"Hugh Grant"

This week, Hugh Grant joins us pre-coffee and commando. Diplomacy, an evil Champagne Baron, the Shanks, Greed & Laziness, and the very slippery slope of douchebaggery. “The whole thing started by mistake,” it’s an all-new SmartLess.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Sean Hayes?

  This episode of Smartless is sponsored by Google Book. You know, I'm lucky to have a lot of friends and having them over is great, but with hosting comes all the tedious stuff. The planning, keeping track of who's coming, managing schedules, making sure everything actually comes together. That's where Google Book comes in. It's a whole new kind of laptop. It comes with Google AI Pro, so you can create custom tasks with Gemini. For example, you can tell it to track RSVPs and manage your calendar, and it does that for you, even when the laptop's closed. So there's more time to focus on the fun parts of hosting. Basically, Google Book works hard, so you don't have to. Visit googlebook.com. Available in the Gemini app to Google AI Pro users

• 0:45Sean Hayes?

  in select regions for 18-plus users. Check responses for accuracy. Supervise closely; interrupt when needed.

• 0:54Sean Hayes?

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• 1:34Sean Hayes?

  Ready for a college degree, but your dog is giving you the side eye while silently judging your life choices? You need to check out Southern New Hampshire University. Their online programs make it possible to earn your degree without sacrificing sleep, sanity, or Scooby snacks. And there's real support from actual humans, if you want that. So you can focus on what matters most: your dog. No, your future. Get the degree your dog approves of. Apply today at snhu.edu/smartless.

• 2:09Sean Hayes?

  This fall, LL Bean is celebrating the moments people look forward to all year. The first school drop-off, the first sweater weather day, and the first chilly evening around the fire pit. For over 100 years, LL Bean has been part of these traditions. Crunching leaves in Maine-made bean boots, cheering from the sidelines in Scotch-plaid flannel, and walking the dog in a rugged field coat. That would be so fun. So grab the layers and people you love and get outside. Visit llbean.com to shop the fall collection. LL Bean: Be an Outsider.

• 2:54Sean Hayes?

  Hey, guys. I'm off to the supermarket to do some grocery shopping, and I thought you guys would like to know what's on my list. Here we go. Ready? Yogurt, granola, tomato sauce, ketchup, dried fruit, baked beans, nut butter, chocolate melt, cereal bars, bread, condiments, salad dressings, protein bars, candy, tea, crackers, energy drinks, canned fruit, juice, coffee, soda, ice cream, barbecue sauce, and cakes. Welcome to Smart List.

• 3:31Sean Hayes?

  I had a great day yesterday. Yesterday, remember, we were talking about my heart bullshit?

• 3:36Jason Bateman?

  Oh, yeah. Did you get a new one yesterday?

• 3:38Sean Hayes?

  No, I didn't get a new one, but I went and ate lunch by myself. I had really bad sushi. Then I went and got, I bought two books and I had an ice cream cone on the way home. I was like, this is it.

• 3:49Jason Bateman?

  This is solo?

• 3:51Sean Hayes?

  This is by myself.

• 3:51Jason Bateman?

  This is to make your heart better?

• 3:55Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, it was. And then I went to the bookstore. Hey, by the way, do bookstores make you want to poop a little bit?

• 4:01Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:02Sean Hayes?

  You know what I mean?

• 4:03Jason Bateman?

  No, I don't. Something about just standing on your feet that long. I think gravity takes over.

• 4:06Sean Hayes?

  No, but it's like some, the coziness of a bookstore, the coziness of like a pharmacy, you know, no?

• 4:12Jason Bateman?

  Hang on.

• 4:13Sean Hayes?

  Or like, like a, like a, or like a gift shop.

• 4:15Will Arnett?

  Sorry, coziness?

• 4:16Sean Hayes?

  No.

• 4:17Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, there was a comparison between a bookstore and a pharmacy?

• 4:20Sean Hayes?

  Well, yeah, just like.

• 4:21Jason Bateman?

  A similarity?

• 4:22Sean Hayes?

  Like the coat, like the quietness of it and the coziness of it, it really gets my stomach going.

• 4:27Jason Bateman?

  This hypochondriac finds pharmacies comforting and cozy.

• 4:31Will Arnett?

  So JB, bookstore is a place where, okay.

• 4:38Sean Hayes?

  Guy, which seems like a perfect segue to go into something we should talk about just for two seconds. Smartless Media is now doing a new show called Clueless.

• 4:48Jason Bateman?

  Yes. I've heard about this.

• 4:50Sean Hayes?

  Yes, you both were on an episode, actually our first episode.

• 4:54Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 4:54Sean Hayes?

  And it's out now.

• 4:55Jason Bateman?

  This is not a podcast starring Alicia Silverstone, right?

• 4:58Sean Hayes?

  No, this is, that is correct. It stars the host, the host is Elliot Kalin. He's the former head writer of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Mystery Science Theater 3000.

• 5:07Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 5:08Sean Hayes?

  A bunch of great stuff. He's so funny and I'm the permanent contestant.

• 5:12Jason Bateman?

  You're the clue less part of it. He's the clue full part.

• 5:15Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, that's exactly right. It's like 10 to 12 minute episodes of just puzzle podcasts and it's super fun.

• 5:20Jason Bateman?

  So they're little sprints?

• 5:21Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, you can like try to solve it while you're driving or listening to the show and it's only 10 minutes and it's super fun.

• 5:26Jason Bateman?

  Will, how long do you take playing Wordle each day, Will?

• 5:29Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 5:30Jason Bateman?

  What was, what was it take for you to get through Wordle?

• 5:33Will Arnett?

  Pretty quick.

• 5:34Jason Bateman?

  Pretty quick, because you usually bust real fast, right? You just guess, guess, guess, guess, I'm out.

• 5:38Will Arnett?

  I sure, I sure don't. I would stack, I would stack my, my Wordle in timing and also success rate against yours any day.

• 5:46Jason Bateman?

  No, no, you're definitely smarter than me.

• 5:48Will Arnett?

  Anyway, so Clueless is coming up. It's great. You should listen to it.

• 5:51Jason Bateman?

  It takes no longer than, than the average person would take to solve Wordle. If you're super bright like Will Arnett, I mean.

• 5:58Will Arnett?

  It's fun, it's fun, it's fun.

• 6:00Sean Hayes?

  It's a super fun show. It's super fun games and it premieres Monday, November 18th and I'm on every episode and I play with family and friends and you guys were kind enough to do the first episode.

• 6:09Will Arnett?

  It was a lot of fun.

• 6:09Sean Hayes?

  It was, yeah.

• 6:10Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, I liked it a lot.

• 6:11Will Arnett?

  It was a lot of fun.

• 6:12Sean Hayes?

  It's all for Smartless Media, which is fun. And that's our little plug.

• 6:15Jason Bateman?

  Just check it out, bros.

• 6:16Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 6:16Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 6:17Jason Bateman?

  Yos.

• 6:18Will Arnett?

  And, and gals. Um, hey, listen, speaking of checking out.

• 6:25Will Arnett?

  You know what I like to check out?

• 6:27Jason Bateman?

  Oh, here it comes.

• 6:28Will Arnett?

  Are the films of our guest today.

• 6:32Jason Bateman?

  You like? Oh.

• 6:33Will Arnett?

  Well, and, and I don't think that I'm alone because I read somewhere that I think that our, our guest's films have grossed north of $4 billion worldwide.

• 6:43Jason Bateman?

  That's strong.

• 6:44Will Arnett?

  That's a very strong number. And what's even stronger about it-

• 6:49Jason Bateman?

  I hope this person had a nice definition.

• 6:51Will Arnett?

  What, what's, well, I, I wonder if they did. What's even stronger about it is-

• 6:55Sean Hayes?

  For Tracy, that's a profit participation.

• 6:56Will Arnett?

  Is, um, is the fact that they're so varied in the types of films they are. And some of them are sort of what you would consider sort of indie type films. Some of them were what you would consider to be sort of, uh, comedies. Some are what you might consider to be romantic comedies. Some you might consider to be just straight up, uh, dramas. Some would be period pieces.

• 7:20Jason Bateman?

  Everything.

• 7:21Will Arnett?

  Everything. And, and for, for, in addition to, to the financial reward, our guest has also been rewarded with loads of nominations and wins for SAGs and Golden Globes and BAFTAs and Emmys.

• 7:38Sean Hayes?

  Oh, it's a smarty.

• 7:39Will Arnett?

  I mean, this, this person-

• 7:41Jason Bateman?

  Or he.

• 7:42Will Arnett?

  He-

• 7:43Sean Hayes?

  He's a smarty. He's a smarty.

• 7:44Will Arnett?

  He has been such a part of the film landscape for so long. I know that, I, I imagine he's embarrassed by my intro, but he shouldn't be because he has done everything. He's taught us about love, actually. He's taught us about what it's supposed to be about a boy. He's on it all. And now he has a new horror film called Heretic. You guys, it's, it's Hugh Grant whom I do not know.

• 8:06Jason Bateman?

  The one and only Hugh Grant.

• 8:08Sean Hayes?

