaker 01 Yeah.
26:51 Speaker 00 Why my dumb ass had a Dave Chappelle shirt on?
26:57 Speaker 00 I was like, Parker, what the fuck are you doing?
27:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
27:02 Speaker 00 Why did you pick this sweatshirt today?
27:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, there wasn't another sweatshirt.
27:07 Speaker 00 I wasn't even think, I'm just like, you stupid motherfucker.
27:12 Speaker 01 Yeah.
27:13 Speaker 00 I was like, God, please don't let these people realize what I got on.
27:19 Speaker 01 Yeah. And was it, did anyone say anything?
27:21 Speaker 00 No one said anything, but I felt just so uncomfortable. I was just like, I, I hope, you know, I'm an ally. I'm not, I, I, I was just so sorry.
27:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
27:32 Speaker 00 I didn't mean it.
27:33 Speaker 01 That's so funny to me.
27:35 Speaker 00 It was, it was, it was very innocent, but you know.
27:39 Speaker 01 Do you, when you were on the show, did you prefer having stand-ups on to watch that process? Or was it fun seeing like the famous people try and figure it out in a way that they'd never have to do? Like, what was more fun?
27:51 Speaker 00 With watching the host?
27:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, like in terms of hosts, did you prefer a comic? Or did you prefer like the actors? Like, what was more fun for you to watch?
27:58 Speaker 00 You know what? It's, it's, it's pretty split down the middle. It's pretty equal. I thoroughly enjoyed, why, because you know, everybody's process is very different.
28:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
28:06 Speaker 00 And you can watch some of the hosts who won't submit to the show. And they, you, they will specifically have a very hard time.
28:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
28:13 Speaker 00 Now, when you want, because that's a show that you have to submit to because they're gonna do it their way. They've been doing this for 51 seasons. You think it's your, no, but, but to take all that ego, you at SNL.
28:24 Speaker 01 Yeah.
28:24 Speaker 00 Drop it.
28:25 Speaker 01 Yeah.
28:25 Speaker 00 And, and then once people understand that and they submit, the show goes perfectly well. You know, so it's just, you know, SNL is, is, is a different machine. It's a monster and it, and it built itself and, and, and everybody, it's, it's a dance. You've been there. It's just like, everything is moving at one time. Everybody understands where everything needs to be. Everybody has the rhythm it takes to get the show done. Nobody's bumping into nothing. Nobody's messing up things. It's just like, these people have been working, you know, everybody's kind of sort of in a way married to each other because they're married to the game.
28:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
28:57 Speaker 00 So the way that it moves, just, just, just the choreography of it is, is, is just amazing. I can't believe it runs the way it runs. I'm more impressed with how it all runs and how they changed the sets and take them down in 30 seconds.
29:12 Speaker 01 The logistics and the staff and crew on that show are superheroes. I mean, it's crazy.
29:16 Speaker 00 Yeah.
29:16 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's really nuts.
29:17 Speaker 00 It's, yeah, yeah. I mean, you, there are some mistakes. I remember I ran in front of the camera one time.
29:21 Speaker 01 Oh.
29:22 Speaker 00 Whole head, live TV. See my whole, all of this, you see all of this in up, in my wig.
29:28 Speaker 01 Yeah.
29:29 Speaker 00 I was like, I'm so sorry, Lauren.
29:30 Speaker 01 Yeah. That's so funny.
29:33 Speaker 00 So, you know.
29:34 Speaker 01 Did you have any, uh, cause you made a couple of big moves now in your life. You went from Louisiana to LA, you went from LA to New York. Were there any like big culture shocks when you made those moves? Anything that was like?
29:42 Speaker 00 You know what? I'm glad you asked that. Okay, so I beef with a lot of gay people online.
29:49 Speaker 01 First of all, say that.
29:50 Speaker 00 Okay, I beef with so many gay people. And it's because, first of all, I'mma always talk shit.
29:57 Speaker 01 Yeah.
29:57 Speaker 00 That's just how I am. I talk shit about every single thing, every single, every, every person. And, and if, and if you watch the videos, you could see.
30:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:04 Speaker 00 That is out of love. It's, it's not like some hate slander bullshit.
30:09 Speaker 00 But what I realized when I moved, that gay people, it's all regional.
30:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:14 Speaker 00 Right? So when I talk shit online, it's because that's how I was born and raised, gay.
30:18 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:18 Speaker 00 So down in the south, like Texas, Alabama, Georgia, Arkansas, Florida, Louisiana. We have this thing of like, we kinda mirror the heterosexual relationship. So I can't be with no butch. Or that's, that shit is gay.
30:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:35 Speaker 00 It's gay. Can't be out here doing boy on boy, that's nasty.
30:43 Speaker 00 That shit is nasty, right? I come from, the way we were born and raised in a gay community as dykes.
30:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:50 Speaker 00 Right?
30:52 Speaker 00 The, the boys will be boys. If you play like the two ball, basketball, you are the boy. And you have to be the boy. You can't be coming out with your nails painted, doing all that gay shit.
31:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
31:02 Speaker 00 Okay? So then I moved to, uh, Los Angeles, and these gays just running amok.
31:09 Speaker 01 There's femme on femme action.
31:10 Speaker 00 Femme on femme, butch on butch. I'm like, what is this gay shit?
31:16 Speaker 00 This is stupid.
31:17 Speaker 01 Yeah, now I'm competing with the butches and the femmes for the femmes.
31:20 Speaker 00 What the fuck is going on?
31:22 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
31:22 Speaker 00 So that's when I started to, and also what it did was, that's when I started to soften up.
31:27 Speaker 01 Yeah.
31:27 Speaker 00 That's when I was like, oh, so I don't have to be this big butch man.
31:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
31:33 Speaker 00 That I was taught by whoever our gay commissioner was, you know? I don't even know, but I do realize that it's all different rules. And when I'm fighting with people on the internet, I'll be fighting with people because like I heard that they have this thing called, uh, dyke dickin' or something like that.
31:47 Speaker 01 Hmm.
31:47 Speaker 00 I forgot what it is, but it's butches having secret sex with men.
31:52 Speaker 01 Oh.
31:52 Speaker 00 And I got online and I was like, butches say it ain't so.
31:59 Speaker 00 Please tell me this is not a thing.
32:01 Speaker 01 I had a butch friend do this in college.
32:02 Speaker 00 You can't have sex with men.
32:04 Speaker 01 I know.
32:05 Speaker 00 And then like all, like the new school gays were like, you're starting to look more homophobic to us, more that you talk. And I'm just like, I don't give a fuck what I look like, bitch. That shit is nasty.
32:15 Speaker 01 Well, this is, I get dragged into some, some young internet queer discourse sometimes for things I say on here. And I'm like, there's a couple of things going on here. Number one, y'all spend most of your time online. I spend most of my time in the real world with real people. And so when I talk about people that are different from me, it's out of love for my friends, but y'all don't really have friends like that. No shade. And so y'all are, y'all are just hanging out on your little corners of the internet. And then that's one piece of it. And then the other piece is they're used to now, like a lot of people, they look up to the younger queers. They look up to these like very sanitized, like influencer types. And I'm like, I'm not an influencer, I'm a comic.
32:49 Speaker 00 Correct.
32:49 Speaker 01 I am a comedian. I like to make people laugh. I'm joking around, I'm finding the flaws, I'm making fun of, that's what we do.
32:55 Speaker 00 Right.
32:55 Speaker 01 And so I'm like, you, that's fine, I'm not for you then.
32:58 Speaker 00 Yeah.
32:59 Speaker 01 I don't have to be for you.
33:00 Speaker 00 Also, I don't have to be, you know, like I get into a lot of arguments with the gays because I'm like, I don't have to be with this gay agenda. I don't have to be with it. It doesn't make me less gay than you. I'm gay.
33:09 Speaker 01 You're not with the gay agenda?
33:10 Speaker 00 Motherfucker, I've been, I've been fighting longer than, I've been in this gay fight all my life.
