79 How Saying NO Can Help You Love Yourself with James Altucher

"If you're not choosing, your excusing." - James Altucher Tweetable = ctt.ec/3dQ78 If you'd like to learn more about the show, head on over to www.lewishowes.com/79 Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  This is episode number 79 with James Altucher.

• 0:07Speaker 00

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:33Speaker 00

  What is up everyone? Thanks so much for tuning into the School of Greatness today on this very special, beautiful, incredible, amazing day. I'm super pumped that you're listening and I'm always very grateful for you taking the time to tune in and hear about the guests or the topic that we have covered for this episode. So, thank you guys so much. It means so much to me that you're listening. I've met a bunch of you guys recently, a few guys who have approached me on the street and just said how much these episodes mean to you, what you're learning from them, how they're supporting you in your business and life and relationships and health growth. So again, if you guys see me anywhere, whenever I'm traveling or in Los Angeles where I live, feel free to come up and say hi.

• 1:15Speaker 00

  Would love to connect with you guys and it means so much to me that you're a big supporter of the show. So, thanks so much guys. Today we've got a great episode. Man, I love this human being. His name is James Altucher and he's been on the show twice so far. He's one of only two people I think who's been on the show three times now and it's for a good reason because he's one of the wisest individuals I know. He's been through a lot. He's made a ton of money, millions of dollars, lost it all like seven different times. I made multiple millions then lost it all and it took him a long time to start learning the lessons on how to be, live a balanced life,

• 1:54Speaker 00

  be sustainable, how to manage his emotions, how to, you know, handle himself with relationships. He's learned a lot. He's had a lot of life lessons and he's extremely wise individual. He's got a, the past episode we talked about was a book he wrote called Choose Yourself, which has almost sold over 200,000 copies in a year, which is almost unheard of and it's pretty cool what he's done. He's got a new book that's called The Power of No. The power of no, because one little word can bring health, abundance and happiness. And some of you might be thinking, what about the power of yes? And shouldn't we be saying yes to everything in life and yes, yes, yes, and positive thinking? But there's a lot of power in the word no.

• 2:38Speaker 00

  And we're going to be diving into this in detail and depth in this interview. And I'm very excited to bring James back on and, and cover this. I think this is going to be one of the most, one of the best podcasts we've done so far. And I really think you're going to get a lot out of this. So do me a favor, get out a pen and paper because we cover so much in this episode. And there's some great things, you know, the book is incredible. There's some amazing exercises in there. You're going to want to get this book, I guarantee it. It's very powerful. So I'm going to bring James on here in just a second. Now let's go ahead and dive in to the power of no and the importance of no with the one and only James Altucher.

• 3:32Speaker 00

  The more I got into this book, the more I realized how amazing it was. So much of it relates to areas of my life that I think I was resisting it. More than a book to read, it's a book to work. The exercises are simple enough to do, but hugely impactful if you do them and apply them. So that was a message from an email I got from my assistant, Sarah, who I asked to read the entire book, cover to cover of our next guest who's on right now, Mr. James Altucher. How's it going, James?

• 4:07James Altucher?

  Great, Louis. That's a, that's a great email from Sarah. Please tell her, uh, thank you.

• 4:11Speaker 00

  I will, I will. And your new book, we had you on the show, uh, months ago. This, this is actually your third time on the show.

• 4:19James Altucher?

  My third time, yes.

• 4:20Speaker 00

  The first, you're the, you're the, there's only, you're the only person right now who's been on the show three times, actually. So.

• 4:27James Altucher?

  Very honored.

• 4:28Speaker 00

  A couple of people have been on twice. I've got another guy. Who will be on three times in about a week. Um, but she'll be.

• 4:35James Altucher?

  And you could tell Barack Obama that I'm gonna be on a fourth time then.

• 4:38Speaker 00

  I will, I will. And, uh, your last, the last podcast we had with you on was about, uh, your book, Choose Yourself. And it was a huge hit, just like the book. The book you said sold a couple hundred thousand copies already, which I don't know any other author who's done that. Um, personally, except for Tim Ferriss, I guess Tucker Max. But, uh, there's very few authors who've sold, you know, a hundred thousand copies, let alone a couple hundred thousand. So congratulations on that.

• 5:03James Altucher?

  Thank you. It was, it was actually a very pleasant surprise for me. You know, I keep track of the numbers almost every day and we, we just tipped a hundred ninety thousand. So it'll, it'll get to the two hundred thousand eventually.

• 5:14Speaker 00

  Incredible, incredible. And this new book is called, uh, the one that Sarah was talking about is called The Power of No. Because one little word can bring health, abundance and happiness. And, uh, for me, it's kind of reminds me of the power of now. And, uh, that book, I think it's called The Power of Now.

• 5:33James Altucher?

  Yes.

• 5:33Speaker 00

  Was that Eckhart Tolle or who was that?

• 5:36James Altucher?

  Yeah, Eckhart Tolle. And I'll tell you the joke. So, so after Choose Yourself came out, um, hey, uh, two things happened. Um, I got two calls on the very same day. One call was from a financial newsletter company, uh, Stansberry and Associates. And Porter Stansberry loved the book and wanted to, um, recommend the book on his list. So he was just informing me of that. And then the other call I got was from Hay House, which is a spiritual oriented publisher. Like they published Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Marion Williamson, people like that. And they wanted to know if I had any other titles in mind, you know, or any other book ideas in mind. So I thought this was very interesting.

• 6:18James Altucher?

  That kind of the most financial company realized it wasn't just all about stocks that people really, that particularly in our economy and society right now. People need help in a lot of different ways. Like the entire economy is turning upside down. And so they just, it's not enough to just know what stocks divide. And then the other thing was. People who believe in angels need to also pay the bills. So, you know, I got it from both sides.

• 6:47Speaker 00

  Right.

• 6:47James Altucher?

  So I told the Hay House people, you know, I made a joke. I said to the Hay House people, uh, sure, let's just do The Power of Now, but without the W. And, and then maybe we'll do twelve thirteenths as good as Eckhart Tolle's masterpiece, because I really like The Power of Now.

• 7:04Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 7:04James Altucher?

  And they laughed, but they also said, "We love it. Let's do it."

• 7:08Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 7:09James Altucher?

  So, so I wrote the book.

• 7:11Speaker 00

  Interesting, interesting. So, why, I mean...

• 7:14James Altucher?

  We even dedicate the book to Eckhart Tolle, actually.

• 7:17Speaker 00

  I'm looking at that page right now for inspiring us with the first twelve letters of his bestseller.

• 7:21James Altucher?

  Yeah.

• 7:22Speaker 00

  So, very interesting. Uh...

• 7:25James Altucher?

  He hasn't sued us yet, so, but he, he's too calm a guy to sue anybody, so...

• 7:30Speaker 00

  So funny. Um, have you met him?

• 7:34James Altucher?

  No, I've never met him. I know people who have, who really actually think very highly of him, you know. I know, I know people who are very skeptical who met him, and they were like, "Yeah, he just hangs out." Like, he doesn't... You just get this real sense of calm from him. So I, I look forward to one day meeting him, but I don't know if it'll happen.

• 7:52Speaker 00

  That's funny. Yeah, I was just interviewing Tucker Maxx, but, uh, he was talking about how that guy is, uh, been extremely successful because he took a complicated idea and made it simple. And he just, uh, it wasn't an original idea, original thought. He took it from somewhere else and made it simple for everyone to understand.

• 8:09James Altucher?

  It's true. I mean, that idea is like four thousand years old.

• 8:13Speaker 00

  Right.

• 8:13James Altucher?

  And, uh, it's been written over and over and over again in like every single possible way it can be imagined. But he just made it very, very simple and very easy to read. Like, each chapter, it's just a couple paragraphs. And, and you know, and also The Power of Now, A, it was self-published, like, he just did it on his own. And B, it was, it was word of mouth for years and years, maybe like five or six years before it was a bestseller.