  Look at this guy.

• 8:09Speaker 03

  Do I take this off now?

• 8:10Will Arnett?

  Yes, take it off.

• 8:12Sean Hayes?

  Oh, look at this guy.

• 8:13Jason Bateman?

  No, no, not the shirt. Not the shirt.

• 8:16Sean Hayes?

  It's a silver fox. Guys, we've got a silver fox on today.

• 8:19Will Arnett?

  It is the one and only Hugh Grant. Hugh Grant, welcome to Smartless.

• 8:24Speaker 03

  It's very nice of you to have me.

• 8:25Jason Bateman?

  Good morning.

• 8:26Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, this is really cool. I only met you once on the street of New York City and I said, Hugh Grant. You said, hello. That's it.

• 8:33Speaker 03

  It was in a dismissive-

• 8:35Sean Hayes?

  No, you were very nice.

• 8:36Speaker 03

  Cold kind of way.

• 8:37Sean Hayes?

  No, no, no.

• 8:38Speaker 03

  I'm not a very nice man.

• 8:43Jason Bateman?

  We're all the same.

• 8:45Will Arnett?

  That's entirely untrue, I'm sure.

• 8:48Jason Bateman?

  So, did Sean yell it too loud and everyone then stopped and wanted to take a picture?

• 8:53Sean Hayes?

  No, you were.

• 8:54Speaker 03

  I don't know. I was probably a bit hungover and grumpy.

• 8:58Jason Bateman?

  There you go.

• 8:59Sean Hayes?

  No, no.

• 9:00Speaker 03

  Did I have a child with me? I've got millions.

• 9:05Speaker 03

  Makes me unpleasant.

• 9:07Will Arnett?

  Get in, get in line.

• 9:10Jason Bateman?

  How many kids do you have?

• 9:13Speaker 03

  Well, we think it's five.

• 9:18Speaker 03

  But I had them much too old in life. You know, I started when I was 52 and now, you know.

• 9:23Jason Bateman?

  Your first kid, you were 52? Wow.

• 9:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, I'm 64, you know, and the youngest is six and I, I need a long stint in a sanatorium or an abbey. I often look at the abbey that Maria lives in in The Sound of Music.

• 9:39Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 9:40Speaker 03

  And wish I lived there.

• 9:41Will Arnett?

  What about one of those old, like really old monasteries that they built at tops of mountains that are accessible by just like a very narrow path?

• 9:49Speaker 03

  I'm frightened of monks.

• 9:51Will Arnett?

  Okay.

• 9:51Speaker 03

  I don't mind nuns.

• 9:54Jason Bateman?

  Are you in Los Angeles right now?

• 9:56Speaker 03

  I've just arrived last night.

• 9:58Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 9:59Speaker 03

  I've come to bang the drum for my film. I'm from London.

• 10:03Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 10:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:05Jason Bateman?

  How is that flying this way? Is it harder coming this way than it is going the other?

• 10:09Speaker 03

  It's brutal both ways, I find. I can't, I can't do it anymore. I think that's another age thing. I, I woke up hours ago, very, very hungry and it felt like my heart is made of Play-Doh. Do you have Play-Doh?

• 10:23Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, we have Play-Doh.

• 10:24Will Arnett?

  Yeah, of course.

• 10:25Sean Hayes?

  I used to eat it.

• 10:25Jason Bateman?

  Sean's got a doctor for you.

• 10:27Will Arnett?

  I've got some upstairs. Hugh, you should know this, that Sean, two, three nights ago, woke up in the middle of the night with a heart issue, drove himself to Cedars-Sinai, didn't wake up his husband, drove himself to Cedars-Sinai, they brought the paddles out, they put them under, they paddled them. He drove home, an hour later, he woke up to use the bathroom again and drove himself back to Cedars and got paddled again.

• 10:50Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, and then went to dinner, dinner that night.

• 10:52Will Arnett?

  So, you're jet lagged by comparison and, and I'm not saying this to, to make you feel bad.

• 10:57Speaker 03

  Well, no, you are and I.

• 10:59Jason Bateman?

  That's working.

• 11:02Speaker 03

  I feel humiliated.

• 11:03Sean Hayes?

  But by God, Hugh, you look fucking great.

• 11:07Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 11:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, you do. No, I don't.

• 11:09Sean Hayes?

  You do, I'm telling you.

• 11:11Jason Bateman?

  You do. You've managed to keep it going all this time.

• 11:13Speaker 03

  Do you know what I forgot to bring? Because I'm a bad packer. Underwear. So I'm talking to you, Commando, this morning. I feel a little bit exciting.

• 11:23Jason Bateman?

  I had a stint with that. I went a couple of years with that.

• 11:27Will Arnett?

  Yeah, let's not go down that, Jason, because we know what happened.

• 11:29Sean Hayes?

  No, I'm not interested in going down it again.

• 11:30Will Arnett?

  Well, the details on it are not, are a little sordid, let's be honest.

• 11:33Sean Hayes?

  I used to wear boxers in college. I just didn't, I thought, because I was supposed to. And I was just like, it's dumb. I don't get boxers.

• 11:40Speaker 03

  That's a miserable experience.

• 11:41Sean Hayes?

  They don't provide any, like, worth at all.

• 11:44Speaker 03

  I like to be cupped.

• 11:45Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 11:46Will Arnett?

  You like to be cupped. That's good. Yeah, he likes to be cupped. And Jay, how do you go now? Do you not wear any undergarments?

• 11:55Jason Bateman?

  No, no, no. I'm into the boxer briefs now. It's a semi, semi, semi cup.

• 11:59Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, same.

• 12:00Will Arnett?

  Okay.

• 12:01Speaker 03

  I think that's the answer.

• 12:02Will Arnett?

  So Hugh, we can, listen, and feel free to say no. We can send somebody over with a variety if you'd like.

• 12:11Speaker 03

  No, I've already asked a concierge in a hotel to provide some. He looked surprised.

• 12:19Speaker 03

  I'll go shopping.

• 12:21Will Arnett?

  Hugh Grant, honestly, you know, I do feel, I'm sorry to say, you're one of those sort of film stars that I feel like, because I've seen you in so many films, I feel like, oh yeah, well, it's Hugh Grant whom I know from earlier. And there is that sort of familiarity that we have through roles. And you have done so many different, and now, I think I'm safe to say, you're doing something that is completely new. Now you're doing this, this sort of horror film, if you will, for lack of a better word, right?

• 12:53Sean Hayes?

  Oh, yeah. I love it.

• 12:54Speaker 03

  No, that is correct. We can call it horror, or we can call it psychological thriller.

• 13:00Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 13:01Speaker 03

  Perhaps for people who are frightened of horror films, like me.

• 13:05Jason Bateman?

  We can also call it one of the last remaining viable genres for theatrical distribution.

• 13:11Speaker 03

  Yes, why is that? Explain that to me.

• 13:13Jason Bateman?

  I'll bet you it's because people like to have the scare be a shared experience because a scare at home might be a little too scary and being in the big room.

• 13:24Sean Hayes?

  That's so true.

• 13:25Jason Bateman?

  You know, but you would think that comedy would be the same way, right? You want the, you want the shared experience of the laugh, but comedies have yet to come back.

• 13:34Will Arnett?

  I know, and I sort of brought that up actually to our friend Jason Blum, who makes a lot of horror type films. From, yeah, Blum House. And I said, and I said that JB, I said, well, why don't we make a comedy? And he said, no, there's no money in it.

• 13:46Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, I don't get it.

• 13:48Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 13:48Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, I don't get it either.

• 13:49Jason Bateman?

  I understand wanting to be home alone if you're gonna be crying. You don't wanna cry next to a stranger. But I do like laughing with strangers. I like being scared with strangers.

• 13:57Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 13:58Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, anyway.

• 14:00Will Arnett?

  Hugh?

• 14:00Jason Bateman?

  Hugh, comments?

• 14:01Speaker 03

  It's very, it's very sad. No one's sadder than me. My local cinema just closed down after thirty. I mean, I've, I've been going there for thirty years. It's been going for a hundred years. It's just awful.

• 14:11Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 14:12Speaker 03

  I cannot, to me, I can't understand the instinct of someone who says, I think I'll just hit home, sit at home and stream. That seems so utterly sad.

• 14:20Jason Bateman?

  It is nice to not have to leave the house. I mean.

• 14:23Speaker 03

  I couldn't disagree with you more. My only object in life is to get out of the house.

• 14:28Jason Bateman?

  Well, you've, you've got, you've got those kids running around making a bunch of noise.

• 14:32Will Arnett?

  Hang on JB, Hugh, this is, I wanna get into this. I'm so glad you're saying this because you're talking to these two. Are, are two people who would, and, and by the way, a lot of Angelinos who are sort of in the same, our age and who kinda do what we do are equally as boring as these two. No, you're not, you're not a gore for, but you have, you have zero ambition and are way too comfortable in your fucking plush lives. And you're not interested in anything other than yourselves.

• 15:00Jason Bateman?

  No, I am.

• 15:01Will Arnett?