33:15 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:15 Speaker 00 I'm gay as the fuck.
33:17 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:17 Speaker 00 And I'm with the gays.
33:18 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:19 Speaker 00 But I don't agree with a lot of things. Like I get in trouble a lot because I don't like to be called queer, but it's trauma for me because I went to a white White school when I was younger.
33:26 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:26 Speaker 00 And they teased me with queer.
33:28 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:29 Speaker 00 That's what I was called. I didn't go at the blacks, because at the black schools, they was called dykes. But nobody called me dyke at the white school.
33:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:36 Speaker 00 They teased me, called me creep, weird, queer.
33:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:39 Speaker 00 And I carried that with me and now all of a sudden queer is a good word. I'm like, no, I can't do queer.
33:45 Speaker 01 And you don't have to like.
33:46 Speaker 00 I haven't gotten over it.
33:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:47 Speaker 00 It's it's like, it's it's just like, no, so bitch fuck queer. And they're like, ah, yeah, yeah, you're against us. I'm like, no.
33:54 Speaker 01 I'm with you.
33:54 Speaker 00 My own story.
33:55 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:56 Speaker 00 So I always have to constantly just fight with that. And and and and sometimes I we we argue because I'm just like, why if you feel like I'm not a part of the gay agenda, whatever that is, the rules that the new gays have made.
34:07 Speaker 01 Yeah.
34:08 Speaker 00 If I disagree with one thing, then how am I cast out of the community? Because I don't agree with how this works or or what this is. I'm just like, no, it it if it's if it's supposed to be all inclusive.
34:19 Speaker 01 Yeah.
34:19 Speaker 00 If if that's what we're preaching, then that's what we should be, that that then we should lead example with that.
34:24 Speaker 01 Well, that's the other thing is like it or not, we're in community together. When they when they come around us up, we're all getting rounded up, whether, like the the the the young online queers that want to bitch with us about terminology or whatever. And I and I understand it because I'm partially in that. Like, I feel like I've kind of got a foot in both. I'm like, regardless, we're all it's it. This is the, this is the LGBTQIA plus plus plus whatever community. All of us are in this thing. And the only people I'm really not down with are the gay people that are like fuck trans people. Other than that.
34:51 Speaker 00 Oh, no, we can't say, we have to protect our trans people.
34:54 Speaker 01 That's what I'm saying.
34:54 Speaker 00 We have to protect them.
34:55 Speaker 01 That's not your thing. I don't care. We can disagree on pretty much anything with about about the labels and the language. You know what I mean?
35:02 Speaker 00 Right, right, right.
35:02 Speaker 01 But I don't like queer either. I'm a gay man.
35:04 Speaker 00 Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, I'm fine with being a dyke ass bitch.
35:10 Speaker 00 You know, and I'm just like, we just gonna keep queer? We ain't gonna change it or remix it?
35:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:15 Speaker 00 Just queer.
35:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:16 Speaker 00 Just gonna keep that dusty ass word. Just queer, no quigga, no quinsons. No cues. We just fucking still queers. Okay. Jesus Christ. Yeah, they used to play a game when I was in the fourth grade called smear the queer.
35:32 Speaker 01 Of course, yeah, we did too.
35:33 Speaker 00 And it it was, it was a tough, it was, it was just like, nah, I'm not fucking with it right now.
35:37 Speaker 01 I kind of liked that game though. I was like, you can go, y'all can touch me.
35:42 Speaker 01 You know what I mean? There, it was like, oh no. It was like, oh no, what if y'all all touch me?
35:51 Speaker 01 I didn't mind it, Punkie, I was cool with it.
35:52 Speaker 00 Okay.
35:53 Speaker 01 I liked, I was like, no worries, all the boys wanna jump on me, that's not a problem. I liked that.
35:58 Speaker 00 That was a problem, the boys wanted to smear me.
36:04 Speaker 01 Yeah, if the girls were smearing me, I'd be pissed.
36:06 Speaker 00 Exactly, if the girls would smear me, I probably would have been like, screw them, spit, nail me to the cross.
36:14 Speaker 01 Oh my god, that's so funny.
36:16 Speaker 00 It was just so weird, it was just like, I was like, nah, we're good, we're good.
36:19 Speaker 01 That is a cool shot.
36:20 Speaker 00 But yeah, like, I just always wanna get, like, whenever I do podcasts and get on any platform, I always wanna be very specific and heavily say, I love my gay people, I don't give a fuck if we disagree on this or that, I've been in this fight.
36:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, I love gay people so much.
36:34 Speaker 00 And we all got, Trump taking us all down and being a second now, so we might as well just love each other.
36:39 Speaker 01 Isn't it, isn't it fun when you, like, meeting a gay person is just like the fucking best? Like, when you find out someone's gay out in the world, I mean, like, an older gay person makes me wanna cry immediately.
36:47 Speaker 00 Oh yeah.
36:48 Speaker 01 I just wanna immediately sob, I see like a sixty-five-year-old gay man, I'm just like on the verge of tears.
36:52 Speaker 00 Sometimes, yeah, when I see like the older ones, I do be wanting to cry sometimes, cuz I can't even imagine.
36:57 Speaker 01 I know.
36:57 Speaker 00 The barriers they had to break to just be themselves finally.
37:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
37:00 Speaker 00 You know, and now it looks like it's going backwards, it's so fucking weird. But anyway, yes, yes, you down with GAY?
37:09 Speaker 01 So, what have you been up to, what's, what's on your mind, what are you looking forward to, what's making you happy right now?
37:14 Speaker 00 You know what?
37:16 Speaker 00 When I left SNL, I was, I, I, I don't wanna say I was distraught, I was just lost.
37:22 Speaker 01 Yeah.
37:23 Speaker 00 You know, cuz I started as just a comedian, I had no intentions on going to a show like SNL because I was very brash, blunt, and a person like that doesn't belong on network television.
37:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
37:34 Speaker 00 So they, so they said. And so, when I got the opportunity to do it, I was very shocked, and I nailed the audition, which I sent in some ghetto ass shit.
37:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
37:45 Speaker 00 And they loved it, because it was different. And then they, I got a callback, I was like, okay, so I doubled up on my characters, and then I got the job. Now, I went, with that being said, I went from just being this comedian who was just out, just having a good time, and thought that that's what I was gonna do for the rest of my life, to the biggest sketch show in the world.
38:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
38:07 Speaker 00 Overnight, right?
38:10 Speaker 00 And then you do it for four years and you're like, okay, this is my life now. And then you just stop.
38:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
38:15 Speaker 00 And then everybody is like, can't wait to see the next big thing. And now you, now you sweating and you got all this shit like, fuck, well, what's the next big thing? I don't know. I didn't have a plan. And so for a minute, I was very stressed. I went down into a dark hole. I stopped talking to a lot of people. And it wasn't out of like spite or I hate you. It was just that I, I was just mean. And I just needed to keep all that negative energy to myself. And so what happened was I just was like, God, just help me. Send me a sign like, what am I supposed to be doing? Cause I don't want to do the next big thing. I don't want to do the next thing that, that, that is meant for me to walk in my purpose, right?
38:56 Speaker 00 So one day I woke up and the Lord said, we don't have butch representation.
39:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
39:03 Speaker 00 We ain't got none.
39:04 Speaker 01 Yeah.
39:04 Speaker 00 We got, we, you know, we need somebody out here that's representing for the big dyke butches who are okay with being masculine and putting out that tough shit. Because the world don't want tough, if you pay attention. Like if, if we, if you watch anything on television, you don't really see the tough, tough butches.
39:21 Speaker 01 Yeah.
39:21 Speaker 00 Everybody's kind of got that soft, you know, like we have to keep it soft for television. Now fuck that. Even with the L word, you ain't seen like no real butches, you know? You saw like some masculine women, but you ain't see like no real niggas, you know what I'm saying?
39:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
39:35 Speaker 00 So I was like, I'm about to get out here and I'm about to start representing for my masculine women. And I ain't gonna be scared to do it. And I'm not gonna be scared that TV not gonna want to pick me up because I'm too brash or I'm too tough, you know? And so I remember when I did my special like two months ago.
39:50 Speaker 01 Congratulations, brother.
39:50 Speaker 00 Thank you. Thank you. So many masculine women, so many butches came up to me and was like, I fucking feel seen, punky.
39:58 Speaker 01 Yeah.
39:59 Speaker 00 I see, I feel seen. Cause I be like, I be on TV doing all that shit. I be like, what a butcher.
40:08 Speaker 00 I be doing all that shit and all the butches be in the back like.
40:12 Speaker 01 Like there's a fucking mailman in the neighborhood.
40:17 Speaker 00 So it's just like, I wanna do that. And you know what else I did? Because I was just like, I needed like, direction. I did something that black people do not do. I went to the jungle. And I did the strongest strand of DMT.
40:30 Speaker 01 Really?
40:31 Speaker 00 Yes.
40:31 Speaker 01 That's the death drug, right? The, it simulates the death reaction in your brain? Is that what I'm thinking of?
40:35 Speaker 00 I did Bufo.
40:36 Speaker 01 Whoa.
40:37 Speaker 00 The toad.
40:37 Speaker 01 Whoa.
40:38 Speaker 00 And the one that Mike Tyson did, the one that Joe Rogan talks about doing too. I did that and it changed my entire life.
40:45 Speaker 01 Wow, that's so interesting.
40:46 Speaker 00 That's what I, I didn't know it would change, like, ever since I did that. It's like something shifted in my brain. I became like this person of just like, well, it's gonna be what it's gonna be. What's the worst that could happen? We either gonna be laid or we not gonna make it. What's the consequence? Not much. Like, nothing really truly matters.
41:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
41:07 Speaker 00 Alright, I got a job. Well, I guess I gotta come back home, ma. You know what I mean? Like, what's the worst that can happen?
41:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
41:12 Speaker 00 So, on, once I just started living like, living just kinda with that mindset, everything just shifted in my entire universe. Like, I was able to shoot my special, you know, I booked a really great job, like,
41:26 Speaker 00 just like everything, you know, I, I submitted my documentary to Sundance. It's like, like, everything just started going up because my mindset just happened to change. And it just makes you realize that life is precious and I wanna enjoy every single moment of it. And I don't really want, I, granted, there will be things that stress you out. It's just not gonna be a perfect, you know, it's not gonna be perfect, but I've, I've just been happy ever since I've done it.
41:50 Speaker 01 Yeah. So you went, where'd you go to do DMT? Where's this at?
41:53 Speaker 00 Uh, went to Mexico with a really, uh, uh, with some really, really great friends. And the experience itself is very scary. It's, I just wanna let anyone know, if you're thinking about doing it, it's so scary. You go away. That's all I can tell you.
42:10 Speaker 01 From your body consciousness?
42:11 Speaker 00 You go away.
42:12 Speaker 01 Yeah.
42:13 Speaker 00 It's, it's, it's, it's, it's very hard to explain. Um, you go away.
42:20 Speaker 01 It's getting scarier the more you say it.
42:22 Speaker 00 You go away.
42:24 Speaker 01 Yeah.
42:24 Speaker 00 It's like your brain, it takes you to all these, it's like the experience itself is like, it's seven minutes. I remember I woke up in it, but I couldn't hear anything, but I could see. And my spiritual guide, I remember just dancing with her. And it was almost like I was floating on clouds. It was just such a surreal experience. And I felt like I was with an angel. And then like she like laid me down and then I just started experiencing all these things. And you go through all of these emotions. It's like whatever you've been running from, it meets you head on. And you have to take care of it.
43:02 Speaker 01 What met you?
43:03 Speaker 00 Just like.
43:05 Speaker 01 Or we don't have to.
