Pod Insights So True with Caleb Hearon Brittany Broski Returns About this episode Folks, it’s the ONE HUNDREDTH EPISODE OF SO TRUE and the only way we saw fit to celebrate 100 episodes was to invite our old pal the one and only Brittany Broski to join us for the special occasion! Brittany and Caleb talk their plans for the new year, acting exercises, pop divas, yearning, and much more!
Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/
Follow Brittany! @brittany_broski
Follow the show! @sooootruepod
Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings
Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud
So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Virginia Muller. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York.
A Wave series. wavesportsandentertainment.com
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript 16,071 words · 6 speakers
0:00 Speaker 00 Let's be honest, you don't go to the holiday gift exchange just to participate. You go to win. This year, cause a stir. Gift a KitchenAid stand mixer to whip up new traditions. Tis your season to mix it up.
0:16 Speaker 01 At Peloton, sometimes thinking big means thinking small. Introducing the new Peloton Tread Flex. Our first foldable and movable tread that's just about three feet stowed so you can roll it away. With an ultra-quiet and comfortable belt that whispers while you run. Made to fit however you move, and fit to move wherever you like. Let yourself run. Peloton. Explore Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com.
0:46 Speaker 02 Born from the intensity of a night in the eternal city. Introducing Born in Roma Fragrances by Valentino. Feminine perfume Donna Born in Roma features juicy black currant, central jasmine, soft cashmerin, and warm vanilla. Masculine leaning but unisex Womo has notes of fresh violet leaf, aromatic sage, green vetiver, and mineral salt. Shop holiday gifts at macys.com.
1:16 Speaker 03 Wave.
1:19 Speaker 03 I found your grinder account. And let me just stop you, right? Let me stop you. You sneaky, conniving- Oh, me? You. Sure. What were you doing going through my iPad? Well-
1:37 Speaker 03 What were you doing going through my Galaxy tablet?
1:47 Speaker 03 So, Brittany, I'm so delighted to tell you that this is our 100th episode of So True. Now, you're probably looking at the- The big 6-0? The 60 balloons that we have here. What happened was my beautiful, gorgeous, perfect assistant, Michelle, she ordered the balloons to be delivered here. And they brought, instead of bringing the numbers 1, 0, 0, they sort of inexplicably brought the numbers 6 and 0. And then when she at the door with the man said, "Hey, this is supposed to be 100," he said, "That's crazy."
2:22 Speaker 04 Right.
2:22 Speaker 03 Here's a six in a z. Oh, well. So that's what we've got going on for our 100th episode. Is the number 60 in the background because they just decided.
2:33 Speaker 04 You know what they say, lucky number 60.
2:36 Speaker 03 Lucky number 60, and that's you.
2:37 Speaker 04 Yeah, very me.
2:38 Speaker 03 That's you.
2:39 Speaker 04 They also say 6'7".
2:40 Speaker 03 6'7".
2:41 Speaker 04 You know what that is?
2:42 Speaker 03 I still don't understand that.
2:43 Speaker 04 You wouldn't get it, it's not for you.
2:44 Speaker 03 I don't get it.
2:45 Speaker 04 Yeah.
2:45 Speaker 03 And I'm not trying to get it.
2:46 Speaker 04 I don't think you need to.
2:47 Speaker 03 I'll say with that kind of stuff, I've moved on, I'm on a higher plane, I'm in a different place.
2:52 Speaker 04 Oh, you start hanging out in Meryl Streep, you think you're better than 6'7".
2:54 Speaker 03 Yes.
2:58 Speaker 03 Yes.
2:58 Speaker 04 You might be right.
2:59 Speaker 03 Yes, I'm not trying to understand that stuff.
3:02 Speaker 04 Yeah.
3:03 Speaker 03 Because I think there's kind of nothing sadder than getting into your 30s. Once I turned 30, I said, you know what?
3:09 Speaker 04 Just period?
3:10 Speaker 03 There's nothing sadder than getting into your 30s.
3:11 Speaker 04 Being 30s, oh, yeah.
3:12 Speaker 03 No, I love being in my 30s, but once I turned 30, I said, there's nothing sadder than being the guy who doesn't understand young people's stuff and is obsessively trying to prove that you kind of do.
3:21 Speaker 04 Yeah.
3:21 Speaker 03 I'm like, no, I don't get that, that's not for me to know about.
3:23 Speaker 04 Hello, fellow youths.
3:24 Speaker 03 Hello, fellow youths.
3:25 Speaker 04 Yeah, it's very that.
3:26 Speaker 03 One of the most impactful memes of all time.
3:28 Speaker 04 I agree.
3:28 Speaker 03 Hello, fellow young people.
3:29 Speaker 04 Yeah.
3:30 Speaker 03 Yeah.
3:30 Speaker 04 That's how I feel sometimes when I'll have people come up to me and they'll be like, I started watching you when I was in high school and I'm graduating college. What the fuck are you talking about?
3:40 Speaker 03 I beg your pardon.
3:41 Speaker 04 Why would you ever say that to me?
3:43 Speaker 03 I beg your pardon.
3:44 Speaker 04 And you want to know something else? I did recess therapy on Monday in this beautiful city of New York.
3:47 Speaker 03 Yeah.
3:48 Speaker 04 Okay, I'm sitting there with a youth.
3:50 Speaker 03 Yeah.
3:50 Speaker 04 I'm speaking with the youth.
3:51 Speaker 03 You're with the youth and Julian?
3:53 Speaker 04 He goes.
3:54 Speaker 03 Cute, by the way.
3:54 Speaker 04 Very cute.
3:55 Speaker 03 Cute, Julian, very cute.
3:56 Speaker 04 Julian sexy.
3:57 Speaker 03 Julian is, has an energy.
3:59 Speaker 04 Yeah.
4:00 Speaker 03 Julian has an energy.
4:01 Speaker 04 Julian, we're looking for a third.
4:02 Speaker 03 Now, mind you, Julian, we're looking for a third if you're interested. I'm not going to say what you'll have to do, but it's, I'd call it cleanup crew.
4:07 Speaker 04 Yeah, it's cleanup crew and also knitting club.
4:09 Speaker 03 Yeah, are you going to be knitting during the episode?
4:11 Speaker 04 If you don't mind, I've just got some work to do, last minute work to do.
4:13 Speaker 03 You've gotten too comfortable with me, for sure. Yeah.
4:16 Speaker 04 I haven't even taken my pants off yet.
4:17 Speaker 03 You don't take me seriously.
4:20 Speaker 04 Don't say that.
4:21 Speaker 03 We bring in the 60 balloons for you.
4:23 Speaker 04 Lucky number six.
4:24 Speaker 03 Number six, though.
4:25 Speaker 04 Um, I was with the children.
4:26 Speaker 03 Yes.
4:27 Speaker 04 And this kid, in the middle of me saying something, he had asked me a question halfway through, decided he didn't care about my answer. He goes, how old are you?
4:34 Speaker 03 Well.
4:35 Speaker 04 Yeah, well, right?
4:36 Speaker 03 Answer him.
4:36 Speaker 04 He goes, he goes, how old are you? I said, how old are you? He goes, eight. I said, well, I'm 20 plus eight. He goes, what?
4:45 Speaker 03 Well.
4:45 Speaker 04 I thought you were like 36.
4:47 Speaker 03 Oh.
4:49 Speaker 04 I looked at his dad, I said.
4:51 Speaker 03 Oh, that's not, oh.
4:53 Speaker 04 I said, that's unbelievable.
4:55 Speaker 03 Unacceptable.
4:56 Speaker 04 Yeah.
4:57 Speaker 03 Bring back hitting kids.
4:58 Speaker 04 Bring back spanking, bring back the belt.
5:00 Speaker 03 The belt. Bring back going and picking a switch.
5:03 Speaker 04 Yeah, bring back hitting the switch for someone else's kid.
5:06 Speaker 03 Yeah.
5:06 Speaker 04 I should be able to beat your kid because he said that to me.
5:08 Speaker 03 Well, everyone wants to be part of a village, but no one wants to be a village.
5:14 Speaker 04 And apparently I'm an elder.
5:15 Speaker 03 Let me hit your kid.
5:16 Speaker 04 I'm a village elder, let me hit your kid. Yeah.
5:19 Speaker 03 You are a village elder.
5:20 Speaker 04 You are.
5:21 Speaker 03 You are, girl.
5:21 Speaker 04 You will not scare me into being afraid of aging.
5:24 Speaker 03 I'm not afraid of aging, I'm loving it.
5:25 Speaker 04 Yeah.
5:26 Speaker 03 You're an elder currently, you're gonna become more of an elder.
5:29 Speaker 04 I'm like, I'm the eldest.
5:30 Speaker 03 I turned 30 and I felt a release I can't even explain to you.
5:34 Speaker 04 Yeah.
5:34 Speaker 03 It's like, there was something about my twenties that I was like, I was always like, my twenties, my twenties, my twenties have to be so special. I turned 30 and I was like, baby.
5:41 Speaker 04 Yeah.
5:42 Speaker 03 It's five o'clock somewhere.
5:43 Speaker 04 And it always is.
5:45 Speaker 03 Always five o'clock somewhere.
5:46 Speaker 04 And it's always the 60th episode somewhere.
5:48 Speaker 03 60. Big 60, how do you feel?
5:51 Speaker 04 I feel like y'all should definitely get a refund for the balloons you got.
5:56 Speaker 03 Yeah. We'll be pursuing that expeditiously.
5:58 Speaker 04 Okay, great.
6:00 Speaker 03 You have been with So True since the very start.
6:02 Speaker 04 Caleb, it is my honor and privilege to have been one of the first.
6:05 Speaker 03 You were one of the first and we actually recorded, I don't know, did we ever talk about on one of your episodes, the episode that you recorded and we didn't get to put out?
6:12 Speaker 04 Oh.
6:13 Speaker 03 Remember that?
6:14 Speaker 04 One of the funniest pieces of lost media that's ever existed.
6:17 Speaker 03 We went really hard on that unreleased episode.
6:19 Speaker 04 Can I say something? We're funny.
6:21 Speaker 03 You and me?
6:21 Speaker 04 Yeah.
6:22 Speaker 03 I would love to feel that someday, because what I think-
6:25 Speaker 04 I wish I could agree.
6:26 Speaker 03 Yeah, I wish I could agree.
6:27 Speaker 04 I wish I could agree.
6:28 Speaker 03 I watch our stuff and I see people having fun with it and I go, what are they seeing that I'm not?
6:33 Speaker 04 If you got it, you got it. If you don't, you clip it and post it on TikTok.
6:36 Speaker 03 You clip it and post it on TikTok and that's what I'm doing.
6:38 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
6:39 Speaker 03 Yeah.
6:39 Speaker 04 I do feel like our friendship is a lot of just clip farming.
6:43 Speaker 03 For sure.
6:43 Speaker 04 Yeah.
6:44 Speaker 03 I would say our friendship is 90% business, public facing relationship.
6:48 Speaker 04 Yes.
6:49 Speaker 03 You, when I, when I asked you, I found out you were gonna be in New York from like an Instagram story. And I, I immediately called you and said, don't you ever in your fucking life, post on Instagram that you're gonna be in New York City and not have texted me first. And I thought I really had you. Like, I thought you were gonna be like, my bad. And then you go, how the fuck am I supposed to know where you're at? And I was like, whoa.
7:10 Speaker 04 Where in the world is Caleb Aaron?
7:11 Speaker 03 But you did accuse me, you did accuse me when I asked you to come on the show of, um, using our friendship for views. And I just wanna say, all jokes aside, I 100% am.
7:23 Speaker 03 I don't like you much.
7:25 Speaker 04 Yeah.
7:25 Speaker 03 And I hang out with you for the views, yeah.
7:27 Speaker 04 Under these lights.
7:28 Speaker 03 Yes.
7:28 Speaker 04 Magic happens.
7:29 Speaker 03 Under the, this is, we come here for magic.
7:31 Speaker 04 We come here to this theater.
7:33 Speaker 03 This theater, huh?
7:34 Speaker 04 For magic.
7:35 Speaker 03 And once the cameras cut, this'll be our interaction. Alright, thanks for doing it, Brittany.
7:39 Speaker 04 Yeah, when is this releasing?
7:41 Speaker 03 This comes out, January?
7:42 Speaker 04 January 8th. Great, okay.
7:45 Speaker 03 Yeah.
7:45 Speaker 04 I'll have the like indie eight drawn up by then and all whatever. We go back to our separate dressing rooms.
7:49 Speaker 03 Yeah. Oh, God, I do wish we had a, what's funny, I think about our friendship to me is that, I think when people see us online, and Drew as well, which, you know, Drew is not here and that's obviously a benefit.
8:03 Speaker 04 She's passed on.
8:04 Speaker 03 She's passed on, yeah.
8:05 Speaker 04 In California, she's just in California.
8:07 Speaker 03 She's in a different place.
8:07 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
8:08 Speaker 03 Uh, but people see us online and I think they think that when we're together, it's like, I don't know, like, we're like both like the squirrel from Ice Age or something.
8:15 Speaker 04 Scrap.
8:15 Speaker 03 Like, we're like fucking banging, yeah, we're like banging shit into the ice and like running around crazy and giggling the whole time. And then we're hanging out, we're like literally holding each other's hands and being like, you are worthy of so much more than you know.
8:26 Speaker 04 Caleb and I were just talking, like, before we come on here and we're like, butthole.
8:32 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
8:32 Speaker 04 Butthole pick of the day.
8:33 Speaker 03 Yeah.
8:34 Speaker 04 We do, um, who are you outside of yearning? And who are you, who are you in having?
8:41 Speaker 03 On the podcast, we're like, man, I would binge you over right now if these cameras weren't on. Five minutes ago, off camera, we're truly over there being like, outside of wanting, you have value. No matter what, you have value.
8:56 Speaker 04 It's so stunning.
8:57 Speaker 03 I love it.
8:58 Speaker 04 I love, love, love, love, love it.
8:59 Speaker 03 I love being a girl.
9:00 Speaker 04 I love being a girl, too. I think we should start planning more dates.
9:03 Speaker 03 Me and you?
9:04 Speaker 04 Yeah, you and me.
9:05 Speaker 03 I tried to take you on a date tonight and you canceled on me.
9:07 Speaker 04 I did actually cancel on you. I have to go to the ballet.
9:09 Speaker 03 Yeah, I made a date for us tonight. I actually, it's kind of sad because actually you had told me we could go on a date tonight. So I, I made an assemblance of plans. I made, I planned like two or three events. You know that I did. I had a concert that I was gonna take us to.
9:20 Speaker 04 Yeah.
9:21 Speaker 03 And then I had a members only event at the museum that I was gonna take you on a date to. And you text me back and you go, you go, "Sugar, I'm so sorry. You know, I had a thing with the ballet."
9:33 Speaker 04 Well, and that brings me to my so true. If we could just fucking get into it.
9:36 Speaker 03 Let's do one now. Do it so true.
9:38 Speaker 04 Cause I have two more after this. We can just keep circling back.
9:40 Speaker 03 Brittany Rene Broski, what is so true to you?
