S13 EP15: I've completed parenting (and a voicenote from Lou)

More adventures in parenting (and life) from Rob and Josh... Rob gets into a dilemma trying to buy some cheese. There's a voicenote from Lou regarding the hair extensions / making a sandwich in the car on the way back from Germany. And sadly, Flufball has crossed the rainbow bridge... xx ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [email protected] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 2:00Speaker 03

  This episode is presented by TUI.

• 2:02Speaker 04

  You've got to love a family holiday, Josh.

• 2:03Speaker 03

  Oh, you've got to love it. Who wouldn't love it, Rob?

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• 2:48Speaker 03

  Atoll and Abta protected.

• 2:53Speaker 04

  Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with.

• 2:56Speaker 05

  Olive.

• 2:58Speaker 03

  Olive, can you say Rob Beckett?

• 3:01Speaker 05

  Rob Beckett.

• 3:02Speaker 03

  Can you say Josh Widdicombe?

• 3:05Speaker 05

  Rob Widdicombe.

• 3:07Speaker 03

  Wow, that was really good. Well done.

• 3:11Speaker 05

  You say again.

• 3:13Speaker 03

  Please play this. Been waiting over three years to finally do this. Olive is three in November and listens to you whenever I do. Thanks for getting through the daily grind of window cleaning every day and you guys in my ears. Been listening before Olive was even born from Ashley Smith, 399 months and Olive 34 months. Sally, Sunny Temby, West Wales.

• 3:32Speaker 04

  Ashley Smith, go on, Olive.

• 3:33Speaker 03

  Wales. I know Josh loves the area. I do. I love Pembrokeshire. It's incredible.

• 3:39Speaker 04

  Where's Pembrokeshire again? Wales?

• 3:41Speaker 03

  It's southwest Wales, yeah.

• 3:43Speaker 04

  Mumbles.

• 3:45Speaker 03

  Further, so further west, further.

• 3:46Speaker 04

  Further western Mumbles.

• 3:48Speaker 03

  Right, right.

• 3:49Speaker 04

  Aberystwyth.

• 3:49Speaker 03

  Far bottom corner, further south than Aberystwyth.

• 3:53Speaker 04

  Oh my God, we'll get there eventually.

• 3:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:56Speaker 04

  So it's beyond Swan, Temby, right around there, blimey.

• 3:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, love it. Great place, great place.

• 4:03Speaker 04

  If you get it on the right day for weather, it's unbeatable. But the problem is that's once every sort of six weeks.

• 4:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, but that day, Rob, that day.

• 4:13Speaker 04

  Oh, that day. And that's the day they all Instagram it.

• 4:16Speaker 03

  Exactly, Rob.

• 4:17Speaker 04

  When I've got it on tour and I go, can't wait to get to Temby. I've seen all those videos of them surfing and having champagne on the beach. You get there, fucking, it's like doing a gig facing a fucking Dyson fan. Wherever you go.

• 4:33Speaker 04

  Straight off the Atlantic up your oop. How are you?

• 4:37Speaker 03

  I'm good. I'm good. I'm in a hotel room. They know me now. She just gave me the thing when I turned up.

• 4:44Speaker 04

  Mary Alan Partridge, Jose Mourinho of you.

• 4:46Speaker 03

  Fucking hell. And I turned up, so from drop-off, it was our first day of drop-off.

• 4:53Speaker 04

  Oh, okay. Did not go last week?

• 4:55Speaker 03

  No, we were back today.

• 4:57Speaker 04

  We went back Friday.

• 4:59Speaker 03

  Yeah. So the people who were changing, like going up to a new level.

• 5:04Speaker 04

  Oh, those reception dweebs.

• 5:06Speaker 03

  They were reception or year three or year seven were in on Friday.

• 5:11Speaker 04

  Yeah. They did that on Thursday. So they can have a day of not too busy.

• 5:16Speaker 03

  Yeah. And then we were in today. It was, it was fine, actually. The kids were ready.

• 5:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, I, that's how we felt. It was like they needed something. I'd done all the things you can do with a kid.

• 5:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:31Speaker 04

  I was running out of options of like, we've done, we've been to the Seashore. Went to the theme park.

• 5:35Speaker 03

  Completed parenting.

• 5:36Speaker 04

  I've completed, I've got nothing else to offer. I set up the switch for mini-games. I've, we're done. There's nothing left for you here. Go to school.

• 5:47Speaker 03

  I went to buy TV and John Lewis yesterday.

• 5:50Speaker 04

  Oh, did you, Margaret?

• 5:54Speaker 04

  Because you get the good warranty and you speak to a person and you can say, I want an LED widescreen, flat screen plasma, please. And that they will tell you, right?

• 6:09Speaker 03

  I don't know anything about TVs, Rob. So I needed to go to just go, which are the TVs I should buy?

• 6:15Speaker 04

  Obviously, they're the people working, they don't either.

• 6:18Speaker 03

  How dare you? How dare you?

• 6:21Speaker 04

  Mate, on a weekend, you get a 17-year-old in there, they couldn't give a shit. That's not just John Lewis, it's anywhere. I was at the cafe yesterday. I ordered some cheese to go with some baked beans, right? They only put one portion of cheese through. I wanted three portions of cheese. So I say to the kid.

• 6:37Speaker 03

  What are we talking about?

• 6:38Speaker 04

  People that don't care about their jobs.

• 6:39Speaker 03

  No, no, no, sorry. What, no, sorry. What do you mean a portion of, you wanted three portions of cheese?

• 6:45Speaker 04

  To go with baked beans. He orders baked beans and toast with cheese. And it comes in little pots of cheese with toast, right? One comes and I say to the person, we need, we're waiting on two more pots of cheese. And it comes over and goes, it's not on your receipt. I went, well, I ordered it and they, they've not put it on. So can I get some? And he was like, I don't know how to get your cheese. I was like, well, there'll be pots of cheese in the kitchen. I have just two pots of cheese. He goes, you've got to pay for the cheese. I was like, okay, well, how much is it? It was like one pound fifty a pot of cheese. I'm like, okay, well, can I give you, can I give you the three quid for the cheese then? Which I'm like, at that point, I'm like, fucking hell, that's a lot for cheese, isn't it? Grated.

• 7:21Speaker 03

  I know. Do you know what? It's, it feels hidden when you're paying it on top of.

• 7:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, but when it's.

• 7:26Speaker 03

  Beans and toast, but when it's a standout fee on its own.

• 7:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, as a, as a, as a solo transaction. Here's three quid for a stranger to touch my cheese and grate it. Fuck off. It should be less if someone else has grated it. You know what I mean? Why am I paying more for someone's?

• 7:43Speaker 03

  That block of cheese has cost them three quid. How much of that cheese have they used to grate two, two little pots? How big's a pot?

• 7:50Speaker 04

  Oh, tiny pot, looks like the sauce pot you get from McDonald's. Maybe bigger than that, you know, those, but those paper ones. So I go, or can I give you the money? You can't give the money, you've got to go and give it to the till. I was like, okay, anyway, so I went, all right. And he goes, I don't know what's going on. I've only worked here two days. I'm like, yeah, I know, but you've been alive at least 70. You know what a fucking pot of cheese, I didn't say this, but I'm like, mate, just go in that kid's, give me some fucking cheese. So all right, so I go to the front. There is probably a queue of 25 people, right? Two tills. I've queued up already.

• 8:20Speaker 03

  What is this cafe?

• 8:21Speaker 04

  It's a cafe, it's like near a dog walking trail thing, like a big woodland trail.

• 8:26Speaker 03

  Oh, I see.

• 8:27Speaker 04

  Very busy. There was also a fete on that day I didn't know. So it's like quadruple busy. And because it's quadruple busy, normal.

• 8:34Speaker 03

  Finger of fate.

• 8:35Speaker 04

  Normally it's the similar people that go there who are very bored of me. But at this point, because there was loads of new people there, it was a bit more an event than I was in this coffee shop because they were talking to me.

• 8:44Speaker 03

  Two pots of cheese.

• 8:45Speaker 04

  So I'm, so that, so I go to the kitchen door, which is right by the tills. And I've got an audience because when you're queuing, anyone arguing for a pot of cheese is quite good viewing. But if it's a bloke off the telly, it's, it's, it's PPV, isn't it really? You're going to watch because it's like, oh, is someone off the telly a twat or not?

• 9:04Speaker 03

  Well.

• 9:05Speaker 04

  Well, you're about to find out.

• 9:08Speaker 04

  The results are in.

• 9:09Speaker 03

  That's getting confirmed. The results are in and I always thought he was.

• 9:12Speaker 04

  No, so I was just stood at the kitchen, went, excuse me, can I get two pots of cheese? And then she's like, what? So I have to explain it all again. And there was like, oh no, just you need to pay. I went, I've got the money here, but I can pay. She went, you need to go to the till. Well, I'm not, I can't queue up because it's going to take about 20 minutes and all the food's going to get cold. You went, I'll just cut in at the till and I can't cut in at the till. Do you know what I mean? I'm, I'm rolling the dice on this interaction. I can't rub all down with a cut in at the till because Becky wants cheese.

• 9:38Speaker 03

  So what did you do?

• 9:39Speaker 04

  So it's really awkward because I'm just like, let's give me some cheese and we'll sort it out. And anyway, so a guy come out, what's going on? I went, mate, can I just have some cheese? Well, I'll get you some cheese and I'll, I can pay in a, in a bit, but like, just give me some cheese. Anyway, so he gets me the cheese and I'm waiting for the cheese. And then this lady goes, are you going to do more? And I'm like, what, more cheese? Because all, all I, all I'm thinking about now is I need cheese for my children's beans and toast, not are we doing more insert show? Like, because I.

• 10:10Speaker 03

  What did she mean? Rob and Ramesh?

• 10:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, so what? She went, are you doing more with? And I don't know if she's got you and Ramesh confused, which would be the worst, the first, the first time ever.

• 10:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:22Speaker 04

  That thing you do with Jamesh. Now, I've heard Ramesh be called a lot of things. Ramesh is the main one that gets wrong. Rajesh, well, you know, the worst one ever was Deepak because it's not even close. Yeah, but you've got, there's got to be some sort of esh. You know, for it not to sound racist, there's got to be some sort of esh in the middle of it. Ramesh, I'll let you off, you know, if Rajesh, I'm not happy with that, but I can sort of see you working.

• 10:47Speaker 03

  Also bear in mind, he is arguably the most famous comedian in the United Kingdom these days.

• 10:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, 100%.

• 10:54Speaker 03

  To the point where his surname is history.

• 10:56Speaker 04

  He was at an Antwerp World Cup final. Do you know what I mean? The big, you know, Jamesh. And I was just like, what? And she went, Jamesh. And I started thinking of jam, like, no, I want cheese.

• 11:07Speaker 03

  Two pots of Jamesh, please.

• 11:11Speaker 03

  £1.50 for Chamech?

• 11:14Speaker 04

  I did, but the kid, to be fair, the first kid I spoke to about the cheese, he was 17. It's a cafe, you don't want to be working in a busy cafe like that with people asking for cheese in your face. And then it goes back to the point of in John Lewis, I'm sure they're all absolutely excellent at their jobs, but any 16, 17 year old doesn't give a shit or know anything, really. They're just earning money and not wanting to be there.

• 11:34Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 11:35Speaker 04

  Ultimately.

• 11:36Speaker 03

  So we, we've moved the TV from one room into another room. We're getting a second TV.

• 11:41Speaker 04

  Right.

• 11:42Speaker 03

  And we didn't need to do it yesterday, but anything to get out of the house really, isn't it? At this stage in the game.

• 11:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's a nice, also, to be fair with a TV, it is nice to go and see them in real life before you order, obviously.

• 11:54Speaker 03

  And then my daughter said, I like that one because of the thing that's on it. I'm like, well, that's not, that's not how we're deciding.

• 12:01Speaker 04

  What show was on it?

• 12:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're showing something better on this Samsung than this Sony. We can't, we can't make the decision based on what they've decided to put on it.

• 12:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, also as well, you know, your daughter is seven now. There is a part of you could quite rightly go, are you eight? Like you could go, what the fuck?

• 12:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:20Speaker 04

  Surely you know.

• 12:21Speaker 03

  I think she was just.

• 12:22Speaker 04

  Joking around.

• 12:23Speaker 03

  I don't think she believed that that's what she would get on it. I just think that's what was informing her decision.

• 12:28Speaker 04

  Right, okay. And having a bit of a laugh about it, because if that's what she's actually thinking, you're like, come on.

• 12:33Speaker 03

  Come on, mate.

• 12:34Speaker 04

  You're eight now. Let's, let's, let's, let's liven up.

• 12:38Speaker 03

  No, I don't think she was actually thinking you only get what they're showing in John Lewis.

• 12:41Speaker 04

  What is it? Homes Under the Hammer? Antiques Roadshow?

• 12:45Speaker 03

  I don't even remember what it was. No, because it was Sunday, wasn't it?

• 12:48Speaker 04

  Oh, sorry. I've just got to quickly reply to this message, Josh.

• 12:52Speaker 03

  Have you?

• 12:52Speaker 04

  Well, no, my agent's wrong me, which is, you know, this early in a Monday means something really good's happening or something really bad's happening.

• 12:58Speaker 03

  Tonight, Rob, we have a night out together.

• 13:01Speaker 04

  Well, yeah, but like sort of by accident, we hadn't organised it, but we're both going to.

• 13:07Speaker 03

  Would you have gone if I hadn't confirmed I was going?

• 13:10Speaker 04

  No, so I, basically it's an Oasis documentary screening in central London, near Charing Cross, which is near where I get the train.

• 13:17Speaker 03

  By the time this goes out, you might have seen us in all the bloody papers on the red carpet. Am I right?

• 13:22Speaker 04

  Getting off of each other in the Grouch, Joe.

• 13:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:26Speaker 03

  Are you going to go to the after show, Rob?

• 13:29Speaker 04

  Oh, the part I don't know, I might pop in, it depends who else is there, but I was, I was just wanting to, I thought it'd be nice to go and catch up with you. Matt Ford's going and one of my friends, I don't know who.

• 13:39Speaker 03

  Are you worried about the, the red carpet?

• 13:43Speaker 04

  Do you reckon, I reckon it might be a light blue carpet because they're Man City fans.

• 13:46Speaker 03

  Oh, right. Yeah, yeah.

• 13:47Speaker 04

  That's what I demand. It's a bit awkward, the red carpet, because I've got to go to the NT, I haven't got to.

• 13:53Speaker 04

  I'm also, I've been invited to the NTAs tomorrow, which I'm going to.

• 13:57Speaker 03

  Yes, you really are having a, you're like bloody, you know, I'm trying to.

• 14:02Speaker 04

  I'm like bloody Flurrie's.

• 14:03Speaker 03

  You are, exactly. You're exactly like Flurrie's, turning up all your things.

• 14:07Speaker 04

  Best dressed.

• 14:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, showing off his pins, Rob Beckett on the.

• 14:13Speaker 04

  Showing a bit of shoulder.

• 14:17Speaker 03

  So this Oasis cinema experience that we're going to.

• 14:22Speaker 03

  Some questions. Number one, in the invite, it said, go smart. That's a difficult call because we're going to watch Oasis.

• 14:31Speaker 04

  If they turn me away, I'll go home.

• 14:34Speaker 03

  Well, it's more.

• 14:35Speaker 04

  I'm not, I'm not dressing smart for CineWorld. If you want me smart, put it in a proper fucking flash, the CineWorld at Leicester. Have you been past that? It's just piss shit at McDonald's and then fucking Mr Bean statues. With a line full of Asian tourists about a week long to sit next to a statue of Mr Bean.

• 14:57Speaker 04

  Dress smart.

• 14:59Speaker 03

  So what are you going to wear?

• 15:01Speaker 04

  Whatever I fucking want, mate.

• 15:03Speaker 03

  All right. You're not in Oasis.

• 15:05Speaker 04

  I am actually. I'm like the fifth member.

• 15:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, there already is five.

• 15:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I'm the sixth one then. Whatever, mate, whatever you should save in that instance for how many numbers of people in the band there are. I'm that. Now, I'm probably going to wear, I'm going to go smart. I'm not going to dress like in a tracksuit, but I'm not, I'm not wearing a suit and tie to go and watch Oasis documentary in CineWorld.

• 15:30Speaker 03

  No.

• 15:31Speaker 04

  Also, they don't dress smart.

• 15:33Speaker 03

  No, exactly. I've seen the other premieres.

• 15:36Speaker 04

  It'll be Stone Island, isn't it? I might wear Stone Island, Topanta.

• 15:40Speaker 03

  Go on, wear Stone Island. Go, wear Stone Island.

• 15:42Speaker 04

  Shall I wear, shall I wear as much Stone Island as possible for a lot of banter?

• 15:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:47Speaker 04

  I've got Stone Island backpack, I'll put that on. I'm going to get detained. I'll be detained by counter terrorist police as I try and get on the red carpet in a backpack.

• 15:55Speaker 03

  So this isn't my normal fare. So it was like, don't bring bags, don't bring big bags because I've got my suitcase and my rucksack. So I've.

• 16:04Speaker 04

  I've, I've not been to, so have you ever been to a film premiere?

• 16:08Speaker 03

  I've been to one. No, I've been to two in my life.

• 16:14Speaker 04

  They're not as, they're not as glamorous and as fun as and exciting. It's actually fairly bleak because you get people there that are really into the films, which is great. And the actors and the journalists, you also get people that are absolutely desperate to be pictured going out and they're thirsty as a fuck.

• 16:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, the, the worst kind of people.

• 16:33Speaker 04

  Which I was at Robocop two premiere.

• 16:38Speaker 04

  I'm going to try and, because I went with Lou once and it was a weird, was it, let's try and see if I can find it.

• 16:42Speaker 03

  We went to, me and Rose went to absolutely fabulous.

• 16:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, that, that makes sense.

• 16:47Speaker 03

  Yeah. And my phone, because I was wearing smart trousers, my phone fell out of my pocket in the, in the cinema seat.

• 16:55Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 16:55Speaker 03

  And then I couldn't find it and I kept putting the seat up and down, looking for it. And while I was doing that, I was crushing the phone and I destroyed my phone.

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• 19:13Speaker 04

  So I went to Mary Poppins at Royal Albert Hall with Lou. That was a, that's a good one to go to, right? I also went to Creed because I like the rocky stuff.

• 19:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:24Speaker 04

  I don't know if this was one with Lou. I went to one called What If?

• 19:27Speaker 03

  What the fuck are you doing?

• 19:30Speaker 04

  This was when I was really thirsty though. When you first start out, you've got to get your face everywhere, haven't you, Josh?

• 19:35Speaker 03

  Have you?

• 19:37Speaker 04

  Yeah. I remember to one.

• 19:38Speaker 03

  Do you know who we should book for eight out of 10 cat two? You're not going to believe who went to watch What If at the Leicester Square CineWorld. Oh, it'll be good. He'll have some, he'll have some anecdotes about going to see What If.

• 19:49Speaker 04

  Well, well, one, the first one I ever went to, I think, wasn't Robocop two, it was called Robocop, was it Robocop? In 2014.

• 19:57Speaker 03

  You're not that old.

• 19:58Speaker 04

  It was called Robocop, the remake. It was from 2014. I went with Lou and it was, that was when we was like, oh my God, I've been invited to a film premiere. And then we realised it's like mental. And now I can't name names, but now this is great gossip and we can let people try and get it.

• 20:14Speaker 03

  Can you cover your mouth and say it so I can enjoy the anecdote?

• 20:16Speaker 04

  Right, okay. So, but in order for the people at home to play the guessing game. We went and we went for drinks afterwards because we knew a few people that was at the event in 2014.

• 20:26Speaker 03

  Who were those people?

• 20:27Speaker 04

  And there was a comedian slash TV presenter, which was ****. And there was a reality star turned TV presenter.

• 20:38Speaker 04

  Who were in a relationship. And that night when we was out for drinks, he found out she was cheating on him.

• 20:46Speaker 03

  Oh my God.

• 20:47Speaker 04

  And we were, we were at Ground Zero watching it unfold, like we were in a reality show.

• 20:52Speaker 03

  So how did you find out?

• 20:55Speaker 04

  I think she, I think when one of them went to the toilet, one of them read messages on the other's phone.

• 21:00Speaker 03

  What?

• 21:01Speaker 04

  And they were like, oh my God, I've just read this, they're doing that. And then they came back from the toilet and Miru just sat there and I've never.

• 21:10Speaker 03

  Just the four of you?

• 21:11Speaker 04

  I've never been so excited in my life because they would only been together a little while. There was no kids involved. It wasn't divorce. It was just pure and ah, fucking. Give me this drama. Spill this tea all over my face and waterboard me.

• 21:25Speaker 03

  This is better than Robocop, the remake.

• 21:27Speaker 04

  This is better than Robocop, the remake.

• 21:29Speaker 03

  Oh, how many of you were there around the table? Just the four of you?

• 21:32Speaker 04

  Oh, it was quite small. It was probably five or six. And then, you know, four of them were me and Lou and this other couple. So it's glorious.

• 21:41Speaker 03

  Oh my God. Well, we can, fingers crossed for tonight.

• 21:44Speaker 04

  That'll be good, wouldn't it?

• 21:45Speaker 03

  So are we, Rob, can I ask you the next question? Are we going to meet beforehand and go up the red carpet together?

• 21:52Speaker 04

  Now, look, from a, if we, from a PR point of view, that's, that's a, that's a bigger photo. If we're doing it like that, if we are thirsty, making a splash, we are PR gurus.

• 22:05Speaker 03

  Funny pose.

• 22:06Speaker 04

  Funny outfits.

• 22:08Speaker 03

  Couple of bucket hats.

• 22:10Speaker 04

  Oh, Kevin, just because Kevin and Perry for no reason whatsoever.

• 22:17Speaker 03

  How much for me and you to go as the 118 guys?

• 22:20Speaker 04

  How much for us to go as the blue and orange suits from Dumb and Dumber?

• 22:25Speaker 04

  Or a t-shirt that says, "I'm a stupid" pointing at you?

• 22:29Speaker 03

  Marion Luigi.

• 22:33Speaker 04

  I mean, the awful, I mean, to be fair, that's, I spoke to Jamie Lang about this on his podcast. When I dressed as a draught to the Brits, that sold loads of tickets, but at the moment, we've got nothing to sell. So it's just, just go and enjoy the evening.

• 22:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:52Speaker 04

  Well, let's meet before and what time are you getting there? Where's your hotel? Is it nearby?

• 22:57Speaker 03

  No, it's in Elstree.

• 22:59Speaker 04

  Oh, God. You're really coming into town.

• 23:02Speaker 03

  This is, well, this is the thing. I'm getting the train to Paddington, Rob, and then I've got to.

• 23:07Speaker 04

  Go straight to the, no bags?

• 23:09Speaker 03

  I'm bagging, I'm sending my bags to Elstree.

• 23:12Speaker 04

  Right. So you're about to go into Elstree and then you're going straight to the premiere?

• 23:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:16Speaker 04

  You're so showbiz now.

• 23:18Speaker 03

  Who am I?

• 23:19Speaker 04

  You are one of the presenters on the biggest show on telly.

• 23:23Speaker 03

  Rob, do you know what I'm doing at 6pm tomorrow?

• 23:25Speaker 04

  AM or PM?

• 23:27Speaker 03

  PM.

• 23:28Speaker 04

  What are you doing?

• 23:31Speaker 03

  Spray tan.

• 23:38Speaker 04

  Right. So we can talk about spray tans because I've done a lot of TV shows, especially big, jazzy Saturday night ones where everyone's so tanned. If you're not got a base colour, you stand, it's too much.

• 23:51Speaker 03

  The sun's just come out on me as we've had this discussion as if to try and pale me out.

• 23:56Speaker 04

  Now, you, you need, you need a gentle glow is what I'd say to compete with the full glam squad makeup.

• 24:04Speaker 03

  I can't be stood next to, you know.

• 24:07Speaker 04

  Well, you do like a ghost.

• 24:09Speaker 03

  I know, I know.

• 24:09Speaker 04

  There'd be a ghost in the studio. But so, um, I've got, I don't know who's doing yours, but as a guy, I'd recommend because you can tell him to do a subtle glow.

• 24:18Speaker 03

  Have you done a spray tan?

• 24:19Speaker 04

  I did it when I did Tempting Fortune. I did a spray tan and I did a spray tan because that was away, I was in shorts and t-shirts and it was on a really bright sunny beach. So it looked, I looked like I'd been there on holiday, whatever. And a spray tan for when I did that Saturday, that Unbreakable show for the BBC. Because again, it was all outside and if you looked, you just looked like an ill, an ill man walking around the gardens of a stately home.

• 24:44Speaker 03

  What's it like, Rob? What's it like? I'm not going dick out, am I?

• 24:49Speaker 04

  Please, no, definitely don't go, you'll get, right, you'll be given, given little pants, like massage pants. It's a little pants, like those, you know, like massage.

• 25:00Speaker 04

  Josh, we're gonna have to get, be up to the knee. At least we're gonna have to see the knee when we're spray tanning. So you're gonna have to put on tiny little pants you're not used to. Yeah. Then you basically stand in like a little, little tent and you stand. If you, they'll put little like stick, like stick of things on your palms. So you don't get orange palms too much. And you'll stand like that, like hostage with your legs wide and they'll do the front, you turn around, they do the back. And it's like, have you ever had one of those fans that have water in it that mist you and call you down if you're at a theme park? It's like that, but all over your body.

• 25:36Speaker 03

  And then what happens? Then do I go for a shower or is that done?

• 25:40Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no, no, no. You just let it, you let it air dry. They'll probably have like a hairdryer type thing that will dry you in there as well. So they'll mist you, they'll dry you and then depending on how deep you want it, you, you may shower and may not shower. Or they'll, they'll tell you what, how to deal with it there in after.

• 25:56Speaker 03

  Oh my God. What if I get it wrong?

• 25:57Speaker 04

  But I think, but what you want is just to take the edge off.

• 26:01Speaker 03

  What do you mean by that?

• 26:02Speaker 04

  You don't want to look that, no one, what you don't want is when they turn the telly on, if you're on Strictly and someone goes, bloody hell, Josh has got a nice colour, too much.

• 26:13Speaker 04

  What you want is it to be non-remarkable. So not the, oh my God, look how pale he is or, oh my God, look how brown he's got. You just want a no, no one comments level of colour.

• 26:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay.

• 26:25Speaker 04

  So you're just taking the edge off. So, yeah, but you, what you don't, what, well, what I would love to see, Bob Monkhouse.

• 26:34Speaker 04

  I want a deep, he's been in Barbados, six months tan. I love Bob Monk. Do you know, when I look at Bob Monkhouse, I don't know if I'm right or wrong. I felt like he'd go to Barbados for six months, come back, bang out a load of quiz shows and do a load of gigs in the evening where he did loads of naughty, blue, rude stuff. And then just pissed off to Barbados again. That's the dream, isn't it?

• 26:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:54Speaker 04

  So, yeah, I think, I think you need to do it and make your film.

• 26:57Speaker 03

  As I say, Rob, you're born in the wrong age. You are.

• 26:59Speaker 04

  You're born in the wrong era.

• 27:01Speaker 03

  You're born in the wrong era. Rob, couple of things.

• 27:04Speaker 04

  Go on.

• 27:05Speaker 03

  First one, we've got Lou's voice note.

• 27:07Speaker 05

  Morning, morning. Um, right, I am going to respond properly to the egregious accusations being thrown at me by Rob. I would like to.

• 27:18Speaker 03

  Just to pause.

• 27:19Speaker 04

  Yeah. What's egregious mean? Good or bad?

• 27:22Speaker 03

  Bad.

• 27:22Speaker 04

  Bad? Bad. Okay.

• 27:24Speaker 03

  Um, I just wanted to pause for this moment to say the accusations are that you, Lou got in a mood when you were driving through France or Germany. And she was trying to take her hair extensions out.

• 27:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:37Speaker 03

  And you, she wouldn't let you butter a roll or something like that.

• 27:41Speaker 04

  Oh, so basically I, we were having some sandwiches. I said, I don't want to stop for 10 minutes while you make sandwiches. Can you not make some sandwiches on your lap quickly? And then she kicked off about it and was putting crumbs everywhere. And then she continued to remove her own hair extensions using pliers that we got from the Carrefour. If that's a, someone told me I said it wrong and some coconut oil that we found and hair extensions are still being found in the boot of that car as we speak.

• 28:08Speaker 05

  Preface, preface, preface, all of this with, I completely understand and accept and acknowledge. That taking out my own hair extensions in a car full of my family, smashing down the autobahn, but it's not ideal.

• 28:26Speaker 04

  Perfect. And you have clipped that.

• 28:27Speaker 05

  But I think as a, as a slight bit of context, I know myself and I had reached the point with my hair extensions. I probably should have, if I'd had time before Germany, I should have had them gone and had them, had them, no, why can't I get my words out? I should have gone and had them taken out. That didn't happen. And so I'd started like fiddling with them. I'd also melted some of them at the top where I curled my hair too quickly, but that's by the by. I'd started fiddling with them and even though I know sitting and popping them out one by, like one hair at a time is just wrecking my hair. I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't stop myself. So I made what was the best of two bad decisions at the time.

• 29:09Speaker 05

  Which was to ask Rob to get some pliers and coconut oil from Carrefour when he went to get driving snacks and take them out myself. And I was like, I've got time, I've got nothing but time today to sit in the front and just, we, you know, it wasn't that bad. It wasn't that bad, the hair. What I would say is that if France gave out more plastic bags at supermarkets, I could have put them all in the plastic bag. They don't. They gave us everything in one big paper bag, which I was using as a rubbish bag, which had already been thrown in a bin full of rubbish.

• 29:39Speaker 04

  The first time this was not on 1.5.

• 29:41Speaker 05

  I could have popped all the hair extensions in. I was keeping them in a nice neat pile down by my feet, ready to throw out to the next bin.

• 29:47Speaker 04

  She knows what she's saying.

• 29:48Speaker 05

  Yes, there was some hair in the car, but not loads. Not like, I would just like to say, Josh, you know, you know, Rob very well. There is an element of performativeness here, isn't there? He was sitting next to me going.

• 30:01Speaker 04

  There was hair in my mouth.

• 30:03Speaker 05

  There was not that much hair. The one coming back in the window was quite funny, but that, again, that was one solid bit of hair, like one chunk. Came back in, hit my daughter in the face, went in the boot. Not a big deal. Um, it really was not that bad.

• 30:17Speaker 04

  One hair in the mouth, too many hairs in the mouth.

• 30:21Speaker 05

  It was not that bad. I think we just need.

• 30:23Speaker 04

  How long's this voice note?

• 30:25Speaker 03

  Seven minutes 20.

• 30:27Speaker 04

  It's ma, it's so long.

• 30:30Speaker 03

  Well, she's, she's making it clear it's not that bad.

• 30:33Speaker 04

  Well, yeah, I think, I think she's over, she's overcompensating.

• 30:37Speaker 03

  Do you?

• 30:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think she knows it, but she's trying to justify it.

• 30:41Speaker 03

  It sounds fine to me. It sounds totally fine.

• 30:43Speaker 04

  Of course it does, needle dick.

• 30:45Speaker 05

  Put it into context of Rob as well. But, and also I just would like to kind of slightly defend myself because there's going to be hairdressers going, what the fuck were you doing? I acknowledge that is not the right way to take hair extensions out of your hair. And I probably yanked half my hair out at the same time, but I was making the least bad decision of bad decisions while accepting that I do not have the self-control to not start pulling them out.

• 31:08Speaker 03

  Good to know yourself, Rob.

• 31:10Speaker 04

  But I think that's the bigger problem, isn't it? She doesn't have self-control to stop her pulling her own hair out.

• 31:16Speaker 05

  No, 60, 40 on the hair extensions. It was nowhere near as bad as Rob.

• 31:20Speaker 04

  We're still on the hair extensions.

• 31:21Speaker 05

  He's trying to make out. Um, and it kept me very entertained for the entire car journey. So, you know, there's that. The sandwiches, sorry, the sandwiches, this is where I will not, I will not take any slander. He didn't, I'm sorry, if you can buy pliers in Carrefour, you can buy a knife. I heard that there was no plastic ones.

• 31:40Speaker 04

  Fuck you. I said to her, get a spoon on, there wasn't any, there wasn't any. I looked. I said to her, I can't get any cutlery. Can you get some from the hotel?

• 31:49Speaker 03

  Did you just say fuck you?

• 31:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, I did. Fuck, fuck you. Yeah, I did. Yeah, yeah, I did actually.

• 31:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, just checking.

• 31:56Speaker 04

  I can get, I've got receipts. I can get those text messages exchanged up.

• 31:59Speaker 03

  Okay. Well, let's, let's focus on this at the moment.

• 32:02Speaker 05

  Like coffee stirrers have got no structural integrity for me to use like French butter on a really crusty baguette. That's, that's got no structural integrity. That is breaking straight away, splinters in your baguette. So there was nothing, I didn't want to steal one from the hotel because, you know, it didn't feel right. Um.

• 32:22Speaker 03

  Thoughts?

• 32:24Speaker 04

  I could, I agree with her point, but I would have just, one would have accidentally fell in my bag when in the, in the, in the busyness of getting ready in the room. Oh, look, unfortunately, what I paid for that room as well, I'm sure they can survive a spoon going missing.

• 32:37Speaker 05

  So I, yeah, so with, and with the baguette, so we're out of the car less than, I genuinely less than three minutes for this week because you just pulled straight off the motorway. The kind of, the glorified shed with the nice toilets in is there, right? So it's not a proper service. So you just pull straight off, have your wee, wash your hands, get back in, bash.

• 32:54Speaker 04

  Three minutes, less than three minutes we've been out of the car. And I was like, I'm just gonna make sandwiches now. And then Rob, he's already going about the hair. I was like, well, it was a really long drive and I just, I just wanna get back, I just wanna get back on the road. I was like, it will take me two minutes maximum, like you can time me to smash.

• 33:12Speaker 03

  Is that fair?

• 33:13Speaker 04

  I just wanted to get going. It wouldn't have taken two minutes. It would have taken longer. I would have just preferred to just get going, but I cannot see a point. Got these baguettes. I don't have any implements, so I'm just gonna rip the baguette, rip it open, butter it with my hands. And then I could have washed my hands as well. I could have actually washed my hands. Um, stick some ham and cheese in it and off we go. I was like, two minutes, it'll take me two minutes. We spent longer arguing about doing the baguettes in or out of the car than we would have if I'd just allowed to make them.

• 33:43Speaker 03

  That's a good point.

• 33:44Speaker 04

  Don't argue, just get on with it then. Don't, don't argue then, just get on with it. If she's bothered, she's bothered about wasting time, don't argue about it, just get on with it.

• 33:51Speaker 03

  Well, you weren't letting her get on with it.

• 33:56Speaker 04

  You're, you're determined. I thought I'd buried this argument with Lou. I feel like I'm gonna have it again tonight when she listens to this. They, it is a really crusty baguette. I'm gonna have to do that on.

• 34:07Speaker 03

  Was it?

• 34:08Speaker 04

  What's that? A crusty baguette? It was just a baguette.

• 34:13Speaker 04

  It was just a baguette. It was crusty baguette and there's some crumbs. In a car, it's gonna go all underneath me. I was wearing shorts because it was hot. I'm like, that's, that's gonna be baguette in every crevice of my seat, underneath me. I offered to check for it. Stick into my legs. I'm gonna have to brush it onto the floor. So then it's all in full. Let me have a look at the clean out. Okay, that bothered me. Back with like crusty baguette car. I was like, it's gonna take me two minutes. I'm the one doing the driving and I just, I just really wanna get back on the road. I don't wanna waste any time. I'm like, two fucking minutes, mate. I was like, do you know what? Also, I had offered to drive. He didn't want to take me up on the offer. Was it an empty offer? Yes, would I have done it if he'd asked? She would never drive him. She'd never drive, you're never gonna drive. Not in a million years. Motorway in France, big car. Still like the big car, sucks a little car.

• 34:59Speaker 04

  She's never gonna drive. Also, she'd hold it over me, I reckon. Oh, you make the baguettes, mate. I wouldn't have driven because I was taking extensions out my head, but that's by the by. I would have driven if he'd asked. Um, but. The reason why I was cross about it was I was like, it would have taken me two minutes to make those baguettes. He was just cross about the hair extensions. She can clear on the two minutes. And our friend Andy was further down the motorway than us. And he was like, we're running really behind, we're gonna be. I was like, grow up. And so then, because I'm petty and have, you know, a slow propensity to spite, uh, decided to make a performance. I was being equally performative, this is about the hair, uh, about the crumbs.

• 35:42Speaker 04

  But I think also, I'd say hair is very soft. The odd few strands of very silky hair extension, I think it's the odd few strands, very soft. They don't itch, they don't do anything, they just float around and grab the window. Baguette crumbs, two crusty baguettes being broken and made, goes flipping everywhere. So I was, I didn't want to sit on it for the next three hours to Germany. So I crouched up on my seat and I was performatively brushing it off because Rob and I are petty and retaliatory and, um.

• 36:13Speaker 03

  There we go.

• 36:14Speaker 04

  Like to one up each other. I was right, she's overly performative. She's, she's agreed with me. She's agreed with me, she's overly performative with the crumbs. It wasn't that bad.

• 36:24Speaker 03

  What are you taking from this?

• 36:25Speaker 04

  Yeah. It's too long. Um, but yeah, that is, that's the hair extension baguette story. So I would like to accept and apologize for my part in the hair extensions. There wasn't hair in the car. It wasn't anywhere near as much as he's saying, but you know, fine, I accept that that was not a good or rational decision. Um, and also the baguettes, I think was wildly unreasonable to pull. I'm the one driving and I just wanna get back on the road. How is she still talking? Down, uh, two minutes, two minutes. Lou can never finish the voice though.

• 37:01Speaker 03

  Done.

• 37:02Speaker 04

  Done. Well, what I'd like to say is thank you very much for your apology, Lou. I've taken it on board and appreciate your apology and the fact that you won't do it next time. Thank you.

• 37:11Speaker 03

  Oh my God. Is there anything you'd like to apologize for, Rob?

• 37:15Speaker 04

  Absolutely not, no. I'd like to, I'd like to apologize on behalf of the carry four for not having utensils. And, um, I'd like to, um.

• 37:24Speaker 03

  But it feels like you could have just, it would have taken two minutes and then Lou wouldn't have been sitting on all these crumbs.

• 37:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, it could have, but we didn't and she was, so. But she's apologized now, we're moving on and she's a bigger person, well done her.

• 37:39Speaker 04

  Well done, Lou. Hope you're, hope you're happy.

• 37:44Speaker 04

  What are you talking about? How was your wife? How was your life?

• 37:48Speaker 03

  Oh, we got stuck on the Ozzy silly.

• 37:51Speaker 04

  That sounds like the start of a riddle. We got stuck on the Ozzy silly with my little friend called Billy. We were around the bend, couldn't find the ten, landed on his willy.

• 38:03Speaker 04

  What happened? So that's a helicopter.

• 38:04Speaker 03

  You've got, you've got the main words.

• 38:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, I couldn't be bothered to write the rest. Just speak quick.

• 38:10Speaker 03

  We got the helicopter over, Rob.

• 38:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, which is a thing. I thought you were like Kanye West or Jay-Z with your helicopter, but it's actually how people get there. Yeah. Did you feel safe on it? They stressed me out a bit helicopters.

• 38:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, I did feel safe on it. I didn't like the takeoff. I didn't know, I've, have you ever been in a helicopter?

• 38:28Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 38:29Speaker 03

  I've, I didn't know, I just thought they went up, but they kinda go forward, they take off a bit like a plane.

• 38:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's a bit, and I don't love it. I find it, I did, I was over a volcano in Iceland, so slightly different vibe.

• 38:40Speaker 03

  Well, I was over Penzance. Either way, if you're going down, it's, it's game over.

• 38:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, what if you're above? Nothing's soft enough for it to be fine.

• 38:49Speaker 03

  I was over a mattress factory, so I was pretty confident, but, um.

• 38:53Speaker 04

  If you could just go past all the trampoline parks, that'd be, that'd be better for my confidence. So you got, so why did you get stuck because of the weather?

• 39:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:02Speaker 04

  So when were you supposed to come back?

• 39:05Speaker 03

  So we were meant to come back on a Thursday. We'd flown out on the Monday.

• 39:09Speaker 04

  Right.

• 39:09Speaker 03

  Tuesday, they called me. Flown out Monday, Tuesday they called me. Just so you know, yeah, there's not really gonna be any flights on Thursday due to visibility. So you can either come back Wednesday or Friday.

• 39:22Speaker 04

  Oh, okay.

• 39:23Speaker 03

  Or get the boat.

• 39:25Speaker 04

  Right.

• 39:25Speaker 03

  The boat, the helicopter's 15 minutes, the boat is three hours.

• 39:29Speaker 04

  Oh, okay.

• 39:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:31Speaker 04

  And also if it's bad upstairs, it must be bad downstairs on the water. You know what I mean? It's never perfect on the sea.

• 39:37Speaker 03

  Exactly, that, that was a lot of, that was, that was the vibe I was getting from Rose as I was trying to sort this out.

• 39:45Speaker 03

  If you, yeah, which was that, that whatever suggestion I made was the wrong one, was the vibe I was getting.

• 39:51Speaker 04

  So what, what did you decide to do?

• 39:53Speaker 03

  So Rose arrived a day late because I don't really wanna, I can't deal with this.

• 39:59Speaker 03

  But let's just knock it out. We are down to one cat.

• 40:03Speaker 04

  Mate, I'm so sorry.

• 40:05Speaker 03

  Fluff ball got hit by a car in our road when we were in Cornwall, found by the neighbour.

• 40:13Speaker 03

  Um, grim, two weeks after Beryl had died. Absolutely fucking awful times. I just can't, I just can't engage.

• 40:23Speaker 04

  Talk about it anymore.

• 40:24Speaker 03

  I do, yeah, it's really not my scene to talk about it.

• 40:28Speaker 04

  No, I don't think it would, I, I also, from a comedy entertainment pod angle.

• 40:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:33Speaker 04

  Probably not great.

• 40:34Speaker 03

  Not, it's just.

• 40:35Speaker 04

  Do you want me to book you on Zoe Bourne, Joe Wiley? He's a big fan of this kind of chat.

• 40:39Speaker 03

  It might clip up well, this.

• 40:44Speaker 03

  It might clip up well for socials.

• 40:46Speaker 04

  Don't wanna talk about it, but if you could, just for the, you know, the virality of the clip and just to bring a few eyeballs, you know what I mean? If any positive has to come from these two horrible incidents, surely, you know.

• 40:58Speaker 03

  This one was much worse.

• 41:00Speaker 04

  CPM could make you feel better.

• 41:01Speaker 03

  This one, yeah, this one was much worse because Beryl had had a good innings.

• 41:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:08Speaker 03

  Oh God.

• 41:09Speaker 04

  So you're down to Dean.

• 41:10Speaker 03

  Anyway.

• 41:12Speaker 04

  Is it called Dean?

• 41:12Speaker 03

  Follow and subscribe.

• 41:20Speaker 04

  What's the, what's the, you've only got left, pardon?

• 41:24Speaker 03

  Tilly, Tilly.

• 41:25Speaker 04

  Right. Are you staying, are you gonna, are you gonna stay at one or you're not just not?

• 41:29Speaker 03

  Can I give a shout out to the lovely man, um, Nick from, let me, let me get his company name because he's so great. Hopefully we'll never be using him again for a while.

• 41:42Speaker 04

  He's not the cremator, is he?

• 41:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:46Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 41:48Speaker 03

  Morview Pet Crematorium.

• 41:50Speaker 04

  Mad little shout out there. So you've done him twice in a week? Has he got a rule though? If it's three times in a month, he has to ring the authorities.

• 41:56Speaker 03

  We've got, we get, we actually get our next cremation free. But no, of course not.

• 42:02Speaker 04

  Sorry.

• 42:06Speaker 03

  Offer runs out at the end of the year, so there's quite a lot of pressure.

• 42:14Speaker 03

  No, he's so nice. The vet set us up with him the first time, second time I rang him direct. And he's, and I don't know whether this is true, but the vet told me that the reason he set up his business is because he'd had a bad experience with someone who was in that job, so he thought I could do this better and do it more, kind of kindly.

• 42:37Speaker 04

  Nicely.

• 42:37Speaker 03

  So, so.

• 42:38Speaker 04

  Well, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, just especially awful for you and the kids.

• 42:43Speaker 03

  It was grim, it was grim.

• 42:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:46Speaker 03

  Next, we're stuck in the Ozzy silly.

• 42:48Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 42:51Speaker 03

  Just clip the Instagram clip there, Michael.

• 43:00Speaker 02

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• 43:59Speaker 03

  This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. You can go deep, keep it on the ground or draw up something nobody sees coming. And whether you want to run a flea flicker or the tush push, you need a plan to fit your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you so they can help personalize coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

• 44:32Speaker 03

  So Rose is only arriving on the Tuesday, so I'm like, we can't go home the Wednesday. That would be mental.

• 44:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, she was, was she sorting some of that out then? So you went.

• 44:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, so I went and I bought, uh, I bought boat tickets for the Thursday. I just did it. Yeah.

• 44:51Speaker 04

  Could you not come back on the Friday? Did you have work and stuff?

• 44:54Speaker 03

  I had work on the Friday.

• 44:55Speaker 04

  All right, so you had to get back.

• 44:57Speaker 03

  Plus there was nowhere to stay because the island's full of people.

• 45:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:03Speaker 03

  So, so you'd be basically homeless on the Isle of Tresca.

• 45:08Speaker 04

  Grieving.

• 45:10Speaker 03

  Grieving.

• 45:11Speaker 04

  With poor visibility, so you can't even know where to look to be sad.

• 45:15Speaker 03

  Don't talk to me about poor. I can't think about pause. Um, but, um, this is a catch up.

• 45:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, sorry.

• 45:24Speaker 04

  So I won't do any more.

• 45:27Speaker 04

  I've got, she doing them loads in my head now, but not.

• 45:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay. Do you want to?

• 45:33Speaker 04

  No, no, what do you, you don't want to do?

• 45:35Speaker 03

  I'll, I'll, I'll take them.

• 45:38Speaker 04

  But I'll literally leave it.

• 45:41Speaker 04

  I've done one, I'll do eight more and that'll be it.

• 45:48Speaker 03

  So, um.

• 45:50Speaker 04

  I just don't want to.

• 45:50Speaker 03

  You know what?

• 45:51Speaker 04

  You know, reduce the meow, I'm trying to do meow morale, but it's not really working.

• 45:57Speaker 03

  It's not, is it?

• 45:57Speaker 04

  Meow, meow, no, sorry. Sorry, apologize.

• 46:06Speaker 03

  So we got the boat.

• 46:06Speaker 04

  Apologize.

• 46:08Speaker 03

  Apologize. Yeah.

• 46:10Speaker 04

  Sorry.

• 46:11Speaker 03

  We got the boat back, cut a long story short.

• 46:16Speaker 04

  How was the boat?

• 46:18Speaker 03

  Do you know what? It was actually quite nice. I was, I was worried it would be too choppy.

• 46:24Speaker 04

  It's a good experience for the kids. You can get them little travel cities tablets for kids as well. We have them.

• 46:29Speaker 03

  They were fine. They were fine. We actually, um, do you know what? I think I've got a pretty good constitution for stuff like that because people are quite surprised that I can read in the car, but I can always read in the car and some people get sick with that. I just don't.

• 46:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, that's good, actually.

• 46:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, so we got that back. Yeah. And then we got home and then we were quite sad. And then school started.

• 46:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:53Speaker 03

  So that's been. No.

• 46:55Speaker 04

  It's a bleak way to end. We'll do.

• 46:57Speaker 03

  It's been quite a difficult one for you, hasn't it? This episode?

• 47:00Speaker 04

  I've got something that could sort of change, shift the, also as well, I've known about this information for quite a little while.

• 47:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:06Speaker 04

  We've spoken about it, you know, over message as well as now. So I, and I don't want to talk too much about how hard and horrible it all is because it'll just mean you getting upset and it's not really.

• 47:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:17Speaker 04

  Helpful. No, it's not ideal. Um, so I can try and.

• 47:22Speaker 03

  Give me a funny anecdote.

• 47:23Speaker 04

  Okay, I've been eating too much protein, so my piss stinks.

• 47:27Speaker 03

  What?

• 47:29Speaker 04

  If you eat too much protein, your piss stinks.

• 47:31Speaker 03

  Does it?

• 47:32Speaker 04

  Hmm, really bad.

• 47:33Speaker 03

  Have you been eating too much protein?

• 47:35Speaker 04

  Gains. Uh, I want a sexy body. I want to try and lose a bit of weight and.

• 47:43Speaker 03

  So how, no, but, but how much protein have you been eating?

• 47:45Speaker 04

  Quite a lot of protein, actually.

• 47:47Speaker 03

  So talk me through your meal for the day.

• 47:49Speaker 04

  Well, no, so what I did, I've been cooking a lot of chicken and then having it for like, for lunch all week. So my lunch would be a little micro capable packet of rice and two breasts of chicken.

• 47:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:00Speaker 04

  But then in the morning, I'll probably have some, lots of eggs or maybe cottage cheese on toast, which is protein. And then I'd have some sort of, maybe again for dinner, two breast, chicken breasts and some rice.

• 48:11Speaker 03

  Oh my God.

• 48:12Speaker 04

  So it's quite a lot. And then the other day I bought girls' milkshakes, but I bought them protein shakes by mistake and realized actually you can overload a kid's sister with protein. So I only let them have a sip. So I drunk 50 grams of protein.

• 48:25Speaker 03

  Oh my God. Can I ask you a question?

• 48:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:28Speaker 03

  Are you shitting okay?

• 48:30Speaker 04

  Uh, really well, actually. That was the real shock of it all.

• 48:33Speaker 03

  Cause I thought it was, when I've gone high protein, it's blocked me up.

• 48:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, but could you get all your protein from cheese?

• 48:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:43Speaker 04

  So where else, if you, if you're going protein heavy, where are you getting your cheese?

• 48:45Speaker 03

  If I'm going protein heavy, which I don't really, it's cheese. Well, it would be cottage cheese, Greek yogurt, tofu. If I have to.

• 48:57Speaker 04

  It's a lot of dairy for the belly.

• 48:59Speaker 03

  And, you know, a protein shake, I suppose.

• 49:03Speaker 04

  You're there, I think it's just too much dairy, that is.

• 49:06Speaker 03

  Right, okay. So you're shitting well.

• 49:09Speaker 04

  As well as ever.

• 49:10Speaker 03

  It's good to know.

• 49:11Speaker 04

  You'd have a lot of curry at the weekend.

• 49:12Speaker 03

  What did your piss smell of?

• 49:16Speaker 04

  Um, imagine walking into a flat that's had a dead building in it for two months and the cat's pissed all over it.

• 49:28Speaker 03

  Don't bring up cats.

• 49:29Speaker 04

  Sorry, well, it does smell like cat. Okay. I've, I've tried to take away and I've brought it straight back, but yeah, it smells of ammonia.

• 49:36Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 49:37Speaker 04

  Sounds like your jacket after Beryl's had a go on it.

• 49:39Speaker 03

  Oh, R I P. What I'd give to a cat for pecking at my jacket.

• 49:45Speaker 04

  Um, yeah, so be warned if you're a bit of a protein game, that can happen. I can't base.

• 49:50Speaker 03

  Has it affected what you're doing?

• 49:52Speaker 04

  Well, yeah, me and Lou have had to change things in the bedroom now because the smell puts her off. Before it was fine.

• 49:59Speaker 03

  Judging by that message, I don't think you and Lou are going great guns in the bedroom.

• 50:09Speaker 04

  Well, I cannot confirm or deny if there's crumbs in the crevices.

• 50:16Speaker 04

  I would not like to assume, oh, someone thinks you, oh, George Groves, a boxer message said, you look exactly like Tom Odell. I Googled him. You do. When he's not got straightened hair, you look loads like him.

• 50:29Speaker 03

  He used to live on the next street to me as well.

• 50:31Speaker 04

  What, in East London or in Devon?

• 50:33Speaker 03

  Yeah. In East London.

• 50:35Speaker 04

  Straight, never straighten your hair. I think it's too much, but when he's got his curly hair, you look so much alike.

• 50:41Speaker 03

  I know, I know.

• 50:42Speaker 04

  What's he like? Good guy?

• 50:44Speaker 03

  Sweet bloke. Yeah, really nice.

• 50:46Speaker 04

  Have you chatted to him in coffee shops?

• 50:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, I have, yeah. I've met him a few times.

• 50:50Speaker 04

  So have you got Fluffball back then from the place?

• 50:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:55Speaker 04

  Your shelf's getting busy.

• 50:57Speaker 03

  I know, we're going to have such a mad shelf.

• 51:00Speaker 04

  So how many are up there?

• 51:02Speaker 03

  Three, standard room only, really.

• 51:06Speaker 04

  Ironic for Fluffball.

• 51:08Speaker 03

  All of them, really. Yeah.

• 51:12Speaker 03

  We're gonna have to get some more cats, Rob.

• 51:14Speaker 04

  And shelves.

• 51:16Speaker 03

  I'd pitch.

• 51:17Speaker 04

  What's, what's that bloke's name? I might invest in his company.

• 51:22Speaker 04

  Look, mate, I'm gonna buy 30%. We've just bought three more cats.

• 51:26Speaker 04

  Let's talk. You run out of funding. Yeah, get some more cats, go on.

• 51:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, all right. Well, I'll get back to you on that.

• 51:36Speaker 03

  Now it's time for small business shout out brought to you by Vista Print, your expert print partner to help you bring your ideas to life. Rob, talk to me about how Vista Print can help you with your small business. Here's an idea. First of all, I hate badly printed merch. Right. You know, when you go somewhere, you're gonna see a new band or something, you want their merch and it's, it's ruined in one go in the washing machine. It's heartbreaking.

• 52:01Speaker 04

  The mug when the image goes.

• 52:02Speaker 03

  The mug when you think, I can't dry clean this, not dry clean it, I can't dry clean it.

• 52:07Speaker 04

  I don't know how dry cleaning works. Sure, you've got to give it a bit of.

• 52:09Speaker 03

  I've never understood it. I've never understood it, Rob. I'm, I'm, I'm never gonna, I never am gonna.

• 52:13Speaker 04

  I'm never gonna look into it.

• 52:14Speaker 03

  Imagine you're starting a new dry cleaning business. You've got some merch.

• 52:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:18Speaker 03

  You want it printed well because that mug.

• 52:20Speaker 04

  Sorry, you're a dry cleaning business doing your own merch for the dry cleaning business?

• 52:24Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 52:24Speaker 04

  Fair enough.

• 52:25Speaker 03

  It's a popular dry cleaning business.

• 52:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, and what, and what is the new band doing? Pressing trousers in the interval.

• 52:29Speaker 03

  Exactly, yeah.

• 52:30Speaker 04

  Do you know what I love? A branded T-shirt for a small business.

• 52:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:34Speaker 04

  So building firms.

• 52:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:36Speaker 04

  We had a building firm and they came and they've all got the matching polo shirts.

• 52:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:41Speaker 04

  With the matching logo and they all look clean, they all look smart. And at that point, I don't care what they're doing to my foundations. I trust the polo.

• 52:48Speaker 03

  Exactly. Trust the polo.

• 52:50Speaker 04

  It's, that's different. So they look like a professional outfit.

• 52:52Speaker 03

  Cause they're wearing a professional outfit.

• 52:53Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 52:54Speaker 03

  Okay, Rob, I'll go first. Hi, Rob and Josh.

• 52:58Speaker 04

  Hi.

• 52:58Speaker 03

  I really enjoy your podcast through the, really enjoy, doesn't feel enough.

• 53:03Speaker 04

  You're so needy.

• 53:04Speaker 03

  And through the early years.

• 53:05Speaker 04

  Someone's made the effort to email, when have you emailed anyone to say you've enjoyed it?

• 53:09Speaker 03

  Through the early years has helped, uh, push through some of the ridiculousness that comes with being a first time parent. Like everyone, lockdown was a particularly difficult time and my husband realized he had had enough of the corporate world.

• 53:21Speaker 04

  Good on you.

• 53:23Speaker 03

  Is, this is the ultimate, I'd say this is the ultimate pivot from corporate. So many people do this one.

• 53:28Speaker 04

  Go on.

• 53:29Speaker 03

  Decide to become a gardener. It's the classic, isn't it?

• 53:32Speaker 04

  Is it not throwing the baby out with the bathwater though?

• 53:34Speaker 03

  No, it's like, I want to be in the green, in the sun.

• 53:38Speaker 04

  Green bath.

• 53:38Speaker 03

  Yeah. Spending his time outside and working for himself has been such a change. He runs Matthew's Gardening Services. Uh-oh, uh-oh, which covers Exeter and the surrounding areas.

• 53:50Speaker 04

  You've got yourself a new gardener.

• 53:51Speaker 03

  We haven't got a gardener.

• 53:52Speaker 04

  Matthew?

• 53:53Speaker 03

  [email protected]. He would really love a shout out as he frequently listens to the podcast whilst out cutting hedges, smiley face. Laura, 444 months.

• 54:04Speaker 04

  Oh, that's nice. Good old Matthew.

• 54:05Speaker 03

  [email protected].

• 54:08Speaker 04

  Do you know what he needs? A polo shirt from Vista Print. Hello, you sexy, relatable pair. My name is Claire and I've been an avid listener since the very beginning. My kids are eight and 10, so find Rob's tales particularly relatable. You've, that's not weaponized each, your favorite of each of us. Um, you've really got me out of the trenches some days. I'm enjoying the blue skies of this age range before the gut punch of the teenagers. Get out of the future.

• 54:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:33Speaker 04

  Don't look at the past, live in the moment, right?

• 54:36Speaker 03

  Too right.

• 54:36Speaker 04

  Yeah. My friend Lucy and I have both been teachers our whole adult lives and we're working together at a school for children with special needs when we set up our small business. We also run a special needs play and support group in our spare time. Both my brothers have autism and Lucy's parents are both deaf, so we have a lot of empathy for families of children with S E N D. Special guest is a wedding and event nanny in service specializing in the care of children with additional needs. This is good.

• 55:01Speaker 03

  This is great.

• 55:02Speaker 04

  That must be very overwhelming for them and.

• 55:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:04Speaker 04

  Big event where everyone's there and.

• 55:06Speaker 03

  Totally, it's overwhelming enough for me, Rob.

• 55:07Speaker 04

  Well, no comment.

• 55:10Speaker 04

  With over 20.

• 55:15Speaker 04

  With over twenty five years of teaching and childcare experience between them, we understand how important it is for your children to be happy, safe and regulated so that you can relax and enjoy your special day. In advance of the event, we meet with your family to discuss the needs of your child slash children, the structure of a day and your expectations in terms of the children's participation. The needs and happiness of your child are paramount and central to the service. This is so important. People spend so much money on a cake or dinner or the what's the first dance, but if your child has these additional needs, this is such an important thing to get into place if you want it to be a family event.

• 55:50Speaker 03

  This is, this is a hall of fame small business.

• 55:54Speaker 04

  This is brilliant. We are based in the West Midlands but are willing and able to travel. I hope so. And no one's gonna, no, it's a great service. I'm not getting fucking married in Dudley.

• 56:04Speaker 04

  So yeah, they're willing to travel if you're out there. Please get in touch and inquire about availability and to discuss how we can help make your event stress-free by caring for your most special guests. Instagram at specialguests.nannies, spell I E S. Facebook, special guests. Thank you so much. I really hope our service can make someone else's wedding day that bit less stressful for those family living with additional needs. Lots of love, Claire.

• 56:28Speaker 03

  Can I just say?

• 56:29Speaker 04

  Go on.

• 56:29Speaker 03

  Special Guest is a great name for the company as well.

• 56:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:33Speaker 03

  Really good.

• 56:34Speaker 04

  Do you know what they need?

• 56:35Speaker 03

  What?

• 56:36Speaker 04

  Paddo shirt.

• 56:36Speaker 03

  Exactly. Shall we just say also that it's Small Business Sunday on our Instagram. Do follow.

• 56:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, so you can find it all on Sundays on the Instagram.

• 56:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:45Speaker 04

  There we go.

• 56:45Speaker 03

  VistaPrint.co.uk. Print your possible. To get fifteen percent off your first VistaPrint order, visit VistaPrint.co.uk and use the code POUNDINGHELL15.

• 57:00Speaker 03

  This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. You can go deep, keep it on the ground, or draw up something nobody sees coming. And whether you want to run a flea flicker or the tush push, you need a plan to fit your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you so they can help personalize coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.