Rebuild Your Identity in 3 Steps and Finally Make Habits Last | Dr. Kim Foster

Dr. Kim Foster, a family physician of 20 years turned YouTube creator, coach, and author of Redesigning You, joins Lewis Howes. Dr. Kim argues that lasting behavior change stalls because it is an identity problem rather than an information problem. The conversation covers her Recognize, Redesign, Ritualize framework, the bridge identity concept, her metaphor of identity as an operating system running apps, and her decision to leave clinical medicine.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Lewis Howes?

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• 0:46Speaker 01

  There was one patient, late 40s, a little bit overweight, her blood pressure was going up. And she knew that she wanted to exercise. I was supporting her on this, so we were talking about different things that she could do. I made some suggestions. At one point she said, this is great, Dr. Foster, thank you. But the thing is, I'm just not an exercise person. I never have been, it's just not me. And at that moment, I thought, oh, this is not an information problem. This is an identity problem.

• 1:17Lewis Howes?

  She's a formerly trained family physician. She's an author and one of the clearest voices on why lasting change starts with identity. Today's guest is Dr. Kim Foster.

• 1:28Speaker 01

  This is one of the key reasons why it's so hard to change identities. Because up until this point, your brain has had a whole lot of evidence that you are this kind of person. So you can look at yourself in the mirror and say, I'm very confident. But your mind is like, interesting, based on what?

• 1:43Lewis Howes?

  What's the framework for creating a new identity?

• 1:47Speaker 01

  So there's three parts. So recognize is the first, and that for many of us is the hardest part.

• 1:55Lewis Howes?

  You spent two decades as a physician, telling people essentially how to improve their lives. But you also observed very few people that changed their identity in this process. Why is it so difficult for so many of us to shift our identity, even though we know what to do? But how to shift our identity seems so challenging?

• 2:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, you're right. I mean, the identity piece is the key there. So I did spend two decades working as a family doctor and I saw people come in all day long. And I would give them advice, the stuff that I had been trained to do. So trained to tell people what they needed to do, how they needed to do it, give them the evidence, give all of those pieces. And then they would walk out motivated. So these are people who are intelligent, they're motivated, they have a lot at stake.

• 2:47Lewis Howes?

  And they're in pain or something, right?

• 2:48Speaker 01

  They're in pain, they're scared for what is coming for them, or what has already happened, or what their family has, history would tell them is coming for them. So they would really be very motivated to change. So motivation was not the problem and information was not the problem. And they would walk out and then I'd see them months again later and nothing had changed. Or maybe they had changed something for a short time, they tried, and then they kind of stopped, they fell off, they went back to old habits, old patterns. And I became really curious about that because, you know, I like to think that I was pretty good at giving explanations and, you know, helping people to understand.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  I like that piece of it, to educate them and help them understand why it was important and what they needed to do. So regular exercise and getting more sleep. And we know all this stuff, we know vegetables are involved, all of that stuff. So I became very curious about that gap. So what is that gap?

• 3:50Speaker 01

  And over time, well, I remember actually, there was one patient who, she was late 40s, a little bit overweight, her blood pressure was going up. And she knew that she wanted to exercise, get started exercising. And I was supporting her on this, so we were talking about different things that she could do. And I made some suggestions, you know, you could, doesn't need to take, or she had objections, right? The usual objections, like, I don't have much time. So I said, well, that's no problem, 10 minutes even at a time can make a difference. There's research on that, giving her all the information, right?

• 4:27Lewis Howes?

  There's all these excuses of why we can't do something that's better for us.

• 4:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, there's always reasons and they sound very rational.

• 4:35Lewis Howes?

  I've got three jobs, I've got three kids, I've got no time, I'm exhausted already. How could I find more time to do this, struggling in these areas? It all sounds rational, I guess, right?

• 4:45Speaker 01

  Exactly. And then it was like, oh, I don't like going to the gym and I was, no problem, you can do all kinds of things at home. And so I had all these things. And then at one point she said, this is great, Dr. Foster, thank you. I really appreciate this, but the thing is, I'm just not an exercise person. I never have been, it's just not me. And at that moment, I thought, oh, this is not an information problem. This is an identity problem. She just really does not see herself as someone who exercises. And then she went a little bit further and said that her sister was always the one who was the sporty one and she was the bookish one, right? So she had, it had come from what her family had told her, the roles that she'd played,

• 5:30Speaker 01

  all of that, that she'd accumulated. And then she just really didn't see herself as someone who exercised. So it didn't matter how bite sized I made it, or how easy I made it, or lay your workout clothes out the night before, all of that. If she just ultimately did not see herself as someone who exercised, it was just never really going to stick. She was, it was friction every time she was trying to enact that behavior. And so, once I saw that though, I could see that that applied across the board for so many things that we tried to change, not just, you know, to exercise or eating well. I had a guy who, many people who would say, no, I'm not a health nut, so don't talk to me about like lentils and things like.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  And, but if you have this identity of you being this kind of person or not that kind of person, then it is absolutely going to just be your instruction manual for how you live your life, the choices that you make. And when people say these identity statements, it sounds like fact. It sounds like it's the truth, like it's a neutral fact, like eye color or your height or something. Like, I'm not an exercise person, I'm a night owl, whatever. You know, we have all these identity statements. And once I started hearing people saying these things, it really, it just, I heard it all the time. And I began to recognize it as, that's the difference maker, that's the thing.

• 7:00Speaker 01

  Because I certainly also had patients who had more empowering identities. I had this 70-year-old guy who was very fit and like a big, strong guy who had been active his whole life. And I, because in your, you know, 60s, 70s, that's when you really start to see the differences in how you have lived your life. Because there, I certainly had many patients who were in those decades, who were not looking quite so robust and fit and strong. But he was, and he was waiting for a knee surgery, but he was a skier. And he was frustrated because it was meaning that he was losing out, missing out on the ski season, being on this waiting list.

• 7:43Speaker 01

  And because I was curious about him, I was curious about what had made it so that his life, he had chosen this particular trajectory. But the way, the language that he used was, I'm a skier, I'm an active guy, I need to get back out there, I've always taken care of myself. So he had these empowering identity statements that he has volunteered for how he saw himself, what his self-concept was. And that had dictated his choices through his whole lifetime.

• 8:12Lewis Howes?

  So if we have an identity that says, I'm just not a workout type person, or I'm just not a healthier type of person. But then we know we're supposed to start eating healthier if it's going to solve a health problem we have, or something, an ailment we have. Eating better, sleeping better, moving more is going to help that pain. But if we have an identity that says, no, you're not that person, you're this person. And we start taking those actions that we know are better for us, but go against our identity, what ultimately happens when we go against our identity, even for good?

• 8:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, when we go against our identity, even though we know cognitively it's for our own good, it's going to lead somewhere that we want it to go. But every time you do that action, it creates friction. And it creates like an identity mismatch. Because then, and our brains do not like that kind of, you know, disconnect or this incongruence. So we are, we have a belief about ourself on one level. And then we have what we're doing, what the actions and behaviors that we're doing on another level. And that feels uncomfortable. So our minds are looking to resolve those kinds of conflicts and that kind of cognitive dissonance.