  It's entirely true. Hugh, talk to me a little bit about getting out of the house. What is it you like to do so much?

• 15:09Speaker 03

  I've always regarded home as hell. I think homes are hell.

• 15:15Jason Bateman?

  You're a title of a biography.

• 15:20Sean Hayes?

  Home, hell, home.

• 15:21Speaker 03

  The guy who dresses me on films wants my autobiography to be called Coffee and Custard. And I think that is better, actually.

• 15:32Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, homes. I don't get it. That's why I don't understand why everyone wants to work from home. I cannot imagine anything more dreary or depressing.

• 15:40Jason Bateman?

  Hugh, are you currently married?

• 15:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm married to a terrifying giant Swede.

• 15:52Jason Bateman?

  We're gonna launch a new podcast from Smartless Media called Telling It Like It Is, starring Grant.

• 16:00Will Arnett?

  I could, Hugh, this is absolutely delightful and surprising, and obviously I don't know you. Tell us a little bit.

• 16:10Jason Bateman?

  About this cat you're married to.

• 16:12Will Arnett?

  This terrifying person who's in your life.

• 16:16Speaker 03

  Well, actually, she's magnificent.

• 16:21Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 16:21Speaker 03

  And...

• 16:23Jason Bateman?

  As are the kids. We know you just.

• 16:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, I should point that out. No, she's great. To my great surprise,

• 16:32Speaker 03

  while I was being pretty drunk for a few years in London about 13 years ago, the bar I used to hang out at, there was this hot Swede the other end of the bar. And it was her. She's an athlete. She was very nearly a pro tennis player, but she's just too angry.

• 16:56Speaker 03

  Anyway, we got closer and closer, and then we started breeding, and then we got in love, and now we're married.

• 17:03Jason Bateman?

  I love that.

• 17:03Speaker 03

  She's very much the man in the family. She comes from the northern part of Sweden. I mean, Swedish men, I think, are quite masculine anyway, but when they come from the north, where everyone lives among the trees, they're really seriously masculine. And men are not supposed to talk. If you talk, it's a bit girly.

• 17:26Speaker 03

  No, it's true. Her brothers, I've never heard them say a word. For yes and no, they just suck their teeth. They go, that's northern Swedish for yes or and no.

• 17:35Sean Hayes?

  Oh, look at this. Oh, look, oh, the food's coming for you.

• 17:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, I got some coffee, thank God.

• 17:39Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 17:40Speaker 03

  Thank you very much.

• 17:40Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, get that in.

• 17:41Will Arnett?

  Well, yeah, the Swedes do that. Hugh, if I'm wrong, they do that thing where they, when they talk on the phone, they go.

• 17:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's right. Yes, yes, that's it. That's a, that's a yes. That's an agreeable breath.

• 17:52Will Arnett?

  I've spent, I've spent some time in Stockholm over the years. I've been there, I've been there a few times and I, I quite like Sweden. And I always say that Sweden is kind of like Canada with much better architecture. And it's, and the people are really great, but they're also very blunt in that way that I think a lot of the sort of the Nordic people can be. And I always find, every time I went there, you know, I'd go and I'd see people, relatives or friends and they'd say, oh, look at you, you look quite fat. And I'm like, oh. And I'm like, well, it's great to see you too. My, my, you are tired. You are very tired and I can tell by your face looks terrible.

• 18:29Speaker 03

  That's absolutely correct. I don't allow my wife to go on any of the group chats with the schools because she offends everyone instantly with remarks exactly like.

• 18:39Sean Hayes?

  Wait, Hugh, did you ever, speaking of the, the character, how you just described your wife, did you find it difficult to give up control as a man when you met her? Like you had, before you met her, were you like more in control of, or did you believe you were in control of more? And then when you met her, you're like, yeah, I guess I could hand this off to her. This is fine.

• 19:00Speaker 03

  I seem to be quite happy in my pussy role. I, I just, I just can't believe she likes me. I mean, you know, I'm a bit chatty compared to Swedish men.

• 19:13Will Arnett?

  Sure.

• 19:13Speaker 03

  And I, you know, she catches me watching The Sound of Music in the afternoons.

• 19:18Sean Hayes?

  I love it. We get along great.

• 19:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:21Sean Hayes?

  God, I love the visual.

• 19:22Speaker 03

  She also has a long list of things that she says.

• 19:26Speaker 03

  Are unshagable in a man. And they're really tough, like having tea instead of coffee. Driving an electric car.

• 19:34Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 19:35Sean Hayes?

  Wow. So far, check, check for me.

• 19:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly. I wish I could remember the other ones. They're good.

• 19:42Jason Bateman?

  So those are things that deem you ineligible for her pleasure?

• 19:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's correct.

• 19:51Jason Bateman?

  So you're a coffee man, full combustion engine?

• 19:54Speaker 03

  So all three children are adopted.

• 19:56Will Arnett?

  So wait, so what? So what is she seeing you, man?

• 20:02Speaker 03

  I know. It's a mystery. And she was married before to a very butch ski champion instructor or something. And now, there was an ugly moment when I was filming this film, Heretic, in Canada. When I went for a walk one day, we were filming in Vancouver, I went for a walk on Whistler Mountain.

• 20:23Will Arnett?

  Sure.

• 20:23Speaker 03

  Nearby.

• 20:24Will Arnett?

  Beautiful.

• 20:25Speaker 03

  And I told my wife on the phone and there was a bit of a silence. And then it turned out that her ex-husband lives on Whistler Mountain.

• 20:31Sean Hayes?

  No way.

• 20:33Speaker 03

  I'm not very good in nature. And I did get into slight difficulties that day. And I had this nightmare scenario in which her ex-husband rescues me.

• 20:43Speaker 03

  Carries me down the mountain over his shoulder. That would have been a low.

• 20:46Will Arnett?

  He rescues you because he lives in the trees. Because he's living close to the bone on the land.

• 20:54Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 20:54Will Arnett?

  Hauling logs through waist-deep snow.

• 20:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, that's him.

• 21:01Jason Bateman?

  And we will be right back.

• 21:05Sean Hayes?

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• 21:50Sean Hayes?

  Red Velvet, and Peanut Butter Mousse. I wish I could have each one of those right now. After all, great nutrition only works if you actually want to keep eating it right. Order Stars and Honey Protein Bars at starsandhoney.com, or find them at Target stores nationwide. That's starsandhoney.com, or pick up a box on your next Target shopping trip.

• 22:13Sean Hayes?

  Sonos is a sound system engineered to make you feel. You know how you can walk into a room and it just has a certain mood? The right music can completely change that. You put on a song everyone knows, and suddenly people are hanging out, singing along, maybe dancing around a little bit. It just changes the energy. And with Sonos throughout the house, you can keep that going from room to room. The music basically moves through the house with you. I've had Sonos for years and years and years, and I pump it through the house when I'm getting ready to go out, when we're having people over for dinner, and it's really, really terrific. And when I want to, I just lift it up off the base and take it outside. You can actually move it outside, and it's so cool. It makes outside just as great listening as inside.

• 22:58Sean Hayes?

  So whether you're trying to wind down, get some energy going, have people over, whatever it is, Sonos helps set the mood. Love the sound, feel the system. Visit sonos.com to build your system.

• 23:13Will Arnett?

  Investing with Schwab might remind you of one of your friends. Yes, the one who is smart, good at finances, and loves having it all. That one effortlessly cool friend who likes to mix and match their style by dressing up and down at the same time. You know, that suit and sneakers kind of thing. One minute it's tailored jacket energy, the next it's casual Friday energy. But somehow, it always works. Because when you invest with Schwab, you can invest your way. Keep it casual by making your own trades here and there. Or keep it classy and put on your fancy pants with full-service wealth management. Or be like your buddy and do a little bit of both. Because sometimes you want to be hands-on,

• 23:57Will Arnett?

  and other times you'd rather let someone else handle the details. So you can get back to building an outfit that says, "Board meeting up top, weekend vibes down below." Visit schwab.com to learn more. That's S-E-H-W-A-B dot com.

• 24:17Sean Hayes?

  This episode of Smart List is brought to you in part by Skinny Pop popcorn. Sometimes when you're in the snacking mood, it's easy not to have to think. Snacking should be simple, like Skinny Pop popcorn. It's made with quality ingredients and still delivers delicious flavor. Start with original Skinny Pop. It's made with just three simple ingredients, so you don't need a science degree to understand what's in it. Feeling fancy but not too fancy? Give white cheddar a try. The sweet and salty kettle is always a family favorite. And the butter variety, it never fails for nights that involve a couch, a screen, and absolutely nowhere else to be. No matter the pick, Skinny Pop delivers light, airy, and endlessly delicious popcorn you can feel good about. Almost every night at my house is movie night,

• 25:02Sean Hayes?

  and that's when I grab the butter Skinny Pop. It's so delicious. Deliciously popped, perfectly seasoned Skinny Pop. Popular for a reason.

• 25:15Sean Hayes?

  And now, back to the show.

• 25:18Will Arnett?

