Protecting Without Steamrolling, Envy of Success, and Becoming a Grandfather | ASK ME ANYTHING

In this episode of Ask Me Anything, Ryan Michler and Kipp Sorensen discuss the value of taking action, embracing imperfection, and questioning the polished images presented on social media. They debate the promise of Elon Musk's flying car before answering listener questions about career opportunities, family priorities, firearm safety, purpose, screen time, and leadership. They also explore handling envy, rebuilding relationships with adult children, and navigating changing interests with teenage kids. Along the way, Ryan and Kipp share practical advice on setting boundaries, communicating honestly, and becoming more intentional as men, husbands, fathers, and leaders. SHOW HIGHLIGHTS 00:00 - Episode Introduction: Opening 00:17 - Embracing Stress and Taking Action 04:48 - Why Being Real Matters More Than Being Perfect 07:50 - Elon Musk's Flying Car: Innovation or Showboating? 16:46 - Career Opportunities vs. Family Roots 26:00 - Firearms, Family Safety, and Marriage 30:14 - Restlessness, Ambition, and Finding Purpose 34:58 - Setting Boundaries With Your Phone 40:57 - Leading Difficult Parents in Youth Sports 46:28 - Envy, Success, and Personal Growth 53:25 - Becoming a Better Grandfather 56:54 - When Your Child Wants a Different Path 01:02:03 - The War Room: Brotherhood and Connection 01:04:34 - Closing Thoughts and Call to Action Battle Planners: Pick yours up today! https://store.orderofman.com/products/order-of-man-annual-battle-planner Order Ryan's new book, The Masculinity Manifesto https://www.amazon.com/Masculinity-Manifesto-Establishes-Influence-Credibility/dp/1684513316/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1665048672&sr=8-1. For more information on the Iron Council brotherhood https://orderofman.link/iron-council. Want maximum health, wealth, relationships, and abundance in your life? Sign up for our free course, 30 Days to Battle Ready https://orderofman.link/battle-ready-0

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Where I start to believe that it crosses the line, and I have, is exactly to your point, where you start to say, well, yeah, the reason Kip's ahead is because his mom gave him all his money when he was a kid, or like, whatever, right? Like, we come, we come up with all these excuses and reasons, even though we know it's not true. The alternative is we start to feel bad about ourselves. And you're like, so instead of saying, well, yeah, the reason Kip's ahead is because his family gave him all his wealth when he was a kid, which again, is not true. The alternative is to say, well, you know, like, that would never be enough for, like, I couldn't, I would never, my parents, and I could never, this is not going to work for me, where it becomes a problem.

• 0:45Speaker 00

  Kip, what's up, man? So great to see you. I know you're a little stressed out today, as am I, as is every man, right? Like, if you're not a little stressed out on Monday, I, I almost have to question, what the hell are you doing? Like, don't you have things you're excited about? Don't you have things that you're engaged in? Like, I was joking around this weekend, it's like, wouldn't it be nice to be like a dog, or a cow, or a horse, or something? And, because they don't have a care in the world. But then I thought, yeah, it would, it would, it would be nice if you knew no better, but I'd rather be stressed out because I'm engaged in something than stressed out because I'm not.

• 1:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, totally. It's part of life, right? Let's embrace it.

• 1:30Speaker 00

  Not only is it part of life, but it's part of being a man. Like, yeah, very few people really care. I think very, very few people care about what it means to be a man, and how men show up. And there's, there's usually a contingent of people that you have in your life who do, but ultimately, nobody cares. And you actually shouldn't care either. Like, do your job, put your head down, get to work, and get after it. Whether it's showing your wife you love her, whether it's getting to work and building an empire, whether it's hanging out with your kids and coaching their sports. I kind of feel like we're teetering

• 2:08Speaker 00

  on the verge of, everybody, look at us, woe is me, like, help us get through all this stuff. And then on the other side of the teeter totter is, do your work, get after it, put your head down, don't worry about what other people think. And there's probably a middle ground, and I would say it's about 70, 30, maybe 80, 20. 70 to 80% weighted towards, put your head down, go to work. 20 to 30% weighted towards, understand how you're feeling, finding people in your life who care about you. I, I don't know what the exact number is, it's probably different for everybody, but that's one thing I was considering this weekend, is like, how much do we just like grind, right? Like, how much do we just put

• 2:53Speaker 00

  forth all of our effort, grind, head down, toe to the line, and do it? Versus how much do we accept help, talk about some of our struggles and challenges? I don't know, I don't know what the magic number is. Do you?

• 3:10Speaker 01

  No, no, but I think we fail on, it's probably safer for us to fail on the side of too much action than no action at all. I mean, the way, the way I look at it is, we're in the information age, we have access to so much information and knowledge and understanding. So what's the issue? And the issue is action.

• 3:30Speaker 00

  Wait, hold on.

• 3:31Speaker 01

  Most people are unwilling to take the necessary action.

• 3:34Speaker 00

  So, real quick, you're saying we fail because, I just want to clarify, you're saying the greater risk is not doing anything than doing too much? Is that what you're saying?

• 3:46Speaker 01

  Totally, totally.

• 3:47Speaker 00

  It just came out a little weird. So I was like, wait, hold on, are you saying the greater action is the opposite? But no, you're saying the greater, the greater risk is not doing enough, and thinking too much, wallowing too much, in our own heads too much? That's what you're saying?

• 4:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, totally. And we've talked about this so much, is some, some, a lot of the learning that's available to us to progress in life is in the action. You, you don't know what you don't know until you start going down a path. And then opportunities present themselves. And, and we may never learn certain things without the, the struggle or without action, period. You know, and you can think about it all you want, but it's just not available to you until action is taken.

• 4:30Speaker 00

  Period. I don't have anything else to add, like, that's exactly right. I've seen so many guys, like, wonder about their faith, or wonder about how do I build a relationship with my kids, or my wife? How do I pursue a, a, a promotion, or a new business? The answer is you just do it. Years ago, Kip, hold on, my, I think my earbud just died. Let me grab another one real quick, okay? Hold on.

• 5:15Speaker 00

  All right, can you hear me? Okay, I'm actually going to encourage our editor, his name's Chad, and he does a phenomenal job, to just leave that in, because I like the promise of it, I like the realness of it. Like, my earbud died, what do you want me to do about it? And I think most would like, clean it up, like, oh, let's make it polished, and let's make it clean. There's a danger in that, though. The danger in that is that everybody starts to think that your life should look like social media. It doesn't. And I, I've thought, I thought a lot about

• 5:53Speaker 00

  that this weekend, like, you know, podcasts are edited and overly filtered. It's like, I don't, I don't actually want any of that. I just want it to be raw and real. And yeah, there was 10 seconds of silence right there. Like, a real conversation would actually take place. But what we see is these like polished reels, these polished highlights. I mean, even my studio, I care about my studio, I want it to look good. But if I were to take this half of the room, and then actually show you the, the other half of the room, you would be wildly unimpressed. So, I, I think I'm gonna like move towards real stuff.

• 6:35Speaker 00

  And I've got some plans for that, but anyway, got distracted. What was I saying? Do you remember what I was saying? I don't.

• 6:45Speaker 01

  We're talking about real action.

• 6:47Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 6:47Speaker 01

  You know, people need to default to taking action a little bit more often.

