80 How to Influence and Inspire People by Mastering the Personality Matrix with Chris Lee

"Once you style flex, then you can others into your vision." - Chris Lee Chris Lee is back for his third visit to the School of Greatness to teach all the Greats about the personality matrix and how we can use it to maximize the value in every relationship. Are you a Supporter, Analyzer, Promoter or Controller? Come tell us on the blog: www.lewishowes.com/80 Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 80 with Chris Lee.

• 0:07Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:33Lewis Howes?

  Thanks so much for tuning in today, guys. I am super pumped because I have got a special guest on today. And his name is Chris Lee. That's right. You guys have been requesting him to come back. You said that his two episodes have been two of the most powerful, inspiring, moving episodes that you've listened to on the School of Greatness podcast. So since you requested it, I'm going to make sure that I listen and deliver on your request. So hopefully you guys enjoy this episode. Make sure to share it out there on social media, on Facebook, on Twitter. Post it everywhere because this is going to be the most powerful episode that he has of his three so far, in my opinion.

• 1:14Lewis Howes?

  And we just had this thing recorded. It is awesome. It's off the charts. If you can master what Chris is going to be talking about in this next 50 to 60 minutes, then you're going to be able to take your business, your relationships in your life to a whole new level. I'm not kidding on this one. This is some of the most powerful information that I've learned over the years. And when Chris taught me this on a deeper level, I really, it really made sense on why I was able to do what I was doing in the relationships that I had. And this is all about how to influence anyone. How to influence and inspire anyone to move into any type of action?

• 1:57Lewis Howes?

  Now, if you can get people to move into action, whether it be in your business and relationships, whatever it may be, obviously in a moral and ethical way, then you're going to be able to get the results that you're looking for on everything. Again, if you can move people into action, if you can get them to move forward on whatever you are requesting, if you're looking to get more sales, if you're looking to find a wife or a husband, right? If you can, if you can connect with people on their level and move them to action, you're going to be able to achieve anything you want. Okay, guys, this is extremely powerful. And it's all about understanding the four different personality types

• 2:38Lewis Howes?

  that are out there in the world. Yes, there's four main personality types. And Chris is going to be covering what those personality types are, how you can see the cues of what people have and how you can instantly connect with them on their level with which personality type they are. Now, this is again, some powerful information. You want to use this wisely and you want to use it from your heart. So you want to connect with people with your heart and understand where they're coming from and connect with them on their level. Very powerful. So I'm going to basically just let Chris take it away. I'm going to introduce him here in a second when I bring him on. But this again is powerful information.

• 3:23Lewis Howes?

  I want you guys to share this online on social media with your friends because this is one of my favorite episodes to date. And I think you're going to see why here in just a few moments. So let's go ahead and dive in with the one and only Chris Lee.

• 3:51Lewis Howes?

  What is up everyone? Thanks again for joining me on the School of Greatness Podcast. And you've got a special treat today because we've got my good friend, my brother from another mother, Chris Lee, back on the show for the third time, the only person on the show for the third time. Very excited. He's here in my studio. I'm in Santa Monica for the summer. So he is in a new space, but we're very excited about this one. And he's been the most popular guest. He has the most views of the two shows of anyone else. Lots of people are constantly tweeting and sharing his, his message. Every day I feel like I get someone saying something about one of the podcasts.

• 4:33Chris Lee?

  Every day I get something.

• 4:35Lewis Howes?

  And the last two episodes that we did with him was number 36. It was about how to envision and achieve your dreams. Very powerful episode. If you haven't listened to that, make sure to go listen to it. There's a really cool guided meditation that he walks us through. And then the most recent one was number 54. I'll have these both linked up in the show notes on the 10 principles of abundance and prosperity, which is, I think more people listen to that one, I think, or it's about close, right?

• 5:03Chris Lee?

  Very close.

• 5:04Lewis Howes?

  But again, lots of people love them both. And people have been saying, when are you gonna get Chris back on? We want more of Chris.

• 5:09Chris Lee?

  And the la- and that last one is, is actually becoming a book.

• 5:13Lewis Howes?

  Yes, turning into a book. It's become so popular. So he's working on that right now. So very cool. And so everyone's like, when is Chris coming back on? And I was like, well, let's get him on soon. So he's back here teaching some workshops, some leadership workshops. So we got him in. He's a busy guy, but we're pumped to have him on. And this is one that we talked about. I went to Puerto Rico and visited Chris a few months back. And we were like, what's the next one gonna be about? And this is one that's probably It's probably gonna be the biggest episode so far, in my opinion, because it's all about understanding people and relationships. And the key to success, there's lots of keys to being successful. You've got to have hard work, dedication, commitment, you've got to be able to hustle to get what you want, lots of different things. You've got to master your craft. But

• 5:56Lewis Howes?

  really, the key to success, that's probably the biggest key, is understanding and relating to the different types of people out there. And there's lots of different type of people with different personalities, different backgrounds. And if you only approach every person one way, then you're only going to be able to connect with a certain type of person. But if you can learn to flex your personality, your communication, and connect in different ways, and meet someone where they're at, as opposed to where you're at, that's really the key to being successful, I would say. And that's what Chris is here to talk about, which is understanding people. And he's a success coach, he's a life coach, he's a business coach. He teaches people how

• 6:39Lewis Howes?

  to get to the next level on all areas of his lives, other lives. And it comes down to being, understanding relationships. And that's something he's been practicing and coaching and teaching for 27 years. It's understanding the emotions of people, why people do things, say things, act a certain way that they do. And again, when you can tap into that understanding, that psychology behind every individual out there, the sky's the limit of what you can create. Again, you want to be authentic and have morals and ethics when you're connecting with people. So it's not about trying to manipulate anyone by understanding where they come from and why they act the way they are. But it's understanding, it's really building

• 7:20Lewis Howes?

  a win-win with every relationship. So I'm very excited about this one. I want you to make sure you get out a pen and paper for this. If you're driving, obviously, don't do that. But if you're sitting down somewhere, take out a pen and paper, because there's going to be some great notes that you're going to take on this one. And let's go ahead and jump right in it. So. Chris, thanks again for being here. I'm excited.

• 7:41Chris Lee?

  I'm very excited to be here.

• 7:42Lewis Howes?

  We just took a stroll down Santa Monica Beach and watched a bunch of people work out while we had a coffee. But I'm very excited about this and let's go ahead and dive into it. There's really four different types. Well, first off, talk about why it's so important to understand, to build relationships and understand people. And then we'll get into the types of people and personalities that are out there.

• 8:02Chris Lee?

  Okay, so first of all, I want to say hello to everybody that's listening. It's really wonderful to connect with your audience. That I feel now is part of my audience.

• 8:10Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 8:11Chris Lee?

  And I've had the opportunity, the privilege to get a lot of messages on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram. Just people giving me feedback about how the podcast has impacted their life. And that's why we do this. We do this so that people could have tools to have a successful life, a more impactful life. And one of the things that I find is important and that you've been mentioning earlier is the ability to create relationship with other people. And if you look at people that are successful and people that impact others and people that move other people.

• 8:52Chris Lee?

  They all have one thing in common and the thing they have in common is their ability to reach people's heart and the ability to move people. And to me, part of emotional intelligence is knowing myself, knowing my strengths, knowing my weaknesses, but also knowing my audience, knowing my client, knowing my employees, knowing the people that I'm sending a message to and being able to identify what are their needs, what are their strengths, what are their weaknesses? And by identifying what people need, we end up speaking the same language.

• 9:31Chris Lee?

  And so a lot of people have a breakdown because their message is one language and people are listening through another filter. And so they're hearing a different language. And it's like we're both speaking English or whatever the language is, but it's just people here in a different way and process in a different way. And this tool that we're going to bring forward right now in this podcast, I'm very excited because it's something that's helped me be able to impact the maximum number of people. Like you said earlier, if I only, you know, the only tool, like an example, the only tool you have in life is a hammer, everything will start showing up like a nail.

