"Jeff Goldblum"

Unhinge your jaw, it’s Jeff Goldblum. Jazz, urgency, true happiness, and ducks going to Moscow. Leave your kids with their helper, they’re good people. It’s a podcast; it’s called SmartLess.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Sean Hayes?

  This episode of Smartless is sponsored by Google Book. You know, I'm lucky to have a lot of friends and having them over is great, but with hosting comes all the tedious stuff. The planning, keeping track of who's coming, managing schedules, making sure everything actually comes together. That's where Google Book comes in. It's a whole new kind of laptop. It comes with Google AI Pro, so you can create custom tasks with Gemini. For example, you can tell it to track RSVPs and manage your calendar, and it does that for you, even when the laptop's closed. So there's more time to focus on the fun parts of hosting. Basically, Google Book works hard, so you don't have to. Visit googlebook.com. Available in the Gemini app to Google AI Pro users

• 0:44Sean Hayes?

  in select regions for 18-plus users. Check responses for accuracy. Supervise closely; interrupt when needed.

• 0:54Jason Bateman?

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• 1:34Sean Hayes?

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• 2:10Sean Hayes?

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• 3:03Sean Hayes?

  Hi guys, we're about to do the show. How do you feel today? Oh, right now today, I feel pretty good. Great, you sound like it. Oh, welcome to Smartless.

• 3:14Will Arnett?

  Give us a chance to catch our breath.

• 3:33Sean Hayes?

  Oh, Willie's like really sensitive and kind of like, he's like delicate today. He's like very delicate.

• 3:38Will Arnett?

  I am, you're picking up on a vibe, man.

• 3:40Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, you're super delicate. We know who you are. Backward tat kind of vibe, like it's great.

• 3:44Will Arnett?

  Yeah, just.

• 3:45Sean Hayes?

  Took it off, hair getting a little long. He's an artist. Little. He's an artisan. He didn't get much sleep last night. It's like crystal gale over there.

• 3:53Will Arnett?

  Dude.

• 3:53Sean Hayes?

  Right?

• 3:53Will Arnett?

  Bennett, I don't know what you're doing, but you are dialed. You are dialed, dude.

• 3:59Sean Hayes?

  Here comes Jay, Jay's back.

• 4:01Will Arnett?

  You're picking up on a vibe.

• 4:03Sean Hayes?

  Oh, there you are. There he is. Bellissima, okay. Will is sensitive today and tired today. He's a sensitive, tired little boy.

• 4:12Jason Bateman?

  Uh, well, it's Sunday morn- well, no, it's Sunday afternoon. It's lunchtime where you are, Willie.

• 4:18Will Arnett?

  Yeah. Great, great week, long, late nights. Sean, he was there.

• 4:22Jason Bateman?

  Do some nights?

• 4:23Will Arnett?

  Yeah, Sean, he was there. Few nights in a row.

• 4:26Jason Bateman?

  Oh, yeah? Sean, you did a little work this week too with Will?

• 4:28Sean Hayes?

  That was fun, though. It was really fun. Some really good laughs.

• 4:31Will Arnett?

  Fun, wasn't it?

• 4:32Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 4:32Will Arnett?

  Oh, my God.

• 4:32Jason Bateman?

  Oh, did you guys really work the scenes? Huh?

• 4:36Will Arnett?

  No, we did.

• 4:36Jason Bateman?

  Was it magic?

• 4:37Will Arnett?

  I mean, yes. Yes, first of all, yes.

• 4:39Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, it was good.

• 4:40Will Arnett?

  Yeah, it was it.

• 4:42Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 4:43Will Arnett?

  And then, then we had a couple moments. We had, we're sitting around this table that's all done up, you know, the props that put the food out and stuff, and Sean picks up these noodles and goes, somebody says something, goes, "That's really low, man."

• 4:58Jason Bateman?

  Come on.

• 4:59Will Arnett?

  So dumb.

• 5:00Sean Hayes?

  We were all trying to think of like Chinese food puns.

• 5:03Will Arnett?

  And he was so dumb.

• 5:04Jason Bateman?

  Was it on camera or was it just in between setups?

• 5:06Will Arnett?

  It's just in between setups. And we were just laughing because it's so dumb. Everyone's giddy because it's, you know, one in the morning or whatever.

• 5:12Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 5:13Will Arnett?

  And then.

• 5:13Sean Hayes?

  And then, and then Pete was.

• 5:14Will Arnett?

  Sean said, Sean said, "Oh, we got dinner." He goes, "I got a meal with somebody this week tomorrow." And I go, "Oh, dinner?" He goes, "No, lunch. I try to keep my dinners free." And I said, "Free of what? Vegetables?"

• 5:27Jason Bateman?

  Did you get any of this on camera or was it just for your own?

• 5:30Sean Hayes?

  But that was pretty funny. Um, that was funny.

• 5:35Jason Bateman?

  Were you about to say something about Pete, the great Pete Thorell?

• 5:38Sean Hayes?

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:38Will Arnett?

  Pete Thorell's an absolute all-star.

• 5:40Sean Hayes?

  He's the best. I love that guy. Yeah, he's incredible.

• 5:43Jason Bateman?

  A total star.

• 5:44Sean Hayes?

  So fast. He's the first idea. He's the, for Tracy, that's the guy who basically just keeps everything on track and running and for everybody in this.

• 5:50Jason Bateman?

  This guy runs the show.

• 5:51Sean Hayes?

  Yeah. And so it was like one in the morning and everybody's so tired and not in the mood for any jokes. And I, and Pete was just talking about how the scenes goes. And I said, "Hey, Pete?" He goes, "Yeah." I go, "Can you keep your process inside because we can all hear it?"

• 6:10Sean Hayes?

  And we have enough to think about.

• 6:12Will Arnett?

  Did he laugh? For a second, yeah, he laughed, but for a second on his face, he was like, he thought he was serious. And I could see that Pete's like, is this guy really saying this to me? It's so complicated when he was running. And Sean just did it in front of everybody. Hey Pete, like a cross, the set.

• 6:29Sean Hayes?

  Can you just keep, you're vocalizing outside your process?

• 6:32Will Arnett?

  Pete Thorell, one of the all time greats. Jay, Jay, Jay, that, he came from you, he was a recommend from you. Yeah.

• 6:38Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, that's, that's.

• 6:39Will Arnett?

  You've worked with him and he's just the greatest.

• 6:41Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, Pete and I have done a ton of stuff together. It's my first AD and things that I've directed, he's just like.

• 6:46Sean Hayes?

  He's so great.

• 6:47Will Arnett?

  He's so great. So you guys have worked together a lot?

• 6:51Jason Bateman?

  We've done, we did Family Fang together, we did three or four seasons of Ozark together, we did the outsider together.

• 6:59Sean Hayes?

  He was the first AD of every episode of Ozark, those first three, four?

• 7:02Jason Bateman?

  No, no, no, he alternated with, you rotate, there's two of them.

• 7:07Sean Hayes?

  Oh, right.

• 7:07Jason Bateman?

  But I, I get Pete on everything I direct, if he's available, but he's very fancy now. He's working with a bunch of, you know, directors that, you know, make me look like a little punk.

• 7:17Sean Hayes?

  No.

• 7:18Jason Bateman?

  Which I am.

• 7:18Will Arnett?

  Which is weird, he worked together a lot because he said I'm his favorite he's ever, anyway, it doesn't matter.

• 7:22Jason Bateman?

  I literally, I literally take work just so I could work with Pete. Like, I really don't care what the script is.

• 7:28Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, he, he's.

• 7:29Will Arnett?

  I now get it. He's, he's incredible. He's an incredible dude. Anyway, the great Pete Thorell.

• 7:34Sean Hayes?

  So wait, so Willie, I wanted to wait to share this with you today because I already told Jason last Sunday that this is one of the craziest things that happened to me. So Scotty and I, we're looking at real estate in Brooklyn and we go see this new townhouse. Not that we can afford it, we just were like, let's see what's around. And my broker's like, you should see what's in. Anyway, it's this beautiful townhouse, it was crazy, it was like five floors. And so we're walking, we're walking upstairs, walking all the way upstairs, we get to the top of the stairs, totally out of breath. And I'm like, okay, great, let's just move on to things that are real. And, and.

• 8:04Jason Bateman?

  Because riding five, walking up five flights of stairs is just, it's not gonna happen in the real world.

• 8:10Sean Hayes?

  No, no, not five flights of stairs, no. So Scotty goes, let's ride the elevator down. I'm like, okay. So we got on, me and Scotty get on the elevator with one of our realtors and Linda is her name, she's great. And so it's like shoulder to shoulder, this like postage stamp size.

• 8:24Will Arnett?

  Hey Linda, if you're out there, apparently you're great.

• 8:27Jason Bateman?

  Good for you, Linda. You're part of the team. One of our realtors. Go ahead. So you're in the fucking elevator in a townhouse. This is a hashtag relatable, keep going.

• 8:39Sean Hayes?

  But wait, so Willie, the doors closed, the gates closed. I pressed the button and it doesn't move. Open the door, won't open. Press the button again, we're shoulder to shoulder. And now, even in 10 seconds in, I'm like, this isn't. I was freaking out. And 30 seconds, one minute, five minutes, she's calling the realtor. Scotty's blood sugar is dropping like crazy. That diet, because there are double arrows. I was like, okay, so he's gonna die in here, I'm gonna... Like, it was crazy. And so I yelled through the door, I'm like, "Call 911." So they call 911. They call 911.

• 9:17Will Arnett?

  Bring me a box of Reese's.

• 9:20Sean Hayes?

  So the firefighters come, and just... Now, 30 seconds is a long time to be stuck in something that's...

• 9:26Will Arnett?

  So now you got a boner.

• 9:30Will Arnett?

  Makes it even worse.

• 9:32Sean Hayes?

  That would have fixed it.

• 9:44Sean Hayes?

  So you think 30 seconds is long, or a minute? We were in there for like 10, 15 minutes. It was crazy. I had to squat down and like breathe. I was going crazy. So of course...

• 9:55Jason Bateman?

  Hey Will, is the gum good? Does it taste good? Because it sounds awesome. Fuck me. It's just a podcast, you know? Unreal. Sorry, keep going, Sean.

• 10:07Sean Hayes?

  I'm at the end of the story. So as the firefighters pull up, there is a latch in the door. I pushed it, the door opened. I got out. That's it.

• 10:15Jason Bateman?

  And you're out? And Scotty made it okay?

• 10:23Will Arnett?

  We're not too sure.

• 10:25Jason Bateman?

  He's still in the box.

• 10:26Will Arnett?

  Sean never looked back.

• 10:29Sean Hayes?

  Jason feigned interest. Is Scotty okay?

• 10:32Jason Bateman?

  Is Scotty good?

• 10:35Sean Hayes?

  Okay, let's get to the...

• 10:36Jason Bateman?

  How's Linda's data plan?

• 10:43Jason Bateman?

  And so you passed on this one.

• 10:47Sean Hayes?

  I'm not.

• 10:48Jason Bateman?

  Back in the SUV.

• 10:49Will Arnett?

  Did you ask if you could put it in an escalator?

• 10:56Sean Hayes?

  Oh, God, is that funny? All right, let's get to our guest.

• 11:01Will Arnett?

  Jesus Christ.

• 11:02Sean Hayes?

  You guys, we're all big, big fans of this guy. He's amazing.

• 11:06Jason Bateman?

  I'm not committing to that yet.

• 11:08Sean Hayes?

  I promise you are.

• 11:09Jason Bateman?

  I don't know who it is.

• 11:10Sean Hayes?

  It was such an honor when he was a guest of ours on Will and Grace. Before becoming the beloved Hollywood treasure that we know today, he used to write affirmations in the shower asking God to let him be an actor. Spoiler alert, God delivered. But before that, he was peddling office supplies to correction facilities in between auditions. Today, when he's not recording amazing jazz albums, you can see him being wizardly in one of the hottest blockbusters this year. It's the incredibly talented and utterly delightful Jeff Goldblum.

• 11:38Speaker 03

  Oh, yes, I am a fan of Jeff Goldblum.

• 11:40Will Arnett?

  Yes, I am a fan as well. Yes.

• 11:43Sean Hayes?

  Bravo.

• 11:45Jason Bateman?

  The best, the best.

• 11:47Sean Hayes?

  Hi, Jeff, I'm so sorry, I'm literally crying.

• 11:49Speaker 03

  Oh, shit. I'm so happy to be here, I'm so happy to be here, I love you all so.

• 11:55Sean Hayes?

  By the way, where are you?

• 11:57Speaker 03

  You know where I am, in our apartment in Florence, Illinois.

• 12:01Sean Hayes?

  Oh, wow.

• 12:02Jason Bateman?

  So, another hashtag relatable. Jeffrey's doing very well. You don't have an elevator in there, do you?

• 12:10Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 12:11Jason Bateman?

  You do?

• 12:12Speaker 03

  Yes, we do, it's a couple of floors, it's very, very nice, but.

• 12:17Sean Hayes?

  And?

• 12:18Speaker 03

  I want to be relatable. No, we've been living here for, you know, the last couple of years, a few years. Our two kids, seven and nine, two boys are going to school here. Lise Frances, my wife, is from Toronto, she speaks French to them. They speak now three languages, because they speak Italian.

• 12:34Sean Hayes?

  Will is from Toronto?

• 12:35Speaker 03

  I know he is, I have much to ask, I'm so interested in you guys, I adore you, I adore this show. And just your little tet, tet, tet, before I came on.

• 12:46Sean Hayes?

  Coffee chat?

• 12:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, your coffee chat. I love so much and I love this show, but you know what I love, it reminded me is is people making each other laugh. I if I have my druthers, I oftentimes if I really need a lift, I'll go on YouTube and see the blooper reels for, you know, I have my favorites, you know, Julie Louis-Dreyfus on on on Seinfeld. I love the way she she laughs. Larry David, I love the way he laughs. Ricky Gervais, all these people have been on your show, of course.

• 13:19Sean Hayes?

  Larry, when Larry David laughs, his jaw becomes unhinged and he's

• 13:25Sean Hayes?

  so great. I love it.

• 13:27Jason Bateman?

  It is true. The bloopers, the bloopers from things, it is really fun to watch because you know it's coming. And so you watch the people as it like it surprises them, it sneaks up on them and then they try to hold it together and then they that's full release.

• 13:40Sean Hayes?

  It's always funny.

• 13:41Jason Bateman?

  Better phrase than that.

• 13:42Speaker 03

  Yeah. Hey, how about and then I sometimes, because my algorithm knows I like it, I guess I see bloopers from 1930s. And so you see, you know, Barbara Stanwyck and Humphrey Bogart, you know, forgetting Betty Davis forgetting their lines.

• 13:55Sean Hayes?

  I've seen that.

• 13:55Speaker 03

  And swearing. Isn't that interesting?

• 13:57Jason Bateman?

  Really?

• 13:58Speaker 03

  Doesn't that make them?

• 13:58Jason Bateman?

  I don't think I've ever seen anybody curse in black and white.

• 14:01Will Arnett?

  I've never seen that. No.

• 14:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's kind of interesting. I mean, I love behind the scenes of all kinds. One of my little obsessions is to go on now the device and you can see interviews with everybody about the craft and directors and actors and these podcasts. We have to talk about that if we were really at dinner and we could talk for a few hours, you know, I feel like I have so much to talk to you guys about that we need to be pithy on all these issues, but you know, I would like to talk about the the history of talk shows and the new podcast phenomenon of which you guys are now the kings of the hill and and the form which allows us to know you and to know all your guests.

• 14:42Speaker 03

  So thank you for that. And because I know there are people I like particularly on your show that I now know better than ever. I just saw a play. We just came back. Sorry if I'm too, you know, self starting and chatty, but I'm excited. You we just came back from a little weekend trip, leaving the kids here with with their helper with good people and we saw two plays and we went to a in London, a gallery and saw.

• 15:11Jason Bateman?

  With their helper, a couple of good people.

• 15:13Speaker 03

  Helpers, yeah, I know.

• 15:16Speaker 03

  No, they're good. They did a very good job. And, um, but my point is that Cate Blanchett, we saw in The Seagull.

• 15:25Sean Hayes?

  Oh, how is that? I'm doing the Barbican right after her.

• 15:29Speaker 03

  Oh, I want to hear all about that. And I want to talk about theater. I want to talk about Oscar Levant. But The Barbican, I'd never heard of. I'd never been in. It's a very beautiful theater.

• 15:38Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 15:39Speaker 03

  And it was one of the, I mean, The Seagull, I'd seen, my parents.

• 15:43Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, I want to see that.

• 15:44Speaker 03

  Well, my parents who took us to see art films in the, when I was a teenager, in the mid 60s, et cetera. I then remember, only this last weekend remembered that I saw a movie made by Sidney Le Mette of The Seagull with Vanessa Redgrave and et cetera, and, and, you know, a lot of people that I want to go and revisit. Anyway, we saw this play.

• 16:06Sean Hayes?

  Take me with you.

• 16:07Speaker 03

  Oh, my gosh. Emma Corrin was Nina in it. She was the, the mother, if you know the play. And, um, uh, at the end, we went back to see the actors, all of them. It's a lovely cast and I hugged. I'm always, it's one of my favorite things about a theater experience, going back. Uh, even though I loved this three hour show, but I went back. Everybody was lovely. I met Emma Corrin, da, da, da. And then Kate herself, uh, allowed us to come back. She couldn't have been lovelier. I've crossed paths with her. We've been in a couple of movies, never had scenes together, but I saw her in another play. Anyway, for the second time, I went back. Uh, the first time was after she did Blanchett, why in Streetcar Named Desire, which I saw it, bam.

• 16:48Speaker 03

  But I went, I went back this time and I just burst, I blubbered. I burst into, uh, the deepest tears.

• 16:56Sean Hayes?

  I do, I do that too. When I see something great, I really get moved. Yeah.

• 17:00Jason Bateman?

  Or some Lo Mein.

• 17:02Sean Hayes?

  Or some Lo Mein.

• 17:02Speaker 03

  Yes. Well, I want to talk about, about you guys, about food to you guys too. I love Lo Mein. I love all manner of food. We have to talk about that. But, and then my other, the point that I was really getting at is that we went, tuned in to your show. Cause I'm doing all my research. I, you know, heard about your show, but it's mostly since I've had this assignment in the last couple of weeks that I've, uh, been immersed in it. I've seen, I've heard many, many things. I've hours and hours and hours, including her thing. And I, so the point is, I learned more about her. And I felt like it was the best interview. And the way you guys do it, it allows us not only to know you, but your guests in a very beautiful way.

• 17:42Sean Hayes?

  We can't wait to get to know you today, Jeff Goldblum.

• 17:46Will Arnett?

  Here comes, here comes Sean's podcast character. Every time I hear like The Seagull, I'm reminded of that line from Withnail and I. And he says, "I loathe those Russian plays. They're always filled with women staring out of windows, whining about ducks going to Moscow." Anyway.

• 18:02Speaker 03

  Is that true? That's funny.

• 18:03Will Arnett?

  It's a brilliant line, isn't it?

• 18:05Speaker 03

  It's brilliant. How do you know that verbatim?

• 18:07Will Arnett?

  Bruce Robinson, I've seen that film thousands of times. Withnail and I, I think it's the most perfect film of all time.

• 18:13Speaker 03

  Do you know, for years I have heard about that film. And I, I saw, I saw the first 15 minutes. I don't, it wasn't because of the movie. I, I took an exit ramp and I haven't regone it, so I've never seen it, really. And I know people highly esteem that, like you do. I know.

• 18:32Sean Hayes?

  I went down the same ramp. I haven't been back yet. I'd like to. So, so you and I will do a double feature. We'll see the, the Lamet piece and, and Withnail and I. When are you back in the country?

• 18:42Speaker 03

  Me and you?

• 18:43Sean Hayes?

  Yo, yo, yo.

• 18:44Speaker 03

  I'd love, love to.

• 18:44Will Arnett?

  Boy, what a reaction. Me, what? Me and you?

• 18:48Speaker 03

  I thought you were talking to your confers. No, I'd love to go to the.

• 18:51Will Arnett?

  I'm looking at my schedule now and it's really tight, right through Christmas.

• 18:55Speaker 03

  Let's go to the movies. Let's do many things. You know, you're my favorite, you're my best friends now, you know.

• 19:03Sean Hayes?

  We'll be right back.

• 19:06Sean Hayes?

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• 19:36Sean Hayes?

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• 20:19Sean Hayes?

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• 21:02Sean Hayes?

  Almost every night at my house is movie night, and that's when I grab the butter SkinnyPop. It's so delicious. Deliciously popped, perfectly seasoned SkinnyPop. Popular for a reason.

• 21:16Jason Bateman?

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• 21:56Sean Hayes?

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• 22:41Sean Hayes?

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• 23:10Sean Hayes?

  And now, back to the show.

• 23:13Jason Bateman?

  Now, Jeff, I want to talk about this thing about going... I poll anyone who will answer. This thing about going backstage when you go see a play on Broadway. And apologies to the listener. This is hashtag not relatable again.

• 23:29Sean Hayes?

  Ongoing thing.

• 23:30Jason Bateman?

  So, there's this thing where...

• 23:33Will Arnett?

  Well, Sean did it the other night, Jason. By the way, Sean did it the other night at...

• 23:36Sean Hayes?

  Glengarry on Rush.

• 23:38Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, well, okay, so now, I didn't, okay? I went, I saw Glengarry last week as well. And now, I don't know those actors, except for the fact that they have been on this show.

• 23:51Will Arnett?

  No, and you know Bob. You know Bob Odenkirk a little bit.

• 23:54Jason Bateman?

  I've talked to Bob at a couple of parties, but I don't think that counts in order to what I think is disruptive and potentially annoying to an actor. It's just finished a two hour performance.

• 24:06Sean Hayes?

  I know, you can't tell, it's a fine line.

• 24:08Jason Bateman?

  Now they have to like meet and greet and like play host to a bunch of people backstage they don't know, except for the fact that they are also famous.

• 24:17Will Arnett?

  But are you planning on being a handful? Is that what it is?

• 24:20Jason Bateman?

  Well, no, but what do you got to come back? Are you gonna hear like, oh, you were so great?

• 24:23Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, you can't, you can't. Right, you can't tell if it's work for them and they want that, or they don't want that and they want to go home.

• 24:29Will Arnett?

  But Sean, as you pointed out, as you pointed out, you are made, generally, you're made aware, the stage manager will come and say, so and so and so and so and so is in the house.

• 24:38Jason Bateman?

  And it came to me, yeah.

• 24:39Will Arnett?

  So a lot of those people, they, they, they, they look, they, they are fans of yours and they respect you and what you've done for some reason. And then they say, he's out there tonight. And then they go, and then they're backstage and they're like, because it's become de rigueur to do that, if you don't do it, the, also, the opposite is true, they go, this guy, Big Shot Bateman, as he's known, he rolls in, puts his eyeballs on us, we, we pour it out for hours with our snappy dialogue, mammoth dialogue, and we're, you know, in our, in our wonderful blocking that we're doing and everything, it's like this orchestra, and this guy's, he's in an Uber, back to the Greenwich Hotel.

• 25:18Jason Bateman?

  Now, but now, really, Jeff, and Sean, and I mean...

• 25:23Sean Hayes?

  I'm with you, Jay, I'm fifty fifty, like, I, when I did Oscar, I went straight home only because I couldn't do it. It was just too much, and shaking hands, I didn't want to get sick, and you know what I mean?

• 25:34Jason Bateman?

  So you instructed the stage manager, no guests?

• 25:36Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, well, guests, like, if they were friends that I knew, they could come backstage, but I didn't want to go out to the crowd after.

• 25:42Will Arnett?

  Jeff, what do you think?

• 25:43Speaker 03

  I'm glad we're talking about this, because things always change, and it was an issue the other night. I'm fifty fifty with you, I know exactly what both of you are saying. I want to be sensitive, it's very true what you're saying, Jason, but it's also true what you're saying, Will, and I always think, oh, boy, they know I'm here, you know, I gotta, I should, I should go back, da da da da da. But oftentimes, I want to go back, but the other night, and this is a three hour version of The Seagull, and they do eight shows a week, and, you know, and yes, I can... Well, imagine they don't. And so when I, as I, I guess is the way to do it, you know, contacted the nearest person with a bag who looked like, you know, an usher or da da da,

• 26:24Speaker 03

  or the house manager comes up, I said, is it okay? How can we? Will it be okay if, uh, would it be, you know, I don't want to bother anybody, but what if we want to go back, et cetera, et cetera. At first, there seemed to be, in this case, and it was uncommon, I hadn't encountered it before, they said, um, here, here's what they did. They were like, hmm, already making hmm faces, et cetera, et cetera. So I made it clear right away. I got the picture and I said, okay, I, I get it. Well, whatever works, you know, if, if, if it would be nice for us to go back, we, we're available, but please, I don't want to bother anybody, or if that's not cool, that I want to help, serve them, et cetera, et cetera,

• 27:07Speaker 03

  et cetera. Anyway, by the end, she said, yes, send him back. And she was very nice. I was very aware of the time I went, oh, my gosh, I was blubbering, but also excusing myself quickly. I said, here, this is Emily, my wife, and all so great, and goodbye, goodbye, go, go home, and da da da da da. And that was it. But so it was a whole, yeah, so I'm glad we're having this conversation.

• 27:26Jason Bateman?

  Because it, it is a thing.

• 27:28Sean Hayes?

  Ultimately, ultimately, I think it's better to err on the side of going back, because it's a nice thing to do. And it's a, and people, what actor doesn't like to get like, hey, great job?

• 27:39Jason Bateman?

  Well, what about, should I do a follow up then with our, with the, cause, cause Kieran and, and Bill and Bob, I guess it would be appropriate for me to potentially text them? Should I text them?

• 27:50Will Arnett?

  I would, I would definitely do what you always do, which is have a man to write something up and then you send it.

• 27:56Jason Bateman?

  Sean, Sean, but Sean, how was it going back? Were they receptive?

• 28:00Sean Hayes?

  Oh, my God, it was so fun and easy and they loved it and they love people to come back there. And I was hanging out with Karen and Karen poured me a glass of whiskey to share with him and I was like, I don't drink.

• 28:09Jason Bateman?

  They didn't say something like, so we heard Bateman was here last week. What's his problem?

• 28:12Sean Hayes?

  Your name was not brought up by them once. They all loved the show so much.

• 28:15Will Arnett?

  Nobody wants to bring your name up. They're all so hurt.

• 28:18Jason Bateman?

  Because see, I, like, I think it's presumptuous to, for me to think that they know I'm in the audience.

• 28:22Sean Hayes?

  And, or that they want to see you, right? I know. It's tricky, it's tricky.

• 28:25Will Arnett?

  Listen, listen, listen, we're not gonna solve it today. But what I wanna get to, because we mentioned Toronto. Your wife being from Toronto and French and stuff. But what I wanna get to, and I've always, I've never been able to talk to you about it. We've only sort of run into each other a handful of times. We don't know each other, Jeff. I'm a massive fan of yours, like everybody else. I just think that you are just incredible.

• 28:43Speaker 03

  Thank you, me you, me you.

• 28:45Will Arnett?

  You also worked with, you know, a very prominent and prolific and talented genius Canadian director by the name of David Cronenberg when you made The Fly.

• 28:56Speaker 03

  Yes, sir.

• 28:57Will Arnett?

  What a film. I love that film. Can you, now, I, talk a little bit about that process of working with David Cronenberg, if you might.

• 29:06Speaker 03

  Yes, I might, and I will, and here I go.

• 29:10Speaker 03

  I love him. Here's what happened, what happened, it was 1986-ish, I think. This script came to me. I was immediately struck by it. Did I, there wasn't a, I met him. Was there a reading? I don't think so. We met, and da-da-da, and they offered it to me. And then, yeah, and then, and it was great. He was wonderful. He was the most proactive I'd been creatively at that point. I had, I worked on it, like I always do conscientiously, but I had, I was very passionate about it. I wanted to make it work, I had a big feeling about it. And, and he, as you've probably heard, is a, even though he makes those, you know, wild movies,

• 29:55Speaker 03

  is a very buttoned-up, kind of sweet, Canadian, civil, polite, delightful, smart, intellectual artist, who marches to his own drum, of course. And that movie, I'd seen all his other movies. The one prior to that was the one with Chris Walken, Dead Zone, which I liked a lot.

• 30:15Sean Hayes?

  Uh-huh, yeah, that's great.

• 30:16Will Arnett?

  I used to always do this Dead Zone, I wanted to do a remake of Dead Zone, but when the guy, you know, he grabs the arm and he can see the future, right? He touches people and you can just kind of see their future. I wanted to do a remake when he grabs people, but all he can see is he can give you traffic updates. So he grabs you and he goes, "Don't take the 405." You know what I mean?

• 30:35Speaker 03

  That's good, I'd like to see that. So, so it was great. So we rehearsed, and then, and you know, Chris Wallace, who won the Oscar for the special effects makeup, had, and David, and I got together and did these camera, these elaborate camera tests, which they had. Designs and da da da da. And it was five hours finally in makeup, but he was great and we went from scene to scene. And actually, I had a kind of, we were, I had a vigorous conversation with him about the ending. There was an ending which had me, painted me retroactively, retroactively, in a kind of villainous, even though I tried to kill her at the end and meld all three

• 31:18Speaker 03

  of us. And then she goes with this guy, John Getz, she kind of goes, gets with him finally. And by that time, I had so kind of, I was such an advocate and a passionate protector of my character, I was possessive and I didn't want her to wind up with him.

• 31:35Will Arnett?

  Wow.

• 31:36Speaker 03

  And I said, you know, wait a minute, wait a minute, couldn't it be the, etc., etc. We had some, I had some dumb idiot conversations. Who was I to talk to him about that? But as it turns out, that's, it kind of wound up ending kind of like that with her, you know, killing me.

• 31:51Sean Hayes?

  Oh, that's cool.

• 31:52Speaker 03

  We don't have that aftermath where, you know, the bad guy's gone and she's now with this other guy. So I was happy about that. But it was a very, you know, arduous, but lovely, passionate experience, etc., etc. I could tell you much about it.

• 32:04Will Arnett?

  It's a great film.

• 32:05Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, I mean, it's a great film. Do you think that was the one that kind of really, like, I mean, you've done tons of work before then. Was that the movie that put you over the top or Invasion of the Body Snatchers? Or what was the one that kind of like was?

• 32:18Will Arnett?

  Big Chill was before that, right?

• 32:20Sean Hayes?

  Oh, Big Chill, right, Big Chill.

• 32:22Speaker 03

  Yes, yes. It was stepping stone to one thing led to another. And luckily, because I was, like my teacher Sandy Meisner said, takes 20 years to even call yourself an actor. Now luckily, I had right away miraculously good, some parts, but small parts that led to bigger parts. And I felt like I was learning. And, you know, I guess career wise, even though that hasn't been my focus, you know, from the start, one thing did lead to another. So, yeah, there was, well, Nashville, I worked with Altman and I did that movie, Nashville.

• 32:49Sean Hayes?

  Nashville, California Split, yeah.

• 32:51Speaker 03

  That was nice to be in, in California Split. But then Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Philip Kaufman, fantastic. And that was, I did a movie in 76 before that with. Joan Mclane Silver that I got some attention for and that led to some other things. Actually Lawrence Keston saw that and I think that's what led him to be attracted to putting me in the big chill, which led to, yeah, now we're up to the fly and you know, et cetera, et cetera.

• 33:18Sean Hayes?

  We're up to. But wait.

• 33:19Jason Bateman?

  Any truth to you doing the prequel, The Maggot? No?

• 33:22Sean Hayes?

  Yeah. Jesus.

• 33:24Will Arnett?

  Nice, Jason. Yeah, Jason, good for you, dude.

• 33:27Jason Bateman?

  You give me a little bit of time, I will work on some stuff.

• 33:29Will Arnett?

  No, but you know, you have done, you have played, you have done so, you've been very prolific and you've made a lot of films and so I always want to know, we always sort of ask, what was the first, you talked about your parents taking you to see film when you were a teenager, which is great, so I'm sure that that maybe you tell us inspired you, but what was the first, what was your first professional gig where you went, I'm gonna do this, and then you actually went out and did it and worked and did a job?

• 34:01Speaker 03

  Good question. It was a wild, you know, adventure of the heart. When I was 10 years old, the seed was sort of planted. I got the bug, I was in this camp, gaga, gaga, I was a part of this drama show and my dad had already said, if you find something you love to do, that might be a vocational lighthouse and compass. Something clicked in me after this kind of thing when I was 10 and I thought to myself and kept secret to myself, this is what I want to do.

• 34:29Jason Bateman?

  Wait, this was a theater camp? No.

• 34:31Speaker 03

  You know, it was a Chatham in Pittsburgh where I'm from, music day camp it was called. It wasn't sleepover, it was six weeks and they had, I loved this group of people that was different and more my family than the kids I'd gone to school with and I seemed to excel at art and piano and badminton and softball and arts and crafts and they had this acting.

• 34:59Speaker 03

  Um, a little, little moment in the day. And at the end of the six weeks, they cast me in this Gilbert and Sullivan takeoff thing where I sang and I was the lead in that. And I kind of rehearsed, you know, with my mom and da, da, da, da. And, and, you know, and I leaped, leapt on stage, uh, which was my first entrance and, and that was it. And I got some laughs and it was fun. It was exhilarating. And it was after that that they said, hey, how'd you like that? And I went, um.

• 35:25Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 35:26Speaker 03

  I, I, I, I like that. I liked that.

• 35:29Will Arnett?

  That drug.

• 35:30Jason Bateman?

  Did that inform high school, uh, choices and, and college choices and no?

• 35:35Speaker 03

  Well, here's what happened briefly. The, um, uh, between ninth and 10th and 10th and 11th grades in Pittsburgh, there was a, a six week offering at Carnegie Mellon University in art. And I did, it's taken by six, you know, had some flair for that and then music, da, da, da. And my mom was taking me through the brochure and she said, you want to go to this thing? I said, yeah. She said, well, they have this, the acting thing. I said, maybe, maybe this, the a- a- acting thing, maybe I'll do that, really? Yes. Well, I did that and I was, by the end of that, and I did it for two years running, I was deeply in love with that campus.

• 36:12Jason Bateman?

  That's so cool.

• 36:12Speaker 03

  And acting and, you know, just, uh, that's when I started to write on the shower door every, every morning, please God let me be an actor. Da, da, da, da. And then, uh, I tried out for that school. They turned me down. I had, I gave a couple of bad, you know, I gave a bad audition to get into the school. It's very competitive. But one of the teachers there, Mordecai Lonner, said, oh, I'll, I'll, I used to teach with Sandy Meisner. I took with him, then I taught with him. Uh, you know, I'll help you on, you know, on audition if you want to go to New York and audition for NYU and then.

• 36:40Jason Bateman?

  Wow.

• 36:40Speaker 03

  Check, check in with Sandy Meisner. I did Sandy Meisner. I lied about my age. You weren't supposed to be, uh, 17, but I said I was a year older than I was. I got in and that's what happened. I, I went to the Neighborhood Playhouse in 1970 when I graduated high school and at 17, just turning 18 that fall, started that course.

• 36:59Will Arnett?

  I, I love, you always hear stories about people lying, lying about their age to get in the army, never to get into, uh, theater school.

• 37:05Jason Bateman?

  Yeah. No, but no college, Jeff?

• 37:09Speaker 03

  No college, that, you know, being in that college.

• 37:11Jason Bateman?

  Good for you.

• 37:12Speaker 03

  Six week, that was, that was it.

• 37:14Will Arnett?

  Jason and I respect that.

• 37:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, that's good, but this was a fancy two-year program if you were really wanted to be an actor. And I think, and they used to, Sandy Meisner and other people that imitated him, has, have a jaundiced eye, make kind of comments about the college programs. He did at the time, going, mm, that's not where you learn to act. We from the group theater know what we're doing. And they require you to be a little more cerebral and academic. And this is about, this is a real studio and I'm going to teach you the real thing. And he, and he was that real thing and I was imbued with that.

• 37:51Sean Hayes?