  Hugh, let's go way back. Let's go way back to... So I think for a lot of people, certainly in this country and in Canada as well, I'm going to speak to my fellow Canadians. We sort of came to know you, I think, through Four Weddings and a Funeral was the thing where we went, everybody went, "Oh, this guy is amazing." But truth be told, it wasn't your first film. You'd made quite a few films before, yeah?

• 25:43Speaker 03

  I had a career before Four Weddings, but it was a bit lame.

• 25:50Speaker 03

  I specialized in really low quality mini-series.

• 25:57Speaker 03

  Like Judith Crance's Till We Meet Again.

• 26:02Speaker 03

  I was always, for some reason, in these mini-series, I was always champagne baron, an evil champagne baron. I did hundreds of those parts. And I, you know, used to sell the family reserves of the best champagne to the Nazis and then get horse-whipped out of the house by Michael York.

• 26:23Will Arnett?

  Horse-whipped out of the house!

• 26:25Jason Bateman?

  Another alternate title for the biography.

• 26:27Speaker 03

  Having raped my half-sister Courtney Cox.

• 26:30Jason Bateman?

  Oh my god.

• 26:31Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 26:33Will Arnett?

  Jesus Christ. This is taking a turn for the better.

• 26:38Jason Bateman?

  And keep going, and?

• 26:40Sean Hayes?

  I'd love to see this.

• 26:41Speaker 03

  Oh, there was another one where I was, you know, there's a, there's a brand of champagne called Charles Adsic? Anyway, I was him. And...

• 26:52Jason Bateman?

  What do you mean?

• 26:53Speaker 03

  Well, I played him. I played him. It was partly sponsored by the champagne makers themselves. It was not a high point in television history, I don't think.

• 27:00Jason Bateman?

  Okay.

• 27:01Speaker 03

  And I made the mistake of doing a French accent. I didn't have great lines. I remember I had to say things like, "You must listen to the champagne. There is laughter in the bubbles." You know, it was lines like that.

• 27:16Jason Bateman?

  God. How long, how long have you been a professional actor, earning a paycheck?

• 27:22Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, well, forty years.

• 27:25Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 27:26Sean Hayes?

  Wow, amazing.

• 27:27Jason Bateman?

  And it start, and before you were earning a paycheck, you were, you were learning, I'm guessing. Was there, was there much training? Was there?

• 27:35Speaker 03

  No, you can tell.

• 27:36Jason Bateman?

  How early did the bug bite you?

• 27:37Will Arnett?

  You can tell!

• 27:39Jason Bateman?

  Maybe it was not great training. No, you're a fine actor.

• 27:42Speaker 03

  I never, I never trained. The whole thing started by mistake. I had left university. I was heading off to do another degree in a different subject, which I didn't really want to do that much.

• 27:54Will Arnett?

  Which was what?

• 27:55Speaker 03

  Well, I was highly pretentious. I'd just done a degree in English literature. Thank you. I was off to do...

• 28:03Speaker 03

  A history of art masters. And anyway, as I, in the summer, when that was about to happen, someone said, come and watch this amateur film that I had played a small part in, while a student at Oxford. And I thought, I might as well, I was showing BAFTA in Piccadilly that night. And I went there on my bicycle and I watched it. It was not a good film. I was not good in it. But at that time in England, it was very much the vogue for actors to be hoity-toity, posh. It was the time of chariots of fire and brideshead revisited and things like that.

• 28:46Speaker 03

  So agents said to me, would you like to be an actor? We'd like to represent you. And I said, no, thank you very much. And went back to prepare for a world in the history of art. And then I suddenly thought, actually, I've got no money. So maybe I should do that for a year and then I'll go and do my other degree. So I rang them back. I said, yeah, look, I'll do this for a bit. And I, I got jobs, but I was so bad, I thought, I can't leave it at that. I'll do one more and try and be better. And that has gone on for forty years.

• 29:20Sean Hayes?

  Isn't that interesting? Yeah, because, because you're English, like, we all revere. And you, it's just, you just assume that you've had all this training as most.

• 29:32Will Arnett?

  Well, I was gonna say, yeah, and there are so many, of course, there are so many English actors who, who work over here and, and who, as Englishmen or, or pose as Americans. But there is always that thing about, you know, having gone to drama school, having gone to, you know, RADA or whatever. And I wonder if growing up in that environment. Now, of course, you were coming out of Oxford, but growing up, and, and a lot of your peers who are coming out of these schools, was there kind of a?

• 30:04Will Arnett?

  I don't know, was there a thing about that? Was that, was that something that they, that those people? I'm not asking you to speak ill of your friends. But was, was there a kind of a thing about that? Were they kind of, were they lorded that over?

• 30:17Speaker 03

  Were the ones who'd been to drama school?

• 30:18Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 30:19Speaker 03

  Well, when I did this acting, I was nervous of them because I, I thought they must know stuff I don't know. And I, I did read books about, you know, the voice and the body. And I did tragic drills in the park by myself.

• 30:36Speaker 03

  No, really awful, awful. I did one where you had to say you must run backwards with your arms spread out shouting, "Ha!" from your diaphragm. And I, I was in the theatre up in Nottingham, in north of England at the time. And I went to the local park and I did these things. And then I remember looking over at some local kids who were saying, "Look, he's doing it again. What a wanker."

• 31:03Jason Bateman?

  There he goes again.

• 31:04Speaker 03

  Yeah. In many ways, they were right.

• 31:08Jason Bateman?

  Um, do you, do you remember what the, what the, what the, um, what the big switch and, and change was? When you went back to do it again and do it better and, and, and, uh, and not be quite as, as bad an actor as you, you say you were? Do you remember what, what, did you do anything on purpose that pushed you more towards the higher quality performance? Was there one thing?

• 31:31Speaker 03

  Well, you, you will know this, it's only about parts. It's just about how good the part is really. And in the end, uh, the script For Weddings and a Funeral came across my desk. And, um, I auditioned and they really didn't want me. The guy who wrote it, uh, Richard Curtis, really didn't want me. He thought I was all wrong. But the man who directed it did, and that seemed to help. Although I must say, I never really felt I, I got that part. I, you know, you, you get that feeling, don't you? And you think, "I'm being rather good, I'm absolutely in character here." I never, I never felt that with.

• 32:04Will Arnett?

  How do you mean?

• 32:05Speaker 03

  That guy.

• 32:05Will Arnett?

  How do you mean?

• 32:06Speaker 03

  I couldn't hear him. I, I have to hear them and I couldn't hear him. Well, I couldn't anyway off the page. It helped after I finally met Richard Curtis, who wrote it, who is that guy? And so in some ways, I'm just doing an imitation of him in that film.

• 32:22Sean Hayes?

  Do you ever sit back and because I mean, we've all seen so much of your work. Do you absorb how do you get a moment of how being proud of yourself and like taking it all in and being like, I mean, you don't seem the type, but like my wish for you is that you is that you accept it, you know, accept all the great work you've done.

• 32:44Speaker 03

  Well, it's nice of you. I've got better. And that's a that is a mystery. It's but again, I think it's partly parts. When I got too old and ugly to do romantic comedies and started being offered these weirdo parts, it suited me better.

• 32:57Sean Hayes?

  Now you're now you're killing people running down the street.

• 33:02Speaker 03

  And and you know, I have another weird. Well, I have two theories about it. One is I learnt really much too late in my career that you have to mean it. You have to think it. There's a whole other script behind the script, which is all about thoughts and feelings. And prior to that, I'd always just thought, I just need to land this funny line, right timing. And that's, that's not the way to be good. So meaning it was one thing. But the other thing was I have a weird theory that it was having children. I think I I was a dried up, middle aged, golf addicted Englishman. Then I had children and suddenly I had heart and I I had more layers or something.

• 33:43Will Arnett?

  Wait a second. Now you're speaking our language. Jason and I are we're in two hours. We're we're tinging. And if you ever are in town and you want to play with us, Hugh.

• 33:54Sean Hayes?

  Hugh just said, can I come?

• 33:55Speaker 03

  I just asked.

• 33:56Will Arnett?

  Okay.

• 33:56Speaker 03

  Now, I can't today. You'll be glad to hear.

• 33:59Will Arnett?

  We need a fourth tomorrow. We need a fourth if you can play tomorrow.

• 34:00Sean Hayes?

  So Hugh, the talk a little bit about, you know, when you say jokingly, you said, you know, too old, too ugly to do the rom com parts anymore. But, you know, talk a bit about sort of the half serious part of that where, you know, your looks still are incredible. But that that was a

• 34:20Jason Bateman?

  A large part of what we knew and loved about you was this incredibly handsome, dashing man providing the lead in all of these films, which I'd like to still see you do, considering your incredible looks maintaining here. But was that something that got in your way? Like some sort of famously beautiful actresses of our time have often mentioned that they weren't taken seriously because they were so gorgeous? I mean, was that ever something that you thought, well, I want to be taken seriously as an actor, but people are hiring me for my looks? Was that ever something that was a problem?

