Pod Insights So True with Caleb Hearon Grace Kuhlenschmidt Returns About this episode Welcome! This week’s guest is the hilarious Grace Kuhlenschmidt! Grace and Caleb talk about the pains of moving to New York, the math that goes into Time Zones, coming out, fedoras, and much more!
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Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud
So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Virginia Muller. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York.
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Transcript 13,220 words · 7 speakers
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1:30 Speaker 03 Wave.
1:33 Speaker 04 People who work in real estate, many of them need to go to prison.
1:39 Speaker 03 Totally.
1:39 Speaker 04 Many of them are doing unfathomable crimes.
1:41 Speaker 03 And I will completely agree with you and even add, my mom's a real estate agent.
1:45 Speaker 04 Totally. And I don't know how she's doing her business.
1:47 Speaker 03 I don't know if she absolutely... She needs to be locked up.
1:56 Speaker 04 We have an, we have an episode recording this week at 8 a.m. And Ike, for two weeks, I've been looking out on the calendar, like, something has to give.
2:02 Speaker 03 No, like, how are you gonna do that?
2:04 Speaker 04 Something that people do every day, might you? Go to their job at 8 a.m.
2:08 Speaker 03 I had a thought today where I was like, okay, Caleb wants me there at 11 a.m., which means I need to be ready at 10 30, need to leave at 10 30, which means I need to be up by 10, which means I need to be up in the nines.
2:20 Speaker 04 Yeah. Wow. Wow. I'm up in the nines.
2:25 Speaker 03 I have to be up in the nines to do something not till the 11th?
2:28 Speaker 04 See, you've changed and lost touch. You've changed and lost touch. Cause the grace I knew.
2:34 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah, she was up.
2:35 Speaker 04 She was in the mines.
2:36 Speaker 03 She wasn't sleeping.
2:37 Speaker 04 At 5 a.m.
2:38 Speaker 03 No way.
2:38 Speaker 04 You've changed.
2:39 Speaker 03 You think?
2:40 Speaker 04 Don't you think? And this is only one such example. I have many more.
2:42 Speaker 03 Oh, really? What are the other examples?
2:44 Speaker 04 Oh, the way you talk to service workers.
2:46 Speaker 03 So honestly, I've always done that. I have, oh, I've been so fucking consistent with that.
2:52 Speaker 04 That's not new. That's not new.
2:54 Speaker 03 That's when you work in the service industry, you know it's all inside jokes.
2:57 Speaker 04 Yeah.
2:58 Speaker 03 When you say, "I'm not tipping."
3:00 Speaker 04 Yeah, when you, but you screamed, like, "Where's my fucking ranch?"
3:03 Speaker 03 Right. But baby, you've had ranch.
3:08 Speaker 03 You know why someone would get so emotional about it.
3:11 Speaker 04 The idea of you defending that story, being like, well, come on, where's my ranch?
3:16 Speaker 03 It's ranch.
3:17 Speaker 04 Yeah.
3:18 Speaker 03 It's not ketchup.
3:19 Speaker 04 There's a really nice guy, there's a really nice guy who, that actually, by the way, what you said wasn't untrue. Ranch over ketchup, because ketchup, they just leave on the table. Ranch, they have to bring out.
3:29 Speaker 03 Completely.
3:29 Speaker 04 So it is a different thing.
3:30 Speaker 03 And they get weird about it too. And it's like, I, I know it's a bottle back there. Like, it's not homemade.
3:35 Speaker 04 Bring it out.
3:36 Speaker 03 Because I would hate if it were homemade.
3:38 Speaker 04 I don't like homemade stuff.
3:39 Speaker 03 I don't need that.
3:40 Speaker 04 There's a guy that works at the coffee shop that I go into a lot. He's really sweet. But he's so, I love this. I think I'm the problem here. He's so cheery. And he's like, I walk in, he's like, "Morning, Caleb. What are we thinking for the holidays?" And, and like, no, and I love it. And I'm like, that is correct. It is ultimately like, I have become like a, until I've had my coffee, kind of person.
4:02 Speaker 03 Completely.
4:02 Speaker 04 As I've gotten a little older. And I don't like that. That's humiliating. But it really is like forcing me very early in the morning every day to like, think about what kind of person I want to be.
4:10 Speaker 03 Absolutely. Because I like to think I'm a morning person in the way that like, I feel better when I'm up in the morning.
4:18 Speaker 04 Yeah.
4:19 Speaker 03 But like, no part of me has ever wanted to wake up, like, ever. Ever.
4:24 Speaker 04 Ever.
4:24 Speaker 03 I can't think of a single day in my life besides like, let's be real, Christmas morning, that I have been like, it's, I want to get out of bed.
4:33 Speaker 04 I'll own it, Christmas morning.
4:34 Speaker 03 I'm thirty years old and I'm still like, I've never wanted to get up out of bed except for Christmas morning.
4:39 Speaker 04 Yeah.
4:40 Speaker 03 Just the way that it is.
4:41 Speaker 04 I love that.
4:42 Speaker 03 Yeah.
4:42 Speaker 04 What's the best Christmas gift you think you've ever gotten?
4:49 Speaker 03 Do you have two and a half hours for me to stare into space and think?
4:52 Speaker 04 Yeah.
4:53 Speaker 03 Huh.
4:56 Speaker 03 Okay, this actually isn't a gift that I got.
4:58 Speaker 04 Okay, that's okay.
5:00 Speaker 03 So it's actually, do you mind if I don't answer your question really quick?
5:03 Speaker 04 Absolutely, absolutely.
5:04 Speaker 03 Okay, cool.
5:05 Speaker 04 I couldn't care, I couldn't care.
5:06 Speaker 03 You're so chill about those kinds of things.
5:08 Speaker 04 I'm not like one of those guys.
5:09 Speaker 03 Okay, so, this is obviously, like I just said, not a gift I got, but my neighbors got. My neighbors got electric scooters when I was in third grade.
5:19 Speaker 04 Tough.
5:19 Speaker 03 And that was actually, they were my friends.
5:22 Speaker 04 Yeah.
5:22 Speaker 03 So I got to use those scooters and that weirdly was for me, the best Christmas gift I ever got, because my parents would have never, ever gotten that for me.
5:31 Speaker 04 I was sad for you at first because I was like, they got scooters and you didn't, but I never thought about what community could look like.
5:36 Speaker 03 No, it was, seriously, it was so, so beautiful.
5:39 Speaker 04 Yeah.
5:39 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm. And by the way, I just want to say, these were Hanukkah gifts for them.
5:43 Speaker 04 Yeah.
5:43 Speaker 03 So this was really like, they had just-
5:45 Speaker 04 So they got eight of them?
5:49 Speaker 03 Yeah, they did.
5:49 Speaker 04 They got eight scooters?
5:50 Speaker 03 See, this guy really knows Hanukkah, it's true.
5:52 Speaker 04 Oh my god.
5:52 Speaker 03 It's true.
5:53 Speaker 04 I wish I was Jewish.
5:54 Speaker 03 But I'm like, they really got gifts, like banger of gift after banger of gift.
5:58 Speaker 04 Really?
5:58 Speaker 03 It was amazing.
6:00 Speaker 04 See, I really was, my, my first kind of foray into cultural competence, was when I was like, like cultural appreciation, was that when I was a kid and I learned that Hanukkah had eight gifts, I was like, wow. Other people might be on to something as well.
6:15 Speaker 03 Right.
6:16 Speaker 04 It can't only be Christianity.
6:17 Speaker 03 Right, right.
6:18 Speaker 04 That really was eye opening for me.
6:19 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
6:20 Speaker 04 They get eight days of gifts.
6:21 Speaker 03 I mean, completely.
6:22 Speaker 04 There's other ways to think out there.
6:23 Speaker 03 Well, also, it's like, I do feel like opening more than a couple gifts on one day is completely exhausting.
6:31 Speaker 04 Oh, it's garish.
6:32 Speaker 03 Nobody needs that.
6:33 Speaker 04 It's base.
6:34 Speaker 03 Even when I go to a birthday, like an adult birthday dinner.
6:38 Speaker 04 Yeah.
6:38 Speaker 03 And, you know, we hand our little whatever to the birthday person. Usually, I'm not handing, to be honest, I'm pretty bad at giving birthday gifts. But that's because I didn't grow up with birthday gifts. Anyways, when people open and we're all sitting around the dinner table, I'm kind of like, this person needs to be doing this on their own time, big time.
6:57 Speaker 04 I don't want to be watching this.
6:58 Speaker 03 Big time.
6:59 Speaker 04 I don't want to be watching you receive gifts.
7:01 Speaker 03 No.
7:02 Speaker 04 You know what I do want to watch? If I write someone a sweet note and they read it in front of me.
7:07 Speaker 03 Yeah.
7:07 Speaker 04 I'm into that.
7:09 Speaker 03 Yeah.
7:09 Speaker 04 Which is like.
7:10 Speaker 03 With you kind of, they're reading the note and your mouth is just kind of going along with it?
7:15 Speaker 04 And the way that you, yeah. Are you to the part, yeah.
7:20 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, reread that line, I feel like you stumbled over a word.
7:23 Speaker 04 Yeah. Read that part back. Yeah. Wow, don't cry, don't cry.
7:28 Speaker 03 Is there like a best note you've ever written, you think?
7:30 Speaker 04 Oh, my goodness gracious. Um, oh, my goodness gracious, me oh my.
7:38 Speaker 03 Yeah.
7:38 Speaker 04 A best note I've ever written?
7:40 Speaker 03 Uh huh.
7:41 Speaker 04 Do you know what? I wrote and then did not send a fuck you note to one of my former bosses, who like fired me from a day job that I had.
7:50 Speaker 03 Oh, my god.
7:52 Speaker 04 Like, two years later, I had a really big career, like, win, and I wrote a, there was like a publication in a magazine about it.
8:01 Speaker 03 Oh, my god, I'm obsessed.
8:02 Speaker 04 And I wrote a note on the publication being like, um, working for you was a nightmare, thank you so much for firing me.
8:08 Speaker 03 Oh.
8:09 Speaker 04 And, and I, and then I like autographed the thing, and I got this close to putting it in the mail, and then I was like, hey, so instead, why don't you like, check in on yourself? Like I was like, instead of sending this to this person who is a bitch, why don't you go outside and like, look at the sky or something? Cause you will clearly have a problem. I mean, it was in that moment that I was like, you need to do some reflection.
8:32 Speaker 03 No, I mean, I've completely thought about like, if I ever win a Grammy one day, maybe I will say like, I love my parents, I love my friends and fuck you to like, these few people. But it really is like, whoa, that's really, we're getting hot.
8:48 Speaker 04 Yeah.
8:49 Speaker 03 Inside.
8:49 Speaker 04 Yeah.
8:50 Speaker 03 Anger is taking over.
8:52 Speaker 04 Hey, you're holding on to something weirdly.
8:53 Speaker 03 Completely.
8:54 Speaker 04 Yeah, it's weird, it's weird to, it's weird to have a moment of what should be joy for you.
9:01 Speaker 03 Right.
9:01 Speaker 04 And allow it to be infiltrated by people you don't like.
9:06 Speaker 03 Right.
9:06 Speaker 04 Why would you do that?
9:07 Speaker 03 Because we're hot heads and we always have been.
9:10 Speaker 04 Yeah, we always, that's me and you. We're fucking flying off the handle. We don't play by the book.
9:13 Speaker 03 Right, right, right. The moment these mics go down, my arm is just crossing right over you.
9:18 Speaker 04 Yeah, you're gonna hit me?
9:19 Speaker 03 Yeah.
9:19 Speaker 04 Fuck. Okay.
9:21 Speaker 03 If you don't hit me first.
9:22 Speaker 04 No, it's great. If you hit me, I'll come.
9:25 Speaker 03 Oh, awesome.
9:26 Speaker 04 Yeah.
9:28 Speaker 04 We haven't talked about hooking up in a long time.
9:30 Speaker 03 I know, but you know what is hard about your podcast?
9:33 Speaker 04 What's up?
9:34 Speaker 03 Is that you treat every girl the same.
9:37 Speaker 04 Yeah. Yeah. Fuck.
