Pod Insights Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe S12 EP45: Chat 'N That About this episode More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... in this episode Josh checks into the bleakest hotel sounding hotel room in existence.
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2:00 Speaker 03 Hello, you're listening to Parents in Hell with...
2:03 Speaker 04 Ozzy. Can you say...
2:08 Speaker 04 Can you say Rob Beckett? Go on then.
2:12 Speaker 05 Beckett.
2:13 Speaker 04 And can you say George Widdicombe?
2:16 Speaker 05 Yeah. Or Beckett.
2:20 Speaker 04 Very good.
2:21 Speaker 05 Wow!
2:23 Speaker 03 It's a lot more joyous listening to that than a hairy, pitted, 16-year-old going...
2:30 Speaker 04 That is Ozzy. Real name, Oswin, or Oswin, in case he wants to be a doctor or something proper. Having a go at your names from the bath. O-S-W-I-N.
2:40 Speaker 03 Never heard of that name in my life.
2:41 Speaker 04 No. What was Ozzy Osbourne called? Obviously Ozzy comes in the surname, so I don't know what his first name was.
2:47 Speaker 03 Hold caller. What's that from? My mum always used to say that.
2:50 Speaker 04 Oh yeah?
2:51 Speaker 03 Is that from a stickler? What's that?
2:53 Speaker 04 Where the arse Gemini?
2:57 Speaker 03 Aye, Jim?
2:58 Speaker 04 Shall I call you Arse Gemini? Yeah.
3:00 Speaker 03 Gemini, what's Ozzy Osbourne's first name? And where is the phrase "a hold caller" from?
3:07 Speaker 06 Ozzy Osbourne's first name is John. The phrase "hold caller" isn't a common one, so I'm not sure where it's from. Could you provide more context?
3:17 Speaker 03 My mum used to say it. She also says "better than Shank's pony". What's that mean?
3:22 Speaker 06 The phrase "better than Shank's pony" is a humorous way to say "walking". Shank's pony refers to your own legs. So it's basically implying walking is the best way to travel, often in a playful way.
3:35 Speaker 04 Just to be clear to the listeners, that we weren't even paid for that. That's how we live our lives. So, we've been listening since the beginning and you've definitely demystified the terrifying prospect of parenthood for us, provided much entertainment on many long car journeys to visit our families who all live several hours away. Thanks for your honesty, humour and occasional wisdom. Keep it sexy and relatable. Lots of love. Adam, Vinnie and Ozzy.
4:02 Speaker 03 Yeah, that is the thing. Your family will disown you and move away if you call your child Oswin.
4:06 Speaker 04 Do you know what, Rob? I just moved the mic then, yeah?
4:10 Speaker 03 Is that too much? I don't mean that, it's a bit funny.
4:13 Speaker 04 Have you, you haven't done Ramesh's podcast, have you?
4:15 Speaker 03 No, not yet.
4:16 Speaker 04 Not a fan?
4:17 Speaker 03 No, I am a fan actually. I do like it.
4:18 Speaker 04 No, no, no, you don't have to be a fan.
4:20 Speaker 03 No, I'm a fan of it. It comes up on my algorithm.
4:22 Speaker 04 It does come up on my algorithm as well. What's going on there?
4:24 Speaker 03 He's become part of the machine.
4:26 Speaker 04 Oh.
4:27 Speaker 03 He's plugged into the matrix.
4:28 Speaker 04 He's plugged into the matrix.
4:29 Speaker 03 He's part of the Illuminati. I saw him the other day and I walked up to him. He did that symbol, you know, the little
4:34 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah.
4:34 Speaker 03 Sort of Rockefeller sort of diamond shape. Then he came down, put it on my lips, went, shh, baby, you're mine now. And then he slapped my arse and walked off. And I went, well, yeah.
4:43 Speaker 04 He does this thing, which I was very impressed with.
4:46 Speaker 03 What's that?
4:47 Speaker 04 If he laughs.
4:48 Speaker 03 Yeah.
4:49 Speaker 04 He'll lean forward and laugh and he'll move his mic out.
4:51 Speaker 03 So he's, I'm having such great time.
4:55 Speaker 03 Wow.
4:56 Speaker 04 And I was really impressed with that because I was like, I'm so scared of moving a mic during the.
5:01 Speaker 03 Yeah, but then I think if you're really laughing, do you care about level?
5:05 Speaker 04 Well, he's more that he's worried he's going to hit the mic with his
5:08 Speaker 03 With his face.
5:08 Speaker 04 Carrying face.
5:10 Speaker 03 Right. Oh, okay. That's pretty cool.
5:13 Speaker 04 Yeah.
5:14 Speaker 03 He's a great broadcaster.
5:15 Speaker 04 He is a great broadcaster, isn't he? Yeah. But, um, yeah, so there we go.
5:19 Speaker 03 What's it like when you cover for him on Radio 2? What's the vibe?
5:22 Speaker 04 Uh, I keep the mic static.
5:23 Speaker 03 Yep.
5:24 Speaker 04 Uh, what's the vibe?
5:26 Speaker 03 Well, yeah, like, do you just, do they go, well, this is what Ramesh does, do it the same? Or do you do your own thing?
5:30 Speaker 04 That's what Lisa says to me. Oh dear, that's a shame.
5:35 Speaker 04 That's a shame.
5:36 Speaker 03 It is really for a man that's not here.
5:38 Speaker 04 Yeah.
5:39 Speaker 03 I think it's fine for us to give Ramesh some stick when he's not here, but then to go in on his wife, that you're.
5:43 Speaker 04 Josh, I'm sorry.
5:45 Speaker 03 You get a little bit rude when you get a bit tired and you start talking sexy talk.
5:49 Speaker 04 You sound like Rose.
5:54 Speaker 03 You're going out tonight with Rose, date night.
5:55 Speaker 04 Date night?
5:56 Speaker 03 She's meeting you after this in London for a friend's birthday party.
5:59 Speaker 04 I'm so tired.
6:00 Speaker 03 Whose birthday party is it?
6:02 Speaker 04 I don't like to kiss and tell.
6:04 Speaker 03 You're going to say?
6:05 Speaker 04 Do you think I need to get a present?
6:06 Speaker 03 Yeah, this is 50th.
6:08 Speaker 04 Yeah, I do, don't I?
6:09 Speaker 03 100% you need to get a present for someone.
6:11 Speaker 04 I'm going to have to go and do that, yeah.
6:12 Speaker 03 Yeah.
6:13 Speaker 04 Well, Rose is going for blow drying selfridges, so she can get presents there.
6:17 Speaker 03 Is she?
6:17 Speaker 04 Yeah.
6:18 Speaker 03 Wow, a blow drying selfridges. It sounds like a storyline from Downton Abbey.
6:24 Speaker 04 I was quite surprised when she texted me.
6:26 Speaker 03 Oh, okay. Right, I didn't realise she was 63 year old woman married to some sort of Chelsea banker.
6:37 Speaker 03 Lou goes and gets her nails done at a place in Petchwood where it's cash and hand because I imagine absolutely no money goes through in the books.
6:42 Speaker 04 Just so you know, Rose doesn't normally do that. We live in Exeter.
6:45 Speaker 03 No, every Thursday she travels up from Exeter because she likes the way they do it. No, that's a nice thing to do.
6:50 Speaker 04 Well, I think it's also near where it is. It's good, it's near the birthday.
6:54 Speaker 03 It's near the birthday?
6:55 Speaker 04 Yeah.
6:56 Speaker 03 Where's the birthday? The perfume counter?
6:57 Speaker 04 It was at a place where I'd never heard of it, so I thought that must be exclusive.
7:02 Speaker 03 It's swanky.
7:03 Speaker 04 Yeah.
7:03 Speaker 03 What's been happening though, Josh? You're a dad, you're working, you're tired. Yeah, okay. Have we done this episode before?
7:09 Speaker 04 I was, last night I was in Leeds.
7:11 Speaker 03 You do look tired.
7:12 Speaker 04 I'm fucked.
7:12 Speaker 03 I feel like I'm visiting a grandad in an old people's home.
7:14 Speaker 04 I'm fucked.
7:15 Speaker 03 The way you're sat in that chair clinging on to it.
7:17 Speaker 04 Do you know what? If I was doing something where I had to pretend to have energy, this would be a killer.
7:20 Speaker 03 Do you have to, do you pretend to have energy sometimes on this show?
