Pod Insights The School of Greatness Jada Pinkett Smith Reveals All: Family, Relationships, Loss & Light About this episode Jada Pinkett Smith is an American actress and talk show host. She is co-host of the Facebook Watch talk show Red Table Talk, for which she has received several Daytime Emmy Awards. Time named her one of the 100 most influential people in the world in 2021. In this episode Jada discusses her new book, Worthy. The book is a gripping and brutally honest memoir that explores Jada's journey to self-acceptance and her discovery that a strong sense of self is every woman's right and saving grace. Jada and Lewis discuss her personal experiences and insights on various aspects of self-worth, relationships, and empowerment. Their conversation touches upon pivotal moments in Jada's life that led to a deeper understanding of personal value in her career, personal life, and intimate relationships. Buy her new book Worthy. In this episode you will learn,Jada's personal struggles with depression and feelings of hopelessness, despite her public image of worthiness. The inspiration behind writing "Worthy" and the exploration of self-worth. The importance of living a life of peace and working through trauma for a healthy sense of self-worth. Establishing healthy boundaries in your relationships and maintaining self-worth while navigating romantic relationships. A pivotal moment from Jada's life that deepened her understanding of self-worth. For more information go to www.lewishowes.com/1515For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960More SOG episodes on Radical Self Love & Acceptance:Jason Derulo – https://link.chtbl.com/1460-podKaramo Brown – https://link.chtbl.com/1457-podPokimane – https://link.chtbl.com/1443-pod Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX
Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:01 Lewis Howes? My friend, I am such a big believer that your mindset is everything. It can really dictate if your life has meaning, has value, and you feel fulfilled, or if you feel exhausted, drained, and like you're never going to be enough. Our brand new book, The Greatness Mindset, just hit the New York Times Bestseller back-to-back weeks. And I'm so excited to hear from so many of you who've bought the book, who've read it and finished it already, and are getting incredible results from the lessons in the book. If you haven't got a copy yet, you'll learn how to build a plan for greatness through powerful exercises and toolkits designed to propel your life forward. This is the book I wish I had when I was 20, struggling, trying to figure out life. 10 years ago, at 30, trying to figure out transitions in my life, and a book I'm glad
0:46 Lewis Howes? I have today for myself. Make sure to get a copy at lewishouse.com/2023mindset to get your copy today. Again, lewishouse.com/2023mindset to get a copy today. Also, the book is on Audible now, so you can get it on audiobook as well. And don't forget to follow the show so you never miss an episode.
1:10 Speaker 01 When it came to those suicidal thoughts, yes, something needed to die, but it wasn't me physically.
1:18 Lewis Howes? What was it?
1:19 Speaker 01 It was the thoughts around myself, how I felt about myself that I had to rehabilitate.
1:27 Lewis Howes? Wow.
1:27 Speaker 01 That I'm still rehabilitating.
1:30 Lewis Howes? Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.
1:54 Lewis Howes? Welcome back everyone to the School of Greatness. Very excited about our guest. We have the inspiring Jada Pinkett Smith in the house. You are an Emmy Award winning host, Red Table Talk, executive producer, actress, and Time Magazine 100 Most Influential People in the World. And you have had an incredible life story, specifically even more that has come up in the last year, year and a half with you that we were just talking about. And your book is so empowering and inspiring because you open up about everything. You go in there and in the first opening of the book, you captivated me. You caught my attention because you talk about the success, the fame, the accolades,
2:38 Lewis Howes? but also a story about looking over a cliff, asking yourself, you know, am I going to be able to survive if I actually drove off this cliff?
2:48 Speaker 01 Right.
2:49 Lewis Howes? Talking about decades of depression, stress, anxiety. But on the outside, everything looks like you've got it put together and things are perfect and you're succeeding at the highest level.
3:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
3:02 Lewis Howes? But on the inside, you were facing a lot of depression and what sounds to be a lot of darkness.
3:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
3:08 Lewis Howes? I'm curious, how can someone with that much success, fame, money, and what seems like the perfect marriage and family dynamic, struggle so much internally? How does it get to that place?
3:22 Speaker 01 Yeah, and you know, I think one of the biggest false perceptions is that all of those exterior things can heal, you know, your traumas, you know, can heal what's happening on the inside. I thought the same thing. I asked myself the same question. How can you have all this going on for yourself and feel like this? Right? And I felt so much shame about it, which compacted, which what was happening to me and everybody else around me was asking the same question. What is wrong with you? You have everything. Right?
4:00 Speaker 01 And so I tell a story when I'm 21 and how I basically have a nervous breakdown. That was the first time where I was so overwhelmed by these dark emotions that came over me that those suicidal thoughts just flooded in. And I thought that, I remember having to call my mother and said, mommy, get out here now or I'm gonna kill myself.
4:28 Lewis Howes? Wow.
4:28 Speaker 01 You know? And my mother at that time was fresh in her, um, she was fresh in her recovery. Right? And so she had to figure out a couple of things, you know, as far as work, because she, you know, she's just getting on her feet, she's nursing, what have you. So then I called my girlfriend, MC Light, and I said, Light, I need you right now. I don't feel safe with myself.
4:58 Lewis Howes? You're 21 at this point.
4:59 Speaker 01 I'm 21 at this point. And Light came out immediately just to hold me down until my mother could get there. And I, from that point on, never really, you know, during that time, no one was really talking about, first of all, suicide, surely not in a black community. That is like, sue what?
5:21 Lewis Howes? It's like toughen up and...
5:23 Speaker 01 Yeah, like get it together. And it just wasn't heard of. It's like, oh, you, you, you really belong in the cuckoo house. You know what I mean?
5:30 Lewis Howes? Depression was not talked about.
5:31 Speaker 01 Depression was not talked about, you know? And it's, it's so funny how it shows up in our community. Like, I always tell people, like, you know, that angry black woman syndrome that people talk about. I said, nah, that's a lot of despair. That's a lot of despair. That anger basically comes into the picture because it's the anger that keeps you going.
5:55 Lewis Howes? Hmm.
5:56 Speaker 01 Right? Because you can't go into the despair because the despair will take you out. Right? We don't have that luxury because we gotta put food on the table, we gotta keep it moving. Right? And so, you know, for a lot of us who are single moms or what have you, and so, I'm not a single mother, so I shouldn't say a lot of us. I'm thinking about my mother and my experience of being raised by a single mother, right? And so, you know, and for me, I think that...
6:25 Speaker 01 I had a lot of that and I have a lot of that, which is why even to this day is very difficult. I was talking to somebody the other day and they were like, you, you know, you have a lot of PTSD and a lot of trauma. And I said, you know, it's still very difficult for me
6:45 Speaker 01 to like embrace that as true.
6:49 Speaker 01 You know what I mean? And so I just was in so much denial.
6:57 Speaker 01 And I felt like how you felt and how many people feel, which is like, get it together. You have everything. How dare you?
7:09 Speaker 01 And not only that, look at all these people who are still in the struggle. They don't feel like this.
