If You Can't Communicate, You Can't Win | FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

Communication is one of the most powerful tools we have. It allows us to connect with people, share ideas, build relationships, rally people around a common cause, keep people safe, and create opportunities. But communication can also become the thing that holds you back. In this episode of Friday Field Notes, Ryan breaks down five practical ways men can become more effective communicators - not by simply talking more, but by becoming more intentional about how they use their words, listen, and connect with others. SHOW HIGHLIGHTS 00:00 - If You Can't Communicate, You Can't Win 00:48 - Why Communication Matters 03:04 - Communication: Your Key or Your Killer 04:15 - #1: Say Less but Mean More 07:41 - #2: Listen to Understand 10:09 - Use Your Two Ears and One Mouth 10:45 - #3: Match Your Tone to the Stakes 15:04 - Why Your Tone Matters 17:25 - #4: Use Small Talk as Leverage 19:32 - Small Talk Creates Connection 21:55 - #5: Own Your Words 24:42 - Express Yourself and Lead 27:04 - Say What You Mean 28:50 - Follow Through on Your Words 31:14 - Words Only Have Weight When You Back Them Up 32:23 - The Five Keys to Better Communication 33:23 - Join the Iron Council Battle Planners: Pick yours up today! https://store.orderofman.com/products/order-of-man-annual-battle-planner Order Ryan's new book, The Masculinity Manifesto https://www.amazon.com/Masculinity-Manifesto-Establishes-Influence-Credibility/dp/1684513316/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1665048672&sr=8-1. For more information on the Iron Council brotherhood https://orderofman.link/iron-council. Want maximum health, wealth, relationships, and abundance in your life? Sign up for our free course, 30 Days to Battle Ready https://orderofman.link/battle-ready-0

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Communication is interesting. It's one of those things that the more you do it, the less important it becomes. This is an economic principle, supply and demand. Okay, if your words are in plenty of supply, they're in less demand. The more that you try to explain and talk people into or out of things, the more that you use your words at the expense of meaning or intentionality or purpose, just like economics, the less valuable they are.

• 0:38Speaker 00

  Guys, today I want to talk with you about the power of communication. Obviously, and I hope it's evident, that your ability to communicate is one of the most powerful tools that you have. If you look at any animal in the animal kingdom, without the ability to communicate, we leave ourselves at risk. We have no opportunity to connect with like-minded people. We have no ability to share our ideas and insights or rally people around a common cause for good or against a threat that we might potentially have. And yet, because it's something that we do every single day and all the time, way too

• 1:21Speaker 00

  many men overlook the importance of critically thinking about how they're communicating. They typically just default to their emotions. You know, if you're angry or frustrated, for example, you might pick up the pace of your cadence, you might elevate the volume of your words, and it's very emotionally driven as opposed to deliberately intentional. If you feel threatened in some way, or abused, or mistreated, or disrespected, the tone of your voice goes up, you become more frantic, you become a lot more incoherent even potentially,

• 2:02Speaker 00

  and you sound weak and defensive and whiny. But guys, don't think about this. We even have, and I fell into this trap before, where trying to relate with somebody and have a small talk-type conversation is looked at and viewed at, viewed as a waste of time instead of something that can be used to push ideas and rally people together and get to know individuals. And so, we spend a whole lot of time talking, probably more than just about anything else. But I think of the skills that we could develop, we spend less time developing it than just about anything else as well.

• 2:44Speaker 00

  So today, I'm going to talk with you about why communication is one of two things for you. It's either the key, the key to unlock opportunities, relationships, potential romantic partnerships, opportunities for business growth and development, sharing ideas, keeping people safe, or it's your killer. It's the thing that's hiding underneath all of it and keeping you from getting what you want because you're quiet, or you're muffled, or you don't have how to communicate ideas effectively, people don't listen to you because you haven't improved your ability to communicate. So today, I'm going to share with you five key things that you can do to improve your

• 3:29Speaker 00

  communication as a man and get what you want, help other people get what they want, and frankly, live a better life because we have the ability to formulate noises from our breath, from our lungs, from our vocal cords, the vibrations that we can make physiologically and form those into noises that sound like words. And it's really, it's really important we understand that. Words have meaning, but at the end of the day, the things that you're hearing right now are just noises that I'm manipulating in order to accomplish a desired objective. So the first thing you need to do is ask, what is your objective?

• 4:11Speaker 00

  If you're talking with your wife, is your objective to communicate with her why we should be running the household in a certain way? If you're talking to your children, is it to get them to buy into the idea that they need to contribute to the household? If you're making noises at one of your clients, is it to get them to buy a product or service that you think will help them? If you're making noises to your boss, or maybe even employees, is it to get them to understand some sort of initiative or project that will move the mission forward? So here we go. That's a big lead-in, but here we go. Number one, guys, say less, but mean more.

• 4:54Speaker 00

  I see this all the time with podcasters, frankly, professional communicators, who are supposed to be professionals, and you'll hear these guys drop swear word after swear word, F-bomb after F-bomb, and not only do they just sound completely ridiculous, it has no weight and no meaning whatsoever. The more that I use something, especially if there's no meaning and significance behind it, the less relevant it becomes. So if I just continue to use the F-bomb, for example, word after word, sentence after sentence, at some point, it becomes meaningless. The F-word and other swear words are rhetorical tools if you decide to use them correctly

• 5:35Speaker 00

  because you're being deliberate and intentional about how you use them. Communication is interesting. It's one of those things that the more you do it, the less important it becomes. This is an economic principle, supply and demand. Okay, if your words are in plenty of supply, they're in less demand. You understand that, right? The more that you try to explain and talk people into or out of things, the more that you use your words at the expense of meaning or intentionality or purpose, just like economics, the less valuable they are.

• 6:20Speaker 00

  Now, the counter to that is that you don't say enough, and then you just look aloof, or awkward, or disinterested, or maybe even a jerk. So it is important that we find the balance between saying the right amount of words, not too much, not too little, but we're going to use what I call minimum effective dose for your communication. If I can share with you in five words what might take somebody else to say 50 words in order to get the same idea across, then I'm going to win because economics. My words are in more demand than supply, which means people are going to listen to

• 7:02Speaker 00

  me more than the guy who uses 500 words to say what should have taken him 50. So practice with it, play around with it. When you're communicating with your wife, or your kids, or your clients, you know, one of the things in sales that I often heard is, it's very easy to talk yourself out of a sale. And it is, I've done that. Where a client or a potential customer or prospect has asked me a question, and instead of just answering the question to their degree of understanding, I just kept droning on, and on, and on, and on, and brought up new objections, new concerns, new things for them to stall and trip over, when I could have just answered their question clear and succinctly, and then asked a question back.

• 7:47Speaker 00

  Guys, say less, but mean more. And look, there's two parts to that, right? If I just said, say less, but not mean more, then that's the guy who's just the wallflower. He sits around on his thumb, wondering why people don't pay attention to him, or wondering why people don't resonate, or even like him, because he's sitting in the corner like a weirdo, not communicating at all. If you're going to be somebody, somewhere, communicate, be present, but say less. All right, number two, listen to understand people, nothing else. Listen to understand people, nothing else. Your job is not to formulate a clever comeback, a clapback, an I got you moment.

• 8:33Speaker 00

  Frankly, more often than not, it's not even to come back with a defense of it, or an alternate way of looking. Another thing that people often do is playing devil's advocate. That's stupid. Don't do that. Like, if you actually have an objection, or something worth bringing up, you're not being the devil's advocate. But if you're just bringing up bullshit to annoy people, or to make yourself sound smart, then you sound like an idiot, and people don't like you. Okay, your job is to listen to other people to understand. And by the way, that doesn't mean you don't have to talk. What it could mean is that you ask clarifying questions, or you use nonverbal communication, which is also a form of communication,

• 9:18Speaker 00

  to let them know you're listening and you're paying attention. So I might use the ability for me to bob my head up and down, or say something like, "Oh, really?" Or, "Oh, that's interesting. I never considered that before." Or, "Whoa, hold on. What did you mean by that?" But again, it's not to give a retort. It's not to justify what they're saying, or debate what they're saying. It's simply just to understand. Now, look, there are moments in your life where you're going to have to actually converse back and forth, and maybe defend your position, or give clarification on your own. But I think the greater risk for most men is not that we talk too little, it's that we talk too much.

• 10:03Speaker 00

  And what I would encourage you to do, as the old saying goes, "You have two ears and one mouth. Use it proportionally." Listen to understand. And if you don't understand, ask a question. You don't always need to give your perspective, your insight, your idea. And those of you who are married, or in a relationship with your significant other, understand, she's not always looking for you to provide feedback. She's not always looking for you to give your answer. She probably already has the answer. And what she wants from you is, not, "Does he hear me?", but, "Does he understand me? Does he see me? Does he acknowledge me? Does he recognize me as a partner in his life? Or is he just look at me like a child and wants to solve all my problems?"

• 10:49Speaker 00

  So I'm gonna tell you right now, guys, when you're communicating with clients, colleagues, friends, coworkers, kids, your wife, whoever, listen to understand what they're trying to say. And the other benefit of this is you will be way more likable, because people love to talk about themselves. And if that's the case, and you're the person to be able to create opportunities where other people can talk about themselves, you win. You absolutely win by default. Okay, number three. Match your tone to the stakes at hand.

• 11:24Speaker 00

  I talk with a lot of guys who either will express, or buy into the idea that, "This is just the way that I am. If you don't like how I communicate, then that's your problem." No, that's your problem. We, as men, are leaders. We want to lead. We want to communicate ideas. We want to cast vision. We want to influence people into our camp and our movement, so that we can do what we believe is in their best interest. And if you buy into this idea that, "This is just how I do it. This is just how I communicate. Take it or leave it. This is me. I'm being authentic. I'm being genuine. I'm being transparent. I'm being the real me."

• 12:08Speaker 00

  And everybody hates you, then, cool, bro. You are the real you, and nobody likes to spend any time with you. It's not "not the real you", to match your tone, cadence, style, inflection, pace, et cetera, with what somebody is dealing with. I'll give you an example. My youngest son, he's 10 years old. He loves Pokemon cards. Not like my favorite thing in the world, but it's something that we do together. And the other day, he came over, and he had his Pokemon card binder. And he showed it to me, and I could see that he was very excited about it. Probably way more excited about his Pokemon cards than I was.

• 12:51Speaker 00

  And yet, I didn't give him this dry, monotone answer of, "Why, that's stupid", or, "You know, you probably spent way more money on that than it's worth." I didn't do that. What I did is I got wide-eyed, and I'm like, "Cool, man", like, a little higher pitch, little faster cadence, little more expressive than maybe I normally am. And I said, "Cool, bud. Like, show me. Like, what's that card? Tell me about that card. Tell me about this card. What's that? What's that one worth? Why do you like that one? Why do you not like this one?" Match your tone to the stakes. If you come home, and your wife is visibly upset, and she's bothered, you're not gonna come in and slap her on the butt, and say, "Hey, babe",

• 13:36Speaker 00

  and give her a kiss on the cheek, and say, "Man, today was such a great day. Hope you're doing good. Like, what's for dinner?" No. You're gonna walk into the house, and you're going to say, "Hey, babe, like, what's going on? Everything all right? How was your day? I'm a little worried. Like, it seems like you're a little down today." And she might say to you, "Yeah, well, you know, I went to the PTA meeting, or the parent-teacher conference, and little Timmy is bullying people." It's like, "Oh, hold on. Okay. Let me set my bag down. Let me loosen my tie a little bit here, and figure out what's going on." And so you can match your tone and your cadence to what people in your life are experiencing. If you can't do that,

• 14:24Speaker 00

  like, why communicate at all? I mean, how many times have you talked to this person who just sounds like a robot? Right? We're repulsed by robots, by the way. Humans are repulsed by robots, because it's not relatable. There's actually been studies that show this, where you might have these very humanoid-type robots, and yet, people are, to say the least, a little standoffish, and not trusting of it, because they're not like us. And the same is true if you go into some sort of a meeting. Let's say you go in, let's say you go home, and your wife is like, "You know, hey, babe, like, I just found out dad has cancer."

• 15:11Speaker 00

  And you go in there, you're like, "Dad, today was awesome. It was so fun. We had so much fun. We went to lunch, and I went and hit nine with the boys, and we had a great time." And it's like, you're so excited about it, and having fun, and laughing, and jovial, and joking, and she's over here devastated, because her father just got diagnosed with cancer. Like, it sounds silly when I say it that way, because that's an extreme example, but you do it all the time with your kids, when they tell you something that maybe is dumb. Let's be honest, you know, our kids sometimes come to us, and they're, you know, they might tell us a crazy story about how they didn't tie their shoe, and then they stepped on it, and somebody said something, and then they tripped, and then somebody made fun of it. Like, I don't care. I don't care about that.

• 15:56Speaker 00

  Like, in my heart of hearts, I don't care about that. And yet, my kid does. And so it'd be important for me to match the tone of the conversation with what they're experiencing. And the more you do that, the more relatable and likable you become, which helps you build trust and influence, so that when you eventually share something with them, maybe it's you getting after them a little bit, because they're not doing what they need to be doing. Or maybe it's because you're excited about something. They will begin to mirror and match what you're excited about. But if you come at it from a different approach, and your tone, inflection, cadence, enthusiasm does not match theirs,

• 16:39Speaker 00

  it's really disingenuous. It's very hard to relate with. Okay, so number four. Using small talk as leverage. This one's a hard one for a lot of guys, and it was hard for me. I don't care about the weather. I don't. I don't care about, somebody was telling me, "Oh, football just started, and I'm excited to watch football again", and I don't care. I literally could not care any less about that. But I don't tell them that, because that's stupid, and it's not honoring what other people care about. So I ran into a friend the other day, and they had said, I said, "How you been?" And he's like, "Oh, I'm doing really good.

• 17:24Speaker 00

  It was kinda cool, because football started back up." Again, I don't care. It doesn't matter to me. It does not impact my life in one way or the other. I like watching a football game here and there. Fun, sure, whatever. I don't have a team. I don't have a player. I don't have a jersey with another man's name on my back. I don't have any of that. But this guy does. And I'm not gonna think less of him, because that's the case. And I said, "Oh, that's cool. Like, even though it's not cool to me, it's cool to him. So that's cool." Like, and I said, "That's cool. Who's your team?" And he said, "I really like the Cowboys." I'm like, "Oh, yeah." I said, "I hate the Cowboys. Just playing with them." He's like, "Oh, why is that?" And I gave him a reason, and it's a legitimate reason.

• 18:09Speaker 00

  But we bantered, and we talked about it, and we played about it, and it was a great conversation. And so you might be tempted to walk away from a small-talk-type conversation, and think, "Well, that was a waste of time." I don't think so. I used to think it was, because it wasn't something I wanted to talk about, but clearly, it's something that somebody else may want to talk about. And the beauty of it is that me and that person, my buddy, are actually more connected today than we were prior to that conversation about the Dallas Cowboys, which I have literally, like, this much interest in. And if you're not watching this on YouTube, it's like, my fingers are together. I have zero interest in this. But I care about him.

• 18:52Speaker 00

  I care about understanding what a person's dealing with. I care about what other people are interested in. I care about what gets people riled up, and fired up, and excited about. My son talks about Pokemon. I just told you that. I don't care about Pokemon. He does.

• 19:11Speaker 00

  Okay, if I'm in the grocery store, and the cashier wants to talk about the weather...

• 19:20Speaker 00

  I don't care about the weather. It means nothing to me. I mean, it might mean I'll get a little wet or be a little hot if it's, if it's hot out there, but it means nothing. But it means something to them and people are using small talk as the ability to connect and relate with other human beings. So if the cashier is like, oh, how about that weather? I'm not going to blow it off, even though I don't want to talk about it. I'm going to say, yeah, it's crazy, right? I can't believe how much rain we've got. It's, we, we've needed this rain. Like, do you like the rain? And then she might say, oh, I love it, or I hate it. I wish it didn't rain, whatever. Again, I don't care about it. What I do care about is other people. And you can use small talk to leverage yourself into positions of influence.

• 20:04Speaker 00

  Now, I'm not saying that we need to manipulate and massage it and take advantage of people. But if I'm going to work with a prospect and the prospect of mine wants to talk about his kid's soccer game and the championship they won over the weekend, you know what? That's what we're talking about. As a financial advisor, I always like tried to get down to brass tacks because that's my personality. But I have people come in, they're like, oh, yeah, my cousin's uncle's brother's best friend's sister's wife's mother told me this thing. And in my mind, I'm rolling my eyes like, I don't give a fuck about any of this. But I was engaged because that's what they want to talk about. And if that's what we

• 20:49Speaker 00

  need to talk about in order to relate with people, in order to build influence, in order to find out more and be curious to point, I think, number two I talked about, then that's what I'm going to do. And that's okay. I love that people are excited about things that maybe I'm not so excited about. And I'm curious about what they are because that leads to deeper friendships. It leads to greater business opportunity. It leads to real connection. It leads to them listening to you when you're talking about things they aren't interested in. And it's just a, it's just a nice way to connect with people. So let's get over the small talk thing. I, I used to say that all the time. I hate small talk. I actually love it now. I like small talk because I know what it creates. All

• 21:34Speaker 00

  right, guys, the last thing is to own your words. People do not like wishy washy ideas. I'm just convinced. I think most people, the overwhelming majority of people would rather hear an uncomfortable, honest opinion about what you think about something over a wishy washy, weak sauce, kind of, just kind of pathetic, PC answer to everything. And I'm not saying that everything you do has to be controversial. I'm not saying every conversation has to be a, a debate. I, I do personally, I like some verbal jousting.

• 22:18Speaker 00

  I do like to debate. I like to argue interesting ideas. Not everything has to be that. That's something I have to be aware of. But when somebody asks my opinion, I'm going to give them my opinion. When somebody says, what do you want to do? I'm going to tell them what I want to do. And I'm just convinced that, you know, the overwhelming majority of people that I talk with are grown adults. And if they don't like or have issue with something I say, or a suggestion that I make about where to go to dinner, then because they're a grown adult, they can tell me. You know, if I, if I, if I choose to ask a woman on a date, for example, and, and by the way, I think a lot of women really

• 23:00Speaker 00

  appreciate this because most men don't do it. And if you're a woman, you can agree with me and, and share your insight on that or disagree. But I, I think most women really just want men to lead. So if I decide to ask a woman on a date, and I'm like, hey, let's go out Friday night. And she's like, oh, cool. Like, what would you like to do? I'm never going to say, it's just not in my vocabulary, what do you want to do? Women hate that shit. People hate that shit, guys. The correct answer is, well, hey, there's this steakhouse that I really like downtown, and I can get us reservations on Friday at

• 23:42Speaker 00

  seven. Does that work for you? She can say yes or no. She's a big girl. I, I think overwhelmingly, unless she's allergic to steak, you know, maybe she has that Lone Star tick disease, alpha gout, or whatever it's called. Which would be horrible, by the way. She can, she can tell me, like, no, I'd rather go to that Asian place. Cool. Asian it is. Or, hey, I don't, you know, I, I went there last week. It wasn't that good. Like, is there anywhere else? Oh, yeah. There's the, the sushi place, actually right next door. And I've been there a thousand times. It's amazing. You'd love it. You should get their, I don't know, their

• 24:27Speaker 00

  Las Vegas roll or whatever. But own your words. Like, you have ideas, you have insights, you have opinions, you have thoughts. And, and there's a ton of men just wandering around with all of our thoughts and insights and experience and expertise and just stuff down inside because we think we're putting people out because we give our opinion. And I would argue the opposite is actually true. When you express yourself in a positive way, that's where people really connect with you. So again, to use that example, if I ask a woman out on a date Friday night, and I'm like, hey, there's this really cool steakhouse that I heard just opened, and I can get us reservations Friday night at seven, she learns something

• 25:07Speaker 00

  about me. Okay, what does she learn? She learns I like steak, which is true. She learns that I have an opinion that I'm willing to share. She learns that I'm willing to lead and, and express and come up with ideas that 99% of most men are not willing to do. And then if she says, I don't really like steak, I'm kind of feeling like Asian. And I'm like, cool, there's, here's a couple of Asian food options. Then she learns that I can adjust and pivot without throwing a little temper tantrum because I don't get to go to the steakhouse that I want. But you can do none of that if all you do is just sit on your thumbs and let everybody else dictate your entire life. People don't want

• 25:52Speaker 00

  to do that. So own your words. Another, another thing, this is controversial, but I would say, I still stand by what I said years and years ago, is that if your wife, let's say you're going to the steakhouse Friday night, and your wife comes in, she's got a couple of dresses, and she's like, hey, I'm thinking about wearing this or this. What do you think?

• 26:16Speaker 00

  If you say, well, whatever you think, whichever one you like, man, you are just abdicating masculine leadership. Or maybe she comes in in a pair of jeans that's not really like your favorite. Maybe it's not as flattering on her as another pair. And she's like, hey, like, what do you think? Now, you can be tactful, and I encourage you to be tactful, but I'd say, you know, babe, I actually really like that darker pair of denim that you have. Or, hey, the, the red dress looks great, but there's this blue one that you have. And I really like the way that one looks on you. Why don't, I don't understand why people

• 26:56Speaker 00

  don't just own their words, own their opinion. You know, if, if, if you've got a, if you've got a buddy, and he's got a big, long beard, and you're out eating food, and he's got some food in his beard, everybody, like 99% of people won't say anything? Why? Just own it. Hey, dude, check your beard. You got something, you got a little food in there? He's saving it for later? And just say it. Okay, again, you have to be a little tactful on how you say things. You don't want to embarrass people. Or, you know, somebody has a piece of toilet paper on their shoe. Like, actually own it. You have thoughts, you have ideas, you have insight, you have interesting things to share. Use it unapologetically.

• 27:38Speaker 00

  Do it tactfully. We can talk a little bit about that another day. But just own your words. And, and the other point that I wanted to make with regards to owning your words is when you say something, you, you are now obligated to follow through. If you tell somebody you're going to pick them up at seven o'clock, then you, you have to pick them up at seven o'clock. And if you're running late, because that happens, then you have to text them and say, hey, I'm running a few minutes behind, but I'll, but I'll be there at seven oh five, or seven 10, or seven 15. If you tell people like, hey, I'm gonna, I'm gonna be there tomorrow to help you move, you, you have to be there tomorrow to help them move. Now, look, some things come up. And so if they do, communicate, own your

• 28:21Speaker 00

  words, communicate with them. Hey, bro, I, I took my kid to the hospital, to the ER last night. They, they broke their arm at, at lacrosse practice. And so I had to go to the ER. And so I stayed up all night in the ER. I'm not going to be able to make it at 8:00 AM tomorrow. But I'll, but I'll be there at noon. Or, hey, since I'm not able to help you move, can I drop my truck off so you can use it if you need it? Or can I help you get things settled, or help you build that fence when you move into the new house? Like, things come up. I get that. But you have to own your words. You have, you have to fully believe in everything that you're saying. And by the way, if, if you,

• 29:02Speaker 00

  if, if you don't believe in what you're saying, then just keep your dang mouth shut. Those are the two options. Either do what you said you're going to do, or keep your yapper closed. I've had to learn that one because I've made promises and commitments that in the moment, sound really awesome, make me sound really good, that I just wasn't interested in following through on. And so I'm learning to just keep my big mouth shut. If I don't actually mean I'm going to do a thing. But if I say it, then I'm going to do it. And that's what makes the noises that we make powerful. Right? If I just grunted and snorted

• 29:42Speaker 00

  into the microphone, it, it would mean nothing to you, other than the meaning we give it. But what gives words weight and power is the action that supports the words. It's like when the US went off the gold standard, you know, that's, that's the demise of successful economics. Well, now the dollar means nothing. You know, I could, I could pull out, I got my wallet right here. By the way, I've got this really cool wallet. If you can't see it, it's a wallet that a friend of mine made for me years and years ago. And I've

• 30:23Speaker 00

  got some cash right here. Let's see, I've got 20, 40, 60, 80, 1, 10. I've got $111 in here.

• 30:35Speaker 00

  In cash. When we went off the gold standard, this became worthless. The only reason this is worth anything is because as a country, we've collectively, collectively decided that this means something. So if I give you $20, you're going to give me in what you think is $20 worth of value in your services or products, or whatever it is that you offer to me, right? But this actually doesn't mean anything. It used to, but it doesn't today. Sorry, there's my OCD. If you're watching this on YouTube, I had to actually turn all my bills the exact same way. So there's $110. What does that mean? Well, it only means as much as my word.

• 31:18Speaker 00

  If that didn't mean anything, then people wouldn't trade that. That's called inflation. If I'm running my mouth constantly about what I'm going to do, or not do, or how I'm going to help, or in which way I'm going to follow through on commitments, or do things, and there's no gold or weight behind it, then nobody believes me anymore. And what a horrible thing for you as a man, when nobody believes you, when your word, the noises that you make, don't mean anything. Think about it, guys. Those noises are only as valuable as the weight behind them. The same way this $110

• 31:59Speaker 00

  is only as valuable as the promise behind it. That's why it's not as valuable as it was 20, 30, 40, 50, 80 years ago. Guys, it's really important that we learn to communicate effectively. It's the greatest single tool that you have at your disposal. So let's break it down. Again, number one, say less, mean more. Number two, listen to understand, and nothing else. Number three, match your tone to the stakes at hand. Number four, use small talk as leverage. And number five, own your words. If you guys have other thoughts on communication and how this can more effectively serve you,

• 32:43Speaker 00

  please drop a comment on YouTube. Go to youtube.com/OrderOfMan. I think we've got 350,000 subscribers over there. Would love to see that channel grow. If there's somebody in your life who wants to be a more effective communicator, whether they're a public speaker, or just a man in general, and they want to learn how to communicate more effectively, just take a screenshot real quick, or hit that little share button, wherever you're listening to podcasts, and just say, hey, I listened to this podcast about five ways to be a better communicator. Check it out. It's like a 30 or 40 minute listen. But I hope this serves you. That's the most important thing. I want these Friday Field Notes to serve you. If you want to learn how to become a more effective communicator, you want to have other powerful conversations like this, and you also want a platform where

• 33:26Speaker 00

  you can begin to experiment with communicating more effectively, I want you to join our brotherhood. It's called the Iron Council. There's a million of them out there. I'm fully aware of that. When we started 11 years ago, there was two, and I was one of them. Now there's a million. But I'll tell you what, we've been doing this for 11 years. So for every men's group, whether it's faith-based, or business-based, or whatever, that comes in, it seems like just as many fizzle out, because they don't know how to do it properly. We do, because we've been testing it for 11 years. So if you're looking for a true brotherhood of like-minded men, men who communicate, opportunities to develop and

• 34:10Speaker 00

  hone skills that will apply in the real world, then join us inside the Iron Council. Head to OrderOfMan.com/IronCouncil. All right, guys. That's all I've got for you today. Again, communication is your key or your killer. You get to decide. I'll be back next week for our interview. Until then, go out there, take action, communicate like a man, and become the man you are meant to be.

• 34:33Speaker 01

  Thank you for listening to the Order of Man Podcast. You ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you are meant to be? We invite you to join the Order at OrderOfMan.com.