• 10:08Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 10:08Chris Lee?

  And you know that there are a lot of things that, a lot of tools necessary to create what we want to create. And so this tool is going to help people, assist people in reading other people and knowing where they're at. And also knowing what they need to access. So it's not about being fake. It's about shifting your way and your approach to reach people.

• 10:31Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah. Cause if you're, if you're, you know, it's not, everything's not a nail. You know, you need a screwdriver for a screw. If you try to nail a screwdriver and it's going to look all nasty and it's not going to work. Just like a relationship won't work if you're treating each relationship as the same. So you need to be able to adjust or take a different tool out to put it in its place.

• 10:50Chris Lee?

  And you can have a hundred people listening to you, but you have to speak to a hun- to different listenings.

• 10:56Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 10:56Chris Lee?

  And each person has a personality and a style. And so this, what I'm bringing in this is called the personality matrix, which comes from studies that have been done on different styles of personalities. And obviously there's thousands of styles of personalities, but there's a general consensus that there are four personality types. And what's cool about this podcast is as I describe each personality type, you're going to be able to identify, okay, that's me.

• 11:26Lewis Howes?

  Or that's my boyfriend.

• 11:27Chris Lee?

  Or that's my boyfriend or my boss or my employee. And so what's great is you'll be able to speak their language.

• 11:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 11:33Chris Lee?

  And it's also every personality type has a strength and a weakness. So it's also a good tool so that you could identify, okay, that's my personality type. That is definitely my strength and then my weakness is I need to develop that.

• 11:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 11:47Chris Lee?

  So learning my personality type, then I could identify my strength and my weakness. And I could develop my weaknesses and continue with my strengths. But it also allows me to identify other people and speak their language, therefore creating success.

• 12:06Lewis Howes?

  And if anyone, you know, we have lots of entrepreneurs and business owners on here. And this is extremely valuable for, for you specifically because your audience, you're going to want to speak your audience language or your potential customers' language. And if you're just speaking your language, then you're going to attract the same people back to you. But if you want to reach a broader audience, you've got to start speaking a language. How about everyone?

• 12:26Chris Lee?

  And ideally, a leader is, has access to all four personality types.

• 12:33Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 12:33Chris Lee?

  So if I have, if I know that my audience is one personality type mostly, that I get to speak in a way that they understand.

• 12:41Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 12:42Chris Lee?

  And then bring them the message.

• 12:43Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 12:44Chris Lee?

  Because everybody listens in a different way.

• 12:45Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 12:46Chris Lee?

  And it just allows me to be more effective.

• 12:49Lewis Howes?

  Okay, cool. So let's uh, let's go into it. What are the, what are the four personality types?

• 12:55Chris Lee?

  Okay, so let's, let's talk, let's talk one by one because each one is complex. So the first uh, personality style, and by the way, you may, as you listen to this, you may feel that you fit into one. It's possible you fit into two. It's possible that you have, you know, a little more of one than the other, a little less of the other than this one. And also, it's, it could also be depending on the circumstance. For example, I could be a personality type in bed.

• 13:23Lewis Howes?

  Ah, right.

• 13:24Chris Lee?

  Or I could be a personality type at work.

• 13:26Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 13:26Chris Lee?

  Or I could be a different personality type socially. So, but there's generally a home base.

• 13:33Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 13:34Chris Lee?

  Okay, so the first personality type I want to talk about is the controller.

• 13:41Lewis Howes?

  What's the controller?

• 13:41Chris Lee?

  The controller is the person that always wants to be right. The controller is the person that likes to be in control of himself. So he's in control, but he wants to be in control of everyone around him.

• 13:54Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, so can you give me some examples of that?

• 13:56Chris Lee?

  Yeah, it's somebody that uh, likes to be the source of all the ideas. So even if it's your idea, they thought of it.

• 14:03Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 14:05Chris Lee?

  A controller is somebody that is, they're usually a leader. They're very powerful. They're powerful with their conviction. They got a lot of confidence. And they think they could get it done better than anybody else. So a controller, the gift of a controller is that they make things happen. These are the movers, the shakers, the people that do whatever it takes. And the gift of the controller is that a controller is confident, a controller is a leader, they take initiative.

• 14:33Lewis Howes?

  Make decisions.

• 14:34Chris Lee?

  They make decisions. They're all about the result.

• 14:38Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 14:39Chris Lee?

  Now.

• 14:39Lewis Howes?

  Goal oriented.

• 14:40Chris Lee?

  Completely goal oriented, results oriented.

• 14:43Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 14:44Chris Lee?

  So the downside of a controller is that they appear insensitive. They appear mean.

• 14:51Chris Lee?

  They don't listen. They like to be right. Therefore, everyone around them is wrong.

• 14:57Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 14:58Chris Lee?

  Ring a bell, people?

• 15:01Chris Lee?

  So it's that boss that won't listen to feedback, won't listen to ideas.

• 15:06Lewis Howes?

  Can't take criticism.

• 15:07Chris Lee?

  Doesn't take criticism. It's that person that likes to be right.

• 15:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 15:11Chris Lee?

  And they don't listen. As a matter of fact, before, they'll ask a question, but they'll answer it.

• 15:17Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 15:18Chris Lee?

  So that's the person that is inflexible. So if they have a plan, they go to dinner, and they want to go to Chinese food, that's it. It's Chinese food, period. You want to go with them, it's gotta be Chinese.

• 15:29Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 15:29Chris Lee?

  If you say it's, you know, I want to eat Thai food, forget it. You're eating alone.

• 15:35Chris Lee?

  And a controller is, the good news about a controller is that they make things happen. They're powerful. They make, you know, take initiative, and they usually have results.

• 15:46Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 15:47Chris Lee?

  The downside is the biggest cost or the biggest price is relationships.

• 15:53Chris Lee?

  Because who wants to be around somebody who doesn't listen and who's always right? And so if you're a controller and if you identify with that, well, obviously you need to work on your social skills, your relationship skills, your listening skills, et cetera, et cetera. And as I described some of the other personality types, you'll know what you'll need to work on as well. So if you have a controller and you're addressing a controller in terms of managing them, or you want to convince them to do something, you need to speak their language.

• 16:29Lewis Howes?

  So if someone's always right, say you're trying to sell me something, or you're trying to get me to do something that maybe I'm not convinced on doing or buying yet. And you want to speak my language, say I'm the controller, and I like it my way, a certain way, like I have something in my mind that it's gotta be that way. How would you speak to me to convert me into buying or, you know, coming along a trip?

• 16:53Chris Lee?

  Or investing in your company?

• 16:55Lewis Howes?

  Whatever.

• 16:56Chris Lee?

  Yeah, so first of all, I gotta be confident. If I show up wishy-washy, or wimpy, or unsure, it's over.

• 17:04Lewis Howes?

  Then it's not, he's not gonna trust you. He or she is not gonna trust you.

• 17:06Chris Lee?

  Cause, you know, he's gonna look at you like you're full of it.

• 17:09Lewis Howes?

  And he knows more than you, and he's right.

• 17:11Chris Lee?

  He always knows more than you. So you gotta be confident, you gotta be clear, you gotta show up. Dressed in a formal way, because controllers are formal. They're formal and they're dress and they're dominant. So they're dominant and they're formal. So you gotta show up formal and you gotta show up in a not necessarily over domineering, but you gotta show up that you're powerful too. So you gotta match their energy. So mirroring them. Yeah, you gotta match their energy. And to convince a controller, you gotta make everything their idea.

• 17:47Chris Lee?

  So you gotta turn the thing into, well, you know, you need to agree with them. And as you're agreeing, you're inputting, you're inputting whatever it is you want them to do. Like, once you have their trust, once you have their attention, then you could convey your message. It's almost stroke their ego in a sense. Stroke their ego, but Without being, stroking it, but you know. Yeah, yeah. No, you, you need, you need to connect with them at their level. Yeah. You know, powerful people like to be around powerful people. Right. And they're, they're not gonna put money into someone that shows up wimpy. Right. Or not sure or unclear. Right. So a controller, someone who's dominant and, and somebody who is formal.

