Pod Insights Pablo Torre Finds Out Share & Bang & Tell with Dan Soder and Katie Nolan About this episode Does anyone win in a fight between a hockey enforcer and a golfer? Will A. I. impressions ruin comedy? And how many tabs is too many tabs?
For more human-grade impressions: DanSoder.com/tour
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Transcript 10,539 words · 13 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
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2:06 Pablo Torre? I'm Pablo Torre, and this episode of Pablo Torre Finds Out is brought to you by Remy Martin 1738. Accord Royale. Exceptionally smooth cognac for all your game day festivities. Please drink responsibly. Because today, we're gonna find out what this sound is.
2:24 Speaker 04 What were you doing out there? We put you in the human body for once and you screwed it up? The water goes on the inside.
2:32 Pablo Torre? Right after this ad.
2:41 Speaker 05 We left the house and we were like, both of us are gonna wear brown. Cause we both feel tan. Cause we went to our friend's pool.
2:48 Speaker 06 I was gonna wait, so. We saw that, I have discovered the sun.
2:51 Pablo Torre? Hmm.
2:52 Speaker 05 It's good stuff.
2:53 Speaker 06 Why are people out there all the time? I am, I had to, last year I got, um, prescribed, like, weapons-grade vitamin D.
3:01 Pablo Torre? Me, me too.
3:02 Speaker 06 They were like, you need to take this every day for a week. You are low.
3:05 Speaker 05 You guys are, they're gonna find this clip in like, um, 75 years when we're all mole people. We have to live underground. And they go, could you imagine embracing the sun?
3:16 Speaker 06 Yeah, well.
3:17 Speaker 05 It feels good.
3:17 Speaker 06 I've been out there and I've been using my SPF. Don't yell at me. Can I share a secret?
3:22 Pablo Torre? Uh.
3:23 Speaker 06 Just here.
3:24 Pablo Torre? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
3:26 Speaker 06 I started using this right before I got the sun, right before I discovered that the sun will make your skin browner. I got this lotion. And it's supposed to be self-tanning gradually, cause I'm afraid of self-tanner. Cause if you do it wrong, your skin is dyed.
3:39 Pablo Torre? Your Italian heritage.
3:40 Speaker 06 It looks crazy. It's just like.
3:41 Pablo Torre? It's a high stakes decision.
3:42 Speaker 06 It's scary. So I like dipped my toe in of like, this says if I use it like lotion, every day I'll get a little bit darker, which is how it's felt safe to me. I put this shit on one time. Look at my elbows. What the hell's that?
3:59 Speaker 05 No, I don't.
4:01 Speaker 06 I have crazy self-tanned elbows.
4:03 Speaker 05 I don't, uh.
4:04 Speaker 06 It's like, what the, what, this thing lied to me. I used it once. And I was like, don't have to worry about how I'm applying it. It's a tiny gradual tan. Lies.
4:12 Speaker 05 We're a WWE house, so there's no judgment. She's just like a pro wrestler.
4:18 Pablo Torre? My mom is a dermatologist. I do not, I, this is something that she will call me about. She, she will be mad to hear that I actually just don't use suntan lotion because I'm of the opinion that I have God's natural pigmentation. You know, SPF blocker.
4:34 Speaker 05 You don't use blocker at all.
4:36 Pablo Torre? At all, at all.
4:37 Speaker 05 You never, at all, your whole life?
4:39 Pablo Torre? I have, oh, certainly my mom has forced it upon me. I have a makeup removal routine, which Katie has witnessed.
4:46 Speaker 06 Okay, yeah.
4:46 Pablo Torre? In the, by the way, the seaport's closed. The ESPN studio is done.
4:50 Speaker 06 Shut up. I definitely still had stuff there.
4:52 Pablo Torre? Yeah, I was gonna say, I don't know if you...
4:53 Speaker 05 You really did?
4:54 Speaker 06 I don't think I ever cleaned out that locker I had.
4:56 Pablo Torre? Katie's possessions are now the subject of a Storage Wars episode, I presume.
5:01 Speaker 06 Oh, that's cool. That's how that happens.
5:03 Speaker 05 Yeah.
5:03 Speaker 06 Yeah.
5:03 Speaker 05 Wait, so they shut it all down?
5:05 Pablo Torre? Yeah, they moved to a place not far from here.
5:08 Speaker 06 Where they have to pretend you can see the outside?
5:11 Pablo Torre? Katie Nolan's possessions, though, will they be CGI replicated?
5:15 Speaker 05 Yeah.
5:16 Pablo Torre? On the new virtual set.
5:17 Speaker 05 What did you have in your locker?
5:19 Speaker 06 Don't remember.
5:19 Speaker 05 Nunchucks?
5:20 Speaker 06 Do not remember. This has happened.
5:21 Speaker 05 Did you have a cutout picture of Mario Lopez on the inside of your locker door?
5:25 Speaker 06 And I gave it a smooch every day.
5:30 Speaker 05 I feel like you had something super shady in there.
5:32 Pablo Torre? Yeah, why did you just blow it for a beat?
5:35 Speaker 06 I was remembering, I was having a memory, okay? I was thinking back to my time when we worked there. It was the building where I found out that Pablo was having a baby. He like ran out of work and was like, "I need you to do I-noon. Goodbye, I'm having a baby right now."
5:48 Pablo Torre? That's a fact. That is a factual...
5:49 Speaker 06 And I was like, "I don't, I don't..."
5:52 Pablo Torre? You did break out into song.
5:53 Speaker 06 I did.
5:54 Speaker 05 And you remember Ben Affleck just ripping cigs?
5:56 Speaker 06 That's the other one. That is exactly what I was thinking of, is how my locker was right next to when Ben Affleck came in and ripped cigs in the ESPN office.
6:03 Speaker 05 Boston women, immediately their second thought is either Matt Damon or Ben Affleck. It just immediately is like...
6:09 Pablo Torre? The pheromones.
6:09 Speaker 06 He's always right here.
6:10 Speaker 05 He's right here. He's right at the [bleep] tip of your head, kid.
6:12 Speaker 06 We're thinking of you, Ben.
6:13 Speaker 05 Yeah, but he was just...
6:15 Speaker 06 Oh, I forgot to put my contacts in in the Uber.
6:16 Speaker 05 Smoking cigarettes. Now you're flying blind.
6:18 Speaker 06 I can't see anything. Do I look okay?
6:20 Speaker 05 Yeah.
6:20 Speaker 06 Should I put the sunglasses back on? Every clip I see of a woman going viral now, she's got sunglasses on.
6:25 Pablo Torre? Outside of your elbows being racially profiled, everything looks totally normal.
6:28 Speaker 06 God, how do I get rid of this? What, do I dip them in ass?
6:31 Pablo Torre? They're trying to deport your elbows.
6:50 Speaker 05 They wouldn't tell us at Sirius, there was a celebrity coming in and they were like, "You have to go the back way out of the thing." And, you know, immediately on the show, we're like, "We work here every day. Why do we have to go a different way?" And they're like, "No, you have to leave through the back door. You have to go like the long way and leave through the elevator bank on the backside." And we're like, "Who is coming?" And they're like, "We can't tell you." It was [bleep] Madonna. That was it.
7:16 Speaker 06 I mean, that was, it is crazy.
7:17 Speaker 05 I don't know.
7:18 Speaker 06 She's Madonna.
7:19 Speaker 05 Listen.
7:19 Pablo Torre? Yeah, I'm gonna go with Katie on this one, actually.
7:21 Speaker 06 I know that she, didn't she like-
7:22 Pablo Torre? That protocol feels appropriate.
7:23 Speaker 06 Is it because she, didn't she show up at the Cellar or something? She tried to stand up comedy, so I-
7:27 Speaker 05 She tried to stand up at the comedy-
7:28 Speaker 06 She has dropped-
7:29 Speaker 05 She's done it more than once.
7:30 Speaker 06 But she is still Madonna.
7:31 Speaker 05 She's done it more than once.
7:32 Pablo Torre? Wait, wait, wait, I didn't know that.
7:34 Speaker 05 She's done it twice. She's done stand up at the Comedy Cellar. I haven't been there for either. Ah, I was there the first time and didn't watch. Because why would I?
7:44 Speaker 06 He protested.
7:45 Speaker 05 Actually, I don't know. I did try, I'm not gonna lie. I tried to get the video from Liz, but Liz-
7:49 Pablo Torre? Oh, I was gonna say, isn't there a video of this?
7:52 Speaker 05 I, I love Liz and Liz is, you know, she's a real one to her job. And she's like, "I'm not gonna give you Madonna's set."
7:58 Speaker 06 Come on, why not?
7:59 Pablo Torre? Give me Madonna's set.
8:00 Speaker 06 Why film it?
8:01 Speaker 05 Come on, I wanna watch it.
8:02 Speaker 06 Why film it if we can't have it?
8:03 Speaker 05 Because I heard the second one, she bombed for 30.