9:43 Speaker 04 You know what's so true right now to me in this moment? I came in hot today. Art, specifically live theatrical art, like the opera, ballet, live theater, Broadway, whatever. This is the city to do it.
9:56 Speaker 03 Stand up, stand up, stand up. Say stand up.
9:58 Speaker 04 Stand up. Stand up comedy.
10:00 Speaker 03 Thank you.
10:01 Speaker 04 Guys, go to see stand ups. Specifically at.
10:05 Speaker 03 Please.
10:07 Speaker 04 Union?
10:07 Speaker 03 We'll put it in there.
10:08 Speaker 04 Okay, yeah. Over my mouth?
10:09 Speaker 03 Yeah, wherever I'm performing.
10:11 Speaker 04 Yeah, yes.
10:11 Speaker 03 We'll clip this every time I do a show from now on. Go see stand up specifically at. The Laugh Hub in Seattle. Yeah.
10:19 Speaker 04 Extra night added.
10:20 Speaker 03 Yeah.
10:21 Speaker 04 Sold out.
10:22 Speaker 03 See Caleb Hearon live. It's just you doing this.
10:27 Speaker 03 But yes, art, live art.
10:29 Speaker 04 There should not be a barrier to entry on live art. Okay? There is a class war going on.
10:34 Speaker 03 Yes.
10:34 Speaker 04 You and me are, we're up on the funeral pyre, unfortunately.
10:38 Speaker 03 This keeps coming up.
10:40 Speaker 04 Yeah, specific, get him. Get him specifically.
10:42 Speaker 03 Yeah.
10:43 Speaker 04 I like honestly trying to get these ballet tickets. Like it should not cost an arm and a leg. And it's also a big ass, stupid ass, dumb ass New York red flag. When you go and it's all old people in the audience.
10:53 Speaker 03 Yeah.
10:53 Speaker 04 Cause they are the only people that can afford those tickets.
10:55 Speaker 03 Yeah.
10:56 Speaker 04 It is so upsetting. And I think ballet is such, it's an art form that needs to be preserved.
11:00 Speaker 03 Let's talk about old people.
11:01 Speaker 04 Okay.
11:02 Speaker 03 They bought houses for 17 cents.
11:04 Speaker 04 Yep.
11:05 Speaker 03 And then they hoarded them.
11:07 Speaker 04 Uh huh.
11:07 Speaker 03 And then they became property criminals. Now they rent them out to people for tens of thousands of dollars.
11:14 Speaker 04 Yep.
11:14 Speaker 03 I looked at a house in LA once that was for rent for $11,000 a month.
11:18 Speaker 04 How big?
11:18 Speaker 03 It was like four or five bedrooms with a pool in the backyard and stuff.
11:21 Speaker 04 Oh, okay.
11:22 Speaker 03 But they, the people bought it, two doctors, bought it for like $175,000 in the 90s. And they've long since paid that mortgage off. And now they are just banking $11,000 a month.
11:35 Speaker 04 It's criminal.
11:37 Speaker 03 So go to jail.
11:37 Speaker 04 Go to jail, actually.
11:38 Speaker 03 So go to jail.
11:39 Speaker 04 For free right now.
11:40 Speaker 03 Cause you don't have to charge that much.
11:42 Speaker 04 No jail, no parole. You, there is no livable reality where you should be charging $10,000 a month for rent. For the shithole that is Los Angeles.
11:50 Speaker 03 Get a grip.
11:51 Speaker 04 Get a grip.
11:51 Speaker 03 Get a grip. It is not right what these old people have done. And now they're spending that money to go to the ballet and you're not there and that's not right.
11:56 Speaker 04 And I'm not there.
11:57 Speaker 03 That's not right.
11:58 Speaker 04 No.
11:58 Speaker 03 That's not right at all. You deserve to be there.
12:00 Speaker 04 And some dumb fucking idiot.
12:03 Speaker 03 Yeah.
12:03 Speaker 04 Is sitting in my seat at the ballet.
12:05 Speaker 03 Yeah.
12:05 Speaker 04 And they, they're not looking at the bulge the way that I would be appreciating the bulge.
12:09 Speaker 03 That's almost certainly true.
12:10 Speaker 04 And it's not about the bulge. Caleb, stop making it sexual. It's not about the bulge.
12:14 Speaker 03 Right.
12:14 Speaker 04 It's about the art.
12:16 Speaker 03 Yeah.
12:16 Speaker 04 Did not. See how he gaslights me on camera?
12:18 Speaker 03 Yeah.
12:19 Speaker 04 It's about the art. It's about the synchronicity of the dancers. It's about the live orchestra.
12:24 Speaker 03 I thank God every day that you were brought into my life. I don't know how I got, stop it, stop it.
12:29 Speaker 04 You know, I feel the same. Say it. And can we, we have a lesbian to thank for introducing us, actually.
12:34 Speaker 03 Give me space to talk to you really quick.
12:35 Speaker 04 Go ahead.
12:38 Speaker 03 Every single-
12:38 Speaker 04 Don't care.
12:42 Speaker 03 Brittany, stop. Not everything is silly.
12:46 Speaker 04 You're being bad.
12:47 Speaker 03 Every single day, I can't believe that I got lucky enough to be your friend. And that being said, you have got to stop voting Republican. It's really not funny, because I do that bit on this show sometimes, but seriously, behind closed doors-
13:02 Speaker 04 It's because of my sweater in it.
13:04 Speaker 03 Yes. I said, she's showing up in an American flag sweater, talking about the call centers in another country.
13:08 Speaker 04 Yep.
13:09 Speaker 03 Hold on. Now, tell me about your perfect day.
13:17 Speaker 04 Um, can I tell you about the worst day that I would wish on someone else?
13:21 Speaker 03 Oh, absolutely.
13:22 Speaker 04 I want a day full of little inconveniences.
13:26 Speaker 03 Yes.
13:27 Speaker 04 Everything goes wrong.
13:28 Speaker 03 Yes.
13:28 Speaker 04 Miss your bus, maybe step in shit.
13:31 Speaker 03 Yeah.
13:32 Speaker 04 Maybe you're late, maybe you haven't eaten all day, maybe you have really bad coffee breath, maybe you're self-conscious about it all day. I want little things. Drop your keys, your fucking sweater gets caught on the door, like it rips. The person that you're like really beefing with the worst, it's a psychological game, right? I really want you to suffer, not in a major way, but in like a push them to the brink.
13:53 Speaker 03 Yeah.
13:54 Speaker 04 Right? Thoughts on that?
13:55 Speaker 03 I've wished horrible things on people who cut me off in traffic. I mean, I ju- like, I don't mean it and I don't dwell on it, but for just a second, you- you're gonna tell me right now, someone- someone speeds past you in a reckless way and you don't go like, if they got in a crash, it would be on them.
14:09 Speaker 04 Right.
14:10 Speaker 03 I don't want it.
14:10 Speaker 04 Right.
14:11 Speaker 03 But there's a part of my brain that goes like, that would be the consequences.
14:14 Speaker 04 Where's the Christian part of your brain? Like, what if he's rushing his wife to the hospital?
14:17 Speaker 03 I try to do that. I try to do that. There's a-
14:20 Speaker 04 You have such a dark spirit that it overpowers.
14:23 Speaker 03 There's a name for that, where you assume that everyone has a circumstance. It's like some kind of cognitive something, something.
14:29 Speaker 04 Yeah.
14:29 Speaker 03 But I'm not in therapy like that.
14:31 Speaker 04 Mm-hmm.
14:31 Speaker 03 Um-
14:32 Speaker 04 You don't care about mental health.
14:33 Speaker 03 I- I'm mentally healthy, is the thing.
14:37 Speaker 04 I feel fine.
14:39 Speaker 03 I feel good.
14:39 Speaker 04 So I feel like everyone else, y'all are kinda making it up?
14:43 Speaker 03 Nah, well, no, some people, yeah, I mean-
14:48 Speaker 03 Some people, some people, I feel, they, you know, here's what I'll say.
14:54 Speaker 04 Okay, just say it.
14:54 Speaker 03 There is such a thing as spending too much time thinking about your mental health.
14:59 Speaker 04 Thinking about yourself, girl. Okay, let's, let's talk about this, actually.
15:01 Speaker 03 Get off it. Get over yourself.
15:03 Speaker 04 Here's the thing.
15:04 Speaker 03 Take them off.
15:06 Speaker 04 They're coming off.
15:06 Speaker 03 The flats are off.
15:07 Speaker 04 And I'm gonna reveal my moose knuckle to the camera now.
15:10 Speaker 03 Yeah.
15:10 Speaker 04 I'll hide it until the end.
15:11 Speaker 03 Yeah.
15:11 Speaker 04 Okay, stick to the end, see?
15:13 Speaker 03 Stick around for moose knuckle reveal.
15:14 Speaker 04 Until we get the right balloons and my moose knuckle.
15:16 Speaker 03 Yeah.
15:17 Speaker 04 Here's the thing about doing too much intensive therapy, okay?
15:21 Speaker 03 Yes.
15:21 Speaker 04 You're navel gazing, you're navel gazing, your head's gonna go up your puss eventually. If you're bent down like this, thinking about yourself the whole fucking time, the serious cure, like a, a, a quick cure to, if you're like, I can't stand this anymore, like I'm so deep in my head, think about someone else's problems.
15:39 Speaker 03 Yes.
15:39 Speaker 04 And how you maybe could help them.
15:41 Speaker 03 Yeah.
15:42 Speaker 04 I swear, I just dealt with this with a, a long-term friend of mine. She's really been struggling. We went on a girl's trip and hearing about everyone else's struggles and how deep, and what's that, that phrase? It's called, um, not, not wanderlust, it's the other one, where you realize, oh, everyone is as complex and gray as I am.
16:04 Speaker 03 Oh yeah, that's like one of those things that they have like a Swedish word for.
16:07 Speaker 04 Yes.
16:07 Speaker 03 Yeah, they're like.
16:08 Speaker 04 Made up language, by the way.
16:08 Speaker 03 Der kompetent fluten.
16:09 Speaker 04 Yeah, exactly.
16:10 Speaker 03 The realization that other people exist.
16:11 Speaker 04 Chapin valse den.
16:12 Speaker 03 Yeah, that kinda shit, yeah.
16:13 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very that where, oh yeah, other people feel as deeply as I do.
16:21 Speaker 03 Yeah.
16:22 Speaker 04 And like, it's not always about me all the time. And I think it's so easy, especially as Americans, to have that be your accepted reality. And it's so, and this sounds so like, yeah, fucking duh, to do something kind for someone else. And not only will that make you feel good, but it'll also take you out of your own head. It's the ostrich taking its head out of the sand.
16:42 Speaker 03 Yeah.
16:42 Speaker 04 You know what I mean?
16:43 Speaker 03 Do something for someone else.
16:45 Speaker 04 Exactly.
16:45 Speaker 03 Think about someone else. Get over yourself. You've gotta get over yourself.
16:49 Speaker 04 Get over it.
16:49 Speaker 03 It's not to say don't think about yourself ever. Of course, we all think about ourselves. But like, the, the constant turning over of, am I a good person? Am I doing good? Am I feeling good? Am I a good person? Am I a good person? Stop. Just exist, chill out.
17:03 Speaker 04 Yeah.
17:03 Speaker 03 Because also what it forces you to do when you're constantly doing that is by constantly evaluating yourself, you start to evaluate everyone else. And so then everything you hear all the time, you're looking for like, you shouldn't have said that, you shouldn't have done that, you shouldn't be like that, you should do, it's like, yeah, or you could fucking relax and get over yourself and by virtue of that, get over everything.
17:21 Speaker 04 Yep.
17:22 Speaker 03 And just like more often be in a state of like, yeah.
17:24 Speaker 04 And give people grace.
17:26 Speaker 03 Because you need to give yourself grace.
17:28 Speaker 04 You need to stop yelling at strangers in traffic.
17:30 Speaker 03 Yeah, you're right.
17:32 Speaker 04 Yeah.
17:32 Speaker 03 And in that way, I think I will change. Cause I do have road rage and I'm gonna work on it.
17:37 Speaker 04 Guys, see, healing is possible. Our next guest will come and sit in this chair and give us their so true. Back to you after these ads.
17:45 Speaker 03 Wait.
17:49 Speaker 03 Wait, what hap- what happened? It's your show?
17:52 Speaker 04 You see how I did that? I commanded the scene.
17:54 Speaker 03 Yeah. Okay, let's do a scene.
17:55 Speaker 04 Okay, let's do a scene.
17:56 Speaker 03 Let's do a scene.
17:57 Speaker 04 Caleb just told me I need to get into acting, so let's do it.
17:59 Speaker 03 Yeah, let's do a scene. Okay, um, I think that you would be a good actor.
18:03 Speaker 04 Thank you.
18:03 Speaker 03 I already am.
18:04 Speaker 04 Actor, actress.
18:05 Speaker 03 Actor. I don't do gendered when I do actor, everyone's an actor.
18:09 Speaker 04 Got it.
18:09 Speaker 03 Yep.
18:12 Speaker 03 So the scene, and you know, I'm obviously a decorated performer already.
18:15 Speaker 04 Better than.
18:16 Speaker 03 So, um, this is the scene. I have been away, I am your husband.
18:22 Speaker 04 Okay.
18:23 Speaker 03 I have been away on work for three months.
18:27 Speaker 04 What do you do for work?
18:28 Speaker 03 I am an insurance salesman.
18:30 Speaker 04 Got it.
18:30 Speaker 03 Yes. And I've just come back and you are trying to tell me that you want a divorce.
18:38 Speaker 04 Okay.
18:39 Speaker 03 And, um, you're not even fully sure if you believe that.
18:45 Speaker 04 Oh, like there's still something here?
18:46 Speaker 03 There's doubt, but you think, you think divorce is the thing you have to say. That's something you're wrestling with, that's your conflict.
18:52 Speaker 04 Okay.
18:53 Speaker 03 And for me, I did cheat on you on the work trip.
18:55 Speaker 04 Well, that was gonna be my, okay, start the scene.
18:56 Speaker 03 But you don't know that, by the way.
18:57 Speaker 04 Right, but I have a, I have a female intuition, I have a sense.
19:00 Speaker 03 Women always know, kind of, okay.
19:02 Speaker 04 Okay.
19:05 Speaker 03 Ah, it's good to be back from my work trip where nothing happened.
19:09 Speaker 04 Mm-hmm. Nice to see you. You have a glow about you.
19:14 Speaker 03 I just love work.
19:15 Speaker 04 Yeah, did you have a good work trip?
19:16 Speaker 03 Yeah, Fouquet's beautiful this time of year.
19:19 Speaker 04 Bangkok. Okay, I have a question.
19:22 Speaker 03 Let's cut really quick.
19:23 Speaker 04 Sorry, okay.
19:24 Speaker 03 So, you obviously there for a moment, kind of started to laugh at what I was saying.
19:30 Speaker 04 Yeah, sorry, I remembered I was with my friend Caleb and I wanted to make a penis joke.
19:34 Speaker 03 Yeah, do you want to do it now while we're out of the scene?
19:36 Speaker 04 Yeah.
19:36 Speaker 03 Just because I want to take the scene.
