Sarah Sherman Sees Everything

Welcome back! This week’s guest is the hilarious Sarah Squirm AKA Sarah Sherman! Sarah and Caleb talk their Chicago comedy days, a harrowing trip to the doctors office, the afterlife, SNL and so much more! Watch Sarah’s HBO special Live + In The Flesh here! https://www.hbomax.com/movies/sarah-squirm-live-in-the-flesh/5d79e162-5a0a-4177-9021-79bac1836b07 Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Sarah! @sarahsquirm Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Head to https://turbotax.com to find a store location near you and get matched with a TurboTax expert — with real-time updates in the iOS app. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at https://RocketMoney.com/SOTRUE So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Virginia Muller. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. A Wave series. wavesportsandentertainment.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Ugh, I hate Mondays.

• 0:01Speaker 01

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite?

• 0:03Speaker 00

  Uh, Taylor Hansen? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm.

• 0:09Speaker 02

  Hey, let's get back to work, please.

• 0:10Speaker 00

  But Taylor Hansen's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites.

• 0:15Speaker 02

  Taylor Hansen? Nice.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  Try one.

• 0:18Speaker 02

  Mmm.

• 0:22Speaker 03

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. There's nothing like it.

• 0:31Speaker 03

  Wave.

• 0:34Speaker 04

  Needle in arm. Other hand, writing down definition for prep for a doctor. Teaching, basically, who, by the way, who's the doctor and who's the patient now?

• 0:41Speaker 05

  Teaching a doctor who, what prep is and what gay guys are. Also, he put, also, I got my chart notes back and my chart notes said, risky homosexual behavior, obese.

• 0:54Speaker 05

  Today's episode is presented by, you guessed it, Intuit TurboTax. Now, this is taxes. Sarah, how's it going, girl?

• 1:02Speaker 04

  You know, when we had our day together, a kind of a couple of days, it was kind of, that was kind of the best couple of days of my life.

• 1:09Speaker 05

  Do you want to tell me what couple of days you're talking about?

• 1:10Speaker 04

  Oh my, well, see, you have so much fun that you don't even like think about the days that we shared together. Well, we had our, we went on a, basically a couples retreat.

• 1:19Speaker 05

  Oh my God. Well, I was, I had some other stuff going on. You're talking about when?

• 1:26Speaker 04

  I, we had a sleepover.

• 1:27Speaker 05

  We had a sleepover in upstate New York.

• 1:29Speaker 04

  Right, we did.

• 1:30Speaker 05

  And we went to, um, we went to the Waxahachie MJ Lindgren.

• 1:34Speaker 04

  You like can't even think of what happened because every single day is a carnival for you.

• 1:41Speaker 04

  I'm like, hey, where are you? You in New York City? You're like, oh my God, sorry. I'm like randomly like globe trotting.

• 1:48Speaker 04

  I'm on tour, like at a musical festival, playing a baseball game.

• 1:51Speaker 05

  It was the joy of my lifetime that you came and stayed at that house with us.

• 1:54Speaker 04

  That was, you made a chicken.

• 1:55Speaker 05

  It was.

• 1:55Speaker 04

  Did you not?

• 1:56Speaker 05

  I made a chicken. You came and stayed with me and my boyfriend. We played house.

• 2:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, and it was very like, you got, you were being very aware of my disability concerning milk and dairy.

• 2:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:06Speaker 04

  And you were very, you say, hey, what are you allergic to? I'm like, I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm Jewish. I can't do dairy. And you, you took that, you said, okay, I'm, okay.

• 2:14Speaker 05

  You also omitted an allergy, didn't you? And then it ruined my meal. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, let's talk about it. I said, Sarah, we're filming the same movie.

• 2:22Speaker 04

  I want to go back to when you didn't remember what day we were talking about.

• 2:25Speaker 05

  All I remember is slides and transgressions. All I remember is when times you've hurt me.

• 2:29Speaker 04

  And how could that have been a slide and transgression other than it was like a moment of self-protection?

• 2:33Speaker 05

  No, I said, Sarah, please tell me you're all of your various myriad food allergies.

• 2:37Speaker 04

  He looked, he took one look at me and he goes, you look sickly. What's going on? What can't you eat?

• 2:42Speaker 05

  I said, I want to cook you dinner. And then I cooked this gorgeous dinner. I cooked this gorgeous dinner.

• 2:48Speaker 04

  It was stunning. And it was like, I had like a banquet table.

• 2:52Speaker 05

  Wow, it was a nice house.

• 2:53Speaker 04

  It was candlelit.

• 2:54Speaker 05

  I'm doing okay.

• 2:58Speaker 05

  And then I go to start plating stuff and Sarah goes, ooh, I can't have the entire salad you couldn't have. Oh, hurtful.

• 3:05Speaker 04

  Here's, can you imagine?

• 3:06Speaker 05

  You don't let me take care of you.

• 3:07Speaker 04

  Can you imagine? So like women's suffrage happens or whatever, like there's all.

• 3:13Speaker 05

  You're always fucking talking about women's suffrage.

• 3:15Speaker 04

  Like Roe v. Wade, like teetering on the break. So it's like, as a woman, dare I say, can I spike the camera? Can I spike the camera?

• 3:20Speaker 05

  Spike them all, yeah.

• 3:22Speaker 04

  As a woman, you have, every single day you have to be like, I'm brave, I'm strong, I'm powerful. And for me to admit, like, can you imagine having to admit to other adult human beings? I could be taken down by a carrot.

• 3:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:37Speaker 04

  So I lie, I lie, I, I, I say like, I say like, I don't want to admit I could be taken down by a carrot. I don't want, are you crying? Oh my God.

• 3:46Speaker 05

  I'm about to, because I'm so sorry. Like I had.

• 3:48Speaker 04

  No, exactly.

• 3:49Speaker 05

  No fucking idea. Like this whole time I thought you were being a bitch, but the whole time you were being oppressed.

• 3:57Speaker 04

  And if anybody wants to like kill me, take me down, assault me in any way, all you have to do is carrot.

• 4:02Speaker 05

  No one, no one do anything with carrots to Sarah. I'm calling, I'm saying this now.

• 4:06Speaker 04

  If I have a carrot, guess what's gonna happen? Both eyes swollen shut, lips huge, highs.

• 4:12Speaker 05

  What was it? I don't think it was just carrots.

• 4:13Speaker 04

  It's apples, carrot. It's like, that's the thing. I can't even like admit it. I could, because I know that.

• 4:20Speaker 04

  Because like if I said that into, but first of all, if I let, if, if this was public information, can you imagine? Any restaurant, there could be a spy sneaking something into my food.

• 4:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, so you're paranoid. You've got a food tester. Someone always with you, you're like, try this. Watching intensely to see if they start foaming at the mouth and die. I would never, I would never poison you. All I wanted to do was make you feel good and take care of you.

• 4:41Speaker 04

  I know what I felt. And I was like, so when you were like, what foods can't you eat? Like, for some reason, like, it's so easy for me to just be like, dairy. Am I right, ladies? For some reason, that's, because it's like, kind of cool to be lactose intolerant.

• 4:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, there's like a movement going on right now where people are like, hot girls have tummy issues. And I'm like, go to the doctor.

• 4:58Speaker 04

  By the way, I, I fucking hate that.

• 5:02Speaker 04

  As someone with like rampant diarrhea, as someone who has basically, it's someone who pees out of my ass more than I pee out of my urethra. Of course. Sarah Nicole Sherman, nice to meet you.

• 5:16Speaker 05

  Hey, Caleb.

• 5:16Speaker 04

  Pleasure doing this with you. As someone who, basically, my, my middle name shouldn't be Nicole, it should be IBS. As someone with, as someone who is the experience of having IBS, the hot girls with tummy issues thing has got to stop.

• 5:31Speaker 05

  I don't like the hot girls, insert X, like, hot girls for Zorah.

• 5:35Speaker 04

  No.

• 5:36Speaker 05

  Hey, knock it off. Let's get serious. Shit is, shit is very serious.

• 5:41Speaker 04

  We're talking about the rent, not talking about your ass.

• 5:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 5:43Speaker 04

  I know, because that's, well, hot girls with IBS, it's like, now, well, now you're thinking about my butthole, now you're thinking about my ass. Do you see what I'm saying?

• 5:49Speaker 05

  I'm not doing that. When I hear someone has IBS, I'm just feeling, I'm just like, oh damn, they can't eat all the stuff I like.

• 5:54Speaker 04

  Right.

• 5:54Speaker 05

  It makes me sad.

• 5:55Speaker 04

  I want to say something that's like too mean.

• 5:57Speaker 05

  Say it.

• 5:57Speaker 04

  Well, it's like, it's like, well, now, like, basically, now I'm just being like Joan Didion now. Where I'm like.

• 6:05Speaker 05

  Go ahead. I can't wait. I can't wait to hear how you're being like Joan Didion.

• 6:08Speaker 04

  Like, it becomes like masked ED. Like, being like, hot girls with like tummy issues. It's like, this used to just be the laxatives thing in the 90s.

• 6:17Speaker 05

  Say that.

• 6:18Speaker 04

  Tea.

• 6:18Speaker 05

  Say that.

• 6:19Speaker 04

  And as someone who, again, has more hemorrhoids than I can count, one, two, three, four million. It hurts to sit right now. I got a baboon's ass.

• 6:27Speaker 05

  You're infested with hemorrhoids?

• 6:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:29Speaker 05

  Wait, can I say something?

• 6:30Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 6:31Speaker 05

  I was on a set recently.

• 6:33Speaker 04

  She works.

• 6:34Speaker 05

  Working.

• 6:39Speaker 05

  I want to thank CAA, Mosaic, Jackaway, my lawyers have 15 names. No, I was on a set and there were actors our age, okay, talking about they eat prunes regularly to give themselves a flush out so that they don't gain weight. And I said, hey, fat person, hey, fat person that you're talking to.

• 6:58Speaker 04

  And I'm saying, being like.

• 7:00Speaker 05

  They're like, my worst nightmare is that I would look like you. I'm like, oh, oh, okay.

• 7:04Speaker 04

  Enjoy your prunes, granny.

• 7:06Speaker 05

  I really can't believe that. You're right. It is masking ED. Joan, you said that.

• 7:10Speaker 04

  You said, thank you. And for a second, I was like, why are you calling me Joan Diddy?

• 7:14Speaker 05

  Slouching towards the toilet, slouching, slouching towards Bethlehem.

• 7:19Speaker 04

  Honestly, Joan Diddy and body goals.

• 7:21Speaker 05

  Really? You want to look, you want to look like frail and like, oh, she, has she passed? Has she passed?

• 7:27Speaker 04

  Pour one out. I pour one out. I pour iced coffee all over the floor. Joan.

• 7:31Speaker 05

  Shout out to Joan. That makes me really sad. You know, her book fucked me up after my dad died.

• 7:35Speaker 04

  Really?

• 7:36Speaker 05

  Oh, my gosh. Well, you read the Year of Magical Thinking when you're in your lowest place and it really, it's there for a reason. It's there to finish the job.

• 7:42Speaker 04

  Right.

• 7:43Speaker 05

  That book is there to finish the job when you're not feeling well. It's, have you read it?

• 7:46Speaker 04

  I haven't.

• 7:47Speaker 05

  Oh, my gosh. Have you lost someone dear to you?

• 7:49Speaker 04

  Um, randomly, not to brag.

• 7:54Speaker 04

  Not to brag, like, nothing bad has ever happened to me.

• 7:57Speaker 05

  Okay, I hope it never does. But if you lose someone dear to you, pick up that book and let it do its thing.

• 8:02Speaker 04

  Wow, okay. Should I just like read it now and just like preempt?

• 8:06Speaker 05

  I really don't think so.

• 8:07Speaker 04

  Right. Wait for something terrible to happen?

• 8:08Speaker 05

  I think you have to lose someone dear to you.

• 8:10Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 8:11Speaker 05

  If it ever happens to you. And I don't see anything bad ever happening to you, by the way.

• 8:14Speaker 04

  Don't you get that from me?

• 8:15Speaker 05

  That you're extremely blessed and charmed?

• 8:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:17Speaker 05

  Totally.

• 8:18Speaker 04

  And I, and by the way, no one's ever complained more in their entire life Jewish than me, of course, 100%. But it's like, I need, I need to be reminded. You're, I like that. I'm blessed and charmed. I'm blessed.

• 8:28Speaker 05

  You're extremely blessed and charmed. You got on SNL by making fun of them.

• 8:33Speaker 05

  You have the coolest life ever.