• 6:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, the, just the aspect of action, like, so many people, so many men think, like, oh, just doing the thing, or reading about it, or talking about it, or going to an event. And it's like, that's not the action. The action is actually getting out there, and getting after it, and getting to work, and doing something, and messing up, and failing, and looking foolish, and looking stupid. But again, I think that's one of the plights of social media, is everything's filtered, everything's run through editing, and crops, and everything else. And so we're just, as average men, led to believe that, oh, if I don't look like that, then I'm not doing it. Well, you know, sometimes your clothes don't fit right. Sometimes, you know, you got a booger hanging out of your nose. Sometimes,

• 7:31Speaker 00

  you say something stupid. Sometimes, you come to work and you're dirty, or your, your truck's dirty, or like, it is what it is. Like, I, I'm really tired of this fabricated lie that so many influencers are trying to perpetuate. And, look, you might fit me into that category, because of the studio, like, a lot of this is the real me. But also, there's a behind the camera, and it doesn't look as pretty as, as what you're seeing right now.

• 8:01Speaker 01

  Totally. Well, I think we'll get to an element, right, when everything is so polished, that what becomes trustworthy is unpolished, right? And that will resonate with people because they can trust it a little bit more. And it doesn't seem so fabricated.

• 8:17Speaker 00

  Well, yeah, my concern is, at that point, then people will say, okay, well, I'm just gonna fabricate authenticity. And, and people do that, and they have done that, for sure. So, yeah, such a weird, such a weird thing. All right, man. Well, cool, enough of that. Wholesome. Let's talk about wholesome. Elon Musk's flying car? Come on now. Wholesome. Like, what an incredible, it's air, it's literally air. That's all it is. Do you know that? Like, do people know that? That's not like jet fuel, that's not, that's compressed air, flipping a car around. I don't, I don't even know, I'm, I'm speechless. So, I saw

• 9:02Speaker 00

  that video of the ramp, the half ramp, and it went around, and it flipped, I'm like, oh, yeah, AI. And then I saw another one, I'm like, yeah, it's AI, people are dumb, they're like perpetuating AI. And then I saw 17 of them, like, wait, hold on a second. Let me look at this for a second. That is not AI. Dude, that's crazy. Doing kickflips over semi trucks? Come on, dude. That is wholesome. And if you, if you don't think that's wholesome, you're not American. You're probably Muslim, you're, you're probably an immigrant to the country. Like, if you don't think that's wholesome, you're irredeemable at this point. That is amazing.

• 9:44Speaker 01

  I mean, the, the innovation is just cool, right? Even if it has no practical application.

• 9:50Speaker 00

  No, hold on, hold on, I'm gonna stop, I gotta stop you.

• 9:52Speaker 01

  Another 50 years.

• 9:52Speaker 00

  I gotta stop you.

• 9:53Speaker 01

  It's kinda cool.

• 9:54Speaker 00

  Dude, I gotta stop you. I hate that argument. Even if it's impractical.

• 9:59Speaker 01

  Let's argue it.

• 9:59Speaker 00

  What are we talking about? Using air to manipulate objects in almost irrational and impossible physics type scenarios? How is that not applicable?

• 10:17Speaker 01

  It's so not gonna be used in cars forever.

• 10:19Speaker 00

  That might be true, but how is it not applicable to other aspects, though?

• 10:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, but why make it a car then? So you could flip a car over, right? Like, it, it's a showboat of awesome innovation.

• 10:32Speaker 00

  I don't.

• 10:33Speaker 01

  With maybe other application. That's all it is. It's cool, though.

• 10:37Speaker 00

  I don't agree.

• 10:38Speaker 01

  I'm like, yeah, it, it's fun. It's a grown men having fun.

• 10:41Speaker 00

  No, no. I don't agree, dude. Like, we are.

• 10:46Speaker 01

  You think so?

• 10:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:47Speaker 01

  Oh, man, I don't think so.

• 10:48Speaker 00

  No, it's, it is showboating, for sure. I'll give you that. It's showboating.

• 10:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:53Speaker 00

  But like, would you say that Columbus sailing, you know, thousands and thousands of miles and finding new paths to India is showboating? Like, I wouldn't say that.

• 11:06Speaker 01

  You can't apply, those are so unrelated to each other that it's ridiculous.

• 11:12Speaker 00

  Bro, this is the wildest disagreement. I would have thought if there's anybody on the universe, in the universe, that would say, like, it's not just showboating, it wouldn't.

• 11:22Speaker 01

  Well.

• 11:23Speaker 00

  I'm confused, man.

• 11:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, I mean, it's, yeah, it's absolutely, I mean, we're both in agreement that it's showboating.

• 11:30Speaker 00

  I agree with that.

• 11:31Speaker 01

  I, I think it's more fun, I think it's more fun innovation of possibility. Practical application usage, it's gonna be a long time.

• 11:39Speaker 00

  No. No. No.

• 11:43Speaker 01

  We'll see, we'll see in five years.

• 11:45Speaker 00

  Bro, put, put a, put a train on a magnet rail and give it air compression?

• 11:52Speaker 00

  No. No, dude, like, there, yes, okay, we do agree that it's showboating, but isn't that the point? Like, like, remember, I mean, look, look at all the great athletes throughout time. Do they showboat? Yeah, sure, they do things that we previous thought, previously thought were impossible, but then think about what becomes possible, because somebody had the audacity to say.

• 12:15Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:16Speaker 00

  No, like, I think we can make a car do a kickflip.

• 12:21Speaker 00

  I, I think when we say it's just showboating, I think we actually discount the fact that it underscores the importance of capitalism, it underscores the importance of free markets, and under, underscores the importance of innovation, it underscores the importance of just thinking and dreaming big. I don't think it's just showboating. I think it's gonna unlock an entire genre of engineers, designers, architects, visionaries, who will create some of the wildest things ever imaginable. But maybe that's my romantic side coming out.

• 12:59Speaker 01

  No, and, and I don't think it's just showboating. I think there's innovation there that, that is amazing. What, what I can't stand, and, and I do think there's maybe a little bit of element to this, I remember when innovation came out and the innovation was ready.

• 13:13Speaker 00

  I don't, I don't understand what you mean. Innovation came out.

• 13:15Speaker 01

  Think about when.

• 13:16Speaker 00

  The innovation of, what, what do you mean?

• 13:20Speaker 01

  Like, I remember, let's think of iPhone. When iPhone came out, it was like, holy crap, like touchscreen.

• 13:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay.

• 13:26Speaker 01

  Like, it was amazing, and guess what? It was ready. It was a legit, like, it rolled out. And nowadays, there's a little bit of, we preemptively jump to like, oh, look what's possible, but it's so far from primetime that it's ridiculous. And, and so even tech companies do this, is they'll show something, but it's like, uh, practical application, or really seeing where this could apply to society, yeah, we're 10 years out.

• 13:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, but.

• 13:54Speaker 01

  You know, and it's like, well, it's exciting, but.

• 13:57Speaker 00

  I still, dude, come on. Kip, I thought you'd be on my page, dude! Like, this is crazy to me. This is crazy that you're the person who's like, well, let's temper this a little bit. Like, I remember I, I had a stepdad come into my life when I was probably, uh, 12, 13, and he had a flat screen TV.

• 14:23Speaker 00

  He had a car phone, but it was actually like hooked up to his car. I remember him saying, hey, phone, call Joe or whatever, in his Yukon. And I was like, what is this?

• 14:38Speaker 00

  Bro, are you kidding? This is not, like, look, the only concern I had is like, if I'm in traffic, how am I gonna do a kickflip over somebody in my car? Like, how does, how do we regulate this? Like, what are the new laws that are gonna need to come out of this? But it's not 10 years out, man. Like, it's, it's just not. No, dude, this is, this is so applicable, I, I can't even, it's so, it's weird. I'm actually, I'm dumbfounded, actually, right now. Are you just in a bad mood? Or, like, this doesn't sound like Kip to me. I'm like, man, Kip would be totally on board with this stuff.

• 15:14Speaker 01

  No, I'm a, I'm a huge, I'm a tech guy, but you'll, you know, anyone who follows me knows that even, even AI, I'm like, most of it's all hype, so, um, I don't know.

• 15:25Speaker 00

  I get excited about it.

• 15:26Speaker 01

  Maybe I, maybe I'm getting old.

• 15:28Speaker 00

  You are, you are getting old.

• 15:30Speaker 01

  Maybe I'm getting old and grumpy.

• 15:31Speaker 00

  Grumpy right now, you're grumpy today, bro. Like, I would have thought we'd have this conversation, like, oh, look at, think about how this can apply on this, and this, and this.

• 15:38Speaker 01

  That's what they say. Yeah. I, I'm just jaded, right? Because like Back to the Future, you know how long I've been waiting for that skateboard? I've been waiting for that skateboard forever, you know? It never came, Ryan. I'm tired of it.

• 15:49Speaker 00

  I know, but they, they.

• 15:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, the hoverboard.

• 15:51Speaker 00

  Hoverboard actually has two wheels. I'm like, how is that a hoverboard? It literally is the antithesis to hovering. It has wheels.

• 16:01Speaker 00

  All right, well, shoot, thanks for bursting my bubble, and Elon Musk's bubble.

• 16:06Speaker 01

  No, it's, it's cool.

• 16:09Speaker 00

  It is cool. It's better than cool.

• 16:11Speaker 01

  Um, but, it's better than cool. Well, and it's what happens when you're in the mountains all weekend, you know? It's like, ah, tech, you know?

• 16:18Speaker 00

  That, that's actually a good point. Like, I think there is, so there's a, there's, there is something to be said for just being able to be in the mountains. I went camping this weekend, I mean, the only technology we had was, I'm trying to be real about it, we had our phones, we had a solar powered light, and we had a lighter with lighter fluid, that's technology.

• 16:41Speaker 00

  And the rest was just, well, we had our side bike, we had a lot of technology. Okay, so we had everything, sorry.

• 16:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, once you add it up, you're like, yeah.

• 16:49Speaker 00

  Disregard, we had everything.

• 16:53Speaker 00

  A truck, a vehicle, a car, a chart, I actually used the charger that you, you gave me a couple years ago for Christmas, and, uh, that thing could light a house for a week if you needed it to, which is awesome. I love that thing.

• 17:06Speaker 01

  Charge your car.

• 17:07Speaker 00

  Totally. Charge your Tesla, your flying Tesla.

• 17:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, your flying Tesla.

• 17:13Speaker 00

  All right, enough of that.

• 17:14Speaker 01

  All right, should we hop into the questions? Yeah. All right, all right, Travis Holloway.

• 17:22Speaker 01

  "I was offered a job that would double my income, but it seems moving my wife and kids 1,500 miles from both sets of grandparents. My wife says she'll support whatever, uh, what, whatever I decide, which somehow makes it harder." By the way, that, that's a critical statement. How do you weigh opportunities against roots?

• 17:42Speaker 00

  Okay, so leadership is hard, right? And I think that's what Travis is, Travis, right? I think that's what he's alluding to, is that, when you make decisions, you are responsible for the decisions that you make. That's why so many men don't make decisions.

• 18:01Speaker 00

  Like, I, think about it even as, as benign as the dating world.

• 18:06Speaker 00

  Guy, guys will go on a date, and they'll be like, you know, like, I'd love to take you out, and she says yes, and he's like, well, you're like, where do you wanna go? What do you wanna do? It's like, what are you doing, dude? Like, be a man, say, hey, I'd like to go to this restaurant, how does that sound to you? You know, so you're, at least you're taking into her, her into consideration, but you're making decisions, and that's the most important thing that I think men can do, is make a decision. But too many men don't, because they're like, oh, what if she doesn't like it? Well, then, she can tell you she doesn't like it, or she can give you an alternative option. But I think part of being a man is just making decisions, and yes, it's harder, but

• 18:48Speaker 00

  it's also a really good place to be for two reasons. Number one, you get to do what you wanna do, which is cool.

• 18:56Speaker 00

  And number two, she leans into it. People want to be led, whether it's the woman in your life, or your kids, or your clients, or your employees, they want direction, they want guidance. And when a man steps up and says, hey, I would like to do this thing, that's, that's amazing, would, would you agree with that, Kip? That's amazing.

• 19:19Speaker 01

  Totally. Well, and I think you you take on a weight when it's your decision.

• 19:24Speaker 00

  Absolutely.

• 19:25Speaker 01

  And now you care more about the decision being made, right? And so if it's your call and it's a bad call, you care more about it. But if we both all decided and we took consensus and the decision sucks, no one's really held accountable per se and no one's at fault. But when you make the decision, it puts kind of the mantle of ownership on you, which ensures that you show up better, right? And and you put more weight into the decisions you're making.

• 19:50Speaker 00

  Yeah. But that's where I want to live.

• 19:54Speaker 00

  I would rather live there and somebody say, hey, that wasn't a good decision. And me say, yeah, you're right. It wasn't. Bunch that one than waiting around, sitting with, you know, your thumb in your mouth, waiting for somebody else to make a decision about what we should do. I could much rather make the decision. And if anybody has an issue with it, speak now or forever hold your peace. I guess that's how I operate. So I I think it's I think it's a great thing. Like, we're we're men. Like, isn't it an amazing thing? And you know what, too? Your wife already said she's on board. So you know what that means?

• 20:35Speaker 00

  She's putting her trust in your decision making hands.

• 20:42Speaker 00

  Props to you, man.

• 20:45Speaker 00

  Whatever you've done over the past, however long you guys have been together, she trusts you. So honor it.

• 20:55Speaker 00

  Honor her trust. And you honor her trust by making decisions on behalf of the family. And and here's what I would say is that we as men should make decisions in consideration of the people that we care about. And consideration is the biggest word. You have to consider what she cares about. So I'll give you an example. If you've been married to your wife for 10 years, let's say, and you know she hates cold weather. She's miserable. She's depressed. She hates it. She's like the worst to her. And you say, hey, babe, I'm thinking about moving us to South Dakota.

• 21:36Speaker 00

  Probably you aren't taking her into consideration. But if you said, hey, babe, got a job offer, we're moving to Miami.

• 21:44Speaker 00

  That's where things start to align, right? We have a job offer. It's in Miami. I know that you I'm I'm doing a very basic scenario here, but I I know that you don't like the cold weather. We have an opportunity to go to South Dakota or Miami, and I'm thinking Miami is the best option. That's what I feel. What do you think? And she's going to choose Miami. Okay. Done. We'll go to Miami. We won't go to South Dakota. And that means you as a man might need to sacrifice a little bit, but, you know, you already made an obligation. You made an obligation to her and your family long before you made an obligation to take this job opportunity. So does it align with what she's into, what she's not into, what she likes, what she doesn't like? And are you taking her into consideration? Yeah, I know you could double your income.

• 22:30Speaker 00

  At what cost? I think that's the question.

• 22:34Speaker 00

  At what cost?

• 22:36Speaker 01

  Yeah. And how about roots, you know, from your perspective, right? That was a key element of this. It's like double your income, you know, and moving the family away from grandparents, right? And and that balance.

• 22:48Speaker 00

  Well, I don't care about that personally.

• 22:52Speaker 00

  But again, this is where it comes to consideration. You married her. You built a family with her. So look, I'll get really raw with you. And I'm gonna I'm gonna tread lightly a little bit here. So we moved seven or eight years ago, we moved from Southern Utah, West Coast to Maine, East Coast. About as far away as you can go and still stay in the States. And I was not connected to family. I like I love my mother. I have a relationship with my sister, but that's like the extent of it.

• 23:28Speaker 00

  So I wasn't real close, but she was. She was very close to her family. And so we moved across the country, moved to the East Coast, and she was fully on board, very similar situation. Not that I could double my income, but we had some mobility. So we moved to the East Coast and

• 23:44Speaker 00

  in hindsight, what I realize is that while I wasn't connected to the family side of things, she was connected to that.

• 23:53Speaker 00

  And again, in hindsight, I probably would have got her back to Southern Utah sooner. Because that was important to her.

• 24:04Speaker 00

  So it doesn't really matter. I think when you marry somebody, when you partner with somebody, I don't really think it matters any longer. Like, everything that you want. We could double our income, okay? But again, at what cost? If she's rooted in her family, moving from a hundred thousand dollars to two hundred thousand dollars is not going to be the thing that makes your relationship better. It's gonna probably make it worse if it comes at the expense of other things that she's deeply rooted in. That's just how I see it.

• 24:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:36Speaker 00

  Yeah. Would you agree?

• 24:38Speaker 01

  I could. All right. Yeah, I think so. I mean, I I think there's a lot of considerations, a lot of variables, what's best for them. I mean, in some cases, a couple moving away from parents and being on their own is sometimes even a positive thing. The the other thing is like no move, in my opinion, is ever permanent.

• 24:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:58Speaker 01

  So it's like, we we kind of sometimes make decisions as though it's like, oh, this, this is a defining, you know, decision that will forever alter and will never come back. This is unnecessarily true. I mean, so I don't know, like, maybe we put maybe too much weight on on certain decisions. I love the fact that we moved all around a lot in our marriage, but I always knew that like Northern Utah was going to be home base.

• 25:25Speaker 00

  Yeah. Well, I think you have to evaluate.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  Worked out just fine.

• 25:28Speaker 00

  You have to evaluate it in real time, too, right? Like, this relies a lot on communication and trust. It's like, hey, babe, how you feeling about? We moved out here six months ago. Tell me how you're feeling about it. And you need to be able to be receptive to whatever she says, and you need to ask those types of questions. And if she says, hey, like, I mean, it's really nice that we're earning more money, but I'm I'm not really happy with where we are. Okay, let's, what would make you happier? What would make you more fulfilled? What would be more meaningful to you? But I do like what you said, Kip, too, about not every decision that you make is permanent. In fact, no decision you make is permanent. You can change courses based on all sorts of dynamics that come into the equation anytime, and you ought to do that.

• 26:11Speaker 01

  Yeah. And there's probably more variables on the table here.

• 26:15Speaker 00

  And we know.

• 26:15Speaker 01

  Right? It's like, oh, double my income by moving here. Okay, well, could you increase your income by 50% by not going out of state and just going into another city? Like, there's so many options.

• 26:26Speaker 00

  For sure. Cool. What's next?

• 26:29Speaker 01

  All right, Grant, Grant Ellison. I carry every day and train regularly. My wife grew up around zero guns and is uncomfortable having them in the house, especially with our kids getting older. How do I take protecting my family seriously without steamrolling her?

• 26:45Speaker 00

  Well, I look.

• 26:48Speaker 00

  We always fear what we don't know. And she fears what she doesn't know. It sounds like she probably didn't grow up around guns. She probably has some sort of cultural or political or spiritual belief around firearms, which is fair. That's that's fair. It's reasonable. We we can we can acknowledge that. But I think what I would do in this scenario is I would say, hey, babe, look, first things first, like, I I want to make sure that we keep our family safe. You know what's interesting about this, Kip? Is she would actually say the same thing.

• 27:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:25Speaker 00

  Right? Like, if you said, hey, my biggest goal is that we keep our family safe, she and she would say, yeah, mine too. You're actually you're you're on the same page. That's the most important thing that you need to realize. So what I would do is I would say, all right, babe, like, let's talk about this a little bit. You know, if if we have these scenarios come up, what what does safe look like to you? And she might say, well, you know, let's let's make sure that we live in a safe neighborhood. Let's make sure that the doors are locked at night. Let's make sure that maybe we have a dog that can, you know, alert us. We we teach our kids how to be situationally aware. All of those are accurate. I would agree with those things. And you say, yeah, I I agree with that.

• 28:10Speaker 00

  And then you might say something like, and I believe that having an added level of firearm protection is important. And and there's a couple of angles I would take with this. So number one is, what would help you feel more comfortable about having a firearm in the house, knowing that this is something that I think will help us keep us more safe, which is a goal we both have?

• 28:30Speaker 00

  And she might say, well, I just don't want a bunch of guns around the house. Well, I don't either. I love firearms, but I don't have guns like scattered, like pickup sticks all around the house.

• 28:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:43Speaker 00

  And so it's like, okay, well, what if what if I agreed to have a pistol locked up in a safe and then at night I pull the pistol out? Because what I have is, so I actually have this, it's actually really cool. It's a magnet that I screwed to the side of my bed frame, and I pull my pistol out and I'll put it on that bed frame. So at night, I always have a pistol that I can just grab off my bed frame anytime I need it. But during the day, I don't I don't need that, so I put that in a safe. And that might that might be enough for her. But like I said, when I when we started this conversation is we always fear what we don't understand. So I would say, hey, babe, like, look, I understand your concerns and fears.

• 29:28Speaker 00

  In fact, I had many of those same reservations before I actually went and shot a pistol. And this is how exactly how I would frame it.

• 29:37Speaker 00

  I would say it this way, verbatim.

• 29:40Speaker 00

  I know you have concerns, but it would mean a lot to me if you came out and you and I shot for 30 minutes this weekend. It would mean a lot to me.

• 29:54Speaker 00

  And leave it there. I think any woman who's like, okay, well, he wants me to come shoot. If she said, if she said to me, hey, babe, I know you don't dance, but it would mean a lot to me if you would come dance with me this weekend. I would go dance with her. I would do that. Of course I would do that. And I think any partner would say, yeah, if it means a lot to you, I will go do that. And then you go out and you teach her the firearm safety rules and you have fun and you shoot and you hit some some metal targets and you have fun with it and you enjoy each other's company. Don't press too hard, right? There's a balance. You're not going to say, see, I told you it was amazing. Like, why can't we have a gun in the house? No.

• 30:36Speaker 00

  Be a little political. And I I think you can work through it, man. I really do.

• 30:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:45Speaker 01

  All right, Derek Vaughn, "My life is objectively good, solid marriage, healthy kids, stable job. I'm 41 and I feel restless and bored and I hate that I feel this way. Is this a warning sign or just part of being a man?"

• 31:03Speaker 00

  Well, being restless is, I think, because we're ambitious, right? Just as men, we're ambitious. We want to achieve things. We want to go out, we want to do things.

• 31:15Speaker 00

  I don't know. What do you think about it, Kip?

• 31:19Speaker 01

  What I hear is a lack of higher purpose, you know? Like, he's not about something, right? Like, not that not having a solid marriage and kids and job is good, but like, well, what are you working on? Like, what's the next thing? What's the objective?

• 31:38Speaker 01

  How are you serving other individuals? You know, and I think you're feeling that way because you're called to something and you're having identified it.

• 31:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, I would agree. How do you find what you're? How would you say you find what you're driven to? Or what might bring more purpose to your life?

• 32:02Speaker 01

  Yeah. Also, advice that someone gave to me, and it was that we all have problems. People that have a life of fulfillment chose theirs.

• 32:11Speaker 00

  Oh, that's good.

• 32:12Speaker 01

  So choose the problem and find the problem that pisses you off. Like, you obviously have some things that kind of get you riled up. That's a great place to start and to look at and say, what are you going to do about it? Instead of drifting and having a complaint about something, step into the arena and play an active role in resolving it.

• 32:33Speaker 00

  I would agree with that. Like, figure out what issues are important to you, what bothers you, what experiences you've had in the past that might make you believe a certain thing about culture or about politics? And then just start trying to solve the problem. There's a guy that I follow, I can't remember his name. He works with a lot of underprivileged children and it was a big deal for him because he was that same way. And now he's teaching them, young boys particularly, how to have manners, how to interact with the world, how to start conversations, how to end conversations, how to ask for promotion.

• 33:17Speaker 00

  These are like incredible skills to have. And you look at this guy and it's like, how did he, how did he become so successful with this? Well, it was an important issue to him. And so what is your important issue? And by the way, when you talk about, "I have the perfect marriage, I have the perfect relationship," you actually become more attractive to the person you're with when you have a mission outside of just her. That's a really fascinating thing is that most men believe, I think, that if they let the woman be the center of their universe and they orbit around the woman, that she'll somehow love them more.

• 33:56Speaker 00

  And it's really flattering, I think, for women initially, but over time it becomes annoying, to say the least, when they realize, oh, my man doesn't have something that he's actually going out and trying to accomplish in the universe. And so I would challenge you and say, what is it that you want to accomplish? And the best way to do that is through a system that we use. Kip, you and I have been using this for over a decade now. It's called the Battle Plan, where you start to identify, okay, well, what is your vision for the future? What are the objectives that you want to accomplish? What tactics can you complete? Like, just small, little, simple things can you complete on a daily basis that will move you towards your objectives? That will move you towards your ultimate vision?

• 34:41Speaker 00

  And if you don't have something like this, you're floating, you're drifting. And that's never going to create something good. So I would encourage you to go check out our Battle Planning app. If you go to orderofman.com/twbp, as in 12-week battle plan, you'll find some really cool resources. Or actually, you know what, Kip? We should do is we should give him the access to the Battle Ready program. It's free and it might help you come up with some goals and a vision for yourself that you can start being more ambitious. Again, it's entirely free. So if you go to orderofman.com/battleready, you'll have access to that. And that might help get you on the track you need.

• 35:26Speaker 01

  I love it. I love it. All right, Cody Brennan, "How do you stay off your phone? I preach to my kids about screens and then I catch myself scrolling at dinner."

• 35:38Speaker 00

  I mean, rules. So two things, rules and access.

• 35:46Speaker 00

  So a rule might be, hey, guys, no phones at the dinner table. That goes for all of us. That's a rule. Access is, it's not, it doesn't even belong in the kitchen. So a rule would be no phones at the dinner table. Access would be no phones in the kitchen or dining room.

• 36:07Speaker 00

  That's it.

• 36:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:09Speaker 00

  Like, there's, there's no other way to do it. You might tell your kids, hey, guys, no phones after 8 o'clock for all of us. That's a rule. Access is all phones are charged in the kitchen or in the living room or in the office. The office, that's probably a better example. All phones charged in the office. Guess what? Including yours. I don't think we need to give our kids, like, there's, there is some exceptions to this rule, but I don't think we need to give our kids rules that we aren't willing to abide by most of the time. You know, go back to firearms. Hey, guys, and this is, this is known, you can't carry a firearm around town. That rule doesn't apply to me.

• 36:52Speaker 00

  It applies to you because you're a teenager, but it doesn't apply to me. But for most rules, I'm willing to do that with my kids. So you have rules and then you have access and you're violating both. When you tell your kids, no, no phones at the dinner table, and then you pull out your phone at the dinner table. Okay, not only is it about the phone, but here's a deeper issue. They, they trust you less. You're, you're a weasel.

• 37:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:22Speaker 00

  And that's how they see you. I promise you. And look, I'm not chastising you without chastising myself. Because I promise you, even if they don't say anything, they think less of you. It's the reality. So when you say, hey, guys, as a family, we're not doing phones at the dinner table, and you grab your phone out and you're like, whoa, whoa, hold on, kids, it's important, it's important to me. It's a, it's a business call. They don't know about your business call. What they see is, oh, rules for, rules for, you know, thee, but not for, you know, thou or whatever, whatever the phrase is. That's a problem. That's an issue. That undermines trust and respect with your children. So rules and access, that's it.

• 38:07Speaker 01

  Years ago, I read a book and I don't remember what book it was around parenting, but they said that think of your kids' playtime as the equivalent of your work. And, and the council was a little bit like disrupting what they're doing. Give them ample notice of like, hey, guys, you know, let's wrap up here pretty soon. Like, the way we feel about all this absolute important thing that I'm doing, which is work, is kind of how they're treating their play. And, and I bet our phones are very similar. We think, ah, this is work, it's urgent. And they're, and in their world, the equivalent is, well, this is my friend texting me.

• 38:44Speaker 00

  It's urgent to them.

• 38:45Speaker 01

  And so, yeah, it's really urgent to them. And so, you know, my, my suggestion to Cody is make no exceptions for yourself. And in fact, this is on my battle plan this quarter of no phone between 6:00 and 9:00 PM. And initially it was like, oh, you know, I'll stay off my phone, I'll put it in my pocket. But I'm like, I don't even want my kids seeing me look at my phone. Like, I almost want them to be like, does dad still have a phone?

• 39:16Speaker 01

  And, and, and for me to do that, that means what? I have to be super intentional that I make sure that work ends earlier, that I did wrap up the thing, that I did send the text messages before 6:00 PM came. I could do that, you could do that, we could all do that. But I have to be extra intentional about it. And then that way I can really hide my phone, put it in the drawer in the bedroom and not even have it on me.

• 39:40Speaker 01

  And so where we get wrong is where we have these exceptions, right? To the rule, Iowa, you know, it's this and it's that and whatever. It's like, no, don't even play that game. Like, try, try to stay away from it and plan appropriately so then that way you can honor the commitment.

• 39:54Speaker 00

  Yeah. I would say, don't even try, just do it.

• 39:59Speaker 00

  And, and then you might actually say, well, my business partner is going to call me at 8 o'clock. Well, you scheduled a meeting with your business partner at 8 o'clock. So don't do that.

• 40:12Speaker 00

  You're the one who scheduled it. So say, hey, hey, I'd love to talk. Like, we got to connect on these issues. I'm available 8 o'clock AM tomorrow morning, not 8:00 PM tonight.

• 40:24Speaker 00

  You have, you have control over your schedule. And I hear guys all the time who will say, well, like, I'm busy, like, real estate agents do this. Well, like, it's the only time my client can get together. Really?

• 40:36Speaker 00

  The, the human being who's interested in buying a house that you're selling can only meet you at 8:00 PM to 9:00 PM tonight? Like, that's the only time they can meet you? Have some standards, like, have some respect for yourself. If I was ever in real estate, I'd be like, hey, look, I don't meet after 6 o'clock, but I'll meet you at noon, I'll, I'll take you on a lunch break. If you want to come into town, come into town tomorrow morning. And I would be so good that people would clamor over me to meet my schedule, not for me to meet theirs. This is my schedule. Protect it at all costs. And then just be, and this goes to what you were saying, be amazing enough

• 41:18Speaker 00

  that people will clamor over themselves to meet your schedule, not for you to meet theirs.

• 41:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:28Speaker 01

  All right, Marcus Teague, I volunteered to coach my son's 10U, so probably what 10 youth baseball team. The kids are great. The parents are a nightmare. Complaints about playing time, texts at 11pm, one dad who yells from the stands. How do I lead adults who didn't sign up to be, to be led?

• 41:49Speaker 00

  Well, first, they did sign up.

• 41:54Speaker 00

  Because they signed their kid up. And it's a package deal. That's a child. That's a 10, 11 year old child, which means that they're still under the care of their parents, which means that they did themselves sign up for it. So when I was coaching, and I don't coach much anymore, I've outgrown my usefulness for coaching my kids at this point. They've, they've become much better players than I can coach them. But I try to stay involved in whatever, I mean, I took pictures for my two oldest boys' high school lacrosse team last year, and I know nothing about that, but I did it to stay involved. But I don't coach them because they've outgrown my coaching.

• 42:36Speaker 00

  But when I was coaching, I always sent, I sent out this text, and I probably still have it saved. I should share it with you guys. And it was a little harsh. And when I initially sent it out, it was a little harsh because I was teaching or coaching seven, eight, nine, 10 year old kids at the time. And, and the text is basically this, like, hey, so and so, I'm your son's baseball coach, and I'm really excited to have little Timmy on the team this week, or this year. And if you have any questions, this is my phone number. You can reach out to me anytime. But I want to let you know a couple of ground rules. Number one, we practice on Tuesday and Thursday nights at 7pm. Here's where we practice. Number two, I expect your boys to show up on time and be there and be present

• 43:19Speaker 00

  when they're playing. And if they're not, they don't get to play as much as the boys who do show up, regardless of their skill level. Number three is we're here to win baseball games. Yes, we'll have fun. Yes, we'll enjoy ourselves. Yes, they're going to learn skills that will serve them for the rest of their life. But I play to win. So I expect that the boys play as hard as they can to win baseball games. Next is, I need some help. I need parents to step up. I don't care who it is, but I need you to step up. You need to have no experience. I'm asking you to help me administer discipline, like teaching our kids to run, or how to field a ground ball. You don't need experience to do that. Next, and this is one thing that was really important, if you start criticizing

• 44:02Speaker 00

  me, or chastising me, especially in public, you are simultaneously volunteering to be my assistant coach. So if I hear any critique, criticism, complaint, especially in public, know that I will expect you to be there on Tuesday at the next practice as my assistant coach. If you have issues with the way I'm coaching, come to me with respect. We can talk about it. If you have questions about why I play your kid as much as I do, or why I don't play him as much as you would like, you can come to me directly. I'll communicate with you respectfully and clearly. Other than that, let's have a great season. Let's win baseball games. Thanks for your attention.

• 44:42Speaker 00

  And when I sent that out, at first, I was about to hit send. The first time I sent it out, I'm like, ooh, I don't know, this is harsh. And then I hit send. And you know what happened? Every parent abided by what I told them to do.

• 45:00Speaker 00

  Every single parent, because people love leadership, number one, and people care about their kids, and they want strong leaders in their kids' lives. And then I held people to it. I had one parent, a father one time, start to yell at me in public at a game. And while the boys were doing their thing, I waved him over. I said, hey, like, not rude, I was just like, hey. And I pulled him over by the side of the dugout. And I said, hey, look, I know you might be upset about the way I'm coaching, or about the way the game is going. And I understand that. I would, I would, I would be upset, I think, maybe if I were in your shoes. But I sent you a text, and you remember the text I sent you.

• 45:42Speaker 00

  And you volunteered to be my coach next week. So I'll expect here on Tuesday night, if you have an issue about the way I'm coaching, you can talk with me in private. Otherwise, you can sit on the bench and watch your son play the game. And be respectful to your son, and be respectful to me. If you want to talk about that later, in private, I'm happy to do that. But we're not doing this here. Don't embarrass yourself. Don't embarrass your son. And be a good father.

• 46:13Speaker 00

  And to his credit, he sat down, he called me the next day, and he said, hey, I'm really sorry about the way I showed up. I said, it's okay, man. I know, like, sports are, like, we get emotional. I do, too. It's okay. But I do expect you to be at practice on Tuesday. And he's like, yeah, I'll be there. And it was great. The rest of the season went great. But you have to uphold boundaries. You have to have rules. And those parents did sign up just as much as their kids did. But if you let them trounce all over you, they will. But I don't tolerate that. I don't tolerate that from children, let alone from grown adults. Like, that's not going to be a thing that happens in my life.

• 46:57Speaker 01

  All right, Brent Okafor, a buddy came up, a buddy I came up with just sold his company and is set for life. I'm genuinely happy for him, but I'm also eaten up with envy that I didn't expect. How do you do, I don't know, it's kind of weirded word, but like, more or less, how do you deal with this when a friend's success exposes something ugly in you?

• 47:26Speaker 00

  Do you think envy's bad, Kip? What do you think?

• 47:32Speaker 00

  Or when does it become bad?

• 47:38Speaker 01

  I don't know. I mean, I, I, when I think about successful people in my life, and I'm like, man, that's awesome. Like, I'm happy for them. Maybe I wish, right? There's like a sense of wish of like, oh, man, I wish I was in a different position. I don't know if that's necessarily bad. I think it's bad when I demonize them, and I place verdict and judgment on them of like, why they got it and I didn't. And/or I make excuses for myself and, and, and go down the path of like, this will never be available to me because of XYZ.

• 48:16Speaker 01

  But beside that, I don't know if that's necessarily a bad thing to, to wish, to want, as long as it doesn't translate to ill feelings and judgment towards someone else, or to yourself.

• 48:32Speaker 00

  I would, I would actually totally agree with that. I don't think being envious, I mean, we should not covet, right? That's one of the 10 commandments, thou shall not covet. But I think that's different than envy, like, oh, I'm, I'm envious of the life that Kip has created. I don't, I don't think that's bad. Like, you've created a really nice life. You've got a beautiful family. You've got a career. You've got nice things. You're taking care of yourself. And so I'm like, I'm envious of that. I think to your point, that where I start to believe that it crosses the line, and I have, is exactly to your point, where you start to say, well, yeah, the reason Kip's ahead is because his mom gave him all his money when he was a kid, or like, whatever, right? Like,

• 49:16Speaker 00

  we come, we come up with all these excuses and reasons, even though we know it's not true. Or, or, the alternative is we start to feel bad about ourselves. And you alluded to this, is instead of saying, well, yeah, the reason Kip's ahead is because his family gave him all his wealth when he was a kid, which again, is not true. The alternative is to say, well, you know, like, that would never be enough for, like, I couldn't, I would never, my parents, and I could never, and this is not going to work for me, where it becomes a problem. But if I look at it healthy, and I say, hey, my, a friend that I just came up to high school with, sold his business for $25 million, and he's set for life, you know what I would be more interested in? Because he's a friend, and you know him?

• 50:01Speaker 00

  If it was you, Kip, and you sold a business for, let's say, $25 million, I'd call you up and I'd say, bro, awesome. Congratulations. Great work. Can I go to lunch with you and learn a little bit more about how you made this work?

• 50:19Speaker 00

  That's what I would be more interested in, is like, what did you do? How did you do it? What business did you buy? What technology did you develop? Because I want to learn how you did that. And I think that's the key, is instead of attributing it to something that didn't happen, or blaming it on your own life and why you can never be good enough, start to bridge the gap, which is, Kip, what did you tell me, teach me, show me, mentor me? You're set for life. So at this point, I'm, I want to hire you as my coach, because I need to figure out what you did. Those are the guys who have the most success.

• 50:58Speaker 01

  I'm trying to figure out the death. What would you say the definition of covet is?

• 51:04Speaker 00

  I, I think covet is probably an extreme where you start to overlook your morals and your principles. Right? So for example,

• 51:16Speaker 01

  So recall, right?

• 51:17Speaker 00

  If, if, if you, if you got the new, the brand new flying Tesla and I was coveting that, I'd be like, well, I want it. And so I'm going to go steal it. That would be a, that would be a violation of my principle.

• 51:32Speaker 00

  Right? Or if I said, well, I want enough money to buy the flying Tesla. And so I'm going to rip a bunch of people off and start a Ponzi scheme. That would be a violation of my moral duty and obligation. And I think that's where covet comes into play.

• 51:49Speaker 01

  Got it. Got it.

• 51:50Speaker 00

  Do you think something different?

• 51:51Speaker 01

  There might be a lighter.

• 51:54Speaker 01

  No, I, I agree. I, I think I'm wondering if there's a lighter version of this where, um, you know, we, we start talk. I mean, we've talked about this, the comparison trap, right? Where sometimes what we'll do is we'll rob ourselves of gratitude. Um, and have short sighted thinking when we're hyper focused on what we don't have, what other people have. And we might chase after that, not realizing that there's a bigger picture here and that there's a lot of things that we should be grateful for that we do have, you know?

• 52:25Speaker 00

  Well, there is, it's called inspired by. But one of the 10 commandments is not, I will, I will not be inspired by the abundance Kip has created.

• 52:37Speaker 00

  No, you should be inspired by it. Kip, if you can do it, I mean, I certainly can. If you can do it, Kip, I certainly can do it. No, but that, but that is kind of the point, right? It's like, you're allowed to be inspired by.

• 52:50Speaker 01

  Does a drive action.

• 52:51Speaker 00

  Yeah. Like there's all sorts of people who have way more success on just about any front that I'm actually inspired by. Like, oh man, that guy's got an amazing family. I'm inspired by that. I don't want his family. I don't want to steal his wife and his kids from him. But I'm inspired by it. Like maybe that motivates me to show up more fully for my kids.

• 53:12Speaker 00

  Or hey, that guy started this amazing business and he sold it for nine figures. And, you know, I don't want to like steal from him or bad mouth him or make it worse for him. But I do want to learn how he did it because I might be interested in selling my business for nine figures at some point. So the, the softer version, like you said, I think that's the word you use is inspired by. You're allowed to be that. You should be. I mean, even when we're talking about, you know, covet and envy and the 10 commandments, even Jesus Christ told us to be inspired by him. Live like him, be like him. That's inspiration. That's completely acceptable. In fact, it's encouraged.

• 53:54Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. I like that. Good question from Nathan Price here. He says, I just became a grandfather of 52. I wasn't the father I should have been when my kids were young. I see this as a second chance. How do I show up for my grandkids without my adult kids feeling like I'm just trying to rewrite history?

• 54:14Speaker 00

  Oh, communication. It's communication. Like I would sit down with your son who has your grandkids or your, or your daughter. And I would say, hey bud, look, like

• 54:26Speaker 00

  when your mom and I had you, I was 20 years old. And I felt like I was a kid myself. I was really trying to figure out, navigate, how to walk through this new responsibility of fatherhood. And I feel like I did X, Y, and Z really well. And I feel like I did A, B, and C not so well. And over the years I've realized that there's some amazing opportunities because I did the things well. And there might be some challenges because I did not do these things so well. And I'm very excited for my grandson or granddaughter. And I'm very excited to be a big part of their life. And I realized that I could have done so much better with you.

• 55:10Speaker 00

  And I want to be able to do that with my grandkids. And so the things that

• 55:18Speaker 00

  you hopefully appreciated about the way I showed up as a dad, I want to bring that into the relationship. And the things that you don't appreciate, that I think are X, Y, and Z. Maybe you can help me understand where you would like me to improve or where you would have liked me to see, see me show up more fully. And I want to bring that to my grandson or granddaughter. Communication solves all things, by the way. Like how powerful of a conversation would that be if you meant it in earnest? And your daughter or your son would say, well, dad, you were really good at showing up. Or you really were good at providing, but you really were impatient with us and you were hard on us.

• 55:59Speaker 00

  Or you wanted us to walk your footsteps when we wanted to do something else. And that was frustrating for us. And so it'd be, it would mean a lot to, to me as your son or daughter. If, when you show up for little Timmy or little Suzie, to let them be their own person. Like give them guidance, give them direction, spend time with them and embrace the fact that they're different than you. It's like, cool. I can do that. I want to do that. It's just communication. It's not hard. Everybody makes it harder than it needs to be. I think that's the answer.

• 56:34Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, and it's interesting because he used the language, you know, he doesn't want his adult kids feeling like I'm trying to rewrite history. Why not?

• 56:45Speaker 01

  Right? Like they might, they might want you to rewrite history. Like, hey, do it better this time. Right? Like level up and don't do the same things you've done in the past.

• 56:53Speaker 00

  I mean, it's a good, it's a great point.

• 56:55Speaker 01

  I don't know if that's essentially.

• 56:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, exactly. I mean, rewrite history. You can't make up for lost time. So I think that's where the issue would be. But I don't really think you're rewriting history. I think you just say, hey, look, I want to do a better job than I did with you guys.

• 57:09Speaker 00

  That's not rewriting history. It's just saying, I learned from history and I want to do better than the way I showed up 10 years ago, 20 years ago. It's not rewriting it. It's just learning from our experiences.

• 57:23Speaker 01

  All right. So as we go into hunting season, Jeremy Stole has, needs some advice here. He says, I've taken my son hunting since he was eight. He's 14 now and, and told me he doesn't want to go anymore. He had rather play music. Do I push or do I let go? Any advice?

• 57:42Speaker 00

  Well, if you drag him into the wilderness and try to get him to shoot animals, he's just going to resent that activity and you. So what I would say, my knee jerk reaction is learn to play an instrument with him.

• 57:59Speaker 00

  If, if he's like, hey dad, I don't want to hunt. I want to go play the drums. Cool. Guess what he's getting for Christmas this year? A drum set.

• 58:10Speaker 00

  And guess, guess what? Like I'm actually going to be learning with him. If he's like, I want to play the guitar. I want to play the piano. I want to compose music. Like whatever. I want to sing. It's like, cool. Then I'm taking singing lessons too. Like we're, we're doing this together. And also I would encourage him to round himself out. Like I'd say, hey bud, look, we don't have to go hunting, but we are going to go camping as a family this weekend. What, what would be fun for you? Why don't you bring your guitar and you know what would be fun? One night we'll sit around the campfire and you can play us a song that you learned on your guitar.

• 58:50Speaker 00

  I mean, just as I get older, so my, my oldest just graduated. I don't, I don't need my kids to hunt for me to love them or for me to care about them, or even for me to connect with them. I don't need to hunt with them. I, I like hunting. I would like them to go hunting with me. But I can connect in a thousand different ways that have nothing to do with hunting. And it's just as amazing. So yeah, if he's like, well dad, I want to play the guitar. Cool. You guys this weekend go down to the pawn shop, buy guitar for 150, 200 bucks or whatever it is. And say, all right, bud, I'm going to bankroll this for you. You got to work this off. You got to earn $15 a week. And here's how you do it. And this goes towards the cost of your guitar. You said you want to do this. I'm in it with you. Let's do it together.

• 59:37Speaker 00

  Isn't that amazing?

• 59:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:40Speaker 01

  Totally. And, and by we're at it, son, uh, whenever we eat that venison, you don't get to eat that dinner since you didn't go on the hunt. So just, you know, want to be clear.

• 59:49Speaker 00

  Yeah. But then he'd say, well, you don't get to listen to my guitar playing. So you got to go somewhere else while I sit around the campfire and play guitar.

• 59:58Speaker 01

  Oh, it's funny. I do think there's, I mean, I totally agree with you, Ryan. I do think there's an element, though, where we'll get our kids that just they don't want to do anything.

• 1:00:08Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:00:08Speaker 01

  You know, that it's like, well, I don't like that anymore, you know, and sometimes it's like, hey, get in the car anyway. We're going anyway. You know, bring your guitar.

• 1:00:17Speaker 00

  I agree.

• 1:00:17Speaker 01

  And, and because I can't count how many times I've done this with my kids and, and then, you know, we did it last night, actually. We're sitting over family prayer, saying, what was your best part? And what was the best part? Going up to Driggs Idaho. Well, guess who didn't want to go to Driggs Idaho? All of them. None of them wanted to go, right? But, you know, once you get up there and you're riding more cycles and you're up in the mountains, it's like, oh, man, so happy we came. But, you know, the drive is a little boring, or maybe you want to do these other things and be a little lazy and, and your kids need a little bit of a push, you know, to get out.

• 1:00:55Speaker 00

  I mean, you're still the dad, right?

• 1:00:58Speaker 00

  Yeah. So, but there's, there's a balance to your point. There's a balance between, hey, I'm gonna make them do this thing. They, like, I remember when my second son, I took him on a hunt and he was successful. He killed a couple of pigs in three or four days and he loved it. I, I thought he loved it. But he didn't, you know, and, and I said, I, like, he was, he was having fun. It wasn't like he was miserable, like, he was fine. But I said, hey, bud, like, we're gonna go hunting again next year. Do you want to go? And he's like, no. I said, wait, what? It's like foreign to me. Well, you don't want to go hunting? And he said, no, I don't like being cold. I don't like being tired. And I don't like

• 1:01:39Speaker 00

  being bored. I'm like, yeah, there's like, pretty legitimate reasons not to hunt. That's a legitimate argument.

• 1:01:45Speaker 01

  That's the list of hunting.

• 1:01:47Speaker 00

  Yeah. And I don't make him go hunting with me. Like, why would, I don't need you to go hunting with me. So I go hunting with my other kids. And I always invite them. By the way, I always invite them. And I say, hey, bud, like, you're welcome to come. I know last time you said you didn't want to go, but you're, we would love to have you there. Nope, dad, I'm good. Okay, that's fine. But if we're gonna go on a camp out, I'm like, no, bro, we're going. Like, you're coming with us. Bring your notepad. Bring,

• 1:02:14Speaker 01

  Got a family thing.

• 1:02:15Speaker 00

  Whatever you want to bring to make it more enjoyable for you. If you want to draw, if you want to paint, if you want to, you know, look at card. Like, there's things that you can do that will make this more enjoyable for you. But we are going to do this thing. So I think there is a middle ground, for sure.

• 1:02:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Well, here's, we have another thing that we're doing that we want to invite you guys to, and that's November 18th. That's next month. 8:00 PM Eastern Time is the next scheduled War Room. Ryan, I don't know if you have a topic for that yet, but to learn more, orderofman.com/warroom, November 18th at 8:00 PM Eastern.

• 1:02:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, we don't, we don't have something set up right now, but we've done these three times now. And I think, I think, I'd have to look at the numbers. Kip, when you did yours, not for this month, but in the month of September, you might hold the record for the most amount of attendees. It pains me to admit that, but you, I think you do hold the record.

• 1:03:13Speaker 01

  Well, it was so bad that people now, when they hear about War Room, they don't come. So you could look at it multiple ways.

• 1:03:20Speaker 00

  Well, I was gonna say, you, you hold the record for the most amount of attendees at the beginning and the least amount of attendees at the end.

• 1:03:28Speaker 01

  There you go.

• 1:03:30Speaker 00

  That's not true, by the way. But anyways, yeah, we're, we do these every month. And I just, I think it's fun. I enjoy it. There's, there's nothing else than I think it's fun. It's a great way for a hundred men to get together, to communicate, to talk, to address important issues, to ask questions of each other. And yeah, we have an agenda, but I've even thought about doing a War Room, maybe the end of December, where there's no agenda, and we just talk and converse and have conversations. Because at this point, where else do you go? I mean, I talk with men every single day who are so lonely, so destitute, so focused on their stuff, so inundated with the responsibilities, that it's all about everything else and

• 1:04:13Speaker 00

  never about you. And it, I get that as a man, it's even hard, it's a hard pill to swallow to say, well, I'd like some personal time. It is. And it's actually kind of noble. That's the challenge. Dale Partridge years ago called it a noble obstacle. It's noble. I'm pouring into everybody else. But it's an obstacle in that you're hindering yourself. And by the way, you're hindering yourself, or your, your people long-term as well. So I would definitely encourage you to, to just, it's free. I mean, take a Wednesday night, come hang out with us for an hour. And I'm a stickler on time, so I'll get you out of there in an hour and we'll have a good time and learn about some things and enjoy, enjoy each other's

• 1:04:55Speaker 00

  company and learn how to be a better man. So check it out, orderofman.com/warroom. Anything else, Kip?

• 1:05:03Speaker 01

  Nope, just the typical call to action. You guys can connect and follow Mr. Mickler on X and Instagram, at Ryan Mickler. I think that's all we got.

• 1:05:15Speaker 00

  Well, guys, we'll be back on Friday. We've got a couple of hunts, so I'll be kind of sporadic, but we'll be here for these podcasts. But until then, go out there, take action, and become a man you are meant to be.

• 1:05:26Speaker 02

  Thank you for listening to the Order of Man Podcast. You ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you are meant to be? We invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.