S13 EP25: Josh locks himself out and has to sleep in the car...

More adventures in parenting (and life) from Rob and Josh... This week Josh locks himself out of the house and has to sleep in the car. If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [email protected] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. And now Footballing Hell is also available every Monday. A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:32Speaker 01

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• 1:00Speaker 02

  This episode is presented by Tuie.

• 1:02Speaker 03

  Look, you've got to love a family holiday, Josh.

• 1:04Speaker 02

  Oh, you've got to love it. Who wouldn't love it, Rob?

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• 1:46Speaker 02

  Atoll and Abta protected.

• 1:51Speaker 03

  Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with.

• 1:53Speaker 04

  Matilda, can you say Rob Beckett?

• 1:57Speaker 05

  Rob Beckett.

• 1:59Speaker 04

  Matilda, can you say Josh Widdicombe?

• 2:03Speaker 05

  Jack Widdicombe.

• 2:07Speaker 04

  And it's.

• 2:09Speaker 02

  Double Matildas?

• 2:11Speaker 03

  Double. Are you near enough the mic, Josh?

• 2:13Speaker 02

  Double Matildas.

• 2:14Speaker 03

  There we go. That felt like you were on me. Now you feel like you're in me.

• 2:19Speaker 02

  There we go. This is Matilda, our 19 month old daughter attempting to say both your names. We've been listening to your podcast since I was in early pregnancies, the same Matilda twice. Finally got caught up before she was born. So she's grown up listening to every week. Sadly, she now copies everything anyone says. So we've had to switch to the wheels on the bus in the car for fear of her repeating swear words. One day I'll reintroduce her. If Rob is questioning accents, I'm from North Yorkshire. My wife is from the Wirral, but we now live in Leeds. Who knows what accent Matilda will have or northern would be my answer.

• 2:50Speaker 03

  Hundred percent. No doubt in our mind. She's going to say tuck bathroom.

• 2:55Speaker 02

  Tuck bathroom. Thank you.

• 2:57Speaker 03

  Ba ba ba.

• 2:58Speaker 02

  Bath.

• 2:59Speaker 03

  Dance.

• 3:00Speaker 02

  Dance.

• 3:01Speaker 03

  Keep dancing.

• 3:02Speaker 02

  Thank you both for keeping me sane through the nursery run, straight work commute traffic. Meg, Kayleigh and Matilda. There we go.

• 3:09Speaker 03

  I always feel like I sound really posh when I say dance and I'm because on Strictly, Emma says dancing because she's northern, well, not northern, Bromley, and you say dancing.

• 3:18Speaker 02

  Keep dancing. Yeah.

• 3:20Speaker 03

  Keep dancing.

• 3:21Speaker 02

  Um, it's family day on Saturday. So the kids came to Strictly for the rehearsal, Rob.

• 3:27Speaker 03

  OMG, were they buzzing? The youngest didn't care?

• 3:31Speaker 02

  He said he wants to be a work on Strictly when he grows up after that.

• 3:35Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 3:36Speaker 02

  And my daughter described it as the best day of her life.

• 3:39Speaker 03

  Did you say to, well, unfortunately for you, I don't believe in nepotism, nepotism. So now that cannot happen.

• 3:45Speaker 02

  You have to get into the usual channels. I can't, I can't get you time as a runner.

• 3:51Speaker 03

  Not yet. You're five.

• 3:52Speaker 02

  They did enjoy it, Rob. You've taken your kids to Strictly before, haven't you?

• 3:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, they came when it was the, I did the terms and conditions.

• 4:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:01Speaker 03

  And they came along and met the judges and met a lot of the dancers and they got to sit in the seats and stuff, but I don't think they could sit in for the show. So I think they watched. But they watched it in the like big marquee tent.

• 4:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, the star bar.

• 4:16Speaker 03

  The star bar. Yes, the star bar. They watched it in there and they had a great time.

• 4:20Speaker 02

  There we go. Um, so end of a long weekend of Strictly. I'm tired, Rob.

• 4:27Speaker 03

  You're tired. You're a tired boy.

• 4:29Speaker 02

  Get the car back to Devon late.

• 4:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:32Speaker 02

  I actually, before the show, I do bring my suitcase up to the ground floor, to the make up room, so that I can leave without even having to go downstairs.

• 4:42Speaker 03

  I do that on certain things when I do Cats' Countdown because that's up in Manchester. And if I'm coming home, it's a long drive.

• 4:48Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 4:48Speaker 03

  And I think, how much time am I actually saying?

• 4:51Speaker 02

  I know. How much time I say, but it feels like I'm really gaming the system, doesn't it?

• 4:55Speaker 03

  But the problem is, and they'll never change it because no one cares because it only really impacts sort of lunatics or touring comedians. The diversion system on the motorways is an absolute Wild West. People say Bitcoin is a wild, honestly, it feels like put a high vis on and a cone, you can shut any road you want and they don't have to tell you when it's shut in, how long it's shut in for, no guidance. And then before you know it, you're on a diversion that the person doing the diversion gave up on halfway through and you're fucked. But you can't moan about it because no one cares because you shouldn't be driving late at night.

• 5:31Speaker 02

  Exactly, exactly. And I think it would be worse if they did it in the day.

• 5:35Speaker 03

  If there are any lorry drivers or people that drive a lot through the night on motorways, do you have any sort of social media account or app or map system that you follow that tells you about these diversions in advance or during?

• 5:48Speaker 02

  Yes, because I don't understand supposedly, you know, foolproof Google Maps or Waze.

• 5:55Speaker 03

  Yeah. They've got nothing.

• 5:57Speaker 02

  They've got nothing.

• 5:58Speaker 03

  They've got nothing.

• 6:00Speaker 02

  There is no point in your life when you're more helpless than when you get to a closed road that your sat nav doesn't think is closed. And then you can't, I don't know, you can't tell it it's closed. So then you're on your own and you start driving in other directions to get around it. And it's trying to desperately reroute you back to this road that it thinks is open.

• 6:26Speaker 03

  Yeah. And then you have to completely ignore it.

• 6:27Speaker 02

  You have to completely ignore it.

• 6:29Speaker 03

  Because sometimes I follow the diversions, but then I get caught up on the diversions of people going the other way up the motorway.

• 6:35Speaker 02

  I don't think diversion signs are.

• 6:37Speaker 03

  They must have south or north at least next to them, like the south.

• 6:42Speaker 02

  You're just on a roundabout thinking, which diversion sign am I following?

• 6:50Speaker 03

  Honestly, that happened to us coming back from North Allerton. You know, the work in progress for the Parenting Hell Live Tour. I've mentioned him for Alan, the window cleaner. He, um, he was also, that's driving. He, he got so, it was like eight hours back and was on this diversion. Fucking hell. Anyway.

• 7:05Speaker 02

  Oh, God.

• 7:07Speaker 03

  Can I say something else? Between us, ADHD headbutting each other. I mean, the issue is I have seen a lot of people self, well, neither of us have been diagnosed ADHD apart from all the listeners.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:18Speaker 03

  Um, basically people have said and said to me in person and in some of the comments, there are so many stories that we have never finished because we get distracted. So I want to introduce stories we have never finished section where the listeners can email in. So for example, you went to go and see Paddington and I interrupted you so much you never told us about going to see Paddington.

• 7:41Speaker 02

  I don't really remember. It was good.