9:40 Speaker 03 You're very open about the chemistry that you have with every single female comedian in the world. Specifically lesbians.
9:49 Speaker 04 I know. There's something going on.
9:51 Speaker 03 Yeah.
9:52 Speaker 04 With me and lesbians. What is it? I wish we could get to the bottom of it.
9:54 Speaker 03 I know. But you know what is so funny? Like, I love that you love lesbians so much and I like, it wouldn't even be possible for a lesbian to love gay guys as much.
10:03 Speaker 04 No.
10:04 Speaker 03 You know what I mean?
10:05 Speaker 04 No, it makes sense.
10:06 Speaker 03 Like, I, I know, I see the path, I see the love like radiate from you on to lesbians.
10:12 Speaker 04 Yeah.
10:13 Speaker 03 And it couldn't go the other way. It could go to you, but to gay guys in general, the way that you are able to, no, couldn't happen.
10:21 Speaker 04 I know, because the thing about gay guys is, I love us, I love gay guys, I love being a gay guy, I love gay guys.
10:29 Speaker 03 Right.
10:29 Speaker 04 We are, at the end of the day. Men.
10:33 Speaker 03 That's the thing.
10:34 Speaker 04 And so it's tough, like, if you find yourself, like, standing a group of men, it's like, whoa.
10:39 Speaker 03 I know.
10:39 Speaker 04 It's not a cute look.
10:40 Speaker 03 No, I know.
10:41 Speaker 04 In this day and age.
10:43 Speaker 03 I remember years ago, I posted some video, like, making fun of gay guys. And this gay guy, like, responded, like, classic lesbians being homophobic. And I was like, I'm pretty sure you're a man, and if that's what I'm joking about.
10:59 Speaker 04 Yeah.
11:00 Speaker 03 I'm not joking about the fact that you're gay.
11:02 Speaker 04 Pretty sure I'm, yeah, pretty sure I'm making fun of you for being a boy.
11:06 Speaker 03 I'm not saying, like, and by the way, butt sex?
11:11 Speaker 03 What a fucking stupid thing. Like, what are you talking about?
11:16 Speaker 04 Yeah.
11:17 Speaker 03 So.
11:18 Speaker 04 I'll never criticize you.
11:20 Speaker 03 I know.
11:20 Speaker 04 I never have.
11:21 Speaker 03 I don't think I could even deserve it.
11:23 Speaker 04 I just wouldn't do that to you.
11:25 Speaker 03 I don't know what you could possibly criticize me about anyway.
11:28 Speaker 04 Yeah. Oh, my god. Do you want to hear something that's been making me sick?
11:31 Speaker 03 Yeah.
11:34 Speaker 04 Okay. I was out with my friends the other day, beautiful couple. Beautiful heterosexual couple. We don't hold it against them. They found love. In a hopeless place.
11:43 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
11:44 Speaker 04 They are a beautiful heterosexual couple who I love deeply. I won't say their names, just, you know, to be nice.
11:49 Speaker 03 Yeah. Michelle and Brock?
11:52 Speaker 04 Yes. M and B is all I'll say, but they were stressed out because they're building a library in Chicago right now, and...
12:01 Speaker 04 No, they, I was with my beautiful straight couple friends, and, um, I'm gonna throw up. I asked them how they met. They have a beautiful relationship. They're so great together. I asked them how they met. They, like, bumped into each other, reading books in a coffee shop, and started, like, making fun of what the other person was reading. And then, and then she left the coffee shop, and then a woman across from, that was sitting across from them, turns to the guy and goes, "You idiot, why didn't you get her number?"
12:28 Speaker 03 No.
12:29 Speaker 04 He, like, runs out to catch her, can't find her, she's gone. And then a couple of days later, they, like, bump into each other on a train station.
12:34 Speaker 03 Oh, my god.
12:39 Speaker 04 Sorry.
12:42 Speaker 04 They bump into each other, I'm gonna throw up. They bump into each other on a train station, they start dating. It's raining when they get out of the train, so they have to step into a bodega. They exchange numbers, they start dating, they're now happily married.
12:56 Speaker 03 Yeah.
12:56 Speaker 04 I will kill myself before I ever hear a story like that again.
12:59 Speaker 03 Right.
13:00 Speaker 04 My life means nothing.
13:03 Speaker 03 Completely.
13:03 Speaker 04 I have nothing.
13:04 Speaker 03 That's a meet cute in a movie where you're watching the movie and you're going, that's not realistic.
13:09 Speaker 04 Yeah.
13:09 Speaker 03 That's why that's fucked up.
13:11 Speaker 04 It's fucked up.
13:12 Speaker 03 It's because I would see that and go, that never happens.
13:15 Speaker 04 And when it does, like, I've had meet cutes where I meet someone and I'm like, oh my God, this is such a cute way to meet. And then it turns out to be like, it's not the perfect, for your meet cute to happen, your cutest meet cute to happen with your person. Like, I've had a meet cute and then you go on a couple of dates and you're like, oh, the, the meeting was cuter than the.
13:34 Speaker 03 Cause it grounds you.
13:35 Speaker 04 Yeah.
13:36 Speaker 03 Brings you back to reality.
13:37 Speaker 04 Yeah.
13:37 Speaker 03 But then this couple, which, who they sound amazing and I'm sure they are.
13:41 Speaker 04 Again.
13:41 Speaker 03 But they, yeah, that's the problem.
13:43 Speaker 04 They've never touched.
13:44 Speaker 03 They think everything is perfect.
13:45 Speaker 04 They're floating 10 feet high all the time. Yeah, I just don't like when that kind of stuff happens to other people.
13:50 Speaker 03 Right. No.
13:52 Speaker 04 It's not right.
13:53 Speaker 03 That's not right at all.
13:54 Speaker 04 It's not right.
13:55 Speaker 03 God.
13:56 Speaker 04 And they're perfect for each other.
13:57 Speaker 03 I don't like, I don't even know if I've ever even had meet cutes. I feel like almost all, every, and I'm talking in broad range when I say relationship. Every relationship I've had, pretty much has started from some sort of mistake or fuck up on my end.
14:11 Speaker 04 Yeah.
14:12 Speaker 03 It's almost all been like, I'm tumbling down a flight of stairs.
14:15 Speaker 04 Okay. Tell me about that.
14:17 Speaker 03 That's just like how, like, I'm just like, nothing cool has ever happened to me in that way. The moment we kiss, then I can be cool as fuck. Then I'm like, I got this. Yeah, like, it's done, deal.
14:29 Speaker 04 Yeah.
14:30 Speaker 03 And now I can be cool.
14:31 Speaker 04 Yeah.
14:32 Speaker 03 But like, the way that it begins is always me being like, sending typos in our first few texts and being like, fuck, sorry. Oh, fuck, sorry.
14:40 Speaker 04 You're saying fuck, sorry a lot. First five texts, like, fuck, sorry.
14:43 Speaker 03 Fucking up the you, your, your, you know what I mean?
14:46 Speaker 04 Yeah. Who are you in your relationship? Like, what are you?
14:49 Speaker 03 My current relationship.
14:50 Speaker 04 What do you, what role do you play in the relationship, do you think?
14:53 Speaker 03 Honestly, I, I play stay at home mom, even though I'm the breadwinner.
14:57 Speaker 04 See, this is, but, but the way that you, see, okay, stay at home mom, even though you're the breadwinner.
15:02 Speaker 03 Completely.
15:03 Speaker 04 What is giving stay at home mom?
15:05 Speaker 03 Like, I will cook, I will clean, um, I will, I'm.
15:12 Speaker 03 Practically unemployed, even though I do have a full-time job. But that's like the entertainment industry, you know what I mean? It's like when I'm working, like, working really hard, I'm an actor. You know what I mean?
15:24 Speaker 04 Yeah.
15:24 Speaker 03 So, you know, I might be working multiple days in a row.
15:29 Speaker 04 Yeah.
15:29 Speaker 03 But it's not gonna compare to anyone else's jobs.
15:31 Speaker 04 No.
15:33 Speaker 03 But I will say, like, since I was a kid, like, I always remember seeing stay-at-home moms and being like, "That does look fucking sick."
15:43 Speaker 04 It's a good gig.
15:43 Speaker 03 Oh, my god, heaven.
15:45 Speaker 04 It's a good gig, yeah.
15:46 Speaker 03 Heaven on earth.
15:47 Speaker 04 Not to say it's not difficult. Stay-at-home mom community, get out of the comments before you even get in there. It's difficult, it's labor.
15:53 Speaker 03 Oh, of course.
15:54 Speaker 04 But it's a sweet gig.
15:55 Speaker 03 They're working.
15:56 Speaker 04 Yeah.
15:56 Speaker 03 They're working the kids.
15:57 Speaker 04 Yeah, they're working.
15:59 Speaker 03 Yeah.
15:59 Speaker 04 But they're working in their house.
16:01 Speaker 03 Right.
16:01 Speaker 04 In pajamas, and that's lovely.
16:02 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
16:03 Speaker 04 I also do that, and I'm very lucky.
16:05 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:05 Speaker 04 Yeah, I love that shit.
16:06 Speaker 03 Right, that's the other thing, is like, there are times I don't need to, I mean, I could not leave the house for a full week at a time, almost.
16:12 Speaker 04 Really?
16:13 Speaker 03 That's the way my job goes.
16:16 Speaker 04 Yeah, I get depressed quick.
16:18 Speaker 03 Well, I do too, but that's not like, that's what's getting me out of the house, you know what I mean? I need an external factor to get me out of the house.
16:24 Speaker 04 Like what, what works the best?
16:27 Speaker 03 Usually work.
16:28 Speaker 04 Yeah, okay.
16:29 Speaker 03 Yeah.
16:30 Speaker 04 Nice. My work often won't take me out of the house unless it's to come, I mean, I guess that's not true. I just mean like on a day-to-day, when I have free time, there's nothing, like, any work that I need to do that can be done from home, writing emails, whatever the fuck.
16:41 Speaker 03 Will be done from.
16:41 Speaker 04 Can be done from home. If I stay home alone for more than twenty-six hours.
16:50 Speaker 03 Uh-huh.
16:51 Speaker 04 I'm, I'm, I'm going to a dark place.
16:52 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:54 Speaker 04 And it's not that I don't like spending time with myself, I just need to like, spend time with myself at the park.
16:59 Speaker 03 Sure.
16:59 Speaker 04 At the grocery store.
17:00 Speaker 03 Sure.
17:01 Speaker 04 At the apartment.
17:01 Speaker 03 Yeah.
17:02 Speaker 04 Like, I, I have to see other people, don't even have to talk to them. I just have to be around other people and things than my house. Something just happens.
17:10 Speaker 03 Well, you know what is affecting my mental health in this way?
17:13 Speaker 04 Tell me now.
17:13 Speaker 03 Is that I live in a, um, garden-level unit.
17:16 Speaker 04 You do.
17:17 Speaker 03 And so, like, my bedroom, like... Technically, there are windows, but I would be facing the street at eye level.
17:26 Speaker 04 Yeah.
17:27 Speaker 03 So I have to have curtains. Almost lost that word completely, by the way.
17:33 Speaker 04 I have to cover the windows.
17:34 Speaker 03 My brain went.
17:36 Speaker 04 They cover the windows, curtains.
17:38 Speaker 03 So I have to have curtains and then in my living room and kitchen, like I have natural light. But like, again, like I'm on the ground.
17:46 Speaker 04 Yeah.
17:46 Speaker 03 And so for me, it's like, if I'm home for multiple days in a row, it doesn't even feel like that. Because there's no time in my apartment.
17:53 Speaker 04 Yeah.
17:54 Speaker 03 There's no daylight and there's no nighttime.
17:56 Speaker 04 Yeah.
17:57 Speaker 03 Because every hour of the day, the lamps are on. You know what I mean?
18:01 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah. The time in your apartment is always apartment.
18:04 Speaker 03 Oh, I've Googled so much recently, like, like Reddit thread, garden level apartment makes me want to die.
18:15 Speaker 03 And honestly, not enough, there's not enough Reddit threads as I thought there would be.
18:20 Speaker 04 Yeah.
