S13 EP18: We've sold our dogs

More adventures in parenting (and life) from Rob and Josh... This week we discuss the big topics; - It's weird how you can sell a horse but not a dog. - Are baby cucumbers a different breed to regular big cucumbers? - Some classic temporary / permanant If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [email protected] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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• 1:30Speaker 02

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• 1:32Speaker 03

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  Oh, you've got to love it. Who wouldn't love it, Rob?

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• 2:16Speaker 02

  Atol and Abta protected.

• 2:21Speaker 03

  Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with...

• 2:23Speaker 04

  Arthur, can you say Rob Beckett?

• 2:28Speaker 04

  And can you say Josh Whittaker?

• 2:32Speaker 04

  Does Josh Whittaker make you sad? Rob Beckett funny. Yeah, I think that too.

• 2:38Speaker 02

  Unbelievable.

• 2:40Speaker 03

  We don't like that here. Obviously, I love that, but we really don't like that. I love that. We don't put up for that kind of stuff. That's horrible, it's divisive. I love it, but we as a podcast don't like that, do we, Josh?

• 2:53Speaker 02

  No, we don't. Hi, Rob and Josh. I'm a [bleep]. No, sorry. Hi, Rob and Josh.

• 3:03Speaker 02

  I've been looking forward to this moment ever since your first episode during lockdown, when I lived my best carefree life for just my dog and horses. Since then, I've joined...

• 3:12Speaker 03

  Not the carefree, the dog and horses.

• 3:16Speaker 02

  Since then, I've joined in the pits of parenting hell with a three-and-a-half-year-old and a six-month-old. I thought Josh was exaggerating with this age gap, but wow. This is my eldest, Arthur, saying your names. I'm not sure why he finds Rob's so funny and Josh is sad. I guess it's just the vibe he's getting.

• 3:30Speaker 03

  Oh, double dig. We hate that.

• 3:33Speaker 02

  Do you know what? She's footed her mobile number.

• 3:35Speaker 03

  Let's go. You've got a call. You've got beef with her. Because remember, we're not together, so she won't be able to hear me. This is the problem we have on the football podcast.

• 3:45Speaker 05

  Hello?

• 3:46Speaker 02

  Hi, is that Stephanie?

• 3:48Speaker 05

  Hi, yeah.

• 3:49Speaker 02

  It's Josh Whittaker here. Hi, Steph.

• 3:53Speaker 05

  Hello.

• 3:55Speaker 02

  How are you?

• 3:56Speaker 05

  You all right? Yeah, not bad, don't you?

• 3:58Speaker 02

  We've just played out your message.

• 4:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:02Speaker 02

  So what's so sad about me, Stephanie?

• 4:06Speaker 05

  About me?

• 4:11Speaker 02

  Is he there?

• 4:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's Arthur. Hello, Rob. It's Josh Whittaker. You found him sad, didn't you?

• 4:25Speaker 05

  Sorry about that.

• 4:26Speaker 02

  It's all right. Do you know what? It sounds like you're driving, but...

• 4:30Speaker 05

  I am. We're on the way to the new forest.

• 4:34Speaker 03

  I said hello. She loves horses, she can't get enough of horses.

• 4:36Speaker 02

  Sallos. Have you still got your dog and horses?

• 4:41Speaker 05

  Just the dog, not the horses anymore, because we're dealing with all that.

• 4:44Speaker 02

  No, you don't need that in your life, do you? Are you speaking on the phone while you're driving?

• 4:49Speaker 05

  It's on loudspeaker.

• 4:50Speaker 02

  Oh, thank, thank, thankfully for that.

• 4:52Speaker 05

  Not on loudspeaker, no.

• 4:53Speaker 02

  Good, good. And did you choose a time to send this so that you managed to get my call?

• 4:59Speaker 05

  I did. I scheduled it.

• 5:01Speaker 02

  You scheduled it?

• 5:02Speaker 05

  I didn't, I didn't wait, yeah. I didn't wait about a year either. I did it on the day.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  You did it on the day, at 1:00 AM?

• 5:11Speaker 02

  Well, fair...

• 5:11Speaker 05

  Not 1:00 AM, no. 6:00 AM.

• 5:14Speaker 02

  6:00 AM. Oh, it says at 1:00 AM. I don't know. Oh, yeah, it's sent then, but it's then mine's for... Okay, I see, I see. Well, Stephanie, thank you very much for sending...

• 5:24Speaker 05

  I love the show.

• 5:25Speaker 02

  Did you think when you left your phone number at the bottom that we'd use it?

• 5:30Speaker 05

  I always have it signed. And I thought, I'll leave it, just in case.

• 5:35Speaker 02

  Just in case. Was there any part of you that thought it was going to be me?

• 5:41Speaker 05

  Isn't it always you?

• 5:42Speaker 02

  Oh, no, no, I mean, yeah, well, it's always... No, I'm sorry.

• 5:45Speaker 03

  No, she hoped it was me.

• 5:47Speaker 02

  When you saw my...

• 5:47Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:48Speaker 02

  When you saw the number come up?

• 5:49Speaker 05

  No. I didn't think I'd be this lucky.

• 5:52Speaker 03

  What's her beef with you then, Josh? You're letting her off the hook here.

• 5:56Speaker 02

  So Rob wants to know what's your issue with me?

• 5:59Speaker 05

  I have no issue with Arthur.

• 6:02Speaker 03

  In the email, it sounded like...

• 6:03Speaker 02

  So you're hanging your son out to dry?

• 6:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:08Speaker 02

  Okay, fine, fine. Well, have fun in the new forest, Stephanie, and we will speak to you soon. Well, we won't.

• 6:15Speaker 05

  I look forward to listening.

• 6:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, you've heard it now. Bye.

• 6:21Speaker 03

  Bye.

• 6:21Speaker 05

  See ya. Bye.

• 6:24Speaker 02

  That's a weird anecdote she's got there, isn't it?

• 6:26Speaker 03

  Very strange. Oh, she really crumbled. That was like troll hunting live, all a bit of a laugh on the email, but once she once she excused the pun, confronting the horse, it was at the horse's mouth. She loves horses. She's got... So she's got rid of a horse.

• 6:40Speaker 02

  No horses.

• 6:41Speaker 03

  It's weird how you can sell a horse but not a dog, isn't it?

• 6:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, true.

• 6:45Speaker 03

  Isn't it? Like, because you've got, what happened to those horses? Oh, I sold them.

• 6:50Speaker 02

  If you said, I said what you've been up to this week, and you said, we've sold our dogs, it would be so...

• 7:00Speaker 03

  That could actually, like, get me cancelled. That would be headline news, like, he's sold a dog.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, we just, do you know what?

• 7:06Speaker 03

  We sold the dogs.

• 7:08Speaker 02

  We then got that long left, so we wanted to get some profit out of them before we, you know...

• 7:13Speaker 03

  And you know, life's got a bit busier, so it's a bit of a pain in the arse sorting them all out, so we just sold the dogs.

• 7:21Speaker 03

  Horses, fine. I've just sold my horse. Good decision, actually, yeah, because they're a bit of a drain on cost and effort. It's a good decision. You don't even have to walk a horse. Just have a big field.

• 7:31Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 7:31Speaker 03

  You have to walk, you do sort of, you ride a horse, you know, you know, anyway.

• 7:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, but if they're in a field, I don't think you have to ride, you don't have to ride a horse. It's not like you go, that horse needs riding.

• 7:43Speaker 03

  No, as long as the field's big enough, you don't need to ride a horse, I imagine.

• 7:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think so.

• 7:48Speaker 03

  Having a horse, is that a pet?

• 7:51Speaker 02

  No.

• 7:51Speaker 03

  Like, what category is it under? Because, because I...

• 7:55Speaker 02

  I think a pet, does a pet need to live in your house?

• 7:59Speaker 03

  Good chap, good chap. Not on your land.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  Not on your land, yeah. What if it's like a tortoise or something in your garden?

• 8:06Speaker 03

  Because if you, if you did love your horse and treat it like a pet, the same way you loved your cats, right?

• 8:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:12Speaker 03

  And you love your horse, your horse passes away, do you get the ashes and put it in a giant jar on a shelf?

• 8:19Speaker 02

  Who was I talking to about this? Literally had this conversation two weeks ago.

• 8:23Speaker 03

  Frankie De Torre? John McRueck? No? That bloke of Love Island, Chris Hughes? Michael Owen, Gemma Rowan? I'm going through all my...

• 8:31Speaker 02

  Did I tell you about my friend Bobby in the clear boarding?

• 8:33Speaker 03

  I'm going through all my, all my horse references there. Paddy Power? Sorry, go on.

• 8:39Speaker 02

  Did I tell you about my friend Bobby in the clear boarding?

• 8:42Speaker 03

  No.

• 8:42Speaker 02

  I just, I can't shake your hand. I've covered in grease. I've just been fixing Giles Brandreth boiler.

• 8:49Speaker 03

  Come on. It's a wanking joke.

• 8:52Speaker 02

  Sorry. It's not a wanking joke. She's been fixing Giles Brandreth boiler. She said it was running so hot.

• 8:59Speaker 03

  Why, is Claire white?

• 9:01Speaker 02

  Then listen to the next slide. She said it was running so hot, you could boil vegetables in a swimming pool.

• 9:12Speaker 03

  Well, we had that problem in our house where it was going south because the thermostat had broken in the tank. So we had to get a new thermostat.

• 9:19Speaker 02

  Did you call around Claire Borden?

• 9:21Speaker 03

  No, I did actually. No, she wasn't available. I got Sandy Tosfig instead.

• 9:26Speaker 03

  I went like for like, you know what I mean?

• 9:29Speaker 02

  So.

• 9:29Speaker 03

  It's like subbing, you know, Martin Lee for Trossard, that kind of, you know, instinctive, pacey winger.

• 9:34Speaker 02

  It's not a tactical change.

• 9:36Speaker 03

  Hmm. We still set up the same way to deal with the issue, but we're just using a different personnel, even though the same tactics have been deployed.

• 9:44Speaker 02

  Yeah. So, um.

• 9:47Speaker 03

  Oh dear. So what are we talking about?

• 9:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, a dead horse.

• 9:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, go on.

• 9:51Speaker 02

  So like, they said to whoever it was, I can't remember who was telling us, do you want the ashes? And it was like, you know, a hundred kilos of ashes or whatever.

• 10:02Speaker 03

  It can't be a hundred kilos of ashes.

• 10:04Speaker 02

  But it's like a, you know.

• 10:05Speaker 03

  How, how heavy is the ashes of a horse?

• 10:08Speaker 02

  It'd be a load of bins worth of ashes. Do you know what I mean?

• 10:11Speaker 03

  Oh, I feel like we're talking about this quite disrespectfully because if we were talking about the cats, like we're talking about horses. But again, people sell horses.

• 10:17Speaker 02

  I know, I know. It's awful. No, this is hypothetical. Anyway, apparently the worst thing.

• 10:23Speaker 03

  I'm just, I'm just finding out the, the weight of it. Um, the ashes after the cremation of an average horse weigh around 15 to 25 kilograms. I'd get it put in a fucking kettlebell.

• 10:34Speaker 02

  Well, it's massive as well. It's massive.

• 10:36Speaker 03

  The 25, 25 kilogram dumbbells and then you could.

• 10:39Speaker 02

  Just think how light ashes is, Rob. Think how much ashes that is.

• 10:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, that'd be like your mourning and gains.

• 10:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course, of course.

• 10:48Speaker 03

  Of course. Grief and grind. Grief and pump.

• 10:51Speaker 02

  Apparently this is grim, Rob, but this is countryside chat.

• 10:54Speaker 03

  Okay. You're not countryside though. You're actually, you're quite close to the city centre, aren't you?

• 10:57Speaker 02

  No, but my mum was telling me about a dead, when they had a dead horse.

• 11:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, right.

• 11:01Speaker 02

  And they come and get it. Obviously the horse is so heavy. They have to attach stuff to its feet and then like crane it off.

• 11:10Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 11:11Speaker 02

  Cause obviously you can't pick up a horse.

• 11:13Speaker 03

  No, that's, that's one of the most famous sayings.

• 11:17Speaker 02

  You can pick up a penguin.

• 11:24Speaker 03

  Have I told you about the dead deer on a sled?

• 11:27Speaker 02

  No. Oh God.

• 11:28Speaker 03

  So where we live, there's a gate near where our house is to a field that a neighbour owns.

• 11:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:34Speaker 03

  When we were getting building work, we were parking in front of that gate, but if.

• 11:37Speaker 02

  Just got to get my lid. I'm still listening.

• 11:40Speaker 03

  Your lid?

• 11:41Speaker 02

  Just to keep my table.

• 11:44Speaker 03

  Right, okay.

• 11:44Speaker 02

  I'm back.

• 11:45Speaker 03

  You're back. So when we were getting some building works done, we were parking in front of it because we couldn't park on where we needed to park. So it was blocking that. But to be fair, my neighbour doesn't get there that often, but there was a guy that hunts deer.

• 11:56Speaker 02

  Right.

• 11:56Speaker 03

  He needed to get to, and he messaged me. He went, I need to have access to the field. And I said, I'm really sorry, but we are, we're like out for the day and we're not going to come back. I apologise. I should have moved it. It shouldn't be there. I'm sorry. Well, I'm gonna have to get.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  Sorry, start again. Start. I don't understand what's happening. Why does he get access?

• 12:13Speaker 03

  I'd gone out, I'd blocked, I'd blocked a gate, my neighbour's gate, and my neighbour gets a deer hunter in now and again, right? Cause there's loads of deer and you're allowed to hunt deerly, whatever, right? I don't do this, goes on.

• 12:22Speaker 02

  Why do you want to hunt deer?

• 12:23Speaker 03

  I don't want to hunt deer.

• 12:25Speaker 02

  Oh, right.

• 12:25Speaker 03

  I quite like them, but it happens, doesn't it? It's the countryside.

• 12:28Speaker 02

  Right.

• 12:29Speaker 03

  I've blocked the gate basically, and I shouldn't have. My fault. Normally I'm in or someone's in, so we move the car so he can drive onto the land that's not ours, someone else's.

• 12:38Speaker 02

  Right.

• 12:39Speaker 03

  He texts, I went, we're all out. No one's back till later. And he goes, well, I'm, he goes, I'm gonna have to get the sled out. I'm like, okay then. I was just like, well, I don't know what that means. Is that like a special, I didn't know if that was like a machine that lifts my car. I don't give a fuck. Is that some sort of special countryside machine that lifts the car so you can get in? Anyway, don't think anything of it. Two hours later. So that was the next, so it was early in the morning, we were away because he said, can you move it for the morning? Can you normally text like before, but I couldn't. 6am, my ring doorbell goes off, like, but by movement, right?

• 13:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:09Speaker 03

  And it's a cold, frosty, foggy day.

• 13:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:12Speaker 03

  And you see a man dragging a child's snow sledge along with the corpse of a deer on it.

• 13:18Speaker 02

  Jesus fucking Christ. The countryside is mental, isn't it?

• 13:24Speaker 03

  That's why America's so mental, because there's so much more space for this weird shit to go on.

• 13:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:28Speaker 03

  Like UK's all about the countryside rules. It's chaos out there. Cause my dog's brought in the leg of a deer once.

• 13:35Speaker 02

  Well, this is something I want to say, right?

• 13:37Speaker 03

  Get it off your chest.

• 13:38Speaker 02

  And I grew up in the countryside. I live in Devon, so I'm all right to say these things.

• 13:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:42Speaker 02

  You know, when people go, I think it's healthy for people to be exposed to this and know the realities of where their food comes from. I don't.

• 13:53Speaker 03

  Here he goes. Oh no, you don't. No.

• 13:56Speaker 02

  I, I think it makes you fucking weird. I think if you're overexposed.

• 14:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:03Speaker 02

  If you are totally cool.

• 14:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:05Speaker 02

  With dead animals. Not like, I'm not, I don't mean morally, but I mean, if you, if it doesn't.

• 14:10Speaker 03

  If you can sit through it and doesn't impact you, that you're, you should go on a watch list.

• 14:15Speaker 02

  Yeah. I don't think that's made you like, I don't think that's made you a more balanced human. If you're, if you're putting a deer on a sledge.

• 14:23Speaker 03

  You shouldn't be able to, well, if you're comfortable, you should, I don't think you should be able to vote or go on jury service.

• 14:29Speaker 02

  No, exactly.

• 14:30Speaker 03

  You're just taken off the list.

• 14:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:32Speaker 03

  But that, like, that doesn't work, you know? Oh, I don't want to go to China to watch a child make my phone.

• 14:36Speaker 02

  No, exactly.

• 14:37Speaker 03

  I just want the phone to arrive in Bolivia.

• 14:39Speaker 02

  Exactly. In Bolivia?

• 14:41Speaker 03

  I don't know if that can stay in. Bolivia. No, oblivious.

• 14:45Speaker 02

  All right.

• 14:47Speaker 03

  What do you call the guy that went to Bolivia on holiday by mistake? Bolivia.

• 14:51Speaker 02

  There we go. There we go. Here we go. Yeah.

• 14:54Speaker 03

  Yeah? You like that? Kind of fun.

• 14:57Speaker 02

  If you've given it 10 minutes, I might have forgotten where we were going. But yeah.

• 15:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, a hundred percent. No, that had to be done immediately after to still be deeply poor.

• 15:07Speaker 03

  But serviceable. Oh, so talk about countryside. You might know this as a countryside person. Is that a countryside special? Two questions.

• 15:14Speaker 02

  You should have chatted about this in the course.

• 15:16Speaker 03

  Well, well, two, I think I, I think I had these questions after.

• 15:19Speaker 02

  Right.

• 15:20Speaker 03

  So actually I've got three questions about the countryside.

• 15:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:22Speaker 03

  Question one, baby, I've got obsessed with those baby cucumbers. You know, they sell in the shops.

• 15:28Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:29Speaker 03

  Tiny little cucumbers. It's basically cucumbers without all the wet.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  So I don't know the answer to this. Is your question, are these a different breed or they just taken early?

• 15:39Speaker 03

  Yes, that's the question. And I love them. And I've been chomping them like nobody's business.

• 15:44Speaker 02

  I think they're a different breed because I think if they were taken early, they wouldn't be, because they're actually softer than a normal cucumber, I think.

• 15:52Speaker 03

  No, they're not. They are fucking crisp. Le- less wet inside.

• 15:57Speaker 02

  Less wet inside.

• 15:59Speaker 03

  Also, I think I might be growing the biggest chilies.

• 16:01Speaker 02

  There's an incredible amount of water in a cucumber, isn't there? We all know this.

• 16:05Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, it's like 96%.

• 16:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:08Speaker 03

  Ninety, I cannot believe a cucumber is 96% water and most of it is green.

• 16:13Speaker 02

  I know, it's mental. And it's holding itself together.

• 16:16Speaker 03

  It's whole. We could take some advice from this guy. How's he keeping himself together? It's all water.

• 16:21Speaker 02

  It's 96% water.

• 16:23Speaker 03

  And it's, and she, let's not.

• 16:25Speaker 02

  And she.

• 16:26Speaker 03

  Let's not let the patriarchy take cucumbers.

• 16:28Speaker 02

  So if you were thirsty, could you eat a cucumber and you'd be fine?

• 16:32Speaker 03

  In China, they walk around in really humid places, just chomping a whole one.

• 16:36Speaker 02

  What do you mean? Hello?

• 16:38Speaker 03

  So they sell big, long cucumbers that the Chinese tourists walk around just eating as food and a refreshing, rather than drinking loads of water.

• 16:47Speaker 02

  I think they're the number one vegetable with kids. I don't know many kids that don't like cucumbers.

• 16:53Speaker 03

  But I like, anyway, I'm obsessed with the baby cucumbers. They are.

• 16:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're great. They're great.

• 16:57Speaker 03

  Shall I show what my little, I've been eating sourdough toast.

• 17:00Speaker 02

  I don't want to see a baby cucumber.

• 17:03Speaker 03

  Sourdough toast, marmite, cheddar cheese, little bit of mayo on top, and I bite into that. And then as I'm eating that, I chomp on a baby cucumber.

• 17:12Speaker 02

  What a fucking weird thing to say.

• 17:14Speaker 03

  I love it.

• 17:15Speaker 02

  Why didn't you just put the baby cucumber? So sorry, you say as you bite into it. So are you kind of putting it in the mouth at the same time, one hand of each?

• 17:23Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no. So I eat the toast with the, the butter, marmite, cheese and mayo on, in.

• 17:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:30Speaker 03

  Sort of one chew, then I'll take a bite like I'm eating a carrot like Roger Rabbit.

• 17:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:35Speaker 03

  Of the cucumber. Hmm. And then.

• 17:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:38Speaker 03

  What I can do is if the cucumber starts going before the sourdough and the cheese is gone, another chomp.

• 17:44Speaker 02

  Wow. Wow.

• 17:45Speaker 03

  So I'm having four baby cucumbers with two slices of toast and two cucumber per slice.

• 17:50Speaker 02

  There we go. Get this clip out there. Park our fucking tanks on Gamble and Aircaster's lawn.

• 17:55Speaker 03

  Second countryside question.

• 17:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:58Speaker 03

  Where do you buy the fleeces that have the leather ribbed bits around?

• 18:05Speaker 02

  Right. Have you ever been to a, have you ever been to these places that sell like outdoorsy clothes?

• 18:11Speaker 03

  No.

• 18:12Speaker 02

  Oh, right. You, oh, Rob.

• 18:14Speaker 03

  I've been to Blacks, Trespass, North Face.

• 18:17Speaker 02

  No, no, no. So they're all on the high street.

• 18:20Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 18:20Speaker 02

  So they'll be placed near you. There's one near us called Mole Valley Farmers, right?

• 18:25Speaker 03

  Are you bobbling, are you bouncing your leg by the way?

• 18:28Speaker 02

  Oh, sorry. Yeah.

• 18:29Speaker 03

  Oh no, it's just your camera was wiggling. I didn't want to go in.

• 18:30Speaker 02

  Oh, sorry.

• 18:31Speaker 03

  Or earthquake next to it.

• 18:33Speaker 02

  So they, so you get these places, they're like huge.

• 18:37Speaker 03

  Do they have wheelbarrows out the front for sale?

• 18:39Speaker 02

  Warehouses. And they'll sell your riding clothes.

• 18:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:45Speaker 02

  Your wax jackets and then your fleeces.

• 18:50Speaker 03

  Cause there's a little leisure wear spin off almost, isn't there?

• 18:53Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then they'll maybe sell cheap jeans that you'd wear on the farm and then maybe steel toe cap boots or something. They sell all the stuff that people in the country wear in these special shops. So there'll be one near you.

• 19:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:08Speaker 02

  Maybe you could film a, a thing where you go to, like Michael Barrymore does his filming, where he goes to shop.

• 19:14Speaker 03

  Well, maybe not like that, but yeah, I could go there and film.

• 19:18Speaker 03

  But maybe I'll do it. Yeah, because what it is, it's an outfit.

• 19:21Speaker 02

  He's got five million followers.

• 19:23Speaker 03

  In Michael Barrymore.

• 19:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's blown up.

• 19:25Speaker 03

  Wow. Yeah, no, he's big on TikTok. He goes to, he's got a little battalion greyhound. He goes to Barcelona. Have you seen him cook that burger where it seems like he may, what's the right way to put this? He makes a burger in the way that, imagine a teenage stoner would make a burger.

• 19:41Speaker 02

  Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:43Speaker 03

  Anyway, I find that the farmers.

• 19:46Speaker 02

  So you go to these farm shops and they've got all their special clothes.

• 19:50Speaker 03

  But it's clothes that they don't need. Some of those clothes they need to farm, these are outfits they wear to tell everyone they are a farmer.

• 19:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, the other fashion stuff. So it's the stuff.

• 20:00Speaker 03

  Like the Clarkson's Farms Choir outfits.

• 20:03Speaker 02

  Right, I've never seen Clarkson's Farms Choir. I know you met them last week. Had you seen them before that?

• 20:08Speaker 03

  Big boots, big, strong denim, sort of, patiny.

• 20:13Speaker 02

  Mate, I'll tell you what they'll sell, padded check shirts.

• 20:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, and then that's that gilet with the leather ribbed, no sleeves, yeah.

• 20:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's a shop that will be near you because you live in the countryside. That will be fucking massive and it will smell. And it will sell all of that stuff.

• 20:37Speaker 03

  Right, I need a day out there. Next time you're up in London, let's go to one.

• 20:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, and to be honest, and you'll also buy stuff like Biltong or something like that. Do you know what I mean?

• 20:48Speaker 03

  And they'll have buckets, just big buckets.

• 20:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, and it'll smell of like sugar beet. Is that what they call it?

• 20:55Speaker 03

  And brooms, brooms.

• 20:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, brooms. It'll sell brooms.

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• 23:05Speaker 03

  Final question on the countryside before we start to talk about parenting.

• 23:10Speaker 03

  I've been going on a lot of sort of public footpath walks because I couldn't do any sport for a couple of weeks, right?

• 23:15Speaker 02

  Right, okay, yeah.

• 23:16Speaker 03

  Where like green chain walks, I think they're called, circular walks, all this, right? There's loads all over the UK. They're great. Sometimes though, when you're a bit off the beaten path, these, they're quite narrow, there's a lot of trees and stuff. I was Googling buying a portable, electric, sort of, chargeable chainsaw. That little one, about that big, not to take out trees, but just to lop off a few branches as I move through. Is that, is that, is that allowed? Is it encouraged? Is it discouraged? Is it illegal?

• 23:48Speaker 02

  I think if there was a murder in the area.

• 23:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:50Speaker 02

  I think it would be wrong for you not to be brought in for questioning at least, bare minimum.

• 23:55Speaker 03

  I'd be a red herring in Broadchurch.

• 23:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:59Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? I'd be the red herring in an ITV crime drama.

• 24:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. I don't think they'd get a conviction, but I certainly think you'd have a terrible 24 hours.

• 24:09Speaker 03

  In the shop, be like, vroom, vroom, run the silhouette of a man marching through the woods at 6am. Vroom, vroom, and it cuts around to go, just clearing a path.

• 24:20Speaker 03

  Hello? So we need to take you down the stage for a question. But I was just trying to clear the path. Yeah, so I don't know what the rules are with that.

• 24:28Speaker 02

  I don't know what the rule is on that, because if you snapped it with your hand, that'd be fine, wouldn't it? Like, we've all broken off a branch or something that's in the way.

• 24:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I don't know if that's allowed either, is it?

• 24:42Speaker 02

  Well, it's a grey area like taking stones from a beach, isn't it? Like, what's the rule on that?

• 24:47Speaker 03

  There's a walk I go on and there is a massive branch being propped up by another branch that at some point is going to land on someone.

• 24:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, you could probably.

• 24:54Speaker 03

  But if I just had a little chainsaw, I could give it a little nip and a tuck and we're safe again.

• 25:00Speaker 02

  So where are you going to stow your chainsaw when you're walking?

• 25:03Speaker 03

  I just get a carabao clip, whatever they're called. Carabao, that's Carabao Cup. What's the, what are they called? What are those, like, rock climbing clips?

• 25:12Speaker 02

  Right, so it'd be hang, and you, does it sheath up?

• 25:15Speaker 03

  I've not really looked. I'm sure there's a covering for it. Or just hold it handheld. It's small, it's a small little fella.

• 25:20Speaker 02

  So when someone asks you for directions, you're just pointing with your.

• 25:24Speaker 03

  Just out there as they run away from it at full speed. You're going the wrong way, mate.

• 25:32Speaker 03

  So yeah, I just, I don't know what the rules are on that, but there's a couple of little trees I'd love to.

• 25:36Speaker 02

  I don't want to go into some bad observational comedy.

• 25:39Speaker 03

  It's never stopped us before, go on.

• 25:41Speaker 02

  You know, when you ask, you kind of know the way and you ask someone for directions.

• 25:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:47Speaker 02

  And you know they've given you the wrong information.

• 25:49Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, and you just carry on going, yeah, yeah, yeah, cool.

• 25:51Speaker 02

  Do you then feel like you have to go in the direction they said?

• 25:55Speaker 03

  Yes, until you're out of eye shot and then you can just, I don't think people ask anymore. People just use their phones, don't they?

• 26:01Speaker 02

  I know. Rose's mum's a big asker of directions when we're out. I'll be looking at my map and she'll be like, let's just ask someone. I'm like, we don't need to talk to someone.

• 26:11Speaker 03

  So I'm, I think I'm having a evolution of that approach. The less I've worked, the, the sort of happier I am to talk to people.

• 26:22Speaker 02

  The less happy you are.

• 26:23Speaker 03

  No, the more happy, so the more I work, and it's just a total social battery that's draining. I'm more chatty when I work less, and I've actually been a little bit more chatty when I'm not just hammering my head with reels.

• 26:36Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 26:37Speaker 03

  Because I'm trying to wean off of reels, of algorithm addiction. So I'm finding it, if when I'm not from here, there and everywhere, I've got a little bit more capacity to talk to people. However, as I've got older, I do, I think I'm quite quick at working out if I've got anything in common with that person. So I, I, if I'm not into it, I know I need to tap out.

• 26:58Speaker 02

  So this happened to me, Rob.

• 26:59Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm, go on.

• 27:00Speaker 02

  So I was coming back from the Isle of Man. No Isle of Man, where did we go? Isles are silly.

• 27:04Speaker 03

  Isles are silly, yeah. Not one Isles, it's in the other Isles, isn't it?

• 27:08Speaker 02

  Exactly, I love her.

• 27:12Speaker 03

  And what's the bloody deal with the Isle? Why isn't it an island?

• 27:21Speaker 02

  You do need to speak to more people. So.

• 27:24Speaker 03

  Did it kick last week?

• 27:26Speaker 02

  We got the boat back, right?

• 27:27Speaker 03

  Yes, because of the weather.

• 27:29Speaker 02

  Car was parked at the helicopter place, because we'd flown there. And then we got dropped by the boat about a mile from the helicopter place.

• 27:38Speaker 03

  Cool.

• 27:39Speaker 02

  And then it was us and there was another family that had gone. And the dad of the other family, who's my friend, he has no nerves about talking to strangers in the way he would just happily talk to strangers.

• 27:53Speaker 03

  Well, in the way of not being shy or enjoys it.

• 27:55Speaker 02

  If me and you were on a boat.

• 27:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:59Speaker 02

  And we were worrying about how we were going to get to the heliport, we'd probably keep it to ourselves. He would say, are you on the helicopter to the person? Oh, okay, what are you doing about? Do you know what I mean?

• 28:11Speaker 03

  Right, he would just wander around chatting, yeah.

• 28:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, and solve a lot of the problems that we wouldn't solve because we don't talk to people.

• 28:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:18Speaker 02

  And he said, I've just been speaking to these people and they are being picked up from the boat. They can drop you to the heliport.

• 28:28Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 28:29Speaker 02

  So just you, and then you'll get your car and then you can come back and you can collect your family.

• 28:34Speaker 03

  Oh, so you and him can get in the car with them?

• 28:36Speaker 02

  No, just me, because there wasn't room for him. I'm then going to pick him up with my family. He can get his car and he can go back and get his family.

• 28:45Speaker 03

  Why doesn't he go first?

• 28:46Speaker 02

  Well, going first is the bonus because you don't have to stand outside the boat for 20 minutes.

• 28:53Speaker 03

  Right, but also going first means you have to sit in a car with strangers.

• 28:57Speaker 02

  But he told me that in front of these people.

• 29:00Speaker 03

  So he said, is it a bonus on, so has he pretended to do a good thing?

• 29:04Speaker 02

  No, he thinks I've done a nice thing here, and he has.

• 29:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, but he hasn't really though, has he?

• 29:09Speaker 02

  Well, in his world, it's fine. Why would I have a problem?

• 29:12Speaker 03

  It's only a couple of minutes down the road as well.

• 29:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, so suddenly I'm getting a car with some people I don't know.

• 29:21Speaker 03

  Some lovely people, generous strangers.

• 29:23Speaker 02

  Some lovely people. It was an old couple being picked up by their daughter.

• 29:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:29Speaker 02

  And then I get in the front and I'm like, thank you for this. And then they drove me to the heliport.

• 29:32Speaker 03

  Did you tip them? Did you give them a drink?

• 29:35Speaker 02

  I didn't tip them. This is not my, this is not my bag, being in a stranger's car.

• 29:41Speaker 03

  I know, it's not. It's, I would have, I would have, before I was sort of known on the TV, I would have been a bit more fine with that.

• 29:50Speaker 02

  Yes, yeah, totally.

• 29:52Speaker 03

  But I get a bit anxious and panicky now because I feel like they know too much about me already.

• 29:57Speaker 02

  Because also there's a good chance they don't know who I am.

• 29:59Speaker 03

  Or give a shit.

• 30:00Speaker 02

  Or give a shit.

• 30:01Speaker 03

  Absolutely. Couldn't give a shit or no, yeah.

• 30:02Speaker 02

  Yeah. So it's not like you can address the situation either.

• 30:07Speaker 03

  No, I think.

• 30:07Speaker 02

  You can't get in the front with the daughter and go, I know, insert name here, you've seen it.

• 30:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, let's go. Yeah.

• 30:15Speaker 02

  Yes, I've done one episode of Nevermind the Buzzcocks. Yes.

• 30:18Speaker 03

  But we're apprehensive of strangers, sometimes because we have been cornered in a pub by the cokehead. So we are, we're overly cautious. When most people are absolutely lovely and are chilled and don't care.

• 30:30Speaker 02

  And these people were lovely.

• 30:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:33Speaker 02

  But, um, yeah, I, I couldn't say no. I couldn't say no.

• 30:36Speaker 03

  Could you not go, no, you've sorted it out. You go first, mate, to your friend.

• 30:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it didn't play out like that for some reason. I can't remember why, but it didn't play out like that.

• 30:47Speaker 03

  But also it's only a mile up the road. It's not a lot. It's not like, no risk of you getting kidnapped. Did you, did you contemplate asking Rose to go?

• 30:53Speaker 02

  No, I didn't. Cause actually, standing outside the boat was definitely worse. Also, Rose can't drive back.

• 31:03Speaker 03

  Of course, of course. She can't reverse, can she? Famously, only forwards.

• 31:07Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 31:08Speaker 03

  Anyway, um, what the fuck?

• 31:10Speaker 02

  What's happening now?

• 31:11Speaker 03

  So, okay, I've got another, I've got an email. It's just really distracting me. Oh, no.

• 31:15Speaker 02

  What's happened?

• 31:16Speaker 03

  So I actually pressed for Tempting Fortune, the reality show on Lancowee.

• 31:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:22Speaker 03

  He said I got bullied by monkeys.

• 31:24Speaker 02

  What?

• 31:25Speaker 03

  It's gonna be in the Mirror tomorrow and the leading story will be about the monkeys on the island.

• 31:30Speaker 02

  You what? Sorry?

• 31:32Speaker 03

  They're just writing a story about my, the monkeys were bullying me a bit on the island.

• 31:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, but we covered that in this.

• 31:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, but it's gonna be, well, they asked me, I did PR for it and they asked about it. And now in the Mirror is gonna be a story about me and the monkeys.

• 31:47Speaker 03

  So now I imagine I was like a throwaway, I'm gonna have like the monkey fucking charities on my case saying that they're not bullies.

• 31:54Speaker 02

  Oh God. So what was your email?

• 31:57Speaker 03

  Well, the, the, the subject was the Mirror pictures of monkeys.

• 32:01Speaker 02

  What, have they got?

• 32:02Speaker 03

  Hi, I hope you have a nice weekend. Someone so has done interview for the Mirror. The, the leading story will be about monkeys on the island. I mean,

• 32:11Speaker 03

  I mean, I was supposed to be doing PR for the show. I'm just checking with our pictures team if you have any imagery of them, but it doesn't look like we have it from our asset portal. Would Rob be comfortable sharing a pic or two he got of the monkeys?

• 32:23Speaker 02

  You've got to.

• 32:24Speaker 03

  No worries. If not, I know it's podcast day, so I understand if he's busy. I do, I mean, I do. I think I've got pictures of monkeys.

• 32:30Speaker 02

  Why don't you really badly Photoshop a picture of you and a monkey and send it back and see if they use it?

• 32:40Speaker 03

  Well, I've got it just on my lap, like Michael Jackson.

• 32:45Speaker 02

  Just your face stuck on the picture of Michael Jackson.

• 32:49Speaker 03

  Also, has he got a photo of Rob and the monkeys? Like, not together.

• 32:56Speaker 03

  I might have some fun, I might have a photo of like, a monkey. But not, not like posing. They were chasing me, the little, the grey ones.

• 33:08Speaker 03

  But the black ones are quality. The black ones are well chilled.

• 33:11Speaker 02

  Too late, too late, mate.

• 33:12Speaker 03

  I'll send you the photo of the black monkey. Or, or should I just, I'll just put loads of photos of monkeys on the Instagram rather than give it to the, they're the good monkeys. You see that monkey? Right, anyway. Sorry. I'm so easily distracted. It's terrible. I can't get anything done.

• 33:25Speaker 02

  Go, send that to Danny.

• 33:26Speaker 03

  Well, that, but that's the nice monkey. I don't want people thinking them, the ones that are bullying me.

• 33:31Speaker 02

  Oh, right, yeah.

• 33:33Speaker 03

  Cause it's like.

• 33:34Speaker 02

  When does Tempting Fortune start? Do a plug.

• 33:36Speaker 03

  Oh, Tempting Fortune, starting in September the 22nd. Twenty.

• 33:45Speaker 03

  Tempting Fortune, 22nd, I think.

• 33:48Speaker 02

  That's all right. Watch on channel four dot com.

• 33:51Speaker 03

  Tempting Fortune, Channel Four, September the 22nd at nine thirty PM on Channel Four.

• 33:58Speaker 02

  There we go.

• 33:59Speaker 03

  There you go, indeed.

• 34:00Speaker 02

  Rob, tomorrow night is the launch of Strictly. The launch show is out.

• 34:04Speaker 03

  Oh, is that, is that out this Saturday then? So tomorrow?

• 34:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:08Speaker 03

  Oh, right. Okay, right. This is big. Let's stop talking about me and my monkeys, right? And start talking, this is.

• 34:13Speaker 02

  So my daughter wants people round to watch it. What would you do?

• 34:17Speaker 03

  Oh, oh God. Oh God. This is so hard. Cause I cannot bear to watch myself back in anything I do. But you can't force that sort of weird reaction on your children who are obviously just doing it in a brilliant celebratory theme.

• 34:31Speaker 02

  But my view is, and I know this is bad, if she has lots of friends round, they're not gonna watch it. They're gonna lose interest. Before you know it, they're upstairs chasing each other.

• 34:45Speaker 03

  I think you just go with the flow and go, yep, invite people around if you want and we'll have a little watch party. You can stand in the kitchen, have a drink or a chat while people are watching it. Also, it's the pre-recorded launch show. So you're gonna look the best you'll look ever, cause it's not live and there's no, everything's been put together brilliantly. And then you can avoid having to have watch parties, cause you're gonna be filming it when it's on anyway.

• 35:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course, of course. So should, should I do a watch party?

• 35:11Speaker 03

  It's live. So you're, so I just think, take your medicine, almost do it as like, let me process, watch it. But like, try and not react to it as you're watching it. And it just exists of something you've done.

• 35:22Speaker 02

  Oh my God, I feel physically, I feel so nervy. It's so weird.

• 35:29Speaker 03

  So I think, watch it with her, let it be an amazing experience. Let her invite her friends, have fun. And look at it as a sort of challenge to try and detach yourself as Josh the dad from Josh on the TV. So I think it could be really fun to do that. And then you go, this is the real me, this is who I am. That is my television version that's very close to me, but it's me at work. This is me existing.

• 35:52Speaker 02

  The one in the TV is not the real version. I thought that was, that's the real me, the one on the.

• 35:57Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no. You're at home in your safe place.

• 36:01Speaker 02

  Real me, the one that's on the TV.

• 36:03Speaker 03

  You're at home in your safe place. The real me's up there, chatting for his life. And now I have to sit with all you losers all weekend.

• 36:14Speaker 03

  Get me to the live show. None of this pre-recorded bollocks. I'm gonna be there, live in the room, feeling the energy come back through me.

• 36:21Speaker 02

  Oh my word.

• 36:22Speaker 03

  I think it'll be good opportunity.

• 36:24Speaker 02

  Are you in on Saturday night, Rob?

• 36:25Speaker 03

  I am on Saturday, I am in on Saturday night, actually. We'll, we'll have it on. Full support mode activated.

• 36:31Speaker 02

  Does it clash with, clash with Forest v Coventry?

• 36:34Speaker 03

  Let's see what matches are, let's see what we're up against. I think Strictly is gonna sort of beat the, beat the ratings war on Saturday, man.

• 36:40Speaker 02

  Oh no, I just meant in your house, Rob. Um, so yeah, that's what I'll do.

• 36:44Speaker 03

  Not in a Forest Coventry. I probably won't watch that. No.

• 36:47Speaker 02

  That's, that's where we are.

• 36:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'll definitely be watching. Yeah, I think the plan to deal with it is because.

• 36:53Speaker 02

  Have people round.

• 36:54Speaker 03

  Have people round, make it a fun experience for your daughter and for you, and then use it as an opportunity. Cause when all the press comes out, there'll be good stories, bad stories.

• 37:03Speaker 02

  Well, I'm not gonna read any of that.

• 37:05Speaker 03

  Exactly. But you don't want your ego to be too blown up and you don't want it to be too deflated. But if you watch it, accept that there are two versions of me, the one that has to go out to work and the one that's home. That doesn't mean that the one on screen isn't being authentic. You are, you're being your authentic self there, but you're surrounded by the people you love and all the real stuff's here. And that's just a thing that exists over there. And having that separation.

• 37:26Speaker 02

  So you're sure that when I'm there, they're not the people I love. Graham, the dog father.

• 37:32Speaker 03

  You.

• 37:32Speaker 02

  Danny Dyer, Nikita, Vito.

• 37:37Speaker 03

  That, you've got to accept your truth and.

• 37:39Speaker 02

  Amy Dowden.

• 37:41Speaker 03

  And if, if.

• 37:42Speaker 02

  Sarah, Dame Sarah Story.

• 37:44Speaker 03

  But if you want to be.

• 37:47Speaker 02

  Dave Arch and his band.

• 37:48Speaker 03

  TV Josh. Leave Rose and the kids, move up to London, become a star.

• 37:53Speaker 02

  Move into Elstree, move into Elstree.

• 37:55Speaker 03

  Move into, take on another job. I'm also the, um, the key, key holder here. I lock up, I open up.

• 38:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:03Speaker 03

  I make sure the rooms are empty.

• 38:04Speaker 02

  So there we go. That's my Saturday. That's my tomorrow. I feel thrilled and excited because I loved doing the launch show. And I'm just excited. Do you know what? This is a weird thing. Beforehand, I was really worried about people's criticism. And then you do it and you go.

• 38:26Speaker 03

  Now you're worried about the praise.

• 38:28Speaker 02

  No, but you go, oh, we've done a good job here.

• 38:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:32Speaker 02

  We've done a good job. I'm really proud of what we've done. We are good at this. We will get better, obviously.

• 38:38Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 38:39Speaker 02

  And then actually, it's a bit like, you know, with stand-up, I don't really care about people's criticism because I think I'm good at this, so it's fine.

• 38:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, that, you, you can do the job. People have opinions, like they do on anything, but you know, you can do it. It's up to them if they like it or not, but you can't please everyone.

• 38:55Speaker 02

  Exactly, Rob, exactly.

• 38:59Speaker 07

  It's nineteen ninety-eight, two AM, and you're playing Championship Manager on a tank-sized PC, guiding Yeovil Town to Champions League glory. You're exhausted, but then you say those words, last match, then bed. Welcome to Last Match Then Bed, the new podcast that relives the joy of old school Champ Man. I'm Tom Crane and each week with your help and a celebrity assistant like Joshua Dickham, Nish Kumar or Maisy Adam, we're gonna lead our team to glory, or at least try to. Listen to Last Match Then Bed right now, wherever you get your podcasts.

• 39:35Speaker 07

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• 40:02Speaker 06

  Flowing ad budget on metrics that look great till the CFO sees them? That's bull spend and marketers are calling it out in Dashboard Confessions.

• 40:12Speaker 07

  I remember telling my boss, "It'll be good for the brand", when leads were slow. Yeah, it, it wasn't.

• 40:19Speaker 06

  Cut the bull spend. LinkedIn lets you target by company, job title and more. Advertise on LinkedIn. Spend $250 on your first campaign and get a $250 credit. Go to LinkedIn.com/campaign. Terms and conditions apply.

• 40:36Speaker 02

  Now, shall we do some emails?

• 40:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, here we go. We've got this one from Karen in Wigan. "I'm sorry, I love Josh and this, but three presenters, the BBC",

• 40:50Speaker 03

  "nobody seems to know their role",

• 40:57Speaker 03

  as if it fucking matters. Right, let's do some emails.

• 41:00Speaker 02

  Right, next email. "There's a lot of talk about Blutac, Rob."

• 41:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was a big topic last week, wasn't it, Blutac?

• 41:06Speaker 02

  "I was just listening to the latest episode where you ask if anyone was obsessed with Blutac. It's not really an obsession, however, my oldest daughter, 10 years old, and all her friends love Blutac and even use it at school as a fidget toy. The school allows them to have it in class and the other day, the teacher even said to my daughter, 'You look like you're finding it really hard to concentrate and you're quite fidgety. Here, have some Blutac.'"

• 41:29Speaker 03

  Do you know what's really weird? My daughter came home from school on Thursday with loads of Blutac.

• 41:35Speaker 02

  Here we go.

• 41:36Speaker 03

  So weird.

• 41:37Speaker 02

  "Gave her Blutac to play with in class. They also buy it for each other as birthday gifts, which is a win for me since it's only £1 a pack. Not sure if this is Blutac's intention for its use. Thanks for the laughs, Hannah, North London."

• 41:49Speaker 03

  Have I told you I think I'm psychic?

• 41:51Speaker 02

  No.

• 41:52Speaker 03

  I just get a feeling with something and then stuff happens.

• 41:54Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 41:55Speaker 03

  I've never spoke or thought about Blutac.

• 41:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:58Speaker 03

  And then we did that on Monday. Then my kids come back from school with Blutac. Why then?

• 42:03Speaker 02

  Oh my God, I just, I just put my elbows back. That looks weird, doesn't it?

• 42:10Speaker 02

  Look at my hands. Look at that. Clip that up for socials, Michael. That's...

• 42:15Speaker 03

  I wouldn't use this as a bit on the last leg.

• 42:20Speaker 02

  Look at that.

• 42:23Speaker 02

  Do you know what? Spotify, if you want to get this podcast visualized, I'm doing a lot of the work here. Because if you're listening to this, you don't realise how good this is.

• 42:30Speaker 03

  It looks like someone's behind you with your head. I'll do that again. I don't know.

• 42:39Speaker 03

  It's great.

• 42:40Speaker 02

  Anyway, I'm sorry.

• 42:43Speaker 03

  Right, Blutac.

• 42:44Speaker 02

  Blutac. Yeah, I know, but you know, what's it called where you, um, you just get these huge coincidences in your life? Like, what's that called, Michael?

• 42:54Speaker 03

  Kismus.

• 42:55Speaker 02

  Serendipity.

• 42:56Speaker 03

  Serendipity, yeah.

• 42:57Speaker 02

  Anyway.

• 42:58Speaker 03

  Trust, just trust the universe. Before you know it, you've got a big handful of Blutac. Right, here we go. "Hi, just catching up after the six weeks holidays, listening to the camera on a yoga app where Rob said that one of his girls was charging their iPads and he only had 3% while the other had 8% on the way to the hairdressers. Something I've recently discovered, you can charge from one phone to another using a normal charger, just put the charger ends into each phone and the battery for the one that's got the most charge will charge the other. You're welcome."

• 43:25Speaker 02

  Oh, wow. So you can balance them up?

• 43:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I, I did this in New York. Did I not tell you about this?

• 43:31Speaker 02

  No.

• 43:32Speaker 03

  I went to New York without an adapter, got there, 1am, no charge on my phone dying, had to be up early for a call, like my call time.

• 43:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:42Speaker 03

  My iPad had 100%.

• 43:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:44Speaker 03

  Anyway, so I plugged my phone in to my iPad and it was charging. So I was using the iPad as a power bank and it charged my phone. What I didn't realise was, when it gets to 51%, it switches back.

• 43:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, so it's constantly...

• 43:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, so I woke up in the morning, both dead.

• 44:04Speaker 02

  Because also, crucially, you could have set an alarm on your iPad.

• 44:09Speaker 03

  100%, yeah. Madness. I was just so chuffed for myself and, um, yeah, absolute nightmare. And then I had to go downstairs. It was one of them funky, modern ones where you check in yourself on an iPad. It was 4am because I was jet lagged. I went down, I went, "Can I charge my phone up?" He went, "You're not allowed to take it out of there." I went, "Why not?" He went, "In case someone wants to check in." I was like, "Mate, there's three others. Let me just get some fucking charge, will you?"

• 44:30Speaker 02

  Oh, mate. Oh.

• 44:33Speaker 03

  Right, what's this? "Show Josh the internet. This one I genuinely can't watch all these years later without crying laughing to the point of annoying my family. It kills me every time. New to the pod this year, but it's a must-listen every week." Here we go.

• 44:48Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 44:48Speaker 03

  I've not seen this either, actually.

• 44:50Speaker 05

  Me and Mike have the Star Wars Lego set Death Star, but can you chug a sparkling water and not burp?

• 44:55Speaker 02

  Can you chug a sparkling water and not burp? Okay.

• 45:02Speaker 03

  He's really chugging, isn't he?

• 45:04Speaker 05

  Oh my gosh. What do I do?

• 45:10Speaker 02

  That is good.

• 45:12Speaker 03

  That can't be. That's not real. That's fake. It's set up. I'm sorry. That is shit. Apologies to, um, Ruben who sent that in. That is fake shit. Look at the, look, why would you ever leave that garage open like that? He's done that on purpose. Look, I'm not having it. Sorry. No, actually.

• 45:32Speaker 02

  It's a no, it's a no from Rob.

• 45:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, sorry, Ruben, but that was shit. Please don't ever contact us ever again. Thank you.

• 45:40Speaker 03

  Too harsh?

• 45:42Speaker 03

  Sorry, Ruben, but I just, I've got, as I said, I'm psychic, so I can tell when stuff's fake. That was, um, that was, that was fake.

• 45:49Speaker 02

  Have you ever seen the Ice Bucket Challenge fail?

• 45:53Speaker 03

  What?

• 45:53Speaker 02

  That is a good clip.

• 45:55Speaker 03

  Who, who, which one?

• 45:56Speaker 02

  Well, I don't know how I find it.

• 45:59Speaker 03

  Um, guys, I'll do this way. Ever look. Well, where do you get it for next time? I mean, I'm going to do some research and get some good clips.

• 46:05Speaker 02

  Could someone send the one where some person is about to do the Ice Bucket Challenge and then the kid appears in the background, holding the ice bucket and it's too heavy for them and they tip it over themselves by mistake?

• 46:19Speaker 02

  Could someone send that in, please?

• 46:21Speaker 03

  If you want, that this, now this, if you want someone.

• 46:23Speaker 02

  I've never seen, I've never seen it. I don't know if it exists. I'm just coming up with a funny scenario.

• 46:28Speaker 03

  I'm getting it. No, no, I, I feel bad for Ruben in case, Ruben, if you're like 15 or something and you've sent that in all happy, I apologise. Ruben, if you're an adult man, I stand by what I said. Josh, I've sent you another one. This is a good one of girls burping after chugging Sprite. Have you seen this?

• 46:45Speaker 02

  Oh, chugging, all this chugging.

• 46:48Speaker 03

  This is, this one, "If you like a burp after a fizzy drink..."

• 46:54Speaker 05

  I'm gonna do it. My tummy hurts.

• 46:57Speaker 02

  Oh, I've seen this one. This is a classic.

• 47:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've seen that one. It's a classic.

• 47:07Speaker 03

  It's good, isn't it? Right, okay. "Temporary, permanent. Hey guys, something temporary, permanent in my house. When we, me and my then husband and our son and stepdaughter moved into our new house, we used a hair bobble to keep the baby gate downstairs open. That hair bobble outlasted the marriage."

• 47:27Speaker 02

  Oh my, that's a splendid.

• 47:29Speaker 03

  "We split up and got divorced in 2021 and the hair bobble finally snapped in 2026. Claire, love, North Wales."

• 47:37Speaker 02

  There we go. Lovely. What a lovely sentiment.

• 47:40Speaker 03

  That's a good one. Um, do you want another one?

• 47:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, cheer me up.

• 47:45Speaker 03

  You like that? Well, she's sad.

• 47:47Speaker 02

  I don't hope she was sad, but you know.

• 47:49Speaker 03

  That can't be. This one's, this one's incredible. "Hi Rob, Josh and Michael. Our tumble dryer latch broke, so rather than fix it, we discovered that a random wooden sword the kids had was the exact perfect length to wedge between the dryer and the opposite drawers and keep the door shut. Temporary fix, we thought."

• 48:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:09Speaker 03

  Except that was two years ago.

• 48:14Speaker 03

  It's now so normal, the kids actually shout, "Sorry, I knocked the sword out of place."

• 48:22Speaker 03

  Scroll down, Josh, you can see a photo of it on the, uh, on the email.

• 48:25Speaker 02

  Oh yes, please. This is going on our Instagrams, guys.

• 48:28Speaker 03

  "Nobody questions why there's a sword holding the tumble dryer shut. It's just part of the furniture."

• 48:33Speaker 02

  Oh, wow. That is incredible.

• 48:36Speaker 03

  It's great.

• 48:37Speaker 02

  That is so much better than you'd anticipate.

• 48:39Speaker 03

  It isn't it?

• 48:40Speaker 02

  They left the mobile number, saying, "Because you're hoping for that call." I'm not doing a second one this episode.

• 48:45Speaker 03

  Shall I call them?

• 48:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, go on, Rob.

• 48:46Speaker 03

  I'll call them. I'll send Hannah.

• 48:58Speaker 03

  Oh Hannah, you're gonna be annoyed if you don't answer. You said as casually hoping for that call.

• 49:04Speaker 05

  Hello?

• 49:05Speaker 03

  Oh hello Hannah, it's Rob Beckett here from Parenting Hell.

• 49:09Speaker 05

  Are you serious?

• 49:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, deadly serious. I don't fuck about.

• 49:16Speaker 05

  Is this a joke? Oh my gosh.

• 49:18Speaker 03

  Yes, Hannah, we're ringing to say we absolutely love your wooden sword, temporary fix.

• 49:24Speaker 05

  Oh my, I feel like this is actually a dream. This is not true.

• 49:28Speaker 03

  It is true Hannah.

• 49:29Speaker 05

  Oh, oh my gosh, this is so exciting.

• 49:32Speaker 03

  Um, thank you for sending in the photos, incredible. And is the sword still in action?

• 49:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's still in action, absolutely still in action.

• 49:41Speaker 03

  Are there any plans to fix it?

• 49:44Speaker 05

  I don't think so at this point. I feel like the children are gonna miss it, if I'm honest. So, uh, no, the sword remains.

• 49:49Speaker 03

  The sword remains. Hannah, thank you so much for sending it in. Do you wanna give a shout out to your kids or husband or anything?

• 49:56Speaker 05

  Uh, well, the husband maybe, but kids, yeah, so Hugo, Kit and Hetty. So Hugo's 12, Kit is 8 and Hetty's 7. And Stephen, my husband, I suppose.

• 50:07Speaker 03

  Well, big shout out. Thanks for sending it in. Any questions for me and Josh while you're here, Hannah?

• 50:13Speaker 05

  Ooh, okay, questions. Uh, who, Rob Beckett, this is something I've been intrigued about for a while. Who's your favourite band? Because I feel like you come across as if you're the Stone Island kind of geezer guy.

• 50:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:26Speaker 05

  But I feel like actually you've got some interesting music choices.

• 50:31Speaker 03

  Sorry to dishearten you, but it's Oasis all the way.

• 50:34Speaker 05

  Oh, never mind, eh?

• 50:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'd love to be a bit more deep, Hannah, but yeah, it's pretty much what you see once you get them.

• 50:41Speaker 05

  Okay, sorry. I feel like I should have had a better question.

• 50:43Speaker 03

  No, no, no, it's a fair point. No.

• 50:45Speaker 02

  Well, I enjoyed it. You've always wondered.

• 50:47Speaker 03

  I do quite like the Smiths. They're a little bit more introspective, but still a bit geezer-y. I tell you what, I quite like.

• 50:53Speaker 02

  What's she up, can you all tell me what she's up to? Well, she's just taken this call at one minute to one.

• 50:59Speaker 03

  Well, I'm still talking about my music actually, Josh. I quite like Laura Marling actually, Hannah. Do you like Laura Marling?

• 51:04Speaker 02

  Oh, here we go.

• 51:06Speaker 05

  I don't know who Laura Marling is. I need to look her up.

• 51:09Speaker 03

  Sort of a pretty chilled out, folky kinda vibe. And what are you doing Hannah, by the way, at the moment?

• 51:14Speaker 05

  Um, I am.

• 51:16Speaker 03

  Don't panic, I'm not asking you to go for a drink, just.

• 51:18Speaker 05

  Working, working.

• 51:19Speaker 03

  Where do you work? What do you do?

• 51:21Speaker 05

  Um, I work for a fostering charity.

• 51:24Speaker 03

  Oh, okay, fair enough. Are you at work now, so you don't wanna say social work? Okay, fair enough. It's one of those sort of moralistic jobs.

• 51:31Speaker 05

  Something like that.

• 51:32Speaker 03

  Pretty smuggle yourself, Arthur. Make it a difference. Happy with yourself.

• 51:36Speaker 05

  Not really, no, you know.

• 51:39Speaker 03

  Anyway, keep it up, it was amazing. Thank you very much, Hannah.

• 51:41Speaker 05

  Thank you so much. Okay, bye.

• 51:43Speaker 03

  Cheers, bye.

• 51:44Speaker 02

  Bye. I like this new feature.

• 51:46Speaker 03

  I do. I like the fact that Hannah thought I was sort of really deep.

• 51:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:51Speaker 03

  But I'm not.

• 51:52Speaker 02

  She's really, no.

• 51:53Speaker 03

  I don't know, I'm trying to, if I have to think this hard, then I'm not.

• 51:57Speaker 02

  No, it's fine. You've got, you've got other levels.

• 52:00Speaker 03

  I like sad songs.

• 52:02Speaker 02

  I like sad songs, I cannot lie.

• 52:04Speaker 03

  I do love Oasis though.

• 52:05Speaker 02

  Did you cry, did you consider crying at the documentary?

• 52:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, when they focused on a fucking Japanese scuba diver rather than Manchester-based Oasis fans. I can't connect with Japanese scuba divers, okay? I can connect with a nutty little manqueunian that's off his night outside the ground. That's what I wanted more of. I didn't cry that. I cried during the show though, when Oasis, I cried at the concert.

• 52:28Speaker 02

  Are you going again, Rob?

• 52:30Speaker 03

  I plan to, yes. In, uh, have they announced it yet? Is it announced? They will have announced it by the time this goes out.

• 52:36Speaker 02

  They've kind of announced it, haven't they? They've kind of announced the Etty out and stuff, haven't they?

• 52:40Speaker 03

  The full announcement today, isn't it? Or Monday, when we're recording this.

• 52:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it's kind of happening. And also the Spice Girls, I noticed, have temptingly put out an Instagram, Rob.

• 52:52Speaker 03

  No, they're just releasing some singles, I think.

• 52:54Speaker 02

  Oh, bore off.

• 52:55Speaker 03

  I know.

• 52:57Speaker 02

  Bore off. I don't think a band should be allowed to say, hint at exciting news if it's not a tour or new music.

• 53:06Speaker 03

  No, a hundred percent. But they gotta do it, they gotta do it now.

• 53:10Speaker 02

  No one gives a fuck about reissues.

• 53:14Speaker 03

  No, fair enough. You've said it. You've said it.

• 53:17Speaker 02

  There you go, I said it.

• 53:18Speaker 03

  Um, hi Rob, Josh and Michael. On the subject of weird food habits, as a young teenager, I used to take the mini Cadbury chocolate bars, put them under my armpit until they were molten, then bite a small hole and squirt the melty goodness into my mouth.

• 53:33Speaker 02

  Is that from Tony Mowbray?

• 53:36Speaker 03

  It's a reference to our footballing podcast, if you're interested. A football manager obsessed with chocolate. Have a listen. I also used to bite the chocolate coating off a Milky Way, roll the middle into a ball, then flatten it in the palm of my hand, and polish it on my school trousers before eating.

• 53:53Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 53:55Speaker 03

  I think this might be the first person we've had to do an intervention for.

• 53:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:58Speaker 03

  State sector relatable, Ollie, Harrogate but now living in Avoca, Avoca Beach, New South Wales. Australia. Anyway, Josh, see you next week.

• 54:07Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 54:08Speaker 03

  I've put this top on, this top today, right? This top's supposed to be like a gym top, right? It's making me sweat like a bastard. Is that what they're designed to do, to get it out your body?

• 54:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, gym tops make you sweat more. It's like football tops, they somehow make you sweat more.

• 54:21Speaker 03

  Is it true? Is that what, I thought they'd help with sweat.

• 54:23Speaker 02

  No, football tops are smelly.

• 54:25Speaker 03

  Jesus. Sweating like a bastard, eh?

• 54:28Speaker 02

  See you on Tuesday or Monday, if you like football.