⚽ Is Pep Guardiola actually a bad manager? ⚽

The endless internatioanl break rumbles on... England smash Croatia 7-0 but honestly, does anyone really care? And elsewhere we discuss whether Pep Guardiola is actually a goodd manager in light of the rampant cheating? Enjoy! If you want to get in touch with the show you can; Email us: [email protected] And follow us on Instagram and Tiktok: @footballinghell FPL team -⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ join the Footballing / Parenting Hell mini league ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ LEAGUE CODE: 1a5fc7 Leave us a 5* review and subscribe to the podcast please. You know the score by now. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Footballing Hell ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Monday (don't worry - it's business as usual on Tuesday and Friday with the usual Parenting Hell episodes) A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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• 2:11Speaker 03

  Hello, you're listening to Football in Hell with?

• 2:14Speaker 04

  We haven't got one.

• 2:15Speaker 03

  Yeah. Rob Beckett and Josh Woodham. How's it going, Josh?

• 2:17Speaker 04

  Come on, guys, come on. We've got them coming in though, haven't we?

• 2:20Speaker 03

  We've got them coming out of our fucking ear holes, mate. Everyone's just been busy, haven't they? You're in the Nations League to send them back.

• 2:27Speaker 04

  Of course, of course.

• 2:29Speaker 03

  Josh, I am at the end of my tether.

• 2:32Speaker 04

  With the international break.

• 2:34Speaker 03

  It's an absolute.

• 2:35Speaker 04

  Talk about Rob.

• 2:36Speaker 03

  Sham. Talk about the word sham. I can't believe it's still going on at this moment in time now. It's Monday, the 5th of October. There's fuck all until Saturday and it's a piss take. It's three weeks. It's fucking insane. Everyone hates it. It's not even a money reason. All the best money comes through the top leagues anyway. No one gives a fuck about. I watched England play Croatia in front of 7,000 schoolchildren for a reason I still don't understand. It was like watching football. We played in front of Zippo's fucking circus. Fuck it off. Let's get back to the Premier League now.

• 3:12Speaker 04

  It feels like you might have been listening also to too many hours of Cundy and O'Hara.

• 3:17Speaker 03

  No, not at all. I've not, I've got, there's nothing for them to talk about. Nothing's happened.

• 3:21Speaker 04

  That's not stopped them before.

• 3:22Speaker 03

  This morning on Talksport, Ally McCoist was talking about the winner of a rally driving race in Sardinia. Now, if that doesn't tell you, no one cares about international football. Nothing will. It's a fucking disgrace and it has to stop, but I need a moralistic reason for this. Basically, the smaller nations can't compete with the bigger nations because their squads aren't big enough, so they suffer over three weeks. That's my moral reason. Now let's just fucking scrap it.

• 3:48Speaker 04

  I don't think that's good enough.

• 3:49Speaker 03

  Craig Bellamy said it.

• 3:51Speaker 04

  Did he?

• 3:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, about Wales, because they keep losing. I think he's saying his squad's not big enough. It's not fair.

• 3:57Speaker 04

  But that's how it works.

• 3:58Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, exactly. If you're a small nation, it's formation, either join the UK.

• 4:02Speaker 04

  That's the absolute romance of international football.

• 4:05Speaker 03

  Here's an idea for you Wales, just join England. I know you don't want to, but you might mark bigger chance in tournaments. Just saying it.

• 4:11Speaker 04

  I don't think it would make any difference, would it?

• 4:13Speaker 03

  And that's a double slam to Wales, actually.

• 4:19Speaker 04

  The talk of the United Great Britain team's already gone downhill since Gareth Bale's career ended.

• 4:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, that was, that really got talked up for the world, for the Olympics, didn't it?

• 4:29Speaker 04

  I don't think anyone wants a group for Great Britain team.

• 4:34Speaker 03

  No, I don't.

• 4:35Speaker 04

  I actually, I don't know what Craig Bellamy said, but it's not a bad time to be a small nation because the tournaments are getting bigger and bigger. The opportunities are getting.

• 4:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:45Speaker 04

  Bigger and bigger to look at Kate Verdi and Wayne, what's he called? Um, Craig.

• 4:50Speaker 03

  Craig, Craig, Wayne Bellamy.

• 4:53Speaker 04

  Wayne Bellamy.

• 4:54Speaker 03

  Do you want me to go through the Wales lineup to see who you want in the England team?

• 4:57Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 4:58Speaker 03

  We've got Ward in goal.

• 4:59Speaker 04

  Okay, who's he?

• 5:01Speaker 03

  Nah, I don't know. Uh, Ben Davis, I think he plays for Tottenham.

• 5:04Speaker 04

  I was actually at a 50th birthday party with Ben Davis a few months ago.

• 5:07Speaker 03

  Was you?

• 5:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, that was it.

• 5:10Speaker 03

  All right, okay. Well, that's, that's spoken. Um, Kabango.

• 5:13Speaker 04

  You're not interested in Ben Davis, I mean, Ben Davis hasn't got any more.

• 5:15Speaker 03

  Honestly, no, but let's try.

• 5:18Speaker 04

  Didn't speak to him.

• 5:20Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 5:21Speaker 04

  I saw Mark Noble on Saturday. Not Mark Noble, fucking hell, Jared Bowen.

• 5:28Speaker 03

  They do have a similar head.

• 5:29Speaker 04

  They do, don't they? And they've got a similar life.

• 5:32Speaker 03

  West Ham through and through.

• 5:33Speaker 04

  West Ham through and through, kind of fringes of England, but never quite made it their own.

• 5:39Speaker 03

  Bowen might, might go, might leave West Ham.

• 5:42Speaker 04

  Why would he do that now?

• 5:44Speaker 03

  Well, he's 29, I reckon.

• 5:46Speaker 04

  He'd have done it in the summer.

• 5:47Speaker 03

  Well, it depends how long his contract is, but really, I feel like he could have got one big move in the summer, couldn't he?

• 5:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, but he stayed. So now you're like, well, I could just be a club legend now.

• 5:55Speaker 03

  He's played for Hereford, Hull, West Ham.

• 5:57Speaker 04

  Well, this is what we need to discuss, Rob.

• 6:00Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 6:01Speaker 04

  If you're a Man City player.

• 6:03Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 6:04Speaker 04

  Are you angling for a move?

• 6:05Speaker 03

  Um.

• 6:06Speaker 04

  Do you think Elliot Anderson's going, you've got to be fucking kidding me?

• 6:10Speaker 03

  No, because I think he's thought, I'm getting paid so much money. And really, I think new players won't sign for them, but the ones that are already there know that, look, they've already been told, look, they're going to repeal it. It's going to take two, three years. By the time the appeal's done, you'd probably be on the move anyway and you'd have won a free job. You can move then.

• 6:29Speaker 04

  Right, right.

• 6:30Speaker 03

  That's why they recruited, I think, so much in case there's a transfer ban. But you're not joining now, are you?

• 6:35Speaker 04

  Well, no, of course I'm not joining now. Well, maybe if I'm a good championship player, I think this is a great way to get a championship medal.

• 6:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, of course, but if you're a top international player, you're not going Man City.

• 6:47Speaker 04

  No. Can I say, Rob?

• 6:49Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 6:50Speaker 04

  I can't consume enough information about the Manchester City story.

• 6:55Speaker 03

  Well, I can. I'm worried at my limit. I just want the result.

• 6:59Speaker 04

  Oh, I love it.

• 6:59Speaker 03

  I'm bored of like these people that climb out the woodwork as some sort of expert and sat, you know, oh, we're joined now by Billy Killogan, who's the, um, the, the Talksport fraud reporter. I was like, what the fuck's this geezer's job? Like, where, where are they all the time with other football news? Who are these, you know, the, the experts come out?

• 7:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, like football business, business experts.

• 7:21Speaker 03

  I want to hear from Cundy.

• 7:23Speaker 04

  I don't.

• 7:27Speaker 04

  You sent me a clip that thankfully didn't work of Jason Cundy and Jamie O'Hara.

• 7:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, I said, how can you not like this?

• 7:34Speaker 04

  Oh, my word.

• 7:35Speaker 05

  You wouldn't want to run against a pig. I tell you now, right? You ain't quicker than a pig. I reckon I'm quicker than a pig. You're not quicker than a pig. I'm 100% quicker than a pig. But now or when you played? Now. Definitely. Even now, mate, I'm quicker than a pig. Why are you looking at me like I'm not quicker than a pig? You're not quicker than a pig. I'm 100% quicker than a pig. I guarantee you're not quicker than a pig. How much do you want to bet? I'll bet, I'll bet you a bacon sandwich.

• 7:59Speaker 03

  I mean, that's a bit weak, but.

• 8:01Speaker 05

  How, how quick does a pig run? 30 mile an hour. They don't run, that's not true. Is that true?

• 8:05Speaker 03

  Quicker than a pig?

• 8:06Speaker 04

  That's better than their usual fare.

• 8:08Speaker 03

  I, I just thought that was funny.

• 8:11Speaker 04

  That is funny. That, that I'll give them that.

• 8:13Speaker 03

  That's quicker than a pig's funny, isn't it?

• 8:14Speaker 04

  I would say you could add that to your dossier of evidence that says the international break needs to end fast.

• 8:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, like, let's face it, that's not the peak performance of broadcasting, but there's nothing else to talk about. England won 7-0 and no one cares.

• 8:27Speaker 04

  Things I want to talk about, England winning 7-0.

• 8:29Speaker 03

  Let's not do a list, we know this doesn't work.

• 8:31Speaker 04

  Sorry.

• 8:31Speaker 03

  Just fucking relax into it. Feet up and just fucking, just express yourself.

• 8:35Speaker 04

  All right, let's stay on Man City. Let's stay on Man City.

• 8:37Speaker 03

  Okay, what do you want to say about Man City?

• 8:39Speaker 04

  I just think it's the most fun football story that's ever happened in the history of football.

• 8:45Speaker 03

  It's fun, but it's not fun if they get off with it and it feels like they're gonna.

• 8:49Speaker 04

  They're not going to get off with it.

• 8:50Speaker 03

  It's going to the top, it's going to the top of British politics.

• 8:53Speaker 04

  No, but that's not, they're not going to get involved because.

• 8:55Speaker 03

  Of course they will. They're saying it was, the state covered those sponsorships separate from the ownership of the club. So you're essentially accusing the state of Abu Dhabi for fraud. And then basically what you, they, you want to do is if you're Abu Dhabi, say to the British Prime Minister or consulate, we're not going to do that deal anymore with you because of this. So get that to go and we'll do that. That's just how it works.

• 9:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, but I bet you they don't. It would play too badly.

• 9:21Speaker 03

  How will we know this better? I bet you're a bacon sandwich.

• 9:23Speaker 04

  Bet you're a bacon sandwich.

• 9:31Speaker 03

  But they might, I don't know.

• 9:32Speaker 04

  The great thing is, Rob, right? Even if they get off.

• 9:36Speaker 03

  God, I need Tottenham back. Go on.

• 9:39Speaker 04

  Is this not brilliant that even if they get off, everyone knows? Do you know what I mean? It's like, you're basically.

• 9:47Speaker 03

  OJ Simpson.

• 9:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's exactly what I was gonna say. Literally what I was gonna say.

• 9:52Speaker 03

  Really?

• 9:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, marry me.

• 9:55Speaker 03

  I've just got visions of Pep Guardiola being chased down the freeway.

• 10:00Speaker 04

  White Bronco.

• 10:01Speaker 03

  Also, the coincidence that, oh, that just happened to be the year he left.

• 10:04Speaker 04

  His statement was absolutely wild. I loved it.

• 10:08Speaker 03

  Well, they're, they're, they're acting like they're in the, they're like being bullied by everyone.

• 10:12Speaker 04

  I know.

• 10:13Speaker 03

  Did you see the press conference where the person asked Pep Guardiola if he ever been, had ever been paid? Like, in random ways like Mancini, and he got so angry about it. And you'd just be like, well, that is a fair question. You're in the same club with the same owners, someone's been paid.

• 10:29Speaker 04

  Same job.

• 10:30Speaker 03

  Same job, someone's been paid in a strange way. And all he's got to say is, no, absolutely not. Not, we're angry and defensive.

• 10:38Speaker 04

  What I like about the Pep Guardiola situation.

• 10:40Speaker 03

  Sorry, you're out there with your chair, you're moving it, you're in a new office today.

• 10:43Speaker 04

  Just move my arms up.

• 10:44Speaker 03

  I find new ergonomic office chairs too confusing.

• 10:47Speaker 04

  It's the way they, they, they kind of give and take.

• 10:50Speaker 03

  I, when I started an office, you had up and down.

• 10:53Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 10:54Speaker 03

  Just up and down, roll about, that was, that was it.

• 10:57Speaker 04

  Well, we don't want to hear about you and looming in the office. We've heard that story already.

• 11:03Speaker 04

  Pep Guardiola, because he's a bit holier than now, do you know what I mean?

• 11:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:07Speaker 04

  It is fun. And it also means, I'm gonna say it, I don't think Pep Guardiola has achieved that much in his career.

• 11:14Speaker 03

  There we go, let's open up, come on.

• 11:16Speaker 04

  So, Barcelona, he did brilliantly, but he had Lionel Messi, yeah?

• 11:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, Messi and also Busquets, Iniesta and Xavi that were already there through the system. He's not had to buy them, they're just there, I think.

• 11:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:28Speaker 03

  I think that's right, Michael, stop me if I'm wrong.

• 11:30Speaker 06

  No, that's correct. He's inherited the greatest club team of all time with the greatest single player of all time.

• 11:35Speaker 03

  Oh, okay, so I see, I see where Michael sits on the fence.

• 11:38Speaker 04

  Then Bayern Munich, he won the Bundesliga.

• 11:40Speaker 03

  Oh, fuck, I could win the Bundesliga with you up front.

• 11:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:43Speaker 03

  Harry Kane and Josh Riddick up front, absolutely fine.

• 11:46Speaker 04

  And then he only managed to win the Champions League once while a club that had been cheating for a decade.

• 11:54Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 11:55Speaker 04

  I don't think he's a very good manager.

• 11:57Speaker 03

  What else has he won? That's it, innit?

• 11:58Speaker 04

  He won the league a load of times.

• 12:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, but also La Liga with Messi, come on.

• 12:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, so what's he done?

• 12:04Speaker 03

  And all of the Man City stuff was cheating.

• 12:06Speaker 04

  Because even after the cheating, it doesn't matter, that's like going, oh, well, Lance Armstrong, you know, if you've done, if you've stopped taking steroids a few weeks before the Tour de France, it doesn't mean that that's.