19:36 Speaker 04 Bangkok, fuck it, Bangkok.
19:40 Speaker 03 Okay.
19:40 Speaker 04 Okay, okay, back, don't laugh, back to the scene.
19:44 Speaker 03 Okay, we're gonna go back in?
19:45 Speaker 04 Yeah.
19:45 Speaker 03 Okay, we'll just take it from the top.
19:47 Speaker 04 Okay. Do the little walk again?
19:53 Speaker 03 Oh, God, sorry, babe, I'm exhausted from my work trip.
19:56 Speaker 04 Hey, how was the travel in?
19:59 Speaker 03 It was good, you know, the flight was a little bumpy, but nothing crazy. Guy next to me was listening to something out loud with no headphones. Fucking jackass.
20:06 Speaker 04 Yeah, hate when that happens.
20:07 Speaker 03 Put on some goddamn headphones.
20:08 Speaker 04 Yeah, it's rude.
20:10 Speaker 03 It's rude as hell.
20:11 Speaker 04 Yeah.
20:11 Speaker 03 And you don't expect this kind of stuff on Aer Lingus.
20:16 Speaker 04 I found your Grindr account. Sit down, let's talk.
20:24 Speaker 03 Okay.
20:28 Speaker 03 Okay, sorry, let's step out of the scene really quick.
20:32 Speaker 04 The physical here is really great.
20:34 Speaker 03 I'm very embodied. I'm very in my body in the scene. Okay, let's pick it up, we've just sat down, you found my Grindr account? Okay, and, action!
20:44 Speaker 04 I found your Grindr account. And, let me just stop you, right?
20:48 Speaker 03 Let me stop you. You sneaky, conniving bitch.
20:52 Speaker 04 Oh, me?
20:53 Speaker 03 You.
20:54 Speaker 04 Sure.
20:54 Speaker 03 What were you doing going through my iPad?
20:56 Speaker 04 Well...
21:03 Speaker 04 What were you doing going through my Galaxy tablet?
21:10 Speaker 04 You were going through my Note 7?
21:16 Speaker 03 What were you doing going through my PSP?
21:20 Speaker 03 Grinder on my PSP. Okay, hold on.
21:21 Speaker 04 Grinder on my PSP.
21:23 Speaker 03 Okay.
21:25 Speaker 04 You keep the notifications on. So not only that, but you also leave the sound on. You were gone for two months, Caleb. Do you realize that? Two months?
21:32 Speaker 03 Go ahead.
21:33 Speaker 04 On, on, on. You left it on the charger. It's ping, ping, ping, ping. I get so sick of it. Two weeks in, I go and check. What is it? Mask for mask? No fats?
21:46 Speaker 04 No fems?
21:47 Speaker 03 Yep. Go ahead. Are you done?
21:51 Speaker 04 I just think that...
21:52 Speaker 03 No, because you've got it all figured out.
21:54 Speaker 04 Yeah.
21:54 Speaker 03 No, because you've got it all figured out, right?
21:55 Speaker 04 No, you tell me, because I don't know if I'm understanding.
21:57 Speaker 03 No, no, no, no, Antoinette, because you've got it all figured out.
22:01 Speaker 04 Renee.
22:02 Speaker 03 Antoinette, you've got it all figured out, right?
22:05 Speaker 04 Sure. I feel like I have the picture painted for me very clearly.
22:09 Speaker 03 Yeah. So, so, okay. Four months ago, when we were at dinner at Red Lobster, and you had the endless shrimp, and they asked you if you would please be done soon. Do you remember that? You said, "Let me get another plate of the shrimp," and the server said, "Ma'am, can you please be done soon? We're not doing great."
22:26 Speaker 04 So you're bringing up my eating disorder in front of the fucking camera?
22:28 Speaker 03 No, no. Let me ask you. Do you remember that night?
22:30 Speaker 04 I remember that night.
22:31 Speaker 03 And do you remember what you said to me at that dinner? I bet you don't. I bet you don't. It's actually funny. I bet you don't because of the way that you're trying to corner me right now. Antoinette, you said to me, "God..."
22:42 Speaker 04 Just say it. Just say it.
22:43 Speaker 03 I will. You said to me, "God, Caleb, I wish more than anything in this world that I had a gay best friend who's masked and thin." Did you not say that to me? Did you not say that to me?
22:55 Speaker 04 Context is important, but yes, I did say that at the Red Lobster.
22:58 Speaker 03 You said that to me. And so, even though I find gay people fucking disgusting, and I think they're all gonna burn in hell.
23:04 Speaker 04 Yeah.
23:05 Speaker 03 Because of my upbringing.
23:06 Speaker 04 Uh huh.
23:08 Speaker 03 I went on grinder.com on my iPad.
23:10 Speaker 04 Oh, you did that for me?
23:11 Speaker 03 Yes.
23:12 Speaker 04 You did that for me?
23:13 Speaker 03 Messaging these fucking freaks.
23:15 Speaker 04 Yeah.
23:15 Speaker 03 Asking them, are you masked? Are you thin? She doesn't want to fem fat one. I've been saying, my wife needs a gay best friend on there.
23:22 Speaker 04 And stutter again?
23:23 Speaker 03 And then I go to, and then I go to Phuket for a work trip to pay for your fucking nails.
23:30 Speaker 04 Funny, you told me it was Bangkok.
23:33 Speaker 03 You said Bangkok.
23:34 Speaker 04 Sure, sure. You know what I find funny?
23:37 Speaker 03 So what do you have to say to that? Tell me. I can't wait to see what you find funny.
23:44 Speaker 04 You know what I find funny is on this app, Grindr, your profile uses my photos.
23:53 Speaker 04 You meeting up with these gentlemen?
23:54 Speaker 03 That 100% tracks with my version of the story. I'm trying to find you a gay best friend.
23:59 Speaker 04 Right, sure. Can I ask you a question?
24:02 Speaker 03 Ask me.
24:03 Speaker 04 Just because we're into it. Were you physical?
24:08 Speaker 03 Did I sleep with some of the guys? Of course I did. Are you fucking insane?
24:14 Speaker 04 What, you think I'm a fucking idiot?
24:15 Speaker 03 These tight young men come to me trying to be friends with my wife?
24:18 Speaker 04 Right.
24:18 Speaker 03 I'm gonna fuck them and make sure that they're actually gay.
24:20 Speaker 04 Market research.
24:21 Speaker 03 So they don't steal my wife.
24:25 Speaker 03 I swear sometimes you're so fucking dense. Yes, I fucked these guys to make sure they were gay. So they don't steal my wife. Dumbass?
24:38 Speaker 03 Okay, cut, obviously.
24:40 Speaker 04 You wanted to, okay.
24:41 Speaker 03 Sorry, cut. I just feel like, did I take it too far when I?
24:44 Speaker 04 I just feel like you leaned into the verbal a bit. Like, it felt very real. It felt, it felt very marriage story for a second.
24:50 Speaker 03 Yeah.
24:51 Speaker 04 But then we really brought it back. And I think, I have a resolution to this.
24:54 Speaker 03 Okay.
24:54 Speaker 04 Okay, ready?
24:55 Speaker 03 Let's go back into the scene. Of course I fucked these guys. So I know that they're gay. So they don't fuck my wife.
25:02 Speaker 04 I have something to tell you. Cause I feel honestly like hearing you say that. It's making sense like, and I honestly feel like really bad. And I just feel like I have something to tell you.
25:14 Speaker 03 Pull it together.
25:15 Speaker 04 I made.
25:16 Speaker 03 Pull it together.
25:18 Speaker 04 I also made a Grindr account. Okay. And I went to log in on my iPad, on my Galaxy Note 7. And we used the same fucking email. And I just knew in that moment, like, I've been thinking about a divorce. I've been thinking about this guy's fucking gay. And like, I don't really, you know, I'm not like physically attracted to him. And like, I don't know if we were ever in love. But when I saw you use the same fucking login.
25:40 Speaker 03 I'm not gay. I'm not gay.
25:41 Speaker 04 I literally knew.
25:43 Speaker 03 I'm not gay.
25:44 Speaker 04 That like, that's my man. Because if you made the Grindr account with the same email.
25:50 Speaker 03 Caught in the rain. If you're not into yoga. If you have half a brain. If you love a yellow midnight. Scene. Okay. Was that electric for you?
26:06 Speaker 04 There's something here.
26:08 Speaker 03 Yes. I felt, and I'm not kidding, cause I know it feels like it was silly, but like.
26:13 Speaker 04 That wasn't silly to me.
26:14 Speaker 03 I actually felt very connected and dropped into the scene. And I loved being in that with you.
26:20 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:21 Speaker 03 We should write something.
26:22 Speaker 04 We should, we should make a movie.
26:24 Speaker 03 We should write a stage show.
26:26 Speaker 04 Caleb, should make a baby.
26:28 Speaker 03 I mean, that would legitimately be magic.
26:32 Speaker 04 Very attractive child.
26:33 Speaker 03 I would, yeah, I mean, that's a gorgeous little kid. And that's a brilliant little kid. I'm hoping that if we were to have a baby together. I hope that it might exhibit some of these qualities.
26:43 Speaker 04 All right. So what is this clipboard? I am wondering.
26:46 Speaker 03 So we found your LinkedIn account.
26:50 Speaker 04 Um, so.
26:52 Speaker 03 And.
26:53 Speaker 04 What the fuck is going on?
26:55 Speaker 03 The bio, I just hope that if we were to have a kid, that maybe the kid would have some of these qualities.
27:02 Speaker 03 Brittany Gigum. Intelligent, creative, ambitious, and exceptional leader.
27:07 Speaker 04 Are any of those things false?
27:08 Speaker 03 An optimistic team member who earns trust easily.
27:15 Speaker 04 This was also before ChatGPT came up with that all on my lonesome.
27:18 Speaker 03 Builds positive relationships and is able to work well in a group setting. What I like about that is it doesn't say she will.
27:23 Speaker 04 Yeah.
27:24 Speaker 03 She's able.
27:24 Speaker 04 If necessary.
27:25 Speaker 03 If necessary, can can in an emergency.
27:28 Speaker 04 Sure.
27:28 Speaker 03 A skilled communicator who delivers messages and ideas effectively as well as an expert listener has not been my experience.
27:37 Speaker 04 The first falsity.
27:38 Speaker 03 And problem solver. What? Tell me a little bit about this.
27:42 Speaker 04 You know, my passion for people started very young.
27:44 Speaker 03 Yeah.
27:45 Speaker 04 Yeah, ever since I was just a little tyke.
27:47 Speaker 03 Yeah.
27:47 Speaker 04 And is tyke a slur for a child?
27:49 Speaker 03 No.
27:51 Speaker 04 Should be.
27:51 Speaker 03 It's close to a slur for a different group of people, but it's a letter off.
27:54 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
27:54 Speaker 03 Yeah.
27:55 Speaker 04 I think we should bring back tykes for.
27:57 Speaker 03 Tykes for kids?
27:57 Speaker 04 For kids.
27:58 Speaker 03 Okay.
27:59 Speaker 04 Anyway.
28:00 Speaker 03 Um, yeah, I'm in. You got me. I'm in.
28:02 Speaker 04 I appreciate your support.
28:03 Speaker 03 Let's do it.
28:03 Speaker 04 Um, yeah, I kind of came up with that all on all on me lonesome.
28:07 Speaker 03 Yeah.
28:08 Speaker 04 Cause I needed to communicate. I'm the personality hire, right? Nothing about that says actually I'm ready to work and I'm excited to work and I want to be here.
28:16 Speaker 03 No.
28:17 Speaker 04 In fact, I don't like the opposite is true. Fuck all of you guys and fuck any job that would require me to work in a team setting.
28:26 Speaker 03 Yeah.
28:26 Speaker 04 I'm not doing that.
28:27 Speaker 03 Fuck a job.
28:28 Speaker 04 Fuck a job.
28:29 Speaker 03 If you're listening to this right now and you have a job, quit.
28:32 Speaker 04 Quit.
28:32 Speaker 03 Unless you work for me, quit your job.
28:35 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
28:35 Speaker 03 Quit your job.
28:36 Speaker 04 Or if you work for anything that I enjoy or like, you know, any movies or TV shows that I enjoy, don't quit, like keep your job.
28:42 Speaker 03 Most of my listeners, quit your job. Adele, let's restart your job.
28:46 Speaker 04 Adele.
28:46 Speaker 03 Rihanna, get back to the original job.
28:48 Speaker 04 Yes. Listen to me very closely, Rihanna.
28:49 Speaker 03 Rihanna.
28:50 Speaker 04 Studio now.
28:51 Speaker 03 Frank Ocean, join her.
28:53 Speaker 04 Join Frank Ocean. Can I talk to you guys outside?
28:55 Speaker 03 Adele, quickly behind them. Adele, get back to that studio, girl.
28:59 Speaker 04 Adele's being a mom.
29:01 Speaker 03 Yeah, she needs to mother the microphone in the studio. Let's raise the volume in the headphones so she can lay down that track. I've had it. Adele, get to the studio, bitch. What is it? 34? Where are we at?
29:12 Speaker 04 Where are we? Where are we?
29:13 Speaker 03 37, 36. I don't know where you're at, girl.
29:15 Speaker 04 Doesn't matter, girl.
29:16 Speaker 03 Lock in.
29:18 Speaker 04 I feel like-
29:19 Speaker 03 And can I say another thing before we go?
29:21 Speaker 04 Yup, yup, yup.
29:21 Speaker 03 Sam Smith?
29:22 Speaker 04 Sam Smith.
29:24 Speaker 03 Get back to the basics.
29:25 Speaker 04 We need the James Bond 8 soundtrack yesterday.
29:28 Speaker 03 I don't care what's happening in the body shop. Get on that piano and talk to me about unrequited love.
29:34 Speaker 04 Yeah, mommy don't know.
29:36 Speaker 03 Mommy don't know, and mommy don't wanna know.
29:38 Speaker 04 Yeah.
29:39 Speaker 03 Sam, get in the studio and make some sad piano songs about being unlovable now.
29:43 Speaker 04 Now.
29:44 Speaker 03 Now.
29:45 Speaker 04 I, I yearn for the era where there were a lot of big fat singers.
29:51 Speaker 03 Yes.
29:51 Speaker 04 Singing about, "Ain't nobody want me."
29:53 Speaker 03 Big bodied.
29:54 Speaker 04 Big bodied and able-bodied singers.
29:56 Speaker 03 Big and able singers, singing about- Can I live? Yes, you can.
30:03 Speaker 04 Keep it going.
30:04 Speaker 03 Your side. What?
30:07 Speaker 04 Next to you. We could do a live show.
30:11 Speaker 03 And we will. And Sam Smith, I wanna say to you-
30:14 Speaker 04 Furthermore.
30:15 Speaker 03 Sam, get in the studio and make me some sad songs on the piano, and it's January when this episode comes out. I wanna see them in my inbox by February.
30:24 Speaker 04 Okay.
30:24 Speaker 03 That's enough time.
30:25 Speaker 04 Sam Smith, I have a different request.
30:29 Speaker 03 What are you doing?
30:29 Speaker 04 I want you to be happy. I want you to live in your truth.
