Jay and His Wife Radhi ON: How To Navigate Relationships During Lockdown and Rebuild Through Difficult Times

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon. You love On Purpose because it inspires your life. Have you tried Jay’s Genius workshops and meditations to access even deeper well-being? Learn more at https://shetty.cc/OnPurposeGenius Both Jay and Radhi dance to the beat of their own drum, but building a lasting love takes patience and collaboration--even during extreme circumstances. This week, Jay Shetty speaks with his wife, Radhi Devlukia-Shetty, to talk about the challenges and successes of their relationship on this very special 2-year anniversary episode of On Purpose with Jay Shetty. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

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• 0:44Jay Shetty?

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• 1:27Jay Shetty?

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• 1:49Speaker 01

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• 2:21Jay Shetty?

  Are you in a toxic, negative place and need to get out of it? Are you looking for better ways to navigate life, career, love, friendship and more? Then Genius is for you. I do a few free workshops a year for the public, but the majority of the time I'm going live in weekly private Genius workshops and meditations. It's been shown that just 90 days of Genius workshops and meditations improve happiness by 40%, reduce anxiety by 25% and increase daily motivation by 75%. It's incredible. But how does it work? Genius lets you access personal coaching with me in three different ways. You'll meet me inside weekly live coaching workshops and meditations with the group. You'll be able to access hours and hours of personal coaching with me on the Genius

• 3:06Jay Shetty?

  app and you'll get to go on Genius journeys and experience curated workshop sequences that are designed to achieve a specific goal for you. You can sign up at jshettygenius.com today. I can't wait to welcome you into the Genius community. See you on the inside.

• 3:29Jay Shetty?

  Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose and our annual episode with the one and only Radhi Devlukis Shetty.

• 3:40Jay Shetty?

  We do this every single year. The first ever episode on the podcast on the 14th of February 2019 was Radhi. We did our one year celebration with Radhi and this is now our two year celebration with Radhi. And I am so excited to be talking to you today. I can't believe it. My new book, Eight Rules of Love, is out and I cannot wait to share it with you. I am so, so excited for you to read this book, for you to listen to this book. I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, make sure you go to eightrulesoflove.com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep or let go of love.

• 4:21Jay Shetty?

  So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour, Love Rules. Go to jayshettytour.com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences and more. I can't wait to see you this year. The podcast is now officially two years old.

• 4:43Speaker 02

  Oh my gosh, that's amazing. But also I thought, number one, you'd keep my seat warm for me.

• 4:48Jay Shetty?

  Isn't that warm?

• 4:49Speaker 02

  I mean, and seeing as I'm like probably the person that's been on the podcast the most, I thought maybe I'd have like some of my favorite snacks here, but I had to bring my own tea, didn't I?

• 4:58Jay Shetty?

  This is your house.

• 5:00Speaker 02

  I had to bring my own tea, didn't I?

• 5:01Jay Shetty?

  This is your house and the snack cupboard is yours and you do own this place.

• 5:06Speaker 02

  But it's different if you bring it for me. But I'm so excited to be here. Um, and yeah, I don't know, um, what we're going to speak about, but I'm very excited.

• 5:14Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. So Rodney and I don't plan these. What we do is we ask my team, friends, people we know, people we don't know, to come up with questions that we can discuss. And that's what we're going to do today. We think 2020 was a incredible year for relationships and the challenges it brought with that. So we want to dive in today about how we tried to navigate 2020. And as always, these conversations are completely raw and open and vulnerable, where we're sharing with you our mistakes, the things we got wrong, the things we learned, the things we got right. We're sharing all of it in this conversation. So I really, really hope that you enjoy this one.

• 5:55Speaker 02

  As do I. So let's go. What should we start with?

• 6:01Jay Shetty?

  The first question that I have from our team is, what do you find hardest about love?

• 6:10Speaker 02

  Relationship or love? I don't know, like whether it's like a relationship.

• 6:15Speaker 02

  I was actually thinking about this this morning when I was thinking about coming and speaking here, speaking here, coming and speaking to you. Um, and I was thinking about how, you know, a lot of the time when you end up feeling annoyed at your partner or irritated in some way, or when they really annoy you.

• 6:36Speaker 02

  I actually, it actually made me realize that a lot of the time, you know, they say it ends up being a reflection of you. When I think about what ends up, like when we have our petty arguments or whatever it is, I feel like it's actually because it hits at a sore point of me realising that it's my, whatever we're arguing about, how I'm reacting, it's my weakness. And a lot of the time, that's stubbornness. And so I feel like whenever we, I think that's quite, that's quite a difficult thing when it comes to relationships or love, is that the other person, because you spend so much time with them, and because, you know, they know you better than anybody else, that they end up being a reflection of actually you. So every time you end up having interactions with them that aren't that great, actually, a lot of the time, you can sit there and be like, hmm, maybe that had a lot more to do with me,

• 7:20Speaker 02

  how I reacted, rather than that other person. But sometimes it's them too.

• 7:26Jay Shetty?

  That's a really good answer. That's a really good answer. I think that's such a good point. I was, I think what I'm saying is, I agree with that, so I would second that.

• 7:34Speaker 02

  Did that answer the question?

• 7:34Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I would, I would second that. And to give another answer, to give a different answer, I also feel the hardest thing in a relationship is, you're always projecting your strengths onto the other person's weaknesses. So you want the other person to be more like you. But when you really think about it, you don't. Like, you love, you love the other person for not being like you. But when you say things, like, I'll give an example, that I'm super organised, disciplined, live by the schedule, on time. Yeah, so sometimes in our relationship, I think I've wanted you to be like me and do things like me.

• 8:18Jay Shetty?

  And when I've really sat with that and really thought with that, I realised, actually, I don't want you to be like me, because I love you for not being me. And the things that you bring to this relationship, whether it's spontaneity, whether it's being fresh, whether it's being always alive, like, that's the strength. And I think what we do in relationships is we dampen our partner's strengths. Instead of amplifying them.

• 8:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:44Jay Shetty?

  And what that does is it makes your partner feel like they have to do something different or be something different. But actually, if you amplify their strengths, which is the part you love anyway.

• 8:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:53Jay Shetty?

  You're going to have a much more fulfilling and exciting relationship. So I think that I find that hard because I think we all live in our heads.

• 9:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's so true.

• 9:01Jay Shetty?

  And we think the way we think is the right way.

• 9:04Speaker 02

  I'm like, hey, what do you want to do tomorrow? And you're like, well, I kind of have a nine to five, like six schedule, ready to go for the next like six months. And I'm like, oh, so you don't want to go shopping with me? Or you don't want to go to like, get some plants? And yeah, no, I agree. And I feel like it's, you know, it also helps to try and correct it. In the same way, I think it can also help the other person tighten up on that area of their life too. Like, okay, cool. You may be super organized and I may be not very organized at all. But at the same time, we can find like a good middle ground when we're together, even though it's a strength in some ways. Every strength ends up being a weakness in some way too. So I think it helps, you know, kind of balance it out as well and help the other person notice when they need to probably change a little bit.

• 9:48Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely. Okay. Second question is, how did your relationship change in 2020?

• 9:53Speaker 02

  How did it change? I kind of feel like this felt like our first year of marriage because we, well, no, not probably. We have not spent this much time together in a whole entire relationship. And so I kind of feel like, for me, it felt like we were on our honeymoon type feel where we just got married and we were learning so much more about each other. But, but then we ended up, yeah, just, just really understanding one another and settling into each other a lot better than we probably even have for the past. How many years have we been married? Like three years? Four years?

• 10:26Jay Shetty?

  We've nearly been married five years.