• 12:16Speaker 03

  Well, also as well, what's amazing is that like, he's not even, they've not even cheated in a fun way. The point of cheating is you don't do any work. So for example, if I had to do homework now, I'd probably just get AI to write it all. And I've cheated and I've done nothing. What I wouldn't do is get AI to write it all and then write another one myself and then sort of think, oh, I don't need that. So he's ripped his hair out, scratched his head, gone mad. Everything's gone, fallen apart around him and he was cheating anyway. I'm like, you've not benefited from the cheating, you've exhausted yourself with this mad Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, successes everything approach. And you've cheated and you're still shit.

• 12:56Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? Won Champions League with that squad, come on.

• 13:03Speaker 03

  It's an absolute joke, should be embarrassed. That's not, they've not won enough.

• 13:07Speaker 04

  Also, you know these people that go, you can't take it away because of the players and the fans. But they got, they got it by cheating.

• 13:17Speaker 03

  I feel sorry for the fa, I feel sorry for Man City fans.

• 13:19Speaker 04

  I don't, they've had a great time.

• 13:21Speaker 03

  No, but they haven't because it wasn't real.

• 13:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:23Speaker 03

  They know deep down that they were like crappy Man City, great club, great fans. Good like, you know, everyone quite liked Man City and they were up and down and whatever and everyone loved them because of Man United and blah, blah, blah. And then basically they, they, these have come in and in good faith, the fans have trusted them. And they've been let down by the owners so that it's all bollocks. It's, do you know what it is? It's, you know, when your mum used to send you Valentine's cards?

• 13:48Speaker 03

  You get to eighteen and you go, fucking hell, I'm actually a complete virgin, my mum did that.

• 13:54Speaker 03

  None of those were true, none of those were real Valentines. I trusted my mum, she got busy to try and make me happy, but I'm not really happy because it's not real.

• 14:03Speaker 04

  No, exactly. And if it was real, that would be sick and she should be in prison.

• 14:07Speaker 03

  Obviously as well, it totally undermines the point of winning the league really. Because now they've gone, look, let's take them off the league, right, voided, and let's give them to other clubs. And the other clubs go, oh, it doesn't really mean anything though, does it?

• 14:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:19Speaker 03

  Well, why bother this year then?

• 14:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:21Speaker 03

  If it doesn't mean anything, like, if it's just a trophy, a meaningless trophy.

• 14:25Speaker 04

  Do you know what, do you know what I'm gonna say, guys? None of it means anything.

• 14:27Speaker 03

  No, it's pointless.

• 14:29Speaker 04

  Finally we realise the whole thing means nothing.

• 14:32Speaker 03

  The greatest, most successful manager of all time, Pep Guardiola. I watched that documentary, I've never felt more sorry for anyone I've ever met in my life. He looked so fucked. He looked exhausted, he looked tired, he looked frustrated and he's an absolute elite. And I think there's a big shout for not just football, the whole world, celebrating people doing fuck all and achieving fuck all, but managing to float through without having a breakdown. That's the aim.

• 14:58Speaker 04

  That's the aim. And we both failed.

• 15:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm one of them. I'm one of them fucking losers that just keeps going mental. Any opportunity to chill out and I'll fucking gobble something else off.

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• 17:20Speaker 04

  Can I ask a question?

• 17:22Speaker 03

  Always, always, of course, absolutely.

• 17:24Speaker 04

  It might be better for Michael to try and answer this.

• 17:27Speaker 03

  Whoa, okay, no, let me have a go.

• 17:29Speaker 04

  Okay, so have you seen like the, the graphs they've done where?

• 17:33Speaker 03

  Michael? I'm not doing graphs.

• 17:38Speaker 04

  So where you can see how much each year they put in and it starts quite small, but by year, whatever it is, what, how many years was it that they've been done for, eight or whatever? It's about a hundred and thirty million of the two hundred and thirty million, right? That they're declaring.

• 17:57Speaker 03

  It's like nine hundred million.

• 17:59Speaker 04

  That's over the ten years.

• 18:00Speaker 03

  Oh, sorry, each year.

• 18:02Speaker 04

  So by the last year, they're paying an extra hundred and thirty million. So then suddenly the, the investigation starts. So does that money coming in from these people? After the investigation starts, when suddenly we don't care, does it stop being really high? Or are they still doing it?

• 18:22Speaker 03

  I do think I know the answer to this, but Michael, you go first and I'll mop up anything you leave on the table.

• 18:27Speaker 06

  Well, I understand what you're saying, but I don't know if I know the answer. I suspect they didn't reduce them, they just found smarter, more legal ways to do it.

• 18:37Speaker 03

  I, I don't know the answer, but I'm gonna give you the answer.

• 18:39Speaker 04

  Okay, that's, that's perfect.

• 18:40Speaker 03

  I think as a football business, they, because of the success, became much more popular. So shirt sales, overseas fans and all that increased.

• 18:50Speaker 04

  When you watch it, it slowly grows, but it then to, to maintain would have to go up about a hundred and fifty million pounds.

• 18:58Speaker 03

  Maybe there'll be another investigation in ten years.

• 19:00Speaker 04

  Oh my God, just keep them coming, just keep them coming.

• 19:03Speaker 03

  But I want a bit of resolution soon, but I don't think there will be. They reckon that the appeal should take three, four months, so hopefully early, they've got to get it sorted by the end of this Premier League.

• 19:13Speaker 04

  Do you remember when Mark Morrison got a lookalike to do his community service?

• 19:17Speaker 03

  Sorry, the Mark, Return of the Mac?

• 19:19Speaker 04

  Return of the Mac.

• 19:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay, sorry, go on.

• 19:21Speaker 04

  He got community service.

• 19:22Speaker 03

  We're doing musical hell next week.

• 19:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'll get that, right? Mark Morrison got, did, got a lookalike to do his community service.

• 19:30Speaker 03

  That's insane. How do I not know this story? Go on, carry on.

• 19:33Speaker 04

  Would you think that's what Pep's doing with Enzhu Maresca?

• 19:42Speaker 03

  I mean, you have to go deep into the niche musical topical news stories there for that to work. But yeah.

• 19:49Speaker 04

  Are you enjoying it, Michael? As a Man U fan?

• 19:52Speaker 03

  He's paid a lookalike.

• 19:53Speaker 04

  Do you want, you Googling Mark Marsden lookalike community service?

• 19:57Speaker 03

  I'm trying, I'm trying to get the lookalike though, but I don't think there is the one.

• 20:00Speaker 04

  No, I don't think there was a.

• 20:01Speaker 03

  No.

• 20:01Speaker 06

  Yes, to answer your question, I am very much enjoying it.

• 20:04Speaker 04

  Would you want the league titles?

• 20:06Speaker 06

  I want them stripped, but I don't want them.

• 20:09Speaker 03

  No, I don't think they should award them. I think they should just be to no one.

• 20:12Speaker 06

  You know, we came second and, you know, maybe we would have come first on those two seasons. It doesn't really matter. What's done is done. I don't think you can take any joy or pleasure as either a fan or a player from those medals, but you can take so much joy if they're taken away from them.

• 20:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think that's funnier. I think it's funnier if there's no league winners for those years.

• 20:30Speaker 03

  So for example, in all the records books, it's taken away from them. So and when they're like in official capacities referred to as like two times Premier League winners instead of six or seven or whatever they're, I don't know. But you know, like in stadiums, they have pictures of medals they've won and trophies they've won. Would they have to be taken down? Would they make them remove them from the museum? Or is that a club decision?

• 20:51Speaker 04

  I think that needs to be, I think any reference to it in like, even in a banner, in a fan's banner, I think they have to go, sorry, you're going to need to remove that.

• 21:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, but they can't do that, can they?

• 21:02Speaker 04

  No, but I think that'd be nice if they did.

• 21:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:04Speaker 06

  The admin mess is what makes it really funny. Like the fans have got tattoos of those wins.

• 21:10Speaker 04

  And they have to be removed. They have to be removed.

• 21:12Speaker 06

  It's just funny. All of that is funny.

• 21:13Speaker 03

  But they're wankers anyway, aren't they? People that get tattoos.

• 21:16Speaker 04

  They have to unstitch the stars from it. Do they have stars above that? They probably don't do they? Do they have a Champions League star above there?

• 21:22Speaker 03

  But then does that get stripped? The Premier League can't strip that, only UEFA can.

• 21:25Speaker 04

  Or if they're not going to strip it, I just think it should just, at the end of each one, it should say, did you win it though?

• 21:33Speaker 03

  I know. I tell you what they should. I think when they play the Champions League, instead of the normal Champions League music, they should play it on like a sort of flute or something, you know, like.

• 21:44Speaker 04

  Funny whistle.

• 21:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, like, like a little pet. It should be played like that as in like a look, these, this is a fucking joke. This is a sham. So like stuff like that. A clown, they have clown mascots.

• 21:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:55Speaker 03

  Instead of the kids.

• 21:56Speaker 04

  I've never really engaged with the word sham that much. It's got so big this week, the word sham. I love it.

• 22:04Speaker 03

  Normally sham wedding.

• 22:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:06Speaker 03

  By the way, this isn't a dig at Man City. I would be laughing this much at any club that was that successful. So say with Tottenham being shit, I'd be laughing the same if it was Liverpool or Man United or Chelsea or whatever. Like that is totally what's going on. So don't, if you're, the Man City fans have been ringing up to talk sport. I swear they're paid actors. These people can't be real. Do you know what I mean? Who's a normal Man City fan that, Jason Manford, do you want to ring him?

• 22:31Speaker 04

  Shall I ring Dave Masterman from the John and Ellis show?

• 22:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's a Man City fan, isn't he?

• 22:36Speaker 04

  Shall I just ring him now?

• 22:37Speaker 03

  See what he thinks.

• 22:38Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 22:39Speaker 03

  I think he'd probably be embarrassed and annoyed.

• 22:41Speaker 04

  Do you?

• 22:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, you would. I'd be if it was Arsenal. But it depends how much, some people really love their club, don't they?

• 22:51Speaker 03

  And I mean.

• 22:51Speaker 04

  You're right. I'm just doing footballing hell with Rob.

• 22:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:55Speaker 04

  Which we're recording at this moment and we just wanted to talk to her at what we described as a reasonable Man City fan.

• 23:03Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 23:04Speaker 04

  How are you?

• 23:07Speaker 03

  I'm all right. I'm all right. So I'm pragmatic about it all, Josh, to be honest. It's, it's, it's not great, is it? But it's also only football. And I've got, I've got other things to really, really worry about. So it's not nice, but it's.

• 23:25Speaker 04

  What the other? Do you want to go into those other things?

• 23:29Speaker 03

  Got three bloody kids, Josh, and I've got a job that takes 12 hours a day to keep Alison John happy. What do you think?

• 23:38Speaker 04

  So can I ask one question? We don't think Pep Guardiola is a good manager anymore.

• 23:44Speaker 03

  That's bollocks. That is bollocks.

• 23:47Speaker 04

  But he only won one Champions League when he was cheating and he didn't win it with Bayern Munich.

• 23:52Speaker 03

  Well, the appeal's been, I will say the appeal's been long.

• 23:54Speaker 04

  Oh, here we go.

• 23:57Speaker 03

  We're not actually guilty of anything yet. And I, you know, I still have faith in my owners. He's clearly a good manager. That's rubbish. And you know, that's rubbish. The Barcelona stuff don't count.

• 24:11Speaker 04

  But we were just saying the Barcelona stuff doesn't count because he's got the best player ever and like all these amazing players. Anyone can win the Bundesliga with Bayern Munich and then he only won one Champions League when he was cheating. If anything, he's underachieved.

• 24:25Speaker 03

  But.

• 24:30Speaker 03

  It's under appeal.

• 24:33Speaker 03

  We'll just have to wait and see. But I think, I still think he's, he's, he's a very, very good manager.

• 24:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:38Speaker 03

  And I don't think he can take away, you can't take away like how he still managed to do what he did. Yes. If, if there's extra money being injected into a club, it's not a great look, is it? But I still think he's, he's still a good manager. That's crazy to say that he's not any good. What, where would you put him in terms of level of manager?

• 24:57Speaker 04

  I reckon about Steve Bruce level.

• 25:03Speaker 03

  If they lose the appeal, how will he feel about it all? If it just. When it, when this, when all this first came out, I was very flippant about it and thought, you know what?

• 25:11Speaker 04

  We've got loads of money. We can, we'll get away with it.

• 25:14Speaker 03

  Well, not even that. Just, do you know what? I had some of the best, I had some of those fun years of being a City fan.

• 25:19Speaker 04

  I bet you did.

• 25:20Speaker 03

  Through the divisions. That's genuine. Yeah, Lance Armstrong had a great time on the Tour de France. Season ticket in the kit packs. We couldn't believe what was going on, but also it was bloody funny, like playing Lincoln away and getting hammered.

• 25:32Speaker 04

  Nothing wrong with that.

• 25:33Speaker 03

  And it was good fun. But so that was my initial response. And I think since then, like over the last week, I have been a bit sadder about it because then you start saying, well, hold on. This is, this is a club that I've loved since the age of six and there are all those memories and there is, I'm probably closer to the club than I was letting on. Like I was actually letting myself believe when the news first came out. And actually over the past week, it's been a bit more like, oh, this is a bit shit because.

• 26:03Speaker 04

  Do you, can I ask, I, well, you don't need to go into this. Have you ever been, have you ever been in a relationship where someone's cheated on you? You don't need to answer. But, and then can you look back on those, those wonderful days, early doors of the relationship, still through rose into glasses? I.e. the Aguero moment, presuming the appeal doesn't work. Could you still watch that with a, without a feeling of, oh?

• 26:34Speaker 03

  Probably not.

• 26:34Speaker 04

  Oh, that is sad.

• 26:37Speaker 03

  It is sad, Josh, because I'm not, I'm not the, I think it surprised me. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Weeks, just how pigheaded City fans are being about it.

• 26:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:48Speaker 03

  There is, there is a real reluctance to even accept the fact that things will feel differently if this does go the way that it's looking like it will go.

• 26:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:58Speaker 03

  And I think that's just, I think that's just us being stubborn and us not wanting to admit that if all does go the way it looks like it might, and let's say there is a big, you know, monetary sanction or there is the, you know, the stripping of titles or the relegation. I think all that will start to feel a lot more, well, naturally it'll start to feel a lot more real when it actually happens and it starts to happen.

• 27:19Speaker 04

  And I'm going to ask one last thing, which I think, would you like to distance yourself from the comments of your beloved Gallagher brothers?

• 27:27Speaker 03

  I like that they're sticking by them.

• 27:30Speaker 04

  They get free tickets in the best boxes.

• 27:33Speaker 03

  It's fine. They can, they can tell you on, I'm not, you're not going to. He seems sad.

• 27:37Speaker 04

  Oh, you're sad.

• 27:40Speaker 03

  I didn't get, I didn't get any tickets for next summer. So I do need to try and at least show that, you know.

• 27:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:45Speaker 03

  I'm with the boys.

• 27:46Speaker 04

  Okay. Well, I hope you're all right, Dave. I'm sorry about, you know, I'm sorry about it because you are a reasonable Man City fan, Rob.

• 27:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, I still find it hilarious, but I feel bad for a real fan.

• 27:56Speaker 04

  Do you understand why everyone finds it hilarious?

• 27:59Speaker 03

  Yeah. I mean, that's the other thing. They did it on purpose. Like they landed this at a time when there was a bloody two, however long it's been international break. So they knew that like, there was, there was no way we could brief the players. All the managers were all. Oh, poor you. Brief the players, fuck off. First getting back is Liverpool away. Don't tell me that they didn't, didn't know exactly what they were doing.

• 28:24Speaker 04

  Are you going?

• 28:25Speaker 03

  They landed this.

• 28:26Speaker 04

  Are you going?

• 28:27Speaker 03

  Come on, no way. Absolutely not.

• 28:30Speaker 03

  I don't think anything worse, you might.

• 28:33Speaker 04

  Thank you, Dave.

• 28:35Speaker 03

  Cheers, mate. Have a good day.

• 28:36Speaker 04

  Cheers, mate.

• 28:37Speaker 03

  You see the heartbreak start, starting to seep into like the reality.

• 28:41Speaker 04

  Such a nice man.

• 28:43Speaker 03

  It is funny though, but I feel sorry for people like that. They've gone, oh, this is great. And then they've been lied to.

• 28:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:48Speaker 03

  By the club.

• 28:49Speaker 04

  I know.

• 28:50Speaker 03

  They should be angry at the owners, not.

• 28:52Speaker 04

  I know.

• 28:52Speaker 03

  Other football fans.

• 28:53Speaker 04

  Oh, boy.

• 28:54Speaker 03

  That's funny though, saying that Pep underachieved is such a funny angle. They'll, that'll fucking annoy them so bad.

• 29:00Speaker 04

  I hope he gets back to Pep.

• 29:02Speaker 03

  Oh, I think we're the least of his problems, aren't we then? If he cares what we think, does he?

• 29:06Speaker 04

  I think Pep Guardiola would know who you are, Rob.

• 29:09Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 29:10Speaker 04

  I think he might have watched LOL.

• 29:12Speaker 03

  Last one laughing.

• 29:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:15Speaker 03

  But if he does.

• 29:16Speaker 04

  I think Pep might have watched a Rob and Romage, where he's got young kids.

• 29:20Speaker 03

  But then again, look, I feel sorry for him if he doesn't know.

• 29:23Speaker 04

  Rob.

• 29:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:24Speaker 04

  Have you checked the League One table recently?

• 29:27Speaker 03

  No, I've been too busy looking at the Nations League tables, actually. Plymouth, top of the league.

• 29:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:33Speaker 03

  How are you feeling about it coming up? This is a big moment.

• 29:36Speaker 04

  We could be playing Man City next season.

• 29:38Speaker 03

  Didn't you lose at the weekend?

• 29:39Speaker 04

  No, we, we'd lost the weekend before, but we won this weekend.

• 29:42Speaker 03

  Got you.

• 29:43Speaker 04

  But no one's been playing because they've got international.

• 29:45Speaker 03

  You, Bradford, Plymouth, Bradford, Huddersfield. Feels like we're reading out, you know, the, the tour dates of a guest.

• 29:53Speaker 03

  So you're going to be at Plymouth, Bradford, Huddersfield, Sheffield, Stockport, Cambridge, Reading, Burton, Wimbledon, Oxford, Leyton Orient, Wickham, Stevenage, Leicester, Blackpool, Luton, Mansfield, Barnsley, Bromley, Notts County, Doncaster, MK Dons, Peterborough. We're going, we're going to bottom the league.

• 30:06Speaker 04

  Yeah. So it's all very exciting.

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• 31:45Speaker 03

  So right, what's going on in nations? I mean, I'm so rudderless and.

• 31:49Speaker 04

  Did you enjoy Ronaldo?

• 31:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, so apparently the manager of Portugal is got as big an ego as Ronaldo in Portuguese football. He's a proper like arrogant, does whatever he wants, doesn't take any nonsense.

• 32:04Speaker 04

  That's not like Portuguese manager to be like, is it?

• 32:09Speaker 03

  So apparently he got called. So I was listening to a, actually a business sport expert. And what this is Ronaldo brings so much money through television rights and advertising to the Portuguese FA. They are keen for him to play for the team as long as possible. So there was an.

• 32:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, that's clear. He absolutely fucked the World Cup.

• 32:30Speaker 03

  There was an agreement apparently that he was going to come to this international break, play the first two games, go home and not play the second two games. Right. And featuring them. So like play one or come on as a sub. So on the second game, he made him warm up for 45 minutes. And then when you're not actually coming on, so that's when Ronaldo stormed off because they had an agreement that then the bloke went back on.

• 32:51Speaker 04

  Brilliant.

• 32:51Speaker 03

  So that's why. So I, whose side are you on, Josh here?

• 32:55Speaker 04

  I'm never on Ronaldo's side.

• 32:57Speaker 03

  I'm on Ronaldo's side, actually, and I'm not normally am on Ronaldo's side.

• 33:00Speaker 04

  I think it's hilarious.

• 33:02Speaker 03

  I haven't seen him. Is he looking angry warming up?

• 33:05Speaker 04

  Oh, I don't know, but.

• 33:06Speaker 03

  Oh, you do watch it?

• 33:07Speaker 04

  Did I watch it? Portugal versus whoever it was.

• 33:10Speaker 03

  God, every time I see it on the telly, I get fucking annoyed. It's such a random time.

• 33:13Speaker 04

  I watched Wales the other night. I sat in my room.

• 33:16Speaker 03

  Lost one nil to Denmark.

• 33:18Speaker 04

  No, I watched them when they won one, two, one. Did they win two, one against?

• 33:22Speaker 03

  I mean, this is the annoying part. There's so many games nonstop flying at me.

• 33:26Speaker 04

  I know, and none of them are good.

• 33:31Speaker 04

  I just think it's funny because in the World Cup, he shouldn't have been playing. They had so many good players and they had this guy up front that could barely move. And now someone had to do it, Rob.

• 33:43Speaker 03

  What happened psychologically to Cristiano Ronaldo now? He's been arguably not only one of the best players in the world, one of the best players ever, right? Obviously there'll be a Messi Ronaldo, but you can argue that he was the best in the world. He was the greatest ever footballer for a period of time. Yeah, obviously his ability is dropping, his skills dropping because he's getting older and your body fails you as an athlete. How do you go from believing you are the greatest to ever do something to then being retired and then just doing adverts?

• 34:15Speaker 04

  You're going through that at the moment, aren't you?

• 34:28Speaker 03

  But I think I'm ready to accept that. I don't think he is.

• 34:31Speaker 04

  So am I. Like, but that's why we're not the greatest ever, I suppose.

• 34:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I don't think it's worth being the greatest ever for mental you have to be.

• 34:40Speaker 04

  If you were past your best.

• 34:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:43Speaker 04

  Right. But you were insisting that they still put you on for the last 15 minutes of Mott the Week each week.

• 34:51Speaker 03

  I'm just warming up in the mirror, practicing jokes.

• 34:55Speaker 04

  And then you were always too slow to get to the microphone because you're far too old.

• 34:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:00Speaker 04

  Someone's got to put you out to pasture. But the problem is these people that happened with Eric Ten Hag, was it? Was it Eric Ten Hag that ran you? They expend so much energy getting rid of Cristiano Ronaldo.

• 35:12Speaker 03

  At that point, I think he was good enough to stay.

• 35:15Speaker 04

  Oh, Michael?

• 35:16Speaker 06

  I mean, he was good enough to play in the Premier League, but I think what he did to the team was detrimental overall. Any team with Cristiano Ronaldo in becomes about Cristiano Ronaldo tactically and in terms of the PR. And that's not the way either we or Portugal should be playing.

• 35:31Speaker 03

  Okay, fair enough.

• 35:35Speaker 03

  Sorry, Dad.

• 35:41Speaker 03

  Just trying to have a bit of a laugh at half time, actually.

• 35:47Speaker 04

  I'd have gone further and got him to strip off and then not brought him on.

• 35:52Speaker 03

  Oh, well, like full kit and then said sit down.

• 35:54Speaker 04

  Checked his studs and kind of questioned them.

• 35:57Speaker 03

  What, what, what do you reckon he does then? When does, when does he retire?

• 36:00Speaker 04

  Do linesmen still check the players studs? That used to be a really big thing.

• 36:04Speaker 03

  I mean, I still don't even think they're actually still playing football in Saudi Arabia. I think Ronaldo just turns up and kicks a few balls and people runs around him like. Is that league still going?

• 36:12Speaker 04

  When players go to Saudi Arabia, and I say this, Ollie Watkins.

• 36:18Speaker 03

  Is that where he is?

• 36:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:20Speaker 03

  It's so much money, Josh. If I was a footballer, I'd be all over it. You know I would.

• 36:23Speaker 04

  You'd be in Saudi Arabia.

• 36:25Speaker 03

  I'd be Ivan Tony, straight there. Do you want to be in the World, do you want to be in the World Cup squad? I want fucking 10 million a week. See you later.

• 36:32Speaker 04

  I'm going to name some comedians.

• 36:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:34Speaker 04

  And I want you to tell me where they go and play in the Saudi Arabian Comedy League.

• 36:37Speaker 03

  And I tell you, uh, if they go early or if they go late.

• 36:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:42Speaker 03

  In their career.

• 36:43Speaker 04

  Okay, Romesh?

• 36:45Speaker 03

  I think he could be tempted at 38 for one season. That, like that kind of vibe. I don't think he'd go early. But he can be tempted to go, what, for a year, I reckon.

• 36:56Speaker 04

  Um, me?

• 36:57Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, you'd go. I don't know. Actually, you're a bit moral, but you do like a pound note due to some sort of childhood problem with money. So that's the issue really. It just normally if you're working class, you have some sort of childhood fear and panic about money that will force you to the Saudi leagues for the last, I reckon you will invent a convoluted, moralistic way to do it.

• 37:16Speaker 04

  The Jordan Henderson?

• 37:18Speaker 03

  Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd do a Henderson panic and then leave after half a year.

• 37:28Speaker 03

  Who else? Jimmy Carr, Jimmy Carr would go at 18. He would do a Yoan Duru. Is it Duran? What was his name?

• 37:34Speaker 04

  Duran Duran.

• 37:35Speaker 03

  He went at like 23. I wouldn't go at 23.

• 37:38Speaker 04

  Who was that, um, fucking Chelsea player that went to play in China? Oscar, was he called?

• 37:44Speaker 03

  Oscar, he earned a fortune.

• 37:47Speaker 04

  He was like 25.

• 37:48Speaker 03

  Right, okay. So Saudi Arabia, America or China? Where would you go?

• 37:52Speaker 04

  Well, the money's not as good in America, is it?

• 37:54Speaker 03

  No, but it's a great lifestyle. I'd be all over that. I mean, it depends.

• 37:58Speaker 04

  Would you though? I think if you had Saudi and America on the table, Rob, I think you'd take Saudi.

• 38:02Speaker 03

  I'd do Saudi for a year and then go to America for two or three.

• 38:05Speaker 04

  It depends which club you get in America. The moment you're playing for like Kansas City and you're like, oh, for fuck's sake.

• 38:14Speaker 03

  Let's have a look at the MLS.

• 38:15Speaker 04

  Like, I want to play for New York Red Bulls. That's what I want to do.

• 38:18Speaker 03

  Right, let's have a look at that. So let's see the teams that you'd play for.

• 38:21Speaker 04

  Or LA Galaxy. They're the two teams I'd join, but I prefer New York because it's a bit more.

• 38:26Speaker 03

  There's so many of them because there's Eastern Conference, there's 30 teams.

• 38:28Speaker 04

  Toronto, isn't there as well?

• 38:30Speaker 03

  Sporting Kansas City are bottom of the league.

• 38:33Speaker 04

  Fuck that, fuck that.

• 38:34Speaker 03

  You want to go Minnesota?

• 38:35Speaker 04

  No.

• 38:36Speaker 03

  Austin, Salt Lake, San Diego. Salt Lake, you look like a little Mormon fellow knocking about.

• 38:40Speaker 04

  I mean, imagine.

• 38:41Speaker 03

  Playing white shirts and black trousers and a tie.

• 38:48Speaker 03

  Everyone looks like men in black in the crowd. Fucking beautiful stadium though. I could have a bit of Salt Lake, you know? Look Lou, I just really want to fit in with the rest of the guys. So I will be having three more wives. But that is, I just want to make sure I'm assimilating with the culture.

• 39:02Speaker 04

  I'd go New York Red Bulls.

• 39:03Speaker 03

  Portland, right?

• 39:05Speaker 04

  Yeah. Oh, yeah, that'd be quite fun.

• 39:06Speaker 03

  Where Liam Ridgwell played. Have you seen their mascot?

• 39:09Speaker 04

  Liam Ridgwell of this parish.

• 39:11Speaker 03

  Do you know what the mascot does?

• 39:12Speaker 04

  Portland Timbers, is he? Or is that the, is that American football?

• 39:15Speaker 03

  They're Portland Timbers. Do you know what the mascot is?

• 39:18Speaker 04

  A log?

• 39:19Speaker 03

  Close. A logger, like a lumberjack, but basically when they score a goal, he revs up his chainsaw and cuts.

• 39:28Speaker 04

  Amazing, amazing.

• 39:29Speaker 03

  Like a big bit of trio off and then he writes the player's name and the goal when he's gone and he gets given it at the end of the game as.

• 39:36Speaker 04

  Oh my God, that's brilliant.

• 39:38Speaker 03

  And then they obviously do one as well for like if they've won. So, yeah, that, that's a.

• 39:41Speaker 04

  So if it's like a deflection or whatever, it is he?

• 39:44Speaker 03

  He's waiting for VAR before he fires it up.

• 39:46Speaker 04

  He needs it, he needs it confirmed.

• 39:48Speaker 03

  He's called Timber Joey.

• 39:49Speaker 04

  Amazing.

• 39:50Speaker 03

  Also, other recommendations of best mascots. Let us know from around the world, please.

• 39:54Speaker 04

  I went to an MLS game.

• 39:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:56Speaker 04

  In 2005, when I was traveling around America.

• 40:00Speaker 03

  There's a Vice documentary about Timber Joey.

• 40:02Speaker 04

  Is there?

• 40:03Speaker 03

  Timber Joey, America's best mascot. Have a little watch of that.

• 40:06Speaker 04

  So I went to, um, a MLS game.

• 40:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:11Speaker 04

  Nil-nil, New England versus Chicago, Chicago Fire. And I've never seen a stadium of people that understand football less. The biggest cheer of the night was when someone did a overhead kick to keep the ball in on the halfway line.

• 40:30Speaker 04

  They fucking loved it. They couldn't believe it had happened.

• 40:34Speaker 03

  I love Americans though in American crowds, but yeah, the, the let's go defense chant needs to die. Let's go defense. Let's go. It's like, what is that?

• 40:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:48Speaker 03

  And Americans are sort of cheeky chap. You know what I mean? It's not like, they're not boring people.

• 40:53Speaker 04

  No.

• 40:54Speaker 03

  They're just a little bit too.

• 40:55Speaker 04

  He's not into football and that's okay.

• 40:57Speaker 03

  Too earnest and a little bit too sort of proud, if you know what I mean.

• 41:02Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 41:02Speaker 03

  So it's like, let's go. The, the English will like, are a little bit cuter with the chants. Do you know what I mean? Like funnier.

• 41:10Speaker 04

  I, I'd like to play in America. I'd like to play in America. I would.

• 41:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think America would be my favorite one if you're dropping out European leagues. What, any other comedians? Do you want to do that would go, sir?

• 41:21Speaker 04

  Um, Jay Daykasa?

• 41:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, never go.

• 41:24Speaker 04

  No.

• 41:24Speaker 03

  He might go America, actually.

• 41:26Speaker 04

  I think he more likely signed for, um, Dulwich Hamlet, just to make a point.

• 41:32Speaker 04

  Have we got any emails, Michael, to finish off?

• 41:34Speaker 03

  Let's do a couple of emails, because we've done pretty well though, we've watched zero football.

• 41:37Speaker 04

  Oh, hi Josh, sorry, but Geoff Kenner didn't play for Plymouth, I think you're confusing him with Jason Dodd, correct?

• 41:45Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 41:46Speaker 04

  Andy, fellow our girl sufferer, we're not sufferers, we're top of the league, mate. Now, we've got a lot of massive bastards, but first.

• 41:53Speaker 03

  Little shits as well.

• 41:55Speaker 04

  You do little shits, then I'll do players' food and drink habits, and then we'll finish by adding a massive bastard to our team.

• 42:00Speaker 03

  Well, the absolute dream, eh? Hello, lads, we're all here from Bristol, but a Blackburn Rovers fan. A great submission for your little shit segment, Paul Dickoff.

• 42:08Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 42:09Speaker 03

  Definitely little shit.

• 42:10Speaker 04

  Well, I don't see him as that little.

• 42:12Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, but you don't, do you? That's a great joke on Stritch the other day about that tiny shoe that Shirley gets out of.

• 42:17Speaker 04

  Thank you, I do love.

• 42:19Speaker 03

  I think that should be my, I was like, yes, that is apps.

• 42:22Speaker 04

  Come on, Saudi, I'm still, I'm still got it, come on.

• 42:27Speaker 03

  Saudi dancing with the stars.

• 42:30Speaker 03

  All the celebrities head to toe, can't see nothing but fucking eyeballs.

• 42:33Speaker 04

  What am I writing here?

• 42:34Speaker 03

  You've got Paul Dickoff height, five foot five inches, he's smaller than you, Josh.

• 42:38Speaker 04

  How many Dickoff red cards number?

• 42:42Speaker 03

  We do need that, actually, that's a good, uh.

• 42:44Speaker 04

  He only had two red cards in his Premier League career.

• 42:47Speaker 03

  Right, now, that's another category called dirty bastards.

• 42:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, okay.

• 42:51Speaker 03

  So then we've got massive bastards, little shits, we don't want to go bastards again, what should we do for the dirty players? Because I'm thinking of, who's the Australian left back? It's Kevin Muscat.

• 43:00Speaker 04

  Oh, my word, that fan.

• 43:01Speaker 03

  Nasty piece of work.

• 43:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:03Speaker 03

  Is that, what should we call it for this one? We've got dirty.

• 43:06Speaker 04

  Dirty rotters.

• 43:07Speaker 03

  Dirty rotters?

• 43:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:09Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, Muscat is in that. Dickoff, I think, is more a little shit than he is a dirty bastard, or whatever we're going to call it.

• 43:16Speaker 04

  Hello, a few years ago, I sat next to Roy Keane on an easy jet flight from Barcelona to Liverpool. I can report that he bought a chicken salad sandwich, which he found so obviously distasteful that he could manage no more than one bite before he binned it. I bet he was fucking livid.

• 43:35Speaker 03

  The food on for those flights isn't good.

• 43:36Speaker 04

  Instead, his entire lunch consisted of one giant Twix, which he loved.

• 43:42Speaker 03

  I, I, I get the feeling Roy Keane's one of those people that can eat loads of chocolate and sweets and he don't put in any weight, he's just.

• 43:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:47Speaker 03

  His body's in just such fight or flight all the time, it's just burning through calories.

• 43:52Speaker 04

  I have to say, Mr. Keane was unfailingly friendly and polite with everyone that approached him, although my wife, a lifelong Liverpool fan, would not even acknowledge his existence, Sean in Preston.

• 44:01Speaker 03

  I think Roy Keane.

• 44:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:04Speaker 03

  I feel like I'm fairly similar to Roy Keane in the regard that if people are polite and nice to me, I'm polite and nice to them. But if they come in with a bit of attitude, they will get that straight back.

• 44:14Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 44:15Speaker 03

  And I may not qualms about that anymore. I used to, I used to suffer it and then just still be nice because I'm worried. But now I'm at a point where I'm like, if you're going to come and be in a dick, I'll just be a dick back.

• 44:24Speaker 04

  I think, I think that's fair.

• 44:25Speaker 03

  And I think Keane's a good guy.

• 44:26Speaker 04

  I think Roy Keane is genuinely a good guy, and he did say, throw your medals in the bin, Man City.

• 44:32Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 44:33Speaker 04

  Hi, gents, firstly, loving the new podcast, this is for rule changes to improve football, it saved me having to explain niche footballing references from parenting hell to my wife, who couldn't care, for example, trying to explain who Attilio Lombardo is, how he ruined one of my early trips to St James' Park when he scored Newcastle's 2-1 defeat to Palace in 1998. On the point of too much passing in football from episode one, I couldn't agree more, but I think I've got a solution. I've been saying it for years that football would be better if you got rid of the managers altogether. Let them oversee transfers, the odd headers and volleys session in training, but that's it. Then on match day, it's just 22 blokes going for it.

• 45:14Speaker 03

  I, well, I.

• 45:15Speaker 04

  Cheers, Ben.

• 45:16Speaker 03

  I watched Exeter Rotherham on a very low point of Saturday afternoon.

• 45:20Speaker 04

  What, this year, when?

• 45:22Speaker 03

  It's Saturday, just gone. It was on League, League Two.

• 45:24Speaker 04

  It was on TV.

• 45:26Speaker 03

  It was on Sky Sports Plus, whatever it is where you can watch any game at three o'clock.

• 45:30Speaker 04

  And you chose Exeter Rotherham?

• 45:32Speaker 03

  Out of the ones, yeah. I mean, I listened to, it's a really good football podcast called You Don't Know What You're Doing, it used to be called My New Football Club, David Earl. Exeter, well, he moved to Exeter, so he started playing Exeter, unlike you, Josh, you're stuck with Plymouth. And anyway, so I'm just sort of half interested because whatever happens in the Exeter game, they sort of talk about, so if I've watched a bit, I get a bit used to the players. Basically, boring, sort of Pep-esque passing sideways football, but the players aren't good enough to do it for 85 minutes, and then they just basically lob it up top, long balls, and it's most exciting, fun, they nearly scored. I'm just like, just do that for the whole game. What are you trying to prove?

• 46:09Speaker 04

  Well, Rob, we've already discussed it, Pep's football statistically doesn't work because he's had an unimpressive career.

• 46:17Speaker 03

  That kind of football needs an extra 800 million over nine years in order to be effective. And even then, not as effective as it should have been. At least Lance Armstrong won all his races.

• 46:32Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? Bang, bang, bang, bang.

• 46:36Speaker 04

  Shall we finish with a massive bastard?

• 46:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, so we've got a massive, so far, massive bastard 11. We've got, uh, Richard Santos, Sheffield Wednesday, Cape Verde, six foot five, then we've got Effiong from St Albans and Exodus Giohagen? I don't know if I'm saying these right. Here we go.

• 46:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:53Speaker 03

  I love your massive bastard sections and feel like the team you're forming is one to reckon with. However, as is tradition in football, I wondered whether you could start putting together a foreign big mark.

• 47:02Speaker 04

  We can't keep splitting our teams, we're going to have a full.

• 47:07Speaker 03

  A foreign big massive bastard 11, featuring players from outside the UK, building in tandem. Well, because when I played Pro Evolution or Master League and you could basically sign players, I just bought all left, left footed players. And I called them the ones, now that's Steve Stoughton and John Ariza. Anyway, let's not go down that route. Foreign ba, foreign big massive bastards 11, featuring players from outside the UK. Then, once the teams are both complete, you should have a big massive bastards Champions League competition. We've voted on which massive bastard team they think would come out on top. To get the ball rolling with foreign continuing, I think the Italian Chilani, formerly of Juventus, would be perfect.

• 47:44Speaker 04

  Is he, is he massive?

• 47:46Speaker 03

  He pulled back Saka in the final of the Euros, that guy, isn't it?

• 47:49Speaker 04

  He is, yeah, yeah, he got bitten by, um, Luis Suarez, didn't he?

• 47:52Speaker 03

  I don't know if he's big enough, I mean.

• 47:54Speaker 04

  I don't think he's big enough.

• 47:55Speaker 03

  And he's too skilled. The massive bastards should be limited.

• 47:59Speaker 04

  No massive bastard going in this week.

• 48:01Speaker 03

  One, do you want one more?

• 48:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:03Speaker 03

  Hi, Tim, I'd like to put forward a player for massive bastards. Growing up in the noughties with my Glaswegian dad, I have a huge passion for Celtic. And there was one player I used to idolise and get his number on my shirt every season. Now, it wasn't number seven for the King of Kings Henrik Larsson, like you'd expect. It was number six for the six foot five, pure French Guinean mass of muscle that was Bobo Bowdy.

• 48:27Speaker 04

  Oh, I remember his name, but I don't remember him.

• 48:29Speaker 03

  He was an absolute brick wall of a defender and feared by many in Scotland. He used to jump for headers like a bulldozer driving over a rock, but score a handful in his time. His most famous performance was single handling silencing Xavi of Ronaldinho in a famous 1-0 win over Barcelona in 2004. The chant used to be, Bobo's gonna get ya. It would mean the well-to child of me if you could get big Bobo into the massive bastards Hall of Fame. Maybe he could go into the forum.

• 48:54Speaker 04

  I mean, he does look big.

• 48:56Speaker 03

  Big old, and also Scotland, you've got to be a massive bastard to deal with.

• 49:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think I'm happy to put him in.

• 49:01Speaker 03

  Big Scottish strikers.

• 49:02Speaker 04

  I'm happy to put Bobo Bowdy in.

• 49:04Speaker 03

  I'm happy to put Bobo Bowdy in.

• 49:05Speaker 04

  He's him.

• 49:06Speaker 03

  Oh, hang on, hang on. Let's do some top Trump's weight here. 190, he's between 6'3 and 6'5. And his weight is 14 stone. I don't know if he's big enough.

• 49:18Speaker 04

  Okay, well, do you know what?

• 49:20Speaker 03

  I think we should start doing their height and weight.

• 49:22Speaker 04

  I'm sorry, because he hasn't got.

• 49:23Speaker 03

  John Parkin was a massive bastard, six foot four, 15 stone.

• 49:27Speaker 04

  Yep, that hasn't been suggested by.

• 49:29Speaker 03

  Same weight as me, actually, worryingly, five foot eight.

• 49:32Speaker 04

  They need a specific reason and to be massive, do you know what I mean? Like the guy with the big throws or whatever.

• 49:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, maybe we've been too harsh, maybe stick Bobo Bowdy in as a placeholder.

• 49:42Speaker 04

  No, we're going to be harsh on the massive bastards. We need to just go, we, we need to be really won over.

• 49:50Speaker 03

  I think also, I think Bobo Bowdy is a good player.

• 49:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:53Speaker 03

  I, I think the massive bastards are, that's all they, that's their main thing.

• 49:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:58Speaker 03

  He's not just stopping Xavi and Ronaldinho by being a massive bastard.

• 50:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, okay.

• 50:03Speaker 03

  See you next time with some fucking football, Man City Liverpool.

• 50:06Speaker 04

  This is Liverpool.

• 50:07Speaker 03

  Man, Man United Tottenham, it's going to be a bumper one.

• 50:10Speaker 04

  Oh, it's a great weekend of sport.

• 50:12Speaker 03

  El Sacio versus El Cheeto on the Sunday.

• 50:16Speaker 04

  Sham City.

• 50:18Speaker 03

  That advert, I know, I don't like picking up betting companies, but that big advert with Sham, welcome to Shamchester, have you seen it?

• 50:24Speaker 04

  Oh, no, but that, that, um.

• 50:25Speaker 03

  So you know the Tevez?

• 50:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:27Speaker 03

  Welcome to Manchester in blue after he's switched from Man United. They've done that, but it's a barrister, like a barrister judge with the wig on, with a.

• 50:35Speaker 04

  Fun.

• 50:36Speaker 03

  Absolutely loved it.

• 50:37Speaker 04

  So much fun.

• 50:38Speaker 03

  Oh, it's good, isn't it? Right, see you next time.

• 50:40Speaker 04

  Thank you today, masterman. Bye.

• 50:53Speaker 04

  This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. You can go deep, keep it on the ground, or draw up something nobody sees coming. And whether you want to run a flea flicker or the tush push, you need a plan to fit your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you, so they can help personalise coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbour, State Farm is there.