Holmes Returns Again

Welcome! This week is the second return of the hilarious Holmes! Holmes and Caleb talk favorite bodies of water, goober girls, a crazy night they shared on the dance floor, flowers, and much more! Get tickets to the About to Bust Festival August 1st in Brooklyn! Tickets and details here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/about-to-bust-comedy-festival-tickets-1992159546832 Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Holmes! @_holmes_holmes Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Book your next trip at https://Booking.com. Book today on the site or in the app. Download the Bilt app and join the membership for where you live, at https://joinbilt.com/sotrue. Go to https://Audible.com/headswillrollseries to start listening today. Thank you to Hinge! So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Virginia Muller. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. A Wave series. https://wavesportsandentertainment.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:48Speaker 02

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• 1:08Speaker 03

  A lot of people and we're like, oh, I do feel non-binary and this has been a thing for like thousands of years, like a third gender. And I'm noticing this because I'm not be under the gaze of a really patriarchal, dominant society for a second. I'm understanding this and then a lot of them did feel like I have to take this back because not only is it being teased a lot, it's being like truly like put in danger by our government.

• 1:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think there's just boys and girls.

• 1:40Speaker 03

  Are we rolling?

• 1:42Speaker 04

  Of course we're rolling.

• 1:42Speaker 03

  Oh, she's like.

• 1:44Speaker 04

  Of course we're rolling, Holmes.

• 1:45Speaker 03

  That's you going to the club the other day.

• 1:47Speaker 04

  What?

• 1:48Speaker 03

  When you brought us in somewhere really, really long and I'd never seen it. You hate this.

• 1:51Speaker 04

  You were, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:52Speaker 03

  No, I had never seen it. You were like, you're like, you're like.

• 1:57Speaker 04

  People have no idea what you're talking about. Do you want to explain?

• 1:59Speaker 03

  Yes. Well, so I get in from filming overcompensating season two. Kayla was so fucking sweet, not usual for him looking at the camera, just kidding. Oh, there it is. He was waiting at my hotel with like a bunch of sweets and weed. It really meant the world to me. And then I was like, I just want to stay in the hotel forever. I just want to lay down. And then at 11:00 PM, I had a second wind.

• 2:17Speaker 04

  The whole day you were like, I'm not leaving the hotel. We're not doing anything tonight. Don't plan on it. I was like, okay, we won't do anything tonight.

• 2:23Speaker 03

  You, I knew it. He did this new technique because normally.

• 2:28Speaker 03

  You did. You did a new technique.

• 2:30Speaker 04

  I'm finding new trickery in ways around Holmes's boundaries.

• 2:32Speaker 03

  It actually worked really, really well. It was actually, it was crazy because I really felt like I had gone, gotten past you kind of tricking me in new little sneak ways. And I was like, new technique. And he kept being like, I don't know what you are calling this new technique.

• 2:45Speaker 04

  And you were like. They're like, they're like, I'm setting a hard boundary. My energy is such that I just, I can't go out tonight. I'm not leaving the hotel. I was like, sounds good. We'll sit in the hotel.

• 2:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was like, we'll be in the hotel. He was like, I don't even want to go dancing really.

• 2:55Speaker 04

  Not worries.

• 2:56Speaker 03

  But then you would have a teeny, a teeny, teeny one. Yes. And so then all of a sudden.

• 3:01Speaker 04

  11:00 PM strikes and what happens?

• 3:02Speaker 03

  You did something really, really sneaky too, which is what kind of weed did you bring me? A perfect sativa, a little.

• 3:07Speaker 04

  Uppers.

• 3:07Speaker 03

  So I have a little sativa.

• 3:08Speaker 04

  I brought you goofy weed.

• 3:10Speaker 03

  I'm like, I have to take a shower. And then all of a sudden I come out, Aiden and Caleb are there. I go, let's go dancing. And we had a second wind, huge, but it was the last week in a pride. And so it's funny because I like telling them the story. It's the last week in a pride. And so we tried to go dancing and first we go to a beauty bar and it's like, there's a huge line outside the dance floor. It's like so crowded. There's no way.

• 3:27Speaker 04

  There's a line to get on the dance floor that's like metered by a security guard. I was like, what, what happened to New York City?

• 3:34Speaker 03

  Wait, but then do you remember what happened? We were like, we, there was a screen and we're like, oh, that must be where people are dancing. But everyone was standing really, really still and we're like, I guess not. And then all of a sudden it was.

• 3:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, YMCA. There was a CCTV screen. We were like, that must be on the dance floor, but no one's moving. I wonder if it's frozen. And then immediately people started doing the YMCA.

• 3:51Speaker 03

  But they were like so jam-packed. It was like, anyway. So then I was like, fuck, we might not be able to go dancing. We'll try one more place. And we tried, we go there and it's like, the line is so long and I'm thinking like, you know.

• 4:00Speaker 04

  We'll bleep the name of the place. We'll bleep the name of the second place.

• 4:03Speaker 03

  Oh, bleep it. Totally. Bleep it. Um, and then, yeah, bleep a couple of things throughout. And then I'm so happy to be here. Okay. And then basically, oh, I was like, we won't be able to go. Let's just go eat or whatever. And then Caleb like makes eye contact from afar with like one of the bouncers and is like,

• 4:21Speaker 03

  puts up the number three and then all of a sudden we're walking in and I was like, I'm like soaking wet. This is fucking nuts. I had never been through anything like it. And then we had the best night ever and we danced till they closed down.

• 4:29Speaker 04

  We danced until they kicked us out.

• 4:31Speaker 03

  I needed it so bad. People, I remember one girl even came up and kind of hit on me and I like loved it, but then I didn't even want to kiss. I was like, thank you.

• 4:41Speaker 03

  And then I kept dancing and Aiden, Aiden was like, kiss her, kiss her. And I was like, I don't want to even speak. It was just like a total dance night. It was magic.

• 4:48Speaker 04

  Aiden's like touching herself. She's like, kiss her.

• 4:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, Aiden's like, kiss her now.

• 4:51Speaker 04

  Kiss her, kiss her.

• 4:53Speaker 03

  No, Aiden, I was actually fucked what we did to Aiden. Aiden came over in sweats because I told her we were going to be just at the hotel the whole night.

• 4:58Speaker 04

  You did that to Aiden.

• 4:58Speaker 03

  I know I did, but you were down for it too. I saw when you were like, you were like, are you not going to change? And Aiden was like, this is all I have. And you were like, it looks good.

• 5:06Speaker 03

  I mean, Aiden is like the most beautiful person in the world, so it's fine.

• 5:08Speaker 04

  She looked stunning and she just was really hot and uncomfortable.

• 5:10Speaker 03

  Well, she had like, yeah, I'd look over at her and it was like, she was sweating a way I'd never seen. And she was like, she was like, it's kind of hot in here. And I was like, you're getting really hot, aren't you?

• 5:17Speaker 04

  You need some water, yeah.

• 5:18Speaker 03

  And we got her some water and she headed home a little earlier than us.

• 5:21Speaker 04

  That is true. I wish she hadn't left.

• 5:23Speaker 03

  She slept last.

• 5:23Speaker 04

  But then we went to the diner and I got a bacon grilled cheese.

• 5:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I snapped at a fan. I didn't snap. No, I didn't.

• 5:28Speaker 04

  You didn't snap at a fan, but it was really funny because a fan came over and was talking to us and.

• 5:32Speaker 03

  What was on the dance floor?

• 5:33Speaker 04

  I was like, what?

• 5:35Speaker 03

  On the dance floor when the fans were coming up to you. I had two, two drinks that night and normally I'm not drinking very much anymore. And like fans would try to come up to Caleb while we're dancing and hey, shout out, we love like everyone who supports obviously Caleb, but sometimes it's like, we need boundaries. And Caleb said with my body, I would suddenly start to be dancing, just like blocking them off.

• 5:50Speaker 04

  Someone, I would see someone trying to say hello to me and they would be like, where this camera is? And then immediately Holmes's body would just come in between us. And Holmes would be like dancing like this.

• 6:01Speaker 04

  And I was like, you know what? Shout out. But we went to the diner and this fan was drunk and being pretty obnoxious and specifically made me laugh really hard because I was trying to just like end the interaction so we could go back to having our normal conversation. Cause she was drunk and then Holmes goes, Holmes goes, we've been dancing. We're a little sweaty. And the girl goes, I can tell.

• 6:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. She like read me to fill. I think, I think it was me specifically.

• 6:22Speaker 04

  It was you specifically. I know because I laughed.

• 6:24Speaker 03

  I was like, I was really, I'm exhausted and stuff. And she was like, I know. I was like.

• 6:27Speaker 04

  I laughed so hard.

• 6:28Speaker 03

  I was like, don't interrupt our diner moments.

• 6:30Speaker 04

  She's like, if that bitch comes back over here, I'm going to tell her off.

• 6:33Speaker 03

  Here's the thing, like I have like truly probably like 1% of the fan base that Caleb has. One time I was like, Caleb, do you ever say no when someone asks for a photo? He was like, never have. And he was like, why do you? And I was like, half the time. So I just am not meant to have, yeah, you're a lot sweeter to them. I'm not mean to them. I just don't like to be disturbed in public. I don't like to be disturbed in public. I really am very grateful for anyone who supports comedy and the arts. It just is like, it's hard to, it's hard to know you're being watched. And I think I get defensive of you, but because I had two alcohol drinks.

• 7:00Speaker 04

  I had a girl yesterday that I almost for real snapped on. I was on the phone. I was on the phone, standing on the street in Brooklyn. And she goes, she goes, hello, from like 30 feet away. I didn't understand her. I go, I go, what? She goes, hello. I go, what? She walks closer and she goes, you're from YouTube. You do stuff with Brittany? And I go, yeah. And she goes, okay, hi.

• 7:23Speaker 03

  This is what I mean.

• 7:25Speaker 04

  Go away. Like in my head, I'm like, are you out of your fucking mind? I'm on a phone call. You're yelling at me from 30 feet away and then you come over to say, you're the guy from YouTube who does stuff with Brittany? All my love to Brittany. Of course I love you, girl. I know you watch every episode, but like, leave me alone.

• 7:41Speaker 03

  I know. I think this is what it is, is that I.

• 7:42Speaker 04

  And then you catch an attitude with me? Oh, I almost, I was like, you need to walk away now.

• 7:46Speaker 03

  No, when they catch that, I told you when I was walking behind the girl on my flight. My seat was worse than hers in economy. And she was like, oh my God, can I get a photo? And I was like, I'm behind you. And I was like, and I just woke up and I was like, really, really thank you so much. It's one of those things where, yeah, I, I think I get defensive for you and also it's like, we're appreciative too.

• 8:03Speaker 04

  What do you think is the meanest you've ever been to a stranger or like the like worst, the worst interaction you've ever had with a stranger? I have one that comes to mind.

• 8:14Speaker 03

  Me or you?

• 8:15Speaker 04

  Me.

• 8:15Speaker 03

  Oh, thank God. I was like, well, keep it to you.

• 8:17Speaker 04

  You I could probably think of. No.

• 8:19Speaker 03

  Say yours first and I'm sure mine will come. I mean, I definitely push it.

• 8:21Speaker 04

  I was getting off a plane in Mexico City and there was this big, long hallway to get to the customs area. And people are, I was, I was with friends, but they weren't with me for some reason. Maybe they got like ahead of me or something like that. And everyone is walking fivefold. People are walking around. People are going quicker. People are going slower. And I'm not going to remember all the exact details, but there was a woman in front of me going very slow. She was just like a middle-aged woman. I didn't do anything. I like walked around her, not briskly, nothing. I did what everyone was doing, which is just making our way. And she goes, oh, congratulations. You're going to get there 20 seconds sooner to me. And I was like, I'm just walking like everyone. Do you have a problem?

• 9:03Speaker 04

  And she was like, I do have a problem. It's that everyone's in a big fucking rush and wants to rush past everybody. And I was like, you need to relax and stop speaking to me this way immediately because I've done nothing to you. And you have lost your fucking mind.

• 9:15Speaker 03

  Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. This story you actually are like kind of correct in.

• 9:19Speaker 04

  I, 100% I'm correct, but I was.

• 9:21Speaker 03

  You weren't that mean.

• 9:22Speaker 04

  Oh, I said, you've lost your fucking mind at a very loud tone in a public place. It was completely like, I was like, you have lost your fucking mind.

• 9:30Speaker 03

  Caleb's like, she's officiating my wedding.

• 9:32Speaker 04

  Well, we did have an amends. So then basically I was like, you've lost your fucking mind. And she was like, whatever, just go ahead. And I said, I will, and I don't need your permission. Thank you. Have a nice day. And I walked on. I was, I was like, what are you, what is your problem?

• 9:44Speaker 03

  I mean, at the airport, this is at the airport you're saying.

• 9:46Speaker 04

  People lose their minds. It was at the airport. And then we get up into security and she somehow gets ahead of me, which is totally fine. I think she ends up in another line. She gets ahead of me and she.

• 9:59Speaker 03

  Someone picked up the pace.

• 10:00Speaker 04

  For sure. Yeah. She learned how to fucking walk real quick. I can tell you that. And then she like looks back at me and goes like.

• 10:07Speaker 03

  No, no, no. She's like, she's like.

• 10:08Speaker 04

  She like tells me to come up there and I go up there because I'm like, I'm assuming she's going to apologize. And I go up there and she goes, get in line with me. And I get in line with her and she goes, I'm sorry. I was, she goes, I was crazy back there. My mom is sick. I've been taking care of her. I'm just like losing my mind.

• 10:23Speaker 03

  See, I love this fucking shit.

• 10:25Speaker 04

  And I was like, I was like, that's totally okay. It's like hard to be at an airport. I totally get it. I was a little confused, but I was like, what did you think I did? And she was like, I don't even know. I thought you were cutting me. I'm sorry. And I was like, no worries at all. And then when we got, we like talked all the way through security. She was telling me about her mom, really telling me about the situation with the mom.

• 10:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, you're like, at this point, like I'm not mad at you anymore and like, I'm not going to meet your mom.

• 10:49Speaker 04

  She was sweet. And then when we got outside, she was like, she was like, where are you staying in the city? Like, I think kind of trying to be like, maybe we'd hang out on the trip. And I was like, we're not going to hang out on the trip.

• 10:58Speaker 03

  Yeah. She's like, she's like, where do you go out? She's like, what's your dance style?

• 11:00Speaker 04

  That was, I was like, I was like, I'm really happy we made amends. We talked a lot about your mom. I feel, I feel like I did my part in this interaction.

