Pod Insights Sh**ged Married Annoyed Please Keep Me Anonymous with Greg James and Alice Levine About this episode On the podcast this week Chris and Rosie Ramsey are joined by hosts of the new podcast Bad Chat and the team behind the Crossed Wires
podcast festival ( AKA Radio and Podcast Royalty), Greg James and Alice Levine!
What happens when four chatty broadcasters sit down in a room together? A whole lot! They discuss Greg and Alice's new podcast, Bad Chat, Greg's family member at Chris's gig and the pros and cons of doing a podcast as a married couple! They also chat about the joys of listener interaction and what makes the audience really angry!
All this, plus an email from a listener who would like some advice...anonymously!
You can listen and watch Bad Chat wherever you get your podcasts and for tickets to the the Crossed Wires festival visit crossedwires.live/line-up
If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast, then get in touch!
📧: [email protected]
📱: 07874 406650
You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed
YouTube channel: youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed
Today, get Huel’s full Lite & Lean Starter Kit online with our code SMA30 for 30% off at https://huel.com/SMA30. New Customers Only. Thank you to Huel for partnering and supporting our show!
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Transcript 0:01 Speaker 00 Born from the intensity of a night in the eternal city. Introducing Born in Roma fragrances by Valentino. Feminine perfume Donna Born in Roma features juicy black currant, central jasmine, soft cashmerin and warm vanilla. Masculine leaning but unisex Womo has notes of fresh violet leaf, aromatic sage, green vetiver and mineral salt. Shop holiday gifts at Macy's.com.
0:31 Speaker 01 This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. You can go deep, keep it on the ground, or draw up something nobody sees coming. And whether you want to run a flea flicker or the tush push, you need a plan to fit your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you so they can help personalize coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.
0:59 Speaker 02 Hello, you all listening and watching. Shag my urinal, please keep me anonymous.
1:03 Speaker 03 And this week we are joined by the hosts of the Bad Chat Podcast and the team behind the Crossed Wires Podcast Festival. It's Alice Levine and Greg James. We had a right good laugh.
1:15 Speaker 02 Really, really, really good laugh.
1:16 Speaker 03 I've known Greg loads, known Greg for years. He's a great guy. Alice, that's the first time I've had a full-on chat with Alice.
1:21 Speaker 02 Me too.
1:22 Speaker 03 She is unbelievably funny.
1:23 Speaker 02 Well, as a diehard porno, my dad wrote a porno.
1:26 Speaker 03 Yes, I'm a fan of just porno in general, but carry on.
1:28 Speaker 02 Obviously.
1:29 Speaker 03 Yep.
1:29 Speaker 02 Not since you got to put your E-nail in.
1:31 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:31 Speaker 02 No. But that was great. Really, really nice to meet her and she's so funny.
1:36 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:36 Speaker 02 Loved it, loved every second of it.
1:37 Speaker 03 Brilliant, both of them are great. I usually get a VPN by the way, but I'll tell you about that later.
1:40 Speaker 02 I'm not getting a VPN.
1:40 Speaker 03 You need a VPN.
1:41 Speaker 02 I'm fine, I live without it, I'm fine.
1:43 Speaker 03 Great. So yes, please subscribe if you're watching on YouTube and if you're just listening, enjoy.
1:50 Speaker 02 Miss porn.
2:08 Speaker 04 Go.
2:10 Speaker 03 No, but you just did a thousand kilometres on a bike.
2:13 Speaker 05 I did.
2:14 Speaker 03 And you were, what were you, were you in Sunderland for the big weekend?
2:16 Speaker 05 We're doing Big Weekend. I'm going, I'm going to Sunderland next week for a whole week, yeah.
2:20 Speaker 03 Right, so it was really weird. Well, mate, I was on the, I was on the school run, right? And Rosie rang us and she went, I've just been listening, Greg James is in Sunderland. He's in that middle bit in the centre. Are you driving past it? I was like, I think so. Which pop in and say hi. I don't think that's how it works.
2:32 Speaker 05 You could have popped in.
2:32 Speaker 03 I know, it's got, hello, Mary. Hi, Mary.
2:34 Speaker 05 That would have been great.
2:35 Speaker 03 What are you doing?
2:36 Speaker 04 I popped in and said hi.
2:36 Speaker 05 Yeah, we were in Kiel Square.
2:38 Speaker 04 Yeah.
2:38 Speaker 03 Yes.
2:39 Speaker 05 So, so we've been there. So we launched Big Weekend in January. We did, finished one of the legs of the challenge in Sunderland. And then we're going back next week to do the build up for Big Weekend in Sunderland. Harrington Park.
2:48 Speaker 04 Harrington Park, yeah. But he hates talking about the ride. Please don't talk about the ride. He hates about how much.
2:52 Speaker 05 I didn't bring it up.
2:53 Speaker 04 All the money he raised, he hates talking about it. So just don't, yeah. He's a national treasure, but he would never say that, you know.
2:59 Speaker 05 I didn't bring it up.
2:59 Speaker 04 Will he get a knighthood? We don't know, but he doesn't want to talk about it.
3:02 Speaker 03 So let's be honest, that's the only reason he's doing it.
3:03 Speaker 04 Yeah, absolutely.
3:04 Speaker 03 Perfectly honest, yeah.
3:05 Speaker 05 What I will say is the reception in the North East.
3:08 Speaker 03 Yeah.
3:09 Speaker 05 Best.
3:09 Speaker 04 Best place in the world. It's amazing.
3:11 Speaker 05 It is. I lo-, I love it.
3:12 Speaker 03 I came fourth in Strictly just because of the North East.
3:15 Speaker 05 Yeah.
3:16 Speaker 03 Just because of the North East people.
3:17 Speaker 04 And the hips.
3:21 Speaker 04 The hips. They don't like. You, you know why you came for.
3:25 Speaker 05 He's still dancing though.
3:26 Speaker 03 Eh, no, I've got no.
3:27 Speaker 05 You can still do it, I can't, yeah.
3:29 Speaker 03 Not really.
3:30 Speaker 04 No, he's never danced since.
3:31 Speaker 03 I still do a bit of Charleston. I can do the little, the foot swivel of the Charleston. I throw it in a stand up show now and then.
3:36 Speaker 05 Yeah.
3:37 Speaker 04 Would you do it like from, you know, hob to fridge? Would you just do a little? How big do you think our house is?
3:44 Speaker 03 Yeah, we live in the north. It's massive. I'll be knackered. I can't dance from hob to fridge. It's too post code.
3:49 Speaker 04 And I was just thinking, there's not, there's not enough distance between mine to do a move. So, yeah, yeah.
3:53 Speaker 03 I'll tandem bike it.
3:54 Speaker 05 Yeah, that was actually, that was going to be one of the legs. One of the legs was going to be from your front door to your back garden.
3:59 Speaker 03 Yeah, you wouldn't, you wouldn't survive it.
4:00 Speaker 05 That would have been a ninety miles. A ninety miles in a day would have been my longest day.
4:04 Speaker 04 Here you go. Here you go. How much did you raise?
4:06 Speaker 05 Oh, I can't remember. It was like 4.6 million.
4:10 Speaker 03 That's amazing.
4:11 Speaker 02 That's so good.
4:12 Speaker 05 It was a cool week.
4:13 Speaker 03 Well done, man.
4:14 Speaker 02 Well done. Shall we give them a clap? Shall we do this around?
4:18 Speaker 04 Yeah, I think.
4:18 Speaker 05 No, I don't need any more praise. It was a mad thing though.
4:22 Speaker 04 Also, quiet claps for the mics, they're really pathetic.
4:25 Speaker 03 Well, we actually.
4:25 Speaker 02 Oh, have you seen this, by the way? Have you seen this recently? I hate it so much. It's so, for everyone listening, it's the little hand, little dub, like, finger clap. It makes us wanna vomit.
4:34 Speaker 05 I like, do you remember in school, you used to do that, two finger on the, like, little?