• 8:34Speaker 04

  That was crazy.

• 8:35Speaker 05

  That was really crazy.

• 8:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, totally.

• 8:37Speaker 05

  I really loved it.

• 8:38Speaker 04

  I wish you were in there with me, I really do.

• 8:39Speaker 05

  Saturday Night Live, the television show?

• 8:42Speaker 04

  I wish you were in the, I wish you were in the trench. Listen, I've, I've said goodbye to that dream a long time ago.

• 8:47Speaker 05

  I think we both know my attitude would be a problem.

• 8:49Speaker 04

  But that's kind of what I'm not.

• 8:52Speaker 05

  They'd be like, they'd be like, we're staying for a 15th hour and I'd be like, not me personally. Thank you, guys.

• 8:57Speaker 04

  There's a like, there's a really cool like Omakase joint.

• 9:02Speaker 05

  I have to go to Omakase, I have a reservation, I'm so sorry, guys.

• 9:04Speaker 04

  This is so random, I literally have a flight to Missouri.

• 9:06Speaker 05

  Lauren.

• 9:09Speaker 05

  I'm on my way to Omakase.

• 9:10Speaker 04

  Where did you hear that Caleb got fired because he called Lauren babe?

• 9:15Speaker 05

  He called Lauren babe and kept doing cheek kisses to him?

• 9:18Speaker 04

  I feel like your perspective would be interesting inside.

• 9:21Speaker 05

  On Saturday Night Live, the television show?

• 9:22Speaker 04

  I just think, I would like to have like your kind of bratty, no one's really like a brat right now.

• 9:29Speaker 05

  I don't think that's true.

• 9:30Speaker 04

  And I don't mean that in a brat's.

• 9:31Speaker 05

  There are some brats there right now, don't play games with me. You have to say this because you work there, but let's get real. I see them at Omakase.

• 9:37Speaker 04

  All of a sudden like a watermark, trademarked by NBC thing starts like floating around.

• 9:42Speaker 05

  Comes and like crushes you.

• 9:43Speaker 04

  Can you imagine there would have been like a reality where we're both like, oh my God, our sketches just got cut?

• 9:49Speaker 05

  I don't think I would, I wouldn't, I have so much reverence for you and I would not handle it.

• 9:55Speaker 04

  You would handle.

• 9:55Speaker 05

  My attitude would be a problem. At Saturday Night Live, the television show.

• 9:58Speaker 04

  You'd be like, when you got cut, you would be like, hey?

• 10:01Speaker 05

  Oh, I would totally be like, why the fuck did we, I'd be like, we're cutting that? I wouldn't handle it gracefully at all. I'd start doing backdoor meetings. I'd start sabotaging people, I'd be like, you know Sarah talk shit on a long time.

• 10:13Speaker 04

  You would be like, um, my JonBenet Ramsey impression was like fucking flawless, perfect and you cut it.

• 10:18Speaker 05

  And you know I want to play JonBenet Ramsey so bad.

• 10:20Speaker 04

  I just got, by the way, I just got that vibe from you. I just did, I just did a full head mind.

• 10:25Speaker 05

  No, I want to play the brother, I want to play the brother denying it. I want to play the brother denying it, I don't know what happened to her.

• 10:29Speaker 04

  You think he did it? You think he did it?

• 10:31Speaker 05

  He's so scared, the brother?

• 10:32Speaker 04

  You think the brother did it?

• 10:33Speaker 05

  Oh, I don't think he did it. No, there's no way he did it.

• 10:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, right, no, totally. His name's like Rex, right?

• 10:41Speaker 05

  I'm so, you're gonna have to forgive me. I don't know JonBenet Ramsey's brother's name at the moment. Chance, what is it? Tell us now.

• 10:47Speaker 04

  It's like T-Rex.

• 10:49Speaker 02

  Burke or.

• 10:50Speaker 04

  Did I fucking stutter?

• 10:52Speaker 05

  Stutter? It's Burke.

• 10:54Speaker 02

  Got two of them. Also, Joan Didion moved on in 2021.

• 10:57Speaker 05

  Oh, she was promoted to her next opportunity in the sky.

• 11:00Speaker 04

  Wow. Is that that type shit you're on? That is nice.

• 11:04Speaker 05

  I get increasingly, I'm headed in a very annoying direction.

• 11:08Speaker 04

  No, wait, we were, we were just talking about, we, okay.

• 11:13Speaker 04

  I, you cannot, here's my thing.

• 11:15Speaker 05

  Tell me.

• 11:16Speaker 04

  All psychics are real.

• 11:18Speaker 05

  No, Sarah.

• 11:19Speaker 04

  Sarah.

• 11:20Speaker 05

  Sarah.

• 11:21Speaker 04

  Okay, Real Housewives of Melbourne, Australia, just.

• 11:28Speaker 04

  Me, yeah, I'm a woman of the world. Australia. You ever heard of it?

• 11:34Speaker 04

  There is, it's like, probably, it just dropped on Peacock property of NBC. Okay, it's probably from like, I'm gonna say like 2012. There is a housewife on it who is a psychic and I am so, again, this footage is from like 15 years ago. I'm so addicted to her and I'm like, this can't not be real. I've been watching all of her videos because she does a thing where she's like, come to my show. What, what's the thing like where the medium, like, it's like a big show in like a big room? It's like a medium seminar? Pageant? Medium pageant?

• 12:10Speaker 05

  Pageant is what I want. I don't know what it's technical, but I'd like to go with pageant. Pageant? JonBenet diva?

• 12:16Speaker 04

  JonBenet diva.

• 12:17Speaker 05

  JonBenet diva, why didn't I do that? I should have already done that.

• 12:20Speaker 04

  I know.

• 12:20Speaker 05

  I should be on TikTok doing that right now.

• 12:22Speaker 04

  Oh, okay.

• 12:23Speaker 05

  There's content on the table. Do you mind if I step out?

• 12:25Speaker 04

  You go to the bathroom.

• 12:26Speaker 05

  Do you mind if I do a front, you hear, you hear me in the bathroom? My brother did.

• 12:31Speaker 05

  I come back out, we start the interview again. No, I don't think he did it. Okay, but you're obsessed with this, you think this psychic is real?

• 12:38Speaker 04

  Cause everybody's like, come on, you know what I mean?

• 12:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 12:41Speaker 04

  And I'm watching the, by the way, every video has like, no disrespect, I love this diva, has like 400 li, it's not like, to me, I'm like, well, this should be front page news, what's going on. It has 400 likes, like, maybe I should feel less bad about how all my standup clips have three and a half legs when I see.

• 12:56Speaker 05

  They're gonna have someone, someone liked and unliked. Wait, what is-

• 12:59Speaker 04

  Someone like rested their finger on the button, they didn't press it all.

• 13:02Speaker 05

  I mean, she's nice enough.

• 13:03Speaker 04

  I mean, bless her heart, she's trying.

• 13:05Speaker 05

  No, shut up.

• 13:06Speaker 04

  But-

• 13:07Speaker 05

  Wait, what convinced you first? What convinced you first?

• 13:09Speaker 04

  This one video.

• 13:10Speaker 05

  Tell me now.

• 13:10Speaker 04

  Where she goes into Isles hell.

• 13:14Speaker 04

  She goes into the audience and she's like, she says a name of someone. She's like, hey, this name's coming up. And like a woman's like, hey, yeah, that's my son who died. And she goes, hey, like, he was murdered, wasn't he? And she was like, hey, yeah. And then the psychic's like, by this guy's name, right? And she's like, hey, yeah. And so you're thinking like, she could have Googled this. You know what I'm saying?

• 13:33Speaker 05

  Right.

• 13:33Speaker 04

  You're like, oh, she looks at all the ticket buyers and like she, this is like front page news probably.

• 13:38Speaker 05

  That's exactly what I'm thinking of.

• 13:39Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no. But no, no, no. Stay with me, stay with me, Diva. So then, she, by the way, I'm watching this, sobbing.

• 13:50Speaker 05

  You're sobbing. Sarah.

• 13:52Speaker 04

  Sarah.

• 13:53Speaker 05

  Sarah.

• 13:55Speaker 04

  See, if I had some carrots, maybe I would have to wear one.

• 13:58Speaker 05

  Hold on, what makes you think she's not just Googling?

• 14:00Speaker 04

  So then, she goes, so the, the, the mourning diva, the grieving diva is sitting next to-

• 14:07Speaker 05

  Not grieving diva, not grieving diva, not mourning Barbie. Oh my God, mourning Barbie in a black veil would be chic as fuck. Trixie Mattel, call them.

• 14:17Speaker 04

  Oh my God, Shiva Barbie, all the, all the mirrors covered.

• 14:20Speaker 05

  Just sitting in a, it comes sitting in a chair.

• 14:22Speaker 04

  Here, this is why you're doing well for yourself. This is kind of like entrepreneurial mentality. Okay.

• 14:29Speaker 05

  So mourning, mourning diva.

• 14:30Speaker 04

  She goes like, there's like a little old man sitting next to her and she's like, okay, so you guys are dating and just so you know, your murdered son loves your boyfriend. And she says to the boyfriend, just so you know, your dead wife loves, they thinks you guys should be together.

• 14:44Speaker 05

  How fucking convenient.

• 14:45Speaker 04

  And but, but how would she know that like, okay, okay, sure, she can look at the ticket holders, but how would she know that like they're dating but not married and that he has-

• 14:56Speaker 05

  Sarah, I do this at my shows.

• 14:58Speaker 04

  This is crowd work.

• 15:00Speaker 05

  This is crowd work and I do it. You do it as well. You look at two people and you go, clearly they're dating. Look at the way they're touching knees.

• 15:05Speaker 04

  But, but, but, but, right.

• 15:07Speaker 05

  And they're touching, if they're touching knees a lot, it's new.

• 15:10Speaker 04

  Well, well, I feel like if I see someone touching knees, I go immediately to the man, I go, I'm sorry, does she have, like, do you have consent from her? Like, what's going on?

• 15:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's taking advantage of you, sir. If she's bothering you, sir, you take his side automatically. Wait, can I say something? How hot is it when you have a crush on someone and you touch knees for the first time?

• 15:27Speaker 04

  It's like, hello, zing, electric, electricity through the pussy.

• 15:32Speaker 05

  Like, I literally could cry right now. That's so exciting.

• 15:34Speaker 04

  I know, your clit's hard right now.

• 15:35Speaker 05

  When you touch, it's like, yeah, we can, I'm sure, we could fuck or whatever, but like, touching knees?

• 15:39Speaker 04

  Right.

• 15:39Speaker 05

  Are you gonna get married?

• 15:41Speaker 04

  I've been thinking about this.

• 15:43Speaker 05

  Yeah? What are you thinking?

• 15:44Speaker 04

  I'm, thank you for asking. Um, I've been, and who says you're not an amazing interviewer?

• 15:50Speaker 05

  I know.

• 15:51Speaker 04

  There's many long reads.

• 15:52Speaker 05

  Many long reads about how talentless I am, but I'm here to prove them right.

• 15:55Speaker 04

  Hey!

• 15:58Speaker 04

  I famously, as everyone knows, have been in a very long-term relationship, and for some reason, I'm not married.

• 16:05Speaker 05

  Now, yeah.

• 16:05Speaker 04

  It just never has come up. We're very busy. I'm a perpetual child, but like, this would be the best fucking party of all time. I want to fucking go there.

• 16:14Speaker 05

  Are you guys open?

• 16:15Speaker 04

  No. Do you want to know why? Because I find it disgusting.

• 16:19Speaker 05

  Sarah, you can't say that if you want my audience to like you.

• 16:28Speaker 04

  I just, I, I simply don't have the time, but what I love about all of my, my, and listen, I have friends, everybody relax. All, all my friends are basically open, and I meet a lot of very interesting people this way, and I enjoy their openness. Unfortunately for me, at this time, on a day like today, on a night like tonight, in this era, in this economy, in 2026, it's not gonna be happening for me.

• 16:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:52Speaker 04

  I barely, with all this shit, well, I'm spending time on the, I'm three hours a day on the toilet, then I go to work. There's no job. Can you imagine? By the way, can you imagine?

• 17:02Speaker 05

  Having a casual hookup over and being like, you gotta get out of here. It's toilet time. It's toilet time, baby.

• 17:08Speaker 04

  It's tummy time and then it's toilet time.

• 17:09Speaker 05

  Tummy time, toilet time. You know I'm busy.

• 17:13Speaker 04

  Is on the mic.

• 17:14Speaker 05

  Don't, please don't call that out.

• 17:16Speaker 04

  I think it's from my pants, but.

• 17:18Speaker 05

  Not in the so true deal, please. Please not in the so true deal. You know, it's important for us that you like it here.

• 17:23Speaker 04

  So true deal.

• 17:23Speaker 05

  I know, we need to get a little sign. Are you, you're an open. I did, I've done open. Yeah. I am experimenting with potentially being extremely conservative again.

• 17:33Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 17:33Speaker 05

  In a gay way. Right. I think open, open, well, here, well, let's just talk about it.

• 17:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:39Speaker 05

  The benefit of open is that you get to fuck a lot of people.

• 17:42Speaker 04

  Right.

• 17:43Speaker 05

  That's awesome.

• 17:44Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 17:44Speaker 05

  The downside of open is that it causes you to question everything you thought you knew to be true. Okay.

• 17:52Speaker 04

  So true.

• 17:54Speaker 05

  So, so you take a look and you go, and then, yeah, there's, then you have closed, traditional monogamy, right? There's one thing about that is that it makes you feel extremely imprisoned.

• 18:05Speaker 04

  Right.

• 18:05Speaker 05

  But prison is secure and safe.

• 18:07Speaker 04

  Totally. And sometimes I fantasize about, you know, I would just like to be locked up for like a small amount of time where I can't do or say anything and I just have to lie down.

• 18:15Speaker 05

  I see that for you.

• 18:16Speaker 04

  Thank you. Or go to a hospital, either go to a hospital or a prison for a couple of days.

• 18:20Speaker 05

  I think probably hospital.

• 18:21Speaker 04

  Right.

• 18:22Speaker 05

  I think probably hospital, just because I don't see you committing a crime.

• 18:25Speaker 04

  That's interesting.

• 18:26Speaker 05

  Do you think you'd commit a big crime? I do think you're cool, but I think you're cool in a way where like you would go to the mental hospital first.

• 18:32Speaker 04

  Right. Thank you for saying that. And thank you for saying that.

• 18:34Speaker 05

  Some of my favorite people have been in the mental hospital.

• 18:36Speaker 04

  Of course. I know, I would say one, two, 400 bisexuals who have been there.

• 18:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:41Speaker 04

  And I love them.

• 18:41Speaker 05

  They're really in there.

• 18:42Speaker 04

  They're really in there. I, I, I, I, I, here's my thing about open.

• 18:47Speaker 05

  Don't say it.

• 18:48Speaker 04

  And again, I love all my she's and they's who are open. I love them to death. I sometimes wonder if, how they have a day job and that at the same time.

• 18:59Speaker 05

  Well, they're not good at their day jobs. And a lot of their day jobs are fake. They're an account manager. When you're an account manager, you can make anything happen.

• 19:06Speaker 04

  There are so, yes. And by the way, when you say account manager, you say something like that and I go, well, what is that?

• 19:12Speaker 05

  Right.

• 19:13Speaker 04

  There are so many jobs where I go, well, what is that?

• 19:15Speaker 05

  Account manager and project manager are the jobs I go to when I'm like, I don't really know what that means.

• 19:20Speaker 04

  Right.

• 19:21Speaker 05

  You make 85 to 316,000 dollars a year.

• 19:25Speaker 04

  Right.

• 19:25Speaker 05

  To ultimately be at the park in the middle of the day. And I love, by the way, that's one of the coolest things I've ever heard.

• 19:30Speaker 04

  It was like amazing. I'm jealous.

• 19:32Speaker 05

  I'm happy for you.

• 19:32Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 19:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, I just, but you've been open and you would say that it takes, you're like, well, are you either doing the relationships or doing your job?

• 19:43Speaker 05

  Well, here's the thing. I'm open, I've done open sexually. I'm never carrying on multiple relationships.

• 19:48Speaker 04

  Right, right.

• 19:48Speaker 05

  I'm like, I'm with, I'm in a relationship and I'm sleeping with other people. That's mostly just because I'm gone all the time. And I'm like, what, gonna be not getting laid all the time?

• 19:57Speaker 04

  Right.

• 19:57Speaker 05

  That sucks.

• 19:58Speaker 04

  That's kind of your thing is you're getting laid all the time. It's like basically before I got to the studio, I was literally swatting guys off of you. I was like, hey!

• 20:05Speaker 05

  You know, I'm just saying if you're gone all the time, it's like, what, you're not gonna have sex? I'm not gonna have sex? What, it's like, what, this is like the war or something?

• 20:12Speaker 04

  Right.

• 20:13Speaker 05

  Like you're like waiting on me to return from war?

• 20:14Speaker 04

  And I like that. I like to punish. I like to hold out. I like to, this is, I like, I like deprivation mindset. 15, I thought that was all we had left.

• 20:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:24Speaker 04

  Very, I like being strict. I don't like being fun. And I like saying to my boyfriend, like, you can't have, you'll never have sex with another woman for again, for as long as you live.

• 20:37Speaker 05

  First I thought you were doing a peace sign. You'll never have sex with another woman for as long as you live.

• 20:44Speaker 05

  Being cute right after. Quirked up, fucking quirked up white girl. You're Jewish.

• 20:49Speaker 04

  No. I signed up for the first time. No!

• 20:53Speaker 05

  So, you fall to your knees.

• 20:55Speaker 04

  Please, take it away. And it is a disability and I'll explain.

• 21:04Speaker 04

  It does give me IBS and therefore.

• 21:07Speaker 05

  First of all.

• 21:08Speaker 04

  First of all, and second of all, so I never like thought about, I mean, obviously I thought about hell because I'm like, Iron Maiden.

• 21:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 21:16Speaker 04

  Or whatever, of course. Or like, or like fucking Tim Curry playing like the devil and like legend. Tom Cruise was really hot in that movie. But like, oh, I actually am thinking about health for, we are getting interesting today.

• 21:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 21:31Speaker 04

  We'll go back to the psychic.

• 21:32Speaker 05

  I like it. I like seeing you like this.

• 21:34Speaker 04

  On my knees? No.

• 21:37Speaker 05

  Well, no, not begging for Judaism to be removed from your body. Not that part.

• 21:41Speaker 04

  I was like, I'm like, oh, my God, I think about hell now constantly because I think about how like, every time I see an ICE agent on the news, I'm like, oh, you're going there. Like, hell is real and you're going there.

• 21:54Speaker 05

  I've been saying they're randomly, like, in a roundabout way, their mission to make everyone Christian is kind of working on me.

• 22:00Speaker 04

  Yes, yes.

• 22:00Speaker 05

  Because now I'm wanting hell to be real so that they have somewhere to suffer forever.

• 22:03Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 22:03Speaker 05

  I'm like, every single ICE agent, no matter why they got into it, no matter which, I don't care if they're just like, checking paperwork at the office.

• 22:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:11Speaker 05

  If you work for ICE, when you die,

• 22:13Speaker 04

  Right.

• 22:13Speaker 05

  you will burn in hell for all eternity.

• 22:14Speaker 04

  Right.

• 22:15Speaker 05

  And I need to believe that so that I can believe something will happen to these fucking freaks.

• 22:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:19Speaker 05

  Other than just how ugly and pathetic they are.

• 22:20Speaker 04

  Right.

• 22:21Speaker 05

  Like, obviously, this existence is also hell for them. They look like that, but I need something to happen afterwards as well.

• 22:26Speaker 04

  And nobody likes them. They walk down the street and everyone goes, boo, you suck, bitch.

• 22:31Speaker 05

  They fall down and people are like cheering and clapping. People love them falling down. Yeah, I mean, it's a totally sad existence and they're doing it all for like, what, a Camaro? I don't, it's just like completely pathetic. I need to believe that something bad happens to them when they die.

• 22:43Speaker 04

  Right.

• 22:44Speaker 05

  Not saying they should die.

• 22:45Speaker 04

  Right, no.

• 22:46Speaker 05

  I totally hope that they live, they're doing their jobs.

• 22:48Speaker 04

  No, of course.

• 22:49Speaker 05

  Um, but yeah, I think when they die, they should go to hell.

• 22:52Speaker 04

  And I've never, and I think about, like, I know that, like, I have so many friends who grew up in the church.

• 23:01Speaker 05

  In the church? Have you ever heard of it?

• 23:04Speaker 04

  Or like, grew up, like, my, you know, my boyfriend grew up Catholic and so like, nuns would be like, don't jerk off or you're gonna go to hell. And so they grow up like, being, like, when you grew up, were you like, I'm afraid of hell?

• 23:16Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, terrified.

• 23:18Speaker 04

  See, this is, I never had this.

• 23:20Speaker 05

  I know, you guys have a way cooler thing going on, yeah.

• 23:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, which is just like, yeah.

• 23:24Speaker 05

  I took, I took an Intro to Judaism class in Chicago.

• 23:27Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 23:28Speaker 05

  Did you know that?

• 23:28Speaker 04

  No, you're Jewish curious.

• 23:30Speaker 05

  Rabbi. Shout out, girl. Actually, don't shout her out. We'll cut that out. I'm not sure about her politics regarding Israel.

• 23:39Speaker 05

  So we're actually gonna take that shout out out. I will bleep that. Yeah, I took a, and I was so fascinated to learn. I didn't grow up around any other faiths at all. So I got really curious about all of them.

• 23:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:49Speaker 05

  And I was so fascinated to learn that you guys were just growing up without like a fear of burning alive forever.

• 23:53Speaker 04

  No, I was just afraid of my mom. Like, that's it.

• 23:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:56Speaker 04

  Like, oh my god, she's gonna be so looking at me out of the sides of her eyes if I do this. And that was enough.

• 24:00Speaker 05

  That was enough, by the way.

• 24:02Speaker 04

  That was enough, by the way. But I actually think I've lost some fantasy. Cause there's a lot of like imaginary fantasy with like being a kid, being like, thinking about what hell looks like. Like, that's basically Lord of the Rings. You know what I'm saying?

• 24:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 24:17Speaker 04

  Like, it's like, I missed out on like dragons and like Jesus shooting lasers out of his eyes or whatever.

• 24:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 24:23Speaker 04

  So now I'm 27.

• 24:28Speaker 04

  Thinking about hell for, sorry, just check the clock, 24.

• 24:34Speaker 05

  So now, here at 21 years old.

• 24:36Speaker 04

  Barely legal. I'm all of a sudden actually meditating on hell for the first time in my life, for real.

• 24:42Speaker 05

  Really?

• 24:43Speaker 04

  Cause I'm thinking about these guys going there.

• 24:45Speaker 05

  Yeah. The big, the big turn off for me on Christianity, there were a little small one, a bunch of little small ones. But the big one that I was like, I really can't do this anymore, when I was a teenager, was the idea that every other, like, the idea of Christianity is that every good Muslim person, every good Jewish person, every good Sikh person, like, everybody who's not Christian, even if they're a phenomenal human being, they all go to hell. I was like, this won't work. This is crazy. That makes no fucking sense.

• 25:08Speaker 04

  Well, so like, I would go to the hell, the hell.

• 25:11Speaker 05

  You would go to the hell that the ICE agents are in. And they wouldn't go to hell. They wouldn't go to hell.

• 25:14Speaker 04

  Oh, because they're Christian.

• 25:15Speaker 05

  Cause they like Jesus, some of them.

• 25:16Speaker 04

  Is that actually Christian?

• 25:18Speaker 05

  That is Christian. Yes, that's Christianity. It's crazy. Not enough people are talking about this. Christianity is crazy.

• 25:27Speaker 04

  The weird thing is, like, no one's talking about it.

• 25:30Speaker 05

  I forget how crazy it is sometimes, cause my mom's one of the cool Christians that's like, everybody is good. We love everybody. Like, she fucking loves trans people. Like, she's like a Jesus Christian.

• 25:38Speaker 04

  Right.

• 25:39Speaker 05

  It's kinda like Meg.

• 25:40Speaker 04

  No, Jesus is boo- Yes, exactly. Meg is very, Meg was the first person I ever met that who was like Jesus Rocks.

• 25:48Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 25:48Speaker 04

  And then I read that Zealot book or whatever. I was like, oh, he's hanging out with like fucking prostitutes. And he's like a hippie with sandals. He was a sandals hippie.

• 25:56Speaker 05

  Jesus Christ was sick. His fans are weird.

• 25:59Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 25:59Speaker 05

  His fans are weird as fuck.

• 26:00Speaker 04

  Well, we know many fandoms like this.

• 26:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:03Speaker 04

  Unfortunately.

• 26:04Speaker 05

  How do you feel about your fans? Are you, do you get in trouble with your publicists a lot?

• 26:08Speaker 04

  Um.

• 26:09Speaker 05

  Are you like?

• 26:09Speaker 04

  Is the HBO publicist in the room with them now?

• 26:13Speaker 04

  Well, I don't.

• 26:13Speaker 05

  They have a sniper rifle in the corner of the room, just in case you talk bad about the company?

• 26:16Speaker 04

  I don't have a personal publicist. I have, like, we work with like SNL PR and HBO PR to, um, tell people to be watching, you know. We don't have a personal one. Oh, yeah.

• 26:29Speaker 05

  You want to plug it now? Plug it now. Do a sincere plug, sir.

• 26:32Speaker 04

  Say with my chise. I had a special that came out on HBO a couple of months after Caleb's beautiful special. And it would boo. If you guys don't want to burn in fucking hell for all of eternity, hell, they watch it.

• 26:42Speaker 05

  Go watch Sarah's special on HBO or you're burning hell for eternity.

• 26:45Speaker 04

  Hey, click this link, YouTube.

• 26:49Speaker 05

  We're gonna do a minute long pause of us just doing this. Up to the link.

• 26:53Speaker 04

  It's on a green screen. It becomes a, you edit into a GIF of us like jacking off to, um.

• 26:58Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:58Speaker 04

  Whatever. This is jacking off.

• 27:00Speaker 05

  Jacking off to whatever, of course.

• 27:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, of course.

• 27:03Speaker 04

  This is what pissing is.

• 27:04Speaker 05

  This is why I ask if you're getting in trouble with your publicists.

• 27:06Speaker 04

  Right.

• 27:07Speaker 05

  Or in general, like, I feel like I say whatever I want all the time and I can, I can feel my publicist starting to get scared of me.

• 27:13Speaker 04

  Oh, you be saying. I remember, I remember, you stay saying. I remember when you got, you did get in trouble. Did you get, did you incur the wrath of the bisexual army?

• 27:24Speaker 05

  I'm in trouble every week, sir. There's really, there's, I, I could say something so innocuous and never in a million years. You think I would put it out if I thought I was gonna get in trouble? I say these things thinking I'm fine.

• 27:33Speaker 04

  Right.

• 27:33Speaker 05

  And then someone gets mad at me. I can't even count the number of communities that have been upset with me. But I'm like, this is, we're supposed to be having fun. I think we're having fun.

• 27:41Speaker 04

  Also, like, what, I, I, I, I'm cur, what could we even say? I, what would we be talking about then?

• 27:48Speaker 05

  What do you want me to talk about?

• 27:50Speaker 04

  Snap all facts on the cap.

• 27:54Speaker 04

  The only thing I could think of.

• 27:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's, that's, that's PG.

• 27:58Speaker 04

  Why don't we read this?

• 27:59Speaker 05

  I love when you go into this.

• 28:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, who is this?

• 28:01Speaker 05

  This Meek person I like.

• 28:02Speaker 04

  This is kind of a new character.

• 28:04Speaker 05

  I like Meek Sarah.

• 28:05Speaker 04

  No. Hey guys.

• 28:10Speaker 05

  It's kind of, who does it remind me of? It reminds me of, um.

• 28:13Speaker 04

  Jiminy Cricket.

• 28:13Speaker 05

  Nah, well, maybe. Well. No, it reminds me of like Kate McCucci.

• 28:19Speaker 04

  Hey guys.

• 28:20Speaker 05

  Shout out Kate.

• 28:21Speaker 04

  Shout out Kate.

• 28:22Speaker 05

  Like you're gonna pull out a ukulele and like do us a song.

• 28:24Speaker 04

  I, she's so cute.

• 28:26Speaker 05

  She's adorable. I wish I was adorable.

• 28:28Speaker 04

  I, you are.

• 28:29Speaker 05

  No, you know what I mean? You have to be small to be cute.

• 28:31Speaker 04

  Look at that. I, well, I have the, I have the reverse fit. I wish I was like 10 feet tall.

• 28:36Speaker 05

  Really?

• 28:37Speaker 04

  I was like, then I'd get some fucking respect in this town.

• 28:39Speaker 05

  I'm strong and handsome. I wish I was cute.

• 28:41Speaker 04

  Like a tiny, oh.

• 28:43Speaker 05

  You have to be so small. You're small, Sarah. You're cute.

• 28:47Speaker 04

  But I feel so, look at the big shoes I wear. I feel like I wa, I like being imposing.

• 28:52Speaker 05

  Your shoes are big.

• 28:52Speaker 04

  You know what I'm saying?

• 28:53Speaker 05

  You want to be, you want to be like scary to people.

• 28:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, I want to like lord over people and be like, hey.

• 28:58Speaker 05

  If you had a different haircut and you dressed less awesome.

• 29:01Speaker 04

  I know.

• 29:01Speaker 05

  You would be so adorable coded.

• 29:03Speaker 04

  I know.

• 29:04Speaker 05

  You're like, you're like, to me, you're like, to me, you're like, like this like crazy fun chick, you know? But if you had.

• 29:12Speaker 04

  I dare you. I'd say you.

• 29:13Speaker 05

  If you had a bob.

• 29:16Speaker 05

  You'd be like a cute little girl, you know?

• 29:17Speaker 04

  Bowen is obsessed when I have a bob. When I go like this in a bob wig at work, like. It drives, it drives men insane.

• 29:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 29:27Speaker 04

  When I have a little bob.

• 29:28Speaker 05

  It drives them wild. It would drive me wild. It drives gay men insane. A bob drives gay men insane.

• 29:33Speaker 04

  It does.

• 29:34Speaker 05

  If a woman gets a bob, it's for the, it's for the gay male gaze.

• 29:36Speaker 04

  And, and, and what is it? Is it because they just like saying like, bob?

• 29:40Speaker 05

  No, gay men.

• 29:42Speaker 04

  Not, not to drag gay guys through the hell.

• 29:46Speaker 05

  He really dragged us there.

• 29:50Speaker 05

  April 15th tax deadline is coming fast, but don't worry, you can hand off your taxes to an Intuit TurboTax expert today. Doing taxes the old way comes with so many frustrating steps that can make the whole process feel so overwhelming. Things like waiting around for someone else to get around to doing things on their schedule, worrying about whether or not they messed something up, chasing updates, and all of this only gets worse the closer to that April 15th deadline we get. With Intuit TurboTax, you can hand off your taxes to a dedicated full-service expert. Full-service expert, that was my nickname in college.

• 30:24Speaker 05

  They understand your specific tax situation and can do your taxes for you entirely from start to finish. Online or in person at one of their new tech-enabled store locations. Tech-enabled store locations. That was my nickname in college. Have your tax forms directly imported right into the app and hand everything off to your Intuit TurboTax expert. While they work on your taxes for you and work tirelessly to get you every dollar you deserve, you can go about your normal routines and do things you actually care about, like bike rides with friends, a stroll around a bookstore, or taking yourself on a movie date. Well, yeah, now that they're handling your taxes, you can finally go on that movie date you've been wanting to go on.

• 31:06Speaker 05

  Don't wait. Visit TurboTax.com and hand off your taxes to an Intuit TurboTax expert today. Folks, there's a lot of things in life you shouldn't have to do alone, like driving yourself home from surgery or handling all your personal finances. Lucky for you, our friends at Rocket Money have the financial stuff covered so you can easily make smart decisions. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending. Sounds like my wife.

• 31:33Speaker 05

  And helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings and put the money towards things that really matter, like a big family vacation or a new car. See all your subscriptions in one place and know exactly where your money is going. For ones you don't want anymore, Rocket Money can help you cancel them in just a few clicks. Cancelled in just a few clicks.

• 31:53Speaker 05

  Cancelled in just a few clicks. What is this? Twitter?

• 32:03Speaker 05

  Okay, I love you too much. See all of your subscriptions in one place and know exactly where your money is going. For ones you don't want anymore, yeah, you can cancel in a few clicks. They have tools that automatically create transaction categorization across accounts, plus customizable categories and tags to reveal spending patterns and add context. Wanting to start saving for that big family vacation this summer? These tools are here to help. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com/sotrue.

• 32:33Speaker 05

  That was hurtful. Who's your favorite gay guy? You don't have to say me just because you're here.

• 32:36Speaker 04

  Joan Rivers.

• 32:37Speaker 05

  No worries.

• 32:39Speaker 05

  No worries. No worries at all.

• 32:42Speaker 04

  Hey, I have to go to the bathroom.

• 32:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:44Speaker 04

  Sobbing during your TikTok.

• 32:46Speaker 05

  You hear me in there? When your friend's a huge bitch to you and you have to pretend it's okay. I come back out, let's get back to it, shall we?

• 32:53Speaker 04

  You're like, fuck, I have to make it seem like I was going to the bathroom and you're

• 32:57Speaker 04

  right, Sarah, you like that poopy girl?

• 32:59Speaker 05

  Sarah, you like poop stuff, right, girl? It's funny that you didn't pick a gay guy, though. You went for Joan Rivers.

• 33:04Speaker 04

  It was like literally the first guy. Like you said gay guy and I went Joan.

• 33:08Speaker 05

  She's the inspirer. She's the inspo.

• 33:09Speaker 04

  She's the inspirer.

• 33:10Speaker 05

  She's the inspirer.

• 33:10Speaker 04

  Who's your favorite gay guy?

• 33:11Speaker 05

  My favorite gay guy? Can't pick me?

• 33:14Speaker 04

  You can't pick you.

• 33:15Speaker 05

  My favorite gay guy? Oh, my gosh. Bruce Valanche.

• 33:19Speaker 04

  Oh, that's good. He should come on the fucking podcast.

• 33:23Speaker 05

  He's not allowed.

• 33:24Speaker 04

  Why?

• 33:25Speaker 05

  I don't know him. I only have people I know on the show.

• 33:28Speaker 04

  Is that so true?

• 33:29Speaker 05

  That's completely true.

• 33:30Speaker 04

  We have so many guests. How many people do you know?

• 33:32Speaker 05

  Nobody gets more annoyed than, you should see the requests that come in. They, people are mad at me.

• 33:37Speaker 04

  And you're like, I don't know you, bitch.

• 33:38Speaker 05

  I say, let's go to lunch or something first. And then they say, it's not that serious to us. And I go, okay.

• 33:42Speaker 04

  Wait, why, why, why, why, why?

• 33:47Speaker 05

  Because everybody does celebrity interviews. I'm like bored by that. I'm like, let's have an actual conversation. Let's get to know each other a little bit.

• 33:52Speaker 04

  Who would you like, be like, break down the fucking barriers and be like, I understand that you don't, hold on. Sorry. Pardon my French.

• 34:05Speaker 04

  I wanted to, do you see that? You were like, Sarah, speak up.

• 34:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:09Speaker 04

  Say it with your chest, and I did.

• 34:10Speaker 05

  You did. It was beautiful, the way you're acting.

• 34:12Speaker 04

  And if you bleep that out, you're silencing the female narrative.

• 34:15Speaker 05

  Oh, we won't.

• 34:16Speaker 04

  You magnify it. Can you get louder? Can you louden?

• 34:18Speaker 05

  We're gonna make your burp so loud.

• 34:19Speaker 04

  Great.

• 34:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:21Speaker 04

  If, who would you be like, okay, I know we don't know each other and you are on, like, you are literally like a person that I actually can't even get to know, but you can come on my podcast.

• 34:32Speaker 05

  I don't think there's anybody.

• 34:33Speaker 04

  No.

• 34:34Speaker 05

  I don't think there's anybody, but it could change. I'm not, I'm not held to any of this.

• 34:37Speaker 04

  What if Trump was literally like, you want, I'll come on?

• 34:41Speaker 05

  Well, none of his stupid little, like, weak alpha shit would work on me.

• 34:45Speaker 04

  Right.

• 34:45Speaker 05

  Like, his dumb little handshake thing where he tries to pull someone in.

• 34:47Speaker 04

  Right.

• 34:48Speaker 05

  You're not gonna pull me in.

• 34:49Speaker 04

  Right.

• 34:50Speaker 05

  I would just-

• 34:50Speaker 04

  I'm standing my ground.

• 34:51Speaker 05

  I'm standing, I'm standing my ground, I'm standing on business. It's not clocking to you, Trump.

• 34:58Speaker 04

  What was the full sentence?

• 35:00Speaker 05

  What?

• 35:00Speaker 04

  What was the full sentence? It's not clocking to you, is it?

• 35:02Speaker 05

  It's not clocking to you that I'm standing on business.

• 35:05Speaker 04

  Is it?

• 35:05Speaker 05

  Is it? You were obsessed with this.

• 35:06Speaker 04

  I was!

• 35:07Speaker 05

  Was this when we were in New York?

• 35:08Speaker 04

  Yes!

• 35:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 35:09Speaker 04

  I was obsessed with, is it? Business, is it?

• 35:12Speaker 05

  Sarah was walking around our, this little house that we had in upstate New York, just talking to no one out loud, being like, "It's not clocking to you guys." "You guys aren't clocking my business."

• 35:22Speaker 04

  I became like a STEM.

• 35:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 35:23Speaker 04

  Business, is it?

• 35:25Speaker 05

  Is it?

• 35:25Speaker 04

  Dude, like, and then, that, he-

• 35:29Speaker 05

  He's attractive.

• 35:30Speaker 04

  He did something there, didn't he?

• 35:31Speaker 05

  He's attractive to me. Are you attracted to him? I need him.

• 35:35Speaker 04

  He is my, like, he is, he is the same age as and looks like my little brother. So when he's on that fucking stage at the fucking Grammys in his fucking underwear, just like, fucking, like-

• 35:46Speaker 05

  I want your little brother.

• 35:49Speaker 04

  Gotta be, well, if I'm 24.

• 35:55Speaker 04

  And get your hands off of him!

• 35:56Speaker 05

  Yeah. Don't touch him!

• 35:58Speaker 04

  I want your little brother.

• 35:59Speaker 05

  Well, I'm just like, Justin Bieber's like in his 30s, you have a little brother in his 30s?

• 36:03Speaker 04

  Is he in his 30s?

• 36:04Speaker 05

  Justin Bieber?

• 36:05Speaker 04

  Isn't he like, but he's a, he's America's little prince, isn't he?

• 36:09Speaker 05

  For about 20 years now.

• 36:11Speaker 04

  Sorry, Canada.

• 36:14Speaker 05

  Canada's little prince.

• 36:14Speaker 04

  Right.

• 36:15Speaker 05

  You know I discovered him.

• 36:17Speaker 04

  You were one of the YouTube beliebers?

• 36:19Speaker 05

  I was a belieber before. No one wants to talk about this. The media tries to silence me. Before Usher got there, before any record labels, I was watching him cover Brian McKnight on YouTube, because I was looking up Brian McKnight Back at One covers. And guess who had one? Justin Bieber. Ask me how many views were on the video when I got there.

• 36:37Speaker 04

  Forty-two.

• 36:38Speaker 05

  Well, like a thousand, but it's a very small number. I was watching him sing Chris Brown, sorry, covers on YouTube before all the hitting and stuff. And I was the, I was a belieber.

• 36:52Speaker 04

  Not many people fucking have it. Not many people have that fucking X Factor. Not many people have the star power. Not many people have it. He has IT.

• 37:01Speaker 05

  Do you have a musical talent?

• 37:04Speaker 04

  This comes up. This comes up at my job. Someone's like, hey, like, we have a song and like, people have to sing it. And I go gun to head. I could do it.

• 37:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 37:16Speaker 04

  Because isn't that the thing with singing? Like, everyone can sing. You just don't feel like you can? Like, you just don't belieber in yourself enough?

• 37:22Speaker 05

  I have the opposite thing.

• 37:23Speaker 04

  No.

• 37:23Speaker 05

  I can't, but I really think I can.

• 37:25Speaker 04

  I feel it. Okay, judgment free zone, just fucking go.

• 37:28Speaker 05

  Just fucking go?

• 37:29Speaker 04

  My, my eyes are literally closed.

• 37:31Speaker 05

  Oh, say, can you see? By the what? By the dawn's early light.

• 37:41Speaker 04

  Oh, well, kill him!

• 37:42Speaker 05

  What's so proud that we have? But see, what you're hearing is like, yeah, I hit a dumb little gay guy run. I, in my ears, I'm like, that was Aretha. I was doing Aretha. Like, I'm like, I was on a level right there that like, most people can't achieve. And that's the disconnect of my kind of.

• 37:59Speaker 04

  Well, not to fist your ego, but that sounded like, kind of fucking amazing to me.

• 38:02Speaker 05

  Did it sound like Aretha? No, and so that's my problem is I feel like I sound like Aretha. And in fact, I sound like a gay guy who was like, the fourth best guy in his musical theater program. That's the, my issue.

• 38:14Speaker 04

  And this is what you were talking about, where you're like, I'm not a narcissist, but I exhibit moments where it is bordering on.

• 38:18Speaker 05

  I have, I have moments where I love myself a little too loudly.

• 38:22Speaker 04

  Hey, hey!

• 38:25Speaker 05

  Sometimes I think I'm Aretha. Oh my god.

• 38:27Speaker 04

  If you had to audition for what?

• 38:29Speaker 05

  Just, I just thought about her at Carole King's Mark Twain Prize.

• 38:33Speaker 04

  Let it out.

• 38:34Speaker 05

  Or Kennedy Center Honors. Did you ever see that?

• 38:35Speaker 04

  No.

• 38:36Speaker 05

  She comes out.

• 38:37Speaker 04

  No.

• 38:38Speaker 05

  Aretha.

• 38:39Speaker 04

  No.

• 38:39Speaker 05

  Comes out.

• 38:40Speaker 04

  No.

• 38:40Speaker 05

  Fur coat.

• 38:41Speaker 04

  No.

• 38:41Speaker 05

  Splendor.

• 38:42Speaker 04

  No.

• 38:42Speaker 05

  Fur coat splendor. Purse in hand, not leaving it backstage.

• 38:45Speaker 04

  Well, cause you can't trust those.

• 38:47Speaker 05

  And she doesn't. Sets the purse on the piano, sits down, starts playing You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman. Carole King sobbing. Barack Obama sobbing. Me sobbing. Everyone sobbing. I'm not in the room. I'm sobbing at home watching on YouTube.

• 38:58Speaker 04

  But like in a way you were. In a way you were in the room.

• 39:00Speaker 05

  I wish I was.

• 39:01Speaker 04

  Maybe that's heaven. If we, if hell is like whatever, getting fisted by a thousand devils and the sixth ring of hell.

• 39:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, no, you got it.

• 39:09Speaker 04

  Then that's heaven.

• 39:10Speaker 05

  No, you got it. And heaven is listening to Aretha sing.

• 39:13Speaker 04

  And like sobbing with Barack Obama.

• 39:14Speaker 05

  Oh god, I do, I do want to go to a concert with Barack. I think, I went to Amber Mark recently and I feel like Barack would have had a great time at it.

• 39:21Speaker 04

  Well, he's always putting out, he's like, this is my playlist. And I'm like, oh, please. Sorry. Yeah, okay.

• 39:27Speaker 05

  He keeps getting dunked on. He keeps, he keeps being like, I love this indie musician. And then that musician's like, you're a war criminal. They never address it.

• 39:34Speaker 04

  Great.

• 39:35Speaker 05

  There's like, he still loves the song. I don't know what to tell you.

• 39:37Speaker 04

  They're playing it on the fucking drones. Great.

• 39:39Speaker 05

  That whole jig was up when he started putting out that he loved Boy Genius songs. I was like, you don't need to be listening to Boy Genius.

• 39:44Speaker 04

  Right. And it's like.

• 39:44Speaker 05

  You have enough.

• 39:45Speaker 04

  You're, by the way, look at yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror. You're, you're getting up there.

• 39:50Speaker 05

  You're like too old to be listening to Boy Genius and telling us about it.

• 39:53Speaker 04

  Right.

• 39:53Speaker 05

  At least have the decency to listen to it in private. Yeah.

• 39:55Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 39:56Speaker 05

  Don't do that to them.

• 39:56Speaker 04

  Did you see Barbara at the Oscars?

• 39:59Speaker 05

  Who?

• 40:01Speaker 00

  Ugh, I hate Mondays.

• 40:03Speaker 01

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite?

• 40:04Speaker 00

  Uh, Taylor Hanson? Sure, I'll try one.

• 40:08Speaker 04

  Mmm.

• 40:10Speaker 02

  Hey, let's get back to work, please.

• 40:12Speaker 00

  But Taylor Hanson's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites.

• 40:16Speaker 02

  Taylor Hanson? Nice.

• 40:18Speaker 01

  Try one.

• 40:20Speaker 02

  Mmm.

• 40:23Speaker 03

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. There's nothing like it.

• 40:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, let's just, just light me. Just fucking light me.

• 40:36Speaker 05

  I'm really sorry. I didn't watch the Oscars and now I'm feeling bad, but what, did someone have a viral moment?

• 40:40Speaker 04

  Barbra Streisand sang

• 40:41Speaker 05

  Oh, I didn't know she did something.

• 40:43Speaker 04

  In memoriam at the Oscars.

• 40:45Speaker 05

  For who?

• 40:46Speaker 04

  And Robert Redford, and I was sobbing.

• 40:52Speaker 05

  Oh, you loved it?

• 40:53Speaker 04

  I, cuz it was like a jump, like, oh, you never think, like, Babs singing live, when do you think that's just gonna happen?

• 41:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:01Speaker 04

  So she, first of all, she gave like a 15 minute monologue and everyone's like, oh, kind of, what are you talking about? And she was at a podium that had a stationary mic.

• 41:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:09Speaker 04

  And she brings out a wireless second mic.

• 41:14Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 41:14Speaker 04

  Stays at the podium where there's the first mic. And fucking go sobbing, faucet on.

• 41:21Speaker 05

  Did she kill it?

• 41:24Speaker 04

  I mean, you saw the Google images you just brought up on the monitor.

• 41:27Speaker 05

  I didn't see any Google images. I'm so sorry.

• 41:29Speaker 04

  If you, if we put on a video right now of a woman singing that would make you sob, would it be?

• 41:34Speaker 05

  Oh, right now, a woman singing that would make me sob? Um, the first thing I thought of wasn't a woman. Fuck, that's embarrassing.

• 41:40Speaker 04

  Who was it?

• 41:41Speaker 05

  It was fucking Frank Ocean covering, uh, him singing I Miss You at the Bowery Ballroom. Cell phone footage from the audience.

• 41:48Speaker 04

  Whoa, whoa.

• 41:50Speaker 05

  I get stoned and listen to this song sometimes and just think about what's all going on.

• 41:53Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 41:54Speaker 05

  In the world.

• 41:54Speaker 04

  And that's for you.

• 41:56Speaker 05

  Sob, sob. Oh, Frank Ocean, if you can hear me, we're ready for new music and if you need a boyfriend.

• 42:02Speaker 04

  Is Frank Ocean in the room right now?

• 42:04Speaker 05

  Frank Ocean, Frank, Frank, Frank, you wanna put out music? You wanna put out music. I want him to put out music.

• 42:10Speaker 04

  I, you know what? He never entered my, kind of, my, my, he never pierced the veil of my bubble.

• 42:17Speaker 05

  I am hurt but not surprised.

• 42:18Speaker 04

  Okay, and I'll take that and I'll learn and I'm do, I'm sitting my white ass down and I'm listening.

• 42:22Speaker 05

  Thank you. I'm putting my hair in a messy bun and I'm handling it. I'm putting on some Frank Ocean, I'm putting my hair in a messy bun.

• 42:27Speaker 04

  I'm putting on my dance goes, I'm putting on my scrubs and I'm clocking into the music hospital.

• 42:31Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 42:31Speaker 04

  And I'm putting my gloves on and I'm ready to learn.

• 42:34Speaker 05

  I should make you a playlist.

• 42:35Speaker 04

  Oh, I'll take that.

• 42:36Speaker 05

  I should make you a playlist.

• 42:36Speaker 04

  I'll make you a playlist in return. You're not gonna like what you hear.

• 42:39Speaker 05

  No, I will. I like that kinda stuff.

• 42:40Speaker 04

  Well, you know the song that makes me cry without fail every single time? Christmas shoes.

• 42:44Speaker 05

  Oh, Sarah. That's, that's like designed in a lab to be hurtful. That's like a curse.

• 42:51Speaker 04

  And it works.

• 42:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:52Speaker 04

  Every single time.

• 42:53Speaker 05

  Oh, the Christmas shoes, they're for Christmas.

• 42:55Speaker 04

  They're for Christmas, but she can't.

• 42:56Speaker 05

  But she can't. Of course. They're for Christmas, but she can't.

• 43:03Speaker 05

  Oh yeah, the Christmas shoes. Oh God, I wish she could. Do not cry right now. You have to do four more podcasts today. Who else podcasts are you doing today?

• 43:12Speaker 04

  Let me see, Bill Maher.

• 43:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, you love that guy. You guys are like always spotted canoodling.

• 43:20Speaker 04

  Dumas always catching us at Belvizar, like fucking hitting the vape and going on Club Random.

• 43:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, I saw you and Bill sharing a cigar via karota recently.

• 43:29Speaker 04

  We did a human centipede on at Dimes.

• 43:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:33Speaker 04

  And you're spotted, you're spotted centipeding at Dimes.

• 43:37Speaker 05

  What was that picture of you sitting on his lap at Corner Store?

• 43:39Speaker 04

  No, I was sitting on his face at the Plaza Hotel. Yeah, so that's what you saw.

• 43:48Speaker 05

  Yeah, we were in the lobby at the Bowery 69-ing and...

• 43:51Speaker 04

  Right. Oh, you must have been talking about the blurry photograph that they thought was footage of Bigfoot, but it was me and Bill Maher. Let me think of a new sex thing.

• 44:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, try to think of, get a new sex thing for the bit.

• 44:04Speaker 04

  Gaping? Well...

• 44:07Speaker 05

  It doesn't work really with the Bigfoot thing.

• 44:09Speaker 04

  Right, so if someone saw, not they saw Bigfoot, but it was actually just me getting out of the shower. Oh yeah, so it was paparazzi footage of...

• 44:18Speaker 05

  Paparazzi footage?

• 44:19Speaker 04

  The one hotel.

• 44:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 44:21Speaker 04

  And it was through the window, a picture of me getting out of the shower.

• 44:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 44:26Speaker 04

  And they thought it was Bigfoot, my hairy ass.

• 44:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 44:29Speaker 04

  Okay, I got there.

• 44:30Speaker 05

  Where was Bill in all this? Just so I'm clear, I haven't seen the images yet.

• 44:36Speaker 04

  He was sitting in the hotel cuck chair in a robe, penis out.

• 44:39Speaker 05

  Penis out, yeah, waiting for you to get out of the shower. He made you shower first. He said, Sarah, you're a mess. Take a shower before we do anything.

• 44:46Speaker 04

  Podcast, Sarah. I gotta watch the stank off you.

• 44:50Speaker 05

  The fact that you refused to answer me, God, I want to know what podcast you're doing. I only know one and I don't even want to talk about that one.

• 44:57Speaker 04

  That one and Grace O'Malley?

• 44:59Speaker 05

  I know Grace O'Malley.

• 45:00Speaker 04

  And so she's, she's gonna be getting my presents as well.

• 45:04Speaker 05

  Nice.

• 45:05Speaker 04

  Do you think I'm a good podcast guest?

• 45:07Speaker 05

  I really do. I think the world of you.

• 45:08Speaker 04

  I think that you're an amazing podcast host. You're really good at talking.

• 45:13Speaker 05

  Thanks Sarah.

• 45:14Speaker 04

  It's amazing how good you are at talking.

• 45:16Speaker 05

  You know, I've been a fan of yours for a very long time.

• 45:18Speaker 04

  Me as well.

• 45:18Speaker 05

  Actually, you know this, but I wonder if the listeners know it, because this is a part of our lore. It was a very big deal for me when I got booked on your show in Chicago.

• 45:25Speaker 04

  That was amazing. I remember exactly. Were you talking about footage of you at a concert?

• 45:30Speaker 05

  I don't remember.

• 45:30Speaker 04

  Were you a bouncer?

• 45:32Speaker 05

  Oh, yes. I brought that up. I was doing PowerPoints at the time.

• 45:34Speaker 04

  Yes, yes, yes, yes.

• 45:35Speaker 05

  We were just, PowerPoint comedy was such an era.

• 45:38Speaker 04

  It was such an era. And like, by the way, people have gotten a little late. Bring the PowerPoints back. I know y'all don't want to show up 10 minutes before a sound check or whatever.

• 45:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:48Speaker 04

  To do your PowerPoint. Bring those PowerPoints back out.

• 45:51Speaker 05

  I did one for the first time in years recently. I did like a little show in LA. And I was like, I'll just throw a PowerPoint together because I'm like, kind of don't have new material at the moment.

• 45:58Speaker 04

  No, I have nothing.

• 45:59Speaker 05

  But I have some stuff I want to talk about, but it's not like structured as like good stand up. So I was like, I'll do this like, I'll do like basically a hacky bit. And I did and had a fucking blast, by the way.

• 46:07Speaker 04

  No.

• 46:07Speaker 05

  Sometimes it's fun to just have a little fun.

• 46:09Speaker 04

  Well, I don't know. Maybe Carrot Top was on to something when he said, maybe I need a prop or two.

• 46:12Speaker 05

  Carrot Top was completely on to something.

• 46:14Speaker 04

  By the way, I saw his show recently. It's fucking amazing.

• 46:17Speaker 05

  Really?

• 46:18Speaker 04

  You're like, yeah, that's why you fill out the Luxor every single, fill out.

• 46:22Speaker 05

  Fill out.

• 46:23Speaker 04

  That's why you fill out a nice pair of pens. That is why the Luxor sold out every single night. Because this is a fucking show. And there were new jokes.

• 46:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:30Speaker 04

  That were about pop culture.

• 46:32Speaker 05

  Hello?

• 46:33Speaker 04

  Hello?

• 46:33Speaker 05

  He's doing jokes about Train Dreams. And the other Oscar contenders. Did you watch Train Dreams?

• 46:39Speaker 04

  No, should I?

• 46:40Speaker 05

  Watch Train Dreams. Everybody watched Train Dreams.

• 46:43Speaker 04

  Oh shit.

• 46:44Speaker 05

  I loved.

• 46:44Speaker 04

  You should be saying, you should have been saying this before the Oscars, girl.

• 46:47Speaker 05

  It didn't get enough conversation. I don't, I don't care who wins those awards, but it got a little buried in the conversation about the other ones. One battle after another, Sinners. Love them both.

• 46:57Speaker 04

  Right.

• 46:57Speaker 05

  Train Dreams.

• 46:58Speaker 04

  One battle after another.

• 46:59Speaker 05

  You what? You didn't love one battle after another?

• 47:01Speaker 04

  Me on the toilet is one battle after another. Well, you see what I'm, you see kind of when I.

• 47:05Speaker 05

  Please. Me with, me with Bill Maher in the hotel room is Sinners. You don't talk about Sinners. Talk about what I'm doing with Bill at the One Hotel.

• 47:12Speaker 04

  Marty Supreme, you mean, um, no, let me.

• 47:15Speaker 05

  Get there.

• 47:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:16Speaker 05

  Get there.

• 47:17Speaker 04

  Marty Supreme.

• 47:18Speaker 05

  While you work that out, I'm just going to tell the listeners, Train Dreams. It's streaming on Netflix, a company that I love. And I want y'all to check out this movie. It's really beautifully shot. It's gorgeous. William H. Macy.

• 47:30Speaker 04

  Oh, oh, oh.

• 47:31Speaker 05

  By the way.

• 47:31Speaker 04

  Don't tempt me with a good time. Hello, Chicago.

• 47:33Speaker 05

  Hello.

• 47:36Speaker 05

  Hello, Chicago, shameless. Doing like gay Mad Libs with William H. Macy.

• 47:45Speaker 04

  Like not having like one thing to say, but like out loud saying a train of thought.

• 47:50Speaker 05

  Hello, boogie nights. Chicago, shameless.

• 47:55Speaker 04

  Hey, hey, Senator. You know that song?

• 47:58Speaker 05

  You know?

• 47:59Speaker 04

  I.

• 48:02Speaker 04

  I have, okay. Will you just put out specials?

• 48:04Speaker 05

  Wait, hold on. I want to talk about your special.

• 48:06Speaker 04

  I don't.

• 48:07Speaker 05

  I want to finish saying what I was saying.

• 48:08Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 48:08Speaker 05

  Cause we got off track.

• 48:09Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 48:10Speaker 05

  I, when I was.

• 48:10Speaker 04

  I want to get back to the psychic, by the way.

• 48:12Speaker 05

  When we were in Chicago, we're never getting back to the psychic.

• 48:14Speaker 04

  Why don't you believe?

• 48:16Speaker 05

  I promise you.

• 48:16Speaker 04

  A little bit.

• 48:17Speaker 05

  Well, I'm getting something. We're never getting back to the psychic. I, getting booked on your show was a very big deal for me.

• 48:24Speaker 04

  Oh, my God. I literally, you did, you were being so hilarious that I remember and it was like 10 years ago.

• 48:28Speaker 05

  I was such a fan of yours then, now I know you better. And.

• 48:32Speaker 04

  I've learned. I've learned.

• 48:33Speaker 05

  And I'm really, I'm really proud of you. I'm really happy, I'm really, really proud of you. I'm so glad that you're on SNL and I'm so glad that you have this new special out. And now I want you to plug it.

• 48:41Speaker 04

  Okay, here's the thing. You know how, and I'm going to take that and I'm, and I.

• 48:45Speaker 05

  Just try to accept it.

• 48:46Speaker 04

  I'm accepting it and it means a lot coming from you. And I'm serious about that because you're one of America's funniest. If America's Funniest Home Videos was, was kind of still going and.

• 48:55Speaker 05

  There it is, there it is. And we got it out of earnestness and we got it right into America's Home Videos. You're like, you're like, I'm going to accept that compliment. So I was shit screaming out of my ass into the toilet the other day, hating my earnest compliment. I don't care, I'm proud of you.

• 49:07Speaker 04

  Well, I will effing take that, but I will say, um, um, um, um, um, you know how people say the thing where like, oh, you're probably so sick of hearing this. But like, you know, and the compliment?

• 49:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 49:18Speaker 04

  It's like, never been sick of hearing it in my life.

• 49:22Speaker 05

  Tired of compliments, yeah.

• 49:23Speaker 04

  Oh, I'm sure, I'm sure you're sick of it. Someone said to me recently, like about the special, they were like, oh, I didn't want to tell you, cause I'm sure you get like a hundred texts about this, but like, oh my God, it was so amazing. I'm like, you think I'm getting a hundred texts about it?

• 49:38Speaker 04

  Oh, I don't want, you probably get this all the time.

• 49:41Speaker 05

  I need it.

• 49:42Speaker 04

  I need it.

• 49:43Speaker 05

  I need it bad.

• 49:44Speaker 04

  Bad. Even though I shirked off your compliment and ricocheted off my irony shield,

• 49:50Speaker 05

  Of course.

• 49:51Speaker 04

  Know that inside, the small child inside of me was savoring it.

• 49:55Speaker 05

  Totally. And the adult on the outside started playing with the microphone in a way I've never seen someone. And to me, that's beautiful. And I love forcing, I love forcing my comedian friends to sit with earnestness every once in a while.

• 50:04Speaker 04

  What do you think about this body language? Closed off, closed off.

• 50:08Speaker 05

  I think it's adorable.

• 50:10Speaker 04

  And here's what I'm struggling with. We put out ours. Now we have to rebuild from ground zero.

• 50:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 50:15Speaker 04

  Tough.

• 50:16Speaker 05

  Do you know how I'm approaching that?

• 50:17Speaker 04

  Just.

• 50:18Speaker 05

  Taking a long time off.

• 50:19Speaker 04

  I.

• 50:20Speaker 05

  Taking a long time off.

• 50:21Speaker 04

  See, you giving your, you giving your, and I had a stroke.

• 50:25Speaker 05

  No, no, no, no.

• 50:25Speaker 04

  Okay, no problem. You giving yourself permission to do that is allowing me also to think about doing that.

• 50:32Speaker 05

  You're, you're working on a show that puts out new material every single week?

• 50:37Speaker 04

  And you're not there, strangely enough.

• 50:40Speaker 05

  I think if you give yourself some time to rebuild the standup, that would be more than appropriate.

• 50:44Speaker 04

  So you, how are you even going about thinking about rebuilding standup?

• 50:48Speaker 05

  I'm not. I don't care.

• 50:49Speaker 04

  Oh, my God, this.

• 50:50Speaker 05

  It'll come when it comes.

• 50:51Speaker 04

  I wanna see where you are.

• 50:52Speaker 05

  It'll come when it comes. What are you talking about? You're, Sarah, you're brilliant. You know what you're doing. You're gonna live a life. You're gonna live a life and then it's gonna come to you.

• 51:00Speaker 04

  You get, you allow, you are such a positivity fountain. And you're, you're like, literally, look, look at my body language. I'm crumpled up. I'm white knuckling the microphone. I'm in physical pain. And you're like, hey, hey, hey, listen, listen, maybe I'll be in Kansas City or maybe I'll be on a bike. Maybe I'll be, is that all good, girl?

• 51:20Speaker 05

  Are you stressed about building another hour?

• 51:22Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 51:23Speaker 05

  Sarah, life is long. What is this, what do you think is the source of the stress? Just that you won't come up with it?

• 51:28Speaker 04

  I, I, the sort, you know, and again, the source of the stress. I grind my teeth so hard in my waking life and sleeping life. And that's how I refer to being awake and asleep. My waking life.

• 51:40Speaker 05

  My waking life and sleeping life.

• 51:42Speaker 04

  Cause they're too, cause I had a crazy dream last night.

• 51:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 51:46Speaker 04

  I fell asleep on a park bench in Kenya and I woke up with scratches all over my back.

• 51:51Speaker 05

  Who did the scratches?

• 51:52Speaker 04

  I don't know, and I don't know how I ended up in Kenya.

• 51:55Speaker 05

  Well, sometimes we go to Kenya.

• 51:57Speaker 04

  And I looked at a map and I was like, where am I? I'm like, I'm in Kenya.

• 52:00Speaker 05

  Oh, my God. Not me being in Kenya. There's scratches everywhere. Anything but that. I'm covered in scratches in Kenya.

• 52:07Speaker 04

  So interesting, Kenya. I'll be looking. I'll be looking this up later.

• 52:11Speaker 05

  Ever been to Kenya?

• 52:12Speaker 04

  No, but my mind palace now includes Kenya.

• 52:16Speaker 05

  Yeah. Now I know. There's a chamber in my mind dedicated to me being in Kenya and also being scratched.

• 52:22Speaker 04

  I know, and I woke up scratched all over.

• 52:24Speaker 05

  You ever had your dreams analyzed?

• 52:26Speaker 04

  I go to a dream analyst.

• 52:28Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 52:28Speaker 04

  So it's gonna come up.

• 52:29Speaker 05

  Oh, it's gonna come up.

• 52:29Speaker 04

  It's gonna come up.

• 52:30Speaker 05

  Will you get, will you earnestly, maybe someone in, maybe someone here with you that's watching?

• 52:35Speaker 04

  Maybe someone here in the room with us.

• 52:36Speaker 05

  Maybe someone on the other side of the curtain could remind Sarah to get back to me about what the Kenya scratching dream means. I do want to hear what the analyst has to say about that.

• 52:44Speaker 04

  Okay, okay.

• 52:45Speaker 05

  Yeah. What is the source of the anxiety about the hour?

• 52:48Speaker 04

  So I'm always like, I like, I clench my teeth so hard that I have bone growths in my mouth from pressure.

• 52:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 52:57Speaker 04

  So I'm just always stressed and anxious, but there's no reason. So it's like, I shouldn't be stressed about the new hour.

• 53:05Speaker 05

  You shouldn't. It's gonna, you're gonna, you're gonna have another great hour when it's time to have another great hour.

• 53:09Speaker 04

  Is this like what you say? You're like, you're like, is this how like your, your, your inner monologue is? It's so amazing.

• 53:15Speaker 05

  The, what, that I just say that it's gonna come?

• 53:18Speaker 04

  Why are you like this? You just had a good mom. Like, you're just so, it's great.

• 53:21Speaker 05

  Well, you had a good mom.

• 53:22Speaker 04

  I know, but like, what is, you're so, it's so great. I want to be where you are in your mind.

• 53:28Speaker 05

  I don't know. Don't you feel, I guess, I guess, no, but don't, I, I think that you should feel. I think you have every right to feel.

• 53:36Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 53:36Speaker 05

  I am surprised that you don't feel.

• 53:38Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 53:38Speaker 05

  What I feel is objectively true about you, which is that you're, you have a singular voice, you're a hard worker, you're nice to people. You are comedically, you're like a comedic genius. I really think like the hour will come when it's supposed to come.

• 53:52Speaker 04

  Right.

• 53:53Speaker 05

  Until then, we just live life.

• 53:54Speaker 04

  Right.

• 53:54Speaker 05

  You just put out an incredible, it's an accomplishment. You should be like, at least for the next year, you should just be proud of the accomplishment of putting out that special. While working on SNL, one of the most grueling work schedules in like the fucking history of television.

• 54:05Speaker 04

  Right.

• 54:05Speaker 05

  I think maybe we just give yourself some time to relax and enjoy life.

• 54:08Speaker 04

  You guys put me, hook me up to an EKG machine, my heart explodes. If you put a blood pressure cuff on me, it explodes.

• 54:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, everything just explodes. All medical equipment that touches you explodes. The doctor explodes.

• 54:19Speaker 04

  Honey, I would.

• 54:20Speaker 05

  The nurse, we're gonna take your vitals, explodes.

• 54:22Speaker 04

  Take me, take me out to dinner first before we make a nurse explode. Something like that, maybe that's gonna be the new.

• 54:27Speaker 05

  I'm making the nurse bust.

• 54:29Speaker 04

  Maybe that could be kind of the new hour.

• 54:31Speaker 05

  I told, I was getting my blood taken like last week, like she was doing the thing, she chose this one.

• 54:35Speaker 04

  Hey, I don't have a bag.

• 54:36Speaker 05

  You can still see the little hole.

• 54:37Speaker 04

  Oh, aww.

• 54:38Speaker 05

  She, she was taking my blood and she had beautiful eyes, this nurse.

• 54:40Speaker 04

  And you said that.

• 54:41Speaker 05

  And I go, I go, I go, do you, do people tell you a lot that you have the most stunning eyes? And she goes, yeah.

• 54:50Speaker 05

  I said, don't be bashful while you're taking my blood, diva. Took four vials, by the way.

• 54:54Speaker 04

  And by the way, oh.

• 54:55Speaker 05

  She was just enjoying hanging out with me.

• 54:56Speaker 04

  And by, by the way, do you ever realize we were like, oh, it's been 10 seconds and four vials of blood came out?

• 55:02Speaker 05

  I started getting really light headed. I was like, this shit comes out fast and why are you taking so much of it? All for an AIDS test? Please.

• 55:07Speaker 04

  Please.

• 55:08Speaker 05

  I don't have it, next.

• 55:11Speaker 04

  Next, bust, next.

• 55:12Speaker 05

  Next.

• 55:12Speaker 04

  And by the way, imagine her deep COVID mask on and all you had to hang your hat on with those beautiful eyes.

• 55:18Speaker 05

  And I, she was doing well with them.

• 55:20Speaker 04

  She must've been pulling.

• 55:21Speaker 05

  She had gorgeous eyes.

• 55:22Speaker 04

  Oh my god. And by the way, do you think anyone has ever said, like, I'm sure you're tired of hearing this? And then she goes, no, I'm not tired of it.

• 55:28Speaker 05

  No, she loves it.

• 55:29Speaker 04

  She loves it.

• 55:30Speaker 05

  And I asked my, this is in, this is in the suburbs of Kansas City and not quite rural Missouri. But I asked my doctor, I was like, I was like, yeah, I'm thinking about getting on PrEP. I've, I just like thinking about getting on PrEP. And he goes, I have never heard of that. I'm gonna step out and do some research and I'll come right back in. He stepped out, he comes back in, he goes, we can do that?

• 55:47Speaker 04

  He sat his white ass down and listened.

• 55:49Speaker 05

  He sized me, he put his hair in a fucking messy bun and handled it. And then while I was getting my blood drawn, country, like 14 year old girl walking her grandma through the doctor's office. She goes, are you Caleb Harris? And I went, please. I'm, I'm a needle in my arm, blood pouring out of me. Are you Caleb Harris?

• 56:08Speaker 04

  By the way, carrying this country on your fucking back, needle in arm, other hand, writing down definition for PrEP for a doctor. Teaching, basically, who, by the way, who's the doctor and who's the patient now?

• 56:17Speaker 05

  Teaching a doctor who, what PrEP is and what gay guys are. Also, he put, also, I got my chart notes back and my chart notes said, risky homosexual behavior, obese.

• 56:28Speaker 05

  And I said, check, check, baby. Yeah, I know, that's fucking right.

• 56:32Speaker 04

  Check, like, did he stutter?

• 56:33Speaker 05

  Is that Kayla's parents chart? Yes, it is, honey. Risky homo- risky obese homosexual, then that's special.

• 56:40Speaker 04

  Got a mammogram, literally on the chart, what did it say? Small boobs, incredibly small and dense.

• 56:46Speaker 05

  Well, small, dense boobs, like a good biscuit. Small and dense, like a good breakfast biscuit.

• 56:52Speaker 04

  And by the way, you think I could go near a biscuit with a 10-foot pole, girl?

• 56:55Speaker 05

  By the way, you think I can eat a biscuit? Think again.

• 56:58Speaker 04

  Oh, I want.

• 57:00Speaker 05

  I'll be engaged and married to the toilet if I do that. Okay, your next special is called Small, Dense Titties. And mine's called Risky Obese Homosexual. Nina, Nina at HBO, Erin, Nina, Erin, give us a call.

• 57:12Speaker 04

  Erin, Nina.

• 57:13Speaker 05

  Give us a call, girls.

• 57:14Speaker 04

  What if my next special is just me, blonde, white t-shirt, no offense, jeans? And it's just like, Sarah presents with... Dating is kinda weird.

• 57:25Speaker 05

  Sarah Sherman presents Sarah on Sarah.

• 57:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, Sarah on Sarah.

• 57:29Speaker 05

  Sarah Sherman presents Sarah on Sarah, the dating special.

• 57:32Speaker 04

  Inside the Sarah studio.

• 57:33Speaker 05

  Your next special should be an exploration of normie. You should explore normie in your next special.

• 57:39Speaker 04

  I should.

• 57:40Speaker 05

  No clashing patterns, no mullet, wig.

• 57:44Speaker 04

  I pass away immediately.

• 57:45Speaker 05

  Wig, wig, contour.

• 57:47Speaker 04

  Contour, downbeat, the Sarah normal, Sarah normal activity. That's actually kind of interesting.

• 57:52Speaker 05

  I got in so much trouble on Trixie Mattel's channel.

• 57:54Speaker 04

  No.

• 57:55Speaker 05

  She had me do her makeup and everyone was so mad at me that I was bad at it. Sorry.

• 57:59Speaker 04

  What, what, wait, wait, wait, what, but as if?

• 58:03Speaker 05

  I don't know how to do makeup. I'm like, I felt, people were mad at me, they thought I was trying to sabotage Trixie Mattel. As if she needs any help sabotaging herself. God, she's talentless and mean. She needs me to come do her makeup badly to tank it? Once you guys learn some things about her, trust me, you'll tune out.

• 58:16Speaker 04

  It would've been so weird if you did a good job.

• 58:19Speaker 05

  I fucking did a bad job and everyone was mad at me. And the thing is, I tried.

• 58:23Speaker 04

  Well, you know when like, when Bobby Flay has that show where he's like, "I'm gonna come to your fucking hometown and I'm gonna do your fucking food better than you." I'm like, dude.

• 58:32Speaker 05

  Okay, we believe you.

• 58:35Speaker 04

  We know, you're literally, you're fucking famous.

• 58:38Speaker 05

  You're Bobby Flay.

• 58:39Speaker 04

  You're Bobby Flay. You don't have to come into my town on the day of my daughter's wedding and do my gumbo better than me. It's rude. So imagine, you went to Trixie Mattel's. House on the day of her daughter's wedding and did her makeup better than her? Everyone would have been mad too.

• 58:52Speaker 05

  I know.

• 58:53Speaker 04

  You bobbyflayed her ass.

• 58:55Speaker 05

  They thought I was gonna like train for it. You think I'm gonna trade to do it? I'm gonna do like training classes on makeup to do a mentally ill homosexuals YouTube channel.

• 59:03Speaker 04

  Well, by the way, did you do, did you do problematic face on her?

• 59:07Speaker 05

  I will say the foundation was darker than it should have been.

• 59:11Speaker 04

  Well, and there you go.

• 59:13Speaker 05

  I wasn't trying to do dark face, but we got pretty close. And I think that's beautiful and I didn't mean to upset anyone. I'm just not very good at makeup. Oh, they were so mad that I didn't know how to do the eyebrows. Sorry.

• 59:24Speaker 04

  Do you, how much do you look at how people are mad online?

• 59:27Speaker 05

  I looked at the Trixie one because I thought people were gonna be charmed by me. I went there seeking compliments and this is how it always starts. I looked at a couple of the comments because I went there seeking compliments.

• 59:37Speaker 04

  You went to the hardware store for love.

• 59:39Speaker 05

  I genuinely, most of the time, do not read comments because I don't care what these people have to say. But I, I found some people were, some people were upset with me. Also, sometimes people tag me. You know when Instagram will show you the stories you're tagging?

• 59:50Speaker 04

  Oh, I see.

• 59:52Speaker 05

  You're seeing it?

• 59:53Speaker 04

  I see.

• 59:57Speaker 05

  I see everything.

• 1:00:00Speaker 04

  I be seeing that shit.

• 1:00:01Speaker 05

  I be seeing that shit big time.

• 1:00:03Speaker 04

  And they be tagging you and being like, at Caleb.

• 1:00:06Speaker 05

  Oh, people say the craziest things to me.

• 1:00:08Speaker 04

  I, I.

• 1:00:08Speaker 05

  Even my fans. My fans talk crazy to me. Are you getting this?

• 1:00:12Speaker 04

  I, well, I just get people who want me dead in a ditch, six feet under, rotting in hell. Well, I, the, the, the this, the, the story tagging, whatever.

• 1:00:23Speaker 05

  Gotta stop watching them.

• 1:00:24Speaker 04

  Literally, I, recently, many people have been saying that my special is, they're like, this is like so bad. It's like a Tim Robinson character.

• 1:00:35Speaker 05

  Shout out to him. Shout out to him.

• 1:00:38Speaker 04

  Oh, they were like, in the chair company, one of the characters is listening to like a really like bad radio show where like the DJ is like, fuck you fucking bitch. And the joke is that it's bad. And so everyone's like, what is this? The, at, at Sarah, at Sarah, what is this? The fucking fucked up radio show from Chair Company? That's the big one people are saying now.

• 1:00:59Speaker 05

  Whoa.

• 1:01:00Speaker 04

  Six mentally ill guys tagging me. Everyone's saying that.

• 1:01:04Speaker 05

  Everyone's talking about this. Him and three other losers that won an HBO special and don't have one.

• 1:01:09Speaker 04

  Him and like three other losers with the same guy making three different accounts. But that's the big one that it's been coming to me on the this. It's like, what is this a fucking Tim Robinson character making fun of? Fucking how fucking bad is this?

• 1:01:20Speaker 05

  Tim Robinson character is famously doing really well. People are loving it. So even this isn't even really a drag. It's like, what is this? A successful sketch from a guy who's doing pretty well? Yeah, okay, I guess.

• 1:01:30Speaker 04

  Also, it's like, Tim Robinson doesn't like make fun of stand ups.

• 1:01:33Speaker 05

  No, Tim Robinson makes fun of the idea of being a man who's alive.

• 1:01:37Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:01:39Speaker 05

  Pretty much.

• 1:01:39Speaker 04

  Why are you writing a long read about that?

• 1:01:41Speaker 05

  Hello?

• 1:01:41Speaker 04

  Unpacking Tim Robinson's portrayal of problematic masculinity.

• 1:01:45Speaker 05

  Well, and how it's how it's reaching the audience it's supposed to reach, but not in the way.

• 1:01:48Speaker 04

  Right, not in the way.

• 1:01:49Speaker 05

  They all they all don't understand that they're being made fun of.

• 1:01:51Speaker 04

  Right, not in the way.

• 1:01:53Speaker 05

  Sarah, I'm so worried about your time. You have a very busy schedule today. We have two more things we have to do. What is so true to you?

• 1:01:59Speaker 05

  Didn't pray. There's something about this show. There's something about this show. No one prepares one. No one prepares one.

• 1:02:05Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no, no. That dreams are really important. That is so true.

• 1:02:09Speaker 05

  Whoa.

• 1:02:10Speaker 04

  Is that a way to say that?

• 1:02:11Speaker 05

  That's huge. We love that one. What do you mean by it?

• 1:02:13Speaker 04

  Well, it's just like, you know, some people wake up and they said, I had a dream where someone scratched me all over the back. Next, I'm waking up going.

• 1:02:20Speaker 05

  I need to get to Kenya.

• 1:02:25Speaker 05

  Is that you crawling into the dream or what is? What are you doing? Are you preparing to? You're preparing to give a colonoscopy to the dream? You're fishing. Oh, she's breaking the ice.

• 1:02:33Speaker 04

  Try to guess what this is.

• 1:02:34Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:02:37Speaker 05

  She's cracking open the dream.

• 1:02:40Speaker 04

  Kind of excavating like a dinosaur.

• 1:02:41Speaker 05

  She's excavating the dream. I was kind of right.

• 1:02:43Speaker 04

  You were, you were, you were, you were.

• 1:02:44Speaker 05

  You did good. Act outs. Do a little more. Yeah, cracking it open and then give it get it open for me? Not is that supposed to be a shovel?

• 1:02:53Speaker 04

  Very small.

• 1:02:58Speaker 05

  And now you're using a brush to to dust off the. Yeah, let's go. Let's go.

• 1:03:02Speaker 04

  I can't speak for the rest of the podcast.

• 1:03:04Speaker 05

  That'd be actually kind of fun. Do a podcast where you can't speak.

• 1:03:07Speaker 04

  Can I say the other thing that's so true to me?

• 1:03:08Speaker 05

  You can, and you have to say it right now.

• 1:03:09Speaker 04

  Okay, I want to kind of, okay, we've all been saying like boots and like house down boots. Let's start saying shoes.

• 1:03:16Speaker 05

  Shoes? Oh, my God, shoes. Did that video mean a lot to you?

• 1:03:19Speaker 04

  Can she come on the podcast?

• 1:03:21Speaker 05

  Maybe if we go to lunch. We go to lunch, then she can come on. Sarah, I have a segment for you. You ready?

• 1:03:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:03:26Speaker 05

  Okay, I'm gonna read you 15 statements. You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said is true or false. And if you get 10 or more correct, Sarah, we're gonna give you 50 US dollars.

• 1:03:34Speaker 04

  Actually?

• 1:03:34Speaker 05

  Yes. You ready? Yeah, excavate. Get your brush out. Brush it off? Brush it off for me? Thank you. All right, you ready? Quickly as you can. The rarest blood type is O positive.

• 1:03:45Speaker 04

  True. Oh, fuck.

• 1:03:46Speaker 05

  False, it's the most common. Arthur the Arthur the aardvark's best friend is a rabbit named Benny.

• 1:03:52Speaker 04

  True.

• 1:03:53Speaker 05

  False, buster. Bismarck is the capital of North Dakota. True. GoFundMe is older than Kickstarter.

• 1:04:00Speaker 04

  True.

• 1:04:00Speaker 05

  False.

• 1:04:03Speaker 05

  Great Neck South High School's newspaper is called The Southerner.

• 1:04:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's true.

• 1:04:06Speaker 05

  True.

• 1:04:07Speaker 04

  I wrote, I wrote an article for it.

• 1:04:09Speaker 05

  Law Order SVU is older than Rachel Zegler.

• 1:04:11Speaker 04

  Uh, true.

• 1:04:12Speaker 05

  True. There are zero Chuck E. Cheese's left in New York City.

• 1:04:15Speaker 04

  It's true.

• 1:04:16Speaker 05

  False, there are six. Bull sharks can survive in freshwater.

• 1:04:18Speaker 04

  True.

• 1:04:19Speaker 05

  True. There is no NFL team in Louisiana.

• 1:04:21Speaker 04

  True.

• 1:04:22Speaker 05

  False, the New Orleans Saints. Northwestern University's mascot is Wilbur the Wildcat.

• 1:04:26Speaker 04

  No, that's not true.

• 1:04:27Speaker 05

  False, it's Willie the Wildcat. Willy Wonka was a real person.

• 1:04:30Speaker 04

  Um, um, um, false?

• 1:04:31Speaker 05

  False. The, the real Annabelle doll is a Raggedy Ann doll.

• 1:04:34Speaker 04

  False.

• 1:04:35Speaker 05

  True. The first laptop went on sale in 1981.

• 1:04:38Speaker 04

  True.

• 1:04:39Speaker 05

  True. There are three stops on the CTA yellow line.

• 1:04:42Speaker 04

  False.

• 1:04:42Speaker 05

  True. Joan Rivers was born in Germany.

• 1:04:45Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:04:46Speaker 05

  False. She was born in Brooklyn.

• 1:04:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:48Speaker 05

  How'd she do?

• 1:04:49Speaker 04

  Seven.

• 1:04:50Speaker 05

  Oh, that's okay.

• 1:04:51Speaker 04

  You had like a fucking stank ass attitude when I got her wrong.

• 1:04:54Speaker 05

  You had a stank ass attitude.

• 1:04:55Speaker 04

  You're like, I'm

• 1:04:56Speaker 05

  You got like, you got like five wrong in a row and threw me off my Talking about my stank ass attitude.

• 1:05:02Speaker 04

  That just scared the fucking shit out of me. Bismarck is the capital of

• 1:05:13Speaker 05

  The stank ass attitude in me sees the stank ass attitude in you, girl.

• 1:05:21Speaker 05

  Wait.

• 1:05:22Speaker 04

  Wait.

• 1:05:23Speaker 05

  We should do a musical collab.

• 1:05:24Speaker 04

  No. Uh, okay.

• 1:05:27Speaker 05

  We can do one of those scary bands that you like.

• 1:05:31Speaker 04

  Say that.

• 1:05:32Speaker 05

  Like the guys that soak each other in blood. Every time I get on Instagram, I see something from you that I never thought I would see in my life.

• 1:05:38Speaker 04

  Oh, wow.

• 1:05:38Speaker 05

  It's like you, it's like you laying on a stage covered in fake blood with like knives in your stomach and then it's like guys dressed as gargoyles like playing guitar. I'm like, oh, Sarah got out of the house.

• 1:05:47Speaker 04

  Bless her heart, next.

• 1:05:48Speaker 05

  No, no, I watch. Watch and like. I like and subscribe, baby, I'm a fan.

• 1:05:52Speaker 04

  Okay, ready? With the speed with which I just had to do that.

• 1:05:55Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:05:56Speaker 04

  You're auditioning for American Idol, what are you singing? Go, go, go, go, go, go.

• 1:05:58Speaker 05

  Bridge of trouble water.

• 1:06:03Speaker 05

  Bridge of trouble water. I don't even think that's true, I just heard it recently. You go, yours now, go, go, go, go, go.

• 1:06:08Speaker 04

  Go, go, Madonna.

• 1:06:09Speaker 05

  Oh. Well, Sarah, so much fun to have you on. We love you, girl. Wait, plug your HBO special, plug your special now.

• 1:06:17Speaker 04

  Our special.

• 1:06:18Speaker 05

  No, Sarah, I have to really plug it, some people. Guys, go watch Sarah's HBO special. It's out, she's brilliant.

• 1:06:24Speaker 04

  Take a picture of the TV while you're watching it, tag at Sarah Squirm, you suck bitch.

• 1:06:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, that'd actually be awesome.

• 1:06:29Speaker 04

  That could be our first song in the scary band.

• 1:06:31Speaker 05

  You suck bitch.

• 1:06:32Speaker 04

  You suck bitch.

• 1:06:32Speaker 05

  That'd be really fun.

• 1:06:33Speaker 04

  That'd be really fun.

• 1:06:34Speaker 05

  Sarah, we love you, thanks for being on.

• 1:06:35Speaker 04

  Buzz all over the mic.

• 1:06:36Speaker 05

  You gotta get out of here. I'm literally worried about your schedule, I'm worried that we're making you late.

• 1:06:40Speaker 04

  I'm not, I'm cool.

• 1:06:40Speaker 05

  Stop playing with the mic. Stop playing with the mic, don't do that. Sarah, do not jerk off the microphone, no. Sarah, stop it, do not make it come.

• 1:06:48Speaker 04

  Oh, I did.

• 1:06:50Speaker 05

  Love you, thanks for being on. I think she does it, okay, goodbye.

• 1:06:53Speaker 00

  I hate Mondays.

• 1:06:55Speaker 01

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite?

• 1:06:57Speaker 00

  Taylor Hanson, sure, I'll try one.

• 1:07:00Speaker 06

  Ooh.

• 1:07:02Speaker 02

  Hey, let's get back to work, please.

• 1:07:04Speaker 00

  But Taylor Hanson's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites.

• 1:07:08Speaker 02

  Taylor Hanson? Nice.

• 1:07:10Speaker 01

  Try one.

• 1:07:12Speaker 02

  Mmm.

• 1:07:15Speaker 03

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. There's nothing like it.