Jake Cornell Loves Being a Regular

Welcome! This week’s guest is the hilarious Jake Cornell! Jake and Caleb talk childhood bullying, the musical stylings of the band Hinder, career trajectories, a certain new catch phrase that may or may not become a new piece of merch, the GAP, and much more! Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Jake! @jakewcornell Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Watch our very special and spooky Halloween episode live from Disneyland here: https://youtu.be/vAFt7AnJoGg?si=qsWviDggHVKitlBu and be sure to check out Halloween Time at the Disneyland Resort until October 31! https://Disneyland.com/SoTrueHalloween2026 #disneyland #disneyparks Go to https://www.squarespace.com/SOTRUE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code SOTRUE. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at https://RocketMoney.com/SOTRUE Rula patients typically pay $15 per session when using insurance. Head to https://RULA.com to find a therapist the easy way. Right now, buy one pair of glasses and get 20% off any additional pairs at https://WarbyParker.com/SOTRUE #WarbyParker #ad Go to https://skechers.com to shop all the Skechers Hands Free Slip-ins Styles Shop now at https://Fabletics.com/sotrue to get 70-80% percent off everything when you sign up as a new VIP So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Anna Weis. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. A Wave series. https://wavesportsandentertainment.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:59Speaker 02

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• 1:01Speaker 03

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• 1:18Speaker 04

  Wave.

• 1:21Speaker 04

  I'm sorry, if you grew up in the Northeast, like you are getting flamed by your family at all times. Like in New England, like especially, I don't know, coming from Rhode Island, like I had no sense of like fashion growing up. Because if you wore like a funny shirt, they'd be like, whoa, Liberace coming down the stairs.

• 1:38Speaker 04

  You couldn't do anything.

• 1:43Speaker 05

  Missouri Republicans are trying to ban abortion again. If you vote in Missouri like I do, I hope that you will join me in voting no on three to stop the abortion ban. I hope that you will share about it. I hope that you will knock on your neighbors' doors. If you have money to donate to the campaign, I hope that you will donate some. Please, please, please do not take for granted how important this is. I know that you're exhausted. We all are. The reason Missouri voters are particularly exhausted is because a couple of years ago, Missouri Republicans enacted the strictest abortion ban in the country. And then Missouri voters put it up for a vote and said, no, thanks, and voted it down. Which is extremely cool and makes sense. Abortion bans are an extremely unpopular policy.

• 2:25Speaker 05

  It makes you wonder how these Republicans continue to get elected since it's their only fucking idea, apparently. And now, just two years later, the amendment is back. But this time, because the Republicans couldn't win on the issue of abortion and know that they can't win, they have wrapped up this amendment in a bunch of very dishonest language about transitioning minors' genders. So of course, it's an anti-trans thing once again.

• 2:51Speaker 05

  They think you're fucking stupid. They don't respect your vote. They don't care about women. They don't care that women will die because of this, if it passes.

• 3:03Speaker 05

  I don't want to go on a big, long rant, but abortion bans don't stop abortions. Even if you disagree with them. They only stop access to safe abortions and healthcare. And I think it is extremely telling that the Republicans in Missouri have to wrap this whole conversation up in an anti-trans bias in order to get you to try and vote for their thing, to trick you into it. I think we should really think about that and probably stop electing these people.

• 3:38Speaker 04

  Are you musical? Like, can you like write music or play an instrument?

• 3:43Speaker 04

  I'm already stepping in it. What are we, 90 seconds in?

• 3:44Speaker 06

  No, um, no, I can't, Jake, but I think someday, who knows?

• 3:49Speaker 04

  There's an album in you?

• 3:51Speaker 06

  There's, um, there's a song within me.

• 3:53Speaker 04

  I mean, I saw, I saw the karaoke.

• 3:56Speaker 06

  You know, what did I do that night? What did you do that night?

• 3:59Speaker 04

  I did Bent by Matchbox Twenty.

• 4:01Speaker 06

  Fucking, thank you for doing Matchbox Twenty, by the way.

• 4:03Speaker 04

  I'm, yeah.

• 4:04Speaker 06

  I actually do remember that. Now, do I necessarily fully support you picking Bent from their catalog? I don't know. I love Bent and you love Bent.

• 4:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:13Speaker 06

  Did the room know Bent?

• 4:14Speaker 04

  No, so the room, I'm gonna say this.

• 4:19Speaker 04

  I was doing this thing where I was going, because people were asking, like every, every friend of mine in that room was like, have you put a song in, have you put a song in? And I was like, I was like, not yet, not yet, not yet. So when I did put a song in, I went up to each of those people to temperature check. I put in Bent by Matchbox Twenty. And they were like, love, Matchbox Twenty. In a way where I was like, I don't think it's gonna rip in the way that it did. Um, and there is, and the other thing is I forgot that there's a, there's a 65-second instrumental interlude where I just had to dance.

• 4:48Speaker 06

  You said, I'm doing Bent by Matchbox Twenty, and they're like, hmm, not unwell?

• 4:50Speaker 04

  Not, yeah. Well, that's sad. That's the thing is like, you gotta, and then it's like, if I'm gonna do Up, it would be like Disease, but no one knows that, it's on a later album.

• 4:58Speaker 06

  Right.

• 4:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, so I kind of, I maybe should have just moved on.

• 5:01Speaker 06

  Look, Matchbox Twenty was an incredibly inspired choice, and you found a fan in me.

• 5:05Speaker 04

  Yes, I will say, the thing that I was, that karaoke brought to me that night was, I do now think Lips of an Angel by Hinder is one of the greatest songs ever written.

• 5:14Speaker 06

  Lips of an Angel is an incredible song, and I don't know if I've told this on this podcast before, but I have an extremely personal story with it.

• 5:19Speaker 04

  Do you?

• 5:19Speaker 06

  Which is that when I was 18 years old, maybe, no, I guess I would have had to be 18. A bunch of us had turned 18 in like my senior year of high school. I live an hour and a half away from Kansas City. There is a strip club in Kansas City called Totally Nude that is downtown. And my friends and I, my little straight boyfriends, and like two of their girlfriends were like, let's drive to the city and go to the strip club. And I was like, oh my God, yeah.

• 5:44Speaker 06

  Like, let's go. So we like piled into someone's car and drove like six of us to the strip club. And we went in there so scared, not sure if we were gonna get in. Like, everyone was trying to be cool, but it was clearly like, we're children.

• 5:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:56Speaker 06

  And we got in there and it was really, really, really tough. And I can't remember if it was Wade, my friend Wade, or my friend Chase. This is of course rural Missouri, so people are named like that.

• 6:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, totally.

• 6:07Speaker 06

  And, uh, it was so, of course, I befriended one of the girls.

• 6:12Speaker 04

  Both verbs.

• 6:16Speaker 06

  I befriended one of the girls, we were chatting on the side, we're talking about her life. And of course, it was a bit of a tale, you know, she's been through some stuff. So we're really getting into it. Her name, I really, it was either Cherry or Candy, and I know that it was one of them, and I can't remember which. And she was from Iowa. And she was like, I came down here to dance. And I was like, for sure, girl. Like, we were really getting into it. And then she asked me if I wanted to dance at one point, and I was like, I don't have a lot of money and I don't want to like rip you off. And also, I'm not, I'm okay.

• 6:42Speaker 04

  Out at this time or no?

• 6:43Speaker 06

  Me, no, not, I was out to a couple, I was out to maybe two of the friends that we were with.

• 6:48Speaker 04

  I bet Cherry would have taken it in.

• 6:49Speaker 06

  I guarantee you, when I said, I'm okay, she was like, okay, baby.

• 6:56Speaker 06

  She was like, that sounds good, honey.

• 6:59Speaker 06

  After being there for like an hour, it was not a fun vibe, it was very sad vibes. And I was like, I was like, I swear to God, they're gonna play Lips of an Angel soon. Like, I'm just getting a premonition, and if they do, we have to leave. I shit you not. Two songs later, the lights turn blue. A heavyset girl walks out on stage and Lips of an Angel comes on. And she, first of all, looked good as fuck.

• 7:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:21Speaker 06

  But second of all, it's a sad song to do at the strip club. And as soon as she started working the pole, I said, we gotta go.

• 7:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's a, I'm glad we were able to reclaim.

• 7:29Speaker 06

  It was so bad.

• 7:31Speaker 04

  It was crazy.

• 7:32Speaker 06

  It was crazy.

• 7:39Speaker 06

  I remember she was wearing these tall, black heels. She had her tits out, but she had panties on.

• 7:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's like.

• 7:45Speaker 06

  She was thick, too.

• 7:46Speaker 04

  No.

• 7:46Speaker 06

  Big girl.

• 7:47Speaker 04

  There's like a Lips joke I don't want, there's like a Lips joke I don't want to make here, but like.

• 7:52Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:53Speaker 04

  There's just like a lot happening. It's also just like, it's also like funny because it's like, it's really good to hear your voice. It's like, the one thing as a stripper you would kind of are not allowed to do is talk. It's just like sad.

• 8:03Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 8:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:03Speaker 06

  My girl's in the next room. Sometimes I wish she was you. It's like, we gotta fucking go, guys.

• 8:12Speaker 04

  Oh my God.

• 8:14Speaker 06

  It was awesome. And so now, every time I hear Lips of an Angel, I think of those girls.

• 8:19Speaker 04

  Your girls back at the strip club.

• 8:20Speaker 06

  My girls, those are my girls.

• 8:21Speaker 04

  What was it called, Totally Nude?

• 8:23Speaker 06

  Totally Nude.

• 8:23Speaker 04

  Totally Nude.

• 8:24Speaker 06

  Totally Nude, still there.

• 8:25Speaker 04

  I love that.

• 8:26Speaker 06

  And I've slowly met other, like as I meet people in Kansas City, the older I get, uh, a lot of the men that I meet, well, they have a Totally Nude story that's very formative to them, of course.

• 8:35Speaker 04

  Totally. I've only been to, I've only been to a straight strip club once.

• 8:39Speaker 06

  Wow. How was it?

• 8:41Speaker 04

  It was, um, it was, uh, it was carpeted, I will tell you that.

• 8:44Speaker 06

  Yeah, of course, I'll start there.

• 8:46Speaker 04

  It was carpeted and it did have, it did have two poles, one at the back of the stage and one at the front. And one of the, during one of the numbers, I'm looking at the pole at the front of the stage and I was like. So that's a water pipe. Like, that's functional. Part of the-

• 9:00Speaker 06

  That's load bearing, yeah.

• 9:01Speaker 04

  And a hundred percent was, and I was like nervous it was gonna get hot. I was, it felt like it could be a radiator. Yeah, but I saw a woman put a dollar inside herself.

• 9:10Speaker 06

  In her vagina? Wow.

• 9:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:13Speaker 06

  I got in trouble once in Chicago in the comedy scene because I was, I posted on Twitter about a show that I went to where a person with a vagina cracked an egg out of their pussy.

• 9:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:25Speaker 06

  And I just posted about how strange that was.

• 9:28Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 9:28Speaker 06

  And-

• 9:28Speaker 04

  Was this like a clown show? It's giving clown to me.

• 9:31Speaker 06

  I don't know what you would call it. If they call it clown, then I send them love. It was culinary, it was strange, it was bizarre.

• 9:37Speaker 04

  Was it at like a comedy venue?

• 9:39Speaker 06

  It was meant to be a comedy venue, I wasn't laughing. I was just really like-

• 9:42Speaker 04

  We've all been there.

• 9:43Speaker 06

  I was like, oh, that's so strange. And I posted about how strange it was and I got in trouble.

• 9:47Speaker 04

  See, I think this is a thing that when people, I think the youths don't understand, when people like you and I are so resistant to like clown culture.

• 9:53Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 9:54Speaker 04

  It's because when we were coming up 10 years ago, it had gone so far the other way that there were like, like, there was a legendary story at UCB about like the time a guy like shit in a diaper and threw it. And I was like, so we can't get back there.

• 10:03Speaker 06

  Right, right, right, right.

• 10:05Speaker 04

  Like-

• 10:05Speaker 06

  We're survivors.

• 10:06Speaker 04

  Like, I'm, I'm never a cop until someone gets a little too goofy on stage. And then I'm like, you don't know how bad this can go.

• 10:11Speaker 06

  Well, they have no idea what we're keeping them from, because all they see right now is that it's like, oh, they're wearing polka dots and they're strange. And it's like, you don't know what this could turn into.

• 10:17Speaker 04

  No, it could get really nasty for you.

• 10:19Speaker 06

  I've been there.

• 10:19Speaker 04

  Really bad. It could get really dark.

• 10:21Speaker 06

  I've fucking been there.

• 10:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:22Speaker 06

  You don't know what I saw.

• 10:24Speaker 04

  You, you don't know what, I, I did comedy for five years before I felt fully safe in a theater. Like, because you just never knew. Because you just never knew if someone, how weird someone was gonna get.

• 10:34Speaker 06

  No, I really do want everyone to do their own thing, I really don't care, but it is, there's also no, like, my genuine opinion on most things in life, you wouldn't know it from this podcast, is like, I just don't give a fuck or really think about it at all, but it's way more fun to be like, that's disgusting.

• 10:48Speaker 04

  Sure, but the thing is, people forget that there's a difference between me being like, you can do whatever you want, but I'm allowed to say, I didn't fucking like that.

• 10:55Speaker 06

  That's the thing, is that's my thing.

• 10:56Speaker 04

  That's the whole thing.

• 10:57Speaker 06

  You get to do your thing and then my, I get to have my thing too, which is being like, oh, that's weird.

• 11:00Speaker 04

  It's also so, it's also so, it's legitimately so funny to want to do something on stage and then be like, people shouldn't have an opinion about this. It's like, then baby, you got a bedroom.

• 11:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 11:08Speaker 04

  Let's do it there.

• 11:09Speaker 06

  Do it at home.

• 11:10Speaker 04

  Do it at home.

• 11:11Speaker 06

  I thought me commenting on it was part of it.

• 11:13Speaker 04

  A hundred percent.

• 11:14Speaker 06

  It's happening in the public sphere.

