Master the Law of Attraction: 4 Techniques for MASSIVE Change

Eckhart Tolle is widely recognized as one of the most inspiring and visionary spiritual teachers in the world today. With his international bestsellers, The Power of Now and A New Earth—translated into 52 languages—he has introduced millions to the joy and freedom of living life in the present moment. The New York Times has described him as “the most popular spiritual author in the United States”, and in 2011, Watkins Review named him “the most spiritually influential person in the world”. Dr. Tara Swart Bieber is a Ph. D neuroscientist and former MD who has worked to examine the many intricacies of the human brain. She is a professor at MIT Sloan, and also an executive advisor, who has improved the minds and behaviors of some of the world’s top business people. Rob Dyrdek emphasizes the importance of having a clear vision of your goals. He shares his personal experience of visualizing himself as a successful skateboarder long before it happened, and how this vision became a driving force in his life. Rob emphasizes the role of consistency and belief in manifesting your dreams. He believes that when you consistently take action towards your goals and truly believe in them, the universe conspires to make things happen in your favor. Stephan Speaks emphasizes that manifestation isn't just about material wealth; it can also manifest love and fulfilling relationships. By setting clear intentions and focusing on what you desire, you can attract love into your life. The conversation underscores the importance of a positive mindset. When you believe in the possibility of love and envision your ideal partner, you're more likely to attract someone who aligns with your desires. In this episode you will learn,The 3 Deadly Habits That Kill The Law of Attraction In Your LifeHow to break free from anxious and intrusive thoughts. The science vs. art of manifestation. How to stop living in fear and pursue a life of peace. Why it is so important to embrace the present moment. For more information go to www.lewishowes.com/1514For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960FULL EPISODES:Eckhart Tolle – https://link.chtbl.com/1463-podDr. Tara Swart Bieber – https://link.chtbl.com/1325-podRob Dyrdek – https://link.chtbl.com/1159-podStephan Speaks – https://link.chtbl.com/1114-pod Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Eckhart Tolle?

  There's abundance of life all around you. You can feel the life within you also. You're focusing on abundance. It's in the law of attraction or nature is as you give, it must come back to you in another fall.

• 0:14Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:38Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to this special masterclass. We've brought some of the top experts in the world to help you unlock the power of your life through this specific theme today. It's going to be powerful, so let's go ahead and dive in.

• 0:56Lewis Howes?

  I would love to hear your thoughts on your definition of the law of attraction, but also maybe the three habits that you see people doing the most that hurt them from attracting effortlessly using the law of attraction.

• 1:13Eckhart Tolle?

  Right. Well, the main mistake perhaps that people make is not coming from a place of fullness, but coming from a place of neediness. And putting too much attention on what is the undesirable condition so that they want to get rid of, but mentally almost continuously focusing on the undesirable condition, like not enough money, for example, that's just a problem for many people. So.

• 1:51Lewis Howes?

  So let's use money for example, then, the law of attraction with money. How could we attract more wealth or financial abundance in our life using the law of attraction?

• 2:03Eckhart Tolle?

  Yeah. Well, first of all, is the acknowledgement of abundance that is already here and now.

• 2:13Eckhart Tolle?

  And not focusing on the lack of abundance that is here now, which you could find by thinking about it, but to actually focus on where is the abundance that I can find here now? And that is all around you. It is in nature. When you look at the abundance of nature, the abundance, the multiplicity of life forms, the wonder of nature, the abundance of evil, evil, or let's say you're in a city, you can look at, appreciate all the things that you see around you. You don't need to necessarily own it or buy it, just appreciate it. And so

• 2:56Eckhart Tolle?

  this first, the appreciation of the goodness of life, that is always all around you, even if you have no money, there's still the goodness of life is all around you. You see it all around you. The sunshine, I mean, the sun is the ultimate symbol of abundance, because it gives energy of itself almost eternal. I mean, eventually the sun will die, but as far as we are concerned, it's virtually eternal. It pours out energy continuously. And this, at some point, we will realize that even on the level of energy, the universe is infinitely

• 3:41Eckhart Tolle?

  abundant. So we will no longer need things that we're using now, fossil fuels and those things. We have access to other forms of energy that are more helpful. But Right. The abundance, the abundance is all around you. Let's say you walk your past in the city, you're walking past a flower shop, and you look at, wow, such beauty, appreciation, even to seeing a beautiful man or woman, or nice, or even a beautiful car, I love it. But why don't I have that car? Why does he have that car? It's all egoic, much narratives

• 4:21Eckhart Tolle?

  that make you unhappy to appreciate. Nature, of course, is very powerful. And then you to appreciate.

• 4:30Eckhart Tolle?

  The aliveness in your body that you're breathing. And you can actually feel that the your body, but many people can't feel that. I call it the inner body awareness. You feel that your, that every cell of your body is pervaded with a sense of aliveness, energy. And you can feel that, that is abundance. So there's abundance of life all around you. There's a, there's, you can feel the life within you also. And so we could some people call that gratitude. I call it more appreciation. The appreciation of the abundance of life that is always around you. That's a wonderful starting point.

• 5:12Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 5:13Eckhart Tolle?

  So you're not focusing on lack, you're focusing on abundance and.

• 5:18Speaker 02

  Even, even when you don't have any, if you feel you don't have anything, you can find abundance around you.

• 5:24Eckhart Tolle?

  Yes, always acknowledge it. The good things of life, acknowledge, but even seemingly insignificant things like. Uh, when I look out of the window, I sometimes, this tree is out here. I, right now I can look out this, I can see there's a slight breeze and the branches are swaying slightly in the wind. It's beautiful. And there's the tree in all its majesty and still as it's been there for a hundred years. And that's wonderful. I don't need to own the tree. I mean, owning in that sense is ultimately a bit meaningless anyway. Yes.

• 6:03Eckhart Tolle?

  I own this house where I am right now, but at some point I'll, I'll be gone. And so what does it mean? The house will then, somebody else will own the house. Own is a secondary. I'm not saying the let go of ownership sometimes gives, can give stability to your life on a practical level. But there's something more important. So like this appreciation or if you want to call it gratitude. Some people recommend, um, I think Oprah said that she has had for many, many years. Uh, a notebook or journal where she puts, writes down every day, things that she's grateful for.

• 6:46Eckhart Tolle?

  And um these are these are usually seemingly insignificant things. But it's important not to overlook that. And I don't think she's writing down. Uh, I'm grateful that I have a private jet. Or I'm grateful that I have a two point five billion dollars in the bank. That's

• 7:06Speaker 02

  Right.

• 7:07Eckhart Tolle?