7:23 Speaker 04 Not on this show, no.
7:24 Speaker 03 Yeah, I know.
7:25 Speaker 04 But like if I was doing TV.
7:28 Speaker 03 My mate texted me the other day, went, "I can't believe sometimes Josh yawns through emails that he's reading it out."
7:37 Speaker 03 So, right now, let's pretend, right?
7:39 Speaker 04 Let me tell you through the last 24 hours of my life.
7:41 Speaker 03 Before you do that, let's pretend for a moment, this is my new podcast, but I'm not Rebecca, I'm just another sort of comedian.
7:47 Speaker 04 Yeah.
7:47 Speaker 03 And you're on it promoting your tour.
7:49 Speaker 04 Yeah.
7:49 Speaker 03 And you can't be honest, slightly tired Josh on this, because that's what we do. And I go, "Hi guys, welcome to Chat and That with me, Toby B."
7:58 Speaker 04 I need to speak to my fucking PR.
8:01 Speaker 03 Welcome.
8:02 Speaker 04 This isn't going to shift any tickets, is it?
8:05 Speaker 03 Welcome to Chat and That with me, Toby B. Rampack show today, haven't we, Michael? And Michael, on this show you go, "Yeah, Toby B." Are you all right with that? Oh, good, good energy today, yeah, yeah, Mikey B. Now, our guest this week, we've got one of the best comedians in the UK. You'll have known him from the last leg, he's been on the stand-up for the week, he has been-
8:29 Speaker 04 Why is that the second option?
8:31 Speaker 03 Hey, chatting that with Toby B. Now, Josh, we are honoured to have you here today, so excited to have a great comedian on the show. How's it going? What's up?
8:40 Speaker 04 Really good, really good, yeah, absolutely buzzing, actually, yeah.
8:44 Speaker 03 And how's the tour?
8:47 Speaker 03 What's that?
8:51 Speaker 03 Thank you.
8:52 Speaker 04 Tour's absolutely brilliant.
8:53 Speaker 03 The tour's brilliant, yeah?
8:54 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you.
8:56 Speaker 03 Where's been the best venue?
8:57 Speaker 04 Oh, mate, it absolutely went off in Harrogate.
9:00 Speaker 03 Did it?
9:01 Speaker 04 Absolutely, yeah.
9:03 Speaker 03 Cool, what's it like being on the road?
9:05 Speaker 04 Um, pretty depressing.
9:07 Speaker 03 Yeah, oh, great, um, and, um, what's the worst heck we've ever had?
9:11 Speaker 04 Oh, Jesus fucking wept, if I'm asked that ever again in my life. Do you know what, Toby, shove your podcast up your fucking arse.
9:17 Speaker 03 Oh, I mean, what about me, Mikey B?
9:24 Speaker 03 Welcome to Chat and That.
9:26 Speaker 04 How much do you do an episode of Chat and That every week?
9:28 Speaker 03 I'm quite into Chat and That. I think we could do a spin-off.
9:35 Speaker 04 We might get better bookings.
9:37 Speaker 03 Welcome to Chat and That, we go viral, we, impressions, we get lots of impressions and stuff. Yeah, okay, I think you've done well there, getting your energy up.
9:44 Speaker 04 Yeah, so, last night, so I saw you yesterday, 10.30.
9:49 Speaker 03 10.30 AM, we stopped recording a podcast, you went to work.
9:52 Speaker 04 I had half an hour to pack.
9:54 Speaker 03 Yep.
9:55 Speaker 04 Then I had to get the train to Leeds.
9:56 Speaker 03 Yeah.
9:57 Speaker 04 Then I sat on the train to Leeds and just kind of stared for four and a half hours.
10:02 Speaker 03 Yeah.
10:02 Speaker 04 I was just a tired space.
10:04 Speaker 03 Do you not sleep?
10:05 Speaker 04 I can't really sleep on the train.
10:07 Speaker 03 No.
10:08 Speaker 04 I'm too vertical. And then I got to Leeds. I was meant to be seeing a friend before the gig and I was like, I can't do this.
10:15 Speaker 03 Who was that? Do you know the friend?
10:17 Speaker 04 No, just a friend from uni. He lives in Leeds.
10:19 Speaker 03 Oh, that's hard.
10:20 Speaker 04 And it was, I got there and I was like, Ali seems in a bad place.
10:23 Speaker 03 Your tour manager?
10:24 Speaker 04 Ali's normally very chipper.
10:26 Speaker 03 Yes.
10:27 Speaker 04 But he had a long drive coming because he had to drive to London.
10:30 Speaker 03 After Leeds?
10:31 Speaker 04 After Leeds.
10:32 Speaker 03 So his mood was low?
10:33 Speaker 04 Well, it wasn't that, Rob.
10:34 Speaker 03 Oh.
10:35 Speaker 04 When we got there, he found out.
10:37 Speaker 03 Oh, so that hit morale because he's leaving half an hour.
10:40 Speaker 04 And then he had to pump up my Lilo so that I could have a little sleep.
10:42 Speaker 03 Yeah. Sometimes, when we have to think of your schedule, no one thinks of Ali's. Because his is the same but worse.
10:48 Speaker 04 He had an hour long drive after dropping me at the hotel because he didn't want to stay in London.
10:52 Speaker 03 So he drove back home?
10:53 Speaker 04 No, he drove to the outskirts so then he could just drive home easily tomorrow.
10:56 Speaker 03 Right, okay.
10:57 Speaker 04 So then I do the gig, get in the car by ten oh three, absolutely buzzing about that.
11:02 Speaker 03 Yeah, okay.
11:04 Speaker 04 Can't sleep in the car, got restless legs. Luckily, Ali had to stop to get a coffee, so I tried to walk off my restless legs.
11:11 Speaker 03 Yeah.
11:12 Speaker 04 So I could have half an hour's sleep in the car. Wake up, I don't know where this hotel I've booked is. I've just asked for a cheap hotel near Spotify.
11:21 Speaker 03 Yeah.
11:22 Speaker 04 With a gym, as if I'm ever gonna use that.
11:25 Speaker 03 We started recording at, we met at nine thirty this morning.
11:28 Speaker 04 What was I thinking?
11:29 Speaker 03 Okay.
11:29 Speaker 04 It's one of those hotels, you know, I've never seen this hotel before. It doesn't feel like a hotel.
11:33 Speaker 03 What's the name of it?
11:34 Speaker 04 I don't want it because I'm gonna slag it off. So I get there, they give me the key to my room. It's half two by this point. I go up to my room.
11:43 Speaker 03 Dump your bag, get on the treadmill?
11:48 Speaker 03 Get those restless legs working?
11:51 Speaker 04 Didn't even need to turn on the treadmill, the legs were just working themselves.
11:56 Speaker 04 Go in, I wish I'd taken a photo. I thought I'll take a photo of that in the morning because it's so bad.
12:01 Speaker 03 Yeah.
12:01 Speaker 04 It's a mattress.
12:03 Speaker 03 Yeah.
12:04 Speaker 04 On the floor.
12:05 Speaker 03 No.
12:06 Speaker 04 There's a raised wooden bit, like a futon basically.
12:08 Speaker 03 Yep.
12:09 Speaker 04 That takes up the whole wall, right? So it's raised up, so the mattress is the whole wall. Three, walls on three sides of the mattress. And then the only other thing that was in the room. Was a sink and a shower and a toilet.
12:23 Speaker 03 But not in separate rooms, just out?
12:25 Speaker 04 In the same room.
12:26 Speaker 03 All in the same square?
12:27 Speaker 04 No tea making facilities, no desk, no anything.
12:32 Speaker 03 Yeah.
12:32 Speaker 04 No, crucially, for the second time this week, having never had it before, no window.
12:42 Speaker 03 Twice in a week?
12:43 Speaker 04 Twice in a week, having never had it in forty-three years of living before, no window.
12:50 Speaker 04 And I was like, I just collapsed tired.
12:52 Speaker 03 Yeah.
12:53 Speaker 04 I woke up, it was so cold at night, I was shivering.
12:59 Speaker 04 And I woke up at six fifteen.
13:01 Speaker 03 Oh.
13:02 Speaker 04 And I thought, I'll check my phone. I clicked on my phone and then the screen was just black. But I could feel it was working because it would occasionally vibrate when I did something, so the screen had broken.
13:13 Speaker 03 Yep.
13:13 Speaker 04 So I woke up at six fifteen with no screen on my phone.
13:16 Speaker 03 How did you get to six fifteen?
13:17 Speaker 04 Because I've got a watch, because I sleep with a watch on.
13:20 Speaker 03 Finally, it's all paying off.
13:21 Speaker 04 It's all paying off.
13:22 Speaker 03 It's all like Harry Potter, it's all connecting the dots at the end.
13:24 Speaker 04 Exactly. So I was like, I needed a podcast to get back to sleep. So I had to get my laptop out. I could log on to the tethered wifi on my phone that I couldn't see.
13:34 Speaker 03 Oh, right, okay, so it was still working?
13:36 Speaker 04 Yeah, it's still working, I could see that. So I listened to a podcast to try and get back to sleep. I had another, so I've had about four and a half hours sleep.
13:43 Speaker 03 Wow, you've done more, you've podcasted for longer today than you've slept.
13:46 Speaker 04 Yeah, and then I woke up and I was like, this is the bleakest place I've ever been.
13:50 Speaker 03 Yep. Have you gotten, you did take a photo?
13:52 Speaker 04 There's no, I couldn't because my phone was broken.
14:02 Speaker 03 I just do a rummage mic pool.
14:03 Speaker 04 I like that. So then I had to.
14:05 Speaker 03 Oh, Josh.
14:06 Speaker 04 So I had a shower, I couldn't have a tea because there's no tea making facilities. So I just had a shower, packed up my stuff, the tethering had stopped working, so I had to listen to the only, I just had to re-listen to the podcast that I'd fallen asleep to because it was the only thing, because I didn't want to be in silence in that room.
14:22 Speaker 03 Where are you going, where are you tonight? Are you at a hotel tonight?
14:25 Speaker 04 Not that one.
14:26 Speaker 03 About a nice hotel in Rose?
14:27 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah.
14:27 Speaker 03 That would be nice.
14:28 Speaker 04 Yeah.
14:29 Speaker 03 And you got tomorrow off?
14:30 Speaker 04 Uh, no, I'm going to Aberdeen.
14:31 Speaker 03 Right.
14:34 Speaker 03 So you're going to have a Dean from London, but Rose will go back to Exeter.
14:38 Speaker 04 Yeah.
14:38 Speaker 03 Okay.
14:39 Speaker 04 So then I'm like, I'm gonna have to go to the Apple shop. I Google it, it opens at 10, so I'll have to go after this.
14:44 Speaker 03 Yeah.
14:45 Speaker 04 Right, I know I'm meeting Rob and Michael in Leon at 9.30, so I just walked to Leon. I know I can't buy anything there.
14:51 Speaker 03 You don't take your wallet out, do you anymore?
14:53 Speaker 04 No. So then I was like, if my phone is working, theoretically I could use Apple Pay just through memory of what it would look like, just by pressing the button, doing the face and scanning it down. So I get to Leon before you.
15:04 Speaker 03 Oh, you were there before me?
15:05 Speaker 04 Yeah, and I put my order in, I think, let's see whether this works. Get my phone out, suddenly the screen's working again.
15:10 Speaker 03 Oh.
15:11 Speaker 04 So I'm like, well, I've got some time to kill. I need shaving stuff. So then I went to Superdrug, bought the shaving stuff, came back to Leon, there you were. And my phone's now working, but I know it's on borrowed time, because why did it stop working for three hours?
15:24 Speaker 03 You said something to me that was wild, where you said, you've never had a phone and then bought a new phone and transferred everything over. You've always broken or lost it.
15:33 Speaker 04 Yeah, so I've never done the thing where-
15:35 Speaker 03 You've never upgraded?
15:35 Speaker 04 Where it says, put your phone next to it, because I've never got to the point where I haven't fucked my own phone, not that-
15:42 Speaker 03 Little USB C, Dick.
15:43 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm annoyed they've changed the port, actually.
15:45 Speaker 03 Thunderbolt. Thunderbolt charging system.
15:48 Speaker 04 I'm going to get my penis adapted for the new port, but um-
15:51 Speaker 03 You could also use your penis to get the old SIM card out as well, can't you? Stick the little-
15:57 Speaker 04 It's very useful, actually, yeah.
16:00 Speaker 03 Oh, Josh.
16:01 Speaker 04 So then I've done this, I'm fucked.
16:03 Speaker 03 Can I tell you something that might make you feel better?
16:05 Speaker 04 Yeah.
16:05 Speaker 03 I went and got my hair cut yesterday.
16:07 Speaker 04 Oh, yeah?
16:08 Speaker 03 Got my beard done, got my hair cut. I came out and I was in Iceland buying some protein yogurts, because if you spend over a five, you get free parking.
16:16 Speaker 04 Right, okay.
16:17 Speaker 03 Lady sees me, yeah. Lady says to me, "Oh, you're off the telly, aren't you?" I went, "Yeah, I do some telly." She went, "Oh, you look different in real life to on the telly."
16:28 Speaker 04 Yeah.
16:28 Speaker 03 I went, "All right, yeah." I went, "Do I look better?" She went, "No, better on the telly, worse now."
16:33 Speaker 04 Oh, my God.
16:34 Speaker 03 And I was like, one, who says that? Also, two, this is the best I can do. I've just literally had my hair and beard done. There's no, there was, there's no, immediately after getting your hair and beard done,
16:46 Speaker 04 Yeah.
16:46 Speaker 03 That is the best you'll look, and it's downhill from there.
16:49 Speaker 04 Yeah.
16:49 Speaker 03 And she sniped me at Iceland with a couple of packs of Arla.
16:56 Speaker 03 Bang out of all, isn't it?
16:57 Speaker 04 Awful. At least you got free parking.
17:00 Speaker 03 Well, not free parking, I had to spend my £5, but then I went and the Iceland lady at the checkout was like, "People are strange, aren't they?" Because she just basically watched.
17:08 Speaker 04 Oh, she watched it happen?
17:09 Speaker 03 Well, yeah, because she was like, "Who says that you look worse now than..."
17:12 Speaker 04 Oh my god. So where was this woman?
17:14 Speaker 03 We're paying in front of me.
17:15 Speaker 04 Oh my god.
17:16 Speaker 03 Anyway, but yeah, my morale was a bit dead.
17:18 Speaker 04 So we've had a great 24 hours since we've seen each other.
17:20 Speaker 03 I've got something to bring the mood.
17:21 Speaker 04 Yeah.
17:22 Speaker 03 Bring the mood up.
17:23 Speaker 04 Yeah.
17:23 Speaker 03 Toby B here chatting that, that, that, do you want to see that? I could inject a bit of energy with chatting that.
17:30 Speaker 04 Do you think there's another career in which you were a local radio person?
17:34 Speaker 03 There's another life where I'm an alcoholic doing a different job.
17:37 Speaker 04 Yeah.
17:38 Speaker 03 And I don't know what that would be.
17:39 Speaker 04 Right, right, yeah, yeah.
17:40 Speaker 03 I would have slipped your way through the city.
17:41 Speaker 04 Oh, you could have been like Gary Stevenson, that kind of working class trader that...
17:46 Speaker 03 No, no, because he went in on like an intern scheme because he was very academic. I would be like, uh, someone that got a job in the city, didn't really know what he was doing, but sort of snuck his way through and quite good banter on the drink and the gear, got a few promotions.
17:58 Speaker 04 Right, okay, yeah, yeah.
17:59 Speaker 03 Before you know it, a couple of lucky breaks, I got some part of ownership of a big company, earned loads of money, married an awful woman, cheated on her, left her, never see my kids.
18:10 Speaker 04 I should move the mic forward.
18:11 Speaker 03 Yeah, um, most people don't move it for a cough, normally a laugh, um, but yeah, I don't know. That's the thing, isn't it, sliding doors. I've got something to lift the mood.
18:20 Speaker 04 Go on.
18:20 Speaker 03 I've got you and Michael a present.
18:22 Speaker 04 Oh, yeah.
18:22 Speaker 03 Each, not the same present, one each. I should caveat this, it's not an actual present. Essentially, it's things I've bought that don't fit me.
18:29 Speaker 04 Okay.
18:30 Speaker 03 And you can have them.
18:31 Speaker 04 Oh, yeah?
18:31 Speaker 03 Yeah. Do you want them?
18:33 Speaker 04 Yeah, depends what it is. If it's a condom, I'm not going to...
18:35 Speaker 03 I'll show you what Michael's is and then I'll throw it through the curtain.
18:37 Speaker 04 Oh, my word. It's a football shirt.
18:39 Speaker 03 It's a football shirt.
18:40 Speaker 04 Columbia?
18:41 Speaker 03 Um, Club America.
18:42 Speaker 04 Club America?
18:43 Speaker 03 Look at that. Can you see it on the camera, Michael? Yeah, that's yours. Look at his middle face, Toby B.
18:49 Speaker 04 Toby B.
18:49 Speaker 03 Chatting that. Now, this, I'm very, very, um, frustrated here. I bought this in Hong Kong.
18:55 Speaker 04 Yeah.
18:56 Speaker 03 And it's an XL, however...
18:58 Speaker 04 Oh, Hong Kong sizes.
18:59 Speaker 03 Asian size.
19:00 Speaker 04 Right, here we go.
19:01 Speaker 03 Um, and it doesn't fit me. You're going fully...
19:04 Speaker 04 Yeah, take the top off, put it on.
19:05 Speaker 03 It's a Japan football...
19:07 Speaker 04 Oh, yes, please.
19:08 Speaker 03 Association Adidas.
19:09 Speaker 04 Would this put you off if I podcasted like this?
19:13 Speaker 03 It's, I've never, honestly, whenever I've done a thing where someone might, maybe like takes their top off a comic effect...
19:22 Speaker 03 On camera it looks AI. I've never seen anyone.
19:25 Speaker 04 Why does it look AI?
19:25 Speaker 03 I've never seen anyone get undressed for no reason without anyone noticing. Normally you get egged on on a show.
19:32 Speaker 03 Great catch. Hopefully it fits, it should fit you.
19:34 Speaker 04 Oh, it's a beautiful material.
19:36 Speaker 03 It's lovely, isn't it?
19:36 Speaker 04 It's so nice.
19:38 Speaker 03 But it's going to a good home.
19:40 Speaker 04 Oh, it is, it is.
19:41 Speaker 03 It's nice, isn't it?
19:42 Speaker 04 Yeah.
19:42 Speaker 03 Do you like yours, Michael? Love it. Yeah, it's a cool, I've got it in America.
19:46 Speaker 04 Do you know what?
19:46 Speaker 03 Oh, it fits nice.
19:47 Speaker 04 Beautiful.
19:48 Speaker 03 You wouldn't want it any smaller, would you?
19:50 Speaker 04 No, that is great.
19:51 Speaker 03 You've got the tickets sticking out the back.
19:52 Speaker 04 XL, yeah, but I'm not going to take that off yet.
19:54 Speaker 03 You're going to put it on a vintage.
19:55 Speaker 04 I'm not going to.
19:56 Speaker 03 Yeah, XL, Asian size. Lovely top though, isn't it?
20:00 Speaker 04 Oh, that is beautiful. I love that. I'm delighted with that.
20:02 Speaker 03 There we go, mood up.
20:03 Speaker 04 Oh, mood up.
20:09 Speaker 01 Pink Pantheress here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences and personalised products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, booked just for you based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com.
20:37 Speaker 02 Low energy, unfocused, foggy, you might be dehydrated. Gatorade Zero powders have been scientifically designed to help improve hydration balance in the body. With a clinically proven electrolyte blend and no artificial colours or flavours, great tasting hydration no matter where you're going. Shop now online or at retailers nationwide. Gatorade hydrates better than water. Is it in you? Symptoms noted are signs of mild to moderate dehydration. Consult a healthcare professional if symptoms persist. Whenever fall comes back around, it always feels like a fresh start. This year, I've been layering in some styles from the new Lululemon Fall Drop because the weather is shifting and I find I have to be ready for the entire day and not just one part of it.
21:19 Speaker 02 Lululemon's fall line has some really versatile transitional pieces. So I can just wake up, throw on a matching set, add a jacket or a fleece and head out, knowing that I'll feel comfortable enough to go wherever the day takes me. Check out the new fall arrivals in store and online now at lululemon.com.
21:39 Speaker 04 So, big times.
21:40 Speaker 03 Yeah.
21:41 Speaker 04 On the podcast.
21:42 Speaker 03 Go on.
21:44 Speaker 04 So.
21:47 Speaker 04 Big news.
21:48 Speaker 03 What?
21:48 Speaker 04 No, I'm just trying to get the mood up.
21:51 Speaker 03 Oh, right. So was you doing Toby B?
21:53 Speaker 04 No, I was just, I was just trying to move on to the next thing, but I realised I haven't got anything to say.
21:58 Speaker 04 Oh, my son. Yes, I have. So obviously I can't put this picture on, Rob. My son went over at school. This is brutal.
22:05 Speaker 03 Went over, like hurt himself?
22:07 Speaker 04 Yeah.
22:09 Speaker 03 But no wonder your phone breaks.
22:10 Speaker 04 Yeah.
22:11 Speaker 03 Oh, my God, poor thing.
22:12 Speaker 04 Yeah.
22:13 Speaker 03 Oh, God, he looks so much like you, doesn't he?
22:15 Speaker 04 Is that what you mean, poor thing?
22:17 Speaker 03 No. You've got a lovely face. Oh, he's really scratched it right by his eye as well.
22:23 Speaker 04 He's absolutely grazed the half of his face.
22:26 Speaker 03 He's so grown up. He's had a haircut as well.
22:27 Speaker 04 I know, yeah.
22:28 Speaker 03 I miss the long hair.
22:29 Speaker 04 I know, but.
22:31 Speaker 03 Fair enough. He doesn't want it. He don't want it.
22:33 Speaker 04 He doesn't want it. Yeah, so.
22:35 Speaker 03 Is he alright?
22:36 Speaker 04 So it was, it's weird, isn't it? Because that happens at school and then he's fine by the time he gets home. But you feel awful that you weren't there.
22:42 Speaker 03 Yeah, well, he comes in and goes, oh, he had a bit of a scratch. He's got his whole face. He's like, oh, he's dead.
22:46 Speaker 04 They phoned up. They phoned up.
22:47 Speaker 03 Yeah, that's a phone call.
22:48 Speaker 04 Because that's a phone upper.
22:48 Speaker 03 Yeah. Your son's going to come back with his entire half of his face scratched off.
22:52 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, exactly.
22:53 Speaker 03 Wasn't off, but like, it's quite a big scratch.
22:55 Speaker 04 He's not the man without a face.
22:56 Speaker 03 No, is he?
22:56 Speaker 04 Do you remember that film?
22:57 Speaker 03 Uh, no.
22:58 Speaker 04 It's a Mel Goobson film.
22:59 Speaker 03 Oh, I think I do.
23:01 Speaker 04 He has half a.
23:02 Speaker 03 That's not, um, Daniel Day Lewis in The Wheelbarrow, is it?
23:04 Speaker 04 No, that's My Left Foot.
23:06 Speaker 03 Right.
23:06 Speaker 04 Man Without A Face, one of my favourite jokes on The Simpsons. God, I love The Simpsons. The Simpsons was the best thing ever.
23:13 Speaker 03 Can I say what your biggest problem is?
23:15 Speaker 04 What?
23:16 Speaker 03 And this is as a friend.
23:17 Speaker 04 I just go everywhere.
23:18 Speaker 03 No. You are really, really funny, if not funnier, when you're completely fucked.
23:26 Speaker 03 So the problem is, when you are exhausted and you've got nothing in the tank, you get funnier.
23:30 Speaker 04 This podcast is the best thing I've ever done.
23:33 Speaker 04 Because it's the only time I'm being honest.
23:36 Speaker 04 It's why I'm not selling any tickets when I go on, what's it called, Cardi B or whatever the show is called.
23:40 Speaker 03 Toby B, Chat and That.
23:42 Speaker 04 Chat and That.
23:43 Speaker 03 Chat and That's quite a good.
23:44 Speaker 04 Chat and That. I'm gonna Google, not Google, I'm gonna put that in the podcast app, I'll put it in Spotify because it's a better app.
23:53 Speaker 04 Is it Chat and That?
23:54 Speaker 03 Chat and That, and that could be like Chat and That, it could be Northern, it could be like Northern.
23:59 Speaker 04 The closest thing that comes up with is Chatterbicks.
24:02 Speaker 03 Hey up, welcome to Chat and That with me Toby B.
24:05 Speaker 04 Yeah.
24:06 Speaker 03 No?
24:07 Speaker 04 No, it's not there.
24:08 Speaker 03 Sorry, what did you say? No, I was saying that as a compliment by the way, you're very funny even when you're.
24:11 Speaker 04 Oh no, I was just gonna repeat something from The Simpsons, that's one of my favourite lines, ever.
24:15 Speaker 03 Go on.
24:16 Speaker 04 It's a man without a face, do you remember it? Mel Gibson, he's got like burns on one side of his face or whatever. Seymour Skinner falls out with his mum and he says, she's put cardboard over her half of the TV.
24:26 Speaker 03 Yeah.
24:27 Speaker 04 And he says, I watched Man Without a Face, I didn't even know he had a problem.
24:30 Speaker 03 That's so funny.
24:30 Speaker 04 So good. Isn't it? Such a good joke.
24:35 Speaker 03 So quick and throwaway as well.
24:36 Speaker 04 Oh, so good. Oh, I love The Simpsons. Anyway.
24:40 Speaker 03 What were you talking about? You said you wanted to talk to me about Rory Stewart?
24:43 Speaker 04 Oh yeah, Rory Stewart officially doesn't know who I am.
24:46 Speaker 03 Really?
24:47 Speaker 04 So you know, we've seen him here.
24:49 Speaker 03 Yes.
24:49 Speaker 04 And I've always thought, he doesn't seem to acknowledge us.
24:53 Speaker 03 No, no, I'd say, no, I'd say he's quite a eyes forward, focused guy.
24:57 Speaker 04 Yeah, so you have to be when you used to be a spy.
25:01 Speaker 03 A bit of a, I'd say Stewart and Campbell pride themselves on being like one of the biggest podcasts in the country. And they are talking about really serious things.
25:10 Speaker 04 Yeah.
25:11 Speaker 03 Talking about potential like political, social change.
25:13 Speaker 04 Yeah.
25:13 Speaker 03 And they'll be pushing certain things and their opinions matter and their opinions can sway lots of people.
25:18 Speaker 04 Stop you there. I don't think their opinions matter.
25:20 Speaker 03 Well, no, but I think they may think they do.
25:21 Speaker 04 They do, yes.
25:22 Speaker 03 And they're very proud of how popular it is.
25:25 Speaker 04 Yep.
25:26 Speaker 03 And how important what they do is, and then we're knocking around like a bad smell.
25:30 Speaker 04 Yeah.
25:31 Speaker 03 That getting similar numbers.
25:33 Speaker 04 Pulling them out of our fucking arseholes.
25:35 Speaker 03 Yeah, we don't have to wait for Trump and the King to go on a tour. You can just take your top off and I'll fry a Japanese, Asian, ex- at you.
25:42 Speaker 04 Exactly, yeah.
25:43 Speaker 03 And we've got Toby B.
25:45 Speaker 04 I think, that's what I thought the situation was.
25:48 Speaker 03 Yeah.
25:48 Speaker 04 But the situation actually is Rory Stewart doesn't know who we are.
25:51 Speaker 03 Right, so what happened?
25:52 Speaker 04 Oxford Circus, not Oxford Circus, Oxford Station. I was doing Oxford on tour.
25:56 Speaker 03 So, yeah, the Oxford, not Oxford Circus, yeah?
25:59 Speaker 04 Yeah, Oxford Station.
26:00 Speaker 03 Yeah.
26:00 Speaker 04 I was like, oh, look who it is, it's Rory Stewart with his family.
26:04 Speaker 03 Right.
26:04 Speaker 04 I gained eye contact.
26:06 Speaker 03 Yeah.
26:06 Speaker 04 And he looked through me in the way that said, I've never seen this person before in my life.
26:11 Speaker 03 Really?
26:12 Speaker 04 That's totally fine.
26:14 Speaker 03 He must know, your face is next to his face in the podcast charts.
26:16 Speaker 04 I genuinely don't believe, you know, and he wasn't like, oh, there's that guy, I don't need to talk to him. He was, there's just someone looking at me. He literally, he did not, I swear on my life, he didn't know.
26:29 Speaker 03 Are we allowed to, I think we can say this, when we were recording a podcast here in Spotify.
26:33 Speaker 04 Yeah.
26:34 Speaker 03 He was being interviewed by someone in the communal cafe area.
26:38 Speaker 04 Yeah, by the fridge.
26:40 Speaker 03 By the fridge, a coffee machine, hot tap.
26:42 Speaker 04 And the, the rice crackers.
26:44 Speaker 03 And the rice crackers, the o- office kitchen, as you'd call it. Anyway, naming no names. So he had said to someone, can you be quiet, please, because I'm doing an interview?
26:53 Speaker 04 Yeah.
26:54 Speaker 03 Which I think.
26:54 Speaker 04 Bear in mind, he's surrounded by podcast studios.
26:57 Speaker 03 Yeah, there is probably eight soundproof rooms available.
27:02 Speaker 04 Yeah.
27:02 Speaker 03 That no one's in. But he stood on the counter of the kitchen.
27:05 Speaker 04 Yeah, not stood on the counter.
27:06 Speaker 03 No, no, he's on the stand, leaning against it. So I went out on a sort of revenge mission and decided to make five cups of coffee in a row I didn't drink next to him being interviewed.
27:17 Speaker 04 Really loud.
27:18 Speaker 03 Really loud.
27:23 Speaker 03 And just did another, and another, because that's who I am.
27:26 Speaker 04 Yeah.
27:27 Speaker 03 I'm, I'm.
27:28 Speaker 04 And did he acknowledge you?
27:28 Speaker 03 No, carried on with the interview.
27:30 Speaker 04 Yeah.
27:31 Speaker 03 And I'm like, well, how loud must the other people been talking? We didn't move either. So maybe he's aware, but he don't like us because he thinks I'm the coffee guy.
27:36 Speaker 04 Honestly, the way he looked at me.
27:38 Speaker 03 Yeah.
27:39 Speaker 04 There was no acknowledgement. It was like, I respect it.
27:42 Speaker 03 Yeah.
27:43 Speaker 04 If he doesn't know who I am, he totally, he didn't even flinch.
27:47 Speaker 03 Well, I think this is our first diss track. Rest is politics. It's over to you. I'm happy for a beef.
27:53 Speaker 04 Alistair, Alistair, you know who we are, we know who you are.
27:56 Speaker 03 If they can profit from a war, why can't we profit from a podcast war?
27:59 Speaker 04 If they can start a war, one of them.
28:01 Speaker 03 Open the strait of Spotify's kitchen.
28:03 Speaker 04 Anyway, so Rory Stewart doesn't know who we are. Well, he might know who you are, he certainly doesn't know who I am.
28:07 Speaker 03 Yeah, but I think I'm just a coffee guy from work.
28:09 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, exactly.
28:10 Speaker 03 I don't think he knows me as podcast boy.
28:11 Speaker 04 Yeah.
28:11 Speaker 03 If he goes, are you Rob Beckett? Were you having a go? I'm Toby B. Would you like to chat on that?
28:18 Speaker 04 Do you know what, it was a shame because I've read Roy Stewart's book and I loved it. And so.
28:22 Speaker 03 I quite like Roy Stewart.
28:23 Speaker 04 Also, I do like him. He's been on the last leg as well, so I haven't met him.
28:26 Speaker 03 Oh my god, he must know who you are.
28:28 Speaker 04 It was years ago, it was before he was part of royalty.
28:30 Speaker 03 Your face hasn't changed in 15 years. But your soul has.
28:34 Speaker 04 My soul has.
28:35 Speaker 03 Your eyes have, for the rest of you, it hasn't.
28:37 Speaker 04 Um, other news.
28:39 Speaker 03 Go on.
28:40 Speaker 04 Um.
28:41 Speaker 03 Have you done that thing again where you've started without anything to say?
28:43 Speaker 04 Yeah.
28:46 Speaker 04 So, I'm going to his birthday party tonight.
28:48 Speaker 03 Yep.
28:49 Speaker 04 I'm going to get a present on the way.
28:51 Speaker 03 What are you going to get? How to get a 50 year old man a present? Is he a football person, a football thing?
28:56 Speaker 04 Yeah, I think I might get him a Japan shirt.
29:00 Speaker 03 Is he an Asian XL? Why don't you go past them classic football shirts and buy him a old Tottenham shirt?
29:04 Speaker 04 Where is the classic football shirts?
29:06 Speaker 03 They used to have one in town, but I think it's over in East London now.
29:08 Speaker 04 Yeah, that's why I won't be going past it.
29:10 Speaker 03 Okay, sorry.
29:10 Speaker 04 Yeah.
29:11 Speaker 03 If only you live there.
29:12 Speaker 04 If only I lived there.
29:13 Speaker 03 You've got your way in.
29:14 Speaker 04 Exactly.
29:15 Speaker 03 When I went to Ant and Dec's birthday party.
29:17 Speaker 04 This is the stress, isn't it?
29:18 Speaker 03 When I went to Ant and Dec's birthday party, I got them Sunderland shirts.
29:21 Speaker 04 Did you? That's good.
29:22 Speaker 03 I bought them two, one each, one with Ant on it, one with Dec. But when you bought the shirts, you got two tickets to the game.
29:27 Speaker 04 Oh?
29:28 Speaker 03 You got a free ticket to the game. I felt a bit of a waste because I was like, it's a banter present.
29:31 Speaker 04 That's a shame.
29:32 Speaker 03 It is a shame.
29:33 Speaker 04 I don't really know what else to do, but I'll, I'll, I'll get something. I don't like those situations where I don't know who's going to be in the room.
29:42 Speaker 03 Yeah.
29:42 Speaker 04 Do you have that? Did you have that at Ant and Dec's?
29:44 Speaker 03 If I go with Lou, I'm more nervous and worried because I'm being a real person going to something.
29:51 Speaker 04 Yeah.
29:51 Speaker 03 I would be more comfortable going on my own.
29:53 Speaker 04 Yes.
29:54 Speaker 03 I double down and I just treat it like a sort of work event type thing.
29:57 Speaker 04 Yeah.
29:58 Speaker 03 You know, and that's easier.
30:00 Speaker 04 Yeah.
30:00 Speaker 03 Because if you don't know them that well.
30:02 Speaker 04 Yeah, so there could be anyone in this. There could literally be an Andrew Lloyd Webber there. So I find those, it's the walking in I don't like. The moment you're with someone, you're you're.
30:14 Speaker 03 You find your corner, you're good to go.
30:16 Speaker 04 You find your corner, you're good to go.
30:18 Speaker 03 But it's the walking, you'll be all right, you'll have a good time.
30:20 Speaker 04 Yeah.
30:21 Speaker 03 But then also I would naturally drink in that situation to come, but you don't drink anymore.
30:24 Speaker 04 No.
30:25 Speaker 03 Which is a good thing, because you can't, it doesn't harm you.
30:27 Speaker 04 Throw up on Andrew Laura Bob's head.
30:28 Speaker 03 Yeah, nearly.
30:29 Speaker 04 Nearly. Anyway, I'll be texting you who the headline people are.
30:33 Speaker 03 Oh, and all the details. And we can report back, I'm on.
30:35 Speaker 04 I'll report back, yeah, yeah. So this is the last time I see you before you go into traitors.
30:39 Speaker 03 Yes, it is. So what I've got a bit of work tomorrow, then I go on Sunday.
30:43 Speaker 04 And are you excited?
30:45 Speaker 03 I am excited.
30:46 Speaker 04 I remember when I did the Strictly Christmas.
30:49 Speaker 03 Yeah.
30:49 Speaker 04 The stress of telling your children that you're doing it, because what you don't want to do, you've got to make the decision without them.
30:57 Speaker 03 Yes.
30:57 Speaker 04 So you you couldn't say, do you think it's a good idea for me to do traitors? Because then if it doesn't come off.
31:02 Speaker 03 Yeah.
31:03 Speaker 04 You can't say, they'll be gutted. So.
31:06 Speaker 03 Yeah, I just, yeah, you just don't.
31:08 Speaker 04 I've got something, as you know, something in the air at the moment that my daughter would be excited for me to do.
31:14 Speaker 03 Yes, but you can't, it's not until it's confirmed.
31:17 Speaker 04 Say it to her. And what if then I get to go on this show? And then she goes, I wish you weren't doing that. Do you know what I mean?
31:25 Speaker 03 Yeah, but I don't think, nah, I don't think there's any, is that they'll either be ambivalent or excitedly doing it. But then I don't know how people deal with this in other jobs where like, oh, we may have to move to Toronto for work.
31:38 Speaker 04 Yeah.
31:38 Speaker 03 And you've got like a five year old and a seven year old in school happy.
31:42 Speaker 04 Yeah.
31:42 Speaker 03 And like your partner's like, what? And then it's like, it's sometimes it's sort of out of your hands. Or it's really good money or promoters, like making that decision to go.
31:50 Speaker 04 Yeah.
31:50 Speaker 03 Because, you know, you were a bit like that, but going to Exeter, but like, you was, that was well, you, you, you, you were the sole person making that decision.
31:57 Speaker 04 There was a lot, I remember the day we took them down to Exeter. There's a lot on that. Do you know what I mean?
32:03 Speaker 03 And the house.
32:04 Speaker 04 Yeah.
32:04 Speaker 03 And the local area.
32:06 Speaker 04 Luckily, we knew it would, they would prefer it because the things that people want to be in London for are wasted on children.
32:14 Speaker 03 Yes.
32:15 Speaker 04 They're not going. Oh, but there's so many good pop up restaurants.
32:19 Speaker 03 Where am I going to get my falafel in Exeter?
32:20 Speaker 04 Yeah, exactly.
32:21 Speaker 03 And I'm sure there's a good falafel place.
32:22 Speaker 04 Oh, we've got to come to our Libanay, but.
32:28 Speaker 04 I don't wanna go on about it, but we have.
32:29 Speaker 03 Do you know, I do think sometimes cha-chains get too much abuse and grief off people.
32:36 Speaker 04 Totally.
32:36 Speaker 03 Rosso Pomodoro.
32:38 Speaker 04 Do you know what?
32:39 Speaker 03 I had that in Italy, I thought it was a little local place.
32:41 Speaker 04 Exactly.
32:42 Speaker 03 I was buzzing when I saw one in Covent Garden.
32:43 Speaker 04 Well, it's the classic, we've had Jared Christmas tell the story on here, but it's one of my favourite ever stories about when he did pantomime with Priscilla Presley and she took them all to Cafe Rouge thinking it was a small French restaurant.
32:56 Speaker 04 But, do you know what, I know I'm meant to be, you know, uncouth and going to exciting parties, because I'm like a celeb.
33:02 Speaker 03 Yeah.
33:03 Speaker 04 But when I moved to Exeter, I was like, roses, Comté de Libanay, Franco Manca, Pizza Express, fucking count me in.
33:11 Speaker 03 Yep.
33:12 Speaker 04 Do you know what, Nando's, they're talking my language.
33:14 Speaker 03 Yeah, and then, you know, tonight you can go for a bit of dinner with Rose, a bit swankier, if you're up in town for work.
33:19 Speaker 04 Do you know what, we're not gonna.
33:20 Speaker 03 What are you gonna do?
33:21 Speaker 04 I'm gonna sit in hotel and watch it get to below dry.
33:26 Speaker 04 Actually, I'm gonna meet a friend.
33:28 Speaker 03 Are you gonna get a blow dry?
33:29 Speaker 04 No, I'm not gonna get a blow dry.
33:31 Speaker 03 You sure?
33:32 Speaker 04 Gonna get something that sounds a bit like a blow dry, am I right? In my bleak, I'll be heading back to that bleak windowless hotel room.
33:41 Speaker 03 I love how that was, you were too tired to make a blowjob joke.
33:45 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah.
33:47 Speaker 03 I'm gonna do something that sounds like it.
33:49 Speaker 04 I can't believe, I don't believe you should be able to sell hotel rooms without, you have to specify.
33:56 Speaker 03 For sharring 101.
33:58 Speaker 04 Do you know what, ask Gemini.
34:01 Speaker 04 Because the thing is, right, I've always thought, I know this sounds bad, I read Boris Becker's book about being in prison, and I read another book about being in prison.
34:10 Speaker 03 Yeah.
34:11 Speaker 04 And I thought, do you know what, I think I'd be alright. 23 hours a day on my own in a room, I think I'd be fine. Fuck that. After this morning, when my phone wasn't working, I didn't have a window, and I didn't have tea making facilities, I thought, I wish, I just, I need to get out of here as fast as possible.
34:28 Speaker 03 Is it illegal for a hotel to give you a room that has no window?
34:32 Speaker 06 In the UK, building regulations typically require rooms to have natural light and ventilation, which usually means windows. However, there can be exceptions, especially in older buildings or specific types of rooms. If you're concerned, it might be worth checking the hotel's policy or the details of the room you booked.
34:55 Speaker 04 I just think it has to be, because you know, when you, I don't think windows is a thing you normally specify. It's like saying, has it got a toilet?
35:03 Speaker 03 Has it got floors?
35:04 Speaker 04 Yeah, exactly.
35:05 Speaker 03 Are there walls?
35:05 Speaker 04 Has it got a bed? Like, a window is bare minimum. It's fucking mental.
35:16 Speaker 01 Pink Pantheress here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together, and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences, and personalised products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, booked just for you based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com.
35:44 Speaker 02 Low energy, unfocused, foggy, you might be dehydrated. Gatorade Zero Powders have been scientifically designed to help improve hydration balance in the body. With a clinically proven electrolyte blend and no artificial colours or flavours, great tasting hydration, no matter where you're going. Shop now online or at retailers nationwide. Gatorade: Hydrates better than water. Is it in you? Symptoms noted are signs of mild to moderate dehydration. Consult a healthcare professional if symptoms persist.
36:13 Speaker 06 When fall comes back around, there's a sense of a reset. And new pieces from Lululemon's Fall Drop are an inspiration to push your goals and elevate your routines. As your calendar fills, easy-to-layer styles meet the demands of your needs. Of your day and as you challenge yourself to try even more versatile sets transition with you the Lululemon fall lineup brings new levels of comfort and confidence whether you're starting something fresh or starting something over check out the latest arrivals in store and on lululemon.com now
36:46 Speaker 03 I should do some correspondence Josh
36:47 Speaker 04 Yeah
36:48 Speaker 03 Here we go what do you want flying solo as a child
36:51 Speaker 04 Yeah we haven't done that much
36:52 Speaker 03 Let's do a couple of them flying solo as a child Josh hello guys I loved hearing about the kids who have flown on their own and have just heard the story of the 12 year old and eight year old sisters travelling by train from Glasgow to London when I was eight and my brother was 12 we flew to Iran
37:07 Speaker 04 Wow
37:08 Speaker 03 Via Moscow
37:10 Speaker 04 Fucking hell
37:10 Speaker 03 On our own to visit dad who was working there
37:13 Speaker 04 Oh my god
37:14 Speaker 03 Eight and 12 this was in 1976
37:17 Speaker 04 Oh my god two weeks two two years before the
37:20 Speaker 03 Revolution yeah that's what they said it was also the time of a strike at Heathrow and I remember my mum going to the chapel to pray for our safety whilst we were battling the crowds
37:30 Speaker 04 Jesus fucking Christ
37:31 Speaker 03 That was before we even left England we flew on Aeroflot and they judged my brother to be an adult we didn't even get an escort not even through Moscow Airport where the alphabet isn't the same
37:44 Speaker 04 Jesus fucking Christ
37:46 Speaker 03 We didn't even get seats together on the first leg
37:48 Speaker 04 Oh my god
37:50 Speaker 03 But I remember I made a friend and luckily her mum saw us through Moscow
37:54 Speaker 04 Oh my god in the Soviet Union
37:58 Speaker 03 On the way to Iran
37:59 Speaker 04 On the way to Iran it was nicer before the revolution though
38:02 Speaker 03 Yeah I know but fuck me mate do you know what I mean it's not worth going through Moscow for it is it where are they fucking flying from to get there it's gone up to go down
38:09 Speaker 04 Good point
38:11 Speaker 03 We got to Tehran we didn't know our dad's exact address so they wouldn't let us through they held my brother behind as once again they judge him to be an adult I was taken through with security guards to try and find our dad.
38:23 Speaker 04 I fucking hate that bit on the plane. When you, you know when you're landing and they give you those forms?
38:29 Speaker 03 Yeah.
38:30 Speaker 04 And they're like, address of your hotel. And you're like, how the fuck am I meant to know that off the top of my head? You've made me put my phone onto airplane mode.
38:38 Speaker 03 No photos allowed, no phones.
38:40 Speaker 04 Yeah.
38:40 Speaker 03 Now tell me where it is.
38:41 Speaker 04 Where exactly are you going? I don't know, because I'm flying to a city I don't know because I'm working here.
38:48 Speaker 03 Yeah, and that's what you say at the border, isn't it? They held him back because they thought it was an adult. I was taken through with security guards to find our dad. I remember lots of ladies in full burkas pointing and laughing at me as a small white girl was quite an unusual sight.
39:00 Speaker 04 Fair enough.
39:01 Speaker 03 I was petrified. And that was the start of a very interesting holiday. Our first ever time abroad, oh my god, and our first flight. Talk about baptism of fire. Another thing that stood out on the flight, Aeroflot offered us children wine and caviar.
39:14 Speaker 04 Amazing.
39:15 Speaker 03 In economy, in case you think I'm a posh knob moaning about travelling alone in business. And I thought all flights would be like that. I'm really looking forward to seeing you both on tour in Brighton next year. That's Kathy from Haywards. The seventies was wild, wasn't it?
39:26 Speaker 04 Did that last week.
39:27 Speaker 03 How was it? Did you see Kathy there?
39:29 Speaker 04 I didn't see Kathy, but it was a nice gig, actually.
39:31 Speaker 03 Do you want another one? Hi, Rob and Josh. I thought we might enjoy this little throwback to the nineties when kids like me got packed off onto aeroplanes completely on our own. I went to boarding school in Kent from the age of eight while my parents lived in Canada.
39:45 Speaker 03 Every holiday I was put on a plane as what they called an unoccupied minor. The process was surreal. One of the airport staff would collect me and my parents at the ticket desk. And then march us all the way to the gate, would say goodbye there, and then I'd be walked straight through security like I was a cabin crew. No shops, no duty free, no snacks, no messing about, straight to the gate, plonked in a chair and told to wait until the cabin crew collected me. They'd take me, strap me in a seat, and that was that. I remember before going through the gate, I'd always get the squits.
40:12 Speaker 04 Oh, I'm not at that phrase in a while.
40:14 Speaker 03 I just constantly running back and forth from the toilet. I just don't think my parents ever realised how utterly disturbed I was by it. This is fucking awful.
40:23 Speaker 04 Awful.
40:24 Speaker 03 And you're moaning about going to Aberdeen? She's shitting herself on the way to Toronto, eh?
40:31 Speaker 03 Yo, what's in and watching the Toby B on chat and that?
40:35 Speaker 04 Shout on that.
40:36 Speaker 03 Shout.
40:42 Speaker 03 Shout out Matt. Oh bless this poor, poor person Hannah.
40:45 Speaker 04 Oh my word.
40:47 Speaker 03 On my very first trip, I was sat next to a boy, maybe 10 or 11, who'd done it before. He lay me over and told me I wasn't allowed to get out of my seat for the entire flight.
40:55 Speaker 04 Oh you little prick.
40:56 Speaker 03 I believed him, so I just sat there bursting for the loo, too scared to... I'm gonna cry.
41:01 Speaker 04 Oh god.
41:02 Speaker 03 And this was back in the days before personal seat back screens. Instead they had one big tell at the front showing whatever they'd chosen. So I ended up watching Tin Cup.
41:13 Speaker 04 It's not all bad.
41:15 Speaker 03 Kevin Costner golf film. Not exactly soothing viewing for a terrified eight year old. Meanwhile, I was absolutely petrified of turbulence, gripping the armrest the whole way, convinced the plane was about to drop out of the sky. Looking back now, it's wild. I was basically just passed around like a hand luggage with a passport.
41:30 Speaker 04 Oh no.
41:32 Speaker 03 At the time, it felt weirdly normal, but honestly... This is the fucking... I've got to be a vlog. But honestly, I'd say it really did fuck me up for life.
41:41 Speaker 04 Oh my god. Oh my god. Fucking hell.
41:46 Speaker 03 Love the pod. Thanks for making us feel slightly less mad.
41:50 Speaker 03 Hannah, 38, she's younger than that. So that's not like back in the 60s, it's just like...
41:54 Speaker 04 No, but I did it.
41:56 Speaker 03 How, as a parent? Imagine.
41:58 Speaker 04 But it was fine when I did it. It wasn't like that. It was...
42:02 Speaker 03 Yeah, but she's a bull... You did one trip to your nan's. She's doing bullies, going back and forth, back and forth. It's awful.
42:10 Speaker 04 I told you about my gram phoning British Airways. I'm sure I added this bit to the story. So she was like overly concerned about it all, like kept phoning a travel agent or whatever, British Airways. She said to them, "And just to check, you know that he's a vegetarian?" And the guy on the other end went, "Madam, by now the whole of British Airways knows he's a vegetarian."
42:31 Speaker 03 Yeah, you have told that before. Michael? Yep.
42:36 Speaker 04 Gone, nothing left.
42:37 Speaker 03 That's Shadonat. See you next week.
42:42 Speaker 04 Give us another bit of correspondence.
42:44 Speaker 03 Do you want me to do it as Toby B?
42:46 Speaker 04 Yeah, go on.
42:47 Speaker 03 But all our ones are quite blink.
42:48 Speaker 04 Give me the topic that feels the most Toby B.
42:50 Speaker 03 Playground shaggers?
42:52 Speaker 04 Yeah, go on.
42:52 Speaker 03 I've got a short one here. Hey Toby, Mikey B.
42:57 Speaker 03 Mikey?
42:59 Speaker 04 Plain, plain sound?
43:00 Speaker 03 Plain sound. I went to school slash college with a, oh, I'm doing it as Toby B.
43:04 Speaker 04 Yeah.
43:04 Speaker 03 Got a great one here, Josh. Um, we've got a little speech here, we do playground shaggers about people that have had sex with other people's.
43:10 Speaker 04 Yeah.
43:11 Speaker 03 Uh, I went to school, college with a boy, let's call him Dean, or am I doing it, am I northern Toby B? I don't know what I am.
43:16 Speaker 04 No, I think this is it. It's, um, it's, um.
43:19 Speaker 03 Radio.
43:20 Speaker 04 Radio, like, low level.
43:23 Speaker 03 Wedding DJ.
43:24 Speaker 04 No, it's like, um, you know those commercial stations where they've all got similar names?
43:28 Speaker 03 QVC type thing?
43:29 Speaker 04 No, like, um.
43:30 Speaker 03 Okay, well, just tell me what it is then.
43:32 Speaker 04 I don't wanna name one. No, you're doing it right, but what I mean is, the kind of station where, you know, when you go into the global building, and there's other stations you're not sure of.
43:41 Speaker 03 And it may be not the person that hosts the main show.
43:45 Speaker 04 Yeah, so it's like one till four.
43:47 Speaker 03 Got you. Hey lads!
43:49 Speaker 04 Yeah.
43:49 Speaker 03 Went to school slash college with a boy, let's call him Dean. During high school, his dad had an affair with Dean's mum's mum.
43:59 Speaker 04 Oh, fucking Nora.
44:00 Speaker 03 I can't understand it, because I'm doing the voice. What's happened?
44:02 Speaker 04 His mother-in-law.
44:04 Speaker 03 Oh, he's got a boy called Dean. His dad had an affair.
44:07 Speaker 04 Come out of Toby B now.
44:08 Speaker 03 This is up me, this is my.
44:10 Speaker 04 Like, you sleeping with Lou's mum?
44:11 Speaker 03 Yep, his nan became his step-mum.
44:14 Speaker 04 Oh my, what, they got together?
44:16 Speaker 03 Yep. At parent's evening, all three of them would turn up like an extremely dysfunctional family.
44:19 Speaker 04 That's mental, that's mental, that's not on.
44:22 Speaker 03 You know what that is? Chatting that.
44:25 Speaker 04 Chatting that.
44:26 Speaker 03 Cheating that.
44:27 Speaker 04 Cheating that, yeah.
44:28 Speaker 03 It's not as good as your chatting that.
44:29 Speaker 04 But that's mental.
44:30 Speaker 03 But that's the point of the podcast, it can be.
44:31 Speaker 04 How's that allowed?
44:33 Speaker 03 Do you know what would change the whole argument for us? If we was like, this is crazy, mad, and then we got sent a photo of Dean's nan.
44:41 Speaker 04 And she was.
44:42 Speaker 03 We'll go, fair enough.
44:43 Speaker 04 Fair enough.
44:44 Speaker 03 Understood.
44:45 Speaker 04 His nan Cindy Crawford.
44:46 Speaker 03 You know.
44:48 Speaker 04 But.
44:48 Speaker 03 I did whip out names and forgot Claudia Schiffer.
44:51 Speaker 04 Claudia Schiffer.
44:52 Speaker 03 Schifer, Shiffer?
44:53 Speaker 04 I don't, it's fine with either, isn't it?
44:55 Speaker 03 Cindy Crawford. She's still?
44:57 Speaker 04 Yasmin Bleeth.
44:59 Speaker 04 Pam Anderson, obviously.
45:02 Speaker 04 Great days.
45:02 Speaker 03 Great days. Um, small business, should we do a small business shout out?
45:05 Speaker 04 Let's do a small.
45:06 Speaker 03 I've got one here from Rob Rouse, actually.
45:08 Speaker 04 Oh, yeah.
45:09 Speaker 03 You know, Rob Rouse.
45:10 Speaker 04 Yeah.
45:10 Speaker 03 We did, uh, he did one of the live shows. A little yawn there from Josh. Oh, he sneaks out during small business.
45:15 Speaker 04 It's the end. It's the end.
45:16 Speaker 03 Well, it's not the end because we're still recording the show. Here we go. Uh, hi, Rob. Uh, my other half Helen has just launched something called Mind Wanderers. And I thought it might fit your parenting pod for the small business chat. It's basically a creative imagination box for seven to 11 year olds. Little suitcases filled with story prompts, activities and bits to get them making stuff up for fun, not schooly at all. There's also Snail Mail Writing Club for slightly older kids who like reading and writing, where they get letters and they can actually write back to Helen. It came from her being a children's author and noticing through her school visits that kids just aren't that into reading and writing for fun anymore. So it's all about making it feel a bit magical again, rather than like homework. Would you be up for giving a quick shout out on the pod?
45:59 Speaker 03 Totally get it if not, but worth an ask. Her website is Helen Rutter dot com. That's H E L E N R U T T E R dot com. There we go. So that's Helen Rutter, the author is doing these imagination boxes. Go on a website and check them out.
46:13 Speaker 04 Lovely, Rob.
46:14 Speaker 03 Also check Rob Rouse out. Very funny man.
46:15 Speaker 04 Very funny man. Hi, Rob. Josh Michael. After a tough start to 2026 with a sadly experiencing miscarriage and both needing some time away from work to process it. Shannon has shown incredible strength. She used this time to focus her energy on something positive. Has launched a new business venture. Shannon's Home Cleaning Services. If you're based in the Greater Manchester area and are looking for a relatable, high quality cleaner. Reliable, not relatable. I thought that was weird.
46:43 Speaker 03 You said relatable.
46:44 Speaker 04 It's because we use that word so much.
46:46 Speaker 03 But she said reliable.
46:46 Speaker 04 She said reliable.
46:47 Speaker 03 You just changed it.
46:48 Speaker 04 A relatable cleaner is quite a weird. What do you want from a cleaner? I want to be able to relate to them. Obviously you do, but I wouldn't say that's what you'd sell them as. Reliable.
46:56 Speaker 03 Well, after every time they clean something, they go, do you remember Pogs?
47:02 Speaker 03 Sunny Delight was good for it, wasn't it? Anyway, see you in a bit, just in the stairs.
47:05 Speaker 04 More relatable cleaning stuff coming your way. J. Klos are thin, aren't they? That kind of stuff. Why can't I use the bathroom spray in the kitchen? How does it know which room I'm in?
47:16 Speaker 03 This is good stuff.
47:17 Speaker 04 This is good stuff.
47:18 Speaker 03 We're quite formal in our house, we call it the Jason Klos.
47:23 Speaker 04 Right, if you're looking, if you're based in the Greater Manchester area and looking for a relatable and reliable, high-quality cleaner, she'd love to hear from you. You can find her on Instagram at Shannon's Home Cleaning, where you'll also see the attached price list. Thank you very much for taking the time to read this. Best regards, Luke.
47:41 Speaker 03 Thanks, Luke. Good luck, Shannon. Good luck, Helen. Josh, see you soon, hopefully not too soon.
47:48 Speaker 04 Hopefully not too soon.
47:50 Speaker 03 Bye.
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Previous S12 EP44: Jack Savoretti Next S12 EP46: Laura Smyth (The Return) Page updated October 30, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated