SmartLess Presents ClueLess! 101 - It’s A Numbers Game

On the debut episode of ClueLess, host Elliott Kalan and constant contestant Sean Hayes welcome Sean’s SmartLess pals Will and Jason to play a round of It’s A Numbers Game - we give you a simple math problem in the form of famous TV show titles with the numbers removed, can you solve the clues faster than Sean and friends? And even if you do, can you reckon with the MegaClue?! Subscribe to ClueLess here: https://landing.podtrac.com/9mai72vi New episodes every Monday and Thursday. Puzzles in this episode are by Matt Broussard and Josh Richmond.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:10Speaker 00

  Sean Hayes and Smartless Media are excited to announce the birth of an all-new baby podcast. The podcast weighs in at a healthy 10 to 12 minutes. Sean Hayes is resting comfortably. This is Clueless.

• 0:31Sean Hayes?

  I'm Clueless.

• 0:35Speaker 00

  Welcome to episode one of Smartless Presents: Clueless, a brand-new podcast where you, the listener, try to solve puzzles faster than Sean Hayes. My name is Elliot Kalin and I'll be your host, because Sean Hayes can't just ask himself the questions, can he? It would be unethical. And with me on every episode of this show is the man who loves games more than is really healthy, Mr. Sean Hayes. Sean, how excited are you for this new podcast on a scale from nine to 10?

• 1:00Sean Hayes?

  You know, I'm at a 10, but you pick up the slack with your energy, Elliot. It's really infectious.

• 1:07Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 1:08Sean Hayes?

  And listeners, by the way, this is Elliot Kalin, who you may know was the head writer for Mystery Science Theater 3000, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, co-host of the bad movie podcast The Flophouse, and now he's hosting this show for us.

• 1:21Will Arnett?

  Yes.

• 1:22Speaker 00

  Thank you, thank you. Now, Sean, we should explain to the listener.

• 1:26Sean Hayes?

  Okay.

• 1:27Speaker 00

  What is this show all about? Each episode, you'll be playing a different main game, and it might be a word puzzle, or identifying a song, or choosing the odd one out. That game is called Odd One Out. But it won't just be you competing alone. You'll also be bringing on a selection of your funny friends and family to play along. Who do we have with us today?

• 1:45Sean Hayes?

  It's Will Arnett and Jason Bateman, everybody.

• 1:47Jason Bateman?

  Hi.

• 1:48Sean Hayes?

  Hi. You're excited.

• 1:50Will Arnett?

  I was trying to harmonize.

• 1:51Speaker 00

  Will, Jason, welcome to the show. How does it feel to be Sean's funny friends and family?

• 1:56Will Arnett?

  Jason, you're family.

• 1:58Jason Bateman?

  I'm family.

• 1:59Will Arnett?

  I'm funny friend.

• 2:00Jason Bateman?

  You're funny friend.

• 2:02Speaker 00

  Before we begin, I have to know one thing.

• 2:04Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 2:04Speaker 00

  Jason and Will, what is your Sean Hayes gaming experience up to this point? Has he ever asked you to do it in public before?

• 2:11Jason Bateman?

  Oh, yeah. No, uh, um, let's keep it clean, okay? We, uh, we, we used to gather over at his house for, uh, for, for game night. Sean has been with us. Um, we used to play a lot of poker together. I mean, he is, he is a, he's a gifted gamer.

• 2:28Will Arnett?

  Let me just say that I got passed over a little bit on the game, on the game stuff.

• 2:35Jason Bateman?

  You did?

• 2:35Will Arnett?

  And I, have I forgiven him? Yeah. And you ask why?

• 2:40Jason Bateman?

  I don't remember you being a-

• 2:41Will Arnett?

  Because I'm a big person.

• 2:42Jason Bateman?

  I don't remember you being a part of the group at that moment.

• 2:45Will Arnett?

  No, I wasn't. I wasn't a part of the group. And that's a, it's a bigger conversation.

• 2:49Sean Hayes?

  You were always here.

• 2:50Will Arnett?