  She writes down the small things that

• 7:10Speaker 02

  I'm grateful for my garden. I'm grateful I get to plant a flower today. I'm grateful that I get to go on a walk with my friends. I'm grateful that I woke up today.

• 7:17Eckhart Tolle?

  Yes, yes. The next thing is, uh, the second thing, let's say, is uh, giving. To give of, to give energy to other people. Uh, appreciation itself is already a sort of certain outflow of energy. When you appreciate this tree beauty, there is an energy connection with the tree. Basically, the consciousness connects you with a tree. Uh, and your kindness is part of giving, kindness to another person. Not because you want anything from that person, but because it feels so good

• 8:00Eckhart Tolle?

  to have this sense of, we could call it goodwill that flows out of you towards another person. Even if you just ho- ho- hold the door open for somebody. Or it's a remark, or you that's a love, what's the lovely, I love your dress, or whatever you say. If it's tenuous, uh, or uh, to say an encouraging word to somebody. Um, or to whatever it may be, a smile, a smile at somebody's. It's a, even that is a form of giving. This this connection with another uh kindness is a very powerful thing. So you are giving, you're not, you're not

• 8:45Eckhart Tolle?

  at the more you give.

• 8:48Eckhart Tolle?

  That in it, it's in the law of attraction or nature is as you give, it must come back to you in another form. Um, but it doesn't work if you give out of obligation that you feel you should be giving, or it needs to be a genuine sense of wanting to give and feeling how how good it feels to give, not because mentally you you you you you feel you always need to, you always need to he- help people because otherwise uh you you do you don't don't think of yourself as a good person or something, that's all mind stuff. But to experience how how how good it feels to be to give.

• 9:31Eckhart Tolle?

  So we we have on the one hand appreciation, gratitude and appreciation are kind of stealing that giving every day of uh wh- in whatever form. Uh, and the next thing is that's obviously Jesus already in in one sentence, one could say, uh, told us the the essence of uh manifesting and how it works. And he said, uh, whenever you uh pray for something that you want, uh, believe that

• 10:13Eckhart Tolle?

  you already have it and it will be given to you.

• 10:17Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 10:18Eckhart Tolle?

  There's the key. Now, the important thing is he did not say, believe that you will have it. He said, believe that you already have it. Now, this may not be immediately clear to people, how how do I do that? Uh, how do I believe that I already have it when I know that I don't have it?

• 10:41Speaker 02

  Right, right, right. How do you get that belief of having it before knowing, feeling, tasting, smelling the thing that you want?

• 10:50Eckhart Tolle?

  Yes. So you feel uh the thing.

• 10:56Eckhart Tolle?

  It is already a mental reality in your mind. How do you feel now that you have it in your mind? How do you, how do, how does it feel? And this feeling is really where the power of manifestation lies. But what is that feeling? Because that feeling of having it already and feeling this deep sense of satisfaction is really connecting with the deeper power within yourself. It is the power where all, all sense of aliveness originates there. It's the deeper sense of aliveness that comes from consciousness itself.

• 11:37Eckhart Tolle?

  So you, you know, you might believe, it might differ from person to person. One person might think, okay, what I want is a, a big house with a, or overlooking the ocean or whatever, and then you, you feel yourself, you're, you're already there, experiencing that. Another person might think, well, what I want is to have this great company that does good things in this world and it's, and, and I'm, yeah, how does that feel? But you might find that the feeling is actually basically always the same. Whether your mind says, but it's a house overlooking the ocean, you know why?

• 12:23Eckhart Tolle?

  Or the other person says, well, this is the company that I'm, well, the head of that's doing great things in this world. The feeling is basically the same feeling. And, and the feeling is a feeling of fullness of life. Yes. Of completeness. That is power. So when you feel this feeling of fullness and then you associate it with a mental image, that, that is the power of manifestation there. But the feeling itself is beyond the mental image and is beyond whatever form you are able to manifest in this world. Because that is the feeling of the inherent sense of aliveness that comes

• 13:07Eckhart Tolle?

  when you go deeper into yourself and experience the, the presence that you are. And this, to, to know yourself as the presence is inherently joyful and powerful. To know yourself as so. And that is you manifest from a place of fullness, not from a place of lack.

• 13:29Speaker 02

  Right.

• 13:29Eckhart Tolle?

  The fullness is already there. And that also means if for some reason it doesn't manifest, because not everybody's desires manifest, uh, I mean, I don't know if it's still happening. L A, for example, uh, if you go to any, any good restaurant in L A, it's more than likely that the waiter or waitress will be actors waiting for, for their big breakthrough. And then it's just not possible for so many people to have the big breakthrough in L A as actors. Some may do, a few may do, but most probably won't.

• 14:08Eckhart Tolle?

  But they have made, they probably have other breakthroughs that perhaps are much more important than what their ego tells them is important.

• 14:16Speaker 02

  And to add to that, I love this, what you're sharing here, because I want people to really feel this and understand this and embrace it because when we try to manifest from lack, it's going to be this needy energy, which was your first point, that kind of kills the, the dream of the law of attraction. And when we manifest from a place of fullness, like you spoke of, like feeling, a feeling of fullness, wholeness, excitement, abundance, joy inside of us. And if it doesn't happen, if that dream doesn't come to us in the next year or five or 10 years, then we've lived a full, rich life every moment

• 14:56Speaker 02

  till that moment. Like we've, we've lived a full year of feeling excited and passionate and good about ourselves. And that energy is magnetic. You will draw in great people, partners, relationships, opportunities that maybe you couldn't have dreamed of because the energy you, you gave into the world like you talked about. And I think that's the, the big point for me is. The dream and the idea you have, maybe your ego wants, maybe you won't have it. But man, you'll live a great, beautiful, rich life in the process of pursuing it.

• 15:32Eckhart Tolle?

  Very good points. In other words, the journey is what matters. The arrival, the arriving at some destination is the end point, but it's secondary. It's a journey, it's always the journey, it's always now. That's what matters. And so sometimes what you wanted to manifest doesn't happen, but something else manifests. That could be even better. In fact, in many cases, it's much better than what you are.

• 16:01Speaker 02

  Absolutely. Yeah, I always, I always wanted to be a professional athlete. And I played professional football for about a year and a half before I got injured. And the injury, I broke my wrist and I was wearing a cast and I had a surgery. And I had a cast on for six months and it took about a year and a half for me to use my, my wrists again from the injury. And during that time, I was in a state of extreme sadness and a loss and a grief of this identity that I once had and this dream that I once had, that I was working so hard for my whole life to manifest, to create. And then all of a sudden, this injury broke the, the, my abilities to do that. And I remember thinking, what am I going to do with my life? Like, what's the point?

• 16:45Speaker 02

  Twenty-three, twenty-four years old, I'm like, what am I supposed to do now? And it led me into this journey that I'm on now, uh, doing this interview series and podcast for the last 10 years. That I'd much rather have this life than the life of a professional athlete now, like. And sometimes, like you said, going back to the beginning of this, if we can accept and surrender in the positive way to see what good can come. It may be challenging in the moment, but it's been a blessing since then.

• 17:16Eckhart Tolle?

  Yes, that's a lovely story. That's, uh, that's how it actually works. And another, uh, thing to mention is, let's say you do.

• 17:26Eckhart Tolle?

  But do, let's say you do manifest what it is you wanted to manifest. Um, uh, when you come from this place of fullness, you do not have, yes, you have an appreciation of what you have achieved, but you don't have an excessive attachment to what you have achieved. Uh, so it, let's say you are, you are able to manifest that you have a, a, a house overlooking the ocean and you manifest it. There you have it. And one day, uh, you get you, when you get home, you find your house is falling into the ocean. It's gone.

• 18:05Speaker 02

  Right, right.

• 18:06Eckhart Tolle?

  So the, the whole thing that you worked so hard for to achieve is suddenly gone. But this place of fullness, that, that enabled you to, to, to manifest that is still there. It's beyond outer forms.

• 18:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, and you feel full in life. Maybe there's a moment of sadness during that, but if you're not attached to the physical things you've manifested. Um, I'm sure if I lost my home, I feel like it's a sanctuary. It's a, it's a, it's a beautiful, peaceful space. But I've lived in two bedroom apartments for most of my life and I felt like those were peaceful places for me. And it's not like, I'm sure I'd be sad for a minute, but then I could also create the sense of fullness in the next space.

• 18:54Eckhart Tolle?

  Exactly. And I'd have this, let's see, um, I, um,

• 19:01Eckhart Tolle?

  for a long time, uh, until, until my thirty second year, I, my main form of transportation was, except other than public transport was a bicycle.

• 19:13Speaker 02

  That's beautiful.

• 19:15Eckhart Tolle?

  So I got my driver's license when I was thirty, in my first car when I was thirty two. And that was a very old.

• 19:22Speaker 02

  What city were you in? What, what country or city?

• 19:24Eckhart Tolle?

  London, London and Cambridge, uh, at that time. Uh, and the.

• 19:32Eckhart Tolle?

  I loved my bicycle. I just wonder, I I appreciate it. I loved someone else. I was just looked at it was standing there and I had a and then somebody gave me, I was poor at the time. Somebody gave me an order car. And I loved that. And and then I was able to, I got a little bit of money. I was able to buy the cheapest car I could find. It was called Lada. It's a Russian leg. Uh, it they still make them, but they're a bit better now than they used to be. People would laugh at these cars because they were notorious for breaking down. But it was very, very cheap. And I bought this. And it never broke down. I loved that car.

• 20:13Eckhart Tolle?

  It never broke down. It I must admit, very embarrassing on hills because you couldn't. You were holding everybody up.

• 20:21Lewis Howes?

  You had to get out and push it. Yeah.

• 20:22Eckhart Tolle?

  Yeah. I I loved that car and um. The and then I I eventually left England and I sold it. A friend of mine was interested. I sold it to him. And two or three weeks after he bought it. It broke down and and couldn't get repaired anymore. It was incredible. Oh, it's almost FS because I I have this kind of relationship even with so-called inanimate objects. Like, I think that even there, there is a there is a glimmer of consciousness in everything.

• 20:57Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 21:03Lewis Howes?

  How you hypnotize yourself for success? What that was like? And I guess just that process.

• 21:10Rob Dyrdek?

  And and look, I think I think the vision at a young age wasn't, I wouldn't call it as much. It was it was the early development of manifestation. Right? And and it was drawing, I have a self-portrait of myself from when I'm fourteen years old, where it's me, I this is no joke. It is me in a matching hat. And shoes like like with a skateboard on the side. All of these like this art easel and then just stacks and stacks of money.

• 21:41Lewis Howes?

  Really? You drew this?

• 21:42Rob Dyrdek?

  I hand drew it, right? And it's like, the most fascinating aspect is it's this bizarre matching hat to shoes combo, you know? And and to me. Like I always like could feel intuitively the law of attraction.

• 21:58Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 21:59Rob Dyrdek?

  And so even when I look at like I needed, I was lost at 25 years old when I was like searching for some sort of way to, I was like affixed to help like redirect me and get me re-motivated and refocused. And that's why I was looking for a hypnotist, right? And then I found a hypnotist who was at the Scripps La Jolla Hospital and like, and so to me, I'm like, okay, this is a, this is like a clinical psychologist hypnotist. This is real, right? And so when I got in there.

• 22:32Lewis Howes?

  Not some stage performer.

• 22:33Rob Dyrdek?

  Yeah. And so to me, it was like, like when I got in there, I was like looking for like, you know, give me, make me focused on skateboarding so I can win contests, like, you know, whatever my vision was. And he immediately did this test and said, you don't believe you were meant to be successful at your subconscious level. And so.

• 22:51Lewis Howes?

  That's what he discovered after doing some tests with you?

• 22:53Rob Dyrdek?

  Yeah, he did this like test. And then the initial hypnotism, hypnosis was just reinforcing at the subconscious level that I was meant to be successful, right? That I believed that, right?

• 23:05Lewis Howes?

  How do you believe, how do you learn to believe that if you hadn't believed it until then?

• 23:09Rob Dyrdek?

  And look, I, I would say that I, I had, I grew it and built it at an early age and was starting to lose it.

• 23:16Lewis Howes?

  Okay. So you got it, which made you a professional at 16 and kind of go to the next level. But then somewhere you lost it.

• 23:22Rob Dyrdek?

  Right. He reinforced it and then boom, you know? And most recently I went to his house, you know, like a year ago.

• 23:31Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 23:31Rob Dyrdek?

  Yeah, I went to his house. He's like, this hypnotist now is lifelong friend. You know what I mean? I found him in the Yellow Pages. It was pre-internet. The great Dr. George Pratt. And so, you know, I will, you know, I've sent friends there. I go see him all the time. You know, on my five year anniversary, he presided over the five year anniversary of our, when we renewed our vows. But I'm like, hey, can you just give me a check real quick? I just want to verify that I'm gonna be a billionaire. He's like, come on in here. He's like, come on, stop it. You know that's gonna happen.

• 24:01Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 24:02Rob Dyrdek?

