Pod Insights Podcast Business News Network 14242 Steve Harper Interviews Sherri Ann Alexandrovich Owner of New Beginnings Wellness Center About this episode https://www.newbeginningswc.com/ Listen to us live on mytuner-radio, onlineradiobox, fmradiofree.com and streema.com (the simpleradio app)https://onlineradiobox.com/search?cs=us.pbnnetwork1&q=podcast%20business%20news%20network&c=ushttps://www.fmradiofree.com/search?q=podcast+business+news+networkhttps://mytuner-radio.com/search/?q=business+news+networkhttps://streema.com/radios/search/?q=podcast+business+news+network
Transcript 0:05 Speaker 00 Broadcasting from the business capital of the world, this is the Podcast Business News Network. Welcome back everyone. My, my mind always thinks in music. Love music. We all love some type of music. Song pops in my head just now from the amazingly talented, unfortunately gone David Bowie, mid seventies. Song is called Changes. The lyrics are, changes, turn and face the strange. Changes. None of us really like to turn and face the strange. It's uncomfortable. We're wired to stay the same because it's safe, but then things don't change and there's no progression.
0:49 Speaker 00 There's no transformation. There's no transition. How do we turn and face the strange essentially? How do we make that easier? She helps people with this all the time. Has so much insight on many different things. She's our diamond of the decade and the woman behind a wonderful team of mental health professionals, helping people with this type of thing every single day up in Massachusetts. Sherry Ann Alexandrovich is back with us. How are you doing today?
1:18 Speaker 01 I'm doing good. How about yourself?
1:20 Speaker 00 Well, very well. And the, the, the, the changes, it's, it's not easy, right? And is it, you know, what I'm saying, this is just what I'm thinking, that it's, we stay consistent because it's the known and we feel safe in our, in our zone. But is that, is that essentially why we don't like to change things?
1:40 Speaker 01 Well, I think part of it is that, you know, the devil we know is better than the devil we don't. So it's definitely that routine and that stability that kind of keeps us drawn to things that even though we know that they're no longer serving us or they're no longer good for us because. It requires an adjustment with change, right? A significant disruption sometimes in our life. And it can cause stress and anxiety and depression. And it carries with us a weight, you know, a heaviness, a sense of loss. And, you know, it can be whether or not that's something that we chose or something that was chosen for us. I think each one is just as impactful on us.
2:21 Speaker 01 And it also is, you know, it carries different opportunities for us as well. I mean, if you think about it, with change, something shifted. The things that we knew no longer exist. And that can be really dysregulating for us because, you know, it shakes something else inside of us. And that could be something that's good, that could be something that's bad, that could be both. And so I was kind of like been doing a lot of transitional stuff in my own personal life. So I wrote a poem that I thought might be helpful to, to read and, and just maybe pick apart after, if that's okay?
2:58 Speaker 00 Please, I just got comfortable in my chair because your, your poems are amazing. And I'm not just saying that because we are together here. They are like, I don't know where it comes, where you tapped to, to, to write these. And you've even shared that sometimes you've written them a few minutes before you go on. Sometimes it was, you know, middle of the night, you wake up and you write them down. Um, yeah, please share.
3:23 Speaker 01 Okay. All right. So this one is called Transitions Are Hard. Transitions are hard, especially when they are not ours to choose. They arrive uninvited, disrupting the rhythm we thought we understood. And yet, within each moment, there is an offering, an opportunity to grow, to learn, to become wiser, more resilient than we were before. But how do we hold on to that knowing when the storm begins inside of us? When our boat is rocked by waves we did not see coming and our anchor feels loose, uncertain as if it may not hold. How do we carry the lessons of light into the heaviness of loss? And remember, even here, there is meaning.
4:07 Speaker 01 We are not meant to be still. We are meant to stretch, to evolve, to change, even when change feels frightening, even when it is unclear. The world was never designed to be static. It was made to move, to transform, to teach us how to begin again. So we gather our supports, we steady our hands, we batten down our ship, secure what we can, and we prepare for the waves. And in the distance, or maybe deep within, there is always a lighthouse, a quiet, steady glow, an inner compass that does not abandon us in the dark. Sometimes the fog is too thick to see it. Sometimes the winds are too strong.
4:51 Speaker 01 The rain is too relentless, or the night is too heavy. Those are the moments we are allowed to rest, to be still, to stay warm, to heal, to gather strength. Because the sun will return, and when it does, we will rise with it, carrying every lesson, every piece of growth, every fragment of strength we earned in the storm. We are not meant for the light. We are meant for the light, but we are shaped in the dark. And both are part of becoming who we were meant to be.
5:27 Speaker 00 That really does say it all. And there's so many different things to extract from that. Finding the meaning. Now, that, that came up. Do you believe that when we're forced to change, something just presents? Didn't see that one coming. It's ultimately for our higher good. There was a reason behind it, ultimately. You might not know it right away, but ultimately, what are your, what are your feelings?
5:55 Speaker 01 I, I agree. I think that the universe will present us with opportunities. And I think that life presents us with opportunities. And we sometimes are going down a path and different things come up. And whether that change was presented to us, whether we... Initiated it or whether it was kind of put on, put upon us, there was, there's always a reason for it happening, right? There's always an intention. Life offers us opportunities for change, for growth, to be a, the best version of ourselves. And it's, sometimes it's hard to let go of things that no longer serve us.
6:30 Speaker 00 Hmm.
6:30 Speaker 01 Because, and you know, while we're in that transition stage, I think sometimes we, we might go back and we might re- review it or think of it from a different perspective because we're not really wired to just a- adjust and adapt to, to, to change. We like things to be static. We wanna believe and, and for most of us who are hopeful individuals, we wanna believe that that situation can get better or that opportunity can be better. And, and sometimes some people stay in those situations longer than, than other people do. But I think overall, we all have to evolve and grow. And in order to do that, we have to keep that forward movement. We have to kind of keep our face in the sun and, and just keep gravitating towards what serves us.
7:16 Speaker 01 And let go of what doesn't serve us. Because when we're, we're rereading chapters or we're rereading things and, and hoping to change that narrative, that's what keeps us stuck. And, you know, if we think about the, the Broken Charger home that I had written, you know, I think we read it about a month or so ago. Our past can't have a better presence from the people that we're seeing today, from the people in our lives today. So we have to always be making sure that we're, we're making that forward movement and allow ourselves to have that opportunity to grieve. Because change is tough. Loss is difficult. And we have to process that in order to heal and be the stronger versions of ourselves.
7:58 Speaker 00 So you said, loss involved in change. And I'm trying to process that.
8:04 Speaker 01 Okay.
8:05 Speaker 00 Is there always a loss involved in a change? I'm not looking to get a yes answer, but I'm looking at all different changes around me and others and, because it is my belief that we're all grieving all the time.
8:19 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
8:21 Speaker 00 All the time. And it could be little things.
8:23 Speaker 01 Yeah.
8:24 Speaker 00 Or, you know, loss. Um, you know, people get older, less mobility, might not realize it. Kind of bummed out about it. That's a loss. And, and what is grief? Loss. That's one example. Somebody, you may have lost a job years ago, still grieving. You don't even realize it. It's in the back of your mind, but it's there. I'm wondering if all change involves some type of loss. Kind of thinking it does, but I'm not sure.
8:49 Speaker 01 I think in variant degrees, I think that all change will, um, it, it signifies a transition. Is probably a better way of, of framing that. Um, and sometimes transitions have loss. And I think that it, it really depends on what the situation is. I mean, yeah, I'm kind of like thinking, right? You got my mind reeling because I'm thinking like, even if we, even if we change jobs and it's something that is a wonderful promotion for us.
9:17 Speaker 00 Yep.
9:17 Speaker 01 There's still that level of loss of the, of the job that we had, right? Or even if we're going through a divorce and we've got something, we know that this is what's in our best interest. There's a level of loss of what there was in, in, in some capacity. Or if we are, um, you know, buying a new car, I guess you've got an attachment to the old car.
9:37 Speaker 00 Yes.
9:38 Speaker 01 Kind of agree with you. I'm, I'm trying to find this scenario, which loss wouldn't be, um, a component. But yeah, I think, I think you're right, Steve. I think that in, in many situations that there is a level of loss. I just think that the enormity of what that is varies depending on the impact of what that change or that transition is.
9:58 Speaker 00 And again, Sherri Ann, I'm not making this negative, but you're right. Got a new job. It's fantastic. I'm making more money. It's great. You know, rising up the ladder and all of that. Ta-da. In the back of your head, you might even, you might even not even think of it. But, well, I put a lot of years in there and I'm not going to see those people anymore. And I enjoyed doing what I was doing. Wow, this is a great opportunity. Sure. But there's a little bit of grief there. Um, that comes along with the change.
10:28 Speaker 01 When our kids graduate college, when they, you know, graduate high school, that's a change. One that as parents we've prepared for, we want, we want our kids to go away to college. But there's a loss that's involved with that.
10:38 Speaker 00 Sure.
10:39 Speaker 01 You know, our, our baby is now leaving the house and, you know, I remember when my daughter moved to Arizona and she had graduated high school and decided to go to college out there. I was super, I mean, I was so proud of her that she had come to me with this well laid out plan of everything. She, she had a, an answer to every no that she had anticipated I was gonna come up with. And in one hand, so proud of the warrior and woman that she had become. And at the same time, there was this significant loss that my God, my best friend is moving across the United States. So I think that with, there's this duality, I think, in everything that we do in life. I think that we are able to hold two emotions, which is why the word and I think is
11:24 Speaker 01 so impactful for us because it gives us that flexibility to, you know, enjoy the moments of happiness and forward movement and also allow ourselves to have that moment of loss or, or um, sadness that comes along with it.
11:40 Speaker 00 Hmm. We've talked about that before. Words to use and not to use, but being one of those words that you shouldn't use, and is a better choice to put that in there. Um, how do we, let's look at this in different ways. Now, you're, you're faced with making a decision that involves a change. So now it's under your control. You weren't forced into it. It didn't come as a surprise. We'll hit that one up in a sec. Two forks, two forks in the road. Not sure which one to take. It's gonna be change. Maybe one of them is just keep on doing what you're doing. The other one is a new opportunity, a change. How do you process that? How do you make the decision?
12:21 Speaker 01 So it really, um, my, always my go-to is make a checklist. A pros and cons for each avenue, because the best way that we can work through something is to write it out, not inside your minds, because what happens inside of our mind is we run down this like rabbit hole of perseveration and we forget what it is that we said, or we can't really counter things that are inside of our brain. So write it out, put your fork in the road. What are your two choices that you're opting for? And then go down the line of what are the pros and cons of each one? You know, is choice A serving us? Is it, you know, um, Offering us what support to who we are authentically, who we wanna be,
13:03 Speaker 01 who we wanna be in our future, for our family, for our friends, for ourselves. And then kind of go through that pros and cons list. And then the same for whatever it is that we're looking to change too. I think that is the best way, data, data is super important. I love data. I like thrive on that stuff. So every time I'm working with my clients, we're always doing lists and we're looking at what is the data support? Because that gives us information. It allows us that flexibility to be able to look at things from different perspectives. Because sometimes the things that we're attached to or that we are um really having a hard time giving up are just things out of habit. They're not things that are self-serving. They're not things that are in our best interest, but we're afraid to make that change.
13:48 Speaker 01 And sometimes we're stuck on things that were okay for us in in one genre of our life. And we have evolved and changed and grown and have become somebody different. And those things no longer serve us. And so either that situation, event, or person grows and changes and evolves with us, or they don't. And and sometimes that can be a a difficult decision that we have to make. And so I think if we're looking at both sides of the scale of the pros and cons of both things, and then go back a day or two later and reread it. Look at it from a different lens. Bring it into your therapy session, process it with a friend. Have somebody else read it and ask you the questions because
14:33 Speaker 01 I have found that many times we have set restrictions or goals for ourselves based on an earlier version of who we are. Hmm. Could have grown and changed. It is no longer that child self that set those types of expectations for us or for other people. And so we always wanna be looking at when I made that rule or that change in my life or that decision, which version of me made that? And is that still serving us today? And and I do that exercise a lot in a lot of different topics with my clients, not just in change or transformation.
15:12 Speaker 01 Um but also in in things of, you know, when you're when you're that type of person that lives very rigidly by your rules. And you have to have certain things done in a certain way. I'll challenge that by saying, what age was the person?
15:28 Speaker 01 That made those rules, was that your thirteen year old anxious self that was going through, you know, a traumatic event in your life and you created this rigidity of of structure that helped to protect you and keep you safe? Well, now you're twenty three and ten years has gone by, is that still serving you? Is what you put in place still makes sense for the person that you are today? And sometimes that can be a really clarifying moment for people.
15:54 Speaker 00 Ooh, um, thank you for saying that, because we forget that we're always evolving and we may be riding on the old us because it's safe and and instead of making the decision for choice B instead of A, uh, it's based on old programming. And I I'm I'm right there with you. I call it the scale of life, you know, just, you know, write it down and weigh it all out. But then then I sit with it, like you call it your intuition, whatever, ask, sit in silence, like, think about it. What makes you feel better? What makes your brain might say, well, you know, it's scary, you know, it's something new. You know, I'm in a I'm in a position now where everything's good. This is the unknown.
16:36 Speaker 00 What if I take that job and and I it doesn't last? Who knows? You're always going to come up with excuses. But what what do you feel? I always do that. I don't know if that's for everybody else, but I listen.
16:48 Speaker 01 And so, good question, what if? I just had this conversation with my client this morning. She is transitioning into a new job and she's like, what if, what if? And I said, what if? You're right. What if? What if this new job doesn't work out? What is the worst thing that's going to happen? What if this new decision doesn't work out? What is the worst thing that's going to happen? She's like, oh, my God, I can't go there. Why can't you go there? Let's review all of the things that you have successfully overcome in your life. And let's review, is this new job opportunity?
17:19 Speaker 01 Something that you don't feel like you could, you could over, she's a very, very anxious individual. And, and she, one of my, you know, somebody I've had for a long time and amazing, amazing, amazing amounts of progress that she has made. And so I remind her of all of her successes in life and so what if, you're right, what if? That, that's the world that we live in. We don't have a crystal ball. We don't know what's going to happen next. But what we can do is we can evaluate what that what if is, we can evaluate what are our coping skills? Who are our support systems and what, what lens are we looking at this through? Are we catastrophizing? Are we um comparing it to something that's happened in our past?
18:00 Speaker 01 And again, so now we're rewriting history because we don't want to relive it. We want to rewrite it. We want it to have a different ending. So we want to take whatever that attachment is to whatever negative experience that we've had and we want to alter it and shape it. Because we already know it didn't end well the first time. Why do we want to go through that a second time? We want to make some changes and some adjustments and be able to look that there's always that forward movement.
18:27 Speaker 00 Is that something you can help people with? Try to dissect things and, and pull it apart as opposed to being all, you know, like the ball all tied up there where it's like, ah, I can't, I can't focus on it. I can't process it. We get in our heads. It happens all the time.
18:43 Speaker 01 That, that, this, that is the foundation of almost every therapy session I have with every client, regardless of what they're experiencing. Because everything ties down to our inner critic. It all ties down to what is our perception of ourselves? What is our perception of the world and how are we evaluating our resiliency in that moment? Are we optimistic about it? Are we hopeful? Are we negative? Where does that come from? So diving into the what if is so important and it's one of the hardest things that you can do in therapy. But one of the most transformative things that we can do because we don't want to stay stuck.
19:22 Speaker 00 Letting go of the what if is so difficult, but again, when you think about it, we don't know what's going to happen in five minutes with full certainty. I have no idea. Five days, five years, five months, whatever it might be. No one can say, this is, I guarantee, absolutely, we don't know. And they also say too, and they've done surveys and research on this, that roughly the numbers 90%, 91% of the things that we worry about never transpire. You are completely wasting your time.
19:53 Speaker 01 Borrowing trouble. I use that saying all the time with my clients. Are you borrowing trouble or is that real? Think about, yeah, think about the amount of time in a day we borrow trouble, or we perseverate over something that is probably not ever going to happen. The minutes, the hours of a day we waste trying to anticipate or trying to predict something that is extremely unpredictable. The world is unpredictable. I can go into a therapy session with the best well-played out structure. And I learned this about 15 years ago, I stopped preparing for therapy because you know what? You never know what that client is going to come in and they're gonna have, that's gonna be something they
20:38 Speaker 01 need to deal with for today. So we can spend all the time preparing for a particular outcome, but we also have to have that adaptability. We have to have that flexibility for change because we don't know what's going to happen. And the most important things that we can do for ourselves is build our resiliency, build our ability to look at things from a more hopeful lens because we don't want to stay stuck. We don't want to stay in that dark storm. We don't have, all have a lighthouse. No matter who it is, we have one.
21:08 Speaker 00 Well, it's safe. There it is. Right back to the, you know, the safety thing. And when I started doing podcasts after years of broadcasting on a radio, and I still do that, never did podcasts. What was my first thought? Well, I should write things out, should have some kind of script, be prepared, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And there's something to be said for some preparation. But just like the therapy sessions, I don't do anything. I show up. I don't even think about it because it just, you know, it flows and that's the way it works. You know, you can't plan these things. And with that comes freedom. It feels good. In life in general, when you're not bound by the worry, you just kind of let it go because most of the things that happen around you,
21:50 Speaker 00 you have no control over anyway. You take that, you choice B, you take that job, you, you could stay there for 30 years, you could stay there for 30 days. You have no control over it. But if you don't take that chance, you're not going to move your life forward. And guess what? If it does end in 30 days, you could say, I did it. And now I can do the next one. I got it.
22:12 Speaker 01 I think the biggest thing is to have faith in yourself. That's what's first and foremost is, is know that you deserve whatever this new opportunity is, regardless of whether it's small or whether it's huge.
22:23 Speaker 00 For sure.
22:24 Speaker 01 You do that. You have worked hard in your life and you will, you will reap what you sow, right? We, we all, we all deserve to be happy and we're going to make whatever the best opportunities that we can in our life. And as long as we continue to stay with our moral integral foundation, how can we go wrong? If we don't lose sight of who we are and what we believe in, doesn't matter whatever that is, it doesn't matter whatever that transition is, it doesn't matter. If we stay true and genuine to who we are, what is there to complain about, right?
23:00 Speaker 00 No, because you're being you. And that's, we could do a whole podcast on authenticity. But it, there's, there's something that's beautiful comes from that. And by the way, the word deserve, everybody start using that word. Start using that word. And things you don't deserve, or you deserve better. I like to write on the deserve better instead of being on the negative side of things. And like you said with that job, if you're faced with making, or whatever it is, making a change, you're, you're faced with the change for a reason because it was presented to you because of who you are. You deserve it. So embrace it. Or, or talk about it, you know? And then that's what you're there for. New BeginningsWC.com is, that's a website, right?
23:46 Speaker 01 It is, yes.
23:47 Speaker 00 Yeah. You work with people in Massachusetts, but certainly virtually anywhere as well. Thank you, Sherri Ann, for, it's a difficult subject for many of us, change.
23:59 Speaker 01 It really is, for sure.
24:01 Speaker 00 I appreciate it. And looking forward to the next poem too, by the way.
24:07 Speaker 01 Sounds good. Thank you very much.
24:08 Speaker 00 Always good stuff.
24:15 Speaker 00 Broadcasting from the business capital of the world. This is the Podcast Business News Network.
24:23 Speaker 02 When I was little, I didn't talk for a long time. I liked things to always be the same. Anything new or different would scare and upset me. I was very sensitive to lights and sounds. It was almost like I had bigger eyes and ears than everyone else.
24:41 Speaker 02 So I built secret hiding places where nothing could get in. I didn't like looking people in the eye. It made me feel uncomfortable. I'd throw big tantrums over little things like when my socks didn't match. Sometimes I'd do the same things over and over.
24:59 Speaker 02 Until one day, I found out I had autism. My family got me help. Slowly, I learned how to live with it better.
25:07 Speaker 03 You can see signs of autism in children as young as 18 months. Early intervention can make a lifetime of difference. Learn the signs at AutismSpeaks.org/signs. Brought to you by Autism Speaks and the Ad Council.
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