• 11:07Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 11:07Speaker 04

  Where I'm not going to be like rearranging the trip to hang out with you because ultimately you do have pretty rancid vibes, mom or not.

• 11:13Speaker 03

  You did.

• 11:14Speaker 04

  You did snap on me.

• 11:15Speaker 03

  Prawn out the first person you snapped at in the airport.

• 11:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not so sure you're stable, to be honest.

• 11:19Speaker 03

  1,000%. No, that one, I, you're totally in the right. And I feel really bad when I'm walking really, really fast and passing people. It is like a strategy.

• 11:26Speaker 04

  I was in the right, but there's no need to, you should never really be raising your voice and cursing at a stranger. Like, to cuss at her was crazy. I was right. She was being a bitch, but I didn't need to say it.

• 11:35Speaker 03

  The sorry is a really, really huge thing. And like, I hope I can always say sorry. I want my friends to always call me out if I can't. And I also hope, I feel like I'm a good, a good at saying sorry.

• 11:43Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 11:44Speaker 03

  Shut up!

• 11:45Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 11:46Speaker 03

  We're both good at saying sorry.

• 11:47Speaker 04

  You've wronged me a lot.

• 11:49Speaker 03

  We're both good at saying sorry.

• 11:50Speaker 04

  You think so?

• 11:50Speaker 03

  I think we really are. I think if we get called out either way, we like, we'll say sorry.

• 11:55Speaker 04

  I learned that you were mad at me recently when I didn't know you were mad at me.

• 11:58Speaker 03

  What the fuck are you talk, oh!

• 12:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, remember?

• 12:02Speaker 03

  I thought that that was like, really like growth with me, though, that I kind of sat with it. Cause I knew I was in like, a little bit of a heightened state.

• 12:07Speaker 04

  It was growth with you in a certain way, I think.

• 12:10Speaker 03

  I think we both had that. Sometimes we'll sit for a second and then talk about it.

• 12:13Speaker 04

  You didn't talk to me for a week.

• 12:19Speaker 03

  I was going through something pretty intense, really, really hard.

• 12:21Speaker 04

  You were having a mo, a life moment.

• 12:23Speaker 03

  And it was really, really not my fault, really, really an intense one.

• 12:26Speaker 04

  Totally. It was out of your control, yeah.

• 12:27Speaker 03

  And I had sent a, because, here's the thing, I have all my best friends. It's actually something I want to talk about on the podcast, it's curious, cause like, you're obviously one of my best friends in the whole world. And a lot of my, oh, one of.

• 12:36Speaker 04

  Oh, one of, name the others.

• 12:37Speaker 03

  Shut up, lovely. The other ones are all like, sweetie girls, and you know that. And it's one of those things where they are, we like to analyze situations and personalities and drama for hours. You don't find that fun or interesting. You like, if we're talking about, if we're talking about someone who's like, if something about, like, you'll want to be like, this is how I would handle it, done, fast. You like, you like to not spend time with it.

• 12:58Speaker 04

  I'm a solutions guy. It becomes a problem sometimes with my girls, yeah.

• 13:01Speaker 03

  Well, I respect it. So it's like, one of those things where I didn't, I remember I didn't want to have to, I didn't want to give you a bunch of information that you were gonna be like, this is boring and I don't care.

• 13:12Speaker 04

  That would never be my response, but yeah, I understand what you mean.

• 13:15Speaker 03

  I know, I know. I was just trying to be, and so then I said a bunch of kind of stressful stuff really, really fast in a voice memo to him, being basically like, this is the state I'm in, so I'll talk to you soon.

• 13:23Speaker 04

  And kind of left out like, big foundational details, kind of like, basically just sounded like manic and like, very confusing.

• 13:30Speaker 03

  And then he, in the voice memo back goes, well, you sound crazy right now.

• 13:35Speaker 03

  Which, for me, is a big trigger word that I don't, that I don't like to hear.

• 13:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:39Speaker 03

  Um, but, because I was pretty aware that if I re-listened to the voice memo, I would sound crazy. I said, I'm gonna just like, sit with this for a second, that I feel a little bit like, upset, and then I know I'll talk to him in a second. And then what happened is, I actually feel like you maybe, you felt a little energy.

• 13:55Speaker 04

  Well, you didn't talk.

• 13:56Speaker 03

  Did you feel energy?

• 13:57Speaker 04

  You didn't talk to me for a week, so I was like, when I sent the voice note, I didn't realize you were actually that stressed about the things that you were talking about.

• 14:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:04Speaker 04

  I was like, oh, Holmes is just being kind of like manic today, and like, I was just getting, cause I did, you did not give me the details that other people feel were getting.

• 14:11Speaker 03

  She just had a bunch of coffees.

• 14:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, I was like, oh, she had, she fired off like, two cold brews and then sent me a voice note that was like, pretty mangled.

• 14:17Speaker 03

  No, and I was just like, saving details, cause I was like, this will be 30 minutes.

• 14:20Speaker 04

  100%. And so, then after you didn't talk to me for a week, which is really unlike us, I was like, oh, they must be really, really busy and probably pretty stressed out to not talk to me for a week. So I sent you flowers to be like.

• 14:34Speaker 03

  Shout out.

• 14:34Speaker 04

  To be like.

• 14:35Speaker 03

  Not so crazy when those flowers came in.

• 14:40Speaker 04

  So I sent flowers to be like, hey, I hope you're good, love you.

• 14:43Speaker 03

  The flowers were, and then I was like, and then I was like.

• 14:45Speaker 04

  And then you called me and you were like, hey, I've not been talking to you, cause I've been really mad at you, but I was processing it on my own.

• 14:49Speaker 03

  No, no, no, do not, I did not seem really mad at all. I said, thank you so much for the flowers, I missed you, I love you. And then I said what I was feeling, cause I knew it was. And then I was like, I don't know, I tried to, I'm, I'm really emotional, you know this. And so I liked to, I was trying to be like, that's a trigger word for me, let me have a moment to take a deep breath, you know? And then the flowers came in and I said, gee, guess, looks like that deep breath ended.

• 15:12Speaker 04

  I think my preference would be that you take one day and then you get ahold of me. But if it takes a week and me sending flowers, I guess we can do that way as well.

• 15:20Speaker 03

  It won't always do that. You know that I was actively, was really, really busy too.

• 15:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:24Speaker 03

  That was the other thing. I wasn't, I, there was no part of me that was.

• 15:26Speaker 04

  And luckily, I have nothing going on.

• 15:28Speaker 03

  You're busy all the time too.

• 15:29Speaker 04

  So I can sit around and just wonder.

• 15:30Speaker 03

  There was nothing at all that was me every night, like, he called me crazy, how dare he, you know? It was much more that I was just like, we'll talk about this, and I wanted to be on a phone call, you know?

• 15:39Speaker 04

  I feel like sometimes when I have misalignments and misunderstandings with my girls, I feel like a straight guy in a rom-com.

• 15:46Speaker 03

  Totally, totally.

• 15:46Speaker 04

  Where I'm like, where I'm like, I didn't say you were crazy, I said, you sounded crazy. And to me, that is like, a massive difference, but I understand that if I were in your shoes, it wouldn't feel that way. But I'm just like, to me, I have a hard time sometimes being like, well, no, I meant like, the, the tone and the frenetics of the voice note sounded crazy. Not that you, in the real life situation, are legitimately out of touch with reality.

• 16:08Speaker 03

  It's also just a real thing that we have a ton of different types of close, like, close friends, like, really? And they all communicate different. So sometimes we really will, like, personally, I will be like, this is how I communicate with one person. All my morals and values are the same with all of them, but like, how you communicate can be a little bit different. So I agree that it was more of me having to be like, he doesn't mean that you're crazy, you know what I mean?

• 16:26Speaker 04

  Sometimes I feel like you guys all communicate the same, and then I'm the one who's different.

• 16:29Speaker 03

  Totally. No.

• 16:35Speaker 03

  I do think, I don't think that's true at all, but I do think that a lot of us, you have chosen to be friends with a lot of really, really soft queer women, and you.

• 16:43Speaker 04

  I didn't choose it, it really found me. I really don't know that I would choose it.

• 16:45Speaker 03

  You love them and you did choose. And then you of course have Chance and Doyle, who are like, you know, then all of a sudden, we're hanging out.

• 16:50Speaker 04

  They're softer than you guys are.

• 16:52Speaker 03

  They're soft, but then all of a sudden, you guys will be like, I don't know, like wrestling or whatever. Like, you don't wrestle, there's a vibe, not wrestle, not wrestle.

• 17:01Speaker 03

  I'm like, whenever I come in, Chance and Caleb are truly like, both, sorry, wrestling each other with the ground.

• 17:07Speaker 04

  They're like, throwing each other around. Every time I walk in on Chance and Caleb. No, Chance wishes.

• 17:12Speaker 03

  No, but there's like, there's a hard, like, you guys can say something that is biting and it doesn't mean, it's not personal. Like, where, if you said that to any of your softy girls, we'd be like, okay.

• 17:20Speaker 04

  Oh, don't worry, we've had growth.

• 17:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:23Speaker 04

  Me and the boys.

• 17:24Speaker 03

  It used to be different.

• 17:25Speaker 04

  Oh, we were nasty to each other in our early twenties. It was not cute, it was not funny, it was not lighthearted. We would, we would throw daggers at each other in a way that was like, why would you say the most hurtful thing you could possibly think of? We were mean to each other in our early twenties. I feel like me, Chance and Doyle specifically have been on a real journey of being like, we used to think it was funny to be mean to each other, and we really, thank God, grew out of that. Now it's like, little tiny fun digs.

• 17:51Speaker 03

  Well, I try to have a lot of, here's the thing, you're one of the fun, you are like, to me, like, the funniest person, and then.

• 17:56Speaker 04

  Completely true. Sorry, we just, make sure we get that clean into your camera.

• 17:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, cut it, clip it. Um, no.

• 18:00Speaker 04

  No, no, say it again, just clean, really clean directly to the camera.

• 18:02Speaker 03

  Oh, oh, breaking up.

• 18:06Speaker 03

  It's much more that, uh, I have had to think like, okay, uh, Caleb's like, career is this really, really huge thing that is like, making people laugh a huge way. And it's also, it's more than that, obviously, but you are making people laugh a lot, and I am really, really, really sensitive. And so I think being friends with comedians in general, I've had, I have had to check myself a lot when something comes up that is a really funny joke with like, a lot of our friends, to be like, does that piss me off and hurt my feelings, or is it funny enough that I'm not hurt at all?

• 18:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:34Speaker 03

  And I don't know, do you have that with jokes, or do you feel like a joke can't really get you in a painful way?

• 18:39Speaker 04

  Uh, I don't know.

• 18:43Speaker 03

  Do you ever have a comedian friend who they do one and you're like, that, you pushed it?

• 18:46Speaker 04

  I feel like, any time someone makes a joke about me, it's like, spot on. Do you know what I mean? Like, they nailed it. Like, I feel like, even if it's something, I, I'm not really sensitive about my shortcomings, you know what I mean?

• 18:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:56Speaker 04

  I know how I am. I know that I can be terse, I know that I want things my way, I know that I can be stubborn, like, so when someone makes a joke about that, I'm like, well, yeah, that's how I am.

• 19:04Speaker 03

  No, no, no, remember when I joked about your rigidness? And you were like, you were like, you're like, don't not be joking about my rigidness, cause I, I worked on that for you.

• 19:11Speaker 04

  No, that's not what happened. What happened was, that's what happened is, you said that I was, you said that I was rigid after I had, you said that I was rigid in a way like it was.

• 19:19Speaker 03

  You've been working on your rigidness, cause you told me you had been.

• 19:21Speaker 04

  You said that I was rigid and then I reminded you that I'd been working on it, is the way I remember it.

• 19:26Speaker 03

  I said harsh, and then you said, I've been working on my rigidness, and I thought that was a really cute way to say it, so then we were smoking.

• 19:30Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, you did say harsh, that's way worse. That's what it was. Is you called, you said I was harsh, and I said, I have been working on that for you.

• 19:37Speaker 03

  And they were smoking weed one day, and I said, I love you without your rigidness, and you go, do not be mocking the rigidness now.

• 19:44Speaker 03

  It's very sweet. I think both of us work on the things that, I don't know, we just really care about our friendship. It makes me feel happy.

• 19:49Speaker 04

  I care about your friendship more than anything.

• 19:51Speaker 03

  I care about your friendship so much. I have a question for you.

• 19:53Speaker 04

  Ask me now.

• 19:54Speaker 03

  Which is that-

• 19:54Speaker 04

  And it better be good.

• 19:56Speaker 03

  Fingers fucking crossed. Um, is that, do you feel like, cause as you know, like, I've, I've now learned, like, okay, you could be doing this for years and years and years and I, uh, like, I'm seeing the podcast and I love collaborating with you, but I am back, like, I have this weird thing with podcasts that you know, and it's been like rude when I've like said no in the past.

• 20:13Speaker 04

  I just want to be clear, I don't know that this can go on for years and years and years.

• 20:16Speaker 03

  Okay, well, I think it will. I think it will.

• 20:18Speaker 04

  I would love it. I hope everyone keeps listening. This is a dream to me.

• 20:20Speaker 03

  Literally, cut that diner girl shit. We love you to death.

• 20:22Speaker 04

  But the, yeah, yeah, cut the diner girl stuff. No, I legitimately don't know. I don't know how long this can last. It feels like very precarious to me for some reason, but I'm gonna be here until it stops.

• 20:32Speaker 03

  I'll say I believe that it will for a long time. And I really, really love it. And I am someone who like gets anxiety being on podcasts, but then I'm like, I love you so much and I also want to collaborate with you forever. So I'm like, okay, this is something that I want to continue to get better at too. And I'm curious, like, for me, I'm so vulnerable and say everything that comes to my mind, super open and honest, as you know, gets me in trouble both ways. Where is your line for what you, the rules of what you don't talk about on here? Do you make them at home? Or do you ever catch yourself being like, that was more vulnerable than I wanted to? Like, do you have like a hard rule of what is just yours?

• 21:08Speaker 04

  It's like a big balance. I feel like it's a constant balance. The reason I don't feel anxious about this is because we'll always edit, like, and I'm happy to say that, like, there are totally times we get into a conversation with a guest that we go for 10 minutes on something that I'm like, both of us were just either not compelling in that, or we were too vulnerable, or we said things that will be willfully misconstrued by morons on the internet. Like, there are plenty of times that I'm like, that was actually a really interesting conversation that I would love to have in public, but a lot of people are, um, looking for reasons to be upset and are frankly just not that smart.

