S13 EP2: Big Pants Update and a seagull attacks Josh

More adventures in life and parenting... Rob and Josh both get spooked by diffeent things at the window. Josh's full body scan reveals his pant choices, and Rob nearly wrecks the podcast room he records in... so it's business as usual at Parenting Hell Towers!! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [email protected] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Observe: The North American Dad. 50s, great polo collection. He enters his vehicle information on Carvana. An offer appears in minutes. Remarkable. He squints, reads it again, smiles and says, "Dang, that's a good offer." The highest form of approval. No haggling, no hassle. No one called him "boss." He's still on the couch. Astonishing. Sell your car today on Carvana.com. Pickup fees may apply.

• 0:30Speaker 01

  From the studio that brought you WandaVision.

• 0:32Speaker 02

  I was an Avenger, but I'm not a hero anymore.

• 0:38Speaker 01

  The Vision returns for the final chapter of the groundbreaking trilogy. That family wasn't real. You sure about that? I had a father called Vision. How is this possible?

• 0:49Speaker 01

  Don't miss the two-episode premiere of Marvel Television's Vision Quest. Nothing bonds a family together quite like Mortal Jeopardy. Now streaming, only on Disney+.

• 1:02Speaker 03

  Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light. And slowly, the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress. A hoodie slips beneath a blazer. An old cap finds a new scarf. Because you don't simply step into the season. You create it, layer by layer, until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross.

• 1:30Speaker 04

  This episode is presented by Monzo. Josh, I love the summer holiday, aside from being asked for an ice cream every 32 seconds.

• 1:38Speaker 05

  Well, Rob, that is why it's an ideal time to get them a free Monzo Kids account. Help build confidence and independence with their money. You can instantly send money or set up regular pocket money, and parents still have full visibility and control from their own Monzo app.

• 1:52Speaker 04

  Unlike the requests for ice creams from the kids.

• 1:54Speaker 05

  Monzo's award-winning kids account. Search "Monzo" for children aged 6 to 15. Parent or guardian account needed first. UK residents only. Ts and Cs apply.

• 2:06Speaker 04

  Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with...

• 2:11Speaker 06

  Bella, sweetheart. Bella, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Good job. Rob Beckett. Good job. And can you say Josh Widdicombe? Spider. Is this spider? Yeah. How funny. Can you say Josh Widdicombe? Rob Beckett. Josh Widdicombe?

• 2:44Speaker 06

  Bella, can you say Josh Widdicombe? Rob Beckett. Good job. Did you do Windy Pops? Yeah.

• 2:54Speaker 04

  Pretty cute, that one. Even for an old sour slag like me.

• 3:00Speaker 05

  Oh, you're dead behind the eyes, aren't you, Rob? You're dead behind the eyes.

• 3:03Speaker 04

  Do you know what? Yeah.

• 3:05Speaker 05

  Yeah. I'd rob Josh Michael.

• 3:07Speaker 04

  I swing in and out of it. I'm all right. I'm good. I can see my diary clearing up and opening up and I can feel myself relaxing.

• 3:17Speaker 05

  After all these years, you finally opened up your diary?

• 3:20Speaker 04

  I'm three weeks away from just fucking having a cup of tea and wearing hemp.

• 3:24Speaker 05

  Are you?

• 3:26Speaker 04

  Can you wear hemp?

• 3:27Speaker 05

  Not if you want to look good.

• 3:28Speaker 04

  I might do a sage, you know, burn sage in my house.

• 3:32Speaker 05

  Yeah? So talk to me about it. Well, let me talk about this and then I'm going to see about your new hippie persona.

• 3:38Speaker 04

  I'm making this up as a bit.

• 3:39Speaker 05

  Sorry about the fart midway through. I was going to re-record it as I also hate my embarrassing mum voice in this. This is my daughter Bella, just before she turned two. Mentenced at the time, but somehow forgot for about months. Never miss a podcast. I'm a huge fan of you both and love seeing you live. Bella's now two and a half. If it's definitely like living with a tiny stand-up comedian. A big shout out to my sister-in-law Kaz in Tunbridge Wells, who got me hooked on this when Bella was born. Thanks and love. Emily in Epsom.

• 4:07Speaker 04

  Lovely. Thank you very much, Emily in Epsom. It is embarrassing, your child voice, isn't it?

• 4:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:12Speaker 04

  When you're talking to a baby. But it's got to be done. That's how they respond.

• 4:15Speaker 05

  Exactly, Rob.

• 4:16Speaker 04

  People don't just decide to do it. It's because it gets more out of them. Because there's so long where you get nothing back.

• 4:21Speaker 05

  Exactly.

• 4:22Speaker 04

  They just stare at you.

• 4:23Speaker 05

  And it'd be weird just to talk to them like this.

• 4:26Speaker 04

  Go on. Have you had enough milk?

• 4:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:29Speaker 04

  Say dad. Say daddy.

• 4:32Speaker 04

  Say, say Rob Beckett. Well done. Say Joshua Dukem.

• 4:37Speaker 05

  Good.

• 4:38Speaker 04

  Um. How are you, Josh?

• 4:39Speaker 05

  Good. I've got some big pants update on you.

• 4:41Speaker 04

  Oh, hello. Go on, big pants.

• 4:43Speaker 05

  You know about my big pants? If I'll just find the thing. If you fill people in on that.

• 4:47Speaker 04

  You wear baggy sun spells?

• 4:49Speaker 05

  Yeah. So I went for a thing, Rob.

• 4:51Speaker 04

  Hundred percent cotton?

• 4:52Speaker 05

  I'd, I'd hope so. I went to this thing called, um, Neco Health.

• 4:58Speaker 04

  Right.

• 4:58Speaker 05

  Which is, um, it's like a rose book to them. It's a kind of body scan.

• 5:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, to see if you're healthy.

• 5:06Speaker 05

  So it's all very fun and futuristic, right? Um, but I went in and you go in.

• 5:12Speaker 04

  This is in Devon?

• 5:13Speaker 05

  No, it's all fun and futuristic. I was in London.

• 5:18Speaker 04

  He was in London. London that you slag off, but you have to go back for, for certain things you can't get in Devon?

• 5:23Speaker 05

  To stay alive.

• 5:27Speaker 04

  Go down here full of cotton cream.

• 5:29Speaker 05

  It's very futuristic. You go in, right? And it's like, it's made to look futuristic. And then you go into a room and you've got a dressing gown on with just your pants on. And then you go into like a stand up thing, like a, a bit like, it's like all around you and you stand there like you're at an airport, security, that pose.

• 5:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:50Speaker 05

  And they say, pass out your, so you're just in your pants, pass that out, right?

• 5:55Speaker 04

  Pass the gown out, so you're just in your pants.

• 5:57Speaker 05

  The gown out, yeah. And then you, they do all the scans, right? And then you have a chat with a doctor about all the findings, straight away, right? And it brings up a kind of futuristic version of what you looked like. I didn't know. But it really accentuated how big my pants are.

• 6:15Speaker 04

  It, it hasn't accentuated, it's just reflected.

• 6:18Speaker 05

  It looks like I'm in a huge pair of pants, Rob.

• 6:21Speaker 04

  But you are, you are in a huge pair of pants.

• 6:23Speaker 05

  I've sent it to you. I've sent it to you. So this was what was on the wall. And I wanted to go to the woman, that's, that's unfair on my pants.

• 6:32Speaker 04

  I mean, let's have a look at this. But Josh, nothing's changed. That is, they've scanned you and that's just, that is your, that is the size of your pants. You've just never seen yourself like that before. That's why it's funny.

• 6:41Speaker 05

  I didn't realise how big my pants were.

• 6:45Speaker 04

  We can't put that on it on.

• 6:48Speaker 04

  They just got to go on the Instagram. Let's make sure this goes.

• 6:52Speaker 05

  Okay, yeah, yeah.

• 6:53Speaker 04

  This has to go online.

• 6:55Speaker 05

  They're such big pants.

• 6:56Speaker 04

  They are big pants, they are big. It does, it looks like your knobs poking through the bottom. No, that's just the fold of the pants.

• 7:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:02Speaker 04

  No, you, you do have big pants, they are big pants, Josh. I can't believe, I can't believe you running them with the little elastic one that there's just, it's just so much material. But they, Josh, I thought they were, it was gonna be like sort of really weird scale, but that's exactly what your pants look like when I see you in pants.

• 7:21Speaker 05

  They are big pants.

• 7:23Speaker 04

  They are, but that's, and that's fine if you want big pants.

• 7:26Speaker 05

  I didn't realise how big they were.

• 7:27Speaker 04

  They're just big grandad pants, it's big bloomers, if you will.

• 7:30Speaker 05

  Bloomers, yeah. Right, we're gonna talk, we're gonna, have you got anything more you wanna say before we hear from our audience?

• 7:37Speaker 04

  Not really, I can't really think about what's going on. Oh, the boiler, the boiler's being fixed.

• 7:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:42Speaker 04

  Plumber came and needs a new part. He's going to the wholesalers now to see if he can get the part. If he can get the part, be back tomorrow morning to fit the part, but at the moment, he can't. So what he's done is turned the immersion on, so I'll have a hot water.

• 7:56Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 7:56Speaker 04

  No, we'll have a hot water, but he won't have any central heating, unfortunately.

• 8:00Speaker 05

  Oh, no, Rob.

• 8:00Speaker 04

  So that's a nightmare. So he'll be shivering in the Beckett house tonight.

• 8:04Speaker 05

  Yeah, fair enough, fair enough.

• 8:06Speaker 04

  25 degrees. I love this heatwave. I know in the, on the news, everyone's saying it's bad, but it is nicer than the alternative.

• 8:13Speaker 05

  It's too hot for me, it's too hot for me.

• 8:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, I know, but I, would you, I'd rather be too hot than it be rainy and miserable for the summer.

• 8:20Speaker 05

  I'm quite a rainy and miserable guy, though, I think.

• 8:23Speaker 04

  Okay, well, that's, I, I, I'd agree to disagree.

• 8:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, no, no, I, I totally, I can, I can understand where people are coming from.

• 8:30Speaker 04

  You don't have to understand, you can just disagree with me if you want.

• 8:33Speaker 05

  I don't.

• 8:34Speaker 04

  We don't have to like pretend to sort of, what's that?

• 8:36Speaker 05

  No, no, no, I don't think one right, one, one is right and one is wrong. People have different tastes.

• 8:41Speaker 04

  This is a Reddit bait to get all the Reddit guys.

• 8:44Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:45Speaker 04

  Thinking we hate each other.

• 8:46Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah. So tell me about Reddit.

• 8:48Speaker 04

  I think we should have a.

• 8:50Speaker 05

  A quiz.

• 8:50Speaker 04

  A Reddit, a Reddit section where Michael reads stuff and you have to guess if it's true or false or.

• 8:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:55Speaker 04

  Like what's been on there, but we can work that out. Michael's still in New York.

• 8:58Speaker 05

  Michael, see if you can get any of that together by the end of the episode.

• 9:02Speaker 04

  What I would, what I'd say is, out of the Reddit stuff, is the funniest thing is. There will be discussions about why they think we've done stuff. And the compliments to us that there's any actual thought behind any of it.

• 9:17Speaker 04

  Is like remarkable from like the order of episodes, who we've booked as guests. We don't even know.

• 9:26Speaker 05

  No.

• 9:26Speaker 04

  So it's like, that's quite, that's been quite fun, but.

• 9:29Speaker 05

  Can I let you into the order of the episodes, guys? It's when people's books are coming out.

• 9:37Speaker 05

  They, they need to be on certain weeks. And if they haven't got anything to promote, they are put in those weeks when no one's really requested to be in that week. So it's just filler.

• 9:47Speaker 04

  Exactly. But, and then we did loads of just us chatting because we were too busy to book and forgot to book any guests. So that, you know, there's no, no big real plan.

• 9:56Speaker 07

  The thing that I've never understood about Reddit, and I think the sort of loyal fans of the show call people out for this as well, is the people that go specifically onto the parenting hell page on Reddit to say, oh, I don't listen anymore. However, and then they'll comment something on the show that they allegedly don't listen to. That's a very recent thing that we've discussed. So I'm not sure how long ago they stopped listening. And also if you don't care about the show, that's fine, you know, you're allowed to not like stuff. But it is slightly odd to then go on to log into a specific page that doesn't get presented to you. You have to go to it and then go, oh, I don't listen anymore.

• 10:34Speaker 05

  Because bear in mind, I don't listen to almost every podcast on earth.

• 10:40Speaker 05

  You think of the amount of podcasts there are, I reckon that I listen to about 0.01% of podcasts.

• 10:45Speaker 07

  This is, well, this is a comment I, I just was scanning through the page and I just enjoyed. It said, um, the title of the feed or the title of the sub was called brainstorming. I just wish they had a planning meeting and didn't brainstorm what they're going to talk about on the actual podcast itself.

• 11:02Speaker 05

  Fair. Do you know what? Fair. Totally fair.

• 11:08Speaker 07

  I've lost count of the amount of times someone suggests something that I really wanna hear about, yet they get sidetracked through brainstorming or being sidetracked by a person and never return to the subject. You know what?

• 11:22Speaker 04

  Correct, correct.

• 11:23Speaker 07

  Hold our hands up there.

• 11:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, we do do that.

• 11:26Speaker 05

  Is that your comment, Michael?

• 11:28Speaker 07

  Yeah, that's my way of trying to produce.

• 11:30Speaker 04

  What I'd say is though, it's like, we haven't got time for meetings about what's gonna be on the show because most of that time is eating up with people not having chargers or a quiet place to record.

• 11:41Speaker 05

  Exactly, exactly.

• 11:43Speaker 04

  Right, well, any more you wanna chip in with?

• 11:46Speaker 05

  If there's a quiz you can do at the end, Michael, we'll, we'll, we will get to that. Let's not brainstorm other ideas.

• 11:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:53Speaker 05

  Right. Imagine this.

• 11:55Speaker 04

  Go on.

• 11:56Speaker 05

  So imagine this is, it's a feature that has been taking the nation by storm.

• 12:05Speaker 04

  What do I think about imagine this on Reddit?

• 12:13Speaker 05

  So someone's suggesting a scene and we all have to say how we're imagining it. Okay. This was Sarah Towns.

• 12:20Speaker 04

  Imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine this.

• 12:23Speaker 05

  A hedgehog mum and a frog mum meeting in a garden for a catch up. Okay.

• 12:30Speaker 04

  Oh, the hedgehog mum's big.

• 12:32Speaker 05

  Okay, do you wanna start, Rob?

• 12:34Speaker 04

  So is it, who's knocking? Hello? Who's that there? Oh, Lu, Lu, why is Lu knocking out the window? What are you doing in there? He locked out? Oh, you're just knocking? All right, okay. You're all right.

• 12:51Speaker 04

  That was so weird. Sorry, everyone. I was trying to imagine. Well, I'm, I'm at work here trying to imagine a hedgehog mum. And that.

• 13:01Speaker 05

  I'm doing some serious work.

• 13:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm at work and that bitch out there is distracting me from the grindstone.

• 13:08Speaker 05

  Of imagining a hedgehog.

• 13:10Speaker 04

  Excuse me, can everyone back off? I'm trying to fucking work here. Um, no, Lou was walking past and she did a weird little tap, but it was a weird tap I've never heard of. And the curtains right down low.

• 13:19Speaker 05

  On the window.

• 13:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, so where this window looks out and there's like the back gardeny bit. Um, there's like a little thing in there. So all I saw was her eyes and her fingers tapping on the glass. And I got all confused, but I thought she was locked out. She wasn't. Sorry. A hedgehog mum, a frog mum eating in a garden for a catch up. So, um, there, it's a big hedgehog. She's a big old girl. She's there, a bit of a belly on her. She's hunched over. They've got a little tiny patio, like little table, like plastic table and chairs that they're sat on. And the hedgehog mum's doing some knitting, tiny little hedgehog pulling on a spike next to her, maybe a child. And then the frog ones, a very skinny frog mum, and she stood up pouring tea for them by the table.

• 14:02Speaker 05

  That's nice.

• 14:03Speaker 04

  What are you getting?

• 14:04Speaker 05

  I'm imagining they're kind of, um, in adjacent, um, kind of classic two up, two down houses with the back. You know, the back gardens with a, the kind of, with a wooden fence, you know, those wooden slatted wooden fences? And they've both got a cup of tea in their hands and they're kind of talking over the fence. And there's maybe a, um, a washing line with their washing on. And they're both kind of cartoon animal, but humanized animals. What are they called? What, you know?

• 14:35Speaker 04

  Amphorphosized.

• 14:37Speaker 05

  Yeah. So they're stood on their hind legs and they're maybe wearing a penny.

• 14:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:41Speaker 05

  Do you know what I mean?

• 14:42Speaker 04

  And, and are the clothes behind them in the shape of hedgehogs and frogs?

• 14:47Speaker 05

  Well, because they're anthropomorphized, I suppose they're wearing human clothes essentially.

• 14:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, but have they got really long skinny jeans hung up and frobed and not tiny little trousers?

• 14:57Speaker 05

  No, because I think it's like baby clothes and it's like.

• 15:00Speaker 04

  All right. I, because I imagine a massive waist for the hedgehog with tiny little legs.

• 15:05Speaker 05

  Yes, I suppose.

• 15:06Speaker 04

  Of the jeans.

• 15:07Speaker 05

  The hedgehog, yeah, yeah. She wouldn't be wearing jeans. She's a very, uh, old school, you know, kind of pair of, maybe a pair of spectacles, like kind of. Very Beatrix Pottery.

• 15:17Speaker 04

  Okay. Uh, Michael, would you like to?

• 15:19Speaker 07

  Mine was quite close to Josh's, um, except it was in black and white, like the title sequence of Coronation Street.

• 15:25Speaker 04

  Calm down, Nolan.

• 15:28Speaker 04

  Cueing up to the IMAX for this one, are we?

• 15:32Speaker 07

  You know the opening title sequence of Coronation Street with that sort of back alley? It was one of those and the hedgehog was wearing a kind of hairnet like Hilda Ogden with like some turtlets and stuff, didn't it?

• 15:43Speaker 04

  With this Imagine This feature, someone's got involved here, said, hello, Rob, Joshua Michael, love the pod, no kids, but I've listened to every episode. However, I must say, I feel personally offended by the new segment, Imagine This. And now you've done it for a second time. Well, we're doing it loads here. I feel the need to speak up. I have anphantasia. A pha- A P H A N T A S I A. Anphantasia, was it? Did I? Which means I can't visualize images in my head at all. A picture below for your reference. I'm at a five and it seems like you idiots are 0.001. When you close your eyes, you see an apple.

• 16:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:23Speaker 04

  I don't see it. I don't see it either. I don't physically see it.

• 16:27Speaker 05

  No, but you can picture something. So if I said, can you imagine England winning the World Cup?

• 16:33Speaker 04

  If I shut my eyes, I don't see anything. It's all black.

• 16:35Speaker 05

  No, but you can picture, you don't even need to shut your eyes. I can see, I can see Harry Kane lifting the World Cup trophy in my head.

• 16:43Speaker 04

  Right. So, but they can't see that at all?

• 16:45Speaker 05

  No. So can they read a book or something like?

• 16:50Speaker 04

  Well, they can read the words, but they can't imagine what, they must love films.

• 16:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. So Leanne says, oh yeah, you carry on.

• 16:59Speaker 04

  Well, saying, given this offence, I request you to hold a minute's silence in the pod for us. Anphantasiaax, during which you must close your eyes. So what? So during which you must close your eyes and imagine only blackness. This is your only way you can atone for your offence. Leanne from Singapore.

• 17:16Speaker 04

  So you can't see? I don't get it. So what happens when we do the Imagine This feature? They're just sort of going, oh yeah, great.

• 17:23Speaker 05

  They can't imagine a frog and a hedgehog.

• 17:27Speaker 04

  So what are they doing?

• 17:28Speaker 05

  Wow. Well, that's such an interesting thing to happen to someone.

• 17:34Speaker 01

  From the studio that brought you WandaVision. I was an Avenger, but I'm not a hero anymore.

• 17:42Speaker 01

  The Vision returns for the final chapter of the groundbreaking trilogy. That family wasn't real. You sure about that?

• 17:50Speaker 01

  How is this possible?

• 17:53Speaker 01

  Don't miss the two-episode premiere of Marvel Television's Vision Quest. Nothing bonds a family together quite like Mortal Jeopardy. Now streaming only on Disney+

• 18:06Speaker 03

  Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light. And slowly, the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress, a hoodie slips beneath a blazer, an old cap finds a new scarf. Because you don't simply step into the season. You create it, layer by layer, until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross.

• 18:38Speaker 04

  Workplace shaggers. Hi, you shags. I was listening to your episode on the 26th of May, series 12, episode 41. Imagine this, I had to write in, "I live in Ormskirk."

• 18:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:50Speaker 04

  Remember, we heard about the person that had sex in the pharmacy cupboard?

• 18:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:55Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 18:55Speaker 05

  Oh, no.

• 18:56Speaker 04

  "I live in Ormskirk and recently visited said pharmacy in the large supermarket. I have taken a picture, see attached. The large medicine to have gone, so any shagging can now go unheard in the shops. Stay sexy, relatable, carry."

• 19:09Speaker 05

  Pop it on the Instagram, pop it on the Instagram.

• 19:12Speaker 04

  This is podcast tourism.

• 19:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:15Speaker 04

  People are visiting the Ormskirk pharmacy to see where they shagged.

• 19:20Speaker 05

  Oh, wow. Your family pharmacy plus. Wow. That's good. We'll pop that on the Instagram. Thank you.

• 19:29Speaker 04

  Probably right there, wouldn't we?

• 19:30Speaker 05

  Wow, no, and I tell you what, I would be angry. Reddit.

• 19:35Speaker 04

  How do you think the Reddit and the listeners? Actually, let's ask this as a serious question. How would you feel, listenership? And please be honest, I don't know what the best way is to reply into this. We don't want to just spam the inbox. How would you feel if we went really professional? And it looked like a proper, like, you know, these new podcasts are pure, like, TV show looking, we know what we're doing, we've got, we're always guaranteed a guest this day or that on that day. Like we, we, we remember, sometimes we'll talk about children.

• 20:07Speaker 05

  And the day before, right, each episode will put out a, a series of clips that make the interview look very dramatic. And under it will say, if you want the interview now, write the word, you know.

• 20:23Speaker 04

  And we'll DM you the link, that one.

• 20:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, and we'll DM you the link, that one.

• 20:27Speaker 04

  We could do that. And then what about like, we just like put up loads of random kooky things about parenting on the parenting hell, what's that, um, what's it called, Instagram page? What do you think about that? Is, is, do you want that? Would they like that? Do you reckon they'd probably go, oh, they've gone like that, have they? But then love it because it's like really professional.

• 20:45Speaker 05

  There's more stuff.

• 20:46Speaker 04

  It's more stuff, isn't it?

• 20:47Speaker 05

  Yeah, but then like, it, it strikes me as, without this feeling like a criticism, because I, I like this band. It reminds me a bit of like Alex Turner changing his singing voice. Do you know what I mean?

• 21:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. But if he's, is, he is, if he's happier doing that, that's fine. Would we be happier?

• 21:10Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 21:11Speaker 04

  Really slick. I mean, I think, may, I do, maybe.

• 21:14Speaker 05

  Have we got it in us? Do you think we've got it in us, Michael?

• 21:17Speaker 07

  I think it would be the end of this podcast.

• 21:21Speaker 04

  No, I think what we'll do is we'll try and make sure we're always putting out great content in our way. Right, guys?

• 21:26Speaker 05

  Exactly, exactly.

• 21:28Speaker 04

  Right. What do you want to do? We've got parenting fails here. We've got playground shaggers, food confession.

• 21:33Speaker 05

  Let's save the food.

• 21:35Speaker 04

  Food confession. Well, this is when I slag people off for putting sugar in not chocolate. And then I told everyone I dip breadsticks into butter and then dip it into the grated cheese and eat it, the food.

• 21:45Speaker 05

  Okay, hit me with some food confessions.

• 21:48Speaker 04

  There we go. Hello, you lovely pair.

• 21:50Speaker 05

  Gamble there, Caster.

• 21:51Speaker 04

  Sarah33, here from Cheshire. No kids, just cats. I was listening to your recent episode and thought I needed to write in. My, my food confession involves plain cream crackers. Okay?

• 22:04Speaker 05

  Here we go.

• 22:04Speaker 04

  It's fine so far. I haven't done this for quite some time. I used to, the fuck's up, Stan?

• 22:10Speaker 05

  What's up? Is that Lou knocking on the ceiling?

• 22:12Speaker 04

  No, it honestly sounded like the kids are riding a horse. That was the noise I got.

• 22:17Speaker 05

  How much are you paying them to ride the horse?

• 22:19Speaker 04

  No, no horses in this house, mate. I used to eat slash chew just Jacob's crackers and then spit them into a bowl.

• 22:29Speaker 05

  What?

• 22:30Speaker 04

  So crackers in mouth, chew chew chew.

• 22:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 22:33Speaker 04

  Until they're a bit broken, not swallowing, spat into a bowl. I'll do this a few times, then use a spoon and re-eat it.

• 22:41Speaker 05

  Oh my, effing G. Effing G, that is too much for my tastes.

• 22:48Speaker 04

  I don't know why I started doing it, but I casually mentioned it to my best friend and she told me she used to do the same with mini cheddars.

• 22:56Speaker 05

  What?

• 22:57Speaker 04

  Except she was chew, spit it out, onto the next one, then eat it.

• 23:01Speaker 05

  What?

• 23:02Speaker 04

  So the same, but with mini cheddars. But I don't know what the difference is.

• 23:05Speaker 05

  Is it because they like it smashed up and that's why they're doing it? Or do they like the spittle to be all over it?

• 23:10Speaker 04

  I like smashed avocado, Josh. I'm not chewing it and spitting it on the table.

• 23:13Speaker 05

  Exactly, yeah, like a bird feeding their young when they chew it up and spit it in their mouths.

• 23:18Speaker 04

  That is, that is bad.

• 23:21Speaker 05

  Because, because with cheddars and the same with cream crackers, you could just smash them up. You could easily, before opening your mini cheddars, smash up the bag of cheddars.

• 23:32Speaker 04

  Because if you, if you were doing a new Hannibal Lecter film, right, and you had to try and convey to the audience a sort of a psychotic individual, if you walked past a cell and saw someone doing that, you'd go, that's too on the nose.

• 23:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:43Speaker 04

  That's too weird. You know, no one does that. That's too, but.

• 23:47Speaker 05

  Also, he's coming in Jacob's cream crackers in a prison, in a high security prison.

• 23:52Speaker 04

  What, what? Is it, is it because they're too dry and they're adding moisture? Yeah, I don't know. That, that is.

• 23:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:56Speaker 04

  That is actually.

• 23:57Speaker 05

  I, I don't like the look of, I don't like to think about the image of the thing in my mouth once I've started chewing it.

• 24:04Speaker 04

  The one I've seen some people do is, I don't know who did it, it was on like a TV show where like, they're trying to make a salad and with a carrot and would just, instead of chopping a carrot, would just sort of like bite bits of it off to fall into the pot.

• 24:18Speaker 05

  What? What was this on? That's not Nigella.

• 24:23Speaker 04

  I remember seeing it somewhere. Also, do you know Joey Essex, when he brushes his teeth? He moves his mouth, not the brush.

• 24:29Speaker 05

  That's not true.

• 24:32Speaker 05

  This is like something from what I liked here.

• 24:38Speaker 05

  It's probably, yeah, I could see it work. Because you're not meant to move it. Do you have an electric toothbrush?

• 24:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, I do now because I was getting receding gums because I was brushing too hard.

• 24:47Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, we can all see that.

• 24:49Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. Did you see that on your scan? Were your big old bloomers out?

• 24:53Speaker 05

  Big old bloomers?

• 24:55Speaker 04

  Um, yeah, absolutely fine health wise, just a style issue. You just need better pants, mate. You look 300.

• 25:01Speaker 04

  You look like a lost grandad in the fucking woods.

• 25:03Speaker 05

  The age of your heart is 40, but the age of your pants are 87.

• 25:10Speaker 04

  You've got a degenerative condition in your wardrobe, I'm afraid.

• 25:19Speaker 04

  Right, there we go. Um, luckily your prostate's not as far gone as your pants. You'll be all right for a few more years.

• 25:27Speaker 04

  Another food, do you want another food confession?

• 25:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:30Speaker 04

  Hello, you trio of legends. I've been listening for years, never found a feature that quite resonates with me enough to write in until now. I have an unhealthy obsession with crispy fried onions. Thoughts on those, Josh?

• 25:46Speaker 05

  Um, I like the smell that makes you feel like you're at a football match when, when someone's.

• 25:53Speaker 05

  But I don't like it when it's.

• 25:56Speaker 04

  I think.

• 25:56Speaker 05

  You know, when it's like put on rice or something and it's actually just like bits of crispy fried onion or when they put it on like. If that's what they mean, the dry.

• 26:05Speaker 04

  I think, I think she's talking about the dry stuff you get in Harvester.

• 26:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, I don't like that. I don't like that.

• 26:10Speaker 04

  I don't mind that on a, on like a Harvester salad if I'm eating it straight away, but as soon as it goes soft, I'm out.

• 26:18Speaker 05

  I think it also, it dominates. It's, it's, it's a strong taste. Do you know what I mean? It's difficult to see beyond it once it gets involved. We've all done panel shows with people like that.

• 26:33Speaker 04

  Well, she's, she's, it's definitely the crispy ones because she said, I'm an addict at a famous food chain. Let's call it Combine.

• 26:40Speaker 05

  Yeah, fine.

• 26:41Speaker 04

  My salad bowl will consist of an entire bowl of these crispy flakes of goodness. Possibly with a smattering of garlic croutons for balance.

• 26:52Speaker 05

  For balance.

• 26:53Speaker 04

  Spooning it in.

• 26:55Speaker 05

  Oh, my word.

• 26:56Speaker 04

  My, my daughter just has pineapple with bacon bits.

• 27:00Speaker 05

  Uh, uh, uh, Combine?

• 27:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, the Combine.

• 27:05Speaker 05

  But I think all, I think children have a free hit. Cause children are like pregnant women, do you know what I mean? It's kind of all rules are off.

• 27:14Speaker 04

  Okay, around a year ago, all my dreams came true and I realised you could buy them in the supermarket. I now shamelessly often sit there with a spoon and throw them into my face like cereal.

• 27:25Speaker 05

  I, one, one thing I would say from a, I, this isn't, you know, I'm not a health expert. I imagine they are incredibly bad for you.

• 27:35Speaker 04

  There, there's nothing good that can come from it.

• 27:37Speaker 05

  They're all gonna be so grea-, there's so much grease in them. And then the, yeah, so, so I just don't, I don't know whether a full bowl of crispy onions is, is gonna be a, a win.

• 27:51Speaker 04

  But she, she says she rare-

• 27:53Speaker 05

  Each their own.

• 27:54Speaker 04

  She rarely uses them as a garnish, as their intended purpose. I'm even known to have a quick fix by tipping my head back and pouring them directly into my mouth.

• 28:02Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 28:04Speaker 04

  Look, I'm now pregnant with my third child, so I have a sweet yet infinite period of time where I can get away with this and blame it on-

• 28:09Speaker 05

  Fair enough, fair enough, fair enough.

• 28:10Speaker 04

  No, no, no, where she can blame it, she said it, where I can blame it on cravings, but really, I'm just a fat fuck.

• 28:17Speaker 05

  Is that what she said?

• 28:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's what she said. That's what she said.

• 28:21Speaker 05

  Fair play. Imagine if you'd added that yourself.

• 28:26Speaker 04

  No, but she's had to at some point introduce that to her partner. To be like, hey, I'm, is there anything you do that's weird that you have sort of-

• 28:36Speaker 05

  The crispy onions guy.

• 28:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, like, just so you know.

• 28:39Speaker 05

  Well, I'm starting to worry about my pants.

• 28:43Speaker 04

  They are big grandad pants, but they're fine, they're not terrible, they're just grandad pants. Look, look.

• 28:47Speaker 05

  I haven't got, I remember Rose thinking it was weird, food-wise, but it's not nearly the same.

• 28:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:54Speaker 05

  That I'd have with dinner, a, a full carton of orange juice, directly from the carton.

• 29:03Speaker 04

  How big we're talking? Like, the big ones?

• 29:05Speaker 05

  No, like the traditional, do you still get them? You know the one you'd get when we were kids that are-

• 29:12Speaker 04

  As big as a hand?

• 29:13Speaker 05

  That, no, you know, let me, like a carton of orange juice, is it a litre?

• 29:19Speaker 04

  Is it not one that you put a straw in, one that like you cut the-

• 29:22Speaker 05

  One you'd buy for your family. You'd cut the corn off.

• 29:26Speaker 04

  Right. So like, the one that's in the, it's in, it's not normally in the cold, it's in the dry section that then you put in the fridge at home.

• 29:35Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:36Speaker 04

  And is it cold when you have it?

• 29:38Speaker 05

  You'd maybe get four of them, wouldn't you, if you had a family?

• 29:40Speaker 04

  Right, okay, so now let's dig into this, because I'm excited about this. I think Michael is too, I can sense it. You, oh, come in. You're like, oh, well done. That's good. Is it nice? No, it's my daughter that's been freezing.

• 29:55Speaker 05

  I know, I was joking.

• 29:56Speaker 04

  Yeah. Do you want me to try it? Sorry.

• 30:04Speaker 04

  What, suddenly you're done?

• 30:09Speaker 07

  There's a little tease for the social report.

• 30:12Speaker 05

  Oh my god.

• 30:16Speaker 04

  Sorry.

• 30:19Speaker 04

  Right.

• 30:25Speaker 04

  Got a cushion, so I'm high enough.

• 30:26Speaker 05

  Oh, so much going on.

• 30:29Speaker 04

  So, guys, write in, do you want it, do you want us to go slicker?

• 30:38Speaker 04

  Let us know what you want from us. You're our biggest pod here.

• 30:45Speaker 05

  Oh my gosh.

• 30:49Speaker 05

  Do you want us to go slicker? Michael, could you edit that with him saying that and then a timestamp of how many minutes later this happened?

• 30:59Speaker 04

  Right. The big, the beautiful thing about that is, we won't do that.

• 31:04Speaker 05

  No.

• 31:05Speaker 04

  We won't do that. Oh, right. Anyway, so, that was my daughter's been freezing Coke and put in, and put a stick in it to make big Coke lollies.

• 31:14Speaker 05

  Oh yeah, that's good.

• 31:15Speaker 04

  This is what I'm going to try, well, Diet Coke.

• 31:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 31:18Speaker 04

  Right, your can of juice. So.

• 31:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 31:21Speaker 04

  You've put it in the fridge, dinnertime, you've sat down with, what are you eating with Rose?

• 31:24Speaker 05

  So this started at uni, at uni, I'd go across the road to Domino's, right?

• 31:31Speaker 05

  Where in this Fallowfield Student District of Manchester, it was two pounds for a cheese nine inch or 12 inch, like a reasonable sized cheese and tomato pizza.

• 31:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:46Speaker 05

  One ninety five, actually, with the with the little pot of stuff. So I was having a little dinner. Yeah, of course.

• 31:54Speaker 04

  No notes so far, Josh. Totally on board with all of this, yep.

• 31:57Speaker 05

  I I'd order that so often that once I phoned up and when I said my name, they said, what's your name? And I said, Josh. And they said, is that the Josh? And I was like, yeah.

• 32:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, there we go.

• 32:06Speaker 04

  He saw stardust.

• 32:06Speaker 05

  And then I'd go next door, that was a, if you went to Union Manchester, you'll know it was a notorious kind of newsagent where rumours were you could buy nefarious things as well.

• 32:20Speaker 04

  So I'm just gonna move that round so it looks good, the background. Sorry.

• 32:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:24Speaker 04

  So you could buy naughty things there?

• 32:26Speaker 05

  Apparently. You could, A, I'd heard that, you know, people bought drugs there.

• 32:31Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 32:32Speaker 05

  And B, there was a, they had a, they had a, a video and DVD rental in those days.

• 32:39Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 32:40Speaker 05

  And if you went in to rent the thing, they'd say, that'll be three pounds to rent it. Or for a fiver, I could just burn it on to a DVD and you can have it.

• 32:49Speaker 04

  Oh, okay. Decent.

• 32:51Speaker 05

  So it was a bit of a dodgy place.

• 32:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:52Speaker 05

  Anyway.

• 32:53Speaker 04

  And you, and that's where you went to get your orange juice.

• 32:55Speaker 05

  I'd go and buy my carton of orange juice while my Domino's was being made. And then I'd take them both back home and that would be my dinner.

• 33:04Speaker 04

  The most Josh Williken thing ever is going to a drug dealer's buy orange juice.

• 33:11Speaker 04

  Dad, did you do drugs at uni? Well, sort of. I don't know if you've ever had not from concentrate orange every night.

• 33:19Speaker 04

  Then, so basically, you'd sit down with your pizza and you chop off the end and you would drink it from the carton and would you drink all of it with dinner?

• 33:28Speaker 05

  I think there was a plastic thing on it, a plastic opening.

• 33:32Speaker 04

  Oh, right. So whatever.

• 33:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:34Speaker 04

  But you're drinking out of the carton with your dinner. And are you drinking all of that with your dinner?

• 33:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:40Speaker 04

  The whole, the whole litre of orange juice?

• 33:42Speaker 05

  Because I was under the impression that it was good for you.

• 33:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, I agree with this because I used to drink big bottles of orange juice, actually just full of sugar.

• 33:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, and I didn't realise until I got together with Rose and she pop, she was like, you shouldn't be drinking a litre of orange juice with your dinner.

• 33:59Speaker 04

  I've never been more team Rose.

• 34:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, no, I agree with her. Now, I'm not like saying, why did she clip my wings? I'm saying I just didn't know.

• 34:11Speaker 04

  Um, how, so how, how long until she's, how many times do you reckon you drunk that in front of her until she, because that is difficult in a relationship, isn't it?

• 34:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, it was quite early doors that I found out from her that orange juice wasn't like.

• 34:24Speaker 04

  Uh, did you stagger it and start using a cup or a glass or you just get rid of it one day?

• 34:30Speaker 05

  I don't seem to remember.

• 34:31Speaker 04

  Quite disgusting at the thought, isn't it? In front of someone?

• 34:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, I probably was drinking out of a glass if she was there, maybe, you know?

• 34:38Speaker 04

  Respect.

• 34:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 34:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, that is, yeah, that is, um, and that you had that of every meal?

• 34:44Speaker 05

  No, not with every meal, only if I was, you know, treat myself, go to the shop.

• 34:49Speaker 04

  Yes, your treat drink.

• 34:51Speaker 05

  Goodfellas pizza and a carton of orange juice.

• 34:54Speaker 04

  Um, I, I can get all the meat off a chicken.

• 34:57Speaker 05

  What?

• 34:57Speaker 04

  I'm very good at getting all the meat off a chicken.

• 34:59Speaker 05

  With your mouth or?

• 35:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, but sometimes fingers. But I'll get all the meat off a chicken, standard.

• 35:06Speaker 05

  Well, there's this kind of idea that.

• 35:08Speaker 04

  I sat the head of a prawn.

• 35:10Speaker 05

  Yeah, there's this kind of idea with people, Rob, that it makes, the chicken would want you to have used it for as much as possible in its death.

• 35:20Speaker 04

  Absolutely. Eat the meat, fuck the carcass, full service.

• 35:28Speaker 05

  Exactly. But I don't know if I died, how much consolation it would be if someone had eaten me and boiled me for a broth as well and kind of.

• 35:36Speaker 04

  I'm not eating the chicken out of respect, I'm eating all the chicken.

• 35:39Speaker 05

  No, I know you're not. No, no, no, I was just thinking, I was just, I was just thinking this the other day, that a lot of people think it's a kind of, I, I think you're doing it because you, you know, you want as much chicken for your ba- bang for your buck.

• 35:49Speaker 04

  Absolutely.

• 35:50Speaker 05

  Bang for your cluck, should I say?

• 35:53Speaker 04

  No, I'm not doing nose to tail through ethic reasons.

• 35:57Speaker 05

  No, no, exactly.

• 35:59Speaker 04

  Um, right, um, talking of cooking, we've got a hob, hob on it. Do you want to try, I've done a couple here, do you want to do one?

• 36:04Speaker 05

  Hob.

• 36:05Speaker 04

  Well, we were talking about.

• 36:07Speaker 05

  You do that one, I'll do the next one.

• 36:09Speaker 04

  Okay. It was a Centre Park scandal. Do you want to do that one?

• 36:13Speaker 05

  I'll just say the Park scandal.

• 36:14Speaker 04

  Induction hob fail. Hi Rob, Josh and Michael. I love Tuesday's episode where Josh talks about his frustration with the induction hob. I thought I'd share my story. When we moved house, we had an induction hob in the kitchen. We wondered why nothing was cooking and then realised we needed all new pans. Then two weeks into living there, a plastic spice jar fell from a cupboard above and smashed the hob. So we had to get the whole thing replaced.

• 36:40Speaker 05

  Oh no.

• 36:42Speaker 04

  Then we got cats and one of our cats somehow managed to put the hob in safe mode. And we had to dig out instructions on how to take the safety off because it wouldn't allow us to do anything.

• 36:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:50Speaker 04

  Having, having said that, now we're used to it. We wouldn't go back to any other way.

• 36:55Speaker 05

  Do you know what?

• 36:56Speaker 04

  That was a curve ball from David.

• 36:58Speaker 05

  We've got induction on our new cooker. We've got induction.

• 37:02Speaker 04

  But after all the induction problems you've been having.

• 37:05Speaker 05

  Well, there's a difference between getting in your own induction cooker.

• 37:11Speaker 05

  Where it's quite simple and you know how to use it versus one you're unfamiliar with. Oh, I was in a hotel this week and it had a, a touch.

• 37:22Speaker 04

  Sorry, what the fuck happened to your face then?

• 37:25Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 37:26Speaker 04

  It stalled for ages. Did you see that? You were, I don't know if that was the lag or you, as you was getting so enthusiastic, like you were rearing up for it.

• 37:36Speaker 07

  No, it was real. That was real time. That was, it was like, it was like you started to sneeze and then you paused.

• 37:43Speaker 04

  You would, I was, I'll do, I'll do what I think you did.

• 37:47Speaker 04

  I was in a hotel, Rob, because you, you got excited. Right. I was in a hotel the other week and I, and I was in the hotel.

• 37:56Speaker 05

  Clip it up, put it on the Instagram. Yeah. That's the kind of thing, come on.

• 38:02Speaker 04

  Clips my mate, get the team on it.

• 38:04Speaker 05

  Honestly, this is like, this is like, we're using this episode for clips like Rob uses a chicken.

• 38:13Speaker 04

  Nothing on the bones, sir. When, when, when I did the rest is football in New York, right? You know, because obviously you know the podcast guides quite well, don't you, Michael? Because when you're doing, you know, the, this is a small industry. I was sat in a barber and one of them went, it's just the three of you.

• 38:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:33Speaker 04

  I mean, you couldn't tell, you can't tell, can you?

• 38:43Speaker 04

  Oh, anyway, sorry, I said hotel.

• 38:47Speaker 05

  Oh, it had a kettle?

• 38:55Speaker 05

  Worth watching the video for that. Impression, my own breakdown.

• 39:01Speaker 04

  He just got suspended in time. It was like in a movie, it would have, as you would have stalled and then the camera would have spun going, and at this point, I started my, anyway, anyway. I'm going mad.

• 39:13Speaker 05

  So, it was on like its touch, it was like an induction hob, you had to touch it to bring up the lights, but you're like, if you're in a hotel room, you can't be having modern tech, you don't need to reinvent how to turn on a kettle.

• 39:28Speaker 04

  No, no.

• 39:29Speaker 05

  Don't have it in a hotel room where someone's got to work it out for themselves.

• 39:33Speaker 04

  Simple as past.

• 39:33Speaker 05

  If you wanna buy that for your own house, fine.

• 39:36Speaker 04

  And I like a hotel that's got a big fuck off switch at the front that does all lights.

• 39:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 39:42Speaker 04

  Scouring around with your arse out trying to find the lamp one.

• 39:45Speaker 05

  The lamp, and I don't wanna.

• 39:48Speaker 04

  The amount of times, if it's a, you know, like the lamp, you've got, you've got three.

• 39:52Speaker 05

  And the lamp invariably has the plug socket where I want it, but it's for a smaller plug.

• 39:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 39:58Speaker 05

  A weird, small plug that only does lamps.

• 40:01Speaker 04

  You put normal plugs in here. No, no, let's not make it handy for them if they've got to charge something. Let's invent a new plug for a fucking lamp that don't work. And the lamp, it's either the floor button, the wall button, pull the plug out, or you have to put your hand up, which feels like you're upskirting a lamp to try and find a little clicker. Put your hand up a skirt.

• 40:19Speaker 05

  I always think I'm about to get electrocuted when I'm feeling up the lamp as well.

• 40:22Speaker 04

  I feel like I'm about to get cancelled the way my hands go in trying to find the switch.

• 40:45Speaker 01

  Is this possible?

• 40:48Speaker 01

  Don't miss the two-episode premiere of Marvel Television's Vision Quest. Nothing bonds a family together quite like Mortal Jeopardy. Now streaming on Disney+.

• 41:01Speaker 03

  Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light. And slowly, the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress, a hoodie slips beneath a blazer, an old cap finds a new scarf. Because you don't simply step into the season. You create it, layer by layer, until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross.

• 41:33Speaker 04

  All right, Center Park scandal? Oh, sorry, was you still?

• 41:36Speaker 05

  Center Park scandal, no.

• 41:37Speaker 04

  You're still talking.

• 41:40Speaker 04

  Sorry, was you still talking?

• 41:42Speaker 05

  Do you want more professionalism? In 2024?

• 41:44Speaker 04

  No, no, I can't bear it.

• 41:46Speaker 05

  Our family descended on Center Parks. My sister had come over from where she lives abroad.

• 41:51Speaker 04

  It's a really weird way of putting it.

• 41:53Speaker 05

  Such a weird sentence structure.

• 41:56Speaker 04

  Men, just be anonymous.

• 41:58Speaker 05

  Well, maybe. No, they put their name at the end.

• 42:02Speaker 04

  Is there any more information about the place that impacts the story?

• 42:05Speaker 05

  But maybe we'll see, I suppose. The final sentence is, and that sister lives in Denmark.

• 42:13Speaker 04

  Is it?

• 42:14Speaker 05

  No, of course.

• 42:16Speaker 04

  Sorry.

• 42:18Speaker 04

  What am I like?

• 42:21Speaker 05

  My sister's come over from where she lives abroad.

• 42:24Speaker 04

  So my sister's come over from where she lives abroad? Okay.

• 42:28Speaker 05

  Undisclosed, included both our six-month-olds and husbands. Two couples, one couple lives abroad.

• 42:36Speaker 04

  So basically, me and my sister and our husband and six-year-old, six-month-old children went to Center Parks.

• 42:42Speaker 05

  But our sister, she lives abroad.

• 42:45Speaker 04

  Abroad, yeah, but she's come over from where she lives abroad.

• 42:47Speaker 05

  I knew that our vicar was also.

• 42:49Speaker 04

  She didn't go to Center Parks from her house abroad, she's come over for it.

• 42:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, I knew that this has turned into a 1976. And I knew our vicar was also in Center Park with his family that weekend. This is going to end up with the vicar seeing them naked or something, surely. Each time we crossed paths, I gave a friendly wave, but he looked deeply troubled and seemed to be avoiding me.

• 43:09Speaker 04

  Oh no.

• 43:11Speaker 05

  Later that weekend, I decided to go around to his lodge to break the ice.

• 43:15Speaker 04

  Oh, fuck off, you keynote, sorry.

• 43:19Speaker 05

  I knocked on the door and he opened, pale as a sheet.

• 43:24Speaker 05

  I said hello and would you like to meet my family? I pointed down the pathway to where my sister was standing with her husband. The vicar took one look at my sister and her husband and laughed hard for a good minute.

• 43:38Speaker 04

  Sorry, I don't get this.

• 43:40Speaker 05

  This is like a kind of Sherlock Holmes mystery. What's happened?

• 43:45Speaker 04

  But there's a lot to break down here. He's not really saying hello, so she's gone to break the ice by knocking on his door then saying, do you want to see my family?

• 43:53Speaker 05

  Well, she knows him. She knows him. And her sister's over from somewhere abroad.

• 44:00Speaker 04

  Who cares about seeing someone else's family? Am I wrong? Am I weird?

• 44:04Speaker 05

  Well, vicars are quite like that, aren't they? Vicars are really nice.

• 44:07Speaker 04

  It's another lot they can get in for the contribution bowl, basically. It's more, more good.

• 44:14Speaker 05

  I see what's happened here.

• 44:15Speaker 04

  Go on.

• 44:17Speaker 05

  At this point, I realised that there might have been a case of mistaken identity, as we are, of course, identical twins. Here we go, Rob. Here we go. She has held something back. It turns out that for three days, the vicar thought he had spotted me canoodling with another man, my sister's husband. Oh, my word.

• 44:37Speaker 04

  This is great.

• 44:38Speaker 05

  This is good.

• 44:40Speaker 04

  This is good now. I'm in. Sorry for all the stuff I said before, like, this is shit. You're a keynote. Why are you fucking boring us with the sister abroad stuff?

• 44:48Speaker 05

  He now realised that it was in fact my sister and brother-in-law, and I hadn't been brazenly cheating. We were all together at Centre Park. He said he'd been worrying about what to say to me. How could he best broach the subject of such public adultery?

• 45:04Speaker 04

  Oh, wow. Yeah, of course, because if he's got a good connection and that stuff and he knows the husband.

• 45:09Speaker 05

  To keep the confusion going, my twin sister and I gave birth to our second born on exactly the same day this year, not planned. We love your pod and most of our conversations centre around digesting the most recent parenting hell episode and cackling. Love, Fiona.

• 45:26Speaker 05

  Fiola, Finola, Finola and Ellie.

• 45:31Speaker 04

  Quite a while Ellie had a good hand there.

• 45:32Speaker 05

  368 months.

• 45:34Speaker 04

  Um, apologies for having a go. I just got confused at the start. That's great. Great twist.

• 45:39Speaker 05

  It was a good plot. It was a good twist.

• 45:40Speaker 04

  Jonathan Creek.

• 45:41Speaker 05

  It was a bit Jonathan Creek-y and it wouldn't work unless it's written down. Do you know who wouldn't have enjoyed that, Rob?

• 45:49Speaker 04

  Oh, no.

• 45:50Speaker 05

  Leanne from Singapore.

• 45:53Speaker 04

  And there's one thing we want to do on this show is keep Leanne from Singapore happy.

• 45:57Speaker 05

  Sorry, Leanne. She can't picture that, but I do apologize.

• 46:00Speaker 04

  No, she must be as a picture of two people that look like each other.

• 46:03Speaker 05

  I don't think she can. She can't picture an apple.

• 46:07Speaker 04

  Come on. Yeah.

• 46:08Speaker 05

  Poor Leanne.

• 46:10Speaker 04

  Poor Leanne.

• 46:12Speaker 04

  What did they do with their head then?

• 46:14Speaker 05

  I don't know. I'm going to read more about it.

• 46:16Speaker 04

  I think we're, um, we're done there, George. We do some small business or, um, oh, did you want to do the Reddit thing?

• 46:22Speaker 05

  Michael?

• 46:23Speaker 04

  Did you get any Reddit stuff for us, Michael?

• 46:25Speaker 07

  No, can be bothered.

• 46:27Speaker 04

  Cool. Okay. Well, tune in next time for another, uh.

• 46:31Speaker 05

  Professional.

• 46:35Speaker 04

  We'll do it for the next one. And all those things will go on Instagram and, um, and I've proved I've not been kidnapped. I'm still in the same room. We've just done this for sound. Luckily, Michael came around too.

• 46:44Speaker 05

  Oh my fucking God, there's a seagull at the window. Jesus fucking Christ.

• 46:59Speaker 05

  Look, look at this live photo.

• 47:03Speaker 05

  Imagine you're just.

• 47:06Speaker 05

  Pop this on the Instagram, Michael.

• 47:13Speaker 04

  We've got to start. No, we've got to start putting it, the stuff on it.

• 47:16Speaker 05

  Fucking seagull. Hold down on it for the live photo. Oh, is it not?

• 47:22Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 47:22Speaker 05

  Oh, it hasn't live photographed. Oh, for fuck's sake. Why weren't it live photo? That was terrifying.

• 47:29Speaker 04

  It's in a live photo video.

• 47:31Speaker 05

  Well, you know, when your phone.

• 47:33Speaker 04

  Maybe if you send it not on WhatsApp.

• 47:36Speaker 05

  That was mental.

• 47:37Speaker 04

  Right. Small business?

• 47:39Speaker 05

  Yeah. There you can have a look at the video now. Imagine this guy just appearing out of nowhere.

• 47:45Speaker 04

  What are we sending it on? We have to get this on that.

• 47:49Speaker 05

  Oh my God, he's making noise now.

• 47:53Speaker 04

  Oh, I moved along.

• 48:00Speaker 04

  You can edit that and turn that into, I'll turn that into like a repeating gif thing.

• 48:04Speaker 05

  Yeah, that was fucking terrifying.

• 48:06Speaker 04

  Oh, that's very funny. Right, small business shout out.

• 48:10Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 48:11Speaker 04

  Hi, Rob and Josh and Michael. OG listener here. What an evolution you've had from those stressful days in the beginning. Yeah, we're just smooth and chilled now.

• 48:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, very, very, very.

• 48:22Speaker 04

  I've just started a professional organising business and we'd be grateful for a shout out.

• 48:28Speaker 04

  Organise and declutter wardrobes, pantries, children's rooms, playrooms, charity spaces, office spaces, kidnap locations, hostage scenes and pilates rooms with a bit of wood and a blanket hung over the back. For more information, I can be found at my main base on Instagram at curated by Phil, F I L. My TikTok is the same handle and your listeners will get a 10% discount with the code ROBANDJOSH26. And that's capital R and J. Thank you for the support and the laughs. Stay sexy and relatable. Are you relatable these days? Who knows? We can only be what we are. That's from Phil. Good luck, Phil. Curated by Phil.

• 49:11Speaker 05

  Really good. I'm going to go down the bottom. Here we go.

• 49:15Speaker 04

  There we go. Bit of, bit of blue.

• 49:17Speaker 05

  Hi, Rob and Josh, you sexy pair. I'm Emma, a mum of one sassy three-year-old and after being made redundant shortly after returning from maternity leave, I decided to finally take the plunge, follow my lifelong dream of running my own creative business. I've launched enchanted albums where I design personalised themed photo albums of kids' parties. Good idea. So if your kid is having a Disney princess party, a Spider-Man party, a Bluey Bash or anything in between, the album will match the theme of the party. Turns all those chaotic, magical, icing smeared moments into a gorgeous keepsake. Families can treasure forever. To celebrate starting this new chapter and surviving toddler negotiations, I'm offering 10% off for all parenting hell listeners. If you want to turn your camera or carnage into.

• 50:02Speaker 05

  Something beautiful, you can find me. Enchanted Albums at Outlook dot com. Enchanted Albums at Outlook dot com. Excellent idea, and I'm sure that'll appeal to lots of our listeners. That's Emma, four hundred and fifty six months.

• 50:15Speaker 04

  Thank you very much, Emma. Cheers, Josh. It's been fun. I'll see you, I'll see you next time. I've just sent that to you guys, the gif.

• 50:21Speaker 05

  Oh my God, that gif's good.

• 50:23Speaker 04

  It's a good gif, isn't it?

• 50:24Speaker 05

  That was so scary.

• 50:25Speaker 04

  And that'll hopefully find your Instagram, won't it, Michael?

• 50:28Speaker 05

  Goodbye.

• 50:34Speaker 01

  From the studio that brought you WandaVision.

• 50:36Speaker 02

  I was an Avenger, but I'm not a hero anymore.

• 50:42Speaker 01

  The Vision returns for the final chapter of the groundbreaking trilogy.

• 50:45Speaker 02

  That family wasn't real. You sure about that? I had a father called Vision.

• 50:49Speaker 01

  How is this possible? Don't miss the two-episode premiere of Marvel Television's Vision Quest.

• 50:57Speaker 02

  Nothing bonds a family together quite like Mortal Jeopardy.

• 51:00Speaker 01

  Now streaming, only on Disney+.