⚽ Old Trafford: Theatre of Nightmares⚽

Back with some more topical football hot takes... How does Carrick still have a job? Is Jason Wilcox sinking into his coat? Is Florian Wirtz good now? How do you send off 53 people in a match? And much much more.... If you want to get in touch with the show you can; Email us: [email protected] And follow us on Instagram and Tiktok: @footballinghell FPL team -⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ join the Footballing / Parenting Hell mini league ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ LEAGUE CODE: 1a5fc7 Leave us a 5* review and subscribe to the podcast please. You know the score by now. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Footballing Hell ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Monday (don't worry - it's business as usual on Tuesday and Friday with the usual Parenting Hell episodes) A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Observe. The North American Dad. 50s. Great polo collection. He enters his vehicle information on Carvana. An offer appears in minutes. Remarkable. He squints, reads it again, smiles and says, dang, that's a good offer. The highest form of approval. No haggling, no hassle. No one called him boss. He's still on the couch. Astonishing. Sell your car today on carvana.com. Pickup fees may apply.

• 0:30Speaker 01

  Shop Black Friday appliance savings and get up to an extra $1,250 off select appliance purchases like GE Profile. Plus free delivery on appliance purchases of $398 or more. Make life easier with the fridge that doubles as your personal kitchen assistant. Or upgrade your laundry room with the Ultra Fresh Vent System Plus Front Load Washer. So your clothes stay fresh after every single wash. Shop Black Friday appliance savings with fast free delivery at The Home Depot. Offer valid November 4th through December 2nd at participating stores and at homedepot.com. U.S. only. See store online for details.

• 1:00Speaker 02

  Progressive's Accident Response can contact emergency services if you're in a major accident. The only thing worse than someone you love being in an accident is not being able to help them. So Progressive is here to help when you can't. So get peace of mind knowing your loved ones are protected with Progressive's Accident Response. Learn more at progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Limited availability in California. Driver is responsible for emergency and towing charges not covered by the policy. Coverage subject to policy terms and conditions.

• 1:41Speaker 03

  Hello, you're listening to, or watching, listening to Football in Hell.

• 1:46Speaker 04

  Yes, Rob. I still haven't, I see Jared Bowen most weeks at the moment, Rob.

• 1:52Speaker 03

  Right, okay. Do you know what? Out of all that's happened in the last two weeks where we weren't doing topical, and this weekend of football, I couldn't believe Jared Bowen's going to be the first thing we talk about.

• 2:03Speaker 04

  No, because I was gonna say, I still haven't got a voice note from him.

• 2:06Speaker 03

  Oh, for the opening?

• 2:07Speaker 04

  Yeah. I've met Jared Bowen in writing since we last did it, and I didn't get an intro of each.

• 2:12Speaker 03

  You're busy. You've got stuff going on. You can't be doing a Jared.

• 2:15Speaker 04

  It's very difficult in that context.

• 2:17Speaker 03

  It's a big job, and you know, no one's gonna be going like, you know.

• 2:20Speaker 04

  Oh, do you know who I met on Saturday night as well? Jimmy Floyd Hasselbank. What an arse.

• 2:25Speaker 03

  Great arse.

• 2:26Speaker 04

  Great arse.

• 2:27Speaker 03

  Did you see his, oh, sat down, I suppose?

• 2:29Speaker 04

  No, he was actually stood, but we were facing each other because that's how we chat traditionally, me and Jimmy.

• 2:34Speaker 03

  You didn't go on your knees and talk to his behind?

• 2:37Speaker 04

  No, I didn't.

• 2:39Speaker 03

  You're laying your side like you're trying to defend a low free kick.

• 2:42Speaker 04

  No, no. Which is such a pathetic role in the team, isn't it? It's so demeaning.

• 2:49Speaker 03

  Certain players can't, you can't get Cantona to do that.

• 2:52Speaker 04

  I just think it's embarrassing to be that guy. I just think, I don't, I think I'd rather concede.

• 2:58Speaker 03

  They've deserved it. I'm not laying on the floor. They've deserved that.

• 3:01Speaker 04

  I'm not gonna lie on the, come on. I can't lie on the floor. Who do you, I've, I've been practicing to be a footballer for 20 years, and now my role is lie on the floor.

• 3:12Speaker 03

  It's a good game. Lie, to go in with our little bastard, was it little shit and massive bastards?

• 3:17Speaker 04

  I've got one.

• 3:19Speaker 03

  I'll go.

• 3:20Speaker 04

  Pete Thomas, who is a producer, who's basically the head of football, I think, at TNT Sports.

• 3:27Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 3:28Speaker 04

  He texted me.

• 3:30Speaker 03

  Oh, look at you. You've got people all in the right place, haven't you?

• 3:32Speaker 04

  He used to work on Last Leg, back in the day. And he said, Steve McManaman could solve your wing problem on your lanky bastards team.

• 3:41Speaker 03

  Huge shout.

• 3:42Speaker 04

  Great.

• 3:42Speaker 03

  Lanky bastard. He was. We have a lanky bastard.

• 3:45Speaker 04

  He was, yeah. Because it's difficult with wide men, isn't it? But yeah, Steve McManaman's a good one.

• 3:50Speaker 03

  What about, so we've got little, we've got little shits, massive bastards. What's the other ones we had? String beans.

• 3:56Speaker 04

  String beans. So Steve McManaman's in the string bean team.

• 3:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, Kanu. Someone suggested Kanu as a string bean.

• 4:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, he is a string bean.

• 4:02Speaker 03

  And what about little, little lie down wankers? Who in the team would be your little lie down wanker?

• 4:10Speaker 04

  Well, they've got to be, they can't be too small because they've got to, they've got to be at least the height of the length of a wall.

• 4:16Speaker 03

  My brain immediately goes to Phil Jones. He would launch himself to the floor in any opportunity for a header, for a tackle, guts and all. No ego would get down there. He'd do it as well face first. Eyes to the ground.

• 4:29Speaker 04

  Do you know who wouldn't do it?

• 4:31Speaker 03

  Who's that?

• 4:32Speaker 04

  Michael.

• 4:33Speaker 03

  Producer Michael.

• 4:34Speaker 04

  Producer Michael would not lie down on the floor.

• 4:36Speaker 03

  No, he wouldn't. You wouldn't, would you, Michael?

• 4:39Speaker 05

  Do you know what? I wouldn't. I really love defending, but I think that's just humiliating. It's like being the end of a panto horse. I'd just rather be no part of it.

• 4:51Speaker 03

  It's like being the knob of a panto horse.

• 4:55Speaker 04

  You don't get this on one of the overlaps, hundreds of different podcasts.

• 5:00Speaker 03

  Well, Josh, it's getting to the point where like, our shtick might be, or we're a little bit like, shambolic, but like, it's actually getting to the point where it's like, we are two men that can't cope in the modern world.

• 5:08Speaker 04

  It's not good enough.

• 5:09Speaker 03

  It's not good enough, quite frankly.

