Fields of Deceit and Cons w/ Andy Richter

Laci welcomes comedian, writer, and now dancer Andy Richter (Dancing with the Stars, The Three Questions Podcast ) to dig up the sauciest of cons by R&V Warren Farms. Between 1997 and 2003, as the most successful tomato farmers on the eastern seaboard, they swindled the government out of $9 million before investigators discovered that the B in their BLT stood for “bullshit.” Stay schemin’! You can vote for Andy & Emma on "Dancing with the Stars" by texting ANDY to 21523 during show time (Tuesday from 8 pm to 10 pm ET & 5 pm to 7 pm PT)! CON-gregation, catch Laci's TV Show Scam Goddess, now on Freeform and Hulu! Did you miss out on a custom-signed Scam Goddess book? Look no more, nab your copy on PODSWAG Keep the scams coming and snitch on your friends by emailing us at [email protected]. Follow on Instagram: Scam Goddess Pod: @scamgoddesspod Laci Mosley: @divalaci Andy Richter: @richtercommaandy Research by Kathryn Doyle SOURCES https://www.citizen-times.com/story/news/2013/12/21/candler-tomato-farmer-sentenced-to-prison-/4151515/ https://www.npr.org/2005/11/14/5009836/tomato-farmers-caught-out-in-insurance-scam https://www.starnewsonline.com/story/news/2003/10/11/feds-farmers-faked-crop-loses-for-insurance-money/30527516007/ https://www.agweb.com/news/crops/crop-production/american-gothic-farm-couple-nailed-massive-9m-crop-insurance-fraud

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

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• 1:00Speaker 02

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• 1:13Speaker 03

  Zolair 150mg is a prescription medication used to treat food allergy in people one year of age and older to reduce allergic reactions due to accidental exposure to one or more foods. While taking Zolair, you should continue to avoid all foods to which you are allergic. Don't use if you are allergic to Zolair. Zolair may cause a severe, life-threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis. Tell your doctor if you ever had anaphylaxis. Get help right away if you have trouble breathing or if you have swelling of your throat or tongue. Zolair should not be used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis. Zolair is for maintenance use to reduce allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis, while avoiding food allergens. Serious side effects such as cancer, fever, muscle aches and rash, parasitic infection, or heart and circulation problems have been reported. Please see zolair.com for full prescribing information. Ask an allergist about Zolair.

• 1:56Speaker 03

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• 2:19Laci Mosley?

  What's poppin', congregation? It's your girl, Lacey Mosley, AKA Scam Goddess, and I'm back with another installment of the podcast all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Remember, y'all, this is still a comedy show, but the facts are real. We don't want to get sued. Now, y'all already know. It's honestly, like, isn't repetitive now? It's been six years. It's been six years. But you already know, I'm very, yes, excited, thrilled, elated, okay? Over the moon. Congregation, get ready, because today, we have an icon on the show. He's an actor, voice actor, oh, who? A voice actor, writer, game show host, and podcast host. He has been in over 1,000 episodes of Conan.

• 3:03Laci Mosley?

  1,341 episodes, to be precise. You might have heard him in American Dad, Big City Greens, Madagascar, and so much more. Congregation, please, get up out of your seats, okay? Get your fans up with the Martin Luther King on one side and the funeral home on the other. Stand up, wave them in the air, and welcome back legend Andy Richter to the show.

• 3:25Speaker 05

  Hi, Lacey. That's so nice.

• 3:27Laci Mosley?

  It's so true.

• 3:29Speaker 05

  Oh, it's very nice. You know, it's like, you know, when I'm picking up dog shit, I don't feel like an icon.

• 3:40Speaker 05

  It's nice to hear, but it does feel like, mm, that doesn't really feel, you know what I mean?

• 3:44Laci Mosley?

  I love that your dog is keeping you humble.

• 3:46Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 3:47Laci Mosley?

  Like, okay, you may be a star, but you are gonna pick up our poops, Mr. Star Man.

• 3:52Speaker 05

  That's right. That's right. Exactly.

• 3:54Laci Mosley?

  You ain't at the set right now. You ain't at the studio right now.

• 3:57Speaker 05

  No. Nobody cares.

• 3:59Laci Mosley?

  You at the dog park. I love that. Like, now you my bitch.

• 4:06Laci Mosley?

  Wait, what kind of dogs do you have?

• 4:07Speaker 05

  I have two. I have a one, I have a very comically different. One's 125 pounds. She's like Great Pyrenees Border Collie and German Shepherd. She's a big hairy guard dog. And then we have a seven pound poodle mix. Who's hilarious and really-

• 4:26Laci Mosley?

  Do they get along together?

• 4:28Speaker 05

  Oh, they love each other. They love each other and like they're, yeah, they're great. And the little one is just so, she's just joy. You know, she's just joy in a dog. And I, and we fostered a few dogs, some just to foster, some as kind of like a test run, which I highly recommend. Well, first of all, don't buy a dog. Rescue a dog. There's too many dogs in the world.

• 4:52Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, California, you can only, you're only supposed to, I think, rescue dogs, right?

• 4:55Speaker 05

  I don't, well, I think you can buy one from a breeder.

• 4:58Laci Mosley?

  You can go from a different state.

• 4:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, you, well, no, but I think there's still people here that breed dogs.

• 5:02Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, that's true. I thought you might as well be doing-

• 5:03Speaker 05

  There's no pet stores. It's just pet stores.

• 5:05Laci Mosley?

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:05Speaker 05

  You can't buy dogs in stores anymore because that's where the pet, the puppy mills were.

• 5:10Laci Mosley?

  Oh, they were feeding them to the, to the, the dog store.

• 5:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. Which hurt, you know, it's like, it used to be fun to go to the Beverly Center and see the puppies in the pet store, but that's like, can't do that anymore.

• 5:22Laci Mosley?

  Now I go to Larchmont and I feel like they're trying to scam me with those dogs. Because like I'll walk by and they'll like have a couple of them out on a leash. And I know they know to run up to you.

• 5:30Speaker 05

  Oh, you mean like the rescues?

• 5:31Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, they run up to you looking all cute and, and undamaged.

• 5:36Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 5:37Laci Mosley?

  They're like, don't worry, I wasn't in any cock fight.

• 5:39Speaker 05

  Intensive charm training before they take them out on the Larchmont.

• 5:43Laci Mosley?

  And I learned from my friend who does a lot of animal rescue, that a lot of shelters will actually take like two years off the dog's actual age because nobody wants like an old dog. So they'll like youthen up the dog a little bit.

• 5:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:58Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. And I was like, really? That's wild. And I know that's not happening everywhere, but I know it's happening some places for sure.

• 6:04Speaker 05

  It's strange too, because there are people who wanted to have senior dogs. Like there, I've known so many people that are, they'll just go get like- A seven year old dog and you know.

• 6:14Laci Mosley?

  They're like they're already broken in.

• 6:16Speaker 05

  Keep it till it dies and then go get another seven year old dog, you know?

• 6:19Laci Mosley?

  I guess in LA, there's a big commodity for young hot dogs.

• 6:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's right. That's right. Cause you never know if one of them might turn into an influencer.

• 6:28Laci Mosley?

  Oh, listen, okay? People are making a lot of money off their dogs. I can't believe it.

• 6:32Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:33Laci Mosley?

  You don't have an Instagram for your dog yet? Your dog needs to start earning a keep. It can't just be a freeloader in your house, just eat your free food.

• 6:39Speaker 05

  It would be too humiliating. Like, I'm not making enough money with showbiz that if my dog started to make more than me.

• 6:45Laci Mosley?

  You'd be jealous?

• 6:46Speaker 05

  I would, it would be, I couldn't take it, you know? And then she'd probably get emancipated and, you know, and I wouldn't see dime one.

• 6:55Laci Mosley?

  You come home and her doggy bed is by the door with all her toys. It's like, I, sorry, Boogie.

• 6:59Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. And then like Keanu Reeves picks her up on a motorcycle.

• 7:04Laci Mosley?

  On a motorcycle is crazy. She's in a dog bed holding Keanu Reeves. Oh, but then you gotta give your dog to Keanu Reeves, so he's great.

• 7:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, that, okay, that.

• 7:13Laci Mosley?

  If he comes to your door and he's like.

• 7:14Speaker 05

  I should have picked somebody else, like, I don't know.

• 7:17Laci Mosley?

  You know, John Wick was all about his dog.

• 7:18Speaker 05

  Tom Sandoval or something.

• 7:20Laci Mosley?

  We don't want him having your dog.

• 7:21Speaker 05

  Right, right.

• 7:21Laci Mosley?

  But Mr. John Wick, yeah, you gotta give up the dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, hold on, let me get her collar and things. She loves wet food.

• 7:28Speaker 05

  Right.

• 7:29Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. Can I visit her?

• 7:30Speaker 05

  I don't, I don't have to worry about you avenging her. Cause that's what you do.

• 7:35Laci Mosley?

  Right.

• 7:36Speaker 05

  John Wick.

• 7:37Laci Mosley?

  Andy, are you gonna avenge her?

• 7:39Speaker 05

  No. I mean, maybe if he kills her. I guess that's sort of the thing.

• 7:44Laci Mosley?

  No, Keanu would never. Wow, I hope your dog doesn't hear this podcast, but I also do. Stream this for your dogs in the other room, y'all. You know, we want those streams. But we do already, we kinda got into a scammy conversation talking about pet adoption a little bit. But what is your relationship with scams right now? Have you been scammed recently? Do you know any scams that have been run? Are there any scams that are just like really catching your eye and the zeitgeist? It could literally be anything.

• 8:05Speaker 05

  Well, I don't know why it is, and I'm not, and I'm not the only one. But somebody in the Philippines really wants to rip me off through my EZ Pass.

• 8:17Laci Mosley?

  Okay.

• 8:18Speaker 05

  You know, the thing in your car.

• 8:19Laci Mosley?

  Have you been getting those texts? Like, you didn't pay a toll?

• 8:22Speaker 05

  And all you gotta do is like, look up the country code and it's like, the Philippines. It's like, I don't think.

• 8:28Laci Mosley?

  We've outsourced EZ Pass to the Philippines. You didn't know? And now they text you.

• 8:33Speaker 05

  Right, right.

• 8:33Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, it's all the Manila.

