"RE-RELEASE: Adam Sandler"

"The Sandman" a.k.a. the unstoppable legend Adam Sandler, drives a golf-ball right onto the SmartLess fairway and we all take a ride on the cart of life through blackout nerves, comfort-zones vs. ambition, the importance of family, and the nuances of the comedy brain. Fore! This episode was originally released on 10/12/2020.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Sean Hayes?

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• 0:44Sean Hayes?

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• 0:54Sean Hayes?

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• 1:34Sean Hayes?

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• 2:11Sean Hayes?

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• 2:55Sean Hayes?

  Hello, listener. This is Jason Bateman, along with Will Arnett and Sean Hayes for the podcast called Smartless. If that's a place you're looking for, you've found it. Congratulations. It's not a real high-concept podcast. One person invites a guest, the other two don't know who that guest is, and then we chat. Here we go.

• 3:29Sean Hayes?

  Jason, you missed this last time. Look what I got.

• 3:33Jason Bateman?

  That's a Baby Yoda?

• 3:34Sean Hayes?

  It's a Baby Yoda, and there's a message on here.

• 3:36Jason Bateman?

  Is that from the Mandalorian show?

• 3:38Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, Mandalorian. This is from my friend Michael Cohen and the Cohen family. Not that Michael Cohen. But look, and he recorded this.

• 3:44Speaker 02

  Welcome to Smartless, the best podcast in the world with my dear friend Sean Hayes, Jason Bateman, and William Arnett.

• 3:52Will Arnett?

  He went William. I like that he went William.

• 3:53Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, and Baby Yoda said that.

• 3:55Jason Bateman?

  So he's the voice of Baby Yoda?

• 3:57Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, could you not tell?

• 3:58Jason Bateman?

  He sounds Latin. I didn't know Baby Yoda-

• 4:00Sean Hayes?

  Actually, he is.

• 4:01Jason Bateman?

  Baby Yoda is Latin, huh? I gotta watch that show.

• 4:04Will Arnett?

  I'm developing a new show. It's Baby Yoda Nanny. And it's a nanny who works, who looks after-

• 4:09Sean Hayes?

  No, it's just the doll that you leave with your kids and tell them they're watching them.

• 4:12Will Arnett?

  Yeah. It should be noted, Jason's haircut, have you commented on it?

• 4:18Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, it looks good, finally.

• 4:19Will Arnett?

  It looks good, right?

• 4:20Jason Bateman?

  Well, this is, guys, listen, this is just rolled right out of bed.

• 4:24Sean Hayes?

  It's such a thick head of hair.

• 4:26Will Arnett?

  I know, it's so thick, but it's a very boyish look he's got going right now, isn't it?

• 4:30Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 4:31Will Arnett?

  It looks stupid, very boyish.

• 4:32Jason Bateman?

  I know, I'm trying to get respect as an adult, but that's why sometimes I try to grow up my facial hair, but that takes...

• 4:39Sean Hayes?

  Do you push?

• 4:40Jason Bateman?

  It cost me a year, actually, to grow that.

• 4:42Will Arnett?

  Because you're just saying to the world, hey, I'm a man.

• 4:45Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, I'm a man, deal with it. All right, so speaking of men.

• 4:48Will Arnett?

  Sure.

• 4:49Jason Bateman?

  Um, we have a man today. This is a funny man, a family man, and for the next hour, he's a smartless man. Ladies and gentlemen, Adam Sandler.

• 5:01Sean Hayes?

  Adam Sandler!

• 5:02Jason Bateman?

  The one and only.

• 5:04Speaker 04

  I did the beard. I'm sorry about this.

• 5:06Jason Bateman?

  Wow, look at, now, that's a man, look at the beard.

• 5:09Speaker 04

  It's gross, it's gross, good to see you all, too.

• 5:12Jason Bateman?

  You're moving dime bags or something with a beard like that.

• 5:14Sean Hayes?

  Wow.

• 5:15Speaker 04

  It started off, uh, early in the pandemic, and I just kept going because I gained a lot, so I was covering the neck.

• 5:23Jason Bateman?

  You gained a lot of weight?

• 5:24Will Arnett?

  Of knowledge, of knowledge.

• 5:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, a lot of weight.

• 5:28Sean Hayes?

  But wait, I just read a report yesterday that said belly fat is now officially medically proven to lessen your life, if you have a lot of belly fat, no matter how much other fat you have.

• 5:38Will Arnett?

  Let's see it, Sean.

• 5:39Jason Bateman?

  Let's see it, Sean, and scream, you guys don't like cookies?

• 5:42Will Arnett?

  Once a week, he brings it up.

• 5:44Jason Bateman?

  There it is, the bagel.

• 5:46Speaker 04

  That's...

• 5:47Will Arnett?

  I don't know who ate the cookies.

• 5:49Sean Hayes?

  What'd you call it, the bagel?

• 5:50Jason Bateman?

  The bagel, yeah, squeeze the belly button together, make a circle.

• 5:52Sean Hayes?

  And, Adam, I, sometimes I say to my husband, I'll switch, I'll pucker this up, I'll go, fuck that belly, fuck that.

• 6:00Speaker 04

  That makes sense, it looks good.

• 6:03Jason Bateman?

  All right, so Adam.

• 6:04Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 6:05Jason Bateman?

  Do you have a plan, aside from pushing, um, like a bench press or something like that? What's your plan? Is it gonna be diet? Is it gonna be exercise?

• 6:13Speaker 04

  Well, this is what I'm doing, and I just kinda started this. So at the beginning of the pandemic, my buddy... I was doing the eight hours a day you eat thing, the intermittent fasting.

• 6:24Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, I do that too.

• 6:25Speaker 04

  So, so I was doing that during the pandemic, but I was starting eating at like five in the afternoon. So I was going deep into the night and, and then I'd wake up kind of thick. So then, uh, then I-

• 6:38Jason Bateman?

  You got some bad information.

• 6:40Speaker 04

  I thought, I said to him, anytime? And he said, yeah, you pick the hour. So I did it.

• 6:45Jason Bateman?

  He, he responded while chewing, I think.

• 6:48Speaker 04

  He looks great. But I, so anyways, I started again. Uh, I just, I'm trying to calm down and I'm doing one in the afternoon till around seven, 7:30, I quit.

• 7:00Jason Bateman?

  And then you're, then you're done chewing until the next morning or afternoon?

• 7:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, I try, until the next one o'clock rolls around.

• 7:07Jason Bateman?

  Oh buddy, that's so good.

• 7:09Speaker 04

  That's a good one, but I eat a lot during the six and a half hours.

• 7:12Will Arnett?

  It doesn't work for, it doesn't work for my body. It doesn't work for me. I tried doing that. I was on a strictly ice cream diet, but yeah.

• 7:21Jason Bateman?

  You gotta try it longer than a couple of days, Will, you know?

• 7:24Speaker 04

  What do you do, Will? You look good.

• 7:26Will Arnett?

  Well, thank you. I, I, cause like I said, I've been doing the walk and I've been working out and I've got this real kind of, what, what I refer to as my jailhouse gym in my garage now. Jason's seen it. It's a disaster, but-

• 7:36Speaker 04

  But there's weights and like homemade stuff you did?

• 7:39Will Arnett?

  Oh, there's weights and then there's like baby carriages and stuff. There's just crap everywhere. It really looks like a-

• 7:44Sean Hayes?

  I, I have a question, Adam. How long have you been flying a spacecraft?

• 7:49Speaker 04

  Oh, does that look like that?

• 7:50Will Arnett?

  It's like a control center.

• 7:51Speaker 04

  This is in my house, fellas. I just got to Philadelphia.

• 7:54Sean Hayes?

  Oh, wow.

• 7:55Jason Bateman?

  What are those? Why do you have, he's got some Nikes in a plastic box.