18:20 Speaker 03 There's like one where it's like, yeah, I moved out of it and I did feel better. And I remember being like, no, no, no, no, no. We need to get, we need to talk, guys.
18:28 Speaker 04 The garden unit.
18:29 Speaker 03 We seriously need to talk. None of us are okay, right?
18:31 Speaker 04 Yeah.
18:32 Speaker 03 It's crazy.
18:33 Speaker 04 Do you think I'll move out?
18:34 Speaker 03 Yeah, one day.
18:35 Speaker 04 Yeah, okay.
18:37 Speaker 03 My rent is really good.
18:38 Speaker 04 Yeah.
18:39 Speaker 03 And that's kind of just what I'm working with at this point.
18:45 Speaker 04 Yeah.
18:46 Speaker 03 It's really hard, like, you know, even if I know I can afford more, rent is just one of those things where it's like, well, if I can save on that, I might as well.
18:54 Speaker 04 Yeah.
18:55 Speaker 03 Do you know what I mean?
18:55 Speaker 04 100%.
18:57 Speaker 03 And also in New York, truly, I would be doubling my rent.
19:00 Speaker 04 To find something similar.
19:01 Speaker 03 Yes, because that's actually how good my rent is.
19:04 Speaker 04 I've been to your place.
19:05 Speaker 03 I know, it's pretty gorgeous.
19:06 Speaker 04 It's great. It's a great place.
19:08 Speaker 03 Right. Did you notice the lack of windows?
19:10 Speaker 04 Yeah. I can't, I will kill myself.
19:13 Speaker 03 No, completely.
19:14 Speaker 04 If I live in a garden unit, that's absolute. I can't, I found some, there's two things I can't do.
19:20 Speaker 03 Yeah.
19:21 Speaker 04 I've found some incredible apartments in New York that I look at it and it's a garden unit, can't do it no matter what, no matter how great everything else is, I personally can't do it. And then there's another thing I found where I'm like, whoa, this apartment is awesome. What's going on here? Why is this like so cheap? And then you do the Google Street View and then you turn two feet to the left and there's a highway.
19:41 Speaker 03 Yes.
19:42 Speaker 04 Like a raised highway.
19:43 Speaker 03 That happens a lot.
19:45 Speaker 04 Yeah.
19:46 Speaker 03 Well, you know, on Street Easy specifically, I feel like you look up like Fort Greene, because it's like, you know, everyone in New York is like, that's the ideal place to live. You know what I mean? And it's like, but one block outside of Fort Greene is under a highway, and that's where all the open apartments are.
20:01 Speaker 04 Yeah.
20:02 Speaker 03 So it's kind of like, otherwise, you're not getting, you're not living anywhere.
20:06 Speaker 04 And also, those apartments, their entire business model is trick someone into living here for one year.
20:11 Speaker 03 Right.
20:11 Speaker 04 They'll leave.
20:12 Speaker 03 Right.
20:13 Speaker 04 As soon as that lease is up, they'll leave.
20:14 Speaker 03 Right.
20:14 Speaker 04 But you trick a newcomer to the city into living here for one year, and then they'll go.
20:19 Speaker 03 Yeah.
20:20 Speaker 04 They're turning those apartments over.
20:21 Speaker 03 Did you feel like you got tricked when you moved to New York for the first time? Like, did you get duped at all?
20:26 Speaker 04 No, they hadn't gotten rid of brokers' fees yet, and I paid a psychotic, I want to say my broker's fee was in the six or seven thousand.
20:32 Speaker 03 Yeah, I did that once as well.
20:35 Speaker 04 Of money that I, it was just like, you can't get this apartment unless you pay.
20:37 Speaker 03 And it's crazy, because it's like, oh, no, like, that money's actually gone.
20:41 Speaker 04 Yeah.
20:41 Speaker 03 I remember leaving that apartment where I paid a crazy broker's fee, and, and when I moved out, I kind of was like, oops.
20:50 Speaker 04 Yeah.
20:51 Speaker 03 That wasn't worth it at all.
20:53 Speaker 04 Yeah.
20:54 Speaker 03 Like, it doesn't matter that I was there for over two years. Like, I know that's not even that long, but I'm like, it really doesn't matter. Like, every day, just a few dollars were slipping out of my pocket because of that broker's fee.
21:05 Speaker 04 More than a few.
21:06 Speaker 03 Yeah, more than a few.
21:06 Speaker 04 Yeah, I mean, it's crazy. Yeah, they, people who work in real estate, many of them need to go to prison.
21:17 Speaker 03 Totally.
21:18 Speaker 04 Many of them are doing unfathomable crimes.
21:20 Speaker 03 And I will completely agree with you, and even add, my mom's a real estate agent.
21:24 Speaker 04 Totally. And I don't know what, how she's doing her business.
21:26 Speaker 03 She absolutely, she needs to be locked up.
21:32 Speaker 03 Lock him up, lock her up.
21:34 Speaker 04 Lock her up. Your mom is one of my favorite people.
21:36 Speaker 03 I know, she is so completely epic.
21:39 Speaker 04 She's an icon.
21:39 Speaker 03 She really is awesome.
21:40 Speaker 04 She's everything to me, she's the reason I get out of bed in the morning. She's the light of my life, she's who I thank at award shows.
21:46 Speaker 03 Yep.
21:47 Speaker 04 She is the mother of my children in some ways.
21:50 Speaker 03 Absolutely.
21:50 Speaker 04 She's my mother in many ways.
21:52 Speaker 03 Because you guys do have children together, you just are very absent.
21:55 Speaker 04 Yes, we do.
21:56 Speaker 03 Uh huh.
21:56 Speaker 04 And she knew, when she, she knew I was a snake when she picked me up.
22:00 Speaker 03 Right. And by the way, it was crazy. She got pregnant in her seventies.
22:04 Speaker 04 Yes.
22:04 Speaker 03 But that's the way things go.
22:06 Speaker 04 I'm extremely virile.
22:09 Speaker 03 Whoa, it's not a word I've ever heard before.
22:11 Speaker 04 So I got your mom pregnant in her seventies. Whatever, dude.
22:15 Speaker 03 Wait, what does virile mean?
22:17 Speaker 04 Uh, technical definition, I think it just means like male version of fertile.
22:21 Speaker 03 Okay.
22:21 Speaker 04 Chance, fact check me.
22:22 Speaker 03 Virile.
22:24 Speaker 04 I think so.
22:24 Speaker 03 V U O?
22:25 Speaker 04 Vir- uh, V I R I A L?
22:29 Speaker 03 Oh, I've seen it. I just never thought to say it out loud.
22:31 Speaker 04 I don't think that's the one. Is it? I think it's V I-
22:34 Speaker 03 That's virile.
22:34 Speaker 04 I think it's V I R I L E.
22:36 Speaker 03 That's one of my other favorite words, virile.
22:38 Speaker 04 V I what? V I R I L E. You can just put it on the screen. I dare you. I dare you to put it on the screen. Let us see it on the screen.
22:50 Speaker 04 Virile, yeah, having strength, energy, and strong sex drive. Okay.
22:55 Speaker 03 That is how I would describe you.
22:57 Speaker 04 Yeah, I, I thought it was more about like the technical, like fertility of my seed.
23:02 Speaker 03 You were hoping it was specifically about semen.
23:04 Speaker 04 Yeah, I wanted it to be about my seed.
23:06 Speaker 03 Right, right.
23:07 Speaker 04 How do you feel about me calling semen my seed?
23:09 Speaker 03 I think it's amazing. I really appreciate it.
23:11 Speaker 04 You like that?
23:12 Speaker 03 I love it a lot.
23:13 Speaker 04 You like that?
23:13 Speaker 03 Yeah.
23:14 Speaker 04 Okay.
23:14 Speaker 03 Yeah.
23:15 Speaker 04 Nice.
23:15 Speaker 03 Well, it's just a, you know, calling it your seed, it's an easy way to slip it into any conversation ever.
23:20 Speaker 04 Yeah. Oh, the other day I was spilling some seed.
23:22 Speaker 03 Right, right, right.
23:23 Speaker 04 Yeah. That was one of my favorite parts of the Bible as a kid.
23:26 Speaker 03 Is the spilling your seed part?
23:27 Speaker 04 They're like, thou shalt not spill thou seed outside of a womb on, on the earth or whatever. And I was like, spilling seed is a sick bar, actually.
23:35 Speaker 03 No, it is a good, like, it's a perfect alliteration. It just works.
23:40 Speaker 04 Yeah, coming is so like, ugh, what are you, an animal?
23:43 Speaker 03 I know.
23:43 Speaker 04 But spilling seed is a bit like, aww.
23:46 Speaker 03 I know.
23:46 Speaker 04 He spilled the seed.
23:47 Speaker 03 Well, spilling seed is also like the way that I do like to think about it.
23:50 Speaker 04 Yeah.
23:51 Speaker 03 When I, when I really sit down and I think about sex.
23:56 Speaker 04 Say that.
23:56 Speaker 03 Straight sex.
23:57 Speaker 04 Yeah.
23:58 Speaker 03 I know you're speaking of gay sex, but I'm speaking of straight sex.
24:02 Speaker 04 Yeah.
24:02 Speaker 03 When I think about it, that's how I like to think about it.
24:05 Speaker 04 Yeah.
24:06 Speaker 03 Yes, the man spills his seed.
24:08 Speaker 04 Yes.
24:09 Speaker 03 And the stork brings that baby in.
24:11 Speaker 04 Yeah, I also like, I think my favorite part of it is spill. Cause it implies that it's always sort of a haphazard accident.
24:18 Speaker 03 Right.
24:18 Speaker 04 Like I just, I spilled my seed in there. Like I knocked over a glass of my seed.
24:23 Speaker 03 Oh, fuck, I spilled my fucking seed.
24:26 Speaker 04 Oh, whoops.
24:27 Speaker 03 I'm so fucking sorry.
24:29 Speaker 04 I dropped my seed again.
24:30 Speaker 03 God damn.
24:31 Speaker 04 Yeah, it's kind of like goofy.
24:32 Speaker 03 Slipped out of my pocket.
24:33 Speaker 04 It's like Mr. Bean or something.
24:34 Speaker 03 Yes, it is.
24:35 Speaker 04 It's like, oh, there goes my seed again.
24:37 Speaker 03 God.
24:38 Speaker 04 Yeah, whole time, it's come.
24:40 Speaker 03 The whole time?
24:40 Speaker 04 Whole time, it's come.
24:41 Speaker 03 It's never switches throughout the whole story.
24:44 Speaker 04 Yeah.
24:44 Speaker 03 Hey, by the way, you want to know something I realized?
24:46 Speaker 04 I wish you would tell me.
24:48 Speaker 03 This is my first time ever going on a podcast for the second time.
24:51 Speaker 04 Really?
24:52 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
24:52 Speaker 04 Oh, I find that hard to believe.
24:53 Speaker 03 I know.
24:54 Speaker 04 You're such a fabulous guest.
24:55 Speaker 03 I think that's true.
24:57 Speaker 04 You are.
24:57 Speaker 03 As I said it, I'm kind of like, maybe it's not. No, I think it's true.
25:00 Speaker 04 Do you think it's true that this is your first time being a second timer?
25:03 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
25:03 Speaker 04 Wow.
25:04 Speaker 03 And so I figure I just, you know, I know we've already spoken some bits, but I figure I'll just from here on out, do the same things I did last time.
25:10 Speaker 04 Yeah?
25:11 Speaker 03 Yeah.
25:11 Speaker 04 What were they?
25:12 Speaker 03 Same stories.
25:13 Speaker 04 I remember from the, from the first time you were on, probably my favorite memory of having you on was you, you talking about, that you were, you were like, I was so convinced that I was straight in high school. I thought it was ironic that I was on the softball team.
25:27 Speaker 03 Completely.
25:27 Speaker 04 That is an all-timer.
25:29 Speaker 03 That is an all-timer and like, I, well, I think what I like about that story is that people are like, come on, she had to know. And it's like, no, I didn't.
25:39 Speaker 04 I didn't have to know anything.
25:39 Speaker 03 I didn't have to know shit. Like, I was so focused on not failing out of seventh grade.
25:46 Speaker 04 Yeah.