• 35:01Speaker 03

  Well, I entirely lost faith that I could do anything else. I believed my critics, really. But I see now maybe I was wrong, because at the very beginning, if I had any talent, it was for doing strange characters and silly voices and things, outlandish things that were nothing like me. And I had this comedy group that was actually quite successful, the London and Edinburgh sort of fringe circuit, which was all character stuff, you know, silly characters.

• 35:30Jason Bateman?

  What kind of year was it?

• 35:32Speaker 03

  That would be mid 80s.

• 35:33Jason Bateman?

  Okay.

• 35:34Speaker 03

  And, yeah, we used to perform in pubs with people like Mike Myers. He was next on the bill. Yeah. And that was fun. And actually, just after I made Four Weddings, I shot another film with the same director before Four Weddings was actually released, which was, you know, I was a nicotine-stained, predatory, evil, twisted, unpleasant theater director. And I was pretty good. And I wish that at least I'd kept that other strand of my career going through all those years and years of rom-coms. Not that I, I hasten to add, not that I hate the romantic comedies, I'm proud of them. It's nice to have made films that actually entertain people, and they're much harder

• 36:17Speaker 03

  than people think, and in some cases, much better, I think, than the sneers think. My wife's good on this. She was watching, I think, Love Actually the other day, because we like to watch one of my films every night. I make all the children watch it.

• 36:33Speaker 03

  If they don't watch them, they don't get fed. She said, quite correctly, she said, what's good about this film is that it's about pain. And those, the good romantic comedies I did were really about pain. It's about humor dealing with pain, the pain of being in unrequited love, et cetera.

• 36:51Jason Bateman?

  And so do you, do you feel that perhaps, but for the massive success of, of the more sort of commercial efforts that you made, the rom com stuff, that you would have maybe had a better chance at being received as a, as a, as a thespian? It's, you know, sometimes, you know, our, our great directors get stuck in that too. You know, they're, they're, they're incredibly sophisticated, but then they direct some big popcorn success and now they're that director.

• 37:17Will Arnett?

  Where they're shackled by financial success.

• 37:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly. Greed plays a big part in this.

• 37:22Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 37:22Speaker 03

  Greed and laziness.

• 37:26Speaker 03

  And they, they've played, those two have played a huge part in my career.

• 37:29Jason Bateman?

  Well, but you're being falsely modest here, but do you think that, would you have made different decisions earlier on to balance out more of the output, like chosen some weird characters alongside the others?

• 37:43Speaker 03

  Yes, yes, yes. Well, I still had some confidence coming off this other weird film I did before Four Weddings. And then another one called Restoration, which was not a very successful film with Robert Downey, but I played a kind of freakish cameo in that and I was pretty good, I thought. And I should have, I should have at least kept that going.

• 38:01Jason Bateman?

  Well, are you looking forward to now, this, this stage of, you know, maybe like saying, well, check out what's been under this all this time and here comes some more interesting parts from it?

• 38:14Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, I suppose that's, that's what I've been doing for the last seven or eight years.

• 38:18Will Arnett?

  Yeah, I was gonna say that. It seems like you've kind of been on that track a little bit, yeah, and you've been sort of mixing it up.

• 38:24Speaker 03

  I, yeah, I have mixed it up.

• 38:27Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, just, just, I'm so late to the party, but The Undoing is a perfect example. That you were so great in that with Nicole Kidman and I loved that series because I'm a big fan of thrillers and stuff like that. So that was incredible. I loved that series.

• 38:41Speaker 03

  Oh, that's nice of you. Yeah, not easy, but very well directed, that thing, very well. But Susanna Beer, Danish, you know, that whole Scandi Noir thing, she brought, she made that what it was, I think.

• 38:53Jason Bateman?

  Really cool.

• 38:54Speaker 03

  I think so.

• 38:55Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 38:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, I was gonna say, I don't want to spoil it, but it's ancient history now. To be that charming guy, the ideal husband, he's a cancer doctor for kids. Loving to his child, loving to his wife, marvelous. And it turns out he's an absolute savage psychopath.

• 39:14Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, I love it.

• 39:15Will Arnett?

  You know, it's funny, Hugh, you seem to have like this, this, this very sort of, um, I gotta say, kind of refreshing and, and very, I don't even know what to say, sort of honest, uh, this sort of, sort of self appraisal that you're doing and, and maybe it's because, and I, and I will say, I do share with you, as now that I'm north of fifty, I'm fifty-four, I, I spend a lot of time, I don't take as many things as seriously as I used to when I was a young man, certainly when I was a young actor. Certainly, my career, I didn't have the career that you did in film. In fact, I always joked that if it wasn't for bad films, I would have made one. But, but, but you, you, you seem to have this very sort of healthy, um, self-deprecating

• 40:00Will Arnett?

  thing, and it's not even self-deprecating, I think it's quite, it's obviously very funny, but it's also, I, I wonder how much of it for you is cathartic to just kind of let it all go and, and not be serious about it. Is that a conscious decision? I, I, I quite like it and, and you're encouraging me to do it more about myself.

• 40:20Speaker 03

  Well, I don't know, I mean, I feel actors can sometimes get a little pious or reverent about what they're doing. And I've never, I've never been able to go down that alley. I do in the end think we're in the entertainment business, and if you're not entertaining people.

• 40:40Sean Hayes?

  What are you doing?

• 40:40Speaker 03

  What are you doing? It's a bit of a, it's a bit masturbatory.

• 40:44Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, I agree, I agree.

• 40:46Will Arnett?

  Sean, you want to speak to that?

• 40:48Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, thank you.

• 40:51Sean Hayes?

  No, I totally agree. I always thought that, like, if you, exactly what you just said, like, there's a lane to pick where you make great things that speak to your heart and that are true for you and that you want to make, and that's called art. And in some form, it's all art. But if nobody's watching you make that art, it's like if a tree falls in the forest, you know, like, then what are you doing?

• 41:15Speaker 03

  I know, but that's not right either. I take back everything I just said.

• 41:19Sean Hayes?

  Okay.

• 41:20Speaker 03

  Because if you don't have the people trying new stuff.

• 41:24Sean Hayes?

  No, I know, it's a balancing act.

• 41:26Speaker 03

  It's a balancing act. And the problem is, I think, under the umbrella of art comes an awful lot of pretentious dross that deserves to die in the forest.

• 41:34Sean Hayes?

  That's true.

• 41:35Speaker 03

  But also, some absolute gems and artistry that actually genuinely gets me going. On the plane last night, I watched Zone of Interest. And you cannot get

• 41:49Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, that's incredible.

• 41:50Speaker 03

  More incredible filmmaking in every aspect than that film.

• 41:54Will Arnett?

  It's incredible.

• 41:55Speaker 03

  And that clearly is not made for, you know,

• 41:57Sean Hayes?

  Right, the masses.

• 41:58Speaker 03

  what you might call entertainment or money. But it's, you know, incredible.

• 42:03Will Arnett?

  Sean and Scotty, you guys don't, because you, it's not part of the MCU, as we'd call it, right? The Marvel Cinematic Universe that you so adore. Sean and his husband are, can often be found with sort of children's lightsabers battling on the front lawn.

• 42:21Sean Hayes?

  Spock ears on.

• 42:22Will Arnett?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:23Sean Hayes?

  I like to call it the front lines, but yeah. No, we, you know, we're big sci-fi fans. But I know what you mean. I think the goals then, you know, if you're making the thing, something like Zone of Interest, and it does find an audience, that's, as it has, I believe, that's the real win, is when you're making

• 42:41Will Arnett?

  Well, because it's illuminating. It's illuminating, right? I mean, not only is it great art, there's also a message, but it's illuminating and exposing people to art. Sometimes, Jason, as you say, making the medicine go down earlier, I hate even calling it medicine, because it is, but also getting into conversations about what is art and what is not art is a very slippery slope into douchebaggery.

• 43:03Sean Hayes?

  Right, right, right, for sure, for sure.

• 43:04Speaker 03

  And I think what sometimes has got lost, or perhaps has got lost, is the It was possible to make big, successful box office films that were smart. I used to have a deal with Castle Rock Pictures. And Rob Reiner, who was the kind of boss of that, always said, "There are two hundred million dollar movies in this country. One of them's moronic and the other is very bright." And you can make big, successful films that are intelligent, smart, you know, groundbreaking. And he did. Lots of them, you know. And I think it's sad that that's got lost, that that doesn't seem to exist so much anymore. Or maybe it's moved over to Netflix or somewhere.

• 43:51Sean Hayes?

  We'll be right back.

• 43:55Sean Hayes?

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• 44:39Sean Hayes?

  which always happens. So thank you to Glow Gummies for that. So head to glowgummies.com, that's G L O W gummies dot com, and use code SMARTLESS for 20% off your next order of delicious flavors like mango, blue raspberry, and blackberry lemonade, available in bottles or small, resealable bags that are for perfect on-the-go. HSA and FSA cards accepted at checkout. When you go low, rise up with Glow.

• 45:10Jason Bateman?

  This episode of Smartless is brought to you in part by SkinnyPop popcorn. So I think one of the great journeys in life is finding the snack that's right for you. You know, and it's constantly changing, but what is constant is the love of popcorn. I think that we all have. So finding a snack that tastes great and feels like a solid choice should not be more complicated than solving a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle. SkinnyPop popcorn, made with simple quality ingredients, always satisfies. No overthinking required. No jigsaw puzzle assembly required. It's a no-brainer.

• 45:54Jason Bateman?

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• 46:35Jason Bateman?

  SkinnyPop: popular for a reason.

• 46:40Sean Hayes?

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• 47:25Sean Hayes?

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• 47:42Will Arnett?

  And now, back to the show.

• 47:46Sean Hayes?

  Now, what about Junket? Now, you, like, the older you get, for my sister Tracy, who doesn't, Junket is a press tour for any project you're working on.

• 47:54Jason Bateman?

  I bet you that's what Hugh's in town for. Hugh's in town to answer a bunch of questions about this new movie coming out. And it's part of, sort of, yeah, you gotta bang the drum, light your hair on fire.

• 48:03Will Arnett?

  Not only that, let's discuss the worst part, which is the, the, the back-to-back Junket days, when you sit in a room, and then they trot the journalists in.

• 48:11Jason Bateman?

  About to go downstairs and start that.

• 48:12Will Arnett?

  And you do, and they say, okay, so today it's 35, and tomorrow it's 41 in a row. And I know you're listening at home, and you're saying, hey, fuck you, I stare at a wall all day, and then I drive home. But this is, equally is mind-numbing, I assure you.

• 48:27Sean Hayes?

  Yeah. My, my, yeah, to that point, my question is just like the, what we were talking about before, the older you get, you kind of have, don't you have the power to say, guys, I'm gonna do, like, three today, and that's it? Or, I don't know?

• 48:41Speaker 03

  Yes, you do, I suppose. But you feel a bit of an asshole if you do that.

• 48:46Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 48:46Speaker 03

  Because you've come to love the filmmakers, don't you? You love your, you know, everyone's put themselves out there, and it's a terrifying moment when you're about to present something to the public. And to just walk away and say, I'm too grand to talk to the media, is a bit wanky.

• 49:00Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, yeah, for sure.

• 49:01Jason Bateman?

  But what, what happens in the scenario where you, you've seen the film, and you're like, oh, boy. Oh, this did not come together. This did not work, yet you still have to go out and, and champion it. Is that, is that difficult?

• 49:14Speaker 03

  Well, traditionally, at that point, I like to get arrested. And then, uh...

• 49:20Jason Bateman?

  Brilliant.

• 49:21Speaker 03

  Then you're kind of out of the loop.

• 49:23Jason Bateman?

  Very smart plan.

• 49:24Sean Hayes?

  You're N A.

• 49:28Will Arnett?

  Tech not avail, LA.

• 49:31Jason Bateman?

  But this one, I imagine this one you're excited to talk about. You're in one of those really cool, new, I'd love this new, I guess it's not a new genre, but it's a tilt on the genre of horror films where they've really, over the last, what, five or 10 years, become much more cinematic. Like, these are really, really well-made films, they're beautiful, and they're challenging. And I would imagine this is one of those. Did you have a great time doing it? Are you happy with the end product?

• 50:02Speaker 03

  I am very happy with the end product, and you're right. Well, part of the reason I did it was because it was A24, and it's not often in life that you get something as surprising and uplifting as what they've done for cinema with just sheer balls and courage and good taste, creating film after film that's fresh and new and often utterly fucking terrifying. I'm still getting over Midsommar. You ever seen that film?

• 50:34Sean Hayes?

  No, I want to see that. I haven't seen it yet.

• 50:37Speaker 03

  Oh, my god.

• 50:38Jason Bateman?

  Well, it's kind of like what you said, what Rob Reiner said, you know, like, why can't you have something that is artistically sound but also so enjoyable and so satisfying and delivers so thoroughly that it makes a whole lot of money, sells a bunch of popcorn at the same time?

• 50:51Speaker 03

  And that's the dream scenario, exactly. That's the bullseye.

• 50:54Jason Bateman?

  Heretic has got that?

• 50:56Speaker 03

  Well, it's definitely very smart. I mean, it's fascinating. There's, I'm a character who makes a lot of quite long speeches in it about religion, and they were genuinely fascinating to me. These two weirdos who wrote and directed it, Scott and Brian. Who also wrote, for instance, A Quiet Place. They're interesting guys. They, they did years of research to come up with the arguments I make in this film. And I think they are really quite startling and fascinating. And so, yeah, I enjoyed all that part of it. And it's filmy. I am obsessed with films being filmy and not just like a big format TV.

• 51:41Speaker 03

  So it's got incredible production design, incredible photography. And it's daring because traditionally, as you know, films tend to try and keep their dialogue quite pithy and short. This is very dialogue heavy and.

• 51:57Jason Bateman?

  How are you at learning your lines?

• 51:59Speaker 03

  Well, worse and worse. You know, the older I get, the more I drink. But I now start weeks and weeks early and I go for walks every day, going through every single line over and over again because I think they, I have a theory that they're like dance steps and that the more you repeat your dance steps, the more you can't forget them on the day. And then, then on the day you can have other thoughts and other feelings and do what actors are supposed to do.

• 52:25Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, because it's in your skin, yeah.

• 52:27Speaker 03

  It's in your skin and I hate seeing, in my eyes or any other actor's eyes, I think he's just looking for his next line there.

• 52:33Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 52:34Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 52:34Will Arnett?

  Do you, do you record, sorry, go ahead, Sean.

• 52:36Sean Hayes?

  As I said, Jason has the opposite. He, he can look at something and memorize it in five seconds.

• 52:41Will Arnett?

  He's very good at memorizing.

• 52:42Sean Hayes?

  I don't understand it. I don't understand it.

• 52:43Jason Bateman?

  It is not that great, but it's, I do, it's sort of a self-preservation thing. I find, I find if I, if I, I wish I could do what you do, Hugh. But I find if the more I do that, the more I sort of nail in a way I'm gonna do that line, the more and more I talk about it and rehearse it, then I'm less flexible on the day when I see what the other actor is doing and I actually have to change a little bit.

• 53:06Speaker 03

  Yes, yes.

• 53:07Jason Bateman?

  It's harder for me if I'm really nailed down with the lines.

• 53:10Speaker 03

  You're right. So I, I worked in the theater once with a very good director who used to say, don't nest, you're nesting your lanes in rehearsal, you know? And that was brilliant. You, you don't wanna nest, but at the same time. I've worked with actors, as I say, where they're just struggling for their lines the whole time. That's all that's going on in their eyes.

• 53:30Will Arnett?

  We used to, sort of, 20 years ago, when Jason and I were doing a television show called Arrested Development, and we used to constantly be getting rewrites at the last second, and so we'd have our sides with us on set. We'd be looking at them, and we'd blah, blah, blah, and just trying to jam it in, jam it in. They'd be like, rolling, okay, rolling, here we go, guys. Everybody's up in front of them, just looking, looking, looking. And one of the sets was this living room of this house, and we'd jam our sides between the cushions. So, years later, do you remember this, Jay? Years later, we went and we did a few more seasons of the show for Netflix, like, whatever it was, eight, 10 years later. And they had all the old sets. They preserved them somewhere out in, I don't know, in the desert where they keep

• 54:11Will Arnett?

  sets of old television shows. And they brought the original stuff. And we sit, we go to rehearse the first day, we're sitting on the couch, and I reach, and I think, there's no chance. I reach between the cushions, and there are all these sides that had been jammed in there years earlier, from the last second jamming them in. Isn't that funny?

• 54:31Jason Bateman?

  Hey, well, Hugh, you know, you sound like you are, you really, you're a big film fan as far as the way things are shot and designed and whatnot. Have you, with all your set experience, have you ever flirted with directing? Is that an interest to you?

• 54:45Speaker 03

  It is of interest. There's lots of it which is of interest. The bit that would get me down is...

• 54:51Jason Bateman?

  Is the work.

• 54:55Speaker 03

  A year or two years on the same story. I've produced films in the past, and, you know, by the end of a year and a half, you just think, I don't care anymore. Just get it out. You know, when you're in a foley session about which footsteps for the postman coming up the stairs.

• 55:11Jason Bateman?

  But Jason, you love that kind of intricacy stuff.

• 55:15Will Arnett?

  Well, he loves a postman approaching.

• 55:19Jason Bateman?

  I do. Actually, yeah, we're coming up with the sound of, what is it sound? What is the sound of a body hitting the ground? I did that on Ozark once, it was from Forty Stories. And now we've got this other one and this new one where it's just three stories. And it's gonna be a different sound.

• 55:33Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, it's a lot softer.

• 55:35Jason Bateman?

  And I'm gonna try to find that. Yeah, exactly.

• 55:37Speaker 03

  How did you get the Forty Story one?

• 55:38Jason Bateman?

  Uh, it's just a little-

• 55:39Speaker 03

  Did you actually throw someone out?

• 55:41Jason Bateman?

  Well, no, that was, that was something that we thought about doing, actually. Like throwing a big bag of something out. Um, but, uh, yeah, anyway, it was just louder than the Three Story one. Um, but I, I do, I do anticipate that process being, uh, becoming a bit tiresome. At some point, I'm gonna gas and I'm gonna be like, yeah, you know what? It's just, just the acting part from, for a while now.

• 56:03Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:04Will Arnett?

  You think so?

• 56:05Jason Bateman?

  Uh, perhaps.

• 56:07Speaker 03

  It's also very, very hard to see the story, I find, after a year or a year and a half.

• 56:11Jason Bateman?

  To lose your objectivity.

• 56:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, to produce one of those films, we used to call, you know, the cleaning lady in, in the editing room and just say, come and watch this film. And then suddenly you could see it. You see it through someone else's eyes, but-

• 56:23Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 56:23Speaker 03

  I couldn't. I couldn't see what other people-

• 56:25Will Arnett?

  Well, what about, what about writing, Hugh? Have you, have you done any writing or any film writing, any other kind of writing?

• 56:30Speaker 03

  Uh, well, increasingly, I ginger up my dialogue. Uh, not on every film, but, um, on some of them, a lot, a lot. It may be up to 80% is, is scribbled by me.

• 56:44Sean Hayes?

  Oh, really? Yeah, that's, that's, there's nothing wrong with that.

• 56:46Jason Bateman?

  And then how do you navigate that tricky process of, of-

• 56:50Speaker 03

  Not offending anyone.

• 56:51Jason Bateman?

  Sort of ask? Well, yeah, and like, uh, you gotta kind of pitch that to the director and/or the writer or the other actors. And then what if they say, yeah, no, I like it the other way? And then you're like, yeah, but I'm the one talking and I don't wanna sound like an idiot. So here's the better dialogue.

• 57:06Speaker 03

  A little, I agree.

• 57:07Sean Hayes?

  A little window.

• 57:08Speaker 03

  It's very, I'm a master of that particular labyrinth, though. And I also am fully aware that nine times out of 10, when an actor says, I got some ideas, it's gonna be shit.

• 57:19Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 57:20Speaker 03

  And you don't wanna hear it. And you dread it. And then, you know, sometimes the director will have to say, now let's do one of yours. Uh, just, which you know is gonna end up on the cutting room floor, just to keep him happy.

• 57:30Will Arnett?

  I'm, I imagine, I don't know you, but I imagine that diplomacy is, is one of your strong suits. I, I-

• 57:36Speaker 03

  You're a flat-out genius at that.

• 57:38Will Arnett?

  Yeah, yeah. That, that comes across rather well.

• 57:41Jason Bateman?

  It would help you with directing.

• 57:42Will Arnett?

  It would actually help you with directing because that's all it is, isn't it? I mean, it's a lot of it.

• 57:47Sean Hayes?

  Hugh, when you come to, when you come to LA, what are the things you look forward to doing? Or as you say, when you just quote, get out of the house? What are the things you look forward to?

• 57:56Speaker 03

  Well, I was a golf addict for 12 years. So I used to get the guys together and go and golf. In the very old days, in the Judith Krantz till we meet again days, I used to go to Rancho Park. I bet you've never played there.

• 58:11Will Arnett?

  Of course we have.

• 58:12Sean Hayes?

  Oh, yeah.

• 58:13Will Arnett?

  Oh, yeah.

• 58:13Speaker 03

  They used to announce your name through a loudspeaker.

• 58:15Will Arnett?

  They still do.

• 58:16Speaker 03

  They still do, and you team up with three guys you never met.

• 58:19Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 58:20Sean Hayes?

  More rounds played on that golf course than anywhere in the country.

• 58:22Will Arnett?

  And I'll tell you what, if you like a seven hour round, Rancho is your place.

• 58:27Sean Hayes?

  So you've kicked, have you kicked the habit? Having, having kids runs counter to it.

• 58:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, that killed everything. And also, I got the, I got the shanks.

• 58:36Will Arnett?

  Did you?

• 58:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, I got the shanks, or the Tom Hanks, as we call them in rhyming slang, worse than anybody's ever had them.

• 58:44Sean Hayes?

  What's shank, what are the shanks?

• 58:46Jason Bateman?

  That's when the ball goes far right instead of straight or far left.

• 58:49Speaker 03

  It's almost impossible to achieve if you try to do it, but it's where the, the head of the club meets the shaft of the club.

• 58:54Sean Hayes?

  Oh, yeah.

• 58:55Speaker 03

  And so the ball goes humiliatingly.

• 58:57Will Arnett?

  The hozel. You know, there's a very, quite famously Ian Baker Finch, who, who won the open and is now a broadcaster here in America, a golf broadcaster, and, and he's, by the way, a very good golf broadcaster, and he still plays, we actually saw him last year playing. I mean, not professionally, he does play professionally because he won the open, he was sort of at the top of the game, and he got the shanks.

• 59:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:18Will Arnett?

  And he, and he couldn't hit a fairway, and he couldn't, and it's so.

• 59:22Sean Hayes?

  Shanks for nothing.

• 59:23Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 59:24Jason Bateman?

  Well done.

• 59:25Speaker 03

  I once lost, I lost a ball chipping from off the green on live television. I was in a big pro-am in Scotland, and all I had was the tiniest chip up onto this green, one of those courses in Scotland, shanked it, went into one of those little streams, and was taken out to sea lost.

• 59:48Speaker 03

  That's probably when I gave up golf.

• 59:49Will Arnett?

  Jason, Jason one time at a pro-am at Pebble Beach, two, two, three years ago, playing a couple of groups ahead of me, was in a bunker on the third hole and, and he thinned one, he hit it thin out of the bunker and it went straight into the windshield of a car.

• 1:00:09Speaker 03

  Oh, that's magnificent.

• 1:00:11Jason Bateman?

  And I just, I just dove in the bunker and just got out of sight.

• 1:00:16Will Arnett?

  He ducked, walked away and went to the next hole.

• 1:00:19Speaker 03

  That's shameful.

• 1:00:20Will Arnett?

  I know.

• 1:00:22Speaker 03

  Would you like to know my, my, my most shameful moment like that?

• 1:00:24Jason Bateman?

  Please.

• 1:00:25Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:26Speaker 03

  Took my dad and my brother to play golf in northern France. And there was one course we wanted to play on. It wasn't open, but they said, we, because we got our big tournament today. But we will open it specially for you, Mr. Grant, Monsieur Grant. In fact, come early, we'll, we'll cook you a special breakfast and we'll take you to the first tee. So long as you get off before the tournament, everything's fine. So we turn up, they cook us a lovely breakfast, they drive us to the first tee. Round about the third hole, I'm already in a rage. I had terrible golf rage. I've had, I got the shanks with some chip. And through my wedge, as far as I could, over a kind of hill by the side of the third green, into the bushes, thought, right, I never want to see that funky thing again.

• 1:01:10Speaker 03

  Then realized over that hill was not the bushes, but was in fact the first green. And I go over the top of the hill and there is my wedge embedded like a tomahawk in the middle of the green, right next to the hole. And the competition has now started with their best players coming up the green. And the guy who'd cooked us breakfast sitting in a buggy right by the green.

• 1:01:32Will Arnett?

  No, no.

• 1:01:35Jason Bateman?

  Hello there.

• 1:01:37Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 1:01:38Jason Bateman?

  Bonjour. Bonjour. Some crazy man stole my wedge and threw it over this hill. I'm so glad I found it.

• 1:01:44Sean Hayes?

  That's funny.

• 1:01:45Jason Bateman?

  Did you ever get to, did you ever get to be a single digit?

• 1:01:49Speaker 03

  I did. I got to 6.7 at my zenith. Yeah, but you're lower than that. I can tell from your face.

• 1:01:54Jason Bateman?

  No, no, no, no, no. Not at all. I can't play to that at all.

• 1:01:59Sean Hayes?

  Hugh, are you with your, any of your family, your kids, your wife? Did they travel with you or are you solo?

• 1:02:04Speaker 03

  No, thank God.

• 1:02:07Speaker 03

  Actually, my wife, my wife is coming out tomorrow.

• 1:02:09Sean Hayes?

  Oh, that's fun. Will you, will you guys go out to eat? Will you guys go out to like?

• 1:02:14Speaker 03

  Yes, yes, we miss.

• 1:02:15Sean Hayes?

  Concerts?

• 1:02:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, not concerts. No, we'll go, we'll go out for

• 1:02:22Speaker 03

  Scandi drinking dinners.

• 1:02:23Sean Hayes?

  Okay, good.

• 1:02:24Speaker 03

  And I still have friends here remarkably, especially my old Castle Rock friends.

• 1:02:29Jason Bateman?

  I'll bet.

• 1:02:31Speaker 03

  Doing golf with them, doing.

• 1:02:33Sean Hayes?

  Oh, yeah? Oh, good.

• 1:02:34Will Arnett?

  Last thing I want to ask you, Hugh, and then we're going to let you go. And I know you're busy and you're exhausted and this is a drag, but where do you see the next five? Because you're making all these changes and doing all these, if you had it your way, what are, what are the next five years for?

• 1:02:50Sean Hayes?

  What do they look like? Yeah.

• 1:02:51Speaker 03

  Well, in the fantasy, which is the same fantasy I've had for 40 years, is that I finally knock it on the head and write my novel or possibly a wonderful script. But I can't seem to get over that hurdle. I sit down and I, terrified of failure, but I have pages and pages and pages of ideas and notes. And that would be really nice because also I think, right, in the last few years, it's become less enjoyable to be recognizable in the street than, well, it's just harder now. I find it harder.

• 1:03:27Will Arnett?

  The camera, because everybody's got a camera.

• 1:03:28Speaker 03

  The camera thing is tough, particularly with children and.

• 1:03:32Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:32Speaker 03

  So it would be nice to gently disappear.

• 1:03:34Will Arnett?

  I, I would be, I would be first in line to read your book and I think it would, I imagine it'd be quite good, so.

• 1:03:40Sean Hayes?

  And I would be second in line to listen to it.

• 1:03:42Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:44Speaker 03

  Well, you, you can do the audio book. It'd be very.

• 1:03:46Will Arnett?

  Sean and Jason will listen to it, but, but please do, please do write that book. I, I think it would, I imagine you'd have a lot to, to say, so.

• 1:03:55Speaker 03

  You've been very nice to me. Thank you.

• 1:03:57Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, I'm a huge fan.

• 1:03:59Will Arnett?

  Massive, massive fan, man. Massive fan for a long time and.

• 1:04:02Speaker 03

  Well, I, I looked at your three names and thought, I'm frightened of all three of you because they're all brilliant.

• 1:04:07Will Arnett?

  No, no, no.

• 1:04:08Sean Hayes?

  You're very sweet.

• 1:04:11Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:11Speaker 03

  And you might, and then I Googled this, this podcast. Cause I don't know much about podcasts.

• 1:04:17Will Arnett?

  Sure.

• 1:04:17Speaker 03

  It's gigantic. You're the richest people I've ever met. I mean.

• 1:04:21Jason Bateman?

  No, there's plenty more.

• 1:04:22Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, there's plenty more, yeah.

• 1:04:24Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:25Speaker 03

  Do you do, do you do concerts, you know, and you sort of?

• 1:04:28Will Arnett?

  We did a tour.

• 1:04:29Sean Hayes?

  We do live shows.

• 1:04:29Will Arnett?

  We, we did a tour.

• 1:04:30Speaker 03

  Really?

• 1:04:30Will Arnett?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we went to, um, we went everywhere. Actually, we were gonna come to London last, this time last year, but we.

• 1:04:37Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, we may end up doing a European version of it one of these days, but, um, yeah, we love going out there on the road.

• 1:04:42Will Arnett?

  If we come to London and we, even if we, would you, uh, would you agree now and, and we won't hold you to it, to jump on stage and say hello if we do a, a show in London?

• 1:04:51Speaker 03

  Yes, I'd do that, yes. And we play, we'll play golf at Sunningdale.

• 1:04:54Will Arnett?

  Oh, that'd be great.

• 1:04:55Sean Hayes?

  Oh, Sunningdale, yes.

• 1:04:57Will Arnett?

  That would be great. We, we, Jason and I had said, we had talked about the London trip and, uh, the tour and we said, well, we're gonna have two dates in London and then we'll bring our clubs and then we'll, we'll also do a date in Dublin, so we'll play in Ireland as well.

• 1:05:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:10Will Arnett?

  We had planned it all.

• 1:05:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:12Sean Hayes?

  I played in, my, my golf story, which I've told a long, long time ago here, really, really fast. I played in Dublin with my brother Kevin and I, this is a true, true story. I hit it, I don't know, what's shank or what's shanked again? When you hit it in the brush kinda?

• 1:05:25Jason Bateman?

  It just goes, goes bad.

• 1:05:26Sean Hayes?

  Yeah. So I hit it, I shanked and, uh, it hit a, and I hit it really hard. It hit a tree, bounced off and smack, hit me in the neck, my own ball.

• 1:05:36Jason Bateman?

  No.

• 1:05:36Sean Hayes?

  Hit me in my own neck. I swear to God.

• 1:05:38Will Arnett?

  Jesus Christ.

• 1:05:39Sean Hayes?

  It was horrible.

• 1:05:40Will Arnett?

  It was the universe saying, get the fuck out of here.

• 1:05:42Sean Hayes?

  Yeah. And we didn't have, yeah, exactly. And I did. We didn't have a, a little, uh, what is it called? Cart. We just had to walk everywhere. I was like, God, why is this enjoyable?

• 1:05:51Will Arnett?

  We never, we never play with a cart. We never, we always walk.

• 1:05:53Sean Hayes?

  75 mile walk. I don't know.

• 1:05:54Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:55Jason Bateman?

  It's a nice walk. Why, it's a walk in a garden and you get to play a game at the same time.

• 1:05:59Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, for sure. Uh, Hugh, thank you so much.

• 1:06:02Will Arnett?

  Hugh Grant, continued success, man. I hope you get to do exactly what you wanna do. You deserve it. And, uh, we deserve to hear about it and, and, uh, thank you for your time and get some rest.

• 1:06:11Sean Hayes?

  Thank you, sir.

• 1:06:12Speaker 03

  It was nice to meet you all. Thank you.

• 1:06:13Will Arnett?

  It was a pleasure to meet you.

• 1:06:14Sean Hayes?

  And I can't wait for Heretic.

• 1:06:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, thanks. Thanks so much.

• 1:06:17Jason Bateman?

  Nice to meet you. All right. Good luck with the film. Thanks, Hugh.

• 1:06:20Sean Hayes?

  See you, bud.

• 1:06:20Speaker 03

  All right.

• 1:06:20Jason Bateman?

  Bye, pal.

• 1:06:21Speaker 03

  See you, guys.

• 1:06:21Will Arnett?

  Bye.

• 1:06:23Sean Hayes?

  Wow, is he funny?

• 1:06:25Jason Bateman?

  I love how dry and candid and, uh...

• 1:06:28Will Arnett?

  Me too.

• 1:06:29Sean Hayes?

  Honest.

• 1:06:29Jason Bateman?

  Refreshing. Reminds me, what's that Brian Cox quote? "I'm too old, too rich, and too famous to give a fuck." Isn't that what he said?

• 1:06:37Will Arnett?

  Something like that.

• 1:06:39Jason Bateman?

  It was very, very refreshing. I've always been a fan of his, never met him. Never really heard or seen an extended interview with him, so that was really nice.

• 1:06:48Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:48Will Arnett?

  Yeah, me neither. Yeah, it's one of those, I don't feel like I know a lot about him.

• 1:06:54Sean Hayes?

  But I love his career trajectory too, like, um...

• 1:06:57Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, and he's probably made, he's made like a hundred movies too.

• 1:07:00Will Arnett?

  Yeah. He's made so many movies, and he's made, and he's made kids movies. Didn't he make, I'm gonna, god, I should have looked this up, I mean, terrible. He made that, um, the film, uh, what, that was Paddington, right?

• 1:07:15Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, Paddington was a great movie.

• 1:07:17Will Arnett?

  Great, great fucking movie.

• 1:07:20Sean Hayes?

  Remember that? That was a long time ago. Gosh, I wonder like, um, you know, back...

• 1:07:25Will Arnett?

  Bridget Jones, by the way, Bridget Jones. All the Bridget Jones films. Fucking Notting Hill, he made all those, all those movies with Richard Curtis that Richard Curtis wrote, talking about the fact that Richard Curtis did not want him for Four Weddings, who had written it, and then they went on to work together and have like a wonderful working relationship.

• 1:07:42Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:43Will Arnett?

  And I wanted to get into that, but he was being too self-deprecating and funny about his life to interrupt me.

• 1:07:48Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, but I've always been a fan of thrillers and stuff like that, and, um, he's got, he's got, what's it called? Heretic? Heretic? Yeah, I can't wait to get a ticket for that, or, not get a ticket, but buy a ticket!

• 1:08:03Will Arnett?

  It's so, honestly, Sean, here's the thing, here's the thing, Sean, no, it's too lazy.

• 1:08:10Jason Bateman?

  Just hang up on him, Sean.

• 1:08:11Will Arnett?

  It's not clever, it's not clever, it's just lazy. Fucking buy!

• 1:08:23Speaker 04

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• 1:08:28Will Arnett?

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• 1:09:16Speaker 05

  This podcast is supported by Nurtac ODT, remagu pant. We know you didn't ask for an interruption, but migraine doesn't wait for the right moment to interrupt either. It just barges in, takes your time, and throws everything off. So when migraine takes your time, take Nurtac. It's for the acute treatment of migraine with or without aura in adults. Nurtac can provide pain relief in two hours, which can last up to two days. Ask your healthcare provider if Nurtac is right for you, because your time is for you, not migraine. Don't take if allergic to Nurtac ODT. Allergic reactions can occur even days after use. Get help right away for trouble breathing, rash, swelling of face, mouth, tongue, or throat. High blood pressure and Raynaud's syndrome can occur. Get help for high blood pressure, numbness, coolness, pain,

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