The Traitors, mid-week drinking and Mario #3

On this week's Shagged Married Annoyed, the couple discuss Halloween Costumes, the nostalgic joy of an FCUK top, and Chris reveals why he couldn't do Celebrity Traitors. Unusually it's a 'cat heavy' episode which includes a Carl Hutchinson story, plus the pair talk 3D glasses, getting old, AI, and Rosie has some long lived beef about leaving food in the sink... All of this plus voice notes and some brilliant emails from the smas and das! If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast, then get in touch! 📧: [email protected] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Coming up on this week's episode of Shagged Married Annoyed.

• 0:01Speaker 01

  It is freezing.

• 0:03Speaker 00

  We feel old again.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  We are preparing for Halloween.

• 0:07Speaker 00

  We do more whinging about AI.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  Of course we do. More call to our stories.

• 0:11Speaker 00

  Look, I'm with them all the time. What do you want?

• 0:12Speaker 01

  We've got our beefs.

• 0:14Speaker 00

  We've got why I would never do the traitors.

• 0:16Speaker 01

  Voice notes and emails from you lovely lot.

• 0:18Speaker 00

  Enjoy.

• 0:20Speaker 01

  Hello, you all listening and maybe, maybe even watching.

• 0:23Speaker 00

  You wouldn't say. You wouldn't bloody dare.

• 0:26Speaker 01

  With me, Rosie of the Ramsey family and Christopher of the Ramsey family.

• 0:30Speaker 00

  Yes, indeed.

• 0:31Speaker 01

  Hello and welcome.

• 0:32Speaker 00

  Hello.

• 0:32Speaker 01

  It's fucking freezing.

• 0:34Speaker 00

  It's so cold in this room. So we're at that point, again, it happens, cycle's through, it's freezing.

• 0:39Speaker 01

  Mad, isn't it?

• 0:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, so as you said the other day, we hit lamp season. Lamp season is well and truly upon us.

• 0:43Speaker 01

  Love lamp season.

• 0:44Speaker 00

  And I forgot that lamp season means, obviously, we don't have the heating on in the studio, the same as in, you know, the house.

• 0:50Speaker 01

  The house.

• 0:50Speaker 00

  Because it's not, it's a waste of money, electricity, you know, whatever it is, gas, water, what is it? Gas? Coal? Coal? Wood? Kindling? Crude oil?

• 1:01Speaker 01

  Sometimes you are horrible.

• 1:03Speaker 00

  Unbearable and painful.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  Absolutely unbearable.

• 1:05Speaker 00

  But just, we use Ineos now, and we both just put them in, and it's like putting little ice cubes in Ineos and it was horrible.

• 1:12Speaker 01

  But guess who isn't cold?

• 1:15Speaker 00

  I think I know who it is.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  The French lass.

• 1:16Speaker 00

  Is it this smug slag in front of me who is head to toe?

• 1:21Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:22Speaker 00

  In an electric blanket.

• 1:22Speaker 01

  I got the electric blanket back out. I swear to God, these were the best invention ever.

• 1:27Speaker 00

  I just remember.

• 1:28Speaker 01

  Unbelievable.

• 1:29Speaker 00

  I remember when I was a kid, there was, like, an inordinate amount of stories and TV shows where electric blankets burned houses down and killed everyone.

• 1:40Speaker 01

  I mean, yeah, maybe.

• 1:41Speaker 00

  Up there for me with, Quicksand was a massive thing. I think we've talked about this before.

• 1:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:46Speaker 00

  Grappling hooks were huge.

• 1:49Speaker 01

  Yep, like being impaled by a fence.

• 1:51Speaker 00

  Impaled by a fence was massive, although a lot, that happened a lot in my school, his knuckles.

• 1:54Speaker 01

  There you go, exactly. Chip pan fires.

• 1:57Speaker 00

  Chip pan fires were huge. I just remember electric blankets being like.

• 2:00Speaker 01

  Well, I think they were not as well made back in the day.

• 2:02Speaker 00

  Really?

• 2:02Speaker 01

  They're very, I think they're very well made now, and, and you know, just turn it off. Don't sleep with it.

• 2:06Speaker 00

  Waterbeds exploding and drowning everyone.

• 2:08Speaker 01

  I was, I would have loved a waterbed. That was luxury, wasn't it?

• 2:12Speaker 00

  Do you reckon? Or was it stupid?

• 2:13Speaker 01

  I mean, no, it was ridiculous, vile.

• 2:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:16Speaker 01

  But I wanted one because I seen them in all the films.

• 2:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, but I think 3D glasses and waterbeds were of the same ilk. Remember they tried to bring 3D glasses back for a bit? They're like, oh, 3D's back. And everyone's like, oh, fuck off, man.

• 2:29Speaker 01

  Was it?

• 2:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, like, I remember seeing, like, films, like, more recently, so when you were a kid, like, sort of 90s and 80s, and they were like, 3D was a thing, and it was like, I'll put the 3D glasses on and go and fucking say the thing. And then, yeah, I remember, there's a, the telly we've got in our main living room has, that was the one I bought years, I've had that years ago, and that's got a 3D function on the button. We just don't use that remote anymore because we use Apple, what's it called? Amazon. So there you go, fire stick.

• 2:54Speaker 01

  That's awful. I don't know what.

• 2:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, 3D, it came with 3D glasses.

• 2:57Speaker 01

  Do you know what? I, actually, I do remember. That's you all over. You bought that before we were married. Got that telly. It's older than our marriage.

• 3:04Speaker 00

  It's weird, isn't it? It's still the best one in the house.

• 3:05Speaker 01

  Actually, I remember when you bought it and you were like, it's 3D. I do, oh, God. Yep, still marriage it. What the fuck?

• 3:13Speaker 00

  You are, you are an idiot.

• 3:14Speaker 01

  No, honestly, I was, I could just hear me clock. Me clock was ticking. No, it wasn't. I thought, do you know what? He's all right.

• 3:22Speaker 00

  He's okay.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  He's okay. Like, sometimes, you've got to, sometimes you do have to settle.

• 3:26Speaker 00

  Sometimes he takes them 3D glasses off during sex. Sometimes.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  Just sometimes. When you're drunk.

• 3:33Speaker 00

  Yes, yes. So guys, thank you. Listen, Rosie, thank you for sticking with it. And guys, listen, thank you for sticking with it as well. Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being part of our, our little world. Obviously, if you're watching on YouTube, please like, rate and subscribe. That would be lovely. And the same on your podcast shop. Subscription is a good thing. Just do it. Just click it. Fucking do it. But listen, it is time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is drinking during the week because your kids get up too early on a weekend.

• 4:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, mate.

• 4:04Speaker 00

  Oh, we've cracked it. Oh, we've cracked it. That's, that's the answer. That's the answer.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  It's the only logical thing that I can think of because I was talking about this morning, how I had to drag them out of bed.

• 4:16Speaker 00

  Drag them out of bed.

• 4:17Speaker 02

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• 4:47Speaker 01

  It's like the morning.

• 4:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:48Speaker 01

  Yet, Saturday night, I sang two bottles of wine with me mum and Reeve decided to get up at half past five.

• 4:53Speaker 00

  Yep, because he's like, bing. He must stir and go, oh, what day is it? And his little bro goes, oh, Saturday's fucking, today, today's awesome.

• 5:02Speaker 01

  It's exciting day, yeah.

• 5:03Speaker 00

  Let's start it as soon as we possibly can. Fuck you, mother. And then that's it. Yeah, it's, it's, it's ridiculous.

• 5:10Speaker 01

  It was awful. It was awful. I didn't go to bed all one.

• 5:12Speaker 00

  Oh, that's crazy talk.

• 5:13Speaker 01

  I wasn't out, out. I was just like in the house.

• 5:16Speaker 00

  Crazy.

• 5:16Speaker 01

  But.

• 5:17Speaker 00

  So that's it from now on. Don't drink, don't drink on a Friday or Saturday. Absolutely stupid. Sunday to Thursday, crack the fuck on, unless it's the school holidays, in which case, you know, it'll be good, it'll be good to just have a dry, dry school holiday.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  People have work.

• 5:30Speaker 00

  I'm talking about, no, I couldn't give two fucks about anyone else. I'm talking about our life. Seven o'clock's a lion. Even when I'm on tour now, I'm waking up at seven o'clock every day. It's seven o'clock's a lion for me now.

• 5:37Speaker 01

  That's like, like, life, isn't it?

• 5:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's just a lion. It's all good. All good.

• 6:02Speaker 01

  Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged Married Annoyed.

• 6:05Speaker 00

  Hey, listen, we're going to kick this straight off. I'm cutting into you there. I've cut you off because I want you to, do you want a dead quick, dead fast episode of Wanna Feel Old?

• 6:14Speaker 01

  Oh, go on then.

• 6:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, you ready?

• 6:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, how are you?

• 6:16Speaker 00

  You seem like you're in too much of a good mood this week and I'd like to ruin it.

• 6:18Speaker 01

  Why do you want to? I am genuinely in a nice mood and I'm, I am due on, but, oh, can I just stop for a second? I'm so sorry, right? So, you know, I follow my periods on the app, just because I forget and then someday I'd like, you know, and then I'm, and then I'm sad and I want to get a divorce and I'm like, it's just my period. I'm sorry. Okay. So, but now, because I'm getting older and I am heading into perimenopause, right, in a few years or whenever, it's literally like, it's a two-week window now for my period. It's just like, you might come on during this time? And then I spot bleed. I just like bleed for like a week. So I have to wear period knickers for a week, but it's not enough to put a tampon in. It's not enough to really do anything. It's just like gross.

• 6:59Speaker 01

  And then I, wild. It's a minefield. I don't understand.

• 7:04Speaker 00

  It's, I mean, as if you didn't have enough, as if you didn't have enough grief with them all the years. It's actually getting worse.

• 7:09Speaker 01

  Honestly.

• 7:10Speaker 00

  Good God.

• 7:11Speaker 01

  Fucking ridiculous.

• 7:12Speaker 00

  Hey, we'll have some cracking fights on here though when you're perimenopause. It's gonna be so good.

• 7:15Speaker 01

  Don't because I'm actually, like, what we're gonna do?

• 7:18Speaker 00

  Boxing, charity boxing match, me and you.

• 7:21Speaker 01

  What we're gonna do, you're all gonna have to honestly just give us a little bit of a wide berth. If you're listening to this podcast and if you, if you like us, right, because you must like us if you're still listening, because you can't, you're not here for him. I mean, come on, you're gonna have to.

• 7:33Speaker 00

  That's without, that's without perimenopause.

• 7:34Speaker 01

  I know, this is me in good mood. You're gonna have to give us a wide berth. Please.

• 7:38Speaker 00

  Listen, quick game of do you want to feel old yet now?

• 7:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, come on.

• 7:41Speaker 00

  Have you seen my Instagram story this morning?

• 7:43Speaker 01

  No.

• 7:43Speaker 00

  Okay, of course not. You don't look at my Instagram. So two coming at you, right? If you were born before 1988, Rosie, were you born before 1988?

• 7:51Speaker 01

  I was.

• 7:51Speaker 00

  You were indeed. So was I.

• 7:52Speaker 01

  Eight of the six.

• 7:53Speaker 00

  Same year. You are now older than Tim Allen was when the first episode of Home Improvement aired.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  Okay, that's all right.

• 8:02Speaker 00

  So that's, I've eased you in with that one.

• 8:04Speaker 01

  Well, because, yeah, that's okay. You look quite nice in, in Home Improvement.

• 8:08Speaker 00

  Good looking fellow. Loved, I loved Home Improvement. Great show. Loved the house.

• 8:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:12Speaker 00

  With the fucking L-shaped stairs. I came down and it was, oh, forget about it.

• 8:15Speaker 01

  Dream houses, weren't they, when you were young? It was like, I want to live, I just wanted to live in America.

• 8:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, I mean, that's the thing though, because it was all bollocks, because they all didn't have a fucking back wall. None of them had a wall. It's like they'd been opened up.

• 8:25Speaker 01

  They were just studios, I know, but it was like Father of the Bride. Like, that was my dream. That was my dream.

• 8:30Speaker 00

  Be interesting to know if that was a.

• 8:32Speaker 01

  That was a real house.

• 8:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, because the first episode of The Sopranos, it's a real house that they filmed it in, and then they re, they remake that house as a studio, and it's real. Like, it's not, you know, there's no studio audience, you don't need that.

• 8:41Speaker 01

  No, I'm pretty sure our Father of the Bride was a real house.

• 8:44Speaker 00

  God almighty.

• 8:44Speaker 01

  God, I loved it.

• 8:45Speaker 00

  Beautiful.

• 8:46Speaker 01

  Just wanted that life.

• 8:47Speaker 00

  Okay, so I've eased you in.

• 8:48Speaker 01

  Yes, okay.

• 8:49Speaker 00

  I've eased you in with that one. This next one, it's, I couldn't really get my head around it. Toy Story. The movie.

• 8:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:59Speaker 00

  Is now as old as Mary Poppins was when Toy Story was released?

• 9:07Speaker 01

  Right, okay. Yeah, all right then.

• 9:10Speaker 00

  So when Toy Story came out, you were like, oh, this is a really old film though called Mary Poppins that I like as much as this new film I've seen at the cinema. The original Mary Poppins. Toy Story is now, yeah, there it is. Knew I'd get you that one.

• 9:21Speaker 01

  But, but also, like, I, I were forty, like, we've lived. I don't, I, I'm not that shocked by these. Was this, did you really want to upset us today?

• 9:31Speaker 00

  No, no, they're just, they're just quite, they're just quite interesting, I just think.

• 9:34Speaker 01

  I'm really aware of my age and that.

• 9:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:36Speaker 01

  It's fine. Have you got any more?

• 9:38Speaker 00

  Fucking hell.

• 9:39Speaker 01

  Come on, no, do another one. What's this?

• 9:41Speaker 00

  Do what I feel like, I feel like I'm-

• 9:42Speaker 01

  Do you know that the courier bag was invented when, when you were? One. Like, what you got, have we? Come on. Was that it? Was that two?

• 9:53Speaker 00

  I feel like, you know, like, again, in an American movie where the bully, where the kid stands up to the bully, I feel like you've stood up to the bully and I don't know what to do. I don't know, I've got my arses fell out.

• 10:00Speaker 01

  It's just, just a bit shit, like.

• 10:02Speaker 00

  Wow. Wow. Do you not think it's in that, Mary Poppins, sorry, when you were a kid, Mary Poppins was the oldest fucking thing. I watched Toy Story the other day with the kids.

• 10:09Speaker 01

  Yeah. Okay. Well, yeah, Toy Story has spanned the generations. It's done very well. Yeah, absolutely. Okay, thank you. Thank you. No, come on, man. One of the top podcasts in the UK.

• 10:20Speaker 00

  Shut up, you bitch. You've got crow's feet in your hair, it's going grey, fuck you. Yeah, how's that? Is that better? Want to feel old? Eh?

• 10:27Speaker 01

  You are fucking lucky that it is not this time next week, because I would, I would-

• 10:32Speaker 00

  I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

• 10:32Speaker 01

  Kick your head in.

• 10:34Speaker 00

  There it is.

• 10:35Speaker 01

  Do you know I said it wrong the other day? And I don't think you really picked up on it, because I said it and he hasn't said it, because I said, I'll open a can of whoop ass on you and I don't think you understood. So, and then I thought, I shouldn't say that.

• 10:45Speaker 00

  Yeah. Can of whoop ass, that's-

• 10:47Speaker 01

  Can of whoop ass, but he probably thought, oh, ick, shut up. They've got, want to feel old?

• 10:52Speaker 00

  Actually, I was in the car with them this morning and I said, what was it about? I said something. And I said, oh, bricking it, absolutely bricking it. And then I thought, if he asks what that means, I'm going to explain like shit at brick, but he didn't, he just wasn't.

• 11:04Speaker 01

  No, I don't care. He says frick a lot, which I don't like.

• 11:06Speaker 00

  Ah, it's a bit upsetting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just close, it's just like flirting with swear words. You've got to respect it. You've got to respect it.

• 11:13Speaker 01

  I had one of them FC UK tops.

• 11:15Speaker 00

  Oh, oh, whoa.

• 11:17Speaker 01

  I know. Me, me mum hated it.

• 11:19Speaker 00

  You are kidding. What did it say? It's because there was, so there was FC UK me, FC UK you. What was it? What did it say? Or did it just say FC UK?

• 11:25Speaker 01

  Just FC UK. Me mum was literally-

• 11:27Speaker 00

  Were they clever?

• 11:28Speaker 01

  Oh, so clever. I loved it. I was like-

• 11:29Speaker 00

  Isn't that early noughties? Yeah.

• 11:31Speaker 01

  FC UK, fuck.

• 11:33Speaker 00

  I'm wearing it and at a glance from a distance, someone in the supermarket might think it says a swear word, but it doesn't. And I'm like, it says S A U K, diplomatic immunity. What are you gonna do?

• 11:45Speaker 01

  Oh, right. Um, is S A U K still going?

• 11:48Speaker 00

  French Connection.

• 11:49Speaker 01

  Oh, yes, it is. I think, online.

• 11:51Speaker 00

  Speaking of online.

• 11:52Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 11:52Speaker 00

  Um, have you seen the, the fucking saddest thing in the world that's currently happening?

• 11:59Speaker 01

  Is there any need for the swearing?

• 12:00Speaker 00

  Have you seen the cunningly saddest fucking thing in the world that is happening?

• 12:07Speaker 01

  No.

• 12:08Speaker 00

  The AI thing is going crazy again. So basically, people are creating AI characters, like, on Instagram, AI personalities. And the newest one is just, they must have took footage of people getting out of like Bugattis and like ridiculously expensive cars, like McLarens and that, outside like posh hotels. And they've AI'd like, so say it's Gordon Ramsay getting out. This is just a guess here, but say it's like Gordon Ramsay getting out of one of his fucking supercars. And they've AI'd like a homeless guy over the top. So they've created this account where it's like, oh, it's this guy who looks homeless, but he's actually a billionaire. And the account literally got like a million followers overnight.

• 12:47Speaker 01

  Why?

• 12:48Speaker 00

  Because fucking, because we're all doomed.

• 12:51Speaker 01

  Sorry, I didn't follow it.

• 12:53Speaker 00

  Right. Brilliant. I didn't follow it. But it's just like, it's just that thing of like, it's this thing, it's this AI and it's the data centers and they're using all the water and then they're just using it to make fake stuff. And everyone's just sitting going, oh, I love the fake stuff. It's like, it's like we're all fucking marching towards the sun.

• 13:07Speaker 01

  No, but the here is out here, right? Okay, I'm gonna stick up for mankind, all right? A little bit. What, like, don't let we have it.

• 13:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, again-

• 13:18Speaker 01

  If it's that, but no, what I find really upsetting is like-

• 13:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:21Speaker 01

  Oh, guys, it's, it's fucking the planet. But yeah, there you go. It's great. It gives you loads of information. Oh my God, it's fantastic. But it's fucking the planet. Don't give it then.

• 13:30Speaker 00

  Well, yeah, but they want to make money of it.

• 13:31Speaker 01

  So that's what upsets us, because then, I know, but then it becomes, it's not our responsibility.

• 13:36Speaker 00

  I totally agree.

• 13:37Speaker 01

  And that's what really upsets us, because I'm sick of having the weight of the world on my shoulders. Like, I pay my taxes, I pay whatever, council tax. Can you just hire up, right? Just look after the world.

• 13:47Speaker 00

  But they're shit scared, aren't they? But the governments are shit scared of the billionaires, that's the problem. The billionaires are running it. But it's that thing, it came out of, we're talking about, it came out of fucking Norway. It was, oh, you seen this, you seen this video of Rory McIlroy twerking? Eh, is that him? No, I'd say aye. Eh?

• 14:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know, I know.

• 14:02Speaker 00

  Oh, that's amazing. Oh, it's using all the water. But you see, sorry, what was that about the water? No, no, look, Scott, Scotty Scheffler's next to him, look, he's slapping his arse. And that's not them. Not looks like them. What was that you said about the water? Don't worry about the water. Look at Donald Trump doing a cartwheel.

• 14:12Speaker 01

  I know, I know, I know, I know. It's bad, it's bad. Well, listen, all it take, well, I don't use it anymore.

• 14:19Speaker 00

  Nah.

• 14:19Speaker 01

  I may have used it to look at holidays a while ago, but I don't.

• 14:23Speaker 00

  Google automatically gives you it. You can't not get it. It's rad. It's rad.

• 14:25Speaker 01

  Chris, I don't understand.

• 14:27Speaker 00

  We're talking about possibly putting the data centers underwater to cool them down, like at the bottom of the fucking ocean. That's obviously going to be a nightmare. Or in space.

• 14:35Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 14:36Speaker 00

  Because it's freezing up there.

• 14:36Speaker 01

  All right. I don't know.

• 14:38Speaker 00

  I don't know what's going on. Do we need it? I think for like medical and stuff, like apparently like it can, it can detect like breast cancer and stuff like five years earlier, like all of that stuff. Fuck, yeah. Amazing. Piling up that. Why have I suddenly, why have I suddenly been given on my phone? Why have, why have I got it? Why have, why have we all got it?

• 14:53Speaker 01

  This is what I'm saying though.

• 14:54Speaker 00

  Why's the bloke who works at the fucking petrol station got it? Why have we got it?

• 14:56Speaker 01

  I don't know. I don't think it's our responsibility. I'm sick. It's the same as like recycling and stuff. Don't get me wrong. Yes, do as much as you can, but don't stop blaming us-

• 15:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:05Speaker 01

  For like all of the rubbish in the world. Like, I'm sorry, don't make it, don't make it available.

• 15:10Speaker 00

  Well, yeah, well, our bin men were on strike a couple of years ago for fucking ages. I couldn't do anything. Couldn't, it was mental. Listen.

• 15:16Speaker 01

  Listen, don't talk about that.

• 15:17Speaker 00

  Do you want me to lift the mood again? I've got something else to lift the mood. It's a rollercoaster day.

• 15:21Speaker 01

  I've got loads to lift the mood.

• 15:22Speaker 00

  Oh, have you?

• 15:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:23Speaker 00

  I've got something, you ready?

• 15:23Speaker 01

  Go on then.

• 15:24Speaker 00

  I was on stage in Stevenage and there was a girl in the front row, a young girl with a sixteen today badge on. And I never normally talk to birthday people because it can get boring for the rest of the crowd, but I spotted the badge and I spoke to her and I said, what did you get for your birthday? And she said, these tickets, I suppose. That was nice. I had a laugh at that. But then, I can't remember how we got on to it, but she's got a cat. Guess what her cat's called?

• 15:49Speaker 01

  Chris.

• 15:50Speaker 00

  Ramsay.

• 15:52Speaker 01

  It's called Chris Ramsey?

• 15:52Speaker 00

  It's called Ramsay. She named her cat Ramsay. Named her cat after me, or you, probably me. How good's that?

• 15:58Speaker 01

  That's all right.

• 15:59Speaker 00

  Oh, it was nice. A little cat called Ramsay. Isn't that lovely?

• 16:02Speaker 01

  Weird that you brought it up on the podcast.

• 16:04Speaker 00

  Sort of make, you've got to fucking, you've got to brag about your achievements in life. That for me is a, someone's named a cat after me, that's a fucking achievement.

• 16:10Speaker 01

  That is cute.

• 16:11Speaker 00

  I'm well happy.

• 16:11Speaker 01

  Well done. Babadu, babadu, babadu, ba. Halloween's coming up.

• 16:17Speaker 00

  Yeah. You know how I feel about it. Everyone, everyone knows how I feel about Halloween.

• 16:19Speaker 01

  But listen, the funny thing about Halloween in our house is, the kids have got their disco at school, so I've been getting their costumes because they don't make them anymore. Like, I don't know, they're just- Children of today, they don't want to make costumes. It's just not, you know, they've gone all the times and-

• 16:35Speaker 00

  Uh, no, shout out a couple of years ago, a kid in Robyn's school, jacket on, loads of variety packs of Kellogg's stuck on it. What was he?

• 16:46Speaker 01

  Serial killer.

• 16:47Speaker 00

  Serial killer.

• 16:48Speaker 01

  Very good, very good. Did you know what a serial killer was though?

• 16:51Speaker 00

  Dunno, I think his parents did. It was funny though.

• 16:52Speaker 01

  It was very good and you genuinely, they, they, they love Halloween. My friends about us, they love Halloween. Anyway, ordering the costumes. Robyn is going, I got my hazmat suit.

• 17:02Speaker 00

  Hazmat suit, bit of back rooms vibes, yeah.

• 17:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, well, we've seen back rooms, he has not seen back rooms.

• 17:09Speaker 00

  I guarantee he's seen most of back rooms. There'll be so many clips of it online that he's probably pieced the whole thing together.

• 17:13Speaker 01

  Fair enough. Well, anyway, the less I know about that, the better. He said to me like, is this in back rooms? And I was just like, yes.

• 17:21Speaker 00

  Okay, mate, I see that.

• 17:22Speaker 01

  So, no, he was like, is it? So I was just like, yeah, there is, when they come and catch them. Anyway, Rafe.

• 17:31Speaker 01

  Rafe, Rafe, Rafe, Rafe Ramsay. I was like, what, do you want to go, as it's Halloween, do you want to go like scary, like, do you want to be like a vampire or a zombie? Or do you want to go, fucking, guess, do you know what he's going as?

• 17:41Speaker 00

  No. What's he going as?

• 17:43Speaker 01

  What did he go as last year?

• 17:44Speaker 00

  Uh, Mario.

• 17:45Speaker 01

  What did he go as the year before?

• 17:47Speaker 00

  Fuck off, Mario.

• 17:48Speaker 01

  What's he going as this year?

• 17:49Speaker 00

  Mario?

• 17:50Speaker 01

  Fucking Mario? Three years in a row?

• 17:52Speaker 00

  Timeless classic.

• 17:54Speaker 01

  I've had to order three separate Mario costumes for three years running. The kids are lunatic.

• 18:01Speaker 00

  Great. I believe he might have been Luigi the year before last.

• 18:03Speaker 01

  I think he was Luigi last year and I think Robyn was Mario, if I'm right.

• 18:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:09Speaker 01

  I was like, Rafe, you can be anything that you want.

• 18:11Speaker 00

  He knows what he likes. Gotta be Mario, man.

• 18:15Speaker 01

  It just blew my mind. I was like, honestly begrudgingly just ordered another one and he, and he put it on and he was so excited. I was like-

• 18:22Speaker 00

  That's great.

• 18:23Speaker 01

  You've been this before?

• 18:25Speaker 00

  I think that's lovely. He's not like, I want a new one, it's got to be bigger and better. He's like, okay, do you know what? Couple of years ago, I nailed it. Why, not broken, don't fix it. Woohoo. It's a me, et cetera.

• 18:39Speaker 01

  It's a Mario. I even said, do you want to go as Mario? Like the, the evil Mario? And he was like that, Mario. Honest to God. Well, he can't go as Mario next year.

• 18:50Speaker 00

  He can, like-

• 18:51Speaker 01

  No, I'm not doing for you.

• 18:52Speaker 00

  He can and he will. He can and he will. Mario, Mario.

• 18:57Speaker 01

  The teachers will be like, this kid, since kindergarten, has been dressed as Mario. Like, what's wrong with him?

• 19:06Speaker 00

  Timeless classic, legend.

• 19:10Speaker 01

  It just blew my mind, honestly. But, you know, whatever. Yeah, you're right, he's happy, so.

• 19:15Speaker 00

  Good for him, man. Come on.

• 19:20Speaker 01

  Three years in a row, man.

• 19:23Speaker 00

  This episode is sponsored by TV Licensing. A TV license covers you to watch over 400 TV channels and everything on BBC iPlayer. To find out more, go to tvl.co.uk/pod. Rosie, what we're watching?

• 19:38Speaker 01

  Celebrity traitors.

• 19:39Speaker 00

  Celebrity traitors.

• 19:40Speaker 01

  It's back. Everyone's very excited about it.

• 19:43Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 19:44Speaker 01

  Um, it's all over socials at the minute. We know who's in.

• 19:47Speaker 00

  Incredible lineup.

• 19:48Speaker 01

  Incredible lineup. I genuinely, I don't know anything- That's gonna happen. There's been no lea- well done to those celebrities, by the way.

• 19:55Speaker 00

  Even the celebrity that you were at the Edinburgh Fringe with and asked her non-stop to tell you and never did.

• 20:01Speaker 01

  She told me nothing. She told me nothing. Well done, Joanne. She absolutely did not. She didn't let anything go.

• 20:07Speaker 00

  Still angry about it.

• 20:07Speaker 01

  Although, no, I did ask her. I actually said to her, I don't wanna know, but she was not forthcoming with the information.

• 20:12Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 20:13Speaker 01

  I think it's, I think it's killed her a little bit, I'm not gonna lie. But it would kill me, imagine.

• 20:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:17Speaker 01

  Imagine, just like, no, you can't say anything. But there's been no leaks. I know nothing.

• 20:22Speaker 00

  It's, it's gonna be great. The lineup is absolutely ridiculous. I mean, Trace, absolutely one of the best shows on telly. I mean, just to, just to list a few of the people, Bella Ramsey, James Blunt, Jerry Hall, Joe Lycett, Leanne Pinnock, Maya Jama, Michael Sheen, Miranda Hart, Richard E. Grant, Rebecca Ramesh, the list goes on.

• 20:40Speaker 01

  Wild.

• 20:40Speaker 00

  Madness.

• 20:41Speaker 01

  What? How did they get all them people?

• 20:43Speaker 00

  Cause it's a good show, isn't it? Good show and they want to be part of it.

• 20:45Speaker 01

  I'm gonna let you do this next one because it's written by your two favourite writers in the world, I think.

• 20:51Speaker 00

  In the whole world, ever. Yeah. So The Reluctant Vampire on BBC, all episodes are dropping on iPlayer. Cast is just phenomenal. We've got Lenny Rush, we've got Sean Clifford, we've got Tom Davis, we've got Joe Wilkinson. The list goes on. Phenomenal cast.

• 21:05Speaker 01

  Really good cast.

• 21:06Speaker 00

  Obviously, the main, for me, the main pull, written by Neil Gibbons and Rob Gibbons, who write all of the Alan Partridge stuff, all of the audiobooks that I listen to with Alan Partridge stuff. Just incredibly, incredibly great funny writers. Really looking forward to binging this. Yeah, right up my, right on my street. And honestly, love vampires as well. You know, never met one, but you know, big fan.

• 21:31Speaker 01

  Oh, and it's nearly Halloween.

• 21:32Speaker 00

  Perfect.

• 21:33Speaker 01

  Perfect. Getting the mood.

• 21:35Speaker 00

  Now, Rosie, a show that you're gonna enjoy, and not even just enjoy, a show that I think you genuinely missed your call and you had to be part of. Apocalypse on Channel Four.

• 21:43Speaker 01

  Oh, yes.

• 21:44Speaker 00

  Because you genuinely believe that the world is ending with every single bit of news you see. So this would be right up your street.

• 21:50Speaker 01

  I didn't wanna depress people in this part of the thing, but yeah. So what they've done is they've just got members of the public together and they've put them in an apocalyptic setting.

• 22:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:00Speaker 01

  And the clip that I just saw recently was they were starting to steal food from each other.

• 22:06Speaker 00

  Fantastic. Which is exactly the way it would go.

• 22:08Speaker 01

  It's absolutely what would happen.

• 22:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:10Speaker 01

  You know, only, only the baddies survive.

• 22:12Speaker 00

  We've always said that, yeah. Only the worst people ever survive in anything that happens. This is, you know, hopefully they're not the worst people. Hope it's very, very.

• 22:19Speaker 01

  Well, we'll have, no, we'll wait and see because I'm telling you right now, I think, I think the baddies will survive of this programme.

• 22:24Speaker 00

  So it is, it's a survival reality series. Two groups test their survival skills in an abandoned town with no electricity, no running water or food. Fourteen contestants taking part. They've got to survive 28 days. That started 13th of September. It's expected to run every Sunday for seven episodes.

• 22:40Speaker 01

  How long? Twenty? That's a long time.

• 22:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:43Speaker 01

  Without any electricity, no water, nothing.

• 22:45Speaker 00

  Honestly, I'm just jealous of them just because they'll just have, they'll have a lovely social media break.

• 22:49Speaker 01

  They will. But we've done these kind of TV programmes before, right? And genuinely, they're really strict.

• 22:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:54Speaker 01

  You know how sometimes you watch a programme and you think, oh, they'll be letting them, they won't.

• 22:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:58Speaker 01

  They will be fully doing that.

• 22:59Speaker 00

  Walking offstage and offscreen and having a Mars bar. No chance. No chance, no chance.

• 23:03Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 23:04Speaker 00

  So enjoy all of that viewing this October. And remember, a TV licence covers you to watch over 400 TV channels and everything on BBC iPlayer. To find out more, go to tvl.co.uk/pod.

• 23:16Speaker 03

  Whenever fall comes back around, it always feels like a fresh start. This year, I've been layering in some styles from the new Lululemon fall drop because the weather is shifting and I find I have to be ready for the entire day and not just one part of it. Lululemon's fall line has some really versatile transitional pieces. So I can just wake up, throw on a matching set, add a jacket or a fleece and head out, knowing that I'll feel comfortable enough to go wherever the day takes me. Check out the new fall arrivals in store and online now at lululemon.com.

• 23:48Speaker 00

  So speaking of Rafe, I have got a little Rafe update for everyone. I was convinced that I stank of coffee and bananas on a morning and Athletic Greens.

• 23:58Speaker 01

  Oh, because he was telling you to shut your mouth when you were brushing his teeth.

• 24:01Speaker 00

  I realised this morning, so I went upstairs, right? I flossed with my electric flosser. I did mouthwash. I brushed my teeth. I did mouthwash again. I came back down to brush his teeth and he was going, ah, and he was covering his nose saying I stank. I went, what does it smell like? What does my breath smell like? He went, minty.

• 24:20Speaker 01

  The toothpaste.

• 24:20Speaker 00

  The fucking mouthwash. He doesn't like the smell of the Listerine mouthwash. He doesn't like the smell. That's what he can smell.

• 24:27Speaker 01

  He's like a dog, innit?

• 24:28Speaker 00

  It's not you. He's got your nose. Bin stinks. That's him. I'll have two ears. Bin stinks. Problem will join in as well because your nose pisses us off.

• 24:34Speaker 01

  Well, he got in the car the other, the other week and he was like, quick, over the windows, it's, it smells of hot.

• 24:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, he doesn't like the hot smell of the car. He's swearing up, like. Remember when you get in a car as a kid and it was that hot dust smell? Oh, he's gonna, if we ever rent a car on holiday, he's gonna die. He's gonna get in the back of the car, he's gonna be absolutely furious.

• 24:53Speaker 01

  I wonder what it is though? Because my mum's got a really, really strong sense of smell.

• 24:57Speaker 00

  He's just got yours.

• 24:57Speaker 01

  Honestly, it's a curse.

• 24:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:59Speaker 01

  It's an absolute curse.

• 25:01Speaker 00

  Yeah. It's kind of ignorance is bliss for, for me. Like, I'm not really amazed at smelling stuff.

• 25:06Speaker 01

  Swear to God. It's, it's bad, like, it's bad.

• 25:09Speaker 00

  I mean, don't get us wrong, when I open the bin and stand over the bin and it smells, I've got to quickly close it. Sometimes I hold my breath and run away. Says a lot about, I should just empty the bin. But when I can't be off.

• 25:17Speaker 01

  Coming down in the mon- in the morning, in the summer.

• 25:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:20Speaker 01

  That's so upsetting.

• 25:21Speaker 00

  You've relegated with the one bin as well, which is, we used to have two bins. You've relegated with the one bin.

• 25:26Speaker 01

  We don't, we haven't got the responsibility to empty those bins. They're too big. Two massive, big bins.

• 25:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:34Speaker 01

  Nah. You're, nah.

• 25:35Speaker 00

  We've turned one a minute, we're an extra recycling thing, so.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  That's great. That's great. I eat, I eat too much oily fish to be having two big bins. It's not, it's not the life that we can have. I do. I eat tuna and salmon, salmon, the salmon skins.

• 25:49Speaker 00

  To have big bins.

• 25:50Speaker 01

  There's three salmon skins in them bins every week.

• 25:52Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, it's probably, that's what's fucking you. You're creating the problem that you don't like yourself.

• 25:56Speaker 01

  Sorry, have you seen how nice my skin is? Two of one.

• 25:59Speaker 00

  Take some of my omega three tablets, will you, and shut the fuck up. And he's got the audacity to say I stink. Fucking the fish lady out here.

• 26:06Speaker 01

  Never tells me I stink.

• 26:07Speaker 00

  Aquaman's ma.

• 26:08Speaker 01

  Never tells me I stink. So it's more, says more about you than me.

• 26:13Speaker 00

  So the other day when we're on tour, we were sitting having breakfast and tour manager Mick was talking about his cat. And Carl started talking about his cat that he used to have, Nick's.

• 26:23Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. Is Nick's dead?

• 26:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, Nick's died. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was a lovely cat, Nick.

• 26:28Speaker 01

  Oh, she was actually a really nice cat.

• 26:29Speaker 00

  I mean, he was, he was so like soft on that cat.

• 26:32Speaker 01

  He was obsessed with her, wasn't he? Didn't he nick her from next door?

• 26:34Speaker 00

  Right. So, yeah, so he basically, she lived down the street apparently and her family got, had a kid. And she was like, oh, like, fuck this. So she ended up like going and living. And he sorted it, he like adopted her, they did paperwork and everything. He like took the cat. Or they just picked someone else. They're like, I've done with you.

• 26:52Speaker 01

  Imagine. I'd be absolutely wounded.

• 26:54Speaker 00

  Imagine if you're obsessed with it. Imagine if you're obsessed with the cat and the cat was like, found someone else.

• 26:58Speaker 01

  Well, I think, ah, cat or fickle, I think if you were obsessed with them, they wouldn't go. That's what they want.

• 27:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, they want, yeah. I think they know if you're buzzing off them, yeah. So he told me this story. I'd heard a part of it. I hadn't heard it in, in, in its completion. Have you heard about when he was gonna go on holiday and put the cat in a cattery? Have you heard this story?

• 27:18Speaker 01

  I don't think I have.

• 27:19Speaker 00

  Right. So usually, he would get his neighbour, Paul, I think he was called, to just come over and feed the cat every, every day or whatever. And they were going away for like a week or something for the first time, like seven days or 10 nights or something like that.

• 27:33Speaker 01

  Just before the kids?

• 27:35Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 27:36Speaker 01

  In the flat?

• 27:36Speaker 00

  Yes. So the, no, no, it was, no, they had, I think they had a daughter at the time. I think they had, yeah. So he, he decides, oh, I'll take the cat to this cat, cat hotel. It's advertised, advertised as a cat hotel, right? So he takes the cat, he takes the cat and he gets there and he's like, he says his initial reaction was, this isn't a hotel. There's, there's no sofa for her to sit on. There's no like, this is just like a, a place with loads of cages and loads of cats. And he was like, ah, and he says he felt like terrible and he like, he left her, like, he, he, like, obviously he gave it to the woman. The woman's like, ah, okay. And he like signed a thing or whatever. And he says he started crying, right? And he walked out of the car and he was crying. And he started driving home and he was crying.

• 28:20Speaker 00

  And he phoned Paul and he went, can you, I'm really sorry, but I've just dropped off at this place and it's awful. Can you please, we're going away, could you please do what you're normally doing? And he's like, yeah, no problem. And you're like, right. He turns around in the car and he goes back like, what's that fucking, is it Officer and a Gentleman where he goes in and the?

• 28:37Speaker 01

  And he gives her a hat.

• 28:38Speaker 00

  And then he lifts her up. Yeah, picks her up and walks out with the thing. So he goes back in thinking he's gonna save the cat, right? He goes in, he's like, I'm sorry, um, I've, I've, you know, I've sorted some, some things. Someone's coming along with the cat. Can I, can I just have my cat back? Like saving it from this hellhole. The woman's like, eh, okay. So they go to the kids where the cat is.

• 28:57Speaker 01

  She buzzing.

• 28:59Speaker 00

  Carl's like, I'm here to save you. The cat's like, mate, I'm fine. He's like, no, come on, you hate this. And the cat's like, bro, like, I'm sweet, like, it's good. To the point of where they open the cage and the cat won't come out.

• 29:15Speaker 00

  So the cat's at the back, right? Just at the back of the cage going, mate, I'm fucking chilling, like, fuck off. Like, go on holiday, like, go and enjoy yourself. Cat's just buzzing. So the car get the cage, the kid, the car get the cat with the cage. So the woman has to get the bloke who, who's like out the back, who like runs the whole place. He like comes out, Rosie, he has to get, the cat will not come out of the cage. He has to get wire cutters and cut the cage physically out of the wall. So it's like a wall of cages. He has to cut the entire cage out with wire cutters so they can remove the cage. So Carl can take the cat home in the cage. And as the guy's cutting it, Carl's standing there and he goes to the bloke, has this ever happened before?

• 29:59Speaker 00

  And while the bloke's cutting the wires, he goes, you're the first.

• 30:03Speaker 01

  Why? I'm sorry. I'd be like, she's clearly happy. I'm not ruining my cage. Can you go on your holiday? Like, I'm sorry. That's ridic- that is ridiculous.

• 30:13Speaker 00

  I was fucking dying when he told us.

• 30:15Speaker 01

  That's ridiculous.

• 30:16Speaker 00

  Cat's like, what the fuck?

• 30:18Speaker 01

  I think they would love it, like, with all their mates.

• 30:21Speaker 00

  Yeah. Oh.

• 30:22Speaker 01

  Be like a week at the Aristocats, wouldn't it? You know what I mean?

• 30:25Speaker 00

  Fucking dying when he told us. Absolute man- he's a maniac. He's a maniac.

• 30:29Speaker 01

  Comedy view's crying.

• 30:31Speaker 00

  Driving back, ah, I've saved you. Honestly, don't bother. Come on, let's run. I'm fine.

• 30:39Speaker 01

  Babadu babadu babadu ba.

• 30:41Speaker 00

  It's time for what's your beef?

• 30:44Speaker 01

  What's your beef?

• 30:45Speaker 00

  Beef, beef, beef.

• 30:46Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 30:47Speaker 00

  Beef. Now, um, I, uh, honestly, at first I didn't have a beef this week because, um, we've been, uh, you know, away, I've been away. We haven't been seeing each other that much, but, um, then I said I didn't have a beef and you said, oh, I've got one. So I thought, okay, I've got one as well. So.

• 31:02Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 31:03Speaker 00

  What do you think about that?

• 31:04Speaker 01

  Now you know how I feel.

• 31:06Speaker 00

  That'll do.

• 31:07Speaker 01

  Say you could handle my love.

• 31:08Speaker 00

  Not too much, we'll have to, we'll have to pay.

• 31:12Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 31:12Speaker 00

  What's your beef?

• 31:13Speaker 01

  Well, should I tell you quickly to go and listen to me other podcast?

• 31:16Speaker 00

  Absolutely.

• 31:17Speaker 01

  About the Spice Girls, BBC Sounds, eras Spice Girls hosted by me. Oh.

• 31:22Speaker 00

  Yes, I was just want to say, can we remind everyone of what happened? We went, we put iPlayer on to watch Ghosts. Yeah.

• 31:28Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 31:28Speaker 00

  Come on, come on.

• 31:29Speaker 01

  And then the, an advert came on for the podcast, My Voice, and I was like, oh my God, this is so cool. So I kind of stared at Robin, like going, and, and tell him what he shouted.

• 31:40Speaker 00

  Skip this, skip this.

• 31:44Speaker 01

  Literally no idea it was me. How did he not know it was my voice?

• 31:46Speaker 00

  It took him a while, like, but it came on, it was like.

• 31:48Speaker 01

  He was buzzing.

• 31:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, he was buzzing after a while. It was a very lovely, but it was straight away, skip this, skip this.

• 31:53Speaker 01

  Skip this. Didn't like straight in my eyes. Skip this.

• 31:56Speaker 00

  That was laughing and you were like, you were smiling at him looking. I mean, it must've been weird if he didn't know you. Yeah.

• 32:02Speaker 01

  I don't think he knows who the Spice Girls are, which is trudge, la trudge, but whatever.

• 32:07Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 32:07Speaker 01

  Yeah. Uh, yeah, you can listen to that. It's really interesting, actually.

• 32:11Speaker 00

  Uh, genuinely, we talked about it on, uh, Sarah Cox the other day on Radio Two, uh, I, um, basically kept walking past the room when you were doing the voiceover for it.

• 32:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:21Speaker 00

  And the little sort of snippets I heard were as a not, obviously I'm not a diehard Spice Girls fan. I mean, obviously they were, they were, they were awesome and iconic, but fair enough. Really interesting.

• 32:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, really interesting.

• 32:31Speaker 00

  Really fucking interesting. Yeah. So, yeah, check that out on BBC Sounds.

• 32:35Speaker 01

  Lending my voice.

• 32:36Speaker 00

  There we go. I've always said you've got a lovely voice.

• 32:38Speaker 01

  Thanks.

• 32:39Speaker 00

  Uh, my beef with you is you're doing another podcast, you fucking whore. I'm joking.

• 32:43Speaker 01

  Whoring myself out. It was fun. Wait, what's your beef with her then? Come on.

• 32:48Speaker 00

  So my beef with you is just a little one. Um, basically, uh, you did it, uh, uh, when I was drew back from, from me tour. And you do it when I go on a little night out with me mates and I'm like the one who has to be hungover and that at the next day. You always just end up getting on a fucking mad one in our house with your mom and your sister. And it totally dilutes my being a bit hungover the next day. Cause you're like, oh, I'm, oh, what time are you getting? You know, I come in, I'll go out for a curry with the lads or whatever, but I come in at 10 o'clock because I'm boring as fuck. And you're still like on the piss in the kit, in the living room with your mom. And I'm like, okay, so.

• 33:19Speaker 01

  This is, where's this been stewing?

• 33:21Speaker 00

  Well, because you did it there and I got back from touring. I was like, I'm not going to have to, you're like, oh yeah, I was up there.

• 33:25Speaker 01

  I'm sorry, but did it actually, it didn't ruin any of your day?

• 33:29Speaker 00

  Didn't at all.

• 33:29Speaker 01

  We went out with the kids. I got you from the train station.

• 33:32Speaker 00

  And I'm not having to go at that.

• 33:33Speaker 01

  I made dinner in the evening.

• 33:35Speaker 00

  You did, it was, you were fantastic. No, it didn't.

• 33:37Speaker 01

  Go fuck yourself. What are you talking about?

• 33:39Speaker 00

  You have a mad one when I, I just think it's, am I jealous? I might be jealous.

• 33:45Speaker 01

  I think you need to wind your fucking neck in.

• 33:46Speaker 00

  I have like, uh, I live like a monk when you're not here. I'm in bed by seven.

• 33:51Speaker 01

  That's not my problem. The way you live your life, you can't blame me that you are a boring bastard. Like I'm not, I enjoy life. And you know what it is? When the moment takes us, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do it. So.

• 34:05Speaker 00

  You were fine to be fair. So there's no, I can see it's not that time you fell down the stairs and broke your bum.

• 34:09Speaker 01

  That was a night out and that was cocktails.

• 34:11Speaker 00

  Right.

• 34:11Speaker 01

  That was Cosmopolitan's.

• 34:13Speaker 00

  Cock sick tales.

• 34:14Speaker 01

  Cock sick tales. Honestly, that was actually, I haven't been that drunk since then, to be honest with you.

• 34:19Speaker 00

  It was a wake up call, wasn't it? That was a once in a decade. Yeah.

• 34:22Speaker 01

  I don't get fall down the stairs drunk when me mom and Kate are here at all.

• 34:26Speaker 00

  Hmm, right, then.

• 34:27Speaker 01

  What, where the hell did that come from? It is like a boomerang.

• 34:32Speaker 00

  What, you mean it hit you then came back?

• 34:33Speaker 01

  Just, it's just, that's another thing about being married, isn't it?

• 34:37Speaker 00

  Well.

• 34:37Speaker 01

  Just like how you, see, if we were divorced.

• 34:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:43Speaker 01

  Not that I'm advocating divorce, but if we were divorced, I would just do that on the nights when you had the kids.

• 34:48Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 34:48Speaker 01

  But we're not divorced and I've got my kids every night of the week.

• 34:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:52Speaker 01

  So when, when am I meant to enjoy myself?

• 34:55Speaker 00

  Never. Weeknights.

• 34:57Speaker 01

  Listen, stop leaving food in the little drainer in the sink.

• 35:03Speaker 00

  Ah.

• 35:04Speaker 01

  Oh, it's getting out of hand. It's honestly, why won't you, why won't you empty it?

• 35:08Speaker 00

  Honestly, um, I've, so I've had an issue with this for years.

• 35:11Speaker 01

  I know you have. You've been doing this. How has this not actually ever come up? Or has it come up? I can't remember.

• 35:16Speaker 00

  Maybe. When I used to work at, uh, uh, La Bamba, the restaurant in South Shields, next to the town hall, which isn't anymore.

• 35:22Speaker 01

  It's a Spanish tapas?

• 35:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think it's a Mambo's now. Um, I was the pot washer. I was the dishwasher. I just used to, I was in the kitchen, just kitchen porter.

• 35:29Speaker 01

  Can't imagine you doing this.

• 35:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. I was, I was only 16. I was kitchen porter and I just did all the washing. And, um, the bloke who, there's a really lovely bloke who worked there. He was like the senior kitchen porter. And, uh, whenever the sink got blocked with loads of food stuff, I would be like, oh mate, it's, it's blocked again. What do I do? And he was like, look, man. And he got annoyed that he had to show, I only worked there for like two nights, but he got annoyed that he had to show us, two weeks, sorry. Um, he got annoyed that he had to show us because he was like, you just move this and take all this food and put it in the bin. And I was like, all right. I didn't want to touch it, so I just pretended I didn't know what to do.

• 35:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:00Speaker 00

  I have got a mate, like, I think it's, I feel like it's like alive and it's going to get us. Like I swear, when it's in the little, the strainer thing, I hate it.

• 36:08Speaker 01

  I know, but why, I always have to empty it. It's gross. I don't like it either.

• 36:12Speaker 00

  But we've got our jobs and, you know, mainly it's your like oily fish and fish eyeballs and scales and that.

• 36:17Speaker 01

  Mostly, it's your eggs. It's always eggs, monkey bits of eggs and cheese, which I don't eat. So it's you actually. It's always you. I come downstairs, it's disgusting.

• 36:29Speaker 00

  Bank of rights. Cause at the minute my two main food groups are eggs and cheese.

• 36:33Speaker 01

  It is stringy bits of cheese that I have to like scratch off the bleached strainer and that.

• 36:38Speaker 00

  Oh yeah, you do.

• 36:39Speaker 01

  I hate it as well, but can you just do, when you do that part of the work, like the, the task, can you finish it? And not leave your monkey bits of food in the sink.

• 36:48Speaker 00

  Better idea. Um, if anyone knows, uh, the location of that bloke I used to work with in La Bamba, if you could just get him to come around every day and empty that for me, that'll be sound.

• 36:58Speaker 01

  Oh, just buy some rubber gloves.

• 37:00Speaker 00

  Put my gloves on and do that, man. Busy man.

• 37:03Speaker 01

  I don't, you, you've, you've actually, I can't even look at you. You've upset us. You've really wound us up with that, that me having my family round just to drink.

• 37:12Speaker 00

  No, no, it's not, nothing to do with family being round. Love your family. It's just getting on it, just getting on it. When it's like, what if I, what if I'm ill the next day? And you're just like, fuck it, rah.

• 37:21Speaker 01

  I don't, what do you mean?

• 37:22Speaker 00

  I don't know. I'm just, you know, and I'm like, I'm about being tired and that. When we're both tired, I'm like, who's gonna do stuff?

• 37:27Speaker 01

  You're so.

• 37:28Speaker 00

  Who's gonna do stuff?

• 37:30Speaker 01

  You're honestly, you used to be exciting. Do you remember when we first met? You did, you know, you did. You used to be exciting, but now you hold sleep to such a high.

• 37:40Speaker 00

  Oh, I know.

• 37:40Speaker 01

  It's like ridiculous.

• 37:42Speaker 00

  That's why I couldn't, that's why I couldn't do trailers. I could not do the trailers. The, uh, uh, the fucking like, we're not up to date, but James Lycaster, bless him. He fucking looks like he's had, the night after they had him in that coffin and then they recruited him as a traitor, spoiler alert. He looked like he'd been on a fucking, he looked like he'd been on a fucking four day stag do, the poor sod. Cause I know he's had two hours kip.

• 38:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, you don't deal well with it.

• 38:02Speaker 00

  Oh, I'd be a, I'd be a mess. They'd literally be like, Chris, are you a traitor? I'd be like, yes, fuck off. Yes, I'm a traitor. Fuck off.

• 38:09Speaker 01

  Oh God, that's what what his tits did. Jesus.

• 38:13Speaker 00

  That was great, wanted to be fair.

• 38:14Speaker 01

  And they're like, oh, he's just been, I'm like, no, he's stupid. He didn't, he's never watched it. He's never, Richard E. Grant has never watched the trailers. Clearly. No, I'm sorry. Someone's told him, this is a really big show. You should do this. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, hell yeah. What? Johnny good fun. I'll do it. Maybe, maybe, maybe just watch it before you do it. Actually.

• 38:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, that was, yeah. And like.

• 38:35Speaker 01

  He thought the camera, he thought the camera had gone down.

• 38:38Speaker 00

  Finished for the day. I guarantee, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And like it's like, Chalaski again. And you can give a different answer. And he's like, ah, still a traitor. I was like, okay.

• 38:46Speaker 01

  It's Gemma Collins in the jungle the first time round when, when it was like night time. She was like, so when did they bring all the dinner out? And it's like, no, this is it. What? You fucking what? And then she left. Like, oh God, I just don't.

• 39:01Speaker 00

  Get like, to be fair, I have told people that I've watched stuff religiously to get, strictly. I told them, I, I was like, oh, always on in our house every year. Love it. I don't fucking. Like, but then I always drop myself in it because then I go, it's a different dance every week.

• 39:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're, you're an idiot. You're a moron.

• 39:20Speaker 00

  What do you mean it's a different dance every week? Oh, Chris, you're a super fan of the show, aren't you? Oh, I did say that to get it. Yeah.

• 39:24Speaker 01

  There's a word, there's a word to explain it. Begins with E.

• 39:28Speaker 00

  Uh huh.

• 39:28Speaker 01

  And ends in ruggance.

• 39:30Speaker 00

  Arrogance.

• 39:31Speaker 01

  Arrogance.

• 39:31Speaker 00

  There it is.

• 39:32Speaker 01

  Sheer arrogance.

• 39:34Speaker 00

  I never knew how to spell that until you sounded it out like that one time.

• 39:37Speaker 01

  So now I said E, which is an ah.

• 39:41Speaker 00

  It's just, I mean, I, I get it, but fair enough.

• 39:46Speaker 03

  Whenever fall comes back around, it always feels like a fresh start. This year I've been layering in some styles from the new Lululemon fall drop because the weather is shifting and I find I have to be ready for the entire day and not just one part of it. Lululemon's fall line has some really versatile transitional pieces. So I can just wake up, throw on a matching set, add a jacket or a fleece and head out, knowing that I'll feel comfortable enough to go wherever the day takes me. Check out the new fall arrivals in store and online now at lululemon.com.

• 40:15Speaker 00

  It's time for questions from the public. As always, if you'd like to get in touch at [email protected] for a long form email or 07874406650 to send a voice note. All that information is on your podcast app.

• 40:36Speaker 01

  Our Daisy sent these voice notes through because I forgot last week.

• 40:39Speaker 00

  Our Daisy.

• 40:40Speaker 01

  She said, this one is funny, but it's a bit noisy and windy. So we'll try it. But if it doesn't work, we'll do a different one. I'll read. I haven't heard this.

• 40:48Speaker 00

  No, we've never heard any of them.

• 40:49Speaker 04

  Hi Chris and Rosie. Just a quick one for your fancy new section that I can't remember the name of either. We went on holiday when we were kids with my mum and stepdad. And it was the day of checkout and we were able to go and put our luggage in this like storage facility that was just aside from the hotel. So it was basically like this empty shop where they kept the bags. So we'd gone and dropped the bags in, gone off for the day, been to the pool, had a swim, been for some lunch and what have you. And we thought, right, we'll go and get our bags now and then go and have the shower ready for the airport.

• 41:29Speaker 04

  And when we, when we got to the door of this like empty shop with our bags in, there was this sign on the front. And it was in Spain. And the sign said, I am a toilet back in 10 minutes. But we were creased. I am a toilet back in 10 minutes. So then for months and months afterwards, every time we, you know, something went wrong or like, we didn't want to do something, we'd go, I'm a toilet back in 10 minutes.

• 42:03Speaker 01

  Oh, nice.

• 42:07Speaker 00

  Absolutely love it. Ooh, this reminds us.

• 42:09Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 42:10Speaker 00

  Um, like, obviously I'm on tour with a call. A lot of my stuff at the minute is, you know, through the, through the call, through the call filter. Do you know, he, like, some of the stuff he watches online, obviously I've said before, he's obsessed with people eating takeaways outside of takeaways. He also went, he went, have you seen such and such? He said a name of this person. And I went, who's that? He went, oh, no. He went, it's just a guy who does like edits of stuff. So it's, he showed us this thing. There's loads of them. There's edits of, can you remember Airline, the show in the 90s, early?

• 42:39Speaker 01

  Was it like a documentary?

• 42:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, just about, it was like about EasyJet and about just in the airport kicking the fuck off.

• 42:46Speaker 01

  Loved it.

• 42:46Speaker 00

  So online, we've been watching like compilations of the best kickoffs. And there's this one. And I just, I think if I'd seen this episode, it would have been one of these things that stay in, it would have been a catchphrase that I say forever. So it's this, this poor lady, I don't know how it's happened to her, right? But basically, she's managed to get on a plane, she's French, she's managed to get on a plane in France, all the way to Liverpool. And she's got a cat with her in a fucking handbag.

• 43:12Speaker 01

  Amazing.

• 43:12Speaker 00

  So they're like, what the fuck? And she's like, oh, yeah. She's like, I take my cat out. I can't do that. But she's like, I take my cat everywhere. And she's like, it's funny as fuck. Because she gets the cat out and she holds it up. And the cat just looks like so bewildered. The cat's like, what my D and E? And it climbs back in the bag. And all the staff are like, look, well, you've brought an animal in the country illegally. Like, it could, you know, it's dangerous. It could have diseases and stuff. But we're gonna have to put your cat in quarantine. And she's like, nah, nah. And she stands up and she's fucking pegs it out the airport with her cat and her suitcase and everything.

• 43:37Speaker 01

  Right, okay. I've not seen this one.

• 43:38Speaker 00

  The chaser, the catcher, and the camera crew waiting and just walking back up and just like, it's taken three people to catch me. And they're going, look, your cat needs to go in quarantine. We're gonna have to take your cat off. You're gonna have to phone the police, blah, blah. And she says, and I am gonna do the accent just for this bit. She goes, the woman's arguing with her. And she goes, no, no, no. You have broke my holidays. I fucking wish, I wish I'd seen that at the time. Because I would, you broke my holidays as fucking the gift that keeps on giving. Everything. You've broke me holidays.

• 44:06Speaker 01

  You're very cat heavy today.

• 44:08Speaker 00

  Hee hee.

• 44:09Speaker 01

  Very cat heavy. Very, but I love it. Do you want one more?

• 44:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:13Speaker 05

  Hi Chris and Rosie. I was just listening to the latest podcast with the guide dog called Phil. So my brother in law is lucky enough to have the most amazing job working with guide dogs, training the guide dogs and also the people. And then they go off once they're paired with the right person. His latest dog, gorgeous little black lab, she's really lovely, doing really well in her training. But her name is Cath. Cath, yes. Like a middle aged woman. So yeah, I don't think it's a one off. Phil and Cath. There you go.

• 44:51Speaker 01

  Cath. Oh, I've got an Andy Cath.

• 44:55Speaker 00

  That's great.

• 44:56Speaker 01

  But I wouldn't call it Cath.

• 44:57Speaker 00

  Cath's a great dog's name. Fantastic. Just imagine in a little doily hat and some glasses.

• 45:02Speaker 01

  A little black lab. Oh.

• 45:03Speaker 00

  Oh, gorgeous.

• 45:05Speaker 01

  I've, I've, I know I say it all the time, but when I worked at the metro centre, they used to, the guide, that's where the guide dogs did all the training, the puppies. And they would come in and I'd just be like, what?

• 45:15Speaker 00

  You're not allowed to stroll. And that's the worst bit when they're in training.

• 45:16Speaker 01

  Oh, I did.

• 45:17Speaker 00

  You don't want to bother them. Oh, great. Great. Well done. You've probably, honestly, you probably ruined.

• 45:22Speaker 01

  Fucked it. Fucked it. Sorry about that.

• 45:24Speaker 00

  Do you know you can get police dogs? I think it's only in America. Maybe over here. You can like adopt police dogs that were too lush to be police dogs. Do you know that? They were too like soft.

• 45:35Speaker 01

  I want one of them.

• 45:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. So you can get them. Like, it's a thing. I've seen it online a few times. It's like, oh, this. Yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, it wasn't like, you know.

• 45:43Speaker 01

  No respect.

• 45:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, like, wouldn't be like, you know, I don't know if that'd be ruthless, but you know what I mean? They've got to be a bit fucking, you know, a bit to be a police dog.

• 45:49Speaker 01

  Oh, I'd probably be a gun.

• 45:50Speaker 00

  And they're just like, nah.

• 45:50Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 45:51Speaker 00

  You know, they've got, you know, like, it's same as obviously to be an officer in the army, you'd have to be, you have to have a bit of fucking something about it. Yeah. So they can't.

• 45:57Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 45:57Speaker 00

  So it's like, dogs that were too nice to be police dogs is a thing.

• 46:00Speaker 01

  Wouldn't go in the burning building.

• 46:01Speaker 00

  No, well, not even, no, not even that. Just like, wouldn't fucking have a go at someone. I wouldn't bark. You know, thing like, they're just like, oh, they just wanted to fuck about.

• 46:08Speaker 01

  Do you know, police dogs are not allowed to sleep inside?

• 46:10Speaker 00

  Oh, no.

• 46:11Speaker 01

  Nah.

• 46:11Speaker 00

  Is this true?

• 46:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:13Speaker 00

  It's a fact. They've got to sleep outside?

• 46:15Speaker 01

  They've got to sleep outside all the time.

• 46:17Speaker 00

  Oh, is this still true?

• 46:19Speaker 01

  They're not like family dogs.

• 46:20Speaker 00

  No.

• 46:20Speaker 01

  Like, the, the, the dog owners, the police dog owners.

• 46:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:24Speaker 01

  They have the dog and it's like they're at their home, but they're not allowed to be in, inside the house. They've got to sleep outside. Oh, I hard as fuck.

• 46:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:31Speaker 01

  Yeah. No, I want the one that just, that lies there, playing dead.

• 46:35Speaker 00

  Yeah. You want a big fat dog that doesn't do anything. That's what you want.

• 46:38Speaker 01

  Yeah. No, I don't want an obese dog.

• 46:42Speaker 00

  No, I'm joking. No, no, very, very upsetting.

• 46:44Speaker 01

  Hello, Chris and Rosie. My husband keeps his eyes closed for the whole duration of brushing his teeth.

• 46:51Speaker 00

  Fucking, anything could happen. He could be burgled.

• 46:55Speaker 01

  Two whole minutes electric toothbrush. Good night.

• 46:59Speaker 00

  Sorry. That is, I mean, I can't do the full two minutes. It does me any.

• 47:06Speaker 01

  I really upsets us this.

• 47:07Speaker 00

  It feels like years.

• 47:08Speaker 01

  You have to, Chris, you have to do the two minutes.

• 47:11Speaker 00

  I've said before, tying shoelaces and brushing my teeth feels like it's years.

• 47:15Speaker 01

  It's all on the spectrum.

• 47:16Speaker 00

  Like, honestly, like, like, oh, it's boot, boot season's coming up.

• 47:19Speaker 01

  Oh, God, not boot season. Oh, Jesus Christ.

• 47:22Speaker 00

  I've got red wing boots.

• 47:23Speaker 01

  Oh, you don't even want to know, Chris, in boot season. It's so upsetting.

• 47:26Speaker 00

  I can't bear it. So if, honestly, I think I've said before, if I bend down to tie my laces, right? It takes so long. I hate it. If I come back up and everyone was like older and they were like, you were down there for a year, I wouldn't be surprised. I'd be like, yeah, I was.

• 47:37Speaker 01

  Just get some slip on loafers. Wellies. You wear wellies?

• 47:42Speaker 00

  Oh, no, I'm not gonna be wellie guy.

• 47:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, but being married here during boot season is so oval.

• 47:48Speaker 00

  Shall I get like, what were them? Shall I get like Edward Scissorhands ones with like metal buckles and zips on in there? Like the Caldo New Rocks?

• 47:55Speaker 01

  Get a zip. Get the zips.

• 47:56Speaker 00

  Zip ones.

• 47:56Speaker 01

  I've got a play, I've got a play, I've got a play, but, hang on. All of my boots have got zips.

• 48:02Speaker 00

  So, right. So can I have the ones that have got laces on the front?

• 48:05Speaker 01

  They've got the fake laces and you just zip them up the front.

• 48:07Speaker 00

  Right. There we go.

• 48:08Speaker 01

  Why have you never done this?

• 48:08Speaker 00

  Don't know. But that's what I need because, but back to brushing the teeth. Him keeping his eyes shut for two, two minutes. Anything could happen.

• 48:16Speaker 01

  Do you know what? I'm a maniac, right? When I'm brushing my teeth for two minutes. The amount of jobs I do.

• 48:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:22Speaker 01

  And I get toothpaste everywhere. Like, I know, it's like dripping down my arm and it's going on me carpet and that. But like, I get, I can't stand still for the two minutes. So I just, well, I know, but I just get shit done. I'm like, oh, I'll put me razor away, do loads of stuff.

• 48:37Speaker 00

  He will be calmer and more level headed than both of us. The fact that he can shut his eyes for two minutes and just have a bit, I bet he's visualising each tooth. I bet he's visualising the gaps around the teeth and he's properly getting, I bet he's not one bit of his mouth that he's missing. I'm jealous.

• 48:49Speaker 01

  Do you know what's really impressive?

• 48:51Speaker 00

  I'd fall asleep.

• 48:51Speaker 01

  Do you know our Robin?

• 48:52Speaker 00

  Uh huh.

• 48:53Speaker 01

  He brushes his teeth for the full two minutes.

• 48:55Speaker 00

  He's a good kid.

• 48:56Speaker 01

  I know. It's mad, isn't it?

• 48:57Speaker 00

  He eats really well. He brushes his teeth well. He's a good kid.

• 48:59Speaker 01

  I know, he is, isn't he? What's going on?

• 49:01Speaker 00

  Don't know.

• 49:01Speaker 01

  Take a leaf out of his book. Rafe by, Rafe on the other hand.

• 49:04Speaker 00

  That's because I stink of mouthwash.

• 49:06Speaker 01

  No, it's just like, you put it in for five seconds, he's like, ah, smack. And I'm like, you've done six seconds. No.

• 49:11Speaker 00

  Just let him spit and then start, and you start again. And he's devastated. Well, it's gotta be done.

• 49:15Speaker 01

  But then there's no toothpaste on.

• 49:16Speaker 00

  I put more on. I'm like, you've just spat it all out. We've got to go again. I was like, you want to spit, but we've got to go again. Yeah. I don't do two minutes. So he's only got, he's only got four teeth, man. He's only a little kid.

• 49:24Speaker 01

  Our parenting skills are so wildly different. Sometimes, don't tell us.

• 49:28Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 49:29Speaker 01

  Just don't tell us because I know, I know for a fact you don't put more toothpaste on. I know for a fact.

• 49:33Speaker 00

  I've done it a couple of times. I swear. I swear. No, I swear. I've done it a couple of times.

• 49:35Speaker 01

  Don't believe you. I don't believe you. You're a lying piece of shit. So hang on. Right. So you put the toothpaste on his toothbrush and then you, you brush it and you spit it out everywhere and then you just do it and there's no more toothpaste.

• 49:47Speaker 00

  Well, there is because this, you can.

• 49:48Speaker 01

  Ah, see? See?

• 49:50Speaker 00

  Listen.

• 49:50Speaker 01

  See how quickly you backtracked? You don't put any more on.

• 49:53Speaker 00

  You've never spat halfway through brushing your teeth?

• 49:55Speaker 01

  No, never. Never.

• 49:56Speaker 00

  What's your mouth a fucking reservoir?

• 49:58Speaker 01

  I keep it all in. I drip down my arm.

• 50:00Speaker 00

  What are you talking about? You've got spit halfway.

• 50:02Speaker 01

  Listen, you can take them to the dentist and you can explain to them why Rafe's teeth are falling out, if they are, by the way.

• 50:08Speaker 00

  Teeth man. It doesn't matter. You can brush with fucking honey. No one cares. The next ones are the important ones. But seriously, so you don't spit halfway through brushing your teeth. You just store it like a hamster.

• 50:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:17Speaker 00

  In your mouth.

• 50:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:18Speaker 00

  That's wild.

• 50:20Speaker 01

  Why?

• 50:20Speaker 00

  Because you can spit halfway through and then just keep going. Because there's tooth, there's toothpaste on your teeth and it's on them.

• 50:25Speaker 01

  I don't want to. I don't want to spit halfway through. Why, you reckon? My kids' teeth?

• 50:30Speaker 00

  I'm not, man.

• 50:31Speaker 01

  This is, I just, oh, don't. Stuff like this really upsets us when I find out. Because you, you keep it secret. You never say anything. Then you're like, ah, yeah, when I brush his teeth, yeah, whatever. Just spit it out and whatever.

• 50:40Speaker 00

  All right. Cards on the table. I haven't brushed his teeth ever. Is that better? Does that make me feel better?

• 50:45Speaker 01

  Well, I know you have because I've seen you.

• 50:46Speaker 00

  Oh, there you go. Shut up.

• 50:49Speaker 01

  This reminded us of you. Hi Rosie and Chris. Just listened to the episode when you were both talking about sayings you have about other people, blah, whatever. And it reminded me of my sister's ex from years ago. It was his job to put the bins out and one night during an argument.

• 51:04Speaker 00

  Just for a moment there, I was like, can you remember when Steve Bujia wrote in and said about a comedian pissing in a bucket backstage and it was about me? Just there, I was like, you said.

• 51:12Speaker 01

  Steve Bujia wrote in to this.

• 51:14Speaker 00

  Steve Bujia, comedian, he wrote in about his Manchester Uni gig saying he had to empty a bucket of piss in a backstage gig and it was me who, a comedian had pissed in a bucket and it was me and he had to empty it now. So for a moment there, when you were like, this reminds me of that, it was my sister's ex. I was like, oh my God. But then you said, take the bins out and I say, okay, no, I've never.

• 51:31Speaker 01

  It's not you. Don't worry, it's not you. It's not all about you, Chris.

• 51:33Speaker 00

  Well, well.

• 51:35Speaker 01

  I know you like to think that it's probably. God, I thought I was in a good mood. You've managed to really piss the job.

• 51:40Speaker 00

  I'm not pissed, you're ridiculous.

• 51:41Speaker 01

  With the, with the, I get pissed and don't let you have a nice day and you don't brush your children's teeth properly. You leave all the shit in the sink. I'm fucking sick. Listen. We're, I'm done, we're done.

• 51:52Speaker 00

  It's unbelievable.

• 51:54Speaker 01

  Oh, book flights to Portugal. Just another one of my fucking jobs. I genuinely, the other day, just because I'm in a rage, right? I the other day was like, I'm not booking a holiday this year.

• 52:04Speaker 00

  Right.

• 52:05Speaker 01

  Next year, for next year. And I was like, I'm just not going to do it. And then, then, then.

• 52:09Speaker 00

  And now you do.

• 52:10Speaker 01

  Just out of sheer spite. No, because you just won't do. Why don't you book the holidays? Why do I have to book the holidays?

• 52:15Speaker 00

  Okay. I will book the holidays.

• 52:17Speaker 01

  Yeah. All right. Good.

• 52:18Speaker 00

  Book one today.

• 52:19Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 52:19Speaker 00

  No problem.

• 52:20Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 52:20Speaker 00

  Good.

• 52:21Speaker 01

  Yep. We'll go on.

• 52:22Speaker 00

  Mm, I'll book it.

• 52:23Speaker 01

  Great. I know you'll, you'll go back to somewhere with beans, but that's fine.

• 52:27Speaker 00

  Of course I will.

• 52:29Speaker 01

  Did you do it? Because I'm sick.

• 52:31Speaker 00

  I'll book it. No problem.

• 52:31Speaker 01

  Okay, thank you.

• 52:32Speaker 00

  No problem.

• 52:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:33Speaker 00

  I'll sort it.

• 52:34Speaker 01

  I need to know the dates.

• 52:34Speaker 00

  Nope.

• 52:38Speaker 01

  Fine. I've actually got nothing booked in there. Listen, shut up. So.

• 52:47Speaker 00

  Okay, Al.

• 52:52Speaker 01

  Do you know what's so funny? I'm going to Cardiff this afternoon to film for the TV show that I'm doing and I would never speak to Nathan like that.

• 53:00Speaker 00

  No, of course not. That's a pity in this job.

• 53:02Speaker 01

  Shut up. Right.

• 53:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:04Speaker 01

  The bins.

• 53:05Speaker 00

  Come on then.

• 53:07Speaker 01

  It reminded me of my sister's ex from years ago. It was his job to put the bins out and one night during an argument, he said to her, you don't even respect the bins.

• 53:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's, that's exactly. Yo, fuck, tell you what, we got the, we got the yellow tape of shame the other day.

• 53:28Speaker 01

  What happened?

• 53:29Speaker 00

  Someone put a fucking bicycle helmet in the bin.

• 53:32Speaker 01

  Who?

• 53:33Speaker 00

  It was Rafe's old broken bicycle helmet, which is fucked. And someone put it in the recycle bin. I think she put it at the top of the recycle bin. So it must have been the easiest rejection for the bin man. He opened it. Well, that's the thing. I came out and I saw the yellow tape of shame and I was like, this is so embarrassing. And I opened the bin and there was just a bicycle helmet at the top, a bicycle helmet. I thought.

• 53:49Speaker 01

  So where would you put, do you put that in the normal bin?

• 53:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's got to go just, if it's not, obviously something like that, it's completely knackered.

• 53:56Speaker 01

  Fully recyclable.

• 53:57Speaker 00

  Well, it's not recyclable. It's, it's fully knackered. Most of it's polystyrene. You could maybe take the plastic bit off the top. I don't know. But if you can't charity it, it's just got to go in the bin.

• 54:05Speaker 01

  Since she's old, she doesn't know.

• 54:06Speaker 00

  It's, she's lazy.

• 54:09Speaker 01

  She's not lazy.

• 54:10Speaker 00

  Lazy and doesn't check is, is more to what you've just said. But no, it's, it's just.

• 54:14Speaker 01

  Ma'am, ma'am.

• 54:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 54:15Speaker 01

  I hope you're listening to this. I hope you're listening to this. All right. I just call you lazy, which actually, that's, that's like.

• 54:22Speaker 00

  It might have been you actually, Rosie.

• 54:23Speaker 01

  What?

• 54:24Speaker 00

  You might have put it.

• 54:24Speaker 01

  I didn't do it.

• 54:25Speaker 00

  I'm just trying to, I'm trying to.

• 54:26Speaker 01

  It wasn't me. No, but my mom, lazy.

• 54:30Speaker 00

  No, no.

• 54:30Speaker 01

  That's like kryptonite. Joking. Every time I ring her, I think she pretends she's always out walking, you know. I think she, I think anytime I ring her, she just goes and stands outside, right? So the traffic, she's like, I'm just walking a little. And I'm like, no, you're fucking, no, you're not. You're not the way you're, you're not. Because actually, I'm outside your house and you're sitting in your dressing gown, watching Telly, eating crisps. So shut up.

• 54:50Speaker 00

  You're in front of a fan. So the wind, the wind blows on the phone.

• 54:53Speaker 01

  You just can't help that, that generation. I'm out, out and about. Don't know why you've got that treadmill.

• 55:00Speaker 00

  I got up at five, got up at five today. What time were you asleep? Doesn't matter. Was it seven? Yeah.

• 55:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's just bullshit.

• 55:10Speaker 01

  Hey, you lovely pair. Please keep me anonymous. I'm a day one listener, but first I'm emailer.

• 55:15Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 55:15Speaker 01

  I wanted to share a story of something horrific which happened to me, happened to me, sorry, in my youth. I was probably 17 years of age. I'm late 30s now and this still haunts me when I think of it. Let me set the scene. My first boyfriend had a house party one evening whilst his parents were away. There were only around 10 of us there, mostly couples. Sexy. My boyfriend at the time and I had only had sex a couple of times at this point and it was all very new and exciting and neither of us really knew what to do in terms of foreplay. Whilst the rest of the group were playing drinking games downstairs, we snuck up to his bedroom. One thing led to another and soon we were naked having foreplay, which I was trying to make last as A, we ladies know it helps and B, that's what I've seen in the films.

• 55:58Speaker 00

  Right. Couple of things. There's people downstairs.

• 56:01Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 56:01Speaker 00

  Having a party.

• 56:02Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 56:03Speaker 00

  Playing drinking games.

• 56:03Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 56:04Speaker 00

  And they've gone upstairs.

• 56:05Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 56:06Speaker 00

  Danger, perverted. Also.

• 56:09Speaker 01

  Do you remember being young?

• 56:11Speaker 00

  Do you think?

• 56:12Speaker 01

  I don't think you did stuff. Did you do stuff like this?

• 56:14Speaker 00

  Been like, there's people downstairs. What are you doing? Yeah. I've, we all know I'm boring.

• 56:20Speaker 01

  You're not that boring.

• 56:21Speaker 00

  I'm pretty boring. We all know I'm boring.

• 56:23Speaker 01

  You wouldn't have had sex in a house if there was people downstairs.

• 56:25Speaker 00

  What, are we, are they, are we on the night out with them or are they just there? Are we part of the, we're just disappearing? So we're just disappearing our sex while people downstairs.

• 56:33Speaker 01

  Disappeared to have fun. Oh my God.

• 56:36Speaker 00

  Ah, okay. Is it my house?

• 56:38Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 56:39Speaker 00

  Oh no, I've got to be down. No, they could be, God, they're not using coasters. They could be breaking plates. What, what if they're leaving the fridge to open?

• 56:44Speaker 01

  You lie, you lied to me. You lied to me when we first met and got married. Honestly, I swear to God, you lied. You were.

• 56:51Speaker 00

  Too late.

• 56:52Speaker 01

  You were not this. I'd say I didn't know you around this age. Well, I did, but I didn't hang out with you. All right. So like, you're nearly 18. You've got a girlfriend. You're having a house party.

• 57:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 57:05Speaker 01

  You wouldn't go upstairs and have sex?

• 57:08Speaker 00

  I don't think so. No.

• 57:09Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 57:10Speaker 00

  I think I might have been a bit, yeah. I have more chances of doing it now.

• 57:14Speaker 01

  That's, okay.

• 57:15Speaker 00

  Because I just don't like having people in my house. Can everyone leave? I'm going to have sex. Can everyone go? Um, first of all, um, sorry, second of all, having foreplay has upset us quite a lot.

• 57:25Speaker 01

  Why?

• 57:26Speaker 00

  Just weird. We're now having foreplay. It's just a weird, weird way of freezing it.

• 57:30Speaker 01

  I know, but foreplay, when you're young, foreplay is like.

• 57:32Speaker 00

  Doing foreplay.

• 57:33Speaker 01

  Amazing, but it's a waste of, honestly a waste of time in my opinion. Just, just come on. I'm going to time for that.

• 57:40Speaker 00

  Tik Tok.

• 57:41Speaker 01

  Literally. Um, my boyfriend was trying to get down to the deed, so I decided to do something really sexy that I'd seen in a film and bite his lip whilst kissing.

• 57:50Speaker 00

  Right.

• 57:51Speaker 01

  This is where Rosie's mysteries could come in.

• 57:55Speaker 01

  You're going to guess it straight away. And you might get PTSD.

• 58:00Speaker 00

  Right.

• 58:01Speaker 01

  As a, okay. What I hadn't mentioned before is that he had very bad acne.

• 58:06Speaker 00

  Oh no.

• 58:08Speaker 01

  I know.

• 58:09Speaker 00

  Oh, she's.

• 58:10Speaker 01

  Upon, upon biting his lip.

• 58:12Speaker 00

  She's popped the lip on the bottom.

• 58:13Speaker 01

  I felt something pop under my teeth.

• 58:15Speaker 00

  Spot on the bottom of his lip.

• 58:16Speaker 01

  I pulled away and put my finger behind my bottom tooth to find a circular intact whitehead.

• 58:25Speaker 01

  Oh no.

• 58:26Speaker 00

  Shout out to all of my acne sufferers. Hey, no, I'm still an acne sufferer. I was, I was picking some spots this morning. Luckily I've got a beard to hide a multitude of sins now, but I'm still getting them, especially I've been on tour. This is just not a good diet.

• 58:37Speaker 01

  What would you do before a sexual encounter? Would you squeeze all the ones around your lips?

• 58:41Speaker 00

  Didn't have them.

• 58:43Speaker 01

  Oh babe.

• 58:45Speaker 00

  I literally, I was dead lucky. I didn't have almost any interaction with girls. So I think when I was younger, when I'm me first kissing stuff, like right at the beginning of comp. And then I got really bad acne like year nine and year 10. Like I always had the odd one, but it was like fucking, like chronic acne.

• 59:06Speaker 01

  Oh bless your heart.

• 59:07Speaker 00

  Year nine, year 10. And then by year 11, it had gone. And then when I went to college, oh no, year 11, there was still something at the beginning. I got rid of it at the end of year 11. And then when I went to college, it was mainly gone. There was only the odd one. So.

• 59:17Speaker 01

  So that's why you weren't having sex upstairs? Because of the acne?

• 59:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, that's why I wasn't having sex, albeit and looked at by anyone apart from pointing going, fucking hell, what's wrong with him?

• 59:26Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 59:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was really bad, really, really bad.

• 59:29Speaker 01

  Oh, that breaks my heart.

• 59:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, year nine, year 10, year 11, really, really bad. Yeah.

• 59:33Speaker 01

  Oh babe, bless you.

• 59:34Speaker 00

  But I think it gave us thick skin. Not just because, not just because of the scar tissue. I think it gave us thick skin because I think it made us be able to be like quite funny and quite.

• 59:43Speaker 01

  Comedian story.

• 59:44Speaker 00

  Remarks. Yeah, yeah. It's like, obviously anyone's, we can stop holding hands now, but thank you for your support. Anyone's immediate go to thing was, you're spotty, you're spotty twat or whatever. So I had to have a multitude of comebacks, which you know. So yeah, sorry to bring my mood down. But that is, yeah, shout out to all my acne sufferers. That's, that's incredibly.

• 1:00:07Speaker 01

  Unlucky, isn't it?

• 1:00:08Speaker 00

  But also, God, if he's still fucking, he's, he's getting, getting down and dirty and he's got a face full of them. Fucking mammy, mammy.

• 1:00:15Speaker 01

  I mean, listen, as a spot lover, I'd have been your best mate. Like, I'd have gone wild.

• 1:00:21Speaker 00

  Not sexual though, just best mate, just friends, totally platonic, squeeze my face, but.

• 1:00:25Speaker 01

  Listen.

• 1:00:26Speaker 00

  I think you would have known.

• 1:00:27Speaker 01

  I had a little bag with me.

• 1:00:28Speaker 00

  Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

• 1:00:36Speaker 01

  Obviously, no, that's awful. I don't mean it.

• 1:00:37Speaker 00

  And that was just, that was a diss just at me, not at me. It was obviously just at me.

• 1:00:42Speaker 01

  Just to you.

• 1:00:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, I mean, awful.

• 1:00:45Speaker 01

  Well, I feel, well, I feel like we've ruined it now. But no, listen, how lovely is this? To save his embarrassment, I carried on and we had sex. Um, although after the disgust of that, I faked it to get over it and done it. Yeah, it's not, it's not the best, is it?

• 1:01:00Speaker 01

  Hi Rosie and Chris. Just listened to the episode where you talked about kids not running away anymore. And I wanted to tell you that they do.

• 1:01:06Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 1:01:06Speaker 01

  They do. My six-year-old daughter recently announced she's sick of us all and received a pack of suitcase containing her favourite teddies and three pairs of socks, a blanket in her backpack and a packed lunch of one banana, mini baby belt and a packet of Prune Cocktail crisps.

• 1:01:21Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 1:01:21Speaker 01

  She then took it one step further and called my grandma, her great-grandma, who lives 80 miles away and told her to sort her bed out because she's coming to live with them. When we asked how she plans on getting a grandma, she very confidently said, I'm getting seven buses.

• 1:01:36Speaker 01

  We weren't fit for laughter trying to collect ourselves. We almost didn't notice that she'd snuck into my parents' room, found the key for the safe and was about to commit a mini money heist in order to pay for our bus fare.

• 1:01:46Speaker 00

  No way.

• 1:01:47Speaker 01

  We managed to convince her to not leave to leave immediately because it was late and the buses weren't running. So she agreed to stay at home for the night, but was definitely moving out tomorrow. This went on for four days because she decided that actually she didn't want to move out because she'd missed the iPad.

• 1:02:02Speaker 00

  Brilliant.

• 1:02:02Speaker 01

  Um, and they attached a picture of her walking out the garden with her, with her suitcase. It's very cute. So yeah, kids do, apparently they do run away. I don't think boys run away.

• 1:02:12Speaker 00

  Got to see it. No, yeah.

• 1:02:14Speaker 01

  It's very much a girl thing. I think boys are just like.

• 1:02:16Speaker 00

  Incredibly advanced for a six-year-old. And as far as packed lunches go, banana, baby belt, packet of crisps here, but God, well done.

• 1:02:24Speaker 01

  A bit of bread and butter and she's absolutely sorted.

• 1:02:26Speaker 00

  Like, listen, like, you know, something's gone wrong because your child wants to leave, but diet wise, you're on the right track there. Maybe employ some of your diet repairing and into the other stuff and then, you know, you'll be all right. She'll not want to run away.

• 1:02:38Speaker 01

  Bless man.

• 1:02:40Speaker 00

  Fucking banana and a baby belt. Three pairs of socks.

• 1:02:42Speaker 01

  Three pairs of socks.

• 1:02:43Speaker 00

  Seven buses. Great. Fucking great, isn't it?

• 1:02:51Speaker 01

  Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shag Mar Denoyd.

• 1:02:54Speaker 00

  Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you. As always, if you want to get in touch, it's [email protected]. And I said the number earlier. Why are you on me back about it's not remembered number? You need to move on.

• 1:03:04Speaker 01

  It's not professional. How would you not know this by now?

• 1:03:07Speaker 00

  No, because as soon as I remember it, it'll have to change and I'll be like, I can't do this. I've memorized card details once and then the card ran out and honestly, it's never been the same since.

• 1:03:14Speaker 01

  It's pointless.

• 1:03:15Speaker 00

  Exactly. Bye.

• 1:03:16Speaker 01

  Bye.

• 1:03:27Speaker 02

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