⚽ El Sackio and the Man City Transfer Draft Punishment⚽

The Premier League is back (thank f*ck!) but the Man City cheating controversy rumbles on. We decide a way to punish them for their indiscretions. Elsehwere we ponder which former Manchester City manager has the hairest bottom? We check in with Spurs fan Bill off the back of a 1-1 draw between Spurs and Man United (AKA El Sackio) And there's Cristiano Ronaldo's very bizarre press release. Enjoy! If you want to get in touch with the show you can; Email us: [email protected] And follow us on Instagram and Tiktok: @footballinghell FPL team -⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ join the Footballing / Parenting Hell mini league ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ LEAGUE CODE: 1a5fc7 Leave us a 5* review and subscribe to the podcast please. You know the score by now. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Footballing Hell ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Monday (don't worry - it's business as usual on Tuesday and Friday with the usual Parenting Hell episodes) A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:41Speaker 03

  Hello, you're listening to Football in Hell with

• 1:44Speaker 04

  Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe. Good luck with the podcast.

• 1:48Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:49Speaker 05

  They're a laugh.

• 1:50Speaker 03

  They've got, they're in the media. We'll hear it again.

• 1:52Speaker 05

  With the podcast. It's nice to hear.

• 1:55Speaker 06

  Got a series of clues if you can't get it, which is very difficult.

• 1:58Speaker 03

  Let's go and get one more and then we'll get some clues.

• 2:00Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 2:01Speaker 05

  Danny drink water.

• 2:03Speaker 03

  I know that voice, but I'm going to need a clue.

• 2:06Speaker 06

  Okay. So same rules as before. I'll give you a clue. If you guess and you're incorrect, then you're eliminated.

• 2:12Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 2:13Speaker 06

  Okay. First, first clue. I began my career at Fulham in 1982. And despite being five foot seven, started as a centre back. After 153 games for Fulham, I moved to QPR in 1987.

• 2:27Speaker 05

  Still as a centre back?

• 2:29Speaker 06

  I can't confirm more tonight.

• 2:31Speaker 05

  I know who it is.

• 2:33Speaker 03

  From that?

• 2:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think I do. Cause I recognise the voice now.

• 2:37Speaker 03

  That's Josh's era.

• 2:39Speaker 05

  It's Paul Parker.

• 2:41Speaker 06

  Correct.

• 2:42Speaker 03

  Jesus Christ.

• 2:43Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 2:44Speaker 06

  Wow. That's impressive.

• 2:46Speaker 03

  Almost stalker level impressive.

• 2:48Speaker 05

  Yes, please.

• 2:49Speaker 03

  Cause he didn't even get to the Man United stuff.

• 2:52Speaker 05

  No, but he's short.

• 2:53Speaker 03

  Yeah. No, Josh, that is some sort of Rain Man shit.

• 2:57Speaker 05

  Just, I'm sorry.

• 2:58Speaker 03

  I feel like a period that you weren't even alive for. When was you born?

• 3:03Speaker 05

  1983, the year after Paul Parker started his career as a centre back for Fulham.

• 3:07Speaker 03

  Yeah. So I feel like from 1982 to up to like 2000, you had some sort of alien intervention where you remembered everything that ever happened, but then your brain was full and then nothing else went in.

• 3:21Speaker 05

  Correct. I've got, so I love the eighties. I'm fascinated by the eighties. I don't, I don't see Paul Parker as an eighties figure though. I see him as a nineties figure.

• 3:35Speaker 03

  Where'd you recognise his voice from, Josh?

• 3:37Speaker 05

  Cause he often does stuff. So he'd often be like, when Man U sack a manager, Paul Parker would be the person that they'd speak to. Do you know what I mean? He's, he's a

• 3:47Speaker 03

  I literally never heard him speak or seen him.

• 3:49Speaker 05

  Come on, Michael, back me up here.

• 3:51Speaker 06

  Yeah, there was a period where he would turn up on sort of slightly bleak Zoom calls to be a mouthpiece of something to do with United. Yeah.

• 3:59Speaker 03

  Um, thank you, Michael. Good work. If you get some more of them, any footballers listening, want to send them in, let us know.

• 4:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:05Speaker 03

  We need the clues though. After, you know, let's call that the Ridgewell law.

• 4:09Speaker 05

  The Ridgewell law. Um, it's been a big week of football, Rob.

• 4:14Speaker 03

  Do you know what, Josh? It is

• 4:16Speaker 05

  Or has it? Is it all totally meaningless? Well, it is.

• 4:20Speaker 03

  Well, can I say, I, I find football really fun and silly and soap opera-y. But watching the Man City game, I enjoyed all the jeering and, you know, that ooh, when they pass the ball and then the crowd were shouting, gee, did you hear that?

• 4:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:34Speaker 03

  Did you watch the game?

• 4:35Speaker 05

  Not.

• 4:36Speaker 03

  No, of course you didn't.

• 4:37Speaker 05

  Cause it's meaningless.

• 4:38Speaker 03

  Well, it, yes, it is, it is and it isn't. I watched it and I quite enjoyed all the jeering and the songs and stuff like that. And then I felt sorry for the Man City fans. Cause like, it's not their fault. Someone's brought them out. The owners need to go. I think as part of the points deduction, whatever it is. However, when they did close ups of them holding up bananas and doing like,

• 5:00Speaker 05

  I love the bananas.

• 5:01Speaker 03

  You know, like that, that money.

• 5:02Speaker 05

  Oh, were they doing that?

• 5:03Speaker 03

  That I didn't like. Bananas I liked because they go, look, we were here before them. This is an eighties thing. You love the eighties.

• 5:09Speaker 05

  I loved the banana. You can only imagine how much I love the bananas, Rob.

• 5:12Speaker 03

  Of course you love the bananas. Um, and for the, for the, not for the bad reason of the eighties.

• 5:17Speaker 05

  No, just to be very clear.

• 5:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:20Speaker 05

  Just to be very clear.

• 5:21Speaker 03

  These are inflatable bananas that they brought.

• 5:22Speaker 05

  Inflatable bananas because of the inflatable banana craze of the eighties.

• 5:25Speaker 03

  Yeah. Nothing to do with racial abuse.

• 5:28Speaker 05

  No, just to be very clear.

• 5:30Speaker 03

  Exactly. So I was watching the football. It was actually quite a good game up until the sending off, which I thought was very, very harsh.

• 5:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 5:37Speaker 03

  But then Man City just scored three amazing goals and I was just like, oh, that's just because you've cheated. And the reason you've got Haaland is because you've cheated in the past.

• 5:49Speaker 05

  Lance Armstrong peeled away from the peloton and just

• 5:53Speaker 03

  Banana reference?

• 5:54Speaker 05

  Banana reference.

• 5:57Speaker 03

  But I was just like, yeah, you are good because you've cheated to get all these players. Cause I looked at the squad. I was like, hang on. So Man City didn't win the league last year.

• 6:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:06Speaker 03

  But then between January transfer window and then the summer transfer, they've bought Crystal Palace's best player in Mark Gaye. They've bought Bournemouth's best player, one of the league's best players in Semenyo. They've bought the best young midfielder in the world in Elliot Anderson from another rival. People used to buy players off their rivals once a generation or once every 10 years. Like Van Persie going to Man United was like a big, but that Man City for 15 years have basically just gone, right, we've got all this extra money because we've invented a new system to get money. And now we're just going to buy everyone's best players. And it's like, oh.

• 6:40Speaker 05

  Yeah. Do you know what it reminds me of? Do you know what it reminds me of, Rob?

• 6:44Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 6:45Speaker 05

  Did you ever cheat on a computer game? Did you ever use the editing tool to make?

• 6:49Speaker 03

  Yeah. It feels hollow.

• 6:51Speaker 05

  It feels so hollow, doesn't it?

• 6:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:54Speaker 05

  It feels absolute, you'd either make your stats really good on players or you'd like put all the good players on your team.

• 7:03Speaker 03

  We're supposed to be watching a charity game now.

• 7:04Speaker 05

  Yeah, it is. It's like soccer.

• 7:06Speaker 03

  Of course they're going to do that because you've got all those best players because it's unfair.

• 7:10Speaker 05

  Yeah. And we've got, we've got Mark Wright and, you know,

• 7:15Speaker 03

  We've got Mark Wright and Robbie Williams is best mate here kicking off.

• 7:18Speaker 05

  Exactly.

• 7:19Speaker 03

  And they've got to do something about it because it actually is completely ruined the league now.

• 7:23Speaker 05

  I think, I, I'm going to say this.

• 7:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:26Speaker 05

  I think Man City fans deep in their heart want to be punished because

• 7:32Speaker 03

  A hundred percent. They have to be.

• 7:33Speaker 05

  The only way they can regain, because what we're looking at here, right? And it was fun. It was for two weeks. It was fun, but now this is what's going to happen.

• 7:45Speaker 03

  Ruining the league. Yeah.

• 7:46Speaker 05

  It's ruining the league. Um, people are starting to question whether football matters, which obviously I find hilarious.

• 7:53Speaker 03

  But it's mad that people are just realising.

• 7:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:55Speaker 03

  It's all of that. It's all a fucking pointless bit of drama to distract you from death. And it gives you, it gives people a little bit of routine to stop them thinking about their own lives for too long.

• 8:06Speaker 05

  Wait a minute. Was, was the Manchester City treble meaningless? Yeah.

• 8:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:10Speaker 05

  Even if they didn't cheat, it's meaningless. The whole thing's meaningless.

• 8:14Speaker 03

  I don't think my wife loves me and I've got no deep connection with the kids. Hold up, Coventry are playing Newcastle. Let's watch that for two hours and try and pretend I care. Good atmosphere, isn't it? Coventry, home game on a Monday night under the lights. I hate myself. Don't worry. Champions League's back. Watch this. It's a completely pointless. It goes on forever. Yeah. Don't let that get in the way though, mate. This is distracting you. And you know what's worse than this? Your life.

• 8:43Speaker 05

  Oh God. So, yeah. But the problem we've got, Rob.

• 8:48Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 8:49Speaker 05

  So you know the Manchester City banner? Bit of fun. No, sorry. Manchester United banner that they've done.

• 8:54Speaker 03

  About how many league years since they've won anything? Is that right?

• 8:57Speaker 05

  It's a bit of fun.

• 8:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:59Speaker 05

  Yeah. Yeah. I, you know, we all enjoyed it on Friday when it was announced, but it does tell us where this is going, which is forever a discussion, a pointless discussion forever over whether Manchester City won those leagues.

• 9:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:21Speaker 05

  In which Manchester City fans say they won six leagues or whatever it was, eight. And everyone else says they didn't win any. And that goes on forever.

• 9:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:32Speaker 05

  Apparently this is what's happened in Italy. So Juventus.

• 9:36Speaker 03

  Juventus, yeah.

• 9:37Speaker 05

  It's just forever. It's just the, the

• 9:39Speaker 03

  Tainted it forever.

• 9:40Speaker 05

  The number is just negotiable depending on

• 9:42Speaker 03

  It undermines everything.

• 9:43Speaker 05

  So if I'm a Man City fan, punish me. Cause the own

• 9:50Speaker 03

  What do you want?

• 9:51Speaker 05

  Pulled down my trousers and slapped me on my naked buttocks because I, I want it.

• 9:56Speaker 03

  In front of everyone. Bend Pep over and slap his arse at Old Trafford and then it's all okay. Mancini, Pellegrino, Mark Hughes, Pep. But Mark Hughes would love that, rubbing shoulders with those lads, even with his tits down, with his massive rock hard arse and big thighs.

• 10:15Speaker 05

  He's got, also, yeah, that would, he's shame Pep's saggy old arse.

• 10:19Speaker 03

  Who's got the hairiest arse out of those four? Got only a Pellegrini in it. He's a fucking skunk.

• 10:28Speaker 03

  Big old long thin legs with hairs about nine inches long on them, right at the back arse he can't get to.

• 10:39Speaker 05

  That's the two contracts, Mancini, one on each buttock, bang, bang.

• 10:44Speaker 03

  Oh dear.

• 10:45Speaker 05

  The only way.

• 10:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:47Speaker 05

  To be, to end this is for Manchester City to start again.

• 10:54Speaker 05

  Like, just, just to be, I don't know, just real, you know, we're talking the buttocks, we're talking going down, so you know.

• 11:03Speaker 03

  It needs to be.

• 11:04Speaker 05

  If they just go and go to the Championship and come back up, no one's, it's just gonna go on forever, this discussion.

• 11:10Speaker 03

  It needs to be so severe that it never makes anyone think to do it, because if you say to Man City, £200 million fine, 50 point deduction for two years.

• 11:21Speaker 05

  Right.

• 11:21Speaker 03

  And no transfer ban, you sort of think, it's worth it, innit? We have 15 years of unbridled success, by the time anyone charges you, it takes three years, by the time that's all happened, you've won all those trophies and you've built the club into being really rich and successful.

• 11:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, exactly.

• 11:34Speaker 03

  It needs to be so brutal, like, and it's be five year no transfers, five year 30 point, 40 point deduction, and the owners have to sell.

• 11:43Speaker 05

  I think five years, how about five years, everyone else decides your transfers?

• 11:48Speaker 03

  That's, oh yeah, that's a good idea, yeah, every, every club gets to send a player to Man City for 50 million?

• 11:53Speaker 05

  It's a swap deal.

• 11:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:58Speaker 05

  And like the NFL draft, you can start at the bottom, so whoever's bottom, Coventry or whoever it is.

• 12:06Speaker 03

  Tottenham.

• 12:07Speaker 05

  Tottenham, so they get first pick, so they can swap one of their players for what, imagine the excitement, the Man City draft.

• 12:15Speaker 03

  Oh, I know, but you pick a, you swap a player.

• 12:17Speaker 05

  You swap one player in.

• 12:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:19Speaker 05

  Does it, does it have to be the same position? I don't think it does.

• 12:21Speaker 03

  No, I think you got, so whoever's bottom, say Coventry, well, whoever's left in the league, so say it's like Nottingham Forest or whatever, they can get Elliot Anderson back.

• 12:31Speaker 05

  All the players arrive in suits.

• 12:35Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 12:35Speaker 05

  Or in their Man City shirts, which they have to then swap with the players that are coming out.

• 12:40Speaker 03

  Well, in America, they have caps, don't they? They have caps on the table.

• 12:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:43Speaker 03

  So it could be scarf, half and half scarf or whatever.

• 12:45Speaker 05

  Half and half scarves, yeah, and they all arrive.

• 12:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:48Speaker 05

  For one evening of, I'm, I'm happy to say it, pay-per-view TV.

• 12:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, and it's one season loans, and then Man City still have to pay the wages?

• 12:57Speaker 05

  No, it's forever.

• 12:58Speaker 03

  Well, to be fair, Nottingham Forest have got, hang on, Elliot Anderson, on this contract, you're only gonna get paid £10,000 a week, what's happening? You've got, you've got a PR day for some company for a million pound a month. God, what are you doing in that day? How many advert reads you're doing? What's the engagement on that ad for that? Because you're only getting £10,000 for playing, you're only getting £10,000 for dictating the game at Anfield.

• 13:24Speaker 05

  Oh, it'd be exciting, then they've got a five-year ban with their new squad.

• 13:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:28Speaker 05

  And, and it has to be managed by, they have to bring back Pep to see whether he actually is good.

• 13:34Speaker 03

  And Paul Dickoff has to play up front for five years in his current condition of fitness.

• 13:37Speaker 05

  His current condition, yeah.

• 13:38Speaker 03

  Well, I genuinely, I think the main thing that's got to happen for it to move on is severe and owners have to sell. They need to be banned, they need to be banned from owning a football club in the league.

• 13:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:49Speaker 03

  Because it's them that's done it.

• 13:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:50Speaker 03

  As much as the fans, you know, it's difficult for Man City fans to work out how to act, because you, you know.

• 13:55Speaker 05

  I'd say they're doing it wrong, I'd say.

• 13:58Speaker 03

  You like the inflatable bananas?

• 14:00Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'd say if Luke caught you cheating, right?

• 14:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, where am I, who with? Tell me, tell me for it.

• 14:07Speaker 05

  So you've been cheating for eight years, yeah?

• 14:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, eight years, right, okay, so I've got a little ball and a two-year-old and I'll start trying to shag about, yeah.

• 14:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:17Speaker 03

  I had loads of energy for that then.

• 14:19Speaker 05

  Admittedly, the cheating relationship, it did end five years ago, but it's still.

• 14:23Speaker 03

  Okay, so I shagged someone for three years, right?

• 14:25Speaker 05

  No, no, you cheated for eight years and then five years.

• 14:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay.

• 14:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, a bit like Man City, basically, same, same timeframe.

• 14:32Speaker 03

  So timeframe would be, so that was, I started cheating 12 years ago?

• 14:35Speaker 05

  Whatever the Man City timeframe is.

• 14:37Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, basically, I started cheating two years before I had a kid, and when the kid's got to like four and two, I thought, Joe, knock it on the head, Rob.

• 14:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:42Speaker 03

  And now I've got, yeah.

• 14:43Speaker 05

  You've still got, you know, you've still got the memories.

• 14:46Speaker 03

  But I'm still attracting honeys without the money now.

• 14:48Speaker 05

  Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah. And Luke catches you cheating and you go, I'm not cheating, I've got irrefutable evidence.

• 14:58Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 14:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:00Speaker 03

  Let's go to appeal.

• 15:01Speaker 05

  Let's go to appeal on this, even though it's obvious I'm cheating and everyone knows I'm cheating.

• 15:05Speaker 03

  What would my evidence be then?

• 15:07Speaker 05

  Well, quite, that seems to be the situation.

• 15:08Speaker 03

  It wasn't actually me cheating, it was the parent company of me cheating.

• 15:11Speaker 05

  It was Abu, yeah, it was the, it was the government of Abu Dhabi and I'm nothing to do with them.

• 15:15Speaker 03

  It was the government of Rob Beckett, not Rob Beckett.

• 15:17Speaker 05

  I think you need in that situation, you can't continue the relationship, you've got to.

• 15:22Speaker 03

  No, I need, if we are gonna continue, I need some sort of punishments.

• 15:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:25Speaker 03

  Because the sanctions, well, you know, 35 of the charges for Man City of failure to cooperate.

• 15:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, but this is the thing with the fans, why are they doubling down?

• 15:35Speaker 03

  Well, what, they've got, they've got nothing, they're embarrassed, they don't know else, what else do you do?

• 15:39Speaker 05

  They're basically like one of those people that, they're like one of those people online who gets a pile on them and they decide, I'm gonna double down.

• 15:49Speaker 03

  Well, it's a vocal minority like anything, do you know what I mean?

• 15:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:53Speaker 03

  So it's like, the ones that are probably going, like Dave Mast, I think, that Dave Mast, maybe give him a ring and see how he felt about the result. Because I feel like they are going, we'll ring Bill later as well, because he talks about Tottenham, but he must felt a little bit hollow with the win.

• 16:09Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:10Speaker 03

  Also, because the sending off wasn't a proper sending off, and it was quite even until then, you wanna beat someone when it's even?

• 16:20Speaker 03

  But they're all clinging on to this appeal, it'll be interesting to what they say after the appeal.

• 16:24Speaker 07

  Hi, Josh.

• 16:25Speaker 05

  Hi, Dave, sorry to disturb you. I'm just with Rob, can I just ask you one question?

• 16:32Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 16:32Speaker 05

  Did it feel hollow?

• 16:34Speaker 07

  It felt fucking great.

• 16:37Speaker 03

  It felt great, didn't it, so?

• 16:38Speaker 05

  Fucking great, he said, were you there?

• 16:42Speaker 07

  No, no, a few of my mates were, I was coming back from a, from a trip away, but um, it was, I think we're gonna have quite a fun season with this, if I'm honest.

• 16:51Speaker 05

  Oh, really?

• 16:52Speaker 07

  I enjoyed yesterday, yeah, I just think we've, I think we're armed with the sense of humour that means like, we, I think we all do know we're kind of bang to rights, but I think we can kind of. We can have a bit of fun with it because it was very, it's very funny, this thing to Netherland Cogger at this point.

• 17:08Speaker 03

  Oh, he's so in denial.

• 17:11Speaker 05

  What thinks you're in denial?

• 17:13Speaker 07

  No, no, I think, I think it's coming for us, but it's also.

• 17:17Speaker 03

  No, no, he's feeling an emotions, because he's, he's not processing his emotions about it.

• 17:21Speaker 07

  We're, we're not a liked club, I mean, we never were a liked club, I don't think, but uh.

• 17:25Speaker 05

  Oh, you were in the, in the early 90s.

• 17:28Speaker 03

  I don't think he's processed his emotions, Josh, about this.

• 17:31Speaker 05

  Rob, Rob thinks you haven't processed your emotions.

• 17:34Speaker 07

  No, I have, I just, I think, it was a good, we played really well, didn't we?

• 17:37Speaker 03

  No, no, forget about the game.

• 17:38Speaker 07

  What do you think of the performance of our players?

• 17:40Speaker 03

  Forget about the game.

• 17:41Speaker 05

  Well, Rob thinks it's a bigger thing about cheating and he, he thinks there's this, you know, there's, there's bigger questions, philosophical questions at play that you're not engaging with. Are you aware that the guy that ran Studio 54, let me just take you to the, right, hey, and he got done, he had years and years of partying and then he got done for money problems, you know, embezzlement or whatever it was. And then they had one massive night out before he went to prison, he knew he was going to prison the next day and they had a massive party the night before, is that what this feels like for you?

• 18:15Speaker 07

  Yeah, I think that, I think that is it, I think it would, the, the kind of the vitriol and the venom towards us yesterday, I, I wondered how I would feel about it, but there is, there's a, there is a part of it where you're looking at a load of players who it's not their fault. There's a load of fans in the stands who are clearly just trying their best to have a good time, you know, a lot of those fans will have been there in the 90s and stuff, so in the moment, for 90 minutes of yesterday afternoon, away from all the, you know, the sadness and the disappointment.

• 18:45Speaker 03

  I must be so sad to cheat.

• 18:46Speaker 07

  I just enjoyed watching a really good football team, and it is, it is fun listening to Netherland Cogger, because they would not shut up about it, I can, they mentioned the charges 87 times across the game. It's, I, I understand, but let's also just talk about the actual football game.

• 19:03Speaker 03

  Tell him that team only exists because of cheating.

• 19:07Speaker 05

  That team only exists because of cheating, Dave.

• 19:10Speaker 07

  It is, but what a team, mate.

• 19:14Speaker 05

  Can I ask one last thing? We think that punishment needs to be that the four managers, Guardiola, Pellegrini, Mancini, and we want Mark Hughes as well. We want them to have their bare buttocks kind of hit in the centre circle, like bent over. Who do you think's got the best arse of those four?

• 19:38Speaker 07

  Name them again. I will have opinions on this, so go see again.

• 19:41Speaker 05

  Guardiola, Pellegrini, Mancini and Hughes.

• 19:45Speaker 07

  So I'll give you the order, shall I?

• 19:47Speaker 05

  Yeah, why not?

• 19:50Speaker 07

  It's, it's, it's, it's Guardiola at the top, number one.

• 19:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:56Speaker 07

  I bet he's got a great arse. Hughes would have had a great arse, but he's, he's a little bit older now. So maybe he's, there's a little bit lost, but he would be number two.

• 20:05Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 20:07Speaker 07

  Mancini, three, Pellegrini, four.

• 20:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think I, you could argue with Hughes. I think the age.

• 20:13Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:14Speaker 07

  You know, good manager.

• 20:15Speaker 05

  Good manager. Well, thank you, Dave. Good luck. Enjoy your, you know, enjoy your ill-gotten gains. Do you want Man City to be punished really badly so that you can look yourselves in the mirror?

• 20:27Speaker 07

  Uh, I think, I think we're, yeah, fine. Yeah, we probably will. And it's fine. I'm all right with it. We'll have fun. We'll have fun doing whatever happens next. And I think, do you know what I think? I think when United suddenly became shit, United weren't armed with the right kind of tools to deal with that, which is why they've just been glum for 10 years, 15 years. If this happens to us, yeah, it's not, it's not good at all. And it's, we are banterites with it, but I do think we will.

• 20:58Speaker 05

  Maybe you'll become likeable again. You'll become the likeable outsiders.

• 21:01Speaker 03

  Do you think the man, the owners need to be fired?

• 21:03Speaker 05

  Would you get rid of the, you'd get rid of the owners though, wouldn't you?

• 21:06Speaker 07

  Nah, keep them. We'll do it all over again.

• 21:09Speaker 05

  Oh my God. Oh my God.

• 21:11Speaker 03

  It's horrible. He's rotten.

• 21:13Speaker 07

  I'm gonna go because I'm getting a floor fitted.

• 21:15Speaker 05

  All right. See you later.

• 21:16Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. Who's, who's paying for that? The parent company of Dave Masterman? Um, that's a bit of fun, isn't it? Right. Shall we talk about other games?

• 21:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 21:25Speaker 03

  Shall we talk about our shirts? Our shirts as well. I've got Leyton Orient shirt.

• 21:28Speaker 05

  I've got Clapton and you've got Leyton Orient.

• 21:31Speaker 03

  That's so weird. We've gone for rivals.

• 21:33Speaker 05

  Gone for East London rivals without realising it.

• 21:36Speaker 03

  And a friend of mine runs Maber, Jonathan, and he sent me these because they're now doing, Maber's a Spanish brand, but they're starting to do club kits. So it's nice.

• 21:45Speaker 05

  Oh lovely.

• 21:45Speaker 03

  It's got one of them like, like rubbery badges on top of the shirt, which I like.

• 21:49Speaker 05

  Oh yeah, I like a rubbery badge. This is all print. I'm not sure about it when everything's print.

• 21:53Speaker 03

  I don't like it all printed in. It feels a bit cheap. Who, who's that team? Clapton what?

• 21:57Speaker 05

  Clapton FC or whatever they're called.

• 21:58Speaker 03

  Are they Sunday league?

• 22:00Speaker 05

  They're kind of, I don't know what level they are, but they're kind.

• 22:02Speaker 03

  Clapton Common FC. And they've got, they've got a ground.

• 22:04Speaker 05

  No, they're not Clapton Common. They're Clapton.

• 22:07Speaker 03

  Community FC.

• 22:08Speaker 05

  Yeah. It wasn't for me. A bit like Clapton, really.

• 22:12Speaker 03

  I've never known anyone having such an about turn and where they used to live. I love it.

• 22:23Speaker 01

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• 22:50Speaker 02

  Blowing ad budget on metrics that look great till the CFO sees them. That's bullspend and marketers are calling it out in. Dashboard confessions.

• 23:00Speaker 01

  I remember telling my boss, it'll be good for the brand when leads were slow. Yeah, it, it wasn't.

• 23:08Speaker 02

  Cut the bullspend. LinkedIn lets you target by company, job title and more. Advertise on LinkedIn. Spend $250 on your first campaign and get a $250 credit. Go to linkedin.com/campaign. Terms and conditions apply.

• 23:22Speaker 06

  This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. You can go deep, keep it on the ground or draw up something nobody sees coming. And whether you want to run a flea flicker or the tush push, you need a plan to fit your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you so they can help personalize coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

• 23:54Speaker 05

  Michael?

• 23:54Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 23:55Speaker 05

  Would you sack Michael Carrick?

• 23:57Speaker 06

  Yeah, I would have sacked him at the end of last season. Nothing's changed. I've been staunchly Carrick out. Thank you. You did a brilliant job last year, but you're not the right man to go forward.

• 24:07Speaker 03

  I've, I've got a question, Michael. I've got a question. If you lined up all the managers post Ferguson,

• 24:13Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 24:13Speaker 03

  pulled their trousers down and slapped their arse, who's got the best arse from Moyes up to Carrick?

• 24:19Speaker 05

  So many. I don't want to see Ten Hag's.

• 24:22Speaker 03

  I'd want to see Van Gaal's with a pair of curtains.

• 24:26Speaker 05

  Oh, Mourinho.

• 24:27Speaker 06

  I've, no, I think, I think Ralph Ragnak would be pretty robust.

• 24:31Speaker 03

  No, rude Van Nistelroy.

• 24:33Speaker 06

  Oh rude maybe, yeah.

• 24:34Speaker 03

  Big strong horse arse. Or Ralph. Ten Hag, just the two of his heads. Giggs, god, great, great. He's got the most recent title.

• 24:42Speaker 05

  He's hairy, isn't he, Giggs? It was funny, El Sackio, wasn't it, Rob? It couldn't have been better.

• 24:48Speaker 03

  I mean, what, what's great from the neutral is whoever lost that game, it's funny. So you've got Tottenham having a bad run. You've got Man United having a bad run. Um, I, I was, I was at my niece's birthday party and then there was sort of like kids' games going on in one room and then just sort of detached mainly dads watching El Sackio in the other room. And I was there and there was a, a dad of one of the kids that was there and the, one of the kids who was about 11 or 12 was a Tottenham fan. And we were watching and the dad was like, the, the more I spend time with Tottenham fans, the more I feel sad.

• 25:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, you're about to feel sad because we're gonna surely call Bill in a second.

• 25:27Speaker 03

  The boy got really upset and then I felt, oh God. And then when Tottenham scored, I actually did cheer because I wanted him to be happy. And also like, I've got a lot of friends that are Tottenham fans and there's just such a feeling of, they are so.

• 25:39Speaker 05

  I watched the highlights.

• 25:39Speaker 03

  They played well. They played well.

• 25:42Speaker 05

  There was only one Man U highlight, which was them scoring. Everything else was Tottenham.

• 25:47Speaker 03

  Tottenham played really well. I honestly think in front of goal, they've got some sort of final destination curse.

• 25:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:53Speaker 03

  You know, final destination, just it hunts the death. It's like it hunts, hunts anything other than the goal. But they were, even the rebounds were unlucky. It was bouncing off the post, bouncing off people's, I think they want it too much.

• 26:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:05Speaker 03

  De Zerbi said he kissed Bentancur. Did you hear that? They said, how did you feel about Bentancur? I went, I kissed him in the dressing room because he showed blood and guts.

• 26:14Speaker 05

  What, what does he mean? Like, just in my head.

• 26:17Speaker 03

  Do you know he got sent off?

• 26:18Speaker 05

  No, no, no, no. Sorry. I meant, what kind of kiss?

• 26:22Speaker 03

  Okay, here we go. Trousers down. Who's got the best tongue?

• 26:26Speaker 05

  No, just in my head, they're kind of all sat around after the game on their benches. And in the middle, they're just getting off with each other.

• 26:34Speaker 03

  And it's like cheered like a rom-com in Crocodile Dundee. He climbs across the other players.

• 26:40Speaker 05

  They're just really bashing.

• 26:44Speaker 03

  Well, I imagine he's grabbed him and I think if he was British, he'd kiss him on the forehead.

• 26:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:50Speaker 03

  But I think.

• 26:50Speaker 05

  He's kissed on the lips.

• 26:52Speaker 03

  Hmm. I think he's hugged him and kissed him on the side of the cheek. I love that. I love that.

• 26:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:57Speaker 03

  What's Italian for, much, what's, Spanish for mucho? Because they're both speaking Italian and, no. What, De Zerbi's?

• 27:04Speaker 05

  Maybe it was just a really soft.

• 27:06Speaker 03

  What language do Hamsters speak? Syrian normally, aren't they? The Syrian Russian Hamsters. Yeah.

• 27:12Speaker 05

  Um, maybe it's just like a kind of one soft kiss. Do you know what I mean?

• 27:18Speaker 03

  Just on the lips?

• 27:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, just like.

• 27:20Speaker 03

  No, I think, I think it's a rough and ready one. I don't think they're, I don't think they're passionately kissing.

• 27:24Speaker 05

  No?

• 27:25Speaker 03

  No.

• 27:26Speaker 05

  I think that, I think that would manage.

• 27:27Speaker 03

  Who would know? Got anyone on the inside of the Tottenham team?

• 27:30Speaker 05

  Well, let's, let's phone Bill.

• 27:32Speaker 03

  Phone Bill. Well, let's talk about, shall we talk about Manchester United first for a bit then phone Bill?

• 27:35Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 27:36Speaker 03

  I'll tell him, I'll call you five minutes.

• 27:37Speaker 05

  He's so funny. He's so funny.

• 27:40Speaker 03

  Or shall we ring Bill now, Michael? Do you want to have a bit of time to think about what you want to talk about?

• 27:44Speaker 06

  I'm happy to talk about anything.

• 27:45Speaker 05

  Michael, can I just say, it's the worst start since 1985 or something.

• 27:51Speaker 03

  But that changes every year. It gets worse.

• 27:53Speaker 05

  I know. Every year this happens. I just can't understand what's going on. Like every year, Man U are breaking these records that I didn't know existed of how bad it's going.

• 28:04Speaker 03

  But the good thing is they'll be able to go, if it's bad next year, they go, this is the worst start they've had since last year.

• 28:09Speaker 05

  I know, but it never seems to be that. It always seems to be the eighties.

• 28:15Speaker 03

  What's, what's happening, Michael? What's going on to a Man United fan?

• 28:18Speaker 06

  Well, we have the wrong manager. We've had the wrong manager since we appointed Michael Carrick. That's not going to change until Michael Carrick is sacked. Like he's not good enough at this level.

• 28:27Speaker 03

  He's got no experience, has he?

• 28:28Speaker 06

  He's, well, just look at his managerial record. He inherited a team last year that couldn't have been any worse. So literally anyone could have made that team better just by picking players in the right position.

• 28:39Speaker 03

  Yeah. I mean, I could have done that after Ruben Hagerin.

• 28:41Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's not witchcraft. And then all we had was league games. We had, by the time he took over that job, we were out of Europe, out of the FA Cup, out of the League Cup. So you had players who were usually playing two, sometimes three games in 10 days. There was a period of 22 days where we didn't play a game and that wasn't even an international break. That was between our games. Like it's not difficult for players to perform. And then suddenly we're playing two, sometimes three times in 10 days because we've got League Cup, Champions League, League.

• 29:13Speaker 05

  You haven't got League Cup anymore, have you?

• 29:14Speaker 06

  Well, we don't have any more, but he's not, he's not up to the job and that squad is not up to the job. It was so obvious what was going to happen. I'm sort of at the point of apathy. I'm at the point of apathy. I didn't even watch the game yesterday. I went to the cinema instead. I was like, I'm not doing this anymore.

• 29:32Speaker 03

  You didn't watch it?

• 29:33Speaker 06

  I went to the cinema. I'd rather go to the cinema than watch that nonsense. Well, I watched two films, a film called Primetime, which is a new Robert Pattinson thing about the, To Catch a Predator TV show in America. And a film called Artificial, which is about the OpenAI guy saying something.

• 29:49Speaker 03

  Oh my God, fuck me. You must be really, really bored. You must hate Man United at this stage. It was a great game to watch.

• 29:56Speaker 05

  Is it wild? Is the mistake that you've got an international, you know, mega brand football club and it's seemingly being run by Jason Wilcox, who used to play for Blackburn? It just feels mad. It just feels, I mean, is Jason Wilcox?

• 30:12Speaker 03

  He's a winger.

• 30:13Speaker 05

  He's, he was a wing. He wasn't even in the England team.

• 30:17Speaker 03

  No wingers of football brains either.

• 30:19Speaker 05

  No. Why is Jason Wilcox running Man U? Imagine if.

• 30:24Speaker 03

  How many puns did he reckon he does?

• 30:25Speaker 05

  If it was just announced that Barcelona have handed over the reins to, you know, well, Steve Guppy, it would just.

• 30:39Speaker 03

  Tottenham have appointed Rule Fox as CEO.

• 30:47Speaker 05

  You just can't be doing that. He's just mental.

• 30:52Speaker 05

  That's the problem.

• 30:54Speaker 03

  It's absolute madness. Steve Stone here, running Nottingham Forest. He's been appointed by the owner.

• 30:59Speaker 05

  It's just, he didn't even play for Man U. He's got nothing to do with you.

• 31:04Speaker 03

  Wilfried Zaha, the new owner of Crystal Palace, operating. Yannick Balassi is supporting assistant, is EA. Well, Michael, I'll look at your Man United fixtures. You've got yourselves Athletic Madrid away, nice easy one on Wednesday. You're gonna lose that. Leeds away.

• 31:23Speaker 06

  I say, here's the thing, we won't lose that. That's exactly the type of game that will get a plucky draw in and it will just paper over the cracks.

• 31:31Speaker 03

  I love the crack paper.

• 31:33Speaker 06

  These draws, these results, they're bad, but they're not bad enough.

• 31:36Speaker 05

  As high as pleased with the draw.

• 31:38Speaker 03

  Well, because if Tottenham lost on Saturday, right, Deserby goes into the Coventry home game Tottenham next week. If he loses that, he's gone.

• 31:46Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 31:47Speaker 03

  But he got that, the thing is as well, a draw is so shit. It's only a point.

• 31:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's.

• 31:53Speaker 03

  Do you know what I mean? Winning so many more points. That makes such a big difference if you win.

• 32:00Speaker 03

  Right, so Leeds away, and then you've got Como away, and then you've got Bournemouth and Chelsea, Roma, Villa, Liverpool, Sporting.

• 32:07Speaker 05

  Oh, Liverpool are so shit. We haven't even talked about how shit Liverpool are.

• 32:11Speaker 03

  Fabian Wirtz. Honestly, he can't control it.

• 32:15Speaker 05

  He's, he's a bad footballer.

• 32:17Speaker 03

  He looks like me in the over 40s dad football in the last 10 minutes, when your body has completely failed you. I, I, I scored a goal. I'm considering retiring. I'm, well, why do I keep playing me? That's the problem. He should be playing him. Should we, I scored a goal.

• 32:34Speaker 05

  He's not playing because he needs, he needs a bit of fitness so that he can have a pizza. He might be.

• 32:39Speaker 03

  That's what I'm doing it for. Just to find my pizzas. Anyway, I, anyway, this is a separate, I, I scored a goal at Five a Side Football. I scored quite a good goal from the halfway line, which isn't far in Five a Side Football. After I did it, I pulled every single muscle in my right leg.

• 32:56Speaker 03

  I don't know what, I just kicked a ball, I'm talking thigh, inside my hip, the front of my leg, the shin bone there, and then like shin, and then the back of the calf, from one kick. It's a fucking joke. Anyway, Fabian Wirtz looks like me in the last 10 minutes of Five a Side Football. What, what does he do?

• 33:14Speaker 05

  Why is everyone so bad? The only people that are good are the ones that cheated. And then there's Arsenal, who go in the league by default, and then there's, everyone else is bad at football.

• 33:26Speaker 03

  Now, Gravenback was amazing yesterday until he got sent off. He was brilliant. Fabian Wirtz.

• 33:31Speaker 05

  Liverpool aren't good, is what I mean.

• 33:33Speaker 03

  He wouldn't be playing, if he was a Liverpool reserve player, he would have got a few games and they would have just put him on the bench or sent him out on loan. But when you spend under £40 million, because apparently there's same debates going on about him in the Germany team as well.

• 33:44Speaker 05

  Is it?

• 33:45Speaker 03

  I don't know if he's got loads of good stats or something and the stuff we don't see.

• 33:50Speaker 05

  Does he, is he a bit like Mesut Ozil? Do you know what I mean? Do you remember the eternal Mesut Ozil debate?

• 33:57Speaker 03

  No, he was, no, Mesut Ozil was unbelievable, but he never really, he basically was unbelievable or went missing. Right. Wirtz is just missing.

• 34:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 34:06Speaker 03

  So Ozil would basically, a home game against a lower team, would pull the strings, set up three goals and maybe score. But then in a big game, he would disappear and say like, he was only good because he passed it to Ronaldo at Real Madrid. But he was unbelievable. He did stuff that, he's one of the best sort of technical footballers I've ever seen at Arsenal. Like, not as good as Bergkamp, I don't think, but not far off.

• 34:26Speaker 05

  Also bought Barca, who's done nothing.

• 34:29Speaker 03

  He looks so scared. PSG look like a monster. He looks like a skinny bloke, just panicking.

• 34:35Speaker 05

  Oh my God. I'm so glad I'm not a Liverpool fan.

• 34:37Speaker 03

  Should we ring Bill, say what he thinks of Tottenham? This is what.

• 34:40Speaker 05

  This is what everyone's waiting for.

• 34:42Speaker 03

  Exactly. This is, this is.

• 34:46Speaker 03

  It strikes me laugh thinking of him answering the phone. Anything you want me to ask him, Josh, that you can, in advance?

• 34:54Speaker 05

  I suppose if you, if you could go through the last five Tottenham managers, who's got the best arse?

• 35:01Speaker 03

  No problem.

• 35:02Speaker 05

  This is the one good week.

• 35:05Speaker 03

  This is a chance for him to bask in the glory of scoring the weirdest goal ever seen.

• 35:13Speaker 03

  There's not been a weirder goal since Brennan Johnson in the Europa League final.

• 35:16Speaker 05

  What happened with that goal? Because everyone just seemed to stop. No one's, I suppose barely celebrated initially.

• 35:24Speaker 03

  It looked like it was, it was so shit, everyone couldn't believe it was a real goal. But it was actually quite a good goal because it was a good cross and he just a little touch, but it looked so shit. Well, I think Tottenham scored a really good goal, but Man United played so badly in defence, it looked shit. They didn't even bother.

• 35:44Speaker 05

  You know, like, if we just, it's almost like everyone was like, shall we just pretend that wasn't a goal? You know, in Seinfeld.

• 35:51Speaker 03

  Put your arm up and just go, yeah.

• 35:54Speaker 05

  When George Costanza quits his job and then he decides to just come in the next day and pretend he hasn't quit his job.

• 35:58Speaker 03

  No, he's in Seinfeld.

• 36:00Speaker 05

  That's in Seinfeld.

• 36:01Speaker 03

  I've never watched Seinfeld.

• 36:03Speaker 05

  Oh, I filled you in. That's all you need to know on that bit.

• 36:05Speaker 03

  Because I love, I love Joey Seinfeld, right? But I find he looks so pleased with himself after every joke. I find it hard to watch.

• 36:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:12Speaker 03

  Even though the joke's amazing and he's amazing. I love, I love him chatting though. I love him to comedians in car. I love him being interviewed. But sometimes on stage, he looks so happy with himself. I'm like, oh, come on, mate.

• 36:21Speaker 05

  I think you'd enjoy Seinfeld, but maybe it's dated.

• 36:24Speaker 03

  Yeah. I was friends.

• 36:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, I liked Friends as well, obviously. I loved Friends.

• 36:30Speaker 03

  Shall we have a look at, oh, Michael, what did you think of the Man United defending for the Tottenham goal?

• 36:35Speaker 06

  I haven't watched any of it. Refused to watch it. You know how that guy won't shave his head until Man United win like five games in a row?

• 36:42Speaker 03

  Oh my God, that guy. What is he gonna do?

• 36:45Speaker 06

  I might just not watch any United until he's gone.

• 36:46Speaker 05

  Do we feel for, for him?

• 36:48Speaker 03

  No, it was always too hard a bet.

• 36:50Speaker 05

  He's a nice guy. He had too many games.

• 36:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, if it was three or four.

• 36:55Speaker 05

  Do you think he's had sex with the big hair?

• 36:58Speaker 03

  What, with dick in his head?

• 37:00Speaker 05

  I mean, do you think it's affected his, do you think it has made him more attractive or less attractive?

• 37:07Speaker 03

  You're gonna have to put it into cornrows if you're banging. You have to push cultural appropriation aside, but it's a safety.

• 37:12Speaker 05

  Cornrows. You can't be putting it into cornrows.

• 37:15Speaker 03

  You have to. You can't have that hair and have candles out and get a romantic. It's a fire risk.

• 37:19Speaker 05

  True, true.

• 37:28Speaker 01

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• 38:05Speaker 01

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• 38:26Speaker 07

  This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. You can go deep, keep it on the ground or draw up something nobody sees coming. And whether you want to run a flea flicker or the tush push, you need a plan to fit your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you. So they can help personalize coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

• 38:58Speaker 05

  Are we going to talk about Plymouth being top of League One?

• 39:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're doing very well, actually.

• 39:02Speaker 05

  There was, you know, I enjoy the Plymouth argument on my stage boards.

• 39:07Speaker 03

  I didn't know you did, so you're on the forums.

• 39:09Speaker 05

  No, I don't. I am right.

• 39:10Speaker 03

  Maybe you'd read.

• 39:11Speaker 05

  I'm, I'm a lurker.

• 39:13Speaker 03

  Have you ever written?

• 39:14Speaker 05

  No.

• 39:15Speaker 03

  Under a pseudonym?

• 39:16Speaker 05

  No, because I don't care enough. But there was a thread about how, how do you think the start of the season's gone? First 10 games?

• 39:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're top of the, let me have a look at the league.

• 39:29Speaker 05

  Top of the league. People like, if our home form can match. Our way for we'd be we'd be great. You're like, we're top of the league.

• 39:37Speaker 03

  You're top of the league by two points. Oh, no, but they've got games in hand.

• 39:42Speaker 05

  But people are still not positive, Rob. What is wrong with football fans? It's mental. It's absolutely mental.

• 39:51Speaker 03

  They'll never be happy.

• 39:52Speaker 05

  You know, I just don't think we've got the squad. We should have bought another striker. We're top of the league. Just enjoy yourself.

• 39:58Speaker 03

  So I did a football, another football podcast on Friday. Jimmy Bullard's got a podcast called Bullard FC. Where he does it from his pub, right? And it's a bit rowdy. They've got a great feature. I think it's the best feature in podcasting called Beer or Bounce? And a fan gives her opinion. And if basically, if everyone agrees with it, you get a beer. If you don't, the bouncer comes in and just throws you out the pub.

• 40:21Speaker 05

  Is it an actual pub?

• 40:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's an actual, he owns a pub. So it's an actual pub. He did, she just goes, right, get rid of him. And the bouncer throws you out the pub.

• 40:28Speaker 05

  Oh, my God.

• 40:29Speaker 03

  But it's just to stop people. Just, you know, you've really got to be confident in your opinion. I'm doing that. And at one point, someone said like, they were talking about something in football, going, I, I think so and so's this. And I went, well, I, I think they're like that. And then they went, but I, well, and they started going at me again. And I went, I just went, I don't care. I don't actually care. I just got an opinion on it. If you really think otherwise, fine. I don't care. But football fans get so passionate.

• 40:55Speaker 05

  They love their, when people go, it's a game of opinions. No, it's not. They're all so boring, these opinions.

• 41:01Speaker 03

  It's a game of talking too much.

• 41:03Speaker 05

  I know.

• 41:04Speaker 03

  Including us.

• 41:05Speaker 05

  Including us.

• 41:05Speaker 03

  But we're talking about slapping arses. Who's got the best arse?

• 41:08Speaker 05

  Exactly. Oh, we need to talk. There's something exciting happened that I thought we needed to talk about. What was it? I texted it to us. I said, we need to discuss this.

• 41:17Speaker 03

  Oh, Ronaldo's eight points?

• 41:19Speaker 05

  Oh, my God.

• 41:21Speaker 03

  But so I haven't read, I gave up reading it.

• 41:24Speaker 05

  Have you got to the eight points, Rob?

• 41:25Speaker 03

  No, um, no, I haven't. My notes are, why are there so many muscly linesmen?

• 41:32Speaker 03

  There was a guy refereeing, I think the Tottenham or Liverpool game, and he had.

• 41:35Speaker 05

  Gone pro, haven't they?

• 41:36Speaker 03

  But he had such massive tits, it almost looked like, has he got implants of like females tits? But they're not as muscle tits, which I find insane. I was like, why do you just want to get massive tits, Gerard? I think this is a weird part of a man's body, just have massive tits. I get the arms and legs, but why do you want massive tits? No one wants massive tits.

• 41:58Speaker 05

  It's because he's got, he's got that flag. His, his, his job is all arms.

• 42:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I just think, if you've got big arms or legs.

• 42:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:06Speaker 03

  They sort of go back down normally if you stop going to gym. But if you've got massive muscle tits, if you're not going to the gym, you've just got big flabby empty tits.

• 42:13Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:14Speaker 03

  Because you've stretched the tit muscle.

• 42:16Speaker 05

  Let me just read you Cristiano Ronaldo's eight points that he put on his Instagram.

• 42:19Speaker 03

  So this is about why he left the Portugal squad?

• 42:23Speaker 05

  This was about, right, Ronaldo's statement included, he said, the notes I validated were the following. So this is what he agreed with the manager, apparently.

• 42:32Speaker 03

  Oh, so these eight points is what he agreed?

• 42:34Speaker 05

  Yeah. I think it is important also because it is the truth to clarify a few things before talking about Dembélé. One, I myself, this is what he wanted, the manager, he agreed with the manager, had to say in the press conference. Imagine a player.

• 42:50Speaker 03

  Bill's ringing. Do you want to speak to Bill?

• 42:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, and then we'll come back to it.

• 42:54Speaker 03

  Hello, Bill.

• 42:56Speaker 07

  Hello, Rob. Sorry, I'm just going to Sky.

• 42:59Speaker 03

  Sorry, what was that, mate?

• 43:00Speaker 07

  I was going to Sky.

• 43:01Speaker 03

  Oh, you edit it away. Less about that, more about, you've got to be happy, ain't you?

• 43:08Speaker 07

  Yeah, uh, right.

• 43:11Speaker 05

  Oh, no.

• 43:11Speaker 07

  Right, here we go. So I would say my feelings on it all are, I wouldn't say, I wouldn't say I'm, I'm not over the moon. I'm, I'm like, what it feels like is going in the right direction. Because do you know what? I've been saying for a while.

• 43:25Speaker 03

  You couldn't have gone the other direction.

• 43:27Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 43:30Speaker 07

  But we had 30, I've been saying for weeks, we've had 30 minute spells where we should have, we were really dominant. It now feels like that Man United game, we had 60, 70 minutes where we were good. And I would say that's aggression. But we still aren't scoring our chances, which is really worrying.

• 43:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:45Speaker 07

  You know, we still have loads.

• 43:46Speaker 03

  You're playing better.

• 43:47Speaker 07

  The main thing is, is that I don't think, I think if, if the results go our way next round fixtures next weekend, well, I'm supposed to play on the Monday.

• 43:55Speaker 03

  Coventry, you need a big win, don't you?

• 43:57Speaker 07

  Yeah, we get a big win and United lose Liverpool, lose to Leeds, we'll go above United and then we'll stop being the bouncer team. And that's all I want. I just don't want to be the bouncer team. That's it.

• 44:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:08Speaker 07

  That's my, that's the bar, really.

• 44:09Speaker 03

  I'd say though, you look like a better team, but Man United have got better players, I think. But up front, the defence is mental. But you look like you were playing better football, making more chances. It feels like your strikers are cursed.

• 44:22Speaker 07

  I know, they are. I do. They can't, Rob, Rob, I did, are you right? Rob, I've just sent you something, which I know you're going to think you're so.

• 44:28Speaker 03

  Oh, is it, is it stats?

• 44:30Speaker 07

  Yeah. So, look, this is.

• 44:32Speaker 03

  Can I just, can I just tell you, Bill, can I explain what you've just sent to me? You've sent me a heat map of every single football team. There are 20 rectangles with red, white and blue on. So where teams or their opponents control possession. Right, okay.

• 44:48Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 44:49Speaker 03

  So.

• 44:49Speaker 07

  Now, look at ours. Ours is most similar to City and Arsenal and Brighton, actually. But we have, the way we're playing is like a dominant side. Which I think it, it means, it means that the only thing that's wrong is we're not, it was not.

• 45:09Speaker 03

  Can I say something? Can I say something?

• 45:10Speaker 05

  That is key.

• 45:11Speaker 03

  Can I say something, Bill? Your heat map is the complete opposite to Chelsea's.

• 45:19Speaker 07

  Is it?

• 45:19Speaker 03

  Yep. Completely. If you look at it, it's everything.

• 45:22Speaker 07

  There are a lot on there, Rob.

• 45:23Speaker 03

  Right, there, yeah, so.

• 45:24Speaker 07

  It is as well, isn't it?

• 45:25Speaker 03

  Yeah. And I would say they are the most free scoring attacking team. So what I feel like, what you're doing is you're controlling possession in places that have no impact.

• 45:38Speaker 07

  We got, we could, I, yes, right.

• 45:41Speaker 03

  So the thing is with data is it's how you interpret it.

• 45:43Speaker 07

  Nice, knocking the ball around nicely. We are nice. We do look nice the way we play football. We just can't score. We look great. Gary Neville was so jealous. It was great.

• 45:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, so I, I think it's, you're very positive. Bill's, one second, Bill. Josh has got a question.

• 45:56Speaker 05

  Can we ask about these managers' arses, Rob?

• 45:58Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. So we were, we were saying Man City should be punished by getting all their previous managers in the centre circle, pull their trousers and pants down and smack their arses. And we've agreed that Mark Hughes or Pep have got the best arses.

• 46:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:12Speaker 03

  If you could line up all of the last Tottenham managers.

• 46:15Speaker 05

  Do you want me to give you the run of managers?

• 46:16Speaker 03

  We'll give you the list of the, yeah.

• 46:18Speaker 05

  Are we including Deserby in this?

• 46:20Speaker 03

  We are including Deserby. So basically, if you lined them all up, Bill, with their trousers and pants down, who's got the best arse out of, and I'll read the list to you.

• 46:27Speaker 05

  Deserby.

• 46:28Speaker 03

  Deserby.

• 46:29Speaker 05

  Igor Tudor.

• 46:30Speaker 03

  Igor Tudor.

• 46:32Speaker 05

  Thomas Frank.

• 46:33Speaker 03

  Thomas Frank.

• 46:34Speaker 05

  And Postacoglu.

• 46:35Speaker 07

  Tudor not coming in there, Tudor. Okay, yeah, go on, so carry on, carry on.

• 46:38Speaker 03

  Ange Postacoglu.

• 46:40Speaker 07

  No way.

• 46:40Speaker 03

  Wait, hang on, let me get, let me, let me finish.

• 46:42Speaker 05

  And Antonio Conte.

• 46:44Speaker 03

  And, and, and Antonio Conte, Mourinho and Pochettino.

• 46:50Speaker 07

  So I think you want the younger, healthier looking bums.

• 46:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:54Speaker 07

  And I think that you want the, you want the Deserby's, even though probably will be quite hairy.

• 46:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:59Speaker 07

  I think the Deserby one, Deserby and Pochettino.

• 47:01Speaker 03

  In my mind, it's got a little moustache on the undercarriage.

• 47:06Speaker 07

  Ange is at the bottom. Ange is like.

• 47:10Speaker 05

  I think Thomas Frank would have a horribly kind of withered arse.

• 47:13Speaker 03

  I think Thomas Frank might have the arse of a 17 year old girl.

• 47:20Speaker 07

  And then I think in the middle, you've got the older bums.

• 47:24Speaker 03

  The older bums.

• 47:25Speaker 07

  Many old bums, but I can't imagine old bums are nice.

• 47:27Speaker 03

  No.

• 47:28Speaker 07

  And I think, yeah, I think, so you've got the Conte's and your Tudor's probably lower end.

• 47:33Speaker 03

  Did you not want Tudor in that list?

• 47:36Speaker 07

  Not really.

• 47:37Speaker 03

  He was a manager at your club.

• 47:39Speaker 07

  I, Rob, I would say that was one of the, that was the worst time of being a Spurs fan, that.

• 47:43Speaker 03

  Really?

• 47:44Speaker 07

  That was the worst. Yeah, that was as dark as it got. I would say that, those Igor Tudor ones. Because I, do you know what? I read so much stuff about Spurs. I read everything. I read all those. I read, I read, there's every manager's post-match comments, the pre-match. I read everything about Spurs. There, I was just like, why and why? I was like, he didn't care. No one cared. It was just like, why are we doing this? It was the, that was dark. But anyway, yeah, I think Deserby and Poch's bums, I think that they're the top two. And then Ange's bums quite far down.

• 48:14Speaker 03

  Fair enough. That's a good.

• 48:16Speaker 07

  I want to say one more thing, though, about Tottenham. The thing that I messaged you about, which annoyed me, this is one of my gripes of football at the moment, is that we're so, when, do you know when Bentancur head butted Luke Shaw?

• 48:31Speaker 03

  Barely.

• 48:31Speaker 07

  It was just two people putting, I hate how we've got so picky about like, oh, I think there's forward movement there from Bentancur. That was, Luke Shaw came over and shoved him so hard. And you go like, he should have got a red card.

• 48:44Speaker 03

  Two red cards, I thought was the right outcome.

• 48:46Speaker 07

  And I just think those, and then like analysing two people headbutt, like how, it's not a headbutt. In the olden days.

• 48:52Speaker 03

  Oh, no, I think he's got to go for that, Bill.

• 48:55Speaker 07

  I don't know, but like.

• 48:57Speaker 03

  So you're saying red card for Shaw, yellow card for Bentancur?

• 49:01Speaker 07

  No, red card for both.

• 49:02Speaker 03

  Right.

• 49:02Speaker 07

  No, if by the rules, red card for both. However, I think these headbutts, like forward movement headbutts, analysing whether there was forward movement in a headbutt, I think it's so pathetic. I'm not, I can't, that, and then the other one that annoys me.

• 49:16Speaker 03

  What about Bill, what about only a headbutt if it's a broken nose and blood?

• 49:20Speaker 07

  Yeah, yes, that's exactly, that's unclear.

• 49:23Speaker 03

  I agree.

• 49:23Speaker 07

  If you crack the guy's nose and there's blood that you find, you know, and then I feel the same about hair pulling. If the geezer's got like a clump of hair in his hair.

• 49:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:32Speaker 07

  Fuck, you know, Gukurel's got a bald spot, red card. But a little pull's like a shirt pull for me on a, on a, on a, on the hair.

• 49:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, unless, if it's not violent, if it's a little pullback like a shirt pull, should be a yellow card unless it's violent.

• 49:43Speaker 07

  Little hair pull and then, yeah, they, they just really, I, I, I just got so frustrated with that and like I got frustrated with Gary Neville sort of going, there's forward movement there. I was like, ah, he's just come over and shoved him. Anyway, there's my run.

• 49:57Speaker 03

  That's your run. Have you got a final question for Bill, Josh?

• 49:59Speaker 05

  Um, so do you think we should start a campaign to bring back proper headbutts?

• 50:04Speaker 03

  Do you think we should start a campaign to bring back proper head, uh, do you think we should start a campaign to bring back proper headbutts? Get like Duncan Ferguson to lead the.

• 50:12Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 50:13Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, that'd be good.

• 50:14Speaker 07

  Exactly. Fergus, Duncan Fergus, you knew that was it. You go, blimey, he's, he's knocked, almost knocked the guy out.

• 50:22Speaker 07

  And you go, that's, that's definitely a red.

• 50:25Speaker 03

  Right.

• 50:25Speaker 07

  These, these sort of like two deers, staggering headbutts are so pathetic.

• 50:29Speaker 05

  This is my idea, Rob. If, if they're gonna send you off for a headbutt, you get a free headbutt. If you haven't done a proper headbutt and they're gonna send you off for it, he should be allowed to headbutt Luke Shaw.

• 50:40Speaker 03

  Well, he should be allowed to headbutt Luke Shaw if it's not a proper one, just a little, little chat.

• 50:44Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes. Hundred, is that what Josh was just saying?

• 50:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:47Speaker 07

  Hundred percent, like, I, that's, I immediately thought that when that happened. I went, well, you should go back and fully clout him now, because he's off now.

• 50:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:54Speaker 07

  He's done, he's, he's not actually done a headbutt and he's been off for a headbutt. Just go back in a boom, right across.

• 51:00Speaker 05

  You've got a free headbutt.

• 51:01Speaker 07

  You know, and then.

• 51:02Speaker 03

  Right, so Tottenham, you've got, you've got Coventry at home.

• 51:06Speaker 07

  Yeah, of course.

• 51:07Speaker 03

  Uh, what's your.

• 51:08Speaker 07

  Chelsea, I think we only got Chelsea away, which would be tough. But I think we've got Ipswich at home. I mean, that's, I know it's so pathetic.

• 51:14Speaker 03

  What's your, what's your prediction for, if he loses to Coventry, do you think De Zerbi goes?

• 51:18Speaker 07

  Yeah, we're not losing to Coventry though. We're not. If, if we lose to Coventry, we're in so much trouble. We are so, the weird thing is that everyone feels a lot more positive now after the weekend. We're still in the relegation zone.

• 51:30Speaker 03

  Well, you've only got three points. If, if, if he loses to Coventry and he gets brought in for a meeting, do you think he will show them the map, the heat map document you've just showed me?

• 51:45Speaker 07

  Well, I think, I, if I was, if.

• 51:48Speaker 03

  Have a look at that, look at that, look at the heat on that.

• 51:50Speaker 07

  If you're listening to this, De Zerbi, I would go XG first.

• 51:52Speaker 03

  XG first.

• 51:53Speaker 07

  He's scoring on XG.

• 51:54Speaker 03

  XG then heat map. Right, cheers, Bill. So what's the score for Coventry on Monday?

• 51:58Speaker 07

  Four nil, then Man United lose two nil to Leeds and we go above them.

• 52:04Speaker 03

  Four nil, so you're gonna score four goals.

• 52:08Speaker 03

  Based on.

• 52:09Speaker 07

  Don't, don't ask me to name who's gonna score them.

• 52:13Speaker 03

  Right, Phil.

• 52:14Speaker 07

  Yeah, this rate, it'll be like Van de Ven four, I think.

• 52:18Speaker 03

  Um, I think Conor Gallagher's underrated, Phil, and I think he's a good player. He gets a lot of stick from the lot.

• 52:21Speaker 07

  He works so off the ball amazing, on the ball, like, oh, he's.

• 52:26Speaker 03

  It's quite important though, on the ball, isn't it?

• 52:31Speaker 03

  Really important on the, you know, there's some great comedians out there, off the mic, they're great, but just when they're on the mic, they just never quite do it. Uh, Bill, thanks mate, I'll see you in a couple of days anyway.

• 52:41Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right, see you, Rob.

• 52:43Speaker 03

  Cheers, mate. Bye, bye, bye.

• 52:44Speaker 05

  Bye.

• 52:45Speaker 03

  There you go, best laugh in the business, Bill.

• 52:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 52:48Speaker 03

  There we go.

• 52:49Speaker 05

  Massive, they're doing well.

• 52:50Speaker 03

  I, I love hearing him happy, but I prefer him sad.

• 52:53Speaker 05

  It's so, I didn't even understand what they meant.

• 52:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, so we'll try and put this on our parenting hell, sorry, footballing hell Instagram. But he, he's right though, they are dominating games like Arsenal, Brighton, Man City.

• 53:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 53:06Speaker 03

  Well, you'd think so, Man United have got the same heat map. So I don't get.

• 53:09Speaker 05

  Yes, so have Liverpool, and Liverpool are shit.

• 53:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, like, so who's doing really well in the league? If you go to the league.

• 53:14Speaker 05

  Oh no, let's not engage with this, Rob, let's go.

• 53:16Speaker 03

  What's that?

• 53:18Speaker 05

  Can I just, can I just read you Ronaldo's eight points to finish? Because they are fucking brilliant. They are the greatest. So this is what he wanted his manager to come out and say. One, I myself and no one else proposed Cristiano a plan for him this sporting season with the national team. It was a long and very good conversation.

• 53:39Speaker 03

  That doesn't even make, I don't even know what that means as a sentence, that.

• 53:42Speaker 05

  Two.

• 53:42Speaker 03

  It's so, it's like lawyer speak.

• 53:44Speaker 05

  I know. I know how much he lives and loves the national team and the weight he has in the world and even more, the weight and the positive influence he's had on the national team for 24 consecutive years.

• 53:55Speaker 03

  That's what he wanted the manager to say about him in the press conference and now he's telling the world that's what was agreed.

• 54:00Speaker 05

  Yeah, I mean, who is saying? Number three, I proposed to Cristiano, the plan I proposed to Cristiano was accepted. Number four, he never questioned my options. He was exemplary, loyal and professional. Number five, the match in Norway was not part of the plan I drew up for him. However, I felt that he had managed to recover physically from the first match and I warned him that I might have to use him. Cristiano agreed. This is the key one. Number six, I made a mistake by putting someone of the stature of Pelé or Maradona on to warm up and then not putting him on in the game. If I were, if, if it were today, I would not do it.

• 54:38Speaker 03

  So this is what he wanted him to say after the event?

• 54:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 54:42Speaker 03

  Uh, to deal with it. Oh my god. And he, he didn't do it, did he, the manager?

• 54:45Speaker 05

  No, and Ronaldo's then published these as if this isn't the, the act of a fucking

• 54:51Speaker 03

  The lunatic.

• 54:52Speaker 05

  Insane lunatic.

• 54:53Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 54:54Speaker 05

  Number eight, to close the subject, I want Cristiano in the national team. In fact, I do not want him a little, I want him a lot. Fortunately, he also believes in me. Um, number eight.

• 55:04Speaker 03

  Absolutely insane.

• 55:06Speaker 05

  About not greeting the fans, we've already spoken about that. Someone who's played more than 230 matches for the national team does not receive lessons from me on the love for Portugal. It was a moment of frustration that erases nothing. He is the player who gives the most autographs, takes the most selfies and shows the most affection to the fans. Let us not invent problems where they do not exist. It's mental.

• 55:27Speaker 03

  Is he loved in, he is loved in Portugal, isn't he?

• 55:29Speaker 05

  I think they're split on him now. If he played for England, what would your views be now?

• 55:34Speaker 03

  He shouldn't be there, but then, I know, I, I get it if he was from like, maybe like Iceland, you know, like, they've got no other players and.

• 55:45Speaker 05

  But they're really good.

• 55:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's what I'm saying, and, and he is holding them back, so he should step back and allow them to proceed. Like, England, it wouldn't happen because there's so many good players, but Portugal are similar. You know, you look at Bruno Fernandes, he should be dictating that midfield.

• 55:59Speaker 05

  Imagine if at 42, Harry Kane is writing those statements.

• 56:03Speaker 03

  He wouldn't though, would he? That, that, that's why he won't win Ballon d'Or though, he's not pushing it enough.

• 56:09Speaker 03

  Um, because he's actually from Madeira, Ronaldo.

• 56:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 56:13Speaker 03

  And I, I think there's a bit of beef.

• 56:16Speaker 05

  What, what are you Googling?

• 56:18Speaker 03

  People from Portugal, do people from Portugal like people from Madeira? Because it is Portuguese, Madeira.

• 56:26Speaker 05

  Michael, I suppose this is a good time, Michael.

• 56:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:30Speaker 05

  Uh, you've got a statement about me and Rob, haven't you, that you wanna read out?

• 56:35Speaker 05

  Podcasters of the level of Stephen Bartlett and Joe Rogan should not be made to get on a Zencastr at 9am.

• 56:43Speaker 03

  Oh, I don't think they, I don't think they dislike each other too much, but there's a little bit of banter back and forth. They take the mick out of their accents because they sort of, it's in Ireland, so they're a bit slower and more chilled. It's a bit like the Isle of Wight. He's a, he's a, he's a very hard character to love. I think as well, a red flag for me is that he's like, he clicks and jills with Piers Morgan.

• 57:02Speaker 05

  Yes, that's always a red flag.

• 57:04Speaker 03

  You know, oh, he's my kind of guy. Ooh.

• 57:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 57:10Speaker 03

  Okay. Right, um, Josh, absolutely love that.

• 57:15Speaker 05

  It's a big week coming up. See you next week.

• 57:17Speaker 03

  Bye.

• 57:28Speaker 01

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