7:18 Lewis Howes? And they don't have what you have.
7:19 Speaker 01 They don't have what you have. How dare you?
7:22 Lewis Howes? Right, so it's almost more shame.
7:23 Speaker 01 It's more shame, right? And so, and it took me years to realize that doesn't have anything to do with it.
7:34 Lewis Howes? Wow.
7:35 Speaker 01 You know, but I struggled and beat myself up for a long time to the place that I just got to like, I want out.
7:44 Lewis Howes? Out of what?
7:44 Speaker 01 Out of life.
7:45 Lewis Howes? Wow.
7:46 Speaker 01 I don't want to be here anymore.
7:48 Lewis Howes? How old were you then?
7:49 Speaker 01 Forty, my fortieth year.
7:52 Lewis Howes? Forty? So I just turned forty this year.
7:55 Speaker 01 Yes.
7:55 Lewis Howes? So your fortieth was like essentially two decades of stress, anxiety, depression, shame, overwhelm, guilt. But also on the outside, looking like you had it all together. You know, all the success and the relationship and the fame and the movies and TV and all these different things, right?
8:10 Speaker 01 Yes.
8:11 Lewis Howes? So forty was a time where you felt like, I want out of all of it.
8:15 Speaker 01 All of it, again, because I had been struggling with suicidal thoughts for a long time and.
8:22 Lewis Howes? But you never thought about actually attempting it?
8:25 Speaker 01 Well, I think at forty, I was just like, okay, I got my plan. You know, I started looking at like where I could, because I didn't want my kids to think that I had taken my life. So I was like, how do I? How do I plan an accident?
8:41 Lewis Howes? That's crazy.
8:42 Speaker 01 You know, and I was like, just looking for like cliffs.
8:45 Lewis Howes? Wow.
8:46 Speaker 01 You know, looking for places that I could just drive my car off of. And I was like, all right, it's gotta be high enough that I don't survive. You know? And um, and so, once I devised my plan, I was like, okay. And as morbid as that sounds, having a plan gives you like, okay, let me see what tomorrow looks like.
9:10 Lewis Howes? Hmm.
9:11 Speaker 01 Cause I got my plan.
9:12 Lewis Howes? Wow.
9:13 Speaker 01 You know? And when I turned forty, it was like, I did, I never imagined reaching forty.
9:20 Lewis Howes? Really?
9:21 Speaker 01 Never imagined reaching forty. So not only was I dealing with all this depression, what have you, but I didn't see a vision for my life past forty. It was just blank.
9:32 Lewis Howes? Interesting.
9:33 Speaker 01 I had no drive, I had no desire, I had, and I was just like, and when I tell you, like, I would look down that road of like, okay, what is life for you now? When I tell you, I saw nothing. And that was scary too.
9:49 Lewis Howes? Wow. Why do you think you didn't have a vision after forty?
9:53 Speaker 01 I never thought that I would make it. This is a really unfortunate thing, but-
10:02 Lewis Howes? Like make it as in your, in your career, make it in your relationship, make it in life, like survive life.
10:06 Speaker 01 Survive life.
10:07 Lewis Howes? Wow.
10:09 Speaker 01 You know what I mean? Like, there had been so many people that I loved that didn't make it.
10:14 Lewis Howes? Right.
10:15 Speaker 01 You know? And I was just like, okay, my day was like, and, and, and as crazy it sounds, you're thinking, you live hot, you live fast, and then life's done.
10:26 Lewis Howes? Mm hmm.
10:28 Speaker 01 You know what I mean? It's like, something's gonna happen. And I was like, yo, you made it to forty?
10:32 Lewis Howes? Hmm.
10:33 Speaker 01 What the [__] been, what? You know what I mean? It's like, you made it to forty. And I didn't see anything.
10:41 Lewis Howes? Wow. What was that like on your 40th birthday when you were celebrating or you're reflecting on your life for the last decade? Usually we reflect on the last year. It's a decade we're reflecting on, but it sounds like you were reflecting on your life.
10:52 Speaker 01 I was, it was really hard. That was a really, really difficult time. And I remember Will had, um, he had like, uh, put together this huge party, you know, cause
11:06 Lewis Howes? Forty, let's go.
11:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, he loves to eventize everything. He's just, you know, he loves building memories. And I remember having to tell him, I just, I can't. I just didn't, I didn't have it. I didn't have it in me to pretend. I didn't have it in me to be around people that,
11:28 Speaker 01 I didn't have it.
11:30 Speaker 01 You know, and I was in really bad shape. I was in really bad
11:37 Lewis Howes? What were the thoughts that were on repeat during that time? What would you think to yourself or say internally or out loud about you to you?
11:45 Speaker 01 I would, it was really, you know what? It was really just having the energy to, every day waking up
11:55 Speaker 01 was doomsday. It was like, I, I, you know, it was just like, it was like having to get, it was the worst part of my day.
12:07 Lewis Howes? Waking up?
12:07 Speaker 01 Waking up.
12:08 Lewis Howes? Holy cow.
12:09 Speaker 01 And getting out of the bed, you know, it was like having like three Mac trucks and chains to my shoulders, just like,
12:18 Speaker 01 God, come on, you can do it, come on. You know, it's like, and just like, how am I gonna get through this day?
12:25 Lewis Howes? Right. Cause your kids were what? Probably in their almost teenagers or something around then or early teens.
12:30 Speaker 01 The kids were like pre-teens.
12:32 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
12:32 Speaker 01 Yeah.
12:33 Lewis Howes? So they had challenges that they're dealing with and adolescence and figuring out life and you're
12:37 Speaker 01 But they were pretty easy. Thank God. You know what I mean? Like they were like easy, you know, and um, at that time, you know, and um,
12:49 Lewis Howes? So your biggest enemy, it sounds like it was you.
12:51 Speaker 01 My biggest enemy was me, you know, and just really just, and people around me knew something was wrong, but they just couldn't put their finger on it. Like they couldn't understand like, What the is going on with you? But it was clear that I was not happy. You know, and it wasn't just like, I'm not happy. It was like, I wasn't happy. Like, I couldn't, you know, but people just didn't have any understanding. We weren't talking about mental health issues.
13:23 Lewis Howes? Even then, yeah, when you were 40, no one was talking about it publicly. Oprah wasn't even talking about it. It's like, Oprah's not talking about it.
13:31 Speaker 01 It doesn't exist.
13:32 Lewis Howes? Yeah, exactly.
13:32 Speaker 01 You know?
13:33 Lewis Howes? That's interesting. So, did you feel like people were there for you, though? Like, in your relationships or your, or will? Did you feel like I had supportive friends and family members who were showing up for me, but I just wasn't able to get out of my depression or sadness?
13:48 Speaker 01 I, I don't know if people really knew how to. You'd have, I'd have girlfriends go, hey, what's wrong? You're not yourself. You can talk to me. I didn't know how to talk.
14:00 Lewis Howes? So you weren't communicating?