  Yeah, I was on your mind. Uh, but-

• 2:52Jason Bateman?

  The trip to like Istanbul and stuff, was that before or after game night, uh, at your place?

• 2:56Will Arnett?

  Istanbul was after, but, uh, but Venice was before.

• 3:00Jason Bateman?

  Huh. Yeah, Venice didn't go very well.

• 3:03Sean Hayes?

  No. And here we are. Well, now, new beginnings.

• 3:07Will Arnett?

  But now we're here, new beginnings, Elliot. Now you've really unearthed some, some old dirt.

• 3:11Jason Bateman?

  This'll stitch us back together. Maybe it'll launch a podcast of the three of us to be on.

• 3:14Will Arnett?

  But we're very excited, very excited. And I know Sean's love of games is deep, very deep. He loves games.

• 3:20Sean Hayes?

  I like it. It's fun. It's fun.

• 3:22Speaker 00

  Sean is a master gamer. I love getting that peek inside of your relationship. It briefly turned into a James Bond movie with all the international locations that, that got thrown into the mix.

• 3:43Speaker 00

  Sean, Will, Jason, enough talking about the past. Let's look ahead to the present. Today's main event, It's a Numbers Game TV Show Edition. Cue the theme song.

• 4:02Will Arnett?

  I keep forgetting there's a band right behind me.

• 4:07Will Arnett?

  Cause I saw them load in.

• 4:08Jason Bateman?

  I can smell the weed.

• 4:10Will Arnett?

  Yeah, you did.

• 4:12Sean Hayes?

  It's a numbers game.

• 4:15Jason Bateman?

  It's so good.

• 4:16Sean Hayes?

  Alright, let's begin.

• 4:16Speaker 00

  This game is built around TV shows with numbers in their titles. You are going to be tested on your very useful knowledge of television shows and also your very useless knowledge of basic elementary school math.

• 4:28Jason Bateman?

  Two, two, seven.

• 4:30Sean Hayes?

  Two, seven.

• 4:31Speaker 00

  I like, you were so ready with a number right off the bat.

• 4:34Jason Bateman?

  It will be a winner in one of these questions.

• 4:36Speaker 00

  Each question will take the form of a simple math equation, only instead of numbers, I'm gonna tell you a TV show title that has had the number removed from it.

• 4:45Sean Hayes?

  Oh shit.

• 4:46Speaker 00

  You're gonna have to recognize the show, understand the number, and then solve the equation using the missing numbers. And you can get a bonus point as a group for responding with an answer in the form of a TV show title. So I'm gonna give you an example. This is just a practice one. This doesn't count to your score. Let's try this out. If I said, "Day Fiance minus for thirty", what would the answer be? And you can talk it out too, work it out between yourselves.

• 5:11Will Arnett?

  Ninety Day Fiance, thirty for thirty.

• 5:13Sean Hayes?

  So it'd be sixty.

• 5:14Speaker 00

  Yep, you got that right. And if you wanted that extra point, what is there is a show title with sixty in it?

• 5:19Sean Hayes?

  Sixty Minutes.

• 5:20Speaker 00

  You got it, Sixty Minutes.

• 5:21Will Arnett?

  Great.

• 5:22Speaker 00

  You could have also said Studio Sixty or any of the millions of TV shows that have sixty in their titles.

• 5:26Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 5:27Speaker 00

  Okay, then let's play. It's a numbers game, TV Show Edition.

• 5:32Speaker 00

  The first question is, Million Dollar Man divided by Stooges.

• 5:37Sean Hayes?

  Six Million Dollar Man.

• 5:39Jason Bateman?

  Yep.

• 5:40Sean Hayes?

  And then by three Stooges.

• 5:42Jason Bateman?

  Three Stooges.

• 5:43Sean Hayes?

  Six divided by three is two. Oh, two, and then you gotta do a show with two in it.

• 5:48Jason Bateman?

  Two, two, seven.

• 5:50Speaker 00

  You got it, perfect, two points.

• 5:53Will Arnett?

  Fuck, you used it. You used it right away.

• 5:56Speaker 00

  I feel like, I feel like I should give you double extra points, cause there's two twos in that name.

• 6:01Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, I would like it, I'll take it.

• 6:02Speaker 00

  Okay, so that's three points total for that first question. That's, you're getting more points than you're supposed to.

• 6:10Speaker 00

  Question two is Reno nine plus and a half men.

• 6:16Jason Bateman?

  Fourteen. Reno nine one one, three and a half men.

• 6:20Will Arnett?

  Oh shit, two and a half men, fucking dummy, it's thirteen, hang on, hang on, uh, and...

• 6:27Sean Hayes?

  Reno nine one one could be eleven or two ones.

• 6:31Will Arnett?

  I think we gotta go eleven, I think we have to go with eleven.

• 6:35Sean Hayes?

  Okay, eleven, and then what is it?

• 6:36Will Arnett?

  Plus, plus two, is thirteen.

• 6:40Jason Bateman?

  It's thirteen reasons why.

• 6:42Speaker 00

  Yep, you got it, that's great.

• 6:44Will Arnett?

  What's thirteen, what's thirteen reasons why?

• 6:46Jason Bateman?

  Oh, it's a YA vehicle on Netflix, it can be seen massively successful.

• 6:50Speaker 00

  Young people love it, young people love it.

• 6:52Will Arnett?

  Yeah, I bet it sucks.

• 6:55Will Arnett?

  And I can give you fourteen reasons why.

• 7:03Speaker 00

  Let's go to question three, this one might be a little more difficult, I'm gonna try to enunciate as much as I can. This is, oof, heaven, times company.

• 7:13Sean Hayes?

  Seventh heaven.

• 7:14Jason Bateman?

  Seventh heaven.

• 7:15Will Arnett?

  Twenty-one, wait, wait, twenty-one Jump Street.

• 7:20Speaker 00

  That's right, you got it.

• 7:21Jason Bateman?

  I thought you said something different on the second show, I thought it was six something.

• 7:24Speaker 00

  It could have been six is company.

• 7:25Will Arnett?

  Who's your cable provider, cause you're getting different shows.

• 7:30Speaker 00

  Three and a half men, six is company, yeah.

• 7:35Speaker 00

  That was very fast, very impressive, you guys are blazing through this game, let's continue at two, number four. This question is, Beverly Hills, oh two one oh, minus, is enough.

• 7:49Jason Bateman?

  One. Beverly Hills nine oh two one oh, is enough.

• 7:53Will Arnett?

  We gotta think of the show.

• 7:54Sean Hayes?

  Minus eight.

• 7:55Jason Bateman?

  Oh, one.

• 7:56Will Arnett?

  Murder, murder one.

• 7:57Jason Bateman?

  Murder one, very good, well.

• 7:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, very good, you got it, murder one, that's two full points, it's just fantastic, I'm...

• 8:04Jason Bateman?

  Sean, by the way, you suck at this game, I haven't heard one answer from you.

• 8:08Sean Hayes?

  No, I got the first one.

• 8:09Will Arnett?

  Why are you gonna pin in your hand, what are you doing?

• 8:11Sean Hayes?

  I'm writing the numbers down.

• 8:14Will Arnett?

  It's obviously helping.

• 8:18Speaker 00

  Question five.

• 8:19Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 8:20Speaker 00

  Things I hate about you minus Babylon.

• 8:25Sean Hayes?

  What is it? 10 things I hate about you or what is it? What's, uh, is it 10 things? Is it 10?

• 8:32Will Arnett?

  I think it's 10 things I hate about you minus Babylon.

• 8:36Jason Bateman?

  Five?

• 8:36Will Arnett?

  Babylon.

• 8:37Sean Hayes?

  Babylon five.

• 8:37Will Arnett?

  Yeah, so it's, um, uh, party five.

• 8:41Speaker 00

  Great, you got it.

• 8:42Jason Bateman?

  Wow.

• 8:43Sean Hayes?

  Wow, that was good. That was good. Party of five.

• 8:46Jason Bateman?

  Incredible, Will.

• 8:46Speaker 00

  You have, you all have such unique strengths that come together as a team. Jason with the numbers, Will with the TV shows, Sean with the writing down the numbers.

• 8:54Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 8:54Speaker 00

  Which is good for record keeping for later.

• 8:56Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, yeah, for sure.

• 8:57Will Arnett?

  Sean, would you consider it a compliment if he says your strength is writing stuff down?

• 9:03Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 9:03Jason Bateman?

  All he could.

• 9:04Sean Hayes?

  I'll take anything I can get.

• 9:06Will Arnett?

  Is there in the Marvel, sorry, in the MCU, is there a character, is there a superhero?

• 9:12Sean Hayes?

  Who's superpowers?

• 9:13Will Arnett?

  Was writing stuff down?

• 9:16Sean Hayes?

  The stenographer.

• 9:18Will Arnett?

  He was the stenographer.

• 9:21Speaker 00

  Okay, that was a great game. You guys played an amazing game, but just because you're done with the game does not mean the game is done with you. There's also the matter of this episode's mega clue. Mega clue question. Beautiful. This is a final question made out of the answers of all the previous questions. So I'm going to remind you what those answers were. I would tell everyone, except Sean doesn't need to know this because he already has it. Everyone take a moment to get a pen, something to write on, so I can remind you of what the correct answers were.

• 9:51Will Arnett?

  Sean, I take it back on Sean writing it down. It turns out that was smart.

• 9:55Jason Bateman?

  If you're driving, lodge your knees just underneath the steering wheel, grab a pen, keep your eyes on the road somewhat.

• 10:01Will Arnett?

  Yeah, and if you have a candle on your dashboard, careful. Sorry, Elliot, there are some.

• 10:07Sean Hayes?

  No, no, there's some Easter eggs here.

• 10:08Speaker 00

  No, but it's a good point. Set aside the rotisserie chicken that you're picking at with your non-driving hand. So you can put a pad there so you can write during that time. Yeah. Okay. Here are the numbers that you have already had as your answers. Two. 13, 21, 1, and 5.

• 10:27Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 10:28Speaker 00

  I'll tell you again. 2, 13, 21, 1, and 5. Now, I want you to add those numbers together.

• 10:37Will Arnett?

  Forty-two.

• 10:38Speaker 00

  And then subtract from that number. That was great. Then subtract.

• 10:41Will Arnett?

  I didn't even have a pen with me and I did that in my.

• 10:44Jason Bateman?

  Oh, man.

• 10:44Sean Hayes?

  Amazing. Talk about your superpower, math. Mr. Math Man. Hey, algebra.

• 10:50Will Arnett?

  Okay.

• 10:52Speaker 00

  Now, add those numbers together, forty-two, and then subtract the number of monkeys in the title of a television adaptation of a 1990's science fiction film. And then, tell me, can you think of a show with that number in the title?

• 11:06Sean Hayes?

  Be 12 monkeys.

• 11:07Jason Bateman?

  13.

• 11:08Will Arnett?

  Thirty-four, but it's, uh.

• 11:09Sean Hayes?

  Thirty-four.

• 11:10Will Arnett?

  Oh, so it's, wait, 12 monkeys or eight monkeys? Twelve monkeys, twelve monkeys.

• 11:13Jason Bateman?

  Thirty, thirty, thirty-something.

• 11:14Sean Hayes?

  Is it thirty?

• 11:15Jason Bateman?

  Thirty-something.

• 11:17Sean Hayes?

  Oh, wait, what?

• 11:18Speaker 00

  Forty-two minus 12, 12 monkeys for 30, and then, I was hoping that someone would say thirty-something. Because it's the rare television show where they spelled out the number. They didn't just put a numeral there.

• 11:29Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, that's right.

• 11:30Speaker 00

  And for one final, absolutely last question, take that last number, and I want you to add it.

• 11:35Jason Bateman?

  Stick it up. Yup.

• 11:39Jason Bateman?

  That's the way we'd end things on Smartless, you know?

• 11:43Speaker 00

  Take that last number, add it to 9,970, and can you tell me the name of any pyramids that are worth that much money?