• 9:32Speaker 01

  And there's two different ways to resolve that conflict. Obviously, you can stop going to the gym, or you can start considering yourself to be an athlete and, and change your identity. And the easier thing for us to do is to just stop doing the behavior that feels uncomfortable. And just to go back to what feels comfortable, what feels safe.

• 9:53Lewis Howes?

  Familiar.

• 9:54Speaker 01

  Familiar, what gives us, because we can get a lot out of identities that aren't even particularly positive. If it, sometimes it gives us a feeling of safety or a feeling of belonging. If it's especially, it's in your social circle, everybody is kind of the same. So you feel like you belong there, you know who you are in that role, in that identity. So even though you might know that is better for you, it's not what feels right. It doesn't feel safe. And our brains, you know, our job, our primitive brain job is to help us to survive. So if something feels like, this is not safe, this is not right, this doesn't,

• 10:37Speaker 01

  I have never done this before, so it's not guaranteed with my survival, because this is new. So our brains are going to want to default to patterns that feel safe, normal, new, familiar, what everyone else around us is doing, even though we know it would be better.

• 10:54Lewis Howes?

  Isn't it interesting? You could be in the worst situation of your life, or the worst relationship of your life, or the worst body of your life. But the unknown of taking the actions that will support you.

• 11:09Lewis Howes?

  Are more frightening than the actual fear of the familiarity of the environment you're in right now. It's like, it seems crazy when you're not in that situation to be able to see someone else's situation and say, just leave. Just start working out. Just get rid of that career if it's driving you crazy. If that relationship is killing you, literally get out. It seems easy to tell someone else, but when you're in that identity, it seems so scary of the unknown on what's the other side, right?

• 11:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. Cause our, our mind's job isn't to be like, oh, what would be really great for my growth or my development? What's inspiring? Like our primitive brains just want us to survive.

• 11:49Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 11:50Speaker 01

  And so, yeah, I mean, you can, you, you can for a while, right? Convince yourself that this is better. Um, but it's ultimately you're gonna, when you're busy, when you're tired, when you're stressed, you're going to start to default back. So, you know, you can be motivated on a good day and, uh, and feel inspired to do a particular thing that you know is better for you. When you are well rested and don't have a lot going on and all of those pieces. But when it rains, when it's your cold, tired, sick, have a super busy week, then it's so much easier just to default back to what is safe.

• 12:26Lewis Howes?

  I mean, so how does someone actually change their identity and how quick can you change your identity? Does it take months, years, decades, or can you change your identity in a moment?

• 12:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, this is a great question and this is the key because it sounds, it sounds really simple. Just change your identity. Just decide to be somebody different and you can make that decision quickly and overnight. Once you become aware, and really that's kind of, that is a big key is becoming aware because like I said, most people just report these identity statements like it's just fact. Once you become aware of it and once you realize that you want to change and adopt a new, more empowering identity, you can make that decision right away. But it's the stabilization that takes a while and that process requires proof. So your mind, because this is why it is, this is one of the key reasons why it's so hard to change our identities.

• 13:22Speaker 01

  Because up until this point, your brain has had a whole lot of evidence that you are this kind of person. So, um, you know, let's say that you, you are, you don't feel very confident, you want to be, because it's not just health, right? Of course, this applies to so many different realms. Um, you want to be socially confident, but you've always identified yourself as really awkward.

• 13:44Lewis Howes?

  Introverted shy.

• 13:45Speaker 01

  Introverted shy. Yes, that was me as a kid. Um, but so you can decide that you want that. But your brain has got so much evidence to the contrary. So you can look at yourself in the mirror and say, I'm very confident, but your mind is like, interesting, based on what?

• 14:02Lewis Howes?

  There's no evidence yet.

• 14:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, no evidence.

• 14:04Lewis Howes?

  So it's like one day at a time.

• 14:05Speaker 01

  So you need to start to gather proof. You need to start to log actual evidence that you can do things in a different way.

• 14:15Speaker 01

  However, it can be very difficult if you just try to leap straight from like, I'm super awkward and shy.

• 14:21Lewis Howes?

  To confident.

• 14:21Speaker 01

  To I am like a socially confident, social butterfly. That's just, and your brain is just going to reject that completely. And that's often why affirmations like big grandiose affirmations do not work for people. But if you can choose what I call a bridge identity, so.

• 14:37Lewis Howes?

  Bridge identity.

• 14:38Speaker 01

  Bridge identity. Yeah. So something that is, it's a bit of a stretch, but it's not the full way. It's one step away. So if you're, let's go back to the socially confident. So instead of saying, I'm super socially confident, uh, in envi- all environments, it could be, I'm somebody who is embracing the challenge of starting one new conversation each day. I'm somebody who can start up a conversation even when I feel uncomfortable or something like that, right? Like it's, it's just one little step off of, and it's believable, but it's also a stretch. And then you go out and gather some proof for that. So then you put yourself into a situation and you just do that one little action, even though it feels really uncomfortable.

• 15:24Speaker 01

  And then you have to, to really make that, pay attention to that piece of action. And so that you can internalize it and say, okay, that's what I did. I ma- I kept that promise to myself. And then you keep going and eventually.

• 15:40Lewis Howes?

  You call that the stabilization time?

• 15:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's, that's when you have to, you're stabilizing the identity so that it actually becomes real to you. And so that your mind actually starts to believe it and importantly believes it even when some contrary evidence shows up, like even when maybe something didn't go so great that you wanted it to. Because that's another key is that when you have a particular identity of yourself as somebody in particular. And then, um, you know, something happens that is in accordance with that. You're like, see, not me, right? So like.

• 16:18Lewis Howes?

  It goes back to the old belief.

• 16:19Speaker 01

  It goes back to the old belief. Yeah. I knew that that, I knew that I wasn't somebody who could do that. That's whatever. Um, but it's when you have an identity that is upgraded from that, those contrary pieces of evidence can, you can still have a bad day. You can still skip a run, but it doesn't shake who you actually fundamentally believe yourself to be. If you still believe yourself to be a runner, it rains, you decide not to go. It doesn't mean you're not a runner anymore. Just means that you just decided to give yourself a break that one day. But somebody who doesn't think of themselves as a runner is going to be like, oh yeah, see I skipped that run. I knew that it wasn't for me. I knew that's never been me anyway.

• 17:00Lewis Howes?

  She calls the bridge.

• 17:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, bridge identities.

• 17:03Lewis Howes?

  Bridge identities. What's the framework for creating a new identity then? You have this three-part framework, recognize, redesign, ritualize. What is that and how do we use that?

• 17:16Speaker 01

  Yes. So exactly like you said, so there's three parts. So recognize is the first. And that for many of us is, is the hardest part. Because like I said, we have just believed a certain thing about ourselves and we've been logging proof for our whole lifetime. Um, and so it just sounds like a fact. So you have to really start to recognize, well, what is the identity that I have been operating as? And, and then start to call that into question. Is that true? Does that have to always be true? Where did that come from? Who told me that that was true? You know, those kinds of questions, just really recognizing that it's not the truth.