25:46 Speaker 03 You know what I mean? Like, I didn't think about sexuality, no way.
25:50 Speaker 04 Yeah. What do I, what do, what do I look like thinking about sexuality? I'm literally about to flunk out of middle school.
25:55 Speaker 03 And also, I think I might've said this that on the last podcast, but I do want to reiterate, like, the boys that I grew up with were smoking hot.
26:03 Speaker 04 Yeah, say that.
26:04 Speaker 03 So.
26:04 Speaker 04 Say that.
26:05 Speaker 03 I seriously am like, how was I to know?
26:07 Speaker 04 Yeah.
26:08 Speaker 03 The girls I grew up with dumb as fuck, stupid.
26:11 Speaker 04 Really?
26:11 Speaker 03 Yes, yes.
26:13 Speaker 04 So you had these stupid girls.
26:15 Speaker 03 Fully sexist.
26:15 Speaker 04 These dumb, you're like, you're like, the girls were fucking idiots, the boys were fine.
26:19 Speaker 03 I was surrounded by disgusting dumb girls.
26:23 Speaker 04 Bimbos, yeah.
26:24 Speaker 03 And sexy, sexy boys.
26:26 Speaker 04 Yeah, these are like sixth, sixth and seventh graders, yeah, at the time, yeah.
26:29 Speaker 03 I can speak unto high school as well. Unto high school as well.
26:34 Speaker 04 Unto? That's so interesting, yeah, heterosexuality, it briefly, of course, plagued me.
26:40 Speaker 03 Right.
26:41 Speaker 04 And, um, God, I'm happy it didn't stick.
26:44 Speaker 03 I know.
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28:14 Speaker 03 Do you think about, is there a turning point in your life where had something gone a little bit differently, you would have never come out?
28:26 Speaker 04 That's a really good question, Grace.
28:27 Speaker 03 Okay.
28:29 Speaker 04 Um, no.
28:31 Speaker 03 Really?
28:31 Speaker 04 I think in every lifetime, I come out.
28:33 Speaker 03 Whoa.
28:34 Speaker 04 I really do. I just feel it was so overwhelming.
28:36 Speaker 03 She makes me emotional, that's so cute.
28:40 Speaker 04 I'm like, I just don't think I'm capable, I don't think, I guess maybe if I had different, a different mom.
28:45 Speaker 03 Sure.
28:46 Speaker 04 Maybe that would be the thing.
28:47 Speaker 03 But that's too far, like, then you wouldn't exist, right?
28:50 Speaker 04 Then it wouldn't be me, yeah.
28:51 Speaker 03 Right.
28:51 Speaker 04 I'm like, with my mom, there's no way.
28:52 Speaker 03 Yeah.
28:53 Speaker 04 Cause I just am-
28:54 Speaker 03 Oh, that's so cute.
28:55 Speaker 04 Yeah, I just am so like, she, I am too opinionated and was encouraged to be opinionated, and I don't see how I could ever, what about you?
29:04 Speaker 03 Well, first of all, like, that is so cute, and shout out to your mom.
29:07 Speaker 04 Shout out Kelly.
29:08 Speaker 03 Oh my god, Kelly.
29:08 Speaker 04 She's alright.
29:09 Speaker 03 Unbelievable.
29:10 Speaker 04 Don't mind her at all.
29:11 Speaker 03 I've thought about it, like, maybe if, okay, from high school, I went to Skidmore College, which is a small liberal arts school in upstate New York, and it was like, if I didn't get into Skidmore, I would've gone to University of Arizona, probably.
29:24 Speaker 04 Yeah.
29:25 Speaker 03 And I do think I would probably be straight if I went there.
29:29 Speaker 04 Really?
29:30 Speaker 03 I, yeah, I don't see, like, me, like, being in sorority life, like, I know you were, like, in a fraternity.
29:39 Speaker 04 Yeah.
29:39 Speaker 03 But like, I don't see me as the, like, drinker that I was specifically in high school, going to a sorority and like, realizing anything about myself.
29:50 Speaker 04 I feel you would only be more lesbian.
29:52 Speaker 03 I don't know.
29:53 Speaker 04 To be in a sorority at Arizona State, those girls are munching rug.
29:57 Speaker 03 Okay, but I went to an all-girls high school.
30:00 Speaker 04 Yeah, and you weren't doing anything?
30:00 Speaker 03 And I had not a single clue.
30:02 Speaker 04 That's crazy, so what were you thinking?
30:03 Speaker 03 I know.
30:04 Speaker 04 You were just getting drunk with these girls and it was never coming up?
30:07 Speaker 03 No, like-
30:08 Speaker 04 That's so funny to me.
30:08 Speaker 03 I mean, no, that's not true, like, I had some, like, weird, you know, sexual moments with my friends.
30:15 Speaker 04 That's not true. Hold on, that's not true.
30:17 Speaker 03 I'm like, literally, no, Caleb, we didn't do anything. And then I'm like, well, we used to lay next to each other and do some sorts of shit.
30:24 Speaker 04 Yeah.
30:24 Speaker 03 But it still wasn't like gay in my head.
30:28 Speaker 04 Right.
30:28 Speaker 03 It was like, I don't even want to get more specific.
30:31 Speaker 04 What's gay about loving a friend? Yeah.
30:33 Speaker 03 And having like, a guy in your class on video chat.
30:37 Speaker 04 Like, hello?
30:38 Speaker 03 You know what I mean?
30:38 Speaker 04 That's like, it's for him, yeah.
30:40 Speaker 03 Right. It's for him.
30:42 Speaker 04 If it's for him, it's straight.
30:43 Speaker 03 Right.
30:43 Speaker 04 Yeah.
30:44 Speaker 03 So.
30:45 Speaker 04 So what's the problem?
30:46 Speaker 03 I'm not sure.
30:47 Speaker 04 Yeah.
30:48 Speaker 03 But yeah, I do still think there, there's a chance I would have never come out.
30:52 Speaker 04 Really?
30:52 Speaker 03 But I think I would have to be a really different person.
30:54 Speaker 04 Of course.
30:55 Speaker 03 And I think it would be dark. And I do think perhaps I would be like, alright.
30:59 Speaker 04 Yeah.
31:00 Speaker 03 Not that I think I'm capable of that, but I'm just saying like.
31:04 Speaker 04 Honey, we're all capable of that. We're all capable of that. All it takes is like one bad, one bad day. For anyone to be like, you know what? I'm picking up the alt-right flag.
31:15 Speaker 03 I just think it's like, if I went to University of Arizona, if I found myself in sorority life amongst too many Republican friends, who knows what would have happened?
31:24 Speaker 04 Yeah.
31:25 Speaker 03 Maybe I would have never come out. At the least, I'd be working for Barstool.
31:30 Speaker 04 Minimum.
31:30 Speaker 03 At the least.
31:32 Speaker 04 Bare minimum. And bare minimum, you'd be at Barstool.
31:34 Speaker 03 And by the way, I have thought about that a lot. I'm like, there really was like, because I went to a liberal arts school, that's why I'm not on Barstool.
31:42 Speaker 04 Also, I was kidding earlier when I said that anyone can be alt-right.
31:45 Speaker 03 Right. No, I know. You are always making jokes on this podcast.
31:51 Speaker 04 Well, that's the thing is I need to tighten up a little bit.
31:53 Speaker 03 Because people think everything you say is serious?
31:55 Speaker 04 No, I just think it would be nice to get more serious. You know, I'm getting older. I think it would be nice to like, get a little more serious.
32:00 Speaker 03 I think so too.
32:01 Speaker 04 You know, stop kidding around so much.
32:03 Speaker 03 Well, honey, you're wearing a hat inside. You know what I mean? If you really want to take yourself seriously, you'd start making these choices.
32:09 Speaker 04 What did you say about my hat?
32:10 Speaker 03 You're wearing a hat inside.
32:12 Speaker 04 Is that not?
32:13 Speaker 03 I don't think that's something that.
32:16 Speaker 03 What's the word I'm thinking of? That intellectuals intellectuals is the word that I I struggle to think of.
32:23 Speaker 04 Okay.
32:24 Speaker 03 Intellectuals do.
32:25 Speaker 04 You don't think I'm intellectual because of the hat?
32:27 Speaker 03 Yeah, well, I think if anything, it could be a fedora.
32:29 Speaker 04 Yeah, really?
32:30 Speaker 03 Mm hmm.
32:31 Speaker 04 Would you be so serious right now?
32:33 Speaker 03 Yeah.
32:33 Speaker 04 What would you do if I was wearing it? Like, if you had walked in here today and I was wearing a fedora and no one was commenting on it?
32:39 Speaker 03 Well, unfortunately, I would have thought it was like a nod to me because I'm a lesbian. I would have been like, oh, you goofy guy.
32:49 Speaker 04 Yeah.
32:50 Speaker 03 But if you like, looked at me and were like, hmm? Then I would have gone fully red in the face.
32:57 Speaker 04 Yeah.
32:57 Speaker 03 Peeed my pants a little bit.
32:59 Speaker 04 Yeah.
32:59 Speaker 03 And been very, very scared.
33:01 Speaker 04 Yeah, okay.
33:03 Speaker 03 Yeah.
33:04 Speaker 04 Good to know.
33:04 Speaker 03 That kind of shows the power you have, too.
33:06 Speaker 04 That's nice.
33:07 Speaker 03 Right.
33:07 Speaker 04 I love I love to be powerful. Yeah, I love that.
33:09 Speaker 03 Mm hmm.
33:10 Speaker 04 That's really nice.
33:10 Speaker 03 Yeah.
33:11 Speaker 04 Oh, my god.
33:12 Speaker 03 Is there ever a time in your life you wore a fedora?
33:15 Speaker 04 Yes.
33:16 Speaker 03 Oh.
33:17 Speaker 04 Yes, you know, you know when it was?
33:19 Speaker 03 What?
33:19 Speaker 04 I let a bunch of kids on a mission trip, on a youth group mission trip, talk me into shaving my head into the George Costanza haircut.
33:32 Speaker 03 Wait, which was what again?
33:33 Speaker 04 Hair on the side, bald on top.
33:35 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:36 Speaker 04 I let them shave my head like that. And then I was like, guys, okay, it's funny, we got the picture, shave the rest of it off. And they're like, no. And I was like, what? And so then they're like, no, you should keep it like this for the whole mission trip. And I was like, okay, because they were like, that'd be funny. And I was like, okay. And so then I was like, it's really funny, but then we have to go out to like dinner and it's not so funny.
33:56 Speaker 03 Yeah.
33:57 Speaker 04 So I was like, it's funny when it's just us, but at dinner, it's not very funny.
33:59 Speaker 03 Right.
34:00 Speaker 04 So I bought a fedora and I wore a fedora over my bald spot. And then I got, oh, I spent too much money. I spent like, I bought a pretty expensive fedora.
34:10 Speaker 03 Yeah.
34:10 Speaker 04 And I accidentally spent too much of my money on it. So then I ran out of food money.
34:15 Speaker 03 No.
34:16 Speaker 04 And then my youth pastor had to lend me money. And my mom, my mom called me and was like, hey, did the youth pastor have to give you money? Because you spent too much on a fedora after you shaved your head? And I said, yeah. And then she goes, okay, we'll talk about it when you get home, have fun.
34:30 Speaker 03 Mm hmm.
34:31 Speaker 04 And I was like, okay.
34:32 Speaker 03 Yeah.
34:32 Speaker 04 And that's kind of my fedora journey.
34:33 Speaker 03 Right. And I bet this is gonna strike the chord of millions of people. You are seriously not alone.
34:40 Speaker 04 I speak for we are Charlie Kirk.
34:45 Speaker 04 We shave our head at youth group. We are all Caleb Hearon.
34:51 Speaker 03 I just have to say like, you are smart though, because if you are trying to tell people, I have hair.
34:58 Speaker 04 Yes.
34:58 Speaker 03 But I need to cover the top. Fedora is the move.
35:01 Speaker 04 I am, we, you are Caleb Hearon.
35:04 Speaker 03 Yeah.
35:04 Speaker 04 I am Caleb Hearon.
35:05 Speaker 03 Yes.
35:05 Speaker 04 We are all Caleb Hearon. There's nobody who's not Caleb Hearon.