• 10:27Speaker 02

  Nearly five years, but it feels like one year. But yeah, no, I think it really made us, it really helped us understand each other better. It helped us get into a rhythm together, which I don't feel like we ever really had a rhythm together. And so I think it's actually changed in most, like, I can't think of any ways that it's changed in a negative. I really think that it's improved our relationship through figuring a lot of stuff out. But it's definitely got to a point now where I'm like, oh, wow, this, that whole year was definitely a good jump or a good step up for us.

• 11:00Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I'd have to say one of my favorite things was, it was the first year where we started doing a lot of. Physical activity together. Because we always go and like travel together or something like that. But it was the first year we started actually working out and exercising together.

• 11:15Speaker 02

  We did, yeah.

• 11:16Jay Shetty?

  So we used to go on hikes up Griffiths Park and then Runyon. And then we'd go on walks and just so many opportunities to be in nature together. Because we weren't going to the gym. And then we were doing in-home workouts together with a virtual workout.

• 11:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:33Jay Shetty?

  And we'd put our playlist on with that song that you were talking about the other day.

• 11:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, don't rush. That's the song of 2020 for me.

• 11:40Jay Shetty?

  And I just think that we were forced to just spend so much time together. But we actually found ways to do things we enjoyed together.

• 11:48Speaker 02

  I think we actually realized that we were spending time together in the wrong ways before. Like, I feel like that's what it made us realize that we thought going shopping together or going to watch a movie together was like, and sitting and watching a movie together, were the ways that we would be spending time together. And then we realized that actually, we just really enjoy doing, whether it's like normal things like working out, but it feels so much more fun for us than sitting there and doing something that feel, I don't know, I don't know how to explain it. But yeah, like something that where we're not talking or we're not interacting.

• 12:23Speaker 02

  And the focus is somewhere else, whereas this, it's like you're completely focused on the activity, completely focused on the other person. And it was just so much more fun to do that stuff together, even if it is just like working out and or going for a walk or whatever is, but it felt so much more interactive and like, yeah, so much more fun.

• 12:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And for everyone who's listening and watching, this was the year that Radhi and I have spent the most actual time together since we've been married.

• 12:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:49Jay Shetty?

  And since we were dating, because I'm always traveling, she's back at home in London sometimes, she's traveling. And for us to be in this space together, we had to focus on learning about each other even more. So it was a big change for us.

• 13:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:05Jay Shetty?

  And like Radhi said, I think the same. I think it just brought about positives for us, thankfully. And, you know, we grew a lot closer this year.

• 13:13Speaker 02

  Yeah. And I do think it's also because we. I don't feel like it felt natural, but at the same time it was natural because we were both very aware and intentional of how we were interacting with the other person. Because of how bad it's gone in the past, I feel like we have been able to use all of those mistakes that we made where we were really trying to figure out a way for it to be better. Like, we both had the intention of making it better. Whether it was like quarantine, whether it was COVID, whatever it was, that like I feel like we'd gone through so many times where we tried and it may be like we still weren't understanding each other. We were like, no, this time we both actually really wanna intentionally make an effort to have conversations

• 13:55Speaker 02

  that we maybe don't have, to resolve things in a way that we don't normally resolve things. And so, yeah, I think, I think that that's also important because it wasn't just like, oh, this was nice. Like, it just happened this way. I feel like it was definitely something we thought about and tried as well.

• 14:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 14:13Speaker 02

  I'll do a question for you. What is, like, okay, for example, you know, in a relationship when one person asks the other person to do something, like, I always think about this with you because you always, regardless of when I ask you to do something, no matter if you're like, let's say something simple, like, we're both sitting watching something and I'm literally like to you, oh, I really want this. And like, I haven't even asked you to do it, but you'll literally get up and you'll go and do it for me. Or like, I'll ask you to go get something and you're like, you won't even flinch, like, you'll go out of your way to do it. And actually, I was thinking about it and like, that seems like such a small thing, but I actually feel like it's not because a lot of the time where even if it's with your mom, your dad, whatever, it's just, oh, do I really have to go and get it? Like, can't you just go do it yourself?

• 14:55Speaker 02

  But you, I feel, have generally always been like that. And so I was just gonna ask you, because I think it'll be helpful for other people too and helpful for me, like, what goes through your mind when, even if I'm being really irritating or being a brat, like, what makes you just continually do that without like moaning?

• 15:13Jay Shetty?

  The first thing that goes through my mind is you are such a brat.

• 15:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:16Jay Shetty?

  You are, you are closer to that light switch right now. You are closer to the water container right now.

• 15:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:23Jay Shetty?

  Why are you asking me to do this? That's the first thing that goes through my mind. And then, and then my monk mind comes in and... I feel like that's, there's two sides to it. First of all, I know you're not asking me because you're trying to make my life difficult. You're doing it because you want to be loved that way.

• 15:46Speaker 02

  Maybe, yeah.

• 15:48Jay Shetty?

  And I think that when you realize, if you're in a loving, trusting relationship, you start realizing that your partner's requests, even if they seem unreasonable and irrational, a lot of the time, that's just how you want to be loved in that moment. And when you see it in that way,

• 16:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:04Jay Shetty?

  you go, yeah, of course I want to love you in that way. Because you're not doing it to hurt me, because I know you love me. You're not doing it to upset me. You're obviously not doing it to irritate me. So then the only reason you could be doing that is because you need some love right now and you need love in that way, or you need connection in that way, or you need intimacy in that way. And so you're asking for it because it's a request for love. And I think we think of requests for love as like, oh, give me a hug, or I need to talk to you. We think of those things, but actually it's the day-to-day moments, in the small things where someone's saying, please love me, please see me, please show up for me.

• 16:45Speaker 02

  Please bring me a snack.

• 16:47Jay Shetty?

  Please bring me a snack. And I think we mistake that language because we think, oh, that person's being so irritating.

• 16:54Speaker 02

  So demanding.

• 16:55Jay Shetty?

  So demanding, and maybe they are. And that's something that you have to check for yourself. So if you are that person, Radhi, then you have to check for yourself whether it is demanding and stubborn or whether it is a request for love.

• 17:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:10Jay Shetty?

  For yourself, but I've made it in my mind that I believe you love me. And so if I believe you love me, then I should believe that this is you asking for love. And so, but if I didn't believe you love me and I was insecure about that, then it would be really annoying, yeah. And so it doesn't mean that I don't have that thought. It doesn't mean that I don't get internally frustrated with you for a second. And then straight after that, this kicks in and that walks me through it. And I think when people sometimes say to me like, oh, well, haven't you got it all figured out? I'm like, no, the first thought is never the thought that has it all figured out. The first thought is always, oh, gosh, whatever, whatever, whatever.

• 17:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:51Jay Shetty?

  It's the second thought.

• 17:53Speaker 02

  It's allowing, it's taking that time to have that second thought rather than reacting to the first, yeah.

• 17:58Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, so that's the answer to that question.

• 18:01Speaker 02

  That's great. Thank you. I've always wanted that.

• 18:05Speaker 02

  I have, actually.

• 18:10Jay Shetty?

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• 18:55Jay Shetty?

  Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Value can be found anywhere, even in the clothes sitting untouched in our closets. That's where Vinted comes in. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where you can sell clothes you no longer want and get more value out of them. Whether you're running out of space, moving, or simply updating your wardrobe. Listing items is a quick and simple process, and once something sells, Vinted creates a prepaid shipping label for you. And the best part, there are no seller fees, so you keep what you earn. It's a simple way to clear out your closet, be less wasteful, and maybe make some extra money along the way. And if you've been thinking about a wardrobe refresh, this can make it feel a little more worthwhile.

