Pod Insights Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe S12 EP48: Stop me if you've heard this one before About this episode More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... there's a playground shaggers voicenote, some more of our new feature - Imagine This, and plenty more from the listener inbox. Keep them coming in!
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Transcript 10,171 words · 8 speakers
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1:01 Speaker 01 Pink Pantheress here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together, and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences, and personalized products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, booked just for you based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com.
1:29 Speaker 02 This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. You can go deep, keep it on the ground, or draw up something nobody sees coming. And whether you want to run a flea flicker or the tush push, you need a plan to fit your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you, so they can help personalize coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.
1:59 Speaker 03 Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with
2:02 Speaker 04 Can you say Josh Whittaker?
2:04 Speaker 05 Josh Whittaker.
2:06 Speaker 04 Oh, can you say Rob Beckett?
2:08 Speaker 05 Rob Beckett.
2:10 Speaker 03 Oh.
2:11 Speaker 06 There you go.
2:12 Speaker 03 That's a good one, wasn't it?
2:13 Speaker 06 Yeah. Molly Ruth, aged four, from Bulf Wells in Midwells.
2:18 Speaker 03 I've been Bulf Wells.
2:19 Speaker 06 Yeah.
2:20 Speaker 03 They were arguing about a Morrison's being built or something.
2:22 Speaker 06 Did you do a gig there? I think I've done a gig in Bulf Wells.
2:25 Speaker 03 Yeah, I've done a warm-up gig there, but years ago. Bulf Wells. It's at the bottom of like the Brecon Beacons, I think.
2:31 Speaker 06 Yep, Midwells, yeah. Repeating your names as her morma nan, leaves to go to see Josh's Not My Cover Tea Talk. Oh, that was a while ago. My mum, mormum, morma, mormor, mormor.
2:43 Speaker 03 Morma.
2:44 Speaker 06 Uh, has been a long time fan and tells everyone that will listen about the podcast. We both came to see the Parenting Hell tour and mum met Rob Beckett outside his Liverpool tour show.
2:53 Speaker 03 Oh.
2:53 Speaker 06 Secretly hoping to meet Josh Whittaker tonight as well. She's an uber keen super fan and has forced me to.
2:58 Speaker 03 Tonight? Oh, she's going to your show tonight?
3:00 Speaker 06 It was May the 10th, sent, it was in Cardiff.
3:04 Speaker 03 Ah.
3:05 Speaker 06 Do I remember if I met her? I have no idea.
3:07 Speaker 03 Is there a photo of her?
3:09 Speaker 06 No, I don't remember leaving Cardiff.
3:12 Speaker 03 We're just looking at notable people from Bulf Wells.
3:15 Speaker 06 Yep.
3:16 Speaker 03 Caesar Jenkins.
3:18 Speaker 06 No.
3:18 Speaker 03 Played for Wales between 1866 and 1941.
3:22 Speaker 06 Yep.
3:23 Speaker 03 Um, eight, eight caps. Percy Benzie Abury.
3:27 Speaker 06 No.
3:27 Speaker 03 No. Grenville Morris.
3:30 Speaker 06 Uh.
3:30 Speaker 03 All-time record goalscorer for Nottingham Forest.
3:33 Speaker 06 Yeah.
3:33 Speaker 03 He, oh, he retired in 1959. David Milwyn Duggan.
3:38 Speaker 06 Yep.
3:39 Speaker 03 Do you know him?
3:40 Speaker 06 No.
3:41 Speaker 03 Hilda Vaughan.
3:42 Speaker 06 Hilda Vaughan? No.
3:44 Speaker 03 Novelist. Kevin Sheedy.
3:46 Speaker 06 Yes, played for Everton and the Republic of Ireland in the eighties and early nineties.
3:52 Speaker 03 Lolo Williams.
3:53 Speaker 06 No.
3:54 Speaker 03 TV presenter. Alice Hart Davis.
3:56 Speaker 06 No.
3:57 Speaker 03 Jack Harris.
3:59 Speaker 06 No.
4:00 Speaker 03 That's the notable people.
4:02 Speaker 06 To the one, the one notable person I'd heard of, played for Ireland.
4:05 Speaker 03 Where are you from? Where's, where's your town again?
4:08 Speaker 06 Haytor Vale.
4:09 Speaker 03 Haytor, that's a little village?
4:10 Speaker 06 Oh no, I was born in London.
4:12 Speaker 03 But you were brought up in Haytor Vale?
4:14 Speaker 06 Yeah, but you're not gonna get anyone from that.
4:15 Speaker 03 How do you spell that?
4:16 Speaker 06 H A Y T O R.
4:18 Speaker 03 H A, I've, I've literally spelt, H A Y?
4:20 Speaker 06 T O R, space.
4:22 Speaker 03 Yeah.
4:23 Speaker 06 Vale, like Port Vale, V A, V A L E.
4:26 Speaker 03 What is a vale?
4:27 Speaker 06 I think it's like a, a valley, valley presumably.
4:30 Speaker 03 Haytor Vale, it doesn't, I, I'll go search, Islington comes up.
4:33 Speaker 06 Ilesington, Ilesington, Rob.
4:35 Speaker 03 What's Ilesington?
4:36 Speaker 06 It's the, a village three miles from Haytor Vale.
4:39 Speaker 03 Yeah, you've got nothing here, mate. Fucking hell. It's just like a road. Like a road with two houses on.
4:44 Speaker 06 No, there's at least ten houses.
4:47 Speaker 03 Ten?
4:48 Speaker 06 Let me send you a picture of it.
4:49 Speaker 03 Shall I do Bromley notable people?
4:51 Speaker 06 Yeah, well, I can tell you the notable people from Bromley.
4:53 Speaker 03 I'm actually from Mottingham is where I'm actually from.
4:55 Speaker 06 Okay, my, that's more like it. That's more like it.
4:58 Speaker 03 There we go.
4:58 Speaker 06 We're the notable people from Mottingham.
5:00 Speaker 03 Notable residents. W G Grace.
5:04 Speaker 06 Big, Biggie, Cricker.
5:06 Speaker 03 Eric Liddell, Scottish sprinter and rugby player.
5:08 Speaker 06 No.
5:09 Speaker 03 Christian missionary, born in Taizhin, China to Scottish missionary parents.
5:13 Speaker 06 Is it you?
5:14 Speaker 03 Jesus. Dennis Healy.
5:17 Speaker 06 Yep, Labour Shadow Chancellor, Chancellor.
5:19 Speaker 03 Yeah, uh, Rob Beckett. Oh, the photo of me is me shitfaced on drunk history.
5:24 Speaker 06 Oh no.
5:25 Speaker 03 God. Sir John Bertram Adams.
5:28 Speaker 06 No.
5:30 Speaker 03 Geoffrey Lawell Ballagan.
5:33 Speaker 06 No.
5:33 Speaker 03 Runner. Charles Falkhard.
5:36 Speaker 06 No.
5:37 Speaker 03 No, okay, fair enough. Oh.
5:38 Speaker 06 Dennis Healy's quite a big name.
5:40 Speaker 03 Big, big name.
5:41 Speaker 06 Big dog of the seventies political scene.
5:44 Speaker 03 Yes.
5:45 Speaker 07 I'm gonna say it, that's the most boring four minutes of podcasting we've ever done. The audacity to criticize Stephen Marlowe on the last episode.
5:57 Speaker 03 Uh.
6:00 Speaker 07 Like Sheedy, or whatever that fucking player's name was.
6:03 Speaker 06 You know who it was.
6:04 Speaker 07 I can't remember now, I was just thinking.
6:06 Speaker 06 Kevin Sheedy?
6:07 Speaker 07 Yeah, I know who Kevin Sheedy is. I was just thinking.
6:10 Speaker 06 He's in the Everton team that won the Cup Winners' Cup and the league in the same year.