• 7:43Speaker 03

  Exactly. Well, no, let's not ruin, you know, let's try and pretend that these are great stories. Um, and then one was, you said apparently you'll never believe where my water meter is. And then we started talking about something else.

• 7:53Speaker 02

  I don't know where it is.

• 7:55Speaker 03

  Well, maybe this isn't a good section.

• 7:59Speaker 03

  But you've got the stories that still annoy you that we never finished.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  I've been shown.

• 8:04Speaker 03

  But you said, oh, Rob, you'll never believe where it is when you were moving house some point.

• 8:08Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 8:10Speaker 03

  Was it water meter or was it the water? I don't know. The tap, you know, the stopcock thing for the hole. So you're, you're driving back from work late at night.

• 8:19Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah. So I get back, gone midnight. Fine. I live in Devon. I live a long way.

• 8:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:26Speaker 02

  I fall asleep in the car. I wake up.

• 8:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:29Speaker 02

  At home.

• 8:30Speaker 03

  You stepped all the way?

• 8:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:32Speaker 03

  It's quite a little cozy little safe zone. Is it the car home?

• 8:36Speaker 02

  I haven't been very well.

• 8:37Speaker 03

  Oh, what's wrong?

• 8:39Speaker 02

  I've got a ginger shot here.

• 8:40Speaker 03

  Oh, what's the ginger shot going to do?

• 8:42Speaker 02

  Well, nothing because I'm having them all the time. I'm still unwell.

• 8:45Speaker 03

  Mate, have you thought it's that? You've overdosed on ginger?

• 8:49Speaker 02

  Do you know what I did overdo?

• 8:50Speaker 03

  He overdosed on ginger. Make a mark.

• 8:57Speaker 02

  It's good stuff.

• 8:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:01Speaker 03

  That joke doesn't really work. I'd say it was quick and I giggled along that dragged it over the finish line, but ultimately, if you're stroking your chin, that's a shit joke. And I can't believe Beckett makes a career in this. Well, fucking better believe it, because I do.

• 9:13Speaker 02

  But really, the truth of it is, she's, she's having ginger regularly and she likes it.

• 9:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, ultimately, she's having ginger quite often and it's not causing her any problems.

• 9:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, fair enough.

• 9:25Speaker 02

  Really, you could have said Billy Piper when she divorced Chris Evans.

• 9:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, or who overdosed on ginger? Rob Beckett, when he hosted All Together Now.

• 9:36Speaker 02

  Exactly, yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 9:38Speaker 03

  Which would be even more niche, but, you know, we like it. But hey, this is for us. If other people like it, there's a bonus.

• 9:44Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 9:44Speaker 03

  Send in your overdosed on ginger punchline.

• 9:48Speaker 02

  Who's overdosed on ginger?

• 9:51Speaker 03

  This is, this is it. This is the heartbeat of the writers room. I'm just trying to think. Okay, so Chris Evans' birthday was 25 years ago.

• 9:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, that doesn't feel, if you said, I tell you who's overdosed on ginger, Billy Piper.

• 10:01Speaker 03

  Well, there's a famous ginger dying out.

• 10:04Speaker 02

  More with Lawrence Fox. Is Lawrence Fox ginger? It's difficult to know.

• 10:07Speaker 03

  There's not been many recent famous ginger people.

• 10:10Speaker 02

  No. Oh, Ed Sheeran?

• 10:13Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 10:13Speaker 02

  Tell you who's overdosed on ginger, Macklemore.

• 10:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, I knew we'd get there.

• 10:19Speaker 02

  We got that, we got.

• 10:21Speaker 03

  We'd get there.

• 10:25Speaker 03

  See, there's a good joke there somewhere. Just, you know, I open the door, you come in and fucking tidy up.

• 10:30Speaker 02

  Six minutes later.

• 10:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, but then on Mock the Week, that would have done that before Mock the Week. Let me go on and do it. I'll go to you, Josh, I'll do some stuff about ginger and overdosing. Bang. Before you know it, you've had your ginger shot. Macklemore, done. That's comedy.

• 10:46Speaker 02

  There we go. So get home, 1.30, middle of the night, obviously.

• 10:53Speaker 03

  Yeah. Still not that cold yet, is it?

• 10:55Speaker 02

  No. Well, interesting you say that, Rob. I forgot my house keys.

• 10:59Speaker 03

  Oh, oh, Josh.

• 11:03Speaker 02

  So I ring Rose. She doesn't pick up.

• 11:05Speaker 03

  Of course she doesn't, no.

• 11:06Speaker 02

  I ring the doorbell. She doesn't wake up.

• 11:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:10Speaker 02

  Because they're sleeping in the spare room at the back of the house.

• 11:14Speaker 03

  Right, okay.

• 11:15Speaker 02

  It's quite far from the doorbell that is only working in the front half of the house.

• 11:20Speaker 03

  Why is the doorbell only working?

• 11:22Speaker 02

  Because we're having the, you know.

• 11:26Speaker 02

  So I try the windows, I try the doors.

• 11:31Speaker 03

  From the window to the wall.

• 11:33Speaker 02

  Twenty, twenty missed calls on Rose's phone.

• 11:35Speaker 03

  Oh, at 18, surely you realise she's answering.

• 11:38Speaker 02

  I know, but what did you do?

• 11:40Speaker 03

  So how did you get in?

• 11:41Speaker 02

  I didn't.

• 11:43Speaker 03

  No.

• 11:44Speaker 02

  Do you know what I did? I, and this shouldn't be a positive. I tried the door on the car and the car was open.

• 11:52Speaker 03

  Right, okay, so you're, you've stepped to the car.

• 11:56Speaker 02

  I, I had a pillow in my suitcase. I've come directly from hosting the most iconic TV show there is.

• 12:04Speaker 03

  I mean, you were lucky there wasn't a paparazzi there.

• 12:11Speaker 03

  That's not a great look, is it?

• 12:16Speaker 03

  Ironically, I'm comfortier than the floor.

• 12:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:19Speaker 03

  Best night of your life in ages.

• 12:21Speaker 02

  I had to take the kids' seats out.

• 12:23Speaker 03

  What, so you had to take the kids, you had to do an Isofix at 2am?

• 12:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:28Speaker 03

  How long did, how much sleep did you get in there?

• 12:30Speaker 02

  A couple of hours before Rose woke up, saw her phone, had loads of missed calls and then called me.

• 12:48Speaker 02

  Generally, back of the car.

• 12:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:51Speaker 02

  Pillow, yeah.

• 12:53Speaker 03

  So where did you put the kids' seats? In the boot?

• 12:55Speaker 02

  Uh, just chuck them in the front. No, because they're, they're only boosters these days.

• 13:00Speaker 03

  Right, what's a kit these days? Were the kids, were the, um, so did you have a car key in there? Or was it just open?

• 13:07Speaker 02

  It was just open. But obviously the car can't move without the car key. So in a way.

• 13:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know it can't move, but I worry that the alarm's gonna go off. Sometimes, if I'm in the car without the key, you know, when you're at the petrol station?

• 13:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:18Speaker 03

  And someone goes in with a key, the alarm goes off, but I don't know why your alarm.

• 13:20Speaker 02

  Doesn't happen with ours.

• 13:22Speaker 03

  Right.

• 13:23Speaker 02

  So again, pillow, hadn't taken a coat to London because it's still so mild.

• 13:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah. Also, you hadn't planned on sleeping in your car.