• 8:38Speaker 00

  Really? Interesting.

• 8:40James Altucher?

  Yeah. I mean, I think he, I think he wrote it in nineteen ninety seven, and then it wasn't a bestseller until about two thousand two.

• 8:46Speaker 00

  Wow. Interesting. So it goes to show that even if you're not a big hit right away, uh, stick at it, because you might be one day.

• 8:53James Altucher?

  Yeah, like a good book is gonna, you know, word of mouth will will affect it.

• 8:57Speaker 00

  Sure, sure, like choose yourself.

• 9:00James Altucher?

  Yeah, choose yourself hopefully.

• 9:02Speaker 00

  Okay, so, uh, in the beginning you have, uh, what's called a no bill of rights. And you don't have to tell me all of them because there's a bunch, I think there's what? Ten, ten of them, twelve, eleven of them. Um, why did you create the no bill of rights and what is it exactly?

• 9:19James Altucher?

  You know, and that that was, um, so I so I co-wrote this with my lovely wife Claudia. And this was Claudia's good idea to basically, like even if somebody wasn't gonna buy the book and was just gonna pick it up and kind of browse through it, just to know what you have, um, the the the right to, like, people in general are afraid to say no. Like if if someone, um, if a boss asks you to do something that you're uncomfortable with, you're afraid to say no, or if friends ask you out to dinner but you don't really want to, you're afraid to say no, or, you know, even deeper things like, you know, right now we're seeing all these news articles about, uh, the Ukraine.

• 10:03James Altucher?

  And it's hard to say no to news because then everybody will say, oh, well, you're being uninformed. That's really ignorant of you. So like society itself, uh, commands you to say yes to certain things. Uh, and then in general, we also have this constant dialogue going on in our minds like, why did she say this, or why did he say that, or why did they reject me on this? And so we have this dialogue going on that we don't realize, but we can say no to that inner dialogue as well. And we give some exercises for that. And, uh, uh, things like that are very, uh, you know, it's important to know that, you know, at the end of the day,

• 10:45James Altucher?

  uh, you know, there's kind of this infinity that stretches out before we were born. And there's this infinity that stretches out after we're gonna die. And we're only here for a very tiny bit of time. And the more you say yes, the more you're gonna kind of burn up that time. Uh, and then the next thing you know, you're gonna have a play, you're gonna have an infinity to just be nothing. So you might. As well make the most of your time now and and the only way to do that is to to be aware of when you can and probably should say more and more often or at least at least be aware that you have that right.

• 11:26Speaker 00

  Sure, yeah. I mean, as I'm looking over the the Bill of No Rights right now, they're they all make a lot of sense and I'll just read a couple of them. One is you have the right to use your talents and allow abundance into your life and I think so many people don't feel like they have the right to shine or to use their talents talents in a powerful way for whatever reasons, whatever stories they create up about it um on how it's, you know, affected them or not affected them.

• 11:52James Altucher?

  And and and Louis, you're you're like a great example of this because you could have easily just said to yourself, okay, I'm gonna get a job at some company and, you know, build up in the company and um you know, be nice to my boss so I can get promoted and salary increases. Instead, you know, you just spent the past several months, you know, defending the US and handball and you you do these webinars to help other people leave their corporate chains and start their own businesses. Like, people have the right to create their own lives. Like, you don't, you know, you were sort of born a a blank slate, but then we're thrown into this

• 12:34James Altucher?

  sea of suggestions from our parents, from our teachers, from society, and with these suggestions stick to us and we get stuck in the mud. Like, it's like we're stuck and we can't get out to the open sea. And it's important to realize, look, these are just suggestions and even if my parents or colleagues or bosses or colleges or government or institutions are unhappy with me, I I'm the only one who has the right to say yes or no to any of these.

• 13:02Speaker 00

  Right, yeah, and you know, a great Bill of No Rights that goes along with that is you have the right to choose what stories you believe in. So you can choose, you know, for me, I definitely have chosen different stories than I think a lot of people and gratefully, I had some some my parents inspire me with stories that did serve me. They they also didn't inspire me with stories of um.

• 13:26Speaker 00

  Anger and resentment and judgment and also a lot of arguing, a lot of fighting and arguing. Those like stories that they created for me did not serve me, but there were other things that they told me, I always go after my dreams, always do what I want, come from a place of love. Those did serve me. So I chose, I decided to choose those stories as opposed to the ones of them, you know, being in fights a lot before they got divorced.

• 13:54Speaker 00

  And that's what's worked for me is choosing and not just believing in everything.

• 13:59James Altucher?

  It's very, it's very important because, you know, and as we've probably talked about before, if you're, if you're not choosing, you're excusing. So, you know, and I, I see this all the time like, but I can't do that. I have to do this because, you know, I have to make my mortgage or I have to do this or that, or be in this relationship. I'm, I'm married even though I'm unhappy with it. And, and yes, all of these things are true. Like excuses are just as valid as choices, but you can, there's always a bridge between the excuses and eliminating the excuses. So now you can make a choice.

• 14:37Speaker 00

  Hmm. Yeah. I mean, all these Bill of No Rights are powerful. So I definitely recommend everyone to check them out. I won't go over them all because we could talk about the, for an hour on each one of them, but very powerful. And I like that you set the book up first with this like Bill of Rights, because it kind of gives people permission on what they, what they can do. So thank you for setting that up.

• 14:58James Altucher?

  Well, well, it's interesting because, you know, just in terms of like writing style, we, we were debating, you know, I think the most powerful writing is storytelling. And when you start off something with like this Bill of Rights, are people going to read it or are they going to kind of just put it down? Because, you know, like Choose Yourself, I start like I'm literally on the floor dying. And, you know, that's what started with the story. So we debated that and I think, I think both ways are powerful.

• 15:25Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 15:26James Altucher?

  Um, you know, but it's just something to, to think about when you're, when, when one's writing a book. Uh, storytelling is an extremely powerful way to, to get a message. And we, we get into the stories later in the book.

• 15:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. And you know, for those that don't know James yet, again, he's been on the show twice. And if you're a listener at school greatness, you've probably been following him since. He's one of the most talented writers I've ever, you know, met.

• 15:49James Altucher?

  Oh, thank you.

• 15:50Speaker 00

  Definitely, you know, every day, I feel like it's every day, maybe it's every other day, but every day he's posting something on his Facebook page. That I have to read, it's like so captivating that I have to read it every time, you know. From the headlines he uses to the stories he tells, he can make the most lame, boring story seem like the most exciting, thrilling movie you'll ever watch.

• 16:15James Altucher?

  Oh, thank you.

• 16:15Speaker 00

  So I definitely recommend following James on Facebook and his website and, and, and listening to his podcast, downloading it, subscribing because you're going to be very educated and entertained at the same time. Now, um, you talk about gratitude in here and you said being grateful saved your life. Can you talk about how being grateful saved your life?

• 16:39James Altucher?

  Yeah, you know, when you're, a lot of times when I've been going broke or when I've had bad relationships, like I'm divorced, I've lost two homes, I've been bankrupt, uh, you know, obviously those situations are very scary and lead to a lot of stress and lead to a lot of worry. Um, and when you're worried, what happens is you're worried about the future, like some mythical future that hasn't appeared yet. Two, two things happen really, you're worried about the future, which may or may not exist. And you're also depleting your energy right now because energy and worry can't happen in the same body.

• 17:22James Altucher?

  Like I can't be like, let's go get them and at the same time scared to death. I'm just going to be, I'm going to feel like crawling up, I'm going to, my heart is going to be closed and I'm going to feel like crawling into the floor and crying or whatever. So the way you combat anxiety and worry and you know, this is not for everybody, but it for, let's say for 80 or 90% of cases is, you know, is to start thinking about the things you're grateful for because gratitude.

• 17:54James Altucher?

  It's gonna sound weird, but gratitude is actually the same thing as abundance. And because you can't be grateful for something that you're not abundant in. So for instance, I'm grateful, this is a very basic example, I'm grateful for my two children. Because I'm abundant in the love I have for my children. I'm grateful for the nice weather today. I'm abundant in good weather. I'm grateful where, you know, we're doing this podcast because, you know, our friendship and these podcasts have been great for me and it's propelled my life forward. And you do this, you could, this is a meditation, and I'm gonna use that word. This is a meditation you can do all day long, every day.

• 18:38James Altucher?

  And I encourage people to not just think of the superficial things, like, not superficial, but the things that are on the top, like my kids is sort of the obvious one. But to really go deep into this, like be as creative as possible in what you're grateful for. Uh, you know, there's so many horrible things that are happening in the world, and so many good things happening to me, but sometimes they're very tiny. So you have to be creative and grateful, and I try to think of new things every single day. And I make it an exercise, the moment I wake up, ten new things that I'm grateful for that day. So on day one, it was my kids. But it hasn't been my kids since then. It's always new things. You go as deep as possible into that gratitude.

• 19:23James Altucher?

  And again, gratitude equals abundance. So if you focus on the things that you're abundant in, then abundance has a tendency to compound. It makes me even more abundant, it makes me more creative. And I find, from my own personal experience, people can try it for themselves, from my own personal experience, this abundance has compounded magically in my life. So that all those things that I could have been worried about just never came to pass. And it's been like magic what's happened to me since then.

• 19:57Speaker 00

  You know, one of the reasons I love talking to you and listening to you and reading your, your, your, your writing is that I feel like I always confirm that what I'm doing is effective. What I've been doing in my life has been working for me. And for the last couple of years, I, my voicemail on my phone says, you know, tell me what you're most grateful for, if you want me to respond to your voicemail. And so every

• 20:22James Altucher?

  I love that.

• 20:23Speaker 00

  Every voicemail I get is someone's like, oh, thank you for asking. What I'm most grateful for. They start off with what I'm most grateful for is this, this, this. And some people are like superficial, but some people are getting really creative. And I'm like, man, that just brings me back to what am I grateful for right now when I hear that? And every night I go to bed and I say three things I'm most grateful for to whoever I, the last person I talked to, whether it be on the phone or in person, or I write it down. And in the morning I do the same thing. What am I most grateful for in the morning? And I'm constantly doing that throughout the day. I, I think I agree with you. It's like a, you could do this as a meditation constantly throughout the day. And it's only going to bring you abundance and, you know, a better feeling or whatever it is that you want. It's only going to bring you that. So.

• 21:08James Altucher?

  It's so true. And, and, and I really encourage people to, to try it and see, give it a chance to work out because it works.

• 21:16Speaker 00

  It does. It does. And the cool thing, I mean, the reason I really love this book is because I, for me, it's always been a struggle and we've talked about this. It's always been a struggle for me to read. And the reason why I like your book is because you make like, it's like two page chapters or one page chapters and then like exercises afterwards. So for me, it's like the perfect format. For those that are like struggle with reading, uh, it's like the easiest way to read and be entertained and excited and learn as you go. So I really appreciate that. One of the exercises, uh, one of the chapters is saying no to negative chatter.

• 21:55Speaker 00

  And for me, I, I definitely can relate to this as something I used to be the king of negative chatter growing up, like in, you know, elementary school and high school. And I think a lot of kids growing up in school can probably. Probably relate on some level to negative chatter. But really being judgmental and and putting myself down, I was like the king of that. Um, and you talk about saying no to negative chatter and you've got a cool exercise. I just want to read it because I'm, you know, I'm sure you don't remember everything you say in every exercise. So I'll just read it for for uh listeners. You say um, there are three keys to stop negative chatter. The first key is to catch yourself when you're starting to feel the anger. Anger never catches what you want to.

• 22:36Speaker 00

  So first is to catch yourself when you're talking bad about yourself, or I mean to yourself. Uh, the second key is to treat yourself like someone you love. And why, why do you want to treat yourself like someone you love um to stop negative chatter?

• 22:52James Altucher?

  Well, you know, I think a lot of people like I would never to say to a friend of mine. Like, oh, you're a stupid idiot. Um, and yet I'll, and yet people have, like, I have no problem saying to myself, James, why are you such a stupid idiot all the time? Like, so, so that's the negative chatter that sometimes comes up like, oh, I was so stupid. How did I miss that appointment or did said that thing to that person at the party? Or, you know, didn't, you know, do a email here or, you know, I'll be so hard on myself. And I, I think a lot of people are like that. And so I think, you know, the, the key to, you know, one of the keys or many keys, but one of the keys to a good life is to, to live life gently.

• 23:35James Altucher?

  And that starts off uh being as gentle as possible with yourself. Treat yourself like you would treat someone you love. Because if you can't love yourself, you're not going to be able to ultimately love anybody else and you're going to end up, you know, dying unhappy like that. I don't want to do that.

• 23:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, and and the third, the third key to this negative chatter exercise is to treat others with love. And I think you, I think you hit that perfectly. You said, you know, if you can't love yourself, how are you going to be able to love other people? And I think. You know, correct me if I'm wrong, but we treat others the way we treat ourselves in a lot of ways. So if we're constantly negative, negative to ourselves, or judgmental of what we're doing, or beating ourselves up for not showing up on time, whatever it may be, I believe that we're gonna reflect that and treat other people that in a very similar fashion. I don't know, what do you think about that?

• 24:29James Altucher?

  Yeah, no, it's very important, like, let's say, let's say you're, you're angry at someone, and I'll take a very basic example, let, let's say I was angry at my wife, for instance. Why am I angry? It could be because I'm afraid of something, like she's doing something that makes me afraid. Like, let's say she's, uh, you know, uh, uh, flirting with somebody, this, this hasn't happened, but, you know, I might get, I might get jealous. And, but what, what's really happening is I'm not angry at her, I'm fearful for myself, I'm feeling insecure about myself. And so recognizing that, that leads ultimately back to like, well, why am I insecure about myself?

• 25:10James Altucher?

  I should be loving and gentle with myself, and then I won't be as angry with her, like, you know, she's gonna do what she's gonna do, but I love myself, so I'm, I'm fine. And, you know, it's easy to say this, and it's, it's, it's, um, a little harder to practice this, and then it's harder still to, to have it work. So the one fourth thing I will add to this list is to just be patient with yourself, because it's not like automatically overnight, you're gonna, um, all the negative chatter is gonna be blocked out. Like, just be patient with yourself, like, pu- put those things into practice, and, you know, and wait, because eventually if you practice and you notice yourself, like,

• 25:54James Altucher?

  you know, if, if, let's say you're driving a car and someone cuts you off, you might react to your, you think, you might think, oh my gosh, this guy's just such a jerk, he just cut me off. Well, Now you have you have this technique. Oh, I just noticed I said something about a complete stranger that I that I'm never going to encounter again. And instead, you could be, uh, you know, who knows, I'm gonna love myself, you know, life is good, blah, blah, blah. And I I'm never gonna think poorly about this person again, because I'm never gonna see him again. And just practice things like this, and eventually, over time, you will less and less have that negative chatter. Again, I'm not saying, you know, the one thing I always say is, this is not advice that I give.

• 26:39James Altucher?

  These are things that I've only applied to myself. And I know that they've worked for me, so I write them down, and then I hope that they work for others.

• 26:48Speaker 00

  Right, exactly, yeah. And talking about your wife, what was it like working with your wife wife on a book? And how was that experience? Um, you know, did you guys have creative differences, or was it effortless, or, you know, did it bring up something for you guys? What was it like?

• 27:04James Altucher?

  Well, well, I should add, we're divorced now.

• 27:07Speaker 00

  You are?

• 27:09James Altucher?

  I'm just kidding.

• 27:11Speaker 00

  I'd be surprised you have your names on the books till then.

• 27:14James Altucher?

  Um, no, it's it's it's definitely interesting, because, you know, you you it's a it's a different way of interacting with somebody. And particularly with that person, your your wife or a loved one, you're very used to interacting in one particular way with somebody. And then now, suddenly, you're creating this creative baby together. And that's going to change the relationship. Like, if you disagree with about things, you have you you're not gonna just automatically say, oh, honey, but we love each other, so now we should agree. Like, you have to actually come up with a technique for working through disagreements and then agreeing later. And, um, you know, at first, it was difficult, because we didn't we didn't know this.

• 27:58James Altucher?

  So we didn't know how to interact with each other when we disagreed with things. So what we did first was, we actually went to a silent retreat. So we went to a two-week silent retreat where we couldn't, even though our rooms were next to each other, we couldn't speak. So we just each wrote our own things and, and then we actually started to miss each other. So after like a few days or after about a week, we started to kind of whisper to each other or pass notes to each other. And then it becomes kind of fun and romantic, you know, this process of writing together. And afterwards, we kind of stapled the sections together and read through it, almost like a rough draft of a book.

• 28:40James Altucher?

  And then we both started rewriting on each other's sections. But, but then we kind of used techniques from improv. So, you know, when you're doing improv comedy, the first rule is, it's called yes and. And so you're, so no matter what somebody suggests in an improv.

• 28:57Speaker 00

  Not no and?

• 29:00James Altucher?

  Right, not no and. Yeah, in, in an improv, you don't, it's the power of yes and. And, and you, you, you first start off agreeing and building off of what the other person started. Or else, you know, the act is over. If you, if you, or the act, you know, begins with you rather than with the other person. So, so you're always building on top of what the other person started. So, so we use that rule in our, in our constructive criticism of each other. Most, most people don't know how to criticize each other. They start off with, you know, negative or useless criticism, which is even worse. So we would always kind of find, you know, dig deep, find the good things in what each other said, because we have respect for each other. So we know, no matter what problems were in the writing,

• 29:44James Altucher?

  there was some gem there that the person wanted to say. So we find something constructive. And then we build on that. Here's how I, I love what you said. Here's what I loved about it. Here's how I would change it or add to it. And using that process, we were able to really, uh, uh, you know, finish the book.

• 30:02Speaker 00

  I like that. And, and one of Claudia's chapters, she's talked about, uh, I guess the chapter is "A Big Secret to Fulfill Your Desires", and she says,

• 30:14Speaker 00

  Quote, "We reach God much more easily through other people's ears." And I, I never really heard that before, and I thought that was interesting. Can you speak into that? What that means, "We reach God much more easily through other people's ears."

• 30:27James Altucher?

  Yeah, I think a lot of the times, people fight their problems alone. And, um, you know, and they keep their, their, their secrets buried. Uh, thinking that they could, that they're fine without, uh, dealing with that secret, or they're fine burying it. But, you know, you can't, you can't bury a secret. What happens is, you build a, a brick house around the secret. And then you, and then you move into that house.

• 30:56Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 30:56James Altucher?

  So, while everybody else is living in a much bigger, freer world. You're feeling nice and comfortable because, "Oh, it's no problem. I'm living in my nice brick house." Uh, "The secret's taken care of. No worries." You don't even realize there's this whole big free world outside there. Um, but often, you know, sharing with people who have been through similar experiences, or sharing with people you love and can relate to, and who have been through, you know, other experiences that they want to share. And, and coming at it with, with, again, with a sense of treating yourself gently. This is how you, uh, kind of free up your secret and kind of allow it to, to fly away. So you can live a deeper, more fulfilling, uh, life.

• 31:41James Altucher?

  And, and you do that again by, by sharing, you know, where, where, you know, we've always been, uh, uh, and from, from an evolutionary point of view, no, nobody has lived and survived by themselves. Or else you're, you never would have replicated your DNA. You know, we're all, we're all descended from people who shared and cooperated, uh, with each other. And the people who didn't cooperate and didn't share, their bloodlines died off. And we're not descended from them. So it's a very important thing to, to, to kind of share your, your, your, your, your, the deepest parts of yourself.

• 32:18Speaker 00

  Interesting. Now, I'm a big, uh...

• 32:22Speaker 00

  believer in team and coming from the athlete in sports back background. I know that I want to be able to create as such a powerful result or achieve my goal if I try to do it all alone. And just like you said, you know, we were descended of people who were a team who created something together. As opposed to just one person trying to create, you know, they want to be able to create us.

• 32:43Speaker 00

  And in one of the chapters, you talk about the know that brings true love, creativity and abundance. And you say you have the right to real and supportive love to soar in your creativity and fly into flying abundance. And you have got an exercise and I'm I'm such a believer in. You know, you are who you surround yourself with mentality and you are the the average of the five. People you surround yourself with the most type of mentality. And you talk about this, you say you talk about who's in your inner circle and you give an exercise for. Kind of how to rate people in your inner circle and how to. Navigate relationships because it's not just.

• 33:25Speaker 00

  It's I don't really believe in like, let's say, cutting people out of your life completely, and that's not what you recommend either. Uh, but what are some things people can do to first. Recognize who the people are in their life, if they're adding the value or if they're causing some type of pain. And what are some things that you can do to. Support yourself and moving forward with those relationships.

• 33:47James Altucher?

  Well, it's it's a very fascinating question because the answer I'm going to give. Might stretch a belief, but I will again say this has worked for me and I encourage people to try it. So when we think a thought, that thought was sort of. Made in this little factory in our brain called the prefrontal cortex. And that that's the part of our brain that makes thoughts and it's actually slower than the reflex part of our brain. So our brain, you know, we have neurons in our stomach, we have neurons in our hearts, we have neurons in our, obviously in our heads. But most people don't realize about the hearts and the stomach.

• 34:27James Altucher?

  But but Louis, you know from playing handball and sports that often your reflexes are acting much faster than your decision-making thoughts are acting.

• 34:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:37James Altucher?

  Like you you have to react to something, you know, and this this occurs in in every sport, but also in the extreme sports, sometimes to save your life, you have to react much faster than the decision-making part of your brain will will react. And so what I always do is I ask the question to myself, like I I verbalize in my head the question, is this person draining me or not draining me? Like, what do I feel comfortable around this person or not? And, you know, and then I don't I don't try to answer it because my my prefrontal cortex is good at asking the question, but it's very bad at answering it. Because the answer might be in my stomach, like, oh, I I have butterflies in my stomach

• 35:19James Altucher?

  around this person, or or maybe the answer might be in my heart, like, I feel like, oh, tightening in my chest when I'm around this person. So I wait and I wait for my body to tell me, am I feeling drained or am I feeling energized by being around this person and talking to this person and interacting with this person? And a hundred percent of the time, my body is gonna tell me something. Now, my, you know, it might be, I might feel being drained because I might be intimidated. So it might be my problem, or I might be being drained because this person's a draining or hateful person. It might be their problem. I don't know the answer. But I do know when my body says, hey, or when my brain, my overall brain, like from

• 36:03James Altucher?

  the gut, the heart, the head, when my overall brain is saying, hey, you're being drained by this person, my key is to step away. And, you know, there's no sense in engaging with people who are draining you because they'll just drain you more. Like, so you have to kind of take a step back and recover and you either figure out, is it me or do I just need to stay away from this person or engage as little as possible with this person as I can? So I'll give you an example. One time I had a job, I was just beginning a job. And I realized, you know, every time I was in the boss's office, I really felt like I was being drained, like something was happening that was making me feel really unpleasant.

• 36:47James Altucher?

  And I couldn't put my finger on it. And what was weird was, I went to lunch that day, and I actually fell to the ground. Like, this had never happened to me before. I just fell straight down, and nothing tripped me. I didn't fall over or anything, but I fell straight down and I kind of twisted my ankle a little bit. And so I didn't think about it. And then a week later, I was in a meeting with the boss and other people, and I was still getting that draining feeling. And I said, you know, um, "Excuse me, I've gotta go to the bathroom." So I, I, I left the, the conference room. I went to the elevator. I went down the elevator. I took a cab to the train station. I took a train seventy miles north to my house.

• 37:32James Altucher?

  And I never went back to that office or returned their phone calls or anything after that. Like, I left my jacket there. I left, for all I know, my name is still on the office door, uh, at that place. Like, I just never interacted with them again. Now, I don't necessarily recommend drop people for good, but I just, that was my solution at the time. Like, it was so draining to me, and it was actually hurting me physically. I needed to quit the job and just never go back. And I, I, you know, explaining is draining. So I never wanted to explain either why I was saying no. Like, I just needed to do this. And look, look, now, five years have passed, or four years have passed.

• 38:13James Altucher?

  They've survived. I've survived. There's been no, you know, horrible calamity that's happened. You can do things like that if somebody is draining you. And it doesn't mean they're hitting you over the head all the time, but something was happening bad to me, you know, mentally and physically, so I had to just get out of there.

• 38:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, and you know, there's a lot of, uh, you talk about this in a chapter of the assertive no, where society wants us to have yes, saying yes to a lot of different things. Um, yes to getting a job, or staying in a job for the pension. And being miserable for thirty years just to get one thing at the end. Uh, buying a home, getting married, getting an education, fighting. Fighting in wars against bad guys, respecting the government. You give these examples of what society wants us to say yes to. So what is, what does it mean uh to have the assertive no? And why is that valuable?

• 39:06James Altucher?

  Well, you know, a lot of times people like, like, let's say, Louis, you asked me to go on your podcast. And I didn't want to for whatever reason. A lot of times the incentive might be. Oh, Louis, I'm sorry. I can't. I um, I've gotta go away that day. It's really hard to schedule. Let me get back to you in a couple of months. Like, a lot of times people feel like they have to explain things. Or, or, or lie, you know, which is worse. Like, oh, Louis, I can't. I, I broke my leg. I'm in the hospital. I can't do a podcast that day. So, a, a, a lot of times people, you know, just, just, they either explain or they lie. But you know, you can't lie like that.

• 39:45Speaker 00

  And why is that? Why is that? Is it just because they don't want to hurt a person's feelings or they want them to feel bad or?

• 39:50James Altucher?

  They don't want to hurt the person's feelings, but, but you know, the other person, their feelings are gonna be hurt. It, it, first off, they're gonna be upset that you're saying no to them anyway, no matter what your explanation is. Second off, if they realize you're lying, which, people know when you're lying. Like, it's not, it doesn't take a brain scientist to realize when someone's blowing you off in a negative way. Like, their feelings are gonna be hurt anyway. But people are so afraid to do that, that you know, they just can't say no. So often, like, you know, sometimes people ask me to go on podcasts. And I, I just say, no, I can't do it. Or I don't respond at all. Like, I don't necessarily owe an explanation to everybody either.

• 40:29James Altucher?

  So, and that's, you know, your right, uh, is to say no. You, you don't, they, they don't have a right to an explanation because it's your life. Uh, now, you know, it's slightly different. If Claudia asks me, hey, can you um, help me with the groceries? I'm not gonna say no without giving an explanation. Right. But uh, you know, but that's, that's different. Like, I wouldn't want to say, uh, i- if I start giving her an assertive no every time she brought in the groceries, she should say no to me about being married to me. Like, you know, things go around and come around. But uh, a- again, you know, people need to start practicing how they can conserve energy.

• 41:10James Altucher?

  You know, I- I'll, I'll give you an example, and this comes from, um, this is gonna sound like I'm, I'm name dropping, but I was hanging out with the rapper Ice-T. You know who Ice-T is? Yeah. So, so I was telling him about my new book, Power of No. And he's like, uh, I'll, I'll tell you a story. So he said, I got a story for you. Uh, when I was first getting success as a rapper, suddenly, I was getting all these stomach problems. So, I didn't know what it was. I went to a gastroenterologist, and the gastroenterologist said, you know, Ice-T, I, I actually don't know if this doctor said, called him Ice-T or not. But the, the gastroenterologist said, Ice-T, I, I, I know exactly what's wrong with you. Here's the prescription.

• 41:55James Altucher?

  And he slid a piece of paper over to Ice-T, and Ice-T said, the piece of paper just said one word on it, no. And the gastroenterologist said, there is nothing wrong with you. You're just saying yes to too many people. And what ha- was happening was, he suddenly started say, you know, Ice was saying yes to all his friends. Like, uh, oh, you need to get picked up at the airport? Okay, I'll pick you up at the airport. You need some money? Okay, I'll give you some money. And what happens when you say yes? Is that you start inheriting other people's problems. So Louis, let's say, you ask me, James, can I pick, can you pick me up at the airport? And if I say yes to you, which I might, like, I have no problem picking you up at the airport, Louis, but let's say, let's say I say yes to you, that's fine, but I have to be aware

• 42:40James Altucher?

  that I'm inheriting your problems. Suddenly, I have to find the car. You don't have to find the car. Suddenly, I have to be aware of when you're going to land. You don't have to be aware of when you're gonna land, cuz I'm gonna be there when you land. Suddenly, I have to be aware of where your baggage claim is. So, this is a very, very simple example. It sounds almost innocuous, but I've all of a sudden inherited all these problems. Now- Imagine if you start saying yes to everybody, you're inheriting huge amounts of problems of other that other people have that you never had to begin with. So that's the danger of yes. That's why it's really important to say that assertive no. Or else you're gonna lose energy, you're gonna inherit other people's problems.

• 43:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:24James Altucher?

  And, you know, it's gonna affect you physically, it's gonna affect your health, you'll, you'll live an unhappier life.

• 43:29Speaker 00

  Definitely will, and a friend of mine, I don't know if you're, uh, know Marie Forleo as well, but she's been a friend for a number of years. And she is like literally the queen of this. Uh, and she talks about this constantly. She says, I say basically an assertive no almost ninety-nine percent of the time to people. Even if it's like her good friends, but it's like, and, and specifically in business. She's like, she won't do interviews, she won't do any type of joint ventures. She just says it like always, whenever she does that, it just takes over her body in a way that doesn't feel good. And she feels like she's overwhelmed, she feels like she's doing too much, she's taking on too much, and she can't get it all done, what she wants to do.

• 44:07James Altucher?

  Yeah, and, and, and notice she says it takes over her body. Because again, people don't realize this, but your brain extends from, you know, the, the base of your digestive system through your heart, through your nervous system, all the way up to your head. You have neurons and neurochemicals and neurotransmitters and synapses all through your nervous system in your head. And so that's why when people get, you know, they get, again, they get butterflies in their stomach, or they get sick to their stomach when something bad happens. Or they feel their heart close off when, when something bad happens to their friend or their loved ones. So, so she feels it in her body and she's paying attention to that. And, you know, I think Marie's built up a great business because of her ability to say no. And only because of her ability to say no.

• 44:52James Altucher?

  Like that gives you the energy and the time to build your business.

• 44:56Speaker 00

  Yes, exactly. And tell me about the no complaint diet. Claudia gave, uh, an example of a workshop she attended, uh, where she had, uh, where they had her, her and the rest of the attendees wear a rubber band. And my assistant Sarah actually did this exercise and saw incredible results in one week. So can you explain what this is and, and how it's effective?

• 45:22James Altucher?

  Yeah, like, uh, you know, let's say, um,

• 45:26James Altucher?

  You know, let's say my book, The Power of No, doesn't rank as high as I want. And it's because I think maybe Barnes and Noble didn't place it the right way. I might think to my, in my head, ugh, Barnes and Noble, why'd they do it this way? And I'm complaining, but there's absolutely no positive outcome out of this. I've just wasted five seconds of my life complaining. And it's really important because like, people say, "Time is money." But if I drop a hundred dollar bill on the ground, okay, that's a horrible thing. But I know I'm gonna make that hundred dollars back eventually. You know, even if I have to work twenty hours in a McDonald's, I'm gonna make that hundred dollars back. But if I waste five minutes of my life,

• 46:10James Altucher?

  I am never, ever, from here until the end of eternity, gonna make that five minutes back. That five minutes is gone forever. And so complaining adds up to five minutes, ten minutes, hours, years. So, really important to practice catching yourself again. Like, you're not gonna be able to be perfect at it, like, it's just a practice, like anything else. Practice when you find yourself complaining, like, oh, my, you know, daughter is late. I'm complaining about, about her. I, you know, there's actions I can take to help her improve her lateness. That's much better than just complaining about it. So I should, we have, we have this idea, hit yourself, you know, the way you notice it,

• 46:53James Altucher?

  is hit yourself with a rubber band. And you'll really start to notice fast, when you're complaining a lot, because it'll hurt. And, and again, this is such a great thing because you're actually gonna save time. You're actually gonna add years to your life. And I'm not even exaggerating, you will add years to your life. And not only that, complaining compounds, because there's an opportunity cost to it. Instead of complaining, I could have been doing something proactive about, you know, I could talk to somebody at Barnes and Noble, or I could talk to my daughter, or I could, you know, do something that's more proactive, instead of just complaining. So, so, by doing less complaining, you actually could be doing things that, that create abundance in your life, and make your life...

• 47:36James Altucher?

  More worth living, so it's a very valuable exercise and it's again worked very well for me.

• 47:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think it's extremely powerful. Again, it's it's it goes back. I think it could also be something that you do when you're giving yourself negative chatter. You like if every time you catch yourself like saying something negative about yourself or putting yourself down, you could also do the same thing and it's like complaining in a sense and just use the rubber band uh exercise and slap your wrist with it.

• 48:03James Altucher?

  So true.

• 48:04Speaker 00

  And uh you'll you know, hopefully you'll as opposed and then once you do the you could also if you hear yourself or recognize that you're doing negative chatter, you could slap the rubber band against your wrist and then give yourself the exercise to say something positive about yourself or what you love about yourself as a reminder and kind of start going leading from that place as opposed to leading from a negative chatter place. And um it's interesting, my Sarah, she she was doing it for a couple of days. She was like, wow, this is actually working on being less, you know, uh complaining. She was complaining about the LA traffic and something else and she was like, I was just starting to become more grateful. And uh she actually switched rubber bands into a a bigger like more painful flicking one, I guess.

• 48:47Speaker 00

  Like after a couple of days and she started complaining even less, so.

• 48:52James Altucher?

  That's funny. Yeah, and you know, and look, traffic is a great one because when I'm stuck in traffic, sometimes I feel myself complaining, but then I start thinking to myself, wow, this is one of the few times I get to really just listen to music nonstop uninterrupted for like a long period of time. So so you know, I'm I'm suddenly abundant in cars around me and that prevents me from getting to whatever annoying thing I was going to. And I get to just sit here and listen to music and listen to comedy because you know, I listen to the comedy channel on Sirius and this is this is great. So you you find ways to again be, you know, to live more gently with yourself.

• 49:34Speaker 00

  Right, interesting. Now.

• 49:37Speaker 00

  I don't know if you can, you know, if you remember all of these, I'm trying to figure out the page that's on. I have the notes written down here. We talk about the seven noes, that there are seven noes. But can you explain the different levels of noes? I mean, isn't a no a no? Or are there different levels of noes?

• 49:54James Altucher?

  No, a no is that a no? So, so, you know, really, we, we kind of don't explicitly say this in the book. And this was, um, and you know, Claudia is a yoga instructor and sort of, so, so works with the uh, chakras of the body, but those are all metaphors for different aspects of our life. And, um, you know, the first no, you know, the kind of the lowest level chakra that yoga deals with is, you know, just your physical survival. So like, you know, say no to anything that's gonna kill you, whether it's, you know, uh, somebody shooting a gun at you, or, or thoughts of suicide, or, uh, you know, somebody preventing you from eating, you know, you have a right to, to live and survive.

• 50:39James Altucher?

  And you know, and that kind of goes up for, through, you know, you have the, the, the right to, uh, choose your own stories that you're going to believe in, as opposed to what society tells you to believe in. You have your own, um, you, you have the right to be silent and not kind of, uh, gossip about people, or complain, or blame, or whatever. And finally, you know, the, the top level, so, so I'm kind of skipping through the seven, but the top level is, you know, you have the right to silence. So ultimately, um, you know, really eliminating the negative chatter, negative thoughts, finding the, the pleasures of just being silent in life, you know, and, and if you think about it,

• 51:23James Altucher?

  think about the moments, uh, this is just kind of a quick exercise for, for your listeners. Think about those moments when you've been happiest in life, and think about those moments when you've been most anxious in life. And one thing I noticed for myself, when I'm most anxious in life, I'm constantly thinking. And there's, my brain is like on overdrive, and I'm like thinking and thinking and thinking. And when I'm happiest in life, it usually doesn't mean like I'm having like a party. It usually means I'm just really calm and looking at a sunset or relaxing, and I'm, I'm usually not thinking about a lot of things. So, you know, that, people have-

• 52:02James Altucher?

  You know, the right to silence and to say no to, you know, all the external noises and thoughts. And that's kind of more at a spiritual level. So again, it goes through physical, emotional, mental and creative to spiritual grateful. And there's kind of a, you know, seven chakras or levels along the way.

• 52:24Speaker 00

  Sure. You know, the more I question, ask you questions about this book and, you know, going over it again. I really, I've got, I've got a bunch of more questions, but I'm gonna narrow it down to about three more, just because we're almost at an hour here. But I really want to encourage people to go get this book. It's called The Power of No. And where, until, you know, just before I finish the podcast, I've got a few questions. Where can people go get this? Because I'm still, you know, I have tons of questions still. There's lots of great exercises. This has been valuable, just re, you know, going over it with you. But where can people find this online or bookstores or what's the best place?

• 53:00James Altucher?

  Sure. So because this went through a traditional publisher, you can not only find it on amazon.com, but also bn.com, you know, barnesandnoble.com. And in any bookstore. So like, if you pretty much go into any Barnes and Noble, it'll be there. And I hope there's other bookstores it's at. I don't know the full list that the publisher sent to, but I hope they sent to a lot. I know they sent to a lot of Barnes and Nobles. They sent, they sent me that list.

• 53:24Speaker 00

  Nice.

• 53:24James Altucher?

  And I'm sure they sent to other bookstores as well.

• 53:27Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 53:27James Altucher?

  So you can really, we've been actually challenging, we're gonna make a collage. Everybody's taking pictures of where Barnes and Nobles, they see it in. And we've been collecting those pictures and, and put yourself in them, like make a selfie. And we're making a collage out of that just for fun.

• 53:44Speaker 00

  I love it. Yeah, I mean, this is a powerful book that I'm gonna wanna go back to often. So make sure to grab a couple of copies and give one to a friend who you think might be needing some improvement in their life. Or then someone who's like constantly negative about themselves or says, is overwhelmed constantly. Give them this book because it's really to support them again. In a couple of days, I already saw this like shift. And Sarah, my assistant, who, you know, fell in love with this book and the exercises. Just started applying. They're all very simple. It's not like this crazy, hard to do things. It's very simple things you can do every day. Once something isn't working for you. So make sure to check this out. A couple of questions left and then we'll let you get back to saying no to other people on the podcast.

• 54:29Speaker 00

  I'm not going to go over this whole, you talk about nine step, a nine step guide to getting unstuck. I think this section for people is going to be really powerful and I don't want to go over all nine steps. I want to talk about one step. But for this, this, you know, five pages alone is worth getting the book. So if you ever feel like you're stuck in your life, like you can't figure out how to get out of your job, or you don't know how to get out of a relationship, or you're not making the money you want, or your health has been the same way for years and you can't get unstuck. This section right here is worth getting the book. But at one of the steps, you say, write a things I did list at the end of the day.

• 55:09Speaker 00

  And can you talk about why you create a things I did list as opposed to a thing, a to do list? I thought that was interesting.

• 55:17James Altucher?

  Yeah, it, you know, for me, you know, when you do a to do list, uh, it's like, oh my, I, let's say I do a to do list at seven in the morning or eight in the morning. I'm like, oh my God, I've got, I've got to get all of these things done. And you know, to do lists could get infinitely big as I'm sure you and, and, and everybody knows. Like when I start making a to do list, I'm filling it in with like, oh, but if I call this person, I have to call this person. And then I've got to write this and send this email and do this and do that. And you know, all of those things are great if you do them. But it turns out it doesn't really matter that much if you only do a portion of them. And so what I've stopped doing is I, I've started being creative in the morning and just focusing on my own creativity in the morning.

• 56:00James Altucher?

  Because that's when I feel my brain is sort of closest to the, the dream world. And it turns out, you know, there's, I just read this the other day, actually, there's MRI, MRI studies show that. Uh, you know, people actually, even after they're awake, they still have those alpha waves from being asleep. So there really is kind of this connection between creativity uh, and the early morning hours. So I don't wanna do the to-do list in the morning 'cause I feel it'll just make me stressed out and ruin my day and ruin my creativity. But what I found was amazing was even if I didn't do a to-do list, if I did an I did list at the end of the day, and I'm not even like an enormously productive person, but if I did an I did list at the end of the day, I'm like, oh my gosh, I did all of that today?

• 56:45James Altucher?

  Like, and it'll be ten times bigger than any to-do list I could have possibly imagined. And, you know, it gives me such pleasure to realize, wow, I did a lot of stuff today. It might not have had anything to do with what I originally planned on doing, but I really got a lot done. And, you know, sometimes I, even on the, even on the days where I took naps in the middle of the day, I still got a lot done. And, uh, you know, I just, I just love doing an I did list because it makes me feel good and a to-do list makes me feel stressed.

• 57:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 57:16James Altucher?

  So, of course, I'm gonna do the thing that makes me feel good.

• 57:19Speaker 00

  I think it's a great, uh, partner with gratitude at the end of the night as well. Again, create the I did list first, and then you can think of ways, oh, I'm really grateful for this that I did, and I'm really grateful for that that I did, and, you know, whatever it may be, they could work together, I think, so, very cool.

• 57:35James Altucher?

  You know, so, so, sometimes if you just do three things, look at your sent mailbox and look at all the emails you sent that day, look at your, um, outgoing phone calls, you know, or your phone call list, uh, and see the phone calls you made, and then look at anything you, you've written or, um, you know, shared for the day. You know, Austin Kleon, in his book, uh, Show Your Work, he says, "Share once a day." So look at the things that you've shared, uh, that day. If you just do those three things, uh, and kind of combine them into a list, it, it always turns out to be an amazing list.

• 58:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, I like that a lot, very cool.

• 58:11James Altucher?

  Yeah, try it today, Louis. I want, I wanna hear what, what happened. Try that today.

• 58:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, I will, I will. Um...

• 58:18Speaker 00

  All right, let's go into, I've got a few more questions, but what I'm gonna do is go into one last question.

• 58:24Speaker 00

  Which is something that I think, I've been learning a lot about emotional intelligence in the last year and just studying it a lot and doing a lot of workshops and exercises myself on it to really understand myself. And you talk about in one section of the book that you'd rather be healthy than right. And what difference has this made in your life and relationships? Rather being healthy than right?

• 58:48James Altucher?

  Uh, this is such a great question because you know, so many people wake up and they're, and they're ready to argue, you know, like, so a typical argument right now, you know, is Israel and Palestine, like, there's so many different arguments about who's right, who's wrong. Um, you know, and I'm not gonna have an opinion on it because it's, it's not relevant, but, uh, I mean, it's not relevant to what we're discussing. It's obviously relevant to people getting killed over there, but it's not relevant to this discussion. Now, you and I could decide to argue about it, but we're not gonna change anything. We're not gonna change anything happening in Israel and Palestine, and we're not gonna even change each other's opinions.

• 59:31James Altucher?

  Like, if you had an opinion on Israel and Palestine, I'm certainly not going to change it. And if you have an opinion and I had a strong opinion, you're not gonna change my opinion. So the only outcome that will happen is that you're gonna become one of them and I'm gonna become one of the other them. Like, we're gonna be, you know, assuming we had different opinions, if we did. Uh, it's gonna be an us versus them situation and will affect our relationship. So I'll give another example. So a very common political stance, like, this is, this makes and breaks friendships and relationships is pro-choice versus pro-life. So I'm, I'm pro-choice, but clearly, you know, it's better if, you know, obviously, anybody should do it.

• 1:00:13James Altucher?

  A woman has a right to do whatever she wants with her body, I think. But, uh, at the same time, I prefer if people have children, like, you know, I like kids and, you know, my, my business partner is extremely pro-life, like, he's a, a conservative Catholic. His, uh, wife, who is one of the kindest people I know, um, serves on whatever committee or charity for pro-life that, that she can, and You know, and he gives me his reasons, um, and I'm just not gonna argue with him. Like, this is his, he's, he's a great business partner. He's an extremely good friend. He's been there in the trenches with me, like, really helping me in difficult situations.

• 1:00:57James Altucher?

  And he happens to be pro-life. Uh, there would be, it would be so pointless for me to argue with him. Because I'm, I, I will, you know, he's religious, so I'm never gonna change his mind. And it's just gonna affect our friendship and our business relationship. So, so, and I, I talk to him three times a day about our business stuff and, and friend, other friendship stuff. And, you know, and again, you know, I can't argue with him that, look, okay, it's, you know, it's good for little babies to be born. And he's not gonna argue with me, really. He's not gonna say, no, a woman doesn't have the right to do what she wants with her body. Like, we, there's just, most opinions are sort of like that, where people kinda argue just to argue, even though nothing will change.

• 1:01:41James Altucher?

  And so, by, by not arguing, I stay healthy, I keep my friendships alive, I actually have stronger business relationships. Uh, and, you know, I, I just gave you two things, which I'm sure listeners are gonna think, well, of course, he should, you know, have this opinion or that opinion. But, it never, I've never seen anyone say, you know what? You're right, I'm totally gonna change this of you that I've had my entire life, and just agree with whatever you say. I've never seen anyone say that. I've only seen relationships get hurt. Uh, and so, I, I just, I, in general, just don't have opinions, cuz it's not worth it.

• 1:02:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I think, um, you know, kinda going along with what you're talking about here. I've, I feel like a lot of people have the right disease, where they, they die early, because they're right, they need to be right.

• 1:02:31James Altucher?

  That's a good way to put it.

• 1:02:33Speaker 00

  Their need to be right controls everything about their body and their health. Do they literally ha- create cancer for themselves, create like? War within themselves or or or you know, a lot of stress in relationships. And then they you hear about people who died at forty years old with a heart attack or whatever. And I feel like it's because they need they need to be right. They need to be in that control.

• 1:02:53James Altucher?

  You know, a along those lines, an exercise that I do for myself is I treat. So a lot of people say, live life as if it's your last day, but I do the reverse. I live life as if today, Louis, was your last day. So if to if I knew and you didn't that today was Louis How's last day. And I don't mean to be morbid, Louis, but this is just an exercise.

• 1:03:18Speaker 00

  Of course.

• 1:03:18James Altucher?

  If I knew that this was your last day, then who cares what your opinion is? I'm going to treat you with the highest level of care and respect because it's your last day, Louis. You should be treated well on your last day. And so that's how I treat other people and it's a good exercise. Right before I start arguing with anyone on their opinions, it's a good exercise for me to do to think to myself, you know, this might be his last day, would I really want to argue with him if it's his last day? And, you know, that's again, it's a better way for me to live to live my life.

• 1:03:51Speaker 00

  Sure, and this this was gonna actually be my next question because I thought that was the most powerful thing in the whole book was you know, shifting your mindset and your energy whenever you want to be upset or argue with someone or whatever may be. Um, or get pissed off at someone who's driving or anything is imagine it their last day. And this is something that I just learned from from you in this book. And I think it's so powerful because literally we're not guaranteed tomorrow. The only thing we're guaranteed is right now, so it may be it may be any of our last days.

• 1:04:21James Altucher?

  It it may be any of our last seconds, like every single thing you and every one of your listeners and me, every single thing we do today is something that somebody was doing the second they died.

• 1:04:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:35James Altucher?

  So so I'm sure and out of all the millions of podcasts out there, somebody died while doing a podcast. So it could it could happen, you know, you know, that you you never know with anything. And and I I mean, just this morning, I heard about two different friends of mine who uh who died. And you just never know, like.

• 1:04:57James Altucher?

  And again, you can say life is short, but life is short and long, but I can always act as if I'm gonna care about somebody as if any second could be their last, yeah.

• 1:05:07Speaker 00

  I think that's such a powerful message. And if, what would life be like? If we always treated other people like as their last, the last conversation you're gonna have with them? And they were never gonna be around anymore. And I just think that that's a great rule to live by. And a great example to live by, so I appreciate you for bringing that to my forefront, cuz I always try to live my life like it's my last day, you know, like it's like it's the last moment for me, I'm always trying to live that way. Give myself fully, be as passionate as I can, go after all my dreams now as opposed to waiting, you know, all those things that you kind of hear about. But I never thought about it that way, that what if it's someone else's last day? So I acknowledge you for

• 1:05:51Speaker 00

  you know, creating that awareness in me and I'm definitely gonna bring that to my relationships.

• 1:05:55James Altucher?

  You know, it happened to me in a very kind of visceral way in that I was having a bad time and I spoke to my dad and mom on the phone and I had an argument with them. And they were wrong and I was right, so I had very, lots of opinions, blah, blah, blah. And I hung up the phone cuz I was just, I can't deal with this right now, I had to deal with my own stuff. And my father would try to get in touch over the next, you know, six months. And I'm just like, no, I can't. I'm not gonna deal with this, I can't believe they were acting this way. And, you know, of course, that when I hung up on him, that was my very last conversation with him because then he died.

• 1:06:37James Altucher?

  So, you know, it really is important to, you know, it's an important thing.

• 1:06:45Speaker 00

  Final question, James, and before I get into that question, I just want to remind everyone again, go check out the book, The Power of No, because one little word can bring you health, abundance, and happiness. James Altucher and Claudia Altucher, James's wife, did an incredible job on this book, I highly recommend it. And if it can keep someone who can't read that well entertained and wanting more, then it can definitely, you know, keep anyone who likes to read entertained and educated, so. Make sure to check it out, Amazon, Barnes & Noble. Pretty much any bookstore, you can probably order it. Check out James on Facebook, jamesaltucher.com. I'll have all the show notes linked over at my site as well.

• 1:07:29Speaker 00

  Um, and I really want to, before I ask you the final question, I really want to acknowledge you for a few things, James. One, for the friendship that we've created, even though we've only hung out in person a handful of times, but just the connection I feel like we've been able to create.

• 1:07:46James Altucher?

  Yes.

• 1:07:46Speaker 00

  Because you've caused this, um, through just our podcast, the podcast that we've done together. And through our email connection and our text messages, I really acknowledge you for the human being that you have, have been in our relationship.

• 1:08:01James Altucher?

  Thanks, Loz. And the sentiment is reflected here as well.

• 1:08:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, I appreciate it. And I really acknowledge you for, um, the gift you are in the world. Um, you know, no joke here. This is like, something I want to acknowledge you for is that how meaningful your words are to people and the difference you make by creating uh, information and sharing your information with the world. You're literally changing lives. You're literally a stand for people, even if, whether you believe it or not. It's so powerful to see the reactions and the comments of people when you post, you know, a couple of sentences on Facebook. I see people shifting their energy over the internet from ways they were being before to ways they're being now and in the future

• 1:08:44Speaker 00

  because of what you create and the stand you have for people in the world. And you write in such an entertaining and sometimes humorous and self-deprecating way that people can relate to it and take action on it. So I acknowledge you for the huge gift you are to the world. And I'm so, uh, excited for what you'll be creating in the future.

• 1:09:03James Altucher?

  I, I really appreciate that, that, that coming from you, that means a huge amount because I also know what, you know, what you've gone through and have been going through and, uh, uh, it means a lot to me. Thanks.

• 1:09:13Speaker 00

  My, my pleasure. Yeah. So the final question, which I've, uh, asked you before on the podcast and what's, it's what I ask everyone, but I figure I'll circle back around and see if it's changed for you or if it's evolved since you've written a new book. And that is, what is your definition of greatness?

• 1:09:30James Altucher?

  You know, I think the definition of greatness, and I'm gonna change the word a little bit. Let's call it the definition of success. I think if today is successful, then that's the definition of success for anybody. Because, goals don't really make sense. Like, everybody's like, "Oh, I don't have a goal, or I don't know what my purpose in life is." And, you know, they're really... People change goals, or people change purposes all the time. They change careers, they change, you know, where they think they should be five years from now, or 10 years from now, or one month from now. So, the only thing you really have even a tiny bit of control over, if any, is today. So, if you have a successful today, that's greatness.

• 1:10:15James Altucher?

  Because, that's your best indicator that tomorrow is going to be a success as well. That might be the only indicator. So, I try very hard, and this dates back to what I wrote about in Choose Yourself, and what I wrote about on my blog. If I'm... If I have a successful day physically, emotionally, meaning I'm around people who I love and respect, and who love and respect me, if I have a good day creatively, and if I am grateful throughout the day, instead of angry or complaining, that's a successful day for me, and that equals success.

• 1:10:49Speaker 00

  Hmm. I love it. James, thanks so much for coming on the show, and I can't wait to have you back on many more times in the future.

• 1:10:56James Altucher?

  Yeah, thanks, Lewis. I really appreciate it. Thank you.

• 1:11:11Speaker 00

  And there you have it, guys. I hope you enjoyed this in-depth interview with my good friend, James Altucher. Make sure to check out the show notes over at lewishouse.com/79. That's lewishouse.com/79 to get the links for the book, and all the other stuff we talked about in the show notes today, for this episode. Again, James is an incredible human being. If you're not following him on Facebook, please follow him, because every day he writes a little piece of content that is just like... Like a gem. If you just want to learn how to become a better writer and an effective writer and captivate an audience, read his posts just for that purpose. But they've always got great insights and useful information to support you in achieving what you want

• 1:11:54Speaker 00

  in your business and your life. So check it out, James Altucher. And back at the show notes, LewisHowes.com/79. I am so pumped for this episode and for all the episodes we have coming in the future. If you haven't yet subscribed on iTunes, please subscribe and download all the episodes. It's really going to support the rankings on iTunes to get the message out there. And if you could, feel free to share this over on Facebook, on Twitter, Google Plus, and post a picture on Instagram of where you're listening to this episode. And let James know over on Twitter as well that you liked it, what you most liked about this, what you got out about it. And leave a comment over on the show

• 1:12:34Speaker 00

  notes, LewisHowes.com/79. Super pumped for this episode and for what's to come. I appreciate you guys so much for listening. I hope this gives you some weekly inspiration whenever you get to listen to a new episode and download the episodes. It's my goal that it really supports you in the growth for your business, for your life, for your relationships, and your health. That's my mission, and I hope I'm able to fill it by bringing on these incredible guests for you each and every week. So, thanks so much for all you guys do. It means a lot to me, and I can't wait to see you guys on the next episode coming soon. You know what time it is today? It's time to go out there and do something great.