  Like his like psychological power. He's like, stop it. And it's just like, you're right, Dr. George. Uh, but look, I think even, you know, we were both in Think and Grow Rich that I um had, we had shot before we did the initial interview together too. You was in the movie? No, no, you, me and you. Oh, yeah, yeah, gotcha, yeah. Right, and, and it was even back then, like now I'm evolving and getting more intuitive of things being attracted to me. But it wasn't till two thousand and eighteen. I was in a bit of a, you know, like a bit of a pit of chaos, right? Because here's these great plans that I have built that were unfolding. Two thousand sixteen, it was all coming alive, right?

• 24:45Rob Dyrdek?

  Our interview was at peak youthful energy of like, the world is mine. I just moved to Beverly Hills, I'm having my first child, got my new office in Beverly Hills, like my forever estates. Just launched the machine that month, right? All of these things, like, I'm gonna build and sell all these companies, still had never done it. Just the vision, the hope, everything. The energy of what was going to become, and, and so, um. But in two thousand and eighteen, like, things got sideways, right? The energy got sideways. How so? Was it the NBC show that didn't work out? No, this was them talking about like ridiculousness going away, right? Really?

• 25:25Rob Dyrdek?

  And I had built Super Jacket for it to be acquired and it was just like, wow, it's like this entire thing that I've got like built up and this is the first company I'm building to sell is going to kind of drift away here. And my wife suggested, like, why don't we just watch The Secret? Wow. And so I'm like, you know, like, you know, and I kind of remember The Secret, you know, I sort of like remember The Secret. And then, I mean, the first fifteen minutes, it just shifted my being. Really? It shifted my being in a way of think of like, like, stop it, like, look at who you are, what you've done and look at like, like the good that has constantly like found its way to you.

• 26:08Rob Dyrdek?

  Don't lose sight of that, like, and I began to practice belief.

• 26:14Rob Dyrdek?

  And literally like a month later, my my internal medicine specialist is talking about meditation. And I'm like, I have to meditate. And she's like, oh, I in my office, we have this new company that has these meditation pods, the Somadome, right? And I'm like, can I try it out? And inside this Somadome, it's a guided meditation about manifestation.

• 26:39Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 26:39Rob Dyrdek?

  And so what I started doing in 2018 is I was like, I'm not going to like, hope for the law of attraction. I'm going to begin to practice it. So I would go to sleep every night watching The Secret. So it was the last thing I went to bed. And then when I would get up in the morning, I would get in my dome, right? And I would just like, think of all the things I wanted to happen, right? And so instead of thinking in 2018, when they were talking about ending ridiculousness, and I was in season 12, I wasn't, I wasn't, I decided I wasn't going to manifest, uh, season 13. I was go, I kept manifesting,

• 27:23Rob Dyrdek?

  walking on the stage, introducing season 30.

• 27:27Lewis Howes?

  Holy cow. So you weren't thinking about the next season. You were thinking about 20 seasons away.

• 27:31Rob Dyrdek?

  Right, right. And and so for me, like, like, it then evolved and like, it literally began, it was like, the the the seas began to part, right? Because what happened is, because I own the production now, I was able to negotiate directly with the head of the network on the unit economics of the show, rather than talent and producing fees. And so we got to a place where we decided from a business perspective, what was best for the network in the the ever-changing landscape of linear cable. And I gave him the, I'm like, give me the price you want, and then let me go and try to make it happen.

• 28:14Lewis Howes?

  Because you used to have a talent fee that was bigger, and then you said, let's work.

• 28:17Rob Dyrdek?

  And somebody else would produce it. Now I produce the entire thing, own the entire production. So I understood where all the opportunity was to get it to his cost. And that. It's a nuance now, right? So I negotiated with him on the unit economics where most like even big celebrities and producers are still like, like it's fees, you know, like you don't have the ability to get in that into depth because you don't, you don't understand or own the production company at that level. And so it goes from right there. I got it to his number. We negotiated and I was getting thirty episode seasons at a time back then.

• 28:57Rob Dyrdek?

  And I said, I can only do this price if we get to forty two episodes and you've got to pick up multiple seasons. Wow. And I was hoping for two, he picked up four, right? And so it went from thinking that it was completely, um, like, I'm gonna have to regroup and like, like television's over here to like, now you're shooting one hundred and eighty six. Right? Like, and the beauty of it was, is I had built the company up to that point. You needed three years of EBITDA to take it to market and sell it. The entire plan was like, we gotta get through the third year and take it to market. And on the third year, they were like, we don't think the show's coming back.

• 29:38Rob Dyrdek?

  Basically like, okay, that means the production company is going out of business after I was getting ready to take it to market and be my big first win. And instead, that one eighty six order, I take it straight to market. Now I took it to market. Here's the three years in EBITDA. And we have the biggest order in the history of cable television, right? Was the biggest order? Uh, one of the biggest ones, right? And so that is how huge that, that, that changed. And then what happens? Now they have more episodes, they air more. It gets this new, entirely new life. Then they're like, can we get more? Really? Then by the, by the following year, you know, and keep in mind, in that time, I sold the company. What year is this now?

• 30:22Rob Dyrdek?

  Uh, the company was acquired in two thousand nineteen, right? So, um, and then it was like, it had this explosion. So then it's like, how many can you, uh, give us? And I'm like, so I went through all time management, all aspect, cause keep in mind, I'm still doing all of this while living super balanced and happy, normal life. So I could do two hundred and fifty max. Twenty fifty in a, in a year? Yeah. And then I was like, but in order to do that, like, can you pick up two years? And then they were like. No brainer. Let's do it. So they then ordered 500.

• 31:00Lewis Howes?

  500 eps?

• 31:01Rob Dyrdek?

  Yes.

• 31:02Lewis Howes?

  In two years?

• 31:02Rob Dyrdek?

  In two years, and that put me to 30 seasons, right? So it's like, so, you know.

• 31:09Lewis Howes?

  Oh, my goodness. So you're visualizing 30?

• 31:12Rob Dyrdek?

  Visualizing 30. And I'll tell you one thing, you know, I actually spent some time with the great Dr. Joey Dispenza, right? And the one thing I heard from him is this idea of don't try to think it, try to feel it. You know, don't, when you're, when you're trying to like tap into the quantum field and, and, and generate energy and the law of attraction, the things that you are thinking about, think about the feeling. That's why I thought of, I like went through the feeling of like what it feels like to be on stage. Welcome to season 30, right? So it's a much more richer sort of existence. So now,

• 31:57Rob Dyrdek?

  now it's like I practice it every single day. I am, I am in, um, you know, that Somadome meditation pod, like feeling what I want to happen.

• 32:09Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 32:09Rob Dyrdek?