14:01 Speaker 01 I were, I didn't know how to communicate. You know what I mean? And so even like when people are dealing with people who are depressed, or you have people who've attempted suicide, or unfortunately, people who actually do succeed. Like, I didn't know. And I'm like, I get it. Because a lot of times, you don't know what's going on with you. You don't know how to communicate and you have so much shame.
14:30 Lewis Howes? And fear.
14:31 Speaker 01 And fear, you know? And you just don't know how. And I was a high functioning, you know, person suffering from depression. Nobody was, listen, and that was also confusing.
14:48 Lewis Howes? Because I'm succeeding here.
14:49 Speaker 01 I'm crushing it, yeah. I'm getting up. I'm not in a corner balled up. Like, people think depression is just, you know, you're in a corner, balled up, you can't get up, you don't want to get out of bed. Of course, I had those feelings, but I got out of bed.
15:05 Lewis Howes? What drove you to get up and get out of bed?
15:07 Speaker 01 My kids.
15:10 Lewis Howes? So they, they at least gave you the purpose and vision daily?
15:13 Speaker 01 My kids gave me purpose. They kept me going.
15:18 Lewis Howes? If you didn't have your kids, where?
15:19 Speaker 01 I didn't have my, if I, if I didn't have my kids.
15:24 Speaker 01 I don't, I don't think I'd have made it through those dark times. Yeah, no. I could, I, I can honestly say that.
15:32 Lewis Howes? Wow.
15:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, they kept me going.
15:34 Lewis Howes? In, in your book, again, it's amazing how much you open up.
15:40 Lewis Howes? The whole, the whole thesis is about worthiness. Worthy, becoming worthy, owning your worthiness. You talked about, I think it was like you met with all the shamans, all the nuns, all the priests. Like you went through, uh, any, any spiritual leader you could find, any practice, any philosophy you tried it.
16:00 Speaker 01 Yeah, anything.
16:01 Lewis Howes? From all those, you know, workshops and exercises and one-on-one conversations.
16:06 Speaker 01 Ceremonies.
16:07 Lewis Howes? Yes, and howling at the moon, whatever it is you're doing, you know. What was the biggest awakening for you with all those experiences? What was the, the reoccurring theme that kept kind of whispering or speaking to you as a reminder of what you needed to know or hear?
16:23 Speaker 01 So I knew, I knew that there was a higher power. I knew that. I didn't have the rela-, I was like, I just needed to figure out how to get access to it. I know it's there. You know? Studied the Bible for three, I'm talking about backwards and forwards. I studied it from a historical point of view. I studied from, as a theologian, I studied, I tried defining those, like, the mysticism of Christianity, which I'm still into.
17:01 Lewis Howes? Sure.
17:02 Speaker 01 And
17:07 Speaker 01 I was like, but I don't know God.
17:09 Lewis Howes? Wow.
17:11 Speaker 01 Like, I don't have a personal relationship with God. Like, I'm not God, I'm not feeling you.
17:16 Lewis Howes? You didn't feel a connection.
17:17 Speaker 01 I didn't feel the connection. I understood how. Where Islam was created, Judaism, Christianity, Sufism, Sikhism, you name it. All it, because I love religion anyway. But I was like, that, that knowledge wasn't giving me the connection. There's a difference in the intellect, understanding the theories, understanding how things are developed versus being immersed and absorbed in that spiritual energy that you feel held and you feel that you know God is with you.
17:57 Lewis Howes? Wow.
17:59 Speaker 01 Right?
18:00 Lewis Howes? You feel a sense of peace.
18:01 Speaker 01 You feel peace and you feel like, I don't have to do this alone.
18:07 Speaker 01 I don't have to do this alone. And on top of that, there's so much more going on here than I could even imagine.
18:14 Lewis Howes? Right.
18:15 Speaker 01 You know what I mean? And okay, God, I'm gonna put my trust and my faith in you, right? It took me till I was 40.
18:24 Lewis Howes? Wow, to start that process.
18:26 Speaker 01 No, I had, I'd been going through that whole process before 40.
18:31 Lewis Howes? Oh, wow.
18:31 Speaker 01 And it's when I hit 40
18:35 Speaker 01 that my son Jaden came into the kitchen and he said, Mom, you gotta come in the living room. Moises and Mateo are talking about an experience their dad had in Peru. And I said, okay, because my, my kids know I'm a seeker. You know, trying all kinds of, you know what I mean? And so they tell me about this experience that their dad had with a medicinal plant called ayahuasca, right? And I'm like, whoa, I'm like, is your dad in town? They're like, yeah. I was like, call your dad, see when he can come over here and talk to me. Now, I'd known their father for a while and when I saw Caesar.
19:18 Lewis Howes? Oh, Caesar Milan.
19:20 Speaker 01 No, no, no. This is, that's not Caesar Milan. I know two Caesars.
19:23 Lewis Howes? Got you, got you.
19:24 Speaker 01 Their dad, his name is Caesar as well.
19:26 Lewis Howes? Got it, got it.
19:27 Speaker 01 And um, he came and he spoke to me and he said, um, and I saw, like, people, when they have, you know, it's like, when people are immersed, they don't have to talk about it.
19:43 Speaker 01 You feel it, you see it, it's all over him. And I was like, I'm looking in his eyes, I'm looking at him, I'm like, he's different.
19:53 Lewis Howes? His energy.
19:54 Speaker 01 His energy.
19:54 Lewis Howes? His way of being, his presence.
19:56 Speaker 01 Being, his presence, I like, I need that.
19:59 Lewis Howes? I want that.
20:00 Speaker 01 I want that. Right? I need that light. Yeah, it was clarity and it was light.
20:06 Lewis Howes? Interesting.
20:07 Speaker 01 Right? And I was like, I want that. And I asked for the universe to give me that. And within a month, the universe opened a door for me to have my own ceremony. And that's where the book, at the beginning, when I'm like, okay, I'm gonna go and do the ceremony. You know what I mean?
20:28 Lewis Howes? What was your experience? What opened up for you during that ceremony?
20:30 Speaker 01 I got to see, first of all,
20:35 Speaker 01 and I'm not, I'm not saying that this is a cure for anyone who's suffering what I was suffering, because I, I will say this, I don't believe that the plant ayahuasca is for everyone. Right? That, I just don't believe that. Right? It has to be a real calling. And I went through a night of hell, where I was confronted with the shadow of my own mind. I was confronted with those thoughts. And to the point that I thought I was possessed.
21:12 Lewis Howes? Holy cow.
21:13 Speaker 01 Right? So the thoughts are like, kill yourself. Do it.
21:18 Lewis Howes? Right now.
21:19 Speaker 01 Nobody needs you. You're not needed, you're not wanted.
21:25 Speaker 01 Kill yourself. Right? And I mean, this is like bombarding me, like, and I can't escape these dark voices. Right? I will come to find out that.
21:40 Speaker 01 I was confronting my internal voice of my lack of self-worth.
21:47 Lewis Howes? Wow.