• 8:34Speaker 05

  You gotta get in touch with us.

• 8:36Laci Mosley?

  Big warehouse of people just on smartphones.

• 8:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:38Laci Mosley?

  Yeah.

• 8:39Speaker 05

  I don't know if I told you this before, but there was a, I did almost get, and I'm embarrassed by it.

• 8:45Laci Mosley?

  Don't be embarrassed, this is a shame for you.

• 8:47Speaker 05

  I know, but, but you know what I mean? I mean, have you ever like, gotten too far into, and you're like, wait a minute, I'm being scammed, and why the fuck did I not know that before now? Has that ever happened to you?

• 8:59Laci Mosley?

  I mean, yeah, in specific ways, but it was kind of like, a different person was scamming me with a service, so like headshots or something like that.

• 9:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 9:07Laci Mosley?

  But like, when it comes to like a scam, I can usually sense it out pretty early. My issue is that I want to take it too far. But um, that's not to say that I haven't seen some wild scams or gotten pretty close to falling for something. But the clickable internet links, honestly, I'm getting a little fatigued with scamming, right now, which is crazy because I'm scam goddess, but I'm glad I can tell you this, Andy, that I am getting at least ten phone calls a day from scammers. It's, I'm getting voicemails, I'm getting text messages, I'm getting emails flooded, and like, my professional email, which I don't even put out publicly, and it is getting to the point where I just like, they come at 5 a.m., that's when they start, and I'm so pissed off, I've blocked so many numbers, and I'm just like, alright scammers, leave me the fuck alone. Like, at this point, we gotta fight. Like, meet me in the parking lot.

• 9:50Laci Mosley?

  Like, if you want this money, I'm gonna pop this trunk and get my bat out, and let's see who wins.

• 9:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 9:56Laci Mosley?

  Like, it's wild. But so you're getting the Manila situation, they're texting you, telling you about the EZ Pass.

• 10:01Speaker 05

  Well, no, there was, there was one point.

• 10:02Laci Mosley?

  But there's something else, right?

• 10:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, there was one point a few years ago. It was, actually, it was during COVID. Uh, because I was home and I think they woke me up with a phone call, and it was something, I don't remember. It had a legit tie into like something that I was buying or something, you know, they always had, there's like that little thing. And this guy's talking to me and he's like telling me, they're gonna give me a refund for something. And, and he's, and he asked like, you know, go to log into this thing so that I can see your hard drive to see where it is. And I was like, okay. And then looking and like, two seconds after I figured out it, I was like, what the fuck? What are you a grandpa? Well, like, what is going on? But I did. And he was looking at

• 10:48Speaker 05

  my computer and he's like, okay, now we need to have, well, they did something. They were like, oh no, we were gonna refund you $240, but we put two zeros on. So it's $24,000 or something like that.

• 11:02Laci Mosley?

  Right.

• 11:03Speaker 05

  And I was like, oh, what? And then like, we need to get into, you know, we need you to access your bank.

• 11:09Laci Mosley?

  So it's like 23.

• 11:12Speaker 05

  Yeah. And I just, and by that point, I just was like, all it took was I said, you know what? I'm gonna need a number to call you back. And I said, cause I have to call some people first. And he just went, eh, click and was done, you know?

• 11:25Laci Mosley?

  What's interesting is, is that they were calling you after a person, like a purchase you had made recently, which kind of like legitimized it a little bit more, which is why I understand why you would go for like, well, I did just buy this and like, okay, if this, you know what I mean? And they're on the phone with you. So there's a bigger sense of urgency. Like, like when you read something, that's why the scammers who send me the emails can't ever really get me. Cause like, I can check for grammar. I can check the email address. You know what I mean? Like Amazon ain't never hit me up with Amazon with a zero and a O, you know? Um, Hotmail is not where the IRS will contact you. Like, so it's like, when you're reading those, you can find a lot of spots. But when people call you, it's a little different. It's a little more urgent.

• 12:01Speaker 05

  Right. I just don't ever answer the phone. Unless I know who it is. I just don't ever answer the phone.

• 12:06Laci Mosley?

  But you work so much on sets and stuff. Like, do you have like a burner number for production people? Or no? Well, then like, you do have to answer some numbers. You don't know sometimes, right?

• 12:15Speaker 05

  Hmm. Yeah. But I mean, if it, if that does happen, somebody will leave a message and I'll chat, you know, I'll chat.

• 12:21Laci Mosley?

  Oh, that's smart.

• 12:22Speaker 05

  If there, if I think there's something. You know, like in the air, like I might be getting a call about something. They might leave a message and then I can, you know, immediately call them back.

• 12:32Laci Mosley?

  That's smart. I think we all gotta just start sending things to voicemail and then hoping that other person texts and then we'll be like, oh, okay, it's you if you don't know the number. Cause it's getting, it's so predatory now and it's such an onslaught that I can't imagine what it feels like to be someone else. Like, just like a person who doesn't like think about scams and stuff like that. Like you're, you could get got so easily. And also this one was one of those give a little to get a lot. Like, oh, we gave you too much money. We need you to send some back. And also like, I have never seen a company wanna give you your money back. So anytime a company connects with me and they're like, oh, we have a refund for you or oh, you got overcharged. I'm like, this isn't real. Corporations will keep all my money. And even if I make an accidental purchase, they will keep it and oh, you noticed that we took your money?

• 13:16Laci Mosley?

  Oh, that's crazy. So you want it back? Yeah, that's gonna take six to eight business months. And I'm like, I paid you.

• 13:22Speaker 05

  Months.

• 13:23Laci Mosley?

  I paid you in thirty seconds. Yeah. Yeah, we gotta do the processing, the shipping, the handling, the handling of the shipping. You get it.

• 13:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. A friend of mine, this is, this is, this one is so, so evil. Friend of mine, who's like a struggling actor, you know, he's been an actor his whole life, but it's, you know, it's, it's a struggle. There's lots, you know? And so he was behind on his utility bill. And, you know, he's like, gonna pay the bill, but he gets a call one morning and it's DM, whatever you call it, DWP. And they're like, you have to pay this now. It's gone too far. You need to come and you need to give us, you know, at least half of it or something, or pay the full amount.

• 14:11Laci Mosley?

  Since when is DWP talking about put something on it?

• 14:14Speaker 05

  They were like, they like, you have to do this now because we're, you know, you have to come down to this office. He's scared and he's, first of all, he's embarrassed that he's that far. You know, it's like, you feel like shit when you, when you're behind on your bills. They give him a number, an address. He goes down, it has signage. It's like, and there's like a, you know, he said, it seems, it seems kind of like it's, they just moved in, but it's still, they have signage. They have a receptionist, they have all this stuff. He goes in and has given, gives them a cashier's check for, I don't know, like fifteen hundred bucks. Finds out that it's completely a scam.

• 14:52Laci Mosley?

  Oh, no.

• 14:53Speaker 05

  That and and the part that's really because he went to the police about it.

• 14:57Laci Mosley?

  OK, good.

• 14:58Speaker 05

  And and the police are like, yeah, this has been happening and he goes and he says, they told him like that place that they'll be gone from there tomorrow. Like they they're in a different place, but they actually have you come down and physically give them a cashier's check. And it's all people who are worried about losing their fucking electricity.

• 15:17Laci Mosley?

  And you're preying on the like most vulnerable of the community.

• 15:20Speaker 05

  And it's gotta be somebody at the power company going, here's a list of people

• 15:24Laci Mosley?

  Who are delinquent.

• 15:25Speaker 05

  Getting the pink bills, you know, and and it's just, I just think like, god damn.

• 15:30Laci Mosley?

  And the police are just like, oh, yeah, this has been happening. Sir, police sirs, this is actually what we give you tax money for.

• 15:36Speaker 05

  I know, I know.

• 15:37Laci Mosley?

  Hell, you mean, oh, it's been happening. Anytime the black people want to congregate for a peaceful rally, y'all out here beating us with sticks and shit. But then as soon as we're like, can you do some police work? Like, oh, yeah, we heard about that. Let us know if you'll get any leads.

• 15:47Speaker 05

  The black people are easy to find. They're right there.

• 15:51Laci Mosley?

  They're right there. The scammers, not as easy.

• 15:53Speaker 05

  Not so easy.

• 15:54Laci Mosley?

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 15:55Speaker 05

  Good luck finding that person at the power company that's giving away people's names.

• 15:59Laci Mosley?

  God forbid you do some real police work. It's like, no, the black people are right outside. I can see them through my window.

• 16:04Speaker 05

  Listen, you know.

• 16:04Laci Mosley?

  But the scammer, I don't know who that is. You know, that's a lot more manpower. You want us to do stuff for the society? Oh, that's crazy. No, we're here to beat the society ass. I'm like, OK, thank you so much. Scams.

• 16:48Speaker 06

  Hello, hello. I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of Smart Talks with IBM. Imagine your business depends on a system you didn't build and don't fully control. For years, it works perfectly. It's fast, reliable, affordable. So over time, more and more of your operations rely on it. Then one day, the terms change. What once felt flexible now feels difficult to leave. Moving to another provider or bringing those capabilities back under your own control could take years, cost millions, and disrupt the business in the process. That's the challenge of digital sovereignty. Businesses today rely on all sorts of third-party

• 17:29Speaker 06

  systems: cloud platforms, data pipelines, AI models, software tools. Most days, these systems operate quietly in the background. But when something changes, like costs go up or rules shift, organizations are forced to confront how much control and flexibility they actually have. So to understand the challenge up close, I traveled to Paris to speak with IBM's Ana Paula Assis Anaxas CIO, Giovanni Daniele, two people who think about these questions every day. Hear the full conversation at ibm.com/smarttalks or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 18:13Speaker 02

  Hi, I'm Jenna Ashkowitz. You might know me from Glee. This is At the Table, the food allergy podcast, a show about food, connection, and what it really looks like to live with food allergies. Each episode, we hear stories from real people like Daniel. People would always think I was lactose intolerant. So I just kind of shortened my explanation to I'm deathly allergic in a big way that defined a lot of my childhood. And while there are challenges, there are moments that remind you you're not alone.

• 18:44Speaker 07

  One of the best guys that I dated, he made a point to memorize all my food allergies.

