357 What Are Your Agreements?

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Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:03Lewis Howes?

  This is Five Minute Friday, episode number 357. And what are your agreements?

• 0:11Lewis Howes?

  I was doing an interview today with Don Miguel Ruiz Jr., the son of Don Miguel Ruiz, who wrote The Four Agreements. And I had an incredible conversation with him that's coming out very soon on the podcast. But it brought me back to going over the Four Agreements and asking myself, am I living to the best of my ability to the Four Agreements? And what are the agreements that I'm currently having in my life? You know, what are the things that I agree on every single day? What do I live up to? What do I tolerate? What are my current agreements? And I want to go over the Four Agreements to give a recap and see how are you showing up and how are you living them on a scale of 1 to 10? Are

• 0:53Lewis Howes?

  you living these to the best of your ability? Or are you struggling with them? And in his book, Don Miguel Ruiz says that there are four agreements. And the first one is to be impeccable with your word. And this is the most important one, he says. It's also the most difficult one to honor. It is so important that just with the first agreement, you will be able to transcend to the level of existence that he calls heaven on earth. And being impeccable with your word, it sounds very simple, and it can be simple, but can also be extremely challenging. And I know, growing up, I was so, it was very challenging for me to be impeccable with my word. You know, I used to give little lies all the time. I used

• 1:36Lewis Howes?

  to cheat and steal and, and lie about things all the time to my dad, or my teacher, or whatever it may be, the coach. And I think I was just so afraid of what they would think about me. I was afraid of their reaction. I was afraid of how they would look at me, my image, that I would look tarnished if I was impeccable, or, you know, said something that I wasn't comfortable saying, that if I said I was going to do something that I was actually able to back it up. And that's hard for a lot of people. A lot of people don't speak with integrity. They, they don't say what they mean. They say things what they want other people to hear, as opposed to saying what they mean. And sometimes, saying what you mean can be hurtful, and it can hurt other people. But that's not your issue.

• 2:21Lewis Howes?

  That's their issue. But when we say things that...

• 2:26Lewis Howes?

  Aren't what we mean that aren't our truth. Just so we don't hurt other people, we actually end up hurting ourselves and them in the long run. So use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. Be impeccable with your word. That's the first one. The second one is don't take anything personally. Wow, now this is a, this is a challenging one, and I think it's probably one of the hardest ones that I've learned to master, and I'm still learning to master. And nothing others do, Don Miguel Ruiz says, nothing others do or say is because of you. It's because of them. So if someone starts yelling at you or screaming at you or judging you for something,

• 3:09Lewis Howes?

  um, or is commenting of something that you're doing online and saying nasty remarks, it's nothing about the thing that you've created or done or who you're being. It's about them. It's about their own issue, about their own judgment, about their own feelings. And it's not about you. And what others say and do is a projection of their own reality and their own dream, Don says. And he says that when we are immune to the opinions and actions of others, then we won't be a victim to needless suffering. And man, does that just hit me right in the heart when I, when I read that and think about it. Because when we are immune to the opinions and actions of others,

• 3:54Lewis Howes?

  we will no longer have suffering. And wow, it's so true. You know, there were so many years, decades where I was worrying and took so many things personally about what people said or what I thought they were going to say or what I thought they were going to think. Uh, I suffered so much in intimate relationships and friendships and sports teams. I suffered because I took so many things personally. Every attack on me was just that. It was an attack. As opposed to me being immune to other people and what they were saying and just saying, you know what? This is an attack on themselves and that's why they need to be judgmental. So don't take anything personally. Don't make assumptions. Don Miguel says, find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really.

• 4:35Lewis Howes?

  Want to communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life. Do not make assumptions, don't be passive aggressive with someone, communicate, use your words. Come from a place of love, come from a place of win win. How can we come together to agree or at least understand each other with a compassionate, loving space? But do not make assumptions about other people, what they're doing, what they have done, who they are. Come from love and communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings. Don't put it off, you know, there's so many people that want to avoid conflict.

• 5:18Lewis Howes?

  They won't say something to their partner or their relationship or someone in their family for years. They will stuff it down and they won't speak their truth calmly and clearly with others. And it hurts them and it hurts the relationship. So don't make assumptions and communicate with love. The last one he says is always do your best. This is a big agreement in his mind, always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment. It will be different from a moment when you're really healthy. To a moment when you're sick or when you're lacking sleep or you've had enough sleep. Your ability to give your best will change every single moment, every single day. So don't beat yourself up if you were, you know, a champion at something or gave the performance of your life a week ago.

• 6:03Lewis Howes?

  But today or next month, you don't do as well. You can't, you're, you're going to do differently based on where you're at in your life, based on your preparation, based on your health, based on many different factors and experiences. Where your mind's at, when your heart's at, based on a lot of different things, how young or old you are. So always do your best and don't dwell on things and don't beat yourself up and don't suffer.

• 6:31Lewis Howes?

  Endlessly because you're not doing as well as you used to do, or you're not doing as well as you think your potential to do. Always give your best and appreciate and acknowledge the effort that you've given. When we acknowledge the effort we've given and by simply doing our best, you will avoid self judgment, he says, self abuse and regret. You won't have to suffer when you say, you know what? Maybe this wasn't the performance that I wanted to do, but it was the best I could do right now. And all we can ask for is our best. That's all we can do. Lay it all on the field, lay it all on the line, put our hearts out there and give our best in every single moment. And that's all we can do. His agreements to wrap them up are be impeccable with your word. Don't take anything personally.

• 7:16Lewis Howes?

  Don't make assumptions and always do your best. When we live by those four agreements, life is a lot better. Ask yourself, are you living to the best of your ability to these agreements? And what are the agreements that you have in your life? What are the agreements that you stand by, that you live for, that you respect the most in your life? That are supporting you when you live by them? And what are the agreements that are hurting you when you don't live by those agreements? Take a moment to think about those. Either write them down or tweet me at Lewis Howes and let me know what you thought and your answers. And also make sure to pick up The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, which has sold well over 5 million copies.

• 8:01Lewis Howes?

  It's a practical guide to personal freedom. And as always, if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with your friends. If you know that this could inspire someone, share it out with your friends. LewisHowes.com/357. Make sure to subscribe to the podcast over on iTunes. We do this every single Monday, Wednesday and Friday. And I can't wait to share with you all the incredible interviews and inspiration that we have coming very soon. So make sure to subscribe over on iTunes.com/SchoolOfGreatness. Click the little subscribe button on your podcast app, either on your iPhone or your Android and stay connected and updated every Monday, Wednesday and Friday when these are released. I love you guys so much. Very much. You mean the world to me.

• 8:43Lewis Howes?

  This movement of greatness and inspiration is what I live for. And it means the world that you continue to show up, listen, comment, engage with me, and spread the message to your friends. You know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.