8:04 Speaker 06 Well, because first of all, no [bleep].
8:05 Pablo Torre? I was gonna say, wait, she was there for 30 minutes?
8:08 Speaker 05 Yeah, that's also-
8:09 Speaker 06 That's ego. She can't tell her she can have five.
8:11 Pablo Torre? I was gonna say, that's, that's-
8:12 Speaker 05 A tight six.
8:13 Pablo Torre? That's in the category of, we don't typically let random pop stars do-
8:17 Speaker 06 This is Ben Affleck smoking in the building.
8:19 Speaker 05 100%.
8:20 Pablo Torre? We don't give 30 minutes.
8:21 Speaker 06 The Cellar especially is like, you have to get passed to get up on stage there.
8:25 Speaker 05 Yeah, but it's the way-
8:26 Speaker 06 But you're not gonna say, "Madonna, sorry, no. Try the stand."
8:30 Speaker 05 But to her, it's just like a thing. It's, to her, it's just like-
8:33 Speaker 06 I know.
8:34 Speaker 05 "Oh, it's just a room. Oh, it's a comedy club. I don't get it." She didn't give a [bleep]. She was like, "I just wanna do this. I wanna scratch this itch." And then she did it. And then, um, the thing that I heard was that- When she was like, wasn't doing well, she was doing the thing where she was going, "You guys hate me."
8:49 Speaker 06 Oh.
8:49 Speaker 05 And they'd go, "Yeah, no, we love you." And then she'd just bomb again, and then she'd be like...
8:54 Speaker 06 You guys are mad at me.
8:56 Speaker 05 Which, so I've adopted that. So if you see me live-
8:58 Speaker 06 Oh, I love that.
8:59 Speaker 05 If a joke does not hit, I go-
9:01 Speaker 06 dansoder.com for tickets.
9:02 Speaker 05 I go, "You guys are mad at me."
9:04 Pablo Torre? On tour, you can see Dan.
9:05 Speaker 05 Golden Retriever Tour kicking off in September.
9:07 Speaker 06 Let's go.
9:08 Pablo Torre? Unveiling-
9:09 Speaker 06 Sorry to wave my elbow at you.
9:10 Speaker 05 No, do it, dude. I love it. I'm a wrestling fan. You're not upsetting me. I watch people in bronzer every Monday and Friday.
9:16 Speaker 06 Keep saying the tour thing.
9:18 Speaker 05 No, it's just dansoder.com, and Madonna might be opening.
9:21 Pablo Torre? And Dan might be unveiling his, uh-
9:23 Speaker 05 You guys are mad at me.
9:25 Pablo Torre? ...baby voice.
9:26 Speaker 06 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
9:27 Speaker 05 Are you guys, do you guys hate me? Just bombing and saying that?
9:31 Speaker 06 I don't know, man. Somebody's gotta try it.
9:33 Speaker 05 Pretty good way out.
9:34 Speaker 06 Somebody has to try it.
9:35 Pablo Torre? How, how often does it happen where someone shows up being like, "I, famous person, feel like I should be able to try my hand at this, and you should enjoy it."
9:46 Speaker 05 Rarely if ever. I think it's like Madonna is obviously Madonna, even though I tried to act like, "They kicked his ass, he was for Madonna."
9:52 Speaker 06 And it was only Madonna.
9:53 Speaker 05 Cause I thought it was gonna be Prince.
9:55 Speaker 06 Oh.
9:56 Speaker 05 I thought that's who it was the whole time.
9:57 Speaker 06 Oh, cause you got hyped on it being somebody, and then you were like, "Brrr."
10:00 Speaker 05 Yeah, and I was upset that it was Madonna.
10:02 Speaker 06 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:02 Speaker 05 But, no, The Cellar doesn't like, uh, um, celebrities just go do stand-up. I think that was like, a unique case.
10:09 Pablo Torre? I like Madonna just doing like observational comedy.
10:12 Speaker 05 She's like, "What's the deal with, why do I have cones on my breasts? My breasts are cones." You go, Madonna, that's brilliant. Someone has that style already.
10:20 Speaker 06 That's already, you're not gonna believe this, someone does that.
10:23 Speaker 05 "What's the deal with sex books? I put one out in the 90s." I don't even know, this isn't even a joke.
10:30 Speaker 06 These are good references.
10:31 Pablo Torre? This is [BLEEP] facts.
10:32 Speaker 05 Wild.
10:33 Pablo Torre? Wait, her book?
10:34 Speaker 06 Her sex book that she got in trouble for.
10:35 Pablo Torre? Hold on, I gotta, this is, this is something that I'm unfortunately not as familiar with. Oh, it's titled Sex.
10:40 Speaker 05 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, buddy.
10:42 Speaker 06 I believe it's called Sex Book?
10:43 Speaker 05 It's called Sex Book? Look it up.
10:45 Pablo Torre? I think I just acquired a PDF of it.
10:48 Speaker 06 Oh, good. Free?
10:49 Speaker 05 Might be pixelated.
10:50 Pablo Torre? I think I'm pirating Madonna's sex book.
10:52 Speaker 06 Okay.
10:53 Pablo Torre? Um, I'll teach you how to [BLEEP] period.
10:57 Speaker 06 You don't read it out loud, I don't know, maybe.
10:59 Pablo Torre? I was gonna say, is this Madonna's sex book? And page eight is...
11:04 Speaker 05 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:05 Pablo Torre? Is that.
11:05 Speaker 06 Madonna's nipple.
11:06 Pablo Torre? That's, that's Madonna, right?
11:08 Speaker 05 Oh, yeah, absolutely.
11:08 Pablo Torre? Okay. I mean, she is blindfolded.
11:10 Speaker 05 Dude, not 80, late, late 80s.
11:14 Speaker 05 Back when people were still actively using-
11:16 Speaker 06 Pablo thinks he's circling her nipple with his cursor like I don't see it.
11:19 Speaker 05 Hey.
11:19 Speaker 06 And this, you'll see right here, this is a nipple?
11:21 Pablo Torre? This is not, this is not something that, um, people need to know that I was doing.
11:26 Speaker 06 No, you could save-
11:27 Pablo Torre? That sounds worse than it-
11:29 Speaker 06 You could save the tab, if you'd like.
11:30 Speaker 05 Yeah, this isn't a snuff film.
11:31 Speaker 06 We don't have to do this-
11:32 Speaker 05 This is a book that was released.
11:33 Speaker 06 Yeah.
11:34 Speaker 05 You can buy this book-
11:34 Pablo Torre? It's black and white and very tasteful.
11:36 Speaker 05 Yeah, it's, that was the thing. They were like, oh, it's a, it's art.
11:40 Pablo Torre? Yeah.
11:40 Speaker 05 Get over it. Get over it, squares. You still want him sucking my finger and looking at my nipple?
11:45 Speaker 06 Whatever.
11:45 Speaker 05 That was like a big deal, though. I was obviously hitting puberty around the time that thing was coming out.
11:49 Speaker 06 Obviously, yeah.
11:50 Speaker 05 So it was like-
11:51 Speaker 06 Formative.
11:52 Speaker 05 So, so I made it look like, well, is this the book?
11:54 Speaker 06 Well, that, what does sex mean?
11:56 Speaker 05 Now I gotta go back to the bathroom.
11:58 Speaker 06 I'm peeing a lot. Peeing a lot and it's taking a long time.
12:00 Speaker 05 I drink a lot of water. Hydration's very important to me at 12 years old.
12:05 Pablo Torre? I'm currently reading the New York Times review.
12:07 Speaker 05 Oh.
12:08 Speaker 06 What'd they give it?
12:09 Pablo Torre? Um, the title is "The Empress Has No Clothes," so I'm guessing this is gonna lean a bit negative.
12:15 Speaker 06 Oh. Now that, kids, is called context clues. What Pablo's doing there would be taught in a class called Reading Comprehension.
12:24 Speaker 05 Do they do that anymore?
12:24 Speaker 06 I don't thi- it doesn't appear that way, at least.
12:27 Pablo Torre? Here's the kicker. Um, "Some people think Madonna never did have talent or humor or appeal, but I am not one of them."
12:34 Speaker 06 Okay, that's a weird way to say that.
12:35 Speaker 05 She goes, "You ever seen her at the Cellar?" Oh my god.
12:38 Pablo Torre? "She always had a witty edge to her act that suggested she was not taking herself too seriously. Maybe sex can be a warning about what happens when pop icons become bloated one way or another. Think of Elvis in Las Vegas and you'll have an idea of where Madonna is heading if she doesn't watch out, period." 1992, page 7 of the National Edition of the New York Times.
12:56 Speaker 06 Whoa.
12:57 Pablo Torre? So.
12:58 Speaker 06 Okay.
12:59 Pablo Torre? You know.
13:01 Speaker 06 Yeah.
13:03 Pablo Torre? I do appreciate, though, the, uh, the, the amount of, the amount of nipple.
13:08 Speaker 06 You're still looking at it while we sit here looking at you? This is your podcast.
