Matthew McConaughey & Jay Shetty ON How To Turn Barriers Into Green Lights & Refuse To Let Challenges Defeat You

Jay Shetty is joined by Matthew McConaughey in this ON Purpose episode to share his wisdom on overcoming the challenges you face in life and turning them into green lights, or a way forward in life. Tune in to learn how reflection and recalibration helped McConaughey overcome multiple life challenges and led him to see the green lights in red-light situations. Learn how you can apply these same techniques to your life. Text Jay: 310-997-4177 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

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• 0:44Jay Shetty?

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• 1:30Jay Shetty?

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• 2:16Jay Shetty?

  And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and is clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1

• 2:59Jay Shetty?

  Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose. Yeah, and the book has that, the book has that moment as you, as you're reflecting or recalibrating on a lot of the themes that are there in the book. And I, I, I was thinking about that the other day that I, I feel, I was talking to someone about it. I was like, I feel that way about both laughter and tears. Like they're, they're almost two things we try and hold back. Like we're like, oh, you can't cry about that or you can't laugh about that. And, and actually sometimes those are the two best things to do about most of those scenarios in life.

• 3:36Speaker 01

  And why not do it more and more? You know, I know we're trying to raise our kids to say, hey, you know, I tell them a story and this is part of why I got into, went into, finally went to film school in college. I started keeping a diary because I would go to the theater and it'd be a packed house. And I would laugh at the joke that nobody else in the theater laughed at. The whole theater would laugh at the joke that I was like, I didn't think that was funny. I was finding I was not crying when people, someone close died, I was crying when someone was born. And I was going, is this okay? Am I weird? Am I off? And I was like, no, don't lean into that. It's okay. And let's start writing these things down about how you feel about particular situations.

• 4:21Speaker 01

  Matthew. And, and started to write those down and then find some confidence to go, that's okay. Talk to my parents, talk to friends about them. They were like, no, that's different, but that's, you know, keep writing down those unique sides of yourself. And that, that's a good point. We try to raise our kids, hey, laugh, cry, whenever. It's come on, let, let it out, let it be part of the conversation. It goes along with, people say, oh, don't, you know, that old adage, don't talk to yourself.

• 4:43Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  No, do talk to yourself. Just remember to answer. Talk to yourself all you want. Just answer.

• 4:50Jay Shetty?

  I love that. Just answer. That's true. That's a great way of putting it. Yeah. And actually, that's half the challenge, right? Like, all of these, like, old kind of rules or statements, or whatever it may be, kind of block that thinking. But what you were doing by writing it down, and I love that, and I love how much of the book is like, literally looks like scribbles of your writing in your journals and your annotation, which I get fascinated by. But that was you. When you talk about the concept of knowing who you are is hard, and eliminating who you're not first, it's when you start writing these things down that you start constructing who you are and deconstructing who you're not.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  Yes, that was it. And it was, look, I look at my early diaries. I was writing when I first started, like, fifteen, right before I started writing those things down, like, you know, a theater of how my personal response was to situations. When do most of us go to a diary? When we're having problems? Dear diary, so and so broke up with me. It broke my heart. The stuff I won't say to anybody else is just between me and you. Hard times. Early twenties, I started to notice that when I would find my groove and get rolling on something and was successful, and was waking up in the morning, looking forward to heading out into the day, and having good human interactions with people, and was succeeding at school. I was like, you hadn't written in your diary in a while.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  Just like, when do we pray? Usually when we're in trouble. You gotta say, well, all right, I've been dissecting my failures. I think I need to start writing stuff down to make sure I take the time to write stuff down when things are going well, so I can dissect my successes in the hopes that when I get into another rut again in the future, which I will, I can go back to my diaries and go, what were my habits back then when I felt like I was rolling? And you can find a bit of science to that satisfaction. It can be who you're hanging out with, where you were going, how late you were staying up, what you were eating. You know what I mean? It can be all kinds of things. You can find a science to, oh, I'm gonna get back in that groove again. And it can help nudge you back. It's never the same, but it can help get you back in your lane.

• 6:59Speaker 01

  So, you know, this identity, who are you? It's a tough question to answer. What is easier and more fun is to go, all right, if I'm not sure who I am, let me answer who I'm not. What are those people, places and things that are giving me a hangover or not feeding me back or not bringing out my truest self? Well, you know what? I'm gonna eliminate those from my life. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm getting rid of where I don't wanna be anymore. And by process of elimination, you end up with more things that will feed you and feed your good wolf right in front of you because you've eliminated the things that were feeding the bad wolf.

• 7:32Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's brilliant. You've reminded me, I believe I came across it when I was looking at Christianity and I'd heard it, and it was a statement of like, you know, "Don't make God or the Bible your spare tire, make it your steering wheel," right? Like that kind of way of thinking about it, like, you know, it's not just for a bad time. And I love what you're saying there because you're spot on that we struggle to get into a groove again because we forget what we did when things were good, because we never think about it.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  And when it's going good, you think you're never gonna forget it because you think, "Oh, this is it. This is the mean. This is how it'll always be. Uh-uh. Trust it. That hill's coming."

• 8:08Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and we remember the bad times more than the good times because when something good is happening, we celebrate for a day, and when something bad's happening, we cry for a month. And we get so immersed in that pain that you remember that pain. You have a good memory for pain, but we don't necessarily have a memory for movement and joy and growth.

• 8:28Speaker 01

  Pleasure and success and those things, yeah. And I know, I have to watch this with me, when things are going really well, I'm like, "Aha, this, as I said, this is the mean. This is as it should be, and you can just sustain this. And if it goes below this, that's a debit. But it should always be this, and it's just not fair to ourselves or anyone else because either we're gonna create our own crisis for ourselves, or the world's gonna give us one that we didn't ask for, and we're gonna have to adapt to something and be beneath that mean again. And it's good to have a little map, if you can, of, "Wait, where was I? Where's my head? Where's my heart? How aligned were they?"

• 9:09Speaker 01

  In the decisions and choices I was making when I felt like life was one big green light. And you can go back and you can see how you can engineer them by our habits.

• 9:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's it's like, I mean, using your beautiful metaphor, it's like remembering a route or a path to somewhere. Like when you knew you found that really cool path up that really beautiful road and it was quicker and faster. And if you never wrote it down, you just forget it. But tell us, you you said like, we all have three choices. You were like, persist, pivot or concede. How have you? How have you decided in your life when to persist, when to pivot and when to concede? Because and tell us, share some examples for those that you think would help people understand.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  Let's bring up a situation. And if you can think of one, shoot it at me. We can, we can deconstruct these three on that.