35:08 Speaker 03 No, nobody.
35:10 Speaker 04 Nobody. Everybody listening to this, you are Caleb Hearon.
35:13 Speaker 03 Yes. Print the shirts, Caleb.
35:15 Speaker 04 You are Caleb Hearon.
35:16 Speaker 03 Thank you.
35:17 Speaker 04 We are all Caleb Hearon.
35:18 Speaker 03 We are all Caleb Hearon.
35:19 Speaker 04 And then it's a picture of me in a Fedora where you can kind of tell that my head is shaved half bald.
35:23 Speaker 03 Yeah, you see just the sliver.
35:25 Speaker 04 Yeah.
35:25 Speaker 03 It's cause it's glimmering. It's shining.
35:27 Speaker 04 I have a picture of it somewhere.
35:28 Speaker 03 Oh, I would love to see.
35:30 Speaker 04 Why don't I try to find it?
35:31 Speaker 03 Okay.
35:31 Speaker 04 Really quick. I'm also looking. You were Chance? I'm looking for it.
35:36 Speaker 03 Wow.
35:36 Speaker 04 We are Caleb Hearon. Know what year it was? Buddy, if you think I know stuff like that, 2009?
35:48 Speaker 03 Like 15 ish?
35:50 Speaker 04 Yeah, I would, in 2009, I would have been.
35:52 Speaker 03 14?
35:52 Speaker 04 14, 15, yeah. This is gonna take way too, oh, do you know what? I'm not even kidding. While I was scrolling, do you know what just came up, Grace?
35:59 Speaker 03 What? Oh.
36:01 Speaker 04 This picture of us.
36:02 Speaker 03 That picture is so cute.
36:05 Speaker 04 We are so cute.
36:06 Speaker 03 It's really a good.
36:07 Speaker 04 What year was this? This was 2018.
36:12 Speaker 03 So cute.
36:13 Speaker 04 I was so in love with you then.
36:14 Speaker 03 I know, me too.
36:16 Speaker 04 God knows what happened.
36:18 Speaker 03 That time was, oh my god.
36:20 Speaker 04 We're gonna get, I think. Yeah, so that's when they finally shaved the rest of it off.
36:24 Speaker 03 Obsessed. Look at how cute your head is.
36:28 Speaker 04 That's when they finally shaved the rest of it off, yeah.
36:30 Speaker 03 By the way, I meant to say this a couple of minutes ago when you were just telling this story, but I do know you could rock a buzz cut.
36:37 Speaker 04 You think so?
36:38 Speaker 03 Like, in this current day.
36:39 Speaker 04 You think so?
36:39 Speaker 03 Yeah.
36:40 Speaker 04 I get scared of it.
36:41 Speaker 03 I know, because you do, so cute.
36:44 Speaker 04 Take these away.
36:44 Speaker 03 You do have like, really good hair, and that has been consistent for many a years since I've known you.
36:50 Speaker 04 Thank you.
36:51 Speaker 03 But there's something just about like, your skin tone and your hair where I know the buzz cut will work. Cause that's where buzz cuts can get scary.
36:59 Speaker 04 Yeah.
37:00 Speaker 03 Is when someone's, the way that those two things contrast, it's not working, but yours, it does.
37:08 Speaker 04 I'm scared.
37:12 Speaker 03 No.
37:13 Speaker 04 I'm scared.
37:13 Speaker 03 I'm serious, no.
37:14 Speaker 04 Cause um, I want one.
37:17 Speaker 03 Yeah.
37:18 Speaker 04 I want a buzz cut.
37:19 Speaker 03 Right.
37:20 Speaker 04 But there's that-
37:20 Speaker 03 Maybe think about how easy showers will be.
37:22 Speaker 04 There's that voice in your head though. You know, that tells you like you can't do it.
37:27 Speaker 03 Right.
37:27 Speaker 04 And then you have your good friend sit across from you and say that you could.
37:30 Speaker 03 Right, that's me.
37:32 Speaker 04 You know?
37:33 Speaker 03 I am Caleb Hearon.
37:34 Speaker 04 We are all Caleb Hearon.
37:39 Speaker 04 Yeah, maybe I'll do it.
37:40 Speaker 03 Yeah. You, I've had to have a petrifying thought of, by the way.
37:45 Speaker 04 Why am I actually crying?
37:47 Speaker 03 Are you really?
37:48 Speaker 04 I got a little bit of tears. I was kinda walked in in the scene there for a moment.
37:50 Speaker 03 Right.
37:51 Speaker 04 Yeah, it was beautiful being in the scene with you.
37:52 Speaker 03 It was really beautiful.
37:54 Speaker 04 Yeah.
37:54 Speaker 03 And you, really, I stand by what I said.
37:57 Speaker 04 We are Caleb Hearon. What were you saying?
38:00 Speaker 03 Okay, so, God bless me, one day, I will play lesbian in a TV show or a movie.
38:09 Speaker 04 I don't think so.
38:10 Speaker 03 One day, one day it'll happen.
38:12 Speaker 04 I don't think so.
38:13 Speaker 03 No, I know, because we are too busy casting straight people.
38:16 Speaker 04 Yes.
38:16 Speaker 03 However.
38:17 Speaker 04 Yeah.
38:18 Speaker 03 This is not a political statement, by the way.
38:19 Speaker 04 Be careful, people are getting in trouble for saying that now.
38:21 Speaker 03 Straight people are great actors.
38:22 Speaker 04 Yeah.
38:22 Speaker 03 I will, I've always said that.
38:24 Speaker 04 Yeah.
38:25 Speaker 03 But I do kind of think that if I only have one role in my lifetime, one lesbian role in my lifetime, there's a good chance that it's some, for some reason, a lesbian in the eighties.
38:37 Speaker 04 Wow.
38:38 Speaker 03 I just think that's in the cards for me. If that is true, we're talking really, really short hair.
38:44 Speaker 04 Yeah.
38:44 Speaker 03 And I just do feel like, you know, if I'm gonna finally get my role of playing a lesbian in something, it's gonna be with the most fucking stupid haircut I've ever had to experience in my whole life, and I will just have to have that.
38:56 Speaker 04 Yeah, are you gonna get the cut for real?
38:58 Speaker 03 I think I will, because I'm a serious actor.
39:01 Speaker 04 Okay, I can't wait.
39:02 Speaker 03 I have, I auditioned for something somewhat recently where they were like, would love to know if you would cut your hair, and it was a really bad haircut, and I told my agent, like, let's say yes, and she was like, no, Grace, I don't think you should.
39:17 Speaker 03 She was genuinely concerned. Before I even got a callback for the role, she was like, I don't know. Like, I don't think it will look that good.
39:26 Speaker 04 Yeah.
39:27 Speaker 03 Like, she was really protecting me there.
39:28 Speaker 04 You have to wake up the day this movie wraps.
39:30 Speaker 03 Yeah, exactly.
39:31 Speaker 04 And be you still. You still have to live in that hair.
39:33 Speaker 03 But I was ready because I'm really serious.
39:35 Speaker 04 You're committed.
39:36 Speaker 03 Yeah.
39:37 Speaker 04 You studied at Juilliard. And what, didn't you have a...
39:40 Speaker 03 I didn't study at Juilliard, Caleb. I taught.
39:42 Speaker 04 Oh, fuck, I'm sorry.
39:44 Speaker 03 Yeah.
39:45 Speaker 04 How did, how was that? How did that come about?
39:46 Speaker 03 I don't know. I was 13.
39:48 Speaker 04 Yeah.
39:49 Speaker 03 And I honestly was just walking around that campus, wherever it is.
39:57 Speaker 04 You were walking around Juilliard when you were 13?
39:58 Speaker 03 Uh huh.
39:58 Speaker 04 Okay.
39:58 Speaker 03 And I started talking to some people and slowly people started gathering more and more and more.
40:03 Speaker 04 Yeah.
40:03 Speaker 03 And next thing I knew, they asked me to come back the next day.
40:06 Speaker 04 What were you talking about?
40:08 Speaker 03 What was I talking about?
40:09 Speaker 04 What were you talking about that people were gathering?
40:11 Speaker 03 I was talking, I was honestly talking about...
40:14 Speaker 04 Process?
40:15 Speaker 03 Yeah.
40:15 Speaker 04 Yeah.
40:16 Speaker 03 It was, I was talking about process. I was talking about, you know, um, having a routine.
40:22 Speaker 04 Hmm.
40:23 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm. Because at 13, that's all you have.
40:26 Speaker 04 Sorry, just so I'm clear.
40:27 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
40:27 Speaker 04 Because I want to make sure I understand. When you were 13, living in Los Angeles.
40:32 Speaker 03 Yeah.
40:33 Speaker 04 You were walking around the campus of Juilliard.
40:35 Speaker 03 Which is...
40:35 Speaker 04 Talk, in New York.
40:37 Speaker 03 Uh huh.
40:37 Speaker 04 Talking about process.
40:38 Speaker 03 Wasn't sure, but yeah.
40:39 Speaker 04 And routine.
40:40 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
40:41 Speaker 04 And people started gathering.
40:42 Speaker 03 Yeah.
40:43 Speaker 04 And they liked it so much, they asked me to come back the next day. Okay.
40:47 Speaker 03 Yeah.
40:47 Speaker 04 And when you, when you went back the next day, just so I understand.
40:51 Speaker 03 Right.
40:51 Speaker 04 You were offered a teaching position?
40:52 Speaker 03 Yes. It was a salary position. Um, which by the way, I wasn't making a lot. You know, teachers don't make a lot.
41:00 Speaker 04 Yeah.
41:01 Speaker 03 It was like 65K. So obviously for 13, that was pretty good.
41:07 Speaker 04 Yeah.
41:07 Speaker 03 But, you know, hindsight, it wasn't that great.
41:11 Speaker 04 Had you taught before that?
41:13 Speaker 03 Yeah.
41:14 Speaker 04 Where?
41:17 Speaker 03 It's embarrassing.
41:18 Speaker 04 Harvard?
41:19 Speaker 03 Yeah.
41:19 Speaker 04 I know. It's humiliating.
41:21 Speaker 03 Yeah.
41:22 Speaker 04 Cause it's now you're part of the problem.
41:23 Speaker 03 Well, and it also just wasn't Harvard, though. Like, it was Harvard Law.
41:27 Speaker 04 Yeah, fuck.
41:27 Speaker 03 And so, yeah.
41:29 Speaker 04 At 12, 11, 10, not nine.
41:35 Speaker 03 Nine, yeah.
41:36 Speaker 04 Stop.
41:37 Speaker 03 Yeah.
41:37 Speaker 04 You were teaching at Harvard Law when you were nine.
41:39 Speaker 03 Yeah.
41:40 Speaker 04 Wow.
41:40 Speaker 03 Honestly, same exact situation, by the way.
41:43 Speaker 04 Yeah.
41:43 Speaker 03 I was just walking around the campus.
41:44 Speaker 04 Talking about process and routine.
41:45 Speaker 03 Yeah.
41:46 Speaker 04 As you do. You were also on Epstein's flight logs.
41:49 Speaker 03 Well, that's where things get tricky with my history, because there's a lot of things Wikipedia says about me.
41:55 Speaker 04 Yeah.
41:55 Speaker 03 And that, that thing that it says about me.
41:58 Speaker 04 But that was when you were much older. That was like two years ago.
42:02 Speaker 04 He had already passed. You were just still taking the plane.
42:05 Speaker 03 And so, and so, cause that's the thing, is like, I just do feel like, no one, when they were trying to release Epstein's list, no one was saying if they were on it or not, so I honestly just raised my hand.
42:16 Speaker 04 Yeah. And, and that's unfair, because he had already passed when you were on the jet.
42:20 Speaker 03 Exactly.
42:21 Speaker 04 It wasn't even going to that place anymore.
42:22 Speaker 03 No. So, it really was just bad luck.
42:25 Speaker 04 Yeah.
42:25 Speaker 03 Like, wrong place, wrong time.
42:28 Speaker 04 Yeah, that whole thing was a mess. He was a friend.
42:30 Speaker 03 Right.
42:32 Speaker 03 Yeah. And we, I mean, you were very close to being there also.