6:13 Speaker 03 All I'm saying is, is that opinion of it being boring at all influenced by the fact in the last episode that we recorded, and I don't know how it goes out in transmission, we talked about bald men. And you said you've got absolutely no problem with your hairline whatsoever, but you've come in hot after what I thought was quite a kooky little start.
6:35 Speaker 06 Michael, where are you from?
6:37 Speaker 03 Where are you from? Let's find out who you're going. Come on, you're from the Isle of Wight, aren't you?
6:42 Speaker 07 I'm from the Isle of Wight, I was born on the Isle of Wight. No, I was born in Newport, but I grew up in Shanklin.
6:48 Speaker 03 Here we go, so Shanklin. Now, you're gonna start getting into this now, look, here we go.
6:53 Speaker 06 There you go. Which do you want? Shanklin or Newport? Which do you feel more energy?
6:56 Speaker 03 I'll put a bit of energy into it this time, yeah?
6:59 Speaker 07 Well, I can tell you the most famous people from the Isle of Wight.
7:01 Speaker 03 Okay, okay.
7:02 Speaker 06 Wet Leg.
7:03 Speaker 03 Who's that?
7:04 Speaker 07 Anthony Mingala, I think is.
7:05 Speaker 06 Oh, that's good, that's good.
7:07 Speaker 03 Who's that?
7:08 Speaker 07 He's Academy Award winning director.
7:10 Speaker 03 Oh, just fucking retire up from us and go and do a film, Michael. We know you're the heart's not in it. Just fuck off and make a film, yeah? How'd you like that for boring, right?
7:20 Speaker 07 The English Patient, he directed.
7:22 Speaker 03 Oh, as you respect, actually, great film, great film.
7:24 Speaker 07 Um, Wet Leg, obviously a new addition.
7:26 Speaker 06 Yeah.
7:26 Speaker 07 Um, he's not from there, but he lived there a long time. Bless you.
7:32 Speaker 03 It feels like three old blokes and old people, so arguing, sneezing, shitting.
7:37 Speaker 07 The guy from Level 42.
7:40 Speaker 06 Mark King.
7:41 Speaker 07 Yeah.
7:41 Speaker 03 There we go.
7:43 Speaker 06 Yeah, he's the main one. Mark King had his thumbs insured for a million pounds.
7:47 Speaker 03 What does he do with his thumbs?
7:50 Speaker 06 Um, because he played bass, he played slap bass.
7:52 Speaker 03 Right. Okay, so do you want me to liven this up then?
7:55 Speaker 06 Dame Ellen MacArthur, Michael?
7:57 Speaker 03 Let, well, no, come on, let's, Michael.
7:59 Speaker 06 Alan Titchmarsh lives on the Isle of Wight.
8:01 Speaker 03 Michael tried to stop this and now he's poured petrol. Right, I've got, what are you looking at on your phone now, Josh?
8:07 Speaker 06 Famous people from the Isle of Wight.
8:09 Speaker 03 Right, okay. Um, there's quite a few there in Parkhurst.
8:13 Speaker 07 Lord Tennyson lived there for a long time.
8:15 Speaker 03 Who's in Parkhurst at the moment?
8:17 Speaker 07 Well, they've downgraded it as a security, so there's not really any famous ones.
8:21 Speaker 03 Nothing going right for the Isle of Wight anymore.
8:25 Speaker 03 Just, right, okay, let's change tact. I've just done a bit of banter on the school WhatsApp group.
8:30 Speaker 06 Oh no.
8:30 Speaker 03 But by accident, right. So the kids have got a swimming lesson, well not lesson, swimming club. And they've been asked to bring in clothes. You know about this, where you basically wear your pyjamas or shorts and t shirts. So you practise getting in and out of the water if you fall in in clothes, yeah?
8:44 Speaker 06 Yeah.
8:44 Speaker 03 What they've said in the email is, uh.
8:47 Speaker 06 You've said, I've sent them in in divers outfits.
8:50 Speaker 03 No, no, no, well, no, something similar. In a minute, I'll tell you what's happened and you guess what I've said, okay? They said, during your daughter's Monday swimming lesson, we will be moving on to personal survival life saving from the 8th of June. So can she bring to school, um, shorts and a t shirt that she's happy to wear over her costume in the swimming pool? She will need to bring in her costume goggles, hat and towel still. Best wishes, teacher. Bye bye. Then someone said, what kind of shorts and t shirt should we send? Just cotton or swimming shorts and t shirt? What does happy to wear mean in this case? She's, my daughter's happy to wear all her, all her clothes but doesn't go swimming in them. I'm sure they won't be comfortable when they're wet.
9:25 Speaker 06 I think this person's overthinking it, Rob.
9:27 Speaker 03 Yeah, I think so. I think maybe she's not realised it's a personal safety. It's not supposed to be like they need extra clothes to swim in. The idea is their normal clothes, right? So I think she's mis, misread it. And it, someone said, they're supposed to give them the idea of what it'd be like to fall in by accident and have to save themselves.
9:42 Speaker 06 Jesus wiped.
9:44 Speaker 03 Jumping to rescue someone else, saying that would feel like, and less likely to panic if it happens. Um, so they might have to practise taking off the extra layers that might hinder them in the water.
9:52 Speaker 06 Come on guys.
9:52 Speaker 03 Just so normal clothes.
9:54 Speaker 06 This is swimming 101.
9:57 Speaker 03 So just normal clothes, not special.
9:59 Speaker 06 Goggles.
10:01 Speaker 03 But she doesn't need prescription lenses. How much reading are they doing down there? To be fair, I think the lady's probably in a busy flat, was caught the wrong end of the stick. And so this nicer lady who's not taking the piss out of podcasts has written back, space it out. So just normal clothes, not special swimming shirts or anything. I remember doing this at school. Okay. Also, in defence of the lady, I don't think she went to school in England, so maybe this isn't the thing they do elsewhere. So that's, you know, fair enough, right?
10:31 Speaker 06 Yeah.
10:31 Speaker 03 And someone said, I think I'll do cycling shorts and a baggy t shirt, you know, just chipping. Oh, to be fair, the lady has gone, oh, wow, that's really cool. I'll just send anything in then, that's fine. So she didn't know that you do this. All good. Then she did say, she would more likely be wearing a dress in real life. She doesn't have many shorts other than school shorts.
10:49 Speaker 06 Good point.
10:50 Speaker 03 Good point, maybe put, send in a dress. Um, I think we also had to trap in airing wet T-shirt, but everyone's just talking about what they did at school now. And then someone said, I'm gonna send him in this. So I said, and I regret it now because I've read it back and it was a miscommunication. Do you wanna guess?
11:09 Speaker 06 So, so were you trying to be funny?
11:11 Speaker 03 I was, I am being funny just to try and, cause you know.
11:14 Speaker 06 So you've, you've, you've come up with like a funny outfit. I'm gonna send them in dressed as an Elizabethan or whatever, yeah? I'm gonna send them in.
11:24 Speaker 03 It's not very me, is it?
11:25 Speaker 06 No, dressed as, what's very you? What, G K Barry?
11:30 Speaker 03 I'll give you a clue. I'm not saying as, I'm saying in.
11:33 Speaker 06 Dressed in lingerie, Rob.
11:37 Speaker 03 No, that would be mental. Do you want me to tell you?
11:40 Speaker 06 Um, dressed in a full Arsenal kit.
11:42 Speaker 03 I've got, we're going dungarees and a turtleneck jumper. Bit of fun. Bit of fun.
11:48 Speaker 06 And has anyone replied?
11:50 Speaker 03 No, probably won't either. Oh, no, actually, someone's typing. Oh, exceptional buoyancy, Tick. Bit of fun, a bit of back and forth fun. But I'm now reading it in reflection. I understand that the ladies now understood what they want.
12:04 Speaker 06 Are you gonna reply to exceptional buoyancy?
12:06 Speaker 03 Nothing.
12:07 Speaker 06 How about boys will be buoyancy? Just reply that.
12:10 Speaker 03 Boys will be buoyancy. Well, at the moment, I'm on a, it's a school group and I'm probably, how many men are on it? Well, there's sixty seven members. I'd say, I'd say seventy percent women and the other thirty percent men do not speak on it.
12:24 Speaker 06 Boys will be buoyancy with three of those emojis where there's a wink with the tongue out.
12:29 Speaker 03 Absolutely not.
12:36 Speaker 03 It's made me go itchy. I'll never write on there anyway, unless I need actual intel. I'll take the piss out of the WhatsApp groups really, but then I'm absolutely like a desperate, thirsty, dehydrated man in a desert. If I need information on a presentation and someone swoops in.
12:52 Speaker 06 I'm not far off not writing on it, but I do a bit, but I, I do try, I try and, inject humour and I just, yeah. I got rid of Carthy on there the other day, actually.
13:04 Speaker 03 Yeah, but is injecting humour into a WhatsApp group when you're a comedian a bit tragic? It's like someone singing that can sing at a karaoke.
13:11 Speaker 06 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:13 Speaker 03 You know, I mean, that's the danger in a WhatsApp group. There's, you know, you don't want to be that guy who's just constantly like trying to pump out laughs. You know, as you heard in the first four minutes of this pod.
13:21 Speaker 06 Exactly. Do you know what I've got into, Rob?
13:24 Speaker 03 Oh, go on.
13:24 Speaker 06 So you and I listen to the Comedians Comedian podcast.
13:28 Speaker 03 Yes, I do. Yeah. Not as much as I used to, but um I it's um not not that's not a dig at it. I've been really busy, but I do love it when I've got the chance.
13:35 Speaker 06 Yeah. So this is Stuart Goldsmith, the comedian, interviewing other comedians, right, about comedy.
13:40 Speaker 03 It's a brilliant podcast if you're into comedy and the work is a comedy. And also, to a certain degree, if you like hearing mad people be mad, because comedians are mad.
13:51 Speaker 06 Exactly. Let's be, let's cut to the chase.
13:53 Speaker 03 Let's cut to the chase.
13:54 Speaker 06 Let's be honest.
13:54 Speaker 03 It's quite handy to listen about stuff to do with the psychology of it and techniques. But also it's more fun listening to someone who's an absolute lunatic being absolute lunatic.
14:03 Speaker 06 Yeah, he quoted me and I had to text him and go, I don't think I ever said that.
14:07 Speaker 03 What quote? Was it about, well, if it was a good quote, why don't you just let people think that is what you said?
14:11 Speaker 06 Because I didn't understand what it meant.
14:16 Speaker 03 What the quote?
14:17 Speaker 06 Yeah. He was interviewing Sarah Pascoe on The Most Recent One, excellent episode.
14:22 Speaker 03 Love Sarah Pascoe.
14:22 Speaker 06 And he said, I remember Josh Widdicombe's view on this is, he said, if a joke reveals a wider truth, then it is true. And I thought, I don't think that sounds like something I'd say.
14:34 Speaker 03 Yeah, but it sounds quite good. I would just have not said anything.
14:38 Speaker 06 I don't know what it means.
14:39 Speaker 03 I know, but it feels good. If people are quoting you on podcasts or something that's like, Josh, look, if someone's quoting you with a quote that sounds really intelligent and worldly and wise, without current output, fucking cling on to that.
14:51 Speaker 06 I thought.
14:52 Speaker 03 Because it's not, that's not happening a lot anywhere else.
14:54 Speaker 06 I thought it was damaging my brand, Rob. I was just like, this, this isn't what the kind of stuff I'm putting out into the world.
15:01 Speaker 03 There's like a weird AI fake Instagram account, right, about, and it was about brothers or something. And it's like every year celebrates like brother, there's a day where you celebrate brothers. And it gets quotes from people who have said stuff about having brothers. And then it like got must some AI thing's gone through like my book, where in my book I say, I had four brothers, it was a lot of fun. And then I go into stories about my brothers, but they just every year quote up Rob Beckett on brothers. I had four brothers, it was a lot of fun. And I'm like, what a waste of a fucking quote. Like, what is, I'm like, what? That is mental. And it's not even a quote, it's the start of a bit.
15:35 Speaker 06 Yeah.
15:35 Speaker 03 It was a lot of fun. And it goes into a whole chapter, right? But it's just that. And I'm like, why quote that? So you said, if a joke reveals a truth.
15:44 Speaker 06 A wider truth. I don't even, I can't even remember it because it doesn't make sense to me.
15:49 Speaker 03 And you're like, yeah.
15:50 Speaker 06 If a joke reveals a wider truth, then it is true.
15:53 Speaker 03 What was you, what wider truth are you trying to?
15:55 Speaker 06 I don't think I've ever revealed a wider truth.
15:58 Speaker 03 You do reveal things that people don't realise they've thought.
16:02 Speaker 06 I'd say my truths I reveal are pretty narrow.
16:05 Speaker 03 I'd say the way you do comedy is, right? You find a subject that people are unaware that they've got a fairly strong opinion or experience with in their mind, like something that is actually affecting them day to day. And they've thought the same thing. You find it, you highlight it, and everyone goes, oh, yeah, that. And then a good comedian can do that. Average comedians can't do that. A good comedian, really good comedian can do that. But then what makes you a great comedian is you will bend them over and slap their arse on every conceivable bit of arse cheek around that subject with nothing left unslapped. Yeah.
16:42 Speaker 06 Backstage afterwards.
16:43 Speaker 03 You'll absolutely fully assault that thing that they've just discovered that they've got a connection with. And that you will say things that I didn't even know I thought, but then I'm like, yeah. Maybe you are revealing wider truths.
16:54 Speaker 06 Maybe I'm revealing wider truths. I just don't know.
16:57 Speaker 03 Are you a whistleblower on life?
16:59 Speaker 06 I'm a whistleblower on life. Just lock me up. Put me in Guantanamo Bay.
17:07 Speaker 03 Oh, dear.
17:08 Speaker 06 Is Guantanamo Bay still going?
17:10 Speaker 03 Ah, couldn't tell you. I don't know. I'm loathe to Google it in case fucking Corporal Michael sends me back to the slum. Joke. PC Podcast. To be fair, he does have to edit it.
17:30 Speaker 01 Pink Pantheress here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together, and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences and personalised products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, booked just for you based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com.
17:57 Speaker 02 This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. You can go deep, keep it on the ground, or draw up something nobody sees coming. And whether you want to run a flea flicker or the tush push, you need a plan to fit your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you, so they can help personalise coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbour, State Farm is there.
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18:58 Speaker 06 Right, Rob, shall we do some correspondence?
19:01 Speaker 03 Yeah, let's do some correspondence. People are loving our new feature.
19:04 Speaker 06 Oh, imagine this. What was that feature? Just explain it again, for those of us that can't remember.
19:10 Speaker 03 Michael? No, imagine this is when you actually imagine it, wasn't it?
19:15 Speaker 07 Yeah, so someone says a sort of a broad description of a thing. So I think it was like a badger riding a cycle. And then we had to describe in detail what we were picturing, you know, what was it wearing, where was it, the type of bike.
19:30 Speaker 03 Oh, imagine this, I remember it.
19:33 Speaker 06 I like that feature.
19:37 Speaker 03 There we go. Okay. Hello, Rob, Josh. Hello, Rob and Josh from Sunny Woolfamstow. Right, let's quickly find the notable people.
19:47 Speaker 03 Thanks for the Ace podcast. I seriously need to stop listening while I'm cycling around town. Gridding, giggling and all out guffawing is starting to make me look a little crazy.
19:56 Speaker 06 How you picturing that?
19:58 Speaker 03 Imagine that.
20:01 Speaker 03 Right, he's had a penny farthing, topless, cigar. No, no, things are going to laugh quite as much as imagine this in the recent episode. I feel compelled to send mine in. The scenario is as follows. Please imagine.
20:18 Speaker 06 Let me close my eyes.
20:19 Speaker 03 A field mouse rocking out to the band Queen.
20:24 Speaker 06 I like it. I don't like, I don't mind it. I don't mind it. Yeah.
20:28 Speaker 03 You ready? I'm ready.
20:29 Speaker 06 Yeah.
20:30 Speaker 03 Do you want me to go or do you want to go?
20:31 Speaker 06 You can go.
20:32 Speaker 03 Right, so we've got a field mouse that's on our bird feeder a lot, so I'm actually looking at it through my phone on the app, my work phone.
20:39 Speaker 06 Right.
20:40 Speaker 03 And he's there and all the lights from the house are up behind him. And he's got, the music's just playing through the speaker of the bird feeder and he's stood there and he's holding a sunflower seed in his arm with a little yellow jacket on and a white vest. And he's dancing to, to Queen. That's, that's what I've got.
20:58 Speaker 06 That's what you're imagining. I'm imagining a cartoon mouse.
21:01 Speaker 03 Yeah.
21:02 Speaker 06 In a field. He's the only one in the field, but then there's like a stage with Queen on in the field.
21:09 Speaker 03 Brian May's there.
21:10 Speaker 06 Well, Freddie's still with us.
21:12 Speaker 03 Right, so he's just watching them. Is the field mouse in Brian May's hair?
21:16 Speaker 06 No, this field mouse is stood in the field and he stood on his hind legs like a human being in my head.
21:21 Speaker 03 On his own.
21:22 Speaker 06 On his own, just rocking out. Yeah.
21:25 Speaker 03 Lovely.
21:26 Speaker 06 And actually he's got one arm in the air. I, I can picture that. Yeah.
21:29 Speaker 03 Yeah, he's definitely got one arm in the air. Michael, did you want to imagine it or?
21:33 Speaker 07 Yeah, yes.
21:38 Speaker 07 What's funny is how genuinely vivid it is. Like it really, it really came to life in my mind.
21:43 Speaker 06 It's a good option.
21:45 Speaker 07 Yeah, my, mine was, he was in his home, but his home was like, um, like anthropomorphised, like Wind in the Willows. So it was like an actual house. And he was, he was listening to Queen on, you know, like his vinyl, his record player. But he was dancing around like, um, Hugh Grant in Love Actually. As if, as if no one was watching. And then he turned around and there was like another, like a vole or someone that caught him. He was quite embarrassed.
22:13 Speaker 03 A little bit of shame in your one there, Michael. There you go.
22:16 Speaker 06 Imagine that.
22:17 Speaker 03 Imagine that. We just imagined it. Thanks, guys. Sending you more Imagine Thises. Um, thanks for the giggles every week. Um, that's from Joe. Mum to Daniel.
22:26 Speaker 06 What a feature.
22:27 Speaker 03 Ben, Tom, Ruben. I hope people enjoy it as much as I enjoyed doing it.
22:31 Speaker 06 Yeah.
22:32 Speaker 03 She's got 22 year olds.
22:33 Speaker 06 You can play at home.
22:34 Speaker 03 Yeah, play at home. 22 year old, 20 year old, 19 year old, 17 year old. Oh, we've got another one here from Rosa. One more?
22:41 Speaker 06 Yeah.
22:41 Speaker 03 Imagine this. A pair of talking slippers.
22:44 Speaker 06 She hasn't done anything. She's just literally written, imagine this. She hasn't said, hi guys.
22:50 Speaker 03 Rosa said, imagine this. A pair of, a pair of talking slippers on an old man's feet.
22:58 Speaker 06 Yeah, okay.
22:59 Speaker 03 Okay.
22:59 Speaker 06 That's so good.
23:01 Speaker 03 It's a tough one if I'm, oh.
23:02 Speaker 06 So in my head, he's in a rocking chair. He's kind of snoozing in a rocking chair.
23:07 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
23:07 Speaker 06 And he's got the classic tartan slippers that have got the small piece of elastic at the side. You know those ones?
23:13 Speaker 03 Yeah.
23:13 Speaker 06 And they're ripped at the end through overuse and that's the mouth. And they're talking to each other. And his legs are crossed and they're talking to each other.
23:22 Speaker 03 Right. So my one is sat on a chair in the corner of, of someone's front room at Christmas, but it's not where a chair normally is. It's like an extra chair and he's fallen asleep and he's got a Christmas hat on, a cardigan on. He's got a bit of gravy on his belly.
23:35 Speaker 06 Oh, nice. Yeah.
23:37 Speaker 03 He's fully asleep and he's wearing a big pair of novelty football slippers that his kids have got them and they've got a little face on them. They're just chatting about just, I don't know what they're chatting about, but they're just chatting away. So he's asleep. Loving it. Right. Love it. Michael, did you want to do one?
23:57 Speaker 03 It's three too many?
23:58 Speaker 07 I don't know, it's fun though.
24:00 Speaker 06 No, I like it. What have you pictured, Michael?
24:03 Speaker 07 Mine was like, do you remember the old Aardman Creature Comfort adverts?
24:07 Speaker 03 Yeah.
24:08 Speaker 07 It was a sort of, um, kind of a claymation style, a really tired old man face on a slipper. Uh, he wasn't saying anything, but he looked like he wasn't long for this world.
24:21 Speaker 03 Ah, he's quite bleak your ones.
24:23 Speaker 07 Yeah.
24:28 Speaker 03 He's got the shame of being caught dancing by a vole and now he's got fucking dead man slippers.
24:34 Speaker 07 Look, I'm fine being bold, all right, guys?
24:40 Speaker 03 Apart from the worry about shame and death.
24:42 Speaker 06 Yeah.
24:43 Speaker 03 Um, oh, thanks, Michael. Was that, was that the intro? I just had to cut you off there. Was there anything else she was imagining or was that, that, that?
24:48 Speaker 07 It was the only, the only context is it was sort of, um, like a sort of early 1980s council house vibe and decor.
24:55 Speaker 06 Oh, no, yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:57 Speaker 07 Those storage heaters, I think probably have asbestos in them.
25:00 Speaker 06 Yeah, yeah.
25:01 Speaker 03 Gotcha. Right, lovely. Okay.
25:03 Speaker 06 What a feature.
25:04 Speaker 03 Solidarity or solid Karen? This was a, a new feature where if, what, I, I gave you a scenario where someone's child had sun on their face in a car park and I told the nan that was going after him and I was, was that solidarity as a parent or was I being a solid Karen?
25:18 Speaker 06 Well, we thought it was solidarity.
25:19 Speaker 03 Yes. So, um, we asked just something there. We, we've had a lot of messages from the listeners saying they like the feature, but please can you rename it? And, oh, and a lot of these are from people called Karen.
25:28 Speaker 06 Yeah, fair enough, fair enough. It's not ideal, is it?
25:33 Speaker 03 No, but it's just, you just have to accept that, you know, people called Adolf, they deal with it day to day. You, you've got, you can't help what popular culture has decided for your name.
25:43 Speaker 06 True, very true.
25:44 Speaker 03 Anyway, send in your suggestions for new names. Until we get a better one, it's solidarity or solid Karen.
25:49 Speaker 06 Yeah.
25:50 Speaker 03 Hello, you sexy, relatable people. You recently spoke about Rob saving a baby from certain sunburn and it reminded me of an experience I had last summer. My wife was away for work, so I took our kids to the beach with another couple and their children. Between us, we had four kids in total. Three of the kids were down by the sea with the other dad. While I sat on a wall chatting with the mum as she looked after the baby. While we were talking, another family arrived and set themselves up right at the top of the beach. It didn't take long for their roughly five-year-old child to wander down to the sea alone or with no parent in sight. A few moments later, the child hurt themselves and started crying. My friend and I looked up at the parents who had noticed, but simply encouraged our child to walk back to them.
26:31 Speaker 03 At that moment, an elderly couple walking past looked at us with obvious disapproval and sarcastically said, I suppose you just let them cry out then, do you?
26:41 Speaker 06 Oh.
26:42 Speaker 03 I replied, that's not our kid. And she's not even my wife. The couple suddenly looked rather sheepish and hurried off presumably in search of the next strangers to judge.
26:53 Speaker 06 Oh.
26:53 Speaker 03 Thanks for all the laughs, Pete, aged forty.
26:55 Speaker 06 So are we judging whether the old couple?
26:58 Speaker 03 I think what's happened there is Pete wanted to make that all about him.
27:05 Speaker 03 Thank you.
27:06 Speaker 06 Are we judging the old couple? Because I, yeah.
27:08 Speaker 03 Yeah, I think, oh yeah, I'm only joking. So I think, are we judging the old couple? Um, I think that is solid Karen because.
27:16 Speaker 06 Yeah, because they're not helping.
27:18 Speaker 03 They're not helping and that's not solidarity because you just have to accept that those parents are twats because they're aware of what's going on and they're not doing anything about it. But yeah, but then do they need to go?
27:29 Speaker 06 But that's not how you approach the situation, is it?
27:32 Speaker 03 No.
27:32 Speaker 06 If you're trying to help.
27:33 Speaker 03 Yeah, maybe if they got to Pete, oh, I don't know. Is that your child over there? Because there's a child upset over there.
27:40 Speaker 06 Yeah.
27:40 Speaker 03 That's a better way to approach it, isn't it? So I think we put that in solid Karen.
27:43 Speaker 06 Yeah, I think we do as well.
27:45 Speaker 03 So the way to do that would be say, oh, excuse me, I don't know if you'd noticed that child's crying over there. Is that your child? And then Pete would go, no. And then they could go to the other family. Sorry, there's a child crying over there. Is that your child?
27:56 Speaker 06 Shout in the distance, the other family, yeah.
27:58 Speaker 03 And then that's sort of like subtle shaming.
28:01 Speaker 06 Exactly. That's what you want to do is subtle shaming.
28:04 Speaker 03 Subtle shame by looking like you're helping. Excuse me, but I don't know if you've realised that your child's getting sunburned.
28:10 Speaker 06 Exactly.
28:12 Speaker 03 You lazy fucking pig. But don't say the second part.
28:15 Speaker 06 No.
28:16 Speaker 03 There you go. So yeah, if you've got a better name for that one, let us know. But at the moment it's solidarity or solid Karen. So Karens, get your thinking caps on if you're panicking about that name, okay?
28:25 Speaker 06 Yeah.
28:25 Speaker 03 Um, oh, we've got loads of playground workplace shaggers. We'll do a special on that. But to get you excited, my friend sent in a voice note of one. Do you want to hear it?
28:33 Speaker 06 Yeah.
28:34 Speaker 03 Listen to this. Hello, Josh, Rob and Michael. Big fan of the podcast. Don't have any kids, just tuning in for the chat and Lou's voice notes mostly.
28:43 Speaker 04 Chakra story. So for context, I grew up in quite rural Scotland. So let's be clear. You know, to give these adults the slight benefit of the doubt, the dating pool was small. Okay, there was probably not a lot of options for them. But basically, there was one male teacher in my school called Mr. Simpson. And we used to all talk about how like he had been divorced a few times, kind of this like mysterious guy sort of vibe. And he basically started going out with this boy in my class called James. He started going out with James's mum.
29:17 Speaker 06 That was a relief.
29:19 Speaker 03 That was too long a pause.
29:20 Speaker 06 That was a relief, wasn't it?
29:22 Speaker 03 I've never started going out with this boy, James's mum.
29:28 Speaker 06 That was three seconds. That was a three second.
29:31 Speaker 03 That was horrible. That was horrible.
29:35 Speaker 04 Guy, sort of vibe. And he basically started going out with this boy in my class called James.
29:42 Speaker 03 He's like.
29:48 Speaker 03 Thanks for your voice note. Cheers. Um, right. Let's play. It's James's mum. Let's play the rest.
29:53 Speaker 04 Um, and they would walk James to school in the morning. And then when we were all queuing to get into school, my teacher and James's mum, who was in Mr. Simpson's class with me, uh, they would just snog. Absolutely just.
30:08 Speaker 06 Oh, my god.
30:09 Speaker 04 In front of his whole class.
30:10 Speaker 06 Oh, my god.
30:11 Speaker 04 I'd say probably quite traumatic for James. And sometimes she would come back at lunch and they would snog some more.
30:17 Speaker 06 Oh, my god.
30:19 Speaker 04 Yep, that's, that's what happens in rural Scotland, I guess, in schools.
30:24 Speaker 03 Wow. Oh, oh, hang on. What's that then?
30:27 Speaker 04 And word on the street is, is that they got married and they got divorced again. So.
30:31 Speaker 06 Oh.
30:32 Speaker 04 He's a player, Mr. Simpson.
30:34 Speaker 03 That is, can you imagine lining up for school?
30:37 Speaker 06 Oh my god.
30:38 Speaker 03 Like, my, my kids don't even let me have the music too loud when I drop them off.
30:41 Speaker 06 Yeah, no, of course.
30:42 Speaker 03 If I say bye loudly, they're like, shut up dad. Imagine just gobbling off the teacher.
30:47 Speaker 06 I know. My son's just upgraded to a booster seat from a full car seat, right?
30:52 Speaker 03 Yes.
30:53 Speaker 06 So I put on the WhatsApp group, does anyone want this seat? Because we don't need it anymore.
30:57 Speaker 03 Hmm.
30:58 Speaker 06 Someone takes it. I say, I'll bring it into school. My daughter's like, you just simply can't do that, I'm afraid. It's too embarrassing for you to turn up with that car seat at drop off.
31:08 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's mad, isn't it?
31:09 Speaker 06 If you and Lou were doing drop off.
31:12 Speaker 03 Yeah, we kissed.
31:13 Speaker 06 And you tried to snog her at the school gates, how would that go down?
31:17 Speaker 03 She'd be like, what the fuck are you doing? Get off. What are you, what are you doing? No, do you know what I mean though? It would, it's mad.
31:27 Speaker 06 She wouldn't have any of it.
31:28 Speaker 03 If I was stood there and like, people, a couple would.
31:31 Speaker 06 She's barely interested in private.
31:36 Speaker 03 Kissing is quite funny though, isn't it? It's really intimate kissing, isn't it?
31:40 Speaker 06 Yeah.
31:41 Speaker 03 It could be actually more intimate than other things, kissing.
31:43 Speaker 06 Yeah.
31:45 Speaker 03 Because I just find it's quite funny, isn't it?
31:47 Speaker 06 Yeah.
31:49 Speaker 06 It's quite weird, isn't it? It's quite, when you think about kissing, it's fucking weird.
31:53 Speaker 03 You've got so close to someone's face.
31:56 Speaker 06 Yeah.
31:57 Speaker 03 We can't, you can't be closer to someone's face than kissing.
32:00 Speaker 06 Do you like kissing?
32:01 Speaker 03 I like kissing.
32:02 Speaker 06 Yeah, I like kissing. It's weird though, isn't it?
32:05 Speaker 03 But I don't want to do it at the school gates.
32:07 Speaker 06 No.
32:07 Speaker 03 I'd, I'd only do it just to make Lou feel awkward and I'd find that funny.
32:12 Speaker 06 Yeah.
32:12 Speaker 03 But I wouldn't actually enjoy kissing.
32:14 Speaker 06 Do you think she'd push you away?
32:15 Speaker 03 Because if Lou actually doubled down and went kiss me on the school gates and started trying to snog me, I'd be like, get off. You know what I mean? Not now, later.
32:23 Speaker 06 What about at the school, um, concert or something? At the, at the end, if you just leaned in and tried to snog Lou?
32:33 Speaker 03 No, but I'd kiss her on the cheek or something, but like, not a cut snog. I don't, when's the last time you snogged with tongues rose?
32:42 Speaker 06 Probably about six AM this morning.
32:44 Speaker 03 Yeah.
32:46 Speaker 06 She was asleep.
32:47 Speaker 03 Just before you feed Beryl.
32:48 Speaker 06 Yeah, she was asleep.
32:52 Speaker 03 Morning. I might say that to Lou when she's back, just say, Lou, um, we're on the sofa watching a documentary. And I'd just say, would you like to kiss with tongues?
33:06 Speaker 03 Would you like to French kiss me? Shall we snog? Do you want to snog for a bit?
33:16 Speaker 06 Pause the documentary and then say, shall we just have a bit of a snog?
33:21 Speaker 03 Do you want to have a snog for a bit? Like, nothing more. Like, I'm not doing that to lead to anything, just like, proper, just snog off.
33:29 Speaker 06 Like the old days.
33:31 Speaker 03 If you just snog, separate to anything that further bases, let us know if you just will just snog on the sofa and that'll be it. And it doesn't, doesn't, doesn't go any further.
33:43 Speaker 06 If you're a couple or like, if you were like, just.
33:48 Speaker 03 But we need information. How long you been together? If you're married, if you have kids, or you're just snogging on the sofa and nothing else?
33:54 Speaker 06 Or just like, you're walking down the street and then you just have a big old snog.
34:00 Speaker 03 Come here.
34:05 Speaker 03 Oh dear, snogging, eh?
34:08 Speaker 06 Whenever I see people in public snogging.
34:11 Speaker 03 Well, it's sort of like if they're young and it's a night out or just started.
34:14 Speaker 06 No, I think they're new to this game.
34:16 Speaker 03 They're new to that mouth.
34:17 Speaker 06 Yeah.
34:18 Speaker 03 That, that mouth's new to them.
34:20 Speaker 06 But that's such a shame, isn't it? Because it's so much fun.
34:24 Speaker 03 What, snogging?
34:25 Speaker 06 Think about how exciting snogging was back in the day.
34:28 Speaker 03 Yeah, I know. You've just snogged too much, that's the problem.
34:31 Speaker 06 Yeah, my lips have seen too much action.
34:33 Speaker 03 Your lips have, um, if you've got any more workplace or playground shaggers, please send them in. Oh, food confessions.
34:38 Speaker 06 Oh, yeah.
34:39 Speaker 03 This is where we, um, I confessed about my breadsticks dipping in butter and dipping it in cheese. And then I, in the same episode, called people that have sugar in hot chocolate, something like fat slags or something.
34:51 Speaker 03 Here we go. Here are a few confessions. Hi, I have vanilla ice cream, the quality stuff with the little bits of vanilla in it. I think they're pods, aren't they?
34:58 Speaker 06 Yeah.
34:59 Speaker 03 Oh my God. I have it on cold garlic bread.
35:02 Speaker 06 What?
35:03 Speaker 03 I have vanilla ice cream, the quality stuff with the little bits of vanilla on it, on cold garlic bread.
35:09 Speaker 06 Oh my word.
35:10 Speaker 03 What is cold? Cold garlic bread is that bread that's been cooked and then cooled down?
35:13 Speaker 06 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not the, I'm presuming the, imagine this.
35:17 Speaker 03 Frozen. Imagine this, go on.
35:21 Speaker 06 I'm imagining if you go to the supermarket, you get the two French stick style loaves that you put in the oven. Do you know what I mean? That are already sliced.
35:29 Speaker 03 And they've been in the oven.
35:31 Speaker 06 And I imagine they've been in the oven and they're now cold.
35:33 Speaker 03 Yes.
35:33 Speaker 06 And she's got one slice and she's putting a piece of
35:37 Speaker 03 That's Shaun. It's a he.
35:38 Speaker 06 Vanilla ice cream on it. Shaun. He.
35:40 Speaker 03 It's the kind of sick shit a man would do. Yeah.
35:42 Speaker 06 I presumed it was she because I presumed she was pregnant.
35:46 Speaker 03 Trust me, it's one of those. You've got to try it before passing judgement. No, I don't think it is.
35:50 Speaker 06 No.
35:50 Speaker 03 There's loads of stuff that you can just not try and pass judgement.
35:53 Speaker 06 Yeah.
35:54 Speaker 03 Wow, Shaun. That is
35:56 Speaker 06 Fair play, Shaun. How did he discover it?
35:58 Speaker 03 Yeah. And also, you know, imagine having that much, you know, lack of shame to tell a whole world.
36:04 Speaker 06 Exactly.
36:05 Speaker 03 Didn't even go anon. But to be fair, we've not tried it. You know, Heston Blumenthal could put it on a menu and charge 20 quid for it.
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37:45 Speaker 03 Okay, so notable people from Mottlingham. There is WG Grace, Rob Beckett, Dennis Healygeeser, Duck, River Quaggy. Then Michael can just snip that in.
37:57 Speaker 06 Yeah, yeah, lovely.
37:58 Speaker 03 Hi, Rob and Josh. Just listened to your latest episode where Rob talks about his breadstick cheese treat at the fridge. And it made me think of a recent time in our house. As a treat, we give our boys who are three and six hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows.
38:10 Speaker 06 Classic.
38:11 Speaker 03 That's fine. Recently, my three-year-old saw me squirting cream directly into my mouth from the fridge.
38:16 Speaker 06 Classic.
38:17 Speaker 03 Because sometimes it's just what you need. Unfortunately, he now thinks this is a thing and regularly comes to the kitchen asking for a snack. He will list off items he would like, but now includes just some mouth cream. As one of his options, as if it's an actual thing.
38:35 Speaker 06 Mouth cream.
38:36 Speaker 03 Can I have some mouth cream? We've got jelly, we've got yogurt, we've got mouth cream. I love the pod and thank you for making us feel normal about the crazy world of parenting. Veronica, Veronica, what a name, Veronica.
38:49 Speaker 06 The crazy world of parenting.
38:51 Speaker 03 The, the next correspondence comes in a bit, bit, bit sharp.
38:55 Speaker 06 Go on then.
38:57 Speaker 03 Hello, you slutty legends.
38:59 Speaker 06 There you go. It's Hessen Blumenthal's second, second version. He banged it out.
39:03 Speaker 03 That's from Tom in Congleton. That's near you, isn't it, Congleton?
39:07 Speaker 06 No, it's in the north, isn't it?
39:08 Speaker 03 Sounds like you.
39:09 Speaker 06 No, it's north, near Morecambe or somewhere like that, I think.
39:12 Speaker 03 Overweight consumer of the electric spinach here.
39:16 Speaker 06 What?
39:16 Speaker 03 What's that about the electric spinach?
39:18 Speaker 06 An overweight consumer of the electric spinach?
39:21 Speaker 03 He said, hello, you slutty. This is Tom from Congleton. This guy's, this guy's lovely. Hello, you slutty legends. Overweight consumer of the electric spinach here.
39:30 Speaker 06 What is going on?
39:31 Speaker 03 With a fat fuck confession or two.
39:34 Speaker 06 Bloody hell.
39:35 Speaker 03 One, eating a whole trifle like a big yogurt.
39:41 Speaker 03 Oh, eating Milky Bar yogurts using a white chocolate cookie as an edible spoon.
39:46 Speaker 06 Oh, my word.
39:48 Speaker 03 Don't you dare fucking judge me. I'm disgusting.
39:51 Speaker 06 Oh, my God.
39:52 Speaker 03 Stay slutty and relatable. Tom from Congleton.
39:55 Speaker 06 Alan Garner, the famous fantasy author, Elizabeth Wollstonech, Elmo, Anne Packer.
40:05 Speaker 03 It says people from Congleton.
40:06 Speaker 06 Yeah.
40:06 Speaker 03 Because it is.
40:08 Speaker 06 It's not, it's not a great run. Robbie Brightwell, that's the husband of Anne Packer, the British Olympic athlete. That's not good enough. Listen to this one.
40:16 Speaker 03 What does he do, Robbie Brightwell?
40:18 Speaker 06 He's just listed as the husband of Anne Packer, British Olympic athlete.
40:22 Speaker 03 That's out of all, he must have done something.
40:24 Speaker 06 Who won silver in the four by four hundred metres in nineteen eighty-four.
40:28 Speaker 03 Oh, he, no, he was an athlete as well.
40:30 Speaker 06 Oh, was he?
40:31 Speaker 03 Yeah, Robbie Brightwell was a British track athlete as well, yeah. He was born in the British Raj, now part of Pakistan, but moved to like, a lot of that, wasn't there, in that year, that era?
40:40 Speaker 06 There we go.
40:41 Speaker 03 Congleton. Died in Congleton, born in the British Raj, which is Rawalpindi. Do you know what? We really took the piss for the empire, didn't we?
40:50 Speaker 06 We really did, Rob.
40:51 Speaker 03 Imagine that, turning up, what should we call this? The British Raj. Okay, we should have a little bit of a fucking meeting before we just agree to that. Maybe, maybe speak to a couple of the people from here, maybe, from a few, I didn't, no, no, no, British Raj will do.
41:08 Speaker 06 Fucking hell.
41:10 Speaker 03 British Raj. Anyway, um, do you want some more, um, correspondence?
41:14 Speaker 06 Yep.
41:15 Speaker 03 Do you want more food ones or different ones? What we got here?
41:17 Speaker 06 Let's go different. Let's, let's move it around.
41:18 Speaker 03 Seeing other people on holiday.
41:21 Speaker 06 Oh, yeah.
41:22 Speaker 03 So, hi Rob and Josh. Off the back of a recent episode where you were talking about bumping into people you don't want to see on holiday, I had to email it as I think this one might win. About fifteen years ago, I was eighteen and in my first year of uni. Me and my boyfriend had planned our first big exploring holiday together and we're going, and we were going to Asia for Christmas. So that eighteen, fifteen years ago. In the airport, I clocked my university tutor, who me and my flatmate had already decided was a bit of a monster. I explained who it was to my boyfriend and he thought nothing of it. I then saw her on the flight and panicked her in. We made awkward glances, but neither of us said anything.
42:01 Speaker 06 Oh, you've got to say something then.
42:03 Speaker 03 Yeah, you've got to go, oh, hi, you're right. When we got to the airport on the other side, we were, we were meeting our tour guide who would be taking us up part of the Tian Shan.
42:12 Speaker 06 Oh, no.
42:13 Speaker 03 For the first part of our trip, staying in a small tent within a small community to see how the locals lived. When we got to him, he said he was waiting for two others who'd booked the same experience.
42:24 Speaker 06 Oh, no. Oh, no.
42:26 Speaker 03 Yes, it was my uni lecturer and her husband.
42:30 Speaker 06 Oh, no.
42:31 Speaker 03 Cut to us spending the next six hours in a car together, just us four. Me having to sit next to them and my boyfriend in the front.
42:38 Speaker 06 Oh, he's dodged a bullet there. He's dodged a bullet. I always try and get in the front in those situations.
42:44 Speaker 03 Then the next three nights in a tent on top of a mountain together. We obviously had to break the ice, but it was only made more awkward by her thinking I was a different person.
42:53 Speaker 06 Oh, no.
42:54 Speaker 03 I posted about it on our course Facebook group, but got a stern telling off when I got back to uni for posting about her private life.
43:01 Speaker 06 What?
43:03 Speaker 03 And was then known as the girl who went on holiday with her tutor for the whole of the first year.
43:08 Speaker 06 Shouldn't, you can't get in trouble with that. That's not my private life. You're living it with her.
43:12 Speaker 03 True, but then, you know, people have got a right for their private life not to be shared, you know, in public. Cut to me reading out my WhatsApp groups.
43:22 Speaker 03 The trip was a beautiful experience and the thing I remember the most was my teacher. It still haunts me to this day. Thanks for the laugh. Anonymous. How scared is she of this person? Surely 15 years on.
43:33 Speaker 06 Do you know what? I think the thing with that is the people that you don't want to be on holiday with aren't the people you hate. They're the people that you have to talk to.
43:43 Speaker 03 Yeah, out of politeness.
43:44 Speaker 06 Yeah. So the worst person to bump into on holiday at your resort would be, without naming names, but say someone who worked on a TV programme that you were on, or someone who worked for our agency, because they would be like, oh, for fuck's sake.
44:06 Speaker 03 Have I told you about the time on here, Michael, stop me if you've heard this one before, which is, we should get that jingle from the Smith song. When I went to South Africa to do a comedy gig as part of a package show with Simon Evans and Marlon Davis.
44:20 Speaker 06 Right, of course.
44:21 Speaker 03 Basically, the offer was a fee, accommodation and premium economy flights.
44:27 Speaker 06 Yeah.
44:27 Speaker 03 They'd lost an act last minute, so they'd been booking me to do the middle slot.
44:32 Speaker 06 Yeah.
44:32 Speaker 03 And I said, I was really busy. I'd been doing a lot of Robin Ramesh flying about. I went, I'll do it, but for that fee, I want to go business class because I'm working before it, working on when I get back, I need rest. And that was my negotiation. And because it was last minute, they went, yep, that's fine. Right? So not a problem flying out, but I knew everyone else was on premium economy.
44:49 Speaker 06 Yeah, you have told me this. You have, but I love it. Tell me again.
44:52 Speaker 03 Have I told you on the podcast as well?
44:54 Speaker 06 Yeah.
44:54 Speaker 07 I don't, I don't remember this, but go on.
44:56 Speaker 06 Oh.
44:57 Speaker 03 I think I've just told you. Anyway.
44:58 Speaker 06 Oh, okay.
44:59 Speaker 03 Anyway, on the way out there, I'd go straight to the lounge and just hide out because they're in premium, not allowed in lounge.
45:05 Speaker 06 Yeah.
45:06 Speaker 03 And also I'm the middle act. So normally the headliner might get business, but not the middle act. I arrive and then don't see him on the plane, get off, go for immigration, bump into immigration. They go, oh, we didn't see you on the flight, Rob. Oh, no, yeah. No, I wasn't, you know, oh, yeah, no, never mind. We're here. You know, we go and do the gigs. We're there for three days, right? Then, forget about it. On the way back to the airport, I'm being dropped off at the airport with them.
45:29 Speaker 06 Oh God, you suddenly realise.
45:31 Speaker 03 I realised that like, oh, should I go get some food and drink? So I go, oh, I'm just gonna go and get some presents for the kids. If I don't see in the airport, I'll see at the, at the gate.
45:40 Speaker 06 So sorry, you did that before going through security?
45:43 Speaker 03 Basically, I don't do fast pass security.
45:46 Speaker 06 Yeah, of course. And you just, and when you're checking in, you kind of check in slightly so they can't see.
45:51 Speaker 03 Yeah, I, I just queued up with them in the normal queue and then went through security without a fast pass. So at the moment, I'm technically still travelling premium economy because I'm not making any use of the extras.
46:01 Speaker 06 Yeah, fine.
46:02 Speaker 03 But the main thing you want it for is obviously the full, fully flat bed.
46:05 Speaker 06 Of course, of course.
46:06 Speaker 03 So I go through security, I go, right, I'm gonna go get stuff for the kids. But what I actually do is I go to the lounge. And in a, weirdly, Tim Sherwood was there.
46:17 Speaker 03 Don't know. Um, he was doing commentary on a football match in South Africa for the Premier League. Anyway, so Sherwood's there, G, G lay on.
46:24 Speaker 06 He was going, this is a fucking nightmare. David Batt is an economy. He thinks we're travelling together.
46:32 Speaker 03 So I basically leave it and I go, you know what I'll do is I'm just gonna get on the plane last. Because if you're in business, you'll get put on it first, but you'll get put on it first in front of all the other people waiting to go on.
46:41 Speaker 06 Yeah.
46:41 Speaker 03 So I go, you know what, I'll just spend longer in the lounge and I'll just go in last minute. And also, Tim Sherwood's really relaxed. I'm like, I'll go when Sherwood goes. Because also.
46:47 Speaker 06 Are you talking to Sherwood?
46:48 Speaker 03 If I walk behind Sherwood, people will go, ask Tim Sherwood. And then I'm either. Because I don't know if you've ever been, I was, I went to the football with Dar O'Brien. Recently, the Arsenal Champions League final, walking around the stadium. Normally, me and Ramesh get lots of abuse, but when you're with him, he's so massive.
47:02 Speaker 06 Yeah.
47:02 Speaker 03 He's getting pelted. It's like walking alongside a lighthouse.
47:04 Speaker 06 Yeah, yeah, of course.
47:05 Speaker 03 He's getting pelted. So anyway, I get on the, and I think, I've actually nailed this because there's no one at the gate. Everyone's on, right? And I get on and obviously the business is at the front of the plane, so I don't have to downwalk the rest of the plane. So I get to my seat, I'm at the back of business and I go, brilliant. They've not seen me. I'm putting all my stuff in the seat like that. And then I turn around and the front row of premium economy is Simon Evans, Marlon Davis, and someone else from the promotion. All sat there staring at me and they go, Rob? I, I literally could touch them, right? And as they go, Rob, the Sherwood just goes with the curtains.
47:42 Speaker 03 And from then on, I treated that curtain like it was the Berlin Wall. You can't get over it, you can't get through it, it's just, I know, just shut down. But the timing, I put my head up, they went, Rob?
47:55 Speaker 06 Oh my God.
47:59 Speaker 03 But to be fair, no, no one got cheated out.
48:01 Speaker 06 Did you see them when you landed?
48:02 Speaker 03 No, no, you get off quicker in business, straight down the fucking. Gone.
48:06 Speaker 06 Is that the last time you've seen Simon Evans?
48:09 Speaker 03 Um, potentially, yeah. But that was the one where we was at the casino. We went to Cape Town and Johannesburg, but it's called, I was saying, like, people were saying South Africa's dangerous. And then was it this casino complex where you sort of go through a gate and then you, there's a car park, hotel, swimming pool, casino? And I said, is it dangerous around here? And the guy from South Africa went, no, it's not dangerous. You're fine. You'll be good as gold here. I know, all right. It's only certain places that are dangerous. I went, oh, what, what places? He went outside.
48:38 Speaker 03 What? He went outside. As long as you don't leave the casino complex, you're all right. Okay, I won't. And then I was by the pool, was there for five days, but every two days, there was a big group of like thirty women aged between like eighteen and fifty, with a couple of like gay guys, like, um, camp guys. And I was like, and there was like thirty of them. I was like, what a mental hender. It's, you know, just all, and that thirty of you come into a casino in, and then they went, and then another lot come, went, what the fuck is, and then it worked out. It's where BA put the cabin crew.
49:10 Speaker 03 Great, great fun, great times. One quick one before we do a small business, Michael? Or have you got, done some more Wikipedia stuff?
49:18 Speaker 07 Uh, I think, yeah, one, one more email and then small business.
49:21 Speaker 03 Here we go. World's oldest helium balloon. So Josh, remember we had that helium balloon?
49:28 Speaker 06 Yes.
49:28 Speaker 03 Someone sent in, it was a, I think it was a Sesame Street balloon, and it had it since she was born. Someone's coming with an older balloon. I can't remember how old that balloon was. Was it about twenty five years or something, Michael? Something like that? Twenty, thirty years?
49:40 Speaker 07 I think that, I think that first one might have been older than this one.
49:43 Speaker 06 Oh, it's still worth listening to though.
49:45 Speaker 03 It's still worth listening to. Here we go. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. After listening to today's episode, I feel compelled to send this. The balloon in the photo that they sent in was brought into hospital by my uncle when I was born in August nineteen ninety, almost thirty six years ago, and was used to announce the birth of my own son thirty four years later.
50:02 Speaker 06 Oh, yes, please.
50:03 Speaker 03 Is this the first multi-generational balloon?
50:07 Speaker 03 Is that a family heirloom? It's gonna be passed down. Not sure if it will survive to be passed to any grandchildren, but we can only hope. Thanks for the laughs. All the best. Ben, again, if you've got any of the world's oldest helium balloons.
50:20 Speaker 06 Let us know. Let us know.
50:22 Speaker 03 What kind of metal plastic bastard were they using to trap helium in back in the day?
50:27 Speaker 06 Well, exactly.
50:28 Speaker 03 Oh, God, my alarm's gone.
50:29 Speaker 06 Oh dear. Is that the end of the pod a lot?
50:31 Speaker 03 I think it might be. Shall we do a small business shout out?
50:34 Speaker 06 Yeah, let's do a small business shout out.
50:36 Speaker 03 Here we go. Hello, my name's Louisa and I've been listening from the beginning. Makes me feel so good about my parenting. With both my babies being born in lockdown 17 months apart, it was not for the faint hearted. I'd like to shout out my best friends Rose and her small business Plum and Pigeon. She makes beautiful dresses by hand from her studio in Manchester. From sewing the dresses to the social media and website, she does it all. She ships all over the world and can make the dress made to measure, which is great for those nice occasions postpartum where nothing off the rail fits. It would mean the world to her and me if you could give her this mention on the podcast. I'm so very proud of her and all her designs. She is on Instagram at Plum and Pigeon and her website is plumandpigeon.com.
51:21 Speaker 03 Thank you, Louisa. I'll give a shout out to you, mate. Good luck, Plum and Pigeon.
51:25 Speaker 06 There we go. Hello, Rob, Josh and Michael. I'm a long time listener and mum to my son Waldo, who is two. I thought I'd ask a small business shout out for my business Garland Ceremonies. After listening to your episode with Jamie Lang talking about whether or not to christen his baby, I offer non-religious baby naming ceremonies in London, the South East and beyond. These are really fun, meaningful and personal occasions where your little one will be the heart of it all. Your baby doesn't have to be a newborn and you're always welcome to involve older siblings too. For more information, please check out my website garlandceremonies.com or find me on Instagram at garlandceremonies. Thanks, Mayor Garland from Penj.
52:04 Speaker 03 Penj, South London, South London, South London.
52:07 Speaker 06 What a great idea. That, Rob, is the end of that.
52:10 Speaker 03 And see you next time, Josh.
52:12 Speaker 06 I'm going to go to bed and listen to cricket.
52:15 Speaker 03 Enjoy.
52:16 Speaker 06 Yeah.
52:17 Speaker 03 Did you know that W G Grace was from Mottlingham?
52:19 Speaker 06 I did, yeah.
52:20 Speaker 03 Thanks.
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