S13 EP12: Andy Parsons

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian - Andy Parsons. See Andy on live on tour with his enw stand-up show Andy Parsons: Please #@!$ Off To Mars Tickets: www.pleasance.co.uk/event/andy-parsons-please-mar Parenting Hell is available to watch on Spotify every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [email protected] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [email protected] A 'Keep It Light Media' Production (Copyright 2026) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

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• 1:00Speaker 02

  This episode is presented by Monzo.

• 1:02Speaker 03

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• 1:37Speaker 02

  Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with...

• 1:40Speaker 04

  Holly. Can you say Rob? Rob? A kit? A kit. Can you say Josh? Guys. Widdicombe? Bucky. Good girl.

• 1:55Speaker 03

  Good girl. There we go. Camilla says, Dear Rob, Josh and Michael, please find attached an audio introduction for my child Holly Renton for your podcast. Clip details.

• 2:07Speaker 02

  Is Renton the surname?

• 2:10Speaker 03

  Well, isn't, yes, it is the surname. Yeah, it's not the name of the Ewan McGregor, I want to say, character in...

• 2:18Speaker 02

  Holly Renton.

• 2:19Speaker 03

  Renton is the main character in Chainspotting. Am I right?

• 2:23Speaker 02

  I think so.

• 2:24Speaker 03

  Clip details, colon, name, colon, Holly Renton. Age, 19 months. Location, North Morton, Oxfordshire. This is, this is an efficient email.

• 2:36Speaker 02

  This is a posh kid. The mum's called Camilla.

• 2:39Speaker 03

  Listener, since the beginning during lockdown and childlessness, we now have our farm-loving daughter Holly, who was thankfully born on a due date, the 8th of December 2024, and not too close to Christmas. My husband often gets told how Josh Widdicombe says this and Rob Beckett says this. Loved seeing Rob at the London Palladium when leaving Holly with her grandparents for the first time. Sorry, Josh, your tickets were all sold out, so we sadly missed you. Best regards, Camilla Renton. Then she's put a mobile number.

• 3:06Speaker 02

  Give her a call.

• 3:07Speaker 03

  Shall I give her a call?

• 3:09Speaker 02

  Shall we?

• 3:14Speaker 02

  She's ringing women called Camilla. Be careful with Camillas.

• 3:21Speaker 05

  It's been forwarded to voicemail.

• 3:22Speaker 02

  Oh, unlucky Camilla.

• 3:24Speaker 05

  Your trying to ring is not available. At the tone, please record your message. When you have finished recording, you may...

• 3:29Speaker 03

  Shall we do a message?

• 3:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:30Speaker 03

  Hi, Camilla, it's Josh Widdicombe. And Rob Beckett. We just read out your email and you'd left your mobile number, so we thought it'd be fun to call you, but you didn't pick up. And now, we've got to bring on Andy Parsons because he's the guest in this episode, so thank you for your support. Good luck with everything. Bye.

• 3:50Speaker 02

  Welcome, Andy Parsons.

• 3:54Speaker 02

  Andy Parsons, welcome to the show.

• 3:55Speaker 06

  Thank you very much.

• 3:56Speaker 03

  We were just talking about the southwest of England, weren't we?

• 3:59Speaker 06

  We were catching up because we've not seen each other for a little while.

• 4:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:01Speaker 02

  A pre-show Cornwall catch-up.

• 4:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:05Speaker 02

  Do you know what's really weird about that? Because I've never went to Cornwall, I think I went once as a kid, never go as an adult. You guys were chatting away. I literally knew no words.

• 4:14Speaker 06

  You said what Flambar is.

• 4:15Speaker 02

  Flambar, lizard, something else.

• 4:17Speaker 06

  Well, we had a section on Mock the Week about Traigo Mills.

• 4:20Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 4:20Speaker 06

  Yeah, of course.

• 4:21Speaker 02

  I've heard that. I still don't really know what it is.

• 4:23Speaker 06

  It's a southwestern institution.

• 4:26Speaker 02

  Are you from Cornwall?

• 4:26Speaker 06

  So I was born in Dorset and we moved down to Cornwall, so I had a few years in Cornwall.

• 4:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:31Speaker 06

  And then secondary education in Devon. So I've pretty much done, I've got, I've got just Somerset to go, really, and then I'm, I can tickle boxes.

• 4:38Speaker 03

  Are you a football fan, Andy?

• 4:40Speaker 06

  Well, see, Torquay United is the one that's closest to where I grew up, secondary education. So that was the one that I used to pop along to occasionally. Usually only when there was something special happening, if I'm absolutely honest. So we sold the U shop to Man United. And so went along to the benefit for that and for various other bits and pieces. And then, of course, you start, you do Soccer AM or you get invited on to Talk Sport and what have you. And then they're always keen, what's your football club or do you want to talk about? So then I always had to check out exactly how Torquay United were doing. Every time I came on, you know, remember the name of the dog who basically got them a bit of extra time.

• 5:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, you were with this dog.

• 5:16Speaker 02

  What dog?

• 5:17Speaker 06

  A dog called Bryn. And basically, I think they needed a bit of extra time and he bit somebody. They were trying to take a corner and he got a bit close, bit player, and they got a bit of extra time because of the injury and stuff like that. And they scored in the extra time and stayed up and therefore...

• 5:32Speaker 02

  Oh, wow.

• 5:33Speaker 06

  And now the people who took over the club recently were called the Bryn Consortium, named after the dog that bit the player.

• 5:39Speaker 02

  And is that a fact you know or did you panic Google that, thinking Josh might ask you about football?

• 5:45Speaker 06

  That is a fact that is locked in there, having used on Talk Sport on more than one occasion.

• 5:52Speaker 02

  Although, Andy, it's really, because we spent so much time together on Mock the Week, but we was always sideways of a desk. Seeing you front on, waist down, it's quite a picture.

• 6:01Speaker 06

  I've got a memory though of the week of you on the far, the far one once, on the other side. Because you were sometimes, you were often on my side.

• 6:08Speaker 02

  Always as far away as possible, though.

• 6:10Speaker 06

  Yeah, but they wouldn't put you next to me, you see.

• 6:12Speaker 02

  No, there was always a gap.

• 6:13Speaker 06

  Yeah, no, they, that was the way it worked, wasn't it? I was next to Dara, keeping, trying to read his notes, but never quite possible.

• 6:19Speaker 02

  What I've noticed, the first time I did Mock the Week, was how ripped you are and how ripped you still are. You're very muscular, lean and strong looking.

• 6:27Speaker 06

  That's a lovely start, isn't it?

• 6:28Speaker 02

  It is. I just never had you sort of like in that, I'd never really thought about it.

• 6:33Speaker 06

  You'd snuck into my dressing room, you'd got a little glimpse.

• 6:36Speaker 02

  When you'd stand up for the end bit, I'd always think, God, what a great posture he's got.

• 6:39Speaker 06

  If only I could work the cheeks in the same way.

• 6:44Speaker 02

  So you grew up in the southwest, live in London, you've lived in London years now, haven't you?

• 6:47Speaker 06

  I have, yeah. Moved down after university and was in Highbury for years and years and years, right next to the ground. And then got myself a little flat there in the end. And just as they moved to the Emirates, which is basically the end of my road.

• 7:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:01Speaker 06

  And I sold up, you know, find some trees and various other bits and pieces, moved down southwest near the river. And I was very grateful because I'd just completed the contracts and it was the first game of the season. And I had loads of Arsenal supporters pissing in my front garden and I thought, this is the time to move. Our time is absolutely fantastic.

• 7:24Speaker 02

  Well, just before it opened. Now, how many kids you got?

• 7:27Speaker 06

  Two.

• 7:28Speaker 02

  What ages?

• 7:29Speaker 06

  Fifteen and eight.

• 7:31Speaker 02

  Fifteen and eight?

• 7:33Speaker 03

  That's a gap. That's a nice gap.

• 7:35Speaker 06

  Yeah, big gap. Mainly, well, there's a couple of reasons, but mainly because we found the first one extremely tricky.

• 7:40Speaker 03

  Right.

• 7:41Speaker 06

  Yeah, very tricky. And so it was a long time until we got around to having the second one. And only then really, because everybody says that, they say, oh, second one, so much easier than the first. And arguably it is. The trouble is, you've still got the first one.

• 7:56Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 7:58Speaker 06

  So, and then obviously you're willing to believe that the third one would be easier than the second one. But, you know, it's not as easy as not having the third one.

• 8:06Speaker 03

  But you're now about the gap that you left last time.

• 8:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:09Speaker 06

  Yeah, well, often if you've got, people have got three kids and they have one around the first, we had the first one. Their sort of third one is around our sort of second one, as it were.

• 8:18Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 8:19Speaker 06

  So we just basically missed that and the one in the middle.

• 8:21Speaker 03

  You missed out the middle one.

• 8:22Speaker 06

  But the reason partly we did that is because my wife was doing a PhD and she'd had to just interrupt it for the first kid. And then she didn't want to have to interrupt it again because she'd found it really hard to get back to her studies. And the PhD took longer than she was expecting it to take.

• 8:37Speaker 03

  What's a PhD in?

• 8:39Speaker 06

  Now, it's something to do with epidemiology. I couldn't tell you. It's a very niche aspect of HIV. I couldn't tell you exactly what it was.

• 8:48Speaker 03

  Blimey.

• 8:49Speaker 06

  Yeah, but it was supposed to take her five years and in the end, I think it took her closer to seven. So, yeah, that's...

• 8:55Speaker 03

  Blimey. That's seven years dedicated to that.