  That's so cool. Talk to me about, is this true? One of your survival jobs was to office, to do office supplies for prisoners, like to get them office supplies?

• 37:59Speaker 03

  As you said.

• 38:00Sean Hayes?

  How in the world did that?

• 38:01Jason Bateman?

  Sharp pencils and things like that?

• 38:02Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, like how in the world did you get that job?

• 38:05Will Arnett?

  You had to blunt them.

• 38:07Speaker 03

  Here's what happened. That's a nice red drink you're drinking there, Jason.

• 38:10Jason Bateman?

  Oh, thank you. It's just, it's red wine. It's spoiled.

• 38:13Will Arnett?

  Really?

• 38:14Jason Bateman?

  Really? No, it's electrolytes.

• 38:17Speaker 03

  I like a nice, oh, I see. It's like a Gatorade. I like a nice mocktail these days.

• 38:22Jason Bateman?

  You know, I've, I've enjoyed a couple of those recently. I think they're starting to get that down.

• 38:27Speaker 03

  All these restaurants have on the menu, you know, ooh, they're good.

• 38:30Sean Hayes?

  I did, they're really good.

• 38:32Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 38:32Speaker 03

  But, but the answer to the question, oh, yes. So I, I lucked into, like I say, a couple of jobs to Gentlemen Verona. The first thing I did on stage at the, in the, at the Delacorte was a big hit. Raoul Julia was in it. Gault McDermott wrote the music.

• 38:45Sean Hayes?

  Wow.

• 38:46Speaker 03

  I was in the chorus. I just kind of lucked into that. And then it went to Broadway. I stopped the second year with Sandy Meisner. Did this year on Broadway as one of the chorus members and understudied one of the bigger parts. And then went back and finished that second year work with Bill Esper, who people may know. So I did that and then auditioned for a play, El Grande de Coca-Cola, got that. And then Altman saw me in that and I auditioned for my first movie, which was Death Wish. And I started to work right away, in other words, and I was even supporting myself and all that. Except when I came to California, in this four years later, after doing Nashville and a couple of other things, and kind of moved out here and got an agent. Abby Greshler.

• 39:29Speaker 03

  There was a moment when I was paying rent and with the was getting my money was getting low. And I thought, geez. I looked in the trade papers and they said, hey, are you an out of work actor? You want to make a, you know, a little money. Uh, come and do this thing. So I joined this boiler room operation, which I guess is illegal. You in the five, six in the morning, you go to Hollywood and you go to this place and you call correction institutions on the east coast and you say, hi, I'm Bob. And we have a surplus, a government surplus program just went bust. And we have a surplus of magic markers and pens and pencils. Can I send you, do you use the green or the red or the, or the, or the blue? Can I send you a gross of the, you know? And you get them to commit to that is my, my least favorite thing.

• 40:14Speaker 03

  And maybe not coincidentally, after a week of that was only my straight job ever. After a week of that, I got this illness. I wound up in the hospital. Uh, I'm just too sensitive for that kind of regular, regular work. And after that, I, I went back to supporting myself luckily and ever since with acting.

• 40:32Sean Hayes?

  That's amazing.

• 40:33Will Arnett?

  Well, I, Jeff, so you're saying that selling the markers wasn't a highlight of your career?

• 40:38Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 40:41Speaker 03

  I didn't get that at first. Wow, that's very good. You guys are sharp as tacks.

• 40:49Will Arnett?

  It's a tick.

• 40:50Sean Hayes?

  Uh, by the way, remember Cats and Dogs? We did that movie together, although we weren't on screen together. Remember that movie?

• 40:55Speaker 03

  I have, look, I, I know, I have, I, these are all the things I want to talk to you about, but I wrote down several things.

• 41:01Will Arnett?

  Notes for you, Sean.

• 41:01Speaker 03

  Well, I were several things, uh, you know, that overlap with us, connections that we have. And I have, I not only Will and Grace.

• 41:08Will Arnett?

  Let's hear it.

• 41:09Speaker 03

  Cats and Dogs and so, really? Okay. Watch this. So here it is. I have Sean Hayes. Hey, I like that. I like just free associating anyway. And, uh, and, uh, anyway, now here's our, our connections. Oh my God. Well, Will and Grace, Cats and Dogs. Um, hey, well, of course you portrayed Jerry Lewis and I was supposed to, uh, play his son in that last movie he did, Max Rose.

• 41:37Sean Hayes?

  Oh, wow.

• 41:37Speaker 03

  Which Kevin Pollak finally did because I had a scheduling, uh, uh, thing. But Jerry and I, uh, hung out in order to bond, uh, at his office in Las Vegas for a day. And that was fascinating because I had grown up with his, I, I, I kind of adored him early on.

• 41:54Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, yeah, same.

• 41:55Jason Bateman?

  Wait, Sean, when did you play Jerry Lewis?

• 41:58Sean Hayes?

  Two thousand?

• 41:59Speaker 03

  And, and in what?

• 42:00Sean Hayes?

  Ninety-nine, two thousand one. A movie? I don't know where it is. It's, um, it was, uh, Jeremy, um, Jeremy Northam.

• 42:08Speaker 03

  Northam.

• 42:08Will Arnett?

  Okay, okay.

• 42:09Sean Hayes?

  He played Dean, Dean.

• 42:11Speaker 03

  Martin, so it was about the, the duo and they're getting together and they're breaking up? I'm so fascinated. I've read a lot about that. What film is this? Why are you trying to bury it?

• 42:20Sean Hayes?

  It's called Dean and Jerry? I don't know.

• 42:22Will Arnett?

  Dean and Jerry. And where, and where is it streaming? Is it on Tubi? Cause Jason doesn't get Tubi. He's not sure.

• 42:27Speaker 03

  Well, hang on. I don't know. Do I get, do I have Tubi?

• 42:29Sean Hayes?

  Oh my God. What's that? Oh, Martin and Lewis it's called.

• 42:33Speaker 03

  Martin and Lewis.

• 42:34Will Arnett?

  And was this a TV film?

• 42:36Sean Hayes?

  CBS, yeah, it was TV, yeah.

• 42:37Will Arnett?

  Oh, it was a CBS TV film? Well, that's why you're being cagey about it. Okay. So listen.

• 42:41Speaker 03

  I love that. So on another occasion, we can talk.

• 42:43Sean Hayes?

  I didn't remember that until he just told me. Scotty just told me.

• 42:45Speaker 03

  I want to talk about though, that comedy duo. I want to talk about Jerry. I want to talk about Dean. But, uh, how about, but talking about you guys, how about the trios? How about, uh, which brings me to the Three Stooges, of course, and well, there's the Marx Brothers.

• 42:58Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:58Speaker 03

  And how about applause? Bravo. I loved it. I loved it. What commitment? What commitment? Bravo. Hey, I love that. I believed every moment of that deal. I was transported. Oh my God.

• 43:17Speaker 03

  Now wait, the Three Stooges. I loved when I was a kid. I saw all of their, their things on television. But listen to this. I saw them live. They came to a place called the Holiday House in nineteen sixty. It must've been, you know, do two or five or something. And I saw, uh, Mo and Larry and Curly Joe at that time.

• 43:36Sean Hayes?

  Yes.

• 43:37Speaker 03

  And they came into the audience, I remember, and my sister, two years younger than me, was like five or six or something. Mo, who had big bags at that point, did something to her kind of, uh, aggressive. She burst into tears. And he kind of retreated and, uh, you know.

• 43:51Sean Hayes?

  He later got his eyes done and didn't have that problem anymore.

• 43:54Will Arnett?

  Wow.

• 43:55Sean Hayes?

  Different Mo, different Mo, different Mo.

• 43:59Speaker 03

  Hey, promises, promises. Jerry Orbach was the original. I love it.

• 44:05Sean Hayes?

  And by the way, Jerry. And you came backstage and I appreciated that. So, thank you.

• 44:13Will Arnett?

  Oh, now we're full circle. Now we're full circle.

• 44:15Jason Bateman?

  All right, let's move on to Jason and Will, or I have a bunch of questions for you.

• 44:19Speaker 03

  Oscar Levant, listen to this, though. My grandmother, Anna Katz, claims she dated Oscar Levant, who's also been Pittsburgh, on one occasion. Now, I don't know if that meant he flirted with her, if they had some encounter. I don't know what that means, but anyway.

• 44:33Jason Bateman?

  Sean, you did not discover that during your extensive research?

• 44:36Sean Hayes?

  I didn't, but I'll use it.

• 44:37Jason Bateman?

  Okay.

• 44:38Speaker 03

  Will Arnett, Arrested Development. Well, I love, I saw every episode of Arrested Development. Bravo, bravo.

• 44:46Jason Bateman?

  Sean didn't.

• 44:47Speaker 03

  And we got the Fox network. Ah, it's amazing.

• 44:52Will Arnett?

  Sean's character goes, "What channel was it on?"

• 44:57Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 44:58Speaker 03

  We're in fire, man. So, but I saw, but I loved all your, well, every character in it, of course, Eliza Minnelli, I knew a little bit.

• 45:06Jason Bateman?

  Oh, sure.

• 45:07Speaker 03

  Charlize Theron, fantastic. But the magician, the magic in that, and I know you've talked about magic before. I did magic in that, in that movie Nashville, and I had, in Wicked, I do a little magic, so we could talk about magic.

• 45:20Jason Bateman?

  You are magic.

• 45:21Will Arnett?

  I bet you strike me, Jeff, as the kind of guy who knows like a few card tricks and a few sleight of hand things, do you?

• 45:27Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 45:27Speaker 03

  I know, I, well, Robert Almond told me to learn some. I had this guy in New York taught me a bag full of tricks. I brought it to Nashville and we used a bunch of them. The only thing that I've kept up my sleeve are these rope tricks. Yes, which I've pulled out too many times, and I know that, and then I know one card trick. That's all I know. But the rope tricks I can do.

• 45:47Jason Bateman?

  Rope tricks. That's always tough. You gotta make sure you're in a big group for that.

• 45:52Speaker 03

  So, Jeff, I wanna, I wanna, I'm pitching that as a halftime show at the Super Bowl. I think those rope, close up magic would go over well.

• 46:00Will Arnett?

  Sure.

• 46:02Speaker 03

  We'll be right back.

• 46:06Sean Hayes?

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• 46:51Sean Hayes?

  and it could beat your insurance copay price. Save time and money on your prescriptions. Check out GoodRx at GoodRx.com/smartless. That's GoodRx.com/smartless.

• 47:07Sean Hayes?

  Can we talk about something embarrassing besides the sound of my voice? Imagine you're at lunch. The server brings a Coca-Cola Zero Sugar while the food is still on the way. You think, "Just a sip while I wait for my chili dog." So you take that sip, but suddenly you can't stop drinking that delicious ice-cold Coke Zero. The food arrives, and you're just sitting there emotionally unprepared, waiting for a lifesaving refill. Real Coca-Cola taste with zero sugar? It's hard to resist. Coca-Cola Zero Sugar: Too Good to Wait. Enjoy the delicious taste of Coca-Cola Zero Sugar today.

• 47:47Sean Hayes?

  Wayfair helps you create a home that stands up to real life with quality products, great value, and trusted reviews. Wayfair verified products are hand-vetted by product specialists using a 10-point quality inspection. Shop thousands of products across every style and budget, whether you're trying to refresh your space for fall or transform your space for Halloween. I love Halloween. Use filters, customer photos, and reviews. To find the right fit for your home. More than 20 million verified five star reviews. Help shoppers buy with confidence. Plus, Wayfair Rewards members get 5% back on every purchase. So during Halloween, I would drive around and see all the things that I wish I did to my house.

• 48:31Sean Hayes?

  Well, Wayfair has pretty much all of them, so I got those pumpkin lights. That you like, they're like string lights that you hang outside your door. I love that stuff. Transform your space with pieces that hold up to real life. Join Wayfair Rewards today and get 5% back on every purchase. Head to wayfair.com or shop the Wayfair app for all things home. That's wayfair.com.

• 48:57Jason Bateman?

  And now, back to the show.

• 49:01Sean Hayes?

  I want to talk about the famous Jeff Goldblum delivery, which is like you're known for. It's brilliant, it's made you.

• 49:07Will Arnett?

  Don't break it down, don't break it down, don't break it.

• 49:09Sean Hayes?

  What do you mean?

• 49:10Jason Bateman?

  Don't talk about a magic trick.

• 49:11Sean Hayes?

  No, I want, I want, I thought this was interesting. I read that in Invasion of the Body Snatchers, it's kind of when you kind of discovered this thing. And it was the line, I never thought they would come in metal ships, is that right?

• 49:23Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 49:23Sean Hayes?

  And now, I would say it, I would have never thought they'd come in metal ships, but you would say it.

• 49:29Speaker 03

  I never thought they'd come in, in metal ships? I don't know, I'm not making that up. I have no idea.

• 49:35Will Arnett?

  That's really good, by the way, that's really good.

• 49:37Speaker 03

  I'm doing a caricature of my own, you know, fum futchering. I don't know, I don't know.

• 49:41Sean Hayes?

  I love that.

• 49:42Speaker 03

  But it was at that moment that Phil Kaufman said, oh yeah, that's good, I like the way you did that. And I kind of thought to myself, hmm, check, note to self, I think.

• 49:49Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 49:50Speaker 03

  That's something, that's something I can build upon.

• 49:52Sean Hayes?

  It's so cool.

• 49:52Speaker 03

  Something like that, anyway. So there we go, Horton, here's a who.

• 49:56Sean Hayes?

  Oh boy, I love it.

• 49:59Speaker 03

  Legos, my kids and Legos. Now, Ozark, wait a minute, wait a minute. You know, I did this, I did this series recently, Chaos, I played Zeus, and you know who played my wife? Janet McTeer.

• 50:13Sean Hayes?

  Oh boy, she's a beast.

• 50:14Speaker 03

  She's wonderful.

• 50:16Sean Hayes?

  She's incredible.

• 50:17Speaker 03

  She's incredible. And you know who I know a little bit? Have not seen her since. When she was like, what, 12, 13, 14, something like that, I think, or 15. This girl came backstage. I think this is how it happened, to see me in the Pillow Man. I did this thing at the Booth Theater with people you know. It was, I enjoyed doing that. So she came back, I think then, said, "Oh, I like what you do. You know, I want to be an actress. Maybe could we talk sometime and you'll tell, you know, like I have a script. We could, you know, read something or, and you'll tell me." I said, "Sure." She seemed like an interesting and, and smart girl. That was Julie Garner.

• 50:55Jason Bateman?

  Oh, wow.

• 50:56Sean Hayes?

  Wow.

• 50:57Speaker 03

  And I have not seen her since. I haven't seen her, to congratulate her on everything that's gone on. She's interesting, isn't she?

• 51:03Jason Bateman?

  Oh, yeah. She was a sweet, sweet person and just a monster talent, yeah.

• 51:08Speaker 03

  Oh, my gosh. Well, you know, and then, of course, hey, Will Speck, hey, we did The Switch, you and I, Dr.

• 51:13Jason Bateman?

  We played, we played best friends, yeah.

• 51:15Speaker 03

  Best friends.

• 51:16Jason Bateman?

  In, in The Switch with, with Miss Jennifer Aniston. Directed by the great. Miss Jennifer Aniston. Yeah, Will Speck, Josh Gordon.

• 51:23Speaker 03

  And Will Speck and Josh Gordon, who, who directed me in some of these Apartments.com commercials. I adore them.

• 51:28Jason Bateman?

  Is that right?

• 51:29Will Arnett?

  No kidding.

• 51:30Sean Hayes?

  By the way, I love those commercials.

• 51:31Will Arnett?

  Will Speck and Josh Gordon, who directed Blades of Glory, that I did years ago.

• 51:36Jason Bateman?

  Well, there's degrees of separation.

• 51:38Will Arnett?

  That's right. Jeff, who were your, you know, you hear these stories about actors like these, like, you know, the, the great Gene Hackman just passed away and, and you hear like he was roommates with Robert Duvall and, and Dustin Hoffman. And then you hear these different people who came up. Who were sort of your gang? Did you have like a gang of actor friends that we didn't know about? Or like people that, who worked a lot and you guys were all coming up at the same time? Or was it a more solitary existence for you? Meaning, did you have no friends?

• 52:09Speaker 03

  You know, I fit into the more solitary category.

• 52:17Jason Bateman?

  Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Do you mind your business and stay in a dark room by yourself like me?

• 52:24Speaker 03

  Well, I like time a lot. I have my homework. I'm a good boy and I'm conscientious and I play the piano for an hour every morning and I work out and I like to work on my things. I'd rather not, I don't go to, I don't stay up late in order to hang out or all of that stuff. So, you know, there's that, but I'm also...

• 52:45Will Arnett?

  You can be friends with us, but it sounds like...

• 52:47Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 52:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're hard workers, obviously, but I adore people and I, you know, like I said, you know, I can imagine being pals with you and I have a good friend Gary and Ed Begley Jr. is a good friend.

• 53:01Sean Hayes?

  I love him.

• 53:02Will Arnett?

  From Arrested Development, we love Ed Begley so much.

• 53:05Jason Bateman?

  Now, are you a concert pianist like our friend Sean Hayes?

• 53:09Sean Hayes?

  He's an incredibly accomplished jazz pianist.

• 53:12Speaker 03

  I don't know, I'm a humble student, but I do like the jazz. I, you know, I started off getting the chops playing Charney and, you know, John Thompson's stuff. And this and that, and then discovered The Fake Books or now called The Real Books and jazz. And I fell in love with that and that's what happened. And then 30 years ago, no, I put it in some movies. The Fly character plays the piano and in Earth's Girls, I play the piano.

• 53:33Will Arnett?

  That's right.

• 53:34Speaker 03

  And in plays, I put it in a couple of plays. And then 30 years ago, Peter Weller said, hey, you know, we did this movie, Buck or Bunsen. He said, let's get together and play a little bit. And a couple of people, Miles Davis, who he knows, and said, oh, Jeff, you and Jeff should go out and play, play a gig and you'll get better and enjoy it. And that's what we started to do. So 30 years ago, I've had this group. Peter Weller kind of went off and did wonderful things, but I've kept this group.

• 53:59Will Arnett?

  Peter Weller, who also worked with David Cronenberg on Naked Lunch and who is also first cousin of Fred Weller, my good friend, theater actor.

• 54:07Speaker 03

  Love Fred Weller. I saw him in a play, I saw him on stage. But how about, speaking of the movie game, so Naked Lunch takes us to Judy Davis. I've never met her, but I adore her. Which takes us to Husbands and Wives, which takes us to Sidney Pollack, or many other people, so.

• 54:23Will Arnett?

  You had a role in Annie Hall as well, so that takes us, we're going, I mean.

• 54:27Speaker 03

  Sure did.

• 54:28Sean Hayes?

  So wait, Jeff, the, the, um, has jazz music, like playing jazz music, have you ever had to make a decision about doing acting work over ja, you know, your music, or you, do you always kind of make sure everything's separate?

• 54:41Speaker 03

  Separate, um, they were, they went on parallel tracks. Like I said, I, at 10, I, I had my heart set on being an actor in my life, uh, as a career.

• 54:52Sean Hayes?

  Like, have you ever turned down, like, a big movie because you're like, I can't, I have a gig?

• 54:55Speaker 03

  Nope, nope, I have not. As a matter of fact, I have gigs coming up. We have, we have our fourth album on deck, and we're coming out April 25th. Uh, and, uh, around that, and, and so in support of that, we're going to these places to play. We're gonna play the Palladium. And, uh, in London, we're gonna be in Toronto at Massey Hall, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

• 55:13Will Arnett?

  Give us some dates on those. Do you have dates on those, Jeff? Let's, let's get a plug in here.

• 55:17Speaker 03

  April 25th. This may, by the time people hear this, may be too late, but we will have been at the Palladium, and my two boys, who play the piano, and I work with them, where they have a great teacher, but I work with them, are gonna come on stage with, it's a surprise, nobody knows yet. They're gonna come on stage with me and play something. I hope that's not abusive. I hope they have a good experience.

• 55:35Sean Hayes?

  Yes, I think it's great.

• 55:37Speaker 03

  For. Anyway, we'll be there, then Luxembourg, we go, and then on the 26th, April, then May 25th, Atlanta, Symphony Hall. May 27th to the 31st, we'll be at the Carlyle, the Cafe Carlyle in New York City.

• 55:50Will Arnett?

  I love that.

• 55:51Speaker 03

  Carlyle, I've played there before.

• 55:52Sean Hayes?

  I saw you play at the Troubadour, I think, a long, long time ago, and.

• 55:56Speaker 03

  You're mixing me up with, uh, with, uh, Bob Dylan or something, I don't know.

• 56:00Sean Hayes?

  No, no.

• 56:01Speaker 03

  I've never played the Troubadour.

• 56:02Sean Hayes?

  Then it was somewhere else in LA, it was like, uh, I just, anyway, it was, it was incredible.

• 56:07Speaker 03

  All over the LA, yes, and I did a play at the Whiskey Agogo down the block from Troubadour.

• 56:13Will Arnett?

  Really?

• 56:13Speaker 03

  Believe it or not, El Grande de Coca-Cola, yes, it was a cabaret theater.

• 56:16Will Arnett?

  Any good theater stories from the Whiskey Agogo? Anything happen there that was, Sean started to cut into your, my, your line.

• 56:22Sean Hayes?

  Jeff, I always ask people if you have any crazy, like, mishaps, theater, all right.

• 56:25Speaker 03

  I know you do. Well, I did the Mooney Shapiro Songbook, which, there were five of us, Judy, uh, uh, um.

• 56:34Speaker 03

  Gary Beach was in it.

• 56:37Sean Hayes?

  Gary Beach?

• 56:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, Gary Beach, of course. He was in it, just five of us, singing and dancing. We were at the Morosco Theater. And we were rehearsed for four weeks. We previewed for two weeks. Opening night seemed to go well. The reviews came out, they weren't so great for the play. I got nice reviews. And then Stuart Ostrow called me up and said, "So, we're not gonna be doing it anymore." "What? What do you mean? What, Tuesday? Well, Tuesday, this coming Tuesday? We're off tomorrow, Monday." "No, no, no, that's all. We didn't sell enough advance tickets and the reviews didn't..."

• 57:10Sean Hayes?

  Oh, jeez.

• 57:10Speaker 03

  So, it closed opening night. So, that's a kind of a... I don't know how funny that story is, but...

• 57:16Sean Hayes?

  So, wait, so Jurassic Park, I just wanna talk for two seconds because I was so jealous when you... I saw your talk show and you had your own lyrics to the melody. And I had my own lyrics that I was singing for years and years. And it was...

• 57:30Will Arnett?

  Oh, shit, put a wallet in his mouth. Sorry.

• 57:35Sean Hayes?

  Can you remember yours? Mine went like this. "Kill the dinosaurs, kill the dinosaurs. Kill them all before they eat you." And that was all I had. And then you came on and I was...

• 57:47Will Arnett?

  And you had years to work on that yourself?

• 57:50Sean Hayes?

  It begs for lyrics, doesn't it?

• 57:52Will Arnett?

  Fuck.

• 57:53Speaker 03

  I don't know if it begs for it, but here's mine. Here's all I know. "In Jurassic Park, scary in the dark. I'm so scared that I'll be eaten."

• 58:04Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, that's good. That's good, that's good.

• 58:07Will Arnett?

  This is a lyric!

• 58:11Sean Hayes?

  Now, Jeff, with all of the films that you've done, all the projects that you've done, you've done it all. Does... How... Do... Does the way that you choose what job to do, has it changed over the years since you've checked so many boxes? Like, what gets you to work? What gets you to say yes nowadays?

• 58:34Speaker 03

  A good question. Well, it's always fluid, as you know, and that's always clarifying itself as the days and the weeks go on. But now, as I have this family, which is, I adore, and these two little boys, you know, it's not just for any reason that I'm gonna go off to, you know, the ends of the earth for a year, and, or do, you know, do all sorts of things. So, so it has to be special, and my own criteria, you know, when I was, when Sandy, I took to heart what Sandy Misner said, and it takes 20 years of constant work, and then a lifetime of continual work, if you get opportunities to keep growing, and that's a good worthwhile way to spend your life.

• 59:17Jason Bateman?

  Mm-hmm, yeah.

• 59:18Speaker 03

  I took that to heart. But I, I, I went through a couple of decades where I worked a lot, and wanted to work, and wanted to work more, and exercise myself, and find, and test myself, and find out what I had in me, and, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Now, yes, I have as big an appetite as ever for creative, the creative experience so-called. But, but I don't have to, I don't have to work every day. I don't, I don't feel, you know, ashamed if I'm not working every day. That's okay, and so I wanna do special things, uh, special, special things, whatever that means.

• 1:00:01Jason Bateman?

  But talk about that, what I thought you were about to say about, you went through a period where it was all about testing yourself. So that was kinda what drove your decisions. And now, are you feeling like, I don't wanna put words in your mouth, but it's not like you don't have things to prove to yourself anymore, but is it less of a, of an urgency, like, yeah?

• 1:00:22Speaker 03

  Yes, it's less urgent, although, in another way, more urgent, because as we know, time is running out, and, and I still feel, I feel like I'm doing my best work. I feel at the top of my form, I'm injury free, and I feel like I'm enjoying it more than ever, I'm freer than ever, and can do my best work. So, I feel like grand things could be ahead.

• 1:00:45Jason Bateman?

  And you've satisfied whatever sort of personal doubt might be the wrong Word that you whatever you were working through there and and and sort of having fun exploring. Now you've sort of found this place of uh not satisfaction, but just sort of like I I feel uh.

• 1:01:03Will Arnett?

  Content.

• 1:01:04Jason Bateman?

  Content. Thank you. Um and and now work takes on a different role perhaps. I I'm asking all this. Because I I feel like I'm playing with it myself.

• 1:01:12Speaker 03

  Well, you're intuitive. You're a good therapist. You're a good friend.

• 1:01:14Will Arnett?

  We talk about it all the time, don't we? Like the balance and what is the things that what are the things that truly make us happy? Right? And and and the way that we measure our happiness, our joy, uh it it evolves over time, especially when you add sort of kids and family and and and experience and age and all those things.

• 1:01:32Speaker 03

  Work represents a different thing in different decades.

• 1:01:34Will Arnett?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:35Speaker 03

  All of that. We could talk about all of that at length, but yeah, that that I I I'm in the same ballpark. That's that's right. And movies.

• 1:01:43Will Arnett?

  We could talk about it over on Smartless After Hours, our new podcast that we're launching.

• 1:01:50Speaker 03

  Well, I like this long form. This long form is great to me. I mean, I like the six, seven minutes you spend on these talk shows and you you know, that's another kind of thing which would be fun to talk about, but I I like these. I like listening to them.

• 1:02:01Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, I love it too.

• 1:02:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, I do too.

• 1:02:04Jason Bateman?

  And then we're gonna end on, by the way, thanks for being in Italy and talking to us for an hour. I mean, this is incredible. I mean, I can't. What time is it there?

• 1:02:12Speaker 03

  This it is, you know, so oh, a quarter of eight.

• 1:02:17Jason Bateman?

  Oh, that's not.

• 1:02:17Speaker 03

  The kids are already, I know. I said hello, but they're now in bed.

• 1:02:21Will Arnett?

  So it's two.

• 1:02:22Speaker 03

  No, no, no.

• 1:02:23Will Arnett?

  It's no. Oh, sorry. Two, but I'm sorry. I was thinking two is a quarter of eight. All right.

• 1:02:28Speaker 03

  Oh. Oh, yeah.

• 1:02:33Speaker 03

  Wow. Anyway, hey, you know who sings on our new album is um is Scarlett Johansson. And Ariana and Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo. They have.

• 1:02:43Jason Bateman?

  Wow, that's cool.

• 1:02:45Speaker 03

  Half are instrumentals and half are songs, uh singers, and they they sing. How about that?

• 1:02:49Jason Bateman?

  That's incredible. Wicked wicked uh was probably as successful as everyone thought. God it might be, um, thank God and deservedly so. There is a second one coming that you've already shot or that you're art that you're going to shoot?

• 1:03:03Speaker 03

  No, no, we've already shot it. We shot them all all at once, but they're

• 1:03:05Jason Bateman?

  Wow.

• 1:03:06Speaker 03

  Um, editing it and scoring it and special effectsing it.

• 1:03:09Jason Bateman?

  And a fun process, I'll bet, despite all the special effects and the wardrobes and all those things.

• 1:03:16Speaker 03

  Wardrobe was fantastic. You know, he won an Oscar for that.

• 1:03:19Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, that was great.

• 1:03:21Speaker 03

  Uh, but John M Chu is a delightful director and a very, very masterful director and those that cast and Jonathan Bailey, whom I saw here in Richard the Second, the night before the Seagull Show, by the way. Uh, he was terrific and, uh, and those and Ariana and Cynthia Fant. It was a magical and great, great experience. I loved that show when I first saw it with, uh, Idina Menzel and Kristen Chenworth.

• 1:03:44Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:44Speaker 03

  Pried my eyes out at that and so I loved, loved playing that. Joel Gray played the part originally on stage, you know?

• 1:03:49Jason Bateman?

  Oh, yeah?

• 1:03:50Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, it's great, yeah.

• 1:03:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:51Jason Bateman?

  Well, just great, great congratulations.

• 1:03:53Will Arnett?

  Yeah, big congrats.

• 1:03:55Jason Bateman?

  That's, that's amazing.

• 1:03:57Will Arnett?

  You're a titan.

• 1:03:57Sean Hayes?

  It's always so fun to see you in anything. It's when you pop on the screen, you're like, ah, I'm gonna be taken care of.

• 1:04:03Will Arnett?

  Truly, truly, you elevate, you raise, you raise all boats, my friend. You raise all boats.

• 1:04:08Speaker 03

  Yeah. Thank you. Well, you are so fun. This is a great honor. I hope we see each other often and immediately and

• 1:04:14Jason Bateman?

  Get back to this country.

• 1:04:15Speaker 03

  But I know now comes the part of the show, I'll say my farewells and now, now, no, has, nobody's sung this song because you always say nice things afterwards. You have a little recap and a debriefing. But you know that song, please don't talk about me when I'm gone?

• 1:04:30Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:30Speaker 03

  You know that song, please don't talk about me when I'm gone?

• 1:04:32Sean Hayes?

  Yes, of course.

• 1:04:33Speaker 03

  That's a good thing. And then, of course, do you know that song from Oliver? You know any songs from Oliver, Sean? Well. Who will? This glory?

• 1:04:42Sean Hayes?

  No, I know, I know, as long as he needs me.

• 1:04:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, but.

• 1:04:45Sean Hayes?

  Who will?

• 1:04:50Sean Hayes?

  I don't know, I don't know. What is it?

• 1:04:52Speaker 03

  Uh, who will buy?

• 1:04:54Will Arnett?

  Oh.

• 1:04:56Sean Hayes?

  Oh. Wait, what are the words? Who will buy what?

• 1:04:58Speaker 03

  Who will buy this glory, something, something, something. Who will buy this?

• 1:05:03Sean Hayes?

  Okay.

• 1:05:04Jason Bateman?

  Thank you. A guest has never, a guest has never given us a buy.

• 1:05:07Will Arnett?

  Okay, well now you've given us so good.

• 1:05:10Jason Bateman?

  I love it.

• 1:05:10Will Arnett?

  He's given us an out.

• 1:05:11Speaker 03

  And of course, I sung on one of those albums, I sang, "Little man, you're crying, I know why you're blue", which is a version of a, what you sing to your kids when they go to bed, a lullaby.

• 1:05:21Sean Hayes?

  Oh. There's another one.

• 1:05:23Will Arnett?

  Save it, save it, save it, save it.

• 1:05:26Sean Hayes?

  He's waving goodbye.

• 1:05:29Jason Bateman?

  All right, Jeff, thank you so much.

• 1:05:30Sean Hayes?

  We love you.

• 1:05:31Speaker 03

  I love you so, so much. Goodbye, I'll see you soon.

• 1:05:33Will Arnett?

  Bravo, bravo.

• 1:05:34Jason Bateman?

  Bravo.

• 1:05:39Will Arnett?

  That was amazing.

• 1:05:40Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, he's great.

• 1:05:41Will Arnett?

  Jeff Goldblum.

• 1:05:42Sean Hayes?

  We didn't get to Wes Sand, he's worked with all the greatest directors, Wes Anderson, Steven Spielberg.

• 1:05:46Will Arnett?

  Something like 80 films or something. It's like, it's insane.

• 1:05:49Jason Bateman?

  Like, almost no bad ones.

• 1:05:51Sean Hayes?

  No, almost no bad ones, and always happy.

• 1:05:53Will Arnett?

  Always happy?

• 1:05:54Sean Hayes?

  Always happy.

• 1:05:55Will Arnett?

  And again, another one of those, never a bad performance.

• 1:05:57Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, you never catch him acting. He's just always, he's got his own rhythm and, and, you know what, I think you're, you're right not to sort of dissect his thing, and not, not that I would know how, but if I were to guess.

• 1:06:09Sean Hayes?

  Well, no, I only did it because I read that he likes to talk about it.

• 1:06:12Jason Bateman?

  Well, but it's like, he's, you can see the next thought coming into his head, and so he races through the old thought to get to the new, like, there's, he's always like, that's, I don't know, I try to do, I try to think about what I'm gonna say before I say it, which is how the brain works. You know, but in acting, you have to, you have the line in front of you, you know what's coming, and you, that's, that's the missing point. You have to sort of like, get the thought first.

• 1:06:41Will Arnett?

  But sometimes, don't you feel like I didn't want him to share it, like, you want, you don't want to know too much how the sausage is made?

• 1:06:46Sean Hayes?

  Uh huh, uh huh.

• 1:06:47Will Arnett?

  And Sean, correct me if I'm wrong, you just want to enjoy the sausage?

• 1:06:49Sean Hayes?

  Sausage, that is correct. Yeah, just the sausage, correct. Yeah, that is right. That is correct. Keep the casing on it, or cut the casing, it doesn't matter, you can be cut or uncut.

• 1:06:57Jason Bateman?

  Massage the casing to make sure it's all evenly.

• 1:07:03Sean Hayes?

  Oh, boy.

• 1:07:04Will Arnett?

  Boy, that took a real turn, man. I tell you. That's a real turn.

• 1:07:08Sean Hayes?

  What about the, what's that song from Oliver you said? What was it? Who will?

• 1:07:14Jason Bateman?

  No.

• 1:07:15Will Arnett?

  Buy?

• 1:07:16Sean Hayes?

  Oh, no.

• 1:07:17Jason Bateman?

  No, I think what, the, the better image is just sort of like a nice peaceful. Uh, house there in, in, in, in the, in the Italian countryside. Yeah, and put, uh, families going to bed. Uh, yeah, and the kids, yeah, the kids go, you go to sleep, you go to sleep. And then you might sing them something, right, Sean? How would that song go?

• 1:07:37Sean Hayes?

  La la ba and goodnight. Oh, my God.

• 1:07:42Jason Bateman?

  You got somewhere you gotta go?

• 1:07:43Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, that's lazy. I mean. La la ba, la la ba. Say la la ba. You know what, just bye. Bye, bye. Abba chow, chow, abba chow. Abba chow, bye chow. Bye chow. Shabai.

• 1:08:11Will Arnett?

  Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Bennett Barbaco, Michael Grant Terry, and Rob Armjarf.

• 1:08:29Sean Hayes?

  Being safer on the road starts with the person behind the wheel. That's Mazda's philosophy when designing every vehicle. Their proactive safety features help keep you more aware, connected, and engaged during every drive, which means your car does more than help protect you. It helps make you a safer driver, which helps protect everyone. That's why Mazda has been named Consumer Reports' safest new car brand. To learn more, visit MazdaUSA.com. Consumer Reports does not endorse products or services.

• 1:09:09Speaker 04

  Your sausage McMuffin with egg didn't change, your receipt did. The sausage McMuffin with egg extra value meal includes a hash brown and a small coffee for just $5, only at McDonald's for a limited time. Pricing participation may vary. Promotion pricing may be lower than meal pricing.