Miguel & Jay Shetty ON How Seeking the Positive in Difficult Years Can Help Build Mental Fortitude

No doubt about it, 2020 has been a difficult year. How do you navigate strange and unusual occurrences without losing your positivity? In this episode of On Purpose, Miguel and Jay Shetty bring awareness to the importance of caring for your mental health. Want to learn some tips on navigating normal routine changes by staying positive? Watch the full episode to learn how Jay Shetty and Miguel practice mental fortitude and use the lessons difficult years bring to grow. Text Jay Shetty 310-997-4177. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

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• 0:43Jay Shetty?

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• 1:26Jay Shetty?

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• 2:01Jay Shetty?

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• 2:45Jay Shetty?

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• 3:10Jay Shetty?

  Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. I love this community. Honestly, I'm being honest. I absolutely love to see you posting on Instagram, leaving incredible reviews. We have over 14,000 five star reviews now, which is absolutely insane. If you haven't left one, please go and do that. It would mean the world to me. I'm always reading through them. And what I love most is just seeing what you're learning in the stories. I love seeing what you're sharing with your friends. And this episode is one I had to share with you. I spoke with the incredible musician and artist Miguel recently about mental health, his experiences in our communities. And I had to share it with you because it was a really deep

• 3:55Jay Shetty?

  and profound conversation where we both opened up. And that's what you're about to hear. And so when you hear this one, I want you to think about your own mental wellbeing. I want you to think about the wellbeing of your friends, in your community, and really think about how you can be a difference in your own life and make an impact in the life of others. It's an uplifting and inspiring conversation. I can't wait for you to hear it. Thanks for being here.

• 4:27Jay Shetty?

  Miguel, how's it going?

• 4:28Speaker 01

  How are you, Jay?

• 4:29Jay Shetty?

  I'm so good, man. I'm so good. I'm so happy to see you. Thank you, first of all, from the bottom of my heart for doing this, man. I appreciate you so much and I'm so grateful to spend this time with you.

• 4:39Speaker 01

  Oh, it's my pleasure. It really is my pleasure, man. A lot of kind of getting to know more about you through my wife, actually, has been really inspiring and just catching sort of your perspective and all of the gems that you kind of, you know, you give, you give the people who follow you and help, it just really does help with sort of the daily challenges that we all have to deal with. It's really, really cool. So it's really a pleasure. I appreciate it.

• 5:05Jay Shetty?

  Thank you, man. Yeah, Naz is amazing. And we got to meet earlier this year before the lockdown. I'm so glad, actually, that we... And she's incredible. And me and my wife are big fans of your music. We listen to you all the time. We've been listening to you a ton during lockdown. We listen to you in the car. And so, you know, we're big fans of what you do. And when I saw you open up about mental health and start talking about it, I was in awe because, you know, obviously so many people connect and resonate with your your musicianship and your incredible talent. But for you to come out and talk about your own challenges, and I know we'll dive into some of those today. But first of all, I just wanted you to know, we're both fans as well. I'm really excited and I'm looking forward to it. We have to double date at some point.

• 5:48Speaker 01

  Oh, we'd love that. We would love that.

• 5:50Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that would be fun. Yeah, today's all about, you know, the key to this festival. And we made it seven days because I was like, World Mental Health Day. There's, that's not enough time to talk about mental health. Like, this is so much more beyond that. And you've been kind enough to open our event today. I want to start off by just asking you, how have you been during the last few months? What has been the things that you've turned to? How is this experience been for you?

• 6:15Speaker 01

  Man, it has been, life already has its challenges. And so, when are used to sort of having to adjust a lot in pursuit of anything that you love, which you know, you and I are blessed to have found for ourselves. And so, we kind of understand the ebb and flow, sort of unknowing, not knowing what's gonna come, but having a real deep sense of direction because of, you know, knowing what we love. Even still, I would say this year's been probably the most challenging. And you know, it's like when you do things like you have a regular routine of like workout, let's say, and then you switch your workout out.

• 6:55Speaker 01

  You switch it up, you start to use different muscles and you realize all of the things that you really need to reinforce, to strengthen. And I think this year's been, you know, it's really revealed some of the things that maybe we could shore up. And for me, it's been, you know, sort of mental fortitude, focus, balance. These things have absolutely been at the forefront, priorities. Those things have been sort of at the top of the brain and have been challenging to sort of, okay, reorganize. But I think it's made us stronger in a lot of ways. So being able to talk about it and still be here, you know, be strong, be able to show up and to still pursue has been, you know, encouraging. It's been encouraging.

• 7:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, thank you for sharing that. I love that term you used. I've, I've never heard someone say it that way. It's mental fortitude. Hmm. Powerful. Where did that come from for you? Like, what does that mean for you? And, and what are you doing daily or weekly that's helping you build that? I think that was really powerful.

• 7:51Speaker 01

  Thank you. Yeah, mental fortitude, as you know, my purpose really comes from being a sponge and also being able to be vulnerable. I lean into emotion, not only because it's helps me, but because that's sort of what makes me connect with people. And that's how I connect with people. And there's a switch there. You have to be able to turn off the sort of being a sponge of emotion. Because when things are happening all around and there's turmoil all around, you kind of have to turn on your, what brain is that? Your ability to analyze, sort of put things in their place and not spin out of control in, in your emotions. And so mental fortitude is something that I've been, I think it's been a big focus.

• 8:36Speaker 01

  And tools for that have been, you know, simple things, which we all know, you know, it's like simple routines and self-maintenance. And self-care and compassion, I think are big ones for me. So are those things you're using in this time too? Because you're knowledgeable about this and you have so much insight. So I'm absolutely curious on what's been your, like, how's it been for you as well?

• 8:56Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, no, it's a great question. I think that for me as well, it's very similar in that. I find that in uncertain times, you have to create your own certainty.

• 9:06Speaker 01

  Right.

• 9:07Jay Shetty?

  So the only way you do that is through having routine, through having ritual, through having prayer or practice or meditation. Like if you don't have that daily, then you're not going to find certainty from anywhere around you. And then the other part of it that's been really interesting to me, and you said this at the beginning, I've been fortunate enough at this time to be happy and healthy and safe. And so the way I find certainty and uncertainty is through service. So because I'm healthy and safe, I'm going to myself, well, what can I do to help someone else? Who may not be healthy and safe, or who may have a bigger difficulty right now. So even this conversation that we're getting to have, and I'm looking at the comments and I'm seeing people that are like,

• 9:52Jay Shetty?

  thank you for saying that. I needed to hear that. You know, I really need to have someone to open up around. And so for me, I'm always thinking, how can I extend myself to others? Because that always feels a sense of certainty in that, okay, I'm a part of the solution. I'm trying to help. I think when we feel connected to that, that's a phenomenal feeling.

• 10:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's sort of figuring out how to be of service. It's an interesting way to switch, you know, it's about me or how I'm feeling vibe and it does completely change how you integrate with the reality or whatever's happening in this moment. Because it's empowering. It's also, it's empowering. You're saying, I can, I can help. And then you put the action behind it. That's actually been a really good tool. And, and even again, like just having the conversation alone. It is really dope to see people just, you know, just be responsive and say, hey, I appreciate it. It's really empowering. So that makes a lot of sense.

• 10:50Jay Shetty?

  I love that, man. When was it that you first started to, because I know I've read about your meditation practices before. I've read about your journey with mental health. When was it where you started to feel like you needed to talk to someone? What was it about your own journey? Tell us a bit about that. With mental health, where you started to not want to talk about it externally, but you realized that you wanted to focus on it internally? And what was it that triggered that?

• 11:15Speaker 01

  It was around maybe.

• 11:18Speaker 01

  Six years ago, I was working on an album and I could feel myself spiraling. And just spiraling, huh, like my emotions in the pursuit of the music. I was kind of following them too deep and that would be positive and negative. And those sort of things that those habits started to kind of converge. Until they hit a tipping point and my family had to sit me down and go, hey, like. We're not really sure who you are right now. It's varies so drastically. Sometimes you're who we know and other times you're a different person. And I had to reconcile with that and realize that there was some changes that need to be made.

• 12:02Speaker 01

  And luckily I did, I know I had a family and a support system that was like not gonna let me. Just do it, you know, which is a blessing in and of itself, massive blessing. And so I, you know, I started, I saw, I started seeing a therapist and sort of dealing with. The internal dialogue and I realized that. We all have this chatter going on and. We're sort of either paying attention to some of it's great and some of it is not great. And a lot of it is not even us. It's sort of reinforced mental habits. That we pick up along the way and we just strap on our, you know, our backs and we're just like, okay, I'm gonna carry this.

• 12:44Speaker 01

  And it's a part of me and at some point with the right support system. You get a chance to take a look at that and go, hey, is this like, is this me? It's really me talking or is this like, you know, my community or my experience is talking to me, my. You know, some of my family members and their experiences that they're passing on to me, really speaking. And once I started to realize that I could do that, I realized. How much of it lends itself to my success, my success and my belief in myself. And then also the things that maybe have kept me from. Reaching beyond, you know, my own perceived limitations. And since then, it's been a journey on sort of like picking and choosing and curating.

• 13:28Speaker 01

  You know, what thoughts are mine and which ones I'm just gonna go, okay, I see you. I hear you, but like maybe take a seat, you know, that's young version or, or it's not the updated version of the operating system. Like I know what that was. Okay, cool. So that's where it began for me.

• 13:47Jay Shetty?

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• 14:32Jay Shetty?

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• 15:16Jay Shetty?

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• 16:00Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's beautiful. Thank you for sharing that, man, because hearing you say that, I'm sure a lot of people are listening are like, yes, I've felt that. I know what that feels like. I can connect with that. And I think half the time, because all of us are having those conversations in our head, people aren't even aware, and we think that someone else has it perfect. Or we think that someone else doesn't have that thought. And one of the things I was gonna ask you, because I found this in my community, and I'd love to hear about, because you said your family was supportive, but you talked about your community. Like, I know in the South Asian community that I'm from, and I'm born and raised in London, but the wider community, talking about mental health is not normal. So in the South Asian community, especially as a South Asian man,

• 16:45Jay Shetty?

  no one's ever say, or rarely are people gonna say that I'm struggling with mental health, because it would be seen as a weakness, or it would be as a sign of like a lack of your manliness. How was that in your community? And how did you feel that your family was obviously so supportive? But where was that for you, if you don't mind sharing?

• 17:04Speaker 01

  It's such an interesting thing. I think we're in a point in history where we actually can take our minds off of, in different ways, it's not just about survival. And I think historically, just in human history, you know, I don't think this is like specific to any place or culture, but survival was at the top of everyone's brains. How are we gonna survive? How are we gonna make it to the next day? And just by human culture evolving, we have a little bit more free time, and also this connectivity that we have to see how other people are doing it, living and surviving and thriving, and maybe not thriving or struggling. We're able to sort of gauge like the possibilities.

• 17:48Speaker 01

  So our minds are starting to shift culturally as a human culture, and we have the bandwidth to consider. What does living, what does thriving really mean for me? We're able to actually take our minds off just surviving, which I can relate to. You know, from where I come from, it was about survival. I don't come from a, you know, from a family who is wealthy or anything like that. And so as I've gotten older and again, being able to be in this place in my journey, I can say, okay, I have this bandwidth. Now, what is, what is all of this for? It's a challenge. I think a lot of cultures are starting to see this conversation be a part of it. It's a human culture thing now because we're starting to realize like,

• 18:30Speaker 01

  oh, our, our work to survive is starting to come at the cost of the planet, of each other, of, you know, really being connected, quality of life and these sorts of things. So the more we can take a look inward, which I'm finding, the more we behave, we choose things that are less about survival and more about purpose and more fulfillment. And it is sort of a weird thing. I, I think we're just going through like weird growing pains in like humanity, where all of these different cultures and communities are starting to go, oh, wait. You know, we're sort of dealing with like past experiences. How do we do it better?

• 19:13Speaker 01

  And I think a big part of that is having these mental health conversations, which are not easy.

• 19:18Jay Shetty?

  No, not at all. I loved what you shared about history there because it's, it's almost like survival's like fear-based, right? Survival is all fear-based.

• 19:28Speaker 01

  Right.

• 19:28Jay Shetty?

  And if you're coming from a place of fear, that can be really de-energizing. Right? Like if you've, anyone who's listening or watching back at home right now, and I'm sure Miguel, you've experienced this, like when you're living from a place of fear, in a relationship, in a job, in a professional relationship, whatever it may be, that like completely ruins the energy of this space. Whereas when you're coming, what you said, like from purpose, that's coming from a place of love. Service, that's coming from a place of love. And these are real frequencies, like these are real vibrational energies. Like if you're coming from a place of fear, it's very hard to create anything beautiful or powerful

• 20:11Jay Shetty?

  in your life. And it's so interesting that survival, which is how we're all wired, is from a place of fear. And that's the point that this isn't about you being a good or a bad person, or you being a fearful person. We're coming, we're all trying to unwire the coil that has been there, as Miguel was saying, for history for decades and, you know, thousands of years. And so we're all having to unwire that, right? Like it's it's collective thing.

• 20:39Speaker 01

  Feels like it. Has it been like awkward transition? Because my understanding is that this wasn't always a focus for you. You know, what was your transition into realizing like, hey, like, I can choose like my, I can curate this like, you know, mental, you know, dialogue. Like, was that hard for you as well?

• 20:59Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, so I got really fortunate because I met monks when I was eighteen. So when you're eighteen years old, you know, I wasn't thinking about any of this. I was just enjoying life, growing up in London. It took me a while. I was bullied when I was young for being overweight and a ton of others. And I was the only Indian in my school and that kind of stuff till about the age of fourteen. And then after fifteen, sixteen, I kind of like started getting into my better years. And and so by eighteen, it was like life was really good. And I'd had my my fair share of personal challenges, but overall things were good. But when I met the monks, it was really fascinating for me because I realized when I was eighteen,

• 21:41Jay Shetty?

  I'd met people who were rich, I'd met people who were famous, I'd met people who were beautiful and attractive, and I'd met people who were athletic and smart. But I don't think I'd met anyone who was truly happy. Monks were happy, like they had this, they had joy in their hearts and their minds. And they introduced me to all these practices when I was eighteen. And so then I went off and lived as a monk for three years and I lived in India and across Europe as a monk. And for me, that's where my mind just got opened up to all of these practices. And I was just like, why wasn't I taught this in school? Like, how is this not available to everyone? So for me, I mean, I grew up, like I said, born and raised in London, all the habits

• 22:24Jay Shetty?

  that you'd expect, but life just got shifted because I met people of higher vibration and frequency. And, and that's why I value almost introducing people, even people hearing from you today. By the way, your vibe is so, like even today, just talking to you, I feel so much stillness through the screen. Your presence, and that's you. And so when people get to experience that, they go, ah, that's real. Like, I can feel that, like, that's real. And I think that's what I felt when I met the monks. I was like, oh, there's a whole nother plane here that I don't think about. Like, there is a whole nother level here to life, because I just thought life was go

• 23:06Jay Shetty?

  to college, get a good degree, get a good job, marry someone. Totally derailed that plan. Right. And married and, you know, and that, doing those things. But they gave me the tools that I was desperately seeking. So I hope that answers your question.

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• 24:55Speaker 01

  It's a trippy thing because that's sort of like what we're pro- Again, my father is an immigrant from Mexico. My mother is a black woman. Both of them experienced a very different kind of reality and like what was the goal in life. Yes. I really do believe like it's sort of a weird baton pass. Like when you have, you know, every generation, our family's generation is a- It's an interesting baton pass where they're trying to do better for their family. You know, I'm sure at some point in your family's lineage, they left or were brought or however they got to London, um, they worked hard to make a better life for you. And same thing for me and probably same thing for a lot of the people who are here.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  And you know, now that they had you, raised you, they did as good as they could. And now we're here in this, whatever part of the whole, you know, whatever this is. And we're trying to do it better for our next generation, for our lineage. And I think we're starting to face now less of the survival again part of it. And we're realizing, like you said, there is a whole other plane. We're realizing that it's like when you get around people, and I really appreciate the, you know, you saying about the stillness. It means a lot, man. Because you, obviously, you know, you have that same thing. And we work really hard for that, you know, we really do. Because it's no longer about just making sure that we can provide for our families, that we can do this.

• 26:20Speaker 01

  And it's a blessing to be able to say that we can do that. But realizing that the real quality of life doesn't come from establishing those things. It's sort of like the underlying, you know, whatever piece that you have that makes it like, oh no, like I can actually connect with whatever's happening right now and be all the way here and be like, I'm good. I don't always have that, you know? It's like I still do my like, some days my energy is off and I know that. And I'm working on that, you know? It's a daily struggle, but uh when you know that you can get there,

• 26:59Speaker 01

  that in and of itself, just realizing it is like a big thing. Eighteen, that must have been so sick, man, because you're, you know, you're still placid, like.

• 27:06Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's why I just consider myself lucky and and that's why I wanna open up conversations like this to younger and younger and younger people. And by the way, everyone's young in the sense of even if someone comes to this at sixty or fifty or whatever, it's like it's never too late or there's not like a timeline on it. And so, but I love what you're saying about parents because I often think like, no one ever stopped and asked my parents, how's your mental health?

• 27:33Speaker 01

  Man.

• 27:34Jay Shetty?

  Right? Like, no one ever stopped and asked our parents, like, are you working too hard? Do you need to take a break? Do you need to have a self-care day? Or my parents just work to provide what you're saying, survival.

• 27:45Speaker 01

  Right.

• 27:46Jay Shetty?

  You know, I love what you're saying there because instead of feeling bitterness towards our parents or whatever it may be, we can actually come and ask them for once, hey, Mom, Dad, do you need some help with your mental health? Because they've never been asked that before and we can break the cycle. Like what you were saying, as we pass it on to future generations, we can actually break that cycle of humanity, just thinking about survival versus thinking about uh living from a place of deeper well-being. So I I love that messaging because I think often we can get really bitter or or resentful towards people who may not have helped us, but actually they would never help themselves.

• 28:29Speaker 01

  Ooh, I love that you said that because, you know, I think anyone that's here probably has some interest, I mean, has a general interest in the conversation and must be looking for it, digging for it, working at it themselves. And part of realizing that, you know, we are, we can choose our thoughts, we can really, you know, control and be thoughtful about. Okay, is this me or is this my mind?

• 28:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 28:57Speaker 01

  Make that separation because the mind is built to program. You know, it's like it's to compute to make, you know, help with that. But then like we start to realize through this journey that there's a whole self behind that. There's like a purpose, that's the gut, that's the spirit, however you however. Whatever we're connected to, the bigger thing. And you start to to have compassion for yourself, then you start to look at where everything comes from. And that inevitably takes you to your parents or your role models. And having that conversation like, because I've in my journey, I've, you know, had these conversations with my parents and you know, sometimes the older generations are less open.

• 29:38Speaker 01

  And I I would love to get like any tips or anything like that, that because I think anyone watching would also probably say they they would at some point have or will have wanna have these conversations with whoever their role models raised. Are there any things you found helpful?

• 29:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's wonderful, man. And one thing I always remember is that it's always hard inspire and influence us, those that are closest to us. And the biggest reason we have to realize is sometimes we have to get out of the way of their growth. But the challenge is that when we get a sense of growth, we think we have to get everyone around us to grow. And actually, it's about finding and asking the question, who does that person need to meet? What experience does that person need to have? What experience have they not had yet? Gonna help them naturally come out of themselves. Because you can't force it out of someone and you can't make someone feel awkward and uncomfortable like

• 30:37Jay Shetty?

  none of us would do that. And ask yourself, what was the experience you had? Maybe you listened to a song. Maybe you an interview like this. Maybe you read a book. Maybe you went and did a meditation. Like, what did you have? Remember that someone else may open up to something completely different. It may not be the same thing you opened up to. If it's someone you love, you have to ask yourself, what is it gonna take for them? Like, what experience do they need? And deeply think about that and reflect on it. Then you'll find what it is and then you're introducing them to that. So I meet a lot of parents sometimes and a lot of parents say to me like. Oh, my kids don't listen to me, but they watch your stuff or whatever. Like, can you talk to them? And I'm like, well, none of you introduced me.

• 31:18Jay Shetty?

  And so it's just interesting where you just gotta, I feel like you have to really get close to that person and understand them. But Miguel, I mean, you've been very generous with your time and I want to end with one question. I've loved this, like sharing energy with you and vibration with you has been really special. And I feel a synergy which is really special, but I want to end with this question. What is your message to people for their mental health in 2020? What would you say is your takeaway message for everyone?

• 31:46Speaker 01

  I would say everyone is dealing with a lot.

• 31:53Speaker 01

  If you can have a little bit of patience, if you can make time for yourself and just consider that no one has all the answers and just be compassionate. Make time for yourself and breathe through everything. We absolutely have the fortitude within us to be our best even in the worst. It's not easy. I deal with it every day and I understand that everyone's got their own struggle. But I will say that it is possible. I know it's possible. And I get to talk to people like Jay, I get to talk to you.

• 32:35Speaker 01

  I get to talk to, you know, some of my friends who are also creatives and professionals or whatever and family members. And use, use those support systems, you know, reach out. Hopefully you're okay. If you're not, talk to somebody. It can be okay. Every day is a struggle, but um, we're all here. We're all trying to do it and it is possible and um, love you.

• 32:58Jay Shetty?

  That is beautiful. Everyone, if you don't already uh, follow Miguel from anyone who's tuning in from my side, please go and follow Miguel and. Listeners, incredible music, that's definitely going to help you heal. Miguel's helped us with raising awareness about mental health through his music, through his work, through his life, and learning with sharing insights and ideas that can just help us a little bit. And I hope that you'll tune in every single day. Miguel, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, but we need to make this conversation much longer. And I can't wait to sit down with you, so I'll reach out to you and we'll set something up.

• 33:28Speaker 01

  I look forward to it, my friend.

• 33:30Jay Shetty?

  Thank you so much for listening to this episode. It would mean the world to me if you go and leave a review on iTunes or Spotify or wherever you listen to the podcast. I love seeing what you gain from these episodes. And actually, I'm going to read a few out for you. So this was a review that I just saw. It was left on October 19th. Jay Shetty is a magnificent gift to the world, that's very kind. This podcast is filled with so many golden nuggets of wisdom and very quickly became one of my favorites. I make it a point to listen to it a few times a week, sometimes a few times a day. I'm so grateful for you and I'm so grateful we have access to this information, critical to improving our world. Thank you so much, this is awesome.

• 34:14Jay Shetty?

  I really, really appreciate that review. And here is another one, love. This podcast has been a spiritual seed planted in my heart and mind. Love this podcast and love Jay's book, currently reading. Thank you so much. And this is for a great relationship episode we had recently. I had no idea that I was a scorekeeper, what an awakening. Thank you so much for helping my identity, this major flaw working against my marriage. It was an eye opener. So this was awesome. Thank you so much to every single one of you that left a review. And I hope to see you again next week for another episode of On Purpose.

• 35:10Speaker 02

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• 35:40Speaker 03

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• 35:43Speaker 04

  On October 2nd.

• 35:44Speaker 03

  Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me.

• 35:49Speaker 04

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• 35:56Speaker 05

  What would happen if I stopped drilling? You start, you freeze in there, that's what.

• 36:00Speaker 04

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 36:04Speaker 05

  I'm not the first then.

• 36:05Speaker 04

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