• 17:57Speaker 01

  It's just an id- it's a story that you have been telling yourself about what's possible for you, what's not possible for you. And then, once you have kind of detached yourself a little from the stone cold truth of this identity story that you've been telling yourself, then it's redesign. So then you get to really identify, okay, what is the, who do I need to be for my next chapter? I have this goal. I have something that I would like to achieve. Who is the person who achieves that? Who is the person that, that acts like that, has that, um, life? And, and then, and that's the fun part too, is to really start to redesign.

• 18:38Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. And you get to redesign a, a new, um, a new identity for yourself. But then the third part is the key, that's ritualize. Because then that's really what I was talking about is you have to go out there and log proof. Because it's not just a thought exercise. It's not good enough to just choose a new identity and just be like, okay, job done. Um, you really have to go out there and start to collect proof in tiny, small, probably uncomfortable ways in the beginning. And then you start to, it becomes part of who you are. And then eventually you wake up and like, actually I am this kind of person now.

• 19:17Lewis Howes?

  Now for two decades, you worked as a family doctor. When did you realize that you didn't want to be in that practice anymore? Or you wanted to reimagine your, your work? And how hard was it to let go of an old identity of being a doctor?

• 19:34Speaker 01

  I mean, I had been practicing for 20 years and I mean, ultimately I ended up practicing for 20 years. It was, it was a few years before that, that I started to feel called to help people in a different way. Because as a doctor, so much of my work happened after something had already gone wrong. So somebody had developed heart disease, diabetes, chronic pain, or they were so exhausted and overwhelmed that, uh, their health was really starting to suffer. And I kept thinking, I want to get further upstream here. I wanted to help people to change their choices and their behavior and how they thought about themselves. Yeah. When there was still possibility ahead.

• 20:18Speaker 01

  And at the same time, I started to feel an increasingly strong pull, like a creative pull. So I wanted to create stuff of my own and write and speak and, um, you know, do things like that. And, uh, so I started dabbling a little. I started making some YouTube videos on the side. I started writing. I started coaching and I got to a point where I realized that this thing that I was doing on the side was really, that was the work that I wanted to do.

• 20:49Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. You loved it.

• 20:51Speaker 01

  I loved it. I loved it. And it was, it was meeting all of my, you know, inner needs for that sense of meaning and helping people upstream, all of those pieces.

• 21:02Speaker 01

  However, just knowing what I wanted to do again was not enough because I had a very ingrained identity as doctor.

• 21:10Lewis Howes?

  And you, you know, probably since you were a teenager, you're in college, you're like, I'm gonna go to med school and I'm gonna be in residency and then I'm gonna be a doctor. And it's like your whole adult life.

• 21:19Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 21:19Lewis Howes?

  Was around an identity.

• 21:21Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 21:21Lewis Howes?

  You talked about being a doctor, you met with patients every day, you, you got your credibility from this as well. You got so many things from, you got your money from this. All these things came from being a doctor.

• 21:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:34Lewis Howes?

  So leaving that identity must be challenging.

• 21:37Speaker 01

  It was incredibly challenging. It took me a long time to actually realize that, that so much of my identity was wrapped up in this. And yes, exactly. I decided when I was seventeen that I wanted to go to medical school. And so everything from that point onwards was, because being an achiever, good student type, I was like, okay, that's the goal. Now what do I need to do to get there? Then it was just a matter of execute. So I needed to get the grades. I needed to write the MCAT. Like I needed to do all the things and then get into medical school and now okay, get through med school. And so I really adopted, what I realized later is that I adopted a survivor identity.

• 22:19Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 22:19Speaker 01

  So yes, because I, I-

• 22:22Lewis Howes?

  Survive this, survive the test, the five med schools, survive the residency.

• 22:26Speaker 01

  Stick it out, no matter what, no matter how hard things get. Um, and-

• 22:31Lewis Howes?

  Sixteen hour days, no sleep, whatever it takes.

• 22:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, there were times in the hospital when I'd be, like in residency especially, I'd be so exhausted. I'd been working so many hours, it's the middle of the night, the pager goes off again, and I just wanted to ignore it.

• 22:47Lewis Howes?

  Go to sleep.

• 22:48Speaker 01

  Go back, yeah. And I'd put my head down, cry for a minute, and then get, pull myself together, walk out and do the thing that needed to be done.

• 22:58Lewis Howes?

  Survive.

• 22:58Speaker 01

  Survive.

• 22:59Lewis Howes?

  One more call.

• 23:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, just keep going. So when I reached a point in my medical career where I was like, I need to, I need to make this move. I need this new chapter. I need to go. My survivor had a lot to say about that. My survivor was like, this is hard? No problem. We can do hard. Keep going. And so I really had to understand that endurance isn't a virtue in all situations. Sometimes you need to know when to make a choice. Just because you can keep going, it doesn't mean that you have to keep going. And that the strength can come from making a choice, especially making an unconventional choice and walking away from something that

• 23:42Speaker 01

  I get a lot of validation from, status, like, eh, you know, it was very confusing for a lot of people, why I would actually-

• 23:51Lewis Howes?

  Why would you walk away from this? This is what you worked for your whole life.

• 23:53Speaker 01

  Yeah. Oh, and the sunk cost-

• 23:55Lewis Howes?

  This is who you are.

• 23:56Speaker 01

  The sunk cost was, was huge.

• 23:57Lewis Howes?

  Medical school or this, the investment.

• 23:59Speaker 01

  Why would you throw this all away? Why would you throw it all away? And, and I was asking myself that too. Like, it wasn't just people external to me saying, why would you throw it all, although I certainly had that. But it was, it was, yeah, that feeling of, I invested so much and now I'm just gonna walk away? That's crazy. Who does that? And so that was really hard. And what I came to realize, what I, the permission that I gave myself on that is that I didn't get that education to limit my life. I didn't get it so that I could only do this one thing forever and ever until I die. Um, I gave it to, I gave myself that education because I wanted to have a meaningful life. And I

• 24:43Speaker 01

  couldn't have foretold when I was seventeen that I was gonna reach a point that it didn't feel like it was giving me that meaningful life anymore. But I had to give myself permission to just let that go. And it also didn't mean that none of that stuff mattered. It didn't mean, I didn't have to pretend that it didn't happen or consider it all a waste. Just because you're not continuing on in something, doesn't mean that the years that came before were a total waste of time. I learned so much. I mean, all of those years deeply shaped who I am and how I think and the patterns that I recognize and how I relate to people. So I get to bring all of that with me. I'm just doing a different thing now. And it's okay. It's not a loss. I brought it all with me.

• 25:28Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm. Wow. So what was like the last day you, I guess, had your practice or before you moved on, what was that like? And why did you decide to say now's the time to move forward into a new identity?

• 25:40Speaker 01

  Yeah. I had two days that, that were significant. One was the day that I decided to go and one was the day that I actually did go.

• 25:48Lewis Howes?

  How much time was in between?

• 25:50Speaker 01

  There was a solid year in between those two.

• 25:52Lewis Howes?

  You made a decision like, all right, I'm done.

