S13 EP24: I Just Can't See It Happening

More adventures in parenting (and life) from Rob and Josh... If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [email protected] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. And now Footballing Hell is also available every Monday. A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:00Speaker 02

  This episode is presented by TUI.

• 1:02Speaker 03

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• 1:04Speaker 02

  Oh, you've got to love it. Who wouldn't love it, Rob?

• 1:06Speaker 03

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• 1:46Speaker 02

  Atol and Abta protected.

• 1:51Speaker 03

  Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with.

• 1:53Speaker 04

  Aight, Olivia, can you say Rob? Rob. Beckett. Beckett, who later practices for the farm. Can you say Josh? Josh. Widdicombe. Pretty good. God, where?

• 2:06Speaker 02

  Grace, can you say Rob?

• 2:09Speaker 05

  Rob.

• 2:10Speaker 02

  Beckett.

• 2:10Speaker 03

  He don't want to do it. He don't want to do it. His arse not in it.

• 2:13Speaker 02

  Josh. Widdicombe.

• 2:20Speaker 03

  Who is that prison warden that's been dragged into that fun group?

• 2:24Speaker 02

  He doesn't get even named.

• 2:30Speaker 03

  That is, he's not wanted to do that, has he?

• 2:32Speaker 02

  Dear Rob, Josh and Michael, sorry, it's a long one, but it's fine with us. Uh, but here are our just turned two year old twin girls, Olivia and Grace, and the best attempt to date at your names. Thanks for the laughs. Catherine Chambers from Counting Durham. My husband is from Hertfordshire and we now live in Whitley Bay in the northeast coast.

• 2:52Speaker 03

  Right. Maybe it explains his mood.

• 2:55Speaker 02

  He's not happy, is he?

• 3:00Speaker 03

  I think he loves his wife and family. He's just, he's gone to Hertfordshire. I love Whitley Bay, nice place, but.

• 3:06Speaker 02

  Do you love Whitley Bay?

• 3:07Speaker 03

  He might love it. Um, I've been there. I've got friends there. It's very lovely and a nice place to visit when I'm in Newcastle. Can't fault it. Actually a nice little day trip out if you want to get out of the city centre somewhere close to like the beach. Would I want to live there? Probably not.

• 3:22Speaker 02

  No.

• 3:23Speaker 03

  Cause I've got no links there.

• 3:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:25Speaker 03

  But I would obviously move if my partner was from there. But, you know, would I really live in Bromley if there wasn't loads of childcare? Probably not.

• 3:34Speaker 02

  Where would you live?

• 3:36Speaker 03

  New York, Manhattan, Times Square. No, I'm joking. Where would I live?

• 3:43Speaker 03

  Uh, to be fair, I like where we are, but I think I'd be on the same edge of London, but maybe a little bit more.

• 3:52Speaker 02

  Here's a good question, Rob.

• 3:53Speaker 03

  Towards the west or north, like Hertfordshire or.

• 3:57Speaker 02

  I want you to.

• 3:58Speaker 03

  Become? Well, what's happened? Have I lost some money?

• 4:02Speaker 02

  I want you to name your houses, please.

• 4:06Speaker 03

  Honestly, even if you've got the money, I find it hassle.

• 4:09Speaker 02

  So you're just sticking with?

• 4:11Speaker 03

  I'm just stick, I'm sticking with where I am.

• 4:13Speaker 02

  You're sticking with what?

• 4:14Speaker 03

  Yeah. I'm staying in the house I'm in.

• 4:16Speaker 02

  You're not.

• 4:17Speaker 03

  I am. I can't be bothered with extra rooms. I got, I, I can't, honestly, I've been, I've, how do I word this? I've been to too many big sad houses to realise big is not better.

• 4:31Speaker 03

  I'm not naming names.

• 4:33Speaker 02

  Name some names.

• 4:34Speaker 03

  But, no, look, I, the, the kids, I wouldn't want to move the kids' school.

• 4:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:39Speaker 03

  So I might get somewhere, I might, I've not looked because I'm happy where I am, but I probably would find somewhere maybe that was a bit fancier than what we've got now. But not much bigger, but could have, you know, I don't know.

• 4:51Speaker 02

  Buy a kind of 20 million pound Holland Park style mansion in London.

• 4:57Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no.

• 4:58Speaker 02

  As a kind of place to go.

• 5:00Speaker 03

  I wouldn't want to live there, but then I wouldn't want it that big, maybe, maybe.

• 5:04Speaker 02

  Where are your foreign houses?

• 5:05Speaker 03

  A place in central London. I'd get a place like in central London, like, that's like a, one of them really like Mary Poppins townhouses.

• 5:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:13Speaker 03

  Type, type of thing, right in the middle of town. So we could have that nights out, days out.

• 5:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:17Speaker 03

  And it's a base. I'd have somewhere where we are now, even my house, or if something come up near here and close to the kids' school, I might move, but it just depends what there is.

• 5:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:28Speaker 03

  I wouldn't move location. Um, I'd probably, I, I, you know, the thing is I might get like a villa in Spain or something, but I don't like going back to the same place. I'd rather spend all my money on first class flights and the best hotel in a city.

• 5:42Speaker 02

  Yeah. So you'd have, you'd have a place and you'd have a place.

• 5:44Speaker 03

  I'd have a private jet. I'd have a, I'd have a private jet. Yeah, but a fucking massive house in Florida.

• 5:50Speaker 02

  Here we go. Now we're, now we're getting down to rock back here.

• 5:53Speaker 03

  I'm in, actually, I'm in. Come on, here we go. Yeah, I'll have a massive mental villa near Disney.

• 5:59Speaker 02

  Right.

• 5:59Speaker 03

  In Orlando. I'm having an apartment in New York.

• 6:03Speaker 02

  Suddenly, I did, suddenly.

• 6:06Speaker 03

  I've got the bug mouth. We're going skiing next, next half term. So maybe I might get a fucking little chalet, one of them little chateaus. But I, I'd definitely get a private jet to zoom around on if I was a billionaire.

• 6:20Speaker 02

  What about a thingy? A, um, a, a big boat.

• 6:25Speaker 03

  A yacht.

• 6:26Speaker 02

  A yacht, that's what they're called.

• 6:27Speaker 03

  A super yacht. No, I don't like being on the sea.

• 6:30Speaker 02

  Can I say this, having never been on one? What, what?

• 6:33Speaker 03

  For the record, I've never been on a super yacht.

• 6:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I don't get it. Why do they want to be on a big hotel on a boat?

• 6:42Speaker 03

  I think because they can move around from bay to bay and just go wherever they want, whenever they want. So they have that freedom. And I think that they use that to get around so they can travel overnight and sleep and just wake up in a new place. But a lot of them will come off the boat sometimes to go like to hotels or villas in that place and parties and stuff.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:05Speaker 03

  But I don't think I'd have a, I'd have a private jet and I'd have a place in central London, where I am now, somewhere bigger, maybe an apartment in New York. And I'd have a mental villa in Florida that was just insane to go to the parks.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think once you'd gone to your mental villa in Florida and your Mary Poppins house in London. I don't think you'd spend as much time in your current house in Kent as you think.

• 7:28Speaker 03

  No, I would. I like, do you know what? This is something I've learned about happiness, Josh, right?

• 7:34Speaker 02

  Here we go.

• 7:35Speaker 03

  I don't want to go all deep on you.

• 7:36Speaker 02

  Here we go.

• 7:37Speaker 03

  But being able to be bored and slip under the boredom so that you're just floating along with it. And when I say boredom, I mean like doing just normal boring things.

• 7:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:47Speaker 03

  School run, dishwasher.

• 7:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course.

• 7:50Speaker 03

  Sorting out the house, that kind of stuff.

• 7:54Speaker 03

  I, because you could either be.

• 7:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:57Speaker 03

  Too busy trying to do things or do this, do that.

• 8:00Speaker 02

  Did you get a dishwasher in your big house?

• 8:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know, but I think it's exhausting trying to do fun stuff all the time.

• 8:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:09Speaker 03

  There is a, there's a, there's a world where slipping into a routine is actually good for you. And being slightly bored is quite good for you. If you're totally engaged with like panic and fear or excitement and, you know, overdoing it is too much.

• 8:25Speaker 02

  I think winning the Euro Millions would be wasted on you.

• 8:28Speaker 03

  Well, do you know what happened? When I first got a proper job and realised I could afford to eat KFC every lunch.

• 8:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:34Speaker 03

  I did, and do you know what happened to me? I got fat and unhappy.

• 8:36Speaker 02

  Here we go.

• 8:37Speaker 03

  But at the time I thought this was the greatest thing ever. I could, I can have a Zinger burger every lunchtime and afford it.

• 8:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, you mess with a fucking rabbit in the afternoon.

• 8:46Speaker 03

  And basically that gets repeated every level up you go.

• 8:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:51Speaker 03

  Until you're sat on your super yacht in Monaco going, I don't even fucking like France.

• 8:56Speaker 02

  Well, it's all right. Monaco is a, is a principled, it's all right.

• 8:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, but you, yes, yeah, you, you know what I meant.

• 9:04Speaker 03

  What about you? What would you do? You'd just have them keep being redecorated all the time. Where would you, what house would you get them roof?

• 9:11Speaker 02

  The thing is, you are right. You go, I like where I live. I'm near to the school. I don't want to live in the middle of nowhere.

• 9:19Speaker 03

  It's important for the children to have a home that feels is the bones of the family.

• 9:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:24Speaker 03

  It's almost like the, the home for me is, is the meat of a roast dinner.

• 9:29Speaker 02

  If you're in London, I get it. You go, well, if I had unlimited funds in London, I would buy one of those £20 million houses because.

• 9:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:38Speaker 02

  But when you're in Exeter, if you bought, there's no such thing.

• 9:42Speaker 03

  That's what billionaire is put. I feel like this house we've got here, I am injecting fa- family and memories into the walls.

• 9:51Speaker 02

  You need to stop doing that.

• 9:52Speaker 03

  There's memories, like wood rot in this house that you can have as much money as you want, but you can't replicate that. You can have fun in other places, hence the private jet and all the holidays that I would do if I was a billionaire. But wherever your home is, that is so important.

• 10:07Speaker 02

  If you were a billionaire, would you try and go into space? Would you be one of those wankers?

• 10:11Speaker 03

  No, no, no, fuck that.

• 10:12Speaker 02

  I just have so little in, I have no interest in going into space.

• 10:17Speaker 03

  No, absolutely. Billionaire's mental though. It's like, that is a personality trait that drives people to that.

• 10:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:24Speaker 03

  There's plenty of people that have earned really good money, like business, like for hundreds of million and they're like loaded, but they, they don't, they just tap out.

• 10:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:32Speaker 03

  It's these nutters that double down.

• 10:33Speaker 02

  Michael, where's your billionaire property portfolio? It's a mad house in Manhattan, presumably.

• 10:38Speaker 06

  Uh, yeah, like a huge penthouse in Manhattan, somewhere in London. And then I'd spend, I'd spend the rest of it on funding my films and other people's films.

• 10:46Speaker 03

  Oh, so generous.

• 10:47Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 10:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'd, I'd donate all mine to charity, actually.

• 10:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, so would I.

• 10:51Speaker 03

  But I, I do think it just becomes a bit of an admin nightmare. Just, oh, fuck, I've got to sort out the fucking house insurance. I know you get something to do with that job, but then you've still got to talk to someone about that job that is trying to insure 10 properties around the world. Just turns into a massive ball ache, doesn't it? And then you feel, oh, I've got to go there.

• 11:07Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, I've got that place in the St Lucia. I haven't been there in like a year. What a fucking waste of fucking council tax.

• 11:15Speaker 03

  I think at the start it'll be well exciting, but after about five years, it would become a drain and you would just end up being in one of them.

• 11:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:21Speaker 03

  Wherever your kids are, basically.

• 11:22Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 11:23Speaker 06

  You could buy a football club.

• 11:24Speaker 02

  You'd buy a football club.

• 11:25Speaker 03

  Buy a football club.

• 11:26Speaker 02

  No fucking way.

• 11:27Speaker 06

  No.

• 11:27Speaker 03

  Buy Exeter. You could buy Exeter and just launch them up the leagues.

• 11:30Speaker 02

  I don't want to launch Exeter up the leagues.

• 11:32Speaker 03

  Oh, sorry, Plymouth you are, and you have to go.

• 11:34Speaker 02

  I don't want to buy Plymouth and launch them up the leagues.

• 11:36Speaker 03

  How much is, yeah, you could buy Plymouth. Why not?

• 11:38Speaker 02

  What, if I'm a billionaire?

• 11:40Speaker 03

  Yes, a lot of ball. You have to go watch Plymouth every week. Who wants to do that?

• 11:43Speaker 02

  Then we'd like, I'd have to sack the manager and feel awkward about it and it'd be awful.

• 11:51Speaker 03

  I've just typed in Plymouth Worth and it's come up. Is Plymouth Worth visiting?

• 11:56Speaker 02

  And?

• 11:56Speaker 03

  And according to a, an AI overview, yeah.

• 11:59Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 12:00Speaker 03

  Yes, Plymouth is worth visiting for its rich maritime history, stunning coastal views and vibrant waterfront districts.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  See, it probably is worth visiting.

• 12:08Speaker 03

  Though, opinions on its broader city centre are mixed.

• 12:13Speaker 02

  And they're not mixed.

• 12:15Speaker 03

  Um, yes, Bromley is well worth a visit, especially if you enjoy a mix of green spaces, local history and easy day trips from central London.

• 12:22Speaker 02

  Put, where is not worth a visit? Where in the UK is not worth a visit?

• 12:30Speaker 03

  Oh, this is testing for, opinions of places not worth visiting in the UK focus on overcrowded tourist traps, post-industrial run-down towns, suffering from underinvestment. So, oh, this is bleak.

• 12:40Speaker 02

  Stop dodging the fucking question, AI.

• 12:43Speaker 03

  Now, to be fair, they've come up, they've come up, uh, overrated or overcrowded tourist spots. Stoneenge?

• 12:49Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:49Speaker 03

  Overhyped and crowded. I do, I do, I, I.

• 12:52Speaker 02

  I like Stoneenge. I love Stoneenge.

• 12:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, of course. Oxford Street, yeah.

• 12:55Speaker 02

  Oxford Street is fucking shit.

• 12:59Speaker 03

  They've pedestrianised it now, so it might be nice.

• 13:01Speaker 02

  Quote me on that.

• 13:02Speaker 03

  Blackpool's got, getting a kicking in.

• 13:04Speaker 02

  I like Blackpool. The shops on Oxford Street are awful.

• 13:11Speaker 03

  Middlesbrough and Walsall.

• 13:12Speaker 02

  I tell you, I haven't got opinions on that.

• 13:15Speaker 03

  No, they're just frequently appearing near the top of deprivation, high crime rankings.

• 13:20Speaker 02

  Oh, God.

• 13:21Speaker 03

  They offer very little for casual tourists, the holidaymakers. Look, and.

• 13:24Speaker 02

  If you were the middle of Middlesbrough, I would.

• 13:27Speaker 03

  Well, I'd just go into Walsall for a couple of nights. Are you working? No, no, just away with the kids. What are you going to do there? Dunno.

• 13:35Speaker 02

  Sorry, did you say Warsaw? No?

• 13:37Speaker 03

  Warsaw, no, Warsaw.

• 13:39Speaker 02

  I find Stoke difficult because it's seven different towns. I never really work, know where I am with it.

• 13:43Speaker 03

  Is it?

• 13:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like seven different towns as one, isn't it?

• 13:47Speaker 03

  Couldn't tell you. No idea.

• 13:48Speaker 02

  I just told you.

• 13:50Speaker 03

  Shall we, um, do some correspondence?

• 13:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, why not?

• 13:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, let's do some correspondence. Right, here we go. Show Josh the internet clips. You want one of these?

• 13:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, go on. Tell me about it then. I'll Google it.

• 14:00Speaker 03

  Okay, you can click the link. Uh, good day, fellas. Show Josh the internet. One of my all times favourite, a monkey lobbing a turd at an old lady.

• 14:07Speaker 02

  Oh, that seems a shame.

• 14:08Speaker 03

  What the internet was made for. Love the pod. Listen every week in Perth, Australia. From Dave Pearce, not the old Radio 1 DJ, smashing out dance anthems. Another Dave Pearce.

• 14:26Speaker 03

  That can't be real.

• 14:29Speaker 03

  Oh god, it is real.

• 14:31Speaker 02

  That is good. That is good.

• 14:33Speaker 03

  It must be real. It's nine years ago.

• 14:35Speaker 02

  But I don't believe.

• 14:37Speaker 03

  There is a chimpanzee shit on her nose.

• 14:39Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 14:42Speaker 03

  Where'd you go from there?

• 14:43Speaker 02

  How do you go from there?

• 14:44Speaker 03

  It's on that car. It just, it lands so well on the, I mean, I feel sorry for her.

• 14:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:49Speaker 03

  Imagine being, she's about 70. She's been wheeled round.

• 14:52Speaker 02

  You hadn't heard of that clip either.

• 14:54Speaker 03

  No, it's not competition about who's saying more. I'm just saying.

• 14:56Speaker 02

  It's not like an internet classic, is it? But it should be.

• 14:59Speaker 03

  It should be. I mean, it's not getting enough love. She's, imagine she's 70, being wheeled round, she's in a wheelchair, parked up at the chimpanzee enclosure. Fucking, how's your luck? Right, do you want getting Alfred by an in-law?

• 15:12Speaker 02

  Getting what?

• 15:13Speaker 03

  Alfred, Alfred male. You recently asked about Alfred. Also, I want Alfred by the, the mum as well, female Alphas as well, because, you know, they can get a little bit elbow-y as well as the men. You recently asked about Alfred in-laws. When I first met my ex's family, I went round for dinner. His family were gently teasing my ex and he asked, why does everyone pick on me? To try joining in with a banter, I said, you've just got one of those faces. At this point, my ex's dad picked up a carving knife and pointed it towards my face and said, that's my face. Mine might be a bit rounder and balder, but that's still my face.

• 15:51Speaker 02

  Oh my God.

• 15:53Speaker 03

  So, but she didn't even say it about the in-law's face. She said it about.

• 15:57Speaker 02

  His sons.

• 15:58Speaker 03

  I gulped and apologised and continued with my dinner in silence. We went on to date eight more years. David from Lancashire. Oh dear. Right, what do you fancy here, Josh? Boomer parenting. Do you want to do one? I don't mind doing another one.

• 16:11Speaker 02

  Here we go. Here we go. Shagger's Stories. Just listened to your Playground Shagger's episode and thought I'd send this in. Two couples I know from school were best friends, going round each other's houses at weekends, all going on holidays together. They both have three kids each, all the same age as each other. One day, one of these couples went to Cornwall on holiday by themselves, inbreeding without the other family.

• 16:35Speaker 03

  Josh, your eyes open.

• 16:36Speaker 02

  It's very bright.

• 16:40Speaker 03

  I couldn't see your eyes. It's like you memorised it and were just talking.

• 16:47Speaker 03

  So, how tired's Josh? He's got his eyes shut. How would you, oh, can I have a 360 in this office?

• 16:56Speaker 03

  Is it bleak?

• 16:58Speaker 02

  No, bleak would imply that it's got.

• 17:04Speaker 02

  Whoa.

• 17:07Speaker 02

  It's that.

• 17:18Speaker 03

  You're going to go insane in there.

• 17:20Speaker 02

  I'm only here once a week.

• 17:23Speaker 03

  It's so white.

• 17:29Speaker 03

  Sorry, sorry, Karen.

• 17:34Speaker 03

  There's nothing in there.

• 17:36Speaker 02

  I only got the keys at 9am today.

• 17:41Speaker 02

  I have some fucking pictures.

• 17:50Speaker 02

  Literally, got the keys, came up and started packing.

• 17:53Speaker 03

  It's literally the saddest place I've ever seen.

• 18:08Speaker 03

  It looks like the kind of room an artist gets to go, I'm going to deprive myself of any stimulation to see what I create.

• 18:15Speaker 02

  What should be in it?

• 18:17Speaker 03

  I don't know, but I wasn't expecting, it's so, you look like you're opening a dentist.

• 18:23Speaker 03

  Oh, just made me laugh. Sorry.

• 18:25Speaker 02

  That is fine.

• 18:26Speaker 03

  Your eyes are shut in this completely white room, like you're broadcasting from a fridge.

• 18:35Speaker 03

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• 20:28Speaker 03

  So, I've got the giggles.

• 20:32Speaker 02

  One day, one of these couples went to Cornwall on holiday by themselves without the other family. The mum confessed that she loved the dad of the other family and wanted to be him, with him whilst they were on holiday. This resulted in the dad of the other family telling his wife that he also loved the other mum. He drove all the way to Cornwall, picked her up, and she left the family holiday to be with him. Fuck me.

• 20:56Speaker 03

  So the two families went on holiday together?

• 20:58Speaker 02

  No. They always go to, went on holiday together. They always went on holiday together. Then they had a separate one where one of the camp families went to Cornwall on their own without the other family. And while on this holiday, the mum of the holidaying family said she wanted to be with the dad of the other family.

• 21:16Speaker 03

  And he drove down and got her? And the kids are there?

• 21:20Speaker 02

  Cornwall picked her up. She left the family holiday to be with him. She did not take any of her children, even the nine-month-old.

• 21:28Speaker 03

  I've got, I, how selfish do you have to be? Or how weak do you have to be? Just,

• 21:39Speaker 02

  Wait till you get home.

• 21:40Speaker 03

  I don't know if I'm speaking out of turn here. And I always think, oh, maybe I'm just lucky in the relationship I'm in, or am I naive, or am I ignorant? But surely, if you are not happy in a relationship, leave that person. But you have to do it in the right way. This is insane.

• 21:57Speaker 02

  Okay, I want you, when we get to the end of this, I want you to talk me through how you're gonna, how you would best leave Lou. They shacked up together at her mum's. They've now been together for four years, have a child together. Wow. She still does not have her, have her children. Just every other weekend, and the eldest refuses to go.

• 22:18Speaker 03

  I'm not surprised, and quite right as well.

• 22:20Speaker 02

  When I spoke to her about it, all she said was they never had sex or anything before they split their marriages up. I don't believe this. Sad, really. But it was great gossip at the time.

• 22:33Speaker 03

  I, this obsession about I didn't have sex with them. It's like, it's way beyond that. It's, it'd be better if you just fucked him at a work do, and then go, went, oh my God, I'm obviously not happy in a relationship. That was mental. Why did I do that? Here's what I'd do is, I'd sit down with my husband, tell them we need to break up, work out a plan before the children know, and talk to them and have a plan together to deal with this. Not, I'll just get them to come and pick me up. It's insane for the children. What a horrendous thing to, to do to a child.

• 23:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:05Speaker 03

  It's mental. Sorry. Maybe I'm too earnest. I've just got no sympathy for them. Sometimes I think I'm too clinical, but then, or am I the right one? And they're all nutters.

• 23:17Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 23:17Speaker 03

  It's not, he's in the minority.

• 23:20Speaker 02

  So say you're going-

• 23:21Speaker 03

  I'm very black and white with this kind of stuff.

• 23:23Speaker 02

  You're going out with Lou?

• 23:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:25Speaker 02

  You're married.

• 23:25Speaker 03

  Where we go. A bitter kid.

• 23:27Speaker 02

  Yeah. Have you got a couple that you're close friends with?

• 23:31Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, yeah.

• 23:32Speaker 02

  Okay, we won't name them.

• 23:33Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 23:34Speaker 02

  So you think, God, I-

• 23:36Speaker 03

  Simon and Barbara.

• 23:37Speaker 02

  Simon and Barbara. Jeez. I think I'm in love with-

• 23:41Speaker 03

  We've been on loads of family holidays.

• 23:43Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 23:43Speaker 03

  So I think I'm in love with Lou. I'm in love with Barbara. Actually, we're on holiday. I know we normally go, and she's your friend, but I'm actually in love with her so much that I can't even possibly deal with the rest of this holiday, so Barbara's gonna collect me. What? What you do is, you suffer the holiday, you get home, send the kids to school, and when they're at school, you say, look, Lou, I've got to talk. And you sit down and you lay it out. You're not in love anymore. I want a divorce. What is the best course of action to do this, to minimise impact on kids? That surely is just the way it should be. Barbara doesn't need to come and get me. Am I mentioning Barbara?

• 24:22Speaker 03

  If she says, is there anyone else? I'll say, yeah, Barbara. Because you have to. But I wouldn't have let it get to that point.

• 24:31Speaker 02

  So-

• 24:31Speaker 03

  I may have, I would have, the point, I thought, I really like Barbara. Go on.

• 24:36Speaker 02

  Would you have said to Lou before you said to Barbara?

• 24:40Speaker 03

  Me? Getting a divorce does not depend on Barbara liking me back. The fact that I really like Barbara, and if Barbara did like me, I'd start a relationship with Barbara, that should be the end point of the relationship. Barbara needs to be ignorance is bliss. Yeah? And then once I've had that chat, then I can say to Barbara-

• 24:58Speaker 02

  And you go, Barbara doesn't know this. But I fucking love to bang her.

• 25:03Speaker 03

  Just so you know, once the kids are happy and you're happy, I'm just gonna try and fuck Barbara. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she is my soulmate, actually. What, out of all the women in the world, the one that you happen to spend half terms with, you wanna fuck? Yeah, I do, yeah. Surely, if you're in a marriage that's not working, leave the marriage and go and fuck a load of strangers. Why are you bothering with Barbara?

• 25:21Speaker 02

  Is that Lou or is that you now?

• 25:23Speaker 03

  I'm talking to myself. Well, I'm talking to myself at the, I don't know who I'm talking to. I'm talking, who wants to fuck Barbara? Me?

• 25:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I don't, but if it was me, I wouldn't. I would go and shag loads of people I don't know.

• 25:34Speaker 02

  Okay. But what if you wanted last-

• 25:36Speaker 03

  Barbara's not the answer.

• 25:37Speaker 02

  Barbara's never the answer.

• 25:39Speaker 03

  No.

• 25:39Speaker 02

  What if you thought Barbara was the answer? You'd have to give it a go, wouldn't you?

• 25:44Speaker 03

  Yes, but I probably wouldn't after ruining, not ruining, because it's not ruining if you break up in a healthy relationship, but after ending a relationship that had kids involved, my next portal call wouldn't be, Barbara, you need to leave your husband and kids so I can bang you.

• 25:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:59Speaker 03

  It would be, leave Barbara to carry on. If she ends up getting a divorce down the line, we'd have a little 60s leg up.

• 26:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:06Speaker 03

  Yeah?

• 26:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:07Speaker 03

  And then do your own thing. If Lou, I've always said this, if Lou left me, I would just, wouldn't bother in a relationship till the girls were 18. Obviously, I'd shag about, but I wouldn't have a partner or anything like that. Something that was separate to them, and do that, and just focus on them. Because they're gonna be 18, 20s, and not, won't give a shit, and then I could do what I want. It's close. And that is a deal you make when you have kids.

• 26:30Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 26:30Speaker 03

  They're the priority, not you.

• 26:32Speaker 02

  There you go, Rob.

• 26:32Speaker 03

  So put your dick in your pants and leave Barbara alone.

• 26:35Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 26:36Speaker 03

  Sorry, I got angry.

• 26:37Speaker 02

  I enjoyed it.

• 26:37Speaker 03

  I don't know why, I'm not even a child of divorce. It feels like I've got absolutely no-

• 26:43Speaker 02

  Skin in the game?

• 26:44Speaker 03

  No skin in the game, at all with that. But I don't, generally, I can't deal with dishonesty, Josh.

• 26:52Speaker 02

  No.

• 26:53Speaker 03

  At all. I'd just rather someone be honest with me at all times, whether it's a positive or negative. At least I know where I stand with them.

• 26:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:59Speaker 03

  I can't have inauthenticity.

• 27:01Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 27:01Speaker 03

  Sends me mad.

• 27:02Speaker 02

  Right, well, I think this bit's getting boring, so we should move on. Is that honest enough?

• 27:05Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, no, actually, I'm gonna go, yeah. Well, okay, all right then, I will fuck Barbara. Is that what you want from this bit? Is that more fun for you? Do you play me like a little thunderbird that you stand up there and I dance around with you?

• 27:19Speaker 02

  Is Barbara fit in this thing?

• 27:22Speaker 03

  To be fair, Barbara's really, really fit, which makes me look even more moral.

• 27:27Speaker 03

  Even though she's so fit and I still wouldn't shag her. That's how great I am.

• 27:30Speaker 02

  I was begging for you to-

• 27:31Speaker 03

  Oh, Barbara's absolutely desperate for it. Every time we go around, she's flirting with me. Invite, she invites me around for a barbecue. I turned up, she's naked, holding a queue. Where are you gonna pop that? Back off, Barbara. Then I do a pink and then brown joke about snooker. Yeah.

• 27:52Speaker 02

  Barbara goes, that's a shame.

• 27:54Speaker 03

  It is a shame, isn't it? But, you know, what can you do?

• 27:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:57Speaker 03

  What do you want here? What's this really about? Maybe I, maybe that's about me.

• 28:05Speaker 03

  Here we go. Um, oh, boomer, pet, do you want boomer?

• 28:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'll take a boomer.

• 28:10Speaker 03

  Right. Hi, Rob and Josh and Michael. I have a boomer parenting story from the 90s when I was about five. I was a very fussy eater in my early years, and while my dad was at work, my mum would operate an eat it or wear it policy in a desperate attempt to coerce me into eating dinner. This was, this policy was pretty much what you're imagining. If I refused to eat my dinner, it would go on my head. So it just happened, I disliked all the foods you'd least like to be covered in, such as baked beans and spaghetti hoops. It wasn't uncommon for my dad to get home from work to find me casually playing with my toys with dried baked beans all over my head and in my hair.

• 28:47Speaker 02

  That is mental. That is mental.

• 28:50Speaker 03

  In my defence, I think my mum would be embarrassed about it now, but the rest of us laugh about it.

• 28:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, she fucking would be.

• 28:56Speaker 03

  Hey, this is Alex from Berkshire, 408 mums. What a fuck, why were mums in the 90s obsessed with you eating your dinner? You're allowed to be full.

• 29:05Speaker 02

  Can I ask a question? Which food's most and least likely poured over your head?

• 29:10Speaker 03

  I mean, anything fishy?

• 29:13Speaker 02

  Chips would be ideal for, for not eating, wouldn't it? Because they just bounce off you.

• 29:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, chips or mash, because you could get that in one big handful.

• 29:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:22Speaker 03

  Well, like, potatoes would bounce off. Soups, your big problem. You know, that's the white, that's the elephant, that's the elephant in the room.

• 29:28Speaker 02

  Custard would be a nightmare.

• 29:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, but who's not finishing custard? Do you know what I mean?

• 29:36Speaker 02

  Soup's-

• 29:37Speaker 03

  Broccoli would sort of bounce off.

• 29:38Speaker 02

  Broccoli would be fine. Actually, this, this theory doesn't make you eat your vegetables. It makes you eat the things that are probably not the best for you. Your beans.

• 29:47Speaker 03

  Plowing through pea soup again, so you don't get big green head.

• 29:51Speaker 02

  Well, like, peas would be fine.

• 29:53Speaker 03

  That, I'm so sorry, Alex, about that. That is such a horrible thing. Eat it or wear it.

• 29:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:58Speaker 03

  Oh, that is, that, I don't wanna say it, but that is abuse.

• 30:01Speaker 02

  And Yorkshire pudding would be fine.

• 30:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, pop that on, a little hat. Actually, quite fun.

• 30:04Speaker 02

  Don't eat your toast in the morning, fine.

• 30:06Speaker 03

  But I like Yorkshire pudding's nightmare. Wanted to wear it. Fucking hell. It's nutcases.

• 30:13Speaker 02

  People are mad, aren't they?

• 30:15Speaker 03

  Boomer parent. I grew up in a remote hamlet in Cornwall. This'll be good. When I was seven, my dad and I went on a bike ride. We hit a steep hill and I flew it down it as fast as I possibly could. Halfway down, I hit a pothole, went flying over the handlebars. I landed face-first on the tarmac, blood everywhere, face, legs, knees, down to the bone. I genuinely thought I was dying. Almost immediately, a car pulled up. A young couple, visibly shocked in the middle of nowhere, an absolute miracle. While lay there crying in agony, my dad walked over to the car, slowly looked around the back seats, shook his head and said, thanks for the offer, but I'm worried my son will get blood on your seats, and you won't be able to get the stain out. You'd never forgive us. They drove off.

• 30:54Speaker 02

  Oh my God.

• 30:56Speaker 03

  My dad helped me up and said, come on, it's not far. It was three miles.

• 31:00Speaker 02

  Oh my God.

• 31:01Speaker 03

  I spent the next few days in hospital and several months in a wheelchair.

• 31:05Speaker 02

  Fucking hell.

• 31:06Speaker 03

  Thirty years later, I can safely say that walk was the hardest thing I've ever done, all because my dad didn't want to inconvenience a stranger's upholstery. Right, now this in defence of the dad here, he probably thought, oh, it's not that bad. He didn't realise how bad it was. And two, he's probably a bit panicky. But yeah, I think you take, take the lift, don't you?

• 31:29Speaker 02

  I think-

• 31:30Speaker 03

  If there's that much blood, seven-year-old-

• 31:32Speaker 02

  Do you need to walk in that situation? If you can walk-

• 31:34Speaker 03

  Surely go to the shoulders. If you're seven, I could take my seven-year-old.

• 31:42Speaker 03

  Not if the bike, the broke's bike, but the, the bike's broken from the fall. And you've got to put, I suppose you've got to push the bikes along.

• 31:48Speaker 02

  I think if I'm the dad and then if you've got to get to the hospital, I'm thinking, jettison one of the bikes. No one's going to steal a bike in sleepy Cornwall.

• 31:59Speaker 03

  No, leave two bikes.

• 32:00Speaker 02

  I think leave one and then push the child on the other one.

• 32:04Speaker 03

  No, I think just get in the car. Pay for the upholstery.

• 32:07Speaker 02

  Oh, no, no. I, I mean, if you haven't got the car option.

• 32:10Speaker 03

  Right, yeah. You, you leave the bikes, you carry your kid.

• 32:13Speaker 02

  Would you? Three miles?

• 32:15Speaker 03

  Yeah. So five K? What's that? What's three miles walk? Hour? Maybe hour and a half?

• 32:22Speaker 02

  Oh my word. You just do it though, wouldn't you?

• 32:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, because I'm just such a great guy, as discussed.

• 32:29Speaker 02

  Because, you know, you just got that superhuman power that comes from deep, deep love.

• 32:36Speaker 01

  If high interest credit card debt is keeping you up at night, you're not alone. Interest rates as high as 21% APR can do that to you. Rocket Mortgage can help. A home equity loan from Rocket Mortgage could cut your interest rate by more than half. So you could wipe out your high interest credit card debt without touching your current mortgage rate. See how much you could save at rocketmortgage.com. Rocket Mortgage LLC, licensed in 50 states. NMLS consumeraccess.org number 3030. Call 8004ROCKET for full program details. The award-winning series The Diplomat is back for its fourth season. Now streaming only on Netflix. Keri Russell stars as Kate Wyler. In a stunning realisation, Kate connects the dots that Russia's most powerful weapon is missing.

• 33:18Speaker 01

  And her husband Hal conspired with President Grace Penn in a dangerous plan to steal it, all behind her back. Kate is left reeling as she begins to question Hal's growing relationship with President Penn. Emmy winner Alison Janney returns with Rufus Sewell and Bradley Whitford. Watch The Diplomat, now playing only on Netflix. Finding a doctor is hard enough. Finding the right doctor, even harder. Someone who takes your insurance, has an available appointment when you need one, and feels like someone you can actually open up to. That's where Zocdoc comes in. Download the Zocdoc app to search and compare doctors by specialty, insurance, and availability. Read real patient reviews, find the right fit for you, and book instantly. Because getting seen by the right doctor matters. Zocdoc. Ready to be seen?

• 34:03Speaker 01

  Download the Zocdoc app today.

• 34:09Speaker 03

  Right. Solidarity or solid Karen? Parenting help, parenting hell? In a recent episode, Rob shared how he told a woman the sun was shining on her baby's face in the back of the car in a car park and questioned if this was Karen behaviour. This reminded me of my own Karen encounter over parent and child parking spaces. Pre-children, I was blissfully ignorant on how useful these parking spots were to parents. Once I had kids and experienced trying to squeeze a car seat through a tiny gap of the car door in a standard car park space, the penny dropped. And those extra wide parent and child spaces made life for two under two much easier. It then annoyed me to regularly see people with no children use these.

• 34:47Speaker 02

  Preach.

• 34:48Speaker 03

  One day, yep, one day whilst loading, shopping into the car boot of my car in a supermarket car park with my husband, I watched him stroll to his car parked next to us in our parent and child bay. He was alone, not a child in sight. Thinking this was my opportunity, I'm a bit like that. I'm looking for a row with these spaces, especially when I had little kids, but now mine are older, it's calmed down. Thinking this was my opportunity, I went for it. I bellowed, excuse me. These spaces are for people with children. He replied immediately with, my wife and kids are inside the shop. I'd forgotten my wallet, so I'm just coming back to my car for it. My husband just stared at me. I quickly had to apologise to the poor bloke.

• 35:29Speaker 03

  To make matters worse, I'd done a big shop, so was still loading the car when he returned with his wife and kids.

• 35:34Speaker 02

  Oh no. Oh no.

• 35:36Speaker 03

  Since then, I kept quiet when seeing people misuse these spaces. I think park where the hell you want to. LOL. Katie from Doncaster. Can I tell her what she'd done wrong there, Josh?

• 35:45Speaker 02

  What?

• 35:47Speaker 03

  She didn't look in the car to check. The way to do it is check for the car seats. If there's no car seat, free rein. Unless you're very unlucky and the car seat's going from somewhere else, but you've got to check inside the car before you say something.

• 36:01Speaker 02

  They could have older kids, couldn't they? They were non-car suity city kids.

• 36:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, but then I argue you don't need the spaces if you've got older kids.

• 36:07Speaker 02

  So why is the space for car seats? I don't quite get that. I always just presumed you've got a bit more space because kids need to get in and out and stuff like that.

• 36:14Speaker 03

  Well, you need to get in and out and put the baby in. I don't think like an eight-year-old, really, you don't, I've got eight and 10. I'm like, do I really, do they really need this?

• 36:24Speaker 02

  I think car park spaces are too tight and they feel like they're getting tighter.

• 36:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, the cars, are cars getting bigger though, Josh?

• 36:34Speaker 02

  Maybe cars are getting, they, it's, it's very rare now, if I'm not using a family space, that I'm not shimmying.

• 36:41Speaker 03

  Panicking. Shimmying.

• 36:43Speaker 02

  Like having to squeeze myself out.

• 36:46Speaker 03

  Yeah. What are you, what's your car? Are you going to get a new car, Josh?

• 36:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:51Speaker 03

  You going electric?

• 36:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, we can't, we can't have this discussion again.

• 36:58Speaker 03

  No, why not? Why can't we have a discussion about your car?

• 37:01Speaker 02

  You tell me I should get a, um, um.

• 37:04Speaker 03

  I, I'm very excited for you to get, I'm very excited for you to get a fully electric car. Because I know what you're like and you will never, you can't remember your fucking keys or headphones. You will never, you will never, you've got your key there for the office. Well done. I know you, you're in the office with your key. I, you will never have enough charge in that car and it would be fucking amazing. And I, and I, I, I want this clipped up so that you can tell me a story about when you run out of charge. And I fucking guarantee it'll happen.

• 37:34Speaker 02

  I just can't see it happening. I just can't see it happening.

• 37:36Speaker 03

  You just can't see a world where that happens, no.

• 37:39Speaker 02

  I've never run out of petrol.

• 37:41Speaker 03

  Never run out of petrol?

• 37:42Speaker 02

  No. Have you?

• 37:44Speaker 03

  Have I run, I've never run out of petrol, no. Have run out of charge? Yeah.

• 37:47Speaker 02

  So why is it easier to run out of charge than petrol?

• 37:50Speaker 03

  Because, say no one's charged your car up and you've got to go and drive somewhere, like a couple of hours of driving. And it's sat in the car from your last journey and you forgot to charge it and it's at 20%.

• 38:01Speaker 02

  Right, yeah.

• 38:02Speaker 03

  If your car was at 20% of petrol, you wouldn't run out of petrol because you would fill it up on route.

• 38:08Speaker 02

  Right, I see. Yeah, yeah.

• 38:09Speaker 03

  But if you go to your car and you forgot to plug it in, which can I suggest may happen?

• 38:13Speaker 02

  I just can't see it happening.

• 38:22Speaker 03

  And you get in the car with 20% and you've got to drive out around for the day.

• 38:28Speaker 03

  You'll have to find public charging, which again, I imagine would be really easy and not a problem for you. You'd have the right app, you'd be able, you'd have the right lead and you'd just be able to just, you know, turn up and charge it up. And it wouldn't impact your day at all.

• 38:41Speaker 02

  It's so long since we've cleaned our car. By we, I mean me, because obviously I'm the driver. It's been so long.

• 38:52Speaker 02

  I mean, it's just, it's just, I've just never got around to it.

• 38:57Speaker 03

  I never, I think, I don't care about cars much at all. I think out of anyone I've ever met, you care about cars the least out of any, like to the point where you hate that concept of it and wouldn't have fun if you could get away with it.

• 39:10Speaker 02

  So little interest in cars. And I, I don't, I should say, I don't hate the automobile or resent its existence or like.

• 39:20Speaker 03

  Oh heavens, heaven forbid, anyone thought you hated the automobile.

• 39:23Speaker 02

  I mean, I'm not like, I wish the car had never been, like, finally incredibly useful. I'm glad I've got a car. And I, I'm not like, it's not like my relationship with my phone where I go, I wish I didn't have a phone.

• 39:34Speaker 03

  Yes, it's gone too far with social media. It's like, yeah.

• 39:37Speaker 02

  My car is very useful. I just couldn't have less interest in it. Imagine, Rob.

• 39:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:47Speaker 02

  If people were constantly asking you, um,

• 39:53Speaker 02

  which brand of milk you had and whether you're going to start change brands.

• 39:58Speaker 03

  So what do you drive? Yeah. Yeah. So you're on Cravendale? Yeah? I thought you were thinking about going Oatley?

• 40:04Speaker 02

  Like, imagine if that was constantly a thing that people were asking you. That's how it would feel.

• 40:10Speaker 03

  Well, I think, I think if you got a newer car.

• 40:12Speaker 02

  Well, actually, that's a bad analogy because I do have opinions on milk.

• 40:18Speaker 03

  I think though, if you've got a newer car that was a bit like, you've had that one years and it was old when you got it. If you had one that was a bit newer.

• 40:24Speaker 02

  It was two years old.

• 40:26Speaker 03

  Oh, was it?

• 40:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:27Speaker 03

  Did you feel like, oh, this is a nice new car, I'm going to keep it nice and clean, have that new car sort of buzz?

• 40:32Speaker 02

  I suppose.

• 40:38Speaker 03

  Anyway, I I'm full encouraging of you getting an electric car, by the way. I've not owned it, so that is.

• 40:44Speaker 02

  Good for the pod. Could you get in the back of it and sleep if you've got home and the house is locked?

• 40:49Speaker 03

  I'd argue that the electric car's locking system is a bit more modern, so you may not be able to get in without a key.

• 40:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:56Speaker 03

  But you might have an app on your phone that could open it.

• 40:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly.

• 41:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:01Speaker 02

  I think we need to, with house keys, go to an app-based system.

• 41:09Speaker 03

  I don't, well, I think that would feel dangerous because people could just hack the system and get in.

• 41:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, true.

• 41:15Speaker 03

  Yeah. What about one of them little, little lock things? You can have that somewhere hidden and you have a key, spare key in it and you need a code to get in.

• 41:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think we'll have to do that. Like, it's a holiday rental.

• 41:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, like one of those, if you're an Airbnb, I'd have.

• 41:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:28Speaker 03

  And hide it under your little plant pot or something.

• 41:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:31Speaker 03

  Right, one more bit of correspondence?

• 41:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, go on. I'm hungry.

• 41:35Speaker 03

  This is.

• 41:35Speaker 02

  What are you having for lunch?

• 41:37Speaker 03

  Um, don't know. I've got to see what's in there. Got some beef from leftover from Sunday lunch.

• 41:42Speaker 02

  Have you?

• 41:43Speaker 03

  Food, food.

• 41:44Speaker 02

  What, as in you, you and Lou fell out and it's still?

• 41:49Speaker 03

  I brought Barbara up at the dinner table. Hi Sexy Rob, Josh and Michael. I have, oh, hi Sexy Rob, Sexy Josh and Michael.

• 41:57Speaker 02

  Oh, there we go. That's more like it.

• 41:59Speaker 03

  I have a weird food confession I think you might actually like. Grab a pack of chicken soup noodles, a tin of baked beans and a jug of thick gravy.

• 42:07Speaker 02

  Oh my God, this is, this is not a good one if you, if you don't finish it and it goes on your head.

• 42:12Speaker 03

  Mix it all together in a bowl and stab it between two slices of thick buttered bread.

• 42:18Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 42:19Speaker 03

  Absolutely incre- how northern is this person?

• 42:22Speaker 02

  So, sorry, this is a sandwich. It's soup noodles, baked beans and gravy sandwich.

• 42:27Speaker 03

  Oh, I absolutely love the podcast. I listen to you daily on my dog walks, repeating the same episodes over and over again. Keep being sexy and relatable. Love from Rachel and Sunny Scunny.

• 42:35Speaker 02

  Because that's going to be so much, or is she doing?

• 42:38Speaker 03

  That's a lot.

• 42:39Speaker 02

  Like.

• 42:40Speaker 03

  It's not a whole tin of baked, a tin of, that's a whole tin of baked beans, two massive bits of bread, gravy and chicken soup noodles.

• 42:48Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 42:48Speaker 03

  That's a big, that's a lot of food.

• 42:50Speaker 02

  That is a lot of food.

• 42:51Speaker 03

  Well, maybe that's like, you'd share it with someone, two sandwiches out of that.

• 42:55Speaker 02

  We used to do a cookbook.

• 42:57Speaker 03

  We should do a Parenting Hell weird food cookbook.

• 42:59Speaker 02

  Weird food cookbook.

• 43:00Speaker 03

  That's funny, isn't it? Or a YouTube series where we make it and try it.

• 43:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, that'd be good.

• 43:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, never gets, never gonna happen.

• 43:07Speaker 02

  Can't be bothered.

• 43:09Speaker 03

  No, that would be quite funny though, if we did that and just met up and did a whole day of cooking all this weird shit.

• 43:13Speaker 02

  Oh gosh, yeah, but I'm so tired.

• 43:15Speaker 03

  It'd feel so sick. You're sat there, we're both sat there sucking on an Oxo cube, going, this one's from Karen on the wheel, which is actually our next one. As children, my sister and I got into eating Oxos every night. It became an addiction. We'd put one in our mouth and then one moistened. She would put it on her thumb and I would spread it across palm. What? We would put one in our mouth and then once moistened, she'd put it on her thumb and I would spread it across the palm of my hand and lick it off.

• 43:42Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 43:42Speaker 03

  Fucking hell, it's like mowgli.

• 43:46Speaker 03

  I weaned myself off it, but as an adult got into eating them sprinkled in ready sorted crisps. Due to the massive salt content, I had to go cold turkey and remove them from the house to stop myself.

• 43:55Speaker 02

  One word.

• 43:55Speaker 03

  They taste lovely with a drink of milk. Karen from the wheel, fucking hell.

• 44:00Speaker 02

  I remember when I was a kid getting into pure squash.

• 44:05Speaker 03

  Pure?

• 44:06Speaker 02

  Just occasionally I'd go.

• 44:08Speaker 03

  That's wild.

• 44:09Speaker 02

  I'd go, not, not a full glass, but like almost like.

• 44:12Speaker 03

  Just a little shot.

• 44:13Speaker 02

  Like a shot of squash.

• 44:15Speaker 03

  But was that sort of high jinks and showing off or taste?

• 44:18Speaker 02

  I don't think I was into it. I think I, I liked the thrill of going, fucking hell, I shouldn't be doing this.

• 44:24Speaker 03

  It's a bit rock and roll.

• 44:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:26Speaker 03

  Um, right, small business shout outs?

• 44:29Speaker 02

  I haven't really asked you anything, Michael. Have you got anything to offer on, um, what we've been talking about?

• 44:33Speaker 06

  I don't think there's any bread that exists in the world that could contain that sandwich.

• 44:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:37Speaker 03

  No, you'd have to hollow out your batter or something.

• 44:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, it must be a, a, a big, kind of, are they called doorstep, kind of?

• 44:45Speaker 03

  Or scoop out a baguette and pour it in.

• 44:47Speaker 02

  I loved a crisp sandwich back in the day. Did you have white bread, butter, salt and vinegar walkers? Fucking loved it.

• 44:54Speaker 03

  I'd have that with like cheese and pickled onions.

• 44:58Speaker 02

  What, with the crisps?

• 45:00Speaker 03

  All in.

• 45:00Speaker 02

  All in. Rob?

• 45:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:04Speaker 02

  Enough salivating. Now it's time for small business shout outs. Brought to you by Vista Print, your expert print partner, to help you bring your ideas to life. There is nothing better than a small business order arriving in a beautifully branded box with stickers and tissue paper. I got one just the other day, Rob.

• 45:20Speaker 03

  Ooh.

• 45:21Speaker 02

  Suddenly it feels less like something you ordered online and more like a present. I got one the other day, Rob. Absolutely glorious. I, I do like tissue paper, Rob. I'm gonna say it.

• 45:32Speaker 03

  Big fan of tissue paper?

• 45:33Speaker 02

  I, I'm a big fan of tissue paper. Dear Rob, Josh and Sexy Michael, I'd really love to give a huge shout out to my friend Kit, who works tirelessly running a fantastic little business, Cheeky Kid.

• 45:45Speaker 03

  Cheeky Kid.

• 45:46Speaker 02

  Cheeky Kid. Based in a little town in North Torton, Kit makes beautiful handmade, do you know, I don't know where North Torton is. Uh, makes handmade soap using milk from her very own hand-reared goats. There we go.

• 46:02Speaker 03

  Oh my God, so lots to take in now. It's very South West.

• 46:05Speaker 02

  Yeah. She milks the goats.

• 46:08Speaker 03

  You can't milk a goat, you milk a goat.

• 46:09Speaker 02

  Of course, where do you think goat cheese comes from?

• 46:12Speaker 03

  Fucking hell, not in the Ar- I didn't know that came from the Aradas.

• 46:16Speaker 02

  What, what, what the hell options worse? She milks the goats and then some, if you, yeah, anyway, she milks the goats and somehow con- conjures the milk into gorgeous soap. Not entirely sure whether the goats are aware of their contribution to the business, but I like to think they're proud. She'll like glitter to make the soaps suitably jazzy and create wonderful dinosaur shaped soaps, all handmade by her. The scents are absolutely delicious too. Kit travels all around Devon during an array of craft markets and her soaps make brilliant little stocking fillers. You can find Cheeky Kid on Instagram, subscribe to her mailing list or visit www-cheekykid.co.uk. If you sign up, you'll automatically receive a whopping 10% off. Thanks so much, Lindsay. Four kisses.

• 47:01Speaker 03

  Devon, Devon's fucking weird, isn't it?

• 47:03Speaker 02

  No.

• 47:05Speaker 03

  North Torton, like Sanford Courtney, Sanford Courtney, Zilmona Chorum.

• 47:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:12Speaker 03

  The fuck? Broadenmet.

• 47:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:16Speaker 03

  It's a weird little gaff, isn't it? Mad little places. Honeychurch, there you go. God blimey. Torbridge?

• 47:23Speaker 02

  Torbridge is fine.

• 47:25Speaker 03

  Is Torbridge right?

• 47:26Speaker 02

  Well, just as a name. You could have Torbridge in Kent.

• 47:29Speaker 03

  No, Torbridge, no, Torbridge is fine now. Sanford Courtney, Zilmona Chorum. Anyway, the next one. Uh. Hey, I wanted to shout out D Valley Honey, a local business based in Wrexham, run by Andy and his partner and two girls. The honey is lush, girl lush. He is just starting out and a shout out to help him grow. Go to D Valley Honey, that's D double E Valley Honey, there you go. On Instagram, 68 followers. Come on, listen.

• 47:57Speaker 02

  Let's get us 10 billion. Like the old Kate 30 goalie. Let's do a Kate 30 goalie. Vista print.co.uk, print your possible. To get 15% off your Vista Print order, visit vista print.co.uk and use the code parenting hell 15.

• 48:14Speaker 03

  Josh, absolute pleasure. See you next time. Can't wait to see what you're gonna do with the office. He's already on his phone.

• 48:20Speaker 02

  I was checking if I was going to make it in time for the train, whether I should walk or get a taxi.

• 48:28Speaker 03

  Right, okay. We are still doing the show.

• 48:30Speaker 02

  Okay, sorry. I think I'm gonna sleep on the train.

• 48:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think so too. Yeah, I think you might.

• 48:35Speaker 02

  Bye.

• 48:40Speaker 02

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• 48:58Speaker 01

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• 49:12Speaker 01

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