43:05 Speaker 00 Forget, no, it's just like, here go, here go, here go the thing. So before you do it, they give you a prayer to read. And she stands in front of you and she holds this prayer.
43:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:14 Speaker 00 And I couldn't get past the third sentence. I was, this woman, no one has seen me cry like this besides my mother. I cried the ugliest. I'm talking about all the deep, I cried.
43:28 Speaker 01 Snot.
43:29 Speaker 00 Filthy, ugly cry.
43:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:31 Speaker 00 I could not get past and I forgive myself. I couldn't, I was like enough.
43:39 Speaker 00 I was doing all.
43:43 Speaker 00 I was doing all this, I was just like, I could not get past that.
43:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:47 Speaker 00 And in the moment, I was like, damn, I must have done some crazy shit, you know? So when I went in under the bufo, I just asked for forgiveness for all the things that I've done.
43:59 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:00 Speaker 00 And just like, and I forgave myself for like, cause you know, I felt really bad for leaving my wife in the state that she was in. But I had to do that for me, but that still doesn't take away the guilt.
44:10 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:11 Speaker 00 So it's just like, and then just a lot of other stuff happened and blah, blah, blah. So I had to forgive myself for a lot of the things that I felt very, very guilty for, even though it probably may or may, may or may not have been my fault.
44:24 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:25 Speaker 00 And then you just do it. And I spoke with my grandmother. Um, I spoke with my, the one, my ex who I have right now, I spoke to her mom.
44:34 Speaker 01 Hmm.
44:34 Speaker 00 And apologized to her about things that me and, the fights that me and her daughter have had and I promised to do better. And just like, just like all kinds of stuff.
44:42 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:43 Speaker 00 But it was a very, it was a grand spiritual. It was a strong, intense spiritual experience.
44:50 Speaker 00 And you're fine for a day or two. Now, what happens is, the next two weeks.
44:55 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:55 Speaker 00 You, your body is integrating back into its human form.
45:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
45:01 Speaker 00 Which sounds crazy, because when they were telling me that that was gonna happen, I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fine, I'm me. But you're not you. You, you, you're, your brain has shifted. So for the next like two weeks, my anxiety was at all time high. I thought I was gonna die for two weeks.
45:15 Speaker 01 Really?
45:15 Speaker 00 Yes.
45:16 Speaker 01 See, I don't know anything about these drugs. This is all like learning for me.
45:19 Speaker 00 But all the reason why I thought I was gonna die for two weeks was because my anxiety consumed my, I could not breathe. You know, I had to like, put water in my face and run up and down the hallway and I was just doing this and just trying to snap myself out of it. But what it does is, it forces you to attack all of your challenges and all of your trauma and everything that triggers you. It forces you to fucking deal with it, because it's not gonna go away until you sit the fuck down, get your journal and say, why am I acting like this? What am I afraid of? Wh- wh- wh- how am I, like, what, what exactly is triggering the anxiety?
45:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
45:53 Speaker 00 And so I start writing shit down, writing shit down, writing shit down. And then once I got to it and started working through it, that anxiety just started slowly falling off. But that was me dealing with my issues.
46:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:03 Speaker 00 You know what I'm saying? So.
46:04 Speaker 01 I do, yeah.
46:04 Speaker 00 Now I'm just trying to deal with my issues head on. And a lot of it was fear, you know, because I left SNL and then I was afraid to take it to the next step. Which is crazy, because why are you afraid to take it to the next step when you just left the biggest stage in comedy sketch history?
46:19 Speaker 01 This is the point. Next step is always the point, yeah.
46:21 Speaker 00 Exactly. So, I just had to snap out of a lot of things and, and uh, and it was just like that imposter syndrome and that, what if I'm not good enough? And that, was I supposed to be on SNL? And it was just, it was a lot of things that was just, I was really struggling with like. Just my self-esteem. So I did a lot of self-reflection. I did a lot of prayer. I did a lot of meditation. And it was, it took a lot of work. And I'm still working. But I, I came out on the other side and I just got to work. I called my acting coach. I'm like, it's time to get fucking busy. Even though I was working with my acting coach when I had an audition. Now I'm like, nah, we need to get on. We need to go every week. I need scripts. I need to get into this study. I need to understand what the writer talking about. Why is this bull? Why is this dash here?