• 5:11Speaker 04

  Jamie Redknapp and Tim Sherwood on a Wednesday or whatever. It's not doing that.

• 5:15Speaker 03

  Look, I love football, so I will not see Jamie Redknapp, Tim Sherwood talk to rubbish about traitors on the overlap, please. Anyway, so what was you, what was he talking about?

• 5:24Speaker 05

  Lying down behind the wall.

• 5:25Speaker 03

  Lying down behind the wall.

• 5:26Speaker 04

  Oh, no, no. I was about to segue perfectly.

• 5:29Speaker 03

  Before what happened? You knocked your microphone out?

• 5:31Speaker 04

  Before I knocked my microphone out. I was about to do some good presenting, and then I did some absolutely terrible presenting.

• 5:36Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 5:37Speaker 04

  So in terms of the absolute embarrassment of being made to lie down behind the wall.

• 5:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:44Speaker 04

  I think the only thing more embarrassing is the guy who's going to get sacked from Man U as manager. But they allow him to do another couple of weeks because they haven't got someone lined up yet. It's just too embarrassing. Imagine, Rob, if Lou said.

• 6:03Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 6:04Speaker 04

  I've had a meeting with my friends.

• 6:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:07Speaker 04

  About whether I should dump you.

• 6:08Speaker 03

  Imagine.

• 6:16Speaker 04

  So Lou goes publicly, tonight I'm meeting up with my friends to decide whether I should dump you.

• 6:22Speaker 03

  They haven't said it publicly though, have they?

• 6:24Speaker 04

  We know they had a meeting, don't we? They had a, they had a meeting.

• 6:27Speaker 03

  Let Michael jump in here because he will know this. Did they publicly say they was having a meeting about management?

• 6:32Speaker 05

  No, because I think that would, that would be one step too far. That would be like.

• 6:36Speaker 04

  It happened, didn't it?

• 6:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, like they, they have spoken openly to other managers and the consent, the consensus is they can't. The only reason Carrick's still got a job is because internally they can't decide who they want to go for.

• 6:49Speaker 04

  So imagine if Lou said, Rob.

• 6:51Speaker 03

  Okay, why's it gonna have to be Lou? Go on.

• 6:52Speaker 04

  All right. Imagine if Rose came to me and said, look, this has been a disaster.

• 6:57Speaker 03

  Actually, can I go back to it? I like it being Lou because I like the jeopardy. I like the feeling of jeopardy. When it's you, it's like, I'm not in it.

• 7:02Speaker 04

  Lou said to you, right, this has been our worst start to a year together since 1972.

• 7:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay, yeah. That's a tough year for her family.

• 7:14Speaker 04

  Yeah. It's been absolutely appalling and it's embarrassing.

• 7:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:20Speaker 04

  I haven't worried how I want to go out with yet, so do you fancy doing another two more weeks as my husband?

• 7:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, but what I would say to her is, look, I had a wonderful time here with you when you were dating Ferguson.

• 7:37Speaker 03

  I don't know if you sent a hundred G words. When you were dating Ferguson for years.

• 7:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:41Speaker 03

  And I was here as a young boy watching it go on.

• 7:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:45Speaker 03

  And I was watching Fergie time have success at the Theatre of Dreams, which is you, Louise.

• 7:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:53Speaker 03

  Then I understand. I can, I will give you two more weeks of me because of Ferguson.

• 7:58Speaker 04

  The Theatre of Dreams then felt like quite modern and exciting, whereas now it's a bit decrepit and leaky, isn't it?

• 8:05Speaker 03

  You're talking about Lou's body?

• 8:06Speaker 04

  Oh, I'm talking about, yeah, I'm just on the football and that.

• 8:10Speaker 03

  This is where the analogy will get us into trouble, Josh. You're saying a heavy storm, Lou will leak all over the West End.

• 8:16Speaker 04

  And actually, Lou, I think it is a good decision that you're considering to totally replace the body. Totally replace the theatre and change the complete new Theatre of Dreams.

• 8:30Speaker 04

  Just once you found the funding to do so.

• 8:33Speaker 03

  Who's gonna, who's, who's gonna do the joke about refurbishing the away end?

• 8:40Speaker 03

  Have you thought about giving the away end some attention? The players' tunnel looks lovely. Taps away in that corner. It's been their years doing a solid job. No one's complaining about that. Right, then we've got to stop. We've got, yeah.

• 8:55Speaker 03

  Right, where do we start, guys? Because.

• 8:58Speaker 04

  I just think I feel sorry for Michael Carrick. He's really, it's too sad.

• 9:05Speaker 03

  I mean, I feel sorry for Jason Wilcox. He's getting a lot of grief. They keep cutting to in the stands. He looks like Tony Blair after he invaded Iraq. He's got all grey. He's lost his guitar playing pizzazz. I just want to see Wilcox on the wing hugging Stuart Ripley.

• 9:19Speaker 04

  So deep inside his coat these days. He's embarrassing. He's 99% coat.

• 9:26Speaker 03

  His posture's awful. For an ex-professional, he's slipping. He looks like he's been melted. You know, like in a, in a sort of superhero film, someone's being melted in the crowd because they've been contaminated.

• 9:39Speaker 04

  Well, is the Theatre of Dreams so decrepit that its seeds falling apart? I can't.

• 9:43Speaker 03

  Are you talking about Lou again? All right, okay.

• 9:48Speaker 04

  I bet you the Lou's are awful, yeah.

• 9:50Speaker 03

  Did you see that, this was ages ago, but did you see that, oh, that's the Leeds fan that shouted at Alex Ferguson. It was so out of order.

• 9:56Speaker 04

  What did he say?

• 9:58Speaker 03

  This is awful. He goes, Fergie, Leeds away. Fergie, Fergie. And Ferguson's really old now. He's like, not as spry as he once was. And he's had a lot of health complications and he is an absolute legend, one of the greatest people ever involved in football, whether you, you know. And he looks up and a Leeds fan goes, you [BLEEP].

• 10:21Speaker 03

  It's so awful. He's still an old man. I can't say that to an old man.

• 10:29Speaker 04

  Leeds away, it's a tough one, isn't it? To go and watch when your team's shit. They've taken away his 2 million retainer. He's like, Michael Carrick, what's wrong with these people? Just leave it. He was good before.

• 10:43Speaker 03

  Well, so we had these two weeks off, Josh, and Man United were shit, but Tottenham were shitter. And then Tottenham have had a resurgence. And Bill and my other Tottenham mates have said, why aren't you talking about Tottenham? But they've gone shit again.

• 10:57Speaker 04

  I know, we should tell you, we were putting out episodes, but they were pre-recorded.

• 11:01Speaker 03

  Well, they were pre-recorded because we was on half term.

• 11:03Speaker 04

  I was worried we were going to miss Michael Carrick getting sacked. I was worried. But somehow, Jason Wilcox has pulled us through.

• 11:11Speaker 03

  So, right, let's talk about this. Man United have got to replace, well, I am actually on the agreement that they probably need some new ma- The vibe is they need new ownership, not a new manager. Is that correct, Michael?

• 11:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think that's been the case for a very long time, but that's just simply not going to happen.

• 11:27Speaker 03

  Right. So then what happens then?

• 11:30Speaker 04

  You don't sell a football club, Rob. I'm going to give you some analysis here. The Glazer family, I've got a football club that is just making the money, right? And they've also installed a guy, Jim Ratcliffe, they've given him some of the club, sold him some of the club, so that he gets all the flak for them being shit. So they're not even here. Why would they sell it?

• 11:54Speaker 03

  Well, why is Ratcliffe not in the crowd and it keeps going to Wilcox?

• 11:57Speaker 04

  I don't, imagine, Rob, if you owned some of the Chicago Bulls.

• 12:04Speaker 03

  Okay, yeah.

• 12:05Speaker 04

  Right? And they're paying you millions and millions of pounds a year to your bank account in Bromley.

• 12:12Speaker 03

  Right. Are they paying Jim Ratcliffe money or is he just paid to be part of it?

• 12:16Speaker 04

  Sorry, the Glazers are getting money.

• 12:18Speaker 03

  Glazers are getting money from Man United, right?

• 12:20Speaker 05

  He was in a meeting, I think this week, one of the Glazers, and he said, the success, the on-field success of the football club does not impact the commercial viability of this in any way, shape or form. I do not care whether the team does well because it makes money.

• 12:34Speaker 03

  Well, the thing is, actually, isn't it more commercially beneficial for Man United to be shit than Man United to be good? Because if Man United are shit, the whole world watches. When they're good, only Man United fans watch.

• 12:48Speaker 04

  We wouldn't be talking about, we're not talking about Arsenal.

• 12:50Speaker 03

  No, no, boring, boring. They're a little bit boring. They're nothing exciting. Everyone hates them. Already won a league. Man City have fallen off a cliff. I'd like to discuss that. We need to discuss Tottenham. Bill is currently refusing to take a call because he's doing bedtime. Because we're recording this at Sunday evening, not Monday morning. But I will attempt to call him later on so he can talk about that because he does deserve to take some glory from their recent results, even though they lost against Leeds. But what's the plan with Man United then? Him getting a, you can't sack someone after a draw.

• 13:26Speaker 04

  That's the beauty of it. The 4-4, which I didn't realise, it was a 4-4 when I texted you earlier because I went up to do bath time at 4-2.

• 13:33Speaker 03

  And that's for your kids, not your specific bath time.

• 13:37Speaker 04

  It was Bill's. I was giving Bill his bath time.

• 13:42Speaker 03

  So 4-4, did you watch it? You did watch it?

• 13:45Speaker 04

  I watched it up to 4-2.

• 13:47Speaker 03

  It was amazing. 2-0 down straight away.

• 13:49Speaker 04

  Like, this is over. I need to get this done before the podcast.

• 13:53Speaker 03

  Yeah. 4-2, I thought they'd, it was gone.

• 13:56Speaker 04

  So funny, isn't it? What's going on in the team talks that means they start each half so badly? It's so.

• 14:04Speaker 03

  Well, I actually think because they were so bad at the start, that their ego got involved and they were like, this is embarrassing now for me as an individual, as part of this team. So it kicked them into gear, but I still don't feel there's a team spirit. I feel like the Man United players felt a bit embarrassed. And then Aston Villa did drop the ball a bit, like they were giving away really careless balls towards the end. It was ridiculous. I don't like to be the kind of guy that talks about offside goals, but the second Man United goal, Mbuemo is offside.

• 14:33Speaker 04

  No, he's not. There's a guy, there's a fullback that's further back.

• 14:37Speaker 03

  Just playing him on.

• 14:38Speaker 04

  He's playing him on.

• 14:39Speaker 03

  Right, I didn't see that angle then because, so that guy's playing him on because at that point he's right in front of the keeper. So if that fullback weren't there, that would have been offside.

• 14:47Speaker 04

  I think so, yeah.

• 14:48Speaker 03

  Got you. Right, okay, that's fine then. And that is why I'll never talk about this old goal ever again.

• 14:53Speaker 04

  Michael, how's your mental feelings towards Man United?

• 14:58Speaker 05

  I'm sort of like amusingly indifferent. I care about the football club, but it doesn't impact my wellbeing or my emotional state.

• 15:05Speaker 04

  Do you think he'll get sacked?

• 15:06Speaker 05

  So we've been so bad for, yeah, he won't, he won't be in charge for the next Manchester United fixture.

• 15:11Speaker 03

  No. Oh, you've got international break?

• 15:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, we've got an international break, so that doesn't save his job. Our next game is Liverpool. There's no way he's in charge for that. No way.

• 15:19Speaker 03

  I think he is.

• 15:21Speaker 04

  Oh God, I hope he is.

• 15:22Speaker 03

  Give him a chance. He did so well for you last season. Just give him a chance.

• 15:27Speaker 05

  I have a theory because this year, they're filming the Amazon documentary this season.

• 15:31Speaker 03

  Oh God, I cannot wait.

• 15:33Speaker 05

  Absolute box office, but I think whoever, whoever wants the job, yeah, but I think they've looked at that and gone, absolutely fucking not. I am not walking into that shit show with the cameras. I'll take the job in the summer, whereas they can't keep, if we keep character the summer for that reason, we will be relegated.

• 15:49Speaker 04

  Imagine if Man City and Man U went down.

• 15:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, but your players, it's a mental, like, Mbuemo, Cunha and Fernandez are an excellent three. They should be like, just with them on your own and the average rest of the team.

• 16:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, I agree, but in the same way you can't build a house on quicksand, like they've got Diego Dallo behind them, basically facing the other way when attackers run at him.

• 16:11Speaker 03

  Maguire looked rough again as well. He's getting all aggy. He's giving a bit of elbows and stuff because I think he's getting frustrated.

• 16:17Speaker 04

  I've got a good stat for you that I heard the commentator say. I don't know if you've heard this. Man U have conceded more goals this season than any other team in a top European division.

• 16:26Speaker 03

  They've conceded more goals than any other team in the whole of Europe, top division.

• 16:29Speaker 04

  The good ones, the good European leagues, I think. I don't know what that qualifies as.

• 16:34Speaker 03

  They will find a stat for anything to make a team look shit, won't they?

• 16:37Speaker 04

  I don't think you need to find one for Man U.

• 16:40Speaker 03

  Just a table. Are you in the relegation zone?

• 16:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:43Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 16:44Speaker 03

  That is bad, isn't it?

• 16:45Speaker 05

  We're 10 games in and we are in the relegation zone.

• 16:48Speaker 04

  You're on for a quarter of the season in.

• 16:50Speaker 05

  Yeah. The fact that he still has his job is mind blowing.

• 16:54Speaker 04

  He's won one league game.

• 16:56Speaker 05

  We've kept one clean sheet all season and that was against that made up team in Europe.

• 17:00Speaker 03

  Let's stop bashing him. He just beat Roma in the Champions League.

• 17:05Speaker 03

  Have some respect. And you beat Suba FC in the Champions League.

• 17:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's the only clean sheet we've kept all season, I think.

• 17:11Speaker 03

  The Shaba.

• 17:14Speaker 03

  Shabrunken, Shabrunks FC.

• 17:21Speaker 03

  God, you are shit. You even lost in the friendlies. You lost to Wrexham.

• 17:28Speaker 04

  Oh my word. Well, that'd be in two documentaries.

• 17:35Speaker 01

  Shop Black Friday appliance savings and get up to an extra $1,250 off select appliance purchases like GE Profile. Plus free delivery on appliance purchases of $398 or more. Make life easier with the fridge that doubles as your personal kitchen assistant. Or upgrade your laundry room with the Ultra Fresh Vent System Plus Front Load Washer. So your clothes stay fresh after every single wash. Shop Black Friday appliance savings with fast free delivery at The Home Depot. Offer valid November 4th through December 2nd at participating stores and at homedepot.com. US only. See store online for details.

• 18:06Speaker 02

  Progressive's Accident Response can contact emergency services if you're in a major accident. The only thing worse than someone you love being in an accident is not being able to help them. So Progressive is here to help when you can't. So get peace of mind knowing your loved ones are protected with Progressive's Accident Response. Learn more at progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Limited availability in California. Driver is responsible for emergency and towing charges not covered by the policy. Coverage subject to policy terms and conditions.

• 18:36Speaker 03

  Your sausage McMuffin with egg didn't change, your receipt did. The sausage McMuffin with egg extra value meal includes a hash brown and a small coffee for just $5. Only at McDonald's for a limited time. Price and participation may vary. Promotion pricing may be lower than meal pricing.

• 18:54Speaker 04

  Let's talk about Man City being rubbish.

• 18:58Speaker 03

  This has come about, I know, with three league defeats in a row.

• 19:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:01Speaker 03

  So like the title race really now, obviously Arsenal haven't won it, but they look very strong. Man City, my theory is they had a bit of a united front against all the negativity. Where they're like, yeah, F you guys, we're going to get our bananas out. Oh, make a joke out of it. Yeah. And all that. And then all of a sudden, like basically they've actually had proper conversations with their agents, the management team and endorsements and all that. And the realisation of, hang on, if we actually, if we actually get relegated, yeah, this is awful. And then all trying to work out.

• 19:31Speaker 04

  And they've also gone, oh God, it doesn't really matter, does it now? Because we've proven our point by beating Liverpool or whatever they did.

• 19:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:38Speaker 04

  And now we're going to have to play a season where we're probably going to go down anyway. Do you know what I mean?

• 19:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, even if we win all the games, we're not going to get the title.

• 19:46Speaker 04

  Yeah. And it's not like, it must just be so demoralising. That's what's happened, surely.

• 19:52Speaker 03

  I blame Haaland's hair.

• 19:55Speaker 03

  What's that old fable about the hair?

• 19:58Speaker 04

  Um, yeah, I know who you mean.

• 20:00Speaker 05

  Samson.

• 20:01Speaker 03

  Samsung.

• 20:02Speaker 04

  Kenny Samson.

• 20:03Speaker 03

  Samsung TV. Named after the great tale of the long hair.

• 20:11Speaker 04

  The tale of Samsung.

• 20:13Speaker 03

  I'm going to go home tonight and watch on my Samsung.

• 20:18Speaker 03

  A bit of Shabber FC. But yeah, they're probably shit and Mariska just.

• 20:23Speaker 04

  Fun, isn't it?

• 20:24Speaker 03

  That's fun. Tottenham being good, is it a false dawn or were Leeds good?

• 20:28Speaker 04

  I quite enjoyed Tottenham being good.

• 20:30Speaker 03

  I didn't really. I quite enjoyed them being shit, but.

• 20:33Speaker 04

  I did enjoy them being shit, but I don't know. It felt like something different to talk about. Is, at what point, this is my question on Man U.

• 20:42Speaker 03

  Madison grew his hair, got better until he got injured again.

• 20:46Speaker 04

  Exactly. At what point does Man U being shit stop being? I've, I've been listening to some football podcasts, Rob.

• 20:56Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 20:57Speaker 04

  Where they've gone, oh, to be honest, there's nothing more to say on Man U. It's just the same old thing. It's quite boring now.

• 21:04Speaker 03

  Well, they've said that.

• 21:06Speaker 04

  We've had this for like 10 years. What more can you say?

• 21:09Speaker 03

  Well, they do have to accept that they are shit and they are a mid-table team.

• 21:14Speaker 04

  No, no, but I don't know whether I'm ever going to get bored of it.

• 21:17Speaker 03

  No, I think it's because they are a mid-table team now. Essentially, and I know they did well last year, but that's because they didn't like that mid, not mid-table's too harsh, but they're like that Newcastle team where, you know, they might have a good couple of years, but then they, they can't compete in loads of competitions.

• 21:34Speaker 04

  They've spent as much money as, I think the only people that have spent more than them in the last whatever decade or whatever is Man City. So it's not that they haven't got the money. It's that they're just spending it really, really, really badly.

• 21:48Speaker 03

  Well, they've got no defenders. I mean, again, we don't want to sound like they're a podcast, but we have said that quite a lot. They didn't spend any money on the defenders.

• 21:55Speaker 04

  They've made this wild decision to just buy one position each summer. Which blows my mind.

• 22:05Speaker 03

  Well, they bought loads of midfielders this year, wouldn't they?

• 22:08Speaker 04

  Yeah. And they bought all the attackers the year before. The year before they bought Sesko and Buema and Kounia.

• 22:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:14Speaker 04

  And then they bought four midfielders this summer. And then they're going to, I just don't think that's a system that I've ever seen in a football team before. Where you go, I'm just going to rebuy the midfield this summer and the next year.

• 22:28Speaker 03

  If we were on the TV, they'd cut to a picture of Wilcox in the crowd.

• 22:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:33Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, no, I just think they are just that sort of seventh, eighth in the league team, but I've not accepted it.

• 22:38Speaker 04

  I do feel a bit sorry for Jason Wilcox for the simple reason that I don't understand how he's become so famous.

• 22:46Speaker 03

  What, where was he before? I feel, I feel bad to pylon on Jason Wilcox.

• 22:50Speaker 04

  No, neither do I. Like, I mean, other teams are bad.

• 22:53Speaker 03

  Because it can't all be his fault.

• 22:55Speaker 04

  Like.

• 22:56Speaker 03

  He looks sad as well. He looks sad.

• 22:58Speaker 04

  And when Tottenham are bad, they're never cutting to the, the person who's doing the transfers. Or when, like, Liverpool were bad. When Liverpool bought all those rubbish players for millions and millions of pounds last summer, no one was cutting to Richard Hughes every week.

• 23:15Speaker 03

  No.

• 23:15Speaker 04

  Who's the guy who did it? So why is Jason Wilcox, what is this star value that Jason Wilcox has got that means he's become the story?

• 23:24Speaker 03

  According to Wikipedia, on the January 23.

• 23:28Speaker 04

  He was at Southampton or something.

• 23:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was director of football at Southampton. And since then they've been fined for spying on the other teams and not being promoted.

• 23:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:37Speaker 03

  So then you go, I tell you what, come to Man United. A year later. So he came to Man United a year later. What did he do in that year?

• 23:46Speaker 04

  He came to Man U and then they sacked the guy that was above him, didn't they, Michael? So he kind of got, he got.

• 23:51Speaker 03

  So he was at a lower level and then Dan Ashworth left. He got promoted.

• 23:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:56Speaker 03

  Right.

• 23:56Speaker 04

  In the second that he left.

• 23:58Speaker 03

  Oh God, hold up, hold up, hold up. We need to ease off Wilcox. He's a black belt in judo.

• 24:08Speaker 03

  Represented England before he became a footballer. And at the age of 17, fully committed himself to football.

• 24:13Speaker 05

  I don't think at 17, does, does it carry over? Is he still a black belt now in his 50s?

• 24:18Speaker 03

  I think once you're a black belt, you're never not a black belt, you know? It's the same, you know, the same if you've done anal. If you don't do it now, doesn't mean you never did it.

• 24:29Speaker 03

  Is that a good analogy?

• 24:32Speaker 04

  I can't, we're back onto the analogy from earlier, but here we go.

• 24:35Speaker 03

  Whoa, whoa.

• 24:39Speaker 03

  Stop it.

• 24:43Speaker 03

  Don't talk about my wife's Bobby Charlton like that.

• 24:47Speaker 04

  So Michael, is he going to go tomorrow? Will he have gone by the time this podcast has gone out?

• 24:51Speaker 05

  No, but he's definitely gone.

• 24:53Speaker 03

  I don't think he goes. I think they give him the international break like De Zerbi got to turn things around. That was a very good reaction from the, the squad haven't given up on Carrick because they wouldn't have reacted like that.

• 25:05Speaker 05

  He's had, he's had one international break where he should have been sacked already. Like we, things we haven't talked about.

• 25:11Speaker 03

  I think he deserves another chance.

• 25:13Speaker 05

  Fernandez, his captain came out and criticised him, got dropped, we lost the game. His captain came back. This is how much has happened in the soap opera of Manchester United since we recorded last.

• 25:22Speaker 03

  Right, okay, yeah, because we've missed a few weeks.

• 25:24Speaker 04

  He's dropped him for footballing reasons. Grow a pair and say why you've dropped him.

• 25:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, I've dropped him because of his attitude. It stinks.

• 25:30Speaker 04

  That's what I'd say. Well, it isn't. I'd keep playing him because I'm weak.

• 25:36Speaker 03

  He's a great guy, great guy, you know, you know, everyone has different opinions. You'd be the worst football manager ever. They'd let you walk, walk off the pitch and slap you around the face.

• 25:45Speaker 04

  You know how I punish Fernandez. I'd say he's got to be the one that lies behind the wall for one game.

• 25:52Speaker 03

  Get on your, get on your body, get on your belly.

• 25:56Speaker 04

  The ultimate humiliation.

• 25:58Speaker 03

  What's your kit by, what's your kit by the way?

• 26:01Speaker 04

  It's the one we got relegated in in 1994.

• 26:03Speaker 03

  Plymouth, okay. I'm wearing Boca Juniors because I went to Argentina for football. I feel we need to save that for a separate episode.

• 26:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, we do. Not one where we haven't got as much to talk about.

• 26:12Speaker 03

  Let's save that for when we've got another international break, one where I can talk, because I want to talk about it in depth. Because I think all football fans should go at some point in their life if they can. And I'll explain the best ways to do it. But for the time being, hasn't De Zerbi done well?

• 26:29Speaker 04

  So Rob, do you want to set up a WhatsApp group? There's me, you and Bill.

• 26:33Speaker 03

  Oh, yes.

• 26:34Speaker 04

  And while you do that, I'll ask Michael, um, what he thinks about Job Bellingham being in the England squad, which I just couldn't believe.

• 26:44Speaker 04

  I, I didn't know Joe Bellingham played for Borussia Dortmund. I was, do you think he's just called him up because he's Job Bellingham?

• 26:51Speaker 05

  I think he's been playing quite well, but I, there is an element of.

• 26:57Speaker 03

  The German bias?

• 26:59Speaker 05

  Your brother's a superstar. So, you know, it's the Phil Neville, Gary Neville.

• 27:03Speaker 04

  Do you think Phil Neville was a bit of a?

• 27:06Speaker 03

  I mean, I'd be livid if you're saying Gary Neville's a superstar, so he had to be a Phil.

• 27:14Speaker 05

  I mean, it's the best right back of our generation.

• 27:17Speaker 03

  Is he though?

• 27:18Speaker 04

  Was he?

• 27:19Speaker 03

  I think, I think his media and business career has taken away from how good he was as a player.

• 27:26Speaker 05

  He was first choice for the best era of Manchester United in the club's history.

• 27:30Speaker 03

  Who else was there? Danny Mills.

• 27:32Speaker 05

  And for England. Yeah, but you can only go up against who you're up against.

• 27:35Speaker 03

  Name another right back, name another, he's not as good as Ashley Cole.

• 27:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, but Ashley Cole's a left back, so.

• 27:41Speaker 03

  Oh, leave it out. Sorry, each side's a side, isn't it, mate? But what I'm saying is.

• 27:48Speaker 03

  You know, that's sad, they're side to side, isn't it, mate?

• 27:51Speaker 04

  What would happen to Gary Neville today though, Michael?

• 27:53Speaker 03

  Oh, he'd get absolutely rinsed.

• 27:56Speaker 04

  His, his position doesn't really exist anymore, does it?

• 27:59Speaker 05

  No, it does. He was a really good crosser of the ball. He's a, he was a much better player than people gave him credit for.

• 28:04Speaker 03

  Oh, misty eyed nostalgia coming straight.

• 28:07Speaker 05

  He's better than Lee Dixon.

• 28:09Speaker 04

  Who do you want as manager, Michael?

• 28:11Speaker 05

  I mean, who do I want and who's realistic?

• 28:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. You can't choose Bobby Charlton.

• 28:19Speaker 05

  Of the available managers, I'd like Antonio Conte because I think.

• 28:22Speaker 04

  You're not getting him though, are you?

• 28:23Speaker 05

  Well, I don't, I think he realises how much of a poisoned challenge that job is. And he's been burnt by the Premier League before. Out of the others, I don't really know. It's sort of, you know, Eddie Howe, is Eddie Howe the, the answer to any question? The answer is no. I got a lot of flak from Newcastle fans.

• 28:38Speaker 04

  Eddie Howe is a question, isn't it? Eddie Howe.

• 28:42Speaker 03

  There you go.

• 28:43Speaker 04

  Welcome to Radio 4.

• 28:45Speaker 03

  Welcome to the sideways view of footy. Eddie Howe.

• 28:51Speaker 04

  Eddie Howe.

• 28:52Speaker 03

  And it's a bit like the band The Who, isn't it? What's the name, The Who, The Who? And then we close the show when we do the Who song all in Eddie Howe masks. And it's called The Howe.

• 29:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:04Speaker 03

  My Generation and then Michael dresses up as Gary Neville saying how good he was. Then Shabba Ranks comes out in a Shabba FC top and we will have a big old callback laugh. That's TV.

• 29:15Speaker 04

  That's TV.

• 29:16Speaker 03

  But on this, we won't do that.

• 29:18Speaker 04

  No, we haven't got the money. Oh, it's just so fun, isn't it? Football at the moment, even though the title race is over. I saw Florian Wirtz scored today.

• 29:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, is he getting better? I think he's getting better, Josh. I think Liverpool turned a corner and he's getting better. But yeah, we did say, is he shit? No, maybe he's all right. What else happened? What else happened? Man City are crap. That's just, I think they've just given up.

• 29:41Speaker 04

  Plymouth beat Alverston 4-0 in the FA Cup.

• 29:44Speaker 03

  Oh, nice.

• 29:45Speaker 04

  Did you see Robbie Savage's son scored against his team?

• 29:48Speaker 03

  That was good fun, wasn't it?

• 29:49Speaker 04

  That was good fun.

• 29:50Speaker 03

  Bromley sacked their manager.

• 29:51Speaker 04

  Oh, no.

• 29:52Speaker 03

  And then had to get a new Carl Robinson in. That's gone on since we last recorded.

• 29:56Speaker 04

  But this is the thing, right?

• 29:58Speaker 03

  Go on, what's this thing?

• 29:59Speaker 04

  Bromley can sack their manager.

• 30:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:01Speaker 04

  It's like Man U. Why haven't Man U ever got?

• 30:03Speaker 03

  Andy Woodman's available.

• 30:07Speaker 03

  Get him in. He used to be at Newcastle as a goalkeeping coach.

• 30:09Speaker 04

  I'd hate to come back to Man U again. Every other team seems to have this.

• 30:14Speaker 03

  This podcast is who's been shit this week with Rob and Josh.

• 30:19Speaker 04

  Right.

• 30:20Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 30:20Speaker 04

  Every time, every other team has this ability to, if they sack their manager, put in a caretaker. But it's like no one's told Man U you're allowed to do that. So if they sack someone.

• 30:33Speaker 03

  I forgot that Ralph Ragnick was there for a bit.

• 30:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, no, this is what I mean. So if they sack someone, they always think you have to bring in someone else as a caretaker. Bring in Michael Carrick.

• 30:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:43Speaker 04

  Or bring in Ralph Ragnick.

• 30:44Speaker 03

  Why don't you just get rid of Carrick?

• 30:45Speaker 04

  Get rid of Carrick and there'll be someone else there.

• 30:47Speaker 03

  Who's that little bald fellow that used to work with Southgate? He's there, get him in.

• 30:51Speaker 04

  Is Terry Fielem there? Terry Fielem's always.

• 30:53Speaker 03

  You're gonna have to, you need a software update.

• 30:55Speaker 05

  Steve Holland.

• 30:57Speaker 03

  Terry Fielem.

• 31:02Speaker 03

  Is Brian Kidd still there?

• 31:05Speaker 03

  I saw him knee slide last week after they won.

• 31:10Speaker 03

  Giving it full beans in the pump action. Get Brian Kidd in.

• 31:14Speaker 04

  Oh, come on, Rob. You know what they say, you can't win anything with Brian Kidd. Am I right? Can't win anything with kids.

• 31:21Speaker 03

  Oh, right. Okay, yeah. Welcome to the sideways look.

• 31:24Speaker 04

  That's how racing and football.

• 31:27Speaker 03

  I like the show, yeah. Rob's a bit, you know, straight on the nose, but I like Josh's little sideways bits.

• 31:32Speaker 04

  He does the odd unworkable pun.

• 31:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's a Didier Deschamps of the podcast world.

• 31:42Speaker 01

  Shop Black Friday appliance savings and get up to an extra $1,250 off select appliance purchases like GE Profile. Plus free delivery on appliance purchases of $398 or more. Make life easier with the fridge that doubles as your personal kitchen assistant. Or upgrade your laundry room with the Ultra Fresh Vent System Plus Front Load Washer. So your clothes stay fresh after every single wash. Shop Black Friday appliance savings with fast free delivery at The Home Depot. Offer valid November 4th through December 2nd at participating stores and at homedepot.com. US only, see store online for details.

• 32:13Speaker 02

  Life is all about making decisions. Sometimes you make questionable ones, like buying a new TV that's too big for the wall because the electronics store employee was a little too good at their job. Then sometimes you make great ones, like protecting your home and auto with Progressive. You get customized coverage options so you can be sure you have the right coverage. Get your quote today at progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company affiliates and other insurers, not available in all states.

• 32:43Speaker 03

  When the holidays start to feel a bit repetitive, reach for a Sprite Winter Spiced Cranberry and put your twist on tradition. A bold cranberry and winter spice flavour fusion? Sprite Winter Spiced Cranberry is a refreshing way to shake things up this sipping season. And only for a limited time. Sprite, obey your thirst.

• 33:06Speaker 01

  Shop Black Friday appliance savings and get up to an extra $1,250 off select appliance purchases like GE Profile. Plus free delivery on appliance purchases of $398 or more. Make life easier with the fridge that doubles as your personal kitchen assistant. Or upgrade your laundry room with the Ultra Fresh Vent System Plus Front Load Washer. So your clothes stay fresh after every single wash. Shop Black Friday appliance savings with fast free delivery at The Home Depot. Offer valid November 4th through December 2nd at participating stores and at homedepot.com. US only, see store online for details.

• 33:40Speaker 03

  Shall we try and ring Bill about Tottenham and see if he answers?

• 33:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:43Speaker 05

  Couple of topics for if he doesn't answer or for after.

• 33:45Speaker 04

  Oh, the team that got 52 players sent off.

• 33:48Speaker 05

  53 players or 53 members of the club sent off.

• 33:51Speaker 04

  You've got to talk about that.

• 33:52Speaker 05

  Cristiano Ronaldo retired from international duty this week.

• 33:54Speaker 03

  Perfect. Oh, I've got a little shit for us. Number 38, he plays for San Lorenzo in Argentina.

• 34:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:02Speaker 03

  Is a proper little shit.

• 34:04Speaker 04

  Oh, did you see him play live?

• 34:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's almost, mate, all they do in South America football is kick the shit out of each other and it's absolutely amazing. His name's Fakundo Farias. He's just got that Argentinian midfield little shit face.

• 34:17Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 34:17Speaker 03

  He just booted the shit out of everyone.

• 34:19Speaker 04

  How tall is he?

• 34:20Speaker 03

  Neck tattoo, five foot six, little nutcase.

• 34:24Speaker 03

  Right, we need to talk about Ronaldo quitting and what else do we need to talk about? Bill was not gonna answer.

• 34:28Speaker 04

  No.

• 34:29Speaker 03

  He said, you know, he said, why didn't you ring me when they won? I'm like, well, there's nothing I can fucking do about it, mate.

• 34:34Speaker 04

  No.

• 34:35Speaker 03

  That's, that's life.

• 34:37Speaker 04

  So Ronaldo retiring from international duty is fun?

• 34:41Speaker 03

  Yes. So why is it, what's he, I missed this. He just basically said, I've had enough.

• 34:45Speaker 04

  They fined him, didn't they? They fined him. Was it £200?

• 34:49Speaker 03

  Was it? No, it's got to be more than £200.

• 34:51Speaker 04

  I think it was £200.

• 34:53Speaker 03

  No, was it £200? Michael, was it £200?

• 34:57Speaker 05

  A £215 fine and a 30 day suspension.

• 35:00Speaker 04

  Bear in mind, they haven't got any games in those 30 days because they're an international team.

• 35:04Speaker 03

  Get if you stole like, like a sandwich from Sainsbury's or something.

• 35:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:09Speaker 03

  Okay, so he's gone. I mean, he is a real something.

• 35:15Speaker 04

  He's a weird man. I'm not, I'm gonna stick my neck out. He's an odd bloke.

• 35:21Speaker 03

  Strange little fella, strange big fella.

• 35:23Speaker 04

  Strange big fella. Is it worth being that good at football if you have to be that weird?

• 35:29Speaker 03

  Well, this is the age old question we spoke about before where like, it's in golf, same as in golf. I always look at Shane Lowry, right?

• 35:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:37Speaker 03

  Who like is famous and known and one load. He's like Rory McIlroy's mate. And Rory McIlroy's probably earned like 300 million in his career or something, or 400 million and is everywhere, every news art, every press. Shane Lowry gets to float around the world playing golf, winning stuff, getting like the biggest putts in like the Ryder Cup, still earning about 80 million. And he can float along. Surely that's a better life. Surely that's the better level to be, which is still an incredibly high level. But not that Tiger Woods, McIlroy, Michael Jordan, Ronaldo, Messi, that level. But Messi seems quite chilled.

• 36:11Speaker 04

  I'd rather be you than Ramesh.

• 36:15Speaker 03

  And do you know what? I'd rather be me than Ramesh and I love Ramesh.

• 36:22Speaker 03

  But he's not, it's just not worth that extra level of.

• 36:25Speaker 04

  Worth it. The sheer bizarre ego it takes to be the best is not worth it. That was just a weird thing. There's this game, have you seen this game where, Michael, give us the details of the amount of people that got sent off?

• 36:40Speaker 05

  So 53 people got sent off in a Brazilian youth game.

• 36:46Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 36:47Speaker 05

  It turned into some kind of like mass brawl and riot where all the members of the staff and everyone piled in and got involved. And the referee ended up sending off 53 different people.

• 36:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, but that's more than there are, that's more than there are players, isn't it?

• 37:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, I believe most squads are 25 people each, so he's had to send off, I don't think he's sent off the entire squad. I think coaches, managers, physios, kit people have got involved.

• 37:10Speaker 04

  What would be the ultimate indignity?

• 37:11Speaker 03

  What have you got to do as a kit man to get sent off? Or woman, kit woman?

• 37:15Speaker 04

  The ultimate indignity, Rob, would be.

• 37:18Speaker 03

  Let me have a look at this.

• 37:19Speaker 04

  If the referee sent off Jason Wilcox.

• 37:22Speaker 03

  He'd run up to the side and you.

• 37:25Speaker 04

  You've been shit.

• 37:27Speaker 03

  And you, where's those glory years when you did nine months at Southampton?

• 37:33Speaker 03

  I've got it, you sent it on air, haven't you there?

• 37:35Speaker 04

  Absolutely wild.

• 37:36Speaker 03

  Oh no, it's a world record of 43 players, eight members of staff and two board members. So the suits have come down.

• 37:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:44Speaker 03

  Oh, you said as well that Jason Wilcox looks like the guy from Beetlejuice because he keeps sinking into his coat.

• 37:48Speaker 04

  53 records, so.

• 37:51Speaker 03

  Do you think people like with Wilcox, obviously because he's been shown, he's getting, he's become super famous in the last few months.

• 37:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:59Speaker 03

  Do you think his pals are giving him banter about being on the screen and he's laughing about it? Or is it something Noah mentions?

• 38:05Speaker 04

  When it cut to him, he's always just staring dead ahead. I don't know whether he's computed this himself or he's had the chat with someone. He has to act at all times like he's on camera because he doesn't know when they're gonna come to him.

• 38:19Speaker 03

  Imagine being invited to the football by Jason Wilcox. I go, oh, let me just check with the wife, Jay, put the phone down. Jason's invited me, but I know there are gonna be good seats, but there are precious seats.

• 38:32Speaker 03

  You know that millions of, you're gonna, you're gonna be everywhere.

• 38:38Speaker 03

  Don't wanna say no to him, you know what it's like with judo.

• 38:45Speaker 04

  I don't, I don't know which bit of the stand he's in, but it's always cold from what I can tell.

• 38:49Speaker 03

  He's, he's got the coldest neck in football. Honestly. He gets down, he looks like, he looks like a snake taking down a lamb.

• 38:57Speaker 04

  Wonder all the other fans wearing scarves, it looks free, isn't it?

• 39:01Speaker 03

  Give him one of them yellow and green scarves. He's cold. Oh dear.

• 39:09Speaker 03

  What other results we've missed or anything?

• 39:11Speaker 04

  Well, how are you feeling about another international break? I'm seeing.

• 39:14Speaker 03

  Oh my God.

• 39:17Speaker 03

  I've actually forgot that was happening.

• 39:18Speaker 04

  It's infuriating.

• 39:20Speaker 03

  I love the England national team, I love them at the Euros, love them at the World Cup. I'm struggling. What is it even for? These games.

• 39:29Speaker 04

  It's for nothing. It's absolutely not.

• 39:31Speaker 03

  When's the first one? Wednesday?

• 39:33Speaker 04

  Oh, it can't be, can it?

• 39:34Speaker 03

  No, Thursday. England have got Croatia again. Brilliant.

• 39:39Speaker 03

  I swear we play Croatia three times a year for the last 10 years. And every time Modric is there.

• 39:45Speaker 04

  It's absolutely, can't be playing Croatia again. Are we playing Croatia?

• 39:50Speaker 03

  Do you know what Modric looks like? A really young, a really old woman that looks young that works in a laundry.

• 40:02Speaker 03

  Italy playing France, do we care about that?

• 40:04Speaker 04

  No. I just, I don't care about any of them until it's the tournament. Because there's so many people in the tournament, it's not even perilous to qualify.

• 40:13Speaker 03

  No, so, so how long is this break?

• 40:14Speaker 04

  We're just doing the Nations League at the moment, who cares?

• 40:17Speaker 03

  So how long we, how long we got till real football?

• 40:19Speaker 05

  21st of November.

• 40:20Speaker 03

  Fuck you.

• 40:25Speaker 03

  Can't, you've got that wrong. Oh my God. Man City for them. Oh, Spurs at home to Ipswich.

• 40:33Speaker 04

  Why are they so obsessed?

• 40:34Speaker 03

  Away to Liverpool. Yeah, but Michael, no manager's gonna take Man United's job if they've got away to Liverpool as the first game.

• 40:41Speaker 04

  Oh, I've never been more sure in my life of any result than Man U winning away to Liverpool. In the, in the ultimate false dawn. That, that's, of course they're going to win away to Liverpool.

• 40:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, I, I think you're right. I don't think, and a new manager's not taking the job for that, but Michael Carrick doesn't have his job. What's gonna happen is Carrick's getting sacked, an interim caretaker manager comes in, wins that game, and then they go, let's just stick with him for the rest of the season. And before you know it, fucking Dennis Irwin and Paul Parker are running the football club.

• 41:13Speaker 04

  Don't shit on Paul Parker, he did us a voice note two weeks ago.

• 41:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's a legend. Also, the excitement I've got for Man United away at Liverpool is basically like me at 22 getting off with Kelly Brook. Right, that is, that's how excited I'm for that. The thought of England playing Croatia on Thursday, I'm as excited about as I was getting off with my own mum.

• 41:37Speaker 03

  It's just not, I want that. I want Liverpool, Man United, Carrick, Wilcox, the cop, please. Wilcops, Wilcock, Wilcop. That's a good pun, isn't it, for the paper?

• 41:49Speaker 04

  Sideways look, sideways look.

• 41:51Speaker 03

  Sorry, I've got, I don't want to tread on your toes, but from a, I don't want to crab in here with my sideways.

• 42:01Speaker 03

  Sorry Josh, stepping on your toes with all my sideways stuff.

• 42:06Speaker 03

  You could do some jokes about Lou's arse in stadiums if you want. Swap around.

• 42:11Speaker 04

  Weakest puns in the history of football in one episode.

• 42:15Speaker 03

  Will cop sit? Will cop, Jason, will cop sit? Will cop it? No, it don't work, does it? Nah, forget it. That's why I'm not a scribe.

• 42:24Speaker 04

  No, of course, but do you know what?

• 42:28Speaker 04

  Headline writing's losses, it's comedy podcasting's gain.

• 42:31Speaker 03

  Oh, absolutely, yeah.

• 42:32Speaker 04

  Shall we try Bill one more time?

• 42:34Speaker 03

  Right. This podcast needs Bill.

• 42:38Speaker 03

  He's a, he's a real engine. He's not having it, he don't want to talk about him. I think he's getting too famous.

• 42:42Speaker 04

  Oh, he's called it, oh no, that's you.

• 42:51Speaker 03

  He's done, I'll stop, I'll stop it. Well, we'll try, we'll try next time. He's, he's, it's because we're not doing it on a Monday, he's normally can do it on a Monday morning with his kids.

• 42:59Speaker 04

  I hope he's got some views in England, be Croatia next week.

• 43:02Speaker 03

  Well, we can, we can still have a catch up with him about Tottenham and their, you know, are Tottenham back?

• 43:06Speaker 04

  I think Tottenham are back, and by that I mean they're going to finish mid-table where they always finish.

• 43:13Speaker 03

  Hey. Don't at me.

• 43:17Speaker 04

  Don't at me. Well, do at me.

• 43:18Speaker 03

  And then we do an parenting hell one.

• 43:20Speaker 04

  Well, shall we finish this? Shall we finish this?

• 43:22Speaker 05

  Wrap this up in a.

• 43:23Speaker 03

  Oh, sorry, haven't we finished?

• 43:27Speaker 03

  Sorry, I thought we were done. I thought there was gonna be a big song at the end or something, you banging, you know, because we've got, we've still got to perform as the how.

• 43:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're doing, we, we will.

• 43:37Speaker 03

  So how, like, let's actually break this down.

• 43:39Speaker 04

  We will rock you, but to we will cops you.

• 43:43Speaker 03

  We will, we will cop you, cop you. Jason, we will cop you. Cop, that'll be good. And then you come out as Eddie Howe in the house, and then the big question mark, how?

• 43:56Speaker 04

  How?

• 43:57Speaker 03

  Talking about my generation, and then loads of old Manchester United players come out, and then Eddie Howe comes in and fly kicks them all, and then signs Joel Inman.

• 44:08Speaker 04

  And then it ends, Jason Wilcox coming in and throwing you over his shoulder.

• 44:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, but he basically, but as, as this is all planned, Wilcox is slipping through his coat until it's just a coat. Then he turns around and then behind us on stage, he gives us a judo throw. And then that's the end of the show.

• 44:23Speaker 04

  Just to finish on a theory on Jason Wilcox, I'm so sorry, Jason, we shouldn't be talking, it's not all just about you. Is he just slowly gonna disappear? You know, like?

• 44:33Speaker 03

  When uncles do that, going down an elevator, you know, in a restaurant thing, behind a wall.

• 44:40Speaker 03

  Just a bit of mime for the, for the kids and the nephews, nieces. Oh, he's going down again. I just think you need to sit up straight.

• 44:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:49Speaker 03

  And I, I slouch down, but when you're on camera like that, but then you can't have a rod up his arse like he's Anton de Bec, can he? Like pure core. He must have a good core, he does judo and the pace of the wing for Blackburn.

• 45:00Speaker 04

  He hasn't been doing ballroom dancing for 40 years, that's what.

• 45:03Speaker 03

  Oh, he's unbelievable, his posture.

• 45:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, right.

• 45:07Speaker 03

  I see, like a sack of fucking spuds.

• 45:10Speaker 04

  Oh, well.

• 45:12Speaker 03

  Anyway, see you next week, guys.

• 45:13Speaker 04

  See you next week.

• 45:13Speaker 03

  We'll be discussing nation, maybe what I'll do is if this, I'll talk about my Boca Juniors River Plate Super Class trip. Yeah, sneeze if you want. Right, see you next week, guys.

• 46:08Speaker 02

  Progressive's Accident Response can contact emergency services if you're in a major accident. The only thing worse than someone you love being in an accident is not being able to help them. So Progressive is here to help when you can't. So get peace of mind knowing your loved ones are protected with Progressive's Accident Response. Learn more at progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Limited availability in California. Driver is responsible for emergency and towing charges not covered by the policy. Coverage subject to policy, terms and conditions.