• 7:59Speaker 04

  Those are LeBron James shoes. The man who owns this house knows LeBron.

• 8:03Sean Hayes?

  Do you know the man in the house?

• 8:05Speaker 04

  I don't. I haven't met him yet. He's pandemic. So you rent it. He leaves.

• 8:09Sean Hayes?

  Oh, you're renting. I see. Wow.

• 8:11Speaker 04

  I just got here two days ago.

• 8:12Jason Bateman?

  But he's left those shoes there for people to admire that are renters?

• 8:16Speaker 04

  I think he was just letting me know that I'm not the only shoe guy.

• 8:20Will Arnett?

  Famous person that he knows.

• 8:22Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 8:23Will Arnett?

  Wait a second, wait a second. I, Adam, I have to ask you this because I've never brought it up. I've only met you a handful of times over the years. We don't know each other that well. I, I have a tremendous amount of respect for you and I think that you're awesome and hilarious.

• 8:35Speaker 04

  Same thing.

• 8:36Will Arnett?

  And I, I-

• 8:38Jason Bateman?

  Sounds like something really insulting is about to happen.

• 8:40Will Arnett?

  No, no, no, no. One of the, one of the funniest things I've ever witnessed, and I've, and I've quoted this a thousand times, maybe more, um, is years ago, you were on Letterman.

• 8:52Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 8:53Will Arnett?

  And he said to you, I didn't, tell me if you remember this, he said to you, you came on Letterman, you said, you know, Dave, I, he said, how you doing? You said, you know, I'm, I'm doing okay, but last year I said something and you said to me, what are you, an idiot? And you really burned me and I was thinking about it all year, just, I wish I'd had a better comeback. So I've been thinking, I finally have a good comeback. And he said, okay, and he said, so ask me again. So Letterman says to you, what are you, an idiot? And you said, no, are you? Do you remember that?

• 9:21Speaker 04

  I kinda do, yeah, yeah.

• 9:23Will Arnett?

  It was one of my fa- I just thought it was such a, it really got me. I, I'm not kidding, I've repeated it 1500 times.

• 9:30Speaker 04

  That's amazing. I used to get so nervous on Letterman. You guys, oh, did Letterman?

• 9:35Jason Bateman?

  Blackout, yeah, blackout nerves.

• 9:37Speaker 04

  That was the one guy that got you nervous. So, yeah, I get blackout.

• 9:40Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 9:41Will Arnett?

  Every talk show.

• 9:42Speaker 04

  Letterman, just from growing up in high school and sta- and thinking he was the best of them all.

• 9:46Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, for sure. So witty.

• 9:48Speaker 04

  I used to be on the side of that stage and Biff would like, oh, okay, okay, it's coming. And I'd start going, holy shit, like my whole head would spin and I'd feel like I was gonna faint the whole time walking out. And then you'd see Dave in person, you're like, oh my God, there he is. It was so-

• 10:03Will Arnett?

  Overwhelming.

• 10:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 10:05Jason Bateman?

  Now, does that exist for you at all anymore? I mean, you put yourself in the wings right now, about to go on for a talk show, like, tomorrow.

• 10:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:12Jason Bateman?

  Do you, like, you can't shake that. You, you, that's always gonna be a part of you, right? You ju- have you just learned how to manage it?

• 10:18Speaker 04

  Not that great. I, I, my whole career, from starting, I did stand up when I was 17 and stuff, and, and I had that same weird thing where I wish I never took the gig right before. I start paddicking and spinning, I forget all my lines. Uh, and I noticed everyone else was like laughing and having a good time. I'm like, oh my God, everyone else is ready. And, and then, uh, then rare occasions, I'll go to myself in the daytime, I'll go, don't do that, don't, don't do, do that. Thing where you panic, just just overcome that now, get over that.

• 10:50Sean Hayes?

  And then don't you question yourself like, why, why? Cause I I go through the exact same thing and I'm like, why are we, why do I, why did I choose this?

• 10:57Will Arnett?

  Yeah, we all wonder, we're always like, why did you choose this? Believe me, it comes up a lot.

• 11:03Speaker 04

  That's a good one.

• 11:05Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, stick around, Will's got like three of them.

• 11:07Will Arnett?

  No, but but but it's a good point like Adam, I I think what's cool is you actually kind of, sometimes you use your nerves, you can see it even in an instance like that, you use it to your advantage. And it makes you very accessible because you're not trying to put on, you're not a different character. As you are who you are, you're very authentic in that way, which is great. Like, yeah, you're fucking nervous because you're on Letterman, you you should be, I'm nervous.

• 11:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:31Sean Hayes?

  But you weren't, you weren't nervous for this bullshit today.

• 11:33Speaker 04

  I was nervous, sure I was. I mean, I I I liked it though. I listened to the episodes, they're all great.

• 11:39Will Arnett?

  Come on.

• 11:40Speaker 04

  It's excellent. And now I was psyched to be here and I and I, I don't know, this, I'm the same way as you guys. I'm the same way of every move you make, you go, didn't I already prove myself? Dude, why the hell am I trying to prove myself? What the fuck am I here for?

• 11:54Sean Hayes?

  Here we go again. Yeah, exactly.

• 11:56Speaker 04

  The only thing that can happen is it can go bad.

• 11:58Jason Bateman?

  You know, but that quality that Will's talking about that you have, that's so, it's so personable and it's so kind and so authentic and so honest and so human. Has it always been like that or or do you think that it's gotten even better? Now that you are incredibly successful and some of the ease has come into your life? Because you've basically won, have you gotten even nicer? Or, you know, like some people I'm sure you've worked with, as I have, people actually get mean and entitled when they get successful. You've actually seemed to have gone the other way.

• 12:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, you guys all seem the same also. It's like I had a, I think when I was young, I didn't know what I was doing as a comedian. I didn't know what I was doing as an actor. I was a little. Uh, all over the place. I think I was a little more aggressive back then because I, I guess I wanted this so bad. You know, I wanted to work or I wanted whatever the hell I wanted. And I, I probably was mad at myself uh for not being great. I was a little more aggressive in my early twenties and, and then I started going, uh, by the time I was like twenty eight, thirty, I started calming down and being able to just relax a little more, but it took a while. Like Colin, you guys know Colin Quinn, right?

• 13:12Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 13:12Speaker 04

  Comedian.

• 13:13Sean Hayes?

  Hilarious.

• 13:13Speaker 04

  I think he's one of the greatest comedians and, and um, he kinda, when I went to NYU, used to emcee the shows and he would talk to me after my, my shows. Cause I think the reason they used to hire me is I used to bring a crowd. So they, even though I wasn't that good, there was this place called The Paper Moon and I used to bring a crowd. So they used to uh, from NYU. Colin used to say, you, you're so much funnier hanging out when, when we're talking in the daytime. You just, you're doing something weird up to you. You're not really being yourself. And I, and I, and I used to try to go, okay, I gotta be more myself. And then I would just panic right away and start doing something else.

• 13:51Speaker 04

  I just didn't, I guess I, I wasn't comfortable with being myself. And then it took a while to get to sit in it and just be okay with not getting a laugh and, and but plowing through and that kind of stuff.

• 14:03Sean Hayes?

  What, what, did you go to NYU for drama or for acting or?

• 14:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. I went to Strasburg.

• 14:09Jason Bateman?

  Same.

• 14:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:10Sean Hayes?

  Okay. So I have a godson who's also going to New York right now to Tisch. And he not only has to go through drama classes and comedy and all that stuff, but he, he has to go through musical theater classes. And so when I saw you do Opera Man for the first time, which is one of the funniest characters I've ever seen, I was like, holy shit, Adam Sandler can really sing. And then you would bring out the guitar and sing like, it's always hilarious. So please tell me you did musical theater in college because in my mind, that would be one of the funniest things in the world.