47:04 Speaker 00 I, I just started like really, really getting into script. Script and scene study. And, and here we are.
47:10 Speaker 01 Yeah. Well, we ask people on this show every, every episode, what's so true to you? Is there something that's so true to you right now, Bunky?
47:18 Speaker 00 You know what?
47:21 Speaker 00 I think what's true to me is I watch a lot of like therapy, uh, videos online.
47:34 Speaker 00 And I, I watch this, what people say what love is.
47:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
47:39 Speaker 00 And when I watch certain things and how certain people touch each other and love each other and be with each other. I, I look at it and I'll be like, I don't know if I ever felt like that in my entire life.
47:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
47:49 Speaker 00 I think I've gotten close. I think I loved my wife. I did love my wife. We were together since we were kids. But to love her in that capacity, I don't know if we ever made it there.
47:58 Speaker 01 Yeah.
47:59 Speaker 00 And I, I, I want true love. I want to experience that. I want to cry when I look at my bitch.
48:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
48:07 Speaker 00 You know what I'm saying? I don't know if I've ever made it there. I don't know if my heart was pure enough to do it. But now I'm like actively working on myself and I'm looking for it inside of me.
48:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
48:16 Speaker 00 So that I can do it to whoever I'm with later.
48:19 Speaker 01 I think it's all there for you. I think it's gonna happen.
48:21 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah. I want to be, I want to be like, you changed my life. I want to say, you know.
48:29 Speaker 00 You add so much value. I just wanna be shitfaced crying and I just, I just wanna find the love of my life. I know she's out there and I'm a fucking catch. I can't believe this bitch let me go.
48:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, I can't either. You're a huge catch.
48:40 Speaker 00 I have my little issues. Don't get it twisted. We all do. But I'm a goddamn catch.
48:45 Speaker 01 Punkie, not for nothing, a lot of lesbians watch this show.
48:47 Speaker 00 Great.
48:48 Speaker 01 So I am, right now, the hope in my heart is that maybe you coming on so true plays a little role. Maybe they reach out. Maybe you end up with somebody from, I mean, that would mean the world to me.
48:57 Speaker 00 DM me, baby. I need you to be like 5'1", 5'2".
49:01 Speaker 01 Say it.
49:01 Speaker 00 I need you to be like a Felicia Rashad, kinda pencil skirt-y.
49:05 Speaker 01 Tell them.
49:05 Speaker 00 You know, and you gotta be able to put me in my place without saying nothing.
49:08 Speaker 01 Tell, okay.
49:09 Speaker 00 I want you to look at me and do this and I'm gonna be like, yes, ma'am.
49:13 Speaker 00 I wanna be, that's the great thing. I wanna be bossed around, but I don't wanna be controlled. There's a diff, there's a, there's a difference. I just want somebody who kinda know, I wanna be able to go to my woman and ask for advice and she can give it to me.
49:25 Speaker 01 Yeah.
49:25 Speaker 00 I don't wanna be the first, like, a lot of my relationships, like, the last relationship I was in, the relationship with my wife, I found myself being on both sides of the gender roles and sometimes that could get annoying. It's like, damn, I gotta go to work. I gotta come home. I gotta cook. I gotta clean. I gotta do laundry. It's like, damn. I don't wanna do everything all the time. I don't mind. I will. It was like, come on, baby. Help me out. You know what I'm saying?
49:42 Speaker 01 Yeah.
49:43 Speaker 00 So it's just like, you can't smoke no cigarettes.
49:46 Speaker 01 Mark that off.
49:46 Speaker 00 You can smoke weed.
49:47 Speaker 01 Of course.
49:48 Speaker 00 I gotta do weed, but you can't smoke no cigarettes. And you gotta drink a little bit and have some fun.
49:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
49:53 Speaker 00 You know?
49:54 Speaker 01 I love that. 5'1", 5'2", Felicia Rashad, pencil skirt.
49:58 Speaker 00 And if you could, if you could be bilingual, that'd be nice too, cuz you could teach me a thing or two.
50:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
50:02 Speaker 00 And I love a woman who just like on top me, riding me, and she be like.
50:08 Speaker 01 What accent was that? Just let me know.
50:09 Speaker 00 I don't know what it was. Whatever that was. Better than that. When a woman do that to me and grab my face, I be like. Eh, bustin' a nut.
50:21 Speaker 01 Punkie, I'm dead. Hey, we have a game for you. Yes. All right, this is the true or false segment. We play this with every guest. I'm gonna read you 15 statements. Okay. You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false. Okay. And if you get 10 or more correct, Punkie, we're gonna give you 50 US dollars. Okay. All right, let's lock in. You ready? Yes. All right. Squids have three hearts. True. True. In Italy, it is illegal to build a house without a bidet. Wait, say it again? In Italy, it's illegal to build a house without a bidet. False. True. Damn. The Mall of America is in Columbus, Ohio. False. False. It's Bloomington, Minnesota. Nickel State University's band is the Nichols Corps. False. False, it's the pride of Nichols. Potatoes were the first vegetables grown in space.
51:07 Speaker 01 False. True. Damn. Shaq only hit one three-point shot in his entire NBA career.
51:14 Speaker 01 True. True. Japan is made up of over 14,000 islands.
51:20 Speaker 01 True. True. The New Orleans Saints were originally the New Orleans Pythons. False. That is false. The summer solstice is the longest day of the year. The who?
51:30 Speaker 01 The summer solstice is the longest day of the year.
51:36 Speaker 01 False. True. Damn. Honey expires exactly one month after being harvested. True. False, it never expires. Damn, fuck. Thriller was the first video aired on MTV. Say it again. Thriller, Michael Jackson's Thriller was the first video aired on MTV. It's false. False, it was video killed the radio star. The Treaty of Paris ended the American Revolutionary War.
51:58 Speaker 01 God, these fucking history questions. The Treaty of Paris ended who? The American Revolutionary War. False? True. Fuck! I wanna commend you, though, you're going quick, okay? The Ron Eagle is a real bird. False. False. Africa is the only continent that's in all four hemispheres on Earth.
52:18 Speaker 01 Repeat it. Africa is the only continent that is in all four hemispheres on Earth. That's false. It's true. Rihanna has won nine Grammy Awards.
52:28 Speaker 01 Pop? Oh, God. She's won nine?
52:34 Speaker 01 Rihanna, talk to me, bitch.
52:39 Speaker 00 True.
52:40 Speaker 01 It is. True. How'd you do? Nine. Damn! Punkie! As many Grammys as Rihanna. Yeah. You know what, though? I will say you might be our most locked-in guest on The True or False. You got locked in. I was really good.
52:53 Speaker 00 Hey, hey, hey, don't threaten me with a good time. I love to compete.
52:56 Speaker 01 I was very... You did a killer job. Punkie, it was such a treat to have you. Will you tell people where they can find you?
53:01 Speaker 00 Yes. Also, it was a treat to be here. Thank you so much.
53:04 Speaker 01 Thanks for doing it, dude.
53:04 Speaker 00 I really appreciate you. I love you so much.
53:06 Speaker 01 Love you. It's great to have you.
53:06 Speaker 00 Um, y'all can find me at Punkie Johnson on everything. P-U-N-K-I-E Johnson. And follow me. I'll be doing a whole bunch of stuff.
53:14 Speaker 01 Yeah. I know that's right. You absolutely will. I can't wait for people to find out what you're up to.
53:18 Speaker 00 I can't either.
53:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's gonna be fun.
53:20 Speaker 00 God has blessed me, people. And I can't wait for y'all to see my work. I'm excited about it.
53:24 Speaker 01 Same. I can't wait to see it. Thank you for doing it, dude.
53:26 Speaker 00 Absolutely, baby.
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