• 25:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:55Lewis Howes?

  Done with this. I'm gonna go create this new thing.

• 25:57Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 25:57Lewis Howes?

  And take a leap. But then a year went, you said, did you say I'm gonna give it a year? I'm gonna wait until this moment? Or you were just waiting until you knew the right time to leave?

• 26:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, well, the day that I decided, I was working in a university clinic and I had just finished suturing up a patient's hand, which is something that I really liked to do.

• 26:14Lewis Howes?

  Stitching?

• 26:15Speaker 01

  Stitching, yeah. And I like to think I was pretty good at it. But it was a pretty intense repair. It was just a little bit more complicated than usual. Anyway, I did a good job, but um, I wanted to kind of decompress a little bit. And out the back of the clinic, it was on a university campus, so there's woods out there. So I walked out, just put my earbuds in and listened to some things and went for a walk out of the woods, uh, before my next patient. And as I'm walking, I realized, I don't wanna go back.

• 26:45Lewis Howes?

  You don't wanna go back in?

• 26:46Speaker 01

  Don't wanna go back. And, and it wasn't, I didn't-

• 26:49Lewis Howes?

  That nature was calling you. You're like, I wanna stay in this, these woods.

• 26:53Speaker 01

  Well, what I realized is that I didn't wanna, it's not that I wanted to go, didn't wanna go back that afternoon. I didn't wanna go back at all.

• 26:58Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 26:59Speaker 01

  I wanted to keep walking through the woods and go emerge the other side. I had this vision of like emerging the other side into a completely new chapter of my life. And it was, and it wasn't because I had come, the interesting part to me, when I think back about it, is it wasn't because I had had a really bad thing. Like I'd just done a really good thing. I just sutured somebody's hand and did a good job. And was doing what I had trained, been trained to do and was quite capable of doing at that time. But I still didn't want to go back and keep doing it. So I did go back though, that afternoon. I didn't walk through the door and throw my stethoscope across the room or, it wasn't

• 27:40Speaker 01

  like that. Um, because I still had, I knew that I still had some work to do. Because that's when I realized, because the other thing is, I mean, I'd started dabbling with YouTube and coaching and all of that. And I was starting to make money enough that I knew I could actually support myself and my family. We wouldn't have to sell our house. Um, and I was like, okay, so you actually logistically could leave now. So why aren't you?

• 28:08Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. So you were making enough. Maybe it wasn't the exact amount you're making as a doctor, but it was enough.

• 28:13Speaker 01

  It was enough that I could go.

• 28:15Lewis Howes?

  So what was it that was holding you back?

• 28:17Speaker 01

  Well, that was when I really had to get intensive and intentional about addressing that identity piece, about who am I here? Like what, why, who will I be without being a doctor? Because I just couldn't let it go. I just, it had been so wrapped up in my entire adult life, that I just couldn't, I couldn't walk away yet. So I needed to really think about, well, what is that gonna be like? Like what do I write on forms when they ask me, what's your occupation? And, uh, you know, what do I say? I just needed to, to really-

• 28:45Lewis Howes?

  Youtuber.

• 28:47Speaker 01

  Well, that's it. Actually, I did, it's actually funny. I did have, well, the first time that I introduced myself as a YouTuber was pretty crazy. Cause that's, that is a strange-

• 28:56Lewis Howes?

  You're just a YouTuber, you're not a doctor anymore?

• 28:58Speaker 01

  Right. Yeah. Yeah. Like at dinner parties, your uncle isn't like, so you're a doctor? Well, what are you really gonna do with your life? But they do have that response when you tell people that you're-

• 29:07Lewis Howes?

  Interesting. That's so funny because, do you know Ali Abdaal?

• 29:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, I met Ali last summer.

• 29:11Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 29:12Speaker 01

  Yes, yes, yeah.

• 29:13Lewis Howes?

  So I, I've known him for a while and I was, or maybe he is interviewing me. That's what he was doing. He was interviewing me, I think. Um, and he was still a doctor, like two days a month or something.

• 29:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:23Lewis Howes?

  But he was making more, just as much as a YouTuber. And I go, what are you waiting for, man? And he was holding on to this identity of, well, how are people gonna look at me?

• 29:33Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 29:33Lewis Howes?

  Without me saying I'm, I'm not a doctor anymore. You know, I'm not practicing.

• 29:36Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:37Lewis Howes?

  It was tied into his identity. He's like- Then he finally took the leap, I think a few months later, and then he made millions of dollars, you know, pretty quickly after that, being a YouTuber, right?

• 29:48Speaker 01

  Right, just a YouTuber.

• 29:49Lewis Howes?

  And, but I think there's a, for him, it was challenging, for you it was challenging, but when did you finally come to grips with like, it's gonna be okay?

• 29:58Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:59Lewis Howes?

  If I'm not identified as a doctor, I'm not getting this validation or this credibility that I've had for so long?

• 30:05Speaker 01

  Well, I finally came to terms with it and I actually had written up my resignation letter and I was, I was feeling really at peace with it and I was good to go. And in the new year, like in January, I was gonna just let people know and I needed to, you know, I had obligations to make sure that everything was gonna be taken care of, all of those things, and the new year was 2020.

• 30:26Lewis Howes?

  Oh.

• 30:27Speaker 01

  And COVID happened.

• 30:28Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 30:29Speaker 01

  And I thought, this is not the moment when I can walk away. I can't abandon this now. I can't abandon the healthcare profession at the absolute worst moment.

• 30:39Lewis Howes?

  You can't abandon them, but did they abandon you?

• 30:42Speaker 01

  Well.

• 30:43Lewis Howes?

  The healthcare profession abandoned you in some ways.

• 30:45Speaker 01

  Yes, possibly, but I just felt like in my core, I was like, this is not how I wanna leave, this is not what I wanna do. And so I stayed through the first wave of COVID and in, and really, I mean, it was terrifying, personally, absolutely terrifying, professionally and personally terrifying time to be practicing medicine, but especially primary care frontline. And, uh, but it was beautiful and like the banging pots and everything, like that's for me and my boys were proud of that, they were terrified for me too, but, um, it was a really nice sort of end and then we went through the summer and then it was October, my birthday month and things were really quieting down, 2020, things were very much quieting down in our area anyway, there wasn't much.

• 31:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 31:29Speaker 01

  On the island, yeah, the, the wave had passed and so I was like, okay, this is my time, so October, my birthday month, I sent in that letter and then I was done. And on my last day, that when I was finished seeing my very last patient, so last day, last patient.

• 31:47Lewis Howes?

  Five o'clock.

• 31:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, I walked out of the clinic and I got into my car and I ugly cried for 15 minutes.

• 31:55Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 31:56Speaker 01

  I just cried, it just all came pouring out, cause I knew I wasn't going back and I knew that that was the end and I just had visions of my 17-year-old self who had all like starry-eyed, I wanna be a doctor, got into medical school, had worked so hard and it was all over and I wasn't gonna see patients anymore and I wasn't going to be Dr. Foster anymore, like it was all at a chapter end, so, so clearly, and so that was identity grief for me, what I recognize now is that it was like a cathartic moment of letting that old identity go and it was, it was huge.

• 32:41Lewis Howes?

  How long did it take for you to step into the new identity after leaving being a doctor?

• 32:46Speaker 01

  The next five minutes.

• 32:48Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 32:48Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 32:49Lewis Howes?

  So you cried out, you're like, but you'd also processed for a year beforehand.

• 32:53Speaker 01

  I had been processing.

• 32:53Lewis Howes?

  You were ready to leave.

• 32:54Speaker 01

  All of my stuff on that, I was ready and then I had actually been ready and then was sort of held back by the world, global crisis and so, yeah, so then I stopped crying and I turned on the music, I put the windows down and it was a beautiful day and I drove home and I felt so free.

• 33:13Lewis Howes?

  Freedom.

• 33:14Speaker 01

  Total, complete.

• 33:16Lewis Howes?

  Freedom.

• 33:16Speaker 01

  I own my day, I own my life again and I can do whatever I want. And I mean, I knew what I wanted to do, cause it was already very much in play, I didn't.

• 33:25Lewis Howes?

  You're already doing it.

• 33:25Speaker 01

  I mean, I did, in some ways, I think of myself as leaping out of a parish, uh, airplane without a parachute, but I knew what I was, was going to do.

• 33:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. My friend, I hope you're enjoying this episode and the School of Greatness drops new conversations every Monday, Wednesday and Friday around money, mindset, healing, manifestation and relationships. And if you're not yet following the show, then you're missing all of them. Please tap the follow button right now and you'll get notified the moment every new episode drops because the next one might be exactly what you need. Now, let's get back to the conversation. Now, you also disagree with the self-help advice that some people give where they focus on shaming people into becoming a better person or a new person or changing their beliefs or habits.

• 34:13Lewis Howes?

  Why does shaming people to improve who they are not actually help them?

• 34:20Speaker 01

  It's a really easy thing to think and we all kind of do this, so we, we want to make a change, cause we, I mean, if it's weight, we catch a photograph of ourselves and we're like, oh, is that what I look like, I'm disgusting, I need to make a change now. So we do this as kind of a knee-jerk reaction and it is quite normal, I think, to initially want to make a change out of that feeling of kind of self-loathing, but we know that self-loathing is never how you're going to actually make a longstanding change. It is so much more helpful to make a change because you love yourself, I mean, cliche it sounds, but it's absolutely true and backed up by research, is that you want to, if we

• 35:04Speaker 01

  just stick with the weight loss example, for example, um, lose weight and become fit and healthy because you love your body, not because you hate your body, it's just so much more effective lo- long-term, it's, you're going to be able to stick with it because, again, the idea is sustainability, right? So as I said, when I was practicing, people would do stuff temporarily, um, and then they'd come back and I'm like, oh, I went back to the way that it was. And so if you're making a change because you hate yourself or you're so mad about that you've let yourself fall into this pattern or that you are so useless or whatever, whatever negative thing that you're telling yourself, it's, that's not a sustainable way of staying motivated.

• 35:47Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Some other people in this, uh, personal development space talk about stacking habits. A lot of people say, you know, just stack these habits, you know, if you're running, also listen to something or also do this or whatever it might be, or drinking water, it's like, how do you stack two or three habits at a time, uh, in order to shift the person you wanna become? So your approach is a little bit different though, you say we should be putting belief before ritual, why is that?

• 36:14Speaker 01

  I love habit stacking, like I love those tactics and those strategies and I think that there are a lot of great techniques and approaches that you can take in order to help to facilitate the change that you want to make and make the actions that you wanna take easier, but if that's all you're doing, you really are just addressing things on that one surface level, you're not really, so you can maybe like make some changes and stack some habits onto something that you're already doing, but again, like we were saying before, if you, on a hard day, a tough week, if you fundamentally don't believe yourself to be that kind of person, then it's just so much easier to be like, I don't really,

• 36:59Speaker 01

  that's not me anyway, and then, you know, it, yeah, sure, it's, I have a stack of habits, but maybe if I just lop off the top couple, like who's gonna, it just feels more comfortable anyway. So yes, absolutely, do all of those bite-sized habits, stack your habits, create a trigger, create a reward, all of those things are so great, but you also, at the same time, need to be addressing that deeper foundational identity level. It's like the example that I often, the metaphor that I give is like your operating system and your apps, so the apps are like your goals and your habits and habit stacking and all that stuff, but when you, so you can download all kinds of fancy new apps, but you open up your phone and those apps are glitching or they're not loading or they're

• 37:43Speaker 01

  crashing or whatever is happening, what you realize is that the operating system is, hasn't been updated in a couple of years. You need to update that operating system so that the apps can run correctly in your actual life on a, not just on your best day, but on a random Tuesday when things are really tough otherwise in your life or you're busy or you're tired or the kids need you or whatever needs you.

• 38:09Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, if someone listening or watching right now is stuck in a pattern that they find hard to break, where do they actually start today that you think will help them to become a better person?

• 38:19Speaker 01

  Well, the very first thing, of course, is that recognize step, so that's when you really need to, rather than blaming the habit or blaming yourself or blaming external circumstances or genetics or whatever it is that, you know, you're blaming on the outside, is to really recognize the story that you have been running underneath, really recognize that, oh, I've not really been thinking that this is available to me, I've really been thinking that I am this kind of person, not that kind of person, and those kinds of statements, it's just stories that we, we don't just make them up randomly, I mean, it comes to us from a whole bunch of accumulated evidence and sources as we're growing up and going through

• 39:04Speaker 01

  life, so it's not just random, it came from somewhere, but it still is a story and since it's a story that was written, means it can be rewritten into something else. And so that's really the, the starting point, is to just get curious and question and, and detached curiosity is, is so key because we can beat ourselves up, be like, why do I, why have I always believed this, oh, I'm such, I'm the worst, and that's not helpful either. So, you know, it's a matter of becoming, it's just granting yourself some grace and saying, well, of course, this is what I've been thinking because there's been a whole lot of proof that I've been accumulating for, you know, how I'm going to live and exist in the world.

• 39:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. What's the biggest thing you struggle with today still, after knowing all that you know from creating your content and coaching people, writing the book, where do you struggle around identity?

• 39:57Speaker 01

  My favorite lab currently for personal development and identity is golf, so I've become completely obsessed with golf.

• 40:04Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 40:04Speaker 01

  Yes, completely obsessed and that's because, and one of the things that I absolutely love about it is that it is such a pure personal development lab, it shows all of your stuff. If I am distracted, if I am not trusting myself, it shows up in the flight of the ball immediately and, uh, and I love that. So committing to my shot, but then being totally detached from the outcome is the key that I have learned and that's what I'm practicing all the time and that applies not just to golf, obviously, um, but to life, so making a decision. Being fully committed to the swing, to the action, whatever it is that you're taking,

• 40:48Speaker 01

  but then not making it mean something if if it catches a bad balance, if the wind catches it, like whatever, these are life circumstances. And so, you know, but not making that mean that I didn't do my job of being, making the decision, being committed and doing the thing and then detaching from it.

