358 The Key to Self Mastery with Don Miguel Ruiz Jr

"Your no is just as powerful as your yes." - Don Miguel Ruiz Jr If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes, video, and more at http://lewishowes.com/358 Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  This is episode number 358 with Don Miguel Ruiz Jr.

• 0:07Speaker 00

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:33Speaker 00

  Welcome everyone to the School of Greatness podcast. Very excited about our guest. Had an incredible time connecting with Don Miguel Ruiz. And for those that don't know who Don Miguel is, he is a Toltec master of transformation. He is a direct descendant of the Toltics of the Eagle Knight lineage and the son of Don Miguel Ruiz, the author of The Four Agreements. And by combining the wisdom of his family's traditions with the knowledge gained from his own personal journey, he now helps others realize their own path to personal freedom. And in this interview, we talk about The Mastery of Self, his new book on how to really transform your life to achieve your dreams.

• 1:15Speaker 00

  And I loved the book. I loved the interview with Don Miguel because a lot of ways, he talks about some of the things that I talk about in my book, The School of Greatness, but with a different approach, with a different angle. And we cover some key components of the making of a master and how to make yourself a master of your life. We also talk about unconditional love for yourself and unconditional love for others. We talk about how to recognize when we're wearing different masks and what other masks people wear as well when they're in fear and how to combat that. We talk about goal setting and the difference between comparison and competition and so much more.

• 1:55Speaker 00

  I truly enjoyed connecting with Don Miguel Ruiz Jr. And I hope you guys enjoy this interview as much as I did. So without further ado, let me introduce to you the one, the only Don Miguel Ruiz Jr.

• 2:12Lewis Howes?

  All right, welcome everyone back to School of Greatness Podcast. Very excited we've got Don Miguel Ruiz Jr. in the house. Good to see you, man.

• 2:19Speaker 02

  Thank you so much.

• 2:20Lewis Howes?

  And we'll call you Miguel for the rest of his time to make it easy. You're the author of the new book called The Mastery of Self, a Tulteche Guide to Personal Freedom. So make sure you guys go pick up this book right now. Your father is the legendary author of The Four Agreements, which you should go pick up as well. You have this on your store, on your website with the other books also. So I'm excited about this, man. I'm excited going through this, talking about goal-setting, the masks we live in and all these other things you talk about in here. So I'm excited to dive in about this book. And I'm curious about your life first.

• 2:52Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 2:53Lewis Howes?

  Because you grew up in the US.

• 2:55Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 2:56Lewis Howes?

  Your father grew up in Mexico and he was the son of 13.

• 3:02Speaker 02

  He is the 13 of 13.

• 3:04Lewis Howes?

  13, 13th of 13, yeah. And you're the middle child of three.

• 3:07Speaker 02

  I'm the oldest.

• 3:08Lewis Howes?

  Oldest of three.

• 3:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, Jose is the middle one.

• 3:10Lewis Howes?

  So he was the youngest, you're the oldest. What was it like growing up in the US with your dad and him doing the work he was doing?

• 3:18Speaker 02

  Well, it was fun. You know, you can say that I'm a border town boy because I kept going back and forth between Tijuana and San Diego. I'm one of those rare situations where I lived in the United States. I lived in this little town called Chula Vista and National City. Basically, they seem kind of similar nowadays. And unlike most people who cross the border to go to school in the States, I actually crossed the border to go to school in Tijuana.

• 3:41Lewis Howes?

  Really? So you lived in the US and went to Mexican school in Mexico?

• 3:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, basically, mostly because my father wanted me to have a certain type of education. Because at the time, you know, schools are schools, but certain neighborhoods are different. So if I didn't go, I'd probably talk him more like this.

• 3:59Speaker 02

  So, but I went to Tijuana. I started, I studied in the International Baccalaureate in a school called Lázaro Cárdenas. And it was a very high level of education. And then I did my last year of school here in the States. So for me.

• 4:14Lewis Howes?

  Of high school?

• 4:14Speaker 02

  Of high school, yes. So for me, it's all about dualities. Yeah, I just grew up with a father who was a medical surgeon and a grandmother who's a faith healer. I grew up in surrounded by Mexico and the States and with spirituality and academics. So it's always dualities.

• 4:30Lewis Howes?

  It's fascinating that, you know, parents, you would think that would want to send them to a great like US school. But they sent you to a school in Mexico. It's like flipped almost.

• 4:39Speaker 02

  Well, the situation was that at the time, you know, where we were at, you know, it was it was the neighborhood that I was in. You know, and my father always believed that in at that time, that the school, elementary school, the schools where he was sending me to were slightly better.

• 4:55Lewis Howes?

  In Mexico?

• 4:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:56Lewis Howes?

  Than the US?

• 4:56Speaker 02

  I was doing calculus in 10th grade.

• 4:58Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 4:59Speaker 02

  And basically, but universities are still better in the United States.

• 5:03Lewis Howes?

  Gotcha.

• 5:04Speaker 02

  So basically, I transferred from Tijuana to Bonita Vista High School in Chula Vista.

• 5:10Lewis Howes?

  Your senior year.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  For my senior year. And then I went to University of California, San Diego, which you can say that's the real education at that point, you know, UCSD. And that's where you can say that my formation of my my thought process, along with international baccalaureate in Tijuana, really shaped the way I perceive things, you know, especially a little class called Theory of Knowledge. That really shaped my perception of of life and academics. And then mixing it with spirituality kind of like created this nice little mesh for me.

• 5:41Lewis Howes?

  Right, interesting. Now, what was your dream growing up?

• 5:45Speaker 02

  Growing, growing up, I enjoy, my dream was to create film.

• 5:50Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 5:50Speaker 02

  I, I, I wanted to be in the film industry and I was actually, I studied film at the UCSD. And then when I graduated in 1999, I came here to Los Angeles and I was a production assistant. I drove around towns, worked on projects, films. I did a camera loader assistant for production design, set design. Well, assistants, of course, I was, I never really got to that point of being the director. But I, I worked as the, at the entry level of those positions and I enjoyed it. I had a lot of fun. And then I asked myself, what do I want my thirties to look like? And at that point. Is it all in your twenties? This is all my twenties. And in my thirty, uh, twenty eight, twenty nine, I asked the question, what do I want? I want, do I want my thirties to look like? Yeah.

• 6:34Speaker 02

  And I wanted to be a father and the kind of father that was around. Mind you, I'm a fa- I'm a son of a neurosurgeon, which in a, which means I hardly saw my family. My mom was a dentist, my father's a doctor, so kinda wanted to be around my, my kids when I grew up. So I shifted and it's around that time that the, my family's teachings kinda resonated with me. And I became, I started able to translate it and put into words. In your thirties? In my thirties, early thirties, yeah. And. So it didn't resonate with you before this? No, cause I rebelled against it. So it's, it's almost natural. My dad rebelled against it, my grandmother rebelled against the tradition. And then something happens in life that shifts us, you know, with my ma, my grandma was a ailment.