30:34 Speaker 03 My fucking god.
30:35 Speaker 04 I want you to, don't listen to the opinions of gay comedians. They are not on your side. I'm on your side, okay? Sam Smith, we've been told, uh, I don't know if you get this as well, we look alike.
30:47 Speaker 03 What are you doing?
30:47 Speaker 04 I feel, just give me a second. I feel fiercely defensive of you because you see how he talks about you? Imagine how he talks about me behind closed doors, okay? I feel like if you were to put up a side-by-side of me and Sam Smith, twins.
31:03 Speaker 01 At Peloton, sometimes thinking big means thinking small. Introducing the new Peloton Tread Flex, our first foldable and movable tread that's just about three feet stowed so you can roll it away, with an ultra-quiet and comfortable belt that whispers while you run, made to fit however you move and fit to move wherever you like. Let yourself run. Peloton. Explore Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com.
31:32 Speaker 00 Let's be honest, you don't go to the family holiday gift exchange just to participate. You go to win. This year, get a gift that'll cause a stir. A KitchenAid Stand Mixer. It's not just an appliance, it's a present to help them with the making. Year after year, recipe after recipe, you're enabling the family to whip up new traditions. 'Tis your season to mix it up. Gift a KitchenAid Stand Mixer this year and make more than meals.
32:01 Speaker 02 Born from the intensity of a night in the Eternal City. Introducing Born in Roma Fragrances by Valentino.
32:10 Speaker 02 Feminine perfume Donna Born in Roma features juicy black currant, central jasmine, soft cashmerin, and warm vanilla. Masculine leaning but unisex Womo has notes of fresh violet leaf, aromatic sage, green vetiver, and mineral salt. Shop holiday gifts at macys.com.
32:30 Speaker 03 Are you craving anything right now?
32:31 Speaker 04 Right now?
32:32 Speaker 03 In life, are you craving, are you hungry for anything?
32:35 Speaker 04 You know, can I, I, if I can just be honest?
32:39 Speaker 03 You can, really.
32:40 Speaker 04 I think Popeyes is back in a big way. And I know you weren't talking about food. You weren't talking about food.
32:44 Speaker 03 I was or I wasn't, but you're right, and I know that it's back.
32:47 Speaker 04 Popeyes had a second where they fell off for a minute. Popeyes is back. The spicy chicken sandwich is so delicious, and I was gonna beg you to take me there later. That's separate from, what am I craving in life?
32:57 Speaker 03 I'm not taking you to Popeyes in New York City, by the way.
32:59 Speaker 04 So why not?
33:00 Speaker 03 I'm not doing that. This reminds me of when you stayed at my house last and you ordered Cinnabon to the house. That really upset me, Brittany.
33:06 Speaker 04 Caleb, are you serious right now?
33:08 Speaker 03 I'm not taking you to Popeyes.
33:10 Speaker 04 Are you like actually fucking for real?
33:11 Speaker 03 I'm not doing it. If you lived here, it'd be one thing, but like you're visiting, I'm not taking you to Popeyes.
33:15 Speaker 04 You should understand more than most the appeal and charm of a chain restaurant.
33:19 Speaker 03 I do.
33:20 Speaker 04 And did I order that Cinnabon to his house? And was it cold and dry and bad? And was it $35? Yes, it was.
33:28 Speaker 03 Yes, it was.
33:28 Speaker 04 And you will not let me forget it. And will I do it again? Yeah.
33:30 Speaker 03 Yes.
33:31 Speaker 04 Cinnabon's really fucking good.
33:32 Speaker 03 I've ordered a triple dipper to my house before.
33:34 Speaker 04 See, you're getting it. I feel like... A chain restaurant.
33:38 Speaker 03 Say it.
33:40 Speaker 04 You know what to expect every time you go in there. There's a comfort. It's like a warm hug from a friend you haven't seen in a long time.
33:45 Speaker 03 Yes.
33:46 Speaker 04 Shared with company that gets it.
33:48 Speaker 03 Yes.
33:48 Speaker 04 I know you get a chain restaurant. You're from the Midwest, right?
33:50 Speaker 03 Yes.
33:51 Speaker 04 I'm from suburban South.
33:52 Speaker 03 Yes.
33:54 Speaker 04 I love it and I will go to it every single time. I'm a bit iffy. I'm a bit iffy on these New York, LA places. What the fuck is that?
34:00 Speaker 03 Yeah.
34:01 Speaker 04 Okay? And if you have less than a 4.5 on DoorDash, I'm not ordering.
34:05 Speaker 03 Thank you for saying that. I will tell you, there was one of the roughest periods of my life was a couple of years ago when I started getting invited to like nice restaurants. And I had to, in front of people I respect. Yes.
34:16 Speaker 04 Yeah.
34:17 Speaker 03 I had to, in front of people I respect, learn about different types of food. Like, I remember, I very vividly remember sitting in a restaurant in LA with producers that I was trying to make something with. And they're like, "Do you want the crudo?" And I was like, "What's up?"
34:29 Speaker 03 The, um...
34:30 Speaker 04 The, um...
34:30 Speaker 03 The, you said crudo?
34:32 Speaker 04 Yeah, which is raw fish.
34:34 Speaker 03 Which is raw fish.
34:34 Speaker 04 Yeah.
34:35 Speaker 03 And I said, "Oh, um, I'm not, I'm not eating crudo right now." And, and, and I'm not kidding you, they went, "What?"
34:43 Speaker 03 And I went, "Oh, I'm just not having crudo right now. I'm kind of off it."
34:45 Speaker 04 I'm off that stuff, man.
34:45 Speaker 03 I'm off crudo, yeah. Not knowing what it was at all.
34:48 Speaker 04 No, I don't, I don't mess around with that shit.
34:50 Speaker 03 No, and I love crudo, by the way.
34:51 Speaker 04 No, totally.
34:51 Speaker 03 And I just didn't know.
34:52 Speaker 04 Yeah.
34:53 Speaker 03 Cause I was a fool.
34:54 Speaker 04 I have a harrowing memory from when I was a child.
34:58 Speaker 03 Tell me now.
34:59 Speaker 04 I went to a restaurant with my whole family. It was like a nice restaurant and...
35:02 Speaker 03 Papado's?
35:04 Speaker 04 Chili's.
35:04 Speaker 03 Yeah.
35:05 Speaker 04 And we're sitting there and everyone's around, it's like sirloins and all this, which I don't know, jack shit. I'm 11, right? I don't know what a tender cut of meat is compared to like a filet mignon, T-bone. I don't fucking know. So I go, "I'm gonna order off this menu." I go, "I'll have the a la carte."
35:21 Speaker 03 Please.
35:22 Speaker 04 By the way, the a la carte menu, a list of, which I came to find out in my adulthood, individual items you can order. I said, "I'll have all of it." Yeah, just the a la carte. Thank you.
35:32 Speaker 03 Yeah.
35:33 Speaker 04 My dad laughed so hard, I think he peed on himself. And I was like, that's, obviously, I'm never forgetting this.
35:37 Speaker 03 Yeah.
35:38 Speaker 04 Right? Obviously, that's impacted me in a huge way.
35:40 Speaker 03 Clearly, this is foundational.
35:41 Speaker 04 It's, it's very transformative for me.
35:43 Speaker 03 Do you know, I had a similar thing once where I, all of my, um, like, my aunt and my uncle were in college at the time, and my dad worked at a college, and so they were all at Thanksgiving, talking about fonts.
35:53 Speaker 04 Okay.
35:54 Speaker 03 They were like, like fonts for pa- like, writing papers and stuff.
35:56 Speaker 04 Really intriguing conversation.
35:57 Speaker 03 They're like, I write mine in, uh, Calibri because it, it makes the pages go quicker. And someone's like, oh, I do Times New Roman because it's like more accepted in like this field of work or whatever. They were talking about fonts, and the only font I knew from computer class that I remembered was Comic Sans. And so I was kind of listening, I was waiting for my moment, and then a moment of silence came up, and I went, I like Comic Sans.
36:17 Speaker 04 I'm sure you do.
36:17 Speaker 03 Like, I was like, I like Comic Sans, like, serious. Like, I was like, that's my font of choice, you know? And they all laughed so hard, and I'm, I'm dead, I went, what's, why, why are you laughing?
36:27 Speaker 04 Well, these like, I'm imagining them as these like stuffy British professor aunts and uncles, like, he likes Comic Sans.
36:35 Speaker 03 No, they were just like, that's the only font you know. And I was like, I was like, why are you laughing? And they're like, they're like, they felt bad immediately.
36:41 Speaker 04 Yeah.
36:42 Speaker 03 They're like, no, that's a really good choice, we just haven't used it in a while.
36:44 Speaker 04 Yeah.
36:45 Speaker 03 And I was like, okay.
36:47 Speaker 04 Comic Sans was like papyrus, like.
36:50 Speaker 03 They laugh like that.
36:52 Speaker 03 God, I wish I had a laugh like that.
36:54 Speaker 04 I think.
36:55 Speaker 03 Like, one that's like, kind of buried.
36:56 Speaker 04 Ooh, yeah, get older and richer, and you might develop an obnoxious laugh.
37:00 Speaker 03 I hope to do both.
37:01 Speaker 04 Yeah, and trust me, you do have an obnoxious laugh now. I'm just saying it could get worse.
37:05 Speaker 03 No, I know, people hate my laugh.
37:07 Speaker 04 I don't hate your laugh.
37:08 Speaker 03 No, people hate my laugh, I'm fucking useless.
37:09 Speaker 04 No.
37:11 Speaker 03 No, I hope you feel good that you got that joke off.
37:13 Speaker 04 I guess I'm stupid and fat and worthless, so.
37:14 Speaker 03 Yeah, I guess I'm fat and fucking ugly and stupid and gay.
37:16 Speaker 04 Yeah, and bald.
37:17 Speaker 03 So, oh, that's awesome, I was hanging out with my friend and I learned, I'm stupid, fat, ugly, gay, worthless, broke.
37:23 Speaker 04 Not funny.
37:23 Speaker 03 Oh, and nobody will ever love me. Oh, okay.
37:27 Speaker 04 Siri, play Sam Smith.
37:28 Speaker 03 That's awesome sauce.
37:29 Speaker 04 Yeah.
37:30 Speaker 03 Can I? Say it.
37:33 Speaker 04 By your side.
37:36 Speaker 03 Should, oh.
37:37 Speaker 04 Siri's doing it.
37:38 Speaker 03 Should we do a song?
37:40 Speaker 04 Yes.
37:41 Speaker 03 Show?
37:41 Speaker 04 Yes.
37:42 Speaker 03 Where we only cover old Sam Smith?
37:44 Speaker 04 Yeah, probably. Oh, she's actually playing Sam Smith. I'm not the only one.
37:49 Speaker 03 Baby, don't play Sam Smith, and I'm not the only one.
37:51 Speaker 04 Yeah, you say I've created... I would like to do a cover show with you, just in general.
37:58 Speaker 03 I think we should. What's going on with music? Where are you at with music?
38:01 Speaker 04 Um, writing the album.
38:02 Speaker 03 Yeah.
38:03 Speaker 04 Um, some, some red tape is happening behind the scenes.
38:07 Speaker 03 Yeah.
38:07 Speaker 04 Uh, that is preventing me from doing my damn thing.
38:11 Speaker 03 Yeah.
38:11 Speaker 04 And it's also this weird transition of going from this traditional, like, how I was instructed music, how I was told music is made versus how I actually want to make it. You know, like, being in a room with five different writers and two producers, and it's mastered by someone else who's never heard the song before and all. It's just like, whoa. We're taking a completely different approach now, where I wrote it all. I wrote every single lyric that's on the album. I have one or two other writers on the song with me who only helps with the melody, and then one producer for the whole thing. And it is so much better, and it's epic, and it's dramatic, and it's cinematic, and it's whimsical, and it's all of the things that I wish the first couple releases were.
38:55 Speaker 04 But you have to start somewhere with a creative endeavor, you know, so that you can continue to improve and build on it. I think it's raw narcissistic confidence. If a creative release is something and they say, "That's my best work ever." And then you never try to improve upon it. So that's, that's where the music is at.
39:12 Speaker 03 I love that. For your next album, I'd like to get me, you.
39:16 Speaker 04 Sam Smith.
39:17 Speaker 03 A couple of, yes, Sam Smith, and then a couple of indie rockers in a studio in North Carolina.
39:22 Speaker 04 Sure.
39:23 Speaker 03 And I'd like us to fuck around. I mean, Adele, it's a thing where it's like every two years, we need... And of course, you know, you do things where you go, "I want artists to be happy. I want them to live their lives," to an extent.
39:32 Speaker 04 Sure.
39:33 Speaker 03 To an extent. Put out the work.
39:34 Speaker 04 As long as you're living in the studio.
39:36 Speaker 03 Yeah, live in the studio one month every two years.
39:38 Speaker 04 Yeah.
39:39 Speaker 03 Just put that record out.
39:40 Speaker 04 Top divas for you. Would you say Adele is one of the top divas for you?
39:45 Speaker 03 Adele is one of my top divas. Lauren Hill is one of my top divas.
39:49 Speaker 04 Naturally, yeah.
39:50 Speaker 03 Lauren Hill's an all time diva.
39:51 Speaker 04 Yes.
39:52 Speaker 03 For me, because she put out one absolutely unimpeachable, impeccable piece of work and then said, "I'm kind of chill on all this."
40:00 Speaker 04 Yeah, that's, she actually is the one exception.
40:02 Speaker 03 Yeah.
40:03 Speaker 04 Yeah.
40:03 Speaker 03 She's the one. I don't, I would never ask her to get back in the studio.
40:06 Speaker 04 She did, she did what she needed to do.
40:07 Speaker 03 She did what she needed to do, and then she gave us the MTV Unplugged recording, and I'm, of course, quite grateful for that. And Lauren Hill is just in a rarefied air where I say, "If you give us miseducation and then you decide you're done, I hear you."
40:19 Speaker 04 I'll accept that.
40:21 Speaker 03 Other artists, pretty much every other artist, I'm gonna be asking for more.
40:26 Speaker 03 Yeah, I'm hungry.
40:27 Speaker 04 I feel a similar way about Beyonce. She has given us a lifetime, multiple lifetimes worth of life-changing art.
40:39 Speaker 03 I have not heard her stuff.
40:40 Speaker 04 She can say, "I'll put you onto her."
40:42 Speaker 03 Could you imagine if I've never heard a Beyonce song?
40:44 Speaker 04 Who is that?
40:45 Speaker 03 I go, "You said Beyonce?"
40:46 Speaker 04 Who is that?
40:47 Speaker 03 Hmm, I'll look into it. Beyonce, Beyonce, Beyonce, I am so sorry that an ugly ass bitch would even say some shit like that.
40:53 Speaker 04 I know.
40:53 Speaker 03 Beyonce, you look like Luther Vandross.
40:56 Speaker 04 Beyonce!
40:57 Speaker 03 Beyonce, bitch, you look like Luther Vandross. One of the all-time reads of my lifetime. "New York, you will always be famous." "New York, you will always be famous."
41:08 Speaker 04 The video of her smoking the cigarette in bed.
41:11 Speaker 03 Just laughing and smiling.
41:12 Speaker 04 Yes.
41:13 Speaker 03 "New York, you will always be famous." She invented, and it is funny, like, we're in a moment in culture now where people are fans of reality TV stars, which I find quite funny, because ultimately, the impetus of that every time is like, "I love how you were such a bitch at dinner." It's like, okay.
41:26 Speaker 04 Hundred percent.
41:27 Speaker 03 That's crazy to be a fan of.
41:28 Speaker 04 You're a cunt.
41:29 Speaker 03 Yeah, and New York originated it.
41:31 Speaker 04 A hundred percent.
41:32 Speaker 03 She's so fucking funny.
41:33 Speaker 04 I was doing an interview the other day, and they were like, "What's one of your favorite pop culture, the whatever of all time? Only thing in my head is, well, she passed away."
41:44 Speaker 04 Wendy Williams is another one.
41:46 Speaker 03 Wendy, I'm gonna cry.
41:47 Speaker 04 She has given us, girl.
41:49 Speaker 03 I'm gonna cry.
41:50 Speaker 04 Right?
41:50 Speaker 03 Hold my hand. Wendy Williams, let's say a prayer. Wendy Williams, we love you. We are so grateful for you. We wish you well.
42:02 Speaker 03 And.
42:04 Speaker 04 I call the bell sweets.
42:07 Speaker 03 Amen. Amen. Wendy Williams has done it, girl.
42:11 Speaker 04 Wendy Williams has delivered so many pop culture moments. I also think of when she sneezed and farted and burped at the same time.
42:17 Speaker 03 Of course.
42:18 Speaker 04 I think of when she goes, what was that? James? James? And it comes back and it's an audience member in like a zombie mask.
42:25 Speaker 03 Yeah.
42:25 Speaker 04 I'm laughing.
42:26 Speaker 03 Yeah.
42:27 Speaker 04 You know who's jealous of Adele? Beyonce.
42:29 Speaker 03 Beyonce.
42:31 Speaker 04 She's, she's one of my like, wow, that was allowed on TV.
42:34 Speaker 03 Well, Wendy Williams is what we're, we're missing a little bit in the culture right now. The same thing that Joan Rivers had.
42:39 Speaker 04 I was just about to say, we need a bitchy commentator.
42:42 Speaker 03 Somebody who just fucking tries it.
42:44 Speaker 04 Yeah.
42:44 Speaker 03 Who just says like, we'll see. I'm gonna say this and we'll see.
42:47 Speaker 04 Yeah.
42:47 Speaker 03 I like that.
42:48 Speaker 04 I think the internet is too deeply misogynistic to ever let that happen again.
42:52 Speaker 03 I think the internet is just misogynistic enough for it to happen again.
42:57 Speaker 04 Who's gonna carry the torch?
42:58 Speaker 03 Who's to say?
43:00 Speaker 04 I like what you had to say about airport lounges.
43:02 Speaker 03 Say it.
43:03 Speaker 04 You said, we need to like, we need to make the criteria for letting people into the airport lounges a bit higher.
43:10 Speaker 03 Lock 'em up.
43:11 Speaker 04 Yeah. The line outside of the Delta Sky Club.
43:14 Speaker 03 Line. Let's start there.
43:16 Speaker 04 Line.
43:16 Speaker 03 Line.
43:17 Speaker 04 Line because they're at full capacity.
43:19 Speaker 03 Let's start there. There's a line.
43:20 Speaker 04 There's a line outside to get into the club.
43:22 Speaker 03 So I am paying for, through literal money and also my loyalty and points.
43:27 Speaker 04 Yeah.
43:27 Speaker 03 I am paying for access to a space and there's a line. Does that sound like a nice experience to you? Hey.
43:36 Speaker 04 Hi, Delta. It's me.
43:39 Speaker 03 Hi bitch.
43:42 Speaker 03 I'm gonna try on a new personality. Hi bitch. There's a line. Huh? That's my new guy.
43:49 Speaker 04 Yeah, you like that.
43:50 Speaker 03 Hi bitch. Huh?
43:53 Speaker 04 Oh.
43:54 Speaker 03 I think my show would grow tenfold if I started acting like that.
43:57 Speaker 04 I think if you wanted to do a root girl.
43:59 Speaker 03 The chicken salad. Hi bitch.
44:02 Speaker 04 Throw it out.
44:03 Speaker 03 Huh?
44:04 Speaker 04 Do you ever dream about having a desk job?
44:09 Speaker 03 I had one.
44:11 Speaker 04 Again?
44:11 Speaker 03 For a long time. No, fuck no.
44:13 Speaker 04 Yeah, sure.
44:14 Speaker 03 I'll tell you what I do miss, and this is gonna come off unlikable and tone deaf.
44:18 Speaker 04 Thank you for clarifying.
44:20 Speaker 03 This is going to make me seem unlikable and tone deaf. I miss waiting tables. Now, do I miss it enough to go and do it?
44:27 Speaker 04 Right.
44:27 Speaker 03 No, but I miss it. I miss when my body was, I felt, I liked when my body was tired at the end of a day of work. I miss meeting new people. I miss knowing that if I fucking nailed it with every table, I would get more money at the end of the day. I miss leaving my job with that money.
44:43 Speaker 04 Yeah.
44:43 Speaker 03 And I miss the camaraderie of like every, I, I, I probably misguidedly still feel this. Every time I walk into a place, I feel connected to service workers because I did it. And that is not likeable. I do feel that and it's stupid of me because I'm so not anymore. But I miss when I did work in a restaurant, it was true.
45:00 Speaker 04 I totally get that though.
45:01 Speaker 03 Do you know?
45:02 Speaker 04 You have the person, you know what? I said this on the podcast the other day. I am sexually attracted to whoever the fuck plays The Grinch at Universal Studios.
45:10 Speaker 03 Okay.
45:11 Speaker 04 You know, the like probably early forties witty guy, probably bald. Who sits in the makeup chair, gets dressed as The Grinch.
45:20 Speaker 03 Yeah.
45:21 Speaker 04 And just is mean to people.
45:22 Speaker 03 Yeah.
45:23 Speaker 04 There's a, a video that I love and we can get back to whatever the fuck you're saying. There's a video that I love of, there's a line of people in line to meet The Grinch at Universal Studios.
45:32 Speaker 03 A line.
45:32 Speaker 04 And a line. And he goes, "Grinch over here." And he just goes, coughs on him.
45:38 Speaker 03 Well.
45:39 Speaker 04 That's funny to me.
45:40 Speaker 03 That is funny.
45:40 Speaker 04 He is so mean to these fucking people. I see shit like that and I'm like, in another life, that was me. Another life, that's the job I would want to have.
45:48 Speaker 03 So that's the job you do have right now. That's pretty much what you do.
45:54 Speaker 03 You go on your show and you, you like force like very notable people to come and like dress up in like medieval garb with you. You see like you are coughing on them in a way.
46:07 Speaker 04 Spiritual cough.
46:08 Speaker 03 Spiritual cough.
46:09 Speaker 04 Yeah. You actually do have a point. Oh, I'm living my dream.
46:12 Speaker 03 I loved being on your show, by the way.
46:14 Speaker 04 Thank you.
46:15 Speaker 03 I thought it was beautiful.
46:16 Speaker 04 You just like being mean to me.
46:16 Speaker 03 I do. I thought it was beautiful that I finally came to a point where you just kind of had to have me on, even though it made no sense. You know, like it's funny that the roster of your show is all like dream guests that are very accomplished. And then there's like some guy you know, like that is ultimately very funny.
46:31 Speaker 04 No, but you know, that's our most viewed episode ever.
46:33 Speaker 03 I do, but I just think it's funny that like it came to a point where it was like, we kind of have to, it's like, I guess we'll have on Coleman Domingo, one of the most decorated, talented actors of our time. And then, yeah, I guess my buddy Caleb.
46:45 Speaker 04 Like, I think that's very funny.
46:47 Speaker 03 My cousin, Cuzzo.
46:48 Speaker 04 I'll have Cuzzo on.
46:49 Speaker 03 I'll have Cuzzo on.
46:50 Speaker 04 Hey, cuz.
46:50 Speaker 03 Yeah.
46:51 Speaker 04 Yeah, uh, no, you were one of clearly the most requested ever. And I was like, I'll look into this guy. I really am not that familiar.
46:57 Speaker 03 We'll see. If he gets his numbers up.
46:59 Speaker 04 Well, let's see some engagement.
47:01 Speaker 03 Let's get his followers up. Maybe he posts on Instagram more than once a month. Maybe, maybe he starts doing that.
47:06 Speaker 04 Yeah, I think, I'd just do anything of note.
47:08 Speaker 03 Anything at all.
47:11 Speaker 03 I think that would be helpful.
47:12 Speaker 04 Anything impressive.
47:12 Speaker 03 I think that would be completely helpful.
47:14 Speaker 04 Yes.
47:14 Speaker 03 Do you know, you know, Brittany, I'm single again. As you know.
47:18 Speaker 04 Look out, world.
47:19 Speaker 03 You have been, uh, you've been there with me every step of the way.
47:21 Speaker 04 I have.
47:22 Speaker 03 I was in a beautiful relationship that ended. And now I'm single again. What do you think I need to be focusing on right now?
47:31 Speaker 04 I think you need to be focusing on, um, being validated by men. I think you need to put all of your self-worth into whether or not a man likes you.
47:41 Speaker 03 I can do that.
47:42 Speaker 04 I think you need to worry about how you look.
47:44 Speaker 03 I can do that.
47:44 Speaker 04 I think you need to worry about your intelligence and if you're good at your job.
47:48 Speaker 03 I can do that.
47:48 Speaker 04 Okay. Those few things, if you just really put that like on your plate, everything else off. Okay. Movie.
47:55 Speaker 03 Yeah.
47:56 Speaker 04 Interview.
47:58 Speaker 03 Yeah.
47:58 Speaker 04 Podcast. I don't want to see it. Worry about what a man thinks about you. That's what you should, I think, take into the new year.
48:05 Speaker 03 My only value is what men think of me.
48:08 Speaker 04 Yeah.
48:08 Speaker 03 My only concern is what men think of me.
48:11 Speaker 04 Yes.
48:11 Speaker 03 My every waking moment is consumed by what men think of me.
48:15 Speaker 04 You think you can do that?
48:16 Speaker 03 I worry about what men think of me. That's what you'd like to see?
48:20 Speaker 04 Yeah.
48:20 Speaker 03 I can do that.
48:23 Speaker 04 Hey, done.
48:23 Speaker 03 I can do that. I was 18 once. And I can, and I can go there again mentally.
48:28 Speaker 04 And did, and will.
48:29 Speaker 03 And did, and will, and would, and have, and should.
48:31 Speaker 04 And you want to know what another one of my so-trues was?
48:33 Speaker 03 Say it now.
48:34 Speaker 04 Stop thinking about men.
48:38 Speaker 03 Whoa, I won't.
48:39 Speaker 04 Well, and you think I will either? No. But that's something where it's like, if someone says that in a group setting, it's like, oh, so true, queen.
48:45 Speaker 03 Yeah.
48:46 Speaker 04 Right? Like, obviously I agree, but in practice, I'm thinking about men.
48:49 Speaker 03 I'm thinking about men.
48:50 Speaker 04 But not in a way, and I will, all credit to the most high, Drew F. Wallow.
48:54 Speaker 03 Yes.
48:55 Speaker 04 She really changed my whole mental perspective on my relationship to and with male validation. And I got to a point, very genuinely, after my last horrific situation-ship.
49:08 Speaker 03 Yeah.
49:08 Speaker 04 Where I was like.
49:09 Speaker 03 I'll kill that guy, by the way.
49:10 Speaker 04 No, and he deserves death.
49:11 Speaker 03 Yeah.
49:12 Speaker 04 He deserves.
49:14 Speaker 03 I will never forget you telling me some of the details of this and me sitting there, mouth agape.
49:18 Speaker 04 Yeah.
49:19 Speaker 03 Like, this is a person I have to harm.
49:20 Speaker 04 Yeah. Am I Shrek to you?
49:22 Speaker 03 What am I to you?
49:23 Speaker 04 What am I to you, other than all I can come to the conclusion of, an ogre?
49:27 Speaker 03 Do you want to fuck me, or do you want to live in my swamp?
49:31 Speaker 04 Yeah, and turns out neither.
49:33 Speaker 03 Neither.
49:33 Speaker 04 Yeah.
49:34 Speaker 03 What's going on?
49:35 Speaker 04 And, and the thing is, is even if you want to live in my swamp, be a donkey at least.
49:39 Speaker 03 Yes.
49:40 Speaker 04 Be, help out around the house.
49:41 Speaker 03 Yes.
49:42 Speaker 04 I asked him one time, I was cleaning the house, he was watching Love Island, gay.
49:46 Speaker 03 Gay.
49:47 Speaker 04 You're gay.
49:47 Speaker 03 First of all, gay guy.
49:49 Speaker 04 Gay guy in my house, no thanks.
49:51 Speaker 03 Sorry, I am, as a woman, by the way.
49:53 Speaker 04 Thank you.
49:53 Speaker 03 I, as a woman, am cleaning the house, and you, a straight man, are watching Love Island on the couch? Open up the iPad and fire up Grindr.
50:01 Speaker 04 I'm telling you right now.
50:03 Speaker 03 You're gay.
50:03 Speaker 04 You're gay.
50:04 Speaker 03 You're gay.
50:05 Speaker 04 You're girly pop.
50:06 Speaker 03 You're gay.
50:07 Speaker 04 Mm-hmm.
50:07 Speaker 03 You're gay.
50:08 Speaker 04 And so, by the way, this was summertime Pride, happy Pride.
50:11 Speaker 03 Happy Pride. It's June and you're gay.
50:12 Speaker 04 Yeah, and he's sitting on my couch, watching Love Island, and I go, "Hey babe, like, can you take out the trash?" Like, I'm actively vacuuming, I'm like, "Lift up your fucking legs." I go, "Can you take out the trash?" He goes, "Yeah, give me like 20 minutes, episode's almost over." Get your white ass up off of my leather couch and take the fucking trash out.
50:33 Speaker 03 Go.
50:33 Speaker 04 You succubus, stoner idiot.
50:37 Speaker 03 Homo, stand up.
50:38 Speaker 04 Homo.
50:38 Speaker 03 Homo. Get up and take the trash out, homo.
50:41 Speaker 04 Take the trash out, homo.
50:42 Speaker 03 There's trash in the house, homo, and it needs to go to the bin. Get up, gay, now.
50:47 Speaker 04 Gay!
50:48 Speaker 03 Before I throw a brick at you. Get up, gay. Get up, gay.
50:53 Speaker 04 Get up, gay guy.
50:54 Speaker 03 Take out trash, gay.
50:55 Speaker 04 Yeah.
50:56 Speaker 03 What are you doing? Men, ooh.
50:58 Speaker 04 That's the eternal question, what, as a man, what are you doing?
51:01 Speaker 03 What are you doing, men? Myself excluded.
51:03 Speaker 04 Stop doing it around me, not, not including you.
51:04 Speaker 03 Myself excluded, yeah. There's something going on with men.
51:08 Speaker 04 Something. Oh, you wanna know what Annabelle said the other day?
51:11 Speaker 03 Tell me now.
51:12 Speaker 04 The other day, last night, about 12 hours ago. She go, actually, I'll read it. Cause I wrote it down because I was high and it made me laugh. And I was like, can't forget that. Read it back to myself this morning. Not funny.
51:20 Speaker 03 Not that interesting, yeah.
51:21 Speaker 04 Uh, yeah. What's in the air today? Dumbass gas? Idiot gas?
51:25 Speaker 03 Well, and someone's breathing deep.
51:27 Speaker 04 Someone's got the respirator on.
51:29 Speaker 03 There's idiot gas in the air and some of y'all are breathing deep.
51:31 Speaker 04 Yeah, I know. You bitches got it. You, you bitches got an inhaler or something.
51:35 Speaker 03 Okay. Okay.
51:36 Speaker 04 You bitches have like a fucking oxygen tank.
51:38 Speaker 03 Brittany, Brittany, ground, ground. Brittany, ground.
51:42 Speaker 04 Yo, dumbass gas in the air. You bitches are sucking it.
51:44 Speaker 03 Brittany, touch something, touch something. Touch three things.
51:48 Speaker 04 I need to knit. That's why I brought my knitting.
51:49 Speaker 03 You brought the knitting. You've only, you've only wielded it to like make a point. You've not knitted once.
51:54 Speaker 04 Well, yeah, cause here's the thing. I thought there was gonna be a podcast stand. I thought there was gonna be a mic stand.
51:57 Speaker 03 No, we hold them on here. We hold them on. The budget's been cut. Yeah, cause you won't come on that often.
52:01 Speaker 04 Well, here I am.
52:02 Speaker 03 If you'd come on more, we'd make more money.
52:03 Speaker 04 I'm supporting queer art.
52:05 Speaker 03 You are. And you always have.
52:07 Speaker 04 And when you came on my show, you were also supporting queer art.
52:09 Speaker 03 I was, my own.
52:10 Speaker 04 Yeah.
52:11 Speaker 03 Yeah, I was promoting myself.
52:12 Speaker 04 Promoting queer art.
52:14 Speaker 03 Yeah, promoting, promoting myself as a queer artiste.
52:17 Speaker 04 Yes.
52:18 Speaker 03 What do you think? Here's what I'm gonna ask you.
52:20 Speaker 04 Let me know.
52:20 Speaker 03 What do you think's going on with the culture right now? What is your view of 2026? How do you feel about 2025? What happened? What is going to need to happen for 2026?
52:30 Speaker 04 2025 was full of lies. It was full of vitriol.
52:38 Speaker 03 Okay.
52:38 Speaker 04 It was, it was full of horrible friendships being torn apart.
52:44 Speaker 03 Yes.
52:44 Speaker 04 Bitter endings.
52:45 Speaker 03 Yes.
52:45 Speaker 04 2026 is about rebirth.
52:47 Speaker 03 Yeah.
52:48 Speaker 04 No, in all seriousness, 2025 was probably one of the best years of my life.
52:51 Speaker 03 Same.
52:51 Speaker 04 Yeah, it was like truly unimaginable personal growth and reconnecting with friends and rediscovering myself. And I think I'm the best version of myself I've ever been. I finally, like I said, got to a point where I truly could give a fuck about a man's opinion of me. Because if I like it, then that means it's probably cool.
53:11 Speaker 03 Yeah.
53:11 Speaker 04 And that means that there's a whole community of cool people that agree with me. So, once you remove, like... Men and their nasty ass incorrect tasteless opinions. You're able to live freely. Sorry, guys, anyone in this room. 2026, I'm seeing more of that. I'm also seeing probably like fashion trends of the 2014, 2015 era coming back.
53:35 Speaker 03 Yes.
53:36 Speaker 04 Infinity scarves, probably. Galaxy print leggings. We're already seeing printed leggings.
53:40 Speaker 03 Yeah.
53:41 Speaker 04 We're seeing a lot of high-waisted jeans, low-rise jeans as well, and like oversized sweaters. It's very, we're back on Tumblr.
53:49 Speaker 03 Yes. I think for 2026, I see ordering for the table. I see board games. Uh, board games coming back in a major way.
53:57 Speaker 04 Board games? Are card games included in that?
54:00 Speaker 03 Card games, board games, manual physical games.
54:02 Speaker 04 I completely agree.
54:03 Speaker 03 Screenless nights with friends. Screenless nights with friends.
54:06 Speaker 04 Screenless nights with friends.
54:07 Speaker 03 Screenless nights with friends.
54:09 Speaker 04 A card game with your friends.
54:11 Speaker 03 Screenless nights with friends. We gather and there's not a screen involved.
54:14 Speaker 04 No, no phones in sight.
54:16 Speaker 03 Cards, board games, walking, eating, talking.
54:19 Speaker 04 Homemade meals with your friends.
54:20 Speaker 03 Homemade meals. Screenless nights with friends.
54:23 Speaker 04 With friends.
54:23 Speaker 03 If you can hear me now, I would like you to have a screenless night with friends. That is coming out big in 2026.
54:30 Speaker 04 100%.
54:31 Speaker 03 Long walks.
54:32 Speaker 04 How about this? Long walks, crafts.
54:34 Speaker 03 Crafts.
54:34 Speaker 04 Yeah, I taught myself how to sew.
54:35 Speaker 03 Crafts, sewing.
54:37 Speaker 04 Sewing.
54:38 Speaker 03 Things that have to do with the hands.
54:40 Speaker 04 Ooh, yeah.
54:40 Speaker 03 Screenless handwork.
54:42 Speaker 04 Screenless handjobs are back in 2026.
54:45 Speaker 03 Jerk someone off today.
54:47 Speaker 04 Please jerk someone off today. And you don't have to use your mouth. That's so, it's past.
54:50 Speaker 03 Jerk someone off now and only suck it a little if you want to.
54:53 Speaker 04 Yeah, I also learned what a rusty trumpet is.
54:55 Speaker 03 Tell me now.
54:58 Speaker 04 So rusty trumpet is actually when you're like eating the ass from, from, and it's like brown. And then you're also jerking it off. So it's like a rusty trumpet.
55:06 Speaker 03 So handjobs are back.
55:09 Speaker 03 Screenless nights with friends, long walks, ordering for the table, homemade meals, enjoying your friends.
55:17 Speaker 04 Jerking it off from the back.
55:18 Speaker 03 Jerking it off from the back.
55:19 Speaker 04 With your friends, with your friends.
55:20 Speaker 03 With your friends.
55:21 Speaker 04 Not on your phone.
55:22 Speaker 03 Enjoying life, joie de vivre.
55:24 Speaker 04 Joy, joie de vivre.
55:25 Speaker 03 Joie de vivre, earnest enjoyment of the things you like with no apologies.
55:30 Speaker 04 Say that.
55:30 Speaker 03 No apologies.
55:31 Speaker 04 Be a nerd, 2026, be a nerd.
55:32 Speaker 03 Nerd time.
55:33 Speaker 04 Nerding.
55:34 Speaker 03 Two of the hottest, coolest people I know just asked me to do D and D with them. I was shocked and I'm going to.
55:39 Speaker 04 Caleb, can I come?
55:40 Speaker 03 Come, you'd love these people.
55:42 Speaker 04 Who is it? Is it Heidi in closet?
55:43 Speaker 03 No, I will tell you who it is off camera.
55:46 Speaker 04 Okay, love it.
55:47 Speaker 03 Cause I don't want to out them in case they don't want people to know they're getting into D and D. I don't know what kind of community that is.
55:51 Speaker 04 Okay.
55:52 Speaker 03 I don't know much about D and D.
55:53 Speaker 04 Okay, yeah. I know they're serious.
55:56 Speaker 03 Yes.
55:56 Speaker 04 Yeah.
55:57 Speaker 03 And yes, that goes into screenless nights with friends. What else is going on? The male Ugg. There has been a cultural caution around the male Ugg.
56:06 Speaker 04 Mind you, he's wearing male Uggs.
56:07 Speaker 03 And I have another pair, the short booties.
56:10 Speaker 04 You're wearing the booties.
56:11 Speaker 03 I'm getting into male Uggs, short booties. If you are a man.
56:14 Speaker 04 Yeah.
56:15 Speaker 03 You should not be wearing the tall Uggs.
56:16 Speaker 04 Right.
56:17 Speaker 03 That's not for you.
56:18 Speaker 04 Cause it's gay.
56:19 Speaker 03 No, it's ugly.
56:20 Speaker 04 Ah.
56:22 Speaker 03 No, it's ugly. I think the short booties are a little gay. Male Uggs are coming back in 2026.
56:28 Speaker 04 Are Birkenstocks out?
56:30 Speaker 03 Birkenstocks are still in.
56:31 Speaker 04 Yes.
56:32 Speaker 03 Also, in for 2026, making playlists for your friends.
56:37 Speaker 04 100%.
56:38 Speaker 03 Make a playlist for your friends now.
56:40 Speaker 04 Make a playlist for each friend now. I think also make a playlist for screenless nights with friends.
56:45 Speaker 03 Screenless nights with friends, make that playlist.
56:47 Speaker 04 Yes.
56:47 Speaker 03 Also.
56:48 Speaker 04 Bossa nova.
56:49 Speaker 03 Bossa nova. Go to random events.
56:52 Speaker 04 This was gonna be one of my so truths actually, because I did prepare five, in fact. Say yes.
56:58 Speaker 03 Say yes, 2026, yes.
56:59 Speaker 04 The cost of community is inconvenience.
57:02 Speaker 03 Yes, say it.
57:03 Speaker 04 Say yes.
57:04 Speaker 03 Everyone wants a village, nobody wants to be a villager. In 2026.
57:09 Speaker 04 Be a villager.
57:09 Speaker 03 We're saying yes to villager.
57:11 Speaker 04 Yeah.
57:12 Speaker 03 We're saying no to isolation.
57:13 Speaker 04 Mm-hmm.
57:13 Speaker 03 In 20, I'm feeling it, I'm feeling it. In 2026, we're saying no to isolation, no to depression. No to sadness.
57:21 Speaker 04 Say no to mental health.
57:22 Speaker 03 Say no to mental health and say yes to getting over yourself and saying yes. We're saying yes in 2026. We're having fun. We're going to random events. We're taking a trip.
57:31 Speaker 04 Yes, we are taking a trip.
57:32 Speaker 03 Taking a trip with our friends.
57:33 Speaker 04 We're saving up. We're not over consuming.
57:34 Speaker 03 We're not over consuming.
57:35 Speaker 04 We're saving up that money to put towards an experience with your friends.
57:38 Speaker 03 We need experiences. We don't need stuff or things. We're having fun. If you have a job you hate, no matter the consequences, we're quitting it in 2026.
57:50 Speaker 04 Yes.
57:50 Speaker 03 Yes.
57:52 Speaker 04 Quit.
57:52 Speaker 03 Go with me.
57:53 Speaker 04 And now.
57:54 Speaker 03 Go with me.
57:54 Speaker 04 Guys, you, who needs health insurance?
57:56 Speaker 03 Quit your job.
57:57 Speaker 04 You quit the job now, work in the service industry.
57:59 Speaker 03 Quit your job, get rid of your health insurance. 2026, everyone who listens to this podcast, you will be blessed beyond measure. If you are seeing this video, if you're hearing this audio.
58:09 Speaker 04 Money coming your way.
58:09 Speaker 03 In 2026, there's money coming your way. There is, there are levels of love you could never have imagined.
58:15 Speaker 04 Yeah, that you haven't unlocked yet.
58:16 Speaker 03 There's wonder and whimsy and experiences. The best things are ahead. The best things are ahead for you.
58:21 Speaker 04 You are anointed in this moment.
58:22 Speaker 03 In 2026 and beyond, if you can see this video, if you can hear this audio.
58:26 Speaker 04 Like and reshare.
58:26 Speaker 03 Like and reshare because the best things are ahead for you. No one can harm you. You've never done anything wrong. Everything is going well.
58:32 Speaker 04 You're always right.
58:33 Speaker 03 You are right. Say yes.
58:36 Speaker 04 Say yes, and also comment to claim.
58:38 Speaker 03 Comment to claim, and you must claim.
58:40 Speaker 04 You must claim it.
58:41 Speaker 03 You must claim.
58:41 Speaker 04 Or it won't come true.
58:42 Speaker 03 Because if you don't claim, you cannot have. You must claim.
58:45 Speaker 04 You must, and if you are not in a position of having, then you should get there from the yearning.
58:51 Speaker 03 Yarn until you have, and once this, oh, Brittany.
58:54 Speaker 04 Okay, okay.
58:55 Speaker 03 This is an important part.
58:56 Speaker 04 Yes.
58:56 Speaker 03 Yarn until, yarn.
58:58 Speaker 04 Yarn.
58:58 Speaker 03 I beg you to yarn.
59:00 Speaker 04 Your being, you should be yearning.
59:02 Speaker 03 Yarn, but once you have.
59:04 Speaker 04 Spiral.
59:05 Speaker 03 Spiral. Crash out and do not know how to enjoy it.
59:09 Speaker 04 Yeah, and lose it.
59:09 Speaker 03 Want until you have, and then freak the fuck out.
59:16 Speaker 04 I can do that.
59:16 Speaker 03 I want you to want constantly.
59:19 Speaker 04 Yes.
59:19 Speaker 03 And once you have, I want you to sabotage.
59:22 Speaker 04 2026, become insatiable.
59:24 Speaker 03 Yes. Never, never have enough.
59:26 Speaker 04 Never, never have enough.
59:27 Speaker 03 Not, these are-
59:28 Speaker 04 Never enough.
59:29 Speaker 03 Never enough. These are jokes, the last part.
59:31 Speaker 04 Yeah, of course.
59:32 Speaker 03 A lot of it was serious up until then.
59:33 Speaker 04 Everything else is serious.
59:35 Speaker 03 I want everyone to live well in 2026. I'm tired, I'm tired, Brittany. I'm tired of bad news.
59:43 Speaker 04 I agree.
59:43 Speaker 03 And bad vibes.
59:44 Speaker 04 Yeah.
59:45 Speaker 03 Let's lighten it up.
59:46 Speaker 04 Guys, get happy now.
59:47 Speaker 03 Get happy now.
59:48 Speaker 04 Everyone get happy now.
59:49 Speaker 03 You know that I've been auditioning as my potential word of the year for 2026. And by the time this episode comes out, I will have decided. But right now, when we're recording in December, I have been auditioning the word lightheartedness for 2026 as my word of the year.
1:00:01 Speaker 04 Lightheartedness.
1:00:02 Speaker 03 As my word of the year.
1:00:04 Speaker 04 I like that.
1:00:04 Speaker 03 I've been auditioning it.
1:00:05 Speaker 04 Nothing's too serious.
1:00:07 Speaker 03 Nothing's too serious, lightheartedness, everything can be light. I have also been auditioning, sometimes it's a word, sometimes it's a phrase. I have been auditioning for 2026, the phrase, "All the best things are ahead of me."
1:00:17 Speaker 04 Ooh.
1:00:18 Speaker 03 Because I believe that they are.
1:00:20 Speaker 04 Wow.
1:00:21 Speaker 03 Brittany, I believe that they are.
1:00:22 Speaker 04 You know, I am, uh, excited
1:00:27 Speaker 04 to see you finally have some success in something.
1:00:30 Speaker 03 Yes. I would like to succeed.
1:00:32 Speaker 04 I'm really looking forward to it.
1:00:33 Speaker 03 But can I tell you something?
1:00:34 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:00:35 Speaker 03 I don't care if I succeed. Because, um, I got everything I need.
1:00:41 Speaker 04 Oh, in this room?
1:00:42 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:00:45 Speaker 04 Caleb.
1:00:46 Speaker 03 I got my girls, right?
1:00:47 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:00:47 Speaker 03 And I have, um-
1:00:49 Speaker 04 Your male Uggs?
1:00:49 Speaker 03 I have my male Uggs and my mugs.
1:00:53 Speaker 04 Mugs.
1:00:54 Speaker 03 And, um-
1:00:54 Speaker 04 Mama, this mug, "Huntie Boot Down," it's giving trade.
1:01:05 Speaker 04 Addison Rae, mother, mother alert, Zara Larson out of the Kia asylum.
1:01:11 Speaker 03 So, I don't know why you're talking like that. But I'm getting really, really scared.
1:01:19 Speaker 04 I'm getting really mad.
1:01:20 Speaker 03 I'm getting really scared.
1:01:23 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:01:24 Speaker 04 I'm trying to communicate with the.
1:01:25 Speaker 03 So you've upset me a lot.
1:01:26 Speaker 04 I'm sorry. Are we really doing this?
1:01:29 Speaker 03 I have a segment for you.
1:01:30 Speaker 04 You love a damn game.
1:01:32 Speaker 03 I have a game for you.
1:01:33 Speaker 04 This damn ass game.
1:01:34 Speaker 03 You love this game.
1:01:34 Speaker 04 I do. Let's do it.
1:01:35 Speaker 03 Brittany, I'm gonna read you 15 statements.
1:01:37 Speaker 04 I'm sure you will.
1:01:38 Speaker 03 You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if you think what I just said was true or false.
1:01:41 Speaker 04 Okay.
1:01:42 Speaker 03 Honey, if you get 10 or more correct, sugar, we're gonna give you 50 US dollars.
1:01:47 Speaker 04 Honey.
1:01:47 Speaker 03 Honey.
1:01:48 Speaker 04 I'm down.
1:01:49 Speaker 03 Boots?
1:01:49 Speaker 04 Boots. Wait, cunt?
1:01:52 Speaker 03 Cunt? Wig? Did you just say wig?
1:01:54 Speaker 04 Did you just say wig?
1:01:55 Speaker 03 Wig.
1:01:58 Speaker 03 Bats are the only flying mammals.
1:02:00 Speaker 04 That is true.
1:02:00 Speaker 03 True. Russia has 11 time zones.
1:02:03 Speaker 04 Yeah, obviously, that's true.
1:02:04 Speaker 03 True. The Amazon River is the longest river in the world.
1:02:06 Speaker 04 No.
1:02:07 Speaker 03 False. It's the Nile River.
1:02:08 Speaker 04 Yes, it is.
1:02:08 Speaker 03 The average human sneeze can be clocked at 100 miles per hour.
1:02:11 Speaker 04 False.
1:02:12 Speaker 03 True. Texas A&M's school newspaper is the Reveler.
1:02:15 Speaker 04 False.
1:02:16 Speaker 03 False. The Battalion.
1:02:16 Speaker 04 Yeah, it is the Battalion.
1:02:17 Speaker 03 Saffron is the world's most expensive spice.
1:02:19 Speaker 04 True.
1:02:19 Speaker 03 True. CVS stands for Consumer Value Stores.
1:02:22 Speaker 04 True.
1:02:22 Speaker 03 True. HEB stands for Howard Edward Butt.
1:02:25 Speaker 04 False.
1:02:26 Speaker 03 True.
1:02:26 Speaker 04 Fuck.
1:02:27 Speaker 03 Ants can lift up to 100 times their body weight.
1:02:28 Speaker 04 True.
1:02:29 Speaker 03 False. Up to 5,000 times their body weight.
1:02:31 Speaker 04 See, I don't like ones like that where you get them.
1:02:33 Speaker 03 Sorry.
1:02:34 Speaker 04 When it is true, but the magnitude has been skewed. You're pissing me off.
1:02:40 Speaker 04 Keep fucking going.
1:02:41 Speaker 03 Greenland is the largest island in the world.
1:02:42 Speaker 04 Greenland?
1:02:43 Speaker 03 Yep.
1:02:44 Speaker 04 Greenland is the largest island in the world. Wrong.
1:02:49 Speaker 03 True.
1:02:49 Speaker 04 It's Australia.
1:02:50 Speaker 03 True.
1:02:50 Speaker 04 Technically, we're all islands.
1:02:51 Speaker 03 Greenland, true. Don't, please.
1:02:56 Speaker 03 Please. Hosier is 6'2".
1:02:59 Speaker 04 False. He's taller.
1:03:00 Speaker 03 False. He's 6'6".
1:03:01 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:03:01 Speaker 03 Shrek has a longer runtime than Shrek 2.
1:03:05 Speaker 04 True.
1:03:05 Speaker 03 False. There are 100 US senators.
1:03:10 Speaker 04 True.
1:03:10 Speaker 03 True.
1:03:11 Speaker 04 There's 50 states and there's two from each state. Ho.
1:03:13 Speaker 03 Raising Canes is older than Timothee Chalamet.
1:03:15 Speaker 04 True.
1:03:16 Speaker 03 False. Sound waves travel faster in water than they do in air.
1:03:19 Speaker 04 True.
1:03:19 Speaker 03 True. How'd you do? Nine. Oh, Brittany. You needed to get 10.
1:03:25 Speaker 04 Can you do it again and I'll answer them right?
1:03:26 Speaker 03 That, you, this is the. It is so funny you say that because we recorded Kumail this morning and he said the exact same thing. He goes, run it again, I'll get them right.
1:03:34 Speaker 04 Yeah, do it again, I'll know the answer.
1:03:35 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:03:36 Speaker 04 But you know what's funny is I probably wouldn't. I'd forget.
1:03:38 Speaker 03 Yeah. Yeah. Can I ask you a question?
1:03:39 Speaker 04 Please.
1:03:41 Speaker 03 You wake up five years from now.
1:03:44 Speaker 04 You love this question.
1:03:45 Speaker 03 What's your perfect day?
1:03:47 Speaker 04 My perfect day?
1:03:48 Speaker 03 And don't be fucking silly with me for once. It wouldn't fucking kill you to give one artist dancer on my show.
1:03:55 Speaker 04 For you, I will. Ready? I wake up.
1:04:00 Speaker 03 Blessings.
1:04:01 Speaker 04 Nothing to do. Nothing to do.
1:04:06 Speaker 04 I, I share a bed with my Irishman, okay? We open the, the verand- the, um, French doors, the French windows, the, the double doors.
1:04:16 Speaker 03 Yeah, just pick one, yeah.
1:04:20 Speaker 04 There's curtains blowing in the breeze, the smell of an orange tree waffs in. We don't speak to each other. We are, he makes me coffee, I read in bed, okay? I haven't gotten out of bed yet. We're reading in bed, uh, we're maybe kissing, we're rolling around.
1:04:36 Speaker 03 How are you gonna do that while you're reading?
1:04:38 Speaker 04 Um, because I'll have finished reading by that point.
1:04:40 Speaker 03 Okay.
1:04:40 Speaker 04 Okay, is that making sense? So then we'll start to watch TV. Then we'll start to watch TV.
1:04:48 Speaker 04 Then we'll might, we'll get up, we'll start doing whatever. We have a big dinner party that night.
1:04:52 Speaker 03 Oh my goodness.
1:04:52 Speaker 04 Okay, we have dinner party, we're hosting, because that's my dream, I love to host.
1:04:55 Speaker 03 Oh me.
1:04:56 Speaker 04 I start prepping some of the meals, I'm cooking, I do like to cook for my friends.
1:05:00 Speaker 03 You do.
1:05:00 Speaker 04 But then they also bring potluck style, okay? The shit that I don't really care to make, like desserts and whatever. I don't like to bake, I like to cook.
1:05:07 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:05:08 Speaker 04 Uh, they bring all that, we do a nice big, I have crafted, me and, me and my man have crafted little name cards out of air dry clay.
1:05:16 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:05:16 Speaker 04 Okay, we've done little crafts that make it, like the candles we've made, our own, um, from wax and scented stuff, everything, the table's set beautifully. We have a beautiful night, screenless night with friends, we play cards.
1:05:28 Speaker 03 Screenless night with friends.
1:05:29 Speaker 04 We don't watch a movie, we don't have to do any of that, we're laughing, we're doing bits, maybe the edibles are broken out, we're pee- I want people peeing in their pants, they're laughing so hard.
1:05:37 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:05:38 Speaker 04 Um, maybe one or two people gets a little too drunk, too high, they spend the night, because I have guest rooms.
1:05:42 Speaker 03 That's me.
1:05:43 Speaker 04 That's my dream.
1:05:43 Speaker 03 I'm high and I'm sleeping over.
1:05:45 Speaker 04 Yeah, you're high and we're gonna drag you out by your ankles.
1:05:47 Speaker 03 I'm so stoned you can't put me in an Uber. Yeah.
1:05:49 Speaker 04 Tough.
1:05:50 Speaker 03 That's the way I get it, it's screenless night with friends, yeah.
1:05:51 Speaker 04 Yeah, you're so stoned, we, we give you a sippy cup with water.
1:05:54 Speaker 03 Yes.
1:05:54 Speaker 04 We say, just figure it out.
1:05:55 Speaker 03 You place me in bed.
1:05:56 Speaker 04 Yes.
1:05:56 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:05:58 Speaker 04 Um, please don't get up and wander into our room because you like to do that.
1:06:01 Speaker 03 I do.
1:06:01 Speaker 04 You like to do that.
1:06:02 Speaker 03 Well, if it's scary, I throw up, yeah.
1:06:04 Speaker 04 Yeah, it is scary at night. It's dark. Um, that's my perfect night. We go to bed and I, I go to bed with my Irishman. He cleans the kitchen. Oh, he cleans the kitchen.
1:06:11 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:06:12 Speaker 04 You take out the trash once you're not high.
1:06:13 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:06:14 Speaker 04 Once you're not that high.
1:06:15 Speaker 03 I'll do it in the morning, yeah.
1:06:16 Speaker 04 Um, yeah, and then we go to bed and then we wake up. We all get breakfast.
1:06:20 Speaker 03 Whoa.
1:06:21 Speaker 04 Okay, and then everyone goes home.
1:06:22 Speaker 03 Wow.
1:06:23 Speaker 04 Yeah. It's my perfect day, which honestly, I know you do this thought experiment with a lot of people and you called out that it's just peace.
1:06:31 Speaker 03 Freedom, peace and freedom.
1:06:32 Speaker 04 Peace and freedom.
1:06:33 Speaker 03 Peace and freedom. I ask people this question a lot, uh, like dinner and stuff, and the number one thing I've noticed, I've been asking it for years of many different types of people. The number one thing people seem to want is freedom. Just the freedom to do what they would like to do.
1:06:46 Speaker 04 How?
1:06:47 Speaker 03 And people have different, varying levels of structure, varying levels of engagement with others. Some people have work included in their perfect day. They like, and then, and there are times when I answer it that I do, that I'm like, you know, I actually would like to, it seems like I'd like to work a little bit. But freedom is the number one thing that they go, if I don't want to do something I was supposed to do, I don't have to. They want freedom.
1:07:05 Speaker 04 And there's no, there's no rigid consequence to it as well. I think that's beautiful. You know, a question I started asking some of the guests on Royal Court is what type of old man do you think you'll be?
1:07:14 Speaker 03 Uh.
1:07:14 Speaker 04 Just an old person?
1:07:15 Speaker 03 You know, for the, for the longest time, I could never picture myself old.
1:07:19 Speaker 04 Whoa.
1:07:20 Speaker 03 I could never, like, when I was growing up and stuff, I never pictured myself old.
1:07:23 Speaker 04 Mm-hmm.
1:07:23 Speaker 03 Like, in, in, like, in a way where I was like, I don't think I'm gonna live to be old. I don't know why. There was nothing wrong.
1:07:28 Speaker 04 What is that supposed to mean?
1:07:29 Speaker 03 I have no fucking clue. It was obviously very weird and sad, but I know a lot of people relate to it, and a lot of queer people I've heard this from, so I'm sure there's something about that.
1:07:36 Speaker 04 Yeah, something deep there that I don't really, we won't get into it.
1:07:38 Speaker 03 I'm not interested in checking that out.
1:07:39 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:07:40 Speaker 03 I would say in the last five years, I've finally started to see myself as an old person.
1:07:44 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:07:44 Speaker 03 And I like him.
1:07:46 Speaker 04 Ooh.
1:07:47 Speaker 03 I like him.
1:07:47 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:07:47 Speaker 03 I think I'm gonna be a silly old person.
1:07:49 Speaker 04 Yeah, you're gonna be the guy in the shop that, like, makes everyone laugh.
1:07:53 Speaker 03 Yeah, I'm gonna do like little faces for the kids and shit. I'm gonna be like the house that goes crazy on Halloween and all the kids wanna come for the candy.
1:07:59 Speaker 04 Totally.
1:08:00 Speaker 03 I'm gonna be hopefully, by the time I'm old, I hope I'm the parent of adult children. I hope I have, like, adult kids by then.
1:08:05 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:08:05 Speaker 03 And I'm gonna be a really good grandparent and I'm gonna be wearing really cute fits.
1:08:11 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:08:12 Speaker 03 I'm gonna be like, not like too stylish. I don't like when an old man is too stylish. Like, I don't like seeing an old man in, like, couture.
1:08:17 Speaker 04 Sure.
1:08:18 Speaker 03 It's not fun for me.
1:08:19 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:08:19 Speaker 03 It upsets me. Not because they can't. I'm just like, I don't, I'm not interested in it. I wanna be stylish in more of a Diane Keaton way.
1:08:27 Speaker 04 Covered from neck to toe.
1:08:29 Speaker 03 Just fucking big flowy shirts.
1:08:32 Speaker 04 Thick turtlenecks.
1:08:33 Speaker 03 Thick turtlenecks, little hats.
1:08:34 Speaker 04 Gloves.
1:08:35 Speaker 03 Comfy pants, gloves.
1:08:36 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:08:37 Speaker 03 I want to be giving like, I want to be giving like comfy older person who has a stylish little chic flair with it.
1:08:43 Speaker 04 Yeah, I like that.
1:08:44 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:08:44 Speaker 04 Gay, but not noticeably.
1:08:46 Speaker 03 Thank you.
1:08:46 Speaker 04 But like, if you thought about it, you would know.
1:08:48 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:08:49 Speaker 04 Yeah, I, I love that for you.
1:08:51 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:08:51 Speaker 04 I do love that. I want to be something a bit similar, but I want to be a bit more, I never want kids. So I think the freedom that that allows is wow, my whole life, I just get to really do me.
1:09:02 Speaker 03 But you'll never know true love.
1:09:04 Speaker 04 Says who?
1:09:05 Speaker 03 Me.
1:09:06 Speaker 04 You need to grow up.
1:09:07 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:09:08 Speaker 04 You need to get that out of your fucking head.
1:09:10 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:09:10 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:09:11 Speaker 03 No, I'm just kidding. I do think that's funny though, when people say that, when people who have kids, they're like, yeah, you're free, but at what cost? That's like their, that's like their POV for real.
1:09:18 Speaker 04 That's.
1:09:19 Speaker 03 It's really funny.
1:09:20 Speaker 04 Harrowing because I get a lot of TikToks of like, I love my daughter, but if I could do this all again, I would not have a kid. Imagine your mother getting on TikTok and saying that, but she probably has.
1:09:29 Speaker 03 You're getting served. Mine?
1:09:31 Speaker 04 Yeah, yours.
1:09:32 Speaker 03 Oh, Brittany, that's horrible.
1:09:33 Speaker 04 It's a joke, Caleb. We're doing, we're doing this.
1:09:36 Speaker 03 Goodness, Brittany, that's horrible.
1:09:39 Speaker 04 Okay.
1:09:40 Speaker 03 Brittany, I just love you so much.
1:09:42 Speaker 04 You know I love you.
1:09:43 Speaker 03 I don't want this to end. Is that crazy?
1:09:45 Speaker 04 Well, how about you and me go get some lunch?
1:09:48 Speaker 03 I know that you're hungry.
1:09:49 Speaker 04 I am hungry.
1:09:50 Speaker 03 We ordered lunch here before you came and you got, you received the order form, but you didn't order anything.
1:09:56 Speaker 04 When was that sent?
1:09:57 Speaker 03 Yesterday, a full day in advance. Yeah. And you know what's funny? Virginia actually texted me and said, hey, Brittany doesn't respond to this email when I email her. You might want to text her the lunch order. And I forgot to do it. So actually, there was actually a system in place to make sure that you were taken care of. And I forgot to do the double step. So that's on me.
1:10:16 Speaker 04 It's fine because I think things happen for a reason and all roads lead to Cinnabon.
1:10:20 Speaker 03 There is not a road leading to Cinnabon today. I'm not taking you-
1:10:24 Speaker 04 There might be a DoorDash driver leaving to-
1:10:25 Speaker 03 I'm not taking you to Popeyes or Cinnabon, Brittany.
1:10:27 Speaker 04 Are you actually fucking for real?
1:10:29 Speaker 03 Yes, I'm fucking for real. I'm gonna take you somewhere good and local.
1:10:32 Speaker 04 Okay.
1:10:33 Speaker 03 You're gonna patronize a local business today.
1:10:36 Speaker 04 We're gonna raise the decibels in this local business.
1:10:38 Speaker 03 I'm taking you kicking and screaming into a small owned business.
1:10:41 Speaker 04 You know what? I'll allow it, just for today.
1:10:42 Speaker 03 Just for today?
1:10:43 Speaker 04 Just for today?
1:10:43 Speaker 03 I love you so much. Is there anything we didn't talk about? God, we might not do this again for a long time. Is there anything you wanna talk about that we didn't get into?
1:10:49 Speaker 04 Why would you say that?
1:10:50 Speaker 03 We might not. We're busy. You're places on places.
1:10:52 Speaker 04 Yeah, but I'll be back here in six months. We'll do this again.
1:10:54 Speaker 03 Yeah. We did, you and I did concept a while, a while back. A show called Porch Sitting.
1:11:00 Speaker 04 Porch Sitting.
1:11:01 Speaker 03 Where we sit on a porch.
1:11:02 Speaker 04 And just-
1:11:03 Speaker 03 And just fucking gab.
1:11:05 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:11:05 Speaker 03 And I don't think that either of us is in a place to do it anytime soon.
1:11:08 Speaker 04 No, that's when we're like 40s.
1:11:10 Speaker 03 Exactly.
1:11:10 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:11:11 Speaker 03 There's a future where we do this.
1:11:13 Speaker 04 And it will be happening.
1:11:14 Speaker 03 And first guest? Drew.
1:11:17 Speaker 04 Drew. It would be Drew.
1:11:18 Speaker 03 I do love Drew.
1:11:19 Speaker 04 Trixie.
1:11:20 Speaker 03 Trixie.
1:11:21 Speaker 04 And no one else, really. Chris.
1:11:22 Speaker 03 We'll do one episode with Drew, one episode with Trixie, one episode with Chris. We call it.
1:11:27 Speaker 04 It's a limited series.
1:11:28 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:11:28 Speaker 04 Yeah. I do think that that is, um, oh, here's something else I wanna talk about. I'm not done yet.
1:11:34 Speaker 03 Okay.
1:11:35 Speaker 04 Have you thought about, or have we talked about this before, of if all this went away tomorrow, what would you do?
1:11:41 Speaker 03 Yeah, I've got several ideas.
1:11:42 Speaker 04 Yeah. Let me know.
1:11:43 Speaker 03 I don't have enough money put away yet to accomplish this, but I'm trying to put money away to the effect that I would get a farm somewhere and learn how to farm. And no, it's not easy. I know it'd be very hard. I just legitimately, I think that if I wasn't doing this, I think I'd like to do a total 180 where my life has like-
1:11:58 Speaker 04 You'd be tending to the land.
1:11:59 Speaker 03 Real, like, hard work. I think that's one thing I would do. Or I would, um, when you say all of this went away, like, could I go write books or that's not a possibility anymore either? Like, I get, like, full-scale canceled or something.
1:12:12 Speaker 04 It would be like you don't have the platform that you do.
1:12:14 Speaker 03 Yeah. Um, I would probably, I have the house in Kansas City. I would probably just move back to Kansas City and I actually did, um, I did think about this recently that I was like, I was having some anxiety about, uh, people were mad at me online for something. I don't even remember what, to be 100% honest. But it was something that people were being annoying to me about in my tagged stories.
1:12:35 Speaker 04 Uh huh.
1:12:36 Speaker 03 And I, um, I thought like, man, what if I just quit all this? And I don't want to, cause I love my life, but that thought comes up sometimes.
1:12:41 Speaker 04 Of course.
1:12:42 Speaker 03 And I thought, well, as long as you had enough money to pay off the house, I would probably just, like, go, uh, volunteer with KC tenants as much as I could. Like just volunteer with the tenant union because I love all those people and I love that thing. So I'm like, if I had money to live enough, I'm assuming that I would have enough money coming in residually for at least a while to just like go away and do that. And then I would have to figure something else out eventually.
1:13:05 Speaker 04 But you would. I think all roads would lead back to you having a creative pursuit in some regard.
1:13:11 Speaker 03 I'll always be making, I need it to live. I need it to live.
1:13:14 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:13:15 Speaker 03 I literally am supposed to be taking a break right now and I did two shows last night.
1:13:18 Speaker 04 You literally cannot help it.
1:13:20 Speaker 03 I like it. There's new stuff I want to talk about. I like it.
1:13:22 Speaker 04 You know, I'm hoping for 2026, I can get to a place where I'm bored again.
1:13:27 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:13:27 Speaker 04 Some of my best, like the most fun that I have making things or creating things or coming up with ideas for whatever is when I'm bored to tears. And I haven't been bored for a long time. And I've gotten to this place where it's like, I need to juice up and be just cracked out on an energy drink to be able to be like, you don't need to do all that.
1:13:48 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:13:49 Speaker 04 You don't need to do it because it's in here.
1:13:50 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:13:51 Speaker 04 Oh, I think also, what's up?
1:13:53 Speaker 03 No, no, I'm listening.
1:13:54 Speaker 04 I was gonna say that and my version is I'd go back to school.
1:13:58 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:13:58 Speaker 04 Yeah, I crave academicism.
1:14:01 Speaker 03 Do you know what? That is another thing. If I could get, if I could get in somewhere, I actually might do this anyway. I've kind of dreamed of taking a year or two off and going and getting a master's in divinity. And like studying religion.
1:14:14 Speaker 04 You're kidding.
1:14:14 Speaker 03 Yeah, I don't want to like be a preacher or anything, but I would like to go and spend a year like at a really good, what are they called? The?
1:14:22 Speaker 04 Theology?
1:14:23 Speaker 03 Yeah, but they're a really good the.
1:14:26 Speaker 04 Despian.
1:14:27 Speaker 03 Um, but a really good MDiv program and going and learning about just like faith and religion and like talking with other people like that.
1:14:34 Speaker 04 Very tea because I feel like that's one of the only honest places you could actually have an academic discourse about true, genuine questions about it. And also to have a curriculum to study the texts and, and have a discussion based classroom. I think that's really. I love.
1:14:51 Speaker 03 And for most people that I know that have an MDiv, their class was very diverse. It was like people that were there that were Muslim and people that were Jewish and people that were atheist and people that were Christian.
1:15:01 Speaker 04 Yeah, love.
1:15:02 Speaker 03 It seems like a space where you can very academically talk with a very diverse group of people on purpose, in a continued way.
1:15:09 Speaker 04 And no judgment.
1:15:10 Speaker 03 That would be really nice.
1:15:11 Speaker 04 Yeah, imagine.
1:15:12 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:15:12 Speaker 04 Imagine that. And oh, you don't want to do it in TikTok comment sections?
1:15:15 Speaker 03 No, not anymore.
1:15:16 Speaker 04 That's random.
1:15:17 Speaker 03 Not anymore. I had fun with that for a while.
1:15:18 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:15:18 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:15:19 Speaker 04 On Twitter?
1:15:19 Speaker 03 I did see a girl on TikTok recently that her thing is like, her thing is like walking around just like saying moral dilemmas that have already been established. And she's like, she's like, so there's a train on a track.
1:15:36 Speaker 03 And if you do nothing, it kills one person, but if you change it, it kills five or whatever.
1:15:39 Speaker 04 And people just talk in the comments?
1:15:41 Speaker 03 And then people are in the comments being like, I think I would pull the lever. And it's like, they're literally, and her whole thing is just repeating these. She's like, so a man in a white coat tells you to push a button. You hear a scream in the other room. Would you push it? And people were in the comments being like, I wouldn't push it. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? What the fuck is going on?
1:15:58 Speaker 04 Ever heard of World War II, sweetie?
1:16:00 Speaker 03 Stop it.
1:16:01 Speaker 04 Yeah, how about this? Um, that, and I forgot what I was gonna say. Hold on, say it again.
1:16:09 Speaker 03 If there was a man in a white coat and you pushed a-
1:16:12 Speaker 04 Oh, here's what I was gonna say. Thank you. One must imagine Sisyphus creating TikTok philosophy videos.
1:16:18 Speaker 03 Yeah, have to.
1:16:19 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:16:19 Speaker 03 One must imagine that.
1:16:20 Speaker 04 One must imagine. I think it's so funny when you can clearly tell, just from being on the internet for that long, this is recycled content. And it's like, anyone can do a TikTok caption and do, and point to it with like a trending audio and then it gets seven million likes and it's like, totally. But I don't feel, I have this strange relationship to that type of content now where I'm like, this will always happen.
1:16:44 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:16:44 Speaker 04 And where are you gonna be in a year? You know, like this, I want to comment like, young Padawan.
1:16:50 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:16:50 Speaker 04 This is bottomless.
1:16:51 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:16:52 Speaker 04 This is an infinite well.
1:16:53 Speaker 03 You could do this forever.
1:16:53 Speaker 04 You could do this forever.
1:16:54 Speaker 03 Yeah, that's why I'm kind of getting interested in, well, I've always been interested in live performance, but I'm kind of getting, I'm starting to spend my brain on theater a little bit and being like, is there a theater piece I'd like to do? Because I increasingly, as everything becomes AI and as all these companies become one super company called like, watch it or whatever the fuck.
1:17:10 Speaker 04 Watch it now plus.
1:17:11 Speaker 03 Whatever the fuck they're doing. Watch it. Uh, watch it. Plus, plus, plus. Deliverable. Like, I don't, they're all becoming like one company. I don't know. I'm scared.
1:17:18 Speaker 04 It's very scary.
1:17:19 Speaker 03 And everything's AI. You can't really trust anything anymore. I'm like, the thing that we can trust is being in rooms with strangers.
1:17:24 Speaker 04 Totally.
1:17:25 Speaker 03 That we can trust that that is real. And there's only really one really negative outcome of that. And we're obviously not doing anything about that.
1:17:32 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:17:34 Speaker 03 You know, shootings, but.
1:17:35 Speaker 04 Oh, COVID.
1:17:36 Speaker 03 COVID. Yeah. Well, we did something about that. We started ignoring it. And Brittany, I love you so much.
1:17:42 Speaker 04 I love you, girl.
1:17:44 Speaker 03 I want to turn these cameras off. I want to go get stoned with you and I want to find lunch.
1:17:48 Speaker 04 You know what? I could be down.
1:17:50 Speaker 03 Do you want to tell people where they can find you?
1:17:52 Speaker 04 You can find me, Brittany Broski, on The Broski Report. It's a podcast. I talk to myself. You guys might like it. You can find me on Royal Court. It's my celebrity interview show. It's medieval themed, as Caleb so sillily pointed out. We've had him on. If you're a fan of him, you might be a fan of my show. Okay? We've also had Drew, Trixie, all the classic characters in our gang we've had on the show. You can go check it out there. You can check me out on Red Carpets. I host stuff. I do college shows. If you want to book me, my email's in my bio. Um, I do birthdays. And I love you guys and I love you.
1:18:29 Speaker 03 I love you so much, dude.
1:18:30 Speaker 04 Oh, and I also post YouTube videos now. We're back in 2026 on the Brittany Broski YouTube channel. That's three channels, three free channels, content for free all the time. You want merch? I've got broski.shop. Guys, come on.
1:18:43 Speaker 03 I love you.
1:18:44 Speaker 04 Love you.
1:18:45 Speaker 03 Bye for now.
1:18:46 Speaker 04 Bye for now. I'll be back in six months.
1:18:47 Speaker 03 You're welcome. Bye.
1:18:49 Speaker 00 Let's be honest. You don't go to the holiday gift exchange just to participate. You go to win. This year, cause a stir. Gift a KitchenAid stand mixer to whip up new traditions. Tis your season to mix it up.
1:19:05 Speaker 01 At Peloton, sometimes thinking big means thinking small. Introducing the new Peloton TreadFlex. Our first foldable and movable tread that's just about three feet stowed, so you can roll it away. With an ultra-quiet and comfortable belt that whispers while you run. Made to fit however you move, and fit to move wherever you like. Let yourself run. Peloton. Explore Peloton TreadFlex at onepeloton.com.
1:19:35 Speaker 05 This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. You can go deep, keep it on the ground, or draw up something nobody sees coming. And whether you want to run a flea flicker or the tush push, you need a plan to fit your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you, so they can help personalize coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.
Previous Stavros Halkias Returns Next Grace Kuhlenschmidt Returns Page updated October 31, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated