S12 EP47: The Juggle Is Real

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... in this episode Josh is feeling a bit under the weather. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx HUBSPOT - One platform. Full customer context. Real growth. If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [email protected] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  For adults with Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis symptoms, every choice matters.

• 0:07Speaker 00

  Tremfya offers self-injection or intravenous infusion from the start. Tremfya is administered as injections under the skin or infusions through a vein every four weeks, followed by injections under the skin every four or eight weeks. If your doctor decides that you can self-inject Tremfya, proper training is required. Tremfya is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with moderately to severely active Crohn's disease and adults with moderately to severely active ulcerative colitis, serious allergic reactions, increased risk of infections or lower ability to fight them, and liver problems may occur. Before treatment, get checked for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection, flu-like symptoms, or need a vaccine. Explore what's possible. Ask your doctor about Tremfya today.

• 0:52Speaker 00

  Call 1-800-526-7736 to learn more, or visit tremfyaradio.com.

• 1:01Speaker 01

  Low energy, unfocused, foggy? You might be dehydrated. Whether it's hot yoga, over 100-degree weather, or too much sun. Gator Light, with a specialized blend of five electrolytes, was scientifically designed to help move fluids into the body faster for rapid rehydration. Shop now at retailers nationwide. Gator Light: Hydrates Faster Than Water. Is it in you? Symptoms noted are signs of mild to moderate dehydration. Consult a healthcare professional if symptoms persist.

• 1:30Speaker 02

  When fall comes back around, there's a sense of a reset. And new pieces from Lululemon's fall drop are an inspiration to push your goals and elevate your routines. As your calendar fills, easy-to-layer styles meet the demands of your day. And as you challenge yourself to try even more, versatile sets transition with you. The Lululemon Fall lineup brings new levels of comfort and confidence, whether you're starting something fresh or starting something over. Check out the latest arrivals in store and on lululemon.com now.

• 2:00Speaker 03

  This episode is brought to you by Lidl.

• 2:02Speaker 04

  Now, we've got a bit of an ongoing loose neck v stiff neck debate on this podcast, haven't we, Rob?

• 2:07Speaker 03

  Yes. I mean, for the newer listeners, the loose neck stiff neck, I'm more of a loose neck, quite relaxed, carefree, quite loud in your face, where the stiff neck's a little bit more, you know, a little bit more rigid.

• 2:19Speaker 04

  Buttoned up, bit more worried.

• 2:21Speaker 03

  You know, a bit more worried, bit more contained, you know, and then that does filter into food, doesn't it, Josh?

• 2:27Speaker 04

  I worry about ultra-processed food, Rob.

• 2:29Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 2:29Speaker 04

  That's what I worry about. I'm thinking, if I don't have some blueberries with my breakfast, my body's gonna pack up before dinner. Do you know what I mean?

• 2:38Speaker 03

  Loose neck legend here can just smash three espressos in the morning and love his life.

• 2:42Speaker 04

  Whereas I am like, if I have caffeine, I'm gonna have a come down at about 11am, so I have to have a decaf tea with my breakfast. And that's simply how it works, Rob. That is how our lives differ. That is why the world works. That is why this podcast works.

• 2:57Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 2:58Speaker 04

  That's the good thing about Lidl though, Rob. In case you didn't know, stiff necks and loose necks, and everyone in between can get the stuff you love there.

• 3:05Speaker 03

  Oh yeah. And what would that be for you then, Josh?

• 3:07Speaker 04

  Maybe some oat milk with no sugar, Rob. Perhaps even some veggie bits from the deluxe range, if I'm feeling fancy, mate.

• 3:13Speaker 03

  Meanwhile, I'm going straight for the Lurpak rustic baguettes and a load of fromage fray and fruit for the kids. Everything we need at a great price.

• 3:21Speaker 04

  Lidl, more to value.

• 3:26Speaker 03

  Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with...

• 3:28Speaker 05

  Good morning, 3B. Good morning, Mr. B. Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. Great job. Thank you.

• 3:45Speaker 04

  Don't know how I feel about that, Rob.

• 3:46Speaker 03

  Do you know what I struggle with? And this is, it feels really bad. That sort of loud, confident, enthusiastic teacher energy takes me back to school. And I didn't like school.

• 3:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, of course, of course.

• 3:59Speaker 03

  Even though that was for us, and she sounded lovely, the kids sounded lovely. Me, as an eight-year-old, sat there and went, why don't you all just fuck off? Which isn't a great response.

• 4:10Speaker 04

  For someone who's done a lot of therapy, you do need to do more.

• 4:13Speaker 03

  I think you always need to do more and keep on top of it. But what I would say is, at least I'm aware of why I feel like that and I don't act on it. As opposed to going on a 10 minute run about why I'm annoyed about something else. Does that make sense?

• 4:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:27Speaker 03

  Because you know that you said to that guy at the gym, what's this really about?

• 4:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:31Speaker 03

  I sort of feel like I most of the time know what it's really about. But it it doesn't stop the emotion coming up because it's just a part of who I am.

• 4:39Speaker 04

  Yes, of course.

• 4:40Speaker 03

  You know, so as long as you're aware of it and you catch it, that's just as important as not doing it. Because I think I'll always feel like saying fuck off to anyone in authority.

• 4:49Speaker 04

  Does that come up a lot with your kids schooling?

• 4:52Speaker 03

  Um.

• 4:53Speaker 04

  Because you're exposed to teachers or school a lot by being a dad.

• 4:58Speaker 03

  Well, I cry a lot when I see something that's quite sweet in a school. When I'm in any sort of assembly or performance space, I will cry three or four times. But a lot of it's relief that the kids really enjoy going to school and they have a positive experience. So it's a relief and a joy as opposed to sort of any anger. But when I hear teacherly voices, it does make me get a bit tense until I realise, oh, actually, this person's really lovely. And some people hear that teacherly voice and get transported back to an amazing memory of school with a teacher they really liked. So it's me that's a problem, not the school or the teachers.

• 5:37Speaker 04

  Yes, interesting, interesting, Rob. Shall we?

• 5:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, but a lot of the time my brain just goes, why don't you all just fuck off? And I go, come on, Rob, let's let's have a little relax, do a bit of breathing.

• 5:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, hi, happy Monday.

• 5:51Speaker 03

  Now I feel bad for this poor teacher.

• 5:53Speaker 04

  It's Rob and Michael, that's all right. I haven't been able to get my moody teens to record an intro, but thought you might like this one for my whole year three class. Twenty nine, seven or eight year olds from Herewood Primary School in Loughton.

• 6:07Speaker 03

  In Essex.

• 6:08Speaker 04

  In Essex. It would make our week if you featured us. Stay sex and relatable, AKA Rachel, AKA Mrs Burrows.

• 6:16Speaker 03

  Mrs Burrows. You're all right, Josh. You're about unwell, aren't you? I can sense it.

• 6:20Speaker 04

  I'm really unwell. I'm not very well.

• 6:22Speaker 03

  And you text before we started.

• 6:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. Let's not pretend that you can sense him unwell.

• 6:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, I just want everyone that listens to think I'm this savant, but actually you just said, I feel a bit ill. Can we just, you know, do it earlier today?

• 6:33Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 6:34Speaker 03

  But he ended up being later because of my, my fault.

• 6:37Speaker 04

  It did end up being later, let's be honest.

• 6:38Speaker 03

  My fault. I've had a bit of a nightmare morning, dropped the kids at school and, well, because lose away. So basically I'm nicking your catchphrase for Rose. That's the second yawn in four minutes.

• 6:48Speaker 04

  I'm unwell. I've been asleep for the last hour. Like, I just need to go back to bed. I woke up.

• 6:57Speaker 04

  I'm walking like, um, this morning, do you know Mrs. Overall?

• 7:00Speaker 03

  He said, I'm unwell, like Alan Partridge. I'm unwell, Lynn.

• 7:04Speaker 04

  Yeah. Do you know Mrs. Overall from Acorn Antiques, Rob?

• 7:08Speaker 03

  No, what's Acorn Antiques?

• 7:10Speaker 04

  It's Victoria Wood.

• 7:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, I remember the dinner lady stuff of Victoria Wood, but, um, not Acorn Antiques.

• 7:15Speaker 04

  But Mrs. Overall was a character that Julie Walters would play. He was kind of hunched and she'd kind of shuffle.

• 7:20Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, I know it, yeah.

• 7:22Speaker 04

  And that's how I'm walking between rooms. Yeah.

• 7:25Speaker 03

  What's wrong? What's, if I'm the doctor, you've come in.

• 7:27Speaker 04

  I'm saying wasting your time because I'm just under the weather.

• 7:30Speaker 03

  Welcome, Mr. Whittaker. Um, take a seat. What can I help you with?

• 7:34Speaker 04

  I just don't feel great, so I'm going to go back to bed, doc.

• 7:38Speaker 03

  Cool. Okay. Thanks for coming.

• 7:40Speaker 04

  Um, I feel achy and tired.

• 7:43Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 7:44Speaker 04

  Um, I think I'm just a bit under the weather.

• 7:46Speaker 03

  Just a bit, well, I think you get like, you've had a very busy period. You had half term and now it's sort of like you're actually resting because you're not. This is your lull. You've got no last leg, no tour, no strictly until the autumn.

• 7:59Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 8:00Speaker 03

  What's, like, what, what have you actually got going on? Not, that sounded aggy. I didn't mean.

• 8:04Speaker 04

  I'm doing, I'm doing a pilot with you next week.

• 8:06Speaker 03

  Right. Yeah. Good. Yeah. Um, yes. Oh, yeah. I know. Yeah. Yeah. I know that one. That's one day, isn't it? That'd be fun though.

• 8:11Speaker 04

  That's one day. That'll be fun. Uh, I'm doing podcasts.

• 8:15Speaker 03

  What podcasts? This one and the, your pop culture?

• 8:18Speaker 04

  One, but they're more or less not too bad.

• 8:21Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 8:21Speaker 04

  And then I'm doing few gigs.

• 8:24Speaker 03

  Why are you doing gigs?

• 8:25Speaker 04

  A certain thing called money.

• 8:33Speaker 04

  A little thing I like to call greenbacks, Rob.

• 8:36Speaker 03

  A little greenback, some cheddar, some Benjamins.

• 8:38Speaker 04

  Benjamins, yeah. That's why I'm doing those gigs. So do come and see me.

• 8:45Speaker 03

  And these are summer festively gigs?

• 8:46Speaker 04

  They're often run by your friend of mine, Will Briggs. You know those kind of gigs.

• 8:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, tent in a park.

• 8:51Speaker 04

  Tent in a park, but lovely tent in a park.

• 8:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:55Speaker 04

  So I'm doing them. And then what else am I doing?

• 8:58Speaker 03

  Just, you need to relax.

• 8:59Speaker 04

  I'm doing a little thing for you and Ramesh, aren't I? I've got a couple of corporates.

• 9:04Speaker 03

  So it's actually quite chill. This is your body relaxing, Josh, and it's allowing itself to feel tired. Just feel, be tired, Josh.

• 9:11Speaker 04

  I'm just not very, I've just not got very much.

• 9:14Speaker 03

  Do you know what I mean? Did you take the kids to school this morning?

• 9:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:17Speaker 03

  Nice. Picking them up later?

• 9:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, I suppose. Literally not much in the diary at all.

• 9:23Speaker 03

  Lovely. So what's a fully charged Josh Willacham look like once he gets over this under the weather period?

• 9:30Speaker 04

  I wanna, I wanna get on with my hobbies.

• 9:32Speaker 03

  Come on then, give me your hobbies.

• 9:33Speaker 04

  Do you know what? I'm doing lots of photography at the moment, Rob.

• 9:36Speaker 03

  Are you?

• 9:37Speaker 04

  Yeah. I've been enjoying taking photographs. I've bought a camera. And I like running and photography.

• 9:44Speaker 03

  Ah, but never at the same time?

• 9:45Speaker 04

  Well, no, you wouldn't get a good focus.

• 9:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, but in both ways, both would suffer.

• 9:51Speaker 04

  Exactly. So I'd happily just do those two things for the rest of my life, to be honest.

• 9:55Speaker 03

  And is Rose around a lot? Is she working a lot at the moment or she what's her?

• 9:58Speaker 04

  I mean, she's around but working.

• 10:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:00Speaker 04

  So it's all very sedate. And we're currently planning summer holidays. That's a big thing.

• 10:07Speaker 03

  Like what to do with them over the, like, what's, what's, what's the plan?

• 10:10Speaker 04

  We're off and on away.

• 10:13Speaker 03

  Off and on away? What's off and on away?

• 10:15Speaker 04

  Away for certain weeks. Do you know what I mean?

• 10:18Speaker 03

  Like, yeah.

• 10:19Speaker 04

  So we've got three different aways.

• 10:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:22Speaker 04

  One abroad, two in the UK, and then in between. Couple of weeks of classes for them, like, you know, clubs.

• 10:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, day clubs, because they get bored after all.

• 10:32Speaker 04

  You don't want them to feel like there's no just sitting around as well, because I used to like just sitting around the house and pottering in the garden when I was a kid and someone, do you know what I mean?

• 10:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, definitely.

• 10:42Speaker 04

  Too much like it's back to back to back. What are you, how do you approach it?

• 10:46Speaker 03

  Same. We've got like a week of a club thing that they do where you drop them off at like nine till, well, like four. And, and then that's when I'm trying to consolidate my work stuff in.

• 10:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:57Speaker 03

  To sort of that week, like anything that could be moved into that week.

• 11:00Speaker 04

  So you're doing, you're doing kind of two months work in a week.

• 11:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. And I'll probably be really chilled at pick up at four for the kids from the, the thing. Obviously we've got that. Then we've got a weekend away in the UK in summer holidays. And we are, we go into a little road trip to, to Germany for five days. And I think we might go to Greece for a week at some point, but we're not, we're not sorted that out, but we want to be at home in the UK and.

• 11:25Speaker 04

  It's difficult, isn't it? Because suddenly you go, oh, right, this thing's coming up that I need to deal with. Do you know what I mean?

• 11:31Speaker 03

  What, what with what?

• 11:32Speaker 04

  Well, just with like, oh yeah, I've got to think about how we're doing childcare for those six weeks.

• 11:37Speaker 03

  Yeah. So basically it's like Lou's got work to do. So basically the plan is I'm going to try and get all my little odds and sods in that week that they're doing clubs.

• 11:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:47Speaker 03

  And then the rest of the five weeks, I'm sort of going to be mainly parent because Lou's got to work over the summer. So, because we are having a bit of a shift point, actually, me and Lou. Now the tour's finished and I wasn't been filming as much and Lou's forty in June. And a lot of her mates are forty around the same time. So from a combination of work, she was at Hay Festival. And she went to France for her friend's birthday. And then my birthday present to her was a trip to Nashville. She's gone to, she's currently in Nashville with her friends and away for four nights in Nashville. So I'm working in the day, but doing all the parenting. So I'm not away gigging in the evening. But what I'm having to do is everything that normally takes place between the hours of like.

• 12:32Speaker 03

  From eight thirty, when I drop them off till like four o'clock, four thirty. But then stuff gets dropped in, this presentation thing I had to go to for my eldest daughter at the school for some sort of science thing. I had to be there at half two.

• 12:43Speaker 04

  Exactly. Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 12:45Speaker 03

  So then that eats into your day.

• 12:47Speaker 04

  I had an away cricket fixtures last week.

• 12:50Speaker 03

  Yes, I went to the cricket fixture away last week.

• 12:53Speaker 04

  Oh, I had that. No, did you?

• 12:55Speaker 03

  No, that's us. I did that.

• 12:58Speaker 04

  We both did that.

• 13:00Speaker 03

  So what's happening?

• 13:01Speaker 04

  I had a Thursday afternoon, I was meant to be working.

• 13:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:04Speaker 04

  And then my daughter was like, we've got an away cricket fixture, can you come?

• 13:07Speaker 03

  That's exactly what happened to me.

• 13:09Speaker 04

  Is it?

• 13:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was supposed to be working, but then it didn't come, it wasn't happening.

• 13:12Speaker 04

  And then you're like, well, I suppose I can push the works, that's fine.

• 13:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, so I went to the cricket. Sorry, we were doing the same anecdote at the same time.

• 13:22Speaker 03

  I don't think this has ever happened before.

• 13:25Speaker 03

  I thought, I should, you said that, I was like, how the fuck did he know I want to watch it? I've not told him.

• 13:30Speaker 04

  And do you know what? Neither of us should have told the other because it's not, it's barely an anecdote.

• 13:35Speaker 03

  Well, is it because, you know, my daughter batted? Did your daughter bat?

• 13:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, a bit, yeah.

• 13:39Speaker 03

  Get your own stuff, mate. My daughter bowled, did your daughter bowl?

• 13:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, and I'm gonna say it.

• 13:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:46Speaker 04

  Seven and eight, she's eight, but obviously some of us are friends of seven.

• 13:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:50Speaker 04

  I was surprised that they, they've started doing overarm already.

• 13:54Speaker 03

  Yes, are they on hardball or softball?

• 13:56Speaker 04

  Don't know, it's too far away.

• 13:58Speaker 03

  Well, were they wearing pads?

• 13:59Speaker 04

  No, no, they must be on softball.

• 14:03Speaker 03

  Too far.

• 14:03Speaker 04

  One of them got knocked out, but.

• 14:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:07Speaker 04

  But that's because I'd said, get in a couple of bouncers early doors to let them know you're there. Do you know what I mean? I was like.

• 14:13Speaker 03

  The bowling's wild at young cricket, it's like.

• 14:17Speaker 04

  Well, I can't bowl and I'm forty two, I'm forty three.

• 14:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, she said to me, can you teach me how to bowl? I went, no, I can't actually.

• 14:22Speaker 04

  No, I can't. I think it's so difficult. It's really, really difficult to get bowling right.

• 14:28Speaker 03

  So what about my daughter? There was like varying degrees of quality of bowling, obviously, and then batting. And then this one girl went wide about two or three times, but she could throw it so far. I was like, I really hope she doesn't get it down the middle because if she does, she's gonna take someone's head off. Um, yeah, but so I went to an away fixture to watch that, but I was the only.

• 14:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 14:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Me and Lou were the only parents that went, so that felt quite good.

• 14:53Speaker 04

  Did that feel good?

• 14:55Speaker 03

  It felt good, actually. I felt like I'm better, actually.

• 14:57Speaker 04

  Well, I always feel in that situation, I hope there's some other parents, otherwise, you know, otherwise I could have probably. This isn't as important as my daughter was making out when she announced it at seven forty seven this morning.

• 15:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, but but we miss so much. So if there's anything like this presentation thing on the Thursday, I probably could have not gone, but I was like.

• 15:19Speaker 04

  Oh, I go to, yeah, yeah.

• 15:20Speaker 03

  So you've got to show up, especially because I've missed quite a few bits of things. I was like, I can't miss this.

• 15:25Speaker 04

  I've got a music concert next week and then I am I am missing sports day, which is the first time I've ever missed sports day.

• 15:31Speaker 03

  I missed the last two years. This year it's been in my diary for a whole year and say cannot be moved. And that's the only way to do it.

• 15:39Speaker 04

  It hadn't been announced and I'm actually doing that pilot with you, Rob, which I feel I cannot move because a lot of people.

• 15:46Speaker 03

  There's a lot of people involved, isn't it? Oh, I feel bad.

• 15:49Speaker 04

  Don't, no, no, don't. My daughter knows about the pilot. I actually.

• 15:54Speaker 03

  She knows about the pilot, but not the sports day?

• 15:56Speaker 04

  She doesn't know in clashes.

• 15:57Speaker 03

  Oh, right.

• 15:58Speaker 04

  It's her own fault because I said to her, here's a video of the foreign version of this show.

• 16:04Speaker 03

  Is there a video of this show that we're doing?

• 16:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, there's a video of the foreign version.

• 16:08Speaker 03

  I just saw your name and the fee.

• 16:10Speaker 04

  Oh, right. Is there a fee?

• 16:17Speaker 03

  I ain't going anywhere all day if there's no money involved. Yeah.

• 16:20Speaker 04

  And so I showed her a video and she said, yeah, you should definitely do that. So I'm doing it. So it's her own fault.

• 16:26Speaker 03

  No, it sounds like a fun idea. The great production company, you're involved, someone else is involved, do I really like?

• 16:32Speaker 04

  There's a fee.

• 16:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, there is a fee, as as most jobs have. That's not me being greedy.

• 16:37Speaker 04

  That's quite exciting. I hadn't even thought about the fee.

• 16:40Speaker 03

  Oh, don't you sit there trying to be all Mr. Oh, I'm like the bloody money hungry like lizard. Oh, I didn't even know it was a thing. I just thought it was a great opportunity for me and Rob to like collaborate.

• 16:51Speaker 04

  That's great because that obviously that'll help the charity that I'll be giving it to.

• 16:55Speaker 03

  Oh, leave it out, mate.

• 16:59Speaker 03

  Come on.

• 17:04Speaker 04

  So, yeah, I'm looking forward to summer. I'm looking forward to summer. I'm going to Kinky Boots.

• 17:09Speaker 03

  Kinky Boots, the theatre show?

• 17:10Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, Jojo's in it. So we're going on a Strictly outing to see.

• 17:14Speaker 03

  Oh, Jojo, oh, Johannes. So, right, do I have to call him Jojo? Like, does everyone call him Jojo? I thought his name was Johannes. I met him and he called me, he said Johannes.

• 17:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't know really. Yeah, I don't.

• 17:24Speaker 03

  So you're going to watch Jojo and Kinky Boots with Emma?

• 17:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, I am, yeah. I'm going to watch Paddington, the musical.

• 17:30Speaker 03

  With them as well?

• 17:32Speaker 04

  No, with my children.

• 17:33Speaker 03

  Hang on, hang on. Can I, can I just say something here? I've worked with you for six years.

• 17:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:37Speaker 03

  On this, and we've worked together for ten years before that.

• 17:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:41Speaker 03

  The last time we had a day out was we accidentally bumped into each other at Wimbledon because we didn't know we were going at the same time. Yeah?

• 17:46Speaker 04

  Exactly, yeah, yeah.

• 17:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, another, another bat and ball sport that we were both attending at the same time without realising.

• 17:51Speaker 04

  Exactly, yeah, that's how it was. Are you going this year?

• 17:54Speaker 03

  I know it's a racket anyway for the little twat listening that's gonna tell me off.

• 17:57Speaker 04

  The whole thing's a bloody racket. Um, are you going this year?

• 18:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, I am actually. I'm actually going with, um, Darcy Bussel and, um, Anton de Bec.

• 18:06Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, good. Well, I'll see you there.

• 18:09Speaker 03

  Darcy Bussel's not on it anymore, is she?

• 18:10Speaker 04

  No.

• 18:10Speaker 03

  No, it's Shelley Ballas.

• 18:11Speaker 04

  Shelley Ballas.

• 18:12Speaker 03

  No, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not going. Um, it's too busy. So basically, because it's Lou's birthday, so she's got away, so I'm doing more parenting now, which is what I wanted, which is great. So it's actually, um.

• 18:21Speaker 04

  Careful what you wish for.

• 18:23Speaker 03

  Well, agreed, because the early mornings are absolutely killing me. And also, Lou, Lou left instructions for me.

• 18:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:29Speaker 03

  About what was happening over these three days, like I was California man crossed with an alien that arrived that morning.

• 18:35Speaker 04

  Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 18:36Speaker 03

  In charge of her children. And I was like, at one point she tried to talk me through the washing machine. I was like, I know how the washing machine works.

• 18:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:44Speaker 03

  Okay, sure, you're, you are in charge of more of that than me. And would you have a cleaner that does some of the washing as well?

• 18:50Speaker 04

  I was gonna say, I was about to say that, yeah.

• 18:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, we have a cleaner that comes a couple of times a week that cleans and then does some washing. Okay? So I'm not doing a lot of washing. However, I have used a washing machine before. I'm sure I'll be able to cope for four days. Yeah?

• 19:03Speaker 04

  Eco.

• 19:04Speaker 03

  Eco fifteen minutes, bish bash bop. And then you put, you get one of these sachets, you put that in the washing machine. Then you open this drawer and put comfort in it. I was like, what do you think I am? What kind of moron do you think I am that's just basically just strolling around the world, talking into microphones with no idea how to live? Anyway, so she's away. So I've got the kids and I'm up at half six and it's brutal. I had, it's so weird though. I just, when I'm asleep, I'm fully asleep, right? It's really hard to wake me up. So when our kids come in at night, or if they come in at night, Lou will wake up before and then give slight, sometimes gives me slight digs going, oh, I got up again with them. I'm like, wake me and I'll go. But it takes me so long to wake up that by the time she's woke me up, she could just be in the bed with them or putting them back to bed

• 19:49Speaker 03

  or whatever. Anyway, so my daughter came in the other night and I was so confused. In my head, because my daughter had a sleepover the weekend before. And then obviously my other daughter had the sleepover thing that she was worried about. So in my head, I was sort of dreaming, I'd like, I, I think it was like, oh, you're in charge of all the children alone. And in my head, I was like, someone else had said, oh, do you want to do a sleepover? And I said, let's do sleepovers when my man dad are here. You know, because in case someone needs to go home or whatever, someone can do the drive. And then in my head, I was like, well, they had a sleepover? So that then in the night, when my daughter woke me up, I could see this like shape of like a child. And I was going.

• 20:29Speaker 04

  Oh, my God.

• 20:30Speaker 03

  No, you're not allowed in here.

• 20:32Speaker 04

  Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

• 20:35Speaker 03

  At my own job, she's like, whoa. And I was like, who are you? And the kids this morning keep going to me, who are you?

• 20:46Speaker 03

  She was like, it's me, it's your daughter.

• 20:52Speaker 03

  This episode is brought to you by HubSpot.

• 20:54Speaker 04

  Now, you know that moment when your kid casually drops in? They've got a massive project due tomorrow. No warning, no context, just a hope, a prayer and a long night ahead.

• 21:05Speaker 03

  That's what most businesses settle for with AI. Zero context, leaving you to fill in the gaps. But with HubSpot, your AI has the context on every customer. So you don't have to guess, you know.

• 21:16Speaker 04

  Plus, agents help keep your business moving automatically, freeing you up for more pressing jobs. Like last minute dash to the craft suppliers.

• 21:25Speaker 03

  Learn more at hubspot.com.

• 21:29Speaker 06

  Unfocused, foggy, you might be dehydrated. Gatorade Zero powders have been scientifically designed to help improve hydration balance in the body with a clinically proven electrolyte blend and no artificial colors or flavors. Great tasting hydration, no matter where you're going. Shop now online or at retailers nationwide. Gatorade hydrates better than water. Is it in you? Symptoms noted are signs of mild to moderate dehydration. Consult a healthcare professional if symptoms persist.

• 21:58Speaker 07

  Whenever fall comes back around, it always feels like a fresh start. This year, I've been layering in some styles from the new Lululemon Fall Drop because the weather is shifting and I find I have to be ready for the entire day and not just one part of it. Lululemon's Fall line has some really versatile transitional pieces, so I can just wake up, throw on a matching set, add a jacket or a fleece and head out, knowing that I'll feel comfortable enough to go wherever the day takes me. Check out the new fall arrivals in store and online now at lululemon.com.

• 22:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, so that the getting up early kills me. So what I've been doing is getting all their stuff ready.

• 22:35Speaker 04

  What time are you going to bed?

• 22:37Speaker 03

  So probably about 10 or 11. I've been leaving my phone downstairs.

• 22:41Speaker 04

  Oh, you're doing your work phone, normal phone?

• 22:43Speaker 03

  I haven't got a work phone, normal phone by the way, yet, but I've been leaving my phone downstairs at night. And then I, in bed, what I do then is

• 22:51Speaker 04

  Shag.

• 22:52Speaker 03

  Watch a documentary on an iPad and then I'm sort of falling asleep because the iPad's sort of rested on my, like, on a pillow on my

• 23:01Speaker 04

  Ick.

• 23:01Speaker 03

  Chest.

• 23:02Speaker 04

  Sorry.

• 23:03Speaker 03

  Stop it. And I fall asleep, then I go, oh, you're going to sleep now, then you fold up the iPad. I'm just trying to be so nice and you're being so rude.

• 23:11Speaker 04

  I'm in course.

• 23:11Speaker 03

  Talk about the crude retorts.

• 23:14Speaker 04

  Sorry, too many crude retorts.

• 23:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, so I get out there, I get the iPad out and just wipe my dick till smoke comes off it and roll over and just fucking snore.

• 23:21Speaker 04

  There's your crude retort. If you could lose my bits, Michael, so that it would stick to character.

• 23:30Speaker 03

  So, um, I can't remember what I was talking about. So I was doing.

• 23:34Speaker 04

  So how's that been going? Phone downstairs?

• 23:36Speaker 03

  Good, very good. Um, but, um, I've been getting all of their stuff ready the night before because I've accepted I've got nothing in the morning.

• 23:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:45Speaker 03

  I just, it takes me so long to wake up and so I'm just getting it all packed the night before.

• 23:49Speaker 04

  I'd quite like this as a, as an email in, right? What is your distance? I want the shortest distance that people leave. So we have a lot, but your distance, often we get up before alarm because the kids will wake up.

• 24:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:04Speaker 04

  How long are you leaving in the morning?

• 24:07Speaker 03

  For to get ready to leave?

• 24:08Speaker 04

  To get ready with your kids. So I don't want anyone who's like, I haven't got kids. I'm in and out in 15 minutes.

• 24:14Speaker 03

  All right. So like what, what, the longest and shortest. So what type between wake up to departure? So between wake up and departure, we're looking at, I'd say an hour and 15 minutes.

• 24:26Speaker 04

  Yeah. So that's.

• 24:27Speaker 03

  But that is a very chilled.

• 24:29Speaker 04

  That's exactly what we're leaving and I think we could do it quicker.

• 24:33Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 24:33Speaker 04

  We do have a buffer in that, which is unlike me.

• 24:37Speaker 03

  Well, you know, we could definitely.

• 24:37Speaker 04

  I think I'm up at six 45 and we leave the house at eight. It's a question for Michael. How long would he leave?

• 24:44Speaker 03

  We could definitely do it quicker, but that is a, a nice calm get ready in the morning where everyone eats and just get, I have a shower and.

• 24:51Speaker 04

  Michael, how long would you need to leave if you were, if you're getting up, if you're leaving at eight, what time you setting your alarm? I mean, terrifyingly close to eight in most cases. I, I effectively have a uniform now, so probably eight 45. I don't have to worry about, I don't have hair, so I don't have to worry about that. What 45, 45 minutes?

• 25:11Speaker 03

  No, it's seven 45.

• 25:13Speaker 04

  Seven, yeah, we'll go back in time. Um, yeah, seven, seven 45, I'd say. Seven 45.

• 25:21Speaker 03

  So I would, if I was in a hotel room and I was leaving at eight AM.

• 25:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:24Speaker 03

  Yeah. I would probably get up at seven 40.

• 25:26Speaker 04

  Would you? I'm leaving an hour still.

• 25:29Speaker 03

  Oh my God. No wonder you're exhausted and tired and ill.

• 25:31Speaker 04

  I know. Who am I? Do you know what? I've really woken up though. That extra hour of sleep I had because you had to relocate this podcast. I feel much better now.

• 25:40Speaker 03

  Do you know what? I am too. I'm your cow pole.

• 25:42Speaker 04

  You are my cow pole.

• 25:43Speaker 03

  You're having 7.5 milliliters of me injected into the back of your gob.

• 25:47Speaker 04

  Let me suck you down.

• 25:48Speaker 03

  Take this fucking paracetamol.

• 25:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:51Speaker 03

  Bitch.

• 25:52Speaker 04

  Give me your little, what what are they called? Syringe?

• 25:55Speaker 03

  Syringe, my little syringe.

• 25:57Speaker 04

  Push it down my gullet.

• 25:59Speaker 03

  I'm gonna, I'm gonna stand myself upside down, insert the syringe.

• 26:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:04Speaker 03

  Pull, release and pump it into your little, little mouth.

• 26:08Speaker 04

  I'm gonna hungrily gobble it down.

• 26:10Speaker 03

  The gobble, gobble. Feeling better yet? Jits and butcher gone down yet?

• 26:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm feeling as good as I've ever felt. Um, anyway.

• 26:21Speaker 04

  Next question.

• 26:23Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 26:23Speaker 04

  So have I told you my daughter's got, so she's got an iPad, right?

• 26:28Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah.

• 26:29Speaker 04

  And she's got the ability to iMessage me when I'm out.

• 26:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, we, I have that, yeah.

• 26:35Speaker 04

  So.

• 26:35Speaker 03

  With my daughter.

• 26:36Speaker 04

  I was doing something last night, I was out, she messaged me, um, can I get Minecraft?

• 26:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:44Speaker 04

  And I'm like, I don't know, I don't know what the.

• 26:49Speaker 04

  You're at home with your mum, I can't make this call now because I don't, I know that's one of those things where there's probably a sim. I don't know anything about it.

• 26:57Speaker 03

  No, also I think the first time they download an app, you might, you wanna be with them so you can double check all the privacy and privy. You're not just approving it, you know, sometimes it's like.

• 27:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:06Speaker 03

  One pound of.

• 27:06Speaker 04

  That's why she's asking, because I have to approve, right? I've annoyingly set it up so that I'm the approval.

• 27:14Speaker 03

  Oh no, we've got double approval.

• 27:15Speaker 04

  Right.

• 27:16Speaker 03

  It's a two factor authent- authorisation approval system. No, no, is it? No, no, one can do it, but.

• 27:22Speaker 04

  Right, yeah. So obviously I'm straight on your friend of mine, Google Gemini, can an eight year old have Minecraft?

• 27:29Speaker 03

  I think Minecraft's actually decent.

• 27:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, that's what it said. It said, yeah, that's good.

• 27:33Speaker 03

  It's better of, better than Roblox.

• 27:35Speaker 04

  She's entering a competition where you have to design your, a school from the future on Minecraft or something. This was what was happening.

• 27:44Speaker 03

  Bloody burning ruins the way the bloody world's going.

• 27:46Speaker 04

  Oh, here we go, here we go, yeah.

• 27:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, it would just be a chip that you put in your head and you have all knowledge.

• 27:51Speaker 04

  Exactly, and Rob will be fine because for once you won't get angry about the thought of school, it'll be ideal.

• 27:57Speaker 04

  Um, and she, um, so this morning, she's, she's on Minecraft.

• 28:03Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 28:03Speaker 04

  And she goes, oh dad, you just press that button. I was like looking at her shoulder. She said, press that button up or something down. I've just pressed the button. She just went down into the water and she was underwater and stuck.

• 28:15Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 28:16Speaker 04

  And she couldn't get herself out now. She was like, what have you done? And I thought, oh my God, I've become one of those dads.

• 28:22Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 28:22Speaker 04

  That can't handle modern technology.

• 28:25Speaker 03

  So you drowned her. You drowned her avatar.

• 28:27Speaker 04

  Well, she didn't drown. She was, you know, they don't drown.

• 28:30Speaker 03

  You want to board it, her avatar.

• 28:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, she was under there for fucking ages as well. It's a nightmare.

• 28:35Speaker 03

  Fucking lungs on this fella.

• 28:36Speaker 04

  I've become like when my dad used to pick up the joystick backwards after I'd say, do you want to play? Do you know what I mean?

• 28:42Speaker 03

  Or, or, or lean to the left.

• 28:44Speaker 04

  Yeah. And you're like, oh fucking hell, grandad, this is embarrassing. That kind of feel.

• 28:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:50Speaker 04

  I just like, oh God, that's me now. That's who I am.

• 28:54Speaker 03

  No, but you can change that. I mean, I, I still like computer games. Planet Zoo two is coming out soon and I'm gonna have that.

• 29:01Speaker 04

  Right. So what is that? Is that like SimCity for zoos?

• 29:04Speaker 03

  Zoos.

• 29:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, that sounds like one of your punchlines. Honestly, it was like SimCity for zoos.

• 29:13Speaker 03

  Yes, but, but be careful. You want to get the settings right because my daughter accidentally had settings where other people could come and visit her world. They couldn't interact with her or talk to her, but they could come and visit. So people can come and you can show off your created world. But she had a thing where you can put on it, they're not allowed to tamper with the world or they can edit the world. She left it open to be edited. Someone came into her world and poured lava over everything and just burned it all and just.

• 29:42Speaker 04

  Oh my God.

• 29:43Speaker 03

  Completely blitzed the whole.

• 29:44Speaker 04

  What?

• 29:45Speaker 03

  Land. She spent eight weeks building this and then she was so upset. It was like, she was like grieving a loss of something because. I know it's on a computer, but she, it's equivalent to, you know, building a den in the woods and someone setting it on fire.

• 29:57Speaker 04

  And did she know who it was?

• 29:58Speaker 03

  Yeah. Oh, yeah. But it was some username. So I can't remember what it is. She'd, she'd still remember, but she's out. She's at school. It would be like something like, you know, Baker, get like.

• 30:07Speaker 04

  And you couldn't do anything. You couldn't like.

• 30:09Speaker 03

  No, it's gone.

• 30:11Speaker 04

  Oh my God.

• 30:12Speaker 03

  That's heartbreaking.

• 30:13Speaker 04

  Oh my God.

• 30:14Speaker 03

  So get, make sure the settings are right. Cause what happens is they update the app and you have to redo the settings. That's the problem.

• 30:20Speaker 04

  Oh my god, oh god.

• 30:23Speaker 03

  Stop trying to keep an ear in your pocket, mate.

• 30:25Speaker 04

  Oh, Rob, it's all too much for me. It's all too much.

• 30:29Speaker 03

  It is too, it is too much, this.

• 30:32Speaker 04

  It really is.

• 30:33Speaker 03

  I think it's because doing a tour show as your job, right? And you travel to little towns and you get into a routine of what you do. Once you're doing it, it actually becomes quite simple.

• 30:43Speaker 04

  Oh, it really does, because you're like, I get there, I have the same dinner.

• 30:48Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 30:48Speaker 04

  I do that, I get back in the car, I have my shreddies, I know where I am with it. I get home, I do the school run, and then I go again. Do you know what I mean?

• 30:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, but it's actually, it's harder mentally, I think, sometimes to juggle normal parent life of get to that presentation, do this, oh my god, what's that parent's name? Go here, do that, make sure you're there for that time. Like, one of my daughters joined a cricket club, so I've got to wait for him to finish school, get him there, but I've got to make sure I've got her an outfit to wear for cricket in a bag, but also we're going straight from the school to the cricket, so we're gonna need some sort of lunch, go and make like dinner, dinner thing. And so it's just a constant change where, just chut me out of the stage. And obviously, I know that we moaned about touring, but it's the travels, the hard bit, but it's not difficult, it's just laborious. It's not mentally challenging, it's just like, hard being away.

• 31:39Speaker 04

  What would it be called? It kind of infantilizes you. It makes you.

• 31:43Speaker 03

  That's why all footballers are a bit like.

• 31:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:45Speaker 03

  Oh, where's my passport? Because I've had it for thirty years.

• 31:48Speaker 04

  Totally, you're totally looked after, not completely, like, we're not, not in the same way as being in a football team, but you know that, I, I often get the train to the venue, but I, I know how to get a train.

• 32:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, of course. Good job you do as well with your schedule.

• 32:05Speaker 04

  Even when I'm on the train, without being crass, you know, I'll, I'll go first class.

• 32:09Speaker 03

  You're travelling style, quite right. You work hard.

• 32:11Speaker 04

  So someone's bringing me tea and someone's bringing me fizzy water, so I'm even infantilized on the fucking train. And then Ali will pick me up from the station, I'll get in the back of the van, we'll get there, I'll do the sound check, which is thirty to forty-five seconds. And then.

• 32:30Speaker 04

  That's all I've got to do for two hours and then I'll sit and I'll look at my phone and I'll eat the dinner that Ali has gone and got and then I'll do the show and then I'll have the fucking cheek to be tired.

• 32:43Speaker 03

  But it's to travel, it's not the show and all that, it's to travel into Doncaster then Derby, that's the, that's the bit that's difficult, not the actual gig, the gig's the easy bit.

• 32:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly. It's kind of switched from when we were in our twenties when we'd just go, yeah, I could be, I would never get tired, I can go anywhere. But the bit that's difficult is I'm shit at stand up.

• 33:03Speaker 03

  Oh my God, imagine if you were shit at stand up, it would be the worst job ever.

• 33:06Speaker 04

  God, it'd be awful.

• 33:08Speaker 03

  Cause it's quite challenging and I'm decent, do you know what I mean?

• 33:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly. At least I know I'm good at stand up and a thousand people in that room want to see me.

• 33:18Speaker 03

  Cause sometimes I hear people moan and I go, God, it's so, I'm like, well, the stand up bit's the easy bit, mate. What's, what's going on here? Maybe don't do it, maybe do something else. You feel like being a writer.

• 33:28Speaker 04

  Exactly, exactly.

• 33:29Speaker 03

  Even though it is a bit of a challenge with this and I'm a bit here and everywhere, I'm absolutely loving it cause I feel very present and anchored into the girls' lives and we're messing around, listening to songs and laughing and playing silly games. So I'm really enjoying sort of doing more parenting. Um, and being at home, which is something I've wanted for a little while. So that's good.

• 33:48Speaker 04

  It's really good and that's why I'm slightly annoyed to be ill because I was really looking, but I've got next week off basically.

• 33:54Speaker 03

  So just allow yourself to be ill, Josh. You've, you've been non-stop. Also, don't forget the pressure of a big announcement for Strictly and all of the things that come with it. And that week when it was being announced, you were everywhere.

• 34:07Speaker 04

  And then the World Cup starts next week.

• 34:09Speaker 03

  I'm, I'm so excited for the World Cup. I'm so, I'm, I'm, I, I cannot exist without sport. I've realised when the season's over, I've got nothing that anchors my week and I feel lost at sea.

• 34:21Speaker 04

  Do you know what? It's interesting you say that because.

• 34:23Speaker 03

  I've not been listening to Talk Sport.

• 34:25Speaker 04

  You've not been listening to Talk Sport? Oh my God, I thought you were less angry.

• 34:31Speaker 04

  I am not as into football as I was in the, I don't watch it that much, but I realised when the season ends, it's still my marker, it's still my thing I'm checking every night. Oh, great, there's a football match, I can follow the score. And I'm still follow it. It's still the soundtrack to my week. Do you know what I mean?

• 34:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, hundred percent. And also, I feel so old and boring now. That is really the big excitement of my life is football. Cause it's, you know, like last night, Lou's like here, the kids were in bed. I went downstairs, I went, do you know what I'll do? I don't want to watch telly. I'm gonna.

• 35:02Speaker 04

  Shag my laptop.

• 35:04Speaker 03

  Listen to a podcast. No, I'm gonna listen to the podcast. Yeah, I went downstairs. What do you know what I'm doing? I'm gonna just fuck the letterbox. Just gonna open it up and just stick my dick in it and rough ride it till the morning. No, I said, I'm gonna listen to a podcast and do some Lego. I'm building a Jurassic Park jeep, okay?

• 35:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:22Speaker 03

  And then this is out, and I just thought, what has hap- I'm only forty, right? But I felt ancient. I've got a bottle of Fanta Zero Fruit Twist. It's my favourite fizzy drink.

• 35:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, treat yourself.

• 35:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, love it. Cause the.

• 35:34Speaker 04

  Good to put some real energy into you before bed.

• 35:37Speaker 03

  Well, that's what I was thinking, but it's zero sugar.

• 35:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:39Speaker 03

  So I thought of it. But that's what I thought. I thought, oh, should I have that? Cause it might have a bit of, and I'm like, what? It's zero sugar.

• 35:46Speaker 04

  Fucking hell, Stephen Bartlett.

• 35:48Speaker 03

  I'm having two glasses of Fanta, and I feel like, oh my god, like, this is too, I was like, I better not have a third.

• 35:54Speaker 04

  Out for three days.

• 35:55Speaker 03

  Fuck. I'd be having like eight pints a night, four days a week when I worked in an office job.

• 35:59Speaker 04

  I know. It's mental. It's mental.

• 36:02Speaker 03

  Absolutely pathetic. Anyway, however though, I do think getting early nights and, you know, not being drunk and a little bit less stressed now, you know. I was at the school concert, right, Josh? And this was the whole of the primary school. I sat there. I'm looking around the room, all the parents, okay?

• 36:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:21Speaker 03

  One parent walked in with Bluetooth headset on, with a laptop open mid-meeting, like just before, you know, like, you know, the ten minutes before it starts, everyone shuffling around and waiting and that. And he's powing through some fucking serious business, right? Like literally, like.

• 36:36Speaker 04

  Could he not just sit in the car?

• 36:38Speaker 03

  It looked like LinkedIn had come alive and generated into human form. Anyway, so I sat there, I looked around to Lou, and I said, Lou.

• 36:47Speaker 03

  I reckon I'm top, I reckon I'm top 10% of many attractiveness.

• 36:53Speaker 04

  Fucking hell.

• 36:54Speaker 03

  Out of all the school dads, I think, I think you're looking at a top 10%.

• 36:57Speaker 04

  So why do you go to such an ugly school, Rob?

• 37:05Speaker 03

  I looked around, I went, I'm in the top 10, I said, I worked it out, because I realised a lot of the other 10% was made up of people in the same year, with my kids in the same year. Which is like year three and year five, yeah, because we're younger than people older in the school normally, because, you know, people have kids around the same time. So we're a younger group, which helps, yeah. Also, the ones that are younger than us have got kids in reception, they're still completely fucked because they've got like toddlers, babies, reception, they're all over the place. Well, we're, we're, we're getting into a little bit of a groove before real aging sets in. So we're hitting a bit of a sweet spot of we've got enough time to go to the gym, but our bodies are still in a shape where we can go to the gym.

• 37:49Speaker 03

  So I feel like I'm benefiting from that sweet spot, but I don't want to, I don't want to sound arrogant here, but I'd say I'm, I'm in the top 10% of, of school dads.

• 37:58Speaker 04

  Well, this is what I think, Rob. I think this is interesting. I, I do think I probably look younger than a lot of others. That is, A, I genetically do look quite young for some reason.

• 38:09Speaker 03

  Yeah. Also, I think that there is a lot of bald men at this school, which really pumps you up the charts.

• 38:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly.

• 38:15Speaker 03

  When you get to 40, you've got good hair, fucking hell, it's great. Your top trump card really starts to pump up.

• 38:21Speaker 04

  Do you know what? There's not many comedians of our, our generation who are going bald.

• 38:26Speaker 03

  Great, I'm in, let's go for them. I've never been more in since Imagine This. Okay. Right, so Dara O'Brien bald, older than us, different generation.

• 38:36Speaker 04

  Older than us, yeah.

• 38:37Speaker 03

  So, good hair. Ramesh, unbelievable.

• 38:41Speaker 04

  Ramesh looks like he's got all his hair. Acast has got all his hair.

• 38:45Speaker 03

  He's, however, Acast's hair is the same colour as his face. I don't know what's happened to him. He looks like, all of him's the same colour. His face, skin, hair, the lot. I've never seen it, I've never seen anyone's face.

• 38:57Speaker 04

  Like a Simpson.

• 39:00Speaker 03

  He is the same colour all over. It's remarkable.

• 39:04Speaker 04

  But then you go through all of them. Kevin Bridge is younger than us, right?

• 39:07Speaker 03

  But he's got good hair. Even McIntyre's only a little bit older than us.

• 39:10Speaker 04

  McIntyre's fifty. He's got good hair. And then you've got, um, Ed Gamble's got all his hair.

• 39:16Speaker 03

  Nish, good hair.

• 39:17Speaker 04

  Nish has got good hair.

• 39:19Speaker 03

  Reece James got good hair. He's a little bit younger than us.

• 39:21Speaker 04

  Reece James has got good hair.

• 39:22Speaker 03

  Um, and also do we do?

• 39:24Speaker 04

  What are the other TV shows? Well, Jonathan Ross has got incredible hair.

• 39:28Speaker 03

  Unbelievable hair. I'm just trying to think.

• 39:30Speaker 04

  You're only really looking at Harry Hill and Dara, who've never had their hair.

• 39:34Speaker 03

  No.

• 39:35Speaker 04

  As far as I'm aware, they came into comedy bald.

• 39:38Speaker 03

  John Richardson's.

• 39:40Speaker 04

  John Richardson's.

• 39:41Speaker 03

  Clinging on. He's fine. He ain't going swimming or to a windy cliff top. He's standing well. He's getting his hair dry. Sharpish.

• 39:51Speaker 03

  Well, Jimmy had a hair transplant, but he's, you know, seven hundred and fifty three.

• 39:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't think you can factor in Jimmy when you're discussing like looks and age because it's just, he's not, it's not applicable.

• 40:04Speaker 03

  No, his first gig was a jester at Hampton Court Palace.

• 40:09Speaker 03

  But yeah, no, there's not many bald comedians, is there? Really?

• 40:12Speaker 04

  Yeah. So what's that all about? There you go.

• 40:14Speaker 03

  Andy Parsons was bald forever.

• 40:16Speaker 04

  Matt Locus, obviously.

• 40:17Speaker 03

  Matt Locus, yeah, obviously.

• 40:18Speaker 04

  There you go. I don't know what that's all about. Don't know what that's all about.

• 40:23Speaker 03

  I don't know what that's all about, but let's know if you've got any thoughts on it.

• 40:26Speaker 04

  Why is there more bald men at the school gates than there is when I'm in a dressing room? Discuss.

• 40:30Speaker 03

  Is it, it does, can the stress cause baldness?

• 40:34Speaker 04

  But are we more or less stressed? I think we're less stressed.

• 40:37Speaker 03

  We are way less. Josh, I was thinking about this the other day, right? I've been watching a lot of documentaries about bands that I liked when I was young. Because now they've sort of either reformed or enough times passed that they can talk to each other.

• 40:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:50Speaker 03

  And I don't want to name names, but and there was a few artists.

• 40:53Speaker 04

  The Good Shoes documentary.

• 40:55Speaker 03

  What's that?

• 40:55Speaker 04

  The Good Shoes documentary.

• 40:57Speaker 03

  What's the good shoes?

• 40:58Speaker 04

  Wasn't Good Shoes a band that you like? No, Milburn, Milburn.

• 41:01Speaker 03

  Milburn. No, but I was just looking, because there's loads of sort of bands that I like that like, you know, and there's people that Jamie T hasn't done an album for a little while and stuff like that. He was brilliant. And I was just thinking, oh, my God, like, I'm so lucky to get to do what I do for a living and to have the career I've had when there's, you know, obviously I've worked hard and put effort in and I think I've got talent. But there's loads of people that worked hard, loads of people that got talent that didn't quite get as many lucky breaks that I may have got in my time. And I'm just so, I just sometimes think, I'm so lucky to have this.

• 41:30Speaker 04

  Totally. Have you ever seen like an interview with someone who's got to the top of, or, you know, near the top of what they do, and they go, all you've got to do is try hard and put in all the effort and make it your thing, follow your dream and it'll happen. And I always think, no, it won't. For most people, it doesn't.

• 41:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:53Speaker 04

  Your sample is one person who got lucky. Don't trick people into thinking everyone can do this. Cause some, we're incredibly lucky that we got through. Do you know what I mean?

• 42:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:03Speaker 04

  And that sounds a bit negative, but what I mean, what I'm saying is not, it won't happen. What I'm saying is, if it doesn't happen, that's not because you didn't try hard enough.

• 42:12Speaker 03

  No, if it does happen, that's not all because of you. And if it doesn't happen, that's not all because of you.

• 42:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, totally, totally.

• 42:18Speaker 03

  And that's what frustrates me a little bit when I've been reading up on dyslexia since I got diagnosed is sometimes I always go.

• 42:24Speaker 04

  Which isn't easy.

• 42:26Speaker 03

  Well, that's the, my point is it's really hard. No, it is. But there was a couple of books where they have it in bigger print, which does help with different colours. But you panicked about that, Joe, didn't you?

• 42:36Speaker 04

  I did, yeah.

• 42:36Speaker 03

  Considering we've talked about me putting my dick through a letterbox, now you're panicking that, you know, if you're dyslexic, you'll find it hard to read. I mean, that's fine. You can do that joke.

• 42:43Speaker 04

  But it's those jokes where you go, oh, it's a bit cheap. And is it, you know, it's the classic, it's like when someone goes, he's deaf and you go, what? It's that kind of joke.

• 42:52Speaker 03

  No, but it's, it's good stuff. In my opinion, it's good stuff. No, because that's, I had a joke in my show about it where I got diagnosed dyslexic. They sent me a full report that I've never been able to read. I've given up on it about a hundred times. But they sometimes go with that. Oh, but Richard Branson's dyslexic or so and so's dyslexic. I went. Yeah, but that is the absolute minority. Most people that are dyslexic are in workplaces they find incredibly difficult and haven't really progressed as far as they could have because they didn't have the support they needed at that time. Or maybe didn't have the confidence to push themselves. So let's stop telling everyone it's a superpower and you're really lucky because things do need to be changed and adjusted to accommodate the minority so that the minority becomes the majority, you know?

• 43:31Speaker 04

  Well, it's like when someone goes, you know, oh, my son's autistic and someone go, oh, what are they brilliant at then? And you're like, this doesn't quite work like that.

• 43:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's not just that. There's lots going on here. That's a real, you know.

• 43:43Speaker 03

  Yeah. It really affects a lot of the day to day life.

• 43:46Speaker 04

  Incredible drawing, is he? No, what? That's not.

• 43:52Speaker 04

  Okay, now for a special part of the show, the summer holiday survival guide. Go for it, Rob.

• 43:58Speaker 03

  Look, we know it's tricky. Six weeks can be a lot, but no fear. Rob and Josh are here to help with a guide to help you get prepared.

• 44:04Speaker 04

  As prepared as you can. Do you know what I mean? We'll try our best. This special segment.

• 44:10Speaker 03

  With good intentions.

• 44:11Speaker 04

  With good intentions. This special segment is brought to you by Monzo, who make managing money with kids a little easier.

• 44:18Speaker 03

  Monzo's free kids account can help you and them get some structure into the summer holiday.

• 44:22Speaker 04

  Like scheduling pocket money to avoid the constant, can I have some money asks? And kids can set up their own pots for things they want to do over the summer holiday.

• 44:29Speaker 03

  Name their pots and add pictures. It gets them a bit more involved.

• 44:32Speaker 04

  Too right, Rob. What are the things your kids want money for in the summer holidays?

• 44:36Speaker 03

  Um, they constantly want an ice cream at all times.

• 44:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, constantly.

• 44:41Speaker 03

  And they can add up, but I think maybe my kids could have an ice cream pot. And then that way they they've got, that's their budget for ice creams for the summer.

• 44:50Speaker 04

  And constant gift shops, Rob. Wherever we go, if there's a day out, can I get something from the gift shop? Can I get something from the gift shop? When are we leaving so I can go to the gift shop?

• 44:59Speaker 03

  Do you know what you can do though for your kids? You know, you've got the little garden set up that was the present from the grandparents. You can have a little pot for like flowers, money for flowers, money for equipment for the garden and stuff like that. And then it encourages them to do more.

• 45:13Speaker 04

  Do you know what? Summer is a long time, but it's a good way to teach them the budget. It, Rob. So I say, here's your two pounds.

• 45:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:21Speaker 04

  Use it as you want over the next six weeks.

• 45:23Speaker 03

  Well, what we've been doing though is making them learn about earning money. So there's, we got, when we cut the grass, we don't have, I don't put the little thing on it that collects it. I let it go on the floor and then they have to rake it.

• 45:36Speaker 04

  Oh, there we go. Yeah. What I've done is I've got my daughter to do my last three tour dates.

• 45:40Speaker 03

  Absolutely. Brilliant idea. You can see pressure. You can see, you know, responsibility.

• 45:45Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 45:46Speaker 03

  And from a distance, if you put her in sort of like a, you know, completely average Oxford shirt, jeans and dirty pair of trainers, from the back rows, someone might go, gosh, Josh does look smaller in real life.

• 45:57Speaker 04

  And he is funnier.

• 46:01Speaker 04

  In terms of the holidays, Rob, what do you like to do that isn't, you know, costing the world?

• 46:07Speaker 03

  Do you know what I like? This is my little hack I like to do is if you are about to like renovate something, say you've got a bedroom that you're going to paint soon, or there's a wall or a cupboard, or you know, you've got a bit of furniture.

• 46:19Speaker 04

  Can't imagine that, but yeah.

• 46:23Speaker 03

  How is the kitchen?

• 46:24Speaker 04

  What kitchen?

• 46:27Speaker 03

  I, I let them draw on the walls.

• 46:30Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 46:30Speaker 03

  Cause if they're going to be painted over anyway, they feel so naughty, so excited. And also after all, it does look quite nice. So like if there's, you know, or you've got an old bit of furniture, we let them paint it in the garden or they can do what they want to. It's the stuff like that is, is quite good fun. If you, if you have got a bit of renovating going on.

• 46:45Speaker 04

  People overlook, kids do love to help if there's a big job. Do you know, and you forget, it's easy to forget that.

• 46:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:52Speaker 04

  They do want to help. They want to feel that grown up side of them. Do you know what I mean?

• 46:56Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 46:56Speaker 04

  Cooking's another good one, like baking or something. That's not that expensive, but it's a good activity. And then they've got the cake for a few days. All that kind of stuff is great.

• 47:05Speaker 03

  Definitely.

• 47:05Speaker 04

  Well, look, I hope we've been a help. I hope we've been some help. Good luck out there to all the parents on their summer holiday. You know, we are there with you. We are going through a very long summer with you.

• 47:18Speaker 03

  Monzo's award winning kids account. Search Monzo. Download your new favourite bank.

• 47:22Speaker 04

  For children aged six to 15, parent or guardian account needed first. UK residents only. Ts and Cs apply.

• 47:30Speaker 06

  Low energy, unfocused, foggy, you might be dehydrated. Gatorade Zero powders have been scientifically designed to help improve hydration balance in the body. With a clinically proven electrolyte blend and no artificial colours or flavours. Great tasting hydration, no matter where you're going. Shop now online or at retailers nationwide. Gatorade, hydrates better than water. Is it in you? Symptoms noted are signs of mild to moderate dehydration. Consult a healthcare professional if symptoms persist.

• 48:00Speaker 02

  When fall comes back around, there's a sense of a reset. And new pieces from Lululemon's Fall Drop are an inspiration to push your goals and elevate your routines. As your calendar fills, easy-to-layer styles meet the demands of your day. And as you challenge yourself to try even more, versatile sets transition with you. The Lululemon Fall Lineup brings new levels of comfort and confidence, whether you're starting something fresh or starting something over. Check out the latest arrivals in-store and on lululemon.com now.

• 48:32Speaker 04

  But yeah, so you've been watching a lot of documentaries. Oh yeah, and we've got it easy. We have got it easy.

• 48:37Speaker 03

  No, no, I haven't got it easy because we've worked really hard and it's a challenge.

• 48:40Speaker 04

  But no, we have got it easier than, you know.

• 48:43Speaker 03

  I just think that sometimes you go, oh my God, there's so many people out there that are really talented and work hard that don't always get lucky breaks. I'm really lucky that I was one of the people that did, kind of thing, which is...

• 48:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:54Speaker 03

  And also, at school, I'm one of the fit dads.

• 48:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, of course, of course, you're one of the fit dads.

• 48:58Speaker 03

  This is something I want to talk about quickly before we move on. One, I didn't realise I've had my phone on dark mode for 10 years.

• 49:05Speaker 04

  What do you mean?

• 49:06Speaker 03

  Which is probably affecting why I'm squinting. You know your phone, you have light mode or dark mode? So dark mode is at night, it's slightly darker, so it's not so bright.

• 49:13Speaker 04

  I've got that on.

• 49:15Speaker 03

  Well, if you go to Settings and Display, you've got an iPhone.

• 49:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, Settings.

• 49:20Speaker 03

  Go to your General and then Display.

• 49:23Speaker 04

  General.

• 49:24Speaker 03

  Is it on there?

• 49:25Speaker 04

  This is fucking low for me, isn't it? I don't even know.

• 49:28Speaker 03

  No, no, no, don't go to General, go to Display and Brightness. Go back, get out of General.

• 49:33Speaker 04

  Display and Brightness.

• 49:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, and then it should say...

• 49:36Speaker 04

  No, I'm in light mode. I've got light mode.

• 49:38Speaker 03

  I've got automatic.

• 49:40Speaker 04

  Oh, so is that, you know, when someone sends you a picture and it's like their texts are in the dark?

• 49:45Speaker 03

  I don't really know, but so, so you see my phone, that's dark mode, it's all dark.

• 49:48Speaker 04

  I'm gonna go into dark mode. Oh, you're, you're in automatic?

• 49:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was, but it's just, but I've been in dark.

• 49:53Speaker 04

  I'm going light until sunset. I'm moving, I'm moving into automatic. I've done it.

• 49:57Speaker 03

  Fair enough, but I find it hard to read it.

• 50:00Speaker 04

  Oh, all right, yeah.

• 50:01Speaker 03

  But then I'd realise, because when we would.

• 50:03Speaker 04

  That's because we're old and we don't understand technology, Rob.

• 50:05Speaker 03

  Have I mentioned this before as well? This has been annoying me and I don't know if it's because I've been doing a lot more school runs and I've been more tired. Because normally when Lou's home, she gets up earlier than me, gets them all ready. I'm literally a cab driver.

• 50:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

• 50:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly. Just doing what I should, should have been doing, you know, if it wasn't for Mickey Flanagan breaking through and then deciding not to do any work, that's what I would have been doing. And sometimes, you know that a car lets you go?

• 50:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:30Speaker 03

  And sometimes you go, oh, okay, let me go. Then it really annoys me if they sort of go, come in, just like motion quickly going, I let you go, you've got to move quick. I'm like, no, no, no, no.

• 50:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:39Speaker 03

  She let me go, you let me go at my own pace. You're not now in charge of how I drive.

• 50:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'd say, Rob, your school run, not, not nearly as stressful as my old school run, which was unbearable.

• 50:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:51Speaker 04

  But it does feel like, because you're, are you driving and then they're just kind of jumping out?

• 50:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:55Speaker 04

  It feels like there's a lot of stressful driving in your school run around the school.

• 50:59Speaker 03

  It isn't that stressful, but it is twenty minutes of driving every morning. You know what I mean? There's never normally like bad, bad traffic or, you know, but sometimes at the roundabouts.

• 51:10Speaker 04

  But it feels like people are coming and going and da, da, da, da, da.

• 51:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's not like you just park up easy and have a nice walk in. It's like, yeah, so it is quite stressful, but the trade off is living in the countryside.

• 51:21Speaker 04

  Oh, do you know what my nicest bit of the day is, Rob? This is.

• 51:25Speaker 03

  Your wank?

• 51:26Speaker 04

  Oh, that's a shame.

• 51:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, two can play that game, mate.

• 51:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly. Yeah, do you know what?

• 51:31Speaker 03

  Two show, yeah.

• 51:32Speaker 04

  A crude retort.

• 51:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly. Go, go on, go on, you little twee whimsy little thing you like. And now I've just wanked all over it.

• 51:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, it is my wank actually. You can drop in when you think I have my wank in this. So I wake easier than Rose, right?

• 51:46Speaker 03

  And what, what wakes you just in general, you're just up early?

• 51:49Speaker 04

  Just angst about the world heating up and the fact that my children will be living in a post apocalyptic wasteland.

• 51:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, that gets me horny too.

• 51:59Speaker 04

  Um, no, what wakes me, just that I'm better at getting up. Rose takes longer to get into the day.

• 52:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, we spoke about this before, we're like the opposite, aren't we, me, Lou, you're right, yeah.

• 52:08Speaker 04

  So I'll get up and I've got to feed the cats and make the tea.

• 52:12Speaker 03

  How are the kittens, by the way?

• 52:13Speaker 04

  Well, they're not kittens now, really, they're cats.

• 52:15Speaker 03

  Not as good, aren't they? Can't they make little kittens that just ate kittens, like a chihuahua but for cats?

• 52:20Speaker 04

  But they are, you know, they're still purring away.

• 52:24Speaker 03

  Has Beryl as well, we haven't had a Beryl up there.

• 52:26Speaker 04

  Beryl, she eats outside because.

• 52:29Speaker 03

  Oh, Alfresca?

• 52:30Speaker 04

  Alf, well, no, in the shed.

• 52:32Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 52:32Speaker 04

  Because we have to feed them separately because otherwise they'll steal her food.

• 52:36Speaker 03

  Oh, they're bullying Beryl. So the new cats are in, why aren't they, are new cats in the shed and Beryl inside?

• 52:41Speaker 04

  Well, no, no, we have to put her food somewhere where they can't get to it.

• 52:45Speaker 03

  Got you, right.

• 52:47Speaker 04

  So I feed the cats inside.

• 52:48Speaker 03

  How do the little cats, sorry, I'm getting really bogged down in this. How do the new cats know not to go in the shed?

• 52:53Speaker 04

  Well, you just keep them out.

• 52:54Speaker 03

  But how does Beryl get in and out of the shed?

• 52:56Speaker 04

  Well, this is what I do, Rob. I get up, I feed the two cats in the house.

• 53:00Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 53:01Speaker 04

  And then Beryl knows, so we walk together out of the house to the shed.

• 53:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:06Speaker 04

  Open the door, feed Beryl, and I have to close the door so that the cats don't come in.

• 53:11Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 53:12Speaker 04

  And I just sit there for like three or four minutes and just watch Beryl eat.

• 53:20Speaker 04

  And that is a lovely, that's my favourite bit of the day.

• 53:24Speaker 03

  Oh, so I was gonna try and.

• 53:26Speaker 04

  And that's when I have my wank.

• 53:28Speaker 03

  I was gonna, I was about to Stephen Bartlett optimize your morning, but I don't know if you want it optimized.

• 53:34Speaker 04

  I don't want it optimized.

• 53:34Speaker 03

  Because if you get, you could get a electronic cat flap that only responds to Beryl's microchip so that she can go in and out of there whenever she wants.

• 53:43Speaker 04

  That's a good idea, actually.

• 53:45Speaker 03

  And then you could have the food in there and then that way.

• 53:47Speaker 04

  That's a really good idea, yeah.

• 53:48Speaker 03

  And do you know how I knew about that idea? I didn't have three glasses of wine three days ago.

• 53:52Speaker 04

  Of course, of course.

• 53:54Speaker 03

  I'm podcasting well.

• 53:54Speaker 04

  Well, you've, you've listened to the last 50 minutes, guys. You know that we're sober.

• 53:58Speaker 03

  Can I want to create a world where whatever it is Stephen Bartlett is doing has a different name to what this is? Because I don't want to be podcasting if that's podcasting.

• 54:09Speaker 04

  Well, I thought, and I'm not, I'm not, I'm not accusing Stephen Bartlett of when making that famous speech, uh, having been within the last 72 hours, I've had a glass of wine. But he used the word I podcasted and I don't think that's a real word. I podcasted badly.

• 54:26Speaker 03

  Because really podcasting is existing but with a microphone.

• 54:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, I did a podcast badly is maybe the way I podcast. What have you, what have you done today? I podcasted.

• 54:36Speaker 03

  So I'm, I, when, when is he doing it well?

• 54:42Speaker 03

  I just that as a frame of reference, I'd quite like to see him to clip up. This is me sober.

• 54:48Speaker 04

  Do you know what? It'd be a really good game would be for Stephen Bartlett to say, one of these five podcasts was the post wine one.

• 54:56Speaker 03

  And then everyone has to guess.

• 54:58Speaker 04

  Everyone has to guess.

• 54:59Speaker 03

  Do you think now he gets a lot of grief and I don't want to jump on a pylon because after a while he is a human being. I could not enjoy his podcast, but I shouldn't, we shouldn't be jumping on him as a person.

• 55:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:08Speaker 03

  You know, no matter how fun it may be.

• 55:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:11Speaker 03

  But is he now, obviously he loves numbers, analytics.

• 55:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:17Speaker 03

  Popularity, you know, that's, that's what I like doing this because I like to just express myself, have a laugh of a mate. If people listen, they listen. If they don't, they don't. And I put it out there, right? I've never looked at the stats for any episode you've ever done and gone, oh, that one went well, let's do more of that. I just.

• 55:32Speaker 04

  Well, is there a phrase, some, I heard someone say this week, if you're doing it for clicks, that's not your art.

• 55:38Speaker 03

  Well, exactly. Yeah. So, so this is, this is my art, but.

• 55:42Speaker 04

  No, but do you know what I mean?

• 55:43Speaker 03

  No, but it's true. That is true. No, but it's true.

• 55:45Speaker 04

  That's not, you're not expressing yourself if you're doing it for clicks.

• 55:47Speaker 03

  And call it art or self-expression, whatever you want to call it. Is he now at a point where he knows that rage bait sells? Is anything he's doing, is he adding a bit of stank on it? And we're playing checkers and he's playing chess and he's going, if I say that, everyone's going to jump on that. Everyone's going to clip it up because it, the more people talk about it, the more people will go, yeah, what's this? And then they start listening because.

• 56:11Speaker 04

  Yeah. I don't think you'd have called ahead of time, the wine thing happening in the way it did.

• 56:17Speaker 03

  No, but you think he's done things like that before and because even when he went, you know, because I looked at my word, hashtag spawn, hashtag ad, hashtag invest, you know, he's aware of that kind of kickback he's getting because he's gotten in trouble before for promoting stuff. But now we're talking about him and we're one of the biggest podcasts in the country. Everyone's talking, he must, his business brain must go, this is good because the beauty of it is, is you can still listen to his show even if you dislike him because you're there for the guests.

• 56:43Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 56:43Speaker 03

  So he doesn't have to be necessarily likeable.

• 56:45Speaker 04

  I don't think you do dislike Stephen Bartlett at all.

• 56:49Speaker 03

  No, I don't dislike him. I find his podcast a bit too heavy going for me and I, no.

• 56:53Speaker 04

  It's not for me because it's not how I live my life.

• 56:56Speaker 03

  I don't dislike him as a bloke. If anything, I feel like I want to put my arm around him and go, come on, mate, have a couple of glasses with me. I'll share a podcast well.

• 57:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:05Speaker 03

  Mate, have you ever thought about not thinking about thumbnails?

• 57:11Speaker 03

  Because I think obviously it does help if people watch it, but really how much extra is it bringing to your life?

• 57:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:17Speaker 03

  How much more do you, he's a billionaire anyway, isn't he?

• 57:19Speaker 04

  Oh, I presume, maybe not a billionaire.

• 57:22Speaker 03

  Was he called the CEO of a billionaire, was it?

• 57:24Speaker 04

  I don't think he's a, yeah, he's got to be a millionaire.

• 57:26Speaker 03

  Yeah. He don't buy any clothes, does he? Just wears black top?

• 57:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, the black top's an interesting thing, isn't it?

• 57:32Speaker 03

  But Michael's got a uniform. Did you hear that?

• 57:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, I did. I want to know.

• 57:35Speaker 03

  Is he, is he a tech bro? Are we, are we being fiddled by our own?

• 57:38Speaker 04

  What is Michael's uniform?

• 57:39Speaker 03

  And also he's had to sit through us talking about bald men and he wasn't mentioned once. I'm very secure with my hairline. Don't worry. Oh yeah, that's exactly the kind of thing someone would say.

• 57:49Speaker 04

  That was too quick.

• 57:50Speaker 03

  Well, it sounds like he's recorded that and played it out as he cries every time he says it. It's been bubbling for 25 minutes.

• 58:00Speaker 03

  What was he gonna ask? What's your uniform? Well, it's not really a uniform. It's a joke my fiancee makes in that if I don't have time or if I don't want to think about it, it will just be black jeans, black t-shirt and then some kind of jacket because it works in almost all scenarios. That's fair though.

• 58:15Speaker 04

  You go to the, the podcast expo or whatever it's called where people.

• 58:18Speaker 03

  What is it? What is the event? Shall we go? Well, the big podcast show I don't go to because it's the same time as Cannes Film Festival.

• 58:24Speaker 04

  Oh, here we go.

• 58:26Speaker 03

  Also, good to know what your priorities are, mate.

• 58:29Speaker 04

  No one's wearing a fucking hoodie at Cannes Film Festival, are they?

• 58:32Speaker 03

  No wonder our thumbnails are shit. This fucker wants to be Spielberg.

• 58:39Speaker 03

  I'm just harvesting clicks, mate.

• 58:40Speaker 04

  This is not my art.

• 58:46Speaker 03

  Oh, this is what this is my art. Now, small business shout out.

• 58:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, talking of people who have followed their, you know, their dreams to do their art.

• 58:54Speaker 03

  Um. Hello, Rob, Josh and Michael. Please can you do a small business shout out for my new business venture? Beach Hut 72 A Wells, next to the sea in Norfolk. Um, so a really catchy name.

• 59:07Speaker 04

  North Norfolk, though. You remember that.

• 59:09Speaker 03

  North Norfolk digital. Recently refurbished to accommodate up to six on the beautiful sandy Wells beach. Perfect for escaping the sun or rain with everything you could want for a perfect family day out, including plenty of beach toys, hammock, deck chairs, rugs, games, books, hot water bottles, blankets, a gas stove, complimentary tea, coffee, hot chocolate, crockery and cutlery. Just bring food. We are also on the dog friendly side of the beach, so very welcome to bring dogs too. We've got a dog bowl and dog treats provided. Single day hire available. Visit us on Instagram at beach hut 72 A Wells or see our listing on beachhuts.com. Thank you so much. Stay sexy and relatable. Lauren Gibson Green.

• 59:49Speaker 04

  This feels perfect for us, Rob.

• 59:50Speaker 03

  Can I eat a yogurt while you do this?

• 59:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, during all the carnaps over the last two and a half years. Um.

• 1:00:00Speaker 04

  Keep going.

• 1:00:02Speaker 03

  I just saw myself in the camera. I looked like a child eating like a delicious Ella packet.

• 1:00:07Speaker 04

  Um. And thank you for both listening to this email with such joy. My child passed away last year. No, I'm joking. I'm joking. I wanted to see you remove your yogurt away.

• 1:00:20Speaker 04

  I've never seen a yogurt disappear from shot so much.

• 1:00:28Speaker 03

  Oh, I'm a bright red. You pulled it down. I just didn't want to see my face. Sorry.

• 1:00:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, anyway, sorry.

• 1:00:35Speaker 03

  I was toying with putting some of my tongue and going, ah, while you were talking.

• 1:00:41Speaker 04

  Right, thanks for entertaining me during all the car naps over the last two and a half years. Please could you do a small business shout out for my lovely friend Laura, her husband Ben and her dad Dave who run Cricket Kids.

• 1:00:51Speaker 03

  Oh, what the chances? I went to summer draw last week, George.

• 1:00:55Speaker 04

  Did you?

• 1:00:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:57Speaker 04

  Cricket Kids is a weekly cricket club for two to six year olds.

• 1:01:01Speaker 03

  Two, two's got to be mental, isn't it?

• 1:01:04Speaker 04

  Well, with the money in the IPL, you've got to get them started early. This is fucking gold in the hills.

• 1:01:09Speaker 03

  Project Tendulkar.

• 1:01:10Speaker 04

  Project Tendulkar, currently running in our sister in Warwickshire with plans to expand to a few other locations in the Midlands soon. Cricket Kids provides a really fun and safe environment for little kids to get to grips with bowling and batting, as well as just doing funny, silly games and getting them moving around to burn some of that toddler energy. My son has loved his first half term and the coaches make it so fun, catering to all abilities in the class. For more info, people can follow at Cricket Kids UK on Instagram or email hello at cricket-kids.co.uk. Thanks, Alex 379 months old.

• 1:01:46Speaker 03

  Oh, was that the end of it?

• 1:01:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:48Speaker 03

  Sorry, cut off. I did start looking at my text messages.

• 1:01:51Speaker 04

  I was the ogre.

• 1:01:52Speaker 03

  The ogre. No, I got, I got a message, sorry. So I'm just default parenting actually at the moment. I don't know if you know.

• 1:01:58Speaker 04

  I know, yeah, of course, of course.

• 1:01:59Speaker 03

  It's a bit of a, you know, the juggle is real.

• 1:02:03Speaker 04

  The juggle is real, Rob.

• 1:02:06Speaker 03

  Right, Josh, I'll see you next time.

• 1:02:08Speaker 04

  See you next time.

• 1:02:09Speaker 03

  You feel better. Look, you're better than you were at the start.

• 1:02:11Speaker 04

  I feel much better. Do you know what? I think we could do another episode. I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get a cup of tea.

• 1:02:16Speaker 03

  See you next week.

• 1:02:17Speaker 04

  Bye.

• 1:02:23Speaker 07

  Whenever fall comes back around, it always feels like a fresh start. This year, I've been layering in some styles from the new Lululemon fall drop because the weather is shifting and I find I have to be ready for the entire day and not just one part of it. Lululemon's fall line has some really versatile transitional pieces, so I can just wake up, throw on a matching set, add a jacket or a fleece and head out, knowing that I'll feel comfortable enough to go wherever the day takes me. Check out the new fall arrivals in store and online now at lululemon.com.

• 1:02:52Speaker 02

  Ugh, I hate Mondays. King's Hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite? Taylor Hanson? Sure, I'll try one.

• 1:03:02Speaker 02

  Hey, let's get back to work, please. But Taylor Hanson's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. Taylor Hanson? Nice. Try one. Mmm.

• 1:03:15Speaker 02

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. There's nothing like it.