• 9:54Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, well, maybe growing up to become a lawyer, like, you know, you thought you wanted to become a lawyer. That may be one.

• 9:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, so I thought I want to become a lawyer. That was, that was the in-house, in-family credo. That was it. I was a great debater. I would win arguments. I could, I, I was tireless in them. I was in school debate in high school. This is it. Family business going well. Shoot, the joke was you go become that you'll defend the family's business, Matthew. Go ahead. Great. I'm heading off. Great idea. I go to University of Texas, headed towards law school. Well, the first two years of school, what are you taking? You're taking liberal arts, filling out some credits. After that sophomore year, you better start knowing where you want to go because you those credits, you have to, they have to fill fulfill the direction you're heading. And if you switch your majors, junior, senior, you can lose credits. Well, I was not sleeping well with the idea that I got to finish school here. Then I got to go to law school. Then I got to try to get a job.

• 10:44Speaker 01

  And then if I'm a practicing lawyer, I'm really not making a mark or experiencing anything until I'm in my 30s. I said, I really don't, I'm not excited about the idea of spending my 30s getting educated in a classroom about something before I can actually practically experience it. So.

• 11:00Speaker 01

  I had been writing, as you know, and I started sharing those writings with a friend of mine who was at NYU Film School. His name's Rob Benler. He said the writings were good. And he also said, you know what? You've got great character and confidence. You should think about it in front of the camera, too. Well, that part I kind of was too, didn't have the courage to even embrace the idea of being in front of the camera. It was too avant-garde. I came from a blue collar, work your way up. You had to be an actor. I mean, that's like, that's so European, you know what I mean? Or whatever. So, whoa, what is that? That'll never fly. But I could grasp the idea that I'll go, I want to go be a storyteller behind the camera. Now I gotta call dad, mom, who are paying my schooling

• 11:42Speaker 01

  for this. Um, I gotta pivot. All right. Now, I could have kept my head down and just gone, no, this is just a pipe dream you got right now. Lawyer will work. Just follow it through. You'll be a damn good lawyer, which I believe I would have been. I could have persisted. But I said, no, I gotta, I gotta pivot here. Now, how do I pivot here? I gotta get the approval of mom and dad, especially dad. And I don't think this is gonna go over well with him. So let me make a plan, how to re-approach this situation.

• 12:09Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We talk a lot about intentional decision-making, and that extends to the practical stuff, too, like making sure your coverage actually works for your life. State Farm is there to meet you where you are, and they know how sweet it is to feel good about your decisions. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. This episode is brought to you by Whole Foods Market. If you're talking about quality food, you can't forget Whole Foods Market, who've been holding themselves to the highest standards since they opened in 1980.

• 12:56Jay Shetty?

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• 13:38Jay Shetty?

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• 14:22Speaker 01

  I'm gonna call him, Tuesday night, 7.30. He'll be home from work, he'll have had dinner, he'll be having a beer on the couch with mom, he'll be in a great mood. He'll be able to digest this, this question better. I call him up and I said, "Papa", I said, "He goes, 'Hey little buddy'". I said, "Dad, I don't wanna go to law school more, I wanna go to film school." And I hear this pause, five seconds. Then I hear this voice, "Well, son, you sure that's what you wanna do?" I said, "Yes, sir." Another pause for five seconds. And then I heard three words that were a launchpad for me, coming from my dad at that time.

• 14:57Speaker 01

  Couldn't have said anything better, and I did not expect this. Three words were, oh, don't half ass it. Oh, thank you. Not only did you approve, you shot me out of a shotgun and said, this is more than a privilege. You got your freedom here and you better do a damn good job at it. Whoa, it was freedom and I was off. Went to film school, got confidence in telling stories, started working in front of the camera. And here I sit, whatever, 20, 30 years later. So I made a pivot at that time because the idea of continuing on to go down the path of being a lawyer, just it wasn't, I wasn't sleeping well. It's always a good way for me to explain to them, how are you sleeping with it?

• 15:41Speaker 01

  What's waking you up at night? The idea of doing it or the idea of losing or missing it? It's a good way to measure kind of choices we got, we want to make in life. Well, you know, I do it with scripts all the time. I really want to do this. Well, let me sleep with, with the fact that I am going to do it for two weeks. And I'm going to see what wakes me up at night. Am I waking up because I'm going, oh, man, I'm not sure if I trust that director or that script? Now I'm going to sleep with the fact that I'm not doing this. Now what keeps me up at night? Waking up going, no, I've got to do that project. I can't go without it. It's a good measuring stick for going, well, I think I'm going to do it. You know what I mean? So what, I wasn't sleeping well with the idea of being a lawyer. It would have, things would have worked out in another way and probably okay if I would have done that.

• 16:25Speaker 01

  But my soul was itching and I was uncomfortable and I made a pivot at that time.

• 16:31Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's, that's a great one. Everyone who's listening and watching right now, I literally want you to write these two things down because these are practical things that you can do. And I know that my community loves stuff that they can actually do. The first one here was write down your wins, write down those grooves, write down when things are going in the right direction, the green lights and what's going right and how you're doing it, who you're around, what's happening. And the second one here, I love this piece of advice, like sleep with it as if you are going to do it. Right? Or sleep with it as if you're not going to do it. Like both of those are great. Yeah, great ways of testing which one you woke up feeling more excited about or nervous about or anxious about and what part of it like, that's such a, I love that. Like that's so practical. I've never, I've never thought about it like that. And I think I'm gonna, I'm gonna play with that one too.

• 17:16Speaker 01

  It's a cool decision-making paradigm if you can give yourself enough time to really commit your mind like, I'm doing this. And you will start to realize, well, what does that mean for the next six months of my life, the next year? What am I going to miss out on? Or God, are you, are you thinking about everything you're going to do with that? And it's more of a reason it's waking up at night because you just can't wait to get up and work on it. That's another thing to saying, yeah, you probably, I'll do it. There's, there's good scared and there's bad scared, you know?

• 17:42Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 17:43Speaker 01

  It's nice to go in any situation and be scared, but you let your spider sense say, wait, am I, am I scared because this is a great challenge and I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I'm got the courage to dive in? Or am I scared because the pedigree around it isn't maybe up to the excellence that I want? And that's another kind of scared. You're like, I need to listen to that. Maybe that's a reason not to do it.

• 18:03Jay Shetty?

  Yes. Yes. Yeah. I love that distinction between the two. And that links nicely to one of the other quotes that stuck out to me in the book where you were like, you know, when you can, ask yourself if you want to before you do. And I thought, I was like, yeah, that's, that's real right there because there's a lot of things. And, and actually, it's one of the biggest things I hear a lot of is, I'm always encouraging people to move towards their, their purpose and things that fulfill them and, and, and moving in that direction and pivoting as you did. And, and a big part of that question is, but I can do so many things, right? And that's a common thing where people are like, oh, but I could do every, I could do this, I could do that, I could do this. But you have this really distinction. Ask yourself if you want to walk us through that and why that was such an important one to write down and push out.

• 18:46Speaker 01

  Well, it, it worked its way into a nice little limerick riddle as it laid out. And it's got, you know, there's different ways to look at the, the, the line. Um, look, too many options can make tyrants of all of us, you know?

• 19:01Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 19:01Speaker 01

  The devil's in the yeses more than the no's. You know what I mean?

• 19:06Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 19:06Speaker 01

  I mean, I've been there where, let's say me, you know, after I got famous in The Time to Kill, my life did a 180. The Friday before Time to Kill came out, there were a hundred scripts I wanted to do and would have done anything to do them. But ninety-nine were no, you cannot do them. And one of them was yes. Well, over one weekend, I got a movie that does well, Time to Kill. That Monday, out of those hundred scripts, all of a sudden, it was ninety-nine, or yes, they're yours. Go for it, please. They're all green lights. Please do them. One of them's no. And I'm going, whoa, wait a minute. In a matter of seventy-two hours, I, three days ago, would have done any of this and couldn't do any. And now you're telling me I can do all of them?

• 19:52Speaker 01

  Well, like, all of them look great. I mean, you're asking me to be discerning right now and to ask inside my soul, when my head is just spinning, going, wait a minute, two days ago, I would have done any of these. How do I know what I want to do? I want to do all of them. But wait, Matthew, there's only twenty-four hours in the day. I know, but I need ninety hours in today. Anybody giving that? Nope, they're not giving that. Still twenty-four hours in the day. Uh, what I gotta do? Well, for me, I had to get the hell out of Dodge, get out of Hollywood and go hear myself think. Let my, let my memories catch up. Let my brain get reconnected to my heart and soul and get an auto bond in there. Because at the moment, at that time, there was a, there was a one-lane gravel road and it was bumpy driving, you know, between the old head and the head and the heart.

• 20:33Speaker 01

  So I took off and had to go listen to, try to listen to myself and get some, just, you know, some sort of demarcations between all this frequency of options that were now on top of me.

• 20:48Speaker 01

  I don't know if that answers your question.

• 20:51Jay Shetty?

  It does. It does. It does. I was gonna follow it up with, what's the hardest no you think you've ever had to say? Like, what was like the one which you were like, this was like, this challenged me where I, I wanted to say yes, but, but I had to follow my own advice and say no.

• 21:07Speaker 01

  Well, the hardest no for me, and I'll base this on career, was about fourteen years ago, and the story's in the book, when I was Rom com king.

• 21:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah.

• 21:20Speaker 01

  Um, they were fun. They were easy. I loved doing them. I was getting paid big bank for doing them.

• 21:27Jay Shetty?

  We missed them. My wife does for sure.

• 21:29Speaker 01

  You know, I mean, maybe I still got another good one in me, in me out there. Um, they were making money for the studios. I was the go to rom com guy. And like I said, they were Saturday characters. They were easy. There was nothing wrong with that. But I was feeling very vital in my life. I had a newborn son. I'd met the woman that I'm now married to. And I, I loved harder. I, I, I, I was, could get angrier harder. I laughed louder. I, my life was like vital. And I was like, boy, my, my, my, my life's so much more vital than my work. I wish I could find some characters that would challenge the vitality of my own life, the man I'm in, the man I am in the life I'm living.

• 22:13Speaker 01

  So I wanted dramas. I was looking for these dramas, but those dramas weren't coming. So this goes back to process of elimination. If I can't get what it is I want to do, I'm going to stop doing what it is I've been doing. That's not filling me up.

• 22:26Jay Shetty?

  Right.

• 22:27Speaker 01

  So I made a staunch stance and said, I'm not going to do the rom coms anymore. I'm not doing the action adventures.

• 22:33Speaker 02

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• 23:03Speaker 01

  Well, guess what? If you're not going to do those, you may not be working for a while. And that was true. For 20 months, I didn't work.

• 23:13Jay Shetty?

  It's a long time.

• 23:14Speaker 01

  Fifteen of those 20 months, I got offered zero, not a zilch. I was gone. I thought Hollywood may have forgot about me. So it was a big no, the hardest no, because I'm sitting there this time getting offered fifteen million dollar offers for well-written, cool romantic comedies. I'm like, they're pretty damn good. And by the way, it's even better, the version at fifteen million dollars is a better script than the one that was offered at eight million dollars, even though they were the same words. I was like, you know, so I looked at those things, but I said, no, I made this choice with myself. I made this choice with God. I made this choice with my wife, Camilla. My family knows about it. I really need to go through this dry period.

• 23:58Speaker 01

  I don't know how long it's gonna last. I gotta hang on to the belief that if it's to be, something will come up. The work I want to find will come up and find me. And sure as heck, twenty months into it, all of a sudden, I was a new good idea. So I had an unbranding two-year phase. I didn't rebrand, I unbranded. I was gone. I wasn't in the rom-coms. You didn't see me on the beach without a shirt. Where's McConaughey? I don't know. He's forgotten. Forget it. Don't even send him another script, because he's not gonna do it. It's a rom-com. All of a sudden, someone's going, you know what would be good for Killer Joe, Magic Mike, Mud, True Detective, Dallas Buyers Club? McConaughey'd be a good idea. It's kind of an interesting, it's a novel idea now. It wasn't novel two years before.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  You know, so that was a big time where I dug my heels in and said, no.

• 24:45Speaker 01

  Eliminated what it was I was doing to then find and be found and offered what it is I wanted to do and who I wanted to become.

• 24:53Jay Shetty?

  That's a great connection to that answer. Like, I wasn't thinking of that when I said that. That's a, that's a, that's a great connection to that, because almost unbranding or unlearning or almost like you said, disappearing is, is the hardest way of refining your identity, because you don't know what the next step is. So there's a leap in that darkness, there's that.

• 25:16Speaker 01

  Consciously and deliberately and intentionally throwing yourself into limbo.

• 25:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 25:21Speaker 01

  Which is the worst thing. We're all in a certain limbo right now. It's the most uncomfortable part. It's part of the reason our country's divided so wide right now because people need purpose, identity and something to cling on to. So they're clinging on to the fringes just to have a sense of, okay, at least I'm about something. I don't know if I agree with it's about, but at least I'm about something.

• 25:40Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 25:40Speaker 01

  Yeah. And it's, it's, it's, you're throwing yourself into a limbo. And then, look, I had help. I had, I had a great wife next to me helping me out. I had a newborn son, which was my North Star compass every day. Every time I get antsy, what am I doing? I have no significance in my life. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I was like, well, look at, look at your family. Look at that young, look at that young man right there that you were part of creating and that you can raise as a father. It's a brand new day for him every single day. Let's try and see what he's seen or put things in front of him that are gonna make him go, ah, I like this next day. So that was, that was, that gave me an anchor during that time when I was getting, when I was, had some times of being quite wobbly.

• 26:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. No, that's, that's beautiful, man. I, I think that that is, is a great lesson for all of us. And it's so funny that, you know, when I was reading your book and literally in the last couple of weeks, I've been talking to my team because I've been coming off, like I was saying to you earlier, my, my book space. And, and I was looking at 2021 and, and I was kind of having this moment where I was like, and it's, it literally timed when I was reading your book. I was like, I need to start saying no next year. Like, that's my next challenge. Like, my challenge next year is to go deeper in what I've committed to and do it better and, and go into just immersing myself into it rather than trying to do every, you know, trying to do all these things where at one point in my life, it was really important that I was trying to do a lot of things and, and now.

• 27:05Speaker 01

  Well, you're probably being offered to do things you've never been able to offer to do before.

• 27:09Jay Shetty?

  Totally. And, and it's like.

• 27:10Speaker 01

  Yeah. Please. Thank you. I'd love to.

• 27:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 27:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:13Jay Shetty?

  And, and I'm literally in that, I'm in that phase of my life right now, in, in this phase of it, where I'm like, okay, well, actually I, I need to stop that. So it, it just came so perfectly timed. And it was so interesting. I was saying to someone the other day, I was like, there's all these opportunities, but you know, it's not gonna work if I, if I just keep chasing them. And I loved how you brought that back to relationships. Because this, this part of it, I think, and, and you know, the relationship you have with your, your, your kids, your, your wife is beautiful, but it's like. It's it's really interesting the way you explain it like the arrow doesn't seek the target. The target draws the arrow. And and you said that you weren't even in a space where you were seeking partnership. You weren't even you weren't even looking for it.

• 27:55Jay Shetty?

  And I think this is, you know, when you just said that, like, even though I didn't know what was next and I unbranded myself, but I had my son and I could look at what I'd created. I think for a lot of people, they're struggling because even their relationship world is in limbo. Whether they don't have the right partner or they they don't have a partner and and, you know, their work life's kind of going, but they don't have that. Where was it for you where you felt you attracted your wife? Like, where where did that come from?

• 28:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, so I, um, you know, we all have our biological clock and our idea when we're younger, when do we see ourselves, you know, having a meeting that that woman or that man and then having a family, you know? And then those years come up on us. I I I'd never really been a time clock keeper. Um, but subconsciously, I I I was at a time in my life where I sure as heck didn't want to date anybody unless I thought it had possibilities of becoming a full, true, long-term relationship.

• 28:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 28:57Speaker 01

  I didn't want to, I wasn't wanting to waste my time dating someone unless that potential was there. Um, and if there wasn't, you know, it's time for us to move on and we had some amiable breakups with some wonderful women that we just both saw, hey, this is not gonna, we both, we both want to find the one that we have more potential, we've gotten to a point as far as I think we can go. So, you know, um, but I did find myself looking. I found myself in the produce section at the store, looking down, wondering if she's gonna ring her finger. I wonder maybe I'll say hi to her. I was I was looking, you know, at the red light, at the, at a club or a bar or a friend would introduce.

• 29:38Speaker 01

  And what I did in my own thoughts and meditation and prayers on what came to me was, it's okay. Matthew, don't try so hard to find the right woman to start a family. I know everything you've always, the one thing you've only known you ever wanted to be was a father, but you don't, don't try so hard to find the right woman to get married. You might end up an eighty-eight-year-old bachelor with a bunch of kids, and I'm not gonna judge you on that, but quit trying to make it happen. And soon as I quit trying to make it happen, and what I was out and not sort of measuring women, like maybe it's a possibility, maybe not objectifying, well, I don't know. I was more present, I was more fun, I was more me.

• 30:19Speaker 01

  And soon as I quit looking, that's when she came. Not the same way I did, but when she showed up and I saw her now, my now, I'm moving across the room, uh, right to left in my eye line, and I remember I saw this woman and, and, and under my breath to myself, I said, "What is that?" I didn't say, "Who is it?" I said, "What is that?" I got up, introduced myself, spoke the best Spanish I've ever spoken. I've never spoken that good a Spanish since. And since that night I met her, there's never been another woman I wanted to, to go on a date with, uh, spend a night with, uh, anything. And she's now mother of three of our children, and, and we've been married now for,

• 31:03Speaker 01

  shoot, what are we coming on, um, eight, nine years? And that's when I was able to found, to find her. That's when I was able enough, it goes back to a little, one of those earlier lessons with my father moving on, be less impressed, more involved.

• 31:17Jay Shetty?

  Yes, yes.

• 31:18Speaker 01

  That's when I was, I was comfortable to be myself and, and give, give her her space, because I wasn't like trying to dissect, wait, are you the one? I wasn't playing, I wasn't measuring her. I was able to be myself, hold my own constitution. She was able to be herself, and we naturally came together. So it drew the, I, the, the, uh, the target drew the arrow when I quit looking. I then, that's when I found the one for me.

• 31:45Jay Shetty?

  After us, do you dream a lot, Matthew? Do you remember your dreams a lot when you dream like?

• 31:49Speaker 01

  Well, I remember ones like that. Look, I have, I, I do dream a lot, um, and like most people, most dreams, I forget most of them, but... I have had a few that are consistent, that have been recurring dreams. And when I have a recurring dream that is note for note, shot for shot, exactly the same dream, I take that as a sign, celestial suggestion at least, that my subconscious is trying to tell me something, or my God is trying to tell me something. And I try to back up and go, okay, I need to listen to this. And you can't go to someone else for advice about it, because it's only your dream, and it was a dream. So you have to really go, how much merit do I give this?

• 32:33Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 32:34Speaker 01

  You know, and you were talking about it earlier. The truths, sometimes we don't, we miss the green lights around us. They're there.

• 32:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 32:41Speaker 01

  Are we in a place to receive them? Are we in a place to be patient enough to make them personal? And see why they came to us? Then, are we courageous enough to act on them? And preserve them? And make them part of our daily habits and inner being?

• 32:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 32:58Speaker 01

  They come around all the time. And as you know, you can't listen to every sign.

• 33:02Jay Shetty?

  No.

• 33:02Speaker 01

  Or you're running circles, you know? I've done that before.

• 33:05Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 33:05Speaker 01

  And everything, you know, you're seeing art everywhere. Oh, my gosh, I got that quote in there about a man full of ideas needs to be, needs some starvation. A man full of truths needs to be fed. Well, I've had those times when I'm full of so many ideas, every, I'm inspired everywhere. And I'm going, I gotta cut some of this out, because there's too much inspiration.

• 33:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 33:21Speaker 01

  I can't focus there, it's a shotgun spread, and I need a rifle here. Um, and at the same time, you don't want to be so closed up that you're missing them. Or you let them pass, and you don't give them credit when they, when they come.

• 33:33Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 33:33Speaker 01

  You know?

• 33:34Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah. You, one of your dreams, obviously, not, not a dream while you were asleep, was to become a father. Like, that's always been a big thing for you. What was it that you dreamed of about being a father that you looked forward to so much? And how is it being un, like, how has that been completely surpassed in reality?

• 33:50Speaker 01

  Yeah. So.

• 33:51Jay Shetty?

  Because I'm not a father yet, so, so I'm.

• 33:53Speaker 01

  You're not?

• 33:54Jay Shetty?

  I'm not yet, not yet, yeah, so.

• 33:56Speaker 01

  Well, so, I remember when I was eight years old, this, having this romantic realization that the reason my dad wanted me to call the men that he would introduce to me, sir, and shake their hand and look them in the eye, which I was looking up at their eye as a young eight-year-old boy. It came to me that, what's the one consistency? In all these men, that I am giving them the respect of, yes, sir? Why am I calling them sir?

• 34:22Speaker 01

  Because they're fathers.

• 34:23Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 34:24Speaker 01

  And I remembered eight years old going, oh, that's it. That's when you've made it. That's success. As a male on earth to become a father to to me, that was like ta-da, one day. Then you've made it, Matt. That was always very clear to me since I was eight years old. And the one thing I always knew I wanted to be. Now I have children, you'll have the first if and when you do have. I write about in the book, the first six months after you have your firstborn. Don't double down, triple down on any instinct you have. Man is never more masculine and clear. The man's heart and head and spirit are never more aligned than right after he has firstborn.

• 35:08Speaker 01

  Triple down on any instincts you've got, career wise, relationship wise, everything. You're in the zone.

• 35:13Jay Shetty?

  Good to know.

• 35:13Speaker 01

  Um, and so then you have them, the, the, the thing that. One of the surprising things and all parents, I think, know this is that. Before having children, I thought it was more about environment than it was DNA. You have children and you realize really, no, it's more about biology than I thought. They kind of are who they are. I can nudge them and shepherd them and move them their way and put in front of them what turns them on and try to keep them from. From dangerous harm, but they are who they are. Um, the best thing that I didn't notice about having children before I had children is that now I'm immortal.

• 35:50Speaker 01

  Immortal. Hopefully they have kids and that's the lineage. So now when whatever perceivable shadow we leave when we're gone.

• 36:02Speaker 01

  That's my shit, that's the shadow I want to leave. That's the shadow that will keep me alive forever. That's the just keep living shadow right there. You become immortal when you become a father or a parent, a mother becomes immortal.

• 36:13Jay Shetty?

  Hmm, that's great. That's great advice. That's, that's beautiful. What's, what's a skill or a, what's, what's a skill or a quality that you think you're most wanting to see them develop? They or, or, or, and, and vice versa, what's something that you think they've taught you about yourself that?

• 36:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:29Jay Shetty?

  You didn't expect?

• 36:31Speaker 01

  Um.

• 36:33Speaker 01

  I, Camila and I are trying, hoping to raise them, whatever they individually, uh, know in individual ways, to be conscientious, autonomous and confident people.

• 36:53Speaker 01

  We value family, we also value self-reliance.

• 36:59Speaker 01

  I wanna, you know, and you'll see if and when you become a parent, you, you, you, you have to measure. Kids aren't afraid to fall, fall off out of a tree until they fall. So how high on that limb do you let them go before telling them, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, come down, down?

• 37:16Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 37:16Speaker 01

  Because for the first time when you do that, they're like, what? What's the big, and all of a sudden they get nervous.

• 37:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 37:21Speaker 01

  So you measure in life, and it's a metaphor, the tree limb, but you measure, well, I'm gonna be cool. Because if they fall from that one, they may just scrape their arm and bruise themselves and that, that'll be worth it. I don't wanna, I don't wanna ruin the innocence and purity that they have. Then all of a sudden they get up to them tall and feel like, dude, if they fell from that, that's, we're going to the hospital. I think I may need to tell them to come on down, but for the first time, you're gonna make them conscious.

• 37:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 37:42Speaker 01

  They're gonna have to put on the fig leaf.

• 37:43Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 37:44Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? Um, so to measure that and let them negotiate situations on themselves, for themselves. Let them, the three of, don't interrupt every time the three of them are arguing or they're arguing with their friends. Let them negotiate. That's real life. They're gonna get out. The world's not just gonna lay out a carpet for them.

• 38:03Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 38:04Speaker 01

  In my life, we're an affluent family. I wanna give my children a lot of them to own up to where the affluence that we have, but damn sure not rely on it.

• 38:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 38:14Speaker 01

  And then also, how do we define success? It's a very interesting thing. Look up the earliest Webster dictionary version of success to today's version of success. Today is about, it mentions like fame and money and all these things. And the original version talks about integrity. And, and, and so, so what is success? What do we, what do, what do they wanna be relevant for? They're all three very kind. Children, some more, one of them's more conscientious than the other two. One of them's the comedic relief in the family, but smart as whip. The other one is very creative, but doggone it, doesn't know where she put her glasses and they're on her face.

• 38:56Speaker 01

  The other one, when you're looking for your glasses, she reminds you, he reminds you they're on your face. You know what I mean? So there are different, some of them are very practical at times, some of them are very whimsical. They're all very, very kind. And I hope they're conscientious, autonomous and confident with who they are. And have the ability to, you know, we still say, we never, we never say, don't talk to strangers. No, we travel the world and we're like, yes, go introduce yourself, go ask them. No, no, no, I'm not gonna do it for you. Go, I'll be over there watching. Engage, the world's a good place, there's evil in it. We have to, but I don't wanna, don't wanna get you gun shy about the harms in the world before, you know, you realize some of them yourself.

• 39:41Speaker 01

  And let them engage in some where they may have the bruise or the scrape. I don't wanna engage in the ones that send them to the hospital. Of course. But engage in the ones that you come away going, ow, that didn't feel like what I thought. As I said, don't, now you know, you know? So selfish, you know, well, that's another thing. I can get into what I feel about that word selfish and unpack that, because I'm a fan of that word. Yeah, go for it. Because the most selfish is actually being the most selfless.

• 40:13Speaker 01

  People, you know, look at what we're in now and all the change we're going through. I don't know how to make systemic change, I don't know how to write policy.

• 40:22Speaker 01

  But each one of us know how to look ourselves in the mirror and say, how can I do a little bit better? Yeah. How can I value values a little bit more for myself? And if I do that, you do that, and another person listening does that, all of a sudden. We start forming a collective and that collective will be better.

• 40:38Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  It will be a more valuable society.

• 40:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 40:41Speaker 01

  So what is that spot where the choice, I call it the egotistical utilitarian. Where's that spot where the choices we make for us, yes, I'm doing this for me. My ego wants to do this. Where does that I meet the we?

• 40:53Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 40:53Speaker 01

  Where does the want meet the need and the need meet the want?

• 40:56Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 40:57Speaker 01

  Where do we look as good as we feel and feel as good as we look? You know what I mean? Where do those overlap? And that seems to me to be the honey hole.

• 41:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 41:05Speaker 01

  That I'm trying to unpack and continually chase, knowing

• 41:11Speaker 01

  I'm never gonna get there. But I think that's what it's about.

• 41:15Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 41:16Speaker 01

  Chasing yet. That's what our lives are about. That's what America's about. You know, it's an aspiration. And if we have the will and the want to go, you know what? I want to incrementally, I incrementally believe life is, can have an evolutionary small ascension. But things can improve just a little bit. Or what the hell are we growing older for? What's experience for? If we're not, you know, if there's not at least a little ascension. Um, and keep chasing that, stay in the race, commit to the chase of that. And that is as close to destination as we get, you know? Again, maybe it'll be realized two generations later. You know?

• 41:54Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, there's a few things in there. The, uh, there's a Sanskrit word called Dharma, which, which has lots of translations, but one of them is, is purpose. And, and purpose is seen as the meshing of passion and compassion. And so what you were saying there of like that understanding of like, you know, that egotistic utilitarian of like, you know, where is it that I feel like I'm winning and we're winning like, and it's, and it's having an impact. Like, because you're not gonna find it in either or. Like, if you get obsessed with just your egotistical pursuits, we all know where that goes. And if you just get obsessed with trying to make a difference and trying to serve, but you don't feel like you're playing your part in a way that fulfills you, it's, you know, you, it's unsustainable too.

• 42:38Jay Shetty?

  And the point you were saying about, yeah, the point you were saying about children. Yeah. The point, the point you were saying about children too, I, I found that really interesting because something I always kind of wonder about before I have kids is like fragility. And like, what is my fragility, uh, barrier or limit for my kids? Because what you're saying there is like, We reflect our fragilities and insecurities onto them. And, and, and I remember I had a, I had, I had a couple of friends who I remember their, their daughter, probably, I don't know, like two years old, was like on the other side of the room. And there were candles there and she was just playing with the candles, like her hands were over the fire and, and my, and I don't have kids, but my instinctual response was like, guys, she's gonna burn herself. Like, we need to go save her.

• 43:22Jay Shetty?

  And they were like, no, no, like that was their limit. Like they were like, no, let her play with the fire. It's only a tiny candle. If she hurts herself, she'll know, she'll, and I was like, wow, like, you know, I'm not recommending that. I'm just saying.

• 43:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, yeah, I mean, she'll go out, she'll remove her hand from the fire before she's actually really burned. And she'll know from then on that that glowing thing is hot.

• 43:47Speaker 01

  And it won't, you know, it won't do it again. Usually won't do it again.

• 43:49Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 43:49Speaker 01

  And, you know, we don't, we don't, we can be told what to do. We can be taught what to do. People can give us advice, but really, we don't like to be told what to do.

• 43:57Jay Shetty?

  No.

• 43:58Speaker 01

  Nobody does. Kids don't even like to be told what to do.

• 44:01Jay Shetty?

  No one does.

• 44:02Speaker 01

  If you go experience something and you have a parent or you have friends that let you go, give it a shot, maybe you can pull it off. I didn't pull it off. I wasn't able to pull it off. Sometimes you'll see them pull off stuff. You're like, oh, you just changed my reality.

• 44:14Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 44:14Speaker 01

  I couldn't pull that off, but you did.

• 44:16Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 44:17Speaker 01

  You can jump further. I didn't think you could make it over that creek and you did. Whoa, bravo. Okay. You've re, redefined uh the, my measuring paradigm for the situation now. Um, so sometimes they can surprise us.

• 44:30Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 44:30Speaker 01

  Cause they have a more, they have a talent, more of a talent for something than, than we ourselves do.

• 44:34Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 44:35Speaker 01

  Um, the other thing to answer that question about what have they taught me? You know, when we first had kids, before we had kids, Camilla said to me, one condition.

• 44:49Speaker 01

  So what's that? She goes, you go, we go. Which means my work takes me all over the world. And up to that point, I'd always gone off on my own, lived in my airstream trailer with my dog. I don't go out on school nights. I go to work in the morning. I come home, fix my meal, have a drink, study tomorrow's work, go to bed, over and over and over. I don't see anybody, nothing. Also, I'm like, my family there, wait, I can't be an artist with my family there. But of course, the good, the good voice, the smart voice, my other ear said, you better say yes, ma'am, right now. Yes, ma'am. Anyway, it turned out to be the most wonderful thing for creativity as well.

• 45:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 45:27Speaker 01

  When I'm doing, as you know, I've done a lot of hardcore dramas that happen to be like R rated, that my kids cannot see. But how it's been great for me when I come home to my kids, five year olds, so what's this, what's this movie about?

• 45:40Speaker 01

  And I've got to tell them in the version that can make it sound fabelic, or make it sound where they're with it, and they think it sounds really, really cool and interesting. In a G rated way. So that's been really good for my creativity to answer those simple questions from my kids when I get home from work. Or why are you doing this job? Why, why, why are you taking this role? Uh, great. Thank you for asking me that. Let me see if I can give you a satisfactory answer. And if I can't, it's another measurement that we see earlier. Well, maybe I don't have this down yet.

• 46:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 46:11Speaker 01

  You know?

• 46:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. I love that. That's beautiful because I think especially as someone as, as successful an artist as you, it's so easy to get wrapped up in like, this is how I get the most creative, or this is my optimal performance level, or I know how to get in the zone. And, and that can sometimes be our greatest block to actually getting into the zone in a completely different way.

• 46:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm very much, I had a, a great mentor of mine who would tell me, Matthew, you, you, you work so hard and prepare so hard for a scene. You love to go in any situation. Balanced, both feet balanced. You love to go in like this. She goes, I'm gonna tell you this. I dare you to start looking at life and your work, right before you go into it, get on one leg and see if you can find your balance, because in finding your balance is when you're most alive. In finding the balance, the stable position, is when life's a verb and you see life come and it's life really happens, you know? And it was a great note, not just in work, but in life.

• 47:15Speaker 01

  Go into a situation and instead of coming in set, locked in, do the work that you know how to be sturdy and balanced, but go into it intentionally off balance and find your balance.

• 47:28Jay Shetty?

  That's beautiful. That's beautiful. I love that. Again, my head's like applying that to a million things right now. That is so beautiful. I love that. I love the fact that when we're off balance, that's when we're most alive. It's when we're most animated, searching, seeking, like looking, like as soon as you feel like you've got it, you know, it just, oh, that's beautiful. That's really beautiful. I love that. And in your, in your book, in the last chapter, you talk about the 10 goals you set out to achieve. And we were just talking about your kids achieving things that you didn't see yourself achieving. You had your life goals written out. Have you surprised yourself? Have you, did you always feel convinced it was gonna happen? Which ones have been the ones that surprised you and which ones are the ones where like, yeah, I saw that?

• 48:11Speaker 01

  Well, it's a funny thing, because here's why I didn't surprise myself. Because when I wrote those 10 goals down in 1989, I forgot about them the next day. I never looked at them again. Forgot I had written them. But obviously, I didn't forget I wrote them because I accomplished all 10, although I consciously never looked at them again or remembered them even in a mental list in my mind.

• 48:38Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 48:39Speaker 01

  So, I guess the best I can tell is that, oh, you wrote down some really true goals for yourself, McConaughey, because you didn't even have to write them down. They were written inside you with the unwritten word because you accomplished them. Now, look, there's some in there that I pulled off. I'm like, what? In 1989, you didn't even know you were gonna be an actor. You wouldn't even admit you wanted to be an actor. And you wrote down you wanted to win an Academy Award for Best Actor? What?

• 49:05Speaker 01

  Didn't look at that for 28, 29 years and found it, writing this book and I went, uh, okay. Want to be a father, keep God in my life, family, look, live a life I could look forward looking back. I had some pretty cool aspirations that for the most part I've, I've, I've have succeeded in some way in achieving.

• 49:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's special to see that and I, and I love that, that it was again planted as a seed, but you weren't obsessed about it in, in a, in a, in a, in a practical way because it's that, it's that obsession that almost makes you feel so far away from it. Uh, you know, if you, if you're constantly like looking at it every day going, oh, where is that? Where is that? And you're only looking at the Oscar, whereas actually for you, it was that, you know, that pivot of like, I've been doing these types of movies and I feel like I need to unbrand my, you know, all of that was what got you the Oscar. It wasn't obsessing over the Oscar.

• 49:59Speaker 01

  You're exactly right. And look, your word, purpose. It's, let's deconstruct that in this way for myself as well as everyone else because that clarity of purpose to see something and go accomplish, I love that.

• 50:14Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 50:14Speaker 01

  I need that. It gives me significance, achievement. Oh, I can measure it. I wanted to do that today and I got that done. This is what I wanted and I got that. But it's a dance because not everything is like that. And I don't, if, if, if you have a, for instance, in my work, I wouldn't have gone and done work that was deemed excellent, Allah, win an academy or done whatever work I've done that anyone may deem excellent. I wouldn't have been as good at it. I wasn't as good at it until I had a family that came first. When it was my top goal, I was more result in a, in a, it was more about the result.

• 50:57Speaker 01

  When I had family and I was like, oh, well, there we go. Now I've made it. Acting was number two. Didn't mean I worked any less hard at it. If anything, I worked harder at, but I was all about the process. I've gotten so many more results when I didn't give a damn about the result. It's like that, uh, um, you know, best rounds of golf.

• 51:18Speaker 01

  You know, when you walk off the 18th hole and you're headed to the next tee box and they go, "No, you finished the round." You're like, "Oh, I didn't even know it was over the run." "Oh, yeah, you shot 63." What?

• 51:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 51:26Speaker 01

  You know, my best work is when we rap and I'm like, "Okay, everyone, I'll see you tomorrow morning." And they're like, "No, there is no tomorrow morning. The show's over." I'm like, "Oh, that's it?" You know, it's the Bo Jackson. He didn't run across the goal line. He ran across the goal line through the end zone, up the tunnel.

• 51:43Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 51:44Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? It's like extend your finish line to, to, to a place that you're like, "Oh," it's like now dealing with COVID. I think it's very good for us to think, "What if this is going on for another three years?"

• 51:57Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 51:59Speaker 01

  We'll probably be able to gauge, engage somewhat normally before then.

• 52:03Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 52:03Speaker 01

  But if I, if I think that in my mind, I'm already starting to get my, my purpose and survival skills are, are coming to the forefront. I'm preparing. If I'm thinking, "I hope COVID's over tomorrow," I'm wasting 30% of my energy thinking, "Is tomorrow the day?" And then I wake up and go, "Oh, not today."

• 52:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 52:21Speaker 01

  Okay, maybe tomorrow. No, not tomorrow. You're wasting the energy. So it's, it's a good practice, I think, to put things way out in front of you that are beyond your reach.

• 52:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 52:29Speaker 01

  So then they don't, they don't stay in that first place. You can't quite grasp them. You can't, they're not tangible. And you'll actually probably achieve them, have a better chance of achieving them if you just put your head down and stay in the process.

• 52:40Jay Shetty?

  I love that. I love that, man. Everyone, that is Green Lights by Matthew McConaughey. Make sure you grab the book. We're putting the link in the comments. I highly recommend it. If you want to be entertained, enlightened, and have an experience at the same time, it's a, it's a perfect journey in that. And if you want to learn more about someone that you've been watching for so many years and loving and appreciating, then this is the book to go to. Matthew, we end every episode with a fast five. These are the final five questions and they have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. So

• 53:12Speaker 01

  Deal.

• 53:13Jay Shetty?

  That, that's the deal. And you've always been, already been very generous with your time. So this is, this is the last thing. So your first question is, what was your biggest lesson from the last 12 months?

• 53:24Speaker 01

  Makes sense of humor your default emotion.

• 53:27Jay Shetty?

  Nice. I like it. Awesome. All right. Question number two. What's something you know to be true, but other people would disagree with you on? What's something that you're like very confident about, but people may, may not agree with you?

• 53:40Speaker 01

  Spending time alone and not enjoying the company is a healthy constructive practice because

• 53:51Speaker 01

  there's only one person we're stuck with in this life.

• 53:54Jay Shetty?

  Spending time alone and not enjoying the company is a constructive.

• 53:59Speaker 01

  Stick with it. Don't pull the parachute in the discomfort. It will work it out. The monkeys on your back will finally start playing and then then then swinging from the trees in a right way and you it will get organized. Don't pull the parachute in the discomfort. Stick through it. Because if you pull out too early, when you're not getting along with yourself, it's gonna bubble up in awkward ways later on and you're gonna be forced to go through the pinnant. So stick with it. You'll come out the other side. You'll shake hands with yourself and you'll realize there's only one person I can't get rid of and that's me. We better get along.

• 54:36Jay Shetty?

  I love that. That's great advice. I had many moments like that in my monk life, so I I could definitely relate to sticking through that. Okay, question number three.

• 54:45Jay Shetty?

  If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

• 54:49Speaker 01

  Invisible.

• 54:51Jay Shetty?

  That's the one.

• 54:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, I gotta I gotta just take the the easy low hanging fruit and go and then and then just say, okay, now that you're invisible, let's see if you can handle this great freedom. That's a real tester there. That's the one that'll challenge somebody the most about what can you do with that power?

• 55:08Jay Shetty?

  It is true. It is true.

• 55:10Speaker 01

  Can you be trusted with that power?

• 55:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, can you trust yourself with it and can you deal with what it exposes you to?

• 55:17Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 55:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, those are challenges. Absolutely. All right. Question number four. When does a risk not make sense? Because as you were saying, your father wanted you to take risks. You started to take. You've taken loads of risks in your life. You know, there's there's plenty of examples in the book. When does a risk not make sense?

• 55:35Speaker 01

  When it's for risk's sake.

• 55:38Speaker 01

  It's like, you know,

• 55:42Speaker 01

  an eccentricity for eccentricity's sake.

• 55:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 55:45Speaker 01

  Like, well, what the hell is that for?

• 55:47Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 55:47Speaker 01

  I I like to see, is there is there construction? Is there is this a constructive risk?

• 55:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 55:53Speaker 01

  Is taking this risk, what can it pay? What can I get from it?

• 55:56Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 55:56Speaker 01

  What will be the green light in this? What is my ROI? Return on investment of taking this risk and Like I said, it's not a risk unless you can lose a fight.

• 56:07Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 56:08Speaker 01

  It's not really a risk unless you can lose a fight.

• 56:10Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Well said. All right. Fifth and final question. If you could create a law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

• 56:18Speaker 01

  Hmm, it's not a law, but I'll say this. Great question for, for all of us to ask ourselves every day. And it will change. This answer changes. Great question to ask ourselves is this. Two words. I value.

• 56:35Speaker 01

  Question mark.

• 56:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, because we all, you know, I, I bring this up in the book about, we all want to be relevant. Damn right, we do. But let's not forget to ask, relevant for what?

• 56:46Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 56:47Speaker 01

  What really matters? What's going to pick? Think long money, not short money. What's the long ROI? What's the big eternal green light? You know? Um, tee yourself up for the future, you know, as much as you can, you know? Um, yeah, I value is a great question that, uh, I think it's prudent for all of us to ask ourselves. And know it'll change, it'll change. The answer will change.

• 57:16Jay Shetty?

  I think it's a great law. I love that. Everyone, Matthew McConaughey, green lights. Uh, make sure you go and grab a cup of the book. Matthew, this has been amazing. I've, I've loved every part of this discussion. I'm so glad I got the opportunity to not only read the book, but to spend this time with you and dive in. If there's anything I didn't let you share or anything that's on your mind that you're like, yeah, I really want to share this. So I really want to put this out there. Uh, the stage is yours. So if there's anything.

• 57:38Speaker 01

  No, that, that was it. I look forward to talking to you again in the future about your three years as a monk.

• 57:43Jay Shetty?

  I'd love that, man.

• 57:44Speaker 01

  And how much that, or how much or how little, to what extent that still defines who you are today.

• 57:52Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 57:53Speaker 01

  Um, because as we all know, you know, the truths that cross us in those times of solitude. The world is built to strip those away.

• 58:02Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 58:03Speaker 01

  And it takes, it's hard.

• 58:06Speaker 01

  To maintain those truths amongst the masses, that old Emerson quote, "May the truth that comes to me in solitude, can I please march through the masses with still the clarity that it holds."

• 58:15Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 58:15Speaker 01

  So, I'd love to have a lot of the deeper, longer conversation about what that, you know.

• 58:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, for sure. I'd love to share with you, man. Yeah, it's been seven years since I've left and it's just, uh, it's, it's been the, you know, I've always described it as like monk school was like going to school and, and then the last seven years have been like the exam. And so I feel like I've been applying, I've been noticing the lessons everywhere in the masses in the real world. And, and, you know, I'm, I'm not, I'm trying to pass as many tests as I can, but you know, some you pass, some you fail and I, but I enjoy the fact that I feel I have the schooling and the map. And so I've tried, for me, I've tried that my, my biggest, you know, vision is to try to continue to live it. And actually I enjoy the challenge of having to apply it in the masses.

• 59:02Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 59:02Jay Shetty?

  Because that's, that's, that's where the, that's where the fun is. Like that's where I get the, the excitement from.

• 59:07Speaker 01

  That's the buzz, right?

• 59:08Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's the thrill.

• 59:09Speaker 01

  The buzz.

• 59:10Jay Shetty?

  The thrill is not being on the mountaintop. The thrill is being in, in this space.

• 59:14Speaker 01

  In the game.

• 59:15Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, in the game. So, yeah, man, I look forward to that. Let me know how's it best. I'd love to, that would be beautiful. And, uh, but this was awesome, man, and we can't wait to share it with the community. They're gonna love it and they'll love the book too. It's perfect. Like it's exactly what our community loves, so it's gonna be amazing.

• 59:29Speaker 01

  Okay. And thank, thank you, Jay. I sure enjoyed it.

• 59:32Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, thank you. I really enjoyed it. Pleasure meeting you, Matthew. Thank you so much. Take care. Have a wonderful evening.