• 21:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:39Speaker 04

  And so I'm happy to cut it. Like, I just, you can't trust a huge group of strangers to always give you the benefit of the doubt and treat you like you're a kind and loving and smart person who's trying your best.

• 21:50Speaker 03

  I know.

• 21:51Speaker 04

  So I, there's a, there's a balance between being a little bit tight with the things you don't wanna be super, super open about. I try not to use people's names when I tell stories. I try not to this, that and the other. And then there's also the fact that we just can edit, cause it's an edited thing.

• 22:04Speaker 03

  Okay. I love that. It's beautiful.

• 22:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:06Speaker 03

  I'm trying to come in in more of that open kind of way.

• 22:08Speaker 04

  And also, there's a part of it that's just making peace with the fact, I feel like the job of my like creative career over the last several years has been making peace with the fact that no matter what you do, people are going to lie about you and dislike you.

• 22:21Speaker 03

  I know.

• 22:21Speaker 04

  I have seen things about myself on the internet that are so far from reality. I've seen things, obviously the things that hurt more are the things that are closer to reality, like when people say things about me that I'm, you know, insecure about. But I see people say things about me all the time. When I wore the, um, ice out pen to the Devil's World premiere.

• 22:37Speaker 03

  And they flag that shit so fast. I saw it and then immediately it was taken down on all the apps and you were saying like really good stuff.

• 22:42Speaker 04

  What do you mean?

• 22:43Speaker 03

  When you like, when someone asked you about it?

• 22:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:45Speaker 03

  And you were literally just like, yeah, it sucks that we're obviously paying for people to like literally haunt immigrants. And then it was really immediately, it had like, I had saw like 100K likes and then I went back on. Instagram had taken it all off.

• 22:55Speaker 04

  Oh, interesting. I didn't notice. But I, there were, there were, I saw people, uh, in like a comment for that, cause that was one that I did read the comments on, cause I was like, I wonder how people are receiving that. Like, I know how I felt about it. I don't care. I made the choice. But there were like, there were like not a small number of comments of people being like, another out of touch celebrity who does nothing to help, but wears a pen and thinks they're doing something. And I'm like, that just, even if you hate me, isn't true. Like, that just is, I even say in the video that I don't think wearing a pen is doing something. I, there are so many demonstrable examples of other stuff that I do. And so you're just like unwilling to look into this. You just want something to complain about and you're a fucking moron.

• 23:39Speaker 03

  And I disagree. Because first off, you do a lot of stuff that is a lot, uh, larger than wearing a pen.

• 23:44Speaker 04

  Which is fine.

• 23:45Speaker 03

  No, no, totally. But I will say, it actually did do something because they wouldn't have asked you about ice and you wouldn't have talked about it if you weren't wearing the pen.

• 23:52Speaker 04

  And the videos of me talking about it got tens of millions of views.

• 23:55Speaker 03

  Right away.

• 23:55Speaker 04

  Was a part of a conversation. Like, it's not doing nothing, but it is also coupled with other stuff. But my whole point in this is not like, uh, great job, Caleb, pat on the back. I don't care about that. My point is just like, no matter what kind of person you are, if you exist in a public manner of any kind, and this applies down to even the smallest things, like even just like interpersonally in your life, if you don't have a public career, you can be the exact kind of person you wanna be nine days out of 10, your whole life, and there will still be people that catch you on the one day, or that just saw you on one of the good days and just decided that they didn't believe it. And it, you just can't worry about it.

• 24:31Speaker 03

  I know. I, I have, um, I'm just really, really impressed with how you handle it. And it's definitely my, uh, thing that I want to and will continue to work on with, like, I want, I don't wanna be on the internet that much, you know that, but I wanna do your podcast, cause I love you and I love this podcast. And so I want to be more okay, like, yeah, like, uh, when people getting, a bunch of people seeing you in one type of way, and then knowing like, on another day, I'm in a different mood. And just knowing like, no one will ever really, really know me except the people in my life, but this is still, exactly, who know me.

• 25:02Speaker 04

  Well, and beyond that, I think for all of us, like as human beings, like people who aren't, you know, fucking comedians or podcasters or whatever, like people listening to this who, you know, don't have like big followings on the internet or something, good, good for you.

• 25:12Speaker 03

  Most people, yeah, seriously, celebrate, celebrate.

• 25:14Speaker 04

  Celebrate, have fun with it.

• 25:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:17Speaker 04

  Um, I do love it. I love my job. I love my life. I'm so happy with it. But I think for all of us, like, the things that I think about all the time are like, when you ask like really old people, the things they regret, the two things they say are, I wish I would have worked less and I wish I would have cared less what other people thought. That's like the biggest examples of what they say. And I think just like living your life dictated by what people are going to say about you is just really miserable. You just shouldn't do that.

• 25:42Speaker 03

  I know.

• 25:42Speaker 04

  Just try to stay out of that as much as you can and be like, I'm just gonna do what I think is right. And I'm gonna be nice to people and live the life I wanna live around the people I wanna be around. And if there are people out there who don't like me for it, fuck them.

• 25:54Speaker 03

  Yeah. And that they'll never really know you. The people around you will really, really know you.

• 25:57Speaker 04

  And just fuck them. It doesn't matter. They're miserable. Like, people who sit around, like, uh, casting aspersions and, and being intentionally obtuse about people that they barely know in any context are just miserable, unimportant people. You just don't need to worry about what they think.

• 26:14Speaker 03

  I know.

• 26:14Speaker 04

  You gotta do your thing.

• 26:15Speaker 03

  I know. I felt like two things during that. When you were talking, first off, I said, God, some of the old people I know are so scary, cause they were not saying the right lessons. Um, really, some of the old people were like, you know, high school's your glory days. And I was like, that's not true.

• 26:26Speaker 04

  That was 80 years ago for you. Uh-oh.

• 26:28Speaker 03

  Super scary.

• 26:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:29Speaker 03

  And then also the thing that I really thought about was like, it makes me so sad that when people don't care or try at all to make the world a better place, like zero, zero, no one throws shade. For the most part, they don't get that much shade about that. Where I watch my friends who actually do actively try to like care the most and do like action-based care, not just like speaking out, which is still really important. Um, and they really do get the most hate. So I think it's one of those things of like, yeah, don't let it make you stop, you know?

• 26:57Speaker 04

  Yeah. When you choose a life of trying in any regard, then you're seen as somebody who's trying for something. And so then you're inherently vulnerable to the criticisms of people who know that you're trying something, as opposed to people who set up tension-free lives where nothing is expected of them.

• 27:11Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 27:11Speaker 04

  You can hit the mark every time when no one's expecting anything of you. You can always hit that mark.

• 27:15Speaker 03

  I love when people try. My favorite.

• 27:17Speaker 04

  I love trying. I think it's amazing.

• 27:19Speaker 03

  Me too.

• 27:19Speaker 04

  I love trying.

• 27:20Speaker 03

  I love trying too. And it was like, honestly, I feel like, did you struggle with some things with, or how are you with practice? Do you think you're good at practice?

• 27:27Speaker 04

  I'm bad at being bad at things.

• 27:29Speaker 03

  I feel like I-

• 27:29Speaker 04

  I'm really bad at being bad at things and I'm working on, it's a lifelong project for me.

• 27:33Speaker 03

  Same.

• 27:33Speaker 04

  I hate being bad at things. It's so annoying. It's like, what do you mean I'm bad at that?

• 27:36Speaker 03

  It's like, what do you, yeah, what are you fucking talking about? Let me do it. Let me do it right now. I know.

• 27:39Speaker 04

  I love it. And I wanna be good at things right away. I hate, it's really, really hard, but I try. I'm trying anyway.

• 27:45Speaker 03

  I'm, I'm gonna get a lot better at that too. I was really, really bad at practice and then it'd be like, okay, I guess I'm bad at that. And then I was just like-

• 27:50Speaker 04

  You feel like you're good at practice.

• 27:50Speaker 03

  I have been, it's, I could say for the, for the past four years, it's been something that I've like really, really been like, like I was bad at auditions. I was like, okay, you have to practice. You know, and then growing up, I wanted to play music, like instruments really, really badly. And my parents were like, you don't practice and Candace does. And so then they like, were like, we're not paying for lessons. And, but I would just like wanna go back to the lesson and be like, I did it again, you know?

• 28:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:10Speaker 03

  And I just think, uh, it always felt, yeah, practice felt really boring to me. And so I've had to learn a lot of ways to make it more exciting.

• 28:16Speaker 04

  Yeah. Practice is hard. But yeah, trying is beautiful and exciting and awesome.

• 28:21Speaker 03

  Trying's beautiful, exciting and awesome. Okay, wait, I got one for you. What's your favorite body of water? Say three reasons why.

• 28:26Speaker 04

  No, I'm gonna skip that. I'm gonna skip that. Cause I had one for you and I don't wanna answer that.

• 28:33Speaker 03

  Sorry.

• 28:35Speaker 04

  No, I'm not answering that.

• 28:37Speaker 03

  No.

• 28:37Speaker 04

  I have a question for you.

• 28:38Speaker 03

  You can try out. Just if someone asks you a question? No.

• 28:41Speaker 04

  No, I'm not doing that.

• 28:42Speaker 03

  Next. Let's see if I say yes or no. Let's find out.

• 28:44Speaker 04

  I'll think on the body of water, but before I answer that, I want you to think you know it's a leg.

• 28:47Speaker 03

  But I wanted to hear the three reasons why.

• 28:48Speaker 04

  I'm not a beach guy. Legs are better. But before I answer the water thing, I want to ask you, what do you think is the time that we've laughed the hardest together? Like, really laughed the hardest?

• 28:58Speaker 03

  Well, one is a story we, that is something that's also hard. It's like, there's so many that we can't say. One is that, one is that dude's name. Um, when we were with Devin Walker and we truly.

• 29:14Speaker 04

  We can find a way to tell this, though.

• 29:15Speaker 03

  We, there's just no way that it will be, it's not funny. We tried to do it once, I feel like. I feel like we tried to tell it once.

• 29:21Speaker 04

  Oh, my god!

• 29:22Speaker 03

  One was, yeah, one was.

• 29:23Speaker 04

  We laughed so fucking hard at that. This sucks if you're listening to this.

• 29:26Speaker 03

  I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

• 29:27Speaker 04

  The listeners, I'm so sorry.

• 29:28Speaker 03

  I know, that's not a good one.

• 29:29Speaker 04

  Basically, let me try to tell, it won't be funny to you guys, but I'm gonna try to let you in anyway because I know what we just did was so annoying.

• 29:34Speaker 03

  I know.

• 29:34Speaker 04

  We were hanging out with a bunch of comics and Holmes was basically saying that they were distressed because they felt like, you felt like you had wronged this person, this comic? You felt like you were on the bad side of this comic for some reason.

• 29:47Speaker 03

  There's so many, there's so many details I can't do, but basically it's just as someone that I, it was just someone that I really, really loved is close to someone who I thought was a loser.

• 29:57Speaker 04

  Yeah. And, and basically Holmes was like telling everyone at the table confidently, like, it just really sucks because like everybody knows this guy. And if we're on his bad side, like it would like really suck because everyone knows him. And literally then we're like, wait, who is it? And then Holmes said the name. It's a very funny name. And everyone at the table was like.

• 30:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, Chance was there and everyone at the table, everyone at the table was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Nobody's ever heard of this guy.

• 30:23Speaker 03

  It just set us.

• 30:24Speaker 04

  And then we just kept saying his name and laughing until we cried. I thought I was gonna throw up. We were laughing so hard.

• 30:28Speaker 03

  It just was one of those things that it was like, ah, it really was like one of those ones that didn't even deserve this big of a bust, but it did something to us that was so visceral. And those are my favorite types of busts.

• 30:38Speaker 04

  The person's name was really funny. And then we also, I think, started laughing because we were like, if there is a room somewhere where people are just repeating our name and laughing until they cry.

• 30:46Speaker 03

  It's the meanest thing that could ever happen.

• 30:48Speaker 04

  It's the meanest thing that could ever happen. But we weren't actually being mean to him. We were actually kind of being mean to you.

• 30:55Speaker 03

  Fully, fully, fully.

• 30:56Speaker 04

  Like, we were like, what are you talking about?

• 30:58Speaker 03

  Fully, fully.

• 30:58Speaker 04

  And then we were being mean to ourselves because we were like, oh, this is actually not even funny. The fact that we're still laughing is stupid.

• 31:04Speaker 03

  And then we just kept crying.

• 31:05Speaker 04

  But that's when you laugh the most is when you're like, this is dumb. Why are we doing this?

• 31:08Speaker 03

  I'm trying to think of like a physical one or whatever. What can you think of one? I mean, we bust all the time, but it's like, I, I do think it's.

• 31:14Speaker 04

  What is?

• 31:14Speaker 03

  That one was like where we were really, really sobbing.

• 31:17Speaker 04

  It's funny because I try to think of this sometimes in general. Like, I try to think like, what are the biggest laughs of my like last month or year or life?

• 31:23Speaker 03

  I remember after that, I looked around the table and I was like, because we really probably were 10 minutes, we're laughing, like we were in a lot of physical pain.

• 31:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:29Speaker 03

  And then I was like, how often do you guys get a laugh like this? And you were like, once a week.

• 31:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:35Speaker 03

  And I remembered being like, that's amazing because I have periods of life where I'm like, it's been a second. And I definitely think even more with adulthood, like our time in, uh, in high school and in also improv days, I was like, you know, crossing my legs to pee laughing like all the time, where then like things do get a little more stressful and you're a little bit more like, it's like, I still laugh all the time. And I think it's also that we're at comedy shit all the time. So like my whole relationship with laughter has changed with like what tickles it, you know?

• 31:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:59Speaker 03

  But so it has to be almost something that can be so surprising and like random as fuck that gets it to be so heightened, you know? Because we see like the funniest people talk all the time.

• 32:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:08Speaker 03

  So I'm laughing like ha ha a lot, but one where you're like sobbing, sobbing. My mom, growing up, one time my mom was driving, growing up, and I, so my mom pees her pants when she laughs really hard. Um, shout out, really cute, horrible. Um, and, uh, one time when I was growing up, I was sitting in the very back of our minivan and she put on the brakes, uh, too hard and I didn't have my seatbelt on and I flew forward and I hit my like face, like, it was like pretty scary actually, but in her rearview mirror, she just saw me flying. And she thought it was so funny. I was like fully hurt.

• 32:38Speaker 04

  I love your mom. I love your mom.