• 41:09Lewis Howes?

  Well, what do you think most people get wrong in the self-help space about motivation and goal setting?

• 41:16Speaker 01

  I think that people do focus excessively on the goal, like what is this goal that I need to achieve? Actually, I mean, honestly, as boring as it might be to go back to the golf example too, right? Like, so the goal clearly is to get the ball in the hole, right? Um, there's a lot of different ways that you can get there. And, um, and it's a matter of, like I said, detaching from that goal. But who are you being in that whole process is so much more important than whether you actually achieve that goal. You know, you can have a great committed swing and then it ends up in the rough and you are,

• 41:57Speaker 01

  you can be all mad about that for a long time, but ultimately you have to walk over and be like, okay, this is where we are and that's where the hole is. And so how am I going to get there now? So it's, but who are you being in that moment? How are you handling the adversity? So that's why who you're being, like your identity is so much more important than just achieving the goal, which is just one metric, it's just one marker, but there's so much more that goes into it. So, yeah.

• 42:24Lewis Howes?

  What's a mental reframe that people need to apply when they have self doubt?

• 42:31Speaker 01

  Self doubt is a fascinating kind of thing. And I think it kind of gets a bad rap because we think that we shouldn't have self. If I think that a lot of people feel like if I've feeling self doubt, that must mean something about my capability or about what's possible, or maybe this is the wrong thing, maybe I can't really do this. So for me, the goal isn't to never have self doubt, it's to manage to figure out how to work through it. The story that I think of most when I think about self doubt in my own life was when I was a resident and the very first time, like, so I'm working in the hospital and it's, it's very tough. And on call that night and it's the middle of the night and we get called to a code. So that's when somebody's having cardiac arrest.

• 43:16Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 43:17Speaker 01

  So, and I'm in, so I'm first year, so I'm very new on the team.

• 43:21Lewis Howes?

  You're having a heart attack in the hospital?

• 43:22Speaker 01

  They are in the hospital, yeah, code cardiac arrest in the hospital. So we have to do the resuscitation and the defibrillation, everything.

• 43:28Lewis Howes?

  That's a lot.

• 43:29Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 43:29Lewis Howes?

  Quite intense.

• 43:30Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, but it happened all the time, like this was quite, quite normal.

• 43:34Lewis Howes?

  Every week?

• 43:35Speaker 01

  Almost every shift that you're on.

• 43:37Lewis Howes?

  Someone's having a heart attack every shift?

• 43:39Speaker 01

  Almost, yeah, yeah, typically, if, yeah, if you're on the code.

• 43:43Lewis Howes?

  You bring the whole thing in?

• 43:44Speaker 01

  Yes, this is.

• 43:44Lewis Howes?

  Wow, that's intense.

• 43:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:46Lewis Howes?

  Adrenaline must always be on edge.

• 43:48Speaker 01

  Because, because mostly you're getting woken up out of the, out of a dead sleep. And then you're running before you're even fully awake.

• 43:54Lewis Howes?

  In the hospital?

• 43:55Speaker 01

  In the hospital, yes.

• 43:56Lewis Howes?

  That's intense.

• 43:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:57Lewis Howes?

  That is like survival energy constantly, right?

• 44:00Speaker 01

  Constantly, yes.

• 44:00Lewis Howes?

  You're surviving to make someone else survive.

• 44:02Speaker 01

  Exactly, yeah.

• 44:03Lewis Howes?

  Holy.

• 44:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, we get called to this code, it's my first, so I'm, like I said, junior. And so the senior resident, how old was I, twenty five?

• 44:14Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 44:14Speaker 01

  Something like that. And my senior resident was running the code, so he's interpreting the rhythms and he's looking at and deciding what medications need to be given, what needs to happen next. And he tells me to take over chest compressions. So chest, so I'm.

• 44:29Lewis Howes?

  You're like, all right, eight years of studying, now it's ready.

• 44:32Speaker 01

  Here we are, yeah, go time. So I climb up onto the bed to do the chest compressions. And up until this point, I've only ever done them on a mannequin, you know, practice. So I'm, I'm start doing the chest compressions and they're like, no, more, deeper, because you really need to compress the chest enough to get, squeeze the blood through the heart so that they can start to see a blip on the monitor that you're actually pushing blood through the body. So, so I start going deeper and then I feel the ribs.

• 45:00Lewis Howes?

  Crack? No, oh, no, and they say that's normal.

• 45:05Speaker 01

  And, and I, I flinch, of course, because I just cracked a guy's ribs.

• 45:09Lewis Howes?

  Oh, gosh.

• 45:09Speaker 01

  And I looked up and my, my senior resident, his eyes met me and he just nodded, he's like, keep going.

• 45:16Lewis Howes?

  Keep going?

• 45:17Speaker 01

  Because that's what you had to do.

• 45:19Lewis Howes?

  Oh, gosh.

• 45:19Speaker 01

  Right? So I just had to keep going. So that was a pure moment of self doubt. I'm like, of course.

• 45:26Lewis Howes?

  Yes, go, and you're like, huh, huh, crack, crack.

• 45:29Speaker 01

  And every few thrusts, I would just, I'd be cracking your ribs. And this is so anathema to what you're supposed to be doing as a doctor.

• 45:36Lewis Howes?

  Trying to save someone, not break their bones.

• 45:38Speaker 01

  People, yes, breaking their body. So anyway, but I think about that because in that moment of doubt, like I don't, I can't, am I supposed to keep doing this? Is this right? This feels wrong. My resident was there to look at me and say, yes, keep going. In life, we rarely have the equivalent of a senior resident who's like, it's fine. I know you're uncomfortable, I know this feels weird and wrong, but you have to keep going because you're doing the right thing. And so I often think of like, okay, well, I'm feeling this self doubt. Is it the still the right thing that I am doing to keep going here and keep pressing board? Even though I don't have my resident, they're nodding at me to keep going, but we can create that for ourselves.

• 46:19Lewis Howes?

  Wow, this is such a curiosity. Did you always break someone's ribs or was it like sometimes it was like?

• 46:25Speaker 01

  Well, he was particularly elderly, this guy, so yes, he had very fragile bones, but it's not uncommon, it's not uncommon.

• 46:32Lewis Howes?

  Oh, no.

• 46:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:34Lewis Howes?

  Gosh, that's not fun.

• 46:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, but it has to be done.

• 46:38Lewis Howes?

  Man, that's not fun.

• 46:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:40Lewis Howes?

  Because it's life or death, I guess, in that moment. It's like you have to do whatever it takes to save a life.

• 46:44Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 46:45Lewis Howes?

  Even if it means cracking up your ribs. Oh, my gosh, I broke three ribs twice, back to back years, and I just, I just know the pain of that.

• 46:54Speaker 01

  It's so painful, it is exquisitely painful. There's a lot of nerve endings in your rib cage.

• 46:59Lewis Howes?

  Can't breathe for months, it's like you can't move.

• 47:02Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

• 47:03Lewis Howes?

  I want to know how someone can become more magnetic. Someone doesn't feel like they're energetically attractive, like they don't create opportunities for themselves, like they're not developing luck every single day for themselves. What are a few small habits that can make you instantly more magnetic?

• 47:22Speaker 01

  Hmm, yeah, this was actually quite a popular video on my YouTube channel. A little unexpectedly, I mean, we make these videos and then you never know. Yeah, but I really had a lot of fun with this one. And the core of it certainly is, I mean, it's the stuff that we've been talking about is your identity. So you first of all, need to stop telling yourself that you're not magnetic or that you're not confident or any of that kind of thing. Because when you carry that energy, that does a couple of things. First, it limits what you even put yourself out for, you just decide, you don't even see opportunities because you've already pre-decided that that's not for you.

• 48:03Speaker 01

  So that's the first thing really is to decide that, uh, it's just find a more empowering identity. And again, maybe like the, the big, I'm a super attractor, like that might be too far.

• 48:16Lewis Howes?

  Create a bridge.

• 48:17Speaker 01

  A bridge identity, yeah, you can absolutely do that and then start to gather proof for that. But then the other sort of more practical thing would be, and this also comes from having a disempowering identity, is to stop monitoring yourself so much.

• 48:32Lewis Howes?

  What does that mean?

• 48:33Speaker 01

  So you are checking in like, um, see, how am I coming across? How do I look? How do I sound? Am I, what am I doing with my hands? Am I awkward now? That kind of thing, which pulls you right out of the energy of actually being present in the room and present with another person and listening to what's happening. Because you're just all entirely in your own head.

• 48:56Lewis Howes?

  Self-focused.

• 48:57Speaker 01

  Self-focused.

• 48:57Lewis Howes?

  Be outward focused, not self-focused.

• 48:59Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:00Lewis Howes?

  Okay, what's the next tiny little habit?

• 49:02Speaker 01

  Another one is pause, slow down. So rather than rushing into a thing and just blurting something out because you need to fill that silence or fill that awkwardness, just pausing, taking your time. And again, that's a present, being present kind of thing. And the first time that I learned that was actually also in medical residency. See, this is the thing, is that I actually learned a ton about myself and life and people going through that training because it's so intense, there's so much going on. So, and again, I get to bring that all with me, even though I'm not practicing clinically anymore. But yeah, I was doing a radiology rotation, so it's like X-rays, reading images and films and things.

• 49:47Speaker 01

  And so, uh, the attending physician would put a film up, this is when we used film, not digital, but anyway, put a film up. And, uh, and he'd say, okay, so Dr. Foster, what do you see? And the impulse, of course, is just to like immediately just grasp at something because it's awkward. Everybody is there, it's like a large group, it's not just a, we're doing rounds and it's a big group of people. I trained myself to not immediately grasp for the first answer, to just look and be okay with there being silence as I'm processing and, and read it and then start to come with my initial thoughts, my initial impressions, that kind of thing.

• 50:31Speaker 01

  And it was really tough and, but I trained myself to do that and it made a big difference, I think. And one of the senior residents on the team actually pulled me aside and he's like, really, you've got great composure, you really, it's like impressive how when they ask you a question, you're not just like babbling and blurting something out and, uh.

• 50:54Lewis Howes?

  It probably feels like a lifetime, but if it's five to 10 seconds, when everyone's waiting for you to answer, you're like,

• 51:01Lewis Howes?

  just pausing, observing, and you're like, okay, now I'll answer. It seems like a lifetime.

• 51:07Speaker 01

  Right, and it feels like, it looks like, on the inside, it looks like you're uncertain and you don't know and you're, you know, too new, but on the outside, it actually reads as composure and confidence, that you're gathering yourself, you're assessing the situation properly and taking your time so that you're not rushing into an answer.

• 51:26Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 51:32Lewis Howes?

  Was there another tiny habit that you liked?

• 51:33Speaker 01

  I like eye contact. I think that I can, and especially, my goodness, now, eye contact, like, everybody's looking down. It's crazy how we are becoming so not used to looking at people. Uh, and yeah, I mean, it's, I, I think it makes a huge difference. Like even an extra couple of beats of eye contact with someone, like with a stranger, um, the barista at the coffee shop, or somebody that you pass by, or anybody. And it really, it, that even just like two extra seconds makes that extra connection. And I think that makes a huge difference.

• 52:11Lewis Howes?

  Makes you more magnetic.

• 52:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:13Lewis Howes?

  I love those. Those are easy things that people can do every single day. What would you say is the difference between being magnetic and being performative?

• 52:21Speaker 01

  Hmm. It can be very tricky in the beginning to, to distinguish those things. And that's because in the beginning, it can actually be a little bit of a performance, right? It's like, because it's not, you're not used to it yet. It's not natural. But I think we can confuse something feeling comfortable with something being inauthentic. It's not necessarily inauthentic. You are working, you can work towards inhabiting a, a new identity, a new presence for yourself, a new way of being. And it's okay that it feels uncomfortable. It doesn't mean that something has gone wrong in the beginning. And so it's over time, things start, every new action or behavior

• 53:06Speaker 01

  feels uncomfortable to people in the beginning. It's after, it's over a period of time and with reps that it starts to feel more like, yeah, this is actually just how I operate.

• 53:15Lewis Howes?

  You're six years removed now from being a full-time doctor.

• 53:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:19Lewis Howes?

  If you could go back to, you know, the morning of the last day when you were a doctor, your last day of practice before you ugly cried at the end of the day, were free and could finally walk out in the forest like you wanted to a year before that. Uh, what advice would you give her right now? Six years ago, the day you were about to leave being a doctor?

• 53:43Speaker 01

  It's kind of interesting. I would tell her it's, it's absolutely going to be okay. You are absolutely doing the right thing, except at the time I actually knew that and...

• 53:53Lewis Howes?

  But you didn't know what you create.

• 53:54Speaker 01

  I didn't know what I was gonna create. So yes, I mean, now the validation has come. Now the proof has all come. And so, yes, it would have been nice to have received some extra reassurance that like, it's gonna be completely fine. You are 100% making the right decision. You're gonna be so happy on the other side of it. And it's gonna be all worthwhile.

• 54:16Lewis Howes?

  Do you feel like it's, um, it's all been worth it?

• 54:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:21Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 54:22Speaker 01

  It's all been worth it. It's all been worth it. Not just the walking away, but also the doing, the training, deciding. People have asked me if I regretted going into medicine and I absolutely don't. It made me who I am. And again, I don't have to abandon that. I don't have to pretend that I didn't go to medical school, that I wasn't a doctor. Um, it does require some explanation afterwards. And even now, people still don't really understand. I think I met somebody last month who didn't really understand why I'd stopped practicing medicine. And it's a pretty long story. And we didn't have 90 minutes to go through it like we are now.

• 54:58Lewis Howes?

  Well, cause most people don't become a doctor and then stop.

• 55:00Speaker 01

  Most people don't.

• 55:01Lewis Howes?

  They just do it forever.

• 55:02Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. And I do catch actually quite a bit of criticism on my YouTube channel for that. Whenever I do actually address the fact that I left medicine and maybe talk a little bit about that, there are definitely some people who don't appreciate it and don't understand. Uh, there's various criticisms. I mean, one that does come up quite a bit is that I took a spot in medical school away from somebody who would practice forever. And I'm like, well, I did practice for 20 years.

• 55:27Lewis Howes?

  That's a long time.

• 55:27Speaker 01

  That's actually quite a bit of time. I didn't just abandon it immediately. And I didn't go into it thinking I'm going to stop doing it. I mean, that would have been a different story if I had done that.

• 55:37Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 55:37Speaker 01

  But still, I, but I, as with all YouTube commenters, I think, okay, well, this person, maybe they had actually wanted to go to medical school and they didn't get in. So I totally understand that there could be other things that I do not understand about their lens.

• 55:50Lewis Howes?

  And it doesn't mean you can't still help people in a doctor mindset. You know, if someone's sick or hurting, you could give them, I guess, some type of treatment that you're aware of. Maybe you can't prescribe something.

• 56:01Speaker 01

  Right.

• 56:02Lewis Howes?

  But you can say, oh, we need to get you stitches. We need to do this. You should go see someone to get you this medicine. You can give them insights based on what you know to still help people.

• 56:11Speaker 01

  Totally. And the, yeah, the knowledge is all still there. And I think the reassurance is there too. I remember I was working in a clinic and a guy fell down on the sidewalk just outside of the clinic. And so somebody said, oh, you know, come out and see this guy. And I went out and saw him and, and I said, it's okay, I'm a doctor. And the relief on his face, in his eyes, I mean, I wasn't gonna do anything out of the sense that he needed to get his, but just to know, just to go from being a guy on a pavement who just hit his head and was very confused, to suddenly having somebody standing over him saying, I'm a doctor, that relief was there. And then I, and so I get to, I'm not gonna practice medicine.

• 56:54Speaker 01

  Yes, obviously. But that, that role, I mean, those are the sorts of things though, that kind of role in society was part of what kept me in it for a long time.

• 57:02Lewis Howes?

  Of course. Yeah. And if you're on a plane, if someone's going through something, you can go and support them or whatever it might be. Someone faints, if someone has an issue or whatever.

• 57:10Speaker 01

  It's so much more about the reassurance and support, not necessarily like exactly technically what I would do. So I still get to inhabit that role.

• 57:20Lewis Howes?

  It's exciting. Um, you got this book out called Redesigning You, which is about how to change your inner story to transform your health. And I want everyone to go get this book because for me, um, from all the, the information that I've learned on this show, I truly believe that identity is at the root of so many things. And when we have an identity or a belief about ourselves that is limiting us, it's gonna be hard to create an abundant, free life. But when we learn the tools and how to shift the identity and the story and the beliefs about who we are, and we start living into them with new evidence and start building the identity brick by brick with new evidence,

• 58:04Lewis Howes?

  it unlocks a whole new world of possibilities for us. It unlocks better health, better relationships, more financial freedom, better opportunities, better relationships with friends, whatever it might be that we want. Shifting our identity creates better opportunities. So for me, I want people to get the book, Redesigning You by Kim Foster. There's a lot of great content in here, a lot of great mindset strategies, information and tools that will support you in shifting out of the things that block you into the things that help you create breakthroughs. So I'm very excited about you having this book. And people can check out your YouTube channel. You've got a lot more great content there.

• 58:47Lewis Howes?

  Before I ask the final couple of questions, I want to acknowledge you, Kim, for taking that leap because that's not easy to do. And for, you know, where a lot of people might have criticized you for leaving, I want to acknowledge you for leaving because you were stepping into who you believed you were meant to be. And you stepped into, not that you weren't helping a lot of people as a doctor, but now you're able to help more people with what you love in a new level, in a new identity. And I think it's a beautiful testimony to what's possible for people. So I want to acknowledge you for being on this journey, for constantly evolving and helping people, even though it's not what your 17-year-old self set out to do.

• 59:29Lewis Howes?

  I think it's what she truly wanted to be, which is how you can serve the maximum number of people. And your videos and your coaching and your book are able to reach more people at a time rather than you one-on-one. And so there's no right or wrong, but I feel like that's truly what your heart desired and you're doing it. So I acknowledge you for that.

• 59:48Speaker 01

  Thank you so much for that, Lewis. I really appreciate that.

• 59:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's inspiring to see. And I can't wait to see more of your stuff online. Um, this is a question called the three truths. I ask it towards the end. Imagine you get to live as long as you want, uh, and create whatever you want, but it's the last day for you and you have to take all of your work with you. The book, your content is all gone from this world. And you only get to leave behind three final lessons to the world. That's all we would have of your content. What would those three truths be for you?

• 1:00:16Speaker 01

  Truth number one is that you're not fixed. I think that we really underestimate how much we can actually change and evolve over the course of a lifetime. And yes, your history absolutely influences you, but it doesn't dictate what's possible for you. And I like to say your past is not your prophecy. So that's truth number one. And then, uh, truth number two is don't confuse who you had to become with who you have to remain. So like the story that I was telling you about the survivor in me. So I had to become the survivor to get through what I was doing. Um, and that I'm very grateful for that identity. It wasn't a bad identity.

• 1:01:01Speaker 01

  It helped me achieve things and get through. And, but I don't have to remain that. That doesn't have to be what I stay doing forever. You are allowed to evolve beyond something that once served you beautifully. And then number three is your life is happening right now. Because I think that, um, it's really easy to spend, I know I spent a lot of time preparing for the next thing. Once I achieve this, once the kids get older, once I get more clarity. And it's a bit of a, it can be a trap for people who are ambitious to spend so much of their energy and time

• 1:01:44Speaker 01

  building the future, but forget to inhabit the life that you're in right now. So, you know, take the trip, take the risk, be here for it.

• 1:01:54Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful. And final question for you, Kim, what's your definition of greatness?

• 1:01:59Speaker 01

  So my definition of greatness has actually changed quite a bit, uh, over the years. And I think that my younger self would have said that greatness is a lot about excellence. So discovering what you're capable of and then proving it and achieving really hard things and becoming exceptional at something that is ideally measurable and visible to other people. And, uh, but now I think that just greatness is much more about discernment. So meaning becoming really deeply discerning about what deserves your life.

• 1:02:39Speaker 01

  Because, just because you're capable of doing something, doesn't mean that you are obligated to do it. And of course, that's my story too. And, but I think that it's really important getting clear on what actually deserves your effort and your precious life and the years that you have. And then going all in on that, like giving yourself fully to that, becoming discerning and giving yourself fully to that.

• 1:03:05Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful. Kim, thank you so much for being here. Appreciate it.

• 1:03:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was my pleasure. It was a great conversation.

• 1:03:11Lewis Howes?

  My friend, I hope you're enjoying this episode right now because we are on a mission to impact 100 million lives every single week. And every follow here on this podcast helps us reach more people. Make sure to hit the follow at the top of this show's page right now. It's the single biggest thing that you can do to support the show and the impact of us reaching you every single time we have new episodes. I appreciate you and I can't wait to see you in the next episode. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally,

• 1:03:55Lewis Howes?

  as well as ad-free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you, if no one has told you lately, that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.