• 11:49Jason Bateman?

  Ah. Ten thousand dollars.

• 11:52Sean Hayes?

  A hundred thousand. Hundred thousand.

• 11:55Jason Bateman?

  Elliot, I put you and this show on the top of a million-dollar pyramid. It's so damn good.

• 11:59Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 12:00Sean Hayes?

  Thanks. Elliot, you're brilliant.

• 12:02Will Arnett?

  It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun, Elliot.

• 12:05Jason Bateman?

  You know, it's a hoot, you guys.

• 12:07Speaker 00

  Listeners at home, did you do better or worse than these actual 100% authentic, famous people? If you did better, maybe you should be famous. Your mom keeps telling me how talented you are. Think about it. Sean, Will, Jason, thank you so much for being with us today. I'll be very sad to see you go. So, it's a good thing the show's not over yet because every episode of Clueless ends with the cliffhanger puzzle.

• 12:31Speaker 00

  You wanted more Sting music, you got it.

• 12:34Jason Bateman?

  Heavy bassline.

• 12:35Speaker 00

  The cliffhanger puzzle is just a little bit of extra puzzle. We put it in a tougher way for you to take home and pick at it until the next episode. And today's puzzle takes the form, today's puzzle takes the form of a little story.

• 12:47Speaker 00

  It seems that the energy drink Prime Hydration has been so successful that the company celebrated by creating two solid gold Prime bottles. The gold bottles are an appropriate vessel for the drink. Silver bottles would also be appropriate, but iron or tin bottles would not be. Why is that the case? That's for you to noodle over until our next episode. Sean, Will, Jason, are you guys gonna get any sleep between now and the moment you learn the answer to this puzzle?

• 13:15Jason Bateman?

  Not if I get all hopped up on Prime Beverage.

• 13:18Will Arnett?

  Yeah, I'm gonna sleep great. I'm gonna be honest with you.

• 13:22Speaker 00

  Maybe even better, maybe a little better than normal.

• 13:24Will Arnett?

  I mean, Elliot, I gotta say, just, just the very end of your question, I was just entering REM.

• 13:32Speaker 00

  We'll reveal the answer to today's cliffhanger puzzle at the top of our next episode, which, guess what? You can listen to right now. Just click the link in this episode description to follow us on Apple Podcasts or search for Smartless Presents Clueless in your podcast app of choice. Make sure to follow, subscribe, rate, review, all the things that you can do to let us know you love this show. And with that, this first episode of Clueless must come to an end. Will, Jason, thank you so much for joining us. Sean, thank you for being Sean Hayes. Somebody has to. I'm glad you took the burden on.

• 14:04Jason Bateman?

  Exhausting, yeah.

• 14:05Speaker 00

  And as long as I'm just handing out thank yous, why don't I toss one to the audience's way as well? Thank you, audience, for listening to this show. This has been Clueless. We'll be back next episode with more puzzles and more Sean Hayes, not necessarily in that order. I've been your host, Elliott Kalin, reminding you to join us next time because if you give us less than 24 hours' notice, we still have to charge you for the appointment. Goodbye.

• 14:24Will Arnett?

  Yay.

• 14:24Jason Bateman?

  Very nice. Thank you, guys.

• 14:26Sean Hayes?

  Thank you, Elliot.

• 14:29Speaker 04

  You have been listening to Smartless Presents Clueless, a Smartless Media production in association with SiriusXM. Your host is Elliot Kaylin, who also writes our scripts. Your constant contestant is Sean Hayes, who is 5'11". Your producer, editor, and engineer is Devon Tory-Bright, who is me. I also write all the music and sound effects. Assistant engineer, Kyle McGraw. Today's puzzles were written by Matt Broussard and Josh Richmond. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate producer, Maddie McCann. Social media producer, Tommy Galgano. Executive producers are Elliot Kaylin, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky. Remember to follow, subscribe, rate, and review the show. It really helps. That's all for now.

• 15:14Speaker 04

  We will see you again for more.

• 15:24Sean Hayes?

  I'm Clueless.