• 8:58Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 8:58Speaker 02

  That's a tough seven years, isn't it? Just focusing on HIV.

• 9:01Speaker 06

  Yeah, well, now, obviously, Covid was terrible for, for many, many reasons and many, many people, including our profession. But for her, it was the first time that people actually understood what an epidemiologist was.

• 9:14Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 9:15Speaker 06

  And she, she was there in her element. So I was, I was having to look after probably a two-year-old and an eight-year-old at the time. And, yeah, she was, she was there trying to solve Covid, so...

• 9:27Speaker 03

  So fifteen?

• 9:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 9:29Speaker 03

  And eight, did you say?

• 9:30Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 9:31Speaker 02

  Boys and girls?

• 9:32Speaker 06

  Yeah, so we've got one of each, we've got a boy and then a girl. So, yeah, there's one of those that you go, well, that's, you know...

• 9:38Speaker 02

  Full set.

• 9:38Speaker 06

  Well, often you find people, don't they, they've got two boys or two girls and they think, oh, we will have the third because, you know, the chance. And then they get three of each and they go, oh, I should have stuck with the two.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  Are you contemplating a third? Because you've...

• 9:49Speaker 06

  No, absolutely not. No, we did originally, I think, before we'd had kids, we talked about possibly having three. Because my wife's got three and I'm part of a two and it just gives you a slightly different dynamic. If you're falling out with one of your siblings, it's quite nice. You can make up with the other one, sort of. It just seemed to be a slightly nicer dynamic.

• 10:06Speaker 02

  I'm from five and I can confirm it's diminishing returns.

• 10:08Speaker 06

  Yes, okay.

• 10:09Speaker 02

  And I'm low, and that's something I'm going to dig, I'm fourth in the list.

• 10:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah. So you would have not had you.

• 10:14Speaker 02

  Yeah. Skip one.

• 10:18Speaker 03

  And how are you finding it at the moment?

• 10:20Speaker 06

  It's definitely got better. I've got a friend who loves being a parent and he said to me, when, just before I had my first kid, and he goes, oh, it's wonderful, it's the most wonderful thing, and it just gets better and better. And arguably, it does get better and better, but it starts from a really low end.

• 10:41Speaker 06

  We're now, we're now in hopefully quite a nice place. Um, you know, everybody's saying that the fifteen year old will go feral fairly shortly. They said, oh, he'll go feral at thirteen and he didn't. And they said, well, fourteen will be the absolute outside. He'll go feral at fourteen. Hasn't. So.

• 10:58Speaker 03

  Maybe he's just a nice teenager.

• 11:00Speaker 06

  Well, it may be, it may be.

• 11:01Speaker 02

  Can be considered. He's done a great job, but he's a great guy.

• 11:04Speaker 06

  Well, yeah, it may, may not be too much to do with us. Maybe just it's, it's worked out all right. That's what you hope, isn't it?

• 11:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:10Speaker 02

  Because I think eight, my youngest is eight, and I think seven, eight is that turning point where it's really much easier from four. Because on a plane, you can give them an iPad, but then eight, really, they're sort of making their own breakfast.

• 11:23Speaker 06

  I was gonna say, you, you were very restrained, giving them only at four. You definitely, you see flights go at you and there's eighteen months old there and they're going.

• 11:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, we didn't really do it that much. Did you change much of what you did with, you know, it wasn't a giant gap, but there's a bit of a gap.

• 11:35Speaker 06

  It's just a worry, I think. We, we obviously did the, what, what is it? Those classes that you go to, the.

• 11:40Speaker 02

  N C T.

• 11:41Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's it. That's the ones.

• 11:42Speaker 02

  You were a details guy.

• 11:44Speaker 06

  I only managed one out of the six, I think, but my wife was quite keen to go along. And so I went, you know, I think it was largely gigs. It wasn't sort of just laziness. I think.

• 11:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was what yours was working, yeah.

• 11:54Speaker 06

  Um, and, and then for the second one, we did absolutely fuck all, read no books, did nothing, just thought, well, the first one worked out all right. We just, you know, and then that's how it is, isn't it? You're just more relaxed about the whole thing. You've, you've done one, so.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, a lot easier.

• 12:08Speaker 03

  And what's it like with that kind of age gap? Because you get a fifteen, I, you know, your kids are closer than mine in terms of age. And that almost makes them the same generation. But there, I think there's a nice thing where one can almost be like the senior one. But they're not competing as much, maybe?

• 12:27Speaker 06

  It's absolutely joyous at the moment because we've got a, a built in babysitter now, so for the first time. So that's, that's working absolutely great.

• 12:34Speaker 03

  So you would do that? You'd go, we're gonna go out for dinner?

• 12:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, we're still not absolutely confident of going away anywhere too far, but certainly nip down the cinema or the pub and, uh, yeah, no.

• 12:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, because what's it, what about fifteen, sixteen sort of fine, isn't it? I don't know what the rule.

• 12:46Speaker 06

  Well, there's no rules. We did check it out. Age eleven, what the.

• 12:52Speaker 06

  No rules at all. It's very much your discretion. No, no, you can.

• 12:54Speaker 02

  There's no rules. It must be some rules.

• 12:56Speaker 06

  No, no, the, the, the rule is that you, obviously you can't neglect them, but what is neglect is debatable. There's no set rule that you.

• 13:04Speaker 03

  I love this.

• 13:05Speaker 06

  Up until twelve or whatever, you know, you can't do anything, but then twelve's fine. You know, it depends on you, the big circumstances.

• 13:10Speaker 02

  Because also it depends on the kid at twelve, compared to, you know.

• 13:13Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 13:13Speaker 02

  But it's all just, it all depends on the definition of neglect.

• 13:16Speaker 06

  Yeah, I think, well, yeah, it's, it's along those lines anyway.

• 13:19Speaker 02

  I can't wait to see your news doc.

• 13:20Speaker 06

  Yeah, trying to defend it. We thought it'd be absolutely fine. We were in Tenerife and they were in Surrey. What could go wrong?

• 13:28Speaker 02

  It would be neglectful to deprive my poor wife of a holiday after all she did in lockdown.

• 13:33Speaker 06

  Exactly.

• 13:34Speaker 03

  So, uh, what would your contact be? Your kid's got, your fifteen year old's got a phone and he could phone you.

• 13:41Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:42Speaker 03

  Oh, that sounds good, doesn't it?

• 13:43Speaker 06

  Yeah, nice times to look forward to.

• 13:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:46Speaker 06

  So that.

• 13:46Speaker 03

  And has he got, how much authorities he got over the eight year old?

• 13:50Speaker 06

  Uh, they're, they're actually much better when we're not there. You know, not that we spar on them through the camera and work out, you know, exactly what's going on. But by all accounts, where, you know, he never seems to have any of the problems with our daughter that we sometimes have with our daughter.

• 14:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:03Speaker 06

  You know, sometimes she'll play us up at bedtime or whatever, and she always seems to be very good for me. I don't know what it is, what he bribes her with or whatever, but they, they, they always seem to, uh, it was, it's so far. All of that, you know, touching a bit of, uh, whatever's important. But yes, it's all worked out very nicely so far. He would argue that, um, it's actually tougher. Uh, because he, he's been prevented from doing some things. If she was a closer age range, we could do more together. We think it, it actually works quite nicely often, uh, because it means that we can separate them and one do one thing and one do the other. So. For his birthday recently, this is, this is when it's getting, starting to get good, went to Twickenham for the prem final. That's what he wanted to do for his birthday. Uh, Exeter, well, he's, he's an Exeter Chiefs supporter.

• 14:45Speaker 03

  Is he?

• 14:45Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah. So he, he, he got his little Exeter finger out and giving it all of that and his little Exeter hat.

• 14:51Speaker 02

  Oh, they're lost.

• 14:51Speaker 03

  Just calls them fingers and hats.

• 14:52Speaker 06

  Well, it was, it was a moment, it was midway through the second half where they took the lead and it was all looking good. Uh, and then, yeah, a couple of tries towards the end and it ran away with it. But yes, so, you know, we were actually looking at Sandy Park. Every time we go down the M five. See Sandy Park, the Exeter Chiefs grand from the M five. And, uh, so we're gonna have a little pilgrimage there for the first time.

• 15:10Speaker 03

  Why does he support Exeter because of where you're from?

• 15:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah. So he said, well, you know, what's the local side? And I said, then I had a friend who used to do P R for the Exeter, Exeter Chiefs when they were just sort of getting into the prem.

• 15:20Speaker 03

  And your fifteen year old, then does that mean he's just done his mocks or something?

• 15:23Speaker 06

  He's, well, the, this is the thing, he's done his mock mocks.

• 15:26Speaker 03

  What sort of?

• 15:26Speaker 06

  Exactly. Never, never, mocks was like, we had doing February marks, didn't you? And then you had two months to actually cram because you realised you hadn't done enough work in your mocks. Now, his school, state school, they, the, so he's just finishing year ten, in February, they did mock mocks. So they actually did them a year earlier.

• 15:45Speaker 02

  The mock in the mocks? Your mock of the week is mocking the mocks?

• 15:47Speaker 06

  That's it. And, um, so they, you know, I guess you have less of a panic because you realise in year ten that you've actually not done any work.

• 15:55Speaker 03

  Right, yes.

• 15:55Speaker 06

  And then the idea is you can spread out that workload. I don't think it's worked for him. I think it just. It's like, oh, look, I've still got a year, I still have to do it.

• 16:03Speaker 02

  That was February. He's done them. He done them in February and then he's doing some mocks now?

• 16:07Speaker 06

  No, so they, they have given him stuff over the holidays to do. Yeah, you know, which is supposed to, which is, I'm pretty certain I never did. Um, and so, yeah, we, we basically wait until February of next year and then that was, that was the panic, uh, generally.

• 16:19Speaker 02

  So they do exams in February now?

• 16:21Speaker 06

  So the mock exams, he'll have the mock exams in February.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  Oh, so he did mock mocks in February twenty sixth, then the mocks in February twenty seven, then the exams in May, right?

• 16:31Speaker 03

  Blimey.

• 16:31Speaker 02

  And is he, um, and has he enjoyed it? Or is he, is he playing rugby as well? Is he into his sport?

• 16:35Speaker 06

  He does. He's just really got into his rugby. He started getting into his football as well. He, he, for ages, he couldn't give a shit about any team sports. Um, he loved his skiing, he loved climbing, he loved karate. They had no interest in team sports.

• 16:49Speaker 03

  And he used sporty, Andy?

• 16:50Speaker 06

  Well, I loved the team sports, so I was always trying to get him into rugby, cricket, football. Um, and he had no interest. And then gradually we've, yeah, because we, we got him. The, the, um, he's, they did that little sort of E C B for the cricket. We're doing, um, they give you a little pack with a little batting and stuff like that, trying to get them along.

• 17:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, because my daughter's went out to join a cricket club and she's subsidized.

• 17:10Speaker 06

  It's all stars or something like that, yeah.

• 17:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, I didn't say. They get a little top.

• 17:13Speaker 06

  And so I took him along to that and he got to get, run out at the oval and give Joe Root a little high five or whatever. And there was a proud moment for dad, there's my son at the oval, whatever. Couldn't give a shit, you know? Liked the fireworks, but that was about it, you know?

• 17:28Speaker 02

  Oh, just not, cricket's a hard sell to a kid though, I think, to watch.

• 17:30Speaker 06

  Yeah, some kids are really into it, but he wasn't and still isn't really. So, but yeah, it might come, you know, they took ages for the rugby and he's now really into that. So we'll see how it goes.

• 17:38Speaker 02

  What about your daughter? What's she, is she into? Does she do clubs and stuff?

• 17:41Speaker 06

  Yeah, well, she, yeah, dancing really. Loves dancing around, so, yeah. Spotify Studios, you know, she loves to, can we play my playlist?

• 17:48Speaker 02

  Oh, she's into that?

• 17:50Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:50Speaker 02

  Has she ruined your, um, algorithm on your Spotify though? Because now I'm getting all whatever she, not your daughter, my daughter.

• 17:56Speaker 06

  But the thing is, she, she's got very eclectic tastes, so she, she basically, anything we're playing, she suddenly gets into. So you go through her playlist and there is a little bit of Taylor Swift in there, but there is also some Nirvana, you know, a bit of Iron Maiden.

• 18:10Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 18:10Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 18:11Speaker 06

  Yeah, my wife looks a bit metal, so there's quite a lot of, and then there's quite a lot of in between sort of, you know, Arctic Monkey sort of stuff and stuff like that. So, yes, she's a very, very different sort of playlist.

• 18:20Speaker 03

  I've got a separate, you, I've got, I don't, you know, company man or whatever, Rob, but I've got a fa, I've got a family login for Spotify.

• 18:28Speaker 02

  I thought I had that.

• 18:29Speaker 03

  Did you?

• 18:30Speaker 02

  I don't know what that, I can't do the admin. I've got the, I've got the.

• 18:33Speaker 06

  I was gonna say, surely you.

• 18:34Speaker 02

  The same the other day, I couldn't find the football because.

• 18:37Speaker 03

  We don't get free Spotify, Andy.

• 18:37Speaker 06

  No, no, no, it's free Spotify.

• 18:39Speaker 02

  No, I don't get free, I thought.

• 18:40Speaker 06

  Have you asked about this?

• 18:41Speaker 02

  Um, but yeah, I can't, I may go, I just need to set up another one.

• 18:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, so my daughter's got her own one.

• 18:46Speaker 02

  When she listens to an audio book on Spotify now, and I'm listening in the car, I'm listening to Harry Potter, but because I tried to put my music on and I need another account.

• 18:53Speaker 06

  But what's really frustrating is when you're listening to yours and then somebody changes it downstairs.

• 18:58Speaker 02

  Yes, that's it, that's, that's the one, yeah.

• 18:59Speaker 06

  And then you change it back and then they change it and you're not sure whether it's the, the reception or whether it's somebody else pissing around with it.

• 19:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly. Because you don't think.

• 19:06Speaker 02

  So are you getting that?

• 19:08Speaker 03

  Um, I've had that.

• 19:09Speaker 02

  But now you haven't because you've got a family account.

• 19:11Speaker 03

  I've got a family account. Rob's got an account. I've got an account. My daughter's got an account.

• 19:14Speaker 06

  I, I think we've got a family account, but you've all got your separate little part of that. So you've all logged in separately, yeah.

• 19:20Speaker 02

  I think there's too many things.

• 19:23Speaker 03

  As in lots of apps?

• 19:23Speaker 02

  For family, like, not just that, but like, because it's like, that's great if that is your only one, but then you've got one for the T V. It's just so many things.

• 19:29Speaker 03

  Separate Netflix's.

• 19:31Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah. Well, if you think of everybody complaining about the BBC licence fee, and then now you think everybody's, you know, either got their Netflix or their Apple T V or Disney Plus or whatever.

• 19:40Speaker 03

  Paramount. It goes on and on.

• 19:43Speaker 06

  Yeah, and, you know, and then all the apps and they will make you download them before you can get your ticket. So you want to go to a gig now and they've all got separate little apps that they would.

• 19:50Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 19:51Speaker 06

  Go off to Wimbledon.

• 19:51Speaker 02

  Don't get me started on Ringo.

• 19:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, you've got a real, all right, let's get, let's get you started on Ringo.

• 19:57Speaker 02

  I hate the fact that the only way to pay for parking is having a phone.

• 20:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 20:01Speaker 02

  It's so annoying.

• 20:03Speaker 06

  I don't mind if it was just one.

• 20:03Speaker 02

  You're kind of a tap now.

• 20:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, there's different parking apps.

• 20:06Speaker 06

  God, by the, there's about seven. And the thing about the west countries, they're not all together. Pay by phone is one. I want, so is it Kingston Hospital? There's definitely, yeah, I think it's Kingston Hospital, one I've never heard of.

• 20:17Speaker 03

  That's the one for Exeter Hospital, Quoala or something.

• 20:20Speaker 02

  App Coa. I'm an App Coa guy at the station.

• 20:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:24Speaker 02

  App Coa.

• 20:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:25Speaker 02

  And then there's Ringo, App Coa, Pay by Phone.

• 20:26Speaker 03

  It's impossible. And then there's a car park in Cornwall, which is pay on your phone.

• 20:34Speaker 02

  But landline.

• 20:35Speaker 03

  But no coverage.

• 20:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 20:36Speaker 02

  No co, so it says no coverage?

• 20:38Speaker 03

  No, there's no coverage in the car park.

• 20:39Speaker 02

  Because it's Cornwall.

• 20:40Speaker 06

  Because you have to go for a little walk to try and pay for your parking.

• 20:44Speaker 02

  No, that's not, that's not acceptable.

• 20:45Speaker 06

  It's not right, is it?

• 20:46Speaker 02

  You can't have a parking situation where there's no seat. They need to put a little mask.

• 20:50Speaker 06

  And what's even worse is a lot of them now have got cameras. So you drive in, you can't get reception.

• 20:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:57Speaker 06

  So then you drive out and then they charge you and often find you because they're often private operations. So it's not, you can't even contact the county council.

• 21:05Speaker 02

  I, I went into a car park to eat fish and chips in Margate in the middle of winter, right? A thousand empty spaces. No fuckers go in there, right? I sit there, it doesn't even assign. Eat my chips, drove out, sixty quid fine. I didn't even know how to pay.

• 21:18Speaker 06

  And, and that was you sort of being a bit, you know, crafty in the sense that you didn't wait and then argue it because then you it goes up to one hundred and twenty.

• 21:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, I didn't argue. I didn't. I just took my medicine. Who argues it?

• 21:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, my dad argued it.

• 21:31Speaker 02

  You're never gonna win.

• 21:31Speaker 03

  My dad went into a car park in Totnes. You'll know Totnes.

• 21:35Speaker 02

  I do.

• 21:36Speaker 03

  And he got the app out. He's born in nineteen fifty. So what's he seventy? He's in his seventies.

• 21:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:41Speaker 03

  Gets the app out. It, you know, it flags the nearest car parks. There's two car parks next to each other. He clicks on the one. It's flagged him as in the other one.

• 21:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, because of the location.

• 21:51Speaker 03

  Bought a ticket for the adjacent car park.

• 21:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:54Speaker 03

  And it, and he gets fined.

• 21:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, because they have different ones for different sides of the station.

• 22:00Speaker 03

  It was like, it's for the market. So it's like, it was like one on one sort of road, one on the other.

• 22:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:05Speaker 06

  It's a bloody nightmare.

• 22:06Speaker 03

  And then he challenged it. Oh, tell me.

• 22:08Speaker 02

  But you're right. Did he get, did he win?

• 22:10Speaker 03

  Well, he challenged it. They wouldn't accept it. Do you know what he did? He went to the Totnes Times and said, I've got a story for you. And they made it the front page story.

• 22:19Speaker 06

  And was he using your name?

• 22:20Speaker 03

  No, no. No. And he wa- and once, once he got the press involved, they backed down.

• 22:25Speaker 02

  Really?

• 22:25Speaker 03

  They crumbled.

• 22:26Speaker 02

  Because they do that in Petswood. Petswood, little town I live, there's like five different parking areas in this like one minute distance of walking, right? That should just be Ringo Petswood. It shouldn't be five different roads and stretches.

• 22:41Speaker 03

  With five different, five.

• 22:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, five different codes.

• 22:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:44Speaker 06

  My, my wife challenged one. She, um, she put in, uh, she was doing it a bit quickly or whatever, and put in the wrong registration number because she, we've got a zero. And, uh, she put in an O, you know, just tapped it wrong. And then she, she had all the proof that she paid for it and said, look, you know, why would I deliberately pay at the same time for, for one that's just got a slight difference? And they did let her off.

• 23:07Speaker 03

  Did they?

• 23:07Speaker 06

  Yeah, it was one of those where you, you have to, you go for the, you know, the sort of, you know, I could have to play double here, but you know.

• 23:13Speaker 03

  That's the problem. I don't want to, I don't want to get other dice.

• 23:16Speaker 02

  Because that, that same happened to me where we put, it was the number plate, we put in a three instead of a two. Everything was exactly the same. Honda, that car, that location. And I was like, I know the warden's gone around and like, oh, gonna get him here.

• 23:28Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah. Well, to be fair to the warden, probably they put it in exactly. And then they go, oh, it's nothing. There's no matches. So it may not then be them being blown.

• 23:36Speaker 02

  Maybe computers are the problem.

• 23:37Speaker 06

  Yeah, I expect it.

• 23:39Speaker 02

  Either way, do your kids have social media?

• 23:41Speaker 06

  Um.

• 23:42Speaker 02

  I'm just trying to do it all. Couldn't link back to kids.

• 23:44Speaker 06

  No, that's beautiful. It's beautiful. Um, but no, not really at the moment. No. The, uh, the fifty year old, he, he's, he's got, he's got his WhatsApp and he seems happy with that at the moment. So.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  And he's only two years away from driving himself. Then you get a babysitter and a ta- a cab.

• 23:58Speaker 06

  Well, that, yes. I mean, yeah, who, um, I didn't pass my test until I was twenty. So if he.

• 24:02Speaker 02

  Tell you, in Devon.

• 24:03Speaker 06

  Yeah, three, had three goes.

• 24:04Speaker 02

  Devon, what's that next to it?

• 24:06Speaker 03

  Well, you have to pass in Devon because you have to get everywhere.

• 24:09Speaker 02

  Oh, because, oh, it's really important to pass.

• 24:10Speaker 06

  Yeah, bloody pen in roundabout.

• 24:12Speaker 02

  Pen in roundabout.

• 24:13Speaker 06

  I tell you, the first time I did it, the pen in roundabout, mine, the bloke who was testing me got out at the roundabout. He, he said, uh, he said, I'm walking back to the test centre because the test, you know where the test centre is?

• 24:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, just around the corner.

• 24:24Speaker 06

  Just around the corner by the ra- race ground. Yeah, he left me at the roundabout.

• 24:27Speaker 03

  So that was the first thing you got to and it got out?

• 24:30Speaker 06

  It wasn't the first. No, it was towards the end. Um, but he didn't like my driving so much at the roundabout.

• 24:35Speaker 02

  Oh, you got out of the car?

• 24:36Speaker 03

  I bet you realised it was going badly.

• 24:37Speaker 06

  Seventeen at the time. Yeah, yeah. So, um.

• 24:39Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 24:40Speaker 06

  It destroyed my confidence for a living.

• 24:42Speaker 03

  But that's then.

• 24:43Speaker 06

  It's, it's at the end. As you're going down, so you do M five all the way down to, um, to Exeter and then it finishes and you go, I think it's the A thirty eight.

• 24:51Speaker 03

  It is, yeah.

• 24:52Speaker 02

  This is such an old man conversation, all of us.

• 24:55Speaker 06

  Um, and then you get, just as you're getting to Newton Abbot, towards.

• 24:58Speaker 02

  Pen in roundabout.

• 24:59Speaker 06

  Pen in roundabout.

• 25:00Speaker 02

  Do you know the sad thing is, I think I've Googled this before when you brought it up.

• 25:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:03Speaker 06

  But the pen in, the pen in.

• 25:04Speaker 02

  It looks like a tiny Shams Aliza.

• 25:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:06Speaker 02

  It's a trio.

• 25:07Speaker 03

  It's got, it's got a tri- it's got three lanes. It's a three lane roundabout.

• 25:12Speaker 02

  That's mental.

• 25:13Speaker 03

  And the first time I did my test, there was a bomb scare in Sainsbury's. So they closed Penning Roundabout and I thought I'm in, but then I failed elsewhere. But, um, yeah, it's, it's a tough, it's a tough roundabout to negotiate.

• 25:24Speaker 06

  But now, now it's a bypass because it goes straight through the Torquay.

• 25:26Speaker 02

  Oh, I see. So I'm on the wrong roundabout. This one is.

• 25:30Speaker 06

  I think the pen may be no more.

• 25:31Speaker 02

  This is the pen roundabout.

• 25:32Speaker 06

  It is there still, isn't it?

• 25:33Speaker 02

  No, this is the pen roundabout, Indonesia.

• 25:36Speaker 03

  Right, yeah, that's right.

• 25:37Speaker 02

  Where's the pen in roundabout?

• 25:38Speaker 06

  Newton Abbot. I think you'd be fair enough.

• 25:41Speaker 03

  So did you take the test in Newton Abbot?

• 25:43Speaker 06

  I went all the way to Malaysia to take the test. I've got more of a chance here.

• 25:46Speaker 03

  It's difficult to get tests over here, isn't it, these days? Um.

• 25:50Speaker 02

  Oh, that's mental.

• 25:51Speaker 03

  Are you gonna teach him? Are you gonna get in the car?

• 25:53Speaker 06

  Well, actually, when I passed, it was my dad who, we did it in my mum's car, saved a bit of money. And, uh, yeah, it was, it was, it was all grand. I mean, he was, um, he, he wasn't the most relaxed driving instructor my dad.

• 26:03Speaker 03

  No, I couldn't do that.

• 26:04Speaker 06

  You could see his little foot going every time. He thought I should be on the brake. But yeah, we got free. So that's great.

• 26:09Speaker 03

  If the guy gets out of your car, then you're a non-registered driver.

• 26:14Speaker 06

  Yeah. So I had to wait there and for my instructor to walk, walk from the centre.

• 26:18Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 26:19Speaker 06

  Walk from the centre and pick me up and goes, um, I, I, I think to my credit. I think to my credit, when he got out, I said, do I take it? That means I haven't passed.

• 26:30Speaker 06

  I still wanted to check that, you know.

• 26:32Speaker 03

  You're so good. I don't need to do the rest of the test. I'm walking back.

• 26:36Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 26:36Speaker 03

  God, so when your instructor gets there, that's a tough one.

• 26:39Speaker 06

  Not as bad as, I had a friend, he genuinely, he, um, he walked out, he, he into the car, said hello to the instructor and, uh, drove into the wall of the test centre. And that was it. And he even made it out of the test centre.

• 26:50Speaker 03

  Oh, God.

• 26:51Speaker 06

  Two pillars and they're quite close together and took out one of the pillars.

• 26:54Speaker 03

  Newton Abbot.

• 26:54Speaker 06

  Uh, no, it wasn't. It was, uh, he was down in Southampton, but yeah.

• 26:58Speaker 02

  And Andy, do you still, uh, on tour, because you've got a big tour coming up?

• 27:02Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 27:02Speaker 02

  Still use your own, your own car and get the tour manager to drive your car?

• 27:06Speaker 06

  I do, yeah.

• 27:07Speaker 02

  Yeah. Because I can't remember who said, oh, the tour manager said, when I go to Vanna Parsons, I use his car.

• 27:11Speaker 06

  Yeah, no, they're, I think they're actually using it more and more, the, the agency, because it's, uh, because I think.

• 27:16Speaker 03

  Well, they're using your car.

• 27:17Speaker 02

  So what car have you got?

• 27:18Speaker 06

  Not my car, but they'd be welcome to. Obviously getting nice mileage, you know? So, uh, but, um, yeah, the, because I think after Covid, did the, the insurance prices go up or something?

• 27:28Speaker 02

  Oh, so it's better to see your car.

• 27:30Speaker 03

  So why, why do you use your car?

• 27:33Speaker 06

  Well, it, it actually works quite nicely because it, you know, obviously they, the tour manager comes to me and then they pick up the car and then just take you off.

• 27:40Speaker 02

  You're off. And then Josh should back it in their car?

• 27:42Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 27:46Speaker 03

  This episode is brought to you by Hollyoaks on Channel Four, which we can't discuss without bringing up Mr. Rob Beckett's performance on the show. Tell me about it, Rob.

• 27:55Speaker 02

  I played Sunshine.

• 27:56Speaker 03

  Is that the guy that helped Warren Fox escape prison in twenty twenty four?

• 28:01Speaker 02

  Yes, it is. So basically, uh, we did it for Rob and Ramesh, stunt train. So I did a stunt.

• 28:05Speaker 03

  Honestly, Rob, when I was a teenager, the thought of being in Hollyoaks, that was different level. You have lived that experience, Rob.

• 28:15Speaker 02

  You've got, when you're next on tour, you've got to go and it's amazing.

• 28:17Speaker 03

  Hollyoaks is one of the great British institutions, isn't it, Rob?

• 28:21Speaker 02

  Now, Josh, I don't want to be too sort of arrogant, but I thought it would be impossible for them to top my storyline.

• 28:28Speaker 03

  I don't think they can do it, Rob. I don't think they can do it.

• 28:30Speaker 02

  I'm gonna stop you there. They're really going for it this summer. You've got a wild Dee Dee Hutchinson storyline where she falls deeper into substance abuse and then gets sent to rehab by her very concerned dad, Tony.

• 28:40Speaker 03

  Plus legendary Cindy Cunningham's back and causing chaos already, falling out with her niece Beth over a shock surrogacy secret reveal. Ooh, and that's just a taste of all the chaos, drama and shocking revelations. Hollyoaks always delivers. Get involved. You won't regret it.

• 28:56Speaker 02

  Also, do you know what?

• 28:57Speaker 03

  What?

• 28:57Speaker 02

  Sunshine didn't die. I can always come back.

• 29:00Speaker 03

  Oh, stream new episodes of Hollyoaks every Monday to Wednesday on Channel Four.

• 29:05Speaker 01

  The award-winning series The Diplomat is back for its fourth season, now streaming only on Netflix. Keri Russell stars as Kate Wyler. In a stunning realisation, Kate connects the dots that Russia's most powerful weapon is missing. And her husband Hal conspired with President Grace Penn in a dangerous plan to steal it, all behind her back. Kate is left reeling as she begins to question Hal's growing relationship with President Penn. Emmy winner Alison Janney returns with Rufus Sewell and Bradley Whitford. Watch The Diplomat, now playing only on Netflix.

• 29:37Speaker 01

  Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light. And slowly the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress, a hoodie slips beneath a blazer, an old cap finds a new.

• 29:51Speaker 02

  scarf because you don't simply step into the season you create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall find fall your way at Ross

• 30:08Speaker 02

  so your your tour is called please well I'm

• 30:10Speaker 03

  this is a good question yeah I saw your talk there's a asterisk word

• 30:16Speaker 02

  well so it's please and it's a hashtag at symbol exclamation mark dollar sign off to Mars

• 30:23Speaker 03

  yeah so please bleep off to Mars how are you how are you dealing with that in promotion

• 30:27Speaker 06

  so well obviously on here I can say it's please fuck off to Mars to the audience I'll go please fuck off to Mars and on the BBC and promoting it is it's a bit complex what you've just read out so we often go please four asterisk off to Mars

• 30:43Speaker 03

  yeah

• 30:43Speaker 06

  um and then you know people just basically

• 30:45Speaker 03

  what about would you ever just bring it down a bit to piss off to Mars

• 30:49Speaker 06

  yeah well we we you know please push off tomorrow sometimes on BBC we go go through the various possibilities

• 30:56Speaker 03

  yeah

• 30:56Speaker 02

  because I bet someone if you're on a Radio 4 interview or a local BBC radio station they're really panicked and it looks like there's been cookies you know cookies I've not enabled cookies and there's a thing but it's please fuck off to Mars basically but you can't put down a poster

• 31:08Speaker 06

  because they they say well you've got this slightly tricky title and then you go oh it's alright we can talk about the title the title is and you can just sort of hear them dropping something as you're about to mention

• 31:19Speaker 03

  but you know what it's good because normally you've got a title that doesn't mean not you one has a title that often doesn't mean anything to do with the show and they'll say why did you choose that title you've never really got a good answer

• 31:31Speaker 06

  no

• 31:31Speaker 03

  but you have got a talking point title

• 31:33Speaker 06

  yeah well we do talk about people going off to Mars so it does actually you know does what it says and the mad thing is that although I've got the the end actually I've done you know we go off at the autumn section of the tour but they're now talking because the theatres are so busy these days and everybody wants the tour is and they're now talking about the tour at the end of next year so I've now got come up with a new title for a show

• 32:00Speaker 02

  so you're gonna go back on the road straight away

• 32:01Speaker 06

  well it's not straight away

• 32:02Speaker 02

  but you need to have it booked in

• 32:04Speaker 06

  I need to have the title because they want to book it in because they're everybody's all booking years in advance now so Alan Cole's booked up into 2028 or something

• 32:11Speaker 02

  yeah

• 32:12Speaker 06

  yeah yeah yeah oh my words but you've given up touring is that right or no okay that was it was a rumor that you

• 32:19Speaker 02

  no that's just what people thought from the performance

• 32:23Speaker 02

  no I said I'm gonna do less

• 32:24Speaker 06

  okay somebody somebody said that you were you're not drinking on tour now is that what it was

• 32:29Speaker 03

  I don't drink

• 32:29Speaker 06

  don't drink yeah

• 32:30Speaker 03

  that's that's that's a very different thing to touring

• 32:32Speaker 06

  not touring yeah

• 32:33Speaker 02

  what's the point of touring if you don't drink

• 32:34Speaker 06

  he can drink and tour he drank for a little bit gave up the drinking now he tours yeah

• 32:38Speaker 03

  I've just finished a tour in May and I'm having I think I'll be back in

• 32:45Speaker 03

  two years yeah that's what I need a year off a year to write it and back

• 32:50Speaker 06

  lovely so when you change because it used to be that you do you'd start let's say February time wouldn't you and you'd have a little DVD at the end of it Christmas time

• 32:57Speaker 03

  that was before our time DVD

• 32:59Speaker 02

  we didn't get the DVD how many DVDs did you have

• 33:02Speaker 06

  four I did four so but it's it's turned into the special now isn't it but the special can go out at any point

• 33:08Speaker 02

  yeah but the special aren't bought for eighteen ninety-nine each

• 33:12Speaker 03

  so you did four DVDs

• 33:14Speaker 06

  four DVDs yeah

• 33:15Speaker 03

  do you have them in your house

• 33:17Speaker 06

  uh I've I've actually only got three of them I think because I they they wanted to chop a few bits up at various points for social media and it turned out I only actually had three of my own DVDs

• 33:28Speaker 06

  but yeah we did off off the curb the agency did manage to supply the extra ones

• 33:33Speaker 02

  do you you didn't even have a copy of it what were they called

• 33:37Speaker 06

  uh so uh here we go Britain's Got Idiots was the first one yeah um then it was Gruntled was the second one then it was um

• 33:46Speaker 02

  Slacktivist

• 33:47Speaker 06

  Slacktivist yeah Slacktivist and then we had uh live and unleashed but naturally cautious

• 33:55Speaker 02

  good title there you go

• 33:56Speaker 03

  really nice do you would you ever know if your son has watched these

• 34:02Speaker 06

  um he's definitely seen bits because he he's got various mates who follow me on Instagram and stuff like that and then they they then show him

• 34:10Speaker 03

  and do they follow you

• 34:11Speaker 06

  yeah no

• 34:12Speaker 03

  separate to him or because it's like my mate's dad

• 34:15Speaker 06

  very much you know it's like yeah it's because obviously there's occasionally there's a joke about him not not billed as him but you know it's like I mean my son said this or

• 34:24Speaker 02

  if there were like four DVDs of your mate's dad at school you're gonna watch them aren't you

• 34:28Speaker 06

  yeah I think so

• 34:29Speaker 02

  and then wind him up over if he says yeah

• 34:30Speaker 06

  exactly that yeah I mean you guys

• 34:32Speaker 02

  you're not just popular with fifteen year old boys

• 34:34Speaker 06

  yeah I mean your kid's over they're over they're being talked about every week twice a week or whatever

• 34:39Speaker 03

  they are my kids are deeply unimpressed by what I do I think um not deeply but they're under well I think I I think they're under well they're not excited

• 34:52Speaker 02

  I know they're bothered but I think as they get older they may get annoyed with certain things to talk about but what I try and do I think Josh is the same as much as we're talking about our wife and kids I'm talking about my experiences of being a dad as a dad

• 35:05Speaker 06

  yeah

• 35:05Speaker 02

  of them and things I've done as opposed to she did this the other day isn't that stupid or you know what I mean like now they're older as well so it's a bit of a balance but I'm sure we'll find a face a bit of kickback

• 35:14Speaker 06

  genius thing the the way you guys you know you managed to talk about the kids as a way of actually having to not deal with the kids

• 35:24Speaker 06

  stunning there is our struggling during lockdown listening to you guys working about slagging

• 35:31Speaker 02

  while Lewis and Rosie looking after the kids and chatting about doing it I've put your tour dates here Andy

• 35:35Speaker 03

  can I ask one more tour question because your tour you know you are a satirical topical comedian you are one of our best satirical comedians how much do you have to change it over because these are added dates due to popular demand spring you've done

• 35:51Speaker 06

  yeah

• 35:51Speaker 03

  you've then added an autumn lag

• 35:53Speaker 06

  yeah

• 35:54Speaker 03

  we've got a new prime minister presumably

• 35:56Speaker 06

  loving loving that yeah

• 35:57Speaker 03

  and are you changing

• 35:58Speaker 06

  god yeah no it'll be you know the the I mean you're talking to the man who who's a twenty nineteen tour show was healing the nation that got interrupted by a covid pandemic so rewriting is I'm all over rewriting so yeah

• 36:13Speaker 02

  do you quite enjoy is it like do you enjoy it because it gives you something extra or is it a little bit of a roll your eyes

• 36:18Speaker 06

  anybody who does three months acting the same play each each day exactly the same you know it's not for me I much prefer it being able to throw something new in whether it's the venue whether it's you know what's happened in the news or what have you so delighted with that and as we all know from various comics who go oh isn't it terrible I mean I remember the classic was Margaret Thatcher wasn't it where people going oh I I hate her because she's died and I can no longer do the jokes and the jokes I can't do are and then they do exactly the jokes that they've done anyway and it's the same with people who do jokes about a film and it I hated it when it came out in the cinema then it comes out on DVD now it's on Netflix and they can still do exactly the same

• 36:57Speaker 03

  so will you be scrapping your Keir Starmer stuff

• 37:00Speaker 06

  the Keir Starmer stuff will obviously evolve but I'm glad that Annie Burnham isn't doing the mistakes that Keir Starmer has done such as

• 37:12Speaker 02

  it's not your first rodeo is it so we've got here Andy you are do we tell I'll list them out we got so you start in seventeen for September Folkestone lovely down there by the way

• 37:21Speaker 06

  cool house no it's a lovely place to start that one isn't it because it's always always find it very nice and it's one of those where you can be a bit baggy and they still like it so yeah

• 37:29Speaker 02

  they tell you Cambridge Lincoln Milton Keynes Barnstable Plymouth Melksham Chipping Norton Abergavenney Nottingham Bishopsthorford Tembry Wells Carlisle Darwin Darwin where's Darwin with an E

• 37:40Speaker 06

  Darwin well there you go sold out already so you know whatever it is Darwin like me and that's the important thing it is it's just North of Bolton I think

• 37:47Speaker 02

  just North of Bolton yeah and then we've got Northampton Farnham Froome Throom you have to say that too Darlington Scarborough Winchester Exeter there you go you'll be there nineteenth for November

• 37:58Speaker 06

  uh no I did the Northcott last time but the um they I think it's a sister venue

• 38:02Speaker 03

  the Barnfield oh it's walkable

• 38:04Speaker 06

  yeah exactly but that's the advantage you don't have to go up the hill with your Northcott you got up the hill

• 38:07Speaker 03

  oh the Northcott is difficult for parking

• 38:09Speaker 06

  yeah yeah yeah some people have to park in Totnes and then argue the case

• 38:14Speaker 02

  Ivy Bridge Settle

• 38:16Speaker 03

  so Ivy Bridge is Plymouth where's Settle

• 38:18Speaker 06

  Settle is a is North Yorkshire somewhere I think

• 38:22Speaker 03

  are they next to each other

• 38:23Speaker 06

  no I think I think I've got

• 38:24Speaker 02

  there's a wee wee gap it'll take that long to fucking get up there and then you've got two shows in Whitehaven Twickenham and then Leicester lovely there you go

• 38:31Speaker 03

  Twickenham as a homecoming

• 38:33Speaker 06

  well the end is it's nice again it's nice I think it's pretty much sold out already so it's great you know

• 38:37Speaker 02

  pointers coming on Just to catch up.

• 38:41Speaker 06

  But yeah, I try and persuade Josh to come down to the extra gig, you know. Yeah.

• 38:45Speaker 03

  What day of the week is it?

• 38:46Speaker 06

  I've no idea.

• 38:49Speaker 02

  Mine seems to be November, but he can't, autumn strictly now, he can't do Saturdays and Sundays.

• 38:54Speaker 06

  Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. That means surely there's space.

• 38:56Speaker 02

  Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

• 38:57Speaker 06

  There's space in his house, I can just go round.

• 38:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:00Speaker 06

  Say hello to Rose, wherever it is.

• 39:02Speaker 02

  Thursday, so he can't do that.

• 39:03Speaker 03

  I can't do that, I've been in London.

• 39:04Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:04Speaker 02

  But apparently he's available.

• 39:06Speaker 06

  So I take it you're lining these podcasts up now because you've got.

• 39:09Speaker 03

  No, no, no, we do these on a Monday.

• 39:11Speaker 06

  Oh, okay.

• 39:11Speaker 02

  So what, so what's your, have you got any hidden talents outside? Maybe it's not dance or music, apart from the comedy.

• 39:17Speaker 06

  Eighty-seven at golf recently, that's the best I've ever done.

• 39:20Speaker 02

  Golf, I've started a golf YouTube channel.

• 39:22Speaker 06

  Have you? Lovely.

• 39:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:23Speaker 06

  Lovely.

• 39:24Speaker 03

  What's your, what's your best round?

• 39:28Speaker 02

  Can I be honest? Sometimes I sort of tap out at about fifteen holes.

• 39:32Speaker 03

  Do you?

• 39:32Speaker 02

  I don't even do the full lot.

• 39:33Speaker 06

  Why is it eighteen holes?

• 39:35Speaker 02

  It, it, most golfers agree with this, eighteen holes is too many.

• 39:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, is it?

• 39:39Speaker 02

  Especially, it's just so much.

• 39:40Speaker 06

  Some bloke in St Andrews in Scotland suddenly found eighteen, you know, rabbit holes and decided that was the right number.

• 39:46Speaker 03

  It's that kind of thing?

• 39:47Speaker 02

  It is too long, it takes four hours and it's too long. About twelve.

• 39:51Speaker 03

  Takes four hours?

• 39:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, to do golf.

• 39:54Speaker 03

  Whoa.

• 39:55Speaker 02

  If you're doing eighteen holes, about four hours.

• 39:56Speaker 03

  And then people go for a drink after, it's a full day.

• 39:58Speaker 02

  It's a basically full day out if you do it properly. So I, at the moment, because I'm just dipping in now, but eighty-seven's very good. If you've got that on a round, that means you went round in eighty-seven shots.

• 40:07Speaker 03

  So that's fifteen over.

• 40:09Speaker 06

  Well, depending, I think this was a par seventy, so seventeen over.

• 40:12Speaker 03

  Seventeen over.

• 40:12Speaker 02

  Yeah. No, I'm doing, I don't, I've never, I've added it up, so I, I, I go between about five, so one over par, up to about eight or nine. So I'm not very good.

• 40:23Speaker 06

  We often play ten and then you can't put double figures down on the scorecard, it's just embarrassing.

• 40:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, I just put tens.

• 40:29Speaker 06

  The advantage of quitting after fifteen is, you know, you can play the eighteen if it's going well, but quit after fifteen, go, sorry, I didn't play the score.

• 40:35Speaker 02

  I'm learning, I'm new.

• 40:36Speaker 03

  But is he good at golf?

• 40:37Speaker 06

  But, well, no, no, no, but, you know, it's one of those things, my dad played it into his mid-eighties, three times a week. And gradually I've got all of his different sports equipment, so first of all, I've probably got his cricket bat, I would think, then I've got his squash racket.

• 40:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:52Speaker 06

  Because he suddenly, he, he's got two squash balls in the eye and then he'd.

• 40:56Speaker 02

  At the same time?

• 40:58Speaker 06

  I think it's unlucky, isn't it?

• 40:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know.

• 41:00Speaker 06

  He's taking the piss, he's right one in.

• 41:03Speaker 02

  This game ain't for me.

• 41:04Speaker 06

  Oh, how unlucky is that? I bet I couldn't get the second one.

• 41:08Speaker 06

  Um, so yeah, so, and then he started wearing these little glasses to protect his eyes because he was wearing, I think he'd partially detached his retina or something.

• 41:16Speaker 02

  Oh, God.

• 41:17Speaker 06

  And he couldn't see anything, he was too competitive, so he took them off. Um, so yeah, but anyway, I got his, and then I got his tennis racket. Um, and, you know, he's probably just about started, he's thinking about, he might not play golf again, so.

• 41:28Speaker 03

  Oh, really?

• 41:29Speaker 06

  There's a really nice set of clubs that at some point will become in my way.

• 41:32Speaker 03

  And are you hoping, so you play with your dad?

• 41:35Speaker 06

  Um, I used to, yeah, I haven't played for a little while.

• 41:37Speaker 03

  And are you hoping to pass that on as a thing?

• 41:40Speaker 06

  I did actually take my, my son down driving range for the first time, yeah, his aunt had bought him a little, uh, sort of, you know, half an hour sort of training package or whatever with a professional, and so I took him down, we had a few, hit a few balls, so yeah, who knows?

• 41:53Speaker 02

  I would quite like to get the kids into it because it's a lovely thing to do as a family if you're all into it.

• 41:57Speaker 06

  If you can do it in your mid-eighties, I mean, there aren't many sports you can do in your mid-eighties.

• 42:00Speaker 03

  My cleaner was a pro.

• 42:02Speaker 02

  Really?

• 42:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, Belinda, she was on the female pro PGA.

• 42:10Speaker 01

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• 43:43Speaker 02

  There's a whole ecosystem around different industries, so I don't know, you wouldn't have got it because you were always on it, but when I started being a comedian, like, just open mic, if you told a cab driver I was a comedian, they'd be like, what are you doing on What the Week then? Because in their, in the, in the casual's eyes, you were only a comedian if you were on TV being a comedian, kind of thing.

• 44:02Speaker 03

  Yeah. It's interesting when you say that about why aren't you on What the Week then? It was almost a shorthand, it was so big, that at that point, I remember getting, people told me they'd seen me on What the Week before I'd done What the Week, because it, it was a shorthand for everything. About twenty-ten, do you think that was?

• 44:22Speaker 06

  Yeah, there was a time when we, I think the rating figures were better than Have I Got News For You, and it was that, that moment where we'd got a British Comedy Award, I think we got a couple of the National TV Awards and stuff like that. And that was certainly around that time that it was, we got our highest viewing figures.

• 44:38Speaker 03

  Were you in it from series one?

• 44:40Speaker 06

  No, well, I was.

• 44:41Speaker 02

  Roy Bremner, wasn't it?

• 44:42Speaker 06

  I was, Roy Bremner was in for the first two series, and I did every second one, so it's me and John Oliver usually alternating.

• 44:49Speaker 02

  Got you.

• 44:50Speaker 06

  I didn't want to have too much politics, so it was, it was basically.

• 44:53Speaker 03

  So who else would have been on it in those days then?

• 44:56Speaker 06

  Uh, so with, I mean, Dara's got, now got a massive picture where everybody who's ever been on it, it's like, they did him a, when he, when it finished on the BBC. And so I think it's a hundred and fifty different people.

• 45:08Speaker 02

  Oh, wow.

• 45:09Speaker 06

  And it's always incredible, you know, roster of comics, some from the States, people who've only done one episode and what have you. So it is literally a who's-hell of.

• 45:17Speaker 02

  Oh, wow.

• 45:18Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 45:18Speaker 02

  Hundred and fifty out there?

• 45:19Speaker 06

  I think, I think it's.

• 45:20Speaker 02

  Nine funny.

• 45:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 45:25Speaker 03

  Me and Andy sit back.

• 45:29Speaker 02

  And me.

• 45:29Speaker 03

  And then you.

• 45:30Speaker 06

  And then we debate as to whether we really want to go through your nine list.

• 45:35Speaker 02

  No, I'm joking, I'm joking.

• 45:37Speaker 03

  What was it like at that point? There was a point, it must have been about when I started stand-up, two thousand eight, two thousand ten, when it was the biggest, because I think by the time we'd got on it, it wasn't the biggest thing.

• 45:53Speaker 02

  It was, it was still a huge deal.

• 45:54Speaker 03

  It was a huge thing, but it wasn't.

• 45:56Speaker 06

  It was probably just starting to change there, and they, they suddenly, I think they moved Have I Got News For You on to BBC One, and then they decided, I don't know if they'd lost.

• 46:04Speaker 03

  Was that not always on BBC One?

• 46:06Speaker 06

  No, I think it was, it was, it started on BBC Two, I think I'm, I'm right in saying. Um, and, or maybe they just shifted into a slightly different time slot on BBC One, but the, and they'd suddenly decided that What the Week was going to be the Axis show as well, so it was going to be the ones where up and coming comics would get their first experience on TV, and then if they were any good, then they would.

• 46:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:25Speaker 06

  Go on, do other stuff. So, um, so that was, that was sort of the, the, the changing, the changing sort of landscape, and obviously post Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand, then the Double Tick Compliance, the sort of satire element slightly waned as they.

• 46:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:39Speaker 06

  As it had to go further up the comedy chain to check the executives all happy with it and all the rest of it.

• 46:44Speaker 03

  And when you joined it, how long did it, because obviously, we, we've all been in comedy long enough, loads of those shows start. So few of them, like, you can count on your hand how many of them become household name shows, like, how quickly did it become, you were like, oh my God, this has gone insane?

• 47:05Speaker 06

  Yeah, I mean, I guess the, uh, it, it was probably about three series, so I, I got made a regular in series three, and, um, you know, having, I think, obviously, um, Roy Bremner had left at the end of series two, and so that they made me a regular after that. And, and it was suddenly, you know, it was coming through at that point, I think, and the BBC seemed very happy with it, and then we, they probably, we had sort of a yearly series, and then they commissioned it for a two series back to back, and there was a summer one and a winter one, and, and then you think, yeah, we probably will be here for a little bit now.

• 47:44Speaker 02

  Because how long did you want it in, in total, from series three?

• 47:47Speaker 06

  So I did ten years.

• 47:49Speaker 02

  Ten years?

• 47:49Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 47:50Speaker 02

  And you saw it through all the different incarnations, because there's a point where it was like really cutthroat, wasn't there? And then it calmed down a little bit to be a bit more sort of, um, like welcoming. How did you find it when it was a bit more cutthroat? Or was that a bit blown out of proportion? It was just people being like a strong?

• 48:06Speaker 06

  People hated it. I mean, it's, it's a very odd format, isn't it? You've got six comics, you never put six comics in a room and hope everybody's going to find their, at their own space, it's just not going to happen, is it?

• 48:16Speaker 03

  It's like Gerald and Lampard in midfield, isn't it?

• 48:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, you've got skulls on the left and you just go in trouble.

• 48:20Speaker 06

  And you've got three more trying to get in as well, and you never see them. Um, so, and it's often seven as well, because obviously you've got Dara, who's, who's trying to get in with his little bits as well.

• 48:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, of course.

• 48:30Speaker 06

  Uh, and you've got the advantage, he knows what's coming up, so he's already primed. Um, so it was, it was always an odd show, and Frankie obviously hated being on there, didn't want to be on there, didn't, didn't get on that well with the production team at various points, wasn't doing the sort of topics that he wanted to do, and we were all trying to push to do more of the, the serious topics, if you like, not do them seriously, but actually deal with the things that are going on, if there was a famine, or if there's a war. And of course, the producers were always paranoid that something would change in the interim between when the show had been recorded and when it would go out, and then they'd have to edit it all, and it would all go, you know, tits up. So there was always a pressure as to what exactly, if there was, you know, a reindeer that had suddenly got his bollocks caught in a gate or something, that was, that was the one that they always wanted to talk about,

• 49:15Speaker 06

  because they knew there was going to be no problems about that, you know.

• 49:18Speaker 03

  That reindeer's talking about his bollocks in the gate by next week.

• 49:20Speaker 06

  Yeah, that, that's not going to go.

• 49:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, reindeer's nose is a bit low, isn't it? Rudolph meant to say shit, if I cut that, that would have been cut. And then I would have sat in silence for the rest of the record.

• 49:30Speaker 06

  And then what would have happened was, you'd have gone to Dan, there's any chance I can lose that, it's a bit embarrassing. And then everybody else would have piled in and Dan'd go, we can't lose it, because the piling in is fucking brilliant.

• 49:39Speaker 02

  Fucking reindeer, oh shit, I'm out.

• 49:42Speaker 03

  Do you remember when Andy Murray came?

• 49:43Speaker 06

  Very much so. Came ten twice.

• 49:45Speaker 03

  Yeah. Did you do those ones?

• 49:47Speaker 02

  No, I don't think so, no, I can't remember.

• 49:49Speaker 06

  Yeah, I was saying, audience with his missus and, uh, we all got to slag him off and laughed his arse off and.

• 49:55Speaker 03

  He was nice. The one I did, he was there the day, well, was it a Tuesday I record on? So he'd have lost the Wimbledon final on the Sunday. And then he came to Mock the Week on the Tuesday.

• 50:06Speaker 02

  Oh, really?

• 50:07Speaker 03

  Fair play to him.

• 50:08Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, no, it's great game. But you know, he loved Mock the Week, so that was great, but he loves his comedy.

• 50:13Speaker 02

  And he loves his golf.

• 50:14Speaker 06

  Yeah, we go.

• 50:14Speaker 02

  Big golf, a big golf.

• 50:15Speaker 06

  Here we go. Have you got him on the YouTube channel yet?

• 50:18Speaker 02

  No, not yet, no, at the moment, I've played with my dad and my brother.

• 50:21Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 50:22Speaker 02

  I'd say the book, the book, the book is, he'd work.

• 50:24Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 50:25Speaker 03

  So what could you get to, um, in terms of a handicap?

• 50:30Speaker 02

  So what handicap have you got, Andy?

• 50:31Speaker 06

  I haven't got a handicap.

• 50:32Speaker 02

  I can't bother to do it either, I don't want homework.

• 50:34Speaker 06

  You, you, you know, you can obviously, you know, if you, if you need a handicap, you can.

• 50:38Speaker 02

  You work it out.

• 50:39Speaker 06

  You can find a handicap, as it were, because there's some courses you, you go, have you got a handicap card? And you, you go, oh yeah, I've got it online and various other bits and.

• 50:46Speaker 02

  No, so, but yeah, you sort of need a handicap, but it's like basically you play a certain amount of rounds and then you add it up. And that means you're this number, which means you get a certain amount of shots on each hole.

• 50:54Speaker 06

  But my, my dad, we're talking about.

• 50:55Speaker 03

  Is it constantly fluctuating up and down depending on?

• 50:58Speaker 02

  Your ability, yeah, so if you were playing low, you can get that a bit lower.

• 51:00Speaker 06

  But they do it in point one, so if, uh.

• 51:03Speaker 02

  I still don't understand it. I wanna be.

• 51:05Speaker 03

  You can't even complete a round.

• 51:06Speaker 02

  I just wanna shuffle around like Ronnie Corbett in a fucking cardigan, looking like an absolute legend.

• 51:10Speaker 06

  Chalk, talking bollocks to somebody on the golf cast at the same time.

• 51:13Speaker 03

  Do you play with other people or on your own?

• 51:15Speaker 02

  Um, bit of both, depends who's about.

• 51:18Speaker 06

  When I was growing up in, in Cornwall, he's right next to Mullion, which is the golf course. These, is where Josh is down, down in Cornwall, so it was the local golf course.

• 51:27Speaker 02

  Oh, is that a good one?

• 51:28Speaker 06

  It's, boy, it's beautiful, it's on the headland there, so.

• 51:31Speaker 03

  Come and film one of your videos.

• 51:32Speaker 02

  That's a long way, isn't it?

• 51:35Speaker 02

  I've got to do six hours to it, I've just got to go around the corner.

• 51:38Speaker 06

  I want to go on YouTube channel, I don't have to put much effort into it.

• 51:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, that's why I've done it.

• 51:42Speaker 03

  Have you ever played on like the pro celebrity circuit?

• 51:44Speaker 06

  No, I've been offered the, uh, when I, when I first started out in comedy, Tim Brook Taylor said, uh, you know, I was writing some radio in Tim Brook Taylor, he had a Tim Brook Taylor classic. And he said, you've got to get down to twelve, he said, you won't come and play anytime, but you need to get down to a handicap at twelve.

• 51:59Speaker 02

  Oh, wow.

• 51:59Speaker 06

  And as you, as you've just heard, my best round is eighty-seven, which I worked out was seventy.

• 52:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:04Speaker 06

  So even now, even if Tim Brook Taylor was still going and his classic was still available, I still would.

• 52:09Speaker 03

  And who would be playing at the Tim Brook Taylor classic?

• 52:11Speaker 06

  I think, I think all the people you just mentioned, the Ronnie Corbets and this.

• 52:13Speaker 02

  Tarby.

• 52:14Speaker 06

  Tarby.

• 52:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, Forsyth.

• 52:16Speaker 03

  It's Forsyth.

• 52:17Speaker 02

  Parkinson.

• 52:18Speaker 03

  Andy, when's the tour start?

• 52:20Speaker 06

  So the tour starts back, I think it's the middle of September.

• 52:22Speaker 02

  Seventeenth of September.

• 52:23Speaker 06

  Going to, uh, December, so, yeah.

• 52:25Speaker 03

  Do you know what? I prefer the autumn leg to the spring leg. I like to tour in, in the dark, in bad weather.

• 52:34Speaker 02

  No.

• 52:35Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah, I mean, uh.

• 52:37Speaker 02

  I like, I, well, I like it, I like it in the spring because it, by the end you're into summer and everything's like coming alive.

• 52:43Speaker 03

  No, but I like to be thinking Christmas is coming, here we go.

• 52:46Speaker 02

  That's quite nice, knowing that you're breaking for Christmas.

• 52:48Speaker 03

  I wonder if they've got panto on here, I wonder who's in panto.

• 52:51Speaker 02

  With the last question and the final question. Um, so what's the one thing about your wife that she does as a parent that makes you? So, I forgot the question, what's the, what's the question?

• 53:01Speaker 06

  So we, we have a two-part question, right? If your wife was listening.

• 53:05Speaker 03

  I love the way that Rob tries to take control and then has to throw it back to you.

• 53:07Speaker 02

  Oh, no, I do.

• 53:08Speaker 03

  Do you know what, Dara's better than we think, isn't he?

• 53:10Speaker 02

  Well, we've been, we've not had a guest interview for ages.

• 53:13Speaker 06

  He's got notes, Dara, you boys haven't got any notes.

• 53:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly, you don't need notes to look this good.

• 53:19Speaker 03

  I would just look it up on his phone.

• 53:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:21Speaker 03

  Dara's never looking at a roundabout on his phone.

• 53:23Speaker 02

  No.

• 53:24Speaker 03

  I mean, you never look at your phone, I'll finish up.

• 53:26Speaker 02

  Cheers, mate.

• 53:27Speaker 03

  Two-part question.

• 53:30Speaker 06

  How did the interview go?

• 53:31Speaker 02

  Well, I've got, I've got a couple of emails, obviously, I've been chatting.

• 53:36Speaker 03

  Two-part question, two-part question. Uh, if your wife was listening.

• 53:40Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 53:40Speaker 03

  Are you married?

• 53:41Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 53:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, um, doesn't matter.

• 53:43Speaker 02

  Do you got to read the research sheet?

• 53:45Speaker 03

  We don't get a research sheet.

• 53:46Speaker 06

  Perfect.

• 53:47Speaker 03

  Um, the one thing that she does as a, as a mother that you go, that's incredible, this is, you know, this is why I'm so lucky to be with you. And the one thing that annoys you, that if you haven't been able to bring up, but if she were to hear it, it might, you know.

• 54:02Speaker 06

  It might register.

• 54:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:04Speaker 06

  Yeah. Uh, well, the thing that she, she is absolutely brilliant at is dealing with the kids when they're ill. She's, you know.

• 54:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:09Speaker 06

  Uh, I'm sort of, you know, if, if they're not sort of at death's door or whatever, and you don't need to go to hospital, and I've done all the basic things, you know. The, it, it's sort of, but she, she'll stay with them, she'll, you know, let them come into the bed and it'll be all of that and.

• 54:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, and you're a bit more, come on.

• 54:27Speaker 06

  Well, there's a little, there's, you know, there's a point where you go, I've given you loads of sympathy, I've given you all the medicine I can give you. You know, we're absolutely maxed out on cow pole here, you know.

• 54:36Speaker 02

  Your mum's trying to sort out HIV, so why don't you take your sniffles back into the room and shut the fuck up, daddy's sleeping. Got a round of golf tomorrow, I'm trying to break eighty-six.

• 54:45Speaker 06

  And I definitely need to get my head down, so, so, um, but she's brilliant in that. But there was a time when, um, the, I'll, I'll be off on tour, I'll be off, and she would get ill with the kids, and it was always like the kids would get really ill when I was away. So the, um, the one that I really remember is I was doing, I was on, uh, world's most dangerous roads.

• 55:06Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:07Speaker 06

  In Siberia with Ed Byrne.

• 55:09Speaker 02

  Oh, bloody hell.

• 55:10Speaker 06

  Uh, which was actually the bearer of the two options that I was offered.

• 55:12Speaker 02

  Should have caught that.

• 55:15Speaker 06

  The one that I was offered, they said, you've got a choice of two, you can do a death highway with, uh, with Ed. Um, or it was the Road of Bones, uh, with Ed in Siberia.

• 55:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:25Speaker 06

  Or you can do the death highway with, uh, Phil Tufnell in Bolivia.

• 55:29Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 55:32Speaker 06

  Phil Tufnell on the death highway, I don't, I'm not coming back from that, I don't think.

• 55:37Speaker 02

  I'd rather, I think I'd rather do gardening with Fred West.

• 55:41Speaker 06

  But so my wife, she got foot and mouth, the kids got foot and mouth. We only had one at the time, but he got foot and mouth and then she got foot and mouth. And, and so I come back and she's really, really poorly and that, yeah, that was a, that was a tough, tough moment.

• 55:53Speaker 03

  Is road's most dangerous world, roads, world's most dangerous roads, actually da, does it feel dangerous?

• 55:58Speaker 06

  For nine days, it didn't feel dangerous, and, but it was sunny weather.

• 56:03Speaker 02

  Right.

• 56:03Speaker 06

  So we, we're driving in the snow and we'd all had our four by four training and whatever, but it was, it was, there was, you know, you did see loads and loads, the, what they do.

• 56:11Speaker 03

  Were you actually driving it?

• 56:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, genuinely driving. What they do in Russia, rather than having the little flowers by the roadside, they actually take the steering wheel from the car that's crashed, and so you literally go past all these steering wheel monuments. As you go, and there were loads of them. So you, you, and, but they have no white lines. And so you, you've got a three-lane highway and there's no light, the lorry shouldn't be in the outside lane.

• 56:33Speaker 02

  No.

• 56:33Speaker 06

  Lorry's just steam it because they, you know, to, so we were going, um, to the, what would have been the east coast. And we had a, it was, it was like a ten-day journey. And, and some of these lorry drivers, they just put their foot down, take a few vodkas, no, there's nobody, nobody's testing them. Certainly back in the day when we were doing this. Um, so nine days we had fine weather and then for the last day it snowed. Not, not only were there no white lines, but you, you couldn't see where the road began and ended. And all these lorries piling past you, uh, and, you know, we really shut ourselves that last day.

• 57:05Speaker 02

  Oh, no, it's not for them.

• 57:06Speaker 06

  Yeah, and, and this was the day after, I think we'd, we'd been in a, and we were trying to get water out of a tap and it was all brown, just brown water coming out.

• 57:14Speaker 03

  Oh, my God.

• 57:15Speaker 06

  Um, so, yeah, it was.

• 57:16Speaker 03

  Still, better than foot and mouth.

• 57:18Speaker 06

  Well, better than, better than, better than foot and mouth, better than Phil Tufnell in Bolivia. So, so, yeah, that, that would be, she, she is absolutely brilliant when, when they're poorly. Um, and the one thing that, and I, I would, yeah, I suppose. Whenever we're going out, we, you know, there's always that moment where, um, what am I gonna wear? And literally loads of clothes come out of the, the wardrobe, try them all on. Uh, and, you know, often I'm undecided, I'll try a shirt on a pair of trousers, but I'll put them back in the wardrobe afterwards. She gets everything out, throws it all over the place, right? Uh, and then leaves it out, then we come home, obviously, you, you don't fancy putting it away then.

• 57:59Speaker 02

  No.

• 57:59Speaker 06

  Throws it all on the floor, does that for about two weeks. So literally every item of clothing.

• 58:04Speaker 03

  Belinda's not gonna be happy about that.

• 58:06Speaker 06

  No, and, and she's there, and then when it comes, the house is a shithole and we're going, oh, we're gonna have to get ourselves together again. You know, and I'll say, oh, I don't mind, I'll do the washing up or something like that. She'll say, oh, I know what I do, I'll do our bedroom, yeah, and tidy up the clothes. And it's entirely her clothes, not a single one of his mine, but she regards that as a top job and she'll spend ages trying to do it.

• 58:29Speaker 03

  I would say that is the perfect answer to that question. Andy, enjoy the tour.

• 58:34Speaker 06

  Thank you very much.

• 58:34Speaker 03

  What's it called one more time?

• 58:36Speaker 06

  Please fuck off tomorrow's.

• 58:37Speaker 03

  There we go.

• 58:38Speaker 02

  Cheers, mate, thanks for coming on.

• 58:39Speaker 06

  Thank you.