• 19:40Jay Shetty?

  You're not just letting go of clothes, you're getting more value from what you already have. Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start selling with no seller fees, so you keep every dollar you earn. This episode is brought to you by Amtrak. You know that feeling when you're already tired and you haven't even gotten there yet? That's where Amtrak comes in. Leave the driving behind and settle into a comfortable seat with plenty of room to stretch out. Catch up on work with wifi, grab a snack at the cafe car, or just sit back and enjoy your favorite podcast. Choose a seller or Northeast Regional and get there without the stress of getting there. Visit amtrak.com to plan your next trip. So this question came in from our team.

• 20:25Jay Shetty?

  It says, "Tell me about a time where you think we've made a compromise, and how did it work out?" I'm gonna go first.

• 20:33Speaker 02

  I know the first thing you're gonna say is, "I don't believe in compromises in relationships."

• 20:37Jay Shetty?

  You know me so well. So that's exactly what I was gonna say. I was like, as soon as I hear the word compromise, I have a very interesting relationship with the word compromise, because I believe that compromise makes you feel that both of you are giving up something you want for something you both don't want. Which doesn't make any sense to me.

• 20:58Speaker 02

  Repeat that, repeat that. Rewind. That's a good point. Go on. Have a Jay Shetty moment.

• 21:04Jay Shetty?

  So I have a really interesting relationship with the word compromise, because I don't understand what compromise means is that you're both giving up something you both want for something both of you don't want. That's what a compromise is. So it feels like one person is getting what they want, and the other person is not getting what they want. That's what a compromise is. Whereas what I have tried to live by in our relationship is, I want you to get what you want, and I want to get what I want. Now, if that doesn't mesh all the time, or if that doesn't connect all the time, then the only thing that's being compromised

• 21:49Jay Shetty?

  is this false view that we should always feel the same way about everything. And I think that just makes, that actually makes space for resentment. It makes space for bitterness. It's almost like, think about this, everyone who's listening and watching. Think about this for a moment. Imagine I gave up what I wanted to do all the time to be where Radhi wanted me to be. I'm going to be feeling upset. I'm going to be thinking, "I should be doing this," or "I could be doing this." And then you develop bitterness towards the other person, where you can't even respect and appreciate them. And if you were always dragged to what I'm doing... You may be thinking, well, I could be doing this, or I could be doing that. And what ends up happening is, I feel like you actually move closer away by forcing yourself together.

• 22:33Jay Shetty?

  You actually end up, you actually end up moving further away. You actually end up moving further away by forcing yourself to be together. When actually, you could move closer together by allowing yourselves to have that space. So that's my relationship with the word compromise.

• 22:49Speaker 02

  That is very true. I agree with what you've said. I know you've, we've spoken about that a few times.

• 22:55Jay Shetty?

  On the podcast?

• 22:56Speaker 02

  No, no, no, together. We've spoken about that a few times together. And I like the way you think I do. Um, compromise, yeah, I never actually, I, I agree with you. I think we've both given each other, not given each other, but we've both been very happy for the other person to live freely, to do what they want to do and without pressure of being like, okay, cool. It's my friend's birthday, for example. And if you're not that interested in coming, or I'm not that interested in coming with you, it's not like, oh my gosh, but you have to come, like, we're a couple, we can't go places without one another. Like, we say, okay, cool, like, you don't need to go. And we understand that too. It's like, yeah, it's gonna be boring for you. Like, you don't need to come with me. And we're very good at making it quite clear if something is important to us,

• 23:38Speaker 02

  whether it's family stuff, whether it's whatever. So, okay, cool, you don't need to come to this family thing, but I would really appreciate it if you could make some time and, and come here. You know that the person loves you. And so if they, if you make explicitly clear what's valuable to you, and they still don't feel, and you still don't feel heard by them, then that's one thing. But like, if I know that you love me and you know what's important to me, I feel like you always know when you need to show up. And if, for example, you haven't, and I may not have communicated it to you, if I tell you afterwards, it's always like, oh, I'm so sorry, I had no idea that's how you felt. Um, and so, yeah, I think it's important, one, like, letting the other person know what is of value to you and whether it's actually that important, not being like, oh, come with me. And the person says no.

• 24:21Speaker 02

  And then you're like, oh, okay, fine. Like, it's, it doesn't have to be like that. It can be a, oh, but please, I really, I like, this is really important to me. If they are saying no, it's not because they're trying to hurt you. It's because they maybe genuinely have something that's more important to go to or to do.

• 24:37Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And, and I think you're right that you, that's a really good point because you expect the other person to read your mind and to know why it should be important to you.

• 24:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:46Jay Shetty?

  We often have that thought, like, you should know this is important to me. But but the truth is that in every relationship, like no one knows until you explain to them. And I think in our love relationships and our romantic, even in our friendships.

• 24:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:00Jay Shetty?

  We just expect everyone to fully know what we value.

• 25:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like with even with family, for example, just if if someone is really close to their family, you expect in your mind that they realize that that's an important thing. But if, for example, that person is not that close to their family, in their mind, it's like, oh, it's my uncle's birthday. Come to my uncle's birthday. And you're like, I won't even go to my own, not you, but generally someone else might be like, oh, I won't even go to my own uncle's birthday because I'm not that close to them. So I think it's like you are expecting the other person to live how you live and how you have your relationships or how you value things. And it's it's an unfair expectation because people have been through so many different things in life for for that not to be the case. Yeah.

• 25:43Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Awesome. All right. Next question on the list.

• 25:47Speaker 02

  Next up.

• 25:48Jay Shetty?

  Is we both have such hectic schedules in life and lots of work going on on all our commitments. How do we find time to spend time alone and time with each other?

• 25:59Speaker 02

  I can answer a lot, actually. I have so many. Some of my family members are always like, but does he have time to spend with you? Like, do you guys have time? I was speaking to one of my family friends the other day. And she was just like, are you sure you guys spend time with each other? And I was like, yeah, we actually spend a lot of time together, but but I can understand why people may think that. But yeah, you know, I don't feel like we've ever really felt, I feel like even if we've had the moments where we've had like months apart, we do make an effort that when we are together, we've especially recently, within the past year or two years, would you say? You say two years? We've started doing, yeah, we started doing a thing where we make sure that we have at least a weekend that we spend solid together.

• 26:39Speaker 02

  And sometimes that's more time that you spend together, even if you were seeing someone every single day for like a month because it's condensed time, it's intentional.

• 26:49Speaker 02

  And it's with the sole purpose to spend time together and communicate and be together in a meaningful way. So yeah, we definitely make that time. But it's also because we choose to do that.

• 27:02Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I think we both thankfully gravitate towards quality time versus quantity of time. And so we'll both be like, well, if we're both tired today, we'd rather not force ourselves to try and spend time together and give each other space or give each other time to decompress. And this weekend, we'll make sure we spend time together rather than the artificial force of like, today, we had to spend time together because we promised or we said we would.

• 27:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:31Jay Shetty?

  And it's like, but maybe we're both not got the right energy right now.

• 27:34Speaker 02

  And exactly.

• 27:35Jay Shetty?

  We haven't got that presence right now. And so I think it's a mutual understanding. At the same time, I feel like, you know, there've been different parts in our relationship. Like I remember when we lived in New York, we probably didn't spend a lot of quality time together because

• 27:51Speaker 02

  No.

• 27:51Jay Shetty?

  the only time I had off was the weekends and I was busy working sometimes too. And you were doing

• 27:56Speaker 02

  I had my course.