• 11:15Speaker 04

  Right, if you don't want to get opinions on it from people that like don't like it, that's a kink.

• 11:19Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 11:19Speaker 04

  You do that at home.

• 11:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 11:21Speaker 04

  Do you know what I mean?

• 11:22Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 11:22Speaker 04

  If you don't want like people to laugh at it, don't do it on a stage.

• 11:24Speaker 06

  I think you're right.

• 11:25Speaker 04

  I'm really right. If you do something goofy on stage, it's art and I can laugh at it or I can not like it. Once you do it in your own bedroom, God bless, I'm not, no judgment, you know?

• 11:33Speaker 06

  I don't know, it depends on if you're talking about it in public as well. I will say some-

• 11:35Speaker 04

  Again, once it comes to public, yeah.

• 11:37Speaker 06

  If you're speaking of it even, like, I think kink shaming, is kink shaming okay? Of course not, but, but it's like, I do get to go like, oh, that's strange.

• 11:47Speaker 04

  To, oh, a hundred percent.

• 11:48Speaker 06

  You wanna fuck my feet, how weird is that?

• 11:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's, that's so interesting.

• 11:52Speaker 06

  I'm not mad at you, I don't think you should go to prison, but I think I get to go, oh, that's odd.

• 11:59Speaker 06

  Oh, how fun, I've, I've never heard of that.

• 12:01Speaker 04

  Were you a True Life kid? Did you watch a lot of True Life?

• 12:03Speaker 06

  Of course I watched a lot of True Life. Yeah, I fucking loved True Life.

• 12:07Speaker 04

  There was, I was on Twitter the other day and there was like a guy who, like, there was a guy who, like, clearly it was like some sort of fetish thing where he was like, it was like, he had set up a camera in the parking lot of a, I think like a movie theater. And like made this scenario that it was like, oh, he'd been holding his bladder the whole movie and wasn't gonna make it home. And like he ran into frame and then was like, oh, no, and like pissed himself. And then everyone realized, or not, someone realized it and reposted it, and then everyone had this collective remembering of, he was the guy from True Life like 15 years ago that liked to lick the sneakers. Do you remember him?

• 12:38Speaker 06

  No, I don't remember him.

• 12:39Speaker 04

  Okay, so again, it's sort of like, if we had bullied him enough back then, maybe we would have stopped and we would have gotten here.

• 12:43Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 12:43Speaker 04

  Do you know?

• 12:43Speaker 06

  So, cause that, cause then that the-

• 12:45Speaker 04

  Cause now he's peeing in the parking lot.

• 12:46Speaker 06

  He's pissing himself at the parking lot. Yeah, I mean, and again, I go, how strange.

• 12:51Speaker 04

  How strange?

• 12:52Speaker 06

  How strange.

• 12:52Speaker 04

  And is that hurting anyone? I guess not.

• 12:54Speaker 06

  Certainly not. That's the thing is, I'm like, you go, boy, you piss yourself in that parking lot and you post that video.

• 12:59Speaker 04

  At least you did in the parking lot. If he was pissing in the movie theater, I'd be mad, because someone has to clean that up.

• 13:02Speaker 06

  You can't piss in the movie theater because someone has to clean that up, but in the parking lot, it'll just dry up in the sun and no worries. Like, I think everyone do whatever you need to do.

• 13:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:10Speaker 06

  Yeah, if I saw that video, I'd be like, that is odd.

• 13:16Speaker 06

  That is a weird thing you're doing.

• 13:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, have you had to, have you, has anyone ever like pitched a kink to you and you're like, we're not doing that tonight, babe?

• 13:21Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 13:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:23Speaker 06

  Yeah, like anal sex.

• 13:29Speaker 06

  No, no, no, no, anal's cool.

• 13:31Speaker 04

  No, it is.

• 13:32Speaker 06

  I, yeah, I mean, the first couple of years of like being an out gay guy, I was like, it was a lot of, it's a lot of stuff coming at you really fast.

• 13:38Speaker 04

  Totally, I'm always kind of blown away by the people who ran right to anal.

• 13:42Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 13:43Speaker 04

  Cause I did like a, a long tour through siding before we got there.

• 13:46Speaker 06

  Which we didn't even have a name for it back then, by the way. We're like that level of age of gay guy now.

• 13:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, totally.

• 13:50Speaker 06

  When I started out, we didn't have a name for side.

• 13:53Speaker 04

  Totally, yes. And now, but then I found out people were like, oh no, like the first time I did everything, I'm like, that's really crazy.

• 13:58Speaker 06

  That's fucking insane.

• 13:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:00Speaker 06

  Yeah, I don't, I took a long detour through a lot of stuff. You used, before we had side, and it was like a, a recognized classification, you had to just like kind of ask really nicely if you didn't want to have anal. You had to be, you had to be, can we just do other stuff?

• 14:13Speaker 04

  Or like, or if you were even more cowardly, you just kind of constantly do the thing where you like move, you're like, no, this way, like you're like moving your ass out of the way.

• 14:23Speaker 06

  Uh, what about you? A lot of kinks getting thrown your way that you're having to turn down or you're into it?

• 14:27Speaker 04

  Um, I'm not, I mean, some are getting thrown away my way where I'm like, I'm all set there.

• 14:31Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 14:32Speaker 04

  Um, but I think now with, if you're hooking up off an app, if it gets pitched on the app beforehand, it's easier to be like, it's, I feel like people are less often pitching their kinks in the room. I feel this way a little bit about the whole like top, bottom, side, like people making it such like an ident, like literally gay people kind of made it, like you put on the sorting hat and they tell you which one you are. Like, it's like that, like fucking like locked in.

• 14:53Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 14:54Speaker 04

  And it's like, yeah, but like, have you ever met someone and totally you want to do a totally different thing with them? Like, I think like, it's like, people, I like flirting and intimacy and it's like, every time you have sex with someone, it doesn't have to be like, this is the kind of sex I have and I do this with whoever I have sex with. It's like, each person's like a new opportunity, do you know what I mean?

• 15:09Speaker 06

  One hundred percent, and that's part of what I don't like about the set out defined thing from the app is I'm like, when you walk through the door of my apartment, the vibe might be energetically in the room that I'm like, oh, I actually would do this other thing.

• 15:21Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 15:21Speaker 06

  Like, it just depends, I don't know, I can't just like look, looking at photos of you.

• 15:25Speaker 04

  Totally, yeah, but like sometimes they walk in, you're like, hey, do you actually want to go get a coffee? Like, you know what I mean?

• 15:28Speaker 06

  One hundred percent. Or sometimes the, the profile is giving like one, and I'm also open to that being true about me, but the profile is giving one thing and then they walk in and you hear the voice and you're like, it's a different thing.

• 15:38Speaker 04

  Totally, like some people, that's like the crazy thing, I think it's funny when people like really, because I don't give a fuck if someone's masculine or feminine, like I've hooked up with anyone along that spectrum. But like, it's funny when you misrepresent yourself on that, because it's like, oh, like, I would have done it, I would have approached this with a different energy, because I approached those two things with a different energy.

• 15:57Speaker 06

  One hundred percent. You also, I just, you can't, you can't be dominant towards me if you sound like Elmo.

• 16:03Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 16:04Speaker 06

  If you have a certain frequency of voice, you're gonna have to keep it pretty. It's gonna have to be pretty level.

• 16:09Speaker 04

  A hundred percent, me and my friend had this guy, we've had an inter-

• 16:12Speaker 06

  It's not gonna be like, you like that? I'm like, no.

• 16:14Speaker 04

  No.

• 16:15Speaker 06

  No.

• 16:15Speaker 04

  Can't be doing that. That, this happened to me and my friend recently, we've had a guy that we've had a big crush on, on the internet and we've been sending videos back and forth. And he never talks, and he recently talks, and I said, oh, okay, so with the voice of a Bijan freeze, we're gonna have to change. I was like, I was like, this really changes.

• 16:30Speaker 06

  Some of the fantasies are changing, yeah.

• 16:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, we're making a pivot, the narratives have to be, and like it wouldn't go, it wouldn't go down the way I thought it was gonna go down.

• 16:35Speaker 06

  And I'm still down, by the way. It's just, yeah, things are changing, the formulations are changing.

• 16:39Speaker 04

  A thousand percent.

• 16:40Speaker 06

  I'm going, oh, okay, we're gonna kiss more than I thought.

• 16:43Speaker 06

  You know what I mean?

• 16:43Speaker 04

  One hundred percent.

• 16:44Speaker 06

  Which is my favorite part, by the way.

• 16:45Speaker 04

  Well, if you don't like, well, if there's, if it's bad kissing, I'm not doing anything else.

• 16:48Speaker 06

  If it's bad kissing or no kissing, I think we just call it.

• 16:51Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 16:52Speaker 06

  It's like, if you don't want to kiss, like, if you don't want to kiss, you have to leave me alone.

• 16:55Speaker 04

  I, I like almost completely agree.

• 16:57Speaker 06

  Don't talk to me until I've had my kisses.

• 17:01Speaker 04

  Don't fuck me till I've had my kisses.

• 17:02Speaker 06

  Don't fuck me till I've had my kisses, on a coffee mug. At the office. Don't fuck me till I've had my kisses.

• 17:09Speaker 04

  HR's like, ah, you're like, what?

• 17:14Speaker 04

  Your boss walking in with a shirt that says, don't fuck me till I've had my kisses.

• 17:23Speaker 06

  All right, so just wanted to get on the same page.

• 17:26Speaker 04

  She like doesn't realize she put it on, she just put on whenever when she got out the door, she's, it's your review, she's like, so we've been really concerned with your performance this quarter. You're like, do you want more kisses?

• 17:36Speaker 06

  So the reason that Jenny from HR is here, because we're putting on a performance improvement van. Don't fuck me till I've had my kisses. Chest print.

• 17:43Speaker 04

  Absolutely.

• 17:46Speaker 06

  Don't fuck me till I've had my kisses is so true, though, and frankly-

• 17:48Speaker 04

  So true.

• 17:49Speaker 06

  Don't forget about the kisses on the other side either.

• 17:51Speaker 04

  No, yeah.

• 17:52Speaker 06

  There's, but a book ends with kisses.

• 17:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, a book ends with-

• 17:56Speaker 06

  I need some kisses on the back end as well.

• 17:58Speaker 04

  I thought you meant rimming, but you meant after the sex was done.

• 18:06Speaker 04

  You heard it, right? It wasn't clear.

• 18:08Speaker 06

  Well, and depending on what energy and voice you bring over, you might be able to give me some back end kisses as well.

• 18:16Speaker 06

  My behind, I talk about sex like that. You need to kiss me behind.

• 18:20Speaker 04

  You, after you have sex.

• 18:21Speaker 06

  An Irish guy.

• 18:22Speaker 04

  I would be looking for a lot more kisses on the back end.

• 18:24Speaker 06

  This is my impression of an Irish guy who likes rimming, you need to kiss me behind.

• 18:30Speaker 06

  Clip it.

• 18:32Speaker 04

  I love you doing no accent, just the wording.

• 18:35Speaker 06

  Because you'll get there. That's the thing, is you'll get there. What I like for the viewers to be able to do at home is fill in, fill in accents.

• 18:41Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 18:43Speaker 06

  Ugh, I have really good accent work, I could do a lot of ones right now, but-

• 18:47Speaker 04

  I could, but I would never would.

• 18:48Speaker 06

  Many of them are problematic.

• 18:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:49Speaker 06

  Many of them are problematic. Team, team, and I won't be doing that.

• 18:52Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 18:53Speaker 06

  So anyway, you're Polly, what's going on with that?

• 18:57Speaker 06

  How scared were you to tell me or did you care at all?

• 19:00Speaker 04

  Um, once, I mean, like I told my mom, you know what I mean? After you tell, like, telling your mom that you-

• 19:04Speaker 06

  I've gotta be meaner than your mom.

• 19:06Speaker 04

  No, but like telling, here's the whole thing, is like you, imagine telling your mom that your boyfriend has a husband when your dad had a girlfriend and it wasn't kosher, like-

• 19:15Speaker 06

  Really good point.

• 19:16Speaker 04

  Like, my dad, like, my dad cheated on my mom and then I, like, and being like, so it's cool this time, you know what I mean? And my mom was so, I mean, I could, yeah, like, sort of dating like a serial killer behind class, my mom would probably be chill with whatever's going on, but she's like the best. But it was, like, after that, I was kind of like, like, I wasn't, there's some people, it's more annoying for the people who are like, like, you know Polly people, you don't respect them, but you know them, like-

• 19:40Speaker 06

  I do know them and there are, there are things I respect about, there are many things I respect about you. Your relationship just isn't one.

• 19:52Speaker 06

  I think you are so brilliant and kind and charming and lovely and warm. I would take a bullet for you. But yeah, if they called me in court and said, do you respect this relationship? Under oath, I couldn't say yes.

• 20:07Speaker 06

  And that's just my truth.

• 20:08Speaker 04

  No, and I totally get that, but that's the thing. Not to be so like woo about it, but at the end of the day, you're kind of like, I'm kind of like, well, I respect it and I'm happy in it. So it doesn't matter what other people think.

• 20:16Speaker 06

  That's completely true.

• 20:17Speaker 04

  Which is so true, but like.

• 20:18Speaker 06

  I legit love it for you guys.

• 20:19Speaker 04

  No.

• 20:20Speaker 06

  You know that.

• 20:21Speaker 04

  No, I do. I do know that.

• 20:22Speaker 06

  I'm really happy for you guys. I was with all five of you the other night.

• 20:28Speaker 04

  Oh, my God.

• 20:29Speaker 06

  I assume that the girls that you run around with are somehow part of it, but I don't really know.

• 20:32Speaker 04

  It depends like how we file each year, like taxes wise, but this year it's looking like it might be five.

• 20:36Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 20:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:37Speaker 06

  That's really huge. How did this even happen? How did this start for you? I have a question for you, actually.

• 20:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:41Speaker 06

  Before you became boyfriend to one man in a married couple, were you poly before that?

• 20:48Speaker 04

  And I didn't think I would like it.