13:11 Pablo Torre? It's 132 pages.
13:12 Speaker 06 You invited us here to watch you look at Madonna's tits?
13:14 Speaker 05 It's just him go like this. Okay.
13:15 Speaker 06 Okay, I am, and oh, I got a lip, a lower lip.
13:18 Speaker 05 Anyways, Dan, how are the Giants doing?
13:22 Speaker 06 Whoa.
13:23 Speaker 05 Hey, 86, tab that. We'll re-tab that one. Anyways, Katie, what's up with your, uh, orange elbows?
13:29 Speaker 06 Double click. Save as.
13:31 Speaker 05 You just glasses on it?
13:32 Pablo Torre? Gonna pin, gonna pin this.
13:34 Speaker 05 Oh, right, all right. Gonna do some light reading after the show.
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14:19 Speaker 07 Hi, I'm Jenna Oshkowitz. You might know me from Glee. This is At the Table, the food allergy podcast, a show about food, connection, and what it really looks like to live with food allergies. Each episode, we hear stories from real people like Daniel.
14:33 Speaker 08 People would always think I was lactose intolerant, so I just kind of shortened my explanation to I'm deathly allergic. In a big way, that defined a lot of my childhood.
14:44 Speaker 07 And while there are challenges, there are moments that remind you you're not alone.
14:49 Speaker 09 One of the best guys that I dated, he made a point to memorize all my food allergies.
14:55 Speaker 07 So join us and hear their stories and more. Because living with food allergies isn't just about what you can't eat. It's about still having your seat at the table. Brought to you by Genentech and Novartis. Listen to At the Table, the food allergy podcast, on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Follow At the Table and start listening on the free iHeart Radio app today.
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15:53 Pablo Torre? Do you guys pin any tabs on your browser?
15:55 Speaker 06 I have a bunch pinned and then once there that bookmarks tab on my browser is full that I like the ones I can see.
16:01 Pablo Torre? You do, you'll go to like tiny dot level like.
16:05 Speaker 06 Yeah, I usually just keep tabs open. I have to keep deleting tabs on my phone because I'm at 500 for the browsing group.
16:12 Speaker 05 No way, no way.
16:14 Speaker 06 And I'll go back through them and then I'll go like, I do still want to read that article. Not right now, but later.
16:20 Speaker 05 500?
16:20 Speaker 06 Yeah.
16:21 Pablo Torre? Your phone must be extraordinarily slow.
16:24 Speaker 06 No.
16:24 Speaker 05 If you go back 500, if you go to like post like.
16:28 Speaker 06 What do you mean if?
16:28 Pablo Torre? Let's break this thing out.
16:29 Speaker 05 If you go to post like 50, how long ago is it?
16:32 Pablo Torre? Now we're podcasting.
16:33 Speaker 05 Is that like 2021? You are a tab hoarder.
16:37 Speaker 06 Yes, I've, I've things to do.
16:39 Pablo Torre? Oh my God, Katie is scrolling through.
16:41 Speaker 05 This is like going into your house and seeing a bunch of magazine stacks.
16:45 Speaker 06 This is from when we moved into the apartment.
16:48 Speaker 05 Great, so a couple of years ago, two years ago, two and a half years ago.
16:52 Speaker 06 I have a tab for custom neon sign because I was gonna make us one that said Sky Palace.
16:57 Speaker 05 Love it.
16:57 Speaker 06 And I was gonna hang it up in there.
16:58 Speaker 05 I do love that.
16:58 Pablo Torre? Sky Palace. You guys do have a Sky Palace.
17:01 Speaker 06 That's what we call it. It's the best.
17:03 Pablo Torre? That's why you called it that. It's a reference to something else.
17:05 Speaker 05 Live up tall.
17:06 Speaker 06 No, yeah, it's because it's a Sky Palace.
17:07 Speaker 05 And then we get high and get scared to sit right up high.
17:09 Speaker 06 Then I have an Atlantic article called Pixar's talking blobs are becoming more and more unsatisfying.
17:16 Speaker 05 All right, someone hating on Pixar. Don't love to see that.
17:18 Speaker 06 This was in 2023, June of 2023. The fantastical world of Elemental masks a lack of imagination.
17:23 Pablo Torre? Were you meaning to get back to that at some point?
17:26 Speaker 06 Yeah, still am. That's why it's there.
17:27 Speaker 05 You want to go dig through the?
17:29 Speaker 06 I go, good headline. I do want that. Just not, I don't have a reason to need it now. And then later I'll try to remember that it exists, won't be able to find it and will be frustrated. This isn't advice on how to live your life. It's me showing my mental illness to you.
17:41 Speaker 05 Do you feel like any urge when you see that you go, I don't need to know that now? This was-
17:46 Speaker 06 If I do, I delete it.
17:47 Speaker 05 Yeah, so that, yeah-
17:48 Speaker 06 I don't feel that on that. I would still like-
17:50 Pablo Torre? I was gonna say, for the audience-
17:51 Speaker 05 You still need to know about this Pixar-
17:53 Pablo Torre? The audience needs to know Katie has kept that tab.
17:55 Speaker 06 Yes, and I'm keeping it, choosing again right now to keep it.
17:58 Speaker 05 I just wanna let everyone know, I'm currently 42 years old. That was when I was still in my 30s.
18:03 Speaker 06 Crazy.
18:04 Speaker 05 That tab was when I was still in my 30s.
18:06 Speaker 06 And while we're doing this, I just want everyone to know, I am still in my 30s.
18:09 Pablo Torre? Was Jeffrey Epstein alive when that tab was opened?
18:11 Speaker 05 I don't know what you're talking about, dude. He did nothing wrong. Can we move forward?
18:14 Speaker 06 We don't even have a list. Why do you guys keep bringing up a list? Who mentioned the list?
18:18 Speaker 05 Oh my god, you guys are obsessed with J E.
18:20 Speaker 06 Oh my god.
18:21 Speaker 05 Big J E, big F.
18:22 Pablo Torre? It's very normal to have footage missing one minute of the jail.
18:26 Speaker 06 The reason I want that Pixar thing is because as we plunge towards our AI slop future, I have imagined that like, it would be very easy sooner to AI generate an entire Pixar movie than to like, AI generate one that is supposed to look like it's really people.
18:46 Speaker 05 Yeah.
18:46 Speaker 06 And I just feel like, um, I don't know, feel like there's something there. We gotta look closer.
18:51 Speaker 05 Yeah, alright.
18:52 Speaker 06 So I'm gonna keep that early.
18:53 Pablo Torre? Gonna save some evidence.
18:54 Speaker 05 I keep thinking about how AI now, we always thought it was gonna be like, computer, you might get there. Like, computers talking and being like, aware, aware of their existence.
19:03 Speaker 06 Yeah.
19:03 Speaker 05 But we've just reached the stage where it's like, um, where they do the side panels on porn websites, where it's like Peter having sex with Lois. Like, that's just where we're at with AI. Where you're like, I don't wanna watch Homer Bang Marge. I wanna like, recreate my dead father so I can have a conversation with him. I don't wanna do this.
19:21 Pablo Torre? I was gonna ask you about this actually, in, in the realm of like, one of your great gifs, Dan. Which is like, are you worried that AI is gonna get good at impressions?
19:30 Speaker 05 They already are. It's like impress, it's like crazy. They do like, uh, and I, and I eat some of the slop. I'm acting like I don't eat slop.
19:37 Pablo Torre? Wait, wait, wait, what slop are you, what, what are you?
19:39 Speaker 05 Hank Hill, Hank Hill Trapping. I don't know if you've seen that.
19:44 Speaker 05 I don't know if you've seen Hank Hill busting it out, dude.
19:47 Pablo Torre? Katie's fishing through 200 tabs at the moment.
19:51 Speaker 05 Oh, I can find that tab.
19:52 Pablo Torre? Oh, yeah, no.
19:53 Speaker 05 In about two seconds, but I don't know why.
19:56 Pablo Torre? I don't know. Wait, this is Trap King of the Hill?
19:58 Speaker 05 Yeah, it just cracks me up and, uh...
20:00 Pablo Torre? Oh, wait, this is... Okay, I've one after this that I do want to play for you guys.
20:04 Speaker 05 But this is...
20:04 Speaker 06 You guys are just having a slop off?
20:06 Speaker 05 Yeah, slop off.
20:07 Speaker 06 I'm over here sharing Atlantic articles and you two are like, "Check out my slop."
20:12 Pablo Torre? It's July.
20:13 Speaker 06 I know.
20:13 Speaker 05 It is July. You need slop. But they're doing like full songs and I didn't know that they did like, kind of cut a full album with Hank Hill. And I'm like, all right, well, this is...
20:24 Speaker 06 Too much.
20:37 Pablo Torre? I need AI Boomhauer to ad lib over this.
20:40 Speaker 05 So they got the whole album. You guys peep the album. Go follow them. I love it. I know it's gross.
20:46 Pablo Torre? But that's, that's, that's, that's, I'm gonna, I'm gonna...
20:50 Speaker 06 We have to allow ourselves to do little, like, okay, that was stupid.
20:54 Speaker 05 It's so dumb.
20:55 Speaker 06 Like, if I slow down and I watch one video of AI cutting glass fruit.
20:59 Speaker 05 You love that!
21:00 Speaker 06 It's just one.
21:01 Pablo Torre? Oh, God, you're the one who is...
21:03 Speaker 05 She loves it. It scratches her itch, dude.
21:05 Speaker 06 The way that the knife...
21:06 Pablo Torre? What about it?
21:07 Speaker 06 Um, it's the sound the knife makes as it cuts through the glass fruit.
21:20 Speaker 06 It's the fact that my brain goes, "That doesn't, it doesn't matter."
21:24 Speaker 05 Yeah.
21:25 Speaker 06 As soon as it starts to go, "You couldn't possibly," it goes, "Shh."
21:28 Speaker 05 There's a reason, listen, all of this is coming to fruition. This was MKUltra, and it's all coming to fruition now where they're finding ways to scratch our brains like dogs.
21:38 Pablo Torre? Yeah.
21:38 Speaker 05 Where it scratches a certain thing because...
21:41 Pablo Torre? That's exactly what's up.
21:41 Speaker 06 Because everything feels bad, so we're all just going, "Can I feel good for a second?"
21:46 Speaker 05 But like Katie hates ASMR, but that is kind of a form of ASMR because you're hearing the...
21:50 Speaker 06 Who said that?
21:51 Speaker 05 I thought you didn't like ASMR.
21:53 Speaker 06 It doesn't do for me what it does for the people it does it for.
21:56 Pablo Torre? Sorry, you're more of an AI knife cutting glass.
21:59 Speaker 06 Yeah, those are ASMR. Those are ASMR.
22:01 Speaker 05 But they found a way. That's what I'm saying. They like found a way to where you go, I don't need that scratched. And you go, except if you scratch it like that, that's exactly what I want.
22:08 Speaker 06 I do like that. But you got it. You have to go and now we're done.
22:11 Pablo Torre? Your foot is tapping on the ground rapidly as you're watching this.
22:13 Speaker 06 And now we're done with you. And then you go to shut the door.
22:15 Speaker 05 And I love videos of guys with dreads, like big dreads.
22:20 Speaker 06 We were talking about AI.
22:21 Speaker 05 Getting there. I know, but I'm talking about scratching that itch.
22:23 Pablo Torre? You're talking, that's, that's again, that's in the Dr. Pimple Popper Coaching.
22:26 Speaker 05 Yes.
22:26 Speaker 06 Yes, that's right. That's exactly. Everybody's got their pimple dread shade, whatever it makes you feel relief when it happens to whatever it is.
22:33 Speaker 05 Like people with a ton of hair and then they cut it and they're like, oh, look at all that. The water hitting their scalp.
22:38 Speaker 06 So like washing a dog.
22:40 Speaker 05 Yeah.
22:40 Pablo Torre? This is the, the AI.
22:42 Speaker 06 This could be anything.
22:43 Pablo Torre? Uh, this is Homer Simpson.
22:45 Speaker 05 Yeah, bang.
22:47 Speaker 06 In front of Barney?
22:49 Pablo Torre? This is, this is, this is him, this is him romancing Marge by performing at a concert that is populated by AI-generated cartoon characters. But this is Homer singing.
23:02 Speaker 06 So elaborate.
23:04 Pablo Torre? Starlight by Muse.
23:10 Speaker 06 Beautiful. Homer's got a lovely voice. And Shrek is into it.
23:14 Speaker 05 Big Muse, big Muse guy. Also Shrek loves Muse too.
23:18 Speaker 06 Shrek loves Muse.
23:19 Speaker 05 He'll come out of the forest for it.
23:20 Pablo Torre? In other words, Dan, you are not worried. You are mostly kind of.
23:24 Speaker 05 It's inevitable. What am I gonna do?
23:25 Speaker 06 But I also think, if I may, my favorite thing about your ability to do voices isn't just that you do voices. It's that you then apply it to make whatever joke you've made funnier.
23:34 Speaker 05 Yeah.
23:35 Speaker 06 It's always been my issue with people that do voices that everyone's like, oh, you're offended? I'm like, no, it just didn't serve the joke. It was the joke itself was you doing the voice. Whereas I'd rather you use the voice to tell a joke and Dan does that. Let me finish complimenting you. AI will never be, I think the last thing AI is gonna be good at is humor. I don't think AI is funny.
23:58 Pablo Torre? Oh, I agree. I agree with that.
23:59 Speaker 06 It's like too hard for it to get, it tries too hard in a way that you're like, you don't get it.
24:04 Pablo Torre? Because humor is fundamentally social, implicit, context clues.
24:09 Speaker 06 Right.
24:09 Pablo Torre? And that's like the deepest layer.
24:12 Speaker 06 That's so true, Baba. That's so true.
24:14 Speaker 05 Humans, we're very emotional. We're like the most emotional animal ever. So I don't think AI will be able to replicate that because like, especially with music, when you hear AI music now, you're like, it is, it misses something.
24:27 Speaker 06 Yeah.
24:27 Speaker 05 It misses like soul to it.
24:29 Speaker 06 Yeah.
24:29 Speaker 05 There's no like, you can, they can make it sound pleasing or whatever. And I know mute with music especially, you can trick it by like the counts and stuff that you're like, it is somewhat mathematical, but I just think AI will never be able to replicate like the human soul.
24:43 Speaker 06 If you read something written by ChatGPT or like, what's the Twitter one, Grok?
24:47 Pablo Torre? So we're, we're speaking by the way.
24:49 Speaker 06 Smarmy humor.
24:50 Pablo Torre? At, Grok at this moment has been like actually deactivated.
24:55 Speaker 06 He's going, oh, he's there off. They turned it off.
24:57 Pablo Torre? People are trying to ask Grok and Grok is not responding.
25:00 Speaker 05 Grok's gonna be the first Netflix doc about AI where he was like, I was mistreated. If Elon ever sells off Grok and someone else buys it, they do the Netflix doc where they're like, were you abused? He told me to be liberal, then conservative, and then liberal again.
25:15 Pablo Torre? Grok is being managed like a boy band right now.
25:17 Speaker 05 Yeah.
25:17 Speaker 06 Crazy.
25:18 Speaker 05 Yeah, Elon's his Lou Pearlman. I think the problem with humans is we're starting to give like kids Ozempic and [BLEEP]. And they're like, we're like losing our funny and lonely kids.
25:27 Pablo Torre? Mmm.
25:27 Speaker 05 Like doing voices was a thing out of pure loneliness, just like being funny for myself. And then fat kids, you need fat kids. We need.
25:35 Pablo Torre? Right. AI Macho Man doesn't have the trauma that.
25:38 Speaker 05 No, he's gotta be alone, learning how to cut promos on his [BLEEP] roommate. Cause you know, AI didn't have to clean a sink full of dishes and get mad about it.
25:46 Speaker 06 Here's a question. I was thinking about this yesterday. Sometimes I, in this current climate, hesitate to say something I think because someone's gonna ascribe me a political party and then say that that's what I, and so I, but what political party is this? If I feel like in terms of wealth, if you reach a certain amount, like let's say however much Peter Thiel has, we should be able to find you when you say in an interview, something along the lines of, I don't know if humanity should exist forever and continue.
26:17 Pablo Torre? You would prefer the human race to endure, right? You're hesitating.
26:22 Speaker 10 Yeah, well, I.
26:23 Pablo Torre? Yes?
26:23 Speaker 10 I don't know. I, I would.
26:26 Speaker 10 I would, um... This is a long hesitation. There's so many questions implicit in this. Should the human race survive?
26:36 Speaker 06 We should be able to find you the way that the NBA would find a player when they disparage the refs.
26:40 Speaker 05 Oh, when they go like, "That call is bull..."
26:42 Speaker 06 And then they go like, "You gotta give us $25,000. You can't do that." It undermines the game.
26:46 Speaker 05 Peter Thiel would feel like you're trying to wipe out humanity. You gotta give us $2 billion.
26:50 Pablo Torre? There should be replay review.
26:52 Speaker 06 Yes, and we should go, "Watch, show that..." First of all, stop doing interviews. That guy can't talk comfortably.
26:58 Pablo Torre? This video, Katie's description, is not in any way an exaggeration.
27:01 Speaker 05 No, he goes, "Do you think humanity should..." The guy asks it pretty flat out.
27:07 Speaker 06 And he's like, "It's sounding like you're hesitating quite a bit."
27:09 Pablo Torre? Ross Douthat, who's like the New York Times conservative columnist, who's just like, kind of like putting a question on a T.
27:16 Speaker 05 Yeah.
27:17 Pablo Torre? And...
27:18 Speaker 05 Hey, humans are... You still like humans, right? And he goes, "I..."
27:21 Pablo Torre? Peter Thiel's just like Nomar Garcia Parra-ing.
27:23 Speaker 06 Yes!
27:25 Pablo Torre? Like verbal, verbal, you know, wristband adjustment for 30 seconds.
27:31 Speaker 06 It's the way, every interview I see of this guy, he's wet in a wrong way. Something is moist that isn't, and it's wrong. And he's like breathing funny, and he takes these long pauses that like, "I'm trying to teach myself to slow down and allow some silence." He is the worst case. You leave so much silence, and then he does the like, "Well, and I, um, and I..." And he seems so nervous, that you're like...
27:56 Pablo Torre? A lot of buffering, a lot of physical buffering.
27:59 Speaker 06 I don't like somebody... I know you're full of boy blood, but I don't like somebody that nervous...
28:03 Pablo Torre? Alleged blood boys.
28:04 Speaker 06 That nervous to have that much money and to be running our upcoming, uh, human experiments known as the whatever Olympics that he's doing.
28:12 Speaker 05 Oh, he's doing the Roy Awards.
28:14 Speaker 06 Funding the Roy Olympics, and he's so nervous.
28:16 Speaker 05 I think he goes back to the spaceship and they go like, "What were you doing out there? We put you in the human body for once and you screwed it up? The water goes on the inside." And he goes like,
28:28 Speaker 11 "Why? I don't know. I was stressed out. They asked me about humans. I was... You want me to tell them that they're supposed to live?"
28:34 Speaker 06 Ross Douthat is a very skilled interviewer.
28:37 Speaker 11 Oh, come on, we set it up.
28:39 Pablo Torre? It was a gotcha question.
28:40 Speaker 11 The liberals go too much off emotion, the conservatives off just stuff they hear.
28:47 Speaker 06 Peter Thiel needs a Jordan.
28:50 Pablo Torre? Wow.
28:50 Speaker 06 To jump in and go.
28:51 Pablo Torre? He needs to be momaged.
28:52 Speaker 06 We're not talking about that.
28:53 Speaker 05 Oh, yeah.
28:54 Speaker 06 He needs to be momaged so badly.
28:56 Speaker 05 Yeah, just go get a, you know.
28:57 Speaker 06 I don't know, dude. Just what are you doing? You make me so uncomfortable.
29:00 Pablo Torre? Wait, I want, I want Peter Thiel to have a, to have a Jordan Hudson.
29:04 Speaker 06 It's just a wild.
29:05 Pablo Torre? It really would help, actually.
29:06 Speaker 05 We don't talk about that. I mean, he could afford one. He could afford like the biggest king [BLEEP] out there. Just pay a lady like, you know, a hundred million.
29:12 Speaker 06 The biggest king [BLEEP].
29:14 Speaker 05 Yeah, just to go like, man or a woman, just to go.
29:16 Pablo Torre? Non-duragatory.
29:17 Speaker 05 Non-duragatory. We're just going like, hey, we're not talking about that. I'll do it. Hey, he doesn't answer questions about humans, you stupid [BLEEP]. And then Peter goes, thank you, Dan. And I go, you're welcome. I'll be eating my crap.
29:29 Speaker 06 Throw a fish in his mouth.
29:30 Speaker 05 When he throws a treat.
29:32 Pablo Torre? It does feel like Peter Thiel.
29:33 Speaker 05 By the way, I'm buying a compound on New Zealand because this thing's about to get fried.
29:38 Pablo Torre? Peter Thiel does have, uh, Men in Black.
29:41 Speaker 06 Yes.
29:41 Pablo Torre? Cockroach guy alien.
29:42 Speaker 06 What's his fucking deal?
29:44 Speaker 05 He's got any sugar.
29:45 Speaker 06 What's his deal?
29:47 Speaker 05 More.
29:48 Speaker 06 Oh, yeah, as I'm saying that, should I, he's gay, right? I didn't mean to say that he needs a Jordan in the sense that he needs to.
29:54 Pablo Torre? Yeah, that's the part that he'll be offended by.
29:55 Speaker 06 I didn't mean to, yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I forgot for a second.
29:59 Speaker 05 That, uh, that's the reason he shut down Gawker.
30:02 Speaker 06 Yeah, that's the whole thing.
30:03 Speaker 05 He funded Hogan.
30:04 Speaker 06 Yeah.
30:04 Pablo Torre? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
30:05 Speaker 05 What you gonna do when I get funded by a billionaire?
30:08 Speaker 06 I just think we should be able to say, you have to pay us money. You can't do that.
30:12 Speaker 05 I'm gonna go, ew, why are you wet?
30:15 Speaker 05 That's what I'm sorry.
30:16 Speaker 06 What's this?
30:16 Speaker 05 Ew, you dewy ass.
30:18 Speaker 06 What's this?
30:18 Speaker 05 Shut your dewy ass up. He's like, oh, um, I need more sugar.
30:34 Speaker 06 Real quick, if any of these sound familiar, there's something you can do right now. Craving something sweet after every meal? Hungry again an hour after you eat?
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31:44 Speaker 06 I wish we had like a cool villain. All the villains we got are like-
31:47 Speaker 05 Yeah, Bond villains were cool.
31:48 Speaker 06 They got no taste, no style, no-
31:51 Speaker 05 Where is the volcano with the opening platform?
31:55 Pablo Torre? So I think I have an answer.
31:57 Speaker 06 That Bezos wedding was like, what is this?
31:58 Pablo Torre? So the Be-
31:59 Speaker 05 Bezos, it was a Bond villain.
32:00 Speaker 06 Why is there gray carpet in the forest or whatever?
32:03 Pablo Torre? The Bezos wedding would have been a Bond villain wedding if it was like on an inaccessible island.
32:10 Speaker 05 That's what they should have done.
32:11 Pablo Torre? It was instead in Times Square. It was in Italian Times Square.
32:15 Speaker 05 It should have been on like Dead Man's Island.
32:16 Pablo Torre? Skull Island.
32:17 Speaker 06 Wasn't it right off of Venice? Like it's not, it wasn't on the main Venice.
32:21 Pablo Torre? No, they were all staying in hotels in Venice. And then there was like a thing that was-
32:24 Speaker 06 Like a separate island.
32:25 Pablo Torre? Slightly more removed.
32:27 Speaker 06 Yeah.
32:27 Pablo Torre? But it was very photographable. I think the people who are doing the villain stuff that you guys are describing, so this is, I will anonymize this story because legal reasons. But I was just talking to somebody who inadvertently wound up on a boat that he claims involved another boat following it.
32:51 Pablo Torre? And that boat was full of, and this is, again, this is not something I've reported, just a story I was just told, was full of prostitutes and it like docked inside the bigger boat.
33:03 Speaker 05 Okay.
33:04 Pablo Torre? And.
33:04 Speaker 05 Little, little preview of things to come.
33:06 Pablo Torre? And, and it, it went to a Caribbean island and the owner of the boat was revealed to be,
33:13 Pablo Torre? I think this is general enough for me to say, a Russian billionaire who also owns a very prominent soccer team.
33:18 Speaker 05 No way.
33:19 Pablo Torre? So I'm like, when I heard that story, this was.
33:21 Speaker 05 Guys live in GTA. Guys live in Grand Theft Auto in real life. Whole boat of hookers into bigger boat and then we do Hooker Island. Like that's the party you want to go to, not Bezos is where they're all giving like.
33:34 Pablo Torre? That's all we're asking.
33:34 Speaker 05 Like.
33:35 Pablo Torre? Why can't, why can't American billionaires do that?
33:39 Speaker 05 I'll tell you what, I know we've been on the boy, I know we've been on old Peter Thiel, but this steroid Olympics.
33:46 Speaker 06 People are gonna die.
33:47 Speaker 05 Well, we're, we're reaching the part of society where that will, Running Man is like, there's a new one coming out, which doesn't look that good.
33:54 Speaker 06 There is?
33:55 Speaker 05 Glenn Jacobs is Arnold's role in Running.
33:57 Speaker 06 Jacobs?
33:58 Speaker 05 Or what's his name? No, who's the guy that was in?
34:00 Pablo Torre? Oh, Glenn Powell.
34:02 Speaker 05 Glenn Powell.
34:03 Pablo Torre? Who's in everything now.
34:04 Speaker 06 Jacobs, I do recognize that name. Who is that? Was that my old boss at ESPN? I think it is.
34:09 Pablo Torre? I think so.
34:09 Speaker 06 Glenn Jacobs.
34:11 Pablo Torre? Glenn Jacobs was named, was recently named Vice President of Production for MMA.
34:17 Speaker 05 I just.
34:18 Speaker 06 Shut up Glenn Jacobs, he was my first boss at ESPN before they moved him around and reorged and reorged and reorged and then I think laid him off.
34:24 Speaker 05 Is that Kane's name from WWE?
34:27 Speaker 06 Maybe.
34:28 Speaker 05 Can you check if that's Kane from WWE, now the mayor of?
34:32 Pablo Torre? Glenn Thomas Jacobs, also known by his ring name Kane.
34:35 Speaker 05 Son of a, that's Kane. I wish you could hit the red effects.
34:41 Pablo Torre? Did he do that when in 2018? He became the mayor of Knox County, Tennessee.
34:47 Speaker 05 Oh, yeah.
34:47 Speaker 06 Damn, Knox County feels like a popular county in Tennessee. I feel like I've. Would that be where Knoxville is?
34:52 Pablo Torre? Um, Katie, it's county seat is Knoxville.
34:56 Speaker 05 Back to this steroid Olympics.
34:58 Speaker 06 You're excited for it?
34:59 Speaker 05 It's just, no, I'm not. I feel the same way about it as I do about a Paul Brother boxing.
35:04 Pablo Torre? I get the gist.
35:05 Speaker 05 If it hits me on the right Saturday.
35:07 Speaker 06 I think someone's gonna die. I just think they're gonna put too much stuff in. They're gonna, their heart's gonna [bleep].
35:13 Pablo Torre? It's gonna be like that jack dog that looks like it can't walk.
35:15 Speaker 05 Yeah, the [bleep]. Where you get those pipples that you're like, it's just muscle.
35:18 Speaker 06 Or the kangaroos too. Have you ever seen giant yoked kangaroos?
35:21 Speaker 05 I think they wanna compete.
35:23 Speaker 06 Yeah.
35:23 Speaker 05 So I think they're gonna be pushing their, whatever sport they're doing. Yeah, it could end up in death, but I don't think they're gonna be like, do you think they're gonna be like hot dog balls of muscle?
35:32 Speaker 06 I don't know, I think they're gonna try, they're, the way they're marketing it now, and it has changed over the years since they've had this idea. But the current angle they're taking, which seems to be working, is that they wanna test the limits of human, like, capability.
35:46 Speaker 05 Yeah.
35:46 Speaker 06 And so they're like, you're holding us back by saying we can't use these drugs to enhance our bodies to achieve more.
35:52 Pablo Torre? So, so in fact, to unite some, some, some stray threads we've been dangling here. Uh, the idea is the brainchild of Dr. Aaron De Souza, the Australian lawyer who helped mastermind Thiel's proxy war against news media organization Gawker, which led to Gawker's bankruptcy in 2016. Furthermore, in a recent interview with The Independent, De Souza was defiant and outlined how he hoped the enhanced games would not only shake up the world of sport, but provide a public platform for life extending science to thrive. Quote, "This is the route towards eternal life."
36:24 Speaker 05 Yes, yes.
36:26 Pablo Torre? This is a said.
36:27 Speaker 05 That's never gone wrong.
36:28 Speaker 06 I can't.
36:28 Speaker 05 Anyone that's ever sought that out has nev, nothing bad has ever happened.
36:32 Speaker 06 I.
36:33 Speaker 05 Only good can come from this.
36:35 Speaker 06 Can't relate to the desire to want to live forever.
36:40 Speaker 05 Well, my love, that's because you have depression.
36:41 Speaker 06 How many people are out here going, "This, but always."
36:46 Pablo Torre? Katie, I.
36:47 Speaker 06 Not me. Not me. I'm going, "How much longer do we have to do this for?"
36:53 Speaker 05 What is left on the clock?
36:54 Speaker 06 When do I get to go to sleep?
36:57 Pablo Torre? I will say, your internet search history suggests that you plan on living forever.
37:01 Speaker 06 Well, let me go back, because we really did only get to one article there, and there's a lot in here.
37:05 Speaker 05 What if I told you, you could live? Forever.
37:08 Speaker 06 How to reheat chicken parm, always important.
37:11 Pablo Torre? How to reheat?
37:12 Speaker 06 Don't want to do that wrong.
37:12 Speaker 05 I'm gonna step in as your, you know, future husband and tell you to keep that tab.
37:17 Speaker 06 I do, that's, yeah.
37:19 Pablo Torre? What's wrong?
37:19 Speaker 06 I'm thinking of you all.
37:20 Speaker 05 I saw you go to that X.
37:22 Pablo Torre? What's the strategy?
37:22 Speaker 06 Right next to it, Ronnie Lott signature. It was your birthday.
37:26 Pablo Torre? I was gonna say, either you're-
37:27 Speaker 05 Greatest, greatest safety.
37:28 Pablo Torre? You were trying to steal Ronnie Lott's identity or getting Dan a great birthday gift.
37:32 Speaker 05 Yep.
37:33 Speaker 06 Which is it?
37:34 Pablo Torre? What, what, what's wrong with normal chicken parm reheating?
37:37 Speaker 06 With chicken parm, you have the chicken.
37:39 Pablo Torre? It's real teal, like.
37:40 Speaker 06 You have the chicken, that, you know, a microwave heats from the inside out. So that's something to keep in mind. So you have the chicken that you need to get warm. You have the breading that you need to get crispy. That could get soggy pretty easily, you don't want that. And then you have cheese that you don't want. I don't, are we having a contest of how to do it? I can click on the tab and tell you what it says.
37:57 Pablo Torre? As someone who often reheats chicken parm, now I'm like, this is a bit of news I can use.
38:01 Speaker 05 Yeah, we gotta find out what you do.
38:01 Speaker 06 You want everything to be reheated in a way that makes, the best place to heat up the dish is in the oven. The dry heat will make sure the breaded chicken has a perfectly crisp texture and that your pasta doesn't get too soggy. Well, this is assuming you have pasta in there too. I would do that separately, so that's crazy.
38:15 Speaker 05 Yeah.
38:16 Speaker 06 I don't know, maybe this is a bad link too.
38:18 Pablo Torre? There are a lot of paragraphs in this.
38:20 Speaker 06 Instant pots? I don't know what that is. I don't know what an instant pot is.
38:23 Pablo Torre? This is a choose your own adventure of-
38:25 Speaker 06 Stove top, it tells you how to do it in all the different ways. To do it in a skillet if you want, this is basically, yes, choose your own adventure.
38:30 Speaker 05 I know we were, we were talking about your locker earlier at ESPN, but this does feel like the end of the school year, cleaning out your locker and being like, oh, I found this. I was supposed to turn this assignment in and I didn't. That's what it feels like.
38:42 Speaker 06 The New Yorker 100, The Case Against Travel by Agnes Callard. It turns us into the worst version of ourselves while convincing us that we're at our best.
38:52 Speaker 05 Huh, interesting, save that.
38:54 Speaker 06 And as a lady who likes to sit, I was like, I love when somebody advocates loudly for just sitting.
38:59 Speaker 05 Back to the Roit Olympics, do they have a date? Do they have like any?
39:03 Speaker 06 Yes.
39:04 Speaker 05 So it's gonna happen.
39:05 Pablo Torre? Yeah, it's next summer, I think.
39:05 Speaker 06 In Vegas and it's, I think next, or October.
39:07 Speaker 05 Of course, it's Vegas.
39:08 Speaker 06 Something's telling me October, but-
39:09 Pablo Torre? May 2026, the Enhanced Games, and it is in Las Vegas.
39:14 Speaker 05 And is it like track and field?
39:16 Pablo Torre? They are scheduled to include track and field, swimming, weightlifting, gymnastics-
39:21 Speaker 05 That's gonna be crazy.
39:21 Pablo Torre? And combat sports.
39:23 Speaker 05 Combat sports is the dangerous.
39:26 Speaker 05 But man, I'm not gonna be able to turn away.
39:28 Speaker 06 I know.
39:28 Pablo Torre? I mean, admittedly, we've been like, we've been talking about this on our show a lot. Like, should we, in terms of like, should we do this on our show? Uh, and at every turn, I'm just kinda like, again, I kinda get it. But now, now that I hear about this eternal life thing, I'm like, mm.
39:43 Speaker 05 It's so funny that that's, it's like, not a good commercial for that, where they go, and we think it's a good commercial for eternal life. You should go, just start with extending it. Start with extending it.
39:54 Speaker 06 If it's you and me and we're still around, I would live with you forever. But like, if I, if you, if anything happens, if anything happens to you, and then I, they figure out eternal life, and I'm like, what the hell?
40:04 Speaker 05 Yeah, guys, we already covered this. It's called Dracula.
40:07 Speaker 06 Yeah. Damn.
40:08 Speaker 05 Guys, we've already, Anne Rice and Bram Soder have covered this topic.
40:12 Pablo Torre? Can I tell you guys about one tab that I've been meaning to show both of you?
40:16 Speaker 06 Yeah. Unless it's the sex book again, Pablo. I know what a nipple looks like.
40:19 Speaker 05 Yeah.
40:20 Pablo Torre? I minimize that.
40:21 Speaker 06 I have three of them.
40:22 Speaker 05 Some of us were there when the book came out.
40:24 Speaker 06 Okay.
40:25 Pablo Torre? The thing I wanted to show you actually is this.
40:29 Speaker 12 Drive the fuck up there, or you're gonna get food of the fuck out of here.
40:32 Pablo Torre? Have you guys seen this?
40:32 Speaker 06 Oh, yes.
40:33 Pablo Torre? Dan, have you seen this?
40:35 Speaker 12 I fucking promise you that. Hurry up.
40:38 Pablo Torre? We're on a golf course.
40:38 Speaker 12 Oh, he's not. Not that fucking tough.
40:41 Speaker 05 They sound Canadian.
40:42 Pablo Torre? This is Canada.
40:43 Speaker 12 You're tough. You're not tough. You're not tough. Let's get going. Get going.
40:48 Pablo Torre? So, smaller guy in like, a very loud Dan Flashes shirt.
40:53 Speaker 12 This is not golf.
40:54 Pablo Torre? Sunglasses shorts.
40:56 Speaker 12 You can't even.
40:57 Speaker 05 This is golf. This is golf now.
40:58 Speaker 12 You guys can't even stand into your ball up now. He's not teeing it up. He's standing.
41:03 Speaker 05 God, they're Canadian.
41:04 Speaker 12 Police out here? No, we don't need police. We're not. Okay, then let's get going.
41:07 Speaker 05 You need me to go get a guy, bud?
41:09 Speaker 12 Get going. This is not fun. We're what? Now throw in this fucking lane?
41:13 Speaker 05 Guys, just casually lining up a shot.
41:16 Speaker 12 No, fuck you both.
41:16 Pablo Torre? Beautiful blue sky.
41:17 Speaker 12 This is fucking bull.
41:18 Speaker 06 God doesn't know how to film. The action.
41:21 Speaker 05 They're still mad.
41:22 Speaker 12 Twenty-three minutes. I'll drive on it.
41:24 Speaker 05 That is crazy.
41:25 Pablo Torre? So that's the dispute at the core of this.
41:29 Pablo Torre? And this short guy-ish with the shirt, the loud shirt and the glove and the shorts.
41:35 Speaker 05 I love a guy hitting a cry about it.
41:37 Speaker 06 Abort it.
41:38 Pablo Torre? And he has the high ground.
41:40 Speaker 05 Oh, glasses are off. Still got the golf glove. Oh, golf hand. Nice. Take the glove off.
41:46 Pablo Torre? Gloveless. He's degloved.
41:50 Speaker 05 He's a boot?
41:53 Speaker 05 Okay.
41:55 Speaker 12 Pack up. Go now.
41:58 Speaker 06 Cameraman's on whose side?
41:59 Pablo Torre? Hard to tell so far.
42:01 Speaker 05 This guy clapping like a-
42:02 Pablo Torre? This guy's doing a hockey dance.
42:06 Speaker 12 Come on, man. Hey.
42:08 Speaker 05 Is he going to the lake?
42:09 Speaker 06 Get in the water.
42:10 Speaker 05 Yeah. Squish Flash taking a bath.
42:16 Speaker 05 Oh, he's coming out of the water. Swamp thing. Swamp thing.
42:21 Speaker 05 Boop him.
42:23 Speaker 05 Boop. He's a big boy, too.
42:27 Speaker 05 Stop, guy.
42:30 Speaker 05 Oh, my God. Oh. He's saying bang?
42:33 Pablo Torre? He's saying bang.
42:38 Speaker 05 Dude, this guy is just like, nah, you know what?
42:40 Speaker 06 God, he won't stop.
42:44 Speaker 05 That's a big brother toss. Please get up. Come back for more. Come back for more. He's the term hater.
42:51 Speaker 06 My shirts are falling off.
42:55 Speaker 05 Smashing someone's face and saying bang is objectively hilarious.
42:59 Pablo Torre? Mike greening him as you're-
43:01 Speaker 06 You have to reveal that we, that who they are.
43:04 Pablo Torre? So, when you said, "This is gonna live forever," uh, the guy who is the, well, I, he's not the aggressor, actually, but he is the guy-
43:11 Speaker 06 Bang, bang, bang guy.
43:12 Pablo Torre? Bang, bang, banging that guy's face. I texted a phone number we acquired for him because we identified him, and the internet has now identified him, as a gentleman by the name of Nick Tarnaski.
43:24 Speaker 05 Okay.
43:24 Pablo Torre? Who you may vaguely recall from his previous life as NHL enforcer.
43:31 Speaker 05 I mean-
43:32 Pablo Torre? He played for the Tampa Bay Lightning, National Predators and Florida Panthers. According to data from hockeyfights.com, his professional fight record
43:40 Speaker 05 Oh my god.
43:41 Pablo Torre? totals 167 fights.
43:43 Speaker 06 Which explains the "I tried to tell you to shut up" energy. Like, I warned you.
43:49 Speaker 05 Also makes the guy, when he's going, "Woo! Woo!" You're like, "Buddy, you have no idea what... The tree you're barking up right now is absolutely..."
43:59 Speaker 06 "You have to listen to me. You do not want..."
44:01 Speaker 05 That's the coolest moment where he goes,
44:03 Speaker 06 "Do not want this."
44:03 Speaker 05 "I'm trying to give you my Liam Neeson."
44:05 Speaker 06 "Please, please, please, please."
44:07 Speaker 05 "I have acquired a certain amount of CTE in the NHL. I'm about to unleash that CTE."
44:12 Speaker 06 "Once I start, it's not gonna stop. I'm gonna drag on you."
44:16 Speaker 05 "I will put you in the swamp. You will come back out. I will say bang, bang, bang." I like that he's calling bang.
44:23 Speaker 06 And also the technique.
44:24 Speaker 05 He's like Emerald Lagasse. He's like, "Bang! Boom! We're gonna make this spicy! Ababosh!" Yeah, that's the coolest [BLEEP]. If I could fight, I would absolutely be saying bang as I rang a dude's bell.
44:36 Speaker 06 I'd sound out of breath embarrassed. I'd be like, "Bang!"
44:38 Speaker 05 Please, someone-
44:39 Speaker 06 "Bang!"
44:41 Speaker 05 This is a lot of activity. "I want you to ring my bell. Ring my bell. Bang, bang." I'd be singing that if I were-
44:51 Pablo Torre? Steel roof, rusty.
44:53 Speaker 05 That is a... That's his nickname?
44:55 Speaker 06 Tin.
44:55 Pablo Torre? A tin?
44:56 Speaker 06 "Teeeee roof! Rusty."
45:00 Speaker 05 That is great.
45:01 Pablo Torre? That's a really good-
45:02 Speaker 06 Thanks. My dad loves the B-52s.
45:05 Pablo Torre? That's a great B-52.
45:06 Speaker 06 My dad loves the B-52s.
45:08 Speaker 05 Um-
45:09 Speaker 06 To the point where they said they were going on their-
45:11 Speaker 05 They shared it.
45:12 Speaker 06 Their goodbye tour or whatever.
45:13 Speaker 05 They did the Cher thing.
45:14 Speaker 06 And then they... And then they're back now.
45:16 Speaker 05 Yeah.
45:16 Speaker 06 And you're like, "My dad spent-"
45:17 Pablo Torre? They open for Cher.
45:18 Speaker 06 "-all that money to go..."
45:20 Speaker 05 Oh no, I was saying Cher does that. Cher like, back in the day would go like, "I'm retiring. Good luck finding me."
45:27 Speaker 06 "How dare you. How dare you."
45:30 Pablo Torre? That Cher's tight 30?
45:31 Speaker 06 "Isn't it more downhill?"
45:32 Speaker 05 "We're used to be." She's like, "I'm back, motherf**ers!" And then it was like, "You said you were gone." She's like, "Hello!" Anyways, shout out Fresno.
45:56 Speaker 06 Were we supposed to talk about your hair at some point?
45:58 Pablo Torre? Um.
45:59 Speaker 05 Don't cut it. I'm in the don't cut camp.
46:02 Pablo Torre? I do think that if I wore like a, like a Three Ninjas headband, it would look cool.
46:08 Speaker 05 Man, Three Ninjas really had us out here thinking we could beat up grown men.
46:11 Pablo Torre? Some tum tum vibes?
46:13 Speaker 06 Yeah, tum tum. Wait, I had a crush on one of them. Which ninja did I have a crush on?
46:16 Speaker 05 Colt, absolutely Colt. You wouldn't go Rocky, I know you. Rocky was the alpha, Colt was the second best.
46:22 Speaker 06 Thank you.
46:22 Speaker 05 It's the J C Shosse, uh, thing.
46:25 Pablo Torre? Yeah.
46:25 Speaker 05 She, she, yeah, you would have liked Colt.
46:29 Speaker 05 And I would say if anybody, I would be Colt.
46:31 Pablo Torre? Right, no, it's, it's the, it's the NSYNC, the Home Improvement, the Three Ninjas. Like, you have a Goldilocks zone of, of, of handsome boys.
46:39 Speaker 05 Obviously, everyone wants J T T. Obviously, everyone wants Rock Rocky.
46:42 Speaker 06 But I had a, a photo of Apollo Anton Ono hanging up in my bedroom.
46:46 Speaker 05 Shout out the soul patch. But Three Ninjas really had a generation of little boys believing with a small amount of mini mall Taekwondo, we could beat up grown men that are criminals.
47:03 Pablo Torre? Yes.
47:04 Speaker 05 I hope no one ever tested that.
47:06 Pablo Torre? You could help hardened FBI agents in their investigations.
47:09 Speaker 05 Yeah. Their father was an FBI agent.
47:11 Pablo Torre? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
47:11 Speaker 05 You would think, like, the Bang Bang Bang video we watched, like, a grown man watches a kid go into a karate stance and he goes, "You don't want to do this, kid. I'm a man, you're a little boy." And he's like, "I just watched The Three Ninjas ten times in a row, I got you." And he goes to kick and he grabs it and you go like, uh, like, then it's like being in the water with an alligator.
47:29 Speaker 06 They also make you think that you can put, there's like a, an abundance of stuff you can put in someone's drink that'll make them [BLEEP] right away.
47:36 Speaker 05 And they go, "Ooh, ooh, ooh."
47:38 Speaker 06 Yeah. It's like kids' movies made you think like quicksand, I feel like, and that we're gonna be more prominent.
47:43 Speaker 05 They also made you think by taking someone's hand, as a little child, you could flip a grown man.
47:48 Speaker 06 Yeah, and you can.
47:50 Speaker 05 He'd just go like this.
47:52 Speaker 06 It's just like, you gotta get it at the right angle.
47:54 Speaker 05 Do it! The little, I say a little kid voice, "You gotta go with it!"
47:58 Pablo Torre? I am one of those kids, incidentally. Like, I took karate classes and Taekwondo classes. Tiger Shulman? Those commercials were very intimidating. I was never at Tiger Shulman Dojo.
48:08 Speaker 05 That's great. I never did that. How long did you do karate for? What belt did you get to?
48:11 Pablo Torre? I, I, the most embarrassing thing is that I never even got a blue belt. I was just like a series of like, off-white.
48:20 Speaker 05 Just an occasional stripe. You got to yellow though, right?
48:23 Pablo Torre? No, I got a stripe, but it was just like, I was, you know. What's the equivalent of this? It's like being on the, uh, the freshman team.
48:30 Speaker 05 Yeah.
48:31 Pablo Torre? Not even JV.
48:31 Speaker 05 Were you inspired by Three Ninjas?
48:33 Pablo Torre? Yes.
48:34 Speaker 05 That was what got you in there?
48:35 Pablo Torre? I mean, that was definitely a radicalizing movie for me.
48:38 Speaker 05 Yeah, it got, you were like, Mom, I need to take karate.
48:41 Pablo Torre? Yes, but there's also Surf Ninjas. I mean, there was an era, by the way.
48:44 Speaker 06 Yeah, Ninjas were kinda big, yeah.
48:46 Pablo Torre? Teenager Ninja Turtles.
48:47 Speaker 05 Eighties and nineties ninja was massive.
48:50 Speaker 06 Yeah, it really was.
48:51 Speaker 05 You could put ninja on anything. It was like bacon in oh eight. Like you could just like put ninja on anything and everyone's like, I love it. I absolutely love it.
48:59 Speaker 06 Yeah.
48:59 Speaker 05 Yeah, we're an American ninja. We're children ninjas. They just walked into boardrooms and they went, kid ninjas. And they went.
49:05 Speaker 06 Oh my God. Oh my God.
49:08 Speaker 05 Here's three million dollars.
49:09 Pablo Torre? How many of them are there gonna be?
49:10 Speaker 05 Three of them.
49:11 Speaker 06 It's perfect.
49:12 Speaker 05 Oh my God, I'm [BLEEP] in my pants. And then that's the problem with Hollywood.
49:17 Speaker 06 Mike Ryan, Ruiz, Hellman's commercial. I wanna find that so bad.
49:21 Pablo Torre? Mike Ryan was in a Hellman's commercial?
49:23 Speaker 06 I don't know. I saw it.
49:24 Pablo Torre? Mike Ryan kind of has the hair that I would ostensibly be trying to grow.
49:27 Speaker 05 With the long, he's got good long hair, huh?
49:29 Pablo Torre? He has some good bang.
49:31 Speaker 05 The full over?
49:32 Pablo Torre? Some bang, bang, bang.
49:33 Speaker 05 For his buck?
49:34 Speaker 06 Oh, this is when I was going on Jeopardy because it's all random. Like, who is Spinoza?
49:39 Speaker 05 Oh, here comes the tab queen.
49:43 Speaker 06 How to learn everything. That's what I Googled. How to learn everything.
49:47 Pablo Torre? Wait, that's a, that's a tab you have?
49:49 Speaker 06 Well, yeah, because it's a YouTube video by somebody named CW called, how to study for Jeopardy, win at trivia and appreciate urinal art.
49:56 Speaker 05 Okay.
49:56 Pablo Torre? I mean.
49:57 Speaker 06 I never watched it, so take that, you know, I didn't win. I, I won twice, but I didn't win one more thing. Oh my God, do I have a great three A C joint separation?
50:07 Speaker 05 I know what that's from. I know what that's from.
50:10 Speaker 06 I didn't think I still have it.
50:12 Speaker 05 I like that you, I like that you still have that.
50:14 Pablo Torre? Did you?
50:15 Speaker 05 No, someone else did.
50:16 Speaker 06 Somebody else did and they were pretending to not be hurt.
50:18 Speaker 05 Yeah.
50:19 Speaker 06 And I googled, she mentioned what they said that it was, that a hospital told her. And I, and I wrote it down so that I could Google it later, so I wouldn't get caught.
50:26 Speaker 05 And you saved it?
50:27 Speaker 06 And I'd say, and I saved it.
50:28 Speaker 05 I love that. That was when we were up in Colorado.
50:30 Speaker 06 It says that it's one of the more painful things you could do to your body.
50:33 Pablo Torre? You just have a picture of a fast food sandwich?
50:36 Speaker 06 Sonic cheeseburger. It's not a picture. I was looking up the Sonic menu because I think somebody was going there.
50:40 Speaker 05 Yeah, that's when I was doing the Boulder Theater and I went and you had Sonic for the first time.
50:43 Speaker 06 That's right.
50:43 Pablo Torre? So you just closed that window?
50:44 Speaker 06 Okay, I closed, because I don't need that. You're right.
50:46 Speaker 05 And you were disappointed in Sonic?
50:48 Pablo Torre? Remember recondoing your phone right now?
50:49 Speaker 05 I remember that.
50:50 Pablo Torre? And it's full of Sonic cheeseburger images.
50:52 Speaker 06 Thank you. I have to thank the Sonic cheeseburger.
50:53 Speaker 05 Thank you for the menu.
50:54 Speaker 06 Uh, Terrell O'Connor. I wanted to know his name.
50:56 Speaker 05 Damn, dude, you really keep every tab open.
50:58 Speaker 06 Then I have a, uh, the Tom Holland umbrella gif. I always like to have that on hand.
51:02 Pablo Torre? That's a great video.
51:03 Speaker 06 Chekhov's gun. I Googled what that was because people were saying it a lot.
51:07 Pablo Torre? Honestly, you, you keeping the tab for Chekhov's gun and only opening it now feels like a violation, or maybe the ultimate fulfillment of the Chekhov's gun.
51:15 Speaker 05 That is it.
51:16 Speaker 06 And I don't get it, so let me read and then see if I laugh at this.
51:19 Pablo Torre? Chekhov's tab.
51:21 Speaker 06 It's a narrative principle emphasizing that every element in a story be necessary.
51:24 Speaker 05 Yeah.
51:25 Speaker 06 While irrelevant elements should be removed, and this is not irrelevant. For example, if a gun features in a story, there must be a reason for it, such as being fired at some later point.
51:33 Speaker 05 That's it.
51:33 Speaker 06 Principle that all elements must eventually come.
51:35 Pablo Torre? And to create the through line through this whole episode, bang.
51:39 Speaker 05 Bang. There it is.
51:42 Speaker 12 That's podcasting.
51:43 Speaker 05 That's how you do it.
51:44 Speaker 12 That's how you podcast.
51:47 Speaker 05 Keep them all open. Never, never shut your tabs, Katie.
51:50 Speaker 06 Wedding dresses.
51:51 Speaker 05 Hey!
51:52 Speaker 06 I'll get to it.
52:05 Pablo Torre? Pablo Torre Finds Out is produced by Walter Abaroma, Maxwell Carney, Ryan Cortez, Sam Daywig, Juan Galindo, Patrick Kim, Neely Lohman, Rob McCray, Matt Sullivan, Claire Taylor, and Chris Tumanello. Our studio engineering by RG Systems, sound design by NGW Post, theme song, as always, by John Bravo, and we will talk to you next time.
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