4:38 Speaker 02 The cloud clap now, have you not seen that?
4:40 Speaker 05 Oh, they just waved, don't they?
4:41 Speaker 02 It's like cloud clap in schools.
4:43 Speaker 05 They, they cloud clap now.
4:45 Speaker 04 And, and for the purposes of audio, we're pretending we're holding a beach ball and like, sort of tacking it gently.
4:49 Speaker 03 Why, why is this?
4:50 Speaker 02 Yeah, why do you clap? I think it's for children who are a bit sensitive to, like, loud noises.
4:54 Speaker 05 Yes, yeah, no clapping. So it's quite eerie, you do something amazing in class and it's just silence.
5:00 Speaker 03 I remember when, um, I remember when, when Covid happened and people started doing, stand-up comics started doing gigs, uh, drive-in gigs. And I heard that if you, if the la, I never did one, rather die, rather catch Covid. And, and I heard that if you did well, they would beep. And I was like, I'm not having that.
5:17 Speaker 04 I can't.
5:17 Speaker 03 I was like, I'm not, I'm not having that.
5:19 Speaker 02 That's so sad.
5:20 Speaker 03 You're on stage, so instead of something like a clap, everyone would start beeping.
5:23 Speaker 05 A beep's a heckle.
5:24 Speaker 03 But in my opinion, a beep is a heckle.
5:26 Speaker 05 A beep is a, a beep is a heckle in traffic, isn't it? You're heckling the traffic.
5:29 Speaker 02 And where are they, surely people are gonna come and.
5:31 Speaker 03 On stage, like a drive-in theatre, well, it'll be like a big field somewhere, drive-in, everyone does the drive, but like, I find it.
5:35 Speaker 02 Are you telling me that doesn't put you off for everyone to?
5:37 Speaker 03 I wouldn't do it. Yeah, I wouldn't, I wouldn't have done them. And now, I was very lucky, we had the podcast and I didn't have to do one. But I remember thinking, I get distracted when someone gets up to go to the toilet in a comedy club, imagine if.
5:46 Speaker 05 Oh, beep, beep. My auntie.
5:49 Speaker 03 Oh my god, yes.
5:50 Speaker 05 Auntie Pam.
5:51 Speaker 03 He phoned me one morning when I was on tour, I forgot all about this, go on, tell everyone.
5:55 Speaker 05 Well, my auntie interrupted your comedy show.
5:58 Speaker 03 Yes, yes.
5:59 Speaker 05 At Weymouth Pavilion.
6:00 Speaker 03 Weymouth Pavilion.
6:00 Speaker 05 And we got you on the radio the next day because she got up and she, did she drop some drinks?
6:04 Speaker 03 She was, uh, and like, uh, you know, the, the person who's, well, she was working there, wasn't she? Sounding like the ice creams and stuff, she dropped a full tray of them. While I was on, and I was like, what the hell? And I was like, obviously not nasty, but give her a bit of grief. Well, I gave her a lot of grief that I realised she was a nice lady who worked there. So the grief got reined in quite a bit. And yeah, next morning, Greg James is ringing us up on the, you've been shouting my auntie.
6:27 Speaker 05 It was Auntie Pam. All my cousins were like, Chris Ramsey's had a go at Pam.
6:30 Speaker 04 I know. I also love the grief backpedal, where you're like, what the f- hey, Belle?
6:36 Speaker 03 What, you're working? Yeah. My screams, before the, before the frost.
6:43 Speaker 04 What are you like? Oh, get out of there.
6:44 Speaker 05 Oh, you look a bit like Greg James.
6:50 Speaker 05 Yeah.
6:51 Speaker 03 Did she not say it on the ti- at the time? She didn't, she was very cool. But it was the phone call the next day. Imagine immediately she went, leave me alone, I'm Greg James's auntie. I will drop as much ice cream as I want. It's the goddamn breakfast toast of Radio One. I can't remember, did someone get in touch with us? Or did you just ring us or message us off the bell?
7:07 Speaker 05 I think my cousins might have let me know and I messaged.
7:10 Speaker 03 Yeah, but I'm saying, did you, I don't think my management got in touch. I think you just rang us off the bell.
7:14 Speaker 05 Yeah.
7:14 Speaker 03 Yeah.
7:15 Speaker 05 Get me Ramsay.
7:15 Speaker 03 Yeah. Not much content today. Ramsay's been heckling me auntie.
7:19 Speaker 05 Are you joking? That is got, that is the content we all want.
7:22 Speaker 03 Yeah. Waking up to that is like the dream.
7:25 Speaker 05 Chris Ramsey's had a go at my auntie. Yeah, we, we cancelled Timothy Chalamet.
7:29 Speaker 03 Taylor Swift, Taylor Swift back on your jets.
7:32 Speaker 04 Tell Margo it's done.
7:33 Speaker 05 There was no music that day. It was just that. It turned into Five Live. Yeah.
7:39 Speaker 04 Pam having a moment. You guys are doing a podcast together?
7:43 Speaker 03 Yes. Yes. Nice. Obviously.
7:45 Speaker 05 About time.
7:46 Speaker 03 Yeah.
7:46 Speaker 05 Isn't it?
7:47 Speaker 04 We really feel like we're joining at the, at the, people aren't doing many of them. So we thought we would.
7:52 Speaker 03 It's about time you, of all people, dip your toe in the podcast world.
7:55 Speaker 04 I just thought, I like the sound of these. Um, yes, we are. Any advice?
8:01 Speaker 03 Get married?
8:03 Speaker 04 It's on the cards.
8:06 Speaker 05 I think I'm your third wife. Third wife?
8:08 Speaker 04 Third wife down the, not at the same time, you mean down the line?
8:12 Speaker 05 No, not my, no.
8:12 Speaker 04 Third marriage.
8:13 Speaker 05 Yeah, third, yeah, not my third, not collecting them. No, like a third, my third marriage could be Alice.
8:18 Speaker 04 That's, that's.
8:19 Speaker 05 I mean, could.
8:21 Speaker 02 What happened? How many, what, what, who's getting married?
8:23 Speaker 04 I think Greg's suggesting his current wife would die or you'd get divorced. Then there'd be another wife and then he would consider marrying me, which I think.
8:31 Speaker 05 I think there'd be a buffer.
8:33 Speaker 03 Yeah.
8:33 Speaker 05 It'd have to be a buffer, yeah.
8:34 Speaker 02 Okay. Listen, it's good to have a friendship.
8:37 Speaker 04 People would kill to be third wife.
8:39 Speaker 03 That's a win in my book.
8:40 Speaker 04 Yeah, I know. I can't, I can't hope for more.
8:42 Speaker 03 Yeah.
8:42 Speaker 05 Do you feel like it strengthened your marriage? Cause I did a podcast with my actual wife, Bella, and we hated it by the end.
8:48 Speaker 02 Oh, right.
8:49 Speaker 03 It's a lot of that.
8:50 Speaker 05 Well, it's just, I know, but I know that you've cleverly put it into the show, but actually there's also like a real thing behind it sometimes where you're like, the last thing you want to do is just sit and chat with them all day.
8:59 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah. God, yeah.
8:59 Speaker 05 But on mic as well.
9:00 Speaker 04 And laugh at their jokes.
9:01 Speaker 02 Oh, well, sometimes, I mean, there's days I just don't. And they don't, but I think.
9:06 Speaker 05 Just pipe, just pipe in the laughter.
9:07 Speaker 02 Yeah, I think our listeners know and they kind of get it and it's like, but there has been times when we're having to, we, we give ourselves, it's the most ridiculous thing ever. We give ourselves a buffer of like three days to do the podcast.
9:18 Speaker 03 Yeah.
9:18 Speaker 05 Right.
9:19 Speaker 02 Genuinely, because it's like, if we're not speaking, we can't do it.
9:23 Speaker 05 Yeah.
9:23 Speaker 04 Oh, not a buffer of not talking to each other, so you have chat.
9:26 Speaker 03 You know, a buffer of, a buffer.
9:27 Speaker 02 No, we just won't, you can't do it.
9:28 Speaker 03 We'll do it Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday and we'll see what day we'll feel. I have to keep all three days free. So people go, oh, you just sit down, talk for an hour. It takes three days to do.
9:37 Speaker 02 It's a lot, it's a lot, but has it, honestly, I think about this quite a lot actually because we don't know any different. We were married obviously for a little bit, but that, that was the really happy.
9:49 Speaker 05 Yeah.
9:49 Speaker 02 You know, when you're really happy at the beginning.
9:52 Speaker 05 But also, also pandemic though as well.
9:54 Speaker 02 We did it in the pandemic.
9:55 Speaker 05 So like quite.
9:56 Speaker 02 So stressful.
9:56 Speaker 03 We were married before then, we were married before then.
9:58 Speaker 02 Yeah, but that was when we were, that was like, that was nice.
10:02 Speaker 04 That was the good times.
10:03 Speaker 03 Well, no, 2015, pandemic happened 2020.
10:05 Speaker 02 Good, they were good times.
10:06 Speaker 03 Yeah.
10:07 Speaker 02 But I don't know anything else.
10:08 Speaker 03 Yeah.
10:09 Speaker 04 Because you're, because you're institutionalized into the podcast.
10:12 Speaker 02 Institution guys.
10:14 Speaker 03 Great words to talk about.
10:15 Speaker 04 You're like in, you're in, basically. I know nothing, I know nothing else is quite strong as well.
10:20 Speaker 02 Am I happy? I don't even know.
10:21 Speaker 04 Who knows what happiness is anymore, right?
10:23 Speaker 05 I think, I think that sometimes on the breakfast show where I, me and my producers will just go, do we, well, what do we actually like? Because we've, we've spent, I've spent so many years just, just like, yeah. Watching and listening to loads of the, kind of all the listeners love. I'm like, what do I, what's my actual personality? Do I, do I like this?
10:44 Speaker 02 Oh shit.
10:44 Speaker 05 Oh no, it's good. No, it is good. I do, I like, I don't know what I like anymore.
10:48 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:48 Speaker 05 It's like, I'm with you.
10:50 Speaker 02 Kind of like that, but also, yes. It's, I think we do it really well and I think we're, we're still happily married.
10:56 Speaker 05 Yeah.
10:56 Speaker 02 But also we learned, one of the things is that our marriage is genuinely like more important than all of this.
11:02 Speaker 05 Yeah.
11:03 Speaker 02 So when that.
11:03 Speaker 05 You would hope so.
11:04 Speaker 02 Well, I think, I think that more than you.
11:07 Speaker 05 Chris doesn't agree.
11:08 Speaker 02 Yeah, I think.
11:09 Speaker 03 I've seen him as one and the same thing.
11:11 Speaker 04 Yeah, no, quite.
11:12 Speaker 05 Yeah. Well.
11:13 Speaker 04 With the, with the cost of gas right now, which one's more important?
11:16 Speaker 05 Yeah, that's true.
11:17 Speaker 02 I'll sacrifice.
11:18 Speaker 05 So just to sum up, we're not married, but we do have a podcast.
11:21 Speaker 04 Yeah, it's called Bad Chat.
11:22 Speaker 03 Bad Chat, yes.
11:23 Speaker 04 And I hope that it will be a podcast marriage of many years.
11:27 Speaker 05 Yeah.
11:28 Speaker 04 We're only on episode one.
11:29 Speaker 05 Yeah.
11:30 Speaker 04 I've got two, we've done two.
11:31 Speaker 05 Because I've known Alice for so long. And I've wanted to do, we've never actually done a, a work thing together, but we've been friends for ages.
11:39 Speaker 02 You were on the orbit.
11:40 Speaker 05 Yeah, and she would always, I'd be on, do we do radio stuff together, but it would never be like official. And obviously Alice is like the fairy pod mother of podcasts.
11:48 Speaker 02 Yeah, I was a big, I was a big porno fan.
11:51 Speaker 05 Yeah, but she was doing it before it was even a thing, really.
11:53 Speaker 04 I invented them, yeah.
11:54 Speaker 05 Invented podcasts.
11:55 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:55 Speaker 05 Yeah, you did world tours.
11:57 Speaker 04 It's a burden I have to carry. Um, you're welcome. Uh, for your livelihood.
12:01 Speaker 03 Listen, you're very much paved the way for us, like, yeah, we were, yeah, definitely.
12:05 Speaker 02 We'll copy that model. Thank you.
12:07 Speaker 03 We, we were coming, when we were coming up with the name of the podcast and we said Shag Mariner, someone on our team was like, ah, shagged, it's, it's a little bit, and we were like, right, but it should be fine. They went, call on it shagged. They went, my, my dad wrote a porno, you know porno, that gave them, that was hard for them. We were like, oh, it's done them. It's terribly, they've suffered so badly.
12:25 Speaker 04 Can you imagine if we had a better name?
12:26 Speaker 03 Yeah.
12:28 Speaker 04 But no, people did say that back then. They said that we wouldn't, we wouldn't become anything. Look, we showed them. Um, yeah, well, that was when there were three podcasts. So yeah, you either listen to our podcast or the other two, whatever they were.
12:42 Speaker 02 Talking about serial.
12:43 Speaker 04 Exactly. Our serial on the radio. And then we got Channel Four, didn't we? More podcasts came along. Um, yeah. It was, it was a long time ago, but we were saying that we have done, obviously we've done radio, we've done, our Greg has 13 podcasts.
13:02 Speaker 04 One for every day of the year. And we were just like, we want to do one where we kind of, like you, chat like we would chat. You know, we don't have to hit the news or, you know, be on topic or have a theme.
13:15 Speaker 05 Play Alex Warren.
13:16 Speaker 04 Exactly. You play Alex Warren three times an hour. So I feel like what we've struggled with is telling people what it is. Cause it's kind of whatever we want.
13:26 Speaker 02 It's free, it's free. Yeah.
13:27 Speaker 05 But that's the joy of your podcast is like, it's stuff.
13:30 Speaker 04 Yeah.
13:30 Speaker 03 Just chatting.
13:30 Speaker 05 Stuff and listeners and emails. And I mean, dare I say it, radio.
13:36 Speaker 04 Ooh.
13:37 Speaker 05 You know, you, you did radio, you've both done radio, you did loads of radio.
13:40 Speaker 04 Yeah.
13:40 Speaker 05 Yeah. And it's just that sort of, let's run with that bit now. Let's take that tiny little idea and go, where could that go? Nowhere. Maybe the next one.
13:49 Speaker 04 Yeah.
13:49 Speaker 05 And that, and that's, that's sort of how, I mean, we, like any good friendship, you exchange just bits the whole time. And it's just either piss taking or sending each other ridiculous stuff that makes us laugh. So that, that's sort of what we want it to be. We want it to be a podcast that people just go, oh yeah, we're going to send that to Alison and Greg. They'll love that. They'll love that.
14:09 Speaker 04 That kind of club.
14:10 Speaker 05 Those are the best sorts of radio shows and podcasts, aren't they?
14:13 Speaker 03 It's unbelievable. Like, oh, our listeners, the stuff they've sent us. I thank them all the time. Like, cause I've, and I've said this before, when I first got into telling them, we're like, oh, cause you do comedy, you do stand up and you chat to the crowd and you get loads of good stuff from the crowd. And then you start doing telling, you go, oh, the crowd. And TV people go, oh no, not the crowd. Don't bother with the crowd.
14:30 Speaker 05 It's funny, isn't it?
14:30 Speaker 03 And you go, what the heck? And then we started doing this. And we're like, oh, we'll get the people to send stuff in. And thank God, man, there's still to this day. Unbelievable stuff that they keep sending in. It's phenomenal.
14:40 Speaker 05 But it's the sort of, it's the, it's the Terry Wogan trick back in the old days where he just did sort of three or four years of that breakfast show that he did on Radio Two. And then he just said, I think it was in his book, he just said, then the listeners just write the show for you every day. Really, you just have to be the person in the middle to bring it all together and just like throw in the funny, the funny little bit. And that TV thing I find, I find so interesting because if you watch a show like Graham Norton.
15:02 Speaker 03 Yeah.
15:02 Speaker 05 Obviously, he's the best in the world at his job. But it's so funny how the stars, the A-listers are like the main thing. And at the end, they're like, let's put that funny listener in the chair and then flush them away if they do a shit story.
15:13 Speaker 03 Yeah.
15:13 Speaker 02 Yeah.
15:14 Speaker 05 Well, you've just had some guests on have told pretty shit stories. And I've tried to get rid of fucking Tom Idleson or whatever, you know, but, but you've, I find that so strange. And I've always kind of gone with radio, it's always the listeners have all the good stuff.
15:27 Speaker 03 Yeah.
15:27 Speaker 05 And they actually make the celebrity way funnier because they're, the interaction between a listener called Darren, who's just like on his, you know, just driving around or whatever.
15:36 Speaker 03 Yeah.
15:37 Speaker 05 Talking to The Rock. That's way funnier than just hearing from The Rock.
15:41 Speaker 02 Totally.
15:41 Speaker 05 So the listeners always have the best stuff because they're truly engaged in what you're doing.
15:46 Speaker 02 I think you're gonna get some really good stuff.
15:48 Speaker 04 It's all like, do you ever go and look at all the comments under like an annoying video or like?
15:52 Speaker 02 It's all I do.
15:53 Speaker 04 People are so funny. People's comments are so funny. And I read them and I'm like, if I could have come up with that one liner. And your job is being like a pediatrician.
16:03 Speaker 02 Yeah.
16:03 Speaker 04 Or like a builder or like a lawyer. And yet you've done the best singer I've seen all day.
16:07 Speaker 03 Yeah. A 6,000 likes on an Instagram thing.
16:10 Speaker 04 Honestly, they kill me. They kill me.
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17:46 Speaker 05 There was a bit that was on the first episode, which Alice, what was it about the? Well, you should explain it. It was your, it was your finding.
17:54 Speaker 04 The moment.
17:55 Speaker 05 The moment.
17:55 Speaker 04 My friend who's a doctor told me that horses' legs are their fingers. So through evolution, they have, they have turned into legs, but they are fingers and they're, they're.
18:08 Speaker 02 It's disgusting.
18:09 Speaker 04 It's disgusting.
18:09 Speaker 05 It is quite disgusting.
18:10 Speaker 04 It's chilling.
18:10 Speaker 02 It's so disgusting.
18:12 Speaker 04 And there's more to it than that and it's more complicated than that. Of course, we, we didn't realize that or do that. So now everybody on the internet's really mad at me and it's been clipped up and it's gone, it like wildfire. And I'm, I like every two to three years, I'll post something on Instagram. You know, like I'm, I'm a social media guru. And so the first thing that I've said on the internet since like 1994.
18:35 Speaker 02 It's gone mad.
18:36 Speaker 04 There's a pylon. There's a major pylon.
18:37 Speaker 02 What, are people not, if they're not happy or something?
18:40 Speaker 04 I think there's.
18:41 Speaker 05 People aren't ever happy.
18:42 Speaker 02 What?
18:42 Speaker 04 It's, it's really united.
18:44 Speaker 03 I've got questions about this horse.
18:45 Speaker 04 Yeah, okay, sure, sure, sure. And I'm definitely the person to answer it.
18:47 Speaker 05 But the funny, the funniest comment that I saw, which I might even steal for the next episode without crediting the guy.
18:54 Speaker 04 Yeah.
18:54 Speaker 05 Is that he was like, so that makes, so that essentially makes the entire horse a hand.
19:01 Speaker 03 Yeah.
19:02 Speaker 02 Yeah.
19:03 Speaker 03 So that's my question is, is that four fingers? Or is that four legs where one finger's took over on each leg?
19:10 Speaker 04 Thank you for your question, Chris. So just to explain this in terms you'll understand. I don't know. I don't know. I'm so out of my depth.
19:20 Speaker 02 Were they at one point, just like a carcass being dragged along with little nubbins?
19:24 Speaker 05 No, they used to roll them.
19:25 Speaker 02 Like, yeah, little nubs.
19:26 Speaker 05 Horses, they used to just roll horses.
19:28 Speaker 04 At one point there were fists and then they just sort of.
19:34 Speaker 03 Who was his friend? Are they a doctor or a vet?
19:37 Speaker 04 Well, this is the thing. The comments are like, your friend should be struck off.
19:41 Speaker 02 Oh, for God's sake.
19:42 Speaker 04 People are so angry. But what's really funny about it is.
19:46 Speaker 05 And he has been. He has been.
19:47 Speaker 04 We had so many chats in that.
19:49 Speaker 02 He's lost his job.
19:50 Speaker 03 He's been arrested.
19:51 Speaker 04 He's in front of a tribunal, as he should be. But we said so many things on that episode and it's the stuff that you don't even think about. Like, that really catches people's imaginations. And people, my favourite comment was, "You absolute Brit." And I didn't know that that was an insult, but people are, "You absolute Brit", because a lot of Americans in the comments.
20:11 Speaker 02 Oh, really?
20:11 Speaker 04 Very livid. People just loving to have a sense of humour bypass about it as well, because people are like, "Did she not learn this at school?" I'm like, "Learn this? This is not my..."
20:20 Speaker 02 That's not, I didn't learn that about evolution.
20:22 Speaker 05 What lesson is that? What was that in?
20:23 Speaker 02 I learnt about the, um...
20:24 Speaker 03 Just, yeah, don't pay no attention. Just give them the horse's leg.
20:28 Speaker 05 Exactly. Yeah. But that's the stuff. And also when.
20:33 Speaker 04 It's actually excellent.
20:34 Speaker 02 Lovely.
20:37 Speaker 05 Actually, all four of us can make up a horse.
20:39 Speaker 03 There it is. Yeah. Yeah, I've got a horse on me own.
20:43 Speaker 04 Oh, my God. Yeah. So now I'm never posting anything on the internet.
20:46 Speaker 02 No, well, I would stick away from, like, religion, evolution, all that kind of stuff.
20:50 Speaker 04 The big three: religion, evolution.
20:53 Speaker 03 Horses, equestrian legs. As soon as people, as soon as you put a different opinion on the internet, that's it. They're just like, "Well, we're obviously fighting now." And you're like.
21:01 Speaker 02 But you know what my problem is, though? I don't know whether it's because of where I was brought up or just, I just want to fight them. So part of me wants to go, all right then babe, come and let's come and we'll meet up and we'll have a fight.
21:14 Speaker 03 So that's why.
21:14 Speaker 02 So that's why I can't, I can't look because I will message him and go.
21:17 Speaker 03 That's why I find the traitors, I find the traitors amazing, but I find it to be a tough watch. Because I'm not from a place where you sit around a table telling people what you think of them and it doesn't end up in the fucking car park.
21:29 Speaker 02 Shouting that someone's a liar.
21:31 Speaker 03 Well, I think you're a liar and I think you're two-faced. Well, this table's getting flipped over and we're going in the fucking car park. Like, do you understand?
21:37 Speaker 05 I would love this. You just write on a little board and it just goes.
21:46 Speaker 02 They're busy filming now, aren't they?
21:48 Speaker 03 Yeah, they're doing the new one now.
21:50 Speaker 04 Would you? Surely, yes.
21:51 Speaker 02 Oh, I would love to. I'm a fan of it.
21:54 Speaker 03 We'd get voted out straight away for being a couple. They'd be like, no, you're a couple. No one would trust you. They'd get rid of you.
21:58 Speaker 04 I don't think it's because you're a couple. I think it's because you're untrustworthy.
22:02 Speaker 02 And that.
22:04 Speaker 03 Car park now.
22:06 Speaker 05 Please don't.
22:09 Speaker 04 Even the mime, I was like, I'm not committing.
22:11 Speaker 03 What have you done to your back?
22:12 Speaker 04 Oh, I don't know. I woke up and it was.
22:14 Speaker 03 Oh, the, oh, the worst way to injure yourself, sleeping wrong.
22:17 Speaker 04 I know.
22:18 Speaker 03 Isn't it pathetic?
22:19 Speaker 04 It's so sad. It's so, so sad. And I feel so sorry for myself. And I also feel delighted because I'm on co-codamol. I don't know what any of you are saying. I'm like, hey, yeah, good one.
22:30 Speaker 05 This is going to very quickly turn into what it's like when my mum and dad see some of their friends and all they talk about are ailments the whole time.
22:37 Speaker 04 You wouldn't believe it.
22:37 Speaker 05 His knee is getting better, but the shoulder needs attention. He's seeing a surgeon.
22:42 Speaker 04 But Marion's wrist is still, it's not back to normal yet.
22:45 Speaker 05 And she just slipped up the step. Could happen to any of us.
22:49 Speaker 03 The most pathetic ways of hurting yourself, biting the inside of your mouth, literally eating yourself. And sleeping wrong. Your body's gone out. It was a good sleep.
22:57 Speaker 04 Stubbing your toes up there.
22:58 Speaker 03 Stubbing your toes up there.
22:59 Speaker 02 I broke my toe.
23:00 Speaker 04 Stubbing it.
23:01 Speaker 02 By stubbing it.
23:02 Speaker 03 I've never heard a noise like it. It sounded like an egg hitting a tile.
23:06 Speaker 02 On the island, so we've got like an island and I just turned around to leave the room and I just whack, like on the.
23:12 Speaker 04 Pure marble.
23:12 Speaker 02 On the thing.
23:13 Speaker 03 It was awful. Pure marble.
23:15 Speaker 05 Wow. He's dancing around with the dinner.
23:19 Speaker 05 Can you take this seriously, please?
23:20 Speaker 02 It's all going on.
23:23 Speaker 02 Right, okay.
23:24 Speaker 04 I'm still working with an egg dropped on the floor. That's horrible.
23:27 Speaker 05 The noise was egg.
23:29 Speaker 03 An egg being dropped on a tile.
23:30 Speaker 02 Like a raw rag, like a crap.
23:32 Speaker 03 I've never heard a noise like that in my life and she just dropped to the deck. Yeah.
23:35 Speaker 04 Sorry, it's not funny.
23:36 Speaker 02 Worst of childhood.
23:37 Speaker 04 Worst of childhood, I promise it wasn't.
23:39 Speaker 05 Was it a bit, not a bit funny? No, no, no.
23:41 Speaker 03 No, the noise made it not, the noise made it not funny. I don't laugh that much when people get, when they're hurt. If I'm with them and they get hurt, I don't laugh that much.
23:48 Speaker 04 In video form, quite nice.
23:49 Speaker 03 Video form, if I don't know you.
23:51 Speaker 05 If I'm scrolling, that's the funniest thing I've ever seen.
23:53 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:54 Speaker 04 Face planting on a concrete slab.
23:56 Speaker 05 Got your CCTV in the house?
23:56 Speaker 04 Oh, pump it into my veins, yeah.
23:58 Speaker 03 What did you say?
23:59 Speaker 05 I was only CCTV in the house. That would have gone viral.
24:03 Speaker 02 It would have, now everyone just wants to go viral.
24:04 Speaker 04 That's how they make their money, 250 quid, 250 quid.
24:08 Speaker 05 Alice, it's not on the internet, so thinks that every clip is like You've Been Framed still. But Instagram and TikTok.
24:14 Speaker 02 Was that what your reference was then, the 250 quid?
24:16 Speaker 05 It was 250 quid for every clip we show.
24:17 Speaker 02 So many people will not have got that at all for that time.
24:20 Speaker 04 Sorry, sorry for being really young.
24:21 Speaker 05 We won't return your tapes.
24:23 Speaker 03 I used to think 250 quid was a lot until I worked in telly and then I worked out how long an episode of You've Been, of, of, of, yeah, You've Been Framed was. And how, and like, they were making episodes for five grand.
24:33 Speaker 04 Yeah.
24:35 Speaker 05 And it was voiceover.
24:36 Speaker 03 It was voiceover.
24:36 Speaker 05 So there's no presenter.
24:37 Speaker 03 It's unbelievable.
24:38 Speaker 04 Oh, no, Beedle.
24:39 Speaker 05 Well, yeah, Beedle, then Lisa Riley, then Harry Hill.
24:41 Speaker 03 Well, there was Harry Hill, yeah.
24:42 Speaker 04 Are we alienating everyone that's listening?
24:43 Speaker 05 That's the real eras tour for me. You've Been Framed, it was, it was Beedle, Lisa Riley for Imidale.
24:50 Speaker 04 Yeah.
24:51 Speaker 05 Then it was Harry Hill.
24:52 Speaker 02 God, I love it, You've Been Framed.
24:54 Speaker 05 Oh, yeah.
24:54 Speaker 02 Our kids still sometimes watch programmes like that. There's, I think they're called like, what are they called on YouTube? Just laughing or something. What they're called, no, but the kids love it.
25:02 Speaker 05 It's the mime one, it's the French one, is it? It's the one they do like little mime tricks.
25:07 Speaker 02 No, oh no, I know what you're thinking of, it's not that.
25:09 Speaker 05 Not that.
25:10 Speaker 02 This is just You've Been Framed, but on YouTube.
25:12 Speaker 04 I love you describing You've Been Framed and you're like, oh yeah, I think I know what it is. Is it a subtitled film set in the countryside in France? Yeah, it's about a young woman who has a difficult relationship with her father and I think by the end you feel, it's different, it's different, which are my different things.
25:26 Speaker 05 I really wish it was about eyebrow. It's basically a man like pulling a hanky out of someone's ear. I wish it was eyebrow.
25:33 Speaker 02 Honestly, you've changed since you wrote that book.
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27:05 Speaker 03 You guys have got a story?
27:08 Speaker 02 Yes.
27:09 Speaker 03 To read out? Oh, yeah. We have no idea what this is. Okay. So, really, though?
27:14 Speaker 02 No, genuinely.
27:15 Speaker 03 Promise. You know what it is? You're sorry, sorry, sorry. We're too lazy. No, I'm gonna have to say, you sound like the reviewers who reviewed our live tour. And it literally said- I am the reviewers, the reviewers. It literally said, he claims he doesn't know what the emails say, but he clearly doesn't. And I didn't, every single night, I didn't know what the emails say. It's called acting, darling. I just riffed, "It's called being a goddamn comedian."
27:35 Speaker 05 Didn't you sell out the O2?
27:36 Speaker 03 We did sell out the O2.
27:37 Speaker 05 Fuck those guys.
27:38 Speaker 03 That is mega.
27:40 Speaker 02 Fuck you.
27:41 Speaker 03 O2, Wembley, Palladium on the same run.
27:43 Speaker 05 Same night.
27:44 Speaker 03 Same night. Same night. The taxi driver was loving it.
27:47 Speaker 05 Back to back. Okay, guys, right, 20,000 people, over the road, we're going to Wembley to do this all again. And it's new emails, new emails, I promise.
27:55 Speaker 03 He claims he hasn't seen them, but he has.
27:57 Speaker 04 Forty-five minutes ago. Does he think we're thick? Okay.
28:00 Speaker 05 What are we doing? Are we reading one word each?
28:02 Speaker 04 I'm going, I believe.
28:03 Speaker 05 Okay.
28:04 Speaker 04 Okay, ready?
28:04 Speaker 05 Oh, in harmony. Is it the same one or a different one?
28:07 Speaker 04 You've got the second half.
28:08 Speaker 05 Oh, right.
28:10 Speaker 04 Dear Chris and Rosie.
28:11 Speaker 02 Hello.
28:12 Speaker 04 Please keep me anonymous.
28:13 Speaker 02 Always.
28:13 Speaker 04 Let's dox them now. I'm writing to you with a dilemma. My partner and I have always had a very adventurous sex life.
28:19 Speaker 02 Good.
28:20 Speaker 04 All right, show off. And have recently got into the lifestyle. For those that are unaware, it's swinging.
28:25 Speaker 02 Swinging. We get a lot of swingers writing in.
28:27 Speaker 05 They call it the lifestyle.
28:29 Speaker 04 The lifestyle.
28:30 Speaker 02 Sounds like a leisure centre, doesn't it?
28:31 Speaker 05 Yeah, it's a David Lloyd centre initiative. It's called the lifestyle. You do paddle, you do tennis, you do swimming, you do shagging.
28:40 Speaker 02 Dogging.
28:40 Speaker 05 Yeah, dogging, dogging and paddle. Doggy paddle.
28:44 Speaker 04 Included in the package.
28:45 Speaker 05 Thank you.
28:45 Speaker 02 Well done.
28:46 Speaker 04 Oh, for goodness sake.
28:47 Speaker 02 Sorry, right, okay, sorry.
28:48 Speaker 05 Sorry, start again, start again, sorry.
28:49 Speaker 04 Start again.
28:49 Speaker 02 No, no, no, just from the lifestyle.
28:52 Speaker 04 Start on again. Um, we're from the, everything from the top.
28:56 Speaker 05 Let's do 10 more minutes on the word lifestyle.
28:58 Speaker 04 Greg and Alice, nice to see you. Okay. We both, uh, we both enjoy watching the other person receive pleasure from others.
29:03 Speaker 02 Brilliant.
29:04 Speaker 04 It might sound strange.
29:05 Speaker 02 No.
29:06 Speaker 04 But it works for us and our relationship has dramatically improved since starting. There is a very popular website for those involved in the lifestyle and you can search for profiles near you. You can search for profiles near you. Imagine my shock horror when, whilst browsing the site, I saw someone with tattoos that I recognised. And in said photo, they're in, let's say, a compromising position with another person. Important to note that on this website, you can see the people who have viewed your profile. To be fair, to be clear, that says it here. I'm not just telling you that.
29:37 Speaker 02 So they've seen, people can view your profile, you can view theirs.
29:40 Speaker 05 Is that card blank?
29:41 Speaker 02 And then you see.
29:43 Speaker 05 This is actually an advert. Is that card blank?
29:46 Speaker 04 I'll just say, it's important to note that on the website, if you go on someone's profile, just for future reference, they can see you've been on it.
29:53 Speaker 02 Okay, they can see that you've been on it.
29:54 Speaker 04 Something about tattoos. Anyway, what would you do?
29:56 Speaker 05 Use the code Alice Levine for 15% off.
29:59 Speaker 04 Alice20, hashtag. Um, yes. Um, with this in mind, and to limit any potential awkwardness, I didn't view the profile and scroll past it. So it's like sexy LinkedIn where if you click on them, they can, they can see that you've been there.
30:11 Speaker 02 They can see, okay.
30:12 Speaker 04 Okay.
30:13 Speaker 02 Right?
30:15 Speaker 02 That would be a good name, Sexy Linkin.
30:17 Speaker 05 I thought, I thought nothing of it. Until a few days later, I was going through photos on my phone and I saw a photo from a few years back of myself and my dad on holiday.
30:29 Speaker 05 My dad is shirtless in the photo.
30:31 Speaker 04 No.
30:31 Speaker 05 And, if you hadn't already guessed, we've already guessed. Yes, the tattoos were on show. The, this isn't capitalised, the same tattoos I saw in the profile on Alice Levine's website.
30:46 Speaker 05 Should have redacted that bit.
30:47 Speaker 04 I really regret typing this out at all, yeah, go on.
30:50 Speaker 05 My parents split when I was young and I, and he hasn't had a relationship since. I was absolutely mortified and now I have no idea what to do. So I'm, guess what I'm asking is, what do I do? And how do I approach this situation? I'm pretty sure he hasn't viewed my partner and mine's profile, however, I'm scared he may come across this. It's obviously not some, it's obviously not something I want to discuss with my father. What should I do? Any advice you can give would be much appreciated.
31:14 Speaker 03 Oh, leave, leave the website.
31:15 Speaker 05 Leave the country.
31:16 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah.
31:16 Speaker 02 Well, why should you? She's having a nice time.
31:20 Speaker 03 First of all, first question.
31:21 Speaker 02 It's a website, she doesn't have to, like, do her dad.
31:24 Speaker 03 Alright, but.
31:25 Speaker 04 I must make clear, she doesn't have to do her dad. That's one of the founding tenets of the website, you don't have to do your dad.
31:31 Speaker 03 Right, okay, so, first of all.
31:32 Speaker 05 Good podcast title.
31:33 Speaker 04 Yeah, you'd have to do your dad.
31:35 Speaker 05 Welcome.
31:35 Speaker 04 That's like a mashup of all of the podcasts.
31:38 Speaker 05 Yeah, that ever been made. Just remember, and remember, you don't have to do your dad, see you next week.
31:44 Speaker 02 We should do a podcast together, we should do another one together, call that.
31:47 Speaker 05 Yeah.
31:47 Speaker 04 Just about.
31:48 Speaker 05 First of all. You don't have to do, shag your dad doing a porno.
31:52 Speaker 03 It says that her dad, they broke up, the, my dad broke up. So then, then it said the dad just hasn't had a relationship since.
31:58 Speaker 05 Yeah.
31:58 Speaker 03 So he's on a, had on, no, no, but he's on a swinger's website. How, surely, do you not have to, this is going to sound really bad, do you not have to?
32:06 Speaker 02 No, she's not had a relationship with him, not, he's not had a relationship.
32:09 Speaker 03 No, no, no, it says.
32:09 Speaker 05 Oh, see, but.
32:10 Speaker 04 But I think you can join some, a couple that swing.
32:13 Speaker 05 You're just a solo.
32:14 Speaker 03 Oh, you don't have to bring your own merchandise?
32:15 Speaker 04 I don't know if it's a team, if you have to be in a team.
32:18 Speaker 02 They've got names, women are unicorns.
32:21 Speaker 05 Yeah.
32:21 Speaker 02 Because there's not many single women.
32:23 Speaker 03 Oh, it would have been. Jack by strangers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I believe that.
32:26 Speaker 02 And men, they've got a certain name and I've totally forgot. It's something like, it's like cowboy or something. No.
32:31 Speaker 05 But, but so there's obviously like the couple. And then if you want to just be, you know, like a rogue, the plus one. That's what he, the dad might just be that. He might be the sort of, a gun for hire, a cock for hire.
32:44 Speaker 04 There are no stupid questions. This is a safe space. Yeah. Anything more, Chris?
32:50 Speaker 03 It's like, no.
32:50 Speaker 04 We want you to feel comfortable.
32:51 Speaker 03 Are these all in the FAQ's on your website?
32:53 Speaker 04 They're all there. And we also offer a kind of one to one mentoring session before you, you know, proceed.
32:58 Speaker 03 Can I do the via Zoom?
32:59 Speaker 04 Into the community. Absolutely.
33:00 Speaker 03 Thank you. Yeah.
33:01 Speaker 05 Thing is with this, I would, I feel like they're all open minded enough to just talk about it. Don't they?
33:07 Speaker 03 Fair, fair.
33:08 Speaker 02 Swingers, except swingers, I think.
33:09 Speaker 05 I just feel like, you know, just say it.
33:12 Speaker 04 But all.
33:12 Speaker 05 Saw your profile, dad?
33:14 Speaker 02 I guess. Welcome to the community.
33:16 Speaker 03 I just feel like she's gonna be, if they're within the same sphere, she's gonna be looking over her shoulder. Quite literally.
33:22 Speaker 05 And hopefully he's not there.
33:23 Speaker 04 Oh, God.
33:24 Speaker 02 Oh, this has gone, this has got grim.
33:26 Speaker 04 This one's gone south, so to speak. Here's my thing. You don't wanna, and obviously I've done a whole podcast about dads and pornography. You don't, and actually documentaries about swinging, but you never want to think about your parents having sex. I would say especially with your other parent. Like, I think that's worse than thinking your parent having sex with a stranger.
33:48 Speaker 03 Right.
33:49 Speaker 04 But you also have, no, I think it is, isn't it?
33:53 Speaker 05 I don't know. I think it's all quite bad.
33:54 Speaker 04 It's all quite bad. Everyone's thinking right now. Everyone's like, I don't know.
33:57 Speaker 05 Yeah, just everyone listening now, think about your parents having sex. Now swap out one of those parents for a stranger.
34:03 Speaker 04 The mark of the road.
34:04 Speaker 05 Please let Rosy and Chris know. What's worse?
34:07 Speaker 04 But I do think on some weird level, you also want them to be happy and, right? You want them to be having a nice time. Is it just me?
34:16 Speaker 05 Yeah, no, no, that's absolutely.
34:17 Speaker 02 No, yeah, that's very, that is very open minded of you. I love that. Very modern.
34:21 Speaker 05 Suddenly feels like we're on this morning.
34:22 Speaker 02 Very, you're so modern.
34:24 Speaker 03 It's my phone with this entire community.
34:25 Speaker 04 And I lost everyone. I lost the room.
34:27 Speaker 02 No, I think, no.
34:28 Speaker 04 I lost the room and I feel very exposed.
34:31 Speaker 02 No, because parents deserve a good sex life too.
34:33 Speaker 04 I don't want to be on the same website as them.
34:35 Speaker 02 Well, yeah, that one of them's got, one of them's got to leave. End off. One of them's got to leave.
34:39 Speaker 03 Can you block people on this website?
34:41 Speaker 02 Maybe.
34:41 Speaker 03 That would be my suggestion.
34:42 Speaker 04 You're usually kind of on a dating app.
34:44 Speaker 03 Right. Well, my suggestion would be to block a father.
34:46 Speaker 02 Yeah.
34:47 Speaker 03 Block him.
34:48 Speaker 02 Block him. Block him good and hard.
34:50 Speaker 04 But I'm kind of with what you're saying. Stop.
34:52 Speaker 03 Did not need the good and hard.
34:53 Speaker 02 Sorry.
34:54 Speaker 04 Question, how don't you know what your dad's tattoos look like?
34:56 Speaker 02 That's weird, isn't it?
34:57 Speaker 04 I mean, that's the real troubling thing about this story, isn't it?
35:00 Speaker 05 Yeah, I guess, but you would, oh.
35:04 Speaker 02 You'd know them off by heart.
35:05 Speaker 03 Maybe if you saw them off, yeah.
35:06 Speaker 02 No, say moles, I have to tell you where my dad's moles are.
35:09 Speaker 05 Could you, where are they?
35:10 Speaker 04 Okay, wait, weirder thing.
35:11 Speaker 05 Well, go on, map him. Let's draw him and we'll map him now.
35:14 Speaker 04 Sorry, weirder than being on the same story.
35:16 Speaker 03 So, no, I didn't, I didn't think this would come up, but we actually don't ever play at kids' parties. We don't play playing the tail on the duck and we pay, put them all on the dad.
35:24 Speaker 04 For the mole of your dad.
35:25 Speaker 02 You know what I mean though?
35:26 Speaker 03 Just have a big photo, massive A3 photo of our dad's back and we all go and put moles on it. And then he comes out, takes his shirt off and he goes, and we see how many he's got, right?
35:33 Speaker 04 It's like the night sky, you know, there's the big dipper.
35:36 Speaker 03 Kids doing a, they're doing a dot to dot on his back. Yeah, yeah, it's great.
35:39 Speaker 04 Sorry, you think you know where all the moles are on your dad's back?
35:44 Speaker 03 Fucking weirdest thing anyone's ever said.
35:45 Speaker 04 You need to be arrested on the spot.
35:49 Speaker 05 Are you mo- are you molly?
35:50 Speaker 02 So, in my defence.
35:51 Speaker 03 I'm not molly.
35:52 Speaker 05 Not molly, no.
35:52 Speaker 02 Me dad used to get really hot. Do you know like Friday night dinner when the dad's always got the top off?
35:56 Speaker 04 You're not making it better, you're not making it better.
35:57 Speaker 03 It's getting worse, isn't it? It's getting worse.
35:58 Speaker 05 So your dad's hot, yeah?
35:59 Speaker 04 Yeah, you don't, you think your dad's hot, you love it when his top's off, go on.
36:02 Speaker 05 Come here, moles. Let's have a look at those moles.
36:04 Speaker 04 In the summer, you'd look forward to it.
36:05 Speaker 03 Do you see what you've done yourself?
36:06 Speaker 05 Can I press them?
36:08 Speaker 03 Do you see what you've done?
36:08 Speaker 04 Dad, can I, can I track your moles again? Yeah.
36:10 Speaker 02 Oh my god.
36:11 Speaker 03 I don't even have to pile in.
36:13 Speaker 04 And so honestly, how many photos in your camera roll are of your dad's back?
36:16 Speaker 03 There it is.
36:17 Speaker 05 Camera mole.
36:18 Speaker 04 Camera mole.
36:19 Speaker 03 Camera mole, yeah.
36:20 Speaker 02 Listen, good luck with your podcast.
36:25 Speaker 05 Good luck with your mole mapping.
36:26 Speaker 02 Wrap this up, yeah. All right, love you dad, thank you.
36:28 Speaker 05 Can I just ask one more question before we move on from moles?
36:30 Speaker 02 Is it about my dad's back?
36:31 Speaker 05 No, if it's about your dad, just, I just want to know, what's his name?
36:33 Speaker 02 Derek.
36:35 Speaker 05 Great. This is a great dad name. I wanted to check, I can imagine Derek's moles.
36:39 Speaker 04 Does Derek feel happy that you're telling everybody that he's incredibly molly?
36:42 Speaker 02 He'll be fine.
36:43 Speaker 04 Yeah.
36:43 Speaker 03 He'll not be arsed, he's bored.
36:44 Speaker 02 I never said he had a lot.
36:46 Speaker 05 How many has he got?
36:47 Speaker 02 I can tell you where they are.
36:48 Speaker 04 How many, yeah, how many?
36:49 Speaker 05 Estimate.
36:50 Speaker 03 What, just a fuck?
36:51 Speaker 05 It's like at a fair, you know, all the sweets in a bowl.
36:53 Speaker 02 Got one on his arm.
36:53 Speaker 05 How many?
36:54 Speaker 04 Tell us the back ones. And how low does back go?
37:00 Speaker 05 Shall we do a test? I've got a molely arm. I'll flash it quickly and tell me how many there are.
37:04 Speaker 03 He's brought his microphone, he's excited.
37:05 Speaker 02 Three.
37:06 Speaker 03 Look.
37:06 Speaker 05 That's at least fifteen.
37:08 Speaker 03 What have you done to your microphone? Slide it back down. What's happened?
37:11 Speaker 05 Sorry.
37:12 Speaker 03 So excited he got the top of his microphone.
37:13 Speaker 04 That is the best claim I have ever heard. To be honest, it's put this in context. I'm like, oh, this is by accident. This happens.
37:21 Speaker 03 Yeah.
37:21 Speaker 04 You know, people end up on the same dating websites. You and this.
37:25 Speaker 05 I don't care about this guy anymore.
37:26 Speaker 04 I don't care about this. You need to go on one of these cards. And I'm not keeping you anonymous. That's for damn sure. You should be outed. Disgusting. Wipe the whole thing.
37:37 Speaker 02 The mole molester.
37:38 Speaker 03 I'm just mortified. Mortified. I'm Mormon.
37:46 Speaker 04 You married into it. You chose it.
37:48 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's bad. It is bad. Well done.
37:52 Speaker 02 Thank you.
37:54 Speaker 03 You've also got the Crossed Wires Festival, Podcast Festival. Tell us about this.
37:59 Speaker 04 We've put all of our eggs in one basket, haven't we?
38:01 Speaker 05 Well, I was tricked into it by, I was tricked into it because I went and did a show with Alice the first year that they started the festival. And actually, I loved it so much. And you two will love it because it's very much like the Edinburgh Festival. In terms of its spirit and its sort of, it's the reason it exists. It takes over venues in Sheffield.
38:16 Speaker 03 Nice.
38:17 Speaker 05 And puts on big podcasts and then the fans of that podcast can stumble across it or they can just, they can actually book tickets for it. So it's more, it's less like a, you know, you can have like a podcast, like expo, which is like, welcome to, like Lanyard's on, welcome to the podcast show. Or we'll talk about the best way to optimize audiences going forward into 2027. It's not that. It's more of a sort of fun thing.
38:40 Speaker 04 Parties, after parties, meet and greets.
38:42 Speaker 02 Like a lifestyle thing.
38:44 Speaker 05 Yeah.
38:44 Speaker 04 It's a lifestyle thing.
38:45 Speaker 05 It's a, yeah, it's a swingers podcast festival.
38:47 Speaker 03 Oh.
38:47 Speaker 05 Yeah. Actually, that is true. There's like crossovers from certain podcasts to others. Their podcasts do swing.
38:53 Speaker 04 That's true. Yeah. Cross pollination. Yeah, yeah.
38:55 Speaker 05 There's cross pollination. We tried to book you two.
38:57 Speaker 03 Yeah.
38:58 Speaker 05 But.
38:58 Speaker 02 Didn't get that email.
38:59 Speaker 04 We got a very promising out of office, so thank you for that.
39:02 Speaker 02 So welcome.
39:04 Speaker 04 Any day getting a reply.
39:06 Speaker 02 Oh.
39:07 Speaker 05 Second to the fifth of July in Sheffield.
39:09 Speaker 04 Apparently you're on holiday until February 2028 and you're going to get back to us then. So.
39:13 Speaker 05 Yeah.
39:14 Speaker 02 Busy.
39:14 Speaker 05 It was one of those, oh, no, I can't. When is it?
39:19 Speaker 04 I think, I think maybe Rosie's stabbing a toe that day, so.
39:22 Speaker 05 We'd be lucky to have you.
39:24 Speaker 03 No, this between the 2nd and the 5th of July, this year, is that this year?
39:27 Speaker 05 This year.
39:27 Speaker 03 Yeah, no, that is the annual, we're counting moles on your dad's.
39:31 Speaker 02 I knew there was something.
39:34 Speaker 03 Yeah, that's the stock take.
39:36 Speaker 02 It takes a while.
39:37 Speaker 03 Yeah, that's the stock take.
39:38 Speaker 05 Stock take.
39:39 Speaker 02 Takes a while, so.
39:39 Speaker 03 Yeah.
39:40 Speaker 04 Would you say it's larger?
39:41 Speaker 03 Much like you, Greg, I got roped into this, you see. I counted them once, got roped in, I'm now, I'm a creative director of the moles on the back as much as you.
39:50 Speaker 04 And both of them definitely not Ponzi schemes, to be clear, to be clear.
39:53 Speaker 05 Please, please do a video where you're counting a dad's mole.
39:56 Speaker 02 Oh my god. Poor dad.
39:58 Speaker 05 Please.
39:59 Speaker 04 But you can blur his back to protect his anonymity.
40:01 Speaker 02 Oh, he's got it.
40:02 Speaker 03 Imagine he doesn't have a single mole on his back and you've done this.
40:04 Speaker 02 Definitely he's got, he's got more.
40:06 Speaker 04 No, we get it, he's got them, we get it. You're like, he's definitely got them, I've seen them, actually. I've seen them every year with my own eyes, so I know he's got them.
40:15 Speaker 02 From birth.
40:16 Speaker 04 And some of them are blood blistered, so, I know, actually. Why do dads have those like weird little blood blisters? Do you know what I mean? They're like little red moles.
40:24 Speaker 02 On their veiny white hands.
40:27 Speaker 05 Mr Burns, basically.
40:29 Speaker 03 This is terrible.
40:30 Speaker 02 It's gonna be you one, dear.
40:31 Speaker 03 Nah, it's gonna be me, I know.
40:32 Speaker 02 Veiny white hands on your molly back.
40:33 Speaker 05 That was a great plug for the podcast festival, well done.
40:35 Speaker 04 That was fantastic.
40:36 Speaker 05 I don't even know who's on.
40:38 Speaker 04 You do.
40:39 Speaker 05 I do, but when I mean, when I said it.
40:40 Speaker 04 You're Alison James's, you're on Canny's, you've got me and Greg doing a show for Bad Chat. You've got Elizabeth Day, you've got all the big, all the big names, all the big names.
40:48 Speaker 03 Amazing.
40:49 Speaker 04 Great. It's dead good, you should come and do it, but you won't, but you should.
40:52 Speaker 03 We don't do too much together, that's the only thing.
40:54 Speaker 04 That is a lie.
40:55 Speaker 02 We hate each other. Unless we hate each other, this is how many times.
40:59 Speaker 03 We don't do any extra stuff, we don't do any extra stuff.
41:01 Speaker 02 I can only keep it up for one day, we're going to separate hotel rooms. Come on, guys.
41:06 Speaker 04 Actually, quite nice though, when you've been married that long, to go to a different hotel room, just chill.
41:12 Speaker 02 Oh no, we, we have kids at home, so we don't sleep in the same bed at home.
41:15 Speaker 03 Yeah, in a hotel's the only time we sleep the same.
41:17 Speaker 02 This is the only time we actually sleep together.
41:18 Speaker 05 Really? Yeah. Yeah, I like, when I, when Bella was ill recently, I went into the spare room, had the night of my life.
41:24 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, don't need to know about that.
41:26 Speaker 05 Not in that way. It's like a teenage boy all over again.
41:30 Speaker 02 I've been in my life, four times.
41:32 Speaker 05 Wheel the big telly in.
41:35 Speaker 05 It's like a telly at school.
41:35 Speaker 03 Like a school cousin, yeah.
41:37 Speaker 02 Wielded in.
41:37 Speaker 05 Big brown Grundig.
41:38 Speaker 02 Downloaded some great pics.
41:41 Speaker 05 School telly. Brown school telly.
41:43 Speaker 04 Those were the days, when those were the days.
41:46 Speaker 03 Got wheeled in.
41:47 Speaker 05 I made Paul Turner have one of those watches.
41:49 Speaker 03 Sordid my mate, I was just about to tell that exact story.
41:52 Speaker 05 He had a watch that you could programme to turn the telly off. If you knew it was a Grundig, he could be like, oh, four, eight. And he could turn it up and down, whatever.
42:01 Speaker 03 Yeah, my mate Chris did the same thing in science, he kept turning it off and the teacher freaked out.
42:04 Speaker 05 Because also those old tellies, you used to turn it off and it would go.
42:08 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:09 Speaker 02 I did that, nobody at my school had that.
42:10 Speaker 03 Oh, it was really good. I had a Casy, a Casy watch, a big red button on the side for doing the telly.
42:16 Speaker 05 Sick, what a life.
42:17 Speaker 02 If we hadn't lost them with You've Been Framed, we've definitely lost them with Wheel the Telly In and the Remote Control Watch.
42:22 Speaker 05 I think your listeners will love Grundig chat.
42:24 Speaker 02 You know how important fifteen to twenty-five is, and you've just lost them.
42:28 Speaker 03 Guys, if you've enjoyed this episode, you pick up that needle, you put it right back to the edge and you listen to this LP again. Thank you for coming on.
42:35 Speaker 02 Thank you. Thanks, guys.
42:37 Speaker 03 Cheers, guys, thank you.
42:37 Speaker 02 Thank you. Thank you.
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