• 7:16Speaker 02

  My father was a car accident for me was a, a breakup. And what, what happens when you have a breakup, or you can say the broken heart is that all of a sudden the illusion breaks? And you become aware of that, that illusion that you thought you were doesn't exist. And you can say that's when I began to understand all my family's traditions. You know, that mask that I put on, I really believed it for all those years. What was the mask? Oh, Miguel Ruiz Junior, you know, the, the goth kid, the artist, the, the son of the, the Nawaal and all that kinda thing. It was so trying to live up to this image that doesn't exist.

• 7:51Speaker 02

  And then when I became aware that it was just an illusion, it became, it be, all my grand, my dad's teachings, all my grandmother's teachings became relevant in my life. And I was able to put into my own words. And all of a sudden I decided to start teaching. And because I started teaching, not their words, not verbatim, no nothing, it was my own experience. And that's when all of a sudden, everything just clicked as, as my rebellion ended at that moment. Because I understood it. I understood the concepts. So because when I was growing up, you know, you grow up in a family that is spiritual, or at least has a strong lineage. And when you're a teenager.

• 8:31Speaker 02

  It feels like it belongs in a museum or a textbook, you know, what does that have to do with me? And even though I engage because I love my grandmother, I love my father, of course, I'm gonna engage the tradition and I know how to do it. Because, but because I know how to do it, I also know all the loopholes, all the stuff that goes around it and all the ego. And then little by little, that ego blows, blows, blows, blows, and then it just.

• 8:55Lewis Howes?

  What do you mean the ego surrounding what specifically?

• 8:57Speaker 02

  The image that I had about myself.

• 9:00Lewis Howes?

  Got you.

• 9:00Speaker 02

  Basically, the ego, the function of ego is to keep the illusion alive. That's the function of ego. And if you live up to this image, then you're worthy of love. And if you don't live up to that image, then you're worthy of the rejection, the punishment. And the function of ego is to not receive that punishment, not to receive it, to keep that illusion alive, like Don Quijote coming up with a story that allowed him to continue to believe that those are giants instead of windmills. So you can say that burst for me, that I saw myself as I really am. And I began this process. I, all of a sudden, I understood my father's book, The Four Agreements, in a totally different way.

• 9:37Lewis Howes?

  So before this, you didn't think about it, you weren't like?

• 9:40Speaker 02

  Well, I, I read the book in nineteen ninety seven. I read three chapters into it and then I put it down because it was my dad telling me what to do all over again.

• 9:46Lewis Howes?

  You're like, this is how I live my life, and this is what he taught me every day.

• 9:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. And then the bubble burst, life happens, because that's what happens. And all of a sudden, I picked it up again and it became relevant. And I totally saw it, how other people see it. And that was, you can say, a pivotal moment in my life. All of a sudden, I saw it as this instrument that allowed me to inform my choice, but I'm the one making the choice. And that was exactly the thing that I didn't realize before. Before, I thought I had to, which is a huge difference from I want to. This is what I want to do. This is how I want to say yes. So at that point, it became rules, it became just an instrument that I can pick up or not, if that's what I want.

• 10:29Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 10:30Speaker 02

  So that's where I started, when I, when I changed it.

• 10:33Lewis Howes?

  Who was the most influential person in your life growing up?

• 10:36Speaker 02

  Growing up, besides my family?

• 10:38Lewis Howes?

  I mean, who in your family was the most influential for you?

• 10:41Speaker 02

  My grandmother, Sarita.

• 10:44Lewis Howes?

  Why?

• 10:44Speaker 02

  Well, there was a level, a certain level of intensity to my grandmother that I love. You know, she, at the time, my memories of her were in her seventies and eighties. So she was already an old woman when I, by the time I met her, my, I'm the son of thirteen, of the thirteenth child. So I got, by the time I got in, she was already, so.

• 11:02Lewis Howes?

  How many grandkids does she have?

• 11:04Speaker 02

  We're, we're over sixty.

• 11:05Lewis Howes?

  Oh, my goodness.

• 11:06Speaker 02

  We're, we're a lot. We're quite a bit. But she was this rock. She has this strong intent that allowed her to do things that most people would, would be think, they would think impossible, but she would do it because she just had that faith in herself. This faith to be able to create something. You see, when someone asks, tells me that I'm walking in my father's shoes, I say, no, I'm not. I'm walking in my grandmother's shoes because this whole thing about sharing this tradition with a community came from her. She's the one who started this tradition in the way of sharing it with people outside because her father and her grand, great grandfather couldn't really share it. It was still somewhat considered taboo to teach.

• 11:46Lewis Howes?

  To teach people outside of the family.

• 11:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was still taboo within the community and outside the community, it was taboo. But my grandmother had this desire to share it. So you can say that I grew up with a woman that was so, I would say, very confident in herself to know that she can make a choice, whether it's yes or no, and it'll make her happy. You know, it didn't matter that she was in her eighties or nineties. She can create something and she would always let us know that the only thing stopping you is your own belief.

• 12:22Lewis Howes?

  Right. Okay.

• 12:23Speaker 02

  So you can say that's, that's who.

• 12:25Lewis Howes?

  I love it.

• 12:25Speaker 02

  My inspiration.

• 12:26Lewis Howes?

  And what is this, what you're talking about that isn't being shared is this Tautic, what?

• 12:33Speaker 02

  The Tautic tradition?

• 12:34Lewis Howes?

  The tradition. What does it exactly entail? What does it mean? What, what is it?

• 12:38Speaker 02

  You can say that the Tautic tradition, you can say that the word Tautic in English means artist. If I translate the phrase, the Tautic art of transformation to one hundred percent English, it means the artist's path of transformation.

• 12:50Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 12:50Speaker 02

  And the way my great, great grandfather taught it and his son, Don Ronaldo taught it. Basically, they taught it through the old symbols of the Totek. You know, the images of the

• 13:01Speaker 02

  and all the old Mesoamerican imagery that came along with the stories of the sleeping giant, the two-headed serpent and what the ethereal egg is. And back in the day, that was considered kind of taboo because it wasn't part of the Catholic Church. You know, in Mexico, the remnants of the Inquisition still were kind of there. Even though there was the Mexican independence and the church had lost that power, it's still the taboo that still existed. And that you can say began to change. Even in my lifetime, you can say that when I was growing up, you know, my dad would give a lecture about the tradition in Spanish and nobody would show up, but he would do it in English and the place would be packed.

• 13:41Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 13:42Speaker 02

  And then somewhere along the nineteen nineties and two thousands, you know, that imagery of reinvesting in your own tradition came popular again in Mexico, kind of like Fila Calo did in nineteen thirties and twenties. Bands like Cafeta Cuba, Cifanes and things like that began to be introspective within the Mexican culture that began to see that. And also Mexico, you know, for example, yoga also became popular, spirituality became popular. Yeah, yoga, yeah, yoga and things like that. So just here in the States, you know, that ability began to be spread out. It's no longer taboo, it's something that, oh, okay, there's nothing to be afraid of.

• 14:21Lewis Howes?

  Doing it, talking about it.

• 14:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. It's something like a household here in the States, for example. And then the sixties were different in Mexico than it were in the United States. There was definitely the political revolution that came with the nineteen sixties. But in the United States, there's also a spiritual change, you know, the modern, what we know as the hippie came in and introduced us, along with the beatnik of what spirituality is and introduced it to the community and to the cultures. And little by little, by the nineteen eighties and nineties. It was easy for my father to be able to teach that because the language was already established.

• 14:54Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 14:54Speaker 02

  Places like the Bodhi Tree here in in Los Angeles was able to teach the traditions, not only of Yogananda, but of Krishna, Buddha, Siddhartha and Christ and Mohammed and all that kind of things. So you can say that that multiculturalism began to be shared. That's something that in Mexico, you can say the last fifteen years has been blossoming.

• 15:12Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 15:13Speaker 02

  So you can say that's where we come from. When I say dualities, that's exactly what I mean because we engage in this beautiful tradition that we're taking all the fanaticism out of it and leaving what is there, what we know as common sense. And we speak in that common sense. You can say that that's the success that my father has, but it's the thing that allows us to rest.

• 15:33Lewis Howes?

  Common sense, right?

• 15:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly.

• 15:34Lewis Howes?

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:35Speaker 02

  And it's the thing that allows us to resonate, not just within these two countries, but around the world. And that's the beauty of it.

• 15:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 15:41Speaker 02

  So it's it's just putting into words a human experience, which is gorgeous and harmonious. And I, you know, I got the privilege to be able to continue with that.

• 15:51Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. Is it really possible to master oneself?

• 15:55Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:56Lewis Howes?

  And when did you feel like you mastered yourself?

• 15:59Speaker 02

  The moment where I accepted myself, the moment I no longer pretended to be something I'm not. And basically, you can say that it's the moment I took off the mask of who I'm supposed to be. And I began to see myself as who I am, rather than a definition. I am the experience of a living being that is me. And I'm only controlled to the tips of my own fingers. I don't control beyond that. And because of that, I only control my perception. And I am the force that animates this body, that animates this mind. So you can say that within me, I get to experience life exactly from this point of view. So to experience me, so sorry, to become the mastery of self is to simply love myself unconditionally,

• 16:42Speaker 02

  which simply means to see myself as I really am at this very moment. And who I am at this very moment is the sum of every choice that I've ever made. And at the same time, I'm also the youngest I will ever be. I have my whole life ahead of me. How do I want to live it? How do I want to engage it? And the beautiful thing is that it's up to me. That's the choice I make.

• 17:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 17:03Speaker 02

  So I'm responsible for the consequences of my own choices. And that is the beauty. And I get to choose what consequence that's going to be. Either a positive consequence or a negative consequence. I always have the choice of the power of my own will, which is my yes and my no. So from that point of view, today I can say that I'm able to do my best. Right now, for example, I I run half marathons and marathons. I'm about to run a ten K this weekend. And basically I took a little break just to uh give my my hip flexor some a value rest. So I know that this weekend I may not be at the the my fastest. But I'm in looking forward to the engaging in running the ten the ten K.

• 17:46Speaker 02

  And whatever that's gonna come out, that's my best at that moment.

• 17:49Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 17:49Speaker 02

  And I enjoy it. So you know, if I live up to this image of a mask and if I don't run that ten K in this amount of time and this kind of space. And if I don't achieve it, it's a waste of time and ah the whole downwards ju downward spiral of self judgment kicks in. But I've allowed myself like, you know what? I'm gonna do the best I can. I'm going to run. I'm going to enjoy it. I'm gonna enjoy every step. That's the power I have. I have the power to move one leg forward. I have the power to be able to control and moderate my breath. I have the power to enjoy it.

• 18:21Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 18:21Speaker 02

  And that's really it. Cause when I enjoy it, that's what allows me to get into the zone easy. Because I'm out of my mind, I'm out of my head. And I enjoy not only the process of the harmony that is breathing and moving at the same time and shifting. And when I run, I don't miss, I don't run with headphones. I run without them. So I'm totally running on, yeah, I'm I it's like when I took off the headphones, it's like going from automatic to stick. And I was able to control my own body and I listened to my body. And that's really what I'm called about the master yourself. I'm aware of myself.

• 18:56Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 18:56Speaker 02

  And I accept myself.

• 18:57Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. How does someone, you talk about you have a chapter on on loving yourself unconditionally. Unconditional love for yourself and others. How does someone love themselves unconditionally when they have so much?

• 19:12Lewis Howes?

  Guilt or shame or unworthy feelings about themselves from past that they haven't let go of or they haven't forgiven or they hold on to. How does someone fully unconditionally love themselves?

• 19:25Speaker 02

  Well, they first they see themselves as who they are. They can't go back in the past and change their yes into a no or no to a yes because that life no longer exists in the past. So it only exists in my mind and it probably didn't happen the way I think it happened. But I can't go back there. So I am, this is the result of that consequence and this is the result of who I am. Now, true justice is paying for something once, injustice paying it over and over and over again.

• 19:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 19:52Speaker 02

  So from that point of view is why am I continuing to judge myself? Why am I continuously feeling this guilt? And it's because I haven't forgiven myself. I accept the truth, but I haven't forgiven myself. And to me, to forgive ourselves is to accept the truth and let it go. What I mean by that is to learn from it. Now, sometimes we don't, we continue to punish ourselves because we're still attached to that domestication. Like I said before, domestication is a system of reward and punishment by which we model the behavior of an individual. If we live up to the expectation, we get the reward. And if we get, if we don't live up to the expectation, we get the punishment. And since part of our perception is emotions, that reward feels like acceptance, which feels

• 20:35Speaker 02

  like love, which means when we don't live up, when we don't live up to the expectation, we get the punishment. Well, the punishment is our rejection, our judgment, and we don't get love. It's the lack thereof and it's the way we love, learn conditional love. That's how we begin to love ourselves conditionally. So most of the times we begin to continue to judge ourselves over and over because we are still not living up to that image. And here's the thing, that image doesn't exist, it's an illusion. And we still judge ourselves compared to this image that doesn't exist. So we're still looking at ourselves not as who we really are at this very moment. We're still chasing this elusive carrot that as soon as we get it, we're worthy of love. And until we get it, we can forgive ourselves.

• 21:17Speaker 02

  And that to some people, that it's a motivator and that they drive through that obsession.

• 21:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 21:22Speaker 02

  But when you realize that that's just an illusion. And then you realize you're never going to reach it.

• 21:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 21:28Speaker 02

  Because that guy, that girl, never existed. Never existed. It was, it was someone's point of view projected onto us, a mask projected onto us, and we believed it.

• 21:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 21:40Speaker 02

  And when, when we realized that we're not that, when we realized that that image nothing exists, then what is the truth? Well, the person who I am at this very moment. I'm not my past, I'm not my future. This is the only place where I'm able to express my will, this present moment.

• 21:58Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 21:58Speaker 02

  This present moment that moves with me from the moment I am born until the moment I die. So this is me. Flaws and all.

• 22:06Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 22:07Speaker 02

  So you can say from that point of view is, all right, reset the starting point. This is the starting point. This is me at this very moment.

• 22:14Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 22:15Speaker 02

  So all those more times, okay, I forgive myself because I didn't know what I was doing, which was true, like, it's like Christ says, forgive them, Father, they do not know what they do. Well, forgive me, Father. I didn't know what I was doing. Or you can say, forgive me, Miguel, in my case. I didn't know what I was doing, but now I'm aware of it and I'm going to learn from it. And I'm not going to repeat the mistake. And that's the lesson learned. So I'm no longer going to use that spur to motivate me to become something I'm not. Because I forgive myself forever saying yes to it. So you can say from that point of view, a judgment is just simply that instrument by which I tried to mold myself to being something I wasn't.

• 22:57Speaker 02

  As soon as I become aware of that, I can forgive myself forever doing that.

• 23:00Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. It's interesting you talk about this because it resonated with me. My entire childhood into my twenties, I was so driven to achieve and, and win and be the best in sports because then I thought I would get acceptance and love. And so I would work so hard day and night to be the best I could be. And I had these big goals and dreams to, to, you know, be a champion in sports, be an all-American athlete, go to play professional football. And every time I reached my goal, which happened a lot, I remember it like, I would be so depressed and miserable within fifteen minutes.

• 23:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:33Lewis Howes?

  I would just be like. Well, where's the love, you know, whatever, you know what I mean? It's like, where's the acceptance? Like, I got it from the people, but I still wasn't accepting it myself.

• 23:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, because also like, well, now, next time I have to do it.

• 23:43Lewis Howes?

  Wasn't good enough, it was like.

• 23:45Speaker 02

  It's like, if I run, if I run a half marathon in two hours and I run into twenty five, err. Then I reached the two hour mark, okay, yay, but now I have to do it in an hour and a half.

• 23:54Lewis Howes?

  Right, or you're not.

• 23:56Speaker 02

  And then, yeah, well, we're not, so we're not pushing ourselves and we keep resetting, but that's the illusion, that's the carrot. There's the difference between the obsession of chasing that carrot and the passion of taking each step. You know, one of my other heroes growing up outside my family was Tony Gwynn. And Tony Gwynn.

• 24:12Lewis Howes?

  Baseball player.

• 24:12Speaker 02

  A baseball player, San Diego Padres, born and raised in San Diego. But the thing about it is that when he played, he enjoyed it. He loved going to practice and enjoyed it. He smiled because he was doing something he loved to do. He's like, can you believe I'm doing this? Can you believe I'm getting, get to do this? There was passion, you know, there was this desire to go out there, not to be the best, to, but to enjoy the opportunity. Now, you go train and that training really is where the work really happens. Because when you finally get the time to go into the game, or in my case, go for that run. It's that moment where I let go of all the, all the things that hold me back and I'm gonna do it. Like, this is my, my chance.

• 24:53Speaker 02

  But when I run, right now, I'm training for C I M, California International Marathon up in Folsom to Sacramento. So I have a next five months training. The, the marathon itself is five months.

• 25:07Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 25:07Speaker 02

  The whole time. On that day, what happens is that, that's the day I let go. I'm like, this is the work, the fruit of all my labor.

• 25:16Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 25:16Speaker 02

  I'm going to enjoy it because I've enjoyed the whole process because I get to discover myself. Like, one of the beautiful things about running is that you cross that threshold that your mind says you couldn't cross. And it's so much fun to cross it. You do, you realize, wow, what else can I do? What else can I do? What else can I do? And then that day comes, I'm like, let's do it. That's passion.

• 25:36Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 25:36Speaker 02

  It's passion. So you can say that we can either live up and chase that elusive carrot and never get it. And say, yeah, you can finish all those, get all those trophies, but you never got it.

• 25:46Lewis Howes?

  They're filled inside.

• 25:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, or you grab that carrot and you're eating it and that eat, that basically fuels every single step. You get the chance.

• 25:55Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 25:56Speaker 02

  Now, does that mean you're gonna not compete? Of course, you're gonna compete. It's the opportunity.

• 26:00Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 26:01Speaker 02

  You enjoy it, but the difference is that if you win, great. If you don't win, grr, but. But the thing about it is you get to admire and like, oh, look at how that person did it. Like you, you admire the craft.

• 26:15Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 26:15Speaker 02

  It's, it's really about that craft. Like you look at someone like how they did it. Oh, let me learn from that. That's a great technique. Look at that. Look at that. That's right. It's not about comparing myself to them. It's about saying, wow, let's see how that, how was that mastering? How was that craft? And it's a beauty. It's a beautiful thing to be able to look at what you do and see someone else doing it. And we get that opportunity to share and compare and even share the stage to be able to reach it. You know, and it's, it's an awesome opportunity.

• 26:48Lewis Howes?

  Cool. Yeah. I was, I interviewed Randy Couture, who is a six-time UFC champion.

• 26:52Speaker 02

  Cool, yeah.

• 26:52Lewis Howes?

  Talked about this every time he was entering the octagon. He was just like smiling and like walking out where everyone else had like a hoodie on and his like mean face getting ready. He was just like bouncing around happy. And I was like, why are you so happy? He goes, because I just got, I put in so much work that now I got to enjoy the moment.

• 27:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:09Lewis Howes?

  And I wanted to fully embrace it, enjoy it and like be aware of everything as opposed to just like mean and angry.

• 27:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 27:15Lewis Howes?

  And, uh, you know, so in my own space or whatever, you know.

• 27:18Speaker 02

  And that's the thing. It's like in that moment, you grab it. You know, that, that expression sees the day from Dead Poet Society. And it's, it's a wonderful opportunity.

• 27:28Lewis Howes?

  Now, here's an interesting one. How do we have, you know, with all the things that are happening in the world right now, all the killings that seem just, you know, brutal. Uh, how do we have unconditional love for others? You have a whole chapter on that. How do we love others unconditionally when they're killing our family members, our friends, our citizens?

• 27:46Speaker 02

  How do we say, oh, we still love you unconditionally, keep doing what you're doing? What, how do we do that? Well, first you start doing it with yourself. You can't give what you do not have. You first learn to love yourself unconditionally, which to me, loving unconditionally is the willingness to see myself as I am. I take off all the filters. All the masks. All the masks, take it off. Because domestication, conditional love, only wants to see what it wants to see. It projects an image and if you live up to it, great. If you don't, I'm gonna domesticate you until you live up to that image. What do you mean by domesticate you? Well, condition. Got you. So if I condition myself to that, myself, and I become aware of that, then I, I stopped conditioning myself. And I begin to see myself as I am. And in doing that, I become aware that I control my will.

• 28:31Speaker 02

  When I say yes and my no, my no is just as powerful as my yes. And because I'm able to say yes and no, there's consequences. There's consequences of my own actions, of my own choices. And to respect myself is to allow myself to experience those consequences. There's consequences or there's rewards. There's prices and rewards. Well, you can, you can say that reward is the same thing as a consequence. Got it. A positive or negative, exactly. Yeah, yeah. You know, a consequence is both a positive thing like that reward, or you get your electricity turned off. You know, tho- those both are consequences. That's, it's a result of an action. And I respect myself to be able to experience that. As I, as I see myself as I am. And love is this energy that allows me to have a bond with people and within myself.

• 29:17Speaker 02

  So when I look at other people and I share that, I take off the mask. I no longer project that mask of who they're supposed to be. I see them for who they are. For example, with my mom and dad, I take off the mask of mom and dad and I see Miguel and Maria. And they're both in their sixties, sixty-four, and they're in the process of reinventing themselves. As they shift from middle age to being elderly and seeing themselves. My father right now, my mother right now are in that process. I'm like, they're, they're becoming empty nesters because my brother's moving out. So to see them as my peers, to understand where they're going from, to see them as a man and a woman. And see how their life is. Instead of seeing mom and dad and only seeing that and never seeing who they really are.

• 30:02Speaker 02

  Then I miss out. But to have unconditional love for them is first to take off the mask and see the person they are. And with that comes with the respect of their will. I respect their will. That's the other expression of unconditional love. I respect you so much that you are responsible for your will and its consequences. I respect you so much that you will experience your consequences.

• 30:27Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 30:27Speaker 02

  And that

• 30:28Lewis Howes?

  Positive or negative?

• 30:29Speaker 02

  Positive or negative. So from that point of view, you can see the whole spectrum. To be able to respect the will of another individual, respect. Some people say it has to be earned. But then earning respect is the same as conditional love. There's a distortion of it. Respect simply is, I respect you because you're alive at the same time as I do. And you have the same capacity to go in any direction in life. Your no is just as powerful as your yes. And that's true because it's also true with me, with me. My yes is just as powerful as my no. So if I see that-

• 31:02Lewis Howes?

  You may respect the other human being, but you may not be aligned with their actions

• 31:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:07Lewis Howes?

  of killing or doing something.

• 31:10Speaker 02

  Oh, of course. I disagree completely with many things in the world, of course.

• 31:13Lewis Howes?

  But you still respect them as a human is what you're saying.

• 31:15Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 31:15Lewis Howes?

  Even if they're the worst murderer in the world.

• 31:17Speaker 02

  Oh, I respect them simply because they're alive and because their choices have been that, they will have the consequences of their choices. There will be a consequences for every action we take, there's a reaction. Now, there's people who say, well, what about people like ISIS or this or that? And like, well, they've chosen to use their words in that way. Their actions in that way, and they will have a consequence, obviously, in their experiencing a consequence right now. You have a choice.

• 31:44Lewis Howes?

  That's saying you're gonna be friends with them and

• 31:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:46Lewis Howes?

  hang out with them, but you

• 31:47Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 31:48Lewis Howes?

  you're using the word respect them

• 31:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:50Lewis Howes?

  for being alive.

• 31:51Speaker 02

  For respect them for their life, and they have their choices, even if we disagree with them. But here's the thing. We have the choice of either using our word to go against them. Or using our word, that if they're choosing their word to deconstruct a society, then I'm gonna use my word to construct a society. I will construct harmony. I will construct love. You can say, it's not just ISIS, it's gangs. You know, in the rural areas, there's narcos in Mexico, there are street thugs, there's things. But at the same time, we'll remember that in the 1940s, both Hitler and Gandhi existed.

• 32:30Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 32:31Speaker 02

  We're watching the duality of humanity at this very moment. We're watching the yin and yang life at this very moment. And that's the truth within humanity. We're both capable of creating the perfect nightmare and the perfect harmonious dream. Which do we choose to construct? And that choice is completely up to us because that nightmare is within me and that harmonious dream is also within me. I have a choice. So within that choice, I can choose my words to construct that harmony, to use that expression of love. Right now on Facebook, you can explode with all this derogatory things, all these demeaning things. And like this one video that's got a CIA director says,

• 33:14Speaker 02

  "The thing about everyone she's ever inspected is that everyone thought they weren't the right."

• 33:19Lewis Howes?

  They didn't think they were wrong.

• 33:20Speaker 02

  They didn't think they were wrong.

• 33:22Lewis Howes?

  People killing people now, they don't think they're wrong.

• 33:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's death in the name of love. It's conditional love.

• 33:28Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 33:29Speaker 02

  But if you see it from the point of view of life is perfect because it exists at this moment and it changes with every new agreement, then everything evolves. Our definition of love changes, our definition of justice changes, just like our definition of beauty changes. Like for example, the expression, "I live in a red state." In 1950s, that meant that you lived in a communist socialist state and then fighting words, depending on who you'd say that to. Fast forward to 2016, "I live in a red state" means that you live in a state that's conservative republican. The complete opposite.

• 34:04Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 34:04Speaker 02

  And fighting words, depending on who you say that, of course. But here's the thing, the phrase remains the same, but society has changed so much that it shifted this definition. And if you can see that just with words, it's also true with so many things. So from that point of view, to take out the word and simply look at the definition, look at the intent behind it, you'll see that there's intent, life giving it power. The power of my word. For example, the same energy I use to move my legs, to move my arms, is the same energy I use to create a thought. And at the root of every belief I have in my belief system, there's a yes that gives it power. So if you see it from that point of view, at the root of every belief there exists, there's a yes.

• 34:48Speaker 02

  Like Neil deGrasse Tyson says, the truth exists whether you believe in it or not. Let me add something to that. A belief only exists for as long as I believe it. And if, as soon as I change that yes into a no, it ceases to exist. So if there's a belief that separates me from my brother and sister, that creates a divide, I understand that the only thing dividing us is an illusion, a belief that only exists while we believe it, and it'll change. So if we see that, forgive us, Father, we did not know what we do.

• 35:22Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, man. In the beginning of the book, or the inside flap, it says, the ancient Toltecs, it's Toltecs, how I say it, right? The ancient Toltecs believed that life, as we perceive it, is a dream. We each live in our own personal dream, and these come together to form the dream of the planet or the world in which we live. What is this personal dream and the dream of the planet?

• 35:47Speaker 02

  Sure. Well, in our Toltec tradition, the main function of the mind is to dream, which is simply what to us means to perceive and to project. I perceive 360 degrees with my eyes, with my ears, with every single nerve ending. And at the same time, I'm also projecting. So I'm dreaming right now. I'm dreaming when I'm awake because I'm perceiving you. Right now, I'm seeing you, your eyes, your hair, and all that. I'm seeing light bounce off you and going straight to my retina. So I'm seeing light. And when I'm a, if I see you in my dreams when I'm asleep, it's not really you because it's not light. What I said I'm perceiving when I'm asleep, I don't know. But I'm the constant point of perception when I'm awake and when I'm asleep. So that, that's what we know as the individual dream, the relationship between me and me. You can also put it this way.

• 36:32Speaker 02

  If I'm the one talking inside my own mind, who's listening? I am. But if I'm the one who's listening, who's talking? I am. And that's the individual dream, the relationship between me and me. Now, the dream of the planet is as small as you and I. The main function of your mind is to dream, the main function of my mind is to dream, and when we come together, we create the dream of us. And the only thing that will exist between us are the things that both you and I say yes. If you say no to something, or I say no to something, it will not be part of this friendship. In fact, this friendship only lasts for as long as both you and I say yes. As soon as you change your mind, or I change my mind, it ceases to exist. And that's what's, what's so great about a yes, we're mutual yes. With our free will, we construct in the dream of us.

• 37:18Speaker 02

  And it's as big as seven billion people living in this very moment at the very same time. It's what we know as society, culture.

• 37:28Speaker 02

  And with those agreements, we construct not only our culture and civilization, we create buildings, we create boundaries, we create money, we create all this stuff. This, this, this, the beautiful system that we have. And it's only there by agreement, you know, for example. Slavery only ended by two votes. Yes, there was a civil war, but it only ended when Congress got together and did a yay and a nay, yes or no. And it ceased to exist because there was two yay that gave it power. So we can say the dream of the planet is constructed by agreements. And because of agreements, it constantly changes.

• 38:08Speaker 02

  That's why we see the perfect nightmare and the perfect harmony at the same time. It's expressed differently across the world.

• 38:17Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 38:18Speaker 02

  You, the, you can say whoever controls the yes, controls the dream of the planet, that's why you see so much war. Who is going to control the dream? There's this battle of who's going to impose his will. Because when I impose my will and you subjugate your will, then we have what the dream of the planet would call peace, but it's really not peace. The way to control the will of another individual is to make them doubt themselves, to make them doubt their own capacity to say yes or no. And you subject your will. And every person who tries to impose their will finds his or her perfect host. And you can say, from that point of view, this looks like peace, only because there's no active fight. But it's still a form of disrespect. There's no respect whatsoever in this. That's why we see so much fight, so much battle, so much war.

• 39:01Speaker 02

  A battle of who is going to domesticate who, who's going to win. Aha, I win, no, I win. And we see the history of humanity, the back and forth. Real peace, that harmonious peace, is to engage each other as equals. And what I mean by equals is that we're both living beings with the same capacity to express our free will. To respect your no is just as powerful as respecting your yes. And that's what me respecting you looks like.

• 39:30Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 39:30Speaker 02

  And if I respect your will, that means because I respect my own. I respect my own capacity to say yes and no, and I don't subject my will. And I only control to the tips of my fingers, which means I'm not going to impose my will either. I am me, and I'm engaging life. And as I engage you, my equal, we can create it with mutual peace, that mutual respect for one another. And that really is peace. Because we both know that the things both you and I say yes to are things that will exist between you and I. If you say no to something, or I say no to something, it will not be a part of this dream.

• 40:04Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 40:05Speaker 02

  So that's a harmonious example of dream. But if we turn on the news, we see the opposite.

• 40:10Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 40:11Speaker 02

  Which is conditional love and that conditioning or domestication where who is going to domesticate who? Who's going to control the dream? Who's going to control the battle? And of course, we have a war. Of course, we have ISIS and the Crips and the Bloods back in the eighties or nineties. Or the Democrats and Republicans, or social conservatives and social liberals, or social fiscal conservatives or fiscal liberals, or the combination of all of that thing. It's a perfect mitote, a thousand voices all talking at the same time, and they're all trying to get your attention.

• 40:43Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 40:44Speaker 02

  So, and with attention they want, just either your yes and your no.

• 40:47Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 40:48Speaker 02

  So from that point of view, the dream of the planet looks dramatically crazy. But here's the beautiful thing about it. I don't control the dream of the planet. I control my own dream. And I'm the constant in every relationship I am in. If I'm able to create harmony within myself and find that form of no longer conditioning myself and no longer having the need to condition or domesticate someone else, then peace comes because I respect my will. Right. That which allows me to respect the will of another. If I have that for myself, then I'm the constant opportunity for unconditional love in every relationship I am in. And if they choose to see me, if they choose to engage me with that one,

• 41:31Speaker 02

  then we both engage each other with unconditional love and the dream changes little by little. Yeah. And that's, that's so beautiful. And that's the thing. While we're all alive, anything is possible. Anything is possible. And that's the beauty of being alive. At any given moment, everyone can have an aha moment, a moment of clarity. And we choose to forgive each other. We can have peace. Yeah. And that's a beautiful dream. But the possibility is always there while we're alive. Sure. That's why we keep planting seeds. Yeah. You know, Luther King says, I have a dream. And to a certain degree, we're still working towards that dream, but we're much closer than we were in nineteen sixty-two, sixty-three. So we still work towards that.

• 42:15Speaker 02

  And of course, there'll be forces that divided and distorted, you know, like I can easily distort the four agreements and turn it into the four conditions of my personal freedom. I can use the four agreements to domesticate myself. And the telltale sign of that is judging myself for taking it personal, judge myself for not being impeccable, judging myself for making an assumption. That's the telltale sign. Yeah. To use those four agreements as an instrument for transformation is becoming aware that I have the choice to take it personal or not to take it personal. I'm free to say yes to either one, and that's personal freedom. Yeah. And to say yes to not taking it personal, that's when that agreement becomes alive. When did you, uh, what was the hardest one to master for you, the four agreements? Well, I used to get that question a lot and I used to say, uh, are they taking things personal and/or

• 42:59Speaker 02

  being impeccable with my word? And then I realized why they were difficult. I was pretending to be something I wasn't. And that's when I became aware of the four conditions, using it to domesticate myself. In the same way you describe motivating yourself to reaching those goals and achieving it. Yeah. I would do that with the four agreements. And when I did that, I corrupted them, turned into the four conditions. So. From that point of view, it changed. Like now it's easy because it's a, it's just a choice. I get to choose to say yes or no to it. And every time I say yes to it, that agreement becomes alive.

• 43:33Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 43:34Speaker 02

  And we can see that with the four agreements. We can totally see that with Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, the Bible, Krishna, Buddha, Siddhartha, Mohammed, Psychology, Psychiatry, AA. All of them are beautiful instruments that allows us to let go of conditional love and embrace unconditional love. And if we're so attached to them, we can corrupt all of them. But if we learn to listen to it and see them as instruments, they're beautiful instruments for personal transformation.

• 44:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. What do you think holds people back from reaching their highest potential in life? What's the main thing that holds people back?

• 44:11Speaker 02

  Doubt.

• 44:13Speaker 02

  One would say fear, but it's really doubt.

• 44:16Lewis Howes?

  What do people doubt?

• 44:17Speaker 02

  Their own capacity to say yes or no.

• 44:21Lewis Howes?

  To say yes or no to what?

• 44:22Speaker 02

  Themselves, to the things they want to say yes to.

• 44:24Lewis Howes?

  Gotcha.

• 44:25Speaker 02

  Because that's, you see, yes and no is just another way to explain our will. To have free will, to be able to say yes and no with a complete freedom of life. And conditioning is changing my yes to a no because a condition tells me to. Or a no to a yes because a belief tells me to. And that's at that point, we're subjecting our will. So from that point of view, of course, we're not gonna create, if we're afraid of it or we have doubts because we don't think we have the capacity to make that choice. But to have free will, to have complete confidence in our ability to say yes or no. And from that point of view, it's the same as being able to move my arms, to move my legs, to create a thought. I'm able to do that and have the confidence to do that.

• 45:08Speaker 02

  It's simply that trust or faith in myself.

• 45:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 45:11Speaker 02

  So from that point of view, I'm infinite. Because I can go in any direction in life. I'm that infinite possibility. Because I'm alive.

• 45:20Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 45:21Speaker 02

  So you can say that's, that's why people can't because they don't have that trust or that faith in themselves.

• 45:26Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 45:27Speaker 02

  Doubt.

• 45:28Lewis Howes?

  Um, I want to ask a few more questions. This is fascinating and I want to make sure everyone goes and gets this book, The Mastery of Self. So make sure to go pick up this book. Um, I want to talk about masks for a second till we wrap it up. Uh, you know, I'm, I told you I'm writing this new book called The Mask of Masculinity. And for many years, I would say 25 plus years, uh, maybe even 28, I was living with many masks on at different times, depending on situations or who I was surrounding myself with or the setting, I would wear masks. Now, I always felt like I was full of love and joy and, uh, was childlike in many areas, but it was more I'd wear a mask when I felt, uh, like someone was attacking a part of me

• 46:12Lewis Howes?

  that I was afraid they were going to attack or something. They were attacking my integrity or my manliness or whatever it was. I would get very defensive and guarded and put on this image or this mask. I'm curious, why do, um, what, what is your definition of masculinity?

• 46:29Speaker 02

  Masculinity?

• 46:30Lewis Howes?

  What's your definition of masculinity? What do you think it means to be the true definition of masculinity? Um, what's it, what do you think it means to be a real man today? And how do men become aware of their masks and let them go?

• 46:44Speaker 02

  Okay. Well, first, the, what I know as a mask is what we know as an identity. You know, that's what we, in a total tradition, we put on a mask basically to describe the formation of the identity we've developed. So it's just a symbol, a symbol, like any word, is an empty definition. Uh, an empty symbol whose definition is completely subject to an agreement. That's why certain words have different meanings and different, and, and a word can be an innocent term here in the States as it is in the UK kingdom. So from that point of view, the word masculinity is going to reflect a truth, the biology of our body. You can say the way our body looks. To a certain degree. Now, that definition is gonna vary from culture to culture to community, even within families, what that looks like.

• 47:28Speaker 02

  You know, we, some people will call the alpha male, the beta male, the macho guy, whatever. In my, in my culture, the macho guy, the is Pedro Infante, Jorge Negrete, living up to those images. The lucha libre. Yeah, that type of thing, yeah. So we create symbols and we project what masculinity is to them. But then you have a masculinity that is different because right now, we live in a time where we're not influenced by a small little group of space of people within a radius of a miles. Like it used to be hundreds of years ago. Yeah, exactly. We are surrounded by seven billion people who are now able to interact with one another and

• 48:08Speaker 02

  the definition masculinity changes from person to person, both from the men and the women, from the individual to whatever. Right now, the definition of what a successful man looks like changes. You know, it, it used to look like the man who bring home the bacon and whatever, whatever nuclear image that the nineteen fifties gave us. And it began to change nowadays with who can write the best code. Right. And also you have the great total success like, like, oh, I'm trying to remember their names. Uh, Steve Jobs and such. It just, it changed like that, that level of success looks dramatically different from someone in the nineteen fifties

• 48:50Speaker 02

  or, or John D. Rockefeller type of thing. It, it changes from person to person. So masculinity to me is just simply the expression of this body. This, this being that I was born into this body, you can say. But that is always open to different point of view because my definition of a man and then my, my teenage years, when I was trying to live up to an image of what is acceptable, what isn't acceptable, that boys don't cry, like Robert Smith would say, to what it is now. For me, the definition of man is basically raising my children, helping my wife and be able to create for them and provide for them.

• 49:33Speaker 02

  It's changed because I've changed and in about ten years it will change again because I will be providing for my family. My family will be taking care of themselves and my son and my daughter will be off to college and they will be starting to create their own life. And me and my wife will be reinventing ourselves. The thing about it is the definition will once again reinvent itself. It'll change again, again and again and again and again. So that's why it's such an illusion. That's why it's such a hard thing to pinpoint or put into into a definition because it always will reflect the same different stage we are in in our life. When I was a teenage boy, it's about, it wasn't not just about getting the grades, but you know, ha- having a girlfriend.

• 50:14Speaker 02

  It was about also being able to play soccer right, play the ninety minutes. If I could play three games on one day, phenomenal and be able to do that, I sent top of the college and all that kind of thing. It's then in my twenties, it looked different. It was about not, it wasn't about the sport anymore. It was about, all right, gotta get my cred, gotta pay my dues. As a production assistant, it was about getting the job done, getting it done right, getting it done to a point where I enjoy it and I can say, that's my name. I did that, boom, stamp it. My thirties, it looked differently because now I'm like, oh, I've got my kids. Okay, now I want, I want my, my success is being able to give food to my children, to my wife, be able to, you know, both of us.

• 50:58Speaker 02

  We live in a society where both of us work. Yeah. So it's about, it's about the whole general group of us, which is my, my wife, myself, my kids, and we help each other. You know, mind you, this is where you can say the definition always changes too. There's people out there who believe, no, the wife doesn't work, it's all the man. Right. Or there's also the definition like, well, my wife does so much better. I'll stay at home, take care of the kids while she goes, brings the bread, but I will take care of this family. I will take home for the team because it's the team that will survive. We survive by providing the things. Like I have a friend who is a musician, who is great, phenomenal. His wife is a lawyer and she's the one who goes off and does the work, brings the money because he's not a lawyer, he's a musician.

• 51:42Speaker 02

  When he has the chance, he goes out in place and does his passion. But during the day, he's gonna help with the kids because, well, they they have that nice balance and it's beautiful. It's it's a great thing. If if if he was so attached to that image of masculinity, he totally get in the way like, woman, you're not working. Even if you're smart enough to be a lawyer, you're not working and we're gonna survive on my voice and my guitar. And there you go. It may it may not survive, may not work. Yeah, yeah. But the willingness to listen, to the willingness to engage, we realize that the definition changes. Over and over and over. So you can say, we put on different masks because different people project a different mask onto us. And when we're domesticated or conditioning, we believe every single one of them.

• 52:27Speaker 02

  To take it off is the willing, the willingness to see myself without that mask. You can say, I take off the mask when I realize that I won't find myself in the mask. I'll find myself in saying either yes or no to it. My will, the energy. And when I take off the mask, I am formless. I have no form. Formless. Formless, yeah. My body may have a form, but my mind and my energy, yeah. Like water. I change. I for I'm formless. I engage to the relationship. My my daughter, my wife and my mom. All three, three women who I love very much will see me dramatically different. My daughter will see me as the father, my wife as the husband, and my mother as the son.

• 53:10Speaker 02

  And you can, if you understand domestication, I can domesticate myself with my mom's perception. Which will be in conflict with my wife's perception of me the husband, which was kinda skewed with my daughter. Now, if I try to try to live up to all three of them, then I'm pretending to be something I am not, and there's gonna be conflict. Exhausting. It's exhausting. But if I take off the mask and realize that I am the man, I'm the constant between the three. I realize that they project a mask onto me, but it's up to me whether or not I put it on or not. Yeah, exactly. And I engage it because I engage my daughter because I love her so much. And what makes me her father is because I'm the willing to engage her and raise her and love her as such. I engage my wife and I engage her as the husband, her beloved, her lovey.

• 53:55Speaker 02

  And I love her and I engage her and I respect her and that's gonna, my relationship, she's gonna bring out that element of me. And my mother's gonna do something similar, but from a point of view of, of a mother and a son. I'm the constant between the three and they project a mask onto me. Now, do I put it on, condition myself with it, or I just simply respect that's the way they see me? And may not be the way I see myself. But I respect their projection, their perception of me, because I don't control their perception. I only control to the tips of my fingers. So from that point of view. My definition of myself is, there's no definition. I'm just the experience of being me.

• 54:35Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, interesting. I like that. Um, final few questions. What are you most grateful for in your life recently?

• 54:43Speaker 02

  Recently, what I'm grateful for? Ah, the ability to wake up and go to sleep.

• 54:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 54:51Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, a, a few weeks ago, I, I was having tachycardias, like, like a heart palpitations.

• 54:58Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 54:58Speaker 02

  So I let go of alcohol because I became aware that that's the, the, the catalyst. So I have sleep apnea.

• 55:04Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 55:05Speaker 02

  And I, I'm not a hard drinker. I, I used to drink whenever I am around friends. But if I drink two glasses of wine, I get the palpitations. So I became aware of, of that combination. So I stopped drinking. So I'm grateful for the opportunity to be able to be alive.

• 55:21Lewis Howes?

  That's good.

• 55:21Speaker 02

  You know, it basically is that sleep apnea and alcohol do not mix. So I'll take out one of them. And then I take care of the other one by taking like, uh, well, that's one, this is why I started running because I want, besides the fact, besides the fact that I love to run. I also wanted to care of my body. So.

• 55:39Lewis Howes?

  Lose weight to lose the sleep apnea usually.

• 55:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. That's, that's the, that's the thing. So that's why I'm grateful. I'm grateful to be alive.

• 55:46Lewis Howes?

  That's cool. This is called the three truths question.

• 55:49Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 55:50Lewis Howes?

  This is something I ask everyone at the end. Uh, it says the, the final day for you many, many years from now. And you have everyone that you care about. Um, and for whatever reason, every book you've ever written has been erased. Everything you've created is gone from time. And your great, great whoever comes to you and says, here's a piece of paper and a pen. Will you tell us your three truths? The three things you know to be true about everything you've experienced that you'd pass on to us? Since we don't have any more of your books or anything else you've ever said. These are the only three things that we'll be able to remember your work by.

• 56:25Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 56:26Lewis Howes?

  What would be those three truths?

• 56:28Speaker 02

  Enjoy every moment. That's the whole point of all the work we do, to enjoy life. We do this work to enjoy being ourselves, which allows us to enjoy the company of the people we love. So enjoy life. The other truth is I am only responsible to the tips of my fingers. Which means I'm only responsible for my own will and I'm a co-creator. And everything I do with every person I know, we co-created together. Love is never conditional until you make it so. Which means it'll always be unconditional.

• 57:04Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Those are good. Those are good. Thank you. Before I ask the final question, I want to acknowledge you for a moment, Miguel. I want to acknowledge you for creating your own way, for creating your own way, for seeing yourself, for who you really are in your late twenties and for sharing with all of us your incredible work.

• 57:24Speaker 02

  Well, thank you.

• 57:24Lewis Howes?

  Because you have so much wisdom and you have so much inner passion and inner joy. And it's great to see you bring it to life.

• 57:31Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 57:31Lewis Howes?

  So I acknowledge you for constantly showing up and being present and in flow and sharing with us a beautiful gift that you have.

• 57:39Speaker 02

  Oh, it's my pleasure. Thank you. I always, I always enjoy the opportunities because I never know when I'm going to get another one. So let's do the best we got.

• 57:46Lewis Howes?

  I like it. I like it.

• 57:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:47Lewis Howes?

  Um, I want to make sure everyone, uh, I have one question left for you and I want to make sure everyone gets this book. The Mastery of Self, a total guide, total guide to personal freedom. Highly recommend it. It's a shorter on the books, so you don't have to go, it'll take you probably a few hours. A lot of great stuff, a lot of the things that I talk about, there's in here as well, talking about visualization, grounding practice and mantra, uh, goal setting.

• 58:13Speaker 00

  Taking off the masks, mastering yourself, there's a lot of great stuff in here. A different perspective, so I highly recommend checking this out. Final question for you, my friend, is what's your definition of greatness?

• 58:25Speaker 02

  My definition of greatness? I can honestly don't know the actual word, but I can tell you the experience of it. Greatness is basically being able to have this moment of clarity and realize, wow, look at where I'm at. Look at what I'm doing. Wow. What else can I do? That's to me what greatness is, is all of a sudden being able to do the best with what you've got. Enjoy it, do it. And when you wake up and you look at it, you're like, wow. It's to see it from that point of view of a child. And from the point of view of a child, it's to see it, it's to still be in awe of everything in the world.

• 59:07Speaker 02

  To be in awe of what you've created, to be in awe of yourself, to be in awe of the people in life and what they've created, to be in awe of everything. That's the beautiful thing. That's why kids always ask questions. Because they want, no, what is that? What is this? What is that? We're in awe of it. To me, that's what greatness is. All of a sudden to be in awe of myself because I'm alive. You're alive. What else can we do?

• 59:33Speaker 00

  Miguel, thanks for coming on, man. Appreciate it.

• 59:34Speaker 02

  Thank you so much. Appreciate it for the opportunity. And congratulations to you for everything you're doing. It's awesome. You are greatness.

• 59:41Speaker 00

  Thanks, man. Appreciate it, appreciate it.

• 59:46Speaker 00

  There you have it. I hope you enjoyed this interview as much as I enjoyed it. Make sure to share this with your friends, lewishouse.com/358. Again, all of the show notes, the video interview, the links to connect with Don Miguel Ruiz Jr. and how to get his book is back at lewishouse.com/358. If you feel like this information would be helpful for your friends, share it out. If you know other people that are on a journey of mastering themselves and want to get to that next level in their life, then send them this interview. I also had the pleasure the other day of interviewing a legend and a hero of mine, Larry King.

• 1:00:25Speaker 00

  He's done over 60,000 interviews in 60 years and it's amazing some of the stories that he's shared. So get ready for an incredible, insightful interview with the legendary Larry King coming very soon. If you're brand new here and this is your first time listening, make sure to say hi to me over on Twitter and let me know what you thought about this interview and about the podcast. Also, make sure to subscribe over on iTunes, Stitcher, or SoundCloud because we post every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and I don't want you to miss a single episode of inspiration on how to achieve greatness in your life. So, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for showing up, for living powerfully, passionately, and with purpose. And you know what time it is.

• 1:01:09Speaker 00

  It's time to go out there and do something great.