• 14:35Speaker 04

  Man, I, I auditioned for everything at NYU. I didn't get anything.

• 14:39Sean Hayes?

  You didn't?

• 14:40Jason Bateman?

  Oh, I wanna see you do Technicolor Dreamcoat.

• 14:43Sean Hayes?

  Or something.

• 14:45Speaker 04

  I did as a kid though, I was in Oliver. I was in Oliver. I did, uh, I played, uh, they named a guy. I didn't really, there wasn't really, I had two lines and they said, you're, I think Charlie Bates. They said, you're Charlie Bates. And I was like, yeah, I'm Charlie Bates. I kinda wanted to be the Dodger, right? And they were like, well, you're not him. You're Charlie Bates.

• 15:04Jason Bateman?

  Oh God, you'd be a great Dodger.

• 15:06Speaker 04

  I thought so too.

• 15:08Will Arnett?

  You got a pick and pocketer too, right?

• 15:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:12Jason Bateman?

  How about, uh, Smitty on The Cosby Show? Was that your first, that's not your first role?

• 15:19Speaker 04

  My first thing I ever did was showtime at the Apollo. I did stand up. I did, um, five minutes, yeah, and I, and I wasn't, wasn't that great, but I got, I-

• 15:28Sean Hayes?

  Tell me like the first, first joke you ever told, or, and if you'd like, I could tell you mine.

• 15:34Speaker 04

  Okay, well, the one that worked for me back then, uh, was, it was something I heard my father say to my mother, uh, but I, and I used it, I pretended it happened to me. I said I was driving up here in a cab, and the driver killed a dog on the way. I said he didn't hit the dog with the car, he got out and stabbed it. That was my big, that was my guaranteed laugh. And that happened because my mother, my mother was, they were in the car, and my mother goes, "The man, uh, uh, my father said, 'This guy killed a dog, uh, driving the other day.'" My mother goes, "What happened? He hit it?" And he goes, "No, he, he stabbed at you." And so I went, "Oh, God." That's a pretty good one. What's yours, Sean?

• 16:15Sean Hayes?

  Oh, I was terrible. I was nowhere near as talented or funny as you are. I was horrible. These guys know the one that I won't repeat, but the other one was, um, and it's long, so you can't, it's like, it's like 20 seconds long. Okay, so, which is long for a joke. So I would go, you know, uh, they say on Mars, the atmosphere is like 95% carbon dioxide and 5% oxygen. So I imagine one day when we live there, we'll breathe something like this.

• 16:48Jason Bateman?

  And they didn't laugh at that?

• 16:49Sean Hayes?

  They, nobody laughed. I, I laughed crying. I laughed crying.

• 16:51Speaker 04

  That's solid.

• 16:53Will Arnett?

  Did you hold your finger up when you did it?

• 16:56Will Arnett?

  I like that.

• 16:56Speaker 04

  That's a good one.

• 16:58Jason Bateman?

  Adam, what about this, uh, discovered by comedian Dennis Miller thing? Did that happen at the Apollo? I can't imagine.

• 17:04Speaker 04

  Uh, you know what? It was, so I did stand up when I went to NYU. And then Dennis didn't really discover me. He just told Lorne Michaels about me. He said, "There's a young kid who's funny." But when I was- Young, I went to school with Anthony Quinn's son, Lorenzo. He, he was in my acting class and he told Bill Cosby about me. And

• 17:28Jason Bateman?

  Wow.

• 17:28Speaker 04

  I got an introduction to the casting agent over there, who, whose name was Barry Moss. Do you guys remember Barry Moss?

• 17:34Jason Bateman?

  I feel like

• 17:35Speaker 04

  He used to cast a lot of stuff back in the day. Right? So he, he got me an audition and I played Smitty on four episodes while I was going to NYU. That was my, my first

• 17:46Jason Bateman?

  And that was big, probably. I mean, Cosby Show was enormous.

• 17:50Will Arnett?

  It was the biggest show on the planet.

• 17:52Speaker 04

  It was incredible. And that's where I developed the whole spinning thing right before going on. I was, I was spinning like, oh my God, I got six lives. I'm gonna choke so badly. And, uh, I don't know. I became friends with Malcolm though. He used to calm me down. He'd be like, you got this, man.

• 18:10Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, he's such a good guy.

• 18:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 18:12Will Arnett?

  Wow. So then how long after that did SNL happen? How old were you when that happened?

• 18:17Speaker 04

  SNL, uh, happened when I was 23. I moved out to, uh, I graduated NYU and then I moved to LA and, and I was living out in, in Van Nuys. And then, uh,

• 18:29Jason Bateman?

  Gorgeous.

• 18:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, yes.

• 18:31Jason Bateman?

  Right on the water.

• 18:31Speaker 04

  Beautiful. And I, I lived with four guys from, uh, from, uh, NYU also. And then, um, somehow I got Saturday Night Live and moved back.

• 18:44Will Arnett?

  Well, did you go and audition in LA? Did Lauren come up?

• 18:46Speaker 04

  Chicago, Chicago. I, when I auditioned, it was me and Chris Rock and Dana Gould and a couple of other guys.

• 18:54Jason Bateman?

  At Second City or?

• 18:56Speaker 04

  At, at the Chicago Improv.

• 18:58Jason Bateman?

  Oh, at Chicago Improv, okay.

• 18:59Speaker 04

  Yeah. And, and then I remember Lauren was there and Smigel, Robert Smigel was there.

• 19:04Jason Bateman?

  Hilarious.

• 19:05Speaker 04

  And Marcy Klein, a couple of others. And Chris Rock got it immediately after, after the show. And me and Rock know each other since we're like 17 also. And, and so I saw Lauren run over to Rock and I was like, oh man, okay. He's got it. I'm out. And, uh, and then I, I was flying home and no one talked to me and I was flying home. Remember on the planes you used to put a credit card in, it was like twenty five bucks a minute and stuff.

• 19:31Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 19:32Speaker 04

  Right, so I I was scared to use that because I I I knew my fa- father would kill me for wasting money. But I was just flying and flying and I was like, I gotta call my agent, man. So I put the credit card in and and he called and I said, did they say anything? They liked you, they thought you, some of your writing was good. I said, oh, okay. And what's that mean? They were like, well, they want, maybe want you as a writer. And I said, what do you mean? I I I I think I was like insane and I was like, I want to be a, but I want to be a star. And they were like.

• 20:07Jason Bateman?

  I love the guy next to you on the plane, probably. It's just like, oh, boy.

• 20:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, this guy wants to be a star.

• 20:12Sean Hayes?

  Because you can't talk quietly on a plane. But I want to be a star.

• 20:17Will Arnett?

  Get in line, buddy. Get in line. We all do.

• 20:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, man, I don't know. So eventually I got got hired as a writer.

• 20:25Jason Bateman?

  A writer for what, like a year and then and then on camera?

• 20:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, I did. It was thing called Writer Feature Player and and and and me and Spade and Schneider had that. And and you would do the, I'm sure you you you guys all know this stuff, but you would write, write for everyone else and then give yourself a line like as a delivery guy and try to get on and score and, you know, and you'd score. After ten shows, they started going, all right, that guy's okay. Let's let's give him a couple of ones.

• 20:55Jason Bateman?

  Right, gotcha.

• 20:55Will Arnett?

  You used to see that a lot with JB Smoove. He would he would always write himself into sketches.

• 20:59Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 21:00Will Arnett?

  Always see JB on there. You'd be like, oh, yeah.

• 21:02Speaker 04

  JB.

• 21:03Will Arnett?

  But how cool, you you go for your your audition and it's there with Lorne and Marcy, of course, and Smigel. And you couldn't have known, of course, that that would become this like lifelong partnership.

• 21:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:17Will Arnett?

  I mean, how incredible, how wild, right? When you looked back at that moment.