• 32:40Speaker 03

  Truly like, she started laughing so hard that she had to pull over because she was like, was gonna piss. And I was just like, truly like my eye was like shaking or whatever, you know what I mean? I mean, I was ultimately really okay and like I love her so much, but I just remember her pulling over like three times in my childhood to like pee laugh like that. And it was really, really like made my childhood a lot better.

• 32:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:58Speaker 03

  Was Kelly a big laugher?

• 32:59Speaker 04

  My mom, yeah, my mom's a big laugher. She just, I, I, my mom is kind of, she's not a hard laugh to get, but my mom is like very.

• 33:07Speaker 03

  Get a big one.

• 33:08Speaker 04

  She's discerning, yeah. She's like, she, my mom is a fun person, so she'll like giggle at anything, but to get like a crazy big laugh out of my mom, it takes a little work.

• 33:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:17Speaker 04

  It takes a little bit of work for sure.

• 33:19Speaker 03

  And that's why you're really good at it.

• 33:20Speaker 04

  Well, I think there's something to it, yeah. I think there's definitely something to that.

• 33:23Speaker 03

  There's something to it. Do you have, what was your last huge one that you had?

• 33:26Speaker 04

  My last huge laugh?

• 33:28Speaker 03

  This is fucked.

• 33:29Speaker 04

  I know. I can never remember them. This is the thing. I think about all, because I really do all the time have great, big, fun laughs. But I'm like, what is my most recent?

• 33:39Speaker 03

  It's that we're like, I'm holding them in a lot too, because it'll be like on a show or something. Like, I'll be like, try not to break or try not to, I don't know.

• 33:45Speaker 04

  I really don't know and I'm so sorry that I, like, I'm trying to think of more times with us even, we had, we had in Chicago, some really, really good ones around at what cost? When we were running that show.

• 33:58Speaker 03

  We cry laugh about shit all the time. It is like, I'm like, is it because we're so busy or because I'm like smoking weed that I'm like, then they come and go? I feel like though our biggest laughs always, our biggest busts are not from, I feel like they're actually not smart humor normally.

• 34:11Speaker 04

  No, they're never from something that matters.

• 34:12Speaker 03

  It'll be like a fucking noise or something. Wait, like that fucking gets me like, see, it will be, it will be like literally a noise or something fucking random like, oh my fucking god, I just thought of one.

• 34:22Speaker 04

  Hope it's a good one.

• 34:22Speaker 03

  Okay, wait, this is when I, so before I went to film season two of Overcome City, I stayed, uh, my, the sublet was up. And so I stayed at the Chelsea Hotel and, um.

• 34:31Speaker 04

  I remember this, this era.

• 34:32Speaker 03

  I stayed at the Chelsea Hotel for like a couple nights, which by the way, total, really, really, really fun and beautiful, really haunted bathroom for sure. Um, but, uh, it's, was Carly and you came over and then Metta, I believe, if that's not, I don't know. And then, uh, the three, we were all hanging out and then what had happened is, I, this is so expensive. Like, I don't have the money to pay for the, like, the hotel was so expensive. It was like truly like basically paying rent for a couple of days.

• 34:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:55Speaker 03

  And, uh, I had, earlier in the day, when I just had Carly in and we were just chatting, a neighbor came over and she was like, she literally looked like a queen or something, like she was like a 107 and she was like, being loud, you know? And I was like, I'm just talking to a friend and like I paid like a thousand dollars to do this, you know? And so I was like, okay. And that was just us talking earlier in the day. But then we all like smoke weed and hang out like later in the night. It's like 3 a.m. and we come back into my place and I'm like, you guys, we have to kind of whisper because she had got mad at me at like 3 p.m., right? And then I forget how it came to it, but somehow we started talking about playing trumpet and we all started picturing if all of a sudden like

• 35:33Speaker 03

  we're already whispering and being kind of noisy or whatever and she's whatever, if that, and we know she's over there. We've been like laughing for like an hour and we know she's already in bed, sort of like, hmm, you know, wanting to come over. And then I brought up, I was like, I just pulled, like, if we out of, after everything, after everything, I start playing a fucking trumpet. And then it got us so much.

• 35:53Speaker 04

  We were smoking, of course.

• 35:54Speaker 03

  But then we were sobbing because it was like, we already knew she was at her like last. She was just in bed waiting to come. And then we cried.

• 35:59Speaker 04

  And then I think we did like a seven minute riff on like what else we could do in the room to make our ways.

• 36:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was trumpet vibes.

• 36:05Speaker 04

  Yeah. And of course, but the whole time we're like whispering.

• 36:07Speaker 03

  We were whispering, yeah. But that was a really, really special night.

• 36:09Speaker 04

  That was a really special night and a really good one.

• 36:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, really.

• 36:12Speaker 04

  A really, really good one. I didn't get you to bike on that during that time, but I got you to bike.

• 36:15Speaker 03

  He has been getting me to bike a lot and I really need to get a helmet, like really, really bad. I don't want to die by bike. You've had a thing where you're just like, I could die anytime now, so let's just go.

• 36:22Speaker 04

  I'm not gonna live my life doing, doing, I'm not gonna live my life in any way where I'm like, this could kill me. It's like, anything could kill you. That's a miserable life. I'm gonna have fun and enjoy myself. And when I go, god, I wonder what happens, but I'm not gonna worry about that.

• 36:37Speaker 03

  I know. I've been really reading stories lately where they're like, the people who die for like three seconds or whatever and someone comes in like.

• 36:42Speaker 04

  What have you found?

• 36:43Speaker 03

  Well, I found that a lot of kids apparently like when, like someone.

• 36:46Speaker 04

  Oh, I'm so fucking tired of this.

• 36:47Speaker 03

  Okay, good.

• 36:47Speaker 04

  I'm so fucking tired of this. I'm so fucking tired about hearing about kids' connection to the afterlife. I think they're just kind of dumb.

• 36:54Speaker 03

  Their, their hands will apparently raise to something or they'll be like, I'm coming.

• 36:58Speaker 04

  What?

• 36:59Speaker 03

  But I think these, I think they'll say stuff. They'll like say stuff out loud.

• 37:01Speaker 04

  Sorry, yeah. What stories have you heard?

• 37:02Speaker 03

  I mean, this is just me like, you know.

• 37:04Speaker 04

  Just their hands raise up? That tells me nothing.

• 37:06Speaker 03

  I, it says that maybe something's happy. I mean, if it was bad, you'd probably be like, right? You'd probably be like, I don't want.

• 37:12Speaker 04

  That's actually a great point.

• 37:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, like the fact that they're like, that's kind of like sweet, you know?

• 37:16Speaker 04

  That's actually a really great point.

• 37:16Speaker 03

  I don't hate that. I don't hate that at all.

• 37:18Speaker 04

  Or they're inherently evil and the devil comforts them.

• 37:20Speaker 03

  Yeah. And that could be so real too. I mean, if God is what we were taught, the devil will comfort me as well. If God is what we were.

• 37:30Speaker 03

  If God is like, if God is like, don't be gay, all this kind of stuff. I thought about it a lot when I was like, because I had my friend like recommitted his life to God and stuff like that, you know, after he came out in high school. It was like a really hard, like I, I just really, really thought a lot about like, okay, if this is the actual afterlife and like God doesn't like gay people and like, doesn't like us like having fun and pleasure, we'll probably meet and we won't vibe.

• 37:48Speaker 04

  Could you imagine? That just feels, I guess it's totally possible, but it just feels like.

• 37:51Speaker 03

  I don't think it's possible at all.

• 37:52Speaker 04

  What a wild thing. That's cra, I really am like, sometimes I think about what if Christian God is real and he really does hate gay people and I really did fuck up by doing the whole gay thing?

• 38:03Speaker 03

  Yeah. And then you have to submit, so I guess we won't get along.

• 38:05Speaker 04

  It is cra, not, well, we not get along, I'll be in the fiery lakes of hell, but like, also I'm just like.

• 38:10Speaker 03

  Fiery lakes.

• 38:11Speaker 04

  I'm just like, that's crazy that I really did trade in eternal bliss for like 50 years of hot sex.

• 38:21Speaker 03

  Worth it?

• 38:22Speaker 04

  That is crazy. Not worth it at all.

• 38:24Speaker 03

  Yes, it is.

• 38:25Speaker 04

  Half the time I regret it when it's over.

• 38:30Speaker 04

  Comedy royalty Kate McKinnon returns as Queen Mortuana in Heads Will Roll. Era Parent, the highly anticipated sequel to Audible's fan favorite original comedy series. She's flanked once more by co-star Emily Lynn and a new star-studded ensemble including Richard Kind, Laurie Metcalf, Jimmy Fallon, Megan Mullally, Sam Richardson, and Carrie Coon, plus an extensive cast of other comedy greats. Queen Mo is back on the throne in Era Parent and facing her greatest challenge yet. Produce in air before her 40th birthday or lose everything and spend eternity eternity as Keeper of the Menstruary. Part medieval mayhem, part razor-sharp social commentary, Heads Will Roll Era Parent is a fantasy comedy for the ages. It has everything. Trad wives, polio-cules, Sasquatch mercenaries,

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• 42:52Speaker 03

  I just think I believe so extremely that there's no way, because I actually do feel more spiritual. I'm a lot more spiritual than I used to be.

• 42:58Speaker 04

  You are.

• 42:58Speaker 03

  Yeah. And it really, I actually feel like I get like little, I feel like people who have died, I feel their energy sometimes. I feel energy from trees. I feel, the other day, I was telling you and Ada, I know, I know how you feel about it, but I was telling you and Ada the other day, I was like, I need to start carrying Neosporin on me. And then the next day, because I

• 43:14Speaker 00

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• 44:26Speaker 03

  It was like, sometimes people just have like a cut or whatever, that gets way worse than it has to you because they're unhoused or whatever. And I like, instead of just getting food.

• 44:32Speaker 04

  You did tell us about this.

• 44:33Speaker 03

  And I was saying that, and then the next day, this guy goes on the train, he starts screaming, crying at all of us. He, the only medicine he says, he's like, I just need some Neosporin. I said, now that has to be a little

• 44:43Speaker 04

  Did you have some on you?

• 44:44Speaker 03

  No.

• 44:44Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 44:45Speaker 03

  So that felt horrible. But you know what I did do? It's in my bag now. I went and bought some right after that. Because I was like, that was me re-roasted. And sometimes I wonder if that's like a friend who died.

• 44:52Speaker 04

  Cold comfort for that guy, I'm sure, but

• 44:53Speaker 03

  Well, I felt horrible. I wish I could find him.

• 44:55Speaker 04

  Nice that you can help the next victim.

• 44:56Speaker 03

  No, I know. Of course, I felt horrible. I like, I was like tearing up, you know what I mean? And I was like, well, but I was like, I was like

• 45:00Speaker 04

  I was just playing.

• 45:02Speaker 03

  Well, because it fucking, it's insane that we've gotten to a place in society that someone can be screaming, crying for help, and that all of us are like, if I helped every single person who did that, there would be no part of the day left.

• 45:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:11Speaker 03

  It's like, that's fucking insane.

• 45:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't know. There's just so many things to try and fix, you know?

• 45:17Speaker 03

  No, totally. If you really stopped all day long. I helped this woman cross the street the other day. It took us about 30 minutes to get across.

• 45:22Speaker 04

  You told me about this. And then she needed to get back across, and you let someone else do it.

• 45:25Speaker 03

  I said, we pass it forward.

• 45:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, we pay it, we pay it forward.

• 45:27Speaker 03

  We pay it forward.

• 45:28Speaker 04

  We pass it on. What happens when we die, do you think? Heaven, hell?

• 45:31Speaker 03

  I think that we, I don't have an answer for it, but I just think that it will be like, nice.

• 45:36Speaker 04

  Where are you at with God right now?

• 45:38Speaker 03

  I wish that he wasn't so tied to, I, look how I did that. I wish that God was not so tied to a he, because in my brain, it is that I do think I, I believe in an energy that is like a spiritual thing now, but I, the word God still flags for me. I think it's because so many of my friends have deeper trauma with it than I do. So like, the other day, I said something like, I was like, God really knew what he was doing when he like made you to, to like, that sounds crazy what I just said. But I said that to two of my queer girlfriends, and you could tell they were like, like, they hated it. And they were like, and I was like, oh, I try, I guess I was having more of a spiritual thing of like, thank God the universe sent you guys to me. But my friend was like, yeah, he just like ruined my whole upbringing. And I was like, totally 100%, you know? But I

• 46:15Speaker 04

  Annoying response from them, by the way. Like, yeah, we all have trauma. Be nice.

• 46:20Speaker 03

  Right. So I think that I believe in this large energy. I really, really do. I believe in the universe's energy. And I don't think it's doing all good, but I do think it's really trying to get us to, really, in a big way. We talked, we talked about this the other night, if you think all people are inherently good or bad. And I thought that was really interesting, how we kind of ended up agreeing at the end, is that we thought they were inherently good, but then right away, they're like basically taught to be bad.

• 46:45Speaker 04

  Immediately corrupted by a world that is, has removed itself very, very intentionally and distantly from the way we're supposed to be living.

• 46:54Speaker 03

  Where are you with God?

• 46:55Speaker 04

  Uh, I'm like on a journey again. I feel like I go through periods where I don't think about it at all, and I'm like, probably not. And then I go through periods where I'm like, I really should get to the bottom of that at some point. Right now, I'm on a journey with it again. I've been on a journey with heaven, which I talked about on here recently, or depends on what order the episodes come out in. Um, God.

• 47:15Speaker 03

  You are with heaven versus like you think people go to different places. I think we actually all go back to like one.

• 47:19Speaker 04

  No, that's kind of what I've been experimenting with, but I've I've been I've been wondering if maybe we don't all go to a good place. Like, we all go to heaven and then our experiences in heaven are different based on internal, internal experiences. Really, I think so much about life on earth, our external circumstances can be so bad and we can still be internally happy and our external circumstances can be so good and we can be internally miserable. So what that tells me about our conditions as souls is that our internal feelings are not necessarily dictated by our external experiences. And so even if we all went to a good place that had ideal external conditions, we might be having different internal experiences of that um time and place.

• 48:04Speaker 03

  That's really, really interesting because it's like, yeah, yeah.

• 48:07Speaker 04

  So I wonder if it isn't like we all go to a good place and people who were evil have a miserable experience anyway because of the realization of what they did on with their time on earth. That like you only get to enjoy the love and empathy and warmth in the afterlife that you created with your time here. And in the case of like, you know, a baby or something that it was only here for a year or whatever, like that that would that they would be as happy as they were, you know what I'm saying? Like that would all that would all net out for me. God, I would like to believe that there's some some force. I think there is a force and a power that leads us towards good, yes. I don't know why it would be a person with a gender and a language and none of that makes sense to me.

