⚽ The Worlds Slowest Penalty Kick⚽

Manchester United hit the 'reset' button with a draw away at Leeds. But is the axe inevitable for Carrick and who is the favourite for the job? Is the entire season a waste of time if Sham City don't get punished soon? And who are your favourite niche foreign players from yesteryear? Enjoy! If you want to get in touch with the show you can; Email us: [email protected] And follow us on Instagram and Tiktok: @footballinghell FPL team -⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ join the Footballing / Parenting Hell mini league ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ LEAGUE CODE: 1a5fc7 Leave us a 5* review and subscribe to the podcast please. You know the score by now. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Footballing Hell ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Monday (don't worry - it's business as usual on Tuesday and Friday with the usual Parenting Hell episodes) A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:32Speaker 01

  The action's on the court and as the official beer sponsor of the NBA, Michelob Ultra is getting fans closer to the game with a chance to win courtside seats, merch and more. Visit michelobultra.com/courtside to enter. Michelob Ultra Courtside, 26 to 27. No purchase necessary. Open to US residents 21+ begins on October 1st, 2026 and ends on June 30th, 2027. Multiple entry periods. See official rules at michelobultra.com/courtside for free entry, entry deadlines, prizes and details.

• 1:00Speaker 02

  Are your ad campaigns lighting up the dashboard? But not the pipeline. That's bull spend and marketers are calling it out in dashboard confessions. My boss asked for results, so I opened my dashboard for the only positive sounding metric I had. Impressions. Cut the bull spend. See revenue, not just reach. LinkedIn delivers the highest return on ad spend of major ad networks. Advertise on LinkedIn. Spend $250 on your first campaign and get a $250 credit. Go to linkedin.com/campaign. Terms and conditions apply.

• 1:41Speaker 03

  Hello, this is Football in Hell with me, Rob Beckett and Josh Widdercombe. No football this week, Josh.

• 1:47Speaker 04

  You know, when you don't even remember what you've talked about before. And I just got a text last night saying Frank's arse literally relegated, Conte near the top.

• 1:57Speaker 03

  Pardon? Is this what you said on Strictly?

• 1:58Speaker 04

  No, this is just from a friend. And I was like, what the hell is this? And then I was like, oh yeah, we were talking about the ranking of the Tottenham manager's arses.

• 2:08Speaker 03

  Oh, yes, yes.

• 2:09Speaker 04

  You know, we forget what we've talked about.

• 2:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, you know, it's weird considering how long we pour over the script. It just goes from our mind at the end of a record. Do you know what I mean? It's mad.

• 2:20Speaker 04

  Yeah. What shirt are you wearing, Rob?

• 2:22Speaker 03

  I've got a London City Lionesses number 10 Van der Donck shirt on.

• 2:26Speaker 04

  Oh, God, it fits then. Your daughter's shirt?

• 2:29Speaker 03

  No, no, I bought one.

• 2:30Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 2:31Speaker 03

  So we've all got matching shirts now. And my daughter got hers signed by Daniel Van der Donck. So now we're in a predicament where she's got a signed shirt because basically the players go to the edge of the pitch to sign.

• 2:42Speaker 04

  Sharpie?

• 2:42Speaker 03

  So you've got a Sharpie, yeah, but.

• 2:45Speaker 04

  So you can wash it?

• 2:46Speaker 03

  Can you wash a Sharpie? It's a risk.

• 2:48Speaker 04

  It's a risk.

• 2:49Speaker 03

  It's just, it's a level of adrenaline I don't need on a Monday morning, kneeling by the washing machine, picking up her shirt to see if it's still on there.

• 2:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, you don't need that. You don't need that dry clean only.

• 3:01Speaker 03

  I think she might ask for the away shirt for Christmas because then she can wear that one to games.

• 3:07Speaker 04

  Have you become a big London City Lionesses fan?

• 3:10Speaker 03

  What I'm loving most is it's literally a 15 minute drive or like 20 minute bus. And I love going to something as a family that we're all invested in about the same level.

• 3:24Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 3:25Speaker 03

  Do you know what I mean? So like, if it's like, I go to England or Arsenal teams are followed for longer, when they're not bothered. And also it's like, you know, that's why people support the local team. It's more fun, the more relaxed. So I love that we all go together and we really care.

• 3:37Speaker 04

  Welcome.

• 3:38Speaker 03

  And it's good fun. So yeah, I'm loving going as a, would I go on my own on a Saturday without the kids? Probably not. But I love going as a, all four of us.

• 3:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:47Speaker 03

  And Lou's mum and dad came as well, which is nice. So, you know, I love it. It's really nice little family day.

• 3:52Speaker 04

  You don't strike me as football fans, Lou's mum and dad.

• 3:54Speaker 03

  No, Lou's dad, Lou's dad loves football. He's a Portsmouth fan, but not really. He, he was like, he moved around a lot. His dad was in the navy, so he moved around a lot. But obviously they ended up in Portsmouth. That's where the ships all go.

• 4:07Speaker 04

  He could have been a Plymouth fan, Rob. You know Plymouth and Portsmouth have the Dock Derby.

• 4:13Speaker 03

  The Dock Derby? What's a Dock Derby?

• 4:15Speaker 04

  Well, we're both dock, both navy docks. So there's a kind of rivalry between Plymouth and Portsmouth.

• 4:21Speaker 03

  Well, I think we've spoken, we've spoken before about Southampton and Portsmouth and that they're called the scummers and the skates.

• 4:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, Plymouth and Portsmouth have a long running rivalry.

• 4:32Speaker 03

  And I feel like there isn't, Plymouth have invented that because you need one. Because Exeter's quite far away, isn't it?

• 4:41Speaker 04

  No, well, it is. It's 50 miles, our local dock, yeah.

• 4:44Speaker 03

  It's meant, yeah. So you're trying to invent another one with like, oh, we've got boats. I mean, it's a bit pathetic.

• 4:50Speaker 04

  It is lame. It is lame.

• 4:52Speaker 03

  A little bit. Look, I don't want to start beef this early on what is 8am on a Monday morning at the start of half term where, let's face it, we're all over the place. I can hear a child shouting in your house, but that's, that, you know, but the problem is we can't blame that on parenting now because this is football. In the past, that's part of the, the atmos.

• 5:12Speaker 04

  He's shouting man on.

• 5:14Speaker 03

  Absolutely. Well, if he is shouting man on and you're in the house of your wife and two children, I'd go and check.

• 5:26Speaker 03

  I, ah, so this is my problem with women's football. My terminology, if someone that you shout man on.

• 5:34Speaker 04

  Right, right, right, right. Of course. Woman on.

• 5:37Speaker 03

  Woman out, woman on feels a bit performative. Player on feels kinky. Woman on, everyone. That's right. I'm a male here. Woman on. I'm pretty progressive. Woman on.

• 5:50Speaker 04

  That's a good point.

• 5:51Speaker 03

  Player on's too much. You know what I mean?

• 5:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't shout man on when I go to the football anyway. Because I think you're over, you're overplaying the influence I think you have on the pitch.

• 6:06Speaker 03

  I would agree. However, in the women's, in the women's game.

• 6:10Speaker 04

  I'm never at Argyle seeing people go man on and the player, oh, thank God, and pass it on.

• 6:15Speaker 03

  I know, but honestly, because it's a small ground and sometimes the crowd's quiet, you can have an impact.

• 6:23Speaker 04

  Right, yeah, yeah.

• 6:24Speaker 03

  Which is terrible for someone like me that's got an attention problem and a loud voice.

• 6:28Speaker 04

  What do you think of, and it happens a lot, Argyle, if a player gets a sniff of any space, 25 to 30 yards out, everyone shouts shoot.

• 6:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's fun though, isn't it? That's more like.

• 6:43Speaker 04

  Yeah. Do you think that entices them to do it? Would it make you think, go on then?

• 6:49Speaker 03

  I'm always thinking about shooting. I was working this out the other day. When I play five aside, I don't really like people that keep the score.

• 6:58Speaker 04

  You've said this. You don't like it. Yeah.

• 7:00Speaker 03

  No, I get it if you're in a league and a power league thing and obviously you have to, you know, that's part of it is you're a competitive league. And if you want to do that kind of, that's great. And Sunday league and you're in a league.

• 7:10Speaker 04

  Is it?

• 7:10Speaker 03

  But, but, yeah, oh, yeah, because it's part of it.

• 7:13Speaker 04

  What are you trying to prove?

• 7:15Speaker 03

  No, but, yeah, but that is a separate conversation.

• 7:18Speaker 04

  Oh, I'm player of the season. Oh, you didn't make it. Admit it.

• 7:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. That you could argue. However, when it is 10 blokes that just know each other because the kids go to the same school and they just want to run around on a Sunday night or a Tuesday afternoon, it does like, who cares? Like this, sometimes I'll go past someone and score a goal or they'll go past me and score a goal.

• 7:44Speaker 04

  Naturally, naturally.

• 7:46Speaker 03

  The geezer's knees strapped up, everyone's hobbling, people are about to pass out. It's not like, you're not achieving much. Yeah, like seven, four, let's keep going. I don't, I just find it embarrassing.

• 7:56Speaker 04

  Well, this is a problem we've got, Rob. I don't know if you're, if you've noticed that we were, we were the victim of a online pile on.

• 8:06Speaker 03

  Were we?

• 8:07Speaker 04

  But not really. Some people are quite angry.

• 8:10Speaker 03

  We are getting piled on from every direction at the moment. I don't know what's happened to our careers, but we are right at the fuck. So honestly, it's like I've climbed out of a trench and just walked towards the Germans bare, barehanded.

• 8:21Speaker 04

  This is why you didn't notice it, Rob. It is absolute open season on people that did the London Open mic circuit in around 2009 at the moment.

• 8:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a weird thing where if you, if you were doing Jonglers in 2009, five minute spots, all of a sudden you're Harry and Meghan.

• 8:43Speaker 04

  I wouldn't want to be Joel Dommett, he's going to be next in line.

• 8:47Speaker 03

  Piler, what we got piled on.

• 8:50Speaker 04

  People said we did like football because we said it didn't matter.

• 8:53Speaker 03

  Oh, one of my favourite, I saw that, one of the favourite comments was, I hate these people like, I'll tell you the two people he said, who pretend, who hate football, but then pretend to like it because it's in fashion. There's a lot to do with it. Football's not in fashion. I say football's been popular forever. The two names, Chris Moyles, Chris Evans.

• 9:13Speaker 03

  I mean, how old's this man commenting?

• 9:18Speaker 03

  I mean, what a mad, mad example. He's still got beef with Chris Moyles where Chris Moyles once said he was a Leeds fan on the Radio 1 Breakfast Show 25 years ago.

• 9:30Speaker 04

  Oh my word.

• 9:31Speaker 03

  I do like football. I love going to football.

• 9:34Speaker 04

  I've just got into it. Admittedly, one Google, he could have seen I did a 90s football podcast, which would be a wild way to try and rewrite your history about liking football back in the day.

• 9:44Speaker 03

  I did the magic sponge about football 15 years ago.

• 9:48Speaker 04

  Right, it's been quite a boring weekend, but I think there's a few things we need to discuss.

• 9:52Speaker 03

  Let's, before another pylon starts, it is quite a good weekend if you are really into results. But from a soap opera point of view, the main problem is Tottenham haven't played and Tottenham Hotspur, Tottenham Hotspur, Tottenham at the moment are out.

• 10:07Speaker 04

  Rob, when you pretend to be a football fan, you've got to learn the name of Tottenham Hotspur.

• 10:11Speaker 03

  By the way, I keep getting all the foot, I didn't realise I didn't know footballers' names properly until I've said them out loud to other people because they've only been in my head. Apparently I call Florian Wirtz, have been called Fabio Wirtz. So I, I'm getting everyone, who's to get the Liverpool midfielder, Gravenbarch? Gravenback?

• 10:30Speaker 04

  My Gravenback.

• 10:32Speaker 03

  My Gravenback. I have seen as well, Michael, you know, we, we hold you in high esteem on this show as a sort of football guy. And, you know, I don't like to get bogged down in the, in the comments, but in a pylon, you need to be across these sort of things. And a couple of people are questioning your, your views that you just read them off Twitter.

• 10:47Speaker 05

  I know, I quite enjoyed that.

• 10:50Speaker 05

  What you realise is how tribal contemporary football is.

• 10:53Speaker 03

  I know.

• 10:54Speaker 05

  People just don't like you criticizing their team.

• 10:56Speaker 03

  I know, it's mad.

• 10:57Speaker 05

  They take it really personally.

• 11:00Speaker 03

  Hashtag off their wife.

• 11:02Speaker 04

  It's so weird. Imagine if Ron Roberts said Plymouth haven't got any near rivals, I'd got really angry.

• 11:09Speaker 03

  Except it's Derby Derby, just because it's not, you know, there's too many clubs in London because London's have a crowd and it's a shit hole. You know, that kind of stuff. Right, here we go. Carlisle and Barrow will play each other in the Cumbrian Derby in the National League, right? This was, when was this? This is five months old. That is the biggest gap between two grounds, 78 miles by car.

• 11:30Speaker 04

  Blimey.

• 11:32Speaker 03

  But there's nothing else around there, is it? It's like.

• 11:34Speaker 04

  No.

• 11:34Speaker 03

  Have you been to Barrow?

• 11:36Speaker 04

  Carlisle are a sleeping giant, Rob.

• 11:39Speaker 03

  Then, I'm going to tell you now, they're not.

• 11:45Speaker 03

  Shrewsbury-Herford, 78 miles, Palace-Brighton, 46 miles.

• 11:50Speaker 04

  Palace-Brighton's not really.

• 11:51Speaker 03

  46 miles Plymouth-Exeter.

• 11:53Speaker 04

  46, okay. Well, that's not bad.

• 11:55Speaker 03

  Ipswich-Norwich is 45. I thought that was closer. Yeah.

• 11:59Speaker 04

  I thought it would be closer.

• 12:00Speaker 03

  Flat as fuck up there though, mate.

• 12:02Speaker 04

  No, it's not bad. The A38, the A38 Derby, the Devon Expressway Derby.

• 12:07Speaker 03

  What's the A303? Is that not you?

• 12:09Speaker 04

  That's London to Devon.

• 12:10Speaker 03

  That's the main road.

• 12:11Speaker 04

  That's London to Devon. So that would be, that would be kind of Exeter versus.

• 12:17Speaker 03

  Brentford.

• 12:18Speaker 04

  Would be the A303 Derby.

• 12:19Speaker 03

  Do we go through the results? Manu, Manu? Do you want to talk about Manu?

• 12:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, let's talk about Lisandro Martinez because that's the most exciting bit of the week, wasn't it?

• 12:27Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 12:28Speaker 04

  Did you, you didn't watch it live, did you? Did you watch it live, Michael?

• 12:31Speaker 03

  No, I was out. I missed, I was out a bit this weekend. Oh, I went to something you'd like.

• 12:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:38Speaker 03

  Do you know Mr. Cutts? He's a music producer.

• 12:41Speaker 04

  Oh, right.

• 12:43Speaker 03

  Music producer, producer like storms in, he's done loads of like big acts, but he's got his own Instagram page where it's like, new music's cool, but have you heard old music? And he plays loads of songs you would never have heard of. Anyway, I went to, Josh, I went to a club night.

• 12:57Speaker 04

  What? Sorry, what's this got to do with football?

• 13:02Speaker 03

  The reason, the reason why I didn't watch the football because I was at this event.

• 13:06Speaker 04

  Oh, okay.

• 13:07Speaker 03

  It started at five, finished at nine.

• 13:09Speaker 04

  Oh my word.

• 13:10Speaker 03

  Do you know what someone said the other day? If, if Rob and Josh ever got ADHD medication, the podcast would be shit.

• 13:23Speaker 04

  You were at Mr. Cutts' old music event when Lisandro Martinez was dropping bombs.

• 13:30Speaker 03

  Yes. Well, no, I missed the Leeds game.

• 13:33Speaker 04

  Oh, you missed the Leeds game? Oh, well, the Leeds game doesn't matter. The Leeds game, who cares? The Leeds game, which Michael, Michael Carrick described as, I think, was it a turning point, Michael?

• 13:44Speaker 03

  What, the Leeds game was a turning point? Is that what he said?

• 13:46Speaker 04

  Really lame. Let me find it because I just thought, oh, come on.

• 13:50Speaker 03

  He's clutching at straws, so Carrick, he don't want to be there. Do you know what he feels like? Do you know what Carrick feels like at Manchester United?

• 13:56Speaker 04

  It's not a turning point. It's a fresh start. The 1-1 draw away to Leeds was a fresh start.

• 14:00Speaker 03

  Right. Can I, my opinion on this is, Michael Carrick is like the sort of all right, but nothing special kid at school, right? Just floating along, everyone quite likes him, but he's not like the cool kid, he's not a nerd.

• 14:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:13Speaker 03

  All of a sudden, the fittest girl in the year says, do you want to be my boyfriend?

• 14:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:20Speaker 03

  Obviously he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course I would, yeah. And then she just keeps sucking everyone off at every party. And he won't dump her. And then she comes back and goes, oh no, Michael, Michael is my boyfriend. He's like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they just keep, it's a fresh start actually because it's half term and there's no party, so it's a fresh start.

• 14:44Speaker 03

  I'd, I'd just go with it. It's not worth it. So they one draw and lost, drawn, drawn, drawn. Fresh start.

• 14:50Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 14:51Speaker 03

  Three draws in a row, fresh start.

• 14:53Speaker 04

  Well, no, because they also lost Atletico Madrid in the week.

• 14:56Speaker 03

  Yep, again, yep, yep. That's the problem, isn't it? Your defence is like, I cannot believe, Diego Dallo feels like a player when you had like Jonathan Spector at right back, you know, the little American geezer. I can't believe Dallo's still there.

• 15:09Speaker 04

  He's played 250 games.

• 15:11Speaker 03

  250 games? That's more than Roy Keane, isn't it? I don't think Carrick's the problem at Man United at all. I think he's done a brilliant job, but now he's getting his legs cut out from beneath him because

• 15:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:22Speaker 03

  I don't know what's going on with the recruitment.

• 15:23Speaker 04

  He's done a brilliant job.

• 15:25Speaker 03

  No, I do. I think, look, he took over after, when it was all going wrong.

• 15:28Speaker 04

  Solid job.

• 15:29Speaker 03

  He done a really good job last year, but then, that's why they're moaning. They're not having a go at Carrick because how can you change, how is Harry Maguire still the first choice centre back? And then Martinez is.

• 15:40Speaker 04

  He's five foot seven. Martinez is five foot seven. That's mental.

• 15:46Speaker 03

  I'm five foot eight. I can't, I don't think I could beat anyone for a header.

• 15:50Speaker 04

  If you were up front for Leeds and they whipped the ball into the box, you would have a good chance of outjumping Martinez.

• 15:56Speaker 03

  Do you know what? I've thought of it strictly, do you know who I've had at centre back? Johannes. Imagine the leap on him and the header.

• 16:03Speaker 04

  Well, Lucas Radebe was great, so Johannes Radebe might be.

• 16:06Speaker 03

  Yes. I love Lucas Radebe. Leeds, I loved him.

• 16:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:11Speaker 03

  I don't know why I loved him so much though.

• 16:12Speaker 04

  Because it was quite early in the foreign footballer era, so he still felt quite exotic, I think.

• 16:18Speaker 03

  I think as well, he was very like strong, solid and dependable, like a really lovely uncle. Where I think a lot of the foreign players were a bit like, they were normally strikers or wingers when they first come in.

• 16:29Speaker 05

  That's a good question though. Foreign players from rival teams that you love, like that maybe you shouldn't, you know, Tony Ubo.

• 16:36Speaker 03

  Georgie King-Cladsey. Yeah, King-Cladsey, loved him.

• 16:41Speaker 04

  Loved him. And I don't quite understand what happened. Did he just fluke a few goals? Why did he not become?

• 16:47Speaker 03

  Now, this is where you'll get a Man City fan coming in going mental at you now. He did not fluke a couple of goals actually. He scored, I, you're like, all right, mate, I know, I just tried to say, I don't remember.

• 16:58Speaker 04

  I mean is, why did he not go on to be a superstar? Do you know what I mean? A bit like Tony Ubo. Was it just a really hot patch or?

• 17:08Speaker 03

  Well, he played for Georgia, so he's not going to get any Euros or World Cup attention like Koleforski did.

• 17:13Speaker 04

  I don't think I'm sticking my neck out here. The Man City at the time weren't one of the biggest clubs in the world. He never then went on to play for a huge.

• 17:21Speaker 03

  But he went to Derby, he only played for.

• 17:23Speaker 05

  For Ajax. He moved to Ajax after Man City.

• 17:25Speaker 04

  Did he?

• 17:26Speaker 03

  12, only played 12 times.

• 17:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, he played 12 times, Michael. He only played 12 times when he moved to Ajax.

• 17:31Speaker 03

  I'm, I'm all over the stats here. Yeah, come on, what do you want? Palau One chop? What do you want to know about him?

• 17:35Speaker 04

  That's, that's 238 less times than Diego Dallo has played for Manchester United.

• 17:40Speaker 03

  But that was the era of when you was allowed to have a player that could just express themselves and it wasn't all this stupid zonal bollocks.

• 17:46Speaker 04

  Oh, here we go. Here we go.

• 17:48Speaker 03

  I tell you what, if you Google Georgie King-Cladsey, he's in a Derby shirt, he looks like he's four years older on his dad's top. It's absolutely insane he was a professional footballer.

• 17:57Speaker 04

  Oh, both the days.

• 17:58Speaker 05

  Marion Pahars.

• 18:00Speaker 03

  Pahars, that's how, he was lethal for a season.

• 18:10Speaker 01

  The action's on the court and as the official beer sponsor of the NBA, Michelob Ultra is getting fans closer to the game with a chance to win courtside seats, merch and more. Visit michelobultra.com/courtside to enter. Michelob Ultra Courtside, 26 to 27. No purchase necessary. Open to US residents 21+ begins on October 1st, 2026 and ends on June 30th, 2027. Multiple entry periods. See official rules at michelobultra.com/courtside for free entry, entry deadlines, prizes and details.

• 18:38Speaker 02

  Are your ad campaigns lighting up the dashboard? But not the pipeline. That's bull spend and marketers are calling it out in dashboard confessions.

• 18:47Speaker 01

  My boss asked for results, so I opened my dashboard for the only positive sounding metric I had. Impressions.

• 18:55Speaker 02

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• 19:09Speaker 06

  This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. You can go deep, keep it on the ground, or draw up something nobody sees coming. And whether you want to run a flea flicker or the tush push, you need a plan to fit your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you so they can help personalize coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

• 19:41Speaker 03

  Right, well, so Man United.

• 19:43Speaker 04

  Let's talk about this Martinez thing, Rob.

• 19:44Speaker 03

  Let's talk about Jason Wilcox. I enjoyed the cameraman panning from, or woman, panning from Lisandro Martinez to Jason Wilcox. And I'd say Jason Wilcox looks like a very different person now.

• 19:56Speaker 04

  Oh, Jason Wilcox having a ten. I think what must be horrible is going to a match and knowing the camera is on you at all times. You know what I mean? It's so.

• 20:06Speaker 03

  271 games for Blackberry Roses, so I'm just doing all my stats.

• 20:10Speaker 04

  It's embarrassing for Jason Wilcox, isn't it? Because there's the other guy, the one who's more, more important, Omar Barella or whatever he's called.

• 20:18Speaker 03

  No idea. Hello, where's this come from?

• 20:20Speaker 04

  Well, he's the one above him.

• 20:21Speaker 03

  Omar Barella?

• 20:23Speaker 04

  Omar Barella.

• 20:25Speaker 03

  Who's Omar Barella?

• 20:26Speaker 04

  So he's the chief exec or whatever he is.

• 20:28Speaker 03

  How do you know about this?

• 20:29Speaker 04

  Because I'm interested in football.

• 20:31Speaker 03

  David Gill, is that one?

• 20:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was, yeah.

• 20:34Speaker 03

  I was thinking of names in my head from the past.

• 20:36Speaker 04

  Peter Kenyon, yeah, all these lot, right?

• 20:39Speaker 03

  Ken Bates.

• 20:41Speaker 04

  Ken Bates.

• 20:41Speaker 03

  David Dean?

• 20:43Speaker 04

  David Dean, obviously. Brought in Arsenal, learning on change football. So Omar was the equivalent at Man City, got brought across and he's the guy that brought Jason Wilcox in, right?

• 20:57Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 20:58Speaker 04

  And then Jason Wilcox came in, not as high up as he should be, under Dan Ashworth, who was the guy who'd transformed someone else. Newcastle, was it? Can't have been Newcastle because they haven't been transformed.

• 21:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, it was Newcastle.

• 21:14Speaker 04

  It was Newcastle. That's not a good thing on your CV. And then he got sacked after about three months because he didn't want Ruben Amorim. And then Jason Wilcox got moved up. But I don't get why Jason Wilcox is getting the flack and the guy above him. Is it purely because he's Jason Wilcox?

• 21:32Speaker 03

  It's funny that he's Jason Wilcox.

• 21:33Speaker 04

  It is funny that it's Jason Wilcox.

• 21:35Speaker 03

  Because he's just a really, really like shuffly winger. In my head, like he's running to meetings like he's on the touchline. It's hard in that job though, because Martinez can just have a really good game of football to go, look, yeah, I'm needed at this club, but I'm proving my worth. There's nothing Wilcox can do really to show that he's doing it good. It's not like he can like do a highlights package.

• 21:59Speaker 04

  You haven't bought enough players, but surely he'd have bought more if he could afford more.

• 22:03Speaker 03

  Who did you buy in the summer, Michael?

• 22:05Speaker 04

  Three midfielders and a reserve goalie.

• 22:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, Tielamans, Santos, Bileba and a goalkeeper whose name I can't remember.

• 22:13Speaker 04

  Do you not think it's mental, right, to say publicly, you know, we haven't bought enough, for all this stuff to go out, the squad is going, we're not, we've not bought enough good players here. You're like, you're the players. You're the players that are saying your shit. Imagine if you came out and said, just to be clear, I thought the cast of Celebrity Traitors was weak.

• 22:43Speaker 03

  Well, no, let's be honest, that's different. In a comedy panel show, let's be honest, how often behind the scenes have we said to each other, we've got that person on today, this is going to be fucking hard work. That must be the same going, fucking, we've got so and so at centre back today, this is going to be a difficult day, lads.

• 22:59Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 23:00Speaker 03

  We're gonna have to focus because he's shit. He knows he's shit. We know he's shit.

• 23:04Speaker 04

  Yeah. If you did Cats, Cats Down Countdown and it was a bad record and you went afterwards to the Manchester Evening News and said, the thing is, we've got to replace Joe Wilkinson. He's an absolute liability.

• 23:21Speaker 03

  No, that, well, yeah, take not, obviously not Joe, but yeah.

• 23:24Speaker 04

  The reason I'm chosen Joe is because he's great. So it's obvious I'm not.

• 23:27Speaker 03

  Say Jason Wilcox is, Jason Wilcox is the producer of the show and Lisandro Martinez is a contestant.

• 23:33Speaker 04

  You go, the producer keeps putting shit comedians on with me.

• 23:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, I've got, I can't express myself. I can't have a one, two. There's no, there's no, there's no chemistry there because the producer keeps booking the shit comedian. We didn't invest properly in Dictionary Corner over the summer.

• 23:50Speaker 04

  It would be insane to do that.

• 23:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:53Speaker 04

  You'd come into work the next day and you go, right, guys?

• 23:59Speaker 03

  I'm upright from home today, actually. There's a bit of a toxic culture at the office.

• 24:05Speaker 04

  Then it comes out that everyone else agrees with him. That was the general story.

• 24:09Speaker 03

  If you've been promised something, now and not got it, you know what I mean? But I think he's gone, look, I'll be the mouthpiece because my contract's up, I'll fuck off to Atletico Madrid with Romero and then you can deal with it. Stick Dallow in at centre back.

• 24:22Speaker 04

  I loved also, it's like, I can't, I can't say any more. And then he said more.

• 24:28Speaker 03

  Yeah. And he still played. That's the worst bit. They can't afford to lose it. Who else they got on the bench? Fabio Raphael, they still there. They were good.

• 24:36Speaker 04

  I absolutely love it. It's, when I saw that happen.

• 24:41Speaker 03

  I feel like one one draw with Leeds are not bad result. It's like.

• 24:44Speaker 04

  No, it's great. It drags it on, Rob. It drags it on.

• 24:47Speaker 03

  It's not great from like, the big ones tonight, really Tottenham, Coventry, because if Tottenham win, it's terrible for sort of banter club morale. You know, I mean, we need a stronger, for a good Premier League season, you need a good title race and a really good banter club and Tottenham are delivering.

• 25:04Speaker 04

  This is the worst title race in the history of the title race because it's, because it's now coming down to one thing and one thing only.

• 25:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, the Chargers.

• 25:13Speaker 04

  Can Run City keep appealing far enough that it rolls under next season? So they win the league this season.

• 25:21Speaker 03

  I am finding, I am finding this banana thing a bit embarrassing now because the fans did it.

• 25:26Speaker 04

  Bananas.

• 25:27Speaker 03

  Well, the fans did it and I quite liked it because I'm like, yeah, look, they're going, look, we were here before the club. We are the fan base. Then the club bought loads of bananas and put them on the seats for the home game. So it's like they're, they're jumping on the bandwagon of the pre-existing history.

• 25:42Speaker 04

  The club is sponsored by bananas. They're getting 200 million from bananas directly.

• 25:50Speaker 03

  Now, name a banana brand. Who's in charge of bananas? There must be, there's so many people eat bananas, but I don't know the brand of bananas, do you?

• 25:57Speaker 04

  I was desperately trying to think of a company and I had to say bananas.

• 26:01Speaker 03

  Is that orange?

• 26:02Speaker 04

  No, that's, that's oranges, isn't it?

• 26:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, because that's a seed of oranges.

• 26:06Speaker 04

  Enough, is it? There you go.

• 26:08Speaker 03

  What are you gonna do? Go on, we can't write your name on a bit of banana skin.

• 26:12Speaker 04

  Well, no, but what I mean is, you don't get, you don't get, you just get on brand, Sainsbury's, Waitrose, Tesco's, home brand. There's no one that's going, let's make raspberries our own. Let's become the raspberry people.

• 26:27Speaker 03

  Let's become the raspberry guy. Banana brand. I'll just type banana brands in.

• 26:31Speaker 05

  Del Monte is the obvious one.

• 26:33Speaker 04

  Oh, Del Monte, yes.

• 26:35Speaker 03

  Five, that's it, Fives. I remember I once did bananas. Fives, F Y F F E S, Fives. That sounds like a player Chelsea buy and then loan out immediately. Oh, they've got Fives from Willamtois. Oh, yeah. And then Phil Foden had the banana. I feel a bit like, I get you being defiant. We had a banana in the interview and I'm like, you, you are, you have been proven guilty. I know, I know you're appealing, but you are guilty of, you are guilty.

• 27:05Speaker 04

  Is that appealing, pardon?

• 27:07Speaker 03

  No. Oh, banana appealing. Oh, God.

• 27:10Speaker 04

  They should be doing more of that, shouldn't they?

• 27:12Speaker 03

  They're a hundred. If you're a commentator, you're not doing appealing.

• 27:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, they are appealing. Am I right?

• 27:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're currently appealing, but the bananas remain peeled on or something like that's bad, but you know, I'm sure Fletch could have. I saw Fletch at the boxing again.

• 27:27Speaker 04

  God, you and Fletch, why didn't you just fucking marry each other? What's going on?

• 27:31Speaker 03

  Well, this is, this is talk of sort of football. I'll get on, sorry. Went to the boxing, right? So get there and the boxing was great, but I don't want to sound like this.

• 27:40Speaker 04

  Only two rounds.

• 27:41Speaker 03

  Like, no, no, but the best part was, there is no way of me saying this about looking, I don't know, I get to the boxing, Noel Gallagher's there, he gives me a nod and a wink.

• 27:52Speaker 04

  Here we go.

• 27:53Speaker 03

  And I'm just like, this, how is this my life?

• 27:57Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. And then next thing you know, you're talking to Fletch.

• 27:59Speaker 03

  Why am I on nodding terms of Noel Gallagher?

• 28:01Speaker 04

  Next thing you know, you're talking to Fletch. You're like, this can't get any better.

• 28:04Speaker 03

  Well, Fletch is it. And Miles Kane. Fletch is a good laugh and Miles Kane's lovely.

• 28:08Speaker 04

  I know, I'm just wondering, you're constantly bumping into Fletch.

• 28:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's funny. He loves as well the fact that he loves that joke you said about how do you know it was Fletch? Because you don't know what he looks like. Did he have the big coat on? And then he loved that. He loves that. Every time I meet him, he tells me that. Twice now.

• 28:24Speaker 04

  Which is about three or four times a week, from what I can tell.

• 28:28Speaker 03

  I basically retired footballer, Josh. I've told you this. That's my, my dream. Anyway, so Noel Gallagher's there, Miles Kane's there, Matt Smith's down. I know Matt Smith quite well now, Paddy Constantine. All these people, we're on, we're ringside, all these people, not quite fun people to hang out with. Guess who I get sat next to?

• 28:45Speaker 04

  Fletch.

• 28:46Speaker 03

  Simon Jordan.

• 28:47Speaker 04

  Oh, no.

• 28:51Speaker 04

  Did Simon Jordan acknowledge you? Do you know who?

• 28:54Speaker 03

  He didn't want to.

• 28:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:56Speaker 03

  But I, I, well, I, I've, I saw this thing online. It's something that I've always naturally done, but apparently it's the right thing to do. If you sit down at an event somewhere and you don't, or like if it's a work event or somewhere where you might, you should sort of know them or it's more of an open, chatty place. So like people do it when they're at like catwalk mod, mod, you know, in the front row of that.

• 29:15Speaker 04

  Yeah. So, so this is the equivalent of Anna Wintour being sat next to.

• 29:19Speaker 03

  Yeah. And it's like, look, we're all operating the same sort of world slightly. So I just go, hi, I'm Rob. To whoever I'm next to and that. He said hello, didn't say his name. I was like, okay, fine.

• 29:31Speaker 04

  God.

• 29:32Speaker 03

  Anyway, but it was, do you know what?

• 29:33Speaker 04

  That is mental.

• 29:34Speaker 03

  I was like, I have, I, you know, you're like.

• 29:36Speaker 04

  He didn't say his name. Hi, I'm Rob.

• 29:39Speaker 03

  He just went, hi. Anyway.

• 29:41Speaker 04

  What? Are you, what? Are you fucking nuts? What is going on?

• 29:48Speaker 04

  Hi, I'm Rob. Good, good. Glad to know.

• 29:50Speaker 03

  I know.

• 29:51Speaker 04

  Yeah. I'll add that to my rolodex of names. Is he going, I don't need to name myself. He knows I'm Simon Jordan. Or is he going, I'm not interested in?

• 29:59Speaker 03

  Actually, I just, I thought he was, when I first got those, oh, it's Simon Jordan. And on the radio, he's so.

• 30:07Speaker 04

  Were you with someone or were you literally on your?

• 30:08Speaker 03

  I was with my, I was with my mate, Danny.

• 30:10Speaker 04

  And was Simon Jordan with anyone?

• 30:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was with his friend, I think.

• 30:14Speaker 04

  Jim White?

• 30:15Speaker 03

  No, Jim White wasn't there. No. Um, it was, there was, Cundy sat next to him in an Ange mask. No. So, but to be fair, so I was a bit like, oh, I find him a little bit abrasive on the radio. But I quite like him as a broadcaster.

• 30:29Speaker 04

  Right, yeah.

• 30:29Speaker 03

  And then I was like, I'll just say hello. He didn't really engage with me. But then.

• 30:34Speaker 04

  No shit.

• 30:35Speaker 03

  Then we started chatting. He's like, you into your boxing? I was like, I'm into my boxing. We were chatting about boxing. Cause he really likes his boxing and I know my stuff. So we were chatting about boxing. And then he was talking about Daniel. I've met Daniel. We were talking about Daniel Dubois. And I said, he's a bit like Lenny from Myson Men.

• 30:49Speaker 04

  Oh, here we go.

• 30:50Speaker 03

  And then he really lit up there. Cause basically Simon Jordan's sort of like the, in the footballing world, the sort of like intellectual, like in his very erudite and his vocabry's, you know? Well, he, he is compared to some of the other people that are contributors on the show.

• 31:07Speaker 04

  Right, yeah.

• 31:08Speaker 03

  Do you know what I mean? Like, so he quite liked that reference. And then we were chatting, but he was, he's just very.

• 31:12Speaker 04

  When you said that reference, did he turn to you and go, okay, the time has come, I'm Simon.

• 31:16Speaker 03

  He sort of said, yeah. And it was like, that was, I'd, I'd open the door.

• 31:20Speaker 04

  I will now allow you to have my name. My name is Simon Jordan and we are now friends.

• 31:25Speaker 03

  And we sat in the drawing room and discussed pugilism.

• 31:30Speaker 04

  Did you describe it as the sweet science?

• 31:33Speaker 03

  Look, we, he said get behind the jab 29 times during the two round fight. No, but actually in defence of Simon Jordan, I judged him from I met him. Once I chatted to him, he's quite a nice bloke. He's just incredibly intense. And I thought the intensity was a bit of a act for the radio.

• 31:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:50Speaker 03

  But he's, and he's just very intense, very passionate and very like opinionated. And that's just naturally who he is. And he was actually quite, it was quite, it was weird. He was actually more endearing. No, he's, he was a lot more endearing because I'd sat down and thought, oh, not him. That's how I started. I started the whole interaction going, fuck's sake, not him.

• 32:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:13Speaker 03

  Oh, and also I felt like I'm so close to having a good time here. There's like Miles Kane, Noel Gallagher, you know, my mate Fletch. Everyone got like. I've got Jordan.

• 32:23Speaker 04

  Where were Kane, Gallagher and Fletch? Can you say them?

• 32:26Speaker 03

  Kane and Fletch were sort of literally the other side of Simon Jordan. And then Noel Gallagher was in the, the row in front. And then behind me was Serge from Consabian as well, was further down on my row.

• 32:37Speaker 04

  I say they've put, put people in the right rows there. I'd say.

• 32:41Speaker 03

  I, I started with a sort of negative approach, even though I was quite like friendly with Simon. But I, do you know what? I think he might be slightly misunderstood. He's, he's an all right bloke. He's quite a nice bloke. He's, I found him quite endearing as opposed to abrasive. And he was, he's sort of, um.

• 32:56Speaker 04

  I mean, you were only there for two rounds. Maybe if he'd made 12.

• 32:59Speaker 03

  No, no, we were there for, we, there was a fight before, we was watching that. But yeah, actually I'd say, um, don't judge a book by its cover. Simon Jordan was actually quite good company.

• 33:12Speaker 03

  But yeah, I'd say considering I went, it was such a, so disappointed with where I was sat. Like not in closeness, but I was like, oh God, is Jordan gonna be mad? And then it was actually okay.

• 33:21Speaker 04

  Are you gonna start a book club podcast with Simon Jordan?

• 33:24Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, just to talk about all the, you know, illnesses, dusk, crime and punishment.

• 33:30Speaker 04

  And it'll start with you going, hello, welcome to book club with, I'm Rob. And he'll go, hello. And he won't give his name.

• 33:37Speaker 03

  No, no, never give his name.

• 33:42Speaker 03

  Anyways, that was my, that's where I was Saturday night.

• 33:45Speaker 04

  Shall we do some emails, Rob? Cause we never do get around to the emails.

• 33:48Speaker 03

  Oh gosh, I sent you the video of Lloyd Griffith on football. We've got to discuss this.

• 33:52Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:52Speaker 03

  So Lloyd Griffith, comedian friend, sometimes lover. He is, it's genuinely the best video. No, he was at Brentford, uh, Liverpool.

• 34:03Speaker 04

  Oh, and he heads the ball back. It's incredible.

• 34:07Speaker 03

  If you go to Lloyd Griffith's Instagram, Lloyd G R I F F I T H, he's basically sat in a row with his girlfriend and her two friends, sort of very.

• 34:17Speaker 04

  They love it.

• 34:17Speaker 03

  Very pretty, young women. And the ball flies over, Lloyd sees the boy ball coming, puts his, got sunglasses in his pocket, sorts his jacket out and then does a massive header and then does the ball straight back onto the pitch. And then the three ladies that I was with all start giggling and laughing. Honestly, it's one of the best. I would be, I would fucking love to have that video.

• 34:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:41Speaker 03

  And do you know what? That man, he's put, he's, he's had an air transplant. It's not held him back. He's putting his, he's putting his hairline on the line. Um, it's great.

• 34:50Speaker 04

  I've sent you the world's slowest penalty, Rob.

• 34:52Speaker 03

  Oh, yes, please. Go on.

• 34:54Speaker 04

  Yeah. If you watch it, I'll comment down.

• 34:55Speaker 03

  It's had 6.3 million views, that video.

• 34:57Speaker 04

  I know. It's wild, isn't it?

• 34:59Speaker 03

  So good. Um, right. Oh, he's sneaky. He is sneaky. He looks like he's doing, he looks like he's doing a kid's stocking at Christmas.

• 35:11Speaker 04

  It's absolutely wild, isn't it?

• 35:12Speaker 03

  That is insane. That can't be allowed. And he missed. Twat.

• 35:18Speaker 04

  That's how long it took. That's how long it took.

• 35:20Speaker 03

  Massive stadium, not one fucker there.

• 35:23Speaker 04

  No.

• 35:24Speaker 03

  In the Caribbean, in the Caribbean Cup.

• 35:26Speaker 04

  I don't think this stuttering penalty run up should be allowed. That's what I'm gonna say now.

• 35:31Speaker 03

  Well, I think you should allow people the time and space to express themselves. And if they do have a stutter, that should, you should have patience. Okay? Just because it's not a verbal one, it's a physical one. I think you've done enough time on the last leg to understand with a stutter, people need time and space and patience. Okay? If that's how they want to express themselves, that's how they express. As someone that had speech therapy as a kid, yeah. I think you need to, I think you need to have a look in the mirror.

• 35:53Speaker 04

  Some people need to have penalty therapy. I think.

• 35:56Speaker 03

  Maybe they need to have penalty therapy.

• 35:59Speaker 04

  Rob, you haven't asked me about my football shirt.

• 36:02Speaker 03

  Oh, yes. What is your football shirt?

• 36:04Speaker 04

  It's Quan Bran Celtic FC.

• 36:07Speaker 03

  What's Quan Bran Celtic?

• 36:10Speaker 04

  Um, so Quan Bran Celtic FC, a Welsh team. They're the second biggest team in Quan Bran.

• 36:18Speaker 03

  Of course they are. A quick question. What the fuck and where the fuck is Quan Bran?

• 36:23Speaker 04

  It's in Wales.

• 36:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, but where in Quan Bran?

• 36:26Speaker 04

  It must be in the centre of Wales, is it?

• 36:29Speaker 03

  Quan Bran sounds like an old English word for a vagina.

• 36:33Speaker 04

  Do you want me to spell it for you, Rob? It'll blow your mind. C W M B R A N.

• 36:39Speaker 03

  Quan Bran. There we go. I've, I've found it. Quan Bran.

• 36:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:46Speaker 03

  Only in Newport.

• 36:47Speaker 04

  Yeah. So.

• 36:48Speaker 03

  Is your camera keep bouncing, Mike? Josh, your camera keeps bouncing.

• 36:53Speaker 04

  That's because I was typing, I think.

• 36:56Speaker 03

  I feel like I'm nodding at you, but through your camera. All right. So, oh, near Newport. There you go.

• 37:01Speaker 04

  Yeah. Um, and it's sponsored by the band Mogwai because they did, they did a link up with a series of bands. The Superfairy Animals have done one as well.

• 37:11Speaker 03

  No, I like it.

• 37:12Speaker 04

  It's cool, isn't it?

• 37:13Speaker 03

  Really cool.

• 37:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:15Speaker 03

  Big fan of that.

• 37:16Speaker 04

  Yeah. So there you go. I, I actually bought it off their website, the Quan Bran Celtic. I, I saw it.

• 37:23Speaker 03

  Oh, right. Well, you weren't gonna go to the club shop, were you?

• 37:26Speaker 04

  No, no, of course. No. But I, what I mean is I didn't buy it on a whim. I was like, I've got to get.

• 37:29Speaker 03

  So have you registered now? Are you gonna get newsletters from Quan Bran Celtic?

• 37:32Speaker 04

  I probably am. I, I should start.

• 37:34Speaker 03

  Oh, the Mogwai shirt. Seal four. Is there four different shirts?

• 37:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, because it became.

• 37:40Speaker 03

  Pink shack. Oh, the Superfairy Animal one's good. Oh, Panic Shack and Loose Articles.

• 37:47Speaker 04

  Uh, Grian, the lead singer of Fontaine's DC, wore this shirt when they headlined Reading. And I thought, I'm gonna get one of them because I'm, I'm still a pathetic teenager. So that's the shirt I'm wearing this week.

• 38:04Speaker 01

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• 38:32Speaker 02

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• 38:42Speaker 01

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• 39:03Speaker 06

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• 39:35Speaker 03

  Should I get a super furry animal? What's one with Gaz on the back and 10? It was Gaz, innit?

• 39:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, go on.

• 39:40Speaker 03

  That's fun, innit? Gaz and the number 10. Do you reckon he'd be number 10?

• 39:45Speaker 04

  Do you mean Griff?

• 39:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, isn't it Gaz from the super furry animal?

• 39:48Speaker 04

  No, that's Supergrass.

• 39:50Speaker 03

  Oh, I nearly had an absolute stinker there, didn't I? Oh, could you imagine all the guys down at Cumbwan? I'd turn up with me fucking Gaz top.

• 40:03Speaker 04

  I think you should do it.

• 40:04Speaker 03

  I can't have Gruff on the back, can I? Or Bunford, it is a band. So you've got Gruff Rees. I mean, that's a fucking ju- That's like an AI made up Welsh name. That is the Welshies, Gruff Rees.

• 40:16Speaker 04

  Do you know who bigger person to phone now?

• 40:18Speaker 03

  Is it Gruff or Griff?

• 40:19Speaker 04

  Did you see, Rob?

• 40:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:21Speaker 04

  That, who the fourth, they did a league table of the teams that had been financially affected by Manchester City.

• 40:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:30Speaker 04

  And the fourth biggest hit was Swansea City.

• 40:34Speaker 03

  Why?

• 40:36Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 40:37Speaker 03

  Did they get relegated in the season? They spent a lot then or something?

• 40:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't know. But also Swansea are in the championship hunt. And shall we just, shall we end with a quick call to Ellis James to ask him his views on Manchester City?

• 40:49Speaker 03

  Yes, and ask him who, what name should I get on the back of that shirt?

• 40:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:54Speaker 03

  Reese is the lead singer. I should get a Reese 10, shouldn't I? Or Bunford? Shall I go for Bunford?

• 41:00Speaker 04

  Who's Bunford?

• 41:02Speaker 03

  Reece Difans, was he in it?

• 41:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, he was for a bit. Yeah, really early on. He might be doing the school run. We've started early, haven't we?

• 41:10Speaker 03

  No, it's half term.

• 41:11Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 41:13Speaker 03

  Can't believe I nearly got Gaz on my shirt.

• 41:15Speaker 04

  I wish you had.

• 41:16Speaker 03

  Fucking idiot.

• 41:18Speaker 04

  He's not answering. No one answers this, like.

• 41:20Speaker 01

  Hi, this is Ellis's phone. Please leave him.

• 41:22Speaker 04

  Oh, for God's sake. Shall we do, shall we do one email to end, Rob?

• 41:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, let's do an email.

• 41:28Speaker 04

  Right. "Hi lads, with all the sport talk of Spurs Stadium being too nice and how they've been actively trying to make away changing rooms worse, I thought you'd enjoy this fact about St Mary's. I used to play for Southampton and one pre- Whoa! And one preseason, as part of the classic headshot etc photo shoot, we had to use the away changing room at St Mary's. I played in the women's team and the men had the home dressing room." Oh, that's a shame, isn't it? "I went to the toilet and noticed a mirror attached to the foot of the door as it closed, angled right up towards me. So I was basically watching myself wee from a non-flattering angle. Naturally, I asked why everyone on earth would want mirrors inside the toilets

• 42:10Speaker 04

  in such a place and what the answers were, it was supposed to make a guy's dick look smaller and therefore make him less confident and less ready for the match."

• 42:20Speaker 03

  I mean, considering the level of confidence I've got compared to the size of my cock, I do not think that impacts you because I should not be doing the job I'm doing with the length I've got, if that's the case.

• 42:30Speaker 04

  "Not sure it worked. Southampton got relegated that year, but I liked the idea regardless and thought you'd find it funny to. Maybe one for Spurs to try. Keep up the top-notch football analysis from Beth."

• 42:40Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 42:42Speaker 03

  That seems mad.

• 42:43Speaker 04

  Pep Guardiola going to watch Man City v PSG is mental.

• 42:47Speaker 03

  Nah, it's too soon. Have a day off, mate.

• 42:50Speaker 04

  Fucking, imagine that!

• 42:52Speaker 03

  What, imagine, you go, right, here we go. You leave last leg, right?

• 42:56Speaker 04

  Well, no, let's put it this way. I look, I look round the corner, front row of Strictly, Claudia and Tess.

• 43:06Speaker 03

  Just fancy the night out on a Saturday. Don't like staying in.

• 43:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, love the show. Let's see how you do. Like, the pressure, it's mental.

• 43:14Speaker 03

  Maresca's smashing it though, isn't he? Don't know how he's doing it. We know. Well, because it's like, that, I'll go on about that Man City stuff, but like Arsenal now are like a championship winning team that I remember from 20 years ago that won the league, they'd win most games, but then when they go to Nottingham Forest away, it's a really hard fought game. And then if you're a championship team, you nick a winner because you've got a big, you know, a good team, good squad and belief. Whereas I sort of forgot that's what a championship winning team is like and Liverpool are like that because for years Man City dominated with a team that basically just beat everyone 3-0.

• 43:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:49Speaker 03

  Because they've just got so many good players.

• 43:52Speaker 04

  Do you know what? I initially found it fun.

• 43:54Speaker 03

  Now I just want it resolved so we can move on.

• 43:56Speaker 04

  Now the Premier League is kind of pointless until it's resolved.

• 44:00Speaker 03

  Until they go, here's, here's what's going on because it's just like, well, it's no point looking at the table. So what am I looking at?

• 44:05Speaker 04

  When you see the Man City result, you're like, this doesn't matter. This simply doesn't matter.

• 44:12Speaker 03

  So Arsenal were two points ahead of Brighton. Arsenal Brighton champ, title running?

• 44:17Speaker 04

  That guy who left Brighton for Man U must be fucking kicking himself.

• 44:25Speaker 03

  Can you imagine? What a fucking pointless.

• 44:29Speaker 06

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• 44:58Speaker 07

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• 45:56Speaker 04

  Can you imagine being a good player and being a man you and just going, "I've got to get out of this shit. I've got to get out."

• 46:05Speaker 03

  Well, it's just a mess.

• 46:05Speaker 04

  Bruno Fernandes, what a fucking waste of time. What's Bruno Fernandes won in his career? He's played for a Portugal team that have got Ronaldo ruling it.

• 46:15Speaker 03

  Did he win the Euros?

• 46:16Speaker 04

  I don't know if he did, did he? Maybe.

• 46:19Speaker 03

  He's won the Europa League.

• 46:21Speaker 04

  He's won the Europa League.

• 46:22Speaker 03

  And FA Cup.

• 46:23Speaker 04

  And the FA Cup. What a fucking waste of time.

• 46:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, he's won the FA Cup and Carabao Cup. I don't think he's won the Europa League.

• 46:30Speaker 04

  What a waste of fucking time.

• 46:33Speaker 03

  He won the Portuguese league twice with Sporting Lisbon.

• 46:35Speaker 04

  What a poor guy.

• 46:37Speaker 03

  There you go. Poor bloke. Oh, he's not, he's not.

• 46:39Speaker 04

  Poor bloke.

• 46:39Speaker 03

  I find him annoying. What's he actually done apart from just his face?

• 46:42Speaker 04

  I know, he's just.

• 46:44Speaker 03

  Is he quite, he's just got a miserable face.

• 46:46Speaker 04

  He was a runner-up in the Europa League twice. He's won one FA Cup, one AFL and one Nations League.

• 46:52Speaker 03

  It's too late though. He's missed his chance for a big move, I think.

• 46:54Speaker 04

  Who do you want as the next manager, Michael?

• 46:57Speaker 05

  Antonio Conte.

• 46:58Speaker 03

  Conte would be great. Or Tuchel?

• 47:01Speaker 04

  He was at Spurs. He was at Spurs.

• 47:04Speaker 05

  He's, he's the only manager to win the Serie A with three different clubs. Like, he's a winner.

• 47:09Speaker 03

  No, well, what are you going to do? Fucking put Man United in Serie A?

• 47:15Speaker 03

  Do you know what I mean?

• 47:16Speaker 05

  But I'm talking about, look, you can't undermine a Man City being credentials.

• 47:19Speaker 03

  Because he went to Tottenham. It does, no, it does tarnish you.

• 47:22Speaker 05

  But Spurs has ruined every single manager in the same way that Manchester United is doing.

• 47:27Speaker 04

  I'm going to run you through the odds, Michael. I'm going to run you through the odds. The favorite at nine to four. I mean, it's awful, isn't it? Michael Carrick's still got a job and they're taking bets on who's going to take the job.

• 47:41Speaker 03

  Josh, I don't want to break it to you, but don't type in Strictly odds.

• 47:48Speaker 03

  And there's definitely a market.

• 47:50Speaker 04

  Oh, there will be. Eddie Howe, nine to four.

• 47:54Speaker 03

  No, I don't think you'd gel with Emma, Eddie Howe.

• 48:01Speaker 03

  Eddie Howe would be a good manager, I think, but I don't know if it's too big. I don't think Eddie Howe would be a great manager.

• 48:05Speaker 04

  Rob, Eddie Howe was not the manager.

• 48:07Speaker 05

  He failed at Newcastle and he had hundreds of millions to spend.

• 48:11Speaker 03

  No, but he didn't have the hundreds of million, did he? It didn't. That's the odd point.

• 48:15Speaker 05

  No, they spent a lot of money that first year and a half with him.

• 48:19Speaker 04

  Rob, here's a sentence. Imagine this sentence that someone's going to say in five years. Do you know who turned around Man U? Eddie Howe. It's just not going to happen. It's just simply not going to happen.

• 48:30Speaker 03

  He spent, overall net spend's not that, oh my God, I can't believe us are saying net spend. Let's end this. We can't allow net spend.

• 48:37Speaker 04

  Let me just run you through the other ones, Michael. Fabian Hersler.

• 48:40Speaker 05

  Yeah, no, thank you.

• 48:41Speaker 04

  Antonio Conte.

• 48:42Speaker 05

  The problem I've got with those, Brighton are such a well-run club that everyone overperforms there. So look, look at Potter. Those people cannot handle a job that isn't Brighton. That club is so well-run, it doesn't matter who's the manager.

• 48:54Speaker 04

  Julian Nagelsmann. I mean, these are just a list of people that would fail.

• 49:00Speaker 03

  Southgate, I think Southgate. I love Southgate.

• 49:03Speaker 04

  Kieran McKenna.

• 49:03Speaker 03

  I think Southgate's a great option.

• 49:05Speaker 04

  Kieran McKenna got Ipswich promoted. Come on. Thomas Tuchel.

• 49:09Speaker 03

  Who the fuck's Kieran McKenna?

• 49:10Speaker 04

  Thomas Tuchel. Gareth Southgate. The next one, I'm presuming it can't be, can it, Rob? It can't be your mate. Darren Fletcher, I presume it's the Man U one.

• 49:21Speaker 03

  It's got to be a different Fletcher, innit?

• 49:23Speaker 04

  I'd love it if it was Fletcher, then suddenly Rob's best friends with the Man U manager. And we've got a Gary Neville situation on our hands.

• 49:29Speaker 03

  I'd love to come as an assistant coach.

• 49:31Speaker 04

  Rob can't slag off Darren Fletcher as Man U manager because he keeps seeing him at the boxing and we're doing this podcast and Rob's got to keep saying.

• 49:39Speaker 03

  It's a difficult job. I think Fletcher's made some major changes that need time to, you know, you know, to settle in. Wilcox, actually a good guy. Met Wilcox at the boxing, sat next to him, between him and Jordan, good lad. I said hello, I'm Rob. He said hello and then we watched the fight.

• 49:57Speaker 04

  Oh, you can get 25 to one on Ole Gunnar Solskjaer.

• 50:00Speaker 03

  Oh, yes, get him back, please. Right, Josh, I'll see you next time.

• 50:05Speaker 04

  See you next time.

• 50:07Speaker 03

  Bye.