• 21:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, sure, man. I mean, Smigel was, in fact, I heard later that Smigel was kind of in my court, that he was going, that that one kid was funny. He I I think we need that on the show, somebody young. And they were like, well, we already have David and Rob. We don't need any more of that. And so Smigel and Jim Downey, I heard would would stand stand out for me a little bit. And Lauren liked me. He thought I was good. He just didn't know what to do with me. I was I I wasn't easy to digest. I was mumbling up there and I was a nervous wreck and I was hostile. Like, I used to be, when somebody heckled me, I used to like yell at them and not say anything funny.

• 22:00Jason Bateman?

  No one is funnier getting pissed off than you.

• 22:02Speaker 04

  Oh, well, I I I turned it into something good, but in the beginning, I used to just be psychotic and get like, challenge people to something like curse at them and.

• 22:13Jason Bateman?

  See the way he just dropped his face right then? It just got like deadly fucking serious. I love like there there's just there's no middle with you like he's either super sweet and like, I can't get out of my way. And then just drop the gloves and I'm gonna fucking kill you. I love those swings.

• 22:29Speaker 04

  I don't even know how that happened. I just because I don't want to fight anybody. I'd get I'd probably get killed. But I was always ready to go.

• 22:38Sean Hayes?

  Have you been in a lot of fights as a kid or?

• 22:40Speaker 04

  When I was a kid, when I was a kid, now I would literally just run so fast. Anytime I feel it coming, I start my heart pounding through my chest and I'm like, oh shit, I gotta get out of here. But back then, I back as a kid, yeah, I I'm sure you guys did the same.

• 22:56Jason Bateman?

  It doesn't hurt as much to get hit when you're little.

• 22:59Will Arnett?

  I like the idea that Lauren's going like, hmm, I guess we could use a nervous mumbling.

• 23:07Jason Bateman?

  Now, what about is it true that they fired you and Farley in 95? Or is that overstated?

• 23:12Speaker 04

  No, I mean, I what happened was it was kind of the end of it. People, we were repeating ourselves, I'm sure. There was a new guy running NBC. He didn't. He didn't like the young guys that much. He didn't like us. I think he didn't like Norm McDonald. And and he kept saying, we gotta get rid of them, that nobody likes them. And Lauren was standing up for us, saying, trying to defend us and kept us on a while. And then I got a call from my manager, you know, everyone at Brillstein Gray kind of represented. Guy on the show and and woman on the show. So I I got, hey, maybe it's time to move on to me kind of call. And I was like, I don't know, man.

• 23:55Speaker 04

  I I think maybe I'll do another year or something. They were like, yeah, but maybe you should move on. I was like, nah, I want to stay. I think I'll stay. They kept going, I think it's time to move on. I was like, do I have to move on? They were like, it's good if you move on. I was like, OK, OK, now I got you. All right, I'm moving on then. So it was kind of like a fake quit, fake try to get a beat them.

• 24:16Jason Bateman?

  Right.

• 24:17Speaker 04

  To fire me.

• 24:17Will Arnett?

  That was like me in every high school I went to.

• 24:21Will Arnett?

  I swear to God.

• 24:22Speaker 04

  Really?

• 24:22Will Arnett?

  You got kicked out? I'm like, no, I didn't get kicked out. We just they just asked me not to return.

• 24:27Speaker 04

  What did you do to get in trouble growing up?

• 24:30Will Arnett?

  I did all the stupid stuff. I was, you know, smoking cigarettes in the. I grew up in Canada, so there are a lot of woods to escape to.

• 24:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:37Will Arnett?

  So I was always out there like, you know, drinking airplane bottles and and smoking butts. And all this. I was just but also I was I was a wise ass. I was like, I said to my dad, actually, once, I was such a wise ass. And of course, the worse the infraction or the bigger the joke that you can make, and especially at the teacher's expense, the bigger the laugh you'd get from the audience, or as I'd call my classmates. And so I would fuck around and they'd get really mad. And years later, I remember my dad was was out here and and I just built this house. And it was like everything. And my dad was like, wow, this house is beautiful. And I said, yeah, who knew that fucking around could pay off, huh? And he finally had to admit like, yeah, you're kind of right. Because I was a pain in the ass. You know what I mean?

• 25:22Will Arnett?

  Like, my poor dad.

• 25:23Speaker 04

  Ah, sure, sure, man.

• 25:25Jason Bateman?

  Figure out how to channel it.

• 25:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:28Sean Hayes?

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• 26:13Sean Hayes?

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• 26:22Sean Hayes?

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• 27:05Sean Hayes?

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• 27:27Sean Hayes?

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• 28:08Sean Hayes?

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• 28:52Sean Hayes?

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• 29:17Jason Bateman?

  All right, so then were things sort of set up in a way where transitioning out of that show and into other possible sources of employment were kind of set up? Like, were you feeling confident?

• 29:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:30Jason Bateman?

  Did you go right into, was it Happy Gilmore was first out of there?

• 29:34Speaker 04

  I think I did Billy Madison when I was on the show. By the way, when I got fired, I was confident until I got fired. And then I was like, oh, no.

• 29:42Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, that's the way that works.

• 29:43Speaker 04

  Right? I kept, while I was there, going, these guys don't get it what I got, man. They don't understand. And then, right when they were like, yeah, go do it on your own, then I was like, holy shit. First of all, you humiliated that people don't want you, and you got to tell people like, yeah, I'm not on the show. And they're looking you in the eyes going, you got fired? And you're like, no. You know, you're making up shit.

• 30:07Jason Bateman?

  But it's like, doing what we do, you're effectively getting fired at the end of every single job. You have to go find another job. And if you're having a really good year... Here as an actor, you get fired like six or seven times. You know, like you've got six or seven and you have like, there's no guarantee. There's no diploma that you can kind of.

• 30:25Speaker 04

  That's true, man.

• 30:25Jason Bateman?

  It's job interview after job interview and it's, it's, I remember buying the attitude that I realized I should have been renting. When, you know, things kind of dried up and I was really confident until they just didn't want me anymore. And it's like, well, now you got to build up a whole ego and, and, and, and coping mechanism to get yourself confident. That's not reliant on employment. That's really hard to do.

• 30:47Speaker 04

  Oh God, yes. Sitting the bench and, and being shook up. I'll tell you, no, no kidding. I loved you when I was a kid. I thought you were incredible. I swear to God, I thought you were cool as shit. You guys too?

• 30:59Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 31:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. I wanted to look like you. I wanted to fucking be like cool and calm and funny like that. And, and I always thought you were awesome. I'm not lying to you. And I loved your sister too.

• 31:11Jason Bateman?

  Thank you.

• 31:12Will Arnett?

  Do you remember Jason's show? He had that show, It's Your Move. Did you ever see that? It was like a spin off of Silver Spoons.

• 31:17Speaker 04

  I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think so. But I think I, I knew more, more as Val, uh, than.

• 31:24Jason Bateman?

  The Hogan family was after that or Valerie. Yeah, yeah.

• 31:26Will Arnett?

  Yeah. When Jason, when Jason got his star on the, on the walk of fame out here in Hollywood, cause he's a big Hollywood guy. And, and so when he was in Hollywood, we're worried because he's a liberal elite. And, and so anyways, so I get up and they asked me, he asked me to say a couple of words. And I said, you know, when I was growing up, I remember watching Family Ties and seeing Justine Bateman and thinking, man, I wonder if she's got a brother.

• 31:51Speaker 04

  That's a good one, man.

• 31:53Will Arnett?

  But I loved him. I, we felt the same way. This comes up all the time. We used to always look at Jason and be like, oh man, that guy's. Cause he was a smart ass. He was confident. He had great hair.

• 32:02Jason Bateman?