• 18:31Chris Lee?

  So you gotta present them in a dominant and formal way. The complete opposite of a controller is the person who's a supporter. And a supporter is somebody who, they're not so concerned about the result. They're more concerned about the feelings. And so they're about feelings, they're about love and acknowledgement and self-worth and respect. And the supporter, the positive thing about a supporter is that they're loving and they're caring. They're the nurturers. Yeah. They're the caretakers. They're the people that will give the shirt off their back for other people.

• 19:16Chris Lee?

  They put other people first. They're always focusing on your needs. Giving, giving, giving. Givers, total givers. Yeah. The downside of a supporter is that they show up like a doormat. People take advantage of them. People walk all over them. They don't stand up for themselves. They don't stand up for themselves. Their voice doesn't count. And so if you have somebody in your life that's a supporter and you try to dominate them. Then they're just gonna shrink.

• 19:41Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 19:41Chris Lee?

  They're gonna go into their, into their cave and they're not gonna come out.

• 19:45Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 19:46Chris Lee?

  They're gonna shut down. They're gonna feel abused by you.

• 19:49Lewis Howes?

  Cheers.

• 19:50Chris Lee?

  And so if you're, if you're a controller and you're in a relationship with a supporter, you gotta access love and care and stroke their heart.

• 20:00Lewis Howes?

  Connection and yeah.

• 20:02Chris Lee?

  They, they respond to acknowledgement. They respond to love. They respond to great job. I'm proud of you. Thank you. That you will inspire a supporter that way and they'll be loyal for life.

• 20:16Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 20:17Chris Lee?

  So if you're a supporter, you gotta work on your voice and your courage and your self-confidence. And you gotta step up.

• 20:23Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 20:24Chris Lee?

  And if you're a supporter that needs to motivate a controller, then you gotta own your power. You gotta show up confident. You gotta speak up. You can't, you know, you can't, if you're a supporter, you can't. One of the things that I talked about is how we put ourselves in a box. And we say, well, that's just kinda how I am. And so the, the idea of these quadrants is not to put yourself in a box. The idea of these quadrants is to identify where you are and to shift. And we, we have the ability to shift. What does shift mean? It means moving from one space to the other. And if you learn these quadrants and you learn to navigate through these quadrants, you could access the positive gifts of each quadrant, therefore becoming successful.

• 21:06Lewis Howes?

  Right. And the greatest leaders probably have access to, they're probably a little bit of it. They probably have one or two dominant, but then they can always access the other two at any time.

• 21:13Chris Lee?

  Absolutely. I mean, I'll talk about me, you know, where I operated from before and, and because of this work, what I do now.

• 21:19Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 21:20Chris Lee?

  So being a supporter, that they're feeling oriented. The questions that supporters ask is why? You know, and you know, why is this happening? And you know, and they're easygoing. They're informal. So their, their way of being is casual, easygoing, informal. They, they go with the flow. So if the controller goes, we're eating Chinese or the supporter hates Chinese food. Oh, I'll find something I like. It doesn't matter.

• 21:51Lewis Howes?

  Very flexible.

• 21:52Chris Lee?

  Super flexible. You know, a supporter, the gift of the supporters, they're the heart.

• 21:57Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 21:57Chris Lee?

  Of every organization. And They're like the best customer support. Totally supportive. Uh, they're, they're great encouraging teams and they're peacemakers. They're always, they avoid conflict. Yeah. Controllers love conflict. They're like, let's confront this now. And see who's right. Right. And so a supporter needs to, you know, shift their way of being. So that's the second quadrant, I would say in terms of. So we've got the controller, supporter. Yeah, the controller and you have the supporter. Which are opposites. Yeah, they're opposites. One is, uh, results oriented. The other is feelings oriented. Okay.

• 22:37Chris Lee?

  One is about, okay, what are we creating? And then the supporter is why, which is a non-confrontational question. Right. And a non-produce, non-rewards producing question. Right. They're like, why is this happening? Okay. So then we go to the other two quadrants and the other quadrant is the promoter.

• 22:59Chris Lee?

  And the promoter is the passionate life of the party. They're outrageous. You know, they're all about relationships. You know, if you invite them to the party, they're not going to ask, why are you inviting me or what's going to happen? They want to know who's there. Right. Who's at the party? And if I like them, I'm there. And if it's fun, I'm in. Yeah. So, uh, promoters are all about being the center of attention. They want to shine and shine bright like a diamond. You know, you know, they, they want people to remember their name. Yeah. And, you know, the, the, the gift of the promoters, that the, a promoter is outrageous and passionate and energetic and talkative.

• 23:43Chris Lee?

  You can imagine what quadrant I fall into.

• 23:47Chris Lee?

  I love, you know, being outrageous and passionate and communicative. Expressive and. I love being in relationships. I like doing things with groups of people and that's my home base. Like speaking in front of audiences. I love it. You could put me in front of 2,000 people and I'm feeling it. Yeah. And meanwhile, you know, somebody who's the opposite quadrant, you put them in front of 2,000 people and they freeze.

• 24:11Chris Lee?

  So a promoter is relationship driven. A promoter is all about fun and energy. And that's the gift of a promoter. And so if you want to inspire a promoter, you can't be boring or cold or.

• 24:24Lewis Howes?

  It's gotta be exciting.

• 24:25Chris Lee?

  You can't be too soft. You gotta show up exciting. If you're gonna sell your idea to a promoter or you want a promoter invest his money, his millions of dollars in your business. You gotta make it exciting, gotta make it passionate.

• 24:38Lewis Howes?

  The next big thing.

• 24:39Chris Lee?

  Yeah, this is it. This is it.

• 24:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 24:42Chris Lee?

  And, uh, you know, you can't control him and you can't just be wimpy with him either. Because a promoter is actually dominant with their energy. They're very dominant. They're like, you know, they love their ideas. And at the same time, they're easygoing. So they're casual in terms of their approach at life. They're pretty casual. You could see them in a suit. You could see them in flip flops. You know, a lot of, a lot of directors are that way. And you've seen these directors, Hollywood directors that make millions of dollars and they look homeless. You know, they're promoters. They're like full of energy. And so a promoter has a lot of energy and the gift of the promoter is the communication, the ability to communicate. Their ability to express, their ability to make people feel good.

• 25:27Chris Lee?

  The downside is that they have so many ideas, they don't finish any.

• 25:32Lewis Howes?

  The lack of focus maybe or the.

• 25:34Chris Lee?

  They suffer from A D D D D H D.

• 25:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 25:38Chris Lee?

  Permanently.

• 25:39Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 25:40Chris Lee?

  Like when the next shiny object comes up, they're gone.

• 25:42Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 25:44Chris Lee?

  So I'm sure a lot of you can relate to that. All of the promoters like, that's me. And of course, me is one of their favorite words, you know? So promoter, you know, if you want to inspire a promoter, you gotta be passionate. You gotta show up alive. You gotta show up with, with energy. And if you want to coach a promoter, you gotta coach them on how to create specific goals and stick to them. Because one of the downsides of promoters is that they break their word. They're so, they say yes to everything.

• 26:10Lewis Howes?

  So they have to break somewhere.

• 26:11Chris Lee?

  Yeah.

• 26:12Lewis Howes?

  They probably feel overwhelmed at some point.

• 26:14Chris Lee?

  Exactly. Completely overwhelmed.

• 26:16Lewis Howes?

  I just agreed to everything and I.

• 26:18Chris Lee?

  Right. And people get mad at them.

• 26:20Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 26:20Chris Lee?

  And they also show up, since they're so energetic and passionate, they also can show up inauthentic. They could show up like phony, like actors, actresses. There are a lot of people in acting that are promoters.

• 26:30Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 26:30Chris Lee?

  You know, great energy, you know, and but little follow through.