42:36 Speaker 04 On the island.
42:37 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
42:39 Speaker 04 Yeah. Yeah, I couldn't make it. He had asked me, Jeffrey had texted me.
42:46 Speaker 03 Yeah.
42:46 Speaker 04 And said, hey, we're going to get the jet to the island this weekend. Do you want to come? We're gonna get into some stuff. And I had said, what kind of stuff are you getting into? And he said, I don't really text about it. It'll come through.
42:56 Speaker 03 Right.
42:56 Speaker 04 And I was going to go, but I was on my way to the airstrip.
43:04 Speaker 04 I was making my way to the airstrip. I was city biking. And a voice yelled out to me.
43:09 Speaker 03 Okay.
43:10 Speaker 04 And said, Caleb! And I turned, and it was, um...
43:16 Speaker 04 Oh, I forget his name. He was, um, the mayor of New York for a time. Um, Rudy Giuliani.
43:26 Speaker 04 It was Rudy.
43:27 Speaker 03 Yeah.
43:27 Speaker 04 And do you remember, um, Rudy Giuliani from being the mayor of New York?
43:32 Speaker 03 Yeah, I do.
43:33 Speaker 04 He was yelling out to me from a bodega. And I looked over, this is, uh, twenty thirteen.
43:40 Speaker 03 Yeah.
43:41 Speaker 04 And I looked over and he was in there with Barack Obama.
43:45 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
43:45 Speaker 04 And, um, was, um, was her, uh, name?
43:52 Speaker 03 Hillary?
43:53 Speaker 04 No, she was, uh, already on the island. I was gonna meet up with her there. She, this was the girl who played, um, it was Rudy Giuliani, Barack Obama, and the girl who played, um, the lead girl in Saved by the Bell.
44:09 Speaker 03 I never watched that show.
44:10 Speaker 04 Kelly, Kelly.
44:12 Speaker 03 Kelly Ripa?
44:13 Speaker 04 Kelly Kapous, Kelly, um, what was her name? Jennifer, or, not Jennifer Love Hewitt. What was her name? The girl that played the lead in Saved by the Bell? The lead girl in Saved by the Bell, Burnett. Do you, the actress's name? Yeah, Tiffany, Amber Thiessen. Tiffany Thiessen. Tiffany Thiessen.
44:28 Speaker 03 Oh, got it.
44:29 Speaker 04 It was Rudy, Barack, and Tiffany in the bodega. They were playing dice and...
44:37 Speaker 04 And he said, "Come play dice with us." And I did, and then we got crossfaded in there.
44:40 Speaker 03 Right, right.
44:41 Speaker 04 And, uh, I missed the fucking fight.
44:43 Speaker 03 Yeah.
44:44 Speaker 04 And so I don't, I still don't know what they got up to.
44:45 Speaker 03 I know. That is like, that, I know that's one of your biggest regrets.
44:51 Speaker 04 Yeah.
44:51 Speaker 03 Yeah.
44:52 Speaker 04 Yeah. Tiffany's incredible at, uh, cards and dice. Yeah, she, she, yeah, she really is something.
44:58 Speaker 03 So you guys were doing dice and you were like, playing poker?
45:01 Speaker 04 Yeah, uh, well, it was, well, it ended up being a long night.
45:04 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
45:04 Speaker 04 Yeah, we, I woke up.
45:06 Speaker 03 A bender. It was a bender.
45:08 Speaker 04 Yes, for lack of a better term.
45:10 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
45:11 Speaker 04 And, uh, yeah, I woke up, Rudy had left around three or four. He went to afters at Club Coming or something. There was something going on at Club Coming.
45:25 Speaker 04 He was trying to get a group. He was like, "Let's go to Club Coming." I was like, I was just there the other night and,
45:29 Speaker 03 Uh-huh.
45:30 Speaker 04 Um, I woke up with, uh, Baro-, not in the same bed, but in a hotel room in Atlantic City with Barack and, um... Yeah, the cast, the cast of Saved by the Bell had come.
45:41 Speaker 03 Really, all of them had come through. That's so cool. They're all so, so close.
45:45 Speaker 04 Yeah, they are. And, uh, yeah, we had, we had ended up in Atlantic City. But it was fun to see those guys. I hadn't seen them in a minute.
45:53 Speaker 03 Right.
45:54 Speaker 04 And, yeah, that's one of those things about New York.
45:58 Speaker 03 You're doing this and you're not even making eye contact with me, so it's.
46:05 Speaker 04 It's like the most.
46:06 Speaker 03 I'm trying to be like, how long is he going here?
46:09 Speaker 04 It's the most useless bit to begin with, but then to also never let it end.
46:13 Speaker 03 It is amazing.
46:15 Speaker 04 I think, well, I think it's an all-timer.
46:16 Speaker 03 I think, I mean, what do we think that was? Four, four minutes minimum?
46:20 Speaker 04 That's New York, you know? You go out thinking your night's gonna be one thing, you end up at the, and then that's New York.
46:26 Speaker 03 That's New York.
46:26 Speaker 04 Yeah, that's New York to me. That's my New York, anyway.
46:29 Speaker 03 At this point, do you feel like, okay, New York is so fucking awesome?
46:33 Speaker 04 What do you mean?
46:34 Speaker 03 Because you've lived here for a little bit now.
46:36 Speaker 04 A little bit.
46:36 Speaker 03 But you still kind of go all over.
46:38 Speaker 04 Yep.
46:38 Speaker 03 So now are you like, I love New York? Or are you like, New York is still kind of New York to me?
46:43 Speaker 04 Well, here's the funny thing. My friends in New York.
46:44 Speaker 03 Cause you were pretty LA-pilled for a while.
46:46 Speaker 04 Okay, so this is exactly what I'm talking about.
46:48 Speaker 03 I'm not trying to go into that conversation. I'm just saying.
46:50 Speaker 04 I just don't want to, yeah, I don't want to have tension. I don't want to have confrontation. A lot of my friends who lived in New York before I moved here, they're like, you totally flip-flopped on New York. And I'm like, that's actually not true. I have always loved New York and always hated many things about New York.
47:02 Speaker 03 Right.
47:02 Speaker 04 And I still hate all of those things about New York. And I live here anyway. Why did that happen? Well, I love LA, but I was tired of being 29 years old and texting people to go out and do stuff. And they're telling me that they're in bed and it's 9:00 PM.
47:17 Speaker 03 Right.
47:17 Speaker 04 I couldn't do it anymore. I was like, this is gonna be really appropriate in 15 years.
47:21 Speaker 03 Right.
47:22 Speaker 04 Right now.
47:22 Speaker 03 We need to.
47:23 Speaker 04 Everyone like needing to get to bed so they can wake up for a sunrise yoga class.
47:28 Speaker 03 Right.
47:28 Speaker 04 That's not the space that I'm in.
47:30 Speaker 03 I know, I know.
47:30 Speaker 04 And I'm not even a partyer or anything like that. I just want to be doing stuff.
47:33 Speaker 03 Yeah.
47:34 Speaker 04 So I'm loving New York.
47:35 Speaker 03 Yeah.
47:35 Speaker 04 People, people do things.
47:37 Speaker 03 Yeah, people have a life here.
47:38 Speaker 04 People do stuff. And that's LA. It's like very, people do stuff in LA for sure, but it's just my, my most frequent experience in LA was that, myself included, we would go out to a dinner or a drink and then the night was over.
47:52 Speaker 03 Yep.
47:52 Speaker 04 And I'm like, I'm looking for a little more.
47:54 Speaker 03 Right, right, right.
47:55 Speaker 04 Activity right now.
47:55 Speaker 03 Definitely.
47:56 Speaker 04 That's all.
47:57 Speaker 03 Yeah.
47:57 Speaker 04 Yeah.
47:58 Speaker 03 And that is what, what New York has. And when I go to LA, I, I find myself falling asleep. Just being there.
48:04 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah.
48:05 Speaker 03 At the wheel.
48:06 Speaker 04 Yeah, I'm falling asleep with the wheel. No, it is nice. I mean, it's like, I do, I did have a great time in LA. I liked like, there's something really great about the pace in LA sometimes.
48:15 Speaker 03 It could be lovely.
48:16 Speaker 04 Yeah.
48:17 Speaker 03 When you want that pace, LA is to die for.
48:20 Speaker 04 Yeah, but I also get that when I go to Kansas City. I'm like, Kansas City has stuff going on, but it's like a nice place to like relax as well. So how do I feel about New York? Well, I love it.
48:31 Speaker 03 I just need to know when I'm supposed to come to Kansas City.
48:34 Speaker 04 Anytime.
48:35 Speaker 03 But like, can you tell me, like, give me like an option or two of like best weekends to come?
48:42 Speaker 04 Yeah.
48:42 Speaker 03 And I'll be there.
48:44 Speaker 04 Okay.
48:44 Speaker 03 Unless you feel like it's actually so all around awesome that I just can come at any time.
48:49 Speaker 04 You can come at any time and we'll have a great time.
48:50 Speaker 03 Yeah.
48:51 Speaker 04 I would say I, I, I'm kind of encouraging everyone all the time to come for the benefit show for the tenant union. It's in the fall.
48:58 Speaker 03 Yeah.
48:59 Speaker 04 It's always a blast.
49:00 Speaker 03 Right.
49:01 Speaker 04 And it's like a big fun night and a great bill every time.
49:03 Speaker 03 Yeah.
49:03 Speaker 04 Um, but you can come to Kansas any time, babe.
49:06 Speaker 03 Yeah.
49:06 Speaker 04 Come stay at my house.
49:07 Speaker 03 I can't wait.
49:07 Speaker 04 We were just talking about doing a writing retreat there to finish up some projects that we need to finish. Not together.
49:13 Speaker 03 Who was, who did you say?
49:14 Speaker 04 Uh, Holmes, Chelsea Holmes.
49:17 Speaker 03 I'm unfamiliar completely.
49:18 Speaker 04 Do you know, they were, um, they were an IO person?
49:21 Speaker 03 No.
49:22 Speaker 04 Non-binary.
49:23 Speaker 03 I don't think so.
49:24 Speaker 04 Uh, a lot of overalls when we were in Chicago.
49:26 Speaker 03 Really dark brunette.
49:28 Speaker 04 One, for a couple of months, one year.
49:30 Speaker 03 No, I don't know.
49:31 Speaker 04 Um, yeah, non-binary.
49:33 Speaker 03 Totally.
49:34 Speaker 04 Used to drink quite a bit.
49:36 Speaker 03 Hmm. I'd think I'd be familiar, but no.
49:38 Speaker 04 Right. I'm trying to think if there's anything else that you would.
49:40 Speaker 03 I know who that is.
49:41 Speaker 04 They were in overcompensating Benny Skinner show.
49:45 Speaker 03 I know every, I feel like I can list everyone on that cast, but I don't know the name you're saying.
49:50 Speaker 04 Yeah, that's.
49:50 Speaker 03 I just don't know it.
49:51 Speaker 04 Obviously tough. I'm not super close with them, but I used to be.
49:55 Speaker 03 Right, right, right. But that sounds amazing.
49:57 Speaker 04 Yeah.
49:57 Speaker 03 And I will, I will join for that.
49:59 Speaker 04 Grace, I have a question for you.
50:00 Speaker 03 Yeah.
50:01 Speaker 04 What is so true to you?
50:04 Speaker 03 Okay, I feel, I, here's what I need to preface this with.
50:07 Speaker 04 Okay.
50:09 Speaker 03 I'm absolutely open to, I'm completely open to like, any thoughts people have on this. But I wanna just say I'm really passionate about it. And so I really want people to, before they kind of go, what? Just stick with me here, okay?
50:27 Speaker 04 Okay.
50:27 Speaker 03 What's so true is that Christmas should be in February or March.
50:31 Speaker 04 Yeah, easy.
50:33 Speaker 03 Oh, thank you.
50:34 Speaker 04 Done, done, yes, yeah.
50:35 Speaker 03 Okay, and my main reasoning being that we're, we're filming this right now in December.
50:42 Speaker 04 Yes, we are.
50:42 Speaker 03 And it's like, I'm having an amazing time. It snowed a couple of days ago, there's still snow outside, which is fucking beautiful.