• 18:50Speaker 02

  So join us and hear their stories and more. Because living with food allergies isn't just about what you can't eat. It's about still having your seat at the table. Brought to you by Genentech and Novartis. Listen to At the Table, the food allergy podcast on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Follow At the Table and start listening on the free iHeartRadio app today.

• 19:13Speaker 05

  It's also really smart, too, that they're getting a cashier's check. Cause you can't stop that.

• 19:19Laci Mosley?

  You can't stop a cashier's check.

• 19:20Speaker 05

  You cannot stop. Yeah, it's done and, uh, and that's.

• 19:24Laci Mosley?

  That's why if you lose one, it's really bad. It's like, yeah, you can only put it back in your bank if you have the cashier's check.

• 19:29Speaker 05

  Cause if you could like, if you paid your utilities with a credit card, then you could, you know, if you could scam from that, you can.

• 19:37Laci Mosley?

  Yeah.

• 19:39Speaker 05

  Now she get the miles. I try and pay as much stuff as I can with credit cards just to get miles.

• 19:46Laci Mosley?

  Yeah.

• 19:47Speaker 05

  It's like, it's, it's like the one sort of silver lining in the cloud of paying too much for everything.

• 19:55Laci Mosley?

  Everything.

• 19:56Speaker 05

  You know?

• 19:56Laci Mosley?

  You know what I've also hated is like return policies now, like they'll give you a return policy at a store and it'll be like, okay, bring it back in 11 days or you can't return it. It's like, what is 11 days? Like they get very close to two weeks, just close enough that you forget.

• 20:10Speaker 05

  I wonder, yeah, I wonder what that is.

• 20:12Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. 12 day return policies. I've seen that a lot. Eight day return.

• 20:16Speaker 05

  There must be some sort of like.

• 20:18Laci Mosley?

  It's like a mental gymnastics of if you hear something that sounds close to a week or close to two weeks, but it isn't exactly.

• 20:22Speaker 05

  Oh, you think that's what it is? Yeah.

• 20:24Laci Mosley?

  I think people forget.

• 20:25Speaker 05

  See, I just was wondering if it's like based somehow on how long it takes credit cards to post or something, you know, I don't know.

• 20:32Laci Mosley?

  No, I think.

• 20:33Speaker 05

  I don't know shit about money.

• 20:35Laci Mosley?

  If you get a free trial on something on any app or, or buy something that you know, you know, you might not use, definitely like ask for the return policy and put the date, like the day before or two days before in your calendar as an alarm.

• 20:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:47Laci Mosley?

  So that you can cancel that service or return that item beforehand.

• 20:51Speaker 05

  I just, I just did. I was in New York City for about 12 days working on something, a guest spot on a show. Had a number of days off, sort of sprinkled throughout and, uh, I was using the city bikes. And I found like you join the city bike club or whatever.

• 21:10Laci Mosley?

  Everybody got a club.

• 21:11Speaker 05

  There's like this $4 charge every time you get a city bike out. And if you join and it had a free 15 day wait period. So like, all right, sure. I'll sign up for city bike. And then on the drive to the airport on my way home, I canceled it and I felt very clever.

• 21:28Laci Mosley?

  Yeah.

• 21:28Speaker 05

  Cause I saved, you know, it's probably by the time, cause I used to sit, those city, do you ever use those city bikes in New York City?

• 21:35Laci Mosley?

  Okay. So the last one I, uh, I kind of stole by accident.

• 21:39Speaker 05

  Oh, well, that happens.

• 21:41Laci Mosley?

  I mean, I felt bad though, cause I didn't know the person who left the bike would get charged for the bike. But it was pride and I just saw a bike and you know, it was time for me to be gay and do things. Like be gay, do crime. Yeah.

• 21:57Laci Mosley?

  And that's when I learned that you can, for the listeners out there, I don't have any DUIs, but just know you can get a DUI on a bike.

• 22:02Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 22:03Laci Mosley?

  I did not know that. It has wheels, y'all. So if you had a festival, don't try that at, don't try that. Okay? You walk next to it, put it down.

• 22:10Speaker 05

  That's on the person too, that just like left a city bike sitting somewhere. You gotta expect it.

• 22:15Laci Mosley?

  But for all I know, maybe they went to the bathroom, or maybe they were trying to find a bathroom or maybe they were talking to their friends. I don't know. I felt bad. I didn't know that that is like the city bike, if it doesn't get returned, you'll get charged. Yeah. I didn't know about that. Yeah. But I've city biked before. It feels very dangerous to me in New York.

• 22:31Speaker 05

  I just really liked it. And especially cause in New York now they have the e-bikes, which is like.

• 22:36Laci Mosley?

  Ooh, I'm like, okay, at this point it's giving car. Like maybe in the road, like.

• 22:41Speaker 05

  It's a little motorcycle, but it's, it's easier. You know, I was, they, they put me up in Brooklyn. And, and just to get around Brooklyn, you know, instead of like calling for a lift that would cost $30 to go from Greenpoint to Williamsburg to watch a movie. It's like, get on an e-bike and wee, you know?

• 23:02Speaker 05

  And just ride down the waterfront down, you know, it's, it was really, and it was summertime and it was, you know, sundown a couple of times. It was really nice. I really liked them.

• 23:11Laci Mosley?

  I would do it if I had better balance. I feel like you have good balance then. Cause you like e-bikes and city bikes and stuff. I feel like I'm just gonna take one wrong lean and then it's, I'm a skid mark. Like, you know?

• 23:21Speaker 05

  It is nerve wracking. You do have to like get over the hump of, oh shit. Cars are everywhere and they're going everywhere and this bike lane seems to be more of a suggestion than an actual lane that's being respected by anybody but me. So, okay, you know.

• 23:38Laci Mosley?

  I hate that they had a subscription service for it though. If I was riding every day and I lived in New York, maybe. But like I'm, I'm starting to really hate subscription services for things that shouldn't be subscriptions. I hate clothing subscription services. I can't even say it. Like, why am I subscribing to clothes? Many, many.

• 23:53Speaker 05

  That's crazy.

• 23:54Laci Mosley?

  I won't list them, but many. And it annoys me. They're like, oh, you get this.

• 23:58Speaker 05

  Do they send you clothes without you asking?

• 24:00Laci Mosley?

  Well, you go to the store and I went into an athletic store, if you know, you know, um, and they had like a steep, steep discount. So I was like, I'm just gonna get a bunch of athletic clothes right now and then cut off the service when I get home, but they make it really difficult to do. Like you have to go on their website, you know, write the, write, pen a handwritten letter, like send pictures of obituary. Like I do all this stuff to get out of it.

• 24:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:22Laci Mosley?

  Um, and some clothing brands have been sued for this. But, um, yeah, they were like, oh, this top and bottom is a hundred dollars if you don't, if you're not a member. But if you're a member, it's half off and it's only 50 or like even lower than that. They do like two for 20, but if you're not a member, two for 80.

• 24:39Speaker 05

  Two for a million. Yeah.

• 24:41Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. So it's a, it's a nice little scam, but I'm like, we don't need to subscribe to clothes.

• 24:45Speaker 05

  Wow. And it's a fee that you have to pay every month?

• 24:48Laci Mosley?

  Yeah.

• 24:48Speaker 05

  For the privilege of the savings.

• 24:49Laci Mosley?

  The privilege of having cheaper clothes. Cause you're gonna need so many leggings your whole life that this makes sense.

• 24:55Speaker 05

  Yeah. See, I don't, I don't buy enough clothes anymore.

• 24:59Laci Mosley?

  I feel like Jess, producer Jess figured out what site I'm talking about.

• 25:02Speaker 07

  No, but I'm part of one.

• 25:04Laci Mosley?

  You just figured, realized you're a part of one, Jess?

• 25:06Speaker 07

  No, I realized that I forgot to skip this month and they're gonna charge.

• 25:09Laci Mosley?

  No, our producer Jess just realized she's a part of one of those clothing, those clothing traps and she forgot to skip the payment.

• 25:17Speaker 05

  I, I lately have been having, and you know, I know this is a different, a different kind of business, but the membership that we have to the trampoline park in Alhambra is impossible to cancel.

• 25:30Speaker 05

  And they get you too because you go in and it's like the first time you go in, it's like it's thirty-five dollars.

• 25:36Laci Mosley?

  Andy, how much jumping were you planning to do?

• 25:37Speaker 05

  I got a five-year-old. You go and you, you know.

• 25:40Laci Mosley?

  Get him tired, tuckered out, okay.

• 25:42Speaker 05

  Exactly. It's like a hamster wheel for a human, you know. But the first time you go, it's like it's thirty-three dollars to come in, but only thirty-five to join and then you can come back as much as you want, you know, on weekdays, not on weekends and stuff. I'm like, okay, all right, sure, I'll do that. I'll do the thirty-five. And even while I'm doing it, I'm thinking like, because they're just counting on people forgetting that they've signed up for the trampoline park in Alhambra. And I have tried, I gotta go the fuck down there and say, "Take me off of you," because I've tried, I've called them.

• 26:20Laci Mosley?

  And you better get your jumps in. You better just get your jumps in.

• 26:22Speaker 05

  The, uh.

• 26:23Laci Mosley?

  It's like a gang. They gotta jump you out. You jump in, they jump you out.

• 26:26Speaker 05

  It's not even for me. Like, it's my daughter's, you know, it's her, it's connected to her. So when I go, I can't even jump. I have to pay money to jump if I want to. No.

• 26:38Laci Mosley?

  That's, oh, that's wild. You're paying for all the jumps and hops and you can't have none?

• 26:42Speaker 05

  You get a separate wristband and that, you know.

• 26:44Laci Mosley?

  It's just like I'm a parent.

• 26:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's a non-jumping wristband, you know.

• 26:48Laci Mosley?

  I wonder if we can get your daughter to do something so that y'all are banned? And then they have to cut off the thing, right? Like, maybe she just brings like a milkshake and like jumps with it?

• 26:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, or smokes.

• 27:02Speaker 05

  Just get on the drunk trampoline with a cigarette.

• 27:08Laci Mosley?

  Like, ma'am, you cannot come here anymore. Like, great, can you cancel our membership?

• 27:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 27:12Laci Mosley?

  She immediately is like, perfect, cancel. Andy Richter.

• 27:15Speaker 05

  Other kids are like, "I wanna smoke too." "That looks cool."

• 27:19Laci Mosley?

  "That looks so fun. Mommy, can I have a cigarette?" Yes. Well, let's get into my favorite segment here, Andy, Historic Hoodwinkings. This is where I will regale Andy with a famous con caper group of criminals. We'll get his opinions all throughout. Andy, this is the only safe space to interrupt a woman, so really cherish it.

• 27:37Speaker 05

  All right, I will.

• 27:41Laci Mosley?

  So, um, today, we're going back a little bit in time. Between 1997 and 2003, the most successful tomato farmers on the eastern seaboard swindled the government out of nine million before investors discovered that the "B" in their BLT stood for bullshit. So...

• 28:03Laci Mosley?

  So, tomato farmers, cool. In the late 90s, R and V Warren Farms was the largest vine-ripened tomato grower in the eastern US, employing about 200 people. Okay. And I wonder what those people look like. So it was... Period. Period.

• 28:23Speaker 05

  They probably look like, uh, Mario and Luigi.

• 28:27Laci Mosley?

  Right, stop playing that.

• 28:27Speaker 05

  We're making the tomato!

• 28:29Laci Mosley?

  I love that, "We're making the tomato."

• 28:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 28:32Laci Mosley?

  Yes, so it was run by Robert and Vicky Warren, a middle-aged married couple who seemed like typical down-home farmers. At one point, they owned 26 farms in three states, including North Carolina, South Carolina, and Tennessee. Then in 2003, the basement of their modest... In the basement of their modest farmhouse, Department of Agriculture investigators found liquid eraser bottles, copy machines, PVC pipes, and tens of thousands of forged documents.

• 29:04Speaker 05

  What is it? All those things? Liquid eraser and PVC pipes?

• 29:08Laci Mosley?

  Yes.

• 29:09Speaker 05

  Are they making disappearing bombs?

• 29:11Laci Mosley?

  Right, at first I was like, it's giving murder a little bit, but now it's kinda actually giving like, maybe we're like... Okay, liquid eraser...

• 29:21Speaker 05

  How does it all...

• 29:21Laci Mosley?

  Copy machines, PVC pipes, and... But they have forged documents, so maybe they're lifting the ink off of real documents.

• 29:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, maybe liquid eraser means like liquid paper. Yeah, yeah.

• 29:30Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, I hope it doesn't mean liquid paper, because if y'all were lifting it with liquid paper, then baby, like, how are y'all getting away with this?

• 29:36Speaker 05

  I love it. Just a real down-home... Yeah, it's real down-home kinda feel.

• 29:41Laci Mosley?

  You're right, and copy machines. So if it's the 90s and I put a little of that paper white on, and then I run it through the copy machine, then rewrite on top of it after it's dried properly. Otherwise, it's gonna get all... You know I get a little thick. I don't know these things, but okay, I can see what's happening.

• 29:59Speaker 05

  So by liquid eraser bottle...

• 30:00Laci Mosley?

  They mean whiteout? We don't know.

• 30:02Speaker 05

  We don't know.

• 30:03Laci Mosley?

  Whiteout or liquid eraser.

• 30:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, I don't know what that that that seems to be like, you know, that's like they're trying to use a non trademark.

• 30:12Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, let's look up liquid eraser.

• 30:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:15Laci Mosley?

  Because I would think it would be whiteout.

• 30:17Speaker 05

  It must be, yeah, it must be liquid paper or whiteout, which are the two brand names and they won't use that, you know?

• 30:23Laci Mosley?

  Right.

• 30:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:24Laci Mosley?

  No free ads in the in the press. It's whiteout, yeah, pretty much.

• 30:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, they were manipulating paperwork.

• 30:29Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, and then copying it so you couldn't, obviously, it's a nineties copy machine. It's not going to be like ours today, so you probably couldn't tell that it was whited out.

• 30:37Speaker 05

  Mm hmm.

• 30:38Laci Mosley?

  Oh, somebody had a very steady hand. You got to keep that line underneath black.

• 30:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, you gotta.

• 30:43Laci Mosley?

  So for six years, Robert and Vicky had been running a nine million dollar crop insurance scheme, the biggest farm fraud in the history of the US.

• 30:50Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 30:51Laci Mosley?

  And this is nineties nine million. So that was the nine million was nine millioning, okay? Nowadays, nine million, I mean, it's still a lot of money, but it's not what it was in the nineties.

• 31:00Speaker 05

  Nothing. Nine million.

• 31:03Laci Mosley?

  That's my walking around money now.

• 31:05Speaker 05

  Please.

• 31:06Laci Mosley?

  You renting when you got nine million?

• 31:09Speaker 05

  That's what my closing subscriptions cost.

• 31:12Laci Mosley?

  Truly, likely. So in nineteen ninety six, before they embarked on a life of crime, Robert and Vicky lived in a brick ranch style home with a pickup truck in the driveway in western North Carolina. Their buyers knew the Warren Farms produced big yields of high quality tomatoes. Everything was going great, so they were living legit. They were working legit.

• 31:34Speaker 05

  Right.

• 31:35Laci Mosley?

  I don't know why it's important for us to know they got a pickup truck in their driveway, but I guess they're folksy.

• 31:39Speaker 05

  I guess, yeah, I don't know, yeah.

• 31:42Laci Mosley?

  So in nineteen ninety seven, they bought crop insurance and all of a sudden their tomato harvest started to take a hit. Or so they said.

• 31:53Laci Mosley?

  So when they started getting that good insurance, they were like, oh, no, the pests, the the all of our asides didn't work on the pests.

• 32:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:01Laci Mosley?

  We we have less tomatoes. Um, I don't know, a bear came and ate all our shit.

• 32:07Speaker 05

  Aphids.

• 32:08Laci Mosley?

  So many aphids.

• 32:09Speaker 05

  So many aphids.

• 32:10Laci Mosley?

  You wouldn't believe it was a swarm.

• 32:12Speaker 05

  They came up from the border.

• 32:17Laci Mosley?

  We need to deport the aphids.

• 32:18Speaker 05

  We need to do something.

• 32:20Laci Mosley?

  No, no, no.

• 32:26Speaker 00

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• 34:12Speaker 02

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• 34:27Laci Mosley?

  In 1997, Robert planted his farm in Spartanburg, South Carolina. He told the E.L. Ross Insurance Company that he planted on April 15th. The date allowed under his policy. In reality, he planted between April 4th and April 12th. Later, he filed a claim for cold weather damage in April and May and collected $157,712,000. Incredible insurance. So he planted earlier than what he said. So he got the crop popping and then harvested it and was like, oh no, my crops, they froze in April. Cause it's so cold in South, is it cold in South Carolina in April?

• 35:10Speaker 05

  In wintertime in the interior and in the mountains.

• 35:12Laci Mosley?

  Is April winter?

• 35:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, I get, I bet you still get freezes, which can kill a tomato plant.

• 35:17Laci Mosley?

  That's true, that's true. So they also reported remarkably minimal yields on several farms. So they're basically saying, we're not making no money on some of these farms that we got. These farms are broke. So on the Spartanburg farm, they claimed a harvest of 9,862 boxes of fresh tomatoes. The actual harvest was 7,000, the actual harvest was 78,670 boxes.

• 35:42Speaker 05

  Oh my god.

• 35:42Laci Mosley?

  They said they did nine, they didn't, they basically did almost 10 times the amount that they reported. And they pocketed nearly $150,000.

• 35:51Speaker 05

  See, that's just, you're dumb. Like you pocket 25 grand. Don't make it so obvi, you know what I mean?

• 35:58Laci Mosley?

  Or maybe don't file an insurance claim every year.

• 36:01Speaker 05

  There, yeah, I mean, there's, there's the don't do it, uh, school of thought.

• 36:06Laci Mosley?

  Like you gotta do a little insurance fraud as a treat.

• 36:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:09Laci Mosley?

  You can't be doing it.

• 36:10Speaker 05

  Lying by tenfold or eight, ninefold, that's crazy.

• 36:13Laci Mosley?

  No. So for their 10 farms in 1997, the warrants claimed losses on five. They received 644.

• 36:22Laci Mosley?

  Thousand dollars in crop insurance or premium credits for their scheme. So I know the crop insurance company gotta be tired at this point.

• 36:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's got a race red flag.

• 36:32Laci Mosley?

  Cause insurance doesn't want to give you your money anyway. You could pay your whole life and get sick on, you know, like in your eighties. And they'll be like, oh, actually we're gonna cancel your policy.

• 36:40Speaker 05

  It makes, it makes me curious too is like, how does the crop insurance thing work? Like, they just take your word for it? Like, I planted a bunch of corn and, ah, I don't know, something killed it. Give me some money. Like, they're just like, oh, okay.

• 36:54Laci Mosley?

  I would imagine there's a claims adjuster because they did lie about when they plot, they, um,

• 36:59Speaker 05

  Right, right.

• 37:00Laci Mosley?

  You know, dropped the seeds, what are farmer words? When they planted, you know, they lied about it. So they must've had to harvest before then claims adjuster came. Yeah, and if they filed on the fifteenth and they harvest on the twelfth, that gives them plenty of time to like,

• 37:13Speaker 05

  I guess, yeah, yeah.

• 37:15Laci Mosley?

  For the adjuster to come. So they hadn't actually lost anything, right? They were still producing the same tomatoes and selling them out the back door. Additional profit on top of the insurance gambit, right? So they ran the same scheme in nineteen ninety-eight, dramatically lowered overall harvest numbers, fudged figures between fields and netted one million dollars in insurance money. Then they decided to go big, cause one million wasn't big enough. Also, they're, they're selling the surplus of tomatoes that they didn't claim out the back door. What does a backdoor tomato deal look like, Andy?

• 37:50Speaker 05

  Um, it's at night.

• 37:54Speaker 05

  I don't know, how would I know?

• 37:57Laci Mosley?

  I feel like you've done a backdoor tomato deal once or twice.

• 37:59Speaker 05

  I would never, I, listen, I have never, I would only, I only buy tomatoes uh, from registered tomato vendors. Would never buy my tomatoes on the street.

• 38:11Laci Mosley?

  You don't know, they might've been black market tomatoes that you were giving, okay? You know, how are we supposed to trace that?

• 38:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, there's no way to know.

• 38:17Laci Mosley?

  Okay, I mean, look, there's some really nice stores out there and I'm sure they get them nice tomatoes from somewhere. So, by nineteen ninety-nine, the Warrens had twenty farms and they claimed losses on eighteen of them. Using forged chemical receipts, sales figures, surveyor la, surveyor letters, acreage reports, planting dates, like fudging the planting dates, which we already saw, payroll records, they were fudging that too, and these people ain't on the payroll, invoices, manifests and more, like literally any document you could fake, they were faking it.

• 38:49Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 38:50Laci Mosley?

  Like some of these, I'm like, did you even really need to fake this?

• 38:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, that it's almost like at a point, it's like it's a compulsive disorder or something.

• 38:59Laci Mosley?

  Yeah.

• 38:59Speaker 05

  You know what I mean? Cause it's like, especially too, if they're like, where's this money going? If they're living in this modest ranch house.

• 39:06Laci Mosley?

  Right.

• 39:06Speaker 05

  I mean, does the, does the pickup truck turn into a monster truck? Is that the tip off that they get? That's the gravedigger. Uh, that's the famous monster truck.

• 39:16Laci Mosley?

  The gravedigger.

• 39:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 39:18Laci Mosley?

  And the, the license plate is like tomatoes.

• 39:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Insurance fraud.

• 39:26Laci Mosley?

  Oh, that's too many letters. Okay, just make it F R D. Okay. Yeah. I N S F R D.

• 39:32Speaker 05

  Right. Just make it uh, B M T, black market tomatoes.

• 39:36Laci Mosley?

  Yes. Oh, B M T is good. Yes. So they claimed 512,000 tomato boxes in 1999. So they, I guess some of this money was going into expansion because they did buy more farms. They just claimed that those farms weren't working very well.

• 39:50Speaker 05

  Cause that's the business thing. If you're not making money, you buy more businesses that don't make money. That's, they teach that in, in business school.

• 39:59Laci Mosley?

  I learned it.

• 39:59Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's really a smart way to do it.

• 40:01Laci Mosley?

  It is. Especially if you want to do insurance fraud, which they also teach in business school.

• 40:05Speaker 05

  Mm hmm.

• 40:06Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. I take the classes and be like, so how, if I were to do this,

• 40:11Laci Mosley?

  how would I stop someone from doing it? What are the signs?

• 40:12Speaker 05

  I need to know.

• 40:13Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. Could you list everything that someone would do to do insurance fraud so I can keep an eye on?

• 40:17Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. I've got it. Yeah. Just what are the, what are the markers?

• 40:20Laci Mosley?

  Like you have to learn a lot of that if you work in insurance, like, and you can use those skills on both sides of the coin.

• 40:25Speaker 05

  There's always that, you know, it's like every casino, it's like the people that they hire to stop the cheaters are former cheaters.

• 40:32Laci Mosley?

  Mm hmm.

• 40:32Speaker 05

  And I'm, and I'm sure that the IRS has tax cheats.

• 40:35Laci Mosley?

  Oh yeah, the government does it all the time. They'll let you out early if you can tell them how you defrauded them.

• 40:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. Or hackers, same thing.

• 40:41Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, I'm big for hackers. Yeah. I don't know though, if I was a really good hacker, I'm not working for Uncle Sam. Well, I guess they got you under a bind because they caught you. So now you gotta go.

• 40:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 40:50Laci Mosley?

  That's true. So. Their 1999 haul was 3.8 million dollars in insurance money. That was in insurance money.

• 40:58Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 40:59Laci Mosley?

  It's not even their haul for like legitimate backdoor tomato in the alley at night in a trench coat sale.

• 41:05Speaker 05

  Right.

• 41:06Laci Mosley?

  This is just insurance fraud. So this all comes from private insurance companies and is later reimbursed by the federal government. So the private insurance company, I could see them not looking that hard because

• 41:17Speaker 05

  They know they're gonna get the money.

• 41:18Laci Mosley?

  Insurance is a scam. Somebody was like, look, Uncle Sam got us, so we ain't even gonna.

• 41:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:22Laci Mosley?

  What should I say? No tomatoes this year from all 20 farms? That's crazy. How much y'all need? 12 million?

• 41:31Laci Mosley?

  At no point, nobody's like, maybe y'all should get out of this business.

• 41:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:34Laci Mosley?

  No insurance, just a call and it's like, hey, uh, hey, guys.

• 41:38Speaker 05

  Maybe corn.

• 41:39Laci Mosley?

  Hey, the Warren family. Yeah, maybe corn.

• 41:41Speaker 05

  Maybe corn.

• 41:42Laci Mosley?

  Have you guys thought about grapes?

• 41:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:44Laci Mosley?

  I don't know.

• 41:44Speaker 05

  Something sturdy like pumpkins.

• 41:47Laci Mosley?

  Or maybe not farming, maybe that's an option.

• 41:50Speaker 05

  Right, right, exactly.

• 41:51Laci Mosley?

  You just don't farm anymore. They're like, no, no, no. So in 2000, they had 26 farms and doubled down with the tomato and strawberry fraud. Now we got strawberries in the mix.

• 42:00Speaker 05

  Oh, no. Leave strawberries alone.

• 42:03Laci Mosley?

  Nope, strawberries are involved now. Miss Shortcake, count your days. You're going to jail, babes.

• 42:08Speaker 05

  I mean, tomatoes, you know, tomatoes are very sort of ethically challenged. They're just a very, of all of the fruits and vegetables, they are the scammiest, schemingest. Everyone knows that.

• 42:21Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, because tomatoes be out here pretending to be a vegetable every day. It's like, you're a fruit. Like, you're already lying to me.

• 42:27Speaker 05

  Precisely.

• 42:28Laci Mosley?

  Yeah.

• 42:28Speaker 05

  But strawberries, they, they've done nothing. No harm to anyone.

• 42:32Laci Mosley?

  They didn't deserve this.

• 42:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:33Laci Mosley?

  So this payout that they got in 2000 from the 26 farms was $2,254,000.

• 42:40Speaker 05

  Jesus.

• 42:40Laci Mosley?

  Mm-hmm. And so on Independence Day of 2001, shout out to the Fourth of Julacy. The Warrens pulled their biggest fraud yet. That year, they had switched insurance companies to firemen's fund and added a new farm in Cock County, Tennessee. So now, I don't know why y'all switching insurance companies, because if it ain't broke, keep scamming it.

• 43:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:04Laci Mosley?

  But, okay. As usual, they faked production records for the property, pretended to have grown the tomatoes.

• 43:10Speaker 05

  Wait a minute. You know what they probably did? I bet you the premiums from the company that they were already scamming, they're probably like, these premiums are too high. Like, they're charging us too much for ripping them off. We need to find someone with, that charges us less for ripping them off.

• 43:28Laci Mosley?

  I love that mentality. They're like trying to save money on the money they're stealing.

• 43:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:32Laci Mosley?

  They're like, how dare you charge me to put them out there?

• 43:34Speaker 05

  Right, right.

• 43:35Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, there ain't no robbery taxes.

• 43:37Speaker 05

  And I've also, I've also been thinking like, hmm, I wonder who they voted for? There's that one.

• 43:43Laci Mosley?

  Oh, we know who they voted for.

• 43:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, and then, and then also too, I wonder how they feel about people on welfare? You know, that's, there's so, that's, there's so much of that among the farm world of like, you know, oh, these people soaking up all the benefits like says.

• 43:59Laci Mosley?

  Which is wild, they were so hardcore. And if, if my point wasn't clear earlier, like farmers are really hardcore about voting for that man and deportation, mass deportation. And now when they realize like, like the people who they employ are afraid to come to work, they're like, wait, wait, wait, not like that, not like that. Like, let me cap my employees, but I don't know any other, any other Browns on the street? Any Brown? It could be any race, it could be any race, but not, not my employees, I love them.

• 44:23Speaker 05

  Somebody with a tan, you know, just, yeah, yeah.

• 44:25Laci Mosley?

  Someone who just got back from the Bahamas.

• 44:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, a well-tanned person, get them.

• 44:29Laci Mosley?

  No, it's so ridiculous and hypocritical and also like, you know, like people who work on farms provide a service that is so immeasurable. It's like, don't, don't we all need food to live?

• 44:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, but there's lots of, there is lots of welfare for farming and like, like a lot of subsidies for corn, so that they grow way too much corn than what is necessary.

• 44:52Laci Mosley?

  Yep, and then destroy it.

• 44:53Speaker 05

  And then they either destroy it, or they like, strong-arm people to make ethanol, like corn fuel, you know, and just things like that, or. Corn syrup, you know, like it's.

• 45:04Laci Mosley?

  It's wild when you learn like the food pyramid was a scam. That was just made by like people in agriculture industry.

• 45:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:10Laci Mosley?

  Or all those commercials that used to be like got milk. They were really trying to get you to just buy milk. And then be like, oh, milk's so good for your bones, so good for you. Do you want brittle ass balls? But then you better get your brittle ass over here and get some milk. And it's like, that's not the only way to get vitamin D, guys.

• 45:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 45:25Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, but it was a conspiracy, but I thought they were just trying to make me feel more healthy. That's why if you see something online and it's like, now we've learned that eating 10 eggs a day can improve your lifespan. And then like a month later, it'll be like, eggs are bad for your heart, for the cholesterol. And it's like, there's someone propagating this whole thing. And I don't even think about it, because those that are under the guise of health, I'm like, oh, that's just the government trying to help us be healthy. No, they're trying to offload shit on us.

• 45:51Speaker 05

  Yes. And you don't even need to worry about any of that, because the planet is ruined. So, you know, yeah, easy come, easy go.

• 46:00Laci Mosley?

  Yo, my Uncle Jeffrey, um, he's from the south. And sometimes like my southern relatives may have like some differences of opinions when it comes to like the environment and things like that. So I kind of hold my breath if we get to a more progressive conversation. And that's not all of them, it's just a handful.

• 46:14Speaker 05

  If you're, you just bite your tongue, just because you're like, let's just get out of this.

• 46:18Laci Mosley?

  But, right, yeah, yeah. Now, listen, I'll take you to task, because you're talking crazy. I'm not going to let some bullshit and some bigotry slide. But if it's something where I'm like, neither of us is going to fix this, I'm just going to let that go. But if you got hate in your heart, I'm going to have to walk you down.

• 46:30Speaker 05

  Absolutely.

• 46:31Laci Mosley?

  But, so, we were talking, we got on the subject of climate change. I think because our straws came and they were just like the saddest paper straws. And you know how they just go limp in your mouth after a while? And I'm like, if we're going to crack down on that, can we also crack down on like, I go, if I buy anything from a luxury store, they send me home with 50 reams of paper. And six boxes. I mean, I feel like y'all could just put the shoe in the bag. Like, if everybody gonna do their part, if I got to suck on a limp straw, y'all don't have to have all this paper. But, I digress. So, I was talking to him and I was like, oh yeah, this paper straw, I was like, oh, that fucking turtle, I still hate that turtle to this goddamn day. That turtle with the straw and its snout, and then after that, we were like, everybody has to have paper straws. But, I have beef with that turtle. But, you never saw the turtle?

• 47:08Speaker 05

  No, I did, but your uncle saying this about the turtle?

• 47:12Laci Mosley?

  I'm saying this.

• 47:13Speaker 05

  This is really blaming the victim, though.

• 47:15Laci Mosley?

  No, no, that turtle needs to be blamed.

• 47:18Speaker 05

  That turtle knew what it was doing.

• 47:19Laci Mosley?

  Franklin's bitch ass needs to come outside, okay?

• 47:21Speaker 05

  That turtle was at a hardcore punk show.

• 47:23Laci Mosley?

  Turtles live for like a hundred years. That turtle was not pressed about that straw, but, fine, whatever. And, but I was like, but you know what? We gotta save the planet, we gotta do right by the planet. So I'm gonna suck on this paper, I'm gonna suck on it, ugh, whatever.

• 47:35Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:36Laci Mosley?

  And he was like, yeah, I mean, climate change, huh, to me, it's just like, and I was like, holding like, bated breath. And he was like, climate change, it's just to me, like, well, I mean, it's all gonna be over. What are we fighting for? Like, yeah, like, let's just party and have fun with the time that we got. And I was like, what?

• 47:54Speaker 05

  Until we all get boiled alive.

• 47:56Laci Mosley?

  Not the nihilists. I thought he was gonna be like, climate change is fake. He was like, no, very real, let's just turn up with the, the last little bit.

• 48:03Speaker 05

  Too late, we fucked up.

• 48:05Laci Mosley?

  He was like, Earth had a good run, it was, it was, we were having a time.

• 48:10Laci Mosley?

  I'm like, Earth had a good run, it's crazy. You giving up?

• 48:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:14Laci Mosley?

  You giving up? Okay, okay. I'm like, I'm still trying, I'm gonna suck on the paper. But he was like, nah, let's just give up. It was so funny, I was dead. But anyways, back to these people. So they switched their insurance company, right? They were like, them, like, I really think it's what you said, Anthony, like, the premiums are too high. Lower premiums for our crime. And so they switched companies and now they're with, um, this new place, yeah.

• 48:38Speaker 05

  Fireman.

• 48:39Laci Mosley?

  Fireman.

• 48:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:40Laci Mosley?

  Which, why is the fire, oh, why is the fireman involved? Why are they in it? Wait, I wanna find, yeah, fireman's fun. I don't understand why the fireman's is involved, but okay. So, as usual, they faked their everything, um, pretending to have grown tomatoes on the ground since 1991, created a full decade of forced documents with notarized lease agreements, false testimony from a realtor. Now we got a realtor involved, okay?

• 49:04Speaker 05

  Not Realtors.

• 49:06Laci Mosley?

  Listen Realtors, like, there are Realtors who really are talented at realty and like getting you a great property or home that you love. And then there's Realtors who were scamming and doing other shit and they were like, what can I do next? Get my real estate license? You know, so you have those. The real, some Realtors in New York, when they're showing you apartments for rent, I'm like, bro, you ain't no Realtor. Like, you are a dude that they hired to just hang out at the building and let us see it.

• 49:31Speaker 05

  That's right.

• 49:31Laci Mosley?

  You don't know shit about this place.

• 49:33Speaker 05

  Open doors.

• 49:34Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, literally. He's like, yeah, so you see here, you got cabinets. Yeah, over here, we got, we got this, this is one of the bedrooms. Is this, is this the main bedroom? It's one of them. It's, yeah.

• 49:45Speaker 05

  One of my favorite little, little real estate scams that ever happened was, uh, when my ex-wife and I, we moved to New York and we were looking for an apartment. A guy, and like an agent shows us one and as we're going up the stairs, this couple is coming down the stairs and they're like, we really love it. It's really great. And then he shows it to us. And it was, you know, okay or anything, but we didn't pull the trigger on it. It was in our neighborhood and like a day later I was walking by there. That same couple was waiting. They were plants that like walked out. They were like waiting and I saw

• 50:28Speaker 05

  the Realtor coming up with another client and they're like, we love it, you know? It's fantastic. Yeah.

• 50:35Laci Mosley?

  Over asking.

• 50:36Speaker 05

  Right.

• 50:37Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, no. So they also had, you know, their fake planting dates, their fake spraying records, bogus harvest records, false diagrams detailing a fantasy irrigation system that they wanted to make. Mm-hmm, fantasy irrigation. 2001, they stepped their shit up, okay? They got on Microsoft Paint and they said, let's make a fantasy. Then you know what? They probably got on, uh, PowerPoints. You know, and they made a fantasy and they had hundreds of fake invoices. So, once they got crop insurance in place, the Warrens planted 252 acres of tomatoes, but had actually only planted five. Acres. So what you mean? So when they got the insurance in place, they planted two hundred fifty two acres of tomatoes.

• 51:21Laci Mosley?

  But had actually only planted five acres. I'm gonna let you guess which acreage is accurate. So on July fourth, their brand, on the fourth of July, see, excuse me. Their brand new farm was devastated by a freak hailstorm on a day with clear blue skies. The farm employees purchased bags of ice and mothballs from the grocery store through a load of tomato plants. I'm sorry, through the loads around the tomato plants and snapped photos of the hailstones. Falling from the sky with a disposable camera. So you know how how hell be. It looks like mothballs. And it definitely happens on the fourth of July.

• 52:00Speaker 05

  Fourth of July.

• 52:01Laci Mosley?

  Fourth of July, excuse me. Oh, my gosh. So thank you for correcting me. According to Bobby Chambers, who ran the farm in Tennessee, do we have a photo of Bobby? Bobby said, Bobby said, the way we did it, we was down taking pictures out this row. And then we just stood behind it and threw up, threw the ice up over top. To me, it looked like a hailstorm.

• 52:26Speaker 05

  In broad daylight.

• 52:27Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, in broad daylight, no rain inside. And listen, we don't got Photoshop that good right now, right now. It's two thousand one. Everybody ain't got, you know, came forward.

• 52:35Speaker 05

  There's no, there's a, there's like, I mean.

• 52:38Laci Mosley?

  Y'all couldn't even have somebody throw the ice on Bobby.

• 52:40Speaker 05

  And look at, there's a driveway behind where there's, there's no, there's no.

• 52:43Laci Mosley?

  There's no hail.

• 52:44Speaker 05

  There's no hail over there.

• 52:45Laci Mosley?

  Y'all gotta put the fake hail everywhere.

• 52:47Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's not destroying the, the stuff in behind. Yeah.

• 52:52Laci Mosley?

  It's like, we ain't harvested that yet, so the hail didn't hit it. The hail didn't want that. I'm like, what?

• 52:56Speaker 05

  Is this what got him caught? Please tell me that this, this photo scam is what got him caught.

• 53:01Laci Mosley?

  Please. So basically, he, he's telling everybody where to look. He said, to me, it looked like a hailstorm. To me, it don't, Bobby. Bobby, it don't look like a hailstorm to me, Bobby Chambers. Then they picked up wooden tomato stakes and acted or attacked the plants. So they picked up wooden tomato stakes and attacked the plants.

• 53:21Speaker 05

  Right. To simulate the damage that the hail would have done.

• 53:25Laci Mosley?

  Cause you know how hail be attacking the plant. Yes, in July, in a clear sky.

• 53:30Speaker 05

  It hates tomatoes.

• 53:31Laci Mosley?

  Yes, and definitely doesn't look like ice that Bobby threw up in the air real quick. He was like, take your picture on three, on three.

• 53:38Speaker 05

  And it's amazing how well hail can target tomatoes from the sky. Like, doesn't really fall around the area, just right on the tomatoes.

• 53:46Laci Mosley?

  And you know, when you need to file an insurance claim for hail, it's important to go out in the actual hail and take pictures with the hail hailing on you.

• 53:56Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 53:57Laci Mosley?

  You don't wait till it's over.

• 53:58Speaker 05

  Every farm has tons of disposable cameras, just in case.

• 54:02Laci Mosley?

  So, oh no, I had to have to read this. This is also Bobby Chambers. They had one Mexican who did all the beating. He beat sixteen thousand of them. He just go through there and knocked the leaves off of them, Bobby said.

• 54:21Speaker 05

  Yeah. That Mexican love beating tomatoes.

• 54:24Laci Mosley?

  He's like, I don't need no help, I'll beat all the tomatoes. So to replant two hundred fifty-two acres of tomatoes, the Warrens got ninety-eight thousand dollars in two thousand one. For over seventeen farms, they received, for over the seventeen farms, they received one million dollars from the Fireman's Fund and claimed they were owed an additional three point eight million dollars. That's when the US Department of Agriculture finally started an investigation. That's when, it wasn't the hail photos, it was that they came back again and they were like, you know what, actually this time we want three point eight million. Like, you already made so many millions. Before the three point eight, they were probably at around five point eight million. So why, why?

• 55:06Speaker 05

  I don't know, just greedy maybe, or who knows, maybe they had like, maybe there's some gambling thing going on, you know, sometimes that happens.

• 55:14Laci Mosley?

  They gotta clean up all them mothballs, that's at least a meal.

• 55:17Speaker 05

  Oh, absolutely. And life is, you know, in rural western North Carolina, life is very expensive.

• 55:23Laci Mosley?

  Oh, so expensive, expensive as hell.

• 55:28Laci Mosley?

  So the USDA official estimate of about 5% of crop insurance payouts each year go to phony claims. That's pretty low, in my opinion, about the same proportion found in other types of insurance. The farmer buys an insurance policy that provides partial coverage, usually 50 to 60% for the crop that he expects to raise. So that's why they started upping the crops that they wanted to raise, because then they could also up the amount of insurance money that they received, even though they were lying and foraging about those crops. So the insurance agent sells him the policy. The loss adjuster is ditch bats to inspect the field if the farmer claims a disaster. If the disaster is confirmed, the crop insurance comes, right? And you get a check. And then the US Treasury, which guarantees the risk

• 56:12Laci Mosley?

  farm insurance, often reimburses the insurance company. So the warrants were stealing the government's money, and we realized that a long time ago. Man, you really can't steal from the government. They can only steal from us. It's a one-way theft street.

• 56:23Speaker 05

  Right, right.

• 56:25Laci Mosley?

  You try to take from Uncle Sam, he gonna get your ass. He gonna be like, "We want you in prison."

• 56:29Speaker 05

  Yep. You need to know that.

• 56:31Laci Mosley?

  So the insurance companies weren't dumb, though. They were in on it. And we kind of had a hunch about that, too, because when we found out the government was running it back, it's like, "Yeah."

• 56:42Speaker 05

  Right, right.

• 56:43Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, y'all got millions of acres, and we definitely gonna get y'all that billion.

• 56:46Speaker 05

  Sure was too bad about your tomatoes.

• 56:48Laci Mosley?

  Right. Everything looks real hellish up here.

• 56:52Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, sure. They look pretty ruined over there.

• 56:55Laci Mosley?

  The claims adjuster comes out, he gets him one of the photos, they throw ice up in the air. "Looks like hell to me." So insurance agent George Cassir coached the warrants in detail about how to perpetuate the fraud.

• 57:09Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 57:10Laci Mosley?

  Oh, and we were saying earlier, oh my gosh, that insider knowledge, if you have it from the insurance company. Look at us, geniuses. Then, adjuster Thomas Jeffrey Marsh testified that his supervisor at the insurance company instructed him to lie on crop damage forms for the warrants. It took federal prosecutors three years to unravel the warrant scheme. He charged the warrants, as well as two of their employees, an insurance agent, and an insurance adjuster, with participating in extensive scheme to defraud the Federal Crop Insurance Corporation. So this is the federal prosecutor who charged them.

• 57:46Laci Mosley?

  Robert's attorney said it's fine for the government to issue sentencing memoranda and make Robert Warren appear to be the Saddam Hussein of crop insurance, but he's not. The Saddam Hussein of crop insurance is crazy.

• 58:01Speaker 05

  2001.

• 58:02Laci Mosley?

  Not Osama bin croppin'.

• 58:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, the Jeffrey Dahmer of tomatoes. He's not that at all.

• 58:10Laci Mosley?

  Oh, it is 2001, so remember like Saddam Hussein was a really popular name at the time.

• 58:17Speaker 05

  Yeah, he was hot then.

• 58:18Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, a lot of babies named Saddam.

• 58:22Laci Mosley?

  So Bobby Chambers testified for the government and got two years probation. Honestly, the way that Bobby Chambers speaks, get him a probation. He knows it's not what he do.

• 58:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 58:32Laci Mosley?

  He was throwing ice in the air, talking about, "Look at him." That's a simpleton if I've ever seen one.

• 58:37Speaker 05

  It weren't my fault.

• 58:38Laci Mosley?

  Right. He was like, "All I did is throw the ice in the air like they told me to."

• 58:43Speaker 05

  I'm a good German.

• 58:44Laci Mosley?

  Yeah.

• 58:45Speaker 05

  I do as I was told.

• 58:46Laci Mosley?

  We threw the ice up in the air and I picked some tomatoes.

• 58:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:49Laci Mosley?

  Yes, okay Bobby, it's okay, you can be free. I hope you and your Mexican friend are both free. I hope the Mexican man was not charged.

• 58:58Speaker 05

  No.

• 58:58Laci Mosley?

  Seeing as we don't have his name, I hope he was not charged because he didn't do nothing but what he was assigned to do at the job house.

• 59:04Speaker 05

  Absolutely.

• 59:05Laci Mosley?

  If I go to the job house and they like whack on these plants, I'll be like, "Okay, anything else is above my pay grade."

• 59:10Speaker 05

  That's right.

• 59:11Laci Mosley?

  Okay, I'm just a plant whack. That's what I do here. So Bobby testified for the government, right? And Robert and Vicky took a plea deal and agreed to forfeit $7.3 million and pay $9.15 million in restitution to the USDA. They both got six years in prison, but that wasn't the end of their criminal activity. Lord Jesus, we're gonna wrap it up with the rest of their crimes. But I do want to say here, Andy, I don't know, I have a question for you. Do you think that the government should have put them in prison? Or should the government have made them like actually repay them with real crops?

• 59:42Speaker 05

  No, put them in prison.

• 59:43Laci Mosley?

  Okay, because I just think like restitution, you always get like a huge restitution like that where it never gets paid back.

• 59:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 59:50Laci Mosley?

  I'm like, at least they can pay it back in tomato.

• 59:52Speaker 05

  Right, but yeah, but no, but you gotta, you gotta... You know, the whole idea is to de-incentivize the crime. And if, you know, and if other scammy farmers were seeing like, oh, well, they just made them grow tomatoes legit. We might as well try and fuck them, fuck over the government and we might not get caught. If we're not as brazen as these people.

• 1:00:15Laci Mosley?

  But I feel like a lot of people who do, especially like farmers or anybody doing their passion, like I feel like you only start scamming one if you're just like, that's in your nature. But I think, um, I would say maybe it's like sixty forty. I think that sixty percent of people who get into scamming, like they kind of just like need the money are fine with the risk. And then there's like a forty percent who are like, I love crime and this is what I'm gonna do.

• 1:00:39Speaker 05

  And I don't, and I'm a sociopath and I don't have any.

• 1:00:42Laci Mosley?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:43Speaker 05

  Uh, I don't, I don't really care about other people.

• 1:00:45Laci Mosley?

  But the government steals from us all the time. The Pentagon can't account for trillions of dollars.

• 1:00:50Speaker 05

  Well, it's also messy too, cause as I'm sitting here saying like, no, put him in prison. It's like, I don't know, you know, because it's like, there's too many goddamn people in prison as it is. But it is, but I don't know what to do. How do you stop people from tomato scams?

• 1:01:04Laci Mosley?

  True.

• 1:01:04Speaker 05

  You know, it's like, what, how do you de-incentivize that kind of thing? And I don't, I don't know, you know?

• 1:01:10Laci Mosley?

  I feel like an ankle monitor and having to work their own crops and stuff for six years, at least we're all getting food out of it.

• 1:01:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:01:17Laci Mosley?

  You know what I mean?

• 1:01:18Speaker 05

  Well, yeah, government work farms make them actually grow the tomatoes.

• 1:01:24Laci Mosley?

  I take it back because that would quickly turn into more slavery for me. We already have so much prison slavery.

• 1:01:29Speaker 05

  You're on the right track.

• 1:01:30Laci Mosley?

  No, no, I will not.

• 1:01:32Speaker 05

  Everyone growing tomatoes.

• 1:01:34Laci Mosley?

  No, then I'm gonna be like, yeah, if you steal a car, you gotta make license plates. Oops, they're already doing that in prison. No, no, no, no, terrible idea. What happened to me? What happened to, oh my God, get out of me capitalist man. Oh no, get the away, I gotta sage in here. Oh, what was that? The man got me for a second. I said Uncle Sam too many times and he appeared. Like, yeah, he came on my shoulder. I said his name too many times. He said, "We want you." And I was like, "Okay."

• 1:01:59Speaker 05

  All right. I like to be wanted.

• 1:02:02Laci Mosley?

  I do love to be wanted. So, we're gonna just run through some more of the crimes they did real quick. So...

• 1:02:07Speaker 05

  And this is after?

• 1:02:08Laci Mosley?

  Yes, after. Shortly after his release, Robert, the husband in the scheme, embarked on a scheme to evade currency reporting laws by making a series of cash bank deposits of less than $10,000. So, he was avoiding them getting the tax because the deposit was less than 10. And it started while he was serving probation in a halfway house. Now, you are in the halfway house. You halfway out of jail. You already got one foot back in. So, that's two feet.

• 1:02:33Speaker 05

  Fish gotta swim.

• 1:02:36Laci Mosley?

  So, he owed the government millions of dollars, right? In forfeiture money. So, he was attempting to hide the cash that he did have because he didn't want to pay the government back, of course. So, he deposited more than $200,000 at RBC Bank after his release from prison in November 2012, in amounts small enough to avoid having the transactions reported under the Bank Securities Act, or Bank Secrecy Act. Banks are required to file, you know, to the internal new... They have to tell the IRS, like, "Oh, they getting money." And then IRS is like, "Word? Let's call them." Yeah, and he was like, "I'm not gonna tell the IRS. I don't want them to know I'm getting money." So, yes. And I do really hate that about the IRS and the banks because they're like, "Oh, you got money? Okay, yeah. We gotta tell somebody."

• 1:03:17Laci Mosley?

  And if you ever need to withdraw a large amount of cash, woo, the bank will be like, "No, um, come back on Thursday." "Oh, no, Thursdays we close at 9 a.m." Uh, like, they do not want to give you your money.

• 1:03:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:03:30Laci Mosley?

  So, bank records show that Robert deposited $208,000 over five months. Why not just live your life cash? There's so many, like, you can pay cash for your rent so many places. You could, like, get a little, one of those, like, little debit cards and put cash on it prepaid for online purchases. But why am I trying to help you?

• 1:03:46Speaker 05

  I don't know. I don't have the mind of a tomato baron.

• 1:03:53Laci Mosley?

  I don't either.

• 1:03:54Speaker 05

  Tomato gangster.

• 1:03:56Laci Mosley?

  So he had asked the teller how much he could deposit without the bank having to file a report once and the teller told him. That's why everything he did was, didn't exceed nine thousand dollars.

• 1:04:05Speaker 05

  Is that what it is? It's nine grand now?

• 1:04:06Laci Mosley?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:07Laci Mosley?

  So as long as it's under 10K.

• 1:04:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, eighty-nine ninety-nine. Yeah, every time.

• 1:04:10Laci Mosley?

  Eighty-nine ninety-nine ninety-nine. But I love the teller being like, not like, so what do you mean by that? The teller's like, yeah, no, so under nine thousand, you poofy. Yeah, you want some deposit slips? And if you come in on a Friday at the end of the month, we ain't gonna check that shit till Monday. So you can do a double drop if you want, like what?

• 1:04:27Speaker 05

  Right. And also, go look it up at the library. Cause if you're asking a teller that, you're, you're basically telling the teller, hey, I want to scam, you know, like.

• 1:04:38Laci Mosley?

  Okay, but the job, the teller's job is telling, I think she's just telling to the customers. I don't know if she's telling the government.

• 1:04:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but I mean, if I, if that was a question I wanted to know because I wanted to hide money, I would, I would find out then just like walking into

• 1:04:52Laci Mosley?

  The local library?

• 1:04:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hello, I was wondering, if I was going to do something nefarious, uh, what cash level would I have to stay under?

• 1:05:01Laci Mosley?

  Oh, sir, please take that pen.

• 1:05:03Speaker 05

  I'm not going to do that, of course.

• 1:05:04Laci Mosley?

  Take that pen with the chain and just write down the nefariousness, just right in the slip in under the glass.

• 1:05:09Speaker 05

  Eighty-nine ninety-nine ninety-nine. Perfect.

• 1:05:12Laci Mosley?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:05:13Speaker 05

  See you tomorrow.

• 1:05:14Laci Mosley?

  See you tomorrow. Now, this is great. Yes. Come in and do your crime, sir. You have a great day. Thank you for banking with us. Thank you for doing crime with us. We appreciate it.

• 1:05:21Speaker 05

  No, uh, please do.

• 1:05:23Laci Mosley?

  Come again. Crime again, okay? Um, so wrapping this up, a bank manager told an IRS investigator that she witnessed Warren, this is Robert, making deposits of older twenty dollar bills that were rubber banded, wrapped in aluminum foil and freezing cold. No, the bank manager, the teller told it. The teller was like, what is money? So ice cold? I would be like, my assets were frozen and now they thawed. What do you mean?

• 1:05:52Speaker 05

  Dummy ding dong. Take them out of the freezer the night before. Jesus Christ. Like you can't be bothered to unwrap the foil.

• 1:06:02Laci Mosley?

  It's like you made counterfeit money and you give it to people hot off the press.

• 1:06:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. Smell the ink.

• 1:06:08Laci Mosley?

  Right. It smudged a little bit when I held it. No, no, no, no, no. That's from the government.

• 1:06:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:06:12Laci Mosley?

  It was in my back pocket.

• 1:06:13Speaker 05

  Right out of the oven.

• 1:06:14Laci Mosley?

  I keep all my money in my crotch area, so that's all it was. It's just crotch dollars.

• 1:06:19Speaker 05

  It's just moist.

• 1:06:20Laci Mosley?

  Oh, no, moist. Yeah, he was tripping. And older twenty dollar bills, don't keep going to the same bank branch then.

• 1:06:28Speaker 05

  Mm hmm.

• 1:06:29Laci Mosley?

  Because, yeah, there are, there's so many newer twenties in circulation that that might catch somebody's eye. So sometimes the cash he did, cash worn deposited smelled stale and musty. And not you was bringing in the stinking ass cash.

• 1:06:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:06:43Laci Mosley?

  You better Fabreeze that cash before you bring it in. That's why the tellers got tired of him.

• 1:06:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:47Laci Mosley?

  They were getting the hot, wet, stanky ass cash.

• 1:06:49Speaker 05

  Right. Well, it's, it sounds like he was hiding, like, while they were stealing the government money before they got caught, they were hiding money. He obviously was hiding it in a freezer, but the musty, I wonder if that's like, I don't know, if there was buried money, if it was in a mattress, you know?

• 1:07:06Laci Mosley?

  You're supposed to keep your, your hidden money like pristine and in like a chest.

• 1:07:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:10Laci Mosley?

  No, this, this sounds like it was given freezer, but then like-

• 1:07:13Speaker 05

  Well, like the cocaine, you know, down in, in Colombia, they would like, bail pallets of money and then bury it. And it would come, you know, like they'd wrap it in plastic enough.

• 1:07:24Laci Mosley?

  It was literally dirty money.

• 1:07:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:26Laci Mosley?

  Oh, but it was clean because it wrapped it in plastic.

• 1:07:27Speaker 05

  Completely wrapped in plastic. Yeah, you see footage of it. It's like, unbelievable how much money that they, well, they just had to get rid of so much cash.

• 1:07:36Laci Mosley?

  Where is his Saran Wrap?

• 1:07:37Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 1:07:38Laci Mosley?

  He was using aluminum foil. This is such a, a husband thing to do of like, you definitely grew up as a young boy and never did any chores, don't know how to do your own laundry, like have no cooking skills.

• 1:07:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:07:51Laci Mosley?

  You, if, if your wife tell you to put away the spaghetti, you put the whole pot it was cooked in, in the fridge.

• 1:07:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:07:56Laci Mosley?

  It's giving that activity.

• 1:07:58Speaker 05

  If you, well, but also to be fair too, Saran Wrap does not hold up well in the freezer. Not as well as foil.

• 1:08:04Laci Mosley?

  That's, I guess, is that true?

• 1:08:06Speaker 05

  I think, yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:08Laci Mosley?

  I mean, maybe not a freezer if it's gonna have stuff in it and have mildew, or turn the freezer off. I don't know what to tell you, but I definitely know that now, these bank tellers would have let you live if you had this sketchy ass deposits going on, but the money wasn't stankin', rusty, wet. Yeah, no. If I'm a bank teller and I gotta come in every day and, and, and count the money and it's my hands are touching money all the time, money's already dirty enough. You got nasty booty money? Like, no.

• 1:08:34Speaker 05

  Just Fabreeze it.

• 1:08:36Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, Fabreeze the money, or Lysol the money. That kills the germs, and the germs kill the odor. We're trying to help you. So when the USDA investigation started in 2001, Robert began burying stacks of $20 bills wrapped in aluminum foil, then cloth bags, then stuffed in PVC pipes. This is where PVC came in, which made them invisible to metal detectors. That's why he started depositing when he got out of prison. A judge ruled the crime was a violation of his release on the previous conviction, and he was sentenced to 29 more months in prison. PVC pipes is so smart. You couldn't have been smarter with the aluminum situation? You put this in the ground, the ground is wet.

• 1:09:17Speaker 05

  Well, if you seal a PVC pipe, it's not gonna get in there.

• 1:09:22Speaker 05

  If you put it, you know, if you end cap it and, and, and glue it.

• 1:09:27Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, apparently, yes.

• 1:09:29Speaker 05

  So they're watertight, you know, they run through your house and they don't leak, so yeah. But that's good, it's good to know.

• 1:09:35Laci Mosley?

  Apparently, the money still got mustard.

• 1:09:37Speaker 05

  I think all your listeners should, like, file that away for if they ever need to hide something, bury PVC pipes.

• 1:09:43Laci Mosley?

  Well, regardless, he did successfully hide the money until he started bringing all that wet money places.

• 1:09:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:50Laci Mosley?

  Well, ah, goodness. Robert and your wife?

• 1:09:56Laci Mosley?

  What was her name? Because Robert, it seems like you were doing most of the crime. I'm glad you got a lesser sentence here because you were really out here.

• 1:10:03Speaker 05

  Her name was Shirley.

• 1:10:04Laci Mosley?

  Let's call her Shirley. No, no, her name is Vicky.

• 1:10:07Speaker 05

  Vicky.

• 1:10:07Laci Mosley?

  Her name's Vicky, but I'm glad that Vicky doesn't seem to be involved in those specific shenanigans.

• 1:10:12Speaker 05

  Convicty.

• 1:10:14Laci Mosley?

  Con. That was beautiful, Andy. And on that note.

• 1:10:19Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:10:20Laci Mosley?

  We have reached the end of the podcast.

• 1:10:21Speaker 05

  Oh, well, thank you for having me.

• 1:10:23Laci Mosley?

  Thank you for being here. You're fantastic. We always ask, where would you like to be found? Anything you want to plug?

• 1:10:27Speaker 05

  Uh, well, I have a podcast called The Three Questions. Um, and I also do a Sirius XM radio show on Wednesdays, uh, Andy Richter Call-In Show, uh, which is a lot of fun, very silly. Um, and I'm going to be involved in a television show coming up that I, I, I've been told I can't, uh, I can't say, but if you are, uh, watching television, you may see me.

• 1:10:53Laci Mosley?

  Yes, if they haven't already, Andy.

• 1:10:55Speaker 05

  You may see me shaking my ass. Let's just put it like that.

• 1:10:59Laci Mosley?

  Okay, yes, we love to see, we're gonna love to see it. Okay. And as always, congregation, you can find all the photos of these farms and these manufactured hailstorms at ScamGotItPod on Instagram. If you want to chat with me, ScamGotItPod on Twitter. If you want to follow me and my shenanigans, D I V A L A C I, Divalacy on all platforms. My book is available now where books are sold and where audiobooks are sold. All the episodes of Scam Got a Season One are now airing on Hulu and all the episodes of Going Dutch are airing now on Hulu as well. And we are currently shooting season two of that show. And y'all, seriously, okay, if you want to do something nice for a black lady today,

• 1:11:37Laci Mosley?

  get on your podcast app and like and subscribe and leave a nice review of how much you love me. Okay, and I'm, maybe I'll start reading these reviews on the show. I can't really write nothing crazy, but you know, I, I might read the review. I don't know.

• 1:11:53Speaker 05

  I read the comments.

• 1:11:54Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, I might read, write, read it on the show. Maybe I'll read some, no, I'm not even gonna say that. But, okay, congregation, I want to try to get out there, stay convicting. Don't get convicted, though. Have conviction.

• 1:12:13Laci Mosley?

  Scam Goddess stars and is hosted by me, Lacey Mosley, aka Scam Goddess. Our producer is Jessica Sisneros and our audio engineer is Rich Garcia. Research for the show is conducted by Kate Doyle. Stay scheming.

• 1:12:29Speaker 01

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• 1:13:00Speaker 02

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• 1:13:13Speaker 03

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• 1:13:57Speaker 03

  paid for by Genentech and Novartis.

• 1:13:59Laci Mosley?

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