  Seven days a week, almost never miss a day, right? And I track it super extensively and like literally it's like 97, 96, like almost every like, like 97% of this entire year I have been in there just visualizing what I want to happen.

• 32:29Lewis Howes?

  So how does someone believe it even though it hasn't happened yet?

• 32:35Dr. Tara Swart?

  Uh huh. So I don't love the statement fake it till you make it.

• 32:40Lewis Howes?

  I don't like it either.

• 32:40Dr. Tara Swart?

  But I will.

• 32:42Lewis Howes?

  I like face it till you make it.

• 32:44Dr. Tara Swart?

  I like that too. I would say, um,

• 32:48Dr. Tara Swart?

  believe it until you are it. You know, that's kind of what neuroplasticity would say. So with, with neuroplasticity.

• 32:57Dr. Tara Swart?

  It's psychological work, right? But it's actually not, it's actually physiological work. And so I work with a lot of guys in financial services who, you know, emotional intelligence is a big thing that we need to work on. And I've had, you know, these people who are very, very successful, genuinely be so frustrated, I don't understand, like, what am I supposed to do? People say I'm not nice to them, you know. What, what am I actually supposed to do? So this is what I say to them. Imagine you, imagine a field of grass. And on day one, you walk through the field and the grass is high and, you know, you're sort of flattening as you walk. And then you walk there every day,

• 33:41Dr. Tara Swart?

  until you've trodden a little path into the grass. And then, you keep walking there, until it becomes like a muddy path. Then you might lay some paving stones. And then you build a proper path. That's what you're doing in your brain when you change any behavior. And I remember when I learnt Danish, which was super hard. Yeah.

• 34:05Dr. Tara Swart?

  And I, you know, I've mentioned to you that I prefer to eat healthily, but I was literally taking like a can of Coke or like a bag of Maltesers to the, the Danish lessons and it was ninety minutes and by about an hour, I would feel so tired and so hungry.

• 34:20Lewis Howes?

  Exhausting, isn't it?

• 34:21Dr. Tara Swart?

  Exhausting, yeah.

• 34:22Lewis Howes?

  I'm learning Spanish right now and I'm trying to change my language around it, being exhausting. And being hard, because I think the more I say that, it's going to continue to reinforce that it's exhausting and challenging. So I've been trying the last few months to say, you know what, this is a fun experience. You know, this is an experiment. It's, it's challenging, but it's a good challenge and I'm learning every time. It's hard for me and it's trying to add a positive reinforcement as opposed to, man, this is hard. Because I, I, it's, it has been challenging up until now.

• 34:55Dr. Tara Swart?

  Yeah.

• 34:56Lewis Howes?

  To learn Spanish fluently. And I also think I have this huge expectation, like I'm going to be able to speak like a native, you know, Mexican speaker, but, and I think sometimes we forget how far we've come, you know?

• 35:07Dr. Tara Swart?

  Yeah, acknowledging that is so important.

• 35:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 35:08Dr. Tara Swart?

  Can I give you a bit of inspiration?

• 35:10Lewis Howes?

  Give it to me.

• 35:11Dr. Tara Swart?

  So I did eight weeks of lessons. I then went to Denmark for summer holidays. And I came back and had a lesson. And at some point, she said, okay, great, you know, see, we're done for now, see you next week. And I was like, was that ninety minutes? And so basically, the ninety minutes had got, I hadn't got hungry, I hadn't got tired, I'd got through the lesson, and I realized, I've gone past that tipping point of neuroplasticity.

• 35:38Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 35:39Dr. Tara Swart?

  You're at the point where you're digging for gold and you'd like to give up. And you just have to get past that point.

• 35:46Lewis Howes?

  I know. It's like I've been there for like a year.

• 35:47Dr. Tara Swart?

  But, you know, if you think about, I'm genuinely sure this will help you going forward, and please let me know if it does. If you think about it like building that pathway, building that brick wall.

• 36:00Lewis Howes?

  I like that.

• 36:01Dr. Tara Swart?

  Then you sort of acknowledging that it's physical work sometimes takes away that frustration that you think you should just be getting it and you're not. Because I don't think you would blame yourself in the same way if it was like a sport.

• 36:16Lewis Howes?

  No.

• 36:17Dr. Tara Swart?

  Exactly.

• 36:18Lewis Howes?

  Right. But it's like a physical workout.

• 36:20Dr. Tara Swart?

  Yeah.

• 36:21Lewis Howes?

  Why does it seem like a physical workout when you're just thinking something and speaking and listening?

• 36:25Dr. Tara Swart?

  Because it is physical work. You're building a pathway in your brain. You're not just thinking. Thinking doesn't happen without neuronal connections. So you're, you know, you're building synaps, you're connecting neurons through synapses, you're myelinating pathways, you know all this stuff. And

• 36:44Lewis Howes?

  And what does that do to the body when you're doing that to the brain?

• 36:47Dr. Tara Swart?

  It's the same as doing a workout.

• 36:49Lewis Howes?

  It's using energy.

• 36:50Dr. Tara Swart?

  It's using up glucose, yeah.

• 36:52Lewis Howes?

  Fascinating. Which makes you hungry or tired or whatever it might be.

• 36:56Dr. Tara Swart?

  And frustrated at points as well, you know, because, because once you've made enough synapses and connections and maybe myelinated the pathway. So there's three physiological aspects to neuroplasticity. Myelination is literally just making a pathway a faster faster pathway. So for example, we have myelinated pathways to snatch our hand out of fire, but we have non-myelinated pathways for pain. Because if you immediately, you know, felt the pain, you wouldn't be able to remove yourself from the danger. And the most, what you're doing in your brain now with Spanish is you're connecting up neurons that already exist through synapses, so you're making a new pathway for Spanish.

• 37:39Dr. Tara Swart?

  Judging by how hard you're finding it, it's possible that you are in the memory centers of your brain actually inducing neurogenesis, which is embryonic cells becoming fully-formed neurons and then connecting up through synapses with established neurons and then maybe getting myelinated.

• 37:57Lewis Howes?

  Okay. What does that mean?

• 37:59Dr. Tara Swart?

  It's, that's really hard work. So in the adult brain.

• 38:05Dr. Tara Swart?

  So, you know, children can learn like five languages at the same time, you know, from a young age.

• 38:12Dr. Tara Swart?

  And if you do have kids and you want to bring them up bilingual.

• 38:15Lewis Howes?

  Oh, I'm gonna definitely do that for sure, yeah.

• 38:17Dr. Tara Swart?

  Yeah, yeah, so you have to have a different parent speaking a different language or a diff, you know, a grandparent or nanny or whatever, so that they understand daddy's English, mummy's Spanish.