21:50 Speaker 01 Right? Deep, right? And yes, those there, those voices can have energetic fields, right?
21:59 Speaker 01 But that it was me.
22:02 Speaker 01 And I had to surrender.
22:06 Speaker 01 The next night, because I, that, that was supposed to be my last night.
22:09 Lewis Howes? Right.
22:09 Speaker 01 I was supposed to do three nights. And that was my last night. And I remember looking at the medicine woman that um, I was working with. And I said, I can't go home like this to my children. Whatever's on me, whatever this, you know, energy, this demon.
22:28 Lewis Howes? You gotta get off.
22:29 Speaker 01 It's gotta get off.
22:30 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
22:31 Speaker 01 Right? And not realizing, no, that's you, boo, right? But that next night, when I went back in, I got to see that. That's when the light came in. You know, I had to just sit in that stillness. I had to sit in that trust. And it was the first time that I got to feel God.
22:52 Lewis Howes? Wow, really?
22:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
22:54 Lewis Howes? That's amazing.
22:55 Speaker 01 Yeah.
22:56 Lewis Howes? I mean, I will preface with this. I mean, I love that you said, you know, the plant medicine isn't for everyone. And it's not a healing solution for everyone. I think it's an opener.
23:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:05 Lewis Howes? To see certain things.
23:07 Speaker 01 That's right.
23:07 Lewis Howes? And I think it's really important to be mindful of who you're doing it with. And make sure you don't go home without clearing the energy and all those things. I've never done it personally, but I know a lot of people have. And some people have not recovered from it fully.
23:20 Speaker 01 Absolutely.
23:21 Lewis Howes? So I just want to put that out there as a, you know, a, a point to say. But it sounds like you had the wisdom declared to say, I need to finish this.
23:28 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:29 Lewis Howes? To make sure that there is light within me. And I'm not trying to have these thoughts of like, you need to kill yourself. You're not worthy. You're, you know, you don't belong here.
23:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:37 Lewis Howes? And what
23:38 Speaker 01 I just knew I was in the middle of a passage.
23:40 Lewis Howes? Yes, of course. Yeah, of course. And there's darkness in that passage.
23:43 Speaker 01 It was, I was in the valley of the shadow of death, right?
23:48 Lewis Howes? Wow.
23:48 Speaker 01 Big time.
23:50 Lewis Howes? What, what opened up for you when you, when you started to see your own light within you? What was the, the focal point that stayed with you today?
24:00 Speaker 01 Um.
24:02 Lewis Howes? Because it sounds like you didn't have that light within you for decades.
24:04 Speaker 01 No.
24:04 Lewis Howes? Maybe since you were a little girl.
24:06 Speaker 01 I got to see that we're all made of light.
24:09 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
24:11 Speaker 01 You know, and that I got to see that the mind.
24:19 Speaker 01 You gotta be careful with the mind.
24:23 Speaker 01 And that it's the spirit to cultivate. And the mind should follow the spirit. The spirit is not, the mind is not the leader.
24:35 Speaker 01 You know, and so it was readjusting. Right?
24:39 Lewis Howes? Making the spirit in you the leader?
24:41 Speaker 01 Make it like really learn, like I was like, oh, I've been depending on a level of intelligence. Like, oh, if I know about this, if I know about Christ, if I know about the, you know, Muhammad, you know, the prophet. You know, blessings and peace upon his soul. It's like if I know all of these things.
25:07 Speaker 01 Then I'm gonna be good because I'm smart.
25:13 Lewis Howes? Knowing he's not both fully believing and owning.
25:16 Speaker 01 Right, right? And so it was like, cool.
25:19 Lewis Howes? I know these things, but I'm still not feeling it.
25:21 Speaker 01 Yeah, I know these things, great.
25:25 Speaker 01 Now you gotta cultivate spirit and heart. You gotta cultivate that.
25:32 Lewis Howes? How did you learn to cultivate that?
25:34 Speaker 01 Oh, now that's a whole nother process.
25:36 Lewis Howes? Right.
25:36 Speaker 01 I'm still learning. You never arrive. Right? So throughout the book, I'm talking about the process. It's like more so in like the, um, you know, I really get into it in the chapter Surrender. You know, I'd been, I've been on this journey. Listen, I've been on this journey since day one, right? It's just that along the way, you know, different gates opened up. You know? And we learn along the way what to get out of the way in order to get closer to that which is more true.
26:17 Speaker 01 You know what I mean? And so that night of Ayah was the beginning of the next gate of like, okay, great. You've got intelligence about all these religions. Bravo.
26:29 Lewis Howes? Now you gotta, now you gotta integrate.
26:31 Speaker 01 Now you gotta integrate. Now you have to apply and now you have to learn how to cultivate a relationship with the great supreme.
26:39 Lewis Howes? Yeah, and it's almost unlearning the last
26:41 Speaker 01 Yes.
26:41 Lewis Howes? forty years of your life that has been so familiarized in your book, where you talk about, you know, this familiarity of trauma and chaos in life. You mentioned the word chaos and trauma in relationships, in life, in family dynamics. It's like this familiarity, just because it's familiar, it doesn't mean it's healthy or the best thing for you.
27:04 Speaker 01 Right. And that's the thing is like, people go, I hear it all the time. Didn't you see the signs? And it's like, pause. Let's talk about signs for a minute. You don't know a red sign. If that red sign is familiar.
27:23 Lewis Howes? If it's all you know.
27:24 Speaker 01 If it's all you know, right? So now you gotta unlearn some things to go, oh, right. That is a red flag, right? You know? It's like, okay, right? It's like, but so it's such a process of peeling back, trusting, peeling back, trusting, wanting to step out of that which you see as familiar. You know what I mean?
27:54 Lewis Howes? So challenging.
27:54 Speaker 01 And challenging. Oh, it is like, oh, it is excruciatingly challenging, like to have to leave all that you trust. Look, that's what you call your quintessential extreme midlife crisis.
28:13 Lewis Howes? Wow. Yeah.
28:15 Speaker 01 Okay, I went into an extreme because it felt like I've been in crisis.
28:21 Lewis Howes? Your whole life.
28:22 Speaker 01 My whole life, right? So 40 K was like, chick, we going hard.
28:26 Lewis Howes? Wow.
28:27 Speaker 01 We going hard.
28:29 Lewis Howes? Wow.
28:29 Speaker 01 I'm gonna have to, you know, the great supreme was like, all right, I'm just gonna have to crack your head wide open. You know, because the thing that I realized too is like,
28:43 Speaker 01 When it came to those suicidal thoughts, yes, something needed to die, but it wasn't me physically.
28:53 Lewis Howes? What was it?
28:53 Speaker 01 It was the thoughts around myself, how I felt about myself that I had to rehabilitate.
29:02 Lewis Howes? Wow.
29:04 Speaker 01 Right? That I'm still rehabilitating.
29:06 Lewis Howes? Well, you're not perfect yet, Jayden?
29:08 Speaker 01 No.
29:08 Lewis Howes? Wow.