50:48 Speaker 04 Yeah.
50:48 Speaker 03 The snow is not dirty, and all the Christmas lights and everything are up, and it's magical.
50:56 Speaker 03 In February, March, New York specifically will look so horrible.
51:02 Speaker 04 Yes.
51:02 Speaker 03 And as did Chicago when we lived there, and as did upstate New York when I've lived there.
51:06 Speaker 04 Yeah.
51:07 Speaker 03 It will look so horrible, and there's not a Christmas light to be seen.
51:11 Speaker 04 We need the cheer.
51:12 Speaker 03 We need the cheer.
51:13 Speaker 04 My also, can I just say?
51:15 Speaker 03 Yeah.
51:15 Speaker 04 Two major holidays in November and January already, Thanksgiving and my birthday.
51:20 Speaker 03 Yep.
51:20 Speaker 04 So, to have Christmas in December is a little bit like, let's just like, relax, move it to March.
51:27 Speaker 03 Yep.
51:27 Speaker 04 When it's needed.
51:28 Speaker 03 When it's needed.
51:29 Speaker 04 Yeah.
51:29 Speaker 03 That's what Jesus would want.
51:31 Speaker 04 I like that.
51:32 Speaker 03 And here's the deal, is also, it gives us time to like, admire and, and, and celebrate these other holidays, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa.
51:41 Speaker 04 Yeah.
51:42 Speaker 03 Christmas just absolutely fucking steamrolls the others.
51:45 Speaker 04 Yeah.
51:46 Speaker 03 It's not right.
51:47 Speaker 04 Yeah.
51:47 Speaker 03 And, it's potentially important to note that Christmas, it does come from a fictional storybook.
51:55 Speaker 04 Yeah.
51:55 Speaker 03 And so, I do think, let's change it.
51:58 Speaker 04 Let's change it.
51:59 Speaker 03 Let's take what we can, okay? We can't change, um, what's it called, when now the lights, the sun goes down early?
52:09 Speaker 04 Winter.
52:10 Speaker 03 No, you guys know the, like, term of-
52:12 Speaker 04 The equinox?
52:13 Speaker 03 No, come on, daylight, daylight savings. We can't change daylight savings, they won't let us.
52:18 Speaker 04 We should, though.
52:18 Speaker 03 We should, but I swore a few years ago, there was a major article saying that someone was trying.
52:24 Speaker 04 Do you know what I've been saying for a long time? We should have, it should be one time, everywhere. If it's one.
52:32 Speaker 03 That's so fucked up.
52:33 Speaker 04 If it's 1pm in New York.
52:34 Speaker 03 I already know.
52:35 Speaker 04 Hold on, hold on. If it's 1pm in New York and it's daytime, then it's 1pm in Australia, it's 1pm in London, and it just means different times for different places. It's 1pm everywhere. You go, hey, do you want to have a phone call at 1pm tomorrow? You say that, everyone, it's 1pm, but some people would say no because 1pm is the middle of their night. So then, so then you go, it's like, okay, so you know, you know how you had to do, you know how you had to do so much math about the times?
53:06 Speaker 03 That's easy for me, but continue.
53:08 Speaker 04 It's easy for me too.
53:09 Speaker 03 I love addition. It's one of my favorite math forms.
53:12 Speaker 04 Okay.
53:12 Speaker 03 And subtraction.
53:13 Speaker 04 Okay. Well, I'm not saying it's difficult. I'm just saying it's silly and superfluous to be doing that. We could have one time everywhere.
53:21 Speaker 03 Okay, I'm hearing you. Like, I want to be fully agreeing with you.
53:25 Speaker 04 Okay.
53:26 Speaker 03 I just have a few questions.
53:27 Speaker 04 Ask them.
53:28 Speaker 03 My first question is like, so then like, what hours of the day do people work?
53:33 Speaker 04 They work whatever the like day, like so they work like whatever, okay, so you know how you.
53:40 Speaker 03 You know how.
53:41 Speaker 04 You know right now.
53:41 Speaker 03 He said that like five times. It's all, you know how.
53:44 Speaker 04 Right now, it's like nine to five. That's like the classic one, right?
53:47 Speaker 03 That's the classic one.
53:48 Speaker 04 That's totally classic.
53:48 Speaker 03 The one I know and love.
53:49 Speaker 04 That's the totally classic one.
53:50 Speaker 03 Yeah.
53:51 Speaker 04 But instead, it would be like, okay, you're gonna work sunrise for seven hours. Or whatever. We would find a way to do it.
54:00 Speaker 03 Okay, okay, I like that. People waking up at sunrise every day?
54:04 Speaker 04 No, we would find a standard way.
54:07 Speaker 03 That's kind of where I wanted your answer to go. So it is still based on sunrise.
54:11 Speaker 04 It's based on sunrise.
54:13 Speaker 03 But I think the tricky part is then like, you know, sunrise changes a couple of minutes or so every day, maybe.
54:20 Speaker 04 Totally.
54:21 Speaker 03 That seemed right, guys.
54:22 Speaker 04 So what I'm saying is like, you wouldn't do it day by day. Okay. Like in, like say in New York, say we were gonna set New York as the standard.
54:28 Speaker 03 Okay.
54:28 Speaker 04 That you'd say, okay, New York's workday is nine to five.
54:30 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
54:31 Speaker 04 Well, that means that LA's workday would be, uh, like, you know, freaking.
54:40 Speaker 04 Freaking, and theirs would be like whatever their hours were.
54:43 Speaker 03 Of course. Don't make the man do math.
54:46 Speaker 04 So it'd be like, okay, ours is nine to five, theirs is noon to eight, because that's out there.
54:54 Speaker 04 Do you know what I mean? Like, that's where the sun, do you understand?
54:59 Speaker 04 There's what I'm saying.
55:00 Speaker 03 I think so.
55:01 Speaker 04 Cause the sun, well, the sun rotates.
55:03 Speaker 03 Yep. Yep. So I just want to make sure, though, that we are not having, are you having places where it will be dark for their, their work day, work hours?
55:16 Speaker 04 No.
55:17 Speaker 03 Okay, so you're trying to avoid that?
55:19 Speaker 04 No.
55:19 Speaker 03 Like, is that my question to you?
55:21 Speaker 04 I'm avoiding that, that's totally avoided.
55:23 Speaker 03 Me saying, is that my question to you?
55:24 Speaker 04 That's your question to me.
55:25 Speaker 03 Cause I'm that confused right now.
55:26 Speaker 04 And I've avoided it, and I want to tell you, when we make this change, we're also going to a four day work week.
55:31 Speaker 03 Yeah, that's huge.
55:33 Speaker 04 We're going to a four day work week.
55:34 Speaker 03 That is so impactful, Caleb.
55:37 Speaker 04 Yeah, Monday through Thursday.
55:37 Speaker 03 I really want you to follow through on this.
55:39 Speaker 04 Monday through Thursday.
55:40 Speaker 03 No, I don't want you to, I don't want to text you in a week and you go, oh, I dropped this idea. No.
55:45 Speaker 04 No.
55:45 Speaker 03 I want you to really make this happen. I think you can.
55:48 Speaker 04 Four day work week is the moderate proposal.
55:50 Speaker 03 Yeah.
55:51 Speaker 04 Five and two is one of the most fucked up.
55:54 Speaker 03 It's.
55:55 Speaker 04 Things I've ever heard.
55:55 Speaker 03 Because I literally, and I really am saying this with so much immense privilege, because I rarely work five days a week.
56:04 Speaker 04 Yeah.
56:04 Speaker 03 But I seriously, it's like, Friday at 6:00 PM comes around, and I'm like, great, it's already Saturday.
56:11 Speaker 04 Yeah.
56:12 Speaker 03 And then Saturday, well, that's Monday, honey.
56:14 Speaker 04 Yeah.
56:15 Speaker 03 That's how depressing it feels.
56:17 Speaker 04 Sunday's Tuesday, yeah.
56:17 Speaker 03 It's not right.
56:18 Speaker 04 It's not right. This isn't working.
56:20 Speaker 03 I remember a friend of mine, um, his job, like, maybe six years ago, switched to four days a week, and like, actually productivity in his whole work, I know this is like, everyone knows this kind of thing, and Europe does this shit all the time, but his, the productivity over his whole workplace, like, every employee went up 40%.
56:38 Speaker 04 Yeah. Well, cause a lot of those places that have switched to four day work weeks, they put in other protocols as well, where it's like,
56:43 Speaker 03 Right.
56:43 Speaker 04 No meetings without an agenda, no agendas longer than a page, like, they, they put things in place that are like.
56:48 Speaker 03 Which is a bummer, because my favorite kind of meeting has no agenda.
56:51 Speaker 04 Right.
56:51 Speaker 03 But I understand it for people who are at work.
56:54 Speaker 04 For productivity. Yeah, for productivity, yeah.
56:56 Speaker 03 Yeah.
56:57 Speaker 04 Yeah, Europeans are lazy.
56:59 Speaker 03 Is that what it is?
57:02 Speaker 03 I'll let you say that.
57:03 Speaker 04 They just fuck off for the middle of entire days and whole months.
57:05 Speaker 03 Yeah.
57:06 Speaker 04 Sorry, I like, I do, I'm actually going back. We're gonna keep the times the way they are and we're gonna work eight to seven.
57:11 Speaker 03 Really?
57:11 Speaker 04 Yeah, I just decided I-
57:12 Speaker 03 Eight to seven?
57:13 Speaker 04 I love America. I just got really pro-America.
57:16 Speaker 03 Are you going to five now?
57:18 Speaker 04 No, I don't think Europeans are lazy. I'm quite jealous and that's where that came from.
57:21 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
57:22 Speaker 04 I'm jealous of the way they treat work.
57:23 Speaker 03 Right.
57:24 Speaker 04 I mean, they make, yeah, you see their salaries and you go, I understand why you're getting the time off, but-
57:28 Speaker 03 Okay, I mean, no, that is crazy. Europe gets, they, I mean, my friend who lives in France, she has like all of August off.
57:35 Speaker 04 Yeah.
57:35 Speaker 03 All of it.
57:36 Speaker 04 Yeah.
57:36 Speaker 03 How is that possible? I'm unsure.
57:38 Speaker 04 I'm jealous.
57:39 Speaker 03 I'm completely jealous. It pisses me off. But here's something with my Christmas idea.
57:45 Speaker 04 Say it.
57:45 Speaker 03 I realize that the hardest mental block for people will be that, you know, Christmas time-
57:54 Speaker 04 Yeah.
57:54 Speaker 03 Is our biggest like work break of the year.
57:57 Speaker 04 Right.
57:57 Speaker 03 But I'm saying we're adding more. I'm saying now we, we, we keep our Christmas time off-
58:03 Speaker 04 Yes.
58:03 Speaker 03 For Hanukkah and Kwanzaa.
58:04 Speaker 04 Yes.
58:05 Speaker 03 And for New Year's.
58:06 Speaker 04 I wanna, I wanna thank you, by the way, for go, for adding Kwanzaa into the whole mix.
58:09 Speaker 03 Of course.
58:09 Speaker 04 You've been really fighting for Kwanzaa.
58:10 Speaker 03 I'm really fighting for Kwanzaa.
58:11 Speaker 04 And that's beautiful.
58:12 Speaker 03 Well, absolutely.
58:13 Speaker 04 Yeah.
58:13 Speaker 03 Do I know really very much about Hanukkah or Kwanzaa? No.
58:17 Speaker 04 No.
58:17 Speaker 03 But you know what? That's okay. Realistically, I know very little about Christmas as well.
58:22 Speaker 04 I know little about much, yeah.
58:24 Speaker 03 I know Santa, honey.
58:25 Speaker 04 Honey, I heard of him.
58:26 Speaker 03 That's what I know.
58:27 Speaker 04 Yeah.
58:28 Speaker 03 So what I'm saying is if we do Christmas in, I, I wanna do February, but let's say March, why not?
58:36 Speaker 04 Yeah.
58:37 Speaker 03 But maybe we should do February just so there's still snow on the ground.
58:40 Speaker 04 Do you know what else we could do?
58:41 Speaker 03 Hmm.
58:43 Speaker 04 Every month-
58:44 Speaker 03 Yeah.
58:44 Speaker 04 We work the first, second, and third week of the month. Ooh, hold on, what about this?
58:52 Speaker 03 Okay.
58:52 Speaker 04 January.
58:53 Speaker 03 Yeah.
58:54 Speaker 04 We work, we don't work the first week of the month.
58:56 Speaker 03 Why would be?
58:57 Speaker 04 Second, third, and fourth, we work.
58:59 Speaker 03 Yeah.
59:00 Speaker 04 Then we work the first, second and third of February. We don't work the fourth week of February. We don't work the first week of March and we keep going in that pattern. Where there's like six weeks in a row, sometimes where we're all working. But then there's two weeks where we're not and we do that all year round, baby.
59:17 Speaker 03 I think that's how it should be.
59:20 Speaker 04 That's a good one.
59:20 Speaker 03 Because the moment that like a couple, um, uh, like national holidays are over near the beginning of the year. Honestly, looking at the calendar is really dark.
59:33 Speaker 04 It's tough.
59:34 Speaker 03 It's really dark. You'll be in like February and you'll be like, oh shit. So we're straight up waiting till fourth of July.
59:40 Speaker 04 Yeah, that's our next like break.
59:41 Speaker 03 To have a day off.
59:42 Speaker 04 Yeah, but in my system, it's not like that.
59:44 Speaker 03 I know.
59:44 Speaker 04 And if I think this is what I'll say to whoever's listening, if you, if anybody is in charge of this. How we do this. I'll keep the time the way it is. I will give on the time.
59:54 Speaker 03 Okay.
59:55 Speaker 04 As a concession. If we do my weeks plan.
59:59 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
1:00:00 Speaker 04 If anyone listening has control over that stuff.
1:00:02 Speaker 03 But you don't want to do, you want to do six weeks.
1:00:06 Speaker 04 Well, I just thought it would be nice because then it creates the reality where we have two weeks off in a row sometimes.
1:00:11 Speaker 03 I know, and the two weeks off is very special, especially for vacation kind of stuff.
1:00:15 Speaker 04 Vacation.
1:00:16 Speaker 03 But I was thinking like, what if just the first week of every month is off?
1:00:20 Speaker 04 Well, I thought that too, but then the reality is you never get two weeks in a row off.
1:00:23 Speaker 03 I know.
1:00:24 Speaker 04 Unless you want to use your PTO.
1:00:25 Speaker 03 Right.
1:00:26 Speaker 04 Yeah. You could use it as your own two weeks.
1:00:29 Speaker 03 Talking to friends with corporate jobs, like my friend last week was like, what are you doing today? And I was like, I'm like, you know, waiting to see if I'm going into work or not, but what are you doing? And he's like, I took the week off and I was like, how? And he's like, I had vacation time I had to use and I truly am like, what does that mean?
1:00:47 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:00:47 Speaker 03 How, that doesn't make any sense. Like, I'm happy for him, but that's why corporate America is so bizarre.
1:00:54 Speaker 04 It's crazy.
1:00:55 Speaker 03 He literally was like, yeah, I'm not going anywhere, so I just am going to take a week off, even though I'm at home in New York.
1:01:01 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:01:01 Speaker 03 Just because.
1:01:02 Speaker 04 He should.
1:01:03 Speaker 03 I know, I know.
1:01:04 Speaker 04 You have to take that time.
1:01:05 Speaker 03 I know, but it's just so funny.
1:01:07 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:01:08 Speaker 03 I guess I've just never worked a corporate job in my whole life.
1:01:10 Speaker 04 I have.
1:01:11 Speaker 03 I did service to this.
1:01:12 Speaker 04 You did.
1:01:13 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:01:14 Speaker 04 You did. I remember that.
1:01:15 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:01:15 Speaker 04 I remember that.
1:01:16 Speaker 03 And I remember you and your corporate job.
1:01:18 Speaker 04 I was, yeah, it was not pretty.
1:01:19 Speaker 03 Crazy.
1:01:21 Speaker 04 It was not pretty.
1:01:21 Speaker 03 No, it wasn't.
1:01:22 Speaker 04 I was showing up to those offices with an outsized attitude.
1:01:26 Speaker 03 I do feel like you were like borderline getting in trouble sometimes.
1:01:29 Speaker 04 Oh, border, honey, borderline.
1:01:31 Speaker 03 Okay.
1:01:31 Speaker 04 I was in trouble.
1:01:32 Speaker 03 That's what I thought.
1:01:33 Speaker 04 It wasn't even getting in. I existed in trouble.
1:01:34 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:01:35 Speaker 04 Yeah. Oh, I was, yeah, I would hit the sweet spot. I would get a new job and I would do, I would do what I call hitting the sweet spot. Which is where you work a little hard for two weeks.
1:01:45 Speaker 03 Yes.
1:01:45 Speaker 04 Win everybody over personality style. Take all your sick days quickly. Take any PTO that you've accrued. And then just kind of wait for them to fire you or quit.
1:01:52 Speaker 03 Right, right.
1:01:53 Speaker 04 I, yeah, I was really, I was focused on comedy only. Yeah, was not worried about those day jobs.
1:01:59 Speaker 03 Well, no, and why would you have been?
1:02:01 Speaker 04 Didn't care about benefits. Cause I was also like, I'm on my mom's health insurance.
1:02:04 Speaker 03 Sure.
1:02:04 Speaker 04 Until she's a nurse, so I was on her health. I was lucky to have like a decent health insurance plan.
1:02:08 Speaker 03 That's amazing.
1:02:09 Speaker 04 I was like, I got to Chicago when I was 21 or something, 21, 22. And I was like, I got a couple of years of not having to think about benefits.
1:02:16 Speaker 03 Right.
1:02:16 Speaker 04 I'm doing whatever I want.
1:02:18 Speaker 03 Yeah. Also, how like amazing, but also depressing that the only thing that you really cared about was health insurance?
1:02:25 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:02:25 Speaker 03 And that's what most people cannot get at all.
1:02:28 Speaker 04 That's why they don't.
1:02:29 Speaker 03 Oh my God.
1:02:31 Speaker 04 That's why they don't want us to universalize health insurance is because it would disincentivize so many people from working bad jobs.
1:02:35 Speaker 03 Exactly, exactly.
1:02:37 Speaker 04 They want us to, Michelle, what's going on over there?
1:02:42 Speaker 04 Oh, food's here.
1:02:43 Speaker 03 Food's here.
1:02:44 Speaker 04 I didn't know we were still ordering food. I love that. Did you, did I get something? Nice.
1:02:49 Speaker 03 I got something too, by the way.
1:02:50 Speaker 04 Did you?
1:02:50 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
1:02:51 Speaker 04 Yay, we're gonna eat lunch soon.
1:02:52 Speaker 03 Just something for you to know.
1:02:54 Speaker 04 What?
1:02:55 Speaker 03 Your lunch that your crew got.
1:02:58 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:02:58 Speaker 03 Today, this is how my boy is doing. That, this restaurant is my, I'm really gonna ball out for takeout tonight restaurant.
1:03:10 Speaker 03 It's fully my sushi spot where I'm like, I can't believe I'm doing this.
1:03:14 Speaker 04 Let's go. So you're so happy?
1:03:17 Speaker 03 Yeah, I'm really fucking happy.
1:03:18 Speaker 04 Making you happy is my only goal.
1:03:20 Speaker 03 I know.
1:03:21 Speaker 04 Do you wanna play a game?
1:03:22 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:03:23 Speaker 04 Okay. Grace?
1:03:29 Speaker 03 Miserable already, just seeing that clipboard.
1:03:33 Speaker 04 You know what time it is. Grace, I'm gonna read you 15 statements. You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false. If you get 10 or more correct, we're gonna give you 50 US dollars.
1:03:43 Speaker 03 That's it? It hasn't gone up since last time I was here?
1:03:45 Speaker 04 No.
1:03:47 Speaker 04 Now you get sushi. The Foo Fighters formed in 2000.
1:03:50 Speaker 03 False.
1:03:51 Speaker 04 False, 1994. Michelle Obama went to Yale for undergrad.
1:03:54 Speaker 03 True?
1:03:55 Speaker 04 False, Princeton. Mobile is the capital of Alabama.
1:03:59 Speaker 03 True.
1:03:59 Speaker 04 False, Montgomery. The clown from Stephen King's It is named Pennywise.
1:04:04 Speaker 03 True.
1:04:04 Speaker 04 True. The BlackBerry was invented in California.
1:04:07 Speaker 03 True.
1:04:08 Speaker 04 False, Waterloo, Canada. Skidmore College was originally the Young Women's Industrial Club.
1:04:14 Speaker 03 True?
1:04:14 Speaker 04 True. Dogs have three eyelids.
1:04:18 Speaker 03 False.
1:04:19 Speaker 04 True.
1:04:19 Speaker 03 Fuck.
1:04:20 Speaker 04 Marge Simpson's mother's name is Madeline.
1:04:22 Speaker 03 True.
1:04:23 Speaker 04 False, Jacqueline. Mariska Hargitay went to Hoover High School.
1:04:28 Speaker 03 False.
1:04:29 Speaker 04 False, Marymount High School. Identical twins don't have the same fingerprints.
1:04:33 Speaker 03 True.
1:04:34 Speaker 04 True. Walmart and Target opened their first stores in the same year.
1:04:38 Speaker 03 True.
1:04:38 Speaker 04 True. The current mayor of Chicago is Brandon Johnson.
1:04:42 Speaker 03 Oh, I don't know. True?
1:04:44 Speaker 04 True. Snow leopards can leap up to 50 feet in a single jump.
1:04:48 Speaker 03 True.
1:04:49 Speaker 04 True. Jupiter is the largest object in our solar system.
1:04:53 Speaker 03 False.
1:04:53 Speaker 04 False, it's the sun. Doctors who are liver specialists are called hepatologists.
1:04:58 Speaker 03 True.
1:04:59 Speaker 04 True. How'd she do? An incredible comeback for the ages 10?
1:05:05 Speaker 04 Grace, Grace, Grace, Grace, Grace. Hell, yeah, queen.
1:05:10 Speaker 03 Your crew lifts me up in my chair.
1:05:14 Speaker 04 They're not allowed to move from their seats.
1:05:16 Speaker 03 I did so bad last time.
1:05:18 Speaker 04 Yeah. Did you?
1:05:19 Speaker 03 Well, I didn't win.
1:05:20 Speaker 04 Oh, I didn't know that.
1:05:21 Speaker 03 Oh, my God. How does my money come? In cash? Is it Zelle?
1:05:27 Speaker 04 Grace, not to ask questions. It was so nice to have you on.
1:05:29 Speaker 03 No, how does my money come?
1:05:30 Speaker 04 And God, we love you. Grace, tell people where they can find you. You get dragged off in handcuffs. Grace, I love you so much.
1:05:39 Speaker 03 I love you so much.
1:05:41 Speaker 04 Thanks for doing it again, buddy.
1:05:42 Speaker 03 Of course, I love the So True fanbase and I really love being here.
1:05:46 Speaker 04 Do you want to tell people where they can find you?
1:05:48 Speaker 03 Yeah, you can find me on Instagram, TikTok and other platforms, @GKUHLENSCHMITT and on The Daily Show. And right now, I think that's about it for me.
1:06:05 Speaker 04 Okay, that's a lot.
1:06:06 Speaker 03 Hey, pretty good.
1:06:08 Speaker 04 Love you.
1:06:08 Speaker 03 I love you.
1:06:12 Speaker 00 This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. You can go deep, keep it on the ground, or draw up something nobody sees coming. And whether you want to run a flea flicker or the tush push, you need a plan to fit your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you so they can help personalize coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.
1:06:40 Speaker 02 Whenever fall comes back around, it always feels like a fresh start. This year, I've been layering in some styles from the new Lululemon fall drop because the weather is shifting and I find I have to be ready for the entire day and not just one part of it. Lululemon's fall line has some really versatile transitional pieces so I can just wake up, throw on a matching set, add a jacket or a fleece, and head out, knowing that I'll feel comfortable enough to go wherever the day takes me. Check out the new fall arrivals in store and online now at lululemon.com.
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