• 38:27Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 38:27Dr. Tara Swart?

  Um, so otherwise they muddle up the words and that can be.

• 38:30Lewis Howes?

  That's interesting.

• 38:32Dr. Tara Swart?

  So, yeah, so kids can do that easily because they've got lots of embryonic neurons that, you know, in the first two years of life, it's amazing. They go from being completely helpless to walking, talking, you know.

• 38:41Lewis Howes?

  Right, right, right.

• 38:42Dr. Tara Swart?

  For us, it's harder, but it's possible.

• 38:45Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 38:45Dr. Tara Swart?

  And neurogenesis, which is literally embryonic cells becoming neurons, may not be happening that much in the adult brain, but the synaptic connection is happening a lot.

• 38:56Lewis Howes?

  Well, it's interesting, I've never felt like I've had a good memory when it comes to books, like things I'm reading in school, I think it's because school was so challenging and I always, the belief was I was tested poorly and so it just reaffirmed that I wasn't good at it, right? Based on the way that that school was created for us. But in sports, I could remember really well, right? So I could remember other things or if I'd meet someone and they told me some weird thing about them, like I would remember this, right? And I could remember it 10 years later, something like that. So when it was more physical and active, I felt like I had incredible muscle memory, right? And I felt like I had incredible wisdom, but I didn't feel like I was smart.

• 39:42Lewis Howes?

  I felt like I understood people, but I couldn't remember something I read in a, in a page two seconds ago.

• 39:47Dr. Tara Swart?

  Yeah.

• 39:48Lewis Howes?

  Like I would have to repeat reading something over and over again to be like, what just happened? What did I just read? I couldn't comprehend words, but I could connect with people and emotions and, you know, movement and things like that. So I'm trying to figure out what's that way to learn Spanish through that.

• 40:07Lewis Howes?

  Or anything new, because I think one of the greatest parts about life, especially,

• 40:12Lewis Howes?

  you know, after childhood is like creating new adventures and not staying stuck in the same routine, but having new experiences, new adventures and learning new things. I love that you like to learn something new every year. I think that's a secret to keeping you young and youthful and looking thirty one, you know.

• 40:31Dr. Tara Swart?

  Thank you. So, two things I'd like to raise about that. One is that you've obviously done the work and become very successful, but there are a lot of people who would be stuck in that I'm not smart. And I was stuck in I'm not creative till I was thirty five, starting to give the numbers away, Lewis.

• 40:51Lewis Howes?

  Like two years ago.

• 40:54Dr. Tara Swart?

  So I was told at high school, because I wasn't good at art, that I wasn't creative. And I completely believed that I wasn't creative. I didn't think I could do anything but be a doctor for the rest of my life. And through a series of events, you know, which even probably I am not aware of the complexity of, I woke up one morning and I thought, I never chose to be a doctor. My parents told me to be a doctor.

• 41:20Dr. Tara Swart?

  I was told at school I was smart. I was so smart that I didn't just do an M D, I did a P H D as well. And I said to myself that morning, if I'm so effing smart, what do I actually want to do?

• 41:34Lewis Howes?

  With my life?

• 41:35Dr. Tara Swart?

  Yeah.

• 41:37Dr. Tara Swart?

  And so, you know, that was the start of my life. And, and in, within a short period of that, I realized I'm creative. You know, I might not be able to do a good painting, although I actually can now. So the belief, you know, also changed me. I started doing more art and stuff as well. But, you know, I created a business. I created a new life. I created a home. When I do my cooking, I'm creative. I've even, you know, I mean, there was a time that I looked in the mirror. I had this narrative, I'm not a writer, I'm not an author, because my P H D was so traumatic. Writing, it was like really what the worst like thing in my life. And I looked in the mirror and I was like, Tara, you've got a

• 42:18Dr. Tara Swart?

  bestselling, award-winning book that's translated into thirty eight languages. You are a writer.

• 42:23Lewis Howes?

  I know, it's crazy, right?

• 42:24Dr. Tara Swart?

  So, so there's that whole narrative that. Even you and I have got things in our head which are like, I'm not smart, I'm not creative. So, you know, think about people that haven't had the opportunities that we've had or who don't know about neuroplasticity. That's, that's why it's, you know, my passion and my heart. Because I just believe that that's such a key to unlocking things for so many people.

• 42:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 42:50Lewis Howes?

  What's your definition of chemistry, connection and compatibility?

• 42:55Stephan Speaks?

  Alright, so chemistry to me is, is the art of getting along, flowing with each other. Alright, chemistry can be created, it can be destroyed. Think about it from a team sports perspective. You can put players together and they have to build team chemistry. So through repetition, through practice, they can get to a point of having chemistry. Yes, some people have instant chemistry, alright? But just as it was instant, it can also be broken.

• 43:26Lewis Howes?

  Instantly.

• 43:26Stephan Speaks?

  Exactly. You know, we can start to not get along and not flow with each other very easily. Things can get in the way. And again, this happens even in team sports or even in the corporate arena where you have team building exercises, but then things happen that destroy the structure of the business.

• 43:42Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely, so that's chemistry.

• 43:43Stephan Speaks?

  That's chemistry.

• 43:44Lewis Howes?

  How important is chemistry?

• 43:46Stephan Speaks?

  It is still very important. It is not the most important, and I say that to mean chemistry has to be in every relationship for it to work and flourish. But it does not set the stage for everything else, alright? Connection sets the stage for everything else. So basically, if you have connection, you will be able to have chemistry and compatibility. But now, let's talk about compatibility. I believe compatibility is a very logic-based structure of putting two people together. It's also about we're compatible in the sense that we share values, alright? So again, you can meet someone that you are quote-unquote compatible with. You guys share similar values, you guys come from even maybe the same kind of cultures.

• 44:31Stephan Speaks?

  There could be a lot of things that make you guys compatible on paper.

• 44:35Lewis Howes?

  Uh huh. What is real compatibility?

• 44:38Stephan Speaks?

  Well, to me, that is real compatibility, so to speak. It's that, yes, you guys on paper are a good fit, alright? And you guys should work. But again, without connection, it won't matter. So I would argue that a lot of marriages, let's even talk about arranged marriages. Some of them were built on compatibility. Well, this person came from the right family, so we like this. They have a good job, they have a good education. They would be a good fit here. They share the same values. But when those two people are really alone with each other, it doesn't always hit. Which is why if you go on an online dating site, it can match two people together that are compatible on paper.

• 45:19Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 45:20Stephan Speaks?

  But in person, it doesn't always play out the same.

• 45:23Lewis Howes?

  Because what is missing?

• 45:24Stephan Speaks?

  The chemistry, or more importantly, the connection.

