985. Q&AF: Dealing With Pressure, Leading Without Losing Your Identity & Realigning Yourself

On today's episode, Andy answers your questions on how to deal with the pressure in the building phase of your life, how to lead a team without losing your identity in the process, and how to realign yourself when you catch yourself drifting away from your goals.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Andy Frisella?

  What is up guys, it's Andy Frisella and this is the show for the realist, say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality. Guys, today we have Q and A F, that's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers. You submit your questions a couple of different ways. Tell them how, DJ?

• 0:35Speaker 01

  Guys, you can email these questions into [email protected]. You can also click the link in the description below, submit your questions that way, or drop them in the comments of the Q and A F videos on Andy Frisella Motivation YouTube.

• 0:50Andy Frisella?

  Don't forget, if you are a YouTube connoisseur, we have put the Q and A Fs on their own channel. It's called Andy Frisella Motivation, so go over there, hit subscribe and you'll get that content as well. Guys, if this is your first time listening, we have shows within the show. We've got CTI, which will be live tonight at 7 o'clock. We also do those on Thursday nights at 7 o'clock live. Then we have Real Talk. Real Talk is just 5 to 20 minutes and we're giving you some real talk. And then we have 75 Hard Versus. That is where people who have completed 75 Hard, come on the show, they talk about how they were before, how they are now and how they use the 75

• 1:34Andy Frisella?

  Hard program to transform their life. Now, if you're unfamiliar with 75 Hard, it is the initial phase of the Live Hard program, which is the world's most famous mental transformation program in history. And you can get it for free at episode 208 on the audio feed. There's also a book available at andyfrisella.com called The Book on Mental Toughness. I'd highly recommend it, especially for those of you who need to know the in-depth ins and outs of how, why, what. You don't have to have the book. Again, you get the program for free at episode 208, but the book is very good.

• 2:13Andy Frisella?

  Let's see. With that being said, uh, we do have a fee. The fee is very simple. Do us a favor and help us share the show. Uh, we don't run ads on the show. As you guys know, we never have. And, um, we rely on you guys to spread the show. So, uh, do us a favor and don't be a hoe.

• 2:29Speaker 01

  Share the show.

• 2:30Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. What's happening, dude?

• 2:32Speaker 01

  Live tonight?

• 2:33Andy Frisella?

  I'm excited.

• 2:34Speaker 01

  You know?

• 2:35Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 2:38Andy Frisella?

  What, you tired?

• 2:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm a little sleepy.

• 2:39Andy Frisella?

  Still waking up?

• 2:42Speaker 01

  It was a long night, man.

• 2:43Andy Frisella?

  Yeah? Um. What'd you do?

• 2:45Speaker 01

  Uh, it was mother-in-law's birthday, so we did a little, little shindig and, um, that turned to me being up till five this morning.

• 2:53Andy Frisella?

  Oh, yeah? Did you have a couple beverages?

• 2:55Speaker 01

  I had a few beverages.

• 2:56Andy Frisella?

  Yeah?

• 2:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, a few beverages. Few beverages by themselves.

• 2:59Andy Frisella?

  I don't miss that, bro.

• 3:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, no.

• 3:02Andy Frisella?

  I don't miss that feeling at all.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  I actually don't feel terrible. I'm just a little tired.

• 3:06Andy Frisella?

  I just don't like that cloudy feeling, man.

• 3:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:10Andy Frisella?

  Well, this is the, uh, first show of 2026 when we come with Q and A F.

• 3:16Speaker 01

  Is it?

• 3:16Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 3:18Speaker 01

  Is it really?

• 3:18Andy Frisella?

  Yep.

• 3:19Speaker 01

  Shit.

• 3:19Andy Frisella?

  It is.

• 3:20Speaker 01

  No. Oh, Q and A F's, yeah.

• 3:22Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 3:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, shit, it is.

• 3:24Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 3:24Speaker 01

  Maybe there is a little cloud, huh?

• 3:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, man, it is. It's, uh, yeah, well, it's great. And, uh, as always, well, how are you doing? You good?

• 3:35Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 3:36Speaker 01

  Yeah?

• 3:36Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 3:37Speaker 01

  Feel good, playing good, look good?

• 3:39Andy Frisella?

  Alright, doing what I can do, man.

• 3:40Speaker 01

  Seventy-five hearts going?

• 3:42Andy Frisella?

  Oh, yeah, that's a thing. Uh, fuck, a shit ton of people are starting seventy-five hard today, so, uh, you know, if that's you, just know you're not alone. There is a ton. I think it's the biggest, I think it's the biggest amount we ever had started, which is interesting because, uh, according to everybody else, it's a fad.

• 4:00Speaker 01

  It's dangerous.

• 4:00Andy Frisella?

  Fads don't continue to grow, bro. Great programs do.

• 4:03Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 4:04Andy Frisella?

  And, uh, that's why it has been, you know, as big as it has been for the last six years. It's because it fucking works. And, um,

• 4:14Andy Frisella?

  You know, this is the time of year where we see everybody try to attack 75 hard and make adjustments and, you know, hop on the hype train and use it for traffic and say they don't like it, which is insane because if you have clients as a trainer and you don't want them to actually get results, you're not a very good trainer. And the program is made for you to plug in all of your programming right along with it. So if I were a trainer, I would maybe recommend actually working with the program. It's not hurting you. It helps your clients. It helps them transform the ultimate issue, which is their mind and makes everybody's

• 4:56Andy Frisella?

  job a lot more effective. So if you see that kind of shit, just let them know, bro. You know, we're getting to the point where people, uh, people kind of know. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Oh, for sure. Like, you, you can't, you can't go to people who, uh, you know, have completed Ironmans and done Ironman training and it's changed their fucking life and say, oh yeah, Ironman's fuck shitty. That's not healthy for you. Right. Like. It's not sustainable. Yeah, whatever, dude. Oh yeah. By the way, speaking of sustainable, um, this is literally the 10th anniversary of me losing 110 pounds. Okay. So. Keeping it off.

• 5:37Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. When I was 36 years old, I was 350 fucking pounds. Okay. And, uh, I've kept it off for 10 years using the principles of the program. So if we want to talk about what sustainable means, uh, it's about correcting the issue and keeping it away, you know? That's right. It's interesting how people believe that, you know, you should just be able to go on a diet and it'll fix it forever. That doesn't fix anything. Okay. That might change the physical, but until you change the mental, until you figure out that this is a discipline problem, this is a mental toughness problem, and that these skills of discipline, grit,

• 6:18Andy Frisella?

  fortitude, perseverance, mental toughness, these are perishable skills that you have to stay on top of over the course of your life. They're not just magically there. For, you know, you do 75 days and it stays there forever. That's why the live hard program has multiple phases to it. Because you're going to do 75 days, then you've got 30 days phase one, then you have a mandatory break. And that mandatory break is so that you can realize that this isn't something that is fixed forever.

• 6:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, just how perishable that shit is.

• 6:50Andy Frisella?

  Correct. And if you don't practice it on a daily basis, it goes away very fast. Then it has another 30 day phase, then it has another 30 day phase at the end of your year. So this whole program is designed to keep you sharp throughout the year, which is fucking sustainable. So it's a, you know, it's just people that don't understand or, you know.

• 7:14Speaker 01

  You know what's not sustainable? Paper straws.

• 7:17Andy Frisella?

  Well, I fucking noticed that.

• 7:18Speaker 01

  That's not, that's some bullshit.

• 7:22Andy Frisella?

  We saw Florida's banning them.

• 7:24Speaker 01

  Are they really? Good for them. Good for them. We should ban that shit everywhere.

• 7:27Andy Frisella?

  I, do we do that here in Missouri?

• 7:30Speaker 01

  No, no, I mean, some places do, right?

• 7:32Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, I don't go to those places.

• 7:33Speaker 01

  But we don't go to those places.

• 7:35Andy Frisella?

  Bro, paper straw is pretty much the worst thing ever. Like it gets a little bit of liquid in it and then it starts like coming apart.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  You gotta chug your shit in like three minutes, bro, or you're fucked.

• 7:44Andy Frisella?

  It's fucking gross. And then, you know, if you don't chug your shit in three minutes, there's little pieces of straw floating in your drink.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  I don't want that.

• 7:51Andy Frisella?

  No, it's gross, dude.

• 7:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, we just ripped off a tangent there. Yeah, but yeah, man, guys, it's, uh, it's Monday, so let's, uh, let's make some people better.

• 8:01Andy Frisella?

  Let's do it.

• 8:01Speaker 01

  With three good ones.

• 8:02Andy Frisella?

  Okay.

• 8:03Speaker 01

  I have, I have them for you.

• 8:04Andy Frisella?

  All right. I know you do.

• 8:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, let's, uh, let's get into these, man. Guys, any question? Number one. Andy, I don't explode, but I hold everything in. Stress, anger, resentment, I just bury it and just keep moving. Lately, I can feel it leaking out in weird ways. Like I'm starting to be short with people that I care about. How do you deal with the pressure, uh, without either blowing up or shutting down completely? I guess, how do you handle those emotions while you're in the building phases of life?

• 8:38Andy Frisella?

  Well, first of all, we're always in the building phase of life. You don't get to a place where automatically you look around and say, oh, okay, I'm done. That's like, this is the common misunderstanding of people.

• 8:50Andy Frisella?

  Whether it's your business, whether it's your diet, whether it's your training, whether it's your personal relationships, whether it's your spirituality, these things are always a work in progress. This idea that typically comes from younger people because, and it's not, it's no fault of their own, they lack perspective, but they think they're going to get to a point and everything's just going to be set. You know, like, okay, the, uh, we built the house, the house is done. Like, that's not how your life works. Okay. Your life is always a work in progress. And so we all go through these different learning lessons at different points in time in our life. Nobody has it all figured out at 25

• 9:35Andy Frisella?

  or 35 or 45 or 55 or even 85. Okay. My dad's 80 years old. He still learns new shit every single day. All right. He's still working on things. He's still trying to improve. And I actually think that that mentality is very parallel to people who live very long and productive lives. All right. When people think they're done, and we see this all the time, right? Like, they sell their business and they retire and then, you know, in two years, they're dead. Right? Well, then it gained 200 fucking pounds. Yeah, or you could, you could take it on the other end of the spectrum. You know, the guy who, uh, was the all-American athlete in high school and college, and then you

• 10:18Andy Frisella?

  see him at 30 years old and he's 400 pounds and, and broke. Okay. The minute you start thinking that your life is complete is the minute it starts falling apart. And so we have to understand that this is a process that never ends. And once you accept that, once you accept that that's the way it's going to be, it stops hurting. It stops feeling like you're behind. It stops feeling like, you know, The friction. Yeah. Like, you just have to understand the game. And the biggest thing that people struggle with is trying to play a different game outside of the reality of how it works. We can listen to, you know,

• 10:59Andy Frisella?

  Merry take it easy therapy lady on the internet and we can listen to David Goggins and we can listen to Andy and we can listen to fucking Tony and we can listen to all these guys. But at the end of the day, bro, the truth is the truth. And the system works the way it is and reality is reality. Reality is the same for you as it is for me. No different than gravity. Okay, if we, we could argue about how gravity is. You can say, oh, it's not that real and I could say, no, it's pretty real. And we can go outside and you're going to fall just the same way I fall. Okay, so we have to understand that the game works the same for everybody. It's the same set of fucking rules. You may have started off in a different place.

• 11:43Andy Frisella?

  But the rules are the same. Okay, so thinking that you're going to be the person that the rules change for. Is, is a, it's an egotistical arrogant thought. It's, it's the same for everybody. And um, when we talk about. You know, what it actually takes and where you should be.

• 12:07Andy Frisella?

  Everybody's at a different point in a different place. So I don't know how old this person is, does it say? Okay, you're learning the lesson now of how to deal with pressure. Okay, and that doesn't put you behind. That doesn't mean you're wrong. That doesn't mean you're doing something bad. It means you just haven't learned a lesson yet. I'm someone. Who has typically matured much later than people my age. Okay, I've always been like 10 years behind. Like, I was laughing at, you know, dick jokes when I was, well, I still do, right? So like, I, I, I can relate to that and. You've just got to understand that that's normal. It's, everybody deals with it. I mean, bro, how many times?

• 12:50Andy Frisella?

  Have you wanted to blow up on shit that you didn't, right? You have great emotional control. Oh, thank you. Yeah, you do. You know, dude, I've never seen you lose your temper. I've never seen you. Uh, you know, even when you're upset, you know what I'm saying? You keep it under control. That's not something I'm the best at. Okay, I struggle with that sometimes. We all have like points that are harder for other people because of how we're wired and set up. And so I've had to learn, and by the way, I don't have it mastered. But I've had to learn, I have made a lot of improvements. Oh, for sure. Of how to control these frustrations and these pressures to make sure that I don't take it out. On people that don't deserve it. Uh, and sometimes people do deserve it, by the way.

• 13:34Andy Frisella?

  Um, but at the end of the day, this is about finding ways that work for you that help you relieve some of that pressure. Okay. And what I found for me is lifting weights helps a lot. Okay. When I am very stressed and very heavy and, and borderline angry, when I lift weights, an hour later, I feel a lot better. Um, walking works very well for me. Okay. Like when I'm very, very stressed, if I go for a walk for an hour, dude, most of the problems solve themselves. All right. Um, but I think ultimately the issue here is awareness. It's being able to know when

• 14:16Andy Frisella?

  that pressure is getting near, where it's going to explode, and then doing some things to keep it from getting up to that level. Right? So, um,

• 14:26Speaker 01

  That, that, that's gold because what you're saying effectively is imagine if, because everybody's has fucking stress, right? Like everybody has that, but imagine you're the way to deal with that is by doing something that's still pushing you fucking forward.

• 14:38Andy Frisella?

  That's the whole thing. That's where I'm getting. So we got to understand that these, this pressure is not something to be avoided. It's something to utilize for us to be more successful and more productive. So when you start to feel these ways and you get negativity and you get pressure and you get frustration and you can feel it start to rise, you have to be aware enough to take that negative energy, which by the way, isn't really negative. It's just how you perceive it and utilize it into productive action. Every single person that's ever become what you admire, any of you watching or listening, they understand how to productively deal with negativity or

• 15:23Andy Frisella?

  pressure. They understand how to leverage it properly because unfortunately, contrary to what the internet will tell you, not everything is good. Not everybody claps for you. Not everybody cheers for you. Not everybody wants you to win. Not everything goes your way. There's going to be all kinds of things that punch you in the fucking mouth over and over and over again. And if you don't learn how to leverage those into productive action, you are going to lose to people who do. And so instead of letting it crumble or instead of letting it spill over into, Outbursts to people that don't deserve it, you need to learn how to recognize when the pressure's

• 16:03Andy Frisella?

  almost near the breaking point and then go use that energy to be productive. Um, a lot of times the pressure that we feel is coming from things that we know we're supposed to do, but haven't done yet. Did you ever notice how you've got this one thing that is really on your mind? And you know, it needs to be done and you keep thinking about it, but you know, it's not that big a deal. It's not that big a deal. Let's just say it's something simple like mowing the grass, right? Your grass gets a little long and you're looking at the grass. You're like, ah, I got another couple of days before I can mow it. And then you let those couple of days go by and it gets way bigger. And then you're like, fuck, it's pretty bad. This is going to be a pain in the ass to mow.

• 16:46Andy Frisella?

  And then you, you put it off then, and then it gets even worse. And then before you know it, dude, you've, you're out there with the push mower flopping the motherfucker around, trying to cut the grass, cursing yourself because you could have just handled it when it was, when it was, uh, you know, small. Yeah, right. But the minute you get done with that, all of that anxiety and all of that pressure is over. And this goes into work. This goes into your fitness. This goes into your communication and your relationships. It goes into conversations that you know you should have, but you're afraid to have. There's all these things that make the pressure go up. And a lot of times that pressure going up is just an indicator. It's a reminder. It's a little thing.

• 17:31Andy Frisella?

  It's pointing at you and saying, hey, this needs to be addressed. And if you learn to listen to that quickly, the pressure stays low. But if you let it get high, it's going to make you feel uncomfortable and that's the game. That's how it's supposed to be. You intuitively know the things that are supposed to be done. You know, you're fucking fat. You know, you're fucking lazy. You know, your life doesn't look the way you want to look. You know that, you know, things need to be addressed. You know, you're not giving your all at your job. Everybody fucking knows that, but very few people proactively address it and understand how to leverage those feelings into productive action. And my hope for you guys this year is that this becomes the time

• 18:12Andy Frisella?

  where you actually figure out that there is no easy way. There is no quick way. There is no permanent way. It's a constant process. It's a constant.

• 18:23Andy Frisella?

  Set of actions, it's a constant sculpting of the perfect life, you know, it it it's an ongoing process and there's not a person who has ever lived that has ever gotten to a point in their life, whether they be 60, 70, 80 years old,

• 18:43Andy Frisella?

  and said, oh, you know what, it's great, that didn't become miserable later. Do you ever notice that when people are older, like, you know, our grandparents, they're pretty like, some of them can be pretty fucking angry and bitter and shit.

• 18:56Speaker 01

  Bitter assholes.

• 18:57Andy Frisella?

  Do you know, do you know why? It's because they stopped moving forward, bro, and now they're only looking backwards. They're only looking backwards, they're only thinking about the things they missed. They're only thinking about the things they didn't do. They're only thinking about the chances they didn't take. And yeah, that's going to make you angry. So you have to accept the fact that if you want to be fulfilled and you want to be successful and you want to live the life that you know you could live and should live, you're gonna have to accept the process and the process is ongoing, it never ends.

• 19:28Speaker 01

  And I want to, I want to talk on this piece too, you know, because you're talking about being short with people, things like that. And, you know, I know you touched on like the emotional control aspect of this a little bit. But I think this is important too, and it's something that I know you, you deeply care about.

• 19:42Speaker 01

  I feel that, you know, when that pressure comes and when the stress comes, I think it also comes down to your intent, right? Like, you can be pissed off, but I know that your intent's still in the right place. So it's like, we're all on the same team here.

• 19:53Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, well, now we're crossing into like a leadership

• 19:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:57Andy Frisella?

  discussion, right? Like, sometimes in leadership, you do gotta get, you do gotta get a little rowdy.

• 20:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:03Andy Frisella?

  You do gotta push motherfuckers. Your job as a leader is to live the standard and then hold other people to the standard. And those are two very important points, okay? A lot of people try to hold the standard without living it themselves. And then they wonder why other people won't do it. Well, other people aren't doing it because you're not fucking doing it. Okay, so if you're a leader and you're running a team or you have your family and you say, oh, you guys should be doing this, they're not going to do it till you do it. And this is the problem that we face as a culture. We have this attitude that people are waiting for someone else to do all the shit.

• 20:42Andy Frisella?

  And they think that they cannot do it themselves. This, this is why culture sucks. This is why America looks the way it does right now. This is why when you go to Walmart, seven out of 10 people, fucking eight out of 10 people are obese. Okay, this, this is why. This is why when you go to work, nine out of 10 of the people that you work with are lazy as fuck. It's because they don't have an example to look at and see what the fuck that looks like to actually be productive. So it's literally impossible to lead without living standard yourself and then also holding people accountable. So, yeah dude, there's a time and a place for these things, but they're strategic. They're not just fly off the cuff. And when you really have,

• 21:26Andy Frisella?

  when you really have it mastered, you know exactly when that's supposed to be applied, right? So it's not a, I'm just upset because I'm upset. It's, I have to, I have to put a fire under some asses. So this part of me has to, uh, uh, uh, come out right now, right? But yeah, the intent 100% is what matters because people know if you're just being a dickhead, or if you're actually pushing to be better, they know that. And when you live the standard yourself, people are much more receptive to that good intent than if you're not living it. If you're not living it, the intent can't even be good because what you're pointing at is you're saying you motherfuckers do the work

• 22:10Andy Frisella?

  and I'm not going to do shit. That's not the right intent. The right intent is I'm going to live the, the best standard that I can in my fitness, in my mental, in my finances, in my spiritual, in my relationships. And I'm going to set that standard and then I also expect you to live that standard as well. That's a different thing than just pointing the finger and screaming at people. You see what I'm saying?

• 22:35Speaker 01

  Absolutely dude. Absolutely. I love it. Uh, kind of flows into this next question a little bit. Uh, guys, Andy question. Number two, hey Andy, thank you for all that you do. Uh, because of the things you teach, I've changed my entire outlook in my life, uh, actually putting your lessons into practice. I've been promoted by my company and basically have been trusted to replicate myself in the company. Everything you talk about, I now lead a team of eight people, but I'm having some leadership issues. I feel uncomfortable telling people no, holding them accountable or calling out bad performance. I don't want to be the nice guy leader who lets things slide, but I also don't want to turn into an asshole. So how do you learn to lead without losing yourself?

• 23:21Andy Frisella?

  Do you actually care about your people or not? That's the question you gotta ask. Okay, because if you're passive and you won't say no and you let shit slide, guess what? You don't really give a fuck about those people. That's the truth. Okay, because if you did, you would want them to get better. You'd be willing to have conversations that are a little awkward to make them better. You would be willing to hold standards that make them better. You would want them to earn more money. You would want them to be higher skilled. You would want them to get better. And that comes from a place of care. And this is what I talk about all the time, you know, kindness and,

• 24:00Andy Frisella?

  and being good to people is not nice platitudes and friendly things to say all the time. You know, if they're doing good, yeah, you tell them they're doing good. But if they're not doing good and you actually care about them, you have an obligation to tell them where they're not doing good. And anybody who actually wants to win will be receptive to that. So by you being a passive leader and you having problems saying no, and you not being able to critique and you not being able to have, you know, some awkward conversations with people, you end up in a position where your people don't grow, they don't perform, they

• 24:41Andy Frisella?

  don't do any better. And, you know, you fail them. And this comes down to how much you actually care. So if you really care about people and you really care about your, your team, which you should, you have to understand that this is a requirement of caring. It's the truth. And we've grown up in the last 20 years in this society that says, you know, kindness is niceness, meaning things that don't hurt people's feelings, things that don't press them, things that don't call them out. You know, be kind, be, be, be a good person.

• 25:18Andy Frisella?

  Being kind in a, in a dynamic of where you care about people and you're trying to get them to improve and better their lives is the truth. It's, it's not the, the non-truth. If you don't tell the truth, it's impossible to be kind. It's impossible. So, a lot of you guys think that you're being kind by letting these people off the hook. When in reality, you're creating a life for them. That's going to be far more difficult. It's going to be far less fruitful, far less fulfilling. And ultimately, costs them a lot. And so if you really care about people, you're going to have the ability to have those conversations.

• 25:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, let's, let's go back.

• 26:02Speaker 01

  Let's go back in the timeline a little bit, right? Because when, when you started in business, it was just you and Christopher for six years, right? Before you, you had your first employee, right?

• 26:13Andy Frisella?

  We had a couple that helped us out along the way.

• 26:15Speaker 01

  Between?

• 26:16Andy Frisella?

  But they were friends.

• 26:17Speaker 01

  Friends, right, yeah. But like, like real.

• 26:18Andy Frisella?

  First official employee.

• 26:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, real, real employee, six years in. How, how hard, like what made you understand this lesson more than anything? How hard, how quick did that come? You know, from the moment you got your first employee?

• 26:30Andy Frisella?

  Well, I, I didn't know that when I got my first employee. What I'm saying to you, I didn't know.

• 26:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:35Andy Frisella?

  Okay, so, you know, I was the guy who came in and, and, and, you know, waved the big stick and said, do this or else. And, uh, that wasn't the right way either. You know, uh, was it effective? Yeah, it's effective, but it doesn't create, uh, a mutually beneficial relationship to where people start to respect and admire you because you're actually holding them to a standard. And so, this was learned over the course of time. And there was a lot of turnover whenever I first started having employees because I was a bad leader. And then I developed, you know, uh, the understanding that there was an obligation for me to

• 27:17Andy Frisella?

  develop these people, not just try to get them to perform for the betterment of the company. And whenever I started to figure that out, things started changing. It became a real relationship. And ultimately, what, what really dawned on me that made me flip that perspective? Was that, and, and this is a very key thing for all the leaders out there. I stopped trying to.

• 27:46Andy Frisella?

  Coach them or lead them from a place of you're gonna stay here your whole life? And I started recognizing that it was my job to equip them with the skills and with the understanding that even if they left, they could look back and say, that's where I learned the most. All right. So whenever I switched it from like this scarcity thing where I don't want my employees to leave. So I gotta, I gotta, you know, teach them only this and not that and this and like, try to like, protect it and started like, really just pouring into them and saying, hey, man, look, and I say this openly, I've said this openly for a long time. I know not everybody's gonna stay in our companies. That's not reality. But

• 28:30Andy Frisella?

  here's what I do know. I do know that when they go from here to there or anywhere else, I want them to succeed. So I'm gonna pour into them as much as possible. And I think a lot of leaders really fuck this up because they have the idea that, you know, especially if you're an intrapreneur, they have the idea that, you know, uh, this person might get so good, he might take my job. Right? Um, that's actually a good, a good thing. He's not gonna take your job. If you like this question here, being able to replicate when you're an effective performer, being able to replicate that in other people is the most valuable skill and any company worth a shit will recognize that and pay you very

• 29:15Andy Frisella?

  handsomely for that. So we have to understand that if we really want to be effective dude, we have to make everybody around us better and we have to do so with the right intent and we have to do so with the idea that we're doing it in the long game. Okay. So even if they leave, even if they go somewhere, even if they do whatever they want to do, they're gonna look back and they're gonna say, bro, that's, that's the guy I learned the most from. And if we really look back, for those of you that played sports, um, and we look back on the coaches that we fucking hated at the time, those are the coaches that you look back five, 10, 20 years and you're like, man, that dude really cared about me. I'm me because of that.

• 29:59Andy Frisella?

  I learned a lot from that person. And that's, that's a tough thing to swallow because you want everybody to like you right now. You want everybody to be happy with you right now. But

• 30:11Andy Frisella?

  That's not the goal. The goal is performance. The goal is winning. The goal is developing and the goal is setting these people up for them to be high functioning, high earning, high standard individuals, no matter where they go. And once you flip that mindset and you understand that that's your, your obligation as a leader, it gets real easy to coach people up because you're not trying to hold anything back. You see what I'm saying?

• 30:33Speaker 01

  And bro, typically you, you realize you come to the understanding too, like those are the coaches, those are the people that care the most out of anybody.

• 30:40Andy Frisella?

  Absolutely.

• 30:41Speaker 01

  Let me ask you this because I know we talk about entrepreneurship, you know, there's very little barrier to entry, I guess, but it's not for everybody.

• 30:50Andy Frisella?

  No.

• 30:51Speaker 01

  Is leadership the same? Right? Like would you, is, is the art, like can anybody be a leader? Like can anybody truly be a leader or?

• 30:58Andy Frisella?

  No, I think so. I, I, I wasn't a natural leader. I wasn't someone who, who was vocal or I was always scared. I like take, take us back to sports, right? Like I was a good player.

• 31:10Speaker 01

  Great player.

• 31:11Andy Frisella?

  But I wasn't a good leader. Okay. I didn't, I didn't have the confidence to look around at the other guys on the team and say, hey, motherfuckers, we gotta do better. But you know why I didn't have the confidence to do that? Because I wasn't doing all I could. Okay. So when you are doing all that you can and you know that you're living at a high standard and you know that you're doing what you're supposed to do, it becomes real easy to look around at everybody and be like, guys, what the fuck? Okay. This is not acceptable. The reason that we struggle becoming leaders is because we're not living the standard ourselves. So, and here's the other thing, when you live the standard yourself, you don't have to be this vocal leader. People see it, right? Leadership isn't about convincing people.

• 31:56Andy Frisella?

  It's about showing people and that's a complete different thing. Okay. You, you can't stand there as someone who's not living the standard and point down the road that everybody's supposed to go down when you haven't gone down it yourself and expecting to be enthusiastic about going. All right. So it's more like, hey, guys, I've been down this road. Let's fucking go. You're going to get here too. And. So to answer your question, yes, I do believe that everyone can be a leader in some aspect. Okay, let's say you're driving the forklift in the warehouse. But you know, when you put the forklift away, you take care of it, you clean it up, you make sure that you're not hitting the the pallet racks, you make sure that you're, you know, like

• 32:41Andy Frisella?

  other guys who operate forklifts, all of a sudden, they start to do these things as well. So like this isn't

• 32:48Andy Frisella?

  that it goes along with human nature, bro. People don't want to be the outsider, they want to be the insider. And when we break this down to what our mission is here with the show, with the operator standard, with everything that we do, it's about becoming personally excellent, so that other people will join into that line of work. They will join into that path. And um when you get enough people that are doing a thing, it is proven psychology that other people want to join it. So this idea that's killing America right now is that someone else is going to take care of it. And no one else is, no one's going to take care of your household, no one's going to lead your kids,

• 33:31Andy Frisella?

  no one's going to be the standard, no one's going to be the first guy of their friend group to, you know, like, these are things that matter and they matter a lot. So yeah, dude, everybody can lead, but I think most people lack the confidence to lead because they don't live the standard themselves. I love it, dude. Think about it like this, dude.

• 33:50Andy Frisella?

  Let's just take a very basic example, we talk about this a lot on CTI, but we're going to talk about it right now.

• 33:57Andy Frisella?

  Let's say you live in a regular neighborhood, okay, and you've got your neighbor to the left and your neighbor to the right. And you guys all kind of sit out on the cooler at night and you drink a beer and you hang out with and watch the kids, you know, play roller hockey or whatever they do in the street, right?

• 34:16Andy Frisella?

  All of a sudden, you stop drinking the beers and you hang out with your friends, but you're drinking water. Okay. And then all of a sudden, you know, you start working out and they start making fun of you. They're like, DJ, what the fuck you doing now? Like, what? You too good for us? But six months later, DJ shows up and he's down a hundred pounds. And all of a sudden, he's making more money. And then, you know, we're not sitting on the cooler with a piece of shit truck in the driveway anymore. We're sitting on the cooler with a brand new Chevy Tahoe LTZ. Okay. And your neighbors are like, what the fuck is going on with you? Why? What? And you say, well, I'm doing this and this and this, and this and this and this. And things are getting better.

• 34:57Andy Frisella?

  And now all of a sudden, it's not DJ's too good for us. It's man, fucking DJ's starting to kick some ass, bro. What are you doing? Okay. And now they start to ask. And now all of a sudden, you got fit DJ instead of fat DJ. And you got DJ who's making some more money. And you got DJ who's, who's becoming, you know, a different person right in front of their fucking face. All right. And then all of a sudden, what happens? These guys, some of them will start to join. They'll say, fuck, I want a new truck. Dude, I don't like being fat. I want to see my dick. Yeah, right. For real, dude. No real shit. And then, and then all of a sudden, where there was one, there was two. And now there's two. So you got the, so it's you and the house to the left. You guys are both getting it done. What do you think's going to happen to the guy on the right? Okay. He's going to join in too.

• 35:43Andy Frisella?

  And this is what we have to understand in culture. Okay. How you live and how you lead and how you represent yourself matters way more than you think it does. And all of this propaganda that we've been faced with our whole entire lives to make us feel like we're irrelevant. It doesn't matter. Just enjoy your freedom and enjoy your life. All of these things have taught us that we don't have control of our own reality. When in fact, we control everything that dictates our reality. Reality isn't dictated by a bunch of dudes in Washington DC. It's dictated by what you eat, how you move, what you drink, what you put in your mind, who you associate with,

• 36:28Andy Frisella?

  what actions you take. These are the things that dictate our reality to a percentile of 98%. And we control those things. And if you don't believe that, you're denying reality. You're denying how it actually works. You are copping out and you are giving control over the propaganda machine by just accepting a reality that you're not ever happy with. So when we look at like society and we look at like what's going on, we have to understand that the reason that society looks like shit is because we look like shit. When, when, when we, you know, when we look around and we say, why does nobody care? It's because we don't care. When we look around and there's

• 37:13Andy Frisella?

  litter all over the street, it's because you didn't pick it up. When we look around, there's shopping carts and all over the parking lot, it's because you didn't put them away. Because once those things become the standard, everybody joins in. And when we talk about what it's going to take to fix our country, this is what it's going to take. It takes personal excellence. And once people grasp that concept and we get enough people out there living at the standard, which by the way, is getting much better, things will change. And they do change. Ask anybody who's transformed their lives, what happened? You had some people that didn't, but you had some people that did too. Okay. And now all of a sudden, their lives look better. And the people that they know in their networks

• 37:53Andy Frisella?

  start to join in. So this is a, this is a spider web, a ripple effect that nobody really ever thinks about because we've been propagated to believe that our actions don't matter, when in reality, our actions are the only thing that matters. Why do you think they spend so much time, so much money, so much energy, so much propaganda convincing us for 16 years in school that we're, you know, really not going to be anything and that the government's our friend and every, they'll take care of everything. That's propaganda, bro, to, to, to remove the understanding that we are in control. And we, we as a country have lost that. All right. And if we want it back and we want a culture back that actually is a high trust, high functioning, high success.

• 38:39Andy Frisella?

  Clean, functioning society, we have to be that ourselves. Okay, so there is no blaming anybody else but ourselves. And it's not ourselves collectively, it's you as an individual. And people come to me all the time, they're like, why do you care so much? Why is this such a big deal? Well, it's a big deal because I can see what's going to happen if we don't stand up. Look, a lot of people don't have the perspective of what it looked like 40 years ago, or 30 years ago compared to what it looks like now. I do have that, alright? And I'm telling you, it was much better then. So, if we want it to get better, we have to be better. And when the people get better and control the culture, everything else improves downstream of culture.

• 39:24Andy Frisella?

  Politics is downstream of culture. Everything, commerce, everything is downstream of culture. Culture is the most important thing, and culture is made up of individuals. And if you have shitty individuals, you're gonna have shitty culture. If you have high functioning, high standard individuals, you're gonna have a high standard culture. That's it, that is it, it's that simple. But we have to understand what role we play as individuals in that.

• 39:48Speaker 01

  I love it, dude. I love it. Let's get to our third and final question for you, Andy. Guys, Andy, question number three. Andy, I say I value honesty and integrity, but I've caught myself cutting corners when no one's watching. Nothing illegal, just small stuff, but it bothers me more than I expected. How do you realign your character when you notice yourself drifting? I know you speak a lot of businesses having core values, and how important they are to the culture. Do I need to just set some for myself? Internal core values, that's a great question.

• 40:24Andy Frisella?

  Yes, of course, but that's really not... The reason people allow things to slide is because, again, they misunderstand the game. You know, when we talk about winning, alright? Winning is not complicated. It's very simple, dude. This is why the best coaches in the world say the same shit. You listen to Nick Saban, alright? Nick Saban says the same shit.

• 40:53Andy Frisella?

  It's one snap at a time. We're gonna run this one play and we're gonna run it so many times that we cannot get it wrong. It's not, we run it so many times to where we get it right and then, oh, it's great. We run it so many times that every single time that we run it, it's almost impossible to fuck up. That is the understanding of what winning is, okay? Kurt Signelli from, from Indiana, who's beating everybody's ass. Same thing. We play one snap at a time, okay? Now, I want you to take that idea and I want you to apply it to a single day, alright? We are all playing a 24-hour game.

• 41:34Andy Frisella?

  This is not a 10-year game, it's not a five-year game, it's not a one-year game. It is a 24-hour game. And if we can win one day, we can win our life. Because all we have to do is replicate those wins over and over and over and over again. So, it's not understanding the game when it comes to winning. Now, when it comes to what this man is talking about, you have to understand there are things within the game that increase our ability to execute or decrease our ability to execute. I want you to think about it for a minute, like deposits and withdrawals, okay? So,

• 42:14Andy Frisella?

  you worked really hard to develop this standard of discipline in your life. And you've put a lot of investment, you've, you've built up a really nice score inside of your life of discipline. Think of it like a John Madden game, right? This guy can run speed 95, he's 98 agile, he's, you know, 10 intelligence, whatever, right? 68? But, but let's say you get to discipline. And his discipline's a 90, okay? And by the way, very dumb people can win. Very dumb people can win. In fact, a lot of very dumb people win because they don't overthink the fucking game. So...

• 42:54Andy Frisella?

  You understand that you have a 90 discipline, alright, and you feel I'm a disciplined person. Well, here's what you don't understand is that every time you cut that corner, every time you walk by that shopping cart, every time you walk by that litter, you know that it should be addressed, okay? A lot of people aren't aware, and the people who aren't aware, it doesn't affect their score. Alright, but when you're aware, it does affect your score because you fucking know that it's wrong. So every time you walk past one of these things that gets addressed, even if you identify it as something small and insignificant, you're making a withdrawal from your score. So when you walk past that shopping cart, your score goes from a 90 to an 89.

• 43:38Andy Frisella?

  Okay, and then on the way out, you walk past that cup that some piece of shit left in the parking lot, and now it goes from a fucking 89 to an 88. Okay, and then you do something else and it goes to an 87. And this is why discipline is something that has to be practiced on a daily basis by doing the things that you know need to be done to make investments in that score. Now, let's take it the opposite way, and you're a 90, alright? And you see that shopping cart, and it's out there, and you're like, fuck.

• 44:10Andy Frisella?

  Alright, I'll take care of it myself. Now it goes from a 90 to a 91. Okay, and then on the way out, you see that same cup, and you're like, man, what the fuck? And you pick that cup up, it goes from a 91 to a 92. But here's the thing that people don't understand. There's 10 people that saw you pick up that cup. There's 10 people that saw you put that shopping cart away. So it's not just about making the investment or making the deposit or the withdrawal. It's about who sees you make the deposit or the withdrawal. So, these little things that you have a trouble passing up on, the reason you're cutting those corners is because you don't understand how it affects you. When you build a high discipline level, you naturally want to protect it. So if you want to protect that high discipline level that you've

• 44:54Andy Frisella?

  that you've built, and you understand that little things take away from it, you're going to be much more likely to not cut the corners, yes? Yeah. Okay, so this is how you have to think of it. And this issue that this person's talking about is a very common issue, and this is also why. People who are very disciplined and then, you know, find themselves in this place where their life sort of fell apart. It's because you're not aware of how it works. You're misunderstanding the game. Same reason why people have a problem winning, dude. They think they could set a goal today. There's a lot of people listening today that are saying, "I'm gonna change my life this year." But they said it last year, and they said it the year before, and they said it the year before that, and they said it the year before that, and they can't understand why shit isn't working out for them.

• 45:39Andy Frisella?

  Well, shit's not working out for you because you don't understand that this is a 24-hour game. And when you win the day, and then you win the next day, and then you win the next day, and then you win the next day, and let's say you lose a day, and then you win another day, that compounds into your overall result. Okay? So typically how people do this, they say, "This year, I'm gonna lose 100 pounds." And then a week goes by, and they, they repeated the same pattern, right? They, they got to, they got to Wednesday, and they're like, "Oh, fuck. Drink sure does sound good, you know, I'm gonna order a pizza, I've had a rough day." And, and then they're like, "Fuck, I failed." Well, you know what? I'll start again on Monday. All right?

• 46:21Andy Frisella?

  And then what happens is that they repeat that cycle over and over and over again, and by the time, you know, March comes around, they're up another 10 pounds. But they're telling themselves, "Well, you know what? It's only March. I've got the rest of the year to do it, so I'll just go extra hard." And they keep going down the same path. They don't change. And then they're up another 10 pounds. And this is how, this is how I went from, you know, got all the way up to 350 pounds because I kept cutting myself off every Wednesday and starting over on Monday, and then between Wednesday and Monday, I'm like, "Well, I'm starting Monday, so I'm gonna get everything in that I can, and, and, uh, I'm gonna start Monday." So I, and, and I meant it.

• 47:03Andy Frisella?

  I meant I was gonna start Monday, but when Monday came around, it didn't really happen. So when we think about why people fail and why their situation continues to get worse, it's because they don't understand that, that, that, how to play the game. Okay? And here's the cool thing. This is the coolest part about it. When you start to understand the game, and you start to understand that I'm winning on a 24-hour basis, okay?

• 47:33Andy Frisella?

  What happens is, is that over the course of time, if you continue to win every single day, all right, and you win your weeks, and then you win your months, what happens is, is that winning becomes the standard. Okay, it's not something that you pursue, it's not something that you're after, it's something that you become. And that's where the power really lies. When you can take this winning standard of getting the day won every single day, and it becomes who you are automatically, you're, there, there isn't this like

• 48:08Andy Frisella?

  negativity, or pressure, or anxiety, or frustration eating at you anymore, because you know you're doing what you're supposed to do. And you're seeing it result in, uh, you're seeing it produce real results. So, think if you could take yourself from where you are right now, to a place where winning wasn't something that you even had to try to do. It just became your life. And that's what happens when you understand the game and you start to create this identity of, uh, you know, I'm a fucking winner. Okay, and when your identity starts to, to develop into this idea of like, well dude, I'm winning. I win every day. Now you've become extra powerful, because now no longer are you saying, well, I hope I win.

• 48:53Speaker 01

  I could do this.

• 48:54Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, you end up on TV like Kurt Signelli from, uh, from Indiana, and he's like, I fucking win, bro, Google me. Like, and people are like, oh, he's so cocky. No, he's not cocky, he's stating a fucking fact. I fucking win. Here's my track record. This is what we do in the operator standard, by the way. But it's not open, so you can't join right now.

• 49:17Speaker 01

  And let me ask you this, because I wanna, I wanna make sure we're setting some realistic expectations, specifically on this, the proverbial metaphorical bank account of discipline, right? Is it, is it a true one-on-one ratio? Right, like, and I ask that because like I, I, I think of it very similar to like losing weight, right, or, or a health journey, right, like it's gonna take some time for you to build up and get to where you wanna be, but a couple of fuckups here and there, cheat meals here and there, that's gonna set you back way more, you, you know what I'm saying? So like, is it a true one-to-one input-output when it comes to the discipline stuff? Missing that shopping cart versus putting that shopping cart back up, is it a true, you know, plus one?

• 49:55Andy Frisella?

  Yes, it is, because, yes, because it's not about the task, it's about the awareness.

• 50:02Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 50:02Andy Frisella?

  It's not about how hard the task is, it's about the fact that you did it.

• 50:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:07Andy Frisella?

  Okay, so whether or not it's pushing the shopping cart into the corral, or I've got this big pile of rocks that I gotta shovel from here to there and it's gonna take me eight hours, but I know it needs to be done, the discipline is still the same that you gain, because it's about the awareness of shit that needs to be done, and then you addressing it.

• 50:26Speaker 01

  Just doing it, so it don't even matter what the task is?

• 50:28Andy Frisella?

  No.

• 50:28Speaker 01

  It's doing it.

• 50:29Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 50:29Speaker 01

  I love it, dude.

• 50:30Andy Frisella?

  Bigger tasks, your question is more so like, do certain thi- can certain things damage you and take you back further?

• 50:39Speaker 01

  Right.

• 50:40Andy Frisella?

  Yes, they can, but that is different than what we're talking about.

• 50:45Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 50:45Andy Frisella?

  So like if you are to, like, one of the commonalities in, in, uh, you know, diet culture is, well, if you fucking go Monday through Friday and great, you could do whatever you want on the weekends, that's not true, okay, because mathematically, the weekends represent, uh, twenty-seven percent, almost thirty percent of your fucking week, okay? So if you're doing it sixty percent of the time, what's that grade in your, what's, what's a sixty percent in school?

• 51:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, right.

• 51:13Andy Frisella?

  It's a fucking F.

• 51:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, right.

• 51:14Andy Frisella?

  Okay?

• 51:15Speaker 01

  Right.

• 51:15Andy Frisella?

  So we have to understand that you can wipe out a week's progress with thirty percent of poor performance.

• 51:22Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 51:22Andy Frisella?

  That's the truth, but-

• 51:25Andy Frisella?

  That's not the same question as what we're talking about with discipline. That becomes the awareness that you have to handle things big or small. When you know they need to be handled and those make deposits or withdrawals. Units at a time, not mass units at a time. You don't get any more discipline from shoveling the rocks. That you do from putting the shopping cart away. You see what I'm saying?

• 51:48Speaker 01

  Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Cause you're you're just aware that you're getting.

• 51:52Andy Frisella?

  You're aware that it needs to be done and you're handling it. And every time that you handle the things that need to be done, you're making a deposit. Everything you don't, you're making a withdrawal and most people aren't aware of that. And that's why they feel disciplined one week and then six weeks later, they can't figure out why shit fell apart. Well, it's because the little things that you passed up along that whole entire way that you knew needed to be addressed. Leaked into the things that actually dictate what your results are. Okay. So let's say you walk by the shopping cart or you walk by the cup like we talked about. That leads into, well, it's just one meal. It's just one drink. And then that leads into, I'll start again on Monday.

• 52:34Andy Frisella?

  And then that leads into, you know what? I'll start after the wedding or I'll start, you know, March 1st. Or I'll start this, bro. There's only one fucking time to start and that's right motherfucking now. And if you can't fucking pick that up and do that, you're not going to win. That's reality. There's nothing casual about winning, dude. That's the, that's the biggest misunderstanding in culture. People think that they can casually win. They think that they can kind of want to win and win. There's nobody that's ever won. There's nobody that's ever been fit. There's nobody that's ever been rich. There's nobody that's ever done anything that you want to do, but haven't done yet. That did it casually. It's not reality. So this, this thing, this thinking in society.

• 53:15Andy Frisella?

  That everybody deserves to win and everybody will win with a casual effort is, it's fucking stupid, dude. It's a gross misunderstanding of the game. It's total arrogance. It's total disrespect to everybody else that's trying to achieve the goal. And it's you believing that you're much better than you are. And quite honestly, you're not. So we have to understand, yes, there's people competing for what we want. Yes, there's a limited amount of spots at the top. Yes. Everything fucking matters in getting there and you will never get there being casual about it. It's just not the real way it works. So.

• 53:53Andy Frisella?

  If you want to be a winner and you want to have a big fat bank account and you want to be in shape and you want to have the life that you think you want, you better understand that. Or you could just be like everybody else and accept it. Because I'm going to tell you this, you know what's worse than losing? Is having all of these dreams and all of these goals and everything that you want to do and never fucking doing them and then keep telling yourself, I'm gonna do them one day. You'll waste your whole motherfucking life. So either accept right now that you're going to be a fucking winner and do it, or accept right now that you're not and just live your life. Because the worst thing you can do is think about all of these things that you want to be and never fucking execute on them.

• 54:34Speaker 01

  That's worse than losing.

• 54:35Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, it is worse than losing because it's agonizing. It's agonizing. It will eat you fucking alive.

• 54:42Speaker 01

  Losing, at least you can say, well, at least I fucking tried.

• 54:44Andy Frisella?

  No, or you could just say, you could just say, fuck, this is what I accept. I accept a mediocre life. I accept a subpar life. But then you can't be mad at people who don't accept that.

• 54:56Speaker 01

  Right.

• 54:56Andy Frisella?

  Right? So, uh, yeah, man. I mean, look, dude, it's, it's very simple. Um, people overcomplicate it.

• 55:11Andy Frisella?

  It takes a lot of effort.

• 55:14Andy Frisella?

  But anybody can do it. And, um,

• 55:18Andy Frisella?

  you know, I, I certainly wouldn't want to be one of these people that, that talks about all these things they're going to do and then lives in that nether, nether, you know, region of like fucking, you know, I want to do it, but I'm not doing it. That's, that's going to destroy someone's life.

• 55:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:34Andy Frisella?

  So either accept that you're going to win or accept that you're not going to win. And stop talking about it.

• 55:40Speaker 01

  Love it, dude. I love it, man. Well, guys, Andy, that was three.

• 55:44Andy Frisella?

  Yep.

• 55:44Speaker 01

  That's a hell of a way to start a week, dude.

• 55:46Andy Frisella?

  Yep. All right, guys, we will see you tonight at seven. Don't be a hoe.