  Oh, I was so confident. I thought I was such hot shit and then the phone stopped ringing. I did not know what to do. My twenties was a whole regroup. I just had to build it back up from zero.

• 32:15Sean Hayes?

  Jason and I had lunch like decades ago at the Chateau Marmont, which houses the liberal elite.

• 32:20Jason Bateman?

  That's right.

• 32:21Sean Hayes?

  And Jason said to me, I don't know if you remember this, Jason, you said to me, we were just talking about careers and whatever. The ups and downs and you said, none of it is up to you. None of this is up to you.

• 32:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:33Sean Hayes?

  To try and control things that are out of your control.

• 32:37Jason Bateman?

  It's not a meritocracy, you know, like in sports, like if you're a 300 hitter, you're guaranteed employment.

• 32:42Speaker 04

  That's true.

• 32:43Jason Bateman?

  In acting or any form of, pardon the term, art. It's so subjective. You can't, you can't rely on, well, I'm the best at singing or the best at painting, or it doesn't matter, the best in whose eye, you know?

• 32:56Will Arnett?

  And then, so Adam, so kind of taking that, like, one of the things that I think is really awesome about what you've, you've done, you've had incredible success. But is, is, you know, I, I've tried to, especially in the last couple of years, I don't want my work to define who I am as a person or how happy I am. It's about family. I know you're a really big family guy.

• 33:15Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 33:16Will Arnett?

  You've got a lot of really close friends.

• 33:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:18Will Arnett?

  And even in your work, you do stuff that you want to do and you do stuff because you know it's going to take time and that you know that it's, you know, it cuts into school and all that kind of stuff. And it feels like you gear everything towards making it fit your life and making sure that you're happy, your happiness. You're truly not a Hollywood guy. I can say that. And, and you don't define yourself by it, right?

• 33:42Speaker 04

  I kind of, you know, I lucked into having the, the career of getting to write stuff and get to do it. And not everybody has that luxury. I'm sure more people would do what I'm doing if they could just, you know, just say to the head of a company, hey, let me do it in October because it's, you know, I got a lot of luck on my side.

• 34:02Jason Bateman?

  Right. But you earned that position. You really have.

• 34:05Speaker 04

  I got that after a while, after a while.

• 34:07Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, let me, let me really quick ask you something about that and then back to what Will was saying, because when you were younger and you broke into film for the first time and how much of that success was like, you know, agent business driven and you were just along for the ride? And how much of it was self-generated and kind of ambitiously coming directly from you?

• 34:25Speaker 04

  I was ambitious in a weird way. I just, I always kind of got in the beginning, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe, maybe next time they would hire somebody else when I would do auditions and stuff. Stuff I I I remember auditioning for a few movies as a kid. And when I when I was like twenty one, twenty two, and they'd always pick somebody else. And I was like, God damn, these guys don't get it, man. And I was such an asshole, you know, and whoever they picked, I would be like, oh, yeah, okay, man. Like, I was hostile up there. What a mistake. And then I I I wrote Billy Madison with Tim Hurley.

• 35:06Speaker 04

  And when we were on Saturday Night Live and I gave it to to Lorne and Lorne was already doing Tommy Boy with Chris. And so. Funny movie. Oh, yeah, that's awesome. And he's he was it was the first time me and Chris had an either or kind of thing. And Lauren said, we're doing Tommy Boy. We can't do Billy Madison. Actually, Tommy Boy used to be called Billy the Third. It was two Billy movies. Yeah, they were like two, the two Billy movies. And we would look at each other like, who's he gonna pick? And they and they picked, you know, Tommy Boy and and I was going, oh, man. Oh, man, I guess that's done. We'll write another one, Hurley. And then, like, I was in this movie called Airheads.

• 35:51Speaker 04

  And the producer of that one called me like five months later. He's like, I read this script you and Hurley wrote called Billy Madison. Do you want to do that? And I said, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why? What do you mean? He's like, I could get that done for you for like six million dollar budget. I was like, I was like, I get six million dollars? He goes, no, not not you. I didn't know what any of that shit meant. But but he got it fucking. He did Problem Child at Universal, which was a low budget movie and made a lot of money. So they said, get some more of those kind of things. So somehow Bob Simon's got this movie. I I asked Lauren, I said, that movie you said I

• 36:31Speaker 04

  you didn't want to do. Is it okay if I do it with this other guy? He's like, do anything you want. So I I did Billy Madison. And then that kind of got me going. I mean, I remember when I first did that, everything that they talked to me about doing after that was doing my goofy voice and and being very, you know, the same Billy Madison again. And then I had that Happy Gilmore thing that me and Hurley he wrote. And they were trying to talk me out of that. They were saying, there was a movie called Ed with the monkey, you know? No, no, that's Ed TV. It's the one with Matt, Matt, Matt LeBlanc. And and they wanted with the monkey. And they were like, do that. That's more like Billy Madison.

• 37:15Speaker 04

  I said, I think, let me do, I'll do that one after I do the golf one. Is that OK? They were like, no. And so I had to make a stand and say, no, no, no, we got to do this Happy Gilmore movie.

• 37:28Sean Hayes?

  By the way, two of the funniest movies ever.

• 37:31Jason Bateman?

  No kidding.

• 37:31Sean Hayes?

  Hugely successful.

• 37:32Speaker 04

  Ah, thanks. I mean, they're good. I'm psyched that that's in my.

• 37:38Sean Hayes?

  They go down in history as with all the other great comedy movies.

• 37:41Speaker 04

  Ah, thank you.

• 37:42Sean Hayes?

  It's kind of cool.

• 37:42Jason Bateman?

  But then the success was so, one after the other, after the other. Was there, was, was there a strategic consideration when Punch Drunk Love came about? Was, or was that more of a, did, did Paul Thomas Anderson come to you? And only in hindsight, do you see it as a great strategic sort of balancing thing, offsetting the goofiness? Or did you think ahead and kind of seek out something that might counterbalance all that?

• 38:09Speaker 04

  That was all luck. I mean, in my head, Will, you, you did Strasberg, right? So I, I, I, I, I thought I was good at acting. I was like, wow, I'm going to surprise somebody someday and really act. But it wasn't on, on my mind. I kind of liked Eddie Murphy and I wanted that kind of career and I just wanted to be a comedian. And then I was doing, I think, Little Nicky or something like that. Or, yeah, something like that. And, and Paul was friends with Tom Cruise. They did Magnolia together. And I, I met Tom Cruise when Nicole Kidman hosted SNL. You know how you get to meet everybody because SNL?

• 38:49Speaker 04

  So I met Cruise and I, my God, I, Cruise had a Yankee hat on, like dipped down low. And he looked up and he goes, hey, man. I was like in love with him, like, oh, my God, I'm in love with Tom Cruise.

• 39:03Speaker 04

  That makes two of us. Of course. Anyways, Tom called me up. I'm on my set. He goes, hey, my friend, I'm doing a movie with my friend Paul. He's a great director and he's interested in doing a movie with you. Can I put him on the phone? Wow. And I said, yeah, yeah, sure, man. And he gets on and Paul was very nice and he was going, hey, I loved Billy Madison. And I go, okay, man, thanks. I didn't know who he was. And he's like, and I just love your movies and your albums. And I was like, okay, cool, man. Okay, creep. Yeah. I didn't know what he was talking about. And he's like, he goes, is it okay if I write you a movie? I said, you can do whatever you want, man. That's, that's great. Just stay away from my house.

• 39:50Speaker 04

  But he was, he was sweet. I can tell he was funny, but.

• 39:53Will Arnett?

  That's like Picasso saying, is it okay if I paint you a painting?

• 39:56Speaker 04

  I know, man. I know. It was the luckiest thing. And then, and honest to God, fellas, I, I was, it was like 11 o'clock in the morning and I had nothing to do. And Magnolia just came out and I said, I think that's a kid's movie. Wow. Paul, I'm gonna go see that. And I went alone and I was in the front row. It was sold out with all real film kind of people. And I was looking up at it and I was going, I was fucking terrified. I was like, oh, this guy's fucking better than me, man. I don't want to fucking be in this. This, I'm gonna ruin his movie, whatever the fuck, you know, I was trying, holy shit. And, and I called him up and on the way home, I was like, holy shit, I just saw your movie. He's like, yeah, yeah.

• 40:40Speaker 04

  I was like, fucking the frogs and the, holy shit. I was so excited about everybody. And I was like, oh, fuck, man. So you're writing that movie, man? He goes, yeah, yeah, I'm almost done. I'm gonna get it over to you. I was like, well, when the fuck is that coming? You know, I started to get very excited. Wow. And then he, he, he did it so cool, man. I lived in this, this, I rented a house on the top of Bel Air Road with my buddies and he came up. And he knocked on the door and he's like, I got the script. And I said, here's my present to you. And I go, oh, okay. He goes, go ahead and read it and tell me what you think. I go, you gonna stay here? He goes, no, I'm gonna go for a drive or something like that.

• 41:22Speaker 04

  And I just sat in the other room and I read it and I was like, oh, my God, man. I don't know if I can fucking do this.

• 41:27Will Arnett?

  There's no way.

• 41:29Jason Bateman?

  And so he comes back after his drive and you what? You got a bunch of notes, right? You're like, great, a couple things, Paul.

• 41:35Will Arnett?

  Exactly. It's all marked up. It's a move this.

• 41:40Speaker 04

  That's true. No, I was fucking scared like, like, you know, when you get something and you just go, oh, jeez, man. I always said I could do this ship and this is too much, man. And he talked me through it and got me comfortable.

• 41:53Jason Bateman?

  He's incredible, though. I mean, he's, his taste is just unreal. I mean, I love that he's a huge comedy nerd, too, apparently.

• 42:01Speaker 04

  Oh, man, yeah.

• 42:02Jason Bateman?

  And that he can see the amount of acting it takes for you to pull off believably what you do. Um, is, uh, you know, right in line with his, with his taste and his abilities. And I just, I'm such a big fan of his. And then the Safdie brothers, um, you know, I mean, Uncut Gems is just absolutely stunning. I don't mean to jump ahead, but.

• 42:23Speaker 04

  They had fun at talking, Benny and you talking at Aniston's was a great night.

• 42:27Jason Bateman?

  Oh, I just, I'm crazy about those guys as well. And I love the two of my favorite filmmakers. Well, that would be three. Um, I put you as a lead in their films and I, I hope that you take as much pride in that as you deserve.

• 42:38Speaker 04

  Absolutely.

• 42:39Will Arnett?

  That was an incredible performance, man. It really was. It was, it was, oh, it was so nuanced and deep and this guy, like, it was.

• 42:46Speaker 04

  You, you guys, you know, honestly, you could do it. You guys could do it, too. I know you're all great. All three of you guys are great actors and funny as shit and.

• 42:54Jason Bateman?

  Who's better?

• 42:56Sean Hayes?

  Is there one that's better?

• 42:57Speaker 04

  You're number one, Sean.

• 42:58Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, okay.

• 42:59Speaker 04

  They know that.

• 43:00Jason Bateman?

  We're fighting for the silver over here.

• 43:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, you don't need to. You're both solid. But Sean's number one.

• 43:06Jason Bateman?

  So the, I would imagine that you, um, you, you love the, uh, the creative process of doing a drama, um, and also the process of doing a comedy. I'm not going to ask you which is your favorite, but what would be your ideal ratio between comedy and drama? And like, kind of like fun films with your friends versus kind of working for a director?

• 43:28Speaker 04

  I'm starting to get a lot of, uh, serious kind of offers and, and I love reading that stuff and I, but it is more of a decision in my brain. I'm like, shit, once I say yes to that, then I'm, it's fucking, it's a whole other thing in your trailer and you're fucking rocked and you gotta think into shit that makes you uncomfortable and

• 43:49Jason Bateman?

  Right.

• 43:50Speaker 04

  It's slightly humiliating out there in front of people doing some of the shit they want you to do and

• 43:54Jason Bateman?

  Right, right.

• 43:55Speaker 04

  And, uh, and so it's a decision, but I like it. I want, I want to do that stuff. But I also love doing the comedy shit and the fact that, you know, I just did it, the probably the goofiest movie I've done in a long time. That, you know, shit I would have done when I was 23 and, but I still, I'm still happy doing it.

• 44:14Sean Hayes?

  Hubie, Hubie Halloween.

• 44:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 44:17Will Arnett?

  What is it? What is, I don't know anything about it.

• 44:18Sean Hayes?

  It's on Netflix, right?

• 44:20Speaker 04

  It's coming out on Netflix, uh, and it's a Halloween movie and it's all comedians and all, it's like a

• 44:28Jason Bateman?

  And our kids will love it, yeah?

• 44:29Speaker 04

  And my, and the kids, I do that because I get excited for kids to laugh and stuff like that. And shit I've been doing my whole career and I still love that stuff.

• 44:38Jason Bateman?

  But being able to do both, I mean, good God, you can make, you know, an eight-year-old laugh and you can make, you know, a 70-year-old cry. I mean, it like, come on, like not a lot of people can do that at all.

• 44:50Speaker 04

  Thank you. I'm lucky. Yeah, yeah.

• 44:52Sean Hayes?

  Adam, you said, I read somewhere a long time ago, you said, I'll, I'll do this for as long as they let me?

• 44:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:58Sean Hayes?

  And they, I love that. And they keep letting you because you're incredible and talented and likeable and winning. And is there a time when you actually tell them that you're done or you're still having the time of your life? Like what, what else? Cause you work more than anybody. Like you never stop working.

• 45:15Speaker 04

  I, I, I, I I don't know when I'm gonna stop. I look at like, you know, I know Dustin and I know Nicholson and Pacino and those guys and those guys, they're addicted to work too. I mean, I had lunch with Pacino and he still gets excited about shit and he's just, I read this amazing script and he still wants to kick ass and I kinda think I could stop and then I, when I'm starting like this pandemic, man, with not working, holy shit, was I losing my mind and fucking every day becomes the same jumpy shit and my fucking family certainly wanted me to work. They were like, Jesus Christ, he's fucking insane, get him out of here.

• 46:00Jason Bateman?

  I heard you were out on the golf course a little.

• 46:01Will Arnett?

  Yeah, we heard, we heard from a friend that.

• 46:03Speaker 04

  Oh, I hit into you, buddy?

• 46:05Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 46:06Speaker 04

  Who's your buddy that I almost hit, by the way?

• 46:08Will Arnett?

  Tom Warner.

• 46:09Speaker 04

  Tell Tommy I'm sorry.

• 46:10Will Arnett?

  Okay.

• 46:12Sean Hayes?

  Let's talk about the Idaho Effect. It's a feeling you get hiking the Sawtooth Mountains at sunrise, or mountain biking on hero dirt at Silver Mountain Resort, leaving you craving more. It's a feeling where the freedom to roam is real, and it's found in Idaho. Idaho might just be the last authentic place in the West. Once you have this feeling, one that stays with you long after returning home, that's the Idaho Effect. Plan your Idaho vacation at visitidaho.org.

• 46:51Sean Hayes?

  Instagram teen accounts have automatic protections on by default. Built-in content settings for the content teens can see, contact limits for who can contact them, and time management tools like daily time limits and sleep mode. Teens are automatically placed into teen accounts, and teens under 16 will need a parent's permission to change any of these settings to be less strict. Instagram will continue adding built-in safety features to help create age-appropriate experiences. Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts.

• 47:34Sean Hayes?

  Can we talk about something embarrassing besides the sound of my voice? Imagine you're at lunch. The server brings a Coca-Cola Zero Sugar while the food is still on the way. You think, just a sip while I wait for my chili dog. So you take that sip, but suddenly you can't stop drinking that delicious ice cold Coke Zero. The food arrives and you're just sitting there emotionally unprepared, waiting for a lifesaving refill. Real Coca-Cola taste with zero sugar? It's hard to resist. Coca-Cola Zero Sugar, too good to wait. Enjoy the delicious taste of Coca-Cola Zero Sugar today.

• 48:14Jason Bateman?

  Are you a big golfer? Because I'm finding that that is keeping me off the streets a little bit during this pandemic.

• 48:20Speaker 04

  You've been playing a lot?

• 48:21Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 48:21Speaker 04

  Well, you know, I met you a long time ago, like 20 years ago. You were friends with Brill.

• 48:27Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 48:28Speaker 04

  I think back then. And I was at a party and I saw something that they interviewed you on like a show and you had a, you golfed on it and I saw you at the thing. I said, dude, I just saw you did. You got a great swing. And you're kind of like, okay, okay. And that was it. But I remember going, oh, that fucking guy knows how to golf.

• 48:48Will Arnett?

  He's got a great swing.

• 48:50Speaker 04

  He does have a great swing.

• 48:50Jason Bateman?

  I didn't have a career at that point.

• 48:52Will Arnett?

  He's got a, he's got a great swing. We, we both taken it up in the last couple of weeks. We've been a little irritating to our significant others.

• 48:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's a long day, golf day, right?

• 49:02Jason Bateman?

  Are you addicted to it or is it just so that you just kind of slap around?

• 49:05Speaker 04

  No, I'll tell you, buddy, what happened was I'm a member of Riviera and I fucking live right, right down the street. So, so I, I haven't golfed since I've had kids. I don't golf that much, just like you're saying, Will. And because of the whole five hours away and the, the stare you get when you get home of like, are you fucking kidding me?

• 49:25Jason Bateman?

  While they're in school, we got to pass while they're in school, right?

• 49:28Speaker 04

  That's right. That's supposed to be it, but I get, I still get nervous leaving the house and coming back to a fucking whole other mood. So.

• 49:36Sean Hayes?

  I, I know what you guys are talking about because. When I make banana bread, I'm like, do I, do I pull it out at the right, like, when is the, do I leave it in five, another five minutes? Do I not? It's crazy.

• 49:48Jason Bateman?

  Just like it. Well, listen, I know you must feel guilty about paying all those dues over there at Riviera and not using the course. So Will and I want to help you out. Just kind of getting a little bit more active out there. So you just let us know.

• 50:00Speaker 04

  You guys are playing real well though, like in the eighties or seventies?

• 50:02Jason Bateman?

  No, well.

• 50:03Will Arnett?

  He is, I'm playing like shit, but Jason's game is getting together. But what we've been doing is we've been calling guys that we know who we know belong places because we don't.

• 50:12Jason Bateman?

  That's where you come in.

• 50:13Will Arnett?

  Hey, you playing these days? And then they go, yeah. And we go, well, Jason, we're, we're available on Wednesday.

• 50:19Jason Bateman?

  Willing to keep you company.

• 50:20Sean Hayes?

  Wow, man. Adam, I'm always such like, I, I always ask funny parents this, like Will and Jason are two of the funniest people I know. They always make me laugh so hard. And we've always talked about, do their kids find them funny? Do your kids, and you're obviously fucking hilarious. Do your kids find you funny or not at all? Or like, do they get your sense of comedy? Do they watch your funny movies, you know?

• 50:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I, I'm pretty good at home. They, I'm happy when I make them laugh because when I'm asking them to practice something or that kind of guy, they like, they don't like him, but they like to funny me. They get, they, I do pretty good.

• 50:58Sean Hayes?

  Oh, good.

• 50:58Speaker 04

  I make, I make them comfortable. And then I, I definitely try to be funny a lot and try to get laughs. I don't always, always score like, I try to take them out of their moves. I think growing up, that, that was my move too. When I felt my father about to fucking go nuts on me, of course I said a few jokes to lighten them up. I think I do that with the kids too. When I see him upset about something, I go to the jokes. Do you guys do that?

• 51:22Will Arnett?

  A hundred percent.

• 51:22Jason Bateman?

  Adam, who's the disciplinarian then? If you, if you make them laugh, everyone's, I mean, is Jackie the one that's laying down the law? Or do you do both?

• 51:29Speaker 04

  I heard you guys talking about this. You're lighter than Amanda, right?

• 51:32Jason Bateman?

  I'm lighter, but it's, I, I would imagine you might be similar to me where you're super, you're, you're the, you're the class clown. You're the joker, but then you can swing all the way to the other side and really get serious if you need to. And there's really nothing in between.

• 51:46Speaker 04

  Oh, I, yeah, I think I get really fucking nuts when they just have scared eyes at me when I'm like, no, you have to know this. Right when I start raising my voice.

• 51:56Jason Bateman?

  That Jackie would not do, like Amanda would not do that. She covers the whole middle ground and I'm like the bookends.

• 52:02Speaker 04

  Jackie cuts me off in the middle of that too and starts going.

• 52:06Will Arnett?

  She takes a weapon out of your hand, right?

• 52:07Speaker 04

  You gotta, yeah, she's like, they can't understand.

• 52:11Speaker 04

  The weapon, I guess, is my fucking loud.

• 52:13Will Arnett?

  Right.

• 52:14Speaker 04

  You know, semi angry tone all of a sudden. She's just like, stop, stop. You can't, they don't understand what you're doing that. And just like, they have to know this, alright?

• 52:24Will Arnett?

  Listen to how loud I am.

• 52:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly. And then it goes away and then I'm a kiss ass most of the time. I like keeping them fucking happy. I like when they're happy and laughing and, but I put some pressure on them. Not, not about, I don't know if you guys have this, but everything I did, I would just go outside and practice and fucking basketball, baseball, even bike riding. I would just like be in my own fucking world, just driving in circles, trying to hop off a curb, trying to pop a wheelie, whatever the fuck that was. And I don't see my kids want to do that as much as me. So I'm like, there's nothing you want to get good at. I do that, that shit. And they're just like, not, just not what you want us to get good at. We want to get good at what we like, you know?

• 53:05Jason Bateman?

  Alright, well, enclosure, I have one last question for you. What makes you happiest? In all of these, all of these areas of your life, there's, it seems like there's so much harmony and everything's kind of cruising and there's so many things to bring you happiness. I'll bet you'll say family or some garbage like that.

• 53:23Will Arnett?

  And by the way, this is, Jason's looking, this is going to be informative. He's looking for something to make him happy. So he's looking for clues, whatever kind of clue you can back him. Yeah.

• 53:33Jason Bateman?

  If you had to, usually where do you find yourself the most sort of just serene? And this is a great day.

• 53:39Speaker 04

  Well, fuck, I would have to say when shit's going good at home, everything is good. Even, you know what I mean? When the kids and your, your wife or your partner are happy and there's nothing else to be concerned about, you're just fucking free to be who you were as a kid. You know, like that's when I feel like, shit, I'm making a movie. This is great. When I'm fucking making a movie and I get a call from home and something's off, I'm like, I'm fucking lost.

• 54:08Will Arnett?

  Totally.

• 54:08Speaker 04

  I'm lost until that shit gets resolved, right? And you gotta act good and the other actors are joking around and you're kind of like, what? Like you're beat behind.

• 54:16Will Arnett?

  And you're looking at your phone because you're like, fuck, is this thing going to resolve itself?

• 54:19Speaker 04

  Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're fucking heart, heartache, heartache for no reason. And then all of a sudden.

• 54:25Will Arnett?

  I, I doubled mine because I now have like an ex-wife. So I want to make sure that Amy's happy and also my partner. And every, I've got like way too many people I'm worried about are happy now.

• 54:36Speaker 04

  Sure, sure. Yeah.

• 54:37Will Arnett?

  It sounds like a complaint. Listen, I'm a very lucky guy, but still.

• 54:40Speaker 04

  Yes, absolutely. No, we all are. But the depth definitely ups and downs in my own brain. I can't, I never have a fucking 24 hour happy day. I don't see that ever, ever coming my way, but I have. When I'm, when I'm working, I'm pretty like, all right, let's, all right. How about you guys when you're working? Are you like, this is great? Or are you kind of like?

• 55:01Will Arnett?

  When the phone is off because you're working and it's, and you're on set and you're in that thing, that is a great space. When you're really in it. I remember for me, one of my happiest times was when, when Jason and I were first doing Arrested Development. And so people, you didn't text as much back then. It was because everybody still had the flip phones. I remember I got a new flip phone. I was so psyched and.

• 55:23Jason Bateman?

  A two-way pager.

• 55:24Will Arnett?

  Two-way pager thing. We had those, we had those, fuck. And I just remember like you'd go to, you'd go to work. You, you leave your trailer or whatever you're dressing in, you go on the set and you're on there for like four hours. And you're not contacting the outside world and you're in this thing, working and you're in it. That is a happy memory for me.

• 55:43Jason Bateman?

  But if you know that there's, that there's something a little sideways back home, you still can't a hundred percent enjoy it. So staying a little bit ahead at home and making sure that that's all running smoothly. And it will be smooth again tomorrow too. Cause I'm not just, you know, you know, I'm doing something proactive to keep it going forward and staying ahead of it. I've, I've been trying to do lately.

• 56:04Speaker 04

  Yeah. My, my wife's, uh, when I know I go on Tuesday, I got a pretty, that big scene, blah, blah, blah. Uh, she'll go, oh, okay. And then she'll kind of block shit. She, she should not bring shit up to me on a big day.

• 56:19Jason Bateman?

  Oh, that's nice.

• 56:20Speaker 04

  That's pretty nice. And, and then.

• 56:22Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, that's nice.

• 56:23Speaker 04

  Anyways, and then, yeah, I got.

• 56:24Jason Bateman?

  Do you run lines with her?

• 56:26Speaker 04

  Yeah. Oh my God, all the time. And she, she's good at finding shit that I wasn't gonna do in the scene and going like, well, don't you know what that line means?

• 56:36Will Arnett?

  Oh, that's awesome.

• 56:37Speaker 04

  She does that for me. Yeah.

• 56:38Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, same. Scott, yeah, I do it all the time here.

• 56:40Will Arnett?

  You do that with Scotty?

• 56:41Jason Bateman?

  Constantly.

• 56:42Speaker 04

  That's nice.

• 56:43Jason Bateman?

  Are you good at, at memorizing your lines, Adam?

• 56:46Speaker 04

  Not too good. How about you?

• 56:48Will Arnett?

  Jason's the best in the biz, the best of all time.

• 56:50Jason Bateman?

  Will's really good at it too.

• 56:51Speaker 04

  That's that fucking TV shit.

• 56:52Jason Bateman?

  That's that TV shit.

• 56:53Will Arnett?

  He's fucking unbelievable.

• 56:55Jason Bateman?

  I'm surprised that Saturday Night Live didn't kind of grind that in on you, or were you just looking at the cards the whole time?

• 57:00Speaker 04

  Uh, both.

• 57:01Jason Bateman?

  They tell you to, right?

• 57:02Speaker 04

  I would do the panic thing like before Letterman. Well, I remember I did this shit on Weekend Update where I did, um, costumes, crazy, I'm crazy pickle arm and all this shit and I had to do this thing where I was, I'm crazy under the desk guy. So I remember in my head, I went, when you're crazy under the desk guy, there's no cue cards because you're going under the desk and you gotta remember your shit. And I remember I fucking live, I went under my desk and it was like, my head's going, holy shit, there's no fucking cue cards. You're in trouble, man. And I, I think I remembered most of them and got it done. But no, I like knowing the cue cards were around.

• 57:42Will Arnett?

  You were tight with Wally, right? Was Wally doing cue cards back then? I know Wally. He just texted me out of the blue the other day. He's such a good guy.

• 57:49Speaker 04

  He, he's doing well. He's got fucking some other business he's doing right now, Wally?

• 57:53Will Arnett?

  Yeah, I don't know. He's, yeah. I haven't heard from him in years, but Wally was the guy, the cue card guy.

• 57:58Jason Bateman?

  He's got an amusement park now. I think he just started an amusement park. Wally's doing it, right?

• 58:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Old John Candy's working there. It's nice.

• 58:05Jason Bateman?

  Uh, Adam, you're incredibly generous to give us all this time. Thank you for saying yes to doing the show in the first place.

• 58:10Speaker 04

  Thank you for asking me, guys. Congrats on your show. It's a great thing you're doing and getting to hang out all the time together and you're a great guy.

• 58:16Sean Hayes?

  We're pretty lucky.

• 58:17Jason Bateman?

  We're, we're very appreciative. So looking forward to seeing you on the golf course tomorrow. We'll be there probably about 8:30, 9 o'clock.

• 58:23Will Arnett?

  Yeah, we'll wait. We're gonna warm up first. I know you don't like to warm up, but we will warm up.

• 58:27Speaker 04

  Right, right on, man.

• 58:29Jason Bateman?

  All right. We love you. Say hi to your family.

• 58:31Sean Hayes?

  Love you, pal.

• 58:32Speaker 04

  You too.

• 58:32Will Arnett?

  Thanks, buddy.

• 58:33Speaker 04

  Good to see you guys.

• 58:33Jason Bateman?

  Okay, bye, pal.

• 58:34Speaker 04

  All right. Later, guys.

• 58:37Sean Hayes?

  He's fantastic.

• 58:38Jason Bateman?

  What a good, decent guy.

• 58:40Sean Hayes?

  He's so engaging. Like, I could listen to him talk for hours. And by the way, how he's talking about all that anxiety that he has, I'm like, yeah, I totally get that. I relate.

• 58:48Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, he stayed, he stayed so human when he's had many opportunities probably not to. Um, he's able to stay very loyal to his friends. He's also putting up a great product. Um, he's got his family with him. Like, he's just been so smart, the way he's kind of put all these pieces that are available to him into a certain direction that I would imagine perpetuates so much happiness for him and so many people that are close to him and obviously his audience as well.

• 59:14Sean Hayes?

  He's a good human being.

• 59:15Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 59:15Will Arnett?

  Yeah, he's a well-rounded guy and he's got a sort of happy life. And for me, anyway, I like looking at the people who are having a happy life because it's not defined by what they do. But it's defined by so many other things, starting with family.

• 59:32Jason Bateman?

  And what they do with the things that are available to them in their life, whether it be, you know, really expensive, nice things or not. What you do with what you've got, I think, is a good test.

• 59:45Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 59:45Jason Bateman?

  Thank you to Adam for joining us. That was, uh, that was a great one. I like that. He better take us golfing. He better take us golfing. And thank you, listener, for joining us for another hour of Smartless.

• 1:00:01Sean Hayes?

  Oh.

• 1:00:18Will Arnett?

  Hey, Richmond. Mark Smith, Midas Richmond, 2026. We have been doing what we do for 29 years. Total car care, total community care. In 2026, we are donating $365,000. A thousand dollars a day for the nonprofits we've historically supported. Gooch and Cares, Shalom Farms, St. Joseph's Villa, Ask, the Colonial Heights Food Pantry, everybody we've helped over the years. These are important things making a big impact in our society right now. Total car care, total community care. That is Midas of Richmond.

• 1:00:48Speaker 04

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• 1:01:06Sean Hayes?

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