• 20:50Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 20:51Speaker 04

  No, I met my boyfriend, we were working on a cruise together. He would, yeah, he was singing and I was doing stand up for like a week and I knew he had a, and I knew he had a husband.

• 21:03Speaker 04

  Because I knew, I actually knew, had met his husband before and like, and I knew who he was through like mutual friends.

• 21:09Speaker 06

  So at Jump Street, was it like, I'm just gonna fuck this guy while we're on the cruise?

• 21:12Speaker 04

  Like I introduced, I knew who he was because he had done a show with my friend. And so I went up to him at the hotel the night before because they flew us to Miami the night before. And I was like, hey, I'm Jake. I'm friends with this person. I'm assuming you're also working on the cruise. So we like met and so we kind of just started, because we were doing, we were, we were on an all gay men's cruise. That was a lot, like it was essentially like.

• 21:30Speaker 06

  I know it's not crazy on there.

• 21:32Speaker 04

  Girl, girl.

• 21:36Speaker 06

  They really liked that. You're like not laughing because it's true, but they really liked that.

• 21:39Speaker 04

  Because I got a sense memory of this.

• 21:43Speaker 04

  Do you know how, you can't imagine like this, this cruise was the craziest week of my life. I had a cabin next to Audra McDonald.

• 21:50Speaker 06

  Of course.

• 21:50Speaker 04

  Because she was performing on the boat. So I'm listening on one side of my cabin, Audra McDonald's doing vocal warmups. The next time that guy's getting ripped in fucking half.

• 21:58Speaker 06

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 21:59Speaker 04

  Like, it's absolutely the craziest thing you'll ever see.

• 22:03Speaker 06

  I know they have signs in every bathroom of what you can and can't flush. I know that.

• 22:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:07Speaker 06

  I know that.

• 22:08Speaker 04

  They have, well, because the bathrooms are in your rooms.

• 22:10Speaker 06

  Okay, huge.

• 22:11Speaker 04

  And then they also have like, they have, like a lot of people put like open or closed signs on their door and then people just like go in. It's a lot, like there's a lot.

• 22:19Speaker 06

  Fuck, yeah.

• 22:19Speaker 04

  There's like a lot of stuff happening, but it was like fun. But we kind of like buddied up because we were like, it's like us like kind of experiencing this whole thing together.

• 22:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:28Speaker 04

  And then, yeah, we started hooking up and I kind of thought like, oh, like this will just be my cruise boyfriend.

• 22:33Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:34Speaker 04

  And I did know from a conversation earlier on that they were poly, that like it could in some way become something more. And I didn't think that was for me and wasn't really thinking much about it. And then by the last day, I kind of was like, well, I really like him and this. And so then I was like, I'll keep hanging out with him in New York. And then when I, it got to the point where I was kind of like, well, the only thing I don't like about this is that I thought I wouldn't like this, but I am liking it. Like, so until it gets to a place where I'm not liking it, I'm not going to end it because like I didn't think I would enjoy a poly relationship.

• 23:07Speaker 06

  Which is so adult, by the way.

• 23:08Speaker 04

  Thank you. I try to be really adult.

• 23:09Speaker 06

  It's really adult to, it's a, it's a hard thing about before you're like a full adult, but a really big, good adult thing is when you're like, I'm not going to let my perception of what I should be feeling about this thing change how I am experiencing.

• 23:21Speaker 04

  It was kind of a really good exercise in that, in being like, kind of every day taking time to be like, this is good, right? And be like, yeah. And then what was really validating was like, every single time you tell a friend about it, they sort of make like the most horrified face in the world. They're like, ah.

• 23:34Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 23:35Speaker 04

  But then having those friends then like meet him, hang out with all of us, hang out with his husband, go over to their house, whatever, and being like, oh, immediately approved. Like, we get this. It's cool. It's great.

• 23:44Speaker 06

  Yeah, but they're the best.

• 23:46Speaker 04

  And they're the best.

• 23:46Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 23:47Speaker 04

  And that it does help a lot of it. So, yeah, it was like a, it wasn't like, it wasn't even like a bumpy thing I had to really get used to. I just kind of like enjoy it and now it's like, great.

• 23:56Speaker 06

  Have you become somebody, do you, when you're not, I haven't, I haven't seen you be like this, but I'm curious. Have you gone on the part of the poly journey yet where you have to tell monogamous people how restrictive monogamy is?

• 24:06Speaker 04

  No, because I also don't like think of like, I don't say I'm poly. I say like, I say my boyfriend, like, I don't think, it doesn't feel like an identity. Like if I broke up with Andy, I don't think I would be like, I, like also like, for one, I don't want another boyfriend.

• 24:18Speaker 06

  So you're only dating Andy?

• 24:19Speaker 04

  Here's what I, I mean, right, I always, this is my, my thing is I say, Andy's poly, I'm gullible. Right?

• 24:26Speaker 04

  I have one, I have one boyfriend. He has a boyfriend and a husband.

• 24:29Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 24:30Speaker 04

  It's like, I don't, it doesn't feel like an identity to me. It doesn't feel like, I guess if like later on down the line, I met someone and really felt like, but I, I currently don't feel like I have the capacity or time for another relationship or the desire for it.

• 24:42Speaker 06

  Who has the time for one?

• 24:43Speaker 04

  I know, exactly.

• 24:44Speaker 06

  Let alone multiple.

• 24:45Speaker 04

  Barely.

• 24:46Speaker 06

  Andy's superhuman.

• 24:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, he really, it's, it's something. So I think like that, yeah, I don't know, there's, I, I wouldn't like if, if Andy and I were to break up, I wouldn't be like, well, now I have to have my next thing also be poly. That's like not how it feels.

• 24:58Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 24:59Speaker 04

  And I also, I never was someone, my, I was with someone for six years and we were open. I never felt like I needed to like proselytize that. Anytime you need to proselytize something you're doing to another person, it's because you don't like what you're doing.

• 25:10Speaker 06

  You think so?

• 25:11Speaker 04

  I do.

• 25:11Speaker 06

  Anytime?

• 25:12Speaker 04

  Not anytime, but I think like, or it's like, I need you to do it because if you are doing this, like, like it's, I feel like it's why people like do the Christian, like really like proselytize religion is because like, if you're out there having fun doing all the things I'm not allowed to do, then like this sucks for me. But if I bring you into the religion or tell you you're going to hell or not, then it's okay. Do you know what I mean?

• 25:32Speaker 06

  Well, we like to be, we like, we like, uh, commonality.

• 25:36Speaker 04

  Commonality.

• 25:36Speaker 06

  We really like that.

• 25:37Speaker 04

  Yes. So I think like, a lot of times when people are really eschewing monogamy, if they're into poly or open or whatever, is because like they can't see, if they're like, if there was value in monogamy, then I would be missing out on that value. Or it's like, or it could just not be for you.

• 25:52Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 25:53Speaker 04

  You know?

• 25:53Speaker 06

  What's really funny about my situation is that I actively, my last relationship was open. And now that I'm not in an open relationship and my stuff doesn't say that, people assume I'm not open to it because of the way I joke on here.

• 26:05Speaker 04

  Totally. And that's hard.

• 26:07Speaker 06

  And I'm like, okay, so I need to look into my jokes actually because I'm cock blocking myself with these fucking bits. But I'm open to open.

• 26:14Speaker 04

  I don't think, yeah, you don't seem like someone who's that like, you don't seem like a prude to me. I would say that.

• 26:19Speaker 06

  Uh, depends on the day.

• 26:21Speaker 04

  Sure, sure.

• 26:22Speaker 06

  No, I don't think I'm a prude. I don't care. Yeah, I'm, I'm, I really am down for whatever.

• 26:26Speaker 04

  Do you think it would, you would struggle if like you started to fall for a guy and he had a boyfriend or a husb?

• 26:31Speaker 06

  You know, it's interesting. Some of the best sex I'm having right now is with a married guy and I think their relationship is so beautiful. And I'm like very, very happy for them. And I don't think I could ever be his boyfriend actually, like.

• 26:42Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 26:42Speaker 06

  I think the situation you're in is so beautiful. I love, I love those two and I love you and I think it is actually amazing for the three of you.

• 26:49Speaker 04

  I could only, I would also only ever do something like this if the other relationship seemed healthy and good.

• 26:54Speaker 06

  Really strong.

• 26:54Speaker 04

  That's like, it's not like, uh, well, I'm hoping they break up and like.

• 26:59Speaker 06

  I think I could only do it if I was like, I think this is crumbling.

• 27:01Speaker 04

  You're like cruising at like couples therapy offices.

• 27:04Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I, no, I just, I think their relationship, it seems like his marriage is really beautiful and I'm like very happy for them, but I don't, I don't, yeah, I can't be, I don't want to be like, uh, second on the call sheet.

• 27:17Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 27:17Speaker 06

  Basically. It doesn't excite me. I'm like, you have your beautiful relationship. We can have sex whenever we can have sex. And then I need to probably just keep searching for like my amazing marriage.

• 27:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:27Speaker 06

  Probably.

• 27:27Speaker 04

  Totally. I love when you tell, when someone talks about when something got, they, they said something they shouldn't on a podcast, like, I don't know, it can't be edited. You know what I mean? Like, I just like said it. And then it was like, well, it was out there and it's like, there's an edit process and I know that.

• 27:39Speaker 06

  We, we edit nothing.

• 27:41Speaker 04

  Okay, good to know.

• 27:41Speaker 06

  No, I'm kidding. No, I'm kidding. We edit a lot. We edit a lot mostly for the guests. Oftentimes if someone gets upset with me from something from the show, it's that I didn't think it was going to be a problem. That's the disconnect.

• 27:51Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 27:51Speaker 06

  Do you know what I mean? It's not that I.

• 27:52Speaker 04

  Because you didn't realize it was something they were like insecure about or like sensitive about.

• 27:55Speaker 06

  Jake, I don't know what I say on here and I don't know where it comes from. I blackout on this podcast. I'm telling you, a guy, a guy messaged me yesterday, a guy that I sleep with in LA. He messaged me and was like, lol, not the shout out on the podcast. And I, I messaged back and I was like, babe, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I said.

• 28:10Speaker 04

  Oh, God.

• 28:10Speaker 06

  Or what you're talking about. And he was like, oh, lol, you said this. And it was innocuous, but I was like, I don't remember saying that.

• 28:15Speaker 04

  I also think sometimes I have this like theory that I, I think that I'm being more sly than I am. Like I have a standup joke that I do about a guy I had sex with once.

• 28:25Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 28:25Speaker 04

  And it got filmed at South by Southwest and posted like by this account. And I reposted it within five minutes. The guy was like lol me. And I was like, oh, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. And I thought, I was like, I've changed enough details. I've obviously, he was like, this is about me and I can tell. And I didn't know you were on stage. And I was like.

• 28:45Speaker 06

  Y'all, if you missed last week's episode, you simply must check it out as soon as you're done with this one, of course. For those of you that somehow didn't hear, last week, we did a very special Halloween episode from Main Street USA at Disneyland.

• 29:00Speaker 06

  You guys went for free.

• 29:02Speaker 06

  We figured there'd be no better place to shoot an extra special and spooky episode because it's Halloween time at the Disneyland Resort. We hear it so true and our very special guests, Brittany and Drew, had such a great time being hosted by Disneyland for a truly spooktacular experience where we made memories that are sure to last a lifetime. And a big shout out to the folks at Disneyland for setting up this special Halloween experience and letting us wear our Toy Story costumes for the episode. Folks, there are many types of shoppers. Some equally value function as well as style, and we here at So True want to know, what kind of shopper are you? Maybe you're a gym regular who's always looking for better gear, or maybe you just need a comfortable outfit to throw on when you go for a stroll around your block.

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• 30:43Speaker 06

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• 31:44Speaker 06

  Yeah, a really funny thing of being a comedian, I'm sure you've gotten this a fair amount, is when people know you're a comedian before they sleep with you and bring up like, oh, I hope I'm not like the subject of a joke. And I go, you might be. I'm not making any promises about that.

• 31:57Speaker 04

  I have the fucking opposite reaction to that, which is like, whenever someone has said, I hope I don't end up in the act, I want to look at them and be like, name one thing remotely interesting you have done yet that would garner me discussing it on stage. Like, nothing's happened. Like, I find that so, I'm like, how boring is your life that anything we just did in the last 45 minutes seems remarkable enough? For us, for me to put onstage in front of an audience of people to make them laugh.

• 32:24Speaker 06

  See, I'll do, I'll talk about anything boring up there, I don't care.

• 32:26Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 32:27Speaker 06

  You don't really have to do anything interesting to become somebody I talk about.

• 32:30Speaker 04

  That, no one's safe in your circles.

• 32:32Speaker 06

  Not, and it's not like, it's not like, I'm like, you don't have to do anything, I'll just be, I'll find something, I'll find something uninteresting and find a way to talk about it, just out of boredom. There's something wrong with me.

• 32:42Speaker 04

  When you go out on stage, do you just talk, do you have like bits right now, or are you just like going like riffing on like what's happening that day?

• 32:48Speaker 06

  I have some stuff right now, but I end up like making up a lot when I, like, not making up, but I end up like, stuff comes up while I'm up there and I go, ooh, what about this?

• 32:54Speaker 04

  Oh, well, sure, that.

• 32:55Speaker 06

  You know, and that, so then I'll say something and I forget to record all the time, so a lot of times I'll say something so fun and then forget it.

• 33:00Speaker 04

  That's the, that's the main of my existence.

• 33:02Speaker 06

  Does that not make you want to fucking die?

• 33:04Speaker 04

  I did my hour at Bell House and I riffed a full 10 minutes that I the whole time was going, holy shit, this is so good, forgot to record it, can't remember any of it.

• 33:11Speaker 06

  Yeah, same.

• 33:12Speaker 04

  And I've asked three people and they were like, I remember what you're talking about, it was so funny, I cannot tell you what you're talking about. It's like, it's, if I, if I never really make it, it's because I forgot those 10 minutes.

• 33:23Speaker 04

  My greatest work was those 10 minutes.

• 33:24Speaker 06

  Do you not feel that you've made it?

• 33:25Speaker 04

  No, I, I, I'm doing well, things are good.

• 33:27Speaker 06

  I feel that you've made it.

• 33:28Speaker 04

  Thank you, that's very kind. I have a rule that once you are like making it your job, you have to say you made it.

• 33:33Speaker 06

  You made it.

• 33:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, thank you.

• 33:34Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's your job and people love you and you're great at it.

• 33:36Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 33:36Speaker 06

  Do you feel that?

• 33:38Speaker 04

  I mean, obviously, there's like imposter syndrome at times and like, I'm not at the point in, I guess you do ever feel this way, it's like, it like, it feels, it feels like there's like a cliff like four months out of like, what's after that? Do you know what I mean, like a little bit of like what the next job is going to be or gig is? But I've done, been doing this long enough now that I know that like something else is going to come down the pike and like things are happening. So I do think I feel that. I, it took me a minute, I had really bad imposter syndrome for the first like three years of being full-time comedy.

• 34:08Speaker 06

  How do you meet, like, how would that come up?

• 34:09Speaker 04

  I think because I, I think because I came, because I did improv before the pandemic, like exclusively, it was like really hardcore UCB, and then I did the, I did videos for a bit, and then I did stand-up. And I got to kind of cut the line of stand-up a little bit because I was successful online, like I didn't have to come up through open mics, that I felt like I was a bad stand-up comedian that was getting opportunities because of other things.

• 34:34Speaker 06

  Were you?

• 34:35Speaker 04

  I think, I don't think I was the best at the beginning, but I think I'm quite good now.

• 34:39Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 34:39Speaker 04

  And I think I was actually pretty good back then too, because I knew how to perform on stage, but I think I had to like officially pivot over to be like, oh no, I'm like a good stand-up comedian, like a year and a half ago was when I finally felt it and felt confident. But I had to like do a lot of, before, I used to, before I would go out on stage, had to do a lot of like, it's gonna be okay, you got this, you can do it. And now I'm like, oh no, I know how to do this.

• 34:58Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 34:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:59Speaker 06

  I factually, when I started, I got attention, I got attention from internet and stuff before I was as good at stand-up. So that feeling you were talking about having, I had it and it was correct.

• 35:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:13Speaker 06

  Like I was going on stage for a sold-out room, a small sold-out room of like, you know, like 90 people or something.

• 35:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:18Speaker 06

  And being like, oh, I'm not very good at this yet and all these people are here anyway. And I was right.

• 35:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:24Speaker 06

  Then I just got better, so it eased over time.

• 35:26Speaker 04

  I definitely, the thing I struggled with was, ooh, the thing I struggled with was I was being given, I was able to do a good 10 pretty quickly. The first times I got booked to do an hour, I was not ready for an hour.

• 35:37Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 35:38Speaker 04

  And it was a lot of storytelling, it was a lot of filling things, and it was like, now it's different, now I have like a much, I'm, I understand how to like actually write jokes.

• 35:45Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 35:45Speaker 04

  But I feel like in the beginning, it was like figuring out what is like my version of performing on stage. And I was okay with it, but I think I was, I had to then eventually like move on from that feeling.

• 35:56Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 35:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:57Speaker 06

  I'm still not the best stand-up I could be, because I, I don't, I don't like pound the pavement the way that I, if I, if I were getting up all the time and like really doing it and focusing, I would be much better at it.

• 36:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:08Speaker 06

  I think I'm very good and I like it and I have no insecurity about it, but I just like, in general in my life, I like kind of refuse to prioritize work to the level I would need to, to be like truly great, I think.

• 36:17Speaker 04

  I'm the same way.

• 36:18Speaker 06

  I just want to have fun.

• 36:19Speaker 04

  I'm kind of the same way across the board. I kind of refuse to make my life worse for work.

• 36:24Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 36:25Speaker 04

  I also kind of know the kind of creative person I am, and I'm not someone whose best work has come out of like hustling to the point of not being happy. Like, it's like, that's not where I get my best ideas, that's not when I'm the funniest, that's not when I'm, that's not when I'm fun to be around.

• 36:39Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 36:41Speaker 04

  So I like to have like a rich and full life and then be funny sometimes. Like I could be at clubs every night doing spots if I wanted to be, but I would also like to like see my friends and be out and like I'll get funny ideas from doing that.

• 36:51Speaker 06

  Yeah, same. I also look at like, I could have written in the last couple of years, I could have written like three more, I could have finished like three more movies that probably would have been great. I could, like, there's so many things I could have done and could be doing, and I'm just like, well, yeah, but all those times I like went on a trip, or I like had dinner with my friends, or I like, I just, I'm like, yeah, I don't want to, I don't want to look back on my life and be like, oh, fuck, I did the thing that everyone does. Like, every, everyone that does like a 95-year-old interview, like when they ask them, what do you regret, they're like, I wish I worked less.

• 37:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:24Speaker 06

  But then when you're in it, when you're like in your late twenties, thirties, you convince yourself that you're in a different circumstance, where you're like, well, for me, I actually need to because I'm having a moment or whatever, or I need to whatever.

• 37:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:34Speaker 06

  And it's like, no, it's still going to be the same thing, you're still going to wish that you had had more fun.

• 37:38Speaker 04

  I remember I worked really early on, I had this, I had this like development project with someone who was like, the, like one of the most famous people in the world at the time. And I remember seeing him like actively fighting to like find time to like go on vacation and spend time with his family. And I was like, early enough in my career where all I could think about was like trying to like, you know, book a movie, sell a TV show, get on a TV show, and then seeing someone who had like the biggest version of it and being like, oh, literally all this man wants is to like sit down with his family and have dinner. And I was like, oh, I kind of don't ever want that.

• 38:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 38:09Speaker 04

  You know? And also the level of fame where it was like they kind of couldn't go out to dinner. Like I was like, oh, I don't want any of this. Like I want to have a life that's full, I want my, and I want to feel like artistically fulfilled, but I don't want it to take everything. And it's easy, also, when you're, when you get to a certain level of success, it is like, oh yeah, we could stay home and write all the time and be in meetings, but like you're not going to have any friends or anything, and that is going to suck. And I think that's why you see like the really rich and successful comedians who are all like so insane and miserable, it's because like they don't have a life.

• 38:38Speaker 06

  Yeah. Well, and I think that's their response to, like, I, I look at my future and I go, there's a really good chance that I am not going to be necessarily financially secure in the future, there's a really good chance I don't make this amount of money forever, there's a really good chance that I regret doing some of the things that I, like, I look at the future and I go, I could regret how I spent my money during these years. Like, I'm very kind of like frivolous with it, like I spend my money, not on like stuff for me.

• 39:06Speaker 04

  I would say you're generous, I don't think, I think you should call yourself generous before you should call yourself frivolous.

• 39:10Speaker 06

  But the point being, like, I just don't really care, I'm like, okay, well, if we get to that point, then I'll just like get a job again, like.

• 39:16Speaker 04

  Totally, I mean, that's, I've had that thought too, where it's like, there was this moment where I was really, I, like when I first started being a full-time comedian, there would be times where it was like really tight or I'd be really stressed, and I was like, oh, I'm not going to die if I have to start bartending again.

• 39:29Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'd be fine.

• 39:30Speaker 04

  It actually would be totally chill.

• 39:33Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'd be fine.

• 39:33Speaker 04

  Like, it would, like, in a very genuine way. And like, I still sometimes, like my friend runs a restaurant and he'll call me up and be like, um, and be like, hey, like, someone's sick, can you come like work behind the bar tonight, or like host the restaurant? And I'm, I go back and like, oh yeah, this is like actually kind of fun. Like, I, like, there's not this, it making.

• 39:55Speaker 04

  Like you're, I'm not running from this, that other thing.

• 39:57Speaker 06

  Right.

• 39:57Speaker 04

  That makes sense.

• 39:58Speaker 06

  You don't have to be so scared.

• 39:59Speaker 04

  No.

• 39:59Speaker 06

  That, I think that's like, people who like psychopathically focus on output and making more and more and more and hoarding and making sure they don't give away too much or spend too much or whatever. The, that's their response to this acknowledgement. Like our response to the acknowledgement is being like, yeah, it'd be fine if I worked a job the way that most people alive do to survive.

• 40:18Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 40:18Speaker 06

  And other people's responses would be like, I can never lose this. I have to build this and it has to grow and grow and grow. And the result is your fear of being like everyone else, your fear of being like a regular working person, just continues to isolate you from everybody else. And so the benefit is you're rich and famous and you get to like travel on private jets and do huge sold out shows and whatever. But the cost of it is that you're extremely lonely and you don't like have any substance in your life, usually.

• 40:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, and like, and I think there's a true loss of like, what is this for? Like, what are you doing this for?

• 40:52Speaker 06

  What are you like, what are you gathering for?

• 40:54Speaker 04

  Like, yeah, which is, I think, why you see people like do shit for money where you're like, how could you want more money? Like you have so much, but it's like, that's the only thing they have.

• 41:02Speaker 06

  Yeah. Yeah, my, some, a friend yesterday asked me, like, what, how, like, at what point do you think a person is taking too much? Like, at what point do you think, like, when you think about, like, like, I see that, like, Mark Zuckerberg has, like, a, you know, $650 or a million dollar mega yacht or something, or whatever the thing is. I mean, that's not the real number. Don't sue me, Mark, I have stuff going on, but, um, when I see something like that, I'm like, well, that to me, obviously, is so far past the line of appropriate.

• 41:31Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 41:31Speaker 06

  But I'm like, where is the line? I, I actually am, am really, like, it was a really interesting question to me. I was like, I don't know the line. I know that I feel good about my place at the line.

• 41:39Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 41:40Speaker 06

  But that could be cope and that's fine. In my brain, I feel fine for whatever reason, but I do wonder what the line is.

• 41:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, I've never been like, rich in a way where I could tell you what the difference is between like having $10 million and having $50 million. Like, I don't really understand, I genuinely don't understand, like, what that means. So I can't tell you, but like, I know at some point, I feel like 50 feels like too much.

• 42:03Speaker 06

  You think 50 million is too much?

• 42:04Speaker 04

  Like, I feel like someone having $10 million sounds like successful and like a lot of money. 50 sounds, or like maybe a, like 100 definitely is too much, I think.

• 42:15Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 42:15Speaker 04

  A hundred million dollars feels like too much.

• 42:17Speaker 06

  Like at 300, it's like, you're there. Like four, four, okay, I'll say 400 max.

• 42:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, are we talking about me or other people also?

• 42:24Speaker 06

  Yeah, exactly.

• 42:25Speaker 04

  Cause those are really different, cause I would be good with it and generous, but like, at some point, it's like, you're, there's no way that you're spending it or that it has value or that you're doing anything, like that it is real at that point.

• 42:37Speaker 06

  Well, and it's also the, the, the bound, the problem with rich people is that the bounds of their imagination are endless when it comes to how much money they can make, but the bounds of their imagination when it comes to generosity have really fine edges. And so they go like, I'm extremely generous. Instead of paying this person who works for me a hundred thousand dollars, I pay them 110.

• 42:56Speaker 04

  Well, there's an interesting thing you see with really rich people, which is when you're, when you're that rich and you have that much access because of money, it, it reveals to you how like unbelievably unfair the system is. Because you see how ridiculous access you have and by nature of like working and being in the world, you have to talk with someone who's like, just in everyday conversation, be like, oh yeah, we like, we were thinking Paris, but we can't afford it this year, so we're gonna go next year. Like, and they have to sit in the room knowing like, well, I'm a multimillionaire and everyone knows that. And so like, this highlights this thing. So then, when you do moments of generosity, I think in a lot of rich people's minds, it's like, because they know that everyone's kind of looking at them being like, you have a fucked up amount of money. They're like, if I give an ounce of cookie, he'll want the whole jar, you know?

• 43:41Speaker 04

  Because it's, because there is this unspoken thing that we're not acknowledging of like, yeah, you actually probably could pay every person's rent in this room this month and literally feel a fart more than that.

• 43:51Speaker 06

  Yeah, if you have, if you have $90 million and you're in a room of 200 people, you could probably pay everyone's thing for a while.

• 43:58Speaker 04

  For.

• 43:58Speaker 06

  And not even feel a difference.

• 44:00Speaker 04

  Just be like, like literally do like Oprah, everyone gets a car. Like truly, and the re, and so then it becomes this thing of like, the only reason you're not doing that is cause like, you don't want to. Which is allowed, it's fine. And obviously it's not sustainable if you did it all the time, but I think that is the fear where then it's like no generosity. And then you hear the crazy stories about like people who go, like people, you know, who we know who go on the road and open for like really rich people and they're like super stingy or stuff like that. I think there's, that's where that come, has to come from.

• 44:27Speaker 06

  Well, and also because you're scared, you're, you're acknowledging, everyone in that room is acknowledging the same thing, which is that we live in an unfair society that refuses to take care of each other in an appropriate way. And yeah, the person with $90 million is like, well, if I behave like that all the time, I'll end up just like them again. And it's like, right, so you acknowledge that being like, like them is bad.

• 44:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 44:48Speaker 06

  What are we gonna do about that?

• 44:49Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 44:50Speaker 06

  Like, is the plan just, that's what I think about with like, the, I've, I've been really getting in some doom, uh, reading and viewing about AI. And I'm like.

• 44:58Speaker 04

  I know, and I did too, and you have to pull out.

• 45:00Speaker 06

  You have to pull out.

• 45:01Speaker 04

  You have to pull out.

• 45:02Speaker 06

  You have to pull out. I, I actually told these guys the other night, I was like, I heard a couple quotes in an AI documentary recently that if I were to say them in the room right now, it would kill the vibe of the entire.

• 45:09Speaker 04

  I heard one, um, recently so bad that I actually stood up and started walking out of the room.

• 45:13Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 45:13Speaker 04

  Like physically put the phone down and started walking.

• 45:15Speaker 06

  I was walking.

• 45:16Speaker 04

  I was like, it was like an interview and a woman said something and I put the phone down. I stood up and I just started walking and breathing.

• 45:23Speaker 06

  I really got scared for a second you were gonna say it and I was like, actually, just for me, you can't say it today.

• 45:26Speaker 04

  No, I can't say it right now. I can't say it on the pod, it's too upsetting.

• 45:29Speaker 06

  I was watching a documentary about AI and something was said that I am, I was alone, so this is no performance. Not kidding, alone by myself, watching on my couch. The thing was said, I picked up the remote, turned off the TV and just sat for about 12 minutes.

• 45:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:43Speaker 06

  No, no phone, no just.

• 45:45Speaker 04

  Say, what I've been taking comfort in is now there is a new kind of wave of theirs, and this is so fucked up and depressing in its own way. But this, that, like the deluge of this AI is gonna get us all, whatever, um, is, it is a business ploy because it makes AI look more powerful for AI companies. Like they are funding this narrative.

• 46:06Speaker 06

  Right.

• 46:07Speaker 04

  And also it's like a way for them on the backend to get government sanctions on them put in place to actually protect them.

• 46:14Speaker 06

  To protect their like IP and their.

• 46:15Speaker 04

  Without them having to admit that it's not as good as it is right now. And so they're building up this narrative that like, it could kill us all right now, where it's like not actually the case. So like, some of this is fake, but also some of it, it could totally be real. I mean.

• 46:29Speaker 06

  Whether it's fake or real, I think either way, I gotta tap out.

• 46:33Speaker 04

  Tell you what, between the environment and between AI, and also like there's now a vaccine for cancer. Daddy's lighting up a cig, sorry. Sorry, I don't know what to tell you.

• 46:42Speaker 06

  Sorry, baby, I'm smoking again.

• 46:43Speaker 04

  So babe, I am having some cigs.

• 46:48Speaker 06

  Fall is the season of doing the most. Coffee runs, weekend plans, travel days, errands, and somehow still trying to make it everywhere on time. And with Skechers, doing all those things has never been easier. We recently talked about Skechers in a not so glowing light on the show. I'm so sorry to Skechers. It was an episode with a guest that frankly, we won't have back. And wouldn't you know it, Skechers heard the call and came knocking on our doorstep. You gotta try their hands free slip-ins. You just slip in and go. No bending down, no messing with laces. They've got a heel pillow built into the back that keeps your foot locked in, so it's still snug, just way less effort. A lot of their styles also have air cooled memory foam, so you get pressure relief, instant comfort, breathability.

• 47:33Speaker 06

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• 52:31Speaker 06

  Yeah, I tried to go vegan the other night.

• 52:33Speaker 04

  Don't do that. Girl, don't do that.

• 52:36Speaker 06

  I tried to go vegan the other night and I was like, I don't know.

• 52:38Speaker 04

  I went vegan for three months and it happened to be during the time that me and my friends went to see Lady Gaga in Vegas. And my one friend Holly still brings it up, like, remember when you had to be vegan for three months and it ruined our Vegas trip? And I'm like, I'm like, yeah. She's like, it was actually really annoying. We didn't get to eat at a lot of restaurants.

• 52:54Speaker 06

  I'm like, yeah. I was vegan for two and a half hours the other night and it was truly brutal. And I like, think that they're right. I think it's totally irresponsible to be eating meat at this point, but it's like, I don't know. Like, I'm not in control of stuff. Like, I have to be able to have a little bit of fun.

• 53:08Speaker 04

  No, it's literally one of those things. I had dinner with someone not too long ago who's vegan and he was kind of, he was like, I don't want to do the thing. Cause I asked him about it and he was like, I don't want to do the thing. And I was like, no, do the thing. I want to hear it. And he like said all the, and I was like, yeah, literally you're right. I'm just not that strong.

• 53:22Speaker 06

  Like, I just like, yeah, no, you're right.

• 53:23Speaker 04

  At the end of the day.

• 53:24Speaker 06

  I should totally be vegan, but I had a vegan pad to you and guess what? Wendy's was staring me in the fucking eyes on DoorDash after that.

• 53:30Speaker 04

  Also, I like, not to get graphic, me and, this was years ago, my ex and I went to a vegan restaurant once for Valentine's Day. I woke up on the ceiling. Like, I was so bloated, I was literally like hitting Willy Wonka, like floating. Like, I literally woke up like screaming, like, I can't be digesting food like that. Even vegetarian, the guy I dated before Andy, which was like a year ago, was vegetarian. And I remember kind of being like, I don't know that this is going to work for me.

• 53:52Speaker 06

  Yeah, cause if we can't split, if we can't split some chicken nuggets, I don't really know what we're doing here.

• 53:57Speaker 04

  Well, because I'm a shares these everything at the restaurant kind of guy. And when we have to like now factor in like three, like it, that gets hard for me.

• 54:05Speaker 06

  I consider it a deep insult to myself, the restaurant and the farmers. If there's a steak on the menu and we don't order it, I consider that genuinely disrespectful.

• 54:14Speaker 04

  We have to go to dinner really soon. We need to go to dinner, cause I want to, I want a steak.

• 54:17Speaker 06

  I'm actually going, I think, I think this week I'm going to eat cavolini, cause you said it was good.

• 54:22Speaker 04

  Oh, bitch, it's the, it's, you're gonna be, I hope it's as wonderful, if not more, as it was when I went. It's so good.

• 54:28Speaker 06

  I'm excited.

• 54:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:29Speaker 06

  I'm going with a rich person, so they'll pay.

• 54:31Speaker 04

  Awesome.

• 54:32Speaker 06

  Which means I'm ordering crazy, girl.

• 54:34Speaker 04

  It's so good.

• 54:34Speaker 06

  And I'm taking stuff home as well.

• 54:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, and you should. It's the only time in my life where a dish hit the table, I took one bite and this, I, the server was like, has happened to be still at the table. And I went, can we get another one of these right now?

• 54:45Speaker 06

  See, I love you. I love the way you move through the world.

• 54:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, I like, you should see Lisa and I when we go out together, cause we really sort of, I think are both indulgent in the same way.

• 54:53Speaker 06

  I've been out with the two of you, haven't I?

• 54:55Speaker 04

  At the same time.

• 54:56Speaker 06

  Have we not been out at the same time?

• 54:57Speaker 04

  Happened.

• 54:58Speaker 06

  Maybe we were just talking about you at lunch when we went to the restaurant.

• 55:01Speaker 04

  And I love to know I'm being talked about in a positive way.

• 55:02Speaker 06

  You're being talked about. People love you.

• 55:04Speaker 04

  People love you.

• 55:05Speaker 06

  People really love you. People talk very, don't turn your back on me. People are very nice about you behind your back.

• 55:09Speaker 04

  That is really meaningful to me.

• 55:10Speaker 06

  Never heard a negative word.

• 55:12Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 55:12Speaker 06

  And I look. I search.

• 55:15Speaker 04

  You're digging.

• 55:15Speaker 06

  I try, I go, take cornrows a little, right? And they go, no. And I go, okay, fine.

• 55:19Speaker 04

  Well, you and I have been sharing girls for a long time. People, we've had a lot of Mucci's that we've been loving.

• 55:24Speaker 06

  Yeah, a lot of women in our lives.

• 55:25Speaker 04

  Carly Holmes, a lot of people.

• 55:27Speaker 06

  Holmes, Ruby, Lisa, Krista.

• 55:29Speaker 04

  Ruby.

• 55:30Speaker 06

  The list goes on.

• 55:30Speaker 04

  I mean, yeah, we have a lot of, we have similar tastes.

• 55:32Speaker 06

  Ruby is a sick individual that needs to be handled.

• 55:35Speaker 04

  Fucking level.

• 55:35Speaker 06

  The government needs to do something about Ruby Castor.

• 55:37Speaker 04

  I don't want them to know about her yet.

• 55:39Speaker 06

  No, because once they find out, they're gonna stop her.

• 55:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:42Speaker 06

  And I want her to keep going for at least a little bit.

• 55:44Speaker 04

  I want her to keep going for a little while longer.

• 55:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, she, she's a real problem.

• 55:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, but she's my, she's like a good problem. She's like one I like to have.

• 55:51Speaker 06

  She's my problem.

• 55:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 55:53Speaker 06

  She's a real problem, but she's my problem. No, I love that girl.

• 55:56Speaker 04

  No, she's a genius in a way that's like upsetting.

• 55:58Speaker 06

  It is, and so are you, by the way.

• 55:59Speaker 04

  Well, thank you and sorry.

• 56:00Speaker 06

  Why are you so funny? What happened to you?

• 56:02Speaker 04

  Um, I think like parents, like divorced parents also gay and moved from the suburbs to like the middle of the woods. I think it was like those two.

• 56:11Speaker 06

  Divorced parents, kids who went through this, it seems to be such a big deal to you guys. What happened?

• 56:16Speaker 04

  I think it's like a, I think it's.

• 56:20Speaker 06

  Sorry, I'm, I'm trying to be a good interviewer.

• 56:22Speaker 04

  Totally, totally. What happened?

• 56:24Speaker 06

  Why did that upset you so?

• 56:28Speaker 06

  See, my parents were never together, so sometimes I will be honest, when, I totally get it. I'm like, that probably was really upsetting to you. But there are people who well into their 40s are like, my parents divorced. And I'm like, wow, what happened there?

• 56:40Speaker 04

  I mean, I'm not like that.

• 56:41Speaker 06

  You're not.

• 56:42Speaker 04

  I'm specifically in the way where it makes you be funny is I think it is like, because the people whose parents are still together, which by the way, I can smell them a mile away.

• 56:52Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 56:52Speaker 04

  They stick to it.

• 56:53Speaker 06

  If you have a funny family group chat, I can scope your ass from a fucking football field's distance.

• 56:58Speaker 04

  We just actually go on a run together before every holiday, bury yourself.

• 57:01Speaker 06

  I was in the group chat with my mom and dad and cousins today. Okay, so we have a lot that we don't relate on.

• 57:05Speaker 04

  It's so fucked up.

• 57:06Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 57:06Speaker 04

  It's so fucked up. And like, but, cause people love, people with still married parents love to go, um, well, my parents were together, but they really should be getting divorced. And it's like, that's not the same.

• 57:18Speaker 06

  Stop it.

• 57:19Speaker 04

  Stop it. Cause I think it's specifically the thing of as a child, having to go between two different homes where there's like a different base reality of like, even just reality, like what they think happened in the marriage, but also like what is acceptable rules, what is acceptable behaviors? And then you bring in like stepparents and stuff, it really makes you have to like think on your feet in a way that I think lends itself to comedy. Cause it's also like, you're just always wanting to make a situation better, right? And so you learn how to make things funny pretty quickly, at least in my experience.

• 57:48Speaker 06

  No, I agree. I think that is one of the funniest, like, I think, uh, to the extent that I think I'm funny, I think the reason is because I had, I, from a very early age, had to develop a very quick and intense understanding of what the adults around me needed.

• 58:03Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 58:03Speaker 06

  And I'm like, that is funny because you understand what, you, you look at what everyone wants and you start to get an understanding of like, oh, you find this funny, you find this funny.

• 58:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:11Speaker 06

  If I say this this way, you'll understand it. Like, you get a really good sense of point, of everyone's point of view.

• 58:17Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 58:17Speaker 06

  So your own has to become very sharp very quickly.

• 58:19Speaker 04

  Yeah. And then I think that there's, there was another like second layer to it when I got a little bit older, where like things that were so dramatic and serious growing up, suddenly I was like, wait, what? You know what I mean? Like realizing like, like, I don't know, like when I started to be able to make fun of my dad for cheating on my mom. Like, that was like a thing where I was like, oh, I can like this thing that felt untouched. When you start to realize that like you can, things that are untouchable, you can start to like flip and make fun of and make jokes about. Then you really start to like fly, you know?

• 58:47Speaker 06

  That was a big breakthrough for me and my dad.

• 58:49Speaker 04

  When you have, when you can roast them, that's when it's the fucking best.

• 58:52Speaker 06

  Like, growing up, I was like, obviously we can't talk about like his alcoholism and hoarding, that would be fucked up. And then once it was like, we could make jokes about it, I was like, this, okay, I like this guy.

• 59:02Speaker 04

  That also teaches you how to make jokes about something without being cruel about the thing.

• 59:06Speaker 06

  Exactly.

• 59:06Speaker 04

  You know what I mean? Like, when, learning like to toe that line, that's like, that's when it gets really fun. And Fucked Up Family is really good for that.

• 59:13Speaker 06

  It's, it's tough. I think sometimes when I feel disconnected from new people or strangers or an audience member or something, I'm like, oh, you come from a healthy family. You're not comfortable being poked fun at or like, you, you take things very personally.

• 59:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 59:29Speaker 06

  And I'm like, oh, that's our disconnect. I don't think you're wrong. I don't think that I'm, obviously I don't think that I'm wrong. I'm having a blast. But I'm like, that's, that's our disconnect is you were raised in like a healthy, like two-parent household or something and you're like sensitive.

• 59:41Speaker 04

  That also I think is a regional thing too, because I'm sorry, if you grew up in the Northeast, like you are getting flamed by your family at all times. Like a New England, like, New, like especially, I don't know, coming from Rhode Island, like I had no sense of like fashion growing up. Because if you were like a funny shirt, they'd be like, whoa, Liberace coming down the stairs. Like, just like, you couldn't do anything, you couldn't do anything like sort of quirky. Or like the entire family was like, wow, Jake thinks he's really doing something today, you know?

• 1:00:09Speaker 06

  Also, can I say, you thought you did something as an insult, like as a popular internet insult, is one of my least hated things because I'm like,

• 1:00:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, I did.

• 1:00:16Speaker 06

  Yes. Yeah, that's why I did that.

• 1:00:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:20Speaker 06

  I don't like that. When they're like, they're like, when they say that to someone, like someone's wearing something flamboyant and they're like, he really thought he pulled a fit. It's like, well, yes, he did.

• 1:00:26Speaker 04

  Well, because the, the antithesis is like, what, you tried for nothing?

• 1:00:28Speaker 06

  Right.

• 1:00:28Speaker 04

  Congratulations, you succeeded again and again.

• 1:00:30Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You thought we were, you thought you were gonna be beloved.

• 1:00:34Speaker 06

  Oh, you thought we would be, we would be kind to you and be charmed by that. Well, yes, I was hoping.

• 1:00:38Speaker 04

  No, we have to bring back being really, actually really taking someone down in a way that hurts.

• 1:00:42Speaker 06

  Specific.

• 1:00:42Speaker 04

  Cause you'll, right, I mean, I think about it all the time, the time I'll, one of my most, most brutal takedowns of my life. Um, I, back to school shopping one year, it was the year that I, um, like gay kids everywhere thought the thing that was gonna save them was wearing a like suit vest over a white t-shirt. Do you remember this sort of era?

• 1:01:00Speaker 06

  So I know that was happening to people in other parts of the country.

• 1:01:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was really, and I was in a gap on my hands and knees, begging like a dog for my mom to get me this vest. And she was like, no, like you will not wear it. And I was like, I'll medically die if I don't get the vest. Like, finally, like, finally she gets to the vest.

• 1:01:16Speaker 06

  Trying to prove that you're straight by begging for a vest.

• 1:01:18Speaker 04

  No, like literally, like dying, dying for the vest. And I finally, so I get the vest and I was like, well, you know I'm wearing it first day of school. Like this thing, like I'm doing jeans, white t-shirt, the suit vest, like the waistcoat, I'm gonna rip it, it's gonna be, mind you, I'm, again, rural Vermont.

• 1:01:34Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:01:34Speaker 04

  Right? So it's not really like people are throwing fits outside of like Carhartt. And I walked into school, I walked into school, I got halfway down the hallway and this kid, Stanti, yelled all the way down the hallway, "Ayo boo!", like the monkey from Aladdin.

• 1:01:55Speaker 04

  Everyone looked.

• 1:01:56Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:01:57Speaker 04

  Everyone laughed.

• 1:01:58Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:01:59Speaker 04

  Everyone was justified.

• 1:02:00Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:02:01Speaker 04

  I slinked it off. I put it in my locker. And it lived in my locker for the calendar school year. Like, it lived in my locker the entire school year. And my mom would be like, where was that vest that you made me buy? And I was like, I lost it.

• 1:02:14Speaker 06

  Yeah, it was taken. It was taken from me by force.

• 1:02:17Speaker 04

  It was taken, yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a storm and it flew off my body.

• 1:02:23Speaker 04

  And that was the last time I didn't try anything for a long time.

• 1:02:26Speaker 06

  Dude, I'm certain that I've told this on here before, but I'll tell you just so I, because I don't know if I've told you.

• 1:02:30Speaker 04

  No, and I want to hear it.

• 1:02:30Speaker 06

  I, I remember we, we, we were extremely poor and my mom would only ever get us like thrifted stuff. And I was so, as a kid, I was so fucking mad because I was like, all the other kids have name brand stuff. So she, heartbreaking, she would try to like name, she would try to thrift things that had the name brand. This poor woman, God, God bless her, she got me this Gap sweater. And I can't remember in this moment if it was newer thrifted, but it looked really cute and it was Gap and it had, you know, Gap had it on the chest. And I liked stuff like that as a poor kid because I was like, look, see, I'm like, you guys.

• 1:02:58Speaker 04

  You're gonna say I'm gonna vomit.

• 1:02:59Speaker 06

  No, I, I was so excited to wear it. I wore it to the bus stop and the bus stop was like three blocks away from my house. So like, once I got there, I kind of couldn't go back because it was too much time. I was at the bus, I was so proud and excited to wear my Gap sweater to prove that we like, weren't so poor. And this older kid at the bus stop, um, this older kid at the bus stop was like, really nice sweater. And I was like, thank you. I didn't realize that you could bully someone like that. I thought if you said something like that, you were being nice.

• 1:03:25Speaker 04

  So bad.

• 1:03:25Speaker 06

  And I, he was like, really nice sweater. And I was like, thank you. And he was like, you know what Gap stands for, don't you? And I go, I don't.

• 1:03:32Speaker 06

  He goes, gay ass people. And I was like,

• 1:03:37Speaker 06

  you can't.

• 1:03:40Speaker 06

  But you can't do that. You said you liked it. I was true, it was like he invented.

• 1:03:43Speaker 04

  You got Uno reversed so hard.

• 1:03:45Speaker 06

  He invented a type of bullying in front of me that I didn't even know was possible.

• 1:03:49Speaker 04

  Oh, no.

• 1:03:49Speaker 06

  I was heartbroken.

• 1:03:50Speaker 04

  Round my parts, it was gay and proud.

• 1:03:52Speaker 06

  Well, whatever.

• 1:03:53Speaker 04

  And to whatever is the first child that created that, you will rot in hell and there's no.

• 1:03:58Speaker 06

  You'll go to hell when you die.

• 1:03:59Speaker 04

  The, the pain you cause, you are the Oppenheimer of bullying.

• 1:04:02Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 1:04:02Speaker 04

  Whoever, like the kid who came up with calling it gay and proud or gay as, gay ass people.

• 1:04:06Speaker 06

  Atomic bomb.

• 1:04:07Speaker 04

  You, you created the atomic bomb for across America.

• 1:04:10Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:04:10Speaker 04

  Four decades, it's still going on. Like, they don't sell this, they stopped selling this for a while, I think because no one would buy them because of that. Like this one, whatever kid came up with that, you will go to hell and there's no fix. I don't care if you cure fucking cancer and AIDS, you do a combo, one shot.

• 1:04:23Speaker 06

  Doesn't matter.

• 1:04:24Speaker 04

  Hell for, hell for gay and proud. It is unbelievable the trauma you cause children.

• 1:04:27Speaker 06

  Sometimes when I remember that moment in the middle of a random day in my adult life, I almost fall to my knees.

• 1:04:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:33Speaker 06

  It hurts so bad.

• 1:04:34Speaker 04

  I mean, the best bullying is, because it, the, like, the, your hardest bullies as a child are so, like, it, there's no, like, they will, I used to tell this in my old hour, but the, um, the first time I ever, the, the first time I ever, I used to bully a girl all the time. Because.

• 1:04:54Speaker 06

  Sorry. To just say, I used to bully a girl all the time.

• 1:04:59Speaker 04

  I used to bully a girl all the time because her parents loved each other and my parents did it.

• 1:05:02Speaker 06

  Of course, it's always about you.

• 1:05:04Speaker 04

  And so I would be really mean to her all the time. And so, and then one time in front of the whole class, she went, you know, Jake, I really think it's time you go to the maternity store because your milk came in. And I was a titty boy.

• 1:05:15Speaker 06

  And do you know what's even crazier? There's a non-zero chance that she workshopped that with some like loved ones in her life.

• 1:05:21Speaker 04

  I have to tell you, here's what's fucking, yeah, she must have because here's.

• 1:05:24Speaker 06

  She's like, this kid won't leave me alone. And they're, and like an old, a cool older cousin was like, do this one.

• 1:05:28Speaker 04

  I'm, I swear to God, we were in like the fifth grade.

• 1:05:31Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:05:31Speaker 04

  Like she was like nine.

• 1:05:32Speaker 06

  No, it was given, it came from a higher power.

• 1:05:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:05:35Speaker 06

  Like she talked, she spoke to someone older.

• 1:05:37Speaker 04

  Gun case from under the couch and pulled that one out and was like, so this is what you're.

• 1:05:41Speaker 06

  The next time he bothers you. Like, she showed them a picture and they're like.

• 1:05:43Speaker 04

  And I remember it was in music class and the teacher hadn't walked in the room. So she said it and everyone was like, oh, and I, every, my body chemically changed.

• 1:05:53Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:05:53Speaker 04

  And then this teacher came in not knowing. I was like, okay, start singing, time to sing the songs. And I had to go through all of music class, like, her not knowing that I had just been like bullied within an inch of my life. But also like deservedly so, like I had tortured this girl for years. It was so bad, dude.

• 1:06:08Speaker 06

  I, I had, I had a memory the other day of like, there was one, there was one, a lot of my problems in like grade school came from like genuinely just like not being able to talk. Like the, the times where we were like forced to be silent, I was like, this is prison, this is torture. I am in Guantanamo Bay. Like I am being treated so horribly to not be able to talk is like the worst thing that would ever happen to a kid like me. They should have had a special class that was just called talking for me. And they didn't.

• 1:06:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:06:35Speaker 06

  And I remember there was a rule in this teacher's class, uh, that her, her husband was the football coach and I didn't like him either. So this couple really had a reign over my life for a couple of years. And this teacher, there was a rule that you couldn't have any like MP3 players or anything, which is a good rule actually. But I, we were, I was doing work and I had finished it and I started listening to my MP3 player like with headphones. And I remember Corbin, I will blur, we'll blur his, bleep his last name. Actually, that was mean. He didn't do anything wrong, but he, I heard him behind me talking to her. And he goes, why does Caleb get to listen to an MP3 player? It's against the rules. I want to listen to mine. And the teacher just so, so exasperated goes, Corbin, if it keeps him quiet, I really don't care.

• 1:07:14Speaker 04

  That's awesome.

• 1:07:15Speaker 06

  And I was like, period.

• 1:07:17Speaker 04

  Period.

• 1:07:18Speaker 06

  Like a part of me, I thought about being offended and then I was like, actually bet, I love that.

• 1:07:21Speaker 04

  That's awesome.

• 1:07:22Speaker 06

  I'm getting to do exactly what I want.

• 1:07:24Speaker 04

  That's really awesome.

• 1:07:25Speaker 06

  I loved it. I was like, you know what? Yeah. First of all, fuck you, Corbin. You're a snitch and a snake. And second of all, shout out to the teacher.

• 1:07:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, I love it. She was like, we've come to, she's like, she's driven to this point, that rule's been vetoed for Caleb.

• 1:07:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah. She's like, if he's not talking for literally the, the length of one JoJo song.

• 1:07:40Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 1:07:41Speaker 06

  We're cool with it.

• 1:07:41Speaker 04

  Wait, you know, it's a school memory and I understand we've foregone every segment we're supposed to do because we've been talking too much.

• 1:07:46Speaker 06

  Don't care.

• 1:07:48Speaker 04

  This actually ties into what we were talking about, about not, about working too hard, like to not have a good life. I had, I used to, I was like a pretty good student in school, but like, I was like, kind of one of those students that like, I didn't work hard, so I was never going to be like valedictorian, but I would get like pretty good grades by like just kind of skating.

• 1:08:04Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:08:05Speaker 04

  And there were like a few overachievers that were like very intense in my school. And one of them, I had Spanish class with, and it used to drive me nuts because she would, the homework would be like, write a paragraph in Spanish. And she would come back and be like, sorry, I just wanted to make sure I did a good job. So I did four pages. And we, and then like she'd get an A and we'd all get like A minuses or Bs because like she did better. Like she would like fuck up the curve or whatever and it would like drive me nuts. And one time in Spanish class, you'll have to bleep her name, but one time in Spanish class, I don't, actually I'm not gonna, I don't, whatever. She goes, she goes, oh no, I will have to stand in, but she was, um, she, she did it again. Like there was the, the assignment was like a paragraph and she was like, sorry, I did three pages. Like I just wanted to be really thorough.

• 1:08:49Speaker 04

  And I went, oh great, did three pages again. So we're all going to get Bs because of that. And she went, sorry that I just want to do a good job, Jake. And something, I channeled.

• 1:09:00Speaker 04

  And I turned to her and I went, has it ever occurred to you years from now, when I look back on high school, I'll have friends and memories and you'll have a report card?

• 1:09:07Speaker 06

  Jake.

• 1:09:09Speaker 06

  Jake Cornell.

• 1:09:11Speaker 04

  And a girl behind me, who because I'm from Vermont, was dead ass named Rainbow, went, Jake.

• 1:09:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:26Speaker 06

  I, I had, I, I really understand the moment you were in because I did some, I did some of the like uptight Christian kids, very dirty in that way.

• 1:09:33Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 1:09:34Speaker 06

  I did, it's similar, similar tone where I was like, I'm going to have a really fun life and you're going to have an extremely boring one and I want you to sit with that.

• 1:09:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:40Speaker 06

  Like it really bothered me. I was like, you're being so fucking weird. Why are you Republican when we're 16?

• 1:09:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, it's the same thing. I think you and I are similar where it's like, if someone's low grade mean to us for, over like a long period of time, I'm going to be like high grade mean for 20 seconds one time.

• 1:09:52Speaker 06

  Totally.

• 1:09:52Speaker 04

  And that's going to feel better.

• 1:09:53Speaker 06

  That's going to feel way better because I get to enjoy my days.

• 1:09:56Speaker 04

  A hundred.

• 1:09:57Speaker 06

  But then for this one moment, I get to tap in with the devil.

• 1:09:59Speaker 04

  Yeah. And when you're, when, and it does feel good to be bad sometimes.

• 1:10:02Speaker 06

  It feels so good to be bad sometimes. Sometimes the best thing you can be is bad.

• 1:10:05Speaker 04

  Sometimes the best thing you can be is bad. There's no.

• 1:10:10Speaker 06

  Anytime I say, the funny thing is anytime I say clip it, it's never something compelling.

• 1:10:12Speaker 04

  No, no, no.

• 1:10:13Speaker 06

  Yeah, I always say clip it after something that truly sucks.

• 1:10:19Speaker 06

  I'll say something so uncompelling and uninteresting and I'll be like, yeah, run it. It has never been interesting anytime I've ever done that. Oh God, there was something we talked about earlier that I want to cut and I can't remember what it was. You can leave that in though.

• 1:10:33Speaker 04

  It was something you said, like.

• 1:10:34Speaker 06

  No, no, no, it was certainly something I said. Uh, Jake, what's so true to you?

• 1:10:38Speaker 04

  Um, I think we all need to be going to places less, or less places. I think we all need to be going to less places.

• 1:10:42Speaker 06

  Say more.

• 1:10:43Speaker 04

  I think that, that we're currently, and I'm seeing people and I, like, we travel for work, it's a little different, but like, I'm seeing people go to like 15 destinations in a summer and a different restaurant every day. Guys, we need to be regulars places. Your life is going to be better. You found two restaurants you like with your friends, go there all the time.

• 1:10:59Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:10:59Speaker 04

  We don't need to be collecting every experience like Pokemon cards. Like you can build relationships with places. I think like social media has made us all think that we need to be doing like a million different places. Like go on the same vacation every year, get to know the people there, like build relationships. I think we're all running around too much.

• 1:11:13Speaker 06

  Yeah. There, I really agree with this on some level. I do, I want new places, but also when I go to a place I've been to before, like I, I was traveling with someone recently that we were going to the same city we'd already been to. And I was like, oh, let's go to that restaurant we loved. And they're like, well, we went last time. And I'm like, yeah. That's why I'd like to go back. I enjoyed the experience.

• 1:11:29Speaker 04

  I don't understand this aversion. It's like, I always say this, it pisses me off when someone, when I'm, someone's like, what do you want for dinner? I'm like, ooh, let's do the Mexican. And they're like, well, I had Mexican last night. I'm like, so what do you think happens in Mexico?

• 1:11:41Speaker 06

  It's a thing you can do two nights in a row, actually.

• 1:11:43Speaker 04

  That like drives me the fuck nuts. Like sometimes I'll have sushi for lunch and be like, I'm going to do sushi for dinner. Like I don't get that mentality. And I think people always look like, oh my, because like I'm, I go to restaurants a lot and I used to work in restaurants. And sometimes you'll talk to someone that'd be like, I want to be a regular somewhere. And I'm like, have you ever gone to a restaurant three times? And they're like, they're like, why would I do that? I'm like, so do you see the dissonance?

• 1:12:03Speaker 06

  Right. There's, there's a really easy fillable gap in between what you're saying you want and what you're doing.

• 1:12:08Speaker 04

  Like quite truly, it's like go somewhere often, don't be an asshole.

• 1:12:11Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:12:12Speaker 04

  You, you will become a regular.

• 1:12:13Speaker 06

  God, being a regular somewhere is the best.

• 1:12:15Speaker 04

  It's. It's the most.

• 1:12:16Speaker 06

  It's the coolest thing ever. It's the most important thing in life and you really don't have to. I think sometimes too, when you talk about being a regular somewhere, people imagine that you have to like, spend a fuck ton of money or something. It's like, pick a bar, have one drink.

• 1:12:28Speaker 04

  Hang out, be a fun time, tip decently, like tip well to decent.

• 1:12:32Speaker 06

  One of the biggest accomplishments I've ever had in my regular journey is that there was a wine bar by my apartment that was too fancy to have Diet Coke and I complained enough. Every time I went in, I was like, I want to come in here and read my book and buy, I wanted to get like, to have like an oyster plate. I was like, I'm gonna get oysters. I'm always gonna tip like 300% for the amount of time I sat here.

• 1:12:50Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 1:12:51Speaker 06

  I, you guys have to get Diet Coke. It's out of control. And they're like, we can't put Diet Coke on the menu. Chef won't let us. And I'm like, chef needs to come out here and speak to my face.

• 1:12:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:12:58Speaker 06

  About Diet Coke. Like chef doesn't even control the drink. Chef is in the kitchen. And eventually I came in and they were like, they're like, one second. And they like went under the bar and they don't serve it, but they gave me a Diet Coke. And I was like, that's what I get. That's what I deserve.

• 1:13:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:13:13Speaker 06

  I come in here, I'm a delight. I know everyone's name. I tip well.

• 1:13:16Speaker 04

  That's like, and that's the fucking shit. And it's like, and also you want to talk about a dating hack? You'll never look cooler when you, when you take the person you're seeing on a date and you're a regular somewhere and like they.

• 1:13:24Speaker 06

  Well, you gotta be careful with that.

• 1:13:26Speaker 04

  Well, you, it's, you gotta, I'm talking once you're like in.

• 1:13:28Speaker 06

  Once you're in, yeah.

• 1:13:30Speaker 04

  Not first dates, not second, but like.

• 1:13:32Speaker 06

  I've taken some, I've taken some second dates to regular spots to impress and I've paid a price.

• 1:13:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, you can't be doing that.

• 1:13:37Speaker 06

  Yeah, cuz you do look really cool and then they want to go there.

• 1:13:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:13:39Speaker 06

  And now it's like, we're okay. Several weeks from now, we're both on.

• 1:13:42Speaker 04

  Or, or it's the other thing where you are, the second date is the date where you realizing you actually don't fuck with them. And now you have to telepathically communicate to the staff that you have a relationship with, like, I don't like him either.

• 1:13:51Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:13:53Speaker 04

  On the date, you're being like, I hate this. Like, it's like that, that geometry gets really tough.

• 1:13:57Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah. They're like, another drink for you guys. And you're like, the check.

• 1:13:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:59Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:14:00Speaker 04

  The check, he'll pay.

• 1:14:01Speaker 06

  No, like, it's just, it sucks. Yeah, you have to let them know cuz you also don't want them to get attached. It's kind of like if you have kids as a single parent. You can't bring a guy around too soon.

• 1:14:10Speaker 04

  No, yes, yes.

• 1:14:11Speaker 06

  Then they'll start forming attachments and you're like, this guy's not coming around a lot.

• 1:14:13Speaker 04

  I left him.

• 1:14:14Speaker 06

  Yeah, I know. He's not coming back around a lot.

• 1:14:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, but no, I think people need to invest more in going to places regularly.

• 1:14:22Speaker 06

  Fewer places, more.

• 1:14:23Speaker 04

  Fewer places, more.

• 1:14:24Speaker 06

  I like this. I support this. I really agree with you.

• 1:14:26Speaker 04

  Also, I feel that way with vacations. Like, to your point, like, like going to like the same, obviously like people go to like Fire Island and probably like, do that repeat all the time. But like, I think with other, like go, if you have like a trip that you did with your friends once and it was like awesome, do it again.

• 1:14:40Speaker 06

  Yeah. Well, new, new is such an addicting thing and it's a problem.

• 1:14:45Speaker 04

  This is like, kind of my point. He's like, cuz I'm like, I look at people, like, I, I'm like, what are you chasing?

• 1:14:51Speaker 06

  Right.

• 1:14:51Speaker 04

  Like, I understand the idea of like wanting to see new places, but a lot of these places you're going, especially if they're like beach resort towns or like whatever, it's like, there's not that much variety. Like unless you're like doing true anthropological, like you're going in and going to the museums and seeing the history, then like all, you can touche me on that. But like, if you're just going to like hang out in a beautiful place and you found a beautiful place that you liked, go back.

• 1:15:13Speaker 06

  See, this is actually a message I need to hear though, because when I say new is a problem, I mean for Caleb.

• 1:15:17Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:15:17Speaker 06

  I think it's also a societal problem, but Caleb has a problem with new for sure.

• 1:15:20Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:15:21Speaker 06

  New, I love. New is so good.

• 1:15:23Speaker 04

  Do you think in like across all, like are we talking like restaurants, boys, travel? Yeah.

• 1:15:28Speaker 06

  Yeah, all of it. I love new and old can actually get so boring. So new is exciting because it's unknown. But old, familiar, yeah, I, I agree with your take and I'm actually wanting to get more there and I've worked on it and gotten better.

• 1:15:41Speaker 04

  Do a mix. You have to do a mix, but I think people are completely un, unvaluing old.

• 1:15:46Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:15:46Speaker 04

  And you need old. And I think probably the thing is for you and I, me to an extent, like, we get old from our friends. Cuz like we don't, obviously we're always open to new friends, but like we're sticking with the friends we have. Like we have like, we're really good, but we have like friend relationships that are like long and deep.

• 1:16:00Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:16:00Speaker 04

  So like that can, that, we get like the old scratch from that, but like do it in other places too.

• 1:16:05Speaker 06

  I'm trying. I've gotten better.

• 1:16:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:16:06Speaker 06

  I've gotten better, but this is.

• 1:16:07Speaker 04

  I mean, this wine bar sounds like you did good work there.

• 1:16:08Speaker 06

  This is a word that I needed to hear. I needed to hear you're so true today. And I want to thank you for bringing it to us.

• 1:16:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm glad you liked it.

• 1:16:14Speaker 06

  Do you wanna play a game?

• 1:16:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, I would love to.

• 1:16:15Speaker 06

  I have a game for you. Do you know of it?

• 1:16:17Speaker 04

  It's the, it's the true false, right?

• 1:16:18Speaker 06

  That's correct. Have you ever watched my podcast before? Be honest.

• 1:16:22Speaker 04

  Clips, never a full episode. No, I think I did watch one of Lisa's full ones once when I was like, I think I put a Lisa episode on like while I was cleaning or something.

• 1:16:28Speaker 06

  That's really sweet. I wouldn't be offended by anything. Watching the clips is enough.

• 1:16:31Speaker 04

  But I watch a lot of the clips.

• 1:16:32Speaker 06

  I've never watched a full episode of any podcast in my life. I've only watched enough, like if I'm going on some ones, I'll watch or listen to enough to understand what I'm getting into.

• 1:16:40Speaker 04

  I'm actually, I meant to tell you this cuz I think, I thought you would appreciate this. I'm currently in like a very active pivot to intentionally listening to less podcasts and more music.

• 1:16:48Speaker 06

  Good.

• 1:16:49Speaker 04

  It's, and I think it's like good for my brain. In like a very, um, there's a couple of albums that are really helping me right now that I've like finally gotten addicted to that are like really helping me.

• 1:16:57Speaker 06

  Ooh, I can't wait to hear about them. Okay. I'm gonna read you 15 statements, Jake. You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false.

• 1:17:02Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:17:03Speaker 06

  If you get 10 or more correct, we're gonna give you 50 US dollars.

• 1:17:05Speaker 04

  Holy shit.

• 1:17:06Speaker 06

  Are you ready?

• 1:17:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:07Speaker 06

  Australia has one time zone.

• 1:17:10Speaker 04

  Uh, true.

• 1:17:11Speaker 06

  False. ESPN stands for Entertainment and Sports Programming Network.

• 1:17:16Speaker 04

  True.

• 1:17:16Speaker 06

  True. The tallest person ever recorded was nine foot two.

• 1:17:19Speaker 04

  False.

• 1:17:20Speaker 06

  False. Eight eleven. Connect Four first went on sale in 1950.

• 1:17:24Speaker 04

  False.

• 1:17:25Speaker 06

  False. 1974. John Deere was born in Jackson, Mississippi.

• 1:17:28Speaker 04

  He was born in my hometown of Rutland, Vermont.

• 1:17:30Speaker 06

  Yeah, he was born in Rutland, Vermont.

• 1:17:32Speaker 04

  Do you know I'm from Rutland? Okay, cool.

• 1:17:36Speaker 06

  There's.

• 1:17:36Speaker 04

  So funny.

• 1:17:36Speaker 06

  There's no Roman numeral for zero.

• 1:17:41Speaker 04

  False?

• 1:17:41Speaker 06

  True.

• 1:17:42Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:17:42Speaker 06

  The, the national animal of Scotland is a unicorn.

• 1:17:44Speaker 04

  True.

• 1:17:45Speaker 06

  True. A horologist studies and repairs irrigation systems.

• 1:17:48Speaker 04

  H I R?

• 1:17:50Speaker 06

  H, H O R O, L O G I S T.

• 1:17:52Speaker 04

  True.

• 1:17:53Speaker 06

  It's false. Clocks and watches. And who knows if I said that right. Sorry to the clocks and watches community. RuPaul and Cory Baker are cousins. Cory Booker, sorry.

• 1:18:01Speaker 04

  True.

• 1:18:01Speaker 06

  That is true. The University of Vermont's mascot is Rocky Catamount.

• 1:18:05Speaker 04

  Is his name Rocky? It is a catamount. I'm gonna be, fuck you for this. Uh, true.

• 1:18:11Speaker 06

  False. His name's Rally.

• 1:18:13Speaker 04

  Rallycat. Fuck.

• 1:18:17Speaker 04

  Some of my friends have had sex with him.

• 1:18:20Speaker 06

  That's awesome. Task Rabbit was originally called Run My Air End.

• 1:18:23Speaker 04

  True.

• 1:18:24Speaker 06

  True. Santo Domingo is the capital of the Dominican Republic.

• 1:18:27Speaker 04

  True.

• 1:18:28Speaker 06

  True. The Hartford Current is the oldest newspaper in the US.

• 1:18:32Speaker 04

  True.

• 1:18:33Speaker 06

  True. The square root of 144 is 22.

• 1:18:37Speaker 04

  It's 12.

• 1:18:38Speaker 06

  False, it's 12. Panera Bread started in Omaha.

• 1:18:40Speaker 04

  No, it's the St. Louis Bread Company.

• 1:18:42Speaker 06

  False, St. Louis. How do you do?

• 1:18:43Speaker 04

  Eleven.

• 1:18:44Speaker 06

  Wow, Jake.

• 1:18:46Speaker 04

  So embarrassing. I got Rallycat wrong. I went there. I gra, I have a, I have a diploma from there. Rallycat.

• 1:18:52Speaker 06

  I'm really proud of you. That was an awesome showing in the true false segment. Right before this episode, I spilled a giant glass of water down my pants and you got here and I was just in my underwear. That's something people need to know about this episode.

• 1:19:03Speaker 04

  I don't think I clocked that it wasn't just short shorts until you said it.

• 1:19:07Speaker 06

  I do wear shorts that short, so that's actually really powerful and beautiful.

• 1:19:10Speaker 04

  You can never know.

• 1:19:11Speaker 06

  You can never know if a gay guy's wearing shorts or underwear. You can absolutely never know. It's impossible to say.

• 1:19:16Speaker 04

  I came in, he was in underwear and a shirt that said, don't fuck me till I've had my kisses. And I was like.

• 1:19:20Speaker 06

  Don't fuck me till I've had my kisses is actually legendary.

• 1:19:23Speaker 04

  I, I, I kind of want you to make that like merch for the pod.

• 1:19:25Speaker 06

  Everyone who's watching or listening, just make me a deal. Don't make that shirt. I really do think we're gonna make that one.

• 1:19:31Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:19:31Speaker 06

  We like claim we're gonna do merch on this podcast a lot.

• 1:19:33Speaker 04

  I think I would love, I would buy that shirt in a second.

• 1:19:37Speaker 06

  Don't fuck me till I've had my kisses. It's actually like so cute.

• 1:19:40Speaker 04

  It has to be a mug and it has to be a shirt.

• 1:19:43Speaker 06

  I think it needs to feel like, do you know Horse Mafia?

• 1:19:46Speaker 04

  What's that?

• 1:19:47Speaker 06

  Horse Mafia is this page that I had to stop using because I learned it was AI and I thought it was actually just one woman going really crazy on design. But Horse Mafia is this a, awesome page that like, it's like, happy Tuesday, let's have joy, let's be grateful and let's tell each other hello when we see each other outside. Like, and it'll be like butterflies and shit. It's really awesome. It actually really improved my mental health for a number of years. Then I had to leave them due to the AI, but it's stuff like this. Good morning. We thank you, Lord, for bringing us through the summer season. Go bless your Tuesday. Happy fall. And we thank you for waking us up to see the first day of autumn. We are so grateful for life. Happy Tuesday. And it's a smiling scarecrow with a pumpkin. Uh, click on the rabbit. Fuck, you make me so happy. I wish they were made by somebody.

• 1:20:27Speaker 04

  There's a phone number. Who called, who does it call?

• 1:20:29Speaker 06

  Oh, fuck, this one's really sad.

• 1:20:31Speaker 04

  Wait, can I read this one?

• 1:20:32Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:20:34Speaker 04

  Wait, just so that, are they gonna be able to?

• 1:20:36Speaker 06

  They'll see it. We'll put it on there.

• 1:20:39Speaker 04

  I've fallen and cried. I've been angry and afraid, but even when I was hurting, I knew God was by my side and he helped me to keep going. No matter what, keep going. God has a plan for you.

• 1:20:49Speaker 06

  I've fallen and cried is just like a crazy opening line for this one.

• 1:20:52Speaker 04

  That's awesome.

• 1:20:53Speaker 06

  But yeah, that's, this is what I think the vibe of don't fuck me till I've had my kisses should be.

• 1:20:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's, it is, the comments on the site are fucking.

• 1:21:00Speaker 06

  Thank you, beautiful. Amen. Thank you. Amen. And I need you. God, these are so special. Horse Mafia is so special. We'll put one of these on the screen so people know what I'm talking about.

• 1:21:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, but that would be, that, the vibe of that could be really good. Like a, a beautiful sunrise and it just says, don't fuck me till.

• 1:21:15Speaker 06

  Don't fuck me till I've had my kisses is like. And it also, by the way, of course, don't fuck me till I've had my kisses, there's obviously the literal translation, which is like literally, don't fuck me till I've had my kisses. But then of course, there's also the spiritual translation.

• 1:21:28Speaker 04

  A hundred percent.

• 1:21:29Speaker 06

  Which is like, before you can take from me, you gotta give a little treat.

• 1:21:32Speaker 04

  There's also another connotation. Yeah, I was gonna say, it's sort of like when you give a dog a really nice meal before you put it down.

• 1:21:39Speaker 06

  One of my favorite things to think about.

• 1:21:42Speaker 06

  Because it is such a cool thing to do for the dog. You have to give him his kisses.

• 1:21:46Speaker 04

  You have to give a dog his kisses.

• 1:21:47Speaker 06

  Don't fuck me till, don't fuck me till I've had my kisses is, it's not, it's really more of a movement and a way of living. It's a lifestyle.

• 1:21:54Speaker 04

  It's, it, it is so universal. I think that like for me, it's, this will be a before and after where it's like before we talked about, don't fuck me before I've had my kisses and after. Like I will think about this from now on.

• 1:22:04Speaker 06

  Don't fuck me till I've had my kisses is, yeah, I think there was a time in my life before that and a time afterwards for sure. And I think what it is, is it's a, it's a mindset of reciprocity and generosity.

• 1:22:14Speaker 04

  I think for also merch, we should do like, what would Jesus do bracelets, but don't fuck me till I've had my kisses.

• 1:22:18Speaker 06

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:22:19Speaker 04

  Like DF, like DF, yeah, the Livestrong.

• 1:22:22Speaker 06

  Wait, should So True Podcast bring back the Livestrong bracelet?

• 1:22:25Speaker 04

  Can I tell you something fucking crazy? I saw a Livestrong in the wild recently. I swear to God, I was with a friend and I went Livestrong bracelet. And they, they were like, no. And I was like, it's behind you. Turn around. And they were like.

• 1:22:37Speaker 06

  Mama, a Livestrong bracelet behind you.

• 1:22:39Speaker 04

  No, mama, a Livestrong bracelet behind you. And they were like.

• 1:22:45Speaker 06

  There was a period of time in like middle school, high school, where if you were gonna have any sort of event, you had to have one of those bracelets made.

• 1:22:51Speaker 04

  Oh, a hundred percent.

• 1:22:52Speaker 06

  Where it was like, there were all different kinds of colors. I remember being on like a merch website in like eighth grade and being like, we should get like pink camo ones, it'd be ironic.

• 1:22:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was like, well, then they all had like, it was also so funny, cause it was like, it took the nation over in such a way, and it was for Lance Armstrong and testicular cancer. Like, it's such like a different, like, why did that take off?

• 1:23:10Speaker 06

  We can't ever know.

• 1:23:11Speaker 04

  No, we'll never know.

• 1:23:12Speaker 06

  We can't ever know, but yeah, so true merch. They're always asking me to do merch that the, my, some of the people that I work with.

• 1:23:18Speaker 04

  Do you have no merch for the pod?

• 1:23:20Speaker 06

  We haven't had it in a long time. I just feel kinda bad. I know people want it, but I like, feel just kinda bad promoting another thing. I'm like, what I really want people to do, watching the show is plenty. Sharing stuff is plenty. Going to see my movie, if it comes out in theaters, is plenty. I just feel like it's another thing.

• 1:23:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, but you have to remember, like, they get a thing they want. Like, they're not buying, I don't thi- I think you're thinking of it as like, they're buying it as like, let me support Caleb. I think people want a fucking shirt. Like, and I think people listening to this want a shirt that says, don't fuck me till I've had my kisses.

• 1:23:48Speaker 06

  My kisses is really actually like-

• 1:23:50Speaker 04

  It's so good.

• 1:23:51Speaker 06

  No, I'm feeling like so moved and inspired by don't fuck me till I've had my kisses. Cause it really is like that.

• 1:23:55Speaker 04

  No, it's, it's like my new saying, it could be, that should be, it like, honestly, it's also like a really good, like, like Scruff username, or like Grinder username.

• 1:24:03Speaker 06

  I actually, like, I legit, actually unfortunately think on my next tour, I might have to become like one of those comics.

• 1:24:08Speaker 04

  It's like, you're letting me get my denim?

• 1:24:10Speaker 06

  It's like, it's true, it's like, don't fuck me till I've won! Had my kisses!

• 1:24:22Speaker 06

  Don't fuck me! Till I've had my kisses! Like, it's like a crazy-

• 1:24:28Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 1:24:28Speaker 06

  Or you can even, you could break it up and be like, don't, what? Fuck me! Till I've had what? My kisses! Like, you could really have some fun with the pacing of it.

• 1:24:39Speaker 04

  Oh my god, they start people at, like, when you take your ballad, and people are throwing fistfuls of Hershey kisses.

• 1:24:43Speaker 06

  Oh! I say, don't fuck me, you say, till I've had my kisses! We do it like for like 10 minutes straight.

• 1:24:52Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's a beautiful life.

• 1:24:53Speaker 04

  And you only have to tour with 15 minutes of material, cause this crowd work does 45 of it.

• 1:24:58Speaker 06

  Truly, this is the 45 minute section, yeah. I have like 15 minutes of material on like, uh, the, the economy and the environment. And then I do 45 minutes of don't fuck me till I've had my kisses, call and response.

• 1:25:08Speaker 04

  Greta Thunberg does that, does a so long presentation on the environment that you come out.

• 1:25:12Speaker 06

  PowerPoint, yeah. Yeah, and then I come out and do, don't fuck me till I've had my kisses. We should call the next tour, don't fuck me till I've had my kisses.

• 1:25:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's so good.

• 1:25:20Speaker 06

  Ah, it's really good. No, we're, we're, we're really maybe gonna do something with it, you guys.

• 1:25:23Speaker 04

  It's huge.

• 1:25:24Speaker 06

  So no one make it, no one make it, okay? Guys, if you're watching, listening, don't steal this from me.

• 1:25:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, no ripoff merch.

• 1:25:29Speaker 06

  I never ask this of you guys.

• 1:25:30Speaker 04

  Here's the other thing, is that like, the pod's not out, like, you could get the ball rolling on this right now, and the merch could drop by the time this episode comes out.

• 1:25:36Speaker 06

  That's true. And I don't move like that, and neither does anyone who works for me.

• 1:25:41Speaker 04

  No way, no way, and here's the thing.

• 1:25:44Speaker 06

  She's kinda faintly saying, what?

• 1:25:46Speaker 04

  No, but like, here's the thing, when I said, as I said it, I literally felt the energy of all four of you being like, that's not what's gonna happen.

• 1:25:54Speaker 06

  Yeah, well, because it starts from the top, and I don't move like that, so-

• 1:25:57Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 1:25:58Speaker 06

  It's the vibe that I set, that we have an idea and we really sit on it. I mean, we've been talking about going on tour again for two years.

• 1:26:04Speaker 04

  You gotta go on tour!

• 1:26:05Speaker 06

  Like, it's, I'm gonna go next year, we're gonna go next year, we're gonna have a lot of fun.

• 1:26:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, get the merch going for that, cause that's a good shirt.

• 1:26:10Speaker 06

  Don't fuck me till I've had my kisses is so special and beautiful. Wait, what was I thinking? You were saying, we could get ahead of it, we haven't put the episode out yet. Oh, well, I was gonna ask you, have I ever told you about the time my mom came to dinner with me wearing bootleg merch?

• 1:26:23Speaker 04

  No, that's awesome.

• 1:26:24Speaker 06

  My mom showed up to dinner with me, I, she was already there drinking a beer, and I walk up, and she like puts the beer down, and I see the shirt. It's a shirt I've never seen before, that says, it's like a green hoodie, with like red text, a color palette I would never put out.

• 1:26:37Speaker 04

  It's like Christmas?

• 1:26:38Speaker 06

  Truly, and it says, Caleb Hearon came to my city and all I got was this shirt. And I go-

• 1:26:44Speaker 04

  That's funny.

• 1:26:45Speaker 06

  I go, so where'd you get that?

• 1:26:48Speaker 06

  And she, and she goes, they gave it to me on Facebook, and I go, they served it to you on Facebook, okay? And, you bought it? And she goes, yeah, and I go, where from? She goes, from Facebook, and I go, it wasn't from Facebook, but okay.

• 1:26:59Speaker 04

  Her identity is gone.

• 1:27:00Speaker 06

  Truly, and then I go, and then I go, did you buy other stuff? And she goes, I bought three or four things. And I go, okay, so you bought out, like, the merch from whoever did this?

• 1:27:08Speaker 04

  It's the collection.

• 1:27:09Speaker 06

  Truly, I don't know who did this, but someone made like a hundred twenty dollars from my mom.

• 1:27:13Speaker 04

  So funny.

• 1:27:14Speaker 06

  Keep in mind, if she wanted any of my actual merch, all she had to do was ask, we could've just sent it to her. It gets, my merch gets made in Kansas City, it's down the street. It's like not a hard, crazy, crazy, I have a picture somewhere, I'll try to find it and put it in the episode.

• 1:27:26Speaker 04

  That's so funny.

• 1:27:27Speaker 06

  We'll put right here, a picture of Kelly wearing that shirt.

• 1:27:29Speaker 04

  I can't wait to see it.

• 1:27:30Speaker 06

  She's really the coolest person who's ever lived.

• 1:27:32Speaker 04

  Your mom is really special.

• 1:27:32Speaker 06

  She fucking rocks.

• 1:27:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:27:34Speaker 06

  To show up to dinner with your son, wearing bootleg merch for him, is like, she's moming in a way that many people could never.

• 1:27:39Speaker 04

  That's really, really funny.

• 1:27:40Speaker 06

  Anyway-

• 1:27:41Speaker 04

  I love my mom too.

• 1:27:42Speaker 06

  Hey, like, shout out to your mom.

• 1:27:43Speaker 04

  Shout out, hi mom, hi Jill, love you.

• 1:27:45Speaker 06

  Jill, shout out Jill, does she have any nicknames?

• 1:27:48Speaker 04

  No, like Jill, like, she's a very, like, just Jill.

• 1:27:51Speaker 06

  It's Jill.

• 1:27:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:27:52Speaker 06

  Just Jill with a J.

• 1:27:53Speaker 04

  Just Jill with a J.

• 1:27:54Speaker 06

  Jake, we love you, thank you for doing this. Do you wanna tell people where they can find you?

• 1:27:57Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, you can follow me at Jake W Cornell, and all my tour dates are on sale at jakecornell.com.

• 1:28:03Speaker 06

  We love you.

• 1:28:04Speaker 00

  Let's be honest, you don't go to the family holiday gift exchange just to participate. You go to win. This year, get a gift that'll cause a stir. A KitchenAid stand mixer. It's not just an appliance, it's a present to help them with the making. Year after year, recipe after recipe, you're enabling the family to whip up new traditions. 'Tis your season to mix it up. Gift a KitchenAid stand mixer this year, and make more than meals.

• 1:28:34Speaker 01

  At Peloton, sometimes thinking big means thinking small. Introducing the new Peloton Tread Flex. Our first foldable and movable tread that's just about three feet stowed, so you can roll it away, with an ultra-quiet and comfortable belt that whispers while you run. Made to fit however you move, and fit to move wherever you like. Let yourself run, Peloton. Explore Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com.

• 1:29:03Speaker 04

  Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile, with a message for everyone paying big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop. With Mint, you can get premium wireless for just fifteen dollars a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying, no judgments, but that's weird. Okay, one judgment. Anyway, give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch.

• 1:29:24Speaker 03

  Upfront payment of forty-five dollars for three-month plan, equivalent to fifteen dollars per month required. Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See full terms at mintmobile.com.