• 26:35Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 26:35Chris Lee?

  And of course, the opposite of the promoter is the analyzer. The analyzer is somebody who is formal in their way of being, like very strict and structured.

• 26:51Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 26:52Chris Lee?

  You know, but they're easygoing in the sense of that they don't really push through their ideas.

• 27:00Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 27:01Chris Lee?

  So they could be, they could ponder on something for a long time.

• 27:05Lewis Howes?

  Before they make a decision.

• 27:06Chris Lee?

  Absolutely.

• 27:07Lewis Howes?

  Buying a home could take five years.

• 27:09Chris Lee?

  Exactly.

• 27:10Lewis Howes?

  Looking at a hundred homes and analyzing every square footage.

• 27:13Chris Lee?

  Like they'll take a contract and they will dissect it, decipher it, they'll talk to 10 lawyers and then they'll sign.

• 27:20Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 27:21Chris Lee?

  So an analyzer, the gift of the analyzer is detail, structure, organization. Notice this what promoters don't have. Uh, their detail, structured, organize, analyzers are their word. So they say they're gonna do something, take it to the bank.

• 27:37Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 27:38Chris Lee?

  But before they give their word.

• 27:40Lewis Howes?

  They're gonna think about it forever.

• 27:41Chris Lee?

  Think about it forever. A promoter gives their word and thinks later.

• 27:45Lewis Howes?

  Right. And says, sorry later.

• 27:46Chris Lee?

  And go, oh, I, sorry, I, I thought I, I could make it. So an analyzer, what's great about an analyzer is they're great with numbers, they're great with computers, they're great with structure, organization.

• 27:57Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 27:58Chris Lee?

  Detail oriented. The downside of the analyzer is.

• 28:01Lewis Howes?

  Run a company well, they can run the structure.

• 28:03Chris Lee?

  Absolutely.

• 28:04Lewis Howes?

  Have the spreadsheets.

• 28:06Chris Lee?

  Oh my God, down to a T.

• 28:07Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 28:08Chris Lee?

  And then the downside is they lack passion, they lack spontaneity. Sometimes you'd put a, you know, a mirror underneath their nose to see if they're breathing. Cause a lot of times they show up dead.

• 28:20Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 28:20Chris Lee?

  There's just no expression.

• 28:21Lewis Howes?

  No life.

• 28:22Chris Lee?

  It's like from the neck down, not connected.

• 28:24Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 28:25Chris Lee?

  I'm talking about severe case, obviously.

• 28:27Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 28:27Chris Lee?

  So the gift of the analyzer, of course, is that they are disciplined, they're organized, they're structured. They could set up systems and they could, you know, decipher problems and problem solving. The downside is by the time they get to it, someone else thought of it.

• 28:44Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 28:45Chris Lee?

  And did it.

• 28:46Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 28:47Chris Lee?

  So if you have, so if you have an analyzing client, you need to make sure you got the information. Because not having your information clear is like being caught with your pants down.

• 28:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 28:59Chris Lee?

  It's like, uh, got busted. So you gotta have the facts, the details. If you're selling an analyzer or a car, you gotta have every single detail about that car. You gotta know your, your product. You gotta know what you're communicating. Same thing if you have, you know, an employee that's an analyzer, you gotta explain them all the details so that he can finally feel confident. And obviously coach him on being passionate and coach him on being spontaneous.

• 29:23Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 29:24Chris Lee?

  So.

• 29:25Lewis Howes?

  So to give, so to give an example of that, let's say you're selling a car. If you're selling it to a promoter, you would say like, this is the fastest car on the road and you're gonna have the best time. You're gonna, you know, it's gonna be the talk of the town, the way it looks.

• 29:37Chris Lee?

  You're gonna look good in it. You're gonna look amazing in it.

• 29:41Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, you're gonna feel good.

• 29:43Chris Lee?

  People are gonna wanna ride the car with you. You're gonna feel confident. You're gonna be a superstar.

• 29:49Lewis Howes?

  Right. And if you're selling to an analyzer, you're saying.

• 29:51Chris Lee?

  You're gonna get, you know, X amount of, you know, miles per gallon and the warranty is amazing and the structure of it. And look, it's got lithium and it's got this and it's got unbelievable.

• 30:04Lewis Howes?

  Six cup holders.

• 30:05Chris Lee?

  Steel. Yeah, exactly. And then the air conditioner has all these modules and, you know, they wanna know all the details of the car. And, and, and how they're, how, how much money they're gonna put down and how much they're gonna save and how being with you, they're saving money and all the details.

• 30:22Lewis Howes?

  And if it's a supporter.

• 30:23Chris Lee?

  And if it's a supporter.

• 30:24Lewis Howes?

  Very safe for your family.

• 30:26Chris Lee?

  You're gonna be safe and you're gonna be able to carry your entire family with you in this minivan, cause they all have minivans.

• 30:33Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 30:33Chris Lee?

  Cause they want everybody in it.

• 30:34Lewis Howes?

  Lots of space.

• 30:35Chris Lee?

  Yeah, lots of space.

• 30:37Lewis Howes?

  Groceries, the dog, that, yeah.

• 30:39Chris Lee?

  Yeah, you're gonna be able to carry people's luggage and help people.

• 30:43Lewis Howes?

  Take people to the airport.

• 30:44Chris Lee?

  Carpool.

• 30:46Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 30:47Chris Lee?

  So, I mean, yeah. And, and if it's a controller, they gotta feel that how it, that it's never gonna break down. So you're gonna be able to get, it's reliable. You're gonna be able to get to work on time and you won't miss days of work.

• 30:58Lewis Howes?

  Efficient, it's, yeah.

• 30:59Chris Lee?

  Interesting. And if you're a controller and you have a supporter, you need to shift because a controller- If you are a controller selling- No, no, if you're, I'm a controller and I'm selling to a supporter- Yup, yup. I can't dominate my way through that conversation. You gotta become nurturing- I gotta be soft and access feelings which controllers hate. It's like icky, mushy, so you gotta be nice and soft and loving and caring. And the same thing in a relationship, let's take it home. So you're a controller, your wife's a supporter. If you try to dominate your wife, she's gonna feel, before you know it, resentful and she'll leave you. Yeah, unloved. You know, unloved or she'll feel like a doormat.

• 31:44Chris Lee?

  So if you're a controller and that's your style, you gotta be loving and supportive and access that and develop that. If you're a controller and you have a analyzing wife, you gotta be, you gotta slow it down, you gotta give her the space or give him the space to come up with his, his own conclusions. Yeah. And you gotta, you gotta be very clear in your communication about the plan, like you're going on vacation. It can't be, you can't wing it because they won't feel safe. Right. Promoters wing it. Right. You know, if you're a controller and you've got a promoter, you gotta access the passion. So each quadrant has its pros and its cons. And I think it's important for each one of you that are listening to identify, okay, which is my home base?

• 32:29Chris Lee?

  What is my strength? What is my weakness? And by knowing your strength, you know what you could count on. And by identifying your weaknesses, you could develop it. Sure. And then you could do what's called style flexing. Hmm. And style flexing is reading and identifying your audience. Whether it's relationship, business, whether it's community, whatever it is, look at your audience and see what's wanted and needed. Hmm. And by shifting, so let's say I'm a supporter and I've got a controlling audience, I gotta up the power. Sure. Or if I'm an analyzer, I have a promoting audience, I gotta access passion, which to me is foreign.

• 33:15Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 33:15Chris Lee?

  So I got scary. It's like, you know, your belief systems are going off. And so when you hold yourself in a box, well, no, it's just that's how I am. I'm an analyzer and I've always been that way. Well, that's being a victim of whatever your comfort zone is because we all have our comfort zones.

• 33:32Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 33:32Chris Lee?

  And we all have our home base.

• 33:34Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Interesting. Now, how does someone determine what they're like, well, I'm a little bit of all that, or I'm not really sure which one I am. How do they determine what they are? Is there like a formal test they can take? Is there something to determine they're dominant?

• 33:49Chris Lee?

  Well, I think that in the description, as you're listening to the description, you'll know what rings. You ring, you know what rings true.

• 33:56Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 33:56Chris Lee?

  You know, if you know, if you show up like a controller and you like to be a control, you like to have results and you kind of sometimes bypass people's feelings. And you know, if you're all about putting everybody first and you're all about feelings and you're a supporter and you know that if you analyze everything to death and you suffer sometimes from analysis paralysis. Okay. And you also know if you're this spontaneous burst of energy.

• 34:20Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 34:21Chris Lee?

  You know, you're, you're a flying unicorn in the air.

• 34:25Chris Lee?

  And so, and so I, I'm answering your question. I want to say that there's also different moments. For example, maybe at home, I'm a supporter and at work, I'm a controller. Maybe in my community, I'm a analyzer or in public, I'm one way. So there's different roles that we play and they fall into that.

• 34:49Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 34:49Chris Lee?

  And so it depends on the situation. Some people are the same everywhere. Some people shift. Some people have needed to develop a certain part that they weren't before. For example, maybe you've been a supporter your whole life, but now you run a Fortune 500 company and you need to access controller. And you learned through the school of our knocks that you had a, you got, you had to up, up the velocity in terms of who you're showing up as.

• 35:14Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 35:15Chris Lee?

  And also. There are people that have a little bit of two quadrants or three quadrants. For example, myself, when I was younger, I was promoter with promoter. You know, there was not an ounce of anything else in me. I was just all about having fun. Right. And I didn't care. You know, I was late to everything. I didn't care what people thought. I didn't care about my appearance. You know, I was like casual, but I was always about having fun, having a good time, and if it wasn't fun, I wouldn't do it. And the problem with that is that my feelings absolutely controlled me. So when I was having fun, I was feeling it, I would do it. And when I didn't feel it, I quit. So of course, I was Mr. Start Everything, Never Finish. Uh huh. Okay, so I was a total promoter.

• 36:00Chris Lee?

  As I developed myself in, in the transformational journey I've been on, since I started doing these workshops that you've also done, I have learned to take the best of that, which is the energy and the passion. And I've developed a more responsible, detail-oriented, focused person in me, which is the analyzer. Right. And so in different moments of my life, I access different things. But if you were to ask me right now, what's my home base? I'd say promoter with controller because of my business. Yeah. I have to be in charge. I gotta be, I gotta, I gotta take the lead. And so I'm a little bit of promoter with controller. Yeah. And there are people that feel that they're controller with analyzer.

• 36:46Chris Lee?

  And there's people that are analyzer with controller. Or maybe you feel that you're a supporter with promoter. Hmm. But it's very rare that you're a controller with supporter. Right. Yeah. As a home base. Doesn't mean that you're not that way in different areas. Sure. So, so as, as you identify the quadrant, then you're able to move people and to make an impact. Yeah. So just ask yourself, you know, of the four quadrants, which is the one that you find is most you? So I want to just ask you directly, Lewis. Yeah. What of all that I've described, which one do you feel like it's your home base? Doesn't mean you don't access all the other ones because I know you do. I've seen you.

• 37:31Chris Lee?

  You access all of it. It's definitely promoter. I'd say promoter, controller. Okay, so promoter, meaning that you have a lot of energy, a lot of passion, you want to do a million things.

• 37:41Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and I'm a marketer, like by nature, my business, it's like promoting my business, my events, getting the word out there.

• 37:48Chris Lee?

  What's the downside that you've had to work through?

• 37:50Lewis Howes?

  Definitely like feeling overwhelmed sometimes because I commit to too many projects. It's like everything is fun and exciting, like a great idea, let's do it all. But I'm like, oh, I'm dropping the ball on a few of these things, or they're not where I want them to be, so I might feel overwhelmed. Or getting the structure in place for each exciting idea. And, you know, tapping into that organized, organized structure, uh, part of me. So sometimes that happens.

• 38:17Chris Lee?

  And which quadrant would you say is the more difficult or the more challenging quadrant for you to relate to, like when you have a group of people like that, it's like, it's stretch?

• 38:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I mean, I would say the most challenging, I feel like I've worked a lot on it and been able to tap into a lot of these, but I'd say the hardest is the analyzer. Just because they're like, an extreme analyzer, it's like, where's the energy? They don't, they don't mirror the passion when I bring it.

• 38:43Chris Lee?

  So you're, you're all passionate and excited and they're, and they're looking at you confused, like you're from Mars.

• 38:48Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. And so I think it's meeting them where they're at, mirroring an analyzer, and...

• 38:54Chris Lee?

  I feel like I'm looking at my mirror, that's my biggest challenge too. I'm a promoter.

• 38:57Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 38:58Chris Lee?

  Promoter, promoter with controller. And the biggest challenge for me is analyzer. And because I use these quadrants...

• 39:04Lewis Howes?

  A supporter is easy, I think. Like, I can be very supportive.

• 39:07Chris Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:08Lewis Howes?

  For you. Yeah, for me, for me.

• 39:09Chris Lee?

  But, but going back to using the quadrants. So because of these quadrants, and I've learned these quadrants, I've been able to slow it down.

• 39:18Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 39:18Chris Lee?

  Be more detail oriented, be more visual.

• 39:21Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 39:21Chris Lee?

  Analyzers are also visual. So promoters are more about, you know, communication and listening and hearing and feeling.

• 39:30Lewis Howes?

  Feelings, yep.

• 39:30Chris Lee?

  Analyzer is more about logic.

• 39:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 39:33Chris Lee?

  So I've been able to develop, you know, more of a structured approach to what I do, so that people could identify to that, and that way I don't lose my, my analyzing people that are in that quadrant.

• 39:45Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 39:46Chris Lee?

  And so the idea of this podcast is that you identify which is your quadrant. And... Develop the quadrants that are challenging for you.

• 39:59Lewis Howes?

  So how would someone develop their non-dominant quadrants? You know, obviously you said first step is really being aware of what you are, I think. So if you're a promoter or a controller or a supporter analyzer, being aware of that. And then how would you start tapping into and practicing the other ones? Like, what are some things you could do, some things you could think about or?

• 40:18Chris Lee?

  So for example, if you're, if you have a hard time being passionate and expressive, then you could start doing things that are passionate. For example, let's say promoters love to dance.

• 40:31Lewis Howes?

  Oh, yes.

• 40:32Chris Lee?

  I know you do.

• 40:33Lewis Howes?

  So do I.

• 40:35Chris Lee?

  It's like dance, I'm in. So for an analyzer, one of the things that I could invite an analyzer to do is to find a place to go dancing.

• 40:42Lewis Howes?

  Oh, that's true.

• 40:44Chris Lee?

  And dance like nobody's watching.

• 40:46Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 40:47Chris Lee?

  And just, you know, give yourself permission, let the music move through you. And as your analyzing brain is saying, I look stupid.

• 40:56Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 40:57Chris Lee?

  Just know that that's a belief that you're making up and you get to challenge it.

• 41:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 41:03Chris Lee?

  Because who cares how you look?

• 41:04Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 41:05Chris Lee?

  It's about accessing passion. An analyzer could practice communicating with passion. An analyzer could be more expressive, can also surround himself with a promoter that could coach him. Because remember, one of the ways that we develop ourselves is finding a mentor.

• 41:24Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 41:25Chris Lee?

  That is doing what we want to do. You know, for example, you want to have a successful business, then you want to surround yourself with people who have successful businesses.

• 41:32Lewis Howes?

  Hire a business coach.

• 41:33Chris Lee?

  Hire a business coach. So an analyzer could access that in terms of, you know, looking for people that are passionate and have that skill.

• 41:43Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 41:44Chris Lee?

  And that ability. And the same thing with promoter, how could a promoter develop his organizational skills by finding somebody who's organized?

• 41:50Lewis Howes?

  It's like, it's sometimes painful for me to be around so many analyzers or to even think about organization, like structuring things and like. Charting it all down, it just something like hurts my brain sometimes.

• 42:03Chris Lee?

  Well, the more practice that you have at that, the easier it becomes. It becomes part of your comfort zone.

• 42:09Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure.

• 42:09Chris Lee?

  So it's a question of practicing.

• 42:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 42:11Chris Lee?

  It's a question of doing the task and having somebody that is already an expert at that, working with you.

• 42:20Lewis Howes?

  That's what I was just gonna say, like, if you're not an analyzer, definitely hire an analyzer in your business to do those things for you. Cause I don't recommend being all those things in your business. I personally recommend focusing on the thing you're great at. Hiring people around you to support the company with the things you're not great at. But obviously, understanding how to tap into.

• 42:39Chris Lee?

  If somebody that's listening can't hire somebody.

• 42:42Lewis Howes?

  True.

• 42:42Chris Lee?

  Then. Yeah, I mean, we can't all just hire people.

• 42:46Lewis Howes?

  That's true.

• 42:47Chris Lee?

  We're not like you. Some of us actually, you know.

• 42:50Lewis Howes?

  True. That's true. No, I understand that.

• 42:52Chris Lee?

  Can't, don't have that on our payroll.

• 42:53Lewis Howes?

  But if you do, but if you do, you definitely will not be able to understand.

• 42:56Chris Lee?

  I think, I think that anybody that is successful, part of what's gonna have them be successful is find people that are good at what they do.

• 43:03Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 43:03Chris Lee?

  And surround yourself with them.

• 43:05Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 43:05Chris Lee?

  I, I now have an accountant. I'm not, you know, I don't do numbers, so I have an accountant. I've accessed the analyzer me by organizing myself to such a degree that I even hired an accountant.

• 43:17Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 43:17Chris Lee?

  That used to be not on my radar. So the whole point of this is that, you know, if, if you find that you're strong in one area and you have weaknesses in the other, you gotta do things that represent that. For example, if you're a controller and you're used to being in charge and you're used to being, you know, doing things your way. Stretch.

• 43:41Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 43:41Chris Lee?

  And let other people contribute to you. Practice listening. Do listening exercises. Connect with somebody who's a supporter that expresses how they feel. Talk about your feelings. Do things that are uncomfortable. None of these things are impossible. All these things are completely accessible to all of us. It's a question of a choice.

• 44:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 44:02Chris Lee?

  You know, a controller could, could choose to write a love note to his wife if he chooses to.

• 44:08Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 44:08Chris Lee?

  And open his heart and actually practice being loving.

• 44:13Chris Lee?

  You know, or actually a controller could actually have a meeting with his employees and just do an acknowledgement meeting. I just want to acknowledge you guys. I want to thank you for the hard work. Do you have any idea?

• 44:24Lewis Howes?

  Controller?

• 44:25Chris Lee?

  Controller.

• 44:25Lewis Howes?

  Wow, that'd be powerful.

• 44:27Chris Lee?

  To do that with his employees. Think about how far that will go.

• 44:31Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 44:32Chris Lee?

  And if you're a supporter boss and you have a hard time expressing your feelings and you're and and not your feelings, sorry, I have a hard time expressing your opinions and you want to make a stand and and you want to confront something, then you need to practice speaking up, speaking louder, speaking clearer, and do those kind of exercises that access another part of you.

• 44:58Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, and it's not necessarily supposed to be easy. It can be easy once you develop the skills, but it's called, you know, a stretch for a reason, I guess. It's going to be challenging to get out of your comfort zone and start tapping into these other personality types. So definitely, you know, don't beat yourself up if you're not able to do this right away. It's going to take time.

• 45:18Chris Lee?

  Well, the first step is to be aware.

• 45:19Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 45:20Chris Lee?

  You know, you're you're a promoter and your girlfriend's an analyzer. You know, don't just say, hey, we're going to go wherever. You got to be clear about where you're going and make sure it works for her. And then, once, once you're speaking, another thing I want to say, it doesn't mean to squash your your quadrant.

• 45:37Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 45:37Chris Lee?

  So once you have the controller's attention, then you could be passionate.

• 45:40Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 45:41Chris Lee?

  Then you could be outrageous.

• 45:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 45:43Chris Lee?

  But if you go into a controller, let's say you want to sell something to a controller, and you're like, hi, how are you doing? Oh, my God. And you're out of your body. The controller will look at you like you're an alien.

• 45:57Chris Lee?

  So you got to be more reserved. Excuse me, sir, do you have a few minutes?

• 46:00Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 46:01Chris Lee?

  I don't want to bother you, but this is very important. You know, you got to, you got to speak on their terms.

• 46:07Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 46:07Chris Lee?

  Once you have the attention of somebody, once

• 46:10Lewis Howes?

  Then you can get passionate.

• 46:11Chris Lee?

  Once you styled flexed, then you could bring them into your vision.

• 46:15Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 46:16Chris Lee?

  So a supporter, once they're confident and they show up powerful for the controller, then the supporter could bring their heart in there.

• 46:24Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 46:25Chris Lee?

  Because at the end of the day, we're all the same.

• 46:27Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. Yeah.

• 46:28Chris Lee?

  We just have, we we just have different masks on. And these are different masks. Controller has that mask, but underneath it, they want the same thing we all do, which is to love and be loved.

• 46:38Lewis Howes?

  That's true.

• 46:38Chris Lee?

  You know, at the end of the day.

• 46:39Lewis Howes?

  That's true. So I want to give you guys a You know, a, a challenge, well, I guess it's not a challenge, but I want you to post in the comments section, wherever you're listening to this, go back to the show notes over at LewisHowes.com. I'll give you the specific link at the end of this podcast. Go back there in the comments section. I want you to post what your dominant quadrant is. So promoter, controller, supporter, analyzer. You've probably got enough information now from what Chris has been talking about. Go in the comments section, post what your dominant one is. If you have two, they may be posted, uh, the two. And, uh, what else should they, should they say in that? Should they say what the greatest benefit is for them for being that? Or what's been holding them back for being that?

• 47:22Chris Lee?

  Yeah, they could say what, what the benefit is of that quadrant and what their challenge is.

• 47:26Lewis Howes?

  There you go.

• 47:27Chris Lee?

  So my benefit is that I'm able to connect with people. I'm able to relate to people. My challenge is that I don't follow through.

• 47:35Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 47:36Chris Lee?

  And also I think it'd be interesting to hear what is, what quadrant is the biggest challenge? Because one of the biggest complaints that I get in my seminars is if my husband would only change. If my boss would only change, if the teachers would only change. And a leader is not concerned about other people changing. A leader's concerned about reaching people where they're at.

• 48:02Lewis Howes?

  Wow, that's interesting.

• 48:03Chris Lee?

  And if I reach people where they're at and I access all of the quadrants, whatever's wanted and needed, you want to be a Jedi master of the quadrants. Promoter, here it is. Analyzer, here it is. Supporter, here it is. Controller, here it is. You know, you gotta be able to access whatever's wanted and needed.

• 48:26Lewis Howes?

  This is interesting that you just said this, you know, just because so many people talk about their relationship, their romantic relationship, as if their boyfriend or girlfriend has a problem. Or that they only, if they could only change, just like you said, or if they would only do this differently or this differently. But really it comes down to Yourself, being able to adapt to what they're doing so that you can connect better. Right?

• 48:50Chris Lee?

  Absolutely. If you're in a relationship and you're not relating to each other, then there's a wall in your relationship. And the only way to tear down the wall is somebody needs to move. And that person is you, if you're the leader, if you choose to be a leader in your life. Now, obviously, someone needs to lead the way.

• 49:11Lewis Howes?

  And obviously, it'd be great if both uh, parties in the relationship understood these principles so that they could both adapt. When one person may not be on or be in their head, the other person can style, flex.

• 49:24Chris Lee?

  But you know what? We, that's, that, that's a, there's a pitfall to what you just said. Because if we're still waiting for the other person, then, then it's never gonna work.

• 49:32Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 49:32Chris Lee?

  So I, I believe in leading by example.

• 49:35Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 49:37Chris Lee?

  So for example, I'm a controller and as a controller, I'm sorry is not part of my vocabulary.

• 49:45Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 49:46Chris Lee?

  Because I'm sorry means.

• 49:48Lewis Howes?

  As a promoter or a controller?

• 49:50Chris Lee?

  Controller.

• 49:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, cuz I'm always right.

• 49:51Chris Lee?

  Yeah, I just said that.

• 49:52Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 49:52Chris Lee?

  Controller.

• 49:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 49:54Chris Lee?

  Doesn't say I'm sorry.

• 49:55Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 49:56Chris Lee?

  So let's say I'm a controller and I'm with a controller girlfriend. So controller, controller, and no one's sorry. What's gonna happen?

• 50:06Lewis Howes?

  With a lot of conflict.

• 50:07Chris Lee?

  Explosion, explosion. It's called drama. I don't know if you've had that in your relationships. It's called drama. And so the only way that something's gonna be different is if one of you and hopefully the person listening to this podcast that has the tool, takes the first step and go, you know what? I blew it. I'm sorry. An access supporter. And what happens when you do that? You know what? I find that when you lead by example, people follow.

• 50:39Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. But it's really hard.

• 50:40Chris Lee?

  And I've seen that happen.

• 50:41Lewis Howes?

  It's really hard for a controller to do that, though.

• 50:43Chris Lee?

  To own up to their breakdown.

• 50:45Lewis Howes?

  Right?

• 50:46Chris Lee?

  Absolutely.

• 50:47Lewis Howes?

  Wow. But that's what a leader does.

• 50:48Chris Lee?

  A leader does. So if you're in a relationship and you're a controller and you're with somebody else that's either supporter, controller, analyzing, or promoter, you gotta be willing to lead the way.

• 50:58Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 50:59Chris Lee?

  You know, so it, it's, it's all about shifting. It's all about. Getting myself out of the box. And I think that part of what we grew up with is the need of certainty. This is who I am, this is who you are, now we know who we are. And I think that that's a mistake because it's limiting. And when I hold myself in a box called, well, that's just the way I am. Then I have no possibility for anything different to happen. That's the way I am, or that's the way things are. Oh, that's just how my mom is. You know, it's amazing, I'll, I'll, I'll share something. I went through this training and, and these seminars and this coaching that, that I'm providing here. And my mom transformed.

• 51:44Chris Lee?

  And my mom didn't go through it. Right. Yet, she did later. And what's amazing was that my mom didn't need to. Because the box I had my mom in called, well, that's the way she is. Never allowed me to connect with her. And so my mom transformed as a result of my transformation. What happened was that I spoke to her on her terms. Once I was able to bridge that gap, then our relationship got better. Wow, interesting. So my mom is controller with controller. Yeah. And I grew up being promoter with promoter. So you can imagine me breaking my word, never bringing the car back on time.

• 52:28Chris Lee?

  Never returning phone calls, you know, just never, you know, just, you know, my mom being a controller would be upside down about that. And so instead of waiting for my mom to change, one thing I realized was I need to be the change I want to see in others. Didn't Gandhi say that? Be the change you want to see in others. So I started showing up responsible, keeping my word, confident with my mom. And from that point.

• 52:58Chris Lee?

  Our relationship shift.

• 52:59Lewis Howes?

  She started to see you in a different way and connect with you in a different way.

• 53:02Chris Lee?

  Cause in her idea, controller is responsible.

• 53:05Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 53:05Chris Lee?

  So all of the responsible.

• 53:07Lewis Howes?

  And their word and on time and all those things. Yeah.

• 53:09Chris Lee?

  Yeah. And, and so it's all about you shifting your characterization of yourself and others.

• 53:15Lewis Howes?

  Right. Very powerful stuff. Now there's, there's a lot of different personality tests out there, right? This is, what's this one called? Is there a specific name for this or?

• 53:23Chris Lee?

  It's called a personality matrix.

• 53:25Lewis Howes?

  And there's like Myers-Briggs, there's a few other ones.

• 53:27Chris Lee?

  There's a lot of them. There's some that are, that, that have to do with, you know, um, emotions and, and processing. There's neuro-linguistic programming. There's a lot of different personality types. I mean, uh, tests.

• 53:41Lewis Howes?

  Tests.

• 53:41Chris Lee?

  But this is something that, that when I heard it, it kind of rang true for me.

• 53:46Lewis Howes?

  Makes sense. Yeah.

• 53:46Chris Lee?

  And it was easy. It's easy to duplicate.

• 53:48Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. I did the Myers-Briggs once, but I always forget like what I am. It's like, I don't know. I always forget it. But this is simple for me. Like I'm a promoter slash controller.

• 53:57Chris Lee?

  Right.

• 53:58Lewis Howes?

  And I can tap into the other stuff, but it's like, I understand it.

• 54:01Chris Lee?

  And also, like I said, it depends on the situation. Sometimes, sometimes you're, you know, I, I've seen powerhouses at work become, you know, these supporters at home.

• 54:11Lewis Howes?

  Puppy dogs.

• 54:12Chris Lee?

  Over their children. And that's not good either. I mean, you gotta, you gotta be able to access. Ideally, you want to be smack in the middle of the four quadrants.

• 54:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 54:23Chris Lee?

  And have what's wanted and needed, given the situation.

• 54:27Lewis Howes?

  At any moment. Right?

• 54:28Chris Lee?

  So like in persuasion, when you want to persuade somebody to do something, a controller process is very different than a supporter. And a supporter process is different than an analyzer. An analyzer process is different than a promoter. And a promoter, you know, process is different than a controller.

• 54:45Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 54:45Chris Lee?

  And so if you're going to persuade, like you were talking about the car, persuade a promoter, you gotta connect with their energy and their passion.

• 54:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 54:53Chris Lee?

  Whether it's persuade them on a business team or in a relationship or to sell them something.

• 55:00Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 55:01Chris Lee?

  And I think a lot of us are in sales of some sort.

• 55:04Lewis Howes?

  Of course, always.

• 55:04Chris Lee?

  And so to enroll, which is a word. I like to use when you want to enroll, you know, the key to success is building relationship. Yeah. So if I'm the leader, it's up to me to build a relationship with a promoter. And if I go up to a promoter, all analytical and detail oriented. They're not going to be enrolled. Their ADD won't be able to handle it. They'll be bored. They'll be on their phone, they'll be looking at. And you could have the best product analyzer, you could have every guarantee in the world. But even if you give it away for free, the promoter is not buying it. Bored. Yeah. So if you're going to enroll a promoter, you gotta be passionate, excited and outrageous. Yeah. And you had to practice that. And so that's what's going to work with a promoter. Sure, sure.

• 55:48Chris Lee?

  Once you speak their language, then you could give them all the details and you could give them all of the other things that that go along with your own personality. Sure. But you gotta shift that. If you're going to persuade or motivate or inspire promoter, you gotta make it fun for them. Right. So you gotta get them, and since their downside is uh breaking their word, you gotta give them short projects. Sure. It's gotta be a short leash. It's not gonna take a year, it's gonna take. No, no, no, cause they, you know, in a week or a day or, you know, two days or, you know, you gotta give them short, short term goals. Sure, yeah. And analyzer is the opposite. They love long term goals with benchmarks. Five year plan.

• 56:28Chris Lee?

  You know, the plans. And so if you're going to inspire and convince an analyzer, you gotta give them all of the facts. More data, better. Yeah, yeah. You know, the information. If you're going to inspire, motivate and persuade a supporter, you gotta connect with their heart. Sure. If they fall in love with you, they're buying everything. Right, over and over. Absolutely. You know, you look pretty, nice dress. I mean, beautiful day, you're so, I love this. You know, and it's, it's gotta be real. You can't be full of it. But when they feel that you're building a relationship skills with them, then, then they're in. Love it.

• 57:09Chris Lee?

  And say anything with a controller. You want to persuade a controller, you gotta show up powerful and confident and you need to show up credible. You know, it's gotta be clear. It's gotta be to the point and it's gotta be results.

• 57:21Lewis Howes?

  Right, right. Well, we've been almost going for an hour and it feels like 10 minutes.

• 57:25Chris Lee?

  Really?

• 57:25Lewis Howes?

  It's crazy, huh?

• 57:26Chris Lee?

  No way.

• 57:27Lewis Howes?

  I swear, yeah.

• 57:28Chris Lee?

  I could go on for another hour.

• 57:29Lewis Howes?

  I know, I could listen to this and talk about this stuff and dissect it forever. Uh, but I want to make sure that people take this and run with it. And I want you guys to go back to the site. I'm gonna give you the show, the show note link here in a second. Uh, but make sure to go back, leave a comment on this post on lewishouse.com. And tell us what quadrants you're in. We'll have them listed on the show notes so you can refer back to it. How that's been beneficial for you and what was the other thing?

• 57:57Chris Lee?

  Which one is, is challenging for you?

• 57:59Lewis Howes?

  Challenging for you to tap into. So those three things we want you to post in the comment section. Also, you can just tweet at Chris Motivador. I'll have it linked on the show notes as well. You can tell them which one you are. Go ahead.

• 58:12Chris Lee?

  I also have a little trick, like a little tool that you can use so that you know what's missing in any given moment. Are you in?

• 58:21Lewis Howes?

  Let's do it.

• 58:21Chris Lee?

  Alright, so here, all you need to do is write down these four things. Number one, outrageousness. Write down that word, outrageousness. We'll put it in the show notes.

• 58:34Chris Lee?

  Number two, vulnerability.

• 58:39Chris Lee?

  Number three,

• 58:43Chris Lee?

  keep your word.

• 58:46Chris Lee?

  Keep your word. And number four, I matter.

• 58:54Lewis Howes?

  Okay, what was the first one again?

• 58:58Chris Lee?

  Outrageousness.

• 58:59Lewis Howes?

  Outrageousness, vulnerability.

• 59:01Chris Lee?

  Vulnerability.

• 59:02Lewis Howes?

  Keep your word.

• 59:02Chris Lee?

  Keep your word.

• 59:03Lewis Howes?

  I matter.

• 59:04Chris Lee?

  I matter.

• 59:05Lewis Howes?

  Okay, cool.

• 59:06Chris Lee?

  So the first one, outrageousness is for the?

• 59:09Lewis Howes?

  Promoter.

• 59:10Chris Lee?

  The analyzer.

• 59:11Lewis Howes?

  For the analyzer to be outrageous.

• 59:13Chris Lee?

  So like, so in any given moment, you're having a breakdown in your life, look at that list and you'll know which one you need to provide.

• 59:20Lewis Howes?

  Right. And think about being outrageous.

• 59:22Chris Lee?

  So if I'm in a breakdown, I'm looking, okay, I need, I need outrageousness in this moment.

• 59:26Lewis Howes?

  Got you.

• 59:26Chris Lee?

  Okay. So the analyzer needs that reminder. So outrageousness.

• 59:30Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 59:31Chris Lee?

  The second one is vulnerability and that's for the controller.

• 59:34Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 59:34Chris Lee?

  So if you find yourself locking horns with somebody and you look at that, uh, let me be vulnerable.

• 59:40Lewis Howes?

  Okay. Keep your word would be for the promoter.

• 59:42Chris Lee?

  The promoter. So there's a breakdown with the promoter. It's usually around their word.

• 59:46Lewis Howes?

  Got you.

• 59:46Chris Lee?

  Keeping their word. So a promoter needs that little reminder.

• 59:50Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 59:50Chris Lee?

  And then the fourth one is I matter and that would be the supporter.

• 59:55Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 59:55Chris Lee?

  Because the supporter forgets their own value.

• 59:58Lewis Howes?

  Their worth.

• 59:59Chris Lee?

  Yes.

• 1:00:00Lewis Howes?

  Powerful stuff. Well, as always, Chris, this is amazing and I think this is probably the best one out of all three so far.

• 1:00:07Chris Lee?

  You always say that. You're a promoter. You always say that. Everyone's the best one. I feel the same way.

• 1:00:12Lewis Howes?

  This is great though. I mean, they're all powerful, but uh, if you haven't listened to the first two, go back and listen to those.

• 1:00:18Chris Lee?

  I also would like feedback on how you've not only which one you are and which one's a challenging, which one's challenging for you, but I like feedback on my Twitter, Arova or at Chris Motivador and also Lewis Howes.

• 1:00:32Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:32Chris Lee?

  On, on his Twitter, um, on how you apply this.

• 1:00:36Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. Yeah.

• 1:00:37Chris Lee?

  And the results.

• 1:00:37Lewis Howes?

  And your relationships.

• 1:00:38Chris Lee?

  Yeah. Like, like wow, Chris, I applied this with my wife and it's amazing. I shifted. I started reading poetry to her.

• 1:00:45Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:00:46Chris Lee?

  And it changed my relationship.

• 1:00:47Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:48Chris Lee?

  You know, little things like that, little details make the difference. I like to hear about that.

• 1:00:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Maybe go today or tonight, whenever you're listening to this, do something differently. Tap into something differently.

• 1:00:58Chris Lee?

  Or make a list of the things you could do.

• 1:01:00Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:01:01Chris Lee?

  That are out of character.

• 1:01:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. And try, uh, tapping into it with one person, someone that matters to you most in your life. Maybe the most important relationship with spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend. And, uh, even if your relationship is already great, tap into that one thing that you know will connect with them on an emotional level or on a level that's reaches. quadrant and see what happens and share with us the results.

• 1:01:24Chris Lee?

  Beautiful.

• 1:01:24Lewis Howes?

  Either on Twitter, in the comments section, anywhere. But again.

• 1:01:28Chris Lee?

  Facebook, I also have a fan page, Chris Lee Motivational Trainer.

• 1:01:31Lewis Howes?

  Chris Lee Motivational Trainer.

• 1:01:33Chris Lee?

  On Facebook.

• 1:01:33Lewis Howes?

  We'll have it all linked up.

• 1:01:36Lewis Howes?

  Chris, thanks so much. This is incredible, great information, valuable information.

• 1:01:44Lewis Howes?

  Let's go into, I've already asked you this twice now, the third time, since it's the question I ask everyone at the end, which is, what's your definition of greatness? So maybe pertaining around this, in terms of relationships, what's your definition of greatness?

• 1:01:58Chris Lee?

  Reinvention.

• 1:02:00Lewis Howes?

  Perfect.

• 1:02:03Lewis Howes?

  Awesome. Well, thanks again, everyone for coming on and Chris, thank you for your wisdom.

• 1:02:07Chris Lee?

  Thank you. It's been great, like always.

• 1:02:09Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:02:24Lewis Howes?

  Wow, wow, wow. I hope you guys enjoyed this episode on the four different personality types to connect with and how to influence and inspire anyone to move into action. Again, if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with your friends over on Facebook, on Twitter, post a picture on Instagram where you are listening to this episode. Make sure to tag Chris and go back to the show notes over at lewishouse.com/80 to get all the information, all the notes and all the stuff that we talked about in this episode. LewisHowes.com/80. And thanks you guys so much for subscribing on iTunes. I see a lot of people subscribing lately, a lot of people leaving reviews.

• 1:03:05Lewis Howes?

  That helps the rankings on iTunes and it gets the message out there, gets the podcast out there to more people. So if you haven't subscribed yet, please subscribe today and leave a review. I would love to see the reviews you guys have and let me know that you subscribed. Just shoot me a tweet over at Lewis Howes on Twitter. Thanks again, guys, so much for tuning in. I appreciate you for being loyal and avid listeners of the show and ambassadors of the School of Greatness. You guys know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.

• 1:03:57Chris Lee?

  Reinvention. Perfect.