• 45:27Lewis Howes?

  And sometimes we might be tricked. Oh, we feel this spark of chemistry, but you may not have connection, is that true?

• 45:34Stephan Speaks?

  Absolutely, absolutely.

• 45:36Lewis Howes?

  So you might say, oh, we're compatible on paper, everything. We have the same values, we want the same things for our life, and marriage, and kids, and where our family's gonna be. We have compatibility. We have chemistry, there's some type of spark here.

• 45:48Stephan Speaks?

  Mm-hmm.

• 45:49Lewis Howes?

  I feel like, ooh, there's a little something down here.

• 45:51Stephan Speaks?

  And we get along, and we know how to flow with each other.

• 45:54Lewis Howes?

  It's amazing. But you're saying, if we can't find true connection, or if there isn't connection, can connection be created?

• 46:01Stephan Speaks?

  No, and so that's the huge distinction to me with connection. Connection cannot be created, nor can it be destroyed. It's either there, or it's not.

• 46:09Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 46:09Stephan Speaks?

  There's nothing you can do to build connection. You can build a stronger bond, you can create a stronger attachment to each other, but that still doesn't mean connection is there. And you see this play out in situations where you have people who could meet each other right now, have this amazing connection. Something happens where they fall apart. They come back together years later, ten, twenty years later, and it's like they never stop talking. It just falls right back into place. It's connection. It's a deeper thing that's occurring there. To me, connection is your spirit recognizing its match. It is something that is happening beneath the surface, alright? Which is why many people who have felt connection... Connection, you can't always explain it. Connection does not always line up with the logic of compatibility.

• 46:54Stephan Speaks?

  It's not always, oh, well, it makes sense because of this. No, it's just there. You just feel something with this person. You feel drawn to them. It's so much deeper than anything you've ever felt. And, and consider this, you can be compatible with tons of people. You can have chemistry with tons of people. You do not feel connection with a bunch of people. Period. If we were to survey people who have felt a connection in their life, you'd be lucky to find many who can say two times.

• 47:23Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 47:23Stephan Speaks?

  The majority will say it's a one-time occurrence that has happened to them. All right. And, and, and being able to have that again, it's very difficult. Now, I don't want anyone listening to be discouraged if they did not end up with the person they had a connection with. I'm not saying it's impossible for it to happen a second time. But I will say that if you surveyed people, you would have a hard time finding that many people that say it said it happened twice.

• 47:47Lewis Howes?

  When does someone know it's connection and not chemistry? Because I feel like you might be tricked. We have this incredible connection. We understand each other. We get each other. I can't explain it, but I feel something. That feeling might be also chemistry at the same time, right? It might be masking.

• 48:05Stephan Speaks?

  Yes.

• 48:06Lewis Howes?

  If it's really connection or chemistry. How do you know if it's true connection over, man, this is desire, connection, attraction, all these things happening at once?

• 48:15Stephan Speaks?

  One, can you truly be yourself with this person?

• 48:18Lewis Howes?

  That's big.

• 48:19Stephan Speaks?

  All right. Because again, a lot of people, they go on these dates. They're bringing their representative. And the chemistry happens on a surface level with the representatives that both sides are bringing. But when you actually show your true self, now what happens? And a lot of people have not done that with their partner or the person that they're getting to know. So again, you're falling into the hype of the chemistry or the compatibility, but you're not discovering true connection being there. So you've got to be able to be yourself because real connection loves you at the core. All right. You can show me all the parts of you. I still want you. All right. Number two is can we enjoy each other with no distractions? All right.

• 49:03Stephan Speaks?

  Again, what people fail to understand, and this can happen with chemistry, is that We're bonding based off of the activity or the things in our environment. Meaning, alright, we love going out together and we do all these fun stuff and we're doing all these things. And that's great, alright, we know how to have fun together. But can we be alone in a room, no TV, no distraction, no phone, just us? And still love being with each other? A lot of people can't say that. A lot of people are only able to be in their relationship and tolerate their partner, and I use that word strongly, tolerate their partner because they have enough distractions in their life.

• 49:45Stephan Speaks?

  They have kids, they have work, they have all these other things going on.

• 49:49Lewis Howes?

  TV, video games, man caves, whatever.

• 49:51Stephan Speaks?

  Exactly, all these things that pull them away from their partner. That does not allow them to face the fact that, no, you really don't like each other at the core.

• 49:59Lewis Howes?

  Man.

• 50:00Stephan Speaks?

  And so that is a huge sign of connection. That's why like, one thing I suggested in one of my books was go on a road trip. And it's just a random suggestion, but go on a road trip for at least six hours. No phone, no distraction, just you and them talking. Will you still be happy after those six hours? A lot of people can't make it that far in a car ride with their partner. Alright, a lot of people cannot be in a room alone with their partner and nothing else to take their attention. So you've gotta, you've gotta really push those boundaries to see, what do we really have here? If this is really gonna be called a connection?

• 50:34Lewis Howes?

  Right, and your fear is, are you able to grow together after ten, fifteen years? Is that one of the main things?

• 50:43Stephan Speaks?

  So it's, it's, you know, it's hard to, you know, you never, you never can look that far ahead. You know, and we don't know what's in store.

• 50:50Lewis Howes?

  You may not be here tomorrow.

• 50:51Stephan Speaks?

  Exactly, it's, it's a concern of, can we still give that same energy? And it's both sides, because again, I'm not saying, I'm not perfect. So even though I'm confident that I could do it. What if there's something that throws me off? You know, it's just that, yes, as time goes on, there's that test of really putting your best foot and bringing that same energy that you brought in the beginning. Now, again, I think I'm holding myself to a higher standard that I think most people do because I think that a lot of people's mentality is, well, things change. Things are gonna be different. It's okay. So what, you don't go out as much anymore? People think like this, but they don't realize that's why your relationship is deteriorating.

• 51:34Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 51:35Stephan Speaks?

  I don't want a deteriorated relationship. So when I think about, yes, can I be with someone past 10, 15 years? If I accept a level of mediocrity, of course.

• 51:44Lewis Howes?

  You don't want that.

• 51:46Stephan Speaks?

  Exactly. I'm saying, can we maintain excellence after these 10, 15 years? Exactly.

• 51:52Lewis Howes?

  Fun, play.

• 51:53Stephan Speaks?

  Happiness, joy, all these things. Because to me, what is the point of being here if we don't have it, if we're not operating at our highest level?

• 52:01Lewis Howes?

  What about, what about the saying that I hear? Whether this is a meme or this is women saying this online, maybe you know the line better than me. If he can't accept me at my worst, he doesn't deserve me at my best.

• 52:19Stephan Speaks?

  I hate that line.

• 52:22Stephan Speaks?

  I absolutely hate it. And I hate it because it has turned into validation for not addressing your flaws and issues. All right? I agree with it from the standpoint of you've gotta be able to handle your partner's worst moments. All right? Because we're gonna all have moments. We're gonna all fall, we're all gonna do, make a mistake. It's gonna happen. Over time, that's just the way it is. But when you are essentially trying to say, I have a horrible flaw and you should accept it, even when I wanna consistently make you deal with it, no, that's not gonna work for me. I can't accept that. That's not, that's not okay. And so a lot of people, that's what they're turning it into.

• 53:05Lewis Howes?

  That's you not taking accountability and responsibility for growth. Going back to, okay, this is where I'm at. I don't wanna address it. You just have to accept it and, or don't be with me.

• 53:15Stephan Speaks?

  Exactly. You know, it reminds me of like, I don't know if they still say it, but I know at one time, people would say arguing is healthy for a relationship. All right? I despise that.

• 53:26Lewis Howes?

  I don't know if I agree. I understand that.

• 53:30Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I just don't like that.

• 53:31Stephan Speaks?

  No, at all.

• 53:32Lewis Howes?

  Can you, can you communicate with, with, we don't agree on this, but do you have to argue?

• 53:36Stephan Speaks?

  Exactly. That's my thing. Disagreement is acceptable. Disrespect is not.

• 53:42Lewis Howes?

  Ooh.

• 53:43Stephan Speaks?

  Alright, so.

• 53:44Lewis Howes?

  Say it one more time.

• 53:45Stephan Speaks?

  Disagreement is acceptable, disrespect is not.

• 53:48Lewis Howes?

  That's good.

• 53:48Stephan Speaks?

  Alright, so my thing is, yes, it's okay and even healthy to have disagreements because we have different perspectives. We can bounce ideas off each other. We simply have to know how to navigate that and come to an official decision on things when we have those moments. But arguing, arguing says we are being disrespectful, whether our tone is negative, the words that we're using, you know, we're getting loud, we're getting angry, we're, we're basically throwing negative energy at our partner. That's not healthy. There's nothing healthy about that. But a lot of people will say that because they want to validate the unhealthiness in their relationship. They don't want to face the issue of, I need to learn how to talk to my partner better.

• 54:32Stephan Speaks?

  I don't want to have to fix my tone. Why do I have to watch what I say? Because that's what an adult does.

• 54:37Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 54:38Stephan Speaks?

  Alright, grow up. You know, like, I'm sorry to anyone listening to this, but that's the thrill. We, we can't just think it's okay, especially with our partners, to speak however we want, to, to, to throw all kinds of insults, to be disrespectful and think this is okay. Because what people are not realizing is, all it takes is that one really bad argument to plant a seed of negativity that now grows into something worse in the relationship. A lot of people's issues are not the issue that they're facing in that current moment. It's the culmination of all kinds of things before then. It's the buildup from that last time you disrespected me or made me feel some kind of way. And ever since then, I've resented you. And now in this resentment, I've given you an attitude.

• 55:24Stephan Speaks?

  You didn't know what the attitude was about because I didn't communicate clearly. Now you're giving me attitude and now you see how it turns into other things. Now that attitude turns into not having sex with each other. That attitude turns into, okay, uh, the way that we talk to each other in, in general, maybe being. Becoming secretive because now we don't feel like dealing with each other anymore. And what you don't realize is it started from disrespectful arguing.

• 55:46Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 55:47Stephan Speaks?

  Alright, it can also start from some other stuff, alright, but arguing is a huge problem for a lot of people. And we can't just keep sweeping under the rug. So going back to your point about the whole, uh, take me as my, at my worst. Yes, worst moment.

• 56:03Lewis Howes?

  Not, not always like this, and once in a while a good attitude.

• 56:07Stephan Speaks?

  Exactly, consistent negative behavior has to be addressed and corrected.

• 56:12Lewis Howes?

  So, arguments are disrespect, but disagreements is okay, is that what you said?

• 56:18Stephan Speaks?

  The disagreement is acceptable, disrespect is not.

• 56:21Lewis Howes?

  Yes, so you can always disagree and you can agree to not agree.

• 56:24Stephan Speaks?

  Yeah.

• 56:25Lewis Howes?

  Or you can, is that right, agree to disagree?

• 56:27Stephan Speaks?

  Yeah, agree to disagree.

• 56:28Lewis Howes?

  But you, but what I'm hearing you say is that arguing, uh, saying what's on your mind in an angry, aggressive way, uh, tearing down a partner is never gonna do anything good for someone.

• 56:42Stephan Speaks?

  Exactly, people have to understand, whenever someone feels attacked, they will defend themselves. Even if they know they're wrong, even if the point you're making is actually solid, the way you're coming at them negates their ability to receive it. That's why even me as a speaker, my, my focus has been, do I want to be heard or do I want people to receive my message? Alright, if I want to be heard, I can speak however I want, I can be blatant with the insults, I can cut people down, I can just make jokes of everybody's situation because it's just entertainment, I just wanna be heard. But no, I want people to receive it, and if I want people to receive it, I have to be more considerate, more compassionate, I have to check my tone, I have to be careful with my words.

• 57:25Stephan Speaks?

  And that's why if people watch my videos, they'll see I try to be very careful with my words, because I want you to receive what I'm saying. So if we're in a relationship, we have to take that approach. If you want them to hear you, be mindful of how you're talking to them.

• 57:39Lewis Howes?

  Why is it so hard for people?

• 57:41Stephan Speaks?

  Because again, they don't, they don't want to face the, the, or they don't want to do the work of correction. All right. And the work of correction can entail the healing. And again, facing those issues, it's also conditioning. If people have been brought up in households and environments where this is how they talk to each other. It's, it's very Hard to change that, yeah. It's foreign to now speak in a more loving and positive way. It's foreign to sit and be quiet and listen. All right. So now they have to reprogram themselves and that's a lot of work.

• 58:14Stephan Speaks?

  And, and I think also the acceptance of the way you're communicating is wrong. People don't like to face that they were wrong. They, they don't want to have to accept that. So it's no, I have to dig an even deeper hole. And, and, and stick with this whole negative approach of how I do things because no, there, there's nothing wrong with this. Or I see other people do it, but you know, they're fine. No, they're not fine. They're not okay, you know? So I think those reasons, they just overall, they don't want to have to do the work. And so they rather make excuses for it.

• 58:45Lewis Howes?

  I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel exclusively on Apple podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you, if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy and you matter.

• 59:29Lewis Howes?

  And now it's time to go out there and do something great.