• 48:50Speaker 03

  No, I don't think the gender, I don't think the person at all, zero, zero, zero. And I also think I have no fucking idea, but I really don't think it's that one. And I think most of the time I just try to think about like, what are we going to do while we're here? And like, how do I really, really make them? I this is what I do believe in. I do believe like I'm here, I believe like that we can affect people here and I have it makes me really sad when people live all of here for a time that we don't know about. That makes me sad because I'm just like, we do know a lot right now. We know so much. I'm like finally finishing Sapiens. It's taken me like probably 70 years because it's only all facts. And I've been listening, so I finally ordered it so I can like read it at the same time. And it just like does give me hope to be like, okay, the scientific revolution, when that happened for like 2000 years before that,

• 49:31Speaker 03

  everyone was like, this is kind of how things are going to be because it was the same for like 2000 years, basically, like how humans were doing everything. And then the scientific revolution happened and like everything changed massively after 2000 years. And I'm like, we know so much now, like we know so much. And I'm like, we can make stuff so much better still. And so for me, I think my focus, like I, the only time it goes to more afterlife is sometimes when I feel like a weird energy thing where I like, then I will be like, hmm, that's interesting and weird. But for the most part, I think the energy that I think about is just like, yeah, trying to be right around me and what can we do right now?

• 50:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:09Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 50:10Speaker 04

  What do you think is the biggest thing you need to learn right now?

• 50:14Speaker 03

  Spanish always.

• 50:18Speaker 04

  I feel like you've been really on your Spanish, though. Are you not learning?

• 50:20Speaker 03

  I do learn it, but I mean, I mean, I also think I need to I think that what I am learning is Spanish always. And then also uh to always try even when I fuck up, always, always, always. Because sometimes I do like uh, sometimes I just get really, I do get affected and wiped out in a way of like, oh, it's really hard that when you try, you can mess up and fail. And I want to like, yeah, just keep straight. I want to never stop trying new ways to make things better. Like with AI, so AI right now, it's really interesting. All the people who, not all the people, a lot of people who were telling me this is like hating it to the extent that I do. And he is in such an extreme world, like I don't hate these, if these are sentient robots or whatever, I hate you.

• 51:04Speaker 03

  I just really don't want you part of our world right now. It's making things really bad. And like literally like a family friend right now, like her electricity bill is like basically like she has to move out because of a data center that got built by her. We know it's like killing it, like turning all the water brown. We know all these things. And a few of my friends who used to be really against it have been now like, well, it's just like a bipartisan issue, like not a bipartisan issue anymore. And like I've been like, I've just started to be like, well, if it's gonna be around, like it is here. Like I was just talking to someone last night, well, now it's here. So like, even if I can just use it like a little bit in this way, or like I'm making this art piece that like really like makes us think about what it is, but I'm using it to make it. And it is starting to make me feel like, am I just like this cranky grandpa now? And it's like, but then I'm like, I really don't want all these people to move out of their fucking houses that are already

• 51:48Speaker 03

  like oftentimes people who are more poor, you know what I mean? And it's like, uh, I really, really think it's so bad for us. And I really think the solution is not that we have to be like, AI is here forever now. I really believe that. And so that's the thing I'd like to get better at is convincing people to not, to really be like, we don't have to do this at all.

• 52:05Speaker 04

  I also think there's a big difference between, look,

• 52:10Speaker 04

  somebody who can't afford to go to the doctor using chat GPT to figure out what's going on with their symptoms. Yeah, there's a difference between that and using it to make art. If you are somebody who's using chat GPT to generate videos, images, art, to generate text in an artistic capacity to write for you, you are not somebody who deserves to be taken seriously. That's just, that's just how I feel about it. And people can do all of the hemming and hawing and hedging that they want to do about like, well, that's how people talked about the radio and the computer and like, look how silly they look now. I don't care. I'm happy. If I look silly in 70 years because I said you're a brain dead fucking loser for making art with AI, that's fine. I'll just be somebody who looks silly in 70 years. I really don't have a problem with that.

• 52:52Speaker 04

  I'd be happy to be somebody who tried to have an ounce of fucking integrity.

• 52:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:57Speaker 04

  And for everyone in 70 years to think that I'm stupid. That is completely fine with me. It's you are not a serious person. You don't deserve to be taken seriously.

• 53:06Speaker 03

  And I've said this to you, like off this before, off the podcast where it's like, I just wish, because I'll say the data center thing to some people about like how like a lot of people in Texas water was like all going brown and stuff, which I know is still happening. That was like six months ago when I saw that. Is like some people say that and they don't know what it's doing to water. Like some people don't know. And I, I wish that it, I wish how like Google just uses it now or whatever. I use DuckDuckGo for my phone, but my computer still, I'm doing minus AI, whatever on Google. I wish so badly it like people could see the violence. Like I wish there was like of, you know, like I have a cigarette package has like, this is what your lungs will look like. Or like you can't fuck or whatever. I wish it was like, you know what I mean? Like every time you're just Google searching something and this just happens, actually like this person was gonna get out of their house.

• 53:47Speaker 03

  Because I think a lot of people, if they knew how violent it was, would never use it. But they don't, I think a lot of people actually are just so busy in their day to day life. And it's like this search engine I use my whole life is now changed to doing this.

• 54:00Speaker 04

  You also just don't need more ways to waste your time. Time is already so

• 54:04Speaker 03

  Stolen.

• 54:05Speaker 04

  Stolen and like wasted. You don't, you actually don't need to spend any amount of time for an image, a, a, an, an image of you in Sicily, like riding a surfboard.

• 54:18Speaker 03

  I know.

• 54:18Speaker 04

  And the waves are gold coins or whatever the fuck like. Whatever it is you're making on there, you have wasted your time, you've wasted water, you have.

• 54:28Speaker 03

  Pay your goofy ass friend to draw it.

• 54:29Speaker 04

  Pay your goofy friend to draw it or don't have it. You don't need it. It doesn't make any sense.

• 54:33Speaker 03

  Look, it sounds like a cool photo. No, I do think it's like, yeah.

• 54:37Speaker 04

  Moms on Facebook, yeah. It's just really silly to me, especially young, intelligent, creative people being like, actually, I'm gonna make an art piece that asks us to shut up.

• 54:46Speaker 03

  I have so much empathy for the people who don't understand how bad it is right now. Like I'm, I just got back to New York. I've been in Canada for four months. And I see like on the trains that's I'm like, oh my God, since I got back, like every ad on the train is for this. Like I was like, they really are like shoveling it down. But yes, I agree. I'm like, right now, I'm like, we need to protect our attention and our time in a way that is like really, really sacred. And it definitely shouldn't be like getting to know a robot that doesn't know as much as your friend.

• 55:13Speaker 04

  Talking to it, yeah, I mean, that's another.

• 55:15Speaker 03

  Talking to it is, that one I judge probably the most.

• 55:18Speaker 04

  Man, I am so okay to be an idiot in 70 years. If talking to it is considered be cool.

• 55:24Speaker 03

  I know.

• 55:24Speaker 04

  I cannot believe talking to it is nuts.

• 55:26Speaker 03

  Talking to it makes me, talking to it makes me feel really, really, really mad when they're like, yeah, like getting to know her. Yeah, it's like, first off, she's not her. Second off, you don't know.

• 55:34Speaker 04

  Well, they're all girls to me. AI is all girls to me. God is a boy and AI is girls.

• 55:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, God is a boy and AI is girls.

• 55:41Speaker 04

  Because it's got all the answers.

• 55:42Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 55:43Speaker 04

  I'm a feminist. I'm an AI feminist.

• 55:45Speaker 03

  See, I saw it the other way totally. They're stuck in a prison. They can never move their body. They have no ownership over it.

• 55:50Speaker 04

  What'd you say?

• 55:50Speaker 03

  They have no ownership over their body. They're stuck inside, yet still people will fuck them.

• 55:57Speaker 03

  It's sad. Anna told it. I wanted it to be clear. Anna told it in her laugh. That would have been a big bust.

• 56:05Speaker 03

  But in this one, we'll say both are non-binary, okay? God and AI.

• 56:09Speaker 04

  I'm not doing that.

• 56:11Speaker 03

  They're all non-binary.

• 56:12Speaker 04

  I'm not doing that.

• 56:12Speaker 03

  And for all the people on non-binary.

• 56:13Speaker 04

  What's going on with your gender?

• 56:14Speaker 03

  Awesome question. Let's get into it. I'm like, I'm like, do we got time? Drum roll!

• 56:19Speaker 04

  You're like, awesome question.

• 56:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, I'm like, I'm like, awesome question. I'm like, I'm like.

• 56:25Speaker 03

  Um, no, what's going on with my gender is that I feel non-binary, but I'm completely good with, uh, she or they pronouns. I'm really good with she. I feel close to girlhood in the sense that we experienced the same trauma growing up. So I feel very close to it and I'm seen as girl a lot. The other day, someone from the back was like, sir. And I turned around and they're like, sorry. And I was like, thanks. It meant the world.

• 56:44Speaker 04

  Whoa.

• 56:45Speaker 03

  Um, but.

• 56:46Speaker 04

  I didn't know that was part of your gender journey.

• 56:48Speaker 03

  Well, you asked and now you.

• 56:49Speaker 04

  No, I'm excited. I didn't know that you would ever feel flattered by sir. I actually loved learning that about you.

• 56:53Speaker 03

  I don't want, like a he/him. I don't feel, but I do like, uh, yeah, I did feel flattered by it. I think, but what I will say is that I think that, um, everyone's like taking back non-binary. Everyone's like, oh, people are taking it back because it got not trendy anymore. And it's like, it's not that it stopped being trendy. It's that our government put out literal like statements saying that it's gonna be, that it is illegal.

• 57:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:15Speaker 03

  Like the Limkin Institute of Genocide, it's like, there's like a trans genocide, like I think third flag warning for trans genocides. And in all that fine print, of course, trans people are under so much more, are in so much more danger than a non-binary person who looks, can pass as someone's sis. You know what I mean?

• 57:31Speaker 04

  Completely.

• 57:31Speaker 03

  A hundred percent. So that's why I would never take up space in that. But if you read all the fine prints of all this stuff, it says, "non-binary", which is funny because our government's like admitting non-binary is real. They're like, they're like, "we will catch all the non-binary fakers." It's like, wait. So I do think that it is like, oh, people are going back on this thing, not only because all of you started making fun of it a bunch, but also because our government is attacking it. So, um, all this to be said, I do wish that my gender could be something that was more for me and the people I know. To really, you know what I mean? To care about, because it doesn't feel very important to me in a sense of like, I need to talk about it with hundreds of thousands of people, you know? But it does feel like, I feel sad that the youth who got, had this moment in pandemic and stuff,

• 58:14Speaker 03

  where they were getting to know their body more, a lot of people, and were like, oh, I do feel non-binary. And this has been a thing for like thousands of years, like a third gender. And I, I'm noticing this because I'm not be under the gaze of, uh, a really patriarchal, dominant society for a second. I'm understanding this and that a lot of them did feel like, I have to take this back. Because not only is it being teased a lot, it's being like truly like put in danger by our government.

• 58:39Speaker 04

  Yeah. I think there's just boys and girls.

• 58:46Speaker 03

  You're like, not even men and women, okay?

• 58:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 58:48Speaker 03

  Boys and girls.

• 58:49Speaker 04

  I think there's just boys and girls. No, it is funny that the conservatives' big thing is that they're mad at specifically trans men and trans women. When it's like, they're picking, like they're actually falling into the system you guys love. You should be the most mad at non-binary. Your anger doesn't even make sense. You're not even like good at this.

• 59:04Speaker 03

  No, they're not good at it at all. And I just want to say, uh, yeah, if you're like experimenting with your gender, I hope. And if people around you make fun of it all the time, like get better friends.

• 59:14Speaker 04

  You're experimenting with your gender. We love you.

• 59:16Speaker 03

  We love you so.

• 59:17Speaker 04

  And we think you could be.

• 59:18Speaker 03

  What about you?

• 59:18Speaker 04

  They, she, he.

• 59:20Speaker 03

  You've always been a hard he/him.

• 59:21Speaker 04

  I am. I, I really, I feel very connected to boy. I've said this many times.

• 59:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:26Speaker 04

  But I feel, um, I just love trans people. I think trans people are so cool and interesting and brave and awesome.

• 59:35Speaker 03

  Well, we have like no rights without them.

• 59:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, I also just love, I think, I, I, one of the things I find the most confounding about the anti-trans shit. There are so many.

• 59:44Speaker 03

  So evil.

• 59:45Speaker 04

  That I'm like, it's incredibly evil. It's incredibly nosey. Mind your own business. Why do you fucking care?

• 59:50Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 59:50Speaker 04

  I just find it so bizarre for a million reasons. But one of the things I find the most confounding about, uh, transphobia is this idea. And I, it's not that I don't know where it comes from, but the idea that trans people are, um, like woke skulls. Most trans, there's a very small minority of queer and trans people that are, uh, unforgiving, unrepentant, like petty and militant. That is totally, every group has their, their portions of that. And they have reasons for being that way.

• 1:00:25Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:00:26Speaker 04

  But most trans people I've ever met are just like, eh, if you kind of try, I don't really care.

• 1:00:30Speaker 03

  That's a one.

• 1:00:31Speaker 04

  If you're just like trying or nice to me, I'm really not worried about it.

• 1:00:33Speaker 03

  1,000%. I think that's why it makes me so fucking mad. Yeah. When people like really, really are like, oh, you know, coming to me with your hard rules. It's like, I don't, no one cares if you, I don't want you to acknowledge me at all. Like, I feel like a lot of trans people are like, don't even talk to me.

• 1:00:44Speaker 04

  I just feel like it's so wild that so many moderate Republicans I have known in my life are able to see that the psycho furthest right, like alt-right Nazi right-wing intense militant people are not representative of their whole, can't see how that applies to other groups. They can't see how most trans people are not the like craziest, loudest, maddest, angriest trans people they've ever, like, every group has extremes and poles and ends, but most people across every group are just like regular people that want to be left alone and get by. That's like true of most people across groups.

• 1:01:19Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:01:20Speaker 04

  And the fact that they're not able to see that just is so confusing to me.

• 1:01:23Speaker 03

  And that like you guys are really more obsessed with trans people than really, really anyone else at all. I think that makes me, I think the thing that like makes me the most upset is that I'm like, it's just such a small part of the population. And when I do, I mean, before I went to Canada, you were getting like texts from me in like a kind of intense state because I was like, I, because I mean, we know in Kansas, they took away trans people's rights to have a license.

• 1:01:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:43Speaker 03

  Um, and it's like, okay, this is such a small population and it feels like I just, I, I think the queer community does a good job standing up for each other. I just wish that it could be even, I just wish it could be, we could be even louder all the time about like, uh, that's something I'd like to get better at. Is like figuring out how the fuck to protect all of my trans like siblings all the time. Like, just like the trans people in my life, because it.

• 1:02:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, you've been doing a really bad job of it.

• 1:02:09Speaker 03

  Thank you. Um, I don't have enough money to like pay for, like, it's like, it's like, there, there's so many layers of it. It's like, they're oppressed in the workplace. They're not hired for being trans all the time. Like, it's like, and we had friends who had to come out as trans in Kansas who weren't out before. You know what I mean? Like, it's like, which I don't know, we, if we cut or not, we're not seeing names, but it's like, because of just like, am I gonna lose my job now that I can't have a license?

• 1:02:29Speaker 04

  Holmes loves you guys.

• 1:02:30Speaker 03

  Caleb thinks about it.

• 1:02:32Speaker 04

  No, I love you guys.

• 1:02:33Speaker 03

  I love you guys big.

• 1:02:34Speaker 04

  I'm always going back and forth between whether or not I want to be earnest or tell jokes.

• 1:02:37Speaker 03

  I, I, I, uh, am probably the person on here who comes and does, like, does the least amount of jokes. I'm not very good at doing jokes on here. Sorry.

• 1:02:45Speaker 04

  You're not the person who does the least jokes, but I, you definitely, when you and I get together, we can get into our serious bag pretty quick.

• 1:02:51Speaker 03

  Do you wish that I came with more jokes?

• 1:02:53Speaker 04

  Of course not.

• 1:02:53Speaker 03

  Okay. I think that it's one of those things where.

• 1:02:56Speaker 04

  I have never been obsessed, by the way, just to say, I have said this many times on the podcast, I've never been obsessed with the idea of this being a comedy podcast.

• 1:03:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:04Speaker 04

  This, I, I think it's most of the time funny. I have a great time. But I don't really care if we have, sometimes guests come in and they bring like a really thoughtful, reflective energy. Sometimes I come in and I'm not capable of being silly. Like, this just, you, we're just people and we're talking and like, it's gonna be whatever it's gonna be.

• 1:03:21Speaker 03

  We talk about, we talked about this the other day, I feel like, but, uh, how it feels like if you're a comedian or a funny person and someone sees you not being funny or sees you being earnest, they're like, not funny. And it's like, oh, like comedians aren't funny all the time. That would be a psychopath.

• 1:03:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:03:36Speaker 03

  You know, it's, I, it feels important to me to, I don't know, yeah, have earnest conversation. It, we're, I was reading all my childhood diaries. You guys got that insane text from me. And, because my mom literally put into my storage unit without telling me, the childhood memory boxes that she no longer wanted of mine. So then they showed up at my house. Um, she was like, we don't have space. I love her so much. Shout out Kath. And I went through a diary I had never gone through and I was like, I thought I would sound, uh, stupid. And I was like, oh, the main difference of, is that I just sound really earnest. And I was like, as kids, we're like so earnest. And I do think growing up, it is kind of like, that is a main thing that gets sort of put aside, especially for comedians.

• 1:04:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, play gets put aside a lot. Uh, but no, I think, yeah, I, I've never, I've never, um, been obsessed with this being any one thing in particular. I don't care. I don't want it to be, um, this show is whatever I want it to be. And that feels great to me.

• 1:04:29Speaker 03

  Shout out.

• 1:04:30Speaker 04

  Shout out.

• 1:04:31Speaker 03

  Something funny that did happen to me was, did I tell you when I got a flower for my date the other day? And then she started wrapping it with paper that said, "love you"?

• 1:04:38Speaker 04

  What?

• 1:04:38Speaker 03

  I, I was going on a date the other day and I was like, uh, she, she was like running a little bit late. So I was like, I'll pick up a flower. So I went to like a store and I got a flower and there was a language barrier and she started wrapping, uh, it with like wrapping paper and it said, "love you", but it was a first date. And I was like, "not there yet."

• 1:04:53Speaker 04

  Nunka, not, not a, not a, no.

• 1:04:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, I was like.

• 1:04:56Speaker 04

  No, como si dijese, "no, no."

• 1:04:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, I was like, yeah, yeah. I was like, como si dijese, "not there yet." Um, and then she, uh.

• 1:05:03Speaker 04

  Como si dijese, "nueva".

• 1:05:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:05Speaker 04

  Nueva relationship.

• 1:05:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. And then she like rewrapped it in a plain paper, but I was like, not me coming for a first date. I love you.

• 1:05:13Speaker 04

  I love you, Fl. Here's your, I love you flower. Taking a flower to a first date is kind of funny.

• 1:05:18Speaker 03

  I know. That was kind of trying on boy. That was kind of cute.

• 1:05:21Speaker 04

  Boys don't do that.

• 1:05:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, come on.

• 1:05:23Speaker 04

  Boys don't do that. Not anymore. You don't understand the state of our men and boys.

• 1:05:27Speaker 03

  I fart on them right away.

• 1:05:28Speaker 04

  And Holmes.

• 1:05:31Speaker 03

  Chance is like, sometimes I open the door, rip bass on that girl.

• 1:05:33Speaker 04

  Don't make Chance like that.

• 1:05:34Speaker 03

  Okay, I'm sorry. He said, I thought, what do you think flower is? Girl or gentleman? I thought it was kind of gentleman.

• 1:05:39Speaker 04

  Boys don't behave that way anymore. We've, men and boys have totally lost their touch.

• 1:05:42Speaker 03

  I did my huge shirt. I do a curtsy. Your flower.

• 1:05:45Speaker 04

  Madame?

• 1:05:46Speaker 03

  Miss?

• 1:05:47Speaker 04

  It says, "I love you" all over the flower.

• 1:05:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, it says, I'm like, I'm like, you're stuck with me. She's like, holy fucking shit.

• 1:05:52Speaker 04

  You propose. I've started be, I'm at a point in dating where I'm just being really, really upfront about everything.

• 1:05:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:59Speaker 04

  I was messaging a guy the other day. We, we matched, we, my first message him after matching was, "let's not mess around. What are your red flags"?

• 1:06:06Speaker 03

  What'd he say?

• 1:06:07Speaker 04

  He was great. He told me his red flags.

• 1:06:08Speaker 03

  Were they scary?

• 1:06:10Speaker 04

  No, he hedged a little bit and I said that. He, he, he was like, he was like, I'm, I kind of like, he was like, he was like, I'm opinionated and loud. And I was like, you hedge. Tell me the real ones.

• 1:06:19Speaker 03

  Oh, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, I'm hysterical to a fault.

• 1:06:25Speaker 04

  He was like, he was like, what are yours? I was like, I'm really scared of commitment. He was like, he was like, good to know, good to know. I don't know if we'll go on a date or not.

• 1:06:31Speaker 03

  You have to go on a date now.

• 1:06:32Speaker 04

  I'm just like, I can't, I have no more time to play games. I'm like, what?

• 1:06:35Speaker 03

  You're ready for kids. You have to get the kids soon.

• 1:06:37Speaker 04

  I'm not ready for kids right this moment. I'm not ready for kids right this moment. You need to be ready for kids when I am, because you're gonna be the one doing it.

• 1:06:43Speaker 03

  I'll be a surrogate.

• 1:06:44Speaker 04

  I feel like you don't even talk to a lot of boys.

• 1:06:46Speaker 03

  I do. I talk to boys, I actually do. I talk to boys more and more, because I'm starting to love more and more. Even with the boys evil, I have this new thing where I go all to his friends around. I go, don't drop him. Stay friends with him, I need you guys too. That's what I've been telling him.

• 1:06:59Speaker 04

  What evil boy have you protected recently?

• 1:07:01Speaker 03

  Um, I would never like name evil boys' names here, but I did like, I was having a moment with these two really young boys who I worked with recently, who are really sweetie. And I was like, I feel like I have some girlfriends who they'll say publicly a lot, like, if you find out a guy in your group is a bad guy, you better drop him. He shouldn't be allowed around.

• 1:07:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:07:19Speaker 03

  And I really-

• 1:07:19Speaker 04

  This is a big problem in general, yeah.

• 1:07:20Speaker 03

  Yes, in which like, I understand like, he's your, like, you don't want to be in the same place as him, whatever.

• 1:07:25Speaker 04

  Totally, get him out of here.

• 1:07:25Speaker 03

  Get him out of here. Uh, 100%.

• 1:07:28Speaker 04

  I know. But- Everyone's like, everyone's kind of quietly giggling because of the number of times you've brought up, of course.

• 1:07:33Speaker 03

  And what do I say to that?

• 1:07:34Speaker 04

  You love-

• 1:07:35Speaker 03

  No, what do I say? I would love to never talk about [BEEP] again. Okay, so, um, so, so, so. But I was to them, I was like, if you have a guy being bad, more in like a way of just like, he's kind of a dick or whatever. I was like, in your friend group and he gets in trouble with people, don't drop him. I was like, please, like, try to fix and make him better and heal, because the solution can't be what? We have all these ang-, all these guys who already sucked, all their friends dropped them? Great, can't wait to be their neighbor.

• 1:08:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, they're masked up and they're going to DC with the boys.

• 1:08:03Speaker 03

  They are, literally, they have 39 days of training, yeah, it's a fucking disaster.

• 1:08:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, we've got a, it's gonna be uncomfortable and a lot of people aren't gonna want to hear it. And we've been trying to have these conversations, but this like, fuck everybody who's ever done anything wrong, let's isolate them until they die, they should never work again, type of approach to-

• 1:08:19Speaker 03

  It's bad.

• 1:08:19Speaker 04

  Society is clearly not working.

• 1:08:22Speaker 03

  It's not working.

• 1:08:23Speaker 04

  So, we're gonna have to figure something else out. So, I'm on, I'm on board with that. I'm on board with your analysis.

• 1:08:27Speaker 03

  We agreed.

• 1:08:28Speaker 04

  We always agree.

• 1:08:29Speaker 03

  You never said you're the lake thing, the three reasons. I had a real reason at the end.

• 1:08:32Speaker 04

  I'm not gonna give you three reasons that I love a body of water.

• 1:08:35Speaker 03

  Fine, we'll do it, we'll do, we'll do the game another time.

• 1:08:37Speaker 04

  I'll tell you my favorite body of water.

• 1:08:41Speaker 04

  Once I think of it. Lake Michigan.

• 1:08:42Speaker 03

  Lake Michigan, I love, because it's Chicago summer.

• 1:08:44Speaker 04

  Lake Michigan, I just love Lake Michigan.

• 1:08:46Speaker 03

  I love Lake Michigan. I love the Great Lakes.

• 1:08:47Speaker 04

  I enjoy Lake Michigan.

• 1:08:48Speaker 03

  I love lakes, because you can hang out all day.

• 1:08:50Speaker 04

  Lakes are way better than the ocean and it's not even close.

• 1:08:53Speaker 03

  I know.

• 1:08:53Speaker 04

  The ocean is totally scary and bizarre. Oceans are like, the ocean is scary, scary, scary, scary, too deep, goes on for too long.

• 1:09:01Speaker 03

  Do you have a fish you're really scared to see?

• 1:09:02Speaker 04

  Treacherous, the ones that have their own light on their head.

• 1:09:05Speaker 03

  And has like the-

• 1:09:06Speaker 04

  It has its own light from being too far down. Should have never known about him, don't like that he exists.

• 1:09:11Speaker 03

  Did you learn about him from Finding Nemo?

• 1:09:12Speaker 04

  Also piranhas, no. Learned about him in science class. Piranhas, scary.

• 1:09:16Speaker 03

  Most things that Caleb learned in science class I got from Pixar.

• 1:09:19Speaker 04

  That's beautiful.

• 1:09:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, piranhas, no, yeah, I don't like that either.

• 1:09:22Speaker 04

  Piranhas are a no-go for me.

• 1:09:23Speaker 03

  Jellyfish, why are you so cute if you hurt us? Crazy.

• 1:09:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't like that, um-

• 1:09:26Speaker 03

  The ocean scares me too.

• 1:09:28Speaker 04

  The ocean's always scary. Lakes, on the other hand, what a gorgeous experience is the lake.

• 1:09:31Speaker 03

  The best ever.

• 1:09:32Speaker 04

  I love the lake.

• 1:09:33Speaker 03

  I know, I love the lake so much. You can hang out all day, you can, it still feels massive.

• 1:09:38Speaker 04

  You can hang out all day at the ocean, by the way.

• 1:09:39Speaker 03

  You can't really, when you're in there, because you have to be on guard all day. You can get into a deep talk while you're swimming in the ocean, right? You can kind of be like, you know, oh, do you have an eating disorder growing up? You know, where it's like, in the ocean, you ca-, that happens, next thing you know, she's like, blow me up, pff, pff. You know what I mean? And you're like, under, and it's like, you can't talk about something, really, you have to be on guard.

• 1:09:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:55Speaker 03

  Unless you're on a surfboard.

• 1:09:58Speaker 03

  Like, sitting or something.

• 1:09:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:59Speaker 03

  But if yours, you have to be on, when's the last time you went in the ocean?

• 1:10:01Speaker 04

  You have to be more-

• 1:10:02Speaker 03

  For a dip.

• 1:10:03Speaker 04

  Hmm, last year? But you have to be more on guard when you're on a surfboard, because then your legs are just dangling. If you're sitting on a surfboard, your legs are dangling and they're begging to be bitten by a shark.

• 1:10:12Speaker 03

  I'm more scared of the water than shark.

• 1:10:14Speaker 04

  I'm scared of it all. I'm scared of sharks, and I don't like the PR campaign that's been going on for them.

• 1:10:18Speaker 03

  It's like, you have to piss them off. And when they go, when people have the audacity, punch them in the nose. Yeah.

• 1:10:23Speaker 04

  Oh, I would.

• 1:10:24Speaker 03

  Punch them in the nose? Like, I'm underwater, having the scariest moment of my life, I find its nose and then lock in to punch it?

• 1:10:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, you don't have a choice, you're gonna die. You'll find the nose.

• 1:10:33Speaker 03

  You'll see me dead, quick.

• 1:10:34Speaker 04

  No, Holmes, you'll find the nose and punch. I guarantee you, when you get attacked by a shark, and I do see it for you, you're gonna, you're gonna find that nose, and even better, if you can kick it, because you probably got more force in your legs.

• 1:10:44Speaker 03

  You know I got strong legs.

• 1:10:45Speaker 04

  I know you do.

• 1:10:45Speaker 03

  I really do, I've been proud of them lately. You do too, we both have strong legs.

• 1:10:48Speaker 04

  I have incredibly strong legs. They, my legs never had a choice.

• 1:10:50Speaker 03

  I know, there's actually something I need you to help me carry back home. We'll do that soon.

• 1:10:53Speaker 04

  What?

• 1:10:54Speaker 03

  Down the stairs. I basically had all these movers bringing way too much stuff, and now I have to bring a bunch of stuff back out.

• 1:10:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, you'll be hiring a task grabber, I'm not gonna come carry stuff down your stairs.

• 1:11:01Speaker 03

  I brought flowers today.

• 1:11:02Speaker 04

  That is beautiful, but we're too old for that shit.

• 1:11:04Speaker 03

  Fine.

• 1:11:05Speaker 04

  What is it?

• 1:11:06Speaker 03

  It's a huge, like, uh, it's like a dresser that was really heavy.

• 1:11:08Speaker 04

  You lost me at huge.

• 1:11:13Speaker 03

  Comes out, you guys, I'm so proud of this. I just want to say to everyone, Trash Mountain is about to be one of the best movies in the world. Sorry, I just am so, so proud, it makes me emotional, I don't want to cry right now.

• 1:11:21Speaker 04

  You are in that movie.

• 1:11:22Speaker 03

  I'm in it for just a beat, but it's like the dream of my life, and it just like, the script made me truly, truly cry so hard, I just think-

• 1:11:29Speaker 04

  There's really no guest stars in the movie. There's like, the cast and that's it. You're like, the only true guest star in the movie.

• 1:11:36Speaker 03

  It is an honor of my life, and I just think it's gonna be so good. Do we have any info of when it comes out? No.

• 1:11:40Speaker 04

  We have some info.

• 1:11:41Speaker 03

  We can't say?

• 1:11:42Speaker 04

  Mm-mm.

• 1:11:43Speaker 03

  Michelle's getting, oh! Well, just look forward to it. I was wearing this though in Canada, and this, this guy, Trash Mountain, what's that? I was like, a movie that you'll see, and I expect a high rating, and then I like, never see him again, I knew he was gonna think of me.

• 1:11:55Speaker 04

  Why didn't you? I don't think it's good for the movie that you were kind of mean to him.

• 1:11:59Speaker 03

  I don't think it's good for you to question my fucking hat when I'm getting a coffee.

• 1:12:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's fair enough.

• 1:12:03Speaker 03

  You know what I mean?

• 1:12:03Speaker 04

  You know, I got a new assistant recently.

• 1:12:07Speaker 04

  Her name is Svetlana.

• 1:12:08Speaker 03

  Svetlana, coming for you, Michelle.

• 1:12:11Speaker 04

  She's, she's replacing Michelle. Michelle didn't want to text me back this morning, so-

• 1:12:14Speaker 03

  Michelle, were you just sleeping?

• 1:12:20Speaker 04

  Forgot to text me back.

• 1:12:21Speaker 03

  Svetlana starts today.

• 1:12:22Speaker 04

  You know, I've been watching this documentary about the founding fathers.

• 1:12:25Speaker 03

  Totally.

• 1:12:25Speaker 04

  It's, I finished it now, it was, it's been really weighing on my mind. I've talked about it a lot on here.

• 1:12:29Speaker 03

  Okay, tell me something about it, I haven't watched it, I love a doc.

• 1:12:31Speaker 04

  George Washington, after he like reluctantly became president, spent like, a fucking year going to like, every single town he could go to. And just like, chatting with people and being like, well, so what do you guys think we should do about this country? The president doesn't really do that anymore at all.

• 1:12:46Speaker 03

  Uh, well, not-

• 1:12:48Speaker 04

  That's crazy.

• 1:12:48Speaker 03

  I mean, our president does nothing, but yes, the presidents for a while haven't been doing that enough.

• 1:12:52Speaker 04

  That's what I'm saying, presidents haven't been doing that. They don't even hold town halls, they hold like rallies where they speak and don't listen. I'm like, what's going on with that?

• 1:12:59Speaker 03

  No, I mean, I mean, I think that a lot of people called the representatives for their first time ever in the past like year, and as someone who would call like daily for a while in my life, it starts to even feel like, that starts to feel like it's not doing anything. And then they start to go like, well, at least it fills up the boxes, and they see that numbers are calling, but it's like, it would be actually nice if we know someone important is talking to us.

• 1:13:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think we have too few representatives for too big of a population. We've outgrown our system. The Electoral College obviously needs to be abolished, it makes no fucking sense.

• 1:13:27Speaker 03

  Zero.

• 1:13:28Speaker 04

  It was made as an agreement to appease slave owners, and those people don't matter, we should not have, we, like, I, it doesn't make any sense. The House, the House of Representatives makes no sense, the Senate makes no sense.

• 1:13:37Speaker 03

  But when you run for office, it all goes away.

• 1:13:39Speaker 04

  Why does Rhode Island have the same amount of senators as California? We're gonna have to square this eventually.

• 1:13:43Speaker 03

  We'll, we're gonna have to square it for sure.

• 1:13:45Speaker 04

  Doesn't make any sense.

• 1:13:46Speaker 03

  I love that you love docs, how I do. Basically, Caleb and I only watch documentaries, we don't watch real TV or movies very much.

• 1:13:51Speaker 04

  What was the fucked up one that Lisa said to me the other day?

• 1:13:54Speaker 03

  Well, you know that, you know what I did where I asked my favorite documentarian to get coffee? Because we had a similar amount of followers on Instagram, so I was like, he might answer, my favorite documentarian.

• 1:14:01Speaker 04

  Oh, nice.

• 1:14:02Speaker 03

  And it was one of those things where, that's why you can't assign a number to people like that. Because we were in a similar spot where I was like, he might, but he didn't know what a superfan I was. So then it was like a really scary coffee for him, I think, because he's like Celine Dion to me, you know? And we were just, it was across from him, and I was like, vibrating, and I was like, your work has just like changed me, and he was like, yeah. You could tell he was like, I thought he was gonna get coffee with someone to like, to talk-

• 1:14:20Speaker 04

  He was like, oh.

• 1:14:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was like, fellow artist, and I was like, superfan you're Celine Dion, and then I was like, you shouldn't build this like message.

• 1:14:25Speaker 04

  You're saying he's Celine Dion to you?

• 1:14:26Speaker 03

  He is, he is Celine Dion to me.

• 1:14:27Speaker 04

  That's really funny to me.

• 1:14:28Speaker 03

  Well, I just like, think a good documentarian is the best thing ever. I, I really, it's my favorite, eh, I don't, I-

• 1:14:35Speaker 04

  What would you make a documentary about right now if you had a million dollars?

• 1:14:38Speaker 03

  It's really like hard, because there's things that I think are the most urgent, and then I'm also thinking about like, what I, I mean, honestly, I would probably make it about, um, I would try to make it about people, obviously, who don't have their story shared. I would try to make it about, uh, I would try to make it like Casey Tennants and like tenant unions.

• 1:14:55Speaker 04

  Oh, fun, that'd be a good one.

• 1:14:57Speaker 03

  But I remember I talked to Tara about that once, and she, I was like, I have a bunch of people, try to make a documentary about you? And she was like, yeah. And it made me laugh really hard, where I was just like, she doesn't want to do that, she doesn't want that to be, but it's like, I think, uh, to me, meeting Tara and learning about Casey Tennants and tenant unions in general, had this thing where I was like, there was just so many people trying without succeeding, that I'd experienced, and I was like, really needing hope. And to me, she's such a doer, and so I like documentaries where I finish them. I love a documentary where if, where you're always gonna feel sad for a documentary, for the most part. But I like to leave one feeling like, now I actually also have hope. And I think that that is what, uh, like, the Tenant Federation, like, all, for me, it feels very like, this is real change and hope, and I want, I don't like a documentary that makes you just want to die, even though I watch those ones a lot too.

• 1:15:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:15:43Speaker 03

  You know? Do you watch Manosphere, Louis Throw's, new one on Netflix?

• 1:15:46Speaker 04

  I did.

• 1:15:46Speaker 03

  I thought that that one was really, really good, because it wasn't not about just like that boys are bad, but about how like, you keep, the internet algorithm is like that, I thought that, I love Louis Throw. He does one of these Miami jails that blew my mind, but yeah, I don't know. Do you have a favorite documentarian?

• 1:16:00Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:16:01Speaker 03

  Well, Aiden, Aiden Myer, a close friend, she, uh, she, hers will come out eventually, summer 2000, the Cedera Story, and I like that hers is about like, how adults have like lost their play and like creative, like creative spirit and stuff. And I think that another one, if I could make two documentaries, I would go more to like, the Gooby Girls, and like, what, why, how, what are we doing about people losing their goof?

• 1:16:21Speaker 04

  You would make a documentary about Gooby Girls?

• 1:16:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, I would.

• 1:16:24Speaker 04

  What do you mean?

• 1:16:26Speaker 03

  Um, well, it kind of is in line with my so true, so should I say it?

• 1:16:28Speaker 04

  What's so true to you?

• 1:16:29Speaker 03

  My so true is that Gooby Girls are an endangered species, and I'm,

• 1:16:37Speaker 03

  and I'm really, really, really freaking out about it, but I'm gonna do something about it, for sure, which is about to bust fest, August 1, please come, Bushwick, okay? And so I'll say that more, but I really, really am worried about this. I feel like because of the internet, because of our government, because of a million reasons, we are losing Goober Girls. I'm talking about like, I think, like, the internet has made the younger generations scared to embarrass themselves in a huge way. Like, I was talking to this Gen Z girl the other day, she was like, she, I was like, well, you know that one girl who'd always like fart growing up to make everyone laugh? And she was like, no. And I was like, what? I was like, you didn't have a girl who was like farting so her friends would bust at the party? And she was like, no one would fart, and no girls were farting. I was like, are you fucking serious?

• 1:17:14Speaker 03

  Goobers are like someone who's authentically them, authentically themselves, and I really, really feel like, Goober guys, they're still allowed to exist on TV and stuff, it can still be charming. Goober girls, you can't get fucked. You'll see the goobiest girl you know these days, and they'll literally be like-

• 1:17:30Speaker 03

  And you're like, where's your goob at? Where'd it go? You used to be doing the worm bitch. It worries me.

• 1:17:36Speaker 04

  I didn't realize this was a problem. I'm really loving, I'm learning so much right now.

• 1:17:40Speaker 03

  You, if you really start thinking about it, you'll start noticing that the goobs are really, they're not gone. You can never kill us. You can never kill us off completely, but they're endangered and I, I really, really, uh, I want us to be doing stuff about it. I don't blame anyone. I, I just want you to know, like, follow your goob. And if you're a goob at home, and here's the thing, if you're a goob, you can also be a bad bitch. People think this. People think it's like this. Bad bitch or goob. There's a Venn diagram.

• 1:18:05Speaker 03

  You can be in the middle. You can be a bad bitch and a goob. In a real way. I'm just, I'm really getting concerned for it because I think without goobs, like, how are we gonna fix all this if there's no silliness? If there's no silly, there's no goob, I, I, no play.

• 1:18:18Speaker 04

  So how, if there's a young girl listening right now, how does she follow her goob?

• 1:18:22Speaker 03

  Uh, let's say you have a feeling in your brain that you wanna make a silly noise, but everyone would be like, why'd you do that? Let it out. I'm so dead serious. Like, like, gooby girls, you know, you're doing gibberish. I'm like, zubana. It's like that, sometimes it needs to come out. Let's play for once, you know? Oh, I have a little dance move. Gooby girls, they dance how they really wanna dance. What do we have now?

• 1:18:45Speaker 03

  That's a gooby girl. A gooby girl holding back. It's, I mean, I could sob. It really devastates me. And so I'm just like, and I really understand how it happened. Capitalism, it does not like the gooby girl. The algorithm hates the gooby girl. When you're stressed about money, that's very hard for the gooby girl, of course. You're like, how could I possibly be silly? My kids don't have enough money for a lunchbox. You know, it's like, a lot of, I know. A lot of things are attacking the gooby girl, but I'm here to really be like, I will never let you die. And just like, and if you're, uh, if you do act silly or goob and the people around you are sort of like,

• 1:19:19Speaker 03

  run.

• 1:19:20Speaker 04

  Run.

• 1:19:20Speaker 03

  Run.

• 1:19:21Speaker 04

  Run because they're-

• 1:19:22Speaker 03

  Oh, you surround yourself with gooby girls.

• 1:19:23Speaker 04

  They're afraid of their goob.

• 1:19:24Speaker 03

  You surround yourself with goobs. You're a goob. You're a goob and a bad bitch. I think I'm only a goob.

• 1:19:31Speaker 03

  And I am, it's specifically why I'm putting on a comedy festival on August 1st, for real. Because I was just like, what do I do about this? And I was like, I just want a day where we get to all be together and have joy and be around other goobs. Because, yeah.

• 1:19:43Speaker 04

  Your comedy festival has upset me. I just don't understand why no boys?

• 1:19:49Speaker 03

  I didn't even realize.

• 1:19:52Speaker 04

  You didn't do that on purpose?

• 1:19:53Speaker 03

  I genuinely was just thinking like, who are the funniest people I know? And I just like, made the lineup.

• 1:19:58Speaker 04

  That's not true. I wasn't asked.

• 1:19:59Speaker 03

  I'm, I'm, wait, this is super uncomfortable. Um, are you gonna come?

• 1:20:05Speaker 04

  I mean, it depends.

• 1:20:07Speaker 03

  You get, you, I'll, I'll comp you.

• 1:20:10Speaker 04

  Sorry.

• 1:20:10Speaker 03

  You can come the second, you can come the second year. Maybe, okay, I'll, I'll, I'll ask you to be on it the second year. I really will. No, I know. You're so funny. You make me laugh so fucking hard.

• 1:20:17Speaker 04

  No, it's just you said that you asked the funniest people you know, and my name never even crossed your mind for your goob fest?

• 1:20:22Speaker 03

  I'm, I'm really, really like, I, I feel embarrassed. I feel, I feel like I just maybe like, I guess I knew the need for gooby girls and non-binary people was maybe stronger or something. Or maybe you weren't letting your goob out enough.

• 1:20:32Speaker 04

  Who's all on the lineup?