• 13:32Speaker 02

  I hadn't planned on sleeping in my car. So I put on one jacket, like, you know, the kind of shacket kind of thing I wear.

• 13:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:40Speaker 02

  And I used another one as a duvet.

• 13:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:43Speaker 02

  Put my headphones in. I actually fell asleep. I couldn't believe it. I thought, there's no way I'm gonna sleep here, but what else can I do?

• 13:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:50Speaker 02

  If the car hadn't been open.

• 13:54Speaker 03

  Have I told you what my mate did at uni once?

• 13:56Speaker 02

  What?

• 13:56Speaker 03

  Because it was raining when this happened to him.

• 13:58Speaker 02

  Oh, God.

• 13:59Speaker 03

  So he got two wheelie bins.

• 14:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:02Speaker 03

  Put one, laid him on the floor, put his legs in one.

• 14:06Speaker 02

  And the head in the other.

• 14:07Speaker 03

  Then pulled the other one across and then had the lids as a roof. And slipped him in both of them.

• 14:15Speaker 02

  Fucking hell. I don't know what I'd have done. I'd have probably just gone round the back to the garden. I don't think I'd have been able to sleep on the lawn.

• 14:25Speaker 03

  You've just sat on a chair staring.

• 14:27Speaker 02

  No, I would have like laid down because I've got, I've got a pillow, so.

• 14:31Speaker 03

  Have you got a pillow, like a sun lounger like thing in the garden kind of chair? We've got like one that hasn't got a cushion on now because it's winter, but like, you could have, could have laid on that. A car's your best option.

• 14:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, car. Honestly, Rob, when the car opened, I felt like I was.

• 14:48Speaker 03

  Finally. What, what a couple of weeks you've had.

• 14:52Speaker 02

  I'm gonna say that. That's, that hasn't happened ever to Claudia Winkleman or Tess Daly.

• 15:00Speaker 03

  The funny thing is though, it, now, the press will have anything, so they'll be like, host sleeps in car.

• 15:07Speaker 02

  I know, but, but I thought that, right? I thought, oh God, if I tell this story, there's gonna be a new story of host sleeps in car because his wife won't let him in, strictly. But he's too funny not to tell.

• 15:23Speaker 03

  Well, look, the way I think is, Josh, whatever you say, it'll get twisted because that's just what the press did. So like, well, I put a photo up of us going to Stockholm, right? Sneaky, I said, three, two, three sneaky Sasquatches slip off to Sweden for the Spotify conference in Stockholm. And then there was an article that involved me and you that said comedian flees country after Strickland.

• 15:53Speaker 03

  And it was like, slips away in like brag, about like, you know, but that's how you, because I was, I was doing alliteration because of the sneaky Sasquatch. You've not even mentioned the sneaky Sasquatches. And I don't know why going to a conference is fleeing a pre-booked conference that has been booked in for months. Anyway, I think you're doing the right thing. Just tell the story now as it is. It's a funny story and then let them do what I want to do and then crack on.

• 16:17Speaker 02

  God, it's funny though. I honestly.

• 16:19Speaker 03

  So what time did you get in the house? About five-ish or something?

• 16:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then, oh, it gets worse. So I'd gone to sleep with my headphones in.

• 16:26Speaker 03

  Can't get worse going in the house.

• 16:28Speaker 02

  I'd gone to sleep with the headphones in.

• 16:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:31Speaker 02

  And then, um, I, when I got upstairs to my bed, because actually I had a bed this night as well. The heartbreak, Rob, is I had a bed for one night only. Because my daughter, my daughter had gone in with Rose and my son. So I had a bed waiting for me. When I got to the bed, I only had one earphone. I thought, I'll deal with that tomorrow. One of my headphones has fallen out.

• 16:56Speaker 03

  In the car?

• 16:57Speaker 02

  In the car.

• 16:58Speaker 03

  And can I ask you a question? Do you still have, because when we went to Paris, which is what, how many months ago now? Two months? Three months? July.

• 17:06Speaker 02

  Paris, so I thought you meant Stockholm.

• 17:08Speaker 03

  We went to Paris.

• 17:08Speaker 02

  Fleed the country to Paris.

• 17:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, when you flee the country.

• 17:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:12Speaker 03

  Three months ago? So July, August, September.

• 17:15Speaker 02

  France was ending.

• 17:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, so three months ago. And David, lovely producer on the show, gave you his.

• 17:23Speaker 02

  He's still got his headphone box.

• 17:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, he gave you his headphone box to charge your headphones because you've forgotten.

• 17:27Speaker 02

  It's his spare.

• 17:28Speaker 03

  It's his spare, spare. You know, it's not his spare. He's just said that to you to make you feel less guilty about taking it.

• 17:33Speaker 02

  No, because he hasn't chased it up.

• 17:34Speaker 03

  Well, I think, well, look, in David's defence, you've got bigger fish to fry.

• 17:40Speaker 02

  So is he, to be fair.

• 17:41Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 17:44Speaker 03

  So you, so, but you still haven't sent him his charging box?

• 17:47Speaker 02

  No, I've got to do that. It's difficult.

• 17:49Speaker 03

  It's not.

• 17:51Speaker 02

  It's not.

• 17:51Speaker 03

  Put it in a letter.

• 17:52Speaker 02

  Not the post office. Do you know what? They are so good because you can do any delivery from them. But, um, it gets, so then in the morning, I couldn't find the headphone in the back of the car.

• 18:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:02Speaker 02

  But I've got that thing on the headphones, find my headphones where you can get them to beep.

• 18:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:06Speaker 02

  So I could hear, I could hear it vaguely, but it wasn't in the car. So it was in the garden near the car. And we eventually found it and it, I'd had to go for a piss in the back of the flowerbed. You know, the classic.

• 18:23Speaker 02

  And there was a headphone. It was like, you know when they find something on a crime scene? There was just a headphone in the, in the flowerbed beeping away. So that was how I came down to it. And then, then I had to get up and, you know, get on with my day the next day.

• 18:40Speaker 03

  Live your life.

• 18:47Speaker 01

  The action's on the court and as the official beer sponsor of the NBA, Michelob Ultra is getting fans closer to the game with a chance to win courtside seats, merch and more. Visit michelobultra.com/courtside to enter. Michelob Ultra Courtside, 26 to 27. No purchase necessary. Open to US residents 21+ Begins on October 1st, 2026 and ends on June 30th, 2027. Multiple entry periods. See official rules at michelobultra.com/courtside for free entry, entry deadlines, prizes and details.

• 19:14Speaker 06

  Flowing ad budget on metrics that look great till the CFO sees them? That's bull spend and marketers are calling it out in Dashboard Confessions.

• 19:24Speaker 01

  I remember telling my boss, it'll be good for the brand when leads were slow. Yeah, it, it wasn't.

• 19:31Speaker 06

  Cut the bull spend. LinkedIn lets you target by company, job title and more. Advertise on LinkedIn. Spend $250 on your first campaign and get a $250 credit. Go to LinkedIn.com/campaign. Terms and conditions apply.

• 19:45Speaker 07

  This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. You can go deep, keep it on the ground or draw up something nobody sees coming. And whether you want to run a flea flicker or the tush push, you need a plan to fit your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you so they can help personalize coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

• 20:16Speaker 03

  Obviously you've been busy at work. How have you been? You've seen much of the kids?

• 20:19Speaker 02

  Of course. Well, obviously they came up strictly. So my son's still obsessed with Lego, Rob.

• 20:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:26Speaker 02

  And I don't really know how to manage it because he just wants more and more Lego.

• 20:30Speaker 03

  Well, there's two issues. One, it's quite expensive.

• 20:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:33Speaker 03

  To get a lot of it all the time. And then it's like, if he wants it all the time, it's not special for birthdays and Christmases.

• 20:38Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 20:39Speaker 03

  Secondly, it's messy. And when it's built, where do you store it all?

• 20:44Speaker 02

  Well, he wants a big shelf where he can have his whole Lego City.

• 20:47Speaker 03

  Right.

• 20:48Speaker 02

  His bedroom's ready.

• 20:51Speaker 02

  The problem is I like doing it with him. So.

• 20:54Speaker 03

  That's fine. That's the problem?

• 20:56Speaker 02

  Well, no, but yeah, but I'm like, oh, I'm really not, I really want to get the fucking Lego City roller coaster. I want to have a go at building that.

• 21:03Speaker 03

  Oh, and it's annoying because he'll want to build it?

• 21:05Speaker 02

  No, it's annoying because I'm like, I shouldn't just keep buying stuff. Do you know what I mean?

• 21:09Speaker 03

  No, if you enjoy it, go for it. I don't. It's fun. Do you know what? You should get the donkey.

• 21:15Speaker 02

  Have some joy in your life.

• 21:19Speaker 03

  Some of it's got to be fun. If, you know, you're, you're working very hard at the moment. You're doing well for yourself. Treat yourself to a bit of Lego, feel a bit of Lego.

• 21:26Speaker 02

  Treat myself to a bit of Lego.

• 21:28Speaker 03

  Why don't you make a Lego car and then build a little Josh Willinkum in the boot?

• 21:32Speaker 02

  In the boot.

• 21:34Speaker 03

  Sleeping.

• 21:35Speaker 02

  Do you know what?

• 21:36Speaker 03

  How was Rose when she woke up? Was she panicked?

• 21:38Speaker 02

  Because I looked the next morning.

• 21:40Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 21:41Speaker 02

  I was like, okay, where would I have slept? And I was like, okay, there's a piece of, there's like a, you know, like a large piece of cardboard, like an opened out box that builders have like opened out, stuck up against a wall there, like, I would have used that as my mattress.

• 22:04Speaker 03

  Do you, do you think you'll miss, miss it when there's no builders in and around your life? A bit like, you know, when people come back from war, they need some sort of decompression. Do you think you'll just go to B and Q every Saturday?

• 22:16Speaker 02

  I actually like, because I like them. So I like that.

• 22:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:20Speaker 02

  I like.

• 22:20Speaker 03

  And you liked Adrian?

• 22:22Speaker 02

  I loved Adrian. I like being in a bustling household.

• 22:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:28Speaker 03

  So you, but when it's all calm.

• 22:29Speaker 02

  My other option is silence at 1am outside the house and I'm stuck in the car.

• 22:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, but I don't think it's necessarily there are the two options in life, is it? You have builders in your house or you sleep in your car alone at 1am after a very busy weekend.

• 22:44Speaker 02

  Oh my word. What's going on? How was your week?

• 22:47Speaker 03

  Good weekend. We, oh, a couple of things. One, wired headphones are coming back in for younger people.

• 22:56Speaker 02

  Do you know what? I just saw.

• 22:59Speaker 03

  We are the trailblazer. It's proof. If you stick for something long enough.

• 23:03Speaker 02

  Of there's, this isn't footballing hell, but who's that midfielder man you signed that still hasn't played for them? Beloba or whatever he's called, right?

• 23:12Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. From Brighton. Yeah.

• 23:13Speaker 02

  Yeah. And he was wearing wired headphones. And I thought, that's weird. Literally 10 minutes ago. I thought, that's weird. He's got a lot of money. He can afford some non-wired headphones. So why are wired headphones coming back in?

• 23:27Speaker 03

  I don't know. I think one is like, they, they always work and you never have to charge them, which is annoying. Two, I think children will just do whatever the opposite of what their parents are doing.

• 23:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:38Speaker 03

  That's just human nature. So like we've actually, we've stuck with this long enough. We're coming, becoming cool again.

• 23:44Speaker 02

  Oh, wait. That's.

• 23:45Speaker 03

  I don't know why young people are wearing wired headphones. So I'll try and find out.

• 23:48Speaker 02

  Your kids are wearing wired headphones. Do your kids go in ear?

• 23:52Speaker 03

  Yeah. So they've got wired headphones more just because it's cheaper than getting, you know, our young, I don't, some people, some people don't like the Bluetooth extra shit going on in your head.

• 24:03Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 24:04Speaker 03

  Maybe that's the thing.

• 24:06Speaker 02

  It's fine.

• 24:09Speaker 03

  Greta. Sorry, Greta. Young people are wearing a mix of retro fashion statement, a rejection of constant digital connectivity and a practical choice to avoid charging high costs. Yeah. So I think it's a little bit of a F you, like, well, young people are quite anti-digital and AI and like everything's being over digitalized and you, because we've got the memories of like mad nights. Everything they do is sort of computerized.

• 24:33Speaker 02

  I know. I know. Everything we do is computerized, Rob.

• 24:36Speaker 03

  I know. We're bloody, we're part of the bloody digital problem. Right, guys?

• 24:40Speaker 02

  Exactly. Should we release this on vinyl?

• 24:43Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, let's, let's stop. Yeah, Michael, should we stop putting it out on Spotify and just do a vinyl drop? And then we'll do posters around London with a WhatsApp number and they have to message if they want to buy it?

• 24:52Speaker 02

  You've got a WhatsApp number, a landline number.

• 24:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, sorry. Of course. Yeah. Michael?

• 24:56Speaker 07

  Yeah, I'm up for that. Or we could just like release it live in a, like in the new forest that you have to drive in a van to get to like late at night.

• 25:04Speaker 03

  Like a listening party.

• 25:05Speaker 07

  Like an old rave. Yeah.

• 25:07Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 25:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, that'd be good.

• 25:09Speaker 03

  That's a good way to increase the logistics and lower the profit.

• 25:18Speaker 02

  Michael, without going into the stats.

• 25:21Speaker 03

  How many people could we get in that forest?

• 25:22Speaker 02

  Could you do some, could you do some maths on how many vinyls we'd need to sell for each episode to make it better to do this on vinyl?

• 25:31Speaker 03

  I mean, that's quite difficult for Michael because he's got to work out the cost of mass producing vinyl to per week on a turnaround period of we record it Monday morning and it needs to be pressed and sent to the new forest by the afternoon.

• 25:44Speaker 07

  Yeah. I mean, I won't lie. That's one of those requests. I'm just going to hope you forget about over the course of this episode.

• 25:52Speaker 03

  He's not going to do that.

• 25:53Speaker 02

  Okay, fine. Good.

• 25:54Speaker 03

  A couple of other things. I don't know if I'm getting older and weaker or jar lids are getting harder to undo.

• 26:00Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:00Speaker 03

  Really struggling at the moment with gherkins and marmite.

• 26:03Speaker 02

  What is your technique? Marmite, I always find all right, actually, because.

• 26:09Speaker 03

  Me too, but I don't know.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  Marmite is plastic and grippy.

• 26:13Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 26:14Speaker 02

  It's the metal ones I don't like.

• 26:16Speaker 03

  Well, that's what shocked me about the marmite because normally I'm fine with that. But the gherkin ones, I couldn't, we've had to give up on one jar. But the others, I'm just.

• 26:25Speaker 02

  Will you put it in hot water?

• 26:26Speaker 03

  You're supposed to put it in hot water?

• 26:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, surely Lou. I, I don't expect you to know that, but I thought Lou would know that.

• 26:32Speaker 03

  Why would I, why would Lou know that and I not know that?

• 26:34Speaker 02

  Because she's practical.

• 26:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm not very.

• 26:37Speaker 02

  You put it in the hot water and then the lid will expand. The metal will expand the lid.

• 26:41Speaker 03

  So, it's so funny. It was trying to sort out, talking about interior design stuff, like your building work. We're getting the office done. It's nearly done. Actually, we're just sorting out like carpets and colors and paint and stuff like that. And then we need some cupboards in there and like, they're going through it all and stuff. What about this or that? I'm like, yeah, sounds good. And so just a grin. She went, also we can have like a finish on it. So rather than just being plain, it could have like a pattern on it, a shape. I was like, yeah, pattern. What about that one? Like that? And then Karen talking. She's like, yeah. But you sure about that? Because I think that might look like this and might look like that. I just said to her, I'll be honest with you, I, I have zero opinion. I'm just looking like I'm engaged by picking one. And if you don't want to have that one, I'm absolutely fine with that. But I don't know what else to say because I've got no interest in it whatsoever. But I don't want to look dismissive or rude. So I'm inventing opinions.

• 27:25Speaker 02

  And what did she say?

• 27:26Speaker 03

  She went, fair enough. Should we go with what I want? I went, yes, please.

• 27:32Speaker 03

  I just, I can't, you know what I mean?

• 27:34Speaker 02

  Do you have anything the other way where she doesn't have an opinion?

• 27:37Speaker 03

  Um, not really. I don't know, really. I'm not, yeah, like dinner, what do you want for dinner? She couldn't care less. She'll just eat anything. So a loo's food's a bit more like fuel than it is.

• 27:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:48Speaker 03

  Oh, I'm gonna do this. You know what I mean? Like, if I just picked a dinner, she'd be like, yeah, fine, whatever. But, um, but it's like, I'm not, I don't want any of that old men that has no opinion or like.

• 27:58Speaker 02

  Oh, better than being an old man that has loads of opinions.

• 28:01Speaker 03

  No, but I, those people like Wayne Rooney documentary, I'm still plugging away with that. I deserve a Pride of Britain Award for that. Fucking hard going. Nothing happens. Nothing. Anyway, they go on holiday and, uh, Colleen's dad.

• 28:14Speaker 02

  Talk me through some of the nothings that have happened.

• 28:17Speaker 03

  Oh my God, fucking hell. Like, Colleen's got to go to Holland and Barrack. She's got a new range. Does she have a rope that corners off the area or not? Cause she wants to look like she's just in a shop, but it's a meet and greet, but some of the people are a bit.

• 28:31Speaker 02

  Oh, wow.

• 28:32Speaker 03

  She would, I just don't like a lot of attention on me, she says on her way to a PR event during a Colleen Rooney documentary.

• 28:42Speaker 02

  Also, it's your range.

• 28:45Speaker 03

  Yeah. And it's just like, oh, they talk about what her hair was like in the jungle. It was really nice haircut. And I'm like, I just don't know why I'm watching. Anyway, Colleen Rooney's dad, lovely bloke. They're all nice people, by the way. This is not.

• 28:58Speaker 02

  Lovely.

• 28:58Speaker 03

  And I think if they actually.

• 29:00Speaker 02

  That's the problem.

• 29:01Speaker 03

  If they actually allowed them to film their real lives, I think it'd be an incredible show because they're all quite fascinating. But I feel like we're getting the PR work exam. So it's like, if I did a documentary about my life, it'd be very interesting if I just let them run amuck in the house. But if I did it the Rooney way, it'd be like, oh my God, I've got to get the train to Manchester because tonight I've got to do Cats' Countdown with John Richardson. I've got to do maths. Oh, you know, I'm not very good at maths. And everyone's like, oh, fuck off. Do you know what I mean? You don't want to see losing the plot in the kitchen.

• 29:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:33Speaker 03

  Anyway, Colleen Rooney's dad has never packed a suitcase in his life for a holiday. He just turns up and his wife's done it all. I never will be want, wanna be one of those people. I think that's insane.

• 29:43Speaker 02

  So when they go, did you pack this yourself? He'd say, no.

• 29:46Speaker 03

  No, he has to go, no, Colleen Rooney's mum did, AKA my wife.

• 29:50Speaker 02

  They'd go, you've got to learn that first.

• 29:53Speaker 03

  He does that proper old school granddad dad thing where he walks up to the Rooney boys, puts one hand on their heads and then slaps the top of it like that. As in like, you're all right, mate. But not like, he's not eating him. He's just, he slapped his own hand, but on their head.

• 30:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:07Speaker 03

  And that's a different, that's an old school. I've not seen that for years.

• 30:10Speaker 02

  How old is Colleen Rooney's dad?

• 30:12Speaker 03

  Sixties. Well, she is only, like, she's.

• 30:15Speaker 02

  Yeah. So they're younger than us, Wayne and Colleen Rooney.

• 30:17Speaker 03

  Yes. I think they're like, yeah, I think he's four. I think Rooney's exactly my age and you're three years older than us, aren't you? I mean, me and Rudy don't look like the same age, do we?

• 30:28Speaker 02

  No.

• 30:29Speaker 03

  Well, he does look, he looks, he looks a lot better now since he's stopped. I think he's stopped drinking and.

• 30:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:34Speaker 03

  Been in the gym. He looks great. But during this documentary, he definitely looks like he likes a beer. I cannot believe how much I've talked about this Rooney documentary. I just, I've just committed. I'm this far in now.

• 30:44Speaker 02

  How many episodes is it?

• 30:45Speaker 03

  I just can't watch them drive around on quad bikes on their massive garden anymore. Yeah, I get it. They have fun.

• 30:56Speaker 02

  Have you done the Kylie one? I'm watching Kylie.

• 30:58Speaker 03

  No, I haven't seen the Kylie documentary. No, but, um, we've, um, we tried to watch Hook with the kids, but they got bored. It's quite scary when Hook like sneaks in the house.

• 31:08Speaker 02

  But wasn't Hook quite shit when it came out?

• 31:11Speaker 03

  Hook's great. How dare you take that mouth.

• 31:13Speaker 02

  Bad.

• 31:14Speaker 03

  No, it was great.

• 31:15Speaker 02

  Oh, okay, fine.

• 31:16Speaker 03

  Inspiring, inspiring. Great. Um, no, we've banned this big parenting hell chat, this is, and then we'll get to Christmas. The Beckett have banned Roblox.

• 31:26Speaker 02

  Have they?

• 31:27Speaker 03

  Yeah. Gone.

• 31:29Speaker 02

  How did that go down?

• 31:30Speaker 03

  Well, we try to explain to the girls why we don't feel comfortable with stuff. So the same way as I, we don't mind them watching YouTubers. We don't like them having unfit access to YouTube.

• 31:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:42Speaker 03

  Because it's, everyone uploads everything. So you don't know, I can't trust it. It's like me saying.

• 31:47Speaker 02

  This ginger shot, Rob.

• 31:48Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, go on.

• 31:48Speaker 02

  I don't want to, I don't want to, you know.

• 31:50Speaker 03

  Still, still, still.

• 31:51Speaker 02

  Show you that I can just open it like that.

• 31:53Speaker 03

  Oh, powerful hand. You sure you're ill? You look strong.

• 31:58Speaker 03

  Get it down, yeah.

• 32:00Speaker 03

  Just watching Josh drink a ginger shot. Yeah. There you go.

• 32:04Speaker 02

  Awful, isn't it?

• 32:05Speaker 03

  Yeah. Why didn't you have like a milkshake or a yop or something?

• 32:08Speaker 02

  Well, it wouldn't cure me like this well.

• 32:10Speaker 03

  No, but that hasn't cured you. At least it'll be nice. Nice, good cold yop.

• 32:15Speaker 02

  Carry on then.

• 32:17Speaker 03

  Um, yeah. So we said, look, with Roblox, we don't really know what you're playing because anyone can upload a game. You're floating around going on any game you want, potentially. And also, even if we okay a game, because the game can be updated, it could change next week. So it's just a bit of a lottery. Um, but, so what I said was, I'd rather just pay for games. So if you wanted a new game for the Switch, I'll buy you a game. If you wanted a game for the, um, if like iPad thing, I'd rather just pay it. But actually, we didn't realise, we've got access, I think Lou signed up to some sort of Apple thing. We have access to Apple Arcade.

• 32:57Speaker 02

  That's what we do, Apple Arcade.

• 32:59Speaker 03

  And guess what they're on?

• 33:01Speaker 02

  What? Oh, yes. You sneaky little Sasquatches.

• 33:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, you, I've been influenced by you. You're an influencer. The, the kids are sneaking around a Sasquatch.

• 33:10Speaker 02

  There we go. There we go. Did you push that on them?

• 33:14Speaker 03

  No, I just said, go on there and see what games you like. And then it was the first one I went, how about a bit of sneaky Sasquatch? Like, because it made me laugh. And I went, yeah, all right. So they just went on it. So, but what's good about it is there's loads of different games and they're closed. So other people can't be, and the game don't change, does it? It's just. So, yeah, we're on that. So thank you for that. A bit of advice, Joshua.

• 33:37Speaker 01

  The action's on the court and as the official beer sponsor of the NBA, Michelob Ultra is getting fans closer to the game with a chance to win courtside seats, merch and more. Visit michelobultra.com/courtside to enter. Michelob Ultra Courtside, twenty six to twenty seven. No purchase necessary. Open to US residents, twenty one plus. Begins on October first, twenty twenty six and ends on June thirty of twenty twenty seven. Multiple entry periods. See official rules at michelobultra.com/courtside for free entry, entry deadlines, prizes and details.

• 34:04Speaker 06

  Flowing ad budget on metrics that look great till the CFO sees them. That's bull spend and marketers are calling it out in. Dashboard confessions.

• 34:14Speaker 01

  I remember telling my boss, it'll be good for the brand when leads were slow. Yeah, it, it wasn't.

• 34:22Speaker 06

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• 34:36Speaker 01

  This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. You can go deep, keep it on the ground or draw up something nobody sees coming. And whether you want to run a flea flicker or the tush push, you need a plan to fit your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you so they can help personalize coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

• 35:07Speaker 02

  Um, Rob.

• 35:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:09Speaker 02

  I know what I want for Christmas.

• 35:11Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 35:12Speaker 02

  So this is a bit of unrelatable content, Rob.

• 35:17Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 35:18Speaker 02

  But, um, I wasn't feeling very well. And when I was in a hotel in London, I got a vitamin C drip.

• 35:24Speaker 03

  Oh, yes. I've had one of them on tour when I was, when you're ill, it really sorts you out.

• 35:30Speaker 02

  So they, you, you kind of.

• 35:32Speaker 03

  Just vitamin C.

• 35:34Speaker 02

  I had vitamin C, paracetamol drip because it works better from a drip.

• 35:39Speaker 03

  In America, they have them for hangovers in Vegas and places in LA.

• 35:43Speaker 02

  Um, and, um, just rehydration.

• 35:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:47Speaker 02

  Same old solution or whatever that would be, right? And so, but also, Rob, the woman who did it, yeah.

• 35:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:56Speaker 02

  She had these things called, um, leg compression trousers.

• 36:02Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 36:03Speaker 02

  Maybe they weren't called trousers. And they, you put your legs in them.

• 36:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:07Speaker 02

  Oh man, it's so good. It just squeezes different bits of your legs to get your circulation going.

• 36:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:15Speaker 02

  It's the best.

• 36:16Speaker 03

  Really? Was that in down in Exeter or in London?

• 36:19Speaker 02

  In London. I don't think I've got to Exeter. I said to Rose.

• 36:22Speaker 03

  I had one in Bristol when I was on tour. No, not like, but I had, I was, I was ill and exhausted and I've obviously was taking my medicine, but, um, if you do these drips, it basically puts all the vitamins your body needs. So it gives you that little bit. Even if it is a little bit, um, of a placebo, that night when I went on stage, I gave everyone a really good show. So, you know, whatever works, you know? Cause they're expensive, but not if you factor in, I've got two thousand people waiting for a show tonight. It's worth rolling the dice on something that might help.

• 36:54Speaker 02

  Yeah. And so I've asked Rose some leg compression trousers for Christmas.

• 36:59Speaker 03

  No, so you're only on compression trousers.

• 37:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:03Speaker 03

  It's, it's mad how you can go from a spa in London, get on a vitamin drip with leg compression trousers. And now then you're sleeping in your boot and you can't.

• 37:11Speaker 02

  I know. My life is kind of.

• 37:13Speaker 03

  Oh, I like it. So that, these ones are like, I'm, I'm getting between a hundred and fifty and three hundred pounds here.

• 37:19Speaker 02

  Yeah. I mean, they go up in value depending on what you want them to do.

• 37:23Speaker 03

  State of the art, dynamic air compression technology just squeezes your legs.

• 37:27Speaker 02

  When, I'll tell you what it feels like. You know, when you have your pulse, not your, your, your blood pressure taken.

• 37:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, it just squeezes it.

• 37:35Speaker 02

  It just, so it'll do your feet and then it'll do your, your shin calf area and then it'll go up.

• 37:39Speaker 03

  So you're going to get these little trousers. When are you going to do it, do you reckon? When would you like it? A Sunday morning?

• 37:44Speaker 02

  Watching TV.

• 37:45Speaker 03

  That's a great idea.

• 37:46Speaker 02

  Just pop on the old leg compressors, get the circulation going.

• 37:52Speaker 03

  Would you pack them for tour?

• 37:54Speaker 02

  Would I pack them for tour? No, I wouldn't pack them for tour.

• 37:57Speaker 03

  You've got your pillow under my arm, your leg compression trousers on the other.

• 38:00Speaker 02

  Oh, it would be nice. It would be nice.

• 38:03Speaker 03

  Um, yeah, I'll definitely give that a go. I've never had a go in that. Cause we've got the, I bought Lou the, um, mark, the, the, you know, like, not blindfold, the, uh, like sleep mask that does that. It's incredible. Just sort of massages your head.

• 38:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:16Speaker 03

  Oh, lovely. Look at you.

• 38:18Speaker 02

  It's great. Oh, it's so good, Rob. Can't wait for Christmas now. Not long.

• 38:23Speaker 03

  That'd be a fun thing to get out as well, Christmas Day.

• 38:26Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 38:26Speaker 03

  After dinner, get your legs compressed.

• 38:28Speaker 02

  Get my legs compressed.

• 38:30Speaker 03

  Um, what else is going on? My daughter's in the netball team, but I keep missing the games because I'm working, which is annoying.

• 38:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:36Speaker 03

  Um, I got, uh, went out Saturday night for dinner with some friends and I got, I got, I swerved a hangover with my new drink, drinking technique.

• 38:46Speaker 02

  Yeah. What's that?

• 38:47Speaker 03

  Well, I couldn't find mezcal, I suppose, but I, I could only find tequila. Just staying on that with ginger ale or sparkling water and lime, loads of ice. It's sort of like, I was fine.

• 38:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, tequila is about a hangover, isn't it?

• 39:01Speaker 03

  Yeah. And then I went to bed, we got back late. I went to bed at two AM. Guess what time I slept till?

• 39:08Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 39:09Speaker 03

  Ten forty AM.

• 39:10Speaker 02

  Ten forty?

• 39:11Speaker 03

  Ten forty AM.

• 39:13Speaker 02

  Where were your children?

• 39:14Speaker 03

  They were chilling downstairs, getting slightly angry because no one had done a breakfast.

• 39:17Speaker 02

  Where was Lou?

• 39:18Speaker 03

  Lou was up, Lou got up early, she was with them, but she was really hungover because she mixed drinks. And then, but then I was hungover.

• 39:26Speaker 02

  That was said with quite a lot of judgement there, Rob.

• 39:28Speaker 03

  No, no, not but judgement, just sort of disappointment that she sort of didn't manage to get a handle on, uh, which, and she knows that. She hands up. She did red wine, rum punch and margarita. It's a mad mix.

• 39:41Speaker 02

  Fuck me. Fuck me. I, I.

• 39:43Speaker 03

  Well, I stuck to one. And then I still, the next day I went, I took the dogs for a walk around the park for an hour and a half. And the kids on a bike ride, all in the new car. And then, um, came back and then I played football last night with the school dads.

• 39:56Speaker 02

  Did you?

• 39:57Speaker 03

  And my, my body, I feel like, you know, when the old boy gets beaten up, he only fools and horses.

• 40:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:03Speaker 03

  I'm a mess. Everything hurts. That's awful. Loved it though.

• 40:07Speaker 02

  Loved it. Well, here's, here's some things, Rob.

• 40:09Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 40:10Speaker 02

  Um, I, cause I've, I've joined the dad's football WhatsApp group, you know that, but I haven't been available two Mondays, but I am available next Monday.

• 40:18Speaker 03

  So it's Mondays. You can't do tonight, but you've got, what have you got tonight?

• 40:21Speaker 02

  So I've got a TV show tonight, then I'm coming back, uh, tomorrow.

• 40:25Speaker 03

  So you come back Tuesday morning?

• 40:26Speaker 02

  I've got, I've got a meeting Tuesday morning and then I'm coming back after that.

• 40:30Speaker 03

  Nice. Okay.

• 40:31Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then.

• 40:32Speaker 03

  When does last leg start?

• 40:36Speaker 03

  How are you feeling about your autumn and your workload?

• 40:39Speaker 02

  Loving it. Loving it. Um, last leg starts back on the sixteenth of October.

• 40:45Speaker 03

  Um, what else you got going on?

• 40:46Speaker 02

  What else have I got going on, Rob?

• 40:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:48Speaker 02

  Well, I'm trying to do less. So I've got a, I've got a train journey coming up, Rob.

• 40:53Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 40:54Speaker 02

  I'm going to try and do nothing on the train journey.

• 40:56Speaker 03

  What do you normally do on the train journey?

• 40:58Speaker 02

  Emails or work or some, do you know what I mean?

• 41:02Speaker 03

  What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? Book? Read a, you like reading a book? Read a book. Just read a book. Turn your phone off, read a book.

• 41:10Speaker 02

  I'm gonna turn my phone off, read a book.

• 41:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:13Speaker 02

  What do you think about that?

• 41:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Yeah.

• 41:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:17Speaker 03

  I wouldn't say it's a revolutionary idea.

• 41:21Speaker 03

  I wouldn't say you're dropping some sort of mad, like, you're going to meditate for five hours before each show, kind of. I'm like, oh, okay, seems quite long. You're all right. You're going to read a book. I mean, really, it's like, you know, maybe we should go to correspondence if we're at that part of the episode.

• 41:41Speaker 03

  Be honest with ourselves, maybe it's time to slip into some back and forth from the listeners.

• 41:45Speaker 02

  I think you're right.

• 41:47Speaker 03

  Ironically, I'm holding a key in this episode. Are you subconsciously clinging on to that due to your experience?

• 41:51Speaker 02

  We've discussed, I'm in a new office.

• 41:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're in an, so I've got the black curtain. People aren't enjoying this black curtain, by the way. It's too.

• 41:58Speaker 02

  Too boring.

• 41:59Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, it does open though, which is quite fun. So if you ever had a guest, we could be like.

• 42:03Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:04Speaker 03

  And they could just like peek through the.

• 42:06Speaker 02

  Coming through the curtain.

• 42:07Speaker 03

  There's Amor Rajan. Um, oh, by the way, I'm not talking about traitors because we're recording this a little bit in advance. Don't want to give any spoilers away.

• 42:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course, of course.

• 42:15Speaker 03

  The best thing about being on traitors is if, when people come and try and talk to you about traitors, I just go, no spoilers and walk away.

• 42:24Speaker 02

  That's perfect. Cause you can't do that for other people. You can't, someone can't go, I love Rob and Romesh.

• 42:31Speaker 03

  No spoilers.

• 42:35Speaker 03

  So it's great. Honestly, I really enjoy it because I basically, as soon as I mentioned it, I go, no spoiler. And also I think there's some people that don't really understand what traitors is, because someone shouted at me from a window, are you a traitor? And I'm, and it's very clear from the start who is.

• 42:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:50Speaker 03

  It's like, what, what, why? That's not a question after episode one.

• 42:53Speaker 02

  What would be quite fun on traitors is if you could watch a different version where you don't get to see who the traitors are.

• 43:02Speaker 03

  I think they might have tried that. There was a secret one to the order.

• 43:06Speaker 02

  Just like, so they put out two versions. You can decide whether you want to know the traitors or not.

• 43:10Speaker 03

  Right. Correspondence?

• 43:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:12Speaker 03

  Hi, as the owner of very narrow feet, I've suffered with massive long shoelaces ruining my life.

• 43:18Speaker 02

  But I've got wide feet. I've got broad feet.

• 43:21Speaker 03

  Well, uh, well, replacing the laces on all shoes is annoying and sometimes it's hard to find the right match. I invested in an Aiglet kit. Aiglet kit? Aiglet kit. A few years ago, which has solved the problem. Just cut one end of the shoelace off, apply the new cap and age it to the end of the lace and stop fraying and crimp it on the, using the tool. Right. So Josh, this is what you buy. So you don't have to take the whole lace off.

• 43:45Speaker 02

  Spelling it?

• 43:47Speaker 03

  Um, A, A I G L E T. So it's forty quid, right?

• 43:54Speaker 02

  Fucking hell.

• 43:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, but it'll save you looking like a fucking moron all the time.

• 44:00Speaker 03

  So it's forty quid.

• 44:01Speaker 02

  Forty quid to chop off a shoelace?

• 44:04Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no, no, no. It, listen, you chop the shoelace off just with scissors. And this is like a little machine that then puts a new end on.

• 44:12Speaker 02

  Right.

• 44:13Speaker 03

  So what you can do is chop.

• 44:14Speaker 02

  A G L E T?

• 44:15Speaker 03

  A G L E T. A ha, aged it crimping tool. So you could basically tie a lace and then go, right, okay, if I took off two inches of that, then it would be fine. This could change your life, Josh.

• 44:29Speaker 02

  Oh my God, I can't.

• 44:31Speaker 03

  You've got to do it. You've got to get it just for the pod. Put it on the pod. They do blue ones, yellow ones, orange ones.

• 44:36Speaker 02

  Okay. They're not forty quid. You can get them for a tenner.

• 44:39Speaker 03

  Okay. Well, the, okay, Josh, right. Fine. I don't know why you're pleading some sort of fucking poverty that you can't do forty quid on your shoes, right? Yeah, you get, you can afford, yeah. So just, you sat there drinking ginger shots in your office, like fucking Stephen Bartlett. Surely you can get an Aiglet.

• 44:54Speaker 02

  Fuck.

• 44:56Speaker 02

  All my money's gone on my leg, my leg compression trousers.

• 44:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, we got, you're compressing your laces, your legs, you love Lego. We're obsessed with legs, mate. What's going on? You're gonna have a string of two words. That's quite fun. And then you can, and then they're always short enough.

• 45:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:12Speaker 03

  I'm sure Ro, even, I'm, I'm sure Rose would happily sort of volunteer to do that job.

• 45:19Speaker 02

  I don't know if she would.

• 45:21Speaker 03

  Ring her and find out.

• 45:23Speaker 02

  I'm not gonna ring her and find out.

• 45:27Speaker 02

  Next to you, Rob.

• 45:28Speaker 03

  Right. Show Josh, what do you want? Temporary, permanent? Show Josh the internet?

• 45:33Speaker 02

  Temporary, permanent.

• 45:34Speaker 03

  Okay, there we go. Hello, Rob, Josh and Michael. We moved into our home seven years ago. To get into the house, we have a front door that goes into a little porch area. Then from the porch, there is another front door that goes into our actual house.

• 45:45Speaker 02

  Classic.

• 45:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, we go.

• 45:46Speaker 02

  Classic porch.

• 45:47Speaker 03

  So you've explained a porch.

• 45:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:53Speaker 03

  There's also some things that go up in height as little blocks that enable us to reach our second level. Stairs. Now, we didn't realise at the time that it, we didn't realise at the time that both doors will lock behind you as soon as they shut.

• 46:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:10Speaker 03

  Now, after a miscommunication about who had the keys, that very first night in our new home, we went out to collect our food and the door porch slammed behind us. So we were now stuck in this tiny little porch and no way of getting in or out of our new house.

• 46:24Speaker 02

  Oh, no, with or without the food.

• 46:27Speaker 03

  We thought about calling a locksmith, but we were so skin off after the cost of buying the house. We didn't want to pay for it. And of course, it being our first night in the house, none of our family had a spare key. After a bit of arguing back and forth about whose fault it was, we realised that our tool bag was in a box inside the porch with us. And inside that was a hammer. Next to the porch into the house door was a pane of glass. So we, it did, the only thing that wouldn't cost us as much money was to smash the pane of glass to allow us to reach round and open the door from the inside, thinking that we would sort the problem tomorrow. We cleared up the glass, I covered the hole with smashing an Amazon box that I'd ripped up and we carried on with our lives for the next six and a half years.

• 47:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, classic, classic.

• 47:05Speaker 03

  That's right. For the next six and a half years, that pane of glass had a hole in it, which was covered by an Amazon box. Occasionally we would discuss getting it fixed, but neither of us made any moves. This makes you feel so much better about all those niggling little jobs that you ever got done. Occasionally we discussed going to fix, but neither of us could be bothered. Luckily, my uncle came around one day, told us we were being ridiculous and made me order the pane of glass and then fixed it for us the very next week. Wouldn't recommend it. It made our house bloody freezing in the winter.

• 47:36Speaker 03

  Lovely stuff.

• 47:37Speaker 02

  Great, great stuff. It's a great feature. Talking of great features, Rob.

• 47:42Speaker 03

  My chin, my jaw.

• 47:45Speaker 02

  Small business shout out.

• 47:47Speaker 03

  Now it's time for small business shout outs brought to you by Vista Print, your expert print partner to help bring your ideas to life. Stickers are great for small businesses because if you make a good one, people actually stick it on their laptop or water bottle, although with kids.

• 48:00Speaker 02

  That is a good call, Rob. That is a good call.

• 48:02Speaker 03

  But with kids, Josh, you may find your logo permanently attached to the toilet or car window. I've got, I've got, I've got stickers on my laptop.

• 48:11Speaker 02

  The toilet is a place where people are most open to their thoughts, to reading things.

• 48:16Speaker 03

  Normally it's a travelling away day football team.

• 48:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, of course.

• 48:21Speaker 03

  Hi, Josh, Rob and Michael. I listened to Parenting Hell for years, so naturally when Football in Hell come along, I felt perfect. Somewhere else I can try and get a shameless plug in for my husband's business. He owns a small business called Zapcam, supplying custom football kits and T-Wear to clubs across the country. He's worked incredibly hard since he was very young, so young in fact that the name Zapcam is actually a combination of two Pokemon names. He, Rick, God, wow, look at this. It's named his business after Pokemon names. God, and he's got a girl, he's got a wife. Jesus. He's recently opened a second office in Berkshire alongside the Gloucestershire base and shout out would mean the world to us. Have a look at zapcam.com or zapcamofficial on social. Right, I'm on

• 49:06Speaker 03

  Zapcam here. I'm gonna have a little look, Josh. Oh, so you can make, here we go, so four kids. Design your own kit. You can design your own kit on the website, Josh.

• 49:16Speaker 02

  There you go. Really nice, Rob.

• 49:19Speaker 03

  Oh, this is fun. I could just do it and never even order one.

• 49:22Speaker 02

  Rob, Josh and Michael, you sexy bastards, would love to give my friend a small business shout out. She would never do it for herself. Like the great Hendrick Lamar once said, she is hashtag humble. The incredible mom of two, Harry, a corporate powerhouse by day and a creative wizard by night. She's the mastermind behind the enchanting world of the Glitter Braid Bar. Little girl party packages of dreams. She offers so many party services such as glitter, bubble braids and sparkle. She creates all her stock by hand from the comfort of her home after finishing her nine to five. Based in Kent but covers a lot of the South East, she transformed birthday parties and special events into unforgettable celebrations filled with magic and whimsy. Follow her at Glitter Braid

• 50:06Speaker 02

  Bar, at Glitter Braid Bar on Instagram. Witness the magic she creates for all the little beauties out there. Thanks, Lucy from Kent.

• 50:15Speaker 03

  Lovely.

• 50:16Speaker 02

  Vistaprint.co.uk. Print your possible. To get 15% off your first Vista Print order, visit vistaprint.co.uk and use the code PARENTINGHILL15.

• 50:30Speaker 01

  This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. You can go deep, keep it on the ground, or draw up something nobody sees coming. And whether you want to run a flea flicker or the tush push, you need a plan to fit your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you, so they can help personalize coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

• 50:59Speaker 01

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• 51:30Speaker 01

  Does anyone know where the bass is?

• 51:33Speaker 06

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