• 27:57Jay Shetty?

  courses and your work on the weekends. And so I spent a ton of my weekends alone and you spent a ton of your week

• 28:04Speaker 02

  Week.

• 28:05Jay Shetty?

  weekdays alone.

• 28:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 28:07Jay Shetty?

  And if you think back, that's, that's literally was the pattern of our life for two years. And then there was travel to London and everywhere else I was going. And I think through all of that, it was always just about savoring those moments. It was about really cherishing and realizing that we were in a building phase. And so I want to address something here, actually, that I think will be really interesting for people. Is I talk a lot about like the five cycles of life that we all go through. So we have learn, experiment, perform, struggle, thrive. And so these are like different stages you go through every year. And when we were in New York, we were in a build phase of our life. Like, we were both building. We just got married.

• 28:50Jay Shetty?

  I'd literally just started my career. You were discovering your career. We were in a build phase.

• 28:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:56Jay Shetty?

  And I think when you expect a lot from your partner, when you're both building, it can be really demanding. But now we're at a stage in our life where certain things we're performing in, where I've got a bit of a rhythm and a role, and so I'm able to give more time and you're in this different stage in your life. And I feel like when you start looking at your life as stages,

• 29:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:15Jay Shetty?

  as opposed to like, everything is the same.

• 29:17Speaker 02

  This is how it's gonna be forever.

• 29:18Jay Shetty?

  Forever, yeah. It's like, it can't be that way. And I think there's a great book, there's actually a really good book on this by Gary Chapman. And I think it's called The Four Seasons of Love or The Four Seasons of Marriage or Relationships. And it talks about how is your, is your relationship right now in the season of summer, winter, spring or autumn? Now, when I think about this, I think that we, we always want our relationship to be in summer in the sense that it's hot, it's passionate, it's cool. It's like, everything's good about summer, right? We all look forward to summer. But maybe your relationship's at a point in life right now, as this book says, that your relationship might be in winter. It's going through a dark period, a cold period, where you've just got to stick it out together.

• 30:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:03Jay Shetty?

  When I think about New York. Yeah, when I think about us in New York, it was a bit of winter and spring. And autumn's like where you've got to let go and you've got to shed. And I think about when we first started dating, there were moments where our relationship was in autumn.

• 30:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:17Jay Shetty?

  Where we were just letting things go and purging and removing energy. So I just, I think that book's a great model and that reflection that I've had for a while, that your life goes through stages and seasons. And stop trying to make every day and every week summer.

• 30:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, I really love that. That's so cool.

• 30:39Jay Shetty?

  This is an interesting question. What film or TV show do you think offers the best example of a healthy relationship?

• 30:45Speaker 02

  Oh my gosh, that's such a good question. I automatically in my mind go to This Is Us, because it's one of my favorite shows ever.

• 30:54Jay Shetty?

  I've never seen it.

• 30:55Speaker 02

  You've never seen it, but it's so good and...

• 30:59Jay Shetty?

  We love Chrissy, our good friend.

• 31:00Speaker 02

  Love Chrissy. But there are actually really lovely examples of couples who like make it through stuff in that, whether it's like the main couple, I'm sure, to be honest, most people have probably seen it, it's just the odd one out. But yeah, the main mom and dad, and then there's Sterling, what's his name, Sterling Brown? Sterling, the actor?

• 31:22Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, probably.

• 31:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think that's something Sterling or Sterling something, you don't know who I mean. But their relationship is amazing because they go through so many ups and downs, but they're so good at communication and I feel like that's a very good show to show very different types of relationships, even Chrissy's relationship with her partner, her husband on the show. They're all so different in the relationships and the way they communicate, but they show very good, yeah, very, very realistic and, and useful relationships, I feel. I love that show, it's so good.

• 31:57Jay Shetty?

  I actually struggle with this question because I think, A, I don't watch a lot of TV shows, but I do watch a lot of movies. And I think growing up, I had a really unhealthy view of love because of movies.

• 32:07Speaker 02

  It's so true.

• 32:08Jay Shetty?

  So I grew up watching Bollywood movies a lot and I remember thinking that that's what love had to look like.

• 32:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, like a flower comes up in the middle when two people are about to kiss. That's what they do in Bollywood.

• 32:19Jay Shetty?

  Or like you're all like dancing around and like there's all this like...

• 32:22Speaker 02

  In a field of puppies.

• 32:24Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and like music's playing when you fall in love with someone.

• 32:27Speaker 02

  And I'm running towards you in slow motion and my head naturally falls like this. And you're coming towards me and then it cuts because they don't show anything else in Bollywood films. Back in the day.

• 32:38Jay Shetty?

  And so that's what you, I grew up with unhealthy projections of love.

• 32:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:42Jay Shetty?

  And the thing that comes to mind when I am thinking about this, apart from the Last Dance, Michael Jordan documentary, which doesn't show marriage, but shows like love in a team and camaraderie and collaboration. I'll try and find a bit more of a, I actually think The Happy Place, The Good Place, sorry.

• 33:00Speaker 02

  So good.

• 33:00Jay Shetty?

  I always call it The Happy Place, The Good Place. I think that Kristen Bell's character Eleanor and her relationship with Chidi, like the way it shows relationship dynamics is really interesting about like, what is a good relationship, what is support, what is friendship? Like, I think it answers a lot of deeper questions.

• 33:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's such a good show.

• 33:21Jay Shetty?

  It's such a great show. I'm enjoying it so much and we came to it late, but we're loving it.

• 33:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:26Jay Shetty?

  And I just think it has so many good messages. So I'd have to go with that.

• 33:28Speaker 02

  Okay, cool. This is us and Happy Place.

• 33:31Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 33:31Speaker 02

  No, is it?

• 33:32Jay Shetty?

  The Good Place.

• 33:33Speaker 02

  Good Place.

• 33:33Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I call it the Happy Place all the time as well. And yeah, and I'm going back to what the shows I grew up on. I grew up on The O.C.

• 33:39Speaker 02

  Friends.

• 33:40Jay Shetty?

  And Desperate Housewives.

• 33:41Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:41Jay Shetty?

  Both not good examples of relationship ideas. And Friends you grew up on, which again.

• 33:48Speaker 02

  Which again, I wouldn't say it's like the best relationship stuff. It's just comedy and yeah, movies mess you up.

• 33:55Jay Shetty?

  Okay, this is an interesting question. Have you ever experienced doubt in our relationship? And how do you express doubt?

• 34:06Speaker 02

  Excuse me, sorry. Jet lagged.

• 34:09Jay Shetty?

  Did you just yawn on the podcast? Am I boring you that much?

• 34:13Speaker 02

  No, I.

• 34:14Jay Shetty?

  This is my life, guys.

• 34:15Speaker 02

  I have been waking up extremely early and so this is nearing my bedtime. No, have I experienced doubt? I'm trying to think. I'm sure I did right at the beginning and then like, you know, just before you're getting married and like everything's like a bit confusing and there's just so much going on because of wedding. And then you're like, oh my gosh, I have to get married to this man.

• 34:34Jay Shetty?

  Really?

• 34:34Speaker 02

  No.

• 34:36Jay Shetty?

  I said, no, I want to know.

• 34:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think probably just, I guess just at the beginning when everything was so up in the air. Because like, you know, as I'm sure in most cultures, but in our cultures, like the man should have a job and the man should be the breadwinner and like.

• 34:51Jay Shetty?

  Which is not true.

• 34:52Speaker 02

  You should have, no, which is not true, but and he should have everything figured out before you get into a relationship with that person. Like, everything should already be set before you even think about marriage. And we really didn't have that. And so I think probably at the beginning, but I was so lucky because my mom and dad really were just so okay that I naturally feel doubts can come into your mind when other people get in your mind. But I think I was quite sure. I felt like, I felt like. Straight away, I knew I had a connection with you. I knew that your values and the person that you were, I just knew we would be able to grow so deeply together. And that's really what I was focusing on. And then I was so lucky that the rest of everything

• 35:33Speaker 02

  else fell into place. But, and I'm so grateful for that. But I, I knew that the core thing that I wanted in the relationship was there, for us to grow deeper in our spiritual lives together. And that was the main focus for me. And then, yeah, and then we started having fun. I was like, oh, he is fun. Like, he's just not just like a teacher and like, just so deep, but you also were so fun. And, and it, all the things that I maybe hadn't thought about was important to me slowly started coming. I was like, oh, that is really important to me. Gosh, I didn't realize that at the beginning that that's what I wanted. But yes,

• 36:10Speaker 02

  the doubt was definitely, was definitely like, taken away by me constantly going back to the fact that I wanted to be in that relationship with you for that reason. And yeah.

• 36:24Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's a, that's a good, honest answer. Yeah, I think, I think my only doubt was always, and it's funny because it's so hard to express this, because I remember, it was really funny when your family had mentioned this to you, and it was like, are you sure he's not going to run back and be a monk?

• 36:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:42Jay Shetty?

  And run back to the monastery? And it's so interesting, because my only doubt in our relationship, previously, not anymore, had ever been that, should I have been alone?

• 36:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:53Jay Shetty?

  So my doubt was never like you or another person, or if you were the right person.

• 36:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:57Jay Shetty?

  It's always been, it's either you or me being alone.

• 37:00Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 37:01Jay Shetty?

  And, and I think that comes from me loving being alone and spending so much time alone. And I think there was a part of our relationship where, because I was spending long periods on my own.

• 37:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:11Jay Shetty?

  I always considered that. And I, and I, and I had that consideration of like, oh, is this what I'm meant to be doing? Like, should I have done this? Like, I, and I think a bit part of my doubt came from a Came from a bit of sadness that I was like, oh, am I taking her away from her family? Am I taking her away?

• 37:28Speaker 02

  You did.

• 37:29Jay Shetty?

  Her dreams? Am I taking, like, that was where my doubt of should I have been alone came from was, oh, no, maybe I'm like, for my pursuing of my purpose, which I'm really dedicated to.

• 37:43Speaker 02

  Totally, yeah.

• 37:43Jay Shetty?

  Am I taking her away? That was where my doubt came from, that am I so selfish that maybe I should be doing my purpose alone? Why should I drag someone else on my journey?

• 37:53Speaker 02

  And I actually think at the beginning, I probably felt that way too. Like, I, I probably, when we went to New York, it definitely felt like compromising because I felt like the only thing I really had at that time in my life that I truly valued and felt I was very concrete in was my family and that's what my whole life revolved around. And so I guess at the beginning, because I hadn't matured in my thoughts of, of what this relationship was, I did feel like that and I, and I remember in my mind, I felt like, well, we have to go back for my family to do this because you've taken me away anyway, like, you've taken me to New York and so now we have to do this because I want to do this. Or we have to, like, you need to do this for me because we've done this for you.

• 38:34Speaker 02

  But, but I, but I definitely, now looking back, I realize actually it was all so much more for, like, it, so, I, I don't feel that way at all anymore, but I can, um, yeah, I can, I can relate. I probably had those feelings a little bit at the beginning that you were, you're probably feeling from me.

• 38:50Jay Shetty?

  No, it's good. I, I think these are great conversations to have. And what's interesting about these conversations, though, is that sometimes you don't have them in the moment.

• 38:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:00Jay Shetty?

  But that, but that can, if you don't monitor that well, that could end up breaking something.

• 39:05Speaker 02

  Definitely.

• 39:06Jay Shetty?

  And we're lucky that it didn't.

• 39:07Speaker 02

  I feel like it could have, though, if, if I hadn't, if, if I then didn't choose to, like, figure out what was going wrong with me and I was projecting that all on you and making it feel like it was, it was, the issue was our relationship or the issue was you, but really it was me having a lack of awareness of myself that I had to, I had to do that. Otherwise, I think I would have constantly kept blaming on that and constantly felt that way.

• 39:28Jay Shetty?

  And I have so much admiration for you and respect for you because of that, because I think that it's so easy. I was always trying to compensate and help in whatever way I could, but. I feel like you doing that is what's made our relationship so strong is that you've just really worked hard on the last few years of finding yourself, discovering yourself, working, and you've tried a lot of things.

• 39:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:51Jay Shetty?

  It's not been easy and, you know, I feel like I found my thing when I was eighteen and I've been doing it for fifteen years. And it's funny for me to think that because a lot of people online are like, oh Jay, you've only been doing this online for like three or four years. And I've been doing this for fifteen years. But for you, I've watched you since we've met, which was, you know, sorry, since we've been together, which is, what, nearly eight years now? And I've seen you like try this, try that, experiment with this. And actually, it's been really amazing. Why don't you tell people about how you feel your journey's been of discovering your real passion? Because I think people see you now and you've got your amazing YouTube channel and your Instagram page.

• 40:33Jay Shetty?

  And yes, you've always had this energy that everyone loves you for and that I fell in love with you for. But the way you're expressing it now has definitely evolved.

• 40:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, definitely. To be honest, I feel like I had no idea what I was doing till, till beginning of, oh, like, what, March last year? When all of this started happening and it was the first time I had to literally sit there and be like, oh crap, I have no excuse of, oh, I can't do this because Jay, I have to go with Jay traveling. Like, I can't start my own thing because, you know, I'm never really in the country and it's really difficult. I just want to focus on what Jay has and I've been just there to support him. And I realized as much as that was true and I did want to do that, it was probably a big covering for me not wanting to actually figure out what I wanted to do because everything just felt so scary to start something.

• 41:25Speaker 02

  And yeah, it just kind of stripped all of that away where I was like, no, I have to fill my days with something that feels meaningful and, and figure out what that is to me and how that looks to me. And so I just started and yeah, I definitely tried so many different ways and different things, whether it was like I made a, did a website during that time and, you know, it's not the best website, but it's like the website that I started off with and I put so much effort into it, did like a hundred recipes within, what, a couple of months? Because I really focused on it and, and it just showed me because I was such a person that I would start something and as soon as. And felt a little bit overwhelming or even felt like it was getting good or succeeding in some way.

• 42:08Speaker 02

  I'd be like, oh my gosh, that means I have to take another step forward and I'm not sure I want to do that. Okay, let's just shut it down and go somewhere else and do something else. And I, and I re- I realized that pattern that I had and so I was really determined to not do that with this because it, I almost like get in my own way of being a failure, in my mind, being a failure because I choose to not take the next step. Not because anything else comes in my way, but because the fear of the next step would always scare me, scare me enough to not want to take it. And so it was really amazing, actually. I was like, just looking at myself from an like outside perspective and I was like, oh my gosh, I never, ever thought she could do this. Like, I never thought I could do that. I never thought I would actually still be making recipes. I thought it was like something I'd do for a month and then get bored and be like, eh,

• 42:51Speaker 02

  I can't bother to, to keep adding on to this website anymore. But um, yeah, and then, and then I did my, decided to try my YouTube thing, which, oh my gosh, took so long to actually start because of fear again, pushing me away from it. But I just, I mean, you've always been so amazing and supportive in that constantly, like, you see everything happening for me before I even dream about it. And I think it's just been so nice because whenever I've had doubts, you've been so amazing at helping me through them practically. Where it's, either it's in like a supportive way of just love, but a lot of the time it's really taking the time to have the conversations with me and I avoid the conversations and you're like, okay, what do you need to do next? Like, what is it? I'm like, I don't want to talk about it right now. I haven't figured it out and I just don't want to speak about it.

• 43:36Speaker 02

  But you constantly would help like push me through because you saw that I was coming from a place of fear, not because I actually didn't want to. And I think that's really important too. It's like, I know with a lot of your stuff, like 99% of the time, you don't necessarily need to speak to me about it. But there are certain times that you do want to discuss things and vice versa, like I obviously like this, I obviously need you to input in a lot more of my stuff because I feel like you've done a lot of the things that I've done and I really appreciate your advice for it. But I think there is so much of the support being in so many different ways throughout the times that I needed it. And yeah, I just, I tell you guys, I don't know how I did, how I got here, but I'm really happy that I did it. I'm so happy because I never expected

• 44:19Speaker 02

  myself to be able to do that, ever. And I just genuinely feel for everybody else that's listening to this, that I was like, that's where my spontaneity, that can be a strength, and ended up being something that was such a weakness for me in the areas where I wanted to commit to something. And yeah, I just, I honest, and I'm not just saying this, genuinely, if I can do it, ask my mom. She will tell you, if I can do it, I a hundred percent know that other people can't, whatever it is that you love doing, just try it out. And yeah, if I can do it, oh my gosh, you all can definitely do it. But enough about me.

• 44:55Jay Shetty?

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• 45:38Jay Shetty?

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• 46:22Jay Shetty?

  saving on your next home upgrade. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home.

• 46:33Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We talk a lot about intentional decision making, and that extends to the practical stuff too, like making sure your coverage actually works for your life. State Farm is there to meet you where you are, and they know how sweet it is to feel good about your decisions. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. What I genuinely love about the way you're doing it though, is that even though you have become more organized and disciplined and focused to figure this out, you haven't lost who you are. Yeah.

• 47:18Jay Shetty?

  And I think that's the hardest part. And I love seeing that in you, like each and every video, the amount of effort you put in. I know the amount of effort that goes behind the scenes when you're about to launch a video, and like your nerves and your excitement. And you just want to make everything so wonderful for everyone. And I love that. I love that even though you've become organized and focused and disciplined, and all those things that you've had to learn, that you haven't lost yourself in it. Because I think that's possible too. So I love watching it, and it makes me really happy. And what you were just saying at the end, you know, there's an old relationship rule of like, don't keep the score. And it's been said for many, many years of like, don't keep score in a relationship. But often score feels like, oh, I did this favor.

• 48:02Jay Shetty?

  What did someone else do? And what I've realized is that score should not be kept energetically. And so what I mean by that is, I really feel that you carry the relationship sometimes emotionally. And so I may be carrying it mentally, but you're carrying it emotionally. And so if you're only looking at the mental score, I'll be going like, oh, well, I'm doing everything. Why are you not doing anything mentally? Like, you're not planning. You're not setting goals. You're not doing this. But that's because I'm only measuring it on my scorecard. And I think it's so important to be like, well, there are so many different scorecards. That's so true. There's physical, financial, mental, emotional, spiritual. There are five scorecards. First of all, there shouldn't be a scorecard.

• 48:47Speaker 02

  No, but I know what you mean.

• 48:48Jay Shetty?

  There's five types of offering in a relationship and you're only ever looking at the one you give.

• 48:54Speaker 02

  But it's also useful to think of it in that way, like you're saying there's not scorecards. But I think it's useful because I think naturally we all have tendencies to want to be the hero or like want to be the person that like, oh, but I've done this and I've done that. And so actually looking at it in that way allows you to see where your strength is in your scorecard, but then realise hopefully where the other person is also contributing. So I think, yeah.

• 49:18Speaker 02

  But yeah, that's so, that's really a good way of putting it. I've never thought of it in that way.

• 49:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, no, I've thought about that so many times. I think whenever I've been in that position of like, oh, I'm doing so much for this relationship. And, and I do, there are times when I feel like that, I'm like, oh, I'm doing this. And then you just stop and you're like, that's just stupid. Because there are so many levels you carry the relationship on.

• 49:37Speaker 02

  Totally.

• 49:38Jay Shetty?

  And, and I encourage everyone to do that with their partner is just really look at like, where are you carrying the relationship and where are they carrying the relationship? And I promise you that someone in your relationship is carrying something.

• 49:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:50Jay Shetty?

  And if they're not carrying anything, then sure, that's, that's not a great relationship. But I think there are so many relationships where we miss what someone's doing.

• 49:58Speaker 02

  I think that really stops you from, and actually having, I didn't think of it in that way. But whenever I do think about when I'm irritated at something or when I feel that way, thinking about it in your way, and sometimes I have thought about it in that way, it makes you really not be selfish. Like a lot of the times, if you feel that way, you can end up stopping yourself from continuing to do that or continuing to be the person carrying this section. But I think when you think of it as these other four areas that could, that other person may be helping in or carrying, it stops you from limiting yourself in what you can give and, and realising that actually I could be giving everything in this category and that's okay. Because he's giving everything in this category and I don't want that category. So I'm good for him to, to handle that.

• 50:43Speaker 02

  And so, yeah, I think like one that just reminds me of all the, this stuff I always get like, even when I put up cooking stuff or I'll get DMs being like, you know, does Jay ever cook for you? And does Jay do this for you? And I'm like, no, and it doesn't irritate me at all because I don't like doing finance stuff. Like it may be such a cliche of like how, you know, I like being in the kitchen, but it's out of choice. Like I love being in the kitchen.

• 51:05Jay Shetty?

  It's not because you're a woman.

• 51:06Speaker 02

  It's not because I'm a woman. That's what I mean.

• 51:07Jay Shetty?

  It's your passion as an individual.

• 51:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like sometimes when you. There's been times, remember when like some days I'll be like, um, someone was, you'll be like, oh, someone's come to our house and you're like, yeah, this is her work area. And some people don't even know what I'm doing and I'm like, and we both laugh about it.

• 51:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I always, I always show people my office, which is where we are now.

• 51:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:24Jay Shetty?

  And then when we go to the kitchen, I always say, and this is Radhi's office. And I don't mean it in a, in a condescending or sexist way at all. It's actually her office.

• 51:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:34Jay Shetty?

  Like, that's where you experiment.

• 51:35Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 51:36Jay Shetty?

  Recipes and yeah, exactly. All right, couple more questions.

• 51:40Speaker 02

  Go on then.

• 51:41Jay Shetty?

  This is a good one. When are you most scared to be vulnerable with your partner?

• 51:46Speaker 02

  When are you most scared to be vulnerable?

• 51:50Jay Shetty?

  Like, when are you scared of like being really honest and open? I'm thinking.

• 51:55Speaker 02

  Good questions, peeps.

• 51:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, really good questions. I forget to tell you, you look really cute.

• 52:00Speaker 02

  Thanks, Sadie. Vulnerable, when do I feel most, when do I feel scared of being vulnerable?

• 52:05Jay Shetty?

  Be vulnerable with your partner?

• 52:06Speaker 02

  Uh.

• 52:12Jay Shetty?

  Go on.

• 52:13Speaker 02

  No, like some.

• 52:17Speaker 02

  Sometimes when, um, you know, like if I'm supposed, if like you've already given me advice on something and then like I'm kind of asking like again, and I'm like really confused about something again. And you're really nice about it, but sometimes I feel like it's, I know you're gonna tell me something that I don't necessarily want to hear because you've already told me before. And I don't necessarily want you to give me the answer because I know you're right. That makes me really annoyed.

• 52:40Speaker 02

  So sometimes I don't feel I'm being vulnerable about how I'm feeling because I know the answer you're gonna give and that I don't want to hear it.

• 52:48Jay Shetty?

  I, so what do I need to be to help you be more vulnerable?

• 52:52Speaker 02

  No, I think it's more me.

• 52:54Jay Shetty?

  No, seriously.

• 52:55Speaker 02

  No, no, I think it's, it is, it's very much so just me.

• 53:01Speaker 02

  It's me just wanting to be stubborn and not wanting you to be right.

• 53:04Jay Shetty?

  I'm not allowed to say it, that's the thing.

• 53:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're not allowed to say it.

• 53:07Jay Shetty?

  I'm not allowed to say Radhi's reflect, that's when I feel most vulnerable. I'm not allowed to repeat something she said.

• 53:14Speaker 02

  No.

• 53:14Jay Shetty?

  That makes me look good. I, I feel most, I'm trying to think. I, I think the time I feel most vulnerable is like when I've spent a lot of money on something. If I've just bought like a really expensive suit.

• 53:27Speaker 02

  Oh, you don't want to tell me?

• 53:28Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, if I've just bought an expensive suit for like an award ceremony.

• 53:33Speaker 02

  Cause he knows he's got a good you wife.

• 53:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, so I get scared of being like, yeah, this is how much a suit costs because I'm wearing it.

• 53:39Speaker 02

  And what do I always say? I'm like, that's okay, it's for your work.

• 53:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 53:41Speaker 02

  Every time, everything.

• 53:42Jay Shetty?

  No, you're always nice about it.

• 53:43Speaker 02

  In my mind, I always, I'm like, it's for your work, it's fine.

• 53:47Jay Shetty?

  No, you're nice about it. I think, I think it's a silly thing just because of upbringing and raising and stuff. It's not you, it's not you at all.

• 53:54Speaker 02

  Or, or like when you wanna play Playstation and you pretend like it's like a work meeting with your partner.

• 54:01Jay Shetty?

  You never say that's a work meeting.

• 54:02Speaker 02

  And really, you just wanna play Playstation together, but you're like, it's for work. And I'm like, mm-hmm. Yeah, it's just because you wanna play. Another one.

• 54:11Jay Shetty?

  You're giving way too many.

• 54:12Speaker 02

  Well, well, you're not even going.

• 54:14Jay Shetty?

  Okay, so we're on to the final two segments, which is fill in the blank and final five. Okay, are you ready?

• 54:20Speaker 02

  I'm ready.

• 54:21Jay Shetty?

  Okay. I feel most supported by my partner when?

• 54:25Speaker 02

  He brings me snacks when I don't even ask for them.

• 54:27Jay Shetty?

  That never happens.

• 54:28Speaker 02

  I know, that's why I just don't feel it right now. No, I feel most, that's my answer. You go.

• 54:35Jay Shetty?

  I feel most supported by my partner when?

• 54:38Speaker 02

  I bring you cut up fruit.

• 54:39Jay Shetty?

  No, I mean, that's a fun one, yeah, but when?

• 54:42Speaker 02

  He likes his fruit cut up when he's eating it, like a little baby, because his mum used to do it for him when he was younger. And when he goes back every single time, his mum cuts his fruit up into a little bowl. And he has his little assortment of fruit bowl every day. And he's like, you know, I really love it when my fruit's cut up. So that's what I've been doing, cutting up fruit midday, halfway through my work day.

• 55:03Jay Shetty?

  I haven't had it today, to be honest.

• 55:04Speaker 02

  I'm sitting there cutting up fruit for this king over here.

• 55:10Speaker 02

  Cut up fruit makes him, makes him support, feel supported.

• 55:16Jay Shetty?

  My honest answer is gonna be when my partner's present with me, like when I feel like you're really fully present. Okay.

• 55:24Speaker 02

  I'm cut up, bro.

• 55:26Jay Shetty?

  Commitment means.

• 55:28Speaker 02

  Oh, you're really crying.

• 55:29Jay Shetty?

  I'm like, you put me in there like, not crying.

• 55:33Speaker 02

  Jeshetti exposed.

• 55:35Jay Shetty?

  Commitment means.

• 55:37Speaker 02

  Commitment means, like showing up in different ways for one another when the time is right.

• 55:42Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 55:43Speaker 02

  Knowing, knowing when it's your time to show up and knowing when it's their time to show up.

• 55:47Jay Shetty?

  I think commitment means mutual love, boundaries, agreements, connection. Like when it's mutually created, like you create a plan together, you create boundaries together, you create expectations together, that's what commitment means and then you honor those.

• 56:04Speaker 02

  Totally.

• 56:06Jay Shetty?

  Okay.

• 56:06Speaker 02

  Next.

• 56:07Jay Shetty?

  This one. Conflict can bring.

• 56:12Speaker 02

  Conflict can bring.

• 56:14Jay Shetty?

  Deeper love.

• 56:16Speaker 02

  I was gonna say something like that.

• 56:17Jay Shetty?

  No, you weren't.

• 56:18Speaker 02

  I was.

• 56:18Jay Shetty?

  No, you weren't. You chose boxing.

• 56:21Speaker 02

  Conflict can bring boxing. Conflict can bring, um, really good like makeup meals.

• 56:30Speaker 02

  Like whenever we wake up, we're gonna be like, oh, let's go get some like Cocabella Creamery Ice Cream.

• 56:34Jay Shetty?

  Is that really what happens? That's why we haven't had it for so long, because we haven't had to make up.

• 56:37Speaker 02

  We haven't really had many fights lately. Let's pick one now. I've got plenty to say.

• 56:41Jay Shetty?

  So then we can.

• 56:43Speaker 02

  So then we can have Cocabella.

• 56:45Jay Shetty?

  Okay.

• 56:46Speaker 02

  Continue.

• 56:47Jay Shetty?

  Okay, final five.

• 56:48Speaker 02

  Final five.

• 56:49Jay Shetty?

  So these are one word or one sentence answers.

• 56:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, stop giving such long answers.

• 56:54Jay Shetty?

  What's one thing you recently discovered about yourself that surprised you?

• 56:59Speaker 02

  That I can commit to things and just maintain it?

• 57:03Jay Shetty?

  That I'm, that I actually enjoy, I always knew this, but I guess I forgot it. I love exercising with sport. I just need to play more sport.

• 57:12Speaker 02

  Yes, you do.

• 57:12Jay Shetty?

  I need to stop forcing myself to that.

• 57:14Speaker 02

  Lovely.

• 57:14Jay Shetty?

  Okay. What about our relationship makes you feel powerful?

• 57:19Speaker 02

  They're both on the same page, like a lot of the time. I'm like, oh, I like this. And you're like, oh, me too. I'm like, oh, okay. Like even if small or big things, like we are very much so on the same page. And even if we're not, we're both kind of okay with coming to an agreement that we both like, that's mine.

• 57:36Jay Shetty?

  Cool. My answer is you, you, you always trust me when the chips are down. You trust me even when things are not working out.

• 57:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:43Jay Shetty?

  Externally. I, I, that makes me feel really confident and strong.

• 57:47Speaker 02

  I'm glad.

• 57:48Jay Shetty?

  Okay.

• 57:49Speaker 02

  Just don't use my chips. Use your own.

• 57:54Jay Shetty?

  Okay. Uh, what do you think our relationship will be like by our 50th anniversary?

• 58:00Speaker 02

  Oh, Lord.

• 58:01Jay Shetty?

  I didn't choose these.

• 58:02Speaker 02

  What do I think?

• 58:03Jay Shetty?

  I think the better question is how will we celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary?

• 58:07Speaker 02

  Um, I don't know. My mind's always like with my family, with our family. We'd have a really nice 50th celebration with the whole family all together on holiday somewhere.

• 58:17Jay Shetty?

  Sounds great. That's my answer. It sounds great.

• 58:21Speaker 02

  Kids would be like just us two on a beach with a tennis court and

• 58:28Speaker 02

  and cut fruit.

• 58:32Jay Shetty?

  I haven't had it today.

• 58:32Speaker 02

  Next.

• 58:33Jay Shetty?

  All right. Two last questions. What about your partner? Have you grown to love that you initially disliked?

• 58:39Speaker 02

  That I initially disliked? I can't think of anything.

• 58:43Jay Shetty?

  Good.

• 58:43Speaker 02

  You go first. No, I can't think of many things I dislike. I'm just trying to think of what I, what I now like about you.

• 58:48Jay Shetty?

  I think it was your like, your lack of organization or whatever. Like I initially, that really irked me and then now I'm just like, but that's what lets you be spontaneous. Like that's what lets your ever freshness come out. And if you became all of that thing, then you can't, you know, not saying that you can't be organized, like you are organized now and you have become, but I mean, if you became a an organizational rigid beast, then you lose that.

• 59:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:12Jay Shetty?

  You lose part of that. So.

• 59:13Speaker 02

  Um, I think mine for you is probably, um, just like your general way of thinking was not something that I was used to.

• 59:20Jay Shetty?

  That's true. That's a good one. That's a really good one.

• 59:22Speaker 02

  Whether it was the quality versus quantity amount of time, because I was not used to that, whether it was, um, yeah, your just general way of thinking where I used to be like, oh, well. Maybe I don't want to do that, but then I realised actually is a really good way of thinking. And even though it used to like scare me to think like that, because I felt like I was getting rid of a lot of my old like habits and ways of thinking, now I've actually become quite fond of it.

• 59:44Jay Shetty?

  Okay.

• 59:45Speaker 02

  Next.

• 59:45Jay Shetty?

  I love that. Okay, fifth and final question of the whole interview. What's the funniest thing that's happened to both of you?

• 59:53Speaker 02

  The funniest thing that's ever happened to both of us?

• 59:57Jay Shetty?

  I was gonna say.

• 59:58Speaker 02

  I was gonna say.

• 59:59Jay Shetty?

  That.

• 1:00:00Speaker 02

  Go on, what were you gonna say?

• 1:00:02Jay Shetty?

  Weeks or months ago, someone put us up on this Instagram page called Sibling Revelry. And what this page does is that it puts up pictures of siblings or couples and asks people to guess.

• 1:00:17Speaker 02

  Whether they're siblings or couples.

• 1:00:19Jay Shetty?

  And so they posted a picture of us and I think 60% said siblings and 40% said couple, probably 40% who know who we are. And it's really funny because all the awkward pictures on that page.

• 1:00:30Speaker 02

  Are siblings.

• 1:00:30Jay Shetty?

  Are siblings.

• 1:00:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:32Jay Shetty?

  So it's, yeah, that's probably one of the funniest things that's ever happened.

• 1:00:35Speaker 02

  That is really funny. That was a good laugh, that was. Good laugh.

• 1:00:39Jay Shetty?

  I can think of another one too.

• 1:00:41Speaker 02

  Go on.

• 1:00:41Jay Shetty?

  I remember when we were travelling to someone's birthday or something, when we first started dating and we got lost in the middle of that.

• 1:00:46Speaker 02

  That's what I was gonna say.

• 1:00:47Jay Shetty?

  No way, really?

• 1:00:48Speaker 02

  That's literally where I went back to.

• 1:00:49Jay Shetty?

  Go on.

• 1:00:49Speaker 02

  No, I was thinking of when we were, oh yeah, that's where it was. We were going somewhere and it was a countryside and then somehow we remember we drove into like a barn or like field area and I was so scared. And that was the first time that I was in a very scary situation with you. And it was the time I realised like how you will always be and always have been since. That like, my dad has always been this person for me. So it was so cool because you literally took on that role of like, you were so calm, you're so calm. Even when you're scared, like even when I was like, even if my dad was so scared, he would never ever show he was scared and he'd always have me. Like I would never feel scared because he was never scared. And you literally had, I got a glimpse of that with you and I was like, oh my gosh.

• 1:01:30Jay Shetty?

  I was so scared.

• 1:01:31Speaker 02

  I know, but you did so good that day. So yeah, that was funny. Funny now, not funny then.

• 1:01:36Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:37Speaker 02

  And that's it everyone, Quick Five.

• 1:01:41Speaker 02

  Done.

• 1:01:42Jay Shetty?

  Final five.

• 1:01:42Speaker 02

  Final five.

• 1:01:44Jay Shetty?

  As always.

• 1:01:44Speaker 02

  Thank you all so much.

• 1:01:45Jay Shetty?

  Thanks so much for all the amazing questions. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. Make sure you go and subscribe to Radhi's YouTube channel. Follow her on Instagram.

• 1:01:55Speaker 02

  Please do, so I can bug you and love you.

• 1:01:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, go and check out all her new videos. She's posting every single week and they're the most fun. She's my favorite YouTuber. I have her on, you know, turn the little notifications on. And Radhi, thank you for always being our annual special guest.

• 1:02:13Speaker 02

  Next time, I think I expect some sort of a prize.

• 1:02:16Jay Shetty?

  Okay.

• 1:02:17Speaker 02

  Or a gift.

• 1:02:18Jay Shetty?

  Cool.

• 1:02:18Speaker 02

  Or a trophy.

• 1:02:19Jay Shetty?

  Okay.

• 1:02:20Speaker 02

  Or snacks.

• 1:02:21Jay Shetty?

  Okay.

• 1:02:22Speaker 02

  I'll think one of, one of the above.

• 1:02:24Jay Shetty?

  Okay.

• 1:02:25Speaker 02

  But yes, thank you. It was so wonderful and I really thought the questions were great.

• 1:02:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I really enjoyed this one. I think we went really deep with.

• 1:02:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:32Jay Shetty?

  We talked about doubts. We talked about insecurities, vulnerability.

• 1:02:35Speaker 02

  Cut fruit.

• 1:02:37Jay Shetty?

  Okay. All right. That's it, guys. Thank you for listening.

• 1:02:40Speaker 02

  Thank you very much. See you soon, next time, on Jay Shetty On Purpose Podcast.

• 1:02:53Jay Shetty?

  Hey guys, this is Jay again. Just a few more quick things before you leave. I know we try to focus on the good every day and I want to make that easier for you. Would you like to get a short email from me every week that gives you an extra dose of positivity? Weekly Wisdom is my newsletter where I jot down whatever's on my mind that I think may uplift your week. Basically, little bits of goodness that are going to improve your wellbeing. This short newsletter is all about growth and sending positivity straight to your inbox. Read it with a cup of tea, forward it to a friend and let these words brighten your day. To sign up, just go to jayshetty.me and drop your email in the pop-up. If you have trouble finding it, just scroll to the very bottom of the page and you'll see the sign up. Thank you so much and I hope you enjoy my weekly wisdom newsletter.

• 1:03:42Jay Shetty?

  This podcast was produced by Dust Light Productions. Our executive producer from Dust Light is Misha Youssef. Our senior producer is Juliana Bradley. Our associate producer is Jacqueline Castillo. Valentino Rivera is our engineer. Our music is from Blue Dot Sessions. And special thanks to Rachel Garcia, the Dust Light Development and Operations Coordinator.

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