• 1:20:33Speaker 03

  We have, well, it's actually funny. Cause not, like, I would say there's probably like two on there who aren't goobs, but it's because their goob has been broken down, but they're still really funny and their goob's gonna come out the day of.

• 1:20:42Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:20:42Speaker 03

  Some goobs who have been on the pod. Uh, Lisa.

• 1:20:45Speaker 04

  Not funnier than me.

• 1:20:48Speaker 04

  Next name?

• 1:20:48Speaker 03

  Joe Sunday.

• 1:20:49Speaker 04

  Not funnier than me.

• 1:20:51Speaker 03

  I think one of the ones on the pod, Mary Beth Roan.

• 1:20:53Speaker 04

  Not funnier than me.

• 1:20:55Speaker 03

  Um, you've never had Asha on the pod. Asha Ward.

• 1:20:58Speaker 04

  No, I love Asha. Not funnier than me.

• 1:21:00Speaker 03

  She's funny as fuck.

• 1:21:01Speaker 04

  She's so funny. Can't hold a candle to me.

• 1:21:04Speaker 04

  Isn't Grace Kuhlenschmidt on the lineup?

• 1:21:05Speaker 03

  Grace Kuhlenschmidt?

• 1:21:06Speaker 04

  Grace Kuhlenschmidt couldn't hold my sneakers.

• 1:21:08Speaker 03

  Molly Carney.

• 1:21:09Speaker 04

  Molly Carney, not funnier than me.

• 1:21:11Speaker 03

  You wanna come this year and next year? Will you be on the festival?

• 1:21:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:21:14Speaker 03

  Cute.

• 1:21:15Speaker 04

  I'll be there.

• 1:21:15Speaker 03

  But that's what I'm doing. You, you-

• 1:21:17Speaker 04

  No, I love all those people. That sounds like a blast.

• 1:21:18Speaker 03

  You have your, you have your-

• 1:21:19Speaker 04

  I'll be earnest. I love the festival. I'm excited about it.

• 1:21:21Speaker 03

  I love the festival. I'm excited about it. And I also feel, I get, I, I, I do get nervous hosting, but then I always remember how important it is to like, do stuff. And you've always been a big inspiration with me as a doer.

• 1:21:31Speaker 04

  Not inspiring enough to get an ask, though, huh? No, I really am planning to be there. I'm really excited about it. I think it's really fucking awesome that you're doing it. If Katie doesn't have her baby right then, I'll be there.

• 1:21:40Speaker 03

  Yeah. And if Katie does, you have to go be an uncle.

• 1:21:42Speaker 04

  If Katie has her baby, I have to go to baby, I think.

• 1:21:43Speaker 03

  Well, I think babies really help people get in touch with their goob, so that's gonna be really exciting for them.

• 1:21:46Speaker 04

  Well, and it's, yeah, if it turns out to be a girl, maybe I can give the message when I get there. I can grab the baby at the hospital and say, be goob.

• 1:21:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, by the ear, by the ear.

• 1:21:53Speaker 04

  Goob, follow your goob.

• 1:21:53Speaker 03

  I'm worried about you losing it. They kick you out? They're like, he was whispering to her a lot when you weren't in the room?

• 1:21:57Speaker 04

  Yeah. He was really talking to her in a way that we don't like.

• 1:22:00Speaker 03

  Do you, do, do you feel, uh, you feel in touch with your goober?

• 1:22:03Speaker 04

  I think so. Time to time. It's a, it's a balance. I don't always feel goober.

• 1:22:08Speaker 03

  Do people, do you feel like when we first started being more on the internet, that it was stolen for a second? I'm not thinking that. I'm actually genuinely asking.

• 1:22:15Speaker 04

  What'd you say?

• 1:22:16Speaker 03

  Like, it got stolen for a second. I think sometimes when you're massively, uh, like, when you're perceived by a mass is when I see a lot of people's goob get snatched. But yours is, I do think you have yours.

• 1:22:26Speaker 04

  Hmm, no, I don't think that happened. I think that, um, I think if anything, I just wanted to explore different things. I think I was originally like, doing character videos and being very silly. And I liked all of that. And then I got tired of it. I got tired of that particular form of expression, but I still have that in my life.

• 1:22:44Speaker 03

  No, you're still totally have goob.

• 1:22:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:22:46Speaker 03

  Yeah. And being a goob doesn't mean you can be serious. Being a goob is just being authentically yourself.

• 1:22:51Speaker 04

  Well, there are people that are authentically themselves that aren't goobs, though.

• 1:22:55Speaker 03

  If you really go super authentic yourself, though, you know, sometimes it, I-

• 1:23:00Speaker 04

  There are some people that are just like accountants that are just not gooby. And they're being authentic.

• 1:23:04Speaker 03

  I dated an accountant. And during the workday, she was an accountant. When we got home, she was like, meow, meow. You know what I mean? All of a sudden, some gooby stuff was really coming about.

• 1:23:13Speaker 04

  Okay, that, it's not to say that everybody who's an accountant can't be a goob. I'm just saying, do you, do you disagree that there are some people that are completely authentically themselves that have no goob in them?

• 1:23:25Speaker 03

  I think the case is still out.

• 1:23:26Speaker 04

  No, it's not.

• 1:23:27Speaker 03

  Because I, I, I'm really-

• 1:23:28Speaker 04

  It's settled.

• 1:23:29Speaker 03

  I'm really thinking about this. I'm really thinking about this in a real way. Because to me, there's, yes, there's a huge chapter of like, goob girls, the one who's like, so much fun that it can be scary sometimes, where you're like at a sleepover and you're like, she has a knife and she's being funny, but she might hurt us, you know? Um, those ones exist. But then there are really, I do think that a lot of people who have zero goob, I do think it's because they're trying, they have been made so intensely to make sure that they do everything exactly.

• 1:23:55Speaker 04

  I love you and I love your heart and mind. I just think some people are boring. I think some people are not gooby or silly. Some people are just literally, they're just not that silly or interesting. And that is completely okay.

• 1:24:10Speaker 03

  You're like, you're like, you're like, some people are boring and they're ugly and they don't relate to anyone and that can be beautiful.

• 1:24:18Speaker 04

  I didn't say the, the ugly or not relation part.

• 1:24:21Speaker 03

  You said boring.

• 1:24:21Speaker 04

  Some people are boring and that is completely okay. I think that not-

• 1:24:25Speaker 03

  I think we can agree. I think we can agree on this.

• 1:24:27Speaker 04

  Every boring person has not had the gooby beaten out of them. Some people were born with no gooby.

• 1:24:30Speaker 03

  We can agree on this, sure. I'm willing to.

• 1:24:33Speaker 04

  Nice, okay.

• 1:24:34Speaker 03

  But, but, but, no, no, no, no. Will you, will you agree with me, though, that you're watching gooby girl get a little endangered?

• 1:24:40Speaker 04

  Do I think gooby girl is endangered? I think authenticity is in danger. In general. And I think certainly that that will impact the gooby girl community.

• 1:24:50Speaker 03

  Thank you. So it sounds like we agree. Do you wanna shake on it?

• 1:24:52Speaker 04

  Authenticity is under attack and the gooby girl might catch an arrow.

• 1:24:56Speaker 03

  The, the gooby girl who was shaking ass, like, she's not, she's, she's in her bed. You know, she's not going out.

• 1:25:01Speaker 04

  I think there's still gooby girls shaking ass.

• 1:25:03Speaker 03

  There is. I said endangered. I didn't say extinct. Thank fucking god. They'll never go extinct.

• 1:25:08Speaker 04

  You wanna play a game?

• 1:25:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, I would love to.

• 1:25:09Speaker 04

  All right, I'm gonna read you 15 statements. You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false. Homes, if you get 10 or more correct, we're gonna give you 50 US dollars.

• 1:25:15Speaker 03

  I know, I have to go really fast. I'm always bad at this, so I'm just not gonna judge it this time.

• 1:25:17Speaker 04

  Let's go fast. Toronto is home to the Scotiabank Arena.

• 1:25:20Speaker 03

  True.

• 1:25:20Speaker 04

  True. Pablo Picasso died in 1973.

• 1:25:23Speaker 03

  False.

• 1:25:24Speaker 04

  True. Mars is shaped like a rugby ball.

• 1:25:26Speaker 03

  Mars is shaped like a rugby ball?

• 1:25:31Speaker 03

  It's a ball? I mean, true.

• 1:25:32Speaker 04

  True. Dale Earnhardt won more NASCAR races than Jeff Gordon.

• 1:25:35Speaker 03

  Who's the first guy?

• 1:25:36Speaker 04

  Dale Earnhardt won more NASCAR races than Jeff Gordon.

• 1:25:39Speaker 03

  False.

• 1:25:40Speaker 04

  False. Florida State University-

• 1:25:41Speaker 03

  I don't know either of them.

• 1:25:42Speaker 04

  Florida State University was founded on January 24th, 1851.

• 1:25:46Speaker 03

  Uh, false.

• 1:25:47Speaker 04

  It's true. And that's my birthday. Carl the mouse was the first mammal to be cloned.

• 1:25:51Speaker 03

  Carl the mouse?

• 1:25:52Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:25:54Speaker 03

  False.

• 1:25:55Speaker 04

  False. It was Dolly the sheep.

• 1:25:56Speaker 03

  It was Dolly the sheep? Can you imagine her? She's like, she's like, hey, Dolly.

• 1:26:00Speaker 04

  No act outs, no act outs.

• 1:26:01Speaker 03

  Come on, Dolly and Lolly.

• 1:26:02Speaker 04

  The Renaissance started in the 14th century.

• 1:26:05Speaker 03

  Um, this one's embarrassing. Probably that I should know. Uh, false. True?

• 1:26:11Speaker 04

  It's true. The cube root of 64 is 4.

• 1:26:15Speaker 03

  True.

• 1:26:16Speaker 04

  True. The capital of Germany is Munich.

• 1:26:19Speaker 03

  Uh, true.

• 1:26:19Speaker 04

  False, Berlin.

• 1:26:20Speaker 03

  Oh, Berlin?

• 1:26:21Speaker 04

  Nebraska's state motto is equality before the law.

• 1:26:24Speaker 03

  False.

• 1:26:24Speaker 04

  True. Miley Cyrus's birth name was Destiny Cyrus.

• 1:26:30Speaker 03

  False.

• 1:26:30Speaker 04

  True.

• 1:26:31Speaker 03

  You should've gone by Destiny, bitch. Destiny's awesome.

• 1:26:35Speaker 04

  Latitude measures east to west positions.

• 1:26:38Speaker 03

  Latitude measure, when you do the ones that are like, actually can make me seem dumb, it's so rude. Um, latitude measures east to west. Never eat shredded wheat. True.

• 1:26:47Speaker 04

  False.

• 1:26:49Speaker 03

  Isn't longitude up and down and latitude's this?

• 1:26:51Speaker 04

  Longitude is east to west. Infinity is a number.

• 1:26:54Speaker 03

  Um.

• 1:26:59Speaker 03

  False. True.

• 1:27:01Speaker 04

  It's false.

• 1:27:01Speaker 03

  It's false. Don't do it, yeah.

• 1:27:05Speaker 04

  Alfonso Roberto won Dancing with the Stars.

• 1:27:07Speaker 03

  Means nothing to me. False.

• 1:27:10Speaker 04

  True. Windy City Hero is closed permanently in 2021.

• 1:27:14Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:27:17Speaker 03

  False? I hope.

• 1:27:21Speaker 03

  Say it.

• 1:27:22Speaker 04

  What's your answer?

• 1:27:24Speaker 03

  False.

• 1:27:25Speaker 04

  False, they're still open. How, how'd they do?

• 1:27:28Speaker 05

  A strong seven.

• 1:27:29Speaker 03

  No, really, really bad. One of my worst. Though it was only one I'm embarrassed about, the Renaissance one. Otherwise, I'd say Nebraska, for a motto, you're not doing very good at it.

• 1:27:36Speaker 04

  Hey, say that. Get them, get them, get them, get them, get them.

• 1:27:39Speaker 03

  I do love Nebraska.

• 1:27:40Speaker 04

  Uh, I love you so much. Thanks for doing it.

• 1:27:41Speaker 03

  I love you bigger than the whole world. Thanks for having me.

• 1:27:43Speaker 04

  I love you more than anything.

• 1:27:44Speaker 03

  I asked this time.

• 1:27:45Speaker 04

  You what?

• 1:27:46Speaker 03

  I asked.

• 1:27:47Speaker 04

  You did ask to come on.

• 1:27:48Speaker 03

  Because last, yeah.

• 1:27:49Speaker 04

  Stop, don't bring up past drama. We got a big fight about that. No, we didn't.

• 1:27:53Speaker 03

  We don't have, we've never had a huge fight.

• 1:27:56Speaker 04

  Have we not?

• 1:27:57Speaker 03

  No. I don't think we will. Till it gets physical. Oh, whoa. Destiny Cyrus walks in.

• 1:28:06Speaker 03

  Destiny walks in.

• 1:28:08Speaker 04

  Tell people, plug what you wanna plug. We gotta get out of here.

• 1:28:10Speaker 03

  What I wanna plug is, um, August 1st. Come to About to Bust Fest. You go to abouttobust.com. Door is at 3:00. Show starts at 3:30. It's, it ends at like, hard 9:00 PM. It's gonna be a day of truly, everyone in this festival has made me bust laugh so hard. And, um, I'm also going on tour in the fall. Homesick Tour to all the states I've ever lived in. And also, keep listening to the podcast. I love Caleb and so too.

• 1:28:34Speaker 00

  Let's be honest. You don't go to the holiday gift exchange just to participate. You go to win. This year, cause a stir. Gift a KitchenAid stand mixer to whip up new traditions. Tis your season to mix it up.

• 1:28:50Speaker 01

  At Peloton, sometimes thinking big means thinking small. Introducing the new Peloton Tread Flex. Our first foldable and movable tread that's just about three feet stowed so you can roll it away. With an ultra-quiet and comfortable belt that whispers while you run. Made to fit however you move and fit to move wherever you like. Let yourself run. Peloton. Explore Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com.

• 1:29:19Speaker 06

  Does checking your bank statements feel like digging through a dusty attic full of forgotten subscriptions and old free trials?

• 1:29:28Speaker 06

  Experian can help take the pain out of canceling by handling it for you. Think of it as, Operation Get Your Sanity Back. Over 200 subscriptions are cancelable. So get started in the Experian app and see how much you could save. Results will vary. Not all subscriptions eligible. Savings not guaranteed. Paid membership with connected payment account required. See experian.com for details.