29:09 Speaker 01 I'm trying, though.
29:10 Lewis Howes? It's a journey.
29:12 Speaker 01 I'm trying.
29:12 Lewis Howes? I don't even know if we should be trying to be perfect.
29:14 Speaker 01 No, and you can't. In this human form, we're not meant to be perfect. And when we get to perfect status, guess what? We don't need to do this.
29:22 Lewis Howes? We're gone. Yeah, we're gone. You know, you said, mentioned something before. You're on this journey, this process. And for me, I've been in a journey, a healing journey for the last few years. And my coach therapist said, you know, healing is always going to be a journey. You know, it's always going to be a different level of letting go and surrendering of something that was, of allowing something in your ego to die, of transforming it again, of forgiveness, of peace, of grace, of yourself and those around you, or of society, the world, politics. Like, there's always going to be an ego death we're going to have to need to go through.
30:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:01 Lewis Howes? And keep healing.
30:02 Speaker 01 Yep.
30:02 Lewis Howes? Right? It's right where we think we've got to figure it out. It's like, oh, the universe.
30:05 Speaker 01 That's what I feel.
30:07 Lewis Howes? So I think it's, you know, I love that you're on this journey. And I'm curious, when you turned 40 and all this went down, if there was a scale, a self-worthiness scale that you could reflect on and think of where you were at at that time, 10 being the highest level of worthiness and one being, you know, not at all, where were you on that scale of self-worthiness at 40?
30:31 Speaker 01 After Aya?
30:32 Lewis Howes? Before, when you had your 40th birthday.
30:35 Speaker 01 Oh, I was, I was below zero.
30:37 Lewis Howes? Below, negative.
30:38 Speaker 01 I was negative.
30:39 Lewis Howes? Even though you were able to create and have, you know, all this success on the outside, looking great.
30:45 Speaker 01 Yep.
30:45 Lewis Howes? Money and fame and all these different things. You were negative in the worthiness category.
30:51 Speaker 01 So I'll tell you, the thing that I've learned about that is that you can have capabilities that you're really good at.
31:04 Lewis Howes? Talents.
31:04 Speaker 01 Talents.
31:07 Speaker 01 But that doesn't feed the totality of your self-worth. You go, oh, I'm good at that thing. And people find value in me in that thing. Right? Oh, people think, you know, I can act and I can dance. And so you want to do more of it. Okay, want to do more of it, right? I talk about this in the book too. So in my teens, I'm driving, I'm driven, I'm good. I can hustle, I can, you know, I got talent. You know, I got earth, I can go to LA, I can make something of myself.
31:52 Speaker 01 Get to LA. Bust through doors. Skyrocketing. Still, nothing. Still feeling like, I could tell, I'm like, so you mean to tell me I gotta sing and dance for people to love me? And that pissed me off.
32:17 Lewis Howes? They love me for my talent.
32:18 Speaker 01 They love me for my talent. Even like a father who didn't want to raise me, wanted to now be in my life.
32:25 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
32:26 Speaker 01 And I got to see, that's not true. It's not authentic. It's not authentic. So people finding value in you for your capabilities, we know, within our soul, that's not us. It's not the thing we're asking to be loved for. We know it innately, right? And so it doesn't, it doesn't feed that authentic place of self-worth.
33:07 Lewis Howes? Right. What do you feel like has been the thing over the last decade that has allowed you to build self-worth?
33:17 Lewis Howes? From a negative to, I guess, where you are today.
33:20 Speaker 01 I'm not All of a journey. All of a journey.
33:24 Lewis Howes? First off, where are you on that self-worthiness scale today? And I'm not a, I'm not expecting to be a 10.
33:31 Speaker 01 I thought of 10, right?
33:32 Lewis Howes? But where do you feel like you are? You know, in an authentic place, where do you feel like?
33:36 Speaker 01 I feel like I'm in a really good place. I've been through so much. I've been through, and let me tell you.
33:45 Speaker 01 I'm so grateful.
33:48 Speaker 01 I gotta be so honest about that. I wouldn't ask for anybody else. This journey had to have to be what mine has been, right? But for what the great supreme has given to me. It has been designed specifically for my soul, for whatever reason.
34:08 Speaker 01 And I'm grateful because of the gifts that I've been able to receive, right? So in all of the misunderstanding of me.
34:16 Lewis Howes? From the outside world or from you?
34:18 Speaker 01 Both.
34:21 Speaker 01 Both. Okay.
34:25 Speaker 01 Both.
34:28 Speaker 01 But the misunderstanding, you know, from the outside world and as far as the, all of the criticism and all of the judgment. The thing that I've been able to cure is self-judgment.
34:46 Lewis Howes? Wow.
34:48 Speaker 01 In the biggest way, let me tell you, and that's where freedom sits.
34:51 Lewis Howes? A hundred percent. How much did you self-judge before in the last few years? And then it
34:57 Speaker 01 I would say that, um,
35:00 Lewis Howes? Because you're always getting judged from the outside world, whether positive or negative or somewhere in between.
35:04 Speaker 01 You know what was a really, my journey of really diving into self-judgment began? Metal. Me being in my metal band, doing metal music. And going out there in spaces where I was considered the most unwanted.
35:33 Speaker 01 You know. Person.
35:37 Speaker 01 And that's when I really got to understand, start to understand.
35:46 Speaker 01 What is unreal about others and their judgments?
35:54 Speaker 01 And how it only reflects
35:58 Speaker 01 my self judgment. And once I started curing my self judgment, the judgment of others had no place.
36:05 Lewis Howes? That's interesting.
36:06 Speaker 01 Had no power, had no power, right? It is the judgment within ourselves that the judgments of others, the judgments others have on us, attached to.
36:23 Lewis Howes? It hurts more because we believe it.
36:25 Speaker 01 Because we believe it.
36:26 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
36:27 Speaker 01 It's like, oh, if I don't believe that, and that's not me, what am I upset about?
36:31 Lewis Howes? Right.
36:32 Speaker 01 And then you realize, oh, that's about how you feel about you. Oh, we're in the clash of wounds here.
36:41 Lewis Howes? Yeah, that's interesting. This is fascinating. I think I saw a video online of, gosh, who was it? I think it was Selma Hayek that was talking about this concept of if you don't speak Spanish, and I'm speaking to you in Spanish and saying negative things about you.
36:56 Speaker 01 Right.
36:57 Lewis Howes? You're not going to understand it, and it's not going to affect you.
36:59 Speaker 01 Boom.
37:00 Lewis Howes? And if you can learn to create that with criticism in your life, and just being like, that's a language that you're speaking, but I don't resonate with that language, that style of communication, that judgment. So if you can learn to have a healthy language within yourself.
37:14 Speaker 01 Come on, Selma.
37:15 Lewis Howes? What other people are saying is not going to impact you.
37:17 Speaker 01 That's my girl. Selma is, she's one of the dopest females I know.
37:21 Lewis Howes? That's cool.
37:22 Speaker 01 That's it. She's on point, right there.
37:24 Lewis Howes? Yeah. What was, I mean, when did you learn that, though, this internal self judgment? When was that? Was that recently? Was that years ago?
37:32 Speaker 01 I would say it was years ago.
37:33 Lewis Howes? Okay, that relationship with self judgment.
37:35 Speaker 01 Yeah, that relationship with self judgment. It started with the metal music and then going into, you know, when I went to
37:46 Speaker 01 the Red Table, you know, for that entanglement episode. And
37:53 Lewis Howes? Because you got, you got a lot of criticism.
37:55 Speaker 01 Yeah, got a lot of criticism for that.
37:57 Lewis Howes? It's almost like when you think you've got it figured out, the universe is going to test you.
38:00 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
38:01 Lewis Howes? Do you really have this figured out?
38:02 Speaker 01 Exactly, right? And so
38:06 Speaker 01 You know, and how I, the decision that I made with that false narrative, for many different reasons, you know, of, you know, the adulterous wife, which wasn't true, right?
38:23 Speaker 01 But I was willing to take that on
38:30 Speaker 01 because there were other things that I felt I needed to protect and manage. Because I would be okay in the midst of the fire of self, of like, you know, everybody else's judgment.
38:44 Lewis Howes? Right.
38:45 Speaker 01 And then even within that, being able to cure any more remnants of that self judgment within that fire. So then by the time the Oscars came, I was laughing.
39:02 Lewis Howes? Really?
39:03 Speaker 01 Yeah, I was just like, I get it. I get it.
39:07 Lewis Howes? Right.
39:08 Speaker 01 I get it. You know what I mean? And then also having to, it was beautiful too, because me having to also have a lot of self responsibility of how I had,
39:27 Speaker 01 basically how I had helped, how I had assisted those narratives that were out there. I helped with that.
39:36 Lewis Howes? So people were able to say what they wanted to say.
39:38 Speaker 01 Yeah, and I was able also to have understanding of why they were saying what they were saying because of how I had assisted in all of the narratives.
39:49 Speaker 01 And I was like, I get it.
39:50 Lewis Howes? Right, right.
39:52 Speaker 01 It's like, okay. And still being able to sit in the beauty of myself.
40:01 Speaker 01 And smile at it all.
40:03 Lewis Howes? Did you, I mean, we were talking about this right before, that it's been a, you know, a heck of a year for growth and learning and discovery and healing and all these different things. A mentor of mine once said that a, a bad day for the ego is a great day for the soul. And, um.
40:20 Speaker 01 That's real talk.
40:21 Lewis Howes? Yeah. Robin Sharma told me that when I was kind of going through something about five years ago, that wasn't as public as this, but it's my own internal stuff. He was like, you know, a bad day for the ego is a great day for the soul. And these are like moments of opportunities for growth to see like, okay, how much do I believe in my own worthiness? Or how much do I believe in my own healing journey? Or how much do I love myself, no matter what is happening, even if people are right or wrong, or anywhere between?
40:46 Speaker 01 Doesn't matter.
40:47 Lewis Howes? Can I still love me, right?
40:49 Speaker 01 Cause at the end of the day, that's what it's about. People are gonna always be fickle. I mean, come on.
40:56 Lewis Howes? You've seen everything.
40:57 Speaker 01 I've seen it all.
40:58 Lewis Howes? Yeah, you've seen people love you, hate you, come back.
41:00 Speaker 01 Come back and like, fine, right? At the end of the day, what I realize is like, Jada, how do you feel about you? Cause that's what this is about. You. People, leave them to it. Cause people have enough difficult time dealing with liking themselves, learning how to love themselves, being with themselves. How people think about you, feel about you has nothing to do with you. That's real talk. How people feel about us doesn't have anything to do with us.
41:33 Speaker 01 Right? And so, all of this has been me curing how I feel about myself to the point, the high, the great supreme was like, do you get it?
41:45 Lewis Howes? Do you fully?
41:46 Speaker 01 Do you fully get it now? Do you see your self-worth?
41:49 Lewis Howes? Wow.
41:50 Speaker 01 Regardless, no matter what is going on around you, Jada, do you see it?
41:59 Lewis Howes? Yes. Spot and mother, I see it. Wow. What, what was the best, the biggest lesson you learned over this last year and a half since, since that moment? And how has your self-worth and love for self evolved?
42:17 Speaker 01 Man.
42:21 Speaker 01 That's a big question. And there hasn't been just one lesson. It's been so many lessons.
42:28 Lewis Howes? What are the main few that come to mind?
42:30 Speaker 01 I think the biggest lesson that I've learned in all of this is unconditional love. For myself.
42:35 Lewis Howes? For yourself, yeah.
42:36 Speaker 01 For others.
42:40 Speaker 01 You know?
42:44 Speaker 01 I talk about that a lot in the book. You know, just, you know, with all this blame and how
42:55 Speaker 01 people really thought that I had, you know, that
42:59 Speaker 01 that it was because of me. And I talk about in the book how why it wasn't.
43:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, like it's a whole big story and it has a lot of context to it, you know? And also, having to take responsibility for 2016 as far as a dynamic between Chris and I.
43:23 Speaker 01 You know? Big misunderstanding that I talk about a lot in the book. But even through all of this,
43:34 Speaker 01 really, even in, you know, and even when you don't, even when you have cured a lot of your self judgment, it doesn't mean that you don't get your feelings hurt.
43:47 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
43:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, your feelings still get hurt.
43:49 Lewis Howes? Yeah, yeah, of course.
43:49 Speaker 01 You know? And so even in that.
43:52 Lewis Howes? I don't think anyone enjoys when someone's talking negative about them.
43:56 Speaker 01 Exactly.
43:56 Lewis Howes? It's not a fun process.
43:57 Speaker 01 It's not.
43:58 Lewis Howes? You can still learn to love and accept yourself and be like, this is really annoying or
44:01 Speaker 01 Right.
44:02 Lewis Howes? it can be frustrating still.
44:04 Speaker 01 It's not a fun process, especially when you're, especially when you know, this is a terrible misunderstanding.
44:09 Lewis Howes? Yeah, of course.
44:10 Speaker 01 Especially when it's someone that you've spent time with. You see that they're hurting. You can kind of see how a misunderstanding between you, the two of you has compacted a hurt.
44:26 Speaker 01 Right?
44:28 Speaker 01 And someone can say some really awful things about you that aren't true.
44:36 Speaker 01 And it was the work that I had to do to be able to be with that.
44:43 Speaker 01 Allow it to pierce my heart, allow it to hurt me and still wish him well.
44:49 Lewis Howes? Wow.
44:50 Speaker 01 Still wish Chris well and have compassion for where he was sitting and understand.
44:58 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
45:00 Speaker 01 You know, and that I wouldn't have that particular, particular lesson and that particular process.
45:09 Speaker 01 And the intensity that it was, wouldn't have been able to happen without this particular circumstance. And so it goes back to, things aren't happening to us, they're happening for us always. You know, and so it's just a matter of how we want to process things, how we want to look at things.
45:35 Lewis Howes? You know, this, this book is, was so inspiring. I haven't finished the whole thing, but I've been like going through bits and pieces. And I'm so grateful that you open up the way you do because I think a lot of people can write a memoir-esque type of book and hold back. But you really, I mean, you go there right away and you keep going there. And it's really cool to see you talk about everything from your perspective.
46:03 Lewis Howes? You know, you've, you've done an amazing job with, you know, your show with Red Table Talk. And there's, you know, different conversations you had with Will on there in the past. And I've never met Will, but I, you know, I'm sure he's an amazing guy. Jay's always talking about how amazing he is, you know. I'm curious, because you mentioned earlier in this interview about the mind and thoughts. You spoke about the mind and thoughts. And a lot of video clips that I see of Will, and I saw him in the conversation you had as well. He has this like unshakable mind, right? It's like, and he talked about, you know, his dad and all these things, like the military aspect, the training, the mindset of just like,
46:46 Lewis Howes? nothing is impossible. And you guys speaking about this, nothing is impossible mindset.
46:52 Lewis Howes? I'm curious, what is the thing you've learned the most about Will? And the mindset that you have applied that has really supported you in your life? Because there's some things about mindset that might be harmful to you.
47:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
47:06 Lewis Howes? But what was the thing over, you know, your guys' relationship together? That he's really taught you about mindset? That has supported you in your life in a big way?
47:15 Speaker 01 Hmm. He's not a quitter. No matter how hard it gets.
47:24 Speaker 01 You know? It's like iron sharpens iron. You know? And
47:34 Speaker 01 he's always
47:40 Speaker 01 willing to do the hard stuff.
47:41 Lewis Howes? Hmm. Willing to suffer.
47:43 Speaker 01 He's willing to suffer.
47:44 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
47:45 Speaker 01 Right? And now, in this new
47:53 Speaker 01 this new passage of our relationship.
47:58 Speaker 01 He's learning how to suffer differently.
48:00 Lewis Howes? Interesting.
48:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
48:02 Lewis Howes? How does that look?
48:03 Speaker 01 It's like you know about this? It's like when you're going into the internal world, okay? There you go. That right there.
48:14 Lewis Howes? It's scary.
48:15 Speaker 01 Right. When you've kind of
48:19 Speaker 01 had all of this like, we've learned how to maneuver the, you know, physical world.
48:28 Lewis Howes? 3D world.
48:29 Speaker 01 The 3D world, right? And those rules of the 3D world don't apply to the inner world.
48:37 Lewis Howes? I doubt.
48:39 Speaker 01 Right? So now, it's like having to readjust this concrete mindset. Right? And having to learn to trust a different instincts. And sit in a different place. And it's been an absolutely fascinating process.
49:01 Lewis Howes? Really?
49:02 Speaker 01 I hope one day, you know, he's still in it. I hope one day.
49:10 Speaker 01 We can write a book together.
49:11 Lewis Howes? That would be incredible.
49:13 Speaker 01 Right? And just how we've been through so much. And all the gates of relating that we've been through. And there's been many and many to come.
49:26 Speaker 01 Right? But
49:29 Speaker 01 the process that he's going through right now, I think would be so helpful to so many men.
49:35 Lewis Howes? Oh, gosh.
49:36 Speaker 01 You know, of going into that, you know, that different world where you're like a novice.
49:43 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
49:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
49:45 Lewis Howes? You're a beginner again.
49:46 Speaker 01 You're a beginner again, which is hard for, you know.
49:51 Lewis Howes? Someone who's mastered the physical world, right? With success and fame and money and career. He's mastered it.
49:57 Speaker 01 He's right, but that's what I love about him. He's not a quitter.
50:01 Lewis Howes? Yeah. That's beautiful.
50:03 Speaker 01 So he's like.
50:06 Lewis Howes? Okay, I'm gonna do the work.
50:09 Speaker 01 He kicks and he screams, you know, but he does the work.
50:11 Lewis Howes? Besides that mindset of not being a quitter, what is the thing you're most proud of him and love about him the most?
50:19 Speaker 01 You know, he has such, what I love about him the most is that he really has the ability to see the good in everything. You know, I'm, I'm the one. I don't mind going in caves. Yeah, I'm, I'm ready to go into the shadowlands. Let's go, you know? And, but he
50:44 Speaker 01 just that light.
50:47 Speaker 01 You know, he is just like the laughter, the humor, the childlike essence, the fun, the dance of life, you know, to be able to like.
51:04 Speaker 01 Dance through it all without like the attachment of all the like stuff. You know what I mean? I'll dance with you, but I'm bringing the stuff.
51:16 Speaker 01 You know what I mean?
51:17 Lewis Howes? I want all this to go with it.
51:18 Speaker 01 Right, I want, he's like, no, leave, just for like two hours. Let's just leave that somewhere.
51:23 Lewis Howes? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
51:24 Speaker 01 You know, and I think that's beautiful. Yeah, yeah, he's a, he's sky.
51:28 Lewis Howes? That's beautiful. Um, before I ask the three final questions, I want people to preorder this book or get this book right now. Worthy, you can get it everywhere. We'll have it all linked up, but make sure you get this book. We'll have an image on the screen right here so you can see what it looks like as well. Uh, but this is a painfully honest inspirational memoir that you have shared with all of us. And I'm so excited for people to read it, to consume it, to share with their friends, to have conversations about it. So make sure you get a couple of copies for you and a friend because you're probably going to need to talk to someone about it. You're probably going to need to decompress like, okay, what's going on in my life that I can relate to? And here's the things that I can apply and don't do it alone. Do it with a friend.
52:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
52:11 Lewis Howes? Do another girlfriend, get someone to read this book with you and talk about it. Um, so I want to, I want to link that up for everyone. Make sure they get that book, follow you all over social media, uh, because you've got so much great content as well. And you're sharing more on your Instagram, which I love seeing. So we'll make sure to have that all linked up, but I want people to get a couple of copies of the book. These are the three final questions. This is a question I ask everyone towards the end of our conversations.
52:39 Speaker 01 Okay.
52:39 Lewis Howes? I'm going to adjust it a little bit for you. It's called the three truths. It's a hypothetical question.
52:45 Speaker 01 Okay.
52:47 Lewis Howes? But I usually ask people in a certain way, and this is the way I ask it. You get to live as long as you want in this three dimensional world, but eventually it's your last day, right? You can live as long as you want, but it's your last day and you accomplish and create everything you want to create. But, but you don't get to, um, leave anything behind on your last day. So no one has access to your book, to this conversation or to anything you've ever put out, hypothetical world. And the question goes like this, what are the three things that you would leave behind for the world? If this is all we have to be reminded of you, the three lessons you would leave behind. But I'm going to, I'm going to adjust this question a little bit because I've never done this, but I feel like this would be powerful.
53:29 Lewis Howes? I want you to leave those three things behind to the five-year-old you.
53:35 Lewis Howes? I used to have a photo of myself as a five-year-old, I think I showed on your show.
53:39 Speaker 01 Right.
53:40 Lewis Howes? At the table talk.
53:40 Speaker 01 Yeah.
53:41 Lewis Howes? About the healing journey of the inner child.
53:43 Speaker 01 Oof, yeah.
53:45 Lewis Howes? And what I needed to hear, see, experience, and feel as a five-year-old that I never got. And having to recreate that healing journey with younger self to current self.
53:56 Speaker 01 Right.
53:56 Lewis Howes? So I'm curious, what would those three lessons or truths be to five-year-old Jada?
54:03 Speaker 01 The lessons or truths to five-year-old Jada?
54:07 Lewis Howes? The thing that maybe you really needed to now hear, experience, or feel?
54:13 Speaker 01 The presence of divine masculine Israel. You know, within and without.
54:24 Speaker 01 I'm still learning a lot about that.
54:29 Speaker 01 But wow, what a beautiful.
54:33 Speaker 01 I just have so much honor.
54:38 Speaker 01 Yeah, I would want, I would want five-year-old Jada to know that.
54:46 Speaker 01 I would want five-year-old Jada to know for sure
54:53 Speaker 01 that
54:57 Speaker 01 she is
55:00 Speaker 01 made of divine nature.
55:03 Lewis Howes? Divine nature.
55:04 Speaker 01 Yeah. You are
55:09 Speaker 01 made of divine essence. Carry that with you, know it through and through.
55:17 Speaker 01 And I would want her to know that
55:22 Speaker 01 authentic, authentic love,
55:27 Speaker 01 not romanticized love, not love based in ego, authentic love does truly conquer all.
55:40 Lewis Howes? Those are beautiful truths. Those are very beautiful. And for any woman watching or listening right now who is feeling hopeful but still feeling sadness or depressed, anxious, uncertainty, fear about whether they're in a relationship or not, but they know something is off and they want to have some type of peace and breakthrough.
56:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
56:03 Lewis Howes? If you could share one thing with them right now, what would that be?
56:05 Speaker 01 I would say, and this is a hard one. This is really, really, really, really hard.
56:16 Speaker 01 Okay?
56:22 Speaker 01 Your happiness cannot be found outside of you. And that
56:30 Speaker 01 what is happening in our minds,
56:34 Speaker 01 what is happening in our spirits is reflected in our, in our relationships.
56:45 Lewis Howes? Hard to hear sometimes.
56:46 Speaker 01 It's hard, right? Um, and that if we can just focus on loving to spend time with ourselves, because if we don't like spending time with us, why do we think anybody else is going to want to be with us? Most of the time, we're looking for people to be things for ourselves, for us that we're not willing to be for ourselves. We have to learn how to be those things for ourselves. We have to be the things we're asking for.
57:16 Lewis Howes? So no one can fix us or make us happier or?
57:18 Speaker 01 No. People can assist.
57:22 Lewis Howes? They can add to our.
57:23 Speaker 01 They can add to.
57:26 Speaker 01 They can't, they can't fix it. You're not going to find the guy in the, you know, on the white horse and you're not going to find the woman or whoever, whoever you want to love, right?
57:39 Speaker 01 You have to be
57:42 Speaker 01 your own savior. And that's what this book is about. And that's what I say a queen is.
57:51 Speaker 01 Queen is her own savior.
57:55 Speaker 01 Right? And once we learn how to love ourselves,
58:05 Speaker 01 we can have it all.
58:07 Lewis Howes? Wow, that is beautiful.
58:10 Speaker 01 And it's hard work.
58:14 Lewis Howes? Not easy, yeah.
58:14 Speaker 01 It is not easy. We're always looking for the easy way out.
58:17 Lewis Howes? Cool, man.
58:17 Speaker 01 We're looking for the great orgasm. We're looking for the handsome guy. We're looking for the rich guy. Like, you name it.
58:26 Speaker 01 Pat all that. Don't fix nothing.
58:30 Lewis Howes? Still messed up until we fix ourselves.
58:32 Speaker 01 If I don't, if I had to get me together, you know, I had to learn how to love me. If I don't love me, how am I gonna, how am I going to represent that love? To show someone what it means, how to love me.
58:50 Speaker 01 He's trying to figure out, or she's trying to figure out how to love her [BLEEP] himself.
58:56 Speaker 01 You know, so. And then what we attract. Law of attraction.
59:01 Lewis Howes? Of course.
59:02 Speaker 01 So, there it is.
59:04 Lewis Howes? Okay, I've got, I've got one final question before I want to ask you, Jada. I want to acknowledge you. I want to acknowledge you because I've, I've met you twice. Uh, you had me on your show. We had a great time. I've met you again now here. For me, this is an amazing time. I appreciate you. Uh, but I want to acknowledge you because I can't imagine the challenge mentally, physically, emotionally, of how to just navigate all this under the public eye and the way that you've had to. Right? Over the last two plus decades in Hollywood and media and, you know, celebrity world. And learning how to love self with all the criticism. I, I just don't know how to, how I would do that as much, right?
59:49 Speaker 01 Right.
59:50 Lewis Howes? So I really acknowledge you for being on this journey. And what I'm experiencing from you is you have a service-based heart.
59:57 Speaker 01 Yeah.
59:57 Lewis Howes? You want to serve.
59:58 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
59:59 Lewis Howes? You want to teach. You want to share. You want to be of service through the show, through the book, through what you're going to do in the future. So I really acknowledge you for being open, constantly doing the work. And allowing light to encompass you as opposed to the old darkness. So I really acknowledge you for for this and hopefully we have many more conversations in the future. When you guys do the book together in the future, I'm pre-order that. We'll get you back on for it and hopefully we can do many more of these things. But I appreciate it and acknowledge you for your journey.
1:00:32 Speaker 01 Thank you.
1:00:33 Lewis Howes? Of course, of course. My final question, what is your definition of greatness?
1:00:37 Speaker 01 Oh.
1:00:41 Speaker 01 Definition of greatness? I think my definition of greatness is
1:00:50 Speaker 01 always having the willingness to grow.
1:00:58 Speaker 01 Just being willing. That's great. You know what I mean? That's what gets us to those like, those next plateaus of ourselves. You know, those next like wrongs. Having the willingness, that to me is what, you know, makes us great.
1:01:20 Lewis Howes? I hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today's show with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me as well as ad free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel on Apple Podcast. If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend over on social media or text a friend. Leave us a review over on Apple Podcast and let me know what you learned over on our social media channels at Lewis Howes. I really love hearing the feedback from you and it helps us continue to make the show better. And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life,
1:02:00 Lewis Howes? then make sure to sign up for the greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com/newsletter. And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.
Previous Master the Law of Attraction: 4 Techniques for MASSIVE Change Next Do THIS to ATTRACT your DREAM LIFE (Your IDENTITY & Fears Are LYING TO YOU!) | Rob Dial Page updated October 7, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated
